This Van Gogh painting was created right after his first psychotic episode and I understand this painting more than any other piece of art. The distrust and fear in his eyes is one only understood by those with psychosis. To see your world crumble around you and become something new and terrifying is the greatest fear I have ever known. He looks almost scared of himself, seeing a new person in himself that he hasn’t seen before. The look in his eyes makes me think of how I look at others, unable to trust those I once could, becoming fearful of my own friends and family. His pain is so visible here and it really resonates with me.
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Hello fellow psychotic homies:
do you like art? do you want to help me get dental work so i don’t lose all my teeth?
have 8 days until my first appointment for work in my teeth.
consider:
commissioning me
I make really cool paintings. One of a kind. I do digital art as well! Budget based, so everyone can afford my art.
And I can afford to keep my teeth!
Please shoot me a message if you’re interested in a commission.
i accept paypal, cashapp and venmo.
if you’d like to donate a smaller amount, dm me!
Please reblog to support me!
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Self sabotage
With empty eyes devoid of darkness,
try to see the meaninglessness of meaning.
Have you any idea
what it is like
to never see the darkness again?
Hunger is growing bigger.
I erase their ideas and inject my orders.
My dreams, intertwined with the outer space,
turned into a shabby billboard for the defective ,
broadcasting into the stolen minds of the uncareful.
I am starring in the holy film, depriving it of any end.
what is it like to lose the end?
No creator made her
She owes her existence to herself only
Merging from the depths of the void
She is a self made monster.
Perplex post human detected.
Clairvoyant eyes crowding the corners of the room.
The parasite inside me grows bigger
It feeds off everything I know
Soon there is nothibg left
The parasite eats up all my memories
Who am I but a parasite?
The void expands in depth
soon there is nothing left of me,
It never stops, it never ends.
I have reached the bottom
I’m getting smaller
As the parasite keeps growing,
Soon there is nothing left of me and my body
I didnt know how far I went,
I didnt know that the hole is that deep.
So run away
And don’t try to touch me
I will attack
And as I explode
I will ruin everything in close proximity
Myself included
Why dont our shadows never fight the external darkness when it comes?
I want to become so heavy that the Sacred Bottom can suck me in .
And I will bloom as a flaming chrysanthemum, when the blinding sun rises up again.
I turn your spit into ruby sand, you choke.
I am woke.
I smoke my thoughts and swim though my visions.
Boiling drops of sweat on my skin.
Try to neutralise me, somebody. Warning!
Security alert.
Nobody, but the shadows,
on the ceiling and the walls, paperthin.
Something is crawling down my spine.
My limbs are turning into feathers.
I hear the wolves howl,
clawing at my chest,
pack shadows on the walls,
dancing branches saluting from the window,
i keep my breath greedily,
but there is no air left to spare.
I wanted to fly high across the space and time,
To cross all the red lines,
Pressure drops, oxygen shortage-
A little fly ended up trapped in the rays of the infrared web, allconsuming.
Just a prey, no god, no evil,
Just a feed
Processed and disposable.
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i drew some of the hallucinations i have the most often. i havent seen these guys in a while but i used to see them pretty regularly.
the white one makes me feel safe and protected, and is the only one who seems to notice my presence. the black one seems aloof, like its just in its own world and doesnt really seem to notice me. the red one feels like its hunting and it scares me. i feel like i cant even breathe or it will find me. it doesnt ever seem to realize im actually there, though.
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