n0-al-3n8y - Tumblr blog

n0-al-3n8y · 13 hours

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I wish I could just say "its because of schizophrenia" when something is a symptom/trait (schizophrenia has sooo many symptoms) just like I would say it's depression. it really makes things easier with the only person I can say that to, when I feel safe enough. I dont have to explain further.

but hey it's not safe & ppl don't know anything about schizophrenia.

#so i just don't say anything #mental illness #schizophrenia #actually schizophrenic #actually mentally ill #stigma

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n0-al-3n8y · 1 day

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spoiler Mr robot season 1

i'm a ghost

did i erase myself

___

yesss thx schizophrenia for erasing everything. identity dissolution. love that.

& I'll try not to spam too much with mr robot stuff.

#spoiler mr robot #spoiler #mr robot #elliot alderson #mr. robot #rami malek #mental illness #c ptsd #depressing shit #i hate my brain

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n0-al-3n8y · 1 day

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started mr robot marathon again

#mr robot #mr. robot #elliot alderson #rami malek #best show ever #mental illness #therapy #depressing shit #depression #c ptsd #complex ptsd #i hate my brain

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n0-al-3n8y · 17 days

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n0-al-3n8y · 24 days

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the legend, the icon, the op

#love her so much #fight club #marla singer #helena bonham carter #mental illness

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n0-al-3n8y · 24 days

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Trainspotting, 1996

how it feels starting a new treatment. i hate anti-psychotics so much

since my friend told me i looked like him i can't unsee it heeelp. also me right now

#trainspotting #ewan mcgregor #tw sucidal ideation #tw sui ideation #mental illness #actually schizophrenic #schizophrenia #psychotic #anti psychotics #actually mentally ill #medication #depressing shit #i hate my brain

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n0-al-3n8y · 3 months

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There's so much pressure to be like "My abusers/attackers didn't win" but there was so much liberation and freedom in allowing myself to say that mine did. They overpowered me and broke me and I am forever changed by what happened, and not having to pretend that's not true is so freeing.

#they destroyed my life lol they won #trauma #c ptsd

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n0-al-3n8y · 3 months

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entirely stopped talking to anyone so making bad meme I guess

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n0-al-3n8y · 3 months

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i need to read l'étranger again after this. but oh wait i can't because of the cognitive symptoms

The way people talk about the main character of The Stranger by Camus is so funny. “Imagine a FREAK who doesn’t CARE about ANYTHING and doesn’t FEEL ANYTHING.” that’s just a normal day for people dealing with the negative symptoms of schizophrenia/SZPD

#the only moments i feel smth is because of cptsd #and thats just pain and despair lol #no idea what ppl feel and stuff #actually schizophrenic #negative symptoms #definitely been called nice names for not feeling anything

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n0-al-3n8y · 3 months

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makes a bad meme instead

i love marla

#mental illness meme #marla singer #helena bonham carter #mental illness #actually mentally ill #actually schizophrenic #schizophrenia #cptsd #ableism #keeping my nuanced take for myself #even my friends do this its so annoying #its not a competition #yes i know why ppl do this

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n0-al-3n8y · 3 months

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marla singer - fight club

an icon & lets not forget her introduction

im done, im out. life's fucjing joke.

#helena bonham carter #marla singer #fight club #mental illness #depression #cptsd #complex ptsd #comfort character #schizophrenia #actually schizophrenic #tw sui implied #depressing shit #i hate my brain #iconic character #psychotic episode #psychosis #no shit i lost touch with reality #im not going back

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n0-al-3n8y · 3 months

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#angelina jolie #girl interrupted #lisa girl interrupted #mental illness #schizophrenia #cptsd #depression #self destruction #actually schizophrenic #actually mentally ill #i hate my brain

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n0-al-3n8y · 3 months

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at this point it feels like staying alive is just a joke.

#tw sucidal ideation #tw sui implied #tw sui talk #schizophrenia #cptsd

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n0-al-3n8y · 3 months

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when it's so bad you go from this

to this

cause

[repeat]

schizophrenia & c-ptsd making me doubt absolutely everything im done. is it hallucinations don't know. are all my memories just an invention don't know. turning everything against me thx. i hate my brain so much.

#schizophrenia #actually schizophrenic #mr robot #mr. robot #elliot alderson #rami malek #actually cptsd #cptsd #living with cptsd #c ptsd #complex ptsd #trauma #mental illness #actually mentally ill #breakdown #dissociation #depressing shit #i hate my brain

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n0-al-3n8y · 3 months

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can't deal with cptsd memories coming back

!! TW sa, r*p3, sui mention rant

violent cptsd memories showed up, recent r*pe memory came back and triggered my brain to release similar memories and others, that i was fine living without knowing. my brain really decided to torture me thx. i really can't deal with all of this. my brain refuses to fuvking dissociate and i don't have one of my treatments. cptsd, sui ideation and schizophrenia are having fun in my head. im used to this shit but that's too much. really grateful for my dog being here, always.

also why the fuck my psychiatrist/therapist let me on my own for the next 3 weeks knowing all of that, like im alone. really said k byyye.