every schizospec person deserves respect- severely paranoid schizospec people who struggle to form relationships, schizospec people who can't form complete sentences and struggle to converse, schizospec people who talk about their delusions with strangers, schizospec people who can't tell reality from fiction, schizospec people who are affected and unnerved by their hallucinations, schizospec people who struggle with hygiene and dressing themselves, schizospec people who can't double bookkeep, homeless schizospec people, addicted schizospec people, unmedicated schizospec people, and so on and so forth. all of us, not just those of us who can hold down jobs or be in education

Literally, people who joke with me about how psychotic and crazy I am are a million times better allies than some asshole who wants to debate the validity of psychotic disorders with me, an individual who has one. And people who are so scared to think about someone they know having a psychotic disorder, not because they're worried for them but because they can't see us as just people. They will dance around the issue with "oh youre just weird thats okay!" "Im sure everyone can see things if theyre really stressed" "maybe youre just depressed?" Underhanded 'compliments' about how normal they're Sure you are and how theres no way youre like "that weird guy i saw rambling to himself a few months ago in the park" or "my friend nancy who thinks she's an alien." Because they can't dare to see you as a person if you're Like Them.

You can say PSYCHOTIC. You can say SCHIZO. They're not dirty words. I love my schizotypy. It's a part of me, and it is dare I say quite a part of the reason I have the talent and drive that I do in certain fields of study and arts. Maybe other people on the schizo spectrum don't like it, and that's their choice and feelings, their experience. But one thing's for sure, accepting and destigmatizing schizo spectrum disorders is important in the madpunk movement. I don't need double-edged "praise" of how I'm "not like them." And what if I am? What if I'm stark-raving mad, speaking in tongues and trying to fight demons and falling in love with things that don't exist to anybody else? What if green-yellow butterflies fly around my field of vision while I look at you, while we talk? What if I hear the voices of people I really don't like while you and I have a pizza at my place? What if the world tilts and shifts, and suddenly I'm not sure where I am and everything feels possible and god is talking to me and the shadow government is watching me? What then? Am I no longer a person? Is my reality less important than yours? Do I deserve to be unpersoned for seeing the world differently, whether that be due to a mental disorder or simply because I don't agree with the status quo?

We all deserve to be treated equally and fairly. Some differences we are born with, others we attain later in life unrelated to genetics or anything like that, some are simply quirks. No one should be forced to identify under labels they don't agree with, and conversely, no one should be denied the validity of their own experience of themselves and their life. And all differences, psychotic ones especially, because that's what this post is about, are beautiful in their own way and worthy of acceptance and respect.

i think one of the most frustrating things for me regarding my own schizotypy is the difficulty with communicating. i cant tell if its gotten worse over time, or if im just becoming more aware of it as i learn more about my condition. its frustrating, because theres so much i want to say sometimes, and i just cant. i cant voice my thoughts succinctly. i cant explain whats going on in my head. i try to talk to people, and i get misunderstood, i get told that its hard to follow what im saying, or people draw the wrong conclusions.

and theres not anyone in this world who can magically decipher what im trying to communicate - not any friend, not my partner, not a doctor. no matter how loved i may be, no matter how much effort and compassion goes into any interaction with me, i will always have trouble being understood. unless theres some medication that can fix the wiring of my brain, and i doubt that given ive had schizotypal symptoms for as long as i can remember. even if i follow through on all my plans and i get married and have a fantastic life with my beautiful incredible wife and i have children i love and care for, i will always have a degree of separation between myself and my loved ones, and it makes me want to cry.

i can come to terms with magical thinking, i can learn to manage that. i can work to gain a better understanding of the patterns to help me recognize the differences between rational thought and delusion. i can bear the weight of knowing my perception is different from others, i can handle it, ive been catching onto it for years. i can even appreciate that my schizotypy gives me a unique sense of creativity. its a gift in some ways, even if its mostly a burden. but struggling to communicate, knowing ill never be fully understood, knowing im stuck in my own little bubble and even the people who love me the most are incapable of breaching it - that hurts. that hurts the most.

since you typically recommend the EASE and the EAWE as resources, I'd like to also recommend the Perceptual Aberration Scale (PAS; Chapman, Chapman, & Raulin, 1978) and Magical Ideation Scale (MIS; Eckblad & Chapman, 1983) - they may be a tad old, but the book i'm reading (Psychosis, Trauma and Dissociation) mentions that they're widely used in measuring schizotypy and tend to be used in professional studies when assessing for schizotypy in a person! I'm not sure if they can be found online easy or not since I haven't looked yet, but I wanted to put the info out there anyways.

thank you for the info!

nah because how do you explain the feeling of having to translate your brain to non-schizos, like someone please understand that "the clouds are a symmetrical purple shade of keyboard" actually means "im chill rn but i wanna look at cat pictures" like PLEASE LET THERE BE A SCHIZO-TO-ENGLISH TRANSLATOR AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

went down a minor rabbithole and collected a bunch of research on schizotypy that i proceeded to read and skim and then i took a long shower and i've come to the now not-so-shocking conclusion that i'm probably schizotypal.

which is honestly scarier to me than DID for some reason. maybe it's because it's going on 5 years now that i've known DID to be a part of my life. accepting schiotypy to be another huge part of my life is just adding to the basket that is my case.

but schizotypy coupled with autism... makes a lot of sense for how my brain works, which is badly. the magical thinking parts of schizotypy are really what do it for me because damn they weren't kidding, that thinking really do be fucking magical.

i hate having to accept new things wrong with me. not that this is new, but the label is new and having to view it under this new label is difficult because now that makes it actually real, which i hate.

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Conversation with Bob Williams on Schizotypy, Creativity, Genius, Johnson and Bouchard, PFIT and BA10, Wai, Benbow, Lubinsky, Rex Jung, and Arthur Jensen: Retired Nuclear Physicist (5)

Conversation with Bob Williams on Schizotypy, Creativity, Genius, Johnson and Bouchard, PFIT and BA10, Wai, Benbow, Lubinsky, Rex Jung, and Arthur Jensen: Retired Nuclear Physicist (5)

Interviewer: Scott Douglas Jacobsen Numbering: Issue 30.A, Idea: Outliers & Outsiders (25) Place of Publication: Langley, British Columbia, Canada Title: In-Sight: Independent Interview-Based Journal Web Domain: http://www.in-sightpublishing.com Individual Publication Date: July 1, 2022 Issue Publication Date: September 1, 2022 Name of Publisher: In-Sight Publishing Frequency: Three Times Per…

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Schizotypal PD is basically a disorder reliant on stress management and environmental factors being managed and coped with, so it’s hard for me to understand why it’s talked about differently than disorders like Cluster B. No, it will never go away and doesn’t need to because if the Schizotypal person decides to take control of their life and reach out for help through the discomfort, stays on the right track, or was blessed into a wonderful environment that supports their needs and quirks, they’ll be fine. It’s much like the Autism Spectrum in that regard.

Our sanity and growth depends a lot on our general QOL going well to be able to keep up in managing troublesome symptoms that cause social regression or distress. The worse the anxiety or low mood, the more disconnection and mixing of reality. Or it’ll be a negative perception, negative beliefs, negative magical thinking, negative illusions, etc.

Our entire perception of reality, belief systems, obsessions, magical thinking, illusions, quasi-psychosis and transient psychosis, the way we perceive ourselves, ability to organize speech and thoughts, to mask, and more- Those are traits that change depending on our stress levels and how often we manage stable moods.

& it’s rough because this world is not kind to clinical schizotypy, and it’s not built how most of us feel it should be. We struggle with understanding others, and they struggle with understanding us. We struggle to understand each other. Environmental factors aren’t easy to make better when all of this is happening, and especially when it can’t be diagnosed until someone is 18 without any subclinical or pediatric disorders to take its place…

when i was like 13 and was like would be kinda cool to be psychotic lolz and then a mental illness wizard cursed me for thinking that and made me schizoaffective in return at age 19

I wish telepathy was real because I could just telepathically ask someone if they want to hook up but unfortunately I'd have to use normal human interactions for that so as you can understand I'm obviously not going to do it.

I see. I remember you talk on your old blog about personality changes but I never connected the dots to it being about a tbi and not just mental illness. If it's alright to ask what were you like before? Besides being "smarter" did anything else change?

Hmm...

I'm more emotional now, especially with anger. My anger is more 'internal' and isn't expressed much in behaviour [ sometimes it reflects in my written words but for some reason I could never say it with my voice, something about 'my body' getting angry repulses me too much ] so it is rarely immediately obvious, but it is noticeable to me because I used to simply... not feel angry.

I am now more susceptible to limerence, attachment and loneliness and 'want' relationships in a way I did not before. I still don't want them in a normal way but there's an element of fear associated with solitude now that wasn't there in the past.

I also cry more often now, sometimes without apparent triggers.

Sexual/paraphilic interests intensified in fantasy [ though not in practice; I think I'm more repulsed by sexual activity/touching now than I was before, oddly enough ].

I am just generally 'weirder' and more eccentric. I'm not sure how to explain that but the few people who knew me 'before' have told me as much so I'll believe it.

I lost a lot of my motivation and executive function. It used to be relatively easy for me to start (and finish) tasks.

Existing feels different, though I cannot articulate how. Intense yet dull, perpetually surreal, always seems like I am looking at things from my peripheral vision and that all communication is in a language I can't quite understand (I mean all of this metaphorically). My thoughts and words all feel 'wrong'. There is a pronounced split between knowledge and belief to the point I am always exhaustingly aware of it, and even though I can talk/write it feels like the words aren't 'mine'.

My schizotypal traits intensified after that period so I think the physical + mental changes fed into each other.

The worst change is the intellectual loss and the second worst is the loneliness. I feel so lonely now. I can't explain it. I always felt alienated, but I didn't use to feel lonely. Maybe 'loneliness' isn't really the right word still, but I can't think of one that fits better. It's so deep and pervasive that I spend every moment not just 'being lonely' but being so acutely aware of it, like a sharp toothache. It's impossible not to be conscious of it.

I also used to be more gender-conforming if that's funny. According to some people, my sense of humour also changed.

you know i was being silly when i said "schizautism" last night but its really growing on me as a term. especially in the context of the overlap between schizotypal and autistic symptoms, and how some people claim that you cant be both at the same time when that doesnt....... make any sense? lol. like my freak levels of paranoia and magical thinking arent autism things, my need for structure and my sensory issues arent schizotypy things, etc etc. theres nothing about an autistic brain that bars us from also having certain mental illnesses and i think its really silly and shortsighted to say that you cant experience both at the same time. its like saying you cant have both adhd and autism because of the overlap between those. with audhd overlap it gets hard to tell sometimes whether a certain trait is rooted in one or the other or a mix of both, but that doesnt negate those traits or the ones that are clearly based in only one condition. its the same with schizotypy and autism. obviously im not a psychologist however what i AM is someone with intense symptoms of both and frankly if a medical professional tried to tell me "you think someone is outside your house trying to get in every night and can feel a presence there and you have to put in immense amounts of effort not to interpret random occurrences as signs of future events all because of your autism diagnosis" i would laugh in their face and immediately find a new psych.

anyway my point with that whole ramble is im coining the term schizautism/schizautistic for us sexy sexy schizospec autists. unless its already been coined in which case lets hear it for convergent evolution

i know that from 21st century schizoid man the word “schizoid” is pronounced skit-zoid but see i heard like one person pronounce it skee-zoid that that’s just how i always read it in my mind

watching children be neurodivergent while their parents are ableist reignites deep personal trauma i didn't know existed

when the moon is in eclipse it has a migraine