Dottore giving child reader a check up

── ୨୧：il dottore & reader

୨୧﹑synopsis :: nobody scares you more than the Doctor, and that's why you're wholly betrayed by Father tricking you into getting a check up right under your nose, but perhaps your worries are exaggerated by rumours

୨୧﹑genre :: fluff

୨୧﹑content :: gn reader, child reader, he's a lil soft (cause if he's not poor kid might explode on site), reader is mute, reader is also autistic (but tbh you don't have to read it that way), not proofread

୨୧﹑words :: 2.9k

idk what possessed me to write this I just has the thought and decided it had to be done. I got in the zone and wrote it in a few hours 😭 this is kinda loosely based off one of my characters but ambiguous enough I think to be read as a reader insert. little ball of anxiety with legs reader hehe. they come from the house of the hearth so every instance of father refers to arle

You can't think of a single person able to scare you nearly as much as the Doctor can, whether it's the daunting trip to find him wherever he hid this time or the fear of knowing he tried to bargain with Father to have the more unimpressive children—as some would call you—shipped off to him to become experiments.

Father won't allow him to get his hands on any of you, but it hardly eases the fear that he may disregard Father's warning and decide to pluck the first child he comes across up and feign ignorance when she realises they've disappeared.

Father personally entrusted you with this letter, so you cannot turn back as you make your way to where she said he should be. 

The sleepiness might manage to numb you to the danger by the time you arrive and make it easier to stomach his presence, but most likely, he will only frighten you awake, and it will worsen with the shock to your system.

There's no turning back now and no declining when Father asks you to take letters, which she says are of great importance. You can't treat letters like this lightly, even if you fear the recipient.

Knowing who is behind it makes the door all the more daunting. Doors that separate you from Harbingers always make you nervous as it's not every day you find yourself faced with one armed only with a letter and shaking hands. If it were anyone else, you could've knocked in a heartbeat, but you pause to gather your bearings before raising your hand to knock.

One two, three…four. Spaced just as Columbina taught you to, and then you wait.

Several seconds pass in silence before you hear footsteps from inside, then a voice calling out to you. "The door is unlocked."

You reach for the handle, cautiously cracking open the door just enough to peek inside. Your eyes travel across the room from your left to your right until you spy Dottore seated in a chair facing away from you. He hears you, evident in the way he turns to look at you as you work up the courage to step inside and leave the door ajar behind you.

"It's you," he remarks, the closest to acknowledgment you expect to receive. You are about to make your way to hand him the letter when he interrupts you. "Close the door."

The door is always closed here like it's trying to keep someone out, but there's no one here that he would dread seeing who would knock and accept that the door is locked. He must not be trying to convince anyone of that, and if he was, maybe he'd lock the door for real and leave everyone stranded outside instead of talking.

Dottore makes you nervous. You don't know what he thinks or why, but you probably don't like it. It's the only reason why he would be here right now. Normal doctoring wouldn't get him far as a Harbinger, and the sounds you've heard coming from his lab are enough to deter you from wondering too much. 

Instead, you quietly spin yourself around to push the door closed before returning to your endeavour of handing him this letter from Father she entrusted you with.

"Who is it from?" he asks, a question you remember him asking before too. You concluded that he's trying to gauge how eager he is to read it, and your answer will set his mood for the remainder of your stay.

You turn the envelope over to show him the seal on the back, which you hold out to him. The mark of the House of the Hearth—Father's seal—is displayed so that Dottore can glean the answer from wordless actions. He accepts it from your hand with a stifled eagerness, the hopes of something he'll enjoy written there held back by the knowledge that, in all likelihood, it's a trivial matter.

The moment the letter leaves your hands, you retreat to the safety of the door, where you stand beside the frame to await a half-hearted reaction or collect his response. Father is always happy when you return to the House to inform her that Dottore sighed when he read her letter, even if she regards the news with her usual stoicism. She despises when he bothers to send something back to her, but she never tells you why, as usual.

He collects something off his desk just out of your sight, hidden behind him, and the sound of paper tearing follows. He drops the twice-folded paper into his hand, then unfurls it to read the contents.

You wait in silence, nerves evening out as you rub the sleep from your eyes with the back of your hand. Sleepiness does help you occupy yourself if nothing else.

Then, you are interrupted by a snap of his fingers and a motion of his hand to usher you closer. 

Keeping him waiting will only make him mad, though you're sure not enough time has passed for him to pen any cohesive message in the minute or two you spent waiting.

You look up in anticipation nonetheless, expecting him to hand you something or tell you something so when he reaches toward you, it doesn't alarm you. 

Not until he grabs you beneath your arms, picks you up, and sits you down on the table, much closer to eye level with him.

"Arlecchino has her concerns about your sleeping habits and your seeming lack of will to speak," he begins, reaching behind you to grab something you barely follow before he has it in his hands. It's only a light, small and thinner than the torches at the House.

Your mind races with every question you can think of as you try to find a way off this table back to the floor, but the only way out is blocked by Dottore sitting in front of you, unsympathetic to the fear in your eyes when you stare at him. You could swear you hear your heartbeat thrumming in your ears in a quickened rhythm.

What was written in that letter? Was it about you? It takes only a brief glance down in search of the open letter to realise exactly what makes this delivery so important. Father tricked you into coming here to see the Doctor after you so eagerly declined her previous offer to go willingly. You catch glimpses of your name in Father's handwriting and little else as it blurs into a messy sea of details, but you always recognise how Father writes your name.

You know better than to assume this is punishment but rather the manifestation of Father's worry as you keep oversleeping lately and need one of the older children to fetch you from the comfort of your bed. The idea that habit would land you here, presumably getting a check-up, might've inspired you to prize yourself out of bed a little earlier had you known.

Dottore seems to gauge your trembling as an obvious sign of fear, though a twitch at the corner of his lips is your only indicator, as you can't see his eyes beneath the mask. "Her explicit concern was whether or not you're ill." He rests his hand against your knee— they're cold, yet you almost expect it. It doesn't mean you especially like it. You can only interpret the action as a skewed attempt to comfort you. "As long as you're healthy, I see no reason to keep you longer than a simple check up."

He's not a real doctor, is all you can think, and he doesn't know what he's doing.

You have no choice but to steel yourself for whatever pain you're about to be subjected to. It might hurt, but you have no way out, no way back to Father, so you can curl up in a ball at her feet and ask why she would subject you to this torture—

"Don't tense your jaw," you suddenly hear, realising his finger taps your knee to grab your attention back from dreamland. "Open your mouth," he instructs you, and rather simply at that. It's something you can follow without getting scared he'll hurt you somehow.

He shines that light at you, inspecting something, though you can't say what. A slight tilt of his hand and, by proxy, the light he's holding is your only sign he's looking at anything.

The light is off before you know it. There was no pain at all, not even a hint of discomfort beyond what naturally arises from your ever-present anxiousness.

Dottore moves to set the light beside you, then appears to change his mind as he offers it to you. You take it from his hand and click it just as he had, the light coming on again. Another click, and it's off. Holding it just like that, an object of clicks and ridges and a light you can play with, is enough to give you something to at least take your mind off the fear of getting hurt.

"Lift your head." 

This time, compliance comes easier as you tilt your head up until the point his hand stops nudging you, and instead, he presses his fingers against your throat. It's light enough to feel only slight pressure; it doesn't hurt, but you don't like that feeling. Your thumb brushes over the exterior of the light, smooth against the pads of your fingers and satisfying to touch. You pull away before you can come to your senses and stop yourself, but he lets go the moment your discomfort flares, and you do the closest you can to telling him no.

Your breathing begins to even back out seeing his hands so clearly in the air in front of you, away from you, not touching you. It's silent reassurance that what you just did counts enough as revoking his permission to touch you as anything can.

Dottore doesn't feel like dealing with the fussy child that trying to force it would invoke for a mere favour to the Knave.

Instead, simply asking you like the fully grown child you are seems much more efficient. "I'm going to ask you a few questions, all yes or no," he begins. "They're all simple enough you can answer without speaking."

You interpret the ensuing silence as Dottore waiting, expecting you to nod or shake your head, and you quickly offer a nod in agreement.

"Do you know if you're able to speak?"

You consider his question carefully, unsure of the answer. Your hesitation prompts him to rephrase the question.

"Are you able to make any noises at all?"

You nod. You know the answer to that.

"But not speak in full words?"

Not words. Words don't work. You shake your head.

"Would that be because you're physically unable to?"

You shake your head. You've spoken before, but each time you try, especially here, something robs you of your voice before you get the chance. You know you can talk, just not here like this. 

"If not physical, then there's nothing wrong with you," he concludes. It feels sudden like there should be more, but he stops so quickly. "Nothing that I can fix," he promptly adds. That explains it.

Why not? He doesn't answer, unable to hear the things you don't say. To him, you remain as starkly silent as ever and as difficult to treat as you have been the past few minutes. You suspect he came to some greater conclusion between when you first walked in and now but neglects to share with you what it is.

You must look unsatisfied or just confused as he pauses to stare at you. You look away first, eyes drifting back to the light in your hands.

"Arlecchino only wanted to know if something was physically wrong with you," he says, briefly looking down at the letter as he skims a particular section again. "Your poor sleep may be the result of insomnia, or whatever is causing the mental block that also prevents you from speaking."

Mental block? Nobody ever told you about anything like that. 

You eye him curiously, though you again remain silent, watching him while you think he isn't looking back. It's easy to look at him as long as you don't consciously think of the fact that he's staring at you behind that mask.

Dottore holds his hand out expectantly, a motion of his fingers telling you he wants you to return what you have in your hands to him. You do so, but not without a sadness-driven hesitance to accompany it.

"None of the things you're describing imply a physical problem, but a paranoid 'parent' overattentive to the wrong facets of what could be wrong with an orphan." You don't like the way he says that as if he's speaking ill of Father, but like always, you keep your mouth shut. "If you couldn't speak because of a physical injury, you would have presented with one when you arrived at the House of the Hearth—not now. Trouble sleeping and an elevated heart rate, shortness of breath, intense panic and your tremors are more likely the symptoms of anxiety." 

That's a lot of words, but as he quickly lists every example, you seem to become conscious of it. Mental block, anxiety. Those are the two things you've been told that sound like explanations. You look down as if on instinct, hands held in front of you to investigate his claims that you're shaking. You are. Before your eyes, your hands are trembling, though you can't say why. You look back at him to see if he has anything else to say.

You thought your sleep troubles weren't the same, the result of bad dreams, but supposedly not. Dottore doesn't know anything about that, does he? No, he can't. You never told him, so he can't know. He knows lots of things he shouldn't, like your heart racing when you're scared or how you feel like you can't breathe at times. 

Dottore clicks the light on again, shining it down at your hands resting in your lap. He circles it in place, and your eyes follow. It clicks off again after a few seconds. "Distraction helps anxiety," he says, then sets it down on the desk beside you. "Do you know why you can't sleep?" he asks.

Yes. You nod. Dreams. On nights when they're at their worst, they keep you awake long past bedtime when all others have gone to sleep. By breakfast, you can be so tired and sleep-deprived that dozing off over your food is the only thing you can manage.

You half expect to sit through another round of questioning before Dottore finds the one that clicks the pieces perfectly together in his head, just as he did in the first round.

Instead, Dottore stands, and his hands find your sides to hook you under your arms. Your feet are back on the ground before you can fuss any more about how much you do or do not like it. With you out of his way, he flips the paper Father wrote her request to him on.

"If you know the answer, then you're free to go."

That's it?

You stare up at him for a moment, perplexed by the surprising lack of pain compared to the abundance of fear you felt. It should have hurt, but it didn't, and now you don't know why you were so against coming here in the first place. Dottore spared five or ten minutes of his time, which he already didn't want to give you, and is sending you on your way without injury,

You can't see his face as he's turned away, writing something down that you can't make out. If you took a guess what it is, it's probably about you, just like the first one was. Still, you can tell why Father is so annoyed to receive letters from him. You don't recognise your name when he writes it. You don't recognise anything he writes. His handwriting is awful.

He folds it and slips it back into the envelope it was given to him in. That's not proper etiquette, but something in the way he practically shoves it into your hands tells you that he doesn't particularly care. So long as it gets from him to Father, it doesn't matter how it gets there in his eyes.

"Give that to the Knave." That is his final instruction. You're very used to following those kinds of instructions by now, having heard and executed them many times. They're second nature to your mind.

You nod, pinching it between your fingers to keep the paper from falling out of the open envelope. If Father's was critical, so is this one, and you'll get it back to her quickly—more importantly, safely.

You can't help wondering why it felt so much easier to have someone briefly look at you and ask a few questions. The older children make it sound torturous and barbaric, like being used as a lab rat to spite Father for her refusal with his only opportunity to access the children of the House.

Perhaps seeing a doctor to ease Father's worries isn't as scary as you believed.

tws ahead of time: venting, discussion of medical examinations of sex organs (pap smear), masturbation mention

so i am. very asexual. sex ambivalent but i’m really just not interested overall. i’m also afab. which means when i’m 21 i’m gonna have to get a pap smear. which is gonna SUCK

being trans makes this twice as bad. i’m low dysphoria but the idea of ANYTHING entering my body like that makes me want to cry. like i get panic attacks at the thought of having to put in a tampon (i’m a pads person) it’s like. bad. technically i’d be able to handle it (had a short period of time before realizing i was ace + trans where i thought i HAD to masturbate bc “everyone did it” (my parents gave good sex ed but normalized masturbation a bit too much lmao)) but i’d hate every minute of it

so the idea of a pap smear horrifies me. first off- i have to let a doctor see me half-naked. this part doesn’t bug me too much because . it’s a doctor and it’s completely non-sexual but i still don’t like the idea of anyone seeing . that

then i’d have to just fucking sit there while they put a fucking giant cold metal tool in my body so they can reach my fucking CERVIX???? and THEN they’d have to brush cells OFF of said cervix??? no. no no NO that gives me such bad anxiety it’s fucking insane.

i’m also terrified it’ll hurt because. i’m not gonna be sexually active and i don’t even fucking use tampons. and i KNOW that if i go to a good gyn then they will find ways to help me be less scared or feel it less but i still hate the idea of sharing that vulnerability. i’m a crier and i do not want to cry in front of a doctor because i’m scared of such a normal procedure. it’s less a fear of judgement and more just a pride thing i think. i know they deal with it frequently i’m just kinda horrified. the idea of coming out as ace to someone who has control over my health is also actually terrifying esp bc i live in texas

if i could i’d just get my whole uterus removed and solve the problem but apparently it “produces important hormones” that i don’t want to throw off balance so. guess i’m stuck

idk i need to talk to my mom about it (she gives good advice) or maybe my aunt (similar feelings towards sex as me) but god it just sounds so scary. i’m incredibly scared for it.

that being said if you have a cervix and are 21+ (25 if ur british) then you do need to get a pap smear once every three years. it may be horrifying but cervical cancer is way scarier. i’m sorry it sucks for us but it’s like life-or-death important. can’t really afford to skip out on it unfortunately :(

if anyone else has similar worries and/or has had a pap smear i’d love to hear about it in the notes. no pressure of course privacy n all but it’d make me feel less alone so if you’re comfy sharing. hope everyone’s having a good [time of day]

Chapter three had me a mess😭 please it was so real like, gave me flashbacks to when i forgot to tell my parents i had an ear infection and passed out, they came home to me laying on the floor with blood leaking out my ears🧍🏻‍♀️

What is it with dads and expressing their worry through making you think they hate you… like i tried to GASLIGHT MY DOCTOR INTO IGNORING THE INFECTION WHEN IT GOT WORSE CAUSE I WAS SO SCARED😭

Anyways, what if reader like refuses to talk to Jake for days so he’s like convinced she’s still mad at him and hates him (miscommunication makes my bones rattle😍) while reader is just terrified of Jake telling her something like he’s disappointed in her so she’s trying to out it off as much as possible???

just an idea my silly goofy daddyissuesveteran mind came up with, whatever you do will feed me for day🙏 Ik you have another series lined up but avatar is engraved in my mind rn and it won’t leave anytime soon so if you right a family AND romantic angst fic with very specific and niche bits of fluff then i will worship the ground you walk on😍😍🙏🙏

GODDAMN ANON WHAT........ but i get it... the more it gets worse the scarier dads get bc they dont know how to express their worry in a healthy way and hate feeling that way so they get angy (they dont know how to comfort) 💀 your dad was probably horrified because im over here cringing at the blood from ears PLEASE

and oh the good old miscommunication trope LMAOOOO i hate it but i love it. jake is like the perfect character for this and it's very likely this would happen. reader would definitely not want to see his reaction but jake would keep thinking that she has a right to hate him now because what kind of father drags his child home bleeding in immense pain and NOT notice??? so he'd not say anything at all EUGH

THANK YOU BY THE WAY 😭😭my avatar brainrot is not leaving as well, dont worry! but now my people pleaser brain wants to know what niche ur into so i can master it LMAO

in defence of eloise bridgerton

before i post yet another unsolicited thinkpiece, i have to credit @alrightsnaps and @torchwood-99 for inspiring these thoughts in the first place. (they have no idea who i am lol but i'm not about to plaigarise.) i've embedded their posts at the end. i read them when they were first published however many weeks/months ago and they've remained in my brain ever since.

nb. again, i didn't intend for it to be this long lol. not rambling is not my strong suit.

i was surprised to find that so many people dislike show!eloise (and book!eloise as well it seems) because i am such an eloise apologist lmao. i can fully understand that she’s very sheltered and privileged and often presents a very “not like other girls” attitude that we as a culture are trying to move away from. i understand that due to her family's circumstances and her position in society, eloise tends to unfairly judge other women, particularly her peers. however, she is also only 17, maybe 18, years old. as a modern woman in the 21st century, i displayed similar behaviour in my teenagedom despite believing myself to be a big old feminist, progressive, and socially aware. (which i do believe is was, within the context of my age and where i come from, but i also had a lot to learn and reevulate - and am certain still do and will do forevermore.) granted, i didn’t express myself as aggressively as eloise is wont to do, but there were certainly many things i do not know or understand and therefore probably said a few things that i would not even think to say today.

eloise has only just discovered wollstonecraft, she has so much more reading to do, which is crucially something she actively desires. i do not interpret her character as believing she knows all she needs to and that she knows more than anybody else, even if her countenance sometimes suggests otherwise. eloise clearly wants to learn more, to develop her mind by engaging in debate and having her ideas challenged. indeed, i think that’s what drew her to theo in the first place. with both eloise and penelope (whose behaviour warrants even deeper analysis), it seems the audience often forgets just how young they are. yes, legally they are ladies out in society, but they are still very much girls. they don’t even know how babies are made for heaven's sake. they are kept so in the dark about the contractual obligations expected of them and would be naive not to approach "the rigmarole of courtship" with some wariness.

in my opinion, it’s no wonder that eloise is so opposed to marriage and motherhood because of what she has witnessed in violet. in the throes of giving birth to hyacinth, violet had no autonomy over her own life or body, or hyacinth’s life of body, which was very much still attached to (read: inside of) hers. violet's powerlessness in this situation was compounded by the fact the choice, of whether she or the baby would live or die, was given to her totally inexperienced 19 year old son, who had never raised children before and would never know what it feels like to be with child. not only is violet barred by the doctor (until permitted by anthony) to decide the fate of her own life, and her unborn child's, she is forced to relinquish this power to someone she still considers to be a child himself.

although eloise may not be aware of the exact details of hyacinth's birth, her distress at whatever she imagines to be happening is explicit. we see her crying heavily in daphne's arms, surely a vignette of her trauma (and daphne's as well, which is not the same of course, but definitely related). that she probably hasn't been informed about what did go on makes the memory scarier still. when this is the example eloise is given of what motherhood and marriage entail (i.e., no autonomy, no self-control, possibly death), i am not surprised at all that she seeks to avoid such a fate in the strongest terms, and likewise cannot fathom why other women would desire it. in her mind, to wed a man and sire his children is to sacrifice her life, wants and freedom to choose. based on the template provided, a married woman would lose all subjectivity, existing as an object whose only real purpose is to fulfil her husband's wants and needs.

moreover, the way her character arc is structured is problematic. before the audience meets eloise (or daphne, francesca, and hyacinth) or learns her name, we already know she will inevitably fall in love, get married and have children regardless of her personality or ambitions. that her character has been set up to change her mind about marriage and motherhood really stuck with me. by fixing her storyline in such a way, the writers essentially position a woman's desire for singledom or spinsterhood as the immature fancies of a chila. while eloise's criticism of others for desiring such things can be quite severe or inappropriately timed (e.g., anthony’s failed wedding), the underlying message is not what it ought to be as a purportedly feminist programme. at its most basic level, that is, "women should be able to live their lives in whichever way they want", here as spinster or wife. instead, by having eloise “realise” that her original goals were misplaced, that her life is in fact incomplete without the things she railed against, the narrative ignores the fact that there are women who chose not to marry or procreate that remain perfectly happy and fulfilled. to suggest otherwise does these women a great disservice.

this is not to say that i believe eloise is right, per see – that marriage and motherhood spawn inescapable doom – but that a woman has options, that there are multiple ways to lead a happy life. i wish they would show (even if very briefly) that it is possible for ladies (not just working women) to remain content in singledom and, further, prefer it in some cases to the status quo. by nature, the series will always demonstrate the positive effects of marriage, whether for love (bridgertons, queen charlotte) or convenience (lady danbury, henry granville), so it is a shame that the writers do not acknowledge the alternative.

in fact, the writers seem to double down on eloise’s disdain for these roles precisely because they know she will change her mind. being aware of how her story ends, they could have presented her character as more sceptical/scared of these concepts rather than outright hostile/insulting. i think this would have completely changed the moral of her narrative as well as the tone of her relationship with theo. i think a big part of their relationship arc was to show eloise that perhaps it is not so bad to love a man and desire a life together. i believe it was probably the writers' intention to introduce theo as a way to segue into her love story with phillip. however, it is important to remember that to love and marry a working man does not carry the same implications it does a gentleman.

from the outset, the balance of power between the sexes is more equal with theo and eloise knows this. she can see that theo appreciates her mind for what it is - not an “accomplishment”, as she would say, to increase her stock, but genuine interest in her voice. because of their class differences, she doesn’t owe him anything, nor does she expect anything from him. so, when eloise does share her thoughts with him, she can be secure in the knowledge that theo is spending time with her for no other reason than because he wants to. eloise knows theo takes her opinion seriously and sees her as an independent subject instead of a marriageable object.

in this regard, eloise's fears of marrying a gentleman (a specific type of man) have not been reasonably assuaged because what a man of phillip's rank typically wants/offers a lady is inherently different to a working man. this is not to say that i’m against her relationship with phillip, on the contrary philloise is my favourite ship after hyareth (more so due to fandom lore and ao3 headcanons than to sir phillip, with love, which i have not read and do not intend to). i simply believe the writers could have developed her character more sensitively with regard to her feminist identity.

in defence of the writers, i believe eloise's bravado that so many viewers seem to dislike (her attitude that she is "not like other girls") speaks to her insecurity as a young debutante. early in season 2, eloise admits to peneolope the shame she feels knowing (though, this is surely in her head) that she will forever disappoint her mother, her suitors and the ton for not being daphne ("the perfect diamond"). in the way people so often do, i believe eloise wants people to know that she does not care about their opinions because deep down she actually does.

eloise has shown instances of social anxiety and clearly worries about measuring up to daphne and possibly francesca, who is canonically next season's diamond. i get the impression that eloise wants to reach the punchline before her critics can, to ensure suitors know she has already found them disagreeable and, therefore, does not care if they think the same of her. as is somewhat symptomatic of girls her age, i think eloise is afraid, and perhaps ashamed, to be herself.

when she sneers at other debutantes for desiring courtship and the like, eloise appears to project her insecurities about finding a suitable match onto others. i do not mean to imply that she secretly wants all the things she argues against, rather that she loves her family and wants to please her family (particularly her mother) and is afraid of disappointing them simply by way of who she is. from this perspective, eloise endeavours to keep others' expectations of her as low as possible so as to not let anybody down.

Honestly. Anxiety?? A bitch (me) is medicated for it and it’s scarier imo to request stuff than reblog. Neither of which is actually that scary lmao but one is literally not interacting with a stranger directly. What is going through these peoples minds? What is this logic?

i'm also medicated for my anxiety 🫠 i have to go to my doctor every 6 months for a check-in on my medication.

but same! i think it's scarier to request things from ppl, especially from ppl who i'm not super familiar with/not mutuals with. for me, it's akin to calling the doctor's office and making my own appointment 😭 i gotta hype myself up and tell myself, "it's not that scary, stop overthinking it!" bc realistically, it's not scary but anxiety 😂 but once i do send in the request, omg am i waiting in anticipation for the cc to fulfill it!

i just think that using anxiety as an excuse or a crutch or whatever you wanna call it, for not reblogging things is just bullshit. tbh... my anxiety was terrible back in 2015–2017, i had extreme panic disorder and was constantly afraid of being yelled at or reprimanded by my boss at the time. but i always came to tumblr to find some peace and i loved requesting things bc it gave me a little something to look forward to!

i really have no idea what goes through these ppls minds and i have no idea what their logic is. but jokes on them bc tumblr is FULL of ppl with anxiety and we've never had a problem reblogging things we've requested 😇

Frostmas Year Three: Behind the Scenes

Prologue | Y1 | Y2 | Y3 | Y4 | Y5 | Y6 | Y7 | Y8 | Y9 | Y10 | Y11 | Y12

---

oh my god this is the I'M TELLING MOM AND DAD chapter! I did not realize this until I decided "Man, you know what'd be a great distraction from work? A Frostms BTS!" and I am DELIGHTED to dig into this one, and HOPEFULLY resist the urge to throw it back in the doc manager and rewrite it.

Before I yell ONWARDS a quick note: I can't for the life of me figure out how tf to do levelled bulleted lists with the new post editor. I managed to conjure them the other day but when I previewed the post, it was just a bulleted list. So we'll have a bit of a new format for these next Frostms BTS posts! :)

Alrighty. ONWARDS

Jacquie's Intro

"This strange tingling feeling deep within my core…" that's magibean for ROSEHAVEN MAGIC SUSSING HER OUT :)

"are we really starting with PAIN Dani?" yes, shut up and enjoy the angst 😘

"spoilers, you know!" I am still marathoning Doctor Who at this point. We've reached River territory, 100% :)

SO YEAH, Meet the Frosts never happened in Frostmas, so now we're seeing WHY Mother Nature visiting was so important and laid the groundwork for reunions in Crystal Springs!

I guess Y3 is kinda like, the upside-down version of Meet the Frosts, lmao.

Okay. MEAT TIME.

Scene 1 &2: I'M TELLING

We're one scene in and I'm already itching to go back and adjust the third person perspective so you can still clearly hear Jacqueline

initially when I started Frostmas, I was going to switch between first person and third omnipresent

but then i was like, wow, jacqueline's really fun to write as (she's a whole lot of me tbh, just with an amped up chaos meter and a shittier filter than I have)

so when you read through frostmas now, in recent chapters, if she's not there she's still narrating--this chapter desperately needs a touch up to reflect that 😅

"Grinning, Jack got an idea. A terrible, awful idea" yes this is a Grinch reference, 100% :)

"Bernard considered all of Jack's recent "brilliant" ideas: the preordered parts (ended in catastrophic toy malfunctions with several elves sustaining crazy injuries in overnight at the Elfirmiry), ordering things online (secret of Santa was apparently not a thing for Jack), and not to mention the theme music thing. They had all ended in disaster" not me dropping more hints about how this whole shebang goes :o

my GOD i need to tidy this year up. ANYWAY.

Scene 3: the twins answer the door

and CHAOS REIGNS

ha, not yet

but gosh, the TWINS, who do NOT know Jack, answering the door like "the fuck?"

we're off to a great start, huh, Jack? >:)

AND THE SHOE DROPS! STRIKE ON DURING THIS VISIT FOR JACK--FRESH SIBLINGS WHO DON'T KNOW HIM BECAUSE THEIR PARENTS NEVER TOLD THEM

AND FROSTMAS ERASED THEM FINDING OUT ON THEIR OWN :O

originally the anti-concious thing was supposed top be Pyros's cursed influence, LITERALLY PMAN, but I'm not so sure it's Pyros HIMSELF now. I think it's just like, the effect of his curse--doing everything in it's power to keep the sprite extra-frozen

my god i'm diabolical.

maybe the real villain was the writer the entire time :o

ANWYAY

Goddess of the Springs bless Blaise. The man's patience knows no bounds. He sees his estranged son at the door, his eldest daughter ready to throw down, and his two youngest absolutely unaffected and he's like "we should talk this out I think". Love him for it.

FOCUS MODE! THIS IS BTS, NOT A SELF-REVIEW

I do love this tho bc I only recently realized that Blaise's core is HOPE. Man's so full of hope, it's no WONDER that when Jack pops in in this wonky illegal timeline, his first instinct is "okay let's chat and explain things and see if maybe we can make this work" and also "holy fuck where's my wife at this is a LOT" (not pictured)

Blaise's tell, 9/10 times, is his hair. He plays poker extinguished, as a fun fact :)

GOD. I CAN'T READ THIS NOW IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2022 CAUSE ALL I CAN THINK IS THAT SCOTT SANTA IN THE SANTA CLAUSES LOOKS SCARIER! GOD! FUCKING! DAMN! SHIT! FUCK!

ANYWAY, enter Winter!

I was always like, hmm, maybe she wouldn't have fainted, and I've lost count of how many times I've been like "oh no. fainting isn't what would happen. can people faint bc of shock? (googles fainting) (reads up on shocks) OKAY I SUPPOSE IT WORKS.

it was a combo of humour but also a devastating blow, or it was SUPPOSED to be, bc you'd be like "wholly shit. she FAINTED? good lord, upside down meet the frosts inDEED"

Scene 4: SNITCHES GET STITCHES

Wow holy SHIT this is so short?

this chapter, that is

nothing else big was planned for this year, though, admittedly. Jack tries to reunite with the family, fails!

at least, I don't THINK anything else was planned

but Everything up to the first half of Y6 was lost in 2016 when my computer took a steep dive about. 3ish feet off of a counter top and onto the stone floor bc I tripped on the cord while grabbing the phone

🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

ANYWAY yeah, short chapter! but now's the fun part.

If the twins was the first strike, then Blaise being a bit cold perhaps would be the second strike--leaving Winter, who is now across from Jack at the head of the table

(something something symbolism for head of house and power and such)

leaving Winter as strike three >:)

Blaise trying to reign in Jacqueline for this entire discussion is giving him greys as we read, tbh

Jacqueline: I'll spare you the long winded details, reader

Jacqueline, two years later: Here are all the long winded details, get fucked I am processing Trauma

Dani, IRL looking at the staunch difference in word count between the first half and the second half: what hell have I wrought

Jack: I've been reflecting and such!

Blaise:

Writing Winter's no was so cathartic.

She is a very scary lady and we don't really see it bc she's also a Mom, and very warm and about being together and such

But she is VERY scary. Her season, her EVERYTHING can be TERRIFYING.

And to have that be turned on Jack, especially after the DoD and how she played the mediator then?

CATHARTIC I TELL YOU

AND THIS NEXT BIT

I almost flubbed up, let me tell you guys. I almost froze Jacqueline right here on the spot and then went wait, wait hold up. This is too early, let me double check my notes

do I remember what they said? no!

but the jist (gist??) of it was that this is where she gets the idea, but doesn't do it

now, older and wiser than 2015 Dani, I can tell you with certainty that this is most definitely where it starts happening. I mean, how could it not? She's tired, she's frustrated, she's been in this shitty timeline for tHREE YEARS and nobody else seems to be like 'well this seems wrong and bad'. Her brother is back but not at all like she had ever HOPED he'd be, and he's being an ASS and she's really, REALLY angry and what sprite wouldn't, when face with all of that, freeze their lil hearts?

Jacqueline, apparently, and this is b/c, SEMI SPOILER ALERT FOR Y11, Winter staves it off

YOU READ IT HERE BOYS!

Winter coming up and supporting Jacqueline, even that simple little act of saying "i love you" and hugging her, staves off (but doesn't stop) her eminent freeze.

Anyway. If your friends and loved ones are having a rough time, a little love goes a long way is all we here at SafyreSky industries have to say

Even if it is through the allegorical concept of sprites freezing (hardening) their hearts :3

Anyway, got ahead of myself bc of this flub lmao, which is obvious when you actually read the last bit KNOWING I beefed it haha

Jacqueline being like "This was only strike one" is Dani being like "SHIT I FUCKED UP AND NEED TO RESET, AH!"

But it's safe enough to say from this point on, Jacqueline's starting to freeze :o

oh and also

"Jacqueline Frost never cries" is BULLSHIT. She cries, alright. She just pretends she doesn't so she can keep up her "cool" appearance/reputation :)

but she does cry!

you heard it here folks, crying is cool 😎

Anyway. This was a FUN ONE to distract me from work! And quick! I'm going to have to tidy up Y3 at some point, it's slightly off. but it still holds up alright :)

Black Wedding

Moving on to the last episode!

With that said, I googled this show today and, apparently, there is a second season coming out this year, which means that this one will probably end on a cliffhanger and nothing of consequence will be resolved 😢 Now, while I did enjoy this show immensely, I am very sceptical that it can hold out for another 10 episodes. Most of the fun here was the character expositions. The demon hunt itself has been very boring (and the "black wedding" and Vlach witchcraft turned out to have absolutely nothing to do with the actual plot) so I am not convinced they have enough here to keep me hooked for another season.

But let's see. So far, this drama has exceeded all my expectations (which were admittedly pretty low to begin with) and it might just continue to do so.

***

I take it the exorcism didn't go well?

Having the kid go full evil and not being saved would be a very appealing twist, ngl, but I doubt they had the guts to go there.

***

I knew he was just a lackey.

Such a beautiful man but such a pathetic character. It kills all the attraction.

Anyway, he's reporting to a woman? Is this Vesna? Or someone else? Am I wrong about the aunt?

Lovely puppers, though. Pity they mutilated their ears.

***

LOL, she's losing her everloving mind.

Much scarier than demon masks and poor attempts at CGI.

***

Is this a dead body?

Father Tihon's dead body?

***

LOL, she's speaking in tongues now.

I am so unable to take this seriously.

***

I think the only possession/religious horror movie that ever truly scared me has been The Skeleton Key. Truly unparalleled and terrifying. Everything else is just play-pretend in comparison.

***

I love that the best insult even a demon can come up with for a woman in this show is "whore" 🙄

***

LOL, here comes this moron to ruin the exorcism.

***

LOL, he literally rescued the devil 🤣🤣

I love it, it couldn't have happened to a more deserving asshole.

***

LOL, did you come to kill the child, or did you too come to rescue the devil from exorcism?

***

LMAOOOOOO

Shouldn't have interrupted that exorcism, eh? 🤣🤣

I am having so much fun! This is why I always cheer for the devil in these things.

***

Is Saruman genuinely here to really fight the devil?

Like... him not turning out to be an actual force of evil would be the biggest plot twist of all for me in this show.

***

LMAO, if you are the one with the brain cells here, then neither God nor the devil can help us 🤣🤣

***

I knew he would return home to find her dead.

I just imagined it would be self-inflicted.

***

Vesna?

Seems a bit too young, though. But she might have sold her soul in return for eternal youth or something, idk.

***

NOOOOO, LEAVE PETAR ALONE

***

WTF. Didn't they say the devil skipped her?

***

OMG IT IS VESNA!

THE SAME ACTRESS AND EVERYTHING! AGED NOT A DAY IN 50 YEARS!

And I was wrong about the aunt 😔

***

So, he is a devil worshipper too.

***

So, she's been the Black Duke all along?

Disappointed. I had hoped Ida would be it.

***

WAIT, SHE BECAME A NUN?

Smh. Let women be sexual and feminists and atheists and NGO activists without confining them to a nunnery in the Year of Our Lord 2024 😭

*** The goddamn doctor is also devil worshipping 😒

***

So... another mass shooter?

***

WTF SHE'S ALIVE???????????????

***

Anyway.

Yeah, nothing got wrapped up. Yeah, massive cliffhangers abound. Second season is inevitable 😔

For the alphabet nsfw. Can I request A, B, C, D and X? For baizhu, diluc and venti please (・∀・)

;)

- NOTSFW!! Minors don’t interact with this post! -

*I’m not taking notsfw alphabet requests anymore!! Just finishing up the ones I haven’t posted yet!!*

Venti:

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Venti doesn’t have any interest in cleaning up, he just wants to lay there with you and bask in that post-sex glow. If you nag him enough, he’ll go get a wet washcloth to clean you both off so you can cuddle without being sticky lmao. He is gentle though, he’s sure to give you lots of praise and kisses! But you can’t be stingy, you gotta give him kisses too ofc :)

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Venti is a tits/chest man through and through. He loves burying his face in your chest only to grin up at you mischievously. His favorite part of himself are probably his eyes, he’s always been told he has pretty eyes and he can’t help but agree. His eyes are the only part of his form that are his

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He looooves coming on your chest and then slowly licking it off of you, letting his hands wander and grope wherever he wants as he does. He’ll make sure to kiss you too so you can have a taste~

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

As the Anemo archon, Venti can change his physical form whenever he pleases. Sooo…He really wishes he could take on your form and fuck you that way, mimic your expressions and use your voice to moan the same way you do. He just thinks it would be fun and hot. He just doesn’t know how to ask to do something like this, it isn’t exactly normal 0-0

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

A solid 5 inches, no curve and no pubes, he doesn’t have any body hair, just smooth skin all over. He could always change forms if you want…or just to see what you can take

Baizhu:

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Very worn out and clingy. He isn’t usually clingy but after sex, he wants to hold you close to cherish that warm, floaty feeling for a little bit longer. He’ll make you come take a bath with him, he can’t stand going to bed sticky! he’ll be a grump the next morning if he wakes up with dried cum on his hands or stomach

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Like Venti, Baizhu thinks his best feature is his eyes, he kinda struggles with body image stuff because he’s weak and sickly but one thing he’s always liked are his snakelike eyes. His favorite part of you is your neck/shoulders/collarbone area. He likes kissing at the soft skin there or nuzzling into your neck to breathe in your perfume

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Baizhu has to deal with bodily fluids of all kinds on a near daily basis so he isn’t the biggest fan of…messes. He prefers coming in you or in your mouth cause that’s less cleanup for him lmao what a jerk

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Baizhu isn’t the most ethical doctor in the world, he does sell ‘herbs’ to the Fatui. He is skilled in making all kinds of drugs and that included horny herbal meds. He’s taken them by himself before while you were away on commission runs. He underestimated the strength of them and found himself profusely sweating while humping your pillow. Then he passed out. Baizhu woke up 12 hours later surrounded by your clothes, covered in cum and with the most insane headache he’s ever had in his life. Never again. And he’ll never tell you what went down that day…not like he really knows either, which makes it even scarier

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

His is a good 6 and a halfish inches long with a pretty, upward curve. The head of his cock always flushes pink when he’s hard, just give it a kiss. He keeps his pubes nicely trimmed. He’s always clean, he takes bathing seriously 💀

Diluc:

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Very protective, he’ll hold you tight against his sweaty chest and press a kiss to the top of your head before falling asleep. You’ll have to shake him back awake so you two can get cleaned up and even then, once you do, he’ll want to resume this position :) he loves holding you, especially when you’re both nude and he can feel your warm skin against his

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Diluc likes his own hands and arms, he’s pretty muscular so he’s allowed to like his figure! And he loves the way his hands look on your waist or around your thighs. His favorite part of you is probably your lips/mouth. He loves kissing you, making you smile, feeling your mouth on his neck and chest. Yeah… ;)

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

His gentlemanly nature wouldn’t lead you to believe he enjoys being messy but he does. He loves fucking you silly, watching his cum ooze out of you. Other than coming inside you, he loves how your face and chest looks glistening with his cum. Diluc’s dirty, repressed fantasies~

D and X -> here

─• team 7 as types of best friends

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵ ︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵ ︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿

(am i writing something about best friends again? yes. do i care? no)

𝒩𝒶𝓇𝓊𝓉𝑜:

Is the best kind of friend. He’s loyal, funny, kind and genuinely cares about the people in his life. What more could you possibly want?

He is the one you usually go to when you need a pick me up. It doesn’t even matter what’s wrong, when you come over and he sees the look on your face you’re immediately getting pulled into the biggest hug ever

Has such a way with words that you find yourself smiling or laughing in every situation, he’s just that good. Your friendship in general is all sunshine and rainbows and laughs lol

Speaking of! Naruto gives the best hugs ever and you can’t change my mind

He envelopes your whole body in a bear hug before picking you off the ground slightly and kind of just…holds you for a good minute or two. It’s very comforting

Is down to do everything you want, no matter how crazy it might sound. He’s adventurous like that and your presence makes everything better anyway

You can call him at 3 am and you best believe he’ll go and get ice cream with you

Gets very protective and stands up for you even when you’re not around

Always believes in you and your dreams, no matter how impossible they might look to others. He supports everything you do 100%

If you ever feel like giving up, he’s there to pick you and to encourage you to keep going

Because of that, you feel like the best version of yourself around him

Lowkey has a crush on you (and you totally made out once shh)

𝒮𝒶𝓀𝓊𝓇𝒶:

Sakura, my baby, she gives the best advice! You can come to her for everything and after an hour or so of talking all of your problems suddenly disappear or just don’t seem that serious anymore.

You guys often have sleepovers that consist of you gossiping about boys/girls or whatever’s been happening around the village lately

You don’t really get any sleep tho and just stay up laughing and eating junk food (be prepared bc after one of these nights, she’ll make you eat greens for like a week bc you don’t argue with a doctor)

Sometimes Ino joins you as well

She has the tendency to get very caught up in her work and everything she does in general so Sakura really appreciates it when you get her out of that state and force her to relax

Will get mani-pedis with you each month

Face masks and bath bombs are a must! (yes, with no context)

She will too resort to violence if someone dares to talk ill about you 😊 she’s even scarier than sasuke

Your opinion matters a lot to her so she comes to you for advice or even just a good talk as much as you come to her. You got each other’s backs always

Has meet all of your significant others and she only liked…one of them :(( the others she couldn’t stand lol

Is really, and I mean really good at reading people and their intentions so she understands right away when someone isn’t serious or just wants to play around with you (and she’s always right too)

(has tried to get you and Naruto together numerous times bc of that)

You definitely had a slight crush on all three of them at some point

𝒮𝒶𝓈𝓊𝓀𝑒:

Sasuke is just…Sasuke lmao (which means perfect jshgkj)

He is the best listener. Can listen to you vent about anything under the sun without interrupting once!

Tbh, you feel the most comfortable around him. You can let all of your emotions out, be it anger or sadness, bc you know he won’t ever judge you

His presence alone is very comforting and while he was rather awkward at first, with time he started comforting you with words and soft touches as well

Is not as adventurous as Naruto but you can rope him into some crazy shit too! Just ask

He is the one that you can chill on a roof with and watch the stars all night. That’s usually when talks about deeper topics happen and he finally doesn’t hold back

Remembers everything you tell him, no matter how insignificant it may be

Will slap a bitch for you no questions asked! Sasuke doesn’t jump to your defense impulsively like Naruto does but if something pisses him off, violence is suddenly the only answer 😊

We all know he isn’t one for physical affection but if you happen to hug him, he’ll NEVER push you off (but he won’t always return them either)

You guys have this thing where you get in his car and drive around for a few hours just to get away from everything

He will sometimes relax while resting his head on your lap. If you start playing with his hair he might even fall asleep

Will play the role of your fake boyfriend if you ever need one lol, and he doesn’t even ask any questions (he makes an amazing fake bf tho)

Your mom adores him

A few more gay-wakening quotes + a few ikesoren quotes for you raccoons (Ily u guys thank u for the support-)

Lon'qu: Hey dad- wait- I mean-

Basilio: No, no, no.

Basilio: No take backs.

Maribelle: Brady’s anger management classes are a fucking scam, mf told him to hit Owain with a brick yesterday! 

Frederick: It’s called Reverse Psychology, Maribelle…

Maribelle: Reverse? Bitch this isn’t UNO!

Ricken: Can we please stay in your tent?

Robin: Why?

Ricken: We played with a Ouija board and cursed mine....

Ricken: And Henry isn’t much help. He doesn’t know how to banish spirits so he just throws salt at them and yells “does this look like a hotel to you?!”

Vaike: Beauty and the Beast, but reversed. I kiss the girl and she turns into a monster and it’s awesome

Sully: Shrek.

Vaike:

Vaike: This post is canceled

Sumia: Coward

Lissa, pretending a hairbrush is a microphone: And now for a gay update with Henry. How's it going?

Henry, starring at Ricken: Getting gayer.

Lissa: Thank you, Henry.

Donnel: Do you ever feel bugs on you when there aren't any?

Sully: Those are the ghosts of all the bugs you've killed.

Donnel:

Stahl: Look what you did, you scared him!

Robin: You're the love of my life and my best friend, I would do anything for you.

Chron: I want you to eat three meals a day and have a healthy sleep schedule.

Robin: Absolutely not.

Brady: Ok guys shut up *Answers phone* Hey, mom.

Owain: miSsEs MaRiBeLlE tEll yOuR sOn tO coMe bAcK tO bEd

Inigo: *Sex noises*

Owain: BABE, WE CANT HAVE A THREESOME WITHOUT YOU!

Cynthia: Tell her i say hiii!!!

Severa: pAss the wEeEEeEeeEeEeeeE-

Ike, peaking under the bed: Soren, are you ready to come out and interact with people?

Soren: *Demonic screeching*

Ike: Understandable, have a good day

Stahl: Why is there blood everywhere!??

Lon'qu: I may have aggressivelly poked someone with my blade.

Stahl: yoU STABBED SOMEONE!?!?

Lon'qu: No no, aggressively poked them with my blade..

Robin: Chrom. Is that your hand on my ass?

Chrom: Oops. My bad. It was an accident.

Robin: Your hand is still on my ass.

Chrom: Still an accident.

Doctor: Mr? Your boyfriend's awake.

Ike: Really? How is he? Has he said anything-

Doctor: Yes, he said "Tell the priest to fuck off, I'm not dead yet."

Soren, hoarse: I lost my voice. 

Ike: Well, that’s good. that means you can’t insult kings yell at me anymore!

*The next day*

Ike: So apparently, Soren's scarier when he’s quiet.

Ike: *Being Ike*

Soren: You better shut the fuck up before I look at you one day, feel warm and realize I've fallen in love with you.

Ike: Wait wh-

Soren: I'm serious, quit it! FUCK!

Ricken: Olivia, can I talk to you for a second?

Olivia: Yeah, what’s up-? Lemme guess. You have a crush on Henry and you want me to teach you how to kiss?

Ricken: What? No, stop that. I know how to kiss. I’ve read books.

Ricken: What time is it?

Henry: I don’t know; pass me that saxophone and we’ll find out

Henry: *Plays sax loudly and extremely out of tune*

Lon'qu: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE SAXOPHONE AT TWO IN THE MORNING

Henry: It’s 2 am

Some dude: We have your son.

Basilio: I don't have a so-

Basilio: Oh wait. You have Lon'qu. Lmao good luck with that.

Five minutes later: PLEASE TAKE HIM BACK-

` I'm bed, bath and beyond disappointed in you. ` Gaius, after Laurent pulled another all-nighter

Village of the Angels Rewatch Thoughts

This was a lot longer but I took out a lot of the parts where I was just quoting lines/describing moments and repeating how much I love and am obsessed with them 

Okay usually I don’t like when we start off spending like five minutes away from the Doctor and/or companions, especially in this era because I feel like it happens way too much and for way too long, but I love that beginning part with Jericho and Claire a lot. Although I wasn’t a massive fan when watching it live lmao

‘You’ve had that coat a while, then.’ This whole ep is comedy gold while still being scary/serious at moments (much like Villa Diodati) and I’m obsessed with it. Maxine Alderton come back for every ep I beg

Didn’t expect to give a fuck about Jericho but I actually love him and I’m glad he’s back in the next ep

Idk what I was expecting to see in the mirror when it panned up but fuckin Weeping Angel wings was not it and it looks so cool

Yaz once again tryna be all police-y and the people around her not giving a fuck lol. Except this time it’s just an asshole man from the 60s and not an evil alien

I know it’s a thing people have been saying, about how the Doctor has basically spent no time with Yaz or Dan so far this season, and I know that a lot of it has been because of things the Doctor couldn’t control, but also I feel like even if she did have control, she would still probably be tryna distance herself like in this ep she leaves Dan and Yaz to their devices without a second thought, because the more time she’s with them the more she has to put on her persona of fineness and deal with questions from Yaz and stuff like that

Quite liked the Bel moments in this ep and especially liked that they didn’t go on forever

When the ep aired I was like idk the order or Claire and the Doctor meeting so imma just assume it makes sense but now that I’m actually able to pay proper attention, what I’m getting is that Claire had one of her premonitions where she saw the TARDIS, the Doctor, the street Dan lives on(?), and some other stuff. And that is why she turned up on the street where Yaz and 13 were and how she recognized them. And then the Angel got her and sent her to this village. Right? So the Doctor and her have met in the same order and their meeting on Dan’s street was their first time meeting each other, it’s just that Claire knew who the Doctor was in that first ep because of her premonition beforehand

You’re telling me while Peggy was taking Yaz and Dan to where the village ends or whatever, they had to get right up close to it to notice lmao don’t think so

The fire angel is so cool!!!

‘Brilliant, made it worse.’ 

Asking for permission to enter Claire’s mind is my favourite thing ever. You just know it’s because of everything she’s found out about her past. One of the moments where I think you can really tell that Chib has put a lot of thought into how the things in his era play out and almost everything has a meaning

I was worried the Weeping Angels using Claire and Jericho to talk rather than just kinda being ominous presences would make them less scary but it literally doesn’t at all. If anything I feel like it made them scarier. And I know Angel Bob spoke in Time of Angels/Flesh and Stone and that was spooky too but it was played more for laughs as far as I can remember. This is like, actually supposed to scare you. And it works pretty well imo

Why is Azure collecting people in the Passenger? Like.. for fun? Should we understand what she’s doing this for or am I right to not fully understand yet idk I also just didn't really pay attention to when Bel was explaining it to Inbetweeners guy so that’s my bad lol

‘Enough questions Dan.’ Yaz, your Doctor is showing

Getting got by an Angel a second time killing you is actually so cool. I looove the extra stuff Chib added to the Angel lore in this episode. 

‘But we are patient. We have time.’ is a great line.

The Doctor’s need to save humans and her desperation for info on her past is really fucking with her judgement huh. Trusting an Angel was always gonna be a bad idea

Everything about the tunnel scene is so fuckin good. Just the right amount of spooky

Something about the Angels not going for Thirteen and just staying stood there instead is so much scarier than them doing their usual move when you blink thing. SO COOL

I’ve seen a lot of people say that they don’t like that Thirteen has no control over anything that happens to her right now, and like, obviously it’s fine to not like that but that’s just... part of the story?? Idk how to explain it. LIke, this isn’t some ‘Chib is so bad at writing’ situation, you not like a story doesn’t mean it’s objectively terrible and Chib is shit at his job

The Doctor’s face when she realizes that they used her love of humans against her!!!!!

I don’t notice music much in this era but when Claire says ‘You are recalled to Division’ damn bro

The Doctor turning into an Angel is probably the coolest shot in the whole of Doctor Who I stg. Her face??? The wings coming out of her back???? I could cry actually

I knew there was something wrong with the theme at the end of the ep but I didn’t realise it was the heart beats missing bc the doctor is made of stone SO COOL!!

Okay even tho I’m a lil meh on the inclusion of Bel and Vinder right now, I am actually looking forward to them (presumably) finding each other at some point in ep 5 or 6. And I’m assuming they’re gonna have more of a purpose than a random love story, we just don’t know what it is yet. So I’m excited to find out who they are

Not ashamed to say I teared up when I saw Kate Stewart in the next time trailer. And then I had to rewatch it because the second I saw her, I stopped paying attention lmao

The vibe Maxine brings to her episodes is my favourite thing ever and you can really tell that she was involved in this ep, much like with Villa Diodati. I generally don’t care too much that Chib’s writing is a bit shitter than previous eras, because it’s not constantly bad and I love basically everything else about this era, but damn getting a writer like Maxine in on an ep really maks you feel the difference huh. 

I think this might be my second fave Thirteenth Doctor episode. And maybe also my second fave DW episode of all time

hiiii

it's been a while since i told u what i dreamt lols

so here

ok so me and my cousin were in my aunt's dinner table eating turkey i think,the dinner room was dark,you could barely see a thing because it was full of people too,it was dark in like,idk...a brown and yellowish way more than a black way?,like if the room was being iluminated by a single candle and some lamps that lowkey don't work

so anyways

my cousin was talking to someone and out of nowhere she starts singing We Don't Talk About Bruno lmao and when Pepa's and Félix's part was over she looked at me in confusion and then asked me if i know Dolores's part

and obviously i knew like-

and i was like ''here's how it goes'' and then a bunch of people from the back pushed us (not intentionally i think,but they did) and it was like 12 people maximum,because when i tell you the room was full of people it's because it was,like i could feel their fucking sweat ugh,and apparently all of them were punks because they had those liberty spikes and they were all over me and my cousin

we went below the table so we could talk in peace and then i told her the lyrics of Dolores's part

then that part ended and i ''woke up'' in a really flat and hard (obv) rock with some starry dark blue blankets in a fucking jungle ig

i got out of there and i went to a close room

the outside was just rocks

the inside consisted of broken wood stairs,white ceiling,a lightbulb and walls full of turquoise tiles,some parts of the walls didn't have them though,and you could see a pastel yellow paint

there were even some tiles in the floor,like the walls were never finished

there was a point where the stairs ended and led to a door made out of wood too

i opened it and now i was outside i believe

it was really sunny which was weird since the jungle in where i woke was super cloudy

then people of about my age or a little bit older appeared out of literally nowhere and started running so fucking fast

out of pure instinct i followed them because they looked scared too lols

and when i look up i see mf cheetah bro (Gina the cheetah made a comeback i'm guessing) she was running away from something too

i look back and i see a bunch of lilac roller coaster seats that looked like bumper cars going full speed towards us and a person running behind with their arms extended and glowing purple eyes that had smoke coming out of them like she was controlling those shits

then we were in a dark dark room and that person was holding a lamp iluminating their own face and they were telling us about how doctors took out the plastic and metals (?) from the corpses of women who had plastic surgeries ._.

i saw a barbie laying down in a stretcher and some hands with latex gloves holding a pair of tweezers and opening that barbie's head a bit and then the waist

the barbie then started screaming saying '' NO NO DON'T TAKE THEM AWAY FROM ME'' while the doctor was taking some metal pieces out of her waist and when the doctor finished the barbie said ''oh that feels a lot better actually''

i thought ''okay but that was just an interpretation of what happens,that dude actually did that to a dead woman who was talking to him so that must have been a lot scarier'' and then i woke up fr :D

that. wow that sure was a dream--

gina the cheetah🙏🙏🙏

no but i love when dreams are so nonsensical like this because like. what is it supposed to mean---

Well, you have officially dragged me back into the BATIM fandom lol. Just--holy cow--I remember drawing a lot of pictures of the BATIM characters a year ago, wow my art was bad. Anyways, wanted to say that your art is absolutely amazing and wanted to ask if your Sammy will ever just get some therapy? Cause heavens knows he needs it. Sammy needs it, Henry needs it, EVERYONE NEEDS THERAPY

OMG thank u, I don’t know how I keep dragging people in here with me I don’t even understand how I got here myself but WELCOME LMAO IM GLAD UR ENJOYING WHATEVER THIS IS

I was gonna ask whether this was for Escape AU or the Cthulhu crew but IT APPLIES TO BOTH……. they all really do… unfortunately they’re both in circumstances that make it very difficult for them, so they may have to do their best without. More specific thoughts --

As far as Escape AU goes, IIRC the 1960s was when the big backlash against psychiatry was going on -- when the idea that psychotherapy was largely useless, or worse, that mental health professionals were influencing their patients and inventing or creating disorders that weren’t originally there, started getting a lot of traction. So while it’s a better scene than most of the escapees would be used to from the 30s and 40s, there’d be a lot of reasons for them to be wary even in the best of circumstances.

And these aren’t the best of circumstances -- much of their trauma comes from the fact that they were murdered and transformed in the secret underground of a high profile animation company with a combination of dark magic and questionable technology, and sealed away in a time loop for like 15 years. Either nobody believes what really happened to them and they’re treated as if it’s some sort of delusion, or people DO believe it and the spotlight of the unsolved JDS disappearances swings onto the Escape House. BOTH OUTCOMES ARE BAD FOR SAMMY IN PARTICULAR; if they don’t believe him, Sammy’s sense of reality is dodgy enough that well-meaning medical professionals trying to help him understand that none of his trauma actually happened to him would be a bit of a nightmare; if they DO believe him, then Sammy Lawrence, responsible for the ritual murder of several of the unsolved JDS disappearances with only “magical ink told me to” as an alibi, is not going to be a free man at the end of this. 

Maybe they could find things other than the elephant in the room to address; like, I think Sammy could probably find some healing in unpacking and understanding the emotionally abusive relationship he had with Joey Drew, even if he still has to navigate Ink Hell Trauma himself. But then, he’d have good reason to be wary of bringing up a gay relationship, too, so… in general just so much of it would be a minefield for them. There’s probably someone out there who could be safe and helpful, but I can’t imagine most of the crew being willing to try, and for the good of keeping attention off the Escape house, they would probably not consider it as an option unless someone was genuinely impossible to live with.

And then in Cthulhu AU, in the time period where asylums were becoming “mental hospitals,” Cthulhu!Sammy holds tight to the fear that any medical professional discovering he’s trans will ruin his life, so unless he’s rushed to a hospital while unconscious, he would rather suffer than seek treatment for most things. But even setting that aside, the 1930s is uh aLSO NOT A GREAT TIME TO SEEK MENTAL HEALTH TREATMENT (lobotomies will become a thing in a couple of years!) and a great time to get experimentally shocked/drugged a bunch if something seems wrong. Sammy has always considered himself a little to the left of sane, but feeling like he is genuinely losing his mind after the various Mythos horrors he’s witnessed is only going to make doctors scarier. 

In the modern day THERAPY IS V HELPFUL AND I RECOMMEND IT IN GENERAL, but for these people in impossible, magical circumstances, there’d be a lot of extra obstacles.

so uh last night at like 4 am i couldnt sleep, decided to walk my dog, and came up with this bad boy. It’s a rough draft, though. um @professional-benaddict read it and told me to post it, so whatever rafni says goes. 

-Little! Peter with like everyone lmao (platonically), but main pairing is Tony x Peter. everyone is 18+ and Littles are known. but yeah, I call this “uncanonically Canon AU” because it follows canon character tropes (except Peter).

----------------

so i LOVE the doctor trope w stephen and tony to death, like probably a lil too much, but hear me out

--canon tony and the avengers with not canon (aka powerless) little peter

--im thinking how they met is before peter became classified as a little, he was smart smart. so, he still gets the internship, but a real one this time.

--hes hanging out with the other interns when he feels himself regress. he freaks and goes to hide in a bathroom or something

--he runs into (probably pepper??) someone and they help him get out of the tower because he's obviously very vulnerable

--they (pepper?) take him to the hospital to get tested and find out hes a high care little. once they find out peter freaks out because omg he cant work like this

--(pepper?) assures him that they will figure it our, but with no CG, and just for plot sake, he also is living alone at this point so they dont feel comfortable sending him home, so he stays overnight, at least, in the hospital

--(pepper?) goes to talk to tony himself about this since hes the one who chose and hired the interns. tony isnt quite sure what to do because peter is one of the best in their group

--(pepper?) suggests that he go have a one on one talk with peter and see what the boy wants to do with his future, and also meet with the doctors to see what they think is best for his future

--now, tony has met peter a few times, and the kid is pretty cool, but he never really cared about him (harsh, but canon tony is pretty reserved so yuh) so, when he goes into the hospital room to talk with him, hes mentally preparing to never see peter again

--but, when he walks in, he sees peter sat on a cot carefully coloring in an avengers coloring book, and his entire aura is different and /adorable/

--as if he wasnt already kinda done for, when peter notices he's there, he looks up, eyes blown wide and a kid-like face on full of awe

--he sits on the end of the bed and they simply stare at each other before peter finally gets the courage to ask why tony is there, stuttering through it like an adorable mess

--tony freaks out, because as good as peter is, he planned on letting peter down, but now that hes here, all he wants is to see the boy.

--instead he smooths his nervousness and easily asks about how the boy is doing. he asks if peter has a CG, and predicably, peter just sadly shakes his head

--anyways i dont really know how this part would be worded, and it probably wouldnt happen in just one day, but eventually tony asks peter if he wants tony to take care of him

--peter is a cutie and accepts, again dont really have this part planned out, im akward when it comes to writing about the adopting of a little

--he goes with tony and since he lives in the tower, he also gets the avengers as glorified CGs. now this is the part i LOVE

***added part by Rafni:

"I’d imagine that Peter would just be kept in the hospital, like he doesn’t need any meds nor saline so he doesn’t even have a drip nor is he hooked up to any monitors. He is just there in the hospital pyjamas colouring and waiting for someone to take care of him🥺👀"

And since there’s no medical concerns (anymore) the nurses would have more time to just chat with Peter and make sure he is like mentally taken care of 🌸🌸

---

tony stark- he's obviously the main man and does all the main caring. hes the one who sleeps with peter and makes sure he gets food, and plans the days. he also sometimes will hand make little gadgets (safe ofc) to occupy peter. he gets peter little engineering/inventing kits and will hold back any groans he has as peter hits his leg with a plastic hammer and screwdriver. he also is the one who is ALWAYS there, when he cries, when he's happy, when he's sad.

thor- he lets peter play with his hair, and even lets the boy snuggle, and sometimes even chew on, mjolnir (because of course peter would be worthy)

steve rogers- he lets peter look at and hold the shield. one day he finds the boy curled like a cat dosing on the inside of it

natasha- she speaks in russian to him, and when he goes outside to the park, shes there making sure no one disturbs him

wanda+sam (i had an idea for them when i originally thought of this, but i cant remember it now :/)

bucky- he lets peter also mess with his hair, although more rare than thor, but he does let peter suck on his metal fingers when hes really small, and will scratch peters scalp with it, the metal scratching much better than normal skin. also if he ever gets a fever, the cold of the arm feels amazing on his forehead

bruce- not strictly canon since hes more sciency than doctor, but i imagine bruce is the one who does checkups and takes care of the meds when peter is sick

stephen- he doesnt do it often, plus he's not at the tower much, but hell do little harmless "magic" tricks to excite Peter and when peter gets grumpy, stephen will give him a little stress spell thing to calm peter down

peter quill- i imagine hes the one who is down to do lots of fun stuff, but is also the most reckless towards the actions suited towards littles, getting a lot of scolding from tony. also, he has great taste in music, so when peter has bursts of energy, he'll bounce around the room dancing to old 80s music

rocket- hes the closest peters ever gonna get to a pet, and with lots of bribing from tony, rocket /occasionally/ lets peter pet him and feed him "treats", sometimes peter will ask rocket to do a trick like jump or spin, but rocket with always decline...at first. peters trademark pouts do the trick because either rocket will concede and hurt his pride, or tony will see and threaten rocket into making his little boy happy. its always worth it to see the happy little squirms and claps

gamora- she's the resident story teller. when its bedtime, she'll share her cool space stories, leaving out the gory/scarier aspects. it always does the trick as hes out in minutes. sometimes hell catch her and peter q engaging in loving activities (ie kissing, hugging, whatever), and he'll just giggle away, and as embarrassed as gamora gets, not being an openly affectionate person, she might just go to the extreme to hear the cute giggles out of the little boy

clint- hes pretty chill with peter. he also likes to play games with the boy, playing things like peek-a-boo when he's super small, or playing darts when he feels older. tony isnt /too/ happy about it, but its better than quill so he doesnt say anything.

pepper is there too because i love the idea of tony working away somewhere and pepper calling peter in, handing him a few sheets of paper, sometimes actual documents, sometimes just scratch paper to entertaim the boy, before asking peter to deliver them to tony. she always has a smile when peter eagerly nods with his whole body before running to the office to give tony the papers. it almost always ends with peter in his lap, but it /always/ ends in tony praising him, saying something along the lines of 'theres my little helper boy. look at you'

---

--on any particular day peter wakes up aged up, he doesn't even miss his old internship because this life is so much better, although on these days tony actually lets him help with some safer stuff in the lab with him

--also, they are still the avengers and still have to save the universe. tony leaves him in the care of Happy or Pepper, trusting them both to handle him. sometimes, it ends in disaster. sometimes, they are lucky enough to find happy laying on the couch, with a drooling little boy soaking his suit

--no matter how things end up, it never gets old being able to come home and cuddle up with the reason tony wants to save the universe.

--its no surprise peter is able to help the man just as much as tony helps him. tony stops locking himself up so late at night so he can put peter to bed and cuddle up. he stops drinking when he's stressed, instead finding his boy and reading a story to him. his hookups end, he wants to be there for peter all the time. he gets more work done, the added bonus of having a pretty little boy in his lap helping keep his mind on track.

--tony still has his canon issues, but having peter there makes everything a little more manageable. and when he eventually gets too old to be ironman, its okay, because his universe is lying in bed, a red pacifier in his mouth, and a family of superheroes softly arguing about who the boy loves most

--and despite tony being a narcissist, he knows this is not that, when he thinks that without a doubt he is peters favorite. after all, peter helped him see the good inside the bad

---

so uh yeah thats all i had to say. maybe in the future it will become an actual thing, idk. i still have so many projects im working on first. feel free to add whatever you want to it though !!

Survey #498

“i wrote the gospel on giving up”

What do the home phone numbers start with in your area? 2. Would you come to Australia if you had the opportunity? If I could meet my friend Shay, yes. Otherwise, it honestly scares me. Too much dangerous shit. You want a career, or happy with just a job? I'm never going to be happy without being at least on the path towards a career. I do not want "just a job." Do you think anyone on the outside of a situation has the right to judge? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. It really depends. Do you wax your eyebrows? Not anymore. If I wanted to buy you a chocolate bar, what kind should I NOT get? Nothing with nuts. What was the last song you heard, that made you feel emotional? "The Unforgiven II" by Metallica, I think. When was the last time you took a selfie? It's been months. Has anyone ever walked out of your life with no explanation? Yes, my former best friend Hannia. Do you know anyone else with the same first name as you? Yes, but it's spelled differently. Name an alcoholic beverage that you dislike. Wine. Can you recall the last time you were on a dance floor? Hell, probably not since prom. The video game I've played the most is... If computer games count, Worl of Warcraft. It has a mechanic where you can type /played, and it will show you just how long you've done so overall. IIII will ont tell you my time, lmao. If we're talking truly video games, that would be Shadow of the Colossus. It's a short game that is just so chill and comforting to me, so it's easy to play. Which do you prefer for exercising, gym or outdoors? Gym. A friend I have the most fun with is... Sara. What's scarier, clowns or spiders? I have zero fear of clowns, so that only leaves spiers. Are you listening to anything right now? "NIHIL" by 3TEETH. Is there a quote you live by? Not really. Are you popular on any sites (ie. youtube, xanga, etc.)? No. Ever dreamt of someone you know in your life (but not in a personal level)? Yep. When is the next time you need to go to the doctor’s/dentist’s? I have a follow-up appointment in January with my primary physician because we're keeping tabs on my weight progress. I go every 2-3 months. Has anyone ever rejected a friend request from you on FB? That, or they just stopped coming online. How did that feel? I wasn't surprised. This was years after I grew out of being a homophobic piece of trash, and she unfriended me because of that disgusting belief. When I actually grew up, I came to really miss her and reached out, but she never replied. What are some sites you visit daily? Without fail: YouTube, KM, dA, and Wowhead just for my daily visit points, lol. When/where did you meet your first love? The hallway of my high school, sophomore year. Who was the last person to cry in front of you? Mom. Do you know why they were crying? Saying the Thanksgiving prayer reminded her of the Thanksgiving before when she visited family in New York and her mom was alive, but very sick. If you’ve had a bad day, who is most likely to cheer you up? Girt. Are you living with anyone that isn’t related to you? No. How many people would you say you’ve been “in love” with? Two. Girt's getting there. Which one of your relatives are you most likely to argue/disagree with? I'm not sure; honestly, my beliefs contrast a lot of my family's. Have your parents met the person you’re currently interested in? Yes. We've hung out together since high school. Who was your first major crush? "Major," Sebastian. I met him my freshman year of HS in Art class. Do you still talk to that person? He's on my Facebook, but no. Were you well-behaved as a child? Yes. What is/was your worst subject in school? Math. Is that because you’re not good at it, or because it doesn’t interest you? Both. Are you embarrassed to talk to your parents about sex? I would NEVER talk about it with my dad, and I don't even want to at all with my mom. Or anyone. Do you call anyone baby? No. I'll call my boyfriend "babe" sometimes, but "baby" just feels weird to me. Do you have to sleep with a television on? No; I don't even have one in my room. I don't like sleeping with one on. Think back to the last person you kissed, how many times have you cried in front of them? I actually think only once, and even then, I wasn't like, sobbing. He visited me in the hospital after my OD and I was just so... done with everything that I could barely cry, even if I wanted to. It was very light. What do you want right this second? To not be so goddamn exhausted. If you were offered to smoke some weed right now would you accept? No; I don't smoke. Do you like it when people call you babe? I actually don't mind it anymore? I mean, so long as it's my s/o. I don't want random people calling me that. Are you afraid of roller coasters? YES. Who was the last person you fell asleep with? Sara. Girt and I haven't shared a bed yet, but I've nearly fallen asleep on him on the couch, but I don't let myself. My sleep apnea makes me nervous. Have you ever fallen asleep in school? Not in class, no. In college, in-between classes, I sometimes would briefly and lightly. Are you taller than most people your age? No. If you caught your significant other cheating on you what would you do? Leave them immediately. No chance for an excuse, no "sorry"s, no nothing. My mind isn't being changed. What kind of car does your most recent ex drive? She doesn't have her own car. Have you ever dated someone you met online? Yep. Do you know anyone who has multiple personality disorder? Not knowingly. Are you more comfortable with men or women? Women. Men naturally scare me. Last person to call you beautiful to your face? Girt. Can you count to 20 in another language? Almost. I can't for the life of me remember what "12" is in German. Do you know anyone with a missing toe or finger? No. Where’s the last place you took a bus to? Jason's house all the way back in high school. We would ride home together a lot. Do you like peanuts? Not plain. Who was the last person you hugged? Girt. Which store would you go to, to buy a pair of jeans? Realistically, Wal-Mart, but I don't wear jeans. Pop bottles or pop cans? Cans. They keep the drink colder. Have you ever known someone online and then met them in person? If so, which website did you meet on? Yes; YouTube. Do you have a calendar in your room? I have outdated meerkat ones for decor. What color is your wallet? Red, white, and black. It's a Harley Quinn design. Don’t you hate it when people suddenly love a celebrity when they die? This is an awful question. Death is sad, and nobody likes to see a public figure that was loved by many pass on. Who was the last male you talked to? Does he have facial hair? Girt. He has a very little bit on his chin sometimes. Have you ever dressed up as a Disney character? Which one? Maybe at some point as a child for Halloween, but I don't think so. Have you ever played chess? If so, are you good at it? Well, yes, but I had NO fucking clue what I was doing. Girt likes chess quite a bit, and we played it once on an app on his phone. He tried explaining everything, but absolutely none of it made sense to me. In one ear, out the other. It is so hard for information to stick these days. Why did you last feel like crying? I did cry some yesterday. I was having a really, really hard time with my self-worth regarding Girt. I didn't - and still don't, really - feel like I deserve/am good enough for him with me just going nowhere and doing nothing while he's the opposite. I was starting to question again if I was better off single until I get my shit together, even though I love him, just because I didn't want to hurt us both in the end. He really helped me feel better though, as he always does. Talking to him helped a lot, and I'm very thankful we got to hang out yesterday, too. It reminded me that even though I have work to do, having him as a cheerleader and more for me is ultimately helping me. Does the sight of blood make you feel sick? Nah. Do your initials spell a legitimate word? If so, what? No. Do you like Kings of Leon? No. I hate his voice. If someone admitted cheating in a past relationship of theirs, would you trust them? Not as a romantic partner, no. Did you ever want to be a cook as a kid? No. How about a fashion designer? No. Do you wish that magic was real? Some sorts, sure. Others could be destructive in the wrong hands, though. Do you own a cheese grater? Uhhhh I think? Do you prefer sitting in the front or back of a car? Front, if I can control the music. Are you offended easily by non-politically correct language? No, unless the term is truly derogatory. Do you feel hungry, thirsty, sleepy or none of the above? I am ridiculously tired because I stayed up all night two nights ago and then barely got ANY sleep last night. I am the polar opposite of hungry and/or thirsty; I drank too much liquid in too short a period of time, plus the two pizza slices I had for dinner were too large, so I am incredibly bloated and uncomfortable. Have you ever taken a martial art? Which one{s}? No. Do you know anyone who is scared of you? No. Do you like watermelon? No, it's just too watery. Like, I'll eat it, but I won't love it. However, watermelon-FLAVORED stuff is one of my favorites. Can you remember the month of your first kiss? Yes: March. What do you think is the most interesting thing about you? Uhhhhh. I don't really know. What was your favourite cartoon as a child? Pokemon. What was your biggest fear as a child? My mom dying. Which stereotype do you dislike the most? Those that are offensive to certain groups of people, like races, sexualities, genders, etc. Can you remember all your past teachers names? No. What’s your favourite thing about your country? Our amount of freedom. What’s your least favourite thing about your country? In my opinion, we're probably the most arrogant country. What TV show scared you as a kid? Courage the Cowardly Dog was capable of that sometimes.

torment / chapter 1

First chapter for torment! Basically setting up Lyla’s character and background, and how she ended up at the Academy. The juicy stuff is coming soon hehe 

As long as I can remember, as a kid, I felt like I didn't belong. I didn't fit in, and always felt just slightly out of place. Like, don't get me wrong, I could probably have led a normal, relatively happy life outside of the coven. But I would never have found my place.

One of my earliest memories is levitating during recess in third grade.

I was playing hide and seek with my best friends – but everyone is your best friend at that age, or so I thought. It was one of those moments...when you're hiding in a dark corner of the playground, breathing hard from the adrenaline coursing through your tiny body at the thought of being found, smelling bark and sweat and salami sandwiches, where time and space doesn't exist. You're so focused on hiding, on making yourself invisible and winning the game, that you forget who and where you are. I forgot. And I paid the price.

When I finally opened my eyes, I wasn't in a dark corner of the playground. I was floating seven feet in the air, and below me were the horrified expressions of my friends and teachers. Frozen in time. That moment is frozen in my memory forever. It was the first time that I realised I wasn't just weird, but special. There were powers inside me that other people, and even myself, didn't understand yet.

My teachers, missing a handbook on protocol for dealing with young witches coming into their powers, did the only thing they knew to do - sent me to the office. The other kids were still shaking like leaves, hiding behind our teachers' legs like toddlers.

My mother picked me up an hour later. I ignored the concerned glares of the office ladies. Mom and I got McDonald's, like we always did when I had a doctor's appointment or a day off. At the time, it felt completely natural. I thought she just 'got it', like floating in mid-air was a regular Tuesday occurrence. In hindsight, I remember her staring at me with a mix of fear and awe through the rear-view mirror. She was shitting herself, and didn't know what to do next.

She sent me back to school the next day, which was the worst possible option.

The other kids had grown braver and meaner overnight. I was their new favourite toy and punching bag. They called me a witch, and I took it as an insult. (If only I knew!) They called me evil, ugly, dirty. They said I'd grow fat moles and that my skin would turn green. They told me to stay away from them. So I did.

Within a month, I didn't have a single friend. They were repulsed and terrified of me, but loved to poke fun from a distance. All I wanted to do was play handball or tag.

"Lyla. Enough is enough." Mom said one night over dinner.

I was playing with the food on my plate, but not with a fork. I made them spin and dance, like a potato and broccoli ballet. My face fell, and so did my dinner, collapsing sadly onto the ceramic. Gravy splattered onto my thumb.

I apologised. I learned to push my powers deep down inside of me. Whenever I felt like they'd spill out, I pinched the skin near my knee. It kept me grounded and in control.

In tenth grade, I pinched myself so hard I bruised. It still wasn't enough.

I'd kept to myself and stayed out of everybody's way, from my mother to my teachers. I was the quiet polite girl who sat in the back of class and got her homework in on time. I minded my own fucking business. That was, until Mrs Brooks called me a freak in front of our entire geography class.

Mrs Brooks ended up with a broken arm and I ended up in the principal's office. I hadn't actually touched her at all, and I guess that was what scared my teachers. I hadn't been called into an office since third grade. Mom was already there, sitting in one of the black fold-out chairs, with her keys in her hand and glassy eyes. She held a few sheets of paper in her hands. Signing me out, surely. We'd be at the drive-thru in twenty minutes.

Mr Petersen, our grey-haired principal with a passion for 'fun' ties, sat beside my mother, with his hands neatly in his lap. He had been whispering softly to Mom, but stopped as soon as I approached. He looked at me with sad, brown eyes.

His tie had dinosaurs on it. It feels stupid that that is the one thing I remember so clearly.

"Hi," I said quietly from the doorway. I scrunched the hem of my tee-shirt up in my hand.

The disappointment was palpable. Mom ignored me completely, like looking up at me would make it all so much worse. She stared at my converse, or the carpet, or the fish tank humming gently by the door. Anything but me. Her leg bounced up and down, like she'd had too many coffees that morning. But it was two in the afternoon and her nerves had nothing to do with caffeine.

Two men in suits approached the office. For a moment the sinking feeling in my stomach froze me in place, blocking the door. Shaking off the feeling, I stepped aside to let the men in. Their suits were far too nice for a small town like ours. I'd assumed they were here for some important government business with the principal.

They smiled softly and shook their heads, almost in sync.

"Mom? What's going on?" I asked. Panic was bubbling in my throat like bile.

The realisation came as one single, simple thought: They're here for me.

Their hands were tight around my upper arms and wrists like shackles. They barely struggled.

"Mom! Mr Petersen! Mr - what's going - where are they taking me? Mom!" I kicked and screamed until my throat was hoarse. After a while, I went numb. Wherever these men were taking me, I was helpless. They were so much bigger, taller, older, scarier, than fifteen-year-old me. A small part of me, deep, deep inside, thought, wherever they're taking me, it has to be better than here.

---

"Happy birthday Lyla!" Zoe yelled, tackling me into a hug in the middle of the kitchen.

"Keep your voice down," I laughed. It was barely seven in the morning.

I loved the way the light streamed in through the kitchen windows here. Making my morning cup of tea was my favourite part of my day. Or at least one of them.

There were a lot of favourite parts now.

"I will not. It's not every day you turn eighteen." She said as she stirred a bowl of pancake batter.

I smiled softly, pouring the milk into my mug. Watching the white-brown patterns swirl, I couldn't help but laugh.

"What?" Zoe smiled.

"I'm just really glad to be here. I didn't think I'd make it to eighteen a few years ago." I surprised myself with my candour so early in the morning.

"Well, I'm very glad to have you here. We all are." Zoe's warmth brightened the entire room. I believed her.

"Morning girls. Happy birthday, Lyla." Cordelia descended the stairs with her usual poise, already dressed and made up. Her smile faded after quick greetings were exchanged.

"I need you to wake the other girls and get dressed. We have visitors coming."

---

A/N: Hey! I've started this fic as I fun exercise to get myself to start writing again. I finally watched season 8 of AHS so now I'm obsessed, and I haven't really written anything substantial in like a year, so I figured I'd use this passion/interest and make something of it!

God, I've missed fanfic writing. (I wrote The 1975 fics on Wattpad when I was like 13/14 and they're pretty tragic but they were so fun...so I'm back!) I just wanted to say that while this is based in America, I'm not super familiar with American schooling systems (and I'm sure there are other things I'll slip up on)...so things might be just slightly out of whack for you guys. I'm Australian, so I'm going to base the ages/grades off our system and assume the system in the US can't be that drastically different (e.g. in grade ten I was fifteen). A lot of this fic won't be based on formal schooling systems anyway but I thought it was worth a mention. Just go with it lmao. Super keen to keep writing! x

Taglist: (tiniest ever, let me know if you want to be added!) 

@angelicmichael @theneverendinghunger​ @outpostmichael​