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#lon is totally basilios son shhh
hiddentrails7 · 1 year
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Kidnapper: We have one of your men, pay us and you will get him back.
Frederick: Which one?
Kidnapper, while Inigo is staring at him intensely: T-the fashionable one.
Frederick: He made you say that, right?
Kidnapper, on the verge of crying: Just come and take him back. Please.
-
Brady: Love is dumb.
Brady, glancing at Owain as they punch a hole in a wall: And I'm the dumbest bitch alive.
-
Olivia: This is a mistake.
Henry, enthusiastically: A mistake we're going to laugh about one day!
Olivia: But not today.
Henry, still enthusiastic: Oh no, today is going to be hell!
-
Cherche: But what about Henry?
Ricken: Don't worry about him.
Ricken: I once watched him fall down 5 flights of stairs, stand up, and keep eating his hotdog like nothing happened.
-
Donnel: So, how did the date with Lon'qu go?
Stahl: I tried complimenting him, but couldn't decide on whether to say "you have an amazing smile" or "you have nice eyes." Then he smiled a little and I panicked and said, "You have eyes."
-
Ricken: I’m kind of crushing on someone... but I’m worried about telling you who it is cause you’re not going to like it...
Vaike: Just rip the bandage off, shortie.
Ricken: It’s Henry.
Vaike: Put the bandage back on.
-
Kidnapper: We have a troop of yours.
Frederick: Which one.
Kidnapper: The loud, annoying one who never shuts up
Frederick: Which one.
-
Stahl: I’ve never smoked marijuana.
Stahl: I ate a brownie once at a party.
Stahl: It was intense. It was kind of indescribable. I felt like I was floating.
Stahl: Turns out there was no pot in the brownie. It was just an insanely good brownie.
-
Chrom @ Robin: I'm not gay but DAMN
Lissa: You don't have to be gay to appreciate a good looking guy
Chrom: Nah I'd fuck him
Lissa: Oh okay shit
-
Robin: What did you two do.
Vaike:
Owain:
Robin: You're not in trouble. I just need to know if I need to lie to Lissa again or not.
-
Donnel: You know what they say: if you can't beat them, curl up in a ball and protect your organs.
Stahl: ...Nobody says that.
-
Sully: Being gay is a constant battle between "I wish to sit on a window bench with my lover, our legs tangling as we listen to the birds" and "Hey, let's go throw rocks at fascists" and I think that's very sexy of us.
Say'ri: If the window's open and you time it right, you can do both.
-
Chrom: Who traumatized you?
Robin: Do you you want a list?
Chrom, with Falchion out: Ya actually
-
Basilio: I'm gonna prank him by calling him Lon'qu.
Olivia: I don't understand. That's his name..?
Lon'qu: *Walks around the corner*
Basilio: Hey Lon'qu
Lon'qu:
Basilio: Lon'qu?
Lon'qu: Are you mad at me?
Basilio: Oh no, I'm sorry Lon. Come here son.
Olivia: Oh, I see
-
Sully: Based on genital structure, men should really be the ones wearing skirts and women should be wearing pants.
Stahl: The Scots were right all along
Kellam: The Scots did it to hide more knives on their bodies
Gaius: The Scots were right all along.
-
Sumia: How do you feel about children?
Sully: Uh, they’re okay, I guess. I mean, if I saw one on the street I wouldn’t throw a rock at them. 
Sumia: Why would you throw a rock at a child. 
Sully: I just said I wouldn’t.
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hiddentrails7 · 1 year
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Robin: I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine.
Chrom: But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again.
Robin: O-oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns??
Chrom: Is it working?
.
Inigo, out of nowhere: I scare people a lot because I walk very softly and they don't hear me enter rooms. So when they turn around, I'm just kind of there and their fear fuels me.
Brady, sleep-deprived and very shocked out of his brains: WhEreE dId YoU cOmE fRoM?!?!
Owain whipping his sword out: Who dareth creepeth up on me?
.
Ricken: I love murder mysteries!
Henry, trying to impress him: I've been a suspect in four murder cases.
.
Basilio: I don't think we can mansplain, manipulate or malewife our way outta this one, Lon.
Lon'qu: *Lets out a deep sigh*
Lon'qu: Manslaughter it is.
.
Henry: It's pretty cold outside.. wanna hold hands? We should stay close.
Ricken, blushing: O-Okay. Sure.
Sully: WE'RE IN THE DESERT-!
.
Stahl: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?
Sully: Several traffic violations.
Robin: Three counts of resisting arrest.
Donnel: Roughly thirteen cups o' coffee.
Lon'qu: Also, that’s not our cart.
.
Lucina: You often use humor to deflect trauma
Owain: Thank you
Lucina: I didn't say that was a good thing.
Owain: What I'm hearing is, you think I'm funny
.
Chrom: This is a list of possible places Robin could’ve disappeared to.
Frederick:
Frederick: Milord, is a map of the entire region.
Chrom, on the brink of tears: I have no clue where he could've disappeared to.
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hiddentrails7 · 1 year
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Henry: Hey do you wanna know a secret?
Frederick: No
Henry: Okay
Frederick:
Frederick: Do you smell smoke?
Henry: The secret is that your tent is on fire!
.
Robin: We've got to find a way to cut down our expenses. What can we live without?
Chrom: Tharja, probably.
.
Inigo: Okay, truth or dare?
Laurent: Truth
Inigo: How many hours have you slept this week?
Laurent: ...Dare.
Inigo: Go to bed.
Laurent: I don’t approve of this game.
.
Basilio: Here’s a fun Christmas idea: we’ll hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to fight whoever else is under it.
Lon'qu: ...Mistlefoe.
Basilio: Somebody's halls are getting DECKED!
.
Owain: I've decided that I'm a snack. People are just not hungry.
Brady, under his breath: I'm f*cking hungry.
Owain: What?
Brady: Nothing, shut up.
.
Chrom: Toss me the emblem.
[Christmas tree crashes next to Chrom]
Chrom: I said the EMBLEM!
Lissa: I thought you said Christmas tree!
Chrom: Why the fuck would I say Christmas tree?!
(Gonna try and post smaller, more frequent quotes)
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hiddentrails7 · 3 years
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A few more gay-wakening quotes + a few ikesoren quotes for you raccoons (Ily u guys thank u for the support-)
Lon'qu: Hey dad- wait- I mean-
Basilio: No, no, no.
Basilio: No take backs.
Maribelle: Brady’s anger management classes are a fucking scam, mf told him to hit Owain with a brick yesterday! 
Frederick: It’s called Reverse Psychology, Maribelle…
Maribelle: Reverse? Bitch this isn’t UNO!
Ricken: Can we please stay in your tent?
Robin: Why?
Ricken: We played with a Ouija board and cursed mine....
Ricken: And Henry isn’t much help. He doesn’t know how to banish spirits so he just throws salt at them and yells “does this look like a hotel to you?!”
Vaike: Beauty and the Beast, but reversed. I kiss the girl and she turns into a monster and it’s awesome
Sully: Shrek.
Vaike:
Vaike: This post is canceled
Sumia: Coward
Lissa, pretending a hairbrush is a microphone: And now for a gay update with Henry. How's it going?
Henry, starring at Ricken: Getting gayer.
Lissa: Thank you, Henry.
Donnel: Do you ever feel bugs on you when there aren't any?
Sully: Those are the ghosts of all the bugs you've killed.
Donnel:
Stahl: Look what you did, you scared him!
Robin: You're the love of my life and my best friend, I would do anything for you.
Chron: I want you to eat three meals a day and have a healthy sleep schedule.
Robin: Absolutely not.
Brady: Ok guys shut up *Answers phone* Hey, mom.
Owain: miSsEs MaRiBeLlE tEll yOuR sOn tO coMe bAcK tO bEd
Inigo: *Sex noises*
Owain: BABE, WE CANT HAVE A THREESOME WITHOUT YOU!
Cynthia: Tell her i say hiii!!!
Severa: pAss the wEeEEeEeeEeEeeeE-
Ike, peaking under the bed: Soren, are you ready to come out and interact with people?
Soren: *Demonic screeching*
Ike: Understandable, have a good day
Stahl: Why is there blood everywhere!??
Lon'qu: I may have aggressivelly poked someone with my blade.
Stahl: yoU STABBED SOMEONE!?!?
Lon'qu: No no, aggressively poked them with my blade..
Robin: Chrom. Is that your hand on my ass?
Chrom: Oops. My bad. It was an accident.
Robin: Your hand is still on my ass.
Chrom: Still an accident.
Doctor: Mr? Your boyfriend's awake.
Ike: Really? How is he? Has he said anything-
Doctor: Yes, he said "Tell the priest to fuck off, I'm not dead yet."
Soren, hoarse: I lost my voice. 
Ike: Well, that’s good. that means you can’t insult kings yell at me anymore!
*The next day*
Ike: So apparently, Soren's scarier when he’s quiet.
Ike: *Being Ike*
Soren: You better shut the fuck up before I look at you one day, feel warm and realize I've fallen in love with you.
Ike: Wait wh-
Soren: I'm serious, quit it! FUCK!
Ricken: Olivia, can I talk to you for a second?
Olivia: Yeah, what’s up-? Lemme guess. You have a crush on Henry and you want me to teach you how to kiss?
Ricken: What? No, stop that. I know how to kiss. I’ve read books.
Ricken: What time is it?
Henry: I don’t know; pass me that saxophone and we’ll find out
Henry: *Plays sax loudly and extremely out of tune*
Lon'qu: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE SAXOPHONE AT TWO IN THE MORNING
Henry: It’s 2 am
Some dude: We have your son.
Basilio: I don't have a so-
Basilio: Oh wait. You have Lon'qu. Lmao good luck with that.
Five minutes later: PLEASE TAKE HIM BACK-
` I'm bed, bath and beyond disappointed in you. ` Gaius, after Laurent pulled another all-nighter
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hiddentrails7 · 3 years
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Chrom: Alright, we’re done decorating the Christmas tree. Stahl, would you mind putting the angel on top?
Stahl: Oh, sure *Throws Donnel on top of the tree*
Henry: Here’s a fun Christmas idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it.
Robin: Henry, no.
Lon'qu: Mistle-FOE.
Robin: Please don’t encourage him.
Chrom: You know what they say, you have to kiss under the mistletoe.
Robin:
Robin: Chrom, that's a lettuce leaf.
Basilio, dressed as santa claus: Alright children, time for a vibe check!
Basilio: Your vibes are absolutely DISGUSTING kid. *Goes to yeet the child, Flavia and Olivia running to stop him*
Robin: Chrom, can you hang the lights?
Chrom: Why?
Robin: You know why!
Chrom: Yes, but I want to hear you say it.
Robin:
Chrom:
Robin, glaring: I’m too short.
Ricken: I hate you with every inch of my body.
Gangrel: Well, that's not a lot of inches.
Stahl: You believe me?
Lon'qu: Stahl, you're one of the few good people on this planet. I'd believe cartoon birds helped you get ready this morning.
Frederick: Quick, Robin ’s coming, everyone pretend that you’re gardening. Chrom, grab that little hoe
Chrom: *Picks up Tharja*
Gaius: So, I'm going to grab a healthy breakfast.
Frederick: Are those gummy bears wrapped in a fruit roll-up?
Gaius: Breakfast burrito, but yeah.
Frederick: I pity your dentist.
Gaius: Joke's on you, I don't have a dentist.
Robin: I panic when people compliment me.
Robin: I never know what to say.
Frederick: Great job at practice today Robin!
Robin, panicking: MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Inigo: What’s that story where they bring the monster to life and then have to destroy it?
Brady: Frankenstein?
Owain: Frosty the Snowman.
Owain: Now it’s time for some witty back-and-forth banter! You go first!
Brady: *Enraged screaming*
Owain: Okay, look, I’m not sure where to go with that.
Gaius: *Walks in the living room* hey guys, watcha watching?
Libra: Cake boss
Gaius: THERE’S A BOSS OF CAKE!?!? *Grabs a Brave sword and starts to leave*
Libra: Where you going?
Gaius: Gotta de-throne a motherfucker.
Robin: What are you, 5?!
Vaike: Yeah, 5 heads taller then you.
Robin:
Vaike:
Vaike: Please don't kill me.
Henry: *Covers Ricken's eyes from behind*
Henry: Guess who!
Henry: He’s sweet, adorable, and he’s gonna get really mad if you get it wrong.
Chrom: *Carries all of the groceries in his arms*
Robin: *Reaches out to grab a couple of groceries*
Chrom: *Switches all of the groceries to one arm to hold Robin's hand*
Robin: That’s not what I...okay.
Henry: I'M SCARED OF ELEVATORS
Henry: Buuuttt I don't wanna walk 4 floors down.
Henry: I'm gonna jump lmao
Henry: P A R K O U R
Ricken: NO WTF-
Cherche: I don't know where everyone ended up last night, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Gerome: Alive.
Cherche: And not in jail?
Gerome: *Read 7:21am*
Cherche: GEROME-
Inigo: He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice!
Henry: He’s gonna find out who’s on thin fucking ice!
Both, in unison: 🎶Santa Claus is calling you outtt!🎶
Owain: Who decided to call it 'emotional baggage' and not 'griefcase'?
Morgan: He's onto something.
Brady: *Deep sigh*
Laurent: My body is betraying me.
Gerome: No, you're exhausted.
Gerome: That happens to people when they keep throwing themselves into danger and refuse to sleep.
Laurent: Well, I highly dislike it.
Gerome: You just need to rest. Close your eyes and--
*Laurent closes his eyes*
Lucina, who just came in: Oh my god. Is he dead?
Frederick: Can I see you? Now.
Gaius, slipping on a camo jacket: You can try.
Gaius: Welcome to the Shepards! Please leave your sanity and common sense at the door.
Laurent: Won’t I need those?
Gaius: Not anymore.
Stahl, skipping stones with Lon'qu: Wow, it's such a beautiful evening.
Lon'qu, under his breath: Take that you fucking lake.
Flavia, answering her phone: Lon'qu? I’m on my way back-
Lon'qu: Aliens are attacking the house.
Flavia: What-
Lon'qu: Oh good, Basilio found the chainsaw, nevermind.
Flavia: WAIT, LON'QU, DON’T HANG UP.
Chrom: This time, we fight Grima using our superpowers.
Chrom: Our two brain cells.
Chrom: Robin. Frederick. It's your time to shine.
Donnel: Be careful marchin' today. It's ass-eating season
Stahl:
Stahl: Donny, do you know what "ass-eating season" means?
Donnel: Yeah, there's ice and snow, so it's all slippery out there. You could fall and eat ass.
Stahl: Who taught you that?
Donnel: Henry..?
Gaius, calling Miriel:
Miriel: Hello?
Gaius: I love you.
Miriel: What did you do.
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hiddentrails7 · 3 years
Text
Ah shit, sorry for disappearing.
Frederick: Say no to drugs.
Henry: Say yes to drugs.
Lon'qu: It doesn’t matter what you say to drugs.
Lon'qu: Because if you're talking to drugs, you’re taking drugs.
Nowi: You don’t think I can fight because I’m a girl.
Gangrel: I don’t think you can fight because your in a wedding dress. For what its worth, I don’t think Gregor  can fight in a dress either.
Gregor: Perhaps not. But Gregor would make a radiant bride.
Virion: Did it hurt?
Sully, sighing: When I fell from heaven-
Virion: When you feel from the vending machine.
Sully: 
Virion: ‘Cause your a snack
(cuts to her kicking him in the face-)
`` I hate it when people ask me; “ Whats the stupidest thing you’ve ever done? “ Like. Awfully bold of you to assume i’ve reached peak dumbass. `` Chrom, probably-
Lissa: Lon'qu I can't sleep.. There's something in the woods
Lon'qu, handing her a sword: This should do the trick then.
Lon'qu: Hey dad
Robin, following him inside: Hello
Stahl, also following: Whats up
Basilio: Hello adopted son and his two friends who never seem to hang out at their own homes
Chrom: There's only one thing worse than dying
Chrom: *Rips off paper to reveal "Robin dying"* Boom.
Robin: Me.
Chrom: NO!
Robin: We're throwing a surprise party for Validar.
Lucina: You hate Validar-
Robin, filling the balloons with bees: Yes.
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