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01zfan · 2 months

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don’t waste it pt. 2 | l. sh

idol!sohee x idol!reader | 8.6k words

continuation from part one here! hope u guys enjoy hehe.

contains: semi public, love confessions, oral (f. receiving), pda, making out

“sohee…fuck…you gotta leave.”

you and sohee both knew it was time to go. if you had half a mind you would’ve looked above the door frame to see the time. every minute that ticked by was a minute closer to when sohee was supposed to be onstage. he had an award to present in fifteen minutes and you had to be in your seat in ten. you imagined your members looking around the seating area for you, too shy to ask staff if they’ve seen you around. they were good idols but they were unbelievably meek like most girls your age were. they didn’t have to be bold—that was your job as the leader. you had responsibilities but instead you were leaning against a table while your friend ate you out.

using the word friend seemed to extremely undermine what sohee was to you. the lack of contact over the years of training and promoting made the title friend seem presumptuous. but the complexity and shared history was too much to describe him as a stranger. to call sohee anything with benefit attached was also a stretch, because it didn’t seem to benefit anyone to have you two ran around like classless z-listers while your managers searched high and low for you.

“you’re gonna be late.” you whispered.

sohee couldn’t be bothered, busy laving his tongue with you like he had all the time in the world. it’s not like he could’ve moved if he wanted to, your heels digging in his back kept him in place. he only hummed and lifted your ass, making you fully sit on the table to give him more access to blow cold air on your core. you shivered from the sensation, fighting everything in you not grab his hair. you had to respect the meticulously placed pins that kept his locks in place. if you messed it up he wouldn’t have enough time to fix it. you refused to have sohee looking like a fool on national television.

sohee’s hands on the top of your thighs had to apply force to separate them so he could raise his head. sohee looked up at you from your heat, the bottom of his face glossy.

“let me go and i’ll go.” sohee said simply.

sohee’s personality had changed from the last time you saw him. he was more confident in himself, nothing like the shy boy you had trained with. you don’t know what made him this way, maybe being in a successful boy group and constantly being praised for his vocal ability had that effect on him.

you’re sure you had your own personality change, something that came with being the leader and unofficial face of the group. you were the first one announced, your long awaited debut and depart from a renowned company to a smaller one became the talk of the town. you had articles and blog posts dropping about you daily, ranging from praise for not giving up on your dreams to skeptics debating your skills.

being virtually a nobody to a trending topic wasn’t the only turn your life had taken. you went from seeing everyone as competition to being responsible of six girls and occasionally writing songs for them. you were lucky it paid off well, a song you had written about wasting something precious did exceptionally well. it was an overnight success, becoming popular domestically and abroad. many people related it to someone in their life that they loved—but that was neither here nor there. when asked about it on variety shows you were able to relate the song to giving up fried foods.

it was that song that led you here in the first place. because of one single your group was a top contender for multiple awards that night. you remember feeling joy for your group, your girls were finally going to get the recognition they deserved. the joy and butterflies you felt died and rested like a stone in your stomach when you saw that sohee was the hosts for the show. the corpses of the butterflies turned to maggots the closer the award show got and you thought your anxiety would eat you alive. your recent confidence boost from being received well by the public abandoned you when you thought about seeing sohee again.

at the red carpet you saw sohee for the first time in years. you had to seem unbothered, having to stand next to him while he announced your group. you had to introduce yourself and bow to sohee like you didn’t know him and had to pretend like you had forgotten you were trainees together. he shook your hand and bowed to you on camera, congratulating you on making your debut and your success. it felt so odd hearing sohee talk to you as a senior, or him talking to you at all. you never considered you would ever be in the position of having to meet your old love affair again, much less on live television as it was broadcasted to anyone who would watch.

after your group exited from the red carpet you had to blow off steam. you let out a sigh you didn’t know you were holding as knots formed in your stomach. you used the excuse of having to go to the bathroom as you split from the group. before you could hear confirmation you started walking the opposite way from your group and manager.

you felt dizzy roaming the halls like a ghost, weaving through the maze of dressing rooms bowing to everyone you passed by. you had to put on a smile each time you passed by someone trying hard to pretend like you weren’t on the verge of passing out. when you finally found an empty room you ran into it, ignoring the sign that read it was for hosts only.

the sterile white of the room made you feel like you were in a hospital, making you freak out even more. you were lucky to have a moment alone, a second to breathe away from everyone. the last thing you needed was for your group to see their fearless leader fighting off a panic attack by taking heavy breaths. you looked towards the wall as you tried to bring yourself back to earth. you couldn’t be bothered to look at the rest of the room to see if it was truly open. you were just hoping whoever was supposed to be in the room was away doing their job. you could see how hectic it was earlier. trash from food containers and used makeup wipes littered the tables and some made even made it to the floor.

as you scanned the chaos in the room you saw sohee was relaxed, feet propped up on the end of the couch as he looked at his phone.

you stood there in silence until he noticed you, shooting up from his seat so fast his clips almost fell from his hair.

”what are you doing here?” sohee asked.

he stood up from his seat on the couch to come to you. how lucky were you to be in this situation—nearing a panic attack while the reason for said panic attack looked right at you. when you were silent sohee gently grabbed you by the arm and pulled you fully into the dressing room, closing the door behind you.

“is everything alright?” sohee asked.

sohee knew you had to be half out of your mind to come and see him in a place where you could easily be found. but when you had that far off look in your eye and didn’t say a word his mood shifted. instead of demanding an answer he reached towards you timidly. you felt like a trapped animal while sohee reached to you, the instinct to leap away from him creeped up your back. but you stood there with wide eyes as you let his warm hands clasp around your cold fingers. his steadiness made the tremor go down, and the overall trembling in your chest began to slowly subside.

sohee guided you down on the armrest of the couch while you did everything in your power to steady your heart rate and breathing. sohee tried but failed to be of any help. he rubbed your cold arms and hands. it was still timid, like sohee was waiting for you to tell him to get away. it only made everything worse, having him so close to you. you saw your reflection in his eyes wide eyes, and your shared history showed like a movie in his blown out pupils. when he squatted next to you and put a hesitant hand on your thigh you don’t know why you reached for it so quickly.

sohee’s hands were rougher than before, but they still held yours the same. he mirrored the grip of your hand without a second thought, rubbing your back with the other. you did your breathing exercises, trying not to look too hard at sohee as he told you everything was going to be okay.

when you finally calmed down it was like the veil was lifted. you suddenly realized where you were, who you were, and what you were doing. you stood up from the couch so quickly that your vision spotted, ripping yourself from sohee’s hands. you composed yourself quickly, going into the mirror to fix strands of hair that were out of place. sohee kept a careful eye on you, still squatting next to the couch as you fixed your appearance. in the mirrors reflection you looked at sohee.

“you shouldn’t sit like that. you’ll wrinkle your pants.” you said to the mirror.

sohee stood up from his position and walked over to you. the pensive look in his eyes had subsided, replaced with annoyance as he walked over to you. sohee didn’t stop until he stood directly behind you, putting arms on either side of you to cage you between him and the table’s edge. sohee kept eye contact with you in the mirror as he stood behind you.

“are you alright?” he asked.

sohee slowly brought his chin down to rest on your shoulder as he asked his question. you imagined the trouble you’d be in if someone came in. you imagined your manager doing a headcount and realizing you were unaccounted for. sohee turned his gaze from the mirror to look at you. you continued to look in the mirror, but you could feel sohee’s eyes scan the parts of your face he could see. your manager was going to be so mad at you.

“you should go find your manager.” you said.

“being the leader has made you bossy.” sohee said.

he said the words into your hair, before making eye contact with your reflection in the mirror. you turned around to face him. his eyes remained calm, a playful glint that almost made you idignant.

“and being one of the youngest has made you careless.” you retort.

you don’t push back against sohee, staying in the place between him and the table. your eyes are wide from bewilderment nonetheless, amazed that sohee is trying to make a move on you in such a place. but he’s warm against your body, and his lips are so close to the places you’ve missed him the most. you try to think about all the consequences when sohee gets so close you can smell him.

“do you know what will happen if we get caught?” you ask.

sohee leans his body towards yours to push you against the table even more. his eyes fixate on your collarbone, then at all the spots your dress has left exposed. you let him eat you alive while you stand there trying to be reasonable.

“your dress is really pretty by the way.” sohee says.

he places a gentle kiss on your collarbone before moving to your neck. you both know he’s still hesitant, but when you react by putting his hand on the small of his back and pulling him closer he places another kiss. this kiss is wet and confident and your hand grips the fabric of his white button up. you can feel sohee smile as he presses a kiss to your neck.

you weren’t the same meek trainee that barely passed monthly evaluations anymore. you were the leader of the group that occupied the top of several charts because of songs you wrote. you were confident and had an aura that lured in the general public and a personality that was praised by fans. the persona your team carefully crafted came to you like second nature, so much to the point that it had become a part of who you were. but when you stood in front of sohee, when you felt his teeth press into your skin, you felt like you were the same vulnerable girl you were all those years ago. it was almost as scary as it was comforting, being able to be yourself when all you seemed to do these days was put on a show. but when sohee’s mouth tried to reach for yours you put a single finger on his lips to hold him back.

“you’re insane if you think i’m letting you ruin my makeup.” you said.

you had to hide your disappointment of not being able to kiss sohee by rolling your eyes. you don’t know how someone could be so careless, but at the same time you wanted nothing more than to make out with sohee like you were teenagers again. you should’ve pushed him off of you a long time ago to make your way to your seat. you should yell at him for putting you in such a position, you had more to lose now than ever. but the way sohee smiled against your finger made you lose all your nerve. his hand on the table moved to your hips and you tensed from feeling him. his fingers were gentle on your hips, but then he pressed so hard it began wrinkling your dress. you quickly smacked sohee’s hand away and he laughed at you.

“i just want to help you.” sohee fake pouts.

your hand goes to his bottom lip that juts out and you hold it in between your fingers. when you press harshly he doesn’t recoil, only continues to look at you as you add more pressure. your other hand goes to sohee’s and he holds it instantly.

“who says i need help?” you ask, still holding his lip.

you find it ridiculous to try to hide your emotions from sohee. even if you two weren’t always involved romantically, you trained together in close quarters. you danced together and ate together, went on trips and practice together. you two spent innocent unsupervised time together in between the kisses and the sneaking around. sohee knew what made you anxious and what your order was at the local fast food chain by heart—of course he knew you needed help.

“i know you, even if i haven’t seen you in so long.” sohee says.

words to combat his assumption fall flat. you don’t see a point in pretending anymore. you let go of his bottom lip and let your hand go to his cheek. if you get caught doing whatever sohee has in mind for you, you tell yourself it won’t be that big of a deal. you two were in the fifth generation of many groups before you, there’s no way it would be the first time someone was caught fooling around in a dressing room. you and sohee had also never been caught all the times before, and sohee had a look in his eyes that made you give in. so you detached your hand from sohees’ and started bunching your dress up delicately to not wrinkle the fabric too bad. his eyes started widening as he looked down at your newly exposed thighs.

“you have to be quick.” you said.

you thought you made yourself clear when you told sohee he had to be quick. when you first became the leader of your group the ability to tell people what to do felt awkward. commands came out quiet and like a suggestion more than an order. but the girls in your group respect you for some reason so they would listen after you told them once. your members spoiled you in that aspect; you had completely forgotten that rebels like sohee existed. which is why you were here now, gripping his shoulder to push him more into your heat. you were sure your manager was about to put a missing person’s out on you and sohee’s manager was going to kick in the door soon.

sohee had you on top of the table now, your back pressed against the glass of the mirror and your legs rested over his shoulders. you pressed your body against the cold glass while you haphazardly tried to grab something to steady yourself. you could feel the makeup brushes and wrappers that were on the table press against your skin. your dress had fallen from your hands at some point and the bottom of it partially covered sohee’s face as he continued make out with your folds. although he had energy like a bunny, he couldn’t stop his jaw from getting exhausted due to the exertion. it had been awhile since he’s done this too, his mouth was out of practice. sohee was just lucky that the innate part of him that knew how to please you was still there. sohee pulled away from you to see the death grip you had on the edgetable while your chest heaved. sohee started using his pointer finger and thumb to lightly pinch your clit, the same way you pinched his lip.

your eyes that were focusing on a ceiling light dropped down to see why sohee had stopped eating you out. you locked eyes with him, seeing how wide his eyes had gotten while he started to rub circles on your clit. he wasted no time putting two of his fingers inside of you too, going at a pace so fast it made everything on the table shake.

“just cum for me. so i don’t miss giving you your award.” sohee said.

his mouth went to your thigh, pressing his teeth against your supple skin while he sucked. you couldn’t stop your hand that went to his hair, grabbing the strands on top while you swiveled your hips against his fingers. he pulled out a finger to really feel you seize around his digit. you had to bite your lip to muffle the sound of your whines and sohee’s name falling from your lips. you knew your teeth would be stained and your lip combo was ruined, but that was better than having your cries be heard. sohee watched you with a slightly open mouth, mouthing the words caught in your throat. he continued to finger you through your orgasm, his finger coming out of you wet and glossy.

you still sat on the edge of the table as you caught your breath. your senses came back to you slowly. the feeling of your sweaty body in the tight dress made you uncomfortable, and you could feel your ruined underwear be moved back into place by sohee. he still was kneeled between your legs when he put your panties back on you, sucking on the same finger that was inside of you. you put on your best disgusted face while using two fingers to push on his forehead. sohee got the hint and moved from between your legs.

you got down from the table refusing his hand, doing your best to smooth out any wrinkles in your dress. sohee’s attempts at making himself look presentable failed. the hair on the crown of his head awkwardly sat up, some makeup on the bottom of his face was gone and his cheeks were flushed and rosy. you hoped that he would be able to get quick corrections from a stylist before making it onstage. you also suddenly hoped that you could talk to sohee about what had just happened, but you didn’t have time to worry about him. you had to be in a chair in two minutes. so while sohee was preoccupied fixing his hair clips and dusting off pants you were already out the door of the dressing room, picking up the end of your dress so you could jog to where you were supposed to be.

you were lucky you had found your manager just in time. by the look on her face you could tell she wanted to grab you by the ear and tell you off, but she didn’t have the time. instead she hurried you to your seat beside your members. you were apologizing profusely for being late when the show began again, suddenly silenced by the uproar of applause. you didn’t have a moment to adjust before going into professional mode, crossing your legs and clapping just like the cue sheets said.

it was hard to focus on the award show when your mind kept going back to where you were not even twenty minutes earlier. you could still feel the wet imprint of sohee’s lips on your thigh and you had to adjust yourself in your seat when you remembered sohee’s tongue deep inside of you. you kept going back to the sight of sohee’s head underneath your pushed up dress and the way you clutched the fabric helplessly in your hands. the quick flash of your group on the big screen and the venue erupting in cheers couldn’t even pull you from your trance. you saw sohee come onstage with another idol you debuted close in time to. at some point you had to actually start taking the time to learn the names of your colleagues.

you could hear a group of fans behind you make a collective cooing sound. you looked to the screen to see sohee smiling innocently at the camera. you could see some of his hair sticking up at the crown of his head. the sight broke you from your reverie and a small smile came across your face. you had to hide the smile quickly, lowering your head and masking it with a cough. when you looked down you could still make out small wrinkles from your dress where you were holding it with a death grip. both of you could your wrinkled garments and sohee could fix his untucked shirt but he couldn’t fix his hair that you messed up in the heat of the moment. you were wondering if there was still the taste of you on his tongue when you saw your group stand up and more cheering filled the room.

you looked up from your lap to see one of your members shoot you a quick look of confusion. your hesitation caused your group to hesitate too. they almost sat back down seeing you still seated, blindly following your lead like acolytes.your eyes quickly scanned the area around you as you stood up to join them. you were so busy that you missed your group had been announced to win record of the year. you wanted to yell at yourself for being so out of it. with all eyes on you all it took was one mistake for the public opinion to completely shift on you. you prayed you were able to play it off well with a shocked face and stiff body before finally standing up.

as your group headed for the main stage you saw yourself getting closer and closer to sohee. you were leading the pack, if you didn’t stop now you would inevitably have to take the award from him and another interaction between you and him would be broadcasted for the world to see. not talking to him almost made you have a panic attack after the red carpet, but after what happened in the dressing room if you got too close to sohee you might pass out. so you suddenly stopped at the very end, letting your confused members fill in the gap between you and the presenters. the youngest of your group ended up having to awkwardly take the award from sohee, something you’re sure you would get an earful of later. but it didn’t matter because you were able to compose yourself enough to do the groups introduction and seamlessly go through your heavily scripted acceptance speech.

when your group was done with the speech you felt the knots forming in your stomach again. you clear your throat and move your hand forward to let your members pass in front of you. they all go first and you could trail behind them, trying to make it seem like it was a calculated plan for you to stop so suddenly. you were clumsy bowing to every group you passed by, adrenaline from being onstage almost making you tip over your heels. you were incredibly grateful to make it back to your seats, waiting for the next part of the show to start.

“is everything okay?” your youngest member asked you.

her eyes were wide with worry as her gaze drifted to your clenched fists at your sides. you noticed then you were failing at your job as a nonchalant leader. two of your members were sharing a blanket to cover their over exposed legs and two others had resorted to using pillows. your body felt like it was on fire with embarrassment as you scanned the area around you for spare covering or a manager.

“let me get you guys some blankets.” you said standing up from your seat.

you saw a stacked pile of blankets neatly folded at a table in front of you. in any other case you would’ve asked a manager, but no one was around to help you. you prepared your soft and gentle voice to kindly ask whatever boy group was sitting at the table if they could spare the blankets for your girls.

just as you were approaching the table, sohee was doing the same. he kept his eyes locked on you, wondering what you were doing walking down the steps towards his group. his members saw him first, clapping their hands and giving him a thumbs up for presenting well. when they saw that sohee was looking past them, they all turned around to see what he was staring at.

before you could tap the shoulder of one of the men, suddenly six pairs of eyes were staring at you. yours went wide as an effect, suddenly overwhelmed by the amount of attenton. you felt like you should’ve known sohee’s members from the back of their heads to prepare yourself for the situation. you had even trained with some of them, spent the same amount of time with them as you did with sohee.

you believed you could’ve survived the moment before you saw the seventh pair of eyes looking at you. if you had come to your senses a minute earlier you could’ve asked for the blankets before sohee got back from presenting his award. but now where you were, standing next to the table while sohee stood on the other side, staring at him for a little bit too long. you imagined his members were staring at you too, wondering why you came to their table during a break in the show.

“sorry to bother you guys,” you politely pointed towards the folded blankets in the center of their table while still looking at sohee. “can i take these? for my group.” you said.

almost instantly they nodded, all of them reaching for the middle of their table. sohee was just a second faster than the rest of them like he already knew what you needed. with the stack of blankets in his hand he walked over to you casually. you did your best to ignore the way his members were looking at him approach you. their heads followed sohee’s every step, until he set the blankets in your outstretched hands.

“here you go.” sohee said.

sohee was lucky that his body blocked the view of his hand sliding between two blankets from his members. he was also lucky that your face showed shock only for a second before bowing and leaving.

you said a thank you before turning tail and heading back up the stairs to your members. you handed out the blankets with a smile on your face, hesitating between the second and third blanket to grab a neatly folded piece of paper in your hand. your members didn’t notice, too happy that their attentive leader got them what they needed.

you slid your note underneath your leg, keeping the folded piece of paper crushed between you and your seat. you were staring daggers to the back of sohee’s head the rest of the award show, trying to figure out why he would do something so risky. you wonder what the paper says. does he think you have the power to sneak away from your dorm and fuck him in a practice room like old times? you shake your head and try to enjoy the rest of the show. your group went on to win two more awards that night. one of your members cried and you wiped her tears while holding back ones of your own. you gave a heartfelt speech about how grateful you were for the people surrounding you. the crowd gave you a standing ovation and you shook your head, bowing deeply before leaving the stage.

when the awards are over your manager led your group to your dressing room. if she was frustrated with you for being absent it doesn’t show, she’s all smiles and giggles as she takes pictures of your group holding the trophies.

cameras are in your face when you get into the dressing room, filming behind the scenes content. some of your members cry and others take the time to sincerely thank fans for getting them this award. you stand in the corner of the room away from the prying cameras, opening the piece of paper that was held in your sweating hands.

i’ll be at our spot in the park.

you looked around quickly before tearing the piece of paper and throwing away the paper. you hid it underneath layers of garbage and smiled when the camera came to you. you had a little bit of a bigger smile when you thanked your fans and members for the awards, talking to the camera in your face with gratitude.

on the way back to the dorms your group was beaming with excitement from the award. you all ran your fingers over the engravings a thousand times, not believing it’s real. you and your girls talked about how much fun you were going to have in the future, and how this was only the beginning.

when your team’s car parked in the empty lot your manager gave your team a talk. she made sure to stress how much attention was going to be on your group now. your manager told your team how important it was to not be reckless, how curfew at the dorms would be enforced even harder. you looked to your members for their reactions—they all nodded understanding the stakes. you nodded too, acting like you weren’t going to be sneaking off as soon as you were left alone.

your manager also emphasized how important it was to strike while the iron was hot. your team was excited to hear that preparation for your comeback was starting tomorrow, a mere week after your promotions wrapped up. your team was happy but you had a sinking feeling in your stomach at the thought of trying to make a song that was even remotely as popular as your previous one. you knew you were the only one thinking such negative things in the car. maybe that’s why you were the leader, because of your habit of looking to the future. you still felt the prickle of excitement in the back of your mind. you were lucky to be at a place in your life where comebacks were consistent and you were a part of an award winning group. you were also seeing the love of your life tonight. there was no reason to be sad. so you nodded to everything your manager said, taking the time to thank her and your security guard for being with you guys since the beginning. your team followed your lead, thank you’s filling the company car.

you trailed behind your team as they were getting out of the car. before you could leave and be one step closer to seeing sohee your manager put a hand on your arm to stop you.

“stay behind for a moment,” your manager looked at your group. “she’ll meet you guys inside.” your manager said.

your second oldest member closed the door and they followed her lead to the door.

you settled in the seat, nervous for what your manager might say to you. your manager looked to your security guard in the front seat before looking back to you. she puts a hand on your knee and your hand on top of it squeezing.

“congratulations. they wouldn’t have been able to do it without you.” your manager says.

you nod your head, trying to figure out where this conversation was going.

“but,” she sighs. “you’re distracted.”

you visibly tense underneath your manager’s hand. she pulls away and reaches to the cup holder to grab her phone. it is awkward and too quiet as your manager unlocks her phone, showing you some webpage.

it takes a while for you to read the title and to recognize that it’s a blogpost. nonetheless it’s about you, looking dazed during the whole award show. low quality photos show you distracted as your members uncomfortably shift in their seats from lack of coverage, you getting up from your seat late after your win is announced, and a picture of you looking at sohee’s table. your face heats up and you put your head in your hands shamefully. you think about high definition fansite photos that could be circulated, showing you distracted in the highest quality possible.

“what are they saying?” you groan.

“run of the mill stuff. the fans are downvoting hate.” your manager said

you let out another groan and your manager’s hand returns to your knee. she shakes it to bring your head out of your hands. you look at her and she’s sympathetic. you hope she feels for your situation, being so young while having so much attention on you.

“don’t think too much about it. i just want you to be aware.” your manager says.

you rub your eyes before putting your hands back down. you nod your head and your manager gives you a small smile. you smile back, trying to show her that you are very grateful for her. she has been with your group since the beginning, the one that advocated for you to become the leader of your group. she was your fan before you knew you were worthy of praise.

“try to relax tonight, alright? you deserve it.” your manager says.

she opens the automatic door for you and you climb out, waving them off as they leave your driveway. once the car is gone you make your way to the entrance of the dorm.

when you round the corner of your building you see your group, hiding to not be seen by your manager. they surprise you, causing you to jump back a little and grab your chest. they apologize and ask you what your manager said. you lie to them of course, they don’t have phones to see the blogposts. you just tell your group that your manager wanted to thank you for leading the group, which wasn’t completely false. your group agreed with your manager’s words, thanking you endlessly for being their fearless leader.

you didn’t feel like their leader when the lights finally turned off and everyone finally went to bed. your group was awake long after they should’ve been, taking pictures with your trophy on a shitty digital camera and talking about the future. you had to force them to go to bed, telling everyone they would regret it in the morning. you put your members to bed like you were their mother, patting their heads and telling them how happy you were to be in a group with them. when they were asleep you abandoned all sense of responsibility, getting ready in the dark to make the trek to see your old flame.

you were extremely lucky it was cold outside. it gave you a reason to bundle up in layer after layer, covering all proof of who you were. a long black coat hid your body and baggy pants and an oversized sweater hid your frame. a scarf his your neck and a hat helped you hide your eyes. by the time you put on your face mask you looked completely undetectable, just another person walking around the park to see someone you probably shouldn’t be seeing. your body was hot from the layers and the shame as you tip toed through your dorm, sneaking past your sleeping members to walk to the door. you had a moment where you believed you might’ve been caught, seeing one of the more restless girls move around underneath the sheets. but she settled back in and started snoring, and you thanked the gods for keeping her asleep.

once you made it outside you started thinking of excuses. in the off chance you were caught, you would be able to lie and say you needed to go on a quick walk to clear your head. it’s the least you deserved, after the stressful promotion period you had as a leader. you were lucky that the park sohee was talking about was so close to your building, just ten minutes if you walked briskly. the cold kept you moving a little faster, you knew you’d be there in no time. you thought about when you first moved into your dorm and you would jog past the place you were nervously walking to now. you would pass by the stone stairs that led to the gazebo and look up, memories of being there rushing through your mind. if you ran by it fast enough, you could see you and sohee there, kissing while you two watched the sunset.

you wondered sometimes if you’d ever have that life again. being a trainee was hell, but you were technically still free then. you could’ve walked out at anytime and lived a normal life. if someone saw you kissing a boy they would just keep walking by. but now, as you got closer and closer to the spot you thought about your life now. if you left the company and terminated your contract you wondered if you would still be a celebrity. would you still have to worry about the lack of privacy or the chance that someone could be lurking in the shadows, snapping pictures of you living life. you imagined blogposts of blurry photos taken at night of you and sohee. it would be a trending topic, and you could potentially put your members and your livelihood at risk. the fear made you slow down, almost paralyzed you. the soles of your shoes felt like they were glued to the paved path you walked on and it felt like the breeze was trying to push you back home. it wasn’t too late to turn around, sohee would be hurt but he would be okay. it was better being embroiled in a dating scandal.

you got ready to turn on your heels when you heard his voice. it was quiet and unsure, like there would be other people walking around the park this late at night.

“is that you?” sohee called.

you still debated on walking away. but when he called your name again, a little more desperate than the first time you looked up at him.

sohee’s fashion mirrored yours, clad in black with a hat and mask to hide all of him. you wonder how he got here. his apartment was further away, atleast over the bridge. did he have a phone now to call a taxi? did he walk here like you did? did he ask a manager to drive him here? you tried thinking about everything except for the risky situation you were in as sohee got closer and closer to you. eveything was telling you to run, follow the streetlights until you got back to your dorm. sohee’s steps were slow, each one loud as his foot made contact with the gravel path. he approached you like a wild animal, scared you would jump and run away.

when sohee was directly in front of you he lowered his mask. you gasped and looked around, reaching for the mask to bring it back up on his face. his hand went to your wrist, rubbing the little amount of skin you had exposed.

“no one is around. i checked already.” sohee said.

you let sohee’s hand move from your wrist further up, until his hand wraps around your bicep inside your jacket. his touch is warmer than the million layers you wear. you’re so caught up in how he massages your skin you let him bring you closer and closer, until your chests touch. sohee wraps his arm around you and you can’t stop yourself from relaxing against his chest. he rubs your back gently, and you feel like you are being taken care of since you became the leader of your group. the tenderness almost brings you to tears, somehow this is harder to do than fool around in an empty dressing room.

“congratulations. on your award.” sohee says.

you scoff and go further into sohee. his hand has reached further up into your jacket, resting on your bare shoulder.

“i’m not an idol right now.” you say.

you try to sound mad but you’re so quiet your voice is almost drowned out by the buzzing street lamps and the chirping cicadas. sohee hears you perfectly, tucking your head underneath his chin and nodding.

“i understand.” sohee says.

you two stay like that for awhile, hugging underneath the lights on a gravel path. you are passed by a couple and a runner who couldn’t care less. it’s comforting to see people uninterested in what you have to do. it’s almost like you are a trainee with sohee again, doing what you two please.

anytime a breeze comes by you go further into sohee’s chest, taking in a fresh whiff of him. he smells the same as he did when you were trainees, the fresh detergent mixing with something else. it was nothing you could ever pinpoint, and sohee withheld the fragrance he wore like his life depended on it. whatever it was—whether it was just him or a perfume—he was intoxicating nonetheless.

when another person passes by sohee pushes you away gently by your shoulders. he goes to your hand, gripping it so tight it’s almost painful.

“do you remember when we first came here?” sohee asked.

you only nodded your head. you couldn’t stop remembering even if you wanted to. each step you took to the spot you were reminded of walking down the paths in the summertime with sohee by your side, taking both of your hands into his. you looked up from underneath the brim of your hat to look at him. sohee’s hands were rocking yours back and forth as he rocked on his heels. you could feel that sohee’s nervousness manifested in a different way than yours.

you continue to look at eachother in silence, listening to the cicadas and the occasional sound of someone making their way down the gravel path. each time you hear the grinding sound of a shoe making contact with the rocks you snap your head in that direction. when you turn your head again, sohee lets go of your hands to rest on your face.

“it’s just me and you.” sohee says.

it’s not a command, he says it light and in a comforting way. he does it to try and quell your nervousness, so you nod to make him feel better. you still feel the creeping feeling behind you, like someone is hiding in the tree line next to the gazebo. you try to focus on sohee’s warm hands and your hands that rest on his waist. you focus on his lips, and think about if they still taste like you.

“do you want to talk about what happened earlier today?” sohee asked.

you nod again.

“i know it was irresponsible. and i’m sorry.” sohee says.

you shake your head and grip sohee’s hands tighter.

“it was both of us.” you start moving sohee’s hands back and forth as the rest of your thought rests on the tip of your tongue. “we just have to be more careful in the future.” you say.

sohee tilts his head as he listens to what you say.

“future?” sohee asks.

his words lift at the end in confusion when you nod your head.

“you’re my comfort and i don’t want to lose you.” you blink slowly, trying to will away the tears. “i’m willing to make it work if you want to, too.” you say.

sohee slowly lets go of your hand and puts his hands on your shoulders. you let him lightly apply force, pushing you back until you lean against the wall. you stay there completely still, scared that if you move you’ll have to say goodbye. you both find your own way to avoid the inevitable. sohee messes with the sleeve of your jacket while you try and grab his hand. you both take the time to look into eachothers eyes, trying to find the answer there. sohee looks comforting underneath the streetlight as he comes closer to your face. it reminded you of the times when you were free to act the way all people your age did. you remember being in this exact same position with sohee, waiting for him to kiss you after a long day of shameless flirting. in any other instance you would’ve been heartbroken at the thought of this being your last time together. but he looked like your future underneath the flickering lights and the way he held your hand made you believe he was here to stay.

it takes you by surprise when you start to reveal more of yourself to sohee. it starts you reveal more of yourself to sohee, taking off your hat and fully taking off your mask to stuff it into the pocket of your jacket. sohee smiles even bigger than he was before. you feel so comfortable that you would’ve shed all your layers even in the brisk cold. but you decided to show sohee how comforted you were by bringing him in for a kiss.

you thought that you were pent up but it was nothing compared to the way sohee kissed you back. instantly he responded to your kiss, pushing into your lips. his face went to your hands but then found their way to the hood of your jacket. sohee was in a hurry, his hands trying to find a way to your burning bare skin so he could touch it. while one hand brought you in closer by the hood of your jacket the other hand slipped into your jacket until his hand found the back of your neck. while sohee’s hands guided your lips against his your hands started digging into his hips.

sohee didn’t know whether it was because he was extremely eager or if he got so dizzy from kissing you that he lost his footing. it wasn’t bad, just a step forward into your while you let his tongue graze your teeth. the step caused you to lose your balance but sohee quickly caught you, moving you against the wall to cage you in. you felt even more secured in this spot, your mind running rampant. you thought you didn’t care if someone was watching, as long as you were able to keep kissing sohee. so you let him pin you against the wall while he wedged his legs between yours. you had to practice self control to not put your body weight on his thigh and let him kiss you until you became a mess. you just let his leg stay there and you let your legs clench around his.

he tilted his head and you responded by tilting yours so sohee could take your bottom lip into his mouth. he sucked on the skin harshly, letting his teeth lightly press into your pout. you opened your eyes for a moment to see his closed in bliss. while he sucked on your lip you let yourself catch your breath. your sweaty chest heaved underneath the confines of your clothes, suddenly too hot even in the frigid temperature. your hands found a way underneath sohee’s layers of clothes as you gripped his waist. you were moaning pitifully now, and you let your weight rest on sohee’s thigh wedged between your knee. sohee lowered his head with your body, not breaking contact with your lips for a second.

when sohee detached from your lips he continued to kiss you with vigor. it was the same way he kissed your folds in the empty dressing room while your career was waiting for you in your seat. you wished that doing something wrong didn’t feel so good as sohee moaned into your mouth. you let out whimpers of your own and sharp intakes of air filled the space between you as you desperately tried to catch your breath. sohee’s hand on the back of your neck was only there for comfort as you got back into the groove of kissing him. you took control for a moment, letting a hand come up to grab a handful of his hair. you tugged at the roots only once, and sohee’s hands moved to your cheeks to show you how intense everything felt. his thumbs pressed into the apples of your cheeks as the cicadas and sounds of your lips making contact filled the night air. his hands couldn’t stop roaming, going from your face to finally pulling you in by the small of your back. you leaned back away from the wall from the support and sohee leaned over you to not break contact. each kiss lit something inside of you and felt brand new—you wish you could kiss sohee underneath the buzzing streetlamp forever.

when sohee finally pulls away you can’t bring yourself to let go of him. both of you are dumbstruck, wide-eyed with your mouths agape. your lips are both swollen and glossy from spit as you catch your breaths. you can see sohee’s tongue in his mouth poke out to wet his lips and you only start breathing harder. puffs of white vaporized air fills the night as you huff out uneven breaths. you and sohee end up leaned against the wall side by side. you are looking up to the streetlamp and the moon when sohee reaches over to grab your hand. you look to sohee, vaporized breath dissipating in between the two of you.

“this means you’re my girlfriend again, right?” sohee says in between breaths of air.

you still have a dumbfounded look on your face as you nod looking at him. you didn’t have the words for it now, but you knew sohee would be yours forever. you two would make it through the time apart and hectic schedules as idols. even if it you both went through your own trials and tests of strength you remained steadfast, refusing to waste it any longer.

#01zfan: sohee #seriez: dont waste it #sohee smut #riize smut

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punkeropercyjackson · 4 months

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Why afrolatino Jason Todd works,an analysis by an irl afrolatina and thee Jason expert

His personality is EXTREMELY realistic for a black or latino and especially both man.He's cocky asf,a (multiple time!) mama's boy but mouths off to his dad with no hesitant and for fun even,respects women by seeing the female characters as either equals or above him,roughouses with his brothers,a big ass nerd since childhood and acts tough and invulnerable for the sake of looking cool but his heart's as big as his tits and a lot of his lines are so sappy in a poetic way i feel the need to avert my eyes when i see them to give him privacy

His pre-reboot Robin self reminds me of SEVERAL canon young black boy characters(Miles Morales,Oscar Pine,Zak Saturday and possibly more)

Duke is his favorite brother despite knowing him YEARS less than the other Batboys.Do i even need to say anything on this one

Every single woman he's been attracted to have been woc,those being Rose(half cambodian),Artemis(egyptian)and Dana(black).He dosen't like white girls <3

Further proof?He had KORIAND'R HERSELF throwing herself at him but showed active disenterest.For context:We're talking about post taking away her black-coding

Him growing up poor can be explained by being a second/third gen inmigrant making finding jobs hard for his family and to this day i remember when my history teacher called us 'a poor country' because of how much damage colonizers did here.Let me have this

The Joker killing him at 15 and him getting victim blamed and a bad rep despite what a good kid he was gains a new light if it's because he was a black child and so does him becoming Red Hood because of it.Also.Red HOOD.C'mon

The artist for Red Hood:Outlaws said he headcanons him as latino because he is and an iconic event a few years back was John Boyega clowning a racist on twitter by saying he wants to play Jason.Here's how the stars can align

African-American parents commonly give their kids greek names and the original Jason was a greek mythos hero!!

Let's be deeply serious,Jason would not have even HALF the gross fans he does if he was black.You think fanon onlys would be riding that hard for an afrolatino man seeking vengeance for himself with gray morality?They'd act like he's worse than Slade and the Joker combined and call him ugly nonstop💀Comics readers would have him all to ourselves with no weirdos getting their hands on him

Canonically almost entierly uniterested in casual relathionships,smoking or drinking so there's some stereotypes off the table

Selina,Babs and Kory have green eyes.They're all black in one way or another.Jason has green eyes.You understand

He's a classical literature nerd and latino lit is some of the best there is

Bombshells him is a spaniard and that's exactly the kind of move DC would pull with an actual latino character(the run released post the hc for him becoming popular)

Legoverse and webtoons made him a gamer.Hashtag cringefail black gamer dude realness

Something something the soft uwu black boy Robin is actually kid him and not Duke

Giving him a fridge ass build and a buzzcut in Gotham Knights was DC stereotyping(/BIG JOKE,PLEASE THERE'S ACTUAL REASONS IT'S SHIT)

Five words:Dominican horror folklore based tactics

Talia and his' mother-son relathionship is made all the more heartwarming and sad

Stephanie and i are the same person so she's black like me by extension and she's the only Batfam girl he really gets along with and imo this would also include Nell and Tiffany if the writers weren't fuckasses and went through with their actual good stories

Look up Aubrey Joseph vids.There's no better fancast for him out there not in looks but in personality

Trivia finale:His birthday is the same date as Dominican Restoration Day,red represents blood on our country's flag,at our schools we sell mini packets of neapolitan cream with mini spoons to eat them and his Lego movie is called 'Family Matters'

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 5 months

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AITA for insisting my roommate not get me a Christmas present/WIBT if I insist even more?

🎁 so I can find this later!

TLDR WIBTA if I insist harder than I already have that my (unaware of being transphobic) roommate not get me a gift for Christmas, since my being autistic and nonbinary may complicate things?

Sorry for the long one, there's a lot of context going into this.

I (18X) am a college freshman and am rooming with a person I didn't know beforehand. Our rooming situation is weird, so neither of us had talked to each other at all before moving in. I'll call her S (18F).

S is a very big gift-giver; it's her love language. She's gotten me a couple things in the past and has wanted me to try things so she can see if they'd make for good gifts. The problem is, I'm more on the masc side of being nonbinary, as well as the fact that I have low-intensity ASD, so usually the stuff she would want to get me (skin care, makeup, etc) is never exactly my style (most notably, she wanted me to see how a skin cream felt and I ended up complaining a bit too much, embarrassingly, before realizing that it was rude and assuring her that I appreciated the gesture, which I think helped her feel a little bit better) (another add-on, she knows I'm nonbinary, but still refers to me as a girl and uses she/her for me, which is why she keeps wanting me to try feminine products. I've played it off as not caring because I'm low key a little scared of her lol (in the way that anxious people are scared of confident people))

Because of said confidence, she tends to dominate conversations, and I'm always happy to listen, as someone who doesn't talk much myself. Because of this, I know she loves plushies and has a history with them, so for Christmas a couple weeks ago I ordered her a plushie online and snuck it into our dorm for her to find, and she ended up loving it.

Thing is, as she told me this, she said she was going to get something once she went home for the break. Apparently it's going to be expensive, too, since she joked that she told her mom to prepare for an expensive purchase beforehand.

I insisted that she not get me the gift, and that I didn't need one, but she is incredibly stubborn about it and was set in her ways of getting me one.

This is very nice of her obviously, and I appreciate the gesture, but.. I genuinely don't like being given gifts. If it's a mutually-discussed thing before-hand, sure, but most of the time gifts are a no-go. I don't exactly like giving gifts and I dislike being given gifts even more. There's way too much unpredictability, and because of my ASD, whenever I get a gift I don't like, I end up complaining about it without thinking, before realizing it's rude and assuring the person that I really do appreciate it. I've tried working on this before, but it's something I can't help— it literally happens without me thinking. As well as that, I only really knew what she'd liked because I actively listened to her a lot and spent over two months using the information I had gathered on her to get her the perfect gift. I am awful about this, since I'm very bad at coming up with gifts for people and this process— taking multiple months just to figure out what to get her— is the best I can do. I'd much rather hang out with people and buy stuff for them on the town, like paying for a dinner or sweets or whatever. The only reason I went through all of this for her is because 1 I appreciate her trying to be nice to me despite the fact that I am literally the type of person she'd bully in high school, 2 it's Christmas, and 3 it feels like I'm repaying her for trying to buy me all this stuff

So her getting me this gift just.. wouldn't sit right with me. I'm terrified of her getting me something I won't like and complaining about it before I can even think because of my ASD, and it'd feel like a massive debt to repay that'd eat at me forever. Plus, despite trying her best to respect my identity, she.. doesn't really know how transphobic she is, and I'm worried she might get me something very cutesy feminine that'd either make me 1 act uncomfortable or 2 lie to her and reaffirm her beliefs that I'm just female-lite. So, this is where my problem lies. WIBTA if I insist harder for her to not get me a present, despite it being her love language?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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thestarpletsystem · 14 days

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{I'm going to post this as it's own thing as well, since I'm pretty proud of it. This is in response to "The Future is Plural" and those who respond with The Future is Singlet. This entire thing is aimed at anti-endos, and I think is an important read for them. I also wanted it to reach my normal audiance as well, since a lot of you probably have some of the tags I tagged the original as blocked.}

"The future is singlet" goes back to what I reblogged earlier, which I doubt y’all would see since it’s a pro-endo post. Nobody is asking for there to be more abused kids. If they are, they probably aren’t speaking in good faith on this argument or they have something else they need to work through.

Let’s say that we know, 100% for a fact, the only way to be a system is through trauma. There is still use for you in that phrase. The point of “the future is plural” is not what it says on the tin, as you've shown. We’re not asking for there to be more systems, if we’re thinking strictly in your terms. We’re asking for it to be believed; for it to be taken seriously. We want it to be normalized in the way where if someone says “hey I’m plural” we believe them. We want there to be more understanding and less hate. We want to ensure that those ahead of us don’t have to face what we have, and that what those before us have done was not in vain.

You know why it’s not okay for clinicians to abuse their patients with DID? It’s not because they woke up one day and decided “maybe we shouldn’t be treating our patients like this.” It’s because activists before us did their job. Back in the ‘80s there were so many fucked up practices being done to those with DID, named MPD at that time. Which I must include because it is pertinent to the history of our disorder. Law suits have been brought to court and have been won over these practices. Now, while we are quite a bit better in terms of clinicians that specialize in DID, we aren’t in terms of the general population. They may still believe we are voilent and scary. They may still believe that it’s not a real disorder. They may still believe that it’s just like what they see on TV. Which, as everyone here knows, it isn’t.

We want to make sure they understand that we are humans, too. While we may be many, we aren’t terrible or lying or any number of things others who have no experience with DID think. We, as a community, deserve better. We deserve to be believed. We deserve to be treated with respect and dignity.

And so, I bring it back to one of my first points. Even if we were arguing for there to be more systems, it’s not in the way you desperately want to believe. It’s not begging for more traumatized children. It’s not through pain and suffering. Its a call for pride on all sides. It’s also recognition of the systems that just happen, it’s to celebrate the beauty of those who found their plurality and aren’t traumatized like you or I. You can believe that systems and dissociation ONLY form from trauma, but you wouldn’t be right. To the end where even Dr. Collin A. Ross, one of, if not THE leading researcher in the field, outright states that there are those out there who have been diagnosed with DID and who struggle with dissociation who have no trauma history. He himself has said that there are even people who are multiple that would not fit the criteria or don’t have the difficulty that those with DID must to experience for it to be the disorder it is. (Thanks sysmedsaresexist!)

If you won’t listen to those who experience endogenic plurality, if you won’t listen to those who have done research and have still come to this conclusion, if you won’t listen to those leading in the field of trauma and dissociation, then who will you listen to? How will you be able to make sure you’re not spreading the same misinformation and hate that the phrase “The future is plural” is a desperate plea to combat? How are you better than the endogenic systems you want to demonize so badly?

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your-local-nerd-0405 · 1 month

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The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black Pt1

Next on the list is by far the most known family as well as the largest which is why i'm splitting this into multiple parts. The Black family colors is black, green, and gold and their Hogwarts house is of course Slytherin. Their family motto is Toujours Pur which is French for always pure. Despite popular belief there is nothing in their family line that would lead us to believing they are French. I know we all wish they were and I too blush like a highschool girl at the thought of Sirius flirting with Remus in french or Regulus only being nice to James in french. Don't worry you're not alone.

The family experienced their "rise to fame" after the fall of the House of Gaunt. They were still pretty well respected within wizarding society before this, but weren't really considered "royalty" until what was thought to be the end of the Gaunt's male line.

The family tree is located in the drawing room of the family's town house in London called Grimmauld's Place. The tree is bordered with gold trim that has the words "En stirps nobilis et gens antiquissima Black" repeated on it, which translates to " A noble and ancient Black race". The family is known for having pitch black hair and pale skin. Along with that they are known for their rather extreme views on blood purity and their long history of incest. Due to the long history of incest members of the noble house of black are not known to live for a long period of time, and often times are very sickly. However despite their sickly health they are known to have strong magical cores and are skilled in many different forms of magic.

It is unclear as to whether or not Grimmauld's Place is the family's primary residence but I imagine that due to the family's extensive wealth (and willingness to flaunt said wealth) they have a manor much like the Malfoy's do.

The Black's are known for their numerous traditions and my favorite tradition that they have is their naming tradition. All members of the Black family have a star related name and sometimes when a person marries into the family they will change their name to match this tradition. The female members will often still stick to this tradition when marrying and having their own children.

It is no secret that the Black family has very extreme Blood purist views and where avid supporters of Voldemort however despite this only 3 members out of the many Blacks family members alive at that time where actually Deatheaters.

The family's reputation took a huge hit after the first wizarding war and the last name Black no longer held any power. People in the wizarding world begin to regard them as a family full of mad people, and in 1994 the last bearer of the family name, Sirius Black, was killed by his cousin Bellatrix Lestrange nee Black effectively putting an end to the noble and most ancient house of Black.

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thespoonisvictory · 3 months

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I have seen multiple posts that are like “don’t drop the rest of them, surely it’s a huge shock that their close friend is a manipulator and abuser” mf you can’t have your cake and eat it too. cc’s can’t claim to have KNOW for weeks and months that he’s a horrible person that’s manipulative and abusive to everyone around him while his closest friends are seemingly unaware.

Fuck every single one of these cc’s especially the ones that are having their gotcha! moment right now and are parading around like some sort of savior and the defenders of victims. Where the fuck were these people when bitzel got ripped to shreds for speaking out against dream?

Firesnap put it best: they got their steal chair response now that it’s safe but none of them genuinely give a shit about victims and are only speaking out to portray themselves as good people on “the right side of history”. In a couple of weeks most people will have moved on and start to forget about it all until someone else gets exposed for being a douchebag asshole.

You were so right for leaving ages ago spoon.

I'm going to be honest, I can't take any credit for having some pre-meditated knowledge of the shittiness of mcyt (in this specific facet, at least). a lot of it was just the fact that the content I enjoyed stopped being made, and a lot of factors in my real life significantly improved and thus took up a lot more time.

But you know what? I went and watched a lot of stuff made by people with degrees in comedy and philosophy, and spent a lot of time with real actual people in real actual workplaces. and what became so shocking to me coming back to this was the complete lack of boundaries and professionalism that is just. normal in streamer circles. when you see a company like dropout, for example, go to lengths to be diverse in who they employ, to treat their customers well, to provide meaningful, well-made content, etc, it's hard to then look at mcyt circles and see this shit continue to happen.

I'm not saying that amateur media like twitch isn't good and fun and doesn't have the capability to be heart wrenching. I am saying that I gradually became aware how insane it was that 90% of the big calls in this industry were being made by white guys who got famous in their teens for being charming and funny, then received millions of adoring messages and thousands of dollars for it. they didn't have to learn how to collaborate, or respect others. just to be convincing enough on camera to make people like them. and when you think about that, it's really easy to understand how it got like this. and that makes some fresh and compelling media, but it also makes a lot of messes.

yes to the rest of what you said, too. If they knew, they chose to stick with him publicly. that's not something that can be reversed with a righteous tweet

#asks

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jazzycurls · 2 years

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Meant to be

Pairing: Eddie Munson x fem!Reader

Summary: It's a surprise 😉🤫

Warnings/Tags: Dark, Noncon, dubcon, mentions of suicide, arguing/raised voices, curse words, smut, (let me know if I missed something)

Recommended: Listen to The Weekend- Call out my name. Had it on repeat while I proofread this lol. Tumblr wouldn't let me add it to the post for some reason 😒

An: Hi you guys! I'm new to writing of any kind. All feedback is welcome, be gentle please haha. Please do not steal or copy my work. Don’t repost without credit. This is my written work, everything besides the characters and plot points by the original writers, belongs to me. Also this is a dark theme, please read the warnings. If this isn't your cup of tea, please don't read.

Word Count: 6,856

You're the queen of Hawkins High, there isn't anything you can't get or take if need be. With just a flutter of your lashes or a pout on your full lips and it's yours. It also didn't hurt that your father was the mayor of this town. The captain of the cheerleading squad, simply put, you run this school and everyone in it, well almost everyone that is. There was one, however, who refused to respect the rules of the social hierarchy.

You sighed as you looked in the bathroom mirror, you were flanked by a group of girls as you reapplied your lipstick.

"Are you going to the party this weekend?" Your friend Jessica asks you as she stares at her reflection in the mirror beside you.

"Nope," you reply with a pop of your lips. You cap the top of your pink lipgloss before tossing it into your bag.

Your response catches her attention, she turns to you with a hand on her slim extended hip. "Why not," she questions, one brow raised in confusion.

Annoyance flares within you at her questioning you. If it was anyone else you would've reduced them to a puddle of tears for the offense, but this wasn't just anyone, it was your closest friend. Not enough to be called a best friend but enough that you preferred her the others.

"I already have plans," you shrug, not feeling the need to explain any further. You turn and walk out of the bathroom, a small path clears through the group of girls surrounding you.

A frown forms on her face as she follows behind you but before she can ask you another question, the bell rings signaling the tardy bell. "See ya later hun, I gotta test in History today," you give air smooches before turning to the rest of the girls.

"Bye girls, I'll see you at lunch," you give them a small wave and a smile before heading to class. When you walk into your class it's five minutes past the bell.

"Sorry I'm late Mr. Breedlove, I was having a quick meeting with the cheer squad," you lie giving him a dainty smile. He doesn't say anything, only giving you a quick smile before asking you to take a seat.

Multiple people greeted you as you walked to your assigned seat.

"Hey y/n, I like that skirt," Lindsay Melton said with a wave.

"Thanks," you said giving a small twirl before taking your seat. You place your powder blue bag onto your desk, taking out your notebook and pink pom pom pen.

Soon after Eddie Munson strolls into the classroom after you've taken a seat. "Mr. Munson, it would be in your best interest to make it to class on time, you can't afford to do otherwise," he reprimanded.

Eddie stood at attention, giving him a salute "Yes sir," he replied with a sardonic grin. He walks over to his seat and sits down with a flop, which was directly in front of yours.

Eddie Munson was the bane of your existence. He made your life a living hell without even knowing it. It wasn't from him being mean or cruel to you, Munson didn't have it in him to be mean to a woman. He saved all of that for the men who made the mistake of taunting or teasing him but it was clear that he didn't like you. Plus the fact that you were in love with him made it so much worse.

Eddie was someone who didn't blend in easily, always drawing attention wherever he went, including yours. You hated when people bullied him, it wasn't something that you agreed with, contrary to what most people believed. Most assumed that you were a bully, but you never messed with anyone who didn't have it coming.

It also didn't help that you had every class with him. Which forced you to see him constantly every day. You pretended to take notes as you marveled at the curls that draped across his shoulders. Most men kept their hair in short vanilla looking styles. He was one of the few who went outside of the norm.

You didn't know what you liked more, when his hair was loose or when he had it in a bun at the nape of his neck. He had approximately seven beauty marks scattered across the back of his neck. You knew because you had counted them on more than one occasion.

You're not sure when you fell for Eddie, it may have been on your first day of high school. You were a lost little freshman and couldn't find any of your classes. He had escorted you to all of them, making himself late in the process.

It could've been in elementary when your parents were late as usual picking you up. You sat on the steps of the school alone as you waited for a ride. You were used to being alone so that didn't bother you.

Eddie Munson had walked out of the double doors of the school and had taken a seat beside you. He had a buzz cut at the time and wasn't nearly as tall as he is now but you still thought that he was cute and a nicer than most. You knew he was a walker so he had no reason to sit and wait with you.

When your mom had finally shown up, as you were getting in the car, you noticed him walking in the other direction. Those acts of kindness endeared you to him and you had never forgotten, keeping them tucked away safe in your memories.

The problem now was that you were popular and had been for a while, and it was a known fact that Eddie hated popular kids. So you had settled for admiring him from afar. Your eyes never strayed too far from him whenever he was near.

You had a plan though, a grand scheme to help you finally get what you wanted the most. You were going to confess to Eddie, tell him how you felt about him. There was a chance that your popularity could dip but it wasn't anything that a little damage control couldn't solve.

It was a known fact that Eddie stayed in the woods by the benches after school. If anyone wanted to score, all they had to do was go to that area. If anyone saw you, you could just say that you were buying from him.

A little smile formed on your face as you doodled hearts onto your notebook. All would be as it should be in due time. With a shake of your head, you looked towards your teacher and began to take notes.

♡♡♡♡

You were just getting out of cheer practice and were headed to the woods behind the school. After making a pit stop at the bathroom you were on your way. It had taken almost five minutes along with your iciest glare in order to convince your friends that you didn't want to hang out after school.

A gust of air blew around you as you headed into the dense woods. Fall was in the air, the leaves were molten-red, crunching under your sneakers with every step. After a few minutes, you made it to the small clearing where the picnic table was situated. Your breath caught as you saw Eddie.

He had yet to notice you as you stood off to the side and watched him. He looked so beautiful in the late evening sunlight. His head was tilted back as he blew a puff of smoke into the air, while his fingers tapped a beat against the wooden table.

You cleared your throat as you stepped closer. The spell was broken and Eddie instantly became guarded, the moment of peace was gone with the announcement of your presence.

"Hi," you whispered shyly, your heartbeat had increased significantly. You step over into his line of sight and move closer to him.

"S'up— what you looking for," he says in a monotone voice. He reaches behind him and grabs his metal lunchbox, sits it on his lap, and opens it.

"I— I'm not," you stammer over your words as your nerves continue to build. Your usual confidence has vanished as you approach Eddie. The speech you had prepared in your mind disappeared when he first spoke to you.

He looks at you with a raised brow, patiently waiting for you to finish.

You take a deep breath trying to steady your breathing "I'm not looking to score," you rush out.

His shoulders are tense as he looks around nervously. "What do you want then," he says coldly.

Tell him your mind screams as you just stand there. You focus on his big expressive eyes, so full of emotion, it's easy to know exactly how he is feeling. It's one of the things you love most about him. In the world you are from, no one ever shows their feelings, unless it's premeditated.

You shake your head, trying to clear your thoughts. Confusion is etched across his face as you begin again "I fell—," you stammered.

You close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. "You got this," you tell yourself silently.

"I fell in love with you the day that I met you," you smile to yourself as you remember that day.

"Whenever I would feel lonely or scared, just thinking about you calmed me down and gave me comfort." You open your eyes to look into his "I want to be with you and I don't care who knows it." you say sincerely.

You smooth down your skirt as you gauge his reaction. His mouth hangs open in shock and his eyebrows have skyrocketed up to his hairline. Moments tick by as you wait for him to respond. You edge closer to him as you wait.

He chuckles in disbelief, which turns into a fit of giggles. "Not gonna lie you had me going there for a minute," he lets out as he attempts to contain his laughter. "Kay jokes over princess," he snarks sarcastically.

"I got better shit to do than to be the source of entertainment for you and your minions." His tone is harsh and full of bite as he glares at you with contempt.

Your heart had dropped when he had first begun to laugh. The thought that he was laughing at you had caused your heart to crack. But it was okay! He only thought that you were playing some sick joke on him.

"Of course he does," you thought to yourself sighing in relief. You lifted your eyes to him, holding his gaze. "This is no game, Eddie. I love you, with all of my being," you assert.

He looks at you his eyes are wide, finally taking you seriously. "Wow," he says as he looks away scratching at the back of his head. "Jesus Christ, you're really serious aren't you?"

You nod as you move again toward him, finally standing directly in front of him. Your knees are inches away from his, all it takes is one more step and you would be right in between his legs.

He clears his throat nervously, his Adams apples bobbing up and down in his neck. "His neck is so long and thick," you think absentmindedly. "Focus," you scold yourself as you once again get lost in your thoughts.

"Um, I'm flattered, I really am. I mean, shit, who wouldn't want the queen of Hawkins as their girlfriend," he says nervously, avoiding your eyes.

"But," you say when he takes too long to continue.

"I like someone else," he explains with sympathy in his eyes. "You're a great girl and all but you're not my type," he adds.

Your heart begins to crack again. "Not your type," you say incredulously.

"Yeah you know, popular," he tells you as he waves his hand.

You stare at him in shock, this was not supposed to happen. He was supposed to accept you, to realize that he loved you too. You were supposed to be safe, wrapped up in his arms in a loving embrace by now.

"I can be whatever you want me to be," you state weakly. You know you sound pathetic but your desperation has kicked in, leaving you grasping for straws.

"I'm sorry darling, that's not how it works," he says with finality.

You stand motionless, your brain screams at you to do something. ''Show him how much he means to you,'' you think.

You step closer to him and straddle his lap unexpectedly. "I know this can work, just give us a chance" you murmur as you force a kiss onto his lips.

He breaks the kiss instantly as he pushes you off of him causing you to fall back onto the ground. Tears spring forward at the embarrassment, shame, and heartache you feel.

"Shit, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to," he says as he reaches a hand out to you. Pity is etched into his features.

You take his hand, relishing in the feel of his hand in yours before he pulled away. You dust off your skirt as you turn away, trying to hide the tears falling down your face. "Sorry for wasting your time," you whimper as you walk away hurriedly.

You don't look back, no matter how much your heart begs you to. By the time you clear the forest, you're composed, face clear of any remnants of tears. As you get in your car, you look in the mirror, finding your eyes void of any emotion.

Cranking up your car, you start the trek home, not a single thought on your mind.

♡♡♡♡

You're in your bedroom sitting at your vanity. You haven't moved from this spot since you arrived, which had been over an hour ago. When you had gotten home, the house was empty as usual.

Your parents were away on another one of there countless business meetings. When you were little you would always pretend that your parents were spys and that they were fighting their way back home to get back to you. That was a long time ago, back when you still held hope that your parents loved you.

Once again you were alone. The house phone had been ringing off the hook, more than likely it was your friends calling to talk to you about mundane bullshit.

Even though you had plenty of friends you still felt alone. No one ever checked on your well-being or ever asked if you were okay. Not even your so-called best friend.

"Finally," you had thought. You had thought that finally, you would have someone who would care for you and love you unconditionally.

Love— you couldn't remember anyone ever telling you they loved you. A humorless laugh escaped you as you stared in the mirror. Your eyes were red-rimmed and swollen from crying. ''Fuck this,'' you thought bitterly.

Who does he think he is turning you of all people down? He should've been thanking God the moment you told him. You grabbed the whiskey bottle and turned it up angrily. Your dad's liquor cabinet in his office was never locked and was always easy to access.

Usually, you never touched the stuff but today would be an exception. You also had raided your mom's bathroom cabinet. She had a variety of pills to choose from, so you just chose the bottle with the highest dose.

Between the liquor and the pills, you were feeling pretty good. You felt numb and disassociated from it all. Nothing mattered to you at this point, not even yourself. It was at that moment that you had an epiphany. You knew exactly what you needed to do, you just hoped you had the guts to see it through.

♡♡♡♡

Eddie sat in his room, staring up at his ceiling. Usually, he would be practicing a new song with his guitar or writing material for a new DND campaign. He didn't feel like doing anything at the moment.

He felt horrible about the way he had treated y/n. He hadn't intended to come off so cruel but a love confession was the last thing he had expected from someone like you.

It was true that you weren't his type but that didn't mean he wasn't attracted to you. Any man worth his salt would be, he just wanted someone with a little more substance.

Plus the fact he hated your kind. Rich, popular, good grades, and loved by all. You had everything, while he had nothing. He would be damned if he would be added to the list of things that you wanted and eventually got.

But with all of that said, it couldn't stop the nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach. Had he made a mistake? Maybe he should've given you a chance to explain yourself.

He had liked the person you were before you got popular. You were a shy and nervous little thing, alway smiling even though it never seemed to reach your eyes.

He sat up, rubbed the back of his head deep in thought. There was no sense in worrying about it now, what's done is done. Plus he was starting to get a headache from the constant thinking.

As he headed towards the kitchen, the ringing of the phone caught his attention. "Munson residence," he answered with a southern drawl.

Sniffles and whimpering could be heard through the phone "hello, who is this?" he said instantly worriedly.

"Is this Eddie?" a female's small voice replied on the other line.

"Yeah it is, is everything okay, is this y/n?" Eddie recognized your voice instantly.

"No, it's not. I thought that I could do this, I can't pretend anymore," you murmured.

"You can't do what anymore? What's going on y/n, talk to me please!" Chills began to run down his back as understanding started to dawn on him. He felt physically ill.

"I really did love you, ya know? I know it's hard to believe but I really did even though I tried not to. I tried so hard not to," You continued to ramble on incoherently not responding to him, only talking at him

"Y/N, what's your address huh? I'm coming now," he said. He slipped on his shoes and jacket, turning around quickly he jotted down your address before hanging up the phone and rushing out the door.

He hoped that it wasn't too late by the time he made it, he wouldn't be able to live with himself if something happened to you because of him.

♡♡♡♡

The first thing he noticed as he screeched into your neighborhood was how pristine it was. The hedges and lawns were immaculate and all the homes were at least two stories. "Of course," he thought bitterly

He turned into your driveway right beside your car, it seemed that no one else was home besides you. He hurried out of his car, running up the steps, and banged loudly on the front door. He peered into the windows noting that all the lights were off except for a bedroom upstairs.

After a moment had passed he cautiously opened the door and stepped inside. "Y/N, it's Eddie," he called out loudly. No one stirred within the home. He walked through the dark halls towards the only source of light upstairs.

Decorative paintings lined the wall and pieces of art sat perfectly atop expensive furniture. A shiver ran down his back, even though the house was beautiful, it felt cold and unwelcoming.

As he reached the top of the stairs he saw a light coming from under the door at the end of the hall. Seriously, he hoped you were okay but he was scared out of his fucking mind right now. He loved horror movies as much as the next guy but this was too damn much.

"Y/N," he yelled again softly as he walked up to the door. Your lack of response was adding to the feeling of terror right now.

He pushed the door open slightly, sticking his head partially through the door. It seemed to be your room as he noted Ji the light blue decor but you weren't in it. As he turned to the left, he noticed you standing behind the door holding a vase above your head.

"Hi Eddie," you whispered, your eyes looked dull and unbalanced. Your face was the last thing he saw before everything faded to black.

♡♡♡♡

You huffed out of breath as you finally managed to get Eddie's body onto your bed. Honestly, it was the hardest fucking thing you've ever had to do but years of cheer practice and exercise helped a lot.

You had tied him to your bed with some rope you'd gotten from the garage. Thanks to girl scouts, the knot you tied him in, he wouldnt be going anywhere.

As you sat on the bed beside him, you took this moment to admire him up close. His lashes fluttered softly over his pale skin, you noticed that he had tiny light freckles scattered across his nose.

Your hands ruffled through his soft curls. They were slightly frizzy but still curly and defined nonetheless. You moved from his hair to caress the side of his face. He stirred a little and you held your breath.

You didn't want him to wake up just yet. He looked so peaceful right now and you knew that as soon as he woke up, all hell would break loose. You leaned forward and laid a light kiss on his plush lips.

Your first kiss you thought dreamily. Contrary to what everyone believed, you were a virgin. Never had been kissed until now.

You always knew that you wanted Eddie to be your first. Your first love, first kiss, and your first time, albeit wasn't supposed to happen this way but destiny had a way of working itself out.

Eddie began to toss and turn, mumbling as he came to. You stood up, moving from the bed and waited patiently for him to wake. You wanted this to go as smoothly as possible, it had to.

He opened his eyes slowly in confusion. At first, he thought he was still at home in his bed and had dozed off. As he tried to move his arms he discovered that they were tied to a bed, by his sides. There was only enough slack so he could raise them to hover above his hips.

Fear seized his chest, panic began to brew in his stomach as he realized the severity of his situation. "Help!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. "Somebody, help me!"

A movement in the corner caught his attention, and that's when he saw you. "Oh my God Y/N, you gotta help me, please!" he cried out twisting towards you.

You stood there perplexed, it seemed that his mind had forgotten the events leading up to you knocking him out. "I can't do that Eddie," you stated softly. You walked over to your queen-sized bed, resting your hand on his knee.

He jerked away from you "why the fuck not!" he spat angrily.

You remained quiet, staring at him expectantly.

Suddenly, it dawned on him. You weren't going to let him go because you had done this. You had lured him here! The last thing he could remember was seeing your face before getting hit with something hard.

"Jesus Christ, what the fuck! Let me go you crazy bitch!" his voice raised several octaves in irate fear. His head unexpectedly snapped to the left, his cheek felt like it was on fire.

"Don't call me that, ever," she said, her voice low and laced with threat. Instantly her demeanor changed and her face was replaced with a sweet, concerned look. Her manicured hand stroked your cheek softly as she cooed.

"I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean to do that," she whispered. What was worse was that when you looked into her eyes, you actually believed her.

"What do you want from me?" You lifted your chin defiantly. She may have had you at a disadvantage but you refused to lose hope.

"It's simple baby— I want you, Eddie. That's all I've ever wanted," she replied with a small smile.

Your jaw dropped, "Was she serious? Did she kidnap you because she wanted to be with you?" you thought silently. Fear like you'd never known coursed through you. You were more scared than when you battled the Demobats in the upside down.

At least then you had your friends to help you. You were alone now, no one knew where you were and you hadn't left a note for your uncle or anything. You had to face the facts that this didn't look good.

You sat as you waited for him to come to terms with his situation. A series of emotions flashed through his big expressive brown eyes. Drops of unfallen tears dangled from his long lashes.

Your heart ached to comfort him but you knew he wasn't ready yet. His gaze finally turned towards yours with a determined look. He opened his mouth and began to scream. Your ears rang as he yelled and yelled for what felt like forever.

After a while he eventually stopped, he was exhausted and his voice felt hoarse.

"Are you done," you said after he had calmed down. "The rooms in this house are soundproof," you explained. "Plus even if they weren't, no one is here, nobody ever is." He shook his head before throwing his head back onto the pillow with a groan.

"Careful," you chided as you reached for him. You had treated the wounds on the back of his head thoroughly, he wouldn't have any bleeding as long as he was careful. "I don't want you to start bleeding," you explained as you peered at the bandages.

Eddie stared at you like you had two heads. How could you pretend to care about an injury you had caused in the first place? He shook his head "what's your endgame?" He needed to know where your head was at. Would you kill him no matter what or did he have a chance to survive this?

"It's simple, Eddie. Just love me and don't ever leave me," you whispered. You stood up from the bed and began to remove your clothes unhurriedly. Once you were done you stood in front of him unashamed, letting him gape at your body.

He could pretend all he wanted, the body could never lie and his body definitely wanted you. You leaned over him, keeping eye contact as you unbuckled his pants. You went to the foot of the bed and pulled his jeans off ungracefully.

Your breath hitched as you looked at the outline of his cock straining through his boxers. You climbed onto the bed beside him and he twisted away from you. "Don't touch me," he bit out.

You didn't seem to hear him, your eyes had glazed over as you stared at him in a trance. Suddenly you pulled off his boxers, throwing them across the room, leaving him in just his shirt and socks.

Minutes went by as you stared at him unabashedly, your eyes darting from his face to his cock and anywhere else that showed skin.

"You're so beautiful, Eddie," she murmured, peering up at you beneath her lashes. You could see the love shining in her eyes. Why was your heart beating so fast? Were you scared or something else? You held your breath as she leaned closer and closer to your cock.

Heat flushed through you as you grabbed him. A low moan immediately left his lips, making your head snap towards his. An embarrassed blush spread across his beautiful face as he turned his head trying to hide his face from you.

You could feel yourself getting wet at the sight of him. His cock was lengthy and had a heavy weight to it. Your mouth watered as you admired the veins that ran along the sides stopping underneath the head. Your hand fit perfectly around him, like he was made just for you.

Slowly you lowered your head taking him into your mouth. He bucked against you as he strained against the ropes. The taste was salty but not unpleasant. He tasted exactly as you expected him to, it was something you could definitely get used to.

You pulled back and peeked up at him. His eyes were trained on you watching your every move. It felt like this was your moment to prove yourself. Like the biggest audition for the best position.

You licked your hand and wrapped it around his base and pumped slowly. Your eyes never left his as you licked his mushroom head slowly, lathing it with your tongue. You silently thanked your friend Jessica for telling you about her sex trysts, without her you would've been clueless.

He bit his lip as he tried to contain his moans, he didn't want to give you the satisfaction of breaking him. He threw his head back and closed his eyes, trying to think or imagine something else.

You noticed his eyes were closed and decided to up the ante. With an inhale through your nose you pushed the rest of his length down your throat, gagging in the process.

A high unadulterated moan left his lips at that and he tilted his head back to you with hooded eyes. You bobbed your head as you felt your throat clench around him. You lifted your head completely from his cock before diving back down again.

You dragged your tongue along him as you lifted up, swirling around his tip before going back down again repeatedly. As you came back up you replaced your mouth with your hand.

Small pants left his mouth as he regarded you. So many emotions were etched across his features that it would take days to decipher them. You slowly scooted down to the foot of the bed and pushed his legs apart. For once he didn't resist, only watching with those vast eyes.

Taking your eyes from his, you lowered your gaze down his body to his balls. They were heavy looking with a line down the middle. You leaned onto your stomach and took one into your mouth sucking gently.

His reaction was instant "Jesus H Christ," he cried out in pleasure. He lifted himself slightly, straining against the ropes again. His wrists would be bruised later.

You caressed him with your lips and tongue leaving no spot untouched. You switched to the other side showing them equal attention as your hand still pumped him languidly.

"Fuck, I'm gonna cum," he muttered. You released his sack from your mouth with a pop and took his cock down your throat again. You hummed as you felt spurts of cum shoot into your mouth.

You loved the noises he made, the space between your legs was soaked and swollen with need. He began to wine as you continued sucking his sensitive cock.

You smiled up at him as you ease your way up his body. He was completely relaxed, gusts of breath came and went as he tried to catch his breath.

You straddled him, pressing your center onto his softening length. Even though he had just come, he still felt heavenly. A sigh left you as you began to rock back and forth. Your clit twitched as you rubbed yourself against the entire length of him, coating him in your fluids.

"Oh Eddie," you moan brokenly. Your hands fly up to twist and pinch at your nipples, rolling them until they were hardened peaks. You began to move faster as you catch his eye.

It feels like your heart is in your throat as he watches you rub yourself on him. "Do you feel what you do to me, Eddie? Feels so good, I'm so wet," you frown in concentration as your climax starts to build.

He nods his head yes, it's small but you saw it nonetheless. He's hard again and wet from the slick gushing from you. He throws his head back with a pained groan, the wound on his head still sensitive.

"Fuck," he mumbles, his words are low and drawn out. He doesn't want this, he chants those words over and over in his head as his hips grind up into yours.

He ogles your body, shame and pleasure at the forefront of his mind. He feels weak and vulnerable, but he also has never felt more alive. He's not a virgin by any means but it's never been like this. Nobody has ever responded to him like this and he isn't even in you yet! He's never been more turned on in his life and he hates himself for it.

You tilt your head back bracing your hands Aon his knees and thrusting your chest outward as you roll your hips. Your body jolts as your orgasm hits you unexpectedly. A sob escapes you as your core clenches around nothing as you cum.

Heavy pants leave your mouth as you try to catch your breath. With a sigh, you fall forward onto his broad chest. You focus on the sound of his heart. Its beat is fast and wild, thumping crazily behind his chest. "Eddie," you whine as he thrusts his throbbing cock against your sensitive clit.

A sly smile graces your lips as you lift your head resting your chin on his chest. "Someone's anxious," you chuckle as you trace the outline of his chest through his Hellfire shirt.

He turns red from head to toe, thoroughly ashamed. "It's okay baby— we're soulmates, meant to be. You wouldn't be able to fight it even if you wanted to," your voice is sweet and full of emotion.

Lifting your hips slightly, you slide down his length achingly slow. You're not even halfway down when you feel his tip meet resistance. You bite your lip, clutching at his chest as you push past it until you're deep-seated on his cock.

Pain ricochets through you making you whimper. You hold yourself still as you allow yourself to get used to him inside of you. Eventually, the pain gives way to a dull ache.

You rise slowly and drop back down with a smile. His chest rises and falls rapidly as you repeat the motion a few times. "She's so pretty like this," he thinks to himself. The pleasure he's feeling has his brain fuzzy, any and everything is running through his mind right now.

A low moan leaves his lips as you roll your hips sensuously against his. Your face twists with pleasure as your wet clit rubs against his patch of curls.

Unable to hold back, he snaps his hips up into your's earning a gasp from you. A small smirk frames his lips as he keeps up the momentum. "Fuck yeah," he rasps as he fucks into your wet cunt.

"Ed's, I'm going to cum," you sob as you bounce on his cock, holding onto him for dear life. Your eyes are on him as his gaze bounces back and forth from your face to your breasts bouncing and the thrusts of his cock into your cunt.

Every time you slam down onto him, the curly patch of hair at his base creates the perfect friction on your sensitive bud.

A gasp leaves you and your mouth hangs open as your climax hits its peak. Your bones turn to jelly as heat flows through your entire body making your toes curl.

"Fuck Y/n, so wet," he exclaims feeling your walls contract around him as you cum. Eddie follows behind you as he cums with a shout. Your name falls from his lips as his cock paints your walls white in spurts. Your walls continue to clench around him from the after-waves of your orgasm.

You lean forward again, resting your head on his shoulder. A yawn slips from your lips, sleep threatening to take hold of you. Sleep is the last thing that you want, you wish that this moment could last forever.

"So handsome," you think silently for the thousandth time tonight. Your faces are inches apart as you stare at his full lips. You hold your breath as you lean toward him. Your lips meet his cheek as he turns his head defiantly.

Rage flares through you as your heart breaks from his rejection. "Why won't you just love me!" you scream as tears streak down your face. You know you look unhinged right now but you're too hurt to care.

He shrinks back in fear, his eyes are big and wet, trying to desperately hold back his tears. "Oh God, is this how I die? Taken out by the captain of the cheerleading squad?" He would laugh if he wasn't scared out of his fucking mind. "C'mon, man up and be brave," he tells himself silently.

"He's scared of you. After all that, it still isn't enough," you think solemnly. You lean your forehead against his temple and kiss his cheek gently. "I'm sorry," you tell him softly.

You lean back from him and turn his head towards yours. "I didn't mean to scare you. I just— I want us to work so bad." You sniffle as you attempt to wipe the tears from your cheeks.

"Why do you want me? Why do you love me so much, when you could have anyone you want?" he asks, his voice low and raspy.

You slide off of him letting his member slip from you slowly. He hisses from the contact of the cool air. Hurriedly you throw the comforter over you two as you snuggle into him.

Just as he thinks that you aren't going to answer, you reply "I know you think I have it all Eddie, and in a way I do." "I'm popular, pretty, and rich, the world is mine for the taking."

You look at Eddie, seeing that his face is hard with resentment. A bitter laugh tumbles from you "yeah I would hate me too."

You shake your head sadly "no one has ever told me they love me, not ever." "From as early as I can remember my parents were never here. If they were here it was always brief and then they would leave me with a nanny who saw me as only a job."

Your fingers play with the light patch of curls on his chest. "You were the only person to show any type of care towards me. Every day after school you would sit with me and keep me company, you never left until you were certain that I was safe."

You tilted your head to look up at him "with you I never felt alone," you whispered, a glowing smile spread across your face. "You're my light in this sea of darkness, even though we don't talk, just seeing you and being near you is enough to keep me afloat."

He didn't pull away as you slipped your fingers through his fingers "I love you, Eddie. I love that your heart is big and pure, even with all the Hell this town has put you through. I love how your unapologetically you and you don't give a shit who likes it or not. You're a good person Eddie, regardless of what these shitty hicks think of you and even though I don't deserve you, I love you anyways."

Your lashes flutter as you feel yourself dozing off. For the first time in your life, you feel safe, you're not alone anymore. "Finally, you have someone who would love you," you think as you drift off to sleep.

For the first time in his life, Eddie is stunned speechless. He never would have guessed the depths your love held for him. If he was honest with himself, besides his Uncle Wayne, no one had ever told him that they loved him either. He could sympathize with you on that.

Maybe he judged you too harshly, maybe he should've given you a chance. Was this really his fate, destined to be chained to you for the rest of his life? He desired and despised the feeling. He fell into a fitful sleep, where even in his dreams he couldn't escape you and he wasn't even sure if he wanted to.

♡♡♡♡

349 notes · View notes

borderlineacademia · 2 years

Text

ok the Haywoods being Black is so important to me and important to the plot but have we talked about just How Important that is? yes the obvious line of plot (them being exploited etc.) but also very specifically their mannerisms????

ive seen the headcanon circling around that OJ is autistic. im not gonna say no he isnt, because everyone is entitled to that opinion... but like... your evidence isnt evidencing because the traits youre saying he has because hes autistic seem to be a lot more because he’s Black. specifically a dark skinned Black man. ALSO WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS HIS SISTER.

bell hooks wrote about the history and generational trauma when it comes to Black people and gaze. google is free. HOWEVER I want us to remember (with this fucked up ass movie coming out) why was Emmett Till brutally murdered? because he looked. when I was growing up I would get smacked by my mom if i got caught staring at someone. in any context. if I hold eye contact while expressing boundaries to any white person, my doing so would be seen as an act of malice. not because of my tone or anything (im neurodivergent I am so aware of my tone at all times) but because im making eye contact. also, because of slavery and the generational trauma that has still made its way into parenting tactics today, Black people are always respectful. always. we were raised that way. so it only makes SENSE that OJ is avoiding eye contacting the he is spared by jean jacket (and they even were able to coexist) was because he respected her. he respected that she was the predator and her space.

ANOTHER THING that I've noticed is that Black boys with good relationships with their sisters exhibit a very specific set of mannerisms that OJ executes perfectly. the gentle reminders, conveying intensity with the smallest of gestures. he doesnt need to tell her he loves her for us to get that. hes her biggest supporter and at the end of the day she knows she can count on him; hes her family.

ALSO (I have so many thoughts on this movie) someone on here said that they are doing the things you tell the main protagonists in like “normal” horror movies not to do and you keep rooting for them. and if I remember correctly they say it’s because u understand their motivation behind it, but like low-key high key, I think a big part of why you root for them is because they’re Black. Jordan peele said multiple times that the reason the movie is called nope is because that how Black people behave in horror movies (not midsommar tho but tbh I blame white academia for that one) we say nope and we run. and so this idea of not doing that is so (not necessarily) abnormal (but that’s the only word that came to mind), that you cant help but root for them.

tldr: I love when Black people make shit for Black people.

#nope #nope 2022 #nope movie #jordan peele #nope spoilers

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phoenixkaptain · 1 year

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Have you ever noticed that while we have a bunch of evidence that William explicitly told Elizabeth not to go near the Circus Baby animatronic, and the implication of the lines is that he said this multiple times and was very insistent on it, and the Fredbear plush (no matter who you think is speaking through it) told the Crying Child not to go near the animatronics in general, the lines here also suggest that it has given this advice multiple times, we don’t actually have any evidence that Michael was ever told not to go near any of the animatronics?

In fact, in regard to Michael, the only evidence we do have is Michael being explicitly told to go mess around with animatronics. “It was right where you said it would be.” “I put her back together, just like you asked me to.” These both tell us that 1. Unlike the other children, Michael was not only encouraged to go hang out with animatronics but was also encouraged to go mess around with animatronics and 2. Michael’s tone of speaking could imply that this is the first time he’s been told to go mess around with animatronics.

Now, I’m not saying that William, from the very start, took a baby Michael and just handed him over to Fredbear without worrying about it, but I do think William tried to get Michael invested in some aspect of the business. I believe this because Michael’s the oldest son. And while Utah doesn’t have heir apparent to the family title, it did, back in the seventies and eighties, have a common idea that young men should follow in their fathers’ footsteps. Or, at the very least, the oldest son should bond with his father through a shared knowledge of the father’s job.

This was exceptionally common everywhere, but especially in Utah, where the people have always been (as we will diplomatically call it) traditional.

(But, of course, the Aftons probably are not originally from Utah. That doesn’t actually have much of a sway in form of argument in this particular case, because Mormons have a long history of outcasting people they considered “other.” If you smoked, if you drank to excessively, if you didn’t go to church, if you did go to church but not the “correct” way (I have no fucking clue what the correct way is, I only know that I, personally, did not do it correctly as a four-year-old, I know, baffles the mind), you were other and therefore, nobody would speak to you. And, more importantly to my case, nobody would go to your business.

William, being the one who spoke to more people (if we trust the books) had to at least play at being charmingly British enough that his neighbours wouldn’t think he’s a bad person. In fact, they would probably accept that he doesn’t want to go to church if he just used being from another country to get out of it (but they would probably suggest it everytime he spoke to them anyway) but William would have to fit in in other ways so he didn’t come across as too other. Enter Michael.

His relationship with Michael, if it mimicked the common relationship of father-and-son at the time, would be enough to charm people into believing he’s a family man and going to his diner anyway. Having three children was already going to boost people’s opinions of him, but if, on top of that, his oldest son “helped” with animatronics or paperwork or even if he just occasionally wiped tables, that would add more to the public image of the business being a family operation, just this one included two families.)

Admittedly, we don’t know much about how Michael acts. But, since it’s a similar case to Ethan Winters from the Resident Evil series (1. Both first person. 2. Both keeping the face out of view from the viewer, even going as far as obscuring mirrors or leaving mirrors out entirely. 3. Both of them get taken over by an outside entity (Ennard and Mold, respectively). 4. Both seem to do incredibly stupid things (“I think I’ll go see my wife in this ominous house I was given the address to multiple years after her disappearane and assumed death. I want my dearest darlingest baby girl back so I am going to fight hell monsters with whatever weapons aren’t nailed down and if I have to fight a god, then I guess I have to fight a god. I inexplicably know how to put together a functioning flamethrower.” “Well, Dad told me to go down in his weird undergroudn bunker that he keeps behind the house where my sister who has been missing for some amount of time is apparently hanging out, so I guess I’ll head down there on the nightly.” “I will not make any noise of complaint or annoyance or fear or even pain as I am inconvenienced and hurt and even murdered.” “I inexplicably consider being used as a flesh suit by the possessed wires of multiple animatronics a win because I’m pretty sure my sister was in there somewhere, so great news, Old Man, I’ve succeeded in the task.”) 5. I like comparing media that technically is very different but is similar in key ways and that’s what I’m currently doing. Shh, go with it, my child, go with it) I’m going to assume that Michael’s face does the same thing Ethan’s does. As in, if you wait long enough, even in situations where Ethan should reasonably be terrified, he just looks sort of like he’s wondering if he left the oven on. I like to think that’s how Michael’s face looks. Like: “Oh no, Ballora could catch me at any moment and kill me! …I wonder if that bird I saw last week is having any luck finding worms? It’s been a bit of a dry year.”

Michael certainly seems determined, but he only seems determined if we assume that he’s in more than one game. Like, if we think Michael isn’t the guy running the pizzeria in Pizzeria Simulator, then Michael said “I’m going to come find you” to his father and didn’t do anything? If we assume he isn’t the nightguard of the first game, if we assume he isn’t the second nightguard in the second game, if we assume he is only the protagonist of Sister Location, then Michael is the funniest character of all time. Because he literally said “Father, I am going to come find you” and then went back inside and enjoyed a quiet life? Maybe he did look around but didn’t go to any of the obvious places, the restaurants his father worked and killed at? Maybe he knew exactly where William was and just said “Ah, fock it, I’m going back to my tele-novella, tell me when you’re dead, Father.” It also makes William screaming for Michael a lot funnier because oh my God, William, do you think he’ll just teleport there?

(Sorry, that was a tangent. I saw someone complain about the night guards all being the same person or related to the events of the game in some way and it kind of annoyed me. “Why must they be the same person?” you ask? Because that’s just basic storytelling. The characters have to be related to the plot in some way, or the storytelling is nonexistent. And besides, from a narrative perspective, it makes a more satisfying story if Michael is the night guard of at least one location, because it means that Michael isn’t the stupidest man alive. He’s looking for his father. If I was in Michael Afton’s shoes, looking for my father who I knew was a tad obsessive about robots, I would go to the robot restaurant. It makes sense. (I’m sorry, I went on a tangent within my apology for going on a tangent. I will get back to the actual point now.))

We know that William told Elizabeth not to go near animatronics (or at least not to go near one animatronic). We know that someone told the Crying Child not to go near any animatronics. But we don’t have any evidence that Michael was ever told any of the animatronics were dangerous. In fact, evidence suggests that he was not only told to hang around animatronics, but he’s basically used to them. He finds his brother’s fear of animatronics amusing, which, to me, suggests that he finds the animatronics to be the opposite of scary. It suggests that he’s around them enough (because apparently Crying Child and Michael just hung out at the robot restaurant nearly every day of their lives, for some reason) that he’s either ignored any warnings that they’re dangerous or he was never told they could be dangerous in the first place.

Why does any of this matter?

Because I am sick and tired of people complaining about Michael killing his brother. They say it makes him an asshole big brother, I’ve seen some suggest it makes him just like his father, and I respectfully disagree. Michael is certainly not winning any Brother of the Year awards, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t find his relationship with his brother to be unrealistically cruel.

Michael doesn’t hurt his brother. He only scares him. That’s his entire goal. He’s a dick, yes, but he doesn’t seem to actively pursue harmjng his little brother.

Michael was never told the animatronics were dangerous. Michael was never told to stay away from them, and even if he was, it wasn’t terribly convincing. (“Son, the robot performers are super duper dangerous and you should never ever not once go near any of them. Now, here’s a dollar, go play near the robot performers.”)

Michael, if anything, is trying to get his brother to see that he’s overreacting. He’s trying to prove that they aren’t dangerous. He’s trying to show his brother that the animatronics won’t hurt him. He’s making fun of his brother, yes, but the fact that he gets him so close to the stage and goes so far as to put his head in Fredbear’s mouth tells me that he was basically doing something similar to shoving a worm in someone’s face. He was trying to scare him, yes, but then his brother would, we assume, see that nothing happened and would be shaken, but ultimately admit that Michael was right, the animatronics aren’t dangerous.

This, obviously, isn’t what happens. But I’m pretty sure Michael didn’t purposefully kill his brother and I’m even more sure that he wasn’t even trying to hurt him.

I have three older brothers. And, it was a similar situation in that the four of us were left to watch each other a lot while our parents were at work. And while I know my brothers are not the mold for all brothers, I also know that there’s a reason people talk about the “Cain Instinct.” Boys roughhouse. And, while not actively encouraged in Utah, it’s certainly not discouraged either.

Michael was being a dick, yes. But, the behaviour is similar to a child who doesn’t think that guns are dangerous, whether because they’re not told or because they’re left unsupervised with access to guns. This sort of incident is not without precedent. And while it was certainly stupid, Michael didn’t do anything that a dumb big brother wouldn’t do.

#fnaf #five nights at freddy's #michael afton #crying child #cc afton #i like when people call him cc #it’s technically a name or at least a nickname #but also it sounds like a band #‘up next: cc afton and spectacular sea otters’#somethin like that #anyway #do i think michael afton is a bad brother?#no #do i think he’s a dumb kid?#yes #i don’t think michael did anything morally objectionable #in fact i’m gonna say it #i don’t think michael did anything wrong #he was effectively smearing mud on a germaphobe #he was being a dick #but he was also being a brother #there’s a reason bothers and brothers are only a letter apart #and it’s because brothers r bothers #the inane ramblings of a madman #long post #can you believe this post was just gonna be a little thing #haha like i can make an essay under five paragraphs long

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andreal831 · 3 months

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If you were to rewrite Jackson, would you still implement the love triangle? If so, would you make it more of an unrequited love or would you truly explore Jayley? If not, what type of role would you have him play?

TGW outtake suggestion:

In chapter 30 (I think) it mentioned Elijah never called Hayley for her birthday, and knowing Elijah, he’d probably feel guilty about this. So I’m thinking this could start from the dinner Hayley, Elijah, and astra we’re having together and at the end of the dinner, Elijah pulls astra aside and tells her that he wants to plan this whole day out as a surprise to celebrate her birthday. Then the next day could be them doing all sorts of activities and Elijah giving her some sort of expensive gift or something.

That explanation sucked, basically just Elijah plans a day to celebrate Hayley’s birthday because he feels guilty that he missed it.

If I was the writer from the beginning, I would have gotten rid of any love triangles. I've said it before, I don't like them. They are unnecessarily messy. Especially in a show like TO where the plot is so heavy. It worked better in TVD because the show centered more around the relationships. Most of the enemies were part of the romantic drama. But TO was focused on family and the enemies were typically after power or revenge. There wasn't time for messy relationship drama. I would have preferred for the show to have established relationships that could have been partners/supported each other throughout the show.

I've loved Nathan Parsons since before TO even existed so I was so excited to see him in TO. Fun fact, he was one of my first male crushes. I was then super disappointed to see his character be so underutilized and underdeveloped. I would have introduced him as alpha of the pack without the arranged marriage. I know many cultures have arranged marriages and that is great as long as everyone wants it. Hayley was not comfortable with it and said it multiple times. I hated that the show just kept going down that path and introduced the arranged marriage again in season 2 just under a different name, the "unification." If I was in charge, the women would have much more autonomy in the show.

I would have kept the warring family idea and even had Jackson be warry of Hayley's sudden appearance. This girl who is supposedly the long-lost "princess" of the pack shows up, pregnant by their enemies, and living with the Mikaelsons. Hayley would have had to earn his respect as well as the packs, but once she did, he would teach her the pack's history. I would also make him a better alpha. I don't think I would make him more politically minded because I would have played more into the fact that he has spent his entire adult life as a wolf because of the curse. He would have leaned on Hayley who naturally seemed to know how to make allies with the other factions. Instead of a marriage to fix the rift in the pack, Jackson and Hayley would have created a bond based on mutual respect and love for the pack. They would have introduced the idea of co-alphas without needing it to be romantic or sexual.

I hate when shows can't allow opposite gender individuals to just work together without it being romantic or sexual. I love a good friendship. That is one of my biggest complaints about TVDU. It created such great friendships but instead of developing them, it focused on the romantic drama. The friendships/found families in New Orleans were what was going to save it from war. You have Marcel and Davina, Vincent and Cami, Cami and Marcel, Vincent and Freya, etc. These bonds that transcended the factions was what saved them over and over. But the wolves are left out of that since, after Jackson died Hayley basically forgot about the pack. They could have done it with Eve, but she died to early. It would have been nice to see Jackson forming those bonds with the other factions, starting with Hayley.

I wouldn't do an unrequited love storyline. These always just make me sad. I know it happens in real life but that's why I love fiction, I don't need to add any unnecessary pain that way (I know that's ironic coming from me). If I did explore Jayley, I would have actually shown them developing feelings for each other. Show Hayley being torn between her feelings. And then shown that even if you love someone and try to make it work, for various reasons, it may not. This doesn't mean it was bad or one of the partners was "evil." In real life, relationships don't work out, it doesn't make the relationship any less important or impactful.

I truly do think Jackson deserved better from the writers. This is why *spoilers for my story, The Great War* I had jayley end the way they did. It was on Jackson's terms. I know some people thought it was out of character, and maybe it was for the show, but that's the point. Jackson is supposed to be a strong leader, yet he couldn't stand up for himself in the show. He gave Hayley ultimatums instead of setting boundaries and then just left when it got hard. They needed to have a real conversation. So in my story, when they did have this real conversation, they realized they were never going to get what they wanted out of the relationship. Jackson deserved to be able to set his boundaries and get away from the Mikaelsons. He deserved to have a love that isn't forced or manipulated. It's why I didn't kill him. I hated that so many characters were sacrificed just to push certain ships or push the Mikaelson story forward (RIP Gia).

I have already written an outtake for chapter 30 but I do love this idea. And y'all know I love writing haylijah. I'm not sure when I'll get it done but I will definitely write this!

Thanks for the ask and the suggestion!

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dnangelic · 5 months

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IM DONE WITH THE FIRST LN..... it was rlly cute and idk how much i trust my summarizing skills (or google translate wheelchairing me thru everything) but ill try, disclaimer that not all of this will necessarily be in perfect detail or order bc i'm horrible at that but it's a gist(tm). LNs take place really early on in the series so daisuke still likes risa and hasn't properly figured out he likes riku yet, dark is WAAAAY more of a creep, etc. also putting it under a read more because it's enormous. open at your own discretion, this is ~200 pages condensed into one post

first few chapters is mostly shenanigans/general chara introductions and setting up the fact daisuke's class is doing a sleeping beauty school play. risa's the princess, hiwatari's the prince, daisuke and riku are basically fairy extras, but daisuke is also the last fairy with important lines that basically help to wake up the princess in the end. in the midst of all this daisuke transforms a couple of times but mostly keeps control of his body, clumsy gap moe darksuke stuff ensues, dark in his head even tells dai to go have some fun and daisuke snaps back that fun for dark is either stealing or flirting with girls and he's NOT doing any of that. 😂

daisuke kind of huffs and mopes about what's going on between him and dark a bunch, with dark 'stealing' risa away from him and simultaneously taking over his entire life, to which emiko offers to listen but daiki tells her that 'a confrontation with dark is a confrontation with oneself' and 'there's nothing you can do.' there's also this very nice passage about dark and his relationship with the artworks that happens:

daisuke was looking at the weathervane spinning on the roof of a certain western-style building. there are many buildings like this, which have both a profound sense of history and delicate beauty in the area where daisuke lives. as his mother once said, the townscape was perfect for a gorgeous phantom thief. these are precious objects that survived an era when art in general was treated badly by the rapid development of science and technology, and the people who used it. as works of art and the techniques used to create them were lost, their rarity value and prices soared, and now they were treated with more respect than before. daisuke had heard stories like this from his grandfather and mother. most of what dark aims for is something imbued with that lost technique. however, these items are not sold and are still sleeping in the basement of the niwa family's house. high tech is progressing in areas that can't be seen, and efforts are being made to prevent intrusions by unscrupulous people. ironically, the same science and technology that eliminated traditional crafts and their techniques are now being used to protect what little beauty and skill that remains. for daisuke, who transformed into dark, breaking through multiple security devices and traps to steal wasn't difficult to do. but how to earn the heart of the one he loved?

daisuke also misses kosuke (his dad) a whole bunch cause he isn't home yet and is still on a trip (he doesn't even know what his dad is really doing,) cue this portion too about his personal anxieties. interesting bits about how daisuke's family doesn't mind how daisuke does at school/goes as long as he prioritizes his skills as a phantom thief because a certain level of educational mastery is needed. daisuke wonders to himself whether or not his mom and grandpa would 'cry again if he asked them to be sensible' lmao.

anyways, emiko pulls out a couple of date tickets to a newly built aquarium/museum called the aqua dome/deep blue, says she'll pick out a cute and cool outfit for daisuke, dark offers to go in daisuke's stead, daisuke tells both of them to shut up and says that he can do it all himself. 'i'll never let you go!' he tells dark. at the aquarium itself it turns out the two tickets that emiko gave him provides admittance for two people per single ticket, so even though he expected a solo date with risa, riku and saehara show up too.

riku actually gets a lot of character focus for being 'strong' and not 'cute' like risa. she's simultaneously insecure/jealous but considerate of risa while risa likewise complains that no matter what she does, she'll still be the younger one with an older sister, and that can't change. riku's sense of conflict over liking daisuke while daisuke (at this point) still likes risa is described as her feeling both a 'burning feeling' and also being 'cold and dark as ice,' which i liked, given the way dnangel usually handles that thematic.

everybody (riku, risa, daisuke, and saehara) goes to a haunted house attraction. daisuke is willing to go because he thinks it's a good chance to show off his cool side since he's a pro at walking in the dark. there's a mechanical 'killer' that chases anybody in the haunted house, which daisuke immediately figures out in regards to how it functions. riku and daisuke also have a sweet moment where in the pitch dark daisuke starts shaking because he's terrified he's suddenly transformed, (he didn't) and gets misunderstood for constantly looking at the emergency exit, but riku grabs his hand and tells him everything's okay in a big sister-ly way, even though she's actually really afraid of blood and is trying to act tough to comfort/encourage him. she tells him not to be afraid because she's with him, daisuke says thanks then grabs her hand back. 'her hands, still a little smaller than the small daisuke's, stopped shaking a little.' 😭😭😭

they leave the haunted house attraction and figure out that saehara has pretty much gone off on his own. saehara comes across satoshi in a fancy suit inside an area 'modeled after some traditional opera house' (POTO REF POG) and satoshi gets described as 'some rich guy's bonbon' LMAO. wiz is also there and starts 'playing tag' with a guard. around the actual aquarium daisuke's having a great time, risa calls a sea otter cute and daisuke can't bring himself to say 'you're cuter,' which he's sure that someone like dark could have said without any embarrassment. (MY SON'S HIDDEN RIZZ!!)

daisuke finally gets to see the mermaid's tears (an artwork/red gemstones) being showcased at the bottom of the attraction, has this crazy moment:

'the reason for the "please do not lean over" warning on this fence is because the 3d light that is projected from the floor covering the mermaid's tears doubles as a sensor to detect intruders. the security device activates when the light is blocked. daisuke carefully listened as a security guard gave an explanation to two young women who were trying to touch the 3d mermaid.

that means we have to do something about security first.

reflexively thinking that, daisuke scratched his head and said 'no way, are even my thoughts turning into dark's?! i'm not going to turn into dark anymore!'

he screams internally while risa gets lost in the daydream sauce, they go to the gift shop, the great phantom dark is a broke ass middleschooler moment. all of the sudden, riku starts shouting at someone to give back risa's wallet- it's a pickpocket. daisuke's legs start moving as soon as he sees riku get pushed away and the pickpocket starts running. daisuke reminds himself he can't cause a commotion only as he's already tackling the guy, who he had absolutely no trouble catching up to/keeping up with. only, he's too small and there's no way he can compete with a grown man in strength, so he gets flung away. he stays where he is 'suppressing the urge' to throw a punch, hiwatari shows up above him sending security to catch the pickpocket, but also softly compliments daisuke for a 'great performance' while lending him a hand to stand up. turns out daisuke had stolen risa's wallet right back and still had it in his hand.

'what? ah ... ah .... '

it's obvious, after all. daisuke, holding risa's wallet in hand, could only laugh.

in fact, the split second daisuke was clinging to [the pickpocket,] he slipped the wallet out of the [pickpocket's] pocket, and just before he was hit by an elbow, he let go and fell. what he miscalculated was that he couldn't slow down enough and fell on his face. and then there was hiwatari. without him, this "perfect crime" would have been completed.

daisuke immediately starts considering satoshi and his own's circumstances.

'i once heard that people with cold hands have warm hearts. hiwatari is always alone. but is that what he wants? just like saehara, who is always chasing scoops, and like his classmates who attend cram school with their future in mind, i wonder if hiwatari is also trying to do something, at the expense of a normal, enjoyable school life. i wonder why he's going to such lengths to pursue dark.

even though i'm being chased, i have no goals. even though i'm just desperately struggling to escape from dark.

turns out deep blue if not the entire aqua dome was built Specifically with dark in mind, and that's why the area where the mermaid's tears' are is called the special exhibition room. daisuke bursts out laughing at the fact and hiwatari briefly touches him to ask if he's okay. daisuke blurts out asking if he wants to have fun too and hiwatari basically declines with nothing more than a 'faint, gentle smile' and a thank you. risa and riku rush over and start to fret over daisuke because his face has gotten all messed up; he tries to laugh it off and say 'it's no big deal' until riku's expression darkens and she asks him 'why are you being so reckless?'

even if someone asked me why, i couldn't answer because my body moved without any time to think.

(MY SON'S HIDDEN PROTAG SYNDROME!!) risa gets her wallet back and calls dai manly, dai gets rocketed into heaven just from that sole compliment. they go to the artificial beach that's part of the area, daisuke has a moment over risa and starts to transform.

daisuke ran as fast as he could, interrupting the love stories of the couples scattered on the beach. no matter how far you run, no matter how hard you run, your shadow will follow you. the strong midsummer sun gives the shadows a sense of presence. there is a clear boundary between light and shadow, but this is the opposite. what is shining is not the owner of this body, but dark, who's supposed to be a shadow...

... i'm embarrassed, pathetic, and angry because i was so excited. daisuke is always there. it's my other self who effortlessly accomplishes the things i want to do but can't.

dark walks out of the banyan forest daisuke had dived into and onto the beach like he's hot shit. unfortunately for everybody involved he is because the very first thing he does is start flirting with an icecream lady, who gives him an icecream cone 'about three times the height' of a normal ice cream cone, calling it a service. dark offers to give a picture or something in return to her btw, but she declines and only asks him to come again. dark says 'of course, i'll come to see you,' and winks swaggering off. he immediately hands off the icecream to some other girls who cling to his arms and bring up that he looks like dark, to which he has a total tony hawk moment.

'i thought i've seen you somewhere before, but don't you look like dark?' 'they look alike, it's so cool!' 'oh, did you find out? actually, i came to steal the mermaid's tears.' dark grinned, and the girls gaped for a moment, then burst out laughing. 'i almost believed it!' 'it's the truth.'

dark and risa have a moment, daisuke starts to fall into total despair. riku appears and dark hauls ass to transform back. everyone starts to leave the aqua dome because it's getting late, and it's riku and not risa who notices that daisuke is suddenly intensely depressed. he says he's fine and gives a half-hearted smile that looks like it's about to burst into tears, they fall into silence. cue a lovely image of daisuke staring blankly at the nighttime scenery. 'the image reflected in the window glass overlaps with the pitch-black town. without realizing it, he was gradually becoming darker.... daisuke couldn't escape.'

later in bed daisuke wakes up in a lot of pain to turn on the lights. he's relieved because 'instead of the beautiful phantom thief who is said to be more popular than idol celebrities, he saw a very ordinary face that is sometimes said to be cute.' turns out his back's hurting for the past few days harshly enough that he's getting sleep deprived. after transforming back from dark he fell about two meters (6~7 feet) and insists that he could have broken one or two bones if he weren't trained. emiko had laughed saying it was a product of his training, but for daisuke it wasn't any sort of laughing matter.

the pain is similar to the pain that occurs when transforming into dark. it slowly melts out from the core of the body. ugh, it hurts. it was a pain that felt like something was trying to forcibly reshape daisuke's body.

the next day at school saehara and daisuke start doing a manzai routine over wiz being caught transforming on camera. there's an ominous note in the midst of it regarding change: 'even if it transforms, then like a chrysalis, it won't go back to normal.' daisukes goes into the art room to finish on the last piece for the school play.

a forest of thorns covers sleeping beauty's castle. countless fingers that obstruct those who try to break the curse. i layered many kinds of dark colors on that forest. on her 15th birthday, sleeping beauty's future is suddenly closed to her, and her sadness is midnight blue. the thorns that cause anxiety are spruce green. the feeling of trapping despair is the same as dark's wings.

the glue made a clear shadow of daisuke on the test paper. the shadow of the brush that was creating the deep forest suddenly stopped moving.

it won't go back to normal. the curse can't be erased. i can't get those words out of my head. the only girl who can erase the curse is, of course, the only one who can see the curse itself. will i continue to be myself and no longer myself without anyone knowing?

hiwatari puts a hand on daisuke's shoulder as he's going unsteady and daisuke immediately says that he's fine, just not getting enough sleep- but also he hasn't made any progress on his homework, he has to memorize his lines, and he's being swayed by saehara. dai finally brings up that he's never really thought abut the future, and he immediately berates himself for talking about something like it in front of satoshi, who had excellent grades and was already part of the police force. hiwatari surprises him by saying 'me too, i've never though about the future. i've lived my life thinking only about one thing.' no further elaboration is given as hiwatari offers to help out and immediately picks out daisuke's coloring as 'the color of despair.'

daisuke laughed. i tried my best, but i ended up slipping up quite a bit. it's like i painted myself. like sleeping beauty, everything is taken away from her. her love, her body, even her future... she becomes dark and may never be able to return to her former self.

this might be a serious passage but daisuke comparing himself to a fairy tale princess is so funny and on point for me. YOU CAN DO THIS CHRISTINE!!! later after school emiko shows up with the entire aqua dome's cutaway floor plan, and daisuke has NO idea how she managed to get it but starts planning the heist out. everything is practically set against him; darkness is prevented, there's only one vent that's' too small to get through, and there are hidden passages not shown in the drawings. daisuke reaaally wants to stop being dark, dark himself yells NO!!! and emiko and daiki also barge out from the hallway to immediately berate him. 'don't be selfish! if you don't do it, who will? even though mother wanted to be dark, dai-chan just throws away his chance! that's terrible!'

daisuke shuts them out until they finally relent and his mother leaves him with a few last words of apology and this.

daisuke, don't blame dark for things you can't control yourself. i don't want to hear anymore about dark. daisuke covered his ears. what you're worried about now is nothing special. although it's a little different from what everyone else is having. don't be afraid. everyone notices their own carvings that they didn't know before. i'm going to go... his mother's voice did not reach daisuke.

emiko reminisces about her own mother telling her that while dark was never caught by the police and was sure that he had stolen a beautiful jewel, it was actually dark himself who had always been caught but never realized it.

several years have passed since then, and the time has come for the girl who wnated to be dark to be glad to be a girl. she meets the young man who will become daisuke's father and falls in love... the jewel in her heart shines like it's on firer. just for one person. you've already found your true treasure, right? aim for it. she imagined her son alone, waiting for the moment to take off into the great sky.

daisuke himself in the meanwhile is going thru it. he considers how his father can't be dark and wouldn't know dark, and likewise would be able to listen to daisuke's woes.

but where are you? when i woke up, my father wasn't home. that doesn't mean there were any problems, and judging from my mother's reactions, it seems like they were still passionately in love with each other. i've heard that he moves around the world for work, but i don't really know what kind of work he does. i can't believe that my father was also a thief...

...this may be the first time i've felt my father's absence so much. my mother and grandfather were enough to care for me, and even more, they always played with me when i got home. hide and seek, tag, and dogeball. survival versions with traps. ah, now that i think about it, i can only think that it was meant to help me escape when i became dark. once, when he was caught in a trap and injured, daisuke asked his grandfather, 'why do i have to do this?' now is not the time. when the young boy complained in tears, his grandfather flatly told him, ' the time will come when you understand.'

baby daisuke calls his grandpa a shitty old man (kuso jiji/くそじじ) which he apparently picked up through imitation from saehara without knowing what it meant, absolutely flooring poor daiki for a second before he decides to give daisuke a hint: 'all of this is to steal the maiden's heart.' dark pops up and he and daisuke bicker a little, which is really more like dark keeps his casual, annoyingly playful attitude while daisuke gives him a cold shoulder.

'i don't know dark. i don't even know what's going to happen to me...' ---isn't it interesting? i'm excited to see what happens. daisuke didn't have anything better to say to dark, who kept his playful tone. 'anyway, dark is special. he can do anything and knows everything.' --- ah, i've been perfect since the moment i existed in this world. but that's also boring... i need to refresh myself by playing with a pretty lady.' 'that's just a hobby, isn't it?' ---'i wouldn't say so. an unapologetic, bright voice. daisuke felt silly worrying about something like this. why did i talk to someone like dark... well, it would have been understood even if we didn't talk. dark, who seems to have fun doing everything and never takes anything seriously. while concentrating on the conversation in his mind, daisuke forgot about the pain in his body and fell asleep. ---do you know what it means to never change? daisuke couldn't hear it. dark's voice was a little serious. big deal... if you really want to win against me, you should change it. our destiny.

emiko and daiki warmly send daisuke off to school with a sports bag containing dark's clothes and some other supplies, daisuke apologizes to them in his mind and swears to himself again that he wouldn't turn into dark, which is a goal he terrifically fails as soon as the day is up thanks to riku. dark heads off to the aqua dome to finally get the heist started. cue the cool heist stuff, which i'm too lazy to transcribe the majority of rn, but trust me it's pretty cool and wiz is once again not getting paid enough for all the shit dark and dai make him do. daisuke refuses to speak throughout about half of the heist until dark cracks a joke about how 'loved' he is, and daisuke finally snaps that it's not the time to be joking and he's worried about getting caught and how he has to go to school tomorrow. (daisuke...) dark grins and brings up that daisuke finally spoke, then he immediately gets waterboarded and sent off to a different area by a flash flood. they're now stuck outside the area of their plans, daisuke starts having another moment of doomspiralling before dark tells him to quit it -

'don't think so darkly. i won't get caught.' ---where does that confidence from from...? 'where is this?' with the thumb of his tight black glove, dark pointed to his chest. 'are you that worried that you're being hijacked?' dark laughed arrogantly. 'there's no way anyone would like something like that.' daisuke felt as if his chest had been sliced open. he should have been able to feel the pain in his body right now. even though it's not there, there's still an unbearable pain. if you like and love something so much that you can't accept the growing feelings, it might be easier if they just disappeared. after all, it was my fate to be swallowed up by dark...

some more running around, risa clings to wiz-dark, saehara's somewhere in here too, you kids are crazy. at some point dark and dai start having this conversation:

inside dark, daisuke was devastated and drenched with worries. i don't want to think about anything anymore. then i'll happily take over your body and your future, just as you wish,' happily spoke a deep voice. 'and the one you like.'

daisuke remembers riku and unconsciously calls out to dark, who tells him 'don't yell. it's too late now. if it's fate, you'll just follow it while crying the whole time.' daisuke hits back with 'you don't know that yet! i'll change it!' to which dark grins and eggs him on a little more with a 'you tell me.'

'keep going like that and get out of here. please, brother. (kyodai/兄弟) ---we're not brothers. however, it wasn't a complete denial. in truth, somewhere deep down he was enjoying stealing beautiful works of art and playing chase with the police. maybe it was just as my grandfather had said, or maybe i was just being dragged along by dark's heart. what daisuke hated was himself. i found myself being dragged along by a situation that was unexpectedly changing at a dizzying pace. daisuke laughed. perhaps only dark can see that expression. because right now, in reality, this body is not my own. this heart is the only thing that keeps it alive. that's why you can't use it unless you feel strong. even if no one can see you, even if no one can hear you, this is proof that you are definitely here. daisuke can't help but recognize dark's true strength. and for the first time, i called out to my other self from the bottom of my heart. ---we're accomplices, right? we're the only companions who share everything, including our bodies and memories. a phantom thief who violates a maiden's heart. however, i don't like how he's always one step ahead of me.

this cuts into daisuke looking through dark's eyes trying to figure out a way to escape from the area they're trapped in, and the hilarious description of 'the artificial beach where dark was picking up girls' being the location right above them. hiwatari shows up and pulls out the cuffs, daisuke can't do anything but watch as he and dark dodge and squabble. hiwtari pulls out the heartwrenching line 'how many sacrifices have been made for your existence!' at dark, and hiwatari's suffering and pain is described as 'something that daisuke also knew well.' even though daisuke in truth had been enjoying himself, he couldn't anymore with hiwatari like this.

but... now, while he's cornering dark, there's hiwatari who feels like he's been cornered himself. i don't want him to look at me like that anymore.

hiwatari slips after cuffing dark and daisuke freaks out for him, 'reaching out for him' despite not being the one in control of the body. satoshi's glasses break but dark catches their owner, while hiwatari himself looks up at dark 'as if he to ask why he helped him.'

'there's someone who wants to help you.'

dark pulls out a flare/lighter of sorts and sets off a fire alarm and lets him escape, he turns back into daisuke who ends up meeting up with riku and risa. daisuke thanks wiz for helping him and being willing to jump into water even though wiz hates water, daisuke goes home clutching the mermaid's tears, a red gem that 'shines like a flame.' hiwatari muses that dark is an opponent you have to be careful with and that if you let your guard down or get impatient even a little bit, he can easily escape. later daisuke heads off to school again and 'mobilizes all the gods and buddhas to pray at the last minute that he would not transform into dark' during the school performance. riku's trembling from stagefright and when the trade glances she says 'it doesn't matter, i don't have many lines,' to which daisuke says 'don't say things like that. everyone has a role to play. besides...' the stage is set, the lights go out, and in the darkness, daisuke holds hands with riku. 'i'm with you.'

sleeping beauty turns out to be a huge success, the kids pour soda water all over each other instead of champagne, and the daisuke from a while ago probably wouldn't have been able to enjoy that sort of nonsense.

'i'm soaking wet, i'm covered in bruises, all sorts of things happened... i don't know what's going to happen to me, but something is starting to move. daisuke thought it might be a good idea to let the wind blow around him, because the future can be repainted freely.'

the LN closes with emiko finding a picture of riku that daisuke can drawn into his sketchbook, the mermaid's tears beside it.

the light reflected by the jewel, which contains intense feelings that cannot be expressed in words, appears to be lighting a red flame on the chest of the girl in the painting. the flame of my heart burns brightly.

#fav #reference.#*･ﾟ⊰ 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒. ⊱ ✦ › OUT.#nd that's book one. my brain hurts now #somewhere in the earlier section is sato going full vampire n putting his lips to a wound #dai gets while they're painting #so that it doesn't get their work ruined #the detail shows up a few times #what with dark n dai sharing wounds #but whatevs #i couldnt figure out how to put it into the post after i had already started writing it. rubs my fingers into my temples

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