when ppl use tone tags it’s amplified for me like what is /srs did u mean /Serious🗿

i think i've finally come to understand why i'm so bad at communicating with friends 👍 at one point or another i've thought i was in love with every single person i've ever been friends with (for the most part, at least) because i don't expect other people to like me. OBVIOUSLY this is not true but platonic feelings are not dissimilar to romantic ones (baseline they're the same: you want to love and be loved by someone) but i always end up realizing that i'm not in love with them, just that they matter to me very much and i wouldn't know what do to w/o their presence in my life. BUT this brings me to facet number 2 of my awful communication skills: i hate it when things Get Real. i find myself retreating any time it seems like Something Could Change in my day-to-day life due to them being around and "forcing" the change. i run away from talking to one of my only irl friends on almost a daily basis bc i dread the idea of having to do anything she might want me to do. i think, at the end of the day, my problem might just be that i don't want to change... ANYWAYS

To be fair RGGO Arakawa's son is confirmed either dead or unborn so it's A LITTLE less funny than him raising a normal son looking like that... still funny though I'm obsessed with him...

Speaking of Arakawa, I'm still going nuts about whatever's going on with him in IW. His voice line in the trailer in the trailer was so sweet but he uhhh Isn't Looking Too Sweet in the screenshots...

With Akane being in the game, I really wanna know whose perspective we're remembering him from too, since prior to that it seemed pretty certain it'd be either Jo or Ichiban. It's young Arakawa specifically, so it has to be between Jo and Akane as far as we know. I'm certain Jo has seen him go apeshit, but if Akane has and she fell for him anyway? Way of the Househusband-core... that'd say SO much about her... sooooo true though queen...

You’ll have to sue me because I Forgor the only thing i remembered was that his son Was Not Deranged. Which yeah i guess you cant be deranged if youre dead （＾∇＾）

I DIDNT EVEN HEAR HIS VOICE LINE THO WHAT if it was in the Official story trailer then oops.. lol.. i’ll take your word for it until im fucked enough to actually watch it LOL

Akane’s already a confirmed bamf if her not only booking it out of the hospital right after giving birth and escaping At The Time one of japan’s (or at least kamurocho’s don’t shoot me) most notorious clans to hawaii and then STILL having people after her. ACTUALLY had to get her out of the scene because she would’ve been too powerful otherwise

another reason people disliked lis2 is because they just fucking hate kids, simple as that. "daniel is so whiny, daniel can never own up to his mistakes, daniel blames everyone else for his choices, daniel needs constant supervision or he does stupid things, daniel is too hard to reason with, daniel is never happy" HE'S NINE!! he's nine and his dad just died and he never knew his mom and the only person in the entire world who he can still rely on is his brother who often has to make tough decisions that daniel doesn't understand or agree with because... he's nine!!! he was ripped away from his home, his school, his friends, everything he's ever known, and forced to travel the country on foot, never being able to connect with other people or find a stable community, all while grappling with literal superpowers and the unchecked anger management issues his powers created, and you think he's too BRATTY?? goddamn right he's bratty, as he should be!!

i figure most human behaviour that, not only doesn’t occur in other animals but has zero connection to animal behavior is basically distantly rooted in the known fear of inevitable death. let me be clear. cats and shit don’t know they’re gonna die. we do. we have thoughts. we know it’s coming. we think we’re gonna be rich, bullshit like that, most humans believe in magic and most humans doubt that math is a universal or consistent thing. total nonsense right. but everyone knows their ass is gonna die. before you write me off as some dumbass reciting basic 101 level university lectures just Trust Me I’m An Engineer. anyways. being human and dying are somewhat one in the same.

“if i do nonhuman things i can cheat the reaper.” short and sweet. if i can beat zelda faster than anyone i can outrun the reaper. and you know what, fuck it, i’m scared shitless of dying. it’s gonna hurt really bad no doubt. what if the brain destroyal process makes time slow down in my perception and it’s not just like five seconds of bleeding out or fire ant bites or however you go. Scary. so i’ll play along:

i am an average american man and i enjoy bad game runescape. it’s a computer game. MMO. kill monster get loot. sell what i don’t want to other players for gold. spamming chat with “SELLING BOWSTRINGS 200gp” for an hour “sucks” so the devs add a grand exchange where you can post buy/sell orders for a given item+price to maximize gameplay efficiency and minimize social interaction.

like any other MMO you can pay some sketchy website real money for ingame gold farmer by chinese gold farmers. totally against the rules. remember this

so the first thing that comes to any male aged 23-27 mind is “buy low sell high” basic bitch shit. no good. there’s a 5% tax that’ll wipe out your profit margin intended to eliminate this behavior (you’re supposed to friggen kill monsters). but everyone thinks they’re a genius and can beat the system and that there is a secret george soros style illuminati group that is holding the secrets, blah blah blah, whatever, and this comes as a coping mechanism after losing your shirt after trying to beat the market (success rate of 0%).

here is where people mostly quit thinking: if you do the math, which takes about ten minutes and can be done on one side of a sheet of paper with the most basic calculator, it’s easy to figure out that the amount of gold you’d need to play dirty (buy out all the available Feathers or Fire Runes or whatever) in order to corner the market would be so high that there is no possible way for a character to hold that much without having spent IRL money for gold. you’d get autobanned.

SO..finally, go on the ol’ www.reddit.com, and make a really really professional-to-professional sounding post advertising a “service”. Saturate the fuck out of it with dense but very real financial jargon. the “service” (which needs to be obscured enough with plausible and relevant language) is a hedging service aimed at make-believe market players who are buying and selling such huge amounts of items and gold (usually in anticipation of a game update that will speculatively introduce a sudden, dramatic, and capitalizable price change for some item). you need it to be as alien-sounding and foreign as possible but with enough believability and clarity that a handful of reddit jackasses will figure out what the fuck your post is about. whenever pressed further, act totally puzzled and make it very clear that this is not a service relevant to “individual entertainment-motivated” players or some shit. no matter what amount of gold anyone quotes at you, just act puzzled and if that amount is 1/1000th the amount one of your “normal” clients deal with. you need to do all of this extremely artfully. and by “you”, i’ve been meaning to write “me”. really lay it on thick that whatever you’re “doing” is totally unavailable to them and that you want zero to do with them.

so now theyre still mostly totally confused but enough is made clear that their interest is piqued. got my hook in em. some guy will copy/paste wikipedia shit in an obnoxiously long and pseudointellectual, contemptible but characteristically reddit guy style what you’re “selling” actually is in the most exhausting, hand-holdingest way to his fellow reddit gamers. with complete tone of authority.

inevitably one of them will put on their sherlock holmes hat and go deep undercover, emailing me posing as an interested party. bingo. now i get to really lay on the WTF and go off the rails asking about vouchers from One Of The Big Seven, but oh no, you can’t get one of them to vouch for you, that’s fine, it makes sense, we’re the only firm that deals with unvouched, that’s our market, well, one of them at least. Just give me a rough rundown of your entry criteria, dwell time, risk tolerance, fuckin “Gamma Ratio”, you know, all the basic stuff, and i’ll have the team generate a .xlsx for you to plug your data into to get a rough feel for what the final contract might be like.

(lololol) But REMEMBER, that excel sheet is seeded, output is fuzzed and salted and if you share it or try and sell it to our competitors, it will be fuzzy enough to be worthless to them but obvious to us who leaked what. this is the only way we’re able to integrate unvouched clients without untenable premiums and while managing our risk levels

blah blah blah blah, i go on and on and on and the guy on the other end is developing a scab from constant head-scratching. and that’s about the maximum real-world harm i’m willing to inflict. i know this sounds like an elaborate as fuck confidence scam but it isn’t. that shit makes me sick. i’d literally slam my arms in a car door before taking a cent from all this. hell, i’ll go out of my way to guarantee i don’t even piss anyone off or offend them or anything.

your guess is as good as mine but i do stuff like this constantly for anything i know well enough and the example i gave above is just a pretty low quality one i made up on the spot. this is a public blog after all.

anyways, cheers, hoping this saves me from dying or whatever the hell i was talking about before that could have probably been cut out. Namaste. Mahala.

When are we going to talk about how gen z and alpha growing up with lifelong access to tech didn't make them good with technology, it made them bad with people.

A lot of people, when Leave the World Behind was released, related to the youngest character. The daughter who's only priority and desire was to watch the Friends finale as the adults around her were crippled with anxiety about politics, current events, and the very real possibility a war was happening.

One of her most hard-hitting lines was about wanting nothing but the smallest of comforts in a world that guaranteed you none. So if she was gonna die, she was gonna die watching Friends.

She had little to no empathy for her parents or the rest world, which is key to her character's behavior throughout the movie.

"yes, okay the internet is out and there's a blackout and flamingos are in the pool in the USA, and you're terrified, but can you just please fix the TV for me?"

And yeah, I do think it was the damn phones. Because what she's doing isn't all that different from what a LOT of Americans and Gen Z are doing right now while genocides happen.

It's not that different from what a lot of us do. See something awful on our phone and at some point put the phone down like we didn't. Instead we make dinner, do laundry, go to work.

It's our routine.

But gen z and alpha were born into that climate, unlike the rest of us. They didn't grow up seeing the internet be built. They didn't grow up with friends who created forums or sites or were constantly finding new ones. All that already existed. The internet doesn't have secret corners to hide in anymore. Just shadowy ones you really shouldn't wander into.

The work that needed to be done was already done or being done by someone else. Markets and sites were already saturated. If I want to Google something right now, I know for a fact that someone already posted sources and a webpage for it, too.

So much was simply Provided to them. They're so used to the idea of Unknown Others solving problems for them.

Why would they make the effort to solve anything themselves when experience has shown they just have to Google it. Or that it probably already exists. And what difference would They make anyway?

Afterall they themselves are just another Unknown Other in someone else's life, aren't they? Someone nobody thinks about again after their avatar scrolls by.

Is it really that far of a stretch to say that doing this everyday or even just seeing it happen everyday has had material and tangible effects on us as a society?

That it's resulted in a generation of kids who not only undervalue themselves but the impact they are capable of having on their society. Who have resigned to simply Existing within the world instead of trying to thrive in it?

Can we talk about how millennials saying "the next generation will handle it" was nothing but entitlement? We wanted to stop fighting and tried to pass the torch onto a generation that hadn't even graduated high school yet.

And we made things worse by doing that. If we can refuse to fight for them, why would they fight for anyone else? And when parents hand their kids an iPad and send them off to occupy themselves why would they look for human connections?

We taught them not to.

The internet was and is the only consistent thing Gen Z and alpha has had that did not expect anything of them.

And now most of us would be content to doomscroll in the apocalypse in the name of our "mental health"

We've all seen the memes and jokes about it, don't backpedal now. Like I said, a lot of people saw Rose in that movie and made #me & #same posts.

Few would get up and try to cause the change to change anything. Which, in that movie and IRL is how change is made. Real people getting up and working together. Someone doing the work nobody else wants to because someone has to.

But what happens when you grew up thinking someone else was always gonna do it for you anyway?

And that if they didn't, that you were the least qualified because the internet is Full of people more capable than you, right?

The world is full of people more capable than you. Your phone told you that, didn't it? So there's no point in you doing anything.

Is there?

X

People need people, in case you forgot. People need you, in case you forgot.

You're not an Unknown Other in my phone. You are person, in case you forgot.

My tribe has this saying that I know is shared with other natives "be a good ancestor"

A reminder that not only are we the product of the people who came before us, but the people after us will be products of us and our choices, too. That time is linear and goes forward and that how we spend that time matters. Not just for us, but for every single person who will come after us.

A reminder that even though we may be one person in a very long line, we are never ever without the power to change our future. That we have a responsibility to our community and family to use the time we are given for good. A reminder that the life I have isnt just for me. It's for a we.

That I am not just some Unknown Other. I'm a community member, I'm a person, and as such I owe it to my community to be better and demand better for them.

I think a lot of people need that lesson.

You're not an Unknown Other that nobody thinks about. Youre a community member and I actually think about you all the time.

I think about everyone who has resigned to doomerism all the time and I wish y'all would wake up. You're like the depressed cousin on the couch who naps too much and this is me trying to snap you out of it again.

Wake up.

You're loved and valued and people need you. Get up. Be a good ancestor.

DTIYS

"two sides of a coin"

DTIYS of Leo and Mikey, in the lost ruins of new york city

Context: Freshly after Donatello's death Leo is always on missions, even before his two brothers death he was always on the Front Lines but now all he cares about is fighting. Casey wanted his sensei's attention and thus would try to join them but he was still too young(16) in sensei's eyes and was not willing to risk the future of the resistance and one of the only reasons he is still alive. One day he sneaks out onto the field and the krang finds him, therefore kidnapping the poor fella. Leo after finding out goes to save him and Mikey joins not wanting his brother or his nephew to die making this a "journey of the ronin's"

HEYYYYYY YOU GUYS, GUESS WHAT? I FINALLY HAVE ART FOR MY APOCALYPTIC AU "JOURNEY OF THE LAST RONIN'S" AND I WANT YOU GUYS TO ALSO DRAW IT!!!!

@donniesbrows my dearest brows, I told you I would @ you! Gnat is a very good artist and a big fan of rottmnt like myself! She is also one of my dearest friends on here and I want you all to support her as much as you guys can🙏

@friskyeee Frisk is also one of my dearest friends. She is also an incredible artist and super sweet person. She is not as funny as me but a funny person! I'd love it if you guys also support her!!

@the-hombrearana this lil guy is the bestest friend irl and online! Just a lil annoying heh but! Alas if you like spiderman rp this guy is your best friend in that regard! Please support him as much as you wish🙏🙏🙏

@drawingbakeryy You- YOU LITTLE! Anyways this fella is one of three ultimate inspirations She is an incredible person and artist she was one of the first friends I made in this account, please follow and ANNOY them as much as you humanly can 😌

@tapakah0 My TOP inspiration ON TOP! Tapa while she might not remember this she was one the first people to comment on my first account when I made a post on how I was being dragged into the rottmnt fandom and she really made my days so much brighter whenever she posted! Please support her on this account and on her other account @somerandomcockroach

@somerandomdudelmao this fella was the catalyst to my addiction. A true comic artist unparalleled! She is honestly an incredible person who deserves every follow she has and more! She and tapa brighten my day plenty. Please support this account and her other one! @keferon

Here's the unedited version of the DTIYS!

In case you want a clearer version just In case!

as much as it's frustrating how only two of the umi episodes were penned by Sayo in the irl layer, I think it's fascinating to compare them with each other because so much becomes clear when you look at the writing choices in each one side by side

the specific ways in which Legend and Turn differ from each other makes me certain that one was among the first message bottles she wrote whereas the other was one of the last, but it's not clear which is which -- it depends on how you interpret her internal journey and process of creating all these tales and fragments. Sayo's writing as a whole is very marked by her personal observations of the sins and struggles of the family and using them as mirrors to actually write about herself, using characters as stand-ins that give voice to her own inner thoughts, but both stories are very different in tone and approach

Legend feels almost methodical with the ways the murders and illusions are carried out, and the way her resentment manifests is more controlled, understated. you need to wring it around a bit more to 'see', but in my understanding: it's interesting how the 3 cousins are all made to suffer incredible grief losing their parents and love interests in quick succession (Battler being the only adult cousin who only lost his parents and not a love interest feels important to get him to remember!), but they live until the end then get invited to the Golden Land and choose to resurrect their lost love. By contrast, Natsuhi is put through the wringer through and through while being given the opportunity to be the star of the episode with her struggles as a woman taking the center of the stage, only to lose a duel (!) to Beatrice and be denied entry in the very last moment. there's a lot of conflicting emotions all over the place in both cases which is of course very characteristic of Sayo but I'm fascinated by how the cousins' entire role in this episode is to lose everything they had, experience earth-shattering grief and be led towards a romanticized afterlife where they can heal that grief, making the choice to resurrect the love that was lost, whereas Natsuhi's role is to mirror and portray Sayo's actual interiority and struggles (many that were caused by Natsuhi herself!) that went unspoken her whole life and then be challenged to a duel and get shot. to shoot Natsuhi is to shoot herself. shooting her actual personhood and interiority and struggles to death. as a metaphor for the entire ceremony of Beatrice's revival being a suicide in order to pass on into the afterlife where compartmentalized parts of herself can simultaneously exist as whole and find happiness with their respective love interests. the final step of rejecting reality, seeking love by truly becoming fictional while the human heart of the actress behind the characters dies buried between the lines of the text unless you 'see' it. god she makes me insane. anyway

Turn by comparison is very brutal. Beatrice steps onto the gameboard and is at her cruelest here, and the deliberate narrative choices are dripping with anger, helplessness and sorrow. everything about the focus given to Rosa in her role as the main accomplice who only had eyes for gold vs the framing of the tragedy as the gift of a halloween party for Maria, the wolves and sheep allegory, the way Shannon and Kanon get repeatedly kicked around for trying to resist their fate and wanting to believe in love despite everything. Kanon's "corpse" being desecrated by being forcefully resurrected twice, not being allowed death. the barely contained sexual conflict and trauma in the themes and imagery all over the episode. the way Sayo personally kills Jessica and George and her personas are killed along with them, an utter rejection of the possibility of being loved in reality as something that can only happen in death and fiction, so they all get to die together and be connected by their souls, all portrayed as the innocent victims of a vicious witch. the unspoken horror of one of the few true closed rooms in the game, with Sayo physically killing herself while facing herself in the mirror after doing all that. no one could dispute that a coffin is a closed room. and with closed rooms in this game often symbolizing being trapped in your own logic even though the door was unlocked all along, it absolutely stands for Sayo giving up all hope. Beatrice won, the gold won, the family's curse won, Sayo's worst feelings regarding herself won. Kinzo won too, even as a dead puppet haunting the narrative, he 'lives' to the end and gets his miracle of meeting Beatrice granted again. just that says a lot. Turn is horror after horror and you can only fully grasp that with the context for her writing choices

Legend feels relatively composed and deliberate in its choices of allegory. it also carries a lot of pain and conflicted feelings (particularly with the way she hatewrote Battler in it) but the text in Turn is basically bleeding all of her self hatred and suicidality and conflict over the idea of being loved. Legend is for the most part a straightforward mystery embellished in illusions with her heart still very baked into the text, and it has a big focus on solvability (Eva as the main accomplice basically points Battler toward the solution... which he rejects) and gambling/risk-taking, with multiple moments where Sayo left things out of her hands and up to chance, making it so that she could've been stopped even by accident. and then Turn is basically an eruption of all the horrible feelings churning in her heart. it says a lot that in Legend, she left the people she loved the most alive until the end, as if hoping until the very end for the miracle that at least one of them would see through her and stop her from murdering them, while Turn kills off the cousins (barring Battler due to being the detective) and then herself before the ceremony even ends, destroying all outcomes beyond utter annihilation. Turn is absolutely about her surrendering and leaning right into the illusion she casts on herself of being an irredeemable monster, so Beatrice absolutely plays into that role here. fitting that it ends with Battler surrendering, too

the sheer tonal contrast between these two message bottles tells a story of the journey of how Sayo's mental state changed as she kept writing and running over her murder-suicide plans over and over again -- it can either show her hope and composure deteriorating as she resigned herself to accepting her dead-end of fate (Legend -> Turn) OR the raw emotion she felt in the beginning of the writing frenzy dissipating as she kept going, any result being a satisfactory outcome but still focusing on planning out a difficult but fair mystery, staking her hopes onto the miracle of having it solved by the person who shared her personal philosophy on mysteries (Turn -> Legend). I don't like relying on Confessions too much as "confirmation" of Sayo-related things because it doesn't sit well with me, but if you go by the way it portrayed the process, then it strongly suggests the latter explanation

wish we could have seen more of the countless tales she personally wrote because you can see so much of her personhood hidden within the text, her thought processes, personal views and authoral voice all providing characterization, but the two we got already tell entire untold stories. it's funny that the two first episodes are usually thought of as the least interesting ones on a first read when they're the ones with the most firsthand insight into the culprit's heart and how she felt about everything. the sorrows and pain but the strength of will and hope too

tw mentioning the suicide-baiting, not in depth or anything, just a little rambly about our relationship as anons to the text

I feel like it should be obvious but at the same time, we're the crickets on Hetch's shoulder so much, I weirdly feel the need to like, officially disavow that :P Like we're holding him accountable for everything else. Obviously it's good that we comforted him but at the same time, I feel bad we didn't stick a "hey don't do that, that was wrong" in there somehow. But maybe that's just me trying to defend against a bad-faith read of our intentions lol.

Even if, if this weren't a comic and was just a TV show or something, I guess I wouldn't be noticing it or questioning it as much. Since the "vote die on yourselves" is about as real of a threat as telling someone to spontaneously combust, and he's also responding to someone who had just expressed murderous intent in a way that WAS a more real threat, sort of.

Also as a side note, I hope 🎱 doesn't feel like any of us blame them. Because as an in-universe thing, that's a terrible thing to say to someone etc. But if we're going by those rules, it's also pretty bad of us to keep calling Hetch "babygirl" against his wishes, since that's yknow, a misgendering and fairly intimate pet name, so that would be straight up sexual harassment irl. And I'm definitely not suggesting we take everything as if it's happening to a real person, because everyone including the blog runner is having fun about it. :P

Since so many of us are babygirlifying Hetch, we really do need some conflict and dissenting opinions to spice things up and also hold Hetch accountable for.

It's not teshuvah/repentance until you're in the exact same situation and make a different and better choice. So I guess we'll be able to tell if this growing-as-a-person thing sticks if in a few weeks (in irl time and probably much longer for Hetch) (ASSUMING HETCH AND THE GANG ARE STILL ALIVE ), Hetch gets a similarly goading ask and is able to respond in a better way.

Anyway, thanks 🎱 for going against the crowd here. If it weren't for a couple mean messages here and there, we might wind up just thinking Hetch's problems all magically vanished and he's a great person now, which would have made him feel flatter... and would have felt really disappointing when he inevitably gives into old habits in a less private situation in the future. :P

So recently I remembered that weird af game trailer from years ago during the PS5 reveal conference, featuring anthro characters one of wich I doubly-erroneously thought was a bird-girl.

Turns out the game is called Goodbye Volcano High and it got delayed several times, but it’s actually coming out in a few months as of this post, and something I read about its premise has me OBSESSED.

So the characters are actually anthropomorphic dinosaurs, and while I don’t prefer this kind of anthro animal designs (reptiles with human hair), turns out they are like this FOR A REASON:

The meteor is coming.

The meteor that killed the dinosaurs.

Everyone in this game is going to die. And the protagonists are teenagers, who were made to believe they had a whole life ahead of them. And the adults would rather just have everyone go on with their routine like nothing’s wrong.

So the protagonists have to decide what to do with the short time they have left, confront their identities and be true to themselves. The pterodactyl protagonist Fang, for example, is non-binary and part of a rock band. Depending on the player’s decisions the rock songs they are composing and playing throughout the game will change.

The paralels with the pandemic and other recent events as experienced by today’s youth are inevitable, and likely played a big factor during its development... yet the original trailer I mentioned in the first paragraph (not the one I posted) came out in 2020. They already had this idea before the pandemic.

While doom and gloom can be found at any point in history, I wonder if at least some of the people involved in the game grew up during the 80s and very early 90s, near the end of the Cold War, back when mutual annihilation via nuclear weapons seemed inevitable, even to little kids.

It doesn’t take much digging to find examples of dinosaurs being used irl to cope with the Cold War fears of nuclear armaggedon. They could be used as metaphors, how nuclear weapons were going to “take us back to the stone age like in The Flintstones”, or comparing it with the meteor that killed the dinosaurs (The 1988 song “Walk the Dinosaur” by Was Not Was, wich many may remember from the old Super Mario Bros. movie and Ice Age 3, is actually about this; there are some clues in the lyrics but the band has outright confirmed it).

On the other hand, dinosaurs had a rise in popularity during the 80s due to new discoveries, and served as nice escapism. Why fear a nuke when you could be crying your heart out while watching The Land Before Time? The 80s was even the decade when the theory that it was a meteor that killed the dinosaur became mainstream. Associaction!

So anyway... the game is finally coming out June 15 August 29, but I want to play it NAOW!!1! Let me laugh in the face of the apocalypse with my dinofriends!

Also if you were turned off from this game due to some shitty content online, know that it was made by a vocal minority trying to sabotage it for being LGBTQ+ friendly. Just ignore them. Do not make this about them. The game will stand on its own.

What Your Favourite Twisted Wonderland Character Says About You

**Disclaimer: All of these are jokes, so if any of you are offended, sorry 😅. Anyway, on to the assumtptions! Also, I cannot say how accurate this is**

Riddle Rosehearts:

You thought his uptightness was too much for you, but post-book one he became your favourite and you can't help but respect his growth. I don't blame you, his backstory was a tear-jerker

Trey Clover:

You want a malewife

Cater Diamond

There's a 40% chance you're bi and there's a 30% chance you follow Danny Gonzalez (and/or one of his clones)

Ace Trappola:

You either have no filter or you wish you could get rid of yours

Deuce Spade:

You think the Bad Boi + Himbo combo is cool and lowkey simpable. There's also a 40% chance you're neurodivergent

Leona Kingscholar:

You're the therapist friend in your group who desperately needs therapy. That or you're really horny

Ruggie Bucchi:

You didn't grow up with much money, and you relate to his struggle. Also, you'll never forgive Andrew Tate for what he posted

Jack Howl:

The more you get to know him, the more you see him as a tsundere puppy. There's also a 20% chance you made at least one pun about him e.g. bro's really JACKed up

Azul Ashengrotto:

There's a 40% chance that Mammon is your favourite Obey Me character. You're also probably an aspiring business owner

Jade Leech:

Your favourite colour is red. That's why you like this walking/swimming red flag

Floyd Leech:

You say he's really cute, but he's also a walking/swimming red flag. Also, if you had to die, you'd say the best way is to suffocate by him squeezing you

Kalim Al-Asim:

There's a chance you mistook him for Mammon from Obey Me. You also see him as the school's therapy dog

Jamil Viper:

You're probably Desi/Arab and you relate to being forced to suppress your emotions just to make sure you keep the peace

Vil Schoenheit:

You thought he'd be a Regina George/Sharpay Evans/Gordon Ramsay reskin but now you respect him more than you respect your IRL friends. Either that or you want him to step on you

Rook Hunt:

You appreciate the fact that he's a goofy mf and owns it. That or you're insane

Epel Felmier:

Your life's motto is "Short People Rule!" There's also a 30% chance you're feral asf

Idia Shroud:

You're a gamer/anime fan. There's also a 45% chance you're autistic

Ortho Shroud:

You either want him as a little brother or as a son

Malleus Draconia:

You're at least 45% of the fanbase. You also think goths are just neat

Lilia Vanrouge:

You're an e-boy/girl/other-gender or a menace to society

Sebek Zigvolt:

You've lost track of how many times you wanted to bully this boomer of a sixteen-year-old

Silver:

You have good taste 😎

Grim:

You're a cat person

Yuu (manga/game/novel):

You're cool 😎

san x male reader

tags and summary:

ateez, drabble, military san, doctor reader, male reader as in he/him pronouns are used but other than slightly longer hair there is no physical description of y/n, this is fiction we do not like the military irl, dialogue heavy because my imagination is too vivid, physical examination gone wrong gone sexual, just kidding they just flirt, author knows way too much about military, health care and medical terms, but not enough about the english language, no beta we die like my dream of a gay teenage romance, san turned out way less cocky and teasing than i anticipated, this was basically just my day dream all day at work, the lower case is intentional and a stylistic choice and you’ll have to pry it from my cold dead hands

heavily inspired by: this but female reader makes me cry so yeah here’s my ‘rendition’

“well then shall we start your exam?”

san just nodded looking at his doctor. he had been transferred here just a month ago and ever since then san has tried making his professional facade crack every chance he got.

“come on you know the drill. sit down.” y/n ordered the soldier and he sat on the bench bed. “ok just look at my finger and i’ll shine the light into your eyes” san stared right past y/n’s finger into his concentrated eyes. “great your pupils are bilaterally isocor” he put the little diagnostic lamp back into his white coat and pulled a wooden stick from one of the cabinets. san already knowing what comes next expectantly opened his mouth and pushed his tongue out before y/n could even turn back to him. “ok-“ he started but stopped at the picture in front of him. shrugging his shoulders he placed the wooden stick on sans tongue while taking out the diagnostic lamp again and shining into his oral cavity. “and-“ “ahhhhh” finished san for him. y/n praised him and his cooperation with a light chuckle.

san just continued staring at him while he shone the light around his mouth. he straightened his back with an amused “hm” whilst throwing the stick in the trash. “hm?” asked san and y/n answered with a “what?”. “you made a ‘hm’ sound. what was that for?” the other pretended to think, even tapping his index finger to his chin but never actually touching skin “have you ever heard that dentists can see bruises in your mouth after certain activities?” and with that a slight blush spread across sans nose and cheeks, all over his strong features down to his neck but he just shook his head no trying to remain at least some composure.

his doctor shrugged with a slight smile getting his stethoscope. “that’s ok i was never too keen on the mouth and it’s inhabitants anyway.” “teeth?” y/n cocked his head to the side asking back. “you mean teeth? your mouth inhabitants?” san emphasised with air quotes. “yeah those too.” y/n replied while motioning the soldier to pull his shirt up.

“you know” san stared a bit cautiously “it would be easier if i just took it off completely”. “sure it would be if you’re not uncomfortable” y/n stared at him blinking owlishly and with that he lifted his white tshirt over his head holding it bunched up in his lap. “careful cold” his doctor just said before placing the stethoscope on his upper left chest. “and breathe in” san took a deep breath in “and out” at the command he let it out again. “good” y/n said, switching to his right side. “and again” he asked softy while san tried to focus anywhere but the others eyes this time and just settled for an imaginary point on the wall while his doctor continued the auscultation of his lung hoping that it wasn’t possible to hear how his heart was pounding.

“sounds great” the missing touch on his skin pulled san from his starting daydream, following his doctors instructions further he laid down on his back settling for staring up at the ceiling this time the tshirt now clutched in his left hand next to the wall. “tell me if it hurts yeah?” he started expertly pressing on his abdominal right upper quadrant. “stop this” he ordered the soldier taking his eyes of his stomach. meeting his eyes now san tried to hide a smirk asking “stop what?” y/n stopped touching his stomach, which made san swallow down a whine, straightening up and brushing his hair out of his eyes to look at him more clearly. “stop trying to impress me by flexing your muscles. it messes with the exam.” san cocked an eyebrow. “who says im flexing my muscles? this is them in their natural state.” pointing his gloved finger accusingly at the soldier “stop lying to your doctor. it’s not working. i know what a flexed muscle feels like soldier. besides there really is no need to try and impress me.”

“why?” san asked “did i do it already?” fighting back the smile that threatened to appear on his face the doctor just answered “one, yes but most importantly, you really shouldn’t need my approval to know that you’re in great physical shape. we both know this examination is purely a formality of bureaucracy.” y/n paused and turned away from sans eyes to face his stomach again “and now stop flexing and let me finish this.” happy with that answer and a smile plastered over his face san relaxed his muscles and just focused on his doctors touch.

“good, well done.” he praised him “now i just need to palpate the rest of your body. again just tell me when it hurts.” and with that he started at his wide shoulders applying light pressure continuing down his rips and to his hips. “now spread your legs” “take me out to dinner first” san chuckled but obeyed while y/n just playfully rolled his eyes at him, carrying on with each leg. “no pain at all?” san denied the question by shaking his head slightly. satisfied with this his doctor nodded and positioned himself at the soldiers feet.

with crossed armes he applied light pressure on sans right foot. “push back every time i push” he ordered. san pushed his right food back slightly and switched to his left when y/n did as well, ending with pushing them both at the same time.

“ok great you can sit back up” y/n said while taking of his blue gloves revealing another white pair underneath.

“you wear two pairs of gloves?” san asked while watching his doctor dispose of the blue pair.

“sometimes, yes” he nodded “it’s more convenient and you can tell if one rips, which is more important during surgery but it just became a habit”

standing in front of him again and crossing his arms y/n took each of sans hands into his own testing his grip strength the same as he did with his feet.

“ok and squeeze right” he waited for the pressure “good and left” after a short moment he continued “and now both” to which san squeezed both of his doctors hands while locking eyes with him.

“good” y/n breathed out lightly “you can let go now” he added softly with a smile. but san really didn’t want to let go of his doctors hands right now. or ever.

so he asked “what if i don’t want to?” slightly furrowing his eyebrows causing y/n to slight stumble over his next words “i still need to test your reflexes san”

he slowly let go of his hands while dropping his head. “oww now don’t start looking like a kicked puppy. i also still need to write this all down and hand it in. otherwise they’ll take you off your next mission and what would your team do without you now huh?”

san nodded his head in defeat. his doctor was right. this was nothing more than an exam to determine if he was physically capable of being send overseas to kill some innocent civilians. purely a formality.

had zero idea how to start nor how to end this. it’s fully self indulgent like absolutely every thing i write. hopefully you still enjoyed and have a great day loves🫶🏻🫶🏻

i totally agree with the vast majority of what you posted about shayne and courtney and fans entitlement to their private lives. i dislike that the fandom so heavily sees things through a 'shipping' lens - angela and damien look at each other for more than three seconds, so here's fourteen fics about them fucking. like it's so deranged and so so strange and fundamentally unfair for everyone involved.

it is the same when people want them all to be best friends irl so bad it causes them genuine distress when they say 'we're just co-workers who have a good time'. i understand parasocial relationships and am aware that some are closer than others (some are married i've heard lol) but if it makes you want to keel over and die to hear arasha call courtney her co-worker...genuinely seek help, that's not good for you.

as someone who came back in the buy-back era and who was a fan at the height of the defy shourtney shipping era, i think it's okay to be like 'aww in videos i always thought they had chemistry!' but the stalking, obsessive stuff is unhealthy at best and wrong at worst.

i worry now about the hyper-focus that will be put on shayne and courtney in videos, both together and apart. i think it's super brave of them to go public (also something they may have felt they had to do, given public records) and i hope that people will be able to dial in to respect them and their relationship!!

Thank you, I feel like I’m going crazy, I’m glad others agree!

Bro I can’t even IMAGINE what the “fans” are going to act now. I mean, I can, and it doesn’t look good.

Im calling it now, if the “fans” will keep an even closer look on Courtney’s body now. They will try to prove a pregnancy and I think that will be worse than what it has already been. If there’s an actual pregnancy that somehow gets announced this year, how much you wanna bet that they will use the time Amanda mentioned a smosh baby to prove they were right and knew all along?

If this weren’t Shayne and Courtney, who had to endure stalkers, harassment, unwanted sexual advances from fans, fanfics written about them, people speculate their relationship by every single interaction they had at work, I would have just gone “omg, so cool! Good for them”, but this poor couple had to hide their relationship, hide an engagement! Courtney wasn’t able to wear a goddamn engagement ring, all to protect their privacy.

Im happy for them but again, heartbroken by the fandom once again.

Anyway, all these posts, fights and interactions made me resent the channel I’ve watched for more than a decade so quickly it was actually shocking. Which fucking sucks cause smosh has never been about romantic relationships and this news shouldn’t have affected the fandom for better or for worse.

Im gonna take a step back from the company, at least for now. I’ve unsubscribed to all the channels and unfollowed everyone. I hope I can get back to watching them but for now I legit feel icky, as stupid as it sounds.

I also learned my lesson for good, never ever interact with the rest of the smosh fans, it’s almost never worth it.

im

literally the maddest ive ever been in my entire life i just got bullied on the bus by these 5 loud as fuck cocky teenage cunts who kept opening the window right above my fucking head and spraying passing cars with a water bottle no matter how many times i slammed it shut and told them to stop and then when i finally turned around and said could you please stop i'm literally just trying to get home in peace this one fucking loser asked "ummmm why" so i was like "because it's annoying and everybody would tell you the same thing" and he was like "well if you don't like it you can always leave, there's the door" and i was so genuinely shell-shocked and speechless at the audacity plus i already have a stutter and always get so unbelievably angry during these kinds of interactions that it's literally like life-threatening to me almost so i couldn't even comprehend what he had just said to me but i did manage to humiliate him by being like "how old are you?" (no answer) "how old are you?" (no answer) "fifteen?" and he literally was too visibly embarrassed to say anything and wouldn't give me any other number he just made fun of how "adult" i was but in my stressed out fucking state i kind of forgot to tell him that i literally am an adult bc i didn't want to just compare ages like some kind of cringe idiot so they might live with the assumption that i was either the same age as them or ever so slightly older than them for the rest of their lives bc i do look 16 at most irl which i'm trying to come to terms with currently but anyway i literally just kept my focus on this one asshole right behind me and confronted him in genuinely the most firm but polite manner i could and then immediately as soon as i turn back around the guy sitting next to him goes "uhhhhhh i couldn't understand One single word she said so it's time to continue boys 🤪" and then they started laughing at me + screaming 10 times louder than before + blowing raspberries at me like fucking 3 year olds so i waited for the next stop then got up and sat beside someone else even though i was so happy to get a window seat for the first time in legitimate months and im still so unimaginably fucking angry abt the whole thing i know it doesn't seem like that big of a deal but when ppl make fun of the way i speak or mock me or say they can't understand me it literally makes me want to claw their eyes out and on top of everything else that had happened during the interaction it was just slightly too much for me to handle i didn't want to stoop to their level by cursing them out or being legitimately mean even though they deserved it but i regret not telling them to die as i was walking past them i hope a horrible horrible future awaits their loser hypebeast bully friendgroup i hope they never get girlfriends or accepted into college and i hope someone with less patience than me beats them up for their behavior one day

Hello it is I, random anon who does not know you and has never interacted with you before, what is your opinion of your mutuals?

Oh hi @bixell-pixell I'll include you even if we're not mutuals I think you're pretty chill all things considered

That's kinda it idk you that well

Anyways

You didn't specify so I'm going to list all my mutuals in the order of oldest to newest on my following page that I remember sorry of I missed anyone and for the @ s

*inhales*

@e-the-village-cryptid (I don't have a tag for e yet but it would probably just be E)

Not only the first person who I became friends with here but also the first one I ever started sharing my stories with, even if we don't talk too much I'm glad Every time we do and I see them on my dash, (they bring some of my favorite posts and when I do send posts sometimes I mix up and send them their own reblogs) I'm so glad we're still friends, thanks for letting me ramble about stuff for 6 hours hehe

@jaqofallgenders (no tag for jaq yet either)

my in person friend and the longest friendship I've ever had with someone, love you 🫶. I'll be more specific on Monday if our ADHD doesn't kick in and make us both forget

@strawberry-seal77 (seal-berry!!!)

Hi hi hi yellows my friend 👋 the person I consider to be the second ever friend I made on here, a lovely person as well and wait waaa and an amazing artist too 👀??? Love you silly goofball and the amazing posts and jokes you have we should chat more often I thinkith.

@rabid-mercenary16 (Rabid jumpscare)

Hey hey hey .... BWAMP! Hope you feel better soon

I probably have the most to say about Rabid but all try to make it a bit shorter. besides being the first artist to do art jokes and include me, with we also became mutuals and interacting around a time when my life started to get a lot better. Even if she's not the only factor in that I definitely associate her with stuff improving, and she did play a big factor in it (I already explained a lot on my Valentine's Day gift to her and the others). Also she's just an awesome person to spend time with and be goofy, amazing sense of humor and I just love being friends with such an awesome person and artist.

@dia-smthidk (Dia fren)

I'm assuming you don't want a bowl of soup

I also said a lot about them in my Valentine's Day gift, but we've become closer friends sense then even if we don't get to chat as much as I'd like to. I relate a lot and am surprised how we have so much in common. Amazing artist and person as well and I wish we could hang out more, idc if they think they're bringing down the mood when/if they bring stuff up about irl, and maybe I won't figure out their timezone but oh well, please take care of yourself gender sibling.

@bunnybunnsowo (BUN BUN BROTHER!!)

little brother 🫶🫶💝💞🫶✨👋❤️!!!

(I could have sworn we became mutuals before Dia?)

another person I shared a lot about with the Valentine's Day gift, I love you my little brother! Seriously one of the kindest people I've met and I'm so glad they have bug in his life. Bun deserves the world and they keep sending me opposum images!!! Gona die from cuteness and his kindness one of these days istg

@spookykittyzzz (greaah why don't I have a tag for you???)

A very kind person and artist I don't know too much sense we're not that close yet but love the few chats we have had so far. Hope we get to hang out more even if I'm awful at reaching out to others and saying hi.

@glitchyk (goop buddies)!!

Nooo the parallels

One of the first people who was interested to deep dive into my creations and ask about my stories and worlds They're probably competing with Rabid with how much I have to say about her/silly. Seriously it's incredible how much we have in common and now I get to share and collaborate our sonas stories together it's amazing. And as someone once said "you can yap for hours". I love how creative and clever they are, I just wish they would be kinder to herself. One day I'll make glichy see how awesome she is.

@unfunnyaceartist (Floridian disadvantage) I feel like I should change that

When I say I was shookith when ace asked to be friends I mean I was shookith first person so show up and ask that (the others kinda just happened). Amazing artist and don't believe her lies she is funny. I'm so heckn glad we're friends., love the goofy and silly idc if she's a bit of a simp they've helped me a lot start to understand slang and references I'm supposed to understand shhshsh (such is the curse of how I grew up) we need to make our mafia sonas interact at some point I can already imagine the chaos /silly

@neptunestoast (plushy slime)

Hugs hugs hugs*

Trying my best not to baby talk I swear. amazing person first person to show up and be like "hey I Wana do something for you and your friends". Love their humor and another gender sibling!!! Hugs for ever for as long as they're ok with it. I love their creativity as well and Noodle is so adorable. I just want to pick them up in a hug so much. Kibbity/silly

@ner5y (no tag woops ill figure something out)

What are you doing here??? How are we friends???

I was absolutely confused and startled when they followed me especially since it was during a spoons argument . Amazing artist like holy heck I wish I was allowed to curse on this blog. Their humor also took me by surprise when I got invited to the discord, and even if they doubt how well they're running it I think they're doing amazing. And I love our silly interactions like this one

@vexation-816 (chaotic ADHD buddy!!!)

Why did it take me so long to follow you istg

ADHD ADHD ADHD my buddy oh pal we both got that and it's driving us insane/silly. Love how creative he is and the ideas for his sona and character lore. Also one of the first people who shared a character they added to my nightlight au. This is getting twords the end and I'm tired of whiting so much and am on a timer oh no. But your amazing dude don't ever forget thag

@butlerbugbunny (anxiety bunny buddy)

This is why I didn't respond to the DM yet hshsh

New friend who I feel anxious talking to sometimes but a wonderful kind bunny who I'm also incredibly happy to be friends with. Love his art so much it's amazing (shoot shoot timer is going off) I'm glad he's their for bun and wish them the best I possibly can 🫶.

@lilithloves-you (lillith my be-loathed?) need to change that

Don't you dare bring up grilled cheese

Glitchys friendo who I'm also friends with now. We don't interact too much but I've sent her on missions to go hug glitchy (to help both of them feel better but shhh). I hope we become closer friends in the future.