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#and then I read through it again and decide I want to rewrite like seven paragraphs from scratch
waywardstation · 10 months
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I was just thinking how nice a little snippet of one of your works would be...
That snippet hit like a train. This whole part will be such an agonizing experience to read. I'm usually someone who is able to stomach much but this somehow hits hard... Also even on the brink of dying Ingo still remains as polite as possible. oh this makes me tear up even in his state he remains himself.
Either way a big SUPER BRAVO for this nice new WIP
Also please make sure to rest and drink plenty. Get better before you plan anything. And WIP "Wednesday" doesn't always have to be Wednesday anyway. If you got a WIP ready post it whenever you feel like it and feel good enough! Health comes first! Don't overwork your cab!
In regards to my recent WIP from IWLYB
Haha yeah apologies for that, last weeks WIP was lighter so I went a little tougher with this one. These aren’t even the toughest parts I don’t think, I’m not going to put those parts into WIP Wednesdays. But I don’t know; I’m entirely indifferent to angst when I’m the one writing it, and I know everyone handles things differently ^^;
And yes Ingo is trying his best for Akari’s sake. It won’t be able to hold up forever, but until then he really does try his best ;(
THANK YOU ANON both for the praises and for the reminders!! I often find segments I like to save for WIP Wednesdays I just forgot entirely this time and combed through the doc last night to find something that wasn’t too spoilery haha.
BUT THANK YOU!! I’ve still got that 3k Phione Akari AU snippet to post. I meant to get it out last week, but decided to squeeze in another request I recently got and it’s now 5k+ haha. It’ll be out soon but I’m definitely taking my time with finishing it until I feel a little bit better, and my mind isn’t so foggy anymore. ^^
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secret-third-thing · 6 months
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Okay, so I come on here and whine about writing a lot, but I wanted to share some advice I've taken to heart this week.
Sometimes, when I'm writing, I'll really struggle to get through a piece. Either I'm bored, or the story feels tedious and drawn out. Writing is like pulling teeth; I want nothing more than to scream into a pillow. I've been dealing with that lately with my original fiction.
I had a chance to meet up with my writing mentor last week, and she gave me a great piece of advice. "You're starting in the wrong place." She meant I was starting at the wrong place in the story.
Here's an example: For those who read Blood in the Wine, chapter 3 is about the King of Montesere's birthday. It's my longest chapter, but it took MONTHS to write. I struggled with that one, y'all. Rewrote that sucker so many times and was having such a tough time. I had started the chapter with Gianna getting ready for the party. And finally, by some miracle, in the FIFTH rewrite, I decided: Fuck it, I'm starting the chapter later when she's with her cousins. I can go back and add shit later. Well, friends, that was the right place to start. The words started flowing, and I got excited again. It was a shame that I was so burned out because it could have easily turned into a 6-7k chapter.
So, challenge yourself to start before or after where you were originally considering starting in the story. When I returned to my original fiction, I started the novel seven years later than my initial draft.... and... I wrote way more, way faster, with more enthusiasm and excitement. Total game changer.
Hope this helps you as it helped me! Happy writing!
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twstbookclub · 4 months
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Words of Love
Summary: Ace could be better at a relationship. How could it be? He never learned how. Instead of being taught, he was attacked by his ex-girlfriend's friends for not doing something. It'll be different this time. You'll make sure of that. Pronouns: Gender Neutral POV: 2nd Admin/Writer: Kai⚔️ Tags: Ace Trappola, Slight comedy, Romance, Fluff, First date with Ace, Ice skating date, Ace is still a little shit Word Count: 1,041
A/N: Man... The amount of trouble I had writing a smitten Ace who didn't want to admit his feelings was like whiplash. I thought I knew how to write the boy, but I was wrong. Honestly, this could've been done better, and maybe I'll rewrite one when I can, but I am still satisfied with this one. Thank you for reading!
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Ace was a good person, and it was surprising to see him come up to you to ask you out. Though, as soon as you said yes, he ran off while trying to act all cool? Then he would give you a winter hat and a pair of gloves, only saying, “Make sure to wear them to our date” and leave it at that. You did like him, that part was admittable, but as for the reason why—
“Good Seven, I can tell why his ex-girlfriend was into him… But I can tell why she left him,” you whispered while watching Ace grab food from the building’s cafe. He’s a sweet kid, really, but…
GEEZ, THE AWKWARD TENSION IS UNBEARABLE.
You sighed and looked towards Ace, staring briefly before smiling and looking down at the ground. The atmosphere was filled with screams, laughs, and the scraping of blades against ice, since Ace decided to surprise you with a date to an ice skating rink on your day off before winter break began. It was his way of spending time with you, but how could you blame him for trying?
He’s such a mess, and he can be too blunt for one’s comfort—not to mention a slacker… but he’s cute.
What? Gotta give credit where credit is due, right? Anyway…
“Oi, how are you feeling?” Ace asked while walking back to you and setting down the food on the table, then he fixed his scarf that was hanging off your neck. He felt cold to the touch, but how could he not? He sacrificed his warmth to give it to you, then he let you fall on your ass right after. How fun.
“Hmm… I’m warmer than I was before, but I’m still in pain thanks to someone letting me fall,” you responded sarcastically, knowing it would strike a nerve within the boy. After that, you took a fry from his meal and ate away, as if indifferent to his offense.
“Hey! I said I was sorry, and I’m buying you food. Is that not enough for forgiveness?” He spoke with that look again—the sharp edges of his eyes softening, brows furrowed, and lips pulled into a frown. It wasn’t the usual harsh scowl, but it was… more gentle and hesitant.
It was something he had done quite a bit tonight.
You snapped your head at him and raised an eyebrow. “That’s the bare minimum, Ace! Is this how you treated your girlfriend from middle school?”
He went quiet, but not from anger. He started thinking, really. The fact that he had to think about it was concerning enough as is.
“Honestly…” He said, still pondering. “I never really did this kind of stuff for her.”
“Oh. My. Seven.” You could only sigh from disappointment, wondering how such a good guy could be so… clueless. You ran a hand through your hair, before standing up and giving him back his jacket.
“Ace, you’re a great person. You know that, you even boast about it sometimes—which kudos to you for that.”
Ace raised an eyebrow at your words since he was only hearing compliments. This made him shiver in his timbers, for a lack of a better word in this description. “Buuuut…?”
“Get yourself together!” You yelled, giving him a bonk on the head afterwards for dramatic effect.
“Ow! Fine, geez.” Ace sighed, putting his jacket back on you again and fixing your hair. “Yeah, I’m pretty clueless on this relationship and romance stuff—”
Oh really? Didn’t know that.
“—I rarely took my past girlfriend out on dates or hangouts, not even to walk around. You’re different,” Ace said with a sincere look in his eye, but his view wasn’t directed at you. It was towards the floor. You could only sigh and move your hand to hold his. 
“Ace…” You started, took a breath, then looked at him with a small smile. “You're a great guy on your own. I don't need you to impress me in some way just because I'm someone you want to be with.”
“I know, but you're different from others who've confessed, different from my middle school relationship, and I… really want to be with you,” he said carefully, giving your hand a squeeze for his own reassurance. The love in his eyes just made the moment a lot sweeter.
You felt your heart begin to melt. You knew having a crush on him was so right, but you just needed to find the reason why. You move your other hand to his cheek to make him look at you directly.
“Then, just do what you think is right. Go with the flow and we can figure the rest out together. I'm not going anywhere.”
Your words and touch made Ace relax, and he slowly gave you a snarky grin. “What I think is right, you say?” His tone was mischievous, and before you knew it, he pulled you back onto the ice rink.
“Hey–! What are you doing!? Ace!” You yelled, seeing him start to move around with you on the ice. He laughed at you and moved slowly so as to not hurt you, even keeping you close until you could get the hang of it.
“Come on! I took you out to have fun, so fun we'll have!” Ace said with a laugh, keeping you close while pulling you with him.
The ice made the place cold and the spins would make you dizzy, but it couldn't compare to the warmth you both began to feel for one another, like hearts intertwining into one.
After the date, he was walking you home, hand in hand, unable to look towards your direction. You noticed this and smiled, wanting to tease him about it.
“Look at you… All smiles. I've never seen this from you before.”
“I've never had someone tell me I could be myself. My ex was wanting me to change for her, but where's the fun in that?” Ace said, making both of you laugh.
Finally, he let you go before you got to your door. He watched you again with those eyes, the ones you grew accustomed to in those few hours. Who knew words would have meant so much?
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jacensolodjo · 2 months
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I need to stop doing this. My hand slipped and I have more Ent G Triumvirate smut posted while I'm still working on my Picard S3 rewrite.
Anyways, Seven and B'Elanna decide to exchange blows in the holodeck. Raffi walks in on the fight and watches long enough to see it turn into something altogether different.
That's it that's the summary. What did you want, a soliloquy?
"You're an ass," B'Elanna griped as she returned from her latest away mission to Seven making comments about her fighting form.  Sidney La Forge watched them arguing, having been the shuttle pilot for B'Elanna's away mission. She didn't dare interrupt, however.  "I'm just saying... maybe you should have gone through ATT," Seven said with a shrug, pronouncing it like Atty.  They both knew Advanced Tactical Training was brutal, and something an engineer didn't actually need. They also knew Seven could recommend her for it, but wouldn't. Same as how neither Tuvok nor Janeway had. It was generally only for tactical officers though many Bridge senior staff became students.  "Uh, no. You don't get to say that to me, Sev. Chakotay was an instructor for it. I essentially completed it by being trained by him," B'Elanna argued.  "Hmm. And yet... you don't show it in the field," Seven replied, ocular node rising.  "I'm going to knock you on your Borg reinforced ass!" B'Elanna huffed, shoving at Seven's shoulder. 
Again, read more here.
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sleepymccoy · 1 year
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I did the craziest, most like advanced structural writer shit I've ever done the other day
Started like normal, I bleurg words onto the page, 95% dialogue without any tags, just getting a feel for the whole scene. Then cos I was writing and thinking and rewriting at random times for a week, I'd written the same scene three different times to see how I wanted it to go. Cos, the scene requires a genuine effort by the characters to try and communicate effectively, but also requires from me that they totally miscommunicate a few key things. Thus, multiple drafts.
So, I've written this a few times. Cos of that I know I've got some bits that happen in each rewrite, so I'll need to keep them. But, cos I've just blagarggerd it onto the page there's almost no real structure, not all the dialogue flows yet cos I'm just writing words that might be handy, and a lot of it repeats the point cos it's separate rewrites
So, I did a real thing. I went through all of it and highlighted each passage based on what it's about. Had like seven colours for various topics, like compliments, previous insults, character As future, character Bs future, topics A B and C. That sorta stuff. Then, pulled the sections out of context completely and just read all of them as their own topic.
So, I have six little dialogue passages where the characters discuss previous insults theyre trying to apologise for. I read through and decided there's only really two topics there, so I collated everything, chose my favourite lines, and made two blocks of conversation out of it. Rinse and repeat for every topic i separated.
So, instead of this rambling, baffling thread of dialogue, I have like ten distinct topics in sections that flow quite well cos the original drafts had a good amount of natural tone to them. I'll need to edit a bit to make sure the train of thought makes sense throughout it, but it's so good! It's so readable! And I didn't lose anything that I like!
I'm definitely using this trick again to give some structure to my make it up on the fly method of working through difficult scenes. It feels so good. And it was good fun to use colours in a fic! I enjoyed myself a tonne
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gideliye · 1 year
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To the person I knew from the Goddamn internet 4 years ago
11:06 p.m., Thursday, March 16, 2023, I'm rewriting, recreating, or rebuilding whatever this is. I can't sleep even though I must. I decided to run through your newsfeed once again and I saw that one post that made me write something similar. It was seven days late when I wrote those tantrums after reading your last letter for that person. I also thought that that would be the last time that I'd write something about you. It has been two years since I wrote that. The headache-causing papers still surround my bed. My body is still tired despite lying down the whole day. I am still full of insecurities. Really, nothing changed except for the fact that I am alone in here. I have been hurting, but it's more tolerable; maybe I got used to it.
I have always been an admirer of your writings, and though oftentimes I could not comprehend what they meant, there's still something that makes me want to keep going. 
I still admire
I still can't comprehend
I still want to keep going
I want you near, but I fear.
I am everything opposite of the person you talk about. That little conversation is still stuck in my head even after all these years, but it can't be compared to someone you spend months with. A little improvement: I don't start my day looking at your Messenger stories and Facebook posts anymore, but I still envy that person who you spend your late-night talks with. I still want to be someone who you would share your anime recommendations with or have at least one mobile legend character 1v1 with, but I'm neither an otaku nor a pro-Selena user. I still make up silly stories that I came up with, and up until now, I really wanted to share them with you. But I still don't have the courage to even leave a message on how much I like your works, your ways, and just everything about you.
You still feel like home to me, although I think that it is temporary. I know you were just a shelter. Somewhere that shades me when I refuse to go home. Somewhere, I feel like I belong, but I don't. 
I wanted to wipe the tears from your cheeks as you wrote that letter. I want to stop imagining the past, present, and future with you in it, but it was my only way to be somewhere close to you without having the fear of actually losing you.
Maybe I can't like anyone else more than you. Maybe I did like someone else more than you, but you resemble them so much that I had to keep my place. Maybe I didn't like them enough to make me take a risk. Maybe I don't like myself enough to make myself believe that I deserve these.
I am contented just having to read your works. I am contented with the little things that I know about you from the internet that you overshared and the secrets that I am not supposed to know. Who am I to bid you farewell? I still long for the warmth of your metaphors. I always thought that if one day we meet, please know that you will never be a stranger to me. You don't have to mind me though; I just know you a little well, but not well enough. You don't know me at all to make you look into my eyes and halt for seconds. It's only my heartbeat, which will stop for a second because your very existence matters to me a lot.
I wanted to preserve the format, but too many things changed, even though nothing or a little something did. I think it's fine. Whatever I write anyway will still have remnants of you.
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vmccombs · 1 year
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Last Line Tag
I was tagged by @ezestreet, and after a full and fun MLK Day, am just now getting around to doing it.
At the same time, I’m tagging anyone who wants to play. :)
This is from my final “Ride or Die” draft of my current novella, Your Artificial Afterlife Awaits. It’s about seven pages into Chapter One, and it’s where things start getting real for my protagonist, the Safebot known as ND-31/Kee.
Edited: 01/17/2023
I did a rewrite on this today because I didn’t like how this impacted the ongoing character dynamic. Especially after my Alpha reader read something into this I didn’t intend.
Edited again (01/19/2023) after another discussion with my Alpha Reader
Okay. This is why I’m hesitant to play Tag games. Because it feels like I’m in a constant state of rewriting. This is probably one of my biggest hang-ups as a writer, and I’m working to let go of it. But when a reader tells me something, I feel like I have to listen to it.
So here is the rewritten section. Unless my Beta Readers say something, I think it’s actually done now. :)
I nod. Then nod again, drawing it out so it’s more slow and emphatic than it needs to be. It’s one of the tiny ways I assert myself whenever Kee decides to “put our body through its paces.” So for a few short moments, I can actually believe I’ve reclaimed some control. “Okay. That all makes perfect sense, Kee. Except…” I lean back, and I lick my lips. “What if it wasn’t intentional? What if whatever happened up there was just some horrible accident?”
An irritating air of condescension wafts through my mind, and I feel that sense of control starting to slip. To the point where I have to remind myself how much it would hurt Kee’s feelings if I did something like gritting my teeth in response. My psychic-deadening field may stop Kee from using his telepathy on me without my consent. But the fact that his metallic housing is hardwired into my body means all of my physical reactions are an open book to him.
With the amount of intrigue going on in our lives right now? The air shifts from condescending to amused. Yes. There is always the possibility it was an accident. But I think we can both agree that possibility is an extremely small one.
The amusement grows, rising to an almost unbearable degree. No, I am fairly certain some level of intentional violence was involved. He pauses, and I press my lips together as I try not to release my frustration. Especially when you consider both our body and this raft are completely covered in tiny droplets of blood right now.  
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Revisiting Old Fics pt 1
So recently, I've just felt nostalgic for my old fics. The first fanfictions I wrote. I didn't care about how long to make chapters or whether they were even good or not. I just had a story that I desperately needed to tell and the option to write it out, the stories from movies I watched, was just so fantastical! But you know, eventually, the novelty wears off. Writing became more serious to me. I still love to write, but I tried to make it more perfect. I've always been a perfectionist, and writing didn't escape my tendencies. So all of my fics were deleted in the purge. Which sucks. Because now I can't read them. Even though the grammar was bad and the pacing was bad and nothing was accurate, they were my stories. I poured my heart and soul into the word scramble, and now I don't have them anymore. I've just been thinking about that, and it made me kind of sad. But, I still remember their storylines, and if I do say so myself, the fics were bad quality, but the storylines were solid. Some of them at least. There was one that I put years into. I spent all my time weaving this web together, and so, I want to talk about that one. Obviously, this is going to be a really long post, so ill just cut it here. Continue at your own risk.
As you guys know, my first ever fandom was How to Train Your Dragon, so obviously, my first fanfiction was obviously from there too. I had about seven-ish oc's that I made for it, and while of course, their names are very non-Viking names, that's alright. If I ever for some reason rewrite this, I'm going to change everyone's names.
So the story started out with a prologue. During a dragon raid on Berk one night, Valka was taken. Stoick was absolutely crushed. For months on end, he abandoned everyone. The village, his son, everyone. So Stoick's brothers, Spitelout and Daniel (really? Stoick, Spitelout, and Daniel? I couldn't even keep the S theme going tsk tsk) took up his place. But eventually, Stoick had to come back, but he refused, deciding to shut down. So Daniel, unafraid of his older brother, called him out and was like "hey, yeah your wife is gone and that sucks but if you don't snap out of this, your village and son will be gone too. you've mourned way past your time, now get back to work." And Stoick got mad and just banished Daniel, his wife, and their son. So the little family ended up on a small island alone.
While on this island in banishment, twin girls were born the couple. The eldest, Kira, and the youngest, Kera. (Oh goodness I have named every set of twins since then Kira and Kera and the girls have been through so much, but I have finally gotten them to a place where they stand alone and they don't make me cringe, so that's nice.) Obviously, though, that wasn't enough trauma for the main character twins.
When they were about four, raiders, rogues, people with no home or loyalties, stopped at their island. Daniel and his wife tried their hardest to protect their family but were killed. Their son (who I can't remember what I named him because I ended up changing his name to Gunnar, so his name will be that now), Gunnar had his sisters hide, and sacrificed himself. The raiders took him away on their ship, never to be seen again.
Now, Stoick, who, when he came back to his senses, felt awful about what he had done, but was too proud to seek forgiveness, had sent a guard to spy on his brother. So when the attack came, the spy sent news to Berk, but when they arrived, it was too late. Daniel and his wife were dead, Gunnar was taken away, probably to the slave markets of the south, and all that was left, hiding under a bed, were two twin girls Stoick had never seen before. His nieces, Kira and Kera. So he took them back to Berk and placed them in the care of the Hofferson's, who had a girl only a few years older than the twins, and there they grew up.
The first chapter was mostly a quick rundown of where the girls were during the movies. They were like twelve and at home basically. They found out about Hiccup and the dragon and as they were some of the only few people who actually liked Hiccup, they agreed to keep Toothless a secret.
Oh, also, quick on their personalities, like all stereotypical twins, Kira, the eldest is prone to anger, remembers better, annoyed quickly, a good close combat fighter, and has a distrust for people she doesn't know. Also, she remembers what happened on the island, while Kera does not. Kera on the other hand, is very sweet and friendly. She is very trusting, tends to forget easier. While she is quite the archer, prefers to spend her time learning from Gothi, because she wants to be the next healer. Oh, also, while they are both close to Hiccup, aside from him, Kira is closest to Astrid and Kera is closest to the other twins, Ruffnut and Tuffnut.
Okay, so back to the story. The movie happens and Kira and Kera are kinda just there, nothing happens. Same for most of riders of Berk and defenders of Berk, because they aren't really old enough. They help rescue Hiccup when he gets kidnapped by Alvin and on their thirteenth birthday, Hiccup gives them a dragon to share.
The story really starts though, right before start of Race to the Edge, which was my lifeblood back then.
Kira gets sick during her training, and so Kera is forced to be without her twin for a while. She is mostly bored so she rides around on their dragon for a while and ends up flying a little farther then she meant to. While out flying, she meets a girl named Sarah, who is also her age. Kera and Sarah spend the rest of the day playing together. When the sun starts to go down, they both go home and say they'll play again tomorrow.
The next day, Kira wakes up and feels a lot better. She goes outside only to find a commotion in front of the Great Hall. A boy who looks shockingly like a younger version of Dagur is going crazy and threatening people to find out where she is.
Kera joins her sister outside and recognizes the boy as Jacob, Sarah's older brother, who looks exactly like the girl described. When Kera let's it slip that she knows who he is, Jacob goes crazy and pins her to the wall and starts asking her questions, assuming that Kera hurt his sister. Kira, obviously doesn't stand for this and beats him up, only for Stoick to physically separate the two and then they all talk it out. Apparently, after Sarah and Kera headed their sperate ways, Sarah hadnt made it back home. So Stoick, Hiccup, Jacob, Kira, and Kera all go to look for her. They eventually find her lost in the forest. A stray lightning bolt spooked her dragon and knocked her out of the sky. It got dark and cold and the girl had been afraid that she had offended Thor. The group headed back to Berk and Jacob and Kira forbade their siblings from playing with each other again, because neither Jacob nor Kira liked each other. Jacob and Kira are both fourteen. They most definitely have a fourteen year old crush on each other. Everyone knows this except for the two of them. Anyways, obviously, Kera and Sarah don't listen to their older siblings and go play together again, only this time, the lightning comes back.
Surprise! It's not Thor! It's my Villian oc Lucky! She is a dragon rider as well, but she rides... Ah... I hate this. I love it because it's my favorite dragon and just looks so cool! But I already have the whole Skrill post. But anyways, Lucky rides a Skrill. So Lucky knocks the girls out of the sky and kidnaps them. She ties them up and hides them in a cave and then sends a ransom note to Berk. Lucky knows that Kera and Stoick's niece, and that Sarah is the daughter of the prison warden of outcast island. Kera did not know that.
Back on Berk, Kira and Jacob are arguing when the terrible terror smacks Kira in the face with the random note, she faints, Jacob carries her inside and they read the letter together. The ransom note tells them to bring a lot of gold to a sea stack outside of Scuttleclaw Island, which is quite a ride away. So they do this. What they don't know I'd Lucky didn't actually want their gold.
While Stoick, Hiccup, Kira, and Jacob went to go pay the ransom, Lucky came to Berk, ransacked things, and stole lots of their winter supplies. Furs and salted meat.
The rescue gang realizes they were tricked and on the way back, find the girls and rescue them. When they get home, they find out what happened and are angry, but Lucky is long gone and they don't know where to find her.
Anyways, during all this panic for their sisters, Kira and Jacob kinda realize they like the other, and lots of blushing and teasing from their siblings ensue. Also, Jacob and Kira both decide to stop fighting each other and tell each other what's on their mind.
Jacob reveals that he was sent adrift as a baby (from Beserker Island, but he doesn't know that yet) and eventually floated out to Outcast Island, where Sarah's father took him in. Kira revealed the whole thing about her parents and brother.
Then Jacob and Sarah go back home cos they've been on Berk for a while.
Kira also tells Astrid what happened on the island, because only Stoick and Hiccup know what happened there. Kira makes it clear that Kera is never supposed to know what happened on the island. Kera thinks they were sent there for a secret mission and their parents died of sickness. She doesn't remember they had a brother.
THEN! Race to the Edge finally starts! It's Gunnar's birthday and Kira feels sad, so she convinces Hiccup and Kera to go with her to the island. When they go, they are surprised to see a ship pull away from the island. Why would someone have visited the island? When they got to their old house, Kira is double surprised to see a piece of blue cloth freshly dropped on the ground. It's a little napkin like thing. Kira knows that Jacob had it on him the day he was kidnapped. So how did it get to the island again? Who has it? Certainly it couldn't be her 99% dead brother, could it? He was either killed or taken to be a slave somewhere.
As they head back from the island, confused, they run into the other twins, who were pranking Bucket and Mulch (with a stolen prank from Kira and Kera) and a soggy Trader Johann. As rtte goes, Johann gave Hiccup and the gang a place to go and Kira and Kera have to go do something for Gothi. When they are finished, they go follow the gang to the ship graveyard, and bring back their dragons in time to save the gang.
Once the escapade is over, Kira tells Hiccup she thinks her brother might still be alive. Maybe.
The Httyd gang go get the snow wraith tooth and unlucky the dragon eye while Kera and Kira held Gobber stand in for Gothi. The dragon eye secret is unlocked and blah blah.
At the end up the chapter it is reveal that Gunnar is still very alive and is in league with Dagur. They have a very manical laugh together.
Anyways, there is a council on Berk and Stoick decided that the gang can go out with the dragon eye- but! Much to the dismay of the mcs, Kira and Kera have to stay at home because they are too young. They are very upset as all their friends leave. All except for Gustav.
Thankfully for the twins, friend and love interest Sarah and Jacob show up the same day. Lots of blushing blah blah Kira and Jacob become 85% almost a thing. Still not official. They never actually made it official but I didn't get that far in the story lol.
Then we got to the Gone Gustav Gone arch which was my third favorite arch to write in the whole fic. Gustav, Kira and Kera run away to the edge and are passed around like hot potatoes. Like in the episode, Gustav gets upset at his treatment and runs away to join Dagur. And like in the episodes, Hiccup comes to make the trade, the dragon eye for Gustav, only Kira and Kera followed him because they don't listen to instructions. Gustav double crosses them and Hiccup finds out his little cousins followed him. The three follow Dagur and Gustav to the caves, somehow missing that the bad guys have a third member (Gunnar the brother) in their party. Once in the caves, Gustav switches sides and Dagur and Gunnar corner him. That's when Hiccup and the twins corner Dagur and Gunnar. Which leads to the most awkward family reunion either. Hiccup sees Gunnar and Gunnar freaks and turns around only to face his sisters, one of which who forgot he existed. When the caves start to collapse, Gunnar rescues his little sisters from being crushed. He tries to take Kira and Kera with him, but they stay with Hiccup. Kera is very confused because everyone is acting like they know Gunnar but she doesn't know who he is. They leave and go home. Kira goes home alone, because she is angry that her suspicions were correct. Her brother was alive. He hadn't come back for them, he hadn't sent word, and had actively tried to harm the only other family they had.
When Kira got home, she told her uncle Stoick what happened, and Stoick felt very guilty. He tried to apologize for sending her father away all those years ago, but Kira won't hear it saying "you were hurt and hurt people do bad things". She blames everyone on the wanderers, the rogues that came and killed her parents. She vowed to make them pay.
So, of course, next chapter opens up with Kira and Kera meeting a new dragon rider. Kira, angry about her brother, deals harshly with the new girl. She deals even harsher when she finds out that the girl has no home. The girl is a rogue. Even though Kira knows the girl, whos name is Honor (and belongs to my dear friend @samphnj ), couldn't have been there to kill her parents, she still treats Honor like she had. Much to Lira's dismay, Kera decides she wants to befriend Honor. Kira flips out and starts yelling at both of them, but then flies away before she accidentally lets it slip what happened to them.
Honor and Kera spend some time together and then Honor's friend, Brendyn shows up, and it takes Kera a whole of two seconds to get a crush on him. (It never really goes anywhere, but she has a crush on him.)
Brendyn and Honor tell Kera about how they survive on their own and also how another rogue rider (Heather) was almost hurt because she was flying too close to the Edge. Kera feels very conflicted about that.
When Kera goes back to Berk, Kira is genuinely surprised that her sister is still alive and that the Honor girl didn't murder her. She tries to convince Kera not to go see them again and that they are bad, but Kera won't hear it, so Kira decides to do the only thing she can do. She is going to kill Honor before Honor had the chance to kill her sister.
The next morning, Kera went out to find Honor and little did she know that Kira was following her. Kira showed up with a very murderous glare and started attacking Honor.
Kera tried her hardest to stop her sister and with the help of Brendyn, Honor managed to get away, but not before Kera saw a side of her sister she didn't like, and decided to run away with Honor and Brendyn. Kira was devistated.
And then here was where we got some backstory on Gunnar! My second favorite arch!
So, the ship of wanderers came to the island when Gunnar was seven. When he witnessed his parents death, he rushed out to try and do something. Anything to protect his sisters. One of the ladies who was with the group picked him up and took him onto the boat and threw him in a cell. When Gunnar came to some time later, he realized where he was and felt angry, sad, scared and alone. The ship made a stop at Outcast Island, where one of the ships members had a sister, who had apparently had wanted a son. Gunnar would be the ladies new son, though of course, the ship never told her where they got him from. On outcast island, the first person Gunnar met was a girl named Dustine. She was friendly and introduced herself and told him where he was at. Gunnar freaked out and tried to run away, but couldn't really go anywhere far, just to a rock with some plants in it. Here he met Sarah, who quickly becomes Gunnar's friend, as she is the same age as, and reminds him of his little sisters. Things go well for a few hours until Gunnar and Sarah run into the two other kids on the island, Dustine and Jacob. Now Jacob is very mad that Gunnar is here, because he had been the only boy on the island. Sarah had been his little sister and he had decided he was going to marry Dustine, even though she was older than he was. But now, this boy Gunnar, who Dustine had not shut up about was threatening all of that.
Time went on and Gunnar tried to find a way to get back to his home. He didn't know how to though, and so he spent most of his time with Sarah, or Dustine. This, became somewhat of a problem. Gunnar was brought to be a son to one of the prison guards, who just also happened to be the mother of Dustine. Only Dustine very clearly had a crush on Gunnar and all the village could see that, including Jacob, who hated every fiber of Gunnar's being for it.
Then one day, Gunnar realized he liked her too. Unfortunately, this led to Jacob and Gunnar getting into a fight, which is how they both met the daughter of a visiting chief from another tribe. Her name was Lucky.
Because they are just children, Lucky immediately had a crush on Gunnar and bear Jacob up for fighting him.
Now this is when Gunnar met the lady who was supposed to be is mother. (Also Sarah's dad and Lucky's parents). She apologized for not being around, that she had been away for a little, but was glad he was there to be a part of the family. Especially after how he had been held captive on a remote island by evil people.
At this, Gunnar flipped out. That was a lie! He ran away screaming and crying and knew he had to escape soon.
Dustine found him and Gunnar told her the truth, how they killed his parents and his sisters were all alone. She said she'd help him escape. They two made plans to steal winter supplies and run away to save Kira and Kera, but little did they know, Jacob and Lucky were watching them, and were angry. Lucky hated Dustine and Jacob hated Gunnar. So they decided to break up whatever was going on here.
Also, Lucky was left on Outcast Island while her parents left to try and negotiate with the Beserkers.
So somehow, Lucky and Dustine got into a fight and it ended with Dustine hanging by a thick root over a cliff with Lucky watching her and laughing. Gunnar convinced Lucky to pulled Dustine back up and Lucky ran away angry.
When all the kids came home that night, they met a group of very angry and concerned adults.
Jacob and Lucky had rushed back to their parents, and Alvin, and told them how Gunnar and Dustine were stealing winter supplies and planning on running away and added aot of extra stuff in there, like treason and murder.
A lot of dramatics happened and Gunnar ended up telling everyone the story of how he got there, which no one, except for Sarah's father believed. He begged them to be rational about this, but in the end, a fight broke out, poor Sarah got hit on the head and forget all of this, and Gunnar was put in the outcast prison. (Okay lol past Heather, I love the dramatics, but uh... This is a little much. Carry on though)
Gunnar spent the next like 11 or 12 years in prison. During the first year, Sarah's father and Dustine visited him. They told him they had gone to his home island, but his sisters were nowhere to be found. It was safe to asume they were dead. Drowned or eaten by dragons. This broke Gunnar's heart.
And then the visits stopped coming. To keep himself from going insane, Gunnar trained in his cell, working out until he had gained quite the muscle mass.
Then, one day, a crazy man was thrown into the cell next to him, yelling about how he'd take down Hiccup and all of Berk.
Gunnar knew this was his chance here. He didn't have any siblings to live for anymore, so he might as well devote his time to making Berk pay for the misfortune he had been through. Gunnar and the crazy man Dagur soon became friends, and when Dagur escaped from prison, he took Gunnar with him.
As the two escaped, Gunnar met a prison gaurd. It was Dustine, all grown up and just as beautiful. He kissed her and ran away with Dagur.
ANYWAYS! Back in the present, remember, Kera ran away with Honor. Kera spent most of her time training with them to keep her mind of of the fact that she ran away from home. Then, while they were flying one day (at this time sharing a dragon bc Kera doesn't have one of her own), the girls found a caged and wounded flightmare. Which somehow Kera tamed and made her dragon. Because I love me some dragons that can't really be tamed or ridden. The two girls then had a run in with Dagur, who had captured the flightmare.
Kera used this moment to get an answer. With the power of the flightmare, they took control of the ship and pinned Dagur and Gunnar down. Kera asked him if he was truely her brother and he said he was.
Ahhhhh! And know we are on to my favorite part of the whole fic. These two chapters where almost everything links together. I had so much fun with these two chapters. Ahhh.
So I still remember the titles. It was a two parter. The truth won't set you free / because the lies are easier to believe
It started out with Jacob taking Kira for a ride to help get her mind off of Kera. As they do, the blue napkin cloth falls out of her pocket and Jacob, to his horror, recognizes the cloth. It belonged to Gunnar. There was a rip in the cloth where Jacob had torn it because it had been so precious to Gunnar.
Anxiously, Jacob asked Kira what the cloth was, and she told him it had belonged to her brother and that she had found it recently at their home.
Jacob suddenly felt really bad, because like, he had been awful to Gunnar and has caused him not to go home to Kira and Kera and sent him to prison instead and now he was with Dagur and what if all of this was his fault?
Kira and Jacob try to take a flight, but his consciousness is too heavy.
Meanwhile, Brendyn, Honor, and Kera run into Dagur and Gunnar again. This time, Kera decides she is going to get all the answers on what happened. She sent him a message and they met peacefully on a beach. Here it flops back and forth between Jacob and Gunnar's explanation. Man I remember thinking how cool that was.i was so proud of myself.
So Gunnar starts to explain what happened on the island and Jacob confesses that it's all his fault, which Kira doesn't understand.
As Gunnar talked to Kera, she refused to believe him, because it shattered her whole world view. In the end, she left with her friends in a panicked state and a crisis.
Jacob told Kira the whole story of what happened, which she still didn't understand, because he hadn't gotten to the point. Kira did understand then that the Lucky in the story was the same Lucky who kidnapped Kera and Sarah earlier.
Eventually Jacob got to the point. How Gunnar had been trying to come back to them- and here Kira began to cry. She had been so angry at her brother because she thought he had left them, but he had tried to come back. But he had been thrown in prison... Because of Jacob!
Both sisters, on opposite sides of the archipelago spent the night alone. Confused and wishjng they had the other for comfort.
And then I time skipped to have a dragon will travel, because we were 39 chapters into my first ever Httyd fic and I hadn't once written about my all time favorite Httyd character, Heather!!!
Kira is allowed to go to the Edge with the rest of the gang, mostly because Berk does not need to handle her sadness and anger lol.
Hiccup, Astrid and Kira go to look for the rogue dragon rider who is attacking their fishing ships. Hiccup and Astrid think it might be Dagur, but Kira is sure it's Kera's friends. While the rest of the gang want to find this dragon rider (and come up with a plan to do so) so that they can stop the rider from attacking ships, Kira wants to find the rider to demand to know where they put Kera's body after they killed her, because she is certain her sister is dead, even though she's not.
Only, as we all know, when they find the rider, it's Heather! (Ajhhhhhskdjwja I swear when I watched the episode I almost fell out of my seat! I'd forgotten how much I love her and then she had changed so much! She grew! She was so sassy and pretty and ahhhhh)
Kira just gets annoyed because one, she is no closer to know where Kera's body is, and also she dislikes Heather and is annoyed that everyone is fawning over her.
And here Kira has a breakdown and can't take it anymore. She is very full of hate and anger and rage and she's fourteen. I wrote this when I was thirteen. I had some problems then. Hah... Wow. Anhwayyyyys.
Anyways, Kira and the gang go with Heather to help her take down Dagur. Of course, Gunnar is with him. While Hiccup, Dagur, and Heather have a little family reunion, Gunnar starts questioning Kira as to why she told Kera lies about what happened to their parents.
At this, Kira starts crying, because she is told that Kera is still alive. Also Kira and Heather have a quick bonding moment, mostly Heather being confused as to why this fourteen year old girl is acting all edgy.
Then there was another time skip. Kira was back on Berk and we are on the episode Astrid's team.
Dagur And Gunnar are pillaging Berk and Gunnar takes this as a chance to steal one of his sisters back. He sets fire to the Hofferson house and carries a sleeping Kira out.
However, she woke up and managed to escape from her brother. But Berk was devistated in the attack. The rest of the episode goes just about the same. Kira joined Astrid's team.
Also a quick cut to Dagur with his plan and we find out Gunnar has taken a prisoner And is spending all his time with the prisoner.
Then when the Edge is under attack, Astrid tells her little crew not to come and defend, but Kira and Gustav lead the team out to protect the edge.
Back with Dagur, he is freaking out because the dragon riders are winning, and then gets upset because Gunnar isn't there, and is down with the prisoner. He storms down to tell at him and we see the prisoner is none other than... You don't get to know yet because I didn't reveal it then.
Kira and Gustav and the others arrived in time to help out and they quickly overtook Dagur.
As Kira fought and flew around, she heard the voice of the prisoner, who asked for her help to escape. It was a young woman. Kira agreed and got her out of the cell.
The episode ends and Gustav is named leader of the A-Team, which Kira is mad about for a second, until Astrid tells her that Kira isn't leader bc she is welcomed on both dragon riding teams.
Then the turn matters to the escaped prisoner. It's Dustine.
So cut back to how Dustine got kidnapped. She was headed towards her post for gaurd duty. She heard some drama with Jacob and Sarah and them fighting about some girl named Kira. Then she went to her post and did her job for a while.
Then Gunnar showed up, teased her a little, calling himself the man she loved and then said he was here to kidnap her because he couldn't live without her. And so, he did kidnap her.
Gunnar's plan is simple. He would get revenge on Hiccup and Berk for banishing them to the island, marry Dustine, get his sisters and they'd go live on the island happily forever.
Dustine obviously isn't having it and calls him crazy. She tries to escape, but she's on a boat in the middle of the ocean.
Basically Gunnar is kinda lusting over Dustine and Dustine loves the version of Gunnar that's in her head and is sad because the handsome man in front of her is not the one from her head.
The two went through some up and downs and Dustine began to understand why Gunnar is working with Dagur. She won't let herself love Gunnar right now, but told him that she probably would have if he had just asked her to come instead of kidnapping her.
Anyways, back to the present. Dustine is free and realizes that Kira is Gunnar's sister.
Kira and Dustine swap stories and somehow the topic turns to Jacob. Dustine tricks Kira into getting her to meet Jacob so they can talk it out.
And then, this is where I kinda stopped writing. I got a good fifty chapters done for the fic.
I don't really remember what all happened after this point, cos i didn't really have it planned.
Kira and Kera eventually would get reunited and Gunnar would turn back to the good side (before Dagur does). He and Dustine would end up being a thing. Same with Jacob and Kira. I never really gave Kera a partner.
Now, while this was where I stopped writing the story, it wasn't all I had for this au. There were two other stories which I will talk about in another post bc this is already too long. Both focus on Lucky, who was just briefly mentioned here. But yeah, that's all for now. This is very long and I'm not sure than anyone actually read all this, but it's been great fun for me to remember all of this stuff and write it out.
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thelightofthebane · 9 months
Text
through the good and bad and all in between
Summary: Magnus was born a warlock. Magnus became a mundane for love and by self-sacrificing tendencies. Magnus turned into a vampire after an act of spite and revenge.
A story about survival, new identities, love through adversities, and accepting changes.
Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Episode: s03e17 Heavenly Fire, Vampire Magnus Bane, Turned without consent, Major Character Undeath, Immortal to Mortal to Immortal, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Good Boyfriend Alec Lightwood, Soft Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Cat & Alec friendship, Domestic Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Fluff and Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending
Rating: E
Chapters: 10
Words: Around 23k~
This fic was created for the Shadowhunters Mini Bang 2023: Presented by the @malecdiscordserver
You can read it on AO3 or the last chapter below ~
Chapter 10 - I need you here 'til the very end
Seven years later
By some miracle, things settled for a long time.
No more catastrophes. No more Greater Demons or madmen. No more jealous ex-girlfriends. No more near-death experiences.
Jia and Lydia had become a refreshing powerhouse for the Clave. A rewriting of the Accords was even in the plans, and this time there would be more Downworlder representatives than before.
Alec had been helping Lydia with a project that would spread the idea of Downworld Cabinets for all Institutes, as well as some really needed reeducation regarding Downworld culture. Surprisingly, Alec chose Clary to be aboard in the project, and her suggestions of Mundane culture have been really interesting and useful for once.
The New York Shadow World was thriving too. Alec not only reformed the Institute and made sure no one under his leadership would mistreat a Downworld ever again, but he also put into action new ideas - like a mixed school for Shadowhunters and Downworlders’ children to learn together.
Magnus was…
Magnus was much better. His nightmares were still present, but few and far between. He seemed more settled in his new role, and despite missing his magic a lot, he could now think about it with fondness instead of grief.
They had married two years after Alec’s proposal. Jace and Clary married a year later. Simon and Izzy, four years later.
Jace and Clary became parents around the time Alec and Magnus celebrated their 5th anniversary. It also lit up a tiny flame inside Alec’s chest that wished the same with Magnus. Maybe it was time to have the adoption talk.
Well, if another disaster wasn’t about to happen, but judging by Izzy’s serious face, Alec didn’t want to push his luck.
“Please, don’t tell me you found out about another secret experiment by the Clave.”
Isabelle cracked a tiny smile, shaking her head.
“It’s something personal, actually.” She closed the door and went to sit on the chair in front of him.
“Are you okay? Did you and Simon fight?”
“No, although it has to do with him.”
Alec frowned in confusion. She smiled a bit more genuinely this time.
“I bet no one could’ve ever imagined that us both would end up in a committed relationship with vampires.”
Alec snorts. 
“Understatement.” He went back to write on a report mission, letting his sister to take her time to tell him whatever has been bothering her. However, when after ten minutes nothing more was said, he decided to push her a little bit. “What’s your point, Iz?”
“Have you ever thought about staying?”
The pen halted on the paper, and Alec needed a moment to comprehend what Izzy was saying. When it finally hit him, he put the pen down and looked at her.
“Yes,” he croaked, his eyes automatically straying for a drawer containing books and years of research. “Since Magnus was turned.”
“Did you find something?”
“Besides becoming a vampire? No.” Alec huffed, frustrated with the lack of alternatives.
“And that would be too bad?” Izzy mumbled, but her brother heard anyway and looked a bit spooked.
“W-What?”
“Look, it was one thing before when Magnus was still an immortal warlock. But he’s a vampire now. Would it be that bad to be the same as him?”
Alec’s frown only deepened.
She… had a point.
He was so worried looking for answers, he had forgotten that Magnus changed. He was still immortal, but a different kind. And if Alec did become a vampire, the only thing he would be sacrificing is food. He was sure that if he asked Jace, his brother wouldn’t mind giving him his blood, too.
“Oh…”
“Yeah, oh.” Izzy smirked, but it was slightly shaken.
“Is this what you want?”
The woman released an equally shaken breath and looked directly at her brother’s eyes.
“I do. Simon is… Simon is right. You know I’ve never cared much about love, but something in him makes me dream about things I didn’t dare before. He makes me happy in a way that hurts, you know? A good hurt, the kind that fills me up and makes me stronger and braver.”
Alec smiled, his eyes now finding the photo frame on his desk. Magnus and he were holding each other under a Sakura tree in full bloom, petals falling over them in a pink rain. They were both laughing, blissfully happy.
Yeah. He knew perfectly what Izzy was talking about.
“Besides, it’s not only about him. I… There is so many things I want to do now, and I think a single lifetime will not be enough. The project draft I showed you last week regarding more secure and efficient weapons, as well as high-tech shields… It’ll take years to heave at least one prototype done. I want to see this to its end, big brother.”
Alec hummed. Getting up, he got around the desk and crouched next to her. “Let me ask you again. Is this what you really want?”
Isabelle straighted up her shoulders and nodded with a fierce glare, full of determination and stubbornness that was practically a Lightwood trait at this point.
“Yes.”
“We have a lot to plan, then. But first, we need to talk to our parabatais, then our family. Simon and Magnus should come last, because they’ll be the most difficult.”
“I know… But you’ll be with me, right?”
“Always, Iz.” Alec grinned then. “Forever.” 
~*~
As Alec expected, talking to Magnus didn’t start well.
“Absolutely not! If… If I were still a warlock or you could stay as a Shadowhunter… But a vampire? No. Never.”
“Why not? You’re one!”
“You’ll have to die, Alec!”
“You died!” Alec yelled and suddenly a heavy silence wrapped the room, only their gasps filling the air.
Then, Alec sobbed, frustration and guilt still weighting his heart.
“You died… And I couldn’t do anything.”
But Magnus was equally stubborn.
“I can’t stomach the idea of you dying. Even if your intention is to come back.” He shook his head, shuddering. “Alexander, we don’t know if it works for Nephilim. Mundane blood is one thing. Even if you derune yourself so the runes won’t interfere, we don’t know what your angel blood might do. What if doesn’t work?”
“It does. Izzy and I researched. There are some cases of Shadowhunters who were attacked in patrols and turned, and some that turned willingly.”
They spent a couple of minutes just staring at each other, neither of them willing to back down.
Until Magnus deflated at last.
“You’re really serious about that, aren’t you?”
Alec nodded with certainty. Soon enough, though, his forehead creased in concern, a huge lump in his throat.
“Unless… Unless you don’t want me forever. Unless only a mortal lifetime would be enough–”
“Don’t you dare! Don’t you dare imply that I wouldn’t want you for all eternity. I’m not ready to lose you now, and I’m sure I’ll never be. But I don’t want you to regret this, Alexander. Immortality is a curse. I… I don’t want you to resent me over time for this burden.”
“I won’t.”
“You can’t be sure.”
“But I am, Magnus.”
“How so?”
“Because there isn’t a lifetime or universe where I would regret choosing you, Magnus Bane. You’re it for me. You’re mine and I’m yours.”
Magnus’ eyes fluttered, his eyelashes already damp although no tears had fallen yet.
“What about your family? Your parabatai?”
“I’ve already talked to them. Jace gave me his blessing, Max was totally chill about it, and my parents struggled a bit but agreed in the end without any fuss. And Izzy… Izzy will stay. With us. For as long as I live, I’ll have the love of my life and my baby sister with me.” Alec smiled.
“And Simon?” Magnus tried to joke, but his voice cracked with all the emotions currently overwhelming him.
“If it’s the price for Izzy’s happiness, I can tolerate him.” Alec shrugged. “He is your family, too.”
“I can deal alright with Sherman.”
Alec grinned, approaching Magnus and pressing their foreheads together.
“I promise I want this, Magnus. Trust me.”
“I do… It’s just… I’m afraid. You know how become a vampire is like a gamble. You either turn or your soul is trapped forever at the in-between.”
“I know. So, will you be my sire?”
“Oh god, I forgot about that. Yes, of course, but…” Magnus bit his lower lip. “Should I look for a way to…” He choked. “...to kill you quickly and painlessly?”
At that, Alec stepped back and looked horrified at him.
“Are you crazy? I won’t let you kill me! You already have enough nightmares for many lifetimes, Magnus. I won’t give you one more.”
“You should not die alone, Alec! It’s awful, believe me. I can’t let you take your own life either. I won’t!”
“Magnus!”
“Alexander!”
.
.
.
The immortality talk was never an easy one.
Even if they were sure about the ‘why’, they argued for weeks about the ‘how’.
It was Catarina who offered them a solution.
~*~
“Oh wow, we are going to be four!” Simon blabbed, all excited like a kid at a candy store. “We can already form our own club, The Daylighters.”
Magnus cocked an eyebrow and Alec narrowed his eyes. It was the same bullshit from his wedding-that-wasn’t with Lydia.
“You’re so lucky that Izzy loves you.”
“Of course I am. Actually, talking about her, what if we went on double dates after you two turn? I heard about this blood bar near Times Square that sells these cocktails with different blood types, and they have this tiny umbrellas made of-”
“Oh my God! I’m going to look for Jace and spar with him.” Alec groaned and left before Simon finished.
“He still hates me, doesn’t he?” Simon chuckled, this time without much humor.
Magnus’ eyes softened.
“Relax. You know how Alexander is. He might not say out loud, but he already considers you family.”
“Really?” Simon’s whole face lit up. “Then, we’re not going to be just a club. We’re going to be a family of Daylighters!”
And wasn’t that a whole concept?
Sometimes Magnus couldn’t believe that despite all the suffering, all the pain, all the choices taken from him… He could still have this.
A big family.
At first, it was only him, Ragnor, Cat and Raphael.
Then, they lost Ragnor. And Raphael was now a mortal, so their time together was limited.
But for the centuries to come, more people became part of their small, special bunch of immortal troublemakers.
Madzie, Simon.
Very soon, his husband and sister-in-law.
Maybe in the future… Their own kids.
Jace and Clary were okay with their mortality and opted to die as Shadowhunters. Furthermore, considering their extra angel blood, neither of them wanted to gamble with a high probability of failure. What if their super angelic blood burned the demonic virus and they remained dead? No, it was too dangerous to even try. But the Herondale-Fairchild clan would forever be assisted and protected by them, never letting Jace and Clary’s legacy to be forgotten.
They would all be okay.
“Yes, Simon. We’re really going to be.”
~*~
It took a couple more of years before they went forward with it.
Alec still had some last arrangements to do before retiring from the Institute and starting his new life as a vampire. Isabelle had already gone through the process, and it was her former parabatai's blood that turned her into a Daylighter.
Now, in his late 30s, it was Alec’s turn to take this unchangeable step.
They went back to Ragnor’s home, where everything has started. They dug a hole right next to Magnus’ grave, and stocked the place with bags of blood. Cat was there too, but this time she would wait inside the house until it was time to bury Alec’s body. They all agreed that, no matter the end result, it was better to not leave Magnus alone. What they were about to do wouldn’t be easy for either of them, but Magnus refused to let Alec be by himself.
“Do you think Ragnor would mind having me here too? I know you three agreed to be buried together, but maybe a Shadowhunter would be too much for him.”
Magnus smiled softly. “It was Ragnor that actually convinced me to fight one more time for us on that day of your wedding with Lydia. I’m pretty sure Ragnor would allow you here knowing you are the one whom my heart belongs to.”
Alec flushed, a boyish smile adorning his face. Oh… It was going to be the last time Magnus saw that pretty pink color on Alexander’s cheeks.
Well, it was okay, he thought.
Alec was still full of things Magnus absolutely loved. 
Under a big oak tree at Ragnor’s garden, they shared some more words and kisses, showering each other in promises and love.
They kissed for a long time, until Magnus slowly started a trail of open-mouthed kisses down to Alec’s neck. He licked and nibbled the sensitive skin around the deflect rune. Then, without holding himself any longer, he bit hard, breaking skin and making his husband bleed. Latching at it, Magnus drank the Nephilim blood, losing himself for a moment.
Alec tensed, feeling pain and fire and death under his skin, but soon his thoughts halted and his mind went numb.
Magnus was delighted, feeling how that was better than any blood he has tried. So delicious and addictive and his, only his.
“M-Magnus…” Alec whimpered, enough to break through the fog on Magnus’ mind. Alec’s blood dripped from his lips, the marvelous taste still exploding on his tongue. “I- Your… I need your blood…” Alec was paler, but he held himself with the determination of a man in a mission.
Magnus nodded, and using his fang, cut his own wrist and put it near Alec’s lips. A bit sluggishly, he also drank Magnus’ blood, grimacing at the metallic taste.
“There, you are doing great, my darling,” Magnus cooed, nuzzling Alec’s cheek until he reached the other side of his neck and bit there too, drinking more.
A moan and weak tap on his arm forced Magnus to stop again and look at his love. Alec’s eyes were glazed, half-hooded and dull. If Magnus still had a beating heart, it would’ve certainly stopped for a moment.
“Now… please…” He could see that Alec was barely holding up now. Quickly, he fished out from his pocket the potion Catarina made especially for that occasion. It would accelerate Alec’s death while he slept. Quick and painless.
Magnus helped Alec drank the murky green liquid, and soon enough the Shadowhunter’s eyes were dropping.
“L’ve… you…” He forced a breath. “See’ya… soon…”
“I love you too. I will be here, I promise.” Magnus took Alec in his arms, holding his husband with all the care and desperation in the world.
Alec’s heart started to slow down, the beats stuttering.
Please…
Slowly, slowly stopping.
Come back.
His breath turned into tiny huffs of air until it was gone.
You have to come back to me, Alexander.
A last beat.
Please.
Silence.
Please.
.
.
Later, while waiting beside Alec’s grave, when a hand with a beloved and familiar wedding ring emerged from the dirt, Magnus knew everything was going to be all right.
They were going to be all right.
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jcwriting · 3 years
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Written in the Stars
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summary ↬ being soulmates with a werewolf? pretty easy. being jungkook’s soulmate? the easiest thing in the world. there’s only one teensy tiny problem. he doesn’t want to fuck you.
pairing ↬ werewolf!jungkook x reader
genre ↬ soulmate!au, abo verse, fluff, angst, hurt/comfort (this is so fucking dramatic and for what)
word count ↬ 10.4k my hand slipped
warnings ↬ swearing, angst (but with a happy ending bc im a sappy bitch), jk is stupid in love (emphasis on stupid), mentions of violence (very brief and i don’t go into too much detail but just to warn yall), slight nsfw (sex is a big topic for like half of this but not sex is had...i know im shocked too), half of this is background info/setting up the story the other half is finally addressing the summary lolol, jk is kind of an asshole but he has reasons!!!!!
authors note ↬ hello lovelies! here’s a small little thing for you all (laughs in 10k word count). this has been sitting in my drafts for fucking ever and i just needed to get it out there and out of my hands. im thinking about writing a part two where the actual ~*/sex/*~ is had but im still on the fence about that. please let me know what you think! i literally crave your interactions so pls dont be shy,,,,,okay love you bye :)
(ps i was so close to naming this Rewrite the Stars but since this has absolutely nothing to do with The Greatest Showman i didn’t. but i was close,,,,so fucking close)
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You always knew Jeon Jungkook was destined for great things.
It was written in the stars, your mother had told you after he had first stepped foot into your family-owned grocery store. Your mother didn’t have any special powers, she just had a thing for astrology. While you normally shrugged off her random proclamations about divine intervention and planetary alignments, you found that Jungkook was something you couldn’t ignore or chalk up as your mother’s latest tea leaf reading.
From the moment you set eyes on him you knew he was different. While your family held zero claim to any sort of mystical or magical inclinations, you were well aware of those who did. It was no secret that non-humans roamed the Earth in plain sight, even though it had taken humans eons to realize this. After years of savage wars and civil unrest, agreements had come into place and governing bodies were adjusted to accept the changes that had finally been made. But, this was all before your time. You were the generation that was born into the period of peace, the first children to not experience bloodshed before they could walk. The world you knew now was almost a complete one-eighty of what it had been.
Where before those who were not of human blood had to do everything they could to blend in, now could be free of the shadows. Your classrooms had both humans and non-humans in their rosters. Some of your teachers were hybrids. Curriculum expanded to teach humans about a world that had once been entirely unknown to them. One of your favorite teachers was a witch who regaled your tenth grade class with stories of goblin wars, wizard duels, and vampire covens. All tales that you had once thought were nothing but fiction were now anything but.
Which is why, the second Jeon Jungkook entered the grocery store that your parents owned and that you had worked at since you were old enough to speak in full sentences, you knew who he was. You didn’t even question it.
He was a werewolf. A powerful one. You could see it in the way he carried himself. The purposeful strides he took down the narrow aisles, the confidence in his broad shoulders. Humans weren’t nearly as sensitive as their hybrid counterparts but you also paid attention in your classes. Or, perhaps you were more aware than other humans. Never in your life did you have the issues other faced when meeting a non-human for the first time. You always knew who they were without them having to tell you. You just knew.
So, when Jeon Jungkook stepped up to your register with a bottle of water and some raw beef, you didn’t flinch. Didn’t bend under his dark gaze or shuffle your feet in an awkward attempt to break the silence. Instead, you flashed him your customer service smile and rang up his items. He didn’t say a word as he paid, barely sparing you a second glance as he strode out of the store.
“He’s going to be a great and powerful man,” your mother said in that feathery light voice of hers. “It was written in the stars.”
You couldn’t help but agree.
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Jeon Jungkook came into your store everyday for the next month. He bought the same thing every time. A bottle of water and a package of raw beef. The only time he spared you any words was to say thank you or the occasional hello if the sun was shining. Usually, he was alone. Sometimes, he came with a few members of his pack. You liked those days. He smiled a little brighter and talked a little louder when they were around. Especially around Taehyung.
Then, after a month, he didn’t come in. Not for an entire week. From Monday to Sunday, you hadn’t seen a hide nor hair of him. A part of you was worried, so worried that you almost stopped Taehyung in the middle of the street to ask of Jungkook’s whereabouts before realizing how insane that made you look, the other part was chastising yourself for caring. Jeon Jungkook was a customer. Nothing more, nothing less.
The following Monday had come and you had finally stopped glancing at the sliding doors every five minutes. You no longer expected his commanding presence to rock your little world. Instead, you continued your day as if it had been any other. That was, until, Jeon Jungkook stepped through the entrance looking as if he was walking on air. It didn’t take a genius to figure out why.
“Did you have a good heat?” You asked when he stepped up to your register. Jungkook fumbled the water bottle he had been setting onto the conveyer belt before turning to stare at you.
“What did you just say?”
You didn’t shrink under his intense glare. “I was asking if you enjoyed your heat. Seems like you did.”
“How do you know I was in my rut?”
“Oh, is rut the correct terminology? Sorry, they always interchanged them in class, I was never sure what was appropriate.” You shrugged and rang up his items. “It was kind of obvious, though. You seemed pretty agitated about a week-and-a-half ago, then you disappear for a week, and now you’re back looking happier than ever. If it wasn’t your rut then I want to know where you went on vacation because that’s where I’m heading to next.”
Jungkook laughed. That almost made you jump out of your skin. You had never heard him laugh before. It was throaty, it was deep, and it was wonderful. “I’ll be sure to send you the link to the Airbnb.”
“And how do you plan on doing that?”
He smirked. “I’m here every day, aren’t I?”
You tilted your head as you accepted the cash he handed to you. “Clearly, you’re not that reliable.”
Jungkook laughed again. It was becoming your new favorite sound. “My apologies. I didn’t mean to appear flaky.”
“You’re forgiven,” you decided as you handed him the plastic bag of his purchases. Teasingly, you added, “just make sure it doesn’t happen again.”
He flashed you a smile that showed off his sharpened canines. “Don’t worry, darling. I never make the same mistake twice.”
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Jeon Jungkook kept his promise. He showed up everyday, like clockwork. Bought the same thing. Arrived at the same time. The only thing that changed was how he treated you. It wasn’t that he treated you badly before, he had always been polite. But now, he talked to you. He asked you questions and answered yours. More often than not, he laughed.
(It had become your favorite sound.)
For three months, this continued. The two of you had settled into a comfortable routine, something you relied on and expected. Until, he changed that.
Until, Jeon Jungkook asked you out on a date.
“What did you just say?”
“Are you free? Tonight?” You glanced around, almost expecting to see some sort of supermodel posing behind you to explain the absolute absurdity of the situation. “What are you doing?”
“Looking for the hidden cameras. I think I’m getting Punk’d.”
Jungkook sighed and placed both hands on the counter that separated the two of you. “Look at me.” You did. Slowly and warily, but you did. “Does it look like I’m lying to you?”
Narrowing your eyes, you regarded him carefully. He seemed serious. But, then again, do you ever really know someone? “I don’t know. I’ve never actually seen you lie before so I wouldn’t know the difference.”
“Fine. Ask me what color my shirt is.”
“What color is your shirt?”
“White,” he deadpanned. You glanced down at his chest. His shirt was black.
“Jungkook!”
He threw his head back and released a full bellied laugh. Even in your exasperation you couldn’t help but soften a little. “I’m sorry, darling. I couldn’t help myself.” Annoyed, you huffed and spun to face the cash register. Stabbing your finger onto the touchscreen, you ignored Jungkook’s obvious presence on the opposite side of the counter. Until his hand reached around the card reader and grasped a hold of your chin. The warmth of his fingers forced your head to turn to meet his.
“Come to dinner with me.” His voice was nothing but a rumble in his chest, his eyes so black and all-consuming you couldn’t do anything but agree with him. He seemed pleased by your response as his fingers tightened against your skin and a grateful smile flicked past his lips. His gaze darted down to your mouth and your breath froze in your chest.
“Are you going to kiss me?”
Jungkook raised an eyebrow. “Do you want me to?”
“No.” You tried to shake your head but his grip didn’t allow you much movement. He was taken aback by your answer, a small frown tugging at his mouth. You quickly backtracked to fix the situation. “I don’t want our first kiss to be in a grocery store. That’s a new low that I refuse to reach.”
Jungkook chuckled and tapped your chin gently. “Alright, darling. I’ll pick you up at seven.”
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Again, he kept his promise to you. He showed up at your parents house exactly at seven, wearing a button-down shirt and slacks. The tulips he had gotten for you was thrust into your hands the moment you opened the door. Flashing him a genuine smile, you hurried into the kitchen to set them in water while your mother grilled him on his birth time. You were quick to drag him away, practically throwing him towards the car as you waved goodbye.
“Sorry,” you sighed as Jungkook opened the passenger door for you. “She has a…thing for astrology. She’s probably creating your star map or whatever right now.”
“It’s okay,” he responded once he got into the drivers seat. “It’s sweet of her to care.”
You snorted. “She’s delusional is what she is.”
“So, you’re saying you don’t believe in astrology?”
“Do you?”
Jungkook shrugged as he pulled out of your dirt driveway. He looked so damn attractive behind the wheel it was honestly unfair. “Not really saying I do or don’t. All I know is that there are a lot of things out there that are out of our control. If believing in the stars and planets helps you gain some of that control back, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.”
“God, don’t talk like that in front of my mother. She’ll want to start dating you.”
He grinned and placed a hand on your knee. “Tell her I’m already taken.”
You didn’t get a chance to respond to that. Not that he didn’t give you one, it was just that you literally had nothing to say. With just one sentence he opened the floodgates of your brain and the amount of thoughts that were flying through your conscious was painful. Anxiety fluttered in your stomach and you pressed your lips together to keep you from word vomiting onto him. No, it was better to keep your mouth shut and let the moment pass.
By the time you reached the restaurant you were a trembling mess of nerves. Were you guys dating? You thought this was just a ‘testing the waters’ date, not a ‘you’re my girlfriend now’ date. Did you have to make it Facebook official? You hated that shit.
Jungkook didn’t comment on your obvious distress, though. He merely placed a hand on the small of your back, ignoring how you jerked in surprise, and led you into the quiet bistro. Nodding politely to the hostess who was practically panting at the sight of him (you honestly couldn’t blame her) and pulled out your chair for you. When he sat down, he started talking. Idle chat at first. Commenting on one of the dishes, asking about the college classes you were taking at your local university. Before you realized it, wine was in your glass and your shoulders were loose. Previous nerves forgotten, you lost yourself in Jungkook. You drank, you ate, you laughed, and genuinely enjoyed his company. Honestly, it was the best date you’d ever been on.
“I have to be honest with you,” Jungkook spoke after he finished his raw steak. “I have an ulterior motive for asking you here tonight.”
“Oh,” you mumbled around the shrimp you had just tossed in your mouth. “So…this isn’t a date?”
“No, it is,” Jungkook clarified quickly around a dry chuckle. He seemed…nervous. It put you on edge immediately. “This is definitely a date. And, also, more.”
“More? What, is this a proposal too?” You were joking. A 100% joking. But Jungkook was staring at you so seriously it made you panic. “Jungkook, if you get down on one knee here I swear-”
“I’m not proposing,” he assured you. “This is something more than that.”
“More?” You parroted. Jungkook sighed.
“Do you know what a true mate is?”
Right there, in that quaint little bistro, on a date with quite possibly the most untouchable man you’d ever met, he explained how you were irrevocably his. His true mate, his soulmate.
Jungkook explained everything in great detail, which you appreciated, because honestly, you had no words. He explained how when he was born, the witch who cared for him told his father that his future glared brightly ahead of him, but only when he met his other half. True mates were rare. Mating was common, the wolves in his pack could have multiple mates or a lifelong one, but true mates were destiny. Someone or something out there had forged the two of you together. You were essentially each others other half. He was made for you and you were made for him.
“But…aren’t true mates only for wolves? I thought it’s impossible for a human to be a true mate,” you asked in a shaky voice once Jungkook took a breath.
“It was supposed to be impossible. Until, I met you.” Jungkook stared at you with a sort of reverence that made your entire body blush. “I have no idea how you are. I’ve spent hours researching. I’ve consulted with members of my pack and others. No one knows why.”
“Are you sure, though? I mean…what if you’re wrong?”
“I’m not.” Jungkook shook his head. “I visited the witch right after I met you. She took one look at me and told me that I had finally found my true mate. She said she’d never seen a future so bright before.”
You had no words for that. For the first time in your life, you were speechless. Jungkook seemed to understand. He let you sit in silence as he paid for the bill and walked you out to the car. The drive back to your parents house was the same. You couldn’t speak. The shock rendered you stupid.
By the time Jungkook pulled into the driveway you still hadn’t spoken a word to each other. You stepped out of the car before he could open the door for you. Walking up to the porch steps in a trance, you didn’t hear him follow you until he clasped your wrist in his hand. Turning to face him, you were surprised to see his brown eyes so big. They practically sparkled in the moonlight and he looked so soft and sweet you nearly melted into the wood beneath your feet.
“Please,” he whispered. “Can you…just - are you okay? You’ve been so quiet. I’m worried I’ve scared you off or something.”
With that voice, it was impossible to deny him. So, you said the first thing that popped in your head. “Do we have to make it Facebook official?”
Jungkook stared at you before bursting into laughter. “Really? That’s all you have to say?”
You blushed and glanced down. “I’m just worried, that’s all. I can’t remember my Facebook password so even if you wanted to change it I don’t think it’ll work.”
“So that’s why you never accepted my friend request,” Jungkook teased. Before you could squeak out a response, he wrapped his arms around your waist and tugged you forward. You kept your arms crossed across your chest but let yourself fall against him.
“Don’t make fun of me,” you whined as you buried your face into his shoulder. He smelled so good, a mixture of pine and spice. “My brain hasn’t worked since you told me I’m yours, so bear with me.”
Jungkook chuckled and gently swayed you from side to side. “Does that mean you’re okay with this? All of this?”
Sighing, you lifted your head up and stepped away from him. Jungkook was not impressed and pulled you back to him. Your heart swelled in your chest and you wrapped your arms around his neck in consolation. “Honestly? I haven’t really processed anything. You’ve had your whole life to come to terms with this. I just found out thirty minutes ago that I’m someone’s soulmate. It’s a lot to take in.”
Jungkook nodded as he tapped his fingers against your hips. “I know. It’s a lot…I’m a lot. I just want you to know that you don’t have to do this. You don’t have to be with me. I won’t-”
Now it was your turn to burst into laughter. You couldn’t believe those words had left his mouth. It was easily the most absurd thing you’d ever heard. “Jungkook, I want to make something very clear. I have no problem being your true mate. That’s not the issue here. Well, there really isn’t an issue. It’s just…hard to believe, I guess. I have to process that this is my new reality.”
“Really?” Jungkook perked up and looked so fucking cute you couldn’t help but cup his cheeks. His skin was so warm despite the cold autumn air that surrounded you both. “You want to do this? Be with me? Be mine?” All you could do was nod. You were so overwhelmed with emotions. The shock was evident, but a piece of you was so happy. You felt whole.
Jungkook’s face split into a wide smile that caused his nose to scrunch up. He wrapped his arms around your waist and spun you around. Squealing, you slung your legs around his hips and held on. Normally, you’d rather die than show this much affection to someone. But, this was Jungkook. Your soulmate.
“So…what do we do now?” You asked once Jungkook set you down. “Is there, like, a ceremony or something?”
“I have no idea,” he admitted as he stared down at you. He had a hand against your jaw and was rubbing your cheek tenderly. “I really didn’t think I’d get this far.”
You scoffed at his ridiculousness. While recognizing you were Jungkook’s true mate was going to take some time, believing that he thought you’d deny him was utter nonsense. “What if…what if we date, first?” You suggested timidly. “I know that sounds kind of weird considering we’re supposed to be the loves of each others lives. But, I don’t really know you all that well. And, I think this is going to take sometime for me to get used to. Maybe we should date, get to know each other, and just learn how to be with one another.”
“Whatever you want,” Jungkook agreed. “We can do whatever you want. Just as long as I have you, I’m happy.”
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Two years passed.
Two blissful, wonderful years. Two years of dating, two years of loving, two years of being Jeon Jungkook’s. It was everything you could’ve asked for and more. You had never felt so loved and cherished in your entire life. He respected you, he took care of you, and most importantly, he was there for you in every sense. Since the moment you met him, you hadn’t been alone. He hadn’t let you. Jungkook knew you better than you knew yourself.
And, it was the same for him. You were there for him when he transitioned into the leader of his pack. You were there when he took over the CEO position from his father and encouraged and supported him every step of the way. You let yourself be loved and in return he let you love him. It was wonderful.
Except, for one tiny thing.
While the emotional aspect of your relationship flourished and bloomed into something beautiful, the physical side remained stagnant. Make out sessions and heavy petting were a norm in your relationship. At first, it didn’t bother you. In fact, you loved that Jungkook was taking things so slow and so seriously. But, eventually, your needs began to grow. You found yourself wanting him in more ways than one, wants that only he could satisfy. Jungkook refused. Every time.
It wasn’t like he refused your every need. No, Jungkook was extremely attentive. When it came to himself, that’s when things got dicy. He had no problem spending hours between your legs, worshipping you until you were crying from the overstimulation. Yet, he wouldn’t let you anywhere near him. Not without lack of trying on your part. The minute your hands went down to his waistband, he pushed you away. Every time you tried to dip your mouth to the obvious bulge in his pants, he lifted you up and kissed you breathless until you forgot your name. It wasn’t until after a year of dating that he finally let you grind on his clothed cock. Even then, he held off until you finished and then walked out with quite possibly the worst case of blue balls. You hated that he did this to himself. The worst part was, you couldn’t understand why.
The one time you had brought it up to him it had resulted in the worst fight the two of you had ever gotten into. It was the only argument that was never really resolved. After the yelling and the tears, all you got out of Jungkook was that mating with a wolf was not pretty. It was extremely dangerous and he refused to put you in that kind of danger. End of discussion. No matter how hard you tried to persuade him or broach the subject, he shut it down. Hard. Eventually, you gave up.
He even spent his ruts away from you. Every three months, he left you for a week. You knew he had a place somewhere up in the mountains and you assumed that’s where he went. You had no idea. There was no point even asking to come along. You loved your boyfriend and didn’t want to purposely give him a heart attack. You hated it when he left. As much as you tried to hide it and convince him that you were just fine, he wasn’t stupid. Being away from him was tough. A piece of you was missing whenever he was gone. And you were only whole again when he returned.
This past week had been one of those weeks. He had left on Sunday for the mountains. He was agitated and clingy, how he normally was pre-rut. Jungkook wouldn’t let you leave his side and you spent most of the weekend on his lap or wrapped in his arms. Not that you minded. When he left your parents house on Sunday night, you’d had to coax him out of the door. Promising him that you’d be okay and that you’d see him next week. It wasn’t until several kisses later did Jungkook finally leave.
While you’d been doing this for two years, it never got easier. More manageable? Sure. But definitely not easier. All you could do was go through the motions. You went to work at the local bakery, came home and helped your mom with dinner, watched TV with your dad before going to bed. Taehyung and Jimin would visit often, threatened by Jungkook to keep you company. While you assured them it wasn’t necessary, you secretly didn’t mind. They made you laugh and made you temporarily forget your boyfriend was miles away from you. Sometimes, if you were lucky, he’d call you to tell you goodnight. But those times were rare. Normally, you didn’t hear from him until Friday or Saturday when he was finally coming out of his rut and returning to the world.
By the time Sunday rolled around, you were a jittery ball of nerves. Not in a bad sense. You were just excited. The anticipation killed you and it took all of your willpower to sit and wait for his text to tell you to come over. Your parents always left you alone on these Sundays, unable to deal with your hyperactiveness and constant fidgeting.
This Sunday was no different. You puttered around your room for the better part of the day. You spent the other part in the kitchen, baking like your life depended on it. Jungkook loved your cookies and you always made sure to come over with at least three batches after his ruts. He always said that was his second favorite part about coming home, after seeing you, of course.
You had just finished packaging the final batch in a glass cookie jar when your phone dinged. You didn’t have to read the message, you knew exactly what it said. Pure joy rushed through your system as you threw on your coat and shouted a hasty goodbye to your parents. Juggling the cookies and car keys, you sprinted to your car. The drive to Jungkook’s was thankfully not long. About ten minutes, as long as you didn’t hit any traffic on the main road. Luck was on your side, though, and you showed up at Jungkook’s house in eight minutes.
Taehyung’s car was in the driveway when you pulled up, which wasn’t odd. Although Jungkook owned the house, the members of his pack were almost always around. While most preferred to travel in their wolf forms, you knew Taehyung and Namjoon preferred cars. Something about being able to listen to their own music without comments from the peanut gallery. You didn’t really understand and didn’t really need to. You had just chalked it up as one of their many quirks.
Carrying the trays of cookies in both hands, you shut your car door with your foot before speed-walking up the stone walkway to Jungkook’s home. The screen door was shut, but the wooden door was swung wide open. You had just reached for the metal handle when you heard it.
A deep, threatening growl ripped through the peaceful quiet and froze you in place. You knew it was Jungkook. While you had only heard it once, you’d never forgotten it. It was when the two of you had attended a party and an alpha from a neighboring pack had cornered you in the hallway. Jungkook had found you cowered against the wall as the other alpha had caged you in. The sound that had left his chest had given you equal parts comfort and fear. Comfort, because he was there and you knew you were safe. Fear, because you could see in the way he bared his teeth and how his muscles vibrated, he had been furious and bloodthirsty.
That’s what you felt now, fear.
Something was wrong. Something was very, very wrong.
From your vantage point in front of the screen door, you could see directly into the kitchen. Taehyung was leaning against the granite countertop and Jungkook was seated at the island. The tension was so thick you practically choked on it.
“Enough, Taehyung.”
“No,” Taehyung snapped, seeming just as angry as Jungkook. “I’m not dropping it. Not this time.”
“Yes, you will,” Jungkook snarled. “I’m not having this conversation with you.”
“Too fucking bad.” While Taehyung was also an alpha, he acted so much like a beta you never really noticed. Until now. “I’m not going to sit by and watch you do this to yourself anymore. Not spending your ruts correctly is only causing you more harm than good.”
“I’m doing things the way I want to, and it’s working-”
“The hell it is!” Jungkook growled at the interruption but Taehyung ignored him. “It’s not working, and you know it. Anyone with two fucking eyes knows it. It’s getting so bad that the pack is noticing, too. Even Namjoon has realized something is wrong, and he’s as oblivious as they come.”
“If they have a problem with me they can take it up with me.”
“No, they can’t. Because you won’t listen. Your head is so far up your ass you can’t even hear yourself anymore. What you’re doing right now is not working. Something needs to change.”
“Like what?” Jungkook spat.
“You know what,” Taehyung bit back. Jungkook was practically vibrating from rage. You knew you needed to go get someone, someone from the pack to calm the two of them down. Things were only escalating, but you couldn’t move. Your brain screamed at you to run but your legs were rooted in place. “That’s is what’s so frustrating, Jungkook. This, all of this, could be solved. She’s right there-”
“Don’t.” Jungkook stood up so fast the chair he sat on flew backwards and hit the wall with a resounding crack.
“Why?” Taehyung threw his arms up in the air. “Why not? I don’t get it-”
“Because I don’t want her!” Jungkook yelled, the force of it rang throughout the house. You had no idea who the she was that they were referring to. You assumed it was someone from the pack. It was well-known that wolves with human mates sometimes turned to other she-wolves to help with their ruts. You figured that’s what Jungkook did whenever he went away for a week. It had bothered you at first, but you knew he had his needs and that they were at a biological level. You refused to make him feel guilty or ashamed for taking care of himself.
“You don’t want her?” Taehyung was enraged. You could tell by the way he straightened his spine and unfurled himself to his full height. Jungkook bristled in response and the muscles in his back strained against the thin material of his shirt.
“No, I don’t!” Jungkook exploded. “What don’t you understand about that? I don’t want her around me. I don’t need her, I’m fine on my own. The thought of having her there when…God - it makes me physically ill.”
“She’s your girlfriend. Above all of that, your true mate. You’re seriously going to deny yourself of her, for what? Just because you don’t like having her around?”
Oh.
That’s when it hit you. They weren’t talking about some random she-wolf. They were talking about you. You were the one Jungkook didn’t want. You were the one Jungkook didn’t need. You were the one he didn’t like having around. As the weight of the words sunk into your mind, you felt your chest becoming tighter and tighter.
Then, you’re heart broke right in half. You dropped the container of cookies and didn’t flinch when it shattered against the wooden slats. The sound unstuck your feet from their position on the porch and your fight or flight system took over. Without a second thought, you turned on your heel and ran.
You didn’t know if anyone was behind you, you didn’t turn around to check. Hands fumbled for the car door as you threw yourself into the drivers side. Pain ricocheted throughout your chest cavity and you struggled to breathe. Your brain was blank, the only thing your mind did was move your body to get you somewhere safe. You had to leave and you had to leave now.
Miraculously, your fingers found your keys and inserted them into the ignition on the second try. A flutter of movement occurred to the left of you but your eyes didn’t let you look that way. Instead, they focused on the rearview mirror as you reversed out of the driveway. Your right hand found the gearshift and moved it to drive. Soon, you were tearing down the street as your ears refused to register the agonized howls that echoed behind as you kept staring forward. Adrenaline pumped through your system and your body shivered in response, the splash of hormones had created a blanket of fake calm over you. The emotions, the pain, the thoughts were swirling inside of you, ready to break free and drown you, but your brain wouldn’t allow it.
It wasn’t until you reached the end of your long driveway that you felt the original spike of adrenaline fade away. Your mother was in the front, tending to the flowers, and looked up when she saw your car fly into its usual spot. She stood up and her face twisted into a frown when you got out of your seat.
“Honey, your aura…it’s concerning.” The blanket was yanked away and the pain crashed over you.
You couldn’t say a word, all you could do was collapse in your mother's arms and cry, cry, cry.
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It took you two days to calm down. The tears had stopped rolling and your shoulders no longer shook from trying to hold your sobs behind your teeth. Your mother hadn’t left your side, leaving your father to answer the door whenever someone knocked. The only person who did was Taehyung and Jimin. Jungkook never showed up.
Well, that was a lie.
Jungkook did show up every morning and night, without fail. But he never came to your doorstep.  Instead, he was in the woods behind your house, patrolling, not daring to leave the protection of the forest. A part of you wondered if he was respecting your obvious need for space or if your mother had paid a witch to set up boundary lines that didn’t allow him to cross. Either way, you were grateful that you couldn’t see him. There was an incessant tugging in your heart to be near him but you staunchly ignored it, which would’ve been impossible if you saw his achingly beautiful face.
I don’t want her. I don’t need her. Having her there makes me physically ill. Those three sentences played in a constant loop in your head, like a horror movie you couldn’t escape from. You were the protagonist who couldn’t escape the maze, but the villain wasn’t kind enough to kill you off. No matter what you did, your brain wouldn’t stop repeating those three sentences. Your mother burned sage, she pressed crystals into your palms, she muttered ritual after ritual, but nothing worked.
You hated how affected you were. You had always told yourself that you would never be the girl who’d get so wrapped up in someone else they didn’t know who they were anymore. Independence was something you prided yourself on, but you seemed to be at a complete loss now. You couldn’t stop the waves of sadness and self-hatred at your depressed state. It was amazing how empty you felt yet so full of pain at the same time. Your mind and heart couldn’t seem to decide which hurt worse; your heart for having your soulmate so obviously reject you, or your brain for trying to make sense of the situation. When did this happen? How did this happen? How had you been so blind as to not see it?
“I don’t think we’re soulmates,” you rasped to your mom on the third morning. It had been the first words you had spoken to her since you had fell into her arms. She looked up from the bundle of herbs she was smoking.
“Why do you say that?”
You stared at your hands that had curled in on themselves. “I don’t make him happy. I-I never realized how uncomfortable I made him. I wish I had known. How did I miss it?”
Your mother tutted gently and gathered you in her arms. She smelled of lavender and wax. “This is good. I’m glad you’re letting yourself have this moment. Let’s sit in this and allow yourself to be embedded here.” But you didn’t want to have this moment. You didn’t want to have any moment and you’ve felt enough to last a lifetime. Instead, you rolled over, let sleep overtake you and tried to ignore the distant howling that rattled your window pane.
By nightfall of the fourth day, you were forced out of bed. Partly by choice, partly by force. Your parents had dipped out to run to the grocery store, despite your mother’s insistence that she could stay. You and your father managed to convince her to leave and you had gotten up to wave them goodbye. Sure, your heart was broken, but the least you could do was kiss them on the cheek before they left. You had turned around to shuffle into the kitchen to try and shovel something down your dry throat when a loud knock sounded at the front door. Hesitating, you carefully peeked through the kitchen window and saw Jimin on your front doorstep, dressed in all black.
Sighing, you stumbled over and pulled the door open. You figured you couldn’t avoid them for much longer. “Hey, Jimin.”
“Christ, you look like shit.”
You huffed out a laugh as Jimin stared at you in horror, not having the energy to be offended. You also knew, in a weird way, that this was Jimin’s way of caring for you. “Yeah. My mother’s covered all the mirrors in the house.”
Jimin nodded as he glanced at you from head to toe. “I want to ask if you’re okay but…” He gestured to your gaunt frame swaddled in a heavy sweatshirt and sweatpants. For the first time in two years, they were your own clothes, not Jungkook’s.
“I’m fine, Jimin,” you heaved a heavy sigh and leaned against the doorframe. “Do you want to come in? I think my mom boiled some tea not too long ago.”
Jimin shook his head. “Can’t. Jungkook would have a fit if I got that close to you right now. I’m already pushing my luck just by showing up.” He doesn’t care, you thought bitterly, and almost said it out loud but you caught yourself at the last second. Jimin wasn’t stupid, though. He knew what you were thinking. “Hey,” he murmured, eyes going soft, “are you ready to talk about it?”
“No.” You shook your head. A wave of sadness washed over you but the telltale prick of tears didn’t come.
Jimin understood. He tucked his hands into his pockets as he rocked back onto his heels. “Are you going to talk to him?”
Letting out a heavy breath, you crossed your arms over your chest. “I know I have to. I just…I just need time.”
“Take however long you need.”
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It was another 48-hours before you finally snapped. While you had spent the majority of the two days that had passed to make yourself resemble a human being, you couldn’t focus. You couldn’t move on. Why?
Because Jungkook wouldn’t leave you alone.
His presence was constant. He circled your house every hour of ever day, the large shadow of him in wolf form darkened the trees behind your house. The howling had stopped but the pacing hadn’t. You hoped he was at least sleeping, but then you got annoyed at yourself for caring. You didn’t know why he was out there, it made no sense. Jungkook’s words were so different from his actions it made your head spin.
But, you needed to move on with your life. You had to. The only way it was going to happen was if Jungkook did too. It hurt. God, did it hurt. Yet, as sad and utterly pathetic as it sounded, you were used to the pain at this point, had resigned yourself to it. A part of you worried you wouldn’t know what to do without it.
Shaking off that depressing thought, you tugged on your rain boots and stepped outside for the first time in a week. The air was heavy with the promise of rain, the clouds low and gray. You tugged the hood up on your sweater to prevent your hair from completely frizzing out before you walked to down the back deck steps.
The backyard of your parents house was expansive. The home you had grown up in sat on top of a sloping hill that your mother had turned into her personal greenhouse. You stepped past rows of raised garden beds and pruned plants until you reached the line where the neatly mowed grass met the twisted ferns of the forest floor. As you had suspected, the ground was scorched with the evidence of past rituals. While your mother hadn’t out right admitted, you had figured someone had come and created a boundary line. It was obviously specific to Jungkook since Jimin and Taehyung were still able to visit. While your mother’s methods were extreme, you understood. As difficult as it was to move on with your life with Jungkook sequestered to the forest, you couldn’t imagine what it would’ve been like if he was within a few feet of you.
With a deep inhale, you sat down on the damp grass and waited. After a few minutes, you could hear the faint sounds of paws hitting the wet earth. The galloping got louder and louder until there was a momentary stretch of silence before it changed to footsteps.
When Jungkook emerged from the trees, you weren’t prepared. Although you knew you wouldn’t be, you still weren’t expecting it to hurt this bad. Your chest squeezed painfully at the first look of his broad form. Technically, it had been two weeks since you two had truly seen each other, the longest you’d ever gone. What hurt the most was how badly you longed for him. You wanted nothing more than to run straight into his arms, bury your face into his chest, and forget everything. Just forgive and give your heart what it wanted. But you remained firmly in place.
Jungkook looked as if he had seen a ghost. Which, to be fair, was probably true since you hadn’t seen the sun in seven days. His normally golden skin was pale and even from where you sat you could see the dark circles bruising under his eyes. Clearly, he hadn’t been sleeping. You hated that you noticed. You hated that you cared. He was dressed in all black and his chest strained against the material of his sweater. His hands were balled into tight fists at his side and the sight reminded you of why you were here.
“Hi.” Probably wasn’t the best start but it was the best you could do. Jungkook didn’t respond so you soldiered on. “I-I know you don’t want to be here, so I’ll make this quick. I just…wanted to apologize. I had no idea I made you so uncomfortable. I’m not sure how long you’ve felt this way about me, not that it really matters, but I wish you had told me sooner. Maybe things would’ve been easier for you, who knows.” You released a heavy sigh and tried to shove down the stone in your throat as you forced the next words out of your mouth. “But, all of that doesn’t matter anymore. I think I understand what you need, now. I know you loved me at one point, but I’m obviously not what you need anymore. And…t-that’s okay - I swear it is. All I want is for you to be happy, Jungkook. And I think, in order for that to happen, I need to move on. We both need to move on-”
“Stop it,” Jungkook broke in with a harsh voice that cut your sentence in half. “Stop talking.”
It felt like he had slapped you in the face. A wave of humiliation washed over you and you visibly flinched. Staggering to your feet, you locked your gaze onto your boots in an attempt to hide the tears that dripped down your nose. “I’m sorry,” you whispered, not expecting it to change anything. You began to turn away but Jungkook stopped you in your tracks, again.
“Wait, no - stop. Stop. Please…don’t go,” he pleaded. When you turned around, his eyes were frantic. Jungkook’s hand was raised from his side as if he thought about reaching out to you but something stopped him. His words were at war with one another and you were caught in the middle, at a loss for what he was trying so desperately to convey to you.
“Jungkook, I’m so confused.”
“I know. I’m sorry. God, I’m sorry.” Jungkook tucked his head into his hands before dropping down into a squat. “This is all wrong. This is all so wrong.”
You knew you should walk away. You had said your piece, it was time to move on, just as you had said. Yet, you couldn’t. It was as if your heart was tethered to him and your body couldn’t handle the pain of walking away. “Listen-”
“I don’t know what to do.” He cut you off but the bubbles of anger that had risen from being interrupted popped once you saw how lost he looked. His tattooed fingers threaded through his hair, allowing you to see the pure anguish that twisted his features. “Whenever I feel like this, I come to you. Because you always know what to do. Any situation, no matter what, you can handle it. It’s something I’ve always admired about you.”
The way he spoke to you now, so reverently and so full of awe, made your head spin. Nothing made sense.  It was such a blatant contrast to the brutality that he had spat out a week ago. As much as you wanted to believe what he said now, those stupid words could not get out of your head. It was a constant reminder that never shut up.
“I don’t know what to do either,” you admitted in a quiet voice.
“Tell me,” Jungkook begged, as if he couldn’t and refused to comprehend what you had just told him. “Tell me what to do, and I’ll do it. Whatever you want from me, I’ll give you.”
You were shaking your head before he could finish. “There’s nothing you can do, Jungkook. Nothing.”
“Don’t say that.” He stared at you, horrified. “Don’t say that to me. Please, there has to be something.”
“What could there be?” You cried. Tears streamed down your cheeks now. “You said it yourself, being near me makes you sick. Why would I stay? Why would you want me to? I refuse to make you uncomfortable anymore - so that’s that.”
“It isn’t,” Jungkook argued back. “It can’t be. I-I can’t lose you, I can’t. I need to make this right, please just let me. Please.”
But, you were tired. You were so fucking tired. You were exhausted of the emotional rollercoaster that you were on that you just wanted to crawl away and hide. All the fight seeped out of you as your shoulders slumped forward. Jungkook saw this and the blood drained from his face. You were giving up, he could see it, and it scared the shit out of him.
“Jungkook, I need to go, okay? I-I can’t do this.”
“No!” Jungkook shouted and shot up to his feet. The pure panic that choked his voice brought on a fresh set of tears that you struggled to hold back. “Just let me explain, okay? I swear to God, after you hear what I have to say, if you still want me to, I’ll let you go. I won’t fight you on it. But, please let me tell you the truth. Give me a chance to make this right. You deserve that.”
You hesitated for a moment. Deep down, you knew you should let him talk. Not because you necessarily thought he deserved to, but because he was right. You did deserve the truth, no matter how much it broke your heart. With a heavy sigh and a quick swipe of your cheeks, you nodded. Once Jungkook was sure you weren’t going to leave, he began pacing. Looking every bit like the wild animal you knew him to be but never got to see.
“Mating with a werewolf is…brutal. It’s intense, it’s painful and it isn’t pretty. It’s essentially a breeding session where I use you as a vessel to fulfill my innate biological needs. It’s not romantic, it’s not gentle. Even for she-wolves it can be too much. The thought of subjecting you to something like that - that type of pain…I couldn’t fathom it. I don’t think you understand just how precious you are to me. The image of you being battered and bruised because of me, something I did…it tormented me, day and night.” He paused for a moment, the pained look in his eyes made you shiver. You hated that he had gone through all of this turmoil on his own, and you especially hated how you never made more of an effort to try and relieve him of it.
“I couldn’t do it. That’s partially the reason I waited so long to tell you that you were my true mate. I knew ruts were something I would never expose you to even though it’s such a huge part of my life, a wolf’s life.” Jungkook looked you straight in the eye, the intensity of his dark gaze took your breath away. “I know the practices other wolves partake in when their own heats or ruts arrive. I know you know them too. But, I need you to understand something. The moment you allowed me to be yours and vice versa, I haven’t had anyone else since. I swear on my life, I’ve spent every single one of my ruts alone. I wouldn’t and I won’t do that to you.”
“Isn’t that painful, though?” Your voice cracked but neither one of you acknowledged it. While your knowledge on ruts were expansive, having done plenty of research since being with Jungkook, you had obviously never experienced one.
“It’s manageable. It’s way more painful for a she-wolf to go through her heat alone than it is for a male.” Jungkook clenched and unclenched his fists as he resumed his pacing. “The worst part is being away from you. I’ve been going through ruts since puberty, I can handle them. But not being able to be with you for a whole week…I hated it. Still do. I dread that three month mark. And as time went on, I became more and more miserable. Being apart from you was almost unbearable but the other option…I never even allowed myself to consider it.
“It came to the point where the pack was noticing. I wasn’t getting the proper pheromonal release from my ruts and it was beginning to affect those around me. Taehyung has been on my ass for months now to get over myself and take you with me during my next rut. Each time I’d give him some excuse, but it was getting harder and harder to justify what I was doing. At first, I was convinced it was because I was protecting you. But you’ve been so understanding and so patient with me and my life, those excuses were becoming useless. Eventually, I think it was because I was protecting myself. I was - am - so scared. I’m terrified that I could hurt you when I’m like that. That I wouldn’t be able to notice or worse, ignored, if something happened to you. Living with that type of fear became debilitating. So, I just kept my mouth shut and kept you away from that part of me.”
Jungkook shook his head and chuckled humorlessly. “Now I know that was the worst possible thing I could do. That I was just hurting you more. What you walked into last Sunday was a culmination of my frustrations that I was refusing to deal with. While it’s not a valid reason, I’m well aware of that, I need you to know that what you heard was not the truth. It couldn’t be further from it. Because the truth is that I’m hopelessly in love with you and the thought of being without you hurts worse than I ever thought was possible.”
It wasn’t the first nor would it be the last time that Jungkook left you speechless. It took you a full minute to process what he had said. Jungkook granted you the silence although he became increasingly more agitated as time passed. His boots scuffed the dead leaves that littered the ground and his pacing led him closer to the ashes that lay before your feet. Then, he’d suddenly stalk off with a growl as he was forced to keep away.
“I-” you cleared your throat around the lump that had found a home there. “I had no idea. This whole time…I thought it was because you didn’t want me.”
“God, no.” Jungkook swore heavily as his muscles bunched and coiled beneath his clothes. “The - the fact that…you - fuck. I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. That’s not it, that’s not it at all. You’re my dream girl, you’re the love of my life, and I want you every second of every day.”
Maybe it’s because you were emotionally drained and had no mental strength left. Maybe, you needed to hear those words from Jungkook more than you realized. Whatever the reason was, it wasn’t worth trying to figure out an explanation as you sunk to the ground and burst into tears.
Jungkook lost it across from you. Broken whines stained the air as he carded through his hair anxiously. He kept trying to get to you, to try to soothe you. But the boundary was unfortunately doing its job and each attempt was met with failure. Curses were spat out until eventually, he got as close as the boundary would let him and fell to his knees. He began spewing whatever came to mind first, unsure of what to do. All he knew was that you were crying because of him and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. He thought hearing you cry from your bedroom window was torture, but nothing could compare to hearing you break down in front of him. Nothing. “Fuck, fuck, fuck. I’m sorry…please, I’m so sorry. I - don’t cry, darling. Please don’t. I’m so sorry I hurt you, I didn’t mean to, I swear.”
It wasn’t tears of heartbreak that leaked from your eyes. Instead, it was tears of relief. While your heart had wholly accepted his words as the truth, the logical part of you reminded yourself that the two of you had way more talking to do. This was far from over, but the relief of knowing that he loved you and he was yours…it was indescribable.
You finally lifted your head up and were shocked to find Jungkook’s cheeks glistening with moisture. Your only thought was to comfort him as you scrambled forward to do just that. Instead of feeling his smooth skin against the palm of your hand, you were blocked by what felt like a wall although nothing stood in your way. Frowning, you realized with a start that the boundary worked both ways. Jungkook let out a frustrated growl as he glared at the ashes that was stopping both of you from getting what you wanted. It was silent for a few moments until an idea popped into your head.
“Wait here,” you announced before jumping up and taking off for the house. Ignoring Jungkook’s distressed cry, you ran inside. You yanked your car keys off from their designated hook and quickly typed out a text to your parents to let them know where you were going before spinning around and sprinting back outside. Jungkook was where you left him, although he stumbled to his feet when he saw you reappear.
“I’m going to your house,” you announced, breathless. “No witch is stupid enough to go that far into werewolf territory. If you want to talk to me there, then follow me.”
Jungkook stared at you for a heartbeat until the words you spoke clicked. “Y-yeah. Yes. Okay. I’ll be there.”
With a curt nod, you ran to your car. For the first time in a week, a faint sprout of hope bloomed in your chest.
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It was the longest and shortest ten minutes of your life. The drive to Jungkook’s seemed to last a lifetime but also was over within a blink of an eye. The tears had stopped flowing by the time you pulled your car into his driveway, but you felt the telltale prick in your eyes when you saw him burst from the trees. Your heart ached as his long legs ate up the distance between you two as you wrestled with your seatbelt and threw the car into park. By the time you freed yourself, he was at the hood of your car.
The two of you stared at each other for a few breathless moments. You weren’t sure who moved first, but it didn’t matter as you crashed into each other’s arms. The moment his searing warmth enveloped you, you dissolved into another puddle of sobs. The feeling of his thick arms banded across your back, his torso molded to yours, and his hair tickling your ear, felt so right. Another wave of crippling relief washed over you and you practically melted against Jungkook. But he held you up, just like he always had.
He leaned against the front bumper while his hands were everywhere. Cradling your head into his neck, smoothing over your hips, or running circles over your shoulders. He was crying, you could feel the tears dampening your hair. But you were soaking his shirt so no one was in any position to complain.
“I’m sorry,” you whispered.
“Don’t,” Jungkook hissed fiercely as he squeezed you tighter. “Don’t apologize. This isn’t your fault, not in the slightest.”
“Kook,” you sighed and pulled your head back to get a good look at him. “It takes two to tango.”
“Not this time,” he argued. “You’ve put up with so much. You’re everything I could’ve asked for and more. It was my own fears that got in the way and created this mess. And I’m so sorry for that, darling. I’m so fucking sorry.”
You shushed him gently, running your thumbs over his cheeks to swipe at the dried tears. “I know you’re sorry. I believe you.”
Jungkook dipped his head further into your touch with a pleased rumble vibrating through his chest. He kissed your palm gently, sniffing at your wrist. It made you giggle. “Missed that,” Jungkook mumbled as he stared at you with stars in his eyes. “Missed you. Missed you so much.”
A fresh wave of tears cascaded down your cheeks. You were positive that you looked like a mess, hair in a knotted bun, face red and puffy and you kept sniffling every two seconds. But Jungkook looked at you as if you held the world in your hands. “Missed you too,” you murmured in return. “Please, next time, just talk to me. I may not have the answers you’re looking for all the time, but I’ll always be here to listen.”
“I know,” Jungkook whispered. “There won’t be a next time, promise. If I happen to be stupid enough to put us in this position again, I give you full permission to punch me in the face.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” You lifted yourself onto your toes to brush your lips against his, dropping back down to your feet when his head chased after yours. “Or maybe I just won’t kiss you for a week.”
Jungkook’s eyes widened comically and he actually looked terrified. “I’d rather you just punched me in the face.” You tilted your head back and laughed. Jungkook tugged you closer and nosed your throat before peppering gentle kisses along the exposed skin. Sighing happily, you tilted your head to allow him better access and rested your cheek on his shoulder.
“I love you,” you said quietly. Jungkook froze for a split second before he sank against you. Squeaking in shock, you scrambled to brace yourself against the sudden weight pressing you towards the house.
“Say it again,” Jungkook pleaded. You couldn’t deny him. Dusting feather light kisses to the shell of his ear, you repeated those three words again, and again, and again. Each time you did, Jungkook held you a little tighter and cried a little harder.
Eventually, you’re murmured promises became softer and softer until the two of you just enjoyed each others presence. “C’mon,” you finally whispered as you started to lift yourself off of him. Jungkook growled and refused to let you move an inch farther. “Kook, come on. Let’s go inside. Your ass must be numb by now.”
“Don’t care,” he grumbled but he at least shuffled forward a bit more so that your combined weight wasn’t squashing his ass against your car.
“You might say that now, but you won’t be saying that later.”
Jungkook grunted at your logic but he at least raised his head and looked at you with the sweetest eyes. “Please tell me you’re staying.”
Giggling, you asked, “do you want me to?”
“Obviously,” he scoffed. “I want you here forever.” Jungkook tilted his head thoughtfully. “Actually, you should just move in with me.”
Christ, this boy was going to give you whiplash. You couldn’t help but laugh. “Jungkook, we just made up. The whole reason we were in this mess is because of poor communication. Don’t you think we should work on that first before anything else?”
“But…we could work on communication all the time if we’re together 24/7.” Despite his pout, you knew he wasn’t totally serious. Although you were sure it was going to come up again.
“Alright, you maniac,” you said fondly. “Take me to bed.” Jungkook’s chest rumbled happily as he lifted you up and wrapped your legs around his trim waist.
It wasn’t a long walk to his bedroom, but the exhaustion of the past week caught up to you and the gentle rocking of his steps lulled you into a serene state. Not quite asleep, but not quite awake either. You were aware when Jungkook placed you on his bed, practically engulfed in his scent. The last thing you remember before falling asleep was the words Jungkook pressed into your hair has he slid in behind you.
“Love you forever, my darling girl.”
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amistytown · 3 years
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The Brothers Comfort MC During a Panic Attack
This is my first attempt at writing down my headcanons for the brothers, so I apologize if anything is out of character. I meant it to be short and sweet, but it grew out of my control after a while. I’m a perfectionist and wanted to rewrite everything. I made minor edits and am posting it anyway or it’ll sit in my drafts forever; I admit I put the most effort into Lucifer’s, forgive me. Also sorry for the repetitiveness and any typos you may find. I decided to write how the brothers would comfort MC during a panic attack, especially as someone who suffers from anxiety and panic attacks themselves. Honestly, I wrote this as a way to comfort myself since I’ve been dealing with terrible anxiety lately. Of course, everyone experiences anxiety differently, so I can only speak from my own experiences. I didn’t go into detail when it comes to the symptoms themselves because it’s from the point of view of the brothers and only so many are visible to the eye. Trigger warning for depictions of anxiety and panic attacks. Thank you for reading!
LUCIFER
Lucifer is troubled. Following lunch, you disappeared, currently absent from class. This is unlike you, his worry intensifying every minute you’re out of his sight. Yet he maintains his composure, resigning himself to scouring the academy grounds. Time passes at a torturous pace, his thoughts beginning to take a turn for the worst. He contemplates whether to involve his brothers and Lord Diavolo himself at this rate, however the sound of his D.D.D diverts his attention. A wave of relief washes over him at the sight of your name lighting up his screen, chased by frustration at you, your silence, and himself for losing track of you so easily; he couldn’t bear living if anything happened to you under his watch. He expects this behavior from his brothers, not you. Though his heart sinks, the Avatar of Pride uncharacteristically overcome with guilt while he reads your message. Of course, you are not his brothers. He should not have doubted you.
Your texts are apprehensive, a weighty pause between them as you hesitate to lay bare the darkest depths of your soul. He approaches you cautiously, to avoid upsetting you further. Your words alone convey the sheer panic taking possession of you, the last of your strength used to press send. Outside he discovers you, huddled miserably in an isolated corner of the building, swathed in shadow. The desire to shelter you from the world burns within him, but your eyes widen fearfully in his presence, wounding his pride. Immediately, you apologize. Sorry you’re missing class, that you left without telling anyone, and upset him—especially when you’re aware of his busy schedule. You’re sorry for not having the courage to pull yourself together, succumbing to your anxiety, your shame palpable. The hand clutching your D.D.D is trembling, your chest heaving as you struggle to breathe. He aches for you, each tear shed hurting more than the last, your pain managing to touch the very core of his being and set him alight.
If anyone is sorry, it’s him, pride be damned. Kneeling in front of you, he assures you an apology isn’t necessary—your wellbeing of great importance to him. He wants you to rely on him, grateful you confided in him despite your doubts. Hopefully, he can eventually put your mind at ease. His voice low, soothing, he continues to console you, making sure you’re aware he’s not upset, and your feelings are valid. Although he’s not familiar with the inner workings of anxiety itself, he’s willing to listen, learning how to support you to the best of his ability—starting today, providing you’re comfortable accepting his offer. Initially, he prioritized your safety for the sake of the exchange program and Lord Diavolo’s wish to unite the three realms, now it’s merely out of adoration for you, his beloved. Once you’re ready, he’ll let you know you’re not alone. He’s never too busy on your behalf. 
Offering you his hand, a smile graces his features as you accept. Slowly, he helps you to your feet, steadying you against him. He notes the way you relax at his touch, shoulders sagging and head coming to rest on his chest. Only you exist in this moment, his gaze not leaving you, not even for a second. Standing in silence until your breathing settles and you regain your balance, he sees you through the height of your attack before escorting you back to the House of Lamentation. He’ll personally excuse you from the remainder of your classes, understanding you need a quiet place to recover. Classical music plays softly in the background of his room, and he’s content to have you in his embrace, drawing you onto his lap after you finish the tea he brewed to calm your nerves. Lucifer pays you special attention, massaging your tired body and kissing you tenderly, his breath fanning across your lips as he reminds you how special you truly are—brave, compassionate, and incredibly loved.
MAMMON
Mammon mourns his loss, wondering how he let them gain the upper hand; admittedly, a foolish mistake on his part. He dreads breaking the news to Lucifer, and the resentment that shows on his brothers’ faces once he confesses does little to ease his mind. Still, he worries about your reaction most of all, knowing his stupidity has put you in a precarious position. In that moment he believes their words—only a greedy scumbag like himself dares to place his human’s happiness on the line. Although certain of his win at the time, he should consider how his actions affect you more often; otherwise, how can he claim he’s the Great Mammon? His confidence is his downfall in the end. Now you’ll suffer along with him. Yet you feign optimism, attempting to soothe everything over despite your innocence. His guilt only grows, a heavy weight on his shoulders. One he deserves.
Three days of waiting on and performing for large crowds at The Fall proves hectic for everyone. He can tell you’re struggling beneath the façade of a composed and hospitable server, going above and beyond to ensure the patrons leave satisfied. Furthermore, you lend him and his brothers a hand, coming to their rescue; it should be him making it as easy on you as possible. His concern for you runs deep, no matter how hard he tries to maintain his usual air of indifference, but you have the nerve to reassure him—it’s meant to be the opposite, dammit. Each night he goes out of his way to check on you, frustrated that you continue to dance around the subject. He can see the exhaustion on your face, hear the slight tremor in your voice, the toll his stupid decision is taking on you, and it stung. You comfort him, even when he’s undeserving, so why won’t you allow him to hold you and kiss the pain away? Not that he’s asked. You should realize by now you can rely on him, right?
Watching you suffer in silence tortures him. He can’t deny it regardless of his best effort to make light of the situation. You barely eat or spend time outside your room, saying you’re tired, which isn’t a lie—working is exhausting, no doubt about it—but he understands you well enough to notice the subtle signs of your anxiety, your smile unable to trick him into believing otherwise. Perhaps you find him as insufferable as his brothers do, or worse, and don’t want to see his face after what he’s done. That doesn’t stop him from showing up at your door, hoping he can offer some form of comfort. However, you keep up appearances, supporting the seven of them during the longest weekend of their lives. You work hard too, his chest swelling with pride as he watches you care for his brothers and customers alike. How can you like an idiot like him? You’re selfless and loving, looking past his flaws to see what lay beneath his sin. His human. His angel. He wants—no needs—you to be okay.
The last day comes and goes in a blur. Finally, he can toss these ridiculous clothes and rabbit ears in the trash and never perform that dance again. Better yet, you’re free of his burden, though the guilt remains. He can’t relax until he’s positive you’re okay, knowing he’s genuinely sorry. Standing outside your room, he tries to muster up the courage to open his heart to you—apologies not his strong suit—when he hears you crying. They’re small, muffled sobs that manage to shake him to his core, blood running cold. Yeah, he should knock, but he can’t control himself, throwing the door open without hesitation and rushing to your side. The sight of your tears is almost too much to bear, and he draws you into his embrace, face heating up at his own moment of vulnerability, but this is about you, not him. He can be strong for you too, telling you everything’s going to be okay, that the Great Mammon is here to help.
After his stupidity, you tell him you were afraid to bother him? He can hardly suppress the shock at your confession, the sadness in your eyes breaking his heart. You wanted to make sure it went smoothly for his sake? You suffer through Hell alone because you chose to put his feelings first? Crazy. Though he thanks you, not completely ashamed to admit he’s touched. However, he tells you that you don’t have to put aside your feelings for his benefit; he prefers to be by your side then know you’re having a rough time on your own. He is your first. Taking the initiative, he asks what he can do to make it up to you, no matter how big or small the request is because he’ll do it in a heartbeat. You opt to stay in his arms, burying your face into his chest, and he wipes away your remaining tears, being as gentle as he possibly can. He can feel how tense your body is, your skin unnaturally warm, and it takes a while until you stop shaking. It’s moments like these he’ll tell you how much you mean to him—that he loves you, okay—and he wants you to come to him for everything. He’ll hold you, taking your hand in his, and kiss you with all the adoration in the world because you’re incredibly important to him. Mammon can attest to that.
LEVIATHAN
Leviathan invites you to his room to play video games, a daily routine the two of you have comfortably fallen into. He loves gaming with you, though on occasion you opt to watch instead, thoroughly enthralled by whatever is on the screen. Miraculously, you enjoy listening to him ramble—whether it’s about the game he’s playing, anime he’s watching, or TSL among other things—genuinely showing interest in his passions; he’s incapable of expressing how truly grateful he is for your company. His heart nearly bursts whenever you compliment him on his gaming prowess, encourage him during a particularly intense battle, or merely tell him how you enjoy hanging out. How in the Devildom did a gross otaku like him get so incredibly lucky? He can hardly believe you love him of all demons. The thought alone sounds crazy lmao. 
Unable to contain his excitement, he awaits your arrival that night, ensuring everything is perfect when he hears a knock on the door. However, his smile fades the moment he lays eyes on you, mind beginning to race as he wonders why you look miserable, your gaze trained on your hands. Before he can speak, you apologize, dissolving into tears while you return the game he let you borrow. You’re stuttering, completely winded, and he can barely hear you confess to accidentally corrupting his data in your panic. In fact, he loses track of the number of times you choke out a sorry. He treasures his games, his collection extensive, but he cherishes you most of all. The loss is a minor annoyance, nothing that lessens the feelings he harbors for you. Although difficult, he overcomes his insecurities to show you it’s okay—you’re loved.
Not only are you sad, but you’re also terrified, a part of him wanting to destroy the game itself if it means you never have to experience the pain that torments you now. Regarding you carefully, afraid to make matters worse, he reassures you that he’s not upset—far from it, honestly—and that he cares about you more than any game. No stranger to your panic attacks, he reaches out to take your hand in his, hoping you find comfort in what he has to offer. And when you finally glance up, hope shining in your tear-filled eyes, he can’t help but wrap you in his arms. A warmth spreads across his face, heart pounding in his ears, but he knows you need him, allowing his body to relax around yours.
Holding you against him, he tells you everything’s all right, stuttering out how he loves you and, most importantly, wants to you to feel better. Your arms circle around his waist, causing his heart to jump into his throat, but he only pulls you closer. You’re his Henry, and what friend is he if you can’t rely on him? Leviathan is understanding, wanting you to come to him for support at your most vulnerable. Now he puts his knowledge to the test, easing you into his room with continuous words of affirmation. You always know how to console him at his lowest, and he hopes he can return the favor. If anyone deserves to feel loved it’s you, who brought joy into his otherwise bleak world, and he’ll sit with you every day and night if you need him to. 
SATAN
Satan knows he shouldn’t be awake, though he finds it difficult to satiate his curiosity as he peruses the books lining his shelves. He barely registers the sound of his D.D.D, reluctant to put the book aside to see who’s messaging him at this ungodly hour; Asmodeus most likely. His tune changes after he sees your name lighting up his screen, his annoyance replaced with worry. He knows you struggle, especially at night, but he can tell you’re hesitant to reach out. Nevertheless, you gradually begin to confide in him, his patience limitless if you’re concerned, and he feels a sense of relief that you choose to trust him at your most vulnerable instead of suffering on your own. Pouring over every book he can locate on anxiety, he studies it religiously, engraining each page into his memory. Not by giving unsolicited advice—he doesn’t want to make that mistake twice—but by comforting you the best he can, even if it simply means to stay by your side, waiting for the panic to pass.
A second later, he appears at your door, gaze softening as your eyes meet. In the darkness of your room, he can tell how exhausted you are. You apologize for bothering him, particularly this late, but he dismisses you with a shake of his head and a reassuring smile, sitting beside you on the bed. It saddens him that you feel the need to, but he’s familiar enough with anxiety by now that he understands how much of a manipulative monster it truly is; if only he can destroy it with his own two hands, strangling the life out of it so it no longer taints that innocent soul of yours. To watch you struggle fills him with a rage that he forces deep within himself, fully aware anger isn’t the answer no matter how great his desire to protect you is. So, he cups your face in his hands, your skin warm beneath his fingers as he strokes your flushed cheeks and presses your foreheads together. 
Focus on him, he tells you, the steady rhythm of his breathing, and his voice while he whispers words of love and encouragement. He never tires of letting you know how beautiful and strong you are, that he’s always here for you and loves you—all of you. You unravel in his arms, opening your heart up to him, and he listens intently, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips the moment you look uncertain. You’re not a burden he promises, hoping one day you’ll believe it yourself, but he’ll remind you every chance he gets; forever if he must. It’s worth it in the end, when you relax against him and smile, kissing him in return. Slowly, the anxiety leaves your body, Satan thankful that the waves of panic have receded enough to let you rest your weary mind. He remains next to you, pulling you down to lay your head on his chest and closing your hand in his, entwining your fingers. He’s content here with you, watching you fall asleep and chasing away the nightmares.
ASMODEUS
Asmodeus loves shopping, but he loves shopping with you most of all. The day is bright with you by his side, and he can’t help but buy you clothes and matching accessories to bring out your inherent charm. Your potential is endless, and he gushes over how gorgeous you are, unable to contain his excitement when your cheeks turn a beautiful shade of pink in return. He can hardly control himself around you, gaze fixated on your every movement and heart racing each time you flash him one of the sweetest smiles he’s ever seen; your very soul seeming to shine through and blind him. Nothing prepares him for the love he feels for you, but he considers it a welcome surprise, his desire to grow closer to you intensifying day after day. You captivate him, the Avatar of Lust of all demons. What an exciting turn of events!
Of course, he attracts attention wherever he goes, posing for pictures with adoring fans and basking in the compliments constantly thrown his way; nothing new, but he enjoys it, nonetheless. Who can resist the allure of his very presence? However, anger wells within him at the sight of you being shoved to the side, falling to the ground and lost to the crowd that has gathered. Their words of flattery fall on deaf ears as he rushes to you, throwing a heated glance at the lowly demon who dares to touch his darling human. He desires nothing more than to punish them for such an injustice, but the fear in your eyes tells him otherwise. By the time he scoops you up into his arms you’re trembling from head to toe, and he can feel your heart pounding against him. A part of him places the blame on himself, an unfamiliar feeling, but he chooses to ignore it for now, focusing on getting you home in your worsening state.
In the peace and quiet of his room, he sits you on the bed, wrapping you in his arms as he affectionately runs his fingers through your hair. He can tell you’re upset—in an absolute state of panic by the looks of it—and all he can do is hold you through it, quietly asking what you need and willing to answer your every beck and call if it means that adorable smile graces your features once more. For a moment he considers seeking out Lucifer, worried something has gone terribly wrong, but thankfully you find your voice, mumbling into his chest about anxiety and panic attacks, that you’ll be fine—eventually—and are sorry for ruining your date. He doesn’t understand completely, though he knows you need him, promising to stay by your side for as long as you want. Kissing your cheek, he assures you there’s no need to apologize to him, your safety more important than anything else; the demon who laid his hands on you won’t go without punishment either.
Admitting a bath helps calm you down, he prepares one for you, steam rising from the surface and the heady scent of roses filling the air. Together you slip into the water, enveloped by its warmth, and he hums in contentment as you lean into him, his arms coming to rest around your waist. He watches you carefully, making sure you’re able to relax and preparing himself in case you call on him; he’ll do anything for you if it brings you the happiness you deserve. Your eyes flutter close, Asmodeus showering you with delicate kisses, comforted by the fact your breathing has levelled out and you appear a lot calmer than before. The day didn’t go as planned, and he hopes to make it up to you, vowing that no one else will hurt you on his watch. He loves himself. He loves his brothers. But loves you most of all.
BEELZEBUB
Beelzebub notices you haven’t touched your dinner and is beyond happy the moment you offer your plate to him. Yet he can’t bring himself to enjoy the food in front of him while you excuse yourself from the table, eyes downcast and voice quiet, the usual smile gone from your face and leaving behind an emptiness that rivals his own hunger. His mouth waters at the thought of seconds, but his concern for you grows, and he decides to follow you without question, disregarding the ravenous growl of his stomach. He catches you in the hallway, calling out your name. You turn to him, his brow furrowing in unease at the sight of your tears and the slight tremble of your lip. It hurts him to see you in obvious distress, and he earnestly offers his support.
The only sound is that of your sobbing. He desperately wishes to hold you tightly and rid you of your pain. However, he falters, studying you. Your gaze is trained on the floor, shoulders stiff with tension, and the color drains from your cheeks. When you speak, he’s surprised by how helpless you sound and the fact you’re trying to reassure him, putting his needs above your own although you’re struggling to hold yourself together. Fear flickers across your features at the echo of the brothers’ voices travelling up the stairs, and he mumbles out an apology as he carefully lifts you into his arms, cradling you to his chest. 
Before the others can round the corner, he hurries down the hall and slips into your room, determined to protect his vulnerable human. He notices you relax against him, your fingers curling into his shirt, and he can’t help but want to keep you close, relieved after you lean in closer to wrap your arms around his neck. Stroking your hair, he allows you to cry, his patience and love for you endless. Eventually, you mutter an embarrassed sorry, thanking him profusely, but he’s merely relieved you’re beginning to feel a bit better, reassuring you that you can always depend on him. 
Listening to you intently, he never breaks eye contact. You open up to him about your anxiety, his stomach twisting as you describe what you call a panic attack and how it wrecks you both mentally and physically. Beelzebub knows he has a lot to learn, but he expresses interest in understanding anxiety and, most importantly, how he can help you, so you don’t suffer alone. For the rest of the night, he keeps you company and eases you through the remainder of your attack, giving you plenty of hugs and rubbing your back in soothing circles until you no longer shake, and your heartbeat returns to its usual pace.
BELPHEGOR
Belphegor enjoys the time you spend together, especially when the two of you are alone. He asks you to accompany him in the attic, and it’s not long before he curls around you, falling into a peaceful sleep as he listens to the steady beat of your heart. However, when he awakes it’s to the sound of your soft cries in the dark, which fill him with a fear he can’t seem to shake. Without hesitation he’s at your side, sitting up to softly place a hand on your shoulder and ask you what’s wrong. The sadness in your eyes as you glance up at him, tears staining your cheeks, tugs at his heartstrings. He can’t bear to see you upset.
Once he realizes you’re having a panic attack, he’s attentive to your needs, cradling you in his arms as you cry into his chest. You confided in him about your struggles with anxiety after you fell to pieces in front of him months ago. A part of him understands, the loss of Lilith haunting him throughout the years and instilling a similar feeling of unease within him, especially when his nightmares seem to blur the line between reality and the painful memories of his past. You always came to his rescue and now it’s his turn to comfort you in your time of need. Sleep can wait.
With you in his embrace, he brings you down to relax against the pillows, pulling the blanket around your shivering form. You rest your head on his shoulder, and he gently brushes the remaining tears from your face, whispering words of love and reassurance. He listens to you when you’re comfortable to talk, the slight tremble of your voice causing him to draw you closer and press a kiss to your forehead. Belphegor tells you he’s here for you—forever—and although he’s still learning about anxiety and finding the best ways to comfort you during an attack, he wants you to depend on him no matter what. Even if that means you wake him up in the middle of the night. He won’t rest until he knows you’re okay, and you’re peacefully sleeping in his arms.
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cowboycakes · 3 years
Text
Do You Get My Letters
✥ Pairing: Levi x fem!Reader, somewhat Reiner x fem!Reader
✥ Themes: Fluff, angst, sadness, big ass plot twist
✥ Warnings: Female bodied reader (she/her pronouns,) Pregnancy and birth (nothing gory.) Mentions of death, violence, and threats. Manipulation.
✥ Synopsis: You are carrying Reiner's baby when he betrays Paradis. Levi decides to step in.
✥ Word Count: 2.2k
(there is a part two up to this fic, but i've decided i'm going to rewrite the ending at some point.)
Anon's Request: Hi! I saw your requests are open so here I want to give my little scenario a try! 🕳🤸🏽‍♀️ I thought abt this last night, I’m currently rewatching AOT after 6 yrs and yet to finish season 4, so sorry if I’m wrong abt timelines/the plot? My request is the reader was with child with Reiner, but b4 reader told him, he betrayed and exposed his mission. Levi stepped in to help reader. And btw, I just finished watching ep 3 of season 4, so maybe Eren telling reiner abt his child and he regrets leaving the reader? And reiner jealous at the fact Levi is most likely considered his child’s father at that point. I can’t come up with an ending, so I’ll leave it up to you if you do take in my request. If this isn’t your type of writing I totally understand!
Note: This story is canon divergent. It is set in season 4, but in a universe where Reiner is not revealed as a traitor/the armored titan until a few months before season 4 takes place, as the reader was having relations with him until then and did not know his secret. I’m sorry if that change bothers you, I just wanted to write this as sort of its own story. This story contains season 4 spoilers! It also has nothing to do with the canon ending of AOT.
---
Dear Reiner,
I hope this letter somehow gets to you, I don’t quite know where to start.
In a perfect world, I would be so happy to tell you this. You’d be ecstatic too, I think. And before you try to second guess me: I’m sure by now, don’t worry.
I’m pregnant.
I guess we weren’t careful enough before you left. I feel like an idiot. And lost. But I’m not hopeless. I know myself, I can make it work somehow. With or without you.
I’m still in shock about you. How could someone so close hide so much? You’re a talented spy I suppose, a great asset to Marley. You made me trust you with my entire life. You made me love every false thing about you. And this is the rude awakening I get in return.
I’ll raise our child to value honesty and kindness, all in spite of you.
Sincerely,
Reader
---
The paper was damp with tears after you lifted your pen for a final time. You wished you could just keep the whole thing a secret: go make a quiet life for yourself somewhere else. It wouldn’t be right. Not after all of the dishonesty that man had spewed to you over the past few years. You had to tell him.
The door to the office room you’d settled in to write the letter creaks open. It’s Levi. He looks at your puffy eyes somberly, sympathetic. He was the first person you had told about the entire situation. Not because you were close, just because you needed help.
You fold your letter and stick it into a sturdy envelope. Levi takes it in his hand.
“That piece of shit doesn’t deserve a thing from you. Not a letter. Certainly not tears,” Levi says, using a clean handkerchief to wipe a stray drop from your cheek, “but I am proud of you.”
You take the handkerchief from him, feeling more tears stream down your face.
“Proud? I’m a fucking idiot,” you say through your sobs.
“Don’t even try to pull that self pity shit with me. Things happen sometimes. And you’re strong enough to commit to getting through it,” he responds.
You stand up, pushing your chair out. You look at him as you dry your face off again.
“I’m alone. How the hell am I supposed to do this shit alone?”
“You are not alone,” Levi replies. You’re shocked when he pulls you into a hug. “I’m going to help.”
You had never seen this side of him before. You look at him as you pull away slowly, tears still welled in your eyes.
“Are you sure? That's a big burden, Levi. None of this has to involve you.”
“Not the biggest burden I’ve ever taken on,” he shrugs. “There’s a lot of death around here, Y/N. Everyone is going to be happy about the little bit of life you’re giving us.”
You chuckle. He’s cynical, but he’s right.
He licks the envelope as he walks toward the door.
“Want me to run you a hot bath or something? Is that the type of shit pregnant people need?” he asks.
You laugh, a little harder than normal. It felt so relieving to laugh.
“Sure, Captain,” you respond softly.
---
Dear Reader,
I received your letter before the battle in Marley. I actually got to hand it to Reiner myself. He knows everything now. He broke down in front of me after reading it, going on about how much he regrets everything. How he wishes he could change things and be there for you. He begged me to kill him right there.
The world will eventually not have suffering like what you are going through now.
Eren Jaeger
---
Your jaw had dropped reading it. He begged me to kill him.
You hand the letter Levi had just delivered back to him. He reads it with a furrowed brow.
“Do you think…” you begin, your voice shaky, “do you think I could send another letter?”
Levi purses his lips, “Possibly. I can ask Jaeger. But right now, you need to bring your blood pressure back down.”
You were over seven months along now. You had found out about your pregnancy late, after being in denial for four whole months. Hange insisted on checking you out after you’d thrown up every morning for a week.
Levi had since gone on a parenting book reading spree; he made you read several of them too. He knew just about everything you needed to do to make a healthy baby: what to eat, what not to eat, how to exercise, when to go to the doctor, etc. It was really sweet how much he cared. You knew it gave him hope, something to fight for, something to come home to.
You were terrified when he left for Marley. You kissed him for the first time when he returned. Just about everyone you knew had to fight. You wished you could be out there fighting with them like you were supposed to. Maybe you could have made a difference.
Levi takes your hand, squeezing it to bring you out of your thoughts.
“What can I do?” he asks.
“Get me a glass of wine,” you grumble.
“Absolutely not.”
---
Dear Reiner,
Reader does not know I’m sending this. So keep it that way, or I’ll kill your sorry ass. Or maybe not, you’d probably enjoy that. In that case I’ll get creative.
How does it feel? Being a fucking deadbeat? Is it everything you’d thought it’d be and more? Fucking her and leaving her with nothing, like she belongs in a whorehouse. Reminds me of what happened to my mother. Pieces of shit like you came in and sent her to her death, leaving her kid behind to starve.
I wasn’t about to let her suffer like my mother did. But you were. I’m glad your choices haunt you, Reiner. You fucking deserve it.
I’ll be there for the both of them from now on, doing everything you were never capable of. She’s due any day now, I’m sure she’ll try to write to you.
Levi
---
You feel your first contraction while napping on the couch with Levi. You were settled in between his legs, your back leaning up against his chest. He had his hands on your stomach; he loved to feel the baby kick and tell them some of the happier stories in his memories.
The two of you had grown so close over the past few months. You slept together every night now. You didn’t want to leave each other’s sides if you didn’t have to. Levi would cuddle and massage you any time your pregnant body was ailing you.
You had fantasized with him about life after the war. He wanted to be a husband, a father, to live peacefully in the countryside. And he wanted more than anything for you to join him.
The first contraction wasn’t painful enough for you to make much more than a grunting noise, but Levi woke up the second he felt your stomach contort a bit. He was on very high alert these days.
“Holy… shit…is that what I think it is?” Levi whispers, “Don’t answer. I’m getting Hange.”
He crawls out from behind you and sprints out of the room.
The pain worsens and becomes much more frequent while he’s out looking for Hange. You stand up eventually after getting the urge to walk around - and your water breaks. You start panicking, unsure of how dilated you were and how much time you had left before pushing. You really wished you’d done more than just skimmed through those birthing books right about now.
Levi and Hange eventually come sprinting back into the room with a wheelchair and cold rags to find you whimpering in pain on the couch, trying your best to control your breathing.
You’re rushed down the halls to the Scout’s infirmary, where Levi had made sure the perfect room was set up for you - and it had been that way for two months.
The next hour goes by in a blur. Hange knew the biology of how to deliver the baby, and Levi knew how to coach you. He helped you hold your legs back when you pushed, and helped you count out your breathing. Hange attended to everything that might have made Levi faint, like checking your dilation and making sure the baby was coming out at the right angle. You got lucky having these two by your side.
Through all of your efforts, you finally hear a cry. You look up to see Levi holding your tiny new baby as Hange wiped them clean. He was smiling, way bigger than you’d ever seen him smile before, with tears in his eyes.
“Here,” he says softly, handing her to you.
You cradle her on your bare skin. “She’s so perfect, Levi! Look how sweet she is!” you coo.
“What are you going to call her?” he asks, stroking your hair as you gleam down at your baby.
“I was thinking,” you smile, “Kuchel.”
Levi lets out small gasp. Tears start streaming down his face, his efforts to stifle them failing.
“Really? I think that’s,” he wipes his eyes, “a wonderful name.”
—-
Dear Reiner,
She’s finally here! Oh my god, she’s precious. Levi and Hange helped to deliver her. Labor went smoothly. Levi started to cry when he saw her for the first time. She really is just that perfect. We are calling her Kuchel, after Levi’s mother. He cried when I told him that, too (don’t tell him I’m sharing those crying details.) I've decided to give her Levi’s last name as well.
Levi set up the perfect nursery for us.
If you really did feel guilty for leaving - don’t be. I’m happy.
She has your eyes.
Sincerely,
Reader
—-
Dear Reiner,
Kuchel said her first word today. Of course it wasn’t mama, she’s such a daddy’s girl. She started crawling awhile ago, we are now working on standing up on our own. She has all of this blonde curly hair, too. She’s growing up so fast.
Reader
—-
Dear Reiner,
Levi proposed a few days ago. It was so perfect. We found a nice house with room for a farm that will be perfect for a family.
I can only wonder how you’re doing, now that the war is over.
Are you even alive?
Reader
—-
Dear Reiner,
I’m expecting again. Levi is beyond excited. I am too, of course. Kuchel started school this year. She is such a smart kid.
I still wonder about you. After all these years.
Reader
—-
Message after message, word after word. No response. You had decided he must be dead. The devastation after the war would argue that he was.
That is, until you found yourself rummaging through one of Levi’s desk drawers, looking for baby Isabel’s lost pacifier.
You felt the bottom of the drawer shift. A false bottom?
You pry at it until it comes open.
Letters.
Dozens of opened letters. With Marleyan postage stamps.
You pull out the first bundle you see. They’re all from you. Unopened. Unsent. You set them aside, your jaw quivering.
You pull out the second bundle and gasp.
—-
Dear Reader,
Eren showed me your letter. I am terribly sorry. Let me fix this, somehow. You can come to live with me in Marley. I will take care of you. Please.
I’m not just a traitor, a liar, a farce. Everything between us was real. I can explain everything. Just trust me.
Love,
Reiner
Dear Reader,
Do you get my letters?
I’ve only heard rumors about our new baby girl. I wish I could see her. Just once. For a second. Do you have a camera? I know they’re hard to come by in Paradis. I can send one.
I’d do anything to change this. You know I would.
Love,
Reiner
—-
To Levi,
You son of a bitch. I know exactly what you’re doing. You think this is protecting her, but it’s not. Just let her talk to me. She would listen, she would understand. You said yourself that she writes. You manipulative, sick bastard. That is MY child. She will never be yours. No matter what you brainwash her to believe, your dirty Ackerman blood does not run through her veins. She deserves to know. You are the farce, Levi.
Reiner
—-
There were dozens more. All opened. All from Reiner.
You sink down to the floor, tears spilling from your eyes.
You are the farce, Levi.
But, why? He was just protecting you, right?
The office door opens. You jump, shoving the letters back into the drawer.
“Mommy, why are you crying?” Kuchel asks.
You take a deep breath, staring down at the letters, thinking about everything that could have been.
“Are you happy here, Kuchel?”
“Yes!” she chirps, “Every day!”
“Then it’s nothing, baby. Mommy just got hurt. She’s better now.”
Your daughter giggles and skips out of the room, leaving you to hide away the rest of the letters.
༺♥༻
I REALLY HOPE I understood your request, Anon! I actually had a lot of fun writing this. It isn't something I would normally think to write, but I'm so glad you shared this idea! Sorry for the sad ending, I love playing w people's emotions ;)
༺♥༻
712 notes · View notes
Watching the Rise of the Titans movie and I'll be documenting all of my thoughts/reactions here. [Spoiler Warning]
So instead of reblogging every new update, I'm just going to have this post up on my phone as I watch and type my reactions in a bullet list format.
Nari's human disguise is so cute. As someone who does have a cottagecore aesthetic, I want to cosplay her so bad
Are Skrael and/or Belroc non-binary coded? Regardless, I'm also obsessed and I want to fuck Skrael and be Belroc.
STEVE CARING ABOUT JIM BEING HURT YESSSS!!! My god his redemption has probably been one of the greatest there is because he doesn't just suddenly go from being a bully to a completely good person. You can see the gradual shift in learning better throughout the shows which is awesome.
IN NEW YOOOOOOORRRRRRRK!!!!!! CONCRETE JUNGLE WHERE DREAMS ARE MADE OFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!
The mugshot montage reminded me of season 1 of trollhunters when toby and Jim were arrested at the museum.
STRICKLER PUT A RING ON IT??? HE'S THE ONLY DILF IVE EVER ACTUALLY AGREED WAS HOT WYM I CAN'T HAVE HIM??? well I'm still really happy about his arc over the series probably one of my favorite character growths.
Eli my guy got his growth spurt!!! As an 18 year old who is still 5'0", I'm happy but envious for him
So I went into this movie without watching any trailers or promo, but I doubt anything could have prepared me for the existence of mpreg. In fact, I wasn't going to document my reactions until I saw that.
NAMURA!!!!!!!!! MY BELOVED!!!!!! I CAN STILL THIRST FOR YOU WITHOUT GUILT
The coach teacher just called the kids zoomers so I have to dock one point from my final rating just because of that. Unforgivable
Those husky animation models suck lmao
Oh fuck the titans got power ranger zords!!
God why did they include the mpreg??? This movie would have been perfect without it.... After that plot point being revisited only one time I'm already beyond done with it
Like it's bringing me back to the v*ltron days where they're was a suspiciously high amount of klance omegaverse and mpreg fics and art created and it physically hurts because Steve and Keith's voice actor is the same person meaning this is especially cursed to me since I was unfortunately in the v*ltron fandom and remember all of that
But like on another note, how old are these characters again??? I haven't checked any wikis because of spoilers but is Steve an adult??? I know aja might be technically a lot older than 18 because alien but is whatever age she is equivalent to an adult as far as emotionally and physically in Akaridion development??? IS THIS A TEEN (M)PREGNANCY IN A KIDS SHOW????
Like bruh I saw a singular post on here before going into the movie that was like "rott spoilers without context" and there was a pregnant belly but I was absolutely not expecting the actual context of it. I'll find the post after I finish and edit this post to tag the creator right here: @makoden
This entire post is just gonna be me ranting about mpreg huh
Anyway I love the whole roundtable allusion to the legends of king arthur (not the toa version but the one he's based off)
THERE'S 3 TO 5 BABIES????? I need to take a break bruh this is just too much
Alright I've taken a 30 minute break got some food and did some things i love (decompressed by tactile stimming with some owl plushies and watched some videos on my favorite owl, Garu. He lives in Japan with his owner and is a domesticated eagle owl who basically just acts like a sky cat. If anyone else needs some eye bleach, here is their YouTube channel)
Blinky and ARRRGHHH!!! saying their "if one of us doesn't make it" talk my god one of them is going to die I can see it and I will be utterly crushed. Jim can't lose another father figure and Toby can't lose his wingman again I will riot if this happens
On a similar but unrelated to the movie note, can we just talk about how toa started with Jim having 0 dads and (if strickler and blinky live to the end) will end with 2 dads? Like I just really feel happy for him that he has two dads who actually figured out how to put the past behind them to not have any infighting between them so that both of them are healthy father figures. Jim has already been through literal hell and back losing his actual humanity in the process so if he loses one of them, I'm going to be really pissed because at this point, this is just Jim torture porn. Y'all know how as SpongeBob SquarePants went on, the show just became Squidward torture porn? It's starting to feel that way for toa and I really hope they cut the shit by the ending
Jlaire is such a good ship but like I feel like it's too perfect they never disagree with each other
YESSSSSSS Someone finally doesn't treat toby like a fat waste of space who messes stuff up!!! I think out of all the characters that would have been most deserving of a rewrite, it's Toby. Sometimes I just feel he's only comic relief and any heartfelt moments he's had in the series was also born of stupidity (ie his flour baby project being unharmed was seen by him as divine intervention from his parents but was actually just Eli and Steve behind the scenes).
Ohhhhh yesssssss Archie's father!!! I was hoping I'd see him again because we got so little of him last
Ooooooooooh Asian trollmarket!!!!!
Oh never mind slavery trollmarket
Bruh titanic camelot
I feel like we're not seeing enough of the villains because I completely forgot about the power ranger zord things
NAMORA NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY LAST CRUSHHHH
STRICKLER NO NOT YOU TOO PLEASE
WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THE ONLY TWO CHARACTERS I SIMP FOR ON THIS SHOW DIED WITHIN FIVE MINUTES OF EACH OTHER
THAT WHOLE ASS RANT I WROTE IS COMING TRUE FUCK THIS MOVIE THIS SERIES IS JUST JIM TORTURE PORN
WAIT JIM'S SPERM DONOR INFO?
Oh thank God I don't want to know anything about that person
For the record, I call that man Jim's sperm donor because he has no business being called a father to him. All he did was donate some swimmers to the creation of him and give him abandonment issues
Oh another blind troll elder???? This fucker is just if vendel was a bad guy
Bruh I was grieving
PACIFIC RIM WITH GUN ROBOT VEX AND THE BELROCZORD? I've never seen that movie but I know the reference
Bruh Blinky doesn't read horoscopes? Does he realize conspiracy theories are just the manly version of horoscopes?
NO DON'T KILL VEX STOP KO-ING FOUND FAMILY MEMBERS
Oh thank God he's okay
NO NOT ARCHIE AND CHARLEMAGNE OH MY GOD
oh never mind they're just gonna coup de tat I believe in them :))
But I want to see him again
But I'm glad to see vex
Yay they're in arcadia!
But yeah I wondered why the trolls and Merlin didn't keep the whole "daylight doesn't hurt trolls" feature from the eternal night but now Guillermo del Toro I see you were playing the long con in that just to kill my girl Namora :(((
Oooooh I love the animation of the Narizord over Chihuahua!! It looks very good and realistic (if only they could have put some of that into those huskies from before smh)
Bruh the character designs of the arcane order are so good I want to be them
Nari making sure the Skraelzord doesn't crush the bus
DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE
Bruh I'm just glad we finally have an answer on why arcadia had everything going on as opposed to literally anywhere else!! I always found that as a weird coincidence for plot convince.
BRUH WERE BACK TO THE MPREG IM SO JEALOUS I FORGOT ABOUT THAT EVEN THOUGH IT WAS BECAUSE I WAS GRIEVING THE LOSS OF MY LOVELIES.
Oh that's real convenient that the ninth configuration meant all of them. Way to not decide which character gets more attention. Though it probably was a smart way to not have any infighting in the fandom between each character's stan group.
Bruh I just realized where is Barbera did they just ditch her on the Camelot ship???
And where are the other trolls that migrated at the end of trollhunters s3? They said something about new jersey but obviously Jim and the other main characters got on Camelot instead.... This feels like a plot hole
And we never learned the process of how changelings are made and bonded to humans and stuff. We just know it's super painful but I'm curious ffs!!!!
THE DONT THINK BECOME HERO SPEECH ALL SAID TOGETHER!!!
BRUH THEY REALLY HAD TO SHOW HIM GIVING BIRTH??????? WAS THAT AN ABSOLUTE MUST??????
Plus the main audience for this series is little children (the rating for the movie is literally TV-Y7) so even though my adult ass is not in the target audience, I STILL DONT UNDERSTAND WHY WOULD MPREG AND ANAL BIRTH WOULD BE AN IMPORTANT THING TO 7 YEAR OLDS???? THIS IS A LITERAL FETISH HIDDEN IN KIDS CONTENT ITS ELSAGATE ALL OVER AGAIN Y'ALL 😭😭😭😭😭
Though it's probably hypocritical of me to think fetishes don't belong in kids tv when I've openly admitted to thirsting for strickler and namora
HUZZAH
NEW AMULET WAZ GOOD????
STAB THAT BITCH JIM
WAIT NO I SAID STAB NOT GET STABBED
Alright good job just missed the directions at first but you fixed it
SEVEN KIDS?????????
T O B Y ????????????
W A I T NO
N O
IS HE ACTUALLY
OH MY GOD THERE'S HOPE
NO THERE ISN'T
F U C K THIS SHIT THEY REALLY JUST HAD HIM TO BE BULLIED THEN KILLED
Y'ALL IM ACTUALLY CRYING THIS NEVER HAPPENS
I NEVER ACTUALLY GET SO EMOTIONAL OVER MEDIA THAT I CRY IT ONLY HAPPENED ONCE AT THE END OF VOLTRON BUT AHHHHHHHH
W A I T
HE'S GONNA BE BROUGHT BACK?????
HOLD UP THEY'RE JUST GONNA BRING ALL THOSE DEAD PEOPLE BACK??????
WAIT IS HE
BLINKY CALLED HIM A SON
HOLD ON IS THIS GOING TO BE A CLIFFHANGER???????????
BRUH THEY REALLY JUST CAN'T END THE SERIES WITHOUT CLIFFHANGERS like there's always an open ending
TROLLHUNTER TOBY????? You know what forget the whole rants I had on how toby was written they just redeemed it all
And that's all! I'd rate it a 6.5/10 because it's definitely the weakest of all the sequels but still had amazing animation and some good plot points. It's just really hard to look over the bad stuff enough to rate it any higher.
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sunnysunoo · 3 years
Text
Love Letters ; Sim Jake
Pairing: Jake X Reader
warnings: explicit language and cursing
word count: 3k words
genre: friends to lovers au! fluff with tiny pieces of crack lmao
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Jake was always known for being this perfect guy in school. I mean, they're not wrong. They always described him as if he's this walking piece of art in the hallways. People would stop to just stare at him. You'd stare at him all day too, but you set priorities first: writing him love letters.
You're no Lara Jean, but I guess you can say that she's what inspired you to write Jake letters. Who needs Peter Kavinsky when Jake Shim exists anyways?
note: Not me completely disappearing off of tumblr for like months and then showing up again suddenly lol. I got really busy the past few months since I was completing requirements for school, and I really didn't have the motivation to do anything at the time so I took so time off to take care of myself first so I hope you understand :) But now since it's summer break, I am given at least 2 more months until I go back to school in August :)) Here's the long-awaited Jake imagine that I completely forgot about lmao hope you enjoy <3
P.S I finished writing this at 1:26 am so please excuse the really shitty plot and grammar ill rewrite it once i wake up
tag list: @cha-raena ( sorry for the rlly late post bestie )
Dear Jake, First of all, I will never call you Jaeyun because calling you by your English name makes me feel like I'm your friend. Calling you by your Korean name makes us feel like we're cold strangers to one another and I don't want that. I want us to be something more than that, but it's hard when you don't even know who I am. I'm surprised how you don't grow tired of me just dropping letters right into your locker every time you open it, and that's one of the things I love about you. You don't just throw away people's efforts and you treasure them with care. It makes my heart beat so fast as if I ran miles away from here.
We're already one year left until we graduate high school, and I don't want to end my high school years without you realizing my feelings for you. I know for sure that you would never reciprocate the feelings that I have towards you, so I want to treat this as closure in case we do forget about each other in the future. Yours truly,
Moon
__
"How is this person not over you? That's like the tenth one this month," Jay said, looking over Jake as he reads the letter from his secret admirer. Jake has always been receiving these letters from the same person everyday for the past four months. He's thankful for the letters because they definitely make his day better, knowing that there's someone out there who loves him as who he is regardless of looks. He's not gonna lie that these little notes and letters make his heart race too. "Do you have any plans with finding the person behind the letters?" Jay asked as he watches his best friend trying to hide the small smile that's been growing. No one really knows who this mysterious person is and why they decided to name themselves the moon, but we don't judge anyone in here. If they want to be the moon in their next life, then so be it. "I really want to find the person who's making these letters," Jake shoved the letter in his backpack, trying to not wrinkle it. "But I don't know where to start." "Who's finding who?" A voice popped suddenly beside the presence of the two boys. You leaned beside the locker beside Jake's, watching him as he grabs his books from his locker. "Did Moon drop your daily letter today again?" "They did as usual," Jake wasn't even surprised. He would expect the letters every time he enters the school in the morning. He would open his locker to see the usual small letter placed inside his locker. He usually arrives at seven or earlier, but he's surprised that he could never even catch a glance of this anonymous sender around the campus. "Should I go to school at five in the morning?" "Five in the morning? Isn't that a bit too early?" You questioned, followed by a shaky breath. "The school doesn't even open until six." "I could just walk to that nearby convenience store I always pass by to grab a coffee." He argues, closing his locker shut before walking towards his classroom.
You and Jay followed beside him, and you sneered under your breath, "You don't even wake up to your alarm clock."
"Why don't you even want me to go early anyway?" He glances as you try to give him an answer. But before you could say something, Jay replies first.
"You’re probably hiding something." He said. You rolled your eyes and narrowed your eyes at him. "You are so weird." You grunted, before walking ahead of them. You feel panicked because you were scared that you made yourself obvious to them.
__
You were inside your classroom sitting on your desk. There were only fifteen minutes left before lunch, but you had eaten your packed meal before instead of going to your school cafeteria. You were fidgeting in your place, conflicted about Jake finding his secret admirer, not knowing that it was you who's been sending him letters the past few months. You're not scared of him finding out that the letters were from you; that was the entire reason why you wrote him letters in the first place. You're scared of how he was gonna confront you about it. Would he like you back? Would he hate you? Would he avoid you?
Your mind was full of scenarios but you were suddenly brought back to reality when a hand planted itself on your desk. You look up and saw Jay standing in front of you, eating sushi with his other hand. His face kinda looks like he knows something, and it's freaking you out a bit.
"What?" You asked, suddenly flustered over how his eyes stared right into you. He took the seat in front of your desk and flipped it so it was facing you. He sat down and blurted the phrase that you were dreading to hear from anyone.
"So, you like Jake?"
You suddenly feel like punching him in the face with his sushi.
"What??" Your body felt like, and you were left a nervous mess. Your heart like it was going to pump right out of your chest any minute, and your hands started to sweat.
Jay's mouth formed into a smirk. He caught you. "Jake may be a bit oblivious, but I can totally see right through you."
“Haha...no you don’t,” You tried to deny, but it was all useless when his expression looked unconvinced.
“Oh yeah? Then why are you all red? You look like a bursting tomato.”
“You don’t know that," You leaned further into your seat, playing with the strings of your hoodie.
“C’mon Y/N, you’re not even trying. Just give up and admit it,” Jay was trying to help you confess your feelings for Jake. Frankly, he knew it was you sending him letters this whole time—how can Jake not see it?
With a heavy sigh, you slumped and laid your head on your desk, embarrassed. “Fine. I like him, okay? Are you happy now?”
The smirk on his face grew wider, feeling proud of himself. You are not dealing with his annoying crap this early in the morning. He grinned and munched on his half-eaten sushi. “I knew it.”
“Congratulations,” It was muffled because you hid your red face away from him. All that was on your mind now was how you could book yourself a flight all the way across the world.
“But seriously, since when did you have a crush on him?” You raised your head to face him, giving him a look that could kill, except Jay finds it entertaining rather than intimidating.
“I started having a crush on him when we were in fifth grade. It was at a friend's birthday party, and he saw me being all quiet and lonely. Honestly, I forgot who’s birthday that was.” You told him the very first time you had discovered feelings.
“He saw how sad I looked so he accompanied me the whole time. He was even trying to feel more included in the games and stuff.” You felt a smile ghosting on your lips as you can still vividly remember how you felt your heart tug the first time. “It was kinda like I fell in love at first sight.”
Jay faked a gag, so you lightly punched him in the shoulder. He may be a bit of an asshole, but he’s one the most caring and kind people you’ve ever met. It honestly felt good spilling out your feelings about Jake to him.
Speaking of, Jake was watching you two play around and laugh at Jay's little jokes from outside, and he felt something burning from inside him. Was it that he felt jealous of you and Jay?
No, he can’t be...right?
Maybe it was because of how he felt separated from you and Jay because of him being a separate class.
Yeah, maybe it's because of that.
__
Dear Jake,
I just had the most bizarre day today, and I felt like telling you about it.
It was chemistry period, and we had to be partnered with someone for a lab project. I ended up getting paired with Yeojin. We kinda created this unexpected friendship, which I love. We would crack jokes at each other, tell funny stories, it was so fun to be with her that we had completely forgotten about our project. So now, we both got a detention slip for making an accidental explosion.
How about you? How was your day? I hope it was just as fun as mine. If you feel like the day just wasn't as happy or you're feeling down, just now that it's okay to feel that way because days like these just lasts for 24 hours. It will be all over before you know it and you'll be greeted by another day. Maybe it will be different, and you would be all happy again just like how my day went. Maybe being with you would be my happiest day yet, and I couldn't wait for that day to come. See you soon :)
Love,
Moon
__
"Yeojin!" Jake called, seeing her walk down the opposite way. "Hey, mind if I ask you something?"
"Hey Jake," She greeted him with a smile. "Sure, go ahead."
"Could you perhaps give me any information about your partner in Chemistry?" He had hopes of getting any kind of description about his mysterious sender, but he was instead given a sad frown on Yeojin's face.
"Sorry Jake, but that person told me not to tell you about their information." She gave an apologetic smile. "I wish you all the best in finding them!"
Jake muttered a small "okay," and sighed before walking away, feeling defeated.
Yeojin knew that he was gonna ask about Moon the moment he called her from across the hall. She couldn't wait to tell you about this.
__
"Hey Y/N," A voice said from behind. You turned around to see Jake with his backup hung on his shoulder. He brought his hand up and raked his hair, and you felt your face grow red. Jake is like a gift from the gods. How can someone look so ethereal even if they're just standing there? You could stare at him all day. You couldn't even understand a thing he said until he started waving his hands in front of you.
"Hello?" You blinked multiple times as you were brought back out to reality. You saw Jake's face grow into concern. "Are you okay? spaced out."
"O-oh..No, I'm completely fine." You reassured him, feeling embarrassed. "What were you saying again?"
"I was asking you if you wanted to go to school with me early tomorrow."
Well, shit.
Your eyes started to go wide, and your hands started to go clammy.
"Tomorrow?" You repeated, voice trembling.
'Well, yeah." He pouted his lips, and you felt like melting into a small puddle in your place. Your heart started to pound heavily.
Oh my fucking god, he is so adorable.
"Okay, sure I can go with you tomorrow," You weakly smiled at him, slightly tense.
How we're you going to give him the letter now?
__
"Good Morning," Jake said as he watches you close the gates of your house. It was past five in the morning, and you were a mess.
"Morning," You replied back before running your fingers through your hair, getting rid of any flyaways.
As you started walking your way to the bus stop, Jake kept on glancing towards you from time to time. He knew you were pretty, but since when did you become really beautiful in his eyes?
The walk was pretty quiet, but it was a comfortable silence. For him, mostly.
Meanwhile, you couldn't stop freaking out. You had written a letter the night before, but you don't know how you were going to slip it into his locker without him taking notice. If he saw you, he would know.
"Are you sure you're okay? You've been like this since yesterday," Jake blurted. You looked at him before heaving a sigh.
"It's nothing," You mouthed, suddenly feeling anxious and gloomy.
"Something on your mind?"
"Something like that." It was hopeless. I guess he would have to miss this letter today. It was the first time you skipped a day, and you're feeling guilty that you would have to see Jake's face sadden that he wouldn't receive it today.
As you two stop at the bus stop, Jake looked slightly panicked as he was rummaging through the pockets of his blazer before looking through his bag. "Hey, do you have an extra pen? I left mine at home and I have a quiz today."
You snickered, "Out of all the days, Sim Jake. The same day you have a quiz is the same day you forget your pen."
"Very funny." He scoffed.
As you unzipped your bag to grab your pencil case, a folded piece of paper fell out without you realizing it. When Jake went to pick it up, he notices that it was folded the same way as the letters in his locker. It looked so identical.
Once you already got your pencil case out, you were about to hand it to him when you saw what he was holding that made your body freeze with your hand holding the case in the air.
"Why were one of my letters inside your bag?" He glanced at you, waiting for you to reply.
If you were freaking out before, this is a whole other thing. The thing that you were fearing the most is happening right before you.
"Maybe it fell into my bag yesterday..." You stammered, making up an excuse to look like it was an accident. You were tightly holding onto your pencil case, chanting many curse words in your head as you watch Jake unfold the letter.
"I don't think I've received this one yet," He said before he opened the letter and read it.
You watch as his expression formed into confusion as he reads through the paper. It only took a few moments before something in him clicked that it was you sending him the letters.
"Y/N," He began, and you started quivering in fear.
You should've known this would happen, but you didn't expect it to happen this sooner. In fact, you believed that this wouldn't happen at all. But it did.
"Let me explain," You eventually gave up and accepted fate and watch as your identity as "Moon" be revealed to your crush. You're now exposed so you didn't have any other choice but to explain everything. "Yes, I am Moon. I was the one writing you the letters that you've been getting in your locker."
Jake's face was unreadable. He looked bewildered and puzzled. He was trying to comprehend what was happening right now. All this time, it was you?
"I started crushing on you when we attended that birthday party before. I didn't want to confess my feelings for you because I was scared that you were going to harshly reject me, so I started writing down letters as a way to tell you how I feel about you without making you feel awkward around me." You continued, eyes suddenly taking an interest in your shoes. They were brand new too.
Jake was silent, and you felt your heart crack into pieces. You were mad at yourself for being so careless about it that he ended up finding out about you as his secret admirer. You wanted nothing else but to run back home, lock yourself in your room and cry with your sad playlist on loop.
You were expecting a harsh rejection coming from him, but what surprised was how he took dangerous steps towards you, minimizing the gap between you two. He placed his hand under your chin, forcing you to look up at him.
"I don't plan on rejecting you Y/N," You stare into his eyes as it reflects the sunlight of the early morning. "I'm actually happy that it was you."
You look at him, puzzled. He lowly chuckles under his breath before leaning over to place his lips against yours. It was a light, quick kiss, but it brought you feeling ecstatic. You've dreamed of this moment before, and now that it happened, you thanked your clumsiness.
As he pulled away, you were sure your face was a red mess.
"Thank you," His smile was as bright as the stars in the sky. It was the most beautiful thing you've ever seen. "Thank you for making me like I'm special to someone."
You felt flustered over his words. You were scared that he could hear the sound of your heart pounding loudly. The butterflies in your stomach were going wild, and you felt like this was all a dream.
"So, what am I to you now?" You broke into a smile as he grabs your hand, intertwining your fingers with his.
Jake acted as if he was thinking, "Hm..maybe my best friend still?"
He bursts into a fit of giggles as he sees your smile slowly disappear, replacing it with a look of disbelief. You removed your hand from his and walked at a faster pace away from him.
He ran to match your pace beside you before holding your hand again, "I'm sorry, I won't ever do that again. Is my girl mad at me?"
"Oh my god, it's only five-fifty, Jake." You too broke into laughter over his cheesiness, but your heart fluttered over the thought of Jake calling you his.
__
HERE’S A LITTLE BONUS! since I've made you guys wait for 4 months :(
"What the fuck?" Was the first thing You heard from Jay as you and Jake entered the classroom. All of your classmates were staring at your and his hands intertwined together.
Jay stood in front of you two, crossing his arms together. "Can one of you explain when this happened?" he motioned towards your linking hands. You and Jake smiled at each other before walking away, leaving Jay in a fit of joy, and confusion.
169 notes · View notes
rivalsforlife · 3 years
Text
Phoenix Wright: The Truth Reborn: Oh No We’re Doing This Again
hi.
Nearly two months ago, I wrote an essay summarizing and making very wild conclusions about the second Takarazuka Musical. I did this about two and a half years after watching the first Takarazuka musical. As such I did not have the full context for many things from the musical and was relying mostly on my memory, which blocked many things from this musical for my own safety. However, just this week, I decided to rewatch it, because I enjoy tormenting myself. I said I wouldn’t write anything on it. Here I am writing something on it.
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Here’s the youtube thumbnail so that you know what you’re getting yourself into. And here, of course, is the link. This is the HD version which may be slightly more pleasant to watch. Maybe.
It was not quite as cringe in a funny way as the second musical to me, and therefore this essay may be less funny, but I feel like I’m doing a disservice to people by providing a summary of the second musical while completely neglecting the first. Quite possibly doing this is even more of a disservice. I just eagerly await the day that the third musical is translated because *that* will be the day that I finally shuffle off this mortal coil. Either way, I want to write this stuff down so that I never have to watch the musical again out of curiosity.
The following essay will contain major spoilers for both the first and second Phoenix Wright Takarazuka musicals, as I will be using many points from this musical to argue my thesis of the second musical. ... like you were going to watch them anyways. 
This one broke 8k. I’m dead inside.
Introducing The Director
Again another disclaimer that I don’t have anything against the actresses or the theatre troupe. I DO have something against Suzuki Kei, who I recently learned is the writer and director of all three of the Ace Attorney Takarazuka musicals, and is quite possibly my mortal nemesis.
This man is the one who brought this monstrosity into the world.
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This man, allegedly, cleared the first four ace attorney games *seven times* before sitting down to write these musicals. He played these goddamn games seven times and did not take in a single word. The man clicked through them mindlessly while watching a badly written legal romance drama in the background and got them completely confused. I genuinely have no idea how this man could have played these games more times than even me and yet managed to get so many characters (MAYA!!!!) completely and utterly wrong. This haunts me every day, truly.
This man played Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Justice for All, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Trials and Tribulations, and Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney seven times. SEVEN TIMES EACH!! and was told to create a musical based on the series. He played these games seven times each and you know what he said?? You know what he said?? “This sucks, I’m getting rid of all of Phoenix’s backstory, butchering half the characters, and writing Phoenix/Lana fanfiction, but also rewriting all of Lana’s backstory so that she was Phoenix’s childhood friend, and you know what, I’m changing her name for good measure.”
I think this man played the games seven times each and then hated it so much and was so sick of it he tried to write something that destroyed as much of the series as possible while still being vaguely recognizable. And then somehow it became a massive hit because people like me see this and go “what the actual hell” and watch it, or people who haven’t played the games see this and go “wow what a great musical!” and then he wrote TWO MORE, destroying EVEN MORE every time in his wake, until finally, finally, he stopped after making Edgeworth straight and time traveling into the past to face off against a corrupt Gregory. I guess that was the last straw.
I have to issue a disclaimer here that for legal reasons this is a joke. I don’t actually hate this man and would not punch him in the face if I met him because that would be rude, and he is entitled to his wrong interpretation of the games. I don’t know what his thought process was. But allegedly he did play the games seven times according to the wiki. This whole essay here is satire and not slander and I don’t want to offend this guy if he somehow stumbles across my nonsense tumblr post. At the same time: Suzuki Kei blink twice if you need help.
Anyways half the reason that I’m making this essay is because I want to share my fake ao3 page for this musical. The other half will become apparent later.
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Sorry if that’s illegible because of tumblr quality it’s not really important. All you really need to know is that it’s a fake ao3 screenshot for the musical. Also in the author’s note I said he played the games four times but it was actually seven I just remembered wrong because I didn’t want to believe it.
at this point you may be like “Grace shut up and get to the actual musical” and okay, fine, let’s start this nonsense. Also note that I may be referencing things from my essay on the second musical very frequently; I’m not going to force you to go read that though because the fact that you’re reading this is enough of a torment already.
The Musical Begins
Unlike the second musical, this one opens with some narration from Phoenix.
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Transcript:
Phoenix: I’m reviewing a particular case at the moment. To me, this case... is one I’ll never forget.
Immediately I think this is important because it establishes that this whole musical takes place in a flashback that Phoenix is reflecting on. Why is this important? Because we know, by the time of the second musical which takes place three years later, Leona is dead.
Knowing that Leona is inherently doomed to die of her Sad Woman Disease paints this whole musical in a different light. It’s not Phoenix reflecting on how he got back together with his lover; it’s Phoenix dwelling on their past together, and the opportunities they had, before her life was so cruelly and inexplicably taken away. We don’t know if Phoenix’s reminiscing takes place before or after Leona’s death... but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was after.
Phoenix, still in the present, starts to sing. “A wave appears on the horizon like a mirage, it trembles, then vanishes. Your voice, carried upon the waves, fades upon the shore, erasing the splendor of the past.”
This line actually shows up in the second musical, sung by Lucia about her imprisoned fiance quite possibly. It’s kind of hard to tell what the meaning of these songs even are. They’re too abstract for me I think. But this line appears very frequently in the first musical when Phoenix is thinking about Leona.
Then we enter the flashback time.
Phoenix inexplicably yells at a newspaper saleswoman. This is not relevant to anything whatsoever. Then Larry barges in to the office, looking for Maya. Phoenix describes him as “A real trouble maker, but you just can’t hate the guy”, the latter part of which I think many people would disagree with. 
Well, afterwards, Maya comes in. Phoenix describes her like this while making exaggerated “can you believe this shit” gestures.
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Transcript:
Phoenix: She’s as ditzy as they come. Oh, and about the outfit... Apparently she comes from a family of spirit mediums. Try not to make fun of her, okay?
Suzuki Kei personally has it out for Maya and I can never forgive him for it. Maya in these musicals is here for pure comedic relief but it’s not even comedic because I just get so angry. How can you play the trilogy seven times and think this about her?? The girl who figured out DL-6?? The girl who told Phoenix to sacrifice her life in order to find the truth?? The girl who put on a brave smile in order to try and cheer up her younger cousin even after she saw her own mother murdered right in front of her eyes?? That Maya Fey?? Ditzy as they come??????
Ugh. Moving on.
Maya and Larry run off, leaving Phoenix to watch the American Broadcast.
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Important things to note here are the Godot mug, the little line up of what I think are the messed up little ace attorney figurines beneath the screen, and the fact that while this broadcast is supposedly from and to America the screen is actually not at all showing America. Like literally almost everywhere in the world except North and South America.
The broadcast says that Leona Clyde, age 24, was arrested for murdering the senator Robert Cole! Leona Clyde -- that’s Phoenix’s ex-girlfriend! He runs off to the detention center.
She is not happy to see him.
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Leona: Mr. Wright... I’m not the woman you once knew.
Let’s Play A Matching Game
Sorry for the abundance of screenshots that are going to be throughout this section. Phoenix convinces Leona to let him defend her. Some of the conversation seems... familiar.
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Leona: No one would defend someone who admits to killing a senator. I’m waiting for a court-appointed attorney.
Edgeworth: Every defense attorney I’ve talked to has turned me down.
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Phoenix: In that case, let me defend you.
Game Phoenix: Let me defend you.
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Leona: Don’t be ridiculous!
Edgeworth: Don’t be ridiculous.
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Phoenix: I’ll never accept that you’re a murderer. Let me prove your innocence!
Game Phoenix: Huh? Isn’t it obvious? I’m going to prove that Miles Edgeworth is innocent.
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Leona: I’ve already confessed my guilt.
Gumshoe: He confessed that he did it! In court!
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Leona: It’s foolish to think you can win this case.
Edgeworth: My case is near hopeless, Wright.
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Leona: (in response to phoenix offering to defend her) No you won’t! Don’t ever come here again.
Edgeworth: Look, just go away, and leave me alone!
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Phoenix: You of all people should know. Once I decide to do something, I see it through to the end.
Edgeworth: Once you start on something, you always see it through, don’t you?
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Leona: I never thought that you’d be representing me.
Phoenix: Ah, who could have guessed this day would come?
Edgeworth: Not me.
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Phoenix: You believed in me. You saved me. And this time, I swear... I swear I’ll save you!
Game Phoenix: Edgeworth believed in me, and I believe in him. I’m the only one who knows the real Edgeworth. I’m the only one who can help him.
I could’ve done a few more, but tumblr is already threatening to murder my laptop.
So long story short, Phoenix manages to convince his lover to let him be the defense on the case. Then immediately after swearing to save Leona, he starts singing a song, which I’m not screencapping because this is enough:
“As long as there are people in this world, there’s only one path I will follow! As long as there is love in this world, there’s only one path I will believe in!”
Edgeworth sings this in the second musical after saying that he returned to California because of Phoenix. Phoenix sings it now after swearing to defend Leona. You draw your own conclusions.
And then we finally get the opening credits. Eleven minutes in.
Just Pretend This Is Narumitsu Fanfiction
Following the credits, we see a beautiful beach. Couples (exclusively heterosexual, of course,) dance and embrace in the background for some time, before revealing Phoenix and Leona, in the Even Further Past, before the LSATs or whatever the ace attorney universe’s excuse for law school exams are.
Phoenix establishes his absolute hatred of change, an important characterization moment.
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Phoenix: The view here never changes, huh?
Phoenix reminisces on when they were kids. Leona’s parents were both lawyers (they’re both lawyers) and sometimes they would be like lawyers with her when she was a kid. This inspired her to also become a lawyer after their tragic death of Sickness. They never specify what the sickness is that caused two people who must be relatively young to die while Leona was in her early twenties at the latest. It may be whatever sickness claimed Leona’s life later. Sad Woman Disease. (Sad Man Disease for her father, I guess?)
Phoenix also talks about why he’s becoming a lawyer.
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Phoenix: Watching you chase your dream inspired me to become a lawyer too.
So, it’s not “my childhood friend looked sad in a newspaper” because I guess that makes no sense or is too gay or something. But this is another important piece of Phoenix characterization. His entire life so far has been focused around Leona. They’ve been friends since they were kids, and then Phoenix decided to become a lawyer solely because Leona was becoming a lawyer. Not even to try and get back into contact with her after she moved away or anything; just because he’s so obsessed with her that he wants to have the same career as her, then they can run a Mom & Pop Law Firm or something, years in the future, after years of happy marriage and a few children or like whatever the hell.
Well, there’s a few steps they’ll need to get to that. At this point Phoenix still hasn’t confessed his feelings for Leona. He does so here, on this beach.
Leona tries to protest.
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Leona: But I’m pushy, selfish, and only care about my goals... You’d get fed up with me.
Phoenix: That’s what I’ve always admired about you. That’s who I’ve been chasing all these years. That’s the only person... I love.
Sooo, Phoenix, your type is pushy selfish people who only care about their goals...? In the first, older lower-quality video translation it was “only care about my work”, too. Hm. Things to think about.
They sing a little duet together. Then we go back to present-day of what’s technically still a flashback. Whatever. Murder is happening.
Back To The Murder
So some plot things to establish: Leona is the legal counsel of Governor Miller, who is running for president in the AMERICAN PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION. After the flashback so that Phoenix has some time to change clothes, they show an interview of him talking about the murder.
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Governor Miller: I vow to forge a peaceful country with my own two hands, and to prepare myself for whatever may lie ahead.
Reporters: Through thick and thin, he’s a friend of the people!
The Takarazuka musicals are not very good at hiding their killers.
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Phoenix: Oh yeah... It’s almost time for the presidential election, isn’t it?
NEVER FORGET, WRIGHT. THIS IS AMERICA. LAND OF THE FREE! god what even was that line.
Anyways, we meet Gumshoe, who is incompetent once again. Maya runs around the crime scene, picks up the murder weapon, puts her fingerprints all over everything, moves things around, all while Phoenix is like “lol get a load of the world’s stupidest girl” or whatever. But who cares about that.
It’s time to get to the only valid part of this musical.
Edgeworth’s Gay Little Villain Solo
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You may have seen this one before.
Edgeworth arrives, but not really. It’s like Phoenix heard Edgeworth was prosecuting and immediately entered a dream-like state, where Edgeworth is heralded by the sound of trumpets in Great Revival. He’s played by a different actress than in the other two musicals, since I think she retired in between the six or so months from this musical to the second. She still plays the role well, though, or as well as can be when you’re written in an ace attorney Takarazuka musical.
Shrouded in scarlet solitude... it’s Edgeworth.
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Yes, those are six Edgeworths. Yes, they pick Phoenix up and carry him around and dance with him. Yes, it was probably not meant to be at all homoerotic.
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He sings a song that’s called “My rule”. I only figured this out later, but it’s loosely based on a “catchphrase” of his in the Japanese version - in game 1 he says something along the lines of “All I can do is get every defendant declared guilty! So I make that my policy.” In DD in his dramatic anime introduction before the trial, he says “I intend to question the defendant with all I have. For that is a part of my creed.” “So I make that my policy” and “For that is a part of my creed”, to my understanding, are both translated from the same line, which I think is like, “sore ga watashi no ruru”, “That is my rule.” (If I’m wrong, please correct me.) In this song he sings about how he’ll reduce all criminals to ash and such, basically talks about his game 1 prosecuting strategy as “my rule”. 
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It’s very fun and probably if you want to only watch one number of this musical, it can be this one. It starts about 26:10 in the video I linked.
Once the musical number is done, Phoenix and Edgeworth stare at each other, and the background fades into the courtroom, so court begins. I feel like I should note that Phoenix has not picked up any evidence or talked to any witnesses in this investigation except for Gumshoe, since Maya just moved some things around and then Phoenix had some weird fever dream about Edgeworth which presumably took up the rest of the day.
The Trial, Day 1
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Edgeworth: Consider it a prelude to the poignant Greek tragedy that’s about to unfold.
Maya: The real tragedy’s your pompous attitude!
Those are the only screenshots I took of this trial day. Here’s a summary, though:
The trial starts off with Leona confessing, Phoenix says “no I think she’s innocent”, and since ace attorney doesn’t care about the defendant’s wishes he’s allowed to proceed. For some reason Leona lets him do this without complaint. 
Gumshoe is the first witness, he claims to have caught Leona red-handed at the scene of the crime, standing over the corpse. Phoenix tries to claim that since Gumshoe didn’t see Leona committing the crime, he didn’t actually catch her red-handed, to which Edgeworth responds “What do you think being caught red-handed means?” 
Once Gumshoe is dismissed, Lotta takes the stand. She has a photo of the actual moment of the crime, where Leona is holding a knife in the air in front of the victim. 
The Takarazuka musicals like to do this thing where the image is blurry and zoomed out, but then Phoenix will go “I’VE NOTICED A CONTRADICTION” and it zooms in really far as the resolution increases drastically in order to show you the contradiction that is impossible to spot for yourself, because they don’t want people figuring out the mystery in this musical based off of a video game where you have to solve the mystery yourself. Anyways Phoenix zooms in on this photo and sees that there’s blood on Leona’s hand, presumably before she stabbed the victim. How did it get there?
Edgeworth suggests the victim was stabbed multiple times. Phoenix says the autopsy report contradicts that. Edgeworth, uncharacteristically, does not update it to suit his argument. 
Phoenix concludes that this photo is not showing the moment Leona stabbed the victim, but the moment Leona removed the knife! ... Which somehow casts doubt on her having been the one to stab the victim. Because as everyone knows, anyone wanting to kill someone would never remove a knife, it’s not like they’d bleed out faster that way, or anything.
And this whole contradiction is confusing because presumably if the victim was stabbed and then the knife was removed, they’d know that happened, because then the knife would not be found stuck in the victim’s body, since the victim was only stabbed once. So this shouldn’t be news to the prosecution that someone removed the knife after stabbing. But the investigation was headed by the most incompetent version of Gumshoe ever, so. sure. I guess no one knew.
That at least manages to extend the trial another day.
This Totally Has To Be Illegal
After the trial, Phoenix goes to talk to Governor Miller, aka Mr. Totally The Real Killer. Phoenix asks him why he decided to hire Leona as his legal advisor.
Basically, it’s because her parents were both renowned lawyers. Her father was a Chief Prosecutor, and her mother was a defense attorney. ... a prosecutor and a defense attorney couple... who does that remind us of...
Phoenix points out that just because her parents were good lawyers, it doesn’t mean she’d necessarily be one. Miller says that, sure, but she is actually really talented, and her law school marks were spectacular. Phoenix says “WHY WERE YOU LOOKING AT HER LAW SCHOOL MARKS”, like it’s somehow? suspicious? for a government official hiring legal counsel to look at their law school marks?
Apparently it IS suspicious because Governor Miller freaks out and asks if this is an interrogation. Before Phoenix can press much further, he gets a phone call, and leaves Phoenix alone in a big room.
So naturally Phoenix behaves like a fully grown adult running a law firm.
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If all he did was sit in the chair, lift up a desk lamp, and poke his finger on a pen, that’s one thing. But then he leans over, OPENS THE GOVERNOR’S DESK DRAWER, and finds a knife that’s just sitting there casually. It looks like a butter knife. It’s not anything major. Maybe the dude just wanted to butter his toast?
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I mean I know Phoenix will dig around in stuff whenever in the games, but he has no reason to suspect Governor Miller at all, much less dig through his drawer probably full of confidential government documents to lift up a knife that he thinks is suspicious. It’s not even covered in blood or anything?
Naturally Governor Miller’s assistant comes in just then, and Phoenix puts the knife. in his breast pocket. 
bud. It may look like a butter knife, but putting knives up against your chest is not a great idea. Much less stealing a knife from a governor? 
Well, in his panic, he accidentally knocks over a bunch of books on the desk. The governor’s assistant helps him pick them up, and they find a photo. Look a little familiar?
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The photo has the assistant, the victim Robert Cole, Governor Miller, and the victim’s brother who died in an incident two years ago. He’s the “Neil Marshall” of this musical, and he died in what was essentially the SL-9 incident. Same general premise, except it occurred in the courthouse, and the names are different.
AND FINALLY WE REACH THE END OF ACT 1. They do a musical number here which is a weird sort of mashup of the main opening credits song, Edgeworth’s Villain Solo, and the love duet between Phoenix and Leona. They are all such different songs that it sounds a little weird.
ACT 2, FINALLY
The act begins on a sour note with Maya playing with the knife and showing off her characterization, which is one of the most infuriating Maya characterizations you’ll sometimes see around the fandom by people who don’t like Maya.
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Maya: Let me whip up my special spirit channeler hamburgers!
sigh.
But then we’re saved (?) by the arrival of EDGEWORTH, who is presumably just here to chat. He asks Phoenix if he’s defending Leona in hopes of winning her back, then says to keep out of it, since it’s a very important case and he can’t understand the gravity of it.
Then Phoenix says this.
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Phoenix: Would you be saying that if you were the one on trial? The defendant is in a dark prison, reaching out for hope... Can you imagine the loneliness and sorrow of being ostracized?
CAN YOU IMAGINE IT, EDGEWORTH? CAN YOU IMAGINE IF YOU WERE ON TRIAL AND I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO WOULD DEFEND YOU AND BELIEVED IN YOUR INNOCENCE??
Edgeworth responds to this by essentially rehashing his speech in Turnabout Sisters about how he needs to find all defendants guilty because he can’t guarantee their innocence and all that. Maya gets upset and leaves so that Phoenix and Edgeworth can talk about their childhood in private.
Phoenix once again complains about how people change since nine years old.
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Phoenix then says that he has something Edgeworth doesn’t: the POWER TO BELIEVE! Then Maya comes in and tries to spike Edgeworth’s coffee, so he leaves.
The Class Trial
Phoenix explains a bit about Edgeworth and his backstory to Maya. Namely, the class trial. Phoenix was accused of stealing lunch money, Edgeworth stood up for him, but instead of Larry, Leona stood up for him. I guess Suzuki Kei thought “oh the class trial, if Leona stood up for him, it would be so romantic, because she’s a woman, and he’s a man”, or something like that. 
Edgeworth wanted to become a Great Lawyer Like His Father! But then he turned cold as ice.
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Phoenix: His father got too deeply involved in a case... and paid for it with his life. Edgeworth saw him murdered. He was never the same again. I bet he couldn’t forgive the criminal.
Yeah I bet he couldn’t ever forgive the person he thought killed his father all these years, Phoenix. I bet he really hates that person, Phoenix. I bet he has nightmares about that person killing his father or something, Phoenix.
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Phoenix: He vanished, then returned without his mercy or compassion. He had become a monster. When he lost his father, he also lost the ability to believe in others.
So like... one of the most chilling things about this musical is that they never actually solve DL-6. This probably roughly takes place 15 years after DL-6, since they were about the same age when the class trial started, and at least Leona is 24 now. The next musical takes place three years from now, and in it, Edgeworth refers to von Karma as his mentor, implying he’s still around and doing things.
So, in addition to everything else going wrong with this musical, DL-6 still happens, but von Karma never frames Edgeworth for it fifteen years later. The statute of limitations runs out, and von Karma forever gets away with his crime. And Edgeworth has no idea.
What changes did they make to DL-6, though, you may ask? I’m desperate to know as well. In the third musical, which I’ve watched because I hate myself but am unable to fully understand because I don’t know much Japanese, there is a scene where Miles flashbacks to DL-6. It’s abstract, but he makes gun-throwing motions at Gregory, followed by a gunshot sound.
Therefore, in this musical’s internal canon, either Miles Edgeworth shot his father, or he believes he did for the rest of his life.
... moving on.
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Phoenix: But he still has his humanity. It’s still there, deep down inside!
At least, if nothing else, Phoenix still believes in him. Even this Takarazuka Musical couldn’t touch that.
The Feenie Sweater
Right after this, Larry barges in, and Phoenix leaves him alone with Maya. The musical tries teasing Larry/Maya, but fortunately, Maya’s having none of it.
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Maya: You’re barking up the wrong tree.
Props to this musical for not being as bad as it could have been.
After this, the two sit down on the couch, and Maya asks for more gossip on Phoenix and Leona. Larry launches into a story, which turns into a flashback that ends up being narrated by Phoenix halfway through. This one’s about Phoenix and Leona’s relationship.
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This is an interesting line in here, “I’ll guide you to the future”, for it loosely referencing the sort of love ballad Phoenix sings with Lucia in the second musical which is about “I’ll take you to that radiant future”, and he later sings to the memory of Leona right around the time of his big spiral into despair.
I’m sorry if you haven’t read my other essay and just said “wait what” to what I just typed.
Leona was getting ready to move to New York to defend the weak “in the big city”. This is rather strange wording because it implies that California does not in fact have a big city. She says some things in her conversation with Phoenix that probably plant some of his later issues.
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Leona: This is the first time we’ll be apart since we were kids.
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Leona: We promised we’d always be together.
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Leona: I’ll be waiting. Waiting for you to come to me.
Haha. Sure would be a shame... if something were to happen... and they wouldn’t be able to be together anymore...
So some dancers wearing black come in and take off their outer jackets, to symbolize the passage of time. They circle around Phoenix and Leona. In this, you can just barely see, Phoenix is wearing a pink sweater beneath his jacket.
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“Oh,” I think to myself, “Is that the Feenie sweater? Are they including it here as a reference to the games?”
Then the dancers keep moving.
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THAT IS NOT THE FEENIE SWEATER. That is a pink sweater with a sexily drawn woman on it.
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This is the other half of the reason why I decided to go through with making this essay. 
This is so incredibly funny to me. Suzuki Kei Who Has Played The Games Seven Times has seen the hand-knit bright pink sweater with a giant red heart on it seven times. The sweater Iris, Phoenix’s girlfriend, lovingly knit for him that he wears all the time even though it is one of the tackiest, cheesiest items of clothing to ever exist. And so, when the costume designers were designing the clothes for College Phoenix Wright, they asked themselves: “Should we include the Feenie sweater?”
and “NO,” someone must have shouted, “NO, we can NOT include the Feenie sweater, it is PINK and it has a HEART on it and it’s TOO GIRLY. Phoenix Wright is a MANLY MAN. He would not EVER wear something PINK with a HEART on it.”
“BUT,” someone else said, “it’s a REFERENCE to the original games, where he DID wear a pink sweater with a heart on it! We MUST include it to pander to the fans!”
“WAIT,” a third person interjected. “I have a BRILLIANT IDEA. We can keep the pink... But to make it VERY CLEAR he is a heterosexual, masculine male... we put a sexy woman on it.”
And Person Three Got A Raise.
Thank god we’re finally halfway done this musical.
We Just Have To Go On With Our Lives Now
There’s plot or something happening. Leona breaks up with Phoenix inexplicably over the phone. Probably because of that freaking sweater. Imagine wearing that. God.
Eventually we go back to Phoenix talking to Leona, and he asks about the Jack Lyon case, which is the rip-off version of the Joe Darke case. Leona is pretty cagey about it, but Phoenix proves that she was there in the gallery that day. Leona refuses to answer, claims again that she killed the victim in her case, and leaves.
This makes Phoenix sad, so he starts singing.
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Phoenix: I want to bring you back! I believe in you.
If this sounds familiar, it’s the part where I started absolutely losing my mind in the second musical because this line had never shown up before then, I’d forgotten it was in this musical, and Phoenix was screaming it alone in a red room, so I thought he was like desperately resorting to a necromancy ritual in hopes of bringing Leona back to life.
Instead, this line actually has CONTEXT, though it does just end up enforcing my theory. This is Phoenix mourning what he used to have with Leona, wanting to bring the “old her” back, because he’s devastated that people sometimes change. There are several flashbacks of their college days where he’s wearing his Sexy Woman Sweater. He does succeed in winning her back at the end of this musical. Before she dies, of course.
Phoenix in musical 2 still believes that he can bring back what he used to have with Leona... even beyond death. That’s something affirmed by this musical. I’m very grateful to it for somehow managing to enforce my nonsensical theory.
Doctor Ema
After this, Phoenix returns to his office, and meets with someone new.
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That’s right! Only now, halfway through the musical, do we actually get to meet the Ema-equivalent to Leona’s Lana-equivalent. Her name is Monica Clyde. She has little rainbow heart stickers on her briefcase, which is the closest thing this musical has to acknowledging that gay people exist.
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But what does this little briefcase contain, you may ask? Scientific investigation tools? No.
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A full surgical toolset. Because you never know when someone’ll get sick, or when someone will need an entire operation in front of you. I guess.
So yes, Monica Clyde is not a forensic scientist in training, but a doctor! She decided to become a doctor because of her parents, who passed away of The Sickness, and so became a doctor in order to save lives like theirs.
Once more this has much darker and deeper implications than the musical is even aware of, because Monica is so anxious about treating sick people that she carries a full surgical toolset around with her at all times, scared to lose someone like she lost her parents... and then sometime in the next three years, Leona, her big sister, is going to die.
Of what? The strange Sickness that claimed her parents? A car accident? A botched spur-of-the-moment surgery? Whatever it is, Monica was unable to save her, even when she’d been training her entire life for it.
Monica is not mentioned at all throughout the second musical. It’s as if she does not exist.
Because unlike Ema of Rise From The Ashes, Monica is not at the heart of this story. She is, primarily, a plot device here to make Leona not trust Phoenix so that he can angst about their relationship. 
What a mess this world is.
The Trial, Part 2
Rather than try to prove Leona’s innocence, Phoenix wants to link the current case to not-SL-9, the Jack Lyon case. He does this by showing this picture.
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Senator Cole, the victim, is in this picture. His younger brother whose name I’ve forgotten, the victim of not-SL-9, is also in this picture. They are brothers. It is apparently novel that they are in the same picture, and somehow makes their cases linked.
As well, Governor Miller is in the picture. I guess you could say like... Governor Miller’s legal counsel is the defendant, so that’s another link? Even though the Governor would presumably know a Senator, so this isn’t an unusual group. Right now Phoenix has absolutely nothing to prove that these two cases are linked other than “hey, these two victims are brothers”, but apparently it works. So they spend a lot of time talking about not-SL-9, since Leona has confessed to the murder on day 1 and there is absolutely nothing indicating that she can’t be immediately declared guilty.
They hid the fact that Monica was a hostage in this not-SL-9, meaning that some of the case records were forged. Here’s Edgeworth’s reaction when this comes out.
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Edgeworth: This is an outrage! I’m the most influential prosecutor in America! There’s nothing I don’t know!
In RFTA, when Edgeworth learns he’d been using forged evidence to give a man the death penalty, he is devastated, his entire worldview is shaken, he sees himself as a monster who could end up becoming horribly corrupt if he isn’t stopped.
Musical Edgeworth goes “I DIDN’T KNOW SOMETHING???”
It’s certainly strange characterization, but I guess Edgeworth is further behind in his character arc than in RFTA, so... ugh. Fine. 
Phoenix calls Monica out as a witness to prove she was involved in the case. This causes Leona to panic, and try to dismiss Phoenix as her attorney, like Lana in RFTA, but Edgeworth interjects to call Monica in anyways. He and Phoenix have a little moment.
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Edgeworth: You said to believe in others. I suppose I’ll try believing in you. Try to keep up.
Phoenix: Edgeworth!
So Monica comes to the stand to testify. We get to see this picture of Monica being held hostage, and not-Joe-Darke’s incredible eyeliner.
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Lots of it is very similar to the actual RFTA, except instead of the victim being stabbed on the knight with the giant knife, he’s instead stabbed with a regular old knife. Leona still refuses to admit to what really happened, until Edgeworth convinces her to believe in Phoenix.
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Edgeworth: Your attorney is a runaway train with a one-track mind. Yet he placed all of his faith in you. Believe in him. You owe him that much.
Leona testifies, and says that when she found the victim, he was stabbed with a scalpel.
Here is where things get weird.
Scalpels Can’t Kill People
So basically earlier in this trial, they talk about how Leona knew that the knife that stabbed the victim was double-edged despite being buried in his chest. The judge questions if this means Leona killed him, but Phoenix is quick to say no, she was searched when she entered the courthouse and couldn’t have concealed a knife.
Yet, Monica was able to bring in her surgical toolkit which contains several sharp knives, scalpels, scissors, etc.
This is the first major contradiction.
Leona continues to say that when she found Monica, and the scalpel stabbed in the victim, she also ran into Governor Miller, who if you haven’t been able to tell yet is the Gant-equivalent of this musical. He offered to help her with the cover-up, etc.
The next bit goes a lot like RFTA. Phoenix accuses Governor Miller, who barges in, says Phoenix has the decisive evidence in his pocket. This is the “butter knife” that Phoenix took from his office when he dug around in confidential documents and stole it for no particular reason. It has Monica’s fingerprints on it! ... And Phoenix’s and Maya’s too probably because they were handling it without gloves, but they don’t mention that part.
Leona cries about how she shouldn’t have trusted Phoenix because he was apparently now blaming Monica, Monica looks terrified, she and Leona have some good sister moments but it’s not as good as it could be if the story was actually about Leona and Monica like how RFTA was about Lana and Ema. But Phoenix has the decisive piece of evidence that can turn this around.
It is this:
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Phoenix: Scalpels are made for medical incisions, not stabbings. So how did it stab the victim?
...
...
...
... What?
So like. Yes, scalpels are made for medical incisions. Medical incisions often involve cutting through flesh, very easily. As a result, they are sharp. Extremely sharp. As in: their purpose is literally to stab people, very specifically.
Yes, they’re easier to control, so that surgeons don’t regularly stab people how they’re not supposed to be stabbed, but it’s not like, impossible to stab someone in a killing way with a scalpel? Admittedly, I have never tried to kill someone using a scalpel. And I do not have experience using a scalpel for surgeries because I am not a surgeon. But I’m pretty sure, if you take a sharp scalpel, and you stab someone in the chest with it with a reasonable amount of force... they die.
Like, is this a particular kind of scalpel that is not very sharp? Is the problem that the blade doesn’t match up with the initial wound? But even then, we don’t have the original unforged autopsy report or even a picture, so how would Phoenix know what the original wound looked like to say it didn’t match up? And even then why wouldn’t Phoenix say that instead of SCALPELS CAN’T STAB PEOPLE???
This is his decisive contradiction and it makes ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE TO ME!!!
Well Darn I Guess Scalpels Can’t Kill People
This is such a decisive piece of evidence, that scalpels can’t kill people, coming from the man who thought “caught red-handed” does not involve being caught standing over a corpse with blood on your hands, that it causes Governor Miller to confess.
Unlike Gant, who created the murder with Neil Marshall both to ensure that there was decisive evidence to convict Joe Darke, a serial killer who had not left any decisive evidence behind, and gain control over the prosecutor’s office in order to pull similar stunts to get criminals convicted using false evidence, Governor Miller does not have that as his motive. After all, he’s not a police officer. Instead, he ended up accidentally killing not-Joe-Darke, and then set up the incident in order to get Leona on his side. As her parents were both influential lawyers and very respectable, having her and her parents’ reputation on his side could help him become President of America Where This Takes Place.
So, let’s just take a moment to run over some of the things that made the original Rise From The Ashes great, in my opinion. Just for fun.
1 - The heart of the story between the Skye sisters. Lana closing off to protect Ema, Ema wanting to get through to her sister and get back to the way things used to be. Phoenix, in this story, is more of a bystander to this plotline rather than in the heart of it himself.
2 - Edgeworth’s Character Development. Basically RFTA creates an interesting transition between Turnabout Goodbyes and JFA. It causes Edgeworth to re-evaluate everything he knows about being a prosecutor. So quickly on the heels of Turnabout Goodbyes, it crushes the last bit of hope in him. It compares him to Gant, who also hates criminals, and forces him to wonder if his hatred of crime will one day lead to him being a criminal himself. He’s already convicted one person on forged evidence; how many others could there be?
3 - The Ends Justify The Means. ... wait come back, don’t leave. What I found neat about this case was also Gant’s motive. At one point he was presumably an honest person who hated crime and wanted to stop criminals. But over time in the police force, he became corrupted. He wanted to have all criminals convicted. So what do you do when you don’t have the evidence to convict them? Joe Darke was a serial killer who has killed several people and may have killed more if he’d gone free. The only way to stop and convict him was by using forged evidence. Other criminals could hide evidence to get away with their crimes, so people like Gant would make it up to catch them; but then when do you stop? What happens if there’s no evidence because someone is truly innocent? When does the line between “this person is a criminal and I want to stop them” and “I just want to convict everyone I’m dealing with” become blurred? This is also something he shares with Edgeworth and helps to advance his character.
All three of these things are either lessened or outright ignored in this musical. Leona and Monica’s story takes a backseat to Phoenix and Leona’s Love Story, with Monica only showing up halfway through, and mainly as an excuse as to why Leona is withdrawn. Edgeworth doesn’t seem to blame himself for the forged evidence he used, and doesn’t have a crisis questioning his morality over it. And Governor Miller’s motive is purely power. Unlike Gant, who would have become Chief of Police whether he solved SL-9 or not, Miller needed Leona to win the presidency. And instead of asking her to help him with his campaign like a normal person, he just blackmailed her instead.
... How do you play the games seven times and miss this much?
The Case Finally Ends
god. we’re almost there.
The case ends, Leona is declared not guilty but will still face trial for covering up murders and such. Probably less of a sentence than Lana because she was not involved in ongoing police corruption? Either way she’s dead in three years, so she’s got something a bit more concerning coming up.
She’s led away. Phoenix sings a bit about Leona before being interrupted by Edgeworth... who has something important to tell him.
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Edgeworth: You awakened within me those once-cherished emotions I had discarded. I see visions of a distant, nostalgic past.
So basically this is the unnecessary feelings of the musical. Something along the lines of “seeing you again and fighting for my former ideals is making me question many things about myself.”
How does Phoenix respond?
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Phoenix: Edgeworth... Try talking normally for a chance.
Sure, we were all thinking it, but that’s a little cold, Phoenix.
Edgeworth tries a smooth recovery.
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Edgeworth: I don’t do... idle chit-chat.
This doesn’t accomplish much. So he leaves to allow Leona to visit with Phoenix alone. He’s got to go change for something more important coming up.
Leona and Phoenix decide that they’re going to get back together once Leona is done her sentence! They make a promise that is very funny if you know she’ll be dead in three years.
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Phoenix: I’ll be waiting. For you.
There are a lot of hugs here, I’m not screencapping them all. There are also several moments where their faces get very close together and like, their nose brushes the other’s cheek or something, but they never actually kiss. Is it because the actresses weren’t comfortable with it (valid), or they thought kissing would be too much for the musical (sure, whatever), or since both characters are played by women the show staff did not want two women kissing on stage (probably the real answer)? I don’t like watching kisses, but I kept bracing myself for one and then it never happened, so.
Phoenix ends the main part of the musical with one last musical number starring my personal favourite piece:
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Phoenix: I want to bring you back! I believe in you.
I like to think that at this point, this is present-day Phoenix, after finishing his reminiscing, still desperately wishing he could bring Leona back from death.
But alas, he cannot. And so, after one last daydream of them dancing together on the beaches of California, singing about their love, the musical ends.
Dance Time!
This starts at exactly the two hour mark, if you’re interested in watching what is, once again, one of the only fun parts of this musical.
Seriously, Edgeworth’s actress kills it here, when I first saw this I went “oh, this is why I saw so many people being gay for her on twitter.”
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Edgeworth’s song is an encore of “My Rule”, so it’s lots of fun. Afterwards Phoenix gets another fun piece.
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Then we get to the love ballad part, which I can probably overanalyze, I feel like I haven’t done enough ridiculous over-analyzing in this essay in comparison to the other.
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Uhhh so the fog represents how Phoenix feels lost in this world without Leona. You can see it in the second screenshot separating the two of them, representing the barrier of death between the two of them. Idk it’s midnight I’m getting worn out from having to think about this musical for so long.
But his mourning over Leona’s death becomes even more apparent in the credits, where Phoenix sings that one line again:
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Phoenix: I want to bring you back! I believe in you.
I’m not fixing that screenshot, I think it’s oddly fitting, in a way. That’s me right now.
Then at the very end, he sings this song.
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Phoenix: I’ll spend... this eternal life... soaring through... the heavens!
Technically, this refers to his name Phoenix, but let’s dig a little deeper. He spends the rest of his life soaring through the heavens... the heavens that Leona went to after her untimely death, perhaps?
Overall, the musical becomes much more interesting when you just see it as a prequel to the second musical. This musical establishes many core concepts of Phoenix’s character: his refusal to believe in the concept of things changing, for one, and also his extreme dependency on Leona who he was never separated from since they were kids and where he based his entire life around her dreams and ideals. All he can think about is her. And in the end, he promises to wait for her in California.
Yet, to paraphrase Miles Edgeworth, all that is waiting for him is her death. Their dream of opening up a Mom & Pop Law Firm will never come true.
Thanks again for bearing with me even though this wasn’t as funny!
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samnyangie · 3 years
Text
Perhaps everyone already know it but me(or even I might had seen it before;;), but I’ve found a rsl interview on the dead poets society (https://rsl-daily.livejournal.com/140836.html), he talked about the behind the scenes in great detail and I thought it’d be an interesting read to those who are just fan of the film.
To those who haven’t read this before… enjoy!
____________________________________________________________
unknown: from script to screen
The Collaborative Art of Filmmaking
by Linda Seger and Edward Jay Whetmore
From Script to Screen
unknown
Robert Sean Leonard on Dead Poets' Society
All seven of us boys arrived a week before shooting. We were told that the week was reserved for haircuts and learning how to play soccer. It turned out to, be a week of getting to know each other. The first morning we went through the script as it was, and the following mornings were basically improvisations.
Once Peter Weir directed us to get up one by one and give a speech in character. He would do silly things, like he would pretend he was a teacher putting together a Christmas pageant and we were all supposed to be in it. Some of us formed a human sleigh and the rest of us had to be reindeer. Maybe it was silly but it got us in touch with our characters and the feeling of the script. And it also helped us get to know each other.
The Cave Scene
Right away Peter told us that the poetry scene, the first scene of the boys in the cave, would be the hardest scene to pull off in this movie. The audience has to believe that there are seven young guys in this cave that are having a good time reading poetry. They don't want to leave. And Peter said if we could make that scene work, the movie would work.
In the original script, that first cave scene had problems. It was just us reading poetry. One of us had a line like "Isn't this fun?" or "How great." Finally Peter said to us, "I just don't believe it. I don't believe that these guys would sit in a cave at midnight and just read poetry."
And then he said something I'll always remember because it was wonderful. He said, "I don't know what happened that night in the cave, but you all do. That's why I hired you. I met you and I knew from talking to you that you were all there. You know what went on that night and I need you to tell me." So we all went home like fiends and wrote seven different scenes on our own, and we worked together, and improvised a lot of ideas.
Late at night somebody would knock on my door and say, "I have an idea about this," and then we'd discuss it. Then he'd disappear and we'd keep writing. It was incredibly collaborative and fun. We came up with things like the food and the ghost stories and the Playboy magazine. We thought of how we would sulk around at school and rag on our teachers.These were things that we honestly thought would occur. We'd bring them to Peter and he'd say, "You're right, do it."
Up on the Roof
There was always a kind of freedom. He would take in all of our ideas, keep some, throw some out, and then have Tom rewrite scenes. Like in the final version there's the scene where Ethan [Hawke] and I throw the desk set off the roof. Ethan and I had done the original version of that scene together for Peter when we had auditioned. Ethan says, "It's my birthday." I ask him what he got-was it the same thing his parents got him last year? And he says yes.
In the original version he goes on about his family and says, "I used to think that all parents just automatically loved their children and now I know it's not true. Because my parents certainly don't love me, or at least not as much as they love my brother." And then he walks away and I sort of look after him with concern.
We shot the scene at three in the morning and Peter said, "I don't think this is right. I think we already know all this. We're overstating it. The audience knows this by now. It's in the performance, it doesn't need to be said. I'd rather this scene be more about friendship than about a confession or exposition on the boys' problems. I want it to be more active, I want something to happen."
So he put it in our hands, and we went off and decided to destroy the desk set. Peter said it was a good idea but he wanted us to throw it off the roof because we only had three desk sets to work with. So the three of us wrote the scene on the spot. Half of it was improvised in front of the camera. It was great.
Another scene that got changed was where I perform in the play. Originally my character's father walks onstage in the middle of the performance and drags me off in front of all the other actors and the audience. Peter wanted me to complete the performance, to see the people cheering. And that's what we did.
The Big Sleep
My character's suicide was obviously a major scene in the film, and it kind of hung over everything. At the beginning of filming Peter explained, "I want you to put that scene out of your mind, I don't want you playing it like this boy is doomed. I want you to pretend that he goes on to become a doctor or lawyer, there's nothing wrong." He didn't want to give the audience any clues. He wanted it to be one of those cases where everyone says, "My God, he would be the last person I would ever have thought would have done that!"
We shot it toward the end of production. Much of my preparation was subconscious. A lot of it involved the love I felt for all the boys, and for Peter and Robin. I just adored Kurt Smith who played my father. When you're surrounded by people that you're comfortable with and that support you, the difficult scenes become a lot easier.
I did read a lot about teen suicides and quotes from people who had attempted it. I found that a lot of teenage suicides happen because their world is smaller and it's much easier to feel trapped, especially somewhere like that school. They don't know the world beyond the school. Their parents and teachers are their whole universe.
Neil was like a child who had his candy taken away. His father takes acting away and tells him he's going to go tomilitary school, there's no choice in the matter. It's the end of everything he knows and loves.
When you're that young, you don't feel that there are any options. That's where the trapped feeling comes from. No future. And I don't think Neil thinks it out too much. For him it's a romantic, passionate decision.
Working with Robin Williams
There's a scene with Robin in the schoolroom where I lie to him and tell him that my father gave me permission to be in the play. He says, "Did you tell your father? What did he say?" and I say, "It will be fine." The scene was only about five lines and then I was to get up and leave.
But when the camera was on me, instead of letting me leave, Robin repeats the questions again, "Really, you really told him?" In my mind I'm thinking, why aren't we cutting? What's happening here? We're completely off the script and why aren't we cutting? Robin says it again, "Really, you told him what you told me?" And he looks in my eyes, and I'm terrified. I say, "Well, he wasn't happy," and then I mumble something, which I don't think makes any sense, like "He'll be in Chicago, so it won't really matter." I totally made that up as the camera was rolling. Robin just tortured me. He kept repeating all the questions, and I had to improvise different answers. I'm totally on the spot. And of course it comes across wonderfully that I'm lying.
Peter said, "Cut" and "Perfect," and that was the take that was used.
Robin made that scene work, and that was his strength. He's incredible on his feet. We were all very young and impressionable, and I would never have had the nerve to go completely off book with Robin Williams. But it was his place to do that, since he was the star. And he did. He treated us as equals. He was a joy to work with.
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