#It's one of those days where Im incredibly upset and angry about how I was treated as a child :) :) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lesbiannancytruther · 1 year

Note

I never said Steve would blame Nancy for not being into him or Robin for possibly having feelings. Steve is not the type of person who would force others to like him. He let her go so she could date Jonathan in s2. However, Jonathan and Steve weren't friends at all, so that's an entirely different situation. If Jonathan and him were bffs, he would have distanced himself from him as well.

I guess I project a lot on Steve because a friend of mine started to date my ex, and I felt super betrayed. We don't know how much Robin knows about Stancy, but they would have talked about it. The equivalent to this would be Steve dating Tammy Thompson or Vickie after learning how much Robin liked them. I don't see Robin being extremely thrilled about that either. I also don't think being hurt or angry at your bff if they were to date your ex is shitty behavior or unhealthy. Like I said, I ended that friendship with my friend because I felt hurt and betrayed. It's called setting boundaries. Now I don't think Steve would simply let go of Robin, but their relationship would change where he would distance himself from her, that would also not make him a bad friend, he is setting boundaries. Robin can do whatever but she would have to consider the possible consequences and if it's worth it to jeopardize her friendship with Steve. It's not so simple because the situation is super messy.

I do think Steve would come around later, but his dynamic with Robin would change, like he's not a doormat with zero feelings that you can just walk over. Like a tiny part of him would always feel betrayed by it, especially if he knows Robin knew about his feelings for Nancy. It's one thing to say, hey mate, she moved on. She has a new partner, and another thing to say move on I want to date your ex, and you better be happy about it. I agree Robin not persuing Nancy for the sake of Steve could lead to resentment of Steve, but at the same time Robin betraying Steve could lead to Steve resenting Robin, and tbh he has the right to voice those feelings just like Robin as the rights.

I also doubt Nancy would be super happy with Steve constantly being around. S4 was the first time they hung out again, they both actively avoided each other between seasons because they are not friends. I think she would have problems with her gf being extremely close with her ex. Especially because she was hurt so much by Steve. Again it's such a messy situation for all parties involved.

ok this is meaty so if i forget smth idk what to tell u lol

point 1, before anything else: considering steve acted all upset when nancy greeted Her Boyfriend Jonathan at the end of s4 because he'd started to feel old feelings is indicative that yes, he probably would feel that way in some capacity.

and, tbh, main point in all of this: there is a certain problem with projecting your own feelings onto characters in the show if it doesn't really fit the situation described. i know nothing about your own personal experience, it would be foolish of me to tell you what was the right or wrong way to handle your personal situation, but i'm thinking it is not a 1 to 1 comparison to the characters in the show, which is why it needs to be looked at differently.

nancy and steve's relationship ending wasn't a "one is at fault and the other isn't" situation, but im presenting this argument the best way i can:

if nancy had done steve incredibly wrong (which we can fight all day on: no she didn't) and their relationship didn't work out because nancy was abusive/toxic to him, then he would absolutely feel betrayed by robin pursuing a relationship with her! the problem? that's not at ALL what happened.

nancy and steve's relationship ended because 1) steve's incredible wrongs (see: nancy "the slut" wheeler" and leaving her drunk at a party) had stacked AND nancy, who needed to deal with her trauma, could not put it aside for steve, who wanted to repress his own trauma, by pretending everything was normal.

the biggest hurt that nancy caused steve was the "bullshit" scene, and canonically IN THE SHOW steve says she was right! that that needed to be said, which he learned after his development in s3.

steve messed up with nancy, and while i don't think he's a bad person for it, by any stretch of the imagination, it'd be really weird for him to hold it against robin for wanting to pursue something with nancy because of his own hurt feelings.

you're point on moving on: those two things really aren't that different, but one blatantly misinterprets the point i made about robin, and also about what confronting someone about something unhealthy means. if you talk to someone about their behavior and go "hey, this is uncool", it is never "suck it up and like what's happening" it's "this is the truth, please understand why your perception isn't healthy". it is never comfortable, but it's also not mean.

also: voicing hurt feelings is different than justifying them. if you say, "hey, this bothers me, even if it shouldn't", it is not a crime on you, or a bad thing to do, it's way healthier than ignoring those feelings. because at the end of the day, any resentment steve gains for robin from something like that, it isn't healthy, like no ifs, ands, or buts, in their situation it wouldn't be healthy.

and final point: nancy cares a lot about steve. just because they aren't the bestest of friends does NOT mean they don't care about each other. look at s4: nancy looked so relieved to see steve and the others pull up, because she knows she can rely on him, and steve wants to be there for her. i really don't think nancy feels romantically for steve, but she still cares about him, a lot, and what happened between them doesn't change that. robin and steve being besties does the opposite of bother her, by the way, like in canon.

i can't tell where you stand on nancy wheeler, but a lot of your points really don't feel like you understood stancy for what it was, and who nancy and steve are now.

#stranger things #nancy wheeler #robin buckley #ronance #steve harrington

15 notes · View notes

sunflouwerhabit · 2 years

Note

hello !! good day to you !! :)

first, i wanna say that i've read and re-read all your completed fics multiple times and im waiting for write this down to be complete to read it (because im so terrible at waiting through cliffhangers, heh) and i love love LOVE your works so very much. everybody wants you ?? down the line ??? swear to be overdramatic ???? the DRABBLES ????? i love how Healthy relationships are portrayed and i love the tenderness between H and L and i love that you make your side characters so well rounded instead of just being a vent board to the main characters, so, THANK you for writing !!! and uploading your artwork !!!!!

secondly, i was just wondering, are real life healthy relationships (romantic and platonic, plus familial) genuinely that vulnerable and intimate as has been portrayed in the book ? like, there's a scene in the drabbles where H rambles to Elena that he's so happy that he has L and he never thought he'd get to a place where he'd be comfortable with his s/o going to the clubs alone, and that's. he's opening up, and he's actually talking about his feelings, and it's just . so good . and so honest . and i absolutely ADORE that chat .

i have trouble with social interaction and i don't know how much is deemed "socially acceptable" to share so i was wondering if it's realistic to just be so vulnerable . you don't have to answer this at all !! and im /not/ questioning the accuracy of your book, i was just genuinely wondering about real life relationships as im very very (very very very) socially inadept, heh.

sorry for the loooooong rambly ask ! you really don't have to answer if you don't wish to !! and i hope you're having a fabtastic day !! and that you're being kind to yourself :) <3

OH MY GOD HIIIIIIII <3 i am so, so sorry i did not see this a little earlier, but i am here to answer now :)

so FIRST thank you so so so so much for reading my stories and for those kinds words and just ???? AKLJFSLKJFSDFS ?????? you get sO many bonus points for mentioning everybody wants you :'))) (i forget about her sometimes, so you officially know my stories better than i do sdjfsfsdj). i am so happy you love them and that you reread them and i hope you enjoy write this down tooooo (she's FINALLY uploaded in her entirety! i also never read WIP because i am so impatient sdjkfsjlfj). getting to develop my characters and their stories (especially the side characters ?? they're so fun??) is such an incredible joy for me. i love world building so, so much :') for me, the most important thing in writing love stories is my need to feel like- if i were the reader- i would be rooting for the characters to be in a relationship and that i would want them to work out. putting myself in that mindset made developing healthy relationships easier, especially between louis and harry <3

and i also love, love, love that question? it's not one i've ever been asked and this answer will be a little long, but i hope it helps! :')

i completely understand what you mean because i am also NOT always great in navigating personal, intimate relationships (i'm a capricorn, so by natURE my typical response is bottling everything up and then making myself sick as i overthink every little detail), but over the past few years, i've met new people and made friends who showed me how much beauty there is in just being honest and communicating my needs and my hurt. i like to try to be as honest as possible because it spares people guessing games. i am an overthinker and if someone i'm close to words something in a certain way, or if they say something with a bit of a colder tone, i can spiral very, very, VERY easily and worry that they're angry or that i upset them. but i tend to find that my mental health and my outlook on relationships (and friendships) is much better when i'm close with people who i can have difficult conversations with without it feeling like the relationship is going to end or suffer irreparable damage

that being said, relationships are also really really really hard and none of them are perfect because humans aren't perfect. in speaking directly about harry and elena (i am SO happy you mentioned them they are MY BABIES), i can imagine myself being that open with two of my sisters (i have four), because i trust them with my life and i know they trust me, too. but, even so, we weren't always at that point and all three of us had a lot of growing up to do before we got to that point. in the context of harry and elena, they are the only two children in the styles household and it's implied that they were really all each other had growing up, which definitely aids in their closeness (but they're also not always perfect either, and that's okay :) in the pre-DTL story, they did have a massive argument about harry's relationship with vince that resulted in harry not going home for the holidays and (though i haven't written out that argument yet, i can definitely say neither of them were LISTENING as well as they could have been). we can try our very best to be honest and to approach disagreements well, but we're all flawed and the people we love are flawed, so. i think with that vulnerability, we also need to learn a lot about forgiveness, toooo <3

so i think, in writing harry and louis in down the line as vulnerably as i did, it was me describing what i think a relationship at its very best looks like- it's one where you can be vulnerable and direct in your relationship, and you can also frame these conversations in a way that isn't an attack on either one, but rather a discussion that is like, "here is an issue we have and here is how it makes me feel, how can WE fix it?". i don't think that's easy, and louis and harry had to go through over 300k words of development (counting the drabbles!) to get to that point where they are that level of comfortable with each other <3 i also like to think about the scene in chapter eight of DTL, where harry gives louis the silent treatment after louis mentions maybe not returning to cleveland, and the way louis (calmly and without lashing out) makes them talk about it. they both discuss their points of view and it doesn't escalate and it's just a mature look into a really, really good relationship :) it's that point i hope to get to in all of my friendships and relationships, which is a work in progress (not to trauma dump on the main bUT i didn't grow up in a household where feelings were openly discussed or healthy conversations were facilitated after arguments, and now that i have people in my life who have showed me better approaches to vulnerability, i feel happier)

SO, LONG ANSWER SHORT I AM SO SORRY I AM RAMBLING, in my mind, louis and harry's relationship is the ideal and it takes a lot of work, trust, and comfortability to get there. it's definitely not easy, and i don't think i'm necessarily there in a majority of my relationships, but in the ones where i feel that level of comfort, i've found myself a lot happier <333 every relationship and friendship is different and develops differently, but i think we all deserve people in our lives we can be incredibly vulnerable with and know that they care about our point of view <3 in the meantime, we always need to be mindful of how we make others feel and how we can work to understand the people we love as well :-) relationships are always on-going and developing and i think a huge part of them is learning how to grow together :)

this is so long and i am so sorry sfjlslfjsf but i really do hope it helped and answered your question!!! if you ever want to talk more, my dm's are always open! (or if you'd prefer to remain anonymous, i will try my very best to nOT take ages to respond next time :D )

thank you so, so much and i hope you have a great day and are taking care of yourself :)

#asks #down the line #fanfic

2 notes · View notes

toomanyfandoms-help · 7 months

Text

some of the thoughts, feelings, and emotions ive been experiencing lately. merely needed a place to write this down and get it off my chest, so please feel free to scroll on

not fully sure exactly how to describe. depressive spiral? self-fulfilling prophecy? simply an unhinged, unhealthy person chattering away and scaring those close to them? something along those lines.

cant pinpoint where exactly it started either. i can give guesses, but its definitely something thats been building, rather than something that snapped.

im thinking somewhere in june. too good to be true, too much going right that i got suspicious. or maybe i was picking up on stuff i shouldve picked up on, did pick on earlier, and ignored.

it certainly started to crumble, starting with the trip. havent spoken to one of them since. its been 2 months. never really liked him though, and im quite assured in assuming the feeling's mutual.

then everyone got busy. and work got worse. and more busy. and even worse. hyperbolic, maybe a little. even still.

i dont push. i hate pushing. whenever i do even a little bit i hate myself for it. i take up other's offers gladly, but it gets further between. it feels less like friendship and more like im merely the person these people vent to every few weeks.

the one time (several times, i just stopped asking) i did ask, it got cancelled severely last minute with a half-assed apology. well, no. it was understandable. but still incredibly frustrating.

been spending more time with my family as a result. its familiar, in a tangy, bittersweet way that nostalgia is. we're closer than most, i know that, given the unique circumstances my and my sister grew up in. she knows me well.

everything took a turn when i quit though. on a whim (stressing all week and all day the day-of) setting my key down and leaving with head held high (shaking like a leaf and turning my music up too high on the drive home). combined with the stress of the previous day (shit going wrong with the house and my sister telling me she was probably minutes away from killing herself several years ago (something i already knew but somehow it hit harder (i can guess why))) it all just hurt

i also was with a friend. the day before i quit. kinda.

he helped me, sure. as in he helped with the house issue. but he didnt really talk to me. he tried to show me tiktoks on his phone (i spotted a groupchat with my friends without me in it (the old one with me hasnt been touched since june)) but they were all so. mindless.

we havent hung out since. he tried, twice. the first time i asked how many people he asked before me (its been a reoccurring problem, actually, where i am the last thought of) and he said i was the first. i didnt believe him. he tried again the next day, but i was actually looking forward to hanging out with my family so i declined.

he hasnt reached out since.

i sometimes think about how it makes me upset i cant be angry. im not really allowed to be. which is a weird thing to think about. what do i mean i cant be angry. but i think i mean it in a way like. my anger burns so deep and hot and fast, and its never good. its never for a good reason. being angry feels good, sometimes, but i cant revel in the feeling because i should not have been angry. i did things i regret.

i dunno. anger is a good emotion to have. i know that. it feels good, to feel your blood boiling just a bit and steam clouding your vision. its the one way i can really lose myself.

but its aimless. im usually angry at things i cant counteract or control or do literally anything against. it builds up. i cant release it. and when i do get angry at something i can do something about, well. it usually gets much more than deserved.

but how do you apologize for that. im not sorry for my anger, i was rightful to be angry. but my actions were maybe over the top. maybe i let out too much. maybe im not communicating at all. i dont know

how does one just. stop. not in a suicide way, but also not not in a suicide way.

i cant just go. not right now. my birthdays in 2 fucking days and i cant do that to my family. so maybe after. but we've got a vacation in 2 weeks and i dont want that to be canceled because its supposed to be the last family vacation we have.

but i cant last that long. im in limbo right now, and every single second is tearing at me and i just cant fucking feel anything anymore.

theres things i want to experience and be around for but the price of being a human being is just so fucking high that i cant fucking do it anymore. why do i exist on this miserable mortal coil and drag people down with me. why am i here

can it just stop, please

#personal #vent #suicide mention

0 notes

matchablossomwrites · 3 years

Note

Hi, I really like your writing!! Can I request Mikey and Izana (u can add more if u want to) react to them hitting their s/o during an argument and how would they apologize ? Angst with comfort, also gn!reader pls (im craving for angst and fluff rn :DD) U don’t need to if u don’t want to write it ofc :)) I respect ure decision ^^ thanks for ure time ❤️

Hey hey hey! Thank you so much for this request! I had a ton of fun writing it ^^ I hope it's up to par with your expectations. I'm so sorry it took this long. I've had an incredibly busy week with my new job and college, but I did my best! I hope you have a wonderful day/night.

Sano 'Mikey' Manjiro

"y/n I don't want to see you right now. Just leave before you regret staying here any longer" he warned "Leave" The air grew more and more icy with each word that came out of his mouth.

You just wanted to check up on him. He'd been so distant lately and this is how he thanks you? You were so worried. Anger boiled up inside of you as you stared at the man in front of you.

His expression was blank. He was going to snap soon. patience was wearing thin for both parties. He didn't exactly have a good day. Things went terribly wrong today and Baji Keisuke had died a few months prior and he was cycling through the stages of grief. The last thing he needed was for you to show up out of the blue like this and confront him now

But it's not like you knew this. You knew Baji had died and you were still easing through grief yourself. God you missed him, but you were coming to terms with the fact that there was no way to turn back time and save him. Mikey was still coping with this. They were best friends. of course this was something that would affect him way more than it would affect you.

"Huh? Are you really telling me this? Mikey I've been so worried about you and this is the thanks I get? I came here to check up on you and even took the day off to spend it with you. I could've been spending my time in so many other ways but I came to check up on you because I care about you!" you yelled you were angry to the point of yelling. Things were getting more and more tense.

Anger boiled inside of him. it was becoming unbearable. "And guess what? I don't care. I don't care that you took all this time off for me. Absolutely no one asked you to be a tragic hero and try to fix me. I don't need fixing. So, I'll say this one more time because apparently you don't know how to take a hint. Go. away." he hissed as his smile turned into a frown.

"Baji wouldn't have wanted you to push us away, you know. He would have-" you began.

However you weren't able to finish your sentence as you felt a stinging sensation on your cheek.

"Shut up! You don't know what he would've wanted! I don't know! You don't fucking know either! Ok?" he hissed as he narrowed his eyes at you. "You don't understand now and you'll never understand! So don't tell me that he wouldn't want me to act like this or whatever! Got it! Because you will never FUCKING know." he growled as he went to point at you.

Suddenly, he was brought back to reality by the sound of you whimpering as you covered your head, attempting to protect yourself. You were too afraid to say anything else to further upset him. You tried so hard not to cry, but with the stinging paired with fear tears cascaded down your face as you attempted to protect yourself from him. "Please don't hurt me.. I'm sorry" you apologized

"Oh god..." he trembled. "oh god, oh god, oh god. what have I done? y/n I'm so sorry." Mikey's eyes widened as he looked at your shaking form in front of him. He attempted to reach out and hold you, however his sudden movement scared you, causing you to flinch.

It was then that he realized the damage he'd done. Guilt hit him like a semi truck. "baby please don't cry. I'm so sorry I let this happen. I never meant to hurt you." he choked out, voice wavering. At that moment all of his emotions that he had been bottling up came pouring out like a waterfall. all the anger, despair, loneliness, and guilt finally made themselves known.

Seeing him break down in front of you made you realize how much he was truly hurting. "P-Please don't go. I'm so sorry." he whimpered. "I never meant for you to see me like that. I'm a monster god I'm so sorry." he apologized. The more you saw him break down the more you realized how bad he truly felt about this.

So, you resigned even though alarm bells were still softly blaring in your head and allowed yourself to be embraced by him. "Don't leave me... please" he whimpered. At this point you both were crying, though neither of you cared that your jackets were getting wet. you weren't sure what to say.

So, you decided not to say anything and let him calm down as you attempted to calm down yourself. Once you both calmed down, Mikey pulled away to look you in the eyes. "Please don't go... I can't lose you too" he begged as he held your face in his hands. He was trembling, absolutely terrified of what he'd done to you. You were his lifeline. He needed you. "I've got you. I promise I'm not going anywhere. I care about you, Mikey, and it hurts to see you like this." you sighed as you gazed at him with a soft expression.

It was then Mikey broke down again. though not for the same reason. It was because he was so grateful he had someone like you by his side. Someone so forgiving and compassionate. "I love you" he whimpered. "Thank you"

"I love you too"

Izana Kurokawa

Things weren't always like this. You were sure of it. But lately your nights were filled with screaming and harsh words. Despite this it was never anything too bad. Either he'd apologize with a bouquet of red tulips, white orchids, and purple hyacinths or a teddy bear and chocolates

But this... this was too far.

You don't really remember how it happened if you were honest. One moment you were having a peaceful conversation. However the moment you brought up Mikey since you'd recently met him at your school.

That's when the mood got sour. He'd said a few things and you retorted with your own set of phrases. Soon the fight grew personal. things were going too far. Both of you were saying things you really didn't mean, but since you both were in the heat of the moment there was no longer a filter stopping you from saying those harsh words and phrases.

Things peaked when he harshly shoved you against the wall in a fit of rage. You were terrified of him, but you didn't dare let him know that. you tried to shove him away but he slapped you. That's when you have had enough. You packed your things, not saying a word to him. Then, when he was asleep you quietly made your escape.

When he woke up however he was shocked and scared. He looked around the shared apartment. there were no signs of you anywhere. His chest rose and fell rapidly as he tried to figure out his next steps, but his thoughts were preventing him from doing so.

Has he finally done it? Had he finally driven you away to the point of never wanting to see him again? He understood if you did. He knows that what he did wasn't right, but he still wanted to make one final attempt at reconciliation and if it failed, all he could do was accept that.

But where have you gone? He had no absolute clue, however he knew you were good friends with Kakucho, so he dialed up his best friend, praying to whatever cruel god was out there that you were at least still alive and safe.

After a few rings Kakucho picked up. In a panicked state he began explaining what he had done, though Kakucho stopped him. "they don't want to see you right now. Leave them alone." he replied, clearly feeling bad for the other party. "Are they with you?" he asked. "No" he replied. "Are you lying to me?" Izana asked. "no." he sighed. "Where do you think they would go if they had no where else to go, Izana?" Kakucho asked.

Their parents. The answer was glaringly obvious but he was so panicked it didn't even cross his mind. "But, Izana now is not the time. Please. Give it a few days. Imagine how they feel." Kakucho replied. "fine..." he sighed.

The next few days Izana spent thinking of what to say and how to apologize. The more he thought over that night, the more he realized he fucked up. As he sat at a table at a cafe that had been your first date with him, he saw you crossing the road, talking with Kokonoi and Inui who also happened to be your friends.

However the more he looked the more he realized that even though you were smiling it wasn't reaching your eyes. It then dawned how much he had truly hurt you. He then raced towards you, not caring if others were watching.

He didn't give a fuck about how crazy he looked in that moment as he sprinted towards you because he knew that if he prolonged this any longer it would only hurt you even more. "y/N!" he yelled, causing you to jolt, effectively capturing your attention as well as Inui and Kokonoi's as well.

"The hell do you want?" Kokonoi hissed as he protectively put his arm in front of you. "Can't you see they don't want to see you! You slapped them and hurt them and you have the AUDACITY to come out here and follow us!?" "Koko... it's ok. Thank you for caring about my safety" you smiled softly at the taller man while Inui glared at Izana. "Fuck this up and I promise you, you won't be allowed to be even within a continent of them" Inui growled before they walked away, allowing the two fo you your privacy.

The two of you then decided to talk it over at the cafe he'd been sitting at. As the two of you sat down, it was then you finally got a good look at him. There were bags under his eyes, his hair was disheveled, and he was distraught.

"y/n I'm so sorry. You deserve so much better... It wasn't your fault to begin with. This whole mess was my fault and... and it wasn't your fault. It was never your fault. I was out of line. God you must hate me... you can't even look at me in the eyes." he mumbled as he let out a sad chuckle.

He felt his chances growing smaller and smaller with each passing minute. He was sure this was the end. The more he thought about it, the more he should've seen this coming. He was so harsh to you, spewing insult after insult at you, yet you always came back to him every time.

The silence was suffocating him. 'Just end it already' he thought to himself as he gazed up at you. 'I can't take it anymore. It hurts.' "Izana '' You spoke up finally, causing him to jolt as he slowly looked up at you. "I think I finally understand you… you’re scared.” you looked down at your lap. Just where were you going with this? He didn’t know. “You’re scared of being happy because the last time you were happy everything came crashing down like a castle of sand… That’s gotta be the reason you keep hurting me right? That’s what I keep telling myself anyway. But every single time this happens the harder it is for me to trust you. To trust that you even care about me anymore. You always tell me you love me, Izana, but I don’t know if I believe it anymore” you sighed as you began tearing up.

The more you spoke the more he realized how badly he fucked up. “I thought this was real, was this real? Or were you just using me just like everyone else? Were you using me to get happy? It’s getting difficult and I’m not sure how long I can keep doing this… especially after you won’t even allow me to meet new people” you muttered. “y/n… I’m so sorry” he sighed, running his hand through his hair. “I never realized you felt this way… god you should’ve told me” “You never cared enough to ask” you muttered.

Izana then got up from his seat across from you before he took you in his arms. He knew the damage he’d done was irreparable, but at least he could try to make it up to you in other ways. “I’m so sorry I made you think I never loved you. God I never meant for that to happen. You’re my home, y/n. I should’ve been more open… I shouldn’t have let my fears take over, I’m sorry. And I know ‘sorry’ isn’t what you want to hear from me right now, but I promise I still love you and I promise I’ll never let this happen again” he choked as he shook his head, truly feeling bad for what he’d done to you. “Izana… please can’t we just go back to how things were when we first fell in love?” you whispered. “I’m sorry… I don’t think that’s possible, but I promise I’ll give you the best possible future.. Just don’t leave. Please” he begged, his voice growing softer towards the end of his sentence.

“Ok… Just know that I’m going to make sure you keep your promise” you smiled, the same smile he’d fallen for when he was child. “I will. Thank you” he smiled.

“You idiot… you broke our promise” you sobbed as you knelt at his grave, holding a bouquet of red tulips and stargazer lilies close to your chest.

A/n: Thank you for your support

698 notes · View notes

winter-soldier-vibes · 3 years

Note

Can I request HSP + depression reader (who thinks they are just weak and being crybaby) x Bucky, please? I understand you are super busy right now and I didn’t mean to rush you or anything but I'm just struggling with both HSP and depression and couldn’t help but send it right now. No need to hurry, just when you are free and maybe when you had nothing to write. Thank you and I love you!

Thank you for the request, I’m sorry it’s been a difficult time for you! I’m here if you need me and I hope that this helps!!!

It’s called empathy

Bucky x reader

Word count: 1981

Warnings: depression, HSP (highly sensitive person), low self worth, negative self talk, swearing (that’s normal for me but this one’s a little extra), angst (more so internal idk if that needs a warning), fluff/comfort

Taglist: @buckys2thicc @babydaddy-buckybarnes @barnesplums @peggycarter-steverogers @mardema @abitgryffindorky @buckys-blue-eyes @strawberrimae @thatfangirl42 @freigeistundanderes @bucks-bunny @broadwaybabe18 @im-sick-of-failing

Taglist Masterlist

--------------

Breathe in

Breathe out

Out

...in…

You felt a tear escape your eyes

Goddamn it

You didn’t want to cry, you couldn’t let yourself. It was stupid, it was just some shitty remark from someone when they were in a shitty mood, it wasn’t your fault, all that bullshit you tried to tell yourself. It never worked.

You were trying to control your breathing, looking up at the ceiling trying to will the tears away, biting your lip. You would not cry, not over this. Not over something that wasn’t worth your tears

Not when you didn’t even know what exactly you were crying over.

Yet here you were, gripping the edge of the bathroom sink with white knuckles, looking up at the ceiling trying to keep the tears at bay. And it wasn’t working.

Weak sensitive piece of shit.

What good were you to the team if you cry in the bathroom like a baby every time something remotely stressful happens? People usually cry when they're in pain or when they’re grieving - the only excuse you had was you were stressed or sad.

You felt another few tears escape and you angrily swiped them away, cursing yourself for being so weak.

You hated this, you hated yourself. You were so numb most of the time, especially when you were alone. You found yourself alone in your room with racing thoughts feeling like you were falling apart. Yet when you were alone you could only stare at the ceiling wondering if it would get any worse.

The answer was usually yes.

Whenever you would go on missions with the team, you were able to push aside your stress. You had a job to do and you would do it. But when the mission was over and you were walking back through the rubble - seeing all the blood, destruction, fear - then it would start to get to you. You would panic, you would feel tears cloud your vision. Tears for those you were leaving behind, and those who had nowhere to go, those who lost someone. That was understandable.

It seemed to affect you more than the others though. It was understandable to be moved by so much destruction. But for you everyone felt like someone you had known and loved.

You could feel the grief in those left behind, feel the sadness and pain that they were going through.

The same was true when you weren’t on missions. When those who were on them would come back. Whether they were injured or their eyes were saddened - you knew when a mission was rough. You would listen, you would be there for people. It was easy to talk to you, and you were very wise.

But it still overwhelmed you. You couldn’t say no, you didn’t want to. You wanted to help but it would be so emotionally taxing for you. So behind closed doors, you would break. Be there for others, listen when they need to talk, others come first - you took their emotional pain onto yourself.

You were grateful that you could help - but in the process it was hurting you.

You allowed yourself to feel sad when you were alone in your room. No one could see you be weak in the dark of your room. But you never cried much just from the pure exhaustion of your thoughts. Sometimes you wanted to, just feeling so incredibly empty that you just wanted to have an ugly crying session curled up in bed.

But you didn’t get to make that choice.

The crying wouldn’t come until the absolute worst times. If you had messed up on a mission, if Tony said something a little too harshly because to him everything was a joke, seeing something gruesome on a mission- whenever it came to someone else getting involved, the tears would come. Hell sometimes even being overwhelmed in public would be enough to start the waterworks.

You always felt so fucking weak for it. The slightest environmental stressor could stress you out too much and move you to tears. You had no reason to be upset most of the time. But you would get angry at yourself for being upset, which would make you more upset that you couldn’t control it, making it harder to control.

It was a vicious cycle.

Lately it had been popping up more and more recently. Smaller things were upsetting you more than usual. You were becoming more sensitive to external stimuli and as a result, you spent as much time as you could in your room. You were embarrassed by yourself. Both by your emotions and by your inability to control them.

This time you were just upset that you were upset. It had been a long night the day prior, just a lot of paperwork to do. There had been a mission earlier this week that you hadn’t been assigned to, but it had been brutal for everyone who had gone. So far today had been a normal day by anyone’s terms, an emotionally exhausting one for you. One of those where you woke up tired and the thoughts of another day were enough to draw you to tears. Nothing had even happened, but apparently nothing needed to happen.

Your emotions came and went without your consent.

You knew deep down it was probably some sort of emotional build up - that whole quote about bottling things up until they got to be too much - it happened every time but you still thought you could handle yourself better than that. You didn’t want to vent or be a problem to anyone. But when you are the emotional support for most of the team and you haven’t been able to get enough sleep or take time for yourself - you didn’t have much of a say as to when the bottle overflows.

A few more tears fell and you slammed your hand on the counter, wiping your tears angrily once more. “God fucking damn it why can’t you just stop fucking crying!” you exclaimed, feeling a few more tears falling “Weak piece of shit!”

There was knocking on the door, pulling you out of your self deprecating thoughts. You gasped lightly, wiping your face again.

Knock knock

You jumped a little, gasping slightly. No one was supposed to be here, it was the middle of the night.

“Y/n? What’s going on in there? Are you alright?”

You took a shaky breath. Of course it would be Bucky who heard you. Why would it be anyone else?

“I’m fine Bucky, it’s late, you should go to sleep.”

“Then why are you still awake?” Bucky responded. You heard him sigh a little outside the door. “Come out here and tell me you’re okay.”

“Really Bucky?”

“Unless you want me to come in there, but I don’t think Stark would appreciate me breaking your door.”

You took a small breath and walked over to the door, opening it. You crossed your arms and met Bucky’s concerned eyes. “I’m fine, Bucky.”

Bucky sighed, taking in your appearance. Red eyes, flushed face, your hair was messy - you were definitely crying. He hated when you wouldn’t admit that you weren’t ok. “You know you don’t have to be, right?”

You clenched your jaw, trying to keep fresh tears from clouding your vision. “What?”

“You say you’re fine, you always say that you’re fine until you break. I heard you crying, I can see that you’re not feeling okay yet still you try to keep a brave face. And I just want you to know that you don’t have to always be okay.”

You let out a breath. “I - i…” you looked down and shook your head, lost for words.

“Y/n, I’m not here to judge you. Can you try to tell me what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know,” you said looking up at him “It’s literally so stupid, Bucky.”

“Y/n, nothing you say right now is going to sound stupid.

You shrugged your shoulders, still not quite meeting his eyes. “I don’t know, I just get so worked up sometimes, but it’s stupid. I tell myself I’m not going to be bothered and then I freak out again. The smallest things bother me and I get stressed out and then I cry like some stupid weak bitch. People have it worse than me, God, you have it worse than me. Everyone here has some sort of traumatic awful thing happen to them and then there’s me and I get sad because I see other people sad,” you were crying again and you wiped at your face, covering your eyes. “God Im so fucking stupid I -”

Bucky pulled you into his chest as you let out a sob. “You’re not stupid, y/n.”

“YES I AM. I get worked up over the smallest shit, I don’t listen when people tell me to take breaks, I take everything too personally and I can’t stop fucking crying when I don’t even know what the fuck is wrong!” you exclaimed, trying to push yourself away, ashamed.

Bucky held you tightly, not letting you go. “That’s not your fault. It’s not up to you how your feelings show up.”

“But I cry at the most stupid shit and I can’t control it.”

“You’re not supposed to know how to control it,” he said, pulling back to look at you. “Emotions can’t be controlled. They just happen and it’s rarely convenient.”

“Then why do I feel so weak? If this,” you gestured to yourself “is so goddamn normal then why isn’t everyone else breaking down every other day?”

Bucky brushed some hair out of your face. “Your emotions are yours, no one else’s. No one has the right to tell you how to feel. Think of it this way - you can’t expect everyone to have the same amount of strength or stamina - no one has the same emotional response either. And that doesn’t make you weak, it makes you you.”

You shook your head. “I just feel so weak all the time.”

“And I’m here to remind you that crying isn’t weak. You are not a weak person, you are not a bad person, you’re not any of those things your mind tells you. You’re a kind and thoughtful person. You put your heart into everything you do. You help everyone you can. Mourning someone else’s loss isn’t weakness. It’s called empathy.”

You took a small breath. “Then why does it hurt so goddamn much?”

“”I don’t know. And I can’t say for certain that you won’t always feel that way. But I know I can tell you that you aren’t weak, and I’ll be here every time you feel that you are.”

You nodded your head slightly. “You don’t think I’m weak?” you asked quietly.

He pulled you back into a hug. “Not in the slightest, y/n.”

282 notes · View notes

thetwelfthcrow · 2 years

Note

Wait are you one of those that believes people should get over over what happened in abu dhabi? /gen

see this is the issue with almost everyone. when you say, “there’s no need to keep spreading toxic messages” people hear “get over it”. theres more options than spreading hate or getting ‘over it’.

theres also choosing better places to vent, for one.

continuously spreading the same hateful messages publicly with a small group of people who agrees with you is nothing but detrimental for your own mental health. and only preaching to the one group that always agrees with you doesn’t make your thoughts right, but it makes you think it is. which is detrimental for your own personal development.

if abu dhabi was really… i don’t know what words i’ve seen but one of them is traumatising. if abu dhabi was traumatising for you, then maybe you should reassess what impact this sport has on you. im not saying you should ‘get over it’ (i can’t decide how impactful the sport or this race is to you) but i’m worried for you if your every day is spent thinking about what happened in abu dhabi and rage posting about it.

as the previous anon in @/georgerussell’s inbox said: you are justifiably angry, but you’re letting this anger take control of you and your entertainment of this sport which gets out of control.

it’s just a sport. and this action may have been incredibly messy, or wrong, or breaking the rules of the sport itself, i know for a fact at least 80% of those who tweet about it* being wrong do not work within F1 so it’s nothing more than a hobby. take care of yourself and let it be a hobby, not a hugely time consuming place for you to write essays about sporting regulations where you have little to no impact on the outcome.

it’s just a sport. take care of yourself and let it be just a sport. a hobby. some cars vroom vroom’ing in circles.

and if you’re super upset about something, share that in your dm’s or discord chats or whatever. continuously rage posting about these things is not a good look.

i’m just worried for y’all, really.

*it being abu dhabi, silverstone, monza, but also literally any other wrongdoing within the history of f1 regardless of which driver you support or what your opinion is.

#im ashamed to be part of teamLH some days solely bc the fandom is so toxic #i wish to be proud as a lewis fan but i’m not #which is not lewis’ fault - but that of some fans #and i get sad seeing that :/#zhalia’s lil chit chat #anon #hope this clears things up #dont go cherrypicking this message to hate on me pls look at me as ur sweet aunt #i really care ab y’all n hope you’re well <3

51 notes · View notes

wizardimagines · 4 years

Text

jealousy, part 2, draco x reader

pairing: draco malfoy x reader word count: 1,6k summary: you and ron becomes closer as you help him study, draco doesn’t take this new relationship well. a/n: here you guys go !! part 2 of jealously,, i’m in shock as to how many of u liked part one !! i’ve gotten such amazing feedback and it makes me super happy so thank u so so much <3 i’m gonna be completely honest tho and let u guys know im really unhappy with this one , i feel like it could be a lot better and i might actually rewrite it at some point . but hopefully it’s somewhat ok, enjoy !! <3 READ PART 1 HERE

warnings: TW !!! mentions psychical abuse

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

The following week was exhausting. You hadn’t seen Draco for a couple of days, doing everything you could to actively avoid him. The truth was you were scared. You were terrified, to say the very least. You had no clue what to say to him at this point, afraid that you were just going to make him even more upset than he already was. You didn’t even know if you two were a couple anymore, and the thought of it made your heart shatter into a million pieces.

You also distanced yourself from Ron. You knew the whole situation happened because of your friendship with Ron, and the only solution you could come up with was simply to stop being friends with Ron. He had approached you multiple times, asking you if you were free and wanted to go study, but you had declined each offer. You felt absolutely terrible, you truly did like Ron and you enjoyed spending time with him. But you knew your relationship with Draco was more important than any friend you had and at this point, you’d give up everything to fix your relationship.

It felt so hopeless. You skipped every class you had with the blond boy, you didn’t even dare look his way whenever you walked into the great hall to eat breakfast, petrified of your eyes meeting his icy ones. Today was no different. Everyone was in class, everyone but you. You knew you would have to face Draco sooner or later, today was just not the day. You were sitting in the library, trying your best to distract yourself by reading a book. However, it wasn’t going too well. You couldn’t focus on any of the words and your thoughts kept wandering off, thinking about other things. Suddenly, a warm hand was placed on your shoulder, making you snap out fo your thoughts. ‘’Why aren’t you in class, Y/N?’’ A similar voice said behind you, making you turn around so you could see who the person was. In front of you stood Ron. ‘’Ron,’’ You let out, feeling somewhat relieved it was only Ron. You shut the book close as the red-haired boy sat down in the chair next to you. ‘’You scared me.’’ You chuckled lightly, looking down at your lap where your hands were resting. ‘’Sorry about that,’’ Ron answered. ‘’But why aren’t you in class?’’ He repeated himself.

You didn’t know what to tell him. You knew it wasn’t a secret that you were avoiding Draco, but you still couldn’t bring yourself to admit it. ‘’I just,’’ You started, biting your bottom lip nervously. You were still staring at your hands, nervously playing with them. You just couldn’t bring yourself to look at the boy in front of you. ‘’I have to go.’’ You blurted out, quickly standing up. ‘’Y/N! Wait,’’ Ron let out behind you, standing up as well. ‘’What’s going on with you?’’ Worry lingered in his voice, and you couldn’t blame him.

You felt your bottom lip starting to tremble. That was when you noticed the tears that were welling up in your eyes, making you shut them close to prevent the tears from hitting your cheeks. ‘’Whatever it is that’s going on, I’m here for you, you know?’’ He said, placing his hand on your shoulder once again. You took a deep, shaky breath as you turned around and fell straight into his arms. You could tell he was surprised, but quickly wrapped his arms around you. You let the tears fall silently down your cheeks. ‘’Hey, it’s okay,’’ He mumbled as he stroke your back using one of his hands, the other one holding the back of your head. ‘’I think Draco broke up with me,’’ You quietly whispered into his shoulder, tears still falling from your eyes. ‘’Bloody hell Malfoy,’’ Ron muttered under his breath, pulling you closer to him.

At this point, you didn’t even care about the whole ignoring Ron thing you had planned to keep until you fixed things with Draco. The feeling of someone holding you and being there to comfort you finally made you feel a little bit better. Ron’s warm hands were nothing compared to Draco’s cold, lanky hands but it didn’t matter at this point. ‘’I’ll walk you to your dorm,’’ He mumbled as he pulled away from the hug, spotting your tear-filled face. He slowly wiped the tears away using his thumbs, making you nod. ‘’You can start walking, okay? I just need to go get my things and then I’ll catch up with you.’’ He said, giving you a small smile. You nodded once again, giving him half a smile.

The halls were empty. You weren’t complaining though, you didn’t want anyone to see you like this; like a crying mess. You slowly walked down the hall, taking your time as you looked out each window you passed. The weather had somewhat cleared up, dark clouds still covering the sky. ‘’Y/N?’’ A voice suddenly called out, making you turn your head to the side. And there he was. His eyes were dark, not the usual bright blue color they always used to be. As soon as your eyes met his, your heart dropped. You felt your throat tighten up as you felt completely paralyzed. You felt your eyes widen as you suddenly realized that you had to get away, quickly. You turned around, quickly making your way down the hall without saying a word to the blond boy. ‘’No, wait!’’ He shouted behind you, grabbing your wrist.

Your wrist. The same wrist he had grabbed that night. The same wrist that now had a bright red mark from his tight grip. You felt the pain shot up your arm, making your eyes well up with tears once again as you cried out in pain. You quickly snatched your wrist away, holding it with your other arm as you bit your lower lip in pain. Draco looked at you in confusion before looking down at your arm, spotting the red mark. He felt the guiltiness and pain hit him all at once. His heart dropped as he realized it was him that had left that mark. ‘’Y/N,’’ He whispered, his facial expression softening. You quickly looked up at him, tears falling from your eyes as you took a shaky breath. He slowly reached out to you, making you jump.

He froze. ‘’I’m not going to hurt you,’’ He let out, pain and shame lingering in his voice as his eyes teared up. ‘’Please don’t be scared of me, I would never hurt you,’’ He continued, shaking his head as a tear hit his cheek. Draco had never felt such pain. He had felt pain multiple times during his lifetime, but nothing could compare to the pain he was currently feeling. You just stood there, staring at the boy in front of you. You didn’t know what to say or do, so you just let the tears fall down your cheeks. ‘’I’m so sorry, please let me hold you,’’ He mumbled as he tried his best to hold back the rest of the tears, slowly walking towards you. You watched as he got closer to you, terrified of what could happen next. But Draco slowly put his arms around your waist, burying his head between your neck and shoulder. You felt a sob escape his lips.

‘’I’m so sorry,’’ He kept repeating it over and over again between sobs. You slowly wrapped your arms around his neck, you had never seen him in this state before. ‘’I don’t know what happened. I was just so angry,’’ He sobbed. ‘’But why?’’ You whispered back. ‘’Because I really thought I was losing you,’’ Draco responded. You slowly pulled away, Draco looking at you in fear as you did so. ‘’Please don’t go,’’ He whimpered, his bottom lip trembling. You grabbed his hands as you shook your head. ‘’I’m not leaving, Draco.’’ The boy in front of you closed his eyes as he grabbed onto your hands harder, like he was scared you were going to leave anyway. ‘’I’m so sorry for saying all those things,’’ He cried, pulling you back into a tight hug.

This time he placed his head on top of yours, placing one hand behind your head and the other one on your back. ‘’And I’m so incredibly sorry for hurting you like that,’’ He whispered. You pulled yourself closer to him, placing your head on his chest. You could hear his heart racing, as well as his shaky breath. ‘’I will never lay a finger on you again, I promise,’’ He continued, making you sigh. ‘’Please just hold me Draco.’’ You whispered, causing the taller boy to pull you closer to him immediately. You closed your eyes as a tear escaped from your eye, Draco pressing multiple kisses on top of your head.

You knew it would take a while to forgive Draco, but it didn’t matter. You were willing to do anything for him, just like he was willing to do anything for you. ───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ───

TAGLIST: @justmesadgirl @thefandomplace @kodydoescrap @slytherinsunrise @xdracosmalfoyx @imjustboredso @lexi-ravenclawdracomalfoy @retrouvailessx @night-girls-world @andressavp @inurealiyah @lilgoddesshines @iamaspicytriangle

1K notes · View notes

dontlikemelons · 3 years

Text

influence II reader x dream

(please only consume this content if you are 18+, this fic contains sexual themes that may not be the most appropriate for younger audiences. thank you!)

it’s my first post! im still very much testing out the waters with my writing style, so i am totally open to any (constructive) criticisms you guys have (ex. nicknames you’d like me to use, certain things you’d like me to write about,etc.) i hope you enjoy!

- mel (a.k.a. melons 🍉)

Clay has been on a call, talking with George and Nick for a while since you got home. Usually, you’re understanding about the hours that go into the behind-the-scenes of his channels -- even encouraging him to work when he’d rather spend the days cuddled in the Florida apartment you share. This time, however, you’re not having a good day. After countless incidents with stubborn customers and a run in with some family you’d distanced yourself from, all you could think about was getting home to Clay and Patches. When you got home though, he seemed too preoccupied to even say “hi”. You hopped in the shower, hoping that he’d be a bit more attentive by the time you were done. After finishing your shower and changing into comfier clothes, you go to ask him if he’s nearly done. Surprisingly, you’re only met with a cold “no” and nothing else. You leave and go to the bedroom, annoyed with his sudden coldness towards you.

Clay notices your stiffness in response to him. “Shit- one sec guys, sorry. I think y/n’s mad at me. I, uh, I think I should log off for the night anyway, we’ll finish this tomorrow. George, make sure the coding for the video is all set please. I’ll talk to you guys later.” He quickly moves from his chair to the closed bedroom door. Concerned, he tries to apologize. “y/n? I’m sorry I didn’t mean to be so harsh. We’ve just been working on the code for this video all day and-”

You stand about a foot away from the mirror, arms crossed, facing away from him. Noticing your bothered demeanor, he starts to walk towards you. His footsteps were firm and purposeful, but soft. He knew that heavy footsteps made you nervous and he didn’t want to make you even more upset than you already seemed.

“y/n? Little flower...” he says in a somewhat soft and teasing tone -- he knew you had a weak spot for that nickname. You feel your hair stand on edge as he approaches you from behind, his brooding figure towering over you in the mirror you now share. You try to keep looking down, but can’t help but shoot him a glance in the reflection. This glance shows the both of you that there’s more than just anger on your mind.

“Oh, c’mon now, look at me. You know how I love those gorgeous eyes of yours.” His arm snakes around your waist, grips your left hip and spins you to face him. As he steps closer, you step further, determined to maintain your authority. Soon enough, your upper back meets the cool mirror you were just staring into. He reaches out with his pointer finger, tilting your chin upwards to meet his gaze. “Chin up for me, baby.”

For a moment, you forget that you’re supposed to be angry with him. You drown in his glare, swimming in his olive green eyes and taking in the universe that seemed to exist behind them. “There’s my baby, just look into my eyes,” he says, noticing the sudden softness in you. “See the love I have for you, I know you can feel it.” You snap out of it, but as you try to look away, his hand moves to the back of your head to keep you where you are. He thinks for a moment before speaking, his thumb narrowly brushing your cheekbone and the area under your left eye. You love when he makes his thinking face, when you can see the gears in his beautiful mind turning. Even more, the anticipation of what he’s going to say next.

He moves his right hand from the nape of your neck to match the other, which is firmly planted on the wall on the other side of your head. “You try to act like this stubborn little thing, like you’re looking for a reaction. I know you’re not bitter like this, and when you are it probably means you’ve had a bad day. Even so, this whole act you’ve got going is a bit more exaggerated than it usually is.” Shit. You really were frustrated, and you know your feelings were valid. But at the same time, you know that your stress can sometimes require more...sensual coping mechanisms.

“Your stress tends to make you a little more bratty from what I’ve seen. All this while I know that the only thing I have to do is whisper a couple special words into your ear and slowly...run my fingers...down your body…” He trails off in thought, tracing your body in a way that sends goosebumps spiraling everywhere. He starts to lower his voice to a tone that he knows is another weakness of yours, and continues his sentence. “...And you’ll be melting at my touch. Isn’t that right baby? Show me how you melt for me, you know how I love it.” As your eyes flutter closed, you can feel your knees go weak and your head spin at his words. He lowers himself to be at eye level with your waist, running his hands down the back of your thighs.

“You...You know exactly what you're doing don’t you? I-I’m supposed to be mad at you here. You’re being incredibly i-inconsiderate right now-” you struggle to exclaim, losing the sharpness you intended to add with those words.

He whispers, “Oh am I?” Noticing the faltering in your knees, he tightens his grip. As he slowly moves his hands back up towards your back, your legs give out. When you fall to your knees, he stands and looks down at you with an air of satisfaction in what he’s accomplished.

“Look at you. My little mess, not even able to stand after my hands make contact with your skin. When I asked you to show me how you melt for me, I didn’t think you would actually end up on the ground but...I do like looking at you from this angle.” You feel yourself getting wet and look up at him, face red from embarrassment. He can tell by the look on your face (and the small squeal that you happened to let out as you fell) that you’re unsure of what to do. He kneels back down beside you, placing his hand by your crotch, where you knew he’d feel the heat and dampness radiating from your core.

“My goodness, already a whimpering mess for me,” he says, tucking a bit of hair that fell into your face behind your ear with his free hand. Seeing your fluttering eyes, he slowly and teasingly inches his fingers closer to your clit, noticing the wet patch on your underwear. “Oh, what’s this? A puddle forming already? Poor little flower, do you want me to help with that?” You nod, prompting him to pick you up bridal-style and carry you to the bed.

“T-thank you,” you mutter quietly.

“Of course, baby, anything for you,” he whispers. “You know how much I love you. Now, relax and breathe steady for me. I’ll be expecting more from where all that came from…”

#dreamwastaken #reader x dream #fanfiction #self insert #l-bomb #smut #dreamsmp #mcyt #firstpost #relationship #sexualcontent #teasing

291 notes · View notes

shoutaaizawas · 4 years

Note

Hey! Congrats on the anniversary! Can we get a Todoroki ceo!au with the prompt "What gives you the right" please?

thank you so much!! thanks for the request 💖

↳ shoto todoroki x reader → just business

event: au prompts summary: you have been todoroki’s secretary for years. when you try to move on from your feelings for him he doesn’t like it. word count: 2,039 tags/warnings: ceo!todoroki, light angst, fluff, happy ending a/n: rewrote this like twice but im happy with how it turned out

You were Todoroki Shoto’s secretary and had been for a few years now. He was the CEO of Todoroki Enterprise so working for him was no small feat. It was an important job. The longer you two had worked together the easier your job was, you understood Todoroki and he understood you.

Many times throughout the day he would ask you for something and before he could finish his sentence you’d be handing him a file. You were perfectly in sync.

It wasn’t just professionally that you got along but you really liked Todoroki as a person. Working so closely with him for all this time you got to see more of him than most.

Sure he was handsome and rich, that’s what the world saw. But knowing him first hand you knew he wasn’t a playboy like most assumed and he wasn’t exactly the most charming person. You didn’t mean that in a bad way but he just wasn’t a flirtatious person like most thought. He was very blunt and accidentally hilarious.

He could be incredibly oblivious despite his intelligence. You couldn’t count how many times you had seen women flirt with him and it went right over his head.

He was kind and caring even if he didn’t show it off.

What most people knew nothing of was what he and his family endured in their youth. Shoto’s childhood was very troubling and a lot of what happened in it stuck with him whether he realized it.

Shoto was an amazing person and it was hard for you to not fall in love with him. Even harder was keeping your feelings hidden. There was no way he could ever feel the same about you so you decided for your own sake you needed to move on.

Normally you worked a lot of overtime, you didn’t mind it. If Shoto had to stay late you had no problem staying with him and helping him so he could try and get home at a decent hour. It wasn’t like you had much to do anyway and you loved being around him. In a way the late nights were a good thing, ordering takeout and sitting in his office with him helping him with whatever task he was working on.

But tonight you had a date, it took you a lot of courage to finally try and set one up.

“Todoroki,” You said entering into his office. “I’ll be heading home at five today, I can’t work overtime.”

“Oh, okay.” He said looking up at you. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I just have a date.” You told him. You didn’t like saying it out loud.

“Oh.” He said, his tone was odd. “Actually I need you to stay and help me with a project.”

“Wait, what?” You said. “You literally just said okay but now you’re telling me I can’t.”

“Well no I’m saying no, and if you want to leave early this will be your last day working here.” He said.

“What?” Your voice almost broke. Shoto Todoroki was you boss, yes but you considered him your closest friend and he always treated you as such. He had never talked about firing you not even as a joke. Your heart dropped and you felt sick. You had no idea where this was coming from.

“You can work late or not work here at all.” He repeated.

“What gives you the right?” You said, tears welling up in your eyes. You hated how unprofessional you felt right now but he was being unfair out of nowhere. “I have come into work early every day, stayed late whenever you asked and even when you didn’t. I have worked holidays and weekends at the drop of a hat and the one time I ask to leave on time you tell me no or you’re going to fire me?”

It seemed Shoto realized the damage his words had done, his expression softening as a tear slid down you cheek. Before he could speak you were out the door.

If Todoroki decided that your years of loyal work meant nothing than maybe it was time to find a new job.

You left, going home, tears running down your face as you did.

It was bad enough how in love you were with Shoto but when you try to move on he tries to stop you. How cruel was he?

You did everything you could to cheer yourself up as you got ready for your date. Listening to your favorite upbeat songs as you put on your makeup and picked out your favorite dress.

You were supposed to meet your date at a restaurant so you found yourself at a table awaiting him. You were early, it was a habit of yours to always be early to things. As the time went on it was now seven o’ clock and there was no sign of your date.

Being late wasn’t an attractive trait but it was fine, it wasn’t like you had to marry this guy. You were just trying to branch out to get your mind off of one person in particular.

Then you found yourself waiting for five minutes, then ten, then twenty, with no texts from said date. If that wasn’t bad enough the looks that the waiters and other customers were giving you was the cherry on top.

You day had already been terrible and it seemed it was only getting worse.

Taking a deep breath trying to hold in the tears you stood up and left, thankfully you hadn’t ordered anything. The walk home was perhaps the most pathetic moment of your life, tears streaming down your face you wondered if your day could get any worse. Then it started pouring.

By the time you reached your apartment building you were freezing, cursing the fact you didn’t bring a sweater to cover you dress that didn’t give you any warmth.

It seemed things could get worse you thought as you saw Shoto standing in front of your apartment door. You considered turning around and leaving but he spotted you before he could.

“There you are.” He said. “You’re soaked, what happened.” His eyebrows pulled together in concern.

“What does it look like!” You didn’t mean to yell but your day had been awful and you couldn’t hold it together anymore. “I got stood up in a restaurant full of people then it started raining while I walked home all after I got fired by my best friend!”

Shoto looked at you with a sad expression.

“I don’t want your pity, go home.” You said pushing past him before putting your key in the door.

“Wait, please don’t go.” He said as you attempted to shut the door on him after you entered. “Please, let me try to explain.”

You stared at him, you were so upset it sound like a great idea to slam the door on his face but the way he looked at you with those puppy eyes you couldn’t manage it.

“You get a minute.” You said opening the door for him to enter.

“Okay.” He said following you in. You stood there staring at him.

“Hurry up.” You said as he stared at you, taking in your appearance.

“I acted unprofessionally today, but not only that I was a bad friend to you. Your not just an employee to me, you’re my best friend and it was wrong of me on many levels to act the way that I did. I didn’t mean what I said and it was wrong of me to say it. You’re not fired, I could never fire you. I don’t deserve all the work that you put in not only for me but for the company and you’re an irreplaceable employee and friend and I’ll do anything to keep you at my company.” His words came out steady but in a sincere tone. You wondered how many times he rehearsed his words before you got home.

“I’ll come back but only if you answer one question.” You said.

“Anything.” He said.

“Why did you refuse to let me leave for my date?” You asked.

Shoto’s face went through a few expressions before settling on a fearful one. You wondered why that seemed to be the one question he didn’t want to hear.

“I-” He started but stopped, you had never seen him so speechless. “I didn’t like the idea of you going on a date with someone.”

“Why?” You questioned. Shoto took a deep breath before speaking.

“Because I’m in love with you and I have been for years. I know you don’t feel the same way. It was wrong of me to let my feelings get control of me and to intervene.” He said. “How did your date go?”

You stood there speechless. Shoto loved you. He loved you and thought that you didn’t feel the same way. You didn’t know where to start.

“He stood me up, Shoto.” You replied. His expression instantly turned to one of anger. It seemed to click for Shoto, you were home early with red eyes. All of the clues added up.

“What the hell is wrong with him?” He said. Shoto looked more angry than you had seen him in a long time.

“It’s okay, Shoto.” You said.

“How is it okay? How could anyone be stupid enough to miss out on spending even a moment with you. You’re absolutely the most perfect woman I’ve ever met.”

“It’s okay because you’re here.” You said taking a step closer. It was hard to even remember the embarrassment you felt not long ago with him standing here in front of you.

Shoto looked confused, which wasn’t surprising. It seemed you’d have to be straight forward as possible.

“I love you too, Shoto.” You said, now there was barely any space between you. “I’ve loved you for years. I didn’t want to go on a date but I thought I had to move on because you didn’t feel the same.

“Can I kiss you?” He says, he’s already leaning down to you but you knew if you said no he’d stop.

“Yes.” You said, leaning up to meet him.

The kiss is passionate, his hands are tangled in your hair and he’s holding you like if he let’s go he’ll never see you again. Your hands grip the back of his blazer.

“I love you so much.” He says between kisses. “You’re too perfect, I’d be lost without you.”

His words melt your heart and you wonder how one of the worst days of your life has turned into the best one.

“I’m hungry. Let me cook you dinner.” You said as you pulled back.

“Let me order take out and you can warm up in the shower while it gets here.” He says.

“Okay, that’s a pretty good idea.” You say.

“Thanks, I’ve picked up on it from all of your good ideas.” He says.

It’s kind of cheesy but it still makes you blush. You shower and you thank Shoto for his idea as the chill starts to leave your body. By the time you’re out clean and in you favorite pair of sweats he’s sitting on the couch with the food.

You cozy up to his side and he wraps an arm around you. It’s entertaining trying to cuddle and eat at the same time. At one point you get sauce on his shirt and you both laugh.

“I’m sorry I didn’t say it sooner.” He says, you’re now cuddled up properly now that you’re done eating.

“Me too.” You reply. “For two smart people we can both be pretty dense it seems. But we’re together now and that’s what matters.”

“We have all the time in the world now.” He says, hand stroking your hair. “What if we took a month off, traveled the world together. We could see all the places you always talked about seeing.”

“You’re the boss and I certainly wouldn’t complain.” You say smirking up at him.

Shoto leans down to kiss you again. The thought of spending time with him and traveling like you always wanted to sounds like a dream.

“Then we better start packing tomorrow.”

taglist: @sugarmaplewings-fics @lilkiwisfinest @ewwis @kandy1410 @moonlightaangel @winnies-headcannons @bakugousidehoe @paintedr0ses1 @toobsessedsstuff @spellboundxizi @softkatsuki @x0doodlebug0x

#shoto x reader #shoto todoroki x reader #todoroki x reader #shouto todoroki x reader #bnha #bnha x reader #mha #mha x reader #todoroki shoto #my writing #au prompts event #ha-tep

884 notes · View notes

milkybonya · 4 years

Note

hello smiling anon here :) can i request nct 127 as boyfriends? ur astro as boyfriends post was so cute :)

Anonnie im sorry i made you wait so long TT this is the busiest week of the year so far and i had to stay focused to prepare for it, but i hope you enjoy~

NCT 127 as boyfriends ♡

link to Astro version

Warnings: food mentions

what i listened to while writing: To My Youth by BOL4

Taeil

sweet to the MAX

always singing around the house and serenading you

multiple movie nights with you in one week where you eat a whole bunch of junk food together and cuddle the entire time ;3;

becomes flustered very easily when you reach for his hand or hug him because he doesn't like skinship

but strangely with you, his heart skips a beat??

helps you when you're stressed by enveloping you in a hug and not letting go until you feel better

not overly clingy but not distant either - he's the perfect bf !!

knows when to give you space and when he needs to invade your space and give you lots of kisses >:)

not big on fancy dates, just wants to bask in your presence

wherever he is, as long as you're there, he's happy

i don't know why but i imagine his hand getting clammy when you hold it because he's so nervous,, then he gets all shy and embarrassed about it :")

Johnny

always taking photos of you

literally has a folder in his phone named '[y/n]'

so whipped for you omg he literally giggles any time you lock eyes

so EMBARRASSING cause of all the bad jokes he cracks and how tough he tries to act

"[y/n] do you wanna feel my arm muscles?"

waking up next to him each morning would involve you thinking he’s asleep and staring at him until he pulls you closer into his chest and presses his lips to your forehead ;3;

takes you on really creative dates like going to markets, going for drives, walks through unknown paths

if y’all are not seeing each other in person, he’ll constantly be texting or calling you

always sends you photos of things that remind him of you

the type to pretend he’ll give you your coat, then he doesn’t, but then he does because he loves you :”)

quite clingy in the sense that he always wants to be near you, holding your hand, hugging you, kissing you, whatever it may be

Taeyong

such a sweet and loving bf :”)

the type to buy you flowers and be that classy, romantic boyfriend

he’ll leave handwritten notes around the house and will send you good morning texts if you guys are apart from one another

the two of you are definitely the cool couple

but you’re also the couple who laughs hard about the most random things

like Taeil, knows when to give you space and when he should be there for you

will respect your sense of independence and root for you to succeed in your own things!

but also gets clingy sometimes and just wants a few hugs and kisses :”)

acts cute and pouts in front of you a lot

but only in front of you, never in public or in front of anyone else

listens carefully whenever you’re sad and lets you rest your head on his shoulder, cry all over him - he lets you do whatever you need to do to be happy again, and he’ll try his best to cheer you up too :D

Yuta

loves reading with you, it’s one of his favourite things to do :”)

sometimes just ends up staring at you which leads to him pulling you towards him which leads to cuddling while reading and for him to kiss the top of your head an infinite amount of times

omg he will let you braid his hair or play with it or do all kinds of things to it

painting each other’s nails !! and searching for unique accessories in stores!

he’ll just buy an accessory and give it to you like “i just know this will look good on you, please try it on!”

i feel like he’ll be very honest with you about everything

so you both have nights when you talk for hours about your thoughts

and in the morning forget all about it by watching something while in bed hehe

will like exercising with you from time to time so you both stay healthy!

always thinking about you and your health, both mental and physical

you might be able to convince him to get a couple outfit :o

Doyoung

Like Johnny, likes taking photos of you but does it a bit more shyly

puts on a cool front all the time but he’s quite shy ;-;

loves to bake with you and actually takes it quite seriously

he’ll chase you around if you smudge batter on his face >:)

makes home dates fancy by lighting so many scented candles that the smell actually becomes unbearable

when you go on walks together, he’ll hide behind you every time he sees a dog, and you always have to apologize to the dog owners on his behalf because he’s scared :”D

likes to lie on top of you when you cuddle, with his weight on his legs which are on either side of you so he’s not crushing you, just so he can trace the shape of your face with his fingertips

if you cry, he cries and if you laugh, he’ll laugh - i feel like that’s how he’ll comfort you, by empathizing :”)

likes to go on car rides with you where the two of you are just singing songs

always makes sure you’re eating your meals and staying hydrated - brings you food if you’re busy or forget

gets you really thoughtful gifts for special days but also throws a few meme gifts in there

Jaehyun

that bf who invites you to watch him play basketball just so he can take off his shirt in the middle of the game and watch as your face turns red

i feel like he’ll tease you in that ^ way a lot - he’s always trying to fluster you

he likes peaches so imagine going peach picking with him !! you’ll take such cute photos together and if he’s taller than you, he’ll pick all the peaches that you can’t ;3;

always trying to cheer you up whenever you’re sad - why can i picture him doing aegyo TT

this one time it rained when you were on a late night walk with him and he took off his jean jacket, held it above your heads as you ran home, but you ended up wet anyway :”)

super comforting whenever you’re sick or don’t feel good

constantly complimenting you and shows you lots of physical affection

always hugs you when he sleeps because if you’re not there, he’d just be hugging the blanket instead

not incredibly sentimental but always tries his best to show his love for you

tried to make breakfast in bed for you and dropped a whole bunch of cutlery on the floor :D

went through your phone and saved his name as ‘peach’ in it

Winwin

(this is from WayV as boyfriends, that’s why it looks a little different <3)

SOFT ANGEL

SOFT SOFT SOFT

did i mention he’s soft?

always worried about you

genuinely cares about your feelings

a lot of “are you okay?” and “you’re not mad at me, right?”

if you’re ever in a bad mood, he’ll run to the store real quick and grab your favourite food for you

A LOT OF CUDDLES AND LAZY MORNINGS

he doesn’t like skinship but loves to hold you :’)

too shy to show affection in public tho

will hold your hand at the most

even if he does that, he’ll hold your hand in your pocket because he’s so shy

pls protecc him at all costs

is willing to do anything for you

sometimes you have to ask him how he genuinely feels about something

because he can’t say no :(

please make sure you tell him you love him regularly, or he’ll be sad :(

a lot of stay-at-home dates like watching movies

watchiNG ANIME (if you like it, of course)

“let’s just do whatever you want”

wiLL CRUSH YOU IN MOBILE GAMES

“i beat you! now give me a kiss >:)”

Jungwoo

if you also like to eat, y’all will have the most epic food dates omg

literally travelling to countries just to try the food there - that’s what it will be like

most of your dates involve food, but also a lot of walking dates so you can burn it off :”)

yet also many movie nights on the days where you don’t want to walk

he’ll learn your speaking habits and will imitate you whenever you get annoyed or angry

likes to play soccer with you, even if you’re bad at it (so he can tease you), but if you’re good then he’ll enjoy trying to beat you

he’s the one who roasts you the most yet also cares for you the most

likes to kiss your neck because he can smell your natural scent, but if you hate it then he’ll do it to tease you or he’ll stop if you seriously tell him to

imitates kdrama male actors and actually makes your heart flutter by doing those things

and when you see the actors kissing in a drama,,,, you already know what he’s about to do

when you’re upset, he’ll hug you tightly and stay with you until you feel better

Mark

y’all have a shared playlist that you always add songs to so you can listen to it during car rides or when cuddling

he keeps everything and anything you give him, whether it be a candy wrapper, flowers, a belt, shoes, anything

prepares really sweet gifts for you - a lot of songs or meaningful things

claims that you’re his muse and sometimes just stares at you for 5 minutes whenever you drop by his studio

“you’re my sun, i’m photosynthesizing so just stay right there”

he’s shy and gets flustered easily when you kiss or hug him, even when you just hold his hand

you have a tradition with him each fall where you go to a park, gather all the leaves to make a pile so you can dive into it

usually ends with you falling on top of him and the two of you just laying there for a long time

voice calls that last for more than 8 hours will become a thing when you date him :”)

always jokes about things related to marriage like ‘wow imagine if we had our wedding here’ and laughs awkwardly but he’d actually love to marry you

takes you on trips that he claims are for him to get inspiration for music writing but he really just wants to spend time with you

Haechan

you already know what you’ve signed up for, right? chaos, absolute chaos - but in the best way

super clingy, always holding onto your arm or hand

whines when you don’t give him hugs or attention

bought a big plushie that reminded him of you so he can hug it when you’re not there and he misses you

he’s such a baby omg he’ll love being babied by you

makes hand crafted, diy gifts that clearly have his entire heart and soul in them

likes singing karaoke songs with you because if too you’re shy to sing alone, at least when he sings with you, he can hear a bit of your voice

cannot live if you’re sad or upset - he’ll do anything to help you feel better

cuddling is his favourite thing on this planet and he’ll wrap his legs around you so the two of you become an entangled mess, yet somehow are still comfortable

texts you random things like ‘i just saw a dog’ but also says stuff like that out loud to you

acts strong and cool sometimes like when you’re watching horror movies but fails miserably :(

ah, have you made it to the bottom? thank you for reading <3 were you by any chance looking for a sign? because this is it, this is your sign. i wish you luck with whatever it is that you must or must not do ;3;

312 notes · View notes

stargirlrchive · 4 years

Text

Fantasies - Spencer Reid

masterlist ; request are open (send me stuff <3)

author’s note: okay i have never written smut, ever. and i want to but im shy 👉🏼👈🏼 and i was trying to write some stuff here but i couldn’t get myself to go all the way. so sorry about that, I WILL IMPROVE AND I WILL WRITE A SMUTTY PIECE EVENTUALLY. it’s my goal for the end of the year. italics and bold are a dream & i hate the title again, nothing new

disclaimer: NSFW, smut no actual s*x and very vague (honestly don’t know if it would even be considered but yeah!) GIF NOT MINE

pairing: spencer reid x reader

word count: 3,365

His tongue was hot on your body as it trailed down your chest, reaching near your belly button. He pursed his lip and bit down, letting dark marks litter from your neck all the way down to your lower stomach. You could see a mop of curls but couldn’t make out who it was. But you didn’t really care, his tongue was far too skilled and distracting. He kissed down to your thighs and before he got to where you wanted him most, he looked up and you felt your heart drop to the pit of your stomach, “Spencer?”

You woke up scared, confused and flustered. Your body had set off into a cold sweat and you were so utterly frustrated. Frustrated for two reasons, the first being that your dream ended right before it got good, and second because you had been trying to suppress those feelings but it seemed that your subconscious mind was catching up with you. Spencer was probably the person you were closest to, and you had managed to block out any feelings you had for him so it wouldn’t interfere with your friendship. Or so you thought.

You felt a flutter in the pit of your stomach and looked at the clock, 6:54 am. You were normally up by 7:30 to get your day started and head over to the office so you figured you’d just stay up.

Your daily morning routine was done and you were ready to go, still having a half hour before you needed to leave so you decided you would just grab a coffee. Your thoughts circling back to your dream every time your eyes fluttered shut and you couldn’t get the image of the genius out of your mind. It felt so real and so hot. You had no idea how you were going to get through the day.

Even as you sat at your desk it was so obvious something was wrong. Every time the door to the office opened you flinched and Derek and Emily had taken notice. “What’s wrong?”

Emily was looking at you with so much worry and you felt bad because you had no idea what to tell her. “I-have you ever had a dream- like a sex dream?”

“Always.”

Derek’s voice made you jump and everyone around you started laughing because of course he would say that. “O-ok what about if it was someone you had never had a dream like that about and-and you can’t stop thinking about it and it’s going to be so incredibly awkward when you see him, which you’re going to see him in like 10 minutes at most and it was really hot but it was so wrong.”

You had got everything out in one breath and your cheeks were a permanent shade of red as they both laughed at you, “It was Hotch wasn’t it?”

“What the hell!”

They laughed at your utterly mortified face, “No it was not, it was Spencer!”

“It was Spencer, what?”

You had stilled at the sound of his voice, you had been so involved in recounting your nightmare to your friends that you had failed to notice him walk in, they were still laughing at you. “Y-you forgot to turn the lights off from the office last night, since you were the last to leave.”

He did not look at all convinced but to your relief, he let it go. You just needed to keep a respectful distance from your cute genius friend and everything would be fine.

It was not fine, nothing about the day was fine. Hotch had paired you and Spencer together to work on some reports from the last case the team had taken on. He was so close you could smell his cologne and his floppy head of hair taking you back to your dream. You shifted and tried to get as far away as possible from him, hoping he had not noticed. But he had.

He noticed everything and he was hurt, to say the least. He didn’t understand what had caused the change between the two of you. You had always been very close.

The two of you had started working around the same time but you were strictly working under Penelope. Until you realized you preferred being hands on with the BAU, you hated having to stay behind. And your age, the two of you were the youngest of the group everyone always teased that the two of you would end up together, or at least hooking up. None of that had happened, much to Spencer’s disfortune.

“Did I do something?”

“What?”

“Did I do something to upset you?”

Your face was scrunched you in confusion and also discomfort, you didn’t want things to be weird but you felt bad. Bad because now when you looked at him all you could picture was his tongue tracing your body. And it felt so right, like ink marking parchment but you knew it was wrong. He had no idea about your fantasies and you hated having to keep a secret. Especially from Spencer.

“Spencer, you did nothing wrong. I-I just don’t feel good. And being in here is making me really hot and maybe I just need to work at my own desk because I feel suffocated in here.”

He knew you were lying, his eyes had hardened and he was so angry. “I need to clear my head, I can’t concentrate.”

He heard you vaguely mumble before you stepped out of the office, letting him drown in his thoughts of what was going on with you. You quickly walked out of the office the two of you had been in and we’re going to make your way to the restroom when Hotch stepped out of his office.

“Can I see you for a minute inside my office?”

His voice was flat, but there was amusement dancing in his eyes and you felt your stomach drop, turning to see Emily and Derek snickering behind you. You knew they had kept talking about it and Hotch had over heard them.

He motioned for you to shut the door and so you did, sitting down stiffly as he danced around the words he was going to say, the amusement lingering in his eyes made you tense up. This was mortifying, “Get on with it, Hotch.”

“People think I have no sense of humor, but I think I have pretty great sense of humor. Don’t you?”

Your eyes narrowed at your boss, “Depends.”

“How’s working with Reid?”

“It’s been normal.”

He was full on smiling now, “Are you ever going to tell him?”

“I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about and even if I did know, wouldn’t you want me to not say anything. No fraternizing.”

His eyes rolled so far back you were sure it hurt him, “As long as it doesn’t affect your work, I could care less what you all do, or who you do, outside of the office.”

Your cheeks burned, “But if you need motivation I know he feels the exact same.”

Your eyes narrowed on his figure once more, questioning him, “You get a few drinks in him and he’s an open book.”

You didn’t respond, not knowing what to say, “But seeing as it’s as hard as it is for you, I’ll just have him work with Garcia and you can finish up paperwork with Prentiss and Morgan.”

You couldn’t oppose, not that you wanted to, you needed some space from him. You stepped out of his office and made your way to your two colleagues, “What was that about?”

You shrugged your shoulders, “I’m working with the two of you now.”

“It can’t be that bad working with Spencer is it?”

They were teasing you, “No but it is distracting, so how can I help?”

You weren’t sure how long it had been since you left Hotch’s office, but by the look of anger and confusion on Spencer’s face when he left the room he was in you could tell it had been awhile. You forgot to tell him you weren’t working with him anymore.

“Shit-sorry Spence. Hotch to-“

“You’re being so childish.”

You tensed at his words, “Excuse me?”

Derek and Emily could feel the rising tension and quickly tried to jump in for you. “You’re so angry at me you had to go tell Hotch to change you assignments.”

“No I didn’t. He-“

“I can’t believe you.”

You were fuming, he wasn’t giving you the chance to answer, “Maybe if you stopped interrupting me and let me explain myself you wouldn’t be so angry.”

“Whatever, I didn’t need your help anyway. You weren’t necessarily helping. If anything just slowing me down and being a nuisa-“

“Reid.” Derek’s voice cut through to the two of you, the hurt clear on your face and Spencer’s anger leaving him in a second. He shouldn’t have said that. He didn’t mean to say that.

You turned away from him and ignored the way he was calling out for you, instead diving into the huge pile of paperwork the three of you still had.

“Drop it, Spencer. Hotch wanted you to help Garcia anyways.” You heard him sigh after Emily told him to leave you alone, only looking up from your mountain of work when you heard his footsteps disappear.

Spencer wanted to pull his hair out, he was hurt by the way you had been acting but you hadn’t actually said anything to hurt his feelings. And he did, he purposely hurt you and the guilt was eating him up. Clearly affecting him and Penelope was growing frustrated with his constant pacing.

“You’re more twitchy than normal.”

He let out a breathy laugh, delving into what exactly had happened between the two of you. Penelope was glaring at him, “I-I know, I was mean! And I didn’t really mean it I was just hurt. I dealt with it wrong.”

She huffed quietly, “You need to apologize.”

Spencer’s eyes looked frantic, he didn’t even know what to say to you, “Hey I have feelings for you and since you didn’t want me around you I felt hurt and in turn, I was a dick.”

“Now.”

She was pushing him out of the room, ignoring his protest and locking the door once he was out. He let his head fall onto the door and heard the muffled voice of Penelope through the door, “You can’t come in until the mission is complete.”

He turned from the door and let his eyes scan over the floor, he couldn’t see you.

“On her lunch.”

Emily didn’t even look up from the pile of paperwork and Spencer muttered out a quiet ‘Thank you.’

He was walking towards the lunchroom when JJ stopped him, an iced coffee in her hand, “She isn’t in there.”

His face scrunched up, “Does everyone know what happened?”

“Yes.”

“Where is she?”

“Hotch’s office.”

With that she walked alway and Spencer groaned quietly, you were avoiding him.

“And then he was going to call me a nuisance. I know he was, Morgan just got him to stop talking before he finished his sentence. Can you believe that?”

Hotch was trying not to laugh at you, “Yes well men are idiots.”

“You’re a man.”

“I’m the only exception.”

“Rossi too.”

He laughed quietly as you angrily stabbed your food, “I am never going to tell him now.”

“I thought there was nothing to tell?”

You glared at him, “Now out of my office, I have work to do.”

You huffed and made your way to leave, you knew he’d let you stay if you really wanted to but you still had work to do. “I will keep pairing you up with him if you don’t tell him.”

“Is that a threat?”

“Yes.”

You both laughed and you shut his door, stilling as you saw Spencer lingering around your desk. He sent you a small smile and you turned away from him, making your way towards the restroom. You couldn’t believe that all this was happening because of some stupid dream you had.

When you returned Spencer was no longer at your desk and you quickly jumped back into your work, hoping no more distractions came your way.

Thankfully, the rest of the day went without any interruptions. You tied your hair up and made yourself some coffee, you wanted to come in later tomorrow so you decided you’d stay as long as you needed to, to finish up your work. Slowly everyone began to gather their things and leave, and you tried not to think about how you had not seen Spencer leave.

Hotch and Rossi were talking quietly among themselves as they were walking out, “Late night?”

You nodded, “Just a few more files, I should be out here in like an hour more or less.”

“Have fun.”

You smiled at both of them and continued on with your work.

40 minutes had passed and you heard quiet arguing coming from Penelope’s office and then the door being pulled open and both her and Spencer walking out, turning away from the both of them to keep working.

You could hear them talking quietly amongst themselves and then Penelope spoke up, “Do you have a lot of work?”

“Just two files, im almost done.” You sent them a smile but it was mainly for Pen, they both knew it and Spencer was shifting awkwardly between his feet. “Perfect! You shouldn’t take too long and Spencer can help so you don’t stay here by yourself.”

“No.”

But Spencer was already walking towards you and you huffed quietly, “I don’t know why he would want to if he clearly thinks I just hold him back.”

He whined your name out quietly, asking you to stop. You turned back to Penelope to see she had already left, she sent you a thumbs up from the elevator and you slumped into your seat. You didn’t know if you were being childish but you were upset with him.

He took one of the files and you worked quietly next to each other, but you could feel his eyes on you every couple seconds. “I’m sorry.”

You didn’t say anything. You had both finished the the file you were working on and you simply closed and we’re preparing to leave.

He was getting frustrated again, you could tell by the way he was wearing his bottom lip out and the way his arms were bawled up in fist. He hated when the people he cared about were upset with him, when you made your leave to walk away he had enough.

His hand had wrapped around your wrist and he pulled you in abruptly, causing you to curse under your breath. His arms had enclosed around you at the desk, not letting you leave.

He was so close his cologne had began to take up everything around you and you resisted letting your eyes close. You were looking up at him as he towered over you. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said and I shouldn’t have said that! I don’t think you were slowing me down and everything else I said.”

His words were soft and frantic and there was guilt in his eyes and you huffed quietly. You forgave him, and he knew you had too. “It’s okay. I’m sorry I was being weird today too.” Your cheeks burned pink as you remembered your dream and you realized just how close he was to you. He noticed how your cheeks flushed and how you pushed yourself from him, although it didn’t help much. You were still so close. “Are you going to tell me why?”

“I don’t want to.”

You were playing with the ends of your hair, a nervous habit. “It’s embarrassing and I don’t want things to change between us.”

His face scrunched up in confusion and he removed his arms from around the desk, letting you leaving if you wanted to, but you didn’t and Spencer was glad you hadn’t. “I don’t think anything could make our relationship change. Unless you say Harry Potter is better than Star Wars.”

You both laughed quietly, things feeling normal again. “I had a dream about you-about us. And you were doing things, to me. And I just can’t get it out of my head and you’re distracting. And while I’m confessing I guess I should just tell you I’ve had feelings for you, that sounds so juvenile I hate it. But I’ve had feelings for you for the longest time and I kept trying to suppress it because we’re friends but we’re also colleagues and it would create so much tension and now I can’t stop talking because I’m nervous and you don’t feel the same because you aren’t saying anything, which is fine, I just needed to tell you.”

He was all over you in the next second, hand on your hips as he pressed himself against you and pressed you against the desk even more. The metal causing a slight sting, but that was the farthest thing from your mind. His lips had melted into yours and his tongue exploring your mouth. He let out a quiet moan as your rolled your tongue against his and tugged on his hair. He had sat you on the desk towards the edge and continued the assault on your lips, his hips rolling against yours and feeling a surge of confidence flow through all parts of his body at the moans and whimpers leaving your lips.

His fingers were fumbling with your belt and your hips bucking into his hand despite your words. “Spencer we’re in the office.”

“I don’t care.” His words were deep and heavy and you couldn’t bring yourself too either. As soon as he undid your belt he unbuttoned your pants, his hand slipping in and instantly pressing against your clothed center, his long fingers applying pressure to your pulsing core. The fabric adding friction as your hips moved with his hand. His eyes were glued to where his hand was and you lifted your hips, moaning as he pushed harder against you. “Take them off.”

He was helping you out of your pants when the two of you heard coughing to get your attention, jumping apart. There was a custodian who was looking anywhere but the two of you, his cheeks pink, “I clean this floor today.”

You fumbled with buttoning up your pants as Spencer tried his best not to laugh at your mortified face, “We’re really sorry, we didn’t know anyone else was still here.”

At this Spencer laughed and you shoved him away from you, still flustered as you grabbed your bags and made your way to leave, not being able to meet the eyes of the man who had caught the two of you.

Your thought were running a million miles in your mind but Spencer’s long fingers tangled with your and pulled you out of your spiral. “You okay?”

Your cheeks burned profusely as you waited for the elevator, “Oh come on, don’t tell me you’ve gone shy after the fact that I had my hand down your pants.”

“Spencer!” You whined and hid your face in his chest, he laugh rumbling all through his chest before he pulled you with him into the elevator. “I’m kidding, I like knowing I caused that.” His hand was rubbing softly against your cheek, his eyes flickering all over your face and he was leaning down again. His lips pressed softly onto yours and held you as close as he could, it was proving to be difficult between all the things you both were carrying. You bit down gently, pulling his lip with you and he huffed quietly, eyes closed as he savored the taste of your lips on his. “We have a lot to talk about.” He nodded and a dopey smile littered his face, “Are you tired to go out to eat?”

You shook your head no and you smiled at him as he took your hand in his again, “I know a great pizza place.”

“Sounds great, and by the way, Harry Potter is better than Star Wars.”

taglist: @swellwriting @carolinesbookworld @theboywhocriedlupin @awfulmoons @lumos-barnes @fortisfiliae @finnofamerica @beskarjedi @aperrywilliams @ta-ka-shi-ma (let me know if you’d like to be added <3)

#criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid angst #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid imagine #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds x y/n #spencer reid smut #criminal minds smut #criminal minds angst #criminal minds fluff #criminal minds fandom

478 notes · View notes

mochees · 3 years

Text

"𝗶 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗜𝗜"

-> headcanons, how they tell you they love you for the first time, part two!

characters: sakusa, iwaizumi, x fem!reader

warnings: fem reader, ✨healthy relationships✨, oikawa being oikawa

wc: 3.6K

a/n: WOAH okay uh did NOT expect that last set to be that popular,,,, y'all thirsty for love huh? me too anyway i thought id do a part two since i honestly really enjoyed writing the first set and my brain is vibrating with ✨thoughts✨ and seeing how much love it got really made me feel how i haven't felt in so long, so thank you! maybe ill turn this into a series so lemme know if u wanna see someone specific👀👀😏 also sorry for like posting and then dipping again lmao thats just my social media brand i have the attention span of a fucking worm

read part 1 here!

Sakusa Kiyoomi

okok i know its like common for sakusa to be shown as not interested in PDA (in private or public) unless hes feeling "needy"

BUT i believe that after a few weeks, maybe months if he's still unsure, he would definitely be much more comfortable with PDA

like, if its been a long time and your both serious about it and not just in a relationship to be in a relationship he starts to notice your routine

he notices the changes you make so that he's comfortable and so that you can be close to him without him being worried about icky yicky germy wormys (someone take away my thought privileges)

so now that he knows that you take care of your hygiene and exactly what you do for it, slowly he's wrapping an arm around you in 30° heat while you're both sweating

slowly he's "forgetting" his mask in the car for dates

slowly, but surely, he understands that a little bit of exposure, isn't a bad thing.

"kiyoomi?" your voice brought sakusa's eyes to yours where he could see the concern behind them.

"are you okay y/n?"

you'd decided, after three weeks of intense training and barely seeing your boyfriend, that you wanted just one day and one night with him. just the two of you, you know he'd never admit it, but he needed a break.

after atsumu decided to try out some new plays that didn't start off to well, sakusa had been silently groaning everytime he had to reach for something. he was excellent at making sure he wasn't overworking himself, and he wasn't, its just that the human body is an absolute wonder, and not in a good way. sometimes things that should have mildly injured you, left you with a tiny scrape, or a bruise or a very quick-to-fade red mark, and sometimes you drop a phone on your face and break your fucking jaw.

you offer him a gentle smile that completely washes away the concern in your eyes.

"im fine omi! but you," you reach your hands up to rest on both sides of his face turning his head side to side, studying it intensly.

"you're looking a little pale. and possibly grey."

"how do you mean y/n-chan?"

for such an intelligent man sometimes he really could be a himbo.

"i mean that i think you might be sick, baby."

sakusa stared blankly at you, as if he couldn't fathom the possibility of 'himself, sick?'

"omi? kiyoomi!" you nabbed his attention, "i think you're sick, and we best go home."

"but-" he started, but you were quick to cut him off knowing exactly what he was about to say.

"kiyoomi, it's inevitable. even if you were the worlds most decked out with ppe, and the worlds leading force in hygeine, you'd still end up catching a cold at least once. that's just how the world works baby. and don't worry about the date, all i want is to spend some time with you."

you ended up practically dragging your sad little puppy of a boyfriend back up the complex stairs and into his unit before settling him on the couch and getting to work.

"ill get you some water, you just sit here and relax. i don't want to think about what would happen if those dumbasses didnt have you there next week, bokuto and hinata would probably crack their skulls!" your attempt at a little light hearted humour helped sakusa forget for a moment, but he was quick to go back to not understanding how he was sick.

"thank you." he took the glass from your hand and rested it between his legs, when he noticed the rubber gloves you had clutched at your side. he knew what they were for, those were his cleaning gloves.

"what are you doing? you can't stay you'll..." he paused. "you'll get sick too."

"i'll be fine omi-omi! you just relax and drink lots of water, ill take care of this." you turned towards the wall with a soft smile before muttering, "ill take care of you."

sakusa watched you clean, the bucket full of diluted bleach, the duster, a cloth, and his cleaning gloves. he loved the way that they were too big for you, the way you kept having to pull them up every so often to keep them on. he loved the way that everytime he finished his glass of water, you were right there to fill it back up.

you don't even remember seeing, or hearing him lift himself from his spot on the couch and make his way over to where you were humming and covering the counters in the diluted solution. you felt a pair of big arms wrap around you, a chin on your shoulder and a kiss on your cheek.

"thank you, y/n. i love you."

thank god he caught a cold, or he might never have realized just how lucky he was.

Iwaizumi Hajime

family man

is a family man but not just ANY family man

yes, it's important to him that you like and respect his parents and vice versa

but its just slightly more important to him that you get along with his friends, his found family because im a SUCKER for the classic lilo n stitch trope

he knows that many people say that its his life and he doesn't need anyones approval etc.

but iwaizumi believes different, he believes that he doesn't need approval in the literal sense but rather approval through watching you interact with his friends and his family and how you do your best to learn about them and make time for them, even though you dont have to

and he thinks it's absolutely enthralling

the way your eyes light up when you see that book his mom has been talking about wanting to read and picking it up with no hesitation

how you're able to almost flawlessly keep up with issei and takahiro's antics while also making sure they don't go too far, something even iwaizumi struggles with

and most importantly, how effortlessly you connect with his childhood best friend.

there were many things that Iwaizumi Hajime enjoyed, volleyball, athletics, godzilla of course, spending time with three dumbasses (but he’ll never admit that) and a little while ago, he added you to that list.

you were so effortlessly able to connect with his team, his friends, and his family but most importantly, the way you were able to connect with Oikawa brought a smile to his face.

“oh, iwa-chan~, what are you admiring?” there he went again, Iwa thought, Tohru Oikawa’s dumb smirk and hyper awareness of his team, both on and off court. how he wated to head-butt him in the face. but, he showed restraint. after all, he wouldn’t want loserkawa to use you as a human shield from his head. so, he ignored the urge. but it passed as soon as he saw tohrus arm arond your shoulders, crossed feet and leaning on you ever so slightly while he took a few occasional swigs from his water.

and just like that, the incredible restraint vanished like morning mist.

you could practically see the steam coming off of his hot skin, and the vein popping out of his forehead, when you noticed what had him so heated. “trashykawa get your filthy hands off of my girlfriend!”

“excuse me!” he pouted, “my hands are clean and tailored! just like any responsible setters would be!” he stuck his lip out farther and gave you his irresistable puppy-dog eyes. “y/n-chan, i’m not filthy! am i?” he whined.

and, as the word suggests, his look was truly irresistable and you stumbled over your words. “n-no! of course not tohru!”

“see, iwa-chan! y-n thinks i’m squeaky clean!” his dumb smirk appeared again, and rather than continue with flirtykawas obvious games, Iwa opted for the less violen approach.

“don’t flatter yourself, dirtykawa. she’s just being nice.” he growled. “I’m done for the day, i have a project due. y-n.” he offered his hand to you like the gentleman he is not forcing you to take it, but the look in his eyes told you that he wanted you too.

“see you later, tohru!” you gave him a quick hug and intertwined your fingers with iwa’s.

now, technically, girls aren’t allowed in the boys locker room but since it’s after hours and just you and iwaizumi no one cared. to be fair though, literally no one knew except the team so, whatever you didn’t complain you got to watch yout ultra ripped boyfriend change. quality time. you thought, when you noticed him mid-change with his shirt over his head, resting on his arms. as any good girlfriend would, despite the devil on your shoulder, you came up behind him placing your hands on his seriously broad shoulders. taking notice of the tension, you started to work at the muscles. your care was quickly rewarded with a quiet sigh, and relaxed shoulders.

“hajime?” you continued rubbing at the tight fibers, “are you alright? you’re usually the one telling me im holding too much tension.” you giggled and he turned to face you placing one hand against the side of your face.

“hajime?” it came out shaky and worried.

“i’m okay,” he smiled “it’s just,” hesitation. he was never one to hesitate.

“i know i have no right to be but seeing oikawa so clingy with you it just, i dont know, it really gets to me i guess? he, just, he gets all the girls, all the attention, and i don’t want to-” you stopped him.

“sweetheart, it’s okay to be jealous or upset i’m not going to be angry, you have a right to your feelings. I understand how you feel, i never mean to flirt with him, if i ever have, i mean i don’t know, you know how bad of a flirt i am,” he chuckles at that. “it’s just that i know how important he is to you and you are so, so important to me and i want to be able to understand whats important to you, so you never have to choose between us, because that wouldn’t be fair. i love you, hajime iwaizumi, and everything about you.”

you expected him to be shocked, hell, he thought he would be shocked when or if you said it, but he wasn’t. and that’s exactly how he knew what to say next.

“i love you too, y/n l/n.” pressing a soft kiss against your lips.

“geez, it only took you two a century and forever.” someone snarked.

hajime chucked a towel at him “get out assykawa!” and he did, he bolted through the door laughing like the demon matchmaker he thought he was.

do not repost, copy, or claim.

previous | next

#haikyu #haikyuu #haikyuu!!#haikyu!!#haikyuu reader insert #haikyuu headcanons #iwazuimi #iwaizumi x y/n #hajime iwaizumi #iwa x reader #sakusa x y/n #sakusa kiyoomi #sakusa x reader #hq iwaizumi #hq headcanons #hq anime #hq sakusa #hq fanfic

69 notes · View notes

dreamteamfanblog · 3 years

Text

Controversial Opinion

But I really don’t appreciate Niki’s behavior.

Niki complained about being undervalued while using basically the least valued yet possibly hardest working person on the server (Tommy) as a scapegoat. During her ramble she blamed Tommy for all the worlds problems which is just incredibly unfair. Because Tommy and Tubbo are just the fucking babysitters of the whole Smp. They're constantly protecting and nurturing and looking out for the wellbeing of OTHER PEOPLE. I mean the wars they fight- and they've not only fought in but LEAD every one- aren't for them, Tommy and Tubbo have both acknowledged that they could just set off on their own and live a happy life, they have no big reason to stay! Except that they need to protect the freedom of those around them. Of people who have always been too selfish to appreciate it. Of people who pin the weight of the world on these kids and have the audacity to undervalue everything they do. Niki scapegoating all the worlds problems INCREDIBLY unfair.

And the issue isn't even the hypocrisy itself, i’m not sure we can reasonably even say Niki has been all that undervalued. Niki never inserted herself into anything important, people acknowledged her when she was there but she was never there and when she was didn't contribute anything almost ever. If she wanted her voice to be heard she had a responsibility to make her voice heard, nobody is obligated to knock on her door every day just to check in and maybe goad an opinion out of her, especially not in the middle of their own incredibly intense drama filled arcs. The most Niki’s done is last arc when she...talked about not liking Schlatt then fought in the war with everyone else. She was acknowledged for both of these things. But nobody’s going to hold her hand and pull her into relevancy, she has an obligation to make herself heard like everybody else does. To say she's undervalued would imply her actions usually have more value than she’s given credit for. That just doesn’t happen.

And the tactics she’s used to pull people onto her side are incredibly unfair. The smear campaign against Tommy (which was unfair, niki complains about tommy being destructive but need i remind you the stuff she and fundy pulled when they reignited the pet war? she criticizes tommy for not putting more effort into acknowledging her but again, it’s nobodies job to hold her hand through everything and pat her on the back every time she speaks, especially not tommy who already has the weight of the world on his back) , Niki acting betrayed by Tubbo despite the fact that he still clearly believes them to be friends (and honestly idk what the kid did that she could possibly consider a betrayal, i don’t remember her ever confronting him about anything), quoting The Final Control Room to Fundy, somebody who was there in the control room and is in the middle of a nervous breakdown who’s bound to be at least semi hurt by the quotation. At one point Tubbo asked about how unequipped Niki was and she rambled for like five minutes about how she’s had nothing since Schlatt taxed her, and Tubbo immediately offers her diamond, but she just keeps going. She then took the armor...and just didn’t fight with it. Not only did she take Tubbo’s armor and do nothing with it, but she then proceeded to talk negatively about the kid and his best friend completely behind their backs as a means to convince multiple people who were currently stressed and/or hurting to allow a dictator to reign unchecked.

Niki's "fuck all of you" arc feels so undeserved. Like im literally petitioning for Tommy and Tubbo to have one but Niki doesn't deserve one, she's got zero reason at all to even want one much less to be justified in it, and she's not even just leaving everyone to struggle she's like..purposefully screwing them over in the vaguest hardest to figure out or possibly resolve way humanly possible. The people she’s ACTUALLY UPSET AT (assuming she is actually upset with tommy and tubbo and isn’t just..saying that..to convince people to go along with her bs) don’t even KNOW, she’s just been passive aggressively burning their stuff and talking shit behind their backs, I don’t know how anybody can encourage this.

I have a sinking suspicion this isn’t actually about Tommy and Tubbo or L’manburg at all and that she’s lashing out at people because...L’manburg hasn’t felt the same, not since Wilbur left (she completely panicked when she saw ghostbur log in, one of the most emotional responses she’d had all day, much moreso than anything relating to the people/things she was supposedly upset with). And I mean, she says “L’manburg isn’t about freedom anymore”, but that’s a cop-out. L’manburg didn’t change. I mean what the fuck IS it about, then? I mean does she think Tommy and Tubbo, any second now, are going to reveal that ACTUALLY this battle ISN’T about fighting Dream’s tyranny at all, but rather they’re just having a debate with Techno and Dream about where to build their new ski resort- OBVIOUSLY NOT. What is this about if not freedom? L’manburg changed when Wilbur died, but it changed for the better. Niki says L'manburg is dead. That the reason L'manburg was invented is dead. That the freedom L'manburg stood for is dead. That it died with Wilbur. And yeah. The reason L'manburg originally started DID die with Wilbur, L’manburg started in a drug van, The powerhungry moneygrabs died with Wilbur, the corruption of the state died with Wilbur, the ulterior motives, the manipulation, that all died with Wilbur. Wilbur's L'manburg is drug cartels, child soldiers, and cruel smear campaigns. That died with him. But Tommy’s L’manburg? Tommy's L'manburg is the freedom fighting morally driven nation of passion and hope. Niki can't see that Niki won't let herself see that Because that was meant to be WILBUR'S L'manburg The light and color and joy and laughter was meant to be Wilbur's He brought that! When he was good, in the beginning, he brought that! And it can't carry on after he's gone! Things can't get better after he's gone! Not with Tommyinnit L'manburg is Wilbur's not Tommy's L'manburg died with Wilbur. L'manburg died with Wilbur. L'manburg died with Wilbur. Niki can’t see that it didn’t. Niki can’t let herself see that it didn’t, because she put Wilbur on such a pedestal, used him as a symbol of hope, and the idea that the world keeps turning when he’s gone- that things may just get better when he’s gone- isn’t something Niki can deal with. There’s a reason Niki didn’t do much during the rebuilding era, a reason she didn’t have anything to say about Tommy’s exile, a reason she pulled Fundy out of there and made her own nation, a reason she’s been so silent generally. A reason she’s convinced herself L’manburg is dead when it’s not. She put all her faith onto Wilbur, and when he died, so did her hope in the future. In her eyes Wilbur was L’manburg, in her eyes Wilbur was the one that gave it life, and so in her eyes when Wilbur died, so did L’manburg. That’s why she cheered when the nation went up in flames, that’s why she can’t believe that it’s still the same L’manburg- possibly a better L’manburg- that’s why she lashed out, almost violently, at the idea that people are still seeing light and joy and hope in the nation, violently at the people who dared to try to lead L’manburg after Wilbur was gone, because L’manburg was Wilbur’s unfinished symphony in her eyes.

It’s frustrating and it’s sad. I’m angry with her, quite frankly, and at this point i’m not sure i care weather she gets therapy or a punch in the mouth, but she needs one of them for sure. Or both. I hope she gets both.

Either way she isn’t ‘popping off’. This isn’t a good thing. She’s lashing out unfairly (and as things often are on the smp, we have wilbur to blame)

#mcyt #dream smp #nihachu #dream smp discourse #long post

60 notes · View notes

caffiine · 3 years

Text

A BRIEF PAUSE

From my regularly scheduled content. I’ve got some shit to say, y’all (forewarning for spicy language and spoilers)

I thought about making this post on my fandom subblog but this show and this relationship have been TOO important to me for the past 8 years to not give it its proper place in my life. strap in bc im not sure how long this mf is about to be.

When i started this DUMB show at age 19 tortured soul “empath” dark academia me thought sam winchester was going to be my favourite character. and don’t @ me, i love sam now in his own right (and we deserve some SAILEEN PEOPLE). but after literally less than 5 episodes i KNEW dean’s character and his arc were going to be amazing and beautiful and he immediately became my favourite brother. The nuances of his character i.e. his shell vs his true self were so evident to me even in the first couple seasons. in my humble opinion, he had the most growth of the two brothers.

They all deserve to be happy, but for whatever FUCKING reason dean has the HARDEST TIME OF ANYONE being happy in this show. I know it’s his character. I know it was written that way. But FFS. I kept wondering when they were going to wrap up his emotional arc and stop torturing the poor dude.

then in season 4 they introduced castiel and 1) I thought the new concept of angels as assholes was super cool and 2) I hardcore SIMPED over misha collins (still do). I watched benignly as cas and dean began to form this relationship that seemed pretty special. I started watching the show when it was in its eighth season and I binged the shit out of it for two weeks until I was caught up. By the time I was caught up I was CERTAIN there were some feelings between them and I LOVED it. I am bisexual and I was ECSTATIC for a potential queer relationship between two masculine-portrayed dudes. I went on tumblr to express my newfound theory, only to find out that this was a real THING. “Destiel” was already an idea that had absolutely and intensely BLOSSOMED in the fandom for several seasons already. So many others saw what I saw and saw the potential of emotionally tortured/constipated “daddy’s blunt instrument” dean and the unfeeling daddy’s boy cas “crack in his chassis” Winchester being allowed to be happy together. I felt validated and hopeful. For a while.

Then it was season after season of hopefulness for them to be finally happy with each other while still fighting the ills of their world with sam and the other new members of their family that were added along the way, only to constantly have that hope seemingly teased away at the end every single time. By season 11 and the introduction of amara (not bashing, eventually loved her character and her development too) I gave up. I lost hope. I stopped watching the show. I didn’t want to keep watching my two favourite characters continuously abused by the story they were thrown into.

I know not everyone likes destiel, not everyone thought it was real. That’s chill, idc. Stories are so often meant to be (and sometimes inadvertently) left up to interpretation by the person experiencing and consuming them. It’s what’s so amazing about books and shows and movies that are able to make us feel so intensely about them and their characters. And I felt SO strongly about dean and cas. It was honestly really upsetting to me, the way the show was going with their relationship.

A while later season 13 had been going on and I started seeing some things pop up on my dash. Hopeful things. I did a bit of research and accidentally saw THE SCENE from season 12 and I couldn’t help myself. I restarted it. I watched the whole thing from the beginning again AND introduced it to my boyfriend I think partially as a way to ensure I wasn’t imagining shit (it took him awhile and a lot of me internally screaming during many scenes but by season 9 he was like “uh are they in gay love”). Fast forward to me finally catching up as season 14 was starting. I was still hopeful, somehow. And it happened AGAIN. Season 14 and the beginnings of 15 made me so sad. I HATED what they did with their relationship. I HATED the way it ended. I HATED the way dean treated cas and everyone around him. It felt like the show was taking his whole character arc back to day 1. I didn’t understand. I kept watching for a couple episodes after the big argument and cas left but the luster was gone and eventually I just stopped.

I love this show. It has meant so much to me as a story. So many of the characters are/were very dear to me. I know it’s a running joke with this show about character deaths and homophobia but the strength of the bond I felt was between cas and dean gave me a lot of hope. But it wasn’t enough. I felt betrayed one too many times. And for those of you who kept watching, for whatever reason, I don’t hold it against you. It’s still a beautiful and interesting story without cas and dean’s relationship. But I just personally couldn’t do it anymore.

I hadn’t planned on watching the rest of season 15 when it came back after pandemic hiatus, at least not for awhile. So imagine my FUCKING surprise when I was doom scrolling through twitter during election week on Thursday and I see supernatural trending right along with election shit.

What.

I couldn’t stop myself, I looked and literally SCREAMED and made my boyfriend spill his wine all over our couch. I didn’t know exactly what happened as I hadn’t seen the episode but APPARENTLY all my emotions and feelings had been at least partially vindicated. So I BOUGHT season 15 so I could finish watching where I had left off. I watched 8 episodes in less than 24hrs (don’t judge me there’s a quarantine) and I LIKED them. And it might’ve been bc I knew what was about to happen in 15 x18 but I really felt like the show was getting STRONGER as it neared its finish.

I was so excited for 15x19. I read so many posts from fellow fans, destiel and antis alike. There really weren’t a lot of bad emotions running around. Everyone seemed hopeful and excited like me.

I probably don’t need to go over 15x19 emotions but im going to anyway. I was disappointed. I was confused. I was angry. we are in season 15. The last season ever for this show that has had a HUGE following of fans who have loved it, sometimes unconditionally, sometimes even though it wasn’t the best (and sometimes less than good). A season and show that had just announced YES. CAS LOVES DEAN. ITS REAL. And I shouldn’t have to go over the nuances of why we would expect more after this, with two episodes to go before the show is done forever.

But I will bc im mad af.

Like I said in the beginning. Dean’s character arc has been incredible. His emotional growth – as subtle as it might’ve seemed – has been amazing. And dean has always been an emotional, loving person. he just felt like he wasn’t because the world made him feel that way. And that’s sad, y’all. Dean deserves to realize he DESERVES happiness. And in 15x18, we were finally heading basically directly there. With destiel, yes, but even if you’re anti, what cas said to dean about who he is and why he loves him obviously struck a fucking chord with dean. It obviously changed the way he viewed himself (RE: “that’s not who I am, that’s not who we are”).

But for WHATEVER reason that’s ALL we got in 15x19. One fucking SENTENCE about dean realizing maybe he’s not just built to kill people. And then jack leaves without a single mention of Eileen or cas or Charlie or literally anyone they ever cared about and dean rode off into the sunset alone with his brother while we watched a fucking FIVE MINUTE MONTAGE that made me want to hurl my own body into the sun they were driving toward. And cas is STILL DEAD.

BUT THERE’S STILL ONE EPISODE LEFT AND FUCK ME IF I HAVENT BEEN PAINTING ON MY CLOWN MAKEUP ALL WEEK. SO WHAT DO I WANT????

ONE: DEAN DESERVES HAPPINESS. REAL HAPPINESS. What the FUCK supernatural??? Wasn’t this the whole point of his arc??? And don’t get me wrong I REALLY want that happiness to come from Cas and a real spoken relationship of some sort between them bc it also ties in with my second point but tbh just PLEASE let dean be happy. Dean is a loving person and does everything for love as we JUST FOUND OUT. Dean would NOT be happy with everyone he’s ever loved gone for the rest of his life. I just don’t believe that’s fucking true. h elp him pls.

TWO: CAS DESERVES HAPPINESS. I know we got this whole speech about “happiness isn’t in the having it’s simply in being” but like. Really. Castiel was supposed to be a throwaway character no one was supposed to care about. But we all cared SO MUCH that he lasted 11 SEASONS longer than intended and became a main character and an integral part of the story. Cas has arguably sacrificed more than anyone on this show. His last act was to sacrifice his life to save the man he loved. He knew where he was going. He knew he was finally going to be able to tell dean he loved him and then immediately be taken by the empty where we know now thanks to season 15 that everyone in there just gets to dream forever about their regrets and sadness. HOW IS THAT FAIR. HOW IS THAT A GOOD ENDING FOR CAS. HOW DO YOU EXPECT ANYONE – CHARACTERS AND FANS ALIKE –TO BE HAPPY ABOUT THAT. Its messed up, supernatural. Y’all KNOW it is and I hope to HIGH HEAVENS this is going to be corrected in 15x20.

THREE: give sam Eileen back.

Well that’s all I’ve got in me, folks. I’m absolutely and intensely dreading Thursday. Im scared and nervous and obviously still angry that this is absolutely going to be the opposite of what they promised – another “game of thrones” ending. Some of y’all are giving me hope with your posts about maybe they’re trying to keep the ending a surprise and maybe cas is coming back and how can they not and why else would they have done the second to last episode like that and I hope yall are right.

Either way, im glad I am not alone with my feelings. Thanks yall for the experience of this fandom and show. Let’s stick together on Thursday, no matter our differences.

PS stop calling jensen ackles a homophobe or ill hex you.

#supernatural #destiel #deancas #oh and #saileen #just to make sure theyre not forgotten #dean winchester #castiel #Misha Collins #jensen ackles #15x18 #15x20 #15x19 #i fucking guess #dean x castiel #casdean #castiel x dean #supernatural season 15

43 notes · View notes