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#I think you can notice a pattern with them lmao
7, 8, and 11 from the thingy that you rb earlier
:))
OG List
(I apologize in advance for the long answers, I just love answering stuff like that and I have a lot to say :] )
7. Your favourite tropes to read/write/draw
(I love them all the same, but it is slightly different for each, so I'm making a destinction)
Read: Honestly, kidnapping. I love characters getting kidnapped, and their loved ones worrying/rescuing them. This also includes more-or-less any type of 'going missing'-plot (incl. Char A just running away themselves). Just the feeling of "I have no idea where or how they are, and if they're even still alive", and then the relief when they meet again. Hmmm
Write: 'The world has been cruel and hard to you - therefore I won't be. I want to show you the beauty it has to offer, too <3' This is the best way I can describe it. Characters who've just had a rough time/life being unconditionally cared for and supported. Getting everything their heart has desired for so long. Short: Hurt/Comfort
Draw: While I have yet to draw this myself, actually (because humanoids are hard), any drawing of one character being hurt or scared, while another stands over them caringly and protectively - obviously willing to kick some ass if needed - has me go wild.
8. You hope more people will come to appreciate ___ (a ship, a trope, an episode, etc)
I understand that some people find the market oversaturated by now - that's valid - but still: Redemption
I love redemption so much. I want the story to gently cup a character's face and say "You are broken, but not beyond repair. You can get better, and be happy, and be surrounded by people you love and that love you back." They don't even necessarily need trauma or have gone down a super dark path, I also enjoy: "Character is a massive jerk, and we follow them down the road of being less of a jerk". These are honestly the main reasons both the 'Good Uncle Sly' and 'Apple Cousins' AUs exist.
There are few exceptions I can think of, of villains I'm personally obsessed with, and have not made a version of, where they are redeemed. I look at Reginald Bushroot, and Camille Chameleon, and the Dark Curse - and while for some more than others - there will usually be something at the back of my mind asking: "What if you didn't have to? What if you found love? What if you got to live a quiet, gentle life? What if one day you realized you live in a reality you would never have imagined come true? In a good way? What if everyone could be okay?"
Just
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Redemption
11. If you're a writer or artist, what fic or piece of art are you proud of making?
Fic: Family Discount
I was honestly surprised how many people liked that fic. Between 11 fics in total, this one definitely has some of my favourite comments (and it also has a surprsing amount of comments, I didn't expect that tbh). I was a little worried about posting a fanfic chapter-by-chapter, because the last time I tried that I basically (though not officially yet) stopped after one, because I can't write slice of life, it seems.
But so many people got emotionally invested in my writing, and I honestly didn't expect that? But even though I'm forced to take a semi-long break (for exam reasons), it is extremely motivating, and makes me feel that (as vague as it sounds), my stories do do something. How much joy the stuff you make can bring other people, is honestly so cool. Even if it's just a little fanart, or an ask, or a slightly-self-indulgent fanfic :)
I'm proud of having actually got this far, and also having written something me and other people love to read
Art:
I'm actually a little embarassed of this drawing, which I know sounds counter-intuitive to the prompt, but I swear, there is a reason it's here!
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This is my first, and currently only drawing of the Flim-Flam-Brothers
I had basically no idea what I was going to do with their designs, and I also only had 60min, with limited tools (because Colormari)
But the thing about this drawing, was that our prompt was basically just "New Years Resolutions". And mine was that I wanted to create more art, without getting bossed around by my inner sense of cringe. Because, while I have absolutely no problem with ranting and rambling and talking about my favourite characters all over the place; as soon as I want to put them into any form of art, my organs feel like they'll turn me inside out. It's the reason this blog has dozens of rambles about how much I love Darkwing Duck, and yet zero art of any of its characters (made by me).
But I made this - and kept it around - even though I knew the characters wouldn't look the best.
So this is the drawing I'm most proud of, because it actually exists :)
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"Defying the Default"- Skin Tones and the Presence of Black Characters
Okay, this one is going to be half lesson and half a thought experiment- it may get a bit frustrating, as conversations like this often do- but remember, discomfort is not always a bad thing! So I ask that you walk with me for this one.
It’s also interesting, because I’m going to direct this towards everyone (readers included!), but specifically towards my fanfic writers of media with no visual medium, as I’ve noticed this pattern there, and it makes up a good amount of creators on this site. Okay? Okay.
Behold! Many shades of brown!
I had to wade through a lot of colorism for this, and even this link is subtly racist in its introduction- the idea that brown is ‘unexciting’ 🙄.
Anyway, you know where I’m going with this:
"Chocolate and Coffee"
Even the link above pulled this! Writers who use this... they’re not ‘wrong’ per se but… often uninspired. It feels... Lazy. When you can tell an author has put no thought into the brown of choice, it makes Black readers feel like you believe these are the only shades of brown- that that’s all we look like. Even chocolate is more diverse (white, milk, dark, marbled, cookies and cream?) Coffee can come in numerous shades as well (light, medium, dark roast? Type of bean?)
My first direction to help with this: make it a point to know what shade that character is (whether canonically, or if you're the original creator, look at a reference and write it down) and find a name! Be consistent! Find similar browns to one another. If the canon Black character's skin color is done poorly, find something similar and use that! (I'll get more into this in the next lesson!)
Our skin colors may modify as we age, it changes over the seasons/presence in the sun, and some people even have vitiligo! But we're not gonna be “dark roast coffee” one morning and “light milk chocolate” suddenly. We're not chameleons lmao.
And you know what? That shade you choose might very well be 'coffee'! But it's not going to be because you didn't look and assumed we're all some random brown! That’s the intent showing! If we can find endless ways to describe the beauty of white/pale skin, we absolutely can for brown! Be willing to unpack why you may not believe brown to be capable of beauty, and work through unlearning that- it will show in your writing! One way is by pausing with yourself, and recognizing when you had a biased thought. Even by this, you’re learning!
Here’s where I want us to get into the thought experiment:
I want you to think about the description of characters in stories (as a whole). Challenge yourself- in the fics and stories you read, how often is anyone blatantly labeled 'White'? Read a story or fic; how long can you imagine them as not-White before it's ever clarified? Because not even 'pale' automatically implies a White person!
You know how I’ve mentioned before that 'Black people are not a monolith'? I can find you at least some examples of Black people fitting some of the common descriptions of white characters.
"Brunette with brown eyes"
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(Fun fact: I actually learned back in my Masters program that genetically no one has ‘black’ hair- our eyes are processing it as black, but it’s really just dark brown due to eumelanin. Regardless, if you stand us in the direct sunlight, you will see that our hair is usually just dark brown!)
"Red hair with pale skin"
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“‘tanned’ skin with hazel/green eyes”
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“blond hair" (period!)
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Now, I’m not saying that blond haired Black people or Black folk with albinism are overly representative of my people. What I AM saying is that it needs to not be taken for granted that a reader is automatically assuming a character is White in your piece of fiction- I can assume your character looks like anything if it's not stated! Especially if the OG source is a book or a podcast! We’re just used to assigning these features- and characters- as white until ‘proven not’! The default!
I am guilty of this too! Even still, I reread many of my works and go ‘ah, I didn’t clarify.’ And I have to work on doing better at it. This is having intent for your Black characters, but really, it’s having intent for all of them!
(This doesn't mean going “the Black man said,” the way sometimes people say “the Chinese said” (which…. Tbh we should all stop doing that anyway, it's weird and racist))
My Next Challenge:
Some people may disagree, but- Ahem:
Say BLACK!
Breathe lmao! Take the time to recognize that it's OKAY to introduce a character as Black, to say Black, it's fine! Obviously be sensitive about it, don't shove it in there to “win your diversity points”, but like… People are Black. It's not a bad word. What matters is the context in which you used it!
You don't even have to say it every single time. Really just the first, introductory sentence will do. For example:
“[Character A], a bright, young, Black girl with knotless braids to her mid back, glittering hair clips matching her bright green t-shirt, and a brilliant smile that shined against her bistre skin.”
I recognize that some might argue that by saying “bistre”, you don't need to say Black. But 1) you don't have to be Black to be brown or dark skinned, and 2) There's a social stigma behind even saying Black- of discussing race in general, because it leads to discomfort. Race (as a sociological construct) exists. When we say nothing about it, allowing Whiteness to be the default, we're still emphasizing race, however silently! If you're already doing it... Why not mention it? 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️
(here's a good clip of Ijeoma Oluo discussing the difficulty of discussing race; while I highly recommend the whole thing, the relevant clip is 4:25-5:39)
Maybe they're in the Black student organization in a lead position, maybe they're in a Black main cast of a play- it's okay to have those things in the story to help develop the idea that your Black character is actively Black! Just do your research to make sure you’re not leaning into stereotypes!
“There’s no races in my fantasy/future world!”
That’s fair! But I want to give you an example of how people will still project these identities onto your characters anyway:
No one has an explicitly stated 'race' in Avatar: The Last Airbender (afaik); they’re all divided by element culture. YET, many people were offended that a mixed-Korean actress was cast in her role in the live action- they ‘just didn’t see it’, because subconsciously they'd imagined her ‘face claims’ as WHITE, despite it never once being mentioned in the canon! (there’s also a firm sexualization and east Asian fetishization argument to be made about it, but that’s not within the scope of this particular conversation.)
Point is, if you are including humanoid characters in your fantasy stories, fine. You don't need to say ‘Black’ outright. But, that just means that you’re going to have to be even more detailed in your description. Because if I were watching a TV show and a Black actor shows up as an elf… I know what features I’m seeing! Entire protests have occurred over the casting of Black actors in a role ‘meant for a white person’; so... everyone sees it!
Conclusion
This is another reason why intention in character design and writing is important! Context clues and socialization help me understand who your character is. If it works like this for white characters, it can work like that for everyone else! You just have to know enough about me to write it in (and that's where the social and societal bias lie, because how much do you really know about me?)
A way to better understand this is reading books by Black authors (for fantasy, I would highly recommend Raybearer by Jordan Ifueko and Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi) as well as Black literary classics! Finding and reading Black fic authors in fandoms with Black characters! By learning how we describe ourselves and our skin colors, you’ll learn and practice how to appropriately describe us!
Now I can't make you do any of this! But I do want you all- writers especially- to start noticing our bias, how we may default to the experience of whiteness- and how that affects the way we write. When we have Black characters, and really any character of color, we need to start paying attention to how often their features, culture, and activities are emphasized, even for what we may consider to be 'background' details. That’s how we normalize creation and understanding, and become better at writing!
It’s just something to practice; remember, it’s the thought that counts, but the action that delivers!
In addition, if you are interested in a simple read into why approaching race is so uncomfortable as a whole, I've attached Robin DiAngelo's book here! Thank you to the PDF guru @toiletpotato for the link!
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lipglossanon · 1 year
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They Were Roommates
୭̥⋆*。୭̥⋆*。୭̥⋆*。୭̥⋆*。୭̥⋆*。୭̥⋆*。୭̥⋆*。୭̥⋆*。୭̥⋆*。୭̥⋆*。୭̥⋆
Roommate!Leon S. Kennedy x fem!reader
For the anon who asked for roommate Leon! 💜 I hope I did it justice 😬 🫣 this is pretty much just smut not much lead up 🫣
Warnings: 18+ minors DNI, masturbation, voyeurism, dirty talk, unprotected sex, slight oral, cum swallowing, uhh I think that’s all lol
Not proofread (you know me 💁‍♀️ lmao)
Title pulled from a vine! It’s one of my faves lmao 🤣 ୭̥⋆*。୭̥⋆*。୭̥⋆*。୭̥⋆*。୭̥⋆*。୭̥⋆*。୭̥⋆*。୭̥⋆*。୭̥⋆*。୭̥⋆*。୭̥⋆
“What do you mean you didn’t put in the ad?”
You know your voice is pitching higher, but this couldn’t get any worse. The guy at least has the good grace to look apologetic. 
He rubs the back of his head, “Yeah, I guess my old roommate put that out but he ended up moving instead of me. He never told me he even made an ad, so I’m really sorry about that.”
Frustrated tears prick your eyes but you ignore them.
“So there’s no room to rent? This is literally my last resort before sleeping out in my car.”
He looks at your earnest face and the bags at your feet. You watch as his blue eyes dart back into the apartment and he frowns. 
“Well, do you have any references?” He finally sighs, “if you’ll give me their numbers, I’ll call them and if everything’s kosher I’ll let you rent the room.”
“Really?” Your smile lights up your whole face, “yes, I have some printed out. You’d really be doing me a favor.”
He blushes as you hand him the reference paper in question, looking down at it then back up at you, “I just don’t feel comfortable letting you go without somewhere to stay.”
“Thanks, that’s really nice of you,” you nod your head at the paper, “I’ll chill out here until you’re finished with that.”
“No,” he shakes his head, opening the door wider, “you can at least sit in the living room. I’ll make these calls and we can go from there.”
And that’s how your first meeting with Leon S. Kennedy, your current roommate, went.  So after months of living together, getting used to each other’s schedules and eating habits, you fall into a really nice and comfortable pattern. Leon is tidy and polite, but also kinda dorky and sweet. 
You find yourself excited to come home after a long, grueling day at the office. Leon works in law enforcement so sometimes he’s working opposite hours from yourself; this week, however, your schedules are synced and it’s Friday night which means movies and pizza. Even better is you got to leave work early, a rare occurrence that you won’t take for granted!
Opening the front door, you drop your keys back in your bag and sing out, “Honey, I’m home!”
You hear a muffled thud from the living room, making you pause in the entryway—door half shut behind you. 
“Leon?” you call out hesitantly. 
Hearing no answer, you quietly set your bag down and slowly inch your way further in the apartment. You peek around the wall into the living room and hold in a gasp. 
Leon is practically naked, the only thing covering his modesty is the flimsy boxers he has on—doing nothing to disguise the fact his dick’s hard. 
You notice a box of tissues tipped over in the floor along with lube which must be what caused the noise. Covering your mouth with your hand, you can’t pull your eyes away from the scene in front of you. 
Leon has his phone in hand, headphones connected, as he splays out lazily on the couch. His thighs are spread wide, taking up as much space as possible. You can see his other hand slide underneath the band of his underwear and jerk himself off in his boxers. 
“Fuck,” he whispers, eyes glued to his phone, hand picking up speed. 
He rests his head on the back of the couch for a moment then pulls his cock completely out of his boxers. You have to swallow down a whine as you see how big and thick Leon’s cock is, throbbing in his hand as he pulls the foreskin down to show off the fat, oozing tip. You rub your thighs together to ease the ache in your clit.
Leon groans low in his throat and slowly strokes his cock, teasing his fingertips across the head.  He fingers the slit, precum oozing out and coating his fingers making them sticky. He sets his phone on the couch so he can keep watching but use both hands on himself. 
He pants and keeps slowly teasing himself with slow, light touches using one hand on his cock as the other gently rolls and tugs his balls. Your mouth waters at the thought of walking the rest of the way into the room and getting on your knees in front of him. As you watch Leon, slick drips from your pussy and fills your panties, making them wet and clingy. 
Leon tosses his head back with a low moan. He humps up into his hand as he fucks his fist in short steady strokes. Pausing, he reaches down for the lube and coats his hand in the clear, shiny liquid. He brings his coated palm back to his dick and moans as he jerks himself off more easily. 
“So wet,” he whispers to himself, “being so good for me, huh.”
You feel shameful arousal curling in your belly as you watch Leon in a private, intimate, moment; but you can’t help ask why he’d do this in the living room? You know you’re home early, but—
Wait, your eyes widen as your brain whirs with thoughts— is this even the first time? You bite your lip to stop yourself from whining. God, how many times has Leon jerked off in the living room while you weren’t here? Or even when you were??
“So good,” Leon’s voice rumbles, “suck that cock, baby, fuck.”
His hips slowly thrust up as his hand tightens around the thick shaft, “You’ve got such a pretty fucking mouth, sweetheart.”
Those words make you dizzy with arousal, a hot surge flooding your body so quickly it feels like you’re going to pass out. You rub your thighs together and can feel yourself starting to leak through your panties. 
Leon starts to fist his cock more roughly, precum and lube oozing over his knuckles. 
He groans, voice gravelly, “Can barely fit me in your mouth, baby.”
He bucks his hips up hard, “God, can even see how far you get cause of that ring of lipstick around my cock.”
You bite into the meat of your palm to curb any sounds, not wanting to get caught. You swallow thickly at the thought of getting caught while watching Leon get off. Maybe he’d want to see how far your mouth would fit around him. Leave your own sheen of strawberry lipgloss around his fat length. You rub your thighs together again, feeling more turned on than ever before in your life.  
Leon groans, pulling your attention back to him away from your own thoughts. One of his hands is still tugging his heavy looking balls while the other keeps a tight tunnel formed around his cock. 
You really want to touch yourself, but it’s hotter to just watch Leon. You can always get off later, remembering this moment.
Your wide eyes continue to watch as the leaky tip of Leon’s dick peeks out of his fist on every stroke—teasing you with the promise of hot cum on your tongue if you only dared enough to go in there for a taste. 
He quickly jerks himself harder, sounds of shlick shlick shlick filling the air. Leon starts humping up into his slick fist, growling in satisfaction as he rolls his hips just right.
“Fuck, you take it so well, baby. A tight little throat just for me.”
Your nipples tighten under your bra, clit throbbing with need. You’re so wet, you can feel it leaking down your thighs now. Torn between wanting to leave to touch yourself or watch Leon finish, you ultimately want to see him come undone. 
“Gonna cum all over that cute face, sweetheart,” Leon moans out, thrusting his hips harder as his hand strokes faster. 
Leon’s head lolls back on the couch, eyes closed as he strokes himself faster to completion.
“Yes, fuck,” he groans, low and deep, as ropes of cum spurt across his abs and chest, coating himself in white sticky strands. 
Your pussy flutters, aching and throbbing— needing something in your wet hole. Eyes darting up to his blissed out expression, his own eyes thankfully closed, you quietly tiptoe backwards to the front door. 
You pick your bag up off of the floor and pull the half open door completely open and walk out. You softly shut the door and lean back against it, blowing out a harsh breath.
You really don’t know how you’re going to react when you look Leon in the face, but I guess that’s just something you’ll wing when you get to it. 
Giving yourself several minutes to calm down, you finally re enter the apartment acting like it’s the first time. 
“Heey I’m home!” You yell, a little louder than usual, but you really hope Leon hears you this time. 
“Oh uh, hey,” you hear Leon call back, voice nervous, “you’re home early.”
“Yep!” you take more time than usual to close and lock the door behind you, dropping your bag in the floor near the coatrack. 
“Cool, I haven’t ordered the pizza if you wanna go ahead. I’m actually gonna grab a quick shower,” you can hear his voice get further away as he walks deeper into the apartment. 
You listen for the bathroom door to shut and once your hear it, you let out a relieved sigh. Opening up your phone, you just order the usual Friday night spiel and walk to your bedroom. 
Once inside, you close and lock the door. You shed your clothes like they’re on fire and quickly climb into your bed. This isn’t your usual way of doing things, but your brain is a little too fried to think outside of the image of Leon’s thick cock. 
You grab a pillow you only use as decoration and swing a leg over it as you kneel on top of it. Rocking your hips down, your clit grinds against the fabric and makes you whimper. Slick is steadily dripping from your needy hole as you hump your pillow, imagining Leon in its place. 
Using one hand to keep the pillow steady, your other hand comes up to tease and pinch at your nipples, shooting bolts of pleasure straight to your clit making you cry out softly. 
“Leon,” you whimper, rolling your nipples between your fingers. 
You rock against the pillow faster, already so close just from watching Leon earlier, dragging your wet sensitive clit over and over the coarse pillowcase. 
“God, ‘m gonna cum,” you whine out loud, eyelashes kissing your cheeks as your hips stutter and grind down, cumming so quickly it makes your thighs spasm. 
Slick covers your pillow as you shakily let your hips drop down to sit. Your clit pulses with aftershocks while you pant to catch your breath. 
“Fuck,” you whisper to yourself, flopping down onto your bed and pushing your used pillow into the floor. 
Your phone dings and you lazily grab it from your nightstand and look at the notification, reading that the pizza delivery is on its way. 
Pushing yourself up, you get out of bed and go to throw on some ratty pajamas when you pause. 
You pull out a sleeker, prettier matching pj set—a thin teasing top with matching  shorts. Deciding to try your luck, you put them on and give yourself a once over in the mirror. You fluff your hair and apply a quick layer of gloss on your lips, puckering them at the mirror before grinning at yourself. 
Spinning around, you make your way out of your room and into the shared living space hoping to, subtly, grab Leon’s attention as you hang out for the night. 
It works or at least maybe it does—it could be you’re looking too much into things; frowning to yourself, you shake your head and go back to relaxing on the couch. The pizza’s long since gone and now you’ve been chilling in the living room, watching b-rate horror flicks and chatting. You at least think Leon has been looking at you when you weren’t paying attention, but it’s hard to say when you’re not paying attention.  
You sigh out loud and cross your legs. 
“Something the matter?”
You start and turn to Leon with a sheepish smile, “Yeah just thinking.”
He squints his eyes at you, “Mmhmm.”
You laugh this time and kick out your foot to push his knee with your toes, “Fuck off, it’s nothing important.”
He grabs your foot and presses his thumb in the arch making you suck in a sharp breath. 
“You’ve been on your feet all day, haven’t you?” he asks, eyes looking down to his hands now rubbing your foot. 
You feel like melting into the couch cushions, a hot coil of want slowly unraveling in your belly. 
“Yeah,” you say quietly, “was a long day.”
His brow pinches as he looks back up to you, “Did you talk to your boss about—“
You groan and flop back into the couch arm, kicking your other foot up into Leon’s lap, “Yes, mom. I talked to him and he said until we can hire a replacement, that we’re all just gonna have to ‘do our best for the team’.”
You roll your eyes and grumble, “Like he even does anything more than clock in.”
Leon grabs your other foot and traces along the arch, “I can go talk to’em if you need me to.”
Your smile spreads across your face, “You really would, wouldn’t you? You’re so sweet, Leon.”
His blue eyes drag up from your legs and skimpy sleep shorts, across your body with the nearly sheer top, to look up into your face, “You need someone to take care of you from the sounds of it.”
You gasp out loud at that and Leon wraps his hands around your calves, yanking you down the couch til your ass lands in his lap. 
“Hoping I would notice your slutty little getup, honey?” his smoky voice murmurs in your ear, snapping the band of your shorts, “trying to show me what I’m missing out on, huh?”
Your head spins from the complete 180 Leon is pulling, but you feel a thrill run down your spine.
“Just wanted to feel pretty,” you say, feeling hot all over, hands plucking at the hem of his shirt. 
“So pretty, baby,” he affirms, hands running up your calves to your splayed thighs, thumbs softy grazing your skin. 
His hands slide from your thighs, up your hips to pet at your sides. 
“Heard you get off earlier too, honey,” he whispers hotly in your ear, “walls are thinner than you think.”
You lean back to look him in the eye, “B-but how? I thought you were in the shower.”
He grins at you, “I forgot something so I stepped out to grab it. Not like it’s the first time hearing you anyway.”
Embarrassment makes you squirm on his lap, ducking your head down, “I didn’t know.”
“Sure, baby,” he kisses your jaw, fingers dipping below the band of your shorts and panties, fingers finding your leaking hole and slowly sinking into your pussy. 
“Leon!” You cry out, spine arching until your chest is pressed against him. 
“How d’you think I don’t hear you?” He rumbles, making your nipples stiffen in your shirt, “stuffing your fingers in that needy fucking cunt night after night.”
You gasp, hips rocking down into his fingers, pussy clenching around the digits. 
“M sorry,” you hiccup, eyes watering, “I’ll do better.”
“Yeah you will,” he rubs his thumb across your swollen clit, “cause I’m gonna start giving this little pussy what she needs, whenever and wherever I want. Sound good?”
“Leon,” you whimper, hands grabbing at his forearms, tendons flexing as he keeps finger fucking you on the couch. 
“Seems like every night, I’m in my room stripping my cock raw from those hot breathy moans you make,” he murmurs in your ear, low and smoky, “wore my fleshlight out the first month you moved in, baby.”
Your eyes rolls back as slick leaks from your pussy all over his hand. 
“Like that huh,” he laughs, tongue dipping in your ear before he places a wet kiss on the shell, “s’true, never made such a mess til you moved in, always fucking into that fake pussy thinking of yours.”
You moan high in your throat, “Leon, please, want you so much.”
“Yeah? Y’sure? Don’t want me using my toy, want me in this needy cunt?”
“Yes, yes,” you grind your hips down harder, his fingers stretching your hole open, “want it so bad.”
You whine and tug at his wrist til he finally slides his fingers out of your drenched pussy.
“Gonna give it to you sweetheart,” he promises you, eyes heated and dark, “gonna fuck you open right here, and then I’m gonna bend you over that kitchen counter and eat your pretty pussy til you cry for me.”
“Leon!” You gasp wantonly, “in me please. Wanna feel you.”
He pulls out his hard cock, smacking the head against your clit, making your hips jump. 
“Sit on me, want you to ride me baby,” he grins, guiding his dick into your drippy hole but not pressing in any further. 
You whimper and rock your hips, easing down his thick cock inch by inch until you’re sitting flush against him. He’s so deep in your pussy, it feels like he’s in your throat. You moan as he grinds up into you, fingers pinching and tugging at your hard nipples. 
“Mmm just like that baby, feel so much better than that plastic pussy,” he groans, twisting your nipples until you’re whining, “god, love the sounds you make.”
Pulling his hands away, he slaps across your breasts making your back arch your chest towards him. 
“Leon,” you mewl, tears slipping from your eyes because of the sting.
“I know,” he soothes, slapping across your tits again, “feels good doesn’t it, baby?”
You dig your nails into his big biceps, bouncing down in his lap to stuff his cock repeatedly into your hole. 
He slaps across each hard nipple until they’re puffy and swollen. You moan and hump down on him harder, the pain bleeding into pleasure and making you even wetter. One hand dips between your bodies to softly rub across your clit; he drags his fingers lower to stroke your pussy lips, getting his fingertips wet and dragging them back up to circle around your swollen bud. 
“Greedy little thing aren’t ya, honey?” he laughs deep in his chest, “c’mon ride me a little harder, baby.”
He moves both of his hands down to grab the fat of your ass and fuck up harder into your clenching pussy. 
“Leon,” you moan, fingers digging into the tense muscles on his shoulders, “gonna cum.”
“Already?” he scoffs, “pretty easy cunt ya got here then, sweetheart.”
You cry out, the sound of skin slapping and your pussy squelching from his rapid thrusts are so loud in the small living room, making your walls flutter and clamp down on his pistoning cock. 
“Wanna cum,” you sloppily kiss down Leon’s jaw to his neck, sucking a bruise into his skin, “want you to cum with me.”
Leon groans, sounding pained, “Sure, honey. Where do you want it?”
“My mouth,” you pant out quickly, “cum in my mouth, please.”
“Fuck,” he laughs choppily, “okay then sweetheart. I’ll cream your little throat.”
You whine and rock your hips down faster, “Yes, yes, Leon, so good.”
One hand moves to your hip to help you keep up a quick rhythm and the other goes back to rubbing and flicking your sensitive clit. 
“C’mon, honey, cum on my cock so I can fill that pretty mouth,” he smirks and shakes the hair out of his face, “you can do it, be a good girl and cum for me.”
Leon bottoms out in your pussy and just grinds against your g-spot as he teases and pinches your clit; your thighs lock up as your orgasm washes over you, pussy clamping down and milking his cock, clit throbbing under his thumb as he keeps up the slow steady circles on the sensitive nerves. 
“Good girl, good girl just for me,” he noses your hairline, feeling your body shake as he overstims your clit, “get in the floor, honey, ‘m ready for you to swallow this load.”
You moan and arch up, begrudgingly pulling yourself off of his dick so you can kneel between his thighs on the floor. 
“Want it, Leon,” your glazed eyes peer up at him, watching as he fists his cock in front of your mouth. 
“Oh you’re gonna get it, baby,” he grunts, “open that fucking mouth.”
You part you lips and loll your tongue out, whining when you feel hot spurts of jizz land on your tongue and lips. 
“Fuck that’s it,” he groans, watching you with sea dark eyes, hand slowly stroking his dick, feeding each spurt of cum into your open, eager mouth. 
You moan, the sound garbled from the cum pooling on your tongue and sliding down your throat. 
With one last groan, he lets go of his twitching cock. You watch as it droops, a drop of cum beading on the fat tip making you duck froward to lap at the head. 
“Baby,” he hisses, “a little early for me to go again,” he laughs and rubs his thumb across your bottom lip. 
Your tongue darts out to lap at his thumb, “S’good though?”
“The best, sweetheart,” he leans down to pull you up in his lap, “can’t wait to taste you later.”
You sigh, eyes drooping in pleasure. Guess that pajama set really did work out in your favor. 
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uyuforu · 3 months
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Uyu's Astro Observations IV
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Some observations are +18
ᯓ★ Do I have playlists for every mood ever or do I just have Leo placements?
ᯓ★ Boda conjunct Boda in Solar Return Synastry... you are either getting proposed or getting married lol.
ᯓ★ Vertex is so important in any chart, look at it always please!
ᯓ★ I was wondering why people found Jack Harlow so attractive with the way he talks, and I found out he has 3H Leo lol! True rizz placement.
ᯓ★ Erda (894) is an asteroid that tells you about your past life. So Erda conjunct Erda in synastry means you were def in each other's past life and played an important role towards each other.
ᯓ★ I'm studying Transits these days, and the day I met my FS, I had North Node in 7H, he had Sun, Mercury and Venus in his 5H. His Groom was also conjuncting his DSC. My Moon was also exactly conjuncting my IC.
ᯓ★ Boda in 7H synastry: Boda person could want to marry 7H person and is most likely to propose in the future.
ᯓ★ Also, Jack Harlow has Ceres conjunct Mercury, this could explain also why he is so smooth with the way he speaks to people.
ᯓ★ Sun in 7H in Solar Return Synastry means this person wants to marry 7H person, and may realize it this year, or propose. If Saturn is also there, something is blocking this union, and this person may see obstacles.
ᯓ★ Your Neptune & Venus falling in another person's 11H in Solar Return Synastry means you are stalking their social medias a lot this year because you have crush lol.
ᯓ★ If your Neptune & Venus fall in your person's 8H, you are obsessed with them, you can't stop thinking about them and fantasizing about them either. Might also stalk.
ᯓ★ Mars in 1H synastry... Mars person wants to do 1H person so bad.
ᯓ★ If you have Boda falling in another person's 3H in Solar Return Synastry, you might propose to them this year. Or you will want to.
ᯓ★ Vertex conjuncts Vertex in Solar Return Synastry means something will happen this year between you two that will change your life forever. The themes are the houses where the Vertex are. For ex: 5H for both means you can enter in a relationship, or get engaged, or have a baby...
ᯓ★ The year I wasn't working, I had Saturn 10H in Solar Return.
ᯓ★ In the same Solar Return, I had Moon Scorpio 20°, I was depressed, I did tons of tattoos and dressed in black every time. I was looking very cold and detached too.
ᯓ★ This Solar Return I met my FS, Groom conjuncted Vertex this year.
ᯓ★ Also, Groom conjuncted Vertex in the 6H, and this meeting forced me to realize my toxic patterns and heal myself. It was the start of a healing journey.
ᯓ★ Any years I had a toxic relationship, I always had Venus 8H in my SRC.
ᯓ★ Gemini Moon in 8H is an insane placement, people like that can really get in dark places when they overthink or are depressed. Their mind can be scary for other people. But those people need the most help in the end.
ᯓ★ While Vertex 5H means you want and will have children, Chiron in 5H means you are scared to have children, some traumas will prevent you from having some.
ᯓ★ Juno/ Groom/ Briede conjunct Jupiter means your FS will make you very happy, and cheer you up. They will bring you sunshine. You will feel more lucky after marriage.
ᯓ★ Juno/ Groom/ Briede conjunct Pluto means they will totally transform your life. If it is in the 6H, it means this person will heal you, despite that it can be scary for you.
ᯓ★ Vertex PC will tell you way more about your destiny. Check it to see the whole ride.
ᯓ★ Asteroid Kreusa (488) can mean where you escape in life, how you escape, and what you abandoned, what abandoned you. It's a theory of mine since the asteroid never had an observation before. I checked it for me and my friends and it is in fact a verified theory! Give credits for @uyuforu on this one please!
ᯓ★ I noticed my MC PC and Briede PC looks very much the same, and I have Sun & Mercury Capricorn in my Briede PC, I'm gonna be the leader in that marriage lmao.
ᯓ★ In my Boda PC, Part of Fortune conjunct Union, meaning a lucky marriage that will make both of us happy.
ᯓ★ I also have DNA asteroid (55555) in my 7H in my Boda PC, there are high chance to be pregnant when I marry...
ᯓ★ Moreover, my FS has Vertex 5H in his Boda PC, so the child theory for the wedding can be very true lol...
ᯓ★ In the Child PC, my FS has a stellium in 7H and Boda is inside of it ;-;
ᯓ★ If we continue on the child theory, my FS has DNA asteroid in his 7H of Groom PC, he also has Juno and Vertex there, so it's reassuring lol!
ᯓ★ Juno 7H in Groom/ or Briede PC means you marry your destined person. My FS has Juno 7H in his Groom PC, and I have Juno 7H in my Briede PC. We will both think we married "the one".
ᯓ★ Saturn in 10H transits is a hard time to find a job... or to get a promotion.
ᯓ★ Last thing about Jack Harlow: he kept saying he wants 8 children, so I checked his chart. Vertex 5H lmao, am I shocked?
ᯓ★ I lied, it wasn't the last thing about Jack. He also said he was into sweet girls. I am not shocked, he has Briede Cancer. He will def marry a sweet girl.
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meanbossart · 4 months
Note
i just need to take a second to gush about how much i love durge drow and astarion, they feel so fleshed out and perfectly written together in their fucked up wretched ways. They really inspire me to write more for my own tavs, hopefully one day ill be able to say im as happy with my own work as i get when seeing yours. I have to ask though, do you have any tips on drawing head shapes and faces? or maybe about wrinkles? i find i really struggle with that stuff when drawing and i adore how expressive and grungey all your art looks!
First of all thank you so much, I love hearing what people think of the two of them together 😭
Honestly you've hit on something that's quite near and dear to my heart, I love developing and figuring how to draw and stylize different faces to get the most unique, interesting looking results - everything about the details is highly rewarding to me. What does x type of nose look like from this angle? In this style? How can this eyeshape best translate to my art? How different does a face look when its making this expression? What does that MOUTH DO? etc etc.
In fact you kind of inspired me to put a little tutorial/guide together the last hour lmao and what a blessing it is that the two current subjects of this blog serve as great models here, being that their faces are basically polar opposites!
When it comes to heads, you've probably heard it a dozen times before that you want to think of them in terms of geometry and facets; my process to drawing them is pretty conventional so I won't spend too much time on it, but it goes something like this:
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Obviously I don't do every single one of these steps most of the time, which is just something that comes from practice/developing muscle memory, but it is helpful to start off this way for two main reasons:
By making these guide lines and splitting a head into pieces like this, you'll have an easier time seeing and understanding it as a multidimensional object, and in turn, facilitate It for you when you venture out into doing wacky angles and lighting.
Making different headshapes starts HERE. notice how Astarion's "face" slate is narrower and longer, how my durge's jaw pieces sit lower on the head, how all of the same pieces came together in the same way but we ended up with one real pointy elf and a real brick of a drow - making characters look different successfully begins very early in the sketching process.
The next thing you want to do branches out into every day life: start noticing yours and other people's facial features. How does an upturned nose look from a high angle? How does the size of someone's cheekbones affect what they look like when they smile? How about when the light hits them a certain way? Does someone's lip shape changes when they pout? When they laugh? How does a person's hairline change the shape of their face? You do NOT need to creepily sketch every stranger you see on the bus, but get into the habit of actually noticing what people look like when you talk to them - when you look at pictures, when you watch movies - make a mental list of interesting ways mouths, noses, and eyes can come together in a variety of different proportions to make completely distinct looking mugs, and how they change depending on how you are looking at them.
Light and shadow play a HUGE role in how faces look, too, basically as crucial as actual bone structure does. As you see up there I tried to rough out how natural, head on, and underhead light would look on these two very different looking guys, and while we can see definite patterns, there are small differences that come to be because of the sizes and shapes of their features.
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Here is a very, very basic look at how some of these features come to look the way they do, how they interact with one another, and how they compare between a blocky, rather conventionally "masculine" head and one that's much softer and slimmer.
Note please that it is not one or two characteristics that give a chaarcter their "look"; you can reduce a face to eyes, mouth, and nose through stylization and still have them be recognizable, but if you want to do more than that, you have to consider the whole package! Chin, cheeks, brows, direction of the jaw, slope and size of the forehead, depth of eyes, ridge of the nose, etc - I know this is probably far more than you bargained for, but if you start making note of a FEW of these things now and slowly add on, this will eventually become second nature to you.
Similarly, understanding how these characteristics come together will help you with rendering light and shadow in a realistic way, and predicting what their facial expressions may look like - if no two people are alike, neither are their smiles. :)
Lastly, remember that I'm no expert - I have developed my own methods and semiotics and yours may look slightly (or vastly) different, and that's fine! I hope only that by sharing this it has given you a base to work off of.
Anyways, I HOPE this has been helpful and not just the unsolicited ramblings of a face pervert.
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aluciahaz · 3 months
Note
i love finding new authors who i can tell are good as hell at writing 😭😭 anywho,, bottom!alastor x gn!reader? I like to think he's very shy about intimacy, so perhaps gentle sex with him? (+ if you can add sensitive al :3 )
a/n— ahhh thank you!!! i try my best lmao
but im SOO SORRY THIS FIC IS like probably not completely what you asked for 😭 writing for alastor is way harder than i thought but i super tried i swear!! im just not good at writing soft fics 😭😭 i hope you enjoy it though!!
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memories in this second life
— alastor x gn!reader
— includes : smut, bottom!alastor, dom!reader, very soft times, sensitive alastor
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you know alastor’s mannerisms. his smile may be unwavering, but the rest of his body was not.
you can notice his nervousness from the slight twitch in his ears to the subtle change in his static, randomly increasing and lowering in small increments. it was hardly noticeable, anyone who didn’t know his static patterns would never be able to tell.
but you know.
you cup his face with a delicate kiss to his nose as a gift, making his eyes come in contact with your own gaze instead of the floor.
“nervous?” you ask, smiling gently as he melts into your touch. he gives you a nervous chuckle in response, placing his hand on top of the one on his face with similar tenderness.
“perhaps,” he says coyly, as though you can’t notice how his eyes would shift away from yours once more.
you run your other hand through the red tufts of his hair, your fingers scratching the base of his ears. soon, he pinned them back, letting you pet his hair as you pepper kisses over his slender neck.
soon, his meekness seemed to dissipate as the night continued. he was quite sensitive, whimpering at the slightest touches to his cock and practically keening from your hand, your slow strokes slowly making his voice crack like a faulty radio.
“you ready?” you ask as your fingers rest against his entrance lightly, his legs trembling in anticipation.
“as i’ll ever be, dear,” he says with a smile, only to soon weaken as a moan slips past his lips with the sudden feeling of your finger pressing inside him.
you’re delighted to see how well alastor takes it, his ears still pressing back against his head as he arches into the pillows behind him. his hands, once tearing at the blankets, made their way over his mouth, covering his lovely noises. still shy, huh?
you click your tongue in disapproval before driving your fingers to the sweet spot inside of him as you lift his hands away from his face.
his eyes fluttered open, his mouth in a surprised smile as he gasps. there was a beauty to his disheveled hair and dusted red face, but the sugar on the cream was that you could now hear his voice without him muffling it.
and for once, there was no static.
“…mind doing that again?” alastor asks quietly, feigning composure when in reality his body spoke the truth. who could ignore such a prominent blush?
you weren’t one to deny someone so sweet. so again and again, you press that spot so foreign to the man until the feeling is engrained into his mind like english on his tongue.
later on, your fingers leave, and instead you’re the one moving inside of him, his legs wrapping around you with one hand clawing at the unfortunate sheets below him, the other intertwined with your own in a loving embrace.
“how does it feel?” you ask between breaths, looking down at your lover below you. you can’t hide the amused smile on your face as you watch him tremble underneath you, unable speak without a whine slipping between his words.
“good—ah, good—!” his cries were his voice, not the radio demon’s, no, just alastor’s. the static that accompanied his speech had become so normal that you barely ever noticed anymore, but with it gone, you can really appreciate his sweet tone. the way he says your name with such need, how he cries at each slow thrust.
this voice in particular was made for your ears, not radio.
“ha—close, darling, close—!” he moans, wanton and desperate for release. but more importantly, you. your lips taste like love, and your hand feels like bliss. it was overwhelming, this feeling, but so right at the same time.
soon, with a stuttered wail, he finally finishes, his eyes briefly rolling back in ecstasy. your other hand feels his tighten around yours like he was scared of letting you go, and you squeeze it back in assurance.
“i’m here, i’m here…” you whisper, your strokes around his cock slowing down as you let him come down from his high. his back falls back down to the mattress from its arched state as he tries to compose his thoughts. you try to pull out, only to be stopped with a hand on your shoulder and a shake of the head from your lover beneath you.
you kiss his forehead, chuckling at his behavior. “how was it?” you murmur, brushing his hair out of his eyes.
he glances up at you for a brief moment.
“…quite nice, actually.”
his words are practically inaudible as he speaks, still trying to steady his breathing.
the two of you stay like that for awhile, engulfed in each other’s presence as you quietly chatter about meaningless things, yet filled with mutual love. brief moments like this were truly precious, and both of you held it dear to your hearts even when the night closed your eyes and morning opens them.
welcoming the both of you to a new day to create more memories in this second life.
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a/n — sorry that this isn’t that creative??? i couldnt think of any good metaphors or similes like my last fic 💀 also apologies for it being so long as well, i kind of got off track 😭
— tags : @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx
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klmp11s · 10 days
Note
Heyyyyy, could I request Malleus, Jack, Idia, and Floyd with a reader who can and will pick them up? (I tried to pick some of the tallest characters)
(English is not my first language, sorry for any mistakes)
Summary: twst boys with reader who can and will pick them up Characters: Jack Howl, Floyd Leech, Idia Shroud, Malleus Draconia Warning: Strong male!reader, Established relationships, ooc(?), hcs
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Jack Howl
Okay, he's shocked Like you just.. picked HIM up like he weighed nothing?? What?? Okay, it doesn’t matter at all how tall you are, he will feel his face burning in any case. I think he could feign displeasure and ask you to put him down, but he definitely won't say anything against it if you don't. PLEASE don't pick him up in front of other freshmen or people from his dorm. He will be ready to burn with embarrassment I'm not 110% sure that his tail will literally become a propeller lol AND HE WILL NOT LIKE IT He might even get used to this “habit” of yours over time. He will definitely stop paying much attention to your actions, like, yes, you do this literally every chance you get, he knows Having gone through literally all stages of acceptance, he definitely realizes that he likes it. Like, his loved one is next to him and maintains physical contact in a way that is comfortable for him, isn’t that good? He wouldn't directly ask you to pick him up. Nope, but he could definitely give long glances at your hands, be closer than usual, etc. Like, yes, he loves you, but you have to understand for yourself what he needs, it’s too embarrassing for him to say directly, you know?
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Floyd Leech
LMAO YOUR MISTAKE, CONGRATULATIONS, NOW YOU CAN'T GET AWAY FROM HIM 🤗 Like, you've already walked on thin ice with your ways of showing affection, but take him in your arms - he's ready to get down on one knee with a ring in his hand (I'm pretty sure there's a cartoon eel on the ring lol) Now you MUST carry him everywhere, you must pick him up and carry him wherever HE wants, no matter the time or place. He is literally ready to jump into your arms both in the middle of a crowded corridor and at some “important” event Is he in a bad mood? You have to take him where he wants to go. Is he in a good mood? You take him wherever he wants and he arranges a casual date for you. He also doesn't care at all who sees the two of you. Azul and Jade? They see this picture every day. One of the teachers? And what can they do to him? Just some random student? He didn't even notice him. If you pick him up from some boring class, he literally won't shut up for the rest of your "trip" I hope you're glad you have hand day every day now, because Floyd isn't going to give you a break after you've demonstrated what you can do.
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Idia Shroud
LMAO WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO PICK HIM UP? FROM COMPUTER DESK TO BED? You're right, now he's completely confused, confused and doesn't know what to do in this situation. Okay, maybe he's dreaming? As you continue to tell him about your day, still holding him in your arms, it dawns on him that this doesn't feel like a dream at all. Oh. OH WAIT WHAT- Now for a week he definitely avoids coming close to you. He loves you, but please give him a few working days to come to his senses after this. Okay, now you use it against him. Has it already passed midnight? Take him in your arms and carry him to bed. What can he do to you? At first, he definitely showed his dissatisfaction, but soon he already accepted his fate and even waited for the time when you would come to him. He would definitely fall asleep in your arms a couple of times. You know, the state when you are so tired that all you want is, no matter where, to sleep for several hours in a row I dare say that his sleep pattern is literally based on your habit. By the way you come to his room, he can tell that in half an hour he will already be lying in bed with you in your arms.
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Malleus Draconia
He's in love I'm not kidding, you constantly surprise him, don't you? He's never been treated like this, and now you, the man he's head over heels in love with, just pick him up and pick him up? He doesn't even know what to do in such situations. He could definitely ask you to pick him up next time. I don't think he would ASK you to pick him up, but it's not like he's against the idea, you know? This is unusual and however he does not feel uncomfortable, so if you want this, he is always for it. He doesn't care if other students see you. But believe me, if Sebek sees you two, you will HEAR HIM first and only then will he appear in your field of vision lol He is definitely the only one of this group who will take your actions completely calmly. Like, yes, this is unusual, but also nothing completely “out of the ordinary” happened, right? If you carry him in your arms during your nightly dates, he will be on the verge 🤏 to resist the desire to propose to you. I mean: you, your beautiful face in the moonlight, the silence of the night, your calm voice and loving gaze that is directed only at him? Darling, he falls in love with you even more
The characters do not belong to me, they belong to their rightful owners, please do not edit, translate, repost my works on other platforms, also without my permission and @
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paisleypens · 7 days
Note
Hello! I hope you’re having a good day. I heard you were taking requests so I have an idea!!
How about a Spencer Reid x Fem!shy!reader who is really quiet around the team? And so she doesn’t talk to them much? (Especially Spencer because she likes him!)
So to show her love/affection she does small things for him but doesn’t admit she was the one who did so. (Like making his coffee, secretly organizing his desk, like little kind things)
I want the confession to happen but I don’t know how I want it so you can decide! Have a little fun with it if you will.
I hope you can write this, and I’m so so sorry if it’s something you don’t want to write or feel uncomfortable with it. I just wanted to give you an idea for a story! Let me know if you don’t want to or if you will either way is fine with me!
I’m sorry if I didn’t include enough details and thank you for taking the time to read this!
Have a lovely day. 💕
(ALSO I READ YOUR OTHER SPENCER STORIES THEY WERE SPECTACULAR)
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH STOP IT MOST POLITE ASK EVERRR
this is genius btw and ive been writing so much to avoid things i actually have to do so… THANK YOU FOR FEEDING ME LMAO
acts of service | spencer reid x f!reader
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let me know what you think <33
~~~~
The BAU office buzzed with its usual energy as Spencer Reid meticulously poured over case files, his mind racing through complex connections only he could decipher. Among the team, a shy figure often went unnoticed, working hard behind the scenes. Y/N, the quiet and reserved member of the team, kept to herself, her actions speaking volumes that words couldn't describe.
Spencer often found his desk mysteriously tidied up, papers organized, and his favorite pens neatly arranged. Coffee appeared magically beside his laptop, always sickeningly sweet, just how he liked it. At first, he attributed it to the office fairy, a playful term Morgan coined. However, as time passed and the small acts of service continued, Spencer couldn't ignore the pattern.
One evening, as the team gathered after a long day, Derek leaned back in his chair, eyes glinting with mischief. "Hey, pretty boy, you ever notice how Y/N here keeps your world in order without saying a word?"
"What do you mean?" Spencer furrowed his brow, glancing at her, who was discreetly arranging files nearby.
Derek chuckled, nudging Spencer. "Come on, Reid. The coffee, the desk, all those little things. It's like having a secret admirer right under your nose."
Spencer's gaze softened as realization dawned on him. He watched you for a moment, noticing the slight blush that dusted her cheeks as she worked. In that moment, he saw beyond the quiet demeanor, understanding the depth of these silent gestures.
The next morning, Spencer arrived at the office earlier than usual, a determined gleam in his eyes. He set about making coffee, meticulously following Y/N’s routine, ensuring every detail was perfect. As she entered, surprised to see him there, he offered a shy smile, holding out a mug of freshly brewed coffee.
"Morning," he greeted softly, his usually fast-paced words slowed by a newfound nervousness.
Y/N blinked in astonishment, taking the mug from his outstretched hand. "Th-thank you, Spencer.”
He nodded, his cheeks tinged with pink. "I just wanted to say... I appreciate everything you do. Your actions speak louder than words, and they haven't gone unnoticed, I just hope you meant it in the way I interpreted it."
A smile bloomed on her face, warmth spreading through her chest. Finally feeling understood, she replied, "I like you too, Spencer. And not just for the coffee."
From that day forward, Spencer and Y/N shared more than just a quiet understanding. Silent acts of love were now met with drawn out conversation and reciprocated gestures, creating a bond that spoke volumes even when rooted in the absence of sound.
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hotdogdynamitezzz · 1 year
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~ Astro Observations ~
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Saturn is known as the protector planet as it rules over barriers, restrictions, delays, limits & any protection that can be forced. Look at your chart to see where you will experience the most setbacks yet are protected. For instance, I've noticed someone with Saturn in the 6th house is very hard working and often puts in twice the work to get places, but they can experience setbacks with their colleagues nitpicking or criticizing them. But they are usually protected, their hard work pays off, or they always thrive. I see A LOT of famous people with Saturn in the 6th house.
Libra risings like people who are like themselves or else they completely avoid those who are obnoxious and aggressive as it appalls them. Yet, I commonly see them drawing in these individuals at the same time. Best rising for enemies to lovers as the main protagonist just doing their thing unbothered until an aries rising shows up lmao.
I notice the type of people we are attracted to reflect our 1st or 7th house in some way. For instance I have Venus in 1st and I always attract Aries rising & Mars in 1st house people. I noticed the same for someone who had Moon in their 1st house commonly attracting Capricorn risings or those with Saturn in their 1st house.
The sun sign is actually very important in your chart and isn't just some hocus pocus bogus crap found in magazine horoscopes. From my observations I've developed a theory that Mutable signs adapt using their sun signs qualities they usually start off HATING but find it necessary to utilize for their own personal power. Cardinal Signs seem to dislike their sun signs qualities and chase after everything using THE OPPOSITE qualities of their sign. It's when they use their sun signs qualities to their advantage they will find their initiations successful. While fixed signs struggle the most to master their own sun signs qualities as it sticks with them through and through, they relate the most to their sun sign as these qualities are something inate they use to identify themselves. However, they struggle to figure out how to use their qualities in a positive light as they can easily get stuck in a cycle.
Ex, a lot of Virgo euns hated cleaning or organizing themselves using lists as they were younger but later adapted because of the many health problems this sign usually experiences so found it necessary
Ex, Cancer suns tend to ignore their emotions and lash out at others being deemed insensitive so they focus on Detachment when really they should be utilizing their magnetism and intuition through human connection as they are the sign with the most power over others emotions.
Ex, Aquarius suns struggle with seeing the use of collaboration with others opinions and applying their innovative thoughts towards real life skills. They can get stuck in a constant pattern of not feeling accepted or heard. But mastering their creative thinking and differences to use positively will give them the most recognition.
Conclusion:
Mutable sun sign = Adapting to your Qualities
Cardinal sun sign = initiating your Qualities.
Fixed sun sign = Mastering your Qualities.
This is also why imo it's the hardest to spot a mutable sun sign as they're usually farther away from Adapting to their sun signs qualities until they've gotten more experience in life. Usually looking at the general themes in their life can help you identify them the easier.
Ex, Gemini suns are focused on developing communication skills and confidence in their socializing capabilities.
Ex, Pisces suns usually deals with people taking their dreams for granted and is most likely influenced by a harsh or strict environment.
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In Solar Return Charts the most common house placements tend to be the 1st House, 6th House, 7th House and 10th House. ESPECIALLY 1ST & 6TH HOUSE! This is because most of our years are focused on the tangible and everyday aspects of our lives which is ruled by the 6th house, our public person and career is the 10th House, and focusing on ourselves is our 1st House.
If you're a student I frequently see 3rd, 5th, 6th, 8th & 9th Houses filled in solar return charts. The 3rd/5th/9th Houses are all about acquiring skills, learning from what's in front of you, hobbies and pleasure, and higher knowledge or lessons to be taught that bring about movement in your life. I also included 6th house because that's our daily life + physical health while the 8th house is about our mental health so it makes sense why students often have that house filled...
Wanna find out how to turn your creative thinking into a weapon and utilize it for success? Pallas (2) can show what you're naturally gifted at intellectually.
Pallas is the asteroid representing Athena goddess of war, strategy, knowledge & creative thinking. I've seen this asteroid work wonders tbh. My friend has it in Libra 12th House and she's a visual artist mastermind. She can piece any aesthetic or visual together like a puzzle.
If you want to manifest any desires, look at your 11th house! This house rules our wishes and what is rewarded after we've put hard work into it. Finding direction will be much easier to achieve if you look at your 11th house and what it's telling you to work for. Basically I've seen Pluto in 11th = earning power over people, Saturn in 11th = earning respect and titles, Venus in 11th = earning love or money (wealth indicator), Neptune in 11th = earning a prophecy, deep undivided loyalty & glamour, Mercury in 11th = earning your name to be widespread, knowledge & fast results.
I'd say Mercury in the 11th is a big "viral celebrity" placement as they can easily do something and everyone knows their name overnight. Also good for scholars!
The 12th house is also known as the house of Loss. Your planets, sign & rulership could determine what you end up sacrificing or leaving behind. For example, Cancer in 12th could often leave their homes or roots, they usually experience family loss early too. Scorpio in 12th house loses their fear, finances & secrets easily (beware of who you let talk to you). And Sagittarius in 12th house can lose their freedom, knowledge acquired, and faith in others.
The most copied people tend to be Scorpio risings, Pisces risings, Pluto in 1st house, Neptune in 1st house and 12th House placements. That's because with Scorpio energy in the 1st house their identity is literally exploited and used for power dynamics (legit had my friend catfished a bit ago and she has an 8° sag rising with Pluto in 1st conjunct her ascendant). And Pisces energy around the 1st House because people have no barriers with you and feel entitled to take your identity. It can almost feel like a sacrifice of themselves for Pisces rising or those with Neptune in 1st house (ex, Marilyn Monroe & Kim Kardashian, it's not a mistake they both have Neptune in 1st house).
Differences between the angular houses cuz I know we get these mixed up easily:
Your 1st house = How you identify yourself in the world.
Your 4th House = Your roots and how you grow into the world.
Your 7th House = How others identity you, your close connections.
Your 10th House = What you're known for, your reputation.
The houses of legacys are 4th, 8th & 10th. This is your history and how you make your mark on the world, how you will be remembered, and your title in the word.
8th house placements is what we knowingly gatekeep from the world, and the house rulership tells just as much if it's empty. Rich people usually have Jupiter in the 8th house because they are quite literally gatekeeping their wisdom, knowledge, gifts & MASS amounts of power. They also receive money randomly sometimes and have fabulous luck with stocks or investments.
Usually people with Moon in the 8th House tend to be reserved with their deepest emotions and family life. They can often take the longest to open up or trust others as they're used to being blackmailed or having their emotional security taken away from them.
Countries' rising signs MAKES A LOT OF SENSE. Russia has a Scorpio rising (known for intelligence agencies, spies, and cold environment...also destruction of the USSR), the USA has a Sagittarius rising (known for freedom, boldness & diversity...also aggression lol) & Britain is a Libra rising (country known for its fashion, etiquette and tea, its so libra LMAO)
Sun sextile Mars is the best aspect for a natural leader. You know how to utilize your individuality to stand out during competition and you also naturally bring out shining qualities in the people you lead. You take challenges to your ego with ease and although passionate you still remain assured and unbothered by threats. Also high sex drive is present here
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A lot of psychics have Moon sextile Neptune because they access otherworldly feelings subconsciously without blockages. And are both Water and Fire dominant. Water rules unconscious and flowing emotions, while Fire represents intuition and gut feelings hence "follow your heart" being their motto.
In general looking at your Moon placement is THE MOST important when figuring out your intuitive abilities as the Moon is the unconscious mind & your personal feelings and behavior. You could determine what suits you best with this!
Ex, Mercury aspecting Moon does well with Tarot & Oracle or any divination that requires pattern connections and using your hands
Ex, Pluto aspecting Moon might be able to talk to ancestors, spirits, and gain information about dangerous events
Ex, Venus aspecting Moon would be great for Glamour magic, Love spells, WEALTH MANIFESTATIONS, and herbalism!! TEA READINGS LOL
I need to stop with Libra & Tea �� istg Tea is ruled by Libra & Neptune BUT THATS JUST MY INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS COMING THRU.
I don't necessarily believe in everything I listed or think it's all good practices like Love magic but I wanted to help you develop an idea of how each planet can be connected for practical use.
I feel like Uranus is actually a hard planet to understand and sometimes value in everyday life because it's just so...out there LOL. Like it's described as sudden surprises, rebellion, electricity, revolution & eccentricity. It's just a hard planet to relate to in general because it's the opposite of conformity so applying it in your life is umm confusing to say the least lol.
Basically I look at Uranus as sudden ups & downs, where we grow FAST but where we get knocked down BAD too. I literally think cancel culture would be ruled by Uranus ngl LOL. It's unpredictable and awakens or shakes up whatever it aspects.
So Uranus aspecting Venus would cause a turbulent love life, a somewhat Detached or Hypersexual character, Very wealthy and a visionary in fashion or with money. But alsoooo struggles to maintain relationships or struggles A LOT with self love.
TW but I've often seen those with Uranus in 2nd & 6th House struggle the most with body dysmorphia and weight fluctuation. Your health can always spike up and down too. It's because these houses rule over our self-worth, body and physical health. Therefore, sometimes it can really shake your eating habits up which would obviously cause a struggle in your mental health.
However I've also seen some of the MOST inflated egos come from people with Uranus in 2nd House. Again the unpredictability and sudden Shockwave to your confidence with Uranus can literally make you feel like God or sunken. It's VERY drastic.
Oppositions to the Ascendant, also known as Conjunctions to the Descendant are qualities we possess that others DON'T accept us for and often make us feel insecure. Lilith Opposite Ascendant would probably be heavily shamed for their promiscuity and manipulative behavior. While Uranus opposite ascendant would be ridiculed for their Weirdness or Intelligence. People would label them as crazy lol�� (totally not me).
Also if you have Uranus aspecting the Ascendant or Mars you are VERY clumsy and accident prone LMAO�� your movements literally come off as a shockwave to others and everything around you. It's just one step and all of a sudden a whole clothing rack comes falling down. Uranus does rule Natural Disasters so...are we even surprised?
When looking at your Solar Return Chart it's not just Pluto to be concerned about BUT CHIRON. This asteroid is the wounded healer meaning it will detail the wounds you have to recover from and face that year. Chiron also highlights where we feel or are literally rejected so...check that fr.
The saddest Chiron placement imo is in the 1st & 4th House. Because your identity and self expression is rejected with the 1st house, while in the 4th house you could be outcasted by your own family and feel blocked put from any form of emotional security.
An example of what I think is a good example of significant Chiron energy would be Selena Gomez and her Venus conjunct Chiron at a 1° orb in Leo 1st house. Basically it shows up as her body being rejected, women rejecting her, and her own creative projects or indivuality feeling rejected. She probably is very self-deprecative because of this as she never feels her appearance or identity is good enough.
Chiron in 1st House people also get copied lots...just sayin
Women tend to be VERY jealous of those with Venus or Moon aspecting Chiron because they view that individual as wounding their views of femininity and project their insecurities onto them. The women with Venus/Moon aspecting Chiron placements are seen in general as being too vulnerable or soft which are stereotypical feminine qualities a lot of women can feel resentment towards brought on by the ✨️Patriarchy✨️
Marilyn Monroe also has Venus conjunct Chiron...��
So does Jessica Alba, Olivia Rodrigo and Kurt Cobain.
Their lovesick songs PLZ what's more Venus conjunct Chiron than that�� excluding miss Alba lol.
The same goes for women with Sun & Mars aspecting Chiron. Men are usually jealous of their success and degrade them because they see them as a threat to their masculinity.
Fun fact: The 4th House rules over the Father while the 10th house rules over the Mother in family astrology. Although I generally always saw the Moon sign as the most accurate representation of the maternal figure in your life but I found the above on astrology websites.
I also found some sources saying the 10th house actually rules your dominant parent? It's a whole debate on Google but it did say the 10th house rules the Mother in my astrology books so...idk I see it. Let me know in the comments your thoughts!
And to end this off, let me know your rising sign degree and I will try to guess your favorite colour to wear lol
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forgeofthenine · 6 months
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Hello there :) I just want to say that I love all of your work so far, it’s absolutely amazing :) if it’s okay please could I request headcanons of the Bachelor’s having a crush on a shy and insecure non tiefling reader 💙💙
Thank you so much! ♥️♥️♥️ I'm sorry it took me a while to get to your headcanons, but I hope you enjoy them! I also just got a new phone, so any extra typos are bc this new keyboard is screwing me over lmao
The bachelors with a shy and insecure reader
Dammon
Easily one of the best love interests for someone that's shy or insecure
Dammon is great at slowly easing people out of their shell, he pushes without going to far
He has patience too, even if it takes months for you to have a full conversation with him
Really, the man just likes seeing you act all shy, the way you flush with embarrassment is endearing
And, while the fact you're a non tiefling gives him pause at first, it's not really an issue for him
If anything it just means you won't pick up on the way his tail wags-
Dammon is so sweet about your insecurities
Depending on what they are, he'll either help you reach your goals or assure you that your wonderful
Both even and possibly at the same time
He's so big on praise and there doesn't go a day where Dammon doesn't compliment you in some way
Everything Dammon says is so sweet and genuine too
Zevlor
This lovely paladin would suit someone shy and insecure
Zevlor himself is quiet and reserved, and has dealt with his own share of insecurities throughout his life
He can see it in the way you act, what's going through your head
There's no way you can hide things from him, after years of being a hellrider it makes you observant
The way Zevlors endlessly understanding is so sweet <3
If you need support or comfort in any way, he will always be there
Whether you need a hug or help fixing a problem
He never expects anything back, but seeing you open up to him is more than enough of a reward
You being a non tiefling doesn't bother Zevlor, I definitely think he's been with non tiefs before in the past
Like Dammon, he is also very patient
Despite his feelings, Zevlor will take your relationship at whatever speed you'd like
He's quite content being a close friend of yours and supporting you
Please just kiss Zevlor already, he'll die before making the first move
Rolan
Are you sure you want to try and date Rolan? 💀
We love him, but this man is a firecracker of a tiefling, he takes a while to adjust to
While he realises you're shy, it takes Cal and Lia pestering him before he stops his little angry outbursts
Instead he starts to become a lot more mindful about his voice, tone, and body language
This goes double when he realises his feelings for you
It's a noticeable change, particularly when you leave a room and the firecracker attitude is back
He's your hype squad too when you're feeling insecure
Rolan is both a proud man but he does worry about his abilities and how he stacks up
It's a perspective that helps him both understand your thoughts, and help you overcome negative thinking patterns
If he gets to spend time with his crush while he helps, then that's just a bonus
In the end, you and Rolan end up being like the 'they asked for no pickles' meme, if anyone knows what I'm talking about
It's honestly so cute seeing him pine over you while hyping you up in his own sassy way
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ineffablesuffering · 9 months
Text
Where The Furniture Used to Be (Aziraphale x Crowley x Adopted!reader)
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Hello! Welcome back! So this was a request from a lovely anon! (I hope you see this and you like it!) This is my very first attempt at angst so please be nice!
Pairing: (Aziraphale x Crowley x Adopted!reader)
Warnings: again like one swear word. Feels? (look i tried lmao)
Word Count: 2557
Note: To the other anon that sent me a request, I have seen it! It's been added to my list <3
Masterlist
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“This is ridiculous,” you huffed, “Why can’t I go outside?” the wind picked up outside the bookshop window.
Aziraphale sighed. They, Crowley and Aziraphale, had adopted you when they you were a teenager after noting some strange weather patterns that seemed otherworldly and out of place in London. They had followed the trails and it led them to you, a then-teenager who had trouble controlling their emotions. You were a witch, a bloody powerful one at that, who could control and manipulate the elements no spell or potion needed. It had taken time, but Crowley had connected that the change in weather had come directly from your emotions whether they meant it or not.  Aziraphale and Crowley had worked hard to conceal them from their respective ex-head offices, and it had been working. Until now. You see, Heaven and Hell had taken notice of the young witch and had been watching closely for quite some time. The power they had worried them immensely, they felt threatened by it. With the planning of The Second Coming, they didn’t have the time nor patience to put up with someone who could quickly stop it.
“I just don’t want anything to happen to you, my dear, at least let us accompany you,” Aziraphale said calmly.
“To me or to other people?” you snapped, “I am old enough to go and get a coffee myself Az. You don’t need to treat me like such a baby anymore. I’m not going to hurt anyone. I can control myself now. What could possibly happen to me huh? Nothing has ever happened to me, and nothing will. I can’t stay cooped up in here forever.” The wind continued to pick up outside.
“Oi!” Crowley said from his position on the sofa, “there’s no need to speak to Aziraphale like that. We’re just looking out for you that’s all.”
You let out a deep sigh and rubbed your temples; the wind slowly calming. You loved Aziraphale and Crowley so much and were very grateful to them for everything they had done. But this was too much. You could protect yourself, should anything ever happen to you. You were a grown adult, not the once out-of-control teenager you used to be.
“I’m sorry,” you sighed, “I just think it’s a bit silly that I can’t go 10 minutes down the road to grab a coffee, on my own.”
Aziraphale and Crowley shared a look. It wasn’t that they didn’t trust you, they just didn’t want any harm to come to you. You just looked at them, as they had a silent conversation debating on how they should handle the situation. Aziraphale sighed again and took your hands in his own.
“Okay, fine. You can go but come straight back.” Aziraphale said, softly but his tone suggested that there was no room for argument. A smile appeared on your face as you launched yourself into Aziraphale’s arms.
“Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!” you squealed, “I promise I won’t be long, and I’ll bring you back something too.”
Aziraphale chuckles as he returns the hug rubbing a hand up and down your back. “Just come straight back.” He said as he pulled away. You nodded and quickly made your way to Crowley.  
“Thank you!” you said as you gave Crowley a kiss on the cheek. Crowley just winks at you.
“I take my thanks in the form of a …”
“A big cup with 6 shots of espresso, yes I know,” you laughed interrupting him.
“That’s my little angel,” he said quietly and pressed a kiss to your hand.
You smiled as you made your way out of the bookshop. “Bye! Love you!” you said closing the door behind you.
“I do hope we made the right decision,” Aziraphale said sitting down next to Crowley, taking his hand in his.
“They’ll be fine Angel,” Crowley said, “Just have a little bit of faith,” he said kissing the angel's cheek before standing up and sauntering off into the kitchen to make Aziraphale a cup of tea.
You walked down the street towards the coffee shop with a smile on your face as you took in the scenes around you. There were cars driving up and down the street, the sun was shining, and a cool autumn breeze swirled around you. It truly seemed to be the perfect afternoon. As you walked with almost a skip in your step, you bumped into someone.
“Oh shit, I’m so sorry,” you said to the stranger. The stranger was a woman dressed in white with neat dark hair.
“Watch where you’re walking,” said the stranger.
“Sorry!” you said and continued on your way.
You reached the coffee shop just moments later, and praise be, there was no queue. The shop was particularly empty except for a woman who was sat at a table dressed in white but with beautiful dark skin. Strange you thought, that’s two women in white suits in the last few minutes. Maybe they’re getting married. You shrugged the thought off as you ordered an iced latte for yourself, a large cup with six shots of espresso for Crowley and a vanilla slice for Aziraphale. You paid and thanked the barista and waited for your order. You turned around and saw the woman at the table staring at you. You offered a friendly smile, but the woman just kept on staring at them. “Okay then,” you said under your breath.
You thank the barista when they hand you your order and make your way back to the bookshop. You take a sip of the iced latte and make a face. You didn’t order any syrup in your latte, but it tasted awfully like almonds, and that’s the last thing you remember before everything went black.
Back at the bookshop, Aziraphale was pacing. “They should be back by now,” he stressed as he walked.
“I’m sure they just bumped into a friend or something Angel,” Crowley responded trying to calm Aziraphale, but deep down he knew that something wasn’t right.
“It's been over an hour Crowley,” Aziraphale said glancing out the window to see if he could spot you.
“I know Angel, they’ll be fine,” Crowley said standing up and walking over to Aziraphale placing a hand on his shoulder.
Aziraphale turned to face Crowley and buried his head in his shoulder. Crowley wraps his arms around the angel, soothing him by running a hand up and down his back. Much like how Aziraphale had done to Y/N not too long ago. “Can we go look for them?” Aziraphale mumbled into Crowley’s shoulder.
“Would it make you feel better?” Crowley asked pulling away so he could look him in the eyes. Aziraphale just nodded and Crowley sighed. “C’mon then Angel.”
Aziraphale and Crowley walked down the same streets that Y/N had. The sun was still bright in the sky, the cool breeze whipping around them, but something wasn’t right. They could feel it. They turned the corner and stopped. On the middle of the pavement, there were two dropped coffees and a dropped paper bag which seemed to contain a vanilla slice. The angel and demon turned to each other as their hearts dropped to their stomachs.
You awoke to a bright light and a pounding headache. Your hands bound to a chair and a white rag in your mouth. You wince as you opened your eyes to see the two women from earlier standing before you hold a book.
“What is going on?” you tried to speak, but the rag prevented the words from coming out.
The woman with the neat dark hair snapped her fingers and the rag disappeared.
“You! You’re the women from earlier!” you thrash, trying to break free of the material that held you to the chair.
“Women?” the woman said, “We are the Archangels Michael,” they pointed and themselves “and Uriel,” they continued pointing to the other woma- angel, “and you must be Y/N,” they said a hint of disgust in their voice.
“What’s it to you?” you snap trying to burn your way through the material bounding you to the chair.
“Oh, that won’t work here, Y/N,” said Archangel Uriel, “your gifts are of no use to you in heaven.”
You froze. Heaven? Panic coursed through your veins like ice. “No, no, no, no.” you panicked.
“Oh yes, Y/N,” the Archangel Michael smiled. “You get quite the view from up here.”
“How do you even know who I am anyway?” You said.
“We’ve been watching you for quite some time now. Quite the stir you’ve made upstairs and downstairs. You’ve had us all quite worried,” spoke Uriel.
Your head was spinning. You knew about Heaven and Hell. You always have for as long as you’ve had your powers, that wasn’t the surprise. You knew Aziraphale was an angel and Crowley a demon, so coming face to face with two Archangels wasn’t a huge shock to the system. No, what panicked you the most was that you were up here and Aziraphale and Crowley were nowhere to be seen.
“W-What have you done to them?” you shouted.
“To who?” Uriel cocks their head.
“Aziraphale and Crowley!” you cried. “Where are they?”
“You mean The Traitor and the Demon?” Michael starts, “Oh nothing, it’s not as if they’ll even know who you are in a minute anyway,” they gestured to the book that Uriel held. You’d know that book anywhere.
“Is that?” you say suddenly getting quiet.
“You’re a clever witch, aren’t you?” Uriel said condescendingly.
“But I haven’t done anything!” you shout.
“Ah, not yet you haven’t,” Uriel starts “but we can’t have you interfering with The Second Coming now, can we?”
The Second what now? Fear and dread slowly started to fill your body from your head to your toes. They were going to erase you from The Book of Life. Tears filled your eyes as the reality of your situation dawned on you. You were at a loss for words as Uriel opened the book and handed it to Michael. Your thoughts ran wild as they smiled at you. You felt as if you were about to throw up.
Suddenly, doors opened to your left and voices shouted.
“Let them go!”
“What do you think you are doing!”
It was Aziraphale and Crowley running towards you. Aziraphale snapped his fingers, and you were freed from your restraints. You threw yourself into Crowley's arms and sobbed as Crowley caught you and stroked your hair. “You’re okay my little angel,” he whispered in your ear. Aziraphale stood in front of you both.
“What is the meaning of all this?” Aziraphale demanded.
“Ah, so glad you could join us,” Michael smiled, “We were just about to get started.”
Aziraphale froze when he saw what was in Michael's hands. He turned to Crowley, a wild expression on his face. Crowley tilted his head, confused until he too saw what Michael was holding. His hand froze on your hair.
“That’s not?” Crowley started, suddenly moving you behind him. Aziraphale nodded weakly, not knowing what to say or do. He turned to face Uriel and Michael.
“You can’t do that,” he stepped forward, but Uriel snapped their fingers, and he couldn’t move any further. He was stuck, and panic took over his body. “You wouldn’t, they haven’t done anything!” he shouted. His worst nightmare had suddenly become a reality. He was going to lose you and he couldn’t do anything about it.
Crowley tried to make a dash for The Book of Life, but it was no use, he wasn’t fast enough and soon he was also stuck in place, right next to Aziraphale. “You can’t do this!” he roared, fear washing over him. Michael and Uriel ignored them as they found your name in the book. You rushed in front of Aziraphale and Crowley, you turned and faced the two Archangels.
“Please, don’t do this,” you beg tears rolling down your face, “you can’t do this!” Uriel hands Michael a feather. “I promise I won’t cause any bother. I won’t!” you tried to bargain but it was no use.
“That’s not a risk we are willing to take,” said Michael and with one swift stroke, crossed your name out of The Book of Life, and disappeared.
You turned to face Aziraphale and Crowley and stumbled forward feeling slightly tingly. You felt arms around you as Aziraphale and Crowley were released from their holds as now, there was nothing they could do.
“No, no, no, no!” Crowley shouted as he grasped onto you. You could see tears fall from Aziraphale's eyes as he stroked your hair.
“It’s okay,” you said to them bringing a hand to each of their faces, tears still rolling down your face. “It’s going to be okay,” you whisper quietly.
“How can you say that Y/N?” Aziraphale whispers.
“Because in a few seconds, you won't even remember who I was. You won’t feel any pain.” You whisper to them, noticing that your hands were fading. This was it. A sob wracked through Crowley, his emotions getting the best of him. You feel his lips touch your forehead.
“You’ll always be my little angel Y/N,” he whispers into your hair, pressing another soft kiss to the crown of your head.
“I love you both so much.” You said, feeling yourself fade away.
“We love you too, so much,” Aziraphale whispers into your hair, kissing your head softly, and with that, you faded away in their arms.
A few days later, Aziraphale and Crowley were in the bookshop. Aziraphale had decided to close the shop today, not feeling like opening up. He sat at his desk a strange feeling in his stomach like something was missing but he couldn’t quite place what it was. He sighed and stood up from his desk and made his way to the kitchen to make a cup of tea. He found Crowley standing there staring at a cup of coffee.
“Everything alright my dear?” he asked.
“Hmm?” Crowley responded looking at him.
“I asked if everything is alright?”
“Oh, yeah m’fine.” He said with a sigh, “Do you ever feel like something isn’t quite right?” he asked Aziraphale after a moment.
“You know I was just thinking about that myself,” he said leaning next to him on the kitchen counter. “I’ve just felt rather, unfulfilled recently and I can’t seem to place why.” He frowned.
“Me too,” Crowley said reverting his attention back to his coffee. “It’s very strange, it feels like looking into a house you used to own and trying to place where the furniture used to be but you just can't.”
“That’s an oddly specific way of putting it.”
“But I’m not wrong.”
“No,” Aziraphale sighed, “you are not.”
They stood in silence for a minute before Aziraphale spoke up again. “I’m sure it will pass; all things pass in the end.”
Crowley looked at the angel with a bemused look on his face, “Did you just quote George Harrison?”
Aziraphale blushed “Maybe,”
“You surprise me every day Angel.” Crowley said with a chuckle, “C’mon make your tea and I’ll get you in the main room.” He said sauntering off.
So, life went on as it always had for Aziraphale and Crowley, though they could never shift that feeling that something, or rather someone, was missing.
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twisted-lover-boys · 1 year
Note
Hello i hope you don't mind! I love your works sm! May i request the dorm leaders with male s/o that have a mouth scar like this, s/o doesn't actually mind showing them (which usually they hide it with a facemask) but actually a bit insecure about it because how dorm leader will react (maybe make the reader somehow accepted in pomiefore dorm?? The reader going to be shocked af lmao), please ignore this if it's against the rule or anything, thank you! Jave a great day/night! :^)
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With A Boyfriend Who Has A Mouth Scar
{not proof-read}
This is adorable!!! It reminds me of Katakuri from one piece!
For the mask, I just envisioned Blade’s Crystal Awakening mask…if y’all even know what Nu Carnival is lol…
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🌹🦁🐙🦂👑💀🐲🌹🦁🐙🦂👑💀🐲
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Riddle met you during the entrance ceremony his first year. You were a first year, just like him, but he found himself staring at you for a while. He doesn’t know if it was because you were handsome, or the mask you wore over your mouth
When you went up to the mirror and it announced you into Pomefiore, you looked shocked. Well, it’s most likely that you were hoping for a different dorm but there’s not much you can do
You and Riddle ended up having many classes together so your friendship just started naturally
Of course, he couldn’t ignore the beating of his heart for you and confessed just before the end of your first year. Even now, you’re still as close as ever
Riddle learned that you weren’t very fond of lip kisses and, even then, you seemed to like wearing your mask when out and about. Still, that didn’t deter him from placing them on your cheeks or hands
At some point, Riddle had made his way over to Pomefiore to see you, making this date well known before hand. He knocked gently on your door before letting himself in and seeing you without your mask. The corners of your lips formed upwards in a scar-like smile pattern
As soon as you noticed him, you quickly scrambled, trying to find your mask and covering your mouth with your hands, shouting apologies which Riddle didn’t think was necessary
He slowly walked up to you and gently placed his hands over your own, slowly removing them from your mouth. He was silent for a while, before placing a sweet, chaste kiss on your lips
“You’re so handsome.”
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Leona was in his second year when he first met you at the ceremony. You were the only person he found interesting but it was probably because of the mask you wore over your mouth
He groaned internally when you were assigned to Pomefiore since he didn’t really like those students, but he didn’t miss the look of surprise on your face. Guess you weren’t expecting it either…
Leona didn’t really expect to see you again, but you actually joined the same club as him. He was immediately fond of your more aggressive nature. You stood out amongst the other Pomefiore students, and he liked that
Leona is very straightforward so it was only a matter of time before he confessed his feelings for you. Even in your third years well, Leona’s second third year, you’re still just as close
Leona isn’t very showy when it comes to affection so he does it whenever he wants. He respects your wishes on not wanting any lip kisses but you don’t get a free pass for anywhere else
Leona had made its way over to Pomefiore suddenly solely because he wanted to see you and got tired of waiting for you. He didn’t even bother on knocking as he just barged into your room and saw you without your mask. The corners of your mouth were curved in a scarred smile
You immediately started scrambling around your room, looking for your mask and covering your mouth with your hands while shouting apologies even though nothing was your fault
Leona swiftly made his way over to you, took both your hands in one of his and placed his over on your shoulder before kissing you on your lips
“Stop scrambling. You look handsome to me.”
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Azul, during his first year ceremony, was looking for future business opportunities and you just happened to be in his line of sight. What really drew him to you was the mask you wore over your mouth
He noticed that you looked shocked when you were accepted into Pomefiore, but he was more worried about how hard you’d be to reach since you’re in said dorm
Luckily, you ended up having some classes together so he was able to get close to you. What he didn’t expect was for him to form a friendship with you
Azul had planned his confession to you out perfectly but it just ended up happening thanks to the tweels and their erratic behavior and need for chaos
Azul craves affection, both giving and receiving, so he’s very open about it. He’s upset that you’re not a big fan of lip kisses, but he cares about your comfort so he respects your wishes
One day, he had informed you that he was coming over to Pomefiore for the selfish reason of wanting to see you. He knocked on your door, announcing his arrival, before noticing that you didn’t have your mask on. Your lips were scarred and curved up to your cheeks
You quickly scrambled, looking for your mask while also covering your face with your hands, spouting out apology after apology towards him
Azul would’ve waited for you to compose yourself, but he slowly walked up to you and gently removed your hands from your mouth, but not before placing a sweet kiss on your lips
“You’re so handsome, angelfish. Please don’t hide.”
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Kalim met you during his first year at NRC. He was excited to make new friends, especially ones that would be in his dorm. He hoped you would be one since he was very curious about you, your mask included
He was a little upset that you ended up in Pomefiore and not Scarabia but you looked shocked yourself. Maybe you wanted a different dorm?
We was happy that you shared many classes together. That means he’s able to make friends with you! And he did so very quickly
Kalim is a very blunt man so it was only a matter of time before he confessed how he truly felt for you
Kalim is a very affectionate man as well and loves to show you how much he loves you physically. Although he’s upset that you’re not comfortable with lip kisses, it doesn’t deter him in the slightest
Kalim had wanted to see you so he decided to take his magic carpet for a ride over to Pomefiore to surprise you! He didn’t think twice before barging into your room from your large bedroom window until he saw you without your mask. The corners of your lips were scarred and they formed a smile against your cheeks
You started scrambling, looking for your mask while he jumped off his magic carpet. He didn’t really comprehend the apologies you were spouting in your wake
He quickly took your face in his hands and placed a big, and kind of sloppy, kiss on your lips
“Please don’t hide your face! You’re handsome!”
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Vil met you his first year. He was focused on the looks of other future students in their ceremonial robes, but you caught his eye. Your robes were neat and you held an air of composure, but you covered you face with a mask
He was surprised when you both ended up in the same dorm together but at least he would be able to know more about you
You were very different from many Pomefiore students. You were rough and sharp-tongued but always managed to make yourself look presentable. It’s a wonder how Vil managed to form a friendship with you
Actually, Vil is emotionally passionate and, although it may come off as snarky, is very open about his feelings and that included the ones he felt towards you
Vil doesn’t mind physical affection but he’d much rather do such actions in private so he respects the fact that you’re not comfortable with lip kisses at the moment
It was an early morning when Vil came knocking on your door for mandatory dorm breakfast. He let himself in after not hearing a response after a while and was greeted to your unmasked face. The scars on your cheeks makes a faux smile connected to your lips
As soon as you noticed him, you started scrambling around your room, looking for your mask and covering your mouth in the process
Vil didn’t care about the apologies spilling from your mouth or the makeup she had applied on only hours before as he gently took your head in his hands and gently kissed you
“Stop blubbering, sweet potato. You’re handsome just the way you are.”
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Idia knew that the entrance ceremony was mandatory but he really wishes it wasn’t. He was surrounded by intimidating people, including you. You were mysterious and held yourself high, but you covered half of your face with a mask
He was sort of relieved that you didn’t end up in the same dorm together but he didn’t miss that far-off, shocked look on your face. Maybe you really didn’t want Pomefiore…
He had hardly any time to think about it as he started seeing you more and more during his classes. That’s when he started learning more about you. It even went as far as him inviting you over to his room to okay games together
Idia is a very reserved person so he wasn’t open with his feelings for a while so the only way he’d ever confess was by accident or because of Ortho. Nonetheless, it happened and no one knows how
Idia isn’t a very physically affectionate person so he’s absolutely fine with having few PDA interactions and it’s totally chill with you not wanting lip kisses
Idia doesn’t know how he ended up being persuaded into going to Pomefiore to see you but, here he was, standing in front of your door, contemplating whether he should knock or just enter. He decided the latter and immediately saw you, mask-less. The scars on your face formed a smile on your cheeks that connected to your lips
You jumped at his entrance and immediately started fidgeting around for your mask, too shocked to try and cover your face from him or say anything to him
Idia, in a burst of confidence, ran over to you, grabbed your face, and kissed you rather roughly
“You’re so handsome!..Ah! Sorry!!”
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Malleus was the center of attention during his first year entrance ceremony, and not in the good way. He didn’t really mind, finding comfort in looking at the students who would end up being his peers but he stopped when his eyes landed on you. Although half of your face was covered, he was already curious about you
He was a little disappointed that you ended up in Pomefiore and not Diasomnia but there really wasn’t much that could be done about it. Your shocked and far-off look, however, was not missed from the fae
He was shocked that you both had many classes together and that you even bothered to try and become friends with him. Spoiler: it succeeded
Malleus, like any fae, shows his affection via courting so while it did take some time to fully get the message across, it somehow did make its way over to you. Spoiler again: it worked
Malleus is a very affectionate fae and shows it in various ways, physically being one of them. While he is a little upset that he can’t give you kisses on your lips, he cares more about your comfort and is still content that he can just be sweet with you
Malleus has a weird way of going from one place to another…teleportation. He just decided to pop into your room because he wanted to see you but was not expecting to see you without your mask. The corners of your lips were connected to scars that spanned your entire cheek, making it look like a crooked smile
You immediately hid your mouth with your hands while apologizing that he had to see something like that
He didn’t even bother to listen to your ramblings as, to him, they didn’t matter. He gently removed your hands from your mouth, staring just a little bit longer before bringing you close for a passionate, yet chaste kiss
“Please don’t hide your face from me, my beloved. You’re handsome just as you are.”
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🌹🦁🐙🦂👑💀🐲🌹🦁🐙🦂👑💀🐲
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Return to sender - Kaz Brekker x Reader
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[graphic descriptions of violence/injury]
SUMMARY: Someone from your past keeps sending you unambiguously romantic letters. While you think of them as nothing beyond an inconvenience, Kaz has a different opinion.
WORDCOUNT: ~ 2.9k
A/N: I'm going through the first editorial correction for my novel and as it turns out, I can't speak my own mother tongue lmao
Kaz has an eye for details. Whether it’s a pattern or an overlooked design, he always notices. That set of skills, either he learned them or was born with them, made it painfully obvious to him that your foul mood coincided with correspondence he never saw you actually read. The letter usually ends up in the nearest fireplace, its secrets never uncovered and you maunder around the club looking for a fight or a strong drink. A much bigger problem, however, was the fact that if you were in a sour mood, Kaz would become exceptionally chippy without an apparent cause. ‘Care for my investment’ he calls it, which makes a rather amusing euphemism.
In any event, he knows that the letter should arrive today. Exactly seven weeks had passed since the last time some mysterious correspondence pissed you off and the sender, as far as Kaz has noticed, is like clockwork. Strangely enough, he can’t recall a day when the letter should arrive that you’d come to the club already annoyed as though he has become privy to a rather obvious pattern that you remain oblivious to. If so, he has even more advantage - he can solve this inconvenience behind your back, in case you’d try to dismiss him. He wouldn’t listen anyway, of course. Not when it comes to you.
Knowing very well that you have a habit of arriving shortly after Inej, he’s quick to find the thief before you even get a chance of catching wind of his scheme. She’s fixing her clothes when she spots him hastily limping towards her with his face turned nearly into a snarl. A hand brushes through his hair. He’s agitated. But Inej knows better than to make the first move against the unmovable mountain. Kaz sought her out, after all, and if he means business, he won’t waste time.
And he does just as she thought. Speaking in a low tone, Kaz makes her part of his conspiracy: “Inej, I need you to do something but no one else can know. Someone will deliver a letter today. Follow them and find out as much as you can,” his voice is stern, not accepting refusal. The matter appears urgent, of utter importance.
Her keen gaze studies his face for a moment, looking for any way even the slightest tick of muscles could reveal a further piece of the mystery she isn’t yet privy to. “Is this about the new job we’re doing?” She elegantly manoeuvres around the subject.
Kaz knows what she’s trying to do. He clenches his jaw and gives her a blank, although somewhat impatient, look before slowly answering: “It’s rather loosely related.”
This is enough to put her curiosity on hold - for now, at least. The unmovable mountain remains, well, unmovable. Inej nods. “I’m on it.”
The moment she ends her sentence, the door to the club opens with a creek echoing through the otherwise empty venue, immediately earning the undivided attention of Kaz and Inej. The sound of heels against the wooden floor is unmistakable as is the fitting, rather short, coat. Inej smiles, stifling laughter as she notices Kaz immediately straightening his back when he sees you.
There’s a certain spring to your step, one that Kaz has learned to associate with complacency. Although this joyous aura is making his mind turn into quicksand swallowing anything coherent, he’s got enough grip on his thoughts to render his theory proved - you really do not have any idea that the letters come regularly. 
With a triumphant grin, you wave a scroll in his face. “I had a hunch and did some browsing at the city archives. You’re going to love it.”
Inej is gone and the only thing Kaz can do at the moment is wait along with trying his best not to think about this mail fiasco. But considering you’ll spend the entire day a mere inch or two away from him, he’s hardly going to do much thinking anyway. 
“Let’s see it then,” Kaz interposes before turning around and walking back to his office. 
Making his way to Brekker’s office, Jesper examined the expensive stationery from every side and angle. No matter the perspective, the cursive letters on the front still spell out your name. Truthfully, he does that every time you receive mail, mainly because of how little you talk about the possible sender. There’s always a huff, an eye-roll and the envelope ends up turned into ashes, without any further explanation. You become short-tempered for the rest of the day and go ballistic on anyone trying to inquire about the mysterious correspondence. As much entertainment as it usually brings Jesper, he’s smart enough to know when to stop poking the bear.
Jesper knocks on the door but opens them right after - announcing his arrival rather than asking for permission to enter. 
“...smuggling through the sewers.” He hears you finishing your sentence.
Both you and Kaz simultaneously tear away your gaze from the maps scattered on the table and bore your eyes into Jesper with anticipation. He lifts the letter, wriggling his wrist slightly, and immediately your expression falls. You clench your fist. A contemptuous grimace creeps onto your face.
“Letter for you,” he announces.
“By the Saints, not this again,” you whisper and roll your eyes.
“What do you mean again?” Jesper asks casually, half expecting you to break his hand and half hoping for an answer. Today, as it turns out, is his lucky day.
“A friend once convinced me to go to some socialite high tea with her. I met someone there, we wrote to each other a few times and then he started to be obnoxious, the whole ‘woe is me’ lark.” The memory must still be vivid to you as you let out an annoyed sigh. “He claimed he can’t live without me while never spelling my name correctly. But since I value myself a little too much to waste my time on pity parties, I simply stopped replying. The last letter I sent him, I don’t know, three years ago? And he just keeps coming back.” You clench your jaw, clearly stopping yourself from a string of profanities considered obscene even in this company.
Jesper puts on a playful grin. “You know, you never struck me as someone who’d have a secret admirer.”
Your irritated gaze makes him equally amused and nervous. “He’s not exactly secret, is he? More of a returning cockroach infestation. Worry not, boys, I’ll just burn this one like the rest and we can all forget about this little perplexity.”
“Come on, you’re not even a little bit curious about what’s inside?” Jesper coaxes as he hands you the letter.
“Believe me when I tell you that I don’t give a rat’s bald ass about this man and his pathetic wax poetic.” You snatch the envelope, all the while looking at your friend with squinted, piercing eyes. Considering who you are, a complete lack of curiosity whatsoever might as well be a symptom of a lethal disease.
In that short moment, when the stationery goes from Jesper’s hand into yours, Kaz watches the letter as closely as he can. Smooth paper, probably expensive. Careful lettering, written with patience and thoughtfulness. An aroma of mint and tobacco lingers on the parchment. The stamp has the current date on it and the postal code is only a few numbers away from the club’s - whoever sent it is in Ketterdam and quite close by.
Kaz makes those little observations just in time because you throw the letter into the fireplace behind him, without even glancing at the paper. The flames grow for a few seconds, devouring the dry stationery. Soon, there’s no evidence that any mail has been delivered to you on this day.
“Now, where were we?” You clap your hands. “Ah, sewers.” Jesper takes the change of subject as his cue to leave but you stop him right when he pushes down the door handle. “Oh, and Jesper? If you tell Inej, I’m ripping your arm off and beating you to death with it.”
He looks at you over his shoulder, a newfound sense of anxiety turning his vivid amusement into somewhat tame courtesy, leaving his smile unfaltering but tearing away the genuine joy behind it. “I will keep this enlightening piece of advice in mind, thank you.”
The door clicks as Jesper closes it behind himself. Returning to your previous engagement, you stumble upon Brekker’s stern gaze of disapproval. 
“Do not maim my investments.” Although it’s supposed to be a scolding or a threat, it comes out with a certain note of disinterest.
“Don’t try playing all nice, Kaz. You and I both know you’d watch for like ten minutes before stepping in.”
His gloved finger taps the map. “Sewers.” 
You mumble something along the lines of ‘yes, sir’ and pick up the single-handed divider again. Kaz examines your face out of the corner of his eye. Judging by your casual demeanour, the palm’s length between your heads is of no bother to you. Maybe you’re just too busy counting the segments with the divider. When you’re done, you reach for the other side of the desk, for a moment leaving broody Kaz to the, surprisingly cold, lukewarm air filling the room.
This day just can’t seem to end for Burr Lowther. First, he had to take his regular trip into the filth of the Barrel, he shudders at the memory, only to then spend another ten hours at the sewing workshop. Being a foreman pays exceptionally well and perhaps this is the only reason he’s still putting up with those lazy needlewomen. 
Putting his well-kept coat on the hanger by the front door, Burr lets out a sigh of relief - compared to the factory, his house is a quiet oasis. He remembers to take out a pouch and a box of expensive cigars from his coat. Without much thinking, he opens the small bag and puts another leaf of mint between his teeth. What started first as an addition to his personal hygiene, has quickly become a habit impossible to kill. Now used to the strong, chilly sensation on his tongue, he’s grown to like it. 
The house is drowning in darkness. Dim, yellow light from the streetlamps crawling in through the windows is barely enough to let him make his way around the furniture. Foreman Lowther is yet to start the fire in his living room but he needs to be quick - if he stalls too long his joints will begin to hurt. Even with laudanum, the ache is bound to keep him up for hours and that’s something he can’t afford. But first, he needs some light to be able to get the necessary things.
Chewing on the herb, Burr walks to the table across the room from the fireplace. He puts the new box of cigars down and begins looking for something to light the oil lamp. Once he blindly finds a box of matches, his muscle memory does most of the job - he’s lit up the lamp far too many times to think about the actions. In swift, mechanical motions, Burr takes off the chimney, lights the wick and puts the glass part back on. The fire brightens the rest of the table, reminding the foreman that he forgot to put away the made-to-order McKinnon & Co. stationery. He pushes the paper farther away from the lamp, just in case.
Burr’s knees make a cracking noise when he crouches in front of the fireplace. Carefully, he lights a match and puts it between logs and old newspapers. The fire smoulders for a moment, balancing between starting and being put out, before a bigger flame begins gnawing at the dry wood and paper. 
Foreman Lowther is about to stand up when something hits the side of his head, making his face clash with the seat of a nearby armchair. Scurrying and turning around, he sees an outline of a man, looking more like a feverish mare of the night than a real human. He’s thin and tall, dressed rather elegantly. The model crow on his cane glistens in the newly started fire.
“Who are you?” Burr’s voice cracks, giving away his panic.
“A scorned businessman, Burr Lowther,” Kaz explains slowly.
The foreman climbs backwards into the armchair. It’s difficult to look imposing while sitting beside a fireplace but his fear is far too severe to let the man stand on his own two feet.
“I’ve no business with you!” he yells. A few droplets of spit fly out of his mouth. “Get out!” Burr’s shaky hand points vaguely in the direction of the front door but Kaz, as it seems, is not going anywhere just yet.
In slow steps, Kaz gets closer to Burr, the difference in height painting him even more menacing. Lowther’s hand falls limp on a small table meant for trays with food.
“Perhaps you don’t. But I have plenty with you.”
Before foreman Lowther can ask another question, Brekker drives a sharp blade through the man’s palm, pinning it to the wooden counter. A howl of pain cuts through the night, scaring away the birds sitting outside the windows. Thick, crimson blood spills from the wound, falling to the floor in long drops. The fireplace’s flame glistens in the growing puddle, the reflection dances in morbid anticipation.
Kaz walks over to the table with the oil lamp. The first thing that catches his eye is the ivory paper. Somehow, he stifles the visceral reaction it elicits from him. Grabbing the wad of stationery, he folds it a few times and puts it in the inner pocket of his coat. Then his gaze trails towards the wooden box of cigars. The name of the company, Starling, is burned in cursive lettering on the front. In a swift movement, Kaz slides the package open, knowing exactly what he’s going to find inside - a cigar cutter. For people who can afford Starling tobacco products, it definitely doesn’t befit to chew off the end.
Firelight cascades off the metal cutter when Kaz turns back towards Burr. The man’s eyes widen in panic, recognizing the sharp device put against him.
“No, sir,” Burr begs with a frantic shake of his head. “Oh, Saints, please, no! Don’t! I’m begging you, sir! Please, please! No, please!”
Brekker’s face doesn’t change its indifferent expression. The pleading is not putting him off, never faltering his already-made decision. Perhaps, if it isn’t too morbid to consider, he’s enjoying having someone at his mercy. The cigar cutter clicks quietly as Kaz closes it a few times to check the state of the mechanism.
Kaz makes his way back to the foreman. Casually, he puts his cane against the table but away from the nailed palm, careful not to get it dirty. Then, he snatches Burr’s other hand, the swiftness diminishing all doubts that he’s inexperienced in bringing suffering.
“You have laid your hands on something that isn’t yours, Lowther,” Brekker explains as he forces one of the man’s fingers through the cutter’s opening. “Now you must pay for it.”
A muscle in his face ticks as he presses the cigar cutter. Burr howls in agony, tears streaming down his face. The finger falls to the floor with a wet slap as blood begins to pour. The white tip of the bone sticks out from the pulsating flesh, glistening in the warm, dim light of the burning fireplace.
In a feverish delirium, Lowther mumbles something under his nose, the string of incomprehensible words sometimes interrupted by sobs. Kaz can understand only two things from the ramblings of a madman: ‘wench’ and ‘reply’. Scarce information but he hardly needs more.
“Wench?” he repeats in a low voice.
With a snap of his wrist, Kaz twists the knife still residing in the man’s hand. A bone cracks. But there’s no scream this time - not an ounce of strength left in the victim. Lonely tears stream down his grey face, mixing with cold sweat as he blankly stares ahead. A gloved hand yanks his head back by the hair, forcing delirious Burr to look into Brekker’s eyes. They look darker than they should, clouded with something far too horrible to be considered human.
“Not only did you lay your filthy hands on something of mine,” Kaz’s voice is low enough to resemble a growl as though something carnal inside him has finally woken from its slumber, “but you also dare insult her.”
Burr makes a strange guttural noise, something between a gag reflex and a murmur, as another one of his fingers is cut off. Considering his vacant expression, it’s hard to say whether his consciousness even registered the loss.
Kaz tosses away the cigar cutter. It clutters and clicks falling in the largely unknown corner of the room. Reaching inside his coat, he pulls out the folded stationery. Pressing tightly on Burr’s cheeks, he forces the man’s mouth open.
“I don’t think you will be needing this anymore.”
Even if foreman Lowther was in his right mind at the moment, there wouldn’t be much he could do to prevent Kaz from shoving the dry paper down his throat. A match, a spark, a smoulder - the ivory stationery is burning inside Burr’s mouth.
Leaving Burr Lowther to his own devices, Kaz Brekker leaves the house, joining the otherwise grey and indifferent citizens of Ketterdam. The sunrise is just a few hours away. He’s making his way back to the club, uninterrupted and unbothered, to enjoy another day of your hardly divided attention.
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Reo Mikage is Actually Great BPD Representation- Some Thoughts
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So I had the extremely unfortunate experience of being exposed to Blue Lock (unfortunate because it's all my tiny pea brain can think about now), and while it is absolutely full of silly guys whose brains I want to pick, this little bugger really stood out to me. The second he came onto the screen, I KNEW I smelled the borderline on him. As I watched the series and read the manga, I noticed he is actually an incredibly well-written depiction of someone struggling with BPD. Reo is a super layered character and my favorite hobby is picking apart those layers and yapping incessantly about them, so here we are. I want to write this analysis for a few reasons:
1.) Too many people misunderstand Reo and categorize him as dramatic or childish without any elaboration and he deserves a proper character deep-dive. I think him being borderline explains a LOT of his reactions/choices throughout the story.
2.) Borderline representation is extremely important to me. I'm diagnosed borderline and have struggled with this disorder for around ten years now, so I get really excited when I spy BPD-coded characters (especially if they're likable people and not just ghoulish irredeemable villains or manic pixie dream girl characters). This disorder can be so isolating, especially when the majority of people will never even bother to research or understand it. I know that some people like to chalk Reo's emotional reactions up to him being a moody 17-year-old, but I think I have enough evidence to prove that this is undiagnosed BPD that's festering in his noggin. Not to mention, literally nobody else acts like this in the series. Reo is incredibly unique and distinct in the way he behaves through this narrative and I think it's way past the point of normal teenage angst. Regardless, believe what you want. He'll always be my borderline princess tho <3
3.) I have a master's degree in English and what good is that if I don't write long, painful, pointless essays on anime guys? Not that this is exceptionally well written, I just like to laugh at myself for getting a whole M.A and then this is the shit I publish online lmao
By the end of this, I hope I can shed some light on wtf is going on inside of Reo's silly little head. (I'm also obviously not a psychologist, don't use any of this to diagnose yourself pls I don't need the scandal)
If you want to read, buckle up, because this is gonna be a long one!
First, let me define BPD- It's a personality disorder characterized by a long-standing pattern of instability in mood, interpersonal relationships, and self-image. At its core, it is a disorder categorized by emotional dysregulation (the inability to regulate one's emotional responses) People with BPD feel everything EXTREMELY hard. That's important to keep in mind IMO, because while their reactions may seem dramatic or extreme, what they're feeling IS dramatic and extreme. Everything they're feeling is amplified, so their reactions are amplified. Obviously from the outside, people assume it's an overreaction since they can't see what's going on inside the borderline's head. When you sit down and dissect the thought process of someone like Reo, it becomes a lot easier to understand why they react the way that they do to certain situations.
(Also, I'm not going to reiterate more than once that an explanation is not an excuse to treat people poorly. I cannot read ANYTHING on BPD without hearing every 2 minutes how the disorder isn't an excuse to hurt other people. We get it!! I'm explaining it, not excusing it. This enter essay is an analysis of why someone acts the way they do, not whether or not it's excusable)
So then, what behaviors/signs does somebody need to exhibit to receive a borderline diagnosis? The 9 diagnostic criteria for BPD are as follows:
1. Fear of abandonment
2. Unstable or changing relationships
3. Unstable self-image; struggles with identity or sense of self
4. Impulsive or self-damaging behaviors
5. Suicidal behavior or self-injury
6. Varied or random mood swings
7. Constant feelings of worthlessness or sadness
8. Problems with anger, including frequent loss of temper or physical fights
9. Stress-related paranoia or loss of contact with reality
Someone would only need 5 of these to receive a proper diagnosis. Just with the main story and the spin-off manga that is currently released, I think I have enough evidence to argue that Reo has 8 out of 9 criteria for a BPD diagnosis. For the sake of organization, I’m gonna group some of those together though, indicated by a + symbol. I also want to define a few important terms before I start yapping, so that y'all without BPD can understand wtf I'm even talking about.
Favorite Person (fp) - This is someone who holds massive significance in a borderline's life. They emotionally depend on this person a lot and to a certain extent, their worldview almost revolves around them.
Splitting- the change in perception of someone or something caused by black-or-white thinking or dichotomous thinking. It is the devaluation of someone who was once idealized and vice versa.
Mirroring (aka: the chameleon effect)- the constant, unconscious change in one's identity or sense of self by imitating another person’s behaviors, characteristics, or traits. It is common in people who have a vacant or distorted self-image which is a general symptom of BPD.
Now, time for me to break down the most prominent moments where Reo showcases borderline behavior. As I mentioned, I'm going to try and organize this under each criteria point (with some being grouped together)
Unstable self-image; struggles with identity or sense of self:
Before I delve into Reo's relationships, I want to start with his baseline sense of identity. It’s established early on that Reo is a very bored, empty, unsatisfied person. Nothing excites him, nothing motivates him, and everything is handed to him. He’s frustrated because his parents notoriously try and buy his affection even though he doesn't want anything. For most of his life up until the narrative starts, he's wandering through life empty and frustrated. That is, until he finally sets his sights on soccer and decides to dedicate his life to winning the World Cup:
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The wording, 'proves my existence' is interesting here. I think this is the first instance Reo has felt alive. So far, the only notable thing about him has been his family and his money. He hasn't achieved anything exceptional for himself, but now he has that opportunity. With this goal, he can really build something up from nothing and make it his own. It's almost like he's clinging to this dream to prove that he has some purpose in his life other than being the family heir.
Now, this dream changes when he meets Nagi, of course. I'm not gonna focus too much on their relationship in this section, but I will mention that meeting Nagi shifted Reo's entire dream, and not for the better. Through the narrative, his dream went from:
Winning the World Cup
Winning the World Cup with Nagi
Proving to Nagi that leaving him behind was a mistake
Improving himself and becoming a good striker on his own
Being a tool for Nagi to become the best striker
Had Nagi not come in and ask for Reo to come back to him, I think Reo could have done a great job at establishing his own sense of identity without Nagi. But no matter how much he works on himself, with Nagi in the picture, he's never going to value himself more than Nagi. Reo lets Nagi cloud his identity to the point where Isagi calls him out and asks what he's even doing at Blue Lock in the first place, since he clearly can't survive on his own, he needs Nagi with him.
After dealing with the turmoil of being abandoned by Nagi, Reo goes through a few stages. He starts with wanting to become somebody worthy of being beside Nagi, somebody that Nagi would want to choose. Devoting himself to becoming stronger and more versatile, his end goal is to have Nagi realize he made a mistake by leaving him behind. After a few more matches, Reo starts to realize that he needs to grow and change and become a stronger, better version of himself for himself and not for other people.
He decides that the fight was all his fault to begin with, that he should have never forced Nagi to play soccer and now he is going to get back to what his dream was originally, combined with his new desire to be a stand-alone player (and person, for that matter). Reo accepts the mistakes that he made, admits that he shouldn't have forced his ideals onto Nagi, and resolves to become a better person for HIMSELF. That's excellent!
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Of course, Reo can't be happy for TOO long. Nagi comes out of the woodwork saying that he can't beat Isagi on his own and asks for Reo's help. Reo does stand up for himself a bit, saying that Nagi is being inconsiderate of his feelings and mentioning how long it took for him to recover from Nagi leaving. Now, the BPD trait here is how Reo not only forgives Nagi and is jumping on him and hugging him THE NEXT PAGE, but he also just disregards everything he said in this sequence. In a matter of two minutes, he no longer wants to be a player that can fight on his own or improve for himself, he wants to improve for Nagi. He starts ruminating again about how hurt he was when Nagi left, but now he's saying all of it wasn't so that he could get stronger individually, it was so that he could be reunited with Nagi again. Nagi asking for his help and saying that now they can play together again motivate Reo more than anything we've seen so far. (Nagi notoriously throws Reo little affection crumbs like this that Reo eats up, but I'm not trying focus on that) Now, Reo's alright with being a tool for Nagi's success again. Everything that happened was supposed to make him stronger so he could be a better partner to Nagi, right? Reo also says as the chapter ends, to please let him be a part of Nagi's dream until Nagi becomes the world's best striker. That's literally so sad!
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He's also immediately back to the 'our' 'we' 'us' talk as well. If he can master his chameleon style in order to keep Nagi above the rest of the players, he wont get left behind again. If he devotes his time and energy into being a solo striker like the rest of these guys, Reo knows that he wont be able to keep up. This was always supposed to be his role, right? Building Nagi up to his full potential! :*)
I also like the detail that Reo is back to hugging Nagi and holding him, but Nagi never really touches him back. I think Reo's love language is touch for sure, not that it's incredibly relevant, but I do think it shows that Reo is back to being 100% comfortable around Nagi as if their fight never happened. I hear a lot of fans asking how Reo could have forgiven Nagi so easily, and I say this with my entire chest, it's the BPD. The black-and-white thinking combined with Nagi being Reo's fp and the excruciating pain of being abandoned by him in the first place ?? Of course he's going to take him back. Also, I've seen people blame Reo for not saying no to Nagi when he asks for help and I have to say that is an absolutely insane take. How are we gonna look at a panel where Nagi asks for help and then blame Reo for helping him?? I'm not going to focus on it too much in this post but in my opinion, it is crazy how little accountability both the narrative + fans give Nagi. Reo is pegged as responsible for both of their downfalls and it's nuts tbh.
Currently in the story, I think Reo's identity is still centered around Nagi. It's really easy for borderlines to structure their entire lives and personalities around their favorite person, but I can only hope that these two keep having open and honest discussions with one another. Hopefully, Reo will eventually learn that he can exist without Nagi and that he's more than just 'his arms and legs'.
Unstable or Changing Relationships:
The most notable relationship in Reo's life is Nagi. They're both each other's first real friends, which already sets up a less-than-ideal dynamic. Nagi has no idea how to communicate and he has pretty weak emotional intelligence. On the other hand, Reo is great at communicating, but he isn't used to regulating his emotions. For a lot of borderlines, they can go a very long time without experiencing any symptoms when they don't have a favorite person. When you think about it, the bulk of the disorder is shown through those interactions with other people. If Reo has never had a real friend in his life, I don't think he'd be used to the emotional turmoil that comes with having a fp.
The minute Reo meets Nagi, he's attached. All his classmates notice it, too. They question why Reo is suddenly so obsessed with this random kid who has no interest in him. Reo is ignoring everybody that isnt Nagi.
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Very quickly, Reo boils down his view of the world to being him and Nagi versus everybody else, and he makes that very clear. It also depicts something that I think is incredibly crucial to Reo’s character that a lot of people overlook; as Nagi develops to be Reo’s favorite person, Reo’s dream isnt ‘playing soccer’ anymore. It’s Nagi. It’s being with Nagi, playing soccer with Nagi, being useful to Nagi, taking care of Nagi, and being somebody important to Nagi. He doesnt teach Nagi the rules or how to actually play, he teaches Nagi how to play with him. He literally re-writes and re-structures the game so that it can center around him and Nagi. Nagi calls him out on this in the spin-off manga:
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Reo doesnt care about the structure of the game, he cares about Nagi. The other people on the field don't matter. The other team doesn't matter. He also starts to unknowingly put Nagi up on a pedestal, which is another borderline trait. He starts reiterating that Nagi is special, he's different from everybody else, he's destined to achieve great things. The more he raises Nagi up, the more he isolates the two of them in his mind, reiterating the idea that it's them against everybody else. His language reflects this too: Reo exclusively talks with 'us' 'we' 'our', insinuating that they're going to do everything together.
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When Ego says that there can't be two winners, Reo says that he'll make Nagi the best striker. His 'ego' will be making Nagi successful. Along with putting Nagi on this pedestal, Reo also very early on establishes the fact that he'd pick Nagi over himself any day of the week. He's the only person in Blue Lock who really couldn't care less about becoming a striker himself: his dream is to be a tool in Nagi's success. Or, in simpler terms, he wants to be useful and make Nagi happy.
These two were in trouble from the very beginning. Nagi is lazy as all hell, has 0 motivation to do anything, and his dream is to live a life of luxury and never have to work. Reo, being the borderline baddie that he is, is more than happy to do EVERYTHING for Nagi. Borderlines love extremely hard! It's one of our best traits and I think it's important to showcase that Reo is a massive sweetheart at his core. He clearly loves Nagi a lot and goes to extreme lengths to make sure he feels taken care of. To someone with BPD, NOTHING is too big of an ask for a person they love, especially if that person is their fp. I also disagree with the argument that Reo 'made' Nagi codependent. Nagi likes being taken care of, he says it all the time. If you ask me, I would actually argue that Nagi takes advantage of Reo a little bit because he knows that Reo will do anything for him. But regardless, I think that Reo starts to develop an unspoken expectation with Nagi that he'll provide him with everything he needs, and in turn, Nagi will stick around. I don't think he's doing this intentionally, nor do I think it's being done in a manipulative way. I just think that Reo has a dormant fear of being abandoned that he doesn't totally know he has yet.
It isn't just Nagi that Reo showcases having unstable relationships with, though. Zantetsu is another good example. Reo starts out disliking Zantetsu, he snaps at him a couple times, and calls him a moron more than once. He starts to warm up to him because Nagi tells him to. The favorite person has MASSIVE sway in the borderline's life. If Nagi likes someone, Reo likes them too. (This is, of course, on the condition that they aren't a threat, looking at you Isagi).
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In the immediate next chapter, Reo is acting like they're all best friends. He's climbing on top of them in their big bed, saying that the three of them are gonna win their matches, being a little pookie. He goes from not liking this guy at all to considering him one of his close friends super fast. Also on the topic of Isagi, when they're making up the teams for the second selection, Nagi doesn't initially want to tell Reo that he wants Isagi on their team bc he's worried Reo will be upset. But, when he does finally say it, Reo is literally fine with it because like I said, who Nagi likes, Reo likes! On the condition that they don't replace Reo, which clearly happened soon after.
On the opposite side of the spectrum, Reo also shows how he can go from loving someone to despising him very quickly. After Chigiri and Kunigami tell him to get back up in the game post-Nagi's abandonment, we can literally see the switch flip in Reo's head:
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Suddenly, he hates Nagi. Nagi's a jerk who abandoned him; he never cared about him, and he threw him away. Dude literally says "Let's kill the bastards that betrayed us". This act of unintentional devaluing is called splitting. What Reo's essentially doing is going from one extreme to the other: if Nagi isn't his perfect treasure, he's the devil that broke his heart. There's no room for a grey area. The reasoning behind borderline's developing this black-and-white mindset is rooted in self-defense. If Reo devalues Nagi into being nothing more than a traitor, then he's stripping away the power that Nagi has to hurt him. If he looks at him like a rival or a villain, it's protecting him from being hurt by Nagi again.
That doesn't mean that he genuinely believes any of this, more so, he's trying to convince himself that it's true. We see that at his core, the reason he's acting like this is because he's hurt. I'll go more into it later on, but he's constantly thinking, what does Isagi have that I don't? What do I have to do in order to win Nagi back? This black-and-white thinking is an automatic self-defense mechanism that I think he's doing subconsciously. Regardless, the shifting he's doing here can cause a little whiplash, which brings me to:
Varied or random mood swings + Problems with anger, including frequent loss of temper or physical fights:
I can’t think of a better way to describe Reo's temperament than the wiki, so let me quote it: "Generally, he seems to feel every emotion with full force and is extremely aware of his own faults and shortcomings, which is evident in several instances of painful breakdowns shown in the spin-off manga. Due to his high emotionality, he can even get violent when he loses his temper."
Reo is characterized as being emotionally unstable. When he's happy, he's elated! When he's sad, he's miserable. There are a ton of scenes between the manga and spin-off manga that show how fast his emotions can flip, but this one was one of my personal favorites:
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In this scene, Reo has developed a little scheme in the dining hall where the guys are trading their side dishes. At face value, a throwaway moment. But, I think it's worth looking at because not only does this show Reo's emotional response being triggered in an opposite, semi-extreme direction, but the root cause for the reaction was that he felt rejected by Zantetsu. In his own weird way, he's asking Zantetsu to come over and hang out with him. He's not being exceptionally clear with that message, but I can still pick up on it. "You wanna join in, don't you?" He's extending the invite, making himself vulnerable, and Zantetsu shoots him down by saying nah, I'm fine with my noodles. Reo JUMPS on him like YOU KNOW WHAT? I TOOK THAT PERSONALLY! lol. Jokes aside, I think this moment is a great one to argue Reo's BPD tendencies because it's such a seemingly mundane interaction. Even Zantetsu is surprised by Reo's random outburst. This also sets up the fact that one of Reo's most obvious triggers is being rejected/abandoned/betrayed, an extremely common one between those of us with BPD.
Other instances of Reo having a bad temper are a lot more obvious. In the match against teams V and Z, Reo straight up elbows Raichi in the throat, and then tries to go throw hands with Kuon for hurting Nagi. He only stops because if he gets into any more fights, he’ll get thrown out of the game and won't be able to play with Nagi anymore. He’s visibly pissed though and calls Team Z a joke. Hell, even Reo himself can recognize on a certain level that he can't control his emotions: they control him. They cloud his judgment and make him react in ways that he wish he didn't.
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He is constantly plagued by these extreme emotional reactions that are out of his control. Not to say that people with BPD are unable to ever control their emotions, because we can! It takes time and therapy and practice though, which Reo hasn't had. His lack of regulation is also why he has such a dramatic and extreme meltdown when Nagi abandons him.
Fear of Abandonment:
Reo's biggest trigger and the cause of his inner turmoil throughout Blue Lock is his fear of abandonment. I mentioned before that I think he's had this fear dormant inside of him for a while as so many borderlines do, since he hasn't had the chance to experience it before. He alludes to it early on when they first arrive at Blue Lock:
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The thought of leaving Nagi for somebody else? Reo considers that heartless. They came together, after all. They're going to win the world cup together. Nagi could break both of his legs and Reo wouldn't leave him, because again, Reo isn't there to team up with the best player and become the best striker in the world: he's there to play with Nagi!! And, like I said, in Reo's mind it's him and Nagi vs everyone else-
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Reo exhibits a lot of signs early on of being jealous while they're playing in Blue Lock. I mean, as we discussed, everything should be focused around him and Nagi. When Nagi passes to Zantetsu in the team V and Y match, Reo pulls up like 'hey, why didn't you pass it to me?? ):' There are a lot of little moments like that, but Reo's jealousy is a lot more relevant to my argument after he gets abandoned by Nagi.
Let's talk about that word: abandoned. It seems dramatic, right? Reo uses that term constantly and exclusively. Every time he brings that moment up, he uses the word 'abandoned', or he'll say 'betrayed' or 'chose'. These are very definitive words. He’s not saying Nagi ditched him or flaked on him or blew him off, no; he has abandoned him. That word choice may seem disproportionate to the situation, but that's Reo's reality. This was the ultimate betrayal to him. The constant use of that vocabulary reiterates that in Reo's mind, there is no grey area. Either Nagi chooses him, or he chooses someone else. In choosing someone else, he abandons Reo. Reo is paranoid that Nagi isn't ever going to come back to him and it's because of something that Reo is lacking. How can Nagi like Isagi more than him, anyway?
Now, I do fault Nagi a bit for not communicating better at that moment. I understand that he's bad at communication, but I don't think Reo could have been more obviously upset if he tried. The dude was in TEARS. Nagi saw him devastated and then expected everything to be fine when he met him in the bathhouse? Idk. I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he didn't realize it would upset Reo to such an extreme: maybe he thought that they would miss each other, but Reo wouldn't take it personally. I'm doing my best not to harp on Nagi since this is about Reo.
Abandonment is detrimental to people with BPD. It causes extreme inner turmoil that we see with Reo as the story progresses because it is the only thing he can think about. If he isn't trying to cover up his hurt feelings with this idea of revenge, he's self-destructing over being abandoned. He becomes obsessed with wondering why Nagi chose Isagi over him. Was there something wrong with him? Isagi isn't that impressive, why would Nagi rather be with him? These thoughts torture him endlessly and fuel his desire to 'steal' Nagi back. He literally says to Isagi, that he's going to steal Nagi back. Much to his dismay though, Reo starts to notice that Isagi is bringing out some positive traits in Nagi. Nagi's entire vibe is different with Isagi. Nagi is having fun playing soccer without Reo. In fact, he's having more fun. He's making plays he's never made before. His face is visibly different; he's more excited than before.
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This is heartbreaking for Reo. Not only was he right that Isagi did have something to offer Nagi that he couldn't, but Reo is having a massive self-hate spiral during this point as well, so he's internalizing all of his flaws and mistakes while the thought is sitting in the back of his head: did Nagi actually have a good reason for abandoning me? Was I not enough to satisfy him? Did I only drag him down? This gets significantly worse the longer he watches Nagi and Isagi play:
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Everything is falling apart. Nagi is doing completely fine without Reo, and Reo is an absolute mess. We're circling back to Reo's lack of identity here as well. He's watching firsthand that he's losing Nagi to Isagi: what does he do? What happens to him if he loses Nagi, who is he without Nagi? He's overwhelmed during this match and at one point Reo literally screams that he's going to tear apart their connection. Jealousy is consuming him, but it's also those feelings of inferiority and wondering if he really did deserve to be abandoned. If Nagi is so happy without him, maybe he really did have a reason. These are the thoughts that are circling around in Reo's head. Not to mention, he is constantly tortured by the flashbacks of Nagi leaving him, which I think is a great detail. Some readers might say it's just pointless recapping but I disagree, I think it's depicting how traumatic that was for Reo. As a borderline, being abandoned by your fp IS traumatic. Reo relives that moment so many times because so many things trigger it for him throughout Blue Lock. He can't even look at Chigiri and Kunigami without thinking about him and Nagi. It's a really devastating experience that quickly deteriorates him emotionally.
Constant feelings of worthlessness or sadness + Suicidal behavior or self-injury:
One of my favorite things about Reo is the fact that he is self-aware that he's behaving somewhat irrationally, but he doesn't know how to stop. When we look at one of the several times that Reo is curled up crying over Nagi, he mentions how he really did want to tell Nagi to go and have fun, but he didn't. He couldn't. The visuals shift for this too:
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Reo doesnt want to be acting this way, but he can't help it, and that's frustrating to him. It makes him start feeling ashamed of himself. His inner thoughts start to spiral and he feels weak and alone. He's reflecting here on what his true feelings really were at that moment, and how scared and lonely and weak he felt as a result of Nagi leaving him behind.
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These feelings quickly evolve into Reo feeling worthless and falling into bouts of self-hatred. He's so ashamed of the way he's feeling and behaving but it feels so out of his control. He says, "maybe if I hadn't gone to Blue Lock in the first place, I wouldn't have to experience this feeling." As I said before, borderline's feel things EXTREMELY intensely; the disorder is described as living with third-degree burns all over your body. Everything hurts. His feelings are so intense and all-consuming right now, it's all he can think about:
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I saw some posts in the fandom reddit asking why Reo is acting like this. One in particular reads: "I get that he is betrayed and stuff but he is acting like it’s the end of the world, is it explained later why he acts like this? Is it because he doesn’t think he can win without Nagi?" Not to call this person out, I just want to answer the question in this post-
It has nothing to do with winning; it was never about winning. It was always about Nagi.
If we're looking at Reo through the borderline lens, it IS the end of the world for him. Nagi was his world. What's worse, he's fully aware that he's not acting rationally and he doesn't know why, which is making him feel ashamed and weak and embarrassed. Now I know why he's acting like this, but there are no Blue Lock psychiatrists sitting around to wack him with the mood stabilizers or the DBT handbook, so he's gonna stay feeling like a monster.
He lets these thoughts, along with the resentment and anger from being abandoned in the first place, fuel him for the second selection match. As he's watching the game play out, as Nagi is about to score the winning goal, Reo's mind starts racing with intrusive, negative thoughts.
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He's praying that Nagi fails, that he gives up, that he stops trying, anything to stop that solidifying moment where he scores the winning goal and proves once and for all that not only was Reo not strong enough to stop him, but Nagi doesn't need him anymore. He catches himself really quickly, because he realizes he's sounding just like his parents. Everything is spinning out of control so bad, Reo wants Nagi to end up in a vulnerable position so that he isn't the only one falling apart. As he catches himself thinking this, he's disgusted with himself. He calls himself 'utter trash', and as he watches Nagi score the winning goal, he falls to his knees, wishing he was dead.
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As he sits there decomposing in emotional turmoil and suicidal ideation, Nagi's team chooses Chigiri to join them, and it's the nail in the coffin. This is probably Reo's lowest point in the entire story IMO. Nagi comes up to compliment him on his plays and Reo shows us another classic borderline move: he's anticipating how bad it's going to hurt to be abandoned by Nagi again, so he's trying to push him away before it can happen. We see the dichotomy of his spoken words and inner thoughts here, where he's talking big game to Nagi, saying things like 'you clearly don't care about me anymore, you're throwing me away, if you're going to abandon me just do it properly', while internally he's thinking 'I'm the worst, I wish I was dead, please take this bait and break my heart so that I can self destruct in peace'.
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i LOVE the visuals during this moment. This is what Reo thinks is his last line of defense, the last thing he can do to preserve any part of his dignity is to make Nagi hate him so that he'll stop throwing these crumbs of affection at him. It's also really telling that despite his switch in behavior and the devaluing of Nagi, the root of all of that is STILL that he was so hurt by the abandonment.
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I don't think I need to analyze the suicidal ideation because he just straight up says he wants to die like three times in this scene but, aside from that, the visual of his inner thoughts vs what he's actually saying is so powerful. Not to mention the chameleon imagery which i'll geek out about in a second, this is another example of his black and white thinking along with the reiteration that being abandoned was literally traumatic for Reo: he says they can never go back to what they were before. Speaking as a borderline, this is painfully true. When people break my trust even in a small way, I can never view them the same as I used to. I can forgive them and let it go, but I'll never be as open with them as I once was. In Reo's shoes, he had Nagi up on this pedestal that he was perfect and would never do anything to hurt him, but he did hurt him (in the worst way possible).
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After Nagi tells him he's a pain in the ass and that he doesn't care anymore, Reo thanks him for 'finishing him off'. In his mind, they're done now and he can suffer in peace and quiet without dragging Nagi down anymore.
Bonus Point: The Chameleon Effect
I LOVE THE FACT THAT HIS THING IS CHAMELEONS AHHHH
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The chameleon imagery with Reo makes me INSANE dude. As I mentioned towards the beginning of this post, a part of borderline that is seldom talked about is the tendency to take on 'the chameleon effect', or mirror the people around them. REO'S ENTIRE THING IS CHAMELEONS LIKE BFFR ?? That image where he was trying to get Nagi to hate him, was before he even started using his chameleon style, it was just something the authors thought was necessary to include during Reo's mental breakdown. Aside from the cool imagery, his chameleon style is a reflection of his relationship with Nagi. He gets called a jack of all trades and a master of none early on in reference to how when he’s without Nagi, hes not really exceptional at anything. He never really took the time to master one specific thing because he was always so concerned with helping Nagi. This rings my BPD bell for a couple reasons: first of all, when you have no sense of identity and you’re worried it means you have no real personality ?? Steal one!! Take the closest person to you and copy that one. That’s something us baddies know VERY well. Also, think there’s something about you that your fp doesn’t like? Change it! You can morph into anything they want as long as it means they won’t leave you !! :*) Before he makes up with Nagi, he copies moves in hopes that it'll make him stronger and appear more desirable to Nagi. After they make up, he copies whoever he has to so that he can get Nagi to that goal and make himself useful, make himself somebody that Nagi wants to have around. It is a literal direct metaphor for him changing anything and everything about himself for Nagi and graaaahhhh it’s so cool
Reonagi ?? Some thoughts-
I want to close this yap session with my thoughts on Reonagi as a ship. I do think that they can work and I want to make that clear. I'm not on board with the 'borderlines arent capable of having loving and fulfilling relationships' crap. That being said, they both have to put in a bit of effort. Reo has already recognized a lot of his own issues. He admits that he was wrong for pushing his ideals onto Nagi, that he needs to let Nagi grow and be his own person, etc. Nagi really hasn't accepted any fault. I stand by the fact that Nagi needs to be more sensitive with Reo. Way too often when a relationship like this fails, all the blame is put on the one with borderline. I'm gonna be the outlier here and say that if Nagi cares about Reo, he needs to learn about Reo's triggers and be mindful of them. I'm not saying that since Reo is sensitive to abandonment that Nagi should just isolate himself from everybody else, but what I am saying is that when he's going to do something that doesn't involve Reo, he needs to learn how to communicate that he still loves and values Reo. "I'm gonna go play soccer with this person right now, but I haven't forgotten about our promise. When I come back, we can play together. I still love you and I'm not going to leave you for whoever tf I'm playing with rn." (sneaking that 'i love you' in bc like..they're literally canon at this point asdfghjkll) But, I do think that Nagi loves Reo and cares about him in his own way. The two of them just have to keep working on their communication skills. Nagi has the potential to have a hot rich husband who will literally bend over backward for him and buy him all the robux he could ever want, he's gotta put in a shred of effort!
I also like to think that Nagi didn’t totally get the fact that Reo doesn’t gaf about just playing soccer. Nagi thinks soccer is what they do together, it’s what makes reo happy, right? He’s always pushing him to train harder and take the game more seriously because he likes the sport, RIGHT? It would make perfect sense to go play with isagi so that he can get better at soccer and come back to reo a more improved player. Maybe that’s why he was surprised when Reo was so mad in the bathhouse, bc he wasn’t making the connection that Reo cares more about him than soccer. That Reo puts all that energy into him playing soccer because he thinks it’s something that they can have as their own, and once Nagi notices how good he is, he’ll start enjoying it and the two of them can hold hands and run around the soccer pitch!! I think Nagi missed that part tbh, and I don’t think he know that even now in the story. Maybe Reo doesn’t even notice it.
Anyway, a shameless plug to my reonagi playlist if that's your thing (i cooked with this one, i fear) https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5CsvSqmuI4cxOl1nTaV4GJ?si=737a0f21e0bd482a
Closing Thoughts:
Reo is a bpd baddie and I love him very much. I think he's a sensitive guy with a lot of feelings who would benefit from taking time to work through his trauma and his emotions. I hope that he eventually is able to build an identity for himself that doesn't involve Nagi, but baby steps, I suppose. I think Reo is a great balance of positive and negative borderline traits and he reads as a really believable and sympathetic character. He is, however, definitely that friend that you have to slap to stop them from running back to their ex.
Jokes aside though, BPD can be extremely hard to live with, even more so when it's undiagnosed and untreated. If someone you love has BPD, take the time to read up on it and do your best to understand them. I promise you, it will mean the world to them.
If you managed to get this far, thank you for reading! This was a messy stream of consciousness and I appreciate your support by listening.
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driftingmoonmenace · 3 months
Note
🤲Please rant to us about the Guard Dog AU
Well ok, if you say so, Anon! 👀💕
So this is me being very indulgent Menace once again, and I'm sure you'll notice a pattern with me when it comes to themes and tropes I lean towards. LMAO 😂(Also this is in the very early rough concept stage so things might get tweaked with time!)
BUT ANYWAYS, so very futuristic city!! I'm talkin' like Akira/Cyberpunk 2077/Ghost In The Shell/etc style where it's very dense, neon lights everywhere, hologram ads, advanced technology, the works.
FazCo. is in the entertainment industry, but not the kid-friendly kind. They've found that the creature pit fighting scene has been a big hit globally and wanted to cash in on the big profits. Lots of rich people like to host and sponsor these matches typically and attendees are able to place bets. So Fazco. started to develop several of their own homemade creatures to throw into the ring.
A lot of these creatures typically have one to two human handlers who represent them and are in charge of taking care of them, training them, escorting them within the venues, basically everything. It pays well enough, but there is also the very real danger of their assigned creature killing them so it's a high risk job.
These creatures vary in all shapes and sizes. (Though typically they're much, much bigger than humans.) Some are organically lab made, some are organic but have technological augmentations, others are purely robotic. As long as they're able to fight and entice a crowd, that's all that matters.
Sun and Moon are unique within this world. They're partially organic, but heavily augmented, (so kind of a cyborg type of thing) which is nothing new, but their 'brain' is completely robotic and allows them to switch between their duel A.I.s.
Fazco.'s idea for them was basically 'why not have a creature that can switch up their fighting style at a moments notice to keep the opponent on their toes?' without really thinking of the consequences of that. :) (And the only way you can tell which is which is their subtle eye change (and demeanor but eyes are the easiest). Double white for Sun, double red for Moon, and their ace up their sleeve, red and white for both aka Eclipse.)
Y/N decides to apply for the handler job. (The previous handlers all had unfortunate accidents but they don't have to know that.) They know what they're getting into and risks involved but really they're only in it for the money. They'd like to get out of their shithole of a neighborhood and being able to travel is a nice perk, so eh why not. They don't have any real self preservation so as long as they're enjoying the ride that's all that matters to them.
Cue them actually getting to know Sun and Moon over time and 'oops I've become attached and man...this life must suck for them...I'm gonna pull a Free Willy. :)' But not without numerous fights in between, lots of danger with the wrong people, near death situations, etc etc first. And Sun and Moon getting attached themselves with time and being a big ol' guard dog. (And maybe a little tiny bit of love between em cause that's the monster fucker in me talking. LMAO)😌
But yeah that's all I got!! I'm happy to see and hear y'all are so interested in this AU so far!! 💕
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rainswept · 8 months
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you ask for Fontaine brain rot/reqs, I deliver.
So idk if you've done the recent archon quest and lyney/lynette story quest so if you haven;t be careful caus i will be spoling !
SO
That part where Lyney is freaking out over Freminet and Lynette had me SCREAMING especially since ive done their story quest AND ALSO FRIENDSHIP 10 LYNEY SO I HAVE THE LORE AND IT HURTS SM but I won't spoil all that for u-
so anyways, i started thinking, imagine Lyney has a lover who's been with the siblings for years (and also works for Arlecchino) and is considered another sibling by Lynette and Freminet. They were also diving with Freminet when they encountered water from the primordial sea
now imagine clorinde can only take one person with her at a time when she pulls them back, and she saves Freminet first, later going back for Lyney's s/o
Eventually Freminet wakes up like he does in the quest, but the reader just.. doesn't. Hours pass and the siblings are freaking tf out because they don't want to lose anyone.
(now I can't decide if I crave angst or if I want to comfort my babies so ill give my headcanons for both shiguegoe)
angst: Lyney's lover keeps deteriorating, parts of them gradually turning blue and quite literally withering away (caus you know the water and the dissapearances- yeah-) and the siblings can do nothing but watch
Lynette shuts down more frequently and for longer periods, not even saying anything to Lyney
Freminet blames himself for not noticing sooner, for not getting them out sooner
And then there's Lyney.. he blames himself for not only putting his siblings in danger, but losing his lover...
He sits by their bed watching as they wither away, holding their hand. He knows Father will be upset by his lack of comitment to the mission but he can't bring himself to care
The day they pass, no one says a word. They continue with their mission, report to Father, go on with their Fontainian lives until they're alone and they cry. they cry and scream and curse whatever archons or god's are listening.
AND NOW BEFORE I CRY THE HAPPIER VERSION
After days of not waking up, they finally open their eyes.
Lyney is fretting over them asking if they know where they are, who he is, what happened etc
now to throw in a tidbit of angst, what if they awoke with some disability? like they cant see anymore, they can't hear properly, cant walk properly etc
Lyney and Freminet would devasted because they blame themselves. Lynette would be quick to remind her brothers at least everyone is alive.
It'd be bad because with a disability, they can't work for Father anymore, or at least not the way they used to
AHHEOGUHEOG im stuck in a neverending brain rot my guy
Anyways. I was actually going to request for you to write your own take on this but you don't have to if you dont want- even just hearing your take would be nice lmao
also if its ok i reallly wanna be mutuals! I just found you blog and im obssesed!! I really wanna be friends<3
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NO BECAUSE I SCREECHED SO LOUD MULTIPLE TIMES READING THIS !! THANK U SO MUCH YES OFC I WANNA BE MUTUALS/FRIENDS!! genuinely absolutely made my day to have u ask that oh my god??
also don’t worry about spoiling anything for me, i’ve read every little bit of lyney/lynette/freminet lore out there 😭 and i’ve done all of the new fontaine archon quests already (i need help. it’s okay though!)
as for angst — u know me so well already this is my forte. cracks knuckles here i go
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freminet feels as if something is off.
already beginning to panic, he turns to you in a hurry. the water swishes in his ears. when you meet his gaze, wide-eyed, the gut ‘feeling’ turns into a full-blown punch to it. oh, now he realizes; he can’t breathe. his heart’s racing, chest tightening and throat feeling as if it’s closing up.
you reach out, and exchanging unspoken words, you two turn around and make to retrace your patterns with haste. hand in hand, you race against frittered time; but even your best efforts are not enough, and the both of you are forced to acknowledge it when freminet’s vision begins to turn spotty.
he got in the water first; he’s gone before you are. his body floats limp beside you as you drag him along through the water, even as the surroundings grow hazy for you, too. a cold tingle runs up your spine as you consider the possibility; is this the end?
(when you had left for the pipes, the most you had exchanged with lyney was a quick kiss on the cheek as a goodbye. that wouldn’t do.)
but even as you try desperately to cling to life .. the “sea” is a cruel thing, and it does not care for your mortal frivolities. (a proper goodbye? .. foolish.) with cold, disorienting water enveloping your senses from all sides, your only grounding thing being freminet’s (rapidly cooling) fingers against yours — it didn’t take long before you succumbed to the “sea”, too.
(your last thought as the world went dark was “i’m sorry.”)
(even in your barely conscious state, you feel another wave of panic surge through you when freminet’s fingers slip away from yours — but you don’t have enough energy to hold on.)
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reader lives:
the incessant thrum of the water rushing through pipes rattled in your ears. your whole body was sore, weak and tired; and all of your limbs felt like lead attached to you via shoddy workmanship. your head hurt like hell, and what’s worse is that the moment you opened your eyes, you were immediately met with the sight of the three people you cherished most.
first, there was freminet, who was sitting on the bed opposite to yours. his posture fixes from a slouch into proper the moment he spots you, perhaps in.. excitement? shock? you weren’t sure. his eyes lit up, though.
second, there was lynette. she was .. a bit more on edge than usual. that was .. to be expected, of course, but really. you were out for.. what, an hour or two? come on, all four of you put yourselves in danger all the time. what was different about this?
(what was different was the fact that you were not out for an hour or two. no, make that days. they were sure to remind you of this.)
then, there was lyney. for him, the world seemed to stop.
lyney, who was pacing the room in sheer desperation. he walked and walked, boots timed and in tune with the clocks and dripping water from the pipes. in his nervousness, he had unwittingly created a quite fitting melody.
(the only sounds once he ceases walking are the clocks and the water dripping from the pipes.)
lyney, who had rushed to your bedside the moment he had noticed you were up. he looked exhausted, but the second you were awake the mask was .. attempted .. to be put back on. however .. it didn’t take someone as observant as you, or even one who knew him so well, to notice that it was placed crooked.
(how absurd he looked, trying to put on a front everyone in the room knew was one.)
why, even, you would have bet that it could’ve been surmised by a child. once again, emphasis on ‘you would have’, for there was no time for thinking about that when he rushed to your bedside and enveloped you into an embrace. you didn’t miss the way his fingers grasped at the back of your shirt in downright desperation.
(in clear, bold letters, it reads; “if nothing else, please let this be real.”)
he slots himself beside you and, wordlessly, holds you close. he doesn’t need words — neither of you do. this is enough.
lynette and freminet looked on, neither of them opening their mouths when lyney buries his face into the crook of your neck and stays there for just a bit too long. he doesn’t cry. instead, he whispers shakily against your skin; “i thought i’d lost you.”
(the only sounds once he ceases speaking are the clocks and the water dripping from the pipes.
(no one speaks up just yet.)
(the only sounds in the room are the clocks and the water dripping from the pipes.)
(you’re starting to think those were the only sounds ever there.)
when he finally pulls away, you notice he’s fixed his mask. lyney now smiles, and the shake in his voice is gone; but you know it’s not all better, not when he refuses to leave the infirmary even after sigewinne and the traveler inquire. you know it’s not all better, not when the four of you are alone again. lyney sits beside you on the bed, refusing to so much as stand up (he doesn’t want to let go of your hand. you don’t comment on it, but his fingers are still shaky as he holds onto yours like they’re a lifeline.)
you don’t exchange as much as a single word after that. you just bask in each other’s presence, apologies and pleas and “i love you” shared during every lingering glance between everyone in the room.
the four of you don’t need words. this is enough.
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reader dies:
seven mistakes went unnoticed. seven signs went unfollowed. seven things (and five people) went wrong that day.
one: freminet.
it was entirely freminet’s fault, he thinks, it was. if only he had gotten you out of there in time. no — he shouldn’t have even brought you. he sits on the infirmary bed opposite to yours, knees pulled up to his chest, and he clutches pers with a death grip. he dips his head in such a way that his face is hidden with his hair; he doesn’t want to let lyney and lynette see him in this state. they have enough to deal with.
two: the primordial sea.
but they were bound to notice eventually, right?
“it was entirely the primordial sea’s fault,” lynette would remind, hand on freminet’s shoulder. “it wasn’t yours.”
the primordial sea. the cold and vicious waters were such a contrast to those he held so dear; what was typically calming and merciful turned to something suffocating and terrifying. but that didn’t change the fact that it was an inanimate thing.
he drops pers at the contact; it clatters to the floor; he looks down, wide-eyed and apologetic; he reaches down to pick it up. lynette does not put her hand on his shoulder again.
three: wriothesley.
“it was entirely wriothesley’s fault,” lyney wants to scream. he’s frantic, pacing the infirmary and voice cracking every time he speaks. lynette and freminet have seldom seen him so panicked. he needs to do something, he needs— he can’t. he can’t leave. once he gets his hands on wriothesley, he swears he’ll—
four: clorinde.
it was entirely clorinde’s fault. it was entirely her choice to pick only one of you to save. no one can bring themselves to be upset at her, for she did try to save both of you. but the realization slowly dawns upon the three children of the house of the hearth still with a steady heartbeat; it was either going to be you or freminet.
they realize this at different times. every time they do, they exchange a silent, quick glance.
freminet would’ve gladly given up his life. lyney and lynette, however .. they would not have been able to choose.
five: the gods.
it was entirely the gods’ fault. curse the gods, lyney thinks. he’s still pacing the room, and while he never put much stock in the divine, he was practically yelling at them now. he knew it wasn’t logical. but he needed something. what was the point of a god if not to help their people? what was the point of a god if just to watch people suffer like it’s an opera?
was she here now? was she watching? was this a “twist” for her? did she delight in this?
six: lyney.
it was entirely lyney’s fault. he shouldn’t have let you or freminet go. he shouldn’t have. he shouldn’t have let wriothesley play him like he was a deck of cards in his hands. this was all his fault. all his fault. he knew of the prophecy, dedicated his whole life to it — and yet hadn’t managed to save you from its clutches?
seven: you.
in truth — it was no one’s fault. but lyney is still pacing the room, breathing getting heavier and more rapid every time he steals a glance at you. lynette’s eyes still trace his every move, conveniently ignoring the sight of you as best she could; and freminet still has his face buried in his knees as to not look at your decaying body.
none of them can deal with the fact that it was simply an accident. no one meant for this to happen — there was no one to blame.
they needed someone to blame.
so each and every one of them blamed themselves. as lyney’s fingers grasped your cold ones, he squeezed them softly even as they began to turn blue beneath his grasp. he couldn’t bare to let you go.
and after three long days, the sun rose to find your bed empty where you had laid. you were nowhere to be found. for a moment, lyney’s heart practically leapt out of his chest, wondering .. did you get up?
but as he rushes to the bedside, his face falls. he should’ve known not to get his hopes up.
the blankets were damp where you had laid, soaked with water just as the stage in the opera epiclese had been.
lyney didn’t cry, nor did lynette or freminet.
they didn’t exchange so much as a word the day you died.
instead, they put their aching hearts and empty souls into the mission at hand. they worked twice as hard to distract themselves, and they provided excellent results for “father” — but they had barely worked together to do so.
they exchanged cold words and they held each other at night, when the pain became too much — because as much as they tried to pretend like nothing happened, that was a lie, just as the rest of their existence — but there was no mistaking it. they were now divided.
there was always you. and now there wasn’t.
lynette was the one who informed “father” of your .. whereabouts. lyney couldn’t bring himself to.
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