Tim: “I need to tell you something”
Bruce: “What did you do??”
Tim: “when Alfred was doing our taxes he noticed a missing check”
Bruce: “what did you do???”
Tim: “Before I answer do you trust me enough to understand that it was for a good reason and just leave it at that?”
Bruce: “What. Did. You. Do.”
Tim: “it’s all Jason’s fault! He is a BAD person, I’ve been telling you for years!”
—————
Bruce to Jason: “WHAT DID YOU DO?”
Jason: “okay now before I answer that-“
Bruce: “just tell me whatcha did”
Jason: “I got a DUI”
Bruce: “Jason!”
Jason: “it’s not as bad as it sounds”
Bruce: “How is driving drunk not bad???”
Jason: “I wasn’t exactly driving”
Bruce: “I don’t follow.”
Jason: “I was at the bar with Damian and I had a few”
Bruce: “DAMIAN?!”
—————
Damian: “With God as my witness I’ve never been to that bar in my life.”
Jason: “He knows.”
Damian: “Oh I’ve been there a bunch”
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there’s a lot of interesting stuff that can be made by examining the objectively scary stuff the robins face in a realistic light, but also? i really like the robins making trauma jokes. humor’s a coping mechanism that makes a lot of sense for them, given their previous role as the lighter side of batman. and, perhaps more importantly, i think it’s funny
Dick: did you just house an entire family-sized bag of chips? by yourself, in less than an hour?
Jason: as an orphan, i qualify as a family of one
Steph: but you died too, so that would make you a family of zero
Damian: multiple of us have died. it doesn’t make anyone special. i, however, am naturally special, on account of being heir to the batman
Steph: ah, heck. well, i’m no longer special, guess it’s time to fake my death and flee to africa
Dick: are you really heir to the batman, though, if bruce kicking it anytime soon would just put me in the cowl? which is a terrible job, by the way, to which nobody should brag about being heir?
Tim: hey, guys. has anyone seen my chips? i coulda sworn i…
Jason: [makes direct eye contact as he tips the bag up, funneling the bottom-bag chip crumbs into his mouth]
Jason: oh, sorry. did someone take something from you? steal it, perhaps?
Tim: [deep breath]
Tim: do you want guns batman. because this is how you get guns batman
Dick: [muttering] at least someone wants the job
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Batfamily Powerpoint Night! (Part 5: Cass)
<<Part 4: Jason | Part 6: Steph >>
[Masterlist]
Cass: (signs) My turn :)
Steph: Before we begin, I want to clarify that I only wrote the words on the slide and they are exactly as Cass told me to write them. Everything else is alllllll her.
Bruce (stressed): If you are denying responsibility I can’t imagine what I’m about to see.
Dick: Favorite colors? Steph what’s so bad about that?
Steph: It’s... you’ll see.
Cass: :)
Jason: Shocking from a vigilante who called herself “Black Bat”
Tim: Steph this seems fine?
Steph (sweating): Guys just wait
Cass: :)
Barbara: Specific...
Steph: I do love those shorts :)
Duke: Steph was that your big surprise?
Steph: Oh, no. No it’s not.
Dick: Um so when did you take that photo of my bed? And why have you been in there enough to know my multiple sets of bedsheets?
Cass: :)
Tim: I mean they are a nice color
Dick: Aw thanks Tim
Jason: UM? THAT IS A PHOTO OF MY KITCHEN?
Tim: We already established that we regularly break into your apartment
Jason: ROY INSTALLED THOSE TILES YESTERDAY.
Cass: :)
Jason: I hate all of you. But I’ll tell Roy that you like it or whatever
Damian: Brown, I believe I am beginning to recognize the pattern that worried you.
[Stephanie sinks into her chair]
Duke: Oh no. Flattered, but oh no
Tim: Duke. Duke what is that
Barbara: Oh my god that’s like... iOS -5
Duke: LOOK I like my phone :(
Jason: So you haven’t updated it since 2010?
Duke: i get it i need to change my password can we please move on
Tim: CASSANDRA.
Jason: Oh my god
Tim: WERE YOU IN THE CEILING? CASS WHAT IS THIS
Cass: :)
Damian: All of your inabilities to detect Cassandra’s presence is rather sad. I would know immediately if someone entered my space or tampered with my possessions.
Jason: So I assume you knew all about this “tampering” then, Gremlin?
Damian: move forward move forward move forward
Dick: Aw, Damian! You never show us your art!
Damian: it’s not even finished please god stop looking at it Cassandra progress with the presentation
Bruce: That is very nice, son.
Damian: ...thank you Father.
Cass: :)
Tim: IS THAT BRUCE SLEEPING
Jason: HOW DID YOU...?
Dick: Oh my god...
Bruce: I don’t even... okay. Yeah, sure. Thank you Cassandra.
Cass: :)
Duke: Cass, I hope you know you terrify me.
Damian: This was... educational.
Steph: I thought that would go worse honestly
Tim: I mean we already know she’s kinda creepy like that, at least the intentions are good?
Jason: Or she’s totally messing with us. And I don’t think we’ll ever know that answer.
Cass: :)
Steph: Alright well I can go next :)
<<Part 4: Jason | Part 6: Steph >>
[Masterlist]
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