#‘well pansexuals find the same things attractive in all genders but bisexuals find different things attractive in different genders’ | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

trendfag · 11 months

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remember when people were saying that the difference between bisexuality and pansexuality was that pansexuals had a type

#‘well pansexuals find the same things attractive in all genders but bisexuals find different things attractive in different genders’#what are you talking abouttttttt 😭

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strangermask · 18 days

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Aight, never thought I would be making a post about the #savemyboycole thing but here I am

Listen

With all due respect

Cole is heavily queer coded, and most people in the fandom interprets Cole being queer. Whether he’s gay, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, aromatic: it all depends on how you see it (the great thing about headcanons)

Was it ever stated he was gay in canon? No

Was it ever stated he was straight in canon? Not really.

Now you might say: “But the season three love triangle!” Literally it was confirmed by the writer that Cole wasn’t attracted to Nya during that. (If anyone is able to find the link to that post, please share)

Also: may I remind you that people can realize they aren’t straight after dating or even marrying a person the opposite gender. Hell, people can even know they aren’t straight and still present as one if they aren’t out yet. My brother is an example of the latter.

Now again, I don’t wish to be disrespectful because this is fan media and we all interpret things differently. I know we all don’t see the characters same. If you think Cole is straight, that is your interpretation and I can’t change it. But throwing a fit like this and trying to shove “make Cole straight” propaganda is not going to end well on your part. Especially in a fandom filled with mostly queer people

Another problem: contacting the new writers to make Cole straight? What happens if they don’t answer. Are you going to harass the writers to adjust to your likings? Like how the Voltron fandom did with Klance and ruining the ship for half the people? Like how the bmha fandom constantly harassed and sent death threats to the team to make certain ships canon? I don’t want to bring these up, but these things that have happened is exactly why we shouldn’t contact show writers to fix something we don’t like. Even if these events centered around ships, they were ruined for people. This could lead to Cole being ruined as a favorite character (and I hope it doesn’t come to that point)

All I ask, is that to please think critically about your actions and how it can affect everyone. This is not the way to go. Right now, we are only making jokes. But if it escalates beyond that, expect a much worse backlash

#mask talks #ninjago #hate im putting this under the ninjago tag #but its important #apologies if this worded poorly #i am very tired

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leviackermanscleaningbuddy · 10 months

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Don’t know if this has been asked or mentioned yet for the Pack but what are their sexualities?

(Love you writing btw ❤️)

"This can be a sensitive subject for a lot of people for quite a few different reasons." You caution immediately, and everyone in the pack nods in agreement. You give a slight smile. "Most of us are very comfortable and settled into our chosen sexualities, so we're comfortable talking about and discussing it, but just know, even if you're not sure where you fall on the scale or are currently dealing with some internalized issues, you are always welcome and safe here with us.

"Yep." Chan nods seriously. "Out of the closet, in the closet, wherever you are currently, we love and support you and your choices and we understand the difficulties and stigmas with deciding and coming to to terms with who you are and how to present that."

"That being said-" You smile a bit bigger now. "I think it's pretty safe to say that we're all part of the queer community here."

"What part of this-" Hyunjin gestures to the other eight members of the pack with amusement. "-looks straight to you?"

You laugh. "So, the whole polyamory thing, that more comes from the wolf side of our genders and personalities. Wolves are not loners, they need a pack, but also, as humans and people, we needed to be okay with that too obviously for this to work."

"Yep." Jisung is nodding now. "Because your wolf side can be all gungho about the idea of a pack, but if you as a person don't believe you can love more than one person at the same time, then you're definitely going to struggle. And that's okay."

"As far as personal sexuality-" You muse, glancing around at the pack. I think we all kind of fall into the same spectrum, but with individual differences and different labels."

"I've known I was bisexual for as long as I can remember." You go on, looking thoughtful. "My parents didn't like the idea at first, but when I had my first girlfriend in high school, they came around. It's always just felt natural for me to find the beauty in both males and females."

"I'm also bi." Changbin adds, nodding his head. "Though unlike (Y/N), I think I fought more with alpha stereotypes for a long time-from myself mostly, but also other people-and that stopped me from really exploring and realizing that truth about myself until I graduated high school and moved away for college."

"And now he's just a fucking flaming queer." Hyunjin teases, grinning at the alpha, as he leans over and presses a kiss to his cheek, Changbin rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, something like that."

"I was kind of a late bloomer as well." Chan cocks his head, considering for a moment. "I didn't realize being bisexual was even an option honestly until I got to high school and met some pretty open minded classmates. I also made the realization coincidentally around the time I first met Felix."

He grins over at the omega and Felix grins back.

"Weird how that happens, huh hyung?"

"Yeah, weird." Chan agrees, grinning even bigger now.

Felix laughs at the head alpha's antics. "I'm bisexual as well. Definitely known since I was a kid, my parents were always super supportive, I was lucky that way. Helping Chan-hyung find out his sexuality in high school was also kind of fun, if you know what I mean."

Jisung guffaws and Chan blushes.

"I'm pansexual, and I think I've cognitively known for a long time." Hyunjin volunteers. "I've always never really cared much about genders-primary or secondary-and always just been attracted to people because of who they are, not what they are."

"Same." Jisung agrees, nodding enthusiastically. "Gender has never mattered to me when it came to partners. In the past or present. I remember when I was first figuring it out, I got a little freaked out, because one day in middle school, I had the thought 'wow, that's kind of hot' in reference to one of my fellow guy friends working out, and I thought I was having some sort of mental health break at thirteen. Turns out I'm just attracted to everyone-no matter the gender-who fits my checklist in personality."

He grins, and Hyunjin laughs in shared sympathy.

"I think I'm also pansexual, honestly." Jeongin interjects thoughtfully, and Jisung gives him an affectionate look across the room. "I used to think` maybe I identified as bisexual like noona and the hyungs, but the more I've grown and learned about myself, the more I can see that I'm attracted to traits and not body parts."

"And that's definitely okay." Chan nods at the youngest encouragingly. "Gender and sexuality is a fluid scale as far as I'm concerned, and you can change or adjust or tweak at any time as you find out more about yourself."

"I'm demisexual." Seungmin announces, shifting slightly to cross his arms over his chest. "You have to win my affection and loyalty by proving to me that we have an emotional connection."

"You also have to compete in a joust." Jisung teases, and the other beta smacks him lightly.

"Physical means nothing to me without the foundation there first." Seungmin continues, ignoring Jisung's jibes. "That's why I told noona 'no, but I could' when she first asked me if I liked her like I liked Changbin. The connection was being built between us, maybe more than study buddies at the time, but it wasn't quite there yet, not enough for me to feel romantic toward her."

"And I appreciated the honest. Even if I cried in the shower about it later." You tease back with a slight smile in the beta's direction.

"I am also demi." Minho shrugs a shoulder casually. "You could be the hottest person on the goddamn planet, but if I don't know you and I don't have anything built with you, I couldn't care less. Big dicks don't impress me if there's not big feelings behind them."

"Get that on a t-shirt." Hyunjin points at Minho, and Jeongin hurriedly whips out his phone and opens his notes app.

"On it, hyung. Writing this down for later reference."

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olderthannetfic · 2 years

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In response to that bi and pan ask: can someone explain the difference between bisexual and pansexual? I never have a clear definition, every time I read one they seem interchangeable.

--

Also: maybe I just read it wrong, but I think OP was saying that the person's comment about pansexuality not existing implied all that biphobic stuff, not that they were calling bisexuality biphobic. Or whatever.

The distinction as stated at a "Bi+" support group I went to a couple of years ago was "LOL, not much". (This is from people leading a support group, some of whom were pan themselves. Truly, the massive distinction is something for college freshmen arguing terminology.)

The reality is that these different multi-attraction labels are largely a matter of personal taste. Some people choose pan to emphasize that they find gender irrelevant to their attraction. But the actual definition of bisexuality has never been and continues to not have anything to do with whether you pay attention to gender. All of those sorts of (flagrantly biphobic) definitions of 'bi' exist to help justify why 'pan' is a distinct and important label. (Which, admittedly, would happen less if people would stop constantly questioning whether the label needs to exist.)

You will never have a clear definition because there is virtually no difference in the actual behavior of bi and pan people, and the differences in nuance and emphasis in the terms aren't things all people with these labels agree on. (But those differences in emphasis are why some people do prefer labels other than bi.)

--

Yes, OP was saying that, and in saying that, they were being an asshole.

What they said was:

"I saw a blog that said pan orientations are the same as bi orientations, and that by using or being pan, you're bring biphobic, and I want to yerk. No, this doesn't completely imply that there are only two genders (cis man and cis woman), or that people who do fall outside those gender boxes are broken, or that there shouldn't be a word to describe anyone who doesn't fit either of those genders. Yerk yerk."

The "No..." is clearly sarcastic. They mean that saying "Bi and pan are the same" does imply the rest of this.

I can well believe that whatever post they were looking at was shitty too, but their conclusion only follows if you are a raging biphobe who is using a fake definition of bisexuality.

You can be any gender yourself and be bi. You can be attracted to any gender and be bi. You can be attracted to trans people with binary genders and be bi. You can not care about gender and be bi.

Anyone who tries to deny any of that is a bigot.

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pride-database · 1 year

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The Multiple-attraction spectrum/M-spec.

Bi flag, by Michael Page:

According to the author, pink represents same-gender attraction, blue opposite-gender attraction, and purple the intersection and overlap of the two.

Meaning of Bi (—often followed by the type of attraction it refers to: sexual→bisexual, romantic→biromantic, and so on):

The most comprehensive definition of this orientation is attraction to 2 or more genders/to more than one gender.

Bi can overlap with other orientations that exist to refer to attraction to multiple genders, such as Pan and Ply (which you can find below). When going by the above definition, Bi can be seen as an umbrella term containing these: some people refer to this as the Bi+ spectrum, which is synonymous with M-spec.

Other definitions of bi in use are:

attraction to both one's same gender and at least one different gender;

attraction to men and women;

attraction to two genders (that can be any two).

These last three definitions don't apply to all bi people, but are nonetheless used by some.

Things you should know about bi people:

Bi people aren't just "confused", or "can't pick a side".

Coming out as bi shouldn't be assumed by other people to be just "a stepping stone towards identifying as gay".

Bi people are not "half gay, half straight". In fact, some may even have a preference for one gender above the others, and it doesn't make them "less bi".

It is also incorrect to refer to them as "straight" when they have a partner of the opposite gender, and "gay" when of the same gender. Bi people are always bi, no matter who they're in a relationship with at the moment.

Not all bi people are duogamous (=having two partners simultaneously, one male and one female). It doesn't make them less valid as bi.

A common misconception is that bi people are "promiscuous", or will cheat on their partner with someone of a different gender; these are harmful stereotypes. Just because bi people have more choice in partners, doesn't mean they get laid more often than people who only like one gender (and even then, there's nothing bad with having an active sex life). And many straight people cheat as well, but no-one goes around saying "straight people are naturally cheaters"!

Additionally, someone's bi identity intersecting with being polyamorous (being in a relationship involving more than one partner, with knowledge and consent from all people involved) shouldn't be a reason for shaming. Bi polyamorous people aren't responsible for creating or perpetuating these negative stereotypes.

A note on "bi" and non-binary exclusion:

Despite what the root bi- (meaning "two" in Greek) would make it seem like, this label has never necessarily implied a gender binary (the belief that there are only 2 genders, male and female).

In fact, the 1990 Bisexual Manifesto says «Do not assume that bisexuality is binary or duogamous in nature: that we have “two” sides or that we must be involved simultaneously with both genders to be fulfilled human beings. In fact, don’t assume that there are only two genders».

Pan flag, by Jasper Varney:

The pink stands for women, the blue for men, and the yellow for non-binary people.

Meaning of Pan (—often followed by the type of attraction it refers to: sexual→pansexual, romantic→panromantic, and so on):

There are two common definitions in use:

1) attraction to all genders

2) attraction to people regardless of gender. In other words, gender does not play a role in the attraction; rather, there are other elements a pan person's attraction focuses on.

Difference with bi:

Whereas bi means "attraction to 2 or more genders"—which practically means bi people can be attracted to from as little as 2, to as many as all genders—pan always means "attraction to all genders". It is less ambiguous, so some people prefer it over bi to specify this.

Also, following the second definition of pan, it usually excludes the possibility of having a gender preference, since pan people often refer to their attraction as "gender-blind". (Note: that does not mean pan people don't see people for what gender they are; it's only in terms of potential attraction).

Things you should know about pan people:

Pan people aren't attracted to "anything that moves"; pan isn't synonymous with paraphilias. The meaning of the Greek root "pan-", which translates to "all", stands for "all genders", nothing else!

Don't refer to the pan orientation as "attraction to men, women, and trans people". Trans men and women aren't a third gender!

Pan people aren't just "bi but trying to feel special". The choice of the label pan over the label bi is purely a personal preference; they also convey slightly different meanings. Some people even use both simultaneously!

Pan people at large don't think bi people are transphobic. This has been a long debate, and hopefully it's been sorted out for good: "pan" is more explicit about there being more than two genders, so some people feel more comfortable with that, but that doesn't mean they don't understand the history of the bi community and how it has always included non-binary people!

For other common misconceptions, refer to the ones about bi people.

Ply (a.k.a. Poly) flag, by Tomlin:

The pink stands for women, the blue for men, and the green for non-binary people.

Note: "Ply" is usually preferred to "Poly" as the shortened version of Polysexual/polyromantic/etc., because poly is usually short for Polynesian.

Meaning of Ply/Poly:

Attraction to multiple, but not all, genders.

Not to be confused with polyamory.

Difference with bi:

Ply people, like bi people, are capable of being attracted to more than one gender. However, bi people can like up to all genders, while ply people specify that they don't like all genders, only some.

For example, a ply person might be attracted to men and non-binary people, but not to women. Each ply person's range of possible attraction is different, so it is best to ask.

Hopefully this helps clear out the distinction. Shout-out to all my fellow m-specs! 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

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ellie-probably · 5 months

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hey so I saw your post about helping a friend with their identity and I was wondering if you could help me with mine

So I present as pansexual but sometimes my brain says that I’m just straight because the only people that I’ve found that are also supportive are only girls (my sex is male) and I’m starting to wonder if it’s true. I can’t remember if it’s something like imposter syndrome or what it is, but I just wanted to ask about it.

I mean I want to be in a queer relationship but then my brain is like “you’re just saying you’re gay to look cool” or “you say you’re gay but you’re just an ally”

And I feel the same way about my gender identity, I present as non-binary and want to get non-binary gender affirming surgery and other procedures, but my brain’s like “you just want the surgery to have more sex” and I don’t know what to believe.

Thanks if you can help and sorry for “trauma (if that’s the right word)” dumping.

so first off, you are valid as hell. you dont need to fully know who you are yet, it takes forever to figure this stuff out. like i only recently came to terms with my gender and am still figuring out my attraction. no matter where you are in your journey you are valid as hell.

with that out of the way, i can't tell you how you're meant to be attracted towards peoples. you could be omnisexual, you could be romantically/sexually attracted to girls only but different attraction types such as alterous for other genders, you could be abrosexual (like genderfluid but for sexuality), or something else entirely.

however i have two bits of advice for you, both in the form of quotes.

"but what if that little queer crush is completely insignificant in my life now and I've basically forgotten it???" i hear you say. well now i have a quote from a book called Imogen, Obviously, where main character Imogen is having a bisexual crisis over a girl, and is talking to her sister Edith about it.

one of them is from onetopicatatime from youtube (i highly reccomend for some chill but also educational content about lgbtqia+ things), who i remember saying once "if you think you're faking it, you're probably not." if you relate to queer experiences, or you think you might have had a queer crush at one point, then dont disregard that!! this community is more than large enough for you, and all of your experiences are valid, no matter what.

Even if you and another pan person on the internet both identify as pan, and that person has been hooking up with literally anybody they find mildly hot at a bar, and you've had a few small crushes on small selections of people who happen to all be the same gender, that doesnt mean you're less valid. maybe they're older than you and have had more time to be attracted to people. maybe theres no cute/hot boykissers at your school/work/etc.

i'm not pan, but the definition describes the potential for being attracted to people regardless of gender identity. i dont see anything there telling you that you have to be attracted to every. single. person you see. maybe its a coincidence, or (and I say this as an aromantic person who always thinks that im just weird for not wanting to date people) maybe you just haven't found people you really connect with yet.

being scared of not being queer "enough" or faking your identity is essentially a hallmark of the queer experience at this point, and I think it really just takes time to feel comfortable in your identity. it sucks but I think that's just how it goes.

[Image ID: A screenshot from a novel PDF, from the perspective of the main character Imogen. It reads as follows - I press my cheeks. "How do i know it's not a fluke? What if I only ever fall for one girl?" - "Then you're bi." She pats my arm. - "What if I'm talking myself into it?" - Not a thing - "Okay, but what if the girl i like is kind of, I don't know, boyish?" - "Is she a boy?" Edith asks. - "No." - "Sounds pretty bi." /.End ID]

part 2 - gender wowie

i think it's good to think about what are your reasons you want to get gender affirming procedures. like do you want them to stop dysphoria? to wear clothes that fit your gender better? to feel more attractive to yourself, and better about yourself when others are attracted to you?

if you think it's the right pathway for you, go for it. but remember you're valid as trans, or enby, or anything, no matter if you physically transition or not. however, you don't have to decide NOW NOW NOW NOW. like for example maybe you're multigender and one part of you really wants to look like your assigned gender, but the other half wants to be the opposite or in between. or maybe you're genderfluid and you feel too much like your AGAB too often to be sure you wanna transition.

I really hope I could help somewhat!!! sorry I was a bit late I was figuring out what would be best to say to help you :3

final takeaway is that its gonna take time to feel sure about being queer and your place among the community. also, maybe do the aroace thing of categorising every person you know and seeing if you would be attracted to them or not, cause at least you get closure then, if not then you get queer attraction instead. also, if you have the means to, maybe try dressing as the opposite to your assigned gender (ask for Visa gift vouchers if your parents / guardians aren't supportive and you don't have an income / credit card)

also im sorry if something I said didn't really help in the way I intended or I made a dumb assumption, sometimes I try and say something but it comes out meaner than intended, I tried to rectify that if I realised but hopefully I got everything.

also you are totally welcome to traumadump here!! i do it a lot myself tbh

stay safe

&

#lgbtq #answer #queer #ama #pansexual #nonbinary

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jyndor · 1 year

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As much as I like cassian/rue as a concept and I really love the friendly exes idea, looking at the comparisons between the RO and Andor beach hugs like... desperately clinging to each other as close as bodies can possibly get vs that half-handshake pat-on-the-back? And like I know part of that is likely the disney toxic-masculinity-no-homo brand, but it just makes me so sad, like is this really the level of affection Cassian gets from this point on in his life? Obligatory, unthinking gestures? (until he meets Jyn and they survive and have lots of time to cuddle, obviously, but some folks don't know about that part lol)

in all seriousness I don't actually think rue and cass were ever ever ever considered by the writers to be anything more than friends, they can prove me wrong I'd be down with that but I think we should be clear when talking about this sort of thing that there are like shoulds and ares. should the writers queer up cass? fuck yes. are they going to? lol no.

is that just disney censorship? honestly I doubt it. I think society at large has a much harder time dealing with bisexuality/queerness that isn't binary than it does sexuality that is binary. it comes out differently for women and femmes than it does for men and mascs (let alone people who don't subscribe to any of those genders).

for women and femmes bisexuality and frankly same-gender attraction isn't seen as threatening patriarchy tbh. it's why we get literal gal pal shit from people when it's like, these are two wlw who have been together for decades and have gotten married and are literally fucking in their bed that they own together in their home. it's also why I think society finds it somewhat easier to believe in~~ bisexuality/pansexuality/mspec queer wlw than mlm, although lbr it's still about how the white supremacist patriarchal hegemonic ideal man can access bi wlw and therefore devaluing the wlw-ness of our wlwocity.

whereas mlm are seen as a threat to that patriarchal hegemony, the ideal man or some bullshit, because shock of shocks patriarchy impacts men and mascs negatively as fuck too. men are expected to be hyper ~masculine or whatever the fuck, access women without difficulty while also maintaining stoicism and defeating the (i cannot believe i am saying this mostly unironically) feminine urge to feel thing, to seem gay because that's feminine or whatever lol.

and so bi and mlm who are attracted to more than one gender challenge the very ideal that white supremacist patriarchy is all about. it's why so many women think bi men are automatically gay and just lying about it (well that and individual histories people have with being with men who have been closeted and cheated on them, but that's like not bisexuality that's infidelity).

so the idea that you've got a character who has an extremely important romantic relationship at the end of his life in something written years ago, I'd be shocked if the writers even considered giving cassian a boyfriend just because cassian is attracted to jyn in the film. I'm also sure cassian being a man and the lead means disney might be less cool with him being explicitly queer than say with the wlw side characters, but if we take tony gilroy's word for it, there was never any pushback on them.

as far as cassian not having any real connection until jyn, I'm not sure I agree. his connection with rue (lets make the nickname happen, ive been trying so im happy to see you using it anon) might be platonic but it's canonically important as hell - they are able to read each other well, cassian hears rue in ways melshi isn't used to, and frankly rue picks up on cassian's change in mood even if he doesn't push cass to share with him because cassian isn't ready to share.

it isn't unthinking to me. but like melshi says, they have to spread the message. the rebellion comes first.

I wouldn't be so sure that cassian doesn't have connections with characters, fuck lol kaytoo is coming next season and thats his best friend. but undoubtedly he will become more isolated as he builds a network of recruits and informants who don't know him intimately. and I don't mean sex, I mean deep knowledge of who he is.

but his relationship with jyn has always been fundamental to cassian realizing he doesn't want to go with business as usual, that he doesn't want to assassinate galen (a hope that the rebellion needs to strike against the empire) and that he can fight in the daylight instead of just in the shadows.

but it is tragic that he is so known by so few, and that when he finds someone who he understands and who understands him so well, he fucking gets vaporized lol.

lmao the death star is biphobic for killing him and jyn and making me cry every time I watch rogue one

#anonymous #asks #answered #cassian andor #ruescott melshi #star wars andor #rogue one #star wars #jyn erso #rebelcaptain #meta #lgbtqia+#headcanon versus canon canon always relevant

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rubykgrant · 2 years

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Some RVB Gender/Sexuality thoughts~

Simmons; OK, we all know he’s trans, right? At first I almost worried thinking of him as trans would be kinda type-cast-y, but... come on. He named himself Dick. Also, he’s very much gay (just in super-extra denial, and oblivious about romance)

Grif; Bisexual (he’s had bad luck with dudes when he was younger, and his thought process basically was “OK, all these guys were jerks, and I’m also a jerk, I’m just gonna avoid guys” which was why he’s so defensive about the idea of having a boyfriend... but obviously things improve~)

Sarge; Also bi (had some old-fashioned notions about sexuality, but after seeing the young ‘uns getting more comfortable with themselves, he figures things out). He is somehow GNC and also the most man-tastic dude at the same time (if you try to get an answer out of him, regarding if this means he’s nonbinary or genderfluid or WHAT, he speaks in riddles and avoids a label... which, y’know, is fine. Yee and Haw!)

Donut; Gay (not as a joke, not in an ironic way- he is a man who is romantically and sexually attracted to men, heck yeah)

Lopez; He would claim that all “human identities are unworthy of HIM, a MIGHTY ROBOT”... but he’s bi

Sheila; Nonbinary and genderneutral (still mostly uses she/her pronouns, and even when she’s one of the bros, she’s still a Lady~)

Church; Bi-bi-bi! Also, nonbinary (there’s an AI joke about binary code in there somewhere), and when he thinks about it, leans toward bigender too (Epsilon would also be bi and nonbinary, but perhaps more comfortable with genderfluid. both are just Some Dude, but in very GNC ways)

Tex; Bi and nonbinary as well, also vibes with genderqueer

Tucker; if somebody twisted my arm and demanded that ONE character be the token cis/het... I guess that would be Tucker (but honestly, every single person who thinks of him with any other orientation? you are 100% correct. in my own head, I feel like he just never had a chance to even fully think about his sexuality beyond “women hot”. like, every dude he had the beginnings of a crush on? it was never at the right time for either person, so nothing ever happened)

Caboose; Bi and polyamorous (he’s actually had more luck with past relationships when he was younger than most of the others... does he understand Tucker’s weird perv-jokes? nah. does he understand, very intimately, how romantic and sexual relationships work? absolutely)

Kai; She’s tried several different identities in her life, usually just jokingly saying “My gender is HOTTIE, and my sexuality is MORE PLEASE”. In seriousness, she’s bi (and when somebody else explains the colors to her, she also likes using pansexual- it has blue like her team, magenta/hot pink that works as her brother’s team, and yellow like her armor). Also, she’s intersex~

Carolina; Realized she’s bisexual (back in the day, they never got to talk about it much, but York was genderfluid and bi. South was a lesbian, and North was ace. Connie was bi and trans. Wyoming was bi and aro... and somehow homophobic at the same time. Maine was gay and polyam. Florida was pan and genderqueer)

Wash; Asexual, gay, and trans!

Triplets; We know that Ohio is a lesbian, while Iowa is bi, and Idaho is ace

Doc; Aromantic and Asexual (O’Malley is as well, but they both still enjoy affection... O’Malley just won’t admit it)

Locus; Gay (despite having a life full of many experiences, he never explored much with sexuality or relationships, and had bad info when he was younger... he’s figuring things out now, and also finding better quality men~)

#red vs blue #rvb #gender #sexuality

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hellomynameisbisexual · 1 year

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There are many different stereotypes depicted that are then perpetuated by society and contribute to bisexuals having such a negative reputation. Biphobia and bi-erasure have sadly been prevalent in society for decades, if not longer, and as I’ve gotten older I have noticed some similarities and some glaring differences in the portrayal of bi men, women, non-binaries and all other gender identities in the media. For clarification, for the duration of this blog, I will be using the term “bi” to cover all those under the umbrella term (e.g. bisexual, pansexual, omnisexual, multisexual, polysexual, heteroflexible, homoflexible, fluid).

A common stereotype of bi people generally is that they’re greedy nymphomaniacs unable to settle down with one person, and therefore more likely to cheat which then leads to the belief that they are more likely to contract and pass on STIs. There are no facts to support any of these claims, and yet these are the most common accusations the bi community faces. Bi people usually find that a lot their “friends” believe they are always trying to flirt with them, usually after we have opened up and come out to them which discourages many from being open with others about their sexuality. Partners often accuse bi people of wanting to leave them for someone of a different gender, claiming they can’t be satisfied with one partner because they can be attracted to more than one gender. A common claim is that bi people are just going through a phase or doing it for attention before they eventually decide on heterosexuality or homosexuality; that sexuality is and can only be that black and white with no grey areas. Additionally, when a bi person goes from dating one gender to another and people comment “so you’re straight/gay now”; this insistence that we must be one or the other invalidates our orientation and is one of the most infuriating things to experience.

As for differences, bi women are often sexualised and fetishized whereas bi men are abhorred and ridiculed. Bi women face comments from straight men about automatically being ok with a threesome, and many face attitudes for so-called “gold star” lesbians who won’t have anything to do with bi women as they may have been with a man in the past. Bi men are not as fetishized; instead, they are often avoided by straight women, who act as though they are dirty or shameful and more likely to pass on STIs due to possible relations with other men, and gay men, for being “too straight”. There is one common element I have noticed about the different things said about bi men and bi women in particular that I would like to draw attention to. A lot of the comments I and other bi women hear is that we’re only doing it for attention from men, to make us seem more sexually appealing, and that eventually we will settle down with a man so we can have a family. Bi men, on the other hand, are frequently told that they’re just too scared to be gay and that they will eventually admit that they are gay and settle down with a man. In both circumstances, a male partner is viewed as the inevitable ending for us all; it implies that women are not a viable option for a long-term partner, and this in itself is a very sexist attitude to hold and perpetuate.

Those who identify as non-binary, genderfluid, genderqueer, etc. usually face the same comments as bi men and women but it is dependent on how others perceive them which in itself is alienating and can be very dysphoric to the individual. It erases more of their identity than bi men or women as their gender is invalidated as well as their sexual orientation, and this can be very damaging.

One of the most concerning things I have found from speaking with others within the bi community is that some of the worst biphobia and bi-erasure they have experienced has come from within the LGBTQIA+ community itself. Here, too, exist the beliefs that bi people will cheat with a different gender because they can never be satisfied with one partner. This is not only unfair and untrue, but it also invalidates any who choose a polyamorous lifestyle. There are also many who claim bi people don’t belong if they are in a relationship with someone of a different gender to themselves as they have “straight passing privilege”, meaning they don’t face the same discrimination as an openly and obviously gay couple would as they can pass as a straight couple. This further alienates bi people from a community that is supposed to accept us, and has left a lot of bi people questioning if they want to date outside of the bi or straight community as they feel they will get less judgement.

The attitude towards bisexuality from both straight and LGBTQIA+ people is that it is a stepping point to “picking a side”; they ignore the huge expanse of no man’s land between straight and gay where all the bi’s live. Also, both straight and LGBTQIA+ people try to dictate what bi means, assigning descriptions without discussing it with those it concerns. For example, bi people are often told that identifying as bisexual is transphobic and/or doesn’t include non-binary people and, that if you are attracted to trans/non binary people, you are automatically pansexual. The basis is that “bi” means “two” and is interpreted as two genders; this is not the true definition of bisexuality which is romantic or sexual attraction to more than one gender.

Biphobia and bi-erasure should not be as prevalent as they are. In the last fifty years, we as a society have made great strides in acceptance for those within the LGBTQIA+ community, and we are in a much better position than our forebears. That’s not to say that there isn’t more still to do, but now imagine that that community who fought so hard to get here are also still ostracising one of their own; bi people are still fighting stereotypes, misconceptions and ignorance from all corners when we should be banding together. We need to unite to show that, regardless of our spectrum, all flags are valid, seen, respected, valued, and loved.

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wearequeer-andwearehere · 1 year

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I am so sorry if this may sound ignorant (I have been doing online school for about 3 years now and havent really been around many people my age for a while so I don't know if this plays into my question or not)

I have 2 questions

1. I use the pronouns she/her (it's just what I have always been comfortable with) but I prefer to were more masc or boy stereotypical clothing I guess you could say. Now I do like girl clothes but not as much. I think im just confused if it's a body thing or a gender thing because I like masc clothes so much since they just fit my body better I definitely feel more comfortable in them, but I also like to wear fem presenting clothes as well that may be more form fitting. And you know sometimes I want to put on a suit and strut around in it and sometimes I want to put on a dress it just depends.

2. I am very confused about my sexuality lol. I don't think I realized people could even be more than what society had already deemed as normal and around the age I would have probably began to explore my sexuality covid hit and everything went online. (For reference I am about to turn 16 and would have been 13 when the pandemic hit) I feel the same when I see an attractive female as I would an attractive male (this goes for anyone really if I find them attractive I can feel attraction to them, whether it's a platonic, romantic, or sexual attraction genuinely don't know) I also am fine reading sex scenes but whenever people talk about it in person or if I watch it on tv that's when I get uncomfy and I genuinely can't see myself having sex with someone (idk if that will change or not) but im fine with seeing myself being in a relationship and cuddling expressing my love for a person and sometimes kissing (it depends)

I am so sorry that this was sooo long and all over the place my brain is all messy when I don't plan things out before I write or say anything, and you don't have to answer of course this was just me ranting about how I have no clear thoughts as to who I am yet and it feels good to get it off my chest lt even if you don't answer or even see this.

Thank you genuinely it feels good to talk.

No need to apologise!! I’m here for u :] That’s good, I’m glad writing this ask helped you feel better—try and write shit down sometimes, even if it’s just hastily typed into a google doc and immediately deleted. Shit’s magic honestly.

Preferring or liking masculine clothing doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re transgender. Like obviously it’s a possibility but it’s not like, oh I like pants instead of skirts that means I’m a guy!! You could be trans or you could just be a girl who likes different types of clothing.

My advice is like, don’t sweat it too much, and just do what makes you happy. If you like masculine clothing, fucking go for it!!! I’m sure you’ll slay 100%!! If you wanna wear form fitting stuff, go for that too!! Just. Do what makes you feel like yourself, and do what makes you feel happy, don’t worry about labels and am-i-trans-am-i-cis and all that, kay? Just Vibe!!!!!!

I’d suggest you consider mspec labels, which means attraction to multiple genders, labels like bisexual and pansexual, or just plain old bi and pan might be good for you!!

You can look into the asexual spectrum, which is basically all sexualities that aren’t like 100% allosexual (allosexual means like. most of the population and how they experience sexual attraction.)

Yes, attraction can be confusing. And yes, it’s possible the stuff you feel might change. Maybe you’ll feel sexual attraction someday, or maybe you never will!!

But go with what you like *now.* If bi feels good, go for bi! If asexual feels good, go for it. If you wanna change it later, that’s okay!!

I’m gonna give you my standard new shoe advice—yknow when you have rlly shitty old shoes but you’re used to them, and when you get new shoes you’re like wtf these are really weird, but then you eventually realise they’re much more comfy and you were just used to the shitty old ones?

New labels can be kind of like that. So like, if u try a label and it feels Weird, ask yourself if the weird is a “this is the wrong shoe size” weird or a “i need to break this shoe in” weird.

Hope I could help you out!! Sending my love, and I hope you find what makes you feel happy and feel like yourself!! Have an amazing day <333

#ask #helping out a questioning person

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caffeine-high · 11 months

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rant about some frustrations about my gender/romantic interests/sexuality, stuggles with labels, and consequences (sorta) below (actually, after typing it out, it mainly ended up being abt my aro-spec self, with the beginning abt gender and tiny bit of sexual attraction)

i just need them out of my head for a sec, so feel free to ignore (or not, i am posting this on a public platform so like, ya know)

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i think the worst part of being on the spectra of ace, aro, and agender, but not being fully ace, aro, or agender is that it often requires way to much explanation to get yourself across fully and even then people get confused

so i usually just let everyone come to their own conclusions, but no i am not a pansexual transguy (or to those less well versed in the alphabet mafia, bisexual transguy, or even less well versed, bisexual born-in-the-wrong-body-but-now-a-guy) like, im fine with being seen as that!, but it is not who i am

i gave my cousin a 10 minute metaphor and after another half hour of questions and discussions he does get my view on my gender, but thats only one part (he is vv sweet tho, and every now and again refers back to the metaphor to ask how im feeling atm)

like, i dont like labeling myself, and i generally dont use microlabels, i have found a few that sorta get close to my views and experiences, but always with like a 5 minute caveat of this is why it does not fit exactly, and the people who are already well versed enough to be aware of the microlabels are also the ones accepting in listening to a long explanation if desired

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from here on my rant will mainly be focussed on my experience/views on my being on the aro spectrum

but i am sooo tired of talking to someone abt smth (mainly romance tho) and having to either just nod along like i feel the exact same, say im aro (and them not accepting, or knowing different cz they have known me for a long time), or having to go into the full spiel of well no but also yes and having to deal with that instead of just the conversation at hand

or even worse, getting asked on a date and then having to deal with that whole thing, cz sometimes i genuinely do think it could be a thing, but it just requires way different expectations and/or circumstances than what that person/those people want or are able/willing to have/provide/give

i am also struggling with seeing my brother have similar(sorta) experiences(at least on romance, not the others). he has now found someone who is accommodating to him (idk her wants/needs/views, but i know that both of them are doing the "dating"(or being partners-ish) thing in a way that works for them). but i hate to see the way my family is reacting to it. like, they just do-not understand how they function, or why they're not boyfriend/girlfriend yet despite having been doing this since march, and they keep on making comments (not to them luckily, but vv much to me) abt their confusion, and wishes for them to just hurry up. or express excitement for him finally having found a partner and that they soo wished for him to have found one sooner, and that it was always meant to happen n stuff like that

and i just know that i will also get those, should i ever do the 'romance' thing, or will probably get even worse should i not do the romance thing

like, i just dont rlly care personally, but everyone else seems to care sooo much that at some point i will have to explain my feelings, and i am not looking foreward to the 'oh but you just haven't found the right person yet' conversation, like, yeah i KNOW, but also, if i dont find them thats fine by me as well?? like, i'm good? and finding the 'right' person(s) is not gonna work for me in all the ways youre suggesting????

i know people not doing it out of malice, and they mean well nd shit, but it is frustrating and tiring, and even worse so cuz i can't just say, i dont do romance at all

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anyway, if you did and up reading this, thank you for your patience, yess i am very much willing to have an in depth conversation about this sometime, and no, i did not get a whole lot of studying done today, in case you couldn't tellXD

#rant #personal #caffeines cackles

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unlikelyjedi · 2 years

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Star Wars Animated Pride Headcanons

This is for the characters in the animated TV shows (minus The Bad Batch because I haven't seen it yet. 🤭)

I can't do all the characters in the shows simply because that would be... a LOT, but I'll do the main ones and any I find particularly fun!

As with my last post, these are just my opinions and it’s totally cool if you have different ideas. Art is subjective and there are plenty of ways to engage with said art. This is just for my personal fun!

Without further ado:

Ahsoka Tano (she/her): Bisexual

Might be canon? It's implied she liked Lux Bonteri, and also she kind of had a love-interest in the Ahsoka novel in Kaeden Larte. Either way, because I'm a dumb Bisexual, my favs are getting the bi treatment.

Rex (he/him): Aromantic

Rex loves his friends, but never felt any romantic attraction for anybody. Which is fine. There are plenty of ways to love! And he's got a lot of love to give!

Quinlan Vos (he/they): Pansexual, Non-Binary

A Funky Dude. He's just vibing. That includes matters of gender and sexuality. They don't care. Really they could use any pronouns and not be affected. He just like who he like regardless of gender or species. Probably a Monsterfucker.

Asajj Ventress (she/her): Pansexual

Gender doesn't matter. Only power. She's just unlucky to have fallen for Quinlan (or lucky depending on how you look at it).

Barriss Offee (she/her): Lesbian

I feel like she struggled with her feelings of liking someone, considering the Jedi Code is against attachments. The fact that she fell in love with Ahsoka didn't help matters. She really didn't have anybody to turn to. She had a crush on her best friend, and the order that raised her wouldn't affirm attachments. The order failed her. In many different ways.

Plo Koon (he/him): Ally

Plo Koon supports his Queer Jedi family!! Don't come for them. He will take you out.

Shaak Ti (she/her): Lesbian

Your fav Clone Mom is a Lesbian. I believe even though she was attracted to women and femmes, she didn't act on it, adhering closely to the code, even at a young age.

Depa Billaba (she/her): Ally

Same thing as Plo Koon. Loves her gay and trans Jedi. Is not afraid to cause bodily harm to those disrespectful of her family.

Aayla Secura (she/her): Bisexual

Ah yes, the Twi'lek everyone ships with Commander Bly and Kit Fisto. Girl is bisexual and wouldn't have issues acting on it, regardless of Jedi code. She learned well from her master, it seems.

Ezra Bridger (he/him): Bisexual

My dumb Bisexual brain go brrr. You can't tell me that man didn't have a crush on both Wren siblings. And let's not forget about Jai Kell. They were fruity. (I know they've never met, but I strongly ship Luke and Ezra because I just think it'd work so well). Once again, one of my favs and therefore Bisexual.

Kanan Jarrus (he/him): ally.

He loves his gay son(s) and daughter. He will fight for them. He will fight for you. Get you a man like Kanan Jarrus.

Hera Syndulla (she/her): Pansexual

Hera's got bad taste in species, tbh. She saw a drunkard on a mining moon and went "oh?? 💖"

I'm mostly kidding. Space mom loves who she loves regardless of gender. It just so happens that the species she attracts are dumb human males.

Sabine Wren (she/her): Sapphic

Can't decide whether she should be Lesbian or Bisexual with a huge preference for femmes. She gives off Lesbian energy tho. Her and Ketsu Onyo are fruity.

Garazeb Orrelios (he/him): Gay

That's not a scary Lasat. That's a homosexual. Can you stop making heart eyes at Kallus for one second? Ugh.

Alexsandr Kallus (he/him): Gay

Man gets shown affection ONE TIME and suddenly he's throwing away his fascist beliefs for a man. Can't decide whether that's good for him, or just desperate...

Hondo Ohnaka (he/him): Aromantic Homosexual.

Romance?? Hard pass. Hook-ups?? Absolutely.

Not really that important to this post, but when I was playing The Sims 4: Journey to Batuu™️, I really, really wanted an option to flirt with Hondo, but the goddamn game wouldn't let me do it. Guess it would hurt their brand to let me flirt with the really old space pirate. Just let me romance the dirty old space pirate in your dumb life simulation game!!!

Kazuda Xiono (he/him): Bisexual

BET YOU WEREN'T EXPECTING RESISTANCE ON THIS POST, HUH???

Well, he's the only one on here because he's the only person I remember by name.

(I'm so sorry gay maintenance workers. You weren't so heavily queer-coded just so I could forget you 😢😢😢)

Kazuda is a bisexual himbo. A bimbo, if you will!

....wait....

But seriously, this poor man would see a pretty boy and pretty girl in the same place and die on the spot. Send help. His father can't. He got blown up on Hosnian Prime.

That's a wrap!!

Next time, I'll post the Live-Action TV characters!! Hope you enjoyed my silly little headcanons!!!

#star wars #clone wars #star wars rebels #ahsoka tano #ezra bridger #kanan jarrus #hera syndulla #sabine wren #pride month #lgbt pride #lesbian #gay #bisexual #asexual #aromantic #kazuda xiono #pansexual

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lindwurmkai · 2 years

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As a bisexual who has also identified as pan in the past and now considers the two terms to be essentially interchangeable, it really frustrates me that it seems like the misunderstandings about these words will never end ... simply because people are people.

There are always going to be people who see the "bi" in "bisexual" and jump to the wrong conclusion. There are always going to be people who think the "sexual" refers to sexes or having sex rather than attraction (to be fair, it did refer to sexual practices a very long time ago).

There are always going to be people who think "it makes no sense" to have two labels for the same thing, who can't even conceive of that being a possibility, and will therefore hunt for an explanation of the difference until they find one, no matter how wrong or outdated it may be.

(The solution to their dilemma, of course, is this: words are not created by an official word creation committee. There are in fact many things in life that we have two or more words for. If I hand you a pebble, is that a stone or a rock? Asking either the bisexuals or the pansexuals to give up their label "because the other one works just as well" would be unfair, and how the hell would we decide which one to keep?)

For what it's worth, I think the "bi" was originally meant to denote something like "both heterosexual and homosexual" instead of referring to two genders. Which is obviously not how we'd describe it today, but it was also never meant to be exclusive. Personally I'm in favour of returning to a more laid-back understanding of gay and lesbian, along the lines of "mostly attracted to the same gender, with some wiggle room." Straight would then mean "mostly attracted to a single different gender, with some wiggle room" (a little less wiggle room, granted). From there it would automatically follow that bisexuality includes everyone.

But I could talk about this all day long and it would make no difference because someone somewhere is constantly discovering these words for the first time and getting confused.

Would any of this be happening without transmisia and intersexism tho? Guess we "just" have to get rid of those once and for all. Haha.

#i did not mean to do a discourse I'm just frustrated by how UNDERSTANDABLE the misconceptions are #so of course they're going to keep happening #i feel this way about many things because autism or something #;

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somecunt · 5 months

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I’ve dissembled my lesbophobia, my misogyny, and my femmephobia.

I’ve carried a fear of being attracted to women, for a long time. I have a lot of anxiety surrounding attraction to women. Whenever I’d see a nude woman in a sexual context I’d become disgusted. This is partially due to it being very normalized for gay cis men to find women’s bodies, and objects associated with women’s bodies repulsive.

I’m working on it definitely. I didn’t value the relationships of wlw or wlnb/nblw or lesbians,sapphics and related attractions.

I used to have a, “not like other girls” mindset, yeah sure I’m ftm and I was in fact “not like other girls” but I leaned into misogyny heavily to distance myself for girls/women, and femininity in girls/women. some of my hatred of female bodies may also come from my need to not be in association with girls/women.

This could be misinterpreted for me as an trans male coming in to scold cis gay males for their “inherent attraction to male bodies and repugnance towards female bodies”, being a gay man isn’t synonymous with hating vaginas, breasts, and loving dick. I’m firmly attracted to nonwomen, and I like breasts, and vaginas, I like penis as well, but in terms of men I do have a preference toward vaginas, nonbinary people, no preference.

In the way I interpret sexuality, what I believe determines it is what are you thinking behind it. regardless of your partner if you’re intimate with them because you’re perceiving their body within womanhood, then you’re probably attracted to women, if you’re partner doesn’t perceive themselves that way, that’s an issue. there’s other things that affect this, like are you forcing yourself to perceive their body in some sort of way to prevent you from facing the reality that you’re one way. I think forcing, and widening your perspective is different.

We’ve been taught that penises, are male genitalia, they’re don’t have to be, they’re penises at their core, and they’re attached to many types of people, trans/cis men, fem/masc/neutral aligned people, trans/cis women. It’s understandable that you categorize penises as male because you were raised in a society where that’s the norm. Seeing more women and non-men with penises while genuinely recognizing them as women, and nonbinary can aid in expanding that view. You don’t need to sleep with anyone you don’t want to, but placing their body into a category of disgust is wrong.

Women’s bodies are beautiful, although I’m not attracted to them sexually, aesthetically all bodies carry their own intense beauty.

Some people don’t even weigh gender presentation, gender identity, or genitalia in their attraction to people, which I guess would be called pansexuality, although plenty of bisexual people also feel this way about their attraction. This doesn’t mean pansexual people can’t have these same issues of perceiving all bodies afab as women’s bodies, and all bodies amab as men’s bodies.

#this is poorly written… once again #this is sort of important to me to write so I’m sending it out as is #feel free to correct me #transgender #nonbinary #trans nonbinary #agender #queer #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm

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girl4music · 2 years

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This gender/sexuality identity shit is too confusing and complicated for me.

I just find it funny that there’s people out there that see a huge difference between gender and sexuality when they’ve always been tied neatly in a bow for me. That’s why the term “queer” is used as an all-inclusive term for LGBT. Because being queer is gender and sexuality tied together. Which keeps things simple. Condensed down. Easy to understand. Some people refer to it as the term for not knowing or not being able to decide which letter of LGBT you fall into.

Take me and my “identity” for example:

In sexuality I’ve been identifying myself as bisexual. I’m attracted to men and women. I would date men and women. Not at the same time obviously, but in and out of romantic/sexual relationships. But then one day I got asked the question “Well, wouldn’t you be attracted to a transgender or non-binary person?” “Wouldn’t you date a transgender or non-binary person?” And my immediate answer to that was “Yes”. To which they then responded “Well, then you’re not bisexual. You’re pansexual.” And that confused the hell out of me. Now I’ve done some research because the confusion was bothering me too much not to. The label just doesn’t fit right. It doesn’t feel like me at all. So now I’m just going by the term “queer” which is what I started as. Truth be told, I don’t know what I am but I do know that I am very queer. That’s fits me. Some people still think of it as a slur but it works for me at the moment so I’m taking it because ever since that interaction I had, I’ve been very confused because I thought bisexuality included transgender and non-binary people. I mean transgender people in particular are also men and women too so it only made sense to me that they were included in bisexuality. It didn’t even occur to me for a second that they weren’t. This is how confusing as fuck this whole gender and sexuality identity shit is to me. It’s almost like I’m supposed to think of transgender and non-binary people as 3rd and 4th genders. And that’s just not right to me so I’m not going to do that. I mean I don’t think of cismen and ciswomen as 1st and 2nd genders. I don’t think anybody does to be honest 🫤

I think I’ve figured it out why gender and sexuality confuses me so much and why identity in general bothers me so much. I’ve always understood this gender and sexuality identity shit as a scale or a spectrum. Not as a multiplication and division equation. When it comes to the effort of understanding something, why in the world do people insist on adding on when the logical thing to do is to take away? And I feel like that’s what we’re doing with this whole gender and sexuality thing. This LGBT thing. We’re adding numbers and we’re adding letters to better understand our identities. We’re not actually inspecting the in-betweenness of identity. The middle. Traditionally, you have a “man” and a “woman”. To most people that makes sense as a binary. As a one or the other. Not so much as a both or either. But this is how it works in my brain…

Man———————————————————— Woman

That whole ass space in the middle that seemingly separates the binary… that’s what I think we should focus on. But instead we’ve got all these new terms and definitions for gender and sexuality. More labels and more places to put those labels. There’s so much shit being added on to what there already is that nobody’s looking in the middle of what there already is. Now I’m not saying there’s only 2 genders and that’s it. That there’s only “man” and “woman” and that’s all there can be. I’m not saying that. What I’m saying is there’s room for expansion into discovering more of what “man” and “woman” is. There is space between the binary we already have to explore and to examine before we go creating new labels and new categories. If we can do that then we can get rid of the gender/sexuality stereotypes that “man” and “woman” get put in and think about the bigger picture to it all rather than cutting down and putting the separate pieces into compartments away from each other and then calling those pieces something entirely different. That’s what we love to do, you know - us humans. Slicing and dicing. Dividing it down. We’re convinced that if we get it down to it’s smallest particle we’ll finally know the truth of it. But then we start adding on a new term and a new definition for what it is we see from that dividing. So instead of better understanding it - which is the goal. What we actually do is just complicate it. We’re making it harder to understand our identity rather than easier. A “thing” within a “thing” within a “thing” for infinity and beyond. That’s what we do. That’s our instinct as humans. To discover something within something and immediately perceive of it as something entirely different from the something it came from. Gender and sexuality is merely only the very surface of that rabbit hole we dig ourselves into. It gets much deeper… for sure it does because we have a very big and deep Universe and a very big and deep mind. Seemingly endless. Too big and deep to grasp for any of us. Yet we love to term and define everything that’s seemingly within it. In so doing we forget about the bigger picture while focusing on the smaller one. Therefore not seeing it as one whole ass picture. While the Universe and our mind expands… I have to adamantly attest that what we see or perceive from this expansion doesn’t change from what it was. That is to say that it’s not suddenly something entirely different from what it came from although it may look like it. It may even behave like it. But it’s not. We only see or perceive of it as such because we’re used to it. We’re used to picking apart something and then referring to that something as separate to the something that we picked it from. And I have to say…

I’m really getting fucking tired of it. Of all of it.

This game we play. This behaviour pattern we’re in of instead of connecting the dots to get the whole picture of what is, we just seem to be colouring in the lines and shapes so they don’t seem even remotely like each other so how could we possibly think they could connect? It’s no wonder divided is what we are when we absolutely refuse to see how we are whole.

Gender and sexuality - it’s a small and shallow scale. But you can see my point through it, surely. We do this shit with EVERYTHING! And I’ve come to the conclusion that maybe it’s not “identity” that bothers me so much. Rather how we think of identity as a collective consciousness. Separate, divided, different. And I scratch my head when I attempt to think about it in the ways so many do. If “I” represents individualism and that’s a good and progressive thing to focus on because it tells us we each have something to offer in the world - something to be of service for and something worth living for…. then why the hell does it feel so god damn segregating and oppressing? Why do I feel like focusing on my identity or anyone else’s feels more like I’m boxing myself/them in and shutting myself/them out? Why does it feel more like an exclusion and an isolation than an inclusion and a connection? The answer is obvious.

There is no binary. There is no 0 and 1. There is no adding and taking away. There is no multiplying and dividing. It is singular and it is total at the same time. If you don’t understand what I’ve just said that’s fine. I don’t blame you when we’ve made understanding so damn difficult to do in the first place and we’re so used to a system that’s done nothing but complicate everything. Our lives - our identities - our true nature. I don’t blame anyone for being as confused as I am with this whole gender and sexuality identity shit that never makes anything simple enough to understand. But to me it’s part of a much bigger problem that we have where we insist on everything having to be its own thing in its own place and can’t come out of it. Because even when we have come out already, we’re still forced into an entirely different enclosed space. And it’s like - I thought this was supposed to be a damn community, not a prison. What the fuck? 🤨

#gender #sexuality #LGBTQ #LGBT #queer #bisexuality #pansexuality #identity #binary #transgender #non binary #this shit is confusing #this shit is complicated #make it more simple

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lord-radish · 2 years

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YO I'm gonna give you my OPINION on LABELS, on WHO USES THEM and WHAT THEY MEAN and WHO can use WHAT label. I'm hopped up on King Crimson and caffeine from 5 hours ago, let's GO you're gonna get a friggin TRUTH BOMB

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My view on labels comes down to one basic principle.

People don't work for labels. Labels work for people.

What I mean by that is that no-one is obligated to describe themselves in any one singular way, and this idea that there's a "wrong" way to fit a label and a "right" label that someone else should use instead really bothers me.

Here's the thing. You identify as one thing for years - let's say you identify as bisexual. Men and women, am I right? Love 'em both. As you get older and think about stuff and grow as a person, you discover that you're attracted to non-binary people as well, or any sort of gender expression within or outside of the gender binary.

Does that stop you from being bisexual?

I personally don't think so. I think being bi can mean finding attraction in all facets of gender expression. It's a term that can be easy to point to, being attracted to male and female characteristics in a person, but the way in which gendered characteristics are attractive to which person is a lot more murky and personal than any one person can define. Are some gender expressions beyond the pale of binary gender? Sure.

I still think there's room for a person who appreciates a broad spectrum of gender to appreciate gender identification beyond the gender binary, or devoid of it, even if they identify as bisexual.

There are people who prefer to identify as pansexual, whose sexuality is inclusive of all gender expression. But does a bi-identifying person who values the same broad gender spectrum as a pan-identifying person have to now identify as pansexual?

I think that depends on the person. If someone sees pansexual as the natural next step on the path of identifying and properly discovering their sexuality, they can move onto pansexuality and find love, understanding and peace. If they still prefer to be called bisexual? No harm, no foul. If they get that same sense of security or closure from bisexuality as a label, that's fine. That label works for them, and they're well within the label's parameters.

The next step in all this, if someone wanted to go down this path, would be to ask "but can THIS PERSON identify as gay if they AREN'T 100% HOMOSEXUAL?" - and my feelings on that relate mostly to the nature of attraction, which everyone is going to view and feel subjectively in a way that can't wholly be communicated.

I would argue that the nature of a person's attraction makes it gay, and if they're identifying their relationship with another person as "gay" even if they themselves are bi or pan or whatever, that's an expression on how their affection for their partner is manifesting. And that's not for me to judge. What matters is the conviction and sincerity of a person in the way they label their relationship.

My ultimate point being - there's no way to be on the outside of a person looking in, and to be justified in forcing them into a box you think is more appropriate for them because you don't accept the validity of their sexuality or gender expression in your interpretation of a shared label. That's not right.

The nature of someone else's attraction or gender presentation is unknowable to everyone except that person. And even then, their sexuality or gender presentation could take decades to fully hash out and get accustomed to. That's the nature of sexuality - it's different for everyone. It changes with time and understanding.

Labels give us a way to express ourselves. We don't bind ourselves into the most appropriate shape to fit a label like a bonsai tree. We exist, we feel, and we discover. Labels facilitate that growth. For a lot of queer people, there is no platonic ideal for bisexuality or gayness or in non-binary gender expression. Some people find a box that fits them perfectly, and that's the gold standard for them. There's literally nothing wrong with that. Other people aren't so neat. There's literally nothing wrong with that either.

The latter isn't less deserving of a label because they're messy. People are messy. Labels are meant to help that, to organise and clarify - because labels exist to work for people, not for us to put on a pedestal so we can judge how people measure up to them. We made labels to help us. A person doesn't get booted into a new, unfamiliar community because they woke up with a slightly altered perspective one day. They take the time to hash out how they feel, and they get the choice.

Also, last tangent I promise, let's not forget closeted people. Is it wrong or deceitful to identify and present one way as a means of self-preservation, in the hopes of finding understanding and community in a better environment?

Even if that sense of self-preservation is ultimately unfounded and everyone around them would have loved and accepted them anyway - does that justify judging how a person comes out?

My view is that forcing someone out of a label is creating a hostile and upsetting environment. It amounts to telling them to spend time with a group they don't feel a kinship with, because it's been arbitrarily judged by an external party that they don't belong where they've spent most of their time and energy for years.

It's not for people to decide who is best fit to serve the label. It's for people to decide what label fits them best. Because labels are made for people, not the other way round.

So in short, my opinion on "LABELS, on WHO USES THEM and WHAT THEY MEAN and WHO can use WHAT label"?

I think labels are more fluid than some people would maybe like, because every label means something different to every person. That's the nature of sexuality. It's not my place to judge how well someone stacks up to the platonic ideal of a gender or sexual identity, and I don't think it's anyone's place to say who can and can't unite under a label that helps them find community and personal understanding. You can't force anyone into a label, or out of a label. It's not our job to do that. We don't work on the behalf of labels - THEY WORK ON BEHALF OF US.

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