#so sick of people i've known all my life looking at me like i'm sick or something bc i'm 26 and still single
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know someone who enjoys horror stories? share this one! it's true!
hahahahahahahahahaha aarrggghhhhhhhhhh
3,000,000 deaths due to COVID-19 last year. Globally. Three million.
Case rates higher than 90% of the rest of the pandemic.
The reason people are still worried about COVID is because it has a way of quietly fucking up your body. And the risk is cumulative.
I'm going to say that again: the risk is cumulative.
It's not just that a lot of people get bad long-term effects from it. One in seven or so? Enough that it's kind of the Russian Roulette of diseases.
It's also that the more times you get it, the higher that risk becomes. Like if each time you survived Russian Roulette, the empty chamber was removed from the gun entirely.
The worst part is that, psychologically, we have the absolute opposite reaction. If we survive something with no ill effects, we assume it's pretty safe.
It is really, really hard to override that sense of, "Ok, well, I got it and now I probably have a lot of immunity and also it wasn't that bad."
It is not a respiratory disease. Airborne, yes. Respiratory disease, no: not a cold, not a flu, not RSV.
Like measles (or maybe chickenpox?), it starts with respiratory symptoms. And then it moves to other parts of your body.
It seems to target the lungs, the digestive system, the heart, and the brain the most.
It also hits the immune system really hard - a lot of people are suddenly more susceptible to completely unrelated viruses.
People get brain fog, migraines, forget things they used to know.
(I really, really hate that it can cross the blood-brain barrier. NOTHING SHOULD EVER CROSS THE BLOOD-BRAIN BARRIER IT IS THERE FOR A REASON.)
Anecdotal examples of this shit are horrifying. I've seen people talk about coworkers who've had COVID five or more times, and now their work... just often doesn't make sense?
They send emails that say things like, "Sorry, I didn't mean Los Angeles, I meant Los Angeles."
Or they insist they've never heard of some project that they were actually in charge of a year or two before.
Or their work is just kind of falling apart, and they don't seem to be aware of it.
People talk about how they don't want to get the person in trouble, so their team just works around it.
Or they describe neighbors and relatives who had COVID repeatedly, were nearly hospitalized, talked about how incredibly sick they felt at the time... and now swear they've only had it once and it wasn't bad, they barely even noticed it.
(As someone who lived with severe dissociation for most of my life, this is a genuinely terrifying idea to me. I've already spent my whole life being like, "but what if I told them that already? but what if I did do that? what if that did happen to me and I just don't remember?")
One of its known effects in the brain is to increase impulsivity and risk-taking, which is real fucking convenient honestly. What a fantastic fucking mutation. So happy for it on that one. Yes, please make it seem less important to wear a mask and get vaccinated. I'm not screaming internally at all now.
I saw a tweet from someone last year whose family hadn't had COVID yet, who were still masking in public, including school.
She said that her son was no kind of an athlete. Solidly bottom middle of the pack in gym.
And suddenly, this year, he was absolutely blowing past all the other kids who had to run the mile.
He wasn't running any faster. His times weren't fantastic or anything. It's just that the rest of the kids were worse than him now. For some reason.
I think about that a lot.
(Like my incredibly active six-year-old getting a cold, and suddenly developing post-viral asthma that looked like pneumonia.
He went back to school the day before yesterday, after being home for a month and using preventative inhalers for almost week.
He told me that it was GREAT - except that he couldn't run as much at recess, because he immediately got really tired.
Like how I went outside with him to do some yard work and felt like my body couldn't figure out how to increase breathing and heart rate.
I wasn't physically out of breath, but I felt like I was out of breath. That COVID feeling people describe, of "I'm not getting enough air." Except that I didn't have that problem when I had COVID.)
Some people don't observe any long (or medium) term side effects after they have it.
But researchers have found viral reservoirs of COVID-19 in everyone they've studied who had it.
It just seems to hang out, dormant, for... well, longer than we've had an opportunity to observe it, so far.
(I definitely watched that literal horror movie. I think that's an entire genre. The alien dormant under ice in the Arctic.)
(oh hey I don't like that either!!!!!!!!!)
All of which is to explain why we should still care about avoiding it, and how it manages to still cause excess deaths.
Measuring excess deaths has been a standard tool in public health for a long time.
We know how many people usually die from all different causes, every year. So we can tell if, for example, deaths from heart disease have gone way up in the past three years, and look for reasons.
Those are excess deaths: deaths that, four years ago, would not have happened.
During the pandemic, excess death rates have been a really important tool. For all sorts of reasons. Like, sometimes people die from COVID without ever getting tested, and the official cause is listed as something else because nobody knows they had COVID.
But also, people are dying from cardiovascular illness much younger now.
People are having strokes and heart attacks younger, and more often, than they did before the pandemic started.
COVID causes a lot of problems. And some of those problems kill people. And some of them make it easier for other things to kill us. Lung damage from COVID leading to lungs collapsing, or to pneumonia, or to a pulmonary embolism, for example.
The Economist built a machine-learning model with a 95% confidence interval that gauges excess death statistics around the world, to tell them what the true toll of the ongoing COVID pandemic has been so far.
Total excess deaths globally in 2023: Three million.
3,000,000.
Official COVID-19 deaths globally so far: Seven million. 7,000,000.
Total excess deaths during COVID so far: Thirty-five point two million. 35,200,000.
Five times as many.
That's bad.
I don't like that at all.
I'm glad last year was less than a tenth of that. I'm not particularly confident about that continuing, though, because last year we started a period of really high COVID transmission. Case rates higher than 90% of the rest of the pandemic.
Here's their data, and charts you can play with, and links to detailed information on how they did all of this:
Here's a non-paywalled link to it:
https://archive.vn/2024.01.26-012536/https://www.economist.com/graphic-detail/coronavirus-excess-deaths-estimates
Oh: here's a link to where you can buy comfy, effective N95 masks in all sizes:
Those ones are about a buck each after shipping - about $30 for a box of 30. They also have sample packs for a dollar, so you can try a couple of different sizes and styles.
You can wear an N95 mask for about 40 total hours before the effectiveness really drops, so that's like a dollar for a week of wear.
They're also family-owned and have cat-shaped masks and I really love them.
These ones are cuter and in a much wider range of colors, prints, and styles, but they're also more expensive; they range from $1.80 to $3 for a mask. ($18-$30 for a box of ten.)
#covid isn't over#covid 19#disability rights#disability advocacy#wear a mask#covid conscious#covid cautious#mask up#wall of words#public health#health care
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Ah, Young Love! [Our Life: Now & Forever]
Fandom: Our Life: Now & Forever
Characters: Qiu Lin, Tamarack Baumann
Notes: takes place during Step 1, so he/him is used for Qiu as that is how he identifies at this point in the story!
So anyway I'm obsessed with how everybody wants Qiu but Qiu only has eyes for MC once they meet so I'm thinking about his silly little boyhood crush. And then I couldn't leave best girl Tamarack out of the love fest so here's just a few little things I was thinking about with them having childhood crushes on u <3
Note that only the demo is publicly available and I am not currently a patron so anything here that is proven true is coincidence and anything proven false is just me having a little fun
Qiu Lin
So like. I've seen Qiu call you pretty twice in the demo. Once when you meet him if you choose to call him pretty first, and again towards the end of what's available in the demo when he's listing off reasons why you should be allowed to join the club..
I just think that whenever he talks about you he always has to let it slip that he thinks you're cute. "They had on a really nice hair clip today!" "Their hair looked so cute when they took off their hat at school." "When I picked them up to walk to school, I was so surprised at how pretty they looked!"
When he told his parents about you he probably said "this really pretty kid surprised me in our yard and we went on a miniature adventure!"
Also (and note that my MC uses she/her so im gonna quote him using gendered terms but only for this one instance) When he's introducing you to one of his friends, he starts off with your name and says "she's a girl!" (Or whatever terms you have set)
So I just think he says the most basic facts about you with so much awe and wonder 🥺 like you wore overalls to school? He talks like you invented denim. You had a funny comment or joke? It's like he's never heard one before in his life when he retells it.
I feel like…the first thing that makes him interested in you is that you're new. Not only does this make you fun to mess with, but it makes you far more interesting than the people he's known his whole life. Plus you, unlike Tamarack, don't immediately brush off the cool things he wants to show you or do with you if it isn't immediately your cup of tea.
Darren and Baxter are sick and tired of hearing your name !! If you're not around Qiu wonders aloud at least once if he should or should've invite(d) you. If he did invite you and you had to decline, then he wonders what you're doing.
The type of kid to skip out on his weekend chores at home and go to your house to help you unpack instead
Ok so MC says they used to live in an apartment, right? Probably in the city? And MC was only allowed to play on their own because Golden Grove is "a safe neighborhood?" What if MC doesn't know how to ride a bike. What if Qiu teaches them…
Whether you get a hang of it or not, he daydreams about doing that thing where he rides the bike and you sit backwards on the seat or on the handlebars or something
When he finds out you can't ride a bike, he definitely shows off by riding around without his hands on the handlebars.
Will teach you how to jump off the swing set too, then will have competitions over who can swing the highest and leap the farthest
I feel like Golden Grove has a cute little main street with a bunch of locally owned shops. If you're interested, he'll show you every. single. business. Even if most of them are "granny shops" he isn't interested in. He'll let you poke around for a bit :)
He has a special page in his notebook for all the little notes and doodles about you
If you look closely at the note he gives you after class, you can see the remnants of a few tiny little hearts that he erased!!
Going back to him offering you to ride on his bike: he probably got you in trouble once because you were on your front lawn and he rode up asking you to go on an adventure with him on his bike. You're expecting a fun little 20 min ride through the walkable path in the woods that'll have you back home by dinner. Instead he takes you to town and buys you ice cream and the two of you have to struggle your way back up the hill on foot and it takes like an hour and a half to get back and your mom was worried SICK
Buys a pack of pens with one/some of your favorite color(s) and writes you notes exclusively in that/those ink(s)
If you and your mom go somewhere and he knocks on your door while you're out, you will come home to see him sitting on the steps to your front porch and waiting for you
Before class starts, he always gives you a funny face or a wave. If you come in late because of a doctor's appointment or something, naturally a lot of the kids turn to look at your entrance, and he immediately waves at you. Maybe even says hi to you out loud if he knows Mrs. Murray is in a good mood / he can get away with it.
If he finishes his work early or something, he'll turn around in his seat and just watch you from across the room with major heart eyes. He smiles wider and waves when you notice.
Anything you compliment him on, he immediately draws attention to around others. Say his hair looks good today? He'll hit you with a "oh but not every other day?" but then tell his seatmates about what you said.
Buys extra portions of his little snack bags of chips and candy or whatever he likes when he can so that he can give them to you during lunch.
Gets on a kick and will pester you about having a secret handshake until you let him come up with one. He likes having special things just you and him 🥺
Probably invites you to his hideout at a specific time and day every week and he gets soooooo excited for that time to roll around.
Tries extra hard in your favorite subject, even if it's one he hates. He's not trying to be top of the class, but he doesn't want you to think he doesn't care about something you care about!
If you like a class he's terrible at, he'll ask for your help! Or, if you struggle in a class he's good at, he'll volunteer to help you out even though he HATES the concept of doing extra schoolwork. That's how much he likes u
He'll do this with any windows but especially if one of your bedroom windows faces his: he will definitely pull a Taylor Swift in "You Belong With Me" and write notes for you guys to read to each other
Since he can't sit with you, he'll write you notes or make you doodles and then pretend he has to get up to sharpen his pencil so he can pass your desk and slip it to you
Tamarack Baumann
Tamarack will straight up just stare at you 👁👁
She follows you around like a lost puppy and visibly brightens up when you're around
Looks forward to school because she gets to sit next to you all day! Like she'll skip happily along the path with you and Qiu and you'll ask her if she's looking forward to all these things and she'll just go "No!" and when you finally give up and ask why she says "because I get to spend the whole day next to you!"
When she goes to play in the woods, sometimes she'll spend a while in the shallower end of the tree line waiting to see if you'll come outside and play with her
Has definitely thrown sticks and pebbles at your back door to lure you out before she gets bored
Likes to go around and pick up the coolest rock, the prettiest flower, the biggest piece of tree bark, a leaf the size of her head…then before she goes home for the night, she stops by your house and gives what she picked up to you!!
If you're not home then she leaves it on your porch with a note, usually held down by a rock if it's not something heavy
She'll be over the moon if you give her cool rocks and stuff you found. Even if you're literally giving her trash, like if you ONLY give her bottle caps or pop tabs you find on the sidewalk, she cherishes them. Would make jewelry out of them tbh
Ok so quick tangent but there's a book I read in about 4th grade called Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli, and in it the love interest girl is the quirky type. One thing she has is a little decorative cart on her dresser which she puts rocks in every time she's happy and takes rocks out when she's sad. When the protag goes to her house and finds out, she explains how she has put the most rocks in it since meeting him. They kiss sometime after that and she puts another rock in and tells him about it. I think Tamarack would have a jar or a doll house bathtub and she would do the same thing, putting rocks in it when she's happy! So what I'm saying is give her plenty of rocks so she can exclusively use MC rocks for that
Also will make matching jewelry for the two of you without even stopping to think if you even wear what she's making. She'll buy kits to make special rings and headbands, braid a million friendship bracelets out of multicolored string, use acorns she found to make earrings…anything! She is just as happy if you wear it then she is if you buy a jewelry display stand and show them off in your room. Eventually she adds keychains into the mix for some variety
Doesn't mean to spend a lot of her time waiting on you but she does. On weekends, instead of going directly into the woods, she'll just lie on her back in her yard and stare up at the clouds, completely still, daydreaming (about you) until she hears your door opening. Then she runs to you.
If any of your windows are open, particularly your bedroom window, she'll send a bunch of paper airplanes your way. Most of them make it! However, you've learned that if you find even one paper airplane inside, you're going to have to check that side of the house for more scattered on the ground
Grips onto your arms or your clothes whenever she can. You two are connected.
Makes a BIG effort to like anything that you like as much as you do! And when she follows you around, it doesn't really matter if you're doing something she doesn't care about. She just wants to spend time with you! It does make her whole week if you follow her into the woods, though.
She doesn't take notes in class, but you leave a writing implement out for her and sometimes she'll reach over and doodle a cute bear or something on your paper :)
If you say you're cold, she'll give you her scarf, no questions asked. Is also down to share but don't let her do that while you're walking because it WILL end badly
Has wrapped the scarf around the two of you and tied you guys together before and yes it was the best recess of her life
When walking, she tends to lean into you which sometimes almost turns into pushing you and Qiu into the road if you're not careful
Likes to drag you around places and pretty quickly invites you to her house. She doesn't tell her grandparents that she's inviting you over, so they're surprised by you almost every time, but they don't mind! She's dragging you up the stairs to her room too quickly for them to say anything anyway
#our life now and forever#our life now & forever#our life#qiu lin x reader#tamarack baumann x reader#qiu lin#tamarack baumann#☆ qiu lin#☆ our life#☆ olnf#☆ tamarack baumann#🐚 capricorn ﾟ+..｡*ﾟ+{hcs}#🌠 pisces ﾟ+..｡*ﾟ+{all writing}
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The Future of Lil Miss Rarity
Hello everyone, this is Jay Tonique (formerly known as Lil Miss Jay), the writer, artist, everything other than the music in the Lil Miss Rarity animation for the blog "Lil Miss Rarity."
As some of you know, Lil Miss Rarity was an ongoing outlet for my physical, verbal and emotional abuse I was suffering prior to and leading up to Lil Miss Rarity's release, October 11th 2011.
The blog took off so heavily that my entire artistic career became a viable future for me, allowing me to profit from my art, build a huge loving fanbase, and even allowing me to become something of a celebrity in the Brony community (even very much hated by a large portion of the community).
It's needless for me to say that Lil Miss Rarity not only changed but saved my life. I was on the verge of taking my own life around the time the blog was started, due to the abuse I was going through, and if it weren't for the success of the blog that fateful October week, I would certainly not be here, typing this right now. I owe my life to you all, and the support you've given me for this blog.
However, it's time for the news I know very few people want to hear. In fact, I'm sure just reading this line right here has people's hearts sinking, but please, don't be anxious, please read the full post.
I would like to say: Please read the full post, I am going to be very clear about the future.
Moving forward, Lil Miss Rarity will no longer be updated, and the blog is officially entirely over, as of this post.
I am still looking for a musician to commission a new song for the remake of the Lil Miss Rarity animation on YouTube, which will be my final major update involving the blog, and then I will be putting the blog entirely to rest. The animation will serve as a fond emotional farewell to Lil Miss Rarity.
However, that's not the end of the twisted grimdark storytelling. I have decided to make a spiritual successor, a new IP, entirely my own and not using My Little Pony as a crutch.
I won't get too into it, but I left the Brony fandom long ago. It was both the greatest thing to ever happen in my life, and the absolute worst thing to ever happen in my life. I met great friends, but also met unbelievably horrible sick people, many of which I literally got FBI involvement to deal with and many of which are literally in prison now.
Due to this, and many many more reasons I'm leaving out, I cannot and will not continue to be a part of the fandom. This is just a few reasons, as well, that continuing to have Lil Miss Rarity exist as a My Little Pony blog just doesn't make any sense to me.
So what am I doing moving forward?
A brand new IP called "Melodi." It's about a magic school student who is part of a wealthy family who goes on a magical twisted adventure in a horrifying grimdark world.
It will have characters either very slightly or very heavily inspired by the characters of Lil Miss Rarity, with Melodi of course being inspired by Rarity.
It will also be an ongoing web comic, similar to LMR, and will encourage fan feedback just as much as LMR did, but will not be an Ask Blog like LMR.
I plan to release character concepts for the cast of Melodi soon.
Now, there's probably a lot of questions moving forward, so I'll try to answer them now, as well as in asks on this blog, though I'd prefer you send the asks about Melodi to my main blog at http://www.jayisbutts.com/ask
Here's some questions I think will be asked, and I'll answer them here:
"Will this blog be on Tumblr?"
- Yes, and on Patreon. Each update will be on Patreon first. When an update comes out on Patreon, the previous update will go public at the same time on Tumblr.
"Don't you think the LMR fanbase you've garnered for 12 years are gonna be upset about this?"
- I'm 100% certain they will be, yes. However, I hope that most people who hear this news are excited to see Melodi in the future. I'm very proud of what I've created with LMR, and happy about how many lives I've changed and how many people have told me how much they love LMR. People with the heart-brand tattoo, people with LMR tattoos, people who cosplay as LMR, LMR fanart still being made regularly to this date, real-life Opal dolls, fan-dubs of the comic, fan animations, Anime Music Videos, etc etc etc. I love each and every one of you and I hope that I can one day garner the same amount of love for Melodi as I received for LMR. Thank you all so much for your support.
"What if someone else wants to carry on the LMR blog or use the characters to make their own?"
- Please, do. LMR is officially Public Domain as of this post, and I strongly encourage LMR fan-fiction, fan-blogs, etc. I would love if someone could do LMR better than I did. I will very happily use this blog going forward to showcase new LMR blogs and fan-content that I like, and I will very gladly be a guest artist from time to time on an update or two to those blogs. You all have my blessing to take LMR and do with her whatever you want.
"Are you still remaking the LMR animation?"
- Yes, I'm still actively seeking a musician to make an official LMR theme that will play in the background of it. It will be a glorious farewell to LMR.
"Is the heart-brand still a thing in Melodi?"
- Absolutely, yes. The one incredibly major staple being carried over to Melodi is the heart brand. That symbol has become synonymous with LMR.
"What about the eye scars?"
- Probably not. There will be facial scarring of some kind, yes, but considering the new story will not involve killing a cat (not yet anyway), she probably won't have the eye scars.
"Black eye with white pupil?"
- We'll see! (It is a sign of Malice's corruption to have a black left eye, so almost certainly yes, but we'll see!)
"Ponies? Humans? Furries?"
- I haven't fully decided. In my head, Melodi is a human, but I could also see her being a cat. I'm not sure what I wanna do just yet. However, she will not be a pony. She's gonna be far more human shaped. With boobies.
"Is this one gonna have porn?"
- Nope! Not directly as part of the blog, no. Sexual encounters are going to happen in a very fade-to-black way, or a cropped-off-screen sort of way, yes. And there will be sexy characters, like monster girls or demon girls, and I'm sure people will find Melodi herself sexy, too. However, the blog is not going to contain actual porn. No full nudity. It will have what some would refer to as "fetish content," as with LMR, but it's not porn.
"Final question, so... LMR is just... dead? As of now?"
- In terms of receiving updates from me, all that will be made is the LMR animation. But no, I certainly hope LMR is not dead. I would love to see the blog live on through other artists I've inspired. You all have my blessing to keep her alive forever.
Thank you all so much for your support.
More news involving Melodi and her twisted adventures coming soon.
I love you all, and I want you all to know how much your support of Lil Miss Rarity has changed my life.
I know it's cringe to type this, but, "I'm literally crying right now."
Mommy will always be pretty.
~Jay Tonique (Formerly Lil Miss Jay)
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This is About Oceangate
...kind of. Like, heads up for people who are sick of hearing about it or are too disturbed by this, just scoot on by, that's fine.
Like everybody else my age who had a middle school special interest in the Titanic that was further fueled by the James Cameron movie (and that sounds very specific, but I absolutely know I'm not alone), I've been following this story fuckin voraciously.
I think everybody I know IRL and online is fucking sick of me talking about it. I have been actively trying not to blog much about it here because I'm so obsessed with it that I'm annoyed with myself. I would like to not be this interested in it.
But a lot of the stuff I can think of to say has been said by a lot of people already, I don't want to add to an already noisy environment if I've got nothing new to say.
So, instead, I want to talk about what I haven't seen very many people talking about- something that's stood out to me about the way the media has been handling this story from the get-go. So, finally, I'm inflicting my days long media binge on you.
The media's handling of this was bad. Like, comprehensively fucked.
For the uninformed, a primer on the situation- feel free to skip down if you know all this, there's a bulleted list right after I get done with this part, look for that. But some of this is important to the terms I use, so I wanted to lay it out. (Also I just want to get a lot of this out of my system, please just let me have this.)
The Titan is a 'cyclops-class' submersible. As far as I can tell, 'cyclops-class' is unique to the people who made this submersible, it's not a widely recognized thing.
The Titan can carry up to five passengers. It was supposed to be rated to reach depths of up to 4000 meters below sea level.
The Titan is/was owned and operated by a company known as Oceangate. There's a lot of questions regarding the safety of the submersible, where the math came from on their depth rating, and- basically everything about the Titan is in question, at this point. There's a lot of questions, but that's not what I want to talk about.
Right now. Maybe later.
A submersible is distinct from a submarine in that it requires a surface support ship for many things- the Titan moved too slow to leave port under its own power and go to the site, it didn't have enough life support to do that kind of thing, etc. A submarine is self-supporting and can operate independently. Kind of pedantic, I know, but the Titan is a submersible, not a submarine.
The Titan had a planned expedition to the wreck of the Titanic on June 18, 2023- this past Sunday, at the time of writing. The expedition was supposed to last around 10 hours. It chartered a ship- the Polar Prince- to act as mother ship, the on the surface support that the Titan requires. (The Polar Prince is owned and operated by a different company than the Titan.)
1 hour and 45 minutes into the expedition, as the Titan was still making its way to the sea floor, the Polar Prince lost all contact with the submersible.
The Titanic wreck is at just under 4000 meters deep, right around 2.5 miles.
Now, my understanding is that the Titan was not fully at the ocean floor at the point contact was lost, but it's not clear how deep the Titan was at that time. We may not ever know this for certain.
When the Titan was reported as missing to the coast guard is kind of unclear, to me- I heard 6 hours after they lost contact, I heard 12 hours after they lost contact, I saw something that indicated they reported it missing immediately- I don't know for sure. When the coast guard report comes out, I'm hoping we'll get a more accurate timeline.
However, as soon as it was reported missing, a massive search and rescue operationg was started. Complicating the search efforts were the fact that the submersible seemed to have no type of emergency distress locator beacon (I'm not sure what the precise nautical terminology would be for this).
The search included visual searching of the surface, dropping buoys with microphones, and ROVs (unmanned remote operated vehicles, deep sea robots operated by crew on ships at the surface) searching the floor, and probably some other stuff I'm forgetting. Deep sea radar etc etc, every tool they had access to.
The search and rescue concluded on Thursday (June 22, 2023) around midday, when they definitively found pieces of the destroyed submersible's pressure vessel (the part of the submersible that held pressure and kept the people safe and alive) in a debris field, approximately 1600 feet away from the Titanic.
The destroyed pressure vessel and reports from the Navy on hearing sounds consistent with implosion at the time the Titan lost contact indicates that the submersible underwent what is being called a 'catastrophic implosion'.
It is now an investigation and recovery operation, while they try to figure out what exactly went wrong.
The five men in the sub are dead. In all likelihood, they died so quickly that their nervous system didn't have time to process what happened. What happened to their bodies during this was probably gory and kind of horrifying, but it's unlikely they experienced any awareness of this.
There were five extremely wealthy men on the submersible- they were not all billionaires, but those that weren't were worth hundreds of millions of dollars. If you want a rough sketch of their biographies, there's a link here. Other than them being pretty wealthy, who they are doesn't play that much into what I want to talk about, so I don't feel the need to go into it right now. (Again, as more information comes out, I may come back for another swing.)
So, my complaint. The number of times I saw a news interview with an expert that went like this is not small:
news host interviews deep ocean expert of some variety (who is not involved in rescue)
host asks expert what chances are that the dudes are alive and will be recovered alive
expert, being honest, says something like 'slim to none'
host responds with some amount of sincere-seeming disappointment, then after interview, pivots to the ongoing search for the definitely still alive people
There were news programs with clocks counting down how much theoretical oxygen was left. There were frequent updates to news stories with nothingburgers of additions, just to pad it out. It was, if they were alive at that moment, fucking ghoulish. That they were dead makes it even more horrible.
And I cannot emphasize enough how many experts said, to generalize and paraphrase here: "Unless they are found bobbing on the surface in the next n hours, they are dead. Even if they are alive right this minute, on the bottom of the ocean, there is no hope to rescue them in time."
This is not a failure of any of the rescue entities involved, by the way. The environment they were presumed to be in- 4000 meters under sea level- is so extreme that there are very few vehicles in the world with the capability of even getting to that depth. Like, 10 or less. As far as I know, none of them are designed to do any kind of deep sea rescue- which would have involved carefully scooping up or netting the Titan and hauling it up very slowly. There's no way to transfer personnel between ships at this depth, and the Titan had the largest passenger allowance at this depth, afaik. Like, the odds were incredibly, vanishingly small that these men would live.
The media, at large, never ever really allowed that to change the way they talked about this story or treated the participants in the story. At around 11 am or noon (central daylight time) on Thursday I saw them talking about how 'oxygen is critical'.
Oxygen was critical 24 hours prior. Even by the most generous of expectations, they were out of breathable air. Given how, to put it mildly, janky the submersible seemed to have been, there was absolutely no guarantee that they had even the 96 hours that Oceangate claimed.
Their likelihood of being rescued alive from the ocean floor was minimal on Monday. By Thursday, they were dead- again, unless they were found on the surface somewhere and had managed to carefully preserve their air somehow, they were already dead.
The media didn't really allow for the reality of the situation to be clear until Oceangate and the USCG came out and said 'yeah, they're dead'.
"Well, what's the problem with that?" you might ask. "The United States Coast Guard was the one who was saying it was a rescue up until that point."
Sure. That's their job. Their job is to treat it like an urgent rescue until it is certain that it is not. A significant amount of what they do is to rescue people from doing damnfool things in the water, and keeping hope alive until they find bodies, or evidence thereof. They were doing exactly what they should be doing.
(Whether they do this to this extent for everybody lost at sea is another conversation that's absolutely worth having, as well as their role in border patrol, but I have no bone to pick with the USCG in this particular instance. They did their all until they could do no more, that's the whole point of them, this is how they're supposed to operate.)
The media was not doing what they should be doing. There's an old quote somewhere that I think is just a journalism truism (everyone I've heard talk about it says their journalism professor said it)- if someone tells you it's raining, and someone else tells you it's not, your job isn't to report that, your job is to go outside and see if it's wet.
James Cameron- director of the aforementioned Titanic movie, as well as being a Titanic and deep sea submersible expert, knew they were dead on Monday.
He reached out to some people, he found out that the mother ship lost contact with the crew as well as their location at the same instant, and that the Navy heard a sound consistent with an implosion at around that time.
The information that the Navy heard the implosion was not classified information- they heard it via a listening system that was declassified in the 90s, I believe. Like, I knew about the system just kind of casually because I know random Navy stuff. (My dad was in the Navy, it's mostly osmosis.)
The people on the scene were informed as soon as the Navy knew. (When that was, I'm not sure, except it was before Monday. Probably they had someone go back and listen to it and weren't actively monitoring it, but it's hard to say.)
The deep ocean submersible community knew, well enough that James Cameron could call a buddy and find out. He was telling people on Monday to raise a glass to them.
The media could have had this information, if they did not have it. Either they didn't want to know, or did know, and didn't say it. And I can't say for certain they were suppressing information, but I do know that they frequently downplayed any evidence that these people were dead.
I know on CNN they ran a story about FADOSS- the FlyAway Deep Ocean Salvage System- that was shipped out to Newfoundland. It arrived Wednesday afternoon. Description in the alt text, link here.
At the time this story was published, the people in the sub would have theoretically had less than 24 hours of breathable air. They hadn't even chartered a ship for the FADOSS, at this point. And the port in Newfoundland is hundreds of miles from the site. I'm not sure how many hours away but, like, hours away. I think I heard it's a 6 hour trip, but I'm not certain on that.
This system was referenced in the news as if it was going to be part of the rescue process. Very clearly, this was never going to happen. The quote, 'a process which can take a full day' is a mild understatement, here.
It could, theoretically, be done in 24 hours, but was much more likely to take longer, unless they had enough crew in Newfoundland to do round-the-clock welding.
The response to the question about recovering someone alive is a polite way of saying 'that's not what we do'. They were not part of the rescue operation and were never intended to be, as far as I can tell.
(If you're wondering what part the FADOSS is going to take in the recovery and investigation process, it's not. It's used to lift heavy objects off the floor, and the Titan broke into small enough pieces that the ROVs are believed capable of handling it. FADOSS is on its way back to wherever it is kept. I suspect it was brought out in the edge case that the submersible was found intact with dead crew, to retrieve the vessel whole, so that the families would have bodies to bury.)
Setting aside the 'oh they definitely blew up' news that seems to have been available the whole time, every single piece of evidence and expertise pointed to these people being dead, and yet the news persisted in sort of breathlessly (sorry) talking about the rescue efforts and how much time was left. They persisted in talking about how definitely still alive these people were until they could not do that anymore.
Other examples of this issue are the knocking thing. There were reports of some of the buoys picking up something that could be described as 'knocking'. Some said it was 'every thirty minutes' but we don't know how precise a measurement that was. As soon as they started talking about the knocking, I looked into it.
As it turns out, this is just a thing that happens. The sea is very noisy, and it's hard to determine the source of a sound. Some geological things sound manmade, vice versa. They had a lot of ships cooperating together to work the search area, it's possible that they were hearing noise from those, or something from an oil platform a jillion miles away, because noise travels far and is hard to pinpoint. They had this issue while searching for the sunken USS Thresher and it was one of the ships doing the searching. Given how many different moving parts there were in this search operation, it's hard to say what the knocking was. This is just a thing in the ocean, there's a lot of fuckin noise and experts can't always pinpoint it down in location or even what it might be.
This is why, even though they heard sounds that were consistent with implosion, at the time that the Titan lost total contact with the mother ship, it was still treated as if there was a live rescue operation. Because they couldn't be certain.
But the odds were extremely poor that these men were alive, and almost everybody involved knew that fairly early on. Again, the rescue operation had to go forward like they were looking for someone alive because that's how that works. The media, on the other hand, handled this in a very irresponsible way.
And, like, I know, news media is bad at being news is not some like hot new thing, I've just been building up frustration for days and so it had to come out somehow.
I'm not sure how much of this was just because they're very wealthy men- only one of whom I've ever heard of before- and how much of it was because it was a very bizarre and unique ongoing situation, how much of it was the intersection of that.
But pretty much everybody with enough knowledge to be worth talking to about this knew, like, Monday that even if they weren't dead right then, they were very unlikely to make it out alive, and watching the news wind a bunch of people up over the hopeful outcome was revolting.
Okay. We'll see if I can go 24 hours without talking about this. If you made it to the end of this absolute fucking novel, congratulations and/or I'm sorry.
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hozier lyrics, hozier (expanded edition)
❛ i should've worshipped them sooner. ❜
❛ we were born sick. ❜
❛ the only heaven i'll be sent to is when i'm alone with you. ❜
❛ i'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies. ❜
❛ good god, let me give you my life. ❜
❛ there is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin. ❜
❛ it's toying somewhere between love and abuse. ❜
❛ no more alone or myself i could be. ❜
❛ [i/you] lurched like a stray to the arms that were open. ❜
❛ i lay my heart down with the rest at [your/their] feet. ❜
❛ i wonder if it's better now having survived. ❜
❛ i'm so tired trying to see from behind the red in my eyes. ❜
❛ no better version of me i could pretend to be tonight. ❜
❛ [they/you] found me just in time. ❜
❛ cause with my mid-youth crisis all said and done, i need to be youthfully felt cause i never felt young. ❜
❛ it'd be great to find a place we could escape sometimes. ❜
❛ we tried the world and it wasn't for us. ❜
❛ you knew who i was with every step that i ran to you. ❜
❛ would things be easier if there was a right way? ❜
❛ honey, there is no right way. ❜
❛ i fall in love just a little bit every day with someone new. ❜
❛ there's an art to life's distractions. ❜
❛ love with every stranger, the stranger the better. ❜
❛ all i've ever done is hide. ❜
❛ when you kill the lights and kiss my eyes, i feel ike a person for a moment of my life. ❜
❛ but you don't know what the hell you put me through. ❜
❛ it feels good to be alone with you. ❜
❛ there are questions i can't ask. ❜
❛ now, at last, the worst is over. ❜
❛ i know that you hate this place. ❜
❛ there's something tragic about you, something so magic about you, don't you agree? ❜
❛ there's something lonesome about you, something so wholesome about you. ❜
❛ innocence died screaming. ask me, i should know. ❜
❛ there's something broken about this but i might be hoping about this. ❜
❛ we'll lay here for years or for hours, your hand in my hand. so still and discreet. ❜
❛ i'd be home with you. ❜
❛ any way to distract and sedate. ❜
❛ i'm somewhere outside my life. i keep scratching but somehow i can't get in. ❜
❛ don't you stand there watching me, won't you? ❜
❛ don't you join in, you're supposed to drag me away from it. ❜
❛ i'm so full of love, i could barely eat. ❜
❛ [they/you] are sweet as can be. [they/you] give me toothaches just from kissing me. ❜
❛ no grave can hold my body down, i'll crawl home to [them/you]. ❜
❛ you never asked me once about the wrong i did. ❜
❛ [you/they] would never fret none about what my hands and my body done. ❜
❛ if the lord don't forgive me, i'd still have you and you would have me. ❜
❛ why were you digging? what did you bury? ❜
❛ i will not ask you where you came from. i will not ask and neither should you. ❜
❛ just put your sweet lips on my lips. we should just kiss like real people do. ❜
❛ i know that look, eyes always seeking. ❜
❛ i will not ask you why you were creeping. in some sad way, i already know. ❜
❛ you know better than to smile at me like that. ❜
❛ i know who i am when i'm alone. ❜
❛ you don't understand. you should never know how easy you are to need. ❜
❛ don't let me in with no intention to keep me. ❜
❛ it can't be unlearned. i've known the warmth of your doorways. ❜
❛ i'll find my way back to you. ❜
❛ my heart is heavy with the hate of some other man's beliefs. ❜
❛ screaming the name of a foreigner's good is the purest expression of grief. ❜
❛ i feel no control of my body. i feel no safety in [your/their] arms. ❜
❛ all that i've been taught and every word i've got is foreign to me. ❜
❛ it looks ugly but it's clean. ❜
❛ your fight and fury is fiery. ❜
❛ it's worth it, it's divine. i have this some of the time. ❜
❛ you called my name til the fever broke. ❜
❛ i heard a scream in the woods somewhere. ❜
❛ i turned and ran to save a life i didn't have. ❜
❛ i need you to run to me. run to me! ❜
❛ when i was a child, i heard voices. some would sing and some would scream. ❜
❛ don't you ever tame your demons but always keep them on a leash. ❜
❛ you've done me wrong for a long, long time. ❜
❛ after all you've done, i never changed my mind. ❜
❛ please, try to love me. ❜
❛ my love will never die. ❜
#lyrics rp starters#lyrics starters#lyrics rp meme#lyrics meme#sentence starters#rp starters#rp meme#roleplay meme
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Hello! Currently thinking about dteam and chuckle sammich honeymoon hc's! Where you'd go, what you'd do, how was IT was mm
dteam & chuckle sammy on their honeymoons
dteam masterlist & chuckle sammy masterlist & descrip. pg. 13+. gn!reader.
a/n. omg bae, i've got you! also thoughts like these are gonna be rotting my brain for the next month / nsfw versions: dteam / chuckle sammy
dream
either hawaii or france.. idk what to tell you he's a cheeseball, sticks with the classics OR on the complete opposite, somewhere thailand (but for the sake of my sanity and writing ability we're going with kona, hawaii)
definitely picked a b&b over a hotel, he wanted the privacy for that first night as a wedded couple
leaving around 11am to go to beaches all day or go shopping
when you're out shopping, he always finds a way to not-so-subtly mention that you guys have just gotten married / he thinks he's subtle
standing in a pacsun, the cashier scanned the tags of the clothes you were buying, asking the usual customer service questions, ”how are y'all doing, did you find everything okay?” and you look up at your husband before nodding, but he still spoke up, ”doing good, we just got married, this is spouse, and yeah,” he turns to you, ”i think we found everything okay.” ”mhm.” you smile at his incessant need to announce that you're married.
tbh powerbottom!dream but in an absolutely sfw, fluffy way / how he looks at you with, essentially, heart eyes when he says something begging for your approval but also making it widely known that you're his and that you're married every chance he gets
dream most definitely has that 'nothing can bring me down' mentality while on your honeymoon
also in the evenings when the sun sets and you're sat next to him or on his lap, he thanks any and every higher power he's ever heard of that you came into his life because you're stunning and he loves you so much and can't imagine his life without you
doesn't even register if fans come up and ask for a picture until you point them out, he's just so invested in you
he also doesn't get on any of his social media except to post the occasional instagram story despite how much you told him it was fine and you didn't mind if he checked twitter or updated his snap story
”clay, aren't your fans gonna worry if you go MIA from twitter?” you set your notebook aside, turning to face him. ”no honey i'm gonna spend time with you, they can wait.” he smiles at you. ”yeah i know but-” ”no buts. they can wait.”
also he inevitably gets sick on the last day of your honeymoon, which is fine because you were getting tired of going out every day / you made him soup with the small amount of food you'd bought at the local costco and he finally took to twitter to tell them how wonderful you were being
sapnap
i think he's taking you on 2 honeymoons, the first is for two weeks in texas to spend time with his family, just so you know you can always depend on them when you need them
the other is for three weeks in greece; the people, the culture, the food, he loves it and he wants to surround you in it
probably picked a hotel over a b&b
also on all the flights, during airport security, in taxis/ubers, when waiting for flights, in the hotel, he kept repeating the same words
mrs./mr./mx. armstrong, he just loves saying it, SO MUCH
”i love you, [mrs./mr./mx.] armstrong.” your newlywed husband spins you in his arms, pulling you flush against his chest. ”i know mr. armstrong, and i love you.” you press a kiss to his lips, trying to get out of his arms to get back to unpacking your suitcase
i think for activities, lots of lunches out and dinners in
also a whole lot of museums and art galleries and ancient ruins, spending time talking about greek mythology and your own theories and opinions on it
sap also sometimes calls you bro on accident and you sometimes call him dude still and all you guys can ever say about it is 'it is what it is'
”what are you gonna get, bro?” he asks as he closes his own menu. he didn't even realise what he said, but the waiter did, and he just watched with intent, unsure of what was happening. ”i don't know dude, whatever you're having i guess.” you close your menu. the waiter speaks up, ”i'm sorry i know it's none of my business but uhm- are you two not, married?” he sounds nervous, as if he thinks he's interrupted some secret affair. ”wh- what? we're married. we've been married.” sap is the one to point it out, taking your hand in his. ”ah, it was just how you called each other 'dude', and 'bro'.” the waiter laughs nervously, walking away with the order written down. in unison, ”it is what it is.”
i also think he takes you shopping because he believes the people who gave you the best wedding gifts should also get a gift in return in addition to a thank you card
lots of hand swinging with your left hand to show off your ring, and hugging in lines, and kissing-bordering-on-making-out in public, he just has no reason not to anymore, you're married
george
george couldn't decide where you went for awhile, so he asked of your friends and his friends and ended up at first with iceland (this is george guys remember) but then changed his mind and picked italy and romania, one week in each
b&b >>> hotels with george, he prefers the privacy
he spent months before the wedding trying to learn the basics of the italian and romanian languages despite how widespread english is
definitely takes you out to eat A BUNCH, except for two nights in each country where you and him cooked dinner for yourselves
you can expect lots of late mornings and late nights with george, he just can't get enough of his new spouse
definitely emphasises your last name being davidson whenever there's a reservation or when he feels the staff is being a little too forward
”last name?” the host asked, eyes glued to the kiosk screen in front of him. ”mr. and mx. davidson.” your husband smiled at you, giving your hand a gentle squeeze.
takes you to a store at the start of the trip so you have food where you're staying / bonus if you convince him to go to a farmers' market
every day of the trip you and him have set aside an hour to talk to your respective friends on the phone (he's louder)
also forgets to tell you that he booked a redeye for the first flight out of italy/romania because when he booked it he forgot he was planning for two people instead of just himself / he apologised a lot for it
”y/n i'm sorry, if i had been paying attention i would've booked it for later in the day tomorrow.” ”george, baby it's fine. i really don't mind. it's not like i'm going anywhere.” you flash him your ring with a smile to emphasise you point, to which he returns the smile before looking at his own ring.
he apologised again when the plane was about to take off
ted
i think ted takes you to japan for your honeymoon, at least for a week to try those capsule hotels that you and him been dying to try for months
i think he wants to go see all sorts of attractions in japan; theme parks, cat cafes, boardwalks, boat tours, and maybe take you to see an anime film (my brain is rotted from wanting to see an anime film in japan im sorry)
he booked a hotel because in the moment, it felt the easiest
even in japan he would get recognised, but not nearly as often as he did in the states and he would kindly turn down any fan who wanted a picture because he was busy on his honeymoon
lots of small kisses; at the end of a boardwalk, right before you sit down at restaurants, when you get back to the hotel room, when he brings you coffee, tea, or water in the morning, just outside the restaurant when you're leaving, when you two depart in a mall for a set time of 20 minutes
i think he likes seeing the trending tags on twitter surrounding your wedding
”what'ya smiling at, like an idiot baby?” you ask him, drying your hair with a towel from your recent shower, as you walk around from where your suitcase was to where he was stood in the mini kitchen. ”'the nivisons,' we're trending honey, that's all. i think it's sweet.” ”you know coming over here and giving me a kiss is even sweeter.” his phone is on the counter and he's encasing himself around you so fast.
he definitely texted his married friends for ideas when he started to run out / also before you left he logged into your pinterest on your computer and looked for anything he could use as an idea
you guys start binge-watching a new show while on your honeymoon and made inside jokes about it (yeah you became that couple)
holds your hand when you're walking around and getting into taxis and doing pretty much anything in public because he's scared he'll lose you in a crowd
he talks to you like he would a child. ”don't let go of my hand.” ”i won't ted, don't worry.” you shake your head at his antics once he turns away.
books a later in the afternoon flight out so that you can sleep in and he can pack for you and wake you up and get you out the door slowly, without a huge rush and stress
charlie
charlie takes you to 2 places, to start, you get 3 weeks in bali plus a week in new zealand (jrr tolkien/hobbit/lotr fans are gonna love this one)
in bali, he rents a whole house, 1 bedroom & 1 bathroom with a rate of $110 (usd) a night
while you're there, he takes you to sightsee places like gunung kawi temple, pura lempuyang luhur, ubud monkey forest, tukad cepung waterfall and holy spring (tirta empul)
of course wherever you go he insists on holding your hand, just to keep you close by
”baby you gotta let go of my hand i wanna take pictures.” your husband huffs a small, ”fine.” he releases your hand, but his hands find perch on your waist while you take pictures of the water, or the shops, or the wildlife, whatever.
definitely asks if he can use some of the pictures you took for his instagram story (it's the most he's ever used his insta story) and you tell him yes but only if you get to pick them / also on the same note, if either of you snap anyone during your honeymoon or just take selfies in general, they're always of you two kissing or giving each other cheek kisses in the house or at a restaurant or at a location you're visiting
he spends a lot of time just looking at your ring and how the ring on your finger looks against his fingers and vice versa with his ring against your fingers
”charlie?” he looks up from your intertwined hands in surprise. ”hm, what?” ”whatcha thinkin' about?” ”mmm, nothin', just admiring you.” he pressed a gentle kiss to your cheek, making you smile and a small tint to cover your cheeks.
in new zealand it's a hotel but it's a hobbit hole hotel, complete with tours of everything new zealand could offer about the tolkien's lord of the rings/hobbit universe
more eating out here than in bali despite how much more expensive it is
(if you're not a huge tolkien fan:) lots of thank yous from him for putting up with the trip so he could enjoy it // (if you are a huge tolkien fan:) a ton of excitement for both of you during the entire trip, and lots of talking about your own theories as you learn more about the fictional world
also vlogging the new zealand trip with charlie >>>> / and cataloging the film in the airport just before your flight for you to edit when you get home
schlatt
canada. idc, canada, that's where you're going. or iceland. somewhere cold.
i'm kidding, he told you that as a prank and then took you to australia (i apologise if you can't stand the animals there but this is schlatt we're talking about c'mon)
hotel over a b&b because even he, being the big guy that he is, was a little worried about finding a massive spider in the bed
probably quite a bit of alcohol that first night as a married couple
”y'so- god sweets y'so pretty.” schlatt twirled you around with one hand, beer bottle in the other. you giggled, the alcohol affecting your words and actions. you kept one hand tangled with his while the other held a grip on your bottle of beer. ”j..y'so handsome, you know that?” he blushed, and it must've been the alcohol because your boyfriend– husband now, never got flustered over something as small as that.
there's one night where you two go out dancing and when he sees all the prying eyes of the men and women around you, he makes sure to emphasise your ringed hands, keeping one of his hands planted firmly on your side
somehow you ended up going to see some aniaml fight with schlatt and when it got a little.. gory, you'd cover your eyes with your hands and tuck your head into his shoulder or his chest
”you alright baby?” he asked, flicking his eyes between you and the fight, arm around your shoulder, bringing you closer. ”i guess. jus'wanna leave though.” you whispered up into his ear and he nodded, waiting another minute before walking out with you tucked into his side, repeatedly asking you if you're really okay.
schlatt who takes you out to dinner every other night, with the rest of the nights being used to talk to both his and your friends and watch films together
also schlatt who believes in taking turns making lunch; whether it be sandwiches (it usually is), or pasta, a frozen pizza, etc, you take turns, after all you're married now, everything is 50/50
you probably both get sick at the end of the trip from something you ate and at first you were really worried, but he got better after a day and you two days after that
i also one hundred percent believe schlatt wanted to get home as soon as possible and picked an earlier in the morning flight / him plucking you from the bed three hours before your flight so you could shower and get ready, finish repacking, etc
pray4saint© do not copy, translate or repost my work without my express permission.
#pray4saint#dteam#dream team#dsmp#mcyt#chuckle sandwich#chuckle sammy#dreamwastaken fluff#dreamwastaken#dwt x reader#dreamwastaken x reader#georgenotfound#georgenotfound fluff#georgenotfound x reader#gnf x reader#sapnap#sapnap fluff#sapnap x reader#ted nivison#ted nivison x reader#charlie slimecicle#slimecicle#charlie slimecicle x reader#slimecicle x reader#charlie slimecicle fluff#jschlatt#schlatt#jschlatt x reader#schlatt x reader#jschlatt fluff
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Lost Time
Summary: Two years. Your soulmate has been missing for two years. After exhausting all your resources to look for him, you get a message from an old friend asking for help. Little do you know what's waiting for you when you arrive.
Pairing: Captain Gregor x reader
Warnings: NSFW, smut, unprotected sex, Gregor is a boob guy, mention of a brain injury, Gregor's past, major angst and feels, Soulmate AU
A/N: I know I said Echo was up next, but this one just came upon me out of nowhere. I've never written for Gregor before, and I've never really read much fic for him so I'm sorry if this is absolute trash. It's the shortest out of all of them so far cause I definitely don't feel confident in this. I gave it my best shot, and I hope it's at least palatable.
MASTERLIST
It’s been two years. Two long years since you’ve seen your soulmate. You remember sneaking into the supply closet, clinging onto him as he kissed you goodbye before he left for another battle.
If you had known that was the last time you’d see him, you would have held on longer.
The battle was one of the worst. You remember the defeat, the far too few troopers returning to the ship. You were kept busy, treating and aiding the battered troopers. You hadn’t noticed until later, when Coil had pulled you aside with the pity filled look in his eyes. You’ll never forget that look.
MIA. That was his official status. You know he’s not dead. You would know if he was, you would have felt it. There would be no hiding it. Besides, he had too many life points left when he’d walked away from you.
He’s not dead.
He’s missing.
You leave the army not long after.
They hadn’t even tried searching. You were slave to your duties, to hiding your connection, but it was driving you insane. They cared so little for the people laying down their lives for them every day. They won’t extend any searches, not wanting to risk staying in the area any more than they have to. They had lost the battle, and you had lost your soulmate.
You left the army, instead focusing your efforts on trying to find him. He had made it to a ship, but then he could have wound up anywhere. You exhausted every resource you had, spending every last dime you could afford trying to locate him.
You fail.
It’s like he vanished.
You know he’s still out there. You can feel it. He wouldn’t leave you like that.
Then the war ended. You knew something wasn’t right, things were happening that shouldn’t be. You didn’t trust the Empire, and so you had gone underground, trying to avoid them as much as possible. Your hunt for Gregor was over. There was no way you were going to find him now.
All you can do is trust that you’re going to cross paths again. Fate wouldn’t be that cruel, would it?
You stare at the number on your wrist in the dim light of your makeshift shelter. Life points, they were called, or a tracker of how many years you have left to live. You hadn’t known Gregor was your soulmate until you’d touched him for the first time, even though you both shared the same type of mark. His points had been lower than yours, significantly lower.
Despite your insistence, he hadn’t let you give him more points. It was possible to give points to your soulmate, shortening your life to lengthen theirs. You didn’t want to outlive Gregor, but he had refused to shorten your life for him. You knew he wouldn’t die in the war. He had too many years left. But the thought of living without him was too much. You didn’t want to outlive him, no matter how he died.
Your sweet, loyal Captain, out there somewhere. You wonder what happened to him, why you haven’t been able to find him. You wonder if he’s been looking for you, if by some sick chance you’ve been missing each other. Had he made it back to the GAR expecting you to be there? Had you made a mistake in leaving?
The doubts plagued your mind as the months passed without a sign of him. You’re determined fate won’t keep you apart, but still, you can’t help but question it in the dark of night as your thoughts run rampant.
“You think too much, cyare.” He’d said, playfully poking the wrinkle on your forehead. You had been lost in thought, curled up in his bunk with him during one of their brief shore leaves.
“I just worry.” You’d said, every mission he left on, every battle he fought in making your mind wander with thoughts of all the horrible things that could happen to him.
“Don’t worry about me.” He’d tried to console you, wrapping his arms tighter around you.
You can still feel him, even two years later. The rasp of his voice, the smell of him, the feel of his arms wrapped around you. You’ll never forget. Your mind, your body, your very soul yearns to have him again, to hold him, to kiss him, to feel his skin against yours just once more.
What you would give to make that happen.
***
You're shocked when Rex contacts you. You knew Rex from the few times you'd worked with the 501st. Gregor knew Rex too, and had only the highest praise for his fellow Captain.
You haven't heard from Rex since you defected. You haven't heard from anyone since then. That wasn't exactly the smartest move, especially if Gregor had somehow returned to the army. Burning those bridges probably wasn't the best, but you could be arrested for desertion if the wrong person knew how to find you. That would have put both you and Gregor in danger.
You're not sure exactly how Rex got ahold of you, but you replay his comm message over and over. It's hardly more than a location and a request for assistance. It could be a trap. Anyone or anything could be waiting for you there.
Or it could be someone.
You decide to go. If nothing else, perhaps Rex could help you rekindle your search. Or, maybe he already knew where to find Gregor.
You make for the location, your heart pounding in your chest. You feel sick with nerves, hands shaking as you land your piece of junk near the location. You steady your nerves, tucking your blaster into the back of your pants before you leave the ship.
Almost immediately you're greeted by two troopers with blasters. Is this it? Has the Empire caught up to you? You're not sure what they would want from you, except maybe to uphold punishment for deserting the Republic's Army. Or perhaps your reluctance to register in their system.
"What is your business here?" One of the troopers asks. They're not dressed like the troopers you've seen in passing. Their armor is worn and painted still.
You state your name, lifting your hands in surrender. "Rex sent for me."
They share a look before lowering their blasters, the one that had spoken motioning for you to follow with his head. You follow them through the trees, down the path towards what looks like an abandoned building. It’s not abandoned, though, many troopers mulling about inside and out.
You’re led inside, Captain Rex approaching you. You remember him well, even if he looks a bit older, and more tired than the last time you’d seen him. You can only imagine how hard everything has been on him.
“Captain.” You say, greeting him. “I wasn’t expecting to hear from you.”
“Thank you for coming.” Rex says. “I didn’t know if you would.”
“You said you need my help?” You frown a bit, not sure what you can offer that he probably doesn’t have already.
“Well, that’s only partially true.” He says. “I actually have a surprise.”
Your frown deepens as you stare at him. A surprise? What kind of surprise could he have?
“Hello, doll.”
Your body stiffens, breath catching in your throat. You stare at Rex wide eyed, a small smile forming on his face. Had you imagined it? Had you misheard something meant for someone else? You should turn, you should look. You’re too scared to move, too scared he’s not going to be there, that it’s all in your head.
Rex gives you a small nod, reassuring you as you begin to turn. Slowly, inch by inch you turn, half expecting nothing to be there.
It’s him. You know just by staring at him. Tears gather in your eyes as you look him over. He’s a bit thinner than you remember, but he’s no less defined. There’s dark circles under his eyes, wrinkles popping around his eyes as a smile tugs at his lips. He looks as much tired as he does relieved.
“Gregor?” You whisper, still trying to convince your brain this isn’t some dream, this isn’t some trick.
“It’s me.” He says, running a hand over his hair. He lets out a nervous giggle, eyes dropping to the floor. “It’s really me.”
He sounds different. His usual husky rasp is gone, his voice pitched higher than it had been before. A small frown pinches between your brows. What happened to him?
“You’re thinking too much, cyare.” He says, holding out a hand.
Your hand is shaking as you reach for him, tears blurring your vision. You’re pulled forward, body collapsing into his. He squishes you tight against his chest, your face pressing into his neck. He smells the same, just as you remember. Your legs wobble, nearly giving out as you cling to him. He holds you, his armor digging into your skin but you don’t care. It’s just another reminder he’s real.
“I looked for you for two years.” You sniffle, pulling back just slightly to look up at his face. “What happened to you?”
“It’s, uh, it’s a long story.” He says, letting out another giggle.
***
You’re coiled around him like a snake.
You’ve barely let go of him since your reunion, afraid he might disappear if you let go too long. You’re laying in a makeshift room on the base, stretched out on the cot together. It’s barely big enough for him, much less the two of you, but you don’t care. You don’t expect to be going far from him for a while.
He’s told you everything. What happened during the battle of Sarrish, crash landing on Abafar, his amnesia, the droids, the explosion, finding his way back to the Republic, signing up to train the new troopers, and then defecting and being imprisoned, then rescued, then brought here.
“I looked for you.” He says, hands trailing along your side. “Coil said you’d defected.”
“I was looking for you.” You say, curling a hand in his blacks. He’d ditched his armor, stacking it in a pile near the door. “I should have just stayed.” You say, shaking your head. “We could have been together sooner.”
“Don’t.” He frowns, tracing your lips with his thumb. “There’s no guarantee we would have seen each other then, either. I’m just glad you’re safe.”
“I think I’m supposed to be the one saying that.” You say, leaning in closer to his face.
“I think you’re saying too much right now.” He murmurs, his hand sliding down to your thigh to tug you further on top of him.
You close the distance, pressing your lips to his. They’re slightly chapped, but they’re still just as you remember them being.
He pulls away, letting out another giggle. He squeezes his eyes closed, a frown forming on his face. “Sorry.”
You press yourself up so you’re seated over him, looking down at him. A brain injury, you think, your medical training coming back to you. You cup his cheek, tracing his soft skin. “Don’t.” His eyes meet yours, lips parting as he stares up at you. “I know you can’t control it.”
“I know I-I’m not-”
You shush him, lowering yourself so you’re face to face again. “You’re here.” You peck his lips softly. “That’s what matters to me.”
His hands grip your hips, holding you against him as his nose brushes yours. “What did I do to deserve you?”
“I think it was that cheesy pickup line the first time we met.”
He snorts, kissing you softly. “I didn’t think it would work.”
“Well,” You kiss him again. “Here we are.”
He stares up at you, his gaze darkening a bit. You can feel him getting hard against your thigh. “Here we are.”
“You must have really missed me.” You murmur.
“You have no idea.” He says, cupping the back of your head to pull you into a kiss.
This kiss feels different than the ones you’d shared before. The desperation, the urgency, the longing. Two years apart, two years with no idea when you’d see each other again. It’s too long, far too long to be apart after forming your bond. You need him, you need all of him, and judging from the bulge pressing against your thigh, he feels the same.
His hands slip under your shirt, rough fingers trailing along your spine. You shiver under his touch, a fire lighting under your skin. You shift so you’re straddling him, grinding against his bulge in desperation for any sort of friction you can get. He groans against your lips, tugging at your shirt.
You pull away long enough to strip out of your shirt and breastband, his hands immediately reaching for your breasts. You roll your eyes with a smile, leaning down again. He tugs you closer, your body falling against him so his face is buried between your breasts.
“Gregor.” You say exasperatedly, but you don’t move, letting him lay there for a moment.
“Sorry, doll.” He says, voice muffled by your breasts. “I missed these beautiful tits.”
“It’s okay.” You run your hand over his head. “Take your time.”
He wraps his arms around your back, squishing you tight against his face. You’re worried he might smother himself, but you know if he’s going to die, this would not be the worst way he could go out.
For a moment you think he might be asleep, but he releases you, letting you push yourself back up. His hands close around your breasts, thumbs flicking over your nipples. You bite your lip, staring down at him as he’s transfixed by your breasts. He was always obsessed with your breasts, his favorite body part of yours he’d told you once.
“Maker, I could stare at these all day.” He says, squeezing them gently.
“Well, fuck me first, then you can stare all you’d like.”
His eyes snap up to yours, his gaze darkening a bit. “Deal.” He says, releasing your breasts so he can sit up.
You tug his shirt over his head, trailing your fingers along his skin. You trace scars, new and old, every divot of his skin. His hands work on undoing your pants, and you sit back to help him tug them off. You push him onto his back, tugging his pants down his hips and over his thick thighs. He’s hard and leaking already, your hand closing around his length.
Oh how you’ve missed him.
You jerk his length a couple times, your own folds already slick and ready for him. You move yourself on top of him, lining him up before lowering yourself onto him. You sigh at the stretch, working your way slowly down his length. His hands rest on your thighs, holding onto you as he watches you.
You feel alive again, the tension leaving your body as you reconnect with him after so long. The distance you’d suffered is washing away, the bond between you strengthening once more.
“Feel so good, doll.” He groans, hands sliding up your thighs to grip at your hips.
“Missed you.” You breathe, bracing yourself on his stomach. “Missed you so much.”
“No idea how much I missed you.” He groans as you begin to move, rocking yourself on his cock.
You curse quietly, extending your movements until you’re bouncing on his cock. He watches you, eyes focused on your body as you fuck yourself on him. He loves watching you, loves letting you take your pleasure from him. He wished you’d had more chances before. Having to keep his distance while simultaneously so close to him was torture.
He doesn’t have to worry about that now. You two can be together without having to fear any repercussions. No one’s going to tear you apart now.
He pulls your body down against his, wrapping his arms around your back to hold you as he lifts his hips, beginning to thrust into you. You let out the most beautiful noises as he fucks you, your fingers digging into his shoulders. He grunts at the bite of your nails, but he doesn’t stop, wanting to feel you cum around him.
“So good,” He groans. “So good for me, mesh’la.”
“Gregor!” You cry, your clit dragging against his pelvis with every thrust. “I’m gonna cum!”
“Cum for me.” He moans, breath panting against your ear. “Wanna feel you.”
You shake as you cum, spasming around him. His own hips stutter, the tightness of your walls milking his own orgasm from him. He groans loudly, stilling as he spills inside you. You let out breathy little moans at the feeling, going limp against him.
He strokes your skin, staying still under you. He had missed you so kriffing much. He had been determined to find you, determined to track you down, even if he had to scour the entire galaxy. He had been elated when Rex told him he’d already contacted you before he’d picked him up from Ord Mantell.
“Gregor,” You breathe his name, your warm breath fanning across his chest.
He sits up, holding you in his lap. “Yes, doll?”
You shift just slightly, hand closing around his bicep. “I love you.”
He kisses your forehead, the skin damp with sweat. “I love you too.”
His muscles tense when he feels a tickling sensation on his wrist. He lifts his warm, watching as the number on his wrist changes, increasing significantly. He grips your arms, pulling away from you slightly.
“What did you do?” He asks, grabbing your arm to stare at the number on your skin.
The numbers are the same now, still far more than he’d had before.
“I can’t live without you.” You say, blinking teary eyes up at him. “I don’t want to.”
“Doll...” He says, staring at the two numbers. He never wanted you to give up time for him. He didn’t think he was worth it.
You cup the back of his neck, drawing his gaze back to yours. “I wanted to do it. I lived two years without you. I don’t want to spend any more time apart.”
He blinks at you, tears filling his eyes. He pulls you tight against his chest, pressing his lips to yours. “I don’t deserve you.” He murmurs against your lips.
“You do.” You say, kissing all over his face. “You deserve this and so much more.”
He holds onto you, flipping you on the small cot so you’re on your back, his body resting on top of you. He presses his face back against your breasts, resting there. “You promised.”
You can’t help but laugh, letting your fingers trail over his face. “I did. I did promise.”
Taglist:
@stressed-cherry @6oceansofmoons @ladytano420 @spicy-clones @kaminocasey @dangraccoon @bobaprint @star-trekker-0013 @stunkbiggu @endofthexline @padawancat97 @rosechi @arctrooper69
#star wars#star wars fic#the clone wars#the clone wars fic#captain gregor x reader#captain gregor#x reader#soulmate au
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The Importance of Friendship
After the Starcourt incident, Steve gave it a little bit of time before inviting Robin over for pizza, a movie, and cupcakes. Robin had been surprised to learn that Steve had made all the food himself.
"One new thing that I learned about my new friend, noted," Robin said and then was surprised when he held a lit cupcake up to her. "What's this then?"
"To celebrate our new friendship," Steve said with a grin.
"Dingus," she said affectionately before blowing out the candle with him.
"I want you to know how much this friendship means to me," Steve said softly. "And not just because you're the first friend that I know for sure won't lead to me having sex with them. You're the first real friend that I've had in forever, and it means a lot to me."
"Your friendship means a lot to me too," Robin said and hugged him. "Okay, enough with this mushy shit, let's watch the movie."
They had just started the movie when Robin paused it, turning to Steve with a look of realization.
"Is something wrong?" Steve asked.
"Did you just imply that you had sex with Tommy H and Carol?" Robin asked, and Steve sighed before pulling her up. "Where are we going?"
"Can't have this conversation here, Robin," Steve replied as he pulled her into the bathroom.
"I think I know where this is going," Robin said, smiling softly. "So, you like. . ."
"Both. I like both," Steve said.
"Have you always known you like both?" Robin asked.
"Yep."
"Wait. So, were you, Tommy H, and Carol all. . ."
"Together? Yep. Until I got overwhelmed and had to back off. We remained friends for a while after that, but then I started dating Nancy, and well, you know. . .," Steve said.
"Were you in love with them?" Robin asked.
"No, no. I'm pretty sure in their own way they loved me, but it was a bad, needy relationship. They always had to know where I was going or who I was with, and I never liked the way they talked shit about people," Steve said. "It was hard for me to walk away when I know. . .
"When you know the relationship is bad," Robin said.
"Yeah," Steve said softly.
"How come you didn't tell me all of this at the mall?" She asked.
"Well, Dustin came in, and also, I didn't want to step on your moment," he replied.
"Dingus," Robin replied tearfully. "I hope one day that I meet someone who will understand just how important you are to me. You're a permanent part of my life now, Steve. You're not going anywhere, even when one day you decide that you're sick of me."
"You're a permanent part of my life, too. There's no way I'm ever going to get sick of you. It's you, who's going to get sick of me," Steve replied.
"You're going to get sick of me!"
"No, you're going to get sick of me!"
"No, you are!"
"You're right. I'm already sick of you, Robin."
"Hey! I thought we were doing something here!" Robin exclaimed as she kicked him, and they both started laughing.
"Hey, if you don't stop kicking me, I won't tell you about the guy I've had a crush on since freshman year," Steve said.
"I'll be good."
ONE YEAR LATER. . .
Steve was sitting poolside while everyone celebrated around him. He was content on watching everyone enjoying his pool, smiling at the sight of his best friend sitting by Vickie. She still hasn't made her move yet, but it was alright, Steve hadn't made his move yet either. Speaking of. . . Eddie plopped down in the chair beside him.
"Tired already?" Eddie asked. "I really wore you out, didn't I, big boy?"
"Yeah. You made it really difficult to keep your legs wrapped around my head. Did you have to squeeze so tight?" Steve asked.
"I had to win, Steve, I wasn't going to let Buckley take me out," Eddie said. "Especially not in a game of chicken."
"I think you owe me a new neck," Steve said.
"Aw, do you want Daddy to kiss it all better?" Eddie pouted, his voice deep and husky.
"Fuck off," Steve laughed, his cheeks red. "I told you to stop calling yourself that."
"Oop, I guess I've been a very bad boy," Eddie winked at him.
"That's it!"
Steve picked him up and threw him over his shoulder. Eddie shrieked as he was tossed into the pool. Steve grinned and dove into the pool after him. Steve chased him around the pool as well as chasing the kids. At one point, Steve had teamed up with Eddie to target the kids, and then they played a game of Marco Polo. Once they were all properly pruned up, they climbed out of the pool and laid around it, drying off. However, once they were all dry, the kids still had quite a bit of energy. Steve groaned when Dustin suggested they play a game of tag.
Now, here Steve was, running around in his own damn house. He slid into the bathroom and closed the door, leaning against the bathtub. Suddenly, the shower curtain opened behind him, and a hand slapped over his mouth. Steve let out a muffled yell.
"You ever been split in half on the floor of a bathroom?" a deep voice whispered in his ear before dragging his tongue across his cheek.
Steve struggled out of their grasp and turned around to find Eddie cackling in the bathtub.
"You fucker! I hate you," Steve glared.
"Sure you do, sweetheart," Eddie said.
Suddenly, the door opened, and Eddie quickly pulled Steve into the tub, shutting the curtain quickly. Steve was in Eddie's arms, his ringed fingers covering Steve’s mouth. He was doing everything in his power, not to nibble on his fingers. He turned his head towards Eddie's. They were so close. Eddie took his hand off of his mouth and started leaning in. Steve’s nose started to tickle. Oh no. He couldn't move his arms as Eddie had them trapped by his sides so he couldn't stop it from happening. Steve sneezed. Right. Into. Eddie's. Face. He froze. The curtain opened, and there stood Robin.
"Were you two about to . . ."
"I sneezed! I fucking sneezed!" Steve exclaimed.
"Into his face?" Robin asked with wide eyes as Eddie wiped his face.
Eddie started laughing and wiped his face into Steve’s hair. Robin rolled her eyes at them before plopping down on the floor next to the tub.
"Did you leave Vickie out there to get tagged?" Steve asked.
His question was answered a moment later when Vickie rolled into the bathroom and closed the door, locking it behind her. She turned around, grinning.
"Oh, cool, a sub party!" Vickie whispered. "Sorry, Mike almost saw me."
She sat down in front of Robin and placed her feet in her lap.
"We have to stop meeting like this, Steve," Robin said.
"Where's the fun in that, Robin?" Steve asked.
Robin and Steve’s eyes met, their lips upturned into a grin.
"Happy bathroom anniversary!" Robin and Steve exclaimed.
"You guys going to explain that or what?" Eddie asked, narrowing his eyes.
"A year ago, awful shit happened, people died, and we found ourselves on the floor of the bathroom during the fire at Starcourt," Steve said, unsure of how much Vickie knew. "Confessions were had. I told Robin I had a crush on her."
"I don't blame you for that one. She's very pretty," Vickie said, smiling at Robin and Robin snorted, blushing.
"Uh, yeah, and I told Steve I like girls," Robin said. "And he mocked me for my crush at the time, but not for me being a lesbian."
"A few days later, I invited her over where we had another bathroom conversation. I told her I'm bisexual," Steve said. "We've been best friends ever since."
"You left out something in your own coming out story," Robin said, raising an eyebrow.
"Seriously?"
"It's a good time as any," Robin said. "I'll tell them about my previous crush and my current crush if you do the same. No, pressure, though."
"Fine, I also told her about a crush I had," Steve rolled his eyes as he leaned back against Eddie. "So, there's this guy that I've had a crush on since freshman year. It kind of came back recently. He was a sophomore at the time, and he wasn't ashamed to be himself. I thought he was the coolest guy ever."
"And this guy is. . .?" Eddie asked, growling.
"Really cute. Especially the way he hides behind his hair sometimes and the way he takes lost sheep under his wings. Very cute behavior," Steve said.
"You're talking about me?" Eddie asked. "I mean, I'm right, aren't I?"
Steve nodded. Eddie pulled him into a fierce kiss. Steve deepened the kiss, hoping he didn't sneeze again, and cupped the back of his neck. They were too busy to notice that Robin had shut the curtain on them. Steve broke the kiss, nuzzling Eddie's cheek.
"You wanna go steady, Eddie?" Steve giggled.
"As long as you promise to pin me later, big boy," Eddie said. "And I'm definitely stealing your letterman."
"Oh my God! You guys are disgustingly cute!" Robin yelled as she pushed the curtain back. "You guys done eating each other's faces?"
Steve raised his eyebrows at the sight of Vickie and Robin's own bruised lips.
"Looks like we weren't the only ones eating out," Eddie cackled, and Robin threw a bar of soap at his head.
"Don't use me as a shield!" Steve shrieked.
Eddie pulled him tightly against, his hands resting firmly against Steve’s tummy. He kissed Steve’s cheek and began scratching his stomach.
"You know what I just realized?" Eddie asked.
"What?" Vickie asked.
"We all share the same anniversary now!" Eddie exclaimed. "Cheers!"
"That is so cool!" Vickie exclaimed.
"I bet me and Vickie will last longer than you, Munson," Robin told him.
"You're on, Buckley!" Eddie said, snapping his fingers at her. "Hey, how much money do you want to put on this?"
"No, Robin, you're not putting money on our relationship," Vickie said, laughing at her pouting face.
Eddie turned to look at Steve, hopefully.
"Yeah, that's a no from me," Steve replied.
"Hey, does that mean we're now going to somehow find ourselves in a bathroom every year?" Vickie asked.
"God, I hope not," Eddie said. "This is where people shit."
It was silent for a moment before everyone started laughing. They jumped when the bathroom doorknob started rattling, and there was cursing outside the door. Suddenly, the door unlocked itself and swung open. Dustin stood there with a grin and a Bobby pin.
"There you guys are!" Dustin exclaimed.
"This is familiar," Robin said.
"What are you guys doing in here?" Dustin asked.
"Hiding from Mike," Steve replied.
"Oh, we stopped playing a while ago, we want to watch a movie now," Dustin said.
They followed Dustin into the living room, where everyone was waiting for them. The four of them settled on the floor while the others took up the couch. Steve smiled at Robin while she smiled over at the top of Vickie's head. He couldn't believe how lucky they were to have found people who both knew exactly how important they were to each other, and they weren't bothered by it all. It just goes to show that friendship and romance were just as important, especially if you found the right person who was so willing to also let them into their lives. Honestly, it makes Steve love Eddie even more now.
#stranger things#steve harrington#robin buckley#robin & steve#platonic with a capital p#platonic soulmates#platonic stobin#eddie munson#stranger things s4#joseph quinn#eddie stranger things#eddie munson lives#steddie#steve x eddie#steve harrington x eddie munson#robin x vickie#rovickie#rockie#stranger things vickie fisher#fisher is her last name because i said so#bisexual steve harrington#bisexual eddie munson#bisexual vickie#lesbian robin buckley#happy fourth of july#love and friendship#stranger things fanfiction#long fic
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I really enjoy your blog and was wondering if you have advice on one of my biggest mental blocks. I'm 23 but struggle to feel like an adult and being independent deeply scares me even through I want to be "chasing my dreams". I've lived with my close knit family my whole life and still spend a lot of time with my parents. I'm almost going to move away(in the next year) and so I've began the process of getting a car/saving money, etc. But then I find myself subtly sabotaging these efforts because the idea of being alone/moving away also terrifies me. I really want to experience moving to a city and working and traveling and doing things I want and at this point I'm finding it draining being my parents "stay-at-home-daughter". But I also get anxiously sick when I try a push myself for more independence. I've put so much on hold going through school and then living in my home town w. parents and it's kind of scary to imagine dating (never prioritized men + parents didn't let me date in highschool= never had a bf or anything) or living alone even though I'd love to have the experience. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Basically I still feel like a 15 year old when it comes to my personal life and that feels a bit shameful.
I want to tell you that we all feel what you feel. You’ll only ever feel like an adult when you’ve exposed yourself to the outside world, regardless of whether you can handle it or not.
independence scares you because it’s unfamiliar territory. Often when we look at people who are independent and on their own two feet, they seem to have a sense of self identity, purpose and responsibilities to handle.
I’m always in favour of people moving out of their parents homes for a couple of years at least (the culture where I come from also emphasises on the whole family living together and there’s no move out at the age of 18 concept) because I see the pros and cons of both situations of living in/ out of your parents home.
No book, YouTube video, friends’ experiences will teach you about being an adult. You have to step out and experience it yourself.
Start doing exposure therapy. Basically, slowly, bit by bit, immerse yourself into the traditional adult experiences.
I’ll give you examples.
Understand fully how your insurance works. Keep all your medical records in both a physical and a digital file.
Understand how your car functions as a product - which means guarantees, warranties, insurance, emergency numbers, mechanics nearby, etc.
Start tracking all your spending expenses, even if you’re using your parents money at the moment. The earlier you start this habit, the better. Create a monthly budget for yourself and stick to it.
Start doing your own laundry in the house and learn that not all clothes go in the washing machine, some go for dry cleaning etc.
Make it a goal to learn to cook at least 5 dishes properly before you leave. If your parents are good cooks, ask them to teach you or go to every introvert’s favourite site, YouTube.
Pretend that your room is a mini apartment and try to keep it clean at all times.
Start socialising more. Not just with known friends. Sign up for a random hobby class like a book club or a running club where you can meet more people. Yes it’ll be difficult, yes you’ll have moments of awkwardness but don’t give up after just one meeting - go and meet new people to get used to the idea of interacting with strangers.
You can’t rush into feeling like an adult. It takes time. Exposure therapy is the best way to get into it. The more responsibility you can healthily shoulder, even if you fail at times, you’ll still start feeling more confident.
We weren’t born with the knowledge of car tire changing mechanics, insurance, cooking or tidying up. We had to learn them as we grew up. It’s perfectly alright to not know how to do something. The beauty of living in today’s world is that the answer to nearly every question is one google search away.
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Hi! first of all I love your writing! And I was wondering if you have done any drabbles on how the trio reacts to baby feeling down or having a bad day, I have tried looking but i’m very bad at that so I’m just gonna leave this here and hope you can let me know. And if you haven’t I was then wondering if I could submit a request for you to write something along the side of that? when you’re feeling more up to writing it of course!
(PS I haven’t been on here for a bit but I like to come on when i’m feeling down and life is kicking my ass like it is right now but I want you to know I love rereading SM and all the drabbles surrounding it, thank you for bringing us that comfort with your amazing writing even when people are being dicks for no reason❤️)
Hello my beautiful nonnie. Now I won't lie, this ask has caught my eye for so long that I've actually been bickering with myself, over what drabbles fit and what don't😂 So I'll go ahead and tag ones that are similar in a way and then add something under the cut to make sure you're 100% satisfied with my response, I hope that is okay!
So! The drabbles I'm tagging are *insert drum role here*
Who is the softest/kindest dom out of the trio? - a fluffy drabble that I hope makes you feel all fluffy and stuff
Aftercare! - A drabble showing how much the Trio! listen and care for you, especially with safe words.
Unknown/Known Scars - TRIGGER WARNING, please read the trigger warning my love before reading this one.
Coffee Shop & Baby Doesn't Get Enough Sleep - I tagged two in this ask, where Baby is overworked at school and the Trio! are always there to take care of her.
Some Cute Things - Just cute fluff 'cos we love cute fluff around here
And finally, my favourite one on this list - The Sick Fic - it's self explanatory but Baby gets poorly and our Trio! look after her!
Now I'm aware all of these come under the stressed title and not worrying title, which is why I'm gonna add to that under the cut. I hope I can do you justice with it, and I really hope you enjoy this reply.
Much love
Livvy
xoxo
Also trigger warning for this one. Just in case.
When life seems to be kicking your ass, when your brain turns on you and becomes incredibly mean, you push everyone away.
It's a coping mechanism learnt from childhood, one that you need to break, but you can't.
MJ knows it too.
Can see it when you come home and the light in your eyes just isn't there anymore.
It's like you become a shell.
You're there physically, but mentally your thoughts are spiralling.
And MJ, your fabulous best friend, knows that she doesn't have the skills to help.
No matter what she does, you just push her away and burrow until the bad days ease and pass like a wave.
So she calls backup.
Wanda, Natasha and Carol come as quick as they can.
Already on their way to you as you've even tried to push them away.
Even going as far to exit the different dm's you're in with them as the constant message vibrations/notifications grate on you to the point where your brain whispers: they don't need you anymore
MJ leaves when the Trio arrive.
Knowing to give you all space, but makes them promise to message when you're back so she can come home and give you a cuddle, as well as a slap.
When they try your bedroom door, it's locked.
It's the first battle.
Actually getting you to unlock it.
To let them in.
It takes time.
A long time.
For them to break through that first wall.
To convince you that they're here and not going anywhere anytime soon.
In fact, it takes almost an hour.
You sit on the other side of the door, back against it with your head burrowed in your arms.
Fingers clenched so tightly in your hair.
Fighting against your brain to believe them.
When you finally let them in, they don't rush inside your room.
They stay where they are.
Waiting.
For you.
For you to let them in.
And at first, it looks like your brain is going to win and you're going to shut the door on them and everything is going to go back to square 1.
But -
You nod.
A tiny, little nod.
And it's all the Trio! need to embrace you.
For you to vanish amongst three warm bodies.
That tell you how much they love you.
How much they adore you.
How they just want to keep you safe and happy.
You're their girl.
And they're not going anywhere.
Ever.
They tell you this as you cry.
As you scream at them to stop lying.
As you smack them over and over until you collapse in a heap and sob.
It doesn't stop them.
They're still there.
Proving to you, to your overthinking brain that they are not going anywhere.
When you're finally ready to talk, they listen.
Wanda cries.
Natasha nods along.
Carol chews the inside of her cheek.
And once you're done, they thank you for being so open about this side of you; the side you've tried to hide.
And they promise to you that: They. Are. Not. Leaving.
Ever.
They will remind you this when your brain is mean every time.
When you shut them out, they'll wait.
When you vanish, they'll find you.
When you try to push them away with all that you have, they won't move.
They'll stay and prove to you that it is you that they want.
You're their perfect girl.
Their darling submissive.
But most of all: you are theirs.
And they will make sure you never forget it.
You are theirs.
And they are yours.
Forever.
#natasha romanoff#wanda maximoff#carol danvers#sugar mommies#reader insert#spiderbites#sugar mommies!asks#natasha x wanda x carol x reader#smu#sugar mommies au#sugar mommies: world building#sugar mommies universe#sugar mommies drabble#sugar mommies suggestions
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So, I've decided to start learning biology.
My education left me with only primary school biology knowledge, because I had zero biology lessons in high school, and now I find myself sorely lacking in knowledge. Which is inconvenient, now that I'm sick and have no idea what to do. I didn't know where to start, but my roommate is in high school right now, and I borrowed her biology textbook to get myself started.
The biology textbook was so misinformed and outdated it made me worry for the education system. Not only they didn't update any info from the last 40 years, some of the info was completely wrong. For instance, it claims there's 6 billion people on the planet (there's 8), and that there's 6 empires of all living things (there's 8, and some of the old ones have been renamed and disputed). I learned quickly to fact-check every bit of information on wikipedia, and this is where I found some truly astounding info that I had no idea about.
If you all have learned this in highschool and it's common knowledge, please excuse me, but I am shocked.
One of the first topics the book covers is evolutionary history of the planet, and it explains how blue-green algae were the first historic plants to produce a lot of oxygen, which sounds like a positive development for us, because most of the living things right now thrive on oxygen. But, looking it up wikipedia uncovered that it was in fact, an extinction event. Most of life on earth was at that point, thriving in non-oxygen environment, and the introduction of oxygen killed 85% of all living species on earth. It was a huge disaster that happened! It's called 'Great Oxidation Event', or the 'Oxygen Catastrophe'.
But that's not all, I found out that it was not only that which destroyed almost all life on earth, but there's been 5 different events in the history that destroyed close to 80% of all species on the planet, and for some of them we don't even know why. We only found proof that lots of species disappeared at all times and the dominant species on the planet rapidly changed, but no idea why, for some of them it's assumed it has to do with volcanoes or ice, and of them that is well known is the meteor, that ended the big dinosaurs.
I never realized how much of evolution was destruction and then starting over, this was shocking to me. It was also fascinating, I found myself following links and learning more about extinction events, also that we're currently in the extinction event caused by humans who are driving lots of species into extinction by taking over their habitats, which made me sad.
At this point I started reading other, biology-related materials, for example, I read a book named 'What an Owl Knows', which is written by Jennifer Ackerman, an owl scientist who studied owls her entire life; now I know more about owls. I also started listening to an audio book about the ocean, and this one proved to be very difficult to follow, but I'll tell you what I learned from both.
The owl book was charming, I found out that owls are the most quiet, soundless birds when they fly, because their wings and feathers are the biggest part of their bodies. This is how they manage to swoop up prey without anyone hearing a single flap. They're also very silent and subtle. Unless you're studying owls, you won't be able to tell if the owl is startled, or scared, because she will sit very still and not give you any clues. Smaller owls can go into their 'freeze' response easily if they're being hunted, because their instinct is to be still and not move when in danger! It can make you feel like the owl is not scared, since she's not moving, but she is most likely not comfortable if anyone is approaching her.
Owls have similar faces to our faces, and they're very charismatic to us; this is why baby owls, and injured owls in human care, can sometimes imprint on humans. This is bad news for the owls, because once it happens, they can never again be released into the wild, they'll either never learn to hunt, or they'll act towards humans, like they do to other owls - brawling, attacking, aggressive, territorial. Even if they really like us, they will keep acting like we're other owl, not a different species. They see us similarly to how we see them.
One of the best information I've learned, is that in Serbia, there's the biggest gathering of owls of all species, there can be more than 300 owls in one place at the time. The reason for this is common use of old-fashined methods of harvesting grains, which leaves a lot of leftover corn and wheat on the ground, attracting mice, rats, and other small rodents, which creates a great food source for owls. Serbian farmers don't use rodenticide, so owls don't get poisoned. Owls so beloved and appreciated there, that they have an owl festival every year, and the whole month of november is called 'Sovember', because owl in serbian is 'sova'. I never knew about this, even though it's my neighbour country! I looked this up, and I found a website for the international owl festival, but I couldn't find any more info. I would appreciate it so much if any serbian followers could write me about this and tell me their experiences with it, I've never wanted to visit Serbia more!
The book contains information about owls used in Harry Potter movies, including the names of the owls, as well as discussing how the books made owls popular, and how it made people want them as pets. Owls do not make good pets, because they're predators and will destroy things and be very difficult to care for, but the book encourages readers to find the local owls and keep them safe, to leave old trees with holes in them standing, so the owls could nest in them, or to hang up baskets that can also be used as nests. It was a lovely, charming book and I recommend it to anyone who wants to know more about owls.
The ocean book is named 'How the Ocean Works', by Helen Czerski, and I haven't finished yet, but it opened up a lot of questions for me. The funniest part of it was the breakup of what people used to think about the ocean; apparently before research, people assumed that the sea is salty because it's been left in the sun for too long, and that's just what you get from sun exposure, they believed that deep down it was not salty anymore. They also believed that the sea water cannot go putrid if left standing. It took a scientist checking this to confirm it was not true; sea water did go putrid left in a bucket in the sun, and non-salty water did not turn salty when left in the sun for months. It was interesting to know that for the longest time, people didn't realize it was the salt in the sea that made it salty, I then wondered how they got salt, and it turns out they just got it from the salt mines, which are leftover from the long-dried up seas.
Now new information that I didn't know, was that the salinity is different between the oceans, the Atlantic is saltier than the rest. The book also explained about how the salt is connected to the currents, and to the movements of the sea, and also changes the density of the water. One thing that had me taken aback was that the ocean waves are not only caused by the wind, but the water is reacting to earth's rotation, and this rotation is constantly moving the water. It feels like the ocean is being pulled both by the earth and the moon, constantly being driven by planetary forces, which is interesting, because it's difficult to tell that just by looking.
The book calls ocean the 'blue machine', because it's always moving, and filled with energy. Sun is always warming up the surface, making it a great reservoir of solar energy, and the book goes on about how it's possible to harvest this energy, using hot water, and cold water, apparently there's already buildings being cooled down by the ocean power, but I never managed to figure out how! I tried looking it up, and also found nothing. I wish the book explained the physics of it, so that I could try it out, it's a great thing to be able to get power jut by using hot and cold water, and the water is already heated by the sun, while you can get cold water from the bottom of the sea.
I think I might understand this book better if I read it, rather than listening to the audiobook, which as you can see, just has me puzzled because I do not catch details. Still I wanted to share my new learnings, and ask if anyone can tell me more, or if this is all knowledge that people who had biology in high school already have. I'm having a great time learning, especially because I can just divert in any direction that has my interest, and I can seek out information that gives me useful, practical knowledge. Wish all learning processes could be free and inspired like this!
#biology#owls#ocean#evolution#extinction#learning biology#making up for lack of high school knowledge#information#resources#natural power#harvesting power from nature#ecology#international owl festival#serbia
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Summary: ice skating with Arthur
Requested?: it came from my own mind.
This thing with you and Arthur- it's relatively recent. About three months ago you officially got together, but you've known each other for years before that, just as friends, really. Either way, your relationship- perhaps because you've known each other for so long- has been growing deeper rapidly. Which means your relationship is now deep enough for the two of you to start having arguments. Well, more like silly little squabbles.
The most recent one was concerning Christmas. Arthur had this strange vision in his head that he couldn't let go of that just the absolute best way to celebrate his Christmas with you would be to go ice skating. The only explanation to this is that you can think of is that maybe your boyfriend has been watching a little bit too many overly cheesy American Hallmark movies. At first you thought, No way. Only divorced millennial women watch that crap. But then you thought, But at the same time, it's Arthur. Who knows what planted his strange Perfect Christmas Magic Movie Scene In France dream.
You fought him on it because, frankly, you've never skated before. You know you'll make a fool of yourself and possibly injure yourself. Not exactly what you want to spend your Christmas doing. And not exactly your idea of romantic. Not to mention how much you hate anything having to do with being outdoors when the weather is in the negatives.
But he was set on the idea, and when your boyfriend is set on an idea, as you've been learning, it's hard to convince him otherwise. And finally he had taken your hands, looked you deep in the eyes as if this were the most important thing in all of history, and asked gently, "But Y/n, why? Why don't you want to go? I mean, really. We can bundle up, I'll stick close- it won't be that cold..."
You frowned, looking away, refusing to admit the truth.
"Come on!" he had practically whined. "Just tell me the truth! Isn't that what couples are supposed to do?"
You sighed, fiddling with your fingers, before finally admitting, talking quickly, "Arthur I've never skated before in my life and I don't want to fall and make a fool of myself."
He blinked in slight surprise, but then smiled. "Oh... Why didn't you just tell me? It's fine- I'll make sure you don't fall. It'd be nice to be able to help you."
Your brow knitted together. "Nice to be able to help me?"
"Yeah. Because you hardly ever let me help you."
So in the end, basically, he convinced you. And now here you are, sitting on a freezing cold bench, holding out your legs as Arthur ties your new skates up, which he bought for you. They're a shiny, slick black color with a red stripe. You can't deny- they do look pretty sick.
The two of you get up and walk the few steps to the rink, arms linked. The wind is biting, and despite the Christmas music playing and the glowing fairy lights everywhere, to you it feels like quite a bleak winter night.
But one look at Arthur's big smile and rosy cheeks convinces you it's really not so bad.
Then you go out on the ice. Arthur holds both your hands in his, staring at you with sincere eyes. And with that goofy grin, of course.
And then he lets go of your hands, just like that!
"Arthur!" you shout, your nerves on the edges as you hobble. He tries to take your hands again, but you fall down, right on your butt. "Arthur!" you cry again, in annoyance. "I thought you said you wouldn't let me fall! Now I probably look like an idiot- someone here is bound to have caught that on video. I don't wanna look like a-"
"Hey, calm down," he says, bending down. You have a passing thought of how much balance and awareness of his body he must have to be able to bend down that naturally in skates on slippery ice without falling flat on his handsome face. "I'm sorry, okay? From now on, I won't let go of you unless you tell me to. And don't worry- there aren't many people around tonight. It's too cold for them."
"It's too cold for me, too," you whine as he helps you up off the hard ice. You reckon that will leave a bruise or two.
He gives a dumb pouting face. "Come on, Y/n. You'll warm up soon enough. Let me teach you how to skate."
"I don't trust you," you frown, and you'd cross your arms if you weren't holding onto Arthur's shoulders for dear life.
"You should!" he counters.
"You let me fall!"
"I said I wouldn't let you go again. And that I'm sorry. Do you think I'm not strong enough to make sure you don't fall?"
You don't answer, because obviously he is.
And then your long evening of learning begins. Time is hard to measure, so you're not sure how long it takes until Arthur asks you, "Do you think I can let go? You seem to have the hang of it..."
But in a moment of self-doubt, you shake your head no and murmur, "No... You can just hold onto me, Arthur."
And he honestly doesn't seem to mind this answer. He takes you out to the middle of the ice, though, and slowly, you skate together. He then twirls you, which causes you to scream, laugh, and cling onto him, scolding, "You could've warned me!"
"Well, did you fall?"
"No..."
"Was that fun?"
You grin softly. "Sure. Yeah."
"So there was no need to warn you!" And suddenly, he does it again.
Soon enough, though, you're back on the bench where you started, shivering, slipping back on your warm, fuzzy boots. "A-Arthur..." you whine, you teeth chattering and splitting up your speech, "I- It's fr-fr- eezing...! I'm so c-c-cooold."
He's silent for a few seconds, and when you look up at him, you see there's a frown on his face. He turns and meets your eyes, murmuring, "Y/n... I'm sorry..."
You blink in surprise. "For what?"
"I don't know..." He's sitting on the edge of the bench, shifting. "I know you didn't want to do this and probably the whole time you were just pretending you were having fun but really you weren't and I should've just listened to you when you said this wasn't your thing so-"
"Arthur." You cup his cheeks, making him look you in your eyes instead of down at the snow-covered ground. "I wouldn't fake it or lie to you. It was something I genuinely thought I would hate. But it ended up being so much fun because of you. I loved it when you taught me. I loved it when you held onto me. I loved it when you twirled me. I know I've been acting a little grumpy, but the truth is, I don't regret coming at all. I'm so glad you convinced me. Okay? Sure, I'm a little cold right now, but I'll live."
"Oh..." he nods, that lovely smile slowly coming back. "Well..." He wraps his arm around you, pulling you into him. He kisses your cheek, love, comfort, warmth channeling through his lips. "Maybe I can help keep you warm, huh?"
You smile out at the, truthfully, beautiful winter scene, and nod. "I think that would be just perfect, Arthur."
#f1blr#formula 1 fic#formula racing#ferrari#forza ferrari#scuderia ferrari#arthur leclerc#leclerc#arthur leclerc x reader#arthur leclerc imagine#f2#arthur leclerc x y/n#arthur leclerc fluff#arthur leclerc x you#al12#al12 x reader#arthur leclerc x female reader#al12 x you#al13 x y/n#arthur leclerc oneshot#arthur leclerc one shot#al12 oneshot#al12 one shot#al12 imagine#arthur leclerc imagines#christmas with... series#sports-on-sundays#arthur leclerc fanfic#arthur leclerc fan fiction#arthur leclerc fan fic
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Not Who You’re Supposed To Be (Yandere! Revolutionary Servant POV x Captured Princess Y/N)
They took the nobles. Every last one. Most had tried desperately to escape. To blend in with the commoners, or to off themselves with dignity. Some slipped through, but in three days' time, the most important figures had been rounded up like hogs.
Ready to be slaughtered.
Among the first was the 12th princess. The attackers that burst to her room noted how calm she appeared, sitting on her chair with her favorite wine in hand. She'd given them a smile and told them they did a good job.
She was sent to the dungeons with the rest of her family.
Saber knew he shouldn't face her. What was done was done. She had served her purpose as his master, and now, he was free from her command. He was free.
And yet, he grimaced every time he passed the heavily guarded chambers to the underground. They beckoned him.
Only a day was left until the executions. They would be public and humiliating. The best show the country would ever get. And she would be a part of it.
He knew going down would be a mistake. He knew, as much as he denied it, that he'd regret it. That seeing her look at him after his betrayal... would be able to break him.
And still, that night, he ventured.
He used the guards' blindspots. This was a... private affair. He didn't want to explain this to the others. The dungeons creaked and wails prevailed. Heavy doors kept him from seeing their faces. But he had already memorized everyone's place, so he skipped to the end of a row. When he reached her cell, he was surprised by its stillness. Knowing her, she would have been one of the wailers. Her pampered lifestyle meant she'd get aches from the floor of her cell.
A thought targeted him, fast and quick.
What if she's sick? Already dead?
He fumbled with the lock, his initial fear was replaced with the anxiety to check. A swing of the door later, and his terror vanished.
She was standing, facing the outside on the small barred gutter with her head resting in her arms. She hummed as the door closed.
"Is that my little shadow?" She turned to look at him. She had expected him.
Knowing this made him feel conflicted.
Why wasn't she crying? Why did she look... content?
She wasn't being herself.
"You did it." She grinned. "You succeeded. I'm so proud of you!"
She came at him fast. He braced himself. Punches. Thrashing. A slap. Something would make contact, surely this would be her petty litte revenge but-
No.
An embrace.
It felt the same as others she had given him.
She hugged him completely, wholeheartedly nestled into his chest.
And she repeated herself.
"I'm so proud!"
He hated this outcome.
He pushed her. She stumbled but didn't fall.
"You... knew?"
"Of course!"
"How??"
She laughed. It was genuine and hearty, with a snort at the end.
"Saber... I've always known."
What the hell was she talking about.
"I... need you to explain."
She nodded. An explanation of everything was owed. A long one. She theatrically sat in the only bench available, and smoothed her dress.
"I am not a good person, Saber. You of all people know well my wickedness." She held a cheek with a hand. "I knew of the people suffering. I knew that I had the power to stop some of it. But... well, I'm lazy, Saber. I'm lazy and... It was easier not to. To believe that as the least favorite, I couldn't do a thing.... So I'd planned on living life quietly, sending prayers for the poor.
But then they gave me you."
She gazed at him. Met his eyes. They were warm and deep and welcoming. The same eyes as the day he had met her.
"You hated me. You hated everything about us, of course, but serving me especially... you directed it towards this foolish, stubborn princess. And you know what? I found you so admirable for that! You were a person who would change the world! And you'd make it so much better for everyone! So strong, so committed, so intelligent! Oh Saber! You're wonderful!"
Her grin brought him back to annoyance. There was an expression he finally recognized. The one he always felt was patronizing... but... perhaps it had never been. Her words...
Wait-
"So you knew about my plan to betray you? Did you recognize then... my disguise- those nights!"
His cheeks burned. The princess was hysterical.
"Saaabeeer, I knew, I knew! And I liked it. I always loved your touch, Saber. I was so happy too. You saved me from the anxiety of parties and people that I hate... I treasured those moments filled with passion..."
Both cheeks were in her hands now. Saber felt the need to explain himself.
"Those weren't supposed to happen... I had lost myself in the alcohol! I wouldn't have-"
"Oh. I know Saber. It's okay!" Her reassurance quieted him. "Your spite never went away. I'd never delude myself into thinking otherwise! You had a goal. It was just... the wine."
There was a pause. He couldn't look her in the eye.
The alcohol. He'd never drunk any, and... if she had known it was him, she may have been sober enough to know that too. But she was going along for him. He felt ashamed.
"I'm just a dumb princess."
He looked back up.
"I knew that's all I would be. But if I could help you... I thought, at least that'd be good for you. So, I played my part. I never paid attention in my classes. I let you do my homework for me. I made you memorize the secret passageways for dumb errands.... I blabbed about all the gossip I could gather at those stupid parties. And everything fell into place."
She shook a bit. He almost took a step towards her. He was getting distracted. Pieces were falling into place...
"You never once disappointed me. Or the people. You're a hero, Saber! You'll be legendary."
She got back up. He took a better look at her now. Her unkept hair. Her dress had torn and become dirty from sweeping the floor. Her eyes showed her lack of sleep, and the moon made her skin deathly.
But she was still the girl chained to him. She was still the girl with eyes that were glued to him, never out of malice but always out of love.
She had loved him.
She still loved him.
"Princess..."
"When will I be killed?"
His blood ran cold. Reality came flooding back..
"I heard the guards talking about an execution. But I never got the date... and it's been..." She looked to the wall. Three little notches had been made.
"Three days. When will the day be? How much longer will I have to stay here?"
Saber was back to feeling lost.
"I... I don't know."
He lied.
It would be tomorrow.
The princess crossed her arms. She blew out a breath like she always does when she's annoyed.
"Well, I hope it's soon. And I hope you can be the one to do it."
"Me?"
His voice almost cracked. Now she looked stunned.
"Of course you, you jerk! Don't tell me you weren't planning on doing me in yourself! With those eyes? With that built up grudge? I won't have it any other way! It has to be you!"
She got right up to his face. The usually warm eyes were cold. This was a demand. He hated when she did this.
But his usual defiance couldn't be mustered now for some reason...
He couldn't find any bite at all.
He felt his shoulders slump.
Killing her...
"Why are you so okay with this? Why did you let this happen?"
The flame of anger was welling up inside again.
"You could have stopped me. You could have- helped me! If I had known-"
She laughed again. "What do you mean? You hated me! You still hate me! Telling you I'm helping you would've only made you despise me more. Or it'd make you seem unreliable to the others on your side. We nobles are the enemy. Why would they trust in me?"
She shrugged.
"Theres no use in thinking about what could have been. What's done is done."
What's done is done.
"My fate would have been the same. For a better tomorrow with no future royal blood, we will all need to be killed."
No mercy was their rule.
Saber recalled the plan. The guillotine. The space made for the heads and bodies, each to be separated. And to be paraded around.
He couldn't help himself from reaching for her. Softly, he touched her neck.
"So, a beheading?" She had guessed.
It dawned on him how clever she actually was.
He had never noticed.
"Well," Her hand brushed over his. She held it firmly there and was back to meeting his eyes. "I'm glad you came to visit. And I hope you're getting everything you ever wanted."
How can she say such things without an ounce of malice?
He left her cell with her words in his heart. What is it that he wants? The moon was still high. The execution would be in the morning. Her place in line would be near the middle, with the lesser nobles.
She'd be surrounded by the people that mocked her. To die with those she hated.
The hand that touched her neck burned.
He could kill her now.
Surely that'd be preferable?
He imagined it. Squeezing her neck. Watching her eyes bulge. No longer would they smile.
He wanted to cut off his hand.
He can't.
He needed another plan.
He made his way to the servant quarters.
Tonight, he would be a villain.
~
(Doodles of this story found here!)
#yandere#medieval#medieval fantasy#yandere servant#yandere butler#yandere x reader#yandere revolutionary#revolution#yandere male#male yandere#betrayal#angst#forbidden romance#forbidden relationship#villain yandere#yandere villain#an old writing i had forgotten about :V#male yandere x reader#saber#not Who you're supposed to be#nwystb#fear blurbs
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demon copperhead, pt. 2.
dialogue prompts from demon copperhead by barbara kingsolver.
i was born to wish for more than i can have.
there's a shoe out there for every foot.
it's important to leave home and take a look around.
i could be very rich if i decide to extort.
i wonder how it would feel to like who you are.
old homecoming queens never die.
who died and left you boss?
sorry to say your secret is out.
i'm gonna see bad spray tans in my nightmares.
nobody rides you like you ride yourself.
i used to think i knew what hurt was.
i don't like owing anybody.
i didn't fully believe you'd come.
i've got a surprise for you later.
does some law say we all turn into our parents?
half of me is sorry. the other half isn't.
don't look for money to buy your life back.
before we were us, we weren't anything.
you look like a plaid pillow.
i thought i knew it all, in those days.
people find more ways to shut up their monsters than a bible has verses.
let's go steal a tree.
the tall weed gets cut.
a kid in my shoes takes what power they can find.
the moon went to bed already, so what's wrong with us?
i'm a horrible person. the sooner you realize that, the better off you'll be.
you're too good for me. i don't deserve you.
it wasn't a secret, i just knew you wouldn't like it.
you use what you've got.
my stomach feels like i've been eating rusty nails.
some good's been known to come out of bad luck, if you face it head on.
where is the motherfucking compassion?
this is still your home, if you want to stay.
the adult in my life is me.
you look like you've seen the dead.
we were kids playing house.
come hang out any time. i could stand the company.
you have to quit being so nice to people.
i'm not one to shut any doors.
i cannot get the hang of living alone.
you should be as mad as i am.
do you want to sleep tonight, or do you want the truth?
they did this to us. you understand that, right?
of all the good people i know, you're probably the best one.
everybody needs to dump on somebody.
i've lived long enough to know that shit doesn't really bounce off.
kids aren't the problem. it's parents.
the only person you need to worry about is yourself.
i have my own honor.
part of being a mature person is knowing your skillset.
another week, another shitshow.
feel free to have a look around.
the support has to run both ways.
good people don't give up on the ones they love.
i've stayed alive so far by staying on my own feet.
i need you to wake up. sit up. we have to talk.
i love you. i would never, ever want to hurt you.
i want to draw your hands.
it's sunday. everyone's either in church or sleeping off their sins.
i want to kill you, but i'm not going to let you die.
are you testing me? or do you really not know?
if wishes were horses, we'd all have different shit to shovel.
a fallen hero shatters into more sharp pieces than you'd believe.
i thought i'd be better off without the fear.
there'll be no getting over this.
a selfish heart will keep you alive, at least.
a snake with venom is gonna bite.
going nowhere fast is a kind of juice.
trust the road, because nobody stays.
in the long run you're on the road with your ghosts. you're the ship, they're the bottle.
rehab is like being married to sickness in a lot of ways, really.
a good story doesn't just copy life, it pushes back on it.
you never were one to fall only halfway down the well, were you?
i let you go. it's what i had to do.
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Given that you’re a fan of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, do you have any ideas for a song/songs that would fit any character/s?
OH BOY! Absolutely! :D Here's a few;
"You Stupid Bitch" is obviously a perfect Slugpelt song; that kind of self-deprecation, especially the kind of sardonic hatred that it personifies. With the lyrics about Josh I can also imagine it taking place directly post-Cashew abandoning her.
"You ruined everything
You stupid bitch
You ruined everything
You stupid, stupid bitch"
"Yes, Josh completes me, but how can that be
When there's no me left to complete"
youtube
Hilariously, I can kinda imagine "After Everything I've Done For You" as a Ranger to Rainhaze song? Although not all of the lyrics fit I really like the tone of Ranger singing 'how dare you be so ungrateful, for me ruining your life'. It'd also pretty Dustfeather pretty well.
"After everything I've done for you
(That I didn't ask for)
Do you have any idea
The work you're undoing?"
"What's that look on your face?
You're horrified
You think I'm a monster
For doing your dirty work
You think love is stainless and pure
But beneath all the fantasy
There's filth and there's gore"
youtube
And then as a complete joke how about "Let's Have Intercourse" with Deepdark. What a charmer! He's so early-season Nathanielcore.
I'm not adding lyrics... just listen to the song.
youtube
Yes, The Nowhere King is already on the PATFW playlist!
I do appreciate a good FNAF song, especially since Pizzaria is my second favorite game. (SL is first.) Hm, this one is interesting! I can see it fitting Rainhaze pretty well...
"It's a bright new day, and it's your time to shine
Time to take your career into your own hands
Spend all your money and the stars, they will align"
"Wait, I hear voices on every side
And I wonder where
And I wonder why
Where do they hide?"
"I'm sorry, you've been misinformed
This is just a never-ending labyrinth and nothing more
Endless circles of fear
Chasing cries of children that seem so near
Out of reach, you will never find them
Don't you see? This is where your story ends"
youtube
I can see it!
"Can't pick them out
Can't press them in
I'll never hide my scars"
"One unsheathed knife must glint
In an alternate timeline's light
One rust-ridden blade juts out
Of a friendly moonstruck shape" <- I love this turn of phrase
youtube
We got a sleep motif reference boys! Pack it in!
youtube
Oh yeah! I've seen this song used for good PMVs before. I like this kind of music with Rainhaze, too; that stomp-clamp indie kind of sound.
"If they find the body in the basement
In the very house that she was raised in" <- ohh......
"So when we get the sign
From God I'll be the first to call them
I'm taking back the number of the beast"
"Should I choose a noble occupation?
If I did I'd only show up late and sick
And they would stare at me with hatred"
youtube
Oh gosh yeah I do remember being a little confused by that ask. So ominous! But I agree, it's fitting for him.
"I roam these halls, search the night
In hopes that I may see
A remnant trace, a glimpse of you"
"There and then, I should have known
It was me all along
Nevermore to leave here
Nevermore to leave here
My love is the killing kind"
youtube
Rainhaze has this wonderful effect on people's brains where instead of Thoughts there is Rainhaze. Definitely adding "Her Sinking Sun" to the playlist.
"Torn apart from everyone
Her sinking sun
I watch it die"
"Animals begging to eat
They can't survive
Not meant to be"
"Flowers of skin and bone
We're all alone
Waiting to die"
"Water rushes through my heart
It's torn apart
By yr trusting eyes"
youtube
youtube
That's a cute idea, I like it! Well, not cute all the way, but you know what I mean. Or in another way... Pinepaw looking for Asphodelpaw after she disappears. A shorter timeline, but maybe more accurate to the song.
"Have you seen my sister, Evelyn?
Dang, she's gone and wandered off again!
I've been lookin' high and low
Where oh where'd my sister go?"
"Is she studyin' Kabala? Did she win a million dollars?
Or is she dead in a ditch somewhere?"
Boooo I ran out of links fuck you tumblr
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Hi, just a little reminder to everyone who has attempted to message me or talk to me, and didn't get a reply or didn't get a reply they wanted.
I often have people messaging me expecting instant friendship and emotional support and talking to me as if we already knew each other. I don't think this is done with ill intent, but I do want to gently remind everyone that we are complete strangers when interacting online, and that I cannot grant anyone instant friendship; to me you are a person I don't know. I will talk to you as a stranger would. Even if you've been reading my words and taking solace and imagining a friend telling them to you, to me you are someone I've never met or known, and I cannot function as an emotional support on a personal level to strangers. It ultimately is not helpful for you to convince yourself that a stranger on the internet is your personal friend, or to push that stranger into trying to act the part; I am unable to fulfill this role. I am not emotionally well myself, and I do not have a support system, so being put in a situation where I'm expected to be one for a stranger feels unhealthy.
Another thing I'd love for everyone to remember is, that I don't have all of the answers. I love to help where I can, but ultimately I am a person in a lot of distress, trying to deal with multiple disorders without any access to therapy or even friends who understand what I'm going thru. I am isolated and posting on this blog is often all I have. If I knew how to get rid of trauma, how to deal with disorders, how to not be sick or in pain, how to evade abuse or how to feel okay, I would use this advice to fix my own life. But I am sadly, lost like the rest of us.
There are times where I am in too much distress to talk to anyone, if you sent me a message and it went unanswered, it is very likely that I was in a state so bad I could not communicate. I will usually recover from it within several weeks, but by that time I feel bad even reminding someone they've sent me a message, it feels asinine to try and reply so late. And it reminds me of the period where I felt bad looking at the message, unable to respond. I'm not ignoring messages on purpose. If you try again some time later, you're likely to get a reply, if I'm in a good state of mind.
However, if you send me a big number of messages at once, start talking about your issues without asking if it's okay first, send several messages without a reply and then keep sending them and demanding a reply, put pressure on me to communicate with you, try to guilt me into giving you an answer you want, or assuming I'm maliciously ignoring you, you've made me uncomfortable and I have to listen to my instincts and stop talking to you.
I am sensitive to anger, aggression, ranting, swearing, slur-use, and doing that in a conversation with me it will make me feel threatened. Because we're strangers, and any stranger acting like I'm an acceptable target to take their anger at is dangerous. We are not friends, and dealing with angry strangers is terrifying. In that situation I have to do what I would advise anyone else to do - leave the conversation.
The last issue is with people attempting to trigger me on purpose, pretending they need help then defending abusers, trying to convince me that all of my resources are harmful and doing nothing but damage, or trying to get me to delete my content, change my posts, advocating for abusers, siding with my abusers, telling me I'm a monster, insisting they're victimized by me unless I personally disprove my smear campaign to them, and generally trying to get me to lash out in order to post it online to claim I should be cancelled. That is the worst thing you could be doing to a traumatized abuse victim. I am a person, of course I sometimes say something wrong and not well thought and put out. That doesn't mean anything I ever do to help others is worthless and should be erased. And you will not convince me that my blog is useless or harmful. It helps me. And I am someone too.
#furiousgoldfish#why messaging me will sometimes have bad results#parasocial relationships#communicating with strangers forgetting they're strangers#i am scared of strangers online it is scary to be interacting with others#especially when trying to help you end up getting hurt and you just don't understand why it got so bad#that happens so often#and i have to be wary and have boundaries#and escape whenever i feel uncomfortable#even if it means someone will feel slightly bad#i don't have to bend my life so nobody ever feels slightly bad because of me#i need to feel safe#and i generally feel bad because of people who don't care how they're making me feel#because i only exist to get their needs met in their head#but i exist for me
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