#seeing you both is my emotional stability
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Arrows and Ashes | 4
An epilogue in which you see your family again.
WC: 2.5k
Warnings: Grief, healing, many tears and emotions
a/n: If you would like notifications for my writing, you can turn on notifications for the blog @assassinslibrary where I reblog all my fics!
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3
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Azriel's hand was tight in your own as he shut his bedroom door behind the two of you.
You both had been holed up in the space for the past week, and you wished you could blame that solely on the mating bond now solidified in your chest. Half of the reason, though, was the anxiety you felt at facing your friends. None of them had seen you since you had lost your wings, and the last memory you had of them was their presence surrounding the bloody table you laid on as you fought for consciousness.
It wasn't a reassuring one.
Despite knowing the care they had for you, the situation surrounding your absence had you feeling fragile and uncomfortable. You had, quite literally, lost part of yourself. You weren't ready for the pity, the looks, the overall memories that would surface because of it.
But Azriel had been insistent that your family wanted to see you. He had reassured you that he would send them away in an instant if you wished, and that the two of you could stay in the bedroom for another month for all he cared.
But you missed them. Even if you were nervous, even if the thought of facing Cassian and Rhys had you feeling insecure and unnerved.
Cassian. One of your closest friends and, up until this moment, someone you had always felt the most comfortable and safe around. But remembering the last time you had seen him was when your wings were being sawed from your back made your fingers tighten around Azriel's.
His shadows glided you along smoothly, stabilizing your weight as you walked in your new body. They had done this since you had awoken last week, and while a part of you was grateful, another part was embarrassed and depressed. The beautiful wisps of darkness were just reminders of what you had lost.
And while the mating bond snapping for Azriel had been great, supplying you with a week full of love and admiration from the Shadowsinger, it had only put a temporary bandaid on your grief.
Azriel stopped outside of the room, his fingers lightly brushing a piece of hair behind your ear and dragging your attention back to him.
"It's just Cassian," he spoke gently.
Just Cassian. The male who teased you while training. Who brought you teas and trinkets from his trips across borders. Who threatened anyone bothering you.
It was Cassian.
You nodded, taking a deep breath. Azriel walked the remainder of the path into the room, his fingers caressing your own reassuringly, and then you were there.
Cassian immediately stood from his seat on the couch, where he was nervously fiddling with his hands. His hazel eyes bore into your own, and you watched as he swallowed harshly, emotion already starting to seep into his features.
"Daisy--" he rasped, cutting off the emotional tone with a cough.
The name sent chills down your spine, your mind ringing with his words within that cellar.
I’m sorry, Daisy.
The first hack of a sword. The sound and smell of retching.
Azriel's grip tightened on you, and you blinked away the memories. Cassian remained still, his body language cautious and anxious as you controlled your breathing and thoughts.
"It's good to see you."
His voice was a near whisper in the silent space. As if he was afraid to break the peace, to break you. He stayed completely still and quiet, eyes tracking your every movement.
Both males noted your silence, and Azriel was quick to try to ease the tension coursing through your body. "Cassian, why don't you tell Daisy what you've been up to?"
"Right!" The warrior exclaimed, causing you to jump at the sudden increase in volume. "I got you something."
Your brows scrunched in confusion as he jogged from the room with excitement. Your questioning look to Azriel remained unanswered, however, other than a small smile that told you to be patient.
When Cassian returned, it was with a ringing sound similar to a bell, and a large grin plastered on his face.
"Cassian, what--"
Your words were cut off when you saw what he was holding, what was making that sound.
It was a collar hanging from the scruffy neck of a sweet gray cat. But not any sweet gray cat; it was Bix, the stray you had been visiting at the coffee shop in Velaris.
You reached a shaking hand out toward the little thing, his ear twitching in curiosity. When your fingers brushed his soft coat, you smiled, scratching around his ear and chin. A wet laugh escaped your throat at the sight of large Illyrian hands holding this small creature, and the observation brought your eyes back to the male holding the cat.
Cassian's eyes were hopeful. For what, you weren't sure, but you gave him a smile before looking at the cat again. "Can I hold him?"
"Hold him? Of course, he's yours."
"Mine?" You nearly gasped. "What about the coffee shop? I thought Azriel had said he lives under the porch when I was . . ."
Cassian paled. It was as if the Illyrian could experience the same memories floating across your mind. Azriel begging for you to stay awake, the mention of the cat, blood running from the table and dripping onto the wooden floor, the smell of copper and burnt flesh, the trembling of your body as shock began to set in.
"He did," Azriel interrupted both of your thoughts. "Cassian had the great idea of us giving him a proper home."
You stepped forward, stumbling slightly under the newfound weight of your body before Azriel's shadows straightened you. Trembling hands reached for the gray cat, gently stroking one of his ears again before fingers closed around the animal, moving him from Cassian's arms to your own. Cassian did not move an inch. In fact, it almost seemed like the male was holding his breath.
"He is going to live here with us?"
Cassian coughed into his fist, shifting on his feet. "Yes he will, and I can't wait to see Rhys's reaction."
"Rhys," purred a voice at the door, "would have liked to been made aware of this gift before he spent hours trying to find that damn cat."
Cassian choked out a laugh, and only Azriel noticed when the sudden presence made you jump. His steady palm came to rest on your lower back, thumb stroking gently over the fabric of your shirt. A surge of calmness flowed down the bond.
It was just Rhys.
The noise Cassian let out was one of joy, not one of panic or sorrow. Nothing like the noises he let out in that cell.
You turned toward Rhys as he walked further into the room. His movements were slow and casual, despite the deep attention he focused on you with his eyes.
His lips quirked up. "It's good to see you out and about."
You nodded, unsure of what to respond. Was he looking at your lack of wings? Was it odd that no one had mentioned what had happened?
Observing the High Lord, though, made you aware of a silent conversation going on. Once his eyes were back in focus, his smile widened.
"I have someone who would like to see you if you could come with me for a moment."
You nodded, setting the cat on the floor. Bix hugged at your legs before slowly strutting over to Cassian and taking a seat by his feet.
You watched before taking Rhysand's outstretched hand. He did not comment on your need for assistance, but the shadows surrounding you were proof enough. You swallowed deeply as his gentle hand engulfed your own.
Then you were moving toward the balcony, and through the glass doors you could see Feyre, a beautiful smile on her face as she knelt next to a little boy with wings. When her blue-gray eyes met your own, you saw her lift a hand to point toward you, the child looking up with excitement.
The two-year-old walked better than you could at the moment, but his own wobbles brought you a bit of comfort.
"Hi, Nyx."
You bent down as you stepped onto the balcony, the cool night air sending shivers down your spine. Then Nyx was taking his time, moving with precision toward your outstretched arms.
"How are you doing?" You heard behind you, coming from the area you had just occupied. Azriel, asking Cassian.
"Fine," Cassian stated. Blunt and to-the-point.
"You don't look fine."
"I'm fine."
His tone was angry, and you flinched a bit at the sound. You had never heard Cassian speak like that to one of your own.
"You haven't been sleeping," Azriel observed.
Rhys was hugging his wife on the other side of the balcony by the time Nyx made it into your arms. And while you were excited to see the tot, your ears were still focused on the voices drifting over the threshold of the balcony despite their whispers.
"What do you want me to say Azriel? That I'm struggling?"
"Yes."
There was silence, and you swallowed, trying to smile for the baby in your lap.
"If I'm struggling--if I can't even close my eyes at night without seeing the memory Rhys had shared from you, then I don't expect you're much better."
Another pause. And then, "I don't want your pity, Azriel. I'm fine. Nothing happened to me."
"He's happy to see you," Feyre's kind voice broke your focus on the two Illyrians.
You smiled. "I'm happy to see him too. He's growing so much, his wings are going to be the size of Rhysand's soon enough."
Rhysand's fingers twitched at his side, his eyes going to your empty shoulders for a moment before he reached for his mate. For comfort? For stability? You weren't sure.
"I don't blame you and neither does she. Stop punishing yourself for something you had no control over."
"How can you say that when I was directly told that if I answered the question, she would be spared?"
"They would have done it anyway--"
"You don't know that."
"And what would you have done? Risk Nyx?"
"Isn't that what you would have wanted? She's your mate, Azriel, I'm not dense."
The skin over your shoulder blades stung and itched despite being healed. The thick scar rubbed across the fabric resting on your back, and you wanted to cringe in on yourself.
"She wouldn't have wanted you to risk him."
"I know. But I also know that I can't get her screams out of my head. Or the sound of her wings falling to the floor. I feel absolutely worthless every time I feel the weight of my own wings against my back. How am I supposed to ever make it up to her? How will she ever trust me again after this? I was there when they ripped them from her back and I chose to do nothing."
A weight had settled in your chest at his words. At the intensity of them, and you couldn't help but interrupt Feyre's and Rhysand's whispered conversation by handing the babe back over to them.
"I'm feeling pretty tired still. I haven't been sleeping well, so I'm going to go lay back down. Thank you for letting me see him."
Rhys looked disappointed at the short reunion, but Feyre just gave you a small nod. "Of course. Come visit him anytime."
You forced a smile before turning on your heel and walking slowly back inside. The warmth of the fireplace immediately made you feel a bit better, but the abrupt stop of conversation had you looking between the two males.
Cassian's eyes were red-rimmed and his fists clenched at his sides.
But as soon as his hazel eyes met your own, his jaw clenched, and you watched as the green brown shade blurred with tears, becoming glassy.
“Cassian . . .”
He had to look away. His hand came up his mouth, and he turned his body away from you. But you could hear the intake of breath. The wet sound of tears. The quietest sob in existence.
Azriel stood still, only watched his brother fall apart. His eyes were guarded, and you wondered if he was waiting for you, too, to break like this at any moment.
You had nightmares. All week, the memories of what had happened to you kept you tossing and turning, bolting awake with a scream of fear and pain. But you hadn’t talked much about the incident. You had barely cried, only letting the tears fall silently once Azriel was asleep.
Soon, you would break like the Illyrian before you. But maybe that was okay. As such a strong soldier tried to hold it together in front of you, it made your own emotions feel a little less weak.
And instead of blaming him, instead of feeling betrayed or hurt or not protected by the male in front of you, you felt a connection. A bond that had been formed through trauma. A bond that could never be broken because only you two had been through that shared experience.
Your feet were moving before you could think.
Cassian's back was still facing you, but you just walked up behind him and wrapped your arms around his tense from. The rigid muscles quaked with silent tears. You just held him tighter.
Azriel watched quietly--nearly solemnly.
And your own tears didn't come until you heard Cassian croak out a hoarse "I'm so sorry."
You shook your head against his back, a wet stain beginning to form on his shirt.
"Thank you, Cassian. Thank you for being there with me."
Suddenly he was turning, his large frame wrapping you up. He buried his face in your shoulder, bending down enough to do so, and you two held one another, sharing your tears, your sorrow, your grief over what both of you had lost that day.
Love was singing down your bond with Azriel, and you met his eyes over Cassian's frame. His own eyes were glistening with unshed tears, but they weren't only tears of sorrow. Azriel's entire being radiated love and pride. You felt it in his stare, in the emotions he projected toward you.
He lifted his chin, a sweet smile playing on his lips, and he gave you a nod.
You might have a nightmare tonight. You might have nightmares for months. You might need help from Azriel until you got used to being without wings. You might mourn every time your family took to the sky without you.
You had rough days ahead.
But you also had good ones.
Tightening your hold on Cassian, you gave Azriel a nod back before resting your head on Cassian's strong body and allowing him to comfort you back.
#acotar x reader#azriel x reader#acotar fic#azriel angst#azriel x you#azriel fluff#cassian x reader#azriel fic
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I've been reading people's interpretations of this scene, and while I agree with the substance of the take that "Laios is quite isolated and his party often don't understand him", it's not the reading I get from this scene in either the manga or the anime.
So let's review the board, spoilers for episode 18 of the anime, obviously
Senshi's Laios: very cute, a reflection of his standards of masculinity. Possibly influenced by him being older, by Dwarven ageing, and the fact Laios is clean shaven. He projects similar notions on Chilchuck, and other biases onto Marcille. I feel this can mostly be chalked up to how brief his time with the party currently has been (1-2 weeks).
Chilchuck's Laios: Dangerous, unreasonable, unhinged, and coloured by his long time experience of Laios.
At this point in the story Chil's perception of Laios has changed rapidly due to both the reveal of his monster obsession (back in episode 1, previously suppressed) and the confrontation with Shuro, among other things. As seen in episode 13, he think's Laios is going to suicidally chase Falin to his death. He also thinks his monster obsession is a sign of a disturbed mind (not a suprise given his own experiences of the dungeon).
Marcille's Laios: Quite the opposite of Senshi, Laios' masculinity is exaggerated, which does reflect her Elf beauty standards (male and female Elves are often similarly feminine ).
Specifically for Marcille, she was told Laios looked a lot like Falin, and before meeting him, her opinion of him was really low (see the Falin makeup extras and her retelling the story of being alone after Laios left home, to Marcille).
Now, I've hated people in my lifetime, there's an inclination to be more critical of them than you would other people. Marcille didn't like the comparisons between the two siblings, and so fixated on their differences.
For review, here is there first meeting:
Marcille came for a fight, clearly her letters didn't tell Falin the whole story. She HATED Laios in this scene. Everything in the three years after was clawing back from this mess.
Look at Laios, not a button a stubble, and neither person got any short or taller in the intervening years. When she gets irate over people saying Falin and Laios look similar, it's because of that mental image broadcasted by the Shapeshifter. That's how she sees him in her mind, the man who took Falin away from her, who made Falin unhappy, and who others have the gall to compare to her dearest friend Falin.
Conclusion: Laios and Falin, their emotional and social alienation, and how they each influence others like Marcille and Kabru; these things are central to the story, and to Laios as a protagonist. The last thing I want it people thinking I'm dismissing that.
But at this point in the story, focusing on that narrative, it's proverbially putting the cart in front of the horse. Structurally, this encounter is a review of party stability moving forward. The previous battle with Chimera Falin put everyone on edge, made them uncertain of their future, and distrustful of Laios.
Laios came out of his fight with Shuro (Toshiro) appearing unobservant to people's appearances and feelings. Marcille and Chilchuck recognise Kabru and Laios didn't. They're suspicious of his abilities. Laios, in turn, knows he has the chance to win them back, knows he fucked up with Shuro (Toshiro) and ruined their friendship.
This encounter is about Laios' shortcomings, reflective of his neurodivergence, the doubts of his party, and how Laios uses his strengths to compensate, and even solve problems his party members can't. Ultimately, this chapter is saying, Laios is different, but he is not lesser, and in a battle against monsters he excels.
The others can point out differences in clothing and speech easily, but those were the tools the shape shifter easily used against them. Laios succeeds precisely because he's focusing on the things others don't pick up on.
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Au where Damian is closer in age to Tim and joins the batfam after Jason dies
bruce has to make himself functional with a new kid dropped in his lap and then has to cut back on the violent outbursts because Damian WILL take it as permission to kill and they're trying to teach him not to do that
tim keeps his stalker tendencies and grows to like Damian's robin just as much as Dick and Jason's, even if this new robin is a bit stabby around the edges
damian is the first robin to notice Tim tho and confronts him on his own without telling Bruce
timmy is like heyyy don't stab me I swear I wouldn't endanger the bats ever & also I can maybe give you info I find sneaking around & also hey wouldn't it be cool to have a secret from bats? You could have your own personal informant wouldn't that be so cool you could impress Batman and everything
dami: fine but you don't have any more secrets right
tim, knows their secret identities: and I said no, y'know, like a liar
so they make a truce that turns into a friendship that turns into Damian hiding the fact that he has adopted a brother, shut up Batman you picked up random children from the street so can damian
bruce and dick: wow it's so nice that Damian has started listening to us about not killing or using excessive violence on people. We're glad he understands now
Damian, who got a 72 slide PowerPoint lecture from Tim about the practicality of not killing as a vigilante in Gotham: yes, that is what happened. I have accepted your perspectives on morality. No other reason
tim’s powerpoint has a lot of graphs and venn diagrams measuring different kinds of criminal activity vs public cooperation vs batman's violence levels vs police cooperation vs rogue activity. The gotham ecosystem is delicate
when jason comes back tim throws a fit because he has to REMAKE his powerpoint and all the graphs to add red hood’s vigilante-slash-rogue effect
Tim at some point: batman is fragile if you kill people it will make his traumatized brain explode
Dami: trauma?
Tim: y'know from martha and thomas being murdered in front of him
Damian, eyes narrowed:
Tim: I mean… that's just a game theory?
but just like generally Tim and Damian being each other's support systems
they bond over having parents who are absent?? Like, damian missing his mom and tim immediately empathizing on how its hard when you love someone who is away a lot or for a long time
they talk about missing them and damian is able to open up about feeling out of place and how difficult it is to adjust or know how he's supposed to act
#damian wayne#tim drake#batfam#batman#talia: lets play musical children. I will take jason and you can take damian#If talia knew about jason’s plans for revenge she probably would make damn sure that jason wasnt about to touch her boy#BUT assuming he somehow got that past her#tim would be SO salty about it.#jason: wait I’M your hero? Tim: well not after you tried to FUCKING KILL damian#jason:#tim: but yes you WERE my hero. damian said you guys were cool tho so i GUESS youre okay. For now.#damian mentions hes from an assassin cult and tim just like freeze frame hold up rewind a bit there /huh?????/#tim trying to like. Support damian in detoxing from the cult stuff#and says really unsubtle stuff about how SOME PEOPLE grow up in environments that teach things that aren't always good for the person.#And this RANDOM PERSON WITH NO SPECIFIC EXAMPLE have difficulty adjusting to normalcy and reaching out is both the most effective-#-and best for the emotional wellbeing of this person#and damian is like ah i see (completely misunderstands) I will keep this in mind while interacting with grayson.#tim was completely ready to take on trying to stabilize a violent adult man who just lost a son of COURSE hed be like#‘yeah i can probably un-indoctrinate an assassin child. What could go wrong’#when Damian figures out Tim knows their identities they get to hang out at boring social events#damian is like tim has my complete confidence. And tim is like uh yeah i just dont rat him out on feeling emotion#damian is describing Tim to dick and he's like oh wow my informant is very trustworthy#he has great use in entertaining me at fathers horrible social events#and dick is like Damian buddy that sounds like a friend. A friend is the thing you're describing#also important to this au is Tim's adrenaline junkie tenancies. He just is.#maybe also as a side thing it's a Tim as Barbara's apprentice au? Eventually becoming a vigilante but more in the informational vein#babs is like hey Dami why did I see u on this camera hanging out with a random child and Damian is like shit. Do not tell father pls#so he recruits her to teach tim self defense so he wont fuckin die running around gotham#dc#is this just blatantly me liking tim and damian being friends? maybe. you cant prove anything
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You
Paring(s): JJ maybank x fem!reader
Summary: Request- John b's little sister grew up with JJ. Both boys are protective of her but when John B and Sarah leave on the boat, she only has JJ. She realizes she has feelings for him, not knowing he feels the same.
Authors note: I decided I could give you guys a sprinkle of fluff and slight smut after the last two pieces! This takes place at the beginning of season 2 where they believe Sarah and John b are dead.
Also, someone complained about the length of my pieces. I know they’re long but it’s just my writing style. I like for the readers to feel what the main character is feeling. If the length bothers you, then don’t read it!
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Angry.
That’s how I felt.
At myself. At my dad. At John B.
When we first lost our dad, it didn’t feel real. I waited outside on the steps of the chateu hoping to see him come back on his boat. Suddenly, hours turned to days which turned into months and the hope that filled my chest shrank bit by bit until I no longer sat outside.
Instead, John B and I did what we could. After successfully evading CPS, we decided it was best to lay low. That was the thing about us, we always managed to make the best out of a shitty situation because let’s face it, being born on the cut was shitty situation after shitty situation.
Unfortunately, it felt like the stress had finally caught up to me. Being surrounded by unfamiliar people caused a bitter sense of panic to fill my very core. My anxiety had amplified tenfold as the once out going girl became completely sheltered.
It was safer that way. At least, if I isolated myself, losing someone else won’t hurt as bad as this. Because as long as I had my brother, everything else was manageable.
Losing my dad was tough, almost impossible but at least I had John B.
Until, I didn’t.
It didn’t hit me until I saw the boat capsize with my brother and Sarah in it. I was truly an orphan, in every sense of the word.
My knees had given out as every emotion crashed into my body like a violent tsunami. A silent scream leaving my body as I could no longer hold myself up.
Familiar arms caught me just as I was about to hit the floor, the rain pounded into my skin like thousands of needles. As I drew in a sharp breath, my voice impossible to find, a delicate smell of sex wax and salt filled my nose.
JJ.
“Please breathe. I need you to take a b-breath,” He pleaded, his voice shook in obvious grief. He had just lost his brother too.
I couldn’t seem to do what he was asking. I squeezed my eyes shut, willing for this nightmare to end, but thought after thought slammed into my head repeatedly. My chest squeezed tightly, so tight that I began to claw at it, desperate to relieve the tension.
Yet, nothing seemed to work. I could see him now, his image blurred due to the tears falling from my eyes. His mouth was moving but I couldn’t hear anything.
My fingers slowly started to cramp due to the lack of oxygen from my inability to calm down. The tidal wave known as anxiety pulled me deep, my vision slowly becoming black before my unconscious body falls limp in the arms of my brother’s best friend.
_________
I hated this sign.
My eyes glared at the makeshift headstone my friends made for Sarah and John B that was carved into the tree.
It served as another reminder that my brother left me.
I’ve become close friends with anger and sadness.
Our friends tried to give me a sense of stability and normalcy, one that I’ve been lacking since the moment our dad died. Kie always stopped by bringing left overs from her parent’s restaurant. Pope would help me with my homework and go over scholarship options. I knew he was trying to help me plan for the future, but we both knew he was the only one that could really get out. I welcomed the distraction and tried to enjoy the small bubble I’ve created for myself.
And then, there was JJ.
JJ was special.
He all but moved in to the chateau, never leaving me alone in my thoughts for too long. He took up a serving job at some kook club to feed us and always brought me with him. I would sit in a small corner throughout, his shifts and enjoy his company.
In a way, I think it was for him just as much as it was for me. We had both bonded over the loss of my brother and it caused an invisible string to tether us together in a way that almost felt intimate.
I blew out a breath.
Standing up, I wiped off the dirt from my thighs and flexed my hands. JJ was on his way to pick me up and take me to the annual bonfire here on the island.
When he asked me, my first reaction was an immediate no. I had avoided going near large groups of people since they believed my brother to be a murder, therefore, making me guilty by association. Just the thought of surrounding myself around those people made my skin itch.
But I also knew that we were both desperate to feel the closest thing to normal that we could find.
What he didn’t know was that feeling of normalcy could only be achieved when he was with me. Breathing was easier when he was with me, living was easier.
The familiar sound of a bike engine caused my stomach to flutter with nerves.
“You ready?”
Inhaling deeply, I turned around to see JJ leaning against his bike looking every bit as handsome as the first time I laid eyes on him. He was grinning, something he reserved just for me, with a toothpick on one side.
If he was here, then I’d be able to do anything.
“I go where you go.”
JJ’s blue eyes shined at my words. He shot me his infamous smirk that nearly caused the butterflies in my stomach to erupt.
“You got that right. Get on the bike, let’s get the fuck out of here.”
My brain was my biggest enemy. It had a tendency to disrupt whatever sense of peace I had and destroy it with every self sabotaging thought I’ve ever had.
In this case, my brain wanted to know just how many girls sat there before me.
Noticing my hesitation, JJ raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms. “What’s up?”
“I just don’t want to get cooties from all the girls you let on this thing.”
He rolled his eyes. “Get your ass on the bike.”
My feet moved towards the bike as I mumbled under my breath. Stopping in front of him, JJ brushes some loose strands of my hair out of my face before grabbing the helmet that was on the seat.
I reached for it but JJ shoved my hands away, shooting me a flat look. Huffing, I stood there as JJ placed the helmet on my head, tightening the strap under my chin.
“Why do I have to wear a helmet and you don’t?”
“Because you matter.” His response was immediate.
Speechless, I said nothing more as he continued with the unnecessary pampering before he finally let me on the bike. Revving the engine, JJ kicks up the stand before reaching behind and grabbing my arm, settling it around his waist. He tapped my thigh twice to signal we were going and we took off.
I clung to his body, watching as the greenery blurred into one large mass, my thoughts doing the same.
You matter.
You matter.
You matter.
But what did that mean? What did it mean to him? What did I mean to him?
Because, I knew exactly what he meant to me.
There were small moments we shared. Our eye contact would stay on each other for a beat too long or his hands would linger just a minute longer than normal.
I knew, at least for me, our friendship had reached a very blurred line. My feelings for him seemed to consume me but I couldn’t tell how he felt. No one ever could, JJ didn’t let them.
He would say things like this that would completely throw me out of the loop. So we settled into a routine, one that resembled a relationship yet we weren’t in one.
The familiar cackle of the fire and shouts of excitement signaled that we were close to the party. Unease leaked into my bloodstream as I flexed my fingers into JJ’s shirt, the nerves sky rocketing.
JJ parked next to some truck but my focus was broken. My eyes jumped all over, taking in the scene all while trying to remind myself to breathe. People were shot gunning while others were playing beer pong, kooks and pouges alike.
Everyone was laughing and smiling, but it all seemed foreign to me. This was what I used to do, when things weren’t as complicated and dark as they were now. It felt almost wrong to go dancing and drinking when my life was in shambles.
A small touch to my wrist pulled me out of my thoughts as I turned to face JJ. A look of concern painted his face as he pressed his fingers against my wrist, checking my pulse.
“JJ, I’m fine.” I said exasperated but secretly, I adored how he took care of me. It made me feel like to him, I was different than all the other girls.
I just couldn’t decipher if he took care of me out of obligation to John B or because he actually cared for me.
He picked up this habit after I passed out in his arms. JJ always brushed his fingers against the inside of my wrist, just to double check that I wasn’t going to pass out again.
My anxiety was yet another monster I had to tackle after I lost John B and JJ was the only one that could calm me down. He weighed me down like an anchor.
“Look at me,” he demanded, his fingers lifting my chin causing my eyes to meet his.
His gaze ran over every inch of my face before a small satisfied smile played his lips.
“Do you believe me now?”
JJ shot me a wink, before cupping my face gently. “I’ll be back with tequila, don’t move.”
A small laugh left my mouth. “JJ, I don’t hang out with anyone else.”
“I’m all you can handle anyways, baby.”
My stomach dipped at the term of endearment. Laughing it off, I shooed him away and within seconds people were calling out his name, tugging him into their groups.
He seemed relax—happy even—to be surrounded by familiar people that I’m sure made him feel normal. I wanted him to have that, god, did I want him to have that.
So I ignored the nausea that nipped at my throat and spent the next five minutes looking around, hoping to spot Pope or Kie with no luck.
JJ deserved some time that didn’t involve watching me.
Only, I didn’t expect him to disappear for the rest of the night.
Hours later, I pushed passed the sweaty, overheated bodies as the bass of the music trembled through the air rattling my chest. The mass of bodies caused a layer of sweat to cover my body the further I went into the crowd. Intense rap music was being blasted instantly getting a reaction by the drug induced people around me.
Just by a simple sweep of the overcrowded property, I gave it a solid half hour before the cops showed up.
A large figure stumbled into me, beer sloshing onto my top. I gasped, stepping back slightly wincing at the cold liquid dripping down my stomach.
"Sorry," He slurred before stumbling back into the mosh pit of raging teens.
A familiar laugh rang out and almost immediately my body reacted to it. It was odd. After years of hearing his voice and his laugh, you would think I'd have gotten used to it by now, but no.
The effect he had on my body left me stunned.
My eyes were drawn to him instantly. I blocked everything else out.
His head was tilted back as he belted out another laugh. JJ was leaning against a wall with a hand holding a beer bottle loosely and the other moving as he spoke animatedly to the group that surrounded him.
His sun touched skin complimented his bright blue orbs that shined with a child-like wonder. JJ’s golden colored locks were thick and fell into a messy heap on his head, loose strands brushing against his forehead.
The black cut muscle tee he wore displayed every muscle as he continued to move his arms to accompany his storytelling.
JJ Maybank was a sight for sore eyes.
He was still talking rapidly when he glanced up and locked eyes with mine. JJ’s ocean eyes shined as he shot me a megawatt smile nearly sending me to my knees. He stopped mid-conversation and motioned for me to come over, his eyes once again gleaming with a unspoken level of affection.
I remained frozen. Sometimes this happened. I got overwhelmed by just how much I needed him.
JJ managed to knock me off my feet a solid five times a day. Each time welcomed even more than the last.
He bit his lip, stopping a smile as he bid his friends goodbye and began walking over to where I stood, running a hand through his hair messily.
I opened my mouth, not knowing what to say when a manicured hand rested itself on his stomach, stopping him in his tracks.
“Haven’t see you in awhile. Where ya been?”
Stacey Williams had this thing about her.
What it was, I couldn’t say, but it was enough for JJ to keep going back for more. She was the only other girl in his life that he gave a fraction of his attention to.
That fact alone made me nervous.
Just walk away, JJ. Please just walk away.
Instead, he took a seat next to her and shot her smile that was reserved for me.
People stumble between us, blocking my view but I could still hear them conversing.
“You know me, Steis. I’m here, I’m there. Just doin’ me.”
She let out a giggle causing me to roll my eyes. He’s really not that funny.
“You haven’t been answering my calls. I figured, tonight you could come over and we could talk.”
My stomach tied itself in knots at the silence on his end. It was almost like he was contemplating going.
“I -I can’t tonight. I came with John b’s sister.”
I winced. That’s all I was to him?
I could see Stacey lean forward and slip her hand along the open slit of his muscle tee. “She follows you around like a lost puppy, JJ. It’s almost sad if it wasn’t so weird.”
I saw him shake his head. “It’s not like that, we’re both just dealing with everything the best way we can.”
Stacey rolled her eyes before she took a sip of her drink, “JJ, your hot but please tell me you’re not that blind. The girl is basically in love with you.”
Judging by the way JJ froze, I now knew that I misjudged every interaction we’ve had to this point. He didn’t even notice how I felt.
“What-I mean-no. She’s just a girl that needs help. I mean, come on. She’s just John B’s sister.”
The only thing more humiliating than finding out the person you want doesn’t want you, is finding out they were only there for you because of an obligation.
I wasn’t special to him. I was just John B’s little sister.
I think another part of me died right there, because yet again, I have lost another person I loved.
But this time, he wasn’t gone, no—he was right in front of me, but he might as well have been a million miles away or six feet under.
Eavesdropping is the quickest way to a broken heart. Words not meant for your ears strike your heart in a brutal assault until nothing remained.
Finally, the crowd that separated us moved and I stood there stupidly staring at him.
Feeling the weight of my gaze, JJ turned his head and his eyes widened before settling into a look of guilt.
I tore my gaze off of him and looked at her. The smug smile she wore told me she intended for me to hear what he had said.
My face heated, and I glanced down at the drink in my hand. How could I be so fucking stupid?
Ignoring the sickening twists in my stomach, I tossed back the strong liquor in my cup. The burning trail the tequila left is the feeling I decided to focus on.
Spinning around, my eyes searched for another cooler, desperate to keep the burning feeling going.
“Shit-Wait,” I could hear JJ shouting for me but I kept moving.
Finding a handle of tequila, I flicked the top off and took a pull. The bitter burn fell over my body with a fuzzy warmth.
JJ knocks the bottle out of my hand.
“What the fuck is your problem?”
“Since when do you drink like that?” He asked.
“Go away, JJ. I don’t need you to babysit me anymore.”
“Listen, if this is about what I said-“
“You’re free, JJ,” my voice trembled with pain,” You don’t need to waste any more of your time on me.”
I grabbed a red solo cup, sniffing the contents, and just as I was about to chug it back, his hand slaps it out of my own.
“Will you stop fucking drinking that-“ JJ’s baby blues narrowed as he growled at me.
“What are you, my dad? You’re taking this baby sitting gig a little too seriously.”
It was, then I noticed how many eyes were on us. The music was still blasting, but no one was dancing.
My breathing picked up at the sudden attention. I dug my nails into the palm of my hand to distract my body from the ever growing panic that plagued my body.
JJ’s eye clock in on my nervous tic causing his glare to soften. A figure approaching pulled my focus off of him.
Topper strides over with a drink in his hand and a lazy smile. “Hey man-“
“Top, your wearing sandals bro. Step off.”
“I’m just saying man, she doesn’t want to talk to you.”
JJ’s eyes darkened as a threatening smile slowly graced his lips. “Wanna run that by me again?”
“I forgot that you pouges are missing a couple brain cells,” Topper lolled his head to the side and shot me a wink, “Since you’re clearly a bit slow, I’ll spell it out for you. She. Doesn’t. Want. To. Talk. To. You.”
“I dont remember you being this cocky with a gun to your head.” The words were spoken softly but the threat was clear.
A storm brewed in JJ’s eyes as the bright blue was replaced by something much darker.
My heart jumped at his tone and the look in his eyes made me swallow hard. Disgust filled me as heat began to build between my legs forcing me to press my thighs together.
Hands up on surrender, Topper shot me a look before heading back to his friends. JJ’s eyes stayed on him for a beat ensuring that he wouldn’t come back.
When he was satisfied, JJ moved towards me in quick strides making me yelp in surprise.
His ring covered hand grasped my upper arm and tugged me back to his bike. I shrugged out of his hold and crossed my arms across my chest, hoping it’ll keep a safe distance between the two of us.
I couldn’t think clearly when he was close.
“Listen-“
“No thanks.”
“If you would just-“
“Go away.”
“Can you please stop acting-“
“Why don’t you go back to Stacy? I’m sure she’d find this conversation enlightening.” I spat, shoving his reaching hands away.
“I dont want to talk to Sta-“
“Are you sure? You seemed to have a lot to say be-“
“Jesus Christ, would you just shut up?” JJ shouted with his hands in his hair.
My mouth opened and closed in shock.
“You’re the most frustrating person on this fucking island.” He growled, shaking his head in false amusement.
“Then why are you still talking to me?”
“Because it’s you.”
Throwing my hands up in defeat, I let out a bleak laugh. “What does that even mean? Stop pretending you care. Stop pretending to be my-“
“I wasn’t pretending.” He shook his head, the blue orbs pleading for me to understand,”Stacey was just saying shit to get a reaction-“
“She wasn’t wrong.”
He stopped talking and stared at me, almost confused.
My body trembled slightly with nerves as I prepared to finally expose every bit of my heart to the blue eyed boy in front of me.
“What she said—about how I feel about you. She was right. Anybody with two fucking eyes can see how I feel about you, except for you.”
I furiously wiped my eyes stop the tears from falling. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry.
“But now I know you only see me as John B’s little sister. It’s just humiliating that you chose to say that to Stacey instead of me.”
I was going to throw up. My stomach churned and swayed but I swallowed down the urge.
JJ let out a harsh sound, “I feel fucking guilty, okay? I feel guilty that I don’t see you the way I should. John B was my best friend and now I’m falling for his sister? It’s eating at me.”
“Then leave-“
“Shut up,” He snapped. “You’ve already got to say what you wanted. It’s my turn.”
My throat tightened as I braced myself for his confession.
“I look at you and I have to stop myself from kissing you even though it’s all I can think about.”
His eye contact seared into my very soul. I could feel it pierce my pounding heart.
“So you aren’t the only one that feels something.”
My heart was in my throat as I processed his words.
“But you said-“
“I lied.” He cut me off with a shrug and advanced towards me, clearly fed up with the distance I placed between us.
In a last ditched effort, I put up my hands to stop him in his tracks. I needed to think. I needed to breathe.
“Don’t touch me.” The plea itself was weak at best.
At the sound of my sob, JJ ignores my demand, and shoves my hands away, despite my weak attempt to keep him out of my space.
Instantly, his fingers curl themselves along my wrist and take note of my pulse. He let out a distressed sound from what I can only assume is the pounding of my pulse and whispers soothing words.
Taking in gulps of air, he slowly counts me down to a manageable pace of breathing. My shaking slowly begins to subside and my very focus is just on him.
Resting his forehead on mine, JJ whispers pleadingly, “Please stop crying.”
Another kiss lands on my nose. “I’m sorry.”
His request along with his sweet pleadings, causes my defenses to crumble down. Another sob tears from my chest as I relax into his embrace.
“I didn’t mean it.” He muttered, brushing my tears away with his thumb.
“Then why did you say it?” My words were soft, barely a whisper.
“Because she’s not important enough to know how I feel.”
Our eyes were glued to each other, a deep unknown longing singeing us together.
“You said I was just some girl.”
JJ tilted my head up, his fingers trailing softly along my bottom lip, “I meant my girl.”
“I have a lot of baggage,” I gave him one more shot at leaving.
“Good thing I have a truck.”
“But she-“
He shook his head, leaning down so there’s just a sliver of space between our lips, so close that we were inhaling each others breaths.
“You’re the only one I want.”
JJ bent down, his arms circling themselves directly below my ass, and picked me up causing me to shout out in surprise.
My hands curled onto each of his arms, my stomach fluttering at the flex of his muscles. He set me on the seat of the bike, his large calloused hands gripped my upper thighs tightly sending a wave of heat right to my core.
JJ’s half lidded eyes dart between my gaze and my lips. “Tell me to stop.”
The words never crossed my lips.
He let out a sound of satisfaction, tugging my legs open to stand in between them.
His ring covered fingers danced along the strands of my hair before nesting themselves at the root, gripping the nape tightly, "You’re mine.”
Heat instantly swarmed my belly as I drastically tried to collect my thoughts. My lips trembled as he hovered over me, his figure towering over my small frame.
JJ swiped his tongue along my parted lips before biting gently. Instantly, my body jolted forward and we were chest to chest, perfectly aligned.
My grip on his biceps tightened as I tremble with anticipation.
Finally, he pressed his lips to mine, slowly guiding our kiss. Gripping my hair tighter, he tilts my head sliding his tongue inside.
A small whimper escaped my lips causing a groan to erupt from him. Almost lazily, he pulled back slightly and pulled my bottom lip into his, sucking softly.
White hot lust seared itself into my blood. I let out a whine and pushed myself up, pressing my lips to his, desperate for another taste of JJ.
My blood was pounding in my ears as I tugged him closer. Almost lazily, I teased his mouth open and slid my tongue inside. Humming with desire, I gently sucked on his tongue causing him to flex his grip on my thighs.
JJ pulled back giving me the opportunity to catch my breath. His fingertips left a heated trail along my face as he caressed every inch.
He shook his head, laughing to himself softly,” It’s you. It’s always been you.”
______________
I love sassy JJ. Sorry for the delayed upload, I got into a car accident and am just now starting to get better:)
Please let me know what you think!! Next piece will be yummy smut with Rafe
#jj maybank#jj maybank angst#jj maybank fanfiction#jj maybank imagine#jj maybank masterlist#jj maybank smut#jj maybank x reader#obx#obx fanfiction#obx smut#rudy pankow#rudy pankow smut#JJ maybank imagines#outer banks smut#outerbanks imagine#outerbanks imagines#outer banks fanfiction#obx3#obx jj#obx imagine
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✮ tags. . a lot of sexual tension, suggestive, touch starved Wriothesley, gn reader. divider creds: cafekitsune.
"I don't have an attitude, what the hell are you talking about?" Wriothesley, clearly with an attitude, barks as he points at you with the index finger of his left hand, his right at his waist as if trying to make a point with body language.
His nose is wrinkled, threatening to growl at any moment just like a cornered animal. Seeing him so defensive makes you scoff letting out a small chuckle, still gazing at him.
You take a step forward invading your boss's personal space, the elevator shakes with the weight of both of you and you have to control your body so as not to pounce on him in search of stability.
You mimic his previous position, one hand on your hip, another raised in front of you both, your index finger pushing against the hardness of his chest.
"You. fucking. do." You pause between each word. "And you need to stop doing that with me, you know I'm doing a good job." You were, Wriothesley is just being a dick lately and that attitude is getting under your skin. You don't understand what his problem is now. "You don't have to be breathing down my neck all the time."
"Don't touch me." He grabs your wrist and quickly pulls it down to an area impossible for your field of vision to see, he doesn't let go right away which is strange to you, his gloved hand slides over your skin, in a strange mix of softness and hardness.
You check his face, the marks, the small wrinkles at the corner of his lips made by the time of so much pursing, barely visible wrinkle marks on his forehead, once more ….. From so much puckering and you realize that beyond being your boss, Wriothesley is an attractive man and it's just that the barrier you've built up to ignore that fact though more than that he's a tired man, an exhausted man and you can see it perfectly now.
Wriothesley smells like he's walked all over The Fort, yet it's not unpleasant at all. Underneath the slight smell of sweat is the scent of his manly soap and shampoo that blends into a peculiar fragrance with the sweat. You take a deep breath to control your emotions, you don't want to start a fight and you definitely don't want to give space to that new emotion blossoming inside you, on the contrary, you need to drown it with a bad attitude and get away from him as fast as you can.
"Can you let go of me now?" at the mention of his grip Wriothesley looks down to verify that he is certainly still holding you prisoner close to him. It's just that before he can respond or let go of your hand, the elevator moves abruptly announcing the arrival at the top floor which causes you to end up losing your stability and tumbling towards Wriothesley who grabs you firmly by the waist to keep you from falling at his feet.
His fingers cling to your body inevitably calling you more to him and only inches from his face, with his minty herbal breath brushing against your nose you realize what the problem is.
"You're pent up." You affirm and exhale, your breath brushing against his mouth. Wriothesley doesn't bother to affirm or deny it, the same impassive reaction remains on his face, then you add with a slight shake of your head. "How long since you fucked?" It's like a jab, perhaps too direct and bordering on the intimate for the kind of relationship you two have.
Wriothesley could fire you if he wanted to at that moment, you expect him to push your body off him but that never happens, instead you feel his hand slide down your waist and hug you closer to him. His erection blatantly rubs against you back and forth, his hips barely moving in a rhythm with no specific pattern, answering your question.
You exchange glances with his eyes and lips, the tip of his tongue brushes his upper lip and your own mouth feels dry, you find yourself thinking how much you would love to suck on his tongue, so pink, so thick. You find yourself getting hot imagining how it would feel in the middle of your thighs.
Suddenly the elevator doors open and the hot steam and bustle of the Fort squeezes between the unbearable silence and the heat that was created between the two of you.
"Come to my office for tea, my treat."
#wr#wriothesley x reader#wriothesley x you#wriothesley x y/n#wriothesley smut#genshin x reader#genshin x you#genshin x y/n#genshin impact x reader#genshin impact x you
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wavin' from the shore
screaming underwater part 2
r struggles under the weight of it all. her teammates try to help. the circumstances seem hellbent on making it impossible for her, though.
tw for allusions to mistreatment from coaches / trainers. nothing specific and nothing graphic.
wrote most of this while i was sad. angst ahead 🫡 [some fluff]
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Your teammates were patient people. They sat with you until you stopped crying and collected your thoughts, which took a while. They didn’t rush you, or ask you questions. They just sat with you, squeezing your hands and murmuring comforting words.
When you did speak, finally, your voice was scratchy from all the crying. “I don’t know where to start.”
“Wherever you want, nena. You do not need to tell us anything you do not want to.” Mapi promised, hoping to settle your nerves. She was sitting next to you, but gripped your hand tight in hers, almost as if she needed the stability, too, but she didn’t look at you. Almost as if the look on your face would be too familiar, too painful. Alexia, on the other hand, looked determined, her eyes blazing with anger when she looked at you, though you knew you were not the cause of it.
“What happened to your face?” Alexia asked after a minute, when it was clear you were still unsure where to begin.
Every word that left your mouth was difficult. You had to force every syllable, keep yourself talking, remind yourself that you were safe. That you trusted your teammates. “After the article came out? The coaches were really mad, and they didn’t know who’d talked. So they punished everyone. We had to run the bleachers until we couldn’t go any farther. It was really hot, and I collapsed after 45 minutes. Hit my face on a bench on the way down.”
You told it so emotionlessly, like you were completely detached from the situation. Alexia and Mapi knew it was just you trying to protect yourself, but it was still concerning to see the way you forced your emotions off.
Alexia thought for a moment, trying to figure out how to ask you more without pushing too hard. “Did that happen a lot? Pushing you guys past a healthy level?”
You were silent for too long, and when you finally spoke, it was quietly, shame clear in your tone. “What is a healthy level?”
You weren’t proud to admit that you didn’t know. When you were with the national team, it didn’t seem like there were any boundaries, or the ability to create one. There wasn’t any opportunity to ask for a break. It wasn’t allowed. When you were with Barça, things were obviously different. You took breaks when everyone else did, and occasionally when one of your teammates told you to.
You didn’t know what your limits were, though. All you knew was that you had to keep going, until someone told you to stop. Both girls looked struck at this confession.
Mapi took a deep breath, before she answered you as calmly as she could. “You shouldn’t be collapsing. You shouldn’t be throwing up. I… It’s really important to know your limits, nena. Really important. You have to know, so you know when to stop, when to not push yourself too hard.”
“I didn’t know I was allowed to do that.” You whispered. Mapi’s hands clenched into tight fists, her knuckles turning white. On your other side, Alexia inhaled a deep, shaky breath.
“We can work on that, pequeña.” Alexia paused. “The article said something about one of the recovery specialists…” she trailed off, allowing you to respond if you wanted.
“He was fired.” You told her stiffly.
“Do you want to talk about that?” She asked softly.
“No.” Your answer was firm, and both girls nodded immediately. You’d taken a big step already, calling and asking them to come over. You’d exceeded their expectations when you actually talked to them, even if it was just a little bit.
“That is perfectly fine. Mapi and I will see what we can do, okay? Try not to worry about it. I know that is hard, but we are not going to let you near that camp again unless we know it is safe.”
“Thank you.” You mumbled, sending them each a half smile.
The conversation ended there. You were done talking, clearly. You just weren’t sure what came next, now that you’d admitted there was a problem, and shown your teammates how fragile you were. It wasn’t clear to you where you went from here.
------
The answer was, apparently, Mapi’s house. She and Alexia had decided without a single word exchanged between them that you needed supervision. Mapi had offered, and privately, you thought it must be because she missed Ingrid, and was tired of spending her days talking to her cat.
There was no use arguing, the decision had been made, so within an hour, your bag was packed, and you’d been driven to Mapi and Ingrid’s apartment. After you’d been force fed a meal and sent to lay on the couch with an ice pack on your face, Mapi called her girlfriend. She was in the kitchen, and all you could hear were muffled voices, but you were pretty sure they were discussing you.
Sure enough, a couple minutes later, Mapi entered the room, holding out the phone to you.
“Ingrid wants to say hi.” She threw herself down on the couch next to you, shoving her face close to yours so that both you and her were in view of the screen.
“Hi elskling,” Ingrid greeted softly. You’d always been close with Ingrid. Mapi and Alexia were like your sisters, but neither of them were… great with emotions. Ingrid was a sensitive person, as were you, and you’d talked to her about a lot more in your life than anyone else. The minute she spoke, the minute you saw her looking at you through the screen, you were choking back tears. You wanted a hug from her, absolutely desperately, all of a sudden. Ingrid, though, was in Norway. The international break didn’t seem to care what it took from you, you thought sarcastically.
“Hey.” You said finally, clearing your throat in a way that accidentally told both girls you were upset.
“Oh, honey.” Ingrid sighed, her eyes flitting over you through the camera, lingering on your wounds, before flicking nervously to Mapi. “María caught me up. How are you doing?”
“I’m okay.” You lied.
“Yeah you seem okay.” Mapi grumbled, shrugging when her girlfriend shot her a look.
“No one expects you to be okay. I know you don’t want to talk, but just remember that I’m here whenever you need me okay? I’ll be back soon, and until then, María’s got you, yeah?” You nodded, but shifted somewhat uncomfortably. “No, I know what you think. María wouldn’t have offered to let you stay if she didn’t really want you there. I know she seems like she’s allergic to feelings sometimes, but she gives really good hugs.” Ingrid reminded you, bringing a slight smile to your face.
“Really, nena, I want you here. I’m so bored without Ingrid, I called her 5 times yesterday. Tell her, amor.”
“It’s true. One of the times she only put Bagheera on the screen, and pretended to be the cat for a full 15 minutes.” Ingrid laughed.
Mapi blushed heavily when you sent her a smirk. “Amor, that was private.” She grumbled.
“I know.” Ingrid said gleefully.
“Well, when I walked in the house, Mapi greeted me as Bagheera, and for some reason the cat speaks bad English and has a thick accent.” You commented, a real smile stretching across your face. There really was no better way to cheer you up than to tease Mapi.
“Fine. Bagheera won’t speak to EITHER of you anymore.” Mapi grunted, crossing her arms and pointedly looking away from the camera.
You and Ingrid laughed, and Mapi pouted even more. It took a lot of stifled laughs and ridiculous compliments before she turned back towards the phone, although the teasing didn’t end there.
It was a short phone call, only 20 minutes, but it did wonders in getting your mind off of everything, and by the time Ingrid had to hang up, you were grinning at Mapi, and she was smiling back at you. It didn’t take long for reality to hit again, though, and Mapi watched as your face fell, and you took a deep, shuddering breath.
“It’s all gonna be okay, nena. I promise.” Mapi murmured, pulling you into her side. You wanted to believe her, more than anything. You feared that this problem, though, wasn’t something she or Alexia could solve.
------
It was pure chance that Mapi caught you when she did. She’d twisted her knee a bit in the sheets, and a jolt of pain had roused her. Her clock told her that it was the middle of the night, and she was content to go back to sleep, when she heard noise coming from where you were supposed to be sleeping in the guest room. Something in her told her to check on you, and she quickly got out of bed and headed down the hall.
You were wide awake, fully dressed in running shorts and a shirt, hurriedly throwing your hair up into a ponytail when Mapi walked in. You were still crying, hands still shaking from the nightmare you’d had, and Mapi approached you like a wild animal, her steps slow and measured.
“Hey, nena?” She said softly. Your head snapped up, and when your eyes met hers, Mapi suppressed a shudder at how absolutely terrified you looked. “What is going on?”
“Gonna go for a run.” You said in a monotone, reaching for your shoes to slip them on. Mapi got there first, though, pulling them away before you could reach them, and guiding you to sit on the edge of the bed.
“It’s the middle of the night and you have a concussion, you cannot run right now.” She said firmly.
“Mapi, I can’t,” you whispered, very suddenly seeming to come back into yourself, hands reaching out to grip tightly onto Mapi’s top.
“Hey, shh.” She soothed, pulling you into a tight hug. “Did you have a nightmare?”
“Yeah.” You mumbled, whole body trembling against your teammates.
“What happened in it?” She asked casually, clearly giving you the option of ignoring the question.
You answered before you could convince yourself not to. “Barça hired that one recovery guy the national team fired. He came here. Everyone liked him, and no one would listen to me. No one believed me when I told them what he was like when he was with us, before.”
It was vague, and yet Mapi got the gist. She understood, and it made every cell within her flame with rage.
“That would never happen. We would never hire him, or anyone that treated you wrong. Never. And we will believe whatever you decide to tell us.” Mapi assured you sitting down on the edge of the bed next to you, and taking your hand.
“Will it ever stop?” You asked after a minute.
“Will what ever stop?”
“This feeling. I’m scared all the time. I don’t feel safe anymore, and nothing I do is ever enough, Mapi. They ruined me. I don’t think I can fix it.”
It was a horrible thing to hear, something that made Mapi understandably sad. But what really broke her was that she’d had all the same thoughts before. She didn’t really remember how she survived them. Ingrid, she supposed. You didn’t have an Ingrid, not like she did, but you had her, and you had the team. You weren’t alone, no matter how it felt.
“It stops. It takes some time, but you will feel okay again. You will feel safe again. Whatever you give is enough, pequeña, I promise you that. You are not ruined, just a little broken right now, yes? And maybe you cannot fix it by yourself, but you do not have to. You have every single one of us, and we are not going to stop until you are okay again.”
You couldn’t put into words how much that meant, how much comfort that brought you. You would have tattooed the statement into your skin at that moment, if you could. Just so you could read the words over and over again. Stop blaming yourself, stop hating yourself. For the moment, though, you settled on leaning against Mapi, and running through the words in your head, over and over. Over and over.
-------
Mapi kept herself together until you fell asleep, and until she made it out of the guest room. Her phone was in her hand the second she was walking back into her own room though, instantly beginning to pace as she pressed call, and hoped to god that Ingrid had left her ringer on, no matter how selfish it was.
“Ing?” Mapi asked softly, as soon as the phone was picked up. She almost never called Ingrid that, only when she was really upset, so her girlfriend was instantly on high alert, despite the late hour.
“Hey, baby. What’s wrong?”
All Mapi could do was try to stifle her cries in response.
“María, my love, tell me what’s happening.” Ingrid pressed, starting to pace in her hotel room.
“I was talking to-to pequeña, and it just-just reminded me of everything, and I do not know why I am crying, I just can’t, Ingrid, I can’t, I can’t.”
Ingrid forced herself to remain calm, knowing that panicking wouldn’t help her girlfriend at all.
“María, sit down.” She instructed, hearing some shuffling and assuming Mapi had done as she asked. “Where are you right now?” It was a familiar routine that Ingrid began taking Mapi through, but it worked all the same. She asked Mapi question after question, knowing just how to bring her girl back to her. Where she was, what she was wearing. What lights were on in the room. What she’d had for dinner. Mapi told her that Bagheera was sitting next to her, watching closely, and that you were safely asleep in the room next door. Eventually, when Mapi was calm, Ingrid told her exactly what she needed to hear.
“She’s got you, love. She’s safe, and you’re safe. You’re not going to let anything happen to pequeña, and I am not going to let anything happen to you. I promise you, María, anyone who wants to hurt either of you is going to have to go through me first.”
Mapi let her girlfriend’s words sink in. “Jeg elsker deg,” she said finally, and Ingrid smiled to herself at Mapi’s use of Norwegian.
“Te amo, cariño.” Ingrid whispered back. “Go to sleep. Take care of nena. I’ll be home before you know it.”
And if Ingrid would always protect Mapi, then Mapi would always protect you.
-------
The next day was better, though that was a low bar. The few remaining team members not away on international duty didn’t have training, and your teammates decided their tactic for the day was to keep you inside, keep an eye on your concussion, and distract you. Mapi and Alexia kept you busy watching nations league matches, and playing fifa. Mapi showed you a few sketches she was working on for a new tattoo for Alexia, and Alexia put on her guilty pleasure show, which was, amusingly, below deck. You wouldn’t have picked your captain as one for reality TV, but that assumption was clearly wrong.
They did limit your screen time, though, and they made you take a nap. It was during this nap that you got a phone call. From a reporter.
From the same reporter who had written the article.
He wanted to talk to you about the conditions you’d endured with the national team. What it had been like after the first article had come out, and why you left camp early with a mysterious injury. He wanted to know everything. And he wanted your name on it. Anonymous witnesses could be ignored. Named ones could not, he said.
You hung up pretty quickly, informing him that you needed some time to think. It was a testament to how much you trusted both Mapi and Alexia that you walked back into the living room right after, and told them about the phone call.
They were careful not to tell you what they thought you should do, though you were pretty sure they didn’t agree with each other. Instead, they stuck to a neutral message.
“You need to decide what to do, pequeña, for you and not for anyone else.”
“Ale is right. Your healing needs to be your priority, and you need to figure out how this interview would fit into that.”
You could talk. The team would know exactly who it was. Your teammates and your coaches. Everyone from that team that you hated and everyone that you loved. You could tell the truth. You could be brave. You weren’t sure you could survive the shit storm that would follow, though. You were barely surviving now. Maybe, though, your survival wasn’t the priority. Maybe the wellbeing of your teammates was.
You could be selfless, or selfish. Put yourself first. Treat yourself the way your teammates were convinced you deserved to be treated. You could forfeit your wellbeing for that of your teammates, practically invite a media invasion into your life. You could do the objective right thing, or you could do the right thing for yourself.
You could be selfless or selfish. You weren’t sure which option was better. You weren’t sure which option wouldn’t suffocate you.
--------
hehe.
theres a lot of ways i could take a part 3. do you even want a part 3? do you have ideas? let me know :)
#woso imagine#woso x reader#barcelona femeni x reader#barça femeni x reader#woso one shot#woso fanfics#ingrid engen x mapí leon
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PAC: How you will blossom in life & as an individual 🌺
"A flower that blooms in adversity, is the most rare and beautiful of all..." - Mulan
Pile 1:
Shufflemancy -
Moonlight Sunrise by Twice
Spring Is Coming With A Strawberry In The Mouth by Caroline Polachek
Fashion by Kamaiyah
Success, Patience, Acceptance, Abundance, Knight of Cups, The Hierophant, Four of Wands, & The World
Bottom of my tarot deck was the world and bottom of my oracle deck was abundance. So it seems that prosperity is right around the corner for you, pile 1! You are going to be entering a period of abundance and the universe will provide clarity and wisdom for you for this spring. I heard "The world is yours", so I feel that through life experiences, you will blossom and grow as a person. You are going to come in contact with a divine counterpart and it will feel almost too good to be true. I almost wrote "gold" so something about them shines the light in you. I also interpret this as embracing all aspects of love, such as allowing yourself to receive it (either from yourself or from others) as well as giving love. People could tell you that you're glowing more and overall your essence and appearance will become very radiant. It is possible that the person, or even people, that you will meet are going to highlight your best attributes. You will be able to be yourself around others and your true self will be greatly admired. I also see that your beauty and personal style will be very eye catching. You could learn to dress for your body type or you will try a new makeup look that enhance your features. Your individuality could be valued and admired by others, the glimmer in your eyes as you talk about your hopes, dreams, goals, or even what makes you happy would really be noticeable. For some of you, you could fall in love, while for others, you will make a friend, perhaps its both. Everything you ever waited and wanted for in life is going to happen to you. In life, you were someone who was always patient and observant of others, but the desires you seek is now time for you to have a turn to experience. You are learning to hoist your sails and steer the ship, instead of going against the water's current. You will be proud of how far you've come and will be able to celebrate your accomplishments soon! You could also be invited to parties or social events where your will get to make connections with others. Fixed energy (Leo, Aquarius, Scorpio, especially Taurus) is prominent in this pile, so it is likely you are going to attract opportunities for money as well that could provide you with a sense of confidence, mental clarity, emotional security, and financial stability. The message for you pile 1, is that "you deserve it". You are deserving love, happiness, and abundance. Be sure not to block your blessings by focusing on your insecurities, accept what you cannot change. Find the beauty in the present and what surrounds you.
Pile 2:
Shufflemancy -
LA DI DA by EVERGLOW
Mango Butter by Durand Bernarr
Link Up by Tinashe
Surrender, Friendship, Trust, Change, Seven of Cups, The High Priestess, The Emperor, & Knight of Pentacles
Forming a bond with others and allowing others to help you on your journey, pile 2, will you help blossom as an individual. You are a confident individual who knows their worth and you have a good head on your shoulders, but there is this aspect of constantly needing to be independent that is stunting your growth. Hyper-independence will not get you anywhere in life, it will only add to your stress and frustration. While you are someone who is successful in your endeavors, you do not allow yourself to trust in others. You could have possibly been raised with the mindset of "hustle culture" or could go by the saying I've been "grindin' all my life". Most people who reached to the top didn't do it all by themself. Whenever someone accepts an award, there are people that they have to thank for their contribution to their work. Whether that was a album, a film, a book, etc. It takes a team effort to get the end result. So you can be the star of the movie, you can be the main character, but watching a film that involves only one person doesn't really make sense. Unless this is the movie "Castaway", then you are going to need to have people in your life to help elevate you as a person. You have to be willing to learn the lessons necessary for your character development. Trust others could be something that is difficult for you but you know that you are smart, pile 2. If someone does not seem like a good apple, you are not obligated by any means to stay friends with them. The universe asks you to surrender and let go of the need to control everything, allow situations to unfold unnaturally. As much as we want life to be peaceful and never have to deal with negativity. It's not realistic, life is balanced, it has its ups and downs - good and bad. You need a friend who will help relieve that stress you are feeling in the moment. Learn to relax and unwind, you don't need to be strong all the time. You will blossom in life and as a person when you embrace having fun, letting your hair down, and being carefree.
Pile 3:
Shufflemancy -
Rocky by SAAY
Let Out The Beast by EXO
You Don't Understand by Gramatik
Freedom, Loneliness, Death, Failure, Five of Wands, Ace of Pentacles, Three of Cups, & Ace of Swords
Oh boy, are you in your angst era, pile 3? You could feel misunderstood and attacked by others. Growing up, it is possible that others would put you down and make you feel less about yourself. A select few of you have experienced bullying, some of you are dealing with unreasonable classmates or coworkers, while for others, your parents or family members were the first bullies you had. Whatever the case may be - you do not need to fight with these people anymore. You are free to walk away from at any given moment. I know that sounds easier said done but it is time for you stop letting people walk over you. This also may sound harsh but you have to get over this victim mindset as well. You are awesome person, pile 3, but holding onto grudges and toxic situations is not going to help you. You will blossom as a individual when you just stop giving a fuck about what these people have said or done to you. Do what you have to do to release the pent up emotions and say your piece then move on. Some of you, need to let someone have it. As in cuss them out for their mistreatment and put that asshole in their place. You don't have to let people get the best of you but you do need to set boundaries with people and know when to say "enough is enough". You are too nice to others and being cool, calm, and collected is not going to fix your problems. I see you are going to feel so relieved after you do this and a weight will be lifted off of your shoulders once you finally confront these issues. I also see that your feelings of loneliness and not being able to "fit" in or make connections with people will not concern you anymore. Your confidence is going to transform tremendously and I honestly am loving this for you, pile 3! I see that you could get the promotion you should have had a long time ago, get the grade you wanted in class, etc. Regardless of what it is, your hard work is going to be acknowledged and rewarded. I also believe you will find some sort of remedy in your relationships and people will start to really cherish you and will treat you with the respect you deserve. Some of you could go to counseling and therapy as well that will provide you with the tools necessary to resolve past trauma. Pile 3, you are going to be able to find your voice again and realize your thoughts and ideas should be heard, they no longer have to be dismissed anymore.
Pile 4:
Shufflemancy -
Godspeed by Frank Ocean
Found Love by Sofya Wang
Ribs by Lorde
Forgiveness, Indecision, Worry, Gratitude, The Star, Eight of Swords, Ten of Cups, & Five of Cups (reversed)
I feel you are missing someone or something, pile 4. There is this nostalgic and dreamy energy that you have. It feels bittersweet and for the season of spring, you could be reminiscing on your past. Perhaps you are remembering memories of someone that was dear to you. Some of you could have experienced the loss of a loved one or there is a distance between you and a place, person, etc. This is causing you to feel worried about your future and ponder about if you have made the right decisions in life. I feel that in order for you to blossom in life, you will have to experience "growing pains". This feels like a coming of age story or wishing to regain your innocence and youth. No matter how old you are, as long as you are living at this very moment, you can do anything you set your mind to. Whether you are an adolescent, someone in their 30s, or even middle aged. You have a great life ahead of you but you will not be able to see this bright future of yours if you do not put yourself out there and at least try. Our memories can be great but also painful but we look to those moments for strength for when we need to realize how far we have come. Instead of feeling remorse about your past decisions or worrying about what's going to happen, find the beauty of the unknown. Practice gratitude and appreciate everything that brought you to this very moment. If you cannot forgive others, forgive yourself my love, forgive yourself for your past mistakes. You do not need to harbor these heavy feelings anymore. There are happy times and joyous moments with loved ones going to come to you seen, as soon as you reflect upon your beliefs. Journaling and practicing affirmations will help you navigate these feelings and build self esteem. This is a period of healing, pile 4. Please hold on just a little bit longer and have faith that things will get better!
Pile 5:
Shufflemancy -
Cigar by HA:TFELT
Mizu by Sophia Black
Kerosene by Crystal Castles
Peace, Self Esteem, Service, Happiness, The Temperance, Queen of Cups, Three of Wands, & The Fool
I remember a quote by Bruce Lee where he said "To be like water, my friend" and I believe that means to just go with the flow in life. If try to force things and it does not work, just try another way. It's pointless to get upset about your way of doing things isn't working, try another way! Instead of being stubborn, you can have endless opportunities to use your creative thinking skills to make your life easier and better. I believe for spring you should do some spring cleaning, whether is cleaning your home, saging your room, or going to a river to take a dip in the water. Now would be a good time to bask in the fruits of your labor and enjoy the fruition of things unfolding. To blossom at this point in your life, you need to take things slow, and appreciate what beauty is in your surroundings. You could start noticing things you never have before. Like "Oh I never knew I had this beautiful tree in my neighborhood!" or "Wow I didn't know this great restaurant was right around the corner of my home!". Just allow yourself to explore your options and not think about what needs to be perfect. This is going to be a period of happiness, peace, and relaxation for you. I overall see that you need to rest and make time to enjoy going out or even make your home a beautiful place. You need to Marie Kondo your life, pile 5! Do what it is you need to unwind from all the stress. Be generous and practice some self care. Go to a spa, get a massage, redecorate your home, drink tea, read a book, take a bath with salts or bath bombs, etc. These activities will help put you at ease and give you the time to think about what you like to do with your life. I see that you will travel, take trips, and focus on self love this spring. You are going to be your own best friend and put yourself for once instead of always being at service to others.
Pile 6:
Shufflemancy -
Dusk by Chelsea Wolfe
Happy Without Me by Chloe x Halle ft. Joey Bada$$
You Should Be Here by Kehlani
Pride, Growth, Purpose, Adversity, Queen of Pentacles, Four of Swords, Knight of Wands, & Ten of Wands
I believe you are being prideful and refusing to make a decision regarding a situation, pile 6. You need to face the music about your actions and what is holding you back. This could be pertaining to a relationship that is not helping you elevate yourself in life. Whether this is a ex, current partner, a situationship, etc. This on and off relationship, that you refuse to accept needs to end, is going to continue to drain you of your time and energy. If you are not seeing someone, then there are codependency issues that you need to understand where it comes. You could have this vice that you are very attached to and without it - you become sick, depressed, and unstable. You do not need anyone or anything to make you feel validated and worthy. You are an amazing person but no one can make you see that but you. You cannot want to get better if you keep depending on materialistic things or the feeble words of others to boost your self esteem. No one needs to have a purpose in life to deserve to have a wonderful life. Your purpose is being here. Destiny, fate, or karma cannot define your self worth and affect what choices you decide to make. Take back your power today and stop looking for other people or the universe to be the voice of reason you need. You have a choice and you can do whatever you wish with that said choice. Life can be challenging and there are bumps in the road but pile 6, you will feel so proud of yourself when you overcome the trials and the tribulations. You will blossom as an individual once you learn to dust the dirt off your shoulder and understand that no matter what happens you will be okay because you have yourself.
Pile 7:
Shufflemancy -
Call For Help by Pearly Drops
I know I'm Funny Haha by Faye Webster
Growing by JGrrey
Perseverance, Relationships, Humor, Grief, Ten of Swords, The Magician (Reversed), Four of Cups, & The Tower
Pile 7, I feel that you are someone who is considered to be all "peaches and sunshine". You naturally have a positive disposition about life and could use humor as a way to elevate the mood. You are a bright source of light for others in this world. You are someone people can go to when they are feeling down and troubled and that is a very beautiful thing. The downside to this, pile 7, is that you are experiencing your own troubles and hardships that no one can see. I don't believe you discuss with others about the grief you have experienced despite having loved ones you have a great connection with. To blossom as an individual, pile 7, you need to embrace being open with others and understand that you are still lovable if you are not always happy. You have a gorgeous smile and when you use it to mask your pain, it becomes a concern. You don't have to handle it all by yourself. Call a friend or a family member to talk about everything you've been dealing with, you could see people will understand or care more than you may realize. Yes other people could be dealing with something in life but it is possible to check on someone as well and make sure they're okay. You are not a burden and you are loved. I also interpret this as you needing to call and check on someone close to you. Whether that's a old friend, your parents, your siblings, or someone you have grown distant from. This could be someone you've known since childhood because I smelled crayons and heard "green eggs and ham". I believe this could also mean you need to reconnect with your inner child. You may not believe in things that a child believes anymore such as magic, fairytales, and mythical creatures. It is okay to engage in fantasies every once in a while, for those sweet, innocent moments helps get away from the world during trouble times. Look at pictures of you when you were young, visit your childhood home, eat a snack you used to loved as a kid, go to a park, watch cartoons, or buy yourself some coloring pencils, markers, toys, etc. Just do an activity that allows you to spend time with your inner child and have fun! In your youth, or growing up, some of you may have struggled with acne but for the month of spring I see that your skin will really start to clear up! For some of you, Melanie Martinez and Tierra Whack's music could be significant. You may have had a phase where you were a big fan of these artists or you should get into their music for it may pertain to your situation. Their song "copy cat" is a message for some of you. Your blossoming period could be uncomfortable in some aspects, pile 7. You may end a friendship with someone or feel the need to move on from what it is not serving you. This change in your life will help you find your way back to yourself. You could have felt disconnected or confused about what is your true identity. Once you shed other's expectations and desires on who you should be, you will be able to experience to true joy. Your spring blessing is to be able to feel secure and comfortable with you really are.
Pile 8:
Shufflemancy -
Let Go by Frou Frou
Freefall by KATRANADA ft. Durand Bernarr
Doctor, My Eyes by Khamari
Judgment, Health, Imagination, Balance, The Hermit, The Empress, Five of Cups, & Death
You are being called to take a leap of faith, pile 8. Freefall into this new period in your life and allow you to see the wonders of life. Have faith and trust that the universe to always catch you. Release your need to judge and constantly criticizing your or other people's imperfections. You are the most prosperous in life when you just let go of the bullshit. You have to be able to realize there is abundance even if you do not see it yet. This is a funny example but I remembered the meme of the girl rapping "but did you die tho?". You could be someone who is considered to be "melodramatic" (real) and act as if the world is ending just because of a minor inconvenience. You are here, what are you going to do about it? Are you gonna cry over spilled milk or continue to push on and do something that makes you happy. Find a balance in expressing certain emotions before you react. You will blossom as an individual when you learn to practice emotional intelligence and know that you are always going to be okay in the end. Have the mindset of "Asked me how I'm doing? I'm blessed, yes." I wrote this at 111 so that angel number is a sign for you to pay attention to your thoughts at this time and instead focus on your manifestations babe! I feel like your guides wish to tell you to stop acting bratty like they adore you but you have your moments where you let your emotions get the best of you and you start to act really spoiled. I'm hearing the lyrics "Good karma, that's my aesthetic, keep my conscious clear that's why i'm so magnetic" and I believe that is all I can reveal to you, pile 8. You already know what desires you seek and how to bring it into fruition, just make sure you stay humble and stop reacting to things that are pointless and won't pertain to you in the next 24 hours. Make sure to get a health check up as well this spring, your eye health could need to be examined or you may need to look into getting glasses or contacts.
Pile 9:
Shufflemancy -
Changing Seasons from the Persona 5 soundtrack
Bluetooth by Piri & Tommy
Borderline by SUNMI
Doubt, Empathy, Fear, Regret, The Moon, The Hanged Man, Page of Cups, & Five of Swords
I feel that this is pile is interested in Y2K, gaming, and technology. You could be more of a hands on person and enjoy objects that allow you to touch, mold, or shape things with your hands. Some of you could be neurodivergent and enjoy using tools that allow you to stim whether that is slime, clay, ceramics, etc. You are really good with your hands and solving things with technology. You could also have a future career in fields such as STEM, video game design, gaming, music production, computer programmer, etc. You are someone who has their unique way of thinking and this is intriguing to others. Your features could be very physically cute as well. This could be weird to say but to people they think of you as a tomodachi, they just want to put you in their pocket, and carry you around. People desire to take care of you. You may think your quirks are considered unlikeable but this is not true. You may not be everyone's cup of tea but there are plenty of people who find you beautiful, pile 9. I feel that there is someone who may even have a crush on you. You could feel things more intensely than others and could deal with feelings of anxiety. You may have trouble sleeping at night due to racing thoughts, thinking of past regrets, and feeling guilty for things that you have done. Pile 9, you have to let go these thoughts and realize that it is just a thought. I am remembering the song "Here Comes A Thought" from Steven Universe. You do not have to suffer because you have troubling thoughts or a mental condition that causes you to be different than others. You may think you are doing others a favor by keeping away and staying in isolation, but it is doing you more harm than good in the end. You may also feel stuck and that you won't be able to get your current circumstances but that is just an illusion. The doubts, the thoughts, the circumstances is all an facade. You can get past this and you can fall in love, make friends, or pursue your dreams exactly the way you are. You do not need to be like anyone else but you. You will blossom, pile 9, once you embrace your remarkable qualities and also your flaws. No one is perfect and just because you have either a condition or personality that may not click with everyone else, it does not mean you cannot be happy, successful, and accepted by others. This spring, you should turn over a new leaf for yourself. Try to start with small goals and take your time. I wish you the best of luck :)!
#pac#pick a card#pick a pile#tarot#tarot readings#free readings#oracle cards#tarot cards#astrology#astro observations#astrology observations#witchcraft#wicca#hoodoo#spring#flowers#manifestation#abundance#law of assumption#loa#magick#law of attraction#divine feminine#divine masculine#spirituality
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Hellooo, I’m OBSESSED with your work and I was hoping you could do monster trio + law on how would they act before and after they marry their s/o. Don’t be pressured to do this request and stay healthy!<33
𝐁𝐄𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄/𝐀𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐄𝐃𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆
𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒: luffy, zoro, sanji, law
𝐂/𝐖: fluff, domestic
𝐀/𝐍: Hellooo! Thank you so much, this comment is so adorable! It’s so nice that you like what I write so much! I hope you will also like this one! Stay healthy too! ୧ʕ•̀ᴥ•́ʔ୨
𝐖/𝐂: 1k +
| m a s t e r l i s t |
𝐋𝐔𝐅𝐅𝐘
✧ Luffy does not particularly want to marry, so his behavior will not change much from before to after. He doesn't even see it as a change in your relationship. He loves you as much as before, it is just now stipulated on a piece of paper.
✧ And he has a ring on his finger that he is not allowed to remove.
✧ Otherwise, he knows he will not have access to the bed unless he has a reaaally good excuse.
✧ The only small change is that, at the beginning, it makes him laugh. He calls his wedding ring "his leash" and makes you joke about having lost it. He quickly notices that you don't laugh at this kind of joke, it even makes you angry sometimes, so he stops.
✧ The subject of marriage will thus completely come out of his mind.
✧ He knows that he has "married" status but it does not bring him anything tangible, so he forgets.
✧ His allies discover that you are married when Luffy is injured and they have to remove everything that is superfluous for care. Like the ring he always drags on his finger. However, Luffy will prick a crisis when they try to remove the jewel and refuse to let it leave his finger. Even if it means becoming violent.
If he is asked for the reason for his opposition, he would answer as if it were obvious: "I will be killed if I take off my wedding ring."
No more noise in the room. Nobody talks.
How is this kid married without anyone knowing it?!
𝐙𝐎𝐑𝐎
✧ Zoro is rather in favor of marriage because he remains quite cozy in terms of romantic relationships and marriage can bring more stability and tranquility.
✧ He really likes his routine training-napping-drinking so why not have one with you too.
✧ The biggest difference that your wedding brings is an emotional rapprochement. From couple to married, you have gone from the status of "trusted person" to "main support" so the advantages are not the same.
✧ The disadvantages either!
✧ Wait until he gets out while leaving a messy room behind him and think that, since you are married, you will tidy with him.
✧ He also reveals to you more of his past and, if you have the opportunity, he would take you to Shimotsuki to go together to the tomb of Kuina. You would also meet his former dojo master.
✧ If you accept, your couple will also become the "cliché" of a Japanese bride and groom. Zoro will put himself in the position of the leader of the household who must put you at the shelter of all (physical, financial protection, etc.) and to work. In this entrepreneurial culture, Luffy is the boss to whom the employee is dedicated. You will take the reins of the household with the cleaning and organizing for both of you, as well as the management of money.
✧ You are free to refuse if you want because, even if it tends towards the ideal of Zoro, he will not impose it on you either if you refuse.
✧ This could, however, allow him to be less in debt to Nami if it is you who manage his money.
𝐒𝐀𝐍𝐉𝐈
✧ While he was already Lovey Dovey before your wedding, it will grow even more after.
✧ Sanji sees your relationship as a progress bar with objectives to be achieved. The more the gauge progresses and the more it is referring to its ideal of the perfect family. It started with getting into a couple, and now it has taken the step of being married. Next step: the question of children.
✧ Wait until you hear him call you "my wife" in the middle of the day and, when you come to know why he called you, he just answers you "to see what it was like" smiling like a fool.
✧ Can become a little heavy by presenting you only as his wife.
✧ On the other hand, since he was already worshiping you when you were in a couple, he now literally venerates you. Really, he will be the leader of a cult of which you will be the idol. Even more if you accept having children together.
✧ Is definitely a slave for you.
✧ You also have the privilege of finally passing in front of other women. This is the first time in your life where you can simply call him and he immediately leaves the sides of Nami AND Robin without asking a question. He still flirts but he is less extreme while doing it. He is more posed.
✧ However, he is much less demanding of marks of affection coming from you, compared to before when he could be downright invasive, because being married reassures him of the fact of being loved.
𝐋𝐀𝐖
✧ Unfortunately, there is a post-mariating relaxation concerning the manners of Mr. Trafalgar D. Waterlaw.
✧ Where before he forced himself to do actions to please you or to be—and God forgives him—romantic, he now takes his ease. He pretended to listen to you, before, when you were talking for hours of your day but, now, he pretends to fall asleep to show you how bored he is. Has he brought you breakfast in bed? Now: "You do have legs, no? Use them, then."
✧ It is not supposed to be mean, but he grumbles a lot.
✧ Yet, you quickly realize that he gives you a place in his life and space.
✧ Even if he no longer makes any effort to show you that he listens and is interested, you just have to mention that you missed something for it to appear mysteriously a few days later. He no longer gave you breakfast but all the elements were already prepared when you arrived in the kitchen. You just have to cook them or put them on a plate.
✧ A real tsundere!
✧ The real post-marital black point is that he makes less effort to plan time for you. He thus accepts more workload and remains locked up in his office longer than before he passes the ring on the finger.
✧ He takes you for granted since you accepted.
✧ If you let it do, it can either end in divorce without he realizing it or he will agree to plan more time for you in his schedule. You can blackmail him with ridiculous actions.
𝐉𝐎𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 𝐈𝐅 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐃𝐎𝐍'𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐘 𝐔𝐏𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄
𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @iheartamora @bontensh0e @opchara @lys-ada @viscade @dozcan123 @kai-wifey
#one piece#one piece x reader#luffy#luffy x reader#roronoa zoro#zoro x reader#sanji#sanji x reader#trafalgar law#law x reader
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Forgotten: Part Two
Azriel wakes to find himself with everything he'd never allowed himself to wish for. Now, faced with the reality of all he thought he wanted, he must come to terms with his desires and the unexpected direction his life had taken.
Word count - 3564
A/N - Thank you all so much for reading the first part of my little story and for all the lovely comments and words of encouragement. I'm still learning how to post and interact on here, a few people asked to be added to a taglist which I've tried to create but I'm not sure if it actually works.
Part One ☪ Part Three
Forgotten Universe: Pretty Eyes
Azriel
Azriel was still under Madja’s knurled fingers as they palpated his temples, the soothing chill of her healing magic drifted over tender, swollen skin. Her copper eyes assessed his face closely and he schooled his features into a blank mask. His gaze drifted over the curve of her shoulder to meet Rhys as he lingered by the open doors of the balcony. The bland smile, the loose set of his shoulders, and the hands that hung casually in the pockets of his trousers irked Azriel. After so many years it wasn’t difficult to read this feigned nonchalance, the worry it masked beneath.
“A lingering effect of the head injury, exacerbated by the bloodsbane.” Madja’s fingers continued to probe as Azriel returned his attention to her. Thickness lingered on his tongue; left over from the medication she’d administered on her arrival to reign in his fever. His head felt clearer now, where his shadows had been silent before they sang again, murmuring of the almost imperceptible anxious shift of Rhys’ weight on the floorboards. Elsewhere the House of Wind was quiet and empty, Elain having fled into Rhys’ arms with a demand to be winnowed home without sparing a glance in his direction. Azriel had been left to stew in solitude until his brother had returned with the ancient healer tucked in his arms, greying spindrift hair windswept, her face lined with wrinkles and kind concern.
“Some amnesia isn’t uncommon with an injury like this,” Madja continued finally pulling her hands away from his face. “Though to ascertain its true extent you must tell us what you remember shadow-singer.” She retreated from him into the chair Elain had occupied earlier, righted by Rhys, and slowly lowered herself on creaking joints. Azriel balked a little under the attention as he tried to force himself to recollect. Pain brewed between his eyes. He remembered the visit to Hewn City, the scheming; the gifting of Nesta’s made blade to Eris. He remembered the solstice party, the disaster of his foray with Elain afterward, and his brother’s wrath. The ensuing weeks had been busy, his mornings occupied with training the Valkyries and concocting obstacle courses modeled after the Blood Rite qualifier. The afternoons and evenings spent keeping tabs on Eris and following up on the dead leads from whispers and fables of high-fae women bearing winged babes. Everything after was hazy, difficult to hold, and worsened the pain in his head if he tried to focus for too long.
“Feyre,” he said, and Rhys cocked an eyebrow, his face encouraging him to continue. “We were following leads on the delivery of winged babes.” The darkening of Rhys’ features filled Azriel with a sense of foreboding. “Feyre,” he continued, “is she…Is the babe...” He trailed off, unsure of how to broach the topic. Rhys’ features softened, understanding his brother had misinterpreted the emotion to be driven by his grief and loss and not for the male before him. Shoulders pulled forward in a rare display of vulnerability, scarred fingers clasping his knees for stability, Rhys struggled to recall a recent memory of seeing his brother so open, so vulnerable. He hadn’t seen him this lost since their youth in the war camps.
“Feyre,” Rhy drawled, fixing Azriel with what he hoped was an abating expression. “And the babe, we named him Nyx, they’re both well. Perfect.” Rhys watched his brother process the information, the small twitch of the corner of his mouth the only sign of his surprise. Watched as Azriel came to terms with the missing months in the timeline, Feyre still had half of her pregnancy to go during the solstice. How would he even begin to broach the missing years? “You don’t remember anything about the attack?” Rhys probed, Azriel bristled under the line of questioning.
“No.” His fingers danced over his injured abdomen and trailed the bandages before climbing up to rub over the empty feeling in his chest, worse than any wound he’d ever gotten. It left him feeling cold and empty. The glint of his rings caught his eye. The signet on his little finger embossed with the Night Court symbol, a gift from Rhys centuries ago declaring him part of his found family, rubbed against an unfamiliar band of gold.
Feyre
Feyre locked eyes with Nuala as she crouched over Nyx playing with his toys on the carpet. The shadow-wraith stepped silently over to them and greeted the young heir to the Night Court with a small smile, producing a plate of homemade biscuits warm from the oven and smelling of cinnamon. Nyx fixed her with his cerulean eyes and toothy smile, cheeks chubby from the lingering fat of youth. Reaching out to fist the crumbling treat in one hand he thanked her, proceeding to get more crumbs in the creases of his clothes than he did in his mouth. Feyre’s heart swelled.
“I’ll be back soon,” she reached out to stroke his midnight hair as his arms waved, one brandishing a small wooden figure and the other his half-eaten treat.
“Okay, mama.” His eyes were drawn to her briefly before he returned to his imaginary world, moving his wooden figure into position to conquer the high ground of his drawing table, covered in drying paint and charcoal pencils.
“You’ll behave for Nuala won’t you?” Nyx nodded eagerly in agreement and proceeded to clash the figurine in his hand against a triangle formation of his enemies with a sound of delight. Feyre rose, leaning close to thank the shadow-wraith on her way to the door. After taking an indulgent glance backward she stepped into the breach, winnowing to a familiar path on the outskirts of Velaris.
Well-manicured grass thick with morning dew poked through the paving stones Feyre stepped between on the way up to the front door. The lower level was in darkness, the windows blending into the dark stone and winding vines. The second level blazed, fae light seeping out of the floor-to-ceiling windows though Feyre saw no movement.
The dark wood of the door opened on a wind under her fist, poised to knock, and Feyre took the invitation to enter. The foyer offset the chill of the early morning air and she made a beeline towards the dark staircase. The open door allowed a beam of sunlight into the sitting area, dark with the curtains drawn, illuminating the comfortable leather chairs perched around the large fireplace.
Feyre eyed the portrait hanging above the mantle, a solstice gift to Azriel the year after his mating ceremony, her heart ached. Depicting the moment after the vows had been said and the food exchanged, hands clasped between them bound by thick dark ribbon, Feyre remembered agonizing for days over how to properly encapsulate onto the canvas the shared look of love and adoration. Feyre couldn’t imagine how you had coped over the last few days, in the last months of pregnancy sitting vigil at Azriel’s bedside wondering if he would wake up. Presumably elated to hear he had awake, only to find him in the arms of another woman, one with whom he shared such history.
Continuing up the stairs to the second floor Feyre followed the fae lights towards the front of the house. The door to the nursery was ajar and she stopped short of the threshold. Your back was to her, one hand tracing the soft carved wood of the bassinet Azriel had spent every spare moment painstakingly crafting. The scent of fresh paint hung in the air, leftover from a few weeks ago when the pair of you decorated the walls with murals of snow-capped mountains, lush forest greenery, and frolicking animals.
Suspended over the bassinet in a sea of miniature stars hung multicolored globes, each spinning on their invisible axis. The spiraling constellation, you’d called it a galaxy, held all the planets known to your people. Feyre wondered how many you’d seen in your trips across the stars as you reached up into the field of magic closest to you to trace your fingers over a small planet of russet brown cratered with darker swirls.
“Rhys told me what happened.” Feyre watched as you continued to agitate the floating sphere. You didn’t turn. She crept closer into the room, torn between giving you space and reaching out in comfort. She waited with bated breath to see if you would respond before continuing. “It’s the head injury, he doesn’t remember.”
“He had no idea who I was.” The hand that hung in the stars moved to cradle your abdomen. “He would’ve…” You trailed off. The posturing, the aggression, there was no doubt at that moment Azriel viewed you only as a threat, a stranger, someone who had invaded his home. That was not the male who had doted on you only a week before, hands cradling you gently as his lips brushed your soft skin singing low lullabies to your unborn babe.
“Elain was at the River House earlier,” Rhys had dropped her there with a rushed explanation before disappearing again. “She feels awful, she wanted to come and apologise.” Feyre wasn’t sure why she brought up Elain, as soon as the words were out of her mouth she realised she’d made a grave miscalculation.
“I don’t care what Elain wants right now Feyre.” The temperature in the room plummeted as you finally turned to look at her. For a moment the air in the room thinned and Feyre struggled against the pressure of the vacuum that forced her to exhale. As quickly as it came the atmosphere in the room returned to normal and she sucked in a shaky breath through her teeth.
“I know, I know. I didn’t mean it like that.” Feyre tried to keep her voice low and soothing, pinned under your gaze as she edged closer, reaching out to place an open palm on your arm. “Madja’s with him now, she says that all this is to be expected. When Rhys spoke to her earlier she said these things usually resolve themselves with time.” Your thumb traced gentle circles on your swollen belly.
“In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m a little short on that right now.” The anger in your tone was undermined by the tears threatening to spill. Realising there wasn’t anything she could say Feyre moved to pull your body against her own. Arms encircling you in a comforting embrace, she rubbed her fingers between your shoulder blades. You moved to hold her back, resting your face in the space where her neck met her shoulder as you let the tears fall. “What am I going to do?” Your voice was thin and watery, in the time Feyre had known you she’d never heard you speak with so little conviction.
“We’re going to figure this out.” She pulled away slightly and clasped your face between her hands, forcing you to meet her gaze. “I promise. You have all of us, you’re not alone in this. We’ll do everything we can for you, both of you.” Nodding you sniffed, pulling away. Feyre let you go as you turned your attention back out to the window, eying the gilded disc of the sun as it rose across the Valaris skyline.
“I’m heading to the House of Wind,” Feyre continued to observe you as you tracked the ascent. “Would you like to come?” You moved closer to the window. On the opposite side of the city you could see the grand mountain range and it’s carved residence. Through the morning mist blanketing the base a large, winged figure rose, angling to land on one of the balconies.
“I don’t think I can look at him right now.” Feyre acquiesced her desire to push you to come with her.
Azriel
After Madja had left Rhys with strict instructions regarding Azriel’s rehabilitation over the next couple of days, he’d supported his brother’s weight while they made slow progress to the bathroom. Azriel’s limbs felt stiff, uncharacteristically uncoordinated and he concentrated on remaining upright and shuffling one foot in front of the other.
Steam rose from the bath the House had prepared, swirling to meet the shadows that seeped down his arm as Azriel braced one hand on the edge of the tub. Using the other he edged the loose cotton trousers down over his thighs until they pooled at his feet. Fingers tugged at the cotton on his abdomen to find purchase, loosening and unwinding until the bandaging fell away to reveal an angry pink scar, jagged and stark against tanned skin.
“Want me to wash your back?” Rhys shot him a cheeky grin, but the mirth in his voice didn’t reach his eyes. Azriel appreciated the effort, this small attempt at normalcy. He shot his brother an obscene gesture before raising one leg to step into the tub, thigh muscles twitching as he shifted into the hot water. Using his arms to brace his weight he started to lower himself in, descending too quickly they struggled to hold him up causing a wave of bathwater to soak the floor. Azriel sunk under the warmth of the water, allowing it to soothe him.
“We’ll be in the dining room, come down when you’re ready.” His shadows had already informed him of Cassian and Nesta’s arrival, he assumed the rest of his family wouldn’t be far behind. Azriel nodded, avoiding Rhys’ gaze, pretending to study the shadows roiling over the water. In the mirror on the opposite wall, Azriel watched Rhys’ reflection as he opened his mouth as if to speak, no sound coming out as he considered, before closing it again and disappearing through the doorway.
Dressing had been an arduous process, though no longer stiff and painful his muscles had a weakness that he wasn’t used to. After struggling into the tight second skin of his fighting leathers he felt more himself. Finding truth-teller laid out in its holster on the dresser he strapped it to his thigh. His shadows, now a fuller cohort with the effects of the bloodbane leaving his system, were a thick tangle of moving darkness, sour and agitated in solidarity with their master.
Despite his interrogation, they hadn’t offered him any useful information, it caused Azriel great frustration when they took the stance of purposeful vagueness or outright ignored him. He sent them ahead down the corridor to scout out the dining room only to be turned around by a shield of impenetrable night. Whatever conversations were going on in that room, Rhys did not want him privy to them. His own family, keeping secrets. It left a bad taste in Azriel’s mouth, a sense of betrayal in his chest that sat next to the empty feeling he was growing accustomed to, a limb he didn’t know he had until it was missing.
Azriel reached the closed door, the thick night dissipating as he progressed, the sound from beyond the door returned but he heard no voices. Just the sound of breathing and the clink of porcelain as someone set a cup on a saucer. Rhys must have informed them of his impending arrival. He pushed the door open and took in his family.
Cassian, Nesta, Rhys, Feyre and Amren all sat at the table which had been used for family dinners before the River House was built. Their faces were carefully blank as he assessed them all. Mor was notably absent, information Azriel tucked away, either her efforts across the continent were still ongoing or some other manner of business had her attention. He hadn’t expected to see Elain, not after her spectacular display of anger, but he couldn’t help the feeling of unease and disappointment it left in his gut.
“Finally, the invalid graces us with his presence. Took you long enough,” Cassian sent him an easy grin, arms folded across his stomach as he lounged in his chair. Azriel scowled in response which only made his brother’s smile wider. This had always been Cassian’s modus operadi, an invitation to be provoked into a physical outlet if that’s what was needed, thinly veiled under jibes he rarely meant at heart. For a moment, Azriel considered taking up the unspoken offer, if only to delay what was undoubtedly going to be an uncomfortable conversation.
“Azriel,” it was Feyre who spoke, offering him a small smile, “Why don’t you join us?” Azriel understood that it wasn’t an invitation and slid into the seat next to Amren. His eyes met Nesta’s who sat across from him. They’d reached a tentative understanding, perhaps it could be considered a friendship, in the months he could recall. He remembered her joy at receiving the solstice gift he’d gotten for her, the resulting rare display of physical affection.
Looking at her now, face resolute and stony with blazing anger behind her eyes, barely contained, he had the sense that something had damaged the dynamic between them. He purposely looked away, instead fixing his eyes on Rhys; then Feyre. He waited for someone to speak, break the almost oppressive silence. He half-expected it to be Cassian again, with some throwaway comment or badly timed joke, but it was Rhys who cleared his throat.
“Azriel, thank you for joining us.” Azriel raised an eyebrow at the formality but stayed silent. “There are some matters we need to discuss.”
“Clearly.” He trailed his eyes over his family again, they all seemed uncomfortable to be here, to be around him. As if they knew he was going to react badly to whatever they were going to say. Rhys let his remark go, seeming resolute to power ahead with the conversation.
“What you showed me of your recent memories,” he continued, eyes drifting to Feyre who gave him an encouraging smile. “Lead us to believe that the memory loss is more extensive than we originally feared. Azriel, what you showed me – it was more than five years ago.” Azriel barely seemed to move under the scrutiny of their gazes. He’d lost years of his life. In the grand scheme of his immortality it felt like nothing, but looking at his family and realising that they lived in a future he didn’t remember left him feeling sick.
Azriel tried to find some rational thought to hold onto as he spiralled. He fell back onto the only thing he could rely on, his role as the Night Court’s spymaster. “Was it the work of the Queens? The attack?”
“The debacle on the continent has been resolved, for the most part. It was only supposed to be a routine investigation, nothing too strenuous or time-consuming given your current…” Rhys paused. “Situation. You were gathering information on some remaining rebellious factions, we didn’t anticipate that you would meet that kind of resistance, that they would have the resources. We’re sorry Az, we never meant for any of this to happen.”
“And what exactly is my current situation, Rhysand? What do you have to apologise for?” Azriel’s voice was low and dangerous. Amren snorted at the display, reaching for her wine glass. He expected a scathing remark, but it never came as Rhys shot her a look, and in a rare moment of deference she adhered as he implored her to remain silent.
“The female that was in the house earlier-“
“The thief.” Azriel interrupted.
“No,” Feyre cut in before Rhys could continue. “Her name is Y/N, and she’s your mate Az. The situation,” Feyre seemed to find describing it as such distasteful, but she continued. “Is that she is pregnant, with your child. That’s why we’re sorry, if we knew how dangerous it would be we never would have asked you to go alone.”
This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Three brothers for three sisters, that was what Azriel had always thought about, always dreamed. The cauldron blessing him with undeniable proof that, though not blood-related, he and his brothers were three equal parts in the eyes of fate. He’d wanted that, seeing how happy they were in their relationships filled him with bone-deep envy. Observing from the sidelines as Rhys and Feyre prepared for the new addition to their family with vigour, as Cassian and Nesta had danced around each other in slowly shrinking circles. The other halves of their souls. That should have been him and Elain, never mind the mockery of the bond Vanserra thought they had. Azriel knew it was a mistake, a sick joke that would all work out in the end because there was no other way it could be. Three brothers for three sisters.
He wanted it all. A house on the outskirts of the city, filled with the sweet scent of Elain’s baking and made beautiful by the flowers she cultivated in their gardens. Filled with sunlight and happiness, somewhere to retreat from the darkest corners of his life. He’d dreamed of that life in the secret hours of the dawn, of a future where the issues of Feyre’s pregnancy had been resolved and perhaps their home was filled with the noise of children.
Now he had awoken in a future where he had those things, a mate, an unborn babe on the way, only to find it wasn’t with whom he desired. Elain, whom he had woken in this world for, who had been so tender in his first moments of consciousness, who had kissed him back. Azriel couldn’t imagine choosing to build that life with anyone else.
A/N - Phew! I know, the angst was real. I promise it will get better, but there's definitely a long way to go here! Part three is in the works, not sure when it will be finished but hopefully it won't be too long.
Tag list: @kalulakunundrum @impossibelle @we-were-beautiful @going-through-shit @mulansaucey @sv0430 @naturakaashi @amygdtjhddzvb @airstrip-0 @acourtofsmutandstarlight @myheartfollower @whyonearthisyourusernamethi-blog @valencia-rou @amysangel @furiousbooklover @phoenixgurl030 @imnotsiriusyouare @i-am-infinite
#azriel x oc#azriel x reader#azriel x female!reader#elain x azriel#azriel shadowsinger#azriel acotar#acotar series#acotar x reader
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#1 Astrology Observations
If you have Sun, Moon, Venus, Lilith, or Pluto with Chiron in synastry, you both can either really heal each other without even trying (like one person might say the right things at the right time, they have the same life principles or values, they truly understand each other's pain that other people are unable to) or, both parties will trigger each other so much that one person might hate the other person intensely. These triggers are supposed to open opportunities for healing, but if one or both are not ready or too immature, there'll be so much pain and chaos in the relationship.
In my experiences, if you have Sun-North Node synastry, the Sun person can really be the North Node biggest lesson in life. Now this doesn't mean that it's gonna be bad or hurtful, but the Sun person truly embody the characteristics and skills that North Node person really needs to reach stability in their life.
People with heavy air signs in their chart are very individualistic. Like they care, but they don't. The way the share their caring side to you is usually through facts and knowledge. If you have synastry with someone, mostly in air houses or someone with heavy air signs, the way you both bond with each other is usually very cerebral. There needs to be mental connection. Communication is very important to them. They won't bother with trying to read between the lines.
If you have Moon or Venus square Pluto synastry with someone, the Moon will become so emotionally and mentally attached to Pluto person. The Moon will feel the most secure when they are with the Pluto person, but also can sense that there's this danger with Pluto but they can't put their finger on it. The Pluto person will be attracted to this dynamic because it gives them a sense of power, but at the same time this will trigger their biggest fear (it could be betrayals, abandonment, etc) from the Moon or Venus person because, just as much as the Moon or Venus person is attached, the Pluto is attached too. The Moon is soft in their approach, while Pluto is not. This is a little bit like if the Moon is suspicious that Pluto is cheating, and just being quiet about it while they try to find out the truth. While Pluto might demand the Moon to give their phone's password, their social media, etc. The Moon can become elusive, the Pluto can become controlling.
My biggest turn off is Mercury square Mercury in synastry. Truly, in this synastry, both seems to never be able to truly understand each other. In my experience, any form of emotional attachment feels forced. Like one could care about the other person, but at the same time, they always will feel so offended by what the other person said. It feels forced as if both are such two different pieces of puzzle. It's like one person see the other person as aliens. I think people tend to underestimate this aspect in synastry, probably because Mercury isn't exactly a "love" planet. With square Venus, it is merely love languages. But with Mercury, the other person usually don't have the capacity to see or comprehend the other person's worldview, or experiences. One person might stay away from the other as to not argue with them, and the other will see this as abandonment. If one person opens their mouth about anything, they will be dismissed as ignorant. This aspect is very tricky and hard in synastry. Both will just argue a lot.
If you have any Saturn conjunction synastry with someone, somehow the energy of the relationship feels stifling, but it's not the point of it. It feels stifling because Saturn is about self-control and order. I adore this synastry with someone that you are in romantic relationship with, because it's also about devotion and faithfulness. The stifling part can be that you both become so careful of not saying the wrong thing because you can sense how delicate the other person's feelings is, and there's a huge sense of responsibility here, almost as if the other person's feelings or well being is your responsibility too, and vice versa. Saturn conjunct Sun/Moon make the Saturn person feels responsible to the Sun/Moon person, while the Sun/Moon person somehow perceive the Saturn person as someone who is highly respected and experienced.
If you have very little to no aspects (especially conjunction) with someone in synastry (especially in personal planet), it makes it very hard for the both of you to relate to each other's feelings. Even if both of you are generally nice people and treat the other good, it feels like they can't truly understand you, nor you understand them.
People with Saturn and Pluto dominant people usually have a lot of karma. Now this doesn't always means that it's bad, but really be careful of what you do as it will come back to you 10 times more. Saturn and Pluto deals with power and control, but actually mostly it's about self-control and self-empowerment. It's not so much about controlling other people or try to overpower others. If you have Pluto/Saturn aspects with someone and you are the Saturn/Pluto person, try to think about this. It's never about controlling other people or your partner.
People with Uranus in 7th unconsciously trying to find/attract partners who are unstable, be it mentally or financially, etc. It's really awful though because their relationship might effected them mentally so much to the point where they might spiral into depression. If you have this in your natal chart, please pay attention to the reasons as to why you are attracted to your person. I'm not saying that we should not date someone based on their mental health/financial status. But if you know that this person will likely mess with your head or life, please think about this thoroughly. What i noticed is, Uranus in 7th house people really desire to have a beautiful and stable romantic life but unconsciously attracted to people who won't give them exactly that.
If you have Venus in earth houses (2,6,10) people will generally see you as the stable one in relationships, even if you're not, even if you're awkward or inexperienced. It's generally because people see you as someone who's practical in relationships and most likely attract partners who are reliable too.
If you have 11th house synastry with someone and you attracted to them romantically, you guys might started off with friendship first. Or, there is this element of friendship in this relationship. Both of you don't always act romantic but somehow you guys get each other so easily. Like you guys might finish each other's sentences.
Mars in 4th house synastry means when the Mars person gets angry, it'll somehow feel familiar to the 4th house person or vice versa. Like when this person gets angry, it reminds you of when your own parents gets angry and how they act when they are angry. If you are close with your parents, it might means that you can handle their anger easily because you just know that to do.
When you have 8th house in composite or synastry, you will not ever doubt their feelings for you. For example, if you have moon in 8th house, you know damn well that this person loves you and so are they, they know that you love them so much.
If you find yourself so attracted to certain sign so much, check the degree of your Venus sign. For example, if you have Venus in 1 degree, you might find yourself so attracted to Aries.
If you have a lot of 2nd and 8th house conjunction with someone, it can mean that they will spoil you so much and vice versa. It's like an instinct, like they will naturally want to buy you things and so are you.
People always talk about how the sign in your 7th house is your romantic partner, but the 7th house also represent hidden enemies. For example, I have Cancer in my 7th house (Capricorn Rising), and i swear to whatever people finds holy, I cannot stand them no matter how nice i am to them, they are always so suspicious of me and start to talk sh*t behind my back. The only Cancer placement that i can get along with are Cancer Mars and Cancer Rising.
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Sun through the houses: Synastry
Sun in 1st, the sun person makes the house person feel understood. Ive had this aspect with one of my bestfriends. He was my go to person, the first one id call when anything interesting happened. Its easy to share your feelings with the sun person it feels natural. We gave each other more confidence. He acknowledged accomplishments in my life that others didn't. Things that i didn't even give myself credit for he shined a light on. This placement made me act more fearlessly because someone else saw that quality in me.
Sun in 2nd, Stability is a common attraction to this placement. The sun person sees the house person as someone they can depend on. House person can help sun person financially or help develop their interest. Together these two can create great business plans, they work well together towards mutual interest. Others see the couple as very business oriented. I have this placement with one of my brothers both ways and we grew up sharing alot of our things sometimes because he had to other times because we knew that would allow us to both have more. Also i would borrow money from him he's always been a saver. Ive always preferred to exchange money for experiences.
Sun in 3rd, Sun person is very easy to talk to almost like a Therapist or something. Your secrets are spilled easily. The house person naturally wants to share here but it goes both ways the sun person also feels very understood by the house person. There's a mutual openness and grace with this placement. If you were in a long distance relationship this is type of placement that would be beneficial. I have this with a sibling he is the sun person and we have mutual interest so it makes collabing very easy. We tend to naturally operate in the same direction even though we individually don't think that similar.
Sun in 4th, This placement can feel like looking into a mirror. This person is a blatant reflection of some of your own behaviors. On the surface they seem like your ideal partner. Very well received by family. Honesty well received in general they look good together. This placement focuses on healing emotions in yourself that you reject. Its easier to be grateful for the little things with this person. They show you new ways to view the same things. Here you will see the areas where your being naive. They want you to believe in yourself as much as they do.
Sun in 5th, Child like fun happens here. The way the sun person expresses helps the house person not take things so seriously. The sun person is in awe of the house person. Its such a cute placement, The sun person makes the house person feel special. It may not be long term but it shows you how to just be, with no added pressures. Express your love today don't wait type of vibe. You may even talk about having babies here, are you actually serious probably not but this placement loves to feed into fantasies and ideals and that's nice sometimes. Someone i had this placement with would always tell me how beautiful i was even when i was just chilling in pajamas it was cute. Ive also been the sun person and the way the house person handled their problems and stayed so mentally strong was very inspiring to me. It made me want to be less reactive and more of a problem solver. I looked up to their resilience.
Sun in 6th, The house person feels the need to improve because of the sun person. The things that you choose to ignore are brought up here. The energy is like ''deal with it now, no more waiting". The house persons structure and discipline is being improved here. Its often that the house person doesn't want to be seen as lazy by the sun person. Which can be very helpful if you have goals your working towards. Their energy is motivating especially when it comes to business related things. House person doesn't want to disappoint the sun person. Sun person sees the house person as capable of great achievements.
Sun in 7th, Long term friendship or friends turned lovers is the theme in this house. Relationships built here usually started innocently from just being around each other alot. Sometimes the Sun person can have unfair expectations of the house person. Unbalanced relationships is common here one or both people can feel they carry more responsibility and burden. It can feel like at times communication is missed, misinterpretations can always be worked through if both people are willing to listen to understanding and if they are relationships here will go the distance. Both sets of my grandparents had this placement and were married for over 40 years. This could also be person you have a child with and now your bonded to each other even if their wasn't marriage. They feel a sense of home in each other. This couple could like to stay home and do things together.
Sun in 8th, The sun person buries themself into house persons wounds often times wounds they didn't even know they had. Both people are meant to be transformed by the union. If this relationship can make it through the first few initial hurtles which tend to be more dramatic, this relationship will keep you together for a while. The way the sun person expresses can have the house person feeling the need to keep a defense up. The sun person feels the house person is running away from their issues. Sun person is made to feel like the bad guy because their just more comfortable bringing up the hard topics. If the house person is willing to drop their defensiveness and the sun person is willing to be patient and tactful with the house person this relationship would be one of the phoenix rising from the ashes. They would be unbreakable together.
Sun in 9th, This couple inspires each other. Expanding what you thought you knew. Transforming what you thought love was. This is a beautiful placement of people learning a new viewpoint on love and self expression. Sun person expands house persons viewpoints more but this placement goes both ways. Topics that you wouldn't normally talk about gets discussed here. Long term friendships are built through the expansion of the mind. Affection is easily shown here taking trips together would do this couple well and deeper the connection. They want to give to each other and spending money together is one of their favorite things to do. This is honestly one of my favorite placements its mentally and physically expansive.
Sun in 10th, Sun person is proud of house person. They want to show house person off they feel lucky to be with house person. It makes them look good publicly. This couple has a relationship that is centered around fun. They want everyone to see their affection towards each other. This couple is friends first and lovers second. This placement isn't as emotionally deep but it will make you feel important. They want people to know how amazing you are. Its very easy to be yourself and tap into your more child like energies with this placement. This couple shows each other sides of themselves no one else knows about. With that being said they can also be vicious towards one another if this relationship turns sour this couple will have no problem having public disputes. Also this may be a taboo type of relationship were people don't understand why your together or be curious on how the person got with you.
Sun in 11th, I bet this relationship started with lighthearted playful flirting. This is the most "friendly" placement. Intimacy may take more work to develop here. Ive had this placement in a friends with benefits situation. It can easily turn into that if both people aren't intentional about what they’re looking for. If they are, this is a great placement. Communication feels very open and theirs no pressure. This couple merges friend groups and could've also meet through friends or have mutual friends. This couple networks well together and other people are very attracted to their energy together. Its fun to watch them interact with each other. They’re the type to be in a room full of people but have their own sidebar conversation and cues towards one another.
Sun in 12th, Spiritual connection or secret infatuation? My sun is in the 12th house so ive experienced this more times than i would like to but in the same breathe i love it. The sun person unintentionally test who you thought you were. Boundaries become blurred in this house but its slick, you might not even notice until after the fact. Things that you might find embarrassing happen here "thats never happened before" type of things. Alot of the communication in this house goes unsaid. Its like the little social cues that your supposed to just pick up on. It can also feel like your being observed on how you react to situations. You still seem to be mysterious to each other no matter how long you've known each other. Like there's still something being hidden from you. Without trust this placement could easily lead to feelings of being deceived. Thats not to say your not being deceived though. Cheating is common in the 12th house. You could be completely shocked and unaware about your partner living a double life. With the 12th house there's really no planet person, house person dynamic it switches back in fourth. Theres alot of talking behind each others back but that doesn't have to be a bad thing the person could be speaking well about you, putting your name in the right spaces. You know the feeling of walking into a room that people were just talking about you in? Its like you didn't physically hear it but you feel it. Someones sun in your 12th can give that type of feeling for both people. If its not operating from an expansive place. If it is you experience complete devotion. Two people committed to the relationship no matter where its headed. Someone you can experience complete intimacy and vulnerability with. Complete was an unintentional brilliant choice of words here. Not to many can navigate the 12th house and make it out together but if you do... you'll feel you've completed something great and felt a connection sent directly from god.
#astrology#12th house#astrology101#astrologyfacts#8th house#astrologychart#astrologyobservations#astrologyzone#astro notes#synastry#sun synastry
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bad day = bad emotional stability
content: fluff, bf!gojo, +16, he's a bit vulnerable here—in short, kinda like crybaby but who caresss he's literally so bbg, kinda spicy so watch out
"y/n? why aren't you sleeping yet?" a groggy voice interrupts you as your fingers stop typing. you see your boyfriend sitting on your shared bed, rubbing his tired and sleepy eyes.
"i still need to finish my lecture." you answered.
"but you just said that thirty minutes ago," he said with an almost annoyed voice.
"i know, baby. but i promise i'm almost finished, i only need to write three to four paragraphs."
satoru pouted at you. he was getting really needy when he just woke up. when i tell you needy, it's literally and extremely needy!
you saw his face and it made you chuckles. he looks so adorable! with his cheeks puffing, along with his bed hair everywhere. god, you just have been blessed with a clingy boyfriend.
"don't give me that look." you playfully said.
instead of answering, he just turns his back to you and covers himself with a blanket. that's a sign that he's going to give you a cold shoulder. he's gonna ignore you, unless you give him all of your attention. you sigh quietly to yourself before crawling towards him.
satoru felt his side become damp, a warning that his girlfriend was behind him. he could feel the blanket suddenly lifted up. the white haired man gulped — because knowing you — a y/n would always have a trick under her sleeves.
"toru, my baby~" you purred softly into his ear. an amusement grin appeared on your lips as you watched his ears go red.
a brilliant idea also pops into your head. you swipe the hair behind his neck and start to place some small pepper kisses within his sensitive area, his neck. you knew he really loved this kind of intimacy.
you could hear his soft gasp and hidden whimpers escaping from his mouth. smiling in success, you decided to add more tease by letting yourself dig your canines through his skin.
lick, kiss, bite
that same pattern keeps him from drowsiness away. it made his mind become so frazzled that he couldn't contain his overflowing desire anymore.
a full moan finally came out from your boyfriend's mouth. your eyes shot up from the sound that you didn't notice that he finally faced you with a crimson complexity.
"oh? hello, did you enjoy it?" you grin innocently — clearly enjoying his vulnerable state. but satoru paid no attention to your words, rather he just stared at you.
the grin suddenly came to halt as worry appeared to your expression while you furrowed your eyebrows. "hey, are you upset with me?" you asked him softly.
you're getting a prediction that he's upset with you because you promised him that the two of you will cuddle tonight. and yet, you failed to do so because of schoolworks.
"baby?" you called out to him.
the boy sighs quietly. and instead of answering, satoru just planted his face over your chest as he shook his head, indicating that he was not angry or upset with you. a breath of relief exits from your lips, planting a soft kiss on his head as an affection.
"toru, is there something bothering you? can you tell me what it is?" you cup his cheeks gently to make him look over you.
he sighed. "it was nothing."
you both knew it was a lie. the two of you have known each other for almost five years. so this kind of behavior was nothing unfamiliar to you.
satoru has a habit of keeping things all by himself. knowing that he had this kind of mentality that he's the strongest, he shouldn't look weak. that is why you've been very patient and understanding towards him even more. you would always wait for him to open up at you. hell, you often force him to speak.
so without a warning, you carefully lean into his face and place a soft kiss over his lips. since satoru has been so dewy-eyed, you decided to take the lead by inserting your tongue inside him.
a soft and low moan escapes from him as he finally becomes responsive over your kiss. you let yourself smile between the collisions. your boyfriend is a bit shy and soft when it comes to you, that's why you cannot surpass the urge of protecting him too at all cost.
"i love you, toru. you know i'll always be your solace amongst labyrinths."
his breath hitch. and finally, the emotion he's been building up has now collapsed like a house of cards. you watch him break down in front of you. satoru buried his head again deeper on your chest as he weeps.
while you — being a worried and loving girlfriend — you stroke his head while whispering a lot of comforting words to ease his hurt emotional state. your baby has been so strong, and now it is time for him to release all of his unsaid thoughts.
"i'm so fed up with the shitty higher ups." he trailed off. your eyes unknowingly brightens, he's finally opening up to you.
"hmm? did they do or say anything to you again?" you asked with an extra careful voice. because this topic can be sensitive for him, it involves all of his hatred and some of his trauma.
"you could say that… they kept on nagging me about my student's execution. it really irritates me." as he spoke, your hand was still on his head to give him a sense of comfort.
"everytime i would meet up with the higher ups, i felt so powerless to them even though i am labeled as the strongest. they kept on bringing him — bringing you.." he continued. you could feel his fist tight within your shirt he's clinging on.
him? he is talking about geto suguru, right?
"y/n, i hate them so much!" a single angry tear fell from his face, and then followed by another.
you constantly wipe the salty tears from his face. "shh~ i know, baby, i know. but you have to calm yourself first, or else you're gonna have a panic attack — that's even worse."
now your shirt is wet because of his tears, which you don't mind. you're more worried about his state of mind. his mind is hard to dive in. you never know what's going on his fragile mind.
"but you know what, y/n..."
"i am so grateful that i have you. now, i can cope up with everyday scenarios or i can conquer those worst moments because you, alone, gave me much more than that." his words melt your heart. it was not rare for satoru to say these kinds of words to you, but due to his past circumstances, satoru was having a hard time expressing himself at some point.
one, because he, himself, has never received such a genuine love one before and two, because of his playful demure. so it is something new to you. such simple words matter for both of you, for you two represent each other.
"y/n, i love you. i love you so much."
"i love you too, satoru. you are my everything ."
and thus, the two dreams got caught in one dreamcatcher. their loud heartbeats are so vivid that they labeled it as one, one heart for two individual lovers.
©luvvixu2023
#gojo satoru x y/n#gojo satoru x you#gojo x reader#gojo satoru#jjk gojo#luvvixu#fanfic#fluff#jjk satoru#anime#jujutsu kaisen#gojo satoru x reader
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give me your favorite marauders head cannons i need it heres mine
regulus’s hair was a lot like narcissa’s when he was younger when he was a boy he had blonde streaks in his hair, but when he was about 11 his hair went all black.
regulus has a grey eye and a blue eye
he’s autistic, but hides it
trans regulus has been roaming my mind and i love it.
james is latino and a really good cook curtsey of mama effie
when he’s angry he yells in spanish and only when he calms down you can understand him
james carries tampons/pads for regulus so he can just grab the bag and regulus can get it without asking.
james has adhd and anxiety, but with those it’s more physical actions like fiddling with a pen or wand and talking fast.
i love the head cannon of deaf remus tbh it’s really interesting to think about.
he is diagnosed as disabled so he has to use a cain everywhere because back problems and he gives out every once in awhile making him fall.
remus get’s grey hair early, but it’s not full out it’s like streaks.
remus has bpd and sirius and his friends make sure he takes his meds and knows his body language to help because he gets into fights easily.
sirius plays the drums to get his emotions stabilized and he always has his drum sticks on him to fiddle around.
to go with the deaf remus to get to know him more he learned sign language and always speaks up for him because remus is mute most of the time.
whether i get hate for this one idc i see him as genderfluid, but it’s more of subtle looks and like his actual face that makes him look it because it gives off a little confusion because his face is just both feminine and masculine and how he presents himself too.
demisexual sirius. yes you can thank crimson rivers for that one.
peter likes photography and likes to capture the world and the people he loves on film
his love language is definitely quality time to me and like he just silently does things for people
i feel like him and regulus could get along well as well
let me know if you want my headcannons for the girls! or just more in general
#marauders#ao3 author#jegulus#wolfstar#james potter#regulus black#remus lupin#marauders era#marauders fandom#dead gay witches#dead gay wizards#peter pettigrew#headcanon
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About Your Future Potential Partner!🌹❤️
Pick A Pile Reading
~valentine's special ✨
(Left to Right - Pile 1, Pile 2, Pile 3)
Hello, Senstea Souls! 🌹
Thank you for the love you gave to my last blog! I am so grateful for all the reblogs!✨
Now, this reading is about your future potential partner.
This reading is purely based on your current energy. So the partner that comes out is based on your current energy/life situation.
Valentine's day is coming and if you wish to attract the right kind of love then book “finding true love reading” only at $10. Below I am sharing the links:
💌Booking Form|My Rate Card|Tip My Blog💌
Pile 1
Tarot Cards- 10 of cups, The Wheel of Fortune, 3 of Cups, 4 of Wands, 10 of Pentacles, Judgement, 5 of Wands
Hello, my beautiful, pile 1. I literally have tears in my eyes right now! I AM FEELING SO SO SO HAPPY FOR YOU! What I am about to say might feel unbelievable to you too. I just saw 10 of cups I was like wow. And then I saw 10 of pentacles and there was another wow. And then I read in a card, “You're very close to achieving your goals!” And currently, I hear, “I have waited long enough to finally say ‘I do’.....I swear I always knew. It's always been you!” There are other favorable cards too in this pile. So I see one thing very clearly an old relationship or a situation where you already knew this person is being renewed!!!!! My God! And I'll tell you why I had tears in my eyes. It's because I feel you had no hope. For you, it was over. Some of you even felt like or still feel that you have been on a waiting period for a very very very long time now. And even if it hasn't been that long it did feel that way. This person is going to bring the world to your feet. They will be looking for stability and something long-term. You've been in this period of recovery and finding yourself. I see rebirth! Wheels will be turning again and this time will bring a book into your love life. You'll finally have this partner for the long term. The only thing that I feel may stop you is the thought of the past because I see that things didn't go so well with this person in the past. You have so many doubts. You aren't capable of trusting them again. 10s and 20s may be significant. Everything will fall in place with this person again at divine timing. (If any of you guys' relationship has been toxic and you don't want them back in your life then this is not your pile my dear. I suggest you to choose another one.) For some of you, I also see that in the past there was third-party involvement and insecurities from one or both ends. Now let's talk about this person. Though I don't think that I have to tell you about who they are still I'll tell you about their intentions. They are looking for a family with you. They see both of you as an end game. I also sense that they are very emotional. I also sense that they are hardworking and care a lot about financial stability. If nothing's happening right now then know that they are exhausted with their life. But when their true nature is quite playful. I think they are going through something challenging right now and are trying to resolve some things in their personal lives. You're being advised to not think too much and surrender this situation to God. Energetically you need to let go of something from the past to let something new enter. I also hear, “They didn't even put up a fight. They didn't even make a sound. I found a way to let you in but I never really had doubt. Standing in the light of Halo I got my angel now.” You're just not supposed to do anything about this situation. Just focus on yourself. That's what the universe wants you to do. Don't even stay in the waiting energy. Just surrender! Book a reading with me if you want to manifest your true love. The reading is only for $10.
Pile 2
Tarot Cards- The Devil, Knight of Swords, Queen of Swords, 2 of Wands, Page of Pentacles, Knight of Pentacles
The first thing I heard was that your future potential partner is not going to make you wait at all!!!! They are going to be so assertive and will follow you like crazy. Don't worry they won't stalk you, haha! They will have pure intentions! But I see they love to talk and love to say things out loud. They will be the kind of person who is always up to something. They will just see you and they will know that you are their person. You will travel with them a lot. They will be someone who takes no pride in going after what they want. They won't be egoistic at all. They can be quite blunt or brutally honest at times. But as quick they will be it will take a lot of time for them to finally have you. Their manifestations take time to come to fruition. They are someone who will have big dreams! They will be quick learners and will have a lot to talk about. They may also be drawn towards spirituality or their path will take them that road. I also sense that they will be someone who is always outdoors, enjoying life. They are so so so outspoken! Their talk will just blow your mind and your heart will race listening about their wonderland. I also hear a message from them, “If we go down then we go down together! We'll get away with everything let's show them we are better.” So I also sense that they won't want anything casual with you. Everyone will know about you and them. Participating in their wildest fantasies might scare you off or put you off guard. I also sense that deep down they have this fear of being left alone. That no one will ever join them in their crazy ideas. They won't be delusional. They will be someone who wants different things compared to the crowd. And it will be a quite transforming journey for you if you join them and I don't think you'll regret it. Their view of the world will be quite different. Though they will be fond of the sun there's a sun burning within them that lights up any room they enter. The challenge for you will also be to understand their wounds because that is what will make you irreplaceable in their lives. I also hear from them, “Nobody ever knows. Nobody ever sees. I left my soul back then and now I am too weak.” Their past relationships were too damaging for them. They can be someone with abandonment wounds. But I see they'll work through all their wounds they just need genuine connections. Because deep down they hold a lot of past wounds and they know what losing people truly means. Nevertheless, they will be a full package of love and light. Book a reading with me to manifest your person. The reading is only for $10.
Pile 3
Tarot Cards- Ace of Wands, Page of Wands, 6 of Cups, Ace of Cups, The Devil, The High Priestess, Wheel of Fortune
Hello, my beautiful pile 3. Silence by Marsmello is your future person's vibe. They will have strong water placement. They are so stuck in their past! They just hold onto what happened to them and only reveal bits and crumbs of their life. They will also have trust issues. I hear from them, “How do I love? How do I love again? How do I trust? How do I trust again? I stay up all night. Tell me I am alright...Every night I am dancing with your ghost.” For some of you, I also sense that this is someone who knows from your past. This future person can be a past life partner too. (If you were attracted to pile 1, do read it. I think it may have a message for you.) This person will look for escape rather than facing their wounds. They will be someone deeply wounded. A wild panther who has been hurt by many people. They can also be an overthinker. They'll be overflowing with emotions but won't know where to navigate them and how to express them. Some days they may burst out with sentimental words and then the other days they may just waste overthinking about every action of yours and theirs. Honestly, they'll be too naive when it comes to love. They will be so lonely and maybe someone who would give in to temptations or will just put themselves into lots and lots of work so that they can run away from their true emotions. You should be cautious dealing with this person, pile 3. There may be parts of yourself that you need to heal to not let this toxicity consume you. Because for some of you, I see that you may end up talking to them because they will be someone from the past, someone who was dear to you. No matter what their experience has been nobody deserves to take in other people's toxicity. So they can be someone who just pulls back their energy as soon as they see a single sign of danger. I do see major shifts happening in this situation when they enter your life. A lesson that you may need to learn from this person will be surfaced. It's very specific but I see that they can be someone who sings or something about their voice will be very captivating. I feel that you'll be someone who will be a blessing from the universe in their lives. They may or may not recognize it. Choosing you will make their lives better but ghosting you and avoiding you will only mean that they are missing out on a blessing they wished to have when they were at their lowest. What a tragedy! You've got nothing to do. You just be yourself. Walk away immediately when you're not valued. Keep yourself elated. You are the light that the world needs perhaps that will be your role in their lives. Wish them well but never let yourself down. Honestly, your light will trigger them because they would have been in darkness for such a long time. Just a warning, that they will change their mind often and you're not supposed to keep getting into on-and-off situations with them. Be very clear while communicating. They may even self-sabotage (already warning you). But it's okay. At least you'll know your answer and walk away. To attract the right kind of connection either through this same person or from someone else book “Finding True Love” reading with me only at $10.
#valentines special#pick a pile reading#pick a picture#tarot reading#pick a pile#free tarot reading#love reading#love tarot free#love tarot reading#your person#manifest love#tarot readings#tarot reader#tarot cards#tarotblr#tarotcommunity#message for the collective
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when he’s in a bad mood all he needs is you.
a/n: this was inspired by my minho post bc i’m a self indulgent mess
coming home to seungmin crying quietly on your couch was a surprise. he’s curled up tight, trying to take up the least amount of space as possible and stifling his huffs of breath into his fist to stay silent and your heart breaks for him.
he’s always been the strongest in your person you know. he’s the most level-headed, the first one to solve problems and act diplomatically and always able to compartmentalize his own emotions. the first to offer silent comfort and stability to those around him. he rarely ever let anyone see him shed a single tear, let alone several, and you’re almost at a loss of what to do before you shake yourself out of it. seungmin needs you.
you toe your shoes off as silently as possible before padding over to where he’s curled up. your hand drifts to his back, rubbing a few slow circles there before you climb behind him and wrap yourself around his body. you know him well enough by now that giving him a grounding touch is what he needs, even if he has a hard time asking for it. you used to hesitate, hands hovering over him like you didn’t know if they were welcome. now, your arms curl around his stomach with confidence. your heart lurches every time you feel his muscles contract with the cries he’s poorly holding back. his hands move to clutch at yours, his nails digging into your skin a bit, but you don’t mind. you would rather he let it out if that helps him, and it doesn’t hurt as much as it stings. his breath is coming out in uneven bursts, and he barely gets more in before it’s rushing out in a choked huff.
“breathe, sweetheart,” you say, keeping your voice honeyed and soft, your mouth close to his ear.
“can’t-” he starts, gulping down air like it’s water. “don’t know what to do.”
“let it out. don’t hold it in,” you soothe, squeezing his hands back. he turns a bit in your hold, keeping both of your hands gripped in his, and presses his face into your chest. you keep your breaths slow and steady, coaxing him to time his breaths to yours.
it takes a few minutes but he calms down, his grip on your hands loosening as his body relaxes against you. he’s slumped into you now, boneless and tired.
“i’m sorry,” he croaks, keeping his face buried to hide his tear streaked cheeks.
“you have nothing to be sorry for.” you say, your emotions bubbling up inside of you. “this is what i am here for. for the happy and the sad moments, okay? you’re not a burden, not to me.”
he hums into your shirt, letting go of your hands to wrap his arms around you.
“do you want to talk about it?” you ask, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.
“no,” his muffled voice sounds from beneath you. “just, hold me for a bit?”
“always.”
—
soft hours
#stray kids imagines#stray kids fluff#skz fluff#seungmin fluff#seungmin imagines#seungmin x y/n#seungmin x reader#stray kids x y/n#soft#stray kids soft thoughts#stray kids soft hours
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Love Is... (Sanji x GN!Reader)
Rating: SFW
Word Count: ~1.9k
Summary: (Requested) Sanji thinks he knows what love is. It's love, after all, and surely he cannot be in love with you, his best friend? Especially not when he has a date already…
Notes: GN!Reader, misunderstanding, angst to fluff, seemingly one-sided but it's basically just denial, Sanji being dense and clueless. Featuring a headcanon of mine where I had an idea that Sanji actually is just super calm whenever he's truly in love with a person. Sanji's date is also GN but not named or described.
You can read this on my AO3 here!
Sanji is always open and honest about his feelings. He wears his heart on his sleeves, as a truly passionate man and self-proclaimed gentleman would. No matter the time or weather, Sanji’s feelings will be clearly shown on his face.
Whenever he sees Robin and Nami, his eyes are practically blown out while his body is a pile of jelly. Whenever he talks to Zoro, his eyebrows are always furrowed and he raises his voice. Whenever Luffy tries to sneak food from the kitchen at midnight, Sanji smokes about two more cigarettes than usual. He dances when he’s happy, he’s focused when he cooks, and when he’s upset, he burns hotter than the kitchen stove.
Except when he is around you. Sanji is completely calm. Nary a cigarette in his mouth, never a hair out of place, and no wrinkles on his skin from his emotional outbursts.
Completely, utterly calm.
One could mistake this as disinterest or neutrality, but for Sanji, it was the opposite.
Unlike how he felt around the others, you, for some strange reason, always made him feel calm and warm. Not in the way alcohol does, not in the way a cigarette clears his thoughts, and not in the way that pretty people would make him feel on cloud nine.
No, no, no, you just made him feel… free.
He had never felt that sort of feeling with anyone before. Nobody. And it puzzled him greatly. The way he felt about you was so different from anything he had ever known- so he chalked it up to being incredibly comfortable around you. Obviously, this is what best friends felt for each other, right?
Loyalty to Luffy, rivalry with Zoro, fondness for Robin and Nami…
Yes, that must be friendship he felt for you. A true, genuine bond that was closer than anything he’d felt for another.
So that’s what he did, what he thought, and where he kept the relationship at. Sanji didn’t think much (or at least, tried not to) of how, occasionally, your hands would brush up against his, how you’d wear that wonderful fragrance, how your smile was enchanting, how you would make a silly little joke that almost sounded like a flirtation- an invitation for something more.
Oh, but he must have been misunderstanding… after all, he couldn’t have been in love with you, right? Love was meant to be passionate, exciting, thrilling, heart-wrenching, turn-your-insides-to-jelly, consuming your every waking thought! That was love, he supposed.
The way he felt about you was like returning home after a long day of work. Of stability, comfort, warmth, a place to be when the times were tough. It was lovely, but it could not have been the love that supposedly made men start wars or nearly rip their heart out of their chest.
He never would pay much mind to how your eyes were almost always on him. He just valued your company. He loved talking with you, sharing food with you, growing from both of your own struggles and issues over your life.
But he would not notice how you would have that wistful look on your face when his back was turned.
And then it happened one day, he accidentally bumped into someone at the market on one of their many stops. His breath was stolen, his heart racing, his eyes widened as he eagerly presented himself to them.
It was instantaneous, but Sanji, ever the romantic, was swept up in the passion and chemistry. It seemed perfect! Just perfect!
That good mood didn’t go unnoticed by you and the others as he returned to the rooms whistling a tune. He happily shared what went down at the marketplace, and some of the Straw Hats cheered for their cook hitting it off with someone.
They didn’t notice your shocked expression and silence.
The cycle repeated. He’d rendezvous with the market place crush and find himself swept up in the thrill of love.
Why, they were practically perfect together! They liked food- he enjoyed cooking it. They liked the ocean- he sailed all over it.
His excitement over their connection made him come back to you in a hurry, and unlike the enthusiasm he held all day, the minute his eyes met yours, his shoulders relaxed.
“I had a great time today. I think I might have a real chance with them.”
“Oh… I’m glad,” you nod, doing your best to not let your feelings cloud your judgment. “I’m happy for you.”
When you praise him like that, the grin on his face grows wider and he nods.
“Thank you. You… you are always so kind to me. Thank you, for everything. How about I cook you your favorite meal tonight?”
“It’s alright,” you reject quickly. “I’m not that hungry.”
He notices you’re off today and his smile is gone. “Hey, what’s wrong, (Y/n)?”
“Nothing. I’m just not feeling too well. I think I’m going to lay down.”
He respects your feelings plenty, so he nods and wishes you better health while you retreat. He doesn’t hear the muffled sobbing from you in your room.
Another day, another date.
This time, he notices his date does not sparkle like they used to. Strange, he knows, but something is “off” about them today. Oh well, love is never straightforward, so he can brush that feeling aside with some wine.
His heart doesn’t race anymore. The silly jokes they told don’t make him laugh as much.
Ah, perhaps he’s just tired, too?
He ends the date earlier than expected, not going on their usual walk under the stars in favor of returning home.
The Straw Hats are scattered as usual. Luffy is (attempting) to play cards with Usopp and Chopper. Robin is reading off to the side while Zoro fell asleep standing up alongside the railing. Nami is fiddling with a map while Jinbei is pointing at something on it. Franky and Brook are flipping through racy magazines and giggling at the various models within them.
“Where is (Y/n)?” Sanji asks.
“Ah, they’re inside. Said they weren’t feeling too well,” Usopp answers.
“They didn’t even let me look at them,” Chopper pouts, tears forming in his eyes.
Sanji thanks them for their answer and makes his way to your room. He knocks on the door but doesn’t hear a word from inside.
“(Y/n)? Are you alright?” Sanji calls.
“Yeah, just… just let me rest, Sanji,” you weakly reply. You sound miserable, and his heart breaks for you.
“Can I make you something? Anything? Maybe some soup?” He pleads, worry evident in his voice.
“I’m good.”
There’s no argument left, so he steps away and sighs, feeling like he wants to drown himself in his cigarettes.
It’s morning again and Sanji feels a migraine forming. His head is pounding and he groans when he sees the light from his window. But he promised to see them again, so he gets up and does his best to adjust himself. Love is sometimes painful, but it’s a worthy sacrifice.
He greets them when they glide up to him, smiling, but Sanji grimaces as his head throbs harder. He’s a gentleman, a respectful man, so he will not show it.
They talk. They talk. They talk. The words don’t register to Sanji. And for the first time in his life, he feels… nothing. Not a comforting emptiness when one feels relieved of all burdens… but the emptiness one feels when nothing is being satisfied.
They talk, yet they say nothing. None of the words mean anything to Sanji. Are they even speaking the same language? Sanji rubs his head, his vision blurry for a moment before it straightens out.
Nothing.
He feels nothing. There is no spark anymore. It’s just dull, lifeless conversation.
“...... Sanji?”
“Huh? Oh, I’m sorry, what were you saying?” He apologetically asks.
Their voice is like static. Garbled nonsense he can’t decipher.
He keeps trying to concentrate, trying to keep his eyes on them and just make sense of any word they say, but nothing connects.
Love was supposed to be beautiful. Love was supposed to be passionate, all-encompassing, life-changing.
Love wasn’t supposed to be so drab.
What happened to the love they shared before? Was it them? Was it him? Was he doing something wrong? Was he… was he mistaken?
His date is getting confused, staring at him with raised brows.
“Are you even listening?”
“I…” He begins. “I’m sorry. I don’t think this can work out.”
“What?”
“I don’t know,” he tries to speak his feelings. “I wasted your time, dear. That’s my fault. Let me escort you home, at the very least.”
He receives a harsh slap across his face and some obscene words, but he can barely think straight with his aching head. He stumbles back to the ship, wanting to rest when he bumps into something.
“Would you-” he begins angrily, before he notices it’s you. You’re holding a plate of the leftovers he cooked yesterday night, and your eyes are wide, almost afraid, when you look at him.
His eyes meet yours, locked in their beauty as he lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Instantaneously, the migraine, the head pounding, the blurriness, the slap- all of it melts away.
He feels safe and at full health when he sees you. He can’t help but smile at you, making you turn away.
“Sorry. I’ll go-”
“No, no, (Y/n),” the way he says your name, full of life and renewed vigor is too much for you. “Here, let me cook you a new plate. And then, if you don’t mind, would you join me on the deck?”
“But I thought you were out with that person you met?” You ask, and he notices the curious yet hopeful change in your voice.
“Them? Ah, it’s a long story. I… I don’t think they were the one,” Sanji explains, his cheeks turning pink. Finally, after looking at you, the gears in his head clicked and connected in a way they hadn’t before. “No… they never would be. I already have the one I love most with me.”
Your eyes sparkle and your lips curve upwards, showing him the smile he absolutely adored the most.
“You mean that?”
“I do. I do mean that. I just didn’t understand. But seeing you now…” he takes the dish out of your hand and puts it to the side before he wraps his hands in yours. “I know what I truly was looking for.”
The joy on your face was immeasurable, and Sanji felt the thoughts in his head leave. There was nothing inside except that warm feeling he got whenever you were around.
Perhaps true love was not a hurricane, or a storm, or a raging fire… perhaps it was a warm summer day. A plate of leftover food. Bed head. Migraines. The sound of a calm sea crashing against the shore. The chirping of seagulls around them.
Maybe that was love. Not a feeling of agony and pain, but a gentle yet firm reminder of his existence.
“I’m sorry for being such a fool earlier. I apologize for springing all of this on you, but I-”
“I know. I love you, too,” you cut off his ramblings. His face softens as he laughs at his embarrassing display.
“God, I’m sounding like an idiot right now.”
“Yeah, a bit,” you tease.
“Can I be your idiot?”
“Always.”
#one piece#one piece x reader#one piece oneshots#reader insert#x reader#vinsmoke sanji#sanji x reader#vinsmoke sanji x reader#sanji
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