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xveenusx · 3 months

Text

Wanted

Paring(s): JJ maybank x fem!reader

Summary: in a world where someone had everything, she still got treated like she was nothing. all she wanted was to be wanted.

Authors note: I wanted this piece piece to be as real as possible. It's not simple, its messy. We've all gone back to that one person we know we shouldn't just because being alone seemed worse. Also she gets absolutely railed so that helps. So please be kind to her lmfao.

Rating: smut, 18+, mdni, ANGST

Song rec: making the bed by olivia rodrigo

Part 1: Guilty

Bored.

I was so incredibly bored. I leaned against the built in bar as I watched Topper and Kelce take body shots off some tourists they invited. The loud bass of the music did little to tune out the annoying voice of Amy Culpo, who stood next to me, and rattled on about my mother’s latest line.

“I mean, it’s absolutely stunning.” I know it is. I was there when she designed it. “Any chance you have tickets to her next show?”

Ah, there it was. The brutal truth he reminded me of all those months ago. Every interaction was a strategic move to climbing the next prong on the social ladder. Everyone always wanted something.

I used to fight that notion. I thought I was better than them because I actually cared about other people. My wealth did not define me nor how I treated other people, but despite every effort I made both before and after him, I realized none of it mattered.

I couldn’t escape my wealth. It was permanently engraved into my body and no matter how hard I tried to scrub, it wouldn’t go away. I’ve now fully embraced that ugly truth and decided that I might as well use it to my advantage. I almost always had something that others wanted and I just had to figure out what they were willing to give. I didn’t need any more money, but there were things that were far more valuable. Favors, tickets to the hottest openings, plane rides. Since everyone already saw me as a spoiled little rich girl, I might as well play the part.

‘Depends. Are those last season MIU MIU?” I asked, tossing a look at the shoes on her feet.

“There from the season before-“ I pulled a face at her words. Before last season? I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing anything last season let alone the season before.

“Oh honey, if those are two seasons old, then I highly doubt you have anything I want.” The shocked look on her face dulled the aching pain that seemed to permanently reside in my chest.

“I can charter a plane-“

I raised my hand to silence her. “You don’t have your own?”

What was she even doing here?

This was a new little project of mine. I tossed away all those societal niceties that did little for me in the end. I still couldn’t get anyone to stay. This was much more fun. You’d be surprised by how much stuff you could get away with if you cut out all the bullshit.

Amy’s cheeks flushed red and maybe once I’d have felt bad or be disgusted by how I was treating her but I was numb. I realized nothing really mattered. Whether I was nice or rude, people all wanted the same things from me. At least this way, I could armor myself.

“There’s my pretty girl.” Warm hands curled around my waist, tugging me against a hard body.

I rolled my eyes. I wasn't his anything, Rafe knew that but he’s always had a flare for the dramatics. Tom Ford’s Noir de Noir filled my nose as I swatted at his hands, hands that I’ve grown quite familiar with.

“You left me.” I shot him a bratty look, one he met head on with a smile. Amy still stood there awkwardly, clearing her throat in an obvious attempt to gain my attention.

I turned around in Rafe’s arms, debating my next move. Almost immediately his chin came to rest on the top of my head while his arms curled around my front.

My eyes shot one last distasteful look at her outfit, before tossing out my arm in the opposite direction. “Shoo.”

She huffed before stomping away but not before shooting me one final glare. A look that would have made me cry before, but now it simply dinged off the impenetrable armor I’ve suited myself with.

“I was hoping it’d build character, but clearly that didn’t work.” I could hear the smile in his words as he pressed a kiss on the top of my head.

“The entire conversation was dull. She didn’t even have a jet, plus her shoes were two seasons ago.” I shuddered in disgust. Could never be me.

Rafe clutched his chest in mock disgust,”Not two seasons.”

I let out a huff, my chest going warm at the teasing glint in his eye.

There was no spark. There were no butterflies. Just familiarity and warmth. It was safe. We both knew what this was and expected nothing more. For now, we were just having fun. Despite the fact that I spent most nights at his place and rarely found myself without him.

I’ve found somewhat of a friend in Rafe. Someone to share the burden of being from a family like ours. He understood me. He enjoyed shiny things just as I did.

We spent a lot of our time going to the mainland because the idea of running into him still sent me to my knees. This was a small island. One that he was spending all his time running around with her instead of me. Rafe never said a word about it, never mentioned his sister or her pogue friends. And for that, maybe I do love him a little.

“You make fun of me now, but you’d still be wearing polo shirts and plaid shorts if it weren’t for me.” My hands smooth down the front of his linen light blue shirt, the first several buttons open paired with some black Gucci slacks and a black belt from Dolce & Gabbana. He no longer looked like a frat douche but a member of upper class society.

The same can’t be said about his friends.

“C’mon. Top and Kelce want us over there.” Rafe grasped my hand and tugged me in the direction of drunken yells. I pursed my lips but trudged behind him. The idea of being thrown up on was less than appealing, but being by myself was even less appealing.

“Hey guys.” Rafe nodded at them, taking a seat on the adjacent couch, a table with all sorts of drugs littered on it in between them.

The pair of them were obliterated, both their pupils blown wide and their speech slurred. That didn’t stop them from tossing me a sloppy grin and shouting a greeting.

The spot next to Rafe was vacant but on the other end was a couple gnawing each other's faces off that had me scrunching my nose up in disgust. He surely didn’t expect me to sit next to that?

He didn’t even bat an eye, instead Rafe patted his lap, tugging at my hand to sit down. “Wanna drink, baby?”

I nodded, deciding to once again indulge. It was better than feeling that stabbing pain that burned in my chest. It was a horrible solution but one that Rafe always supported, in fact he often took part in self-destructing with me. We were done with trying to be perfect for parents who couldn’t give less of a fuck.

A red solo cup with a familiar yellow concoction was waved in front of me. The pungent scent of tequila burned my nose and I shot him a secret smile. Rafe’s blue eyes narrowed in on me, glued on my smile before he shook his head in amusement.

“That’s the kinda night we’re going for?” He asked, his hand slowly gripping my thigh.

“Unless you don’t want to?” I sighed dramatically, pushing his dark blonde strands back from his face, something I knew he loved.

“If I ever say no to that question, feel free to shoot me.”

A giggle escaped my lips as I tapped my cup against his before bringing it to my lips, tilting my head back and zeroing it out.

The tequila left a burning trail down my stomach that I welcomed. It meant I was one step closer to not feeling anything at all.

“Another?” Rafe’s eyes pointed at my now empty cup and I nodded.

Being responsible was so overrated.

Lifting his hand up, almost immediately two younger boys, about 16, appear. Rafe pointed at me, muttering something before the pair nodded and took off.

I raised my eyebrow at him, confused.

He just shrugged, leaning forward to touch the golden pendant that hung from my neck. “I promised them tickets to the Charleston basketball game if they did whatever I said.”

“Why?”

“I was bored,” He hummed in response,”This is new, it’s pretty..”

I smiled back at him, the very picture of nonchalance, before replying,”Thank you. You bought it for me.”

His ocean eyes rested on me, the infatuation clear as day that had my stomach clenching. “Course I did. I have great taste.”

Rafe gave me his card about two months ago, not that I needed it, but he enjoyed taking care of me and I didnt mind. Plus, whenever he made me mad, I made sure to run the bill up, hoping for some type of reaction but it only left him amused.

Nerves gnawed at my stomach at the intense eye contact. Maybe the lines have blurred slightly. Clearing my throat to try and break the tension, I tossed my hair over my shoulder. “Want to see what else you bought me?”

“Enlighten me.”

I flashed him my freshly manicured nails, “What do you think?”

Rafe caught my hand, a half smile painted on his face, and kissed it. “Is that passion pink?”

“It’s actually bubblegum blush.”

“Beautiful, baby. I love it.” His words burned into my chest.

It was hard to describe. His approval had butterflies thrumming in my stomach. Maybe it was because we were stuck in similar situations, but his approval suddenly meant something to me. Being with him meant I wasn’t alone.

“You know we’re right here, right?” Topper's voice cut through the tension and I let out a laugh, relieved to look away.

“Fuck off.” Rafe laughed, regaining his composure as well.

Topper leaned forward holding out a black AMEX for me to take. My eyes paused on the card before shooting him a flat look.

“Are you kidding?”

Topper gave me a blank look, not a thought behind those eyes.

I rolled my eyes and stuck my nose up in mock outrage. “Rafe does it for me.”

The annoyed look on Topper’s face sent a thrill through my body. He was the easiest to rile up and Rafe knew it as he hid his chuckle with a quick cough.

The hand on my bare thigh slowly drew circles, the action almost unconscious, which had my brain blanking. It was a relief to not think. To not remember. To not feel.

“Are your hands broken?”

“No. I’m too pretty.” I shrugged, batting my lashes at him.

Topper openly scowled at me, his eyes dropping to where Rafe’s hands held me tightly. “What happened to the nice little girl who cried about everything?”

“Lay off.” Rafe snipped, leaning forward and snatching the AMEX out of his hand. His movements were quick and precise, with ease that only came with experience.

He separated the coke into three lines, one for me and two for him, just like always.

Bending over, I snorted the line quickly. Turning to hand Rafe the hundred dollar bill, his fingers dust off any remaining powder off my nose, before he bent over and did the same.

I leaned back into Rafe, the mixture of the tequila and the sting of the coke had me feeling sublime. It was a perfect balance. The alcohol got me warm and buzzed while the coke kept me awake and alert, an upper and a downer, a perfect description for every emotion in my body.

“I grew up.”

Topper hummed. “You certainly did.”

For the next hour, my mind never drifted to him. I enjoyed having thoughts that were my own, that didn’t revolve around him. Instead, my thoughts focused on the man below me. Rafe was always touching me. Even more so than usual, his hand never left my body once. If I let go of his hand to reach for my drink, he’s just moved it to my thigh. It was almost possessive which was odd, we didn’t do possessive.

Every couple moments, he’d pause in the middle of a conversation to press small kisses anywhere his lips could reach. It seemed performative, but I just couldn’t prove it.

“You’re thinking too hard.” His hot breath hot against the shell of my ear.

I said nothing for a moment before licking my lips and muttering,”Are you okay? You seem more clingy than usual?”

He just nodded, pulling me to his hard chest, his eyes darting to the side. “I just like having you with me.”

The sentiment was sweet and my heart tugged at his words. But, I couldn’t let go of the feeling that I was missing something. “I like having you with me too.” I allowed myself to give him a sliver of vulnerability, something I’ve avoided like plague, because it was true. He made living just a bit easier.

My head began to spin as I felt the lines of our odd friendship begin to blur. I knew neither of us would admit the sudden shift but it was there. I could tell with each lingering gaze and those secret touches. Maybe there was something here. I just had to give in.

“I’m glad you came to your senses,” He responded, but once again his eyes are not on mine but darting around me.

“What does that have to do with anything?” My voice comes out hushed, hoping it would get him to lower his voice.

My smile from his previous confession dimmed. Nerves slowly began to surface as I tried to read between the lines.

“You do belong with me, at least that's what you scream every night, isn’t that right baby?” He was boasting, loud enough to have his boys give him lame-ass high fives.

The small burst of happiness curdled like old milk in my stomach. I wasn’t a prude, not by a long shot, but I was a private person. Rafe knew this and he was still flaunting our private moments in a way that made me feel dirty.

“Stop talking about me like that.” I said, “What’s gotten into you?”

I felt Rafe go rigid under me. Frowning, I tilted my head back to make sure he was alright but his eyes were glued ahead.

“Rafe, I’m here for my stuff. Where did you say you put it again?”

My head turned and my stomach did a backflip. Sarah stood at the entrance of the room, looking immensely uncomfortable.

John B stood behind her, his big brown puppy-like eyes widened at the sight of me on Rafe’s lap. Or maybe it was because of the coke laid out in front of me?

But wherever he was, JJ wasn’t far behind. John B whispered something in Sarah’s ear, her eyes jumped to me for a split second before returning to his. She nodded and John B made a beeline for the other room.

I let out a choked laugh. I’m sure he was going to report back to his little lap dog. What were they even doing here in the first place? It’s not like Rafe knew-

My brain clicked into place. The constant need to touch me and the over the top PDA was because he was here. Rafe knew he was here and wanted to rub it in his face.

Rafe’s words were never for me. They were for him.

None of this was real. Not the endearing names, not the proclamations of affection. An ice bucket of realization poured over me and I felt like a fool. A fool for thinking that somebody else could want me, could maybe even love me.

Fuck this. Fuck both of them.

“You knew.” I accused, shoving his hands off of my body.

Rafe said nothing, but the flicker in his eyes gave him away. I wasn’t safe with him either. Embarrassment oozed into me, the feeling painstakingly familiar. We agreed to never make each other feel this way since our parents did it enough, but he did it to me.

Don’t think. Don’t feel.

Snatching the cup out of his hand, I forced it down, gulp by gulp, wincing at the burn. Straight tequila. “Babe-“

“Shut up.” I hissed, moving off his lap and shoving Topper to move over. Everyone always wanted something from me.

They never just wanted me.

Maybe I was defective. I had to be.

JJ didn’t love me when I was me. When I cared about other people and sacrificed pieces of my happiness for them.

Rafe didn’t love me now. When I was a spoiled brat who treated everyone like a transaction.

It didn’t matter if I was nice or a total raging bitch. Either way, I couldn't get anyone to love me.

I was just the stepping stone they used before they found the person they really wanted to be with. I was just there to make them feel good about themselves. For them to take and take just to toss me aside when they were done. Leaving me a shell of a person with no one, not even myself.

I guess, I was impossible to love.

“Line it up, Topper.”

“Can I at least get a please?”

“Be lucky that I’m even talking to you.”

Topper scoffed but did what I asked, lining up two lines of chalky white powder. “There you go, princess:”

A rolled hundred dollar bill was held out in front of me. Plucking it out of his fingers. I bent over the table. Don’t think. Don’t feel.

Dragging the cylinder bill down the crystal snow powder I’ve grown to love, I inhaled deeply. The chemicals flowing through the nose. I could practically feel the coke dissolving into my bloodstream, my body vibrating in response.

Dropping the bill on the table, I tilt my head back, begging my brain to shut off. I closed my eyes and chose to focus on the beat of the music that had my heart thrumming in my chest.

Then it happened.

All the air in the room was sucked up. The hair behind my neck stood up and my body suddenly awakened in a way it hadn’t in months.

My body recognized him before my brain did. The moment I opened my eyes, his eyes clashed with mine.

JJ.

It was like seeing him for the first time, a memory I thought I would never get the chance to feel again.

Heavy set blonde brows framed his bright blue eyes beautifully, the strong cut jaw that was currently clenched, and his lips soft and pouty, tightly pressed in a flat line. This face, his beautiful face, wouldn’t be complete without some mark. A bruise, a soft purple and yellow hue, decorated his cheek bone. His bottom lip busted.

He was so beautiful.

My body reacted before my brain could follow. I stood up quickly, too quickly that the blood rushed to my head and the room seemed to spin.

God, he was beautiful. And I fucking hated him for it. He was supposed to be like me, a complete and total mess, but instead, he looked the same, even better actually.

That thought alone had me ready to jump off the balcony.

My movements were clumsy and I drunkenly stumbled while standing still, his eyes clocking that in seconds.

Despite the loud music, I noticed the silence coming from the couch.

My eyes jumped to Rafe. All the laughter around us died off and everyone was exchanging nervous looks. It didn’t take a genius to read the room and the situation I’ve somehow managed to put myself in.

Blue eyes flickered between the two of us. It cracked my chest open wide and opened the floodgates I’ve been trying so hard to keep closed.

The crushing inescapable weight of shame hit me first. I was plastered, obviously so, and high as a kite. The evidence of what I’d been doing displayed out in front of me like a flashing sign. And I was fucking the one guy he hated.

It was unreasonable, I know. He left me and even pushed me in the direction of the one guy he hated and yet, I was the one feeling bad. He hasn’t even opened his mouth yet and it’s been turned onto me. But love never makes sense. It made the most sane people lose every coherent thought, I was the prime example.

“You should probably go, bro.” Rafe said, his tone was anything but.

He moved from his spot on the couch and stopped beside me. Rafe shoved a hand in one pocket while the other reached for mine, but I folded my arms across my chest. Mostly because I was mad at him, but a part of me didn’t want JJ seeing that.

JJ didn’t spare him a second glance.

He had on a dark blue short sleeve button down shirt with black cargos and chunky black boots on his feet. A backwards red hat settled nicely on the blonde mass of wavy hair and his shark necklace hanging against the exposed part of his chest.

It was so JJ. All of it, right down to the colorful bracelets that littered his wrists.

A hand grasped my chin and tilted up. I held my breath. His fingers slid along my jaw and he rubbed his thumb over the skin. His eyes felt like lasers, honing in on every detail of my face.

I swallowed audibly. JJ leaned in closer, bringing his height down to mine. His thumb brushed a soft stroke below my nose while his lips brushed against my ear.

“You had a little something on your nose.”

JJ let go of my face, his expression hard. Then he brushed past me, leaving a gaping wound in his wake.

Tears burned behind my closed eyes. He didn’t need to say it because I already knew what he was thinking. Sure, JJ smoked some weed but he never touched any of the hard stuff, not wanting to pick up the same habits as his dad. Hard drugs were a hard limit for him and he found me snorting several lines of it.

I went and became the very thing he hated, just like he wanted. It didn’t feel as satisfying as I thought it would. Instead, I felt like I lost another piece of myself.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I said to Rafe, finally gathering the courage to open my eyes.

He shuffled beside me. “Him being here wasn’t going to change anything.”

We both knew that was a lie.

“It’s him, Rafe. It changes everything for me.”

Rafe scoffed and shook his head. “You’re really going to try and go back to that?”

“I’m not saying that-” I spluttered out, outraged as his voice continued to carry across the room.

“He didn’t want you.”

People around us began to whisper, their heads huddled together with their phones out. Wet hot tears threatened to fall as the control I took months to master began to unravel.

“Yeah, well you don’t either.”

“What the hell are you talking about? Before he got here, everything was perfect.”

“I’m not stupid. You think I didn’t notice what you were doing? That wasn’t for us, that was for him.”

“I didn't mean for you to think I was using you-“

I gripped his chin, and pulled his face down to my height, my eyes brimming with angry tears. “You don’t use me. I use you.” I shoved his face back, needing to collect my composure.

Everyone’s eyes were on us and I was desperate to save face. It was the only thing I had left.

“Get the fucking picture?”

“Crystal clear.” He responded through gritted teeth, his eyes hard.

“If you want a whore, go buy one.”

Rafe cleared his throat, his face iced over. “I thought that’s what I was already doing.”

I stood there for a moment, not understanding what I did to deserve to be treated like this by not one man but two. I felt like an idiot. Like the stupidest fucking person on this god forsaken planet.

Two hours ago, I thought that maybe Rafe had feelings for me and played with the idea of exploring that with him. And now, I was a gold digging whore.

I felt another piece of my heart break off, mourning the loss of the only friendship I really had.

Pressing my hair down with my hands, I look down to fix my dress, swallowing as I went, hoping to pull myself together and buy some time.

“I’m glad to hear how little you think of me.” I sent him a sad smile,” I guess I’m keeping up with everyone’s expectations.”

I stepped around him, heading to the direction of the bar, the adrenaline from all the excitement having effectively killed my buzz.

Staring at the bottles of liquor on the counter had me frowning, all being some bottom shelf brand I’ve never heard of. I moved around the bar to the cabinets behind it, looking for the good tequila. It was the least Rafe could do seeing as though he just blew up whatever the fuck we were doing.

Spotting the only tequila I drank, I grabbed the entire handle. Twisting the top off, I tossed it aside carelessly before taking a healthy swig. Then another. And another.

I stumbled into another room, shoving people out of my way. I ignored the angry shouts because I was way past the point of caring. I just-I just wanted to see him.

As if someone heard my thoughts, I spotted JJ leaning against a wall with a lit joint dangled between his fingers and a beer in the other.

He had so much charisma, it demanded the attention of the room. People gravitated towards him all the time but he refused to see himself that way.

Even now, he stood surrounded by several people, including a girl who was too close for my liking, and they were hanging onto every word. All of their bodies angled towards him, nodding along. The people around them curiously moving in to hear more of the story that had so many of them laughing.

It was almost ironic. It was the point I was trying to prove all those months ago. Kooks vs. Pouges was bullshit. Because, right now JJ is telling a story to a bunch of Kooks who were eating it right up. Neither parties cared about their status, they just wanted to socialize and have fun.

Why couldn’t he see that?

The organ in my chest began to flutter, the butterflies erupting in my stomach at his nearness. Panic began to set in. I thought I’d pushed it all down.

All it took was seeing him. Just once. For the last couple months of progress to be thrown out the window. I made sure to not feel anything anymore, because the alternative destroyed me. And yet, there he stood, looking like every dream I’ve ever had, and completely disarming my very being with one look.

I never wanted to feel that way again. My heart was open and my soul was bared, but I was naive. I thought love was supposed to be empowering. But really, it was poison. It slowly entered your bloodstream, coating every vein before slowly taking over every organ. It leaked into your brain and made you lose all common sense. The poison tricked you into thinking that certain treatment was okay because at least they were here. At least, they still wanted to be with you because they love you, right?

But eventually, like all things lacking an antidote, it began to cut off your oxygen. It curled around your lungs and squeezed until you gasped for breath with tears staining your face. It didn’t matter how much you screamed and shouted, nothing came out. The last organ it takes over is your heart. That silly little organ who was so trusting begins to pump faster, desperately trying to get that oxygen to your brain, because maybe then you’ll finally be able to think clearly. But in the end, it slows down. Each pump is slower than the last until finally it comes to a stop. The heart broke.

It’s the closest thing to dying I’ve ever experienced.

It was like drowning on dry land.

His words did not leave me dented, but destroyed.

I lost my sense of myself. I lost my identity. I put on a performance every time I left my house, wanting to see just how far I could get away with treating people the same way they treat me.

At first it didn’t feel good, but now I didn’t feel anything at all. Or so I thought until I saw him again. And I just want to see that he was doing okay and maybe, if I can admit it, to see if he still loved me, however little that may be.

I watched from my spot on the other side of the room as the crowd began to disperse, leaving JJ with some blonde. I vaguely recognized her from a shoot for one of my mom’s brands. I believe her parents worked in the fashion industry as well. Which would have been fine, had she not said something that had him give her one of those rare smiles, the ones he used to give me in private.

Nausea roiled in my stomach, maybe it was all the tequila or maybe it was seeing him smile at someone else when all I wanted was for him to smile at me.

She leaned into him, a coy smile played her lips, running her fingers down the shirt I bought him, which basically made it mine. And I hated when people touched my things.

The mix of tequila and coke emboldened me. I found my feet moving in their direction before I could stop myself.

“I wouldn't waste your time.” I could not get myself to stop talking.

“Why’s that?” The blonde’s eyes narrowed, her cheaply manicured hand resting on JJ’s bicep.

“JJ doesn’t go for kooks or so I’ve been told.”

“Maybe he just didn’t go for you.” Oh, how cute.

“Oh honey,” I sighed dramatically and took one step towards her, tilting my head to the side, dragging my eyes up her body, in obvious distaste. “Are you new here?”

“Well, yeah but-“ She tried to explain.

Clearly, she needed a run through on how the social ladder worked here. I was at the top and everyone else was at the bottom.

“Your mom works for some brand from Paris right?” I watched as her eyebrows pulled together in confusion.

“She does. We moved here because she’s doing a collab with-“

“With my mom.”

“So I suggest you take your hand off of him,” I smiled on cue, my tone dipped in sugar before batting my eyelashes at her innocently,” Unless you want her blacklisted?”

I could see her debating what to do. She didn’t know if I was bluffing but she'd learn rather quickly just how far I was willing to go.

“Hmm, cute shoes.” I hummed, “Chanel?”

She nodded, apprehension on her face.

“Won’t be able to buy those anymore if your mom doesn’t have a job.”

Her hand fell and satisfaction settled into my like molten lava. “You can go now.”

The blonde pursed her lips and stalked off, leaving me alone with JJ. “Trying a new type”

“And what type would that be?”

“Desperate.”

JJ tipped his mouth, saluting me before taking a sip of his drink. His eyes already glazed over from the joint in his hand.

“A thank you would be nice?” I muttered, taking another pull from my tequila. I couldn’t talk to him sober or I’d lose my nerve.

“A thank you?” He appeared almost amused, adjusting his red hat.

“Yeah, I just saved you.”

“I didn't realize I needed saving.”

“Self-preservation was never really your strong suit was it?”

JJ laughed, his eyes straying to the bottle cradled in my arms. “I could say the same thing, Princess.”

Fuck him for calling me that. So what, I’ve learned to indulge just a little. It made everything in my life a little more manageable.

“It’s called having fun, JJ.” Pouting as he snatched the bottle from arms just as I went to take another shot. “Since when did you become the responsible one?”

JJ leveled me with an unamused stare.

I huffed, blowing a stray strand of hair out of my face. “Tough crowd.”

JJ snorted, pushing the leaves of a nearby plant back before dumping the remaining tequila. My mouth dropped open as he wasted every last drop of my liquid courage.

How the hell was I going to talk to him now?

I pursed my lips, “That was mean.”

“I’m doing what your boyfriend should have done an hour ago.” His gaze fixed on my face, the intense stare causing my cheeks to turn red. God, would he stop staring at me?

“He doesn’t tell me what to do.”

“Then he shouldn’t have left you alone.” His tone laced with annoyance, “You have all these fuckers staring at you and you’re wasted.”

I tilted my head back to stare up at him, the annoyance I knew came from a place of panic. That was just how JJ was wired.

“So you’re in love with me?” Someone come arrest me, because I cannot keep my mouth closed.

JJ shook his head clearly fighting back a smile. “You’re so crazy.”

“What else could that mean?” I asked truthfully and I knew I had a love struck smile on my face. One that I’ve only given to one man in my life and he stood in front of me.

I just wanted to be near him. I wanted to hear his laugh and see him smile.

His face softened at my words. “Are you okay? Does he take care of you?”

“Of course, I’m okay. Why do you ask?”

“Only one of us is fucking loaded.”

I rolled my eyes and plucked the joint from his fingers. “Correct me if I’m wrong, and we both know I rarely am, are you not high too?”

“Not from cocaine.”

“Already back to judging so soon?” I mused, taking a hit off the joint, the familiar stinging sensation wrapped around my lungs and squeezed. “Careful, I might think you care.”

Kill me now. Thank god, he took away the tequila.

“Who said I ever stopped?” My heart lurched in my throat.

I blew the smoke out slowly, my fogged up brain rushing to keep up with his words.

Someone stumbled in front of me, slamming into my shoulder sending me flying forward into JJ’s arms. Something cold and wet splattered onto me, the bitter liquid dripping down my legs.

“Are you blind?” I shouted, shoving another drunk party goer off me. Looked like a tourist.

She held her hands up in apology.

“I’m so sorry. Here, let me help.” To my absolute horror, this fucking tourist used a napkin and went to scrub the stain. Are these people animals? This was custom versace.

“Stop!” My cheeks flushed, from the weed or from my constant streak of bad luck. “Clearly, you’ve never owned anything worth keeping but this is Versace, you dick.”

I needed to go home before I burned this entire house down.

“Is that how you talk to people now?”

I let out a loud groan. “Oh fuck off, JJ.”

I shoved him away from me, before grabbing the skirt of my dress and heading into the nearest bathroom, which just so happened to be Rafe’s.

In reality, I just needed to get away from him. I needed my hands to be busy so that I couldn't grab his face and kiss him. Because I really wanted to do that.

The sound of footsteps have my eyes widening in panic as I take in my ruined dress. All because of that blonde asshole next to me, if he hadn’t showed up, I’d still have my tequila and my sanity.

“I wanted to talk.”

I made a noise at the back of my throat. That didn’t sound like JJ at all.

“Fine, whatever. Close the door.” I didn’t need a million other people to see me lose my shit. I was already at my quota for the day.

Jj stared at me with a confused look. “Close the door.” I nearly shout as the footsteps get closer but he moves just as quickly and slammed it shut, putting the lock in place.

“I just got this piece too.” I grumbled, huffing at the stained skirt. It was the Medusa 95’ Cut Out Mini dress in a stunning pastel pink. And now ruined with a beer stain from that horrible girl outside.

“I remember this one.” JJ spoke from behind me. Of course he did. He remembered everything I bought.

He always demanded fashion shows after all my shopping trips. He knew nothing about clothes but he always paid attention to me. He used to sit for hours while I prattled on and on about clothes.

“Unzip me?”

“I’m sorry?” He choked out, setting his beer down.

“I need to clean it before it stains. Unzip me.”

In hindsight, I was goading him. I wanted to see what he would do. I could tell he was already on edge since seeing me with Rafe. I wondered what a little push would do.

Neither of us moved for a beat. JJ puffed out a breath from his cheeks before he walked toward me slowly. I remained stock still, watching his every move in the mirror. “It’s not like you haven’t seen it all before.”

My heart fluttered at his nearness. Something I wanted since the minute he turned around and left. Home, I wanted my home back.

I jumped up at the feel of his warm breath against the back of my neck, goosebumps rising instantly. The tug of the zipper had me swallowing the lump in my throat. His other finger caressing every inch of skin, the zipper surrendered.

The sound of the zipper stopped but he never dropped his hand. Instead, I watched as JJ swallowed before lifting his head, those storming blue eyes connecting with mine in the mirror.

I stood on my Magda Butrym Appliquéd satin sandals and a flimsy pair of tiny panties.

“I feel like this is a test.” I watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed.

“Is it?” I mused, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

“Yeah and I’m failing.”

The pads of his thumb brushed along my bottom lip, dragging it down slowly. My lips parted as a soft whimper escaped.

“You’re still so beautiful, it hurts.” He murmured, almost angry with the revelation.

Blistering hot satisfaction dripped over me.

JJ’s other hand grazed my bare back, the contact immediately chasing my back to arch. Sparks of sensitivity erupted from my skin as my body trembled with hot desire.

His hand moved higher, gripping onto my hair before wrapping the long strands around his hand, tugging my head back, demanding my attention.

He stared at me with heavy lids, eyes like ocean blue blades. My body began to heat up.

JJ’s eyes dropped back to my lips causing me to the lick them quickly. He backed me up against the Jack and Jill sink, my back resting against the cool granite counter.

I blinked slowly, making the decision for him, angling my head up and smashing my lips to his.

A groan ripped from his chest as he met my kiss with the same crippling desperation. His rough hands dropped from my face to my hips, his nails digging crescent shaped marks in the skin.

My legs began to slightly shake as his tongue finally brushed against mine. Oxygen was something neither of us needed as we fed off each other's energy.

His tongue licked and twirled around my own, another moan vibrating between us. JJ’s large hand trailed up skin, goosebumps appearing in its wake, before locking around my throat.

His grip was strong, not enough to cut off my oxygen but enough to garner my attention. He pulled me up to my tippy toes by my neck, my nipples brushing against the rough fabric of his shirt making me gasp at the contact. His mouth clashed with mine once more, his lips wrapped around my tongue, sucking gently before pulling back and biting out a curse.

My hands were desperate as they began to unbutton his shirt quickly, pushing the fabric off his shoulders. JJ whipped off the shirt just as my hands began reaching for his shorts, my fingers fumbling with the button.

The laugh he let out was devastating. His smile was purely lethal for my heart. “We got all the time in the world, princess.”

My stomach clenched at the nickname he gave me all those years ago. But, we didn’t. We both knew this moment would end the minute we came to our senses.

JJ unbuttoned his pants and dropped them in one smooth movement before pressing his warm body against mine once more.

“Up, baby.” My arms wrapped around his neck immediately, my nose grazing his. JJ gripped my thighs tight as he placed me on top of the counter.

He rested the palm of his hands on either side of me, enclosing my frame, daring me to move. JJ leaned down, his lips leaving phantom kisses along my collarbone, nipping as he went along. He stopped at the swell of my breasts, both hands encasing my heavy aching breasts before pressing them together.

He pressed scorching hot, open-mouthed kisses on every inch of exposed skin. His tongue pressing against my swollen nipples before closing around one and giving a strong suck. I was a mess beneath him, my chest heaving with heavy pants.

He nipped and tugged at the soft flesh of my breasts, leaving small purple love bites scattered on my chest. He pressed a kiss on each one, a pleased hum echoing within the bathroom.

JJ dropped to his knees slowly, each hand running down my bare legs. I wanted to see him.

I leaned back on the palm of my hands and arched my back in a teasing invitation. Pulling my legs from his grasp, I propped my feet up on the counter, but kept my knees bent, the tops touching.

The utter obsession that painted his face had me biting down on my lip hard enough to draw blood. “Please, Jayj.”

He stood stock still, similar to a statue. It looked like he almost stopped breathing as I slowly pushed my knees apart. I was drenched, I could feel myself soaking the skimpy fabric of my thong, my thighs glistening with the evidence of my arousal.

JJ’s eyes went black, locking in on my wet pussy before jumping back up to me. His hands found my thighs and roughly dug into the skin to keep my legs from closing.

He leaned forward, his index finger hooking the front of my thong before curling the fabric and tugging it up roughly between my lips. “Fuck.” I mewled, watching as he pressed his face between my legs and inhaled deeply.

I could feel my clit throbbing, needing to be touched. With one more tug, JJ slaps the side of my thigh, having me lift my hips up to take the last piece of fabric off my body. An insatiable grin formed on his face that went straight to my clit.

The first touch onto my lips had my hips shooting off the counter, his touch like electricity. He blew a breath against the aching skin, his hot mouth watering at the sight of me. Two fingers pushed apart my drenched folds, rubbing against the sensitive skin again and again, turning me into a mindless puddle.

He smirked at my trembling legs. “You okay, baby?”

“Fuck off.” I responded through gritted teeth, trying to gather myself.

He dipped forward, gathering saliva before slowly spitting it out, the stream of spit pattering against my spread lips. The sound was obscene.

“That’s not very nice.”

Tears of frustration began to build up as I discarded my hands into those loose blonde strands, knocking his hat off. “You love it.”

The grin he sent me was feral and I knew this was exactly what I needed. “I sure do, princess.”

He enclosed his mouth against my swollen clit and sucked roughly, a loud shout erupting from the depths of my chest. JJ parted my lips again, forcing his tongue inside and out, again and again, devouring every inch of my pussy.

My cunt clenched against his tongue making him moan loudly. My body was burning as he swirled his tongue along the bundle of nerves once more. Another cry left me as I tried to find something to grab onto. His tongue lapped up all the fluids that continued to come out and I found myself forgetting how to breathe.

I pushed his face deeper, grinding against his nose that continuously rubbed against my clit, my fingers tugging at his hair, needing a release. The knot in my lower stomach began to tighten as I whispered his name again and again like a prayer. The sound of my breathy pleas spur him on as he slipped two fingers in my pussy, meeting no resistance.

The squelching noises had me throwing my head back against the mirror which had begun to fog up. I clenched around his large fingers that rubbed against my sensitive walls wanting him to lose control.

JJ curled his fingers upward causing my knees to buckle and my mind go blank. I was close and he knew based on the tremors the shook my legs. I could barely hold myself up as everything went fuzzy.

A choked moan escaped my lips that curled into a ‘o’ as his mouth sucked that rigid spot of flesh while his fingers continued to hammer into me. The invisible band snapped and as a wave of pleasure washed over me. My body finally began to relax as I tried to catch my breath, my chest rising and falling dramatically.

I spared a glance at him. JJ’s eyes were low, eyes pitch black and glued to my face, and his cheeks flushed red. He looked pussy drunk.

“Looks like I have to clean you up.” He mumbled against the flesh of my thighs. My eyes rolled to the back of my head as his hot tongue began to catch all the arousal that dripped down my thighs. I was sensitive and tried to move back, but his hands locked around my thighs to keep them open. Shives forced their way up my spine as he lapped all my fluids up, humming as he went along, not leaving one bit of skin untouched. JJ pressed one last kiss before pulling back and licking his lips.

My heart hammered through my chest and vaguely though my haze of pleasure did I hear a murmur.

“Huh?” I felt him smile against my thigh, clearly finding my delirious state funny.

“Barry, man, have you seen her?” Rafe’s voice drifted under the door.

I froze at the sound of his voice, my eyes darting to JJ who just smirked from his spot between my legs.

“She’s right here, man.” JJ whispered, straightening up to press a kiss on the crown of my head. I shook my head at him, my eyes wide with a silent plea, but JJ disregarded it.

“She’s a little busy at the moment.”

I shook my head, pressing my palm against his mouth, his next words coming out muffled. He never knew when to shut up. The last thing I needed was Rafe finding us in his bathroom.

I kept my hand on JJ’s mouth until footsteps faded and we were alone once again.

JJ nipped at the palm of my hands, his tongue slipping out. My face screwed up as I let out a squeal, “Ew, Jayj.”

“Shouldn’t have tried to shut me up to protect your boyfriend’s feelings.” He said the words lightly, but I could hear the slight edge in his tone.

Pushing him off my softly, I hopped off the counter with shaky legs. “Since when do you care about Rafe’s feelings?”

I winced as I tried to take a step, my knees nearly knocking together from the aftershock. JJ always left me a shaking disheveled mess afterwards, but I felt lighter, because he was looking at me the way he used to.

And, I wanted that to last just a bit longer.

“I don’t care about his feelings-“ He scoffed, before pausing at the teasing smile on my lips. “You’re fucking with me.”

“Too easy.” I let out a shriek of laughter as JJ's arms wrapped around my waist, lifting me up in the air.

That was how I found myself sweaty, pressed against Rafe’s sheets, struggling to breathe. The violent sound of skin slapping echoing in the room, my raspy moans intertwining with his hot pants.

One of JJ’s hands gripped the back of my head, pinning me to the mattress, the other pushing down on my back, forming a deep arch, to pull his cock in deeper.

I couldn’t register anything he was muttering as he bottomed out since of me, my mind go blank. My walls spasmed against him with each rut of his hip, sucking him back in every time he pulled back.

I was soaked, my pussy dripping around him. The sopping wet noises spurring him on, his pace quickening with those deep purposeful strokes.

I couldn’t focus on anything but him. The smell; the feel of him. The way his cock continued to brush against my cervix made me borderline delicious.

“Fuck,” JJ shuddered, rolling his hips in and out of my pussy had me clamping around him once more, a tidal wave beginning to build up inside me.

I whimper left me, the coil in my stomach pulling tight as I searched for a release. The tip of his cock pressed into me repeatedly, forcing my legs to shake once more.

My hands searched for something to hold onto as I tried to anchor myself from being drowned in pleasure. “J. J, I-I cant-I’m gonna-“

I felt his pace begin to pick him, his cock twitching inside me as he continued his movements, grinding his hips against the globes of my ass, until there was no space between us.

It was like he was imprinting himself into my skin. Like he didn’t want me to forget him.

As if I could ever forget JJ Maybank.

My whines got louder, his words becoming more and more depraved. His large calloused hands ran all over my body like he was etching it to memory.

Quick and quiet gasps bled from my parted lips, as he hammered into me from behind, his hands lacing with mine against the sheets.

The coil in my stomach snapped, white flash blinding my vision, this orgasim more intense than the first. I could feel myself coating his hips and upper thighs, fluids dripping on the sheets.

I could hear JJ’s voice whine, he began to babble nonsense under his breath, with each languid thrust.

My heartbeat was in my ears as I pushed my hips back to match his thrusts, wanting him to finish despite all my sensitivity coming to head. His nails dug my hips, my cunt suffocating as he continued to grunt his cock into me.

“Fuck, Kiara.” His grunt echoed in the room.

Kiara?

I went numb. I couldn’t breathe-I couldn’t, I needed-

Bile coated my throat as whatever childish hope I had shriveled up in my chest. So I laid there, not knowing what to do, as JJ continued to pump in and out of me, but the soft intimacy we shared before dissipated.

Why did no one ever pick me? Why didn’t anyone want me?

I let my body go limp even though everything in me wanted to shove him off, but I just couldn’t get myself to move.

That was all it took for JJ to realize the slip of his tongue. JJ froze behind me as I shoved my face into my arms and choked on a gut wrenching sob.

“Fuck, I-hold on,” JJ’s panick was audible as he slowly pulled out of me. I cupped my mouth to try and muffle the scream I wanted to let out.

His blue eyes widened in horror at his mistake but it was too late. The words were already burned into my mind, replaying on a torturous loop.

JJ’s hand reached out for me, but I shrank back, scrambling to the headboard, desperate to put distance between us.

I curled into myself, pressing my back hard against the headboard, willing for myself to disappear.

“What did you just call me?” My chin wobbled. I tried to remind myself to breathe but with each inhale, my lungs were saturated with pain.

“I-That was an accident.” He stuttered, raking his hands through his hair roughly.

“Get out.”

“It just slipped out, I didn’t mean it.”

“Get the hell out, JJ.” I yelled, and pointed at the door with a shaky finger.

Like I said, his words never dented me, no they completely destroyed me. They cut me like a freshly honed razor blade.

And I was going to die of blood loss if I didn’t get him to leave this room. He had no problem leaving me then, why was he fighting it now?

Was he thinking about her the whole time he was inside me?

Thought after thought haunted me. Was he comparing our bodies? Was he comparing the sex?

Mortification had my stomach churning as I debated what to do next. My body was wound tight, on the verge of hyperventilating.

Did he love her? Did he love her like he used to love me? Did he fuck her the way he fucked me?

I hated him. Before him, none of these thoughts would have crossed my mind. I may have been alone but at least I liked who I was. I never would have questioned myself the way I am now. But after him, the only thing I hated more than him was myself.

“Was Kiara not available,” I murmured, “so you came to the one person you knew would say yes?”

JJ didn’t find my joke funny. The air was tense, as if we were trapped in a steamed up bathroom, making each breath harder than the last.

“Kie and I aren’t together.”

“JJ, you know where the door is. Use it.”

“I don’t want to leave.” He shook his head, his eyes flickering with something heavy.

“You had no problem doing it before.”

“That was-“ JJ squeezed his eyes shut, his fists clenching and unclenching at his sides. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

He shuffled closer to my body, but still wasn't touching me. I nibbled on my bottom lip and wiped the remaining tears from my cheeks hastily.

“I’m sorry.” He said, clearing his throat. “I am so so sorry.”

I lost my grip completely as those eyes perverted mine. His eyes were so blue, it was easy to get lost in them.

Words couldn’t find their way out of my mouth. With wary eyes, I watched as he stood up and disappeared in the bathroom before appearing again with his shirt.

JJ reached for me before pausing, his eyes asking a silent question. I nodded, forcing myself to loosen the grip I had on the sheets.

I let him put the shirt on me, its protection better than the flimsy sheet. JJ dropped his head on my chest, his tan arms wrapped around my waist, curling himself into me.

“I’m sorry.”

I was sorry too. I waited for months for him to be back in my arms, but he ruined every independent thought I had. I couldn’t stop the overthinking. I couldn’t stop the pain.

I was hurting too, but I was the one comforting him. I was always the one comforting him. What about me?

I laid on the soft sheets and stared up at the ceiling. Our heavy breathing echoing in an otherwise silent room. His heavy arm tossed over naked torso, his fingers softly tracing the curve. The whisper of his breath caressing the nape of my neck where his face was buried. The familiar tickle of his golden strands brushing against my nose, his coconut shampoo wafting my senses.

The JJ induced haze began to clear up and the ugliness began to set in.

A single tear escaped my eye, its trailing burning it’s way down the side of my face. I loved him. Even after he willingly abandoned me. After he humiliated me in front of everyone. After he called me her name.

I couldn’t cut him out. It didn’t matter what he did to me, the minute we’re within the same vicinity, my self preservation disappeared. Then I was left, treading water in the middle of a storm, with nothing but a life jacket.

I had no one to blame but myself in this situation. I knew how he spoke to me, how easily he left me, how embarrassed he was of me. But he just smiled and it was like everything melted away.

I so badly wanted to feel again, but not like this.

So all I can do is lay here. In this bed. With a boy who made me hate the kind person that I was.

I made my bed. I didn’t realize this was how I’d feel when I lied in it. I turned into someone I hated. And suddenly I was bone-tired, exhaustion suffocating my lungs. I had no idea who I was and I was tired of being someone I wasn’t.

“Where are my clothes?” I said. God, I needed to leave this room before Rafe found me.

“I wasn’t really focused on that part, babe.” JJ mumbled, burrowing himself deeper into my side.

My stomach lurched. I thought I’d feel different. I thought that maybe this would fix everything. That in some deluded way, we would get back together and everything else didn’t matter. Like he didn’t leave me standing at the party after stomping on my chest.

“I need them.” I mumbled. I choked down the need to throw up. The feel of our sweat coating my body and his soft breaths against my skin had me almost hyperventilating.

Home, he used to be home. But, I’ve never felt like more of a stranger than in his arms right now. This was no longer my home.

Kook pussy. Daddy issues.

I fucked up. Fuck, I fucked up.

This only made me feel worse. I was good enough to fuck, but not enough to stay.

“What are you in such a hurry for?” His fingers paused their persistent movement.

“I have to get back-“

“To who?” JJ snapped.

I moved to sit up, dragging the sheet with me as I avoided his gaze. “You know who.”

He didn’t need to know that Rafe and I basically ended. I just wanted him to hurt in the same way I did.

He let out a scoff. “You can’t be serious?”

“Dead serious.”

“This isn’t like you-“

“You left. You don’t know who I am anymore.”

“Clearly,” he chuckled under his breath, “But suddenly Rafe does?”

I shrugged. “He’s my friend.”

“I don’t give a fuck who he is-“

I tuned him out. I was too busy trying to get his actual voice out of my head.

Kiara. Not me. Kiara. Not me.

It had taken every bit of strength to not chase after him that day. To not call and text, begging for him to give me the time of day. And I know, I know I should be stronger. I know I should have said good riddance and moved on, but love was never simple.

When I saw him tonight, I thought that maybe it was fate. So all the waiting, all the practice of self control paid off because he came back. But, was this what was waiting for me?

“You slept with me,” I said, “ but you’re thinking about her?”

I didn’t want to know the answer, but I had to ask it. It was just one of a million questions I had since the day he walked away. Was there something I could have done differently?

I was wracking my brain to see where I had gone wrong, but maybe I just fell in love with the wrong person.

“From what I hear, you don’t care about anything these days. Why would you care about this?” I couldn’t detect any emotion in his words, just cold hard facts.

I really was out here exceeding everyone’s expectations of me.

But, he had to know that when it came to him, I always cared too much. That’s why his words caused another jagged piece of my heart to puncture my chest.

“Why would I care?” I whispered, shaking my head at him. “Are you listening to yourself?”

Had I deluded myself so much into thinking we experienced the same love in our relationship? How could he even question that. Everything I did was always for him.

“I care about you, that never changed.”

Something pained flickered through his gaze. “Care about me? Yet your fucking Rafe Cameron.”

“You’re mad about that?” I choked on a humorless laugh,”Let me jog your memory real quick since apparently you’ve got amnesia, you were the one that told me to be with him.”

“Well, I didn’t think you’d actually do that to me.”

I threw my arms up in the air, exasperated,”Then why say it at all? Wait, I forgot who I’m talking to. You’re the king of saying shit you don’t mean.”

“Saying shit and actually doing it are two different things.”

“Well, you did do it Jayj.” My lungs hitched.

His jaw tightened, tension seeping out of him in waves.

“You left. You did the one thing you promised you’d never do. You didn’t even look back as you did it.” I shouted, tears blurring my vision as my body continued to shake from adrenaline. “All because what? Rafe hurt your feelings? Because I have more money than you?”

I wanted to understand him. I thought I did once, but the more I thought about our breakup the more I saw it had nothing to do with me. And everything to do with him.

“Do me a favor and grow up. This is the real world. You’d swap places with any one of us in a second if you could.”

JJ narrowed his eyes. “I don’t want any part of your world. I thought I made that clear.”

“I’m aware. But I was there, remember? For every bonfire, for every boat ride with you and your friends. What was it you guys said again?” It rushed out of me, “to going full kook?”

He watched me stoically, his fingers tugging at his bracelets.

“I guess you’re the only one that can have the money in the relationship?” I raised my eyebrow at him, waiting for him to respond.

The beautiful blonde boy that seeped into my bloodstream and made me love him. But, ruined us in the process. He destroyed everything he touched.

He pressed the heel of his palms against his eyes,

“What happened?”

“You want to know what happened? You fucking happened.”

That familiar anger flared in his eyes and I knew exactly what he was going to do. What he always did to me, but this time, I wasn’t going to let him erase me. Not again.

“Let’s talk about who you turned into?” JJ spat vehemently. “What? Rafe buys you a nice purse and you’re suddenly snorting lines of coke?”

“It was actually a couple purses.”

JJ shot daggers at me. “So what? You’re proud of that?” No, I only wanted someone to care about me if I died.

“I’m only doing what you told me, I’m sorry you don’t like the person you turned me into.”

I didn’t like her much either. But, JJ never gave me more and I realized he would never give me more, no matter how much I pushed. No matter how hard I tried to get him to see that I was the one he should be with.

It pained me that it took all of this for me to realize that there were parts of JJ he would never let anyone have.

“Why are you still here?” I said quietly. “I’m not going to let you sit here and make me feel like shit for how I chose to cope with what you broke.”

I was done giving the men in my life power over me. I needed to stand on my own two feet even if that meant I had to do it alone.

“Feel like shit?” JJ nodded his head with mock outrage,” Princess, you just let me fuck you in your boyfriend’s bed. I think you feel like shit already.”

He was right, but I still recoiled back at the venom he spat at me. I sagged with exhaustion. He was just lashing out the way he always did.

“I didn’t know, JJ.” My voice cracked. “I-I didn’t know. I just did what I thought I was supposed to do.”

JJ’s head snapped up at the waver in my voice. His ocean eyes showed a clear battle, one I knew he’d lose. “S-Sometimes it just felt like I wasn’t good enough.”

His confession broke me. I knew the thoughts that ravaged his brain only because those same thoughts now drown in mine.

My fingers twisted the hem of the shirt that my body was swimming in, a nervous tic I never got rid of. “But I never said that to you, you listened to everyone but me. You were more than enough.”

A tortured look passed his face, like the obvious miscommunication had disrupted everything. “I thought I was being paraded around to prove a point.”

I roughly wiped the tears that kept falling, “It’s okay to not want to struggle for everything in your life, JJ. You were exhausted and I just wanted to help you.”

“I didn’t know. I-just didn’t know.” I continued to repeat. And I didn't. I had no experience with love. I wanted him to have the world since he was born with less than most people I knew, yet he deserved so much more.

“You let your friends help you, I don’t understand how I was any different.”

His blonde hair was sticking up in multiple directions, a clear sign of his obvious distress. "Because they’re my family."

Irremediable sorrow burrowed in my chest. "But, I was your family too."

I felt layers of grief his me in waves, quick and hard, one after the other as I came to terms with the fact that JJ never considered me any part of his family.

"You were the only family I ever had. I thought I was your family.” I sniffled, my ribs began to ache from the constant crying.

A loud crack had me jump back as Rafe bursted into the room, chest heaving from exertion. He paused, his eyes locking in on the messed up sheets before dragging over to me and scanning my disheveled appearance.

I thought we hit a milestone. JJ finally started talking and letting me know exactly what was going on in that brain of his. And maybe, that would be enough for me, for now. This all happened because JJ didn’t know how to communicate and I knew that wasn’t his fault, but at one point he needed to grow up.

I was willing to hold his hand while he did it. But I watched as JJ’s eyes clocked the necklace Rafe wore with my initials. His gaze narrowed at the purse in his hand and my car keys in the other.

The jealousy was evident in the way he rolled his shoulders back, his face granite. “Cute necklace.”

Rafe smirked, tilting his head to the side. “Thanks. It looks even better swinging in her face.”

JJ’s cool demeanor dropped, his blue eyes darkened into a brewing storm. “Enjoy my seconds, bro.” He clapped Rafe on the chest.

My heart popped in my chest at his words, another bandage would do little to fix the shards that once resembled a heart. And, I knew then, that JJ confirmed the conclusion I just came to myself.

“JJ?”

“What?”

“You were right. I do deserve better than you.”

Loving him cost me something much greater: myself.

I couldn’t continue to hide myself in any man that told me pretty words. I was no longer my own person, just a mere extension of them. One that they treated poorly and only took out when they were bored. I was always willing to do what they would never do for me.

I was just a girl, in love with an extraordinary boy who couldn’t see past all the things he was not.

I walked over to where Rafe was, forcing myself to remember his cruel words also. It was the only way I could get myself to walk out of here. My eyes lingered on the necklace for a second before I pulled my keys from his grasp and grabbed my purse.

I wore nothing but JJ’s shirt, but at the moment I couldn’t care less. I left my clothes in Rafe’s bathroom, deciding it was better to leave them then spend another second in either of their soul sucking presence. I could always buy another dress.

I couldn’t buy another me. Not if I kept letting these boys break me.

This time, I was the one that never looked back.

Side note: I WROTE THIS THREE TIMES so pls pls pls be nice to me. I tried to incorporate a lot of people's ideas. I know the OC is very wishy washy but she's so real for that.

TAG LIST: @maybankslover @theficshop @cantbecreative @plk-18

@alicecullensgf @fairylightsandbubblegum @redhead1180 @julczimozart @wh0reforbucknasty @alyisdead @trynafindliz @bradleyroosterbradshawfr @enchantedinfinity @kaylinfayezink @godknows-shetried @sipsthecoffee @leanastarky @mirellef2001 @esquivelbianca @v-a-l-n-t-y-l-e @wonderstruck4llthew4yhome @destinydestnation @ilivinili @metatarooo @a-j-stuffs @vik-05 @thecokefairy @marauderssmut @maybank-cameron-fan @arinadixin @maxine27 @wostarsea @lilymaybank @jennapancake @dreamzluvrr @formulalfc @h1storicbabe @maybankswhore @haven247 @thatsthewaythechrissycrumbles @ineedtosusoutmyreadinglist @drudyslut @rockychick @little-frk-satellite @gwenlovesharrystyles @rudspankow @sabrina-carpenter-stan-account @bobo-bush

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hailbales · 3 months

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helping hand

warnings: jj maybank! x routledge! reader, dry humping, mentions of drugs, subby jj!!!

summary: jj is desperate and you’re more than willing to give a helping hand..

masterlist , request are open & encouraged!! pls <3

minors dni!

your head snapped towards your bedroom door as a certain blonde boy emerged, a faint look of distress covering his features. you glanced down at your phone, 2:14am. confusion laced over you as your eyebrows furrowed, lips pouting out in the slightest. “what’s up, jayj? is the party over already?”

he closed the door behind him, before he began pacing at the end of your bed. your worry only heightened at that, throwing the blanket off of you to rush towards him, situating yourself on your knees towards the edge as you looked up at him. you tried to reach out and grab his arm to get him to calm down but he was moving too fast. “jayj, talk to me. what’s going on? let me help you.”

finally, he stopped in front you, chest heaving up and down as he lifted his cap off his head to run his fingers through his hair before placing it back on. you stood on your knees, placing your hands gently onto his face to try to steady him. butterflies erupted in your stomach when his eyes met yours and he absolutely melted into your touch.

you kept your voice soft and gentle, pushing down your attraction to focus on him. “what do you need, j? talk to me.” it was then you noticed how hot his skin was to the touch, pupils dilated almost to the rim as his cheeks were tainted crimson. he gulped, adams apple bobbing and you had to pull your eyes away from the sight. “I took something.” he confesses and his vagueness has your eyebrows knitting together. “okay…?”

“a-and I knew I shouldn’t have come to you — I mean, your brother would kill me but I, I just..” he cut himself off on a heavy breath and you didn’t miss the way his eyes flickered down your frame, making you squirm inside your skin. “s’okay, j. want you to come to me.” you admitted, thumbs affectionately caressing his cheeks and you could’ve sworn you heard a whimper pass his lips but you convinced yourself you were making it up.

“I took E.”

there was a beat of silence as your lips formed a slight ‘o’, eyebrows raising in realization. his eyes searched yours, a look of guilt and regret in his pretty blues. “oh?” you breathed, fighting the urge to look down at his pants but the urge won as you spot the raging hard on he was carrying, a small wet spot on the front of his cargos. it looked.. painful.

“do you.. d’you want me to help you?” you managed to ask and he nodded eagerly, a slight frown still residing on his lips and your pout deepened. poor boy.

“you wanna lay down for me?” you pushed a stray hair off his forehead, and his breath quivered as he nodded. you moved aside for him, before crawling to meet him between his legs. “what do you want me to do first, j?” you asked, hands gently creeping into the bottom of his shirt to caress the hardness of his abs, feeling him tense beneath your fingers as he breathing heightened.

he looked down at you with soft, lustful eyes, lips slightly parted until they landed on your chest. “can you undress for me?” you gulped but slowly nodded your head, dainty fingers sliding out from beneath his cut off to find the hem of your shirt. “whatever you want, jayj.” you were only wearing an oversized tee and undies so in a matter of seconds you were completely exposed in front of him. “like that?”

his breath shook as he nodded his head, eyes glued to your chest and you bit your lip. “d’you wanna taste them?” at that, his eyes flickered up to yours and he nodded his head. “words, baby.” your own hands traveled up your body, squeezing the flesh in your palms and small groan left his lips, hips jerking slightly. “yes, please.”

you smiled satisfied, crawling up into his lap to straddle him as your hands found his hair, running through the soft locks. his mouth was hesitant at first but when your back arched into him, his hands became greedy as they found your waist, holding you in place as his lips roughly chased your perky tits. you let out a breathy moan when he tugged on your nipple between his teeth and he thrusted up into you, his cloth covered cock rutting against your exposed heat. his head fell back against your pillows at his own action, a loud moan passing his lips. you grinded down against him again and there was another. “fuckk, baby.”

“do you like that, j?” you batted your lashes down at him and he quickly nodded his head, faces screwed up together in pain or pleasure, you couldn’t tell. “d’you wanna dry hump me, jayj? would that make you feel better?” another nod, “please, princess.”

“i’m yours, jayj. do whatever you want to me.” he swore he could’ve came right there, a deep growl involuntarily passing his lips from your words alone. before you could process he was pulling your face down to his, pressing his lips against yours with such raw need it made your pussy throb. he tongue greedily entered your mouth and you welcomed it, taking every whimper and moan he would give you. if you didn’t cum at all tonight it would be worth it, hearing months worth of material for later.

you were so hypnotized in his kiss you hadn’t realized how roughly he was rutting up against you until a long whine left his lips, jaw slacking as he pulled back to watch in awe as his shorts had collected your arousal that was pooling out of you.

you took this as your sign to take control, watching the way every nerve in his face contorted as you began slowly, speeding up your movements to match his heaving chest. “are you gonna cum in your shorts, j? huh? talk to me, baby.”

“yes. oh- god, baby. pleasepleaseplease.” he whined through clenched teeth, and you almost felt bad as he struggled to catch his breath, switching from breathing through his nose to panting heavily, sweat collecting at his brow line.

you could feel his cock twitching from beneath you, soft whimpers of muddled pleas passing his lips as his eyes bounced from the way you were riding him to the way your face contorted in pleasure, whimpering with every breath. “you close, j? ‘know you are, can feel it. must be in so much pain, huh?” your lips click together in pity. “my poor boy.”

“mhmm. jus’ need you so bad. always. always need you.” he’s so pussy drunk, he can’t help but let the confession slip out but he’s too close to regret it, especially with the way you moan at his words, rutting yourself faster against him to better please him. “fuckk, j-jus’ like that, please y/n. don’t stop, don’tstop. jesus chri-“

his words are cut short as a loud yell erupts from the back of his throat, erratically jerking his hips up against your throbbing cunt. “ah, ah! yesyesyes, y/n fuckk-“ he has never cum so hard before in his life, it just kept coming and coming, shooting out of him in long, hot ropes. if he weren’t so wrapped in pleasure he’d be panicked from his sudden lack of oxygen, but it only added to it, a heavenly, sloppy smile creeping onto his face.

you could blame the drugs, but he knew it was you. it’s always you. only you could pull this side out of him and he loved it, giving him a thrill he had never experienced before.

while he was wrapped up in his high, your eyebrows furrowed a bit in worry, slowing down your movements to a halt. “j? jayj, come back to me. hey, I’m right here, baby.” when his eyes met yours again, there wasn’t a thought behind those pretty blues and you grinned. he was still panting, struggling to catch his breath and you were careful as you crawled off of him, coming to his side to cup his jaw.

“you okay? was I too much?” If it weren’t for how concerned you looked as you asked, he would’ve laughed. too much. as if you hadn’t just dommed the fuck out of him. his grin was like no other. cloud nine was all he could think to describe the feeling.“no, baby. you were perfect. thank you, that was-“

he trailed off as he glanced over you, face falling the slightest. “shit. did you-.. did you not cum?”

you giggled in the slightest, as if the noises he made alone couldn’t of got you off . no, you wanted this to be about him.

“next time, jayj.”

“next time?” his voice was excited, hopeful and your pulse fluttered. he had no clue.

“you think I’m letting you go after that?”

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lovelyjj · 2 months

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Rudy in the new movie 5lbs of pressure!

#rudeth #rudy pankow #rudy pankow x reader #rudy pankow smut

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rubiehart · 2 months

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can you write something where reader and jj had an argument and they do something apart from each other for a little while because they both know they are just tired and need some alone time but then jj starts missing reader even if it has been only an hour or so, and he starts annoying the reader because its his way of apologizing and saying sorry and they make up. (If you don’t understand anything I’m saying you can just ignore it hahah)

you’d just gotten out of the shower, washing off all the negativity from the day you’d had, let’s just say there was a lot to get rid off. you and jj had been arguing about little things for the past few days, and you decided you needed some time to cool off, in the midst of another little squabble you broke and stormed out of the chateau, leaving jj there and saying nothing else to him, and looking at your notification centre he seemed he didn’t even think to send you a text.

you just huffed, deep down hoping he’d made the decision to ask if you were okay, even though you told him not to speak to you until you both had time to cool off, placing your phone on your nightstand you walked over to your dresser to start your skincare routine, pressing play on your speaker and letting some music fill the space in your mind that was being consumed by jj. you’d just finished rubbing in your serum when you heard a tap at your window, you decided or ignore it until another tap came, then another, then another five seconds later. you huffed and slammed the moisturise down and walking over to your window, throwing your thin curtains to the side and looking down.

a mop of blonde hair barely being lit by the dimming porch light, his toothy grin smiling up at you making all the anger you’d felt melt away, like he always did to you, not letting that show on your face though, you weren’t gonna break that easily, you flung your window open and spoke down to his dark shadow “what are you doing here?” you huffed. he just shrugged, “just wanted to come see my girl…” he replied lowly, clearly trying to conceal his grin. you rolled your eyes and closed your window.

jj hung his head in defeat, thinking you were mad, before the front door flung open and you came running out in your skimpy little pyjamas making him raise his eyebrows, which made you return the look, more disapprovingly than his. “eyes are up here.” you joked, throwing yourself into his arms and hugging him tight. he just smiled and looked you in your eyes “i’m sorry about earlier baby.” you just nodded, keeping eye contact with him silently agreeing. “i’m sorry too.” you grinned he just replied by grabbing your face and placing a sloppy kiss to your lips making you smile and take his hand, guiding him back towards the porch, making him grin and follow blindly behind you.

you gestured to the porch light and looked at him “need you to change the bulb in that for me.” you grinned “starting to think you’re just using me for my handyman skills baby.” he jokes, pulling you into him with an arm around your waist, making you lean into his shoulder with a cheeky grin and shrugging sarcastically “hm, maybe.”

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tell-me-when-ur-ready · 1 year

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Bikini Collection

Summary: You want to film a YouTube video with your boyfriend JJ reacting to your bikini collection, but he only makes it through three swimsuits before something not fit for YouTube takes place.

Warnings: Smut. (unprotected sex don’t do that)

Word count: 1,200

Author’s note: Inspired by this video!

“Can I open my eyes yet?” JJ yelled from the living room of the Chateau.

“No!” you hollered back. Turning slightly, you adjusted the pink bandeau-style bikini top over the top of your boobs. Finally satisfied, you opened the door and walked into the living room, where JJ was sitting with his eyes obediently closed. You’d tidied the house as much as possible and set up your phone to film a “boyfriend reacts to my bikini collection” video.

“You know, I’ve seen all your bikinis a million times,” JJ was saying as you came out. “I don’t see why we have to do a whole—holy fuck.”

You preened, turning in a circle so he could get the full view. “Like what you see?”

“This is the best day of my life.”

“Any thoughts on the style?”

“Uh.” JJ’s eyes raked up and down your body. “It makes your ass look good?”

“Shut up,” you giggled. “I’m not putting that on the Internet.”

“Well, what am I supposed to say when my girlfriend walks out looking like that?”

You gave him one more twirl before heading back to the bedroom to change. “Final rating out of 10?” you called back over your shoulder.

“Uh. 9 out of 10. 9.5.”

As you shut the door behind you, you heard JJ mutter again, “Best day of my frickin’ life.”

Next you grabbed a pale blue pair of thin-stringed bottoms with a halter top.

“Hot damn,” was JJ’s reaction back out in the living room. He shifted in his seat. “Is it getting hot in here or is it just me?”

You frowned at him. “J, stop. I’m going to have to edit all of this out. What’s your rating? And say something family-friendly.”

“Mmm…” He craned his neck to look at your ass as you struck a pose. “8 out of 10 for the legs?” When you glared at him, he immediately backtracked. “Okay, okay! Uh, you look good in blue?”

Good enough. You headed to change again, shaking your head.

“You know I like you for you,” he yelled after you into the bedroom. “How kind you are and how hard you work. Your sense of humor.”

“And my ass and boobs?” you called back. The resulting silence confirmed your suspicion. You smirked at yourself in the mirror.

“Those, among other parts,” JJ called back after a minute.

Next you walked out in a purple triangle bikini with foldover bottoms. You were barely into the living room before JJ was sitting on his hands, physically restraining himself.

“I vote we finish the video another day,” he said, eyeing you hungrily.

“Today is the only day where no one else is going to be here. You don’t want John B sitting on the couch while we’re doing this, do you?” You stopped in front of him. “This bikini is new. I just got it the other day. What do you think?”

You revolved in a slow circle. The next thing you knew, JJ was up and moving, lunging toward your phone. “Turn that thing off. Ain’t nobody else gonna see my girl.”

Before you could react, his hands were all over you, running up and down your bare sides while he kissed you hard on the lips. You wrapped your arms around his neck as his hands slid down lower. In the back of your mind, you had to admit that part of you had hoped this would happen when you asked JJ to film this video. Maybe it wasn’t fair to tease him—but now you were both getting what you wanted, so what did it really matter?

“How do you get this stupid thing off?” JJ mumbled into your mouth. He was fumbling with the tie at the back of your bikini. You giggled and took pity on him, untying the top and letting it fall to the ground. “Fucking gorgeous,” he muttered, looking down at you.

“C’mere.” You grabbed his hand and pulled him over to the couch, gladly falling into the cushions as he propped himself on top of you, powerful biceps bracketing either side of your head. He kissed you hard, tongue parting your lips as you automatically rolled your hips up into his, making him groan. You grabbed the hem of his ratty T-shirt (of course he couldn’t be bothered to dress up for the Internet) and tugged it over his head. He sat back on his knees briefly to get rid of the foldover bottoms you’d been so happy with and to pull down his cargo shorts.

“Just want you, princess,” he said, breath coming heavy and hard. You reached up your arms for him again.

“Take me, J.”

Both of you hissed as he slid into you, stretching you out. You dug your nails into the bare skin of his shoulders and briefly closed your eyes as JJ paused, giving you a moment to adjust despite how far gone he was. When he started to move it was slow at first, the burn so deep and delicious you couldn’t hold back a quavery sigh. JJ turned his face into your neck, lowering his mouth to kiss your soft skin again and again.

Slowly he sped up until he was panting with the effort of each thrust. The two of you had been dating for a couple of years at this point and you had sex often, yet every time, you were still blown away by how good it was. You’d never really understood the phrase “best I’ve ever had” until JJ. He knew what he was doing in bed. And the more he got to know you, the better and better it got.

“JJ,” you sobbed out. You’d be embarrassed at how needy you sounded, except it was him. Your J. The boy who was goofy and tough and vulnerable all at the same time, who knew you inside and out, better than anyone else ever had or ever could.

“I know, princess,” he panted, his breathing laborious. “I got you. ‘M gonna make you feel good.” Without breaking his pace, one of his hands slipped between your bodies, his rings cool on your skin. Within a few more thrusts, you were done. Your fingers twisted painfully hard in his blond hair and your mouth opened in a silent scream as you fell over the edge, body jerking.

“Shit, shit, baby, holy fuck—“

JJ let out a guttural groan into your neck as he came, shaking hard as he finished in a few final thrusts as you clenched around him. Finally he fell limp against your body. He was heavy on top of you, but you didn’t care. You wrapped your arms around his back as your chests rose and fell together, breathing heavily as you came down from your highs.

At last JJ raised himself up onto his hands, his arms shaking a little with the effort, and smiled sweetly down at you. He ducked his head to kiss your lips and you kissed him back, wondering how you’d ever gotten lucky enough to find a guy like him.

“So…” You propped yourself up on your elbows and smirked at him mischievously. “You wanna see another bikini?”

#jj maybank #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank fanfiction #jj maybank smut #outer banks #outer banks fanfiction #rudy pankow #rudy pankow imagine #rudy pankow smut #jj maybank blurb #outer banks imagine #obx x reader

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rafescurtainbangz · 3 months

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My Favorite Dealer - JJ Maybank One Shot

+18 Minor DNI

Dealer Sub!JJ x Female KookPrincess!Reader (Rafe Cameron's Sister)

A little JJ smut for my wifey and bestie @imyourdaninow Happy Anniversary, bb!!!!!!!!!

Rafe's sister really likes JJ and decides she's ready to make a move. This JJ is sweet, like sticky sweet so forewarning if that's not your thing.

Tags: @imyourdaninow @floredaqueen @romaescapes @gri959 @redhead1180

Taglist: link

OBX Master list: link

Warning: SMUT, language, swearing, drug usage

Sub!JJ, Soft!dom Reader, unprotected p in v, shotgun kissing, fingering, oral (male receiving), oral (female receiving), BDJ (Big Dick JJ), nipple play, heavy praise, pet names, and nicknames, reader has nipple piercings; first time together not first time

Y/N Cameron's POV:

Shit.

A smile slips your lips, butterflies filling your stomach as you look down at your phone. My favorite drug dealer, JJ Maybank.

It's just a little pot... enough to take the edge off. But then, there's the late-night calls, when I'm feeling anxious; when I'm missing him. He's funny, sweet, sexy. Fuck me. Today, I'm going to do it... Make a move, take a chance. Sure, we flirt, but I want more. I want him.

KNOCK. KNOCK.

The sound sends chills down your spine as you hear a little rap on the window. "One second, J!

"No problem, y/n."

Grabbing a sweatshirt and sweatpants, you tug them on, slicking on some lipstick, and spritzing a little perfume as well. Here goes nothing. You walk toward the window, heart pounding in your chest. His shadow shifts along the drawn curtain, making you smile even brighter.

"Y/n," he grins. "How ya doing, darlin'?" His beautiful blue eyes meet yours as you tug open the window.

"Great. Thank you. And thanks for coming on such short notice. Ya know you can just come through the front door." He cocks his eyebrow at you, holding short a laugh. "Ugh, don't worry. Rafe's all bark, Jayj."

"For sure," he breathes.

"You two still-"

"Not besties?" He interjects. "Nah... Not big fans of each other, princess."

"Well, m'sorry. I can talk to him if you'd like." He shakes his head no, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "It's all good. Don't worry 'bout that, sweetheart. Umm... Can I come in?"

"Please." You draw back the curtain a little more. JJ steps in, glancing around the room.

"Shit... This is-"

"Excessive?" You sigh, making him expel an uneasy laugh. "Ward wouldn't have it any other way. You've never been in my room before. Have you?"

"Nah... You usually meet me on the roof," he hums, distracted by the childhood pictures on your wall. "Oh shit. Is Midsummers tonight?" JJ nods over to your slinky white dress in the corner.

Damn, he looks good... A well-loved t-shirt and tattered blue jeans stuffed into some work boots, blonde hair messy under his red backward hat. Your eyes meet JJ's, making his cheeks blush. "Umm... It's Midsummers tonight. Yeah?" He softens his tone, asking again.

"Oh shit," you giggle, catching yourself preoccupied. "Do you wanna come, J?"

"Where?" He lifts his eyebrow again, unable to compute what you're clearly asking him.

"To Midsummers? No pressure." His eyes double in surprise. "Be my date?"

"You want me to be your date?"

"If you'd like... I mean it's short notice; but-"

"I'd love that, y/n. I mean... I might not make it through the door. Think I'm banned for life," he blurts.

"Banned for life?" You chuckle, shooting him a look.

"M'trouble. Apparently."

You smile as you step a little closer, taking a seat on your desk across from him. "Can't imagine that," you flirt, leaning in a little more. You flutter your lashes, causing that same blush to creep across his already sun-kissed cheeks.

"Wow.... Shit. I just got really fucking nervous. Thanks for that," JJ smiles, readjusting his hat anxiously. "I truthfully have nothin' to wear."

"We can just steal something from Rafe's closet. It'll piss him off if that makes it more appealing to you."

"It does," he chuckles, dimples popping with his wide smile. He draws his backpack off his back, rooting through his stash. "So, what would you like, y/n?"

"Whatever you think I'd like best."

"Sherbert Queen it is," he rasps as he tugs at the zipper of his backpack. He thumbs through his cache, retrieving the product; setting it on the desk.

"Alright, y/n. Anything else?"

Shit… This is when he usually leaves. Just fuckin’ do it. C’mon… "Oh. Umm... No."

"Are you okay, y/n," he questions earnestly; eyes lightening on yours as you fumble over your words.

"M’perfect, Jayj. What do I owe you?"

"Nothin'... Are you kiddin' me? You just asked me out. Which I didn't know was an option, or I woulda done it first, by the way," he cheeses. "I'm not chargin' you for shit, princess." Your cheeks burn from your smile; eye, casting away as you try to build up your confidence.

Do it.

"I feel like I owe you something, Jayj." The words drip off your lips.

"No, y/n. It's on the house. Truly."

"You sure?" You hum. "I can give you whatever you want." Your eyes trail up his frame. JJ's eyes widen, darting around before meeting yours again.

"Are you askin' me what I think you're askin' me?"

"Depends, JJ. What do you want?" You lean in a little closer.

"You. Holy fuck. Are you sure?"

"Positive. Is that okay?"

"More than okay, y/n. Shit." He digs his heel into the ground, cheeks reddening. "So, do you like, like me? Or are we just hooking up? Sorry... W-Wait. Woah. Hey... Ha. Ha. Uh. Don't answer that. M'sorry."

"I like you, JJ," you answer confidently, making him suck in a bit of air.

"I... Uh-"

"Are you sure you're okay?" You soothe.

"You fuckin' with me?" He asks, only half-joking.

"JJ... I like you. Why do you think I keep buyin' pot from you?"

"I don't know. I just thought you liked my shit," he chuckles weakly as his voice cracks.

"I have no problem getting weed, Maybank... I just wanna see you."

His eyelashes flutter, lips drawing to the side. "Well, in that case, I like you too, y/n. Every time you text me... It makes me really, really fuckin' happy. And I think about you a lot. Like a lot, a lot."

"You do?"

"A lot," he repeats himself, sucking his teeth as he notices it. "Also, I'm usually pretty fuckin' cool. I mean, like, I don't usually freak out like this, anyway," he flounders.

You pinch the bottom of your sweatshirt, drawing it over your frame, tossing it away. "Jayj-"

"Oh my god," he huffs, eyes transfixed on your breasts.

"I know how you usually are. Alright? You bein' nervous is only making me like you more. I know you're cool," you razz him, giving his chest a playful shove.

"Uh yeah..." He hums, eyes still zeroed in on your tits. JJ slams his eyes shut, taking a frustrated breath. "I just - Fuck, y/n. You could have any guy at the Island Club. Why are you botherin' with me?"

"'Cause... You're sweet, you're funny, you're hot. It's a long list, Maybank. You want me to go on? I will." He batts his lashes, taking in your praises like you're speaking a foreign language, trying to pick up something he understands. "These guys are dicks, Jayj. Contrary to popular belief I don't really care about that shit. But, I'm sitting here with my shirt off, and you haven't done anything; so, if I'm reading this whole situation wrong and you're just stalling to make me feel better, just let me know-"

JJ moves toward you quickly, stealing the words off your lips as he kisses you for the first time, making everything come to a stop. He tastes sweet, cherry chapstick and kush, making you lightheaded. JJ sucks off your bottom lip nice and slow, making you whimper against his kiss.

"How much time do we have before we gotta go?" He mumbles against your lips

"Not a lot... But, there's always later."

"Later as in tonight?"

"Yeah, Jayj," you breathe against his lips.

"Fuck. I'm dreaming."

"Can I make you feel good, JJ?"

"Jesus Christ," he sighs; you can feel his smile against your lips. "You sure? Can I do anything for you?"

"I hope so ..." You reach up, snagging JJ's hat off slowly, setting it down on the desk as you continue to kiss. JJ works a little quicker, tearing himself out of his white shirt, his excitement making you swoon. He grabs your waist in his strong hands, lifting you off the desk.

Your fingers loop around the elastic band of your sweatpants. JJ watches you intently as you slip the material over your curves, revealing more and more skin. He dives for your lips again, kicking off his boots between kisses as you unfasten the button of his jeans. "Can I?" You smile, tugging at the denim.

"You can do anything you want to me, y/n," he pants. Your plump lips move to his jaw, a little further to his neck, leaving a trail of light pink lipstick in your wake.

JJ chuckles delightedly as his eyes follow the markings, lowering with you, watching you as you drop to your knees. "Are you gonna - Oh. Oh, s-shit. You are," JJ pants, like he's finally puzzled together as to why you're on your knees.

Damn, he's huge. His black briefs leave nothing to the imagination; the print of his hardened length, pitched against the fabric, precum wetting the cotton. "Y/n, I don't know..."

You stop quickly, pulling your hands away as you look at his doubtful eyes. "JJ... I'm sorry. Shit. I just - I got a little carried away. M'sorry if I'm rush-"

"You're not!" He croaks out; his voice is hoarse and breathless. "I just can't believe you wanna do this."

Your hands meet his body again, resting on his bare thighs as you look up at him with doe eyes, breathing a sigh of relief. "I really, really want to, JJ.”

"Yeah?"

"Jayj... I took off my shirt, I took off my pants, I'm on my knees; I'm fucking wet for you-”

"Wait - Really?" He questions. You chuckle and shake your head, burying your face in your palm. "Y/n, I swear I'm usually-"

"Cool, J. You are... I know. And I'm not teasing you. I can't help but laugh… You're just so fuckin' sweet. Let me suck your cock. Alright? I'm begging you," you smile.

"Well, I'm not gonna stop you, princess," he sighs blissfully.

"Thank you... Now, just relax, Jayj," you whisper as you curl your fingers around the elastic of his boxers, tugging them to his feet. "Holy shit," you breathe as you take in his size, his long, thick cock achingly stiff. You find yourself getting a little nervous yourself; JJ's dick is by far the biggest you've ever had, bigger than any toy you own. He looks down at you, a new hunger in his eyes.

Slipping your fingers under your bra straps, you slide them off your shoulders, looking at JJ through your lashes again. You draw your hands up to your cleavage, delicately drawing them over the top. Reaching your nipples, you trace small circles over the fabric."You're so beautiful, y/n," he praises; pupils blow with lust.

"So are you." You lean in, kitten-licking the precum off his head, making him shudder out a breath. He slams his eyes shut, mumbling to himself to 'chill the fuck out.'

Taking his cock in your hand, you pump slowly, your eyes on his. Your other hand massages your breast. "You're so big," you breathe as you slip your fingers under the lace of your bra slowly, toying with your nipple.

His lashes flutter, surprised to see silver sparkly jewelry. "Is that... Do you have your... I-" JJ's voice trails off, mesmerized, watching you play with the both of you at the same time. His eyes drift slowly between his thick cock and you. "Y/n. Oh my god," he groans.

Your hand retreats, moving to your back, unclasping your bra with a single hand. You let it fall forward, resulting in a downright pornographic moan from JJ as your breasts spill out, making you bite back a giggle.

You continue to touch your chest as you stroke his cock; pressing your cleavage together, pinching your nipples. JJ's breathing increases with each passing second as he watches you.

He shifts his stance when you drop both hands, nearing his shaft. JJ groans when your tongue hits his warm skin again. You draw your mouth from the base of his length to his fat cockhead, your eyes burning into his.

His breath catches in his chest as you brush your tongue from side to side on his tip; JJ looking at you through hooded eyes, trying his best to keep them open. "Y/n... So good. F-Fuck," he stammers.

Wrapping your lips around his cock you take him to the back of your throat, drawing off slowly, squeezing your lips, leaving little lipstick rings behind. "You're so - Fuck me. You're so gorgeous," he sighs, eyeing the mess.

You bob back and forth slowly and sloppily, using your hand to stroke where your mouth won't reach. Your other hand gropes his skin, tracing up his tanned body. Hollowing your cheeks, causing JJ's abs to flex under your touch as you increase your suction. You can tell he's about to lose control.

Drawing off slowly, you wrap your fingers around his cock, stroking quickly. Your breasts bounce with each thrust of the hand. "Fuck, sweetness. You look too damn good. S-Shit. I'm gonna cum," he whines.

"Yeah?" You groan. "You gonna cum for me, Jayj?"

"Mmm-ph, fuck. Yes." You return your lips to JJ's shaft, sucking his head, then dropping low, gagging when you take as much of him as you can. His brows knit tight. You feel his cock twitch on your tongue as little rivers of mascara run down your cheeks. "Y/n. Ugh... Shit," he moans, huskily.

You draw him out of your mouth, pumping rapidly. JJ's mouth falls agape, his chest rising and falling as he cums hard on your chest and tongue, ropes of pearlescent white landing on your soft skin as he paints your chest.

JJ watches carefully as you milk out the last bits of pleasure. You draw two fingers through his sticky spent, sucking them clean. "I'm dreaming... I am. Fuck me," he groans. His eyes fall shut as he lets out a satisfied sigh; a wide smile settles on his lips as he tilts his head up to the ceiling, hands covering his face.

JJ reaches for you, taking you in his arms. "Goddamn... You're really, really good at that, y/n Cameron," he pants through a chuckle, cleaning your chest with a tissue from your desk. He tries his best not to fixate on your piercings. His fingers still find a way to brush over the top, watching as they harden. "Did I tell you you're beautiful, y/n? You're so fucking pretty..."

"You did," you giggle, running your fingers through his fluffy blonde hair.

"And, you want me to do stuff to you?" He asks hopefully.

"I need it, Jayj."

He smiles widely, taking you into his arms. "All I can think about is how good you're going to taste, y/n," JJ groans. You wrap your arms around his neck, pressing your chest into his. He walks over to the bed, setting you on top. Curling your thighs in his arms as he pulls your warmth to his face. JJ licks the length of your pussy, causing you to arch your back, JJ chuckling sinfully. The breath of his laugh on your wetness sends chills across your skin.

His tongue works slowly through your folds, mumbling and humming as he takes in your taste. His rough hands grope your inner thighs and ass, using his hold to bury himself deep. JJ quickly locks onto your clit; sucking and flicking. "Fucking hell, JJ," you moan. He plunges in a finger, then two, working them in tandem with his mouth. He kept his ring on... You can feel the added friction, the chill of the metal as it glides in and out of your cunt.

Adding a slight curl, he finds your g-spot, making your mouth shift to a soft "o." "Like that. Huh?" He mumbles.

"Right there, J," you whimper, bringing your hands down to his hair, pulling it; drawing him closer to you as you feel yourself right on the edge. "Feels so good."

He adds a third finger, quickly brushing his tongue from side to side, sealing the deal. You cry out in pleasure, knees pressing into JJ's muscular shoulder as your orgasm washes over you. He kisses your inner thighs as he continues to pump his fingers quickly.

Your eyes drift open slowly as your body relaxes; JJ looking at you sweetly. "Fuck. That was beautiful, y/n," he whispers.

"Shit," you pant. "You're very good at that, JJ Maybank," you sigh, echoing his words through a blissed-out smile. JJ kisses you slowly, fingers raking through your hair as he rolls his hips, doing everything but slipping his stiff cock inside. He catches himself getting too caught up in the moment, stifling himself in the crook of your neck instead, breathing in your sweet perfume.

"You smell so damn good," he hums. "You taste fucking sweet, and you look like heaven. S'not fair."

"Thank you," you whisper as you kiss his face. Your hand cups his cheek, brushing it gently with your thumb as his baby blues fall to your lips. "That was amazing. JJ."

"Thanks, princess... Do you want to have - Shit. Umm... Alright. Do you need anythin' else? I can throw in some other shit for you; Blueberry, Violet, Banana Jelly." There's no mistaking his tone this time. He wants more. He was about to ask for it himself.

You wet your bottom lip, making his mouth part. "Got some - I… Shit. I brought some of that Bubble Kush you like," he stumbles through a string of jumbled words, too distracted with how beautiful you look under him, tucked in his arms.

A smile twists on your face as you take a better look at him, catching the rolled joint behind his ear. "Why don't we smoke a little?" You ask, plucking it out, resting it between your fingers.

"You're my dream girl, y/n. You know that. Right?" He whispers through a sweet smile.

The two of you crawl to the headboard, JJ snagging your lighter off the nightstand. You scoot a little closer as JJ blazes up, taking the first hit. He pinches the joint between his lips, grabbing for you, towing you closer as he puffs again, passing it to you. You straddle him, feeling his cock, hard between your thighs.

"Wow," he breathes, his large hands holding the small of your waist, drifting around to your bum before gripping it tightly. You cast your smoke up to the ceiling. His fingers dig into your ass, lips latching onto your nipple. He swirls his tongue, flicking it across your hardened flesh.

"Holy shit," you whimper.

"Mmm... The Kook Princess has nipple piercings. Huh?" He mumbles drunkenly as he cups your tits. "Ya know, I dream about this shit, y/n," he drawls. “I wasn't kiddin’.”

"You do," you smile in reply as you rest your hands on his chest, feeling his rapid heartbeat.

"This is so much better," he rasps.

"I do too."

"You do?"

"'Thought about you last night. And when I woke up in the morning. I've been plannin' this all day, Jayj."

He leans in, kissing you tenderly. "Been thinkin’ about you all day, too, princess."

JJ's tongue slips between your lips, rolling slowly with yours. "Promise you'll come over tonight?"

"You're not gettin' away from me, baby girl." You chuckle warmly against his lips, feeling a smile stretch on his as you hear the first bits of confidence in his voice. "You ready, doll?"

"Ready, J." JJ takes a haul off the joint, quickly bringing his lips to yours. He exhales while you inhale, his lips even sweeter than before. You wrap your fingers around his cock, pumping slowly, feeling yourself throb.

He takes another hit, bringing his lips to yours, hovering as he exhales. You breathe him in; smoke circles in your lungs. JJ watches as you stroke, letting out a soft groan when you run your fingers through your pussy, working your wetness onto his shaft.

You take the joint off his hands, placing it between your lips as JJ slides his hands up your thigh, inching closer. You take a rip of your own. Leaning into him, you blow out your smoke as he inhales, his rough finger toying with your entrance."You're so fucking wet," he mumbles against your lips before stuffing his fingers deep.

You close your eyes softly, tipping your head back as he starts to work on you again. "Holy shit," you whine as you draw the joint to your lips for one last hit. You lace your hand around the back of his neck, pressing your lips and chest against him, exhaling the shot as his fingers rub little circles on your clit.

You stub out the joint before giving him your full focus again. He sits there waiting, hoping you'll ask the question you both want to hear. "Can you fuck me, JJ?"

A wide smile stretches across his lips, his half-lidded eyes sparkling on yours. "I can't believe you just said that, princess. Say it again."

"Can you fuck me, JJ Maybank?"

"Please." He leans in nice and slow, teasing you this time as his lips hover close. His mouth presses against yours, hands wrapped around the back of your neck as he lowers the both of you to the mattress, rolling himself on top.

The kiss deepens fast, the two of you breathing rapidly. You moan onto his lips as his body weight presses you into your soft bed.

You grip his dick in your hands, guiding him closer, swirling his head through your soaked slit. Your thighs jolt as you massage your sensitive bud.

"Please," you whisper. JJ's eyes soften on yours; already on cloud 9, your delicate, sweet voice begging for him is almost too much.

JJ's lips meet yours again, swallowing your moan as he thrusts deeply, bottoming you out, pain and pleasure creating an absolutely euphoric mixture as he fills you fully. "Fuck," you mewl, pressing your hands gently against his hips.

"You okay, y/n," he whispers.

"Shit... Yes - Yeah. I'm alright." You breathe as his cock stretches you entirely. He hasn't even moved, and you can already feel his tip rested against your sweet spot.

You grab his ass, clawing your fingers into the plush of his skin, guiding him to stroke. JJ starts to rock in and out, letting you adjust to his length. "Harder, JJ. I can take it," you assure. JJ's eyes roll back at your request.

“You’re so fucking tight. Jesus Christ,” he whines. He starts to pump into you quickly. His forehead pressed against yours, your lips hovering as he sets a rapid pace; hips, striking skin, clapping through your large room.

You draw your fingers up to his lips; JJ takes them into his mouth, sucking roughly. Bringing them down to your clit, you pleasure yourself as well, rolling your digits fast.

"Shit, y/n," JJ hums. You grab your thighs, pressing your knees to your chest, allowing him to stroke even deeper. Your adrenaline is still running high; your breathing rapid as you feel yourself starting to come undone again, tightening around him.

"Y/n..." JJ stutters. "I - Holy shit. You feel so fucking good. Are you-"

"Almost."

" I won't stop... I promise," he whispers.

"Cum inside me, Jayj."

JJ grits his teeth, slowing down slightly; replacing his fingers with yours to make up for the change in tempo; brushing your clit skillfully.

"Fuck... You can't talk like that, princess," he chides through a smile. "Tryin' not to bust. Alright?" His cock drags in and out. You rest your hand on your tummy, feeling it as well.

You look down, watching JJ's thick dick glistening with your wetness. God, this feels so damn good. I don't want to cum... I don't want this to end. JJ picks up his gait, pumping deep into your core. "M'gonna ride you tonight, Jayj," you moan.

"Y/n... Shh, baby. Please," he shushes you through a breathy laugh; all his muscles wound tight. "You're killin' me, honey-"

"Harder... M'gonna-"

KNOCK. KNOCK.

JJ doesn't stop, knowing you're close. He seals your mouth as shockwaves grip your body, muffled cries of pleasure against his hand. His eyebrows knit, teeth-gritting, throwing his head back as well, doing his best to stay silent. You feel his finish, the muscles in his body spasming as he fills you with his cum.

JJ lowers his lips to you, tongues rolling effortlessly with yours like you'd been together for years; his hands drift into your hair, tugging you closer. "Holy shit," you giggle, breathlessly.

BANG. BANG. BANG. "Y/n?" Rafe calls. "Headin' out in ten. You good?"

"M'good!" You sing, feeling your high catching up with you, doing your best not to giggle.

"Hey. You smokin' in the there?"

"Sorry, dad."

"Ha. Ha. Uh, yeah. Just did a line off the bathroom counter. I don't give two fucks.

"Why don't I just meet you there? Need to take a shower; get this smell off me?" JJ's eyes widen with his smile.

"With me?" He whispers.

"Obviously," you giggle against his lips as he does the same.

"Oh, and Topper asked again if you'll go with him,” Rafe rasps.

“Ew,” JJ winces in disgust, making you laugh.

“Don't be a bitch, y/n. Alright? He likes you. I don't know why.”

“Rude.”

“M’just kiddin’.”

“That was fuckin’ rude. Want me to kick his ass?” JJ whispers, making you roll your eyes and smile.

"Tell him no, Rafey. I have a date.”

JJ brushes your bottom lip with his thumb, smiling at you dreamily, his lips meeting yours one last time. "You sure do, princess."

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geminijade · 18 days

Text

Y'all, I'm Not OK 🔥🥵

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sugarcoatedstarkey · 1 year

Note

being in a secret relationship with rudy and having to limit your scratching during sex so he can be shirtless for scenes, once he's done filming ready and him go at hard but the following morning rudy gets called in for a retake and shit hits the fan

hush hush

Pairing- Rudy pankow x fem!reader

Summary - above ^

Warnings- scratching, biting, sexual intercourse, fingering, hand job. 18+ content

A/n- apologies for any grammar or mistakes, haven’t written in over 6-8 months. Please leave feedback 💗

“I’m done” Rudy states, your heart dropping to the pit of your stomach. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said it like that" He stutters the second he sees the colour drain from your skin. "I meant filming is done”.

You let out a loud exhale and whacked his arm with the back of your hand. “Jesus, way to give a girl a heart attack”. He let out a chuckle and his warm breath tickled the skin on your neck, his grabby hands pulling your body as close to him as humanly possible.

“I have waited a long 6 months to feel your nails on my skin, I am going to devour this body of yours” He purred, enveloping your lips with his.

There was no fight for dominance this time, your tongue submitting to his in a matter of seconds. His large hands gripping the mound of flesh on your backside, urging you to jump up onto the desk behind you.

“Right here?” you moaned, letting your head fall back to grant him more access to your neck. His teeth nibbling at your skin whilst leaving behind small purple bruising. He hummed against your neck; words lost in the back of his throat as he his taste buds went into overdrive from the taste of your sweet flesh.

You hooked your legs around his waist and pulled him closer to you, the buckle of his belt sending shivers down your spine.

Your relationship was a secret, the two of you choosing to keep things hush hush until he had finished filming and you could both have a moment to yourself to discuss what you wanted from each other.

It was nice the way it was, you could spend all weekend in bed and gaze into each other’s eyes without the prying from your friends and family. He had gotten really close with his obx crew; you knew he wanted to introduce you to everyone as his ‘girlfriend’.

“Hey, get your head back into the game. Did you not hear me? I am done filming, no more being cautious.” He growled, gripping your jaw tightly. His eyes had darkened with lust, his body warm under the skin of your thighs.

“Take your shirt off” You ordered, he had to always wear a shirt when you made love. You were prone to scaring his gorgeous skin under the scratching of your claws. "It's me who is doing the devouring".

His shirt was across the room in seconds, his hands immediately tugging at the suddenly suffocating material of your dress. Helping him to yank it off your body and onto the floor. His eyes drinking in the curves and creases of your flawed body.

Your lips found their rightful place on the curve of his neck, teeth digging into the soft flesh. You could taste the salt from his damp skin, his fingers reaching under the band of your knickers until he could feel the warm wet juices that drenched the black silk. “Fuck” he groaned, the heat from his breath hitting the bare skin of your breasts.

Your nipples hardened under his gaze and the groans of pleasure caused your hips to buck towards his fingers that touched your pussy oh so delicately. “Please” you whined, your body buzzed with excitement and lust. He pressed his digits against your sensitive nub, you let out a shriek of excitement and your nails dig into the skin of his back. “That’s it baby girl” he urged, fingers sliding through your wet folds until he was so deep inside of you that you shouted incoherent words.

It didn’t take him long, he had you a bubbling mess within minutes of his fingers arching and stroking the inside of your pussy. Your nails leaving sharp red marks down this back.

Your fingers laced around his cock that pressed harshly against the confinements of his jeans. A shudder running through his body as you tugged him free, pre cum staining his boxers. “That looks uncomfortable, let me help” you whispered, his lips pressing against yours as you moved your hand up and down his shaft.

Both his hands coming down onto the table to hold himself steady, his lips never leaving yours as you tugged and rubbed. The head of his penis reddening as he came close to the end, but instead of him letting you finish him off. He pulled your hand away and griped the small of your back.

Pulling you harshly against him until the tip of his penis sat directly at your soaking entrance, he grabbed your legs and brought heels of your feet to the edge of the table. His eyes taking in the sight of you naked and spread in front of him, he reached into your small purse that sat beside you and grabbed a condom.

You watched intently as he pulled it over his cock, his eyes landing on you as he finished. “Fuck me Rudy” you begged, he pushed himself into you without a second thought.

The sounds of your moans filled the small room, his cock entering you with a slow lazy thrust at first. Your fingers racking through his hair, lips pressed firmly against his and tongues caressing one another. He began to speed up as your nails danced against his back once again, his arm coming around to hold you against him as he pounded into you.

You were both a sweaty mess, your hair sticking to the back of your neck as he nibbled on your collar bone. The feeling of his tip hitting your g spot over and over again had your eyes rolling to the back of your head.

His thumb rubbing lazy circles against your clit. “Oh yeah, oh Rudy, I think- I- think I’m gonna cum” you stuttered, wrapping your arms around his neck and he squeezed you against him tighter. Your breasts pressed firmly against his chest.

The sound of your ass cheeks hitting the desk and the sloppy sounds of his cock moving in and out of your pussy tipped you over the edge. “Shit! I- shit RUDY!” You yelped, black and white spots blur your vision, and your body shook with pleasure.

Your heart racing and sweat dripping down your forehead. “Yeah baby, scream my name. I’m coming, fuck- yeah” he groaned, he too reaching his climax as he clung to you for dear life.

You could feel him empty himself inside the condom, his cock twitching against your swollen walls. The both of you never let go of one another until the vision was clear and both your hearts calmed to a steady pace.

“Jesus, Rudy. I fucked your back” you gasped; the deep red lines decorated his back. He shrugged gripping your chin between his fingers. “No more filming baby, I want you to do that to me every night” he laughed, your lips once against pressed to each other.

---

“Wait, what do you mean?” The morning groggy voice of Rudy awoke you from your slumber. You searched around the room but couldn’t see your boyfriend, pulling the covers away from your body you began to stand.

“Fuck!”

The door opened and he stood in the entrance, he was dressed in sweats and a white shirt. Annoyance written all over his features. “What happened?” You question, making your way over the room and wrapping your arms around his waist.

“I’ve just been called for a retake” he groans into your hair. You exhale and give his collarbone a kiss. “It’s alright, I’ll be here when you’re done. I’m sure it’ll only be a few hours”.

What you had thought would be a few hours turned into several hours because it turned out to be a beach scene. The second he took his shirt off without even thinking and the gasps coming from his cast mates, he knew he had ruined the secret relationship.

“Damn Rudy, who did this to you” shouted Chase, both he and Maddi rushing over to inspect the damage you had left not even 24 hours earlier.

“Shit, I forgot about those” Rudy groaned, he turned to look into the mirror and the lines where still as red and deep as the night before. “Well, the retake scene is going to have to be a full reshoot” the director stated.

Rudy could see the annoyance written on his face, the snippy tone coming from him was not good. “Can’t I just wear a shirt for this scene, and we edit something into the other part of the scene? I’m sorry man, you said it was all done” Rudy apologises, reaching to the pull the shirt back over him.

“Hold up. I wanna take a better look! I also wanna know who’s this freaky lady friend of yours” Drew shouted, rushing from his seat across the room. Everyone began to close in on him, taking in the art you had left behind.

“It’s nothing, let’s not talk about it! We have a scene to retake.” Rudy laughed, urging for the conversation to be over. He knew they had an idea on who it was, no other friend of his had been to set more then you had.

They kept nodding when Rudy would call you his best friend. But they all had that feeling, there was something going on. And this time they would get it out of you.

“I bet I know who it’s from” JD said, giving him a wink from across the room. Rudy looked away but a tinge of red began to appear on his cheeks.

“Aww your blushing! It’s Y/N, isn’t it?” Madi gushes, clapping her hands together like a high school girl. Rudy shakes his head and begins to walk away from the conversation. He wasn’t going to admit to it, not until he had spoken to you and warned you about what had happened.

“Knew it!” Shouted Chase, Rudy rushes to a quiet place and pulls his phone out. Pressing the icon of your photo in the call log. Not even 3 rings later your voices echoes through.

“They know”.

“Knew it!” Shouted Chase, Rudy rushes to a quiet place and pulls his phone out. Pressing the icon of your photo in the call log. Not even 3 rings later your voices echoes through.

“They know”.

#jj maybank #outerbanks rudy #rudy pankow #rudy pankow x reader #rudy pankow smut #jj maybank smut #jj maybank fanfic #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank x you #jj maybank one shot #jj maybank x reader #outerbanks netflix #outerbanks smut #outerbanks x reader #outerbanks imagine #outerbanks cast

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princessmaybank · 4 months

Text

Outer Banks P!Links

~Only JJ, Rafe, John B, and Pope but willing to look for others!~

*I'm aware some of them look nothing like them, but that's okay, it's all for fun*

WARNINGS: MDNI, THIS IS 18+, PORN LINKS

3way with Sarah

Best friends fucking

JJ finger blasting you

Bouncing on his cock

Sucking off Tatted!JJ

Rafe

playing with yourself while satisfying Rafe

Dom!Rafe playing with your little pussy

Stepbro!Rafe helps you out

Rafe taking you from behind

Taking you to pound town

John B

John B and JJ giving you a helping hand

Bouncing on JB's dick

JB eating you out

Shower sex w/ JB

Bouncing on his dick in the car

Pope

Pope puts his hands in your panties

Riding him in public

Destroying each other

Stretching you out

Pope dicking you down

#p links JJ Maybank #p links Rafe Cameron #p links John B #p links Pope Heyward #p links #jj maybank #rafe cameron #john b routledge #pope heyward #outer banks #obx fic #rudy pankow smut #rudy pankow x reader #jj maybank smut #obx x reader #outer banks smut #jj maybank imagine #smut prompts

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xveenusx · 4 months

Text

Guilty

Paring(s): JJ maybank x fem!reader

Summary: it didn't matter that she did everything for him. it didn't matter that she loved him. insecurities ruin a great thing, love can't fix these problems

Authors note: angsty angsty angsty, bad JJ

Song rec: grave by tate mccrae

Part 2: Wanted

Perfect.

Everything had to be perfect.

The perfect dress. The perfect makeup. The perfect boy.

The past several days were borderline catastrophic with JJ getting arrested for sinking Topper’s boat. I begged and pleaded with my parents to help me get him out, promising them anything they wanted. They asked for the one thing I couldn’t give them. JJ.

And yet, I said yes. I said yes because the thought of him sitting in a cell all alone, stuck with nothing but his thoughts made my stomach turn. He’s always thought that nobody needed him. Maybe that was something his drunken father drilled into him but it was far from the truth. I needed him.

Everything had spun out of control and it all started the minute I met JJ Maybank. But I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Being with him was like walking for the first time. Nerve wracking yet exhilarating--freeing.

My life before him was just that, a life. Everything revolved around being the perfect little daughter to my parents. Debutantes, charity dinners, polo matches, and country clubs filled my schedule to the brim but they were rarely there. My mother was running a successful fashion line, working on her latest release while my father was a shark in the courtroom. While I loved every second of splurging on clothes, lavish trips to Europe, brunch at my favorite restaurant, I was missing something. I always felt like something was missing in a world where I had everything.

That’s not to say I’m ungrateful for every opportunity my position and family has afforded me. But when you spend enough time with people you realize are only conversing with you for money or to step on you to increase their social capital, nothing seems genuine.

Everything interaction was superficial and it became isolating. But with JJ, each and every moment we shared was intimate and unfeigned.

He taught me how to surf the swells he spent hours in daily. I learned the slight touch of hand in the art of being a mild kleptomaniac. After several failed attempts and many loud complaints, I could finally balance on his dirt bike.

None of these moments could be bought with money and maybe that’s why I cherished them so much. I cherished them so greatly that I refused to let them go.

And in turn, I couldn’t let him go. Despite the ever growing distance that's wedged itself between us the moment he was released from jail. Maybe it was a pride thing, or maybe it could have been the condescending jabs my dad threw his way, but JJ had pulled away.

My father's threats to revoke the bail money hung heavy above our heads. So tonight, I was going to try and change that. I needed to bridge the gap that had us so far apart. Midsummers was how I was going to achieve that.

Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and held it for several seconds to calm my racing heart. I open them slowly, dragging my gaze along my reflection on the floor length mirror at the entrance to the club. A silky number drapes my dainty figure in the softest brush of yellow with threaded pearls as straps. Ivory satin Jimmy Choo heels from their latest collection decorated my feet.

The familiar rumble of a truck had a grin pulling at the corners of my lips. My parents were somewhere in the building, having been on the board and needed to sign off on some last minute details.

I didn’t mind the constant abandonment. The loneliness that once clung to me had slowly evaporated the moment JJ entered my world.

Grabbing my Chrsitian Dior clutch, I headed for the entrance of the Island Club. A familiar mass of shaggy blonde hair had my feet moving quicker. The minute his face came into view I knew something was wrong.

His lips were tight in a grim line as he continuously shook his head. I quickened my steps, apologizing swiftly to several people who were trying to get my attention.

“I’m sorry, sir. Are you a member here?”

“Well, no, but my girlfriend-.”

“Then I’m afraid you're going to have to turn back around. This is a private club.”

“Listen dude, my girlfriend invited me and-”

“Sir, you need to get back into your vehicle before I call security.” The coordinator, who went by Ryan, dismissed JJ without a second glance.

JJ’s eyes narrowed. “If you’d let me speak-”

“This is private property.”

“Bro, calm down. You’re not protecting the president.” JJ huffed, shoving his hands into his pocket. His cheeks tinted a slight red which had my blood boiling.

He was person. Period. One that didn't deserve to be treated like that especially in such a public setting. I was livid at the thought of Ryan managing to make JJ feel embarrassed.

“You’re not a member-”

“No, but I am.” I snapped coming to a stop beside him, causing the event coordinator to rear his head back in surprise.

“Hey, baby. ” The familiar pull of his voice coated me like the warmest honey. A smirk tugged at his lips at the obvious irritation on my face.

Pausing to give JJ my attention, I placed a soft kiss on his lips and pushed back a wild strand of blonde hair. “Hi.”

The smile he gave me was like a sudden beam of light that hit me square in the chest.

“I am so sorry. I didn’t realize he was with you-”

“Add JJ Maybank to my member account,” My words were sharp and left little room for argument, though they were dripping with the sickeningly sweet tone I mastered at the young age of twelve. “Consider yourself up to date.”

“I’ll get it done.” With that, Ryan tipped his head and left quickly.

I bristled once more, muttering under my breath, ”Dick.” My chest was heavy with guilt at his treatment, wondering if this was actually a good idea. I gnawed at my bottom lip nervously.

This was not how I wanted our night to start.

“I’ve never been a member before.”

Not bothering to conceal my giggle, I turned around and allowed my eyes to drift over every inch of JJ. The black suit I bought him was fitted and hugged every muscle in a way that had my stomach clenching.

Sun kissed hands reached for me the moment I was within his reach. My arms wrap around the mass of lean muscles, my nose buried in his neck. Taking a deep breath, salt and sex wax filled my senses and I let myself relax.

Home. He felt like home.

“You look very handsome.”

A rumble left his chest. “My sugar mama bought it for me.”

Hiding my face in his chest, a loud laugh slipped past my lips. JJ shushed me almost immediately, “People are looking. We can’t have them thinking we’re together.”

I pulled away, trying to keep a straight face at his antics. “We are together.”

“Shit, we are?” He held out his hand, amusement and mischief dancing in his eyes. “My sugar mama can’t find out or she’ll cut me off.”

How could I not love him when he made me laugh so hard my stomach hurt?

I hit his arm with my purse in mock outrage before taking his hand while his other touched my bare back. The feel of his rough calloused hands from all his hard work has me suck in a breath. Those rough hard hands knew my body intimately, inside and out.

“Do that again and I’m finding the nearest bathroom.” JJ leaned down, his lips brushing against the top of my ear.

A clearing of the throat had us both turning our heads. My father stood there with a stoic face, his eyes promising retribution later.

Looking at my father directly in the eye, I place my arm in the crook of his, lacing us together.

“I see you brought a friend.” The last word is spoken with clear disdain.

My grip on JJ’s arm tightened. “I brought my boyfriend.”

“We’ll talk about this later.”

As if they’d actually be home, I thought but decided to keep that to myself.

Deciding that this entire conversation was pointless, I was dragging JJ away from the pair when my father grabbed JJ, whispering something in his ear.

My stomach shrunk and apprehension filled me as the light look of JJ’s face fell, replaced with a flat look and hardened eyes.

“Duly noted, sir.” His mouth curled in a sarcastic snark.

I shot my father a disappointed look. Curling myself into JJ’s side, my arm wrapped around his waist and I tugged us into the party. “Ignore him, please.”

“Already forgotten, princess.”

My eyes watch his face for any sign of distress, but find nothing. Guilt ebbed aways at my walls.

“Let’s go find Mr. Adams. He owns a chain of surf shops. I’m sure if we schmooze him, we can get you a solid job or maybe even a board.” I tossed him a wink that had him grinning.

“I like the way you think. Lead the way, gorgeous.”

Despite his hand on my back, all the warmth we had a mere moments ago was gone. I couldn’t help but notice the small distance he kept between us. One that didn’t exist until my father opened his mouth.

Several hours later, the sun had begun to set and a cool breeze now caressed my bare back. I embraced the cool breeze due to the several glasses of champagne I had.

Despite my love for the warm buzz it gave me, it did little for my bladder. “I’ll be right back.”

His eyes widened in alarm. “You can’t leave me here with these people.”

I smothered my laugh with my hand. “Did you want to come with me?”

“To the bathroom? Kinky, I’m in.” JJ responded, clutching my hand in his before expertly pulling us through the crowd.

Nothing could peel off the cheesy smile that bore my face. Despite the slight hiccup at the beginning of the night, JJ charmed most of the members with his charm and humor. I was hoping with some networking, I could help JJ get some security. I believed he was capable of doing just about anything. He had such determination and never let failure keep him down.

JJ knew how to hussle and I wanted everyone to see his potential, even if at times he didn’t see it himself.

My heels clicked along the granite floor, our hands swinging in the air. A shriek escaped my lips as JJ twirls me around, my dress swishing around my ankles. “Gorgeous.” He puffed out his cheeks, his gaze boring into mine.

Our matching grins were nothing short of radiant. Being with him was easy in a world filled with difficult people.

“Well this is disgusting.”

JJ went rigid. That wouldn’t have concerned me if he hadn’t muttered panicked curses under his breath. “If someone says one more thing to me..”

JJ never let Rafe intimidate him before but for some reason JJ seemed a little more hesitant with this exchange. Realization dawned on me. The boat. Fuck.

I let my hands fall while rolling my eyes and turning to face Rafe. There he stood in all his stuck up glory, not a hair out of place and his suit neatly pressed. He looked every bit of a country member as one could possibly be with the light blue suit paired with a white undershirt and blue bow tie, brown dress shoes on his feet.

“Don’t you have another line to snort?” I asked.

Sure, Rafe was conventionally attractive, if you didn’t pay attention to the blown pupils and the constant brush of his nose or the foggy look in his eyes.

JJ snickered beside me, his hand softly tapping my ass twice in support.

“JJ, go get me a drink.” Rafe cocked his head.

“I’m actually a member here now.” JJ responded, his hand caressed my cheek softly.

Shocked painted Rafe’s face. “That’s not poss-”

Kelce and Topper stood beside him, both in colored pressed suits as well. They kind of looked like the-”You powerpuff girls have fun.” JJ said with a crooked smile and a tip of the hat.

He seized me by the wrist and strode over to the exit. Relief at his plan to avoid a fight was fleeting at Rafe’s next words.

“If I knew a trailer home and food stamps was all it took for you to open your legs, I would have tried a long time ago.”

JJ jerked around in seconds, ripping out of my grip. He stalked towards Rafe, drawing his arm back before connecting with his jaw.

A shout passed my lips, my hands covering my mouth in horror as JJ struck Rafe twice more, one blow hitting him directly on the nose. Blood began to gush out of Rafe’s nose, staining his dress shirt a deep crimson. “Say that shit again. Say it.”

Rafe let out a mirthless laugh, his lips pulled at the sides revealing his red stained teeth. “Once a pogue, always a pogue. Isn’t that right, JJ?”

Kelce jumped into action, his arm wrapping around JJ’s neck, pulling him off a Rafe into an effective headlock. That’s when I noticed two more hulking figures and suddenly we were surrounded.

“Five on one, Rafe? Really?” JJ choked out, tugging at Kelce’s arm.

Without thinking, I walked behind Kelce and slammed the metal clasp of the bag against the side of his head. Once. Twice. Three times. “Let go of him!”

Kelce let out a yelp and jerked back, causing his grip on JJ to loosen just enough for him to get free. I went towards him in an instant, but he pushed me behind him as he surveyed the remaining men in front of us.

Whispers dragged my attention from the scene in front of me as I locked eyes with several members who had poked their heads into the locker area. Shit, this really wasn’t good. I needed to get JJ out of here as soon as possible. I didn’t want to give my father any more ammunition against him.

Clutching his arm, I tugged him once more towards the exit. I could hear more activity outside the locker room which had me pulling at him harder. I wasn’t going to let Rafe make him look bad in front of all these influential people. Over my dead body.

“People are coming. We have to go.”

His chest rose and fell with quick breaths, his steele blue gaze not leaving Rafe’s.

“I’m serious. For me, JJ, please?” My final plea seemed to have pulled him out of his angry haze. Without wasting a second, he let me pull him further and further away from the group. Lacing his hand in mine, I made quick work of fixing his suit and his hair, pressing soft kisses as I went.

“Whenever you’re done slumming it, you know where I am.” Rafe called out from behind us, earning us enough leers from fellow members.

He tore his hand from mine. “Fuck this.”

Apprehension coursed through me.

I could feel the storm brewing with each step he took. I trailed behind, my small steps nothing to his long strides. Rafe hit a nerve. One that JJ refused to acknowledge and let fester for months now. It was the elephant in the room any time I offered to pay anything at all. It bothered him, all the money my family had.

“Ignore him, Jayj.” I called out from behind him but his steps never faltered. “Rafe was just trying to get a reaction out of you.”

I could hear the soft melody of the music drifting over the wind from the party that was supposed to fix all our problems. Perhaps I was sticking a bandaid on a gaping wound.

His shoulders were tense as he stopped a couple feet in front of me, shaking his head. Nerves had my stomach in knots. I only had one shot at trying to fix this. Feelings were never JJ’s thing. He spent months fighting our attraction before he finally gave in. Dating a Kook was never something JJ considered.

Unfortunately, it was something others thought as well because they never failed to remind him. My father included.

So here we are. JJ was backed into a corner and like any wounded animal, he had two choices. He could concede or attack and I knew JJ like the back of my hand. He would never give up, so instead he’d go for the throat.

Too bad it was my throat he went for.

“I understand-” I stopped speaking the moment JJ whipped around, his eyes cutting me deeply.

“You don’t.” I didn’t respond. My eyes lingered on his busted lip and bruised chiseled face. “You don’t understand so please don’t try to make me feel better by pretending that you do.”

I pursed my lips. JJ was right, I didn’t understand what it was like to be in his position, but that didn’t mean I didn’t care. That I didn’t want to take away every ounce of pain if it meant he would be happy.

“You’re right. But Jayj, it’s Rafe.” I argued softly, not wanting to draw attention to us. “He always says shit like that to rile you up but you’ve never let it bother you before. Why now?”

JJ’s face flushed. “Because he’s fucking right. That’s why it bothers me.”

My lips wobbled and I pressed them together. I had gone out of my way to ensure he’d never feel this way. I guess I failed.

I moved closer, my steps unsure and clumsy. “You never said anything.”

My hand rested against his chest, and I could feel the familiar pounding of his heart.

“That’s nothing new.” He lifted his shoulder in a half shrug.

That did little to ease the emotional storm brewing within me. Every interaction since he was little was nothing short of violent and negligent.

He wasn’t used to softness and kindness. We were trying to navigate in uncharted waters but we’re thrown off the boat every time the water got choppy.

“We can go. Let’s just go, baby. Let me just say bye to my parents-“

“Stop.” He demanded, his tone serve. So unlike JJ.

I dropped my hand and instead chose to focus on the sound of our breathing. I had to keep my head on straight, because I could tell he was already building up his wall so high, making his fortress impenetrable.

JJ had never had a consistent thing in his life and I’ll be damned if I let that happen to us.

Squaring my shoulders back, I faced his heated gaze head on. If he wanted an argument, he’d get one, but we’d both be leaving together.

I had no intention of going anywhere.

“Stop?” I echoed, raising my brow.

His eyes were as cold and hard as obsidian. “Yes, stop. How is leaving going to solve any of this?”

“You’re picking a fight with me for no reason. I’m not the one you’re mad at.”

JJ raked his fingers through the sun bleached golden strands causing them to fall along his forehead. “Maybe I am.”

My eyes widened at his words. What had I done? He’d shared every bit of his world with me and I only wanted to do the same.

Was that not what people do when they’re in love? Aren’t you supposed to share your interests with your partner and aren’t they supposed to want to know them?

“For what?”

He tugged at his shirt collar. “Why am I here?”

My brows furrowed in confusion. Why would he even ask that?

“Why am I here, at this Midsummer's bullshit?”

“Because I wanted you to be.” I smoothed out my hair to give my trembling hands something to do. “It’s something that matters to me, it’s not bullshit.”

I had spent months planning this party since my parents were on the board. I wanted everything to be perfect for them and for him. It all seemed silly now. A part of that stung deep in my soul. Bullshit was never a word I used to describe any of the interests he showed me, yet he so easily spouted it at me.

JJ stayed quiet but continued to fidget with the silver ring on his finger. I wanted to close the distance between us but didn’t know how.

“Don’t let Rafe of all people ruin this. His opinion means nothing.”

He lifted his chin. “It matters to your dad.”

I barely held back my wince. “He doesn’t get a say in who I date, JJ.”

“Oh, are we lying to each other now?”

“W-What do you mean?”

“Are we going to pretend that you don’t care about what your parents think?”

I took a step back as though he hit me. “Stop talking before you say something you’ll regret.”

“Everything you do is to get their attention. You’d die without their approval.”

In a manner of speaking, he was right. My parents barely paid me an ounce of attention and it was hard not to think it had to do with me. There must have been something wrong with me for my parents to not want to spend time with me. I spent the majority of my life trying to live up to their expectations hoping to be the daughter they always wanted, but nothing worked. I couldn’t get them to love me.

And he threw it all in my face.

I stared at him with tears in my eyes, hurt and stricken.

At the sight of my tears, he looked away with his jaw clenched.

“Why are you with me?” He hissed, holding out his arms. “It’s not like I can take you to dinner in Paris or buy you the clothes you like so much.”

Insecurity was a cruel thing. It had the power to turn someone as confident and sure as JJ into a puddle of irate nerves. And as his insecurity continued to dig its hooks further into his skin, he continued to rip into me, piece by piece.

“Because I love you. Because you make me laugh.” My voice raised, my hands clenched into fists by my sides. “Where is this coming from?”

Anxiety wound its way up my throat clocking off my air.

“You’re fucking shoes are four grand. Do you know what I could do with four grand? I could get the power turned on in my house, or better yet, pay for the house.” The look he shot me had me wanting to be six feet under. He’d never looked at me like that before. He made me sound vapid and superficial. Like I didn’t spend most of my time on his side of the island.

The guilt I felt early came back tenfold. Guilt for my position. Guilt for the money my family had. Guilt for the things I enjoyed buying, both for him and myself.

Maybe I was just as bad as Rafe.

Pain sliced my chest as his gaze continued to penetrate me like bullets.

“The other side of the island is starving and everyone here is drinking champagne and gambling a mortgage for fun. It’s disgusting.” JJ began to pace, shaking his head in disbelief. “You had me kissing ass to all these people, and for what? A job? Stop trying to turn me into something that I’m not.”

I wrapped my arms around my waist. “That wasn’t what I was doing. I was trying to open doors for you so you had options. All I wanted was to help give you a fighting chance.”

“I didn’t ask for your help.” The words continued to pelt at me, hitting my heart every time. The pressure in my chest only tightened further.

“Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do for the person you love?” My voice shook, matching the trembling of my body. “It never mattered before.”

I'd never been in love before him. I didn't have anything to compare it too since the most affection I get from my parents is a card on my birthday. I thought by doing everything they didn't do for me, supporting and comforting and physical touch, would somehow translate into love.

“Of course it mattered. You’re a fucking Kook.” The raw and angry words seeped into my veins, the audible crack of my heart echoing for all to hear.

My throat constricted. Enough, I couldn’t hear anymore. No, no, no. But JJ seemed to have other plans.

“I mean, I’m standing here in a custom Tom Ford whatever that could have fed me for months. I’m out of my element and it makes my skin fucking crawl. John B is getting sent to CPS and Pope is getting jumped and I’m here at some stupid dinner with the people that did it to him. What does that make me?”

My chest cracked open and my heart caved in. I finally saw the broken boy in front of me. Bruised and broken, completely uncomfortable and unsure of himself.

“Kiara’s a kook.”

“Kiara’s different and you know that.” It remained unsaid but I knew what he was referring to. Kie was a hippie rich chick who didn’t enjoy all the things I did: designer clothes, luxury dinners, expensive food. In other words, I was a self absorbed kook princess that didn’t care for those around me.

It didn’t matter that I spent most of the summer with JJ helping him fix homes in the cut. It didn’t matter that I donated to charities or helped send care kits to those on the cut after the hurricane. It didn’t matter that I spent almost all my free time with him and the pogues just as Kiara did.

To him, I represented everything he hated. It didn’t matter that I loved him so deeply I defied my parents. It didn’t matter that I upended my life and chose to be with him. He could never see past the money, something I had no control over.

I may have been standing in custom Christian Dior and Jimmy Choo, but I’ve never felt more cheap as JJ continued to cut me down with each word.

“Do you want me to apologize?” My pulse spiked as a burst of adrenaline had me spouting the truth. “I had just as much a choice of being born on figure eight than you did on the cut.”

He looked at me like he hated me. “I don’t know how we deluded ourselves into thinking this could ever work.”

“You don’t get to stand there and make me feel guilty for who I am. Just because I have money and like nice things, doesn’t make me an asshole. I’ve treated everyone in my life with kindness. Don't group me with them.”

JJ scoffs, pointing at the crowd on the dance floor. “Them? Them--means your parents, baby”.

“I’ve never treated you less than me.” It was a last ditch effort.

“At least I know what Kook pussy tastes like.” He went for the kill. “Money and daddy issues.”

I stilled. The world stilled. Vicious hurt curled its way into my soul, etching every bit of it until I no longer existed.

Like I said before, I had no intention of going anywhere. But, I guess to JJ, he always had one foot out the door.

I think I stopped breathing. I blinked at him, hoping cameras would pop out and the whole thing came out as a prank. But, no cameras appeared.

Just him and I stood, in a field, an arms length apart but a universe away.

“You don’t mean that.” The words came out strangled. “Take it back.”

He said nothing. I had to bring a fist to my mouth to try and block out the harsh sob that threatened to escape.

“JJ, please.” I begged, my hands catching his arm. “Let’s just go.”

His normal vibrant eyes regard me coldly, a muscle jumping his jaw. I was drowning in my emotions. Everything had escalated to a level I couldn’t fix, because he wouldn’t let me. The bathroom seemed forever ago in the scheme of things. I can see the battle in his eyes of whether to give into his self destructive behavior or to come back to me.

Any hope I had of him coming back to me dissolved in a matter of seconds. A security guard came up behind him, gripping JJ by the forearm and tugging us towards the front of the party. My eyes widened in horror as I realized they were going to parade him around in front of everyone which would just humiliate him more.

“Jeez Daryl, could you loosen up your grip,” JJ complained, attempting to jerk out of the large man’s grip. He didn’t so much as flinch at each of JJ’s gripes either.

"What do you think you're doing?" I snapped, "Let him go, Darryl."

Darryl shook his head and gave me an apologetic look. "No can do. Mr. Cameron complained."

JJ Scoffed. “I can let myself out. I have two legs.”

“JJ, please stop.”

“I appreciate the discretion, Daryl.”

He self-destructed right in front of me. JJ grabbed a drink off an unsuspecting member and chugged it down before tossing the glass on the floor.

In the end, JJ was always going to be JJ. I saw the moment he decided to destroy everything we had. It was a slight shift in his body and that penetrating gaze of his hardened into a cruel amusement. JJ shrugged my hand off his, before his eyes flitter across the crowd as though he's looking for someone. Then I watched as they landed on a familiar brunette.

“Hey, let him go. I’m a member of this club and I invited him.” Kie shouted at Darryl who paused for a brief moment. I could see her parents trying to discreetly get her to stop but Kiara refused. At the sound of her words, an appreciative grin tugged at JJ’s lips.

It didn’t matter that I had said the same thing hours ago. It didn’t matter that I not only defended him but made him a member. I liked shiny flashy things and she didn’t. Apparently, that made her better than me.

“Mandatory power hour at Rixon’s, Kie.” He shouted, pointing at where she stood in front of her parent’s. “Pope, you as well, alright?”

I had a disposition for loving people too much, no matter how they treated me. And for the first time in my life, I didn’t care that I wasn’t presentable. I didn’t care that tears were falling down my face or that my hair was a mess. I didn’t want to be left behind. He promised.

“Let me come-”

Exasperation filled his features. "Take a fucking hint. You can go be with someone like Rafe now. You two deserve each other."

“Alright, Kie c’mon.” He didn’t spare me a second glance. I had to watch as Kie took off running towards him with Pope in tow. JJ held out his arms to catch her, arms she happily jumped into. John B lets out a humored shout while JJ spins Kiara around and they take off.

Leaving me all by myself. My parents nowhere in sight.

And suddenly everything hit me at once. My dress was too tight, my heels were pinching at the skin on my feet, the music was too loud, my hair was a mess. Nothing I did was right. Once again, I was left alone. Abandoned by the one person I thought would never leave. All because I loved him too much and he hated everything I couldn’t control.

I stood there, feeling like a silly little girl in a silly little dress I spent hours looking for, urging him to look back. He never did.

Authors note: I hope I hurt your feelings because I hurt my own writing this :) pls let me know what u think!!! I love hearing from you guys

Tagging my favs: @maybankslover @sipsthecoffee @alyisdead

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