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manikrege · 1 year

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People around me always leave and I'm learning to make peace with it.

You know my biggest fear?

It's not people leaving.

It's that part of me somehow knows.

Part of me knew it the last time I chatted with my best friend who told me "we'd never drift apart because we'll always figure it out."

She moved to another country after that, we promised to keep in touch, but she gave signals indicating she wanted to have a completely fresh start after being held up all her life in the shithole we grew up in. There was no explanation, no closure, neither of us ever reached out. And every now & then, I think of her but I know our roles in each other's lives ended long ago.

I had an instinct that my "farewell" was an actual farewell, like the foreboding you get when you see the veins in the petal of a flower growing greener in wake of its wilting. But when that hunch turned true, I felt betrayed & awkward ... initially. I've seen people do this. I've done it myself to someone else but we got back together after a few years and now I kinda know how they must've felt.

Sometimes humans walk away not because they hate you or love you less.

It might also be because we just focus so much on our own journeys, especially when moving cities, forgetting that we're not mutually exclusive cars traveling on roads but rather droplets of water up in the clouds, with the fingers of our molecules woven tightly more & more with every second we spend knowing each other.

So when we choose different directions out of nowhere, we stretch out other droplets that have become part of our stories, into painful positions. And sometimes, the cloud breaks into tears.

Understand this harsh reality - you cannot avoid displacing others when you're growing. And others cannot avoid hurting you when they grow (they may not even intend it).

Growth is painful for everyone involved.

You cannot just "leave" people, even if it is for good mental health reasons or because you've outgrown them (which is totally acceptable). Thing is, you are people. And people are you.

Every song I have on my playlist is connected to the place I first heard it (I don't know how I can remember them all but I do). And many times those places have been faces of people breaking into grins as they realise I'm liking the tastes they're introducing me to.

What am I supposed to do after these folks have left? Disassociate? Detach? Forget, forgive, move on? I wish it was that easy.

I listened as a special someone tell me recently over call that they don't like me the way they thought they would and I should look elsewhere. Like it's a job and I'm being fired. What is one exactly supposed to do when one hears that?

The worst part is, I knew it this time, too. As I stood in the lift with them weeks ago, giving them a farewell hug before they flew off for the holidays, my heart told me it would be the last time I get to be with them.

I wish I acted on it. I wish I hugged them a little longer and tighter. I wish I made them make some sort of a promise.

But you can't "make" people like you or stay around if they don't want to. And until recently, I used to feel so helpless, anxious and emotionally naked whenever it hit me that I cannot predict the time horizons of most of my relationships.

What these experiences have taught me is that building a relationship, romantic or platonic or professional, has very little to do with love or intensity. Because I know for sure that I loved and gave everything authentically in every relationship that was destroyed for some reason.

Love is an emotion. It comes and flows and goes. It can change, just as people do.

Relationships are an equation of comfort divided over phases of change. To organisms that are constantly changing, which is you and me, comfort can mean giving each other healthy space, trusting judgements, co-operating, being honest and reliable, making yourself available, supporting their dreams, knowing what they like and delivering more of it, being OK about each other's tastes & priorities getting re-arranged over the years, etc.

But at the end of the day, comfort means comfort only yes. And this comfort is also a variable - it changes unequally for different people. Some of us grow out of the zone, willingly or because life tells us we must, while it may have become home for the other half.

Some of us with commitment issues panic when we see that home taking shape so we take premature evasive methods, thinking that it'll be easier if things end before they settle down. But I've spent just a few hours with people and loved them so much, so this stupid idea of time spent together being equal to how close we're with someone completely knocks me out.

If people around us always seem to leave, maybe it's because we look at them as entries & exits? So in response, we either clamp up into ourselves or let bitterness take over.

The problem with seeing relationships as events with beginnings and endings is that it assumes that the characters in it will always stay the same.

Never happens! I will be a different person next year, and a completely different one in a decade by the power of compounding. You will be, too.

I've been with friends who've been four different people over the duration I've known them for. The only reason I think I stuck by is that maybe those changes have aligned with mine or what I think are good for both of us.

This doesn't happen all the time. Sometimes we change against the favour of those who we love. And so we grow apart. That's completely okay.

Maybe for just a moment, if we allow ourselves to just get hurt & grieve in the unfairness of how we're built rather than trying so hard to keep everything together, then maybe it'll hurt for a shorter time.

I am telling myself I met a version of someone when they were perfect for me at that point of time and vice versa. And we're no longer those people because so much has happened so fast. And even if we said so many hurtful things that day, maybe all we were trying to say is that we miss each other an awful lot and we're afraid of it meaning something.

I am learning to let myself get to know people without making up plans for them. I'm learning to build new friendships without feeling the burden of having to maintain them forever.

I am learning to normalize missing someone without feeling guilty about it. We can miss people who hurt us, too, because we miss the parts of them that helped us heal at that point.

It will hurt less once you understand that every person you've met and are about to meet, is a droplet swinging from cloud to cloud, pouring down on hills that hold caves within. You can be interlinked with so many people but are never bound or dependent on them. You'll be fine on your own when it's dawn. Your relationships will always be fluid and unpredictable, their only goal is to give you the chance to craft layer after layer in the caverns of your soul.

People will leave because people are not contracts. And even contracts fall apart.

So go ahead & listen to the songs they liked and let the tune make you feel whatever it is.

Cherish the memories you made. Learn from the mistakes. Rather than trying hard to move on and put things behind, collect the memories and find your strength in keeping them close.

Lastly, every time you feel you're getting more & more broken with every person who leaves, and fear that you will become completely incapable of loving by the time you meet someone actually worthy, just remember that many times, a string of broken seashells can be the most beautiful ornament from the beach.

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kurokens · 3 years

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Burn traitor | Geto Suguru

anime/manga: jujutsu kaisen

character: geto suguru

words: 2080

notes: hey! this is my first geto piece and it's angst hehe. I had this idea for a while now and I finally found a song that inspired me to write it, the lyrics do not really match the scenario but I still think the atmosphere fits. I think it's one of my favourite I've written, not that I wrote it well because, I didnt, I just like making myself suffer apparently because I love writting angst oops... also sorry for any mistakes english isn't my native language! also my requests are open you can find my rules here.

not proof read

song rec: burn x traitor mashup - Hamilton & Olivia Rodrigo

genre: angst

warnings: manga spoilers, violence, major character death, murder, some blood, i think that's it, tell me if i missed anything

You met Geto when you were both in high school, honestly your meeting wasn’t the most romantic, in fact he saved you from a curse on that day. Before meeting him, you had no idea what a curse was and if anyone told you they existed you probably would have laughed in their face. But unfortunately for you, they existed and you wished you had learned about them beforehand, because this was one of the scariest moments of your life. However, thanks to this unfortunate night you met the love of your life. The one who saved you ended up becoming the very person you would become infatuated with. After saving you, you both started seeing each other, going on some dates before making it official. You both seemed to have what people would call the perfect love, your friends would often tell you that you found your soulmates and you truly believed you did. At least that’s what you thought.

Geto had been sent on a mission a week ago, but he promised he would be back for your 2 years anniversary, he said that no matter what he would always find a way to come back to you. So why wasn’t he here, why were you crying in the arms of your boyfriend’s best friend while he was trying his best to contain his own? Why was he saying Geto left? That he killed his parents and ran away to become a curse user?

“He wouldn’t. He can’t do this, he would have told me, warned me at least.” You cried to Gojo.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to believe it either, but I saw him, I talked to him and he did, there is no going back. He won’t change his mind.” He told you, sadness clear in his voice.

“I need to see him too, tell me where I can see him.”You said, begging Gojo with your eyes.

“I think it’s best for you if you didn’t. He didn’t hesitate to kill his own parents, I think it would be safer for you as a non-sorcerer to just let him go, and maybe move away.” The white-haired man tried explaining, but you could only shake your head at him.

“No! You’re lying, you’re trying to keep me away from him. He would never do this to me, to them. You’re a liar Gojo!” Your cries getting louder with each word, you tried escaping the sorcerer’s grasp but it was in vain.

“I’m sorry.” The young man once again said, still not letting go of your struggling figure. “I can’t let you get hurt more than this, I know this is why he didn’t come back to you, he can’t hurt you. Please listen to me, at least this once.”

And listen to him you did, it took a lot of convincing but you did, kind of. You were feeling a lot of things, sadness, anger, betrayal, but deep down you still missed him. You told yourself that maybe he did want to come to you but couldn’t because he knew the higherups would be able to find him here, you were trying to convince yourself that maybe he was missing you just as much and that he would come to find you later, when they wouldn’t be searching for him so heavily. So you waited, a day, then two, and then three, and soon days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months, which turned into years.

It had already been three years, three years since Suguru vanished from your life, three years since he left you behind as if you never mattered to him, as if you didn’t spend two years of your life loving and supporting him with everything you got. Three years since you started waiting for him, hoping to get a sign from him, a letter, a phone call, anything that would tell you he was still alive, and missed you just as much as you did. Yes, of course you were angry, you wanted to scream at him from what he did, but, a part of you still wanted to believe that none of this was true, and that he didn’t do this of his own volition.

It was an ordinary day for you, you were in your apartment, watching the tv while reminiscing about your days with Geto, when a knock on your door interrupted your train of thoughts. Almost like a robot you took yourself to the door, thinking it might just be Gojo checking on you like he had been doing for three years. But when you opened your door, it wasn’t the white-haired sorcerer standing in front of you, no. It was the very man you were previously thinking about, the one you thought you would never see again. You couldn’t believe your eyes, you hoped so hard for this day to happen that now it suddenly became real, you were starting to doubt your sanity.

“Su-suguru?” You eventually let out under your breath after staring at him for what felt like hours.

“Hey…” He awkwardly waved at your frozen figure.

“Hey? Hey??? Is that all you have to say?” You asked dumbfounded, finally snapping out of your daydream. “How dare you? You disappeared right before our second anniversary after promising me you would always come back to me. Three years Geto, you left for three years. And now you come back like nothing happened and the first thing you say is hey? Is that all I’m worth? Didn’t I deserve at least a goodbye? An explanation? A letter? Anything? Do you know what I’ve been told about you? Do know what they said you’ve done?? They said I shouldn’t try to reach you because you would kill me too.” All of your pent-up frustration and anger ultimately getting the best you, and before you could stop them tears were running down your cheeks.

“Look, I’m truly sorry for making you go through all of this. It was never my intention.” The black-haired sorcerer started.

“You’re sorry?” You said incredulously, years of repressed anger finally bursting out. “You think a sorry will cut it? Geto do you know what I went through? I’ve waited for a sign from you for three years. For three years I’ve prayed and hoped that none of what I’ve been told was right. I believed in you, believed in what we had. But now that you’re standing before me all of that hope in you has completely vanished. You don’t even look a bit remorseful for what you’ve made me go through. Sorry? Let me laugh. Are you sorry for the sleepless nights? For the hours spent crying over your disappearance? For the void in my heart that you’ve caused when you left? Are you sorry for the way you broke me Suguru? Are your sorry for the way you’ve emotionally killed me?”

Your monologue left the curse user speechless, he truly was sorry, he wished he could have told you but he couldn’t. He always thought about you, he missed you the most. He wanted to come see you so badly, hug you, tell you how much he loved you, and most of all kiss you, he wanted it so badly but he knew it would only put you in danger, so he didn’t. This is all he wanted to tell you, but couldn’t, he knew you would believe him, and, in the end, this was going to hurt even more.

“I am.” Geto settled on these simple words, he knew it wasn’t enough, he knew it would anger you, but this was for the best, he already made his choice three years ago.

“I can’t believe you. I can’t believe I trusted you, that I thought you weren’t the person people said you became. How foolish of me to have trusted you. Thanks for giving me the closure I needed. At least you’ve done one thing right.” You laughed bittersweetly before reaching for the door and closing it.

“Are you going to do it or not?” A voice suddenly said, holding the door you were about to shut. “This is what we came here for. Remember what you’ve said, this world doesn’t have space for non-sorcerers.”

“I know. I will do it. I just need a moment.” The black-haired sorcerer replied with a heavy sigh which deeply confused you.

“What are you even saying? Stop whatever you’re doing, just leave and let me close this damn door.” You growled, growing annoyed at the fact your door wouldn’t budge no matter how much strength you used.

“So?” The same voice asked, continuing to apply pressure on the door to keep you from shutting it.

“I’m sorry.” Geto sighed sadly, his eyes filled with this same foreign feeling they had before he left for his last mission as a jujutsu sorcerer.

“You already said that, I get it. Now leave.” You insisted, growing scared at your door which wouldn’t close and the look in Geto’s eyes.

“I never meant for this to happen.” Your ex-lover said, bringing one of his hands to caress your cheek.

“What are you talking about?” You inquired, now furiously pushing on your door in hope it would finally close.

“But I have no choice.” The curse user continued, his fingers catching the tears that were still rolling down your face. “I know you will understand.”

“What the fuck are you saying Suguru, get out of here you’re scaring me. I don’t know you anymore. You’re not the person I used to love!” You screamed, hands shaking and still pushing the unmoveable door. “GET OUT OF MY HOUSE.”

“I loved you, I always will. I hope we will be able to meet in our next life and finally be together like we were meant to.” Geto declared before bending down to softly kiss your forehead. “I’m sorry.”

His actions stunned you, you didn’t even have the time to process anything before a warm feeling made its way to your stomach. Quite a familiar and nostalgic feeling if you were asked, the same one you used to feel whenever you and Geto were together, the one which used to spread throughout your entire body when he would tell you he loved you. But today it felt strangely different, almost bittersweet, it wasn’t a feeling you ever wanted to feel again, no, this one hurt, this one burned you to your core, this one was killing you.

“You-” You started before a violent cough interrupted you, one that burned your entire throat. You coughed for a minute before looking down at your hand, and to your horror it was covered in blood.

Panic and confusion flooded your mind, you looked at Geto’s face, searching for an answer, something that would tell you what was happening but the only thing you could see was the one thing you wished you could have seen when he first knocked on this door, remorse. Eventually your eyes trailed down your lover figure, until you saw his arms reaching out to you, you didn’t remember that he was touching you. You followed it to find where his hand was, your stomach. Your vision was starting to get blurry, was it the tears? Or were you losing consciousness? You didn’t really know. All you knew was that this warm feeling in your stomach was getting stronger and stronger. You blinked a few times and finally, you could see clearly, Geto wasn’t touching you, no, Geto was killing you. His arm that you thought was reaching out to you, was in fact piercing you right through your stomach. This warm feeling that kept getting stronger, it wasn’t love, no, it was anger, pain, betrayal, resentment. How foolish of you to have believed in him.

In your last moment of consciousness, you told yourself that you should have trusted Gojo, you should have listened to him and moved overseas. You shouldn’t have had faith in Geto, deep down you knew it, you knew it, but it was too late for regrets, nothing could be done anymore, he won.

“Traitor.” You managed to let out before taking your final breath, the world around you gradually fading to black. The last image you saw was the face of your lover, tears-stained cheeks and remorse written all over it, but it was too late for regrets, he picked the world he wanted to live in and you weren’t part of it.

#saturn's writing #geto suguru x reader #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #spoilers #geto suguru angst #jjk angst #jujutsu kaisen angst #geto x reader #geto suguru x you #jjk x you #jujutsu kaisen x you #geto x you #geto angst #getou suguru x reader

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ariainstars · 3 years

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The Mandalorian: Is He “Better Vader”?

This may sound funny, but please hear me out for a moment.

The further I watch Star Wars’ new live-action tv show, the more I get the impression is that Mando is meant to be a positive version of Darth Vader (the “dark father”).

Father figures usually don’t have a thankful role in this galaxy - either they are absent like Anakin’s, terrifying like Luke’s, or well-meaning but failing in their primary duty of keeping their child safe, like Ben’s.

Not a few fans, though a little mockingly, like to call Kylo Ren “better Anakin” since his conflict is more fleshed out and the whole figure inspires more sympathy. My theory: is Mando meant to be “better Vader”?

It was repeatedly and amply shown that the cause for the never-ending conflicts in the galaxy lie for a large part on the side of the Jedi, whose stuck-up attitude ultimately failed. Their order prohibited personal attachments, and even the wisest among them were not affectionate. This was what drove the all-powerful but passionate Anakin, who desperately wanted to have someone he could love and protect, to his ruin: the moment he finally became a father he also became a ruthless monster. Mando is introduced as a merciless bounty hunter, but as he opens up to the child, he becomes kinder and begins to find friends. He grows even more valiant, but also learns how to be gentle and caring.

Since the Jedi are almost all extinct, but Force-sensitive children still are born throughout the galaxy, we are left with the question of what is to become of them. Some were brought to Luke’s new temple later, but we can assume that not all were identified.

Mando’s little protegee is staying and making life experiences with a guy who doesn’t know anything about the Jedi and has no clue of the source of the child’s mysterious powers, but instinctively does the right things: he keeps him safe, instructs him, scolds him when necessary, and offers him friendship and companionship. (The Mandalorian who adopted him probably was a good father figure, too.) The child never sees his “father’s” face, but nevertheless he trusts him explicitly. Mando is the living proof that coolness and fighting qualities are not opposed to being gentle and caring.

Ben Solo’s tragic fate was the result of failed fatherhood: Luke did not know how to be a father because he had no children of his own and had had no role model, while Han did not trust his capacity to protect his son from his own powers.

The Parallels

Both Vader and Mando are soldiers. Though not Force-sensitive, Mando is extremely strong and well-versed in martial arts; he never shows his face; he wears an armor completed by a black cape which does not seem to have much practical use. He usually speaks only in short, clipped sentences and has a wry, sarcastic kind of humor.

Vader was a follower of the Emperor, factually a slave who had no choice but to obey his master, and wherever he went he wreaked terror. Mando does take jobs from the bounty hunter’s guild, but essentially, he is a free man and often offers his services negotiating on his own terms. Noticeably, he fights against raiders and mercenaries or remnants of the Empire, peace following in his wake.

When he first reaches out for the baby, it looks like the opposite to another famous scene in the saga: here we have the adoptive but good father, while the other was the biological but cruel father. Luke did not take his father’s hand, while the baby instinctively reached out to the man who had protected him.

Note also the scenic reversal: one figure is standing on the right side, hand with upturned fingers reaching out into a void, the scene is bathed in cold light. The other figure is standing on the left, hand reaching down, illuminated by warm light.

When we do see his face once, Mando is lying down and helpless like Vader; he is not disfigured though and despite being injured, he is not dying. Shortly after this he finally accepts his task as the child’s father figure, while Vader died a few minutes after his unmasking and could not fulfil his fatherly task any more. Also, in both cases we learned the person’s real name not long before the mask went off: Anakin Skywalker respectively Din Djarin.

Given the saga’s love for cyclical narrative, this would make a lot of sense. Star Wars is telling us once more how important a protective and kind father is for a child, both as a role model and an attachment figure. We do not know yet how baby Yoda will turn out; but it would have made little sense for the storytellers to think up such a figure in the first place if they didn’t want him to go another (possibly better) way than his more famous predecessor.

Is the galaxy at last healing after the terrible conflicts caused by both Jedi and Sith, and will the good fathers be responsible for a better future, maybe even for the long-awaited Balance in the Force? I hope so.

May the Force be with the Clan of Two. 😉

(On a side note: Vader / Anakin was in his mid-forties when he died. Din Djarin is about the same age.)

After the closure of Season 2, I would like to add a few details that also set Din Djarin apart from Anakin.

Attachment vs. Affection

Anakin’s greatest weakness was his anxiety to lose the ones he loved. In the end, he sacrificed all of his ideals for the purpose of saving his pregnant wife. Luke also loved his friends and wanted to save them, but in that fateful moment before Palpatine, he realized that he would have had to give up his integrity for the purpose, and that was when he decided to throw away his weapon.

Din suffers deeply when he has to give up “his” child to a literal stranger for an indefinite time. However, he knows that it must be done because he does not have the knowledge to train him. Grogu also, reluctantly, lets go when he sees that his “father” is doing the same. This goes to show, again, that he is much stronger than Anakin.

Following Rules vs Following One’s Heart

Like Anakin / Vader, Din takes his helmet off the moment he has to say goodbye to his child. The famous sentence “Just once, let me look on you with my own eyes” comes to mind. Vader was a Sith Lord and Anakin had been a Jedi. Both adhered strictly to their code: Anakin was a faithful Jedi until he became a Sith and Vader obeyed to the rules of the Sith until for a brief moment he acted like a Jedi again (and, also, like a father, which was a first). Mando unmasks not only before Grogu but also

- Luke, who is a total stranger - Moff Gideon, an enemy - Bo-Katan, a possible potential enemy since she pursues the Dark Saber - Fennec, an ally but not a friend - Cara, a friend who never saw his face.

That he is willing for all of them to witness the moment he lifts his incognito shows that Mando is finally listening only to his heart. The Way of the Mandalore, which was his guideline for his entire adolescence and adult life (i.e. thirty years or more), has become less significant to him than the bond he has with Grogu.

Anakin’s tragedy was that he could not follow his heart but that some rules defined by an outside source always were in control. He wanted to be a husband and father and loyal friend, a mechanic and a pilot, not a Jedi or a Sith.

Ben Solo’s tragedy was the same; though not born a slave, he also had no choice about what to do with himself and his life. It was either being a Jedi or a Sith. But we know that he wanted to be a son and a lover, and a pilot.

The same fate occurred to Luke, many years later: the kind-hearted, affectionate young man from Tatooine, who so easily befriended everyone and always was compassionate and helpful became aloof and detached on being a Jedi, because he thought that was what this task required. But in the end, it was exactly what made him not understand and even fear his nephew, with disastrous results.

Din Djarin chose the way of the heart, he is no longer adhering to “the Way”: he said himself that now he can’t put his helmet back on. (Alternatively, he could put it on again, but that would mean defying the Way otherwise.) Grogu has witnessed that a man can very well choose family over a code that was taught to him, even if he adhered to it all of his life. Luke is the one who carries him away, but Grogu looks over his shoulder to his “father”. Luke may become his teacher, but Grogu’s role model, his hero, will always be Din; as it was for Ben with his father Han.

Hints at the Future

Anakin died twice: once on Mustafar, where he also lost his blue light sabre, and on the second Death Star, where he had lost the red one. Din Djarin, at the end of this part of this journey, receives a sabre, although he never wanted it.

With the Dark Saber, a new fate is awaiting Mando. Is his destiny that of being the warrior-king, protective and honorable, that ought to have been Anakin’s place? Maybe. As they say, the best leaders are the reluctant ones. 😊

#star wars #sw #read more #the mandalorian #mando #din djarin #baby yoda #anakin skywalker #darth vader #luke skywalker #han solo #the Jedi #father figures #clan of two #kylo ren #ben solo #greef karga #grogu

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shimmershae · 3 years

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So. I have some more thoughts. Shocking? Yeah, I know, lol.

Let’s see if I can figure out how to purge what’s inside of my overactive brain and have it make some semblance of sense, shall we?

Hmm.

Where to start, where to start?

Okay. So I think it’s safe to say that the flashbacks pretty quickly establish that Daryl has essentially been set adrift. He’s been cast back, in some ways by his own choosing, into a solitary searching life that speaks to his past. He has no anchor anymore, no touching stone--whether that be Rick, who’s presumed dead, or Carol, who’s chosen by default to leave him behind and try to make a new family in Ezekiel and Henry.

That’s important. Because until this season? Until he really matured and assumed, grudgingly or otherwise, the mantle of leadership of the communities?

Daryl was a follower. He took his cues from other stronger personalities. Other people more quick to voice and own their opinions, right or wrong. Like Rick. And Merle before him.

That’s not to say Daryl hasn’t had anything of value to say or add to the communities or to his relationships. He has and he did. Remember back at the Prison how Carol told him he was going to have to live with the love? Daryl was just beginning to find his voice, so to speak. He was emerging, even if they were only baby steps at first, from other seemingly more formidable shadows, and learning even then how to be more of a leader that people looked up to even if he was still content to be a follower.

Being a follower was what he was comfortable with and I’m making some assumptions here, but I’d wager that in his abusive past with his old man, in that household first with Merle then on his own, being a follower and sticking to the safety of the periphery is probably what kept him alive. Being a follower minimized conflict then, I’m sure. Being a follower when he met up with and eventually connected with Rick and the rest of Team Family was probably the safest way for him to make emotional connections.

I’m rambling. I know it and I’m sorry. It’s what I do. Ramble, lol.

Here. I’m going to place the rest of this underneath a cut because I got more winding words than I have wind and most of ya’ll have patience.

With Rick gone, with Carol off trying her damndest to live a fairy tale, Daryl floundered. For all intents and purposes, he was left without any direction, nobody to take his cues from emotionally or otherwise.

I mean, he literally made ever-widening circles searching for Rick, didn’t he? Circles have no end point. They have no real destination. Not really. Daryl essentially lived in a spin cycle of pain and regret and inability to really and truly connect with anybody during those years spent searching for Rick--especially since the person he arguably felt closest to and most comfortable with, Carol, basically decided those past connections Daryl was so desperate to find again were too painful for her and attempted to move on.

He wasn’t emotionally equipped to or stable enough (perhaps still internally dealing with his anger and angst over his torture and imprisonment by Negan at that point in time) to put in the hard work to reestablish those fraying bonds on his own and the man basically lost the plot. His world narrowed down to this latest search. This search for a body. For closure. For a new purpose perhaps?

And you know, the man had to be tired. In some way or another? He’s probably been searching his entire life. It’s kind of what followers do. They look for meaning outside themselves because they don’t feel like they’re enough.

So then Dog, in the form of this happy, accepting, affectionate puppy appears out of nowhere. He’s a welcome distraction and knowing Daryl’s propensity to try to reunite the lost with those they love, he started a new little search.

That led him to Leah.

Leah, who was alone. Like him. Leah, who knew how to survive. Like him. Leah, who was stuck in a place of grief. Like him.

Leah, who--and I don’t really feel like I’m going out on too far or precarious limb here considering how many parallels they literally slapped us in the face with during this episode--reminded him of someone he felt he couldn’t have, not even her friendship anymore because by her choosing to ‘be there’ for Ezekiel and Henry and the Kingdom she was always leaving Daryl behind and that’s a pattern we’ve all long suspected has really caused hurt for Daryl even if he’s long ‘accepted’ and dealt with it with stoicism.

Boy, they really blew the lid off that issue didn’t they? Oh, it was done rather quietly and in a surprisingly controlled manner, but the hurt it caused? The tears and emotion it elicited was brought about with an almost surgical precision that stunned Carol, but I digress.

My point is? Daryl? Innate follower that he is? Daryl had grown accustomed to the human connection he found with Team Family. He was never 100% comfortable with it but he missed it. He craved it. And Rick? Well, deep down Daryl knew the likelihood of finding his ‘brother’ was minimal. And with Carol pulling away and putting more and more distance between them--how deep and wide was that river, ya’ll, before the episode was done? when it started off looking like a small trickle of a stream? how wide was that chasm these two idiots in painfully unspoken love allowed to be formed between them?--essentially the two closest people to him were lost to him, leaving him lost.

So he stumbles upon this woman who is very reminiscent of people that he’s known. He’s figured out, even though he keeps trying to buck the trend, that you really can’t make it alone in the world anymore. And when she shows him some small measure of trust by letting him go? That part of him that didn’t want to be alone kept drifting back into her sphere.

Now I’m not going to go so far as saying Daryl fell in love with this Leah. Because, shipping biases aside? I really don’t feel like he did.

Daryl found solace with Leah.

Companionship.

Remember another time when Daryl was lost? When he felt he had failed another member of his family? Lost what he thought was the last of his family? How alone he was at a crossroads when Joe’s group of Claimers came along?

I’m not equating Leah with the Claimers in any other way except saying Daryl was in a similar headspace when he met her, okay? Before anybody goes off on me. I’m just saying that Leah? She represented what Daryl felt was his one chance NOT TO BE ALONE.

Daryl’s emotionally stunted, ya’ll. He’s made great strides, but trauma always seems to regress him. Thankfully, it seems to regress him less and less as he really and truly matures, but it still has a habit of reverting him back to the Daryl we first met. The Daryl we can easily see growing up in Merle’s shadow.

When he threw that damn fish at her door, I literally laughed for ten straight minutes because that was funny as hell. But honestly? The more I thought about it, the more it dwelled in my mind? The sadder it actually made me because here’s a grown man essentially trying to connect with another human being on an adolescent level.

So much of what we were shown in this episode really just reinforced what I’d already suspected to be true--Daryl Dixon just doesn’t ‘get’ the basics of interpersonal relationships. At least those that could be perceived as romantic. For all that Carol mused it was like he had become a man back in Atlanta, during Consumed and their search for Beth? That man is still very much trying to fumble his way out of the starting gate so far as pursuing a woman in any form or fashion.

This is just my opinion and we all know what they say about those, lol, but Daryl has longed for an even deeper connection with Carol since the Prison. Maybe even before that. I think at the Farm his eyes were opened to her and he started trying to be a better person to match what he perceived as her goodness. Before he even knew she wanted one, he was trying to be a man of honor. Then stuff and thangs happened and shit, like Daryl once told Abe, just never settled. Carol drifted out of Daryl’s reach because he wasn’t equipped with the emotional tools to really go after what he wanted--her in a deeper, different capacity than he’d ever wanted or asked for before--and shit, ya’ll. If loneliness is a choice then Daryl Dixon was sick and damn tired of it.

Do I think there’s even really a choice between Leah and Carol in Daryl’s mind though? A true choice were he to absolutely, 100% realize and know that Carol’s heart was earmarked for him from the very beginning and that she’s suffering from the same delusions that she’s not good enough or deserving of him?

Absolutely not.

Leah knew that even if Daryl never divulged any specifics about Carol. She knew the answer to her ultimatum before she even made it.

And that ultimatum, ya’ll.

Maybe it’s weird, but it put me in mind of when Merle pressed Daryl to make a choice between him and Team Family.

Merle was blood family but like Carol and others said, he wasn’t good for Daryl.

Leah might have offered Daryl some solace from his loneliness but ultimately staying isolated with her and not reconnecting with those he identifies as family is just as damaging as Daryl choosing to follow in Merle’s wake again. Similarly to that situation, Daryl was clearly torn as soon as the words were out of her mouth.

Between loyalty to family and unspoken love.

In case there’s any confusion here, the unspoken love I’m talking about is his love for Carol. He felt something for her back at that Prison. Fight me. He knew she’d be hurt by him going back with Merle, but obligation and family loyalty led him to make the decision all the same.

Still. He knew she’d understand. And she did, even if his choice hurt her.

My thought is that this time? At least initially? Daryl didn’t completely separate his loyalty to family (searching for Rick) and his unspoken love (for Carol) when he made his decision. They’re hopelessly entwined because Carol is a little bit of everything to Daryl--friend, family, the woman he loves and has been halfway in love with for so many years. Initially, he chose the hope that both would come back to him if he just kept searching. Because searching’s what he does. From Sophia to Connie, he’s always searched in the hope of bringing the lost back to those that love them. He’s always searched because nobody searched for him.

Daryl is the ultimate lost boy who grew to be a man and still feels like he hasn’t been found.

But how can he be found if the one person he wants to find him keeps running away?

Daryl didn’t choose Leah.

Not from his heart.

Daryl turned back to Leah because he felt Carol slipping away to where he couldn’t follow her.

If it can even be argued that Daryl chose Leah, it was by default. Of course, he feels guilty. Daryl wouldn’t be Daryl without guilt. He wouldn’t be Carol’s man of honor.

And he is Carol’s man.

She may not be in the place to see it--YET--but she’s getting there. She’s fighting hard against her natural inclination to run. She’s trying. She knows what she wants, even if she doesn’t believe she has the hope of getting it.

Daryl knows what he wants, too. He knows, once and for all, where he belongs. He’s stopped searching. He knows she’s right there. There’s no more circles. There’s just a final destination if he can convince the love of his fucking life to stop running from what they both want.

He may have left that note for Leah, but you can’t convince this viewer that he didn’t write those words for Carol.

And that’s all I got to say about that.

For now anyway.

Omigosh, lovelies.

So sorry for the emotional word vomit but thank you so much for indulging me even if I did lose my original point somewhere up there, lol.

#The Walking Dead #Season 10C spoilers #Caryl #Carol x Daryl #Carol Peletier #Daryl Dixon #Melissa McBride #Norman Reedus #gorgeous people #my precious babies in love #things that make me smile and cry #for reasons #my heart

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the-firebender-girl · 4 years

Text

The Dragon’s Bride (Zuko x Reader)

A continuation to “The Dragon’s Mark”

-> Planning a wedding turned out to be way harder than ending a war.

A year has passed since Zuko formally courted Y/N. Ever since then the Fire Nation has been busy preparing for the wedding of a lifetime, after all the wedding of their Fire Lord is celebrated as one of the national holidays. It’s a grand occasion made for all, excitement buzzing in the air.

Wedding planning has been.... interesting, if you want to put it kindly. Y/N never knew that her wedding will be this elaborate. Iroh and Ty Lee has been drilling her non stop every single day on all the important details, especially when it comes to Fire Nation culture and customs. Long story short, she’s feeling more than slightly overwhelmed.

Today her parents will arrive in the capital, they had sailed all the way here from Agna Qel’a from about a month ago, it’s quite a long journey to make after all. This is definitely a break that she deserves and look forward to, although Zuko is all worked up about it, scared that they won’t like him. Not that she can blame him for feeling that way, after all he was there when the Siege of the North happened, and in some ways played a part in what follows.

But Y/N assured him time and time again that no matter what, she would do anything that she could to convince her parents to accept him as their son-in-law. She truly believes that despite his questionable past, Zuko has learned a lot and he has changed into a fine man. She only hopes that her parents could see him in that light too.

Zuko and Y/N stand side by side in the deck of the harbor, ready to welcome the visitors from up north. Specks of blue dot started to appear in the horizon, signaling the arrivals as the shape grew bigger and bigger. As the boats passed what remains of the Great Gates of Azulon, Y/N can see clearly the double-hulled vessels powered by waterbenders. Lips tugging up into a smile at the anticipation of meeting her parents again, how she misses them.

Y/N look to the side towards her betrothed just to find him swaying back and forth even though his feet is planted firmly. Hands fidgeting with the edge of his crimson robe. Biting his lower lips as his eyes is trained on the approaching ships. Even though the Water Tribe ships aren’t designed to be half as intimidating as how they make it in the Fire Nation, it still doesn’t help Zuko’s case.

Y/N chuckles and reached her hand towards Zuko’s, clasping their hands together. His head snapped towards her and he gave her a weak smile, a poor attempt on his part to cover just how anxious he is.

She extended her other hand to settle on his cheek, rubbing it soothingly. Feeling the texture of his freshly shaven skin, Iroh has been bugging Zuko to try and grow a beard or at least some stubble. But it seems like the idea hasn’t grown on him yet.

“You doing okay there, champ?” Y/N asked softly, cocking her head to the side.

“Honestly? I think i’m about to faint any moment now” Zuko replied, grimacing.

She trailed the both of her hands down slowly and finally settling on his waist, pulling him in closer into a hug. She leaned her face forward so that the tip of their noses and forehead are touching. Zuko sigh contentedly, enjoying all the ways that their bodies came into contact with each other. Relishing the feeling of her being soo close to him. Y/N once said that he might have a case of touch-starved, reluctant as he might on admitting it, he’s starting to see her point.

“Don’t let go” He mumbled out breathily and he earned another chuckle from his lover, a sound that always brings a smile to his lips.

“I see the appeal, love. But how are we supposed to greet them properly with the sickening amount of PDA that we’re displaying?” She teased him, to which Zuko just grunt in response, grudgingly putting some space between them.

They turned to look towards the ships, seeing that now it has dropped its anchors and the ramps are being lowered to the harbor.

One by one the passengers stepped out, the first few ones out is Chief Arnook and his wife, followed by the rest of the Council of Elders. Then two familiar figures made their way down, Tulok and Yuka, Y/N’s parents.

Y/N waved a hand excitedly towards them and they too gave a bright smile in return as they approach. When they all have stood in front of each other, Zuko and Y/N bow first to show their respect towards the elders, and they too follow suit after.

“It is my pleasure to welcome you here, Chief and Chieftess, I wish you a pleasant stay and the best of the Fire Nation can offer” Zuko said, addresing the leader of Northern Water Tribe.

“The pleasure is all mine, Fire Lord Zuko. After all this is a joyous momentum for both our people, the joining of Water Tribe and Fire Nation” Chief Arnook said solemnly, face showing his earnestness and support towards the union. “And it’s good to see you too, Ambassador Y/N” He said, looking towards Y/N.

“As do I, Chief Arnook. Thank you for coming all the way here for my wedding” She gave him a grateful smile.

The chief and chieftess then moved back to give space for Y/N’s parents. Y/N can hear Zuko’s breath starting to get heavy and she discretely put her hand on his lower back, rubbing soothing circles there.

Zuko and Y/N gave another bow, this time lower than the previous one. “Elder Tulok and Yuka, i’m humbled by your presence” Zuko said, still maintaining his bow.

“That is supposed to be my line, Fire Lord Zuko. Although formalities should be put aside if can, seeing that soon we’ll be family” Tulok said warmly, catching him by surprise.

Y/N’s mother also gave him a welcoming smile. “Thank you for taking care of our daughter, Fire Lord Zuko. And please just call us Yuka and Tulok, no need for the titles”

Zuko gave them a nod and smile back in return, “Of course, but only if you call me Zuko, after all i’ll be your son soon like you said”.

Y/N felt her chest swelling with happiness at the exchange between Zuko and her parents, they are off to a good start and that is more than she hoped for. Hopefully the rest of the week will be even better.

———————————————————————

That night, Y/N was preparing for bed, humming a tune under her breath when the door to her bedroom swung open.

It’s Zuko, standing in his sleeping robe, hair cascading freely down his shoulder. It’s getting quite long and she really likes how it looks on him, by Tui how is it even possible for someone to be that effortlessly good looking.

“Hello there, my soon-to-be husband. What brought you here?”

Zuko stood for a while, just leaning against the door, watching her. Wondering to himself how did he ever get soo lucky?

He took a few strides in and sat on the edge of her bed. “Uncle has taught you the complete procession of a traditional Fire Nation wedding, right?” He asked.

“Only about three times on every single day, him and Ty Lee both” She said, rolling her eyes. Even Zuko let out an amused snort. “What about it?”

“The tea ceremony... it’s been weighing on my mind a lot lately, more and more as our wedding draw closer”

Y/N’s expression turned into one of understanding as she knows for sure it’s not pity that he needs. The tea ceremony comes after the exchanging of vows, the both of them are supposed to serve tea to their elders, meaning their grandparents and parents. But Zuko only has Iroh, of course there is Ozai but it’s not exactly ideal isn’t it?

She moved towards where he’s currently sitting and let his head rest on her shoulder, fingers moving up to tangle itself between his silky locks.

“What do you want to do about it, Zuko?” She asked him softly.

“I know I owe him nothing... my father I mean. But it’s just that I’d like him to know that his son is getting married, not that I think that he would care. I was never his favorite child”

“Hey look at me” Y/N glides her fingers to cup his chin, moving it upwards so they see eye-to-eye. “There’s nothing wrong about what you’re feeling. I know that Ozai is a bad person and there’s nothing we could do about it, but he’s still your father”

“Yeah... I just feel so... helpless and pathetic. All he ever did was shun my existence and treat me like trash, but here I am still wanting to keep him on the loop as if it would matter” His eyes are closed, face contorting into one of pain. Y/N can’t even imagine the depth of his inner struggle when it comes to his family. She even felt bad because family is everything to her, and she’s lucky to be blessed with a great one.

“Look... the decision is all yours. If you decide to face him one more time then i’ll support you no matter what, get yourself the closure that you need, Zuko.... and find peace”

“Y/N?” He called for her, there’s a change in the tone of his voice, no longer somber.

“Yes, love?”

“You’re starting to sound more and more like Uncle Iroh these days, I think you’re spending too much time around him”

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” She asked, scrunching her eyebrows together, slightly confused.

“Meh...” Zuko said, shrugging his shoulder. “ —I haven’t decided yet”

———————————————————————

After his defeat and stripped of his firebending abilities, Ozai was sentenced to a life in prison for several war crimes. The Capital City Prison where Iroh was once held captive, is now his new home. To spend the rest of his life behind bars and cold stone walls, with the ghost of his failure as the only companion.

But perhaps today fate and Agni decided to humor him as the door that leads to his cell swung open, revealing none other than the face of his son, the new Fire Lord.

Ozai hands involuntarily clenched at his side, face pulled into a sneer at the unexpected visitor. He watched as Zuko closed the door behind him, his other hand balancing a tray of teapot and 2 small cups.

“I was not aware that tea is a specialty of this particular prison” Although what Ozai said could passed as a banter, his cold tone indicates anything but that.

Zuko took his sweet time sitting down, folding his legs crossed style and placing the tray in front of him slowly. Keeping his nerves intact and delaying the inevitable as long as he can.

“It’s jasmine... care for some?” He finally spoke, looking straight back at Ozai’s amber eyes for the first time since he entered the room.

Their fondness for jasmine tea is the only thing that Zuko can confidently said shared between the two of them. Even the first time that he tried this kind of tea when he was little, was from the leftover of his father’s unfinished drink. He was curious and the tea was still hot anyway, so he took a sip. The deliciousness of the brew tickled his taste bud. That’s how he developed his love for jasmine tea until today.

Although Ozai made no answer nor any indication, Zuko still poured the hot liquid into one of the cups and slide it beneath the bars. The calming scent of jasmine filling the air, ridding it of the usual dampen smell.

He poured another cup for himself, all the while sparing one or two glances his father’s way. Watching the calculation that he could see clearly behind his eyes, although he’s never good at reading him, Zuko can definitely tell that right now he is bemused.

His hand toyed around with the cup, drumming his fingers on it. One two seconds later he finally grasped it and bring the cup under his nose, eyes closed, inhaling the scent deeply as he swirl the liquid around counter clockwise.

After he took one long sip, Ozai turned his attention to Zuko. Taking in his appearance, from the Fire Lord headpiece to the flowing ornate robe.

“To what do I owe the pleasure of being graced by His Highness’s company?”

The stony look plastered on his face combine with his disdainful voice nearly made Zuko freeze on spot, it certainly brings back a lot of bad memories.

“I’m getting married” He said, keeping his voice as even as possible, showing no sign of emotions, just as how he taught him.

But that statement piqued Ozai’s interest as he raised one of his eyebrows. “Indeed?”

“My betrothed... she’s Northern Water Tribe” He continued, trying to gauge out a reaction. It surprised him that his father still manages to keep his restraint.

“How....” Ozai stopped mid sentence, cocking his head to the side, eyes looking upward as if thinking hard. “—Intriguing” He finally said, finding the fitting word that he’s looking for.

“Intriguing? that’s it?” Zuko asked, now he’s surely the more confused one out of the two.

“Well at least she’s not Southern, what else do you expect me to say, Zuko?” Ozai retorted back, he is clearly enjoying this confrontation. “I don’t think any of your actions would astound me ever again, ever since you turned your back on me and chose to support the Avatar, I know better”

Zuko let out an aggravated yell, “I don’t know why I even bother”

Ozai had the nerve to laugh, “Believe me, son. I thought the same thing, if you think keeping me here is going to change anything well you misread it all, I raised you better than that. That is stupid even for you”

Zuko stood up quickly, tossing one last look at his father, “Bold of you to say you raised me when you were never there”

He turned around and reach for the door handle, turning it open.

“Goodbye, father”

Then he closed the door after him, along with a chapter of his life.

———————————————————————

Y/N is bringing her parents along to take a stroll through the palace. Showing them all the nooks and crannies that she herself has gotten familiar to. They had visited the gardens earlier and now is in the Royal Gallery, a hallway that displays large hanging portraits of previous Fire Lords.

“They executed the menacing look excellently, that’s for certain” Tulok said, head tilting upwards, eyeing the portrait of Fire Lord Sozin. He looked both amazed and terrified at the same time. Her father is quite the art enthusiast after all.

“I believe that’s exactly what they aimed for, dear. To strike terror into whoever is looking, fear is power to them” Yuka replied as she too stand in-between the portrait of Azulon and Ozai, admiring the details.

Meanwhile Y/N chose to stand a few feet back from them as she already had her fair share of looking at every single portrait there. But then Yuka turned around and direct her attention to her daughter, “Does Zuko not want a portrait of himself? I see that it stopped at Fire Lord Ozai” She asked curiosly.

“I don’t think so, mother. He said the style of the portraits doesn’t suit him, he doesn’t want people to view him like his predecessors”

“I see, that’s a relief” Her mother look satisfied with the answer, even letting out a smile. But her father doesn’t look appeased.

“Sweetheart?” Tulok said as he slowly approached her, taking the both of her hands in his. Her mother follow suit by placing one of her hands on her husband’s shoulder.

“Are you happy here? now don’t get me wrong, I know you are a smart woman and you’ll make all the right choices but as a parents we can’t help but worry anyway” Her father started out, her mother hummed in agreement, nodding her head. “Especially because your marriage is such a unique case, of course there are lots of people who have done this before you, marrying someone from other nation. But sweetheart, you are marrying the leader of a nation, your burden is way bigger than them”

Y/N gave her parents a reassuring smile and she placed her palm on top of her father’s hand. “I know you’re worried, but please father and mother, there is absolutely nothing for you to worry about”

“I am happy here, truly. And Zuko... he’s everything to me, I love him to the ends of this world. I always dreamt that one day I will find someone who will love me the way that you love mother, and I believe that I have” She said earnestly. Her words brought some sort of comfort to her parents.

“If you are happy, then that’s all that matter to us, sweetheart” Yuka said, giving a kiss to the crown of her head.

Y/N hugged both of her parents tightly, “Thank you... for everything”

And the three of them stayed inside the embrace, letting faith run its course.

———————————————————————

1 day before the wedding....

Y/N and Zuko sat side by side in the Royal Spa, with Tulok, Yuka, and Uncle Iroh as audience. A handmaiden stood behind them, holding a tray with 2 scissors and a red pouch on top of it. They are about to do one of the sacred traditions for bride and groom before their wedding takes place.

The handmaiden passed out the scissors to each of them and thus the ceremony begins. Y/N hold a lock of her hair and cut some of it off. Zuko doing the same thing beside her. Uncle Iroh then stepped forward and took both locks of hair and tied it together in a knot. The handmaiden present the pouch to him and he put it inside carefully before sealing it tight. The tying of knot signifies the bride and groom becoming one in flesh and blood to live happily ever after, or so they believed.

In no time at all, the ceremony is done and Uncle Iroh congratulated the both of them. Tulok then approached Zuko and said “May I have a moment?” to which Zuko nodded.

Both men then stepped out to the hallway outside to have some privacy.

“I know you are the Fire Lord and all but if you hurt my daughter in any way, I won’t hesitate to hunt you down myself” Tulok said, damn Zuko is even more scared now than he was at his first Agni Kai.

Zuko gulped and gave him a firm nod, “Understood, sir. I wouldn’t have it any other way and I promise you that that’s the farthest thing from my mind”

“I love your daughter with all my heart, by Agni I would die for her if I must”

Tulok’s cold manner melted, replaced with a knowing smile, “I know you do, I can see it in your eyes”

“Thank you for making her happy, Zuko” He said as he suddenly pulled Zuko into a hug.

A stunned Zuko hugged him back awkwardly, clearly taken by surprise but he accept it anyway. “Oh and Zuko?” Tulok said again, making him straightened his posture back so that he can look at him better.

“You can call me father... if you want to that is”

Zuko is overcome with bliss, not only did he earned Tulok’s blessing but now he is openly accepting him in the family. A wide grin made its way to his face, making him appeared like his younger self but less burdened.

“Father....” Zuko said, testing the word out to which Tulok gave him an encouraging nod.

“Father works for me” He said lastly, as both men gave each other a pat in the back before they walked back inside the spa.

———————————————————————

The Wedding....

Y/N took in a deep breath, admiring her surroundings as she stood in front of her now husband after exchanging their vows. Smiling at him brightly as she can’t contain her happiness that this day has finally come. Although wedding is usually presided over by a Fire Sage, Zuko and Y/N decided to have Aang to stand in instead. Which is the right decision since he made it a lot more fun and enjoyable. He might have even tripped over the words at some point, he’s not even the one getting married but his excitement is sky-rocketting.

The wedding ceremony is held in the Throne Room that has been transformed completely it’s even hard to recognize at first. Large-scale decoration in the form of red lampions and lanterns of flowers decorated every inch of the walls. The invitees cheered loudly as they sealed the vow with a kiss. Zuko even vaguely heard Sokka’s voice shouting “OoOhH get it, buddy!!!” over the crowd.

They decided to keep the kiss short but sweet to save some for later, when they’re finally away from prying eyes (and Sokka’s inappropriate comments). Zuko and Y/N moved to do the next procession which is Baitang. Firstly they bow to worship the heaven and the earth. The second they bow to Tulok, Yuka, and Iroh as a respect to their elders. For the last bow, Zuko and Y/N stood face to face and bow to each other as a respect to one another as husband and wife.

The last item that they must do is the tea ceremony. The very thing that Zuko was stressing over sometime ago, but now he feels nothing but relief. He had done his duty as a son by serving tea to Ozai, although it’s under a rather unconventional situation and doesn’t turned out the way he wants it to. But at least he had tried and that’s what counts most.

Zuko and Y/N both knelt in front of Tulok, Iroh and Yuka, as a handmaiden passed a boiling teapot to them. This time it contains ginseng tea, Iroh’s favorite, as per Zuko’s request. Zuko took delight in the way his uncle’s eyes lights up as he recognized the scent and throw a big smile his way. The both of them then poured the liquid carefully into separate cups and served it. The sound of striked gong reverberated around the room, signaling the end of the wedding ceremony. And Y/N and Zuko rise together, now officially the Fire Lord and Fire Lady of the Fire Nation.

Y/N watched as performers started to crowd the makeshift dance floor, Fire Nation performers stood to the right and Water Tribe performers to the left. With the steady beat of drum accompanying them, they started to perform both fire and waterbending. Awed gasps can be heard all over as all eyes are on the elegant harmony that the performers have successfully created out of the two opposing elements.

Y/N and Zuko sees it as a promise of what’s to come, of what the both of them can achieve despite their differences. They are fire and water and they are made for one another.

———————————————————————

A/N : Whew that’s definitely a long one! Personally I love this so much I think this may be my best piece yet but I would love to hear what you think about it 😄☺️ As always, feedbacks are appreciated and hoped for!! thank you for reading 💙❤️

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dragonologist-in-the-making · 4 years

Text

You’re Here

Pairing: sirius x fem!reader

Summary: it’s sirius’ birthday, so the reader decides to finally confess their feelings.

a/n: eeeeee I’m back!! Sorry it was such a long break, I can’t promise this is a permanent return but it’s Sirius’ birthday today so I had to do a special fic for him xx hope you enjoy!!

wordcount: 2k

…

He sat in front of the fire, the warm glow from the dying flames flickering on his face, in a way that could easily enchant anybody who happened to be watching the scene. In fact, it already had. y/n was sat on the sofa, pretending to be engaged in the conversation happening around her as she couldn’t help but let her eyesight drift back to the raven haired boy sat in front of her. She’d noticed this starting to happen in their fifth year, and despite knowing what it meant and trying to push the feelings away, here she was in her last year of Hogwarts, still hopelessly in love with her best friend.

“Well, I think I’m going to head upstairs.” His soft voice entered the conversation, as he stretched and dragged himself off the floor, sleep clearly weighing his eyes down. The group of friends all wished him a goodnight and a brief silence settled over the common room as he left, leaving the group of four friends to sit with their thoughts for a second.

y/n sat with her knees pulled up, thinking of her friendship with Sirius, how close they had always been. She’d been part of the Marauders since that first day on the train, and had always loved the four of them, but she couldn’t help the pull she had to Sirius. Maybe how it was despite everything he’d been through with his family, he was never scared to be vulnerable around her. Maybe it was how no matter how many girls he kissed, he would save his brightest smiles for her, and would (and had) drop any of them the second she had said she needed him, no matter how insignificant an outsider might have thought the reason to be. Wrapped up in her thoughts, she felt her cheeks warming, a combination of the warmth from the fire and the warmth from her heart. However, when a voice finally broke through the silence, embarrassment won over, heating her cheeks more than anything had so far.

“Merlin, y/n, you look like a lost puppy. Can you both please just admit your feelings to each other so we can get past this.” She glared at James between her fingers, throwing a pillow with deadly aim, smirking as he squeaked in surprise. “I do mean it though, there’s nothing to lose.”

“He does talk about you constantly. It’s rather sweet, if you forget how annoying it is.” Remus piped up, putting a hand on her shoulder reassuringly. “You both know how the other feels, you’re just too scared to say it out loud, in case you cross a line you can’t go back on.”

“And this middle ground won’t stop things from going south, if you never talk about it.” Peter added as the boys began to collect their things, clearly going to join their dormmate and retire for the evening. As they all said their goodnights, y/n sat alone thinking over their words, a plan forming in her mind as she glanced out the window at the glistening October sky.

…

She sat at her desk, November 2nd, folding the parchment once the ink had dried, sealing it and carefully writing his name on the front. She waited in the common room, heart racing as the fire died beside her, up much later than was healthy, but determined, the anxiety helping to keep her awake as she waited for the elves. Finally they came, and with a kind smile and a little pleading, they promised to take the letter from her and leave it and the end of Sirius’ bed, amongst the pile of presents that was undoubtedly there for when he woke up. She smiled to herself, glad that so far everything had seemed to go smoothly, and went back to her dorm to try and sleep, feeling finally that good things were on their way.

Sirius woke up to the cheers and whoops of the boys, singing a badly harmonised happy birthday tune. He laughed, sitting up and reaching to start opening his presents, knowing the harassment would only end when he had done so. He spotted a letter with his name on it in familiar handwriting, one for sure he knew hadn’t been there when he had gone to sleep the night before, and quickly slipped it under his pillow, deciding to read it when the boys weren’t watching his every move. He flew through the present opening, and soon enough his three friends were preoccupied in getting ready for their classes, giving him the spare few minutes he needed to inspect his most interesting present of all. He carefully unfolded the letter, his heart rate picking up as he spotted y/n’s handwriting and how carefully it had been written, free from the usual scribbles and splotches he saw when she wrote.

Siri,

Happy birthday, love, I know you were worried about today, with it being the first birthday since you moved in with the Potter’s, but today’s about you, and your real family are all here to celebrate with you, and for you, as you turn seventeen and start to think about life past graduation (with all of us by your side, of course). I know this is a slightly unconventional present, and I would appreciate it if you kept this a bit of a secret for the boys, for now at least.

I just wanted to say how proud I am of you. You’ve faced more than I could ever imagine and had to grow up so fast, but you’ve always been unwaveringly loyal to your friends, considerate and kind throughout it all, truly striving to become the opposite of who you were raised to be. I’m so, so, glad that you took my hand that day on the platform, bringing me into your carriage on the train. I couldn’t picture a life without you, and sometimes I forget just how insanely lucky I am to have you around. Believe that, because I know you’re feeling sceptical right now, but I mean it. You’re phenomenal in every way.

Y/n sat at the table in the great hall, eating a pancake and sipping on her tea trying to push down her nerves waiting for the marauders to come and join her as they did every morning. Hopefully, Sirius would have read the letter by now, and she could have some closure either way. Preferably not one way, though. She heard them before she saw them, the loud laughs bouncing through the Entrance Hall, recognisable to anyone in the school. Despite her nerves, she couldn’t help but smile as they walked in, enthusiastically waving to her as they walked over, sitting down in their usual seats. Some of the tension dropped from her shoulders as Sirius sat next to her, gracing her with a smile.

“Happy birthday, Siri.” She smiled, heart catching as his fingers grazed hers under the table. Was it intentional? “Get any nice presents this morning?” She hinted, hoping she could keep up the façade if everything crumbled around her. To her glee, his smile stretched a little wider, a glint in his eye she knew, one that meant he was keeping a secret. Luckily, she was in on it too.

“Couldn’t have asked for anything better.” He smiled, staring straight at her, winking quickly before turning away and filling his plate up with food. She grabbed his hand more firmly under the table, feeling her confidence grow even more when he squeezed it back. She smiled down at her plate, barely believing this could be happening. The rest of breakfast passed in a blur and soon they were heading their separate ways to classes. With one last birthday wish, y/n and Sirius were dragged away from each other, more reluctant than ever before to be anywhere but at each other’s side.

I also wanted to thank you. You’ve never failed to be there for me, whenever I’ve needed you, without having to say a thing. You make me laugh impossibly hard, to the point where I can’t breath and my sides hurt almost constantly. You have a way of twisting anything into something positive and you truly make me believe you when you tell me that things will work out okay. I think in part, I believe they will be okay, because it’s you. With you, everything is okay. In fact, okay is a major understatement. With you, everything is perfect and right.

After dinner, an hour full of more stolen glances and secret hand-holding, y/n had urged the boys upstairs while she carried onto the seventh floor, pacing in front of the tapestry until a door appeared. She walked across the room lightly, trying to focus as she decorated but her thoughts kept drifting back to a certain man, and even though she was fairly sure of the outcome, she couldn’t help but keep the nerves at bay.

You’ve always been the best of friends to me Siri. But if I’m being honest, for a long time now you’ve also been so much more than that. When I’m with you I can feel truly safe, like no matter what happens it can’t touch me because you’re there and you dull everything else. I would be lying if I said I was indifferent to your charms. You’re utterly gorgeous, and my heart flutters when you give me that brilliant smile, the one that I know you save just for me, the one that makes me fall a little harder every time I see it. Your touch is electric, nothing else can be simultaneously so adrenaline-sparking and so comforting. I love the fact that you learned to braid hair for me now that Lily’s all busy with James. Sirius, I love you.

And unless I’m horribly mistaken, I think you love me too. Our friends seem to think so. So tonight, I’ll be in the Room of Requirement with some music, waiting for a dance. If you don’t show, I completely understand, and I won’t bring this up again. But if you feel the same, I hope this was a good enough birthday present for you to.

Yours, if you’ll have me,

Y/n

She finished lighting the last candle, hearing the door handle turn behind her, and the soft creek of the old door opening. She turned, seeing him stood there, the letter in his hand, usual confident aura gone in favour of one that was utterly relaxed. Her face broke out into a breath-taking grin and she bounced forward the few steps that it took to close the gap, straight into his open arms.

“You’re here.” She breathed, finally feeling all the tension and the nerves leave as she admired him, eyes searching his for any trace of doubt and finding none.

“Of course I’m here, there’s no where else I’d want to be.” He smiled, stuttering her heart. “Thank you for the letter, I’ll cherish it forever.” His hand moved to cup her jaw, as the other stayed circled around her waist. She couldn’t do anything but stare at him, completely enthralled in the moment, lost in him. The record playing softly changed to a new tune, and Sirius slowly began to sway the two of them, moving ever so minimally to the beat of the music, neither able to look away from the other.

“I’ll write more.” She broke the silence, “I’ll write them forever as long as you enjoy them. I’ll give you everything I can.”

“I only need your heart. That’s already more than I could imagine.”

“It’s been yours for a long time. Keep it, I like the way you love it.”

“I do,” he breathed out, watching her eyebrows furrow slightly in confusion. “I love it. I love you, y/n.”

He leaned in closer, seeming to hesitate for a moment, looking into her eyes, seeming to ask permission. She nodded, maybe too eagerly, eliciting a laugh from him as her eyes fluttered closed and he pressed his lips to hers, slowly and softly moving together before they broke apart again.

“Happy birthday, love.” She smiled, leaning in again as the dance was all but forgotten.

#harry potter #harry potter x reader #harry potter fic #sirius x reader #sirius black #sirius #sirius black x reader #marauders #marauders era #marauders x reader #happy birthday sirius #padfoot #padfoot x reader

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nakunakunomi · 3 years

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Chapter I - The Seed

Chapter Summary: Sometimes love happens spontaneously. Sometimes it needs some time to grow. Yours has been growing for a while now.

Chapter warnings: mentions of child neglect (vaguely), slight manga spoilers (if you squint)

Word count: 1.7k

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Love is very much like a flower. The seed can be planted very early on, and may need some time to grow. And without love, sunlight and patience, a flower may never bloom. The seed of your love was planted when you were only a child.

You weren’t really sure when exactly you saw him for the first time, but you knew he captured your attention right away. You were walking to the store, your very first ‘grown up’ chore. Your mom would give you a little piece of paper with the groceries on it, and let you go get it at the convenience store right next to the apartment where you were living. She’d call the store beforehand to let them know you were coming, and never really worried because nothing could happen within that very short distance. And she was right, nothing ever really happened, and it became your favorite chore. Not necessarily because of the chore itself, but because of the little boy that you would sometimes meet on your way.

He was quiet, usually standing in the hallway, hanging around the same apartment. Your young brain figured out he lived there, but you weren’t sure why he wasn’t always inside his house. You never saw his parents. He captured your attention, because he seemed… off a little. You couldn’t put your finger on it, not at that age, not with you sheltered you had been so far. You knew of heroes and villains but you didn’t know of all the actual evils in the world. You did not know what he was going through.

But you did know that he looked nice, at least in your innocent-minded eyes. And he looked special, with a sharp gaze that seemed directed nowhere in particular and the beautiful wings poking up from behind his back. You wondered if they were soft.

So one day you asked. Well, it had started with you saying ‘Hi’ every time you saw him in the hallway. And eventually, you’d get a ‘Hi’ back every once in a while. You told him your name, he told you his. Sometimes you would say something about what he was wearing, although usually his clothes were pretty plain and not always as pretty or even clean. His wings however, those always looked nice, bright red and sometimes even a little fluffy, that’s when they looked to be at their softest.

Most of the times when you shouted ‘I like your wings’, you didn’t get much of a reply, usually he just briefly redirected his stare at you before looking away again. But you were still young, full of hope and full of resilience that nowadays you wish you still had as much of, and you kept repeating it until you heard him mutter a soft ‘thanks’ in reply. It wasn’t too long before you started walking toward him for the shortest of conversations, you knew that you couldn’t stay away too long or your mom would definitely call the grocery store. And eventually, you asked him to touch his wings. He would always refuse, and you would never give up.

One day he said yes, and it’s the day you remember most vividly. You were almost racing to the store by now whenever you saw that he was out, just so you could talk to him, always keeping an eye on the kiddie wristwatch your mom had given you. “When the big hand points upwards completely, you have to be home or I’ll come looking for you”, she’d say. You had gotten better at keeping an eye on it. You went through the usual ritual, saying hi, getting a greeting back. He seemed to be a little happier to see you lately though, smiling a little whenever he saw you approaching.

“Your wings look fluffy today, can I pet them?”

“Okay, but be careful”

You gasped, and your eyes grew wide with excitement. “Really?”

He just nodded in response, turning a little sideways so you could easily reach out and pet the feathers. They were not as soft as you had hoped, not like the plushies surrounding you in bed every night, but they were soft nonetheless. An interesting kind of soft, like only a feather could have. You were absolutely mesmerized and he seemed to be happy that you were happy.

“Next time I will show you my hero”

You smiled as you ran upstairs with the groceries, just in time to not worry your mom. You were super giddy the next time she asked you to get groceries, but your friend was nowhere to be seen. That in itself wasn’t that unusual, there were multiple times when you didn’t see him, but you were quite disappointed, especially since you felt you really were making friends with him now.

You blinked in confusion, but there was no time for you to ask for an explanation, as you noticed the longer hand of your clock almost pointing to the top of your watch.

“Okay! Promise?”

“Promise!”

The next time you went, he wasn’t there either. Nor was he the next time, or the time after that. You were slowly getting a little worried and sad. But as it goes so often in a little child’s mind, there were only so many things you could worry about and you nearly forgot about the boy with the wings.

Until you saw him on TV.

It was years later, you were training at U.A. making it into the hero course, developing your quirk to do good for this world. Part of your training was also keeping an eye out for all the heroes and their ranks. No matter how much you wanted this world to be fair and easy, there’s only so much you can do by simply being a good hero. The rankings were a whole other thing that came as a nasty side effect of wanting to make it in a world where just being good and strong wasn’t enough to be a hero. You had to stand out in some way.

News of a newcomer not from U.A. spread so fast, especially since he was rising up in the rankings at an unseen pace, especially for his age, making him the youngest hero so high up. He was incredibly popular: campaign ads, interviews, magazines… Not surprisingly so, he was not only a talented hero, he was very handsome to boot, with hoards of fans already collecting merch as if their lives depended on it.

To the whole world, he was known as pro hero number three, only behind Endeavor and the one and only All Might, Wing Hero Hawks. But to you, he was the little boy from the hallway that once was ever present in your mind, one of your first friends that you lost before the friendship could even be properly cultivated. And now that his image was hard to avoid, his presence was back in your thoughts, more pertinacious than before.

You were drawn to him the same way many of his fans were, but besides awe and admiration, there was another feeling present whenever you heard his name or saw another picture appear on the billboards you passed on your way to school. It was small still, this feeling, and unidentifiable, at least for now. All you knew was that there was an additional motivational fire burning within you now. You were certain you wanted to intern under him, you wanted some way to be able to talk to him. Just a few moments, to see if he would remember. Just a few moments, to maybe be able to put a finger on what you were feeling, maybe it was a desire for closure. You realized these were all superficial and stupid reasons, but as long as it got you training to intern at the number three’s agency, there was really nothing lost.

Realistically speaking, you knew the chances were small he’d take you on. There weren’t even that many sidekicks at his agency, and you were pretty sure he’d need someone to keep up with him, which was nearly impossible seeing as he maxed out in almost all possible fields. He was the number three for a reason after all.

You had a tactic though. Half of the plan being very obvious: train until you couldn’t anymore. Get high grades, develop your quirk, max out your physical strength, study evacuation techniques, be an overall great student. You had to make sure your potential was spotted by many heroes on occasions such as the sports festival. You had to make sure your teachers noticed you.

The other half of your plan was working on getting his interest. Wear his merch around whenever there’s a U.A. moment broadcast that didn’t require you to wear your uniform, learn all there is to learn about him and his agency (a surprisingly easy task, as there was very little known about him actually). And then finally: work on advertising yourself. You wrote multiple letters to his agency, none of them demanding or desperate in tone, but continuously offering yourself as a valuable candidate for internships and training days, even when you would get no replies at all.

It took you until your last year at UA to finally get some sort of an answer. By that time, you had already sent so many letters, that at this point, you weren’t even expecting anything anymore, but it was more of a habit. A promise to yourself that you would try, at least until you had graduated and found another agency to work at. So when professor Aizawa pulled you aside at the start of your year to tell you that all your internships and training days were already secured in Hawks’ agency if you’d agree on it, you over-enthusiastically said yes about three hundred times. Aizawa passed on the information you needed, and you thanked him profusely before heading to your next class, the map of information nearly burning up in your hand.

One step closer to the boy in the hallway. One step closer to your hero dream. No matter the outcome, you could only win.

Tag list: @pinkhatlizzy @franko-pop-3000 @silenceofthecookies

#bnha #bnha x reader #hawks x reader #takami keigo x reader #hawks #mha x reader #mha #takami keigo #bnha reader insert #mha reader insert #hanahaki disease #multichapter writing #multichapter reader insert #hawks fluff #hawks angst #intro #first chapter

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hornime · 3 years

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hq as my discovery weekly | part one

warnings: this is completely sfw, combo of fluff and angst

characters included: kenma, akaashi, oikawa, suna, koganegawa, ushijima, bokuto, kuroo, hinata, kita, terushima, iwaizumi, osamu, kageyama, sakusa

a/n: this was a random idea i thought of but i think it’ll be really cute haha. maybe you guys’ll find some new songs in the process! totally encourage anyone to use this idea if they want cus this was super fun to write!

playing... one through fifteen / sixteen through thirty

↪ “cotton candy lemonade" by blu detiger: kenma kozume

i've been up too long, something's wrong / watch the rising sun / turning all my nights to days

i've been on my own, come find me now / i'm lonely to the bone / but I don't feel so low when you're around / let's run away from home

you'll bе my kaleidoscope, my color in this life / watching thе world fade away

kenma is not the most extroverted and he’s in his head a lot, so he’s someone that might not always see the ‘color’ in things that exist around him. but when it comes to you, well, you’re someone that makes him look up from his screen a little longer than usual.

↪ “love affair” by umi: akaashi keiji

don't overthink this is love / maybe it's just a crush

i hope what I feel is enough / maybe this is just lies

i wanna know how to feel, what to feel, what's right / i never know / 'cause when it gets real, I just run away / and hide from you

akaashi gets anxiety. he used to be certain about a lot of things—his intelligence, his skill, his happiness, but most important to him was his feelings for you. he’s overthinking again, he knows it, but he’s getting an uncontrollable itch that maybe this is all in his head; he doesn’t love you, he just think he does. but when you’re in his arms, breathing even and eyes fluttered shut, he remembers what you always told him: it doesn’t matter what he knows, it matters what he feels. and he feels like the luckiest man alive.

↪ “coke” by iii addicts, danice: oikawa tooru

come closer, i been eyeing you from way over / so it's time i come for some closure

had to let her know that you could lick this / shake it up, it's gonna probably gon' bust

why, tell me why / why am i not satisfied / every time i cross that line / i feel it, i feel it

oikawa feels like tantalus: a man constantly reaching for a goal just out of reach, straining his muscles and screaming his voice hoarse just for a glimpse of an unattainable destiny. he’s desperate to get ahead, and while he may be running at top speed at all times, the finish line doesn’t seem to be getting any closer. his worst fear is that, some time he’ll slow his pace and look back and realize he hasn’t gotten very far at all.

↪ “baby powder” by jenevieve: suna rintaro

i'll put up with you babe / there's somethings I won't take / baby don't feel me false / yeah that turns me off

you're making me so high now / you're everything I'd ever want / you're keeping me so dry now / you're everything I'd never want uh

plastic on the floor but it ain't for me / ima go up to the place that i'd rather be

suna is straightforward. he won’t deal with your bullshit, and he learns that you won’t deal with his either, which makes you so appealing. when he starts letting more and more of you in, he feels you slipping through his fingers. you wanted to be friends, so you treat him as one. he doesn’t remember when he started wanting more.

↪ “chandelier (instrumental version)” by paquin: koganegawa kanji

instrumental so no lyrics lol

koganegawa is bubbly. he’s a bouncer: he bounces between social circles, bounces colors behind his eyes, and bounces back after adversity. he’s an amiable guy, and it’s landed him plenty of friends and opportunities, but best of all, it’s landed him you.

↪ “l-over” by u.s. girls: ushijima wakatoshi

my lover has no heart / magic moving blood around that body / he's cool to the touch / i don't see him much / but when I do, he does nothing for me

can you imagine trying to get / some satisfaction out of a stone?

spare me any talk of your future life / i don't know what I'll do without you

ushijima is stubborn. he’s deadset on achieving his goals for the future, and if you can’t work with them, you better work around them. you’re tired of how he grounds you; you thought it was a blessing at first, having a guy that knew what he wanted and would always act as a constant in your life, but you’ve started to see that he’s not a lighthouse anymore, he’s an anchor. he’s an anchor that’s chaining you to the ocean floor and will drown you if you, even for a second, stop kicking your legs to stay afloat.

↪ “magic!” by リアムMAZE1981: bokuto koutarou

and when you smile at me that way / well you can warm the coldest day / it's magic

and all i have to do is think of you / to make the music start to play / then i dance down the street / and the people I meet stop and say hey hey

and when you want me you just clap your hands / and I'll be with you right away / then we'll float on a breeze / while the leaves in the trees softly say hey hey / magic ways, my friend / you love the girl with magic ways and it's true / i might as well give in

bokuto is bright. he tramps around the world with the light of the sun illuminating his face. there is nothing in the universe that could ever drag him down, especially not with you around. you’ve cast some kind of spell on him, he’s sure of it, because your very presence makes him certain that he’s immortal. he must be, because when he’s with you, he’s withstanding the heat of a thousand suns that erases the darkness in every shadow, corner, and crevice of his life.

↪ “i hope that u think of me” by pity party (girls club): kuroo tetsuro

i hope that you dream of me baby / nightmares are what dreams are baby i-i-i / i think I'm fallin' out of love

you tell me that it's easy to be / you tell me that it's easy to be with me but you lie-i-i / why do you lie all the time?

kuroo is focused. he takes note of everything when he’s working on a task, down to dotting the ‘i’s and crossing the ‘t’s. he often finds himself with tunnel vision, unable to think of anything but the current responsibility at the top of his every-growing to-do list. somewhere along the way, he lost track of you—must’ve loosened his grip on your hand and your fingers fell through empty space. he’d look for you, back in the void, but he’s busy. he keeps moving, unaware that you’ve turned back, walking in the opposite direction as him to find the life before him that you barely remember.

↪ “the leanover” by life without buildings: hinata shoyo

kiss me, break my mind, close the door / black steel, break my mind, close the door

if i lose you in the street / i say, i say, i say, i say, i say, i say / wassup, wassup with you? / wassup with your friends?

hinata is unfazed. he knows that, when things go bad, there’ll always be something there to right them. so when your paths diverge—maybe your schedules don’t work out, your dates get canceled, your nights home become more and more sparse—he’s not worried. not one bit. because at the end of the night, he knows that you’ll always find your way back to one another, and you’ll always greet him with open arms. and he’ll always do the same.

↪ “ladyfingers - edit” by funding secured: kita shinsuke

instrumental so no lyrics lol

kita is polished. he works hard during the day to be with you at night, dancing in little circles in the small kitchen of your shared home. he looks at you with fondness and appreciation, thanking his stars a million times over for granting him with someone like you. he’s a tree, stable in the harshest of gales, but even trees like to sway with the wind sometimes.

↪ “black madonna” by cage the elephant: terushima yuuji

makes no difference here, so let's be real / black madonna, my black flower / nowhere left to run, nowhere left to hide / you're not havin' fun, i think that you should ride

climb so high, don't hear a sound / don't you forget what goes around, comes around / climb so high, tell me how to feel

call me when you're ready to be real / black madonna, my hallelujah

terushima is hedonistic. he’s never concerned himself with thoughts of the future, or of the past, or of anything, really. all he can think about is making each moment as willing to be lived as possible. you, on the other hand, are practical, too practical in his opinion, and he wants you to let loose, lighten up a little bit. maybe in the long run, it won’t be the best idea to let him take you by the hand and on a midnight adventure, but you haven’t thought that far ahead yet. guess he’s already rubbing off on you.

↪ “mother nature’s bitch” by okay kaya: iwaizumi hajime

everybody / please give a warm welcome to / to this current mood

here i am / easy to please / here i am / okay with it

here i am / desperate for attention / here i am / being mother nature's bitch

iwaizumi is hardworking. he does the best he can with everything he tries; sometimes that amounts to something and sometimes it doesn’t. most times it doesn’t fulfill his expectations, as high as they are. when you’re around, his borderline hatred for himself disappears. when you’re there to tell him how great he’s doing, the tension in his shoulders dissipates.

↪ “smithereens” by rasharn powell, ab001: miya osamu

found my power / and my brethren / in a tussle with the world itself

see if I’m david, you’re goliath / there’s some power in defiance / put my heart in a slingshot / we been cycling away for days

searching for freedom always / likeness of an orgasm been had / empty with a peace that just don’t last / petite mort, then born again

osamu is pioneering. he opened a small business and eventually branched out, managing chains of his restaurant across the nation. it may not be a flashy job, but it’s a solid one, and a draining one. there are days of back-to-back shifts, afternoons overwhelming catering orders, and nights spent sleeping over on a cot near the kitchen. when he dreams, curled up with the smell of onigri still lingering in the air, he can only think of ‘what if’ he’d chosen another path, a path with a more obvious end, a more obvious definition of glory. but he still wakes up at dawn, conquering his own corner of the sky, knowing that his life, while it may be small, is not insignificant.

↪ “must be” by lou phelps: kageyama tobio

must be the henny on the ice / must be the diamonds that I buy / might be the shit that I write / whatever a n**** do and say, that's what I like

i'm on the cloud as i walk the front door / that's a boost, that's true, that's loo

yeah, um, i'mma need my space / 'cause you's a bum-bum, can't be standing next to me, uh / forgive me for my sins / don't tell me this is wrong if it feels right

kageyama is cocky. he’s good at what he does, amazing, actually, and he sure as hell knows it. he’s surrounded by people that make him better, people that he makes better, and he can’t think of a place he’d rather be. he’s on his way to carve his way into the moon and he’s not going to tolerate anyone that wants to keep him on earth.

↪ “jealous” by eyedress: sakusa kiyoomi

you could have anyone you want / why would you want to be with me? / you know, I'm nothing special

don't tell me about your problems / if you're not trying to solve them / don't ask me for my help

sakusa is independent. he’s not one to see himself as part of someone else’s orbit, opting to act like a random rock, floating in space with no origin and no destination. he’s worried that, if he gets too close to you, he’ll end up getting drawn in by your gravity and either crash land or burn up. neither seems appealing, and the idea of a safe encounter hasn’t even crossed his mind, so he’s going to keep moving on an endless trek towards the stars.

#haikyuu!!#haikyu #hq #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu angst #kenma #akaashi #oikawa #suna #koganegawa #ushijima #bokuto #kuroo #hinata

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btssaysstudy · 4 years

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Rebound Pt. 2

Pairing: Jungkook x reader, Taehyung (V) x reader Genre: Angst Warning: Swearing, cheating mentioned Synopsis: After encouraging your best friend, Taehyung, (also crush) to tryout for the volleyball team, he had gained attention and you started getting closer to one of his teammates. When Taehyung gets himself into a relationship, you found yourself growing attached to Jungkook. However, when Taehyung’s relationship turns sour, he turns to you to fill the void - something Jungkook strongly opposed to. Word count: 6.4k

PT.1

Thank you for reading it and requesting for a pt.2, it means a lot and I hope you like this:))

The next morning, you woke up realising that you went to sleep without changing out of your clothes and washing off your makeup. You rushed to the mirror to see that your makeup was gone.

“I used your makeup wipes last night. I didn’t want to change your clothes because… Well you know.” Jungkook awkwardly explained, avoiding your gaze. You smiled at him, “Thanks Kook.” You noticed that your sleeping bag had ben sprawled out on the floor, realising that Jungkook had probably slept on the cold wooden floor with no pillow.

“Shit, you should’ve taken one of my pillows Kook. I’m sorry you had to sleep on the floor. You could’ve left me once I knocked out.”

He laughed, “I can’t leave you alone after what happened last night.” That triggered your brain to recall the memories of the night before, the heart-breaking scene of Taehyung flirting with his ex and even accusing you and Jungkook at the front yard.

Jungkook must have noticed your distant look, “Hey. Freshen up and we can go get lunch?”

You snapped back to reality and nodded your head. Jungkook grabbed his stuff and made his way to the door, “I’ll meet you at the common area in an hour?”

“Sure. See you then.”

Once Jungkook left, you grabbed your towel and made your way to the bathroom to take a hot soothing shower. Your thoughts were scattered, reliving the party for a moment and then thinking about confronting Taehyung the next. You were thankful that Jungkook had been with you last night, if not you doubt that you would have been able to fall asleep.

You got dressed up and made your way to the common area at the ground level to meet Jungkook. “Hey, you.” Jungkook smiled, walking towards you. “Ready to eat? My treat.”

With a groan, you shook your head, turning down his offer. “Kook, enough with your treats. I should be the one treating you.” Jungkook laughed, “Nice try. Not gonna happen.”

The two of you made your way to your usual eatery place, settling down and almost immediately ordered your go-to meals.

“So how are you holding up?”

You pressed your lips tight together, trying to form a proper thought. “Surprisingly better than expected. Maybe it’s because I always knew deep inside that I was a rebound.” You looked down at the table, "Just regret that I allowed it to happen.”

“You shouldn’t regret it y/n. You did like him and on the bright side, you did say things were good while it lasted. You can’t do anything to change the past but at least now you can move forward.”

“Yea I know you’re right about that. I just can’t help thinking if we can be friends again after this.” You fiddled with the condiments on the table. Jungkook reach out to take your hands in his, “Maybe not now but eventually time will heal. I know he’s your best friend and it’ll be a waste to let it all go.” He then released his hold and leaned back into his chair when he saw the food coming your way, “Then again, I don’t do cheaters.”

You scoffed, “Thanks for the help.”

Jungkook just grinned cheekily at you, “Any time.”

The two of you started eating and talked about other completely unrelated topics. You leaned back, rubbing your belly. “Food baby has arrived.” You joked, letting yourself laugh a bit.

“Nice to hear your laugh again.” Jungkook gave you a very endearing smile that made you feel warm inside. You could feel your cheeks heat up as you tried to ignore the feeling.

“Thanks for keeping me company Kook.”

—

You had been avoiding Taehyung like the plague. You ignored his texts and you went for lectures alone. A huge part of you wished you had lectures with Jungkook but you attended different classes. You also stopped going for their volleyball practices. Jungkook never asked you to come and watch since he knew it would be uncomfortable. However, you would study at the library while waiting for Jungkook to finish his training, meeting for dinner afterwards.

You were still caught up to their progress and upcoming matches since Jungkook would always update you the second he learns it. The semester had gone by in a blink of an eye and it was already finals period. You had gone through the second half of the semester without Taehyung and it felt weird. It felt weird to not have your best friend by your side after three years of being inseparable.

However, what you gained was a really strong bond with Jungkook. He would surprise you over the weekend with your favourite drinks and with his laptop, ready to watch a movie to take a breather from studies. Jungkook would ask to study together when he didn’t have practice. You spent most of your time with him and you weren’t complaining.

“I think I’m going to talk to Taehyung for closure.”

“You are?” Jungkook swivelled his chair to face you. You shifted to rest on your left side, resting your head on your left hand to prop up your head off his bed. “Yea, I don’t feel any animosity towards him. I also don’t want our friendship to end.”

Jungkook seemed to be in thought since he didn’t give you an immediate reply. You frowned, “You think it’s a bad idea, don’t you?”

“N-No no! I think it’s great. You already know that he always asks me about you. He still cares for you. I think it’s a good thing.” He gave you an encouraging look, giving you the courage to pick up your phone to text Taehyung.

‘Hey, it’s been awhile. Are you free to meet?’

Just as you tossed your phone away, it vibrated, signalling a message. “Damn. That was fast.” Jungkook whistled. You unlocked your phone to read his reply, “He’s free tonight. Better get it over with I guess.” You let out a long sigh, “Don’t be nervous y/n. It’ll go well.”

So you replied Taehyung and set a meet-up point for the night.

After studying at Jungkook’s place for the whole day, you packed your things and made your way to meet Taehyung. You reached the place to see Taehyung already waiting for you. “Hey.” You called for his attention. The boy whipped his head around so quickly, you swore he could’ve gotten a whiplash. “Y/N.” He said your name in a breathy voice, as if in shock that you really came to meet him.

The two of you sat on a nearby bench and you could immediately feel an awkward tension envelope you two. You fiddled with your own hands as you tried to come up with a starting sentence.

“Listen—“

“I’m sorry—“

The two of you paused and broke into a laughter, finding the awkward vibe amusing. “You go ahead.” Taehyung gestured to you to begin.

You nodded your head, taking in a deep breath.

“I know I shouldn’t have ignored you for the rest of the semester, but I felt that I needed it. I’m sorry for ignoring you but it allowed me to clear my thoughts. It was already foolish of me to accept that dating idea but I know I did it because I was hopeful that something could really happen between us. I did that knowing you still weren’t over your ex. Though what you still did was still kinda messed up, but I forgive you.”

Taehyung nodded his head slowly as he took it all in. The silence after your ‘monologue’ was killing you and you were dying to know what Taehyung had to say. “I’m really sorry y/n. Till this day, I hate myself for doing that to you. I did like you, romantically, when we dated. But I was still trying to move on and I used you to try and fix that. I should have never done that to you. You’re my best friend and I care for you, a lot. I genuinely do. I still do. I don’t deserve your forgiveness but I thank you for that. Also, I understand if we can’t be friends anymore. I respect your decision.”

His voice cracked towards the end when he brought up about not being friends anymore and it honestly broke your heart as well. The thought of not having Taehyung in your life anymore, as a best friend. You didn’t want to lose your first friend in college. You smiled, reaching out to place your hand over his. “I don’t want that to happen Tae. I’d like us to continue being friends. But it’ll take a while to get back to where we were.” From that reply, you could feel hope and happiness return to his body and his eyes as he turned to you, vigorously nodding his head. “I understand. Completely. I’ll make up for the shit I’ve done to you. I mean it.”

You laughed, “I believe you Tae.”

Taehyung’s shoulders visibly relaxed as he leaned back, looking up at the sky. “I have been hoping that you would give me a second chance. Now that it’s actually true, a big part of me feels like I don’t deserve it.”

“I know you’re still a good guy. You’re also my friend. And I care for you.”

“I’m relieved Jungkook has been by your side. He’s a good guy, really.”

At the mention of Jungkook’s name made your cheeks heat up as you wondered why you were feeling this way. You didn’t want to catch feelings again, especially when Jungkook had become a really close friend. You didn’t want a repeat of what happened with Taehyung.

“You okay, y/n?”

“Hm? Oh yea, I’m fine.”

—

Finals went by in a flash, with Jungkook being your 24/7 study buddy. During the period that you weren’t on speaking terms with Taehyung, you were relieved to find out that he had other friends he could hang out with. He also became really close to his volleyball seniors who gave him coaching and life-lessons (also a good scolding by Namjoon) when he told them everything that happened. You and Jungkook on the other hand, were stuck together like glue.

Once finals ended, Jungkook asked you out to a movie to celebrate freedom.

“Summer’s here at last!” Jungkook fist pumped the air and you laughed, watching the volleyball player prance along the walkway. “Calm down child.”

“I’m no child.” Jungkook gave you a cute pout that made your heart swoon. You ignored the thought, pushing him to start walking. “Alright, alright, let’s just keep on moving.”

Jungkook looked at you attempting to shove him, laughing at the sight. “You’re cute when you try so hard.” You immediately pulled away and smacking his arm. “What did I do?” He rubbed his arm, looking at you in confusion and with a tint of amusement.

“N-Nothing. Let’s just go.”

The two of you made your way to his car and he drove you home. Jungkook had Spotify connected and you played your latest favourite songs. He began singing along and you were taken aback, not only was he athletic, he was an amazing singer. His clear and soothing voice made you feel so light and at peace. You treasured the mini performance he was giving you.

“Damn Kook.” You shook your head in shock, “Didn’t know you’re a singer.”

“Nah.“

“Stop being humble.” You laughed and so did he. “Thanks for the compliment y/n. Means a lot, coming from you.” Your body felt stiff as your cheeks heated up, you were easily flustered by such random remarks that Jungkook would casually throw. Did he even know how it was making you feel?

You glanced at Jungkook once more, noting how good his side profile was as well. Not again, you scolded yourself as you found your thoughts wandering towards Jungkook. You recalled how Jungkook had been supportive of your decisions since day 0 and how comfortable it felt around him. However, this was the last thing you wanted to happen.

Things were finally going well and the last thing you needed was to fuck it up.

“Y/N.”

“Huh?” You turned to Jungkook. “You alright? I was asking why you have the Barbie Girl song in your playlist.”

“Oh, yea… Uh I think I added it in one time because it was stuck in my head.” You chuckled, resting into your seat as you looked straight ahead on the road. “You sure you’re alright?” Jungkook asked sceptically, doubt evident in his tone.

“Yea I am.”

When you guys arrived at your place, Jungkook insisted to walk you up. “What would I do without my personal bodyguard?” You teased as you two entered the elevator. “You would probably just be rotting at home, calling it your post-finals celebration.”

You jutted out your lower lip, nodding your head, “You’re not wrong.”

Jungkook laughed, “So how are things with you and Taehyung?”

“We’re good. Not exactly back to normal but things seem just right. Why’d you ask?”

He shifted his weight between his feet, “Nothing serious… But I was wondering if you’d be comfortable coming for the upcoming Volleyball Championships.”

You didn’t realise how much time had flown by that it was already championships. You didn’t even realise the amount of time spent with Jungkook for the past few months as well. Seeing that you didn’t respond immediately, Jungkook added on, “It’s cool if you’re not comfortable, you don’t have to come.”

“Oh, no no! I was just realising that so much time had gone by. Can’t believe it’s your championships already. Anyway, of course I’ll be coming! Gotta support the team!” You grinned enthusiastically at him and he reciprocated the grin. “That means a lot y/n!”

“It’s not a big deal Kook, it’s just me going over—“

“Yes, and that means a lot to me.” Jungkook seemed too serious with that response, making you be at a loss for words. “W-Well,” you cleared your throat, “I’m flattered.”

—

You liked to crash Jungkook’s place a lot since he had a PlayStation for you guys to get competitive and have fun. “I’m ready for my revenge Jeon Jungkook!” You announced as you got up to stretch your limbs. Jungkook let out an amused laugh as he got the PlayStation running, inserting the Just Dance game. “You sure about that? Last time I check the score was—“

“Hush!” bringing your finger to your lips, “I do not need to be reminded of the score.”

“Yes sir.” Jungkook teased, turning back to the television screen. “Alright, since it’s your revenge match, why don’t you select the song.” After scrolling through the list, you selected your revenge song and the two of you got into position, ready to start your battle.

It was no surprise that Jungkook had good coordination skills, he easily defeated you every time. “Damn it!” You frowned, “Another round!” You were determined, reaching out for the remote. “Hey! The winner should choose the song!” He extended his arm out to snatch the control from you. The two of you tried to gain control over the remote. Jungkook laughed, easily keeping you away from the remote as a song was randomly selected amongst your squabble.

Havana.

“A couple dance?” You were mentally freaking out at just the thought of holding Jungkook’s hand, teasing yourself for sounding like a child. “Get ready for me to step on your foot.”

“Then I’ll do the same to you.” He cheekily stuck out his tongue at you. The two of you started copying the dancers’ move, feeling how awkward it was at the beginning when you guys had to do moves together.

There was a move where you had to lean backwards with Jungkook supporting your back. You felt your cheeks get hot, feeling the close proximity as you kept one hand on his shoulder and the other hand clasping his hand. Jungkook’s other hand was placed behind your back, keeping it high as he didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable. Your faces were inches apart for half the dance.

After a while, since it was an upbeat song, you two loosened up and started enjoying yourselves again. Halfway through the song, there was a move where Jungkook had to lift you up by your legs and spin you around. “Yea, not doing that!” You laughed and ended up just walking around him in a circle to imitate the female dancer. Jungkook laughed, mimicking the actions of carrying someone.

“I wasn’t going to drop you!”

Only if he knew that was not the reason why you didn’t want to do the move.

As the song went on, you realized how much you loved being in his embrace. It felt so warm and safe, so protected from the world. It just felt right to you and you didn’t want to let him go.

The ending move was just as scandalous as you twirled in front of Jungkook, with his hand gently cupping your head. You could feel his hot breath against your face, feeling his chest rise up and down, slightly panting after your many rounds of Just Dance. It felt like time had frozen in that awkward position, but you somehow forgot that you were leaning backwards, giving yourself a good back workout.

Jungkook propped you upright but kept his hand at the back of your head, the both of you staring into each other’s eyes. The only noise was the sound of Just Dance saying good job along with the background music.

You felt the urge to close the gap between the two you and it appeared that he had the same thought. You could feel yourselves leaning in, your heartbeat feeling even more prominent than ever. The screen brightly flashed your scores, causing you two pulled away from each other.

“I actually won!” You pumped the air, turning to face Jungkook, “Revenge done!” Jungkook seemed to snap out from his daze, clapping to congratulate you, “After 50 years. Good job y/n.”

—

During the semester break, you started watching their training sessions again since you had nothing else to do. It wasn’t awkward to go over since you were on good terms with Taehyung again as well. You were also always excited to see Jungkook train.

Watching him with his team, doing drills and having practice matches, you admired him so much. His passion, his determination. You just wanted to be there to support Jungkook.

“I see you have a lot of free time.” Namjoon looked at the big box that you brought over. You grinned, “It’s summer! I have nothing to do so… A little treat for you guys!” You lifted up the box to his eye level. “Y/N!” Jungkook skipped to your side, “What is this?”

“I baked a little something.” You gave them a shy smile.

“Did you poison it?” Yoongi teased, and you rolled your eyes in response. “Don’t expose me like that Yoongi.” Since you spent so much time watching their trainings and attending their celebratory parties, you’ve grown acquainted to most of the players and you really slapped yourself for having prejudice against these men.

They were so fun to hang out with and so down to earth. Their intimidating aura was only displayed on court and practices but outside the scene, they were all chaotic. “Well I’m sure they’re delicious!” Jungkook defended you, taking the big box from your grasp to bring it over to the bench.

“Thanks, Kook. At least someone’s supportive.” You stuck your tongue out at Yoongi who just chuckled, “Of course Jungkook would be by your side.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Namjoon nudged his teammate, as if warning him not the spill anything.

Just as you were about to question Yoongi again, Jungkook called you over. “Y/N! These are delicious!”

You headed to his side, beaming with happiness. “Really? You like ‘em?”

His eyes were wide like a puppy as he eagerly nodded his head. “I love them!”

“Now now, don’t keep everything to yourself Jeon Jungkook.” Taehyung teased as he approached the box to grab one for himself.

“I did not.”

“Jungkook, you’re literally standing in front of the box.” Namjoon commented, making everyone laugh.

—

Since the school semester was over, you had so much free time during summer that you started watching the volleyball anime - Haikyuu. Only because Jungkook was recommended it to you. He would come over to re-watch the episodes with you. You guys also had some unspoken agreement to not bring up what happened the other day.

“Man, volleyball is becoming a significant part of my life. Must be because I’m spending too much time with you.” You joked as you reached out to click to the next episode. “What’s wrong about that?” You were shocked by Jungkook’s tone, he sounded offended though he had tried to cover it up.

“It was just a joke Kook, I love spending time with you.” You nudged him and you could see his shoulders release tension.

“Did you think I meant it?”

“A bit.” Jungkook admitted and you frowned in response. “Come on Kook. If I was sick of you, I would’ve gotten rid of you already.”

You watched Jungkook bit his lip hesitantly before asking, “Do you think you’ll ever be sick of me?”

“W-What?”

Jungkook sat up, clearing his throat. “I-I mean… We only did start becoming close after the whole Taehyung thing. To be honest, sometimes I had thoughts that maybe… Maybe I’m just a replacement?”

“You can’t seriously feel that way?” You felt a bit hurt that Jungkook had these thoughts, you watched his expression, realising that he really did. “Jungkook… You know I genuinely care about you. You’re important to me.”

He nodded his head, “I know I know… Sorry, I know you do care I just couldn’t help but think about it.”

In a split second, his serious expression disappeared, and he grinned at you, “This got too serious. Let’s just continue the show.”

“O-Okay…”

Jungkook resumed the episode and you two had your gaze fixated on the screen. However, you were barely watching the episode as your mind was thinking about what Jungkook asked.

Did he think that I’m just using him just like how Taehyung used me? Do I like him just because of what happened with me and Taehyung?

You never had the thought of liking Jungkook as a rebound but ever since he implied that, you couldn’t stop thinking about whether he was right. However, ever since that day, the two of you never brought it up again.

It wasn’t long till Championships have arrived and you were almost as nervous as the players themselves. “All the best! You’re gonna crush it, I can just feel it.”

“Thanks y/n. Glad to see you here supporting us.” Namjoon grinned, pulling you in for a side hug. Jungkook then came up to you, “Thanks for coming y/n.”

You shook your head, “It’s nothing. You’re gonna do so well.”

He winked at you at that. “I will because my lucky charm is here.”

Your cheeks felt hot as you scoffed, “Lucky charm?”

Jungkook nodded his head, reaching for his bag, “Yea my keychain—“

You felt embarrassed for assuming that he was referring to you and you stuttered a reply. The cheeky player laughed as he patted your shoulders, leaning in to whisper into your ear. “You know I was referring to you.” He pulled away, winking at you before catching up to Namjoon’s side.

You followed the team into the stadium and separated to find yourself a good seat. Once the stadium was more or less filled up, the commentator’s voice filled the stadium as he announced that the championship was officially starting.

The teams walked in succession with their college’s flag as the stadium cheered for their favourite team. Your eyes followed Jungkook, his bright bunny smile, showing his excitement to play on court again. Jungkook was a competitive player but also a good sport and it was definitely an attractive trait.

After the ceremony, the court was prepared for the first game to commence. Your college was up first, and you watched on the edge of your seat, finding yourself constantly watching Jungkook. Jungkook was a spiker and he was definitely good at it. You were amazed at how effortlessly he jumped each time, the serious and competitive look on his face.

You would catch yourself having these thoughts about Jungkook and it was link back to his question about being a replacement. You knew you never saw Jungkook that way, but it seemed that he felt that way.

The game ended with a 2-1, your college taking the win. The team jumped in victory as they huddled up together, celebrating their first of many wins for that Championship.

After the team had ended their de-briefing, they walked off court and you headed down to congratulate them. “Y/N!” Namjoon beamed, reaching his hand out for a high five. “Always leading the group to victory, huh.”

“Well, I try my best.” Namjoon chuckled, shrugging his shoulders.

You caught Jungkook walking at the back of the group and you were about to head up to him when someone blocked your view. “Hey, y/n, can we talk?”

“T-Taehyung! Sure!” You didn’t really want to walk away because you wanted to talk to Jungkook, but you also didn’t want to be rude to Taehyung. “Namjoon, I’ll meet you guys at the locker room in a minute.” The tall leader nodded his head and the two of you left the group, heading out of the stadium together.

You guys sat at one of the benches outside the stadium, you wondered why he wanted to talk to you separately. “Congrats on winning Tae.”

“Thanks y/n.”

You watched him as he was obviously trying to form a proper sentence. Taehyung then let out a short low chuckle, “You know, I wouldn’t be here if you didn’t force me to fill up the sign-up sheet.”

“That is true.” You nodded your head, “I have so much to thank you for.” He responded. Shaking your head, you said otherwise. “What’s there to thank me for?”

He sighed; his cheerful smile seemed to have disappeared. “I still feel I don’t deserve your forgiveness for what I’ve done to you. You’re my best friend and I used you that way. So I’m also thankful for giving me another chance.”

You lightly nudged him with your shoulders, “I did take a few months to tell you I forgave you.”

Taehyung finally smiled again, “I’m glad that we’re talking again.”

“Me too, Tae… Me too…” You trailed off, staring at the grey cold floor. Does Jungkook really think I’m treating him that same way too?

Taehyung noticed you going off into your own thoughts, your gaze looking distant yet troubled. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Mm? Oh…” You shook your head, “It’s nothing.” You fidgeted with your hands, still thinking about Jungkook. Does Jungkook know that you like him? What was that incident over the Just Dance game? You guys almost kissed but never brought it up afterwards?

“Something’s troubling you.”

“No nothing’s bothering me.” You denied it the second time. Taehyung sighed, “It’s about Jungkook isn’t it?”

“W-What? No it’s not—“

Taehyung raised his eyebrows knowingly, “Every time I ask him about how you’re doing, he always seems to stutter or get stiff. And that’s a rare sight with Jungkook. What’s going on?”

You frowned, “Nothing’s going on. He told me about being a replacement. He thinks I’m just treating him as a form of rebound.”

“Did you tell him he’s not?”

“I did but he just brushed the topic aside and we never talked about it again.”

“You should talk about it with him. That guy really likes you. I can tell you like him too.”

You furrowed your eyebrows, “I don’t even make it obvious—“

“Oh Jungkook! All the best for your game! Mm?? I’m your lucky charm?” Taehyung perked him, trying to imitate your voice and facial expressions. You laughed from shock, hitting his arm. “I do not sound like that.”

Taehyung laughed heartily, “In all seriousness. I’ve seen how your face lights up whenever he talks to you during our breaks. Sometimes it’s as if none of us can enter your little conversation. But it’s cute, I’m honestly surprised you guys aren’t dating yet.

“Well, it’s because he thinks he’s just a rebound.”

“I’m 100% sure he’s not, it’s been months. It’s been so long and it only looks like you guys will continue to grow closer. Y/N, you should really talk about it with Jungkook. Really tell him how you feel. That poor boy is falling head over heels for you.”

You laughed at that, “Thanks Tae, I’ll talk to Kook about it. Hopefully it goes well.”

“I’m sure it will.” Taehyung grinned, pulling you in for a hug. “Jungkook’s a great guy and he’s lucky to have you.”

“No Tae,” You pulled away, shaking your head, “I’m the lucky one.”

—

The two of you walked back to the locker room where the team had been freshening up and packing their stuff.

“Jungkook! I didn’t get to congratulate you earlier on.” “Wonder why.” You heard him mutter to himself. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Jungkook looked up to face you and you were taken aback by his cold expression, his warm smile was not visible, and you felt like he didn’t want you there. “Nothing, thanks for coming.” He grabbed his bag and headed out the door. You were confused by his sudden change in behaviour, following after him.

“You good?”

“Yea I am.” He responded without looking at you. You glanced at Taehyung who just shrugged his shoulders in confusion.

“Jungkook, can we talk?”

He turned back and sighed, nodding his head. “Yea we should.”

The rest of the team left the stadium while you guys headed to the outdoor garden area at the front entrance. “Is something wrong?” You asked the moment you guys were alone. Most of the public that came for the matches today had already gone home and there was no one else at the small garden.

Jungkook shook his head, stuffing his hands in his pocket. “Nothing’s wrong.”

“Okay... Then why did you say, “we should” when I asked if we could talk?”

He didn’t reply immediately, and you gave him the liberty to form a response. “When you said “good terms” with Taehyung, how good was your “good”?”

You were confused by his question and wondered why he brought up Taehyung. You furrowed your eyebrows, “Um, good as in we’re friends again?”

He scoffed, looking down at his shoes, “Just friends?”

“Yes. What are you trying to imply?”

“I went out to the toilet earlier on and passed by you and Taehyung sitting together alone, hugging.”

Shit, he misunderstood.

“It was nothing, we were just talking… Also, friends hug too. You and I hug as well, why are you implying that it’s more than just friends?”

To be frank, you were getting offended and annoyed by Jungkook’s accusations, especially knowing that Jungkook was the one you liked and not Taehyung.

Jungkook finally changed his direction to face you, his body posture appearing hostile towards you. “I never said this, but I couldn’t understand how you just forgave Taehyung after what happened and you guys are ‘friends’ again, unless you still have feeling for him.”

“No, I don’t, and you know that.” You replied agitated. “Is that why you’re suddenly being cold towards me? Because I left to talk with Taehyung, and you saw us hugging? You know there’s nothing going on with Taehyung, why are you getting so worked up over that?”

“Because I like you, damn it!” Jungkook snapped, his eyes mixed with sincerity, hurt and nervousness. You noticed his eyes widening for a split second, as if shocked about what he had just confessed.

With a blink, he continued on, “I’ve liked you for months and I was honestly beginning to think that you felt the same way too. I thought things were going well between us but I suddenly see you hugging Taehyung alone and it just tells me otherwise.”

His tone was laced with hurt and bitterness, you just wanted to prove him wrong - that it was all a misunderstanding. You took a step forward closer to him, “Jungkook! You’ve got it all wrong—“

“How can I read that scene wrongly—“

“I was talking about me liking you to Taehyung!”

It was as if millions of balloons had just burst around you as you both stood frozen momentarily, looking at each other,

You took a deep breath in before continuing, trying not to get emotional. “Yes, I like you. I didn’t know how to bring it up especially after you said how you felt that you were a replacement. I couldn’t stop thinking about it ever since. I’ve been feeling so guilty knowing that that’s how you have been feeling. But I never saw you that way.” Your eyes began to tear up as you were being overwhelmed by the guilt that you have been feeling.

Jungkook noticed it, taking brisk steps towards you, gently reaching out to wipe your tears from your cheeks. “I never got close to you just because I was lonely or needed a replacement. I like you. Heck, Tae could tell for a long time that I like you. But I don’t want to do anything about it, not while you think you’re just a rebound to me.”

Your chest felt lighter, despite your tears flowing down, it felt good to let Jungkook know how you had been feeling and you felt relieved.

“Y/N, please don’t cry. I don’t want to see you cry.” He spoke softly, wrapping his arms around you, I’m sorry you’ve been feeling guilty when you shouldn’t be.”

“You shouldn’t be sorry, Kook.” Your voice was muffled as your head was buried in between his neck and shoulder. Despite the small quarrel you just had with Jungkook, you felt happy and safe in his embrace, it felt right, and you didn’t want to let him go.

“I never treated you as a rebound.” You repeated and you felt him nodding his head. He pulled away to cupping his hands on your cheeks, his face told one story - he believed you.

“I believe you, y/n, I do. And I genuinely like you, I don’t want things to mess up with us. Even if that means I can only be your friend, I’m okay with you. I just don’t want to lose you.”

You shook your head, with a small smile. “Why are you so cheesy.”

He chuckled, “I mean it.”

“I don’t want you to just be a friend. But I don’t want us to rush things either.”

Jungkook nodded his head, “I agree with you 100%. I want us to work out. I don’t want to work things out with anyone else.”

You could feel your heart pounding against your chest more violently than ever. It was as if you were just experiencing your own fairy-tale ending. Though, you knew it was just the beginning.

“Will you go out with me, y/n?”

With an airy laugh, you nodded your head, “Of course I will, Kook.”

A pure happy grin broke out on his face, “I know we agreed to take it slow, but, may I kiss you right know?”

“You’re such a gentleman.” You teased, though nodding your head as you both leaned in carefully, softly pressing your lips together. His soft lips on yours made your heart melt and your mind went blank as you just felt euphoric. His thumb softly caressing your cheeks as he pulled away.

“I’ve been wanting to do that so badly ever since Havana.”

—

“Hurry up!” Yoongi hollered impatiently as you all ran to his side, huddling up for a group picture. The camera flash went off and you guys pulled away from each other to either give each other a goodbye hug or take individual photos together. Senior year went by in a blink of eye and you had all just walked on stage to get your graduation certificates.

“We did it, y/n. We’re graduates.” Taehyung grinned, pulling you in for a tight hug. You returned the embrace, “We certainly did it Tae, we did it.”

After four years in college, it felt great to have your first friend still by your side, graduating hand in hand.

“Y/N!”

But what felt even better was having the love of your life with you.

Taehyung pulled away, chuckling at the boy who raised his Polaroid camera. “Looks like your boyfriend wants a polaroid picture with you.”

“That’s right.” Jungkook gave a cheeky grin, draping his arm over your shoulder to give you a quick kiss on your forehead.

“Give me the camera, I’ll take it.” Taehyung reached out for the polaroid. Jungkook pulled you even closer, wrapping his arm around your waist and yours around his.

The two of you had taken things relatively slow, sticking to your promise of not wanting to rush things. Eventually, Jungkook had asked you to be his girlfriend and the rest was history. The team had teased you the day he announced to the group, saying how they waited ages for you guys to get together.

Nonetheless, they were all happy for you.

“One, two, three!”

Taehyung took two, one for the each of you. “We look good together, don’t you think?” Jungkook nudged your side, admiring the polaroid picture that had developed. You nodded your head, “We sure do.”

Taehyung had gone to disturb Yoongi for a picture, leaving the two of you alone. Jungkook smiled contently, wrapping his around you in a loose hug. “I love you, y/n.”

“I love you too, Kook.”

Jungkook leaned in for a soft kiss on the lips, “Ready for your Just Dance revenge tonight?” You smirked, “I’m ready for Havana round 2. Maybe you can lift me up this time.”

You felt his chest vibrate as he laughed, “I’ll do that alright, you can count on me.”

I hope you guys liked it, let me know your thoughts and also if you have any requests you’d like me to write!

REBOUND TAGLIST: (i love yall sm)

@sonderkook @neinyasficrecs @monvieesdaebak @apurpledheart @comically-sleep-deprived @busansgloss @mrcleanheichou @vii-x-mmx @pimpnameyannie @bvxsan @jikooksgirl19

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giffingthingsss · 3 years

Text

J/C, C/7, and Me

Disclaimer: I am not necessarily a J/C shipper. I just have eyeballs and enjoy the show. Long ass post.

In the Beginning

Was a Janeway/Chakotay romantic plot baked in? I tend to think not. At least not at the very start. But this is pure speculation on my part.

If romance is your goal, then it’s much more interesting to have Chakotay not immediately being 100% supportive. (An AU where they never get lost and it’s just Janeway pursuing this Maquis leader and maybe eventually being persuaded and helping him, please.)

I think initially they were flirting with the idea of Janeway/Paris. The character of Tom was described as being a potential love interest for Janeway. That idea doesn’t seem to have made it past the character sketches, but you can see a trace element of it in the very beginning.

The writers played with a number of character combinations. A pretty natural chemistry was cropping up between Captain and First Officer. Little things were dropped into scripts. Performances certainly came across as interested, whether intended or not, who knows.

Ramping Up

Where before there were hints and moments, Resolutions kicks off a series of flashing red sirens.

From this episode on there would be declarations of... ‘you bring me true peace’, and ‘I’m frickin jealous, okay?’ and bawling declarations of ‘you can’t die!’ These developments are not in the shipper’s imagination. They’re building toward something. Clearly. Obviously. Said all the people with eyes.

For the first couple seasons, Janeway being engaged kind of kept this at bay. But now they’re fully playing with it.

Road Block

However, Kate Mulgrew (and maybe others, I dunno) was like, ‘sure. develop the relationship. but no sex. the first female captain isn’t going to be having booty calls in the ready room. not gonna happen. people are going to take this captain seriously.’

So they played with it here and there, but it could only go so far. Kate seemed to want the best of both worlds. A deep, complicated, growing relationship, that never tipped over into the sexual. Her focus was on getting the crew home.

Beltran flat out says (in one of the books I own that I don’t feel like digging out) that Chakotay was in love with her. But Beltran was getting frustrated. When Year of Hell came around, he apparently called up the writers and said, ‘how long is this guy gonna keep throwing himself at a woman who never reciprocates? it’s getting pathetic. either do something with these two or don’t.’

Loner Janeway

Along the way, I think Kate became enamored with the idea of the loneliness of command, the sacrifices it entails. Fell in love with the poignancy of it all.

This is not something that’s out of character for Janeway. Beyond the fact that in the beginning she was engaged, pairing off was a luxury she didn’t think the captain had. So any kind of romantic relationship she might pursue would have to start with her being broken out of that mindset.

That’s basically what Resolutions did. Once they finally pried Voyager out of her fingers, you could see a burgeoning love very clearly. But then Voyager came back. And with it her... resolutions.

Coulda Woulda Shoulda

If they had wanted to snip it and move on, they should have had that conflict between Janeway and Chakotay at some point. Perhaps after Beltran called them up and said, ‘hey. Make up your minds.’

Have the characters actually talk about it and reach a conclusion and there ya go. But maybe the writers just didn’t know wtf they wanted to do with it and wanted to leave their options open. And then did nothing at all.

Me, a Non-Shipper

Personally, I tend to agree with the Mulgrew side of things (and can also see why Beltran would be bored with the eternal holding pattern and not mind when they said ‘hey, you can kiss Jeri Ryan.’)

They developed the Tom/B’Elanna romance, which was great. We didn’t need non-stop romantic plots. I think the shippers could understand Kate’s reasoning and were willing to go with the slow burn...if the writers had actually sat down and decided that’s what they were doing. If only they hadn’t dropped the ball at the very end.

Here’s the thing: if you build up a relationship like that, you can’t be upset when people notice. And you can’t give up on it behind the scenes without telling the audience on screen. ‘There are some lines we never cross’ might have been an attempt, but was too late. And was certainly not closure. The audience deserved better.

C/7? WTF!?

Well, if you thought there was no build up for it, it’s because there wasn’t. If you felt like it was whirlwind and came out of nowhere, it’s because it was, and it did. Apparently even in the writer’s room.

Brannon Braga wanted Seven to die in the finale. He was writing her episodes to gear up for that. Human Error, the episode where Seven experiments with romantic ideas with a holographic Chakotay (with a kiss that was apparently the result of a dare Beltran made to Jeri), was written with Seven’s death in mind. It wasn’t supposed to be the opening salvo of an actual relationship.

I think Seven of Nine should have bit the dust. I think there had to be a real sacrifice for this crew getting home, a real blood sacrifice. Seven of Nine was, for me, designed to be a character that was gonna die tragically. I planned that.... There’s an episode called Human Error that I wrote...she's trying to feel emotions. She actually succeeds and then almost dies. She learns there’s a Borg implant, that if she becomes too human, it will kill her. And it was that moment in my mind that would set up the finale, where she realized she can’t live here, she can’t live there. And she dies getting her family home. - Brannon Braga

I’m glad they didn’t go that way for various reasons. I love Endgame as it is. But it’s interesting to know the thought process. They weren’t gearing up for romance, they were aiming for tragedy. At least Braga was.

Human Error was only about six episodes from the end. At the time of that writing, that's what was in at least his head.

Human Error was not written with an eye toward a C/7 future. Without that episode I doubt highly C/7 would have been a thing. And it wasn’t even written to make it a thing.

Endgame obviously didn't go that way. Janeway-palooza instead. So. What do we do now? What to do with Seven? And from here on, all I have is speculation.

Retooling

'Well, we've got this holodeck scenario from the episode we wrote when we were planning to kill her off that hints that she might like Chakotay. So. I guess we'll go with that.'

It appears to me that they retooled recently written story elements to fit their ending, to provide more motivation for that ending.

They picked the three people it would kill Janeway most to lose. Tuvok, obviously. An ongoing torment, visiting him every week. Seven dies (a remnant of plan A) and in a sense takes Chakotay with her.

This is all fuel for Admiral Janeway without making it about saving her lover (unless you’re a J/7 shipper, in which case, hog heaven).

When you think of it only in terms of ‘what can we do to make the finale work’, it’s not terrible. When you think of it in terms of seven preceding years, it doesn’t work at all. They got myopic.

In hindsight I think the writers could probably admit it was a mistake in terms of the show, and they should have resisted the urge to do something that was thrown together and jarring rather than nothing at all with Seven.

Gossip

Apparently neither Mulgrew or Beltran were opposed to C7 in the end. Maybe because they had at points been a bit frustrated with each other behind the scenes. Whether those frustrations were forefront in anyone’s mind at the time, idk.

I tend to think Kate really was over the idea of Janeway’s destiny having much to do with romance at all.

It is interesting that when Seven first arrived on the show, Kate specifically mentioned not wanting the writers to throw her with Chakotay. At that point perhaps feeling a tad possessive. Perhaps didn’t want him ‘sullied’ by the busty blonde.

But this was seasons in the past by the time the finale rolled around, and I doubt highly it had anything to do with anything. Who knows.

Me on Endgame

Personally, I'm glad Endgame was a Janeway palooza. I love 99% of Endgame. I’m glad it was about Janeway vs.Janeway vs. Borg Queen. I wouldn’t have wanted it to be about J/C either.

But if you’re not willing to go there, leave it then to the imagination. It's cruel to basically tell your audience that these two would be together if not for their delta quadrant circumstances, and then rip the rug from under them the second they get to the quadrant where this romance is supposed to be possible. Not cool, man. Not cool.

When I first saw Endgame (as a non-shipper with eyes) C/7 was jarring and weird. But I thought the scene where Seven was distancing herself was well acted and stirred up an emotion or two (even if it was a little histrionic, considering they'd just started dating). So I wasn’t throwing things at my television. Just confused.

I also basically dismissed their future relationship. They got home after like one date, not ten years of marriage. And now their lives will completely change. So I just kind of hand-waved it away. "It did its job for the episode, but the future's changed and they won't last. So whatever."

Headanons on Janeway’s romantic reasoning and original timeline reaction to C/7

Captain Janeway had no idea how long it would take to get back home. Obviously you hope for tomorrow, but it could be twenty years from now. She resigned herself to not pursue romance. Her sole purpose in life was to get the crew safely home.

So I speculate her reaction to C/7 would be quite stoic. She would recognize it’s not fair for him to just pine away, possibly forever. That she has made this choice and he shouldn't have to be alone because of it. Her being alone is just part of the price she must pay, the burden she must bear. Her own wants and needs must take a backseat. She has greater responsibilities.

In fact, I can see her encouraging C/7. She would see it as a form of selfless love. ‘It doesn’t matter that he’s with me; it matters that he’s happy.’ Of course feelings would rear their heads from time to time, but she would quickly corral them into that channel.

Lots of lovely internal martyrdom. She would make it her mission to make sure they were both okay and happy. A bit of a masochistic streak that she buries under a sense of nobility and sacrifice.

This is the kind of angle I think Mulgrew came to prefer. That lovely little tragic pang. She loves drama, if nothing else.

“It’s a lonely thing, but I’m gonna get this crew home.” - Kate Mulgrew

“You always made it hard for yourself. If there was a rocky path and a smooth one, you chose the rocky one every time.” - Coda

This is a woman with a lot of love to give. But finds herself, or perhaps unnecessarily forces herself, depending on your view, in a place where that’s not a possible life choice. So those instincts expand outward, enveloping them all. She finds fulfillment in the well-being of the crew and the ship as a whole.

Post Endgame

Their trip was shortened by a lot because of Endgame. The future is no longer written in stone. So the possibilities are endless, the sky’s the limit. And apparently Seven’s a lesbian (I haven’t seen it, but I hear tell). So. There ya go.

(She is crying here, btw. I never noticed before I did that episode and feel the need to point it out once again. Lest anyone else still not have noticed.)

If you actually read this whole thing, congratulations. Hopefully it made sense. I now continue with my rewatch and probably won’t talk much about this in the future. Unless something new comes up, I’ll just continue to be a non-shipper with eyeballs, enjoying whatever’s around.

#voyager things #long ass post #of fact and probably fiction #my best current take on what went down

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dameronsgalaxygal · 4 years

Text

I’ve Been Waiting For You - Chapter 12: The Winner Takes it All

series masterlist

Pairing: modern!poe x reader

Word Count: 3323

Warnings: ANGST with some fluff at the end, slight psychical (domestic) violence (a slap), mentions of abusive relationship, language.

Song: The Winner Takes it All by ABBA

A/N: ITS FINALLY HERE. Thank you all for being so patient with me and sending me all the love. Its been a few months since I updated and I HOPE it doesn’t happen again, cause I didn’t like not updating even though it was good for my mental health. BUT IM BACK AND BETTER AND UPDATED. I love you guys so much. This chapter may be heavy to some readers, so read at your own risk. As usual, don't forget to listen to the song, and comments and feedback are always welcome! Taglist is open!

Summary: You confront Kyle and are brought back to the day before you left for Florida.

You had to be dreaming. You must have fallen asleep on the couch and this was some sick nightmare, because there was no way your ex boyfriend was standing in front of you.

Oh, but he was.

An overwhelming amount of emotions flooded your body as you looked at Kyle. Fear. Confusion. Panic.

“K-Kyle,” You nearly whispered, “What are you doing here?”

“I came to find you.”

“A year and a half later?” You wanted to ask but refrained. It made no sense why he was here. Since you had left New York, Kyle had only called you once. You had taken it as a sign that he had given up, but him standing in front of you said otherwise.

You swallowed hard, “What do you want?”

“You.” He said bluntly.

“How did you find me?” You asked, your voice shaking.

“I have my ways,” Yep, there’s the smart ass you remembered, “ Can I come in?” He took a step forward but you closed the door slightly, your body blocking him from going any further.

“No.”

“Y/N..”

“I need you to leave.” You had tears welding in your eyes. Every moment you had spent with Kyle in the past were just bad memories now. You didn’t need to be brought back, and you especially didn’t need to watch him plead his way back into you.

Since you had moved to Miami, you had grown so much stronger. You were able to speak about what Kyle had put you through both physically and mentally. You had felt so much better, not focusing on the past and being able to look toward the future. Poe was a big part of that. You would have never guessed you would have spilled your trauma to the pilot who flew you to your new beginning, let alone become your boyfriend.

But then your boyfriend lied to you. Sort of. You weren’t really upset that he didn’t tell you the truth at first. He had held in something traumatic that happened to him just like you did. What hurt was what he said to you. He told you you were selfish, only focusing on you, not giving a shit about other people's issues. He called you a coward, saying you were going to leave Miami just like you left New York only because you were upset with what he was saying, understandably. None of which was true.

You and Poe had completely different things that you had gone through, both having been extremely painful. Sure, they were different scenarios, but that didn’t mean that your pain mattered more than the his. These were the things you would help each other with.

Kyle sighed loudly, looking around, “Can I just come in? Let’s talk, shake hands. I deserve that much.”

You just stared at him. Was he really that much of an idiot?

“Kyle, I said no.” He never understood that word.

He clenched his jaw, “Y/N, I traveled all this way for closure. I am not leaving until I get it.” His tone was dangerous and familiar. Maybe you were a fool for your next action, but you weren’t sure what else to do but give him what he wanted. Just like you used to do when you were together.

You opened the door up a little more with a sigh, nodding as he walked in. He walked fully into your living room as you closed the front door and stood in your same position.

He examined the apartment before looking back at you, “Nice place. You live alone?”

You swallowed hard, shaking your head. “Two roommates.”

He nodded, “They home?”

“No.” What the hell are you doing giving him answers he didn’t need?

He sat down on the couch, opening his mouth to speak before you cut him off.

“I don’t want to talk about things we’ve gone through.” You said blatantly.

He glared at you, jaw clenching once again. You looked at him before looking away and taking a shaky breath.

“You hurt me. But it’s history now and I have nothing to say to you. I moved here to be happy.”

“What, you weren’t happy with me?” He stood up.

“No.”

He tilted his head up slightly in thought, furrowing his brow.

“That’s funny, I don’t recall you saying you were unhappy while I was fucking you against the wall multiple times a day,” He smirked.

“That’s because I didn’t know how to tell you without you threatening me!” You snapped. If it were a year ago, there was no way in hell you would be confronting Kyle. But Miami and Poe had changed you for the better. Poe would be proud of you for standing up for yourself. But Poe wasn’t here.

“Threatening you? Threatening you?” He chuckled dryly, taking a step toward you, “Name one time I threatened you.”

“I can name plenty.”

“Please,” He gestured for you to speak, “Enlighten me.”

You took a shaky breath, watching him carefully as he crossed his arms.

“Y-you told me if I didn’t have dinner on the table when you got home that you would make me sleep on the couch for being a ‘disrespectful woman’.”

He shrugged, “What’s so bad about that?”

“It’s rude. I didn’t have to do everything for you. I wasn’t your toy.” You scoffed, looking away.

He chuckled, shaking his head.

“It’s not funny, Kyle. You put me through so much emotional pain, not to mention the multiple times you laid your hand on me. I have nothing more to say. There is no closure to be made. Now please leave.”

He seemed shocked by your tone. You had never spoken to him like this, so he was very much caught off guard.

“Since when have you been little miss tough girl?”

You scoffed, “Since I found someone who loves me and cares for me.” Even though you and Poe had gotten into a fight, you had no doubt Poe still loved you.

Kyle cocked his eyebrow, “Well you moved on fast.”

Your face started to heat up with anger, “Yeah, well that’s cause I found someone I deserve. I was tired of your bullshit Kyle. You are a jackass who disrespects women. I was tied down to you and I was unhappy. You screamed at me and shoved me and I had had enough. So I left when I had the chance. And over the course of the last year and a half I have grown. I have grown and I am happy. I have someone who loves me and treats me the way a woman should be treated. So get the fuck out of my apartment.”

With that, the back of his hand smacked you hard across the face and you fell to the floor, grabbing your cheek. He looked down at you, gritting his teeth.

“Don’t talk to me like that!”

“Get out!” You tried to scream but it only came out as a whimper.

“I don’t even know why I stayed with you to begin with. The only thing you were good for was sex and putting food on the table.”

You looked up at him, your breath picking up.

“I tried. I tried to come here and apologize for my actions. It’s not my fault you don’t fucking listen.”

“You were stupid to think I would really accept your apology.” You mumbled. He lifted his hand again and you curled into yourself, squeezing your eyes shut to prepare for his next strike. He just sighed heavily before taking a step back.

“Forget it, you aren’t worth it.” He scoffed before leaving, slamming the door behind him.

Almost in time with the sound of the door, you choked out a sob, covering your mouth. You had to hold it together in front of Kyle. If he saw your weakness, he would have taken advantage of it.

You had been doing so well. You were growing and accepting yourself. You were learning to not allow him to hold you back. Until now. It was feeling like that day you decided to leave all over again. You thought you had gotten away for good, that you had nothing to worry about. You were wrong.

You cried loudly for a few minutes before gaining enough strength to stand up and walk over to the couch. You collapsed onto it, hands shaking as you reached for your phone to dial for Poe.

Your breathing was heavy, a mix between sobs and hiccups.

““Pick Up. Pick Up. Pick Up.” You whispered into the phone. This seems familiar, you thought.

“Hey.” Poe said, sighing in relief. It seemed as though he had been waiting for you to call.

“P-P-Poe…” You whimpered.

“Y/N? Are you okay?” His tone changed from relief to worry.

“No.”

“What’s going on? Are you safe?”

“I don’t know.”

“Baby what are you talking about?”

“K-Kyle.” Your cheek was really starting to sting now.

You couldn’t see it, but Poe’s face flushed with anger.

“What about Kyle?”

“H-He w-was h-here.”

“What?”

“He found me somehow a-and he said he wanted closure and I was an idiot and let him inside and I confronted him and told him to leave an-and he…” You swallowed hard, trying to contain yourself.

“He what, Y/N?” His jaw clenched.

“He hit me.”

Silence.

“P-Poe?”

“Is he gone?”

You nodded even though he couldn’t see you, “Yes. I think so. He was about to hit me again but then told me I wasn’t worth his time and he left.”

“Where are you right now?”

“On the couch in my living room. Poe I need you. P-please.” You let out a sob.

Poe’s heart broke. He was on the other side of the country for at least another day.

“Sweetheart..”

“I’m sorry Poe. I’m sorry for walking out on our anniversary. Just, please.”

Poe swallowed hard, “Don’t you dare apologize. This was not your fault at all. I said hurtful things that I regret and I haven’t gotten any sleep because I know how it tore you apart. And for that I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I hope you can forgive me.”

You sniffled, “I forgive you. Can you please come home?”

He sighed, “Y/N..”

“I’m scared of being alone. Rey is away for the weekend and Rose is out with her friends. I don’t know what to do.”

All Poe wished he could do was snap his fingers and be there to hold you and remind you how much you are worth it. But life doesn’t work that way.

“Okay, okay. Deep breaths. I’ll see what I can do.”

You sniffled and nodded, wiping your eyes. “Okay.”

“If I hang up for a few minutes do you think you’ll be okay? Or do you want me to stay on the line?” His voice was soft to keep you calm.

“I think I’ll be okay.” You said shakily.

“You sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“Okay…”

“Poe?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

He smiled softly, “I love you too. I’ll talk to you in a few, okay?”

“Okay.” You hung up, taking a deep breath and tossing your phone back on the coffee table.

You covered your face, taking a few deep breaths like Poe had instructed you to do.

After a few minutes you stood up from the couch and made your way to the bathroom. You grabbed a washcloth, dampening it with warm water and gently stroking it along your bruised cheek. A small blue and purple bruise was forming underneath your eye and you sighed, shaking your head. It was all too familiar.

A knock on the door caused you to jump. You turned your head to look toward the door, lip already beginning to quiver. There was no way Poe had gotten here so quickly, which meant it was probably Kyle again.

You stood frozen, terrified of what would happen if you opened the door again.

“Y/N?” A female voice made you furrow your brow.

“Y/N, open up. It’s Leia.”

Leia? What was Leia doing on this side of Miami? She lived at least forty minutes away. However, you needed someone at this point, so you ran to answer the door.

“Leia.” You whispered.

“Hi hon.” She smiled softly.

“What are you doing here?” You sniffled.

“Poe called me. Luckily I was nearby visiting a friend.”

You sighed in relief, eyes forming tears once again.

“Can I come in?”

“Please,” You gestured for her to come inside.

She walked in, setting her bag down on the counter and then pulling you into a hug.

You hugged her tightly, small sobs escaping your lips as you cried into her shoulder. You clutched onto her shirt and she sighed.

“Let it out.”

“I was so scared. I did my best to stand up for myself but h-he..”

“I know. Poe told me. It’s okay. You don’t need to talk about it.”

You nodded and sniffled, finally calming down.

“Here,” Leia pulled back, “Let me see.”

You stood up straight as she gently ran her thumb along your bruised cheek.

“Ice and Advil should reduce the swelling. Do you know where he went?”

You shook your head, “I don’t know. I don’t know how he got my address or even knew I moved to Florida!”

She nodded, “Okay, well you aren’t going to stay here tonight. Are you comfortable with coming to my house for the night? Poe will be back tomorrow.”

You nodded. You just didn’t want to be alone, even though Rose would be back later. You weren’t as close to Rose. Leia was not only your boss, but Poe's aunt. You felt connected to her, and you were sure she knew about your past. Poe told Leia everything.

“Let me just pack a bag real quick.”

She smiled softly and nodded as you went to your room, packing up a change of clothes and pajamas along with some toiletries and your blanket.

You sent Rose a text letting her know you were going to be gone for the night and that you would be home sometime tomorrow. She didn’t reply, but you figured it was because she was out drunk at the bar. She’d realize you were gone eventually.

The drive to Leia’s house seemed shorter than it was, only because Leia managed to keep your mind off of Kyle. She talked to you about new books that were arriving in the shop, gave you more restaurant recommendations, and even talked you through your argument with Poe.

“He’s a boy. He doesn’t think before he speaks.” She’d say. You cracked a small smile.

“I’ll just tell you this, that boy loves you immensely. He’s been in love with you since he saw you get off the plane from New York. You have nothing to worry about” She said. You looked at her, lips parting slightly. She just looked at you and smiled before continuing to drive. Leia really did know everything.

The rest of the evening was comfortable. Her house was small but cute, with only two rooms and one bathroom. You were introduced to Leia's husband, Han, who wouldn’t stop cracking jokes. Normally you would tell him they were extremely cheesy, but you needed all the smiles and laughs you could get. Leia let you take the guest room and offered you the shower. You had been so emotionally exhausted, you just decided to slide into bed after thanking Leia and Han for offering you their home.

You laid down with an ice pack pressed gently against your cheek as you scrolled through your phone when a text popped up.

Hey. Called in tomorrow. Catching the next flight back to Miami. I won’t be back until late, so don’t wait up. Aunt Leia told me you’re at her place. I will see you first thing in the morning. I love you baby. Sleep well. - Poe

You smiled softly to yourself. He really cared about you so much that he called in to his job, as a pilot, to catch a flight home, when he isn’t piloting, to get home to you quicker. Just like Leia said, he loved you immensely.

-----------

You woke up the next morning to a familiar voice, the voice that had helped you grow so much the past year.

“Baby,” Poe’s voice caused your eyes to flutter open slowly. It took you a moment before you realized who it was. Your eyes widened when it came to you.

Without a word, you sprung up, throwing yourself into him. You held him as close as you could, “I’m so glad you’re here.”

Poe sighed, nuzzling his head into your neck, “Me too.”

You stayed in silence for a moment before Poe spoke, “I’m going to find him, and I am going to beat his ass.”

You chuckled, pulling back and resting your forehead on his.

“I love you, but you don’t have to do that.”

He frowned when he saw your cheek, “Y/N, he did this to you..” He ran his thumb under your eye gently.

You sighed, “I know.”

“That’s not okay. He needs to be arrested.”

“I don’t know where he is now. For all I know he could have gone back to New York.”

Poe sighed and nodded, kissing the tender spot softly.

“How do you feel about staying with me for a bit? He doesn’t know me or my address, so he won’t know where you are. Just… until we have a pretty good idea he’s not here anymore.”

You smiled. Part of you hoped he would say that.

“I’d love that.”

He smiled widely, “Good, cause I took the week off. Family emergency.”

You shook your head, “You didn’t need to do that for me…”

“Yes I did. Because I love you, I care about you, and you and your safety is important to me.” He put his forehead on yours.

You took a shaky breath, “Thank you.”

He smiled as Leia walked in.

“How’re the lovebirds?”

You giggled as Poe stood up, walking over to her and wrapping his arm around her, kissing her head.

“Thank you for checking on her and bringing her here on such short notice.”

“Of course. She’s like family. She makes you happy.” She winked at you.

You smiled softly, looking down at your lap.

He smiled over at you before looking back down at Leia.

“I think I’m going to take her back to my place for the week just so I know she’s safe.”

Leia nodded, “If you two need anything, you let me know.” You nodded.

“Oh, and Y/N?” You looked up at Leia, “Take the week off.”

Your smile dropped, “Leia…”

“Please. Spend time together. I know you want it.”

You looked at Poe and he nodded, in which you smiled softly.

“Thank you.”

She winked again before clapping her hands together.

“Alright, I know it's been a rough last 24 hours, but I made french toast. Care to stay for a little while longer?”

“Hell yeah,” Poe chuckled, “How could I ever pass up Auntie's famous recipe?”

You giggled and nodded, “I’d love some.”

She smiled widely and nodded, “It’ll be ready in ten. I’ll leave you two alone..”

She walked out as you got out of the sheets, walking to Poe. He wrapped his arms around your waist and you put your hand on his cheek.

“I’m sorry about all the things I said to you…” He started.

You shook your head, “Later.”

He nodded, leaning down to kiss you slowly. You smiled through it, arms snaking around to wrap around his neck as he pulled you closer against his chest.

The spark you had missed the last couple days was finally back, and you were content, regardless of your confrontation with Kyle. You really couldn’t complain. He was home.

Kyle tried to break you once again, and in the moment you felt you had lost everything all over again. Your confidence, your happiness, yourself. But Poe was here to remind you that you hadn’t. You were still that beautiful, talented, strong woman he had gotten to know and love. You weren’t a loser. You were a winner, and the winner takes it all.

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#poe dameron x reader #poe dameron #poe dameron fanfiction #poe x reader #imagine-poe-dameron #I've been waiting for you poe #modern poe #modern au #poe angst #tw slapping

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mrs-takami-keigo · 4 years

Text

Something to Somebody

PART 1

Pairing: Bakugo x Reader x Shouto

Warnings: slight mentions of cheating, !!Panic attack!! (Part 2 will be 18+)

Word Count: 2.2k

Note: Everyone is aged up for this as usual. Ages between 25-27

A/N: I might continue this after part 2 if everyone wants it. I’ve been working on this concept for a while now.

Description: One is your past and the other is your future, but which is which

Part 2

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You looked at your boyfriend of two years in disbelief. Shouto was sitting at the desk across from your bed, elbows on his knee’s hands covering his beautiful face. You knew he was upset but couldn’t really understand why. He knew you were still friends with your ex, hell he was friends with your ex. So, going out to dinner with Bakugou shouldn’t have been a problem.

Shouto sighed as he lifted his head up slightly, large hands still covered the lower part of his face interlocking his fingers. “I can’t believe did that.” His usual caring and loving eyes were cold, leaving you to feel your stomach drop.

“You're kidding right?” Your voice was low but full of intent. Crossing your arms over your chest you stared right back at him, this was a fight that you weren’t going to back down from. It was rare for the two of you to fight at all but lately ever since Bakugou had been transferred to your patrol route it became at least once a week. Sometimes it would be an argument about if you were patrolling with just Bakugou or that time a news sight posted a picture of the explosion hero carrying you to safety after you twisted your ankle chasing a criminal. But this seemed to break the straw for your boyfriend.

“I'm very serious actually.” He crossed his arms also, challenging you. He knew this wasn't going to be an easy argument, you could be so hot tempered sometimes it was one of the reasons why he loved you, and maybe why Bakugou had loved you too. He needed you to see what he saw; make you feel how he felt when he saw the latest picture of you and your Ex pop up online.

“That's sad because I don't see the problem.” You brushed him off and walked out of your bedroom to go into the kitchen. Walking past your best friend and roommate Kyouka, you walked into the kitchen.

Y/N, I'm not done talking to you.” You could hear Shouto’s calm voice from the kitchen doorway. Reaching into the refrigerator you were about to grab a bottle of water but opted to get a can of beer instead, this night was going to call for a little alcohol.

“What more do you have to say cause, I'm really confused Shouto. All I did was go out with him for dinner. Fuck, I was texting you the whole damn time.” You were slowly losing your patience. It felt like no matter what he kept talking about the same thing repeatedly, driving you insane. Almost every day he spoke more about Bakugou than you did.

“It's one thing to have dinner with your ex alone, it’s another thing to not even tell me, even though you were texting me but the kicker of it all is that I had to find out from a fucking Paparazzi website! Do you understand how that made me feel!?” You could tell that he was at his getting pissed at this point, but you honestly didn't care. He was going to have to learn how to suck it up and move on.

“Okay first of all, I had dinner with my ex, yes but he is still my friend. Second you have dinner with Momo, who when I last checked was an ex of yours! Do you see me carrying on like how you are? No Shouto you don’t and you want to know why-“

“The difference Y/N is that Momo isn’t in love with me!” Shouto had yelled looking you in the eyes. Your heart had quickened, what was he trying to say? You tried to walk past him, but he blocked your way out. You stepped to the other side and so did he. Sighing you looked down then back at him.

“Shouto you need to move out of the way.” The words you spoke were nothing but a harsh whisper that held authority behind them.

“No.” His voice was flat and stern. He was pushing you, letting out a shaky breath you tried again.

“I'm asking you nicely. Please move aside Shouto.”

“I said no.” taking your hand you pinched the bridge of your noise between your thumb and forefinger.

“Okay you want to talk then lets fucking talk because you obviously won't leave me the fuck alone until you do.” You turned and walked to the table, grabbing one of the chairs harshly dragging it out before sitting down. Shouto exhaled before following suit making the chair face you, sitting close enough so he could place his warm hand on your knee.

“I just don't know why you couldn't tell me you were with him before hand.” He finally said. His eyes were searching yours, Shouto didn’t like arguing with you. it made his heart slowly break. All he wanted to do was sweep you up into his arms and hold you, but he was hurting too.

“He was a friend in need. He needed a friend and called me. And me being the nice person I am didn't turn my back on him.” You knew the attitude in your voice wasn’t necessary, but you couldn't help it you were past the point of caring.

“You could lose the damn attitude you know.” Shouto growled out between his teeth, taking his hand off your knee the two-toned hair man in front of you leaned back in his chair.

“Oh no that chance is long gone Todoroki.” You shrugged your shoulders and took a sip of the cold beer.

“You really are difficult do you know that.” That line for some reason was enough for you to finally lash out at him.

“Me!? I'm difficult? You're getting mad at your girlfriend for going to dinner with her friend! But you want to call me difficult? Great fucking joke Shouto.”

“I'm mad because you went out with a man that is completely still in love with you!” You saw the veins in his neck slightly pop out and that meant one thing, he was beyond pissed. Shouto was always a quite man so for him to be yelling at you like this, it left you a little frightened.

“Why do you keep saying that? Bakugou is not in love with me, why would you even think that?” For some reason you couldn’t help but feel little butterflies in the pit of your stomach. Bakugou couldn’t love you, no it was just Shouto imagining things. The blonde hero shouldn’t have feelings for you after what you did to him, it’s been 5 years since he broke up with you there was no way.

“Did you forget he works at my father’s agency? I heard him tell Kirishima one day when I passed by them in the conference room. He said how he can't forget you, not in the 'she was my Ex' kind of way but in ‘she was my everything’ way. Plus, I see how he looks at you when we all go out, he has that longing look in his eyes.” You felt those butterflies grow. He still loved you. Why? How? Shouto didn't miss the look in your eyes though. He knew you well enough to know what he just told you had a major effect on you.

“Do you still have feelings for him?” He asked you suddenly.

“What?” You felt as if your mouth had gone dry.

“Do you still have feeling for him?” Shouto repeated himself. Looking at him, you could see he was looking down at his feet, the fringe of his hair covering his eyes.

“Me being with you should tell you the answer. Me sitting here having this foolish conversation with you should be proof enough. I love you Shouto.” You really did love him; you’ve grown with him. Shouto helped build you up after you broke down when Bakugou broke it off. All the times you spent smiling with him and laughing with him flashed in your mind, as did Bakugou’s smiling face.

“Just say you don’t have feelings for Bakugou.” Lifting his head, he looked at you, his eyes made you want to grab him and hug him. They were lifeless and cold, this wasn’t your Shouto. And yet you couldn’t answer him. It was as if you were about to open your mouth to say it, you’d forget how to form the words. “I am going to take your silence as my answer.” Standing up from the chair Shouto started waking to the door. Moving as fast as you could you grabbed his hand making him stop.

“Shouto please.” You felt your voice crack at the end tears were threatening to fall from your eyes.

“I can’t do this anymore.” Pulling his once warm hand away from yours he continued to the front door, leaving you in the middle of the kitchen speechless. Shouto just broke up with you and Bakugou might still love you. Felling everything come crashing down, your knees buckled under you as you could feel your breath quicken, vision tunneling all you could hear was your shallow breathing and the blood rushing to your head.

“Hey, you alright?” Kyouka popped her head into the kitchen to see you on the floor breathing heavy. Kyouka had been your friend since high school so she knew when you were having a panic attack. Grabbing ice from the freezer, she wrapped it in a dish towel putting it behind your neck.

“Just take deep breaths, I’m here. You’re at home in the kitchen, okay. Just keep taking deep breaths with me.” Kyouka coaching helped calm you down. Felling you like you could breath again, you grabbed onto her hand.“What have I done Kyouka?” The tears wouldn’t stop from falling, body still shaking. Kyouka sat on the floor with you, wrapping her arms around your shoulders. Leaning your head on her chest you felt your friend rest hers atop your own, rocking you slowly.

“You and Bakugou have a lot of history together, you never got to have closure honey. But like you said you are with Shouto after all. No matter what you came home to him so he should get that.” You looked at Kyouka to see her smiling at you. A small half smile grazed your lips, but the both of you knew it was forced.

“Want me to tell Denki that you’re going to sit his birthday party out?” You had totally forgot about the birthday party. The entire group rented rooms at a hotel near the beach for the weekend. Everyone was supposed to leave on Friday morning but now because of this you had to make different room arrangements.

“No, I'll go. I can't do that to him I promised I was gonna go and I will.” Just the thought of being around both Shouto and Bakugou made you want to throw yourself through the fucking wall, but it wasn't going to stop you from having a good time with the others.

A week had passed, and it was finally the day where you would face both of your Ex’s at the same time. This past week had been excruciating to say the least, making sure to stay away from Bakugou during your patrol’s and trying to stay away from the gossiping tabloids who got wind of your breakup with Shouto.

“I'm glad you came; it means a lot to me.” You looked at Denki as he sat in the back of your car. You had offered to drive to the hotel with Kyoka, Denki and Shouto but when the rest of the group came to your place, you watched as Shouto decided to go into Kirishima’s car instead. If Kirishima had Shouto, Mina and Sero, that meant Bakugou was going to be in your car seeing as he was the last to get there.

“Please you thought I was gonna miss out on a perfectly good time.” Turning back to Denki, you flipped your hair in an exaggerated way making him laugh.

“Glad to see you smiling.” She knew this was awkward for everyone. She was close to all of them and they were like a family, everyone has been together since U.A. days. She wasn't proud of having had dated two guys within the same friend group but were all human and we dont have a choice of who we fall in love with.

“Hey, you guys want to lead, or should I?” You turned to look out the window to see Kirishima pulled up next to you with Shouto in the passenger seat not even looking your way.

“You lead, I suck at directions.” You sent Kirishima a smile before nodding his head and facing the road.

“Make sure you keep up.” He laughed as he pulled away. Shacking your head, you pulled off after him. The pain in your heart was all too real when you remember how Shouto never even spared a glance at you.

Checking the rearview mirror, you saw crimson eyes staring at you intensely. Bakugou had found out through Denki that he was the reason you and Shouto broke up, which reminded you to have a talk with your roommate about her big mouth boyfriend. You gave Bakugou a small smile, but he knew what that smile meant. It meant that you were sorry, sad and that you are hurting. He couldn’t accept that, he was the one that felt sorry, he was the reason you had your heart broken. Bakugou read every emotion that one smile represented. All he did was continue to look at you, but you saw his eyes soften, reading his emotions and intent behind them, you felt those pesky butterflies come back, Love.

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#bakugou x reader #shouto x reader #shoto x reader #mha bakugo x reader #mha #denki x kyoka #kirishima #boku no hero fanfic #my hero academy fanfiction #bakugou kastuki #shoto todoroki #todoroki shoto x reader #angst

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