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diaperedautistic · 1 year

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finding diapers as a continent/semicontinent autistic

(This essay is not in Plain Language. Please tell me if you want a Plain Language version and I will write one.)

I was slow to toilet train: I routinely came home wet from kindergarten and was still wetting myself occasionally in third grade and later. This was mostly an executive function problem; I usually knew I had to pee, but didn't have the executive function to stop whatever I was doing to use the bathroom.

I didn't get much in the way of help for this: I was kicked out of diapers before entering kindergarten. In kindergarten and first grade, I was 'on a schedule', which meant staff would pull me out of class to take me to use the bathroom periodically, hopefully before I'd wet myself. As early as kindergarten, my parents yelled at me for wetting myself, and past first grade, yelling was all the help I got. No one suggested diapers as a way to avoid the shame and humiliation of accidents; it was apparently better for a third-grader to wet herself in front of her classmates than for her to wear diapers.

Eventually, like some autistics, I 'grew out' of it: I learned to absorb the executive function cost of interrupting myself to go pee, or the pain of holding it because I didn't want to interrupt myself, and I stopped wetting myself.

At some level, though, I always understood that diapers were something I needed: when I hit puberty, they became a fetish object; when I transitioned in my late twenties, they shifted to a non-sexual emotional comfort, and I started wearing them more often. As I worked through some of my childhood trauma in therapy, they shifted again, to a radical way of 'rewriting the story' for my younger self who'd needed them, and I started wearing them full-time.

(I want to stop here and acknowledge that I was privileged to be able to make this change in my life: I can afford to live by myself to avoid judgmental family or housemates, and I can afford to buy disposable diapers out of pocket. Many people can't, and I'd love to see diapers as a voluntary adaptation for autistics destigmatized and covered by insurance.)

Once I was wearing diapers full-time, something magical happened: my brain settled back into those same patterns from elementary school, using my diaper when I'm hyperfocused and using the toilet when I'm not. I find focused tasks easier and less stressful, since I don't have to interrupt myself to go use the bathroom in the moment or cope with the ongoing sensory and executive function cost of feeling and knowing that I have to go to the bathroom eventually. I don't worry about burning something on the stove, forgetting important context while programming, or losing the plot of a movie or TV show I wanted to watch. I can get what I wanted to get done more easily, and have more energy and cope left for other things.

Despite the obvious benefits, I still felt ashamed when I found myself wet after a period of hyperfocus; I wasn't 'supposed' to wet myself, and I wasn't 'supposed' to wear diapers.

A couple weeks ago, as part of a larger effort to find better accommodations for myself, I found @endeverstar's wonderful article "Finding AAC as a verbal/semiverbal autistic". It talks about how xe found speaking with mouth words difficult and stressful but was nonetheless forced into a bunch of speech therapy as a kid so xe could be considered "speaking"; nobody offered xem AAC as a kid because xe didn't 'need' it and it was stigmatized. Xe discovered AAC as an adult, quickly realized it was easier and less stressful than mouth words, and is at this point mostly-nonspeaking.

This was me, toilet training, and diapers. Everything suddenly made sense.

I found toileting without diapers as a backup difficult and stressful, but was nonetheless forced to so I could be considered "toilet trained"; nobody offered me diapers as a kid past the 'normal' age because I didn't 'need' them and they were stigmatized. I rediscovered diapers as an adult, realized they were easier and less stressful, and decided to wear them all the time.

Overnight, that last whiff of shame disappeared. Diapers aren't just a fetish object, an emotional comfort, or a way of 'rewriting' my trauma. Diapers are a valid adaptive choice for autistics, even those who are technically capable of always using the toilet!

So, to paraphrase endever*: if you're a continent or mostly-continent autistic person and you're wondering whether diapers might be useful for you -- consider this your permission slip! You're allowed to try them if you think they might help, and you're allowed to keep using them if you find them helpful. Toileting works for abled people, but isn't inherently superior; don't listen to anyone who says you're 'not allowed' to use diapers unless you 'need' them or that you should force yourself to always use the toilet if that doesn't work for you.

Everyone deserves access to the full range of communication methods that work for them, and likewise everyone deserves access to the full range of toileting strategies that work for them.

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the-tbh-creature · 10 months

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xx ⋆ ˚ ꩜ ｡ ⋆୨ 🌫💨 ୧˚ ✧ ೃ༄*ੈ✩ ✰

⋆｡˚ stimboard ˚｡⋆

;; x x x | x x x | x x x

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

requests open !

#stimboard #clean stim #safe stimboard #water stim #water stimboard #white stim #white stimboard #stim stim stim #stimblr #safe stim #sfw stimboard #stimming #adhd stimming #autism stimming #autistic stimming #neurodiverse squad

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bpdnchill · 11 months

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ADHD thrifty challenge, hard mode: eat only the food in your house.

#actually adhd #adhd post #neurodiverse squad

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silvandar · 2 years

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How many other neurodiverse folks have been wandering around making cat noises since experiencing this game?

#stray game #stray #ps5 #mrrrow #catblr #neurodiverse squad

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wordsbytheo · 1 year

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connie's guide to polyamory and witchcraft

a ya contemporary romance

Connie Melo de Teixeira has never fit in anywhere -- her autistic traits always getting in the way. This changes when Daisy Mae Zhang and Gideon Morales McKenna take her in during their sophomore year.

Now, Connie has a new goal: to make sure he proves his worth. The opportunity arrives as Gideon intends on getting a transphobic teacher fired (as well as an ulterior motive they've kept secret) and Daisy plans on coming out to her father.

After finding his grandmother's journals detailing her life as a pagan witch, Connie decides to use this knowledge to try and help his friends. But when the ritual goes wrong and a love spell is accidentally cast, the group's lives take a strange turn.

or: spell gone wrong leads to three best friends falling in love with their lives are going to hell.

IF YOU LIKE:

-> complicated relationships with faith -> messy family dynamics -> trans girl transitioning (& gender euphoria) -> best (& childhood) friends to lovers -> mental heath & autism + adhd rep you might like connie's guide <3

#writers on tumblr #queer romance #poly relationship #young adult #my writing #actuallyautistic #autistic mc #neurodiverse squad #wip intro #lgbtq+#connie’s guide #wip page #wip #wipnook

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elaurianwellness · 1 year

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More geeky inspired affirmations, this time from the wisdom of Doctor Who!

#Doctor Who #The Doctor #Affirmations #Geekery #Geek Affirmations #Neuroqueering Wellness #Neurodiverse Squad #Neuroqueer #Neuroqueering #Neurospicy

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jovialnightmares · 2 years

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#neurodiverse squad #neurodivergence #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #actually neurodiverse #neurodiverse meme #i left the psych book alone because.... mood #mental health memes

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anendoandfriendo · 1 year

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A Rough Draft of "Not AlloBout You" (working/temporary title)

Brackets are words we aren't sure about but have a concept we wanna work into the thing.

Stanzas/paragraphs within the image are separated by two lines instead of just one so things looks neater. For some reason we can't seem to do this on Tumblr but we're trying to find a workaround.

Title was completely and utterly on the fly and suggested by our headmate Vanilla to pur headmate Elise.

This is about the intersections between asexuality and how our plurality involves a "veil" of sorts — it's not a shell alter or any kind of headmate but it still exists and puts a considerable filter on us and that affects how we interact with the world.

I'm sick and tired of your songs

That talk about your boys and girls

And how your legs work and how

You're always blushing

There's no rules you're breaking

No rebellion you're creating

Nobody condemns you

The same

That they do to me

It's always about sex

It's always about love

But apparently love isn't good enough

If it's only a friend

Or only yourself

Or only yourselves

Then they say you'll die alone

And you respond that that's fine

Because you never were

But even if that was true, how is that a bad thing?

It's always about sex

It's always about love

But apparently love isn't good enough

If it's only a friend

Or only yourself

Or only yourselves

We were friends of Dorothy before you pushed us away,

[[and we're friends to the Cheshire cat, those that you hate so happily??]]

So we're gonna need you to stop

Making murderers out of our multiple personalities

The ace on our mask's sleeve is our sexuality

Not a weapon like the heart you wear in kind

It's always about sex

It's always about love

But apparently love isn't good enough

If it's only a friend

Or only yourself

Or only yourselves

#plurality #asexual #plural gang #endogenic system #enexto #ace #asexuality #mogai #queer #neuroqueer #neurodiverse squad #neurodiversity #actually endogenic #multiplicity #uniquely plural

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junflower123 · 2 years

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Not understanding doesn’t give you the right to not give a shit Wrote you a blueprint only for you to read it upside down and backwards Gave you an instruction manual and you said that was too complicated

Should I simplify myself? Meanwhile you’re allowed to be so damn complicated And complicate my life as well

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fueled-by-sour-brite-octopuses · 1 year

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Hi! This is a friendly reminder to all the neurodivergent folks out there (including but not limited to personality, mood, dissociative, cluster B, and anxiety disorders, neurological disabilities, and the schizophrenia spectrum as well as autism and ADHD) that the world is a better place because you and your brain are in it.

#neurodiversity #neurodiverse squad #i love you all #you are beautiful (platonic)#and a crucial part of this planet #please don't leave it

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cookii-moon · 1 year

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I'm here to spread my Ninjago neurodiversity headcanons

because this fandom does not have enough of it and I felt like it. Also because i missed neurodiversity week by one day.

uhh yeah. I wanted to have an art too but I didn't expect posting this so soon-

Anyways.

Zaneeee the classic yay.

He's definitely neurodivergent.

I don't think he'd identify as anything in particular, but he identifies as neurodivergent cuz he's a nindroid and because of that doesn't fit in or think like neurotypicals.

He's a bit of an outlier because of that tho, even in neurodiverse places.

He's decently public because he's too innocent to see how anything could go bad just because he shared it. Poor Zane, bless him :,) he definitely ended up being harassed at least once.

Cole because everybody overlooks him and I'm disappointed /hj

Okay this man is autistic. Tell me otherwise. Tell me otherwise right now. Like have you seen him.

He's very closed off about being autistic. I feel like Lou was definitely not very accommodating of it and encouraged him to mask n stuff, (which btw can lead to a huge number of anxiety and self worth issues later down the line, so do not force people to mask).

There's a lot of stigma associated with autistic people that I feel like Cole definitely wouldn't enjoy, so he keeps it pretty tight under wraps and tries to mask when he can.

He especially doesn't like telling people he knows because he doesn't want a close friend to potentially start treating him like an infant or helpless, or assume he has no emotions or starting to distance themselves from him.

He hid it from the Ninja for the first few seasons. Around after S4-5 when he and Jay had become close again he decided to tell him. I feel like he was jealous or impressed by how open Jay is in comparison (we'll get to him in a moment) and how accepting the others were. Jay's reaction is easily summed up as *HAPPY NEURODIVERGENT SOLIDARITY SCREAMING* but also "I feel stupid for not connecting the dots" and then they went from bffs to... also bffs. But now they get to make adhd and autism jokes together.

Jay helped him be more comfortable and feel more confident in himself and he finally told the other Ninja after DotD because he ended up experiencing several massive sensory overloads at some point, since being autistic made it so that the issues you'd have from finally being able to touch things after a year or two would've been amplified ten fold, so he kinda had to tell them because it stuck around for several weeks.

He still isn't very public about it towards strangers, but he's getting better about feeling comfortable with it himself and not, yknow, experiencing social anxiety 24/7 around his friends.

He's definitely on like the mild-mid end of the spectrum. He doesn't need too many accommodations, but he does experience sensory issues and might need alternative explanations for some things.

He's usually pretty closed off when he first gets to know somebody, but overtime when he does get to know them and becomes comfortable with them he gets pretty social and sarcastic with them, which doesn't always go well since he can't tell when someone gets legitimately hurt or offended or when it's just part of the joke, so being more public about it with his friends has made it so they can communicate better with that type of stuff :D

...You may notice that this one is substantially longer than the rest and the reason for that is because I'm autistic so I feel more confident about writing about an autistic character. And also because autistic Cole makes me feel represented because way too many autistic characters are either robots (which is fine, but one of my symptoms is I have difficult to relate to those types of characters) or very stereotypical. So.

I try to keep the others shorter because I don't trust myself as much with those LOL.

Also he may be colorblind, but he's not sure.

Uhh Jay

Yeah

He has adhd, probably a comorbidity too like OCD or smthn. He's in the very hyperactive group, and he's pretty public about it because he feels comfortable with who he is and doesn't really care if some idiot takes issue with it (or well, pretends like he doesn't care, except he actually does)

And ye, that's uh, about all I have to say because I'm super hungry and tired sooo

Byeeee

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bpdnchill · 10 months

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List A: things I need to do.

List B: things I am currently avoiding doing.

#adhd things #adhd struggles #I'm overwhelmed #so I'm going back to bed to reboot my brain #fml #actually adhd #neurodiverse squad

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silvandar · 1 year

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The neurodivergent urge to sit on the floor with moots and a beverage, and discuss philosophy and shared trauma til dawn.

#neurodiverse squad

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liliancmiller · 1 year

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LGBT and Neurodivergent

As a part of the LGBT community and the neurodivergent squad I adore my cishet neurotypical friends, but hanging out with queer and neurodivergent people is so refreshing.

I don´t have to keep explaining terms and hoping I don´t sound weird or annoying, I don´t have to keep wondering if they actually accept me or if they´re just politely ignoring that I´m a bit different.

It´s just mutual understanding and support, and it makes me feel so warm and comforted.

#no hate to cishet neurotypicals #you´re all perfect too #lgbt #bi #bisexual #aroace #queer #frienship #adhd #neurodiverse stuff #neurodiversesquad #actually neurodivergent #lgbt squad

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stimpunks · 1 year

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Neurodivergence and Flow

“Entering flow states – or attention tunnels – is a necessary coping strategy for many of us.”

“Flow states are the pinnacle of intrinsic motivation.”

“Flow allows us to recharge.”

—@[email protected]

#neurodiversity #education #edchat #autism #ADHD #KCS #hyperfocus #flow #productivity #neurodivergent #AuDHD #actually autistic #neurodivergent squad #kinetic cognitive style

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hydralisk98 · 2 years

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What can we do to go towards a better world?

Crazy to think that we got a similar shortage of workers than at the times of the first big bubonic plague in Europe. And that brought relatively considerable improvements to the conditions of the serfs living back then, after a certain human toll I would be interested to learn more about. And it was nit a easy fast process but a quite similar one to the contemporary examples.

Honestly I am not the type of radical that burns down houses as I got ethics and a saner relationship with power without the sacrifice of my childhood / mindscape integrity. But as I am definitely here to bring the grander scheme of things on this planet to a new scale better adapted for this century’s context without leaving too many people behind, I definitely am gonna suggest and possibly gently push such a worldview for a fairly saner yet retro-compatible (preservation is important because I love collecting information as a autistic INTJ) solar system that we deserve.

I simply mean such as in building a saner bedrock that whatever the Wilsonist, zealously scientific & radically anti-Darwinian standard alot of politicians and policy makers fall into as far as what we see them often implement wherever they fit in the spectrum we got today. And part of that is my constructed world as a example scenario cases as stated in earlier posts. And I mean such not to bash either left, right or whatever center you are into, but to up the game many seem to uphold along with the means we got as a collective to make such less painful and more enjoyable live into.

So yes, I write politically charge pieces like this because I believe we all deserve better, and the rules of the grand strategy game should reflect such a upgrade of means better. After all, we got many examples if good deeds done incredibly well within the last century alone and it deserves to be better built upon than relying solely on the logic of implicit "common sense" for such to occur as intended here.

Your lovely transfem aspie, farewell.

#maskoch #it is a unix world now #bicycle of the mind #neurodiversity xcom squad #speculative history is a motorcycle driving us forwards by jumps

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