Very hot take, and before I proceed, I want to make it clear that you label yourself and no one does it for you, this is simply food for thought:
If you're merely "okay" with domming/subbing or you "don't mind it", then maybe you're not a switch but a sub/dom exclusively. There is no shame in that. You should enjoy both sides if you're a switch and not just do it because your partner expects it from you or you feel like you need to do both to experience the full spectrum of bliss of BDSM. You shouldn't sigh in disappointment at the thought of having to dom/sub once again, you should genuinely and without a "but" enjoy both sides, even if you have a lean.
That's it. Being an exclusive sub/dom is just as valid as a switch, but the moment doing either subbing or domming feels more like a task than a pleasure, you might want to reevaluate if you truly consider yourself a switch.
A man of learning and distinction, Booker T. Washington (1856 - 1915) was born an enslaved person to an enslaved woman and (thought to be) a white man from a neighboring plantation. His family was freed after the Emancipation Proclamation when he was 9 and they moved from Virginia to West Virginia.
An amazing human being, Booker taught himself to read and educated himself before going on to higher learning. He didn't just reap the rewards of his own education though, he also taught others, founding the Tuskegee Institute in Alabama.
We all learned about Booker Washington when we were in school but his determination and grit, rising from an enslaved person to dining with the President of The United States in the White House, are unparalleled and can't adequately be covered in a mention in school. His beginnings are enshrouded in mystery (his date of birth is from his tombstone) but his life, in words and photos, will always live on and be documented at AncientFaces.
Since it’s so hard for people to wrap their heads around asexuals being anything other than sexless beings with no libidos...
I want you to think of being hungry. I want you to think of your appetite. I want you to think of cravings.
Your libido going off, is like being hungry. Your current mood for sex, is like your current appetite. Your cravings, are people you’re sexually attracted to.
You can be hungry and have no appetite. You can have an appetite, but not be hungry. You can be hungry and have an appetite, but have no cravings. I’m sure most people can relate to experiencing a combination of these factors.
Most of the time, when you’re hungry, that hunger is often paired with appetite and cravings. You’re hungry, you want to eat something, you want to eat something in specific.
Libido, sexual desire, and sexual attraction typically works the same way. You’re horny, you want to have sex, you want to have sex with someone in particular.
When I say “want,” I mean “want.” Not no “I’ll go along with my partner cuz it’ll make them happy” or, “I’m comfortable enough with this person to do it,” or “I’m sensually/romantically/aesthetically attracted to this person and they’re willing so I’ll do it.”
Those reasons would be the equivalent of eating a food a partner made because it’ll make them happy. Simply eating something that’s already in front of you. Eating something you don’t mind eating even though you’re not in the mood for it. That’s not a craving. That’s settling.
When your libido goes off, and you’re in the mood for sex, but there’s no one you’re sexually attracted to? You might settle for sex with whoever is available. That might sound depressing to some allos, but imagine never craving any foods in particular. Are you just going to, sit there and starve because you have no cravings? Are you going to ignore your mood to eat? No. You’re still going to eat something because you want your stomach to stop growling. Or maybe you just want to eat for the sake of eating. So you pick the best option available. And since you’re never craving anything, you’re never “missing out” on anything. It’s not like, wanting pizza but everyone around you wants steak so you have to settle for steak while wishing you were having pizza instead. It’s simply, there’s nothing specific you want but everyone else wants steak so you all go to Outback Steakhouse because, it’ll get the job done, even though you’re not craving it, it’s something to eat and now your hunger has been satisfied.
That right there, is how an asexual can still get horny. How an asexual can want sex. Many asexuals are only missing the sexual attraction component. That’s it that’s all that’s missing.
Graysexuals might get cravings rarely, or have very weak cravings. Demisexuals might start craving donuts if they hang around a donut shop long enough. Fraysexuals might start craving donuts but, after hanging around the donut shop, lose that craving. Aceflux is when your craving levels fluctuate. Quoisexual is when you’re not sure if you even have cravings.
And that’s what it all boils down to. Cravings.
So your parents suck?
Okay, so you’re starting from scratch, you can’t cook, you don’t know what career you’re interested in, you lack skills that your parents should have taught you, and your finances aren’t in order. Worst of all, you don’t know where to begin 👀. Well, I got a list of books for you.
( most of the books listed have visuals)
These are 10 must-have books that’ll help you maneuver through life!
1. “The Self Care prescription” by Robyn L. Gobin, Ph.D ⭐️ MUST HAVE ⭐️ (Amazon)
Self-care is important. If you don’t know where to start this book was made for you. It will clear up any confusion you may have about self-care, and how it looks. It also addresses mental health and teaches you skills on how to deal with real-life issues. The author also has a journal you can purchase alongside this book. (Amazon link)
2. “Infographic guide to Personal Finance” by Elisabeth Lariviere and Michele Cavan, CPA (Amazon)
All the financial advice you need in one book. It has a range of topics from debt to investing, buying property, and budgeting. This book is easy to understand and has lovely graphics.
3. “How to be a person” by Catherine Newman (Amazon)
All the skills you need to be a functioning human being are in this book. I recommend this book for people who didn’t have a lot of guidance growing up. “How to be a person” will fill you in on the basics. It tells you how to tip people, do laundry, send mail, and make your bed. It also has some easy recipes and a lot more. It’s a great starter book for those who genuinely don’t know where to begin!
4. “Atomic Habits” by James Clear (Amazon)
If you are looking to break a habit or start a new one this book is a bestseller and highly recommended. It can also be helpful for those who struggle with motivation, making changes, etc. Before reading this book, I had difficulty getting back on track after a break. Since reading Atomic Habits, I've been able to stay consistent with my goals and overcome moments of doubt. Once you’ve read Atomic Habits I would suggest purchasing @2pretty 12-month dream girl guide. It can help you keep track of the habits you want to master and the steps you plan on taking to accomplish your goal. It’s also a cute journal 🥰.
5. “Budgeting 101” by Michele Cavan, CPA (Amazon)
A very detailed book explaining everything you need to know about budgeting, saving, and investing. It also has a couple of tips.
6. “Home EC for everyone” by Sharon & David Bowers (Amazon)
All the life skills you need are in this book. It covers cooking, laundry, sewing, and other domestic skills. Home EC has recipes, a list of supplies, and how-to’s on cleaning, setting tables &, etc. This book is amazing. It’s been my favorite purchase this year. It starts with the easy stuff like boiling water 😭 and cracking an egg, but it gets into other info like getting gum out of carpet, how to hem a skirt, reading laundry symbols, making beef stew, and brining meat, just to mention a few.
7. “Getting from college to career” by Lindsey Pollak (Amazon)
If you need advice on preparing for interviews, working on your resume, getting real-world experiences, and finding job opportunities. I couldn’t suggest a better book. It has other topics and is great for anyone who needs advice while they're looking for a job, but it is catered to college graduates.
8. “Adulting made easy” by Amanda Morin (Amazon)
Budgeting, insurance, getting a job, KEEPING a job, safe social media usage, living situations, and a few other life skills are all mentioned in “adulting made easy”. I love this book and started including it in my gift package for friends and family members going to college or moving out, it’s such a great resource.
9. “The driving book” by Karen Gravelle (Amazon)
This book is geared towards new drivers, but I believe it has some great information for everyone. It tells you what to keep in your car, how to take care of it, and how to drive in different areas. Such as the freeway, the countryside, etc.
10. “Careers the ultimate guide to planning your future” (Amazon)
This book has a range of careers, some requiring just trade school or associates, others needing a doctorate. With such a range, you’ll be sure to get an idea of what career you might be interested in. It also has a rank on the salary you’ll be making from each opportunity listed.
Now I am all for reading and gathering information but please be sure to put the tips you learn to use.
I’ll try to make a version of this that has online readings or links. I know some people don’t like books or don’t have space for books so if I find any articles I’ll make a post 🤍
♡ xoxo Mrs.Degree ❣️
p.s just cuz you didn’t learn these skills as a kid doesn’t mean your parents suck I just picked that as a header.