finally someone falling out Olivia Rodrigo. There's an interview where she laughs at the idea of her fans doing death threats and says quote "that's none of my concern", everything she does is plagiarized (and her team threaten to sue a kpop artist for copying her, hypocrite), there's a video compilation of her misusing AAVE, and so on... like whatever TS was like at 20 Olivia is definitely worse

thats insane i literally know like the bare minimum about her. yeah i think we should stop. making teenagers THIS famous in this way. in the toxic pop star way, i think its bad for them. i think so many of her issues can be chalked up to not having a proper environment to like. be a teenager in. if youre never operating in a normal environment with normal people who r gonna laugh at u when u do teenage mean girl shit and knock you down a peg how are u ever gonna mature out of that. and now that shes 20 its really becoming a fucking issue.

Honestly if Nightbringer winds up sucking (which imo, it likely will) I really hope it blows up in their faces and they work to improve it AND Obey Me instead of abandoning it abruptly like they're doing with og Obey Me

We got informed in a Q and A as opposed to any official announcement that there will be no further Lessons and original Obey Me will have no further updates aside from events which are fucking pointless since...what is the point of getting new cards if the game isn't continuing lol?

I get they're riding off the success of the original game, but it's annoying there's no way as far as we know to transfer accounts from people who have provided you with the success you're riding and just going "yeah, instead of improving the game we're just abandoning it. Thanks for the VIP subscriptions and AP/Devil Points/Items over the past 3 years lol" after the admittedly low-quality anime we got (which would have been a perfect opportunity to add more lore, if that's really what they wanted to do outside the original game)

Nightbringer is a reboot nobody asked for that could have been worked into the original game without making an entire new one and turning the original that made them money and skyrocketed their success into abandonware. It seems like it's trying to do way too much at once and as a result none of it is likely to work well, esp on launch: an entirely new rhythm game, shitty looking 3D models, rebooting the story instead of just adding more lore in future lessons/putting effort into better writing since last season was...oof, etc.

Also when they talk about the story and content being darker, I'm not holding my breath. I don't even mean yandere level shit since I know that isn't for everyone and they want to cater to different fans outside that demographic, I mean that you'll still have characters make the lightest allusion to something more than kissing and hand-holding just like original Obey Me. I'm just saying, if you want a darker or more mature story and relationships as a selling point for your dating sim, hopefully Nightbringer will add more depth to things than:

"Yeah Belphie did just kill me and had no remorse for it until he realized I'm descended from his baby sister, but we're cool now after not even one conversation about it. He even jokes about it sometimes teehee

Mature doesn't always have to mean "includes content of characters fucking or killing people". It can also mean characters having like. Actual conversations about things that can lead to drastic changes in their relationship. As opposed to how simplistic and childish and flanderized things became in Obey Me after a while.

This is a cast of mostly demons, one of whom is the Avatar of Lust. If you don't want to close off the entire teenage demographic, then just make it an option in settings (add an age verification tool or smth, idk) to add some content that gets spicier than hand holding and the VAs making lip smacking noises during a fade to black.

I know most mobile games, esp gacha games, aren't destined to last long but it's been less than 5 years ffs. Instead of investing so much time and money into building up an unimpressive looking game from scratch and rebooting shit, why not just...improve the game that you already know is a successful one that's been making a decent amount of money and hype amid all the merchandise deals due to its success?

Honest question. Do you not feel a little weird engaging with Emma knowing she’s 18 (legal yes) but still have a year left in HS (assuming from her asks responses) and that you’re 24? I know we all have different perspectives but I’m 20 and I honestly can’t imagine myself talking or nevertheless be in a relationship with someone younger than me, let alone someone that’s still in HS 😬 I hope you’re not taking advantage… I’ve seen and read so many wlw relationships that have experiences like that and it’s heartbreaking… it’s about the maturity level too so idk

i've answered asks like this multiple times and it's been really difficult every time. seeing people explicitly accuse me of taking advantage of someone who i care so deeply about and who i have made sure to always treat fairly and as an equal to me is so disappointing. emma is an adult and capable of making decisions for herself. i can guarantee if she felt as if i were mistreating her or taking advantage of her, she wouldn't still be talking to me. i have never forced her or manipulated her into doing anything, she has made all of her own decisions and judgments about me on her own.

if you had asked me before i met emma if i would prefer/choose to be romantically involved with someone 6 years younger than me, i would have told you no. but i've found lately that i don't feel like age means shit anymore. i have been hurt tremendously by extremely immature adults in my life. i have friends in their late 20's-30's who still act like children and have never dealt with any hardships in their lives whatsoever. i know people my age who i can't even slightly relate with because they don't have any similar experiences and their outlook on life is so different from mine. age has had nothing to do with how much i have connected with people in the past. emma isn't some little kid with no life experience and no thought processes of her own. and i don't see her for her age but for her experiences, personality, heart, wisdom, etc.

it wasn't until a few days ago that i found out that she is still in school, it's something that was kept from me but that we're working through. however, it doesn't change the way i feel about her as a person or her maturity level or anything like that. but i also don't feel it's fair to say i'm weird for "engaging with a high schooler" when i had been under the impression that she was out of school since 16. regardless, it doesn't matter. the fact that she had some setbacks in her childhood that led to her still being in school is not a negative to me. i'm very proud of her for continuing her education despite all she has been through. she is very strong and incredibly smart and determined and i admire her for that. if that makes me a "creep" then okay, but i am not taking advantage of her. i never have and never will.

i guess this is what i get for putting myself and my relationships online for people to judge, but man, the judgement never hurts any less no matter how many times i receive it. people are entitled to their own opinions but you also have to realize you never know the full story and it's hard to have a fully educated opinion when all you see is surface level stuff that we have allowed the internet to be a part of. there is so much more that will only ever stay between emma and i because we are the only two people who genuinely matter in this situation. but i think i'm realizing i can't handle putting myself out there like i initially thought i could. maybe this isn't the place for me to express myself anymore.

Thoughts on the line "I say it" in the s4 Mike and El fight? FW delivers it so strongly, like Mike is actually convinced that he says "I love you" to El... but clearly he doesn't and I don't think his actions speak to undying romantic love either (he's very sweet, caring, and protective toward El, but a lot of that comes from his s1 guilt/trauma and just who he is as a person IMO) so it's a bit confusing to me. Especially since he doesn't really address any other parts of what she says, instead choosing to foist the blame off onto the "mouthbreathers" who are "tearing [them] apart."

Ty for your input!

Oh my gosh... I think about that delivery a lot. And I have so many thoughts.

Oddly, as soon as I saw that scene, I thought, 'He's right'. He does show El that he loves her. As you said, he is a caring and compassionate person to the people he loves. He does things for them. He looks after them. He's an asshole to everyone else, but hey! Can't have everything, right? (/s)

I think the key here is that yes, Mike does love El. Whether that's romantic is, naturally, up for debate. But he fixates on that part of her monologue because that hurts. It's hurtful that she would accuse him of not loving her when he absolutely does, when he tries as best as he is able considering he's a teenage kid with dysfunctional parents who doesn't know how you have a girlfriend, didn't ever think he would have a girlfriend, but here that girlfriend is, and nothing you do is good enough, and shit, maybe he isn't good enough, but shouldn't love make you feel good? And why doesn't this feel good? And is he allowed to be angry at someone he loves? Does it mean that he doesn't love her if he stands up for himself?

A lot of this is about boundaries and figuring out how to negotiate the complicated dynamic that is a romantic relationship. They're allowed to fuck up because they are teenagers - no teenager has it figured out. Having said that, something that always strikes me about Mike and El is that it is always quite laboured. There is nothing easy or natural about it, there always seems to be some degree of artifice or insincerity or self-consciousness, and that stems, probably, from their individual insecurity and uncertainty around how to have a relationship. Mike doesn't have good self-esteem. El's just figured out what self-esteem is. Not a great combination.

That isn't to say they couldn't work this out. But that isn't what the show is portraying. True, this could all be to underscore the struggle of their relationship to give it a greater pay-off when they do finally work it out... But may I present into evidence Exhibit A: Lucas and Max? They're far more mature at the same age and have dealt with a lot - perhaps not comparable - but a lot of shit. Yet, the story has shown them working it out - slowly, yes, but consistently. We're on E07 and I know they are getting back together and have reached a new level of meaning in their relationship. That is incredible writing, and it actually made me cry.

But Mike and El? We're not getting that. We just keep getting that this (vague gestures) is difficult. It is not working. They aren't 'speaking the same language' - as if they're 'from different planets'. They're different species. There is something not clicking where it should, and that is concerning for both of them.

So, in summary, Mike does show El that he loves her. I would say that his force on that line is a combination of things, one of them being that he feels like he isn't good enough. What about when Mike says to Will at the rink, 'Why am I the bad guy?' That line isn't just about Will; it's about El, too.

important stuff for new followers

Idk why but lately I've been having an influx of new followers - a lot of them are likely my degenerate twitter friends (I love you, you know who you are) whose handles I don't immediately recognize cause I have a shit memory. Remember that tumblr added this feature that basically hides mature labelled posts, and also keeps forcing the mature label on me even for random stuff. If you wanna see my posts you have to manually allow mature content to show on your dashboard (it's in your profile settings) or basically you're gonna miss out on the fun lmao.

BUT ALSO!

it's too many new people for me to screen all of them, so for everyone who followed me and doesn't already know me, please keep in mind a few important caveats:

I REBLOG THINGS MOST PEOPLE CONSIDER NASTY (including but not limited to fictional incest, rape, abuse, dark ships, big age gaps, weird kinks, gross stuff in general).

I am queer as fuck, polyamorous, and a bitch who does their own thing & is interacting with fandom stuff cause real life sucks. It is not in my interest to directly engage with fandom discourse because I don't have the energy for it, but my stance is that if you can't make a difference between reality and fiction, and you feel the personal need to attack people who dabble in content that makes you feel uncomfortable, block me ASAP because sure as fuck I'm gonna reblog and post things that make your delicate ass uncomfortable.

I don't bother writing out under every post the classic "I don't condone this in real life!1" because I feel it's unnecessary - I assume that who follows me has enough critical thinking skills to not need a reminder, but in case you do you can have it here: I don't condone any of the fucked up shit I post/reblog in real life, this is fiction, we're just having fun. Again if you don't manage to grasp this then please kindly block me.

Last but not least - this blog really hates capitalism, terfs, swerfs, all flavors of queerphobes, ableists and exclusionists of any kind.

If any of the aforementioned bothers you on any level, do unfollow/block me and let's all keep conducting our peaceful existences away from each other. I don't want to interact with you as much as you don't want to interact with me; I don't want to expose you to stuff which might make you uncomfortable, and I don't want to expose the people I follow and whose stuff I reblog to your eyes.

Everyone else, please stay as frickin handsome as you currently are and enjoy the rest of your weekend ♥

I feel so stupid. And I also feel so young.

I've always been very mature and behaved a lot older than I actually am but these past three weeks have shown me how much of a child I actually am.

I am an adult now. Technically.

But I have never felt this young and stupid.

I have also never felt this unwanted in an environment like I have today.

I feel like a burden. Like a charity case.

I am aware that it's not my fault. I am literally in my fourth week at this job, let alone industry. That's why I am here. To learn. So I shouldn't be made to feel like I do not belong and that I am nothing but a burden.

Someone to babysit.

There is one woman here who is making it especially hard for me. Being very passive aggressive and just straight up mean.

I know that the other departments are way worse and I am aware that others have had it worse but still that doesn't have to invalidate my experience and pain.

I feel like an outcast. It's horrible. Makes me think of school all over again. But in school all of us were on a same level. Same age.

This is a completely different fucking playground.

I haven't felt this lonely in a room full of people since krems. And THAT is saying something.

Maybe I am just too sensitive. And all of this is only half as bad as I am making it out to be. Maybe I'm not cut out for this job. Maybe.

But then again who do these people think they are to make me feel like this? What right do they have to make me feel like an alien when all I want to be is one of them?

This is sounding like school again. I mean that's the only social setting with a lot of people I've ever had in my life so obviously it's going to sound like school.

Well...

The minutes do not go by. The clock is standing still and with every second that passes my throat closes more and my eyes turn more sad.

I probably look like a kicked puppy. which goes to show how much of a wimp I am. Hard to believe that I used to take shit way worse than this like it was nothing. I'd just keep on walking.

How did I do that? How can one person take so much and then nothing?

I've never felt this raw and emotional in my life. I feel like I am naked, all of my emotion painted across my face. All of the little things I'm am worried about written on my forehead for people to laugh and poke fun at.

I feel like I have been striped of my pride.

worst of all.

I did that to myself.

How can a person know everything at 14 and nothing at 18?

What happened? And how do I fix this?

How can I make this feel right again?

Because I cannot stay like this for long. I'll kill myself before the first summer rain comes, I swear it.

I am not sure where to even begin fixing THIS.

What do I even have to fix? What is broken? What needs to be looked at?

I have no idea what is making me feel so childlike. So foolish. So emotional.

Do you think that there is something to fix? Or is this the new normal? Is this who I am now?

A grown ass adult suddenly realising that all they ever did was wait for 18 and never thought passed that stupid date.

Because I did it. I made it. I am an adult. At least by definition.

Nothing has changed. Expect that now if my parents ever decide that I am too much to bare they can just stop taking care of me. Now, I don't think they'd ever do that but I don't want to get anywhere near a point where my mother thinks I'm a burden to the family.

Or even worse- what she did wrong for me to turn out like this.

I know that I am very far away from this happening, that I've only been 18 for 23 days and I know that even if I'm 28 and living with my parents they'd be fine as long as I contributed with the money.

So we're fine on that front.

It's just I cannot shake this feeling of being a burden. A dead weight. A haunted memory you can't get rid of.

I feel like the plague.

Debunking Systemscringe

(I know its gonna be hard, especially with how contradictory they are, but this has to be done, and someone's gotta do it.)

Systemscringe: "You can't have other disorders and have DID/OSDD!"

Actually, you can, and its very common because of DID/OSDD developing from early childhood trauma. Personality disorders are also posttraumatic, and many people with DID have them. The most common co morbid disorder (besides ptsd) with DID/OSDD is borderline personality disorder. This is kind of expected because bpd and DID/OSDD are somewhat similar according to the theory of structural dissociation. People with DID/OSDD also are often born neurodivergent, usually autism and adhd, but because children with intellectual disability get abused (usually sexual abuse) at a high rate yet slip under the cracks in psychology and abuse awareness, theres definitely many people with intellectual disability and DID/OSDD studies havent acknowledged yet. People with DID/OSDD also have physical health issues caused by stress, some have more of these than others. For example, we have a weak immune system and digestive issues caused by stress. If someone says they have DID and then also lists a disorder salad, it might be true.

Systemscringe: "You can't have fictives/be fictive heavy!"

Yes, people with DID have been shown in a few case studies to have fictives. Science actually proves its possible. How DID/OSDD develop is proof enough fictives are possible; DID/OSDD develop from disorganized attachment (usually caused by abuse, always caused by trauma) the child needs comfort figures in times of trauma and stress, so if the child is into any media (especially if the child has autism) then that child will more than likely develop a fictive. Same applies to factives of celebrities and friends or positive family. If the DID/OSDD system is autistic, their chance of being fictive heavy is high because autistic people often engross themselves in fiction and thats where theyll find comfort in, thus developing fictives under stress or trauma.

Systemscringe: "Littles aren't supposed to be treated like children because youre all different parts of one person."

Littles function on the level of a child and often have the internal appearance of a child. They are often trauma holders of what happened to the body around that age, stuck in trauma time parts with that probably explaining their age, and often are just like actual children. They can get triggered by mature topics especially when theyre trauma holders of sexual or severe verbal abuse trauma and have the mental functioning of a child. Treat littles like children not because theyre "innocent little trauma free parts that need to stay clean uwu" but because they probably hold trauma and are on the level of a small child. You wouldn't trigger a singlet child who just got called a slur, its the same thing.

Systemscringe: "You can't have 100+ alters!"

Uhm, we're standing right here? We have 100+ alters. Its not something we enjoy, especially me the host, I am working toward integration of the alters who agreed to it. Us systems with 100+ alters often have more fragments than defined full fledged "personalities" because alters require enough life experience and fronting to develop a full fledged identity. Systems with 100+ alters usually went through trauma that was too severe for them or continuously traumatized even into adulthood. There's documented cases of 100+ alters. RAMCOA survivors with DID tend to have 100+ alters. Which leads me to my next systemscringe myth...

Systemscringe: "RAMCOA isn't real!"

Again, we're standing right here? RAMCOA is real. It's not the satanic panic shit. RAMCOA is a term for ritual/religious abuse, mind control and organized abuse. All three of these have broad meanings, which means RAMCOA is more common than you think and many people have been through RAMCOA that don't consider it such because they only know misinformation and stereotypes about it. Being verbally abused or shamed frequently by the church is religious abuse, being forced to conform to a cult (satanic ritual abuse and sexual abuse by a cult not included) can be ritual abuse and being abused by one or more teachers and principals at an elementary school is organized abuse for example. RAMCOA isn't always the dramatic sacrifices and being sold from stranger to stranger without knowing your own parents. We're survivors of domestic sex trafficking; the body was sexually abused for the sexual abuser's drug money and there was more than one person involved besides the only one who sexually abused and programmed us. The abuser lived with us. A lot of people haven't heard of domestic sex trafficking because society is so focused on the child sex trade and children being kidnapped and sold to sex trafficking rings. Survivors like us fall into the cracks. I could and will write a different post on RAMCOA since we're a survivor of it and have a lot to say about it but I'll keep it at that for now.

Systemscringe: "You can't have dyed hair and listen to alt/emo/indie and dress like an eboy or you're faking!"

How someone dresses doesn't mean they're faking. We wear wigs, fake hair clips, and even use temporary dye on our hair, we listen to almost exclusively classic rock from the 70s and 80s (including the "emo" bands like Depeche Mode and The Cure) and different alters have different styles. We don't exactly fall into the eboy or egirl aesthetic but some of us come close. We're definitely not faking. We have a professional diagnosis that has been validated by every psychologist we've seen since diagnosis, and the differences that show DID are there in our brain scans. We've even had the brain waves associated with dissociation spotted on an EEG before we even knew what DID was or that we have it. Dissociation actually is associated with different brain waves and I can find the study about it.

There's more myths they've made, but I'll leave it at that for now.

Hi, same anon! I meant like the adult actors playing underage characters re: people not writing minors, like all the riverdale actors even circa s1 sjshdhdhdf but by darker themes I meant like Game of Thrones and House of the Dragon and the like. Like notably, I remember someone making a gif pack of Emilia Clarke as Daenerys and their rules say not to use their gifs for taboo topics, but unfortunately due to who she plays, Dany does have a relationship with her nephew, though it’s waaaaay different from House of the Dragon with Daemon and Rhaenyra because they’re of similar age, and they didn’t grow up as family. Not to mention that in universe what’s classed as incest is far different from what we know and understand as incest, at least amongst the nobles, because of course at some point they’re gonna wind up marrying a cousin if they’re all marrying other nobles primarily!!!

But I digress. There’s just too many people on the rpg side who forget that people do write in fandom until they want to go after a fandom group for partaking in the very basics of that world. Now I won’t deny that I’ve seen some in my time following resource makers that are just… weird about writing their underage characters, and they deserved the shit flung at them. But still!! Not everyone thats an adult that writes underage characters are the weirdos who write shit to get their kicks off, and overall the people who go after everyone who does instead of specifically the people who are being awful just don’t seem to care about that,

hi, it's skye. (following this post) okay so for context, my brain is taken up by soooo much asoiaf lore is dumb, so i'm very much understanding where you're getting at now! mind you, my old ass hasn't watched any of the teen dramas since?? shit idk, but maybe pll and og gossip girl, i was here when glee fandom was here last century, but let me go on the darker themes thing before i go on the canon-underage point... i am somehow prehistoric in ya teen-ish drama shows regard.

we're using ASOIAF as a basis for our chat abt dark themes, for yall who don't know it's darker themes in australia are rated as this: "R 18+ — material is restricted to adults as it contains content that is considered high in impact for viewers. this includes content that may be offensive to sections of the adult community."

here's the hook when it comes to this genre and fandom, you cannot truly immerse yourself in this world without opting in for the fact that it is a MATURE 18+ universe. when it comes to content creators though, i have always held the belief (bc i am one of them) that we are allowed to put restrictions on how we want our creations used, regardless of what genre its coming from. it seems completely odd to someone like me, and probably you, to be so against certain topics but to have giffed etc. a show that surrounds that topic... BUT, sometimes we just gif because we adore the actor, because it's our dream fancast for another franchise, because we just 😍 and want to. not everyone is comfortable with the same things i am, and i've grown to understand that.

think of it this way, you want to have emilia as dany as an oc LOTR elven role, and you are not comfortable with the heaviness of ASOIAF's themes and the role of dany, but many medieval or similarly aesthetic-ed universes don't include it to that level. maybe that person is who made a pack, and then decided to bless the public with free resources after/while using them for themselves. tbf maybe that person, like me, has certain spiritual, religious or cultural beliefs that mean they view certain topics as extremely detrimental or offensive to their overall wellbeing and don't want to associate their energy with it. we really can't know for sure, but these are very real possibilities and realities, and while it seems at face value... kinda odd, in that case it's just a personal boundary that we don't have to understand to respect. if you do need clarification from a gif maker who has giffed someone who is in a dark-themed show, i highly encourage approaching them and just having a genuine chat 🙏🏾

i personally would not gif resources for a person in a heavy-themed role and then disallow them to be used for the role that was performed, but i can understand how some people might. i suppose with the popularity of the ASOIAF+ universe it means we are fortunate enough to have multiple packs of the leads, and i know that many do allow them to be used in that universe. i personally also think that "do not use to roleplay taboo content" is a good blanket rule, however it doesn't necessarily account for the mature and dark genre rpgs that people do participate in with full consent. i think that we do need to account for this in literature and in the creative genres, but i also know firsthand that while ASOIAF rpgs have open acknowledgement and ic discussion of all the dark themes within the universe, it does not have to include roleplaying the top tier horrors of the show on the dash. i think my only advice in this regard is to create your own resources, commission them if you cant make your own, approach a content creator and just talk with them and explain; perhaps come to a compromise. bc fr, i have never met a person (again who i claim in the rpc) who has wanted to rp r-pe, inc-st, etc. even in that verse and i have spent YEARS in it.

there may be people like myself who will make gifs and specify that its acceptable to use my resources within the realms of what occurs in that universe/show/etc, so you could consider seeking out those resources. particularly given that the actor has already consented to have their image used in such themes and have worked hard at their craft in these genres. but yeah, for suuure in taboo subjects are def spoken about in worlds like asoiaf - it's one of the more confronting genres and fandoms i think!! - these themes are used as character history, in it's lore and it comes with the world the fandom is in, as with the others that are mature genre. and i personally don't count ic speaking on/about the taboo topics relevant in your fandom rpg world as roleplaying taboo topics... but as i always say i dont speak for anyone else, but i will again encourage conversation to see if the pack creators are open to that, assuming that you don't intend to abuse the creations, but rather honour and acknowledge the appropriate genre and its themes. as rpers, we can't demand someone change their boundaries for their content usage, but i do agree that sometimes the mature genre rpgs (again, those are my favourite 🤌🏾) are, by proxy, often collateral to rpc protecting themselves from the Big Gross.

again i'm here to say to you that there is nothing weird about adults writing the POV of teenagers, especially underage people in the worlds we've spoken about we're it's kinda... obvious that they are and should be there. i have always been of that mindset. there is also nothing weird about favouring genres like this, i feel like crossing over into using underage fcs and underage actors to roleplay the actual themes of the show in a public forum, however, is not exactly appropriate. we can explore those mature dynamics and chemistry with more age appropriate characters. i absolutely understand the frustration and that the feeling of being put into a box with some of the worst connotations is awful. but you need to remember that, as long as you are doing the right thing, you don't need to shoulder that burden. when you go ahead and roleplay (whatever forum, whatever indie or group or 1x1 or whatever it is) set up clear rules, set up a disclaimer, i have set up clauses for my roleplays for people to fully opt in to certain themes or choose not to; there ARE ways to work around the hurdles... and those hurdles will likely always be there. & it's not because of you or me, or anyone i call friend on here, it's because of those minute fraction that have soured us and made us vigilant and doubful.

i ALSO MUST NOTE, that writing and portraying underage taboo themes, or writing these things with an underage partner, can and is illegal in some places of the world, so that is a huuuuuge!!! part of the rules and regulations rpers conduct themselves by.

— — — "I meant like the adult actors playing underage characters re: people not writing minors, like all the riverdale actors even circa s1"

okay on to this point ^^ i'm again VEEEERY far removed from the teen drama world and ive not even seen riverdale (read: am dinosaur), but i feel like this can get a little tricky too. i would think that the riverdale universe seems to be focussed on the late teens (played by adults), so i would think that the obstacle would probably boil down to what each person is comfortable with or what they believe a teen should be up to, and what they are comfortable portraying through the pov of a teenager, even a supernatural world one. it is realistic to the world that some teens smoke, drink, do drugs, have sex or sexual interactions, and some don't live the IRL Skins life. note: for me personally the age of consent is sixteen mind you so that's where my point of view and personal stance is anchored. however, if you are portraying a 17yo who is not dabbling in mature themes or age-inappropriate activities or trying to ship mature themes, etc. etc. — then i have no problem with it? i don't think you need to create and oc unless its within a canon world, like... the harry potter universe is bound in teen land, the hunger games is also. as previously discussed, mayb with you? or perhaps another anon, i think there is more wiggle room for portraying someone as an intentional teen/late teen/just underage. i would also say that playing someone under 17 feels weird, but again, i'm nearly 28 so that might be my own age gap bias??? if you are 20 years old, then i'm sure a 17 year old character is probably more accessible?? idk man 💁🏽‍♀️💁🏽‍♀��� i find it really hard to speak about fandom rpc because i wholeheartedly don't know what goes on at all.

there's far too much nuance to this, like there is so much that i cant cover with general statements overall. i super appreciate you wanting to know my thoughts and coming to me to rant, i've DEF been there. as someone who is very deeply connected to tolkien, asoiaf and also twd (all mature & 18+ themed universes), i would say that the thing that helped me most was crafting an rpg where it was a safe space for likeminded people to write and create within that world, a lot of work is needed to ensure no one tries to weasel in with bad intentions, but it was hugely beneficial to me and my muse. otherwise, from my memory, the tumblr indie community is filled with fandom characters and maybe that might be a home for you? i'm also very sorry that you feel like you're or you have been caught in that catchment of being perceived as "gross" or targeted by someone, i promise you that it's not you but rather a blind reaction from someone or some people who have assumed without approaching to have conversation and discuss; and fr?? those people, they're not gonna be your people on here 🫶🏾🙏🏾 you are within your rights to be upset and angry, so if you wanna rant or chat i'm happy to be here!! if you need any advice on tumblr-asoiaf creation things, i'm also very happy to give you some advice??

stay blessed and keep creating ✌🏽

Rockin' the Suburbs: Chapter 4

chp1 chp2 chp3 or read on ao3

After an afternoon of failed research attempts, Dean found himself carrying an excited Jack in his arms, walking up the sidewalk, hand in hand with Cas. Which didn't immediately send Dean's mind running wild because it honestly was starting to feel natural. Which of course is what sent Dean's mind running, but at least the act of Cas grabbing his hand wasn't the real source of the freak out anymore.

Dean's fine by the way. Totally cool and normal and under control.

"You ready?" Dean asks as they come to a stop at the back gate.

"As I'll ever be" Cas quips, giving Dean's hand a squeeze, which he gratefully returns.

"Holy shit" Dean gasps, jaw-dropping, head quickly snapping towards Cas.

"I agree completely...." Cas trails off, as he drags Dean further into the backyard.

There were people, food, drinks, tents, music blasting, and lights strung up everywhere. And a giant fire pit in the center, with crowds of people hovering around it, roasting marshmallows and hotdogs.

How many people lived in this damn neighborhood?

"So see any fugly faces?"

"If you're talking about demons, then no-"

"Well, what about that lad-"

"No she's no-"

"What about that group, those guys seem kinda-"

"No Dea-"

"Okay well, what about th-"

"Dean if I see a demon I'll be sure to let you know, promptly" Cas sighs, clearly exasperated, which only causes Dean to smile wider.

(read the rest under the cut)

"Okay.....but what abo-"

"Hi guys! Oh my god, we're so glad you decided to come!"

Their heads snap over to see Molly and Jason making their way towards them.

"Time to schmooze with the capitalists" Dean whispers to Cas, earning an elbow jack to the rib, but when he looks over, he sees amusement in Cas' eyes.

"Your home is lovely" Cas gushes when they're within earshot.

"Yeah, this is quite the rager you've got going on back here" Dean muses, earning bright smiles from the pair.

"Thank you! But Amanda's already managed to find at least ten things wrong with the decor, or the lights, or the food" Molly grumbles, as Jason gently rests his arm around her waist.

"Seriously, and Bill picked up every bottle of wine and inspected the year. As if these people aren't drunk enough to even care about the aged taste" Jason continues with an eye roll.

"Oh! Speaking of drinks what can we get you? We've got beer, wine from the wrong years, whiskey, scotch? You name it we've got it"

Shit. Dean hasn't had to talk about this with anyone outside of his family, but his dumbass should have thought about it. He is a party after all.

"Oh um..." Dean starts, but trails off realizing he didn't actually think through what he was going to say. His mouth has been doing that a lot lately.

"Oh we actually don-"Cas rushes in, giving Dean's hand a squeeze, which makes Dean's breath hitch.

Dean was floundering like an idiot and Cas cut in to help. That stupid, undiscussed swirling feeling dancing in his stomach, and he also can't help the dopey grin that spreads across his lips.

"I actually don't drink anymore, not since this little bug came around. But Cas here will definitely take a beer" Dean smiles, giving Jack a little bounce in his arms.

"Dean are you sur-"

"Yeah babe, it's good. I promise. Have a beer, you dork" Dean says turning to fully look at Cas so he gets that he means it. And he must because Cas gives a small smile back, which definitely doesn't make his stomach flip.

They turn back to the pair, praying they get the memo so Dean doesn't have to explain any further.

"Oh! So we have water, seltzer soda. We've got sprite, rootbeer-" Molly quickly moves to offer.

"A coke is good if you have it" Dean interrupts before Molly lists every single brand of soda they've got. And with a nod, Jason jogs off to get their drinks.

"Oh! Jack's probably itching to play with the rest of the kids. There's a whole section set up on the far side of a yard, keeping them far away from that fire pit! But don't worry, a handful of the parents are taking shifts" Molly rushes to add, as she points them in the right direction.

The two turn to follow her finger, Dean's eyes blowing wide at the sight. Four different size bounce houses, two jungle gyms, a huge sandbox, and pretty much every toy you can imagine. And yeah there's things definitely for toddlers, but Dean can only focus on the height of the slides and the amount of kids jumping inside that inflatable nightmare.

His hold only tightens around Jack, as he glances down hurriedly at Cas. But to his surprise Cas isn't gazing horrified at kid-sized deathtraps, he's smiling brightly, eyes shining.

Dean's gotta put his foot down. There's no way, it's too dangerous

"I don't know Jack's neve-"

"Exactly, why he should. There is more than enough equipment his size, and looks like there's plenty of kids around his age. And we both agreed it would be good for him to play with more children his own age, remember?" Cas supplies calmly, resting a hand over his shoulder. The heat radiating through Dean's jacket is doing nothing to put him at ease.

"Yeah but that fire-"

"Is perfectly safe. See, there's at least six parents over there right now. We can even take a shift watching the kids soon if you'd like?" Cas offers in the same tone, eyes shining with sincerity. And Dean manages to pull his gaze away long enough to glance over at the kids' party zone again.

There's a sort of gate squared off in the corner of the yard, with a large and small bouncy house, and what looks like a group of parents watching every move intently.

Cas is right. Jack will be fine. Of course, he will be. And if he's not, they'll just kill whoever's responsible. Stupid angels and their stupid sound logic.

"Alright, you're right" Dean sighs in defeat, as he gears up to walk across the yard. Besides Dean can probably use this as a chance to talk to some of the other paren-

And it happens so fast Dean almost misses it.

But he sure as hell feels it.

There's a heat on his cheek that quickly comes and goes, but there's a lingering warmth that blossoms in its place, spreading across his entire face and down his neck. Lighting shooting through his veins with a jolt, and of course that swirling feeling is back.

What the hell?

Dean's slowly turns towards the source and sees Cas smiling up at him. There's a nervousness dancing behind his features, the kind that's only visible to the trained eye. His hand his still on his shoulder, but he's closer now-wait.

Dean's entire brain short circuits as it works to catch up with the rest of his body, most importantly with his face and that whole lightning thing going on.

Then his brain finally snaps back into action, sending his stomach flipping, that swirling thing looping right along with it.

Because Cas kissed him.

Cas kissed him. On the cheek. Like it was nothing.

And the culprit refocuses in his vision, still smiling up at him anxiously, blue eyes searching his features. And Dean without even thinking, smiles back, which seems to settle Cas.

"I'm very proud of you for making the mature fatherly decision, now go! I'm sure Jack's dying for a turn on that bouncy thing" Cas teases, shoving Dean away, and he vaguely hears Molly giggling behind him. Dean doesn't even have time to process what he said before he's walking across the grass.

Actually, Dean isn't processing anything at the moment.

Because Cas just kissed him on the cheek like it was nothing, and Dean's face is on fire while his heart does its damnedest to pound its way out of his chest. Because now Dean Winchester is having a flustered meltdown over a friggin kiss on the cheek like he's thirteen again?

But it was more than that. Because he sure as hell didn't think Cas would go for it first so what i-

Dean almost stalls, but quickly forces his feet to keep moving as his stomach twists.

Because that feeling, the feeling Dean doesn't talk about is swirling in his stomach, bubbling upwards, trying t-nope.

Dean clenches the hand, that isn't currently supporting Jack, into a fist, nails digging into his palm. It was just a peck on the cheek it didn't mean shit. They had talked all about PDA, and both agreed to it, so that's all it was. It was a kiss for the sake of the case, all for the act.

So Dean tries to shove it from his mind, but failing to get rid of the warmth still radiating through his body and the tingling on his cheek. But hey, he isn't perfect.

He thankfully makes it over to the kid's section in one piece, but unfortunately, an over-excited mom immediately spots him.

"Hi I'm Maria, I don't recognize you, so must be one of our new neighbors!" Maria practically cheers, and Dean doesn't buy her false enthusiasm for a second, but he plasters a smile on his face ready to play the part.

"Yeah I'm-"

"I spotted you and your husband carrying boxes in yesterday! Didn't look like you had very much hmm?" Maria continues as if she hadn't heard him. And Dean didn't miss that little dig and he definitely didn't miss the way she emphasized husband.

"Yup that's me, Dean Richardson, and this is my son Jack" Dean says before she has a chance to cut him off again.

"Pleasure to meet you two! Now I assure you Jack is in good hands, you've got some of the best parents on duty right now!" Maria jokes and Dean has a feeling she's a little tipsy, which only increases his nerves. At least there's some other capable-looking parents standing around.

Maria continues to chatter loudly about god knows what, so he ignores her opting to carefully stand Jack on the ground, crouching to his level.

"Alright Squish, you're gonna hang out over here and have some fun with the rest of the kids! Me and your Dad are going to be right over there" Dean says excitedly, which only makes Jack even more excited.

"So if you need us, you tell one of the other grown-ups, and we'll come right over. And remember the rules kiddo? No mojo, capiche?" Dean reminds, whispering the last part.

"Capeesh!" Jack promises and Dean can't help but smile. So reluctantly, he presses a kiss to Jack's hair, and gently nudges him towards the other kids, watching as he runs away laughing.

"He's such a little cutie! Oh look he's playing with my Ella" Maria gushes while Dean silently prays Jack will drop that kid so he doesn't have to Maria and her false sweetness, ever again.

"Yeah, adorable. Anyway, my husband and I will gladly take a shift watching the little rugrats a-"Dean starts trying his best to sound like he doesn't want to strangle her.

"Oh no I wouldn't dream of it! It's your first party in the neighborhood, we have more than enough capable parents on duty tonight! Get back to your husband, drink, mingle!" Maria interrupts shoving him away, and Dean has no choice but to obey, unless he wanted to cause a scene. Which he did want to, because he was practically fuming from that subtle dig at capabilities at a parent, but he couldn't he had the damn case to think about.

And with a final glance to assure Jack was okay, Dean quickly surveys the crowd, easily spotting Cas' leather. He begins to make his way over, but suddenly the memories from five minutes ago come rushing back leaving him frozen.

Cas had kissed him-yeah it was on the cheek, but it was a kiss nonetheless. And that stupid swirling feeling began to bubble up in his stomach, unable to move as the-

"Dean, over here man!" Jason calls from across the yard, effectively kicking Dean's back into gear, as he made his way over to them.

Stuff it Winchester, focus on the case. It's all for the case.

So Dean jogs, over stopping next to Cas, who was lightly laughing along with Jason and Molly. Jason hands him a bottle, an honest-to-god glass bottle of Coke. They probably had to buy hundreds of these, must have cost a fortune.

"Is Jack all settled?" Cas asks, the slight worry on his face. And so without thinking, Dean takes his hand giving it a gentle squeeze.

"Yeah babe, kiddo is having the time of his life over there," Dean says with a sweet smile, pet name rolling off his tongue like nothing as he meets his eyes. Cas only responds with a smug smirk that says "I told you so", which definitely didn't make Dean's stomach flip.

"So, new neighbors let's get the good gossip out of the way before the bitch squad corners us. Tell us about yourselves! What do you guys do for a living?" Molly teases, effectively snapping them out of their staring contest.

Showtime

"Well I'm a mechanic, still looking for a good space in the area to set up shop, but Cas here is all set with a position at Amherst College in the sprin-" Dean begins, gushing about Cas like a proud husband.

"Dean, of course, is wildly underselling himself. He specializes in classic car restoration" Cas cuts in also like a proud husband, but there's a hint of sincerity in his voice that twists Dean's heart.

"Wow! So that gorgeous Impala really is your's after all?" Molly asks in awe.

"Yeah that's my Baby, rebuilt her after a crash a while back, she's been in the family for years" Dean shrugs, hand instinctively reaching for the back of his neck, but he can't help the little sense of pride that swells in his chest. He feels Cas squeeze his hand, but before he can glance over Jason starts talking.

"And Cas, Amherst that's impressive! What course do you teach?"

"English literature, and global history" Cas answers. They decided to tack on the history on account of Cas knowing pretty much all of history, and that it might be an in seeing as weirdo rich people are often weirdo history buffs.

"Oh I actually teach history over at the high school" Jason reveals, and Dean has to hold back a laugh.

Weirdo rich people, weirdo history buffs. Score.

"Well looks like we're surrounded by academics! Amherst, an incredible school, but that's a bit of a commute from here, isn't it?

"Oh it's not too bad, and the drive is all worth it if we get to live in this beautiful neighborhood. But what about you, Molly?" Cas deflects smoothly shooting them a charming smile-that Dean definitely didn't find charming.

"Oh, I'm a real estate lawyer. That's how we're in this gorgeous neighborhood" Molly jokes, Jason laughing along.

Real estate law, Dean tucks away that info for later because maybe that's how they got their house on the market and sold so quickly.

"Hey everyone, sorry to interrupt but we just wanted to introduce ourselves to the new neighbors," A shorter man says as he appears on the other side of Cas, with another man in tow.

"Oh come join the real party, anything to stay away from those vultures" Molly snorts with an eye roll, earning a laugh from everyone.

"I'm Tom, and this is my husband Stephen" The man, Tom, supplies as they each stretch out a hand. Dean reluctantly lets go of Cas' hand, and as they each shake their's, exchanging greetings.

Turns out Tom and Stephen live right across the street from them. Great, they're gonna have to get in extra good with them, because they might have seen something the night of the murders.

"So, we were giving these two the rundown on our lives, before Amanda and Bill start circling" Molly groans, and Tom and Stephen launch into discussing what they do for a living. Dean, of course, listens very intently, as he tries not to think about the sudden loss of warmth in his hand.

But he really doesn't have to think too long because he finds Cas' arm is curling around friggin waist.

Dean's eyes instantly snap up, as he tries to keep his expressions in check, but he can feel the heat creeping over his cheeks. Cas only gives him a nervous look, which makes Dean's chest tighten at the sight. Damnit.

Because yeah Cas keeps taking the lead, but he's never actually done this before, he's just doing what he thinks he should do. Cas must be anxious as fuck. And Dean's general "lets never talk about emotion or affection" attitude, probably isn't helping. He's the one who knows what to do, he should be helping ease Cas into this more, not having breakdowns every time they make eye contact.

So without really thinking, Dean slightly leans into Cas, causing him to wrap his arm around him tighter. It clearly settles Cas' nerves, because that worried look is gone, replaced with a smile, before he turns his head back to the conversation.

And Dean figures since Cas is listening, it's okay to tap out for a moment. Because excuse him, but Cas' arm is around his fucking waist, not even 20 minutes after he kissed him. Dean's just surprised he isn't passed out on the ground yet.

And that feeling-the feeling Dean of course doesn't talk-about is back and swirling around his stomach, threatening to bubble up his throat. It's making him feel nauseous, as his heart thumps against his chest.

But he can't exactly bring himself to care because there's a warmth washing over his body in waves. The heat of Cas' arm around his waist and shoulder resting against his own, radiates through his jacket. Dean can smell the worn leather mixing with Cas' cologne as he tries to focus back in on the conversation-what is he doing.

He's supposed to be getting info about the neighbors, and all he can think about is Cas' arm around his waist. Which is only there to keep up the act, and it doesn't matter that it fee-nope not even gonna go there.

Focus Winchester.

"-but enough about work, how did you two meet?" Dean catches Molly asking, and thank god he chose that moment to pull it together.

So Dean quickly meets Cas' eye. Both knowing they have to nail this part if they plan to gain anyone's trust. They hadn't exactly rehearsed it, but they are best friends who've spent over a decade lying for a living. They've got this.

Dean takes a steadying breath, ignoring the swirling and the warmth and the heart rate.

"Well, it was back in 2008. I was sort of going through a bit of a rough patch at work and was frequenting the local bar a bit too much. But maybe the hangovers were worth it, because one night this guy with wild hair and baby blues strolled in and happened to sit at the other end of the bar. And just my luck he looked about just as much of a mess as I did-no offense babe" Dean began putting on a show, and Cas rolled his eyes.

"Oh please, you didn't look half the mess that I did" Cas teases dramatically. Cas then gave him a look, leveling Dean with an arched eyebrow, causing laughter to bubble around them.

"Yeah yeah Casanova, we both looked a wreck okay? So much of a wreck that we apparently felt so sorry for each other, that we unknowingly bought one another a drink"

"After the bartender pointed out who bought me the beer, I looked up to see it was the person I had just bought a drink. So I figured he was worth a little conversation, and I moved to sit on the stool next to him" Cas continues, throwing a wink at Dean.

Damn they were good at this.

"And it turned out we were both walking disasters. I was out of a job, and Cas here had just gone through the world's worst breakup-"

"We had been together for years, and I had decided I'd had it. It was a mess, his whole family got involved. But I guess it was a good thing it was such a disaster, or I never would have gotten a drink from the gorgeous man at the end of the bar" Cas cuts back in, which definitely didn't make Dean's cheeks flare.

"Anyway, we got to talking, probably overshared way too much with a complete stranger, and called it a night. But I thought I'd be crazy to let him get away, so I practically chased him down on the street to get his number. And god was I lucky he didn't think I was a creep-"

"Actually I thought it was very romantic. Like a movie, too bad it wasn't raining. But honestly, I was just lucky he didn't think I was a creep when I called to ask him on a date the next morning" Cas jokes, earning another laugh from the group. Dean quickly surveys their faces to see that they're hooked. Time for the grande finale.

"And really the rest is history, we just sorta clicked. It sounds like bullshit, but it was like we were made for each other ya know? Cas just always knew what to say, always knew what to do to, understands me better than anyone else, helps me through every obstacle. I guess you could say he basically pulled me out of hell. And he still does, every day. There's no one else in the world I'd rather have by my side" Dean gushes, tacking on the hell line as a joke, but it didn't exactly sound like one. No, it sounded like the most sincere thing Dean's ever said, and he quickly realizes that it's not part of the act. He really means it.

He glances back over at Cas to see him slightly slack-jawed, gazing at him in soft wonder. Dean's heart picks up again, stomach swirling as he makes a little fist to ground himself.

Because of course, he means it Cas is his best friend, he's family that's nothing new. But it's more than that and yo-nope. Focus. Cas is only looking at him like that as part of the act, he's playing up.

Dean quickly tries to wrack his brain for something to say, but thankfully Molly cuts in.

"God aren't you two just the cutest, sappiest couple in the entire world! Oh my god, you're like a romcom. The perfect couple" Molly practically shouts earning a laugh from everyone and nods of agreement.

"Trust me, it wasn't as simple as a romcom. We fight, and we scream, but we always come back to each other" Cas says earnestly, looking right into Dean's eyes.

And Dean's pretty sure his heart is gonna burst through his chest because Cas' heart eyes look pretty damn convincing and it's sending his thoughts running. But thankfully, Tom and Stephen start telling the story of how they met, so Dean can thankfully push those thoughts aside. For now.

And after an hour of small talk, Dean and Cas have got a pretty good grasp on the people they're dealing with.

They learn that Stephen and Tom are both doctors at the same hospital, they have three-year-old daughter named Elizabeth. And with a glance over at the kids' section, they see that she and Jack are playing together. Another couple, Emma and Rachel come and join them all about halfway through. Emma is a cardiologist, and Rachel is a biomedical engineer, and they're in the process of adopting. They also learn that this entire week is the "Annual Autumn Festival", and there's a different event hosted by a different family each night, ending with a huge block party on Saturday night. Apparently, the school in town gives the kids a whole week off for some "district convention" with the higher ups, so they've been doing this for years.

And honestly, despite everything, Dean's actually having a good time. Yeah, these people's careers are insane, but Dean thinks they're pretty normal, and he's genuinely enjoying talking to them. And they seem to have warmed up to them, so with a slight nod from Cas, Dean goes in for the kill.

"So, we have to ask. We saw some crazy stuff in the news about this neighborhood, of course, it was after we bought the place. But we couldn't find much info about it" Dean begins gently to ease them into the conversation.

"Oh you must be talking about Carol and Mike" Rachel supplies with a frown, and a silence settles over the group.

"We're sorry, we didn't mean to pry. We were just curious sin-"Cas begins to apologize

"No, it's okay. You've got a right to know since it is about your house and all. Not your fault someone paid to keep it out of the news" Ton sighs heavily, and Stephen comfortingly presses his kiss to his temple.

"Carol and Mike were our best friends before they we-before everything" Stephen chokes out.

"We're so sorry for your loss" Dean offers, Cas nodding along.

"The night it happened, we were actually all supposed to go out to dinner. The four of us and the kids, it's a monthy tradition. But when we walked across the street to meet them, Carol answered. We should have known something was off bu-"

"Hello! I'm seeing frowns which is never a sign of a good party!" A shrill voice calls, which earns a groan from the group.

Damnit. They were so close.

Suddenly there's a shorter woman with platinum blonde hair, and a man with enough goop in his hair to grease a pan, who've both clearly had some work done.

"Hi I'm Amanda, and this is my husband Bill. You two must be our new neighbors" Amanda smiles with her too-white teeth, extending a hand with perfectly manicured nails. Of course, they are.

Dean resists the urge to roll his eyes, but with a squeeze on his side from Cas, he's reaching out his hand to shake theirs'.

"Bill, a pleasure to meet you! Nice to see you've already found your people. I know how you guys like to group up" Bill laughs with an equally blinding, white smile.

A pit drops in Dean's stomach. "Your people", who does this guy think he is? And these aren't Dean's people he's stra-

Give it a rest Winchester, you can only lie to yourself about so many things at once.

Fine so maybe they are "Dean's people", but this homophobic assclown has no right to say it, especially not like that.

"Well, not as much as your people lik-"Dean starts, only to be cut off by a pinch to his side and he whips his head towards Cas.

"Just let it go, he isn't worth it" Cas softly whispers in his ear, while he gently pulls him closer. With a huff, Dean begrudgingly lets it go.

He turns back to the conversation to see Bill and Amanda completely ignoring them, as they ramble on about nonsense. Dean quickly locks eyes with each couple, they throw him an eye roll, or a face when Amanda and Bill aren't looking.

"Oh Amanda and Bill, looks like you found the new neighbors" Molly calls slightly strained as she and Jason practically run back over.

"Yes, but sadly we don't have much time to chat with them tonight. There are still some people we must say hello to" Amanda informs, and honestly, Dean could cheer from relief.

"But you two must stop by sometime this week so we can get you properly acquainted with the neighborhood. Maybe widen the variety of your social groups" Bill snarks and Dean opens his mouth to retort but is silenced by a sharp tug from Cas.

"Thank you for the offer, bu-" Cas answers cooly before Dean even thinks about reopening his mouth.

"Perfect! Stop by Tuesday around two, we'll have lunch! But like I said we must be going, try to have a pleasant evening. Oh and Molly, that chicken looked a bit dry, might want to check on that" Amanda proclaims, and then she and Bill are disappearing into the crowd.

Dean turns to glare at Cas, who only gives him a look that reads "we'll talk about it later".

"I'm so sorry you got trapped by them. God, they're the fucking worst" Molly groans in apology

"Yeah can't argue with that" Dean grits out, still fuming from Bill's words and Amanda's stupid smirk.

"And Bill's such a homophobic bastard, thinks he's so subtle. God, what I'd give to shove a-" Emma rants, only to be cut off by a gentle shove from her wife.

"We can try to get you out of the lunch with them, we can sa-"Jason offers, but Cas of all people shuts him down.

"It's okay, if we go once and make them hate us, maybe they'll never bother us again. Oh and I'm sorry, but we really better get going. It's almost Jack's bedtime. Thank you for everything" Cas explains with a smile, shooting a look at Dean.

"Yeah, this was a killer party. So great to meet you guys, hope we see you all soon!" Dean says plastering on a smile despite his bubbling anger.

And with quick goodbyes, Cas' arm unsnakes itself from around Dean's waist. But before he can mourn the loss, he feels his hand in his dragging him silently towards the kids' section. They scoop up an exhausted, but ecstatic Jack, and carefully avoid running into Maria, as they make their way through the gate.

Now that they're alone, walking down the cold, dark sidewalk, Dean can hold it in anymore.

"God we were so damn close then, Barbie and Ken had to show up and shut the whole thing down! And now you want us to have lunch with them?" Dean rages, pointedly ignoring the way Cas' hand that isn't holding a sleeping Jack, squeezes his own. And of course, the fact that they're still holding hands.

"I know they were dicks, but I noticed them circling us for at least ten minutes, and they only rushed over as soon as we started asking about the murders. Isn't that suspicious?" Cas questions.

"Yeah I guess, but wh-"

"So I think they might be the thing we're hunting. I only agreed to lunch so we could check them out, and scope out their house" Cas continues, amusement dancing in his voice

Of course. God, it's so obvious how could Dean miss it? This whole thing is really fucking with his head.

"Alright, no need to be smug about it. But I still don't understand why you wouldn't let me tear that assclown a new one" Dean grumbles, anger quickly returning as they climb their porch steps.

Cas sighs dropping his hand, turning to look at Dean fully. Dean's heart starts up, as Cas levels him with an intense, unreadable stare.

"Because he's just some rich, homophobic asshole, who believes he's better than everyone. But he's not, because he isn't even worth your energy or thought. He doesn't know anything about us" Cas speaks, softly, as he rests a hand on Dean's shoulder. Dean suddenly realizes they're standing almost nose to nose.

"And I certainly don't care what he thinks of me or you, and I certainly don't care what he thinks of us. Because all that matters is how we think about ourselves." Cas continues purposefully, and Dean's throat constricts at the words. Dean of course knows Cas is "indifferent to sexual orientation", but he doesn't know that he-wait is Cas-

"And besides, if he's the monster. We'll get to kill him, slowly" Cas says in a mock-serious tone, which startles a laugh from Dean's throat. He's so close he can feel Cas's breath on his face, and Cas can probably hear Dean's heart racing.

But thankfully the logical part of Dean's brain is still somewhat running because it reminds him that it's all for the act. "He doesn't know anything about us", Cas was talking about the act. These people don't know they're pretending.

Because none of this is rea-

And it happens so fast that Dean almost misses it, again. But now he's watching Cas' retreating form walk through the doorway, and up the stairs. Leaving Dean, standing alone in the cold night air, his hand moving to his cheek without consent.

Cas kissed him on the cheek, again.

But this time. Nobody was around. They were completely alone, nobody to put on an act for.

That swirling feeling his back and wreaking havoc on his stomach again, while that lightning thing courses through his veins, and his mind races a mile a minute.

Dean lets out a breath, aggressively running his hands through his hair, as he stares out onto the empty street.

Because what the fuck is happening.

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This feels like such a genuinely disgusting thing to say but I can't stop thinking about it...

I've started noticing icks with my partner. This isn't related to the size difference thing because, at the end of the day, I don't really care about physicals appearance. I mean behavioral things. It's so weird to me because it's always some dumb shit that would usually be overlooked by me, but It's like it's happening more often and getting more and more on my nerves. It's never anything actually bad, just annoying or embarrassing, so I don't understand why it bothers me so much.

It doesn't help that I feel like we've become more distant. I don't like making plans to go on dates or hang out because I'm always so tired. They understand that, but I think it's become a problem. We used to talk in class at school every single day, but we didn't have any classes together this year. I barely talk to the in person now. Texting is nice and all, but I thing it's created disconnect. It's like there's a big glass wall between us emotionally and I don't know how to deal with that. I could bring it up to them, but they haven't shown any signs of displeasure. I don't want to come off as too clingy, obsessive, or anything else, so I've been suppressing it all. It sucks though because I think it's made my annoyance and uneasiness about some of their habits worse.

Calling anything about them annoying or embarrassing feel so awful, but it's like I just keep fixating on the tiny negative things. I really don't get it because I care for them so much. We've known each other for over 5 years and have been dating for about 3 of them. Saying you're in love with someone (especially as my age) is usually seen as being overdramatic, but It doesn't feel that way for us. We've always talked about how the other makes the passage of time and aging less scary. We've discussed half jokingly about how we want to grow old together and have our bodies disposed of in a similar fashion, then spend eternity side by side as ghosts.

I've been sure this is the person I want to marry, if we do go for that, for a very long time. The thing is, I'm terrified I'm starting to loose feelings. I know that, at some point, all relationships get tested. We're about at that point in time where the honeymoon phase has supposedly worn off, but it never felt like that. I don't thing we even had a honeymoon phase, just skipped straight into a calm, comfortable, domestic dynamic. I just don't understand. I always knew I would loose that initial excitement that came with crushing on then getting with someone, but I never expected resentment to takes its place.

Another issue that's becoming stranger to me is the age difference between us. We've always been in the same grade in school so I never used to put much thought into it, but it's like I don't really see them as an equal anymore. I know that a 1 1/2 year difference isn't much, but the idea of turning 18 and being in a relationship with a 16 year old kinda freaks me out. Our relationship is entirely non-sexual anyway since they're ace, but the problem is more than that kind of thing. It's developing into a mental/emotional maturity problem. Things like them being too scared to even really try driving despite being old enough to have a license, avoiding making decisions for plans to the point where I feel like I or someone else have to become a control freak just to have something they suggested/wanted to do planned, and their tendency to avoid the bulk of people at social events make if so clear we just aren't on the same level anymore. I used to be like that, so I can understand where a lot of those problems are coming from (mainly anxiety), but the key word there is USED to. I don't want to be harsh on them since people develop at different paces and their anxiety is worse than mine, but sometimes it just feels like I'm dating a younger version of myself... which is really weird and uncomfortable

I still love my partner. I love them deeper than I think I myself can even begin to comprehend, but I'm sacred. I'm doubting myself and our relationship. I've gone from a lower level of infatuation to growing discomfort. I still love them so much as a human being, but I don't know how much longer I can as a romantic partner. They will likely never know about this because I care about them more than I do myself. If this relationship is still something good and important to them, then it will continue to exist. They're a big part of why I'm still here alive, so I want to dedicate my life to them if that is what they wish. I just hope this weird phase passes so I can go back to that lovesickness that made me feel like I could bring stars into existence just to make them smile.

ooh! I have thoughts on Eridan!

okay so, to me, Eridan ties into this thing that homestuck has going on with a lot of its more morally grey characters... the question of how responsible young people are for their negative qualities and actions, and where the age threshold for personal responsibility is.

the characters in homestuck all straddle this line between being young enough to consider them victims of the forces that influence them, while also old enough to understand what they're doing and how it affects others... especially because a lot of these kids come off as really smart for their age, and very precocious. we've all been through phases in our lives that make us cringe, not because we're ashamed of something harmless, but because we recognize that we had absorbed something harmful, and took longer than we wish we had to unlearn it. it could be as simple as being kind of a jerk in a misguided attempt to seem cool, or as dramatic as actually hurting someone in an attempt to remedy one's own insecurities by putting down others to seem better by comparison... but how far can you push that before people aren't willing to forgive? before people abandon the notion that better guidance and more appropriate role models could reform someone? and it's especially interesting when you consider how old homestuck's core audience might've been when they first encountered this story, and how it affected their perception of the characters if they saw them as peers, rather than as children from an adult's perspective.

so to talk about Eridan, I wanna frame this in terms of his classpect, because it actually goes a long way towards contextualizing his behavior. Eridan is a prince of hope, meaning that he destroys hope or uses hope to destroy... and this can be seen in practically every conversation he has. if Eridan is contacting someone, it is because he expects something of them. advice, or consolation, or a solution to a problem he's having... it's always something. when he contacts Kanaya, he wants her to auspistize between him and Vriska. when he contacts Feferi, he wants her to give him encouragement, and maybe date him when he asks. and in every case, the way he demands these things by being rude, whiny, or self pitying, makes people reluctant or unwilling to give him what he expects. he destroys what he hopes to obtain.

it goes deeper than that though. Eridan has absorbed this ideology of sea dweller superiority from living on Alternia... and he actually takes it way farther than it even makes sense to. the aristocracy on Alternia use the lower class for all sorts of menial work that they feel entitled not to have to do themselves. they might have the ability to freely cull individual low bloods for any reason, but eradicating all land dwelling trolls would leave a lot of unpleasant yet necessary tasks with no one to do them. I don't think Eridan actually wants to live in a reality where sea dwellers have to pick up the slack of doing things like sanitation work, or construction or something... but another concept that is heavily tied to the hope aspect is delusion. Eridan is exaggerating. he's trying to agree with Alternia's ruthless class structure so hard that it's actually kind of absurd. but Feferi calls him on that... she says she thinks that he self sabotages on purpose. because he knows, at least in some capacity, that the consequences of getting what he "wants" would actually be really uncomfortable to live with.

so not only is Eridan's goal to destroy... it is also a false goal that he constantly undermines. and all of his waffling between grandstanding and self pity destroys his romantic prospects, which are what he actually seems to want the most.

if you look at the way Eridan pursues relationships, he actually makes a lot of logical sense, but not a lot of emotional sense. he's idealized the act of perfectly filling the relationship requirements of each quadrant. he wants Feferi to be his matesprit, which is purely based on the fact that she's high enough on the hemospectrum to be an appropriate match in terms of status. he wants Vriska to be his kismesis, and Kanaya to be their auspistice, and there are hints that Karkat might've been someone he was considering for moiraillegience, though it wasn't emphasized as much. and there you go! his goal is specific, but it's based more on ideals than on the actual needs and feelings of the people involved, and it's totally self centered... he always wants them to cater to his own needs. the reason why he gets as nihilistic as he does on the meteor, is because all of his endeavors to achieve these relationships are falling through. he feels like he has no hope of mending his existing connections, because he still only sees them in terms of people either giving him, or not giving him, what he wants. but the rest of their race is dead. as the last twelve trolls in existence, they only have each other as romantic options. and as Eridan gets more and more desperate, he gets more and more demanding, which is the exact quality that drives everyone away from him to begin with, and it culminates in him having a "if I can't have what I want then nobody can have any of their hopes either" meltdown.

to backtrack a bit, I wanna reconsider questions such as, when is a kid old enough to be held responsible for their own negative qualities? like... when are you comfortable with ceasing to blame environmental factors? when are they just a bad person? is it after they've refused a certain number of chances to make better choices? when do they reach an age, or level of bad behavior, that makes you think they can't be helped to reform from these negative qualities? where does an adult lose their patience for the idea that a kid is just a victim of their upbringing?

obviously Feferi is Eridan's peer, but these are basically the questions she grapples with when she talks to Eridan. it's like growing up next door to a kid whose parents have some aggressively wrong-headed political stances. as you grow, that kid might mirror their parents' way of thinking... and by the time the two of you are in your teens, it's hard to ignore how much of a jerk that kid is becoming. but you've seen them at every step of their development. you know where it comes from. maybe theirs is the dominant political belief in the community, even if your own parents aren't like that. maybe you wonder if you would've agreed with them if you grew up under their circumstances. you've felt the pressure, but you haven't lived in it like they have, and maybe if they just had the chance to grow up under different conditions, they wouldn't be this way. and you are aware that you could be an influence on them... maybe they need you to help them see another perspective. you always got along so well as kids. when did things even change? and that's kind of where I imagine Feferi is at when we're introduced to her and Eridan. it's a crossroads between believing that you might still matter enough to them to change their outlook, and the persistence of their ingrained beliefs. it's tiring to do that kind of work, over a long period of time, to minimal results. when is the appropriate time to give up? in this way, Feferi's own hopes for Eridan fade over time. she says at one point that she was mainly acting as his moirail so he wouldn't try to underfeed her lusus and kill the land dwellers that way. she's not sure how serious he is, and she can't take that risk. deep down, I'm pretty sure Eridan knew he was never actually going to commit a genocide... but his need to grandstand, and legitimate belief in his caste superiority, had convinced Feferi enough that she still felt obligated to manage him as though he was a real threat.

these characters are thirteen years old. they're right at the edge of childhood and adolescence... right at the age where children aren't quite so innocent. they want to assert themselves. they aren't mature, so there's a lot of responsibility that they still shouldn't be trusted with yet, but they've become aware enough to feel like that's demeaning, and to want to be taken seriously. in an effort to make people acknowledge them without looking down on them, they'll try just about anything. they don't have the experience to know what they're doing yet, so it doesn't always work in their favor, and that's frustrating. you can see bits and pieces of this in homestuck's characters. like with the way they try to paint themselves as an authority on something, or shit talk each other in order to emphasize their own strengths. it's a really interesting theme, because homestuck pushes some of these young characters really far in terms of how bad the things they've done can be, or how much their lived experiences have taught them that what they're doing is acceptable. they can be really self aware in some ways, and come off as really childish in others. it's hard to know what you'd do about them in real life... and your answer changes depending on your own age and perspective. it's a really cool gray area to poke around in, and homestuck is excellent at it.

wtf I like Eridan now

My Dean Blunt Rotation aka High Fidelity Left A Bad Taste in My Mouth

For the past 2 to 3 months, my listening habits were teetering to an end; mostly via burnout by spontaneously listening to local artists daily and less likely of a musical discovery drought, whereas my interests of a certain artist or genre hasn't found its, sort of, "eureka", moment per se. I've been feeling less enthusiastic over the things i listen to since my friends have gradually lost their flare when it comes to discovering/exploring untapped parts of the music realm. Thus, in return, my enthusiasm not being reciprocated. It leaves an empty feeling from someone who has been yearning social interaction, may it be media being latched on the topic - it's a feeling that's been guilt-tripping me ever since I was stranded in the other end of the metro. I feel closed off, exposed to the crippling loneliness the lockdown has punished us: a defacto solitary confinement in a national level. Our act of staying online is also an act of staying alive outside.

To be fair though, it's a valid move to not boomerang compliments/gripes over an art you haven't consumed due to someone's autonomy. Your able body being to consume the art you wish to finish with free time is a luxury in of itself. The art is then failed to serve its purpose to reach its goal: You have squiggly lines heading straight to oblivion rather than swirling in the earlobes of a wandering cyber nomad. We, eventually, need to find something that could help us exit, rather than escape, from capital. We, in return, do not shut ourselves from the outside. Instead, we then tend to avoid the stress of protocols and outdoor fascism; Not avoid the indoor liberalism that is eating us alive and online. It's a capital punishment we never knew we signed up for ever since the onslaught of the virus and the state. Art for art's sake is nonexistent now, always has been, it seizes to ever since we went inside. Feeding off of a holographic meatloaf coming from a glowing screen. We have a real-life Karen acting as a nightlight in our rooms.

The COVID lockdown made us listen to music — both for better, for worse. For one, it made us pass most days. You could say the same for any sort of media: film, mixed media art, or whatever pre-Covid activity that sprung up during our time in isolation. For music, however, there was an uptick of new listeners that made others Wheel-of-Fortune the fuck out of their music discoveries in sites like RateYourMusic, Bandcamp, or even Sophie's Floorboard. We've continued to expand and became more open change of opinions and be less of a jackass towards someone else's opinions. On second thought, our opinions have been catalogued, leaving more notes than actual footprints of our previous listens. Our new discoveries made new bands and re-emerging bands, bands who faded to obscurity, crawl back in the surface with newfound interest from younger listeners (ie Panchiko, Jai Paul, and Dean Blunt) and this glowing, previously unseen and unexpected overwhelming support from fans of departed artists (ie SOPHIE, MF DOOM)

For the other, we've hogged gratuitous amounts of media, resulting into losing our primary direction as to how we want to consume our media based on the preconceived notions of what we want in our art. There is goodness in becoming directionless when you think about it, but there comes a cost to our identity as music listeners. Instead, we end up widening our tangents, falling in endless rabbit holes, having zero chances to emerge from the surface. In fact, i refuse to call it a "rabbit hole" instead i'd rather call it a "pipeline" of sorts — transitioning casual music fans into a full on, different, unique versions of themselves that would define them when laws and protocols have eased in the outside world. Our act of staying online has either made most of us break our character or enliven our past selves. The music pipeline is now more apparent, stretching the norms of what was once alienated by a silent majority, but now accepted as an acceptable form of expression. The more music we are exposed to has made casual listeners stranged out or react in ways that our personality have betrayed us or deemed not as acceptable to them. Still, not changing anything that was prominent pre-pandemic. Liberal cop behavior is stronger, now more dangerous than it ever was once perceived by the outside world.

HIGH FIDELITY? NO, THANK YOU.

Imagine a situation inside of a record, pre-pandemic of course, where you do not feel like lifting a record out from the shelf, instead, you window shop just for the sake of windowshopping. Capital and media made us think that going to record shops is a semi-productive activity. The age of discovery has died ever since High Fidelity romanticized and normalized the incelage of horny record diggers. Does this movie age well, yeah sure it does, for old 90s nerds at least. But did it translate well over in the past 20 or more years of events and tragedies that unfolded in pre-9/11 America? No it didn't. It was an age of free expression, only liberals would dream of whenever they take a sip of Guinness beer in their favorite dive bar.

Mind you, over a couple of months ago, it was my only chance in seeing why this movie was the talk of the town back when it was released. There's music, yeah, and attractive leading leadies, yeah, it has everything a 90s kid would love to salivate and drop their gonads over while they watch this movie. I obviously did not live to see the movie on opening day but i could imagine the scent that came out of that movie theater with attendees donning windbreakers and The Who shirts with popcorn dressing stains on their plastic cups. If there was a Filipino counterpart to this movie, i'd bet corporate champions Eraserheads and Rivermaya would soundtrack their music over and have either Tado or have Boy 2 Quizon, but i sense it to age like milk more than it could age like fine wine due to the senseless jokes one can execute in a Cubao or Cartimar record store.

John Cusack is obviously the incel in question here: a damaged, vengeful ex who constantly fails to live his partner's expectations and weaponizes his personality over the situations that has nothing to do with his interests. I spent the entire time being absolutely disgusted over the spineless responses of John Cusack's leading character. The movie then treads on flashbacks with John Cusack's failed relationships and what he could do to move on from each and one of them. If i could stand a SONA for 3 hours then I can't stand John Cusack being the dull entry point to incel, making more reasons why you should hate record store clerks who don't give an iota of shits to someone's inviting rapport. High Fidelity is opium for massive music circle jerks who can't take a single breathe of fresh air or a single quota of touching grass. There's more targeting weak and inferior guys and hot women who dump dumb overconfident dudebros more than the actual "music recs" in the entire movie. The more I think about this movie, the more I realize how our personality is in line towards Dick, the record store being unmercifully dunked on by the movie's two leading characters. He's an angel in the world of cynical bastards, witnessing both demons pitchforking record store customers in the ass while they're purchasing the latest Sonic Youth album.

I believe that Jack Black, the dark horse of High Fidelity, has a pleasing personality more than an irritating demeanor due to this behavior in the record store. In fact, outside of the record store, Jack Black doesn't seem to take the business is your pleasure act pretty seriously. Unlike John Cusack's character he brought his obsession over involving a record in an important memory/point of his life. There is so much stuff that has happened outside of the record store, so much for Rolling Stone and NME being the bible of music at the time, endlessly christening and shilling artists that believe to become the second coming of the Beatles. The music references here however are treated as fluff than it is a mechanism that would drive the senseless plot forward. If anything, there are events pointed out in the event that doesn't have anything to do with the life of the characters.

If anything, this movie did a great job at capturing the feeling of music bros being dumped on the wayside by a mature set of characters and how their current conditions aren't perfumed by the studios' liking of having to Cinderella story the shit out of a bunch of normal record store owners. The reality is in the reaction of one's social capital being invaded and we're here to witness how those reactions panned out in 2021. This is a villainous depiction of music nerds being the salt of the earth, the bane of all media discussion, still reflective of the insufferable salt of cyberspace found in music forums like 4chan and RYM. High Fidelity is a pipeline of 90s musicology, a dreaded fever dream of an owner waiting for the decade to end, trends ossifying and re-emerged by the hands of nostalgia-savvy individuals. It was, at its time, every music-movie nerd's excuse equivalent of Scott Pilgrim VS. The World. There are memories worth remembering and cherishing, and this movie isn't one of them.

DEAN BLUNT, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

In the past two weeks I've been fancying myself into sitting down and listening to different projects from the ever elusive, UK-based sound artist Dean Blunt. The first time i chanced upon his music wasn't too long ago - albeit a recent one in the time of COVID - was when I randomly stumbled upon his records at a Spotify recommendations section under John Maus (yeah lol i know the implications whenever his name is mentioned) - but then i was enamored by his online presence so quickly I put everything down and dedicated an hour or two researching about this man's music.

Other than the fact that his album "The Redeemer" wasn't the best record to start off in journeying through his discography: ending up disgusted and borderline bored even and I was more likely to lambast this record's aimless, pretentious art-pop inflections. By the end of the day, it was a preference long solidified by his undying fanbase. According to his hardcore fans, the music isn't really music, evaluating it as a free form of sound art, rather than sticking to a structured and conventional cues; the genre is nullified by most analysts of the arts. The growing interest of the general public towards Dean Blunt's pranks and antics have long appealed to my tastes as a chaotic neutral individual. Pranks that are well executed to piss off UK gallery connoisseurs and entertain ironic attendees who'd shit on the art piece rather than participate in it.

More of the resources I've found about Dean Blunt online: numerous aliases and collaborations that lasted around almost 2 decades. The most notable of all them, at least for my money, are either Hype Williams, a duo consisting of Dean and frequent collaborator Inga Copeland, and Babyfather, an art performance parodizing the pirate radio culture in the UK. I have not delved enough in Blunt's body of work to evaluate everything and what i could synthesize from it. For now, I enjoyed it as a form of entertainment. Well, color me impressed because Dean Blunt isn't clowning around, he, in fact, makes blissful and transcendental music from left to right.

Dean Blunt was the only few artists that made me want to binge on their discography. His movements in his music has attracted this pesky listener who thinks that being mysterious is a plus. I mean, look at me who thinks The Paul Institute, Panchiko, and Burial are the greatest artists that have walked the face of the earth.

The most I've enjoyed from Dean Blunt's discography are his mixtapes and collaborations: preferably his Soul Fire and ZUSHI, both of which were packaged as B-sides or supplemental releases rather than major releases such as the Babyfather project or the Black Metal releases. His knack for blurring the lines between genres still fascinate me as of this writing, and it continues to amaze me how he doesn't seize to compromise his art, he's here to prove a point and it sells quite well despite the lack of direction in his music. Blunt's music has more aggressive and hazy texture than the hollow, wide, soulless structure of art-pop/hypnagogic pop released today. He creates terrains from the rubble of his country's current shortcomings. The music overlaps the actual intentions with abstract concepts, becoming deconstructed down the line. In Babyfather, noise music coincides with Blunt's amateurish rapping. In Black Metal, Blunt isolates himself along with the assisted skeletal guitar playing. Both projects throwing all tropes in a vaccum alongside Blunt, who he himself would sought to become a personification of a musical void.

--

(Excerpt from the Babyfather album review in TinyMixtapes)

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Dean Blunt is an entity that wishes to become one person, but no, this isn't a figure in a specific art form; this isn't Banksy, this isn't Bob Ong, this is made by one person, clearly it is if you listen closely, and it's been entrancing me ever since his presence was felt on the horizons of the internet. Dean Blunt, what the actual fuck.

Writing Exercise: The YouTuber Apology 2.0

Scenario: A community uncovers evidence of a massive YouTuber having said racial slurs in 2011. This happens a lot since we live in an age where we share everything, even the stupid shit we said and did as we were growing up. The inevitable apologies are always criticised for being insensitive or missing the point, so I thought I'd see if I can do better. This is completely hypothetical of course, but I'm definitely guilty of oversharing when I was growing up and experienced some shameful and awkward moments as I was learning what was acceptable to talk and joke about.

-

First and foremost, I'd like to apologise to anyone offended by what I said in the past. I shouldn't have said them, but I did anyway.

I'm not going to delete the offending posts, but I am going to link to this statement in the comments of each of the posts flagged by my community so that anyone who sees them can immediately see this statement.

I need to talk about some things that may be difficult for some to hear. I don't regret saying those things. I know you're probably expecting me to regret them, expecting me to find it so shameful that I immediately want to bury it, but that's not the case here.

When we're young, we learn social skills from saying and doing the wrong thing and learning hard lessons about how our words affect others. Due to the nature of us growing up in full view of social media, sometimes we have to learn these hard lessons in a very public way.

I don't regret saying those things because the lesson I learned from saying them has shaped who I am today. I learned through offending others and understanding how that ultimately made me feel, what was socially acceptable and what wasn't, on the macro level and the more subtle micro level. I'm proud of the progress I have made as a human being.

These days we don't allow visible growth, we don't allow people to learn difficult lessons and change. There's an unwritten rule in how you present yourself online, and that is "you should always be your best self" - but this rule doesn't gel with human nature. We make mistakes, we grow, we change, our very nature is malleable. I'm guilty only of showing my growth, warts and all.

I'm not trying to justify saying these things, I understand and appreciate the offense that they cause. What I'm trying to say is that the hard lessons have already been heard, felt and logged deep within me, and I hope you can see in the way I conduct myself today that those lessons are important to me.

We're all guilty of saying or doing the wrong things, and changing our behaviour based on the reaction - nobody lives their lives perfectly, anyone who claims such is lying. The difference perhaps between you and I is that you are able to witness that change in me somewhat 'live'.

I am no longer the person who said those things, but I want them to stay visible because I don't subscribe to the mindset that we must only expose the perfect and bury the imperfect. I made mistakes, those mistakes are visible for all to see, and as those mistakes are visible, so too is the growth, the maturity, and my current form.

Please accept this as my statement on the matter, and please hold me to account for the stupid things I say and do today, not by the stupid things I said and did before. The accountability is the only way for me to move forward from it, and so I won't shy away from criticisms of my current behaviour.

Judge me only by my actions of today, because the mistakes I made in the past have had their lessons learned.

-

If your favourite content creator released a statement like that, how would you feel about it?

This was my Nana at my second birthday party!

She and my Papaw bought me a new swingset that year.

My mom gave me some old pictures the other day on my 21st birthday from my 2nd birthday party, so this picture of my Nana is 19 years old... that's wild.

I've been thinking a lot about my Nana and my Papaw and my mom. And I realized that most of the people around my age act the way they do (fucking crazy) because of their parents and the environment they were raised in. Most of them had parents who either wouldn't allow them to do things (or couldn't afford it) or the opposite, where they forced their kids to play a sport or like a certain thing. (The amount of fathers I've seen get pissed off when their boys don't want to hunt deer or play football... I cannot tell you! Extreme Christian men are fucking bonkers about their children not being exactly how they want them...)

And it occurred to me that I actually didn't really have to deal with that. Not to any extreme level anyway...

I've seen a friend cry and scream and have several mental breakdowns because her dad would steal her journals and read them and told her that as long as she lived under his roof she wouldn't keep any secrets from him. He told her that reading was a waste of her time and money and refused to let her mom buy her the books she wanted. He told her that art and writing were also a waste of her time and practically beat it into her head that all she would ever amount to was a housewife who stayed at home raising babies and caring for a manchild/husband.

And he absolutely hated my guts because I tried my DAMNDEST to get her out of that mindset and to get her to see that she could be or do whatever she wanted (she WANTED to teach elementary school). (It all ended up with us falling out and her reverting back to being his little puppet and following every order he spit at her.) And so he ended up forcing her to go to college on a small grant and a student loan... but made her take the nursing program. Which she ended up failing out of almost immediately because nursing programs are extremely competitive and she was an average student with barely passing grades. (Not trying to make fun of her, but the standards compared to her actual grades were EXTREMELY unrealistic, even she knew it. But her father insisted.)

She ended up dropping out, marrying a criminal (also one of the ugliest dudes I've ever seen, like no joke.. his creepy eyes make me nauseated) and had a baby with him. Now she's constantly back and forth from "I love him, we're a happy little family, I'm a stay at home mom!" and "I hate men, both parents need a job, I can raise my child by myself!"

It just kind of eats at me because while we were friends I could see her finally getting away from her dad and the shit he was constantly shoving her way. But as soon as we stopped being friends... it just seemed like she gave up. And I don't blame myself or anything like that (after all, you can't help someone who refuses to believe they need help)... but it was just crazy to watch it all happen and to think about it now with a new outlook and probably a good bit more maturity.

While we were friends she was more open and out there and we could go hang out with the "weird kids" and party in our own way (usually at the arcade like the nerds we were). We would paint together and make friendship books together and just have fun as kids should... but then I moved away and watching her social media was like watching someone take a leap off a cliff. She even tried to steal my fiance and my friends from me amidst all of this insanity... just out of spite and jealousy that I got away and she stayed trapped in her own personal hell...

And one day it was like her dad finally got into her head. She started hanging out with people we used to hate. She started giving out blowjobs like candy on Halloween (to the point that guys were asking her for blowjobs for their 18th birthdays). She was constantly partying and drinking and doing who knows what kind of drugs. She got married to a guy she met while he was on the run from the police and they ended up having a baby and she became a stay at home mom. (Which she tried her hardest to pretend was fine by her in the beginning, but later had a meltdown over it and got a job again).

She gave up everything she said she wanted to do. Every dream she ever had. And became exactly the person her father was always telling her she would end up being.

Watching all of this happen and seeing how she ended up... was is so fucking surreal to me. It's just so... fucked up.

I surely didn't have the BEST childhood and I plan to raise any children I might have in the future very differently than how I was raised. But I did have a mother and an amazing set of grandparents who made sure I could do whatever I dreamt of.

When I decided I wanted to try out for basketball, my mom signed me up and made sure I went to every practice and game when I made the team. (Though I only played for 3 years before getting bored of it.)

When I wanted to play Tball as a toddler, mom signed me up and made sure there was always someone to take me to my games.

When I started dancing and doing cheerleading my grandparents paid for everything I needed and took me to and from every event and cheer camp.

When my Uncle started learning the guitar they bought me a small one to practice on. When he later started learning the keyboard, they bought me one of those too. I wanted to learn everything he did.

My mom let me get a couple of piercings and dye my hair crazy colors and wear whatever I wanted (except for when it was WAY too revealing for my age, then I was only allowed to wear it inside the house.) She allowed me the freedom to pick things out for myself and make myself look however I wanted. My Nana actually put hot pink streaks in my hair when I was 8 and I loved having colored hair after that...

And during the periods that I didn't want to be active... they let me do that too. They bought me notebook after notebook and sketchbook after sketchbook. They let me write and draw and sing and dance to my hearts fucking content. My Nana kept a wall in her house covered in my art. She loved that I was an artist and made sure to always support me.

My papaw even bought me my own pair of roller skates because for literally 5 years straight the only thing I wanted to do on the weekends was go to the movie theater.. and the skating rink! He and my Nana let me roller skate THROUGH THE HOUSE so I could practice without being in front of everyone. And then they'd take me to the skating rink and let me skate for hours. And now that I think about it... it's kind of crazy that they just let me skate in circles for hours by myself and never once tried to force me to make friends or talk to other kids. As long as I was happy and content, they didn't care.

They supported me and loved me no matter what I wanted to do and I honestly feel like that's why I don't just sit back and follow orders. I don't just do whatever someone tells me to do (unlike so many people around me who I've seen try SO hard to fit their parents expectations, only to fail almost every time.)

I did feel that pressure a little bit. Everyone expected me to do good in school and go off to college (because I was always good in school and made good grades, so it became an expectation). And I think that's why it hit me so bad to quit college... because I felt like I was letting everyone down. But then my mom reminded me that she gave up college so she could keep me and that college really isn't for everyone (even people who are good at school).

My Papaw supported my choice (I could tell he was a little unhappy) but he never voiced that he was in any way disappointed in me. He believes that since I earned my scholarship by myself, then I get to decide what to do with it... which includes not using it.

My Nana fully supported my decision. She thought similar to my Papaw, that I had earned that scholarship on my own and so I got to decide what happened with it. She was also one of the only people who really knew how mentally and emotionally fucked up I was while trying to attend college and fully supported me leaving that stress behind if it made me happy to do so.

I've seen kids fall apart because they never had people like this in their lives. They were never allowed to be themselves or just enjoy whatever it was they liked. They were constantly pushed and pushed until they finally went over the edge.

And that's really fucked up.

And I'm really thankful for my mom and grandparents who always allowed me to be myself and make decisions for myself.

I'm really thankful to have been allowed to be me (at least for the most part). 💛

And darling I will be loving you 'til we're 70

Since Tumblr became cancerous and I don’t really know why I’m just gonna drop this little drabble. I love the album so much I have this on repeat on Spotify since yesterday, so I’m seriously leaving Tumblr for a while to let everyone chill and calm down about it. I know we all have opinions, but you know what, I’m not gonna be fake and say ‘Yes, I understand your point’ blahblahblah. Call me a bitch or anything you want but this album is positive to me and so beautiful, and I really don’t do good with bad opinions on things I like and enjoy so Imma just stay away and not get involved :) I love every single one of BTS’ songs and nothing will change that.  Love you guys anyway.

‘Come on, Jennie, cheer up. For me?’ Jungkook makes puppy eyes hoping the girl would finally stop staring blankly outside the car window. 'Look at me. Come on, come on.’ The boy starts poking at Jennie’s side to make her move, but the girl doesn’t do as much as blink. With a sigh, Jungkook shifts his gaze back to the road.

There’s a familiar song playing on the radio, an instrumental version of one of Jungkook’s favourite songs of all times, gentle flute, and catchy beat humming in the background. It’s an old song, from around 2017 if he remembers correctly, belonging to his grandad’s favourite boy group at that time.

'Could you turn it off, please?’ Jennie asks silently without looking at Jungkook, her skinny hands pressing harder together in her lap. It’s not much, but at least Jungkook knows she’s conscious. He’s been worrying for the entire ride if his friend has had an emotional crisis to the point where she lost the contact with the reality. Without a word, Jungkook shuts the radio down, hands coming back to the wheel.

They continue the rest of the trip like this, full 4 hours of thick silence with only two stops for toilets and one coffee stop for Jungkook.

If he didn’t know any better, he would have just taken Jennie’s hand and told her everything would be okay soon. But it’s Jennie, and it was never this simple with her. She didn’t need a banal hug or a plain word of comfort. All she needed was some space and silence.

But when she came to him two days ago looking like her entire world shattered right in front of her eyes, Jungkook didn’t know how to help her, how to ease her pain. Maybe they’re only 20, but they’re capable of love and that day Jennie looked like her heart had been ripped out of her chest in the slowest, most agonizing way.

'We’re almost there.’ Jungkook’s lips curve into a small smile against his will when they pass a sign 'Welcome to Busan’. From the corner of his eye, he can see Jennie stealing a curious glance as well before she quickly turns back to the window. Under other circumstances, he would have been teasing her, calling her 'Gangnam Princess’ since she’s never been to Busan before. Now, though, all he can do is hope that spending a few weeks in his hometown would do something, anything to help forget. Well, not his hometown per se, more of his mother’s but he spent half of his life here so it could as well be his hometown.

Driving further and further into the city, passing by the all familiar houses and shops, Jungkook can’t help but feel nostalgic. He didn’t visit last year, something he deeply regrets, but knows that none of his grandparents will be mad at him. His their first and only grandchild after all and he’s been spoiled by them all his life.

The fuel reserve light turns on catching Jungkook’s attention, so he drives for a few more minutes before stopping at the last gas station before his grandparents’ house.

Jennie still doesn’t move even when Jungkook makes funny faces at her from the other side of the window, so he just refuels and goes to pay. Fumbling with his wallet, he doesn’t notice a person walking towards him resulting in bumping into them with a groan. Before he can apologize, a big, triangular smile appears in front of his eyes and then the rest of the face, and without much thinking, Jungkook throws himself at the man.

'Uncle Taehyung!’

'Kookie! Told you to call me Tae! God, I swear, you’re getting taller every year.’

'You say so every year!’

'Well, not last year.’ Uncle Tae shoves at Jungkook’s shoulder making Jungkook almost fall over. 'You’re so handsome, I wonder after who. Surely not after your grandfather.’ The man shakes his head rubbing at his jaw in a fake deep thought.

'You know, I always have another-.’

'Oh my,’ Taehyung whistles 'and who would that be?’ Jungkook furrows his eyebrows following his uncle’s line of sight until he locks eyes with a curious looking Jennie. 'Is that your girlfriend?’ Taehyung waves at her and to Jungkook’s genuine shock, Jennie waves back with a shy smile.

'No, just a good friend from college. She’s- Her boyfriend broke up with her, and I just thought she would like to see Busan. You know, maybe have some fun? You get it.’ Taehyung scoffs.

'Of course. I might be old, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know stuff. See, when I was young-.’

'Uncle.’ Jungkook puts a hand on top of Taehyung’s shoulder. 'Why don’t you come over later? We’ve been kinda driving for a few hours, and I’m sure Jennie would appreciate some shower and rest.’ He gives his uncle an apologetic look to which he receives a curse, but as it turns out, he’s not the one being cursed at.

'Shit, you’re right. I’m a fool. Go. And tell this old prick I’m expecting my martini to be nice and cold when I stop by sometime during the week.’ He adds louder as Jungkook walks over to the car.

'Of course! See you!’

'Who was that?’ Jennie waves again at Taehyung and Jungkook might be seeing wrong, but he swears the top of her uncovered ear turned slightly pink.

'Uncle Tae, he’s a good friend of my grandparents.’ The best, he thinks.

'Wow, so how old is he?’ Jennie turns in her seat, and Jungkook bites his lip to prevent himself from smiling wide. Better safe than sorry.

'Hmm, if I’m correct he’s my grandad’s age so it would be 64-.’

'64?!’ Jennie’s eyes widen comically. 'He looks no older than a little over 40!’

'Time has been merciful for him, I agree.’

'And he’s so handsome! Like, you know, this manly kind of handsome that comes with age.’

'Guess I’m not manly.’ Jungkook shrugs his shoulders.

'Maybe a bit? But he’s on the entirely different level, so you kinda suck next to him.’

'Nasty.’ Jungkook laughs and lets out a small breath of relief when Jennie giggles as well for the first time in two days.

'Wow.’ Jennie looks around her as Jungkook starts pulling their suitcases out from the trunk. 'It’s so nice.’

Jungkook stops to look over the house, white elevation with wooden elements here and there, big front yard with different kinds of shrubs and nicely shaped hedges lining the fence, so the whole place feels cozy and safe. Nothing changed since two years ago. He nods slowly.

'Yeah, it’s nice.’

'Kook?’ A slightly deep yet silky like honey voice calls out making both Jennie and Jungkook turn to the source of it. 

A man, dressed in the comfy looking pants and an oversized blouse, looking like he walked straight from one of these 'mature sexy men magazine’ appears on the stone path leading to the main entrance. He’s holding a huge flowerpot with different, colorful flowers in it, his glove-covered hands are dirty from the soil, and the bronze skin of his face is grazed with pink. He sets the pot on the ground then pulls off the gloves with a smack.

'Hey, grandpa.’ Jungkook smiles slightly before jogging over to the man and straight into his wide open arms.

'My baby Kook.’ The man coos before he starts tightening the grip around Jungkook. 'You didn’t say you were going to visit you fuckin. Little. Shit.’

'Sorry.’ Jungkook manages to gasp out before the grip loosens and his grandad pats his shoulder blades.

'Seriously, you even brought a girlfriend. I didn’t clean up the house!’

'She’s not my girlfriend. Don’t worry; she won’t mind-.’

’I mind. What is she going to think of your grandparents, huh?’

'Seriously, don’t worry about it.’

'You fucking-.’

'Um.’ They snap their heads towards Jennie who managed to walk over without being noticed. Jungkook’s grandad quickly composes himself running a hand through his surprisingly thick and blonde hair. 'Hello. My name is Jennie, and it’s a pleasure to meet you.’ She bows slightly before the man sends her a charming smile and takes her hand to plant a kiss on top.

'It’s indeed a pleasure, such a beautiful lady with such good manners. If I wasn’t taken already-.’

'But you are.’ Jungkook peeps in, but Jennie just smiles shyly admiring the handsome man in front of her. There’s something youthful about his eyes and the way he talks that almost draws her in like a moth to a flame.

'A dog in the manger. Alright, since my lovely grandson didn’t bother to mention you were going to come, we’ll need to organize something.’ The older man spins around with a wink and starts walking towards the house completely ignoring the pot. Jennie looks briefly at Jungkook.

'Oh, maybe we should just go to the motel? I wouldn’t want to intrude-.’

'What?’ The man stops in his tracks before storming back to Jennie. 'Sweetheart, you’re not intruding. I just need to change bed sheets and maybe clean the bathroom a little, but I believe Jungkook will take care of you for an hour, right?’ He smiles sweetly, little crinkles appearing in the corners of his eyes and Jennie finds herself nodding fervently.

'Pops…’ Jungkook groans then jumps to the side to avoid being hit.

'Please, make yourself home.’ He squeezes Jennie’s arm gently before leaving.

As they both watch the man entering the house in a hurry, Jennie turns to look at Jungkook questioningly.

'Pops?’

'My childhood nickname for him. I like to tease him.’

'Are all old people here so handsome?’ Jennie furrows her eyebrows.

'What can I say. You’re not the only Gangnam Princess.’

'Alright then, princess. Let’s unpack. I could die for a cup of tea, also?’ Jungkook salutes.

'Got it, milady.’

Jungkook closes the door to Jennie’s room quietly before joining his grandfather on the couch downstairs. Reaching for the empty glass he lets the older man fill it with dry red wine.

'She’s very nice. But she seemed kinda sad?’ As usual, his grandad is pretty much observant and pretty much straightforward. Jungkook leans against the backrest.

'Her boyfriend of four years dumped her for someone else. After cheating on her multiple times. She didn’t know until two days ago.’

'That’s awful.’ His grandad nods rising a glass to his lips.

'She was devastated. Usually, she can take care of herself, but it was different this time. I could just sit and watch her becoming an empty shell.’ Jungkook rubs at his forehead out of a silent frustration. The older man doesn’t say anything for a while before humming into the wine with a smile.

'That’s why you brought her here.’

'This place can heal everything.’ Jungkook answers but not without a hint of affection. 'I missed you.’ He’s immediately crushed between two strong arms.

'We missed you too Bunny Boo.’

——

It’s been four days since their arrival, and even though Jennie looked relatively fine, Jungkook knew it’s not true. She met Taehyung properly, on the second day, laughing all the time at the old’s man antics. But she’s been looking at her phone every few minutes, and sometimes her eyes would glaze over, and she would excuse herself to the bathroom every time they did. Jungkook was to say at least, frustrated.

'Kook?’ He lifts his head to look at his grandfather.

'Yeah?’

'Could you prepare the fireplace? Taehyung’s coming over, and I thought we could grill some sausages? I’ve got marshmallows?’ He wiggles his eyebrow making Jungkook snort.

'Sure.’

'Maybe I could help with Jennie?’ Jungkook turns his head around to glance over his grandad.

'How?’

'I don’t know.’ The man shrugs. 'She’s too beautiful to be this sad.’

'I know.’ Jungkook sighs throwing thin pieces of wood into a plastic box. 'She’s hurting so much because of some stupid asshole. I wish someone just beat the shit out of him.’

'You really care about her, huh?’ Jungkook stops for a second then continues with searching for the wood.

'She’s not an ordinary girl, and she helped me a lot in college. She’s kind but stands for herself. She doesn’t deserve to be treated like this.’

’Nobody deserves that.’ His grandad pats his shoulder before walking away whistling quietly.

'No. You got it wrong. It was completely different from what you just said.’

'Taehyung, I swear, it was you who jumped from the scaffolding-.’

'You old fool, I would have remembered something like this-.’

'Then maybe it’s time to check your memory you goddamn prick-.’

'Woah, woah, woah.’ Jungkook walks over to the fireplace. 'I’m leaving you for a minute, and you’re almost fighting.’

'Who’s fighting you little shit?’

'Right! You’re just a bug to us so shut up.’ His grandad fist bumps Taehyung before they start cackling together.

'You’re awful.’ He whines with a frown. 'Here you go.’ Jungkook wraps a soft dark blue blanket around Jennie before plopping down next to her on top of the bean chair wrapped in his own dark pled.

'Thanks.’ She mutters softly through a mouthful of marshmallows. She seems cozy and definitely warmer with the blanket but for some reason, her eyes are getting dangerously glossy again, so before she could untangle herself and run away, Jungkook instinctively pulls her closer. She looks up at him, but he just presses a finger to his lips to shush her.

'Is it a storytime?’ Taehyung runs both hands through his thick brown hair.

'Of course.’ Jungkook’s grandad shakes his head like it’s the most obvious thing in the world and to be honest, it kinda is. Jungkook has always loved storytime with his grandparents; they either made him fall asleep in minutes or kept him awake for the entire night. To this day he believes there was magic behind these stories, the kind of magic that even his wonderful parents couldn’t create.

'How about it, Jennie? Do you wanna listen to his old man’s story?’ Taehyung gets more comfortable in his rocking chair. 'I promise, they are only the best quality.’

'I don’t doubt it.’ Jennie smiles and nods her head. 'I will gladly listen to your story.’ Absentmindedly she snuggles more into Jungkook’s side creating an extra dose of warmth between them. Not that Jungkook complains.

'Let’s see. Hmm. Okay, what about Jungkook’s favorite story?’ The old man gives him a questioning look as well as excited Taheyung and curious Jennie.  

'I haven’t heard it in years.’ Taehyung nods appreciatively then makes puppy eyes at Jungkook. And damn, is it working.

'Yeah, I wanna hear that.’ Jennie agrees. 'Since it’s his favorite, it must be good.’ Jungkook locks his eyes with his grandfather’s. Actually, he heard it only twice and only when he became an adult.

'Yes. Yes, it is.’

'What is it about?’ Jennie reaches for her cup of tea. Jungkook’s grandad smile to himself.

'I hope you don’t mind a little- spice.’

——

At first sight, I could recognize you As if we were calling for each other The DNA in my-

'Um, excuse me?’ Jimin quickly pulls at his earphones to look at the stranger hovering over him. 'Is this seat taken? It’s full everywhere.’ Jimin glances at the seat where his bag sits then back at the stranger. It’s hard to tell his features because the sun is directly behind him, but Jimin supposes he doesn’t look like a freak. So quietly, he puts his bag between his legs motioning at the now empty seat.

'Please.’

'Thank you.’ The man bows and sits down in front of busy putting an earphone back in Jimin.

None of this is a coincidence Because we’re the two who found our destiny-

Jimin ignores him for the good thirty seconds before curiosity gets the best of him and before he can stop himself, he’s looking up from his phone. Everything would have been fine, Jimin would have taken a quick look then hid back behind his screen where he’s safe. But what he didn’t predict was that the stranger could be already staring at him as well. And oh, boy. He does have some nice features to look at. 

His hair is fiery orange, slightly wavy and parted in the middle. He’s dressed nicely but not overdressed, with nice pants and loose longsleeved shirt. Suddenly Jimin feels half-conscious about his plain black jeans and the hoodie. They both avert their gazes at the same time pretending to like the scenery outside the window more than the person in front of them.

The train is moving at the speed of 300km/h, but Jimin swears his heart is beating faster. He’s not sure why. No, he has some fair idea why, but he’s better than that. He’s better than judging someone by the looks.

The boy doesn’t look at him for the next few minutes until they reach the next station and the speakers above the door to their section announce that there’s an over hour-long delay due to some reparations on the tracks.

Jimin slumps in his seat, stuffing both hands in the pocket of his hoodie. The sky is getting pinky orange now, so before he reaches home, it’s going to be plain dark outside. Great.

'Guess we’re stuck here for a while.’ The stranger’s voice makes Jimin flinch, but if the said stranger noticed, he does a good job of pretending he didn’t. He shrugs.

'I guess.’

'I can just leave you alone and shut up if you mind me talking.’

'I don’t. It’s okay.’

'Okay. But stop me if I’m too much. Sometimes I forget not everyone is like me.’ Jimin raises an eyebrow.

'Like you?’

'Overly excited.’ The other eyebrow follows the first one.

'About what?’ Jimin asks unsurely. The stranger smiles mischievously.

’Everything.’

Jung Hoseok wasn’t lying that day in the train. He was overly hyped and continuously made Jimin want to shove his fist down his throat whenever he started to talk at the speed of light about things that weren’t interesting to Jimin. But most of the time Jimin didn’t shove his fist down Hoseok’s throat. Actually, he never did. However…

'Fuck.’ Jimin’s fingers are so tightly curled in Hoseok’s hair that he thinks he would literally pull every one of them out if he did it any harder. 'Fuck. I- fuck.’ He doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t even know why he feels like he has to say something at all.

It’s just that it doesn’t feel right when there is silence between them. Well, maybe except for the moans and filthy sounds of slurping but silence beside that. With Hoseok’s constant talking he can think. Without it, he’s a mess like this.

He thrust and thrusts, and for a moment he becomes scared that he’s going too fast, too hard. But then Hoseok lifts his teary eyes and smirks around him, and he looks like he’s in his favorite spot in the world right now doing what he likes the most and Jimin doesn’t have the heart to take it from him. So he simply gives in.

And Jung Hoseok wasn’t lying that day in the train. He’s overly excited about everything.

'That was- intense.’

'No shit.’ Hoseok pants out trying to wipe the sweat away from his face. 'I feel like my soul left my body.’

'Same.’ Jimin agrees, quick, sharp breaths leaving his chapped lips. 'Any particular reason behind it?’

'Just a choreography for this boy group. Sorry if I went too hard.’

'No!’ Jimin flinches when Hoseok turns his head to look at him questioningly. 'I mean, it was fine.’

'Someone likes it more on the rough side, hm?’ He’s teasing, Jimin knows, but he still turns bright red at the indication. Hoseok raises an eyebrow. 'You really do.’

'I guess? Never really knew until today.’

'Did I wake up a best in you?’ God, yes.

'What was that?’ Jimin frowns. 'That was cheesy at so many levels.

'Not on your level shortie.’ Hoseok winks rolling around across the bed to run from the potential hit. He grabs his underwear and skinny black jeans, jumping to get them up his legs.

'Look, who’s talking. President of the 'want to be tall’ club.’ Jimin throws a pillow at him squeaking as Hoseok dodges it to steal a kiss from him. The mattress squeaks as well when Hoseok presses his palms on both sides of Jimin’s head.

'Whatever shortie. I gotta go home. Call me when you have time.’ He gives Jimin one last kiss, a little longer, maybe a bit lingering before he throws a shirt on and like this, he’s out.

'So you’re fuckbuddies with some Hoseok dude from the train.’

'Yes.’

'And it’s been four months?’

'Yes.’

'But you checked if he’s clean?’

'Yes.’

'Is he good?’

'Yes.’

'So it’s strictly physical relationship.’

'Yes.’

'But you talk beside that.’

'Yes.’

'And you want it to be more.’

'Yes.’

'Come on, teach me.’ Jimin laughs as they kiss in the middle of his apartment.

'You’re not even a dancer.’ Hoseok raises an amused eyebrow, then adds. 'Ballerina, maybe.’

'Just a few steps. And then I’ll suck you off, nice and clean.’ Jimin pulls at the rim of Hoseok’s shirt. Hoseok clicks his tongue.

'Alright. Let’s see if you can keep up with me.’

'Alright.’

'So we start with a jump-.’

—

'You’re a shitty person. You know that?’

They’re sticky and sweaty and too warm to be laying this close to each other, but somehow none of them moves an inch.

'It was you who said I’m not a dancer.’ Jimin giggles, wiping fresh strikes of cum on his stomach with wet tissues. He’s worn out, slightly sore and his throat is getting lightly red from the earlier ministrations on it.

'Cuz you never told me?’ Hoseok takes one of the tissues to wipe at his face. Jimin bites a lip at that but doesn’t stop wiping at his skin as he speaks.

'Cuz I didn’t know you would like to know.’ He only lifts his gaze when a hand wrap around his wrist and another one takes the almost dry paper away. He looks into Hoseok’s dark eyes and he stops breathing.

'Would you like me to?’ Jimin shrugs his shoulders, unsure.

'I guess.’

'I’m just gonna remind you that I’m overly excited about everything.’ Hoseok searches for something on Jimin’s face, in Jimin’s shining eyes, thick lips. They curve into a smile under his gaze before moving softly.

'I know.

'Pass the coke?’ Jimin wipes sweat away from his face with the back of his hand.

'Coke is bad for your gorgeous body.’ Hoseok hands him a glass of water, dropping a kiss on the side of Jimin’s head. 'And you’ve got something here.’ He points at Jimin’s forehead, white stripe of paint contrasting sharply with the gold undertones of his skin. Jimin touches it with his fingers then looks at the back of his hand.

'Fuck.’

'Here too.’ Hoseok points at something at his face again, and Jimin rushes to check it. When he furrows his eyebrows in confusion when nothing comes off on his finger and opens his mouth to ask, Hoseok’s already pressing a dirty brush against his nose. 'Right here.’

'Hoseok!’ The older laughs loudly before Jimin paints his cheek, chin and the side of his neck laughing as well.

'You did not.’ Hoseok dips his hands in the bucket with paint before dirtying any area on Jimin’s clothes and body he can reach. The paint splatters around the paper-covered floor as well as across the unfinished wall, but none of them seems to care, too caught in their own world. Hoseok catches Jimin’s midsection from behind spinning them around with Jimin’s legs dangling in the air. He trips over the paint roller, though, and soon they’re both kissing on the dirty floor, painted hands wandering everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

'I love you.’ Hoseok breathes into Jimin’s neck when they curl up together on the only mattress in their still empty apartment. It’s cold and pretty much dark, but it’s just the beginning, and they don’t have much energy to get up and go to Hoseok’s house to sleep.

Despite the temperature, Jimin feels like he’s burning on the inside, even underneath the thin worn out blanket. He puts his chin over Hoseok’s head sliding his fingers into his boyfriend’s hair. He inhales the faint mixture of paint and some random shampoo, not an unpleasant scent, and exhales.

'I love you, too.’

It was an agreement. It was a mutual decision and an easy solution.

Hoseok was leaving for America and Jimin- Jimin wasn’t.

Hoseok had a chance to become a big choreographer, and he craved some different. Something not-Korea.

Jimin was opening his academy in Seoul, and he loved his country, and despite loving Hoseok like crazy, he knew he would never be happy away from home. He was 23, they got to spend amazing three years together, but they just weren’t meant to be. Simple as that.

He didn’t cry at the airport, not when they kissed one last time, not when Hoseok whispered 'You’re my whole world,’ not when he whispered it back and not when the plane finally took off.

He knew that that day at the airport they were both lying, but for once, Hoseok wasn’t overly excited about something.

'Thank you for today. I had a great time.’

Seulgi was a beautiful girl, with fiery hair and soft eyes and Jimin shook his head as if to convince himself it’s just the coincidence. He asked her out because she was kind but brave, she was funny and she made Jimin blush more than once since he met her. She was just one of his employees in the academy; a modern dance teacher that only added to Jimin’s admiration for her.

He hasn’t heard from Hoseok for a few months now; another point in their agreement. He was going to move on and it was the only way. Sometimes he caught himself following him on Instagram or Twitter anyway but the day he saw a pic of Hoseok’s new partner, he just stopped for all.

'Yeah, I had a great time too.’

Thanks to Hoseok, he was all knew to dating stuff. It came naturally to them after everything they’ve done earlier. But this situation right now is so much different, with a person he wants to impress, with a person who is a girl and a person who is not Hoseok.

He kisses Seulgi slowly and carefully, feeling something nice warming up all of his body. He deepens the kiss, a bit, and hums when Seulgi responds boldly to it. He likes her so much and really hopes they would work out. He deserves happiness and in this moment he’s sure everything will turn out just fine.

He opens his eyes, slightly, catching a sliver of fiery hair and closes them immediately letting the kiss take over him.

Jimin smiles widely at everybody at the table pulling Seulgi closer to himself.

She was amazing, really. He loved her so much. He even told her about Hoseok. She was nothing but understanding, and he loved her even more for that.

Now, though, surrounded by their mutual friends and under the shimmering stars in the backyard of Seulgi’s house, he swears he feels like on cloud nine.

Seulgi is showing off the ring proudly, Irene and two other of her friends cooing and giggling and congratulating her in every possible way. Her hair is blonde now, something Jimin is quietly grateful for, but somehow, it disappoints him whenever he runs his fingers through it. Jimin’s friends, Namjoon and Seokjin, keep patting his shoulders, congratulating every time they open their mouths. Seokjin is more excited about it. He didn’t get to meet Hoseok but Namjoon was their mutual friend since the beginning, and while he is all smiles and kind words, Jimin can feel him being slightly less happy about it than his boyfriend.

He laughs at something one of the dancers from his academy says clapping his hands and covering his mouth with a sleeve. He feels lightheaded, from alcohol, from overwhelming emotions, from love for his fiance. He excuses himself to the bathroom, planting a lingering kiss on Seulgi’s wine-stained lips on the way before he disappears inside the house.

His phone vibrates in his pants as he’s making his way back. He steps in front of the glass door leading to the backyard, watching his friends having a good time. He can’t hear them through the glass but just by the looks on their faces he can proudly say they are happy for him.

He pulls the phone out, skipping through the notifications on his Instagram, comments, and likes underneath the pic of him proposing to Seulgi on top of one of the Seoul’s skyscrapers. He couldn’t thank Kai enough for taking it for them.

His phone vibrates in his hand again, an unknown number appearing on the screen. He opens the message and immediately sits down on the closest chair.

From: Unknown Congratulations :) H.

Jimin deletes the text quickly joining the rest at the table. He laughs for the rest of the night, drinks with everybody, kisses Seulgi whenever he feels like it and later in the night makes passionate love to her.

But that day he was lying to himself thinking that that one message didn’t stir something deep inside of him.

He plays with the sharp edges of the creamy paper card, moving it around and flipping it back and forth, eyes fixed on the elegant letters. It’s a plain invitation, classy with small embossed patterns around the edges. There’s not many of them, Seulgi wanted to invite only the closest family and a few friends.

The wedding’s in three weeks. He should be jumping in happiness and not be able to wait this long. But the longer he looks at the invitation, the more he feels- tired about everything.

The wedding rings, tuxedo fitting, shoes, decorations, cake, constant meetings with the consultant. He thanks God Seulgi has her friends to help her with a dress.

And then there’s this feeling, the voice at the back of his head which appeared the day of his proposal and stayed with him since then. It fills him with thoughts he doesn’t want, leaves him distracted most of the time that sometimes he’s unable to hide it even from Seulgi.

And she noticed. Of course, she did. She could say something is off about Jimin, but she didn’t say anything. She was loving and caring and left him when he visibly needed space.

Jimin couldn’t be happier to have someone like her in his life.

He reads over the invitation once again before slipping it into an envelope with 'Jung Hoseok’ at the top and the address he got from Namjoon underneath. He pushes it through the slit of the mailbox quietly hoping it’s not a correct address.

As he starts the engine and takes off, he swears the painful feeling behind his sternum is just the anticipation.

–

                                                  Kang Seulgi                                                         and                                                    Park Jimin

                                        joyfully invite you to share                                               in their happiness                                         as they unite in marriage                                                           on                               Saturday the 16th August 2023 at 4 pm

                                           PARK HYATT SEOUL                                     606, Teheran-ro, Gangnam-gu                                      Seoul,  South Korea, 06174

She looks beautiful. She looks so beautiful walking down the aisle Jimin needs to blink for w few times. She dyed her hair back, fiery orange underneath the thin lacy veil and she looks like a Gangnam Princess with her dark red full lips and delicate eyes. Her simple, elegant dress flows down to the floor, like cascades of white gold and she looks so damn flawless Jimin knows the whole world is probably jealous of him.

Right, the whole world would probably kill to be him, to have such a beautiful wife, so kind and so damn loving. Every person on this planet can only wish to be in his boots right now. Jimin’s got the whole world in front of him yet there’s another person with even more fiery hair that catches his attention, in the furthest point of the church, right next to the main entrance.

He chokes on his breath, feeling sweat gather between his shoulder blades. He sees Seulgi, smiling, but there’s worry in her eyes, the one he knows so well. He sees his friends, Seulgi’s friends looking happy for him, for her. But his eyes wander to that damn spot next to the door, and he feels his chest contracting because if it’s possible.

Hoseok looks better than he remembers, in a navy suit and rich red bowtie and somehow, Seulgi, his wife-to-be, looks almost bland next to him. Everything rushes back to him, every kiss, touch, word. He’s 20 again and so utterly in love.

He bites his lip though when he takes smiling Seulgi’s hand, smiling at her as well through teary eyes because the love of his life is right here and right now but not the one whose hand he’s holding now. He swallows down the sob, feeling pathetic because this woman gave him his life and his love and Jimin loves her so much it hurts him sometimes.

But she’ll never be the love of his life, and it’s something that he’ll remember forever.

He’s the first to say 'I do.’ and he does say it, smiling wide with heart beating wildly in his chest. It was all in this past and he’s finally stepping into the future.

'Oh God.’ Jennie wipes at her eyes, her tear-stained cheeks glistening in the light of the crackling fire. 'Wow, you’re such a good storyteller. I literally couldn’t stop crying.’ Jennie giggles a bit when Jungkook presses her even closer against his side. He started stroking at her arm some time ago but she doesn’t seem to notice at all.

'The best.’ Taehyung agrees, lifting a glass of martini to his lips. There’s a delicate smile on his lips pressed against the rim of the glass.

'I feel sorry for Seulgi though. Kind of? I hope Jimin just finally forgot about Hoseok and loved her to the end. I think Hoseok just left after the ceremony and, I mean, they weren’t meant to be anyway? Though I thought you were going to bring them back together somehow, I really loved their story.’ Jennie continued with Jungkook still stroking her side.

'Well…’ Jungkook starts popping one of the marshmallows inside his mouth.

'What? Am I wrong?’ Jennie looks up confused then back at Taehyung and Jungkook’s grandfather, both of them looking at each other with a smile. Jungkook’s grandfather laughs quietly and there’s something nostalgic about it. Jennie watches him suspiciously.

'Oh God, they are real, right?’ She points an accusing finger towards the older men with wide eyes. 'You know them.’

'Of course.’ Taehyung laughs happily and Jungkook’s grandpa nods in agreement. Jennie turns to Jungkook but the boy just smiles with his eyes almost closed.

'Oh, my. So what’s the end of the story? What happened? You can’t leave me hanging like that.’ Jennie whines hitting Jungkook continuously.

'Pops, please. She’s going to kill me.’ Jungkook cackles trying to catch Jennie’s abusive fists.

'Well-.’

'Mickey!’ Taehyung exclaims making everybody turn to the small puppy running towards them, barking happily until it jumps onto the man’s lap. Jennie watches curiously how the dog licks furiously at Taehyung’s face but then catches sight of Jungkook’s grandpa. He watches the dog with adoration on his unbelievably young-looking face, the wrinkles around his eyes showing up. Then from the darkness emerges a person Jennie sees for the first time, the silhouette moving closer until they stand right behind Jungkook’s grandfather. Two slender hands, just a bit wrinkled make their way onto his shoulders and then the rest of the person comes to a sight. Jennie gasps in Jungkook’s embrace.

'Welcome home, Hoseok.’ Jungkook’s grandfather says softly, head turning to the side to snuggle into one of the open palms. There’s no mistake with the fiery orange hair and handsome face.

'It was you.’ Jennie breathes out and Jungkook’s father- Jimin it turns out, smiles at her brightly.

'I guess.’ He shrugs his shoulders and Jennie opens her mouth in awe.

'And who would be that beautiful lady?’ The other man, Hoseok, asks already walking towards her and Jungkook. She’s so shocked she forgets to stand up but Hoseok just kneels on one knee taking her skinny hand in his planting a kiss just like Jimin did on the first day.

'I’m so sorry, my name is Jennie and I’m Jungkook’s friend.’ She rushes to move but he presses a palm onto her shoulder.

'Nice to meet you. I’m Hoseok, and this little shit right here is my grandson.’ He ruffles Jungkook’s hair playfully. If I knew you were going to visit, I would visit Yoongi some other time you brat.’

'Sorry grampy.’ Jungkook smiles cutely, his bunny teeth showing and soon both Jimin and Hoseok are cooing and calling him Bunny Boo which Jennie finds enormously endearing.

'Wait!’ She interrupts their little reunion, instantly going red when they turn to look at her. 'I’m sorry, oh my god, so it was you all this time but how? I thought you said yes?’ Jennie presses further not really getting what’s going on. 'What about Seulgi?’ Hoseok sits down next to Jimin with a smile on his face, immediately joining their fingers together and planting a soft kiss against his blonde hair. Like this, they really look like teenagers they once were, in love and so content. Jimin closes his eyes laughing.

'She said no, obviously.’

'Jungkook?’ Jennie calls out as she watches from the window of her bedroom Jungkook’s grandparents cuddle on the wooden swing in the light of candles hanging from the branches of the huge chestnut tree.

'Your mother, how did they-.’

'They adopted her when she was 6. She quickly got pregnant with me but my father is the best man in the world and they were the happiest when I was born.’ He answers softly, thinking about his parents and promising himself to visit them as soon as possible. He looks at Jennie hugging herself in front of the window. He sits down on her bed.

'You know,’ he starts, 'when grandpa Hoseok left, grandpa Jimin told me he felt like his life was taken out of him that day. He thought it would be easy to move on, that it was just a puppy love. He didn’t cry that day but cried every next one until he met auntie Seulgi.’

'Auntie?’ Jennie turns around.

'Yeah, they’re still in contact. She’s great. And really beautiful. She got married and has a big family. She’s happy even though she was really heartbroken then. But she was also too kind and understanding.’ Jennie sits down next to him, leaning her head against his shoulder. 'My point is, not everything is the end of the world. Grandpa Jimin said he never knew he wasn’t really happy until he had grandpa Hoseok in his arms again. And now I am telling you, that someday everything will be fine. You’ll be happy again, Jennie.’ Jungkook takes her hand and squeezes.

'I know.’ Jennie squeezes back leaning more into Jungkook. 'Of course, I will.’ She closes her eyes letting Jungkook embrace her fully. They sit like this for some time, enjoying the warmth between them. Outside, Serendipity, another Jungkook’s favorite old song, plays from the small speaker installed in the swing and he doesn’t need to see to know that his grandparents are dancing slowly in the fading light of the candles, whispering and sharing warmth as well. He hears grandpa Jimin giggle softly and knows that grandpa Hoseok said either something stupid or nasty. He’ll never know.

He strokes Jennie’s arm.

'Let’s say I would like to take you out for a date. What do you say?’ He asks casually and Jennie snorts into his hoodie.

'I would say yes.’ Jungkook smiles in the darkness.

'So you think I am manly handsome.’

'I guess.’ She shrugs her shoulders and they both laugh hugging each other for the rest of the night.

'And you, Seulgi, do you take Park Jimin, to be your husband? Do you pledge to share your life openly with him and to speak the truth to him in love?’ The priest turns to Seulgi, gentle smile on his wrinkled face as he waits for her to answer. Jimin squeezes her hands, pushing Hoseok to the back of his head as he looks in the eyes of his fiance. She opens her mouth, smiling through the tears and her lips are finally moving, but Jimin doesn’t hear anymore. He hears gasps, feels himself gasping as well and watches Seulgi dumbly. Time stopped for him.

'W-what?’ He croaks out, stuttering as she presses her lips together. She remains silent for a moment then clears her throat before speaking loudly and clearly. One of her soft hands come up to cup Jimin’s cheek, stroking the skin lovingly.

'I love you, Jimin. And I know you love me, too. So much. I wish I could be your wife and have your children and that we could be happy together. Forever.’

'Baby-.’

'But you and I know that sometimes love isn’t enough. You love me, but I’ll always be just someone you love, not someone who is your life.’ A few more tears slide down her cheeks, but she doesn’t move to wipe them away.

'What are you saying?’ Jimin frowns but in the back of his head, the nagging voice nods furiously, absorbing every word and engraving into his body.

'I’ll never be the love of your life. I’ll never be him.’ She presses her forehead against Jimin’s temple as she turns his head to the side. He can barely see through the tears but the bright spot, that fiery spot is still there and as he blinks to get his vision clear, he notices Hoseok’s wet cheeks and pleading eyes.

'I-.’

'I’ll take care of everyone.’ She whispers into his ear, like a snake, like she tries to persuade him to sin. 'I love you, Jimin. But you would make the biggest mistake of your life marrying me.’

'Stop, we can fix this.’ Jimin tries to face her, but she keeps his head in place. 'How can you even know what I feel?’

'I don’t have to.’ She shakes her head. 'Knowing what he feels is enough. You looking at him after all these years is enough. I’m not stupid.’ She giggles but it’s low and raspy and Jimin sobs as she pushes him gently down the aisle.

'Seulgi-,’

'Go away, Jimin.’ She smiles waving her bouquet at him before throwing it almost hitting him in the face. 'Go to him and never let him go again. Promise me.’

Jimin keeps looking at her stubbornly but hesitates. Everybody watches him, his every move. Nobody says a thing. Women are standing with hands pressed together; men are keeping their breaths in. Seulgi suddenly lifts her eyes and nods at someone. Jimin spins around to face Hoseok who’s mouthing 'thank you’.

His head starts to hurt; everything becomes too much for him to bear but then Hoseok is catching him by the hand, and nothing around them matters anymore.

'You’re my whole world, Jimin.’ His voice is exactly the same, his lips are exactly the same, and everything is so familiar about him- 'Nothing changed. I’m sorry for leaving, for leaving you, for not trying to find a better solution. I let you go, and only today I fully realized I could completely lose you. And I can’t afford that.’ Jimin feels the tears on his cheeks as he stares into Hoseok’s eyes as if there were answers to all the questions in them as if there were galaxies or the key to immortality. But there’s only pure love in them and galaxies can go fuck yourself as long as Jimin can have that love forever. 'I love you.’

'I love you too.’ Jimin breathes out immediately surprising even himself.

He turns one last time, to his parents, to his friends, and finally, to Seulgi. She’s doing a great job of keeping her tears at bay, and she’s smiling this lovely smile, the one that cured every one of Jimin’s worries and he thanks her, soundlessly, before he leaves with Hoseok’s hand in his.

He can hear people talking, asking Seulgi if everything’s okay when clearly, nothing is. He feels terrible. He always will.

'Hoseok.’ He stops at the side of an empty road, feeling like everything is going to crash upon him any moment now. He reaches with a shaky hand to shove at his shoulder. 'Hoseok you shitty-.’ But he never gets to finish, never gets to yell at him, never gets to do anything except for kissing, no, drinking his soul back from Hoseok’s lips. After all these years, he finally understood the difference between his love for Seulgi and for Hoseok.

She was warmth. She was lazy flicks of flames on his skin in the morning while Hoseok was a raging fire in the middle of the night, taking over him in seconds and leaving him in ashes before he could even react.

'It’ll be a good story one day, you know?’ Hoseok pulls away, breathing harder than before and looking more alive than through the whole ceremony. He holds Jimin’s wrists in his hands like he could just run away if he didn’t. Jimin waits for his own breathing to calm down, counting from ten to one before crashing against Hoseok’s chest with a sob.

'Let’s go somewhere. Please.’ He asks with face pressed into the crook of Hoseok’s neck, inhaling deeply. He needs to think about everything, needs to fix some things and he certainly needs Hoseok to help him right now.

In the rear mirror of Hoseok’s car, he sees Seulgi getting into a taxi and taking off in the opposite direction.

'Jimin?’ He watches the window silently but lets Hoseok intertwine their fingers together.

'Hm?’

'Everything will be fine.’ And the way he says it makes Jimin smile. He shrugs turning to Hoseok. He places a long kiss on his neck, staying there and inhaling him.

'I guess. You’re here now.’

Nancy & Rio

Nancy: Were you really not gonna tell me? 'Cause newsflash, if you were waiting for Buster to grow a pair and do it Nancy: Obviously that wasn't going to and didn't happen, like Rio: It's not just you, I wasn't going to tell anyone Rio: I didn't Nancy: Okay Nancy: Glad to know it wasn't just me Nancy: But you could've said something when they all started finding out and not leave June to break it to me thinking I already knew Nancy: The level of awkward Rio: I'm sorry, Nance Rio: I should've thought Rio: it kinda just happened Nancy: That's my twin brother and I'm the last to know Nancy: You know? Rio: You so aren't Rio: know news is traveling fast but Rio: I don't know, I am sorry Rio: Probably could've done this better Nancy: Anyway its not about me Nancy: So not the point Rio: Yeah but it ain't my intention to make you feel shit with it Rio: or his Nancy: He clearly had no intention either way Nancy: It's actually comforting though, amid this whole personality transplant he's having, he's still able to be a prick Rio: I mean, take what you can get, babe Nancy: I'm sorry but this is Nancy: He's old enough to get married but not mature enough to talk to anyone about it Rio: To be clear, we aren't getting married Nancy: What do you mean? Nancy: You are Rio: I mean Rio: not right now Rio: not for ages, it's not like we've got plans Rio: we would've said then, would've had to Nancy: Then what are you doing? Nancy: Why do you need a ring that costs enough to give my mum and dad a heart attack, right now? Rio: Because we want to Rio: there's no way to say that that doesn't sound bratty but you know what I mean Nancy: Not that long ago he wanted to go to America Nancy: I'm not even trying to sound like a bitch but if I do then it's 'cause I don't understand Rio: I've not said he can't Rio: he's still applied Nancy: I'm not saying that only Nancy: How do you know what he wants? Nancy: I know what it's like to get carried away, like Rio: I know Rio: but this hasn't just come out of nowhere, remember Nancy: It seems like he has to keep upping the stakes, everyone's okay with you being together so he has to take it further Rio: I don't think he wants the fight Rio: like you said, he doesn't even wanna talk Nancy: He says he doesn't, but then does everything he can to have it brought to him Nancy: He's always done it Rio: I don't know what to say Rio: I really don't think he's gonna take it that far, like Nancy: Well, I wouldn't have said so either but it's one drama after another with him lately Rio: There's nothing I can say to convince you, and I'm not going to Rio: but I know he loves me Nancy: I know he loves you too Nancy: But you have to admit, it's intense, right? Rio: Yeah Rio: It definitely is Rio: it always has been Nancy: Are you sure he can handle this? Rio: How do you mean? Nancy: He's always kept everyone at arms length Nancy: Slept with different girls all the time Nancy: Not that long ago Nancy: Has he really changed that much? Rio: I think so, but sure, I can't say so for certain Rio: but it's only me who has to take that chance and trust him Rio: you know Rio: if he hasn't then that's that Nancy: Aren't you freaked out? Nancy: He's already cheated on you, okay not in a cut and dry way 'cause we all know what Chloe is like and what she did but still Nancy: You said yes to forever Nancy: That's Rio: Like you said, not that cut and dry Rio: It was all such a mess idk if we were even together together Rio: it still hurt but Rio: I'm just trying to move on from all that shit Nancy: Yeah Nancy: Sorry for bringing it up Nancy: I'm just Nancy: I'm freaked out if you're not Rio: Nah, it happened Rio: I can't explain how I know Rio: I just do Rio: Maybe it's stupid but it still is Nancy: I don't think either of you are stupid Nancy: Impatient, maybe Nancy: But you're not alone in that, like Nancy: Everything's moving so fast with everyone and I can't remember how to relax anymore Rio: Yeah Rio: It is mental Rio: but this is one of the only things that doesn't make me feel like that Rio: that's what it is, that's how I know Nancy: I can tell its the same for him Nancy: Even if he won't talk to me, I still know Rio: I can make him but you know how well that'll go down Rio: Not got those kind of powers yet, like Nancy: Mum's beat me to the ambush and I can imagine how that went Nancy: I'm not trying to do it Rio: Either really bad or really well 'cos my phones not being blown up so Nancy: Not to be a bitch again, but option 1 is way more likely Rio: Yeah Rio: Reckon your Mum hates me as much as Ro does yet or Nancy: Of course not Nancy: Ro only hates you 'cause she hates herself so much there's no more space there Nancy: My mum would never Rio: Good to know Rio: Self-esteem saving the day yet again Nancy: Not to say she's buying a hat and shoes yet Nancy: But you'll be okay at the next family function Nancy: Mum's mad at Buster not you, and same Rio: What a fashion faux pas that'd be Rio: Make a joke about hiding the bump better than the ring but even I'm not ready for that gag yet Rio: He really is trying, not that I'm going to law school to be his advocate but Nancy: You're getting married before Ro, we're all thrilled about that much, babe Nancy: He's trying my patience, but what's new there? Nancy: We're all trying as hard as we can right now Nancy: It'd be nice if he acted like he gave a fuck about anything besides you and him but Nancy: Just do me a favour and don't have a baby until I'm out of the country, yeah? Rio: Has Drew made an appearance since? Rio: and you've got it Nancy: No Nancy: Even he's not that much of an idiot Rio: Just checking Rio: Don't want 'em sneaking in ahead, like Nancy: If you think my mum is anti your vows she's next level about theirs, don't worry Rio: Ain't we all Rio: Not just 'cos I wanna ride him myself, naturally Nancy: Don't Nancy: So gross Nancy: If that can be the one thing that unites us I'm fine with it Rio: You fancy him too? Rio: Know he's pretty but um Nancy: Oh my god Nancy: Not what I meant Rio: 😂 Rio: Awks, surprised he ain't aiming for the full set Nancy: I'm sure he is Nancy: Happy to disappoint and destroy the myth that he's even pretty Rio: Gasp Rio: Nance, it's all he's got Nancy: Unlucky Rio: Heartless Nancy: Rule 1 of man hating lesbianism, like Rio: I been to the clubs, I basically got the jacket Nancy: You got all the phone numbers too, don't rub it in Nancy: You're already coupled up before me Rio: I didn't get off with anyone 😏 Nancy: Only 'cause you're disgustingly in love with my brother Nancy: You easily could've Rio: Shh Rio: Number one player right there Nancy: Please don't get all boring and domestic Nancy: I need to go out like yesterday Nancy: School is killing me Rio: I don't reckon that's very likely Rio: I do need to ask about and get my name back out so Rio: come with for the crawl, like Nancy: Definitely Nancy: When? Rio: Whenever you can Rio: I was gonna go tonight but gonna take more than one Nancy: I can do tonight Nancy: I need to Rio: Sorted then Rio: Just don't tell your Ma Nancy: She's too busy on labour watch to notice what I do Nancy: Not pregnant or engaged so I'm slipping through the cracks Rio: Aw babe Rio: let's avoid a sister scandal still Rio: Doesn't make the night go with a swing Nancy: Just how hetero is this club if you feel like either outcome is likely for me tonight? Rio: Just 'cos I'm coming for your gayness by getting engaged in a blink of an eye, don't be salty Nancy: Please Nancy: I'm never getting married Nancy: You do you but it's not for me Nancy: I'll keep the cat stereotype Rio: Just saying Rio: you know you could end up wifey'd and ma'd as easy in the gay club Rio: progress, baby Nancy: I could, but I won't Nancy: If I can get through this school year I'll be that career driven bitch Nancy: Glass ceilings to still break, you know Rio: 'Course Nancy: I know you're devastated, babe Nancy: I still love you though Rio: 😂 Rio: How'd you know? Nancy: Settling for the other twin, textbook Rio: That'll be it Rio: Try not to be too smug when you do chat to him, yeah? Nancy: I'll leave that to him Nancy: He does it so much better Rio: Nothing smugger than the higher ground Rio: Sneaky, babe Nancy: You can have that one as a freebie for your married life Rio: 😏 Rio: Still owe me a gift Rio: know you're good for it, McKenna Nancy: Maybe the gift is me tonight, hmm? Rio: Steady Rio: We can't keep doing this Nancy: I know, I know you can't handle me Nancy: I've heard it all before Rio: You heard what they say about redheads too, yeah? Nancy: Absolutely Rio: 😂 Rio: Guess we've said all we need to say then babe Nancy: You haven't told me how high up the bridesmaid rankings I am yet though Rio: You mean you ain't after that best man spot? Nancy: Can't seduce my way up that list Nancy: Also sure that he'd rather die than have me do anything like that for him Nancy: Especially 'cause I'd look better in a suit Rio: Who else would he ask? Rio: Picking the best of his current friends is the best of a bad bunch, like Nancy: You've got more than enough brothers to choose from Rio: Nah Rio: Like you said, kept his distance, who are they to him really, like Nancy: Okay but if you aren't getting married soon who knows what bromances he might form Rio: Who knows how much you'll be twinning Nancy: Gross Rio: You love it Nancy: You do Nancy: I saw you matching him on his feed Nancy: You're such a lesbian now, I can't Rio: Shut up 😖 Rio: we looked 🔥 Nancy: Yeah but it was so gay Rio: I feel hatecrimed Nancy: If you tell me you wanna match me tonight I'm not coming Nancy: Like I am, 'cause I need to, but Nancy: No Rio: 😒 Rio: this is why we're breaking up Nancy: Oh my god Nancy: You could've at least let me break up with you first Nancy: You know how stressed I am Rio: Now you can let off steam with some club hoe Rio: YOU'RE WELCOME Nancy: Now I'll be crying in the club and you'll have to deal with that Rio: Can't keep up with what you want, babe, honestly Nancy: Lesbian 101 Nancy: You never will Nancy: I actually might let off some steam if there's an option though, does that work? Rio: Sounds exhausting Rio: Ooh lala Rio: little TMI but I'm down Nancy: It's a serious question Nancy: Not a proposition for you Rio: Umm, are you asking permission or like Rio: if fucking helps you forget your problems? Nancy: I don't need your permission, we're not engaged, sorry about it Rio: The latter then? Rio: I mean, it's distraction, good as any but it's not fixing anything, like Nancy: If it works as a distraction, I'll try it Nancy: Spoken like I could remotely pull that off after having one girlfriend, okay Rio: Did you Rio: you know Rio: don't have to answer that fully tell me to shut up if you're feeling it Nancy: Yeah but I kind of had my mind elsewhere so I can't really draw on that for much inspiration Rio: Yeah Rio: I wouldn't reccomend going back to old inspiration Rio: goes without saying but that's not gonna help anything Nancy: You're telling me Nancy: Not how I thought my first relationship was gonna go Rio: Cheer up Rio: plenty got you beat Nancy: Is that meant to be comforting? Thanks Rio: Yeah Rio: least you got to be the cunt Rio: feminism, init Rio: the rest of us stuck with our sob stories here, Indie just the latest in line Nancy: I'd rather she hurt me, that's how I deserved for it to go Nancy: As if Buster gets an engagement and I get this Nancy: Such a prick Rio: Well she didn't so you don't get to mope, babe Rio: Come on Rio: Sort it out Nancy: You sound like my mum Nancy: Don't do that around him Rio: Well there's no need for that kinda slander Rio: Might be into it, but I know I can't freak you out with Freud like I did Inds so Nancy: Nothing an old white man has to say about anything is worth listening to Nancy: Even Indie knows that Rio: Harsh Rio: I like him, he knew how to party Nancy: I already know you like old white men, babe Nancy: You can't freak me out with that either Rio: 😂 Rio: Straight up savagery Nancy: Gay culture Nancy: Do I download an app or leave it up to the Gods and fates to decide if I fuck away my stresses? Rio: *Stolen straight from black culture so I trump you bitch Rio: Hmm Rio: Have you lot got a decent app of your own yet Rio: it's easier to swipe away dudes IRL than it is on a screen Nancy: Decent is a stretch Nancy: but yeah, I've swiped away my share of men in the club and out Nancy: Gross Rio: I say leave it then Rio: Plus I know you shy types, you'll front too hard on the socials and feel like dying when the time comes Rio: best to keep all your impressions in person Nancy: I feel so attacked Rio: As you should, direct callout, like Rio: got no time to chill Nancy: Fine Nancy: Acknowledged and accepted Rio: 😘 Love ya bitch Nancy: I'm glad he's not going to America if it means you're not Nancy: Like, I don't know how far away I'll be anyway but still Rio: I know you're hurting rn Rio: but please Nancy: What? Rio: Where you not insinuating you don't even wanna live in the same country as me? Nancy: I'm saying I do want to, not that I know what country I'll be in Nancy: But the way my classes are going I could be stuck here Rio: Ahh, with ya Rio: You cutie Rio: There's no way Rio: even with this bullshit Rio: it's all about your portfolio really yeah Rio: and nothing's fucking with that Nancy: It's just that nobody tells you that when you want to fuck your teacher and it fucks her over none of the other staff are that willing to help you Nancy: She used to help me, you know Nancy: And I can't like hey sorry but can you just help my dyslexic brain figure this essay out please even though you hate me now Rio: Surely there's someone else in that shithole who can Rio: Like, they don't have to be buzzin' about you but Rio: just unprofessional Nancy: I started it Rio: You're a student Rio: in their care, regardless Rio: also hardly the first who wanted to pipe a teacher, like Nancy: I don't know, all I know is everything takes so much longer now and I can't ask mum to help me until this baby comes out Nancy: So we're going out and I'm forgetting that school's a thing Rio: Sure I can't tempt you with a study sesh to go with the pre-drinks, like Rio: may as well, I've got fuck all to do 'til I get a day job again Nancy: You're not married in yet Nancy: You don't have to help me Rio: Come on Rio: Swear, I'm not that thick Nancy: Shhh Nancy: You're smarter than me that's my problem with it Nancy: You think my brother is the only one with an ego? Rio: Babe, please Rio: I'll just help get the shit sorted in your head, I ain't doing it for you Rio: left for a reason Nancy: I mean, if you wanna do it, I'll take the A Nancy: I need all the help I can get Nancy: Especially in Irish, obviously Rio: Don't push it, like Nancy: Come on, homewrecking doesn't end in good homework scores Nancy: Who knew? Rio: Ba mise an dalta ab fhearr liom ach Nancy: You lost me, see this is what I'm saying, I'm gonna fail and then have to go into my uni interviews like well.... Rio: Okay, okay drop the ego at the door and I'll help you out Nancy: You think I'm joking but I've seriously only studied with Buster before I moved schools and my mum since, when she's around Nancy: I wish I could call it ego Rio: Look, I know I can't talk you outta whatever block it is but seriously Rio: no judgment Rio: and none of the others would either Nancy: I know but like, Junior's so smart Nancy: Not saying you aren't, but you left so I don't have to know it everyday, do I Rio: There's different kinds of smart Rio: not to be that after-school special but seriously Rio: you're good at what you want to do Rio: and you'll find a way to make that happen Nancy: I know realistically that you're right but whenever I want to ask someone to help me I just remember what all those fucking girls made me feel like Nancy: About everything Rio: I know Rio: Cunts Nancy: I do need it though Nancy: Help, I mean Nancy: So if you're serious Rio: 'Course Rio: It's no thing, honest Rio: I'll come to you? 'Cos like fuck are you concentrating better here Nancy: Too true Nancy: Okay Nancy: I'll make us food Rio: 👍 Rio: and you say you ain't wifey material Nancy: Oh no, I know they'd be lucky to have me, babe Rio: 😏 More like it Rio: but remember, not why we going out, yeah Nancy: It's all just part of my masterplan to see the engagement ring, don't worry Nancy: There's nothing more important than judging every choice my brother makes Rio: Don't have him taking all the credit like I didn't help Nancy: Lord, imagine Nancy: I've seen so many horror stories Nancy: That straight girl suffering Rio: They love it Rio: First test for hubz to fail so you can cackle with your girls Nancy: They hate men more than I do and that's the truth Nancy: I see you with your separate living rooms Rio: Mhmm Rio: you'd understand if you liked 'em babe Nancy: No thanks Nancy: I refuse to believe the sex is good enough to put up with everything else Nancy: I've heard enough straight girls talk to know it isn't Nancy: Do better, all of you Rio: 😏 Nancy: Don't Nancy: I know what you're thinking and I don't want to hear it Rio: That's why I didn't say anything! Nancy: That emoji speaks for you Nancy: Loudly! Rio: Well, I can't lie Nancy: Disgusting Rio: Moving on Nancy: Thank god I moved before I had to hear that many girls swooning over him Nancy: Just have to deal with you instead Rio: First of all Rio: I'm not swooning Nancy: Sure Nancy: And second of all? Rio: Shut up Nancy: Mean Rio: Deal with it Nancy: Stop hate criming me oh my god Rio: 😂 Rio: The girl who cried hate crime Nancy: The title of my autobiography or no? Rio: Defs a work in progress but don't hate it Nancy: If nothing else the photos will sell it Rio: I know how you meant that and yet Rio: centrefold yo Nancy: Lord Nancy: Go to church please Rio: It sells Rio: we all know it Nancy: If the girl looks like you, sure Nancy: But you're not getting that promo in my autobiography so Rio: Shh Rio: working on my manners but the sentiment's the same Nancy: It's not rude to admit how pretty you are Nancy: You're fine Rio: 🙄 Rio: Such a flirt Nancy: You wish Nancy: You're stuck with my brother now, I'm not saving you Rio: Oh well Rio: that's that then Nancy: Yeah Nancy: Heartbreaking but Rio: Don't break out into a rendition of I Will Survive yet Nancy: I'll save it for the club Nancy: Promise Rio: It is a tune Rio: I'll pick a nice love song to piss you off Nancy: There she goes again with her hate crimes Nancy: So mean Rio: You know Rio: if loving your brother is a crime 😜 Nancy: That was actually the gayest thing you've ever said Rio: I know right Rio: really leaning into this Nancy: Am I proud or am I horrified? Hmm Rio: So proud Rio: Gonna make a speech at the wedding Nancy: If you mean get drunk and call Buster out then yeah Nancy: Of course I will Rio: Please don't ruin my pretend wedding Rio: the drama, this family has had enough Nancy: What do you actually want as an engagement gift though? Nancy: You've caught me unawares and I'm offended Rio: We don't need anything Rio: just get the first round, like Nancy: Did I say need or did I say want Rio: Did I not say a round Rio: you can IOU his Nancy: Fine Rio: Don't be grumpy Rio: So like him Nancy: OH MY GOD Nancy: Is that any way to change my mood? Rio: Facts are facts babe Nancy: Stop it Nancy: I'm pouting 'cause I wanna shop that's not like him at all Nancy: You know he'd just buy it Rio: Yeah he gets so mad when I won't let him splash the cash Nancy: Gross Rio: Mhmm Nancy: Why are you marrying this manchild? Rio: You know you don't wanna hear really Nancy: You don't have to marry him for that Nancy: None of us are religious Nancy: He's slept with girls for so much less Rio: No, I mean Rio: You'd just gross at any reasoning beyond that too Nancy: I know you love him Nancy: We've had that conversation Nancy: My memory's not that bad Rio: Are you drunk already? Nancy: I wish Nancy: But we have to study, right? Rio: Yeah, I can deal with dyslexia but not drunkness, thank you Rio: also omw btw Nancy: I think it's better when I drink Nancy: Like it cancels out Rio: Interesting Rio: still Rio: wait bitch Nancy: I'm not saying we test it now Nancy: I'm just saying test me later compared to now Nancy: Or something Rio: Whips out homework in the club Nancy: I meant my brain in general but whatever you're into, babe Rio: 😂 Rio: You gon be too busy Rio: remember Nancy: Fighting off straight men, sure Rio: Life and times of a mega babe Nancy: Femme struggles Nancy: Woe's me Rio: Poor baby Nancy: But if there are any cute girls there who happen to also be into me then yeah to fucking away my problems, obviously Rio: 😳 Damn okay Nancy: You know how I flirt so you know your blushes are gonna be spared Nancy: You've got more chance than me Rio: You'll be fine Rio: Your Ma ain't about is she Rio: fully avoiding Nancy: She's done her drop in for the day so you're safe Nancy: You don't need to avoid her though, just use the diamond glare like a torch Rio: Bear that in mind Rio: but I'm glad it's safe to come in Rio: get ready to train that brain Nancy: You're really selling it Nancy: Thanks Nancy: We can drink when I'm done, yeah? Rio: Well any jokes about being your sexy tutor are kinda off limits no Rio: Doing my best with what you've left, like Rio: and duh Nancy: Don't this is literally never gonna blow over and be okay, is it? Like Nancy: Excuse me while I move countries again Rio: Oh babe Rio: it will Nancy: If that was true it'd be old news by now, wouldn't it? Rio: Full offense but no one thinks about it as much as you do anymore Rio: it's just part of the craic, like who's fingered who and all that shite Nancy: Ouch Rio: It's gotta be said Nancy: Okay Nancy: Like it did really but you've said it now Rio: I'm sorry Nancy: How did you get engaged and we're still talking about me? Nancy: That's gay culture Rio: 😂 Rio: I like to think if it wasn't to your brother you'd be more receptive but you know Rio: maybe I'm giving too much credit Nancy: Rude Nancy: I want you be happy I'm not that much of a bitter lesbian Rio: I know bitch Nancy: You better know that Rio: Of course I do Rio: it's not that deep, I swear Nancy: You're only getting married, it's not that deep Nancy: You're funny Rio: Oh my god Rio: stop saying it like that Nancy: I'm sorry Nancy: But I can't believe this is something that's happening Rio: You've got plenty of time to get used to it Rio: not like it's happening in the morning, like Nancy: Thank god 'cause I am not having a good skin day Nancy: Club lighting is one thing but wedding photos are another Rio: Nothing but lowlighting I swear Rio: Plus I probably have to go on some mental diet right Nancy: Um NO Rio: Okay, wasn't about to go bridezilla and put all of y'all on it too or else Nancy: If you put yourself on it, I'd kill you, Buster would kill you, my mum would kill you Nancy: We'd all kill you Rio: The family that slays together Nancy: Exactly Nancy: Stop trying to make me give you big gay compliments about how pretty you are Rio: Soz, I'm just SO about it obvs Nancy: Who isn't? With MY track record Rio: Gotta keep everyone on their toes Rio: like you thought you knew our type Nancy: Jesus, I don't even know my own type Nancy: Good luck everyone Rio: We keep it entertaining if nothing else Nancy: One word for it Nancy: I'll just happily accept you and Buster keeping the heat off me with mum for as long as it keeps happening Nancy: Gathering up my free passes to be a messy bitch thank you Rio: Ringing endorsement Rio: You're welcome and cheers Nancy: I can be nice or I can be honest Rio: Why not both Nancy: When they overlap, of course Nancy: Doesn't happen often where my brother is concerned though Rio: 😏 I tried Nancy: You know he's only nice to you, right? Rio: Slight exaggeration Nancy: Barely an exaggeration Rio: Well Rio: I know he tries Nancy: I understand that you love him and you wanna see the best in him but I love him too and that doesn't matter like it should Nancy: Not to him anyway Rio: It does Rio: I know I've not got anything to back that up with but trust me Nancy: Where's he in this conversation? It's just me and you Nancy: And I came to London 'cause I asked you, he didn't invite me Nancy: He never would Rio: I know Rio: he just, does things differently Rio: he thinks that's how you want it Rio: and it's been like that so long, I don't know if he knows how to do different at this point Rio: not yet, anyway Nancy: Things are how he wants them 'cause I burned him years ago by leaving somewhere I literally couldn't be anymore Nancy: And he can't let it go 'cause he'll never talk to me about it Rio: It's not like it's an easy thing to talk about Rio: especially when he did a lot of things he regrets Rio: I get the frustration but it's not easy being the one who has to come on bended knee Nancy: Yeah, he did those things he regrets to me Rio: I know Rio: and so does he Rio: That's what I'm saying Rio: You get it, there's no ego to be salvaged Nancy: I wish he cared a little less about his ego then Rio: It ain't that simple Nancy: Nothing is when he's in the centre of it Rio: What happened happened Rio: There's too much water under the bridge to solve with a simple sorry no Nancy: I don't want sorry, just not to be shut out about everything that's going on with him all the time Nancy: Forget it. It's not like that for you, you don't need to understand how it is for me, like Rio: Well, no Rio: it's a two-way street Rio: he knows as little about you, it takes both of you to keep it like this Nancy: I came to London, I tried, even though he obviously didn't want me there Rio: So that's it, you're good? Nancy: Excuse you, I've been putting the work in since Nancy: He's put the shutters down over this 'cause mum's on the warpath and he can't handle any criticism Nancy: But it's not like I wasn't getting one word answers before then Rio: Whatever, this is ridiculous Rio: I'm not trying to be the go-between for either of you Nancy: Tell him to talk to me then Nancy: He actually listens to you Rio: Why can't you? Rio: You ask where he is but you're in my inbox acting like you expected him to be here Nancy: Please Nancy: I thought things were getting better for a second after the Chloe situation but here we are again, back to square one Nancy: I'm not there 'cause I'm not looking for a fight Nancy: And that's all he wants from any of us about this, for whatever reason Rio: Because he's been making changes since the Chloe situation and has got no positive feedback from that Rio: All he wants is acknowledgment of that Nancy: I know he's doing better but I don't know how to tell him that without sounding like a patronising bitch Rio: I'm not saying it's easy, or even that you have to Rio: but the defensive is his default for a reason and it isn't just that he's a cunt Rio: I'm not having that Nancy: When did it get so hard for us to talk to each other? Nancy: I used to tell him everything and vice versa Rio: I don't know Rio: Maybe it's growing up because even Indie doesn't come to me like she used to Nancy: Everything's so weird Nancy: I hate it Nancy: I'm genuinely glad he's got you, I used to get so worried about him having nobody to talk to Rio: Me too Rio: Yeah, he needs better people around him Rio: I think Uni, wherever he goes, will help Nancy: Yeah Nancy: Where we are in London is like a different world and not in a good way Rio: May can't come soon enough Rio: I am worried what he's going to do 'til then Rio: maybe I can go back and forth but I promised I'd be here Rio: I don't know Nancy: It's not just him, I was a different person there too, more shut off Nancy: It's what you have to do Nancy: He'll come here though, who wouldn't like it better? It's like taking a breath Nancy: Cliche but true Rio: Yeah Rio: It's not good for you though, I mean, you know Rio: you couldn't do it any longer than you had to Nancy: I really do know. I swear I felt too much here for too long 'cause I didn't let myself feel anything there Nancy: And look what happened Nancy: At least none of his teachers are hot, one crisis averted Rio: I mean, Chloe is hardly bangin' but you know Nancy: Therapists don't @ me or my brother, thanks Rio: Your funds, they'll be lining up babe Nancy: Right? I could pay to put their kids through uni before I go Rio: Truly Nancy: Rich kid problems Nancy: I'm aware how I sound Rio: You don't sound any type of way Rio: I'm sorry I had to be a bitch there Nancy: You're not Nancy: I shouldn't put you in the middle, I don't want to but Rio: I know, kind of inevitable Nancy: Tell me shut up next time, like Rio: You got it Nancy: Or you know, do that straight girl thing of 'but I love him' in response to anything and everything Rio: Please Rio: never get you off your soapbox then Nancy: I mean, if you did it enough I'd just die so Nancy: Not that I'm dramatic Rio: 'Course Nancy: Thanks for not pointing out how dramatic he also is Nancy: I could feel you resisting Rio: You know, enough home truths for one convo Rio: Plus I'm here so like, need you to still want me to come in Nancy: Who's more dramatic though, me or him? Nancy: Don't just say him 'cause you don't want me to fight you Nancy: Real question Rio: Hmm Rio: I don't know Rio: you're dramatic in different ways Rio: so diplomatic, I know Nancy: Such a non answer but you can come in anyway Nancy: Hold on Rio: 👍