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medusapelagia · 20 days

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Learning to Love 1

(Part 1, Part 2...)

This fic was supposed to be a pinch but in the end wasn't needed anymore so it collected dust in my Scrivener’s file for a few months. A HUGE thank you to @mystrade-lecroft that was my beta ages ago!

Rating: Mature Relationship: Steve /Billy Tags: enemies to lovers, no upside down Words: 1117

Billy hasn't talked to Steve since the fight they had at Byers’ house, when he found his little step-sister alone in a stranger's house with the other two boys and Harrington.

There was a reason they were all there. Lucas and Max had gone on a little nerd date and the kid's bicycle got a flat tire so he called his best friend, Dustin, who called his best friend, Harrington, who picked them up with his car and drove them to the Byers’ to fix the bicycle.

Billy knows Max and he knows she may have gone with Lucas even if she was grounded just to piss him off, but his father wasn't going to listen to any kind of excuses so Billy had to defend Max's honor, she was his sister after all. It doesn't matter if they don't share the same blood, she is family now, and even if most of the time Billy can’t stand her, he was not going to let anyone put his dirty paws on her, ok?

That’s why he got so mad at Harrington when he lied to him about his sister. Pretending she wasn’t there when he could see her staring at him from the window.

They fought hard, and Billy took Harrington by surprise, crashing a plate on the side of his head and punching him in the face until he laid on the ground unconscious. Then he took Max's arm, who was still screaming something about him being crazy or some shit like that and dragged her to the car.

"Never do something like that again, are we clear?" He hissed in her face. And since that day she didn't, or at least if she did, she became sneakier. Billy doesn’t really care, the important thing is that his father is satisfied, and if Neil Hargrove is happy everyone at home is happy.

Does Billy feel guilty about punching Harrington? Maybe. But he did what had to be done and now the rich boy is keeping his distance from him and his step-sister, which is good.

Nobody knows exactly what happened, everyone assumed that they had a fight about some girl and even if the chief of police insisted, Harrington didn't file a report against him. Billy should be grateful, a report on his record would not look good, but he wasn't wrong assuming that the pretty boy was going to do something inappropriate with his sister, well, step-sister. After all, he is the one who took her to that house in the middle of nowhere when he could have just driven her back home. It doesn't matter that Max probably begged the high school boy not to, Steve should have known better and drove her home the same.

Billy takes his seat at the back of the class. Hagan on his right is complaining about something Carol did during the weekend when the teacher gets in the classroom and announces that she is going to give them a pop quiz. Everyone starts to complain loudly, while the woman gives them the tests telling them that they should already know the answers and that the test is to help them get prepared before the final test.

Billy doesn't complain, he was always one of the best students in every school he attended so he is not worried at all. He quickly fills the test and gives it back to the teacher who smiles at him and tells him that he can go out to grab a smoke if he wants, but he has to get back before the class ends because she wants to talk to him.

The blond guy raises an eyebrow, confused, he knows he did well on the test, why did she ask him to get back to class?

"Nothing to worry about." She keeps smiling and Billy nods, going outside, the cigarette in his mouth as soon as the door closes behind him. The blond boy loves smoking, he loves everything about smoking; he loves the rituality of taking the cigarette, putting it in his mouth, taking the lighters, and inhaling.

The first drag of smoke immediately calms him down. It doesn't matter if he is fidgeting, or anxious, or scared, when he inhales the world stops spinning and all his worries and insecurities disappear.

Billy stares at the parking lot, wondering how he ended up in a shit place like Hawkins, where the more exciting thing to do is go to the quarry, stare at the cliff, and wonder if to jump or not.

After smoking the cigarette to the filter, Billy gets back to class. There are just a few students left and Harrington is among them, still sitting at his desk with a big frown biting his pen anxiously.

"Time is up. Please give me your tests."

Harrington sighs, reads the questions one last time, and gives the test back to the teacher.

"Could you wait for a moment, Steve?"

The boy shrugs, his arms crossed in front of him to protect him from whatever the teacher is going to say to him.

When the teacher has collected everyone's assignment the only two students in the class are Billy and Steve.

"So, Steve, I know you are having some difficulties this year, but even if you left the basketball team to concentrate on your studies, I must say that it's not enough. I think you might take advantage of some tutoring. And I think that you and Billy could be a good match. So I wanted to suggest to Billy to tutor you to see if this can help your grades, what do you say?"

The chestnut-haired boy glares at the other guy "I'm sorry Mrs. Johnson but Billy and I... we can't study together."

"I'm not saying that you have to become best friends, but Billy is the class's best student and I'm sure he could help you. And some tutoring would be good for you, Billy. You are really intelligent but your behavior is a little bit... explosive."

The blond-haired guy nods, he knows that his behavior is not the best and that tutoring someone would definitely look good on his college application. But he also knows that he can't stay in the same room as Harrington, it would be like putting two lions in the same cage.

"Overcoming your differences could benefit both of you.” Mrs. Johnson insists “Would you like to give it a try?"

Steve shrugs and glares at Billy, "Whatever he says."

If Harrington thinks that he is too coward to accept the challenge he is fucking wrong. "At your place, tonight, after basketball practice." It sounds like a threat, and maybe it is.

#stranger things fanfic #steve x billy #harringrove #medusapelagia #Billy Hargrove #Steve Harrington #Harringrove #Billy x Steve #Stranger Things Fanfiction #Harringrove fic #medusapelagia fanfic #my fanfic #learning to love

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to-the-stars8 · 2 years

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Learning to Love Slowly

Pairings; Jason Todd x Female Reader A/N- Hello guys! This is my first time, like, ever writing Jason Todd, just bear with me if his characterization is a bit wrong at first. Nonetheless, happy reading, and love you all so much! Ao3 Summary; Just you and Jason learning to love each other, and the small moments in-between.

1- Pride and Prejudice and Hair

“Your selfish disdain for the feelings of others made me realize you were the last man in the world I could ever be prevailed upon to marry--”

“No, pause it! Pause it!” You yelled from the kitchen.

Jason scrambled for the remote to stop the movie and eventually found it under the couch just as the scene had ended. He looked over to see you hurrying to make more popcorn and drinks--all to which he had said he was good without, but you had insisted on the full movie theatre experience. When he looked back at the screen he could still hear you mumbling off a checklist of everything you had.

He had come to visit you the first night he could take off after not seeing you for a good week. Jason had heard from you, every phone call and text conversation lasting long enough to close the distance just a bit, but it wasn’t enough. He felt like he wasn’t enough; that you deserved to be in a relationship with someone who wasn’t as fucked up as he was.

You two were taking it slow, he reminded himself. Again. You had assured him that when you two first became official, which he could hardly believe was a little over a month ago. Much less that it took nearly half a year of him showing up at your window at midnight for you to finally ask him on an official date. And that it took him a whole two seconds too long to accept

“Here you go, my darling,” You said, juggling a bowl of popcorn and two bottles of pop. You paused, pulling back the bottle to look at it. “Wait, did you want grape or orange?”

Jason bit back a smile. “It doesn’t matter.”

The answer seemed to please you and he ended up with the grape. He hated grape soda but drank it anyway, just to see you happy. When you sat on the couch, it was next to him, but just far enough to respect his space.

You had started the movie again after getting comfortable, curling up in the middle of the couch with a blanket over you, and handing the bowl off to Jason. He tried to focus on the movie, but you were distracting him.

Jason had sat with his arm thrown on the back of the couch, and he was close enough to smell and feel your hair against it. Cautiously, his hand played with a loose strand of your that hung over the back, watching it twirl around his finger and liking the way it gleamed in the TV light.

It was soft, and, for a moment, he felt wrong for touching it with his dirty, calloused hand. Jason thought of taking his hand away, but when you leaned back into the touch with a sigh of relief, he kept it there. Slowly, his hand moved to massage the back of your head, earning a soft smile from you. When he pulled it away, Jason watched as you tried to bite back a wide grin.

“That felt nice,” You whispered.

Jason didn’t know if he would touch you like that again soon, but he was glad to know you liked it. It was a step, he knew that much.

#jason todd #jason todd x reader #batfamily #dick grayson #batman #red hood #robin jason todd #batfam #romance #falling in love #learning to love

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sakura-hayashii · 2 months

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dear lonely soul,

after some time… being alone becomes a normal thing in your life… once it becomes a habit it becomes so hard to feel like you have a place with others… then eventually sharing who you are and opening up feels like a lost cause… and by that point… being alone has basically become an addiction… its so easy to get out of practice at sharing who you are because by that point… being on your own is a habit and normal aspect in your life… it becomes part of your existence… and you feel you cant explain it cause its a constant feeling and habit… and you start to feel like no one in your life would understand… like its a feeling that only you have to go through… it aint shit… but good things never come easy… people aint shit… but not all people in this world are shit… so you gotta find the people willing to put up with and help you through your shit.

life hurts… it hurts like a bitch… its like youre happy one minute and then the next youre slapped in the face with reality… the people who go the furthest in life and who succeed… their lives are never easy… they never were… you just gotta find yourself… if you cant… find your person… or people… and they will help you and be there for you… i promise.

- S.H.

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coffeexxcigarettes · 10 days

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Hard Truths

You saw me as I was,

In innocence and laughter.

You craved my mess,

The raw taste of humanity

I offered.

Sometimes I am gifted things,

I hold in my hands.

No shelf to store it on,

I was never taught to accept love.

It can break your heart.

Love can break your heart,

When you were taught how to

Stitch exit wounds

Instead of how to be held.

If your touch is too gentle,

Will I be able to feel it?

How can you possibly feel so much like home,

When you're the complete opposite of

How I was raised?

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itslenagain · 6 months

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Relearning

Once upon a time, I believed I knew what love was.

I played the part well. I learned the lines, I followed the script. I thought all I had to do was stay in character.

Right now, I am relearning.

You see, the problem with believing that all love is a performance is that when the performer takes their last bow, when the lights go off, when the props are in the trunk and the makeup is off and the crowd has gone home, the performer becomes themself again.

Yes, as a thespian, I believe performances can change you. But, undeniably, you're still your own person underneath. And if love is just a performance, does it mean anything when you're off the stage?

I'm discovering a love that exists when the marquee is empty, when the stage is dark. There's a love that is real when nobody is watching.

My love? Her smile is on my mind no matter what costume I put on. But honestly, around her, I don't want to wear one.

Loving her comes with me everywhere I go, it colors everything I see, it is the underscore of everything I do. I go off script because no play that's been written could sum it up.

Could any of the great playwrights have written the way your hands feel on my skin?

Or penned the night I took off my mismatched socks so you could wear them to help your aching feet?

Could any choreographer recreate the steps to the dancing we've done together in loud concert halls when all I could focus on was you next to me?

Could any director give the right notes to replicate how I hugged you tight enough to momentarily forget about the hospital walls surrounding us?

Sometimes I forget how to act when I'm not performing.

But for you? I'm passionately relearning.

#i just love her so much #lesbian #late in life lesbian #late bloomer #relationship #wlw love #sapphic #lovecore #writing #learning to love #lgbtqia+#my girlfriend <3

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loveerran · 1 year

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Whose side are you on?

#3rd picture courtesy of artist Arawn Billings #jesus #and the woman taken in adultery #queerstake #tumblrstake #true christianity #is love first #lds #mormon #lgbt #lgbtqia+#learning to love #as god loves all of us #you don't have to be on my side #but try to be on jesus' side #and not that of the haters #who throw stones every week #without realizing that many of them are landing

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07-induraj · 7 months

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Learn to love..

We are all taught to love

But never been taught how

Its a journey and we are on the drive

And we keep on going without knowing the routes

We all want to be loved

But we don't exactly know what we need

And in the end we are left with nothing but a heart soaked in fake blood

Cause love can never be guarunteed

We think of it as love, and reciprocate whatever we gets

To someone who don't even know what love means

And in this rush, we get left with many wounds and cuts

We want our love life like those movie scenes, but it won't make us come clean, not even heard or seen

But nothing is like what it seems

No one ever says what you wanna hear

Especially not the person of your dreams

And so we just let them keep that part of us as souvenir

Love is neither easy nor tough

But there's nothing as right person wrong time

No, the persons' only right if they know how to love

And if they do so, then its never the wrong time

Love is different for everyone, so sometimes it gets rough

But there's nothing such thing as wrong person right time

It ain't about timing or who you're loving, but, its about you feeling enough

Don't you worry, you will find someone for you so you could call them mine.

Written by 07-induraj

#poets on tumblr #original poem #poemsbyme #female poets #love poetry #twcpoetry #smittenbypoetry #poeticstories #learning to love #art #teen poet #teen outlook on love #poetry reruns #original writing #creative writing #i wish you would #delicate

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sebadztian · 3 months

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Yeah, so I posted a new story.

I struggled with the title. Not sure what to name it. Is it allowed to change the title later on? Yes? No? We'll see. For now though, it's called Learning To Love (That's the link to the story, btw).

It's a slow burn Sebaciel love story set in the modern AU where everyone is human and everyone shows up at one point or another. Lots of fluff, plenty of angst, with a sprinkle of drama.

Sebastian is still Ciel's butler although he isn't a demon (not in the literal sense) and there's no contract (well, not the Faustian kind).

This is my first time writing a multi-chaptered story set in a modern era, so I hope that it won't suck.

I first wrote it a year ago for fun and worked on it bit by bit in between my other works. By now, it's about halfway done, but I still need to edit it and write the rest of it, of course.

#sebaciel #my fic #learning to love

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thestuffiammadeof · 6 months

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I don’t feel like you’re real. You could be just an apparition before my eyes. A “blink twice and they’re gone”. A firefly in the night. I tricked myself into thinking I didn’t miss you at 8 p.m. yesterday evening, when just at 6 o’clock I had been thinking I needed you to come home every even tide. You’re an apparition in my mind. One wrong move and you could disappear forever. So fear takes over and I don’t even let you see the love in my eyes. How trite. To be myself. A pattern re-emerging from one year, six months and three days ago. A pattern I made in my childhood. “Let’s play hide and seek”. But no one ever could find me. And so I write to assuage the fear, build some resistance to my own mind, remember that I used to be aligned. And maybe this even tide I will tell you.

You’re probably,

most likely,

surely

the love of my life.

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divine-sunlight · 6 months

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I feel like I haven't appreciated Lady Aphrodite enough in this page, and that just cannot be.

Thank you my Lady for helping me through my self-love journey and for making me prioritize myself, my body and mind.

Thank you for letting me explore myself and my style in a safe space in which none of my desicions are judged.

Thank you for aiding me when I feel unhappy, for showing me the beautiful sides of life, friendship and love.

Thank you for helping me understand that love comes in many shapes and it's not always romantic. Thank you for answering my prayers, not always with what I asked for, but with what I needed the most. Thank you for gifting me the opportunity to find friendship in new places and enjoy my life to its fullest.

I can't wait to continue on this journey with you in which I can explore myself, the world and others learning to care and show I do, and love deeply without any restrictions.

#aphrodite #lady aphrodite #aphrodite deity #love #self love #hellenic paganism #paganism #hellenic deities #greek polytheism #greek gods #self love journey #learning to love #a little thank you post #Spotify

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env0writes · 9 months

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A Gust of Wind Vol.3, 8.7.23 “Let Me Practice"

There is an itch about the wee hours Of the night that light the kiln of passion Sending me onward to claypots of yearning To mold my life with the very mud of the Earth Even in the mess of it – those eyes– Stir with creative wonder Even if I was never any good At pottery, Let your shape guide my hands Art requires practice, and I Am prepared for tutelage

@env0writes C.Buck Ko-Fi & Venmo: @Zenv0 Support Your Local Artist! Photo by @mynamemeanscloud

#writeblrcafe #poeticstories #poetryportal #love poem #love quotes #learning to love #august of words #a gust of words #a gust of words vol.3 #august of wind #burningmuse #poetselixir #poetswhisper #twc #spilled ink #wutispotlight #writtenconsiderations #env0 writes

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medusapelagia · 9 days

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Learning to Love 5

(Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5)

Rating: Mature Relationship: Steve /Billy Tags: enemies to lovers Words: 1703

Billy sighs, annoyed “Give me a moment.” He says, going back in the house. He cleans himself quickly with a wet towel and covers himself in perfume. If that little shitbird will destroy his public image he will fucking kill her. When he gets to the car Dustin, one of Max’s friends, is sitting in the passenger seat.

“That’s my seat.” Billy says, lifting his sunglasses.

“No, Steve told me that I got shotgun for life.” The kid replies with a toothless smile, but Steve gives the kid a friendly elbow in the stomach.

“Come on Dustin, Billy is twice your size, and he can’t sit in the back with Lucas and Max.”

Billy turns toward the back of the car finally noticing the boy that is almost hiding behind Steve’s seat.

“Hey, Sinclair.”

“Hi, Billy.” Billy frowns “Mr. Hargrove.” Lucas corrects himself but that’s not a name Billy likes either.

“Just call me Hargrove.” He says, opening the door and dragging Dustin out of the car. “Do you have some tapes?” Billy asks Steve, looking in the glove compartment. “I don’t want to hear them complaining for the entire ride. It’s annoying.”

Steve chuckles, “Don’t think you’ll like my music but it’s ok. I might have some Madonna or Bowie somewhere.”

“Bowie’s not bad.” Billy states, looking for the tape and then turning the music so loud that he can’t even hear his thoughts. “Gonna teach you a thing or two about music.” He says, getting another cigarette.

“No smoking when the kids are in the car, Billy.” Steve says, grabbing Billy’s cigarette and throwing it out of the window.

“Fuck you, Harrington, that shit costs!” Billy complains loudly, but Steve is not impressed in the slightest.

When they finally get to the arcade Steve gives some coins to the kids, Max included, and tells them that he is going to pick them up in two hours.

“Come on! Two and a half! And we’ll get a milkshake later.” Lucas complains.

“Two hours and no milkshakes or one and a half and milkshakes, your choice kids, but I’m going to have you all back home by six no matter what.”

The kids groan but in the end, they decide that it is better to spend half an hour more at the arcade than having milkshakes before dinner.

“Good choice.” Steve praises them, “Now go and have fun.”

Max and Lucas run toward the arcade where Will and Mike are already waiting for them while Dustin hesitates “What?” Steve asks.

“Will you be ok? I mean… with him?”

“Harrington and I are great friends… aren’t we?” Billy asks, turning toward Steve.

“Great friends.” He confirms, ruffling Dustin’s hair “You don’t have to worry about me, you know that, right?”

“But he beat you up!” Dustin protests.

“I had my reasons!” Billy rebukes, getting threateningly closer but Steve stops him with a hand on his chest.

“It’s water under the bridge. He is the one who convinced me to go to the eye doctor, did you know that?”

“He did?” Dustin asks, offended. “I tried to convince you for months, Steve! Months!”

“I know. He was just… a little bit more persuasive, ok? Now go before Max gets to the best games.”

Dustin glares at Billy but he turns toward the arcade and joins his friends, and the two older teenagers remain outside the arcade in silence.

“Do you wanna get a milkshake? My treat.” Steve says, spinning the car’s key on his finger.

“You bet you are going to pay for them, Harrington. You threw my cigarettes out of the window.”

“Just one, and I had a good reason!” The pretty boy replies with a smirk while getting back in the car.

“You ok?” Billy asks while Steve drives.

“Yeah. Why are you asking?”

“We haven't seen each other since you passed math.”

“Oh, yeah.The tutoring thing was over, wasn’t it?”

Yeah, it was but Billy was actually enjoying spending time with Steve and he misses it.

“Did Hagan give you more shit?” Billy asks, looking stubbornly outside the window.

“Not really, we are not friends anymore, you know? And I’m friends with Jon, Will’s brother.”

“Byers? The one who stole your girl?”

“Nancy is not a thing, she can’t be stolen, but yes, Jonathan Byers. We drive the kids almost everywhere so sometimes we grab a smoke together. Oh he told me about this fancy music store in Indianapolis, maybe some time we could go there together,” Steve suggests.

“Together? Like you and me?”

Steve nods without turning, “If you want of course, if not I can go with him and Nancy and…”

“No, I’d like to go to the music store with you.” Billy replies quickly, cursing himself for being so eager to spend some time with Steve.

When they sit at the table and the cute waitress takes their order, one chocolate milkshake and one strawberry with fries that they are sharing, Billy looks around them. It’s a Saturday afternoon so there are many couples sharing milkshakes and kisses, sitting on the same side of the table, side by side, while Steve and Billy are sitting on the opposite side of the table and even if Billy’s eyes darts on Steve’s plump lips there is nothing he could do. He has no fucking chance.

“You ok?”

“Yeah, long week.” Billy replies, talking about basketball practice and the next competition that they will probably lose “We miss you, Harrington. Any possibilities that you could get back?”

“I suffered a head trauma, my doctor prohibited me from contact sports, but I’m doing quite well on the swimming team. I’m going to be co-captain.”

“I used to be a lifeguard back in California,” Billy says with a dreaming smile.

“Do you want to join the swimming team and steal my place? Again?” Steve chuckles.

“No. I don’t want to steal anything of yours.”

“Because you already did, right?” Steve replies with a wink that leaves Billy confused.

“What are you talking about?”

The smile on Steve’s lips dies.

“Don’t tell me I got it wrong. Oh god. Max said… I thought…” Steve stutters, his eyes darting from Billy to the exit. His breathing coming too quickly.

“Hey, Steve, it’s ok! I don’t know what Max told you, but it’s ok. You are fine. We are fine.” Billy tells him and Steve takes a couple of deep breaths to settle himself.

“I’m sorry.” He says, looking at the clock on the wall, “Maybe we should go back to the arcade.”

It’s still early but Billy nods, chugging his milkshake, and he follows Steve to the car. Once they are inside the maroon beemer Steve seems even more anxious.

“Can you tell me what Maxine told you?” Billy asks, staring out of the window as they drive.

“Nothing.”

Billy lifts an eyebrow, it certainly didn’t look like nothing, and Steve is acting so nervously that Billy sighs and then confesses to him “I’m gay. And I’m sorry if this makes you uncomfortable, and I get it if you don’t want to see me again. Just… don’t tell Hagan, ok? There are already… rumors and I don’t want to feed the gossip.”

Steve stops the car so abruptly that Billy’s head bumps in the window.

“Fuck! Harrington!”

“Are you… do you really… I mean could you… but no… surely you don’t…”

“Can you explain to me what the fuck are you trying to say?”

“I like you, Billy.”

“As a friend?”

“As a… special friend?”

“Steve?”

“I… I’m not gay!” Steve clarifies and Billy stares at him even more confused. “I’m bi… I’m bisexual.” He whispers “But I like you. Having you at my place was becoming so familiar that I got scared because I thought you could never reciprocate my feelings. But then Max said something and… well, it doesn’t matter. Even if you are gay it doesn’t mean that you like me back, right?” Steve asks in his self-deprecating tone that Billy knows too well.

“Keep driving.” Billy says to him when they get near the arcade.

“But…”

“Keep driving. It’s still early. Take me to a quiet place.” Billy repeats and Steve drives them to his home, the more secluded place he knows.

As soon as they get inside Billy grabs Steve’s preppy shirt and yanks him toward himself, stealing a kiss.

At first, Steve seems surprised at Billy's reaction but he quickly relaxes in Billy's hold and kisses him back. The pleasure burns in their stomach while Billy’s hands get under Steve’s shirt, caressing the skin with his fingertips and Steve shivers in his hold.

“Do you like that?” Billy whispers on Steve’s lips.

“I like it. And I like you. Do you like me?”

"Of course I do, Harrington!” Billy replies kissing him again, and again, until the clock in the kitchen informs them that they have to get back to the arcade.

When they pick up the kids, the boys are too busy telling Steve about every fight they won in a game, while Max grins at them satisfied.

Steve drives Dustin and Lucas first, taking his time to drive back Billy and Max.

“Five minutes.” Max informs them, pointing at Neil’s car that is already parked in the driveway and Billy nods.

“So…” Steve and Billy say at the same time, giggling like kids.

“You first.” Billy insists and Steve blushes.

“Would you like… would you like to watch a movie at my place one of these days? And maybe tutoring me a little bit more?”

Billy winks at him, “I would love to. Do you want me to bring some beers next Wednesday after basketball practice?”

“That sounds… nice.”

“See you on Wednesday, pretty boy.” Billy replies with a smirk, and when his father asks him who the boy is he tells him that Harrington asked him to tutor him again after the good results he got in math.

His father smiles, telling some cruel things about Steve and his family but Billy doesn’t care, all he wants is his father’s permission to tutor the boy and drive his sister to the arcade, and when he agrees, Max squeezes Billy’s hand under the table, smiling at him.

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the-witch-of-saturn · 1 year

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5 months sober!

This year is off to a really good start. My boyfriend and I worked things out and we’re both really happy, this was the first big fight/bad patch we had to deal with and I’m glad we communicated well and are working on it together. I don’t really have the best communication skills because growing up and still now I grew up in a very toxic and abusive environment, it’s super weird getting diagnosed with ptsd from all the trauma I went through and never realized how traumatic and detrimental it really was on me. I still feel stunted when it comes to a lot of things, there was a lot of yelling and fighting with my parents and I developed coping skills like staying silent when something bothered me, not to talk back to avoid getting screamed at and belittled, never really feeling comfortable as a person and having boundaries respected, never feeling good enough. This is the first healthy and long term relationship I’ve been in, and it’s really bringing out a lot of insecurities and fears.

It feels like I’m fighting my learned coping mechanisms and anxieties, trying to break the old bad habits and thought processes is fucking hard. Is anyone else here learning to heal from their trauma and process it to be able to move on and be happier? I’d love to hear from you. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.

#life update #happiness #enjoying life #recovery #sobriety #learning to live #learning to love #personal growth

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sakura-hayashii · 2 months

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02.24.24 - 1:47 pm

her perspective: because i once loved you… i would hope that the next person you love is your last. i would hope that she becomes your first thought when you wake up in the morning and your last thought before you fall asleep in the evening. because i once loved you… i would hope that you smile to yourself everytime someone mentions her name. and i would hope that she is the first person you look for when you enter a room. because i once loved you… i would hope that every love song you hear reminds you of her. and i would hope that the world around you stops every time she calls out your name. because i once loved you… i would hope that you lose your breath a little everytime you see her smile. and i would hope that the sound of her laugh and the sparkle in her eyes becomes the reason you live. but there simply is no point. because i once loved you… i know that the only thing you love is your own damn misery. so instead… because i once loved you… i hope you learn to love yourself before you try to love anyone else. his perspective: because you once loved me… i hope you find someone who love you just as much as you love them. i hope that youre his first thought when he wakes up in the morning and his last thought before he falls asleep in the evening. because you once loved me… i hope he never lets you cry yourself to sleep. and i hope he treats you no differently when he is around his friends. because you once loved me… i hope that he goes along with all your crazy spontaneous ideas. and i hope that he remembers everything about you down to the smallest detail. because you once loved me… i hope that he falls in love with you all over again each time he looks at you. and i hope his arms will feel more like home than any house ever has. but there simply is no point. because you once loved me… i know that its impossible to not love you back. so instead… because you once loved me… i just hope that the next guy shows his love for you every damn day and doesnt mess up like i did.

- S.H. // things ive never said #11 (via 2amthoughts)

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