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John and Julian (and Cyn) through the '70s

Last edited on 8 October 2023. All edits listed at the end. Text in between [ ] are my thoughts.

Since John and Yoko had moved into Tittenhurst in August '69 Julian often spend weekends with them there.

"And then I'd live for the weekends I spent with my dad and his new love Yoko at Ascot. My feeling toward their relationship was helped by the way I was treated. I was given incredibly expansive toys to play with and there was always something happening." Julian, 1982

Cynthia describes that she was relieved that Julian got on reasonably well with Yoko, but she was concerned by some of the more bizarre stories of what was going on at Tittenhurst park.

"One of the hardest aspects of letting Julian visit John was accepting that Yoko would presumably look after him when he was there. I didn't know what he would make of her cool manner. But in fact he seemed fine with it, and perhaps it was better for him to have a rather distant step-mother than one who was all over him. He never told me that she was unkind in any way, which was a relief. After that first weekend Peter rang regularly to arrange visits for Julian. Much to my amusement Julian had started to call Yoko Hokey-Cokey." Cynthia Lennon: John, p.314

Photos of Julian at Tittenhurst in 31 January 1970. [John and Yoko only returned from Denmark January 27th, so Julian came to see them the first weekend back.]

Rest of the timeline including pics, quotes and audio behind the cut because it got ridiculously long.

23 February 1970

An article is published in the Evening Post talking about Julian and Kyoko. It mentions that in 1969 there were four months that father and son didn't get to see each other and also spent Christmas apart.

Some quotes from John:

"Julian, last time I saw him, was a bit too protected, like all kids are. It took him two weeks to unwind, when he was last with us." "I'm not a daddy with a set of bricks to play with. When I'm with the kids, they just come along with me and be with me, whatever I'm doing." Link to article

March 1970

Over the New Year John and Yoko had spent some weeks in Denmark with Tony Cox, his new partner and Kyoko. That arrangement had worked quite well and it seems it motivated John and Yoko to try to get closer with Cynthia and Roberto also. It seems in the end not much came of these good intentions.

Up until now, when Julian came to spend the weekend at Tittenhurst Park, it was Les Anthony who shuttled him back and forth between his parents. However, shortly after their return from Denmark, John and Yoko made a conscious effort to spend time with Julian, Cynthia and her fiancé Roberto Bassanini. John later remarked: "All five of us ate together and we saw to it that the children see us all together. Maybe six of us will go on vacation with Kyoko. Julian, Cyn and Roberto, so that everyone feels secure. That's very important. In order to have peace, it's necessary to start inside the family." Lennonology, source L'Express [3/23/70]

Instead John and Yoko left for LA 23 April 1970 to undergo Primal Scream therapy with Janov. They stayed for almost five months in the US and returned to England 15 September 1970.

June 7th, 1970

While John and Yoko are in LA doing their therapy with Janov. One of the topics discussed was John's troubled relationship with his son.

The meeting, which Vivian Janov describes as 'a very strong emotional day for him,' had taken place in April, and John was making an effort to maintain communication with his son. From Los Angeles, John posted a card to Julian today: 'I'm sorry I haven't called or written much. I've been a little sick. We miss you a lot, and send you our love... won't be long till I see you'. Lennonology

After the return from the US in September Julian continued to regularly visit Tittenhurst. During those visits he usually played a lot with Les Anthonys four stepchildren, who at the time were also living on the estate.

"Once Dad had a little white shed built on an island in the middle of a lake on the grounds of the house. He had bought these little white amphi-cars that sped across the lake. The three of us all dressed in white to spend the day there. Crazy, but wonderful."Julian, 1982

In this interview Julian describes going over to Tittenhurst just to be an idiot with his dad but also how scary the big house and his bedroom situation could be to him at night.

[The floorplan of Tittenhurst (LINK) actually shows Julian's room just across the hallway from John and Yoko's room but half a stairway down. There's not really a closer bedroom and he may have been put there, so that he has his own bathroom. It being so far away, small (somewhere he or Cynthia call the room a closet) and scary are after all the memories from a child's point of view.]

For the most part the visitation arrangements seemed to have continued in 1971. In the summer, when John and Yoko were filming for the imagine documentary, Julian can be seen roaming the property with his friends.

Saturday, July 17th, 1971 With the cameras rolling, John and Yoko roamed the Tittenhurst Park grounds in a golf cart with Jill Johnston. As promised, Blue Pools delivered the new lake house, and the Lennons spotted location. More footage was taken of the house under construction, the Lennons and Johnston rowing on the lake, and Julian and the neighbor children reading excerpts from Grapefruit on camera and running amok in the fields. Lennonology

Lennonology

Julian Lennon: Tittenhurst was this enormous palace-like place with 99 acres, golf-cart buggies, a lake, a little island in the middle of the lake. It was like a house of fun. It was wonderful. I loved the place.

LINK to a longer version of the quote but in German. Not adding much just both John and Julian sharing a mutual love for Dr. Pepper at the time, playing the mellotron and the children daring each other to enter a 'haunted' building on the property.

It's also at Tittenhurst that Julian meets May Pang, who had started working for John and Yoko as an assistant through ABKCO in NY and had come to England as a messenger to bring film rolls.

"There were a lot of great moments at Tittenhurst that I do fondly remember, you know, giggling and laughing with Dad. And, as they say, shooting the shit. But it was difficult to know, you think, 'OK, well, is this going to stay? Is this what it's going to be, now? Can I count on this? Can I be here next weekend or the weekend after? Is that going to happen?' That was one of the, obviously, the hardest pill to swallow, was the constant change. You know, you thought things were going to settle down, but they just never quite did." Julian, 2018

"I lived an ideal life between then [Cyn and Roberto] and John and Yoko, but it all ended when Cynthia's marriage broke up and Dad and Yoko moved to the States." Julian, 1982

The big cut happens when on August 12th 1971 John and Yoko leave for NY and take up residence in the St. Regis Hotel.

At first their plan was to search for Kyoko, so that she too could come for visits at Tittenhurst like Julian. In September John and Yoko appeared on the Dick Cavett show and briefly talked about their wish that both their children could be with them.

youtube

Maybe a Christmas present:

Christie's auction

[In her Lost Weekend doc, May talks about Julian calling and Yoko not allowing her to put the call through to John. She says at that point they hadn't spoken for a couple of years. Then a few weeks later she is in the audience for George Harrison's appearance on Dick Cavett. The show is aired in November '71, so if there is anything to her anecdote she may mean they hadn't seen each other for two months instead of two years.]

26 May '72

"Lennon admits that he is scared to say too much publicly about the case, because it was the initial publicity that had spurred Cox to vanish. He talks about how hard it is for Ono to see pictures of her daughter: I have to hide them. Asked about his own son, Julian, he says: I don't have that 'where the hell is he?' bit. But he reveals that when they were in England, and Julian visited them every weekend, it was difficult for Ono to be with him when her own daughter wasn't there: It was killing her." source

28 May '72

Cynthia quoted in a Sunday paper: "John hasn't seen Julian since he went to America. It is rather a long time. He seems to be occupied with Yoko's daughter now. He does write to Julian, just normal letters, asking how he is getting on at school and things like that. And he sends him presents. He sent him a toy truck at Christmas. I don't keep in touch with John anymore. It's purely through Julian that we keep in contact. Julian loves his father. He follows his career in the newspapers. He goes to a private boys' school where people don't bother who he is. He went to a state school but he had problems there."

14 June '72

Cyn's complaints are repeated in the LA times, where it said that John hadn't seen Julian in eight months. "He seems to be occupied with Yoko's daughter now."

On 22 September '73 John and May leave for LA and only a few days later on 2 October '73 it is reported in the newspaper that Cyn separated from Roberto Bassanini.

Cynthia gave some interviews on her recent separation and the fact that she and Julian moved back to Hoylake, where Julian goes to private school.

"Unhappily Julian misses his father, which is only natural. We only hear from John at Christmas and when the birthdays come around." 7 October '73, Sunday Mirror

"Julian is always asking after him but of course John is in America now. It's been hard for him not seeing John for several years. This sort of thing is naturally upsetting for a child." 7 October '73, Sunday People

According to May's book, while John had broken up with her, she went to the Dakota to be with Yoko. Yoko there told her that she had decided it was time for Julian to come for a visit and May should at least reunite with John for that period to help him with it. May agreed to go back to John for two weeks, but it ends up being more like a year.

Christmas gift '73

To Julian from Daddy Christmas 1973

[Julian has sold an NFT of the black guitar. LINK ]

Shortly after Christmas '73 Julian and Cyn travel to LA to spend his school holidays with his father. They stay at least until the Happy Days taping they visit together on 5 February '74.

During the over a month long visit May writes, that they went to Disneyland three times and had brunch together the first morning. Meanwhile John is still having some wild times. Since Julian is staying with Cynthia, he goes out with May. The Kotex incident and nearly killing Jesse Ed Davis happen at the same time of this visit. May also places Cynthia asking John to have another child together during this trip.

As the visit ends May makes John promise to call Julian regularly.

"It is the right thing to do. I promise you, Fung Yee." He was silent for a while, then John said suddenly, "I really would like to keep in touch with me son." May Pang, Loving John p.168

Julian too, took a lot of positive out of the meetings around this time.

"Mum and I flew out to the States and stayed at the Beverly Hills Hotel. At least Mum did, I spend every minute of every day with my Dad and Yoko. " Julian, 1982

In later recollections Julian correctly puts the first visit in the time-frame that John was with May.

“Dad and I got on a great deal better than,” recalls Julian. “We had a lot of fun, laughed a lot and had a great time in general when he was with May Pang.” Julian in The Times, June 13 2009

May Pang: Loving John. About this visit and how it was set up.

In April 74 Julian sends a Thank you tape to John and Yoko for his birthday gift. Even though John is with May at this time, the present it seems was sent from the married couple.

The present in question according to Julian was a guitar, decorated with a mirror, writing and other stuff:

John writes to Cyn 22 June '74 a typed letter asking about Julian's holiday plans. Interestingly as the return address he gives the Dakota. He wants to send May to bring Julian.

19/20-25 July 1974 Instead of being collected by May, Julian sails with Elton John, Tony King, and Cyn per boat from Southampton to New York.

[In her book Cynthia wrongly remembers this as her first visit with John in the US. She also claims this visit was completely her initiative, which as proven by the letter wasn't the case. The whole anecdote is interesting however because she says that it was never the plan to stay with Julian, John and May but stay in NY with Jenny Boyd. Jenny apparently wasn't told about that plan, because in the end she wasn't there to home Cynthia. (May on the other hand remembers that Cynthia was staying with friends but they left without her and she was lonely, so she ended up coming with them.) In the end (and to John probably rightly or wrongly suspiciously) what was planned as just a trip for Julian with his dad turned into Cynthia coming along most of the time.]

Cynthia'a account about how this meeting was set-up and why she was with them during the trip.

Tony King in The Tastemaker simply writes: “John Lennon wanted to see his son, so I took Julian and John’s ex-wife Cynthia along with me.”

August 6th '74

John, May, Cyn and Julian return to LA for John to record Goodnight Vienna with Ringo.

In the summer while working on Walls and Bridges Julian visits the studio. He records Ya Ya with his dad.

Little interview bit with Julian about being in the studio.

August 19th, 1974

John and May take a trip to Denver. Instead of coming with them Julian stays with Cyn in LA.

When the whole vacation is coming to a close, it is decided that Julian should come for another visit for Christmas. John is clear that he wants him to come alone.

Both May Pang and Cynthia wrote about this visit in their memoirs. [Cynthia is clearly mixing up and merging the first and second trip together in her recollection of it.]

Cynthia's account.

May's account.

December 19th, 1974

Julian, accompanied by Apple staffer Steve Brendell, arrived in NY on this day for Christmas with John and May. Mimi was also invited but declined to come.

While they were in NY Yoko also came by because she wanted to greet Julian.

John, May and Julian flew to Florida on December 22. Lennon said he accepted Levy's Florida invitation "because I was so worn out anyway" from back-to-back studio projects "that I didn't know what to do with my son Julian." John figured that at Disney World, "I could sort of sit in a room or something and Julian could play with Morris's kid." John's quotes are from his trial testimony Big Seven Music Corp, 75Civ, 1116; In Stan Soocher Baby You're a Rich Man, Suing the Beatles for Fun and Money

Until 29 December they spent time in Palm Beach and later returned to Orlando (Disney World).

During this visit, Julian was helpful in influencing John and George making up and the thus the dissolution agreement of the Beatles coming along.

Julian remembers his Christmas visit with John and May fondly: “My memories of that time with Dad and May are very clear - they were the happiest time I can remember with them.” Julian in The Times, June 13 2009

May Pang in Loving John on this visit.

Cynthia writes about this visit in her book.

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Video from May Pang's Lost Weekend documentary. [She says Long Island but I guess it's Palm Beach.]

In early February 1975 John moves back into the Dakota and resumes his marriage with Yoko.

John gives an interview to SPIN magazine in early spring 1975. In it he is asked about his private life, his recent return to Yoko, what his relationship with May is like now, and also about Julian:

How about you as a father? How old is your son [Julian] now? He is 11 now. All I know is that you took him to Disneyworld … right? Yeah, that was hell. Disneyland was better, the first time, in L.A., I took him there. Because I went with a gang, and there were a few of us who were flying a little. But Disneyworld — I was there on the most crowded day of the year, around Christmas or something. Seeing him is good. What we do is irrelevant. I went through a period of, “What are we gonna do?” and all that crap. It doesn’t really matter. As long as he’s around. Cause I don’t see him that often. How is it for an 11-year-old boy to have John Lennon as a father? It must be hell. Does he talk about that to you? No, because he is a Beatle fan. I mean, what do you expect?? I think he likes Paul better than me … I have the funny feeling he wishes Paul was his dad. But unfortunately he got me … It must be hard to be son of anybody. He is a bright kid and he’s into music. I didn’t encourage him, but he’s already got a band in school. But they sing rock’n’roll songs, ’cause their teacher is my age. So he teaches them “Long Tall Sally” and a couple of Beatles numbers. He likes Barry White and he likes Gilbert O’ Sullivan. He likes Queen, though I haven’t heard them yet. He turns me on to music. I call him and he says, “Have you heard Queen?” and I say “No, what is it?” I’ve heard of them. I’ve seen the guy … the one who looks like Hitler playing a piano … Sparks? I’ve seen Sparks on American TV. So I call him and say, “Have you seen Sparks? Hitler on the piano?” and he says, “No. They are alright. But have you seen Queen?” and I say “What’s Queen?” and then he tells me. His age group is hipper to music … at 11 I was aware of music, but not too much.

Link to the SPIN interview

March 11th 1975

John is interviewed by Bob Harris on The Old Grey Whistle Test. He sends greetings to Julian, Mimi and the rest of his family in England.

unknown

30 July 1975

About Julian ... I'm lucky if I see/hear from him myself. She allowed him over here twice last year ... but insisted on coming herself! You can imagine how thrilling that was ... she thought she could walk back in coz I wasn't with yoko!! Now we're back together again she stops him phoning me ... which he did a lot last year ... once a week. He's a bright little boy ... a bit 'sneaky' like his dad ... but he's gonna need that to survive his mother! Our relationship is pretty good --- he knows where I am and what my life is like ... he thinks of me a litlle too much in terms of 'money' etc ... which is what cyn and her mother (so called) have taught him (by example). He will run right to me when he's older ... we all run somewhere ... so I can wait. I got him well hooked on America ... which isan extraordinary place to say the least ... more on that in other letters perhaps. Oh yes the baby is due in November! Conceived feb 6. I tried to send Julia to see julian ... she was given the cold shoulder. When I get to England I'll show you them both. I would love to see yours. Letter to Leila, John Lennon Letters edited by Hunter Davies

After only five months being back with Yoko, communication with Julian has become more sporadic again. To his cousin Leila John complains that it's Cynthia keeping Julian from calling and about her tagging along the previous year. He also claims that he sent Julia to check in on Julian.

Julia Baird in a '83 interview confirms John's claim to Leila, that he hadn't heard from Julian and sent his little sister to check up on him.

"He kept asking in letters and on the phone, 'Please will you go and see Julian? Will you go and see Julian? Will you go see and see Julian? I haven't heard from Julian. His mother's got a cob on. Can you please go and see what's going on?' [...] Anyway eventually Aaron persuaded me that I should go. He was the one that when we got another letter asking, 'Have you been to see Julian yet?', he said, 'Look, he's never asked you to do anything. I think you should go.' [...] We went and John had given us the address, I didn't know where it was. And she seemed very embarrassed to see me. In fact so much so, that I backed off. I just said, 'Is Julian there, please? I'd like to see him.' And she said, 'No, he's gone out.' And I just said, 'Well goodbye, then.' It was very odd, very bizarre."

In her memoir Cyn doesn't mention John sending family to check on them but has an opposing recollection of who was unreachable:

"Initially he did: he phoned Julian as before, every few weeks. But the calls became less frequent, and all too often when Julian tried to phone John he couldn't get through. Yoko, or one of their employees, would tell him that John was sleeping or busy. Discouraged, Julian would wait weeks before trying again. " Cynthia Lennon, John p. 346

1 May '76

Cyn marries John Twist. John and Yoko send a telegram: "Congratulations, good luck, God bless the three of you, John and Yoko.”

According to Cynthia a few weeks later John calls her to invite Julian over for a visit during the school holidays to meet his brother. Yoko and John take the children for a holiday to Long Island. Cynthia also writes that Julian was mugged during his stay in NY, when John told him to go out by himself to buy a harmonica he wanted.

Photos of Julian with John and Yoko in summer 1976.

The only other person I have read mention the '76 visit is John Green in Dakota Days.

As the apartment at the Dakota grew more crowded, John retreated to the quieter and more spacious southern shore of Long Island. He took Sean with him and brought Julian over from Britain. Yoko kept him posted with a barrage of phone calls. "How goes the war, Charles?" he chimed into the receiver. "No casualties so far. How goes the peace?" "Great. It's absolutely beautiful. I've got a bit of sea and a bit of green and my sons, and even once in a while I even have my wife. You should come out here and get some of this. It's delightful." Dakota Days, p.97

[Aside from Cynthia's and Green's brief mentions of the trip, there is very little information on this NY visit. Even Robert Rosen, who supposedly read John's diaries multiple times, has nothing to say about this or the '77 visits. He even claims repeatedly that Julian and John first reunited in 1979 and hadn't seen each other for four years at that point.]

One of Julian's memories that most likely fits this visit:

Julian first played piano when he was thirteen, visiting his father and Yoko in Montauk, Long Island, after Sean, his half brother, was born. Their next-door neighbor had a piano, and Julian and his father went there one day. Lennon played a couple of tunes, then Julian asked, "Can I have a go?" Julian to Rolling Stone, 1985

Another one that Julian doesn't connect to a date but he remembers the new situation after his little brother was born:

[Yoko] was very loving towards me, even after their son Sean was born. Right at the beginning I felt a few pangs. They were there with their own son. Where did I fit in? But every time I went over Dad would lay on amazing treats, and Yoko was always loving towards me." Julian, 1982

In the same interview Julian also tells the story of his dad offering him a joint when he was about 12, so that might have also been the '76 visit, or the '74/'75 Christmas visit.

Cynthia claims she had trouble getting the money she was supposed to use for Julian's school. She asked John to split the trust fund, so that she can withdraw money from it easier. John agreed.

Cynthia publishes the letter in her book John and calls it "cautious, polite and to the point":

"I explained that, as he and Yoko were out of the country, it was impossibly difficult for me to get at Julian's money: 'Nothing can proceed without your signature - it means I'm forever overdrawn at the bank and have to wait on the convenience of your lawyers ... I want the best for Julian, and his standard of life shouldn't suffer because of lack of good management on your part, which has been happening since the fund was set up ... The money, instead of having doubled through good investment, is dwindling through lack of interest on your part ... It's just so important that this whole arrangement is sorted out without animosity or aggravation ... The way things are going Julian's financial prospects when he is 25 will be virtually nil and he is going to want to know why... It is one thing fighting for your rights but totally ridiculous fighting against your own son's interests, which is what seems to be happening.' "

[She says she ends the letter with thanking them for arranging the Concorde flight for Julian last summer. However according to wiki Concorde didn't fly to NYC until November 1977. (That years Christmas John and Yoko do indeed book a Concorde flight for Julian.) So I suspect that her supposed letter is specifically written for her book and not an actual document as the presentation suggests.]

In mid-October Cynthia gives an interview to Woman magazine that also got picked up in multiple newspapers. In it she talks about their relationship splitting after their first LSD trip, John getting upset with Julian when he couldn't eat with a knife, alleges that she was being followed by a private detective in Italy,...

A report on the article in the Burton Daily Mail from 19 October '76 also quotes Cynthia as saying:

"Since then their relationship has been beautiful," she says. "They talk a lot on the phone, there've been other visits and he's going again this year. I believe now that John is completely off all drugs, has been off them for years, otherwise I'd never let Julian go."

[He's going again this year indicates that there was another visit planned in 1976. If that happened or fell through, I haven't found anything about that.]

October 25th, 76

John sends Julian a postcard from Singapore. “What happened to ya?”

Even though the previous few months there was a visit and positive communication about the finances, Cynthia's decision to publicly complain in the papers angered John. He responded on November 26th 1976 with an open letter in the Daily Mail.

"Lennon tells first wife: Stop blaming Yoko," it read: "As you and I well know, our marriage was over long before the advent of LSD or Yoko Ono. Your memory is impaired to say the least. Your version of our first LSD trips is rather vague. You seem to have forgotten subsequent trips altogether. You also seem to have forgotten that only two years ago, while I was separated from Yoko Ono, you suddenly brought Julian to see me in Los Angeles after three years of silence. During that visit you didn't allow me to be alone with him for one moment. You even asked me to remarry you and give you another child 'for Julian's sake.' I politely told you no and that anyway I was still in love with Yoko. Finally, I don't blame you for wanting to get away from your Beatle past, but if you are serious about it you should try to avoid talking to and posing for magazines and newspapers. We did have some good years so dwell on them for a change."

Cynthia answers to the press after this, saying she doesn't want them to throw mud at each other and repeated "All I want to do is forget the Beatles and enjoy my present life". Still, only a few months later in 1977 she starts to write A Twist of Lennon (allegedly gleefully on a typewriter Yoko had gifted Julian). In her later memoir John she writes she was persuaded to do it by her husband John Twist who believed it would make their fortune.

Julian is sent to boarding school for that time. [In her book John Cynthia explicitly remembers that she moved to Ireland to write. However newspaper reports from the time suggest that the move happened later. So, probably Julian wasn't boarding at this time but those months in '78.]

At the same time communication between John and Julian was happening regularly and according to his diaries he got excited by the idea of buying Julian a keyboard.

July 14th, 1977

December 25th 1977

Julian comes by Concorde to stay at the Dakota during his school holidays.

[At the time of Julian's visit John and Yoko were still helped by the FBI to deal with the kidnapping threat and extortion attempt that had been going on for weeks and scared them badly. Also, Tony Cox had made contact by phone and agreed that Kyoko could visit for these holidays but then disappeared again and John would never hear again from Kyoko. I don't know if Julian was told any of this but I assume it probably was one of the more tense christmases.]

Going by Giuliano because neither Cynthia nor Robert Rosen mention this trip by Julian at all, John was very excited about Julian coming getting up early and baking bread for him. Julian gets close to Nishi and thereby brings forth John's competitive streak. John tries out the parental philosophy of wanting to spend time with Julian instead of giving him material goods, Julian goes 'oh, really' and John caves in. When he leaves John draws a portrait of Julian. Source

[Since Robert Rosen, who also read the diaries, doesn't even know about the '76 or '77 visits (and Giuliano too thinks they saw each other last at Disney World), they may not be the source for the above. I thought it might have been from Dakota Days but it's not. John Green mentions the '77 Christmas visit but says the family were going to Florida to meet Julian there because of the security threats. I think Green is confusing this and a later visit, so I will insert his account of what John told him on returning there.]

Julian stays most of January. Goes to see the musical The Magic Show with Yoko and the band Riff-Raff with John.

In February of 1978 Cynthia and her husband sell their house and move away from Ruthin to Eire to avoid a 'wealth tax'. They leave Julian to be a boarder at his school. Cynthia and John Twist return in December, probably because they missed Julian.

April 1978

[It's not actually dated aside from being from 1978, I just assume the guitar was Julian's birthday gift.]

GIBSON Les Paul 25/50 guitar

"Dad gave me this special order rare model - it was always exciting to receive something like this from my dad. When I visited Dad we would sit down together and he would teach me a few chords and help me improve my technique." Julian in Beatles Memorabilia. The Julian Lennon Collection.

May 19th 1978

A conversation with Cyn and excerpts from her memoir A Twist of Lennon are published in News of the World.

John, Yoko and Sean are in Japan for their summer vacation. Through his London lawyers John tries to stop the publication of Cynthia's book as a serial in the News Of The World.

Tuesday, June 13th, 1978 Having been telephoned in Japan with the details of Cynthia's memoir excerpt in News Of The World, John instructed his solicitors to issue a High Court injunction in an effort to prevent the publication of a planned second installment. Frere Cholmeley & Co., Lennon's attorney in London, described the piece as 'a salacious and gribby little article,' although it was qualified with the statement: 'He does not deny that he held parties or took drugs, but he deplores the publication of intimate details of his married life.' Friday, June 16th, 1978 In the case of Lennon v. News Group Newspapers Ltd and Twist, Lord Denning rejected John's application for an injunction in London's High Court today, permitting the publication of more excerpts from A Twist Of Lennon. For his par, Denning was not impresses with John's argument that the article's publication was a breach of confidence of the marriage: 'I cannot see that either of these two parties have had much regard for the sanctity of marriage ... It seems to me as plain as can be that the relationship of these parties has ceases to be their own private affair. They themselves have put it into the public domain.' Sunday, June 18th, 1978 Having successfully defended the right to publish excerpts from A Twist Of Lennon, today's edition of News Of The World featured part two of their series: 'How Yoko stole my husband.' " Lennonology

When the book actually was released feelings turned out to be much softer than expected. Cyn ends her first memoir with the words :

I still feel very proud of the Beatles and their accomplishments. My life during that period was an education, an education I wouldn't have missed. It has left me feeling enriched, not embittered, enlightened not blinded. All I can think to conclude my story is to say, 'Thanks for the memories, and in the words of the I CHING, no blame.'"

After finishing reading his ex-wife's book, according to Robert Rosen, John was relieved and enjoyed the nostalgia. He said a prayer for Cyn: "Dear God, please show her The Way. Thank You. Thank You."

Postcard to Julian:

[I can't make out the date on the card. Julian's Beatles memorabilia book says it's from '71 but that's obviously wrong with Sean being included and Julian's Ruthin address on it. John makes the reference to being a farmer. They bought their farm in February 1978, so I put it that year. May be wrong though.]

March 21st 1979

Julian is supposed to join John, Sean and Yoko's visiting nieces in Palm Beach.

[John taking a photo of Julian in '79]

There are multiple, very different accounts for this visit, that includes Julian's 16th birthday celebration.

John bought Julian a motorcycle for his birthday.

At one point they went to Disney World, (which none of the accounts of the trip even mention), where this photo of Julian and Yoko's nieces was taken:

Accounts from:

Robert Rosen [Rosen writes that Dan Richter's children came for a visit. Correction: I said before that that because Dan wrote in his book that he never saw John again after 1974, it seemes unlikely to me that his kids would be sent out to John and Yoko five years later. However Dan Richter does confirm that in his interview on the Podcast Glass Onion: On John Lennon episode 16:

"My kids would go down, they had a place down in Palm Beach or whatever it was down in Florida. And they were there at Christmas and bring Julian and they would fly my kids down to play with Julian. And everybody, the sense we got was they were happy!"

This visit doesn't happen over Christmas but it sounds like he is talking about more than one occasion that happened and probably Christmas is one example. Could also mean that Rosen is mixing up the occasion for that anecdote.]

Cynthia Lennon

Fred Seaman

Geoffrey Giuliano

John Green [Green puts this actually to the '77 holiday visit, where he wrongly writes they went to Florida. I think (if his stories are to be believed at all) he confuses John's anger and disappointment upon return with this visit of Julian's. It also fits with being in Florida.]

[I recommend to read all of them. Lots of drama. I may one day make a comparison post between all the account because they are fascinatingly different.]

April 9th 1979

John writes to Mimi saying Julian would be welcome to live with them if he so chose but there had been no arrangements made.

Q: Did you ever plan to go and live with him [John] in New York? Julian: "When I was in my early teens we'd spoken on the phone about the possibility of me going to college over there. I think it was wishful thinking on both our parts because I felt uncomfortable about the situation and I believe he did, too." Hello! Magazine, 1995

April 25th 1979, Postcard to Julian from NY:

Julian declines to join his dad, Yoko and Sean for their family's yearly vacation in Japan.

[July 1979 In the context of getting one of his guitars Julian said that John bought him a Sony Walkman as a gift when they were brand-new. He puts around '73-'74. However according to wikipedia the Sony Walkman was first sold in July '79, so that present would have been sent to Julian around this time, maybe directly from Japan.]

December 1979

On 3rd-4th December there is a two part feature in the Daily Mail called "The Sons of the Beatles" on Julian and Zak.

"When I'm in New York, we go out quite a lot together round some of the art galleries, or to his house at Long Island. When we stay in we have musical jam sessions together singing out latest songs to each other. I still listen to Beatles music. Although I quite like some of my father's solo albums, I much prefer what he did with the Beatles." (quoted from Lennonology p. 508)

Also that month:

"More disturbing to John were the ongoing trials with Julian. The sullen teen continued to vex his father with his on-again, off-again plans to visit over Christmas. At first Julian said maybe, as long as they didn't go to Florida. Then it was a flat no, using school exams and a new girlfriend as an excuse. At the last minute he called saying he would come to New York only if he could bring a friend, but Yoko turned him down. As usual John didn't challenge her. Julian retaliated by sending his father a tabloid article about rock stars' sons, which focused on both him and Ringo's son Zak Starkey, and went into detail about the trials of being the offspring of a Beatle." Lennon in America by Giuliano p. 218

On the other hand John Green does write that Julian spent Christmas '79 with John, Yoko and Sean. He even says that Julian stayed until February. ("John stayed in the Palm Beach house until February, luxuriating in the sun and sea, forging new ties with Julian and delighting in rediscoveries of himself." p.229) [This can't be true however because John was definitely in NY for Christmas and New Years. John and Yoko did buy a house in Palm Beach late January however and were spotted there a few times in February. I can't find a mention of Julian being spotted with them, so it may or may not have happened. I do think between the two of them Giuliano's account is probably more accurate. The Daily Mail article he mentions of Zak and Julian had come out on 3 or 4 December, so that is also believable that it had come up in pre-christmas discussions. But of course it's possible that a visit happened anyway.]

1980

Julian called in February 1980 to set up another meeting with his dad. This time John denied him, surprisingly because he was worried about Julian's schooling. Through Cynthia he had learned that Julian was failing his O-levels, had started smoking, staying out at night drinking, had gotten in trouble with the police for setting up fires and racing through town on a dirt bike. "John just prayed that Julian didn't hurt himself." There is also continued conflict over money. John felt that Julian every time they spoke asked him for more money. "And though John continued to feel guilty about having abandoned Julian and Cynthia, he'd be damned if he was going to be like every other rich asshole father who'd abandoned his family and then used money as a poor substitute for love and companionship." source

In March 'A Twist of Lennon' gets its paperback release and new reviews are printed in the press.

Summer 1980

When John sat for a portrait painting with Sean for the artist Nancy Gosnell, he wondered if she could also do one of him and Julian from a photograph. He wanted to give him a father and son portrait for his birthday, according to Fred Seaman.

September 1980

PLAYBOY: "Your son, Julian, from your first marriage must be in his teens. Have you seen him over the years?" LENNON: "Well, Cyn got possession, or whatever you call it. I got rights to see him on his holidays and all that business, and at least there's an open line still going. It's not the best relationship between father and son, but it is there. He's 17 now. Julian and I will have a relationship in the future. Over the years, he's been able to see through the Beatle image and to see through the image that his mother will have given him, subconsciously or consciously. He's interested in girls and autobikes now. I'm just sort of a figure in the sky, but he's obliged to communicate with me, even when he probably doesn't want to." PLAYBOY: "You're being very honest about your feelings toward him to the point of saying that Sean is your first child. Are you concerned about hurting him?" LENNON: "I'm not going to lie to Julian. Ninety percent of the people on this planet, especially in the West, were born out of a bottle of whiskey on a Saturday night, and there was no intent to have children. So 90 percent of us... that includes everybody... were accidents. I don't know anybody who was a planned child. All of us were Saturday-night specials. Julian is in the majority, along with me and everybody else. Sean is a planned child, and therein lies the difference. I don't love Julian any less as a child. He's still my son, whether he came from a bottle of whiskey or because they didn't have pills in those days. He's here, he belongs to me and he always will."

Playboy: I was under the impression that you still weren't seeing Julian much. Lennon: Well, no, he's comin' here over shortly now. I see him whenever he get's off school. Playboy: Has it been hard for him to be John Lennon's kid? Lennon: Yeah, he has his own... Everybody has a cross to bear, and Julian has that cross, and he'll deal with it. He's a clever boy, and as he gets older we can communicate and he'll understand.

[I wasn't sure what upcoming visit John is referring to since I couldn't find one mentioned anywhere. However there is an article in the Daily Mirror from 8 October 1980 including interview passages with Cynthia that mentions Julian currently being in New York. So without any photographic evidence, he isn't in any of the birthday photos, or anecdotes about it, there still might be the possibility that there was a (pre-)birthday visit from Julian to John and Sean in 1980. Julian himself hasn't been completely consistent on when he last saw his Dad. He has said that his '79 birthday visit was their last meeting (which I think is most likely correct), but he also claimed that he was flying out regularly.]

"According to Cynthia, Julian, now 18, plays guitar better than his father. He has left school and is off to New York to stay with his famous dad." Link to the article

In an interview with Jonathan Cott on 5 December John reflects more on the troubles of being a Beatle's son and on how mistakes in his decision for Julian's schooling changed his outlook on his plans for Sean. [Julian had been going to private school since at least 1973.]

"[...] because he can't possibly be an average child, being the son of famous parents. I tried that game with my son Julian, sending him to a comprehensive working-class school, mixing with the people, but the people spat and shit on him, because he was famous, as people are wont to do. So his mother had to finally turn around and tell me to piss off: 'I'm sending him to a private school, the kid is suffering here.' "

Cynthia writes that by the end of 1980 Julian felt a breakthrough in his and his father's relationship. John played Julian songs from his new album over the phone, asking his opinions. source

Julian himself reflects on his and his dad's relationship by the time of his death like this:

"I know that dad's presence will be around for a long time. He was always joking, always sounded happy, which made me think more of him as a friend than a dad. My earliest memory of my father was when I was about three and he sang happy birthday to me. We were living at Weybridge, Surrey, and dad threw a birthday party for me and brought in a long cake shaped like a train and festooned with candles." Sunday Mirror, 5 April 1981

As early as 1982 negative feelings would influence Julian's memory, saying he didn't get to see his father for five years, that he only heard on Birthdays and Christmas from him or that after the first US visit it was again years before he got to go another time, when it was merely months.

"The Beatles sang 'All You Need Is Love' - and that is all I wanted from Dad. It is difficult to explain why I should feel so strongly, when we shared so little. Never once in all the years he lived in America did he even think about coming to see me. Apart from rare visits, I lived from birthdays to Christmas just to hear from him." Julian, 1982

[Those false memories/presentations may have been the result of his beginning break from Yoko around that time and the conflicts about money, or maybe his memories just adapted to the way it was talked about in his family.]

"It was more of one man to another than the usual father and son relationship, because he had been away from me a lot, and he said he realized that. I was just getting through to him and growing up myself and growing out of the silly giggling I did as a young teenager that really annoyed him, when Dad was killed." Julian quoted in Ray Coleman's John bio, pp.620

"Dad was such an influence in my life, it must have been hard on Mum. She'd do her best with presents at birthdays and Christmas, but I always waited for that special present that was bigger than anything else - from him. Yet he never sent anything spontaneously. He'd phone up and ask what I wanted, and it would arrive. I don't think he was trying to buy me in any way. It was just a chance for him to do something for me. He knew I wanted to be a musician and kept telling me to take a long time to get it right. He removed a lot of the stress I suppose other kids might feel. I didn't do very well at school. I don't think I'm dense, but I suppose I'm a bit lazy. There's only one thing I want - to know for sure that Dad loved me as much as I loved him. Or maybe to have him back." Julian, 1982

Edits: 29 April - December 1974 John trial quote added; September 1980 Playboy interview quote added 6 May - added Julian quote about relationship to his father by the time of his death 7 May - added Old Grey Whistle Test clip March 11th 1975 18 May - added info about 3-4 December '79 Daily Mail feature on Julian and Zak, added all the info I could find on any visits in John Green's Dakota Days and multiple notes on to those mentions. 20 May - added Cyn's quote for 28 May 1972. 23 June - added the Tittenhurst floorplan and the link to an extended quote from Julian about being there in German 8 July - added quote from 5 Dec 1980 to Jonathan Cott 20 July - added Julia Baird audio on trying to see Julian for John 1975 22 July - added info on a possible 1980 visit, 1973 interviews, 1976 info, 1980's quote 30 July - Spin interview '75 added, Cynthia quote from Burton Daily Mail '76 added 1 August - added bits from Julian's 1982 article throughout, transcribed some of the jpg quotes, so that I may add more photos, some photos added 4 August - correction in my comments about the likelihood of Dan Richter's children being with them in 1979 19 August - Box of Smile 8 October - Added some postcards, the guitars, reset some photographs because of the picture limit 12 November - Added the video clip from May Pang's doc

#i was suddenly getting nervous that this will just disappear from my drafts. that would annoy me so much. so it get's posted NOW.#i will add stuff to it as i find it but that's how i always do timelines. fill them up over time. and this is already massive.#i just wanted to date one damn thing and this is what happened...#thoughts in progress #john lennon #julian lennon #Youtube

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storiesforallfandoms · 2 months

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our next step ~ swaggersouls

word count: 1611

request?: yes!

“hey hey!! i adore your work and was wondering if you could do a swaggerwouls x fem!reader? maybe something along the lines of the reader also being a youtuber and them having a baby together and announcing it to their fans?🥺i’ve been having major baby fever lately lol. super sorry if this goes against any of your rules and it’s totally cool if you’re not comfortable writing it! :)”

description: in which they decide to tell their fans the major update in their lives

pairing: swaggersouls x female!reader

warnings: swearing, two uses of y/n, rpf

masterlist (one, two, three)

Being content creators with a very small social media presence outside of YouTube and Twitch made it incredibly easy to hide my pregnancy.

It’s not that we didn’t want to tell our fans. The majority of mine and Swagger’s relationship was online for everyone to see since we vlogged and gamed with each other regularly. If anything, it made more sense to tell everyone when I found out I was pregnant. And I had actually filmed most of my pregnancy to make one big vlog once the baby came.

But, like I said, the majority of our relationship was online. Not only that, but most of my life since I was in my late teens was online for the world to see. We decided that we wanted something for just ourselves, even just for a little while.

Neither of us posted on social media enough for it to be suspicious if we were suddenly MIA for months, and my face cam when I was streaming was always positioned in a way that showed me from my shoulders up, so my bump wasn’t on camera. The only thing my fans would notice was some weight gain in my face, which was easy to just say was because I had gained weight in general.

The other Misfits knew, of course. We told them shortly after we found out. Tobi was ecstatic that her son was going to have a Misfits friend. The guys were all happy for us, too, but Cam teased Swagger about being the last person in the group any of them expected to become a father.

“So, you’re giving up weed then?” Cam asked after we told him.

“Fuck no! I’ll go smoke outside instead.”

After nine long months, plus roughly six hours of labor, our baby girl came into the world and our family was complete.

She had Swagger wrapped around her tiny fingers from the second he laid his eyes on her. He loved her almost more than he loved our cats, which is definitely saying something. But, I did say almost.

A month or so after our daughter, Daisy, was born, Swagger and I were laid in bed together. I was reading while Swagger was watching stuff on his phone with little Daisy asleep on his chest. I kept glancing over at them and smiling at the sight. I couldn’t help it, seeing Swagger as a dad just made me happy. Especially seeing him with the little human that we made. It was hard to explain the level of joy I felt.

“Take a picture, it lasts longer,” Swagger said, giving me a playful smile.

I hadn’t even realized I was staring until that moment. I shook myself out of my thoughts and retorted, “That’s not as insulting as you think it is. If I could reach my phone, I’d take so many pictures of you right now.”

“Oh, I am well aware.” He reached out to hold my hand while trying to move very little as to not wake Daisy. “What had you thinking so hard anyways?”

I looked at Daisy again, another smile involuntarily tugging at the corners of my mouth. I just couldn’t help it.

Instead of telling him what I had actually been thinking about, I found myself saying, “Should we tell our viewers about Daisy soon?”

“We did say we’d announce it after she was born,” he said. “And they’ve definitely noticed that you haven’t vlogged in months.”

“Do you think it’s time?”

Swagger looked at Daisy and asked, “What do you think, Daisy? Should we tell the world you exist?” The baby let out a heavy sigh, but otherwise didn’t move or wake up. “I think that was a yes.”

~~~~~~

The next day, I broke out the old vlog camera that I hadn’t used since before I developed my baby bump. Surprisingly, the battery hadn’t died even from lack of use.

“This feels foreign,” I said as I turned the camera on. “I haven’t vlogged in ages. I wonder if I’ll even remember how to do it.”

“You’re just setting it up to sit in front of it,” Swagger teased.

“Hey, that’s hard to do when you haven’t worked a camera in, like, a year.” I set the camera up on the tripod and turned to him. “Sit your ass down, knight boy.”

“That was a terrible insult.”

Swagger sat down on the couch, wearing his ski mask and holding Daisy in his arms. He had her positioned in a way that her face was hidden from the camera. We both agreed that we would not be showing her face on camera while she was a kid, but we also thought it would be hilarious to start the video with Swagger just holding our baby that no one knew even existed.

“She’s going to be terrified if she wakes up and sees the mask,” I said as I sat next to him.

“She’ll have to get used to it eventually,” he said. “Maybe I’ll just walk around the house with it on.”

“Do not do that. I know you would use that as an excuse to just scare me.”

He gave me a look, and I could tell from his eyes that he was smirking under his mask.

“Anyways,” I said, turning away from him. “Hello. I know you guys are all wondering, what is this thing.” I gestured to Daisy.

“Thing,” Swagger snickered.

“This is our baby,” I said, ignoring him. “It is the bun I baked for nine months, and now here she is. And I know you’re also all wondering, (Y/N) and Swagger, when did you guys have a baby?”

“About a month ago,” Swagger responded. “And technically, (Y/N) had the baby. I just put the baby in her.”

“Yeah, thanks for that.” To the camera, I said, “We know you guys have so many questions. The short story is, we weren’t trying for a baby. It was definitely a shock to us both, but it was a good shock. Announcing my pregnancy wasn’t the first thing we thought of. Actually, it took, like, a week for us to realize we hadn’t said anything online about it, and at that point we kind of came to the conclusion that we wanted the pregnancy to be an us thing instead of a shared internet thing.”

“We were being very selfish,” Swagger said.

“But we’re not sorry,” I added.

“Oh, not at all. We love you guys, but sometimes we do need some privacy, and this was definitely one of those times.” He glanced down at Daisy, his eyes lighting up just looking at her. I decided against teasing him in that moment because it was just too cute. He continued, “And I’m going to answer the important question, which is no, not even becoming a father will stop me from smoking weed.”

I playfully rolled my eyes.

“Everyone was thinking it!” Swagger argued. “Obviously I’m not smoking 24/7, or around the baby, but I’m not giving it up all together. I’m not becoming a square just because I have a kid.”

“Should we tell everyone her name, or are we just going to keep calling her ‘the baby’?”

“I don’t see a problem with telling everyone her name.”

“Her name is Daisy.”

As if hearing her name, Daisy made a soft cooing noise and opened her eyes. Swagger moved her so she would look at me first. We were joking for the video before, but we were actually a little nervous about her reaction to seeing Swagger in his ski mask for the first time. It was something we’d have to ease her into when she was much older.

“Hey baby,” I said, taking her from Swagger. “Woke up to be in your first ever video, huh? You’re ready to be a star.”

She looked up at me with her big, brown eyes. Ever since she was born, everyone said she looked exactly like me, but not her eyes. She definitely had Swagger’s eyes.

“That’s it, I guess,” I said. “We’re going to take some time to take care of this one and get used to having a baby, then we’ll be back to regular streams and uploads eventually. Uh...yeah. Bye, I guess?” I looked over to Swagger. “Can you turn the camera off? I’m holding Daisy.”

He got up and did as I asked. Once the camera was off, he pulled off the ski mask and tossed it off to the side. “That went well.”

“I’m weirdly nervous about it,” I admitted. “My heart is pounding. Daisy can definitely feel it.”

“You don’t have to be nervous. I don’t think anyone is going to react poorly to us announcing we’re parents now.”

“I’d doubt it, but weirdly I still am.”

Swagger sat down next to me and put an arm around my shoulder. I leaned into him, stretching my legs out and resting Daisy on them so she could look at the both of us. She was very interested in her surroundings. According to my mom, babies can only see so far when they’re first born, and their vision increases as time goes on. I’m not sure if that’s completely true, but it was adorable to think that she was just now seeing everything for the first time.

“I can’t believe we made this,” I said. “We made a whole human being.”

“We can make another one, if you want.”

I shot him a look. “No way. My body does not need to go through that ever again. We can practice, though.”

“Deal.” He pulled me close and kissed the top of my head.

#swaggersouls #swaggersouls imagine #swaggersouls x reader #misfits #misfits imagine #imagine #one shot #request #fanfiction #fanfic #fandom #rpf

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russellsppttemplates · 1 year

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The Gaslys and the Leclercs on vacation (Pierre Gasly)

Continuing the tradition, the Gaslys and Leclercs go on a vacation together

Note: english is not my first language. Since my last post was a dad!Charles piece, here's some for Pierre

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated, and while I'm not actively taking requests, I am writing some blurbs when I can (usually at nighttime when I can, and I must mention that it has been a while) so if you have any ideas or concepts that can be written in a small amount of sentences and you want to share, feel free to do so! ✨️🩶

After what felt like endless text messages in the group chat, hours of planning in the hospitality while your husbands and kids were busy somewhere else, you and Charles' wife had managed to book an entire 10 day vacation for your families to enjoy some time together. "Do we have everything?", Pierre said as he closed the boot of the car, counting all the suitcases, "four kids are in, and there's me and you", you chuckled, "yes, I'd think the adults are an important part of this all", he joked as he got inside the car with you, "are we mad for going on holiday as four adults and seven kids?", you asked, feeling overwhelmed at the math of it all, "the boys are big enough and they usually behave well, Élodie and Amélie also get along great, honestly it's Celeste that's maybe the harder question and, fortunately she is a very calm baby", he soothed your worries, "plus, we all understand what it is to be surrounded by them all the time. Promise me you'll enjoy these days", he said as he grabbed your hand to kiss your knuckles, "I will, can't wait to catch up with them and spend some time in the sun without the smell of fuel", you smiled as he checked in the kids for the the last time before he started driving you to the airport. The six of you arrived at the airport, buggies for the smaller children as the older ones could walk just fine on their own, "there you are!", you heard Charles call for you as you approached them, Alexandre letting go of your hand as he ran to meet up Hervé, the two hugging eachother as if they hadn't seen eachother in years, "I have this very cool game I want to show you!", your oldest said to his friend as you greeted everyone, hair ruffles for the kids and hugs to their parents, "this is one big group, hm? Just imagine all of them in a plane with other people", you chuckled as you heard shrieks of excitement and squeals all around, "they just nearly drive us mad, so it wouldn't be long until all the aunts on the plan to throw us death glares", Charles' wife said while one of the flight attendants from the jet welcomed you inside, helping the kids settle in while the luggage was being put away.

The flight had gone smoothly-ish, Celeste having some trouble settling down with the noise from the engine, the take off not being pleasant for her, making you get up once you were able to safely and bounce while you walked in the small space, Élodie, as usual, and Amélie fascinated with your ten month old as they wanted to help you with her in anything they could, "she's like a doll", they said as they took turns in holding her bottle close to her mouth, Charles and Pierre laughing at their excitement over something so simple while the boys played on their iPads.

"Do they need it again?", your husband said as you got up from his embrace to help Charles' wife bring her kids back around to put suncream on them, "they are Charles' kids, no amount of suncream is ever enough", you said as his wife pointed her finger, indicating you were saying the truth, "they really don't take the sun that well, bless them, tiny little shrimps we're going to have if I don't top them up regularly", she said before thanking you and handing you a bottle of product to put on their skin, "guys", you called your okw too, "Come here so you can put this on too, and no fussing, please", you called as you watched your oldest slump his shoulders and his siblings following suit, "and that is why they're your kids", you said as you watched your husband over your sunglasses, pushing them back up on the bridge of your nose before he slapped your waist playfully, his hand coming to check on Celeste who was sleeping in her bassinet in the shade.

A while later, while the kids were snacking by the pool on the sunbeds, all wrapped up in their towells as they chatted about a mixture of subjects, you and Charles' wife caught up with life while your husbands took the opportunity to go for a quick workout, "Do you ever think about another one?", you asked as you noticed her shining eyes as she fed Celeste on her lap, "don't get me wrong, but three is enough. Although we have the means and everything is going well, I think the Leclercs are where they should be", she smiled sweetly as you nodded, Celeste finding amusement in the details of her swimsuit and running her hands through the beads, "Mama, can we go in the water now?", Louis asked you, "Not so soon, mon coeur, why don't you go and play with the toys we brought?", you answered as they seemed to remember the toys the boys insisted on bringing, an array of puzzles and some comic books they had recently taken an interest in, "C'mon, Alexandre, you're really going to like this one, it's about space!", Thomas said excitedly as he pushed his friends to go inside, leaving the girls outside, "Amélie, Élodie, aren't you joining us?", Hervé asked them before they shook their heads, "No, we're going to stay here and talk about girly things", your second child said as she waved them off, "girly things? Are we talking about boyfriends or girlfriends?", you teased them as you heard their giggles, "No, mama, we don't want those", she replied as they got back to their chats, seeing their fathers arrive from their workout, "have you two ditched your brothers?", Charles said as he kissed his daughter, his hand coming to tickle Élodie who always let out a big laugh whenever he did it, "they're playing inside, papa", she said before they made their way up to you, Celeste playing with some soft toys you carried with you at all times since you never knew when you'd need to crack them out to entertain her, "Hello, little one", Pierre said as he grabbed his daughter so she could sit on his lap as he sat next to you, Charles doing the same with his wife, "they seem to be invested in it", Charles commented, "just wait until they get competitive, or Louis comes running because Alexandre was cheating", Pierre said as he grabbed one of the finger puppets, "aren't they doing puzzles? How can you cheat in puzzles?", Charles asked, "Oh, don't even question him with that, we spent half an hour the other day explaining to him that seeing the colours around the piece and getting the clue from there was not cheating and was actually they goal of puzzles", you said as you scratched the back of your neck, remembering the tantrum you and Pierre had to deal with.

You decided to have dinner outside the house for a change, choosing a local restaurant that seemed quite calm and give you some privacy, even despite the fact that you had seven children with you and, like so, you should probably be worried about that instead, "how about some pasta for the kids? All they eat throughout the day is just picking at things and snack bits, maybe something a bit more consistent for this meal", Charles tempted as the adults nodded, the kids cheering, "and some fries, mama, please?", you heard Thomas ask his mother, "sure, mon petit", she chuckled at his big smile, "just don't be surprised if they all go missing when they her here, I hear Pierre and Y/N are big fans", she teased as he looked at you with furrowed eyebrows, "it's okay, we can share", he smiled.

The food arrived quite quickly and everyone started eating, the kids eventually finding ways to mess with the adults wether it was over stolen fries, kisses with pasta sauce covered lips and sitting on your laps, "can we get some ice cream? Please?", Hervé asked as Pierre checked with everyone, ordering dessert for the kids as well as some treats for you. It was nearly 1am when Élodie and Amélie insisted they would sing some nursery rhyme they found out they both knew, Hervé laying against his mother's chest while his brother kept trying to keep his eyes open, Thomas and Celeste somehow out for the night as Louis asked you "mama, they're going to stop eventually, right?".

#pierre gasly × reader #pierre gasly fic #pierre gasly imagine #pierre gasly fluff #f1 imagine #f1 fic #f1 x reader

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holdinbacksecrets · 4 months

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hii lovely, do you have any fic recs?

actually while we’re at it, your writings and the things you reblog are just beautiful, do you have any book recs too?

i have so many! and thank you for sharing kind words 🖤

my bts side blog is @sayeuphoria and my fic rec tags are ‘sticky feelings’ and ‘sweet like honey’

i’ll also make a little list of my favorite fics and ones i go back to regularly. the majority of these are 18+. mdni

also, please interact with fics you love. reblog them! reblog them with tags! reblog them with comments! send an ask or message to the author! but please reblog. you know how good it feels to take yourself out for a little treat? that’s how reblogs feel, and they make writers want to keep writing. it warms the hearts of writers to know someone was touched by our work, and a part of a piece that we’re really proud of ended up being someone’s favorite part of the fic. plus, don’t you want others to read your favorite pieces?? reblog to help people find them 🖤 it’s a potluck, and if you aren’t bringing a dish (which is totally fine), at least be willing to slice and serve some cake!

Rattled by @gukslut i first read this series over the summer of 2021, and i think about it on a weekly, sometimes daily basis. i reread it every six months. it’s an absolute gem, impeccably written. one of my favorite jungkook’s i’ve ever read

My feet to follow, and my heart to hold by @daechwitatamic i read this series as it was being posted last year, and i used to wake up so excited on the morning of a new chapter. this namjoon unleashed something in me, and i’ve been left craving love more than i used to. i love the presence of poetry too.

Guarded by @xjoonchildx this series was the first mafia au story i read and fucking loved. i’ve gone back to it so many times. i love the way hoseok’s perception of oc changes as the story progresses. oh so good and satisfying.

these blurbs by @darlingjoon tore me in half and stitched me back together

i’m a sucker for angst, and i love all the angst my lovely friend @taetaespeaches writes, especially for yoongi. perfection, but i’m going to drop some of my favorite titles of her fantastic, beautifully written work:

“i thought you left.” yoongi

“You know that I would ruin myself over and over again for you.” yoongi

“I didn’t think you’d care if I came back.” yoongi

“You’ve been my future since we were teenagers.” taehyung

“Let me hold you. Let me take care of you.” taehyung

“I may or may not have met someone.” taehyung

“You think I’d leave you if you falter?” jungkook

my @here2bbtstrash favorites:

deep end namjoon. this fic changed my life.

the shape of your body jimin

the spins jungkook

Love cafe by @chocosvt this jeonghan piece!!!!! AHHHHHHHH! the whole piece is amazing, but there were some scenes that were especially sweet and endearing. i remember sending a friend screenshots of dialogue freaking out.

i was so excited to share @by-moonflower-deactivated202401 bc their writing is incredible, piercing, and feels so nostalgic, but oh shit 😭😭 just learned they deactivated ☹️

book recs:

i’ve read almost everything by taylor jenkins reid, and i’ll recommend her books forever.

last year i read the book of azrael by amber v nicole and loved it. it’s a dark fantasy romance. i haven’t read the sequel yet.

this year, so far, i’ve read days at the morisaki bookshop. it’s a quick read but very sweet and comforting, with life lessons just beneath the surface. i’ve also read heavenly bodies by imani erriu. it had me screaming and kicking my feet. i posted about it here a few days ago. i’m reading the sequel right now.

dub finding ceremony by alexis pauline gumbs is a book i read my senior year of college, and it inspired a lot of writing for my independent studies prose class. braiding sweetgrass by robin wall kimmerer is another beautiful read.

#s talks #lovely nonnie #fic recs #book recs

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frameacloud · 1 year

Text

How to archive Twitter accounts before they get deleted for inactivity

What is happening to inactive accounts on Twitter?

Twitter is a social media site that started in 2006. 450 million people use it to make tiny blog posts, “tweets.” On May 8, 2023, the site's current CEO tweeted, "We’re purging accounts that have had no activity at all for several years, so you will probably see follower count drop" (archive). The purge is already deleting records of historic events and of people who died. We must hurry to preserve copies of them.

When those accounts are deleted, I can finally get the username I always wanted, right?

No. The CEO tweeted that this would "free up abandoned handles" (archive), but Twitter's policy still says (since 2008) that they will only give away a handle to someone if it is their registered trademark.

Will Twitter itself save an archive of inactive accounts?

The CEO tweeted, "The accounts will be archived" (Archive of that tweet). That’s the only official mention of it. There is still no sign of those archives, and no word about where those archives will be. We assume that "the accounts will be archived" only if we archive them for ourselves. Even if Twitter eventually reveals it has its own archive somewhere, we would still be wise to save other archives off-site. We can't assume that Twitter will always be around.

What happens to accounts that are inactive because the user died?

A social media account is like a collection of old postcards and photos in a memory album. For artists, it may be the last gallery of their life’s work. Facebook, Instagram, Livejournal, and Furaffinity give a memorial status to an account after its user has died, so it won’t get deleted. Not Twitter: it lets family members delete the account of a deceased person, but it has never guarded such accounts against being deleted for inactivity. That can only be prevented by having someone regularly sign in. Moderators will not help anyone sign into an account, regardless of their relationship to the deceased.

What does Twitter see as an inactive account?

The CEO changed Twitter’s inactive account policy so you must log into your account at least once every thirty days to keep it from being inactive. It used to say six months. You can’t tell whether someone else’s account is inactive if they don’t have recent posts.

Does this mean Twitter will delete accounts that have been inactive for only thirty days?

It’s unclear. The policy also says "Accounts may be permanently removed due to prolonged inactivity." It has always said that. And how long is “prolonged inactivity”? It doesn’t say.

Suppose if the policy now means that an account may be deleted if it’s been inactive for one month, or several months. That would tend to delete the accounts of organizations like NPR and PBS that chose to stop using Twitter, people who take a break from social media, people who couldn't sign in while suffering from a serious illness or accident, and active duty military on deployment.

The CEO's tweet said they are purging accounts that have been inactive "for several years" (archive). He started threatening to give away NPR's handle when they had been inactive for less than a month, though.

What does it look like when an account has been deleted for inactivity?

This tweet from May 8 shows a screenshot of an account that was deleted for inactivity after its user died (archive and context with proof). Nothing remains but a username and an error message. It says: "Account suspended. Twitter suspends accounts that violate the Twitter Rules." They look the same as accounts that moderators deleted for breaking rules. Twitter doesn’t show the date that an account was deleted or suspended.

What is the easiest way to archive a Twitter? How do I save one to the Wayback Machine?

The Internet Archive is a nonprofit organization that runs the Wayback Machine, which is a website for saving a copy of other websites. If any website goes away, but an old copy of it has been saved to the Wayback Machine, then anyone can still visit that old copy. You can ask the Wayback Machine to save a copy of a Twitter account. This is the easiest way. Go to this particular page of the Wayback Machine: https://web.archive.org/save

In the text box, write https://twitter.com/ and then the username of the Twitter account that you want to save. For example, here is the format I used to save a copy of the account of Kohiyote, a furry fan and photographer who died in 2022: https://twitter.com/kohiyote If you write the address in this format, then a checkbox will appear. The box says, "Archive up to 3,200 most recent Tweets from this Twitter profile."

[Image description: that screen in the Wayback Machine. A green arrow points at the checkbox mentioned. Description ends.]

Check that box. Hit save. The Wayback Machine will take care of the rest for you, during the next few hours or days.

We hope that the Internet Archive Wayback Machine will always exist. Unfortunately, their nonprofit is being sued, in the case of Hachette v. Internet Archive. You would be wise to donate to the Internet Archive to help keep them running, and to save another archive of the Twitter account to your own computer too.

How do I save an archive of a Twitter account to my computer? One that I can use offline, or that I can put up on my personal website for other people to see?

This next method has a few more steps, but you don't need to know how to write code or other advanced computer skills. You check some buttons in a program, and then it will automatically take care of saving an archive of the Twitter account for you. Thanks to Doppel Draconius for his many hours of work finding ways to make this method as efficient as possible.

You'll use HTTrack, which is free software for saving a copy of a web site to your own computer. Download HTTrack from here: http://httrack.com/ Open the program and tell it to start a new project.

Name the project the username of the account that you want to save. Click next.

In the drop-down menu for "action," choose "download web site."

In the box that says "web addresses," instead of the regular Twitter address, you're going to use a front-end for Twitter called Nitter. Many sites run their own instance of Nitter. If one of the Nitter sites is down, use a different one. You can find a list of them on GitHub.

In the web address box, put the address of the Nitter instance, and then the Twitter username. For example, if I choose to archive Kohiyote’s account through the Nitter.net instance, the format would be https://nitter.net/kohiyote

Then, below that box, click the button that says "Set options." This opens a preferences window that has several tabs on the top.

Click the "scan rules" tab. Copy and paste this into the text box:

-* +*nitter*.css +*nitter*.js -ad.doubleclick.net/* -mime:application/foobar +*nitter*.gif +*nitter*.jpg +*nitter*.jpeg +*nitter*.png +*nitter*.tif +*nitter*.bmp +*nitter*.mov +*nitter*.mpg +*nitter*.mpeg +*nitter*.avi +*nitter*.asf +*nitter*.mp3 +*nitter*.mp2 +*nitter*.rm +*nitter*.wav +*nitter*.vob +*nitter*.qt +*nitter*.vid +*nitter*.ac3 +*nitter*.wma +*nitter*.wmv +*nitter*USERNAME* +*nitter*/pic/* +*nitter*/media/*

When you’ve pasted that text, replace USERNAME with the Twitter handle that you're working on. These rules make HTTrack download only what is part of the account that you meant.

After that, here are the settings that you should do in the other relevant tabs:

[Image description: four screenshots of four different tabs in the preferences window.

The first screenshot is the “Limits” tab. Set “maximum mirroring depth” to 9999999999. Set “maximum external depth” to zero. This is so that only links with the username would be scraped. Set “max transfer rate” to 9999999999. Set “max connections / seconds” to 1000. This is important! Otherwise it would be super slow. Set “maximum number of links” to 9999999999. This is so it won’t cut off too soon. The second screenshot is the “Flow control” tab. Set “number of connections” to 8. The third screenshot is the “Links” tab. Tick the checkbox that says “attempt to detect all links.” Tick the checkbox that says “get non-HTML files related to a link.” Optional: tick the checkbox that says “get HTML files first,” because you want to preserve text first before pictures or video. The fourth screenshot is the “Spider” tab. In the second drop-down menu, select “No robots.txt rules.” This is because there are no rules in an emergency data rescue. Wink.

Description ends.]

Then click okay, which closes the preference window. Click next. Then click finish. Now HTTrack will start downloading the Twitter profile in a way that looks very similar to how it was meant to look. It might take a few minutes or hours. It will save the most recent 3,200 tweets, with conversation threads and pictures.

Later, when the program says it's done, you should open the archived web site to verify that it worked correctly. When you click the index file, it should open in your web browser and look like a normal web site. The one difference is that the web address box should show that the files are in directories on your own computer. That means you’re browsing an offline copy. It should have saved more than just the first page of tweets. Click through until you find the oldest tweet it saved, and notice the date. When you click on a thread or a picture, they should open.

If all looks well, view the archived files themselves in their folder. The folder’s file size depends on how many pictures and videos it saved. So far, the smallest Twitter account we downloaded was eleven megabytes. The biggest was eleven gigabytes. You can send the folder to a friend. If you upload it to a personal website, other people can see it there as part of your site.

How come both of these methods only save the most recent 3,200 tweets? How do I save a complete archive of a Twitter account that has more than 3,200 tweets?

Twitter is designed to stop anyone from going further back, with some exceptions. There are ways to save a complete archive of an account that has 3,200+ tweets. I won’t tell those here, because we don’t want Twitter to shut off the possibility.

How do I save an archive of a protected Twitter account?

Protected Twitter accounts have a padlock icon next to their name. Only followers they approve can see their tweets, likes, and list of followers/following. These users don’t want their twitters to be public. You should respect their wishes. These accounts are as vulnerable to deletion as any other. I don't know any automated method to archive them.

I need help archiving Twitters... or I want to help. Who can I ask?

Contact me. My friends and I have been working hard to archive vulnerable accounts. Tell us usernames of such accounts. We write them in a spreadsheet, where we split up the work, and log what we’ve done.

#twitter #how to twitter #archiving #original post #long post #very long post #rated G #screen reader friendly

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aheckinmess · 3 months

Text

Hollow Harmony || Present Mic x OC

(One-shot series 3/3 chapters posted - posted regularly on Saturdays.)

Read on AO3.

Tags: Graphic violence, Hizashi Yamada x OC, Present Mic, Present Mic saves the day, Hizashi Yamada is a ray of sunshine, angst, hurt/comfort, smut, fluff, pro hero to the rescue, learning how to people again, no longer a puppet, wedding time

Word Count: 5,127 words

Summary: One year after breaking free of a horrible life, Ichijiku has made great strides in her mental health and trauma, as well as her relationship with Hizashi. As their impending wedding approaches, Ichijiku starts worrying about the possible roadblocks intimacy could create. One apathetic Aizawa lends his aide and advice.

Author's Note: I haven't posted fanfiction in years, but after a two-year obsession with My Hero Academia, I have more than enough content to share. This first series is pretty dark, but there's some comfort and sweetness along the way. Enjoy.

Content Warning: Smut included in this chapter.

Chapter 3: Harmonious Happenings

Ichijiku (Tigress)

"Are you ready to head home?"

"No. I need to walk around a little bit. I want to talk to you about something, but I'm not sure how to bring up the subject."

"Is this about physical intimacy with Hizashi?"

I look up at Shouta with shock and disbelief. I knew even before we became friends that he was good at reading Hizashi's mind, but damn! Is he sure erasure is his only quirk? Telepathy seems to come in at a close second. But I can't help it. Such a topic while walking down the street makes my cheeks turn pink. "Y-Yes. Am I that obvious?"

"That...was just a lucky guess." He admits with a drawl. "You've been acting a little off since he proposed to you. It's been, what, six months?" As if you're not keeping count, Logic Boi. He's your best friend.

"Yeah...the wedding will be coming up any day now." That's brought on a whole new wave of conflicted emotions. "I guess I'm just starting to get really anxious. I'm scared."

"About the preparations or about marrying Hizashi?"

"Well, a little of both. But mostly the marrying Zashi part." I admit, fidgeting with the ends of my sleeves in the autumn breeze. "This time last year I almost cut him out of my life entirely for similar reasons. But it's not the same. I'm scared because if he ends up like Kigai–"

"I'll personally wring his neck for you." Shouta finishes for me. "Hizashi is one of the most easy-going people I know. He won't take advantage of you like that. You've been with him long enough to know that. There's something else you're afraid of then, right?"

Damn Logic Boi.

"Right..." I sigh, wondering if this is a conversation I should be having with him and not my therapist. Ms. Sheila said having friends and confidants to talk to are just as important. "I'm worried that...I won't be able to be that intimate with him like he wants right away."

"Okay. Why does that worry you?"

"Because I," Warmth starts creeping into my neck. "Because I've...been able to tell that he gets excited...ahem and I've been privy to that too. So I'm scared that he'll think he's obligated to it once we're married."

"When he first wanted to kiss you, did he seem to think he was obligated to it?"

I blink up at him. "You know about that?"

"Ichi, Hizashi was bouncing off the walls before he went to that hibachi place with you. I'm surprised you got through the first three minutes without him confessing his love on the spot." It sounds so amusing with his dry delivery.

"Oh." Was I really that oblivious? Wow, guess you really are more stupider than I thought. You were still hypervigilant and afraid. It's only natural you'd have missed the signs. "Well...no, he didn't seem to think he was obligated to it, I don't guess."

"Then what makes you think he'd feel obligated to sex?" His tone isn't judgmental, just curious. I'm grateful for it.

"Well, it's different than a kiss, you know? I mean people kiss each other all the time. It's a lot easier to say no...or to stop if it gets too scary." My poor sleeves go through the wringer as I start rambling. A man passing by yells so loudly that I flinch. "B-But it's much harder with sex. If I think I'm okay to start but have to stop, I can't just tell him no in the middle like when we kiss."

"Why not?"

"Because then he'll be mad." I whimper. Eucalyptus tickles my nostrils and I grip my chest and the front of my shirt. "He'll be mad and then he'll hit me and leave me alone."

"Ichi, you're gripping your shirt. Take a deep breath." Shouta instructs.

"Shit. Not now. I'm sorry." I put my face in my hands and grip my hair. "I'm so sorry."

"Take a deep breath. You're safe. He's not here now and you're walking on the sidewalk with me. There's a fire hydrant coming up and a woman rocking her baby while she waits on the bench for a bus. The streets are chatty but not bustling and the wind is cold. Someone's selling fried rice because I can smell it from here. Breathe." He says, immersing me in my present surroundings like my therapist has advised me to do.

Rough sidewalk. Red fire hydrant. Baby crying. Screeching bus tires. Cold wind. Fried rice...with shrimp and broccoli. The visual and sensual cues help me the most. It helps ground me in the present. I inhale and I exhale and the eucalyptus starts to fade. Kigai's hand ghosts my shoulder but I focus on the white lines drawn on the crosswalk and a little girl's cheerful laugh as she swings her doll around. It was the guy yelling that sent me out of it. We're still in the present. Everything is okay. That's it, Little One. Good job.

"Thank you." I take one final breath and glance at him for a moment before I regroup and go back to my original conversation. "Anyway...it's just not the same, Shouta."

"Of course it's the same. You're allowed to tell him to stop at all times. Whether that's before or during the act." Shouta reassures me.

This is new information that makes me pause. You're being a little tease, aren't you? Telling me you want it and changing your mind? Bullshit! You're mine and you'll do exactly as I tell you! I nearly halt right in the middle of the sidewalk, but I power through, needing to have this conversation. I need to talk to someone and hopefully get some coping strategies before I have to pull through this with Zashi. Shouta's probably one of the best people to do that with. He knows him so well.

"Kigai...stopped caring about what I had to say the first time I tried to resist." I admit, tapping my teeth together in my mouth as I purposefully avoid eye contact.

"That's rape." Shouta's voice changes. He still sounds apathetic, but I've learned there are certain intonations where I can tell he's upset. This is one of those times. "Only a scumbag would do that."

"So if I decide to try but...we're in the middle...erm, doing stuff and I get uncomfortable...I can tell him to stop?" I rub my arms nervously, but not because I'm flustered about the subject now. It's because ghostly memories haunt the edge of my mind. "He won't...be angry with me?"

"Let me make this abundantly clear," Shouta begins as I unlock my door to my house and he helps me bring in my wedding finds. I have him set them on the counter while I close and lock the door. "Hizashi can be balls deep inside you and you're allowed to tell him to stop. Knowing Hizashi, who knows about your situation, he'll communicate with you how he needs to stop. If he needs to pull back entirely, if he just needs to wait for you to take a breath and continue, that sort of thing. Hizashi's not going to be angry at you for needing time to work through anything. You lived through hell for three years, Ichijiku. Both he and I and our other friends know that takes time to get over."

I can't help but laugh. Not only because it feels like a weight's been lifted from my shoulders, but also because I'd never expected to hear Shouta Aizawa say the words balls deep inside you to me of all people.

"That's encouraging to know. Thanks, Shouta."

"Of course. And if he ends up whining about it, I'll threaten to cut the circulation from his testicles and he won't have to worry about it at all."

. . . . .

Time flashes by until I'm adorned in a beautiful white dress with my hair twirled and curled in intricate fashion to frame my features. Anxieties ripple through my skin until I see Hizashi standing at the end of the aisle. My heart grows and swells inside my chest until I make it to his side, glowing with joy that he looks so awed and proud as I step up beside him. I give Shouta and Oboro a wave. Nemuri winks at me when I turn back to that side.

And then everything rushes by in a blur. We repeat our vows to the ordained and God, exchange a kiss that makes me dizzy, and then suddenly my last name is Yamada. The after party flurries by because I'd asked for a smaller ceremony, to which Hizashi thankfully obliged.

It's when we start getting closer to our honeymoon destination that I start getting nervous. Just breathe, Cub, remember what Shouta said. He won't do anything you're not ready for. That's the problem. I want to be ready for that. I have a high libido. I'm more than ready physically...but...I'm not at the same time. It frustrates me. Why wouldn't it frustrate him? Everything is going to be okay. When we finally make it to the beach house, Hizashi fully picks me up bridal style to walk me through the threshold. "I heard this was a tradition, so I thought I'd treat you." He laughs, setting me down once we get inside. He looks around. "Damn. This place is nice!"

He's not wrong. I look around and instantly feel the comfort of being in a large space to call my own for the next two weeks. "Oh, look!" There's a little basket setting on the coffee table in the living space. When I pad over to look at it, I flush with a nervous chuckle. "Eeps. It's from Nemuri." I can already see the pink thong sticking out in a folded flower and quickly walk in the other direction. "Y-You can look at that. I'm going to go try and get out of this dress."

"Would you like some help? Can you reach the zipper?" He asks as he also forgoes the gift offering for now.

I swallow, take a deep breath, and nod. "Yes, please." As much as I'm scared of what might come next, I can't get my dress off alone.

We make our way to the room we'll be staying in. My anxiety heightens as I'm innately aware of how close Hizashi is. I pull him into the master bathroom so I can start working on getting all of the pins out of my hair while watching him as he works the zipper.

"Hey, are you okay?" He asks me once he's got the dress hanging open for me to step out. I notice he's looking me over from the back, but he doesn't touch me. "Your breathing is off."

"I'm a little nervous." I don't feel the need to elaborate.

I wring my fingers and twist my newly acquired ring as I look down at it. Then I step out of my dress and start looking for my overnight bag full of clothes.

"Nervous?" Hizashi asks before his eyes widen and he seems to understand. "Oh! Oh. Hey, you don't have to be nervous, lovebug." He crosses over to me as I rifle through my bag and kisses my cheek, but doesn't even move to hug me while I'm half naked in front of him. "I won't do anything you don't want to. You excite me, sure, but tonight doesn't have to be about anything sexual if you don't want it to be." He chuckles to lighten the atmosphere. "Just don't mind me if my body responds. I'm a big boy, I'll be able to handle it even if I can't help what my body does."

I start pulling on some lounge clothes, exhausted from the long social day. When I turn to him, I carefully plant myself against his chest.

"That's...that's the problem. I want...I want you. I'm just scared of wanting you, because I'm scared of how I'll respond. I'm scared I'll disappoint you. I'm scared you'll be mad and it'll ruin everything." I swallow thickly.

He's quiet for a moment, which means a lot coming from Hizashi because he's usually so vocal. It makes me feel good to know he's really thinking this over and choosing his words carefully for me. His hands rub my back and I feel him plant a kiss on the top of my head. Safe. He's safe.

"Well, let's talk about how you want to address it then." He holds my chin delicately to make me look up at him. "Is it something you'd like to try tonight? Or something you want to try sometime this week? Or even further down the line?" He pauses before adding. "Before you answer, know that any of your answers are acceptable, lovebug. I'm willing to work with you. I know it's hard for you."

My eyes get glassy. How is he so wonderful? I have to push forward again to hug him tight, sniffling as I'm overwhelmed with affection that over three years ago I thought didn't exist - or if it did, I thought I'd never get to have it.

"I want..." I take a deep breath and gauge the swirling emotions in my gut. "I want to try...tonight...and throughout the week?" I pause again. "I don't want...to let Kigai influence how I react to you because I know you're not him." I squeeze him in my arms and am rewarded with a squeeze back. "But I don't know...how...to try it. I don't know what I'll be comfortable with or if I'll freak out. And that scares me."

"Hmm," He hugs me for a moment as he thinks. "Why don't we start with baby steps, lovebug? Would you like to try a shower together? That way you can just get used to me in your general vicinity without making any moves on you? Or do you need a smaller step than that?"

I think it over. That should be fine to start...knowing if I can handle him naked in my proximity...that would be good to know to begin with. And if you can't, just tell him that. He'll slow down for you. He's already made that pretty clear. Right...right. "I think we can try that." I agree, before pulling back and fidgeting with my pajama sleeves.

"Alright, well...how do you want to start this, then?" He asks, before he leans over to start the shower. "I guess to start with I'll let you choose the water temperature."

"Thanks." I focus heavily on my breathing for the next few moments, reaching in and adjusting the nozzles until I'm ready to turn on the shower. When that's done, I take a deep breath. "Okay...okay." Ms. Sheila said a good tip was to relax and start with what I'm comfortable with. "Can I have a kiss?"

Hizashi finally breaks into a smile and leans down to close the distance and set his hands on my hips to pull me closer. I'm used to this by now, it feels safe and familiar. I tug at his lip and run my hands along his chest over his shirt. As I feel more comfortable, I tentatively move my fingers under his shirt to do the same thing, just against his skin.

We're okay. We've done some of this before. I'm safe. This is Zashi. I move my fingers up his chest and around his neck. helping him wiggle out of his shirt. When I pull back for air, I'm rewarded with a delectably handsome sight that fills me full of longing...and fear.

I have to remember to breathe as I drink him in. Even though it's just his top half, I can already feel my tummy flipping and warmth make my body tingle. My fingers tremble when I rub my fingers over his abs.

"Are you okay?" He asks me through heavy breaths. "Do you need a minute or can I take off the rest?"

I squeak and hide behind my hands for a moment. It's okay. He's okay. He's safe. Breathe.

"Y-Yeah. If...if I need you to stop, I'll tell you." I promise.

I'm both fully and not at all prepared for when he pulls down the rest of his clothes. My breath gets shaky, but not for reasons I thought it'd be. My body is flooded with desire and eagerness. A soft sound escapes me when his cock starts to harden. Glory, glory what a hell of a way to die, indeed. I want it. You're mine, slut. Shut your fucking mouth, fiend. I tense involuntarily for a moment.

Hizashi clears his throat and asks, "Do you want me to watch you undress too? Or would you rather I hop in the shower first and wait for you?"

"Can, um," I hold my shoulder shyly and flush darkly. "Can you hop in first?"

He kisses my cheek. "Of course." And then he takes off his glasses and disappears behind the curtain.

It takes me a few moments to re-coordinate my mind and breathe, but when I do, I feel comfortable enough to strip down and ready myself. It's going to be fine. It's going to be okay. He won't hurt you, Cub. He's safe. And then I step into the shower.

As promised, Hizashi keeps his distance. He doesn't even look at me for a while as he just lets the water run over him. When he finally does catch my eyes, I don't miss how his eyes widen. He makes a little grunt and his cock twitches again, but to his credit he restrains himself.

"Didn't know it was possible for you to look even more gorgeous without clothes, but here we are." He teases with a wink, before going back to getting cleaned off.

His comment simultaneously fuels my lust and allays my fears. He...he didn't just grab me and have his way. He's being very careful and sweet and...god, it's hot. I manage to make it through the entirety of the shower without feeling too uncomfortable or having a panic attack. The closest I get to panic is when he asks about a scar on my back where Kigai threw a book at me. Somehow, though, I manage to get through an explanation without crying.

When we hop out and dry off, my emotions begin growing more intense. There's a wet place between my legs that I simply can't dry off. We get dry and I stand up on my toes to pull him into a fiery kiss that draws a moan from deep inside. God, that feels better than I ever expected.

His response is eager but hesitant. He doesn't fully touch me until I guide his hands to my bare hips. His arousal presses against my belly in a mutual desire as I move my arms back around his neck and grip him tight. All of the hot and heavy needs rolling around my body have me seeing stars. I pull back with heavy pants and press my forehead against his to look at him hungrily.

"W-Why don't...we move this to the bed?" My neck heats up as I ask.

"Are you sure?" Worry flickers in his eyes.

"I'm sure. I'll tell you if I'm not."

"Then, may I carry you?" He asks first, hands hovering until I nod. Only then does he pick me up with a flourish and carry me over to the bed. He gently lays me across the pillows. "How do you want me?"

Not Kigai. Not Kigai. Not Kigai. I remind myself as he looks down at me so softly. I rub his arms and pull at him to urge him further down. Okay. It's fine. This feels good. He feels warm. "Kiss me more?" I request.

"Happily." He obliges, tasting like spearmint gum and wedding cake.

We make out like this for at least five minutes, though it feels like an eternity of blissful intimacy. I can feel Hizashi get harder the longer we go, and I could swear I've accumulated a little puddle between my thighs by now. So I brave the waters and skim my fingers along his sides, up his arms, and guide him to squeeze a breast.

The jolt of excitement I feel draws a moan from me. The surprise I feel is so palpable my eyes flash open and I grip his hair to pull him closer. I like that. I'm not scared of him. I want more. This is nothing like it was with Kigai. Good job, Little One. But be mindful; don't let your guard down. I heed the tiger's voice. As much as I want to go feral and pick up the pace, I want to be cautious. I've learned through therapy and non-sexual experiences that even when it starts out easy, sometimes my trauma hits me out of nowhere.

Thankfully, Hizashi's gentle hands help keep me in a right frame of mind. He squeezes my breasts again before pulling back for a moment, rubbing his thumb slowly over my nipples.

"Is this okay, lovebug?"

"Yes." I purr, arching up into his hands eagerly. "I like that a lot."

"Tell me if it becomes too much." He reminds me, before he kisses the little valley between both breasts. "Is that okay?"

"Mhmm..." I massage the hand massaging me. "You can use your mouth, I think. It should be okay."

Even though I assure him, he still moves slowly as he puts his tongue to work. He starts on the least sensitive spot on the soft flesh outside of my boob and slowly works back in to my nipple, asking before he moves in each time. Once he seems to think I've been properly doted upon up there, he pulls back with that familiar worried glaze in his eyes.

"You think you'll be okay if I work my way down? I don't want to rush you."

I gauge my emotions and arousal. My heart's haywire, but not from fear. I'm pretty sure I'll orgasm if he plays his cards right (something Kigai never managed despite touting his conquest of me anytime he could).

"I think it'll be okay. But can you keep moving slowly?" I plead, looking up at him with all the fondness and vulnerability I can muster.

"Of course. I never want to hurt you." He kisses me sweetly, moves up to press another kiss on my forehead, and then moves his hand to rub over my belly while he move his head down so our tongues can dance again.

Soon, his fingers find their mark.

"Fuck, you're soaked." His cock twitches against my thigh as I flush and hide my face behind my hands. His soothing voice lilts into my ear to comfort me. "Hey, hey, it's okay. I'm glad I make you feel so good. Can I move my fingers?"

"Mhmm..." Even though I don't really say words, my voice still quivers. Not Kigai! I take a few deep breaths to drive my orgasm away so I can talk better."Just...start with my clit a little bit. Don't go straight in yet. I-I need a little more work-up so it'll feel better."

"You got it, lovebug."

His fingers play me like an instrument. And I've learned by now just how good he is at playing any instrument he gets his hands on. He plucks and presses my buttons experimentally until I'm singing out his composition. His finger rings around my clit as he bites my neck. The flurry of pleasure rushing down between my legs surprises me. I didn't think I'd like biting, but color me hot and bothered!

"Zashi!" I yelp out as my back comes off the bed. Endorphins rush through my body as I nearly cum right then. "A-Almost. So close." I pant, trembling under his hands.

"Good, lovebug. Do you want me to rub your clit some more or cum on my fingers?"

I squeak in embarrassment and I give him a half-lidded smile. "I want to feel your fingers...to see if it's going to be okay."

"I'll go slowly. Tell me if you're uncomfortable at any point." He coos, before a finger caresses my entrance. We watch each other as my orgasm builds and he seeks to please me without hurting me.

"I'm going to two now..." He breathes, eyes dilated and hungry as he pushes in another digit and I moan.

My fingers grip his hair and the sheets. So close. Almost there. Please. He keeps the pace slow until I beg him to move a little faster, unable to wait any longer. Almost as soon as he picks up the pace, I'm driven over the edge.

Only right before I cry out his name, I stop. If Kigai knows I'm feeling this good...he'll get jealous. Instinctively, I find my head lulling back as I stare blankly at the ceiling even as sweet bliss floods my senses. You know how good I made you feel, little whore? And you're giving HIM your orgasm?! STOP! You only brought my cub sorrow, bastard. At least Hizashi knows how to please her before himself, you selfish fuckboy.

"Ichan?" Hizashi notices the change instantly and pulls back completely. He turns on his side and covers his bottom half under the covers as he looks at me. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Was that too much? I should have–" But he never finishes.

A sob bursts out of my chest. I cover my face with my hands as the aftershocks of my orgasm bleed into the discordant notes of trauma wracking my body. I want to focus on the pleasure but only pain drips down my cheeks.

"He never made me orgasm." I blubber out, whimpers trickling out of my throat. "I-It felt...like I was going to get in trouble because that was the first time...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I'm sorry."

"Hey, shh..." He rubs my shoulder and kisses my cheek. "I'm here. No one's going to hurt you. You're allowed to feel good, lovebug. I'm glad I could make you feel good."

I sniffle as I turn over each of his words, breathing through each of them.

"You're not upset...that you didn't orgasm first...?" I ask fearfully.

"Ichan, if I had my way, I'd make you orgasm until my name was the only thing you could say. It's my pleasure to make you feel good. If I orgasm, that's an icing on the cake, but your happiness will always come first for me." He places his hand at my cheek as he looks at me in earnest.

In a tentative attempt at shouldering past the trauma Kigai left and recapturing the mood, I wrap my arms around his neck and tug at his lip with my teeth.

"Thank you." The sentiment hangs in the air like a comforting shroud for a few moments as we just hold each other. I stare up into the tender yellow of his eyes until I think I'm ready to continue. "I'm ready to try more...if you are?"

"I'm ready only if you're sure you're okay." He kisses my forehead again and combs his fingers through my hair. "How do you want me?"

Kigai's voice still tickles my ears as I think about my next request, but I grit my teeth, take a deep breath, and surge forward. You're mine, whore. You don't get to tell me that I'm yours anymore. Because I'm not! "Can...can you kiss me a little more and then...maybe try...going inside?"

It's a big step. I know it's a big step. But my stubborn determination and Shouta's reassurance ringing in my head that Hizashi will stop anytime I ask him makes the decision. Besides, I've always been driven by my emotions. And right now I'm high on feel-good hormones.

"Are you sure, lovebug? I can move slower if you need me to." Even as he says it, I can tell from his expression that he's eager. And who could blame him? I feel the same.

"I'm sure. I'll tell you if it's too much." I promise.

He doesn't go in right away, even after I reassure him. He's good to me and smatters kisses all over every inch of skin he finds while his fingers work me up again. I close my eyes and allow myself to feel good for once. This...this is what intimacy is supposed to feel like.

"I'm going to move in, lovebug." His voice is strained and I feel his hand on my cheek.

I open my eyes and give him a flushed grin. "Okay, Zashi. I'm okay."

As he moves in, I go from okay to good to great to exquisite. It takes some time - he's still very hesitant - but by the time he's fully buried himself inside me, my thoughts are a mixture of electricity and heady clouds. I start realizing why people call it cloud nine.

"Shit..." He breathes in my ear, sending a pleasant tremor straight down my shoulders and spine. He tries to move away from me but I hold him closer. "You okay?"

"Can you...talk in my ear some more...?" I squeak out, my hips already moving to try and get some friction. We've learned auditory cues are a big trigger for me. I wonder if having some positive auditory cues will help me relax? It's worth a shot. But be on your guard.

I can hear him smirk before he chuckles and gets in close again.

"Like this?" He purrs softly, sending my eyes rolling in my head. "Do you want me to tell you how much I love you? How sweet and loveable you are? How gorgeous?" With each word, he washes away my inhibitions and I feel my muscles relaxing. "I'm going to move now, lovebug. You still okay?"

"Yes." I groan, craning my neck over to indulge in a hot kiss.

I pull back and start trailing my fingers around the shells of his ears resulting in a response that makes me feel good inside. I feel his hips spasm and the high-pitched whine he unleashes in my ear has my body shuddering against him.

"So good...touch me more." His pace grows, and so does my need. "Make me feel good with those delicate fingers. Let me make you feel good, too."

"Zashiiiii..." I whine, moving up to lick his ear to see if that makes him feel good too. I'm not disappointed with the sounds he makes. "You feel good...it doesn't hurt...I love you so much." I whimper as he moves faster and harder.

When we're both at our limit and our orgasm begins to clash together in perfect harmony, Kigai's voice tries to interrupt again. No! You're not in control of me anymore. She's not your puppet!

So when we finally break together? Hizashi's name is the only one in my mind and on my lips.

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d-andilion · 2 years

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Omg, I just read your modern internet celebrity! Jaskier au and I would love another part for it!

a snapshot from a few months into their relationship! i hope you like it 😊

part 1// part 2/

omg theyre so cute 😭😭😭

damn talk about a silver fox

@jaskier_p where did u find this man???????

Comments have been rolling in at a nearly untrackable pace since Jaskier posted the photo hours ago, but he watches them anyway, reading as many as he can before the feed refreshes and a whole new crop appears. He hasn’t clicked away from the post long enough to check, but he’s pretty sure he’s never had so much activity on a single photo before.

To be fair to his fans, it is an adorable picture. Jaskier’s own face takes up most of the frame, smiling in the bright, genuine way that he usually reserves for the real people in his life rather than the usernames online. He couldn’t help it, not when he felt Geralt’s arms around his waist and his nose tucking itself into the curve of Jaskier’s cheek.

You can only really see half of Geralt’s face, his eyes closed and mouth curved into the slightest little grin. Jaskier has plenty of photos where they’re both facing the camera with big smiles and silly faces, but those are just for them. This one is for all the world to see.

Surprisingly, going public had been Geralt’s idea.

Keeping the romantic part of their relationship private suited them both fine for the first few months. Geralt was a private person by nature and Jaskier was in no hurry to plaster what they had all over the internet, especially not in those tenuous early stages. Jaskier posted a few innocuous photos on his private account and referred to his new friend every now and then in vlogs, but other than that, mum was the word about their budding romance.

But that could only last so long. Jaskier warned Geralt that one hundred percent secrecy would most likely be a temporary state of affairs, and around their six-month anniversary, his prediction came true. As his fanbase grew, Jaskier started to be recognized quite regularly while out and about—and outings with his boyfriend were no exception.

Jaskier’s viewers started to chatter online about the guy they’d seen him with who looked suspiciously similar to the man he’d described in his hot neighbor video. Rumors swirled and the longer Jaskier refused to acknowledge the buzz, the louder it got. It even ended up in a few trashy online tabloids, complete with blurry fan photos of him and Geralt walking down the street.

A few days after the smattering of speculative articles made the rounds on Twitter, Geralt asked Jaskier if he wanted to make their relationship public.

“We’re telling them by not telling them anyway,” he’d said, picking nervously at his nails.

He was right, of course, he was right. But for the first time in a long time, Jaskier was apprehensive about putting something online. What if it changed things? Jaskier has seen plenty of people in the public eye lose a significant other over a rabid fanbase. What happens if his own viewers turn on them?

Geralt—amazing, perfect, wonderful Geralt—had been there the way he always was to keep Jaskier from spiraling. Reminding him how much his fans loved him, that everything would be okay. And if it wasn’t, well, then Geralt would be there to make it better.

Thus far, it seems Jaskier had nothing to worry about. There’s the odd troll and a few wildly inappropriate questions, but the response is overwhelmingly positive. His fans are raving at breakneck speed about how happy they are for him.

“Are they calling for my head on a pike yet?” Geralt flops down on the sofa beside him and Jaskier lets himself be bundled into his boyfriend’s arms.

“Not yet. But there’s still time.”

Geralt hums, pressing a kiss to Jaskier’s temple. “I’ll sleep with one eye open.”

Jaskier grins. “They’re asking to see you in a video.”

“I said you could film me in your vlogs sometimes.”

“No, love,” Jaskier says, tilting his head up to catch Geralt’s eye. “They mean, like, a whole video. The comment asking for a boyfriends Q&A has five thousand likes.”

“Boyfriends Q&A?” Geralt raises a skeptical brow. He’s helped Jaskier sort through Q&A questions before and he knows exactly how personal fans can be when offered a peak behind the curtain.

Jaskier drops his head onto Geralt’s shoulder with a chuckle. “Don’t worry darling, I don’t expect you to do that.”

Geralt hums again, a soft and familiar rumble. “Tell them maybe.”

“You’re too good to them,” Jaskier says, but he won’t pretend the prospect doesn’t excite him just a little.

more fic from me

#ask #darkfoxkirin #my fic #mine #geraskier #geraskier fic #geralt x jaskier #jaskier x geralt

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debbiechanclub · 8 months

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So, this little scene was in my head and I had to get it out before I could work on anything else. David and Dan having a little bro-chat about Nellie and Torrance. Setting: that night the War Dogs all went out in Tokyo last week that rewired my brain chemistry. Posting it now because it goes into Nellie and David's history from his perspective, and I don't know when or if it will get posted as part of a complete fic. Enjoy!

“I guess Torrance actually hasn’t told you.”

Dan’s brow furrowed. “Hasn’t told me what?”

David paused as he lit his cigarette. And then he said, “She’s helping me pick out a ring.”

Dan’s eyes widened in excitement. “You’re popping the question?” He clasped his shoulder. “Congrats, bruv! Seriously.”

“Thanks, man.”

“Look at you and Nellie getting all domesticated,” he grinned. “Bought a new place together, gettin’ married. You’ll be poppin’ out kids before you know it.”

“Oh trust me, we’ve talked about it,” David returned. “We want kids. But the timing has to be right. She’s on the run of her career right now and I don’t want interrupt that.”

“Oh, for sure, you have time,” he nodded. “How long have you two been together now?”

David blew a stream of smoke from his mouth before he answered. “Officially, about six months. But unofficially, it’s closer to a year.”

“Mm,” Dan nodded as he took a draw off his cigarette. “Yeah, Torr explained that whole situation to me.”

“It fucking sucked,” David wryly laughed. “It’s why I’m not wasting any more time. I’ve been thinking about proposing since the G1.” He laughed again, bringing his drink to his lips. “I’ve had it bad for her since twenty-seventeen, to be honest.”

“That long?” Dan asked in surprise.

He nodded. “That was when we first met, when she came here for her first tour with Stardom. The first time I saw her I was just like… fuck.”

Dan let out one of his signature cackles. “Schwing!”

“Fucking basically!” David smirked. “So I asked her out, and I swear she only said yes because she felt bad saying no… and I fucking blew it on that date. I was trying way too hard because I was so nervous. And after that I figured, yeah, she’s never gonna even look at me again. But we kept hanging out in group settings, and there was still chemistry there, you know?”

“Yeah, for sure,” Dan nodded.

“But then she left, and when I saw her again a year later, she was dating ZSJ.” He rolled his eyes. “I was like, fucking really?”

Dan laughed again as he tapped some ash off the end of his cigarette. “So, if you’ve wanted Nell for that long, did you ever get serious with anyone else?”

“Oh, yeah,” David confirmed with a nod. “This isn’t the first time I’ve considered proposing to someone.”

“Really?” Dan curiously asked.

“Mhm. I got real close to it a couple years ago with a girl I’d been with for a while. But she got used to my schedule during the pandemic and having me around and not gone for weeks or months at a time, and when I came back from the twenty twenty-one New Japan Cup, she told me she couldn’t be with me if I was gonna start regularly working in Japan again.”

Dan’s eyebrows arched. “She gave you an ultimatum?”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “So, we broke up. I was thinking about Nellie again within a week.”

“I hear that, bruv,” Dan breathed. “Did you get in touch with her?”

David laughed shortly to himself. “No, because she was with Jay. But honestly, I had a feeling even then he was gonna fuck it up.”

Dan cackled again. “And now you’ve taken a hell of a lot more from him than just Nellie.”

“Fuck yeah, I have,” David returned, and they clinked their glasses together in cheers and drank.

“In all seriousness, though, I’m buzzin’ for you, Dave,” Dan said. “I’m surprised Torr didn’t let something slip.”

David sent him a curious look as he took another pull from his cigarette. “What about you and her? It seems like you two are getting more serious.”

Dan nodded. “Yeah. It’s got me a bit scared, if I’m being honest.”

David smirked. “Well, I don’t know if this is gonna help or hurt, but I’ve known Torr a long time and seen her fuck up more than one relationship because she can’t get out of her own way. But she’s putting in more effort not to do that with you than I think I’ve seen her put in with anyone.”

Dan’s eyes turned distant and pensive as he took a long draw off his cigarette. He held in the smoke for a second, and then he expelled it from his chest and said, “Yeah, I don’t know if that helps or hurts, either.”

David slapped a hand on his back. “Don’t think about it too much,” he said just as the others rejoined them in the booth, Gabe loudly yelling about something.

#david finlay fanfiction #dan moloney fanfiction #drilla moloney fanfiction #bullet club fanfiction #bullet club war dogs fanfiction #njpw fanfiction #pspsps meg I think you'll appreciate this

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queer-cosette · 1 month

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AO3 tag game

Thank you for the tag @apopcornkernel my love kissing u /p

how many works do you have on ao3?

45 right now!

what's your total ao3 word count?

According to my stats page, 781,604! Holy smokes, Batman!

what fandoms do you write for?

Right now, mainly Heathers, but I've also written for Les Misérables, Derry Girls, Monster High, Miraculous Ladybug, Total Drama, Equestria Girls, and Rainbow High, and have posted some original work on AO3 too (mostly poetry).

what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

mArinette (a Miraculous Ladybug easy A AU)

today I woke up wanting to kiss you (plotless Duncney fluff)

Cute Boys With Short Haircuts (Miraculous Ladybug angsty one-sided identity reveal)

Mistlejoke (Miraculous Ladybug christmas fluff)

Waitin' on the Sunrise (shameless fluffy JDonica porn with plot)

do you respond to comments?

I try to lol. Usually I'll respond in batches because executive dysfunction is The Worst

what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Ooh, does original poetry count? Because if so, Kathryn, a midlength poem I wrote about Kathryn Howard the fifth wife of Henry VIII who was beheaded between the ages of 17 and 22. Or maybe these are times that can’t be weathered (and we have never been back there since then), a story about a Miraculous OC discovering Hawkmoth’s identity.

what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Personally, I think it’s The Dark Gate, part four of my Les Mis Winx Club AU. The happy ending is really earned and needed.

do you get hate on fics?

Not really since I stopped regularly writing for Miraculous Ladybug. Boy, that was a wild experience. The fandom was really big at the time and it was the post-Season 3 salt era, so Opinions were both abundant and poor in quality.

do you write smut? if so, what kind?

Yes indeed! I was born on the run (but I’ll die holding your hand) and Waitin’ on the Sunrise are both JDonica smut fics that I am very very proud of! They’re… very fluffy. You know that rule about how you see in fandom the stuff that was missing from the source material? Look, I just want my awful blorbos to be happy. And also to bang a lot.

do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've written?

Does On Se Sent Comme Par Magie count? It’s really more fusion fic, it’s the characters of Les Mis living out the plot of Winx Club. Look, it just… it made sense in my head, y’know?

have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not as far as I know, and I hope it never happens!

have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but I did write an English translation of a fic I wrote in my native Scots! Never posted it, though.

have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have tried and miserably failed. I just can’t do it, babes.

what's your all time favourite ship?

Probably JDonica. I just… he’d kill for her?? And he does?? Does it get more chewable than that??

what's a WIP you want to finish but sometimes doubt you ever will?

Oh god I haven’t actually written anything for two months. I need to get back to Waitin’ on the Sunrise, The Last Faery on Earth (Part 5 of OSSCPM), and The Mystery Solvers of Derry (Derry Girls SDMI AU).

what are your writing strengths?

According to my beta reader for OSSCPM, readability, characterisation, and cliffhangers.

what are your writing weaknesses?

I’m really bad for run-on sentences - it’s not my fault, okay, I started reading Les Mis when I was sixteen and impressionable, and Victor Hugo did a number on my psyche that I doubt will ever be reversed because unfortunately Vicky Huge-ho lives rent-free in my skull and whispers in my ear to just use more semicolons like the whore he is.

thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I’ve written in Scots before, which was fun! I kind of want to do it again, but the Plot Bunnies aren’t cooperating right now.

first fandom you wrote for?

I think. Technically. It was a documentary about Sperm Whales that had a really sad ending that I saw when I was six and I wrote a little book that gave it a happier ending, if that counts? If not, probably Equestria Girls. Although, thank god, my early fic experiments are all stored on a hard drive that will never see the light of day again.

favorite fic you've written?

I was born on the run (but I’ll die holding your hand)!! Fluffy JDonica smut for the win!!

tagging: @theladyfae @private-bryan @galahadwilder @swxxtcidxr if yous want to xo

#coco speaks #tag game #love is stored in the tag game #coco writes

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paradoxesofgalaxies · 9 months

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Therapy recap

TW: abusive relationships, rape

We talked about a Bunch today so let's see how much I can remember

Going into therapy, I wasn't sure what to talk about bc we've been pretty shutoff internally

When asked who was here for therapy today, I explained that I'm one of the Rowens but we've been very ??? about who we've been lately (aside from when the Beans are around). So we explored that. I read a post another part had written earlier in the week about our pattern of a part(s) showing up and wanting to track things and dig into part stuff then we flip to parts who don't want to be noticed even to ourselves. When talking about why they don't want to be noticed, it came down to not wanting to make problems for the people around us which pinged an internal belief that most clearly vocalized by an ex when he broke up with us saying "I have enough of my own shit to deal with. I can't deal with you too"

So we dug into that belief and I realized that it hit so hard bc we were very much being treated as a problem to be dealt with by the adults around us at that point so his statement was just an explicit vocalization of how we were being treated by others.

This led into talking about our next relationship which lasted 3 years and ended after we read a poster in the dorm bathrooms with questions about your relationship and then ended with saying that if you answered yes to multiple questions your likely in an abusive relationship (and we had answered yes to most 🙃). We talked about the ways that relationship was damaging and the collateral damage (breaking up with him also led to a friendship ending fight with my best friend at the time which was more painful that the breakup with my ex). I don't remember the specifics, but I said something about how that relationship was bad but in retrospect feels less bad bc our next relationship was so much worse.

So of course we then went on to talk about that relationship and the two years of missing memories. What I know about that relationship is mostly what I've been told or later read about in old journals. But we broke up with him a year and a half in after realizing he'd been raping us but then got back together a week later and were together another six months before once again realizing he'd been raping us but thinking this was the first time we'd figured it out. So lots of DID stuff tied up in that experience.

This morphed into talking about our difficulties trusting our own perceptions and memories and knowing that pretty much anyone we interact with remembers more of our interactions than we do and how difficult it can be to have to trust others.

This led into talking about K and how we've had to become more confident in our own memories of things as her memory has gotten worse. She used to have a very good memory but has been a lot more forgetful since she got COVID last winter and now regularly forgets interactions we have so I have to be more confident in my own memories when I remember a conversation with her that she has forgotten. We talked about some other things wrt K but I'm gonna skip over that.

I had mentioned taking ADHD previously so we talked about that and that I've been wanting to pursue treatment for my ADHD again as I'm finding it hard to focus on things I want and/or need to do.

We ran over a bit today, but they said that next time they want to talk more about why so many parts don't want to be seen so our homework is to think on that.

#galactic gab #therapy logs #parts stuff #rape tw #abuse tw

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ginger-idiot · 1 year

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So I've been thinking.

I think I might temporarily pause my Traumatized Pastra AU for my new au.

Introducing:

A random ass Doai AU I've had for a while now and am currently turning into a fic!(Hopefully it will be on Ao3 soon) It's just chock full o' headcanons! Buckle in because this gonna be a long ass post and I rant about things a LOT

Main little headcanons for the pairs.

◇ Clyde and Winfrey are 100% gay and no one can tell me otherwise.

◇ Simon is like an owner to The Flock, Simon is also teaching The Flock how to actually speak.

◇ Klaus is slightly abusive towards Jack, but he is desperately trying to fix it with Jack's help.

◇ Kause and Jack never actually stay in the same spot, but they will return to an area multiple times.

◇ Because Klause and Jack never stay in one place, they'll sometimes wander into Clyde and Winfrey's territory, because of this, both Clyde and Winfrey will hide if they catch even the slightest smell of their scent.

◇ Klaus and Jack have very impulsive personalities and will often play cruel pranks that often end up in an injury of some kind, this is why Clyde and Winfrey are afraid of them.

◇ The Flock can sometimes be overprotective of Simon, especially if Simon is about to go into hibernation.

◇ Simon will regularly check up on Clyde and Winfrey because I said so.

◇ Winfrey is helping to uncorupt Clyde, and in return Clyde is helping him control his thoughts.

Hibernation periods.

◇ Clyde hibernates between August 3rd and October 31st, while Winfrey hibernates between Febuary 1st and June 4th.

◇ The Flock doesn't hibernate, being a bird and all. Simon hibernates through spring.

◇ Both Jack and Klaus hibernate through the last half of winter and the first half of spring.

Individual Headcanons

.•° Winfrey °•.

◇ Winfrey can actually play the violin, and he's good at it too.

◇ He's constantly second guessing weather it was a good idea to become complete, but Clyde helps him see it as a good thing.

◇ He's overprotective over Clyde despite Clyde telling him that he can handle himself, it's just the size difference really-

◇ Him and Clyde are VERY close. V e r y

.•° Clyde °•.

◇ Clyde is actually kind of insane, and with Wibfrey helping to uncorupt his mind, he's becoming even more so.

◇ If Clyde is harmed enough, Winfrey will wake up from his hibernation and go save him, and vice-versa. They will then go into a month long hibernation together.

◇ Like Winfrey, Clyde can hear the voices of everyone he's consumed, but has learned to tune it out.

◇ He is adept at playing the piano.

.•° Simon °•.

◇ Simon is practically The Flock's owner because of how feral The Flock is.

◇ He won't force his ideology of not consuming humans, he just doesn't want the others to do it when he's around.

◇ He celebrates human holidays, and even invites the other veldigun over to celebrate with him and The Flock.

.•° The Flock °•.

◇ The Flock will attack anyone and anything that gets close to Simon when he's injured, sick, ect.

◇ Since they haven't progressed past the void stage, they're kind of like an octopus, they can fit through tiny spaces.

.•° Jack °•.

◇ Jack rarely talks, only ever talking to Klaus.

◇ He'll do anything Jack tells him to, even if he doesn't want to.

◇ He hunts when Klaus is asleep because he's always used to help Klaus hunt.

◇ He doesn't actually need to eat as much as you'd expect.

.•° Klaus °•.

◇ Klaus is actively trying to fix his abusive behavior towards Jack

◇ Klaus and Jack get into constant prank wars.

◇ He loves messing with Clyde and Winfrey, mostly Clyde though.

Veldigun Headcanons.

◇ Veldigun can actually speak many different languages, but like humans they have to learn it.

◇ They know jackshit about Six, the only thing they know is that they'll show up in their dreams before an event in their lives. (Hibernation and stuff)

◇ They never go into large human towns or cities, they just wait for prey to come to them, or they'll try to lead them away.

Okay I'm done ranting now- I may or may not turn this into a separate ask blog idk man- but I do know that I've kinda lost motivation for my Traumatized Pastra AU-

#doai #dreams of an insomniac #pastra #pastraspec #My Ao3 is GingerNobody btw-

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sirsell · 2 years

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Happy Birthday

Quick Authors Note: This is my second time posting on here. I am more active on Wattpad. So if you want go check out my wattpad

Also this part is a continuation of New home but can be read by itself.

English is not my first language so if I you find mistakes please tell me and I'll try to correct them as soon as possible.

Part 3

Masterlist

Y/N Your Name

Y/B/F Your best friend

Y/F/C Your favorite color

A/R/C A random color

Y/L/N: Your last name

It had been almost six months since Natasha had taken you in and you were about to turn 5 and for the first time in your life someone wanted to celebrate your birthday.

Living with Natasha in general was the best thing that ever happened to you. She always made you breakfast, while you got dressed. Then she dropped you off at kindergarten, before going to work.

You still didn't know what her job really was, but sometimes she had to take trips for work. But when she had to leave she always made sure you were either with Clint or Maria. Or if neither of them had time with Nick, who she sometimes called your grandpa.

She always made sure to pick you up at 3pm so you could spend the afternoon together. Either by watching movies, eating ice cream at the park or playing games at the apartment. In your opinion Natasha was the best person ever.

"So kiddo. Are you ready? Tomorrow is the big day." The redhead said as she tucked you in the night before your birthday. Since it was a Saturday your friends would come tomorrow and you'd spend the day together. "Yeah. It's gonna be awesome." You smiled up at her as she ruffled your hair. "That's right. So try to get some sleep, it's gonna be a long day tomorrow."

And she was right. Natasha had woken you up at 9am with breakfast already ready. She had made Y/F/B and sang happy birthday to you. Then after breakfast the two of you decorated the apartment and set everything up for the party, before you went to the bakery and picked up the cake.

Now it was 1pm and your friends would come soon. You had invited four girls from your class, one of them being Y/B/F, who you had playdates with regularly. And Maria, Clint and Nick would come too. They were going to help with the party and watch the kids, as Natasha put it.

The doorbell rang and you skipped to the door. You had your favorite outfit on and your hair was bouncing on your shoulders. You pulled the door open to reveal Maria and Clint. "Hey there birthday girl." The brunette said and offered a hug, which you reluctantly took. "Hey Ria." You answered the woman before giving Clint a high five and a smile. The man smiled back at you. As they stepped inside they revealed Nick, who offered you a smile. "Hey kiddo." You smiled at the tall man and let him step inside.

The three of them greeted Natasha and set some wrapped packages down on a table. Maria helped Natasha setting up the table with plates and decorations, for you and the other kids. Then the doorbell rang again. You jumped up and down, while Natasha opened the door. Revealing Y/B/F and Lucy, and a want you didn't recognize. "Hey I'm Lucy's Mom. It's nice to meet you." The grownups shook hands and Natasha introduced herself, while your friends came inside. "Happy birthday." They squealed and both of them hugged you. The three of you made their way to the living room, already buzzing with energy.

While Natasha and the woman were talking, you guys heard new voices. A quick glance towards the door revealed Aimee and Emilie, twins from our class. Their dad was dropping them off and now talking to Natasha and Lucy's Mother. "Hey guys. Happy birthday Y/N." Aimee gave you a hug. "Happy birthday." Emilie just gave you a smile. She was shy compared to her sister and definitely not as touchy.

The five you were babbling and you introduced your friends to Maria, Clint and Nick, who was immediately named Mr. Pirate. You weren't too sure if he liked the name, but he didn't say anything. Then Natasha came back inside. "Okay girls. Do you want some cake?" You guys sat down at the table and started eating cupcakes, cake and some other sweets. You had juice to drink and Aimee was making bubbles in her choice by blowing through her straw, making you and the other girls giggle.

Once all you girls were full Natasha showed you guys an art set up. She had gotten different colors of clay. So you girls could do some arts and crafts. "We guys figured that you guys could do some modeling with this clay. You can do whatever you want and once you're finished we'll dry it so you can take it home."

The five of you immediately started to make a mess. "I'm gonna make a horse." Lucy explained, while Aimee started to make a rainbow. "I wanna make a cat." Emilie said. Y/B/F looked at you and smiled. "Let's make pendants for a necklace that can fit together." You nodded and the two of you started to make some pearls, before you made a heart pendant. One side in pink, the other in Y/F/C. The two sides fit together perfectly so you put holes into the top part of both sides. "So we can wear it on a necklace." Y/B/F said. The two of you giggled as you put the pearls and parts of the heart onto the baking tray.

"Now I wanna make a dinosaur." You exclaimed and grabbed the clay in Y/F/C to form the biggest part of the body. A big tummy, an S-shaped neck to a round head and a long tail. You made some small rolls as legs to support the body.

"Now he needs spikes." You mumbled looking over the table to see which one of the colors would work for the spikes. Before grabbing A/R/C to form spikes and some black for the eyes. You girls played with the clay for one and a half hours, before Natasha came over. "Hey girls, how about you finish this up, so we can put your work into the oven." You finished up with your second dinosaur, a red T-Rex and handed him to Natasha, so she could put it onto the tray. In the kitchen Maria put the tray into the oven, while you girls washed your hands. "Okay girls, how about we open some presents now?" You cheered internally, really excited to open the presents.

Maria helped Natasha to carry all the presents that were originally settled down on the "I wanna go first." Lucy exclaimed and handed me a package. You unwrapped the package, from the purple paper. Inside was a box to make friendship bracelets, with beads, charms and cords. "Thank you so much." You gave Lucy a hug and she smiled back. "You're welcome."

Carefully you unpacked the other presents, a board, where you could plug in small lights and make a picture like that, from the twins. And from Y/B/F a set to make your own chocolate animal lollipops. A huge stufed dinosaur, a triceratops, from Maria, a doll from Clint and lastly a game of memory from Nick. After hugging all your friends, family and thanking them for the gifts, it was now almost time for them to leave.

So Natasha got the clay works we did and then some goodies bags. Each one filled with some sweets, a bubble wand and a small coloring book.

That's when the doorbell rang and the twins' mom was standing there. "Hey girls, we have to go now." She looked stressed, her hair was pulled up in a tight bun. The twins got their things and hugged you and the other two girls, before putting their shoes on. "Bye Y/N. Thanks for inviting us." Aimee said. Emilie waved and then the two girls were gone. "I think my mommy will be here soon too. Maybe we should hide." You giggled and nodded, pulling Lucy and Y/B/F into your room. You helped the two girls to hide underneath your bed, before pulling the duvet as far down as possible so that nobody could see them.

Then the doorbell went off. "You gotta be really quiet." You whispered to your friends underneath the bed, all three of you giggling. You heard footsteps nearing your bedroom and tried to act like nobody was hiding in your room. "Hey Y/N. Do you have any idea where Lucy and Y/B/F are?" Natasha and Y/B/Fs' Mom asked, but you just shrugged. "Noo." You tried to hide a smile, but couldn't completely hide it and you heard some giggles from underneath your bed. "Really? Are you sure?" You nodded, giggling a little. Hearing the giggles from underneath the bed, both the adults smiled.

"I guess I can look for them right?" Natasha asked and checked behind the curtains. More giggle came from underneath the bed. Y/B/Fs Mom checked underneath the table and behind the closet. Making you and your friends giggle even louder.

"Oh no. Where could they be?" Natasha said, before checking ubderjatg the bed. Revealing two giggling girls. You still sitting on top of the bed. "There they are." Both of the grown ups smiled, as your friends came out of their hiding spot.

"Mommy I don't wanna go home. I wanna play more." Y/B/F said, but her mom shook her head a little. "We've got to go and bring Lucy home." Y/B/F pouted, but both of them went to put their shoes on.

"Bye Y/N. See you monday." Lucy said and hugged you. "Bye Lucy." You hugged her back. Y/B/F gave you a really big bear hug. "I'm gonna miss you so much till Monday." "I'll miss you too. Thank you for coming today." As you hugged her back.

The two girls left and shortly after the others left as well, leaving just yourself and Natasha in the apartment. What you hadn't realized was that Natasha had cleaned up in the apartment while you girls were still playing. "Are you I you hungry or do you want to wait for dinner?" You thought about it for a seind before deciding that you weren't hungry right now. "Let's eat later."

"Alright lets eat later. I made your favorite just so you know." You smiled as you grabbed sat you bunny next to your new triceratops so that they could become friends. Natasha was watching you, her eyes soft with adoration as she watched you introduce your old friend to your new friend.

"Okay kiddo. Are you ready for my gift?" You nodded a little, eventhough you hadn't expected her to give you something since, she had already paid for the party.

"So first I have this." She handed you a package which you unwrapped. Inside was a big dinosaur puzzle, the one you had eyed three weeks ago when you guys went shopping, but you hadn't dared to ask Natasha to buy it. "Thank you, thank you." You gave her a really tight hug and she carefully wrapped her arms around you. Natasha knew that you were still wary of her touching you, but the two of you had made a lot of progress and you were okay with sitting close to her, her holding your hand in busy crowds or on her lap on a full bus.

"I have one more thing for you." She handed you a brown envelope and watched as you pulled the papers out. You still couldn't read, only knowing few letters.

"A.. D… I don't know what it says." You looked up at her sadly and she gave you a smile. "Do you want me to read it to you?" You nodded.

"Adoption papers for Y/N Y/L/N." You looked up at her with shock in your face. "You want to adopt me?" "Yes. I would love nothing more than that. I'd love to be your forever home." You fell back into her arms and hugged her very tightly. "Thank you so much." She hugged you very tightly, kissing your forehead as you clung to her. Your arms tightly around her neck. "You're welcome kiddo."

#natasha romanoff x daughter!reader #natasha marvel #natasha romanoff #natasha romanov #natasha romanoff × child!reader

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