It's like I've forgotten how to know who I am. Like I've forgotten how to communicate with other parts.
I am just here in the abyss. Floating along in blank stillness. Unable to connect.
I feel fine. I'm ok.
... except for waking up each morning with a jaw sore from clenching, needing active focus to release. Except for the horrid tension in our shoulders that requires constant management to avoid more severe pain. Except for the many ways our body continues to keep the score.
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i'm never gonna get to be a teenage girl :(
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There's a version of the "don't go grocery shopping while hungry" rule specifically for writers where you should never under any circumstances be allowed to touch your draft within 3 hours of reading a really good story. Because sometimes when you read something great your head goes "fuck this is so much better than my stuff I should make that more like THIS instead!" Look at me. That's the devil talking and you should close the document NOW.
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saying “visual style" because, for example, if you would swap your current wardrobe for an identical, ethically made counterpart, there would be no visible change
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It is so frustratingly difficult to choose identifiers for other parts. So many of our parts either don't have names or refuse to share their names. Which makes it very challenging to track who has been around. But when I try to pick something to use as a temporary way to discuss a certain part I get stuck. I don't want it to be anything negative or constricting. It has to be something we'll remember. What if they don't like it? What if, what if, what if?
We'd probably be making more progress if we could actually track parts but noooo everyone seems to not want to be noticed 🙃
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whenever i start getting intense genderfeels and thinking abt my (fluctuating) identity as a f*g i'm pretty sure that's heavy influence from ilya, or in other terms; it feels right to think of it as "feeling like ilya" 🤷🏻♀️
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and it was love at first sight
(this joke comes from the below textpost, but the idea of this being a bkdk meetcute is all thanks to @sapphicflower-ao3)
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Video game I saw in a dream. It was in this low poly style like an older video game. You play as this character I think was meant to be a lamb, or maybe a weird mix of a lamb a mouse and a rabbit, (while not really looking like any of those things) and you’re running away from a wolf. Your objective is to last as long as possible before the wolf catches and eats you.
The house you’re running in is endless and bizarrely put together like most building interiors in dreams are (like the infinite toilet dream dimension on Reddit lol) the layout of the house is pretty detailed, you can stop and hide in places like closets or bins while the wolf looks for you, you can go up and down stairs and into rooms etc.
You never actually know where the wolf is or how close it is to you until it appears in your line of sight, it makes no noise and the game gives you no way of knowing where it is, and it’s pretty unpredictable it doesnt move at a consistent pace. When the wolf catches you there’s an animation showing it eating your character
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dune part 2 really is one of those films where everyone is like "this is the best thing ever" and you're like "it can't possibly be" and then you watch it and spend 2 hours and 46 minutes understanding why paul atreides has a cult the size of a planet
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