dissociacrip
we were born sick
disability blog. 20s. they/them. partially cr*ppled + mad. critical of psychiatry/the medical industrial complex. broadly supportive of self-dx. white gentile/tme.
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you're not stuck. it's not over. you can claw yourself out again and again. find strength in yourself. find strength in others whom you can trust. the fight isn't over until you're dead.
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I start missing you as soon as you're out of sight
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sitting is hurting so much rn. pain shooting down my left leg and then pain in my right hip area. also back pain but not as irritating as the leg pain. i feel so gross. if this is due to endo then the sprintec isn't doing enough to mitigate it.
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really strange how you can be almost at peace with something that happened to you but it will continue to be a defining moment of your life for the rest of your life. you wont think about it much anymore but in a conversation about a film someone will mention the year it was released and you’ll think to yourself, “that was before it happened” and you’ll see an old photo and think how strange it is to have existed before it happened and somehow it’s like living a life in two acts
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post-work (where i ate) vs. post-kitkats after getting home bc i had a bad headache that i was worried was hypoglycemia, which is when i took the first reading
literally fuck off dude
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i apologized to her. she said "thanks for the well wishes" but her tone seemed justifiably angry or resentful/passive-aggressive. i told her i wouldn't disturb either of them again and that i meant it.
they were right when they said it wouldn't make me feel better and nothing good would probably come of it. i got it off my chest at least.
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I really can’t stress enough how important it is to talk to your friends, family members, and partners regularly about their right to set boundaries, even ones that inconvenience you.
We absolutely live in a hierarchial abuse culture where people can and do impose their will on each other in a million tiny ways. A lot of people just expect it - they’ll make choices according to the assumption that you, too, are invested in controlling them to whatever degree - because unless you consciously make a point not to be, it’s possible that you are.
In a healthy relationship people ask for consent often - “Do you want to do this? Are you comfortable with this? Is there anything you think we should change about this plan?” And then, they clarify that negative answers are totally normal and okay.
Checking in can sound like, “Hey, you know I love doing X but if you ever don’t want to you know that’s okay, right?” It’s paying attention to nonverbal cues that someone is uncomfortable and giving them an out - “You don’t seem excited about this party, I want you to know it totally won’t be a big deal if you’d rather not.”
In a healthy relationship there’s a huge difference between “no” and “you shouldn’t have asked”. “No” is normal and expected and it’s assumed that sometimes it will be the response. There’s an intentional effort not to punish each other for not always giving each other what you want.
Normalize “no” in all your relationships. Seek it out! Give people extra opportunities to say no! And accept it. Recognise that it’s a good sign when your loved ones feel safe enough to not agree to things they don’t want out of fear of your reaction.
Just - check in. I don’t care what kind of relationship it is, don’t assume people know it’s safe to say no to you unless you remind them and show them regularly. Making space for healthy boundaries is one of the most important things to communicate with the people that you care about.
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idk how to phrase it other than like "my stomach used to be more responsive to me eating food"
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I notice when intrusive thoughts are discussed on here, they're always presented in the form of a voice giving commands. That doesn't fit my experience, which is of unwanted images, or my wife's, which is of feeling compelled to repeatedly think through issues that cause them guilt/shame.
#the intrusive thoughts mainly occur in terms of complex dissociation so it's a mixture of these things#the 'disturbing scenes' are usually a manifestation of internal conflict ime#parts stuff
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based on the hip pain i'm assuming whatever is going on w/ my fallopian tubes hasn't cleared up
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WANTING IS A FILTHY THING. BUT I LEARNED GREED BEFOFE I LEARNED SHAME.
red doc - anne carson , first love / late spring - mitski , starvation - maya angelou , let dead dogs lay - silas denver melvin (@sweatermuppet), wishbone - richard siken, a self portrait against red wallpaper - richard siken, truisms - jenny holzer, stop telling me i should’ve died too - tumblr user @tankgotstuckinthecircusgate, many hands - lingua ignota, hungry thread of nerves - fatima aamer bilal
support me on kofi <3
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fatima aamer bilal, excerpt from moony moonless sky’s ‘i am tired of making a religion out of my suffering’.
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fatima aamer bilal, excerpt from moony moonless sky’s all the blood in my mouth screams devastatingly desperate, miserable girl.
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fatima aamer bilal, excerpt from moony moonless sky’s ‘i mother it, the absence of her ii. i was hard to bear from the very start.’
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fatima aamer bilal, excerpt from moony moonless sky’s ‘i am tired of making a religion out of my suffering’.
[text id: my bones whimper at the thought of what could have been. / what could have been if i was not born in a grave?]
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fatima aamer bilal, excerpt from moony moonless sky’s ‘we were put on this earth desperate, hungry and willing.’
[text id: in a sharp set of knives, i looked for a hand to hold. / i could not stop myself from needing to belong somewhere, even if that somewhere was a burial ground.]
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Peter (2006), Hearing silent voices: examining mother-daughter sexual abuse.
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