#i'm didn't have my depression meds for two days | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

inciting-chaos-series · 1 year

Note

j can you please make a corpse x reader where they are both publicly dating and as all internet couples do, get a fair amount of hate. but one day a specific comment gets under the readers skin so they distance themselves from corpse (lots of angst but with a good ending ?)

I'm sorry this took forever, I couldn't get my meds and went a lil crazy agh, also idk if this is any good tbh I feel bad at writing lately. Hopefully you like it though oof.

-J The Ghost

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Request: Hate Mail

You woke up from your nap to the sounds of several voices coming from the other room. He must be streaming… You thought groggily as you stretched and snuggled back into the covers enveloped in the scent of his cologne. You pulled out your phone and checked the time, almost four… Jesus, he really had made good on his word, you didn’t even realize you could be that exhausted. As you scrolled through your socials you saw the notifications of most of his friends live streams. Sussy Sundays, of course, how did you forget? He really had taken it out of you earlier.

You were grateful to have weekends off, allowing you to see him more than just any days you managed to get off work at a decent time, but you hated Sundays. You both took turns staying over at each other's houses and coming up with fun things to do together, but since he’d agreed to be a part of the Sussy Sundays, you had to find a way to entertain yourself. When he would stay at your house, it was easy to find things to do- dishes, laundry, and tidying up always needed done- but at his place, he mostly ordered takeout, and didn't really have enough stuff to ever accumulate messes, much less any laundry, so you were left to figure something else out.

A few times he’d asked you to join in on games, or hangout and watch him, but if the viewers got wind that you were with him- everyone's chat would latch on and start blowing up about it. You hated the fact that you’d turn viewers' attention away from the streamers they were watching, which led to you feeling guilty for making even the slightest sounds despite both him and his ever supportive friends trying to actively involve you.

Ever since the two of you had gone public, the internet had gone wild. In the beginning fans were pretty supportive and kind, but once Corpse started to post about you more and more, they quickly turned on you. It felt like the majority now was vehemently against the idea of your relationship. You knew that once it was public, you would get a lot of hate, but some of the comments were so hyper specific and vile- you couldn't help but be hurt. You always did your best to not read through them, or let him see when ones you did see affect you. You knew it was mostly young fans that were crushing on him and envious of you, but it all still seemed to leave you feeling drained, and anxious, an empty feeling of doom settling in with each critique. What if he saw merit in some of them? Sure most were shallow insults, but some seemed so spot on to you.

Who even are they? They're nobody, why is he with them??

He probably felt bad- he’s just too nice…

He can do soo much better…

You weren't usually an insecure person, but it was hard to stay positive when you did kind of agree. You worked a normal job, lived an average life, and you weren't really into the world of streaming, even as a viewer. It was- at the least- confusing to understand why he would be with you over someone with a similar lifestyle, or had more in common with him.

Tik Tok was your savior while he finished up with his friends. The algorithm only showed you the mind-numbing content you wanted to see, nothing about him or streaming at all. It was around 7:30 and you were halfway through a dinner recipe video when he finally entered his room again.

“Have a good nap?” He smirked tiredly as he plopped down on the bed beside you.

“So good…” You chuckled, saving the video before tossing your phone aside to snuggle up to him “How was the stream?”

“It was fun. Everyone said to tell you hi…” He wrapped his arm around you and absently traced his fingers along your arm.

“Tell them I say hi too.” You smiled as you buried your face into his hoodie. “Your friends are so nice…”

“Mhm… they really like you.” He chuckled. “Are you hungry yet? I'm starving…” You nodded and paused, still groggy from lying in bed.

“Can we get pasta? I’m craving it so bad…” Your voice perked up at the thought of the recipe video.

“Of course,” he laughed at your enthused voice, “you better start getting ready though…”

“Were going out?” You looked up at him in confusion, it was rare he ever wanted to go out, especially so spontaneously.

“Yeah why not? I mean… as long as you’re up for it?”

“Y-Yeah, just surprised that you are…” You beamed up at him before mustering the energy to get up and get ready. You pulled your hair aside and headed to the bathroom to wash your face, peeking slightly in the mirror's reflection and catching glimpses of him changing from the bedroom. The cheeky blush across your face turned quickly to a hot embarrassment as you watched the black button-down settle across his lean shoulders. Your mind started flashing through images of all the comments deeming you unworthy of him. You turned your face away from the mirror and avoided eye-contact with yourself- knowing it would only cement those thoughts and sour your mood even more.

You quickly brushed your teeth and headed back to the room, only to stare at the clothes you had brought in disappointment. Too loose you’ll look like a soggy cardboard box, too tight you’ll look like a shrink wrapped ham, too-

“You okay?” He chuckled from behind you as he fixed his shirt.

“Yeah… I’m fine.” You huffed out, grabbing at a random article of clothing and feeling yourself physically recoil at the thought of wearing it.

“You don’t look fine- if you don’t wanna go out we can stay in…” He shrugged and examined your clothes with you. “You still have some other things in my closet you know… you don’t have to keep living out of your carry on bag. You can keep things here.” He laughed softly.

“I- I know. I just… I don’t know- it's one of those days- you know?” You mustered up a small laugh. “Nothing feels right.” You shrugged it off.

“I get it… let's just stay in.” He sat beside your clothes on the bed, offering a soft smile as he took your hands and pulled you closer .

“No, I want to go out…” You furrowed your brow a bit, irritated that you were letting it all affect you so much. “I’ll hurry up.” You pulled another few items of clothing out and headed back to the bathroom, not wanting to even think about him watching you change right now.

You came back out after continuing to struggle through every aspect of getting ready while your mind attacked you. He sat up from scrolling his socials on the bed and quickly tucked his phone back into his pocket- a detail you wish your brain would find insignificant.

“Ready?” He smiled and stood as you nodded. He grabbed his jacket and threw it on as you grabbed your things and started to head out with him.

You were grateful for the comfortable silence as he drove to the restaurant, allowing you some time to try and change your mood. He’d put some softer lofi on the radio and let you silently watch as the streetlights flashed past your window. You weren't sure how he always seemed to know exactly what you needed, yet he always did.

When you arrived at the restaurant you were surprised to hear he’d made reservations for the two of you. You couldn’t help but smile, despite the discomfort welling up that he’d chosen something more fancy than you had expected- or dressed for.

“Wait, wait…” He hooked arm around your side, stopping you as you followed the host to the booth. He spun you into him in front of the elegant floor length mirror stood beside the entrance and pulled out his phone for a picture. You giggled at the quick cute gesture and posed with him, shutting your eyes as he snapped the pic to avoid any further mental spiraling.

Dinner went by uneventfully, you stayed a bit more quiet as he excitedly told you about new songs he was working on, or vented about the issues holding up his new merch drop. It wasn’t entirely due to your bad mood, you loved seeing him enthuse about his passions and how animated he’d suddenly become. His whiskey toned eyes would light up and his excitement was palpable in the air, making even you more energized. It wasn’t until halfway through or so when you came back from the bathroom that things shifted. You caught sight of him looking up at you returning before tucking his phone quickly away again.

“What’s that about?” You questioned lightheartedly with a laugh.

“Oh it’s nothing… Did you wanna get dessert?” He dismissed before swiftly changing the subject, but not before you caught a strange look on his face.

“Okay Mr. Secretive… um, I think I’m full though.” You shrugged awkwardly as you looked down at your plate.

“You sure weren't saying that about the wine though…” He chuckled as he sipped his own glass.

“I- okay?” You rebutted, hesitating as you gave him a confused glance. “I was just trying to cure my bad mood…” You internally cringed as your voice came out more defeated and offended than you intended, seemingly proving his point that you’d had too much. It was only two glasses… am I really that bad? All that stupid pasta I kept shoving in my fat mouth absorbed it all- I don’t even feel drunk…

“Wh- no… baby I- I was just making a joke… I didn’t mean anything by it-” His face softened with concern.

“No it’s fine… I probably have had too much- sorry.” You managed to squeak out, your face reddening with embarrassment. “Let’s just get the check…” I just want to go home now… Jesus Christ. You bit down on the inside of your lip as you heard the harsh, irritated sigh he let out.

---

The drive back from the restaurant was insufferable, just as it had been for him to the restaurant. He wasn’t sure if even his knives could’ve cut the tension radiating from the passenger side. It was clear something happened but he didn’t know what. Before he’d gone to his office to join the stream everything was fine, but once he came back the mood had completely changed.

“Are you- okay? Did I do something to upset you?” He asked as tentatively as he could upon getting back home.

“N-No, I’m fine. I’m sorry I had too much to drink.” Your voice was still soft but had a bit of an edge to it.

“I’m sorry I said that at the restaurant, I didn’t mean it like that at all. I meant it in like a- ‘it’s funny that you chose the wine over dessert…’ because I agreed- kind of way… I’m sorry baby.” He paused, taking your hands and tugging you gently closer as he kissed your forehead. “Y/n, If I did something to upset you, I wanna know, so I can fix it and make you feel better. You’ve seemed upset since I got off stream.”

“It… it’s fine, I’m just stupidly sensitive. I’m fine.” You ruined the entire night with him, great job. If he really wasn’t hiding anything on his phone earlier, he’ll surely start now. You huffed in frustration at yourself. “I should probably get home…”

“W- Why? You always leave Monday mornings…” He asked, feeling his energy plummet as you continued to shut down.

“I just have an early day tomorrow is all. I’m sorry…” You met his gaze, immediately wishing you hadn't as you offered a half smile to his heartbreakingly defeated expression. You pushed back the self-criticism as you went to collect your things, that could wait until you were alone in your car. He silently followed you back into his room like a kicked puppy and helped you gather your things, making your brain slew more insecurities about him wanting you gone. Once all your stuff was in your bag he walked you out to your car while you said your goodbyes.

“Please drive safe…”

He’ll just feel guilty if something happens…

“...text me when you get home…”

He feels like he has to say that… you’re so fucking sensitive. He walks on eggshells with you.

“I love you…”

No he doesn’t, why the fuck would he?

The drive back home continued that way as you dissociated the entire time, only letting the tears fall once you were back inside your own house. After having a small breakdown over the bullying your brain had done, you texted him you were home before collapsing down into your bed- exhausted by it all. You were ready for any solace you could get from mindlessly scrolling your phone, though it seemed the universe had something else in mind. You opened your instagram to check messages from your friends but were promptly bombarded by a photo he’d posted of the two of you from the restaurant. He’d put some goofy angel and devil emojis over your faces that you tried to let yourself laugh at but couldn't muster at the moment. He’d captioned it ‘LOMFL 😍🥵’ that got a small smile out of you, but not without a scoff. It wasn’t really until you tapped on the comments, you felt your gut tighten. The first few were various heart emojis from Rae, Tina, and Sean- but below that it took a turn. His fans attacked everything about you, your outfit, your weight, even your personality- as if they even knew you. But it didn’t stop there, some crazed fans had gone as far as finding you somehow- despite him never tagging you- and DMing your personal account even more vile things, even death threats. You wanted to vomit. You wanted to scream and show them how awful you could really be, but mostly you wanted to make yourself stop believing them. You didn’t want any of it to be true… but you were now convinced it was.

The next day you kept your phone completely off, even going as far as deleting all your socials before shutting it off. In the morning meeting with your boss you informed her your phone wasn’t working and email was how you should be contacted from now on, so you wouldn't even need it on for later. You went about your daily tasks at work completely numb, doing everything you could to keep yourself too busy to think. Of course, that only worked at work, at home it was entirely different. The next few days turned to weeks as you cleaned like you never had before, you rearranged furniture like you were suddenly trying to fit four Alaskan king sized beds in your home, you went to the store and meal prepped- full well knowing you’d have no appetite, you binged several of your favorite shows entirely.

By the third week, you’d fully run out of tasks to keep the thoughts and anxiety at bay. You scrolled through Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon- finding nothing. Out of either habit or some subconscious cue about the anxiety of not texting the only person you wanted to at the moment, you opened up Youtube. You rolled your eyes and groaned softly but scrolled through the videos anyway, cringing as the recommendations of Sussy Sundays and various other videos with your boyfriend popped up. You felt incredibly guilty about not talking to him. It wasn’t like the two of you talked non-stop, or that he’d be mad, you were just sure with the way you’d left things he was likely worrying about you by now. As you continued to scroll you saw a live video pop up in your suggestions, of him. He’s live? Why is he live? He doesn’t stream anymore… You were already anxious, but after reading the title ‘we need to talk…’ you started to feel sick. You hesitantly clicked the video and his voice rang out from your TV.

“...I really don’t give a fuck how you guys feel or what you fuckin think…” He paused, presumably reading the chat. “I know it’s not all of you… but those of you that are commenting this shit… I don’t wanna fuckin see it- I don’t everr wanna see this shit again… if you like my content but come into my chat, or friends chats, or on twitter.com or instagram and say that shit… fucking unsubscribe right now, fuck you. Get off the fucking internet, it's disgusting.” You took in a deep breath as anxiety welled up more, why was he doing this? “I’ll straight up never put out another thing ever again if this keeps happening. I know that people are always gonna be assholes, but if you’re a fan of me or whatever- and saying this fucking shit about my partner? Go fuck yourself. I don’t want your fucking support…”

You stared at his animated figure standing in the rain blankly and opened up your laptop, starting a video call to him. You waited for a while as he went silent on stream before it was denied. Is he mad at me? It’s all my fault- fuck.

“Anyways- I just thought I’d get on here and reprimand you fucks… and to all my actual fans, being kind and supportive, thank you, and keep reporting these people- love you guys… oodles and oodles… keep being you- I’m sorry you guys had to hear this… love you.”

You tried again as the stream ended. Again denied. Fuck he’s pissed… Because of me he had to get on after not streaming anymore and do that- fuck… You took a deep breath and tried to not overthink. Maybe he’s just sick of your bullshit. If he was worried or he’d been trying to contact you at all, he probably would’ve answered. You fidgeted nervously at the thought. I’ll just start a new show- keep my mind off this… You shut your laptop and dejectedly threw it aside on the couch before getting up and grabbing some blankets for another night of Netflix.

You were two episodes in when you decided to grab a snack but just as you paused the show and stood, there was a knock on the door. You looked over, and cautiously moved toward it. Peeking out the peephole you saw what looked like an outraged figure of your boyfriend standing outside. You felt icy panic run through you as you grabbed the handle and twisted, preparing yourself for the worst.

“You’re okay…” He sighed in relief as his whole body relaxed.

“I- Y- yeah… I- I’m fine.. What are you-” You tried to play catch up, still in shock to see him at your door, let alone not yelling at you.

“You haven’t answered your phone- for anyone- in like a month…” He seemed to pant out. “I tried to give you space and not worry too much when you weren't answering, but then you deleted your socials, and then didn’t answer Tina, or Rae… or me… I was… scared.” He paused and caught his breath. “When you video called me I panicked, I thought you were in trouble or- I- I don’t even know… I just rushed over.” He stepped in and yanked you into one of his enveloping bear hugs. You stood motionless, mostly from how tight his arms were around you, but partially from even more surprise. Here he was, yet again, proving that he knew you better than anyone- and certainly better than you knew him. The guilt of not talking to him only grew now. How could you have ever thought any awful things about the panic stricken, devoted, heart-of-fucking-gold man that was seemingly holding onto you for dear life?

“I- I’m sorry…” You squeaked out, faltering under his obvious concern. He sighed again and released his hold but kept his hands gently on your arms.

“Please don’t do that again… If you need space that's okay, but please just tell me… I- I didn’t know what to think- or do…” He knelt down to your level slightly, his face full of worry as he seemed to practically beg.

“I’m sorry…” You swallowed hard, feeling your face heat as your voice wavered.

“I-It’s okay… I- I’m not mad… I just wanted to know you’re safe- cause I worked myself into a panic not knowing- I’m sorry I just showed up out of the blue…” He took a deep breath. “If you still need space that's okay I just- I was really worried. I know I’m probably overreacting…”

“No… I just… I don’t know-” You looked down at your feet, the guilt consuming you now as he continued to prove every horrible thought you had about him wrong.

“Do you want to talk?” He questioned hesitantly as his mind began reeling in the same way yours had. You just nodded, looking up as he closed the door and looked back to you, eyes still full of worry.

You moved back to the couch and curled up into the blanket, comforting yourself and trying to hold back tears of guilt over how you’d acted toward him. He slowly moved to sit by you.

“What’s going on? A-are you upset with me?” He stuttered nervously, also anticipating the worst. You shook your head and shut your eyes as they welled up. It all felt so stupid now- but the constant harassment, death threats, and insults had done a number- and having him here, almost completely in the dark about it all but still so kind and loving was just too much all at once.

“Oh- baby… shh come here.” He soothed melodically as he pulled you closer, wrapping his arms around you tightly again. “Please talk to me.” His voice was soft and quiet as he pressed kisses onto the top of your head.

“I don’t wanna cry- it’s stupid…” You managed to mumble.

“It’s not stupid- something is really bothering you… is it the comments and shit?” You nodded.

“It’s all of it- I- I don’t know why you’re even with me…” Your voice cracked and broke.

“Y/n, I’m with you because I’m in love with you- I wouldn’t ever let the opinions of fucking dumbass ten-year-olds with no internet supervision change or dictate that…” You cringed as you heard the offended tone in his voice.

“I know… I just… I let my brain believe it all… and I feel shitty… and that just makes me wonder even more why- because I do shit like this- even though you’re nothing but amazing and loving to me…” You choked out between sobs.

“You’re not shitty…” His tone softened even more as he pulled your face up. “I have no idea what it’s like to go through that, and how you can even deal with it. Most people don’t. I knew it was hard to see, and if I had any idea that you’d been this upset about it for this long I would’ve stopped it right then and there…” He kissed your forehead and wiped off your tears. “I’m so sorry baby… I should’ve known.” You shook your head.

“I should’ve just told you… but I felt so stupid- letting it get to me- I wanted to just come home and clear my head and get over it… but then it got worse and I just I don’t know, I couldn't deal.” He pushed your hair from your face and let you continue after the sobs began to slow. “Now I just feel guilty and shitty for avoiding you- avoiding all of it, not telling you… especially when you are… like this- so nice, and understanding.” You scoffed harshly at yourself, making him chuckle.

“Don’t. It’s a pretty understandable way to react… I’m sorry honey…” He leaned in and kissed you softly. “Would it help if I pretend to be mad at you?” He joked lightly as you parted. You let out a weak but honest giggle and gave an exaggeratory nod. He laughed and tsked loudly. “I can’t believe it… how could someone so goddamn attractive, funny, kind, and lovable think that I’d be dumb enough to see any warrant to the words of fuckin dipshit kids? To think that I’m not already blindly and completely head over heels? I’m disappointed…” He mocked in a goofy tone.

“Shut up…” You laughed, wiping your face and pushing him playfully.

“I love you dummy.” He chuckled and kissed you again.

“I love you too, Corpsie.”

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cassafrasscr · 3 months

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Back on my Ashton Chronic Pain Soapbox for a second after 4SD, because holy shit.

Taliesin saying that, actually Ashton’s pain gets worse/harder to ignore after disappearing for a while is so fucking real, though. Like, when you're in pain for that long, you really don't realize how terrible you actually felt every day until it eases up/goes away for a time.

I've been on antidepressants to help manage my pain for a few years. They aren't a perfect solution (I still have chronic pain), but my day-to-day is much more bearable than it was before the meds. Having depressive tendencies can actually make you more receptive to pain. But also, like, being in constant pain is a giant fucking bummer.

I was literally only two days in with taking my meds when I started feeling the difference. I was still having migraines and nausea from the side effects of the meds, but my joints hurt so much less.

Even my mom was like, 'Wow, you seem so much happier lately', and I was just like, 'YEAH, BECAUSE I'M NOT HURTING SO MUCH ALL THE TIME."

I'll never forget the look she gave me after that. I don’t think she really realized how bad it was for me until that moment. A lot of people didn't really take me seriously about my pain until I got on medication for it. And I didn't fully realize how much it was dragging me down until it wasn't anymore.

But also, my pain's been so much worse lately - I suffered an injury back in August that brought a lot of my old pain roaring back, and the cold climate where I live doesn't help. Holy shit, it's such a fucking drag. My everyday pain levels are a whole lot worse than I ever remember them being before i started medication, and I am just so, so tired.

Though it saddens me to know how many of us are enduring chronic pain every day, it made me feel less alone to see everyone sharing their experiences on my last couple posts about Ashton’s pain. Having that representation is so important, and I appreciate Taliesin so much for giving it to us.

#ashton greymoore #chronic pain #critical role spoilers #cr3 #critical role #taliesin jaffe #4sd spoilers #4 sided dive #4sd

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kfedup · 1 month

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Regretsy no more

Hey, y'all. It's the lurker here.

I've been in the funkiest of funkless funks for the past few months and over the past few weeks, I've been unpacking why. Seeing how much I'm isolating because of a constellation of health-related issues and generalized depression. Have been considering trying meds. But one thing keeps coming to the surface and I finally decided it's time to deal with it.

The one thing is the only thing in my life that I regret. That thing is never having finished my bachelor's degree.

I'm twice divorced, have lost several important friendships, and moved more times than I can count to places I didn't really want to live to maintain relationships I should have never entered in the first place, but I wouldn't trade any of those things. I don't feel regret about them. Why would I? I discovered who I am and who I am not because I experienced those things. Each of them allowed me to learn how to repair what's possible and how to let go of that which is complete.

I'm very good at this marketing copywriting work but I'm bored senseless. I want to challenge myself and taking online workshops is fine but it's just more interacting through a screen and lord love a duck, my spirit needs more. Plus, I am not using my gifts of communication, empathy, mirroring, and holding space for others in the way I know I am meant to use them. For two years I've felt like I'm wasting what's left of my life.

I am so afraid I will die full of this regret.

The cost has kept me from pulling the trigger on this dream for several years. I wish I started sooner, but clearly, I wasn't miserable enough yet. I'm well and truly stuck in the muck at the bottom of the lake about it now. There's nothing left to do but swim to the surface, so here I go.

Today I applied as a transfer student to the Psychology program at Kent State University to start classes this summer. It will probably take me 3 years to finish the 2 years I have left because I'm a single-income household and will have to work. I'm terrified I won't be able to manage both, but I hope I can rally.

I'm not sure if I'll continue on to get the Psych MA at KSU or go elsewhere to get an MA in Art Therapy after I finish the BA. I also want to get certified in Internal Family Systems therapy, so I'll be 63ish or older starting a new career as a therapist and I feel excited about my future for the first time in... well... I don't even know. A very long time.

I want a career that feels meaningful to me, helps people instead of businesses, and lets me use my gifts. One I can do until I'm dead because I'mma need to work until they're spreading my ashes.

I plan to take a class this summer to dip my toes in.

Holy shit, y'all. Lila will be a senior and I will be a junior on the same campus. She's so supportive and I've been crying happy-scared-overwhelmed-curious-excited tears all day.

Kelly's going back to college. Holy shit.

#it's been 35 years #that's a hell of a gap #my student loan debt can fucking die with me #no more thinking about it #time to grab it by the balls and swing

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harlowhockeystick · 1 year

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Dumbass - Adam Warlock

Adam is a tough guy, but he's also a hard headed dumbass who doesn't know when to stop, and who also doesn't know how to ask you to help him.

Adam Warlock x guardian!fem!reader

contains: inury, cussing, fighting, tension, stitching someone up. reader is human like quill, a lot of dialogue.

requested by the lovely @carliim mwah! <3

Adam was a dumbass. Grade A, classic, book defined dumbass. All he knew, all he was good at, was fighting. Defending, throwing punches, using his powers to tear others down. He didn't think, he didn't process, he just fought.

And that is how he ended up here, lying on the dirt with a gash on his shoulder and his uniform torn halfway off. Groaning in pain, unable to lift himself up off the ground. This is it, he thought to himself, this is my end.

"Goddamnit, Warlock."

Standing above him, a cloud of dusty haze surrounding the fighting grounds as the enemies laid dead on the ground, you shrugged looking down at the pitiful god beneath you. He groaned again once he made eye contact with you.

"How come I always have to clean up your messes?" You leaned down to help him stand up off of the ground. Draping his arm over your shoulder you helped him walk back to the ship. Both of you rolled your eyes at the team's comments, rocket's whistling and laughing.

You took him back to the medical bay where you began to patch and clean his wounds, taking care of him like you've done time and time again. Frankly, you were getting sick of it. You were tired of always having to pick him up off the ground, stitch him up, to only do the same thing again two weeks later.

"Why do you look like that?" he asked you, laying on the cool table while you cleaned out the gash would as best you can.

"Like what?"

"Like you're mad, like you want to punch me." Adam responded, his voice raspy but quiet as he laid at the mercy of your healing hands.

"Because I do. Each time I stitch you up, I hope it's the last. I'm tired of this shit," Adam winced as you began to thread stitches to his shoulder after the wound had been cleaned.

He scoffed at your words and rolled his eyes, "humans, you're so entitled." Adam winced again in pain when you pressed hard on his shoulder after his comment toward you.

"Gods, you're so fucking dumb."

You spent the rest of the time fixing his wounds ignoring his comments, groans, fits of rage he had against you. He always did this any time you cleaned him up. It was so unfortunate that you were the only one available to do it, wasn't it?

You sent him off to sleep while you cleaned the med bay, and to cool off. It always took everything in you to not rip his head off. You always thought to yourself that one of these days, he is going to cry for your help again, and you won't give it. One of these days...that's gonna happen.

"Mind if I sit?" Adam asked, standing behind you with a blanket wrapped over his shoulders.

"Kind of." He sat beside you anyway, not too close but not far enough where it was awkward. Adam rested his head on his hand which was propped up by his knee, staring out into space as he sat next to you in the cool night air.

Minutes of silence went by before he spoke, his low and raspy tone making goosebumps appear on your skin against your will.

"I don't intend to be so rude to you, I don't know why it's my first reaction." Adam admitted, looking down at the dirty ground beneath him. He heard you sigh and saw you shake your head, biting back a smile.

"I forget you're only...a few years old." You started in response, "it's because boys are mean to the girls they like. It's just...how it is."

Adam frowned, looking out into the stars. He felt bad. He didn't intend on hurting her feelings, he didn't like making her feel bad. He didn't like seeing that sad and depressed look on her face.

"I'm sorry, Y/N. You don't deserve to be treated like that, you are deserving of the stars and everything beyond them." Adam turned toward her, gracefully putting his hand on her knee.

She sighed, taking a deep breath looking over at him with heavy hooded eyes. "I know. Maybe one day you'll man up enough to give them to me."

masterlist | feedback

#j's writing #adam warlock #adam warlock x reader #adam warlock imagine #adam warlock blurb #marvel imagine #marvel x reader #marvel blurb #mcu imagine #guardians of the galaxy vol 3 #guardians of the galaxy #guardians of the galaxy imagine

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freesia-writes · 7 months

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Lil Life Update for Y'all <3

I've been a lil cryptic or back-n-forth, I think, and just wanted to share a little bit about what's been going on. I say it's not for attention but who knows what motives lurk under there, LOL. It's mostly because I love you all and want to let you in, also hope that it's encouraging or connective for anyone else who's experienced the same, and also I just miss the community I have sooooo loved here. 🥹

I'm a 34yo female with 2 kids aged 4 and 7. I had depression like crazy during and after my second pregnancy especially. In Aug 2021, my primary doc suggested I try something like Zoloft since I'd been complaining of irritability, no capacity, constant worry, and other anxiety symptoms. When I did feel some relief and felt encouraged that I could "feel like myself" again, I pursued solutions for other issues I was noticing. Over the last year and a half, it's been quite a ride. ADHD symptoms led to Adderall for 4 days, then Wellbutrin for a few months, then Buspar for a few months, then Strattera (tapering up and then back down) for about 3 months, then Ritalin for 1 month, which I thought was helping until we realized that the entire month of October was basically an increasingly manic episode.

Whew.

We're talkin 2007 Britney here (ok I didn't shave it but I cut my hair off into a pixie). Spent thousands on a new wardrobe of the "dark academia" style. Bought Disneyland tickets. Invested in a photography mentorship. So much energy and inspiration. Then we realized it was getting out of hand.

I had also been tapering off a lot of the meds over the last two months, so it was just a crazy cocktail of chemicals that made my brain finally go kaput. I finished the last dose of Zoloft on November 5th, and that was the last of the meds, so now I'm off everything. My therapist thought the mania was medication-induced due to all the changes plus the addition of the stimulant, so the goal was to try to allow everything to settle down and see what "baseline" is for me right now.

And it has been frickin HARD.

Cervical vertigo. All-or-nothing sleep and appetite. Extreme sensory sensitivity. Random itchiness. Racing mind. Total inability to focus. And the worst part has been the mood swings.

I'm basically having all the symptoms of bipolar disorder in a rapid-cycle format. It may be cyclothymia, or it may be the withdrawal effects from all the meds, but regardless... It's been quite the roller coaster. The nerd in me has been fascinated by the experiential knowledge of it all, since I majored in Psychology and have always loved learning about it, but the overall negative effects on me and my family have been difficult.

I'm someone who has always relied completely on being highly capable and in control. I find my worth in my productivity and competence. And it has caused increasing stress throughout my life. I've been praying for years that God would break me of it, and I can see how he is using this to do precisely that -- lovingly trying to answer my request to be freed of this relentless pursuit of the illusion of control. He's inviting me to simple, joyful life of trust. The perspective shift is so freeing when I realize that I don't need to have it all figured out because he already does, and I can just rest in his loving guidance and look to him for the next step instead of trying to plan out every possible outcome and strategy. I went on a reflective retreat in the Santa Cruz mountains and just felt so encouraged and loved in the way he invited me to let my shoulders down and to ground myself in his warm provision and care.

But the change doesn't happen overnight.

So in the middle of a total storm of bipolar symptoms -- days of mania followed by days of depressive episodes and being so new at it all that I don't know how to navigate "normal life" with all of that -- I'm also trying to rewire 34 years' worth of the way I think and act. BUT it's a blessedly simple process: the only thing I have to worry about is this moment. I can't affect the future or the past. So all I have is right now, and I can turn to God for guidance, encouragement, insight, or anything I need in this moment, and he is so faithful to give it. But man, it's easy to forget. ;)

Literally me with that right now, trying to figure it all out on my own before I remember I can't and don't need to:

Anyway, this got LONG, surprise surprise, but I've always enjoyed being vulnerable for the sake of connection and potential encouragement. And selfishly, I'd LOVE to hear from any of you who may have had similar experiences. Right now the fixation of my [very limited] capacity is on my photography business, but I've been feeling drawn to writing more and more, and have attempted a lil drabble here and there. So I'm just patiently waiting for the inspiration to return. :)

I have so appreciated the love from you all. I also haven't been as active with reading/reblogging/supporting/etc as I was, and that's just where I'm at right now, but please know that my heart is with you even if my brain is not, LOL.

If you made it this far, you get a gold star. Or a Howzer hug. Or somethin. :)

#freesia writes #mental health monday #just another manic monday #jk today was depressive

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michelleleewise · 2 years

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For the Angst Loki fic you could do it however you like 💞😘

Ok, I'm so glad you said that, cause I have ideas....😈 soooooo hold on to your tissues, this is gonna be painful....*whispers* sorry.....

Based on this prompt......

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Forget Me Not..

Pairing: Loki x reader

Warnings: memory loss, battle sequences, minor mention of blood (not graphic) mentions of injury, smut if you squint, literally all the angst, depression, crying, anger, no happy ending to be found.

Summary: You and Loki have been dating for almost a year when an accident leads to him to losing some of his memory. What happens when the love of your life doesn't know you....

You had been with Loki for awhile now, in fact your were coming up on your one year anniversary, and you were never happier. When he first came to live at the tower he was harsh, even rude at times, but you slowly broke his defenses with your smile and happy attitude. He adored everything about you, and you knew you had found your soul mate.

"Darling, how would you feel about moving in together?" He asked holding your hand, cuddled on the couch. "Loki, I would love nothing more." You smiled as he leaned over gently kissing you. "I hope to one day be worthy enough to make you my wife." He smiled as you cupped his cheek "You have always been worthy Loki." You smiled back.

You both heard the alarm sound, knowing there was an attack somewhere, you geared up and headed to the briefing room. After listening to Steve go over everything in immense detail, you all loaded into the quinjet, ready to take on whatever was thrown at you.

"OK, I wasnt ready for this!" You yelled, coming face to face with what looked like an eight foot dog animal of some sort. Some of hydra's experiments Steve had said. You flipped the daggers in your hands and went on the attack, cutting down as many as you could, looking over seeing Loki taking on two at a time. You started making your way to him when you heard Thor "y/n, watch out." He yelled as mjolnir whizzed past your head, taking out another experiment. You saw Loki running towards you as you watched the hammer curve, making its way back to Thor.

"LOKI, STOP!" You yelled, but it was too late as you watched the hammer strike him before landing in Thor's hand. You sprinted as hard as you could, diving to kneel next to Loki, who was unconscious and bleeding pretty bad. "Thor, what do we do?" You asked looking at him. "I am not sure, this has never happened before." He shifted nervously. You checked for a pulse, breathing when you found it. "Steve, we need med evac now!" You yelled into the comms. You helped load Loki onto the jet, as the rest of the team took care of the experiments.

Loki was still unconscious when you made it back to the tower. Bruce ran scans on him as you waited with Thor. "He has multiple skull fractures but those are healing. I'm not sure what damage may have been done to his brain though. We'll have to wait and see." He sighed. "I am sorry y/n, I should have been more careful." You heard Thor say. "It was an accident, it's fine." You sighed, going to sit in the other room with Loki.

It had been three days and still no sign of him waking. "Y/n, you need rest." Thor said walking in. "No, I'm fine. He's gonna wake up anytime." You said rubbing his hand. You sat in silence together, waiting, when you heard a groan. "Loki, your awake." You breathed standing up looking at him. "Mm yes, it appears so." He said holding his head. "Where am i?" He asked slowly opening his eyes. "Your in the med bay" You smiled. "And who are you, a nurse?" He asked looking at you. "Im...I'm y/n, you know me." You smiled rubbing his hand. "I'm afraid I don't, is there a doctor?" He asked looking around. Your heart dropped as he didn't recognize you. "Thor, what are you doing here?" He asked looking over. "I was sitting with y/n, to make sure you recovered, don't you recognize her?" Thor asked. Loki turned, looking you straight in the eye "no, I don't." He said as you dropped his hand stepping back. "I...I'll get Bruce." You whispered leaving the room.

After a long winded explanation, you discovered that the impact of the hammer caused Loki to lose some of his memory. You looked down nodding as Thor patted your shoulder "he'll remember you." He said. "We don't know that, it may be permanent." Bruce said. "I better get my things out of his room before we move him." You sighed standing up. "I thought you lived together?" Thor asked. "We were going to, but now...it would be weird for me to be there when he doesn't know who I am." you said as you walked down the hall. You grabbed your things from Loki's room, looking around as a tear ran down your cheek. "I love you Loki." You sighed leaving.

A couple months had gone by, Loki had improved but his memory still hadn't returned. You had grown closer, but it wasn't the same. He treated you as a friend, a team mate, nothing more. You were sat in the common room of the tower, curled on one side of the couch reading, Loki on the other side when Steve came in. "Hey y/n, Loki this is Melissa, she's joining the team today so im giving her the tour." You looked up, seeing her smiling at Loki with heart eyes. You felt a pang of jealousy shoot through you when you looked over seeing Loki looking at her the same way. He got up, kissing the back of her hand "if you need any assistance, I'm at your service my lady." He smiled at her. You felt your heart crack.

Over the next few months they got closer. You would walk in the kitchen as they stood together smiling, they would pair up in training, they were always partners on missions. One night you couldn't sleep, so you made your way into the kitchen to make yourself some tea when you saw them. His mouth on hers, his hands roaming her body as she moaned his name. You wanted to run but you were frozen as your heart shattered and your eyes burned. You watched him lift her onto the counter, the same counter he had taken you on several times. as he laid her back, lifting her legs up, you covered your mouth running to your room. As you closed it you sank to the floor, sobs racking your body. That was supposed to be you, he was supposed to be your happy ever after, and now he was hers.

You had locked yourself away in your room for days, unable to eat you just sat and cried. He wanted to live with you, marry you. All of your dreams crashed down in front of your eyes that day. You had lost the will to do anything other then exist. Your heart broken and bleeding as you cried until you fell asleep. You heard a knock on the door, but remained silent. "Y/n, are you awake?" You heard Thor, still not responding as he came in sitting next to you. "How are you doing?" He asked, as you remained silent. He cleared his throat "y/n, I am truly sorry." He said "this is my doing and i..." he started "just go Thor." You said staring at the wall. "I will speak with him, he has to remember you, he love..." you cut him off again "no, he loves her, I'm nothing." You said still not looking at him. "Y/n, please, let me just.." he said "just go. Please." You got up going to the bathroom, locking it sitting on the tub as you heard your door open and close.

You remained on autopilot for months. Barely eating, hardly sleeping. You spent your free time in your room, alone. You went out of your way to avoid Loki, you couldn't look at him without feeling as though your heart was being ripped out. Another sleepless night found you wandering the halls towards the kitchen. You peaked to make sure no one was there before making your way in. You made a sandwich as you heard someone behind you "haven't seen you for awhile y/n, where have you been?" You heard Loki behind you freezing.

"Oh, you know. How are things with you and Melissa?" You asked, not wanting the answer. "Oh great actually. She's an incredible woman. She's actually moving into my room tonight, I came down to make her something to eat." He said. "S....she's moving in with you?" You asked looking at him as he smiled. "Yes, amazing isnt it? I don't think I've loved anyone more." He smiled. You felt your head spin watching him. Feeling like you were going to pass out and throw up at the same time. "Y/n, are you well? You look like your about to faint." He said. "I have to go." You said pushing past him towards your room. "Y/n, wait. " You heard, ignoring him you went to your room locking the door.

You grabbed your backpack, shoving as many clothes in as you could. You changed out of your pajamas, slipping your shoes on and grabbing your coat. Laying everything out on the bed, you went to your desk, grabbing a pen and paper you decided to write Loki a letter. You sobbed as you wrote, pouring everything into it you placed it in an envelope, setting it on your desk. You walked to the nightstand, picking up the framed picture you and Loki had taken, you smiling at the camera as he kissed your cheek. You covered your mouth as a sob escaped, you would never have that again.

You slipped the frame in your bag, throwing it over your shoulder as you unlocked your door, looking both ways down the hall as you snuck out. Making it to the kitchen you saw Loki had left, letting out a sigh you made a run for the door "y/n, where are you going?" You heard Thor behind you making you freeze. "I'm leaving. I can't be here anymore. I can't....I can't watch another woman take my forever from me." You said as tears streamed down your cheeks. "Y/n please, don't leave. He will remember, I know he will." He said "No! He won't!" You yelled turning around. "If we was going to he would have by now and he hasn't! He was my everything Thor and hes gone, I have nothing anymore!" You yelled hand still on the door.

"I just hope she loves him the way he deserves." You sighed wiping your face. "Y/n, please." He said stepping closer "goodbye Thor. Tell everyone I'm sorry, but.....I can't anymore." You sighed opening the door leaving, not looking back. Thor stared at the door, wanting to run after you and drag you back. "Brother, what was that about?" He heard Loki behind him, turning to see him in the doorway. "Nothing, it doesn't matter." Thor said walking to the hall as Loki stopped him "what was she talking about?" He asked as Thor looked up at him "she lost something she loves, and it broke her." Thor sighed looking down. "What did she lose?" Loki asked confused. Thor looked up into Loki's eyes "her heart brother, she lost her heart." Thor said, walking to his room.

💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚

@vbecker10 @lokiprompts @lokisninerealms @lulubelle814

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sexhaver · 1 year

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ive made this post multiple times before and will probably make it again but the worst part of getting medicated for ADHD is that the two main effects are:

mentally, you become God. everything is easy, easier than easy. things that were impossible unmedicated are insultingly trivial on 50mg Vyvanse XR. focus, executive function, sociability, memory - everything is cranked up to 11 and then has the knob ripped off. this isn't gradual, either; you can physically feel yourself go from a barely-conscious husk to the physical embodiment of efficiency over the course of 15 minutes while the THX noise plays nonstop and keeps ramping up the entire time.

physically, you break yourself in every way that matters. you grind your teeth to dust and develop TMJ until you forget there was a time when you didn't wake up every morning with a headache from clenching your jaw all night. you genuinely just forget to eat or drink for 6 hours at a time until your doctor-approved meth wears off and you can suddenly hear everything your body has been screaming, begging for you to do since breakfast. the comedown itself is hell incarnate, feeling like being dropped off a cliff onto spikes a mile below. this happens every afternoon for the rest of your life, and you know it's coming the whole time.

this leads to the following outcomes:

the first point is extremely visible to everyone in your life, often times even more so than it is to yourself.

not only does everyone else notice that you're suddenly acting differently, they like that version of you way more. i know this sounds like depressive thinking, but i have literally been told this exact line to my face multiple times. you become a less flaky friend to your peers and a more consistent worker to your boss/coworkers. by all externally visible measures, you become an objectively better person to be around.

the second point is invisible to everyone except you 99% of the time.

the other 1% of the time, they notice the side effects because the clock struck midnight 6pm and the carriage turned back into a pumpkin your meds suddenly wore off. as far as an external observer is concerned, you suddenly went from being bubbly and fun to hang out with to a hangry cranky drain on everyone's energy in 10 minutes flat.

living with these inescapable facts every single day for years on end naturally leads to the following conclusions:

"When I feel bad/stressed, everyone else likes me. When I feel good/relaxed, everyone else dislikes me."

"Feeling good is an indication that I am currently doing something wrong, or am forgetting to do something entirely. In either case, it means everyone else in my life dislikes me."

"Feeling bad is not just an indication that I am doing something right, it's a prerequisite. Unless I feel bad, nobody else in my life likes me."

"Nobody else cares how I feel, they never will, and anyone saying otherwise is a liar. Sure, people understand that they have to say they care about my feelings to avoid sounding like sociopaths, but the fact that those same people consistently like me better when I'm medicated and doing nice stuff for them (while screaming internally and grinding my teeth to dust) than when I'm unmedicated and relaxing proves that they're full of shit."

"Since I'm literally the only person who cares about my own happiness (see above), and everyone else on Earth is happier when I'm suffering, it's not just difficult for me to fight depression and assert my self-worth - it's actively harming everyone else around me."

eventually you learn to turn off your feelings for a while to get through especially bad patches, but the entire thought process never goes away and eventually starts impacting how you view other people. i don't have a hopeful note to end this post on.

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ros3ybabe · 7 months

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Day 9 - 90 Day Challenge 🎀

I really hope I'm on the right day because it seems like time has been going by slower since I've started this challenege? Maybe its just the way my silly little brain processes time. Or maybe I missed a few days and forgot. Who knows?

🏋‍♀️ Physical Health

honestly, nothing. I over ate, didn't drink enough water, had way too much caffiene, forgot to take my meds, didnt leave my room much at all, and ate a bit unhealthy because i was so sad.

oh, but I did eat an apple and some red grapes as a snack! maybe that counts?

🧠 Mental Health

again, nothing. it got so bad that I did have to take an anxiety med (I have some prescribed as needed for insomnia/high anxiety moments) and it calmed my brain down right away.

❤️ Emotional Health

had another talk with my boyfriend about how I've been feeling, this time in regards to our relationship.

watched a movie with my boyfriend over video call <3

bought a new set of sports bras online as a form of retail therapy + I need them

📚 Intellectual Health

also, nothing. it was a holiday, I didn't want to stress myself out with school work. that's gonna be for today.

🏘 Adulting

cleaned my bathroom a little bit (finally). scrubbed and wiped down the toilet, disinfected the sink, faucet, and counter, and cleaned the mirror!

took out my bedroom trash and threw away old (moldy) plastic food containers that I forgot about for almost a week (so sad)

organized my never ending pile of tote bags and belts to make more space in my room

did a load of laundry and put away ALL of the clean clothes in my room (there were two very full baskets of clean clothes just waiting to be organized)

organized my desk

🥰 Self Love/Care

did my morning skincare

showered and washed my hair and put on clean, fresh clothes (in an effort to get out of my depressive slump)

tried to let in some natural sunlight (it was a gloomy, cloudy day but I tried)

My only *smallish goals for today is to drink an entire bottle of my electrolyte water (1 liter) + 3 more smaller bottles of water, finish my current psyc notes, a quiz, and maybe a writing assignment that's due on Monday, maybe study for my psyc final and work on the final paper, eat a bit healthier today, and try to get outside for maybe a little bit. and remember to take my meds.

I don't like feeling so down. but I know when I feel restricted or trapped or super introverted, that's when I start self sabotaging. I choose to stay inside because my brain gives me anxiety fueled excuses about why I shouldn't go outside. But that makes the depression worse. I try to compensate by over eating to get those dopamine hits, but that makes me feel bad and fuels the depression.

I just need to work on building sustainable, healthier, easy to execute habits for when I get like this. it'll be the best thing I can do for myself. and it'll make my life a whole lot easier.

that's my little mini rant for the day. if anyone has any tips for building healthy habits to work with their depression, I'd love to hear them.

til next time lovelies 🩷

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flyiingsly · 5 months

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What will become of us

Part 1

Square : Is this for me ?

Pairing : Dogma x f!jedi!reader

Warnings : Mention of death and injuries, mention of Umbara, a lot of angst, implied depression

Wordcount : 4,9k

Summary : After the treason of Krell and the disaster of Umbara, you couldn’t stop worrying about Dogma and are determinate to go visit him at the GAR prison, without expecting how much of an impact on your life this decision will soon have.

A/N : Finally ! My last submission for the @clonexreaderbingo !! I'm so glad and proud to have made it to the end ! This event was such a big and important challenge to me, this year was very messy and awful on so many levels of my life, and writing and focusing on it really helped me go through all of this ❤

Thank you so much to the wonderful @ghostofskywalker for organizing this event, it was sooo much fun :D

That one was reaaaally hard to write ! I really got carried away and it actually moved me a lot and gave me a looot of feels. It was starting to be a bit long and I still had things to add, so I decided to turn it into a two chapters story !

(Now that I'm about to post it, I just noticed that the mention to the bingo square is in the second part ... It really didn't catch my attention until now, I hope it still will count :O )

@dystopicjumpsuit if you're still interested, here it is (the beginning at least) :D

Enjoy ❤

The sky around the ship became clouded as it entered the atmosphere of Coruscant. You barely had a conversion with the others for the entire flight, just a few words exchanged here and there, but you could feel that nobody really wanted to talk at all. So you just remained silent.

It was the first time that a journey with the 501st boys was that silent, and it seemed never-ending. You were just coming back from Umbara with what was left of your battalion. That mission was one of the deadliest you’ve ever been part of, and one of the most mentally destructive, both for you and your men.

Everybody was tired and feeling strange, and as you looked around you, they were all staring into space with empty eyes, still processing what happened on that damn planet. There was usually cheering and agitation when a mission ended and that you were on the way back home. But not this time, and you couldn’t blame anyone for not at least try to relax the atmosphere.

You, too, were still processing what happened these last few days.

When the ship finally landed, you helped the medics carrying the wounded to the med bay. You exchanged a long, desperate and full of pain glance with Kix, before he disappeared behind the walls of one of the many emergency rooms of the building. His mission wasn’t over yet, and you couldn’t even help him with that burden.

You looked around you for a moment, completely still in the idle of the agitation, contemplating the endless flow of blue and orange painted amours passing the doors. You were feeling powerless right now, and tears were starting to form in your eyes.

“General …”

You heard a distant voice, but you were so lost in thought that you didn’t even noticed it was coming toward you.

“(Y/n) …” a gentle hand settled down on your shoulder, making you jump in surprise.

“It’s ok, it’s just me ...” It was Rex. He looked so tired, even more than everyone else. You had spent a couple nights together back at the Umbarian base, unable to sleep and crying your eyes out, hidden in a tiny room so none of your men could see you like that, trying to ease your pain and process this mess of a situation, comforting each other as you were always doing when things go wrong. Although this time, it was worse than everything you ever had to go through before.

“General Kenobi just called me, the Jedi council want to see you as soon as possible. I guess that they need explanations … “

You had broken your commlink on the battlefield, so no one was able to contact you directly. He looked at you right in the eyes, you knew he had noticed the tears, you didn’t even try to wipe them, you just answered his look. You didn’t need to talk much to understand each other sometimes, eye contact was enough.

“I have another thing to do before, they’ll have to wait a bit longer.” You briefly replied.

“As you wish”, he whispered. He knew exactly where you were going, it probably wasn’t the wisest thing to do, but he didn’t protest. He knew you needed it.

“But please”, he added, his look turning more concerned, “be careful, (Y/n), and try to be easy on yourself, there’s nothing we could have done to prevent all of that, it’s not your fault.”

His voice was trembling, you could feel the lump in his throat. You both felt terribly guilty about everything, and you knew that he was trying to convince himself as well as convincing you. You badly wanted to hold him in your arms to comfort him right now, but the only thing that you were allowed to do in front of so any peoples was to, as he did before, to put your hand on his shoulder.

“I will, same for you, please, you deserve some peace too.” you answered with emotion filling your voice, nearly whispering.

“Thank you, (Y/n), I hope to see you later.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be back soon.”

You gave him a soft smile before leaving the med bay, already planning to visit him at the GAR base right after meeting the council.

But for now, you had something important to do.

***

The GAR prison was a vast building appended to the Coruscant Guards base. When you introduced yourself at the entrance, the two troopers watching the door easily let you in. But once in the reception, explaining that you were here to see a prisoner, you were greeted by a surprised and confused guard, who immediately called his superior.

Jedi usually never come at the prison, even less to see a clone prisoner.

You were well known by the Coruscant Guards, for you had already worked with them on several occasions. So, when a helmetless Commander Fox showed a couple minutes later, he wasn’t that surprised to see you.

It was common knowledge to everyone that had met you that you were very close to your men and having a very unique relationship with them. And needless to say that the news of a member of the famous 501st being imprisoned here had already flied around the other battalions. It was something as unexpected as hard to understand. So Fox quickly connected the dots.

“General (Y/n), it’s an honor to see you here !” he greeted you.

“The honor is for me, Marshall Commander.” you greeted him back with a smile.

He opened his mouth to ask you if you were here to see that particular blue armored trooper, but quickly refrained himself. Nobody exactly knew for now what happened on Umbara and why that prisoner was here outside of “treason”, only rumors had filtered, and he didn’t want to become too intrusive by asking. You stared at each other for a moment, before he finally says something, suddenly feeling uneasy under the gaze of his confused soldier.

“I’ll handle that, thank you”, he spoke toward his men, before addressing you, ”Please, follow me.”

You nodded and both headed to his office. It was the first time you entered that prison, and beside your apparent confidence, that place was making you nervous. Fox didn’t said a word until the door of his office was shut close and he was sit at his desk.

“So, I have been told that you were here to visit a prisoner, right ?”

“Right.”

“Nobody told me about an interrogation taking place today”, he said trying to look oblivious, scrolling on his datapad, avoiding your gaze.

“Actually, I’m not here to lead any interrogation … One of my men, a lieutenant from the 501st, had been incarcerated in this prison a few days ago, and I just … I just need to see him, to make sure that he’s ok, you know … That last mission was particularly grueling, things … happened …” you were trying to find your words without revealing too much details, but you were desperate to shorten that meeting, the only thing you wanted right now was to finally see him again.

“It’s not fair for him to be here” you finally carried on, “I just need to reassure him about his fate, to tell him that his superiors are not gonna let him down and will fight for his reintegration.”

Fox raised his head from his data pad, meeting your worried eyes with a look that couldn’t hide his suspicion about your presence here anymore. You exchanged another long and heavy stare, he clearly was in the middle of some big moral dilemma. He finally let out a sigh, putting down his datapad on his desk.

“He’s not supposed to leave his cell for now, so I can’t lead him at the parlor or the interrogation room, and it’s categorically forbidden for him to receive any visitors. Thes orders emanate from the Jedi Council itself, they cannot be bypassed …”

Your heart sank in your chest, you opened your mouth to speak, you were ready to argue, but Fox stopped you in yours tracks.

“But”, he quickly picked up, “I could be in charge of the reception for one night, and be urgently and unexpectedly called by one of my officer, because, you know, things happen sometimes … Which will cause the entrance to be left completely unsupervised … That could be the perfect occasion for an unauthorized visitor to enter here without being bothered …”

He stopped, looking insistently at you. You weren’t really sure what he was driving at, until he came closer to you above his desk, still looking at you right in the eyes, and added in a sadder tone.

“Look, rumors are going on about what had happened on Umbara. Awful things have been said, news spread fast between soldiers you know. We weren’t precisely informed about why that man is here, but if you say that he didn’t deserves it and since you know more than us, then I trust you. To be honest, he was looking so miserable when he came here that I felt sorry for him. Whatever happened had obviously broke him, and I think that he, indeed, deserve some support. The Council wanted him alone in a whole wing of the prison for a reason that I think I understand now, they didn’t want anyone to communicate with him because the situation must be problematic enough for them to keep it undercover. But that also means that nobody will know if someone come to visit him. On the contrary of the civilian prison, there’s no video monitoring in this building, so I think it’s safe.”

Your eyes immediately started to glimmer when you finally understood his point.

“Thank you so much Fox !” you let out with relief, “I could never thank you enough for that !”

“Well, let’s say that you owe me a couple drinks on our next night out at the 79’.” He let out with a teasing grin while standing up from his chair to head toward the door.

“As many as you want !” you exclaimed, following him in an instant.

***

As you entered the corridor leading to the cells aisle, the silence became crushing. The only thing that was breaking it was the repetitive sound of your footsteps on the cold floor, reverberating on the bare walls. You crossed the empty space without a word, until you arrived in front of a massive door.

“Here we are … You’ll need that to get inside and to go out, don’t forget to bring it back to me before leaving the building. This one cannot open the cell if that was what you were thinking about.” Fox joked, holding a pass card to you.

“It’s the cell number 42, take all the time you’ll need, nobody will come until 1900, he’s not allowed to go at the mess hall neither, so we have to bring him his diner here.”

“Thank you again Fox” you answered with a grateful look.

“No problems ma’am !”

As the Marshall Commander left you alone, you presented the pass in front of the locking pad, allowing the heavy curtain to open in a sudden whoosh sound. Once on the other side, you stayed on the doorstep for a moment, contemplating the disturbing, cold and endless corridor framed with little empty rooms on both side.

The ceiling was low and the luminosity wasn’t very high, making the space even more distressing. You flinched a little when the door suddenly closed behind you, pulling you out of your thoughts. You realized that you were awfully nervous as you felt your heart pounding faster in your chest.

You slowly started to move forward, looking around you to find the number 42 cell. It soon appeared into your field of vision, and you reached for it with a faster pace, your anxiety level increasing again and the fear of what you were about to find on the other side of the thick transparent door growing in your mind.

When you finally arrived in front of it, your heart instantly broke. Here he was, sat on the floor at the foot of his narrow bed, curled up on himself with his head settled on top of his bended knees, buried between his folded arms.

Seeing him like that made you want to cry, a mix of intense pity, sadness and despair hit you like a wave. You clenched your fists. He never deserved to be treated like that, you though. All you wanted to do right now was to break through that stupid door and take him into your arms to comfort him, to tell him that everything will be alright.

But you couldn’t.

So you just closed your eyes, took a deep breath and did your best to regain your composure, before reopening them and addressing him gently.

“Dogma ?” you let out in a soft, interrogative tone.

Your words were nearly a whisper, but still loud enough for him to hear you. His head slowly rose from his knees, and his eyes widened at your sight. You noticed that he must have been crying recently and probably was severely sleep deprived by the bags under his eyes, making you feel even worse for him.

“Ge … General ?” His voice was weak and trembling. “What are you doing here ? I thought I wasn’t allowed to see anyone …” He stood up with difficulty, nearly stumbling on his feet.

“I know” you breathed out, as he came closer, placing himself in front of you, “but let’s say I got a little help to bypass the problem.” you added with a smile.

A sudden expression of confusion crossed his face.

“Why would you do that ?” he asked.

“I needed to make sure that you were ok, I wanted to see you again, you know, I … I was worried about you.”

He was, indeed, looking miserable, and you could see by the sudden watering of his pupils that your concern was touching him deeply. He lowered his head, trying to hide his pain.

“Thank you … You didn’t had to, nobody care about murderers and traitors …”

“I care … What’s happening to you is not fair, and I needed you to know that I’m not gonna let you down, I will fight to get you out of here and to have you rehabilitated. I’m never leaving any of my men behind, you’re not alone Dogma.”

He couldn’t refrain his tears anymore, and he raised his hands to his face in an unsuccessful attempt to cover it.

“I will never get out of here ! The only think that I deserve right now is to be court marshalled and properly executed. The Jedi are never gonna let that pass.”

You throat tightened, tears raising at the corner of your own eyes. You wanted to stay strong, but it was becoming harder and harder not to fall apart.

“Please, don’t ever say that, it will not happen, I will never authorize it.” your voice was soft but determined, and you were putting all of your remaining energy into preventing it from cracking, “Listen, you did your best, you took the right decision …”

“But I nearly made you shot ! And all for nothing ! I acted like a fool, following orders blindly, and for what ? I nearly executed my own brothers ! You should hate me, all of you ! I’m a monster !” he harshly cut you, almost screaming with rage and frustration, his hands curling into fists against his distorted face.

The roughness of his words took you aback, you could hear his suffering piercing through his voice, and you had no idea what to answer him at first, your mouth staying open but no sound escaping it.

You stayed silent for a moment, searching for the right words, before swallowing hard and trying to articulate something.

“Dogma …” you murmured, “I don’t hate you, none of us do …”

His whole body was shaking, and you could hear the muffled sob he was trying to contain, but he wasn’t moving otherwise, his body like paralyzed with pain. You took a deep breath before going on again.

“Please, don’t be that hard on yourself, you did your best, you did what you thought was right, and nobody can blame you for that. I don’t want you to end up executed, I will never allow that, I promise you, I will plead your case in front of the Jedi Council. You’re a good soldier Dogma, and a good man, whatever mistake you’ve made, it’s hard enough to bear for you, I know your guilt is already enough of a burden, I don’t want you to be punished more than that. I’ve said it and I’ll say it again, you did your best, you deserve to live, and as any other of my men, you’re more than just a number to me, and I will do whatever I can to help you overcome all of this.”

The gentleness of your voice and your reassuring words soon made him calm down. His fists slowly unclenched and relaxed, his hands ending up slipping from his face as his sobbing turned into a silent whimper.

He was still not looking at you, but you knew by the twitching of his eye leads that he wanted to, but probably was too ashamed to do it.

“Thank you …” he shyly mumbled, still sniffling.

“It’s okay, you’re gonna be safe, I promise you” you muttered, absent mindlessly settling your hand on the clear door.

He caught a glimpse of your gesture from the corner of his eye, and it made him raise his head, surprised, his dark brown orbs finally meeting yours.

You stared at each other for a few seconds. The way he looked at you was so intense that it made your heart skips a bit. Then his gaze slowly lowered to land on the spot where your skin was touching the door. And without a warning, he raised one of his hand and gently placed it on the other side, his large palm and strong fingers entirely covering yours.

You saw him blink a few time, like if he was just realizing what he was doing, a faint shade of red appearing on his cheeks, but neither of you could remove your respective hand from the surface, too afraid to end this special moment and break the connection.

His body warmth was irradiating through the transparent material despite his thickness, and for a moment, you got lost in it, wondering about that strange feeling of being so close and so apart from each other at the same time.

***

When you showed up at the Jedi Temple later, you were having a knot in your stomach. You had the feeling that you were about to go through an excessively long interrogation. You were the only jedi to have witnessed what happened on Umbara, so you were a very important element for the understanding of the situation.

You were right.

The council spent hours questioning you on every little detail of the events. You did your best to stand for Dogma, to make them understand that it was the best thing to do, and that his action was a courageous and selfless one. But the council only listened to you, never showing what they were really thinking about it. They just sat here without a word, while you were pleading his case.

When you finally get out of the Council Chamber, you were feeling exhausted and empty. It took so long that the night was now upon Coruscant. The worst part was that you had absolutely no idea about what was going to happen now, and you couldn’t do anything more about it.

You sigh when you catch the view of the military prison while standing at the temple’s forecourt. You were supposed to go take some well-deserved sleep, but you wanted to visit the 501st before. You just needed to be surrounded by your men, to spend time with them, to talk to them, and to show them your undefective support. You were all in this together, after all.

Without even looking back, you go down the temple stairs and headed toward the GAR building, disappearing into the darkness.

***

As you were about to leave the prison on your first visit, Dogma asked you if you were going to come back again. And of course, you promised him that you will as soon as possible.

At that time, the Jedi Council had decided to not assign you to any new mission until the situation has been clarified. They needed to know how and by what means General Krell ended up betraying the Order and the Republic, how nobody was able to notice it sooner, and if anyone else among the jedi or the clones could have been or could still be complicit in the treason.

It was a really big deal both for the Order and for the GAR, and as you were a key witness, they needed you to stay near, both to protect you and to watch you, and you found yourself assigned to stay on Coruscant, while another jedi was temporarily affected to assist General Skywalker with the 501st.

They were still conducting interrogations among the clones, soldiers as well as officers, and you have already been auditioned several times yourself after meeting the Council, by the GAR committee of inquiry and even by the Chancellor himself.

But things weren’t going as easily as they should have. The whole situation seemed to be dragging on, and the pressure and suspicion that were weighting upon on you were harder and harder to bear. Even if the council wasn’t saying it out loud, you could feel that they were doubting you.

You were stuck on Coruscant, far from your battalion and worrying about your men, unable to help them when you should have been by there side to support them, and it was making you sick.

You had absolutely no idea about how long all of this was going to last, and the only thing you had been allowed to do was to helplessly wait until things could finally move on a little. It felt like a punishment to you. Maybe it was a way for the Council to test your nerves and patience, you couldn’t tell at this point.

It was hard and uncertain times for you. You could feel the distance growing between you and your fellow jedi every time you were trying to reach for one of them, to engage a conversation, to seek their company.

Something had changed in the way they were perceiving you, you knew it, but you couldn’t blame them, despite feeling lonely and outcasted. In all your spare time, you started to question yourself a lot, thinking about the purpose of this war, of the Order, even about your place in all of this, wandering if all of these sacrifices really were necessary, and if justice was finally going to come someday.

The Council eventually ended up assigning you to help Master Jocasta in the archives department, asking you to be patient, simply telling you that their investigation was progressing, although they never gave you much more details about it.

You kept asking them about the fate of the prisoner, but they just told you that it wasn’t the first priority right now, and that they’ll treat his case later.

You did your best to look as impassive and unaffected as possible during all that time, to not let your emotions and worries show too much to anyone, feigning to resiliently handle the situation. But on the inside, you were starting to grow more and more tired and desperate every day, and as much as you appreciated to work with Master Jocasta, you were badly craving to leave Coruscant and go back on missions again.

Since the beginning of the war, you had never spent as much consecutive time on that planet, and mostly, you had never been separated from your battalion for so long.

Of course, you always stayed in touch with them, no matter how far they were send to, but still, it was impossible for you not to worry about them. So every time they were back on Coruscant, you took the chance to spend as much time as possible with them.

Nothing was the same without you as they say, and nothing was the same without them. Despite all the hard times shared together, there were also moments of pure joy, fun and complicity, and you were missing those deeply.

You were missing each one of those clones very deeply, in fact.

That’s how your daily appointments at the prison began. Nobody knew except for Fox and Rex, to who you were regularly giving news about his soldier. You were extremely lucky to have the Marshall Commander on your side, you could have never done that without his help, at all. That man was a blessing, even if it had costed you so many drinks already. You’ll be forever owing him that favor.

Your routine was every day the same : you were leaving the Jedi temple at dawn, entering the prison by a hidden service door known only by the guards, and sneaking into Fox’s office to retrieve the pass before heading to Dogma’s cell.

Sometimes the Commander was here in his office to greet you and give it to you, sometimes he wasn’t and you were picking it up by yourself. He was trusting you blindly, as long as the pass was back in his drawer the moment you left. To be honest, you were a Jedi General, you were basically having the authorization to access to any office in the building if you really wanted to.

The only thing that was ultimately forbidden to you was to open one of these cells by yourself without the permission and supervision of the Senate or the Jedi Council.

Since you were visiting him, you could see that Dogma was in better shape than the first time you saw him. He was slowly regaining a bit of hope, and even if guilt was still hitting him hard sometimes, he started to understand that what he did was the only possible outcome at the time, it was going to happen anyway, whether by Rex’s hand or his own.

It seemed like your presence was the only glimpse of joy given to him in the never-ending state of isolation he was forced into, and witnessing his face enlightening and a warm smile growing on his lips as soon as you were showing in front of his cell was making your heart melt every time.

Every one of those encounters always ended up the same way : before leaving, you laid your hand against the door, and Dogma put his on the other side, in front of yours.

It was the gesture that comforted him the most the first time you came, and on the second visit, it was him who initiated it. He didn’t need to ask you, for you immediately understood what it meant when he settled his hand on the glassy surface, answering his move without a word.

The truth was, you needed comfort too, you were feeling absolutely down staying at the Temple, and you were even starting to lose track of time when remaining there for too long without going outside. The high and thick stone walls of the sacred building became more and more oppressive and started to feel less and less like home to you. All you wanted to do was to escape from here as much as you could, even if it was a very hard thing to accept.

In this context, visiting him soon became the only thing that was giving you a reason to keep waiting and to go on without losing your mind. It turned into the time of the day that you were waiting for the most, a very special and intimate moment that you wouldn’t miss for anything in the world.

You were opening more and more to each other, sharing more and more personal things at each occasion, to the point that you came to knew each other nearly better than anyone else ever. A very strong bond built up between the two of you. Something that emerged from loneliness and concern at first, but quickly evolved into a sincere and fond connection. You could both feel it, even if you weren’t understanding the true nature of it yet.

As the days passed by, you started to badly wish that you could cross the prohibition and open the door, to finally be able to touch him for real, to feel the warmth of his body and the contact of his skin against yours without any more filters or boundaries.

You weren’t supposed to allow yourself to get attached as a Jedi, but deep inside of you, you knew that it was too late, and this since a long time already.

But little do you knew that you weren’t the only one to feel like that.

#cfb2023 #vi writing #dogma x reader #clone trooper dogma #clone trooper dogma x reader #the clone wars #the clone wars x reader #star wars #star wars x reader #the clone wars fanfiction #star wars fanfiction

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vole-mon-amour · 1 year

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3x12, Jamie edition, part 4.

Jamie is basically ruling this game at this point. My wonderful, wonderful boy. All this training. All that development through the seasons. I am so fucking proud of him.

You know what this reminds me of? "Hey Jamie! JAMIE! 🖕"

It was what, 1x022? 1x03? When Ted wanted Jamie to be like this and Jamie was like, "Is this a fucking joke? But no one is laughing. I'm not fucking doing this." And now? NOW??? LOOK AT HIM GO!!!!

They fit sooo many callbacks into this ep. I love it.

Jamie in the center of attention again. Jamie celebrating with Sam and the entire team cheering them on. Beard running towards them. I want to grab them all in one huge hug.

Just what, a day or two ago a was begging for them to win, in a post about how important it is for me for Jamie to score? They did it. They fucking did it. ;_; I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

Ted celebrating with his previous team. Ted celebrating with this team. And look at Jamie. My boy.

Guys. How am I supposed to just let this show go? The thing that Jason created... Tears, just tears. The only piece of media that I was able to consume in 2021 and that got me through that year after my parents died. My goodness, it's everything.

He. Him. I'm gonna ignore the circumstances bc fuck that. Jamie deserves better.

But while I'm at it, Jamie needs therapy just as much as Roy. With his depression and PTSD it would only be right. Jamie probably needs meds, too. I want him to get better (and remove his abuser from him! Who fucking thought this was a good idea? Who thought to "forgive your abuser" is the right thing to do? I have questions to the writing room.)

Knee to knee, kiss already. I can feel so much Brett in this Roy, but I'm glad the boys are having fun together and seem to genuinely be very good friends.

Ooh, you make me live Whatever this world can give to me It's you, you're all I see Ooh, you make me live now, honey

That kind of thing. :) Now I can make edits, hehe.

Jamie being good friends with Rebecca? Are you kidding me? This is perfect. The height difference so that he has to tip toe :')

Also, Keeley in sneakers instead of high heels is such a wonderful development. Hell yeah, babe! Let your feet rest!

Roy was turning so for a second I thought he was going to join the hug and hug Jamie from behind. *deep sigh* Almost a kiss this season, almost a romantic hug. If only.

Soft boy. :') Such uncharacteristic, unusual look but yeah :')

So you can canonize this but not RJ and/or RJK? Really? Where did all the talk about Roy and Jamie being the best couple of the show go? Phil? Phil, I have questions.

But hey, for better or for worse, by weird feeling of Roy, Jamie, and Keeley all staying single seems to be working? Sure, they showed them all together, we can take it any way we like it. But I definitely see it more like Roy x Jamie at best and Keeley is focusing on her work. Roy and Jamie are sitting next to each other, very, VERY close & Keeley is a bit away from them. Hugging Phoebe :') She still loves that girl, obviously.

Lots to process, but if it IS the end of the show, I can basically make anything I want out of this. Which is still better than what they could've done, for which I'm still a tiny bit grateful. Didn't ruin it completely and thanks for that.

This isn't final thoughts, just some after the first watch. Gotta think on it and sleep on it and live for like a week on it.

#natiswatching #jamie tartt #ted lasso #roy x jamie #roy x jamie x keeley

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itsclydebitches · 11 months

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I’m screaming Clyde, what WAS that epilogue?! Also since semblances were just a discussion did you notice the moment when the guy tripped and Qrow caught him THEN we see the pin? Which is probably calling back to the mine incident where he tripped and Clover caught him? But now he’s kinda in the unique position of causing both. Looks like Qrow did indeed get a semblance upgrade without explanation. Maybe that’s why he’s so dang happy lol

Oh man you're right! That callback didn't occur to me, but it seems too big a coincidence to not be a callback. Yeah, I'm wondering now if we're meant to take this as further evidence that Qrow's semblance has evolved into a kind of...equalizer? The man near him still trips (bad luck) but now Qrow, in a mirror of Clover and his own good luck semblance, is able to catch him with a smile. I mean yeah, we could simply chalk that up to Huntsmen reflexes, but it seems a little too on-the-nose to not be meaningful, particularly after the miraculous save on the airship. That begs the question though of what this actually means for Qrow moving forward. I mean, if he has good luck and bad luck now, don't they just cancel each other out? That's just normal luck. Congrats, your semblance makes you like everyone else where some good things and some bad things happen in your vicinity.

Ngl, after RWBY semi-canonically introduced the concept of some semblances severely impacting mental heath via Ironwood, my mind immediately jumped to the possibility of Qrow's upgrade coloring his reaction to everything. Not that I think this is actually happening in the story (and not that I'd want RT to attempt such a story-line), but from a fun AU possibility my brain went, "Qrow is acting all content and optimistic after everything in his life has gone to shit. Salem won back in Atlas, she's two steps closer to destroying the world, a whole Kingdom is dead/displaced, his nieces are presumably dead and at some point he's going to have to tell Tai that... and yet he's smiling. Not even in a 'I'm holding it together through extreme denial' way, but acknowledging that yes, he's actually, surprisingly happy. That doesn't make sense! I wonder if this spontaneous upgrade that presumably revolves around generically Good Things is fucking with his head somehow." In more nuanced and respectful hands, it might be interesting to explore what it means for a magic-based power to influence someone's mood. Can it be equated to medication? Is it seen as an "unnatural" version of who they are (something that, again like meds, could be a bias the show works to unpack)? As events unfold, is it revealed that his semblance simply gives him a stronger, more optimistic will for shouldering such tragedy, or does it become clear that he's not reacting appropriately to what everyone recognizes as—formerly for him—crippling emotional blows? There's a difference between, "My semblance keeps me from sinking back into my self-destructive depression. No, I'm not like who I was before and that's a good thing" vs. "Ruby? Yang? Uh... sure. I guess I miss them? I recognize that I'm supposed to miss them... but I'm fine! Why wouldn't I be? They did a good thing, those girls, trying to save the world and all, but now it's time to move on. Chins up, everyone! :)"

In my attempts to work through Qrow's everything from the epilogue, I'm also dying to know how long has passed. This is one of those times when a firmer timeline makes a huge difference because it can make or break our acceptance of these characterizations. How long did it take for them to accept that Team RWBY aren't coming back? How long passed after that when Qrow goes to wipe dust off the grave? If it's, say, a few days or weeks then I'm like hey wtf they should still be DEVASTATED. If, however, we've jumped forward six months, a year... that at least makes a little more sense. I don't like that we've skipped over all the cliffhanger conflicts of Volume 8 as well as a long-term grieving arc for every character that would fundamentally change who they are and their approach to this war... but I find that slightly easier to swallow then Qrow strutting around the new slums with a smile on his face, happily telling the ghosts of his dead family that he's doing surprisingly good during the end of the world.

Also, in the realm of skipped-over character growth, I saw someone point out that Oscar's tiny smile at the group's arrival... might not be Oscar's. Or might not be Ozpin's. God knows the writers have proven that they don't know how to write the merge on screen—they just keep insisting it's happening without either of them changing in any meaningful way—so this would be the perfect opportunity for them to just skip over all the important bits and land on the final product, a la Oscar getting over his crisis in Volume 6. If we hypothesize based on what RWBY has shown us before (ha) we should expect for Ozpin to be gone for good and Oscar is now in control, but with mannerisms and knowledge that he's never displayed before; a fundamental shift in his personality. After all, we never got to hear Ozpin the host. The show acts like Ozma existed on his own after a certain point, a body without a voice in his head anymore, but living as a, you know, merged version of himself and whoever was last with him. Which I hate! And Oscar hated it too, as evidence by him understandably freaking out about it, but the story never bothered to let him work through that. (Or just solve it with the magical aura machine + android bodies that have already been introduced.) As a favorite of mine, I'm not looking forward to being told that they've merged now. It's not Oscar. It's not Ozpin. It's someone who sounds like both at times, but really the characters you enjoyed are gone... without fully being gone. Combined with worry that Ironwood might come back—someone commented that the "Don't come back" was directed at Weiss, though that doesn't make any sense to me?—if we do get Volume 10 I can't help but think that, like Penny, the writers aren't going to leave these characters alone, despite them supposedly having left the story.

#rwde #rwby #mymetas

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