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#his birthday is in a few days but I’m BROKE so he’ll have to wait for Christmas for his gifts 😭

lazydoodlesandfanfic · 1 year

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Finally Reunited (Dean Winchester X Daughter!Reader) *PARENTAL

Characters: Dean Winchester X Daughter!Reader

Universe: Supernatural

Warnings: Death, Character death, angst, mourning, hints of suicidal thoughts/tendencies (It’s Dean)

Request: Hello could you do dean winchester x daughter reader and btw if its okay for you to write the end episode of spn. Wherein instead of dean died its the reader and then they kinda have talk in the heaven. Kinda miss you writing angsty lop wait are you still writing son or not?

Dean had known that this day would come eventually. The day where he died and there was no coming back. He couldn’t say he was surprised, he had gone into that case knowing it was more than likely a suicide mission, even Sammy knew that and told him as much. He thought of his little brother, now alone in the land of the living until his own time came for him, but Sammy was an adult, he had been for a long time, he was always the more rational one, the one to think things through- he’ll be fine, he’ll have a long life, maybe pass on the Winchester name and when his time comes, Dean will be there waiting for him. And anyway, there was someone else who he needed to see, someone who’s been waiting for him for far too long.

As the beautiful garden around him entered his vision, he didn’t bother to look at the details, only looking around frantically. He knew where he was, he knew he was dead, he knew he was in heaven, and he knew that you had be there. The garden at first glance was empty, and that made his heart jump into his throat for a moment before he looked around again, and spotted what he was looking for. Pass the pond with a bridge over it on his left, was a gravel pathway that led to a large round gazebo, and stood upon it, looking off into the horizon, was you. Dean sighed with relief. You were here.

He let his legs carry him over the bridge and down the path, and as he grew closer, he knew it was you without a doubt. You were wearing the same clothes you wore when you died, all the way down to his old jacket that he had given you just the birthday prior to your death that he had hoped would have stopped the long, ragged nail from puncturing your back and heart, but it was false hope, and seeing the jacket, clean of any blood, made him shudder. He could still feel the cold leather on his fingertips as he held you in his arms as you passed away, and the last time he saw that jacket alongside you was when he had to burn your body. Seeing it again, seeing you, was a surreal feeling, and he didn’t know what to say, even when he was right behind you. All he could think to say was your name.

You heard him, and it was like your mind became crystal clear. All the noise in your head while daydreaming vanished. You slowly turned, looking over your shoulder until you saw his face clearly. “Dad?” Your voice was what finally broke the man. He didn’t even try holding back as a sob hit his body and he took a large step forward and engulfed you into his arms. For you, you were in shock, but that didn’t stop you from grabbing ahold of him just as tightly.

“I missed you so much.” Dean told you, letting his heart speak and nothing else. “I’m sorry it took me so long to get to you.” He pulled away just enough to properly look at your face- oh how he missed it. Since you’d died he’d been relying on photos on his phone and older photos he had printed out from when you were a lot younger to speak to you. He had a collection of photos in his room on a shelf- from the first photo he took of you when you were a tiny baby, fully unaware of the world to the very last photo he got of you, which was taken moments after you had successfully pranked your uncle, making your dad insanely proud. It was just a few days after that final photo you were killed, and he kept that photo on his bedside, so everynight before he went to bed he could look at it, look at you, talk to you, and make promises to you. Promises to kill the monster who killed you. Promises to tie up his loose ends. Promises to not leave you waiting for him. He kept those promises.

“How did you die?” You asked him. He wasn't expecting that. He stumbled over his words a bit. He knew that if he told you the truth, that he died at the end of a hunt, bleeding out in the Impala, you’d be upset, maybe even disappointed. Most arguments with you were about his recklessness, fearing a life without him, a life where he died and didn’t come back and left you alone. “Did you have a long life?” You asked him, not waiting for a response.

“Yeah. Yeah, I did.” The words slipped from his mouth. He felt bad lying to you, but he thought about it, and realised… yeah. He did. He never thought he’d made it to his thirties, nevermind his forties, and he definitely didn’t think that in his life he’d become a rather to a little girl, more importantly live long enough to watch her grow up, or even outlive her. He’d lived a long life when it comes to the life of a hunter. “Honestly, I didn’t expect to live as long as I did… especially without you.” He told you. A soft smile fell on your face, and Dean knew he’d tell you the truth eventually, but only after catching up. “Anyway, enough about me. What have you been up to while I’ve been busy? You better not have been sulking.” He teased you.

“Of course not! I went looking around- I found some old friends of yours dad! Back from when I was really little and before I was born- there’s two people who heard my last name and lost their crap- they’ve been keeping an eye on me while I’ve been here waiting for you, they’re called Ellen and Jo- OH! And Charlie is here as well! They’re gonna be so happy to see you! They’re not far from here, Ellen is running a Heaven Bar, it’s become a sort of hot spot for dead hunters, come on!” You took his hand and dragged him along. Damn, it’s been quite a while since he’d heard those names, and he knew he was about to see them all again after saying goodbye too soon.

Sam will be alright without him. He knew it. Now he was making up for long time with his little girl and reuniting with old friends. Maybe death wasn’t so bad.

Hope you like it! If you have any questions, please send them in!

*Not my gif

TAGS: @meadow-melody @multifandomfix @courtneychicken @graysonmalfoy @bellero @originalpottervengerlock @supernatural-pan @esoltis280 @lady-of-lies @lenaswritingandstuff @macbetheliza @mandywholock1980 @cdwmtjb8 @caswinchester2000 @determinedpines @huntheimpossible @automaticbakeryfreakshoe

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marie-swriting · 11 months

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He'll Be Here - Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw [1/2]

Masterlist

Part two

Part one - two (French version)

Summary : It's your birthday party and you're waiting for Bradley, hoping his fight with Pete, your father, won't damage your relationship as well.

Warnings : Maverick!daughter!reader, reader is 23 and Bradley is 25, angst, mention of Goose and Carol's death, sad ending, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 2.8k

Song inspiration : The Moment I Knew (Taylor's Version) by Taylor Swift

Your eyes are set on the table filled with candies as you count carefully how many chairs are around it. After counting three times, you come to the conclusion there’s one missing. You go find Pete, your father, in the kitchen where he’s putting small cakes on a plate.

“Dad, you only put fourteen chairs, we’re fifteen.”

“Oh, I thought, maybe, Bradley-”

“He’ll come.” you cut him off a bit harshly. “He told me he’ll be here.” you rephrase with a softer tone.

“Sorry, sweetheart. I should have asked you to confirm it again.”

“It’s okay.” you assure him with a smile, “I’m gonna take my desk chair.”

Pete nods before going back to what he was doing while you’re leaving the room. You go take your chair and you can’t stop thinking back to Bradley and your relationship. His mother’s death a few months ago broke him down and your relationship has gone a bit downhill but since your father pulled his paper, it’s even worse. Now, there is a lot of tension between the two of them, sometimes creating some arguments between you and him. However, despite your last argument three days ago, he assured you he’ll be at your birthday party. He even confirmed it again the day before.

“He’ll be here. He promised.” you can’t stop telling yourself like a mantra.

With your father, you finish setting everything up in the living room when the first guests arrive. Before opening your door, you put your dress right back and check if your red lipstick is applied correctly in the mirror next to the door. You paid attention to every single little detail of your appearance, wanting to impress Bradley. If during that night, you both can let your fight behind and if Bradley can spend a whole night with your father without an altercation then maybe it can still work. You want it to work still. You can’t lose Bradley too.

Upon opening the door, you don’t find Bradley but your high school friends, Sarah and Luke, you hadn’t seen for several months. You catch up on each other’s life whilst a part of your mind is distracted by Bradley. You have a knot in your stomach, in spite of yourself, nonetheless you try not to think too much about it. Your first guests have just arrived and it’s not even 2:30 P.M yet. It’s normal he’s not the first one to show. You have no reason to stress.

As the time goes by, other friends from school and University as well show up. You keep a smile on your face and chat with them but you can’t help and look toward the front door. Everytime someone knocks, you run to open and try not to show your disappointment when you see friends and not Bradley. Yet, it becomes harder when Bradley’s friends arrive without him. You do everything to put your mind at ease by telling yourself he might come later. He’s twenty minutes late, it’s true, however so is your friend Anne. There’s no reason to worry. Not yet.

When he is officially thirty minutes late, you take your phone, hoping you missed a text but nothing. You open your conversation with Bradley and write a message.

Text from you to Bradley, 3:11 P.M. :

Hey, is there traffic on the road ? Do you know when you’ll be here ? ❤️

You keep your cell in your hand - your dress doesn’t have pockets - and you join the conversation between your dad and Sarah. You don’t talk a lot, too focused on checking the door and your messages. Pete sees on your face you’re preoccupied. He doesn’t need to think too much to know Bradley is the reason. He knows he did the good thing by pulling Bradley’s paper, like Carol wanted to, but he can’t help and feels bad when he started to notice his action has consequences on your relationship with Bradley. The last thing he wants is to see you lose the bond you two share, especially if he’s the reason behind it. When Sarah goes to find Hannah to do Karaoke, your father gets closer to you.

“He’ll come, don’t worry about it.” he whispers in your ear, “It’s supposed to be fun, turning twenty-three so enjoy your party with your friends.”

You quickly nod to your dad and do what he told you. You’re finally having a good time by singing some songs from your teenagehood with your friends, even if you keep looking at your phone which still doesn’t have a new notification.

While you’re in the middle of a third song, someone knocks on the front door. Your head snaps in an instant toward the sound. Your dad doesn’t have the time to react that you’ve already opened the door. The big smile that was on your face a second ago vanishes when you see Anne. She takes you in her arms rapidly.

“Happy birthday !” Anne exclaims, breaking the embrace, “I’m sorry, I’m so freaking late, but someone’s car broke down in the middle of the road and I’ve been having some struggle with my phone recently.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m glad you could make it.”

“I’m probably the last one.”

“No, Bradley isn’t here yet.” you inform with a small wince, “He’s probably stuck on the road as well.”

You take her gift and put it next to the other ones whilst she joins the guests. Your eyes get filled with tears, ready to fall, yet you hold them back. You take your phone and the lack of new messages is starting to really frustrate you. You even think something is wrong with your cell. You turn it off and on, hoping it’ll change something. It didn’t. You open your conversation with Bradley again and tap something, trying not to shed a tear.

Text from you to Bradley, 4:57 P.M. :

So, you’re officially the last one haha. You’re gonna be late a lot ? I’m waiting for you impatiently ❤️

Your friend Luke grabs you by the arm and brings you back to the others who are laughing. You try your best to laugh with them but your gloominess prevents you from it. While some of your friends are having fun, others are asking you when or if Bradley is coming. You do your best acting performance and answer them, smiling, that he’s on his way. When they go back to what they were doing, you watch the front door again and then your phone, both of them without a trace of Bradley.

Your party officially started three hours ago, you’re about to eat your birthday cake. All your guests are looking forward to eating it whereas you only want to send them back home and be alone, under your covers. You keep your fake smile and go at the end of the table and your dad is going to take the cake with your candles. Sarah turns off the light and your closed ones are singing Happy Birthday To You. Awkwardly, your eyes go from one friend to the other until they fall on the empty chair at the opposite side of you. At that moment, you feel like it’s slow motion when you watch the door again, hoping Bradley would burst through the door with a big smile on his face and apologise for being late. Unfortunately, only your candles in the shape of a two and a three appear in front of you. The voices finishing singing seem far away from you whilst your father kisses your temple and invites you to blow your candles. Once they’re extinguished, your friends and your father applaud you and you take the knife for the cake. At the same time you’re eating, your guests offer you your gifts. You open them and thank the person, however between each present, your eyes find their way on the door then the empty chair. You have one last gift left to open. According to Sarah, it’s a present from all of your friends. You open the letter and read “coupon for a week-end for two persons at New-York.”

“We thought it could be a cool thing to do for you and Bradley.” Hannah informs you.

“Or someone else !” Sarah adds quickly. “The booking hasn’t been done yet so you can decide who you want to take with you.”

“Thank you very much. All of your gifts are perfect.” you state, pinching your red lips together as a way to smile.

Luke starts a conversation and the voices start mixing. You take your phone next to your cake and check your messages with Bradley. This time, you decide to not send a text. You know it’s too late. Bradley’s absence is starting to stand out more and more to the point where your friends notice your uneasiness. Sarah’s little specification made you realise that. Even if she doesn’t know everything, you told her about your relationship problems. Everytime you told her about it, she tried to soothe you by saying over and over again that your bond is strong and it’s just a difficult time. However, with her comment, you think she’s now changed her mind because what you’re going through is clearly more serious.

When you finish eating, some of your friends go to do something you don’t care about whereas the others chat together and your dad grabs the plate and brings them back to the kitchen. As for you, you stay on your chair, staring blankly at the door. Your eyes get more and more teary and you know, this time, you won’t be able to hold them back. You stand up and start leaving the room. You’re about to reach the bathroom’s door when Josh and Julia, Bradley’s close friends - they always seem to know when there’s something going wrong between you and Bradley - catch you before you can lock yourself in.

“Is everything okay ?” Julia asks you with a worried look.

“He said he’d be here.” you say, hopelessly. “He’s not answering my texts and we all know he’s not late.”

“There must be an explanation.”

“Why hasn’t he told me then ? He promised.”

“It’s going to be okay.” Josh reassures you, stroking your arm. “Come on, it’s your party, you should be having fun.”

“I’m just gonna go to the bathroom before.”

Julia and Josh go back to the living room and you lock yourself in the bathroom. You put your hands on both sides of the sink, your head down while the first tears are streaming down your face. Remembering you have mascara on, you raise your head toward the ceiling and try to breath slowly. Yet, your cries are only getting stronger. You end up setting your eyes on your reflection in the mirror in front of you and you think you’re pathetic. You watch the contrast between your party dress and your red lipstick that were to impress Bradley and your tears mixed with your mascara that are to deplore him.

Bradley’s silence hurts you more than his absence. He’s been your best friend since your birth, your boyfriend since you’re fifteen and him seventeen and he’s ignoring you on purpose. At that moment your heart breaks into a billion little pieces in your chest, knowing what that absence and silence mean for both of you. You wish things were different, but you’ve been feeling like things were changing between you for quite some time, your party only confirmed your doubts. You try your best to hold back your sobs facing this realisation, though you let go of a sound. You mentally hope no one has heard you. You force yourself to calm your cries, knowing you can’t stay any longer, not wanting to worry your father and your guests.

When you’re finally calming down, you take a tissue and dry your tears. You fix your make up, take a deep breath and leave the bathroom. Before going to the others, you prepare your smile and enter the room. As soon as he sees you, your dad knows you’re sad. He doesn’t need to take a better look at you to see the pain you’re hiding being this artificial smile.

For the remaining time of your party, you become the shadow of your former self. You feel like you’re too much, you’re ridiculous. Your friends are having fun whilst you can’t stop but adjust your dress which seems to burn every centimetre of your skin. You’re numb, unable to force a laugh at your friends' shenanigans. You’re just waiting for them to leave. Your father is looking at you from afar and he can’t help but feel his heart tightens in his chest. Indirectly, he’s the reason for your pain and he hates it. He hates himself for it.

When your guests finally leave, you close the door hurriedly. You sigh in relief before joining your dad who has already started to put things away. You grab some glasses and plates and bring them to the kitchen, lost in your thoughts.

“I’m gonna do it, don’t worry. You can go to bed.” he informs you with a compassionate smile.

“I can help.”

“It won’t take long, I’ve got this.”

You don’t have the strength to argue so you nod silently and walk to your bedroom, dragging your feet. After taking your stuff, you go to the bathroom. There, you take your makeup off, brush your teeth, put your pyjamas on without thinking. You should feel lighter, not having on you what weighed so much on you, except that the problem wasn’t your dress or your makeup, on the contrary, it’s the pain in your chest. Worse, getting rid of these artifice makes you ache even more because there’s no chance of going back to the start of the day.

When you go back to your room, you settle down on your bed. You only have time to take a pillow in your arms when your phone rings. You throw yourself on it and discover Bradley’s name. You wait a second before picking it up. You don’t say a word, too scared to break down.

“Hey, I’m sorry I couldn’t make it. I’ll make it up to you.” Bradley apologises with a soft voice.

Hearing his voice creates a knot in your throat and your eyes start to sting. You take a deep breath before talking.

“I’m sorry too.”

“What do you mean ? I promise I have a good explanation.” he assures you, but you know he’s lying.

“Really and what is it ?” you let your anger win over. “I waited for you all night, Bradley. You’re the only one who didn’t show up. You should have been there.”

“You need to understand with your dad that-”

“‘That’ What ?” you cut him off, “You told me you’d make an effort for tonight.”

“I know…”, he starts, sighing, “but I can’t help and feel mad when I think back to what he did.”

“So you’re ruining our relationship ? Since it happened, everything has changed between us. You’re coming less and less to my place, you cancel dates at the last minute, we talk less and if we do talk, we argue. You know very well I have nothing to do with what he did so why do you act like it is ?” you question with a trembling voice.

“I… I don’t know.”

“I can’t handle this anymore, Bradley. Tonight was the last straw.”

“You’re not gonna break up with me just because I didn’t come tonight ? I told you I’ll make it up to you.” Bradley retorts, panicked.

“It’s not just the birthday. It’s been two months since things have been going south between us. You're always messing up and yet everytime I forgive you just for us to argue again. It's too late, there's nothing we can't do anymore.”

“Y/N, please. I can’t lose you too.” he begs with a small voice, making you tear up again.

“I can’t either. You mean the most to me, but it’s not working anymore. We have to face the truth. Goodbye, Bradley.”

You don’t give him a chance to answer and hang up. Your eyes on your phone, you start crying again. If you thought your heart was already broken, you have now the impression someone is ripping the pieces from your chest. You try to wipe your tears away when your dad opens the door. You turn your head in his direction and hold back a sob. Pete sees your trembling lips and he doesn’t need to know you were on the phone to understand what just happened. He takes big steps and takes you in his arms. You hang to him as if he was your safety net while you burst into tears.

“Why did you have to do that ? We already lost Uncle Goose and Aunt Carol and now, we lost him too.” you reproach him with a broken voice.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”

You don’t have the courage to blame your dad a bit longer so you keep shedding all the tears of your body in the comfort of his arms whilst he’s holding his cries back, trying to soothe you.

Part two

Masterlist

{This is my side blog so I'll be answering comments under the username @marie-sworld}

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randomfoggytiger · 4 months

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"Think He'll Call You Tonight"

Part III of the Bill Scully POV mini-series (Part I and Part II~.) Continuing the dedication to @baronessblixen!

*****

Charlie was the one that convinced their father.

“But Dad, Dana wanted a gun, too, and she’s really good at being careful, and she does everything else with us, and we have the money to get one, and it’s a really nice one, and Bill and I’ll keep an eye on her and teach her and make sure she doesn’t shoot anything that you told us not to--”

And whether or not it was his arguments or his enthusiasm that won the day, Dana was surprised with a bb gun a couple months shy of her birthday, both boys brimming with pride over their recently emptied pockets.

Charlie saw the snake first; but Bill boldly grabbed it, tossed it into a shorter patch of grass, and took the first shot. The air rang with pings and tiny thuds as the snake absorbed pellet after pellet, writhing in pain and shock; until, finally, it stopped wiggling and lay limp, slowly waiting for death to claim it. It was Dana who walked towards it-- Bill assumed to shoot it further-- and startled her brothers by cradling and weeping over its dead body in her tiny hands.

The attack of conscience was swift. Dana, who was more prone to outraged anger than tears, broke down; and Charlie, who was more likely to cry than holler, yelled at Bill and ran off into the woods.

Their mother was no less furious than their father even though Dana fessed up honorably and didn’t let her brothers take all the blame. Both of them apologized, took their punishment, and were forbidden to shoot until they were more responsible.

Charlie didn’t reappear for hours. After dark everyone was worried; and the house and woods were canvassed until late in the night. It was Melissa’s idea to double back and check his room, and Dana's to check under his bed. She caught sight of his leg, dove under the spread, and grabbed him to her, apologizing over and over.

Bill noticed his brother never quite shook the quake in his hands before a shot.

*****

Bill was out of the house before his brother reached the rebellious teen years. He was annoyed, nonetheless, when home would ring him or he’d ring home and Melissa would insist on telling Charlie’s latest scrape amidst laughter that cracked a sentence in three different places. Dana would take over and summarize her sister’s spotty narrative; and Maggie would hear the commotion from the hallway and insist on excusing some of his behavior.

Excusing. Bill heard that a lot.

Melissa never let anyone off the hook, including him. “Charlie and Dana have a boatload of stories on you, Billy, so I wouldn’t test either of their patience. He’ll be home any minute if you want to hear a few.”

“I’m good, thanks.” And the conversation turned to a new thought experiment in Melissa’s collegiate classes or Dana’s impending graduation and solidifying plans for medical school.

*****

Tara and he had just gone steady when Bill got Melissa’s letter. Grateful that she’d canceled their night out immediately, he’d hugged his sweet girl goodbye and booked it to the nearest payphone.

“Mom, he just met her-- and now he’s going to throw away his future and marry the girl? What kind of sense does that make?”

“Bill--”

“I know you’re scared Mom, and Dad’s furious. What with Melissa dropping out, and now Charles--”

“William Scully, will you calm down--”

“Is that Bill?” That was Charles. “I want to talk to him, Mom.”

“Charlie, don’t make this a bigger deal than it needs to be.”

“He’s already poking his nose in, isn’t he? Huh? Making rude assumptions about Hessa and me behind our backs-- well, let him say it to my face!”

Bill hung up, unwilling to let the situation spiral out of control.

His father called a couple days later-- fresh off the boat and abreast of the particulars. “I’m disappointed, Bill-- you escalated this situation unnecessarily; and you worsened your mother's troubles while I wasn't home to steer the ship. Now, I want you to fly over when you can spare the time so we can put this behind us.”

The meeting took place in his parent's new home in Maryland, paint and pine sol and candles warring against each other for supremacy.

Charlie refused to try even one year of college, determined to bind himself to Hessa and break into the stock market with her godfather’s tutelage. “I figure facts and figures are my specialty, and where better to put them to use?”

Dana had immediately lapped him by throwing a few of her own facts and figures about the business that he hadn’t contemplated; and Charlie, offended, had tried to deflect the uncomfortable moment by focusing how much she knew about family planning and retirement. Melissa then piped up and shoved the focus firmly back to him.

Bill flew back to Maryland six months later, best man at his brother’s elaborate wedding, staring at the pew where his father, stone faced, mother, apprehensive, and sisters, irritated, sat. Melissa and Dana unthawed for the bride, giving her a congratulatory hug-- which she lightly returned-- and Maggie welcomed her as the newest Scully; but Captain Scully only nodded, and Bill only smiled.

*****

Bill and Tara were married, Melissa was somewhere around the world, Dana had dropped from medical school to the FBI, and Charlie and his two kids were living off of his wife’s investment properties when the Scully patriarch suddenly and unexpectedly died.

Charlie hadn’t said as much, but Bill knew there was still residual resentment from his father’s decision to withhold most of his son's college fund. Given the state of their relationship, it shocked him when his brother took the cremation in stride, seemingly the only person other than Melissa to understand the captain's decision.

“It makes strange sense, though I’ll bet Missy put it in his head.”

Tara, who had been quiet since the burial plans were announced, said, “I think it was me-- we were talking about Melissa’s book on Celtic traditions and practices a year or so ago; and I mentioned that I could have seen him being cremated if he were born a couple hundred years ago. I guess….”

They were silent, warring between irrational anger at Tara and reason. Bill hugged her to him; and watched Charlie’s stare drift from his sister-in-law to his father’s urn, thoughtfully distant.

*****

It was Charlie who called two years later.

“Bill, she’s… she’s dead. Died, uh, thirteen hours ago. And… and, uh, Mom says she understands you won’t make it for the funeral… and.... She didn’t call me, Bill, either, because she thought Melissa’d pull through. And Dana’s back-- Dana was off the grid for a bit. We think the guy that got Melissa was after… anyway, one of us’ll call back with details when we can. …I’m sorry, Bill.”

*****

A switch had happened after Melissa’s death: while Bill was at sea, Dana and Charlie spent more time at home. Charlie-- Tara reported-- became a regular, doubly so a regular philanthropist. He helped Maggie patch up various expenses, recommended his wife’s hairdresser to Dana and covered the difference a few times, and funded Tara’s recuperative trips to and from Maryland and California between grueling pregnancy tests and trials.

“Are you doing okay, Mom?” Bill asked, spending yet another Saint Paddy’s Day on yet another floating hunk of metal.

“Hmm. Melissa was going to throw a party this St. Patrick's-- she started doing that after Dana recovered from her coma last year, you know. I miss her, and your father." She sighed, a long, sad sound. "Are you okay being alone for the holiday?”

“Yeah. Some friends are throwing a celebration later. One of them even looks likes Charles, strangely. I’ll see you as soon as I can.”

“I know, Bill. I’ll give the others your love.”

“Okay, Mom. Bye.”

*****

Dana’s cancer blindsided all of them.

Maggie let out the secret in tears a few weeks after Dana began and ended her treatment, angry and lost and afraid. “She won’t try chemotherapy anymore because she wants to work-- Dana pretends it doesn’t exist and refuses to talk about it. I don’t understand her, Bill. And I don’t know how to tell Charlie because he feels they’ve gotten so close over the last few months. This will hurt him; and I don’t want to hurt my baby.”

Bill, so furious he was calm, told her to fly out to Tara. “I know she’ll enjoy having you around, Mom. And maybe Dana will decide to share it with us on her own.”

Dana did not tell anyone else, choosing instead to pretend like nothing was wrong: congratulating Bill and Tara on their impending parenthood, sloughing off Maggie's subtle references, and running around at work while her health weakened and worsened.

On Bill’s way to the Scully family get-together, his mom called again: Charlie had finally been told; and-- at the mention of late-stage cancer-- hadn’t taken it well, venting choice words about being the last to be considered and left.

Despite the desperation of the next few days, he'd stayed withdrawn and unreachable.

*****

“Charlie? It’s Bill-- Dana’s in remission. She wanted me to give you a call in case you wanted to drop by. We’re calling it a miracle, Charlie. A new beginning, Dana said. If you want.”

For once, Bill was happy her paranoid partner was there to keep his sister company-- anything to distract her from picking up the phone, dialing, and getting bad news on top of good.

*****

Thank you for reading~

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daegudrama · 11 months

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Title: Heather

Pairing: Soogyu/Yeonbin

Summary: Heather is the girl everyone wants except Soobin. He wishes he was Heather because he loves Yeonjun, or does he? Performing a song spilling all your feelings is bold, but will it work in his favor? What of Soobin’s best friend, Beomgyu, suppressing his feelings to allow Soobin to work out his own feelings?

Word Count: 26,160 Words

Soobin

The choir room is cold and the lack of attention towards me isn’t helping. I’m sitting in the back row of my section patiently waiting for Mr. Bang to start class. Someone is playing the piano on the left side of the room. Everyone is scattered dishing out the latest gossip. I find myself staring at the back of his head.

He recently dyed his hair red, but I heard him say he wants it black before the winter concert. He thinks it’ll look better with the matching costumes his duet partner picked out. It seems so superficial and something he wouldn’t have said on his own.

His hair looks lovely in its burgundy shade and I wish he didn’t care what other people thought. He’s too good for the people in this town. He’ll amount to more than anyone else in this room.

Every year two seniors get to choose the closing number for the winter concert. It’s a big production with props, colored lights and sometimes back up dancers. Yeonjun and Heather haven’t announced what song they’ve chosen. It will probably be a cliched duet knowing Heather.

There’s nothing wrong with her. Actually, the complete opposite for most people. To a normal high school boy she’s the whole package. I don’t understand the adoration she gathers. Maybe it’s because I’m gay.

Not that I’ve told anyone that. In this high school that’d make me dead meat. I get bullied enough without people knowing I like boys. Our administration does nothing despite countless reports from me and many others. I wouldn’t feel safe expressing my true self here.

Mr. Bang decides to start class and Yeonjun sits in the seat directly in front of me. His cologne wafts back at me as he flops down. It’s the one his ex girlfriend bought him for his birthday last year. They broke up right before Valentine’s Day just shy of 11 months together.

Yeonjun and I are casual friends. We hang out after school occasionally and he invites me to parties I never go to. His ex asked me what scent he’d like and I told her my favorite. Yeonjun must love it if he keeps using it.

Being a ‘quiet kid’ has perks. I learn so much gossip that I would never have learned otherwise. I pick up on people’s crushes and sometimes help push them in the right direction. Some students don’t like that which has resulted in a few drinks spilled on me and more than a few punches. My only hobbies being dancing and singing doesn’t really help either.

Our warm ups remind me how pretentious most of the sopranos are. We aren’t auditioning girls. The first song we sing is a piece we learned last year. Some of the new students are still struggling despite being months into the school year already.

Yeonjun moves to the baritone section for this piece. He has a certain quality to his voice where he can fit whatever song we are performing. He prefers singing tenor but will occasionally join the others if he’s needed. Yeonjun is a great example for those who struggle to learn parts.

His voice stands out to me only because I’ve heard it’s beautiful tone so many times. It’s obvious he’s practiced hard all summer. Yeonjun must be preparing for college auditions soon.

I get comfortable in my seat after the first song knowing Mr. Bang is about to go on twenty tangents. It’s almost December which is when things get hectic. Around this time of year we like to give back to our community. We do that by singing at retirement homes, the tree lighting ceremony and caroling at the light show.

Our choir does this as smaller groups to cover more ground and so venues don’t have to accommodate 50 of us. Mr. Bang pairs a few upperclassmen with some lowerclassmen. The juniors and seniors show the younger ones how we do things. It’s a bonding experience that helps us prepare for competitions later in the year.

“Soobin?” Beomgyu says from beside me waving a stack of papers in front of my face.

“Oh...sorry.” I say taking the stack of paper from his hands and taking one before passing it down the row.

I scan the paper looking for my small group assignment. There are ten people in each group. A smaller group means it’s easier to pick out mistakes. Without a good leader the lowerclassmen won’t learn anything constructive.

Yeonjun and Heather are in my group. Of course, I got paired with the next it couple of this school. I’ve seen the way Yeonjun looks at her. Mr. Bang must want his closing duo to get even closer.

“Soobin.” I hear Yeonjun murmur from a few seats away.

I don’t think I was meant to hear that but he’s smiling. My heart thumps and I desperately wish my body wouldn’t react like this. He’ll never like me.

My eyes scan the room trying to listen to Mr. Bang but ultimately failing. Heather is looking towards the baritones. I wonder if her affectionate gaze is focused on the same man who made my heart thump.

“...Soobin and Beomgyu.” I tune in when I hear my name. “I would like each of you to see me after school for an audition in the auditorium. The winners will sing solos at the winter concert. If the dates listed don’t work for you please come speak to me privately and we’ll make arrangements.”

I don’t have extra curricular activities other than choir so I know my schedule is open. I scan the paper again and see I have until Friday to prepare. This is the most important thing to me right now. I have to make a good decision.

Mr. Bang asks us to get our Christmas caroling books out and that’s all we sing for the rest of class. I’m thankful for lunch to come after hearing Carols of the Bells one too many times. A few of us are still having pitch issues.

Yeonjun catches up with me in the cafeteria line and smiles widely at me. I wonder why he’s so happy? Could I have something to do with it? I highly doubt it, but a boy can dream.

Yeonjun is wearing simple jeans and a big shirt. He is wearing five earrings today. Two small hoops on each of his lobes and a small black stud in his cartilage. Some of our classmates used to make fun of him for his piercings and style. That was really rich coming from boys who think basketball shorts and jordans are the epitome of fashion.

“I’m happy you’re in my group. Six girls and four boys is a good mix. Especially with you, me and Heather.” He looks into the distance when he says her name.

“We got lucky.” I reply, filling my plate with the questionable school food.

There is a lot I want to say but I know jealousy is clouding my mind. Of course, the group will sound great but my mental health may suffer. Watching Yeonjun get closer to Heather through Hallmark worthy moments is bound to put anyone crushing on either of them on edge. I just have to add the fact that no one even knows I’m gay. It’s not like I can just confess to someone and get advice. No one would have good advice anyways. They’d tell me to move on, like I haven’t tried that already.

He doesn’t say anything for a moment, piling fruit onto his plate. Then he perks up and looks into my eyes. Yeonjun’s bright eyes crinkle as he smiles.

“Are you excited to audition? It’s rare that he picks two juniors.” I pay for my food as he continues to speak to me excitedly. “I can help you rehearse.”

Yeonjun loves helping people especially when it comes to music. He has a drive and motivation that isn’t easily duplicated. His ideas and opinions are widely different from a lot of his peers. Over the years he has learned how to ignore people who don’t understand. I wish I could do the same.

“I’m nervous.” I admit walking towards an empty table. “I’m going to spend the night looking for songs.”

“I think most of the people he chose will sing upbeat audition songs. Maybe you should look for a ballad.”

Yeonjun sits across from me at the otherwise empty table. It’s so odd that he wants to eat lunch with me. Sure, we hang out occasionally but he never sits with me at lunch. He continues the conversation suggesting a few songs he thinks would suit my voice. A few members of our choir join our table. One of the seniors is jealous I was picked to audition over them. They think they are a better performer than me. It’s not true but whatever makes them happy.

After dragging myself through the rest of the day I walk to my car. Someone taps on my window making me jump. I turn to see Yeonjun laughing and my heart flutters. I roll the window down and smile at him. His smile reaches the corner of his eyes.

“I know you never want to come but there is a bonfire on Saturday. It’s mostly going to be music and theatre kids.” He looks away for a second as Heather passes by. “I think you’d have fun. I’d like to see you there.”

He reaches into my car and pats my shoulder. I’m about to respond when his friend calls his name. He checks to see who it is then quickly turns back to me.

“Think about it, Binnie. Text me if you need help choosing a song.”

Yeonjun runs off without another word and I’m feeling overwhelmed. He said he’d like to see me at the party and called me Binnie. I let out a loud squeal once I rolled the window up. Why can’t I control my feelings? This is getting pathetic.

I turn my music way too loud on my way home. Fools by Troye Sivan is blasting through the speakers when I pull into the driveway. I take a deep breath before shutting off my car and making my way inside.

My parents aren’t home yet giving me plenty of time to make a snack and start my song hunt. I like to choose five songs and record myself singing each one and narrow it down from there.

Of course, I listen to the ones Yeonjun suggested first. An hour later I’ve decided my top five songs. I accepted a long time ago that it’s quite over the top to do this but it’s what works best for me. Three of the five are songs Yeonjun suggested. He does know what fits my voice.

Interestingly, he only recommended songs by queer artists. I try not to think too deeply about that. Over analyzing this will only hurt me. As far as I know he’s straight and it’s not my place to push labels or ideas on him.

Two more hours later I have the videos recorded. One of them I really don’t like and immediately trash. I’ve nearly gone insane from watching the videos on loop when my mother calls me to dinner.

She asks about my day and I tell her about my audition. My mother is much more supportive of my music than my father. He thinks it’s a waste of time and that I’ll never be more than someone who sings at dive bars. My father rarely comes to my concerts so he hasn’t seen my true potential.

“I’m so proud of you! Have you decided on a song yet?”

I put a spoonful of rice in my mouth looking across the table. After chewing and swallowing I answer her.

“Not yet. I think I’m almost there.”

My mother starts suggesting songs she knows I won’t use. Afterwards she starts telling me a story about something that happened to her at work. By the end of the meal I’ve decided which song I’m going to audition with.

Velvet Goldmine by Matt Alber, the second song Yeonjun suggested, is my final decision. This song is different from what my peers usually perform for auditions. Hopefully, it will help me stand out and secure the solo.

I start my homework but keep getting distracted thinking of my audition. This one feels special and it is. Like Yeonjun said, it's not often Juniors get chosen for the winter concert solos. Mr. Bang must really see potential in us.

To help me focus I put on a playlist of piano music. That helps me finish my dreaded math homework just before 10. I shower and prepare my clothes for tomorrow before settling in to browse social media.

Beomgyu texts me around 11 asking if I‘ve already picked my audition song. He knows I like to have as long as possible to prepare. Before I can answer he asks what song. You think after three years of choir together, and years of friendship, he’d know that I don’t tell anyone.

I tell him that and he replies to say I’d tell Yeonjun. He’s not wrong but what worries me is why he thinks that. Is my crush too obvious? I do stare at him quite a lot. Beomgyu must have his suspicions by now he’s caught me in a few lies.

After putting my phone on the charger I roll over and hope for peaceful sleep. Yeonjun often joins my dreams these days, but it’s never what I want. The most intimate thing that’s happened is a cheek kiss. Even my unconscious brain knows I don’t have a chance.

Several people ask me what song I’ve chosen over the next few days leading up to the audition. Particularly, the jealous seniors. I don’t tell anyone not wanting someone to steal my performance.

“I’m excited to see what song you picked!” Yeonjun says following me to the auditorium on Friday.

He hasn’t asked what song I’m singing. He said he wants to be surprised. I’ve only been practicing at home or in the soundproof practice booth. No one knows what I’m performing besides the accompanist.

Nearly the entire choir has come to watch auditions and it hardly makes me more nervous. Yeonjun sits in the row behind the people auditioning between Heather and Kai Huening, the freshman he’s taken under his wing.

Yesterday Mr. Bang gave us the order we will be auditioning in. I’m last meaning I have to sit through nine performances before it’s my time. Mr. Bang thanks the choir for coming to support those of us auditioning then calls the first person onto the stage. This choir has a lot of remarkable talent.

Each note is making my anxiety grow larger. Beomgyu sang a beautiful ballad while everyone else sang up-tempo songs. Yeonjun was mostly right. Before my name is called Heather touches my shoulder and smiles at me.

“You got this Soobin.” she says softly.

How can I hate her? She’s such an angel.

“Thank you.” I say, waiting for Mr. Bang to call me.

“Next Soobin Choi.” He speaks into the microphone and my heart starts racing.

A few members send me thumbs up and I take a deep breath. You can do this Soobin. You’ve been practicing so hard. Let’s get the solo.

“Hello I’m Soobin Choi and I’ll be singing Velvet Goldmine by Matt Alber.”

I can see Yeonjun perk up in the crowd as the first notes are played. This song shows my lower register and I’m excited to show it off.

This isn’t a particularly hard piece but it’s not like the pop songs most of my classmates sang. Not that pop is bad. I love it, but standing out is a must here.

Mr. Bang seems surprised when I begin singing. Truly this isn’t a safe piece but it will keep him thinking about me. Everything goes exactly as I want it too. When the last note leaves my mouth my classmates are cheering for me.

“Thank you, Soobin. The results will be emailed to those who auditioned tomorrow by ten in the morning.” Mr. Bang says as I walk off stage. “The two names listed in green will have the opportunity to pick a solo for the winter concert. Have a good weekend.”

Kai follows Yeonjun, Heather and I out of the auditorium raving about my performance. It feels nice to be appreciated but I’m still a little shy receiving so much praise.

“Soobin will definitely be chosen but the other spot is between Changbin and Sana.” Yeonjun says and I hide my face in my hands.

“What about Beomgyu?” Heather asks, pulling her hair into a ponytail.

“Oh yeah he was so good! Mr. Bang has a hard decision ahead of him.” Yeonjun looks towards the parking lot as he speaks.

Heather leaves our group to get her gear out of her car. She has basketball practice and is already late because she watched auditions. I heard her say it’s worth the lines she’ll have to run.

We stand near my car for a moment before Heather rushes back to us to say goodbye. She runs into the building practically bouncing and a smile comes onto my face. Maybe I can understand why so many people like her.

“Do you want to get boba?” Yeonjun asks, looking between Kai and I. “Bonding before caroling starts.”

“Sounds like a good time. I’ll meet you there.” I say as Yeonjun nods his head.

Yeonjun and Kai walk away while I unlock my car. I turn on my happy playlist as I drive. Yeonjun keeps surprising me and I’m happy about it. I love spending time with him even if someone else is there too.

Spending time together outside of regular practice time can do so much for us. You learn a lot about how people handle situations and how their voices change. Most of the times when music kids hang out they end up having a jam session. Those situations can show skills you would never see otherwise. Mr. Bang tries to give us creative freedom, but with high schoolers that’s not always possible.

I drop my school bag off at home and spray myself with my favorite cologne before leaving for the boba shop. It takes two minutes to drive there from my house. Yeonjun and Kai are sitting inside when I arrive. Kai seems to be telling an overdramatic story with lots of hand gestures. Before I join them I order a strawberry milk tea.

“Soobin!” Kai says excitedly when he sees me. “Your performance was so good. I can’t wait to see what you choose for a solo.”

I blush sitting beside Kai across the table from Yeonjun.

“You are getting ahead of yourself.” I say and both of the boys shake their heads.

Of course, I think I have a good shot but I think bragging is bad karma. All I can do is hope and search for the best song that will make Yeonjun realize the one he needs is right in front of him. I hope no one can read minds. I’m getting a little pathetic.

We hang out for about an hour before Kai’s dad calls asking him to come home. It was a good time and remarkably less awkward than I thought it would be. Yeonjun is good at making people feel at ease and like they’ve been friends with him for years.

Each of us has homework we should complete. I’ll probably practice choir pieces instead of doing the many math assignments I have.

“Are you coming to the bonfire?” Yeonjun asks as we walk towards our cars.

“I think so.”

I don’t want to seem too eager because that’s not cool. Truthfully, I’ve spent a fair amount of my free time convincing my mom to let me go. She’s made me all but sign a contract saying I won’t drink or do drugs. I didn’t plan on it but damn it’s like she doesn’t want me to be a normal teenager at all. But who knows what I might do.

Yeonjun seems happy that my answer isn’t no. After a brief goodbye he gets into his car and I watch him drive away before getting into my car.

Once I’m home I spend time looking for the perfect outfit instead of doing the homework waiting for me in my bookbag. I’m torn between two outfits that Yeonjun has complimented before. After remembering it will be cold outside tomorrow night even by the fire I toss one outfit aside.

I send a picture of the outfit to Beomgyu to ask his opinion. He sends a meme with the word simp all over it. Why I bothered? I don’t know. He is only helpful when he wants to be. I convinced him to come with me to the bonfire. So, if Yeonjun decides he doesn’t want to talk to me, at least I’ll have someone. Not that Beomgyu should be a second choice. He’s a great guy but he’s no Yeonjun.

Texting Beomgyu wasn’t the smartest idea. He’s coming over later. I could’ve just asked him then. At least he won’t call me a simp to my face. Beomgyu isn’t that bold with me. The sad thing is he isn’t wrong. I would probably walk through fire for Yeonjun, but it’s unlikely he’d even jump a puddle for me.

I try to push the pessimistic thoughts from my mind as I sit down to do my homework. Beomgyu will be here soon and my mother will surely be mad if my school work isn’t done first. Especially since we plan to spend the evening watching pirated broadway shows.

My father thinks broadway will make me gay. I don’t think it is a defining factor in my sexuality. He’s not necessiarly homophobic just uneducated and insenstive. I try to understand but it’s hard when I’m a whole flaming homosexual.

My mother lets Beomgyu without telling me and suddenly he’s standing in my room with a shy look on his face. He’s been over multiple times. I have no idea why he’s acting like this. He sits on the end of my bed after setting his bag down waiting for me to close my laptop. After saving my essay draft I turn towards him and smile.

I’ve always thought Beomgyu was handsome. He has doll-like features and soft clear skin. He’s a few inches shorter than me and has a small frame. His cheeks are red and I can’t imagine what he must be thinking about. He won’t tell me about his crushes because I won’t tell him mine. Obviously, he knows I like Yeonjun. I just won’t admit it.

“Are you done with your homework?” He asks leaning back into a position that looks more comfortable.

“No, but I can work on that one later.” I join him on the bed and he stiffens for a second before going back to normal. “What do you want to watch?”

We spend the next twenty minutes debating over what to watch before deciding on Legally Blonde. I’ve seen this far more times illegally than Beomgyu but he’s seen it live. We scoot to the top of my bed and despite there being more room our thighs are touching. I don’t really mind. We are just comfortable with each other.

“If Yeonjun was really paying attention he’d like your outfit.” Beomgyu says softly as I try to find the link I usually use to watch this. “It looks cute on you. But thinking about him too much might get you hurt.”

“I know.” I say wishing with everything in me that it wasn’t true.

He doesn’t say another word but lets me cuddle against his shoulder. I don’t think this is normal bro stuff, but honestly fuck toxic masculinity. Two straight dudes could do this and it wouldn’t be gay. Beomgyu hasn’t said anything regarding his sexuality that is definitive. To be fair I’ve never explicitly told him I’m gay either.

We pull away from each other during the movie. Near the end I scooch my way back into his arms with my head resting on his chest. I wish he was Yeonjun. Would Yeonjun rub my back like this? Would I feel this comfortable?

I can hear his heart beating rapidly and it makes my mind jump to conclusions. Surely if he was uncomfortable he’d tell me? Why else would he react like that?

“Do you think I’ll be selected?” Beomgyu asks absentmindedly while playing with my hair. “I don’t think I’m as good as everyone else who auditioned.”

I shoot up to look into his eyes almost offended that he thinks that of himself. There is no way I will let my friend go another minute thinking he’s anything less than remarkable.

“Beomgyu shut up! You’re beautiful and incredibly talented. You wouldn’t have been chosen initially otherwise. Have a little more confidence, please.”

His cheeks flush and he tries to look away from me. I grab his arm before he can turn over and he stares at me with wide eyes. I’ve never seen him make that expression towards me. I’m scared that I might’ve crossed a line so I let go of him. I scoot away wondering why I feel nervous suddenly.

“Thank you, Soobin.” He sits up taking a deep breath. It looks like he is trying to fight off a smile. “I just really want this solo.”

“Heather said your name when they were listing the people they thought would get the solos.”

Beomgyu looks up to her as a performer and in general as a person. The only clear thing I ever get out of him is who he doesn’t like. Last year he told me he’s never had a crush on Heather. Though he said he understands the appeal.

“Really? Maybe I did better than I thought.”

I want to tell him her approval shouldn’t be his measure of success but I know he won’t listen to me. Instead I ask for something I know will make him feel better.

“Why don’t you sing for me? I want to hear it again.”

He knows I’ll meet any objections with more reasons why he should. Truly, I just want to hear the sweet melody of his voice again. Beomgyu tends to pick up tempo songs most of the time so hearing him sing a ballad is a treat. I hand him my water bottle knowing he’ll want to lubricate his vocal chords after watching a show for the last two and half hours. He takes a sip and hands the water bottle back to me.

Beomgyu stands and searches for the accompaniment on his phone. It takes him a minute but eventually he finds it. I’m mesmerized as soon as he starts singing. Without the added pressure of my own audition I can truly enjoy his. Beomgyu made this song perfectly suited to his voice. Mr. Bang would be crazy not to choose him even with the other competition. Beomgyu feels every word he is singing and at one point I’m not sure if he remembers who he is performing for.

At the end he lets out a nervous laugh like he hadn’t just laid his heart on the floor with those vocals. He doesn’t ask me to sing. Instead he sits next to me and stares off into space. A moment later he speaks.

“Where did you find your song? I’d never heard it before.”

“Yeonjun recommended it to me.” I smile when I say his name and Beomgyu isn’t looking at me.

Maybe Beomgyu is right. I am a simp. I know Yeonjun well enough to make a fair judgement but I do think highly of him. Of course, he can do wrong but I’d probably overlook it for him more than anyone else.

“You really like him, huh?” Beomgyu’s voice is soft and cautious like he knows he’s pushing it with this question.

I consider if I should just answer him. Beomgyu isn’t dumb, he sees how I look at Yeonjun and how little interest I have in Heather or any other girl at our school. I can trust him with my secret even if I’m not very good at hiding it myself. He’s my friend.

“Yeah, I do.”

Beomgyu’s eyes widen then his eyebrows furrow together like he wasn’t expecting me to actually answer him. This is the first time I’ve admitted I like a man out loud. Beomgyu wraps his arms around my shoulders and squeezes me. I hug him back and it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulder. I didn’t even say the actual words but he knows for sure now.

“I’m pansexual.” Beomgyu says when he pulls away from me.

I’m still holding his shoulders when I decide now is the time I say the words out loud for the first time.

“And I’m gay.” We are both smiling and we hug again. “So, will you finally tell me who you like?”

Beomgyu rolls his eyes scooting up to the headboard with a thoughtful look on his face. This is further than he’s ever gone. Usually he shuts me down immediately. I follow him to the top of the bed but stop in front of him and sit with my legs folded.

“I don’t actually have crushes very often.” he says without meeting my eyes. “My last crush was last year and it was Taehyun Kang.”

He glances at me quickly then looks away and I find myself wondering if his heart is racing like mine is right now. Beomgyu cheeks are a rosy color that people spend hours looking for. I wonder if his skin is as soft as it looks. Before my loneliness gets the best of me I suggest we watch a movie.

“Can we cuddle?”

The words slip out before I can think over how bad this might go. It’s one thing to just do it, but asking for it is completely different. Especially when we just came out to each other.

“Y-yes!” Beomgyu says his voice squeaking before he clears his throat. “Yeah...let’s watch the movie.”

I open my arms figuring it would be more comfortable for him to lay on my chest. Beomgyu lays his head on my chest and I start the movie. For the first twenty minutes I’m acutely aware of every movement I make but eventually I relax.

Half way through the movie I pause because I want to get under the blankets, but I need to change my clothes first. Beomgyu follows my lead and changes into an oversized shirt. Usually I sleep in just my boxers but when I have guests over I usually wear more clothes. I copy Beomgyu by putting on an oversized shirt with my boxers.

I can see cow print boxers poking out from the bottom of his shirt. They are tight around his pale thighs.

“Hey pervert! My eyes are up here.”

I can feel my cheeks flush and he gives me a smile that lets me know he’s joking. Beomgyu cuddles up against me under the blankets and we resume the movie after turning the lights off.

We fall asleep like that and I’m not sure how I didn’t make an absolute fool out of myself. In the morning we don’t talk about it even though I wake up spooning him. There is a possibility we crossed a boundary we shouldn’t have. I guess that’s a thought for future Soobin and Beomgyu.

It’s past ten when we wake up so we immediately check our emails. At the top of the list in green are the names Soobin Choi and Beomgyu Choi.

“Soobin!! We both got the solos!”

Beomgyu bounces up and down before tackling me with a hug. His eyes are filled with pure joy. We giggle and I have such a sense of pure happiness in this moment. I can’t wait to figure out what I’m going to sing. I want to do something that everyone will remember.

We spend the day practicing choir pieces and helping each other with homework. For a few hours we look for songs but nothing sounds good to either of us. It would be best if we decided by Monday so we have the most time to practice.

If anything, I think we are more comfortable around each other. I’m seeing Beomgyu in a new light and I’m not sure how I feel about it yet. We are closer friends than we’ve ever been.

Beomgyu and I decide to go out for dinner but end up eating in the car when everywhere we want to go has a wait time. We park in a vacant lot a few miles from my house and talk for a while. We mostly talk about what choir will be like this year and what else we might do this year.

At 9:30 Yeonjun sends me a picture with the details of where the bonfire is and I show it to Beomgyu. The party starts in an hour so we head back to my house to get ready. While I’m fixing my hair I ask a question that has been bugging me all day.

“Why did you stop liking Taehyun?”

Beomgyu is putting on warmer clothes and I glance over catching a glimpse of his exposed back. He freezes and I quickly look away waiting for an answer to my question.

“I realized I was wasting my time. He wasn’t interested in me despite all the hints I was dropping towards him.” He walks over to me. “Unlike you, when I like someone I try to make it obvious.”

His hand glides across my lower back and it takes everything in me not to squeal. Is he trying to say something? There is no way. He knows I like Yeonjun.

“I’m pretty sure Yeonjun wants to date Heather. Have you seen the way he looks at her?”

Jealousy seethes inside of me thinking about it. Of course he’d like her. She’s everything every straight man wants. I genuinely wish that she was a bad person so that it would be easier to hate her.

“It’s easier to get over them if you try first.” Beomgyu fixes his hair in the mirror. “But do whatever you think is best for you.”

We drop the subject and continue getting ready for the bonfire. When I put on my favorite cologne I think I see him roll his eyes but I’m not so sure.

Beomgyu has been to a few more parties than me. He’s not as popular as Yeonjun or Heather but he gets along with enough people to be invited. We talked about it and agreed he can have a few drinks as long as he doesn’t get messy. I’ve never seen him or any of my friends drunk.

We drive out to the middle of the woods parking my car just off the road hidden behind the trees. There are quite a few cars and it could be dangerous if things go south. I recognize a few of the cars and wonder who they’ve brought with them. I’ve never stayed at a party longer than an hour. I guess I’m just not the type.

Heavy bass can be heard as Beomgyu and I walk towards the clearing where we can see light. It’s dark and the twisty roots sticking out of the hard ground are not friendly. Beomgyu holds his hand out and I give him a funny look.

“The last thing I need is your mom yelling at me because you got a broken ankle or got lost in the woods.”

“Fine.” I huff not liking that he’s treating me like a child.

We intertwine our fingers and begin the walk towards the clearing. His hand is warm and soft. It feels nice to touch someone without being nervous because they might think I’m a creep.

We are almost to the edge of the clearing when Beomgyu fully trips beside me and I have to save him. I pull him up and we stare into each other’s eyes, one hand still holding tightly to his. Something makes me want to pull him closer.

“Soobin?” A voice fresh as spring calls. “You made it!”

Yeonjun sounds excited. He’s wearing a hoodie layered with a jean jacket on the outside and black jeans. The glow of the fire behind him paints an absolutely ethereal picture in front of me. He grabs my shoulder pulling me towards the fire. Yeonjun completely disregards Beomgyu and I think I’ve stopped breathing.

“Soobin! Beomgyu!” Yeonjun’s friend Felix says when we finally stop walking. “I saw you got the solos! Congrats.”

Felix is genuine in his congratulations and I know that because he’s one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met. He wants everything to be joyful and full fun. Across the fire I can see other members of our choir giving us the stink eye.

Felix holds out a hard cider and raises an eyebrow daring me to take it. Beomgyu steps up and takes it out of his hand to save me the embarrassment. Behind Felix I can see a few more music students passing around a bottle of cheap vodka.

My eyes trail back to Yeonjun. He’s looking back and forth between Beomgyu and I. He makes a weird face then invites me to sit beside him on a log. The fire crackles in front of us and Yeonjun smiles at me.

He starts asking if I’ve already started choosing a song. All he wants to talk about is choir. I guess I’m fine with that as long as he’s speaking to me.

For a while we chat away sitting on the log. Beomgyu and Yeonjun each throw back a few drinks each. Yeonjun’s face is turning red and I can’t help but think he looks precious.

“Did you see the-” Beomgyu’s sentence is cut short when one of the popular athletic boys dumps a drink on me.

Yeonjun jumps away without getting any of the back splash. The jock pretends like it was an accident but snickers as he walks away. Beomgyu stands with an angry look on his tipsy face and I grab his arm.

“Sit down. They aren’t worth it.”

I take off my jacket that is soaked in hawaiian punch and cheap vodka. My shirt isn’t wet but I’ll be cold even by the fire without it.

“Binnie.” Yeonjun says and I turn my head to look at him. He’s holding out his fleece lined jean jacket and my heart stammers. I quickly put the jacket on before he changes his mind. “Huh, that looks better on you.”

It takes a few minutes for us to settle back into normal conversation. Beomgyu looks pissed and I pat his back before turning back to Yeonjun. Except his eyes are glued across the fire where Heather is standing.

“Is she wearing your jacket?” Beomgyu asks, watching her walk closer.

“She must’ve taken it from my locker.” Yeonjun says fondly. “I’m going to go say hi. I’ll be back soon.”

Before I can say anything Felix is trying to talk to me. I pretend I’m listening but really my eyes are focused on Heather. She’s wearing his hoodie from state last year with a pair of leggings and white high tops.

Beomgyu rests his hand on my knee somewhat absentmindedly a few minutes later and I turn my attention towards the conversation.

“I really think she likes you.” Felix says, taking a sip of his drink. “She was talking about you all day.”

Beomgyu sighs, looking slightly uncomfortable. He pulls his hand away from me before he speaks.

“I like someone else. I hope I can let her down gently if she confesses.”

Felix seems shocked at Beomgyu’s words. I’m a little shocked too. He just told me he didn’t like anyone. He almost never confesses his crushes, especially not to our acquaintance.

“I’d ask who she is but knowing you, I won’t get an answer.”

Beomgyu takes a long pull of his drink and smiles.

“He’s not a girl but okay.”

Felix chokes on his drink, turning away to cough it up. None of us expected him to come out so casually. How much has he had to drink? Has he forgotten what the people at our school are like? Felix won’t tell anyone but there are too many people around us that might.

“Oh, sorry for assuming.” Felix says and Beomgyu pulls me up.

He leads me towards a group of people dancing. He holds my hands and we dance together ignoring the homophobic stares. His eyes are shining in the orange fire glow. We are giggling without a care in the world except for each other.

I came here to see Yeonjun but at this moment I don’t care that he has Heather pressed up against a tree. I care about Beomgyu’s windswept hair falling into his eyes and the sound of overplayed pop music ringing through the air.

No one notices when Yeonjun and Heather wander off into the woods, except me. Beomgyu is decently buzzed by the time I decide we should go home.

“Soobin.” He tries to whisper as he clings to my shoulder trying to stay on two feet.

Right now, I’m trying to make sure he doesn’t hurt himself. We aren’t very far from the car but I’ve never dealt with a drunk Beomgyu before. He is particularly squirmy.

“Beomgyu, we are almost to the car. Then I’ll listen.”

He nods his head and lets me lead him to the car. I make sure that he’s buckled up before going around the other side.

“You’re really handsome.” Beomgyu says while I’m turning on the car and my hand stops. “I know you like tomato head but-”

“Beomie, maybe you shouldn’t say anything right now. I don’t want you to say something you might regret in the morning.”

I can’t believe he just called me handsome. My stomach is a butterfly mosh pit. Of course, I want to know what he has to say, but I don’t want him to regret saying something tomorrow.

He’s my friend at the end of the day no matter anything else. I don’t want to cross any boundaries. I like someone and he likes someone too. Our best option is to go home and sleep.

“I’m not that drunk.” Beomgyu replies before turning up the music so we can’t hear each other.

We drive home without speaking to each other and Beomgyu only pouts for a few minutes. He goes straight to the shower when we arrive at my house. He enters my room in just a pair of sweatpants and flops on my bed. I quickly take a shower hoping he’ll stay put.

Beomgyu is lying on his stomach looking at his phone when I return. His back looks much more muscular in this position and it’s not doing good things to my lonely brain.

He faces the wall and we go to sleep without another word. In the morning we are back to our normal dynamic and I’m glad. Beomgyu leaves after breakfast and I’m left to watch the stories on social media from last night. After seeing one too many pictures of Yeonjun’s hand nearly up Heather’s shirt I decide to write a song.

It turns out much angstier than I intended. After singing through it a few times I decide to change some of the lyrics to make it seem more straight. Heather’s name is traded for Daniel and pronouns are changed as well. This would be an interesting song to sing for my solo. I don’t know if Mr. Bang will allow it but I can try.

I spend the day perfecting it and even go as far as recording it. I feel productive at the end of the day even if I’m a little emotionally exhausted. I have two titles ‘The Third of December’ and ‘Heather.’ Obviously, I can’t use the second one so that’ll be the title for the original.

This song might cause chaos if I’m allowed to sing it but I’m prepared for that possibility. Might as well do the absolute most.

In a few hours it will be my birthday. Every year since middle school I’ve stayed up to see who the first to wish me a happy birthday is. Usually, it’s Beomgyu or another of my choir friends. I don’t have a lot of friends but most of the time I’m okay with that.

At 12am I’m on instagram when I see a text message notification from Beomgyu.

Beomie: Happy birthday Soobin! You are more special than you know and I can’t wait to see what amazing things you do this year. Happy 17th bestie🎉🎂🎈

I thank him by sending a selfie where I’m smiling and throwing up a peace sign. He heart reacts the photo then changes it to a thumbs up reaction.

By one, five people from my choir friends have wished me a happy birthday including Heather. A few of them posted on their instagram stories. I’m already feeling birthday love. Yeonjun must be asleep.

In the morning I check my notifications, seeing that I was tagged in a story by Yeonjun. I watch his story and see three slides. With three pictures of us. Two of them are group photos. One from state last year and one from homecoming this year. The other one is a picture we took recently. He’s wishing me a happy birthday with pretty fonts.

I message him thank you with a smile emoji and a blue heart, but I’m squealing like a schoolgirl. My crush wished me a happy birthday! Not a plain one either. He took time to make those stories look nice! I’m feeling so much happiness.

By now my facebook wall is filled with birthday messages from people I rarely talk to. I think it’s weird that people who never talk to me want to wish me a happy birthday. It does satisfy my need for attention though.

In the kitchen my mom is waiting with doughnuts and coffee from my favorite cafe. We don’t usually do anything grand for my birthday. Just a special dinner and a few presents unless I want to do something else. Most years I don’t have special plans for my birthday and this year is no exception. I’ll probably come home and practice my song.

“Happy birthday, Soobin.” My parents say when I enter the kitchen.

My mother hands me an iced caramel macchiato and motions for me to look at the doughnuts to choose what I want. After picking three I sit down and my parents start asking if I’m sure I don’t want to do anything. I assure them I’m fine with what we usually do.

At school a few people wish me a happy birthday as I walk to my locker, after putting Yeonjun’s jacket in his locker. That’s a little weird all things considered. I shrug it off and continue on to my locker. Someone has covered it in wrapping paper and balloons are sticking out. No one is standing near my locker but I have my suspicions. I open my locker and feel a hand on my shoulder.

“Happy birthday, Soobin!” Beomgyu says while I open my locker.

Inside is a basket filled with presents. Beomgyu and I only get each other good gifts for Christmas. This basket is filled with candy, snacks and a few other things he thinks I’d want. Usually that’s a few gift cards and maybe a new phone case. Sometimes he even gets me music books. This year looks like he’s done all of the above.

“Thank you!” I say turning around to hug him.

He hugs me for a second then shys away. He looks flustered but all I can think about is how Yeonjun posted me on his story.

“You're welcome.” He says proudly.

“Did you see that Yeonjun posted me on his story?” I say quietly not wanting anyone to interpret what I’m saying and start a rumor.

“Yeah, I saw. Group photos.”

His mood seems to change suddenly and I can tell he’s two seconds away from rolling his eyes. I won’t let that ruin my buzzing happiness. My crush wished me a happy birthday and posted me on his story. He gave me a crown in the group so no one could miss me.

“One of them wasn’t a group photo!” I say digging in the basket for a jolly rancher.

“Whatever you say. Let's go to class.”

We go to class and the day is much like any other. I just have more snacks and balloons hanging out of my locker. Every time I see Yeonjun he’s busy so I don’t get a chance to talk to him.

I have a long conversation with Mr. Bang after school. I explain that I don’t want anyone, besides him, to hear the song until the concert. It takes some convincing and actually performing for him, but eventually he agrees.

I’m ecstatic as I walk out of the choir room. It’s a very rare occasion that Mr. Bang let’s someone sing an original at the winter concert.

“Soobin.” My crush's voice calls to me from down the hall. My heart jumps hoping he didn’t hear my performance. Even with the changed lyrics I think he’s smart enough to realize it’s about him.

“Oh, hi!” I say sweeping my hair out of my eyes.

“Were you turning in your song choice?” He walks towards the parking lot with me holding the jacket I put in his locker this morning.

“Something like that.”

He raises an eyebrow but lets it go and launches into a story of something that happened after Beomgyu and I left the party.

“I was sad you didn’t say bye before you left.” He says when we are next to my car.

“I think you were a little occupied.” I say, trying to tone down the jealousy, while making a grabby motion and his face turns red.

“Yeah...anyways if you ever want help rehearsing just send me a message.” He smiles. “Happy birthday.”

“Thank you.”

I get into my car. Of course, he can’t hear me rehearsing. The next few weeks are going to be difficult.

Yeonjun, Beomgyu and several other people ask what song I’ve chosen for the concert but I insist that it’ll be better if I don’t tell them. After a few tries everyone gives up.

The night before our concert we are caroling at a light show. The whole choir has come together for this event. We are standing on stairs near the middle of the lights spread around the area.

“Soobin, did you forget your gloves?” Beomgyu asks, evident in his tone.

“Yeah, I came straight from visiting my nephew.” I say looking down at my caroling book.

I’m reading over a carol I haven’t sung in awhile when gloves plop onto my music. I look up and see kind eyes looking back. His nose is red from the cold and I just want to touch his cheek.

“I knew someone would forget.” He smiles at me before turning back towards the front.

We’ve been hanging out more recently when I’m not rehearsing. I’ve never noticed how cool he is until recently. I still wonder what he wanted to tell me that night he was drunk but I don’t think it’s fair for me to bring it up. If he wants to tell me whatever it was, he will. At least I hope he will.

“Binnie?” Yeonjun, who’s hair is now black, asks quietly, turning around from his spot in front of me. “I know we have school tomorrow but a few of us are going to Taehyun’s house for a little kick back. We’ve told our parents it's a last minute rehearsal.”

Yeonjun has been seeking me out the last few days and adamantly wants to know what song I’m singing. It’s pretty clear that he and Heather are dating but they won’t say it out loud. Every day I wish Heather’s father would be transferred to another country.

“My mom won’t buy that. I’ll come to the bonfire tomorrow.” I say knowing full well I won’t be attending.

I’ll probably leave the school as soon as I’m done with my performance. The last thing I want to do is talk to anyone after outing myself.

In front of Mr. Bang I’ve been practicing ‘The Third of December’ but tomorrow I will be singing Heather. I decided I’m tired of pretending I’m not in love with Yeonjun Choi. The repercussions might be uncomfortable for a minute, but I’ll never know if I do nothing.

“Beomgyu, what about you?” Yeonjun looks up at him with a slight look of disappointment on his face.

“I’ll be there for a little while.”

Before any one can say another word Mr. Bang signals for us to start. I’m having a hard time concentrating with thoughts of their after party in my head. Why are they having two parties? My mom would never let me go and I don’t want to piss her off. If I behave now she’ll let me have more freedom this spring and summer.

Even if it means more time with Yeonjun I don’t want to risk something happening. My solo tomorrow is extremely important to me. Maybe I’m being a little dramatic but after tomorrow things will be different for me.

The performance is fun once I lock the thoughts of Yeonjun in the farthest back corner. Beomgyu is smiling more than usual and it makes me feel happy. Our choir's energy is joyous and exciting. We are blending better than ever before.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come?” Beomgyu asks as we walk back to our cars. “My mom could talk to your mom.”

I take his gloves off, folding them together before handing them back. He takes them waiting for me to answer his question.

“I’d rather go home and sleep. Big concert tomorrow and I have a chemistry test.”

“Okay, I’ll text you if anything exciting happens.” He says patting my shoulder before walking off.

I see him get into Yeonjun’s car while I find the right playlist to drive home too. Taylor Swift feels like the right mood.

I drive around for about an hour before going home. My parents are sitting in the living room watching trashy reality tv. They don’t even seem to notice I’m here. Maybe I should’ve just gone to the party.

Sitting alone in my room practicing a song I’ve already perfected is sad. I’m spending my most formative years locked away practicing for hope of a better future. Surely, life will be better once I leave this town and never look back.

Instead of sleeping early, I watch the snapchat stories of my classmates. Heather and Yeonjun grinding in the middle of a crowd doesn’t seem very ‘kick back’ to me. There seems to be alcohol flowing and I’m already cursing them. The last thing I want is a bunch of hungover teenagers complaining.

My heart drops every time I watch over the stories. Yeonjun has lost all subtlety. I guess I should’ve expected this. It’s painfully obvious they are together. I wonder which one of them is stopping the other from officially announcing they are together. I bet it’s Heather.

At 1 I decide to sleep only to get woken up ten minutes later by my phone. It takes several rings for me to find my phone in the dark. Beomgyu’s name is lighting up my screen. My heart sinks immediately thinking the worst must’ve happened. I quickly answer the phone.

“Soobie, I’m so sorry.” He sounds drunk and I’m not surprised.

Any kind of ‘kick back’ usually involves weed and alcohol. I’m just not very fond of those situations and I have strict parents. I don’t like lying to them.

“Don’t apologize. Are you okay? What do you need?” I say aware of how sleepy my voice sounds.

Don’t people think sleepy voices are hot? Why is that my first thought? Would Yeonjun think my sleepy voice is hot?

“Yeonjun brought me here but he passed out in Taehyun’s guest room. Can you come get me?”

I’m worried about Yeonjun for a moment before focusing on what really matters. Beomgyu needs me and trusts me enough to call me. He’d do the same for me if I was in his situation.

“Of course, send me the address and I'll be there soon. Do you want to come to my house or can I drop you at yours?”

I can hear him hiccuping while he thinks about his answer. Why did he get drunk on a school night? I hope he’s okay physically and mentally. He rarely gets more than buzzed from what he’s told me.

“Your house.” He says with no further explanation.

I don’t question him because I’d rather he be here with me than possibly in trouble somewhere else. My mind will be at peace with him in my bed.

“Okay, stay put and drink some water. I’ll be there soon.”

He says goodbye and I jump up. After putting on sweats and a hoodie I lay out clothes for Beomgyu to wear. As quietly as possible I take a bucket from downstairs and put it in my bedroom just in case. I sneak out the backdoor with no problem.

I’m grateful at this moment that my car is fairly quiet. I don’t turn on my headlights until I’m down the street. My parents would understand what I’m doing right now, but they would still be mad that I snuck out on a school night. I’ll take a little heat if it means my friend gets home safely.

Ten minutes later I arrive at Taehyun’s house and text Beomgyu to come outside. He doesn’t answer me so I decide to go inside. I knock lightly before finding the door unlocked. In the living room I see music kids sleeping on the floor and some still going. Beomgyu is sitting alone on a loveseat cuddling a throw pillow close to his chest. He looks innocent and soft.

“Beomie.” I say softly kneeling in front of him.

I lay a hand on his thigh and he looks down at me. His eyes light up when they meet mine and I wonder if my sleepy brain is why I want to hug him. I have a strong urge to protect my intoxicated friend.

“Soobin.” He flies forward to hug me and I let him wrap his strong arms around my shoulders. His warm body feels comforting pressed against mine.

“Let’s go buddy.”

I throw him over my shoulder in one quick movement and he laughs. He’s not as heavy as I thought he’d be. He smells nice once you get past the scent of vodka on his breath. I’m surprised that he isn’t struggling. Beomgyu must trust me more than I thought.

“You’re so tall. I feel like I’m flying. You must’ve drinken so much milk.”

I turn back to the few people still awake and put on my best stern look. Not that the four seniors staring back at me are going to listen to a word I have to say. They don’t even care that I have a whole person slung over my shoulder. No one is even looking at me.

“I’m taking him home. Get some sleep. We have a concert tomorrow.”

We walk outside before either of us speak again. Beomgyu is clinging to my back even though I have a pretty good grip on him.

“What song are you singing, Soobie?” Beomgyu asks, pulling the back of my hoodie up.

“Let’s keep our clothes on.” I say while I'm trying my best not to drop him on the sidewalk. He lets go of my hoodie. ”It’s a song I wrote.”

We get to my car and he gets inside with no damage. His eyes are closing as he slumps into the seat. I make sure he’s belted in before getting in on the other side. Beomgyu seems happy and I wonder how much of this he will remember in the morning.

“Is it about Yeonjun?” He asks a few minutes later. Beomgyu is staring through the windshield with a thoughtful look. “You know you could do so much better than pining after someone with a girlfriend.”

“I wish I could forget about him or at least my feelings for him.”

Wouldn’t life be so much easier if he didn’t consume my every thought? His stupid brown eyes and the way he supports my every musical endeavor. Maybe we could be good friends if I wasn’t in love with him.

“Sometimes I feel the same way.” He stares straight at me while he says this and I brush it off.

Of course, I want to know who he likes but I shouldn’t take advantage of my drunk friend. He would most likely tell me if I asked. Beomgyu obviously has a great deal of trust in me.

After reiterating how quiet we need to be, Beomgyu and I go inside. Thankfully, he only hit the wall once and it wasn’t close enough to my parents room that they’d notice.

I leave the room to get him water and he’s changed when I return. Well I think he’s changed. His clothes are on the floor. He is burrowed under my blankets looking at his phone. Hopefully he isn’t drunk texting his crush. I wouldn’t want him to ruin his chances.

“Beomie, please tell me you aren’t drunk texting your crush.”

My phone dings from my night stand as I’m taking my hoodie off. I pick up my phone to see a message from Beomgyu. It’s a shirtless selfie he must’ve taken earlier that day.

A strange noise leaves my mouth and I can feel a blush covering my face. He’s so toned and you can’t tell that from the clothing he wears. I almost drop my phone but instead sit on my bed. I take Beomgyu’s phone from his hand.

“You like it that much? You want to see more?”

He tries to lift the shirt he’s wearing up and I cover him with a blanket. Why is he doing this? We’re friends. Is he that lonely? Is he messing with me to forget about his crush?

“Let’s keep our clothes on.” I set his phone on my side of the bed. “You can have that back in the morning.”

My parents won’t be here when I wake up so we shouldn’t have any problem in the morning. I set my normal alarm and put both our phones on chargers. I’m surprised he isn’t trying to retrieve his phone.

“Why do you like Yeonjun?”

He is lying on his side looking over at me. Why does he want to know this? When has he ever been this interested in my non-existent love life?

“He’s kind and handsome. I know that he’ll make time to talk to me if I ever really need him too. He has incredible music taste and musicality.”

The butterflies start flying around my stomach. Yeonjun is really like no one else. Heather is such a lucky girl.

“What about your crush? Why do you like him?”

He seems to think for a minute but his eyes never drift away from me.

“He makes all my problems disappear for a moment. I feel safe when I’m around him like he’d protect me to the best of his ability. I trust him because he’s been my friend for a long time. He has a unique beauty that a lot of people don’t appreciate.”

“Wow, he sounds like a special guy.”

We look into each other’s eyes for a moment. His face is soft like he might fall asleep at any moment. So sweet.

“Yeah, he is pretty special.” He looks like he wants to say something else but he shakes his head. “Let’s go to sleep.”

He rolls over facing the wall.

“Okay, sleep well.”

I end up spooning him some time in the night. He doesn’t seem to mind when we wake up cuddled together. He pushes his butt back against me while I’m pretending to still be asleep.

That makes me jump away because the last thing he needs is to feel something. Not that something is there right now. I should make breakfast.

I let him sleep a few more minutes while I make bacon and eggs in the kitchen. He walks into the kitchen stretching his head. I look over my shoulder and see his hair sticking up in every direction.

“Eat up. I’ll go get you some Tylenol.”

I walk to the bathroom after putting a plate on the table. I grab the bottle and walk back to the kitchen. Beomgyu is chugging water when I return.

“Please, don’t ever let me be that stupid again.” He says picking up a piece of bacon. “Did I say anything stupid? I remember coming here but not what I was saying.”

“Check your phone.” I say sitting beside him.

I can’t contain a giggle knowing he’s about to be mortified at what he sent me. He unlocks his phone and taps the screen a few times before he sets his phone down and hides his face.

“I’m so sorry I sent you that.”

For a moment I’m not sure what to say, then I just want to mess with him a little bit. My words are true but he won’t think so.

“It’s okay you’re kind of handsome, but shouldn’t you have sent that to your crush?”

Beomgyu chokes on his drink and I rush to pat his back. Once he’s done choking he starts laughing while shaking his head. I don't understand why he thinks that’s funny.

He quickly diverts the conversation to choir. We start talking about a piece I’ve been having trouble memorizing. It doesn’t help that my section is the backbone of that particular piece.

Beomgyu wears an outfit from the back of my closet that I never wear to school. He doesn’t want to go all the way home before school. I don’t mind, he looks better in my clothes than I do. Even if they are a little too big for him.

The day goes by pretty normally. We have a little extra time to rehearse but otherwise no big differences. I’m nervous for my solo and the whole school realizing I’m gay. I still have the chance to back out, but I don’t think I will.

After school Beomgyu, Kai and Taehyun come to my house. We have dinner and get ready together. It’s a lot of fun hanging out with them even if they won’t stop grilling me about what song I’m singing.

“It’s an original.” I say as I’m straightening my red bow tie. “I want it to be a surprise.”

“Mr. Bang is letting you do an original?” Taehyun asks, shocked.

“Of course, Soobin is really talented.” Beomgyu says, looking for his Santa hat.

Beomgyu is always complimenting me. His crush is so lucky to have someone so thoughtful. The words he said about him when he was drunk were beautiful.

We take pictures together before we leave. Beomgyu and I get a few of just the two of us and I’m happy to have more pictures with my friends.

Our call time is 6:30 but we arrive ten minutes before that. Most of the choir is already here and dressed appropriately in concert blacks with a pop of festive color.

We take more pictures with some of the girls and Yeonjun before warm ups start. We are in a lopsided circle in the green room.

My anxiety is getting higher with each passing moment. My performance is second to last just before Heather and Yeonjun’s performance of Baby It’s Cold Outside. What a cliched choice.

Mr. Bang gives us a speech about doing our best and giving the audience the best show of our lives. It’s the same speech he gives every concert. I’ve heard it too many times.

After doing a chant we enter the stage for our first song as a choir. Four songs later the first trio takes over and the rest of us sit in the first two rows of the audiotoriam. I like being able to watch the other performances without worrying about someone staring at me.

All too quickly Beomgyu is on stage singing his heart out. He chose Shiver by Coldplay and I’m wondering how his crush could not see him. He says he makes it obvious when he likes someone. Beomgyu looks breathtaking and his high notes are crisp. His talent is far too big for this school.

Mr. Bang likes to allow students to introduce the next song. I smile at Beomgyu as we pass each other on stage trying to mask my anxiety. I make it to the middle of the stage and disregard the card I’m supposed to read from.

“Hello, my name is Soobin Choi and this is my original piece Heather.”

My heart is beating a mile a minute as I walk towards the piano and sit down to play. I can see confusion on the faces in the crowd, including my director. I take a deep breath and begin.

“I still remember the third of December, me in your sweater. You said it looked better on me than it did you.”

I look into the crowd knowing my fingers won’t betray me. Heather is looking at Yeonjun but Yeonjun’s are locked on me. I didn’t tell anyone the fake name, let alone the real one. Of course they are interested. Mystery keeps people engaged.

“Only if you knew how much I liked you But I watch your eyes as she walks by. What a sight for sore eyes. Brighter than the blue sky. She's got you mesmerised while I die.”

I want to look at him but I’m afraid. I look at Beomgyu instead and he has a melancholy smile on his face. Even from the stage I can see it doesn’t reach his eyes. He knows who this is about and will probably understand better than most people.

“Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester. But you like her better. Wish I were Heather.”

I lock eyes with Yeonjun when I say her name and his mouth is open. He’s shocked exactly like I thought he’d be. Am I crazy for doing this?

“Watch as she stands with her, holding your hand. Put your arm 'round her shoulder, now I'm getting colder. But how could I hate her, she's such an angel. But then again, kinda wish she were dead as she walks by.”

I can’t bring myself to look into anyone’s eyes as I say that line. I still don’t know why Mr. Bang allowed that line. Of course, it’s just a metaphor but perhaps it’s a little rude. My frustration is clear as day.

Two choruses later I’ve finished the song feeling every note of pure agony from being in love with a man I can never have. I wish I was Heather more than anything. But right now I need to introduce her and her boyfriend.

“And now for our final song of the night Heather Valentine and Yeonjun Choi with Baby it’s Cold Outside.” I say into the microphone with my best actor voice.

I exit the stage and they stare at me while they walk up. I take my seat next to Beomgyu and he looks at me like I’m crazy. He won’t say a word but I can already hear my classmates processing.

“Are you gay?” A sophomore wearing the wrong lipstick shade whispers turning in her seat.

“Are you in love with Yeonjun?” Another sophomore asks.

“You’re so pathetic. He’s obviously never going to want you.” Someone behind me says.

“Imagine writing a whole song about being in love with a straight boy and wanting to be his girlfriend. How pitiful!”

“He’s really brave to be performing that in this town.” Someone from my class says with a sneer.

I calmly get up, without looking at Yeonjun and Heather already dancing on stage, and leave the auditorium. My parents are in the audience but I doubt they will try to follow me. I’m not going home anyways.

Why did I do this? Why did I think this was a good idea? I start driving while taking deep breaths. I feel like I’m about to burst with anxiety. My car takes me forward and I’m not sure of my destination. I just want to get away from the auditorium.

I end up stopping near a lake I used to go to a lot as a child. There are a few benches scattered along the edge of the lake and I walk in the dark until I’m about 100 feet away from my car.

I break down and start sobbing. I wish I’d chosen some cheesy christmas song instead of baring my heart to the whole community. What will happen on Monday when I can no longer hide away? I’m so fucking stupid.

Nearly an hour later I hear a tree branch snap under someone’s foot.

“Great I made a dumb decision now I’m going to get murdered.” I whine sniffling.

“I’m not going to kill you.” Beomgyu says, shining his face with a flashlight. “I thought you might be here.”

He sits beside me wrapping an arm around my shoulder. His hand rubs up and down my arm and I let myself collapse into his chest. I can’t hold back my tears and I certainly can’t speak without my voice breaking.

“The song was beautiful, Soobin.” He rubs my back letting me cry it out on his suit. “I’m sorry you’re in so much pain. I would take it all away if I could.”

He begins humming which eventually turns into soft singing. Hearing his voice takes my mind off of Yeonjun and calms me down a little.

Beomgyu is there for me just like I was there for him. Being vulnerable around people is scary but in his arms I feel safe. I’m so thankful to have him as my friend. I don’t know what I’d do without him right now.

“Thank you, Beomie.” I look into his eyes and he wipes away my tears. “Whoever your crush is would be lucky to have you.”

“You’re so oblivious.” He mutters with a tired smile.

“What?”

His teeth gleam in the moonlight and I can’t understand why he’s laughing at me. So oblivious? Of what? Should I know who his crush is? He hasn’t told me or dropped any major hints. I’m usually good at reading situations like this.

“Nothing.” He says almost at a whisper then continues louder, “Let’s go get some ice cream. My treat.”

Beomgyu had someone drop him off here so he climbs into my car. He doesn’t say anything else so I turn up the music and we sing together. We are both laughing when we arrive at the ice cream shop. I’m grateful that no one from our school is here.

We sit outside and eat our ice cream. My head is filled with every scenario of what might happen on Monday. I think Beomgyu can tell I’m getting in my head so he starts dancing in front of me.

“Do you want to have a sleepover at my place? My parents aren’t home so we could have our own little party.”

He sticks his lip out into a pout and I giggle. Maybe I fucked up but at least I have Beomgyu. He finishes his little dance with a body roll and we throw away our trash.

We drive back to my house and I ask my parents if I can go to Beomgyu’s. Seeing how upset I look they let me go without an argument.

I pack some clothes into my bag and change out of my suit before going back to the car. Beomgyu is waiting, patiently scrolling through twitter on his phone. His eyebrows are creased together and when I try to look over his shoulder he jumps.

“Oh, hi. Let’s go! There is this new drink I found on Pinterest that I want to try.”

Does he mean alcoholic drink? Wow, I sound like such a nerd. I want to try these ‘normal’ teenage things but I’m afraid to do it with a crowd of people. I’ve always been afraid of accidentally outing myself. I guess that’s not a problem anymore since I did it myself.

“Sounds good. Do we need to get anything?”

I start the car pulling out of the driveway while I wait for him to answer. He looks down at his phone then through the windshield.

“Pineapple juice and snacks.”

After a successful Target run we arrive at Beomgyu’s house with pineapple juice and way too many snacks for two boys.

I’ve been here a few times but usually we stay at my house. The house is eerily quiet so we turn on music immediately.

Beomgyu takes off his pants in the middle of the hallway then goes to his room to change the rest of the way. He really has no shame and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

While he’s changing I set the snacks out on the living room coffee table. Then start looking for the ingredients Beomgyu needs for the drinks. I wonder if Yeonjun would like this. I bet he would. He must be at the bonfire living it up right now. I pull my phone out with the intention of looking at his stories. When a kissing noise in my ear scares me half to death and I fall over. Beomgyu quickly helps me up while laughing his ass off.

“You’re so rude!”

He laughs for a moment longer then grabs my waist to pull away from the drinks. He starts mixing things together in a small pitcher.

“Let’s stay off our phones. We can watch a movie together or something like that.” Beomgyu pours two glasses and picks one up. ”Don’t feel pressured to do anything you don’t want to.”

“I think this is as good a time as any.” I say picking up the glass and taking a sip. I try not to make a face but I fail. “I’m with my best friend.”

He makes a weird face that looks like a mixture of fond and disappointed. I’m not sure what could have caused that but I don’t want him to be sad too.

“If it’s too strong I can make you something else. We have white claws in the fridge.”

My drink is a pretty pink color and I’m not giving it up. I’ll deal with it and get used to the taste. I don’t want him thinking I’m weak. I stick my nose in the air and walk to the living room.

With the tv on I relax back into the sofa and take another drink. It’s not as bad this time. The alcohol makes my chest feel warm.

“Let’s watch a Christmas movie.” I suggest when Beomgyu walks into the room with a pitcher, a bottle and two shot glasses in his hand.

“That’s a good idea! Let’s make it fun and play a drinking game.”

We decide to watch Love Actually and I end up drinking more than I thought I would for a stupid game. Two drinks and two shots later I’m feeling fuzzy, but also I want to dance.

I turn on upbeat music and pull Beomgyu off the couch. We dance together, forgetting the world around us and what other people might be saying. We take stupid videos of each other and somehow I convince him to do another shot.

Eventually we end up sitting on his bed with his head in my lap. We are giddy and still passing a mixed drink back and forth. Well, right now it’s been abandoned on the bedside table. I’m running my fingers through his soft black hair.

He looks like he’s at peace. I’m so glad to have a friend like him even if he won’t share everything with me. When he feels comfortable I’m sure he’ll share that information with me.

I reach for the drink even though I’m properly drunk. I feel pretty invincible and genuinely happy. If Beomgyu didn’t already know my secrets I’d be spilling them to him.

Beomgyu sits up and takes the drink from me. He finishes the small amount that’s left and smiles at me.

“How are you feeling, Soobie?”

“Fucking fantastic.” I reply enthusiastically, holding my hand out.

He attempts to give me the empty cup but I shake my head. Beomgyu puts the cup down and gives me his hand. I smile, leaning my head down to kiss his hand. Beomgyu flinches, scaring me so bad I back away.

Next thing I know he’s wrestling me. We are laughing as we tumble around his bed. Our movements are sloppy but somehow I end up straddling him with his arms pinned above his head. His face is extremely close to mine. Our noses are almost touching and every inch of my body is screaming to kiss him.

But he’s my best friend. I shouldn’t do that. He likes someone and I still like Yeonjun a lot even if he’ll never give me the time of day.

But Beomgyu is right here under me and doesn’t seem to mind. I let go of his arms letting our noses touch for a second before I pull away slightly. My eyelids slide shut and I wait for him to make the decision.

“Soobin, I’m not going to kiss you.” He whispers and I sigh pushing myself off of him. I lie on my back feeling a little embarrassed. Suddenly, I wish I could disappear. “It’s not that I don’t want to. If we kiss I think that should be a sober decision.”

“How do you have so much clarity?” I whine just wanting to feel his soft lips and the caress of his strong hands.

“I’ve done this a lot more times than you.” He gives me a fond smile and strokes my cheek. “Let’s go to sleep before you do something you might regret.”

I remove my shirt and pants before Beomgyu can say anything and climb under the blanket. He shrugs his shoulders and copies me. I try to look away but I’m a failure.

“How much do you work out?” I question, wondering if I can look as good as him.

“Wouldn’t you like to know, pervert?” He replies, getting under the covers with me. His hand travels under the blankets to my waist. Beomgyu squeezes then pulls me closer. My hand finds its way to his stomach. I lightly trace my fingers along his abs and I feel him shiver under my touch. “Ahh, maybe I should make a wall with my pillows. Someone seems to be having impulse control issues.”

“Beomie.” I pout my lips and put my head on his chest as well as my leg over his hips. “I promise I’ll behave if you tell me who you like.”

He lifts my chin with two fingers looking into my eyes. I wish Yeonjun looked at me like this. Life would be so much simpler if Yeonjun was in front of me.

“Isn’t it obvious?”

He scans my face looking for confirmation that I know something. Anything. But I don’t know anything.

“No.” I reply completely serious.

“Let's go to sleep then.” Beomgyu says, turning his back to me.

I might have fought harder if I wasn’t so tired. Beomgyu’s skin is so soft and warm. I wrap my arms around him trying not to rub him more than necessary. Within minutes I fall asleep.

It’s his turn to take care of me in the morning. We meet in the kitchen where he has prepared eggs and sausage. My stomach feels horrible and I have the worst headache I’ve ever felt.

“Good morning, Soobin.” He plates the food and puts it in front of me. “Do you have all your memories?”

That’s a great question. I think back to last night and I can remember everything from watching Love Actually to almost kissing my best friend. My face heats up and I chug some water to hide it.

“I’m so sorry I tried to kiss you.”

“It’s okay.” He laughs before taking a bite of his meal. “That’s just something you should get control of before you start drinking with other people. Not everyone has my self control when a pretty boy wants to kiss them.”

WHY IS HE CALLING ME PRETTY? What is wrong with him? He likes someone. Why is he saying this to me instead of to them? Maybe he’s practicing so he can be more confident with his crush.

I don’t know what to say so I change the topic to how much fun I had dancing with him last night. We agree to another dance night soon with less alcohol and more nachos.

We hang out for most of the day before I go home. My parents don’t try to stop me when I go straight to my room. They’ll want to talk to me eventually but for now I’m glad they are giving me space.

For the first time since before last night’s concert I check social media and it’s not good. Many of my classmates have taken it upon themselves to leave rude comments and slurs in the comments of my instagram and twitter posts. I report a few of them but there are too many for me to report all of them.

Beomgyu was trying to keep me safe and distracted without me even knowing it. He helped me through a hard night and made it into a great one. He’s so kind and compassionate. I have so much respect for him.

As if I wasn’t crying enough, Yeonjun's name lights up my screen. He’s sent me several text messages, something he almost never does.

Yeonjun☺️: Hey Soobin

Yeonjun☺️: I wanted to talk to you about the song you performed last night. It was incredible and you are truly so talented but it made me a little uncomfortable. I don’t think of you in that way. Mostly, it made me sad that you’ve been having these feelings. I’m sorry that I’ve indirectly caused you pain.

Yeonjun☺️: Right now, I’m dating Heather even if she won’t let me tell the whole school that. She’s the only person I have feelings for. There’s probably nothing I can do to help you get over your feelings for me but I hope you can find someone who can return your affections and help you forget about me.

Yeonjun☺️: Heather and I will probably be talking to you less frequently for a while. I think she’ll be more comfortable that way. Maybe it will help you move on too.

Yeonjun☺️: I fully support you being LGBTQA+ or whichever label you prefer and I hope the assholes stop sending you hate messages soon. I’ve been reporting them. I’m really flattered that you wrote a song about me

I read his messages ten times before I can even fully process what he’s written. How am I supposed to respond to this? I already bared my heart to the whole town and now I’m getting rejected over text

How am I supposed to reply to a man who only hurts me? It’s not his fault but I think he’s perfect. If only I knew how to not catch feelings. As far as I know Yeonjun is straight. The heart wants what it wants though. So it was already too late when I realized my feelings. Yeonjun has never been more than friendly to me. My loneliness has gotten the best of me.

I keep it straightforward and simple.

Soobin: thank you for complimenting my song

Soobin: i’m sorry i made you uncomfortable. i wish you and heather the best

I send Beomgyu screenshots and he tells me I responded nicely. He reminds me that he’s just a text away if I need him. I’m glad I have him and I hope nothing changes when he finally tells his crush his feelings. Too many people abandon their friends for love.

School is quite literally hell on Monday. Everyone is whispering and stops only when I’m close enough to hear. As if the gossip wasn’t bad enough, someone has taken it upon themselves to spray paint slurs on my locker.

By lunch I’m hiding in my car debating about skipping the rest of the day. My parents wouldn’t like that at all. Then again I could just not come home until it was the normal time-

“Soobin!” Beomgyu knocks on my passenger window.

I unlock the car and he gets inside handing me a bag. It’s Mcdonald’s and when I open it my favorite order is sitting inside. For the first time today I smile.

“Thank you, Beomie.”

How did he know I was out here? He must’ve guessed I’d be in my car when I wasn’t in the lunchroom. Today he’s wearing a crew neck sweater and light washed jeans with black converse. He looks handsome and for a fleeting second I wish I liked him instead of Yeonjun. What a silly idea.

“Did you see Troye Sivan’s new song?”

I’m grateful for the distraction and for someone to talk to about music. People at our school don’t understand me. They certainly don’t listen to music by a gay Australian.

Throughout the week leading up to winter break people continue to talk shit about me. By Friday I’m so relieved to be away from this place for two weeks.

I’m not sure why I came to school today in the first place. It’s a half day filled with ‘festive’ activities. Sure, drinking hot chocolate while watching Elf in the choir room is fun but not worth hearing slurs.

Before dismissal most of the student body is gathered in the cafeteria waiting for goody bags. One of the teachers left them in the teachers longer so we were left here. I hear a slur being shouted but I don’t think it’s directed at me this time.

A loud bang draws my attention to the center of the room where Yeonjun is standing on a table. Heather is standing below him looking mortified.

“I’ve seen quite a few people being nasty to Soobin Choi because of the song he performed at the winter concert. The song was beautifully written and the contents of the song shouldn’t matter to you. It wasn’t written for you. So what, he likes a boy. Being homophobic won’t get you anywhere and I’m not above showing your college admissions offices proof of your intolerance. Leave him alone and have a nice winter break.”

Yeonjun walks out of the cafeteria without a further word. Everyone looks stunned and I try to make myself smaller. Of course, that’s useless. I wait a few minutes before walking to my car. Thankfully, I avoid Yeonjun. Though I should thank him later.

As I’m trying to process what just happened I see Beomgyu walk in front of my car with two goodie bags in hand. He gets into my car without asking and honestly that’s fine with me.

“I snagged you a bag then got the hell out of there. Some of them seem scared of Yeonjun so maybe they’ll stop.”

“Thank you.”

I take the bag from his hand and open it before I start the car. A Santa shaped treat sticks out to me so I eat that first.

Beomgyu and I are having a Christmas sleepover tonight at his house. We agreed on one present each but I might have spent a lot on that one gift. We are doing it early because tomorrow he’s leaving. His family goes on a vacation to the Bahamas every year for Christmas.

Since his gift is expensive I left it at home. We are going to make a quick stop at my house before going to his. Beomgyu comes inside with me but goes into the living room to speak with my mother.

I grab my overnight bag and Beomgyu’s gift before walking into the living room. He’s laughing with my mother. It makes me hopeful that when I bring home a boy she won’t be too harsh.

“It was nice talking to you Mrs. Choi. Happy Holidays.”

He’s so polite to my mom. We walk back to my car and he tries to snatch his present away. I hold it above his head and he crosses his arms.

“You’re the one who said you wanted to watch a movie and drink hot cider first.” I remind him as we buckle up.

“That was before I saw this pretty wrapping paper.”

He doesn’t try to grab the bag again, instead taking a candy cane from his goodie bag. I turn on Christmas music and we bop all the way to Beomgyu’s house.

His house is huge so I doubt his parents will bother us. Not that I mind, his parents are so nice to me. As soon as I step inside I can smell baked goods. Beomgyu tugs me to the kitchen and we see a platter of snacks.

We thank Mrs. Choi then head to Beomgyu’s room with the tray. In the corner of his room there is a little Christmas tree with tiny ornaments.

I sit on his bed with his present in hand. Beomgyu slips away into his closet and returns with a small Hyères bag. Usually he’s much more patient than this. He must really want to give me my gift.

Beomgyu sits beside me folding his legs on the bed. We trade presents and I watch eagerly as he unwraps the green Monogram Jacquard Cardigan I bought him. His eyes go wide like saucer plates when he realizes what it is.

“I’ve been looking at this for a few weeks!” He exclaims, smiling brightly. “Open yours.”

The bag is filled with tissue paper and a box. I pull the box out and carefully open it to reveal a bracelet. It’s gold and looks like a thick paper clip or maybe a link of some sort. The bracelet has a string to adjust length. I like it a lot. He always knows what I want when I don’t even know myself.

“It looks so nice, Beomgyu. Can you adjust it for me?” I slide the bracelet on as I speak and he gladly helps me adjust the strings.

The metal gleams from the overhead light and my stomach flutters. This gift is so simple but seems so personal at the same time. My best friend is so special.

We have a chill night before I leave in the morning. Beomgyu had some last minute packing to do before they left at noon. A few times he’s complained about how boring these trips are, but he doesn’t fight his parents.

When they arrive safely, Beomgyu messages me. After that I didn't hear from him until the next morning. Knowing his parents, they were probably off to an activity as soon as they landed. His parents try to be active in his life but their jobs don’t always allow it. This trip is uninterrupted family time.

A message from Beomgyu is waiting for me when I wake up. We don’t usually send each other morning texts. I’m especially surprised when I open the message to find a shirtless mirror selfie. He’s just wearing swim trunks and has sent OOTD after the photo.

My heart starts beating wildly as I stare at his pecs. Why am I reacting like this about a photo of my best friend? I must be really lonely. When did Beomgyu get so confident? This new found boldness looks nice.

My mind wanders thinking about Yeonjun sending me a picture like that. I slap my forehead trying to beat the ridiculous thoughts away. He has a girlfriend. He’s never going to want to date me. I’m just bringing myself more pain thinking like this. How can I get over someone I never had a chance with?

Most of my day is spent practicing or trying to write new songs. Maybe getting my feelings out on paper will help me. I struggle to find the right tone for how I feel. By three I give up and decide to go outside to touch some grass.

Taehyun messages me and we hang out at the park for a few hours. It’s nice to hang out with someone who won’t spread rumors about me. He doesn’t mention Yeonjun once but he does talk about Beomgyu quite often. Maybe Beomgyu was wrong about his chance with him. Obviously, I don’t say anything about that but I think about it every time he says his name.

The next few days follow a similar schedule. Every morning Beomgyu sends me outfit pictures, with varying levels of clothing. Usually, he doesn’t talk to me for the rest of the day. Other than the occasional meme or song recommendation. I start sending him my outfits after the second one, but that's mostly sweatpants and hoodies. He has been active on social media. He doesn’t seem very happy from what he’s posting. From his posts it seems like the person he likes is really oblivious. He’s being a sad boy. I wonder if he was talking to his crush and something happened. I don’t know how to ask him without sounding nosey. I decide to message him a picture of a cat. It’s late so I wasn’t expecting him to answer, but he quickly does.

Beomie: that cat is cute

He’s my best friend. Shouldn’t I be able to just ask him questions? Why do I feel like I shouldn’t? I throw caution to the wind.

Soobin: are you okay? your twitter doesn’t seem so happy

He sends me a voice message instead of replying through text. I’m happy to hear his voice. It's been a few days and I kind of miss it.

“I’m okay. Just a little in my feelings because the only people I’ve been around are my parents.”

His voice sounds sleepy and that brings a smile to my face. I imagine him sitting alone in his hotel room. Knowing him it’s dark and he’s huddled under the covers.

“Your crush can’t be as oblivious as you say he is.” I record the voice message then listen to it once before sending it.

Beomie: trust me he is. it’s a little frustrating but he’s so cute he can get away with it

Soobin: i was hanging out with taehyun the other day and he kept mentioning you

Beomie: that’s interesting, but i’ve moved on. i might have a chance with my crush in a few months. i think he needs to figure out my feelings for himself

Beomgyu thinks it will take this guy a few months to see his feelings. How thick is this guy? Or is Beomgyu not as obvious as he thinks he is? Either way whoever it is will be lucky to have him.

Soobin: why does he need to figure it out himself if he’s so oblivious? why wouldn’t you just tell him

Beomie: he’s getting over someone right now and i don't want to be a rebound. i don’t want to rush him. a few moments with him have made it clear he has some kind of underlying feelings he isn’t sure about

I think of how we almost kissed and our habit of close cuddles. Thinking of him doing that with someone else leaves a strange feeling in my heart. He’s my best friend. It must be a protective feeling. I don’t want anyone to hurt him.

Soobin: that makes sense. i hope he figures it out soon and you two can be happy together

He doesn’t answer me for several minutes and I assume he’s fallen asleep. I try to fall asleep but my mind is full of Yeonjun once again. At this point I really wish I could get selective amnesia. Thinking about him only makes me feel like shit. It’s embarrassing how much I think about someone who literally won’t give me a second glance. I guess this is what I get for falling in love with someone who has never told me they aren’t straight.

Yeonjun’s newest instagram picture is a cute couples photo. I wish it was me, but that will never be me. At least not with him. Probably never at all. Why would someone want me? I fall for the wrong people.

Winter break seems like a million years. By the time we return to school not very many people are talking about me anymore. I’m thankful for the spotlight being taken off of me. Hopefully, I will never be in that situation again. I think I’ve learned my lesson. Living my life like a coming of age teen romance is not worth it.

With every passing day my feelings for Yeonjun are getting fainter. I unfollowed him on every social media platform and that helped a lot. I don’t check it obsessively anymore and I don’t look at them during the few classes we share.

He doesn’t speak to me and eventually I don’t care. Soon we’ll have to be friendly to get through the rest of the year, but for now this is what’s best. My first heartbreak without even a touch of anything special.

On Valentine’s day I’m home alone watching netflix when I decide to look up the bracelet Beomgyu got me for Christmas. He’s been really supportive in helping me get over Yeonjun. My best friend is really good at keeping me busy and distracted. I woke up last week and realized I didn’t care what Yeonjun was posting or even how he’s doing.

It only takes me a few minutes to find the bracelet after I realize what the brand is. I knew it was expensive but that’s not what shocks me. The meaning of the bracelet gives me an epiphany.

You are my most treasured person in the whole world.

Oh.

I’m Beomgyu’s crush. It all makes sense now. He made it so obvious and I never picked up on any of it. He is the first one to rush to my comfort. Beomgyu is the first person I tell everything to. He’s the one I want when I’m sad. I feel safe in his arms and he’s waited for me. He respected that I needed time to get over Yeonjun.

I’ve misconstrued my own feelings. That weird feeling I had during winter break was jealousy. I want to be the one with him. The wild reactions I had were because my body knew what I didn’t. I like my best friend and he likes me.

Without another thought I get dressed and grab my keys. Before I know it I’m sitting in Beomgyu’s driveway and I feel like I might puke. Why did I come here? I’m not bold enough to confess my feelings. What if I’ve got this all wrong? What if I’ve imagined this whole situation.

I get out of the car taking deep breaths as I walk up to the front door. Before I can knock, the door swings open to reveal my best friend. He looks concerned but that doesn’t mask the soft features of his face.

“Are you okay?” He asks, pulling me inside.

We take our shoes off and he shuts the door still waiting for my answer.

“I looked up this bracelet.” I blurt out looking into eyes hoping he’ll give something away. His eyes widen in panic. “It made me realize I’m the one who you like.”

“Yes, it’s you.” He takes a deep breath giving me a calm look. “You can’t imagine how frustrating this has been. It’s okay if you don’t feel the-”

“What are you saying?” I cut him off not wanting him to feel insecure for one more minute. I guess I owe him this after making him wait so long. “I like you too.”

I step closer to him, placing one hand on his cheek. He tilts his head up and I look into his stunning eyes. A second later I lean in pressing my lips to my best friend’s. His lips are just as soft as I always imagined. My anxiety melts away as fireworks shoot my body. I never thought I would feel that. I imagined it was something that only happened in movies.

“That was better than I imagined.” Beomgyu says a couple minutes later when we pull away from each other.

This is more awkward than I imagined. What am I supposed to do now? I came all the way here to confess my feelings and now we are just standing in the hallway.

“How long have you had a crush on me?”

“I think I realized my feelings in September.” He walks into the living room and I follow closely behind. “I knew if I waited you’d figure it out eventually.”

Beomgyu sits on the couch and he can’t stop smiling. I can’t imagine how relieved he must feel that I finally found out. I’m nervous about where this will lead us.

A part of me wonders if this is worth it. Of course, I want to act on my feelings. What I’m afraid of is what will be left if this doesn’t work out. Beomgyu is my best friend and I would be devastated to lose him as my friend.

I leave soon after I arrive with no solid path to where this leads. We shouldn’t take things too fast. I’m excited for the uncertainty of my future for once.

At home I scroll through photos of Beomgyu and I with a fluttery chest. Is he my person? How has this been sitting in front of me for years without me ever noticing?

Privately I’ve dreamed and planned dates I never thought would come to fruition. Now, I have a chance to be the boyfriend I’ve always wanted to be. Once I figure out how to cross that kind again. I don’t think this is going to be easy. Starting a new kind of relationship with him is definitely going to take some time and boundaries.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared.

Beomgyu is waiting by my locker when I get to school the next morning. He’s holding a muffin and I’m glad I decided to get us coffee. It was an internal struggle. I’m not sure why I was freaking out. Just because we’ve confessed to each other doesn’t mean we can’t do the same things we used to. I didn’t memorize his coffee order two years ago for nothing.

“Good morning, Soobin.” he says as I approach. I hand over his coffee and he smiles. “Thank you.”

“Good morning.” I say back feeling my worries melt away.

We stand next to my locker drinking our coffees for a moment before he speaks again. I’m surprised at how casual we can keep this with our feelings out in the open. We aren’t living in a fanfiction, I suppose. Not every moment can be easy and beautiful.

“Do you still want to come over on Friday?”

We are supposed to watch bootleg broadway and help each other find songs for spring concert auditions. Our feelings for each other shouldn’t make this different. Maybe it's just more interesting.

“Of course. I’m looking forward to it.”

The bell rings and I rush off to class. I can't stop daydreaming about Beomgyu. Knowing he likes me back makes it all the harder to focus. In the back of my mind I’m wondering if he’s just a replacement crush, but we have so much chemistry. We make sense.

By lunchtime I've already drafted a list of potential songs for spring auditions. I’m not sure I’ll be selected after what I pulled last time, but I have to try.

The next day in choir I arrive early and see the room is nearly empty except Yeonjun, Heather and a few freshmen. Quietly, I take my seat hoping no one will speak to me. I can hear Yeonjun and Heather talking in low voices.

“I don’t understand why you’re upset.” Yeonjun says, sitting back with his arms crossed. “I just said Frank Ocean is-”

“I don’t need to hear it again. Maybe you should spend some time thinking.” Heather says in the best fake caring voice I’ve ever heard.

She stands up swiftly flipping her hair over her shoulder. Heather walks towards her section and pulls out her phone. I bet her private story is about to hear about whatever Yeonjun did to piss her off.

“Soobin, do you need song recommendations?” Yeonjun says plopping himself in the chair next to me. “I heard Mr. Bang asked you to audition. He must love the drama.”

“I’ve already started a list.” I say slowly. “I’m going to try to keep it lowkey this time.”

He laughs and I'm able to keep my composure. Yeonjun hasn’t spoken to me past hello in awhile. I think I’d like to still be his friend, now that I’m over my silly little crush.

“I can’t wait to see what you come up with.”

I hate that his words still affect me even when I thought they wouldn’t. Thankfully I’m saved by our director starting class. Yeonjun moves away from me and I can see Beomgyu looking between the two of us.

On Thursday Yeonjun stops me as I’m walking to the parking lot. He looks different somehow but I can’t put my finger on it. Maybe he’s going through something.

“Soobin!” He calls and I turn around. Yeonjun is smiling wide with his hands shoved inside his hoodie pocket. “Do you have plans tomorrow night?”

Again my heart betrays me acting as if I still have feelings for him. Of course I don’t. I like Beomgyu and we are hanging out tomorrow. Who knows what we’ll actually end up doing, but I have to stick to my plans.

“I actually have plans with Beomgyu tomorrow.”

He looks a bit disappointed but continues anyway.

“Well if you two get bored, come by my place. My parents are out of town and my cousin has so graciously provided us with some beverages.”

I nod, giving a short goodbye before getting into my car.

I doubt Beomgyu and I will get bored but the idea of going to a party at Yeonjun’s house is extremely interesting. When did I start liking parties? Or do I just want an escape from the confusion and worry in my head.

I’m sure Beomgyu knows about the party but hasn’t mentioned it at all. Is he that excited to spend time alone with me? I’m scared of ruining our friendship even if I do want more. But there is no going back from here. We already confessed to each other and we can’t pretend that didn’t happen. I kissed him and it was wonderful.

Homework distracts me from my ever troubling boy problems for a few hours. Then I think about texting Beomgyu but think better of it. What if he thinks I’m clingy? What if he realizes he doesn’t like me how he thinks he does?

I record a few songs that were on my list, but I’m not satisfied. Yeonjun texts me with a list of songs he’d like to hear me sing and I can’t contain a squeal. I thought I was done with this shit.

I’m going to bed.

Friday morning I pack a variety of outfits for Beomgyu’s house with the plan to make him go to Yeonjun’s party. How will I achieve that? I have no idea. I’m sure it won’t be that hard.

Almost as soon as I arrived at school I’m dragged into a practice room. Beomgyu looks particularly cheery this morning. I have no idea why I’m in here with the door shut.

“Good morning.” He says before backing me against a wall.

He looks up at me, puts a hand lightly on the back of my neck and pulls me towards him. Soon we are making out in the practice room. I don’t know what’s gotten into him but I’m not complaining.

I flip us so Beomgyu’s back is against the wall and he gasps. His lips are soft and he tastes of mint. He knows exactly what to do to keep me wanting more. My hand has just made its way under his shirt when the door opens.

“Who’s in here so-” Yeonjun says and I quickly step away from Beomgyu. Yeonjun looks like he was just crying. “Oh my god I’m so sorry! I’ll go. I’m so sorry.”

Yeonjun has an expression I can’t quite read on his face as he rushes out of the practice room. I turn back towards Beomgyu and I think he’s a little upset we got interrupted.

“I’ll see you later.” I say patting Beomgyu’s shoulder before walking out of the practice room.

That was so awkward. Why did I pat his shoulder? We just made out for fifteen minutes! I don’t think that warrants friendly shoulder pats. Why was it Yeonjun of all people who caught us? That makes it feel weirder for some reason.

Everything would’ve been perfect if Yeonjun hadn’t decided to use that specific practice room this early in the morning. He never comes in this early. I wonder what he wanted to do. Maybe he’s worried about his spring solo. Technically he hasn’t gotten it yet but we all know how it goes. If you are the duo at the winter concert you both get solos at the spring concert. Unless you majorly fuck up.

Memories of Beomgyu’s lips all over mine fill my head until I see him again. He casually touches my thigh in choir before pulling away when someone looks over. Is he doing that for my sake?

No one has said anything about us making out in the practice room so I’m assuming Yeonjun didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t really think he would and I’m glad that I know him that well.

Choir is hard today. I’m distracted, still haven’t chosen a piece and the rest of my section is just not vibing together. I’m extremely grateful when lunch comes around.

Beomgyu and I sit at a table together and Taehyun joins us. We eat talking about music mostly and a little bit of gossip we’ve heard around school.

Once we’re finished Beomgyu leads me away from Taehyun. I vaguely wonder if he’s pulling me into a secluded part of the school so he can kiss me again. We end up in my car far away from anyone else.

For a moment I wish he’d talk to me but all that is forgotten when his lips are pressed against mine. His touch is so soft but he’s so toned. We don’t speak to one another until we are walking back into the building.

“Can we talk about this later?” I say knowing the bell will ring before we can finish the conversation.

He doesn’t look confused and nods before walking faster towards his classroom. I’m not sure exactly what I’m going to say but at least I have a few hours to think about it.

As much as I like kissing him it feels rushed. It’s hardly been any time since we confessed to each other. I’m still trying to work through whether or not I want to pursue this relationship. It seemed like such a good idea a few days ago but now I’m worried. What happens if we break up? Our friendship could never recover from that. Beomgyu has spent so long pining after me. How could we go back to what we had before I knew?

Beomgyu is bouncing his leg once we settle into the car. I start the car keeping my music playing quietly. We start driving towards his house and he starts speaking before I can say anything.

“I’m sorry for jumping on you like that. I’ve waited so long to be able to kiss you like that and I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. I genuinely like you so much. More than I can even explain.”

Nothing like this has ever happened. I didn’t think Beomgyu would want to kiss me in every spare moment. He doesn’t talk about his past romantic endeavors and he doesn’t strike me as someone who is so forward. Though he did give painfully obvious hints to me for months before I realized his feelings. He’s always seemed like someone who would want to define the relationship before making out in a practice room.

“I’m just a little surprised. I thought we would do things more slowly.” I keep my eyes on the road. I’m not sure I can handle looking at him. “Diving straight into making out in the practice room was a little overwhelming.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. We’ve cuddled so many times and are so physically close I thought it wouldn’t be that drastic. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

I don’t know what to say so I turn the music up and sing. He joins me with a wary look on his face and soon we are back to normal. Well almost. I guess there is always going to be a little tension now that we’ve confessed.

We arrive at Beomgyu’s house and he insists on carrying my bag to his room. I make myself at home on his bed and start scrolling through twitter. I don’t see anything too interesting. A few people have posted a flyer for Yeonjun’s party telling their followers to hit them up for the address. Yeonjun only lives a few streets over from Beomgyu. We could walk over there without getting caught.

“What are we going to watch?” I ask, smiling.

I do want to keep kissing him but I’m still not sure about all my feelings. Why am I suddenly thinking about Yeonjun so much? I know it was only two months but I thought my feelings had finally drifted away. Now he’s speaking to me again and I’m not so sure. I really like Beomgyu and want to be with him but it’s not fair if my heart isn’t fully for him.

“Your pick.” He flops onto the bed handing me the remote.

I choose randomly without caring what is playing. We sit stiffly next for the first half of the play. I think he’s afraid of making the first move now. The one time I’m vocal.

Beomgyu puts his arm around me when I lean my head against his shoulder. Several minutes later he kisses the crown of my head then coughs. My face flushes and he seems embarrassed.

A while later Beomgyu’s head is on my chest and my fingers are carding through his hair. We are both on our phones not really paying attention.

“Do you want to go to Yeonjun’s party?” I ask after seeing a story from another junior. “It looks lit.”

I put my phone in front of his face and replay the story. He sits up and looks back at me for a moment before jumping out of bed.

Beomgyu’s parents are already asleep so we’ll have no trouble leaving. My parents will never know and we’ll have a fun night.

“Let’s get ready!” He says immediately removing his shirt.

For a moment I’m distracted by Beomgyu’s abs. I walk towards him and rest my hand on his stomach. He doesn’t stop me looking up at me. We just had a conversation about this but I can’t help myself.

We look into each other’s eyes for a moment before I lean down with my eyes closed. Our lips come together and my hands slide to his bare back. His skin is so soft. I wonder what lotion he uses. It’s several minutes before I pull away.

“Maybe we should get ready before we get ahead of ourselves.”

Beomgyu gives me a cheeky smile like he’s pleased I can’t keep my hands off him. He turns around to continue getting dressed. I pull out the outfit I planned for the party and put it on quickly.

We leave the light on and a movie playing just in case his parents wake up. Beomgyu and I walk through the back door and into the back yard. We sprint around the side of the house only slowing down when we can no longer see his house.

Beomgyu pulls something out of his pocket and hands it to me. A shooter of Fireball. He pulls me behind a bush and twists open the bottle.

“Where did you even get these?” I question knowing he’s not going to tell me.

“Don’t worry about it, Soobin.”

I twist open the shooter and we tap them together before downing them. I cringe at the taste but Beomgyu takes it like a champ. He takes the bottle back from me and puts it back in his pocket.

My hand brushes his as we walk down the street only illuminated by street lamps. I grab his hand and weave my fingers through his. I steal a glance towards him and he’s smiling.

We can hear music getting louder as we approach Yeonjun’s house. I drop Beomgyu’s hand as we walk in together. The front door is wide open and people are spilling out onto the lawn.

“BEOMGYU CHOI!” Someone yells as soon as we’ve stepped inside.

Swiftly Beomgyu is taken away by a group of girls with a confused look on his face. I sigh, deciding the kitchen will probably be less populated. I walk into the kitchen and make myself a drink in a red solo cup. I take a sip and it’s a little too strong but I’ll just deal with it.

Through the back door I can see people hanging out in the backyard. I step outside looking for Yeonjun and after a few minutes I see him sitting alone on a bench. He’s on the far side of the backyard with his back to me. Yeonjun is mostly out of view unless you’re at the right angle. Slowly, I make my way through the crowd of people wondering why he’s alone at his own party.

“Junie?” I say sitting beside him on the bench.

He’s wearing blue jeans and a slightly cropped red shirt. I can see just a little bit of his toned stomach poking out. He looks up at me and just like this morning he seems different. Maybe this time it’s because he’s intoxicated?

“Soobin!” He instantly perks up when he realizes who sat beside him. “You made it!”

“Yeah, someone took Beomgyu as soon as we got here so I came looking for you.” I say taking another gulp of my drink trying not to cringe. “Why are you sitting out here all by yourself?”

“Usually I would beat around the bush but I have no energy for that right now.” He stares off in front of him and takes a sip of his beer. “Heather broke up with me yesterday because she thinks my heart lies somewhere else.”

He glances back at me to gauge my reaction and I feel stupid hope running through my body. Why am I suddenly getting butterflies like him being single means he could be mine? I’m worried about Yeonjun because he seems quite upset but I can’t be delusional.

“Somewhere else as in with another person?”

“Yeah you could say that.” His eyes don’t leave mine and I’m wondering if he means something by that.

I chug my drink thinking I’ll need a boost of confidence to stay here with my confusing feelings any longer. Somehow I don’t choke and Yeonjun laughs.

“Let’s go have some fun and forget about Heather!” I stand holding a hand out for him to grab. “I’ll even tell you what song I’m thinking about choosing if I get a solo again. If I have a good night.”

He looks intrigued by my offer and takes my hand. I pull him up and drag him inside where he offers to make us both drinks.

We enter the living room and we start dancing with drinks in hand. Yeonjun doesn't seem to care about anyone’s opinions right now. He’s vibing to the music and it makes my heart flutter watching him let loose.

An hour and a half later Yeonjun and I are giggling and stumbling back to the bench outside. We set our drinks on the ground even though they will probably fall over. Our thighs are touching and my heart is pounding.

“Let’s play a game. We ask questions and if you don’t want to answer you drink.” Yeonjun says continuing to stare forward.

“Okay. You go first.” I say picking my drink up.

“Are you dating Beomgyu?”

Why is this the first question he wants to know? I get that everyone is nosey and he saw us kissing but that doesn’t necessarily mean we are dating. Beomgyu and I do spend a lot of time together. I guess it would be easy to jump to that conclusion.

“He likes me a lot and I like him but I’m afraid of ruining my friendship with him. We confessed to each other and obviously you saw us kiss but I’m still not sure.” I say sipping my drink. “Is this other girl in your class? The one your heart lies with.”

“Soobin I’m bisexual.” He looks terrified to have just said that out loud.

“Thank you for feeling comfortable to share that with me. I’m proud of you.” I rush to assure him that I accept him.

I’m sure he had no question that I would. I wrote the man a whole goddamn song. For years I’ve hoped he would say this to me and while more hope is rushing to my head, I just want to make sure he’s okay.

“How did you get so perfect?” He mutters so softly I’m almost not sure what I heard.

“What?”

He turns to me, placing a hand on my shoulder. I look into his dark eyes wondering if he’ll say it louder.

“You know what to say to make people feel safe. You’ve inspired me to be myself and made me realize that I didn’t really want Heather. I wanted you but I was too afraid to process those feelings.” Yeonjun puts a hand on the side of my neck. “My heart lies with you, Soobin.”

“I’ve been waiting so long to hear those words.”

Truly I’ve been waiting for this for years and now that it’s actually happening I'm not sure how to react. I convinced myself I was over him but I wouldn’t be so conflicted right now if that was true. A part of me wants to jump into his arms and promise to be his and another part of me is wondering where my best friend is.

“Can I kiss you?” He asks and I’m afraid my heart might explode if I move.

I manage to nod my head and I feel like I’m in a movie. The guy I’ve had a crush on for years is finally kissing me while we’re drunk at his party. This isn’t how I’d imagined it, but that makes it more memorable.

His lips are sweet from the juice in our drinks. Yeonjun pulls me closer and it’s so different from kissing Beomgyu. This feels thrilling and foreign but so right. I could’ve stayed there for the rest of the night kissing him.

“Soobin? Taehyun said he saw you over-” Beomgyu’s voice pulls me away from Yeonjun and I can see tears beginning to brim at his eyes. “Oh.”

Before I can say anything Beomgyu runs off into the crowd of people. I get up looking back at Yeonjun trying to make some kind of decision. I can’t make any definite decisions right now.

“I need to go after him. If something happens I’ll never forgive myself.”

Yeonjun nods slowly and I run off desperately trying to find Beomgyu. I search the backyard before going inside.

“Have any of you seen Beomgyu?” I ask loudly and most of them shrug.

“I think he left.” A senior, who’s name I can’t remember, replies.

“Thank you.” I say as I sprint through the house.

I slow to a walk looking in the brushes for him thinking he wouldn’t have gone all the way home. I don’t find him and I’m beginning to panic. He must’ve gone all the way home.

Once around the back of Beomgyu’s house I see him sitting in the grass. His head is tilted back looking at the stars. I’ve fucked up so badly.

“Please go back to the party.” Beomgyu says coldly without turning around. I get down on my knees beside him but he refuses to look at me. “You obviously have some leftover feelings for Yeonjun. He finally wants you and I don’t want to stand in the way of that. Figure yourself out before you lose two people you care about.”

“Beomgyu, I’m so sorry.”

He doesn’t say anything for a minute and he looks sad when he finally meets my eyes.

“Please figure this out. I’m tired of feeling like this is an unattainable crush that’s only going to end in heartbreak. If you need to be with him I won’t hold it against you, but I can’t be around you right now.”

Beomgyu gets up and walks away before I can say anything else. I sit there for several minutes trying to process what the fuck is going on. Beomgyu comes back out with my bag and plops it down beside me.

“If it’s an emergency call me, but otherwise don’t call me until you have your feelings for me straight.”

He walks back into the house and I stand up collecting my bag. I walk back to Yeonjun’s house wondering what the hell I’m supposed to do.

Yeonjun finds me as soon as I walk into the house and when he sees I have a bag he steers me towards his room. He turns on the light and shuts the door behind himself. I sit on the corner of his bed and let out a big breath.

“Binnie, are you okay?” He asks, taking a seat next to me and putting a hand between my shoulder blades.

“Beomgyu told me he doesn’t want to talk to me until I figure myself out. I feel like I was dumped even though we weren’t dating. Can we just dance?”

I stand up ready to leave the room when Yeonjun pulls me into a hug. He must’ve known just what I needed. My heart is beating wildly but it feels so comforting to be in his arms engulfed in the cologne I told his ex about.

“We can dance our hearts out or play a game. Whatever you want.”

Yeonjun holds my hand as we walk out of his room back to the kitchen. He pours two shots then looks around to see if anyone else wants one. A few people come over so he pours more. He lifts it up and cheers,

“To friends and lovers fuck the others.” Yeonjun shouts and we cheer back.

I tap my shot on the counter before throwing it down my throat. We run outside and dance under the stars until hardly anyone is left.

In the morning I wake up confused. Where am I? This isn’t Beomgyu’s room. This place smells like Yeonjun. The memories of what Beomgyu said to me come rushing back but not much after that.

Slowly I get out of Yeonjun’s bed feeling a little sore and my heart is pounding. What did we do? I walk into the bathroom attached to his room and gasp when I see myself in the mirror. My hair is mussed and my neck and collarbones are covered in hickeys. I’m only wearing a pair of boxers and I suddenly feel insecure. I can’t remember what we did and I’m terrified of that. Why did I stay here? The first time I black out and who knows what I did!

“Soobin, are you okay?” Yeonjun calls from his bed.

I walk back into the room and his eyes widen as he looks at my body in the daylight. Quickly, I stoop down to retrieve a shirt then sit on the edge of the bed.

Yeonjun lets the blanket fall from his chest and I see I got him just as good as he got me. Somehow that makes me less worried about whatever we did. It’s hot knowing I’m the one that did that to him.

“I don’t remember anything after I came back.” I say crawling up the bed to sit beside Yeonjun.

“Neither do I, but it looks like we had fun.” He takes my hand tracing his thumb over the back of my hand.

“My parents are going to kill me if they see this.” I say trying not to freak out. “I’ve never really done something like whatever we did.”

I want to pull my hand away but I don’t. His touch is comforting me in this very vulnerable moment. He doesn’t say anything for a moment but he looks surprised.

“Let’s try to not let ourselves get into another situation like that.” He tilts my head so I look into his eyes. “I’d rather cherish and remember every moment I spend with you.”

He knows how to keep my stomach fluttering like he’s constantly confessing to me for the first time. Everything about this is scary, but it’s so exciting.

“Let’s eat breakfast.” I say standing up to look for my clothes. “I can’t leave until Beomgyu’s parents go to work anyways.”

Yeonjun and I walk to the kitchen together. Taehyun and two seniors are still here. I know the seniors are close to Yeonjun.

The house is a wreck with cups and cans thrown all over the place. A table in the living room is flipped over. We’ll have our work cut out for us cleaning up.

“Yeonjun on breakfast duty with Yongsoo. The rest of us can start cleaning up.” Taehyun says grabbing trash bags from under the sink.

Afterwards, he steers me outside and I know he’s about to ask me a million questions. Throwing myself into the trees doesn’t seem like a bad idea right now.

“I’m not going to answer any questions about what happened because I can’t remember.” I say picking up a few cans.

His mouth falls open and he quickly shuts it. For a moment he quietly picks up trash.

“I woke up and I heard giggling coming from Yeonjun’s room. I peeked into the room just to make sure everything was okay. I really think you just kissed a lot.” I can feel my face heat up thinking of Taehyun seeing me kissing Yeonjun nearly naked. “I personally don’t think anything more than touches happened from what I could hear after stepping away from the door.”

“Honestly, that makes me feel a little better. Even if I’m a little embarrassed you saw that.”

“You’ve really got two of the best guys at our school pining after you. I wouldn’t want to be in your position. Though it seems like someone has caught you for now.”

Taehyun pokes my neck before walking away to gather more trash. How am I going to hide this from my parents? I’m so lucky it’s winter. I wonder if Yeonjun has a turtleneck I could borrow.

“I don’t know what to do. Beomgyu isn’t going to speak to me until I figure myself out. I’m afraid of losing him as everything, but it’s so exhilarating just being around Jun.”

He shakes his bag looking for more trash. He’s debating whether or not he should say something.

“Yeonjun is sexy, charismatic and seems like the kind of guy that makes every moment feel brand new but only for so long. Beomgyu seems long term. He’s obviously the person you trust and cherish most, which is why you are so scared.” Taehyun looks at me while he speaks and I wonder where he found this wisdom. “But I’m not you. Give it a few weeks.”

Part of me is mad that he’s perceiving my relationships when we aren’t even that close. The other part of me knows that he’s right. The bracelet on my wrist shows just how deeply Beomgyu’s feelings for me run. That doesn’t make me less scared and maybe that’s why I’m doing this.

For so long I’ve wanted to be the one Yeonjun can’t stop thinking about. I don’t think I was ever truly over him, just distracted. Of course, I want to pursue this but is it worth losing contact with my best friend?

“Breakfast is ready!” Yeonjun calls out the back door.

We sit down and slip into comfortable conversation as we eat. No one mentions the state of our necks and I’m thankful. My head is pounding and I just want to go to bed.

“Can I borrow a scarf?” I ask Yeonjun after we’ve cleaned everything up. The others left a little while ago. “My parents will not be okay with this.”

“I wish I could remember giving them to you.”

He leans close to me, opening a drawer filled with scarves and belts. I choose one that vaguely matched my outfit and wrap it around my neck.

I turn around and grab his hips. Looking down on him I have the perfect view of his eyes. They have gone wide like he didn’t expect me to grab him. I lean down and press a soft kiss on his forehead. He sputters and hides his face in my chest. I hug him closely.

“I have to go but I’ll text you later, okay?” I say putting a finger under his chin.

“Okay.” He says softly.

This Yeonjun is so different from the bold version I’ve come to adore over the years. He looks almost innocent here. I can’t wait to come to know him more intimately.

Chastely I kiss him before gathering my things and beginning the walk to Beomgyu’s house. I don’t know what I’m going to do about this situation.

I’m a little disappointed when Beomgyu doesn’t come outside. Then I realize my keys aren’t in my bag. I look on the front porch before texting Beomgyu.

Soobin: i think my keys are still inside…

Beomie: i’ll bring them down.

He doesn’t say a word to me as he hands me my keys. His face is puffy and it looks like he’s been crying recently. My heart drops thinking I’ve caused this.

“Do we really have to not talk to each other?” I ask before he reaches the front door.

“Soobin,” He turns around and sighs. “Please realize that seeing you kissing someone else is hard for me. I need some time by myself. I know we aren’t dating but I just thought…”

He looks frustrated and I can understand. I’d probably react the same if I saw him making out with someone.

“I didn’t expect any of this to happen. I’m sorry for any-”

Cold wind pulls the scarf away from my neck and I quickly readjust. But it’s too late he’s already seen. His face drops and it’s almost as if I can hear his heart breaking.

“I’m going inside.” He manages his voice so nearly cracking. “It looks like you had fun.”

“We didn’t…” I don’t know how to say this. Beomgyu opens the front door only stopping when I continue. “I can’t even remember what happened, but I’m sure it wasn’t that.”

“It makes no difference to me what you are doing with him.” He says through gritted teeth before walking inside and slamming the door.

I’m surprised I don’t cry when I get in my car. The whole way home I don’t turn on any music. I collapse on my bed as soon as I arrive home. Where I do cry because I feel bad. Why am I in this situation? What’s so great about me?

Once I’m done feeling sorry for myself I do all the homework I’ve been neglecting. Afterwards I take a shower and change into a turtleneck. Just in case my parents decide to barge into my room.

I’m down to two songs for my audition on Tuesday. I can't decide so I practice them equally. I want another solo so bad. I wish I could write another song. I hope Mr. Bang won't be disappointed that there won’t be so much drama this time.

Yeonjun☺️: binnie! do you want to see a movie with me? there’s a movie i think you’d like that has a showing at 7

It’s just past six when he messages me. Is he asking me on a date? Even after everything that’s happened in the last 24 hours I didn’t think he’d ask me on a date.

Soobin: that sounds fun!

Yeonjun☺️: okay i’ll pick you up. see you soon 💛

I rush to put on my cutest outfit and pair it with the scarf I borrowed from Yeonjun. After fixing my hair and applying chapstick I go downstairs.

“Where are you going?” My mother asks, looking up from the drama she was watching.

“I have plans to see a movie with one of my friends. I finished all my homework.”

“Okay.” She says with a smile. ”Be home before midnight or call me if your plans change.”

Quickly, I go outside before my mom can change her mind. Yeonjun shows up a few minutes later looking like those threads stan accounts tweet. The ones where the celebrity is in everyday clothes. Boyfriend looks. The sweet aura that makes my heart flutter.

He fidgets with his hair as I get into the car. Yeonjun is also wearing a scarf to cover what I did to his neck.

“Hi, how are you?”

This is so much more awkward then we usually are with each other. I answer him then he turns the music up and we don’t say another word until we get to the theater.

He buys the tickets and I buy the snacks and we head into our theater. Yeonjun’s hand inches closer to me throughout the movie before he finally takes my hand in his.

The movie is exactly the kind I like and I’m surprised he knew. He smiles at me while we walk back to the car. I’m ranting about a specific scene and how I would have done something completely different in that situation.

“Where are we going?” I ask several minutes later when I realize we aren’t on the way home.

“I thought we could go for a drive.”

Yeonjun puts on my playlist and we sing together. We are driving down the highway with no light around us and I’m wondering how many other people he's done this with. How many times has Heather sat in this seat wondering where they were going? I wanted to be Heather so bad and now here I am with my chance. It doesn’t feel like I thought it would.

Do I like these moments because they are with Yeonjun or because they are happening at all? Is there some part of me that just wants to be in a relationship and has romanticised him?

For a while we drive until we arrive at an empty field. He takes my hand and we walk until we are close to the middle. He lies down on the grass and looks up at the stars.

I join him, feeling the heat of his body next to mine. Our hands brush against each other and I intertwine our fingers.

“How many people have you dated?” Yeonjun asks several minutes later.

“I’ve never dated anyone seriously. I had a girlfriend in middle school but I don’t think that counts. I’ve only kissed a few people.”

“Oh. I guess it’d be hard to find someone at our school.”

He couldn’t be more right. Why would someone come out when they saw what happened to me? If they weren’t scared of Yeonjun I’d probably still be getting hateful comments.

“And you? I know you dated Yeji and Heather obviously.”

He sighs like he doesn’t want to talk about this, but he’s the one who brought it up in the first place.

“They are the only ones I’ve actually dated. I’ve hooked up with a few more people.”

My heart sinks thinking of how inexperienced I am in comparison. How am I supposed to compare when the most sexual thing I’ve ever done I don’t even remember?

“Were any of them boys?” I ask without thinking.

He rolls onto his side and props his head up on his hand. His eyes are shining in the moonlight and he’s smiling widely.

“I think we have about the same experience with boys. I kissed one other boy at summer camp.”

It’s reassuring to know he’s new to experiences with guys. If we ever get that far maybe it won’t be so anxiety inducing. But maybe any experience like that with someone as hot as him would be scary.

Yeonjun’s phone buzzes in his pocket and he takes it out. I take mine out as well and look through snapchat stories. Beomgyu’s name appears first and he’s at a bonfire making it look like he’s having the time of his life. I say it that way because I doubt he’s actually having the time of his life.

“Do you want to go?” I ask looking down on him with his phone screen illuminating his face.

“Only if you want to.”

I pull him off the ground and we walk back to the car hand in hand. As much as this is fun I want to make sure Beomgyu is okay. Even if it’s unlikely he’ll talk to me at all.

The party is in full swing when we arrive. We are handed drinks as soon as we enter and Yeonjun is whisked off by his friend. Suddenly, I’m lonely in a room full of people.

I scan the room looking for anyone to talk to you. Beomgyu is standing in the corner laughing with Taehyun. His face is red and he’s wearing the present I got him for Christmas. We lock eyes from across the room and his face falls before he turns his back on me. Then he kisses Taehyun and I chug my drink feeling it burn the whole way down.

Where is Yeonjun? I need to get away from my friends making out in the corner. I hope he’s just doing it to spite me, but part of me wonders if he’s using Taehyun to forget about me.

I make my way to the kitchen for another drink and spot Yeonjun outside. He’s rubbing his friend’s back speaking to him with a sad expression on his face.

Yeonjun looks into my eyes and has someone else take his place next to his friend. He comes inside and puts an arm around my waist.

“I’m sorry my friend is going through something and needed to talk to me.”

Suddenly, I don’t want to be here at all. Why am I here? Do I even like parties?

“It’s okay, but I think I’m just going to go home.”

I take Yeonjun’s hand off my waist and start to walk away. He pulls me back and instead of a heart swoop I just feel annoyed. His well groomed brows are pulled together.

“Are you sure? I was having such a good time with you.”

I put on a brave face so that he’ll leave me alone without worrying. His hand is still around my wrist and I can smell his cologne.

“Just have to get back before curfew. I’ll text you later.”

He tries to kiss me but I turn my head. Yeonjun lets me go without another word. I walk two miles home in the dark, but it’s better than watching my best friend make out with Taehyun. I have no right to be upset about it but of course I am.

If I really like Yeonjun as much as I say I do, why is Beomgyu affecting me so much? All my thoughts come back to Beomgyu. I can’t be with Yeonjun for a minute without wondering how many other people he’s done the same thing with.

Beomgyu is the person I trust most in this world. We’ve been friends for years and he makes me feel so safe. I feel like I’ve made a huge mistake and I just hope I can make it up to him.

When auditions roll around everyone is on edge wondering who will get the solos. I decide to sing Fools by Troye Sivan for my audition. Beomgyu sits three seats away from me as we watch the others perform. Heather sings Just a Little Bit of Your Heart by Ariana Grande and Yeonjun rolls his eyes.

I focus on Yeonjun when it’s finally my turn to perform. I am a fool to think this could’ve worked between us. We are too different and this was all just a fantasy.

After my performance Yeonjun steps on the stage and sings Home by One Direction with his full heart while looking straight at me. Yeonjun isn’t my home.

Beomgyu is like my light, sun and every other comforting word you can think of. He makes me want to be better and he’s the first person I want to tell about every achievement. Beomgyu is my home.

When Beomgyu steps up on stage for the last audition I’m on the edge of my seat. No one has told me what he decided to sing.

The first notes of Yellow by Coldplay fill my ears and my heart swells. He smiles while he looks into my eyes telling me that this is for me. He sings so beautifully I’m nearly in tears at the end.

Before I can compliment Beomgyu, Yeonjun drags me away. We are backstage in the green room with other students close enough to hear us.

“That was some song choice, Soobin.” Yeonjun says, sitting down on the piano bench with crossed arms.

“I’m sorry I was trying to figure out the best way to say this.” I pause looking away from his eyes. “I don’t think this was ever going to work out.”

“What? You meant it?”

There is no trace of happiness left on his beautiful face. He’s staring straight at me like that might fix this. Of course, that’s not the case and it pains me to do this.

“I think I was in love with the idea of being with you. Not actually in love with you.”

He puts his face into his hands and laughs. There is no humor in the laugh, just a sad bark.

“I can’t believe this happened to me twice in one year. Heather figured out I liked you and then admitted she just wanted a relationship not specifically one with me. Of course, I’m not worth actually being in love with. I’m just a fucking placeholder until college. A fucking convenience.”

When he lifts his head I can see tears streaming down his face. My heart hurts that I’ve made another person feel this way. This is a situation I never thought I’d be in.

“There is someone out there for you. They just probably aren’t here and I’m sorry for hurting you. I wish I could’ve realized my true feelings earlier and saved you this pain.”

“I can’t wait to graduate and get the hell out of here.” He mutters putting his head back in his hands. “Go apologize to Beomgyu. My pain shouldn’t be for nothing.”

Mr. Bang has already finished by the time I walk back into the auditorium. Beomgyu has already left so I walk to my car.

I don’t see him in the parking lot so I go home and begin working on his birthday present. On my way home I have a brilliant over the top idea that I won’t have to spend any money on.

As much as I miss Beomgyu I think waiting until his birthday will give us a good amount of time to think. I still need a few days to process the hell of this weekend.

At 12am I message him. This is the first time I’ve spoken to him all week and part of me is scared he won’t answer me.

Soobin: happy birthday beomgyu! thank you for being beside me in every endeavor even when i’m being an idiot. you are the most special person in my life and i hope we can celebrate together 💖

The morning of Beomgyu’s birthday I show up to school with a gift basket and wait by his locker. I have an apology ready in my mind. Beomgyu sees me waiting and a smile creeps onto his face. He’s wearing a hoodie and skinny jeans. Everything about him is perfect.

“Happy birthday, Beomie.” I say as soon as he’s close enough.

“Thank you.”

Beomgyu takes the basket and puts it inside his locker before pulling me off to a remote corner of the school. My heart is pounding and at this moment I wish he was about to pounce me.

“I’m sorry for what I put you through for the last week. I needed time to figure out my feelings and thankfully it didn’t take that long.” He doesn’t say anything so I continue. “I had made up a version of him that didn’t feel the same when I was really there. You make my heart sing and feel safe at the same time. You are my home and I want to be your boyfriend. But we can make that official tomorrow so our anniversary isn’t your birthday.”

I feel like I’m just ranting by this point Beomgyu throws himself into my arms. I wrap him in my arms tight like I’m afraid he might slip away.

“I want to be your boyfriend too.” He replies, tilting his head to look at me. “Can we kiss?”

I lean into his lips and feel fireworks. Just like I should when I’m with someone I love. We are clinging to each other like it’s been years rather than a week since we last kissed. His hand has just slid up my shirt when the bell rings and he whines.

“We can do more of that later.” I whisper with a finger under his chin.

Feeling bold I wink before running away from him laughing. I ride the high of having my best friend back all day. Even seeing how sad Yeonjun looks can’t stop the happiness I’m feeling.

After school Beomgyu and I drive to his house where I’m going to show him what I made for him. His parents have given us uninterrupted access to the huge tv in the living room. They set up my present before we arrived.

We sit on the couch and I hit play. A slideshow of pictures of Beomgyu and I over the years starts playing while I sing You and Me by Lifehouse over the slideshow. It took me several tries to record this and even longer to edit the photos and videos together. There were a lot more than I thought.

When the video is over Beomgyu straddles me and kisses my face everywhere. Afterwards he hugs me and I think I’ll never get enough of this. How could it possibly be anyone else? How was I so naive and blinded by Yeonjun? Of course it’s Beomgyu.

My love for Beomgyu is so pure and I can’t imagine how I ever missed all the signs. We can get through any challenges life throws at us together. Heather doesn’t matter and it’s hard for me to believe how strongly I felt just a few months ago. I don’t need to be Heather so someone will love me. I just need to be Soobin. All I can do is be the best Soobin the world has ever known. Luckily, I get to do that with Beomgyu by my side.

#fanfiction #txt fanfic #txt fanfiction #txt #tomorrow x together #choi soobin #choi beomgyu #soogyu #choi yeonjun #yeonbin

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soultek · 1 year

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I Told You So: A Concept

Author’s Note: <to the tune of 7/22 by Taylor Edwards> It’s my birthday and I’ll post my Ronnie Peterson concept if I want to!

Hi, ADCU fans! Welcome to the first of a few concepts I’ve written for you! Ronnie is my favourite, so of course, he gets to go first!

My concepts are essentially single scenes from a much larger fic in my head, that introduce you to the relationship, and the love interest...

I hope you enjoy this one! 💙💜

Word Count: 3,567

Warning: None

Concept: Lovers to strangers to lovers.

Having moved back to the small town where she grew up, Araya does not expect to come face to face with ex Ronnie Peterson, now all grown up himself. Given the circumstances they broke up in, it’s understandable that he doesn’t want her around - but that’s the thing about a small town, it’s damn near unavoidable... In truth he still has feelings for her. But he’ll be damned if he walks down that road again, what if it ends worse than the first time?

Takes place pre-film by at least a few years.

Playlist: Available on Spotify!

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When I was gonna be your forever You were gonna be my wife But you went off to find better And I was learning all about life But I was what you wanted and you were what I needed And we could meet in between We were gonna be the greatest love story this town had ever seen

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Suppose I called you up tonight And told you that I loved you And suppose I said I wanna come back home And suppose I cried and said I think I finally learned my lesson And I'm tired of spending all my time alone If I told you that I realize you're all I ever wanted And it's killing me to be so far away Would you tell me that you love me too And would we cry together Or would you simply laugh at me and say...

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Let me guess, you miss me, you're sorry Too bad it's too little too late Don't make me say, don't make me say... I don't wanna be right this time But you made a fool of me And you're not gonna fool me twice It's almost like I... I told you so, I told you I let you know, if you let go Find someone else to hold you Just walk away, don't make me say The only words I owe you

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It had been more than a few months, and he still wasn’t used to her being back in town yet. Life had passed fairly aimlessly; everything had been so day to day before then. He hadn’t needed to worry about anything – save the occasional bit of really serious police work. But now Ronnie Peterson felt like he had to be on alert everywhere he went, on the very likely chance that he’d have to find a creative way to avoid her.

Seemed he still had a thing or two to learn about breaking up in a small town. Uh— being broken up with in a small town. He hadn’t had to worry about her since she went to college. Was almost definitely over her by now.

Except that wasn’t the case, was it?

And now he was just trying to get coffee before work and there she was, once again sitting in the diner. It made him hesitate, made him think twice. Maybe he could just wait and get to work. Maybe he could actually make it through this morning without a caffeine fix.

Except he was already out of his car and half way to the door – standing in the middle of the parking lot with his hands on his hips, staring at her through the window… and he could kick himself. Clearing his throat and closing his eyes, Ronnie focused back on the concreate, shaking his head. ‘Okay. Just… get in, order coffee, get out.’ Heading for the entrance he reasoned with himself; Where else could she go? The previous owners of the house had left it in need of repair and TLC – and the old flower shop attached, once belonging to her mother, hadn’t been open for years. There was a lot of work to do, and that meant a lot of workmen in and out. All the needed planning and preparation on her part had to be done somewhere - and even with the frequency of visitors the diner got, it would still be a damn sight quieter than home would have been for her.

Fern greeted him warmly, as ever. She didn’t even need to ask his order – Ronnie never changed it. Sometimes he thought about it, but setting that in motion hadn’t quite occurred yet. It certainly wasn’t going to be today, given how occupied his mind currently was on… other things. It was almost impossible not to glance over to her – pouring over notebooks and documents, head propped up on one hand, pencil absentmindedly tapping the page as she tried to make sense of it all. She hadn’t noticed him yet, if she knew he was here Ronnie knew she’d be doing the same thing he was. Glancing quickly became staring, until Fern’s next question interrupted him. “You taking some for the station?” “Uh…” He had to fight to drag his own eyeline back to Fern as he answered, slower than he’d like to admit. “I mean, I didn’t think about it, but I guess I could call them…” “Hey, don’t worry about it. It’s pretty early, I mean they might not even be there, right?” “Y-Yeah… right…” Fern watched as, sensing he was no longer needed to answer her questions, Ronnie’s gaze wandered back to the woman sitting in the corner. Araya Monaghan had hardly aged a day since the times her and Ronnie had been high-school-smitten with each other – still looking like a sweet small town girl, despite her move to the big city more than just a few years back. She had returned to Centerville now, though. Fern almost rolled her eyes at him. She has observed Ronnie do this more than just once or twice over the past few weeks – how he would always immediately survey the diner to see if she was here, and then stare. Even if he was also fighting with himself; and Fern could tell Ronnie was most definitely fighting himself. It was about time she took things into her own hands.

“Didn’t you guys break up?” “Huh?” Concentration once again broken, Ronnie turned back, not entirely sure he’d heard that right. Or, maybe hoping he wouldn’t have to go through this yet again with someone in this town. “You broke up, right?” Oh yeah, he’d heard right. Unfortunately. “Oh. Yeah, that was…” Fern couldn’t help but smile knowingly as he went right back to staring at Araya, answer quiet, “a long while ago.” He was silently begging her to drop the conversation, but that wasn’t part of her plan, so Fern continued. “But you still like her.” Ronnie wasn’t sure that he liked the tone sounding more statement than question. He pretended to muse hard on it. Part of him still really hurt – part of him still twisted up seeing Araya back here after so long; like just after he’d got it together she had to move back just to wreck everything? She couldn’t get away with that. Not after breaking his heart. Not how she’d done it.

And yet… yes, he did look at her now and at least partially long for her back – if he was honest with himself (which, he didn’t want to be), Ronnie nearly always had. Therefore, when he responded with “Hmmm… well…” despite his trail off, he nodded; but it almost seemed absentminded, like he hadn’t quite admitted it yet. As his attention was still on her, this time Fern’s eyes flicked over too, “Well, she clearly still likes you a whole lot too.” They were almost as bad at each other for staring. The only reason it wasn’t happening right now was because she hadn’t looked up yet.

This, Ronnie knew. Despite Araya’s initial shock that he was still in town, she now looked at him in the way she used to. Which in all honestly twisted him up even more. He wasn’t about to admit this, and scoffed at the idea instead. “Well, she broke up with me.” Fern simply nodded, “Uh huh.” and then placed a cup in front of him. Not paper to take away, oh no, a proper cup and saucer. Then tipped her head in the direction they’d both been looking, “Now go on, stop staring and go talk to her.” Ronnie’s mouth opened, nearly in shock, pushing the cup back to the edge of the counter, “Fern, I’m taking out! I’m not staying!” She didn’t budge, instead lowering her voice to a semi-threatening whisper. “Don’t make me walk it over to her table!” She pointed daringly at him and Ronnie realised he wouldn’t be getting out of this in a hurry. This was not the morning he had planned. He swallowed hard, nodding in acceptance of his situation, before picking up the cup – shooting Fern a look just so she knew he wasn’t best pleased about this – and walked over to the back of the diner slowly.

At the corner table Araya was sitting at, this exchange had gone completely unnoticed. In fact, Ronnie could probably have snuck in and out no problem and been well into his shift, before she even looked up from the papers in front of her. Largely because she had done the same calculation about five times already and the answer was never the same, and never matched the breakdown sheet. She theorised that it would have to eventually - but now it was a case of when eventually was. What she didn’t fail to notice however, was someone heading cautiously in her direction, and once she’d caught the movement it caused enough of a distraction to make her look up. Though, his nearly 6’3” frame probably helped. Although, Araya couldn’t help but startle – because Ronnie Peterson was not who she would expect to be walking towards her if he was given any sort of choice in the matter. (Well… maybe once.) As he was about to confirm.

“Oh, hey!” “Hey.” It was blunter than she would have liked. He gestured to the cup in his hands, “Fern did this and I’m pretty sure would have refused me a takeout cup otherwise, so…” Araya pressed her lips together, nodding, trying to ignore her own disappointment and indicated to the seat in front of her, hoping it didn’t drip into her voice. “Care to join me?” She half expected him to say no, but Ronnie was always polite so she got a “Well, yeah…” As he slid into the booth, the cup chinked gently as he placed it down – finding space amongst the paperwork – and Araya was given a window of opportunity to study his face as he became interested in her notes. Dare she say he was even more handsome now than he was to her back then. “Watcha doing?”

When Ronnie glanced back at her, he equally ignored the way pink dusted her cheeks ever so slightly, the way she took a breath before she answered to steady herself. “Oh, uh… kinda budgeting… expenses… figuring it out as I go, but, not going so great.” Then he smiled in remembrance. That made things worse. And he knew it. “Math was never really your strongest suit.” She smiled back, chuckle soft, and nodded along, looking away from his eyes, “Yeah, you’re right.” “Want me to help?” He’d asked before he could stop himself.

Araya looked back at him, eager to accept, ready to beam and push her books and calculator across the table to him and start rattling off issues - exactly as she would have done in high school. But she stopped herself from looking too joyful, and instead cleared her throat before sliding everything to the side. “No, you know what, I can figure it out later. You’re sitting in front of me with a coffee, so the least I can do is… actually have a conversation with you. You’ll have plenty to do at work, you don’t need to also be doing mine.” Ronnie’s eyebrows raised with the shoulders of his shrug, “Oh well, if you… ever need any help.” “Oh, I know where to find you, Ronnie, trust me.” The pink became dark red, “I mean, not like- I- I know where the station is.” Although the smile he flashed was almost a smirk, “I’d hope you wouldn’t have forgotten where I live but, the station is a good start, yeah.” Her eyebrows furrowed, not willing to jump to conclusions, “…I, uh, know where your parents live.” Lived? Araya wasn’t sure if they still lived here, although that wouldn’t surprise her even if Ronnie’s presence did. “Yeah, I’m still on that side of town.” And Centerville was small enough for that to roughly mean the same place. Araya’s head tilted, it wasn’t a hard link to pick up, “Not my side of town.” “Well… no.” He said matter of fact. “Your parents still here?” She’d half expected him to have been long gone. Ronnie had never seemed much like a homebody, even when he hadn’t known what he wanted for his future. She’d figured he’d want to stay here even less after her. How wrong she could be. “Mhm.” “Oh.” Her grimace was easy to read – ‘what must they possibly think of me’ – he held his hand up to quickly rectify. “No, no, don’t worry – I never tried to get them to hate you.” This clearly didn’t help things, by the fact her face became pained – but it wasn’t like she wasn’t aware of what she deserved. Ronnie tried again, “Oh no, I-” but then he stopped, because, yeah actually he did hate Araya for what she did. At least back then. Maybe even still. And lying wasn’t the way to go, so it was probably best to just stop talking. He bit his lips together, “I’m sorry, that… was uncalled for.” “No, No I…” She crossed her arms on the table, rubbing her thumbs over the sleeves of her dress, “probably deserve that.” He gave another shrug, this one more apathetic, before taking a sip of coffee. Concluding it was cool enough to drink, Ronnie didn’t put the cup down. The faster he drank it, the faster he could leave… Araya watched him, not because she was waiting for him to say anything else – simply because she liked watching him. She could sit for hours in silence and do that. If he would let her – which, Ronnie certainly wouldn’t be doing any time soon. When he placed the cup down, however, it wasn’t empty. “You know, the coffee here really is the best. I don’t know how Fern does it. Truly something else.” Araya laughed at his musing, “Must be a secret ingredient.” He laughed too, “Must be something like that, huh?”

And that was the problem. It was so easy to be amicable. It was so easy to talk to her again. Like a needle slipping into a groove. Natural. Something they both wanted back, as if it was never gone. And it was like it was never gone. But it had gone – goodbye had been said more than once, and the last time they had seen each other (before, a few months ago, she turned up walking down the street in the middle of his patrol looking like a deer caught in headlights), they had both screamed things they wanted to take back.

Ronnie didn’t know what he wanted anymore. Friends wasn’t going to cut it. He couldn’t just ignore her, even with his best efforts. But he couldn’t let his feelings run away with this. What would happen if they did get back together? What if it all fell apart again? What if it was worse? He couldn’t take that. He couldn’t even consider the possibility.

That didn’t mean she wasn’t thinking the exact same thing he was. That didn’t mean Araya wasn’t brave enough to tentatively ask it. In moments like this when they were actually getting on – where maybe she’d get the answer she wished for. Nervously tucking her hair behind her left ear before she did, and yet still able to hold the steady gaze of his brown eyes. “Do you ever think about it?” All the time. “About what?” He played a convincing perplexed. “Don’t you wonder if… - What - this could be?” Despite his previous dedication to the truth – Ronnie had no choice but to outright lie, straightening himself. “God, no… I couldn’t bring myself to read the plot points for this. I don’t think I wanna know…” Araya’s eyebrows furrowed again, if any disappointment had even entered her thought stream it had quickly been washed away with confusion. “Plot points?” Ronnie nodded, “Yeah… for the fic?” Araya’s look of puzzlement turned to one of surprise, “Oh. I didn’t know you could just read those and find out what happens.” “Yeah. If I wanted further heartbreak I guess I might!” To stop himself from talking too much Ronnie turned back to his coffee, this time making sure to finish it. But at the look still on Araya’s face, found himself compelled to continue, “I mean there must be some, you wouldn’t write a fic without them, right? I mean--” on second thought, knowing this author…

She sat silent for a moment with her own thoughts, digesting what he was saying. Although, even when she hadn’t fully, Araya gained confidence in her understanding enough to be able to look back into his eyes. What she was hearing was – he didn’t want to not try. It was what happened after that worrying him. And no wonder. “You wouldn’t want to know how it ends?” What if it was like a fairytale? What if they got a happy ever after? That didn’t have to be just fantasy and her wishful thinking. Ronnie blinked, teeth sinking into his bottom lip, before he shrugged again, this time being the one to look away, fingers dancing around the rim of his coffee cup, “Well I didn’t exactly like how it ended last time – if I read it and it doesn’t end well, why would I even want to start anything?” “What if it doesn’t end this time?” There was a warmth to her words as she went back to leaning her head on her hand. Araya was teasing him, of course. It wasn’t really a serious question – she knew neither of them could handle it being a serious question right now. They needed time, they had had time sure – but they needed more. His head tilted, eyes still not meeting hers – but the look on his face let her know she had a point. Ronnie couldn’t argue with that, but STILL! “I don’t think I wanna take the chance to find out. Could be worse. Don’t want that. No, thank you.”

By the time he’d finished his eyes were focused back on hers, with intensity. As if his would be the final word. Araya would have let him have it too, would have nodded along; ‘fair enough’. She even went back to looking at her work, pencil returning to her hand - but then she realised what he’d said. She paused her writing and looked up at him, curious, a little hopeful… but trying not to look too interested – perhaps not wanting Ronnie to realise exact what he’d said just yet. “Wait… so you… are thinking of… starting something?” It wasn’t a stupid question. Even if it would seem to be – either way he answered would have felt correct to both of them. It wasn’t as if there weren’t inklings of chemistry, that had somehow never faded, but she knew how hesitant he was considering how much she had hurt him before. Walking away from someone saying you couldn’t handle a relationship and then ending up in one again less than two months later would do that to a person. Ronnie had gone from wanting her back; would do everything and anything to have her back to… ‘well screw it and screw her and I never want to see her again and I’m actually quite MAD at her truthfully.’, and back again enough times in the years since. His distance when she first arrived didn’t surprise her, even when it was so easy to warm up like this after a five minute conversation. Araya was just as surprised at herself… she didn’t expect to fall back in love with him so easily, and so soon. The wish for her old relationship back had almost been immediate. As much as she understood the situation, at this point it felt so much like dancing around it; they both still had feelings neither would admit for their own personal reasons and the rest of the town was just… waiting. Of that they were almost certain.

Despite this, despite thinking he would want the final word back, Ronnie didn’t answer her. Instead, he just sat up a little straighter. His eyebrows furrowed together and he frowned a little, breathing out deeply – in a way that said everything, but there was no verbal answer… Araya knew better than to push him, and right now he had no coffee and she had no thread of conversation to keep him here either. Ronnie should be getting up and leaving and going to work now, because what else was there to do? He knew this, and so did she and yet he was still just… sitting there.

Either way, she had work to do, and dragging her notebook back towards her, Araya knew she had to think of something quickly before Ronnie figured out nothing was keeping him in his seat. She wanted to keep this conversation flowing – while he wasn’t scowling at her like he’d wish she’d leave, or straight up ignoring her presence. It had been so long since she’d got him like this, and she liked his company – whether Ronnie was talking or not, she always had. “A-Actually…” She held on to the only thing she had left, “If you wouldn’t mind just taking me though this one calculation that won’t add up? It’s different every time, I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.” He studied her face for just a fraction too long, and without the immediate response she feared that she might lose him this time. Ronnie checked his watch - what was five more minutes? - before he shook his head, “Sure. What’s up? Let’s see what I can do!” Then she smiled, the way she always used to smile at him and a smile he hadn’t seen since she’d left. Ronnie was 90% sure he wouldn’t hear a damn word she was about to say, and Araya would have to repeat herself, but it’d be worth it. What would be five more, five more minutes?

Fern watched from the counter as Ronnie leaned over the table to listen to Araya better, taking the pencil gently from her hand to explain exactly where she was going wrong. It didn’t seem like two minutes since they’d been high school age doing this…

She smiled to herself knowingly, looking at the empty coffee cup and then back at the in-depth discussion – the joy on Araya’s face when it finally made sense and the way Ronnie laughed to. And this time he didn’t check his watch.

It might take a little time, but they would get there. And if that meant she had to keep pouring his coffee into a proper cup instead, she’d make as many as it took.

---

Thank you for reading! ✨

#Happy Birthday To Me #Ronnie Peterson #Officer Ronnie Peterson #The Dead Don't Die #Araya #This has about 10 theme songs already #GUYSSSS I had to put a 4th wall break in - I just couldn't /NOT/ do it.#I thought of 2 for this concept and this was one of them!#Officer Peterson #Linzi Writes

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leandra-winchester · 2 years

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Buddie Teen AU (Sims 4) - pt 3

Masterpost.

The next part of our story finally takes us to Pennsylvania to the suburban home of the Buckley family.

We’re visiting Maddie, who’s studying to become a nurse (and moved back home after she broke up with her boyfriend Doug)...

... and her teenage brother Evan. Maddie and Evan are very close while their parents... are not loveless, but more occupied with each other and their own lives than that of their children.

Buck is nearly 16 years old and already as tall as his sister.

Even though his sister is very supportive of him, Evan also feels a little lonely sometimes. He did have a few girlfriends, but it never went beyond hand-holding and a few kisses before most of them broke up with him, and his last massive crush ended with her ditching him for another boy who was slightly older, and a bigger ‘star’ at high school football than Evan ever could be.

He does, however, have a very good friend - Angela. And he’s sometimes wondered, since they do get along that great, if there couldn’t be more between them. After all, most of his friends have already had sex, Angela included (though she, too, broke up with her boyfriend a while ago).

And so, one day, Evan simply tries his luck and makes a move on her.

And then they kiss, and it’s pretty awesome. They laugh about it, too, because they’re just good friends, and maybe it’s a tiny bit awkward to be making out like that. But it also is fun.

“So... how do you know you want to... you know... have sex with someone?” Evan asks his sister one day as they’re playing chess. Correction, as she’s obliterating him at it.

“Uh... are you seeing anyone new?” Maddie asks, a little surprised.

It’s a bit awkward to talk about this with his sister, but Evan wants to talk to someone about it, and he’s definitely not going to his parents.

“Well, no, but I thought... since I haven’t... uh... done it yet-”

“Evan, you’re only 15. You don’t have to have sex just because your friends already did. I didn’t sleep with anyone until I was 17.”

“I’m almost 16,” he corrects her. “And I know, it’s just... I’m curious, you know. And Angela and me... we kinda made out the other day, so...”

“I’m not gonna tell you what to do,” Maddie says gently, “But I think your first time should be about really being in love with someone.”

“Yeah. But what if that never happens?”

“Evan. Of course you’ll find someone.”

“But what if I don’t? Or what if I only find the right person when I’m 30? I don’t want to stay a virgin until then!”

Maddie chuckles a little but also gives him a sympathetic, almost pitying look. Evan doesn’t want pity, though, as much as he appreciates her affection. He doesn’t know how to explain it, but with his track record - and maybe because he sometimes feels there’s something wrong with him, something defective that made his parents never really love him the way he’d have wanted to - he’s not so sure he’ll ever find a perfect partner.

He ponders this for a while the next few days. Maybe he really should listen to his sister and wait. But maybe it’s all not such a big deal anyway. People in the movies have sex just for fun, too, and what really is the difference between it being the first time or sometime later? He doesn’t want to miss out on it, and then there’s also the fact that he still doesn’t even know if he’s into girls or boys; there have been a few in school he found cute and hot, but Evan never dared to make a move on them.

So, one day, actually on the day of Evan’s 16th birthday, but he’s only going to fully celebrate it on the weekend, Angela hangs out with him again, and he simply asks her.

“So, that kiss was fun right?”

“Yep. You’re good at it,” she grins.

“Thanks... and... um... I was wondering if we could- If we could do more sometime, maybe?”

“You mean...?”

“It would just be as friends, right? I mean, I don’t want to wait until I’m twenty or thirty, and we’re friends, we trust each other. So... I thought... why not? As a birthday present?”

Angela, laughs and rolls her eyes. “Well, ok, I’ll just return that video game I got you, then.”

They kiss some more.

And then they actually do it, and Evan doesn’t mind in the slightest that she has more experience than him. It’s nice, it’s fun, and it doesn’t really feel like it’s too early or wrong just because he’s not in love with her.

(covered them up because of the tumblr algorithm)

They make out and sleep together at her house too, and it’s all pretty nice.

And they’re still friends, too. It didn’t change anything, really.

They hang out and go to karaoke together and just enjoy themselves as friends.

“Um, so... you’ve kinda been eyeing that guy over there the whole evening,” Angela says as they’re sitting down.

Evan has seen the guy before. He goes to a fancy private school, but they’ve met one time at a party of some friends. And, well, yeah, Evan is kinda interested. But...

“It’s not like I can go over there and flirt with him like I could with a girl. And also... what about you?”

“About me? We said we’d do this only as friends, right? So that means you can kiss or dance or sleep with other people if you like. Plus, this is an LGBT friendly bar. Of course you can go and flirt with guys here.”

So Evan finally goes to the guy, Anthony, and introduces himself.

And, after chatting for a pretty long time - although is not so sure they have tons of stuff in common - it becomes clear that Anthony is interested in him.

Maybe it’s because Anthony knows the barkeeper and actually got them some secretly spiked ‘virgin cocktails’ that makes it all a bit easier, but at some point, he and Evan are kissing, and nobody is looking at them weird or anything.

It feels just as great as kissing Angela did. So, at least Evan knows now that he does like both.

And he likes it just the same when, a few days later, he’s over at Anthony’s house while his dad is on a business trip and his mom went along. He’s got a really giant bed in his room, and they make good use of it.

But then, when Anthony’s parents are back, Anthony doesn’t call anymore, and Evan guesses that is fair. They weren’t going to fall in love anyway. Maybe that whole being in love business just isn’t for him. Doesn’t mean he can’t have some fun.

“Just don’t give up on all of it,” Maddie says when he tells her about Anthony, but Evan isn’t so sure of that.

And then he meets Julie, who’s got amazing red hair and is really into him.

Until she isn’t, but that’s okay too.

To be continued...

(Small note: I took far less screenshots - and some of which I probably can’t post without it getting flagged - but I’ve had this extended head canon about Buck simply giving up on love before he even could have started. There’s nothing per se wrong with casual sex, but I’m with Maddie here that teenagers figuring themselves out should probably not do it out of the motivations Buck is doing it. In canon, I imagine it all to be a little more complex an issue, but for the sake of this sims verse, it’s as ‘deep’ as it goes).

#my sims #my buddie sims #buddie #buddie teen au #911 #Eddie again in the next part #and after that our two boys finally meet

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wilamoo · 2 years

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Positive life update 31.10.22

Hey!! I can’t believe im doing this right now, but I’m actually doing so good right now. So, to keep a long story short; me and my girlfriend broke up at the beginning of the year, it was very hard and I probably cried more than I slept for the time being. I had to move back to my parents & I picked myself up and built myself back together. A few months passed and I meet the sweetest guy I have ever laid my eyes on. We come from very different backgrounds, but we go together so well! We’ve soon been together for 8 months, which is absolutely insane, but to be honest I’d not like it any other way, he has been such a massive support for me and always stays strong with and for me. In May i started working as a cashier at a grocery store, but sadly enough in July I started getting severe panic attacks at work and I’ve been laid off ever since, on sick leave. My boyfriend also left for the military in July, and it’s been tough doing long distance but I’m super lucky to get to see him pretty frequently still. He’ll be done before christmas and I’m stoked!! We’re probably moving in together once we get some financial stability. I’ve been going to a psychiatric nurse every 2 weeks to figure out what’s happening in my head. They prescribed me with Diazepam for my panic attacks and also swapped my depression meds from Escitalopram to Sertraline, so far I can tell the Sertraline is working way better for me, but I probably need a higher dosage. I also have had struggles with sleeping so I got some sleeping meds to get some kind of rest at least. My head does run nonstop to be honest, but I’m getting it sorted. They’re suspecting I might have ADD, but further tests haven’t been done yet as anxiety and ADHD symptoms do overlap a lot. I’m still living with my parents and trying to get by day by day, I do plan on studying something once I get my mental sorted. My depression took away my joy for gaming and I was so tired of fighting with my 6 year old gaming laptop, I would have a breakdown everytime I tried to game. My boyfriend who is the kindest soul on earth let me borrow his awesome gamer set up for the time he’s in the military and I finally see and feel myself get myself together. My parents are getting me an early birthday gift and buying me an actual PC! I can’t wait to get back into WoW and really customize the heck out of my stuff<33 I’ve made a lot of new friends through my boyfriend, and also through gaming and just being a social butterfly online. I’m so glad I’ve been able to turn over a new leaf and actually feel like I’m living to my fullest at the moment. Cya soon, - Wil♥

#life update #life

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zhongliologist · 3 years

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Breeding Kink Pt. 2 | Dragon!Zhongli

Pairing: Zhongli x fem!reader

Genre: SMUTTTT!!

Words: 5.2k

A/N: Oh god i have no braincells anymore. Zhongli fcked with my braincells as well. Here ya go. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Happy Birthday as well.

Warning: THIS IS AN 18+ FIC, SO MINORS OUT THERE, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION.

PART 1 HERE

It was already deep into the night.

The last of the busy market kiosks has died down, the golden glow of their lanterns flickered off for the day, while the late-night loiterers had gone to rest at their station as silence and the sound of crickets settled in. The harbor has truly gone to sleep after a rough day’s work, and will rise once again at early dawn.

Yet inside the bedchambers of a certain married couple, things were still heating up.

“Z-Zhongli…! Please…!”

You held on to the silken sheets tightly with face flushed and sweating. Every now and then, a moan would escape your lips, savoring the moment where ecstasy was at its peak. It felt good—really good—as your husband Zhongli thrusted sharply into you.

“YN…” he growled beside your ear as he bent down, kissing the bare skin of your shoulders. “YN…I’m close…haa…”

He could feel all the pleasure welling up inside of him. You were holding on to him like a vice grip, as if wringing him out of his seed and coaxing him to come inside you. Zhongli felt his dick twitch at the thought of filling you up, pushing him closer to his climax.

“Aahhh…so g-good….mmnn….! Zhongli…! I’m gonna—”

“My love…I-I…!”

—!

“Mama? Papa…?”

A knock at their door, followed by a small voice stopped the both of them in their tracks.

Oh no, not again…

Looking at each other, you and Zhongli immediately scrambled to compose yourselves.

“Yuqing…ah, please stay where you are—"

“Honey, just a second! Let me…let me just find my slippers—”

Hurriedly, you grabbed your discarded robe on the floor and put on your sandals, while your husband raced to the adjacent bathroom to relieve himself. “Love, I’ll be there in a moment. Please take Yuqing back to her room in the meantime,” was what he said.

As you opened the door, you were greeted by curious amber eyes—the same as her father’s—who seemingly stared at you as if trying to assess the situation. She was carrying her favorite plushie, a geovishap hatchling, for some reason, while you knelt down and caressed her cheeks gently.

“Yuqing? What’s wrong?” you asked her, “It’s way past your bedtime.”

“Something jumped from the window, Mama…! I…I don’t want to go back!” She replied, almost in a whisper as she held on to the plushie tightly.

Your daughter’s words immediately caught your attention. It could just be a squirrel, or maybe something more dangerous. Nevertheless, you have to go check it out.

“Alright, honey. Let’s see what it is,” you replied as you carried her on your arms. “Mama and Papa can easily hunt monsters down!”

Yuqing blinked at you. “Hm? But where’s Papa?”

“Oh, uh…he just needs to pee,” you replied awkwardly, not totally forgetting what you two were doing a while ago.

By the time you arrived at Yuqing’s bedroom, you were greeted by a calico cat which was carrying her own young into the room, staring at you both with scrutinizing eyes. It seemed to have taken a liking to the room and decided to take shelter there. You instantly knew what was the matter.

“It’s a mama cat!” Yuqing exclaimed happily, jumping from your grasps as you muttered “be careful!” at the ecstatic child.

“Don’t come too close to it, honey,” you told her, sitting on the bed as you watched your daughter crouch near the animal to observe it. “The mama cat doesn’t like it if you touch her kittens. She might scratch you.”

“Oh…” your daughter murmured disappointingly, and then returned to your side when she had enough watching.

Looking down to her, you could really see how much Yuqing resembled Zhongli—the same eyes, the same dignified yet gentle countenance. Her hair was a little lighter but it’ll probably turn as dark as Zhongli’s when she’s older. You smiled at the thought of watching your daughter grow—a few years ago, she was still so small and fragile as you held her for the first time, but now, she’ll be turning six, and then eleven, and then little will you know, she has become such a fine lady.

Pulling her into an embrace, you caught the child off guard as you smothered her with kisses.

“Mama!” She protested, but was giggling at the same time. “Mama…what are you doing!”

“I just love my dearest Yuqing!” you exclaimed, but then stopped to pat her head gently. “Now, are you still scared?”

The dark-haired girl shook her head with a smile. “I’m ok now, Mama! It was just a cat.”

“Alright,” you smiled as you began tucking her in again. “We’ll talk in the morning what we’ll do with the cat, but right now, it’s time for you to sleep. Little girls need to sleep for them to grow big, okay?”

“Understood! Good night then, Mama!” Yuqing replied underneath her blanket, as you gently soothed her head. The whole time, you continued to do it until she had finally fallen asleep, soft snores coming from the small child which made you smile warmly.

By the time you returned to your bedroom, you could see that the bathroom lights were still on. You were waiting for Zhongli to swing by Yuqing’s room earlier but for some reason, he’s been caught up in the bathroom this whole time. It also seemed like your husband had heard you enter the room and began calling for you.

“Dear…! Perhaps you could come here for a moment?”

Curious about what was going on, you then stepped into the bathroom and only to be greeted by a much larger, more draconic Zhongli. You could only stare at the large protruding horns on his head, the scales on his arms and legs, and the tail that was swinging back and forth between his legs. Not to mention the large thing on his crotch that made you do a double take at the mere sight of it.

Zhongli closed his eyes as soon as he noticed your stunned expression. Despite how he looks, he still had a bit of his self-control intact.

“YN, I think we have a problem here,” he told you as calmly as he could.

“I might be going into heat again.”

It was finally D-Day.

The both of you spent the last week trying to prepared for this, because unlike the first time, you had responsibilities. For one, Yuqing had to be taken elsewhere and away from the carnage. It will not bode well if your child is there while your husband is being one horny dragon.

The people both of you know where highly dangerous though. Among the rejected list was Childe, Hu Tao, and Venti, with the last one loudly lamenting how he couldn’t have fun with Yuqing in Mondstadt. Keqing and Ningguang would be great but they’re busy with work, while the adepti wouldn’t have enough skills and patience to babysit a child for a week, even if it was the child of the former geo archon. That’s why in the end, you asked Lumine and Aether to take care of your daughter for a while—they were at least, safe enough not to put Yuqing in danger. Hopefully.

On the other hand, you had to prepare yourself for another bang of your life. The first time had caught you off guard, but this time, you were prepared to satiate your half-dragon husband to the fullest. You had also prepared yourself to conceive another child. Well, you really were planning to, but it was the night when Yuqing interrupted you two.

“Dear?” A head peered into the kitchen—or rather, a head with two horns.

Zhongli’s dragon features seemed to be staying longer and longer the nearer his heat approaches. Luckily enough, it wasn’t much of a rare sight in Liyue.

“Oh, morning, Zhongli. Should I brew you some tea?” you asked, busying yourself with breakfast for your family of three.

“It’s alright. I’ll do it,” he replied as he stepped in beside you, preparing the hot water to be boiled.

For a while, the both of you stayed like this in silence. You were concentrating on not getting the congee burned while he was trying to get the proper temperature of the water.

In the end, it was Zhongli who broke the silence.

“Will you be alright later?”

You whipped your head to his direction. “H-huh? What? Me? Oh, I’ll be fine!”

“Are you sure?” he asked, turning to you and caressing your cheeks with the tip of his sharp claws. “If only I could assure you that it will be painless.”

“Zhongli,” you called his name firmly as you flipped an egg. “You have never hurt me, and you never will. I survived the first time, right? We have Yuqing running around after all.”

Your words seemed to have magically melted his worries away, no matter how tacky you thought there were. But you didn’t know that Zhongli simply needed your assurance that it will be okay, otherwise, he’d go into a spiral of worry. Comforted by your presence, he crept his arms around you, hugging you from your side.

“Ah, my wife…my lovely wife…” he muttered happily as he nestled his head on your shoulder, savoring your scent and your warmth. “You’re really my wife…”

You giggled at his sudden show of playfulness. “That I am, sir.”

For Zhongli to be this affectionate, it seemed his heat has really gotten to him. Normally, he’ll reserve these kinds of actions for the both of you late at night, but right now, he’s incredibly clingly and wouldn’t stop following you wherever you go. For the most part, he really loves taking in your scent and running his hands around your body.

Soon enough, you hear the loud and rapid padding of feet on the floor as it dashed towards the kitchen where the two of you were. In a few moments, Zhongli was face to face with his own daughter who grinned gleefully at him.

“Mama, Papa!” Yuqing exclaimed as she clung to you like her father.

“Now young lady, what brings you here early in the morning?” Zhongli asked mischievously, still hugging you and resting his chin on your shoulder.

“Lumine and Aether! They’re coming right? They’re coming!” she almost shouted, arm tightly adhered to your leg.

“In about half an hour, darling,” you replied. “Now, are you both aware that I’m trying to cook here? I can’t move!”

Instead of letting go however, Zhongli tightened his hold of you while nuzzling deeper on your shoulder while Yuqing did the same on your leg. You grumbled. “Like father, like daughter.”

Giggling, Yuqing glanced at her father who was tightly clinging to you like she was.

“Papa, do you like Mama?”

Zhongli, for a moment, smiled at her warmly before replying. “Very much so, my dear.”

You could only hide your flustered expression at his words. But of course, it made your heart skip a beat, even after marrying him and having his child, Zhongli could still make you feel this way with just a few words.

It was a good thing that Yuqing changed the subject before your heart could explode.

“Papa! You have horns!” she exclaimed and pointed at Zhongli’s head.

“Oh? Is this your first time seeing it?” he asked as he knelt to the floor. “Do you want to touch it?”

Zhongli could definitely see his daughter’s amber eyes sparkling with curiosity as she slowly inched her way closer to him. Yuqing may look like him, but she definitely has your temperament. The way she sees the world with so much wonder and excitement reminded Zhongli of you.

“Can I, Papa? Can I?” she asked, her small fingers reaching out for them.

“Yes, you may, my dear.”

Bending down, Zhongli felt Yuqing glide her fingers at smooth surface of the horns. “Be careful though, the tips should be sharp enough to wound you.”

Filled with wonder, the child gazed at Zhongli with amazement. “Papa, are you a dragon?!”

“I can become one.”

“Does…! Does that mean I can be a dragon too?!”

Aahh…You smiled at the two of them as you finished the last of your cooking. “Alright now. Let’s have breakfast. The twins will be here soon if we don’t hurry up!”

“Aether! Lumine!”

The dark-haired girl immediately ran towards the twins right after you opened the door to greet them, incredibly excited for the week ahead. Aether scooped her into his arms right away as Lumine pinched her cheek for being so adorable.

“We’re extremely grateful to you two for agreeing to take care of Yuqing,” you told them bashfully. “It was hard to think of anyone reliable and willing to do it in such a short notice.”

“It’s okay, YN,” Lumine replied, “We’d love to have Yuqing around anyway! Right, Aether?”

Distracted with playing with Yuqing, Aether turned to Lumine who was looking at him pointedly. “Huh? Oh! Oh yeah! We’re gonna play a lot!”

“Let’s play house again, Aether!” Yuqing interrupted, “I’ll be the mommy, Lumine will be the aunty and you’re the daddy!”

A large, tall shadow loomed over the twins from behind you. “I prefer if you’d arrange the designations in a different way.”

“Oh, Zhongli.” You turned to your husband who was menacing enough to make the male twin tremble like a leaf, especially in his half-dragon form.

“M-Mr. Z-Zhongli!” Aether immediately felt a chill run down his spine. If anything, he felt an overprotective dad is way scarier than all the monsters he battled so far.

“Good morning Mr. Zhongli,” Lumine greeted the man calmly with a smile. “You don’t have to worry about anything! Yuqing can be the mommy, I’ll be the daddy and Aether’s the dog.”

“Good.”

You could only smile awkwardly at the whole exchange. If this continues on, Zhongli might change his mind and insist his daughter to stay.

“Alright, here’s all her clothes for the week as well as other stuff she needs,” you interrupted as you shoved a bag on Lumine’s hands. “Please don’t hesitate to call us if something happens.”

Lumine only glanced at you with a plastered smile. Bothering them isn’t something she’d really want to do.

“We will, YN,” Aether replied and then exchanged looks with his sister. “I think it’s time for us to take off now though.”

“Alright. Come on, Yuqing, let mama and papa kiss you goodbye,” you told them as you reached out for your daughter who easily climbed out of Aether’s arms.

Crouching down, you and Zhongli embraced your daughter tightly, kissing her cheeks several times until she began protesting. With Zhongli chuckling, he patted her head gently while reminding her of several things.

“Now young lady, be of your best behavior. Don’t make Lumine and Aether worry too much.

“I will, Papa! Can I have almond tofu as a reward then?”

Zhongli smiled at her amusingly. “Alright. Do we have a contract then?”

“Yes! It’s a pinky promise!” Yuqing held out her pinky and linked it with Zhongli’s, who was careful not to scratch her with his claws.

“Don’t forget to drink your vitamins and eat your vegetables, ok? And sleep on time. Be careful not to go anywhere without telling Lumine or Aether!”

Yuqing sighed, “Yes, yes, Mama. I will.”

Ruffling her head, you finally kissed her forehead while Zhongli did the same.

“Don’t forget to have fun!”

As she ran off to Lumine’s side, the both of you stood up.

“We’ll be going then. See you after a week!” Aether exclaimed as they began to take the steps down the porch.

“Bye, bye, Mama, Papa!”

With that, the three of them disappeared and went off their way.

Glancing at your husband, it had finally dawned on you that this was only the beginning.

“So, should we get started?”

He asked, and you froze.

“W-wait…! Zhongli!”

“What’s the matter?”

Your husband asked you, as if he wasn’t pinning you against the wall, nuzzling against your neck as he took in your scent. You could feel his warm breath against your pulse, his hands on your waist as he continued to pepper small, faint kisses on your skin.

“It’s…it’s the middle of the day…a-and…and…!”

“You never had an issue with that… are you getting shy, my love?”

You could sense the teasing tone in his voice as he nibbled on your ear, without ever the intention of removing himself from you. Flustered, you pursed your lips as you bit down a moan.

“N-No, I’m not! It’s just…!”

“It’s just what?”

Zhongli smirked at your unexpected bashfulness, urging him to tease you more to see more of that adorable expression of yours.

“I-I mean, we just sent off Yuqing…and they might return or something—”

“Oh, they won’t.” Zhongli gave your jaw a small hickey. “Or at least I’m sure they are well aware not to bother us.”

“H-Huh…?”

Without furnishing you an answer, he simply knelt down before you and wrapped his arms around your thighs to hold you down. Looking down, you could see him smirking mischievously at you, making you gulp.

“Why don’t we get you ready, my love?”

Slipping his head underneath your skirt, you instantly felt his lips on your thighs as he kissed his way up towards your core. You could feel yourself melting at the heat of the situation; the sensation of his warm tongue prodding your clothed entrance.

“Z-Zhongli…! Mnhh…!”

Even with your underwear on, you could easily feel him stimulate your sensitive clit as he circled his tongue around before sucking it. Your knees buckled immediately as you found your hands holding on to his horns, careful not to pull too much.

“You’re so drenched here, YN,” he told you, his voice vibrating against your sensitive parts.

“D-Don’t say that! O-Ohh…! Fuck!”

You couldn’t even tell him off properly as soon as he slid of your underwear and began to tease your hole with his tongue. You could feel him go in and out as his warmth filled you up. But it wasn’t enough, of course. After getting a taste of the real thing, nothing could satiate you other than him.

“Zhongli…oh god! Ah—!”

Without stopping, he continued to lap on your juices and stimulate you until you were at the edge of orgasm. You could feel your legs grow weak and the only thing keeping you from falling to the floor was his tight grip on you as he ruthlessly ate you out like a hungry man.

Peeking from underneath your skirt, Zhongli watched as he gradually pushed you closer and closer to your climax. His bright amber eyes filled with lust as he stared at your half-lidded eyes and trembling lips; crying his name out loud over and over again. He wanted to take you then and there, push his cock inside you until you were filled to the brim; his hard on was excruciatingly painful inside his pants, but he had to be patient and get you ready for him.

“Come for me, love,” he muttered, circling his tongue around your clit once more and sucking it.

It only took an instant for you to shiver and tremble in pleasure as you felt your orgasm wash over you like a tidal wave. Your skin felt like a surge of electricity passed over you as your knees buckled and your arms held on to his shoulders to stop you from falling over.

Removing himself from underneath your skirt, Zhongli then scooped your weak figure and carried you on his arms towards the sofa. He had you sitting on his lap facing him while you encircled your arms around his shoulders and waiting for your high to calm down.

For a while, the both of you stayed like this. Zhongli kept on giving you small pecks on your neck and shoulders, slowly divesting you of your clothes as he went around your body. It was slow and sensual; unlike the first time he was in heat.

“H-Hey…you too…” you purred, kissing the underside of his jaw.

He only hummed at you; his hands busy with getting your skirt off of you. “Yes?”

“Let me undress you too.”

Zhongli reigned in his urges as soon as he heard your suggestion. His face flushed as he watched you slowly remove his tie and unbutton his shirt to reveal his toned chest. Groaning at the feeling of your hands on his bare skin, he knew he only had a few moments left before all his self-control could fly off the window. But it was incredible, he could only feel himself grow even harder.

Soon enough, you were already on the floor kneeling before him. Zhongli felt himself tense up at what you were about to do, but had to strength left to stop you from doing it. Silently, he watched as you glide your hands on his things and then to the prolific bulge on his pants. You could feel him poke you earlier while you were sitting on his lap, which gave you the idea of blowing him off.

Gradually, you undid his belt and pants and finally take out his monstrosity of a cock. Zhongli gave a guttural groan as he felt your hands pump his shaft tentatively, his claws biting at the soft leather of the sofa.

It wasn’t the first time you saw his cock, and while it was impressive in normal days, the one right before you was definitely befitting of a dragon. You hesitated.

H-how did this thing fit inside of me before?!

Nevertheless, you continued on. It was massive but it was definitely hot, seeing Zhongli sitting there in front of you with a flushed face and his cock out. Timidly, you gave the tip a small peck as you slowly allowed your tongue to glide over it.

“Y-YN…that’s…!”

Empowered by his reactions, you then licked the underside of his shaft until it was glistening wet with your saliva. Eventually, precum began to ooze out of the tip and curiously, you began licking it as well, sucking it in the process.

“Ughh…! F-fuck…YN…! I’m really—”

Trying to bob your head up and down, you could only fit so much of him inside your mouth as your jaw tried to accommodate his size. But you felt your core tighten up and become wet, thinking that this cock will eventually fill you up to the brim with his cum.

Zhongli was rapidly losing it. He wanted to cum, but he wanted to cum inside of you and have you bear his child. He wanted to see your cunt filled with his seed until it oozes out of you, and then plug his cock back inside of you to fill you up once again.

No, this won’t do.

“YN…! Y-YN…! P-Please stop! Mnnh—!”

He held your chin to make you stop—the way your lips left a trail of saliva to his dick tempted him push it back inside your mouth—but he had to end it there, right before he came inside your mouth. Slowly he guided you towards him; confused as to why he stopped you right before he was about to come, you moved back to his lap where he gently caressed you and wiped his fluids from your cheeks.

“Let me kiss you, my love.”

In a soft and gentle kiss, Zhongli captured your lips. You could feel it radiating with love and warmth as he slid his lips over yours, his tongue darting inside, as if trying to fill his senses of you and only you. You both kissed until your lips were swollen, until you felt him rub his shaft against you unconsciously, making you moan in the kiss.

“Z-Zhongli…” you gasped for air. “Are you…holding yourself back?”

With those amber eyes, he gazed at you seriously—all the while keeping your lips closed to his.

“Is it a sin to treasure you so much?”

His words caught you off guard, but eventually, you smiled. Zhongli never failed to express his love for you. He was gentle and kind, a good husband and an even better father. Brushing a few stray locks of hair from his sweat-riddled face, you kissed his forehead as a way to show how much you appreciated his thoughtfulness.

“Thank you for thinking about me, Zhongli,” you remarked, “But right now, I really want you to let loose and fill me up completely with you.”

With eyes blown wide, Zhongli felt himself twitch at your words—his arousal no longer hidden. Grabbing the back of your head, he then crashed his lips against yours in a searing kiss lidden with passion and lust. He bit and licked on your lips while his hand groped your full breasts, pinching at your nipples to make you gasp against his lips.

“Then so be it,” he smirked. “I’ll make you completely mine.”

Guiding his shaft to your slick entrance, he pushed himself inside of you in one go—making you squeal at the sudden sensation of being penetrated. It took some time for you to accommodate his large cock, but eventually, your cunt was drenched so much that it hadn’t become much of an issue.

“Z-Zhongli…! Oh god—fuck! …s-so big…!”

You began riding him, moving up and down on his lap while Zhongli continued to make you feel good by playing with your breasts. You could feel his sharp claws make indentations on your skin, but not hard enough to draw blood, but it was a strange sensation which only heightened the pleasure of having his dragon cock thrusted inside of you.

“Hnnghh!! Y-YN…!” Zhongli winced at the sudden tightness, and began to distract himself from cumming by licking on your pert nipples until they were red and sensitive.

With pleasure attacking you from different parts, you could only mewl as Zhongli gradually turned you into a lewd mess as you felt him twitch inside of you. Soon enough, he’ll be cumming inside of you, and that would the first among many others for this entire week. If his first heat said anything, Zhongli wouldn’t stop mating with you until you were fertilized with his seed.

The thought did nothing but coax you to your climax. You could feel yourself tighten around him as he pounded into you mercilessly, your juices mixing together. Zhongli was also close. He was already extremely aroused, and it wouldn’t take long for him to climax.

“A-Ah—! YN….! L-love…I’m…I’m close…!”

He muttered with face flushed and breath ragged.

“Yes…! Oh god, yes…! P-Please, Zhongli…! Ah—! F-fill me…fill me up…!”

In just a few thrusts, the both of you came at the same time. He pushed deep inside of you and came; his warmth filling you up until he was spent. You were still shivering with pleasure when he pulled you in for a kiss, his tongue once again ravishing you with so much intensity that it could be argued that he made you come once again with just a kiss.

Reeling in from the afterglow, you could still feel him hot and hard inside of you, as his breathed hard against your neck. You were no different though—the way your mind was still covered with a haze of lust, or the way his cock inside of you felt so good as it hit a particularly good spot. The aphrodisiac you got from Dr. Baizhu seemed to be quite effective.

Removing yourself from his embrace, you staggered to stand up with your limp legs, but managed to crawl on fours right beside him.

Zhongli was both bewildered and disappointed to have your warm body away from him, but when you pushed your ass before him and gazed at him with sultry eyes, he felt his heart rate pick up the pace.

It was embarrassing to show your cunt dripping with your juices and his cum, but you didn’t really care much. You were too entrenched with arousal to feel embarrassment.

“Z-Zhongli…let’s…let’s do it again…?”

Grabbing your ass, he spread you out even more, and even slapped your butt lightly. Zhongli could definitely see his cum dripping out of you and promptly scooped it up with his finger and pushed it back inside of you.

“P-Please…! Zhongli…I—!”

He smirked. “Very well.”

Without warning, he slid himself back inside of you; making you bite back the remaining words. It felt incredible having him inside. It was hot, as if you were burned and electrified at the same time. Your mouth hardly had the time to close as he continued to piston in and out of you.

This time however, Zhongli began playing with your oversensitive clit, groaning loudly at how you tightened your walls around him. You squealed in delight as his cock hit a particularly good spot, making you cum sooner than expected.

“Oh…o-oh god! Z-Zhongli….! Zhongli…! A-ah…!”

Yet despite your premature climax, he continued on—thrusting inside of you and prolonging your orgasm. It was so good you could feel tears pooling the side of your eyes as he plowed your sensitive cunt.

“You came, didn’t you?” he asked, his lips once again on yours. “I’ll make you come again soon enough.”

True to his promised, Zhongli picked up his pace and fucked you as roughly as he could. You knew there will be bruises after this but the pleasure was greater than anything for you to care about. The way his cock just fills you up, hitting your g-spot over and over again relentlessly, or the way his groans just sends shivers down your spine.

“F-Fuck…! Fuck…!Z-Zhongli! I’m—! I’m gonna…!”

“Yes, love...! Haa….come for me…! I’ll fill you up with my seed…”

Once again, you came from the overstimulation—your arms failing as the pleasure was greater than anything you experienced so far.

“F-fuck…YN…a-ah—!”

With that, Zhongli suddenly bit your shoulder as he pumped more of his seed inside of you, which only overflowed from your hole. You mewled at the mixture of pain and pleasure, unable to distinguish the one from the other, but you knew it felt extremely good.

Zhongli was silent for a while as he lapped on the bitemarks he had made. He was glad that he hadn’t bit too hard, but for some reason, he also liked how you were marked as his.

“Allow me to take you to the bedroom,” he whispered to you as you nodded your head groggily. Sleep was beginning to approach you fast.

Unsheathing himself from you, you winced at the sudden feeling of emptiness. But it was immediately remedied by the feeling of his warm body near you as he carried you to your shared bedroom. Slowly, he laid you down on the soft mattress and eventually joined you there, embracing you from the back.

“Let’s rest for now,” he muttered right before your eyelids fell heavy. “We’ll need it for later.”

And he was right.

For the next few days, the two of you tainted every room inside the house (well, except for Yuqing’s bedroom).

From the kitchen where Zhongli fucked you from behind, bending you on the counter as he emptied himself inside of you—to the bathroom where cleaning up turned into another round where he slowly entered you while underwater—or on the floor, which was only because you couldn’t reach the bed because he was too horny for his own good.

It was only then, as the both of you rested from the last round which took all night and early morning, that you realized how much time had passed.

“Mama! Papa! I’m back!”

Your eyes shot open, and glanced at Zhongli who was staring at you as well.

“Oh no.”

#genshin impact #zhongli #zhongli x reader #genshin impact x reader #nsfvv #schlongli

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fandom-smut-shots · 3 years

Text

Keith Kogane - I’m Not Going Anywhere

Not Going Anywhere

A/N: Modern life AU.

Also, any genders and pronouns are acceptable to request. If not specified, I default to female, because that’s the majority of reader inserts in my experience.

Summary: You’ve been dating Keith for about six months, but you’ve only recently met his group of friends. He’s worried that they each have more to offer you than he does, and his insecurities eat away at him until you calm him down.

Words: 2,063

“Your girlfriend is coming to the party, right?”

Keith froze, glancing up at Shiro where the older man stood beside the stove, preparing a pot of spinach artichoke dip. He was a disaster at cooking actual food, but he’d managed to learn to prepare dips like a boss.

“Uh…” was all the black-haired boy managed in response, shoving a spoonful of cereal into his mouth.

“Come on, Keith,” Shiro chided gently, employing his best Older Brother voice. “You’ve been seeing this girl for, what, six months now? I think it’s time I met her. And what better time to introduce her to the gang than at your birthday party?”

“Do I have to introduce her to everyone?” Keith whined, glaring down at his breakfast. “Can’t she just meet you and be done with it?”

Shiro sighed, turning to argue when he caught sight of his brother’s expression. Keith wasn’t one for expressing his emotions, so Shiro had learned early on how to read the arch of his brow and the shine of his eyes. Keith currently looked crestfallen, which given the circumstances meant that insecurities were buzzing around inside his head.

“It’s going to be fine, Keith,” the older boy commented, taking a seat across from Keith at the table. “Everyone is going to love her, and she’s going to love your friends.”

“That’s what I’m worried about,” was all Keith murmured before he stood, setting his cereal bowl in the sink before turning to skulk down the hallway towards his room.

“I’d love to go to his birthday party!” you squealed into the phone, balancing it between your ear and your shoulder so you had free use of your hands. “I’m almost done decorating his cake. I could bring it with me!”

“He’d love that,” Shiro chuckled on the other end. “We’re not a baking-inclined family, so it’s always store-bought cakes for us.”

“He told me he just wanted to do something simple to celebrate with me,” you returned, swirling icing atop the cake to add calligraphic decoration to Keith’s name. “I wonder why he didn’t tell me you were throwing him a party.”

“He doesn’t like being the center of attention,” Shiro reasoned.

You hummed in agreement. “That’s true.” Setting the piping bag on the counter, you paused, a frown forming on your lips. “It’s not… He wants me to come, right? He won’t be mad that you invited me?”

Shiro sighed into the receiver, and you bit your lip nervously. “He’ll be upset that I went behind his back, but I know him very well, and I think he’d enjoy the party a lot more if you were there. He’s just nervous about you meeting his friends. They can be a handful.”

“If you’re sure,” you replied. The last thing you wanted to do was upset your boyfriend while trying to celebrate his birthday. “I’ll be there. With a cake.”

“Perfect,” the man on the phone replied. “I’ll see you tonight. It’ll be great, I promise.”

You hung up the phone and set it on the counter, admiring your handiwork on your boyfriend’s cake. Exhaling softly, you tried to believe Shiro’s words. Everything would be fine.

Your heart hammered in your chest as you approached the front door of Shiro and Keith’s shared house. Carefully balancing the cake with one hand, you raised the other to knock on the door, waiting patiently but anxiously for someone to answer. The door opened to reveal Shiro, smiling widely upon seeing you on the other side.

“(y/n)! It’s so great to meet you!” he greeted enthusiastically. “I’m Shiro, Keith’s older brother. I apologize if I startled you with that phone call earlier – I wasn’t sure Keith would actually follow through and invite you.”

“He didn’t,” you giggled. “I don’t mind at all. I’ve been wanting to meet you for months.”

“Let me take that for you,” he offered, easing the cake out of your hold. He headed inside, nodding for you to follow him. You closed the door behind you, following the tall man- like seriously, how was he that tall?- into the kitchen. There stood a thicker boy, nearly as tall as Shiro, stirring and chopping like a professional chef.

“That cheese sauce smells amazing, Hunk,” Shiro complimented the cook, placing the cake on the counter.

“It’s almost done- ooh, where’d the cake come from?” the cook inquired.

“Keith’s girlfriend.”

The spoon being used to stir the cheese sauce fell to the floor with a clink, gooey cheese splashing all over the tile.

“Keith’s what?!”

The tall, tanned cook spun on his heel, a grin splitting his lips as he caught sight of you. “She’s real!”

Shiro laughed softly, stepping closer to you. “Hunk, this is (y/n). (y/n), this is Hunk, our resident chef. He shares a few classes with Keith.”

“I’m an engineering major,” Hunk explained, offering his hand. You placed your comparably tiny hand in his, giggling softly.

“It’s nice to meet you. Keith has mentioned your cooking.”

Hunk’s eyes sparkled at the confirmation that the emotionally constipated raven appreciated his food before he turned back to the stove.

“Hey, Shiro, what-“ Keith stopped in his tracks as he entered the kitchen, his eyes widening as he stared at you. “(y/n)? What are you doing here?”

“I invited her because I knew you wouldn’t,” Shiro explained.

“It’s okay that I’m here, right, babe?” you questioned, brows furrowing with worry as you took Keith’s hands in yours.

“Babe?” teased an unfamiliar voice. “Keith lets someone call him babe?” A tall, thin brunet sauntered into view, resting his elbow on your boyfriend’s shoulder. “Hey, who’s the hottie? She’s- ow!”

Keith’s elbow collided with the brunet’s rib, and he stepped away.

“Yeah, it’s okay,” Keith murmured, lacing his fingers with yours, but you could hear the uncertainty in his voice. You stood up on your toes, pressing your lips to his, and he melted into the gesture despite having an audience. The brunet from before whistled at the sight, and Keith pulled back with a glare in his eyes and a blush on his cheeks.

“I’m (y/n,” you introduced, offering your hand.

“The name’s Lance,” the tan brunet grinned, taking your hand in his and lightly kissing your knuckles. You simply raised a brow in response, unsurprised when Keith ripped Lance’s hand away from yours.

“She’s taken,” he growled, wrapping an arm around your waist. You giggled softly, resting your head on Keith’s shoulder.

“Is that everyone?” you inquired, looking towards Shiro.

“Hunk!” another voice called from the hallway. “Are the nachos done? I’m starving- oh, hey.”

Finally, someone not insanely tall.

“I’m Pidge,” they offered, lifting their hand to their head in a salute. “You must be Keith’s girlfriend.”

“(y/n),” you countered. “Are you another friend of his?”

Pidge stole a chip from the bowl on the table, popping it into their mouth. “If that’s what we’re calling it. I’m friends with Lance and Hunk, and they kinda forced Keith to join the group.”

“I encouraged it,” Shiro replied. “My brother needs social skills.”

“I have plenty of social skills,” Keith grumbled in response.

Lance snickered loudly, Pidge choked on a ship, and Hunk chuckled from his place at the stove.

“I got myself a girlfriend without your interference, didn’t I?” your boyfriend defended, his grip around your wait tightening.

“How did you two meet, anyway?” Pidge questioned.

“I’m an art major,” you replied. “We met in Interpretive Painting.”

“Keith takes art classes?” Lance gasped, his voice raising several octaves.

“Makes sense,” Pidge shrugged.

“Interpretive Painting?” Hunk repeated. “That sounds like fun.”

“Ah, someone who will encourage my brother to keep working on his art,” Shiro smiled. “I already love her.”

Keith used his hand on your waist to guide you away from the others, leading you to the living room. He sat on the couch, pulling you onto his lap, securing his arms around you. Your own arms wrapped around his neck, your fingers toying with his thick raven hair. His nose nuzzled into your neck as he inhaled deeply, enjoying the scent of your body wash.

“Why didn’t you want me to meet them?” you inquired softly. “They seem nice.”

“Too nice,” he murmured against your skin. “They’ll take you away from me.”

You pulled away from Keith just enough to lift his head, caressing his jaw with your hand, gazing softly into his violet eyes. “You don’t really think that, do you?”

His gaze dropped somewhere behind you – a tell that the current situation made him vulnerable and insecure.

“You heard them in there. I’m not social. How many times have you told me I suck at texting back? If you hadn’t been so friendly, I wouldn’t have even been able to ask you out.”

“So?” you questioned, brushing your thumb across is cheekbone. “I’m dating you, aren’t I? If you being anti-social was an issue, I wouldn’t have said yes.”

He sighed, dropping his forehead to your shoulder. “Lance is better at romance and dating. Pidge is smart, and you like a lot of the same games. Hunk can cook actual meals. They have more to offer you.”

Your heart broke at his honesty. You knew how hard it was for Keith to be so open, even with you. He must have been dreading the day you met his friends if he was this concerned about it.

Taking his face in your hands, you lifted his head until you can access his mouth. You gently pressed your lips to his, pouring your emotions into the kiss. He sighed softly against your lips, his arms tightening around your waist. You let one hand slide back to tangle in his hair, gently tugging on the strands.

“I’m not going anywhere,” you promised between kisses. “I love you, Keith. Befriending your friends means I get to spend more time with you and learn more about you. They’re not going to take me from you, I promise.”

“Dinner is done!” Hunk’s voice called from the kitchen.

You slid off of Keith’s lap, much to his dismay, and offered him a hand. “Come on, babe. Let’s go eat.”

He took your hand, lacing your fingers and squeezing softly as he followed you into the kitchen. Chips, cheese, meat, and vegetables decorated the table as a homemade nacho bar for everyone to dig into. Keith’s amethyst eyes danced around the kitchen, landing on an unfamiliar container on the counter.

“What’s that?” he inquired, turning his gaze to Hunk.

Hunk grinned. “(y/n) brought it.”

“It’s your cake,” you replied, shoving a fully-coated nacho into your mouth.

“You made me a cake?” Keith questioned, his eyes softening as he looked at you.

“The plan was for us to have a private party after you were done here,” you shrugged. “When Shiro invited me, I figured I might as well bring the cake.”

Keith dipped his head, pressing a loving kiss to your lips. Lance and Pidge cat-called from somewhere behind you, but Keith didn’t seem to mind. Shiro smiled from behind Keith, shaking his head softly.

After dinner and cake were thoroughly enjoyed, you followed Keith and his friends to the living room to watch movies. He sat on the couch and you reclaimed your place on his lap, snuggling into his chest. His hands intertwined with yours, his fingertips brushing your knuckles, and you peppered soft kisses to his jaw, reminding him that you were his.

While everyone was enthralled in the movie, you turned to face your boyfriend. You untangled a hand from his in order to lift it to his face, cupping his cheek. He turned his gaze from the movie to look at you, a soft expression in his eyes that only you were allowed to see. You shifted in his lap, pulling his lips down to yours. He tilted his head to deepen the kiss, gently nipping at your lower lip with his teeth. You were tempted to give in until you recalled your company, reluctantly breaking the kiss and settling back against his chest.

“I’m not going anywhere,” you murmured softly, squeezing his hand as you watched the movie. The kiss he pressed to the side of your head told you that he understood, and while you knew his insecurities wouldn’t be magically washed away, you also knew that he was trying and that was more than enough for you.

#voltron #vld #voltron legendary defender #voltorn x reader #keith kogane #keith x reader #keith kogane x reader #reader insert #fluff

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juuuuliee · 3 years

Text

Broken promises

A/N: so... this is my first story I'm posting, so please don't be so hard on me hahaha... Constructive criticism is of course welcome! I'm working on a masterlist and other stories, so stay tuned if you'd like. I'm sorry if there are some logic and/or grammar mistakes - as I said, this is my first story. I hope you like it, have fun reading! See you soon :)

Pairing:young!Sirius Black x Reader

Genre:a lot of angst, a bit of fluff

Warnings:angst, family problems, relationship problems, jealousy.

Y/N felt bad. Not the kind of bad that makes you want to throw up, more like your stomach was knotting up and that queasy, uncomfortable feeling was getting bigger.

The common room had long been pitch black and only the fire, which was slowly dying away, gave off a small pleasant glow, but it barely reached the sofa where she was curled up.

He had promised. He had promised to be there and yet she had not seen him since lunch in the Great Hall.

Anger and disappointment kept bubbling up inside her, but she tried to ignore those feelings as worry about him grew and slowly took over.

What if something really happened to him?

Before she could think any more about it, she heard a creak and pulled up. The portrait door swung open and the fat lady could be heard cursing behind Sirius, who came stumbling into the common room, but stopped abruptly when he saw his steady girlfriend on the sofa.

"Y/N?" he asked, startled, looking at her with his eyebrows drawn together.

"Damn it, Sirius, where have you been?" she started, realising that the worry was just giving way to the anger that was rising at the sight of him.

"I was at the lake...well...it was someone's birthday from Hufflepuff and I thought...I could go...what did I do wrong, Love?" he told her hesitantly.

"What did you do wrong, Mister? I don't know, everything I think!" Y/N scolded back, theatrically throwing her hands in the air to express her frustration more.

"You said you were coming, Sirius! Hell, YOU even suggested we meet and still said, you’d had a ,,plan’’…I don't know if that was part of your plan, but if it was, I'm sorry, it's a shitty plan! I thought you would have hurt yourself or made it back to Filch's office."

"Y/N, I'm sorry, okay? I forgot, yeah? What do you want me to do? Invent a time reverser just so our ONE date can still happen?!" sneered Sirius, raising his own voice

"The ONE time?! Sirius I don't know if you've been counting, but this is the fourth time in a row you've forgotten or missed it!" now Y/N shouted too, at which Sirius took a step towards her, but she dodged him right back.

,,I know I'm probably overreacting, but I feel like I'm fighting for our relationship all by myself, Sirius. I'm tired of waiting for you all the time, even though I know you won't come and you probably don't even care. It just hurts, okay?" She had started crying completely now and pulled her jumper closer to her.

"Maybe it has something to do with your family problems," he interrupted angrily and raised his hand, which Y/N only looked at defiantly.

"I am who I am and that is how you should accept me, Y/N! I have apologised, what more can I do?!"

Silence.

Grey, angry eyes met e/c, staring at him with anger and disappointment.

,, "Maybe you should change your priorities if some Hufflepuff chick's party is more important than your own girlfriend, Sirius!"

,, "And maybe you should lower your expectations. You're not the most important person to me damn it!"

Ouch. It felt like Sirius had stuck a knife in your back and was very, very slowly turning it around.

"I didn't mean it, Y/N," Sirius said with a roll of his eyes, avoiding Y/N's hurt gaze and focusing more on her shoes.

,, "Yes you did and you know it very well!"

Sirius groaned and you could literally feel the anger bubbling up inside him again and he had to pull himself together very hard not to yell at her again. In the end, however, his temper won out: "You know what? I'm leaving! I'm tired of this kindergarten and this... this kind of you, Y/N."

"Fine!"

"Great!"

,,Fantastic!" sobbed Y/N, but Sirius barely heard it as he stomped up the stairs to his dorm.

Y/N sat back on the couch, exactly in the place where she had been sitting twenty minutes ago and everything was still "fine".

Had he broken up with her?

She didn't know, but she knew it hurt..., it hurt like hell. There was a hole in her heart and it felt like she was losing her boyfriend, who was moving further and further away from her into the mist, so that all she could see was his outline, not even looking back at her. She wanted to reach out to him, to run after him, but something that must have been her own pride pulled her back and tried to convince her that it wasn't her fault.

But she didn't trust that voice. If only she had stayed calmer... Maybe she could have talked to Sirius calmly about her feelings and thoughts....

——————————————————

"Y/N, wake up!" a voice called at her ear and Y/N slowly opened her eyes. Lily.

,, Lily, please! Let me sleep..." she muttered and turned around to avoid the red-haired witch.

"Forget it! It's Saturday...Hogsmead day," Lily purred excitedly.

"No!"

„Oh come on, Y/NN. We're going to Honeyduks and stock up on chocolate! James, Sirius, Remus and Peter are coming too, it'll be fun!", Lily tried to convince her, but Y/N just shook her head.

"I don't want to see him." "Who?" "Sirius." Lily furrowed her eyebrows questioningly, but quickly understood, "Did you two have a fight?" Y/N merely nodded her head and buried her face in her pillow.

"What was it about?" asked Lily, stroking soothing circles on Y/N's back to get the young witch to speak.

"He missed another date and was at some Hufflepuff party. I was so mad at him...I said things I didn't mean and so did he...His temper won of course...I don't know, it all just escalated. I don't think he wants to see me either." Y/N reported as she sat up and Lily nodded understandingly.

"That's bullshit. He knows he messed up, Y/N. Sirius isn't that stupid... and of course he wants to see you! Besides, it's Saturday, so if you two don't get along, you'll need some frustration food, Y/NN... chocolate! It'll be alright." Lily tried to persuade Y/N and she had to grin.

"Maybe you're right..." said Y/N hesitantly, "Of course I am!" laughed Lily and started to push Y/N into the bathroom.

,"I'm sure he'll be pleased." Repeated Lily, giving her friend a cheery smile.

Once in the Great Hall, the two girls headed for the Gryffendor table where all the Marauders were already seated. Lily gave Y/N's hand an encouraging squeeze before greeting the boys: "Hey!" she called and sat down next to James, who greeted her with a kiss. Y/N stood next to them a little indecisively before squeezing in between Peter and Remus, who greeted her with a quiet,, Hi."

She could literally feel the looks of the others lingering between her and Sirius and lowered her gaze to her plate to avoid the looks from the others and especially Sirius... unsuccessfully. She couldn't help but squint over at the black-haired boy. He had bags under his eyes and was also keeping his eyes on his plate, which was full.

Instead of chatting to the others, she followed James and Lily's relationship banter, which made her wrinkle her nose more than once... Cheesy as hell!

Fortunately, breakfast was over quickly and the group set off for Hogsmead. Sirius and Y/N were mostly quiet and only said something when asked. They all went to Honeyduks together first, where Y/N stocked up on lots of chocolate, at which Sirius just raised his eyebrows, but she avoided his questioning gaze and slipped unobtrusively over to Lily, who was sneaking a caramel into her mouth.

Are you okay?" she asked with her mouth full, eyeing her friend who was standing in front of her a little indecisively.

"He's not even looking at me, Lils... What if he broke up with me yesterday and I haven't even noticed?" whispered Y/N in panic and Lily quickly shook her head.

"He didn't break up with you... Sirius, even though this sounds weird, loves you... Even Peter can see that! Just go up to him and talk to him. But stop blaming yourself: HE messed up and stood you up, not you." She said urgently, piercing Y/N with her green eyes.

„It's okay, Lily," Y/N said, and moved away from her friend, again walking to the biscuit shelf, which was very close to her boyfriend. She looked over at him cautiously and noticed that he was peering over at her too, whereupon she quickly averted her gaze from Sirius again and pretended to analyse the biscuits on the shelf with interest.

After the group had paid for their things, they went into the Three Broomsticks. By the time they entered the pub, it was busy and noisy, making it difficult to find a table to seat them all. After a few minutes, Sirius waved the friends over, who had apparently found room at a table where two Hufflepuff girls were still sitting, giggling as Sirius sat down next to them as he grinned charmingly at them.

A wave of jealousy and frustration erupted in Y/N and she had to pull herself together not to flee the pub immediately. Instead, she bit the inside of her cheek and sat down next to Remus and James, opposite Sirius and Hannah, who probably considered Sirius's forearm her own. She batted her eyelashes and obviously(!) flirted with Sirius, who happily joined in her game.

Y/N quickly looked away, unable to afford to put up with this fuss any longer. Remus unobtrusively squeezed her hand under the table and, Y/N smiled at him gratefully.

Y/N sat awkwardly at the table, not knowing what to do or say next at the sight of her steady boyfriend apparently having already found a new one. Sighing, Y/N stood up and muttered: "I'm going to get us butterbeers, okay?"

Without waiting for the others to reply, she hurried away from the table. She noticed tears forming in her eyes but immediately wiped them away and made her way to the bar where many teenagers were gathered. Desperately, she tried to make her way through the crowd and eventually managed to do so.

She didn't notice someone squeezing up behind her and pushing in next to her until that person snapped at her.

„Y/N?"

Startled, she pulled up to look into the friendly face of Amos Digorry, who was looking down at her.

Oh! Hey, Amos," she greeted her seatmate in Divination and smiled at him.

"Is everything okay with you?" he asked with his eyebrows drawn together and Y/N nodded quickly as she wiped a few remaining tears from her cheeks.

‚,Everything is great, yes," she replied and was glad when Rosmerta put the buttebeer on the counter. Y/N smiled at her in thanks before turning to Amos, "See you around, Amos." She said goodbye and hurried away.

Arriving back at the table, her eyes immediately fell on Sirius and Hannah, who were still talking to each other. Hannah giggled and Sirius seemed to be perfectly comfortable in the company of the beautiful brunette too.

Y/N knew her, she was her seatmate in Potions. As she took a closer look at her, a wave of insecurity gripped her. She had everything one imagines as 'perfect'. She was tall and thin, with a small waist and an elegant posture. She just fitted into the toxic beauty ideals that existed and Y/N hated so much. And the worst part was that there was actually nothing to not like about her. She was sweet and helpful and super nice.

Even though Y/N knew that your weight, your smile, your general appearance, how many friends you have and whether you get good grades doesn't change your worth as a person, she suddenly felt so small and superfluous that she couldn't take it anymore.

She noticed tears welling up in her eyes and stood up abruptly, causing her to bang her knee against the table.

Pained, she screwed up her face and looked at the questioning faces sitting at the table, staring at her. Great... Embarrassed, she brushed a strand of hair that had fallen into her face behind her ear and smiled consumingly, but it looked more like a 'I'm going to cry' smile.

"I- I think I forgot my... uh my- something in Honeyduks, I think... I have- so yeah... I'll go..." she stuttered awkwardly, though she realised all her friends knew she was lying.

She quickly hurried away from the table and Sirius, unable to suppress the tears in her eyes. Hastily she wiped them away, but more kept coming. She didn't notice how Lily called after her in vain and Remus got up from his seat and tried to run after her, but James pushed him back into the chair, looking hauntingly at Sirius who sat frozen. When she got to the crowded alleyway, Y/N just stumbled through the crowd and was glad when she got behind Honeydukes, where there was a path that led to the howling hut. The path was snowed in and would have been beautiful if Y/N had paid more attention. She trudged along the path until she finally arrived at the howling hut. She just stared at it and stopped in front of it. She focused on the small cracks in the wall that looked like small branches of trees moving in the wind.

She heard footsteps coming closer and closer and turned around. Sirius. His black hair was a mess and he hadn't even zipped up his jacket. He was panting and apparently out of breath when he started to speak: "I'm sorry. I'm so incredibly sorry, yeah? You have to believe me when I say I'm sorry... Please Y/N, you have to believe me."

She said nothing and just looked at him urgently until he began to speak again: "Please say something. You can yell at me too, you can yell at me all year and the years after, but please say something." He pleaded, looking at her pleadingly as he wiped his face.

"You don't know anything, Sirius." , she started and he nodded to get her to talk further.

"You don't know how much it hurts to wait for a person that you- that you seem to love. You do know what it's like to not feel loved and- and to feel insecure... you know exactly what that feels like. And I always get so mad at the person who makes you feel that way because they hurt you! And I think I can say that I'm there for you then!" she gulped and Sirius nodded to agree with her, "But you're never there..." she sobbed, letting her tears fall again.

"I know you love me and I can't compare your family to our relationship. I feel good in your presence and- and that's how it should be... - that's how it should be! But- but it always hurts so much when you stand me up or ignore me and I don't even know what I- what I did wrong...I wasn't the one who stood you up, Sirius. It was you...and so many times!" she continued in exasperation and Sirius wasn't sure whether to let her finish or give her a hug. But before he could make a decision for himself, Y/N continued: "And today was even worse! Lily told me all the time that it wasn't my fault and now I know that it wasn't or isn't mine either. But then when you were flirting with Hannah and you-you were having such a good time, I was so sad! Why can you talk to her and have fun but not with me?! Why are you happy to see her but not me?!" asked Y/N desperately and Sirius opened his mouth to stop her from having those thoughts but she continued with a sad look: "You once promised me you would never make me feel small or insecure. You once promised to always be there for me. You once promised me that I was the "only one" and that you loved me. You promised to be there for me so many times, Sirius. But somehow you broke them all and I don't know what to do with these broken promises. I love you and that's not going to change, but I- I just don't know what to do with it when you- you hurt me so much and make me feel so insecure... So actually, you do know what that feels like...just differently." She confessed to him and completely burst into tears.

Sirius, who had tears in his own eyes, looked at her with a pained smile, which made her cry even more. He broke the distance between them and took her in his arms. He pressed her tightly against him and had to bend down to put his face in the crook of her neck. She clung to his shoulders and pressed her face into his chest to breathe in his familiar scent.

They stood like that for a while. Both crying, holding each other as close as possible. After a few minutes, Sirius slowly detached himself so he could look into her eyes.

"You don't know how sorry I am, Y/N. I don't want to hurt you! Merlin, when I think about the fact that I did it, I want to hurt myself. You're- you're- Damn, I'm not good with words!" he laughed and even Y/N had to smile a little.

,,I love you. For everything you do and for everything you say. I love you for who you are and for those little things you do for others. And I will- will never stand you up or break the promises I made to you ever again. I swear I will do my best, Y/N....and I am so grateful that you love me because I never wanted anything else in my life! You don't have to forgive me now...I understand if you don't, honestly." He said softly so she could just hear.

She smiled slightly at him and said laughing: "So if you kiss me now, it'll make things a bit better."

Sirius grinned and closed the distance between them, placing his warm lips on hers. He kissed her softly and lovingly, as if afraid to scare her away, but she didn't go. She deepened their kiss a little and sighed into his mouth.

As they kissed there like that, in front of the howling hut with dried tears on their cheeks, Y/N knew that everything would be allright again....

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salemwritesxx · 3 years

Text

𝓽𝓸𝓰𝓮𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻.

𝕋 𝕒 𝕜 𝕒 𝕞 𝕚 𝕂 𝕖 𝕚 𝕘 𝕠 | ℍ 𝕒 𝕨 𝕜 𝕤

⇴ male reader ⇴ all characters are depicted as [18]+

↳ request: Can you write a story where pregnant hawks goes into labor and gives birth? I just wanna know the whole process for him and what he would be feeling

↣ rating: mature ↣ warnings: male pregnancy, c-section surgery

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

“[Your.last.name]-san, we really need to prepare-“

“Just 5 more minutes! Pleas-“, though being interrupted by another contraction made it hard to talk.

His legs and arms were shaking as he was leaning against the bed, trying to breath like he was taught to. Hawks’ wings losing small fluffy, red feathers all over the hospital floor with how nervous and in pain he was.

“He’ll be here soon… Just a little…”

And even though the nurse didn’t look too happy and rather concerned, she nodded again and left the room. She could give him a little bit more time, but not much…

Grabbing the phone, Hawks called you again, yet, once again, you didn’t pick up. With a whine, he threw the phone back onto the bed. Beads of sweat trickling over his forehead and dropping onto the sheets as another contraction made him wince and quietly whimper.

God, he was going to kill you if you wouldn’t come here soon!

Though, before he could throw even more curse words at you, the door opened and a familiar face made his heart jump. Just like that, he broke down with a sob. It was unusual for Keigo to cry, but seeing you finally here was just too much. The situation was so overwhelming. He was about to get surgery to meet your new baby and then-

But, as you rushed to his side and hugged him, he just snuggled into you. Everything already forgotten as he melted into your arms.

“It took too long!”, he whined and sobbed, another contraction making him wince.

“I know, I’m sorry, Baby. But I’m here now. I’m here.”, you reassured him, before finally calling the nurse once more.

It was time to deliver your baby girl.

Watching as you stayed back as he rolled into the OR was hard. But Keigo knew it was only for a few minutes before he was going to see you again. With a little bit of help from a nurse, he stood up from the bed and sat down onto the operating table.

Sitting there hunched over, he hugged a pillow as a nurse held his shoulders. Another nurse softly, but firmly, pushed his wings to the side. A small hiss escaped his throat as they started the lidocaine shots. Four altogether. They were pretty painful, even though he was used to getting beat up as a hero, it still stung and burned. Like that, Keigo had to breathe through it, not even able to react to any of the attempts the nurse made to try and distract him from the pain by trying some small talk.

Thankfully, he did not feel the spinal block anymore due to the lidocaine kicking in almost immediately. At that point though, everything happened so fast as he had to bring his legs up onto the operating table before he completely lost any feeling whatsoever in them because of the spinal anesthesia.

With a pillow under his head and soft blankets to keep him warm, as well as his wings being tucked away comfortably, he laid there for a few minutes until he got his catheter. And then, once that was over, they put the sterile curtain up and he finally saw you again.

As you sat down besides Hawks’ head with the appropriate attire to be in the operating room, he immediately searched for your hand, hence you took and squeezed it gently.

“You okay, Shortcake?”, you kissed the back of his hand.

He just nodded while looking around the sterile room once again. The bright lights and stark walls were a little daunting. And even though he wasn’t cold or that scared, just nervous and intimidated, Hawks couldn’t stop shaking.

Though, thankfully, the anesthesiologist calmed both of your minds when they said it was a side effect from the anesthesia. So, you just squeezed his hand more and kissed his little fingers over and over again.

“I love, Baby, you’re amazing.”, reaching out your other hand, you softly wiped a wet strand of hair from his forehead.

“You’re doing so good. I’m so proud of you, Kei.”

And then, with one last check of his name and birthday, they started. Immediately, Hawks felt tugging and pulling and a lot of pressure. Nothing the anesthesiologist hadn’t told him beforehand, but it was still a weird feeling. As if random people were grabbing his baby bump and just pulling it side to side. Not painful, but very strange nonetheless.

“You’re so amazing, Shortcake. We will meet our little baby girl soon. I’m so excited.”

A crooked, but genuine smile appeared as he sniffled and nodded lightly.

“Me too.”

He was so grateful that you were there. Kei knew he couldn’t have done it without you, even if they probably would have forced him in the end if you wouldn’t have made it in time. But now he didn’t need to worry about that anymore. You were there, holding his hand and being with him while something amazing and almost… surreal was going on down there. Like shit… You were going to meet your little chicken nugget in a few minutes!

The anesthesiologist checked in here and there, making sure Hawks was still doing fine. Which, thankfully, he was. He didn’t feel any pain, just lots of pressure. And his nerves had calmed down to a point where he didn’t feel sick anymore.

“Okay, Baby’s coming out now!”, the doctor in charge suddenly said, hence you squeezed his hand a little tighter.

With just that sentence alone Hawks’ nervousness peaked once again. His emotions all over the place once more. He took a deep breath and grabbed your hand really hard. Though all he could feel was the pressure and before he could really realize what was happening, they lifted your baby up into the air. That’s when you could both see her for the first time. Immediately, he had to swallow his sob as he watched his little girl.

One glance to you was also enough to make him want to cry out of happiness. Your own eyes were glazed as you tried to hold back tears, while a big, happy smile appeared on your face.

“[Your.name]…”, Keigo barely sniffled your name.

“You did amazing, Baby. So amazing.”, you both looked to the side to the small table as they got some fluids out of her lungs and stomach, nothing serious thankfully, just to double-check. The crying of her making his heart ache, because all he wanted to do was grab her and love her already.

Fortunately, the table was only a few meters away, hence he could watch them all the time as they cleaned and weighed your baby. And after just a few minutes, a nurse brought the swaddled girl over and that’s when he could finally hold her for the first time.

That certainly was the most magical moment. With you by his side, the baby on his chest, it was intimate and beautiful.

“Well, she is just as tiny as her Daddy, huh?”, you chuckled and kissed his forehead while softly caressing her small cheek.

Hawks could just nod and smile, before he looked up and whispered “I love you.” with tears in his eyes.

“I love you, too.”, you mumbled back and pecked his lips.

Even though he didn’t want to let go, a nurse gently pulled you away from him together with your little girl.

“Everything will be over soon.”, you reassured him one last time, before you walked out and into the hospital room he had been assigned to.

And while you had your little one-on-one moment with your baby, Hawks was nervously waiting for it to end as they closed his wound and got him situated again.

It took almost 40 minutes where he was alone in the operating room and just craving to be by your side and hold his baby, that he couldn’t help but cry in the middle of it. All of this was a very emotional experience. It was an emotional rollercoaster, really.

Though, when he was laying naked and vulnerable on the hospital bed again, as they had stripped him of the hospital gown completely, he finally came out of the operating room and into his assigned room. Covered in warm blankets to keep his small, yet so incredibly strong body warm. His mood instantly better when he saw you sitting on a chair and holding your baby girl.

You stood up immediately and walked over once he was ready and the nurses left you alone for just a few moments. Softly placing the little one onto his naked chest, Hawks held her again in a tight, yet gentle grip, as if he never wanted to let go again.

He was groggy, but so happy. The selfie you took showed you both beaming with happiness. A photo you would forever treasure.

“She is beautiful.”

“She is. Our sweet little Ava.”, you whispered back and kissed his forehead.

“You are really… the most amazing man I know, Kei. I love you so much.”

And as he grinned from ear to ear with how happy he was, his golden eyes filled with tears and shimmered as he whispered those love-filled words back. So incredibly thankful that everything turned out alright and he could hold Ava in his arms and have you by his side now.

He knew it would get tough from here on out. Not only because he had to recover from this big surgery, which meant you had to take care of Ava almost alone in the first few weeks, (which was pretty hard for him, because he wasn’t someone to just lay down and let everyone serve him), but also because family life was going to be so new. Yet, he was also excited. To experience this with you, because he could have not wanted any other man by his side right now, than you.

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

@salemwritesxx || do not repost, edit, modify or translate my works

⇻ salem.talks: this request came in like two days ago? and yeah like i said, i saw it and knew i had to write it! i loved it! such an intimate moment with our birb boy is just lovely, no? 💌 and i have lots of fun finding names for the baby that have something to do with birds or flying or something lmao

#salemswriting.#takami keigo #hawks x reader #hawks x male reader #bnha x male reader #bottom hawks #hawks x you #male pregnancy #mpreg #bnha x reader

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squishytenya · 3 years

Note

May I get aizawa and hizashi forgetting your birthday

Of course you can my love! Sorry this took me a little while btw mwah ily

𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐁𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐝𝐚𝐲

Pairings: Hizashi Yamada (Present Mic), Aizawa Shouta (Eraserhead) x gn!reader

Notes: i love this series and i love getting asked for part 2 of things so asdjhl this was exciting! Hope you guys enjoy <3

Warnings: arguments (Aizawa) but not for a long time, sadness, insecurity, in case you didn’t realise they forget the readers birthday, cursing (aizawa)

━Hizashi Yamada (Present Mic)

Look, Hizashi is a very busy man and this is something you know

So when he cancels your dates, you’re mostly understanding and he always reschedules anyway

But you can’t exactly reschedule your birthday can you

Which is the exact thought you have while sitting alone on your sofa

He’ll be home soon though, right?

It’s 10pm when you finally five up. Your clothes are creased from you lounging on the couch. You had gotten ready at 6pm since that was when he got off of UA. Yet 4 hours later and your apartment was still empty besides you. You rubbed your arms, embarrassed for being so excited. Of course, he hadn’t actually said he was taking you anywhere but you just assumed since that’s what he did ever year since you met.

It was 11pm when he finally showed up. The bags under his eyes let you know just how tired he was and you felt slightly guilty for the verbal thrashing he was about to get.

“Hey baby, what are you all dolled up for?” He sung, tired voice carrying through the silence

“Oh nothing” you scoffed, crossing your arms, “only my birthday dinner”

The man froze. Your face was blank but your eyes swam with hurt. It wasn’t like him to do this kind of thing. He had never forgotten a birthday before or an anniversary. Hizashi was very organised when it came to events, especially ones that concern you.

Which is probably why he held such a devastated look on his face. He took a few steps towards you and cringed when you shuffled away. Sitting on the sofa, he turned to you. The remorse was evident in his face and it was probably that which tipped you over the edge. Tears started streaming down your face. You looked away, the guilt was evident enough on his face and you doubt you could’ve kept up the anger if you were looking.

Soft fingers held your chin softly, pulling it so your partner could see your tearyface.

“I’m so sorry y/n” he sighed, “I’m just tired and been so caught up with work y'know?”

You sniffled, nuzzling into his hand to show you were listening. His own eyes were tearing up now and you could see the guilt swirling throughout the colour you loved so much. It was obvious he hadn’t meant it but you still hurt.

“I promise I’ll make it up to you tomorrow gorgeous, take the whole day off just for us two?”

Nodding, you rested your head on his shoulder. He hummed you to sleep and your both pretended not to feel the guilty tears dripping down his face. It was a conversation you could have tomorrow. You trusted him to make it up to you, malicious wasn’t a word you would use to describe your partner.

“I love you” he mused, kissing your head as your eyes slipped closed.

━Shouta Aizawa (Eraserhead)

You wish you could say that Shouta wasn’t the type to forget things

He forgot a lot of things but never something like this

Your birthday and anniversaries were like the one thing he remember

There have been more than a few rain checks called last minute but you never really cared

He always made them up to you in some way but this one was different

It was dark already. You hadn’t felt particularly safe in this part of town but while you were waiting it had started raining and now your paranoia was getting to you. It wasn’t even an unsafe part of town but you were alone and already emotionally vulnerable from being ditched for almost four hours by your long term partner. It was now reaching 11 and you were ready to cry.

Finally, you decided to call Nemuri, explaining to her what happened and where you were. The usually happy woman scoffed into the phone at her friends actions and came to pick you up. You were soaking and broke down in her passenger seat as she drove you home.

You shut the door quietly as you walked into your home. You were wet, crying and tired. An interaction with aizawa would have you breaking down in a way you really didn’t need tonight. Just your luck.

“Where have you been?”

You glared at the man on the sofa. He was lounging in a pair of old pyjama trousers, settled ont he sofa as if he hadn’t just humiliated you.

“Really Shouta?” He flinched at the use of his full name, “I’ve been standing outside of a restaurant alone for four hours, waiting for my partner to come and celebrate my birthday”

He checked the date on the calendar on your coffee table.

“Y/n, I-“

“Do you know how humiliating that was? You forgot my birthday, Shou!”

Your voice broke saying his name. You sank down onto the floor, head in your hands. The exhaustion was finally catching up to you, meaning you didn’t protest when strong arms wrapped around you and a familiar scent surrounded your body. His hands rubbed up and down your shoulders, calming you until you could speak.

“I’m sorry kitten, i can’t tell you why other than it just slipped my mind” he murmured into your hair, “I’ll make it up to you i promise”

You sniffled, tucking your head into his neck. You were still a little angry, still very upset but the feeling of his arms around you was a comfort you would allow yourself to indulge in. You trusted aizawa and knew he would make it up to you. This was something that could be sorted tomorrow and for now you just wanted to sleep in the safety of his arms.

“I’ll be better for you, I promise”

I feel like this was lowkey shitty but it’s all good, hope you guys enjoy and request are currently open!

Remember that reblogs and feedback help content creators! And that ily guys all very much!!

#bnha x reader #bnha headcanons #bnha fluff #bnha angst #bnha imagine #aizawa x reader #aizawa shouta imagine #aizawa shouta x reader #aizawa shouta headcanons #aizawa headcanons #hizashi yamada headcanons #hizashi Yamada x reader #present mic x reader #present mic imagine #present mic fluff #aizawa fluff #aizawa angst #present mic angst #present mic headcanons

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majestyeverlasting · 3 years

Note

Hi!! Could you write for Bucky prompts 4 and 26??

♡ Hi, Anon!! I love this prompt pairing so much! Thank you for requesting this, and for waiting on me to get around to it! In this one, Bucky and the reader visit a park in Brooklyn that stirs up some nostalgic memories. But what he doesn't know is that, later that night, he'll learn that he's going to be a father. There's some pretty fall imagery and lots of sweet moments. I hope you like it! (Note: this isn’t canon regarding Bucky’s true age)

♡ Prompt 4: "Remember we used to come here when we were kids?"

♡ Prompt 26: “I’m not reading this thing wrong, am I? You’re really pregnant?”

All I Ever Wanted

There was a crispness to the evening air as the beginnings of fall settled within Brooklyn. The trees of Prospect Park, once green, were slowly transitioning into rich shades of orange and red. As you and Bucky walked along one of the pathways, leaves crunching beneath your shoes, there was an absence of car engines and horns—it was peaceful. All there was to be heard was chirping birds, the soft chatter of other park-goers, and the occasional whir of a cyclist’s wheels whenever one passed by.

Upon reaching a wooden bridge, the gentle sound of flowing water emerged as well. Beneath it, was a slender waterfall that fed into a small pond with dead leaves floating on the surface. Bucky wrapped an arm around your waist as the two of you admired it from over the railing. Somehow the whole day, including that moment itself, had managed to feel like a dream.

The two of you hadn’t been to Prospect Park in what felt like forever. Life had a way of sweeping you up in winds of responsibility that kept you from enjoying moments of stillness. But those winds had since drifted elsewhere, leaving the two of you with the freedom to simply be. Venturing out into nature and away from the noise had been Bucky’s suggestion earlier that morning. There was no place like the outdoors that was capable of soothing the soul.

“Look, doll,” he said eventually. Your eyes followed where his free hand pointed.

On one of the big rocks peeking out of the water below, a yellow butterfly had perched itself on a rock. “Yeah, I see it. It’s so pretty.” You smiled when he gave you a gentle squeeze.

“You know what butterflies symbolize?” You met his gaze, willing for him to continue. “Life and new beginnings,” he said, pressing a kiss to your temple.

For a fraction of a second, you froze. You’d managed to keep yourself collected for the entirety of the day, but hearing those words quickened your heartbeat. Enough so that you became all the more reminded of what he didn’t know—not yet.

That morning, as he spoke to you through the bathroom door about going to Prospect Park, you’d been staring at a positive pregnancy test. You barely had enough breath to agree to the outing. And when he’d asked if you were okay, you told him you were fine, but left out the fact that your lives would be changing forever in the months to come.

The two lines on the stick explained weeks worth of your body trying to communicate to you. It explained that deep sense of knowing that refused to go away. To say that you wanted to merely tell Bucky would’ve been the largest understatement of your lifetime. With all the emotions that stirred within you, you wanted to scream, cry, and jump at the same time.

A voice within you encouraged you to make the moment you told Bucky really special and intimate. Especially considering every turn that his life had taken over the years. So you vowed to wait until the two of you arrived home from your evening at the park.

“Life and new beginnings,” you repeated. You were already aware that such was associated with butterflies, but hearing him say it in that moment carried a certain magnitude. “I love the sound of that.”

Later, after walking further, you found yourselves nestled on one of the benches overlooking the lake. The water sparkled in the warm light of the sun as it prepared to set. A couple men stood peppered along the bank fishing. Children giggled as they chased after each other. Paired with the fall trees and colors all around, it was nothing short of a beautiful scene.

You let your head rest on Bucky’s shoulder, and took his real hand in yours to play with his fingers. There was a time, years ago, when the two of you would play along that same lake—throughout the whole park, actually.

You were the first to speak after a while, “Remember we used to come here when we were kids?” You straightened up from his shoulder to look at him.

“Of course I do,” he said, a smile starting on his face. “Especially during the summer. We’d always try to find open fire hydrants to play in after we left. And if we were lucky, our mom’s would let us get ice cream or shaved ice,” he recounted, chuckling. “Those were the days.”

You shook your head. “I know. Now look at us.” About to have a child of our own, you thought.

“Yup. Time flies when you’re having fun,” he said, casting out a brief look around at the serenic evening. Then he focused back on you, his tone shifting, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah...” you tried not to answer too fast. “Why?”

Bucky narrowed his eyes a bit and gave a shrug. “I don’t know, I can just tell that something’s on your mind—ever since this morning,” he noted. “But you have yet to tell me what that something is, pretty girl.”

It took everything not to tell him right then and there, as you sat under a blue and orange sky in the park you knew like the back of your hand.

You offered him half a smile. “I’m that easy to read?”

He lifted a shoulder. “Not necessarily. I’ve been reading you for a long time so it’s easy.” You allowed yourself to chuckle when he playfully quirked his brows. “So am I gonna have to work really hard to coax it out of you?”

You shook your head earnestly. “I promise I'll tell you when we get home… I have something to show you.”

On your way out of the park, there was a mama duck waddling under a tree with her ducklings trailing behind her.

It wasn’t until after you and Bucky made it back to your apartment, and had changed into something comfortable, that you told him you were ready. He sat on the edge of the bed as you went to retrieve the small gift box holding the pregnancy test. It was a miracle that you had had enough supplies left over from birthdays and holidays to be able to make it look as presentable as it did.

You extended it to him from a couple feet away. So much anticipation had built within you that you felt light, and as though you were buzzing.

Bucky accepted the box, and looked up at you. There was a sparkle in his blue eyes. “Why are you standing a mile away from me? C’mere.” You inched closer, and laughed when he pulled you to stand more so between his spread legs.

As he began to undo the white ribbon on the box, your lower lip was secured between your teeth. It seemed as though he was moving entirely too slow and fast at the same time.

As soon as he popped the lid off to reveal the pregnancy test sitting on top of little strips of crinkled, beige paper strips, your heartbeat sped up. Bucky’s attention lingered on the test. When he finally looked up, his gaze attested to the influx of thoughts that had been sparked into motion within his mind.

“I’m not reading this thing wrong, am I?” He briefly looked back down to stick again. Two lines. “You’re really pregnant?”

A smile broke across your face. With the news out, it felt as though you were uncaging a group of birds that had been longing for freedom for way too long. Before you could say anything else, Bucky set the box aside and stood to press his lips to yours. You stumbled back at the intentness in which he gripped your waist. It was a kiss that you felt every part of him through; his love, his passion, his warmth. And an intoxicating mix of joy and expectation.

He pulled away just enough to speak. “We’re gonna be parents?” His breath fanned over your lips. Then he leaned back in to kiss you once more, a soft peck. “You’re carrying our child?”

Bucky’s hands slipped under your shirt, and the feeling of palms against your skin was pleasant in the best way. One was cooler than the other, but they were both gentle and reverent.

“Yes,” you breathed. “I found out this morning.”

He scratched gently at your stomach, sending a shiver through you. “You managed to keep it to yourself the whole day. That’s what was on your mind?” He kissed you again.

“You have no idea how bad I wanted to tell you. No idea.” You brought your hands up to his cheeks, the budding stubble scratchy against your palms. “But I wanted to wait until we came back from Prospect.”

Bucky released a breath after a few beats of silence. “I don’t even know what to say,” he said, voice low. “This is so crazy—a good crazy.”

“I know. I’m happy and terrified at the same time,” you admitted. “I’ve never felt this way in my entire life, but it feels….”

“Good,” he finished.

A laugh escaped you. “Yeah.”

Seconds later, he was getting down onto his knees to be level with your stomach. It wasn’t until he lifted your shirt to press a kiss to your stomach that the reality of the moment set in. For the first time since learning about your pregnancy, tears slipped down your cheeks.

Bucky heard you sniffle, and stood back up to take your hands in his. “This is all I ever wanted, you know that, doll?” A few tears had come to the waterline of his eyes. “A beautiful wife, a family. This is all something I thought I’d never have.”

You sniffled again, nodding. “You deserve everything,” you murmured.

“I have my everything right in front of me.”

Without waiting another moment, you wrapped your arms around his waist and squeezed him tighter than you had in a while. Parents. The two of you were going to be parents.

Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave a comment, if you'd like. For more fluffy Bucky Barnes fics, click here.

#Bucky barnes #bucky imagine #bucky x female reader #bucky x you #bucky fluff #bucky fanfic #bucky x reader #avengers fluff #the avengers #marvel #marvel fluff #winter soldier #sebastian stan #fatws

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valdomarx · 4 years

Text

A Marriage of Convenience

Octoberfest romcom tropes day 1: fake dating

Jaskier pushed his ale aside and broke the wax seal on the letter. As he read the contents, his face pinched into a frown.

“Anything important?” Geralt asked, glancing up from his soup.

Jaskier chewed his lower lip. “Not really. It’s from my family.” He took a breath. “They’re going to disinherit me.”

Geralt raised an eyebrow. “What did you do this time?”

Jaskier scoffed. “Nothing, thank you very much! But it’s my 35th birthday next month, and the stipulations of the Lettenhove family will are quite clear. If the oldest son isn’t married by the age of 35, inheritance passes to the next married cousin.”

“Very keen on weddings in Lettenhove, are they?”

“Rather less keen on unmarried bachelors, actually.”

Geralt grunted. “That’s too bad. I imagine a viscount’s fortune could have come in handy for you.”

“Oh, I don’t care about the money.” Jaskier waved a hand dismissively. “It’s just,” he sighed. “I have younger sisters who rely on me for support. If the inheritance goes to cousin Edward, he’ll turn them out without a penny to their names.”

“That’s unkind.”

“It is.” Jaskier slumped. He was glad to have left Lettenhove and its court intrigues behind, but the thought of his sisters being at the mercy of his greedy cousin was unconscionable. He knew too well all the terrible things that could befall a woman alone in the world.

“This will,” Geralt said, stirring his soup absentmindedly, “does it have any rules about who you have to marry?”

“No. Any old wedding will do. But it’s not like I’m going to find anyone willing to tie themselves to me in the next month.”

Geralt shrugged one shoulder. “I’ll marry you.”

Jaskier choked on his ale. “You?”

“Why not?”

“Because…” he broke off and mopped the sweat from his brow. Because I’ve been in love with you for decades. Because I’ve fantasised about you saying this in a million different ways. Because having to pretend it’s real is going to break my heart.

Geralt reached over the table and patted his hand. “It’ll just be pretend,” he said, as if that were in any way reassuring. “This is a problem easily solved. Let me help you.”

Jaskier sagged. This was going to be a disaster.

“This is going to be a disaster!” Jaskier paced anxiously around their room. “There are so many ways this could go horribly wrong.”

Geralt sat on the bed counting bundles of herbs. “It’ll be fine.” He was infuriatingly calm. “We’ll head to Lettenhove, have a quick wedding, get your family off your back, and be on our way. It’ll only take a few days.”

“But,” Jaskier kept pacing. “We’ll have to. You know. We’ll have to do couple things. There are certain… expectations of a newly married pair.”

Geralt got to his feet and placed his hands on Jaskier’s shoulders, stopping his anxious traipsing. “We’ll manage. Can’t be any worse than fighting drowners.”

Jaskier looked into amber eyes and felt his heart turn over in his chest. “Everyone will expect us to be holding hands, and kissing, and gods know what else. And you can’t do that.” He sighed. “You don’t even like men.”

Geralt leaned in closer, close enough that strands of his silver hair tickled Jaskier’s cheek. “I like men just fine,” he said, and pressed a gentle kiss to the corner of his mouth.

Then Jaskier did something terribly foolish. His body moved before his mind, his feet stepping closer, his arms wrapping around Geralt’s neck. He kissed him, hard, and to his astonishment Geralt kissed him back hungrily, lips parting to allow Jaskier to taste him fully, tongue exploring, hands roaming, and by the time they broke apart Jaskier was flushed and breathing hard.

“See?” Geralt said, his deep voice sending a shiver up his spine. “We can do this.”

Jaskier wrote to his family to tell them the good news, and he and Geralt wasted no time in heading off to Lettenhove. The journey was long but nothing they were unused to. They traveled by day, slept under the stars by night, and Geralt even picked up a few quick contracts to help pay their way.

It was comfortable, and normal, and Jaskier could almost forget about what he was about to put himself through.

At least, until they reached the outskirts of Lettenhove and they heard the whoosh of an incoming portal. The ground shook, the air rippled, and through the rent in reality stepped Yennefer, terrifying and beautiful as ever.

She raised one perfectly arched eyebrow at them. “I hear congratulations are in order.”

Jaskier couldn’t even bring himself to come up with a snarky reply as she swept past him and went to Geralt. He stood back and watched the two of them, powerful and dazzling together, each other’s equals in capability and composure.

He had never had a chance in this competition, he thought bitterly. He would be pretending with Geralt, while she had his heart for real.

Jaskier was left at camp while Geralt and Yennefer went off to do... whatever it was they did together. (He could guess what that was.) He spent a cold, lonely night with no one but Roach for company, berating himself for feeling so hurt by something he knew from the beginning was nothing but a ruse.

With their arrival in Lettenhove proper, there was nothing to do but face his family. The brightest spot of his day was walking into the estate and having his sisters squeal and jump on him just as they had done as children.

He stopped laughing and caught his breath long enough to introduce them. “Essi and Priscilla, this is Geralt.” My husband to be, he thought, and something twisted inside him at that. “Geralt, these are my troublesome sisters.”

Essi dipped her head and Priscilla performed a theatrical bow. “We were wondering if Jaskier would ever settle down,” Essi said with a sly smile.

“But seeing how handsome you are, I can’t blame him!” Priscilla replied, and the two of them broke into fits of giggles.

Geralt, for his part, took them with good humour. Where Jaskier had been expecting him to be dour, he smiled indulgently and took each of their hands in turn and pressed a kiss to their knuckles, resulting in another uproar of giggling.

“Thank you for that,” Jaskier said quietly as they made their way to the room waiting for them.

Geralt inclined his head. “Have to make a good impression on the future in-laws,” he said, the corner of his lips quirking upward in amusement.

The rest of his family were predictable as clockwork. Cousin Edward was sour, his father was distant, and his mother was simply relieved to see him married off as was proper. Geralt sat through all of it with more patience and good grace than Jaskier would have thought him capable of.

The day of the wedding itself passed in a blur. With such short notice the ceremony was terribly paired down by noble standards, but still, there was the formal breakfast, the dressing in formal garments, the journey to the temple outside of the city, the clamour of priestesses and officials and his family, the exchanging of rings, the reading of texts, and of course the formal dinner.

Jaskier barely remembered any of it. Looking back, the only thing that stuck out in his mind was the feeling of Geralt’s hand clasping his own during the handfasting. And the way that, whenever he was feeling overwhelmed over the course of the day, Geralt’s hand would find his own and give a comforting squeeze.

Finally the ceremonies were complete and they were left in peace in their chambers, the two of them alone for the first time all day. Geralt’s hair had been braided into two slim plaits running either side of his face, though by now they were starting to become mussed. He’d even put on a shirt of dark blue silk as opposed to his standard uniform of all black. The effect was quite stunning.

As the door closed, Jaskier’s shoulders slumped and he breathed for what felt like the first time in hours.

Geralt cupped one cheek tenderly. “You good?”

Jaskier exhaled, letting the anxiety and stress of the day slowly unwind. He looked into Geralt’s warm eyes and felt, for once, safe and unjudged. “I’m good.”

Geralt brought their lips together, soft as could be, and Jaskier’s knees shook. He grabbed Geralt’s forearms to hold himself upright and, desperate for some sort of control, some sort of meaning, he pulled him into a deep, passionate kiss.

This was a bad idea, he was aware, but Geralt felt so good in his arms. He ran his hands through silky silver hair like he’d always wanted to, he pressed himself close to that muscled chest he’d spent more time than he should have admiring, and he moaned unrestrainedly when Geralt picked him up, locking his legs around his waist.

This was a terrible idea, he knew, but Geralt carried him over to the bed with firm, confident steps, and the temptation to touch, to hold, to kiss was overwhelming. This would only lead to heartache, but he was weak in the face of love, as always.

Geralt laid him out and took him apart with soft lips and careful fingers and a wicked tongue, and it was everything he’d been dreaming of for years, and yet so much more intense than anything he could have imagined. Geralt was dazzling beneath him, warm amber eyes and pale scarred flesh, beautiful and kind and more than he could possibly deserve.

Nuptial celebrations in Lettenhove were mercifully brief, and with the ceremony completed and recorded to the satisfaction of the genealogists, they were free to depart.

There were, however, some customs which could not be avoided.

“You’ll be honeymooning nearby?” Jaskier’s mother asked, with the understanding that this was not a question.

“Actually, we thought -”

“They’ll be staying in my cottage, won’t you?” Priscilla interjected. She’d availed herself of her position, such as it was, to secure a tiny ramshackle cottage on the Kerack coast. It wasn’t opulent but it was, thankfully, far from prying eyes.

Jaskier gave her a tiny nod of thanks and she winked.

“A cottage?” His mother’s lip turned up in distaste. “How quaint.”

“And there’s ever so much to pack, so we must be on our way -” he excused himself with a bow, tugging Geralt behind him.

Out of the view of their parents, Priscilla and Essi set upon him with hugs and kisses, thanked him for saving them from the horrors of cousin Edward, and packed up an obscene quantity of cheeses and wine to take with them.

By the time they departed the estate, Jaskier was even smiling.

It was quiet and calm on the coast. The cottage overlooked the sea, rolling and tempestuous, and had just enough space for a kitchen, a bed, and a bath. They had everything they needed, even a stable for Roach outside.

Even though it was only for a few days, Jaskier imagined Geralt would be bored and unhappy, feeling trapped in a place so small. But he seemed content: riding along the coastline in the morning, brushing Roach out, going fishing in the afternoon, preparing the catch for their evening meal.

Jaskier showed him his favourite spices and how to prepare the fish with butter to make it rich and indulgent, and in the quiet moments he wrote poetry or simply sat on the battered chair on the porch of the cottage and watched the waves.

Geralt returned to the cottage with a net bulging with fish and a smile on his face. He’d been doing that more recently, Jaskier had noticed, smiling in a way that seemed natural and unforced. He even left his armour and swords in the cottage and waded down to the sea in just his trousers and shirtsleeves, disarmingly casual.

It was comfortable, almost domestic.

And it was a torment, showing Jaskier a tiny glimpse of a life he’d never have.

Their last night on the coast, Geralt cooked the remainder of their provisions into a feast, poured the best wine they had, and set a fire in the hearth. He piled up blankets and pillows, laid down their warmest furs, and pulled Jaskier into his arms in front of the flames.

“Thank you,” he said, dotting kisses in a line up Jaskier’s neck, “for taking such good care of me.”

Jaskier fidgeted unhappily. “You’re the one doing me a favour,” he reminded him. That seemed important to remember. This was a favour from a friend, nothing more.

Geralt hummed against his neck, the vibrations rippling against his skin. “I can see some advantages to me,” he murmured, continuing his line of kisses up Jaskier’s jaw and toward his lips.

Jaskier, stupidly, allowed Geralt to turn him around, hands delicate around his waist, allowed him to bring their lips together. He allowed a kiss, soft at first, and then another, more intense, moaning into Geralt’s mouth.

“Can I interest you in an early night?” Geralt purred in his ear, and everything in Jaskier’s body said yes, and everything in his mind said no.

Eventually, his mind won out and he pushed Geralt away.

“No,” he said, struggling to keep his voice steady. “I can’t. I won’t. I’m sorry, Geralt, but this was a terrible mistake.”

He pushed himself to his feet, ignoring Geralt’s sad expression. He was hit by the urge to run, but there was nowhere to go, nowhere to hide. Tears welled in his eyes.

“Hey,” Geralt’s voice was so soft behind him. “It’s okay, Jaskier. Whatever it is. I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable. I won’t do it again.”

Jaskier deflated. He turned to face Geralt, watery eyes and all. “That’s not the problem. I don’t want you to stop. I want this to be real.”

Geralt stood carefully still. “What do you mean, real?”

Jaskier took a breath, tried to imagine how to explain himself, how to convey what he felt. “I’m in love with you!” he snapped in the end. Not his most eloquent work, but perhaps his most honest.

Geralt tilted his head. “I know,” he said. He looked down at the ring on his finger. “Isn’t that the point?”

“The point?” Jaskier exploded. “The point!” He couldn’t stop himself from waving his arms as he ranted. “Oh, sure, I’m certain that the ideal marriage is between one person who’s hopelessly in love and one person who’s indifferent and besotted with another. I’m sure Yennefer will be delighted when she hears about this whole situation.”

Geralt’s eyes narrowed. “You think I’m in love with Yennefer?”

“Yes! Obviously!”

He paused, obviously weighing his words. “That night when she visited us outside Lettenhove, she wasn’t surprised by the news. She told me congratulations, and that it had taken long enough. I think she knew long before I did that I wasn’t in love with her, not really. My heart already belonged to another.”

Jaskier’s breath caught in his throat. “You mean… You and her, you’re not...”

Geralt shook his head. “What she most wants is something I can’t give her.”

“And you?” Jaskier asked, dreading the answer.

Geralt took his hand. “What I most want,” he stroked his thumb over the ring around Jaskier’s finger, “is something I already have.”

Jaskier’s heart leapt. It was almost too much. It was overwhelming. “You really love me?”

Geralt smiled softly. “I really do.”

Jaskier threw himself into Geralt’s lap, arms around his neck, foreheads pressed together. “Tell me again,” he said, because he was needy.

“I love you,” Geralt said, kissing down the side of his face. “I love you,” he said, lacing their fingers together against the furs. “I love you,” he said, their bodies moving together, finally free to feel with the intensity they had been hiding for so long, their scents mingling together with the fresh salt tang of the sea.

The sun shone brightly and the wind whipped their hair as they packed up Roach the next morning. Jaskier paused to admire the view one last time: The rolling waves, the steep cliffs, the shingled beach.

Geralt slipped his arms around his waist from behind and dropped a kiss just beneath his ear.

“What does our life look like now?” Jaskier asked, eyes on the waves.

He felt Geralt’s smile against his hair. “Much the same as before,” he said. “With perhaps a few improvements.”

Jaskier turned then and kissed him fully, no need to hold himself back, taking Geralt’s hand and running his fingers over the ring there.

“Ready to head back to the Path?”

Geralt smiled, and Jaskier would never tire of that. “Ready if you are,” he said with softness in his eyes, “husband.”

#this just in: i am secretly soft #squeezing this in before midnight #geraskier #lesdemonium #thank you for the prompt inspo!!#octoberfest #the witcher #my writing

3K notes · View notes

starglow-xx · 3 years

Note

hello! may i request headcanons for chuuya having a crush on someone who's dense? like he could ask them out in the most straightforward way possible and it would still go over their head?

yes, yes of course you may!

sorry this took so long! my computer was out of commission for abt a week (or two..??)

but this is also my birthday writing piece for chuuya!! (4/29/21) i even added a small drabble thingy in addition to the hcs for the occasion hehe

from where i am, it is about fifteen minutes past midnight so it’s officially chuuya day here!!

happy birthday chuuya i love you! you deserve the whole world and everyone is willing to fight tooth and nail to ensure your happiness! we love you! 💗💗

anyways, i hope you all enjoy this! i kinda had some writer’s block but it was still a lot of fun to write! there might be some mistakes, but i’ll scan over it again later. reader is gender neutral! have fun!

chuuya having a crush on a dense! reader

nakahara chuuya x gn! reader

im cackling somebody help him

he’s frustrated bc you can’t take a hint or a thousand but he can’t even be mad bc he’s whipped

“look at you all dressed up today, wanna go out later? my treat?”

“oh really? thanks chuuya-san! you’re such a nice friend. i’ll go invite the others right now, i’ll see you later!”

“...”

fast forward to later in the evening and he finds himself at a little restaurant with the black lizard + higuchi and akutagawa

sigh

in unison all of them go, “thank you for the meal chuuya-san!” (except aku and hirotsu are quieter & and gin just a nods hehe)

“no problem” (ꐦ ´͈ ᗨ `͈ )

gin only pats him on the back in sympathy

he spends a lot of time trying to think of ways to make it absolutely and undeniably clear that he has feelings for you

he always fails

“(y/n) i like you”

“i like you too chuuya-san”

“really?”

“mhm”

“t-then will you—”

“you’re a really great friend! and superior too”

“...nevermind”

“oh were you saying something?”

“nah, just forget about it”

tachihara is laughing in the corner of the corridor

dont worry, chuuya made sure to get back at him

chuuya’s been pinning after you for years and frankly, his failed attempts to woo you has lead everyone to the breaking point

and i mean everyone

yes, even aku

hell even dazai

but dazai also thinks it’s funny, so he doesn’t mind all that much

okay bye bye dazai-san this headcanon set isn’t abt you rn

PLEASE EVERYONE FEELS SO BAD FOR HIM

they knew even if he kissed you, you still might not get it

so they decided to help him

super secret mission get chuuya and (y/n) together is a go!

they’re still working on a proper mission name, don’t mind them

they had a super secret strategy meeting!

you can bet your ass that they nearly got nothing done

akutagawa & kaiji weren’t much help, neither was higuchi, mori, or elise

tachihara nearly got killed for a thoughtless comment

“just tell them chuuya-san!”

“i already fucking did you ass!”

gin, hirotsu, and kouyou were the most helpful !!

hirotsu and kouyou both agreed on the idea that chuuya should try courting with bouquets of flowers instead of flat out asking you bc they knew you found them pretty

(even if you don’t identify as a female, flowers are for everyone no matter gender or sexuality! so let’s normalize giving flowers to everyone <33 )

gin didn’t speak but she used cards to communicate

everyone knew that you weren’t stupid (you wouldn’t have survived in the mafia if you were) but they did know that you were only stupid when it came to all this lovey dovey stuff

i mean, if chuuya gave you flowers every so often, there’s no way that you wouldn’t piece it together at some point

right...??

but kouyou assured him that even though you wouldn’t get it right away, you’d appreciate the gestures and that he’ll stand out more

she even said that if someone gave her flowers, she would appreciate it, whether or not she reciprocated their feelings

it takes guts to be so up front with your feelings after all

gin and hirotsu only nodded with her explanation

once again, this only provoked a reaction out of tachihara

“what do you know gin? i get the old man and kouyou-san, they’re grown, but you? what do you know abt courting? or flowers? what are you a girl?”

akutagawa choked on his cough, higuchi on air, and on the other side of yokohoma at the ada, dazai is cackling

yes, dazai somehow placed a listening device onto chuuya’s hat and was listening in

don’t ask how, it’s dazai

“DAZAI GET YOUR BANDAGED ASS OFF THE COUCH AND STOP LAUGHING”

anyways

the next day, chuuya did what was barely discussed and for once, things actually started to look up

until they started look to down again

at first, it actually looked like you understood his intentions after he gave you a bouquet of flowers

literally everyone was leaning against the opposite hallway you two were in and then they got excited !!

especially chuuya !

but then your expression sort of changed...??

and then in their heads they simultaneously went, “oh no”

they knew that expression

it was very familiar when you tended to friend zone chuuya

but boy let me tell you what you said next made them facepalm and or make their jaws drop

“ah, so you really are friend zoning me huh chuuya-san; what a shame, i really did like you”

LEMME TELL YOU WHEN I SAY THAT CHUUYA WAS DISTRESSED I MEAN HE WAS DISTRESSED

you liked him??

him of all people??

he wasn’t complaining, no of course not, but he still couldn’t believe it

but that wasn’t what he was really focusing on right now

what in any form or language did it say he was friend zoning you?!

flower language apparently

chuuya chose to buy the bouquet of yellow roses, pink carnations, and yellow carnations bc he thought you would appreciate the brighter colors, and so that you’d remember them better (because remembering them, meant remembering him)

but ooh boy

altogether, they meant the exact opposite message he wanted to send

someone help him pls

“you see chuuya-san, yellow roses mean friendship, pink carnations mean gratitude, and yellow carnations mean rejection; sooo in a nutshell, these pretty much say ‘thank you for being my friend, but im rejecting you”

no one can tell if tachihara is crying or wheezing

and dazai is having the time of his life

yes, he started listening in on him again

and chuuya is just stunned

like speechless and unmoving stunned

is he just bad at this whole courting/dating thing?? it’s only been one day and of it and somehow he was the one doing the rejecting??

“thank you for the flowers chuuya-san, i’ll be going now; i’ll make sure to let this affect our friendship. i’ll see you tomorrow!”

you passed by the not so subtle group of people

“tachihara-kun..?? are you alright?”

just for context, he was leaning his forehead against the wall using his forearm

again, it was hard to tell whether he was crying or wheezing

“i-im okay (y/n)-san...i think c-chuuya-san has it worse than me”

“...okay..?”

BACK TO CHUUYA

he’s still frozen poor baby

but it’s okay bc after like 5 more seconds he’s chasing you down the hallway you were walking in

kouyou, with a knowing smile on her face, ushers everyone away towards the opposite direction

she received some whines (ahem, tachihara and mori) but silenced them by summoning golden demon

but it’s okay

if they run fast enough, they can see what happens through the security cameras

chuuya caught up with you and tried to explain everything but he was exhausted

emotionally, physically (bc since when did you walk that fast??), and generally just tired with the whole situation

he just wanted to call you his; was that too much to ask??

as explosive as he can be, he can be calm and collected too

and he really did try to be that way as he talked with you but it was very difficult at the moment

the dumbfounded and confused look on your face his face twitch with annoyance and his heart started beating faster bc god you were cute

BUT THATS BESIDES THE POINT RIGHT NOW

thank goodness after what seemed like years, you finally somewhat understood what happened

you didn’t understand completely but it was something

The two of you stood in the middle of the unusually empty hallway facing each other, you with the bouquet still in hand. It was quiet as you and Chuuya assessed the situation.

You looked at him skeptically and he stared right back you with his gorgeous blue eyes.

“...So you do like me Chuuya-san??”

“Yes”

“And you were trying to court me just now, not friend zone me??”

“Yes”

You got most of your questions out of the way, but there was something that you’ve been wondering about for quite a while.

“...So you’re not gay for Dazai-san??”

“Yes, im not wait—GAY FOR DAZAI?? THAT MACKEREL??”

Chuuya did a double take. What in heavens name made it seem like he liked that suicidal maniac?? Why would he choose him if he had you?

Like he would choose him anyways; or ever consider him as a possible romantic partner.

“Oh, so you are?”

“NO! I SAID I LIKED YOU DIDN’T I?”

“Well yeah, but I thought you liked Dazai-san too. As annoying as he is, he can be quite charming—”

He was out of patience at this point (nope definitely not because you were talking about Dazai who told you that?) and just decided to kiss you.

You immediately melted into the kiss and kissed him back with the same amount of love and feeling.

Letting the bouquet fall to the ground, you wrapped you arms around his neck and his put his on your lower back and brought you closer to him. After a few more moments, the two of you broke apart for air.

The two of you, slightly out of breath, leaned your foreheads against each other and just basked in each others presence.

Chuuya looked into your (e/c) eyes and asked you just a little bit above a whisper, “Now do you get my intentions and feeling?”

You blinked at him before breaking out into a grin, “Hmm I’m not sure; do you wanna do that again Chuuya?”

The red head only blinked back at you before rolling his eyes, a smile present on his handsome features, his heart fluttering at you using his name with the honorific.

“Dumbass”

Smiling cheekily at him, you pressed a kiss on his cheek and started dragging him towards the lobby to take a walk around the building perimeter, knowing that the two of you can’t be too far from work.

The way down to the lobby was mostly in comfortable silence until you said something that made Chuuya want to bash his head against the wall.

“You know, you could’ve just told me you liked me Chuuya. It’s not like I would’ve said no.”

Once again, as the rest of the more power mafia members watch from security cameras, it is hard to tell whether Tachihara is crying or wheezing of laughter.

omake !!

The two of you just started making your way around the building when suddenly a very familiar voice came from Chuuya’s prized hat.

“Chuuyaaaa!! It was about time you stopped being a chicken, Chibi!”

Removing his hat from his head, he started yelling at it not knowing exactly where the listening device was planted.

“TEME! HOW DID YOU—”

“And (y/n)! I would congratulate you, but I think I would rather offer you my condolences. Why him?! He’s just a slimy slug. OOH OOH how would you like to join me in a double suicide?! A shame it won’t be a lover’s suicide but it’ll annoy Chuuya so I think it’ll be worth it! ”

“YOU—”

“And please don’t kiss while I’m listening in. You made me lose my appetite! And it was such a shame! I was eating crab using Kunikida-kun’s money! Do you know what you’ve cost me?!”

“DAZAI YOU PIECE OF—”

“Ah! Kunikida-kun is here! I have to go!”

You can hear something is the background that vaguely sounds like, “DAZAI YOU WASTE OF BANDAGES STOP USING MY MONEY”

“DAZAI DON’T YOU DARE LEAVE IM NOT DONE WITH—”

*Click!*

The click sound from the hat revealed that Dazai disconnected.

Chuuya twitched and glared furiously at his signature hat hating that the voice he hated the most came out of it.

“Aww, I didn’t get to talk to Dazai-san”

Chuuya whipped his head towards you, a look of mock (or real) betrayal showing on his features.

You laughed at him before taking the hat out of his hands and placing it on his head.

He shyly looked away before muttering a thanks making you smile wider. Just as the two of you were about to start walking, a small explosion erupted from his hat; it was likely that Dazai made the listening device self destruct.

“DAZAI YOU BASTARDD”

At the Armed Detective Agency, a certain suicidal maniac hid from the wrath of his current partner as he thought about the wrath his old one.

“Hmmm I wonder if Chuuya would finally stop wearing his ugly hats if I blow all of them up...”

as always, reblogs and shares are appreciated! i hope you all stay safe! and just in case nobody told you they loved you today, i love you! you are enough! <3

writing belongs to me! please do not plagiarize! the reblog button is there for a reason

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