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fortheloveofwonderland · 2 years

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Remember to Forget Me | S.R

My gif

This is for this build a blurb requested by @andiebeaword which got way out of hand. Ending is happy but slightly ambiguous.

Fic title taken from a Blink-182 song.

**There will categorically not be a part two for this so please don’t ask.**

📱Finding something on their phone you shouldn’t have

🤔Amnesia

⚠️Love Triangle

🤰🏼Pregnancy

👂🏻Overheard something they shouldn’t

Summary - decision making has never been your forte so deciding between the two men you were dating was an impossible feat. Until a car crash changes everything and even if your brain doesn’t remember, your heart certainly does.

Pairing - Spencer Reid / Fem! Reader (some Luke Alvez / Fem! Reader)

Category - angst with a fluffy ending.

Content Warnings - some Luke x reader but it will have a Spencer x reader happy ending, angst, love triangle, vague mentions of sex but still SFW, swearing, typical CM related case stuff, mentions of car accidents, minor description of injuries, pregnancy, panic attacks, brief mention of prison and PTSS, anxiety, depressive thoughts, brief mentions of Maeve, amnesia, very brief mention of dilaudid.

Word Count - 12.4K

Masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If indecisiveness was a virtue, you’d give Aristotle a run for his money.

Decision making had never been a strong suit of yours, ever since you were a small child and could never decide what toy you wanted to play with or what you wanted to eat for dinner.

Your mother always said, “the risk of a wrong decision is preferable to the terror of indecision.”

You would vehemently disagree. You would much rather not make a decision than make the wrong one. At least in your indecision you didn’t risk completely ruining things. A wrong decision was unthinkable.

Your hesitancy to make decisions had never been much of an issue thus far in your life. Sure, sometimes it meant you would go without your morning coffee when Starbucks added a new menu item and you couldn’t decide between that and your old faithful.

Sometimes it would mean you wouldn’t end up watching TV after work because you couldn’t decide between a movie or binge watching a series.

And maybe there had been a few occasions you’d flaked on drinks with your friends because you simply couldn’t pick an outfit to wear.

But for the most part, your favour for sitting on the fence has never been detrimental to your life.

Until it came to dating.

Settling down with one person was the ultimate decision, one which terrified you. Surely when it came to the man you would spend the rest of your life with, your mothers sentiment couldn’t possibly be true.

The wrong decision of whom you’d spend the rest of your life with was certainly not preferable to not making a decision at all.

Wouldn’t it simply be easier to be alone than to choose the wrong person?

As such, monogamy was a hard concept for you. You were not known as a one man kind of woman.

You always made your intentions clear with whoever you were dating, they weren’t always going to be the only man in your life and if they couldn’t handle that then you weren’t the woman for them.

For the past six months or so you had two men in your life, both who brought very different things to the table and who you cared for deeply in different ways.

They were so different they might as well be chalk and cheese and you would implore anyone to choose between them.

You met Luke Alvez at the dog park when you were walking your three year old Siberian husky Duke.

During a game of fetch, Duke had brought back much more than his chew toy.

You barely had a chance to register Duke and his new friend, a beautiful Belgian Shepherd, heading towards you because you were more entranced by another beautiful creature.

He was fresh from a run, a sheen of sweat on his forehead and soaking the fabric of his t-shirt.

He looked like an honest to god mirage as he jogged towards you, chasing down his errant dog.

Luke was not only incredibly easy on the eyes, he was gentlemanly, he brought you coffee while the two of you watched your dogs tumbling in the grass together.

He was also strong and assertive, taking control of things which you sorely needed when you were so indecisive.

In the bedroom, Luke was firm yet soft, caring with just enough roughness.

He was sharp angles, muscular and deliriously gorgeous. To top it all off, Duke and Roxy had become the best of friends.

And you could have been really happy with Luke, maybe he could have been the man you would consider settling down for.

If a few weeks later you hadn’t met Spencer Reid.

To say Spencer was the opposite of Luke in every single way was an understatement.

Whereas Luke could be best described as gorgeous, Spencer was pretty. He had the prettiest eyes and smile you’d ever seen, almost knocking you for six the first time you’d met him.

You’d been in a local bookstore, a stack of books in your arms so high you could barely see over them because of course you couldn’t decide what to buy so you were buying everything.

It had been inevitable that you would bump into someone, and you had, your pile of books crashing down to the floor.

You bent down to retrieve them and when you looked up someone was crouched in front of you, helping you gather them up.

Those hazel eyes and lop-sided smile as he handed you some books almost melted you on the spot.

As he handed you the copy of Alice in Wonderland, he started telling you facts about Lewis Carroll, aka Charles Lutwidge Dodgson and his affinity for photography before he became an author.

You hung off his every word, he sounded so sure of himself as he spoke. You would come to learn Spencer was only ever sure of himself when reciting facts and usually he was much less confident.

He invited you for coffee in the bookstore cafe which you had eagerly accepted.

For all intents and purposes, Spencer Reid was marriage material.

He was without a doubt the kindest man you’d ever met, although he wasn’t without his share of darkness. He told you all about his time spent in prison for a crime he didn’t commit and how it had changed him to the point he sometimes didn’t recognise himself.

But he was still incredibly kind and sweet, often sending you flowers or showing up with coffee just because he was thinking about you.

And the sex was equally as mind blowing with Spencer as it was with Luke, just in different ways.

Whereas you and Luke’s bedroom activities were somewhat animalistic, with Spencer it was slow, sensual and often went on for hours.

You cared deeply for both men. But you’d always shied away from decision making so why start now?

You weren’t hurting anyone. You made sure both Luke and Spencer were aware you were seeing someone else, that you weren’t solely dating them.

They’d both been ok with it, at least they’d told you they were.

But really, both men wanted more from you. Only neither of them wanted to risk losing you over forcing you to make a decision.

Turns out they were a lot more alike than you thought.

***

Spencer stifled a yawn as he exited the elevator, running his hands through his messy hair to try and tame it.

He hoped it wasn’t noticeable that he was still wearing yesterday's clothes, trying to cover it with a cardigan from his go bag.

He’d fully intended to go back to his apartment after dinner with you last night. But when you’d started kissing him on the sidewalk outside the restaurant and inviting him back to your place, he would have been an idiot to decline such an offer.

Spencer was utterly smitten with you. He’d known from the start that you were seeing someone else and he tried to be ok with that.

But the truth was, Spencer was falling in love with you and he knew it was going to end badly for him. He knew he should probably walk away before he got his heart broken.

But you were a hard woman to give up.

He strolled into the round table room where the rest of the team was already gathered, giving Emily an apologetic look for his tardiness.

He’d told you he didn’t have time for that shower quicky this morning, but you’d been persistent.

He set his satchel on the floor and slid into the chair, not noticing the eyes on him.

“Everyone else is seeing this right?” Matt spoke up.

“The fact that the kid is wearing yesterday's clothes? Oh yeah, I see it.” Rossi chuckled, causing Spencer’s cheeks to flush red.

“Is that a hickey?” Luke laughed, pointing at Spencer’s neck and Spencer slapped his hand away.

“It most certainly is not.” He pulled his shirt collar up to cover his neck and the definite hickey you’d left on him.

“Fun night, Reid?” Emily smirked at him.

“Can we…can we please just…the case, Garcia?” Spencer shrunk down in his chair.

“Don’t sweat it.” Luke patted his back. “You should see the marks my girl leaves on me.”

This only caused Spencer’s blush to deepen.

You were aware both the men you were seeing worked for the FBI but you had no idea they worked together.

And Spencer and Luke also didn’t know the woman they were seeing was one in the same.

Conveniently neither men had actually ever mentioned the name of the woman they were seeing. For almost six months it had never come to light that they were competing for the same woman’s affections.

“Ok, that’s where I draw the line. My beautiful, fragile ears do not need to be tainted by talk of newbie’s sex life.” Garcia stepped in and Spencer was extremely thankful for the spotlight to be off of him.

Garcia presented the case, a local one to which the whole team was pleased.

Spencer’s attention waned in and out, subconsciously running his fingers over the hickey that felt like it was burning his skin.

“What are you doing?” He chuckled as you sucked on his neck.

“Marking you.” You moaned against his salty skin.

“F-fuck, Y/N.” His toes curled at the sensation. “If my team sees that I’ll never hear the end of it.”

“You don’t want them to know you’re getting some good loving?” You giggled, continuing to suck on his flesh.

When your hand moved down his body towards his shaft, Spencer’s protests died somewhere in his throat.

“Reid? Did you hear me?”

He was snapped out of his thoughts by Emily’s voice.

“Huh?” He blinked a few times.

“You and Alvez are going to the crime scene.” She repeated.

“Oh yeah. Sure.” He chewed on his lip.

Luke laughed and nudged Spencer in the arm as he got up from the chair.

“She’s got you whipped.” The other man chuckled.

“Oh like you’re so much better.” Spencer scoffed.

“It’s true, I got it bad.” Luke admitted as the two men headed across the bullpen. “Only problem is, she’s not the commitment type.”

Spencer frowned a little as he followed Luke towards the elevators.

“I have the same problem. She’s seeing this other guy. I don’t know anything about him but I feel like I have to constantly compete with this stranger.”

“I hear you.” Luke sighed as they stepped inside and he jabbed the button for the ground floor. “But trust me when I say man, anyone competing with Spencer Reid will surely lose.”

Spencer smiled softly at Luke as the elevator started its descent.

“I hope you’re right. She’s…perfect.”

They fell into silence after that as the elevator took them to the parking lot, both lost in thoughts about the same woman.

***

Two days later two more bodies had shown up.

Luke and Spencer felt like it was Groundhog Day as they drove across town towards another crime scene.

Luke had a stupid smile on his face, one Spencer knew to mean he’d gotten laid last night.

He didn’t want to pry, but the drive was long as they sat in traffic so he couldn’t help himself but ask.

“I’m assuming by the stupid look on your face that you were with your girlfriend last night?”

“Not my girlfriend. She’s very strict on that.” He chuckled but Spencer heard the sadness in his voice. “But yeah I was.”

“What did you get up to?” Spencer asked innocently but the second he saw Luke’s cheeks redden, he regretted his question.

“Oh…you know.” Luke hummed.

“Oh. Oh.” Spencer swallowed, turning his attention out the window. “Cool. Awesome. Cool.”

“Because you don’t spend as much time as humanly possible between the sheets with your girl?” Luke laughed.

“No comment.”

“What are you, twelve years old?” Luke reached over and slapped him on the arm. “Your hickey the other day speaks volumes anyway, man.”

“She’s…feisty.” Spencer confessed. “I don’t think I’ve ever had so much sex in my life.”

“Good for you.” Luke smiled, happy for his friend. “I can’t wait to meet her.”

“I…don’t think she’d be up for that. It’s strictly casual.”

“Understood.” Luke nodded and after that the conversation filtered out.

They arrived at the crime scene and as expected it was a near carbon copy of the others. This was definitely the same unsub.

“I find it hard to believe with the level of sophistication this unsub is displaying that these kills are his first.” Spencer mused as he slipped on a pair of latex gloves.

“Agreed. We should call Garcia and have her look into unsolved homicides with similar MO’s.” Luke patted his pockets for his phone but came up empty. “Shoot, my phone must be back in the SUV.”

“Use mine.” Spencer fished his phone out his slacks pocket and handed the old device over to Luke.

“Thanks man.” Luke looked down at the screen as Spencer went about inspecting the corpse.

An outgoing text message was already open on the screen, time stamped around an hour ago before they’d left Quantico.

📲 Y/N Y/L/N: Hey, so I was wondering if you were free tonight and fancied doing something? All being well I shouldn’t be done with work too late. Let me know. Spencer.

Luke’s blood froze in his veins, hyper focused on the name the message was sent to.

It couldn’t be, could it? Surely there was no way he and Spencer were seeing the same woman?

It only occurred to him then that he actually didn’t know anything about the woman Spencer was seeing, not even her name.

He knew you were seeing another guy, but again he didn’t know anything about him.

Was it possible that the same woman who had left the hickey on Spencer’s neck was the same one who left scratch marks on Luke’s chest?

“You ok?” Spencer glanced up at Luke from where he was crouched on the floor.

“Uh yeah sorry.” Luke shook his head. “Don’t know how to use this ancient piece of junk.”

Luke quit Spencer's messages and found Garcia’s number, distracting himself on work rather than focusing on his discovery.

***

You sighed as you contemplated your evening plans. Spencer had texted you that morning asking if you wanted to do something tonight and a few hours later Luke had texted you too.

Decisions were not your forte.

If you were honest with yourself, you knew which man you liked more deep down.

Luke was amazing but there was just something about Spencer that captivated you.

But that also scared you. Because Spencer Reid was the kind of man you could easily fall in love with, settle down with, but that’s not what you wanted, right?

Your heart yearned for Spencer whereas with Luke it was more physical.

But you had seen Luke last night, so it was only fair you saw Spencer tonight. And he had been the first to text you.

You quickly shot off messages to both men before you could change your mind.

See, you could make a decision every once in a while.

📲 Spencer Reid: Sure Doc, what did you have in mind? ;)

📲 Luke Alvez: Missing me already? I’d love to but I already have plans. Rain check? :)

***

Luke and Spencer’s phones went off alerting them to text messages almost simultaneously.

Luke was driving back from the crime scene so he wasn’t able to check his phone. Spencer on the other hand moved so fast he made himself dizzy.

He couldn’t stop the stupid smile that spread to his lips when he saw your reply.

“Got a date?” Luke half-smiled at him, seeing the goofy expression on his friend's face.

“Uh yeah.” Spencer blushed, tapping a reply before putting his phone away.

Luke tried to hide his disappointment. If they really were seeing the same woman then he knew his message wasn’t going to put a smile on his face.

He wasn’t sure why he was reluctant to tell Spencer. They could talk about it and clear things up, because there was no way they were dating the same woman. It had to be a coincidence.

But if it wasn’t a coincidence, Luke wasn’t sure he wanted to know. He didn’t want to burst the bubble. He already knew you were seeing someone else, did it really matter if that someone was Spencer?

On second thoughts, yes that did matter. And he really didn’t want to know if he and the good doctor had been sleeping with the same woman.

He’d rather live in blissful ignorance.

***

You hated the way your heart skipped a beat at the sight of the messy haired genius as he made his way through the crowds in the bar towards you.

He was just so damn pretty, you really couldn’t be blamed for the way you melted at just one glimpse of him.

He wore a signature Spencer outfit, black slacks, scuffed converse and a navy shirt but had forgone his usual tie and cardigan.

He was a little out of breath when he reached you, plopping down into the booth next to you, panting slightly.

“I’m so sorry I’m late.” He smiled apologetically at you.

“It’s ok, you’re worth waiting for.” You hooked your hand around the back of his neck and drew his lips to yours.

He visibly relaxed at your kiss, allowing himself to calm down now he was here, in your presence.

He cupped your face as you parted your lips to deepen the kiss.

No matter how many times he kissed you, Spencer would never get over the butterflies it induced.

When you pulled back you were smiling at him and you stroked an errant curl back off his face.

“I got you a soda.” You nodded to the table where his glass of soda sat next to your wine.

“Thank you.” He placed one hand on your thigh under the table and used the other to take a sip of his drink.

“How’s work?”

“Same old. You know I don’t like talking to you about that stuff. It’s…pretty gruesome.”

“I’m not a child.” You pouted a little and Spencer’s eyes were immediately drawn to your lips.

“You most certainly are not.” He put his drink down and cupped your cheek again. “Why are we wasting time here?”

You smirked at him and leant in closer to him.

“You want to get me alone, Doctor?”

“More than anything in the world.” He smirked back.

“Let’s get out of here then.” You gave him a quick peck before shuffling out of the booth.

You grabbed him by the hand and pulled him along with you towards the exit of the bar.

***

Your plans to get Spencer to the bedroom as quickly as possible were thwarted by your overly excited dog.

Duke was instantly jumping all over the both of you, covering you in slobbery dog kisses.

“Ok, ok boy, down.” You laughed, patting his head. “I don’t think Spencer enjoys it as much as I do.”

“I don’t mind.” Spencer tried to insist, despite the fact he knew about every single one of the bacteria that lived on dogs tongues.

He’d do just about anything for you, for you to see he was the one and only man you should be with.

Even if it meant catching a nasty disease from your dog.

Spencer spent a little time petting Duke much to the mutt's enjoyment. But before long you were pulling him away from the dog.

“Did you come here to pet my dog or can I interest you in pussy instead?”

Spencer hissed through his teeth, a shudder passing up his spine as he turned his back on Duke.

He dropped his satchel on the floor before wrapping his arms around you.

“I’ve always been more of a cat man.” He teased as he pressed his lips against yours.

You dragged him towards the bedroom while he deepened the kiss.

Clothes were shed on route, littering your apartment and by the time you reached the bed you were both naked.

The two of you spent all night until the early hours of the morning fumbling between the sheets.

And when you eventually fell asleep wrapped in Spencer’s arms you knew you could be happy this way for the rest of your life.

But in order to do that, you’d have to first end things with Luke.

And that wasn’t something you were ready to make a decision on.

***

“What does this other guy have that I don’t?”

You looked up from your book at him, a slight frown on your face.

The dogs were curled up together asleep on the floor and you were on the couch with your feet on his lap.

“Huh?” You closed your book.

“This other guy you’re seeing. What does he have that I don’t?” Luke questioned you.

It had been a week or so since he’d seen the text on Spencer’s phone and he’d grown more paranoid with each passing day.

Only he couldn’t bring himself to actually ask you or Spencer about it.

“Don’t start that.” You shook your head.

“Start what?”

“That’s the kind of prelude to asking me to choose between you. And I won’t do it.”

“What’s he like? Just tell me about him.” Luke reached for you and pulled you closer until you were straddling in his lap.

“No way. What kind of foreplay is that?” You chuckled as he ran his hands up and down your sides.

“Humour me?”

“Nuh uh. I don’t kiss and tell, Alvez.” You wrapped your arms around his neck.

“What’s his name?” Luke started kissing down your neck to try and loosen you up.

“His name? Oh it’s noneofyourbusiness.”

“You’re cruel.” He spoke against your skin.

“Luke,” you stilled him, cupping his jaw and guiding him to look at you. “Stop this, please? Can we not just enjoy the time we spend together?”

“I hate the idea of you with someone else.” He confessed.

It wasn’t something he’d ever given much thought to. He didn’t let himself dwell on the fact you were dating someone else.

Until he found out who that someone was.

Every time he looked at you or Spencer he couldn’t help but think of the two of you together. Was Spencer a better kisser than him? Was Spencer better in bed than he was?

It was sending Luke spiralling down a rabbit a hole. Yes he hated the idea of you with someone else but more specifically, he hated the idea of you with him.

You sighed and slid off Luke's lap and onto your feet.

“You knew the deal when we started seeing each other. I’m indecisive. I want to have my cake and eat it too. I made it perfectly clear when we met that I’m not a one man kind of girl, Luke. If you can’t handle that then…”

Luke stood too and quickly took hold of your hands.

“I can handle it.” He said even though he wasn’t sure he could.

He didn’t want to share you with Spencer. But he also didn’t want to lose you.

“Are you sure? I’m not going to magically wake up one day and decide I’m all in, Luke. I’m not going to change.”

“I know. And I’m sure.” He smiled at you but you didn’t believe him.

But he knew the situation and he was a grown man. If he wanted to pretend he was ok with this you weren’t going to argue with him.

You just hoped it didn’t come back to bite you in the ass.

You allowed Luke to kiss you and your thoughts melted away as he started leading you towards the bedroom.

God how you loved the way he made you feel. But why were you thinking of Spencer?

***

A few weeks later Luke was still keeping his findings on Spencer’s phone to himself. He tried to push it to the back of his mind as best as he could but he couldn’t help but feel as though he was competing with the younger man.

Whilst Spencer probably had no idea.

Luke knew Spencer was with you last night because of the new set of hickeys on his neck and the dumb smile on his face.

Luke liked you a lot, more than a lot, but he didn’t know it was enough to have to deal with this.

Spencer was blissfully ignorant to the whole thing, so caught up in the way he felt about you that he was in his own little bubble.

But bubbles have a tendency to pop.

He was heading down the corridor to go and check with Garcia on a case they were working when he heard voices around the corner.

Spencer was not one for eavesdropping, he minded his own business and left people to theirs.

But for some reason he found himself slowing and soon he was at a complete standstill, just out of sight from the voices.

“I want to take her away from the weekend but I don’t know if she’d be up for it.” Luke’s voice carried to Spencer’s ears.

“Trust me, Alvez, a woman wouldn’t turn her nose up at a weekend away.” Tara laughed.

“My friend has this great little cabin out near Roanoke. The dogs would love it up there. And you know…I’m sure we would too.”

“Oh she has a dog too?”

“Yeah, a Siberian husky called Duke. He adores Roxy.”

“Duke and Luke? That’s cute.” Tara chuckled again.

Spencer fell back against the wall, the rest of the conversation fading away.

A Siberian husky called Duke.

Could it possibly be the same Siberian husky called Duke that Spencer allowed to cover him in saliva every time he went to your place?

Surely it couldn’t be the same Siberian husky called Duke that had laid his head in Spencer’s lap while he read on your couch? The one that Spencer had walked with you on multiple occasions?

Surely life wasn’t so cruel for Luke to be the man he was competing for your affections over?

There was no possible outcome where anyone in their right mind would favour geeky Spencer Reid over strong and handsome Luke Alvez.

Spencer was fucked. There was no way this would end well for him. Luke was twice the man he’d ever be.

He closed his eyes and rubbed them with his palms.

All the times he and Luke had discussed you and he’d had no idea you were talking about the same woman.

Did Luke know? Was Spencer just some kind of joke to the two of you?

Before he could spiral down into his detrimental thoughts, he heard footsteps coming his way.

He quickly pushed himself away from the wall and started back down the corridor before Luke and Tara saw him.

But he was left reeling.

He couldn’t help picture Luke’s hands all over you, kissing you and rolling between your sheets.

Luke was everything Spencer wasn’t and Spencer was sure now it was inevitable he was going to get his heart broken.

What was he going to do? Did he confront Luke? Confront you? Or did he just sit idly by and wait for you to leave him because Luke was better than him in every way?

Of all the women in DC, how was it possible you’d both found the same one?

Spencer had a difficult decision on his hands. Usually he was pretty good at split second thinking, he had to be in his line of work.

But like you, Spencer found himself shrinking away from making a choice. Because surely any choice he made would end in heartbreak?

***

Subconsciously or not, he wasn’t sure, but Spencer started distancing himself from both you and Luke.

Every time you text him he would reply that he was busy with work and couldn’t see you.

It killed him to do so and he knew he was only digging his own grave. The less time you spent with Spencer meant more time for you to spend with Luke.

More time for you to fall in love with Luke and not Spencer.

Really he should have been spending as much time with you as possible, monopolising your time so you didn’t even have a chance to think about Luke.

But Spencer didn’t think that would work. He remembered Luke saying to him once, “anyone competing with Spencer Reid will surely lose.”

Maybe anyone who isn’t Luke Alvez.

Spencer was undoubtedly in love with you and he knew how dumb that was. You’d always made it clear you weren’t looking to settle down and that you weren’t the monogamous type. Spencer knew this. But it didn’t stop him falling for you.

He knew that made him an idiot but he couldn’t help himself, it had happened without his knowledge for the most part.

After another few weeks he noticed Luke’s demeanour changed drastically one day. And it was so unfair that Spencer’s first hope was that it was because of you.

He didn’t want to see his friend upset and heartbroken, of course not. But if the two of you were over, maybe Spencer stood a chance?

He hated thinking that way. Luke was his friend and their friendship was more important than any woman.

Right?

If that were so, why did an overwhelming sense of joy run through Spencer’s veins when he heard Luke telling Matt, “my girl dumped me.”

Spencer felt terrible for the contentedness he felt hearing those words. He spent all day wondering if he should call you.

Even once he was home he stared at the device like it was taunting him.

Should he call you?

Weirdly, just as he had this thought, his phone started ringing.

The number flashing on the screen wasn’t one he knew and he frowned slightly and pushed himself up from the couch as he placed the device to his ear.

“Hello?”

“Uh…Spencer?” A female voice, not one he recognised.

“Who is this?” He started pacing.

A stretch of silence met his waiting ears and the hairs on the back of his neck stood to attention.

He’d been an FBI agent long enough to know when he should be afraid of silence.

“My name is Lauren. I uh…got your number from my friend's phone.”

“Friend?” Spencer stopped by the window and glanced down at the street, his eyes quickly taking in the surrounding area.

Should he be scared?

“Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N.”

Spencer’s footing faltered, stumbling away from the window slightly as her words engulfed him.

Yes, he should be scared. But not for the reasons he thought.

“What’s going on? Is she ok?” Panic ripped through his body, coursing up and down his veins and spreading like wildfire.

His chest tightened, causing his breathing to grow ragged as he started pacing again, unable to keep still.

“She was in an accident. Her car was side swiped by a truck. She’s in surgery. When they retrieved her phone, your contact information was on the screen like she planned to call you. And she talks about you…a lot. I thought maybe she’d…want you here or…” Lauren trailed off as a small sob left her lips, catapulting it’s way to Spencer’s ears.

Spencer froze in his pacing, letting her words wash over him and sink into his pores.

He immediately felt tears trying to push their way from his eyes but he couldn’t cry. Not now. There would be time for that later.

Now he needed to focus.

Action first. Breakdowns later.

“Where is she?” He kept his voice levelled, hoping to calm the woman on the phone.

“G-George Washington University H-Hospital.” She choked out.

“I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Spencer informed her before hanging up the phone.

***

The drive to the hospital was a blur and Spencer didn’t think he would have possibly been able to drive if it wasn’t for his years on the job.

He focused on his training. Stay calm. Keep breathing. Focus on the bigger picture.

Never let emotions get in the way.

He had to tuck away all the things he was feeling. He couldn’t dwell on the things Lauren had told him.

You talked about him. A lot. You were going to call him. Why?

It had been weeks since he’d last see you. Why were you going to call? Did you miss him? He certainly missed you.

Would he ever get a chance to find out?

In the waiting area of the trauma surgery wing of the hospital, he spotted a terrified looking woman around your age he assumed to be your friend Lauren.

He cautiously approached her, she was staring at the tiled floor and he didn’t want to startle her.

He’d dreamed of you introducing him to his friends but he never expected it to be under such circumstances.

He stopped in front of the girl and cast her in his shadow which caused her to glance up.

Her eyes were red rimmed and her cheeks streaked with tears. She blinked a few times as if trying to focus.

“Spencer?” She swallowed, her voice low and croaky.

He nodded stiffly, hands planted firmly in his pockets.

“You must be Lauren.” He chewed on his bottom lip.

“Thank you for coming. You’re just like she described.” She shot him a shaky smile.

Spencer felt his cheeks burn.

You’d described him? You talked about him. Was that why you’d broken up with Luke…?

…Luke.

Shit.

Luke would want to know you were here. Spencer couldn’t in good conscience keep this from him.

“Excuse me a moment, I need to make a call.” He smiled softly at Lauren before turning away and going to find a quiet place to call his friend.

***

Luke had a lot of questions which Spencer expertly deflected over the phone.

There would be time to explain everything later.

By the time Luke arrived at the hospital you were out of surgery and still unconscious.

Spencer slumped in the worn leather chair in the room, vigil at your bedside while Lauren went to your apartment to get you some clothes and other bits.

Spencer ghosted his fingers over your cold skin, tracing from your knuckles to your biceps, skirting around the needle from the IV.

Your face was littered with cuts and bruises. You’d suffered a head trauma and superficial wounds but other than that you were relatively intact.

Spencer wished that offered him comfort. But the head trauma could mean you never woke up and if you did you might never be the same again.

He’d do anything for you to open your eyes again. He’d make a deal with the devil if he had to. He’d go back to prison if it somehow meant you’d be ok.

Time passed by steadily. He counted your shallow breaths, eyes flicking between you and the heart monitor.

He wished there was something he could do. He felt utterly powerless just sitting idly by as you fought for your life. He felt about as useful as the chair holding up his exhausted body.

The door tentatively opened and heavy boots on the floor alerted Spencer to his company.

Luke stepped inside the room, bringing with him the brief noise wafting in behind from outside the silent room.

The door closed and the quiet returned just as quickly as it had left.

Luke kept his eyes on you as he padded around to the chair opposite Spencer. Spencer observed him carefully.

He’d been crying, he could tell in the way his eyes were bloodshot. Was Spencer supposed to be crying? Wasn’t that a reasonable reaction in this situation?

But crying wasn’t going to help. Crying wouldn’t get you to wake up. It wouldn’t prevent any damage that had been done to your brain.

Luke spent a while looking over your battered body, rubbing his fingers up and down your arm like Spencer had been doing moments before.

When he finally glanced up, Spencer was already looking right at him.

“Is she going to be ok?” His voice sounded as though he’d just be awoken from a long sleep.

Spencer’s body heaved with the weight of the sigh he exuded.

“I don’t honestly know.”

Luke’s eyes instantly glazed over with tears again.

“How did you know about us?” Luke sniffed them back.

“I uh…heard you talking to Lewis a while ago about a Siberian husky called Duke. I wanted it to be a coincidence but I knew it wasn’t.” Spencer barely recognised the sound leaving his lips as his own voice. “And I’m going to assume by the fact you weren’t surprised I was here that you knew about us too.”

“Remember a while back when I used your phone to call Garcia? You’d left a message from her open on your screen.” Luke swallowed, lounging back in the chair.

“You’ve known that long?” Spencer’s eyebrows furrowed. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

Luke ran his hand over his jaw, the stubble growing there rough against his finger tips.

“I don’t know.” He sighed as he spoke. “I guess I was scared. I meant it when I said anyone competing against Spencer Reid would lose. And I did.”

“I don’t think that’s true.” Spencer was quick to counter.

“She dumped me for another guy. You can’t tell me that wasn’t you.” Luke looked and sounded heart broken and it made Spencer feel guilty for some unknown reason.

If he’d known from the start it was Luke you were seeing, would it have made a difference? Would Spencer have taken a step back, bowed out before he’d gotten in this deep?

He had no way to know.

“I have no idea Luke. I haven’t seen her in weeks so I really don’t think it was me she was talking about. The truth is, we don’t know how many guys she was seeing.” Spencer felt his chest constrict at the sheer thought.

How many guys were there?

Before Luke could respond, not that he had anything to say, the door opened and closed again revealing a slightly disheveled looking woman.

She smiled softly at Spencer before her brows creased as she took Luke in.

She looked him up and down a few times before the frown faded.

“Luke?” The woman croaked.

“Uh…yeah?” Luke looked between Spencer and the woman.

“I’m Lauren, Y/N’s best friend. She told me about both of you.” Lauren shrugged.

Ever the gentleman, Spencer quickly hauled himself up from his chair to allow Lauren to sit with her friend.

She nodded a small thanks before sliding into it.

Spencer awkwardly retreated to the corner of the room, feeling every bit as uncomfortable as the situation called for.

“I spoke to the doctor.” Lauren placed her hand on top of yours and kept her eyes on you. “He doesn’t know if or when she’ll wake up. He also doesn’t know what state she’ll be in if she does wake up. It doesn’t bode well for the baby.”

Spencer and Luke’s eyes caught each other in an instant.

Both men’s faces paled, turning them both white as sheets.

They subconsciously questioned each other.

Did you know?

Who’s is it?

Who’s going to ask?

Luke seemed to lose the unspoken battle and with a sigh he looked away from Spencer to Lauren.

“Uh…did you say baby?”

Lauren looked up at Luke and then Spencer. Both men had matching confused expressions.

“She didn’t…she didn’t tell you?” Lauren’s eyes were wider than Spencer thought was even possible. “Well shit.”

“Which one of us was she supposed to tell?” Luke spoke again, his voice much more even than Spencer would assume his own would be.

“I…I don’t know.” Lauren sighed, reaching to stroke your cheek softly. “She was ten weeks. She had a noninvasive prenatal paternity test done the second she could. She called me this morning and told me she’d gotten the results. I’m not even sure she’d looked at them herself yet.”

“To do a DNA test she would have to have our DNA.” Spencer finally spoke and as expected his voice pitched as he spoke.

“It wasn’t exactly protocol, but she said something about having one of your toothbrushes and a hairbrush? I guess you left them at her apartment.”

“Were there any other guys apart from us?” Luke sounded much like he was interrogating a criminal.

“Not as far as I’m aware. And she told me everything.”

Luke’s eyes cast back upwards towards Spencer.

“One of us is the father of her child.” His voice cracked now as though he was just realising the weight of this.

“Yeah.” Spencer croaked back, swallowing a sizable lump that had formed in his throat.

Spencer felt like the walls were somehow closing in on him. The room got smaller and smaller around him and everyone else in the room became hazy.

You were pregnant. You were pregnant with a baby which could be his. But it could also be Luke’s.

And if you didn’t wake up, the baby wouldn’t make it to term. He might have to grieve for a baby that he would never know was his or not.

His breaths started to wrack his whole body. He knew he was having a panic attack but he didn’t know how to stop it.

Deep breaths Spencer, deep breaths.

It didn’t work. His breathing became more heightened, his legs wobbling beneath him as he swayed on the spot.

A figure moved closer to him but Spencer couldn’t see enough to work out who it was.

“Reid? Reid?” The voice was far off, almost ghost-like. “Reid, can you hear me? You’re having a panic attack.”

“Yes.” Was all he could respond.

“Can you breathe with me, Reid?” Luke kept a firm hold on his shoulders while Spencer nodded dumbly. “Deep breath in, hold it, hold it. Exhale. Inhale, hold it. Exhale.”

Spencer tried to focus on Luke’s words and his breathing.

In and out. In and out. In and out.

Slowly his breathing started evening out and Luke let go of him so he could pour him a glass of water.

Spencer’s hand was still shaking as he took the plastic cup and brought it to his lips.

“Fuck.” He mumbled between sips, using his free hand to rub his eye with his palm.

Luke recognised the gesture as something he did a lot after his release from prison. Spencer never really had gotten over his PTSS and Luke could see the stress of this situation bringing it to the surface.

“You ok, man?” Luke asked him softly.

“Uh, yeah I think so.” Spencer exhaled. “I uh…I need to go.”

He placed the cup back on the side table and collected his bag and jacket.

Neither Luke or Lauren argued with him.

He gave you one last glance as he headed to the door.

Once he was in the comfort of his own home, Spencer finally let the weight of the situation come crashing down on him.

He barely made it to his couch before he broke, tears streaming heavily from his eyes as he curled up into a ball and sobbed.

He was so undeniably in love with you but he may never get to tell you that. He may never get to know who’s baby you were carrying.

And even if you did wake up, what if the baby was Luke’s? How did he possibly begin to reconcile the fact the love of his life was carrying another man’s baby?

The dull ache in his heart spread rapidly, encompassing his whole chest. If he didn’t know any better he might think he was having a heart attack.

No, not a heart attack, he thought, clutching his chest. Another panic attack.

He forced himself to focus on his breathing. In and out. In and out. He kept his eyes trained on one spot on the wall and tried to empty his brain of everything that didn’t directly pertain to his breathing.

It had been a really long time since Spencer last suffered a panic attack and now he’d had two in one day.

He had them a lot as a child but as he’d grown older he learnt how to control his panic before one set in.

He’d been in more dangerous situations over the years than he cared to count. He’d faced down hundreds of serial killers, been abducted and put in prison and not once did he allow himself to get in this state.

But there were too many potentially bad outcomes to this scenario for Spencer to trick his body into calming down.

He forced himself to sit up and leant forward until his head was between his knees. He focused on the carpet beneath his feet and breathed in and out. In and out.

The statistical probability of you waking up and the baby being his and your wanting to be together as a family was so slim that no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t calm himself.

His heavy breathing was causing his head to spin which in turn caused the carpet beneath his feet to spin.

He felt like he was losing his touch on reality. And at some point his brain's only option was to shut down entirely in an attempt to protect him.

Everything suddenly went dark and finally Spencer had a small sliver of peace.

***

When he woke he was in a crumpled heap on his living room floor. His body ached from sleeping on the uncomfortable wooden surface and his head throbbed.

He rolled onto his back with a groan, rubbing his eyes with his palms. He was still fully dressed, shoes included. He had no idea of the time other than the fact sunlight was streaming in through the windows.

He pushed himself up on his elbows and then slowly into a sitting position.

He felt like he’d been repeatedly bashed over the head with a two by four and the ache spread down his neck and spine.

He was far from well rested.

Just as he considered crawling into bed and trying to get an extra few hours sleep his phone alerted him to a new message.

He groaned again, fishing it out of his pocket.

It was Garcia. They had a case.

How the fuck was he supposed to get his mind to focus on work with everything that was going on? Hopefully work could provide him a much needed reprieve from his thoughts.

With too much on his mind, Spencer didn’t even think of showering or changing or even brushing his teeth, just made a strong cup of coffee to go and left the apartment.

His morning ritual oversight didn’t even occur to him until he stepped into the bullpen and headed to his desk.

“Why are you wearing the same clothes as yesterday?” JJ gave him a suggestive nudge in the arm.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” He didn’t meet her gaze, scared if he did he would crumble in an instant.

“Have you showered? You smell…ripe.” She took a step backwards and really took in his appearance.

His shirt was wrinkled beneath his cardigan and his tie was almost completely off to one side. His hair was matted, she knew he didn’t do much with his hair but he hadn’t even seemed to run his fingers through it like normal.

“I uh…no I didn’t.” He shook his head.

“What’s going on?” JJ frowned in confusion, instantly worried about her friend.

The door to the bullpen swung open and Luke slumped in just then. He’d at least changed clothes but he looked nearly as haggard at Spencer.

“I told you, I don’t want to talk about it.” He set his bag down on the desk and before JJ could say anymore Emily’s door opened.

“Round table room.” She informed them all before marching towards the room herself.

Spencer was thankful for the distraction.

Luke shot him a glance before Spencer had a chance to move too far and with a sigh Spencer hung back a little.

“You feeling any better, man?” Luke spoke in hushed tones.

He seemed genuinely concerned for Spencer whilst Spencer had just been looking at Luke like his competition. They were still friends, he reminded himself.

“I don’t even know.” Spencer admitted. “I had another panic attack when I got home and ended up passing out on the floor I guess. I didn’t even shower or change my clothes this morning.”

“I can tell.” Luke teased although his heart didn’t sound in it. “We need to tell Emily what’s going on. She needs to know what’s going on with us.”

Spencer pulled a face as they started up the stairs.

“I don’t relish the idea of anyone knowing we were dating the same woman. Let alone the fact she’s pregnant with one of our kids.” Spencer groaned, saying it out loud. “But you’re probably right.”

They reached the round table room and the conversation came to an end as they slipped into the two last remaining chairs.

Neither of them could properly focus on Garcia’s presentation of the case.

Not when your life and the life of your unborn child lay in the balance.

***

The case was at least a local one, neither Spencer nor Luke could have brought themselves to leave the state while you were in hospital.

After Emily gave out assignments Luke coaxed Spencer into joining him in Emily’s office.

The last thing Spencer wanted was to have anyone find out about this horrible situation he’d found himself in.

And as he listened to Luke explain everything to Emily, it was clear she wasn’t too enthralled by the situation either.

“Oh boy.” She sat back in her chair, blowing a large breath out of her mouth. “That’s…I’m sorry. If there’s anything I can do…”

“Thanks Emily. We just thought you should know.” Luke spoke on both of their accounts.

He kept using terms like we and us but Spencer hadn’t said a single word.

“Just try and focus on the case as much as you can. I know it won’t be easy but there’s nothing you can do for Y/N until she wakes up.”

“If she wakes up.” Spencer muttered under his breath but both Luke and Emily heard him.

“You can’t think like that, Reid.” Emily spoke softly, as though he was a child who needed protecting from the harsh realities of the world.

Maybe he did.

“I can’t not think like that.” Spencer suddenly pushed the chair back and stood up. “She might not wake up. I’m not going to let my hopes get up by thinking she will. She may very well die and we might never know who’s…who’s…” he trailed off when his breathing started getting erratic.

For fuck sake, not again, he thought as he fell back to the chair.

He put his head between his knees and forced himself to breathe.

In and out Reid. Just in and out. It’s not fucking hard.

A hand between his shoulder blades startled him. It started rubbing up and down his spine while a voice mumbled, “it’s ok, Spencer. Deep breaths.”

It seemed like some kind of joke that Luke had to keep calming him down like this. Luke was dealing with the same situation as him, he wasn’t fair he had to keep looking after Spencer this way.

“He had a panic attack at the hospital too. He said he had one last night as well.” Luke’s voice sounded distant even though he was right next to him.

“Are you ok to work the case?” Emily sounded even further away.

“I think so, yeah.” Luke replied while continuing to rub Spencer’s back.

“Spencer? Spence, can you hear me?” Emily sounded a little louder now and he felt her presence crouching next to him.

He didn’t want to speak for fear of losing his breathing rhythm so he lifted a hand and gave her a thumbs up.

“I’m going to have Anderson take you home. You’re no good to us like this. Once you’re feeling better you can still consult on the case but you need to go home, ok?”

Spencer wanted to argue but he knew it would only raise his blood pressure and cause his breathing to grow frantic again.

So instead he gave her another thumbs up.

Luke stayed with him, stroking his back but he heard Emily leave the room.

Once the two men were alone Spencer forced himself to speak, head still between his legs.

“S-sorry.” He panted slightly, trying to keep control of his breathing.

“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.”

Spencer took a few more breaths, hoping he’d calmed himself enough and sat back to look at Luke.

“How are you…h-how are you so ok?” Spencer had tears behind his eyes.

It was a strange one eighty from the hospital yesterday when Luke was breaking down and Spencer couldn’t bring himself to feel the weight of it all.

Once he’d let the weight sink in, he couldn’t shake it.

“I’m not ok.” Luke shrugged. “I’m just…trying to get through it.”

Spencer simply nodded, knowing that whatever he said could very well cause him to panic again.

Luke stayed with him until Anderson came to take him home. He was grateful the rest of the team were out of the office working the case because he really didn’t need to explain to everyone what was going on.

Luke watched him being led out of the bullpen with a heavy heart.

Of course he was scared, terrified really and he wanted your baby to be his more than anything else in the world.

But if it wasn’t his, Luke wouldn’t be destroyed by it. But Spencer certainly would.

He was crazy about you, besotted by you. But maybe he didn’t love you the way Spencer did.

***

Spencer spent three days locked inside his apartment with way too much time to be stuck in his thoughts.

Every time he bordered on having a panic attack he thought maybe going to see you would help alleviate some of his fears. But the thought of seeing you unconscious again, fighting for your life only sped up the process of his inevitable attack.

At last count Spencer had suffered seventeen panic attacks over those three days. Some were completely debilitating, lasting until he ultimately passed out and some were much more manageable.

He’d not felt this level of anxiety since he was a child being profusely bullied for not only being incredibly smart but for being much younger than his peers.

For the first time in a long time, Spencer considered drinking. Alcohol was a sedative so he thought maybe having a little to drink would help ease his fractured mind.

But he also knew those effects would only be short term. Drinking alcohol disrupts the balance of chemicals and processes in the brain. When he sobered up it would only make his anxiety worse.

By day three logically he knew he needed to shower as his pungent odour followed him around much like the large rain cloud.

But actually doing so required more energy than Spencer had left in his body.

Instead he sat in the tub with the shower running overhead, still dressed in his silk pajamas. He pulled his knees up to his chest and stared straight ahead as the water flowed around him.

He sat in the tub like this for almost an hour, trying not to dwell too much on the fact the last time he’d bathed like this was after his release from prison.

For weeks after his release Spencer hadn’t been able to shower properly. Maybe it was because prison showers were one of the worst experiences of his life.

Being naked in front of his fellow inmates and guards with absolutely no privacy while he bathed was the most demoralising moment of Spencer’s life.

So for weeks after he’d come home, showering was too much for him. It was a slippery slope for him to be resorting to his coping mechanisms after prison but he didn’t care.

He hadn’t eaten much of anything in those three days. He drank copious amounts of coffee with his usual gratuitous amount of sugar which was probably the only thing keeping him going.

He remembered eating a slice of dry toast as bread seemed to be the only thing in his sparse cupboards. He couldn’t pinpoint when exactly he’d eaten though.

Lauren texted him most mornings and evenings, usually just a simple “no change”.

Luke had tried to call several times as had Emily but he ignored them. He continued to ignore Luke when he came to his apartment yesterday too.

“Reid, I know you’re in there. Please just let me know that you’re alive at the very least.”

It was very reminiscent of the period of Spencer’s life after Maeve’s death, when his team would come over and beg for some sign of life out of him.

You’d think after all the trauma suffered in his life, Spencer would have developed better coping mechanisms. But still the only way Spencer knew how to deal with his emotions was to shut down entirely.

Of course it wasn’t healthy, he was well aware of that. He just had no idea how else to deal with them.

He finally forced himself out of the tub when the water started to run cold. His bathroom was quickly soaked from the water pooling off his pajamas but if he noticed he didn’t do anything about it.

He slumped through to his bedroom, water rolling down and seeping into the carpet. He stripped off the sodden clothing and tossed them in a pile on the floor to deal with later.

Without bothering to dry himself off he pulled on a clean pair of boxers under a pair of flannel pajama pants and an old CalTech t-shirt.

He sagged onto the unmade bed and rolled over onto his side, pulling his limbs close to his body.

The lamp was still on but he’d be damned if he was moving again.

He knew he wouldn’t sleep, he didn’t even know what time of day it was if truth be told. His curtains had been drawn since he’d been sent home three days ago so he had no idea if it was day or night.

He also didn’t care.

His pillow beneath his face became wet quickly as it collected the water rolling off his hair. His clothes clung to his damp body but neither were cause for concern.

He stared at the half open bathroom door for some time. He’d lost track of time days ago so he had no way of knowing how long he just stared.

When his phone started to ring from its place on the nightstand, his initial reaction was to ignore it, just like he’s done every other time it’s gone off the past three days.

However this time, something in Spencer’s gut told him he needed to answer it. He didn’t know why. But he’s also not in the business of ignoring his gut.

Pushing himself up from the mattress a groan escaped his lips as his body screamed for rest. He ignored it and reached for the device.

Lauren’s name flashed on the screen and Spencer’s chest tightened in an instant. She hasn’t called him the past three days. Only text.

What did that mean?

Fumbling with the device he answered the call as fast as he could before holding it to his ear.

“Hello? Is she ok?” His panic set in immediately.

A long stretch of silence met his ears and his panic only grew.

“Lauren? What’s happened? Please say something.”

“She’s…she’s awake Spencer. Y/N is awake.”

Before Spencer knew what was happening he was crying. There was no warning to it, one second he was completely dry eyed and the next he was practically sobbing down the phone.

“Oh my gosh.” He moved without the forethought to do so, locating his converse and slipping them on his feet. “I’ll be right there.”

“Spencer, there’s something you should know. She’s-“

“I won’t be long!” He barely registered Lauren’s words before he hung up, grabbing his overcoat and throwing it on top of his pajamas.

Phone and keys in hand he fled the apartment faster than he’d moved in days, maybe ever.

You were awake. You weren’t dead. It had to be some kind miracle.

Hopefully the universe would grant him another miracle in the form of your baby being his.

***

He blinked a few times, looking at Lauren like she could very well have grown two heads.

She waited patiently for her words to sink in.

Spencer continued to blink rapidly as though that would help him process her words.

After a while of this Lauren spoke again.

“Did you hear me?” She was blocking the door to your hospital room although she was much smaller than Spencer and was sure he could get past her if he wanted to.

“Yes.” He finally spoke. “She…she’s got…”

“Amnesia.” Lauren swallowed. “She doesn’t remember anything Spencer. She doesn’t know me or you or Luke, let alone who her baby belongs to. Hell, she didn’t know her own name.”

“Amnesia.” Spencer repeated as though saying it himself would cause it to make more sense. It didn’t. “Is it…permanent?”

“The doctors aren’t sure at this stage. She needs to be properly assessed and even then they won’t know for sure.”

“Can I see her?”

“You can but you need to bear in mind she won’t remember you. I’ve told her who you are and that you could possibly be the father of her child but she’s very confused right now.”

“My mother has dementia, I can deal with confused.” Spencer sighed.

“Right. Ok.” Lauren didn’t really know how to respond to that so instead she stepped aside and allowed Spencer access to your room.

Spencer had learnt with his mother it was best to just keep positive. Act as though everything was normal and field the confused questioning when it came.

Stepping into the room and seeing your eyes open and looking at him made his heart swell. He smiled softly as he came closer to the side of your bed.

He wanted to reach out and touch you but he refrained. He didn’t want to risk agitating you.

“Hi Y/N.” He slid into the chair next to the bed and forced his tears to stay buried behind his eyes.

“Spencer, right? That’s what she said.” You nodded your head towards the closed door where Lauren stood just beyond it.

“That’s right. Spencer Reid.”

You narrowed your eyes on him with a small nod.

“She said you might be my baby’s father.”

“Apparently so.” Spencer nodded too.

“But there was another guy?”

“Luke. Alvez. Should I call him?” Spencer didn’t necessarily want to call Luke but he’d do anything you wanted.

“Not right now. My head is enough of a mess as it is. You know each other?” You frowned at him.

“We uh…work together. I don’t think you knew that though. We only realised recently we were dating the same woman.”

“Well this is a nice little mess I’ve gotten myself into isn’t it?” You placed your hands on your stomach which was yet to show signs of the small fetus growing inside of you.

“None of this is your fault, Y/N.” Spencer went to reach for you but refrained once again. “We’ll figure this out. Don’t worry.”

It was easy for him to say, all you could do was worry. You’d woken up in a hospital with no idea how you’d gotten there, no idea who you were or anything in your life for that matter.

How could you not worry?

But there was something very calming about Spencer’s presence. The look in his eyes when he told not to worry made you momentarily calm.

You could understand why you must have liked Spencer. He was incredibly attractive even if he was wearing…were those pajamas?

He had kind eyes and a soft, gentle smile. His voice was tranquil and you could see it written all over his features how much he cared about you.

Did you love him? And if you did, why was there another guy involved?

“I’m sorry, Spencer.” Your voice cracked a little as you spoke.

“What have you got to be sorry for?”

“All of this. I’m sorry I don’t remember you.” A tear escaped your eye and this time Spencer couldn’t stop himself.

He’d shot up and cupped your face in his hands, wiping the tears suddenly falling steadily with his thumb.

His hands were large and slightly calloused. They were warm and comforting.

“Don’t you apologise.” He told you softly. “You have nothing to be sorry for, do you hear me?”

You nodded but your tears continued to fall. Spencer wiped away every last one of them.

Your brain might not remember him but you were sure in that moment that your heart did. His touch was so familiar and those hazel eyes staring lovingly at you tugged at something inside of you.

You wanted to remember him. You needed to. Because you were sure your heart knew him intimately. You just wished your mind did.

***

Luke arrived a few hours later after Spencer finally found it in himself to call him.

Spencer went in search of coffee so he could give you and Luke some time alone, the whole time his mind was racing.

What if you remembered Luke and not him? Spencer was sure Luke Alvez was much more memorable than he was. What if you never remembered him? What if all your memories came back except ones of Spencer?

Spencer wished he wasn’t such a pessimist all the time but it had been ingrained in him. Bad things consistently happened to Spencer, how could he be expected to be optimistic?

He knew he was going to spiral if you didn’t regain your memories of him. He knew his mental health would be on a steady decline if you couldn’t recall him and if your baby was Luke’s he would surely crumble entirely.

He frightened himself when his brain threw out the idea of getting high. Dilaudid never failed to take his pain away, even if it was only temporary.

No. This had to stop.

He didn’t relapse when Maeve died. He didn’t relapse after prison. He wasn’t going to relapse now. He couldn’t. He would not destroy his sobriety over this.

But he may very well destroy his mind instead.

Silence flooded the room when he rejoined you and Luke and slowly you drifted back to sleep, leaving Spencer and Luke awkwardly sitting vigil at your bedside.

Eventually both men called it a night and went their separate ways home only to return the following morning.

You smiled wearily at the two men as they both took their seats either side of your bed.

“How did you sleep?” Luke beat Spencer to the punch.

“I don’t know.” You confessed with a sigh. “Doctors and nurses come and go every few hours so it’s hard to say.”

You looked from Luke to Spencer and back again before focusing on your hands.

“I had a dream last night.” You mused, chewing on your bottom lip.

“What kind of dream?” Spencer asked and your eyes darted towards him.

“I’m not sure. It was…it was so realistic.” You continued gnawing on your lip. “I was in a bookstore and I had this great big pile of books and I guess I dropped them? I remember Alice in Wonderland and…”

“Charles Lutwidge Dodgson.” Spencer’s heart skipped a beat as he spoke.

“Yeah.” You croaked. “He was a photographer before he was an author?”

“He was.” Spencer nodded, feeling tears pricking his eyes. “You walked into me because you didn’t see me over the obscene pile of books in your arms. I helped you collect them up and when I saw your copy of Alice in Wonderland, I told you some stuff about Lewis Caroll.”

“It wasn’t a dream?” You sounded so relieved.

“No.” Spencer smiled shakily at you.

You both momentarily forgot Luke’s presence until he cleared his throat, forcing the two of you to look at him.

“Y/N,” he stood up and came closer, taking hold of your hand. “You might not ever remember everything but I’m pretty certain that you and Spencer…” he trailed off glancing up at Spencer.

“Me and Spencer what?” You goaded him to continue.

“You two are perfect for each other.” Luke confessed even though it pained him to do so.

The way the two of you looked at each other was so different from any way you’d ever looked at him.

Luke was crazy about you. Spencer was in love with you.

“What…what are you saying?” Spencer spoke now, a slight crack in his voice.

“If your baby is mine, I promise I will be there for him or her. You have my word on that. Just before your accident you broke up with me and I’m pretty certain it was because you were in love with Spencer. And I know him well enough to know that he’s in love with you too. So if it’s my kid I will be there for them, but as far as we go…I’m taking myself out of this equation.” Luke sniffed back any tears that might fall and let go of your hand.

He placed a soft kiss on your forehead before looking over at Spencer.

“Luke I…”

“It’s all good, man. Really.” Luke offered him a weak smile and before he could change his mind, he backed towards the door.

It hurt, of course it did. But he’d be ok. He’d bounce back, he was sure of it.

As he hurried down the corridor towards the exit he found himself smacking right into someone.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry.” He reached out and steadied the person's shoulders, guilt written all over his face.

“It’s ok.” They smiled at him, slightly amused. “Maybe slow down a little next time.”

“I’ll uh…bear that in mind.” Luke couldn’t help but smile as he looked into the sparkling eyes in front of him. “I’m Luke by the way. Luke Alvez.”

“Lisa. Lisa Douglas.”

***

The silence in the room was almost deafening after Luke left. Neither you or Spencer knew what to say to ease the tension.

It was several long, painful minutes before you finally broke the silence.

“Was he right?” You croaked.

“About what?” Spencer asked even though he knew exactly what you meant.

“Were you in love with me?”

“No.” Spencer shook his head, but was quick to continue. “Not past tense. I am in love with you. Presently, right here and now I am in love with you. And future tense because I know I always will be.”

“Was I in love with you?”

“I honestly don’t know.” He stepped a little closer to your bed. “You're a very indecisive person, that’s why you were dating both of us. You had a hard time making small decisions let alone big ones. You weren’t looking for anything serious but I still fell in love with you anyway. Apparently I’m a glutton for punishment.”

You reached for him and grasped his hand in yours, pulling him even closer.

“I don’t remember any specific events. But I think I’m recognising feelings, if that makes sense? I don’t know exactly what I felt for you Spencer but I know it was big. I know you meant a lot to me, I can feel it in my heart. And I’m also sure that falling in love with you would be the easiest thing in the whole world.”

Spencer wiped his eyes with his free hand, leaning down to rest his forehead against yours.

“Do you think maybe…if I kissed you it would…I don’t know, jog something?” He cupped your face.

“It surely couldn’t hurt.” You smiled and then Spencer was pressing his lips against yours.

Your heart practically exploded out of your chest and if you didn’t know what you felt for him before, you certainly did now.

You were in love with this man. You didn’t need all your memories back to understand what you felt in your heart.

Your heart had a memory of its own. Your heart had a collection of memoirs all dedicated to Spencer Reid.

He deepened the kiss and your certainty only grew.

Behind your closed lids, images flashed before your eyes.

A cosy bookstore. A stranger with kind eyes and messy hair. The smell of coffee and the sound of laughter.

Walking hand in hand through the park. Glances at your tall companion as all manner of facts left his lips and floated to your ears.

Lips meeting under a starry sky. Fumbles between sheets. Exchanging loving looks.

Soft forehead kisses and whispers of “goodnight”.

A letter in the mail stamped by the hospital.

Frantically jumping in a car, phone in hand.

And then a crash.

The kiss ended and you looked at Spencer wide eyed as he stroked your cheek.

“Are you ok? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” He frowned at you.

“I think…I think I remembered something.” You swallowed.

Spencer took hold of your hand again and squeezed it tightly to comfort you.

“What is it? What did you remember?” His voice gave way to his fear.

You briefly looked away from him before looking back whilst rolling your bottom lip between your teeth. You looked at him with wide, slightly fearful eyes.

A letter in the mail stamped by the hospital.

The words “Paternity Results” emblazoned on the top of an official looking document.

Two words. A first name and a last name.

Your baby’s father.

But for you, it didn’t matter who the father of your baby was, because for the first time in your life you’d made a decision. And it had been an easy one.

Your car accident could have killed you. It was enough for you to realise tomorrow wasn’t guaranteed.

And you decided you wanted to spend every tomorrow you did have with Spencer Reid.

You smiled at him and brought his hand to your lips and brushed them over his knuckles.

“I love you Spencer.” You told him softly. “Even if I don’t remember loving you before, I know that I did. And I know I always will, ok?”

“O-ok.” He nodded, chest constricting more with each passing second.

Taking a deep breath and holding his hand tightly, you whispered, “I think I remembered who the father of my baby is.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist -

All ships & genres -

@muffin-cup @andiebeaword @measure-in-pain @takeyourleap-of-faith @sexy-dumpster-fire @thebloomingeagle @dirtytissuebox @smurphyse

SR x reader -

@frickin-bats @dreatine @adoringanakin @dr-spencerr-reidd @sleepretreat @spenxerslut @sweetandsunny @bellaswanismysoulmate @mcumorningstar @dontcallmekittens @kuolonsyoja @radtwinkie @drayshadow @lytrc @nani-2305 @rainsong01 @this-is-doctor-and-its-calm @safespacespence @pastelbabygirl19 @matthew-gray-gubler-lover @people-whatabunchofbastards @justreadingficsdontmindme @dielgonacoffee @hotchandspencearedilfs

#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fanfiction #build a blurb #spencer reid angst #spencer reid x reader #luke alvez x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #luke alvez #criminal minds self insert #criminal minds

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ink-splotch · 2 years

Note

Hi there! I just finished playing 'More a Haunting than a History', and I wanted to say thank you for making it. It's really good, and was a fun way to while away an evening talking to the characters and learning my own backstory. I really liked Daisy especially, and all the fun little things you could do, like tossing coins in the bank fountain until you ran out, getting coffee from the cafe, or tossing a stick in the river every time. I can't imagine how long it must have taken to make.

It took me like two years!! I started it almost immediately after finishing Stay? and have been poking at it ever since. It's got a lot more unique content than my first game (a lot more dialogue, oh my god), as well as a lot more complicated structure and programming.

The dialogue system in particular is so much more complex than Stay?, which had a couple static conversations you could play through-- they each had a few pathways to make them replayable-- but MAHTAH is way more dynamic.

For each major NPC (Chris, Daisy, Bec, Gwyn, Tam), you have a pool of potential questions or statements to choose from, based on what you know about them and/or the world and/or yourself, as well as where you are or who else is present. These update with every new bit of info you get, and the responses will vary based on how that character feels, who else is present, what has happened/not happened, or even your location.

It all grew super organically out of the dialogue authoring (which I do not recommend as a way to go about building a project!), so the bug testing was intense, but also hopefully the end product holds some of that organic, natural scripting feel. I "felt" my way through those conversations, and then backed up those intuitive authorings with the system structure.

I'm not doing that next time. Hopefully. That's the plan, anyway.

MAHTAH took a long time to build & author, and then to bug test (and keep building/authoring in parallel). I cannot overstate how much this game wouldn't exist without my wife @doctorcakeray's endless tireless bug tests-- Jules played this game I think more hours overall than I spent actually writing it, and I spent a lot of hours writing it.

I mean, it's also been a pandemic, so I haven't been working at my usual pace. I am hoping to get back into the swing, so we shall see. I've even maybe got another fanfic brewing in my pockets, for those of you who came here for fanfic reasons over the years.

I really have been enjoying IF, though, and have the sketches of a third game floating around in the brain (we're going science fiction!). I am taking a break to go see if I can bang out a novel draft or two before I jump back into ink (though I miss it already). But I've got two or three half-started novels (one a scifi Robin Hood retelling on Ao3! https://archiveofourown.org/works/24552577) and I miss novels, too. So.

(Psst go play MAHTAH here: https://ejadelomax.itch.io/mahtah)

#mahtah

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zukkaoru · 6 months

Text

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @starrynightarchive and @feralshadowdemon, ty for the tag!! putting most of this under a cut since it's long lol

tagging (with no pressure): @that-was-anticlimactic @backhurtyy @rejectscanon

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

167 linked to my main ao3 account. maybe some others floating around that have been made anonymous or orphaned or something. who knows

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

965,845 - okay wow i did not realize i was that close to 1mil. huh

3. what fandoms do you write for?

well right now the bsd brainrot has taken hold of me and i cannot think of much else. but i do have a handful of zine fics for other fandoms that are in progress / will be posted eventually. i have a very long list of fandoms i have written for in the past; however, i would not recommend reading anything posted before 2021

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

plum blossom

you clutched my brain and eased my ailing

my calamitous love & insurmountable grief

five times ryan came out (and one time he couldn't)

(just wanna be) somebody i'm proud of

my disclaimer here is that these are absolutely nowhere even close to being by best fics and i kind of resent them being my top five

5. do you respond to comments

i'm trying🫠 i let like 600+ pile up in my inbox over the course of a year and a half (or more) and so i recently went through and just marked everything as read instead of actually responding. BUT (almost) all comments on fics posted since ~august 2023 will get responses. exceptions are if i literally don't know what to say bc i'm bad at talking to people sorry

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

you don't even want to know the horrors that showed up in my google docs this weekend. but also either if one of us dies or may we stay lost on our way home

7. what is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i'll go with this ultraviolet morning light just bc it's probably the greatest payoff since it takes longest to get to the happy ending

8. do you get hate on fics?

not typically but there have been a few mean comments over the years. actually i got one bookmark on a fic that's in a series for a fanweek that says "ignore the others in this series but this one is good" and honest to god it just made me laugh. like.. you do realize i can see that, right?

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

i can barely write kiss scenes

10. do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've written?

i don't usually BUT when i was in middle school my friend and i created The Megacrossover, which consisted of us putting a bunch of different book characters into a hunger games arena. and we just kept adding more fandoms, and having new characters be transported into the arena. it was a good time. this was also entirely handwritten as all fanfiction should be when you're 10-12 years old

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge. definitely found one fic that was like. heavily influenced by mine back in my ouat days though

12. what's the longest you've spent working on a fic? and the shortest?

longest: over a year, at least shortest: a couple hours (not including editing)

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

not technically since the megacrossover but corey and i co-come up with ideas like. at least once a week

14. what's your all-time favorite ship? from all fandoms?

outlaw queen has to be my answer to this forever and always. never forgive never forget 🏹🍎

15. what's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

too many to answer. probably the biggest one is the azula-centric sequel to tuvml that i simply do not have the attention to write bc the hyperfixations have travelled elsewhere :( there are many many others though. i have an endless amount of ideas and not enough time

16. what are your writing strengths?

people often tell me i'm good at characterization and tbh i do pride myself on knowing characters better than 97% of the rest of the fandom. not all of the characters. but most of them.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

short attention span </3

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

do whatever you want forever. but like.. respectfully

19. first fandom you wrote for?

probably percy jackson when i was like 10. no you cannot find that anywhere online because i, like an idiot, deleted it without saving a backup copy

20. favorite fic you've written?

definitely (i am) the whisper of a memory. i love a lot of my fics, but that is one i am especially proud of because i tried new things with the formatting and i think it worked really really well

#can't remember if i've done this one before or not but if i have it has been a While #tag game #idk what else to say here. i'm tired

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mxddyhero · 1 year

Note

character relationship rambling ask game:

Banri and juza

you saw this coming 🤷‍♀️ hdhhdnd have a good day/night!

YURA YOU'RE SO SWEET TY,, I hope you have a lovely day/night too aaa !! ;w;

Teehee,, you got me twirling my hair kicking my feet rn fr <3 Juban my beloveds let's go. (I love love love both romantic and platonic Juban so read either way!!)

describe their canon relationship/dynamic

They are bitter rivals, they know each other more intimately than anyone else ever could. They would kill each other, they would kill for each other. They drive each other crazy but they are best friends, confidantes, silly rabbits. They fight, they break up, they kiss, they make up, as Katy Perry once said. I reeeeaaally like their canon dynamic, I'm not gonna lie-

your ideal/headcanon version of it? how does it differ from how it is in canon & why is this your favorite version? any other alternate versions of it you enjoy?

My ideal version would be a lil less cruel, ESPECIALLY post year 1. Sometimes it feels like the animosity between them is kinda played up just for the bit, and I think by now at this point, they understand the boundaries they shouldn't cross and what insults are off-limits. I just think Banri would be more accommodating and remorseful after seeing Juza's portrait, even if he still has some bite to him for making him feel inferior, yk? Like man, sometimes it was just cheap shots for the sake of it and it's like c'mooon, this isn't it my guy...

As for alternate versions, Lucilan is my shit fr <3 I love that gay gangster couple soo much. You understand.

what do you like about their relationship, why is it interesting or enjoyable to you?

God there's just something about them that scratches the itch in my brain. Rivals to reluctant troupe mates to whatever the hell they are now is just so good because there's no genuine ill-will there, not anymore. Like, yeah at first Banri wanted to beat him up, but it was for a thrill to prove he could and once he was taken down a peg, he met Juza on his level to try to best him at acting instead since he wouldn't actually fight him. That was something no one had done for Juza before (granted, his previous challengers probably just wanted status and clout anyways), and it let him pursue something he truly always wanted to do while developing his skills at it and having someone keeping him in check, yk? They both have this insatiable need to keep going, and they motivate each other in a way only they can. They drive each other crazy, and that's a huge reason each of them are where they are rn.

what about the individual characters involved? what does this relationship mean to them, what makes it unique among their relationships?

I think for Juza, it's super refreshing to have someone who understands him and knows him so well, but still isn't afraid to tip-toe around him. Banri is brash and unapologetically speaks his mind, which Juza appreciates, especially when it's regarding something like how he can make his performance better. Sure, sometimes he could be less of an asshole about it, but Banri always makes sure to tell him when he's done good too, and Juza knows Banri respects him as an actor, even if he doesn't say it often. It's not like Juza doesn't tease Banri back either, and the banter between them now is less hostility, almost like a comfortable routine they've fallen into.

For Banri, we know Juza is the one to have given him ambition and goals and I think that's still a huge thing for him. Regardless of his development, it was a pivotal moment for him to find something he was truly passionate about, even if his motives at first weren't the best yk? But Juza understood and even encouraged that after Banri walked out on them and came back, and that probably meant a lot to the guy who was usually just written off because he could do almost anything. Like, it would've been simple enough to audition and be told he was the best of the group (excluding maybe Sakyo, but he's had years of experience), but he actively stayed and I think that showed he wanted something more and as Juza keeps progressing, he wants to keep growing alongside him too!

Ultimately, they challenge each other in the best ways, even if their methods are a lil unorthodox. ESPECIALLY because of that actually, because they've both gone their whole lives being treated differently, so they offer each other a new perspective on how to develop as both actors and people. They have their moments of true sincerity, but it's ultimately mutual (albeit reluctant) admiration for each other that makes their foundation and that's sooo neat to me.

favorite interaction they have in canon

Literally sooo many. Gonna be totally fucking cliché here but ofc it has to be the moment after their final performance of Picturesque and the lil high five ue ue ue

THEY just both look so proud and at peace and aaaaaaa- they should be, they earned it but it just makes me so emotional shsgdjsv,,

I also love the scene where right before closing night, Banri knows Juza is awake because he isn't snoring and bares his soul to the guy before realising he fell asleep AVCSHDVJ,, I don't have the screenshots for that one unfortunately BUT ITS SO FUNNY. And on a similar note, every time they renew their promise to beat each other like this is so fruity...

Like lmao imagine dedicating your life to besting a guy in something he made you passionate about and it shaping your whole life and career for the foreseeable future... 🤨 OK then

favorite interaction they have in your head/a situation you want to put them in

Aside from batmankai au, I think a bodyswap could be fucking hilarious, and given the Mankai urban legends, I think it's entirely possible. I just wanna see that initial confusion, dismay and chaos, if I'm being completely honest with you. Like, imagine Banri getting over the shock and realising he's basically a tank and can beat Hyodo now, trying to challenge him and Juza just being like, "...You realise this's your body, right? If we switch back, you're gonna regret it."

BUT ALSO, do they tell the troupe? The company? Are they scheduled to perform and get benched? Or do they try to convince everyone that they're each other? Either way, it's comedy fucking gold. Like imagine Banri just walks in to their room to see himself scarfing down pastries and sweets and he's just like, "Oi! You're gonna wreck my physique if you keep this up! Don't be eatin' that shit when you're in my body, asshole, we're s'posed to be keepin' a low profile!" and Juza just says, "'s why I came back to the room" and keeps eating hudgsadfs-

Foams at the mouth they just drive me insane and i love them as friends, rivals, lovers, AND as individual characters in their own right they're so dear to me, even if I clown on banri. Places them on the shelf....

#ty so much for the ask yura I love these boys sm-#beloved mutual #lost-in-2d #ask game #juza hyodo #banri settsu #a3! act! addict! actors!

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bellafragolina · 1 year

Note

A few headcanons and scenarios I thought up hashing out some details for my story. Looking into People with Amnesia’s stories and how we recall memories/what do we specifically recall in detail in some… It’s not perfect, but I am very determined to set my self/reader insert apart from the two stories I got inspired by.

—Memories of meeting Arceus are fuzzy since they were in a God’s presence. It definitely changed them if the red eyes and being freaking ten years old was any indication! Not sure what their previous age was, but probably at least a teen. Jubilife’s written language was not mainly Kanji (Yes!) though the weird symbols had no resemblance to English (no)…

—Most Jubilife villagers spoke English or Galarian/Unovan, they swear they heard the older folks ask the infamous “Nani?” followed by some muttered sentences in Japanese.

—Surveying will be harder than they thought with far more research tasks. Not to mention a few members of Jubilife will be concerned over a ten year old working in the wilds. (Rei and Akari are tasked to oversee their first few surveys as a precaution. The cousins are perpetually confused by SI treating Pokémon without much fear. Gushing over how cute Pikachu is yet being rightfully wary of Alphas).

—The being partially illiterate thing will be a small embarrassment to them making the cousins more confused. In turn, not being able to read when their ten year old rookie types on their weird device will make them understand the frustration. (SI is surprised when the Arc Phone has a normal phone case, albeit decked out in Arceus design. I honestly hate how it looks in-game—How does it fit in our pocket?)

—Batman Paranoid Kamado will be… not as wary as he was in-game. At least not initially, I mean Ultra Wormholes are probably a thing so people appearing out of nowhere might be a slight rumor from Alola. The man has a freaking Clefable of all Pokémon which’s pre evos are skittish as heck. He’s a jerk. He really is yet I feel like I can explore that better than the Legends did. As the Noble get taken care of, he becomes more suspicious of them and their skill. (In an unrelated note, Gyarados have red eyes…)

—There will be some days where the Self Insert gets burnout and frustrated so. They will meet up with the Wardens to just discuss what’s been going on since the Noble fight. This will lead to the eventual Lian and Sabi sibling adoption. They are still technically working by learning about the Warden’s regional variants.

—There’s no magical Arceus healing. My poor self insert will get slight scars/injuries from the surveys. Fighting in a Volcano is just crazy, as well as going against a living bomb. Avalugg takes the cake being as massive as he is.

—Ingo won’t recall all his memories. Being, probably, dropped in Hisui through a distortion had its effects. Names help. Occasionally he gets odd snippets of times where he or the face-sharing man are really emotional. (The brain will record when we are feeling extreme emotions, which is kinda why bad times tend to be memorable in detail… Stupid brain). Even with Psychics being real things, trying to force his memories just causes massive strain.

—The whole “Do you love Pokemon?” thing with Kamado will go differently. If I was actually isekai’d and got asked that I would go a different route than the simple yes or no. How a Pokemon grieves is not pleasant to see (referencing Litten and Stoutland). Might be an abrupt start, but I would press on. Pokemon can be close family to some or terrible curses to others. And a few are actual monsters who attack everything in sight. (Gyarados and Hydreigon, even when we befriend them in Pokepark 2 jerk.) They can also be healers to other Pokemon and even people. Anyone of my Pokemon could kill me, but they might also protect my life from a genuine threat. They did protect me when I needed to knock the Noble Pokemon back to their senses. I knew Jubilife before I came here, althoooough it was Jubilife City in the region with Mount Coronet. And at least ten other towns I won’t name. “So yes, I do truly love Pokemon. They can help me do all kinds of things like journey in otherwise dangerous places, Commander.”

—I am not letting him pull the same speech he did in the game. While there are probably unwritten codes for battling (like not using two or more Poker mon in what's supposed to be single battles), I/si wouldn’t follow them by heart when it comes to helping out.

—Checklist Anon. Sorry, the last one got ranty I’m having fun.

I’m having fun too! It’s so very interesting to see people flesh out their fanfics and creations, so I really appreciate you sharing these with me. I read them and just grow so excited for you, because I can remember creating my own stories the way you’re doing, and how much fun it was! Even the more in depth research isn’t bad, when you’re doing it for a personal project like this!

Ahhh, I can’t wait for what you think of next! Your stuff is always so interesting and captivating!!! What a fun character you’re creating!

~Renee

#checklist anon

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hgtmigirlxx · 1 year

Text

Where I Went: A Statement

So . . . it’s been a hot minute.

If I recall correctly, I last posted in 2018. Despite the rapidly aging cells of my brain wishing to believe otherwise, that was five years ago now. I essentially disappeared from everywhere-with the exception of my Youtube channel-five years ago. In saying that my Youtube channel was an exception, even it evolved past the theming and topics that the people who followed this blog watched my videos for.

I feel compelled to say I’m sorry. I don’t believe that I had anyone on tender hooks wondering where I disappeared to or why I vanished at all. However, my inbox is full with more than one hundred messages, ones which would feel far too odd and far too late to directly respond to now. So I figured that an update was in order.

TW: Mental health; self harm

The Fandom Side

It’s important to note that for the majority of my usage of Tumblr, I was a minor. I turned 18 in 2016, so was only an adult for a year before I left.

The truth of the matter is that Tumblr became an unhealthy environment for me. This site has come so far in so many ways in terms of user behaviour since the day I left, but I think anyone who was on this website during the difficult periods know exactly the type of toxicity that used to run wild here. And I am not totally blameless. I was complicit, and I think that that realisation contributed to my decision to leave.

I was getting involved in fandom discourse and drama on a regular basis. It began in my Hunger Games days and continued into my Shadowhunters era. When it came to the fandom side of Tumblr, there was always a fight to be had. Drama was always just around the corner and if you didn’t word yourself correctly or god forbid shipped something the majority considered wrong, then you were opening yourself up to attack. And I was on both sides of the attacker and the attacked. I think most of us usually are. No one is totally blameless. Whether I was white knighting Claudia Trisac against the Joshifer shippers or being the Anti-CC provocateur in order to big up Shadowhunters, I was always inserting myself into drama in defense of what I thought was the moral and right side.

It got to the point at times where I was constantly checking my blog notifications to make sure no one was reblogging me with a nasty comments or sending me hateful asks. It was interfering with my mental health, and my mental health had already taken a huge hit in 2017. That’s not to say that genuine debate didn’t take place from time to time. However, this wasn’t common. I advocate for proper debate on my Youtube channel and I think part of the desire to do that was because of how disagreements on this website usually went down. Of course, it also happened on Youtube and across all platforms, such is the nature of social media, but I have lessened my contribution to such behaviour. I’m satisfied with the strides I’ve taken with this. I definitely feel like I’m a lot more responsible with my media consumption.

Mental Health and Autism

A year before I left this site, in the summer of 2017, I had a mental breakdown. A pretty big one, to be honest. I quit college and became a shell of a person due to a severe case of generalised anxiety disorder. Doing anything that went outside of my everyday norm and routine caused extreme distress. My anxiety expressed itself very physically, such as vomiting, trembling and on occasion passing out. This resulted in me being taken into A&E for self harm that Autumn.

I spent the proceeding years pretty much just trying to cope. Trying to survive. Mental health services suck, especially when you’re an adult struggling. The hospital gave me six sessions with a counsellor and a pat on the back. Once those six weeks were up, I was expected just to get on with my new medication and no problems. So I did. Or tried to. I didn’t go back to school, nor did I get a job. It felt like I was just existing, and it still does in many, many ways. There were some benefits, though. I helped my sister raise my nephew and I developed an unmatchable bond with him because of this; a rare connection that I doubt I will ever have with another child (unless I have my own, obviously). That was round about the time I disappeared from this blog. I made my post about my book-which we’ll get to-and then sort of vanished.

In 2019, I put myself in to be put on a waiting list for an Autism Assessment. Being twenty one at the time, many asked why I was doing it. What was the point if I wasn’t a kid anymore? I always say the same thing in return. I needed answers. An anxiety diagnosis did fit me but I always felt like there was something else. Like I had only gotten half an answer instead of a full one. Events and behaviours that traced back to my childhood that couldn’t possibly have been anxiety. I wasn’t anxious when I was five. I was actually incredibly outgoing. So why did I hate fireworks and discos and crowded shops and struggled so much trying to make friends? Why was I so focused on these fandoms in my teenage years? Why was I so obsessed that I couldn’t put the phone down and separate myself from that world? That wasn’t anxiety either.

Last year, on May 31st, I was diagnosed with autism. Hearing those words felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I had an answer. Everything suddenly made so much sense. This anxiety I had been diagnosed with in 2017 was very much still anxiety, but it was an anxiety that stemmed from something much larger. Something much larger that had been a part of me all this time, but had been neglected for twenty three years.

Co. Down Woman Opens Up about Being Diagnosed with Autism at 23

Now, I’m not using autism as a shield for the fights I used to get into on here. That was all me, whether I was knowingly autistic or not. My neurodivergence doesn’t excuse me from that. In fact, I cringe at the idea of someone excusing my previously argumentative nature just because I’m autistic. It is not a protective blanket; an excuse to throw at people to avoid culpability. All it did, for me, was explain a great deal of stuff such as why I did certain things, or behaved in certain ways. But an excuse? Absolutely not.

The Seven

My final post on this blog before I became Houdini and vanished into the ether was about being published. This did happen. In April 2019, my debut novel The Seven released on Amazon. It’s an LGBTQ+ urban fantasy, and centers around seven characters who have supernatural abilities based on the day of the week they were born on. I never got around to doing an official announcement before I decided to stop posting, which is a shame because there are some congratulations messages in my inbox that I feel terrible for not responding to. I appreciate you, even though the chances of you seeing this are incredibly slim.

Just last year, The Seven became an Amazon Kindle exclusive and can be read for free if you have Kindle Unlimited. Sorry, that feels like a shameless plug but I wanted to let you guys know that the book I last posted about did happen. It wasn’t a pipe dream, or a lie, or bait before I left.

The Seven ebook

If you’ve been following this blog since my fanfiction days, then this is a really nice achievement to be able to share. A “heh, look, I actually did it!” type of moment. I could have done it earlier. I potentially should have done it earlier. But the time never felt right to come back. Better late than never, I suppose? If you do ever decide to read my word stained pages, drop me a line or an ask and let me know what you thought, yeah?

The Future

I want to come back to this website, but I will be doing so hesitantly. I’m going to take my time and gauge how my psyche behaves. If I sense myself becoming unhealthily obsessed again, or if I feel myself falling back into old actions, I most likely won’t return for good. But at least I will have this post here to fill you guys in on where I went and what happened in the period of time I was away. I’ll probably do a bit of rebranding on here regardless, because I have outgrown hgtmigirlxx and some of her quirks.

Most of all, I want to thank everyone who made my Tumblr experience so enjoyable. Despite everything I said here, I loved this site and my blog and my mutuals. It was fun, and it was silly, and it was good. To the insane fellows who are still following this dumb blog, I see you guys and I love you. You’re all so important to me.

If you made it to the end of this stupidly long post, you deserve a medal of perseverance. But thank you for bearing with me! Your dedication is admirable and you’re amazing.

Kind regards,

Erin

Where Else to Find Me

#update #blogupdate #whereIhavebeen #wherehaveyoubeen #shadowhunters #thehungergames #fandom #mentalhealth #autism #authors #writing #thankyou #iloveyouall

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ivegottale · 1 year

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TRANS-GENDER......

I'm sorry but us women have worked very hard to get to the place we are today. In the work place, to elections, to sports. Just doesn't seem very balanced today. Did anyone ask us women for our opinion thee invasion to public restrooms, locker rooms or body mutilation to the under developed brain of a child. That's a women's job. Is to Bare & raise the children. Here are my thoughts on the subject.

1) Sports: Men are stronger than women. Not only do men have more muscle mass but we are designed different than men. Bone density is different. Men think more by logic. Where women are more on feelings.

2) We are throwing modesty right out the window. We already have a problem with girls acting like pigs. A term we used to describe some men who have behaved like pigs. Opportunity low hanging fruit women are giving the rest of the team a bad reputation. All around the world an American women is the least desirable female to wife amongst internationals. No man wants a women that has been around the block a few times or has no moral compass. There's an old saying; "Men undress you with their eyes." Seems to me, society just wants us undressed.

3) The fracturing of the English language. We already pronounce vase & harassment incorrectly. I'm not willing to change the way I was taught to speak for anybody. (It's 'hair-es-ment" not 'har-rass-ment. ). I'm not willing to entertain a person's delusion by going along with it. I have a saying I made up a longtime ago when I was dating a habitual liar. "If it's snowing outside and you come to my door selling ice. Doesn't mean I gooda buy it.". I'm not changing my pronouns for the sake of someone's BPD. (borderline personal disorder)

4) Mutilation of an under aged adult or child. If one can't smoke, drink, vote or get a tatoo before their 18 or 21. They certainty can not make an irreversible decision like this. The doctors that perform these procedures should be stripped of their licenses. a) It's a very dangerous surgery. b) It leaves a very bad scar. c) Why are we so determined to push these bata blocker medications into our children. We are still fighting ritalin from being used. I think it's just another way to get these pharmaceutical companies to get rich quick by prescribing something that would be taken for life from the time they are an adolescent or since abortion is off the table. They need to compensate somewhere else to maintain their lifestyle. So they came up with this brilliant idea.

4) Transgender doesn't exist. There are men and there are women. We think differently, feel differently, and react differently. Our genes determine that with a XY or a XX. Just because one saids it enough or long enough doesn't make it true. Hollywood has been paying male actors to put on a dress on film for years. A very prominent actor have been offered as much as $50 million dollars to perform this humiliation. I guess the elite know the U. S. is in a real financial crisis right now and trying to figure out how to hang onto their cash but not at the expense of their entertainment game they play with us "ordinaries" without digging into their pockets anymore.

If we keep pushing this issue. It's going to get a lot of people killed or get off scott free for murder. Murders won't need to hide the bodies anymore. All they have to do is cross dress the person and call it self-defence.

(one of my other little sayings)

"The kidnapper or rapist doesn't get you in the back of their van because they were mean."

Think we all need a course in "Charm School" and stop devaluing women.

This sounds more like, a war against evil and Gods design.

0 notes

dailyaudiobiblechronological · 1 year

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10/30/2022 DAB Chronological Transcription

Luke 17:11-18:14

Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible Chronological. I'm China. Today is the 30th day of October. Welcome. It is so great to be back here with you this week as we are finishing out the last week well, the last couple of days, but also the last week of October. Very excited to finish this out together. And I cannot believe we're almost in November. Just this past weekend, Reagan, my daughter and I, we were outside and we went for a walk in the morning and we all had sweaters on. And then we came home in the afternoon. We were playing outside with the leaves and playing with chalk, and we had to go inside and change and put short sleeves on because it was really warm. It was 73 degrees outside. And I was okay, here we are. Welcome to Fall in the south, where it changes every day. So we'll see. We've definitely had 70 degree Christmas days, so maybe that will happen, I don't know. But I'm very I'm like actually in the Christmas mood. I feel like I've never been actually in the Christmas mood. I kind of have to force yourself there. But I've been really excited and looking forward to it. Maybe it's because I have a kiddo now, but anyways, excited to be back here with you today. Today we are in the book of Luke. We are in chapter 17. We're going to be in verse eleven through chapter 18, through verse 14. That's a little confusing for a second, but since it's a new week, we're going to switch up the translation. And we will be in the English Standard version.

Commentary:

So what an upside down thing to hear. We talked about this not last week, but the week before, and just kind of walking through what it would be like if we were in this time frame with Jesus, if we had a way of belief that we were claiming this is right, this is the way to do it. We've been instructed by God and we have followed in this. This has been this way for how long? And now here's this man claiming to be the Messiah, claiming to be what we have been looking for, but he's not in the way we expected him. He's not saying the things we expected. And Jesus is speaking in parables, and he had to have known that some people were not going to be able to understand. It's like when it's almost like this. And the reason why I say this is because this happened to me recently. It's like when a kid tells you a joke and they are like waiting for you to laugh. And you're like, those are just much words together and I don't understand what you say, what you're saying, but you want me to understand, don't you? So I will just nod my head or laugh. It happened the other day to me, and I just said, I don't know what to do. But that's kind of like what my brain thinks in terms of terrible, because there's some of these that I read and I'm like, okay, I want to dive deeper into this. Maybe there's some cultural things that need to be taken into consideration, and maybe it's because I have some things in my own heart that are hardened and need to be softened. But also imagine being told that there's a coming of the kingdom and hearing a parable that there's going to be two laying in a bed and one will still be laying there while the other is gone, right? Is this not the plot for Left Behind, right? These are the things I never have watched that. So if it's not the plot, then so sorry. But I remember people saying that they watched that movie and we're terrified because it's like the scary thought of, like, oh, did I miss the rapture? I think my mom has a few of those stories. And so when you're kind of told those things as a kid, I remember playing the game behind and go seek and couldn't find a friend or a family member, whoever I was playing with, and feeling like, is this the rapture? Did I get left behind? But all this to say, could you imagine being in this crowd? Could you imagine being a pharisee? First of all, no, thank you. But then could you imagine though, like, truly being on the receiving end of this and being confused, being perplexed, being like, okay, I don't really want to ask questions because I've seen what happens to the type of responses. But nonetheless, the Lord well, Jesus, he is revealing the Lord's kingdom. He's revealing why his father sent him. And I love that he's not like, you guys get it. Come on, understand it. Come on. Why don't you understand? It like what we do when we feel misunderstood or make ourselves big or feel small and retaliate in whatever way that looks like. I just love that Jesus proves Himself to be faithful and true in every single thing that he does. And that just feels so inviting and so endearing and so drawing in. And I think if anything, it just makes me pray that same prayer that that man that we read about the week before last where he said, Lord, I believe that help my unbelief. And gosh, I just find myself praying that so often.

Prayer:

So Lord I thank you for your word. I thank you again that we have Your scriptures to really check ourselves and to check and see what's going on in our hearts and even the things that we don't super grasp what I think that we have Your Word to go back to and as we evolve in our faith and as we evolve in our understanding of you and even culture from way back then. Because I know that plays a huge part in the context. I thank you that your truth is still there and that it is constantly revealing new pieces of itself and yourself to us. And I just thank you that you aren't frustrated with our human mind or our human heart. You created it. You know us and you love us and Lord, we thank you for that. And it's in your name, we pray. Amen.

Announcements:

Dailyaudiobible.com is our website. That's a place of connection so you can see what is happening here in the community, how to get connected and stay connected. Then be sure to check that out. You can also go to Facebook.comdailyaudiobiblechronological and we have a page there that you can also connect with other DABCers as well. It's fun sometimes to put a name to a face. So if that is something that you would like to utilize, feel free to do so. That is all for today. I'm China. I love you and I'm excited about this week, but I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer Line:

Hello DABC family. This is Diana from Florida and I want to provide an update on the girls that I'm mentoring. One of them, her name is Jasmine. I had shared with you all that she needs a car and she still has not gotten the car yet. But the praise report here is that she has been able to team up with another mom in the program to lease their own apartment. And this is so huge community, because originally these girls were renting rooms, they didn't have a kitchen for themselves to cook their own food, they were sharing bathrooms with multiple people. They didn't have their own space to go to where they could feel more safe and secure and be able to flourish better. And so this is such a huge deal, such a praise report, and I just want to thank everyone who's been praying for some of these girls. I also want to ask you to continue to pray for now, the next step of purchasing the car and dealing with all the kinks that come with that. But I also want to ask that you pray for my other men team. Her father has cancer. She just gave birth to her baby and I've been trying to be in touch with her, but she hasn't responded back. And I do believe that her emotions and are unraveling and she may be going through postpartum depression. Please pray for her. Her name is Katie. Take care community. Love you. Bye.

Hi, this prayer is for Andy James, who had a stroke after giving birth. Heavenly Father, lord, I want to lift up Andy to you right now. God, I ask that you would be with her in this time of need, her and her family, God, that you would work in her recovery, that you could be with the doctors, the physical therapists, the nurses, everyone that she comes in contact with, everyone that is helping her toward full and total recovery. Father, I asked that she would be with her husband and she is carrying the load of their household income right now and is the only parent to their little girl right now. Father, I ask that you would give him strength, give him comfort as his wife is away from him and bless him with everything that he needs. God. I want to lift up the grandparents that are taking baby Lily to see her mom on Sundays, God. I ask that you would speak to that little baby in a way that only you can. That you would send the Holy Spirit to comfort her as she is not able to spend that time and that bonding time with her mom. But that you will let her know that not only does her mother love her. But that you love her and that You've got her and you have her wrapped in Your arms in her mother's absence. Lord, I just ask that you with the grandparents, that you would give them strength, that they do all that they can for baby Lily and for Andy, and for Andy's husband. I just noticed that this entire family, the entire situation, god, you are in control and there are no mistakes, Father. So we lift up this family to you God, in Jesus precious name we pray. Amen.

Hi, this is Victoria Soldier, just calling to pray for some of the DABers. I wanted to pray for Liz from Texas about her business and her family. I wanted to pray for Julie, who's dealing with multiple sclerosis, and I want to pray for her. And the lady who called her husband and her going, I think her husband had multiple sclerosis and they are going through it in their family. And we will pray for those who lost a loved one in their family and they're going through the precious doctor that lost their life in a home while in bed. I want to pray for that family and the one that was in an automobile accident. I wanted to pray for their precious family that they will make it through those who have lost someone and they don't know how to mourning process. And I just want to ask God to help them and to strengthen them and to help them to find the strength to make it through. Gracious Father, praise your name. I just ask you to touch your DAB listeners, Lord. Touch your people, Father, and the challenges that they're going through. Lord, you are God that can heal. The lady said if you could just touch him your garment that you shall be made whole. You said greater things that we are able to do, Lord, and we just ask you for healing. We just ask you for deliverance. We just ask you for strength. We just ask you for your grace. We just ask you for the victory in Christ Jesus, lord, we just ask you to have Your way, lord, we just glad that you never leave us and never forsake forsaken, Lord, there was that precious young man that committed suicide, Lord. Oh, Lord, we asked you to touch our children, Lord, and help them to find a way. Oh, God. In the name of Jesus. Touch that family, Lord, and help them to find the peace and the strength to make it through. Father, in the name of Jesus. Lord, we just praise you. And we thank you for the victory. We thank you for the victory because you always causes us to triumph. We thank you for the healing. We thank you for that precious lady that wants to walk with her children, Father. We just ask that you granted that victory in the mighty name of Jesus. We thank you, Lord. We thank you for touching DABers. We thank you for touching Brian and his family. Jill and China and little baby. And of course the whole family. We just ask you to have your way. And, Lord, we give you the glory and the honor and the praise in Jesus name. Have a good day. Love you all. Bye.

0 notes

jkstompers · 3 years

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passing notes | jjk

pairing: jeon jungkook x female reader

summary: a year of crushing and jungkook’s finally asked you out on a proper date.

genre: classmates to lovers??!, established friendship, they go on a date <3, jk is so stressed out, !fancy restaurant warning!, jk is A GENTLEMAN!! but wbk, oc is a nerd but is BOLD AF!!

warnings: mature!! (18+!!), SMUT,...they make out, LOTS of built up tension is let out tonite!, fingering, praise kink, handjob, backseat action, semi-public sex?? very strong language, jk overuses the nickname ‘baby’

word count: 9k

author’s note: pt. 3 of seatmate!jk. WE’VE GOT SOME FILTH TODAY PPL!!!!!!! this is my first time releasing a piece of writing that has smut in it so pls!! let me know what u think!!! i’m open to criticism but i cry easily so… pls pls be nice (Ｔ▽Ｔ) LMAO!! i also completely made up the program for ocean scientists that oc talks about LMAO i just needed her to ramble for a bit hahahah

additional note: also pls imagine jungkook looking like this in class and then wearing this for their date. also if ur curious, this is what i imagined oc’s dress to look like :)

okay enjoy!! thank u ( ˘ ³˘)

it was the end of the semester and of course, the only time jungkook would be running late to class was when he was finally going to ask you out on a date. so far, everything seems to be going against the idea. his alarm didn’t go off on time, the shower took way too long to warm up, and his car was low on gas. now he’s speed walking, almost running, to lecture to make sure that his seat next to you isn’t taken.

he wants to make sure this goes perfectly. he spent the past two weeks stressing over the plans. asking for recommendations for nice restaurants in the city in almost every group chat he was in. his friend (the one with parents as ceo’s, eunwoo), helped him and got him a reservation at this one five star restaurant that jungkook’s never been to. eunwoo told him that it was the prettiest place he’s ever been to, said it would be perfect for a first date.

jungkook specifically remembers you telling him that you’ve never gone on an actual dinner date. ice cream dates, movie theater dates, and amusement park dates were what you were used to. there was nothing wrong with that, it’s just that you’ve never experienced a candlelit dinner at a restaurant, that’s it. jungkook just wanted to be the first one to experience it with you.

so when his morning starts off this shitty, he wonders if his plans are falling apart. he tries to keep a good, positive mindset, but he’s already so nervous and the universe seems to be telling him: don’t do it, she’ll reject you, you’re gonna look stupid in front of her.

meanwhile, you’re early this lecture. it was the last class of the semester and you were hoping that you could get a nice conversation with jungkook in before it started. the two of you have gotten a lot closer since you last hung out. the chain of events starting with you apologizing for being so embarrassing,

[12:44 pm] you: jungkook!!! oh my god i am so sorry for last night 😭

[12:45 pm] you: i don’t take alcohol very well 😖

[12:50 pm] jungkook: 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[12:50 pm] jungkook: no need to apologize! are u feeling sick? hungover?

[12:52 pm] you: omg no not really

[12:52 pm] you: ur a great drinking buddy, i owe u one 🥺

[12:53 pm] jungkook: it’s alright cutie

[12:54 pm] jungkook: just happy ur feeling okay :)

[12:56 pm] you: let me make it up to u 😭 i’ll buy us lunch one of these days?

[12:57 pm] jungkook: ah no can do cutie

[12:57 pm] jungkook: have to buy u dinner first

the thought of the conversation makes you smile. that one conversation starting the domino effect of the two of you talking almost everyday for the past two weeks. you couldn’t help but expect jungkook to at least be here, but if he didn’t wanna come, then he didn’t have to.

you sat in your seat, patiently waiting for the one next to you to be filled by him. the hall was starting to fill now and class was about to start. you look around one last time to see that jungkook is still nowhere to be seen, and that a familiar brown-haired guy was beginning to walk up to you.

“hello, ___! is this seat taken?” taehyung smiles brightly, you look down at the seat next to you. your bag saving the spot for jungkook. maybe he skipped this lecture, since it was practically for nothing anyway, you’ve already taken the final and there was no other material to learn, it was more so to wrap things up and see if anyone still needed to understand something.

your brain comes to a conclusion. you remove your bag and say, “no, go ahead,” to taehyung with a small smile on your face, one that hides the disappointment riddling your mind.

it’s about five minutes after the professor starts talking when jungkook finally walks in. he looks up to try and find you as he walks up the steps of the auditorium. his eyes land on you and taehyung, chatting amongst yourselves. he can’t help but feel a slight twinge of jealousy, that’s his seat. even though there were no assigned seats, the place next to you was always his, that’s just how it was, and seeing someone else sitting there, especially taehyung, makes jungkook’s green monster pop out.

you feel a presence step behind you while you were talking to taehyung, and before you know it, jungkook is sitting in the seat next to taehyung. “oh! good morning, jungkook!” you’re smiling to him. he doesn’t grant you one of his regular vocal responses, rather he gives you a tight-lipped grin before he leans back into his chair and focuses on whatever the professor was saying.

maybe he was jealous. witnessing you and taehyung having a wonderful conversation, one that makes you smile and laugh like he does. you didn’t even notice him when he came up the stairs, only greeting him when he sat down. no, he was definitely jealous.

you’re stealing glances his way, pretending to be interested in whatever taehyung is talking about. he’s wearing the most boyfriend-est outfit in the world. a white long sleeve with grey sweatpants, his long hair tied up in a ponytail. you’re unconsciously biting your lip as you stare at him, he’s just so cool. he’s not even doing much other than looking straight forward. but this angle lets you see his sharp jawline and his side profile perfectly.

you felt bad, one hundred percent. you should have told taehyung that the seat was taken, because now he was talking your ear off and you didn’t mind it, but you wanted someone else to be talking your ear off and it was the guy sitting next to him.

when taehyung changes his focus to your professor talking about a summer he had in paris. you steal another glance at jungkook. you catch him staring at you, your eyes meet. he doesn’t keep the connection, cutting it off by moving his head and looking straight ahead. his jaw clenches, arms coming over and across his chest. he seems angry, you pick up on the energy now. an idea pops in your head to try and make him feel better. reaching into your bag to find one of your index cards, writing a message on it.

feeling okay?

you scoot your chair back a bit, pretending to stretch as you tap jungkook’s shoulder. he turns his head to you, eyebrows raised. you hand him the paper. he stares at first, eyes flickering between you and the paper. reluctantly, he takes it, unfolding his crossed arms to receive the note. you scoot back into your seat and lean into the table, lowering your chin onto the desk.

jungkook tries to hide his smile as he reads your little note. how could he ever stay mad at you? it wasn’t your fault he was late. so he replies, his black ink has a stark contrast against your green highlighter. he can already feel his bad mood brightening.

yeah, didn’t save me a seat? :(

this time he folds the note, handing it to taehyung and telling him to pass it to you. “really? you’re passing notes? we’re in college, jeon.” taehyung snickers as he slides the paper towards you.

you let a small laugh, reading the note. taehyung’s scolding continues as you write your response on the index card. you changed your green highlighter out with a blue pen.

i came super early :( waited 20 mins for u </3 but i didn’t think u were coming so i let taehyung sit here

you send it back and watch jungkook’s somewhat straight face contort into a smile. there it is, the smile that you know and love.

jungkook on the other hand could cry. you came early. you waited for him. god, had he royally fucked this up. he makes his mind up now.

i’m sorry :( let me make it up to u? can i take you out on a date tonight?

check: ◯ yes ◯ no

jungkook keeps the paper for a good minute, reading the note over and over again, thinking about how childish this way of asking is. but at the same time, jungkook knows that if he talks to you about it after class, he’ll gloss over the words and never ask you. letting the reservation and plans he made weeks ago render themselves useless. it was now or never.

so he fully sends it, tapping your shoulder and giving it to you directly. you open the note and scan the words, sending him the sweetest look he’s ever received in his life. he thinks that would be a yes. he hopes. you write something onto the card and pass it back to him, your hand grazing his for a second.

⚫ yes :) ♡ ◯ no

the rest of the class passes pretty quickly. not that you were paying any attention. jungkook had emailed you a link to a game that the two of you could play, a weird version of snakes. jungkook kept cheating, you swore it, but in all honesty, you knew you couldn’t compete when it came to jungkook and his computer games. a clap from the professor breaks your attention from your screen, “alright, that was the last class of anatomy 101!” he then goes on a two minute long speech thanking the entire class for their great work this past year. he ends his ment with, “good luck and make good decisions! have a fun summer!”

you take your time packing your things, a little too long for someone that just has a laptop to put into their bag. taehyung says goodbye to the both of you and leaves first, the seat in between you both empty. now it was just the two of you. a small blush creeps onto your cheeks. you were well past your high school crush phase, but jungkook makes you feel so shy again.

you try to hide it by speaking first, “so, a date?”

he sends you that award winning smile that makes you swoon. “yeah, did you change your mind?”

you shake your head. “is it casual? fancy? want me to wear a dress again?” you tease, finally pushing your computer into your bag and standing.

jungkook gulps. you looked so pretty that night in a dress. “fancy,” he answers, “you can wear a dress if you want, pantsuits are cool too— whatever you want.” he finishes packing as well, standing next to you as you both begin to walk down the stairs.

“okay then,” you smile. “what time should i be ready?”

“i’ll come and pick you up at seven, is that okay?” he replies, hand in his pockets. you both make your way out of the room and start to move towards the parking lot.

“sounds good,” you nod, approaching your car. jungkook walks you to your door, his eyes focused on your sweet smile and your eyes. if jungkook didn’t know any better, he would have thought you were leaning closer towards him. a small laugh leaves your throat. “see you later, kookie.”

he sends you a smile, the nickname tugging at his heartstrings. the realization hits him after you’ve already driven away and he’s sitting in the driver seat of his car. an embarrassing blush covers his face, he takes a deep breath and laughs to himself. finally. a year of crushing and he’s finally asked you on a proper date.

jungkook is quite frankly, freaking the fuck out. he isn’t sure what to wear and his hair isn’t working with him. the long strands seemingly out to make his life a living hell when he tries to style it. one strand always looks out of place, or the way that it parts doesn’t sit right. he’s pacing his bathroom, debating if he should just shower again and take all the stupid fucking product out of his hair.

he gives in after ten minutes of deliberation. a quick shower removing all the wax and gel from his hair. the ends of his hair dripping when he goes to check his phone, the time reading: 6:45. he was gonna be late to pick you up. now he’s full on panicking. he has no other choice then to skip the hair product all together and just let his hair dry and part on it’s own. he slides on his all black fancy outfit he had planned out just in case the first one didn’t work out. he steps out of his apartment after grabbing his car keys, wallet, and the flowers he bought earlier in the day for you.

a friend of his works in a flower shop. jungkook remembers you saying that you like all flowers and that you couldn’t choose if you had to. so his friend asked what you were like, trying to figure out a way to style the bouquet without knowing your favorites. jungkook said the general things; you’re sweet like an apple, probably sweeter, like candy. you’re so pretty, it’s blessing that he’s able to lay his eyes upon you. you’re smart, too smart for him to flirt stupidly like he always does, ‘cause you outsmart him and flirt with him back in a wittier way. you’re— that was enough information, his friend told him he was babbling again. jungkook only had to wait ten minutes for his friend to finish fixing up a beautiful bouquet for you.

the bouquet is placed on the passenger seat as he starts his car, texting you when he realizes it’s almost five minutes until 7.

[6:54 pm] jungkook: fuck

[6:54 pm] jungkook: i’m gonna be a little late

[6:55 pm] jungkook: i swear i’m not standing u up

[6:55 pm] jungkook: ok i’m putting my phone down to drive to u now, sorry cutie!!

[6:57 pm] you: ah okay!

[6:57 pm] you: i was getting a little worried haha

[6:58 pm] you: see u in a bit <3

jungkook drives safely, but efficiently to your apartment. the drive only taking about five minutes because the stop lights were gracing him with green lights his entire way to you. he parks right in front, grabbing the flowers and hopping out of the car. when he knocks on your door, he starts to feel his nerves work against him. the adrenaline from rushing here gave him enough energy to hype himself up, but now as he’s standing here at your door, waiting for you to answer, his throat starts to dry and his hands start to sweat.

the metal door slides open, revealing you. in your silk dress, draping over your body in the most flattering way. the neckline deliciously hangs down to reveal your cleavage ever so slightly and the slit on the dress, displaying your thigh teasingly. jungkook is speechless at his first glance at you. his eyebrows raise and his mouth drops open, catching himself drooling once you step out from your apartment.

“h— hi, you look— wow,” he stumbles over his words, taking a step back to admire you once again. “you’re fucking stunning.”

you brush your hair back behind your ear, your hand covering the blush covering your cheeks. “thank you, you look very handsome, jungkook.” you reach out and play with his black tie. he looks down when you do, remembering that he was holding a bouquet of flowers for you.

he holds them out, “these are for you.” like a kid giving his crush a dandelion he picked from the grass.

“these are gorgeous, jungkook! thank you.” you look up to him with your signature sweet eyes, the ones that never fail to make him melt. “just give me one sec, i’ll put these down and then we can go?” you ask, holding onto the bouquet and waiting for him to respond. a quick nod is all you need to open your door and place them in the fridge. you come out a few seconds later, locking your door and standing by jungkook again.

“that was fast,” he comments. he holds his arm out for you to hold, which you gratefully take.

“i just put them in the fridge, my grandma showed me the trick, it helps them live a little longer,” you explain. the two of you walking out to his parked car. he never lets your hand touch the handle, always opening the door for you.

“when they die, i’ll just buy you new ones.” closing the door for you and making his way to the drivers seat.

you scrunch your nose. when he comes back and joins you in the car, you voice your worry. “it’s kind of a waste, don’t you think?”

he shakes his head, “if it’s for you, nothing’s a waste.”

jungkook was a professional with his words. always rendering you speechless.

with that he starts the car and begins driving into the busier part of seoul. he makes his way into the restaurants parking garage, the building looks to be about five stories. the architecture itself looks expensive, you wonder where jungkook is taking you tonight. he parks the car, turning off the engine, and moving to open the door for you. he takes your hand and you hold onto your dress, fixing it once you get out of the car. god, you’re so pretty. he was so nervous.

“ready, my lady?” he smiles, his arm out for you to hold.

it makes you laugh, a snort almost. “i’ve never seen you so proper, mr. jeon.”

“only for you,” he winks. your heels click against the concrete floor as he leads the two of you into the building. the high ceilings and multiple chandeliers are what greet you first, the brightness of the place giving the sun something to rival. jungkook brings you over to the waiting area, telling you to wait for a minute as he checks you guys in.

this was crazy to say the least. the last time you went on a date, it was to the movie theaters. you’ve never been in a place like this; a doorman greeting every guest as they walk in, checking in to eat, multi-story, etc. the more you look around, the cooler it is. “let’s go?” jungkook’s voice makes you turn your head. you stand, taking his hand.

the two of you follow a man wearing a black and white suit, with a long tail jacket. he brings you to the elevators, holding the doors open for you both. you step in and he presses the fifth button, which was the top floor. you squeeze jungkook’s hand. he repeats the action, looking to you and silently asking if you were okay with the look in his eyes and the raise of his eyebrows. you nod, a smile on your face.

with that the elevator doors open, the metal doors sliding apart to reveal a private terrace. only a couple tables on the entire floor. a few people sitting down and enjoying their dinners. beautiful greenery surrounding the perimeter, the night sky only making it prettier. your mouth is left agape, you’re stuck in the elevator, speechless. jungkook gently tugs you forward, following the suit man to the table.

jungkook pulls your chair out for you. you could cry at the chivalry. you sit and he pushes the chair in, jungkook follows soon, sitting in the chair across from you. the man hands the two of you the menu and moves away from the table, standing back near to the elevator, waiting until you are both ready to order.

“this is fucking crazy,” you whisper-shout. the terrace was lit by these bright fairy lights that were hidden in the plants and were above the tables as well. it looked like little fairies and fire flies were in the air, roaming around.

“i know right!” jungkook looked as surprised as you were. “i asked my friends for some help and holy shit!”

“they know you’re on a date with me right now?” you ask, raising your eyebrows.

to this he furrows his eyebrows, “of course they do, i talk about you all the time—”but he stops himself from exposing himself any further. you can’t help but giggle. “i mean, i asked them to help me make this special, and here we are.”

you swoon. he’s so sweet for planning all of this out and wanting to make you feel special. the two of you look through the menu, jungkook warns you not to look at the prices, telling you to get whatever you want because the price doesn’t matter. but of course, your eyes stray to the numbers, the meals costing a pretty penny for a simple spaghetti plate, the cheapest thing on there. you were craving pasta anyway, you didn’t mind. the two of you order and wait for the food to arrive.

the city of seoul was just below you, not too high but high enough to turn people into smaller figures of themselves. the night lights look gorgeous from up here. the warm summer night only complimenting the gorgeous atmosphere.

“the view is so pretty,” you gaze out into the city. the pretty colors from all the lights of the different stores and restaurants complementing each other so beautifully.

jungkook was in awe, he knows that the city below you is gorgeous, but he can’t seem to get his eyes off of you. your chin resting in the palm of your hand as your eyes search through the streets. “yeah…” he agrees, “very beautiful.” he smiles, only looking at you.

the food comes and you both dig in. the two of you enjoy some conversation with each other as you eat. the topic of growing up comes up, both of you explaining the occupations you wanted, and you said something that sparked curiosity in jungkook. “your childhood dream was to live in california?” he smiles, chewing on his steak. most of the time kids dream about going to the moon or finding atlantis, but you wanted to go to america?

you nod, “sounds funny right? when i was a teen, i watched a lot of 90210.”

“is that all though? you only wanted to go because of a tv show?” he asks. there’s something you’re hiding, and jungkook can see it in the way that you hide your smile.

at first, you hesitate, but you open your mouth to speak, “well— there is— no, it’s embarrassing.” you shake your head, changing your mind and reverting your eyes down. staring at the plate of pasta in front of you. guys you talked to didn’t wanna hear about it, they thought what you were into was boring, embarrassing almost. a part of you feared that jungkook would feel the same.

you feel his hand on your chin, tilting your head up. “i wanna hear about it.” his face telling you the truth, the sincerity in his eyes as he patiently waits for you to explain.

“there’s this science program in california, they explore new ideas for researching the ocean, like trying to see what lurks in the deep blue, helping fix the rising oceans, everything-- oh my god, and they like go on field trips to different countries to see the coastlines and historical sites—” you cut yourself off when you realize that you’re talking at the speed of light. “i’m rambling.” you were terrified to see his reaction.

but when your eyes finally meet jungkook’s, they’re full of light. and his smile is so big. “dude, that’s so dope!” he grins, “i didn’t know you were so into the ocean!”

it was the bare minimum, being nice, but that was hard to find when it came to the majority of the male species. obviously, jungkook is above average, he only proves that the more time you spend with him.

“oh, i love it! my parents would bring me to the beach and i would cry every time we would have to leave, aquariums too, and the fish section in the pet stores.” you gush, leaning into the table to tell jungkook more. he leans into his hand, resting his cheek against his fist as he listens to you spill your knowledge and love.

he notes that the next date should be at the beach or an aquarium. it was a great time for him to learn this, especially since it was summer. the weather in favor of the cold ocean waves. jungkook swears he can listen to you talk until the end of time. your sweet voice can be the narration to his life, he’d never get sick of it.

the food on both of your plates had been cleared, the conversation sizzling into a comfortable silence before the man came back to give you the bill. jungkook doesn’t let you see it, instead just sticking his card in the black folder thing, and giving it back to the fancy suit man. it wasn’t long before he came back, handing jungkook back his card and giving the both of you a lollipop with gold flakes encased inside.

you gasp at the piece of candy, now that was ridiculous. you weren’t one to reject a lollipop though, gratefully taking the candy and popping it into your mouth. jungkook does the same. it tastes of blueberry. at this point he stands up, moving in front of you and holding his hand out to you. “let’s look around? i heard they have a cool museum on the second floor.”

you take his hand, “i love museums!” the two of you make your way to the elevator, the man (he never told you his name) kept the door open for you both. he presses the second floor button when jungkook asks him for the museum. the elevator landing on the second floor, the doors slide open to show a completely empty art hall. this place shocking you every chance it gets. you didn’t think it could get better, but it did.

when the two of you exit the elevator, the man leaves you to it, taking the elevator down and leaving you alone. your eyes scan the place, huge paintings on the walls, small paintings in collages, some sculptures on the floor, it felt like a pop-up museum. you both make your way down the enormous hallway, both sides of the room’s wall displaying works of art. you stop at one specific painting, the familiar work has you spewing random facts. “these are the lovers! i had to analyze this once,” you speak. the art displaying a couple kissing, both of their heads covered by a white sheet. “the real one is in australia, i think.” you laugh, tapping the lollipop against your lips.

jungkook listens intently, but he doesn’t pay attention to the painting on the wall. everytime he does, his eyes always revert to you. the art doesn’t stand a chance against you in his book. you, yourself, were a piece of art, one that was rare in this world, one of a kind.

he can’t seem to resist. taking your hand and raising it over your head, the way that they do in ballroom dancing. if a twirl was what he wanted, then so he got it. “beautiful,” he compliments, pulling you in close for a hug. the two of you swaying in the middle of the hall of this stupidly expensive restaurant.

you look up to him, making full eye contact as the two of you lean on one foot to the other. probably looking like a lovesick couple, getting lost in the moment. which, you were. your eyes flicker from his eyes down to his lips, he seems to do the same thing. his hand moves to caress your face, the swaying ceased. now the two of you are centimeters apart, noses brushing against each other. if jungkook doesn’t kiss you now, he thinks he’ll combust. so when he feels you pushing forward, he does the same, meeting you in the middle. your lips connect. the kiss almost identical to the painting in front of you.

jungkook swears he felt himself levitating. your lips are sweet, the blueberry flavor of the lollipop lingering on them. he’s had his fair share of kisses in his life. makeouts, pecks, cheek kisses, all types of kisses. but something about this one tells him that he’s in for it. he’ll never be able to get enough now that he’s gotten a taste.

neither of you want to take it too far; swallowing each other's faces in a distinguished, five star restaurant’s museum didn’t seem very proper. so the two of you make your way out of the building, thanking everyone at the front desk, especially the man that helped you out today, and walking into the parking garage where jungkook’s car was.

when you get to his car, he moves to open the passenger door for you but you stop him with a hand on his arm. you reach to open the back door handle and his eyes almost bulge out. everyone knows what happens in the backseat, and jungkook did not prepare himself for something like this.

you look up at him with the most innocent eyes, but there’s something devious hidden in your smile when you ask, “do you wanna talk for a bit longer? in the backseat? it’s more comfortable than sitting in the front.”

jungkook never took you for someone this bold. it’s either you didn’t know the meaning of the backseat (which was totally fine) or you knew very well, and had plans to devour jungkook (which was also totally fine).

he chickens out, his hands starting to sweat. “do you want to just go for a little walk or something?” it’s not like jungkook didn’t want anything to happen, it’s that he did. if he starts, he doesn’t know if he’ll ever recover from it. he walks a tightrope around you when it comes to his self control. one wrong move, and he’s terrified that he’ll fuck everything up.

“oh, it’s just my feet kinda hurt from these heels.” you pout, lifting you foot up to show him the almost stiletto heel.

his eyes widen. why didn’t he think of that? “oh— oh shit, i didn’t even— yeah, let’s sit.” he tugs on the door, letting you slide into the back seat. he follows, leaving a good amount of space between you both to make sure that there was nothing too suspicious going on. you hope your bold moves hide your nervousness, despite your confidence, jungkook’s unsure looks make you want to curl up into a ball. did he not want this?

the air was different now. in the restaurant the two of you had been so carefree, slow dancing in the museum, and landing a sweet kiss on each other’s lips. but now, an uncomfortable silence tears at the two of you. your hesitance makes you speak, trying to see if a conversation would ease the tension in the air. “i had a lot of fun tonight, kookie, thank you.”

it seems to comfort jungkook, he lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in. with a small smile on his face he replies, “me too, i was really nervous you wouldn’t like the food.”

“oh it was good! i’ll eat anything really, it’s just—“

“you didn’t like the place? was it too much—“

“no, jungkook, oh my god— i loved it, it was just really expensive, i still feel really bad about you paying for all of it,” you look to him seriously. “let me give you at least my half?”

he shakes his head, “i asked you out on this date, it means i pay, don’t worry about the price.”

you roll your eyes playfully, “big spender huh?”

a pretty laugh escapes his lips. “hard worker too.”

to this you smile, you stare at his impossibly-perfect face, noticing a stray eyelash on his cheek. you see a chance to strike and you take it immediately. you lean forward to swipe it off. jungkook almost leans into your touch. he’s so terrified that he’ll embarrass himself right now, so he’s been holding back tremendously. but the way you pick the eyelash off and place it on your thumb with a smile on your face, it eases most of the tension in his chest.

“make a wish!” you hold your thumb up to his lips. his eyes cross to look at the piece of hair on your finger, but nevertheless he obliged. shutting his eyes tight, making a wish, and blowing the eyelash off of your thumb.

you let out a small cheer before you ask him, “what’d you wish for?”

“if i told you then my wish wouldn’t come true, right?” he boops your nose. suddenly, jungkook doesn’t feel so nervous. his nerves calming at the feeling of your soft hands against his face. you make him so nervous, but at the same time you make him so comfortable and make him want to be himself. it seems as though the two of you were staring at each other for a while. jungkook was thinking about how much he likes you, the same ideas run through your mind. the thoughts make you wish for something more.

“can i kiss you again, kookie?”

he stares at you, weighing his options. if he kisses you now, then he has to strategically only give you a few kisses, he absolutely cannot make out with you, or else, jungkook will succumb to his desires.

but he takes a little too long to respond. the both of you overthinking the fuck out of the situation. it makes you draw back. “it’s okay if you don’t want—“

“no, no, please, kiss me,” he brings you back, moving closer to you. licking his lips in anticipation as you slowly push forward, closing the gap between you both. the kiss is so sweet, like the one in the museum. jungkook can still taste the blueberry lingering on your lips. he doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of kissing you.

you pull away first. your eyes scanning his face to see any expression of regret. there’s none. his hand moves to the side of your face, caressing your face and bringing you to him once again to meet your lips. he can’t get enough. “tell me what you wished for, please,” you speak against his lips.

he smiles into the kiss. he wasn’t going to tell you, but since you were asking so nicely, he gives you a kiss on the cheek when he answers, “i wished for a second date.”

“oh, didn’t you know?” you kiss both of his cheeks before speaking again, “i grant wishes,” with wink.

“fuck, you’re so cute,” he thinks out loud, it makes you blush. pink cheeks out for show and jungkook thinks you look even cuter. he dives in for one more kiss, telling himself this will be the last one, but when you make sweet noises against his lips, it has him wanting more. hands moving down to your waist, pulling you in and letting you climb onto his lap. he pulls away first, trying to get a hold of himself. “i uh— actually, didn’t plan for this to happen,“ he mumbles against your skin, tripping over his words.

you look down, arms wrapped around his neck. “hm? what did you plan?”

“we were supposed to kiss on the next date i take you on and i didn’t think— we’re just ahead of schedule, that’s all.” jungkook tries to explain that he didn’t want to rush it, god no. he wanted to take his time, make sure that you didn’t feel pressured to do anything. but now, it seems like you’re taking the wheel and jungkook doesn’t mind it one bit.

“oh so you had like a real plan? like times and everything?” the thought of it makes you laugh, and the way that jungkook flushes makes you want to pinch his cheeks.

he pouts when you giggle, “don’t laugh, i just really, really wanted to do it right, you’re just so amazing and i didn’t wanna fuck it up.”

you smile at his concern. the fact that you have the uni heartthrob planning dates in his head down to the details and wanting to be sure he does it right makes your head spin. you hope jungkook doesn’t notice the way that your heart is beating three times the normal rate when you go to kiss him again. the only sounds in the car are labored breaths and your lips smacking together. it doesn’t take long before you’re grinding into him. his growing bulge rubbing against your soaking core. a groan leaving him when you grind particularly harder, his hands moving to your ass to grip it. you melt in his arms, small whimpers leaving your throat as jungkook drinks them up

you pull away from his lips, giving his cheeks attention then leaving a trail of kisses as you make your way to his ear. one final kiss is planted below his earlobe before you whisper, “am i ruining your plans, kookie?”

jungkook tries his best to conceal his groan, tries his best to ignore his incredibly hard dick in his jeans, but you’re so pretty and you’re on top of him, kissing him. it feels like a dream to jungkook. it is quite literally a dream come true.

he was already playing with fire, your body a flame in the cold, he moves closer and closer until he burns. “fuck plans,” he breathes. a hand comes back to caress your face once again. filthy thoughts flooding his brain. he wonders what being in between your legs is like, what you sound like when you cum. he wants to make you cry and beg for his cock. but he holds himself back, knowing that you’ll have time to try everything out, if you wanted of course. he leans the both of you forward, his large hands splayed on your back to secure you on his lap. your lips find each other once more. “can i touch you?” he asks so sweetly, a hidden poison weaving through that you can slightly hear through the deep rumble of his voice.

you’ve never wanted anything more. “please,” you nod. your lips chasing his when he pulls further away.

jungkook smiles at the action. “lay on my lap, baby.” he instructs, tapping your thigh. the nickname rolling off his tongue, his voice seemingly dropping an entire octave. you raise your leg and move it over to sit on his lap, sideways. your back against the car door and his right hand rubbing your thighs ever so gently.

“like this?” you ask, looking to him for reassurance. he looks to you with eyes that you’ve never seen, lusted and dark.

“mhm, perfect,” he nods. “good girl.” the praise goes straight to your belly, your panties flooding from how much you want him. his hands move slowly down your inner thighs as he goes in to kiss you again.

you’re absentmindedly spreading your legs, making room for him. he smirks against your lips when he realizes. he knows what you want, so his fingers move to your panties, lightly putting pressure over your clothed bud. you whimper at the feeling, biting his lip in the process. he moans in response, putting a little more pressure against your bundle of nerves.

“jungkook,” you whine, pulling away from his lips, “please.”

“please what, baby?” he kisses your cheek, “tell me what you want.”

“please touch me, please.” you beg, making eye contact with him. jungkook’s dick twitches at the sound of your begging. he wanted to string you along a little longer, but you’re being so good.

“since you asked so nicely, baby,” he obliges. bunching your dress up around your waist and noticing the pretty black lace underwear you were wearing, “for me?” he asks. you nod, your teeth taking in your bottom lip. he groans at the thought, you getting ready and picking out these cute, risque panties out just for him. it’s just too bad they’re gonna be on the floor on his car. he’s gonna need to ask for a rain check on admiring you and your cute underwear later.

you lift your hips to help him, underwear coming off to reveal your soaking pussy. “oh, fuck,” jungkook murmurs at the sight of it. “you’re so wet baby.” he almost starts drooling, he can’t wait to taste you, but he’s still hesitant, only wanting to do what you want to. next time, he can eat you out. right now, he’ll admire the delicious sight and make you cum on his fingers.

your eyes travel to the window directly in front of you, suddenly feeling insecure. thighs closing, thinking about how someone could look in and see. “what about the windows—“

“they’re tinted, no one can see from the outside in, i promise.” he reassures, giving you another sweet kiss on the cheek before asking, “do you still want to do this? we can stop now.” he’s so lovely, his concern and change in demeanor only making you want it more, knowing that he wouldn’t want to push you to do something you were uncomfortable with. sweet was sexy on jungkook. you never thought there would be a day that jeon jungkook fingers you in a parking lot of a five star restaurant, but here you are. and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

so you shake your head, taking his hand, and placing it back in between your legs. “please.”

“anything for you.” he whispers in your ear before running his middle finger up your slit, collecting your wetness, and spreading it around your clit. he continues making tight circles on your clit, the sensation drives you crazy. you lean your head back against the window, moaning out. it was almost humiliating how reactive you were, you hadn’t indulged in this kind of intimacy in a while, almost a year to be specific.

it wasn’t helping that jungkook was a fucking pro. the right amount of pressure and the placement of his digits against you has you dripping onto his nice, dress pants. you hoped nobody else was in the parking garage, else they would hear your cries of jungkook’s name. “more, kookie, more— fuck.”

“more baby?” he questions, the sound of your moans going straight to his already hard dick. he thinks he could cum just to the sound of your voice. he’s one hundred percent fucked when it comes to you. he dips his middle finger into your hole, you gasp in reaction. “like that? hmm? ”

jungkook knew was he was doing, he had you spread wide in the backseat of his car, already on the verge on an orgasm. he had a few years of experience on his belt, a ‘retired fuck boy’ he was, but he’s never wanted to please somebody more than he does right now with you. you just looked so pretty like this, so eager and begging for more.

he adds his ring finger now, his thumb against your clit. “oh, god—“ you mutter, the feeling of his fingers and his thumb on your clit is too good. his fingers fucking you better than anyone else’s dick ever has. you found yourself bucking your hips against his fingers. “kookie, kiss me, please,” you look up to him with the eyes he can never fucking deny. so he kisses you, drinking up your moans as you fuck yourself up onto his fingers.

“i didn’t know you were such a dirty girl,” he murmurs against your lips. your walls clenching around him, “letting me touch you like this in the backseat of my car?” his usual sweet demeanor now contorting into this cocky guy with an ego. it makes you even wetter. the squelch of your pussy every time his fingers push in is loud, the sound is music to jungkook’s ears.

“only— only for you, jungkook,” you whimper. you feel a familiar knot in your stomach tighten. he looked so hot like this. eager to please. his bottom lip caught in his teeth and a strand of his long hair dangling in front of his eyes.

“good girl, all mine,” he kisses your neck. it may seem just like something you say during sex, but jungkook wanted it to be true. wanted you and only you. all to himself. he makes his way to a sweet spot, the feeling makes you tilt your head, giving him more access to kiss and suck along the sensitive skin. the discomfort of your back against the hard door was the last of your worries. your orgasm creeping closer and closer, juices leaking all overs his fingers. “so wet baby,” he growls, “i know i could just slide in, fuck you so good.”

“p-please, i want it.” the thought of jungkook fucking you senseless, oh, you’d go crazy. begging wasn’t something you did when it came to sex, most of the time it was quiet, moans and breaths were the only things that you’d hear, no dirty words or praises. it was a good change, you never thought that you’d be so into being talked through it.

he smiles at your eagerness, “patience baby, gotta take you on another date, yeah?” kissing your pursed lips. always so sweet and lovely.

you feel his fingers push a little deeper, curling to find that sweet spot inside of you. your reaction does something to him, makes him hit the exact same spot, over and over again, in a slow, torturous beat just so he can draw those delicious gasps and moans out of you. jungkook feels close. he’s never felt like this before, so wound up. he ignores it, pushing it to the back of his head to focus on helping you reach your climax.

lucky for jungkook, he didn’t have to wait very long. his fingers were longer and a thicker than yours, his efforts making you get there faster than you ever could. the consistent deep strokes of his fingers make the warning signals go off in your head. you speak a verbal warning before, “fuck, i’m gonna cum,” your voice pitches a little higher than usual.

“gonna cum all over my fingers, baby?” he gives you one last sloppy kiss before you’re moaning out and coming onto his fingers, eyes screwed shut as your walls convulse rapidly as his fingers fuck you through your orgasm. “fuck, you’re so hot, ___.”

you feel a smile break on your face. “you’re not so bad yourself,” you wink, still trying to catch your breath. a laugh slips from his mouth, small smirk on his mouth to match. he slips his fingers out, your body twitching at the over stimulation.

“i’m sorry, baby,” he apologizes. inspecting his fingers, your pale almost-white cum coating the digits. he brings them to his mouth, sucking on your sweet sap. you’ve never seen anything hotter in your life. “sweet, just like you,” he smirks. you shrink in his stare, hiding your blush. like you totally didn’t just cum on his fingers.

you’re distracted by the feeling of something hard resting under your thigh, it’s then that you realize, “what about—“ you start but jungkook cuts you off quick.

“no, no, it’s okay, it’ll go away soon.” he shakes his head, but you furrow your eyebrows.

you pull on his black tie, making him lean forward and make eye contact with you “can i?” you ask, so sweetly.

he stares at you with the most sexed eyes you’ve ever witnessed. “you’re driving me crazy.”

“you’re always so sweet to me, jungkook,” you kiss his cheek. readjusting yourself in his lap, straddling him once more. “took me on this amazing dinner, always treating me like a princess.” your lips travel down from his cheeks to his jawline, then to his neck. he shudders at the feeling of your lips against his sensitive skin. your hands move from around his neck to travel further down, to the latch of his belt. his breath hitches. “let me return the favor, kookie.”

“i—“ he laughs, the embarrassment evident in the pink tint on his face. “i won’t last very long.”

you didn’t mind, just assuring him with a sweet kiss on the cheek before you start removing his belt. jungkook leans his head back on the headrest, his neck exposed for you to kiss and suck. you unbutton and unzip, pulling his pants and his boxers down at the same time. his size makes your eyes bulge. he was huge. your mouth waters at the sight.

“you’re so big, kook.” you egg him on, fueling his ego because he just looked so hot. your hand moves to hold him at the base, he lets out a shaky breath when your soft skin meets his. jungkook’s head is in the clouds, he could cum right now if he let go, but he’s holds himself back, not wanting to look like a fool in front of you. your hand moves up his dick, your thumb collecting the precum dripping from his hole, your thumb running over his slit as he groans.

his hips buck up, “shit, baby.” he just sounds so good. you could just lick him up. you collect some saliva in your mouth, letting it drip from your mouth onto his dick to lube your hand. he groans at the sight, “you’re so filthy, baby, holy shit.”

you smirk at the admission, the spit making it so easy for your hand to glide against his cock. the feeling makes him throw his head back again. his chest rising and falling. the picture of him with his eyes screwed shut in pleasure and his mouth agape makes your lower belly light up once more, you clench around nothing. leaning in as you pump his cock to whisper in his ear, “wanna fuck me so bad? have me crying on your cock? you want that, don’t you, kookie?”

jungkook twitches at your words. that’s exactly what he wants. was he that easy to read? was that what you wanted too? the thought of it makes him want to explode, “oh— god, ffuck— fuck,” he sputters. his hand coming up to hover above his head, your hand still pumping as the spurts of his cum shoot out. you smile at the action, knowing he didn’t wanna fuck up your dress. instead just making a mess of him and his hand. he takes deep breaths before speaking, “there’s a little box of tissues in the center console, could you hand it to me, baby?”

you lean back, opening the console and reaching for the small box that sits in the center. before you give it to him, your eyes flicker to the sticky mess all over jungkook’s hand and groin. a sudden urge to lick takes you over, holding jungkook’s hand and bringing it up to your mouth. you lick the dripping cum from the palm of his hand as he watches, maintaining eye contact the entire time.

jungkook shivers, a smile creeping on his face, “you— you’re evil.” the remark makes you laugh.

“sorry, just wanted to help clean up.” you smile, swallowing the cum you collected on your tongue.

“yeah, yeah, you’re not the sweet girl i thought you were,” jungkook quirks a brow.

you roll your eyes playfully, “you don’t like it?”

“nope, i love it, you’re perfect.” jungkook wipes off the remaining mess from his lap and his hand. you help him clean up tissues and he picks up your panties that were discarded on the floor. the two of you fix yourselves before stepping out of the back seat, jungkook opens the passenger door for you before he goes to a trashcan and throws away the soiled tissues.

he joins you back in the car, starting the car and pulling out of the parking lot. you were rambling about how happy you were that no one was around and how there were no security cameras in the parking garage. jungkook blabbers too, telling you about how embarrassed he is that he barely lasted a few minutes. before the two of you knew it, his car parked in front of your apartment complex.

he stands outside of your front door, leaning against the doorframe. all dreamy and not like he just made you cum in the backseat of his car. “text me before you sleep?” he smiles.

you nod, “of course,” reflecting the same smile. you wave before closing your door. the date being more than you ever expected. there was no way jungkook was real. he had to be a figment of your imagination, he was the absolute dream guy.

you lay in bed, staring at the stars on your ceiling. a blush creeping up to your cheeks once more when you think about the events that took place tonight.

[11:02 pm] you: thank you for tonight, jungkook

[11:02 pm] you: it was magical <3

[11:03 pm] jungkook: no problem cutie, i had an amazing time with you

[11:04 pm] jungkook: feeling okay?

[11:06 pm] you: i’m great!!! more than okay

[11:07 pm] jungkook: 😂

[11:07 pm] jungkook: i’m glad cutie

[11:08 pm] you: lunch on me next time? now that you’ve taken me for dinner :)

[11:08 pm] jungkook: sure, i’m down :)

[11:09 pm] you: i’m rlly tired kookie

[11:10 pm] you: gonna head to sleep now

[11:10 pm] jungkook: alright cutie

[11:11 pm] jungkook: sweet dreams!

｡ﾟ(ﾟ^Ｏ^ﾟ)ﾟ｡ tag list: @giadalin @ggukkieland

2K notes · View notes

watchmegetobsessed · 3 years

Text

Hey Angel - Harry Styles

a/n: since i had so much time on my hand at work lately (not anymore unfortunately) i used it wisely and cooked up this PA themed fic bc i absolutely love this trope. it’s lengthy and kinda emotional? kinda, lol. hope you’ll like it and as always, feedback is much appreciated!!

warning: sexual content

word count: 11.5k

masterlist

Harry likes to pretend he is tall enough to comfortably rest his chin on the top of your head when he stands behind you, but that’s not true. He has to push himself a little to his tippy toes and push you down at the same time to fit his chin above you, his arms weighing down on your shoulders. You stopped arguing him that you need to push your hips forward when he does this so you don’t carry his whole weight.

“Tha’s rude, you do not have to do tha’!” he defended himself every time you brought up, so you just stopped.

Now as you watch the game of air hockey unfold in front of you, a half empty pint in your hand, you don’t even budge when you feel a chiseled chin resting on the top of your head, you push your hips forward without a second thought to shorten your height. You catch a glimpse of a tattooed forearm on your shoulder, Harry’s chest presses against your back gently.

He doesn’t stay in this position too long, it’s making it hard to drink so soon enough, he wraps his left arm around your shoulders, coming to stand next to you, sipping on his tequila on the rocks.

“Hey you,” you smile at him as he gives you a side look, a boyish smirk tugging on his pink lips. “Everything alright?”

“Everything is fine.”

“You need something? How much have you had to drink?” you ask furrowing your eyebrows, looking down at his glass that was certainly full when you last saw him about ten minutes ago.

“Shush, stop pretending like you’re working,” he waves at your face, his words melting together, definitely thanks to the alcohol he has consumed tonight.

“I know I’m not working, I’m just tryna’ be your friend and look out for you.” Bringing your own drink up to your lips, you give him a look, but he just smirks at you playfully.

“Uh-huh, whatever. Don’t worry about me.”

“I always worry about you, H,” you sigh dramatically and it makes him laugh with his head falling back.

“Is this the part where you tell me I’m some spoiled brat celebrity you ‘ave to babysit for your living? And that I always do ridiculous shit so you ‘ave to keep an eye on me at all times?”

You can’t push your smile down at how far this statement is from reality. You just like to tease him about being a typical, asshole rockstar when he is literally your favorite person in the world without a doubt.

“Oh Angel, you can’t fool me,” he cackles, squeezing you to his side before taking another sip from his drink.

“Wouldn’t even try to,” you mumble with an amused smile. “Havin’ fun, birthday boy?” you ask, leaning into his side. You would never admit, but you love how touchy Harry can get sometimes, not really caring about physical boundaries, especially when he drinks. The hugs, the squeezes, the touches, they always make your heart flutter even after knowing him for years.

“I’m havin’ a blast. What about you?”

“What about me? It’s not my birthday,” you chuckle shortly.

“So what? I can’t make sure you’re enjoying your night?” he frowns at you dramatically that just makes you laugh.

“I’m having a great night. It’s just that my boss keeps coming after me even though I’m supposed to be off the clock.”

You peek up at him to see the grin on his face at your teasing. The dynamic between the two of you has been like this since day one. The constant bickering and teasing is what really brought the two of you close, you are so similar, it’s like you can see a male version of yourself when you look at him.

“Tell the dude to fuck off,” he mumbles into his drink and you bump your hip against him, but he just holds you tight to his side as an answer.

Soon enough, Harry joins the game and you watch him play from the side, obviously cheering on his opponent to annoy him, earning some pretty dirty looks from him whenever they score against him and you let out a “woho!” in victory.

“Y’know, it’s not too nice to cheer against the birthday boy, is it?” he calls you out when the table is taken by someone else and he joins you at the side again.

“Am I not allowed to choose who I want to cheer to?” you ask with a faked puzzled look and he presses his lips into a thin line, glaring down at you intently.

“Don’t test me, Angel,” he grumbles into your ear before walking off to join his friends who came out to celebrate with him today.

It’s a pretty lowkey celebration, since he is still in the middle of filming Don’t Worry Darling, so he couldn’t really travel far from the set, but some of his dearest friends were able to come here and celebrate with him and his cast members.

You stand at the bar and your eyes find him every time you scan the place, not able to keep your gaze away from him for too long, he just demands the attention. Or at least yours.

You’ve never met anyone like him. When you got the chance to be his personal assistant four years ago at the very beginning of his solo career, you never thought how he’ll move right into your heart and never leave it. Whether you look at him as your boss or your friend, you can’t deny that he changed your life and you’ve learned so much from him, you can only hope he thinks of you somewhat the same. However you always tell yourself: what could you possibly give for The Harry Styles? He has everything in the whole wide world.

Harry catches you staring and he arches a brow at you, abandoning the conversation he has been in for the past minutes, mouthing you “what’s up, Angel”, his accent thick even without hearing his voice.

He’s been calling you Angel for longer than you can remember. When you asked him why the nickname, he said it’s because One Direction’s song Hey Angel was written about you. It was a fat lie, you haven’t met him when the song was written, but his words still tightened your chest, playing with the thought of Harry writing a song about you.

As cheesy and cliché as it is, you fell for him faster than you’d like to admit. You tried to fight it for a while, convince yourself it’s just a silly crush, but you soon had to realize you outgrew that after the first few weeks working with him. How could you not fall for him? He is everything any woman could wish for and he has you wrapped around his fingers, just like he has half the female population, probably.

You shake your head in his way, not sure how to tell him you just got lost in your thoughts about him. In fact, he occupies your mind pretty much all the time, but he doesn’t have to know about that.

He excuses himself from the table and walks up to you, a slow breath leaving your nose as you watch him approach you.

“Tired?” he asks, stopping in front of you, placing his empty glass to the counter.

“Kinda,” you nod.

“Want to head home soon?”

“Don’t worry about me. I can just call a taxi and go home, you don’t have to come.”

“Don’t be silly, we go to the same place, obviously we’re gonna go home together.”

Since filming has started, Harry and you’ve been sharing a nice apartment near the set. It was his idea to rent a place for the two of you, rather than to stay at a hotel. At first you didn’t think it would be a good idea, but of course, he convinced you to live with him for the months while the movie is being filmed. So now you basically live with Harry, share pretty much all your living space with him, except your bedroom.

“But it’s your birthday, stay as long as you want,” you tell him, not wanting to snatch him away from his friends on his big day.

“We’re filming in the afternoon tomorrow, can’t drag the night too long either way,” he shrugs, trying to make you believe it’s really nothing.

No matter how badly you try to convince him to stay, he doesn’t bulge and starts saying goodbye within an hour, calling the two of you a car to take you home. He is clearly tipsy, but not drunk. Once you’re in the car, Harry’s hand finds yours and he pulls you closer in the backseat until your thighs are pressed together. He curls an arm around your shoulders, holding you tight to his side, sinking down in the seat. You let your head rest on his shoulder, enjoying the closeness of his body, pressing down any worrying thought that usually makes its way to your mind every time Harry gets a little cozier than the usual.

The rational side of your brain knows you should be keeping some distance from him for the sake of your own sanity and emotional health, but you just can’t. Denying these little moments from yourself would be like pure torture and your heart can’t take that for sure.

“What are you thinkin’ about?” he murmurs, his nose nuzzling into your hair and you just shrug your shoulders.

“Nothing,” you mumble your lie.

“Liar, I can hear the gears turning in that pretty head of yours,” he grins down at you as your eyes lock for a moment. Thank God for the darkness in the car, because you can feel your cheeks heating up. The last thing you need is for Harry to see how nervous he can make you feel with just a simple compliment.

“Stop being nosy, you don’t have to know everything all the time.” You poke his side with your elbow, it makes him jump a little before he snuggles back to your side.

“That’s not true, you know I’m entitled to hold every knowledge in the world.” He tries to hide his smirk, but he fails miserably and you just laugh at him with your head falling back to his shoulder.

“Harry Styles, you are something else,” you sigh shaking your head at him.

Arriving home Harry keeps an arm around you as you walk up to the front door, fishing your keys out of your bag since you’d bet Harry didn’t bring his. There’s a chance he hasn’t even used his copy since you’ve been here, he knows you always have yours and you haven’t really left without each other so far, always staying around the other.

“Want to shower first?” he hums, walking inside, his arm leaving your shoulders and though you feel lighter without the extra weight, you wish it was still there.

“Go for it, I’m gonna clean up the mess I made when I got ready earlier,” you tell him, heading into your bedroom where the floor is littered with half your wardrobe from earlier, when you were trying to figure out what to wear for the little outing.

Harry disappears in the shared bathroom and a moment later you hear the water running. You go around your room, picking up the dresses you voted against, placing them back into the wardrobe and then you put away your makeup you left on your bed in your hurry.

“Bathroom is yours!” Harry calls out just when you finish, you hear his bedroom door open and close so you grab a clean oversized t-shirt and a pair of cotton shorts before occupying the bathroom.

The warm shower feels nice, it’s been a long day since you started on set, Harry had a few scenes to film before you could leave in the afternoon. You wash away the day, scrub your makeup off and then take off the rest with your wipes once you’re out. You brush your hair and use some lotion for your dry skin before getting dressed and leaving the steamy bathroom.

Padding down the short hallway you hear nothing coming from Harry’s bedroom and you wonder if he’s already asleep, but once you step inside your room you see that he is cozied up on your bed, your covers pulled up to his naked chest, a pillow tucked under his head as he scrolls through his phone so shamelessly, as if it was his own room.

“Did you take the wrong turn in the hallway?” you ask with an arched eyebrow as you throw your dirty clothes to your temporary hamper, which is basically your emptied out suitcase.

“Nope,” he grins smugly, you have to roll your eyes at him. He locks his phone, dropping it to the side table, watching you move around, getting ready for bed and his eyes on your figure feel like they’re burning down on your skin.

“You know, it’s rude to stare,” you comment not even looking at him, but you just know he is still staring at you. Grabbing a hairtie from the little dresses in the corner of your room you reach back to loosely braid your hair, but his voice stops you.

“Wait,” he pleads and you furrow your eyebrows at him. “Can I do it?”

You give him a confused look as he pushes himself up into a sitting position, his green eyes are glimmering from the tiredness and the alcohol he has consumed tonight.

“You want to braid my hair?”

“Yeah,” he nods. You hesitate for a moment but join him on the bed at last, turning your back against him, giving him full control over your hair.

A shiver runs down your spine when you feel his fingers raking through your strands. He is so gentle and careful as you feel him section your hair off to three parts.

“Didn’t know you can braid,” you tell him, eyes fixated on the sheets in front of you.

“Gemma taught me, but I’m not the best at it.”

“So I’ll look atrocious?” you tease him smiling to yourself. He pokes the back of your neck with his fingers before continuing his work.

“You could never look atrocious, even if you tried.”

“And you are such a flirt,” you sigh. Over the years you’ve gotten used to his flirty act, it’s just who he is and though in the beginning your breath always got caught in your throat when he said something cheesy, now you just brush it off, only thinking about his words when you are alone in the night, struggling to fall asleep because you’re once again, thinking about him.

“M’telling the truth. Have I told you how beautiful you looked tonight?”

“Mmm,” you hum. He has told you that you looked pretty when the two of you left and he saw you walk out of your room in your black skinny jeans and flowy sheer top on, your hair loosely curled, but you didn’t really know what to say, so you just smiled at him and it’s the same now. You’re not the best at taking compliments.

“You really did. You always are.”

“And once again, you are such a flirt.”

“Complimenting a pretty woman is being a flirt?” he asks pretending to be offended as he carefully works on your hair and you wish you could see his focused face as he is trying to keep track of the sections between his fingers. At a lack of a witty comeback, you just shrug your shoulders, fumbling with your fingers on your lap.

You both fall silent as he concentrates on your hair and you manage to stop thinking, just focus on how his fingers keep brushing against your back every time he crosses two sections over each other.

“Hairtie, please,” he asks, his hand appearing next to you with his palm upwards. You place it in his hand and he finishes up his masterpiece. “There, it didn’t turn out as bad as I thought,” he comments once he is done. Reaching back you run your fingers over the braid and it feels good, he did a great job.

“Thanks,” you smile at him shyly, turning around. He leans back, making himself comfortable once again and you arch an eyebrow at him. “Need me to walk you back to your room, sir?”

“No, I’m perfectly fine here,” he grins smugly, tugging his arm behind his head as he takes up the right side of the bed.

“You’re planning to sleep here?”

“Please, don’t make me sleep alone on my birthday!” he pouts, giving you those damned puppy eyes. How could you ever say no to him?

“You better not push me off the bed in your sleep,” you mumble before getting under the covers.

You turn off the bedside lamp and the two of you start moving around, finding a comfortable pose to sleep in and you end up facing each other on your sides, Harry’s face squished into the pillow as his eyes are roaming over the hand you have laid between your faces.

His fingers start to inch towards yours until he hooks his pinky with yours, the touch sending a warm feeling down your spine.

“I hate sleeping alone,” he mumbles into the semi-darkness.

“Why?”

“Don’t you like it when there’s someone next to you? When you wake up and you’re not alone?”

“I like it, but I don’t hate sleeping alone either,” you tell him as your eyes fall to your linked pinky fingers. “Why do you hate it? You have the bed all to yourself, and there’s no chance of waking up to someone snoring or talking in their sleep.”

He huffs out a laugh as he buries his head deeper into the pillow.

“It makes me feel lonely. Which is ridiculous, because I’m never alone.”

“But lonely and alone are not the same, so it’s not ridiculous. You can feel lonely when you’re not alone.”

“I know,” he nods, his eyes watching your linked fingers intently, before he moves his hand so it’s now covering yours, his warm palm wrapping around your much smaller hand. “I’m never lonely with you, though.”

“So… you are only lonely when you’re sleeping or in the bathroom, because we basically spend every moment of the day together.” You smirk at him and see his dimple form in his cheek as he smiles at you nodding.

“That’s right. We are like glued together.”

“How aren’t we sick of each other already?”

“That’s never gonna happen.”

“You sure about that?” You raise your eyebrows at him with an amused smile, he is too sure about that answer.

“One hundred percent. You’re my favorite person.”

“Is that what you tell everyone?”

He gives you a look, but you just chuckle, sinking further into your pillow. His fingers start playing with your hand as he draws a deep breath.

“I only tell this to m’ mum and Gemma. No one else.”

Your heart starts racing at the thought of him seeing you on the same level as his closest family. You know how much his mum and sister mean to him, but you never thought you are anywhere near them in his eyes.

“You’re my favorite person too,” you whisper as your eyes meet over your joined hands. He smiles at you warmly, his floppy curls falling into his forehead and you want to run your fingers through them, feel how soft they are under your touch. Harry scoots closer, your faces only a few inches away from each other as he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

For a moment you just watch him, thinking how good it feels to have him in your bed. How amazing it is to end the day with him so close to you. You wish all days would end like this, you wouldn’t have another bad day with him next to you.

Lying there and watching him slowly fall asleep, his hand still on yours, the bitter thought eats itself into your mind that he is only here because he feels lonely and wanted to be close to someone, not you particularly. And though you’re glad it’s you he ended up next to, you try not to get too accustomed to the feeling, because you’re just a temporary fix to his loneliness.

The door to Harry’s trailer opens and he walks in wearing his blue dress pants and crispy white dress shirt, fumbling with the top buttons to undo them. You glance up at him from your laptop where you’ve been working on his schedule for the upcoming weeks while he was filming.

“Hey, how did it go?” you ask as he places his water bottle to the vanity and then sits in the chair he spends his mornings in while his hair is being styled and tattoos are covered.

“Good. Messed up only a few times. Whacha’ working on?”

“Just your schedule, I’ll email it to you when I’m done, though you never check it.”

“Hey, I do check it! I like your color coding. I just suck at using it and you’re always here to remind me of the important stuff.”

You roll your eyes, continuing to type away on your keyboard as he moves around, having a snack and texting back people.

“Florence is coming over for a little after we’re done. We can order something,” he speaks up grabbing your attention again.

“Cool,” you nod with a small smile. “Is she staying the night?”

“No, we just thought it would be nice to hang out a little without dressed like this,” he chuckles looking down at himself.

“What’s wrong with Jack’s clothes? You look neat.”

“Do I?” he cocks an eyebrow cheekily, placing his hands to his hips as he looks down at you.

“Yeah. It’s a nice change after all the grandpa clothes,” you tease him and he gasps pretending to be offended at your words, though you both know you have nothing against his style. In fact, you love how he just wears whatever he wants, not caring what others would think.

“Watch your mouth or you can’t wear my bode jacket again,” he warns you holding up his pointing finger, shaking it at you, but you just chuckle at him, finishing up what you’ve been working on before shutting the laptop down.

“How long until you’re done?”

“Just a few more scenes. I think we can leave in about two hours.”

“Alright.”

“You done working?”

“Mhm, for now.”

“Come and watch the filming. You’re always so hidden in here.”

“Because I always have work to do,” you point out, putting the laptop to the side from your lap.

“Yeah, but you’re done now, so come out and watch me be the next Leonardo DiCaprio,” he smugly tells you, and it makes you roll your eyes at him.

“You’re so humble, H. Is something that comes with the age?” you tease him standing up from the small sofa, grabbing your phone from the table.

“You’ll find out in a year,” he smirks back as you follow him out of the trailer, back to the set.

Later that day you, Florence and Harry are chilling back at your apartment, munching on the pizza you ordered, watching some documentary on Netflix, just enjoying a lazy evening. You’ve become quite close with Florence, her personality is a lot like yours so you got along well from the beginning, the three of you often do things together outside of set.

You and Harry are sharing the couch while Florence is curled up on the loveseat. The temperature at the apartment is always nice, but you often catch yourself feeling a little cold in the evening, but it has more to do with the tiredness rather than with the heating of the place. When you pull your legs underneath you to warm your feet, Harry notices the action and knows right away that you’re starting to feel cold as always. Reaching down he grabs a blanket from the basket next to the couch and he wraps an arm around you, pulling you closer to him.

“Come ‘ere,” he mumbles, draping the blanket over the two of you. You shuffle closer to him, making yourself comfortable at his side as he makes sure you’re fully tugged in. Then he leaves an arm around you, his fingers gently grazing your shoulder as he turns his attention back at the movie.

Glancing over at Florence you see the puzzled look on her, but you ignore it biting into your bottom lip, turning back to watch the movie though you’re having a hard time focusing. All you can think about is Harry’s touch on you.

It’s almost midnight when Florence calls herself a taxi. Harry picks up the glasses you used and volunteers to wash them, leaving you and Florence alone in the living room.

“So, what’s up with you and Harry?” she questions right away without beating around the bush.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that you two has always been close, but now… it seems all too… couple-like.” She narrows her eyes at you, hands on her hips, looking like a mother questioning her daughter.

“Don’t be silly.”

“I’m not,” she scoffs. Then you pretend to be busy with folding the blanket, but you can feel her intent stare on you before she speaks up again. “You like him, don’t you?”

“What?” you huff with a not too Oscar-worthy expression on your face that was supposed to hide the panic in you. “Well of course I like him, he is my friend and boss.”

“But not just like that. You like like him.”

“Florence,” you sigh, just when Harry walks out of the kitchen, oblivious to the conversation that he just interrupted.

“You sure you don’t want to spend the night?” he politely asks her, but she just shakes her head.

“I’m not really up for spending the night on the couch.”

“You wouldn’t have to, you can sleep in my bed,” he simply offers and something is telling you he shouldn’t open his mouth again.

“You’re not taking the couch because of me.”

“I wouldn’t, I usually sleep at Y/N’s,” he states as if it was nothing, but you instantly freeze.

Yes, ever since his birthday he has spent way more nights in your bed than in his own, always raving to you how well he can sleep when you’re next to him and you couldn’t bear the thought of him feeling lonely, so you’ve been letting him occupy half of your bed through the nights. He usually holds your hand falling asleep and then you wake up tangled together, sometimes he is cuddling you from behind, other times you’re the one curled up to his side. He treats it so casually, like it really is nothing, he just always goes on his day when you wake up so you decided to not make it into a big deal either.

Florence gives you a wide eyed look that you try hard to ignore, while Harry is so oblivious to what he just caused with his statement.

“I uhh—thanks but I’m fine going home. Besides, I think my car is already here. See you guys on set tomorrow. Y/N?” she calls out walking towards the front door.

“Hm?”

“We’ll talk later,” she tells you and it’s a strong message that she won’t just leave it at that.

“Uh, yeah, sure,” you nod awkwardly, waving her goodbye.

You and Harry clean up together and as always, he is the first one to use the bathroom and by the time you’re done, he is in your bed, waiting for you to join him. You don’t comment on his presence anymore, part of you afraid he would stop spending the night in your bed and you definitely don’t want that. Not much is left from filming, meaning that soon you are forced to go home where you and Harry do not live at the same place so you’re gonna have to sleep alone, like you did before. Only now you are way too hooked on the feeling of having him in your bed, even if it’s not in the way you truly want, it’s better than nothing.

The moment you get under the sheets, Harry reaches out and pulls you to his side. He hasn’t done this often when you went to sleep, only sneaking some small touches, but you don’t mind him being a little extra clingy.

“Filming is almost over,” you mumble into his chest, your hand lazily resting where his ribcage ends in his chest.

“Mhm.” There’s a short silence before he speaks up again. “What about it, Angel?”

“It’s just that it’s going to be weird going home. I got used to living here.” It’s your way saying that you’re gonna miss having him around all the time, but you’re not sure if he understands the hint. It doesn’t really matter anyway.

“You like cramped together with me?” he chuckles lowly.

“Was kinda nice,” you smile.

“Remember how you threatened me to throw my shit out if I leave my dirty clothes on the floor?”

“I do,” you smirk, thinking back to the conversation where you agreed to live with him while he is filming. “Didn’t find any clothes on the floor, so you get an A for that.”

“Wow, was this… a compliment?”

“Shut up, I always compliment you!” you laugh smacking his chest gently.

“Oh, no. You don’t compliment, you just tell me when I managed not to fuck something up,” he corrects you and your cheeks are heating up about how well he knows you.

“Those are compliments in my book, don’t be greedy.”

“M’not. I love how grounded you keep me with treating me like this.”

“Like what?” you ask furrowing your eyebrows.

“Like a normal person. With you, I don’t have to be afraid that I earn something because of who I am. You give no shit about my name, you always keep me in check and I appreciate that.”

“Can’t let you have a too big of a head,” you smirk, closing your eyes. He laughs with you, squeezing you a little before you both fall into silence, drifting off to sleep in each other’s arms.

You’ve managed to avoid Florence in the past few days. Her burning look has been making you way too nervous, you know she wants to know more about what’s going on between you and Harry, but truth to be told, you have no idea what to tell her.

Yeah, I’m definitely in love with him and we’ve been sharing a bed for a few weeks because he feels lonely alone at night, so he uses me to ease the feeling while I just let him because as I said, I’m in love with the man.

No, you can’t tell her that.

Now there’s only two days left from filming, meaning that only two more nights to spend with Harry and it’s making you a nervous wreck to think about sleeping alone in your bedroom.

You round the corner in the maze of the trailers after a phone call you had with Jeff when you run out of luck and bump right into Florence.

“I’ve been looking for you, Y/N. Come have lunch with me in my trailer,” she smiles sweetly, grabbing you by your hand so you can’t escape her this time.

“Oh I wanted to call—“

“Do it later,” she simply cuts you off.

Soon, you find yourself in her trailer as she eats her burger while she eyes you with suspicion.

“So, you and Harry sleep together?”

“Well, not like that. We really just sleep in the same bed.”

“Oh, makes perfect sense, sleeping in the same bed as your boss. Very casual.”

“Don’t make it sound so weird,” you frown at her words. You definitely don’t see Harry as your boss. You do work for him, but it never felt like he stands anywhere above you, the two of you have always been equal even before you became close friends.

“You gotta admit it’s pretty unusual,” she points out and you just look away from her. “So let’s talk about how you’re in love with him.”

“What? I never said that!” you protest, but she just gives you a look that says ‘cut the crap, girl’ and you know there’s no use to try to trick her, she sees right through you. “Don’t fucking look at me like that, I have enough shit on my plate without your judgment.”

“Oh, I’m not judging you. I’m just wondering why you two are not together already.”

You practically snort at her statement, finding it quite absurd and ridiculous.

“What? You two are perfect for each other and I’m pretty sure Harry loves you too.”

“Yeah, as a friend.”

“That’s not how friends act, Y/N. He wouldn’t beg himself into your bed every night if he was just your friend.”

“He is just lonely. He doesn’t need me, just someone to be with him.”

“That’s bullshit,” she scoffs. “You two are just being idiots.” Just as you are about to answer, your phone starts ringing. Harry’s smiley face appears on the screen, making you extremely nervous because of the conversation you are having with Florence.

“Hey,” you breathe out answering the call.

“Hey, where are you?”

“Just, talking with Florence. What’s up?”

“I got an email from Jeff and I have some questions.”

“I’ll be there in a sec.”

“Thank you Angel,” he hums before ending the call.

“I gotta go. Please don’t… bring any of this up for Harry,” you ask Florence, heading to the exit.

“You’ve gotta sort your shit out. This is not ideal, Y/N.”

“I know it,” you growl under your breath, leaving the trailer. You chew on your bottom lip nervously as you march back to Harry’s trailer. You feel so confused and anxious about this whole situation and the worst thing is that you have no idea what to do about it. Telling him how you feel seems like a stupid idea, but mostly because you’re terrified of rejection. What if it all meant nothing to him? If you were right and he is just lonely and uses you to help himself, it has nothing to do with you. You wouldn’t survive the heartbreak it would give you if he told you he doesn’t see you more than just a friend.

As you walk into his trailer he is sitting on the sofa with his phone in his hands. He glances up at you, a warm smile tugging on his lips as you take a deep breath, feeling very much out of place suddenly. Unfortunately, he immediately senses your discomfort.

“Everything alright, Angel?”

Angel. This nickname could make your knees go weak in a heartbeat and you hate how much effect it has on you. Especially in this state of mind you’re currently in.

“I just…” You shake your head shutting your eyes. “Why do you keep calling me that?” you ask, sounding way more desperate than you intended to. Harry puts his phone aside, looking a little puzzled at your sudden weird act, but he seems more worried for you.

“I, uhh—“

“And don’t tell me it’s because Hey Angel is about me. We didn’t know each other back then.”

You have no idea where this is coming from or why you even questioned him about it all of a sudden, but Florence just totally threw you off with what she just said. Harry stares back at you, probably vigorously looking for the reason why you are acting up now, but luckily, he doesn’t try to turn it into a joke as always.

“I call you Angel, because you remind me of the song. It wasn’t written about you, but the lyrics match up with… you.”

“What?” you ask in confusion.

“I wish I could be more like you, do you wish you could be more like me?” he quotes the song, not singing the words, simply just talking them as he stares back at you. “I see you at the bar, at the edge of my bed, backseat of my car, in the back of my head,” he continues and you feel your throat doing dry just from the way he softly speaks, standing only a few feet away from you. “I come alive when I hear your voice, it’s a beautiful sound, it’s a beautiful noise.”

You never really gave it another thought, but now that he has told you this, it hit you hard in the chest. You weren’t expecting, especially because those lines are rather meaningful, to you at least.

“I thought of it once not long after we first met and thought calling you Angel would suit you. Do you mind it? I can just… stop calling you that if you don’t like it.”

You shake your head. You never want him to stop calling you that even if it’s not that meaningful for him. If it’s just some game. It’s great to know that something reminded him of you.

“No, it’s… it’s alright.” Your voice is small, barely more than just a whisper. It’s a little too much at once. Florence’s words are still stuck in your head, and what he just said has felt like he just gripped your heart even if he doesn’t know.

You take a shaky breath, forcing yourself to come back from this hazy state of mind.

“So, what about that email?”

“You alright?” Reaching forward he takes your hand and you try not to flinch at his touch, just smile at him nodding.

“Yeah. I’m fine.” He squeezes your hand before dropping it and he luckily doesn’t ask any more questions.

You stay oddly quiet for the rest of the day and Harry surely knows something is wrong, but he respects you enough not to bug you about it any longer. He just stays close to you as much as he can, trying his best to take your mind off of whatever keeps you occupied.

On the way home you and Harry drop by a supermarket, buy some quick dinner, not wanting to stack the fridge when you’re leaving so soon. Then you sit in the living room, eating and watching some random movie that’s on TV. You snuggle to his side on the couch naturally, he doesn’t even have to pull you close this time. The thought of having left only one more night in the apartment makes you want to sue every little moment you have left in this bubble.

Harry makes you have a shower first tonight and when you come out from the bathroom, your bed is already nicely made, inviting you warmly. He is quick to finish with his shower and joins you in bed barely five minutes later. You move towards each other instantly, his arms curling around your form soothingly as you make yourself comfortable, melted into his embrace. You feel his lips pressing against your forehead and you almost start crying at the small action.

“Angel, I don’t know what has upset you, but I’m here for you, alright? You’re not alone,” he murmurs softly.

“I know,” you whisper. “Thank you.”

“No need to thank me. I would do anything for you, just like you do so much for me. You’ve got me.”

I wish, you think to yourself. You have him, but not the way you’ve been desiring. His hand moves to cup your face as he lifts your head so you are looking into his eyes in the darkened room, but there’s enough light coming through the window that you see his features. He runs his thumb across your cheek, gently caressing your skin and everywhere he touches you, it feels like your body is in flames. This something has been building up inside you and now you’re not sure how long you’ll be able to control yourself. And just as you think about how you really should put some distance between the two of you so you won’t regret it later, the unexpected happens.

Harry pulls you up just enough so when he moves his head he is able to place his lips on yours, kissing you out of the blue. His lips feel so soft, so fitting on your mouth, you let out a whimper when he goes further than just a gentle kiss, taking your bottom lip between his properly. It’s an out of world experience, you’ve imagined it so many times, but you never thought it would actually happen and now that it is very much happening, your whole mind goes blank and for a split second… everything feels right. You kiss him back with fever and with each passing moment the kiss grows more passionate and way hungrier than how it started. Harry’s arm tightens around you, almost pulling you on top of him and you can’t make yourself stop, not that you want to.

With a little force, Harry pushes the two of you around so now you’re lying on the mattress and he holds himself up above you, his lips never disconnecting from yours. He licks into your mouth, pulling and tugging on your lips, making your whole body go weak just for him.

But then, as if reality hit you in the head, you realize what’s happening.

“Harry,” you gasp pulling back, gasping for air. “This—We…”

“Angel, let me take care of you. Please,” he begs out of breath.

“What…”

“I want to make you feel good. I want to take care of you, please let me.” He sounds so desperate, like he would do anything for this and you are not strong enough to deny it from him.

It’s just his pity. He’s been using you for his needs, now he wants to give some back, it’s nothing more, you think to yourself. It can’t be more.

You lack the willpower to make a rational decision, so as you stare up into his eyes that appear so dark due to the lack of proper lighting, you just nod before he leans down and kisses you again.

He holds himself up on one arm while his free hand wanders down your body, touching you at places you have never felt him before. He palms your left breast, squeezing it gently and it makes you moan into his mouth before his hand moves down the curve of your waist until it reaches your sleeping shorts. Your body is burning for him and you can’t stop it from reacting to everything he does. You buckle your hips up when you feel his fingers gently graze along your pubic bone, even though you’re still fully clothed.

“What do you want me to do, Angel? I’ll do anything you want me to,” he pants between kisses as his hand moves to cup your heated core, making you moan again from the sensation of his touch there.

“I need you,” is all you manage to get out.

“I’m right here. You got me. What do you want me to do? Please, tell me, Angel,” he whines, forehead pressed against yours and his hips fall, pressing against your thigh, making you realize how excited he has gotten. His erection is hard under the fabric of his boxers, almost aching to be freed. There’s no way you can take any teasing or a long foreplay. You need him inside you now before you burst.

“Harry, I need you inside me. Please,” you whimper, almost cry, before he kisses you again, hard and demanding as he simply pushes your shorts down, revealing your naked sex since you don’t wear any underwear to bed. You grab the waistband of his boxers too and push it down until he can wiggle his legs out of them, leaving him completely naked in your bed while you still have a top covering your upper body, however he is quick to change that. He grabs the hem and starts pulling it off, your hands helping him so a few moments later you’re completely naked underneath him.

“Fuck, Angel,” he breathes out, his perfect, pink lips attacking the side of your throat, kissing and nibbling on the skin, going down to your breasts, giving the same amount of attention to both while you turn into jelly under his touch. lacing your fingers through his hair you cry out his name as you can feel him leaving a mark on your left breast, his tongue swirling against the spot he just completely destroyed before he brings himself back up so he can kiss you again and again with so much hunger, it’s hard to tell where you end and where he starts. Everything melts together and you’re such a mess in every possible way.

His hand gently reaches down between your legs and parts your shaking thighs before he cups you drenched pussy, his middle finger sliding between your folds, a shameless moan slipping from your mouth, right into his as your lips are still attached.

“So wet, I can’t wait to make you feel good, baby. Let me make you feel good.”

“Harry, just… please,” you pant, surely feeling yourself lose the last bits of your nerves.

“D’you have a condom?” he asks, head lifting up a bit so he can look into your eyes.

“I-In my, um, the makeup bag,” you try to explain gesturing towards your dresser where your makeup bag sits on top, two condoms somewhere inside it. Harry pecks your lips before pulling away from you, the lack of his weight on top of you making you shiver.

He digs into the bag until he finds what he’s been looking for, tearing the packaging open with his teeth and he rolls it on while he walks back, not wasting another moment. You cling onto him like a koala bear once he is back in bed, his massive body covering you again.

“Just tell me how you like it, I’ll do anything,” he mumbles against your shivering lips as he pushes the head in first, stopping for a second before the rest of his cock buries inside you, completely taking your breath away. He is bigger than anyone you’ve ever been with, filling up every inch of you, your walls stretching around him as he stills once he is all the way inside you.

This is it. This is the moment you’ve imagined oh so many times, feeling him the closest possible, his cock buried inside you, his cheek pressed against yours as he holds himself up on top of you. Years of yearning and endless nights when you imagined your hand was his… and now it’s your reality. And though you know it’s gonna change everything, you can’t tell yourself to stop.

Harry lifts his head, pecking your lips gently, calling you Angel over and over again as he starts moving, the friction between your legs growing with each thrust. He fits inside you so well, you won’t be able to enjoy sex with anyone else now that you’ve experienced it with Harry. All of a sudden, he has become the epitome of your whole life.

“Tell me what you want, Angel. Do you want me to go slow or fast? Tell me how to make you feel good.” His lips brush against yours with each word while you’re just trying to catch your breath, fingers digging into his back, the euphoria building up inside you gradually.

“A little faster,” you breathe out, speaking feels like a hard task at the moment. Harry picks his pace up, finding just the right rhythm that makes you wrap your legs around his waist so he can go even deeper with each thrust he makes.

“Look at me, Angel. Let me see your eyes,” he begs, his hand cupping your cheek. He runs his thumb along the line of your lower lip before he takes it between his lips, tugging on it gently, kissing you like you’re his last breath on Earth. He is devouring you, body melts together with yours, all your senses are strictly focused on him. He is all you see, hear, feel and taste.

Your gaze meets his and the way he looks at you, like you’re his whole entire world, it makes your eyes tear up. You want it to be true, you want it to be reality, you want it to be more than just about needs and satisfaction, but it’s not and your consciousness is not letting you believe otherwise.

“Oh Angel,” he softly hums, wiping away a tear that escaped the corner of your eye and ran down the side of your face. Keeping up his rhythm he kisses along your jawline, your cheek, your lips, the side of your face, the bridge of your nose, everywhere he can before returning to your lips with a hungry, passion filled kiss.

“Harry…” you whimper, holding your thighs tighter around his waist as you feel yourself nearing the edge.

“Let it go for me, Angel. I wanna see you feel good, cum for me,” he tells you, eyes never leaving yours as you are ready to burst underneath him.

“Harry, I-I need you!” The words fall from your lips as a desperate beg, arms wrapping around his torso tight, as if he could disappear from your embrace any moment.

“I’m right here, Angel. Right here,” he soothes you, kissing your lips sweetly as proof that he is not just a trick your mind is playing on you. “Are you close, baby? Are you gonna cum for me?”

“Yes! Yes!” you pant, losing control over your body and all your senses. It’s gonna be intense, you can tell and it hasn’t even started yet, you just know it’ll shake you to the core.

“Good girl. Let me make you feel good.” “So good,” you breathe out before Harry occupies your lips with his once again.

It doesn’t take long. He keeps thrusting in the perfect angle and it throws you right over the edge. Harry demands you look him in the eyes when your orgasm wash you over and the intensity of it all almost makes you cry again. You burst, lose yourself under him, screaming his name as if you were praying to all higher forces. In a way, you are, because for a moment you really think you completely vanish from this world.

Harry follows you just a few more thrusts later, falling out of his rhythm as he grunts and moans your name, face buried into the crook of your neck while you tug on his hair, the feeling of his soft locks between your fingers is like pure heaven.

He stills, but stays inside you as he looks up, his eyes filled with satisfaction and contentment as he cups your face again, kissing you long, taking his time with you.

As you come off your high and the clouds of euphoria clears off, reality sets in more painfully than ever. Your limbs are paralyzed and you feel like you are outside your own body, just watching everything happen as if you were a third person in the room. Harry rolls to the side, chest heaving wildly as he is trying to regulate himself. Once he is able to breathe without panting, he pecks your shoulder gently and makes a quick round to the bathroom. You hear water running and then his feet padding on the floor, but you can’t bring yourself to move, you just lie there, completely drained out. It doesn’t change even when Harry gently cleans you off with a damp washing cloth, throwing it to the side to take care of it in the morning. He pulls the covers over the two of you and scoops you into his arms. You manage to bring your arm up to his chest as your head rests on his shoulder. His fingers are dancing up and down your arm, his steady breathing keeping your overcrowded head grounded. And then… he starts singing so softly, it’s almost just a whisper.

“Hey Angel, oh, I wish I could be more like you. Do you wish you could be more like me?”

Your eyes shut close, the damn tears flooding again, but you keep your sobs drowned in your throat. Instead you force yourself to sleep and hope you live to see the morning, because you feel like your heart is about to give up on you.

When you wake up, you genuinely feel like you’ve drunk through last night and now have the worst hangover. It’s like you’ve been hit on the head with a chair. You slowly come to your senses and realize that you’re completely naked in bed and there’s a body curled to your side, equally naked.

The shock sets in first because you realize, once again, that what happened last night wasn’t just a fever dream, it actually happened. And then you basically jump out of bed when you look at the small digital clock on the bedside and see that the two of you have ten minutes to leave if you don’t want to be late to the last day of filming.

“Harry! Harry get up!” you smack him, kicking the covers off and grabbing your top and shorts from the floor, quickly putting them on. The man in talk growls, just rolling to his back without even opening his eyes. “Harry damn it! We have ten minutes or you’ll be late!” you snap at him and it somewhat wakes him up. With furrowed eyebrows at puckered lips, he lifts his head up and looks around.

Those lips were kissing you last night.

“What?” he mumbles in confusion.

“We overslept, get up. We have… eight minutes left.”

“Shit,” he mumbles under his breath, finally getting out of bed, reaching for his boxers.

It’s a shitshow as the two of you try to get ready on time and though you are running just a few minutes late, the driver of the taxi manages to speed down the streets fast enough that you arrive to set just in time.

During the whole ride, you feel Harry’s burning eyes on you, but thank God, you get a call from Jeffrey the moment you get into the car and it lasts the whole ride so you don’t have to talk with him about what happened last night.

“Y/N,” he tries when you’re still on the phone and he is already done with hair and makeup, heading to set to start filming.

“What?” you mouth at him.

“Can we talk later?”

“I’m busy. Go, I’m sure they are waiting for you,” you whisper to him and he looks so disappointed, but he nods and walks away. Your heart breaks as you lower the phone. You have been out of the call for some time, just didn’t want to talk to him.

Quite frankly, you’re not ready to talk to him about what happened last night. You don’t want to hear him say that he was just trying to help you out last night, that it wasn’t anything serious, just some messing around. It was just two people trying not to feel lonely.

Walking back into his trailer you can feel your chest tightening, a sharp pain shooting right into your heart the more you think about him. It was a mistake, you shouldn’t have done it because you are the one with the feelings and now you are the one struggling with the consequences of your little get together.

The more you think about it, the worse it gets and you feel like you’re about to suffocate. You need to get out of here, there’s no way you can face him now.

It all happens so fast. Before you can even second guess your decision, you’re on your way back to the apartment to pack all your stuff and get on the first flight back home. You need to put distance between you and him, spending one more night in the same apartment would make you go nuts. So while Harry is filming, completely oblivious to what you’re doing, you pack up your room as fast as possible and head to the airport to hop on the plane that leaves at four pm.

With a racing heart you check all your baggage in and make it through security when Harry first calls you. At first, you want to ignore it, but then you find yourself swiping your thumb across the screen.

“Hey,” you shortly greet him.

“Hey, where are you? Have been looking for you everywhere.” “I um… I’m at the airport,” you answer and the silence on the other end is deafening for a moment.

“You are at the what?” he then snaps.

“I had a, um, kind of emergency, so I’m heading back home now. Sorry, I would have called you, but didn’t know when you’d be off set.”

“You fucking packed and left already? You’re really at the airport?” He is fuming, Raging. You can tell he is pacing in the trailer, vigorously running his fingers through his hair, ruining it without a care. You almost feel guilty, but then again, you just know facing him now would break you. You’ll get back to him when you’ve pulled your shit together.

“I am, calm down, alright? Not a big deal.” “You just left on our last day here without a fucking word! And when am I seeing you again?”

“I, uhh—I need to be home for a while, but you’ll be fine. I’ll stay in touch with you in email and text.”

“Fucking text? Email?” he is barking now. Good thing you are not there because it would be a disaster. “Y/N, you can’t be serious. We-we were supposed to talk. You can’t just fucking disappear like this.”

“We’ll talk, alright?”

“When?”

“Later,” you simply tell him at a loss for a better answer. Hopefully, never, you think to yourself, but don’t say it out loud.

“Okay, you’re not doing this. Don’t you dare get on a plane, I’m going to the airport right now. You’re not leaving.”

“Well, I am and you’re not coming here,” you clap back, but you can already hear him moving around, probably gathering his stuff so he can leave right away.

“Swear to God if you get on that plane, I’m—“ He cuts himself off, no idea what to really say and you just sigh, closing your eyes. People rush by you and as you glance at the big screen you see that your plane is boarding.

“Harry, just… it’ll be better like this, alright? You’ll be fine, I’ll see you… when I see you. Have fun on your last day on set.”

You end the call before he could get another word out and put it on airplane mode right away as you grab your backpack and head to your gate.

Using your time on the plane wisely, you put together a very detailed schedule for Harry so he knows everything about his next few weeks and you can minimize your contact with him. You even set up a bunch of reminders in his calendar so he won’t miss his appointments.

When you set feet on the ground again, you expect the distance between you and Harry to feel comforting and freeing, but it’s the opposite. An ache in your chest is getting heavier as you get yourself a taxi and head home, feeling more alone than ever in your life.

Your home doesn’t feel like a home. Not without that one person who could make any place your home, but you can’t see him right now, not until you learn how to exist around him without the urge to faint.

Going to bed alone is pure torture. Every moment you are waiting to hear Harry shuffling around in the apartment, you miss his little snorts when he is watching the TV, his singing coming from the shower, but most importantly, you miss having him so close to you in bed. Now that you’re lying on your own, your bed feels so cold, it brings you tears as reality sets in. You miss him. You miss him more than anything and you can’t imagine a time when it won’t hurt anymore.

The crying pushes you into a shallow slumber sometime in the middle of the night, however, you’re rudely shaken back to consciousness when you hear someone banging on your door like crazy, pushing the doorbell constantly.

“Jesus fuck,” you mumble with a grimace, pulling a hoodie on as you make your way to the door hazily, probably still half asleep because you open the door without checking who it is through the peephole and you end up staring up at none other than Harry. “What the—What are you doing here?” you breathe out, panic sets in fast and your hands start shaking at the sight of him.

Harry steps inside without invitation and closes the door behind him, a stern expression on his handsome face.

“Y/N, what the fuck were you thinking when you left like that?”

“I-I told you, it was an emergency.”

“What kind of emergency? Because I called your mom and sisters, they all said nothing happened in the family, so what could possibly happen that needed you here immediately?”

“I don’t have to explain shit to you.” Shaking your head you try to step back to put some distance between the two of you, but he doesn’t let you, taking a step forward at the same time.

“Well I think we have a lot to talk about after last night, don’t you think?”

“I don’t want to talk,” you shake your head biting into your bottom lip. This wasn’t supposed to happen, why couldn’t he just stay where he was? “How did you even get here so fast?”

“Left as soon as we wrapped.”

“Where are all your stuff?”

“Left everything there, I’ll just go back and pack it up, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that for a girl who genuinely hates any form of working out, you ran pretty fast from you today.”

Any other day you would have laughed at his comparison, but not today. You just stand there, chewing on the inside of your cheeks as you try to figure out what to do or say. You were not ready to face him so soon.

“What do you want me to say?” you ask desperately, throwing your hands into the air.

“Tell me what it meant for you,” he calmly answers and you want to shake him. How is he so peaceful?

“No,” you shake your head. “I’m not doing this to myself, okay? I need time, Harry.”

“For what?”

“So I can get myself over this, alright? I need time, I—fuck this,” you growl, feeling the tears flooding your eyes again. Damn it!

“Why the fuck do you want to get yourself over it?”

“Because it obviously didn’t mean the same thing to me as it meant to you!” you snap at him and he raises his eyebrows at you in a way that tells you “you’re stupid”.

“What do you think it meant to me?”

“Probably nothing,” you scoff rolling your eyes, but the anger that bursts from him quickly washes your attitude away.

“Fucking nothing? You think I would get on a fucking plane first thing after filming for ten hours straight just to come after you? You think I spent all my nights with you these past weeks because you mean nothing to me? You know, for a smart girl, you can be pretty dumb sometimes.”

You blink at him in utter confusion, his words knocked you off your feet. He exhales sharply, long fingers running through his messy curls as he tries his best to calm himself down. When he is finally breathing somewhat normally his wildly vibrant green eyes meet your widened stare.

“Y/N, I thought we were on the same page. What did you think it was all about?” he softly asks, seeing how shook you still are.

“I, uhh—I thought this was all just some kind of distraction. You said you were feeling lonely, I thought you were just… kind of using me. And then last night was you returning the favor.”

“Hell no,” he breathes out shaking his head as he steps closer and this time you don’t back away from him. You let his hands run down your arms until they find your hands. “I thought this was clear, but I’m gonna say it then. I’m in love with you, Y/N, have been for a long time, I was just being a pussy and didn’t know how you’d take it. But then, when you didn’t kick me out of your bed the first night we slept together, it got me hoping and it was all heading just the right direction. Then last night happened and I was so damn sure this would be our turning point but then…” He breathes out shakily again, as if the thought still upsets him. “When I called you and you said you were at the airport… I love you, Angel, but I was ready to murder you.”

You let out a faint chuckle, feeling the tears bubbling in your eyes.

“Why did you run away instead of talking to me? Did you not trust me?” he asks softly, a hand coming up to cup your jaw gently.

“I didn’t trust myself,” you admit weakly.

“Oh Angel…” Leaning down he kisses your forehead tenderly, his lips feel like soft feathers against your hot skin. “Do you need me to tell you again how in love I am with you or are you gonna believe me? You’re not planning to run away again, are you?” he teases you making you chuckle as you shake your head.

“I’m not gonna run away, but I would love to hear you say you love me again.”

“I love you. I love you so fucking much, Angel, don’t you ever think otherwise for a moment, okay?”

You nod, lips curling into your mouth as your teary eyes meet his green orbs.

“I love you too, Harry.”

“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to hear you say that,” he chuckles breathing out in relief and it makes you smile. “I would never just use you. Love you way too much for that, Angel. You are everything to me.”

“Wish I knew that earlier,” you mumble with a bitter chuckle. It would have saved you a lot of tears.

“I will never stop saying it to you.” His forehead rests against yours, noses touching as his arms curl around your frame, pulling you close to him until you’re pressed up against his hard chest. “Just out of curiosity, what were you thinking when I told you, you reminded me of Hey Angel? Because I think it pretty much gave me away, but apparently, I was wrong,” he chuckles lowly, pulling back a little so he can look you in the eyes.

“I honestly have no idea,” you admit with an awkward chuckle. “I just had a conversation with Florence before that where she called me out about my feelings for you and I was still kind of in shock. Probably took it as just your usual flirty behavior.”

“I’ll admit I do flirt some, but haven’t you realized it’s different with you?”

“I guess not.” “Angel, you are… something else,” he chuckles in disbelief before leaning down he finally presses his lips against yours. You giggle into his lips, arms wrapping around his neck as he lifts you up from the ground, twirling you around, a squeal slipping from your mouth.

“So, now you have to go back to pack your stuff?” you question, still wrapped into his arms completely and you don’t want to exist any other way. This is where you belong.

“Yeah. Had to chase down this Angel who thought she could run away from me.”

“So how are you planning to get to New York by four tomorrow when you’re still here and have to go back to pack? Have you checked the schedule I sent you? You’re not gonna make it.” You cock your head to the side with an arched brow.

“Did you just go back to full assistant mode right after we confessed our love for each other?”

“Someone has to be responsible and we both know it’s always me.”

“I’ll just hire someone to do it for me, I’ll leave to New York from here. Happy?” he grins at you as you nod.

“Very. Because this means you can stay the night here.”

“Seeing the fact that I literally have nowhere else to go, because even my house keys are in the suitcase I left back… I very much need to stay here for the night,” he points out.

“Good. Come on, my bed felt empty without you,” you giggle, pulling him towards your bedroom and he follows you eagerly.

“I can definitely help that.”

Thank you for reading! Please like/reblog if you enjoyed!

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fruitoftheweek · 3 years

Text

Little Cherry Book:

Chapter 4:Showered in Sin

Chapter 1 Here / Chapter 2 Here / Chapter 3 Here

Hey guys! I'm sorry that it has taken so long for me to update this. I had an idea of what I was going to write but I had a super hectic week so I wasn't able to write this till now. In order to make up for it, I have given you a treat. A 6,502 word chapter. It kinda beat my ass but I had so much fun writing it. It's sweet, it's spicy, it's all the goodness you guys deserve. I was listening to Duvet by Boa while writing this and I think you should too for two reasons. One, it helps set the mood, but also oh my fucking god it's such a good song. Also, Boa is just a fucking great band. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and message me if you would like to be added to the tag list! Love you guys

Pairing: Spencer Reid X reader

Chapter Plot: After a game of drunk never have I ever after a long case, Morgan locks Spencer out of their shared room. Shenanigans ensue and you and Spencer share a couple of firsts.

Series TW: 18+, smut, degradation, piercing, choking, knife play, mommy/daddy kinks, spanking, exhibitionism, Will update as time goes on

Chapter TW: smut, slight mommy kink, having body piercings, choking, slight blood kink (not really, it's just hard to explain), Shared masturbation (male and female receiving), pleading, multiple orgasms, cumming in pants, shower sexiness, aftercare

Word Count: 6,502

Your deep cherry lipstick painted the white seal of the wine bottle you held in your hand as you laughed at something Elle said. Spencer couldn't help but let a small smile pass his lips as he took in your form, hot from the day's work, small strands of your hair sticking to your forehead, a dewy glow illuminating your rosy cheeks.

After a long week, they had found Carl Arnold before he had been able to kill the Dunken family and even coerced a confession out of him. With spirits running high, Elle had suggested some much-needed relaxation before taking off the next day. Since you were rooming alone, you volunteered to host in your room. Morgan had arrived at your hotel room with two bottles of some sort of liquor, one clear and one amber, JJ trailing in toe with your bottle of red wine you had asked for. You pulled out your little corkscrew with the face of an old man on it, knowing she hated his weird little face. You brought it with you on trips, just in case the occasion arose.

And it did arise as Elle suggested a drinking game. Hotch had retired early after calling Hailey to get an update on his very pregnant wife, while Gideon preferred the solitude of a good book late at night. The rest of you sat on the floor surrounded by drinks and snacks. With the supervision gone, it almost felt like a high school party with no parents. You all had all settled on a classic, never have I ever. "We haven't played this in a long time because we already know so much about each other, but it's fun when we have a newbie around," Morgan said giving you a cheeky smile and bumping your shoulder. Already pliable after the couple of drinks you had while Elle explained the game, you nodded before tipping your lips to the cusp of Spencer's ear. "I'll try not to make it too hard for you, pretty boy," you said. The small puffs of air that left your mouth made Spencer's hair stand on end and his feet curl.

He knew you were teasing him that night and he loved it. He decided to keep his knees tucked to his chest for the rest of the night as to not expose the predicament in his pants. He watched the way you lightly sucked on the wine bottle as you tipped it back, a thin river of cabernet leaking from the corner of your lips and trailing down your neck. Spencer wanted nothing more than to lean over and lap it off of you just to see how you would react, but he knew it was the drinks talking. Despite your earlier comment, it was quite obvious that you were targeting him as his head started to spin gently.

"Never have I ever had sex with someone much older than me," Garcia said through her video feed with a cheeky smirk. Derek had insisted on including her even though she wasn't physically present. She sat bundled up in a comfy blanket in her office with a mug of some sort of alcoholic beverage. "HEY! No targeting! Plus, I told you that in confidence at ladies night. How much is much older?" You said, swaying your bottle towards the computer set up on the floor."You know how much older I mean sweetheart." Garcia said with a giggle as you groaned and took a sip."How much older is much older?" Morgan said with a cocked eyebrow, somewhere between impressed and surprised." I was a college student, experimenting with my professor. Not like an old man, but he was 20 years older than me. Definitely not my style anymore though." You said with a grimace remembering him.

Spencer had learned a lot about your sex life during that game, but some part inside of him smirked, knowing that the rest of the team would never know you as he knew you, not unless they too had read your journal. It was the only thing keeping his head clear of the idea of you with anyone else. Not that you were with him in any capacity, but the idea still made him feel something in his stomach. Not the sweet butterflies that came with your smile, but something more like idiotic hornets dangerously bumping against the walls of his stomach.

Spencer hadn't even noticed the uproar of everyone else around the circle at your comment and the second revelation that Morgan had drunk too. He was too busy watching how you had shyly tucked your hair behind your ear, finally letting it down out of your clips for once. You were wearing your pajamas, just a tank top, slouchy sweater, and flannel pajama pants, but somehow you looked more radiant than ever. He had come back down to earth after hearing someone call his name."Y-Yes?" He sputtered out, realizing you had been trying to get his attention."It's Morgan's turn, pay attention." You said, gently smacking your hand down on his thigh.

If he was riled up before, he was unbelievably undone at the slight sting from where your palm had just been. Light enough that it wasn't noticeable, but hard enough that it erupted a Shockwave through his body, centered on the location of the contact. He bit back the whimper threatening to escape his lips as he turned towards Morgan, trying desperately to not watch you from the corner of his eye.

"Never have I been a virgin at 24," Morgan said, beaming in his direction. Spencer took a big gulp from his glass of whiskey."You always do that one, I don't know why you think it's so funny, you're just trying to get me to drink" he said abashedly. He looked over at you, nervous for your reaction, but you seemed unfazed. "Hey, that's a wonderful gift to have, there's something so special about virgins. Maybe it's the idea that everything is new, but I like it. I love virgins." You said, taking a sip from your bottle, gently swaying. You had given up on never have I ever and just decided to drink whenever you felt like it. Maybe it was because you were tipsy, maybe it was the warm flush that decorated Spencer's cheeks, maybe it was the way he was looking at you with sultry, half-lidded eyes. You couldn't tell, but something made you want to find an excuse for you two to be alone.

"Geese, we seemed to have caught a succubus tonight." Morgan quipped."A suck-you-what now?" You said, cocking an eyebrow at him. " A succubus, it's a demon or supernatural entity in folklore, in female form, that appears in dreams to seduce men, usually through sexual activity. According to religious traditions, repeated sexual activity with a succubus can cause poor physical or mental health, even death. In modern representations, a succubus is often depicted as a beautiful seductress or enchantress, rather than as demonic or frightening." Spencer shot out. "Wow, even when you're drunk, your big brain keeps chuggin' along," you said, sloppily ruffling his hair "A beautiful seductress or enchantress, huh?" That time it came out low, inaudible to the others, but it pierced Spencer like a knife."Do you think that's accurate bout me?" you asked, staring up into his eyes, closer than you have been before. Spencer let a cartoonish gulping noise escape his lips as he held back his urge to lean into your touch.

"Ah, it's my turn," you said, leaning back into your spot in the circle and sadly, away from Spencer." Never have I ever done something naughty at our work," you said, looking straight at Spencer "I'll know if you're lying, I can sniff out a liar from a mile away," your cocky smirk leaking out of your mouth. Everyone except you and JJ took a shot."Wow, really you guys? Even you Spence? " JJ said in disbelief, looking around the circle."Never have I ever, my ass" Spencer mumbled under his breath, just loud enough for you to hear, looking over at you, thinking about your pantieless escapades.

"Look at that, Doctor Reid, you need another drink, let me go fix you one," You said as you grabbed his glass in one hand, leaning and gripping hard into his shoulder with the other. It wasn't seen by the others, but between that and the fiery look in your eyes, it sent an obvious message,' keep your mouth shut or I'll shut it for you.' You used him as leverage to get up, nearly pushing him over as you gracefully stumbled to the hotel fridge. He knew what you meant, but he didn't care, your grip on him went straight into his imagination as he envisioned what that grip would feel like in other places. He kind of wanted to push his luck, just so he could see what he had in store.

And push it he did as you handed him the glass, reminding him that it was indeed his turn to play never have I ever. "Never have I ever slept with my professor," He said, obviously targeting you with a glint of mischief in his eyes."Oh yeah, well never have I ever been a virgin at 24." You said, swaying as you sat down."Morgan already said that, dummy. Never have I ever worn stupid dark red lipstick" He retorted, equally as drunk as you. At this point everyone else had zoned you two out and were focused on other things, refreshing their drinks, counting the ceiling tiles, humming a sloppy rendition of My My Miss American Pie, or in Penelope's case, all three."Yeah, well never have I ever been a complete and utter mommas boy!" You continued, the statement turning Spencer beet red. You watched him clench and unclench his hands, you had obviously struck a nerve. Just as you were about to apologize, he cut you off. "Never have I ever had nipple piercings!" He shouted, pointing at your chest, now drawing attention to the obvious balls framing your nipples that you had once been covered by your long-forgotten sweater.

As he said it, it felt like the world went in slow motion. You could see the instant regret on his face as you dropped your bottle in surprise. It had landed on Spencers discarded whiskey glass and both shattered, wine and whiskey mixing with glass to create a slurry on the ground between them. "Fuck! You Guys!" Morgan said, "You got it all over my clothes." "Me too," Echoed Elle as they both stood up in their soaked clothes. "I think that calls it a night." JJ said, closing the laptop on the image of an already sleeping Garcia." Bye you guys, sleep well," you called after them as you and Spencer rushed around looking for towels to clean up the alcohol with.

"Ow! Son of a bitch!" Spencer cried as you dropped the last of the glass in the garbage can. As you rounded the corner, you saw Spencer pulling a rather large shard of glass that you must have missed out of his thumb, blood pooling at the tip. Without thinking, you crouched down and sucked his thumb into your mouth." A-ah! What... What are you doing!?" Spencer asked breathlessly, looking down at you with a deep hunger in his eyes. You pop off his thumb and squeeze it at the base, slowing the blood flow."Shut up," You said," This helps slow the bleeding. The sucking applies pressure. My mom used to do this for me... And no, do not psychoanalyze that." You said, wrapping your mouth around his finger, sucking to provide some pressure to slow the blood flow. You could taste the iron in your mouth, but you didn't mind, knowing you were helping your friend.

You were helping alright, helping in more ways than you would ever understand. "Yeah, like I'm the only one here with mommy issues," he said distractedly, too busy surveying your lips wrapped around him. You slapped your hand down on his thigh once more, eliciting a small whimper from him. He couldn't help it, you were a sight of beauty, you always were, but looking down on you right then, Spencer wanted to bottle that moment forever. The tops of your breasts peeking out from the top of your tank top, your eyes filled with a hazy glow, looking up at him to make sure he was ok, and your cheeks hollowing out around his thumb as you delicately sucked on his wound. It was as close as Spencer had ever gotten to anything sexual. He could feel your tongue swirling around the cut, lapping up the last couple drops of blood. He couldn't help but imagine what it would be like if it was another appendage and not his thumb. You sucked on his thumb one last time, harder than you had previously, and before he even knew what he was doing, his hips bucked up, rubbing his hard cock against his pajama pants, finally relieving his mounting orgasm.

You let go of his finger with a pop as your tongue trailed off of the underside of his thumb. Spencer looked anywhere but you, as a wet patch formed through his thin underwear and pajama pants. He hurried to cover it with his sweater, shooting up from his seated position."Um, Um, I'm g-gonna go shower and go to bed." He said, hurriedly scurrying over to where he had left his room key." Sorry partner, I saw Morgan accidentally grab both of your keys on the way out. He's probably asleep by now." You said languidly, leaning back to take in the sight of the soft boy in front of you. Totally flushed with heat, small beads of sweat peppering his forehead, his hands twiddling suspiciously into his sweater in an attempt to conceal crotch, trying and failing miserably to hide his rapidly cooling cum.

He whined a little, lighting a fire in you. He looked so thoroughly fucked out, and all you had done was suck his finger. You knew that you just had to play with him some more. "You know, you can use my shower, doctor." You said, and he let out a small sigh of relief, heading towards the bathroom. "There is one condition, though," You smirked coyly as he halted his motions, his body facing away from you. It was almost as if he was ready to run away at any moment. You walked over to him, slowly, taking your time to tease him. The silence hung heavy in the air as you looked up into his eyes questioningly, waiting for him to ask. "Wh-what is the condition." He said, unable to return your gaze, hands fisted in the hem of his sweater, pulling it down even further. You smirked, dipping your hands up and under his sweater, nearly brushing his spent cock before gently placing them on his bare stomach, just above his waistband. He sucked in a tight breath as you gently swirled your fingers in the short hair that lead from his belly button down to happier places." Before I ask, do you know about the color scale?" you said, fingers smoothing out over his little stomach." Um, k-kinda?" He said, heat flushing his cheeks."Green means good keep going, yellow means slow down, and red means stop right now, ok?" You said, looking up at him as he nods."Come on pretty boy, I need verbal confirmation. I need to know that you understand, got it." You said with a little pinch to his tummy. "Y-Yes, I understand!" He blurted out, standing stiff as a board." Good boy. Now, for my condition. You can shower if you show me what you're hiding." You said, leaning close enough that if Spencer breathed, your chests would meet each other. "What color, Spencer?" you said, languidly drawing lines up and down his torso with your nails."G-Green, Very green." He sputtered out, finally meeting your eyes."That's what I like to hear, sweet boy." You said before your fingers danced below his waistline, now somewhat crusty from his cum."W-wait!" He says, just as you were about to take him in your hand. You instantly stopped and looked up at him gently."We can stop here baby, it's not a problem." You said, beginning to remove your hand from his pants. He grabbed your hand through his pants, stopping your movement."It-It's not that. I don't want to stop, I just want... well..." He said and looked down shyly. "What do you want baby, anything," You smiled up at him. "Um, I haven't had my first kiss yet and I kinda... Well... I kinda..." He said, shuffling his feet, face beet red. Your eyebrows shot up quickly in surprise before letting out a gentle smile."Do you want a kiss, pretty boy?" You said, gently brushing the hair out of his face. He nodded, and you grabbed his chin, bringing him close. "Use your words, pretty boy. What do you want?" You whispered, breath gently ghosting Spencer's lips as he took you in up close. He could see every little pore and dimple of your skin and every color hidden in the depth of your eyes and he knew he needed to have you.

He shakily leaned forward, lips gently meeting yours, so light that if you hadn't seen his actions, you wouldn't have even known if you had touched. You moved your hand down to his throat, giving a light squeeze."Come on genius, use your words," you said as he whimpered. "Please, can I kiss you, please, please?" He begged, leaning into your touch, pleading for you to squeeze again. His efforts shoot straight to your heart. You indulged him in a kiss, not as spicy as the situation would permit, more of a sweet heat. He came in too hot and heavy at first, but you kissed him languidly, gently stroking his cheek to get him in the rhythm. His arms were straight out at his sides, hands clenched as if he was willing every muscle in his body to not touch you.

You let out a small laugh as you melted into his kiss, soft, puffy lips dancing across yours. "You know you can touch me," You said, pulling back, smiling at the smear of your lipstick, now staining his lips, and the endearing puppy dog eyes he was giving you. "Where can I touch you?" He whispered out as if he were telling a secret. "Wherever you want, baby. Wherever your heart desires." You replied, bringing your arms up to wrap loosely around his neck, pulling your bodies closer. He was as stiff as a board as his hands flitted around trying to find a good place to land. He finally settled on weaving his arms around your waist and up to cradle your neck, gently carding his fingers through the hair that fell at the nape of your neck. There was something so sweet in the way he cradled your body with feather-light touches as if you would disappear like smoke if he lingered too long. You reveled in the feeling of you two pressed together, slightly uncomfortable at the stiff material of his pajama pants on your stomach.

"Hey sweetheart," You said, pulling away as he chased after your lips, "I'm feeling kinda sweaty from the day, would you like to join me in the shower? What color?" "G-green, yes please." He said, tentatively pressing a kiss to your collarbone, exposed as the strap of your tank top had fallen down. You unwound from him, taking his hand delicately in your own, instantly missing the warmth his body provided.

You lead him into the bathroom, carefully stepping over the wine-soaked towels discarded on the floor before shutting the door and turning to face him. "I don't want to take this too fast for you because I know it's all very new so always tell me how you are feeling and if everything is ok. I want this to be good for you baby, ok?" You said, squeezing his hand that was still intertwined with yours. "Ok, th-thank you," He said shyly.

"Now, what do you want to do first? You're probably pretty uncomfortable in those pants, do you want me to take them off you?" You said, hooking one of your fingers into his waistband, pulling on in slightly creating a much-needed separation between his sticky cock and his uncomfortable pants."Y-Yes please" He said as you turned on the shower, allowing it to warm up in preparation for cleaning him off before turning back to him. You gently grabbed the hem of his sweater and pulled it over his head, leaving him shirtless in front of you.

Lean muscles were hidden under a layer of peachy soft skin highlighting the gentle trail of dark curly hair leading from his belly button down past his pants. His arms curled around himself as he watched your eyes carefully, ready for some sort of judgment. "I know I'm not really that s-strong or anything but I can work on it-" You cut him off with a gentle kiss right above his belly button, startling him. You looked up sweetly into his eyes and gave him a soft smile, saying "You are so beautiful, Spencer. Morgan calls you pretty boy, but he truly has no idea. I would have you no other way than you are right now."

You gently peppered his chest with feather-light kisses, making him blush. He finally understood why people liked hickeys because as you trailed down his chest, the little wine red lipstick you had left on your lips left marks trailing down his chest. Some part of him wished they were permanent, showing off to all that could see, and they would know exactly who he belonged to. You dipped your hand into his waistband, asking, "What color?" "Green, very green," he choked out as your breath ghosted across his abdomen. You looked so beautiful, kneeled on the floor in front of him, taking care of him so gently and treating him so sweetly that he could feel his cock begin to harden again.

You looked up into his eyes as you pulled his pants down. He let out a soft sigh of relief as he was uncaged from his unfortunate trouser situation. His cock flipped down out of his pants, nearly smacking you in the forehead as you looked up at it in awe. Even though it was only semi-hard, it was bigger than any you had ever seen before. Spencer looked down at you shyly "it's not that much, I-I know but I've been researching techniques to make up for it in order to give sufficient pleasure for you- I mean for whatever partners I may have, not that I am saying that I won't please you, I dream of pleasuring you! ... I'm digging myself a hole aren't I."He rambled, rubbing the back of his neck worriedly. "Spencer, you are huge. Way more than I have ever had before. See?" You said, standing up, gently lifting his cock in your hand, measuring it against your stomach.

Maybe Spencer hadn't noticed because it was proportionate to his body and his big hands, but being held in your petite hands and measured against your stomach, he finally did see how much he would fill you up. The tip of his dick just barely reached past the gems that decorated your belly button piercing. "W-Woah." He said growing harder at the thought of pushing so deep into you. He looked up to your face, which was preoccupied with looking down at how far he would reach up in you.

Tearing your eyes away from him and up to his own, you flushed, knowing that he had caught you staring. "What would you like me to do next?" You spoke softly. Despite being the only two in the room, you two both talked in hushed tones, worrying that anything more than that would burst the delicate bubble you two had created. "Can we match?" He said, and you instantly understood him, despite the odd vernacular. You began to slip off your shirt, but he stopped you with an arm on your shoulder. "C-Can I do it?" He said shyly. "Of course, pretty baby," you barely get out before he drifted his hands under your tank.

He slowly lifted your top over your head as he took in the soft smooth feeling of your skin against his, goosebumps pricking up wherever his fingers trailed. You stood in front of him, shirtless as he took in your form. He had imagined what your breasts would look like. Nipples always hard due to your piercings, what your jewelry would look like, but nothing could prepare him for the glimmering moonstone gems that adorned your nipples and navel. Everything matched exactly, including the delicate necklace you wore around your neck.

The only thing he liked more than the perfection of your body was the features that made you, you. Some might call them imperfections, but to Spencer, all he could see in you was beauty. The gentle bruises on your skin from tangles with unsubs, the soft stretch marks that adorned your hips like little valleys and winding rivers, the slight blemishes, and hairs. He loved it because you were the embodiment of the confidence he wished for in himself. While he was always nervous about his body and how others perceived him, you loved yourself for exactly who you were, and you loved him for exactly who he was.

He pulled down your pants, gently following the twist and turn of the stretch marks as they winded down your hips, making sure to kneel down to pull them all the way off of you as you delicately stepped out, gently grabbing onto his hair to keep your balance as you swayed. He moaned softly at the gentle tug of your fingers while he stared up at you in awe. You took his hand in yours, coaxing him to stand.

You both stood there, taking in each other's forms for a moment, hands still connected as if by a thread at the pinky before you spoke. "We shouldn't waste water. Let me clean you off, sweetheart." He nodded before following after you into the gentle spray of the shower, steam now filling the room. He marveled at the way that the water droplets cascaded down your body, gently running down your curves. "Come here," you said, pulling him into a gentle embrace under the hot water.

Your two bodies pressed gently together, and Spencer couldn't help but think that you were molded for each other. Not in the way that a sculptor may stick two unmatched pieces of clay together with slip, more like one rock that had been split by the earth finally returning together. Something about your touch felt like home as you gently cradled him under the water.

He was so enthralled in your being that he didn't notice you gently scrubbing him with a washcloth until the scent of your body wash permeated the air. You gently scrubbed his back, washing off the sweat of the day and replacing it with you. He melted into you as your hands reached up, lathering his hair with shampoo. He wasn't sure if it was because he realized you should probably be getting washed too or because he desperately wanted to ride his hands along the planes of your body, but he decided to lather up his hands and wash you as well. "You are such a good boy. Thank you for cleaning me up" You said, resting your head gently on his chest, softly swirling the soap around his back, now finished scrubbing all you could from that angle, waiting to turn him around.

He moved carefully, avoiding your butt, still too nervous to touch. "Make sure you get everything, sweet boy. I like to be clean when I go to bed." You said, gently grabbing his hand and pulling it down to cup your butt. He inhales a sharp breath as he indulged in a gentle squeeze, continuing to wash you. He washed your back but his hands would occasionally drift down to your ass, growing more confident as he unknowingly rocked into you slightly with every squeeze, letting out soft keening noises.

You peeled yourself off of him as he rutted into the air, whining at the loss of friction. "Slow down, naughty boy. Bad boys don't get to touch. Are you a bad boy?" you asked as you placed a finger on the tip of his cock, swirling it in the precum pooling there despite the water's efforts to wash it off. "No, no! I'm a good boy! You're just so pretty, and you feel so good, and you smell so nice, and I wanna touch you, and I want you to touch me, please." He blurted out, looking at you with hungry eyes, begging for more friction. "Where do you want to touch me baby?" you asked as his eyes raked over your body, taking in all of his options. "I want to touch your boobies and your- your-" "My what? You can say it, naughty boy." You cut him off in his stammering. "Your pussy, I want to touch your pussy." He said, the hot water spreading the blush from his cheeks down his chest, tingeing his cock with a pretty pink hue. "What naughty words from such a pretty boy. You can touch-" he cut you off, lunging towards your body before you grabbed him by the throat, squeezing experimentally. Not too hard, not too soft. He moaned, and you felt the vibrations traveling up your hands."Let me finish what I was saying. Naughty boys don't get to touch. They get spanked." You said as he mewled." What I was going to say before I was so rudely interrupted was that you can touch, AFTER I wash you and after you finish washing me. Only after, you got it?" you said, squeezing a little tighter. "Y-yes." he croaked out. "Good boy," you replied.

You washed out the shampoo in his hair, replacing it with conditioner as he did the same for you. You squirted more soap onto your washcloth, preparing to test him. You took the washcloth in your hand, slowly working over his legs, arms, and chest, teasingly brushing over his overspent cock before returning to cleaning him. He washed you thoroughly, taking care to wash your legs before making sure your stomach and belly button piercing were thoroughly cleaned. Finally, he reached up to wash the leftover makeup off of your face. He touched you like a porcelain doll, worried that you would crack under even the slightest pressure, making you giggle. He flinched, thinking he hurt you, but you grabbed his face in your hands, delivering him a kiss that covered his face in soap.

You both stood there, laughing for a second, relishing the moment before you let out a shy smile. "You can touch my chest now, but make sure you clean my piercings carefully." He looked down at your chest, and now that he'd been given permission, he didn't really know what to do. You could see the puzzled look on his face so you grabbed one of his soapy hands in yours and brought it to your breast. He squeezed experimentally, and you let out a gentle moan. You had been keeping in your arousal to draw out his teasing, but you couldn't hold yourself back as you felt his large hands grasp around your chest and roll your nipple in his fingers.

There was a sweet dichotomy in the harshness of his grasp on your boob, coupled with the gentle twist of your nipple. It was as if he was worried to hurt your piercings, so he made up for it in his grasp. You brought the washcloth down to his cock, hard against his stomach, and began to work him. He whined at the harsh material. "I need to clean you up, baby. You still have a cummy cock. If you beg hard enough when I'm done, I will touch you." You said into his ear as he rested his head on your shoulder.

He was overstimulated, and you could tell, so you decided you wouldn't take as long as you wanted to tease him. But you would still draw it out for your own pleasure. He was bucking and mewling into you as you roughly got him off. It shot you straight to your core, the heat from the shower mixed with his grasp on you, physically and visually, had you closer than you wanted, and deep down you just wanted him to touch you.

When you deemed him clean enough you let the rag drop to the floor. "Beg" you moaned out. "Please, please touch me, I want your hand on me, that's all I want." He whined, bucking into the air. You took pity on him, grasping him with your soap-covered hand. He hissed as your soft touch replaced the rough rag and you could tell he was close. "Touch me, Spencer." You said and his hand shot to your core. His tentative moves giving way to a natural confidence. As he slipped a hand between your folds he could feel you dripping with desire. "O-Oh my god," was all he could stammer out before sinking two of his fingers into your depths, thumb circling your clit. You knew his fingers were long, and you had even fantasized about this exact moment, but nothing could prepare you for his actual length. He had said he did research but that was proven by how quickly he found your g spot and clit. You doubled over in pleasure as his fingers thoroughly fucked you out.

"Spencer, I'm so close, baby. Be a good boy and make me cum." You said, slumping against his shoulder, rubbing yourself against his hand. "Mommy, I'm cumming." He said, looking into your eyes as his body shuttered. His words ricochetted around in your brain, sending you over the edge as you cum all down his hand. You bit into his shoulder to muffle your scream, just as he matched you, cumming down your hand.

You came down from your high as Spencer nearly collapsed onto you. You took extra care in making sure he was all clean before helping him out of the shower and into a towel. He leaned against you the whole time as you got him ready for bed. You forced him to brush his teeth before dragging him to bed.

He sat at the edge, eyes bleary with sleep, taking in the events of the day. You sat behind him, gently toweling off his hair before brushing it and putting lotion on his body. He leaned into your touch, appreciating being cared for, feeling as if everything had been a dream. "C-Can I sleep here? I mean Morgan locked me out and I don't have pants and-" You cut him off with a gentle kiss."Of course, sweetheart, do you want to cuddle? It's ok if you don't or if you want this to be a one-time thing, it's all up to you, baby." You said, gently sweeping his hair out of his face as he looked up with eyes the size of dinner plates. "We can do this more than once? You'll let me? For real?" He asked. "Only if you want to sweetheart. This is all about you." You said, giving him a small smile tinged with a slight sadness. "That's not very fair, I want it to be about you too. What do you want?"

The question knocked you off guard. You're not used to people asking what you want. Usually, people just take and give none in return. The fact that Spencer Reid, your adorable virgin coworker was asking you what you wanted with such a sincere look, caused tears to prick into your eyes. "No one has asked me that in a long time," you smiled, "I would love to do this, and more again with you Spencer. Whenever you want." He wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you down so you were lying next to each other on the bed. "Whenever we want" He corrected, cuddling into you.

You surveyed the bite make you left on his shoulder, running your hand over it. "Sorry for marking you up, I didn't mean to hurt you." You said softly as he blushed. "I-I was actually wondering... well... could you maybe give me a hickey? I like that you marked me." He said. You obliged him, giving him long kisses and sucks, gradually working up your force until a large purple bruise had formed on his collar bone. He was gently moaning the whole time, but you didn't want to work him up again as he had already cum twice that night and you didn't think he could handle more. He looked down at it as you pulled away, and you could see a question lingering on his mind.

"What's up?" you asked, smoothing his hair with your hand. "You said you hadn't been asked what you want in a long time, and I was wondering, well... who gave you your piercings?" he asked tentatively and you laughed." You have been reading my book too much, how many chapters have you read?" You said and he looked up at you surprised."You knew? and... well... only 3 chapters. I didn't want to pry into your private life." He said. "You just pried enough to know I want to get pierced by someone?" You asked raising an eyebrow. Before he could get an excuse out, you cut him off. "Well for a genius, you obviously didn't read it that carefully. I said I WOULD like to be pierced during sex, meaning I have not before. These are just standard piercings from a piercing shop, not a big deal, I just like the way they look." You said and he let out a sigh of relief. "Why? d'you get jealous?" you questioned him. He looked down and nodded shyly.

"I can be a lot of firsts for you but if you play your cards right, you can be a lot of firsts for me too. You already gave me a first tonight. You called me mommy. No one's done that before but it was really hot. I liked it a lot." You said matter of factly. "But that is a conversation for another day. It is 2 am and we need to be on a flight at 7:30, so let's get some sleep." You said, turning off the lights and cuddling up close to him. In a matter of seconds, you both were asleep, tangled into each other's arms, both of you feeling, for once, safe and sound.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 1 Here / Chapter 2 Here / Chapter 3 Here

Well wasn't that a doozy. I had so much fun writing that and I think it paid off for sure. Shoot me a message if you want to be added to my beloved tag list, speaking of which.

@spencer-reids-slut @ya-triedit @reidstoychest @flipperpenguins @thatsonezesty13 @jbbarnes-loki @big-galaxy-chaos

#spencer reid smut #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid blurb #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid angst #criminal minds smut #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds #sub spencer #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid #sub!spencer #pervspence #pervespencer #perve spencer reid #perv spencer reid

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sugakuns · 4 years

Text

[ʜᴄ] | 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬

being childhood friends with kenma, akaashi & iwa + telling each other they’d be married when they were younger

ᴀ/ɴ: gender neautral pronouns

— kozume k.

you’ve known kenma basically since the day you were born

both you and his family lived in the apartment building and you happened to live next door to each other which was both a blessing and a curse

since kenma was quite shy he had never really iniciated any conversation or play with you so you overcame your own shyness to play with him

mostly the two of you would play with dolls or go out in the local park but as soon as kenma got his first gaming device he would never go outside

even when the new kid kuroo came along it took him a while to warm up and try to play with you and kenma

kuroo noticed how throughout primary school you seemed closer to the quiet boy

you’d hang off of his shoulder and call him cute names like “kenma-san” or “kenken”

so one day kuroo gave you the idea to propose to little kenma

yes, at 7 years of age kuroo told you to ask 6 year old kenma to marry you

so you did

with little plastic rings from a magazine your mother had bought you

“kenken, im giving you this ring because it means we’re married, okay?” kenma nods and takes the ring, even going as far as slipping it on his ring finger

“Kenken!” Your voice bellows throughout the gym, hands extending out as you throw yourself into a frankly violent hug. Kenma stumbles a little, hands grasping your waist as he trieds to stablilise himself from the running hug. His hair tousles from the impact, the stray strands brushing along your cheeks as you pull away.

“You’ll never guess what I found!” Your smile is large, beaming under the fluorescent lights belonging to the gym ceiling. Kenma states curiously, his expression close to one of a curious kitten. Practice had just ended and currently Kenma and Kuroo were the only ones there due to waiting on you.

Your fingers swiftly dance along your screen as you locate the picture you had taken of your family’s photo album. There was one particular picture of both you and the now faux blonde, both smiling (albeit kenma’s looked a little forced) and showing off the plastic rings you had won in a vending machine the day prior.

“Remember? I forgot we’re married!” You giggle as Kenma stares at the picture on your phone. He hadn’t forgotten that day - yet he hoped you would - the day his childhood crush told him that they were getting married. He hadn’t put much thought into you remembering what happened on that day but when he thinks about it he feels a warm, blooming senestaion fill his chest.

“You’re married?” Kuroo chuckles as he swings the keys around his index finger in an attempt to look suave. You nod quickly whereas Kenma blinks coyly at the taller male. Kuroo can feel the chuckle bubbling up from his chest into his throat yet he catches it last moment at the sharp state he’s getting from his friend.

“Yeah..We’ll get really rings later” Kenma muses, a lazily sweet smile resting on his lips.

— iwaizumi h.

so you actually knew oikawa before iwa,, so he was the sole reason you even met hajime

iwa was actually a little jealous of oikawa since the two of you were closer and he developed a puppy crush on you 🥺

the two of you were around 8 and iwa still held the crush he had since he was 5 - yes he didn’t give it away surprisingly (since he was a child)

so one day, when the both of you were playing and oikawa had planted a kiss on your head cuz he was feeling all confident iwa got jealous

“me and [y/n] are married stupidkawa!! you can’t do that!”

you just went along with it and told oikawa he had cooties LMAO

“Oh my god, you will not believe what I just remembered” Oikawa exclaims, hands clutching at his alien themed pillow. The three of you usually had sleepovers, even at your older age, and Oikawa usually hosted them since his house was bigger.

The three of you were perched on his bed dressed in your pajamas. You and Iwa were leaning against his beds headboard and Oikawa was laying further down the bed, leaning against the wall beside his bed.

“Your brain works?” You tease, chucking lightly as Oikawa dismissively sticks his tongue out at you. Iwa sniggers at your fast witted comment, even going as far to ruffle your hair.

“Yes.” Oikawa deadpans “But, seriously, remember when we were kids and Iwa-chan got jealous because I-I kissed you and he said- he said you two were married!” Oikawa howls with laughter at his own words, barely able to even spew the sentence before he clutches at his stomach to stabilise himself.

Your eyebrow raises, watching as Oikawa laughs to himself. Iwaizumi states dismissively too, arms crossing along his chest.

“We flamed you after that, Tōru” You state, remembering the relentless teasing that both you and Iwa inflicted on the poor boy.

“Plus, we’re dating..Iwa gave me an actual promise ring” you point at the ring on your finger (which was way too expensive for your liking) which reflects under the dim lighting in Oikawa’s room.

Oikawa pouts, laughter seizing as he sees his plan to fluster the two of you didn’t go through “You’re both boring”

— akaashi k.

akaashi didn’t have a lot of friends when he was younger

so you were really his only proper friend,, so he’s find himself with you most of the time

a lot of the time the two of you would play in the public park or at his house

and you two would usually play volleyball since akaashi liked it and you enjoyed it too

he hadn’t really thought snout his feelings for you since he thought they were normal to have towards a close friend

but one day you got quite jealous of all of the other (mainly girls) people who would flock to akaashi

so you simply told them that you two were married so they couldn’t take him away from you

akaashi, like kenma, just went with it

“Bokuto-san, what are you doing?” You ask as you watch the two-toned ace feverishly flick through your childhood memorabilia. He smiles as he comes across old photos of you and his new ‘bestie’ Akaashi; cooing as he looks at the tiny baby shoes that used to for your small feet.

The two boys had came over to study for a test but along the way Bokuto had become distracted and noticed the shiny box on your bedside table. He was more of a magpie than an owl at the moment, diving towards the shiny items rather than the dull items.

“What’s this?” He holds a poorly written letter between his index finger and thumb, staring at the crooked writing on the lined paper. It’s a little crumbled, plastered with stickers and has a massive love heart on the back. You flush as you realise what letter it is, the letter you gave to akaashi to sign if he wanted to marry you.

Bokuto squeals, jumping up and allowing the box to fall recklessly onto your bed. He practically screams as he swings the old piece of paper around.

“You’re married!” He seems more excited than confused, almost acting as if the two of you were actually married.

“Bokuto” Akaashi starts “If you keep this quiet from the rest of the team I’ll do even more serves for you tomorrow”

Bokuto jumps in excitement, the old piece of paper forgotten as he animatedly thanks his friend in advance. You can’t believe that you had forgot to take the little piece of paper out of the box since you had already thought about Bokuto finding it.

However, you can’t help but smile. That was how Akaashi asked you out in first year, reactating the letter you had made in childhood.

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thefanficmonster · 3 years

Text

An Impostor In Love

Sequel to ‘Love For The Faceless’ (’Body Reveal’)

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: Swearing (maybe)

Genre: Fluff

Summary: Rae can’t stay mad at her best friends forever. Them being absolutely adorable doesn’t help her ‘pissed off’ act either. Y/N’s outing Corpse like she’s a human lie detector. Corpse is gushing about her every second word that comes out of his mouth. And the rest of the lobby are getting one hell of a kick out of the Among Us romantic comedy - An Impostor In Love

Requested but, once again, not in a typical way. I honestly wasn’t expecting all the positive feedback I got for Love For The Faceless (Body Reveal). I was star-struck! You guys are so amazing I have no words to describe just how much I love you all! Thank you for everything! This story is for all of you 🥰🥰🥰

“Mr. and Mrs. ‘Totally not dating’ have entered the call!“ Sean announces when I hop into the Discord call to play Among Us with the usual gang. I hear Corpse’s laugh from down the hall, bringing a smile to my face.

We’ve gotten used to playing in this arrangement, a few rooms away from each other, ever since we moved in together - Corpse is in his recording room and I am in our shared bedroom. When one dies, they go in the other’s room to troll them. I’m usually the one dead, but that’s besides the point.

“Hi everyone!“ I say in my typical cheery tone before kicking it done a few notches, making it an octave deeper just to say: “Hi Rae.”

The whole lobby laughs, they all know what I’m trying to do here. Everyone’s aware this is the first time Rae is in the same call and lobby as Corpse and I after you-know-which incident. Sure, I’ve been poking sticks at her, waving a white flag and admitting I was wrong several times by now. Who knew my sweetheart best friend could act so cold? I know it’s a front. I know she’s fighting to stay mad. There’s a ton of pressure on her to finally forgive us, but she’s been holding up better than I would be if I were in her situation.

I honestly felt, and still feel, slightly guilty. I know best friends are supposed to tell each other everything. They are supposed to be the first ones to know whatever’s going on in each other’s lives. And I know I broke one of the main rules of friendships, but the decision wasn’t only mine to make. I’m sure she understands where I’m coming from, she’s just giving me and Corpse a hard time.

“Hello, Y/N.” She replies, her tone strictly formal.

“Progress, people! Progress!“ I say joyously, the smile turning into a grin

“Don’t worry, babe. We’ll get her eventually.“ Corpse reassures me as he’s done for the past week or two. He knew I wasn’t as unbothered by Rae’s anger towards me as I tried to appear - a pro and simultaneously a con of living with someone: they pick up on everything about you. You become as familiar to them as the back of their hand.

“I know, I know.“ I giggle, “She’ll cave.“

“Yeah, good luck with that.“ Rae has dropped the formal tone, now sounding like a stubborn child which is something I’m way more familiar with. I’ve dealt with her tantrums and childish outbursts - I don’t know which number it is, but it’s somewhere in the rule book of friendships - and I at least the approximate meaning behind it.

Ken puts an end to our friendly, stick-poking, sorta one-sided banter, ushering us to start the game. We all oblige, muting our mics and getting our heads in the game as though we’re about to enter an actual warzone with upmost stealth.

To my dismay, the screen flashes ‘Crewmate’. I head out of cafeteria to do my task in Weapons, staying weary of anyone within my proximity. Once I’m done, I head on down to Shields and complete my task there as well. I cringe when I’m done, knowing my last three tasks are in Electrical. Like, the fuck kind of luck do I have?

I make my way through the halls, running into Sykkuno and we circle around each other a few times to show we’re safe before we each continue our own way. I enter Electrical and.....oh Felix is dead. And oh lookie who’s right there...

I report the body before the impostor can and we all unmute our mics.

“Found him in Electrical.“ I say nonchalantly, “Didn’t see anyone in there though.“

“Anyone sus?“ Sean asks

We say our ‘no’s and ‘I don’t know’s and skip the vote. I’m smirking to myself as I head back down to Electrical. Walking in, I see the same person as before - Rae. I stop dead in my tracks and we just stare at each other for a few seconds before she comes towards me, circling me twice, bumping visors with me and venting out of the room.

“You’re welcome.“ I mumble, smiling widely.

I finish my tasks and leave Electrical just as Corpse enters our bedroom, giving me this tired-parent look like he’s half disappointed and half amused. “You just threw the game, didn’t you? Don’t lie.” He raises his eyebrows, fully adopting his parent role.

I giggle, shaking my head, sending him the briefest of glances before my eyes fixate on the screen in utter shock - Sean just killed me. Oh, for fuck’s sake...

“I was gonna come clean eventually, but I guess they won’t hear it from me now.“ I shrug, lifting my laptop and setting it aside so Corpse can join me on the bed. I snuggle up to him immediately, drawn to him as though he’s a human magnet.

“Who was it?“ He asks me, running his hands through my hair in a soothing manner.

I frown, pulling away from his chest to look him in the eyes, “Wait, how did you know I threw the game if you don’t know who I threw it for?”

He smirks, shrugging, “I didn’t know. You were smiling downright evilly when I came in so I just assumed.” He boops my nose. “And you ratted yourself out.”

I narrow my eyes at him, blowing some air out my nose - a gesture that has become my only way of showing anger towards him. I literally can’t even voice when I’m upset with him cause the grudge lasts like .5 seconds. I let him get away with more than he should.

Seeing as how I can’t argue to his statement, I lean back into his chest and pull out my phone to pass the time while I pretend to give him the silent treatment. Among my notifications is one for Rae’s stream. I smile and tap it, being taken to her YouTube channel and her live stream.

Just when the stream loads, Rae finds my dead body in Storage.

“Oh, nooooooo! Y/N!“ She wines as she goes over to it, “Sean must’ve killed her.” She reports the body and unmutes herself in game, “The body’s in Storage. I was on my way to call an emergency meeting cause I saw Sean vent in Security.”

“WHAT?!“ Sean exclaims in shock, “I didn’t! Rae’s lying. I swear I didn’t! I wasn’t even in Security!“

“Sean has been following me around this whole time. Just saying.“ Ken joins the discussion, throwing even more suspicion on Sean.

“We gotta vote someone.“ Charlie says, “Might as well be the most sus person at the moment.“

The voting results show all the little astronaut icons on Sean except his which is on Rae. Sean gets launched into space and the game continues. Having muted her mic in-game, Rae speaks up: “Y/N has been avenged. No one kills my best friend.”

I’m staring at my phone screen, eyes wide, eyebrows raised, a huge smile on my face. I take a glance at Corpse out of the corner of my eye and see he’s just as pleasantly surprised as I am.

“For those of you asking if I’m still mad at her and Corpse, the answer’s no. Actually, I think I was never mad. I was just in shock and a little hurt that I wasn’t made aware sooner.“ Rae says as she keeps wandering around the map, “Then I realized not talking to my best friend hurt more than the betrayal, you know. The only reason I still pretend is because it’s really funny to see her trying to soften me up.“ She laughs, “But yeah. I don’t know what I’d do without her or Corpse in my life. I love them both and love them even more together. My best friends are dating, I still can’t wrap my brain around that! They are sooo cute, you guys! I wish they posted more content of them together. I’m literally simping over their relationship! But shh, don’t tell em I said that.”

I laugh, overjoyed by what I just heard. I knew she couldn’t still be mad at us. I know she has every right to be, but she’s too sweet to actually hold a grudge against anyone ever.

I suddenly want nothing more than to give her an enormous hug and hold onto her for as long as she’d let me. I just now realize how lonely it feels to have never hugged your best friend because you haven’t hung out together in person. The only reason Rae now knows what I look like is because I sent her a full body picture of myself as one of my sad attempts to get her to start talking to us again. We have never met in person, and that thought kills me. It makes me impatient for this pandemic to end even more than before.

“Told you there was nothing to worry about.“ Corpse’s arms tighten their hold on my body, pulling me even closer which I didn’t know was possible. The most fulfilling and endearing feeling - being in the arms of a loved one. Being held so close and so tightly that you feel like you’re untouchable. Like you two can’t be hurt by anything in the world as long as you have each other.

“Yeah, you were right.“ I sigh in content, putting my phone down and covering his hands with mine, our rings clinking quietly when they touch.

“As usual...“ he whispers theatrically with his lips against my hair.

I playfully roll my eyes, catching glimpse of the screen showing Rae’s demise.

“Oh no, they caught her.“ I say, a bit disappointed she didn’t win and more than a bit responsible for her defeat.

I somehow manage to convince myself to get untangled from Corpse’s embrace and join the new round. I hear him groan as I settle my computer in my lap, unmuting my mic.

“See ya, kitten.“ Corpse kisses my temple, standing up.

“Oh my God, you two are too cute.“ Poki says sweetly, having heard what Corpse said to me.

“SIMP!“ Sean and Felix shout in unison causing the whole lobby to laugh. Corpse is as red as Rae’s avatar as he exists our room, running down the hallway.

“Ok, ok, ok. Hold on. I have to address this. I really hadn’t stepped foot in Security, let alone vented in there. Rae why were you lying?“ Sean’s voice cuts through the teasing directed towards Corpse and I.

“While we’re on that topic...“ Felix speaks up as well, making me break out in a nervous sweat, “Y/N, you literally saw Rae kill me, but you said you didn’t see anyone.“ He laughs, “Not gonna lie, I was a bit pissed.“

The call falls silent for about five seconds until Rae and I speak simultaneously.

“I was avenging Y/N.“

“I was helping Rae.“

Silence follows our statements, not for long though, as our friends break out in amused laughter.

“Fuck’s sake, you two make a good team.“ Sean says through genuine laughter which Rae and I soon join him in.

Felix and Sean and the rest of the lobby forgive us for throwing the game from both the crewmate and impostor’s side and we move onto another round. This time I have only one task in Electrical which I leave for last as always. I don’t feel like dying right from the get-go. I start by doing the card swipe in Admin and then the fuel task in Storage. As I make my way to Upper Engine, Corpse leaves Electrical, falling in step with me. I immediately get nervous, but still make my way to where I’m supposed to go, hoping he’d go his own way eventually.

I stay wary of my boyfriend as I do my task, praying he won’t take my head off. When the task is finished, I find I’m trapped in the room with the doors shut. And Corpse right there. With every right and opportunity to kill me and vent. No one would know. No one saw us.

That nervous sweat is back.

I’m counting my last seconds of being alive.

And it happens...

A body is reported

“Oh than you so so so much! Corpse was gonna kill me in Upper Engine!“ I don’t let the person who reported the body speak, thanking them for my survival. “I was sure I was a goner.“

“Babe, come on now. You know I wouldn’t kill you even if I was an impostor. I love you too much.“ Corpse hurries to defend himself, “I’m following you around to keep you safe.“

I can tell he’s capping, but I have no concrete proof. He knows I’m onto him. His best bet is having me killed by the other impostor. He might have been capping the majority of his defense, but I know he won’t kill me.

“I’ll vote for myself because of that one.“ I mumble

The vote is skipped except the one vote I placed on myself and the round continues. I follow Corpse around the whole time, making sure he’s completing tasks - not that I can be 100% certain he’s actually completing them.

All is well until we walk into Admin and find Felix there, uploading data. Corpse, dead-ass, goes up to him and kills him, reporting the body right afterwards.

“IT’S CORPSE!“ I don’t give him a chance to start his brainwashing of the rest of the players. “Felix, this is my redemption for leaving your death unavenged last round.“

“Yeah, it’s me.“ Corpse laughs, that adorable laugh of his melting me despite the need to stay strong and carry out my argument, “Just vote me out so I can go troll Y/N.“

“Sounds like a plan to me.“ Ken says, the remainder of the crewmates, and the impostor probably, agreeing with him.

The votes are put in, all on Corpse obviously, and he is sent off into space. Not even five seconds later I hear his footsteps approaching.

I look up when he pops his head in the room and says, “I have come to annoy you to death with my love for you.”

I can’t help but laugh, shaking my head. The things this man does to me are insane. It’s insane that I let him.

It’s amazing, really. We’re amazing.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I pat the spot on the bed next to me, “I’ll allow it. But only cause I love you too.”

@susceptible-but-siriusexual @simonsbluee @save-the-sky @hacker-ghost @itsminniekat @bi-andready-tocry @imtiredaffff @jazzkaurtheglorious @hereforbeebo @fandomgirl17 @chrysanthykios @maehemscorpyus @loraleiix @letsloveimagines @annshit @i-cant-choose-a-username-help @enigmaticmaze @divine-artemis

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