#cause these disorders are caused by abuse and if you really wanted people with a pd to get help you probably shouldnt make it harder. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thebibliosphere · 1 month

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Whenever I talk about the medical neglect and ableism I've encountered as a victim of the healthcare system, there's always some cockwaffle who feels entitled to come into my inbox and make the argument of "not all doctors" while talking about how "people like them" (because it's always someone in a field of medicine who does this) are doing their best and it's really hard because so many people fake being ill to get on welfare (Yikes), but like, yeah, obviously #not all doctors, because if all doctors were negligent, bullying scum bags, I'd be dead.

But here's the thing: while I truly believe that the majority of doctors are doing their best in a system stacked against them and their patients, their presence does not negate the mass harm caused by the bad ones. And there are far more bad ones than you realize.

Fuck, John Oliver literally did a segment on this last week:

youtube

Yes, the truly bad, malicious doctors are in the minority. Most are just horrifically burned out and fighting a losing battle against a system, killing both them and their patients through a lack of funding and resources and profound overwork.

But the malicious ones do exist, and they will go out of their way to harm patients who don't kowtow to them.

I almost lost my life because when I was in my early twenties, I told a doctor I didn't think she was listening to me, and I disagreed with her assessment of my mental health (she was not a mental health doctor, and I was there for heart palpitations and chronic pain). She retaliated by putting "non-compliant" in my file.

There was also a fun little "doesn't show respect" note too that lives rent-free in my head because I know I wasn't rude. I was polite. I just didn't agree with her, and my refusal to accept her off-handed comment that "you probably have bipolar or BPD" (again, I was there for heart palpitations and chronic pain) meant I was "refusing care."

I wasn't. I just refused to be slapped with a mood/personality disorder when I was there because I kept fucking fainting when I stood up.

(Spoiler alert: it was dysautonomia)

That "non-compliant" marker followed me around for years. It followed me across an ocean and effectively ensured that any doctor I saw was going to treat me like absolute dogshit because no one wants to help Difficult Patients. It wasn't until I was so undeniably ill, literally on the brink of death, that anyone helped me.

I'm alive because of a good doctor. And all the good ones that came after him because of him.

So, I know they exist. You don't have to tell me that.

But I really fucking need you to acknowledge the bad ones and that you're part of a system with a long, long history of abusing minorities and vulnerable people. I need you to acknowledge that because it's the only way we're going to survive this godforsaken nightmare and make things better.

So yeah, #notalldoctors, but if you feel the need to say that because someone talking about being literally left to die by the medical system hurts your feelings, I'm going to have to ask you to take a step back and ask yourself if you're going into medicine for the right reasons.

Namely: do you want to help people, even the "difficult" ones?

Even the ones who might disagree with you?

Even if they're on welfare?

Even if they'll never get "better" in a way that means "cured"?

Just a thought. But hey, what do I know. I'm just someone who experienced hemolytic anemia because doctors kept telling me I was anxious and needed to exercise more 🤷‍♀️.

#chronic health tag #medical abuse #medical neglect #medical #ableism #to all the good health care workers who follow me and leave supportive comments: I appreciate you so much #but you need to come get your fellow drs #and idk #give 'em a shake or something #Youtube

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aplpaca · 1 year

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thinking about how I've seen OCD get talked about now, but haven't really seen many posts that actually explain what it is. And like, obviously people shouldn't get all their info about mental conditions from posts, but u can't deny that internet communities and stuff play a major role in people recognizing and putting names to their own experiences.

But like since the general public has like absolutely no idea of what OCD actually is (no thanks to popular media), and a lot of things I see talking about intrusive thoughts don't mention OCD (either bc they originated in OCD circles or bc intrusive thoughts aren't Exclusive to OCD or for some other reason), there should prob be more explanation put out on what OCD actually consists of.

Which is kinda hard in some ways, bc there are so many ways OCD can present in terms of what "themes" a person experiences, so someone talking about what their themes are might not ring a bell with someone who experiences different ones. But like, the core thing with OCD isn't the presence of certain themes, it's a specific pattern of spiraling thoughts and reactions.

Like. OCD is a mental condition/illness where people experience stressful, unwanted, repetitive thoughts. These are intrusive thoughts are what make up the "obsessions" part of the disorder. In response to these intrusive thoughts, a lot of people will perform certain actions or think certain things in an attempt to neutralize or disprove the threat they represent. These are the "compulsions" part of the condition.

For a more "traditional" example, someone experiencing intrusive thoughts that they might catch a communicable disease may obsessively wash their hands or google their symptoms to try to lessen the anxiety. While someone who is worried they might hurt someone (even though they very much do not want to hurt someone) may avoid being near sharp objects or may avoid the people they're afraid of hurting.

One of the issues with OCD is that performing the compulsions provides short term relief, but in the long term it only strengthens the stress caused by the intrusive thoughts, thus furthering the thought spiral and actively making it worse, to the point where, depending on your themes, you may be (almost) convinced that your intrusive thoughts represent the truth or the inevitable or something permanent.

Intrusive thought themes cam be literally anything, but some of the common ones are stuff like

Questioning your sexuality, gender, etc (what if I'm actually straight/gay/bi/trans/cis/etc?)

Being worried about losing control and hurting yourself or others physically, sexually, emotionally, basically any way (what if I want to kill someone? What if I'm a pedophile? What if I'm an abuser? What if I want to stab myself? Etc)

Fear of becoming or being sick

Worrying something bad will happen to you or people you care about

Worrying about your spiritual beliefs or lack thereof (what if I'm actually Christian? What if I'm actually atheist? What if i don't believe in the faith i ascribe to? Etc)

Worrying about relationship status (what if I don't actually love them? What if they're not "the one"? What if they're cheating? What if *I'm* cheating? Etc)

What if I'm a bad person?

Fear of losing things

Fear of things not feeling right (this is often be related to other themes via magical thinking. ex: if I don't have my things organized Just Right then something bad will happen)

Fear of unreality

Compulsions vary by theme a lot obviously, but some common ones include

Hand washing

Organizing things until they Feel Right

Checking and double checking and triple checking to make sure you did something correctly

Obsessively reviewing your memories to disprove a thoughtor make sure you don't believe something

Arguing against the thoughts in an attempt to disprove them

Testing your mental reactions to a thought or to certain kinds of content, to show yourself you don't actually believe or feel something

Obsessively googling symptoms, testimonies, things related to your thoughts

Obsessive prayer

Repeating phrases, mantras, affirmations, etc in an attempt to make thoughts go away

Avoiding things and situations that set off your intrusive thoughts

Repeatedly asking for reassurance from others ("I'm not being xyz, right?")

But yeah this obviously isn't exhaustive but, just, if this kind of thing sounds familiar, you should probably do some research on OCD, bc while intrusive thoughts can occur with other conditions, the intrusive thought-compulsion spiral is the core of OCD and isn't really a subaspect of depression/anxiety/ptsd/etc. and the treatment and management of OCD can look different from other stuff, so its a good thing to look into.

(Also it's important to keep in mind, esp if you're someone that doesn't have it, that someone's intrusive thoughts Are Not "secret desires" or "repressed urges" or anything the person even remotely wants to act on. Someone having harm-related intrusive thoughts is not at risk of actually acting on them, no matter how worried they are of doing so.)

Anyway this was a long post and I don't have a neat way to wrap it up and also I accidentally added a poll and now can't get rid of it so here's free poll. I'm running on nyquil and a small amount of straight gin (which works very well at numbing a sore throat) rn gnite

#ocd #actuallyocd #actually ocd #intrusive thoughts #my hand is fuckin stiff from typing this all out on my phone rip

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mulletmitsuya · 3 months

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Tokyo Revengers Groupchat (Final Timeline)

Warnings: suggestive (i might have to change this warning to "mentions of sexual content" bcs it's too tame of a warning for the stuff that's actually in here), swearing, the word "pedophile" is mentioned, mentions of substance abuse

Desc: Everyone finds out Takemitchy and Mikey are time leapers, which leads to some...interesting questions

Mitsuya: so let me get this straight

Mitsuya: you're a time traveler, and you've lived dozens of timelines to prevent Hina from dying but she kept dying anyway but then when you got to one where she didn't die, Mikey was some deranged criminal lord and was miserable and depressed and tried to kill himself so you had to go back in time again to make sure everything was fixed but ended up dying while fighting Mikey but then somehow you both went back in time and rewrote all of our entire lives??

Takemitchy: yeah...

Baji: cap

Mikey: it's not

Mitsuya: so Mikey's a time traveler too?

Mikey: yeah it's crazy i know

Draken: do you guys have any way to prove this?

Chifuyu: this explains why i keep getting random visions of me in alternate universes. holy shit

Haruchiyo: weird ass prank

Takemitchy: i think it happened since you're close to me and we basically did everything together. i'm not sure

Inupi: we're just gonna believe this?

Koko: wait, i kind of do

Kisaki: this...defies all logic of anything ever.

Mikey: shut up Kisaki

Mikey: i'm sorry it's just that in ever other timeline you've ruined my life so it's difficult to be nice to you sometimes

Kisaki: so you don't like me because of something i did in another universe?

Takemitchy: *timeline

Mikey: yeah. my bad

Baji: i'm gonna entertain this cause i'm bored but what was i like in other timelines

Mikey: dead

Baji: ...all of em?

Mikey: yeah, it kinda drove me to insanity

Baji: damn

Baji: why?

Mikey: you killed yourself to save Kazutora

Baji: what was the context

Mikey: long story

Baji: there wasn't any other way?

Mikey: you're kinda pissing me off cause that's what i was wondering, actually

Baji: damn

Kazutora: thanks man. appreciate it🙏

Kazutora: i'll slobber on your meat later, as a proper thank you

Baji: i'd appreciate that. thanks homie🙌

Koko: what about me?

Baji: you wanna slobber on my meat? i mean i won't stop you. as long as i can call you kitten.

Koko: ...i was talking about me in alternate universe's😐

Takemitchy: i don't think we should go there guys. there's too many timelines, and not everything was exactly the same. and also in general it was a really traumatizing experience for me and i kind of want to end my life every time i think about it

Hanma: womp womp. what about me???

Mikey: murderer

Hanma: YESSSSS 😭😭😭😭😭

Hanma: THANK GOD, I KNEW IF I COULDN'T DO IT HERE, MULTIVERSE ME WOULD HAVE LIVED THE DREAM

Hanma: are me and Tetta-san together in every universe

Mikey: surprisingly, yes

Hanma: and he denies we're soulmates😔

Kisaki: i will not hesitate to get another restraining order

Hanma: a piece of paper won't stand in my way. let's get married

Kisaki: i will call the police

Draken: guys are we really entertaining this?

Mikey: you went to jail in one of the timelines and you were bald LMAO

Draken: sure

Baji: why'd he go to jail?

Mikey: these guys killed Emma and Ken-chin took revenge

Baji: respectable

Mikey: he was given a death sentence

Baji: that's tough fr

Ran: i'm kinda curious

Ran: humour me, what was i like?? was i famous?

Mikey: you were a criminal. killed people

Ran: sounds about right if i'm being honest

Ran: and Haruchiyo and Rindou?

Haruchiyo: leave me out of Takemitchy's psychotic episodes

Haruchiyo: i think you have a hallucination/delusion disorder or something

Mikey: but don't you believe me?

Haruchiyo: ...

Haruchiyo: Mikey, you're also pretty mentally ill

Mikey: says you???

Haruchiyo: i just have substance abuse problems and i'm getting clean so...

Mikey: GUYS I'M TELLING THE TRUTH I SWEAR

Mikey: I'VE BEEN GOING CRAZY KEEPING THIS A SECRET

Draken: when was the last time you slept?

Mikey: ☹️

Baji: guys just play pretend.

Rindou: what about me?

Mikey: same as your brother just uh, less gay and slutty?

Rindou: story of my life

Inupi: you didn't do Koko

Mikey: criminal

Koko: the whole time?

Mikey: yeah

Mikey: Inupi got normal at some point because he and Ken-chin got close and they fixed bikes together and had sex

Inupi: Draken????

Draken: you're really starting to piss me off.

Mikey: Akane died in the fire though like she was BURNT

Takemitchy: uh Mikey-kun...

Mikey: she was a crisp i'm telling you

Mikey: Inupi you had an ugly red scar on your face and no one wanted you

Mikey: Izana i know you're reading this, you were fucking insane dude like you killed Emma for some fucking reason then Kisaki shot you 3 times in the chest and you died while having a really bad mental breakdown. it was a major L on your part

Chifuyu: Mikey why are you leaving out the fact that the common denominator in every single timeline was that you killed every single one of your friends in the most brutal ways possible🤨?

Mikey: no comment

Smiley: how'd he kill me?

Chifuyu: uhhh

Chifuyu: Takemitchy help me out here

Takemitchy: i don't want to talk about it😐

Chifuyu: I REMEMBER

Chifuyu: backshot

Smiley: ...

Smiley: he killed me by giving me backshots..?

Smiley: i would NEVER take it from behind

Smiley: especially from MIKEY

Smiley: small dick having ass

Smiley: my bootyhole is not to be messed with

Smiley: i'm so pissed off right now holy shit

Smiley: how did i even die???? dick so good it killed me?

Smiley: i'm so angry

Angry: and i'm Smiley😂

Baji: 3/10 joke 👎, poor delivery, fell flat

Smiley: i hope you kill yourself, Mikey

Mikey: trust me, i've tried

Chifuyu: ???

Chifuyu: he shot you in the back with a gun?

Chifuyu: what's wrong with you

Smiley: oh my bad i though you meant like, he was taking me doggy style

Smiley: i'm no bottom

Ran: what is happening

Chifuyu: i'm moving on😐

Chifuyu: Hakkai was tied to a chair and burnt to death

Hakkai: wha-

Hakkai: WHAT DID I DO??

Hakkai: jesus 😟

Chifuyu: why am i getting all these memories, i'm freaking out

Hakkai: Mikey please tell me what i did to deserve that ☹️

Mikey: idk Hakkai i was going through a lot

Draken: have you been diagnosed with anything?

Mikey: i don't need a diagnosis bcs i'm fine now, you're all alive and i don't have any murderous intent!!! yippee🤗

Mikey: isn't this great Takemitchy??

Takemitchy: well, yeah no ones dead so that's great

Izana: this is obviously completely fabricated

Izana: are you guys that bored?

Senju: man for all that time traveling you sure are a shit boyfriend😭

Takemitchy: how????

Takemitchy: did Hina say that☹️??

Senju: it's an observation

Senju: you've had way too many coincidental close calls with other woman💀

Draken: yeah you pissed me off when you thought i was gifting you a prostitute. you had a whole ass girlfriend. shame on you

Senju: and you also almost slept with Emma and you "don't remember"

Smiley: Mitchy's low-key funny as hell because what do you mean you stripped yourself and another girl down to your underwear by accident

Baji: wouldn't Takemitchy be a pedophile then?? Emma was 13 dawg🤨

Mikey: he was 14 though😭

Baji: you're gonna ride Takemitchy's dick to defend him from trying to sleep with your 13 year old sister??? crazy

Baji: wasn't be mentally 26🤨?

Baji: bro i'm gonna beat your ass actually

Mikey: hmm

Mikey: you know what Mitchy, why did you do that 🤨?

Smiley: LMFAOO

Mitsuya: why did i come back to Takemitchy facing pedophile allegations, like what's going on right now

Kazutora: is it not enough that he changed the space and time continuum just to be with his girl?

Kazutora: cheating this cheating that, my boy deserves all the pussy he wants

Kazutora: he's been beaten, shot, stabbed AND killed

Kazutora: i personally believe he's the goat

Baji: ?

Chifuyu: goat is an acronym for "greatest of all time", Baji-san

Baji: what's an acronym

Chifuyu: i'll dm

Kazutora: bro you're so fucking stupid😭

Draken: i don't care if he was skinned alive by an orangutan, there's no excuse to cheat on someone

Rindou: i think being skinned alive by an orangutang warrants having more than one girl. idk that's just me tho

Ran: not the point that's being made rn

Rindou: what exactly is the point that's being made

Rindou: is this real. are we being serious.

Rindou: i don't think i get the joke

Haruchiyo: i think we should all stop talking now

Mikey: Mitchy we need to talk a bit

Takemitchy: i told you this was a bad idea

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astroscientia · 1 year

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🌊Neptune in the Houses🌊

1st house:

You choose how to act and project yourself to others based on the subconscious cues that you acquire from them. Your identity is often based on how others see you and talk about it. There is a degree of loss when it comes to self-expression- the unheard child learns to perform to express identity.

2nd house:

Poor with managing, organizing, and structuring finances and possessions. Overly generous with resources. Might make money in nefarious ways if Neptune is poorly aspected. More positively, these natives might profit from pharmacology, marine biology, medicine, or NGO work.

3rd house:

The local environment has a Piscean element. Early school years also were characterized by daydreaming and escaping from learning. The loss of a sibling to unknown or sudden causes is likely in some cases (depending on the aspects). It could suggest that your siblings/cousins/classmates that are close to you are artists, singers, or dreamers. In a negative sense, this might attract escapist friends with a heavy victim mentality.

4th house:

Issues with water, pipes, and flooding in the home. Home near bodies of water. Your mother or a potent female figure in your life might be sick and require care from you or your family members. In this case, the gist is that the family might cause you to feel neglected and forgotten, making you want to escape the domestic setting through art or physical separation. These natives are quite nocturnal- they sleep all day and stay up all night to avoid their families in some cases.

5th house:

Death of children. Loss of lovers to illness, substance abuse, prison, crime, or mental disorders. Lovers might be absent while present either because of their own commitments to helping someone old/vulnerable or through escapism (drugs, sex, alcohol, etc) or poor health.

6th house:

Watch out for the immune system. Habits and routines might not express a desire for a person to live well. Poor habits. Disorganized. No discipline and routine when it comes to eating, working, exercising and taking care of oneself at the bodily level. Neglected as a child and did not learn to properly care for themselves.

7th house:

Attracted to partners that aren't really "there." This sense of absence in presence can be because of the following things: frequent travels, substance abuse, prison, mental illness, philanthropic work that takes the person's time, religious fidelity, etc. You might "lose" a partner to their vices and blame yourself for it.

8th house:

Potential for misunderstandings in transactions (financial) with others. Deception when it comes to money that you get from others. There is vagueness and gullibility when perceiving people's sexual or financial advances toward us. Be careful of who you let into your life sexually or romantically.

9th house:

Confusion regarding beliefs, higher education, and vision for the future. If in university, the campus might be located near water, or you might study subjects related to the pharmaceutical industry, oil, gas, pharmacology, parasitology, virology, marine studies, psychology, or you might enter esoteric fields (astrology, tarot, etc.) or you might study theology.

10th house:

Confusion about future and career. Fear tied to career prospects and the father. The father might have been absent or neglectful which manifests in an inability to be stable in a job.

11th house:

Friends slip through your fingers. We may need clarification about our hopes and life goals because Neptune here makes our ideals changeable. So, our vision for life is usually mutable and influenced by external forces that people rarely have the self-awareness to explore. This is also a highly intuitive placement.

12th house:

This is a good placement because Neptune is comfortable in the 12th house. Intuition is good. Sleep is very essential for you. Heightened motivation to get to know yourself through self-reflection, meditation, and spirituality, and project these learnings to heighten your empathy.

Thank you for reading!

#astrology #astrological observations #neptune #neptune in the 1st house #neptune in the 2nd house #neptune in the 3rd house #neptune in the 4th house #neptune in the 5th house #neptune in the 6th house #neptune in the 7th house #neptune in the 8th house #neptune in the 9th house #neptune in the 10th house #neptune in the 11th house #neptune in the 12th house

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alostlittleriverlotus · 1 month

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what also gets me about people being so adamant about using the word "narcissist" or some form of it to describe shitty people is...there are other words. I was just watching a drew gooden video and he said "If you knowingly take part in something that has the potential to put other people in harm's way and you still do it cause it's kind of fun for you, you are selfish and you suck." (It's the gender reveal party.)

Just seeing how many commentary YouTubers, especially more leftist ones that talk about the heavier side of things like misogynists and seeing them use the term narcissistic or delusional is just. We HAVE other words we can use! We HAVE USED other words for years before narcissistic became a big trend to say and narcissistic abuse really ramped up as a pop psychology trend.

It is literally SO easy to use other words. You can Google similar words. Selfish, self centered, self righteous, egotistical, arrogant, entitled. One of the best words I find is probably entitled. Because a lot of bigots and misogynists and shit that usually get delusional and narcissistic thrown at them are really more self centered, arrogant, and entitled. Self interested, self obsessed. Especially since for abusers, misogynists, other shitty people, the entitled comes from the fact it is NORMALIZED!!!!! It is not a bunch of narcissists harming people, it is a society, a world, that has normalized this behaviour. They are entitled, they are abusive, they are selfish, they are cruel. There are so many OTHER WORDS to describe your abuse, to describe shitty people. Just call them abusers or bigots for fucks sake. And even if some delusional people may get roped into it cause they're vulnerable, typically it is a lot of people who are INTENTIONALLY doing it. It is normalized, it is allowed!

All we narcissists ask is that you not use a word that demonizes us. "There's a difference" yet other people say there isn't, other people say NPD isn't even fucking real, other people say pwNPD ARE abusive. If we used any kind of other word for the more "talked about" disorders, there would be a problem. We ask that you change it, we ask that you use other words, we ask that you not further add to the stigma. The same stigma that BPD deals with, that autistic people deal with, that any neurodivergent person deals with. The stigma and demonization is something ALL neurodivergencies have fucking faced!!! It may have moved away from demonization for a lot of disorders, but there ARE people that DO still believe it.

We fucking ask you literally use any other word. And you refuse to. You refuse to listen to us. You refuse to believe us when we tell you the harm it has and how it actually prevents us from finding resources. You say "of course a narcissist would want that." You see it as an attack on you and your trauma. You are throwing trauma victims at risk of abuse under the bus because you want to feel vindicated in your own trauma. You completely ignore any critical thinking of what we say to turn it against us, to ignore us, to bring up your own trauma as a defense point. Yes, you were abused by someone and it is terrible that happened. So were we!!! My abusive mom probably has NPD, but it did not affect the abuse I faced, it only add strains in our relationship outside of the abuse that still affect us to this day.

It is SO easy to find another word, to literally just listen to us, to not throw us under the same fucking bus. To not group us in with abusers and rapists and child sex offenders and murderers. Would you fucking like to be compared to your abuser? Pretty sure you fucking wouldn't. So why is it okay to do to us?

Some people will never listen. No matter what I say, it does not matter. As with any kind of thinking along these lines. But for those that are still reachable, please. Listen to us. And what would you even do if you found yourself having NPD traits? Wouldn't it be terrifying to see that in yourself? Because I sure as hell thought it was. It made me hate myself and further believe that I could NEVER do any wrong because I wasn't like my narcissistic abusers and worsened my relationship difficulties. A fair bit of narcissists on here had also fallen into that same hole. It doesn't heal you. It keeps you angry, scared, upset. It makes you want to hurt them back. And that will not heal you. It'll keep you defensive. It's keeping you in a victim mentality and preventing healing.

To the ones that ARE reachable, I hope you can learn something from my posts, from posts I reblog, or from any other posts. It starts with narcissists and "psychopaths" (antisocials), but it is the same place the stigma of every neurodivergency and mental disorder stems from. It's why other disorders may still get demonization from some ableists. That a lot of autistic experiences were based around how it affected OTHER PEOPLE like "think of their mom having that autistic kid :(" it is not anything new. It is the same ableism and stigma. It is less demonized for other disorders now, focusing more on treating it as no big deal, ignoring the actual difficult symptoms of such disorders (like if you have poor hygiene, people will judge you regardless), or even infantilization. There IS still stigma, but the stigma was once the same as us, demonization. It comes from the same place. It's things said about other disorders still today even if it is rarer. It's just more well known for the "scary" personality and psychotic disorders since there is a big push to destigmatize things like depression, anxiety, OCD, autism.

Do not throw us under the bus. It will do nothing. It is the same fucking stigma, the same fucking arguments. Like gay people throwing trans people under the bus, they're called the same things even if it seems like they aren't. It comes from the same bigotry, the same place of hatred.

It is not new, it is not different, it just is more common for personality disorders, psychotic disorders, and schizospec disorders. So when we bring up these things, mention how using the term directly associated with a disorder in the DSM V and how it prevents us getting help, how using the term narcissistic DOES correlate to NPD, please fucking listen.

Cause nothing will ultimately benefit you for continuing down that rabbit hole. Narcissistic abuse believers don't help victims of abuse, those articles and questions don't help you heal. It keeps you angry how anyone could do that, it takes advantage of your vulnerability and desire to find meaning and logic out of it. The reality is, you may never know why or at least not until you are away from the abuse.

We are trauma victims as well. We are still at risk of abuse because of our disorder. I would genuinely stay with an abuser just for the sake of narc supply regardless of how they hurt me if I did not have a good support system. For our "toxic" traits, we cannot work on them without help and the idea of narcissistic abuse pushes stigma further which prevents us from even finding free online resources, let alone if we actually tried to seek any fucking help.

Narcissistic abuse is not real and it will never be. Please fucking include us in "mental health matters" and the push for destigmatizing disorders. We are fucking humans that need help. And even if we were all toxic and selfish hypothetically, removing the ability to find resources or get help is NOT the way to go.

Even when I believed in narcissistic abuse, I would search to find answers on why I aligned with NPD if I wasn't an abuser or a bad person. I was terrified to even suspect it despite how much attention and love and supply I needed and how that applied to the very essence of my being. Even when I examined my own actions, all I found was treating it as if they're the utter worst of humanity. Even with my toxic and unhealthy acts because I was a fucking traumatized teen with no experience for relationships of any kind especially not healthy ones, I could not find answers or help. And all that did was reassure me that I WAS the good person, that I was JUSTIFIED in my toxic desires because I was traumatized. It did not help me with my emotional regulation, it worsened it.

Even if narcissists WERE all abusers or toxic and bad, they deserve fucking help and a chance to be able to see their actions in a better light. Some people may never change, but plenty will if given resources and actual professional help. The idea of narcissistic abuse refuses that and just demonizes it and NOBODY wants to be demonized, NOBODY wants to believe they're a bad person. The term narcissistic abuse and the environment and community surrounding it is toxic. It always will be. That is inherently what it is about. It kept me terrified that someone might call me an abusive narcissist because of my emotional difficulties, that someone would take me out of context and turn me into a monster like my family had done my entire fucking life. It keeps you defensive, it keeps you scared, it keeps you mistrustful, it keeps you in those trauma responses. It does not fucking help victims find peace of mind or heal. It keeps you triggered.

Also NPD isn't just a single disorder on its own. It's comorbid or the person could be ND in other ways. BPD + NPD, it has some genetic factors so a narcissistic parent may increase likelihood you have it, there are DID systems with it. You are not just throwing people with purely ONLY NPD under the bus, but whoever else may have it that may also fall under many other categories. I'm autistic and have NPD, I'm a system with NPD, I'm schizospec and psychotic with NPD. I have ADHD and NPD. They may not be directly related and comorbid, but I do still fall under these other categories. So autistics throwing people with NPD under the bus does nothing for the narcissists that are also fucking autistic. So by throwing narcissists under the bus, you are throwing a LOT of people with that disorder that also have other forms of neurodivergency under the bus as well. And the stigma all comes from the same place anyway.

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youremyheaven · 11 days

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The Internal Corrosiveness of Venus: Venusian Women & Self Harm

TW: self harm, abuse, suicide, violence, trauma

Claire had remarked that "Venus is internally corrosive whilst externally pleasant and Mars is externally corrosive but internally pleasant". This led me down a rabbit hole to try to understand whether this "internally corrosive" nature manifests as self harm & eating disorders and unfortunately, it does. Venusian women struggle with perfectionism and are extremely self-critical. Venusian energy is HARSH. Venus natives struggle to uphold a certain standard that they subject themselves too because if I'm being honest Venus is the OG "not like other girls girl", they believe they're better than others, and tbh in many ways they probably are but this also means they put undue pressure on themselves to keep being that way.

All Venusian naks are Ugra or "fierce" in nature and while I've talked about how Venusian violence and cruelty can be directed at others in my other posts, I think its worth mentioning how Venusians can be just as cruel to themselves. This is especially true of Venusian women as women internalise their problems while men wreak external havoc (like causing wards and killing people) but there are many male Venusians who struggle internally as well.

In ancient religions, Goddesses of love also had other functions or powers that had nothing to do with love

the Egyptian Goddess Isis was the goddess of love, healing, fertility, magic, and the moon. She was the goddess of life and magic, Isis protected women and children and healed the sick.

She was a great magician, whose power transcended that of all other deities.

The Mesopotamian Goddess Ishtar is the goddess of love and sexuality, and thus, fertility; she is responsible for all life, but she is never a Mother goddess. She is also the Goddess of War.

I'm using these examples to show that the ancients had a more complex and nuanced understanding of Venusian energy. One cannot worship love without understanding that "war" is a consequence of it. Love & war are not very different from each other. When someone believes in something and is willing to die for it, we find that to be very honourable. Sometimes this belief leads men to kill others over it and depending on the cause, we describe the war as "good" or "bad" (kill a bunch of fascists and then its a "righteous" war, if you kill innocent people, then its an unholy war etc). Being at a state of war describes Venusian nature very well since Venus is also connected to royalty and if you're born into royalty, you get to live a very "exclusive" very privileged life that few get to enjoy but the stakes are also that much higher since you could be beheaded or executed or exiled and live a life that is far worse than the average person.

In this post I want to explore how this "state of war" can manifest internally in an ordinary Venusian and contribute to self harm, eating disorders and drug abuse.

Bella Hadid- Purvaphalguni Moon & Rising

Bella has admitted to smoking since she was a teenager and getting a rhinoplasty at 14. Her pro ana Tumblr from when she was a teen is infamous at this point. She has never openly spoken about it but it is widely speculated that she struggles with an eating disorder and possible drug abuse as well.

“I was the uglier sister. I was the brunette. I wasn't as cool as Gigi, not as outgoing,” she said. “That's really what people said about me.” I also feel like Venusians grow up feeling really ugly and completely unaware of their magnetism. They only really grow into their looks when they're older (obvs there are exceptions) and I think being bullied for what they have and don't have are also big themes.

Demi Lovato- Bharani Moon

Demi has spoken about struggling with self harm, eating disorders and drug abuse.

Lovato said, “growing up, I had been bullied in school,” saying she “felt like an outsider," and "like an outcast,” but then she became friends with a girl who was popular. “One day, I asked her ‘how do you have all these friends?,’” Lovato noted, and the girl asked Lovato “do you party?" Lovato explained, "She asked me, 'Do you drink?,'" with Lovato saying that this was her first experience with drugs and alcohol, adding, “we experienced a lot of stuff together, drinking and using, and growing up.” Bharani being an outcaste nakshatra resulted in Demi feeling like one growing one :(((

Taylor Swift- Purvashada Rising

Taylor opened up about her eating disorder in her documentary

Lindsay Lohan- Bharani Moon

LiLo has struggled with self harm, drug abuse and battled eating disorders

Oscar Wilde, Purvaphalguni Rising wrote The Picture of Dorian Gray

The plot goes like this : An attractive Englishman's image is captured in a painting that keeps him from ageing, when he exchanges his soul for eternal beauty. But for every sin that he commits, his image in the portrait rots.

This is a very deeply Venusian story, and very specifically Purvaphalguni esque because Purvaphalguni is the height of Venus. It can be said that its also true of Venusians in general. They are outwardly splendorous, they seem to have it all together but inwardly they tend to be inflicting wounds upon themselves in order to keep it all together.

Johnny Depp- Purvashadha Moon

He has also battled eating disorders, self harm and drug abuse.

Iggy Pop- Bharani Moon

"THERE IS EXTREME, there is legendary — and then there is Iggy Pop. Beginning in his earliest days with the Stooges taunting Ann Arbor frat boys and small town Michigan folk, Iggy made an art of excess: self-mutilation, self-exposure and self-destruction. His risky theatricality required an audience to respond, participate or get the heck out of there. And the sex and violence hardly stopped after the show was over."- this is how Rolling Stone described Iggy Pop and tbh this is a very Venusian description

In 1974, at his first solo concert dubbed The Murder of a Virgin. "Do you want to see blood?" Iggy asked the crowd, which howled affirmatively back at him. Then, at Iggy's urging, guitarist Ron Asheton, wearing a Nazi outfit, whipped Iggy repeatedly. Iggy began hurling racial epithets at a black spectator, hoping to goad the man into stabbing him with the steak knife he'd brought onstage. No luck, so he closed the set by carving an X into his chest himself.

Marilyn Manson- Purvashadha Sun

He has struggled with self harm in the past (there are images online if you're interested) and in 2013, he tried to simulate self harm on stage by holding a knife to his wrist in the middle of a performance??

Christina Ricci- Purvashadha Moon

Ricci has said she suffered from anorexia as a teenager and was sexually assaulted as a child. “There was no discussion at that time about trauma, and about recovering from those things, about PTSD,” she said. As a result, she ended up “acting out and coping in ways that weren't good."

Robert Downey Jr- Bharani Moon, Mars in Purvaphalguni

its pretty well known that RDJ was severely addicted to drugs at one point and it started when he was a child and drugs was given to him by his dad:///

Megan Fox- Purvashadha Rising

"I have body dysmorphia — I don't ever see myself the way other people see me," Fox said. "There's never a point in my life where I loved my body, never, ever." "When I was little, that was an obsession I had of, like, but I should look this way,"

‘However, at a certain point, I went through some trauma in childhood and I developed a pretty severe eating disorder and manic depression, which runs in my family, so there was definitely some wrestling with chemical imbalance going on,’ she shared.

its interesting how so many of these natives begin struggling with these issues very early in life

Colin Farrell- Purvashadha Rising, Jupiter conjunct Ketu in Bharani

While he did not say that he had cut himself when he was younger, Colin Farrell had some self-inflicting behavior during his younger days. He spoke on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and said that he used to actually enjoy pulling out huge tufts of his hair.

Pete Davidson- Purvaashadha Rising

'I used to bang my head against walls,' he admitted. 'If I couldn't deal with something -- if someone told me something sad or something I couldn't deal with I would bang my head against the wall, hoping I'd pass out because I didn't want to be in that situation because I couldn't handle that.

Melanie Lynskey- Bharani Moon

“I stopped throwing up, mostly. It took a while. But that was a big one. I had, for a very long time, been on this diet that was basically 800 calories a day, and if I ate anything over 800 calories, I would throw up,” she said. “I was never bingey. Sometimes I’d be starving, and I’d have another teacup of Special K. Then I’d be like, ‘Well, now I gotta throw it up.’”

Tila Tequila- Purvaphalguni Moon

On March 7, 2012, it was reported that Tequila had agreed to check into rehab after having reportedly "almost died" from an attempted suicide by overdosing on pills. The incident caused her to be hospitalized for a brain aneurysm. Tequila completed her rehab treatment on April 5, 2012.

Jeffree Star- Purvashadha Moon

images of him self harming once went viral

Till Lindemann- Purvashadha Sun

he's known for his SH scars and has even written poems about it in German??? its called "The poems: Knives on silent nights"

Portia de Rossi- Rahu in Purvashadha 2h

she's struggled with an eating disorder

Padma Lakshmi- Purvaphalguni Sun & Moon

"When filming "Top Chef," I consume about 5,000 to 8,000 calories a day,'' she wrote. "I typically gain anywhere from 10 to 17 pounds every season. Once I get home, what's taken me six weeks to gain takes me 12 weeks to take off. It's always a nail-biting extravaganza at fittings, praying that a few pretty dresses that came down the runway on a teenage model who is a size 0 will miraculously fit my 40-something body,'' she wrote. "Getting ready for the Emmys is always fun, and it's truly an honor to be nominated. But at the same time, in spite of my high metabolism, I worry each year that I'm not going to fit into anything nice. So, this year, I've decided my weight will not be my focus,'' she wrote. "If I need a bigger dress, so be it. That one day — or any day — on the red carpet isn't nearly as important as making sure my daughter doesn't measure her worth by her dress size."

i guess this is a more positive manifestation of Venusian self image struggles

Jessica Alba- Bharani Stellium (Sun, Mercury & Venus)

“I was meant to feel ashamed if I tempted men,” she said. “Then I stopped eating a lot when I became an actress. I made myself look more like a boy so I wouldn’t get as much attention.”

Katie Couric- Purvashadha Sun

“I wrestled with bulimia all through college and for two years after that,” she shared with Lovato while interviewing her, per Glamour. “I know this rigidity, this feeling that if you eat one thing that’s wrong, you’re full of self-loathing and then you punish yourself, whether it’s one cookie or a stick of gum that isn’t sugarless, that I would sometimes beat myself up for that. How do you have a healthy relationship with food, and say, ‘You know what, I can have one cookie and it’s OK?’ That is such a huge thing for people who wrestle with this.”

Zayn Mailk- Purvaphalguni Moon

In his 2016 autobiography, Zayn, he shared it would sometimes cause him to go two or three days without eating a single bite of food. “Something I’ve never talked about in public before, but which I have come to terms with since leaving the band, is that I was suffering from an eating disorder. It got quite serious, although at the time I didn’t recognize it for what it was,” he wrote. “When I look back at images of myself—before the final tour—I can see how ill I was. The workload and the pace of life on the road put together with the pressures and strains of everything going on within the band had badly affected my eating habits. Food was something I could control, so I did.”

Zoe Kravitz- Purvaphalguni Moon conjunct Ketu

“I think it was part of being a woman, and being surrounded by [fame],” she said. “I think it was definitely about being around that world, seeing that world. I felt pressured.” After playing an anorexic character in a movie, she hit her lowest of lows and was so malnourished that her immune system shut down. Months later, she decided to make a change. “I just felt it was different,” she said. “I don’t know… if a f—king spirit came over me and said: ‘You have to stop.’”

Mel C, Purvaphalguni Rising

"When I was in the Spice Girls, the stress of suddenly being thrust into the limelight led me into an unhealthy relationship with food and exercise,” she told The Mirror in 2012. “I became obsessed about what I ate and I cut lots of food groups, like carbs and protein, out of my diet. I survived on fruit and vegetables and little else.”

Nicole Scherzinger- Mars conjunct Rising in Purvaphalguni

"I really struggled with feeling like I fit in. I even had a hard time feeling like I fit into my own skin. I was really hard on myself and had a lot of struggles with self-esteem and a lot of insecurities,” she said. “Later on, that resulted in me having eating disorders because of my body dysmorphia.”

if you're reading this and struggling, you're not alone. please get help!! its not too late to turn things around!! youre so strong and you can do this!!

#venus #purvaphalguni #bharani #purvashadha #astrology notes #vedic astro notes #astrology observations #nakshatras #sidereal astrology #astrology #astro notes #astro observations #vedic astrology #astroblr

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birdofmay · 1 year

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Nonverbal/nonspeaking Masterpost

Hello autistics who aren't well-versed in "high support needs autistic" circles and want to learn more, especially with autism acceptance month coming up! Have a read, here are important things to know if you want to uplift the voices of those who are spoken over often:

Verbality overview:

Detailed explanation of where the words nonverbal and nonspeaking came from:

Nonverbal, nonspeaking and the r-slur:

Emphasis on where the term nonspeaking comes from and why misusing it is harmful actually:

Why nonverbal/nonspeaking doesn't mean "can't speak, but otherwise completely normal" (tagging @five-thousand-loaves-of-bread for reference):

A metaphor to illustrate things:

Some reasons why autistics are nonverbal/nonspeaking (not exhaustive):

What "unreliably speaking" means (again credits to @five-thousand-loaves-of-bread ):

One more thing about the r-slur because it's so important (credits to @the-angry-autist ):

A long post that basically sums everything up; written for autistics on other social media platforms especially ( @five-thousand-loaves-of-bread ):

#me trying to be informative

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aristia-pjoheadcanons · 3 months

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hi✨adore your thoughts and headcanons to the moon and back with how detailed and in character they are. dark!percy has always been incredibly alluring and fascinating, so I was wondering about your presentation/analysis of him. if you're comfortable (if not, it's totally okay and just ignore it!), could you write percy and child of any "dark" like hades, or hecate, nyx (or whoever) god, who understands how scary and tough it can be when you and your powers are so destructive, and they help him to kinda adjust to this side of him and understand that he isn't a bad person for that (cause this guy already has a lot of self hatred). maybe kinda chaotic dumbass enemies to lovers? sfw or nswf - whatever works for you. sorry for this ramble! just so many thoughts about him...

hope you have a good time of a day🤟

DARK!Percy headcanons

authors note: Can I just say, I've been WAITING for a question like this. More Dark Percy headcanons everyone!! plss!!

warnings: mentions of abuse & neglect, suicidal and intrusive thoughts, impulsive thoughts, mentions of eating disorder, chaotic family life, Gabe Ugliano...

okay, this is a mixture of headcanons of his CHILDHOOD but also an ANALYSIS of DARK PERCY.

cigarette burns from Gabe. Not just because Gabe did it, some of Gabes older friends (a long time ago, before the lightning theaf book) told Percy to come closer and burnt it into his forearm. Gabes eyes turned into shock but then he poked a tongue in his cheek and scoffed in laughter, giving Percy a judgemental look - *its a classic look, the type of look you give someone when you're looking down on them.

Percy would be so angry at Gabe, sometimes he would snap and tell him to shut up because Gabe would watch TV late in the night and fall asleep with the TV on until morning. At some point, Percy opened the door and screamed on the top of his lungs to shut the fuck up, slamming the door, sleep deprived and exhausted, locking the bedroom door bc he was scared Gabe would do something - and sobbed loudly. He was just a kid, but he already learnt how to fight. Sally tried to give reassurance but Percy wouldnt open the door. The incident was deemed "nightmares" on Percy's part, and Sally let him sleep in her bed.

Sally and Gabe never shared a bed. Gabe snores, sometimes even has nightmares, other time she would bother Sally about a new babyboy they could have, as if Percy wasn't good enough to be his son.

One time Sally asked Percy if he ever wanted siblings. the truth is, yes, but with Gabe Ugliano? no way. fuck no. He said no in a really moody and almost bitchy way, and walked out of the house and went to school.

Percy had the habit of keeping his shoulders scrunched up when he slept. He still does, but he doesn't understand why his body tenses up when he sleeps - Gabe isn't there anymore.

He also had the habit of lowering his head, shoulders and hunching when he walked - but once he met Annabeth over the summer he kept his back more straight - and never hanged his head when he walked. He noticed and felt more relief.

When people asked what he was doing for the summer, weight was lifted off his shoulders when he said SUMMER CAMP - finally he had something to do during summer! Every kid in school went somewhere nice, now even Percy does. He felt like he could finally share a bit of the same intrests as everyone else. He could actually tell people about his summer.

You know when the teacher forces everyone to tell a little bit about their summer - now finally percy could say confidendtly he did somethign fun instead of making something up.

struggles with anger, but understand it got so bad he broke his own first laptop 3.5months of having it - he broke the screen in half with his bare hands. He regretted it so much and hid it but his Sally found out.

Regrettfully, this made Percy believe he would always ruin/sabotage things for himself, and that he doesn't deserve nice things. Letting his mother buy his clothes, never aksing for new clothes... whats the point?

Besides, Gabe was stingy with his money. Gabe even refused to buy shampoo which is stupid cause its cheap asf - but Gabe wanted the feeling of control.

the dynamic of the family and house changed. The living room was Gabes, not Sally and Percy's spot. Gabe even took Percy's side of the couch and his spot at the dining table. Percy stubbornly refused to move, but Gabe is scary and big for his size so he did it to be civil for his mother. He felt like he lost something that day.

When Gabe was out late, Percy would lock the door and put the chain on. Gabe would unlock the door and try to get inside, but the chain stopped him. Gabed huffed in frustration and Sally had to get up and open the door - which burned Percys heart because he realized that nothing could keep Gabe out.

Percy would generally be a very bitter person to be around, people would shy away from him and sometimes stop talking when he tried to join in.

self image, self-confidence and self respect was low. But actually scratch that, his self respect was high. he put boundaries down pretty fast with other people because he knew everything that gabe did was no, and everything that sally did was yes. but at some point he disliked Sallys touch just slightly bit, because he knew Gabe had held her hand earlier.

he would talk to sally for hours on the couch, but as soon as the door clicked opened he walked to his room and closed the door. He didnt want to be near gabe. but then gabe started to trash his room, and percy was basically forced to sit in the living room.

he felt like he was playing "family" or pretending everything was okay, as if Gabe wasn't neglectful, but he felt sick.

At some point Percy's anxiety and stress because to normalized within himself that he nowadays cant tell what anxiety even is - and he would sometimes even say hes never had anxiety, because its basically been with him from such a young age, he cant tell the difference.

pretending to be "family" was even worse walking around the mall with sally and gabe. gabe was just this big giant slob of goo that would follow everywhere, and gabe would even huff and puff shamelessly if they were taking too long. gabe even got angry if sally found something nice for herself, he was possesive.

started taking only an apple with him to lunch, 1. he thought he was fat. 2. gabe wouldnt buy anything he liked and they had to stick with the basics. 3.his lunch was embarrassing even though everyone ate cafeteria food.

he got so happy the first time he could bring something "normal" to eat or if he got money to buy lunch, his reason being that he could finally "blend in" insteading standing out as a "freak".

he has a burn mark on the backside of his ankle, near his achillies, burn himself bc of Gabe.

hates it if someone traces the cigarette scars on his arm, even hates it if Annabeth does it - he still struggles with his self image and probably wont like that part of himself until he grows old and gray.

one time he vented to someone about his childhood and they stopped talking to him. never spoke ever since, was afraid that someone would use it against him. hasn't even told his mom or sally half of the things Gabe said or did to him/behind his back.

one time gabe pissed on the clothes percy was wearing but blaimed it on percy. ofc his mother believed percy but it was still shameful for percy.

in second book of sea of monsters, a kid asked if percy let his mother buy his clothes - actually stopped letting his mother buy clothes for him after that.

he would naturally adopt people that were outcasts and be a friend - because people were rarely there for him when he needed it.

needs validation, but couldnt get it from school. his friends would praise him but he could barely accept those compliments because at the end of the day he was still a loser too.

his mother would be his studdy buddy, and tried to help percy with homework - but still found everything hard.

gabe got angry with percy would "dirtying everything" but Gabes the only reason why his mom has to clean daily.

Dark Percy would definitely develop from a young age, but it became a lot more present behind the scene of the books.

he desires comofort, safety and a space where he can be himself without having to walk on his toes around the place.

Honestly, NSFW

He suppresses his moans because he was used to being quiet when he was around Gabe.

He has jacked off quietly, watched any videos quietly, no sound and even with headphones get sscared that someone might hear.

One time he stayed up late bc of whatever reasons and his stepfather Gabe yelled "GO TO BED", the next morning Gabe complained about how loud Percy was when Percy was away at school (this was early middle school, school wasnt that far away). And his mother Sally defended him and said she believes that Percy goes to bed when he should/when she tells him to, this made Percy feel bad so he went to bed on time every since, or at least tried too. If he ever stayed up, he learn how to breathe quietly too.

The feeling of shame for touching yourself, feeling pleasure, and arousal was strongly in him from a certain age - Gabe's influence for even trying to be HAPPY or LAUGHING with his mother made him feel shame for any good feeling sexual or not.

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fatphobiabusters · 10 months

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I hear a lot about how fatness is a "risk factor" for certain illnesses and diseases. I don't hear much about how so are age, socioeconomic status, experiences of abuse, starvation, sex, race, queerness, and so many other aspects of a person's life. And that's because the world already for the most part accepts that a lot of these factors cannot be changed and that many of these factors are not what actually causes an illness or disease.

You don't develop a medical condition because your bank account suddenly shows a different, smaller number. You developed that medical condition because poverty means unbearable stress every day, less access to healthcare, worse housing, inability to clothe yourself for protection from the elements, having to overwork yourself to be able to afford your basic necessities, going without food, and so many other aspects of oppression. You don't weigh your wallet to measure your health because the amount of money you have is not what actually causes a medical condition.

But no one wants to look at the studies with legitimate methodology and admit that fatness is also in this category—that fatness is not something that we can just choose and will away, that fat people face immense systemic oppression just like any other oppressed group, that the correlation of fatness and illness is not some simple relationship of causation. And that's because doing so would mean no longer making hundreds of billions of dollars off of fat people's oppression and having to admit it's not actually okay to treat fat people as an acceptable punching bag.

When I look at medical information for whatever illnesses, see the risk factors laid out, and the only risk factor the website says to change is fatness? I think about all of the research I've read that shows actual permanent weight loss is as likely as finding Atlantis. The amount of hypocrisy at not telling someone to drink a youth potion as a form of treatment at the same time as they lose weight becomes so palpable that I can taste the dirty money being made off of this website telling people to "just lose weight, fatty." It's as cruel as selling an ill person a random crystal that you tell them will fix their health, which they then rely on instead of actual medical care, causing them to get worse and even die. And if you think that comparison is a stretch, you do not realize how many people die every day because they were told weight loss was the answer or were forced to lose weight before the doctor would actually respect them enough to run tests or so much as touch their fat body.

We live in a world where people with PCOS are told to "just lose weight" to solve their infertility, where that is the very first bullet point listed on a website about a medical condition that makes weight loss even more impossible than the already 95% failure rate for the general population. A world where fat people have to stick their own fat bodies with needles during a doctor's appointment because the doctor is too disgusted by fat rolls to even look at the person's body to give them a shot. A world where fat people with eating disorders are encouraged, applauded, and told to keep going while the thin person with an eating disorder has the "luxury" of receiving help, compassion, and a diagnosis that isn't separated in the DSM with the word "atypical." A world where a fat person accidentally given chemotherapy is told by the doctor "At least it helped you lose weight!" A world where weight loss corporations are making the exact same promises they did in advertisements from 1910, yet somehow over 100 years later we have an "ob*sity epidemic" because diets, weight loss products, and exercise regimens "Really work!!!"

If this single "solution" to ill health has not worked despite well over a century of desperate, constant attempts, maybe we should stop trying to jam a triangle into a square hole.

-Mod Worthy

#fatphobia #healthism #fat liberation #medical fatphobia #o word #tw eating disorders #diet culture #Mod Worthy

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highseas-swede · 6 months

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Aziraphale and Trauma

[Just a note that I initially wrote this in response to this post: https://www.tumblr.com/theangelyouknew/732357015604756480?source=share&ref=_tumblr which is full of insightful info. I'm reposting my response here with some minor edits so it's easier to find in tags.]

This is something I actually find interesting within the fandom, because there seems to be this weird divide in fandom when it comes to Aziraphale.

See, I love Aziraphale. I think he's an amazing and well nuanced character, but a lot of the time fandom boils him down into this really simple version of himself. This happens both with people who dislike him and claim he's a bad person as well as with those who want to soften him up and make him more palatable. Aziraphale isn't the only one who has trouble with black and white thinking here!

Things like Coffee Theory remove Aziraphale's agency because the thought of Aziraphale doing something to hurt Crowley deliberately is something they can't stomach. If Aziraphale is acting under some kind of major magical influence, it means that it's possible to brush over the fact that he can - and has - hurt Crowley in the past and it certainly hasn't always been accidental.

There's a lot of Psychology I could touch on here, but it's honestly such a complicated topic that I don't really feel I can do it justice attached to a completely different topic.

But one thing I do want to touch on a bit is how Aziraphale asserts control in his own life via his connection with Crowley, and that touches on something equally complicated, which is something that's probably hard to understand.

Abuse victims are often manipulative.

I don't mean this at all as some kind of slight or insult. I've been an abuse victim myself and it's one reason I know it's true.

Fandom talks a lot about Crowley's trauma and he's got loads, to be sure. I think of that meme about "this bad boy can fit a lot of trauma" and it's very true. I've even seen people mention that Aziraphale has a different kind of Trauma than Crowley, which is also true.

What I haven't seen is someone addressing that the type of religious trauma is a form of CPTSD. CPTSD or "Complex PTSD" is a very specific form of PTSD. PTSD is characterized as being the result of a traumatic event - Crowley's fall, for example, is a good example of PTSD and I can go into that at some point. CPTSD is different because it's not a singular event, it's the result of being in a constant high stress situation. A lot of abuse victims - especially those abused by parental figures or significant others - have this form of PTSD.

A good way to see the difference is in comparing how they relate to their trauma. When Crowley thinks he's lost Aziraphale in S1, it sends him into a spiral. But importantly we see that this traumatic event is causing Crowley to go back to another traumatic event in time, triggering his memories of his fall. This emphasizes how much Crowley's fall defines his trauma. We rarely see him experiencing trauma at the hands of Hell, as he's mostly allowed freedom to handle his job on earth the way he wants.

https://cptsdfoundation.org/ defines CPTSD as "the results of ongoing, inescapable, relational trauma. Unlike Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Complex PTSD typically involves being hurt by another person. These hurts are ongoing, repeated, and often involving a betrayal and loss of safety."

In humans, this is caused by having no sense of safety in key moments of development. It strips away sense of self, sense of worth and really any agency. We even see the angels using direct gaslighting tactics on Aziraphale in S2, which I'm surprised doesn't get mentioned more often: When they come to the bookshop looking for Gabriel, they mention Gabriel and then almost immediately when Aziraphale asks "you were looking for Gabriel", Uriel outright says a line that goes something like "Did we say we were looking for Gabriel?", leading Aziraphale to fumble and try to remember if they did, in fact, say that at some point (they did).

So, one big thing to know about CPTSD and this kind of abuse related trauma is that learning to lie and be manipulative is often what people have to do to survive. Children with abusive parents will learn how to be manipulative in order to get what they need or avoid losing things they need.

We see this with Aziraphale, time and time again. He could just ASK Crowley for things he wants. A lot of people point out that he could ask and that Crowley would probably give in to him most of the time anyway. But that's not how it works in an abusive home. Instead, Aziraphale maneuvers Crowley into situations where Crowley is forced to give him what he needs or wants.

His lack of agency, as a result of his CPTSD, is also why he needs to be worked into making decisions that he already knows - or at least suspects - are right. That's why they have their little dance every time Crowley has to talk Aziraphale into something by finding the right way to frame it so it makes sense with Aziraphale's strict rule structure. These rules exist as a defensive mechanism too. Having rules makes it easier to figure out how to avoid being hurt and Aziraphale cannot simply step outside the rules because it's Not Safe. Not even with someone he trusts as much as Crowley.

The entire apology dance scene stands out for a few reasons. Everything Aziraphale does in the entire scene is an act that allows him to take control of the situation. He's already won, so to speak, because Crowley is back and Crowley is going to do what he wants. The apology is unnecessary on every level.

This post talks about how uncomfortable Crowley has to be sharing a space with Gabriel. Gabriel is with the abusive team, whether or not he was directly involved with Crowley's fall. Crowley also harbors a severe distress and mistrust of Gabriel because of Gabriel's attempts to destroy Aziraphale, the most important person to Crowley. But it's worth noting that Aziraphale is uncomfortable too.

Another good indicator of how stressed Aziraphale is with all this is that he doesn't eat ANYTHING when Gabriel is in the shop. The only food he consumes in modern era is when he's in the Bentley which is a "safe" space. Gabriel constantly hounded Aziraphale over eating and despite offering Gabriel hot chocolate, we don't see him partaking himself. He does briefly drink to demonstrate how "drinking tea" works for Muriel, but he doesn't seem to drink from his cup at all after demonstrating.

The bookshop is also Aziraphale's safe space, his ONLY safe space - Crowley still technically has the Bentley, and honestly I feel like Aziraphale wanting to borrow the Bentley is actually partially because he needs to get away from Gabriel and the Bentley is the only place that feels safe for him at the moment. Shax ruins any illusion of safety for him, but Aziraphale is much more enthused for his trip in ep3 and a fair amount of it is because he's not trapped with Gabriel.

A small note here, as a thought occurs to me. Aziraphale asserting that the Bentley is "our car" is probably mostly for himself. He's trying to realign his thinking to make the Bentley an acceptable "safe space" for himself prior to the trip.

There is a very different relationship dynamic when it comes to Gabriel and Aziraphale because Gabriel is the constant source of Aziraphale's trauma. He's Aziraphale's superior, the one he has to report to, the one who passes down his missions and his punishments. When Aziraphale takes Gabriel in, he's just invited his former abuser of over 6000 years into his safe haven. This is a hugely uncomfortable thing for an abuse survivor.

Worst of all, because Jim is, for all intents and purposes, NOT Gabriel, Aziraphale can't bring himself to lash out at his former abuser the way he wants to.

That brings us back to this apology scene.

There are two major things going on here and both of them are bad and hurtful toward Crowley. They're also both intensely unfair. I love Aziraphale but this was definitely a dick move.

Firstly: Aziraphale is using Crowley to reassert a sense of control over the situation because he is spiraling. He can't assert control over his life and his shop, which is one thing that he falls back on heavily, and that leaves him scrambling to find somewhere where he can control his situation. He makes Crowley go through this whole unnecessary apology and dance routine because it makes him feel like he has control over SOMETHING in his life right now.

Secondly: Aziraphale is also enacting his own trauma on Crowley. He's treating Crowley the way Heaven treats him. This is a direct parallel to the way Crowley terrorizes his house plants because he can't do anything to the people who actually caused his trauma. This is, obviously, wildly unfair of Aziraphale to do - and I'm fairly sure there are other small moments where Aziraphale does this in a mild way, I'd have to rewatch again.

These are both behaviors common in CPTSD caused by environments that apply this constant state of stress.

I'm not going to say it's right, or that Aziraphale isn't being a bit of a bastard in this moment - he absolutely is - but this behavior does have some obvious triggers that might be easy to overlook. It's just important to understand that Aziraphale is falling into self-preservation habits that are actively detrimental to his relationship with Crowley. It's not just the manipulation, he's also hiding things and lying to Crowley when he really shouldn't be - both things often necessary in abusive environments - but he's doing it because that's the method that he's created that works with his abusive relationship in Heaven and he's falling back on it because he feels unsafe. The trouble is, this survival tactic does not work with Crowley and actively makes things worse because it shuts down open communication entirely.

#Aziraphale #Good Omens #Good Omens Meta #good omens s2 #aziraphale meta #crowley x arizaphale #CPTSD discussion

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maccreadysbaby · 5 months

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Do you still do writing tips?? Cause I need tips on writing a child (12/13) who’s been trained to be living weapon their whole life??

OH MY GOD YES. I LOVE YOU.

this is a massive post I’m sorry

Writing a Child Who was Raised to be a Weapon

tw just for abuse, eating disorders, and the like mentioned below

NOW. This is one of my favorite archetypes used in modern media, if you couldn’t tell by my batfamily oc insert (little mister was-only-kept-alive-to-destroy-bruce-wayne. hi there, bentley, love you!)

While this is a very compelling and interesting type of character to create and flesh out, it’s easy to brush over some of the inner dialogue and thought patterns these children would have, because most people irl don’t have them. (Unless you were raised as a super assassin, in which case, please don’t kill me, and I love you)

The bottom line is, the characters entire personality and dynamic with other people relies on what background you give them. And that’s where I come in! Hi, I’m maccreadysbaby, and I’m going to propose some of the routes you can take in writing these cute little (deadly) guys!

COMMUNICATION ↴

none of these children are going to communicate normally, because they aren’t normal. they weren’t raised with a family, or good support system. they might:

be terrified of others. slow to trust. especially if you’re writing a child who was abused when they failed. for example, my oc, bentley, was horrified to be in proximity with any of bruce wayne’s family because he was afraid they would hurt him like his father did. he was afraid to cry in front of them, afraid to admit he was tired or sick or scared, afraid to ask for help, afraid to speak first, because it was all things he’d gotten punished for before. they might also have a terrible relationship with failure, because failure brings pain, and could potentially crumble if they fail or think they’re going to fail whatever they’re doing. (a mission, an assassination, or simple things like a school test or a task someone asked them to complete.) maybe they’re really good at holding it together and pretending they aren’t scared, but after all, they’re just kids. the cracks in their mask are gonna show one way or another.

shut people out. this could be from fear, or from being taught relationships are bad and makes them weak and vulnerable. they might not communicate because they don’t want to have another potential weak spot. they might keep their distance, stay quiet, not come out often. they might come across as cold and heartless, but it’s really them just trying to protect themselves, be it from pain, from the idea of eventual heartbreak, etc. but there is a problem with shutting people out, and it’s that they’re also shutting themselves in, like a prison. kids who choose to shut people out and bottle up everything they feel are slightly more prone to emotional outbursts and breakdowns. especially if they’re fairly young.

learn different ways to communicate, such as sign language, their actions, body language, etc. they won’t do it like everybody else and that’s okay! you can take so many liberties with this. maybe they make origami swans and leave them on the nightstands of people they decide they like. maybe they highlight lines in books and leave them places to tell someone how they feel. maybe they’re an absolute little jerkhole that’s mean to everyone because they weren’t taught how to do it any differently. maybe they’re insanely submissive people-pleasers that do everything asked of them because they were created to take orders. the possibilities are endless. go on an adventure!

be overly trusting. you typically see this in characters on the younger end of the spectrum, but you can drag it up into teenagers, too. a child that’s been abused or suppressed in any way, physically, emotionally, or mentally might decide they wholeheartedly trust the first person who is nice to them, who doesn’t cause them pain. there might even be a little bit of lag time between the meeting and the kindness and the trusting, but when it comes, it comes full force to the face. they’d trust these people to protect their lives and might even cling to them, or run to them as an escape from whoever raised them. (assuming they are afraid of the people who raised them.) they might even allow themselves to open up and become more than just a human weapon in the presence of these lucky folks.

believe that they’re superior to everyone else. obviously they are a higher class, a finer type of person. they can kill in seconds, they’re a master at martial arts, they can have an adult wrapped around their finger within the first minute of meeting them, they can make a person cave with a single sentence, they’re just better. better than all these civilians who let their emotions get in the way, who let other people walk all over them and boss them around. they’re too good for that. this is also a great one to add in some angst. arrogance and pride are often founded on the feelings of uselessness, worthlessness, or that they can’t (or don’t deserve to) be loved. it’s like a defense mechanism. no one likes me — obviously it’s because of my blindingly obvious superiority. they’re so much better that they don’t need love, kindness, care. (but yes, they actually do. they’ll probably break down crying or throw someone across the room the moment it’s given because it opens their eyes to the fact that they’re literally freaking starving for it like they haven’t eaten in their entire lives. my GOD give these kids a hug.)

FOOD ↴

i know this seems random, but it’s something you need to know about your character because it heavily impacts their mental state, mannerisms, energy, and health. chances are being raised as a weapon, they won’t have a stable relationship with food or eating. here are some examples of how you could make them!

refusing to eat. if your child character has had bad experiences in the past regarding food, such as someone using food to manipulate them (if you don’t do this you don’t get food.), torture them (purposefully feeding them something that makes them sick or have an allergic reaction, even poisoned food.), or if there are bad memories tied to eating (always getting fed before terrible missions, or before days locked somewhere, torture sessions, punishments, etc.) your child may not want to eat at all. after all, these are still just kids and they’re going to try and avoid everything that can trigger negative feelings, memories, or circumstances. if food is one of them, your other characters are probably going to have to help reassure them that they can eat and need to (if they’re in the presence of nice characters.) if you’re wanting to go a more severe route, you can even write them getting diagnosed with anorexia (an eating disorder that heavily involves not eating at all.) but of course, you don’t have to. (i didn’t.) just remember, they are growing kids and are going to be hungry whether they like it or not. but they will try to hide it if hunger has been used against them, which is a good point for hurt/comfort writing, since hunger can cause anything as small and embarrassing as their stomach growling loudly in front of everybody to severe stomach cramps (like your organs being tied in a terribly tight knot), vomiting, and fainting. all things considered, you can take a more severe route, or just write about them working with the help of friends to get up to a better food intake level and higher weight.

struggling to eat. if your child has not been fed properly for most or all of their lives, and then are put into a homelife where they have food at their disposal, they still might struggle with it. (for example, my character, bentley, was severely starved by his father for the first ten years of his life and when he gets put into a new home, he struggles to eat much at all and sometimes feels sick when he eats ‘too much’, even though he should be eating more in general.) of course, this comes with a host of complications and all the symptoms that come with malnutrition, not to mention that they won’t even be close to the size they’re supposed to be. (bentley was the size of a 6-7 year old at the ages of 9&10.) this is similar to the last bullet point in the sense that you can go the more serious anorexia route, or the kind people helping them stay on track route

over-eating. this one is more common for youngsters who didn’t have access to food most of their lives, but it wasn’t used against them or withheld from them by another person. (a good example would be a child trained in an area where people routinely don’t have access to food.) this is highly derived from food insecurity, where they think they have to eat everything they’re given because they don’t know when they’ll eat next. (this can also be used for characters in the bullet point above.) this also can cause health issues and routine sickness. (for example, my character, asten (11yrs), who lived in a poverty stricken part of his city and barely ate outside of school, routinely eats himself sick when he has access to food because he’s been starving without it.) this food insecurity can also lead to extreme emetophobia (fear of vomiting) because they don’t want to lose what they do have in them, which can pose a massive problem when this child is either so empty or so full that they need to throw up. so, if they’re put into a household where they have access to food, it might be a constant stream of stomach aches and nights spent in the bathroom while the person helps reassure them that they will always have food and they don’t have to eat it all now. (sorry this is gross but it needs to be said.)

here is a drabble that i wrote recently involving a malnourished child due to poverty, with his internal dialogue and thought processes, if that will help any of you.

ANXIETY / PTSD ↴

oh boy. these kids will have it, given how they’ve been raised. the question is in how they treat it and deal with it.

hiding it. maybe they were trained to see fear and anxiousness as weakness. the flinch when someone moves too fast, the tightness in their chest at a certain noise, the inability to breathe if they see someone’s face, they’re going to hide it because their fine and they’re tough. no one has to know that they have nightmares every night and cry when they’re alone. you can even extend this into anxiety/asthma/panic attacks that they keep hidden. (typically by leaving social settings when they feel it coming on.) no one has to know that they’re so weak. they might lash out in anger or irritation if they’re routinely asked if they’re okay because they need these people to back off before they fall apart in front of them. they might have little mannerisms that other people might notice for calming or showing anxiety, like biting their nails, bouncing their leg, pinching themselves, quietly doing breathing exercises, etc. PTSD will come more like nightmares and anxiety attacks and flashbacks, and they can’t always hide those no matter how much they want to. the severity of anxiety and PTSD depends on how graphic you make their backstory. (for example, my character, bentley, has nightmares of being abused, which he breaks down crying after. in his instances, he’s never alone. similarly, he once started crying when he saw christmas decorations similar to those his abuser used to have, and he has his first anxiety attack when he sees his abuser in public) you can keep the character secretive about it or let them have a big old breakdown in front of someone else, your choice.

not hiding it at all. if they’re with someone they trust, they might just let loose. (that’s what happened to bentley once he learned his new family didn’t care if he looked weak and wanted to help him) they might tell someone when they’re feeling scared or anxious or bad in any way. they might just cry right in front of them when they have to and have attacks with someone close and all the things because they’re not alone anymore and these people want to help. it might take a while for them to get to this point, and no one blames them. (for example, bentley was really anxious for school so he went to his new guardians room in the middle of the night) and remember, any steps these kiddos take closer to asking for help is HUGE! make sure your other characters encourage them and let them know they’re proud for reaching out :)

keep in mind that if they’ve never been talked to about it, they might have no freaking clue what’s going on if they have an attack of some sort, and will probably need someone to explain to them what’s going on and that they aren't going to die.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk! If you have more specific questions send them in anon!

#creative writing #writing #writing help #writing angst #writing tips #character tips

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blixabargelds · 1 year

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hi! can I ask why some many people think that Roman has an ed? not a criticism, just genuinely curious cause I never noticed any signs!

i first started thinking it from day one for no reason other than i hc lots of my faves with eds because i love angst and have suffered with eating disorders therefore i like to project/ find it easy to write etc haha but over the course of the show there’s been lots of things tbh.

very early on in the show we see him bodychecking pinching his stomach etc he looks unhappy with his body. he’s very rarely seen eating anything other than fruit, frequently at tables he’s the only one not eating. this gifset is a really good show of that.

the roy’s in general all seem to have poor relationships with food, which has been confirmed in the recently released script books (“the summer of competitive eating disorders”), but roman especially has several fraught memories relating to food (being forced to eat chocolate cake (dog food?), getting beaten for ordering lobster, “if you wanted roast chicken and i wanted steak we always had chicken, i would fucking tantrum because i never had steak, i never won.”)

i think kieran did irreparable damage with this interview (he’s so smart, this was also over a year ago, before the scripts released anything canon).

roman’s relationship to his body is consistently distant and negative (he’s not a real person). he was, as far as we know, the only one who got hit by logan. he’s the shortest, he was sent away to military school which is notoriously regimented and harsh on the body, he was shoved into a cage, he was beaten, and depending on your reading into it there’s also plenty of hints that he might have been sexually abused in some way. he’s seen as the weak dog. he’s constantly treated as such.

i think having control over food is a way he could take control over a body that’s never felt like his, that no one else has ever respected so why should he? i don’t think it’s all about being thin, although we definitely see signs of him being obsessed with his image. he was never going to be the biggest, the manliest, but he could be in control. an eating disorder could be his private thing, the thing he could do well at, no one knows how strong he’s actually being by denying what his body needs. that’s impressive, okay? that counts for something, surely.

he seeks comfort in harm, he doesn’t know what his dad means when he asks if he even made contact, he’d already forgotten, promise. he asks to be degraded, he jumps into a mob asking to be hurt, he needs it, he’s been taking beatings his whole life, he speaks this language. he’s got the gift of the gab when it comes to destroying himself. he’s hurt and he’s hurting but he chose it, he’s got control. he has.

#roman roy #succession #ed roman hive #this got away from me sorry #kieran culkin #alternative answer because it’s fun ha ha [sweating]#show us your russell’s signs roman!#frankiefic

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springtrappd · 1 year

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You said in one post that the author of Solar Lunacy is ableist. Could you explain how they're being problematic? I know almost nothing about them or the story itself, so I wouldn't know if they've said or done anything sus. Also, thank you for actually criticizing the Daycare Attendant stans, almost nobody in this site does that.

thank you for asking! it's rare to see, you're right, but it's also rare that people are willing to actually engage with that critical posting, so -- again, thank you! as for your question: oh boy, can i!

first: the basics. dissociation is a psychological response to overwhelming stress wherein the brain... disassociates from itself, placing a barrier between itself and the harsh reality. the most famous dissociative disorder is dissociative identity disorder (DID), known formerly as multiple personality disorder (MPD) or split personality. did occurs when someone without a fully-formed identity (read: a child) undergoes such severe stress that the 'brain' dissociates from its identity itself, creating alternate identities (personalities) to deal with the things they can't. these alternate identities work together to form a system. it's way more complicated than that and you can read more on it here and here but that's the bare minimum for the ignorant in the audience. we all caught up? good! moving on.

now, the question of whether or not the daycare attendant is a system is a touchy one. i've seen multiple different stances on the matter, seen a lot of arguments, and typed (and deleted) several hundreds of words about it, and the answer that i've come to is that, for the sake of this argument, whether the dca is a system in canon doesn't matter. what matters is how bamsara treats them. how do they handle the characters, how do they frame the switches in personality, the confusion, all the parallels to real-world symptoms -- how do they expect the viewer to feel, what do they pull from the cultural lexicon, yadda yadda. does bamsara -- regardless of their intentions -- depict the dca as a system, and if so, how do they handle it?

the answer is that they depict the dca as experiencing altered identity states, switching (and even blurring) between identities, and even repeatedly acknowledges them as a plural entity.

and it is these behaviours, specifically, that are used to make the dca scary. bamsara's daycare attendant is scary because they experience altered identity states. because they blur identities. because they are a plural entity. because they display the textbook symptoms and behaviours of a disorder most commonly caused by childhood sexual abuse. and it is the fear that this is inspires that makes them (but especially moon & eclipse) sexy.

now, one can argue that this is simply in line with existing horror media, and they would be correct: most pop culture depictions of dissociative disorders are extremely ableist, and have real-world consequences! but what makes it really, really shitty is that... i don't want to think about this stuff. i don't come to fandom to be reminded that people are terrified of what they don't understand, and that that very very often includes the mentally ill. i don't want to be reminded that there are people who don't believe dissociative disorders exist at all. i don't want to reminded that they -- the sick, the survivors, the unlucky 140 million -- are spoken of in the same way as monsters. i don't come here for harsh realities. but solar lunacy is the most kudos'd fnaf fic on ao3, and we all have to live with that.

if you liked solar lunacy or bamsara's content or... whatever, i don't particularly care. i'm not mad about people thinking evil alters are sexy, or engaging with horror content that says shitty things about systems -- it's your life, live it how you please (and i've got a vanny icon so who am i to judge lmao). sometimes the things that make us happy are kinda shitty, and that's okay! our views are shaped by the society we live in, and there is no society on earth that is kind to the mentally ill -- there's no way to undo that, to stop that from influencing you in some capacity. but... all i ask is for you to think about this stuff, and try to educate yourself on the topic. there's nothing wrong with making a mistake, or having flaws -- but there's something wrong with making a space that feels unsafe, that reflects some of the more uncomfortable aspects of our society, that unintentionally hurts people. it's just up to you if that something is something you care about.

i hope that answers your question, anon (and anyone else who's curious). take care, mate!

(edit 13/01/2023: due to some technical difficulties on tumblr's end, the notes aren't quite showing up properly, so here's the link to bamsara's reblog chain if you can't find it.)

#speaking!#asks #anon #bamsara #fnaf #discourse #long post #loooong looooooong post #sorry it got so long!! i have a lot to say abt this topic #& wanted to do my due diligence #so doubly sorry if there are any errors... 'tis midnight #also: don't ask if i have did/am a system please!#it's extremely rude and confronting to ask someone something like that #just like. putting that out there.#anyway #csa ment #child abuse ment #bs saga

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alostlittleriverlotus · 10 months

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seeing an anti-narcissist post talking about how narcissists will believe they're good people and never realize the harm they're doing.

It is really amazing how anti-narcissist folks fit their own definition of narcissism.

Because when we even try to calmly explain, no accusatory language, to them why they are harming victims of abuse as well and why they are dehumanizing a group of people, they will instantly use their trauma and abuse as a reason for why they aren't wrong and believe they are standing up for victims of abuse.

Narcissists are victims of abuse too. My abusive mom is, I am. Like. You're demonizing a group of abuse victims as if it'll help you heal at all by acting like the narcissist is evil and self loathing. Regardless of whether your abuser has NPD or not doesn't matter. My mom's autism adds to her mistreatment of me. She takes things at face value and will neglect me even when I flat out tell her. It's not a trait of autistic abuse. Disorders do affect treatment of people, duh, because it affects their world view and how they perceived things. Like, how someone depressed may have their self image warped as well as their view of people around em. But that does not make it "disorder abuse." The disorder didn't abuse you, people with the disorder aren't more likely to be abusive or have their symptoms/traits affect others. You have a warped view because of trauma too. And people may use their disorders as a scapegoat (my ex used his depression a lot for his mistreatment of me and even blamed me for his depression), but it doesn't make it disorder abuse. It doesn't mean every person with the disorder is evil. And if you're someone who can "separate a narcissist from someone with NPD cause they are different" you fail to see how the correlation still harms people with NPD. That's why we ask you to use different terms.

We can't find solace in trauma and mental health spaces because of this anti-narcissist rhetoric and belief. That narcissists are bad and abusive and will always hurt you and can't love. Trauma victims with NPD can't even be welcomed in most trauma victim spaces because of this. People with NPD cannot look up help for their disorder without being bombarded with how to cope with the toxic narcissist. Just think about it for more than 5 seconds and try to empathize with us (since anti-narcs love using empathy, here you go.)

Empathize with us. Show us compassion. You ARE hurting victims. You're throwing trauma victims under a bus as a scapegoat and an outlet for you cause of your abuser hurting you. It IS a you problem. We are asking that you listen to us and learn and actually show us compassion and treat us like people. Honestly.

And don't even try to say "well you're a narcissist, of course you'd say that." That is literally ignoring what we say because of a bias you have with the disorder. I am saying this cause I shouldn't have to be wary of mental health spaces, I shouldn't have to go on Tumblr and find the NPD community to help me through narc crashes. I was having a narc crash and tried to find help on Google, all it did was make me suicidal instead of wanting to self harm. I could have died! And I have seen stories of other people with NPD killing themselves because of the stigma! This is a fucking real issue and me being a narcissist and affected by this ableism does not discredit what I say. Just please listen!

But if you're unwilling to, just block me. Because if you aren't willing to listen and learn and try to understand then don't even bother interacting with me, even negatively. I won't waste my time on people refusing to listen.

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gabrielsbubblegumbitch · 3 months

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Do you think Valentino from Hazbin is a sociopath?

I would like to preface all my posts on headcanons related to psychology and mental illness with a disclaimer: diagnosing mental conditions, especially personality disorders, can be extremely challenging. It's a complicated process that relies heavily on a psychologist's interpretation of facts, making it susceptible to biases. Personality disorders cannot be diagnosed based on surface-level observations and are not just labels that we can assign to people like in the case of MBTI. Additionally, I am not a clinician with any expertise in diagnosing people. Therefore, the following post should not be taken as a reliable professional opinion. It's simply my interpretation of the internal mechanisms that may be responsible for the behavior of certain characters in my fan fiction. Furthermore, I want to make it clear that I have no intention of stigmatizing people with personality disorders by associating them with villains. A personality disorder does not determine someone's character or make them a bad person. Some characters may be evil because of the choices they make, not as a result of their mental conditions.

I don't think he has an antisocial personality disorder. I can categorize him as a man with borderline personality disorder with antisocial tendencies (generally men with BPD are quite likely to exhibit APD traits).

Why do I interpret his behavior as BPD:

❤️ mood swings and incoherent personality. Like he's a completely different person with Vox and with Angel. Duh, even during his one scene with Vox his whole attitude did 180° in seconds.

❤️ hardcore abandonment issues. It makes him act out to get Vox's attention. And he hates Angel so much not because of pure sadism, but because he used to love him (well, at least he interpreted his feelings as love). As he became more and more toxic and after Angel finally tried to stand up for himself, Valentino felt so terribly rejected and betrayed that he immediately started hating him.

❤️ there's this thing called splitting and it means that people with BPD perceive others very binary, as either good or bad. There's nothing between love and hate and those emotions can change rapidly. So yeah imo he occasionally "loves" Angel and that's why he hasn't killed him yet but at the same time he proceeds to abuse him so terribly (I can't buy the "you make me money" excuse, no amount of money would matter if he really wanted to kill him. And I don't believe he keeps him alive just to torture him, Angel's behavior causes him too much stress. Like, he cares so much.).

❤️ Things common for men with BPD are substance abuse (overlord of drugs, duh), aggressive behaviors, and violent tendencies (I don't think I need to provide you with an example)

❤️ General high novelty seeking. It essentially means looking for stimuli to feel anything and just fill horrifying emotional emptiness (in the case of BPD; novelty-seeking is also a trait of perfectly healthy people that differs individually). I connect this novelty-seeking thing to him being an overlord of depravity, he loves perversion for the sake of perversion because everything extreme he does or witnesses makes him feel things again. And he bores very quickly so he has to constantly push boundaries further.

❤️ Autodestructive tendencies. We don't see them in the text, I just assume they are there. Again - drugs, unsafe sex, and (according to my headcanons) involvement in violent and irresponsible "BDSM" (I put it in a quotation because BDSM to be BDSM must be safe and based on informed consent, trust and good communication) which is essentially using Vox' sadism to inflict harm on himself. He rather do it using someone else's hands because he perceives this desire to self-harm as a weakness but at the same time, can't resist it.

Vox hc | Velvette hc | Vees + Angel hc

#hazbin hotel #valentino #valention hazbin hotel #headcanon #vox #voxval #angel dust #character analysis #ask

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