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multiwreckedmess · 8 months

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Kinktober - Day 2

Prompt: Titfucking Pairing: Changbin x fem!reader WC: 1,980 Summary: After the gym Changbin is worked up and needs help to relieve himself.

This is a work of fiction, it does not represent Changbin or any Stray Kids member. On top of this it is an 18+ work. For my comfort and boundaries please if you are under age do not interact with this.

Additional TW/CW below the cut.

TW/CW: Changbin is a bit of a pervert, one use of “babe” directed towards reader, assumed larger chest, lots of talk about breasts, titfucking, no penetration, sweat as lube, spit as lube, finishing on chest.

Gym pump. Changbin had heard of it. Guys getting their “pump” on he thought was just the code for the naturally hulkier appearance of a well worked muscle. He’d not considered that pump could mean other things. It didn’t cross his mind that when his blood “pumped” through at an increased rate, spreading all those endorphins far and wide, that it would spread literally to every extremity, including his cock. It was kind of cool actually, looking down after a particularly grueling session and seeing his slightly swollen member just a little more prominently bulging in his gym shorts.

It wasn’t a huge hassle until you joined the gym. A small family owned gym like the one he frequented didn’t often get new members. It wasn’t flashy like the higher end gyms, nor cheap like the chains. It was niche and he loved that. You also loved that. Chain gyms were intimidating, harsh fluorescent lights with rows and rows of cardio equipment peppered with some weight training. High end gyms were no better, mostly used as a social club for the wealthy to network and find dates. While the atmosphere was nicer, the people were not. So you gritted your teeth and spent the money at the small independent gym near work.

9PM, your usual start time, give or take a few minutes. Your tits slightly spilling over you just barely too small sports bra caught his eye every time. It was like you walked tits first through the door, bright pink and bouncing as you marched yourself to the bay of lockers to store your gym bag. It drove him insane. Imagining how soft and pliable you would be in his arms pushed him harder on his last reps, grunting and gasping damn near erotically. However instead of heading immediately to your usual treadmill you stretch in a small alcove before waving at Changbin. He damn near slams the plates of the overhead rower against each other. “Sorry,” you smile, hands folded neatly behind your back. “I normally wouldn’t ask but, no one else is here and I need someone to spot me.” “Spot you?” Changbin’s brows raise. “You don’t lift weights.” He blurts. Now it’s your turn for a questioning look. Changbin wants to wither and die, what a fucking stupid thing to say. Either now you know he’s been watching you and knows your routine or think he’s a sexist prick. “Yeah err, I heard adding weight lifting and growing muscle can help with weight loss so I thought…well. I don’t know. Should I not lift?” Shaking his head and closing his eyes, Changbin looks you up and down. “I’m sorry. I phrased it wrong. You can lift weights if you want to!” “No, I know, I need someone to spot me. Can you?” You stare at him from under your eyebrows. For fear of saying something even more stupid Changbin nods enthusiastically and stands to follow you to the bench. How he thought he would be able to handle this angle of you is beyond him. But it was true, he was the only one in the gym who could help you and he wasn’t going to let you down.

Staring down at you, watching the bar come closer to your chest, back arched slightly from the bench. If he just racked the fucking bar and yanked you to him he could easily fuck your throat with abandon. But he really shouldn’t think like that. He should focus on the speed and frequency of your lifts. They’re calculated and measured, a beginner watching their forum, analyzing each movement, hesitant. “You’ve got it, two more for the set.” Changbin says firmly and quietly. “Just two more.” His quiet confidence in you makes you proud, emotions high from the tension in your arms. You grit your teeth and smile as you push your last two reps. “I was planning on doing two more sets. Just need to complete my circuit in the meantime, do you mind if I find you again? For spotting?” Voice sweetly lilting to appeal to him, he agrees with a silent smirk and nod.

You don’t ask him every time. Changbin doesn’t want to admit he feels a certain way about it. He was your first spotter, should’ve been your only spotter. No one else should be watching you as intently as him. It’s not that he’s possessive, it’s that he’s concerned. Or at least he tells himself this is the reason for his continued light surveillance. It’s almost a month before he talks to you again. Working himself to almost complete failure he can’t take it anymore. Eyes locked on you as you rerack your weights he needs to say something to you. Anything to you to make it clear that he’s friendly and approachable and wants to help. “Your chest…presses are coming along…” he tries to casually glance and nod. A quick observation to let you know he cares about your progress. Glace flitting down to your hot pink sports bra, casually of course. He makes you nervous, muttering a quick “oh…thanks. Can’t have the girls get saggy,” as you avoid eye contact. Knowledgeable and handsome, you want to impress him. “Must be heavy.” The words slip out of his mouth before he can stop them, eyes still marveling at your chest. “What?” “Oh sorry,” he shifts awkwardly. His knuckles press into his hardening cock, trying to make it look like he was simply massaging his quad. “My brain doesn’t think so clearly after a workout. Just blurts stuff out. Don’t mind me I’m normally…” “No, I mean they are heavy. If you want to, you could lift them! Like, for exercise….” You try to joke, cunt pulsing with faint hope. “Might help with your problem.” Changbin pretends to consider your offer, counting to five as he inhales, trying to keep himself from screaming enthusiastically. “Problem? I don’t have a problem.” Both of your eyes flit down to the outline in his shorts and back to each other. “Sorry I just…” you mutter, heat of embarrassment pricking the tips of your ears. “I’m going to-” you start gesturing towards your usual treadmill in the corner window to escape from the entire incident. Even your lower half starts to turn, separate from your head, still bowed in apology, eyes to the floor.

“Stop her, stop her now,” the thought clouds Changbin’s vision, “stop her this is it, you have to.” His hand catches your shoulder, halting your step, he thinks his heart may stop as well. A tiny yip of shock bubbles from your lips. His grip is strong, stance solid, he plants you with him, unable to shake free even if you wanted to. You didn’t want to shake free. “No, you’re right,” his eyes dart around the large space. The two of you basically the only people there. “If you want to help, I’d appreciate it. A lot. Before I have to leave.” You blink. Stuttering incoherent vowels you follow him as he wordlessly turns and heads to an unmarked door in the far corner of the gym. Upon opening it, it’s clearly a staff bathroom, a single stall with harsh fluorescent lights and gray cement floors. The door clicks heavily and locks behind you. You don’t get much time to survey the surroundings before your back travels forcefully into the wall, Changbin caging you between his shoulders. Body pressed to you a small needy whine catches in his throat. “You’re okay? You want to help me out?” He gulps, eyes wide. You nod as his hands clasp and drag all over your body, revealing in the indentations his fingers make. “Gonna let me fuck your tits? God I need to fuck your tits. They’re all I think about. Please let me fuck your tits please, god,” his mouth carries on and on a mile a minute as he feels as much of you as he can. Twitching and trembling he finally lets his hands cup your breasts through your bra. Heavy and plush in his grasp, it’s somehow exactly as he imagined and even better. “So soft, you’ll let me fuck them, yeah?” “Ye-yeah-they’re sweaty but-” you apologetically murmur. His hands feel so good on your aching muscles, you wonder where else his hands would feel good. A flash of heat floods your sex. “Sweaty fine. It’s good. Great.” He shuffles his shorts down around his ankles, “please, hurry, please.” His cock is red and angry, precum coating and shining the tip. Getting down to eye level with it, he’s thick, mouthwateringly so. Hesitating you consider wrapping your lips around the head, just to see how much of him you could fit, a personal challenge to surmount. He whines, a leg bending and twitching, “leave the bra on.”

Your eyebrow shoots up but you oblige, sliding him under the band, nestled snugly between your mounds as you squeeze on either side. He eyelids flutter as the slip of sweat and precum coats his shaft. Sucking air in through his teeth he slowly thrusts along the tight crevice. The sight itself is enough to have him lightheaded, his cockhead just barely poking out of the top of your cleavage with each thrust upward, shiny and covered in body fluid. He doesn’t even realize the sounds he’s making. Small grunts under his breath mixed with reedy whines. Most of your partners had been relatively quiet about their enjoyment save for a few dirty phrases whispered closely to your ear. Changbin was the opposite, virtually impossible to shut up. “Feels good?” You encourage him further. “Tight around your thick cock?” “So tight. So soft. Fuck.” His eyes close, brows furrowed in concentration. Your voice is so quiet and sweet and he just wants to ruin you, or be ruined by you. His legs tremble and clench. “Spit on it. Just a little. Slowly.” Staring up at him you hold your tits in place, flush with his hips, and make a show of gathering spit in your mouth and slowly letting it drip from your tongue to the valley of your chest, gathering and sliding over the barely exposed slit of his cock. “Like this?” Changbin swallows hard. “Yeah like that baby.” He shudders, hands cupping over yours, squeezing harder. Hips snapping forcefully his thumbs ghost over your nipples, pebbled and pressed to the fabric of the cups. You thirst suddenly, mouth filling with spit. God damn it you want him so badly. You need to hear him cum, see his muscles tense and relax, watch as his face scrunches moments before everything becomes bliss. Your entire body thrums with need, tongue lolling out and down as if he fucked your breasts hard enough he could reach it. A worthy goal for him that he attempts, jostling you harder, grunting and groaning as he wills himself to breach the gap. Your bra is pink, your tongue is pink, your lips are pink, you’re all pink for him. His pink gym bunny. Suddenly he does it, the hot salty slit of his cock hits the very tip of your tongue. You moan, unable to form words. He does it again as you push your jaw just a little bit lower, aching at the joint. He can’t believe it, the heat of your mouth even briefly has his brain foggy and vision blurring. His stance falters. Thighs tensing and cock resting on your sternum he cums, spilling the warm pearly substance across your collarbone. “Shit,” he mutters between moans. He can’t stop his hips slow rutting, spreading his release further down the chasm of your tits. “Sorry, I can clean- I can take care of this for you. Fuck.” “You just want to touch my tits more, pervert.” You smile. He smiles and laughs, “yeah maybe.”

Changbin is LITERALLY the hardest for me to write so I’m trying to get his done earlier in the month so i don’t burn out and give up. He’s my bias so like...nothing ever feels quite “right” when I write him. If that makes sense.

However i love when others write him so please this is an open call for sending me your favorite Changbin centric fics in literally any pairing configuration.

#kinktober #kinktober 2023 #stray kids kinktober #skz kinktober #changbin smut #seo changbin smut #skz smut #stray kids smut

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sinning5sos · 9 months

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Having a baby with Calum would include...

2/4 in the father-to-be series :

Calum ~ would be really fucking excited but also really fucking nervous

“Okay so our baby is the size of a lime right now. A lime. Can you believe that?” Calum read off, scrolling through his phone in the bathroom as he got ready for bed. He looked over at you, and smiled as he looked at your stomach, a tiny yet noticeable bump there.

“A fucking lime!” He repeated, “That’s insane. We did that. We made a freaking baby and it’s living.”

“The three month mark is an important one too,” You said, continuing to read your book and Calum hummed to himself as he started brushing his teeth.

“Baby, did you know that it’s good for your pregnancy for you to cum?” Calum stated, and you burst out laughing at your husband. He looked up from his phone as he finished brushing his teeth in the bathroom.

“Calum,” You breathed out, holding your stomach slightly as you looked over at him. He spit into the sink and rinsed, then tucked his phone into the pocket of his sweatpants.

“I’m telling you the truth!” Calum exclaimed, and you continued to laugh at how incredulous he was.

“I’m sorry, I don’t believe you.” You giggled, and he threw his hands up over his head as he collapsed onto the bed beside you.

“Then let me show you,” Calum murmured and he turned over in bed. You put your book down on the bedside table and

“Before you do that, explain. And Cal, I’m only three months along.” You reasoned, and he chuckled as he knelt between your legs.

“Orgasms cause a release of endorphins and oxytocin, and orgasms apparently help you prepare for giving birth. And that will help you in six months. So obviously, we need to practice.”

“Hmm. Fine, come on baby.” You said, winking at him and he chuckled as he pushed your (his) tshirt up, and kissed the inside of your thighs gently.

Other pregnancy things from Cal would include -

Ice cream runs at any time of the day

Helping you shower/bathe, especially toward the end of your pregnancy

Lotioning your stomach and giving you light massages

Lots of innocent touches

Lots of naughty touches too

Playing music for the baby and slipping in some old school rock music to educate the baby

Reading to the baby too

Just lots of enrichment for the baby

Him researching everything that can help and nearly passing out at the information of when you’re about to give birth

Having three different bags and birth plans ready to go in case of anything

#sinning5sos #calum hood #5sos #5sos smut #5sos imagines #5 seconds of summer #calum #cth #cth imagines #Calum imagines #Calum au #Calum hood imagines #calum hood 5sos #Calum 5sos #dad!calum

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quicktosimp · 5 months

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Little Tease, Little Rough

Kinkmas Day 10

Part 2 of This

Warnings: Breath Play, Rough Sex, Alien Genitals, Biting, Dirty Talk, Degrigation, Breeding Kink

A/N: Started writing at work, didn't like how it turned out (for this prompt), and started fresh at 12:04am, I hope this is intelligible.

@neteyamsyawntu

“It’d never fucking enough for you, is it?” Aonung sneered as Rotxo thrust inside me, the spins of his cock attempting to lock in place but forced out, scraping my inside gloriously.

“I! Oh, yes, fuck!” I moaned aimlessly; Rotxo’s cock was attempting to turn me inside out with each drag of the spines.

“We treat you like a princess. You get everything you could dream of, but instead, you just want to be our whore, spread out on our cocks until you can't move the next day.” Aonung’s voice was filled with disgust.

All I could do was moan shamelessly. Rotxo’s hands were on my hips in a punishing grip; bite marks and hickeys littered my body; I was a mess of slick, saliva, blood, sweat, and cum. As they both have used my body many times since the water. I lay there helplessly. I no longer have any energy to move and can only accept what they give me. The tip of Roxto’s cock hits my swollen cervix; both of their cocks have locked inside so many times it can barely close now. Each trust of his hips brings his cock back to my cervix, and the spines on his cock attempt to lock inside again, only to be ripped away, causing a shooting pleasure mixed with pain.

“Such a fucking slut. You know I read some of those books you like to read, and you are such a naughty girl. Maybe I should do some of those things I read in your little tawtute book. We can lock you up and keep you full of our seed as your stomach swells with our child,” Aonung comes into view as he laminated his loss, “But I can’t do that. You’re too useful, but there is something I can do,” He finishes darkly, a smirk covering his face.

His right arm has a tattoo expanding from his shoulder down to his hand, one that I couldn’t stop staring at when he first got it. And here it was close up, as his fingers wrapped around my throat. The grip was gentle initially before squeezing just enough to cut off circulation. My head swam from his grip, knowing that my life was literally in his hands, that Aonung could squeeze just too tight, and I’d be gone.

Aonung relaxed his grip, and the blood rushed back to my head, filling me with endorphins. I gasped as they hit me, and Rotxo gave a particularly hard thrust after he waited long enough for his spines to begin to lock again.

“Look at that, our sluts been fucked dumb,” Aonung smiled teasingly as his grip tightened again.

My eyes roll into the back of my head, Rotxo’s dick driving me to insanity and Aonung stealing every last bit of sanity left in me. I could not do anything but let out broken gasps as Rotxo leaned down and took my nipple into his mouth, tonguing it roughly as he bit down, his teeth leaving bloody marks on my tit. Aonung let go of my neck, and I screamed as my climax hit me harder than I thought possible. There was no build-up. Every part of my body felt like a live wire, shooting pleasure shocked through my entire body as I continued to scream. I writhed against Roxto’s as he had finally stilled, his cock locking in place, sealing my womb full of his cum, as more poured into me.

When I opened my eyes, Aonung had Rotxo by the base of his kuru while their lips engaged in a battle of dominance that Aonung had won long ago. I moan at the sight, loving seeing my mates together intimately. Parting, they turned back to me, saliva connecting them, before falling onto me.

Aonung chuckled darkly, “Don’t worry, we’ll start round eight soon,” as his hand went back for my throat.

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wool-f · 1 year

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Wellness: Through & Through | Part Two: Pilates

If you subscribe to me, you’d know I posted a video on my channel not very long ago about my experience trying pilates for two months. It’s now been four months, and I can fully say that I am a member of the pilates cult that seems to be taking girl social media by storm.

I remember the first time I really began to see the rise in popularity of reformer, and it was just after an article where Lori Harvey said she loved pilates. After that, pilates was everywhere, and I really mean everywhere.

On TikTok, Instagram, Facebook even, my colleagues in the office were talking about how they were thinking of trying it, and my friends were signing up to expensive studios around Melbourne to get into the newest fad of fitness.

I say fad very loosely, because once I began classes at my local studio, I realised this trend was very quickly going to become a habit for me.

I’ll be honest, I was doubtful about whether pilates would do anything crazy to my body, and boy was I surprised! I had heard one of my friends talk about it previously but didn’t really think anything of it, until suddenly every second girl and their mother were achieving insane results from five 45 minute workouts a week.

I was flawed. I wish I’d listened to my friend sooner (take this as a lesson well learnt from me). So my friend and I decided to join a studio, and we got a pretty good starter deal. Pilates is quite expensive, it’s definitely not an affordable fitness method if you’re wanting to go to an actual studio, I will say that much.

Four months down the track, I can genuinely say I’ve never stuck to any fitness regime the way I have stuck to pilates, and I have never felt better. In the first two months of going to pilates consistently, I dropped FOUR KILOGRAMS without trying.

A disclaimer to this is that I never started this wellness adventure to lose weight - I don’t hate my body or myself, and I always wanted the focus to remain on how I feel about myself and my mental wellbeing, and what ways my physical health could assist with improving those aspects of my life. That being said, I can’t ignore the obvious difference in my body since beginning pilates.

Outside that, and now that I am well into my pilates obsession, I have a few notes on the difference it has made on my body.

I feel stronger in all ways, and I’m sleeping way better. I have gotten myself into the routine of getting up early to go to the studio and take a class before my work day begins and I notice that I have so much more mental clarity and motivation throughout my day. If I don’t get up and exercise before beginning my workday I often feel lethargic and foggy in my mind. I love the feeling of finishing a class and coming out of the heated room into the fresh air - my cheeks flushed and lungs breathing in the crisp smells of the early morning, and the satisfaction I feel when I finish a really tough class. I have increased my weight usage from 2kgs being my difficult weight to 4kg. I’m just happier as a person, obviously because any exercise creates endorphins.

If you’ve been looking for a sign to try out pilates, let it be this - it is honestly the best investment I’ve ever made in my health and fitness, and it’s an inclusive environment. It’s not necessarily price effective if you want to go to a studio, but there are so many free videos on YouTube you can use too - please try it if you’re even thinking about it.

If you are joining me on this group science experiment, investigating what wellness truly means and how I am achieving it, both physically and mentally, welcome! Comment below any suggestions or trends you are seeing to do with wellness that you’re too afraid to try yourself - I will try them. Also let me know if you tried pilates because of this post or my video! I’d love to hear your feedback :)

If you want to follow along with this experiment with me on a daily basis, please follow my Instagram and TikTok accounts, I am much more active on there and will have little updates throughout the weeks that I am posting the videos.

Leave any comments down below or in my questions box, and we can chat!

Until next week, all my love,

G xx

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tigerdrop · 2 years

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hello everyone . i have.....an image. on my website. i started thinking about that werewolf AU thing again and could not stop thinking

i dont remember if i posted the half-finished werewolf fic i was noodling on but i will post it here for u anyway. as a treat

The point is, hanging out with guys from work isn’t that out of the ordinary. Plenty of the other researchers do it. And there’s not much else to do on the weekends but shoot the shit with that security guard who’s always lingering around his wing. The one who’s all… rules-lawyer-y and irritating and determined to be a thorn in Gordon’s side, sure, but it’s not like any of the other security guards talk to him much.

The fact that Benrey’s a fucking werewolf ought to throw a wrench in things. But like he said - he’s gotten used to it. Gordon’s threshold for bullshit has increased tenfold since he started to work at Black Mesa. The more worrying thing, in his opinion, is that they are definitely going to fuck.

It’s not like it was a foregone conclusion, he thinks desperately, as he idles away his lunch break by spinning the wheels in his head like a hamster. Their whole thing started off, like, normal! If you find out that your coworker is also of the canine persuasion, it just makes sense that you’d hang out and do canine things every once in awhile. Chasing chickens can get you shot out here in the desert. Chasing each other? Not so much. It was as much for Gordon’s benefit as Benrey’s, even if Gordon’s not exactly the one scaring goats and tearing up abandoned RVs when he gets a little stir-crazy.

Howling at the moon together was one thing. But Gordon’s not sure who started all the… playing. Fighting. Roughhousing. It just felt good to get all that animal energy out of him, okay? And Benrey’s the only guy he knows who can keep up with him. That’s what sealed his fate, probably. All that exercise gives him endorphins, right, and endorphins make you feel good, and humans are social creatures ruled by hormones (and he’s still half-human, at least) and he got to associating those good feelings with the one guy who drives him the most fucking insane in the entire complex. Good feelings like… like the shivers that crawl up the back of Gordon’s neck when he feels Benrey jam his snout up against his hairline and sniff. Or that heavy weight crushing him to the ground while Benrey chuffs at him. Or the feeling of hands, broad and massive and tipped with sharp, sharp claws, palming at his stomach and pinning him and pushing and pulling and manhandling and—

And—

Gordon blinks, and he’s already late to get back to his shift. Shit.

Every day that passes brings him closer to the full moon, and every unreadable gaze that Benrey fixes him with in the hallways brings him closer to a neurotic breakdown. Because they are definitely going to fuck. He can feel it.

He’s been aware of that electric tension in the air for months, now, because now he can smell just how bad Benrey’s got it for him. He— Gordon thought it was a joke, okay? He’s used to jokes like that. But Benrey can’t fake those pheromones that roll off of him in waves, every time he bows his head to invite Gordon to play. Gordon couldn’t pick up on shit like that before the whole… Nintendogging thing.

And even if he didn’t have his nose on his side, well. Benrey’s been acting kind of funny lately, anyway. Squeezing him tighter. Panting harder. Grinding his teeth. Letting his tongue loll out of his mouth, like he’s trying so hard to take in Gordon’s scent that he thinks he can taste it. And Gordon’s pretty sure he’s felt something worryingly boner-like pressed against him before, but he’s never felt like he should ask. He doesn’t wanna be the guy to break kayfabe and broach the subject. Like, maybe Benrey’s not even aware it’s happening. Or at least, that’s what he tries to convince himself of, because he’s having a very hard time coming to grips with the fact that he wouldn’t mind. That he’s dwelled on the idea a little too much. That his Google searches have gotten really fucking weird lately.

By the time that moon waxes into fullness again, Gordon has spent an obscene amount of time trying to come to grips with this. And, for the most part, he has failed.

Their usual haunt is a dry, sandy clearing just outside the town borders, a plot of land stretching out into the desert with a half-assed barbed wire fence wrapped around the side. The signs tacked to the fenceposts read “No Trespassing”, but they’re hardly the only ones to ignore them, judging by the way it’s been used as an impromptu dump. This month, the new additions include a busted toilet and a couch with a massive burn hole in the cushions. Gordon sits on it while he waits, tugging nervously at the sides of the ugly beanie he’s wearing. It was cheap. It hides his dog ears. What more do you want out of him?

There’s a shuffling in the distance. Gordon’s ears might be muffled, but they prick up anyway. It’s probably Benrey, but he can’t say for sure, because he’s been wrong before and having to explain the fucking dog ears to a stranger who’s just as freaked out as he is about being caught trespassing left its own indelible mark on him. (Perpetual embarrassment, mostly.)

He cranes his neck to look for the source, but—

Something hits him, from his blind spot— a massive weight, a force tackling him clear off the couch, and he lets out a shout until he hits the ground and all the air bursts from his lungs with a loud “woof”. He rolls— they roll— until they come to a stop, dust kicked up from underneath them and making Gordon cough. Once his eyes stop watering and he can breathe again, he looks up.

Benrey. Tongue lolling. Tail wagging. Clearly having turned before he got here. Gordon closes his eyes, long-suffering.

“You wanna give me some warning next time, man?” Gordon coughs out.

“i did warn you. take that… stupid hat off, huh, maybe you’ll hear me better next time. even said your name and everything - ‘here, doggy, doggy.’”

“What— Fuck off, no you didn’t!” He squirms in Benrey’s grip, but the guy’s got a tight hold on his wrists. So he’s resorting to surprise tactics to get the upper hand, huh? “What kinda werewolf are you? Scared you’re not gonna win if you don’t, fucking, scare me half to death first—”

Benrey barks out a laugh, cutting him off. His face is… really close, actually. Close enough that Gordon can smell his breath. It’s not exactly pleasant, but at least it’s drowned out by the, uh, the other things Gordon’s picking up on. The heady smell he’s come to associate with Benrey on nights like this: warm, musky, a little sour. A little overwhelming.

Then he drags Gordon out of that train of thought by gingerly plucking that beanie off of Gordon’s head. Gordon blinks. He’s got an arm free now, sure, but he’s not really thinking about that right now. His dog ears twitch from the sudden chill.

“no handicaps. fox only. final destination,” Benrey says.

He dangles Gordon’s beanie above his face, just within reach, but when the gears in Gordon’s head churn at last and he swipes at Benrey’s hands, Benrey yanks it away again. And again. It’s so goddamn hard to lunge properly when Benrey’s crushing his legs like this! And he’s just sitting there, staring at Gordon with impassive, heavily-lidded eyes. As if Gordon can’t tell he’s laughing in his little fucking circus show of a brain.

“Fucking— Give me that!” Gordon throws all his weight into it.

“try harder.” And Benrey just jerks it out of his reach.

It’s stupid. It’s so stupid. He’s a grown man. He doesn’t care that much about the hat. But he can’t drag his eyes away, either.

Wants it. Wants the hat. Knows better than to go after the stupid hat. He’s not an animal. He wants the hat. Benrey’s smirking at him. Something hot crawls up his shoulders - embarrassment. He almost snatches the hat in his teeth. They click together.

Click. Growl.

He wants it. He’s better than this. His heart’s pounding. He’s livid. He’s exhilarated. Benrey needs to quit fucking with him and let him get his goddamn hat!

“whassamatter?” Benrey taunts, leaning in closer. His nose is just inches from Gordon’s. “gettin’ mad? huh? gonna die mad about it, maybe—”

Gordon cuts him off with a sudden lunge forward, cracking their skulls together. All Benrey can do is grunt in surprise and draw back again.

“ow, what the hell, man?” whines Benrey. He gingerly rubs at his nose.

He’s not looking at Gordon anymore. He’s not braced evenly. The beanie dangles from his claws like an afterthought. Gordon wrests his body to the side in one last-ditch effort to free himself, and—

And Benrey lets out a strangled sound as Gordon rocks him off-balance, toppling him to the ground. Gordon’s on him in a heartbeat - he pounces, trying to shove Benrey flat against the dusty earth, but Benrey rolls and Gordon grips at his arms and they both tumble, around and around like laundry in a washing machine. It’s sloppy and chaotic and Gordon can’t keep himself from laughing, the thrill of physical exertion bursting out of him in a loud bark.

Eventually, their momentum grinds to a halt, and Gordon’s the one sitting smugly on top of him. Hat in hand. His tail thumps against Benrey’s side.

“You’re messing with the wrong guy. I’m in the zone tonight, man. Been doing a bunch of cardio lately,” Gordon tells him. Excitement and adrenaline make his words tumble out of him in a rush. “Black Mesa’s really good for jogging around, did you know that? And I’ve started doing squats at my desk, too. Got the idea from one of my podcasts. I think it’s really paying off!” Gordon’s tail lifts up, and it flicks back and forth erratically. Subconsciously.

Benrey’s eyes fixate on the motion, following it back and forth, back and forth. As if he’s not listening. “uh huh.”

“Hey, Earth to Benrey. Are you even paying attention to me?” he says testily, snapping his fingers in front of Benrey’s face.

“wuh?” Benrey blinks, but it takes him a solid couple of seconds to drag his gaze away from Gordon’s tail.

Irritation mounts in him.

————————-

Benrey squeezes him tight against his chest, one arm looped around Gordon’s upper body and the other around his stomach. A clawed hand scrabbles at the hem of Gordon’s shirt, worming its way underneath, broad and hot against his skin. Gordon sucks in a sharp breath - God, it’s so big that it almost spans the width of him when Benrey’s got his fingers all splayed out like that, as if he’s trying to palm as much of Gordon as he can in one go. And he’s a pretty big guy. That’s saying something.

Sharp nails dig into him, and he can’t help the nasal little whine he makes in response. Like he’s a fucking dog. (No matter how much dog hair he has to get off his sheets every month, Gordon Freeman is not a dog. He has a master’s degree, for God’s sake!) It’s, it’s just fear, it’s the expected human response to the very real threat of Benrey gutting him like a pig, and that’s all it is. Heart pounding. Sweating. Shivering. And the anticipatory flush that crawls down his face to his chest, that’s, uh, that’s a normal fear response, too.

Against his neck, he feels something cold and wet. He shudders visibly, and Benrey huffs through his nose. A heavy breath follows, hot, humid, and so close to Gordon’s ear that it makes goosebumps pebble on his skin. He’s… he’s sniffing Gordon. Panting, even.

“bullshit,” Benrey rasps. “been watchin’ you all night. you think you’re so smart ‘cuz you’re not just some… fuckin’… security guard,” he continues, voice low and throaty and right in Gordon’s ear, and he grips Gordon tighter. “but you’re stupid as shit, ivy league. i can smell it on you.”

Gordon chokes. When he struggles, he feels those pinpoint pressures sharpen, a warning not to move too much. So he tries to meter his breathing and keep himself very, very still.

“What are you talking about?” he bluffs.

Benrey sucks in a deep breath at the nape of Gordon’s neck. “fuuuck, gordon,” he slurs, before abruptly rolling them to the side.

Gordon’s flipped belly-up, still crushed against Benrey’s chest, and he yelps - he swears Benrey’s claws are gonna slip, his abdomen’s thrust up into the air, he feels exposed and vulnerable and incredibly fleshy, like, in a ‘carcass on a butcher’s block’ kind of way.

[and then they fuck i guess. Yippee]

#my art #writin stuff #(banging pots and pans) Did You Know Im A Big Goddamn Furry

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silversatoru · 3 years

Text

one more day

gojo satoru x f!reader

synopsis: Gojo's been sizing you up from across the club for awhile now, so when you walk out onto the empty balcony and give him the perfect opportunity to shoot his shot, he's more than happy to do so. After charming you with his oh so eloquent words, he may or may not fuck the shit out of you in the back of his car.

tags/warnings: smut, with a little bit of plot, if you squint you might be able to see the plot, very nsfw (18+), bar/club au

word count: 2.5k

a/n: i based the plot/idea of this fic on the song HER by chase atlantic. if you know it, i love you, lets be friends. if you don't, i highly recommend it, its a bop and a half

Gojo gracefully lifted his whiskey sour up to his lips, taking a small sip and closing his eyes. The music was getting loud and he hadn’t met a single interesting person here tonight. He exhaled deeply — this would be his last drink and then he’d probably call it early tonight and head home.

He sat the nearly empty glass back down on the bar counter top and slid some cash to the bartender before turning around and scanning the club one last time. His lazy eyes shot open when he saw you standing with your friends across the room, his interest suddenly piqued. He hadn’t noticed you before, but now that he did, he couldn’t leave without talking to you.

You seemed lost in your own thoughts, aimlessly dancing with your friends with a fake smile plastered across your face. Your façade was terribly see-through, though none of your friends seemed to notice, or maybe they just didn’t care.

Eventually, you separated from your group, heading up the stairs and towards the balcony of the club. Gojo watched as you walked, a slight wobble to your gait and an expensive looking handbag dangling from your wrist.

He gave you a two-minute head start, and then made his way up the stairs and out onto the balcony as well. You two were the only one’s insane enough to go out there, the winter air incredibly frigid at this time of night. He strode over and took a seat opposite you, a relaxed expression on his face.

You lifted your cigarette from your lips, blowing out a puff of smoke and giving him a small smile, “Hey, pretty-boy, I had a feeling you’d be joining me out here”.

“I had a feeling you only came out here so I’d follow you,” His words were care-free but perfectly composed.

“Maybe,” You laugh, taking another drag from your cigarette and propping your feet up on the table.

Gojo sat back, fully taking you in now. You were wearing a silky red dress, the extravagant fabric clinging perfectly to every curve of your body. Your hands flashed with several gold rings and long, shiny black nails -- cigarettes didn’t belong in fingers that beautiful.

“Your little show you’re putting on for everyone is pitiful you know. Some improv classes might help” Gojo prodded at you.

“That’s a new one. Is this how you flirt with all girls?” You couldn’t help but laugh — a light elegant laugh that was music to the silver-haired man’s ears.

“Of course not, but I’ve also never met someone who was such a bad actor before,” He crossed one of his long legs over the other, his own lips cracking a small smile.

“I’ve never met someone who was so weirdly good at reading people. How long were you watching me?” You jab back at him, putting out your cigarette and tossing it into a nearby trash bin.

“Not too long,” He shrugged, “So, what’s your deal? Mommy issues? You seem like someone who has mommy issues”.

You laughed again, this strange man continuing to catch you incredibly off guard, “So close. My mom wasn’t great but I think it’s more of a daddy issues thing”.

“Ouch,” He clicked his tongue, “Mommy and daddy issues, you’re the total package huh? I bet there’s a couple toxic ex-boyfriend’s in there too, right?”

“You could say that,” You give him a playful glance.

“How about you let me take it all away tonight? All the pain,” He leaned forward now, his icy blue eyes practically peering into your soul.

His offer sounded absolutely perfect — you could use a nice distraction from the shit-show that was your life.

“We can do whatever you want, pretty-boy, just don’t fall in love with me, okay? I don’t do second rounds,” You winked at him, standing up from your seat and offering him a hand.

“Deal,” Gojo laced his fingers through yours and stood up, a smirk tugging at his lips.

“How big is your car?” You ask while the two of you stride through the club, hand in hand.

“Big enough if we put the back seats down,” He looked down at you with hazy eyes.

“Perfect”.

It didn’t take long for Gojo to put down the back seats of his relatively large, black SUV — and before you knew it he was swiftly pulling you inside and locking the doors.

It was too dark to see much of anything, so you flinched when he wrapped a firm arm around your waist and flipped you underneath him. You expected a rough kiss to your lips, but were taken by surprise when you felt a subtle touch on your neck instead. He left gentle, wet kisses up both sides of your neck, soft sighs of bliss slipping out from between your lips.

The gentle kisses slowly got more intense, his teeth leaving small nibbles and his tongue working furiously against your skin. You caught yourself wondering how that tongue would feel on other parts of your body.

You traced your fingers up his arms and cupped them around his cheeks, pulling his face to meet yours. You were desperate to actually kiss him, parting your lips and placing a kiss to his incredibly soft lips. He was quick to deepen it, his long fingers intertwining themselves in your hair. Sparks of electricity were going off in your head, your thoughts blurring together as you lost yourself in Gojo Satoru’s captivating kiss.

He slowly pulled away after a couple minutes, his breaths heavy.

“Can I take your clothes off, angel?”

You whisper a small confirmation, your skin tingling under his soft touches. You quickly twisted onto your stomach and he swiftly pulled the zipper down the back of your dress. He carefully removed the silky material from your body, leaving you in only your undergarments.

He ran his cool fingertips up your sides, inspecting every inch of your body with his curious hands. A heavy breath shuddered from his throat as he pressed his lips onto your torso, his breath hot against your cool skin. He left kisses all over your body, sucking hard on the sensitive spots and leaving you breathlessly wanting more.

His kisses got lower and lower until he was sucking on a sensitive patch of skin on the inside of your thigh. He lifted his head and you could practically feel his heavy breaths hitting the heat between your legs.

“I can take these off too?” He asked, slipping his slender fingers under the band of your underwear.

“Please,” you exhale, curling your fingers into his soft, fluffy hair.

After gaining confirmation, he wastes no time pulling the panties down your legs and throwing them to the side. His warm tongue was quick to find your clit, swirling in small, gentle circles. He sucked the small nub into his mouth, gently nibbling on it and sending intense shivers coursing through your body. Soft, strangled moans escaped your lips as he continued to work, his hot tongue lapping up and down your slick entrance.

Your fingers curled tighter in his hair, yanking hard when he pressed his tongue deep into your entrance. This was complete bliss — you had a terrible habit of one-night stands but no one had ever made you feel this good — and you hadn’t even gotten to the main course yet.

He lifted his head and pressed a small kiss to your lower abdomen before sitting up. His slender hands went straight to the buckles of his trousers, his fingers working quickly to get them undone. You sat up and moved towards him, ready to reciprocate the favor he just did for you — but he quickly pushed you away.

“Lay down, angel. I told you, tonight’s about making you feel good,” His words were smooth and serious, and they made your heart beat a little faster.

You were more than happy to oblige, leaning back and enjoying the show while he finished removing his boxers. Your eyes had adjusted to the dark now, and your stomach filled with butterflies when his full length was finally exposed. You sucked in a sharp breath, worried that his lengthy shaft would cause more pain than pleasure.

He pulled out a condom and expertly slid it down to the base of his cock, and when he looked up again, he seemed to notice your hesitancy.

“Relax, baby. I’ll start slow,” He whispered, leaning forward and pressing more gentle kisses to the sides of your face while he teased your entrance.

Shudders ripped through your body as he rubbed the tip of his length up and down your swollen pussy, a small snicker audible from his lips as he nibbled on your earlobe. You roughly bucked up your hips, desperate for more than what he was teasing you with.

“Relax,” he repeated, but this time it sounded more like an order.

Again, you obliged, but not without a small whimper sneaking its way out of your mouth.

He did exactly what he said he would, positioning the tip of his cock and slowly pushing it inside of you. He carefully inserted his entire length, your body tensing up underneath him. He leaned down and pressed another kiss to your cheek bone, whispering feverishly in your ear.

“You okay?”

You give him an eager nod, the initial pain of taking his massive length slowly starting to subside.

“Good,” he mumbled, beginning short, tender strokes that made your entire body feel like it was on fire.

Heavy, raspy groans forced their way out of both of your throats — your hands grasping fiercely at tufts of his hair. He gradually increased his pace as your walls adjusted to his size, and somehow it managed to feel better and better each time.

Gojo let out a deep groan, his head dipping low as endorphins exploded within him, causing a blissful feeling to wash over his body. Your light moans and scattered whimpers were filling his ears, and he decided they were his new favorite sound. He’d do whatever it took to keep those beautiful noises coming out of your pretty mouth.

We can do whatever you want, pretty-boy, just don’t fall in love with me, okay? Your words echoed in his head. Normally, that kind of thing wouldn’t be a problem for Gojo, but as he stared down at the dimly illuminated silhouette of your body — he realized he was breaking the deal. You were breathtaking, every curve of your body felt perfect against his hands, and he knew he’d need to see you again — one night wasn’t enough.

His hips began thrusting faster, forcing the tip of his cock impossibly deeper inside of you, a strangled cry forcing its way out of your lips. He groaned and threw his head back at the sound of your whimpers, his own need building stronger in his stomach. Your head felt like it was spinning, each thrust sending electrical pulses of pleasure through your core.

Gojo slowed his hips for just a moment, leaning down and whispering in your ear.

“I want you to come, tell me how you like it,” his words sent a series of shivers all the way down to your fingertips.

“Fuck, from behind, please,” You whined back, your voice shaky and filled with need.

“Okay, get up,” he instructed, pulling back and removing his shaft from inside you.

You sucked in a sharp breath of air at his sudden absence, quickly climbing into position and desperate to feel him inside of you again.

“Such a good girl,” he cooed, firmly grasping his hand around either side of your hips.

He wasted no time driving forward and sheathing himself back into your tight cunt, raspy groans ripping through his throat. It didn’t take long for that warm pressure to build up in your core, your hips shifting back against his to help him get even deeper. Your moans and whimpers got louder, more needy, filled with desperation — you needed to come so badly, and you were painfully stuck right on the cusp.

“Come for me, angel. Let me make you feel good,” he murmured — his gently, lusty voice exactly what you needed to push you over the edge.

Your body began to shake, a warm feeling erupting in your stomach as your walls clenched hard against his cock. Pleasure-filled cries filled the car, your body heaving and convulsing as the intense contractions coursed through you.

Gojo rolled his hips back, caught off guard by just how good it felt to have you come all over him. He felt his own climax suddenly wash over him, raspy strings of curse words rattling out of his mouth as he slammed hard into your hips. You whined loudly in response, the intensity of his peak greatly enhancing your own.

A few moments later you were both collapsed next to each other, the only sound being your uneven breaths.

“I think I broke our deal,” Gojo spoke between heavy breaths, “I want to see you again”.

You let out a shaky laugh, still catching your own breath, “I tried to warn you, I don’t do second dates”.

“Mhm, but this is different, right? I know no one has ever made you feel that good before,” he rolled over to face you.

“Maybe,” You shoot him a side-ways glance.

“So, let me make you feel good again,” He was practically pleading with you, “I can make your pain better, just give me one more day. And then one more day after that too. Just keep giving me one day, until there’s no more days left to give”.

You let out a heavy sigh, your heart aching at the idea of getting to know this mysterious man a little bit better.

“I’ll be honest, your offer is incredibly tempting,” You turn so you’re facing him too.

“So accept it,” he smiled, his eyes darker and heavier than they’d been all night.

“If we’re lucky enough for our paths to intertwine a second time, I’ll consider it,” You smile back, sitting up and slipping your dress over your head.

“Zip this for me?” You turn around so your back is facing Gojo.

One of his soft hands rested firmly on your hip to hold the fabric in place, and the second carefully zipped up your dress. A chill ran through your shoulders at just how gentle he’d consistently been with your body all night.

“Thank you,” You mumbled as you reached for your underwear, pulling them back up around your hips.

Gojo hummed in response, gathering his own clothes and slipping them back on.

“What’s your name, pretty-boy?” You coo at him as you slip your heels back onto your feet.

“Gojo Satoru. Do I have the pleasure of getting to know yours?” He peered over at you, lazily pulling his shirt back over his head.

“No, that’s a secret for now. But if we do meet again, I’ll tell you,” A small smirk tugged at the corners of your lips, “And by the way, I do hope we meet again, Gojo Satoru”.

#jjk gojo #gojo #gojo satoru #gojo x reader #gojo x female reader #gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru x female reader #jujutsukaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen smut #gojo smut #gojo satoru smut #smut

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sup-hoes-its-me · 3 years

Text

Happy (Naruto x Reader)

Request: "I was thinking of something that Naruto and Reader have been best friends for a long time, and one day she gets hurt on a mission, and he cries, but in the end everything ends well."

A/N: request for @writing-x-reader sorry it took so long, end of the semester has been very difficult. Also my first naruto fic. We will see how it goes. Hope I did your request justice! Not proof read at all, sorry about that.

Word count: 3000

_____

Jeez, how was it that someone like her managed to meet someone as perfect as him? It felt surreal.

She wanted to kiss him. She felt herself leaning forward just slightly, feeling her heart rate beat swiftly in her chest at the sight of his tired eyes laying beside her. He blew out steady breaths through his lips, and she thought they looked more kissable than ever before. He was such a sweet guy, so handsome and kind and brave, and everything in between. She wanted him to be completely hers, but that wasn’t happening.

So she laid back down beside him on the plush grass and sighed.

Could they ever be anything more than friends? It seemed impossible. He had that long time crush on Sakura, for one. But he was also so dumb when it came to love and all those things. He couldn’t get her hints, and she was too shy to just tell him outright. It just seemed like a hopeless dream to think they would ever date.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“You got a piece of something stuck in your hair.” Her hands ran to touch the strands that hung around her head, and he just laughed with a shake of his head. “Let me get it,” he told her softly, reaching out to take a piece of leaf from her hair. She felt her cheeks begin to heat up at his touch, and his kindness, and the way he was looking at her like she was the only thing in the world that mattered.

"Thanks."

"You know, you should wear your hair down more often. It looks really nice on you. I like it," the blond commented, his head propped up in his hand, hair falling into his face and shading over his eyes. He had that kind smile across his face, whiskers and all just adding to the look she adored.

Her cheeks grew warmer at his words and she opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. Her nerves had silenced her. Instead, she simply shook her head and lowered her eyes, too bashful to maintain the eye contact.

"You- You're beautiful, you know? You really shouldn't be so shy."

Her heart raced at his words, and Y/N felt herself falling into a state of confusion and frustration. How could he say those things so casually, when to her it felt like he was playing with her entire heart in his hands? He was just so nice, and he always knew the right thing to say to make her like him even more, even deeper than she realized.

"Naruto..."

He laughed, leaning back against the grass and kicking one leg over the other. "What? Just being honest. Thought girls liked compliments?"

"No, no, I do. Thank you. I really should build confidence but it's not as easy as you think."

It was quiet for a moment, and she took that as her chance to get away, to clear her head and sort through all these conflicting thoughts.

Quickly, she gathered herself up and stood from the grass. She couldn’t be here anymore. She felt too many conflicting emotions running through her mind. She just wanted to be with him, but that was impossible. It made her stomach turn at the thought, and she just needed to get away, run as far as she could so she could be alone with her embarrassing crush on the hero of the leaf.

“I’ve got to go, Naruto.”

“Aw, really? It was so much fun just chilling here with you.”

He was having a good time? Of course he was, they were best friends. They wouldn't be friends if he didn't have a fun time when she was around. She shook her head softly to drown out her loud thoughts. “I’ll see you on our mission tomorrow, yeah?”

“Yep. See you.”

“Bye.”

She walked off with heat in her cheeks and heart resting upon her sleeve. She was just so stupid. Crushing on someone so unattainable. The next opportunity she got to confess to him, she would. Just get it done instead of obsessively thinking about it all the time. It was driving her insane, and she needed to fix the situation. Whatever happened, she just hoped they remained friends afterwards.

He was a sweet guy, he would most likely stay her friend and just forget about everything, right?

Just stop thinking about it all, she scolded herself. It wqould only make her more nervous, or even avoid confessing at all. What had to be done, would be done. Whether they stayed the same afterwards or not would be a different story, and she could only hope for the best.

_______

The blade came down upon Y/N with enough strength to pierce her skin and run all the way down her chest, tearing through the skin and some muscle as it did so. She cried out, so surprised by the attack that her eyes widened and she had to do a double take. That man was behind her just a second ago, how did he get so close so fast? She didn’t know. All she knew was that blood was soaking deep into her tunic.

If she had the strength left in her lungs, she would call out for her teammate, for Ino, to come and help her. She was a medical nin, right? But her chest ached, and the most she could get from her lips was a mere whisper.

Everything hurt. Her body burned like fire had touched it, and her skin was hot and sticky to the touch.

She laid back on the ground, without any hope. Someone would get to her when they finished whatever they were doing, she just had to wait. It couldn’t be long.

And it wasn’t.

Naruto stood above her in an instant, and he was quick to fall to his knees at her side. His hands anxiously hovered over the long cut from the knife, and if she were seeing correct, they were shaking fiercely. The strong and brave Naruto brought to a quivering state? She couldn’t believe it. Maybe if he had found Sakura lying here instead, she could understand, but not her. She wasn’t anything special.

“Y/N? Y/N? Are you alright?” he asked, leaning in closer to her face.

“I'll be okay,” she whispered, reaching her hand out to latch onto one of his. He grabbed up her hand the second he saw her struggle, and cradled it within his own, squeezing maybe a little too hard for comfort, but she could definitely manage. She could feel the heart radiating from his warm hands into her dripping cold ones. A small smile crossed her lips at the feeling, holding his hands. It was nice.

“Y/N, please. Ino- I don’t know where Ino went. Just keep trying for a little longer,” he pleaded,and at this point, she noticed the tears that were brimming his eyes, sliding down his cheeks so silently, she probably wouldn’t notice them any other time if she weren’t so entranced by his features through the hazy lens. “Please, don’t die.”

“I-I don’t know, Naruto.”

“Yes, you do know! Don’t just give up , please! Don’t give up for me, okay?” he exclaimed, and she winced at the height of his voice. Quickly, the boy hushed down, collapsing down at her side from all the sadness seeping into his body. “You just can’t die. I need you,” he whimpered, wiping away at his tears with his shoulder.

“Naruto-”

“I know you’re my best friend, and I know you don’t see me this way, but I love you, Y/N. I’ve felt that way for the longest time,” he confessed, and she felt her heart pick up in her chest, skipping a beat at the sudden confession. He loved her. Naruto Uzumaki, the boy of her dreams, was in love with her. She was high on the endorphins running through her body, and a soft smile lifted on her face. He only clutched at her hands harder, tears continuing to drip heavily down his cheeks. “You are just so perfect. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

She knew she didn’t have much time left. She was slipping across the line of consciousness, and she just wanted to get in one more thought before drifting to sleep for a while.

“I-I love you, too, Naruto.”

“Okay, so live! You have to now. We have to go on dates and everything! Come on, Y/N, please!” he cried, more hysterical now than ever. She sighed, knowing that there was nothing she could do to mend away those painful tears. She was dying right here in front of him and there was nothing anyone could do. They just had to wait until Ino found them and hopefully heal her enough that she could live. It was worth a shot.

And if she died? So be it. She was content. In her last moments, she felt Naruto’s love completely fill her heart and mind. That was the most she could hope for in a situation like this, being surrounded by someone who cares about you so immensely it hurts. She squeezed his hands gently, as she felt her eyes closing. He pleaded with her once again, but to no avail, she was out like a light.

He kept on crying, harder now that she was gone and he couldn’t even see her eyes anymore, or hear another word leave her mouth. He felt like everything was coming crashing down on him at once. His poor friend was lying in front of his dying, and he couldn’t do anything to help her besides leaving the body alone to look for Ino, or just wait. He wasn’t too found of the thought of abandoning her body out here in the woods like that.

He clutched at her cold hand in his shaky ones, trying to feel some comfort in the skin to skin touch. Anything to bring her back to him and make him feel like things were okay again.

Ino rushed out of the forest as fast as she could after hearing Naruto call her name a couple times out in the open. Her eyes widened at the sight in front of her. Y/N looked dead. Her body was so covered in blood she couldn’t make out an inch of her shirt that wasn’t soaked in it.

“What happened to Y/N?”

“I don’t even know. One second she was fine and the next she looked like this!” Naruto cried as Ino crouched one the other side of her body. Immediately, she set to work healing, and thankfully, there was enough chakra flowing through the girl’s body to signal a swift recovery. Ino wasn’t sure if she’d ever seen Naruto a blubbering mess the way he was right now. He was crying and sobbing, and shaking like a poor little leaf. The blond rightfully felt terrible for not being there sooner.

“Naruto, what’s wrong? Y/N is going to be fine, I promise.”

“I couldn’t even protect her. I love her so much, and I let this happen to her. What sort of friend does that make me?” he cried, trying desperately to wipe the tears from his eyes so Ino couldn’t see anymore. Guess it doesn’t matter though, does it?

“You love her?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, she definitely loves you, too,” Ino sighed, continuing her work. She could feel Y/N getting better with every second that passed by, and she hoped there wouldn’t be any permanent damage. There was no way to tell right now, so she would just wait.

Naruto’s brows perked, and he asked, “What? How do you know?”

“She’s told me. Like, a bunch of times.”

Naruto sat back, falling flat on his butt in surprise. Y/N loved him? For a while? She liked him enough to divulge in her crush to friends? How did he never notice? They were best friends, he was around her almost all the time. How could she keep something like that a secret? He thought he’d made it more than obvious that he had a crush on her, but he guessed she never noticed that either.

He was confused, rightfully so. Finding out your friend has a crush on is weird enough, but it being requited is a completely different thing. What would happen after this? Would they date? Was that even an option? Would she even want to? Maybe when she said I love you, she meant it as a friend. That could be it.

He really just couldn’t make up his mind.

He would just have to wait until they got home, when she was awake and sound of mind, before they could figure out what was going on between them. The waiting would kill him, he was sure of it. But it had to be done.

______

When they arrived back at the village, Y/N was taken to the infirmary immediately. She was hooked up to machines and laid down in a white, sterile room away from Naruto’s prying eyes. Rightfully so, he was anxious to see her. They had just confessed their love to each other, what else could be more pressing than that?

The boy walked around in spiraling circles through the waiting room awaiting the doctor to peek her head in and inform him of her condition. And she did, after a couple hours. She walked into the room and told him it was time to go and visit her, she would be waking up any time now.

She lay still in the bed, only soft breaths bringing her chest to rise and fall. He collapsed into the seat beside her bed and reached out, taking a hold of her hand and squeezing it. Maybe if he continued to squeeze her hand, she would wake up sooner, he thought. He needed to see her, to hear her voice, anything. Just seeing her laying in this bed was driving him insane. There was too much to talk about.

And when her eyes started to open, he found himself practically jumping up from his chair to be closer to her. She groaned, lifting her other hand to rub at her tired eyes.

“Y/N?”

“Naruto?” she asked in her sleepy state, confused as to why he would be there of all people. She turned her head to see the ball of sunshine sitting beside her, holding her hand even, and staring her right in the eyes. She felt heat begin to fill her cheeks. Was he that excited to make sure she was okay?

“I’m so glad you’re okay. I was so worried about you.”

“I-I’m sorry for making you worry so much,” she found herself mumbling the first thought that came to her mind, no matter how silly it may have been.

He clutched at her hand, shaking his head furiously at what she had just said. “Stop! Don’t say sorry! It’s my fault for not protecting a teammate out there.” It wasn’t his responsibility to make sure she was okay the entire time, he had other priorities of course. She sighed, shaking her head, but not arguing with him.

"You're right. But you did help me out when I was down and I appreciate that."

"Of course! It's what a good guy does," he chirped, but his mind was obviously on something else that they had avoided so far in their conversation. His eyes trailed to the table beside her, not wanting to look her in the eyes as he brought it up. "About what we said back there."

"Yeah, the confessions…"

He asked, doubt just now creeping up in the back of his mind, "You meant it, right?" She was in distress. It could have been a love confession out of desperation. He was definitely over thinking things, something he rarely did. He was so straightforward. Just calm down, he told himself.

"I meant what I said. I hope you meant everything you said too," she told him, still feeling that heat creeping up her neck and ears now. So embarrassing.

"You bet I did! I'm so happy you like me back! I've liked you for so long, Y/N."

"So that means we can go on dates like you said? Ramen dates, maybe?"

"Ooohh, Ichiraku dates. Sounds so good."

He was happier than he ever felt before, high off life and love and just so much emotion it was bubbling out. He smiled at his new found girlfriend, just watching as she went on about cute date ideas they could go on, her eyes lighting up and her lips curled up in a sweet smile he loved.

Times were good. So freaking good.

#naruto x reader #naruto uzumaki x reader #naruto imagine #naruto oneshot #naruto #naruto shippuden #request #writing #mine #one shot #x reader #if this isnt the best quality im sorry

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lovelybarnes · 4 years

Text

vivian!- mark sloan

pairings: mark sloan x reader, alex karev x reader

warnings: hospital shooting, guns, blood, shooting, death

about: there's a shooter at seattle grace

you're basically lexie grey in this lol

“mark- can you just sign the order-” you asked, annoyance clear in your voice as you stared at mark. you were about to ask him again- one last goddamn time- when a loud bang pierced your ears, and mark was suddenly on top of you and pushing you to the floor.

your hands were over your ears and your eyes were wide, mind racing and trying to figure out what just happened, and why you were on the floor, and what the hell was that sound and why are people screaming-

a flash of something came to you, and you remembered vivian, one of your favorite nurses- she was always sweet, and she knew what you were thinking before you even thought it in the OR, and she made the best cake- raising her voice at someone, and your eyes widened when you remembered you saw her drop when you heard the awful noise.

then you heard panicked screaming, but one made you freeze.

“he shot the nurse!”

vivian.

you army crawled your way from under mark’s body to where she had stood before; a hand reached up to cover your mouth when you saw her, blood gushing from her chest as her eyes stared blankly at nothing behind you.

you pulled your hand away to feel her pulse, shaking your head numbly when you couldn’t find it. people were screaming all around you, and your voice was nonexistent as you whispered.

“no, no, no, no, vivian, no-”

you moved your fingers, frantically attempting to find a pulse, but mark’s voice interrupted yours, his arms pulling you up roughly.

“come on, i’m getting you out of here.”

he pulled you in as you continued to stare at vivan, “she’s dead-” you heard yourself say, but you weren’t sure, screams from all over deafening you.

you let mark put his arms around you and guide you, blinking quickly to try to get the image of vivian out of your mind, trying to concentrate on what was going on around you, but it seemed impossible to do so.

mark stopped in front of the elevator, pushing the button repeatedly, and you looked around, mouth parting at all the chaos going on; people screaming, running, crying.

“come on! come on!” mark begged loudly, slamming a hand onto the elevator, and you looked back to see the elevator doors opening.

your breath caught in your throat as you saw the inside; your boyfriend lying on the floor, unconscious, blood surrounding him.

a brief image of vivian flashed through your mind before you screamed, running out of mark’s arms and onto the floor next to alex. you ran your hands over his abdomen, trying to find the source and putting pressure on it once you found it.

you realized mark wasn’t inside and the elevator doors were closing. you stretched out a leg, stopping the doors and looking up at mark, realizing he was frozen, staring at the man on the floor.

“mark! get in!” you screamed, huffing as you applied more pressure to alex’s wound, blood staining your hands.

“now!” you screeched when you realized mark had ignored you, and that seemed to snap him out of it, hurrying inside and pressing buttons on the control board that closed the doors, blocking out the chaos outside.

“no exit wound…” you whispered, lip between your teeth. “i gotta flip ya, babe, sorry about this, alex.”

you took a deep breath before using all your might to lift him, groaning quietly when you realized there wasn’t an exit wound.

“shit,” you huffed, looking up at mark, who wasn’t paying attention. “mark!” you called, and he bent down in front of you, “okay, hold pressure, we’re going to carry him to the nearest room and fix him, you got that, y/n?”

you gulped, trying to take deep breaths while you nodded, continuing to push down on the wound.

the elevator dinged, and you looked up at mark, who nodded at you, placing his arms under alex and beginning to lift him up.

you held pressure for as long as you could, stopping the doors from shutting as mark passed with alex, and shutting your eyes as you heard alex yell in pain.

mark shushed him as he went inside a room, lying him on a table

“get gauze, morphine, anything!” mark yelled, and you didn’t respond, simply running out of the room and grabbing everything you though could help. you knew you weren’t this incompetent normally, you knew what you needed to treat a gunshot, but your mind was busy, flooding with images of vivian and alex and people crying.

you ran inside the room again, shutting the door. “i grabbed everything i could think of,” you said, putting everything down and looking down at alex, who was now awake and in pain.

“i am so… incredibly… pissed off right now…” alex hissed, and you looked over at him for a second before going back to organize what you found.

“alex, you’ve been shot,” you heard mark say, “is there an exit wound?”

you shook your head, quickly realizing he couldn’t see you and you turned to him. “no, there isn’t. the bullet’s still in there somewhere.”

mark groaned. “damn it, we’re gonna have to go in blind. start an IV.”

you did as you were told quickly, turning your head to alex for a second to give him a shaky smile. “you’re gonna be okay, alex. alright?”

you looked away as he started to speak.

“i’m- i’m- i’m gonna kick that guy’s ass when i see him,” he grunted, inhaling sharply after he was finished.

you laughed lightly, “i know ya will, alex.”

behind you, mark huffed. “centra-”

“done.” you said, cutting him off as you finished the central line.

“can you finish setting up?” you asked mark, and he looked at you strangely, “why?” he questioned.

“i’m gonna help him, can you just set up?”

“y/n, i’ll do it, you-”

“i’m an a doctor too, mark! and i am just as capable as you are at handling this-”

“it’s not that. he’s your boyfriend. you think i’m going to be able to calm him down? he’s not going to listen to me.”

you contemplated that for a second, agreeing with him silently as you pulled gloves on and handed him things.

“fine.”

“you’re doing great alex, really great.” mark said, “now i need to put in a chest tube. you with me?”

alex shut his eyes, shaking his head slowly. “no. no chest tube. i’m okay.”

mark didn’t argue with him, complying with his wishes.

“y/n, you get the betadine ready, and i’ll do the rest, okay?” you nodded, letting go of alex��s hand and reaching for what you needed.

you lathered the betadine on quickly, encasing alex’s hand with yours again, biting your lip as he groaned.

mark started to cut, and you looked at your boyfriend again, your eyes widening when he started to scream.

“no, no, no, alex-”

“shut him up! shut him up.” mark said, and you turned to alex, “shh, alex, you have to be quiet.”

alex didn't stop, and mark looked at you in a panic.

“y/n, if the shooter hears his screaming, he will head this way, so shut him up!”

your mind raced, thoughts from medical school jumbled in your mind.

“kissing releases endorphins..” you muttered before slamming your lips down on alex’s, his screaming quieting for a second as he kissed back.

gunshots made you shut your eyes closed, images of vivian rushing through your eyes with the tears.

alex’s groans vibrated through your mouth, but he kissed back, and then mark was done.

“i’m done, y/n, he’s losing a lot of blood.”

“B.P.’s 60 palp.”

“he’s losing a lot of blood, y/n, he needs a-”

you cut him off as you realized, “a transfusion?”

mark nodded, shaking his head. “i don't know what we’re gonna do.”

you looked down at alex, making up your mind and pulling off your gloves.

“i’ll go,” you said, “i’ll go get it.”

mark looked at you, shaking his head, “that's insane. i’ll go.”

you shook your head, “you're important, mark, you make skin for babies, and you fix faces, and you're going to fix up alex better than i can, okay? i’m going.”

mark started to open his mouth when you cut him off, looking at alex.

“hey, hey, don't die, alex, don't you dare die. it’s n/n, by the way, and you better still be alive when i get back, okay? i will be right back.”

you smiled at him softly, reaching a hand up to touch his cheek, “i will be right back.”

you squeezed his hand a last time before you let go, walking out of the room and shutting the door as quietly as you could.

you walked quietly towards the blood room, opening the door and slipping inside quickly when you got there.

you vaguely remembered alex’s blood type as you grabbed blood, shoving it as gently as you could into a random cart.

you pushed the cart out after you piled the blood up high, heading out noiselessly.

you looked around you as you walked, rounding a corner and counting the seconds you were gone.

you froze as you saw someone in front of you, but you relaxed as you realized who it was, gary clark, the sweet old man whose wife had died a few weeks before. as your eyes traced down to the gun in his hands, you panicked again, but didn’t let it through as you sighed.

“oh, mr. clark,” you breathed, hands beginning to shake.

“i didn't plan to shoot all those people,” he confessed suddenly, and you gulped, trying to ease your nerves.

“of- of course you didn't. you were… sad,” you began, “you were- you were grieving.”

“i only planned to shoot doctor shepherd,” he said, and your grip on the cart tightened, “and doctor webber,” he continued, “and you,” he finished.

you froze, your heart hammering so fast and beating so loud, you were afraid he might hear it.

his arm raised slowly, gun pointed right at you, and your breathing began to quicken.

“you unplugged the machine,” gary said, “your hands killed my alison.”

flashes of his wife flashed through your mind as he aimed at your head, and you shut your eyes, hands raising.

you fell to the floor with a gasp when you heard a shot, and you opened your eyes slowly, crouching up with a shaky breath to see gary clark lying on the floor, bullet in his shoulder.

you looked to your side, noticing a man in all black with a gun, his hands motioning for you to move.

you didn't waste a second in doing so, standing up and rolling the cart as fast as you could, all the while trying desperately to control your breathing and get rid of the dizziness threatening to tip you over.

you all but ran into the conference room when you saw it, opening the door and shoving the cart inside, closing the door with wide, scared eyes.

you turned quickly, surprised at the wooziness that made the image of mark blurred, but you shook your head, concentrating.

“uh- is he dead?” you asked, going over to alex’s side and holding his hand.

mark responded quickly, “he’s unconscious, vitals are tanking, there's nothing more i can do for him.”

you breathing sped up again as you remembered the gun pointed at your head, and you turned to alex. “don't die. alex, please don't die. this was my fault,” you realized, tears beginning to well up in your eyes. “i unplugged his wife, that's why he killed them- vivian- this is my fault, that's why he wanted to shoot me- i’m so sorry.”

you shut your eyes tightly, the realization that if he had just shot you, he would’ve probably moved on, vivian would’ve been alive.

mark looked up at you in surprise, “what? what do you mean ‘wanted to shoot me?’”

“i should’ve let him, viv- vivan, you would-” you gulped, tears running down your face. “don’t die.”

“y/n,” mark called, and you looked up at him. “you’re bleeding, what happened?” mark walked over to you slowly.

you looked down, your eyebrows scrunching in confusion, and your lips parted at the red seeping through your scrubs. you pulled your top up with a shaky hand and realized gary had shot you, “oh,” you muttered.

“better than the head, i guess,” you whispered, blinking rapidly before falling back, darkness enveloping you.

mark was shaking your shoulders, you realized, opening your eyes, but closing them again quickly, groaning at the unbelievable pain tearing through your body.

“holy shit!-” you wheezed, “i guess he did shoot me, a- adrenaline is amazing, huh?” you attempted a smile at the man in front of you.

mark’s hands ran over your abdomen, and you bit back a scream when he reached the wound. “m-mark!”

“sorry, sorry, sorry, i’m sorry n/n, i’m sorry,” mark winced, and you shook your head, eyes closed. “s’okay, it's okay,” you told him, prying your eyes open to look at mark- the beautiful man in front of you.

your eyes snapped to your side when another voice broke through, “izzie?” alex wheezed.

you sighed in relief at the fact that alex was able to speak and tried to sit up, but mark pushed you back down

“y/n!”

“i’m fine, i’m fine…” you told him, trying to brush him off, but mark didn't let you. “no, you're not. lay. down.”

you obeyed begrudgingly, and a wave of nausea and dizziness passed through you. you gasped, more pain shooting through you the moment you did.

“okay, mark, i’m gonna pass out now, jus’- jus’ lettin’ you know…” you slurred, only catching part of what mark was saying before you passed out again.

“hey! hey! stay awake, y/n! you have to stay awake-”

“m’sorry, mark… tell ‘randa and addie thank you for me…”

“y/n!”

“please wake up, please wake up, please wake up-”

you opened your eyes to miranda at your side, and you smiled, your voice raspy. “i’m up, ‘randa.”

her head snapped up at your voice, and you noticed her red eyes start to drip, new, happy tears replacing the old ones.

“oh- oh, y/n, don't do that again- don't- i can't lose you, archer can't lose you, addie can't lose you, so don't-”

you reached for her hand, wincing at the pain from the gunshot. she cut herself off as she grabbed your hand, squeezing it gently

“i won't. i love ya auntie miranda. is she here, by the way? addie, i mean.”

“i love you, too, y/n. she's on her way.”

you nodded, eyes drifting up to see mark at the door, staring at you. you smiled at him, and he swallowed, looking at miranda for a sort of approval.

miranda looked at you for a second, and you smiled, “can you check on alex for me?”

miranda nodded, glaring at mark for a second before she left.

you giggled softly as mark walked into your room, and he looked at you curiously, “what?”

“you slept with my aunt- who's basically my mother, and i still like you. s’funny.”

you grunted, “not a good idea to laugh after you got shot.”

mark frowned at that, sitting where your aunt had sat before, “i heard what you said before. it wasn't your fault.”

you just shrugged. “‘kay.”

a moment of silence passed through the both of you, and your drug- induced state didn't like that.

“i like alex,” you said suddenly, and mark gulped, nodding. “but…”

you thought for a second, stopping. “but i don't think it'll last. he doesn't like me. not in the right way, not in the you way.”

mark froze, but let you continue. “i want to be liked in the you way. in the way alex loved- loves izzie. in the way you love me and i love you.”

you thought back the the last time you and mark talked and it wasn't bad. no one was shooting your boyfriend or you, where gary clark was just the husband of a patient.

“i want a husband.”

#greysloanmemorialhospital #greys abc #greys anatomy #grey's anatomy #mark sloan #mark sloan x reader #alex karev #alex karev x reader #alex karev x you #mark sloan x you

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trashcanalienist · 4 years

Text

I think it is an allistic myth to be able to finish something exhausting and go "boy, I sure am glad that's over with!". And I don't mean like, physical labor where you complete it and are actually glad but not that it's over because the endorphin high of having done something makes you walk light and warmly. I mean like...actually exhausting, like for example almost every day that I got home from school I wasn't glad that the school day was over and I could do things I enjoyed. I was not alive and needed (physically needed) to spend about two hours listening to catatonic music to resuscitate myself and then with only the greatest keening distress I would force myself to go back up and engage with my family so I could eat dinner. There was no time for enjoying anything because nothing could be enjoyed.

And then I'd go to sleep and I'd wake up the next morning even more reluctant to do it all again. Every day was nuclear winter, cold and hurtful, unless it was summer in which case it was a strange dream that was peaceful and warm and living, one I could if I let myself fully admire and live, too, in its resplendence, but one which inevitably ended and cast me back into shallow death. School is over now and I felt nothing. Perhaps some insane sentimentality for everything I'd missed by walking shrouded in stumbling fog with the eyes of an animal zombie, but no real actual feeling beyond that. No "thank GOD that's over", or "I wish it wasn't over so soon", or whatever is expected. I don't feel strongly very often but in any case my reaction to the end of something exhausting or agonizing or stressful is just an absolute lack of reaction. So it goes, I guess.

#meat lord #i am the meat lord #meat #autistic #autism #actually neurodivergent #actually autism #actually autistic #actuallyautistic #depression #depressed #anxiety #trauma #eek #thoughts #presence of #creep talk #creeptalk #school

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lokis-lady-death · 5 years

Text

Slither Pt 10

Loki x Reader

Reader is a museum curator that has been put in charge of a Viking/Norse exhibit at the Smithsonian Museum. While going through all the artifacts, she comes across a strange relic that seems to have a mind of it’s own. She accidentally stumbles into an ancient world of gods.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8

Recap:

As a museum curator, you have handled hundreds if not thousands of ancient artifacts for the Smithsonian Museum, yet none of them could have prepared you for the viking exibit’s newest attraction: the Chains of Sygn. Though they appeared to be just another trinket of a time long forgotten, the snake-like piece of jewelry sparked to life before your very eyes and transported you to the majestic kingdom of Asgard.

That’s where you met Loki, the god of mischief. He certainly lived up to his title, his quick wit and ominous magic luring you in while his hidden agenda kept you on edge. After fighting some apprehension, as well as a possessed necklace with a mind of its own,there was finally a sense of trust building between the two of you.

Perhaps even something a bit more.

The only problem? Just you and Loki were beginning to see eye to eye, the original owner of the Chains of Sygn request their return, meaning you will be counting down the days until the god is no longer a part of your life.

Facing an uncertain future with the god of mischief, you let yourself get talked into a night out with him along with your coworker Chris Evans and his friend, a handsome british actor whose motives are quite clear: Tom Hiddleston.

Slither 10

Tom walked around the front of thee also car, his eyes locked on yours while a playful smirk stayed on his face. After sliding in, he pulled up a menu on the touch screen built into the dashboard to enter in the club’s address. When he was finished, you heard the navigator’s calm, robotic tone confirm, “Setting your course.”

Tightly wrapping your fingers around the steering wheel, once his seatbelt click into place, you shifted gears and laid down on the gas pedal. The tires spun excitedly under the Jaguar, Chris and Tom both grabbing hold of their seats as the car rushed out of the parking lot, while in the back seat a wild grin stretched across Loki’s face.

You rolled out like a Nascar racer as AC/DC's Highway to Hell played through the stereo, the tires screeching down the road while the men had varying levels of eagerness and fear etched into their eyes. It wasn’t the sort of thing you would normally do, but something about tonight seemed to spark a fire in your belly. Perhaps it was the mystic allure and forbode of Loki, or the intensely attractive and flirtatious Tom, or even the hilarity of Chris’s horror.

Whatever the cause, you knew this was going to be a night to remember.

That is, until coming across one of the many intersections on your way down the main street. The light flashed from yellow to red before you could pass, making you slam to an abrupt halt and throw everyone forward with a thud.

“Those are some tight breaks,” you laughed innocently as the others recuperated from the jolt.

Chris snapped from the back seat, “I’d like to get to the club in one piece, y/n!”

Rolling your eyes, you happened to see something that grabbed at your attention. “Oh, look, the zoo!”

The street sign read overhead in large bold letters ZOO followed by a plethora of animal images stamped into the concrete wall along the walkway. The Smithsonian Zoo of Washington DC was always one of your favorite places to visit, though it was obviously closed at this time of night.

"That's not where we're going."

You cut your eyes at Chris in the rear view mirror. "Well, it would have been my choice. But that's fine, I'm enjoying driving anyway."

“We’re doomed,” he groaned, sinking deeper into his seat.

Loki leaned forward to see what you were referring to, taking a special interest in the banisters lining the light poles leading down the sidewalk. "Interesting. A place that houses animals in the middle of a city?"

You softly answered, “They’re not like out-out. It’s perfectly safe, they’re behind fences.”

He huffed, “How disappointing.”

“What’ll be really disappointing is when y/n kills us and we don’t make it to the club,” Chris threw in.

“She’s just having a bit of fun,” Tom argued weakly, his own voice holding a slight tremor. “Though as I’ve noticed driving through the city, there’s enough stops to keep speeding… Minimal.”

“Oh, that doesn’t sound entertaining in the slightest,” Loki sighed, his hand coming up to your shoulder and giving it a light squeeze. He leaned up, whispering so only you could hear, “The lights need to be green for you to go,yes?”

You nodded, feeling a flutter in your chest from the innocent touch. “Lights green for me, red for other lanes.”

He gave a court nod and leaned back into his seat. Just before your light changed, you glanced at him in the rear view mirror, noticing a faint glow behind his gaze.

And just like that, the light turned green and you were off.

Tom and Chris stiffened as you gained speed, only having to move around someone a few times before the next light came. You were about to come up to a red light, but just before you pressed the brake, the light instantaneously flashed to green. Cars in oncoming lanes slammed brakes at the sudden light change as your lane received the right of way.

You revved the engine and zoomed on through, ignoring the sideways glance from Tom.

Every light in your way stayed green or changed just before you got to it, giving you a thrill that kept you slightly building speed. You knew Loki must be involved, though you couldn’t sort out just how he managed such a feat. Chris and Tom seemed just as entranced by it, neither commenting on the speed, rather staying wide eyed and agasped by the miraculous luck. The sound of the high powered engine mixed with the roar of tires and insane cackles from the others in the car as you zoomed down the street, turning when instructed, sending the car into a slight drift you managed to control.

It felt like a scene out of a Fast and Furious movie, Loki sucking up the chaos like a psychotic sponge, Chris trembling in the back corner, and Tom sitting at your side with a mixture of enthusiasm and panic on his face until the saving words came out of the navigator once you settled into a parking space outside of the club.

“You have arrived.”

“Oh thank god,” you heard Chris cry out while clinging to the back of Tom’s seat. Tom, on the other hand, calmly -though quite stiff- climbed out and lifted it up, letting Chris fall out to the safety of the ground. “That is NOT how I’m going back home!”

You couldn’t help but ignore his pain, turning the car off and taking one last moment to run your fingers over the smooth leather of the steering wheel.

That was possibly the most fun you had ever had driving a car, the rush of endorphins pushing you to go faster and faster was more invigorating than you had expected.

“You were quite magnificent,” Loki whispered to you just before brushing a hand down your arm and moving across the seat to get out.

"It was a little reckless," you admitted, though you couldn't conceal how thrilled you had become.

"Reckless looks good on you."

Ignoring his comment and the rush of heat in your cheeks, you got out to Tom holding his hand to you for the keys.

With a shrug of your shoulders you offered, “Guess it’s not too much car for me after all.”

He narrowed his eyes while his smile grew. "It seems your godly friend has some tricks up his sleeves. Did you know he could do such a thing? Control traffic lights?"

You glanced over to Loki as he was straightening his suit with Chris beside him still shaken from the drive. There was always denial: you could deny what was obvious to Tom like you had done before, or you could listen to your gut and realize it was a futile attempt. Chris might have been naive enough to think everything that happened was just extreme coincidences, but the quick witted brit seemed to immediately believe the unbelievable. After letting you nearly kill him in a borrowed Jaguar, you wondered if it was even worth bothering with anymore.

"I didn't…" You finally got out, "He's just full of surprises."

For the briefest of moments, Tom's smile dissipated, leaving behind something much more serious that was quite recognizable. "Hopefully all his surprises will be that innocent."

Your brow furrowed at the comment, but you couldn't question it further as he waved an arm towards the brightly lit main entrance, announcing to everyone, “Our palace awaits!”

It was no Asgard, but for DC, it felt regal in its own right. The white stone walls of the club Ultrabar were brightly colored by the massive blue and white spotlights that beconned the young hip crowd to its doors. Dance music rang out every time the doors flew open, the sounds of a bass thumping to an irresistible dance beat echoing into an otherwise quiet night. Tom went on ahead, shimmying his hips as you all crossed over towards the sound, like he couldn’t contain his urge to move and was entranced by the tone. Loki came around to your other side, sliding a hand onto the small of your back and offering you a grin when you glanced up at him.

“is this truly a palace? It's not exactly what I would have imagined… "

" No, Tom is just being theatrical. It's just a club."

"And what does one do in this type of club?ust we join?”

“No, ha, no. It's not that type of club, that's just a name for it. It's a bar with a dance floor. We’re going there,” you pointed across to the building you were all walking towards, “To do that,” you pointed to Tom who was now coercing Chris into side stepping with him.

The god's nose wrinkled at the notion. “I don't believe I'll be doing… That.”

You laughed, looping an arm around his and bringing him closer, much to his own surprise and pleasure. He relaxed under your touch and together the two of you followed the others up to the mass of people waiting to get inside. Once entrance fees were covered--all by courtesy of the ever gracious Tom- you went inside to the main dance floor.

Despite the aged, elegant architect of the bar’s exterior, inside it was a stark modern style, mostly white marble with underglows of blue and white lights giving soft illumination under the bars and by the floor. Large glowing spheres lit up above the dance floor where several people were already moving against each other to the music the DJ pumped through the stereo system.

It was so loud you could hardly hear yourself think, feeling a nerve pull inside of you at the mass amounts of bodies crashing into one another while they danced along to the techno beats. Chris and Tom moved on with ease while you and Loki stayed along the wall, watching as everyone else grooved along. It only took a second for them to disappear, leaving you and the god of mischief alone with hundreds of unsuspecting partiers.

"Is this what Midgardians call dancing?" the god of mischief asked absurdly serious. "Because what they're doing is not dancing. They look to be possessed."

You chuckled to yourself, imagining how bizarre the latest bump and grind must look to someone who was most likely used to balls, waltzes, and etiquette. "Yeah, this is considered dancing. It's not all that bad…"

His nose wrinkled in disgust as he watched a girl start to twerk on an unsuspecting victim, making you laugh even harder. "Is this something all Midgardians do?"

"Ha, no, not all of us. This isn't exactly my scene." When Loki's brow raised at your verbiage, you elaborated, "What I mean is this is more of Chris's kind of fun. I personally don't care for partying."

"Partying," he echoed, the god turning back to gaze at the masses while his brow stayed furrowed deep in thought.

He looked to be plotting something.

Just as you went to break his concentration, Tom reappeared with drinks in each hand.

"Oh, I don't really…" You started as Tom held a glass out to you, but his smile and raised brows pressed you to reach out to grab the cocktail.

"Where did your friend go?" he asked, making you turn your head to find that, sure enough, Loki had disappeared just that quickly. Your head cut from side to side, certain he was there just a moment ago.

"I don't know, he was just here!?"

Taking a step forward, you were about to go search for him when Tom eased into your path to stop you. "Did the god already get bored with mortal dates?" You could hear a salty tone in his comment, but brushed it off, instead taking a large gulp of your overly strong, pineapple mixed drink before answering sharply.

"First of all, this isn't a date. Second, he's less than impressed with your dance skills."

Tom scoffed, as if personally offended by the suggested notion. "Then perhaps we should show him real dancing."

The words hadn't the time to resonate over the still loud, thumping beats of the music that filled the now shrinking space between you. Tom took your free hand and started to lead you to the dance floor.

"No, no, no, no, no!" you repeated, trying to pull against him without spilling your drunk. "I don't dance!"

"Everyone dances," Tom spoke in a low tone, bringing his mouth to your ear so you could hear him softly finish, "One just needs to find the right partner."

At that you couldn't help but laugh, "And you think that's you?"

"I don’t see why not," he answered slyly, turning his hand in yours so that your fingers laced. "If given a proper chance, who knows what I might could be to you. I’m certainly not going away anytime soon. If anything, I may could find a reason to stay here longer..."

His blue eyes reflected you like the ocean, so calm and alluring. A small part of you was tempted to give into his charm and let him try to sweep you off your feet, yet a nagging feeling in the back of your mind kept you unswayed.

"I need to find Loki," you reasoned, taking your hand from his. Though his disappointment was apparent, he offered a small smile and shrug as he went back onto the dance floor.

You sipped your drink as you made your way along the outer edges of the crowd, imagining he wouldn't have wandered out into the chaos of dancers after his comment earlier. There was a pressure building in the back of your mind that build up just as you realized there was the real possibility that Loki was a momentary moment in your life. Knowing the Chains of Sygn were soon going to be out of your possession, it seemed that there was no real certainty to any relationship between you and the god of mischief.

Not that there was a relationship, you reminded yourself, but all the same.

The feelings beginning to form between you were apparent enough to a stranger like Tom, while the truth of the matter was this was all temporary.

This wasn’t his world.

He was only visiting.

You had nearly circled back around when you found the restroom stalls and wondered if he had gone there. Setting your glass on the bartop, you wondered how long it could take to wait for he to just walk back out if he was in there. Looking around, it didn't seem like a bad idea at the time to just prop the door open and yell in. Pushing it just enough with your foot, you called out, "Hey, Loki? You in there?

No answer.

You were going to give up, but the nagging in the back of your mind wouldn't stop. Maybe he didn't hear you? Taking a tentative step in, you called out again.

From behind, a hand grabbed your shoulder, a smooth voice answering casually, "Yes?" You squealed, covered your mouth while turning on your heels to see Loki watching you with amusement. "Oh, pet, you look positively flustered. I didn't mean to startle you."

You were about to shove him back out of the door when someone started to come in behind him. Panicked, you dragged him into an unoccupied stall and latched the door behind you.

"Are we hiding?" Speaking in a whistler, he didn't sound confused, only curious.

In a hushed tone, you quickly got out, "This is the men's bathroom! I'm not supposed to be in here!"

"Then… Why are you?"

Cutting your eyes up at him, disregarding the cramped quarters squishing the two of you together, you listened to the hurried footsteps of the bathroom patron as they used the urinal and then went back out to the door. Just when you thought you were in the clear, you heard the door open again to a new man coming in.

"Dammit!"

"If you're not supposed to be in here, then why are you and why have you dragged me into this ghastly place? I'm certain if this washroom is for men, I would be fine." To your horror, his hand went out to take the door latch.

Narrowing your eyes, you poked him in the chest, arguing, "I'm in here because I was looking for you!"

"Oh? Why is that?" he pressed, a mischievous smile curling at the edge of his lips.

"Don't look at me like that, you disappeared and I was worried."

You knew by the widening of his grin that he was enjoying your anguish, even more so when another man came in.

"Shit!"

"I'm certain if we just walk out they won't be too concerned with what you were in here doing."

"I'm DEFINITELY not coming out of a bathroom stall at a club with a man I hardly know, no, no, no, that's not gonna happen, I am NOT a cliche, I didn't even get any, I'm not gonna be able to handle that level of embarrassment, I'm not even close to drunk enough for that," you rambled shaking your head, until Loki's finger pressed firmly against your lips to silence your sputtering.

"I can get us out of here, but you'll need to calm down. It requires concentration and silence."

Your eyes widened at the sound of someone juggling the bathroom's latch, knowing you must have gotten too loud. "Yo, no shit, I think there's a girl in there," a man on the other side of the door loudly cackled.

"Yes," you pleaded, turning to face him, "Get us out of here-"

That was all he needed to hear, quickly wrapping his arms tightly around you to bring you close against his chest, the warmth of his body fulfilling a craving you had no idea you had. Without meaning to, you nuzzled into him at feeling the air being vacuumed out of your chest, but just that quickly returning to you like gasping after being iunder water. Your stomach, felt like it had undergone a series of loops in a rollercoaster when you felt Loki’s hands drop down to your sides.

“Well?” he calmly announced, “We’re out of the bathroom.

When you opened your eyes, it was immediately clear you were no longer in the bar. In fact, once you turned around, the sight it took your breath away. You both had reappeared on a cement pathway lined by vast greenery overlooking a small, cascading waterfall that twinkled in the moonlight. Bobbing up and down around the scene were several multicolored orbs of light that illuminated where you stood in different glows. Slightly twirling around to take a look at it all, you recognized exactly where he had brought you..

"Is this… the zoo?"

It was so familiar and foreign at the same time, looking just as it had the many times you had come before, but at night with the added theatrics you could hardly recognize it as a place on earth. The orbs floated delicately in the air above your heads like illuminated soap bubbles. Loki watched as you took it all in, a childlike wonder in your eyes and a wide smile gracing your face with the enthusiasm you had shown his magic countless times.

"You mentioned that the club wasn't in your taste. I thought since you mentioned it earlier, you'd prefer to be here instead."

Moving out along the walkway, you could see the animal exhibits dimly lit by the moonlight, it's creatures of the day sleeping peacefully unaware of the zoo’s guests while the nocturnal beasts began to stir.

"This...this is incredible, Loki," you spoke honestly, still taking in the reality of what he had done. "I can't believe you brought us here."

"Actually, that's not all I've done." His hand took yours and then he asked you to close your eyes. You did so, biting down on your lips to try and hide how eager you were when he led you a few steps away. There was a noticeable breeze and a warmth absorbed into your skin like rays of the sun burning through the night. Your heart thumped in your chest when his hands left you standing alone, still blind to the world.

It was just another second until you felt him come from behind, his fingers gingerly wrapping around your hips as his body pressed against your back. He spoke slowly, his face beside yours when he instructed, "Alright, Lady y/n… I want you... to open your eyes."

Taking a deep breath, you followed his instruction, unsure of what exactly to expect.

Though it can be established that you certainly weren’t intending to encounter a large wild animal that looked to be sizing you up for it’s next dinner.

The spots, the color, the build, all lit up by the lightning balls was enough to leave no question as to what you were looking at: a full grown cheetah, standing just a few feet away from you both. You were so stunned you couldn't even scream, instead leaning backwards into Loki to try and back away.

He caught your shoulders and held you in place.

"LOKI, THAT'S A CHEETAH!" you quietly yelled to him in panic, never taking your eyes off the hunter.

"Yes, I read the name of the exhibit. Why are you so frightened, darling, she won't hurt you." Your heart was pounding in your chest while you tried to steady your breathing. "I wouldn't have brought you here if it wasn't safe, Lady y/n. I give you my word, you’re perfectly fine."

His words did little to soothe your nerves, but looking over to the large cat, you realized she looked more complacent than ferocious. Feeling you start to relax, Loki took your hand in his and urged you down to your knees with him as he held your hand out.

"No, no, no, no, no," you repeated, turning your face and trying to pull back your hand, "This is not a good idea."

He never released his grip as he leaned you forward, "Lady y/n-" You felt a warm, moist nose press against your hand timidly, then pull back. Peaking up, you saw the cheetah had come much closer, walking past your hand to be nearly face to face with you. Feeling you tense, Loki wrapped his arms around you and brought you into his lap as he held out his own hand to the beast. You watched as the cheetah got even closer, her face barreling into Loki's hand to have him pet her.

That's when you heard the steady pur come from the big cat's throat. Your jaw dropped and this time you offered no resistance when Loki urged your hand back onto her furry face. She nuzzled into your hand to have your fingers to dig behind her ear.

"I'm petting a cheetah."

"Yes, you are," he answered with a smile, watching you reach another hand out to stroke the spots along her back.

Glancing over your shoulder at him, there was no denying how comfortable you had been just laying across his lap on the ground. It was as if neither of you realized how intimate the moment had become, suddenly switching from the innocence of petting the cheetah only to be just now notice the feel of one another. His fingers traced down your arm only to intertwin his fingers with your own. You thought he would say something by the motion of his lips but just as quickly his mouth closed. Instead, Loki’s other hand came up to take your chin and slightly tilt your head up.

“Y/n… There’s something I need to tell you...” His thumb slid over the very edge of your lip and you felt a quiver up your spine at the anticipation of what he could be about to say.

Yet before he could go on, your eyes widened at the sight of something walking around behind him.

An elephant was coming your way.

“Loki!” It caused you to shift in your seat, innocently dragging your hand up the length of his thigh to turn your body around. The motion was awkward but you were too scared of being squished to care. Loki, in his normal unreasonably casual way, turned to see what had caused your uproar. “Darling, I told you, you’re perfectly safe.”

“You mean you knew the elephant was out walking around the zoo?” Saying it out loud, you felt a sour pit in your stomach. “Wait a minute, exactly what did you do?”

He shrugged, “I let a few of the animals out to wander a bit.” Before you could voice the unmistakable apprehension written all over your face, Loki hurried to his feet, holding a hand up to slow your thoughts. “Oh come now, surely you don’t think I would just release these creatures without any foresight?”

“Creatures? How many exactly-”

“That’s irrelevant,” he cut you off, “The most consequential point is I enchanted the zoo so none may of them may leave the premises. They’ll all return to their cages by sun down.”

“I’m much more concerned about something eating or trampling us!” His brow raised at your high pitched voice, making you add, “I guess that means you did an enchantment for that, too, huh?”

Letting out a sigh, you glanced back out to where the elephant was, his trunk gently swaying as he wandered passed. A little further out you could make out a few zebra trotting passed a very bored lioness that lounged against the carousel. Just then, the lights of the grand carousel lit up, causing the animals to become alert. At the sound of the music beginning to play, the lioness scattered and the zebra hurried away. You smiled at the grandness of it, turning back to Loki in time to see his hand come out to you. One hand held yours out while the other was fixated to your lower back, him digging ever so slightly into the fabric of your dress.

You Inhaled sharply, trying to ignore the intense urges bubbling up from deep inside the pit of your stomach. It didn't help when he simultaneously pulled you against him, his lips briefly brushing across your fingers.

“Lady y/n, may I have this dance?”

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womanoflettersinthebunker · 4 years

Text

It's not that he and Sam had never hunted before, they had even prior to him going off to Stanford.

It's just that neither he nor their dad let Sam see the real ending of a hunt, the part that Dean was desperate for.

He wasn't sure how John hid it back then, maybe he played up to Sam not wanting to be hunting or he would say that Dean needed the extra practice, he didn't know and didn't care, just so long as he got to be alone with the monster to let out all the rage that was building inside of him.

Once it was done he took care of burning the torn remains, he didn't want his dad to see just how bloody everything had gotten once Dean had started.

Dean had taken over that part of the job when he had seen the look on his dad's face, the first time it really got...not even out of hand but...freeing. Like everything that he hadn't realized had been building up inside of him had suddenly been released in an almost orgasmic feeling.

It was even better than sex at times, the rush of endorphins and whatever the hell else was involved. It was freeing and full of pleasure that he couldn't even hope to achieve on his own or with a partner.

But that also meant taking care of the aftermath.

He had been a teenager at that point and reveling in the blood and gore of the things they hunted. It had just been a bit too long between hunts, between giving an outlet to the bloodlust growing inside of him.

He couldn't even remember what type of monster they had been hunting, he'd never cared about the type, only about one thing.

Whether or not he could make it bleed.

But like he had said, it had been too long between hunts and quite frankly, he was surprised he managed to wait until the end when dad let him get everything out.

But the end result had always been the same, the monster would be gagged to prevent it from making too much noise, and Dean did his work. He would start with a knife but it would always end up with his hands. Using them to tear into flesh and bone, punching until everything broke under him, staining his skin with blood.

He didn't even wait at that point, just tore into the monster, foregoing the knife completely and letting himself fall into that peace of mind that he found whenever he would manage to get to this point.

He wasn't sure what changed, he didn't feel like anything had changed, but once he had finished and turned around he saw his dad standing there staring at him with such a look of horror that it made all the peace inside of him immediately disappear.

His dad never made him feel like there was something wrong with him, never even hinted that there might be something wrong with him. But Dean knew the truth, and had known for a very long time.

His dad could deny it but he hated him and hated what he did, hated that he didn't understand what made Dean the way he was and hated that Dean couldn't control it.

So he took over taking care of the remains. Took care of salting and burning the remains, what little and torn apart there were, and cleaned up so that his dad didn't have to see just how wrong his son was.

So Sam had never seen him on a hunt, seen the real end, never knew just how fucked up his brother was and as they hunted together, things started to get a bit more distressed.

The last few hunts that they had been on together had been some of the least satisfying ones that Dean knew. Ghosts, wendigos, demons, more spirits. Nothing tangible, nothing that he could grab and make bleed and the whole basis of relief that he needed.

The wendigo might've worked but he never had a chance to work with one before and with Sammy being in danger he didn't even let him think anything other than protecting his brother and making sure that he was alright overwrote every single last part of him that wanted to tear apart the wendigo for his own relief and instead want to do it because it had tried to hurt Sammy.

And that was something else he had learned that night, that no matter how long it had been, no matter how much the bloodloss had built inside of him, the second that Sam was in danger everything disappeared with a rush of needing to protect his brother. The relief of seeing that Sam was alright and safe...it was more satisfying than killing.

But ultimately, that itch and desire came back and he almost desperately tried to find them a hunt that would involve them killing something that was actually physical.

And thankfully, they finally found one that involved a shapeshifter, something physical and full of life and blood that he could rip apart with his hands.

The whole hunt had been a mess from the beginning. From being called back to Stanford to being captured by the damn thing, he felt the anger rising more and more inside of him until he could barely see straight. When they finally managed to get a hold of the shapeshifter, with Sam helping and half carrying Becky away.

Finally leaving Dean along with the shapeshifter that looked like him who just leered at him with a smirk.

"Been aching for this, haven't you." the shifter jeered at him. "I can feel it. That little itch inside of you, god it almost drove me insane wearing your skin like this."

He laughed as Dean punched him, even as his head was snapped back and his jaw was loosened. Blood dripped down his face as he continued to laugh.

"You think you're so much better, just because you do this, you give yourself just a little bit of an outlet, a little bit of fun." he taunted. His head was thrown to the side at the next punch, eye swelling and closing.

He wasn't sure why, but the fact that the shifter was still wearing his face…

It made it easier to punch him.

"You can lie to yourself and everyone around you for as long as you like." the shifter rasped out, single eye twinkling. "But you know the truth, the real truth."

"You're just as much of a monster as I am."

Dean gritted his teeth and brought his arm back before letting his fist hit him again and again. His face, his chest, his stomach, anywhere and everywhere that he could reach. Anything to just get him to stop talking, stop saying anything.

He just wanted to get to the end result, to the part of this where he could feel relief and be at peace for just a little bit.

And if he ended up killing the thing that looks like him with his bare hands?

Then that was just a bonus.

He wasn't sure when he stopped, when the rushing sound of blood in his ears stopped, or anything else. But finally he stopped moving, staring down at the mess of skin, bone, and blood that used to be a shifter.

His knuckles were aching as was his hands, he was sure that he had torn skin and bruised them at the least. Nodding at the creation he left he straightened up and turned around.

To see Sam standing there in the doorway, staring at him in horror.

#supernatural #Supernatural fanfic #supernatural fanfiction #spn fanfiction #366 #157/366 #366 day challenge #366 days of writing #Inheritance Through Blood au #dean winchester #Sam Winchester #mark of cain!dean

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galivantingg · 4 years

Text

sinking

the beginning

People want to believe they are what they choose to remember. The good stuff. -It Chapter Two

Jacob thinks about that quote a lot. What does he remember about himself? His mind flashes back to the days of arguments, bullying and proving to be the biggest brat ever. Of name calling, rude quips and stoney faces. Too long arguments about things that didn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. If all he remembers is the bad stuff, does that make him a bad person? Yes, it does. Jacob is a bad person. He's mean, belittling, and takes everyone for granted. He thinks about himself first, doesn't ask how the other is doing in return, at least not automatically. He has to try to be nice. He has to force it. Jacob is a bad person because he is a thoughtless person. He just doesn't think, before he acts, or speaks. He literally is, head empty, no thoughts.

He can be nice, people have told him that, but he doesn't think he is nice. He has his moments, It's usually when he's giving someone something, or doing something for them, but there's no ulterior motive; except for validation. That's all Jacob wants. Validation. He wants to be noticed, to be needed. And when he does something for someone, he becomes needed. Which grants him what he wants, which makes him a bad person. Nice people don't do things for others for expect something in return. It is a fact, Jacob is a bad person.

Now that that's out of the way, let's begin.

Jacob was lying there on his bed, watching the sun rise through his window. He wanted to know the time, but didn’t have the energy to turn his head to the side and check the clock. The sun was a little over halfway over the houses, the sky a brilliant blue already, and the birds were just as annoying as ever. It was pretty at first, but after the first twenty minutes of tuneless chirping it became tiresome. He doesn't remember the last time he slept properly. Either he'd come home, sleep until dinner, push his food around, then go back to sleep, waking up some time around four or five in the morning, and spend the next two hours staring out his window or at his ceiling, or he'd come home and not sleep at all. There was no in between, no compromise. He'd either get roughly eleven hours of sleep in one day, or none. On nights he didn't sleep he would do homework for ten hours straight. He'd work through essay after essay, checking the syllabus for each class and starting a new one when he finished. Never mind if it hadn't been assigned yet, Jacob would do it. He'd do anything to avoid sitting and staring at his wall for ten hours. He thinks he has insomnia, but it could just be a symptom of the depression.

He only allowed a certain time slot for his thoughts to run wild. If he didn't keep to his routine, he'd go insane.

His family didn't see him often, not for a while. His parents didn't approve of him locking himself in his room all the time, but they got his report cards, ninety-five percent average, and he joined them for meals, so they didn't fight it. In fact, they just carried on with things. They would make jokes, "oh look, he's alive!", "well well well there's a surprise for you," and a couple "woah! Sorry, not used to seeing you". The jokes didn't make him want to spend time with them. Of course, if he told them that, they'd say that it's only a joke, he shouldn't be so sensitive. He would say he's not being sensitive, it makes him feel judged. They would tell him that he needs to stop taking everything so seriously, it was just a joke. He’s not laughing.

They don't understand. Sure maybe it's not their fault, maybe Jacob could've explained things better when he was formally diagnosed two years ago, or even when he first started feeling this way six years ago, but he knows it wouldn't matter. They can be sympathetic, but they'll never really understand. They'll never be empathetic, and Jacob knows this for sure. He knows this because when he told his mother he was depressed maybe four years ago, she brushed it off. She said, "Oh Jacob, I know it seems like that now, but just wait. You'll feel better soon," completely ignoring the fact that Jacob had said he'd felt like this for two years at that point. Things just went downhill from there.

Jacob has a lot of feelings about the past four years. Mostly nothing, but sometimes he'll be overcome with anger, then annoyance, and then that blissful emptiness. That wonderful nothing.

Months went by, and nothing changed. Not even his mom's attitude towards him. Jacob remembers when one of his friends found out by accident. He was keeping a secret, but said something he shouldn't have, which led to that friend finding something Jacob wanted to keep secret. He was nicer to Jacob for a while after that, it took Jacob a while to notice. Every time someone in the group would tease him, that friend would tell them to back off. Jacob didn't know where it was coming from at first, but was thankful nonetheless. Until he found screenshots of a conversation between that friend and another friend in the group, talking about Jacob's secret. His friend was only being nicer because of this secret.

Jacob was angry for a while. He didn't understand why being depressed was the only way to get them to stop teasing him, to stop making him the butt of the joke. Why couldn't they see that it doesn't matter if he's depressed or not, he shouldn't have to endure that much teasing. Then they went back to normal. And Jacob stopped feeling angry. He just felt empty.

There's a memory Jacob has, a memory of when he was maybe six, and it was his mother's birthday. His dad wanted him to stand next to him while they sang Happy Birthday to his mom, but instead he was knelt next to the coffee table untying his toy dog on wheels from the leg. He was still singing Happy Birthday, not to mention he was six, so it's not like he really understood anyway, but his dad got mad. He was taken upstairs to his room, and was yelled at, until he started crying. Jacob has a vague memory of being hit across the face, but looking back, he doesn't know if that really happened. He attributes that moment to his development of depression. He doesn't remember experiencing all the symptoms, but he does remember around Grade Six feeling like he will never be enough. He clearly remembers trying hard to fit in, but no one really wanted him around. He'd interact with people, but wouldn't get the same reaction as others did. He'd say something witty, and no one would laugh, but someone else would say a simplified version of it and suddenly they were the funniest person in the world.

Jacob has some issues.

Sometimes these memories made him angry, other times embarrassed, but more often than not they just reminded him why he doesn't belong.

A soft knock came from the door, and he heard his mother from the other side say, "Jacob, honey, are you awake yet?" Jacob sat up and pushed himself off the bed, walking to his door. He twisted the knob, pulling the door towards him and walked away to his dresser, pulling clothes out of the drawers. "Good morning sweetie, how are you?" His mom took a step into his room. A twinge of annoyance flickered in the back of his mind but he shoved it down, telling himself he has no right to feel that way. His parents didn't ask much of him, he has no right to be rude to them.

"I'm good fine, mom, only been awake for a bit so I don't really know if it's been a good day or a bad day yet," he turned to face her, smiling a bit. He had become an excellent liar over the years, able to hide his mood and fib his way through a conversation. "I'm gonna shower now though," he murmured, starting to walk towards the door. She smiled gently at him and stepped to the side, following him out and walking down the stairs.

As he lathered shampoo in his hair his head was filled with the usual back and forth debate on whether or not the people in his life actually cared about him. The evidence is pretty fifty fifty. An image of the gentle smile flashed across his mind, then he remembered a moment where his mother had said that he needed to get out in order to feel happier. But she isn't wrong, statistically speaking fresh air is better for you, and exercise releases endorphins that make him happy. On the other hand, he knew that if he went out without someone expecting him some place at some time, he wouldn't exactly be careful when crossing the street. He doesn't trust himself, and while he doesn't believe his family actually likes him as a person, he could never risk hurting them, no matter how much pain they've caused him.

That shower got depressing really fast. He shook his head and stepped out, grabbing a towel and drying himself off. He pulled on his clothes, brushed his teeth, moisturized and opened the door, heading down the hall and walking down the stairs. He greeted his dad, grabbed an apple, picked up his school bag and headed out the front door. Jacob dropped his bag in the passenger seat of his car and slid in behind the wheel, starting up the car and tapping his fingers on the wheel. Thirty seconds later the front door opened and slammed shut, and out of the corner of his eye he saw two figures moving across the lawn towards him. The locks made an audible sound when he locked them, just as the girl put her hand on the passenger side handle.

"Um Jake," she said, not looking very pleased. "What, do you think you're doing?"

Jacob rolled down the window and leaned over, smiling up at her. "Back seat is for people who crash their cars, Phoebs."

"Don't call me that it's not my name," she snapped back, her hand still on the handle. The boy behind her started snickering. "Shut it Pai." The boy's head snapped up, a scowl on his face now.

"Hypocrite." He muttered.

Jacob was still smiling. "You two, in the back. Now."

The girl still wouldn't let go of the door handle. They're going to be late at this rate.

"Only if you promise not to shorten our names anymore," she said, loosening her grip.

Jacob sighed. Well there goes all his fun. "Fine. Phoebus, Paieon, back seats. Let's go."

They smiled, the same smile, stupid twins and their identicalness. He unlocked the door and they slid into the back seats like plebeians, then they were off. The ride was filled with beautiful serenity. Just kidding. It was filled with the sounds of Phoebus and Paieon arguing, over something stupid no doubt. Jacob paid them little mind. He was very good at ignoring everything, from feelings to hunger pains, among other things, not to toot his own horn or anything. Those other things include overanalyzing, patronizing others, and most of all, worrying. He is very good at worrying. Soon they pulled up next to the school and the twins were dashing out of the still moving car (yikes!) shouting something along the lines of "see you at three ten". Jacob took a moment to himself to breathe, drawing up the energy and reinforcing his walls for the day. Each day got harder and harder, it was only a matter of time. You’re not here for yourself, you’re here for others. Your purpose is to serve until you are no longer needed.

A knock on his window startled him. He looked over to see a girl leaning down, her hair hanging freely and a furrow in her brow, She mimed cranking down the window, like in an old car. Jacob rolled down the window. "Yes?"

"Sorry," she said, biting her lip. "It's just uh, you looked I don't know, alone? I was wondering if you're okay?" Jacob's eyebrows rose in surprise. She must be new. "Yeah, I am new," she laughed a little, looking away then looking back at him. Her eyes seemed to look past his walls and see right into his soul. He didn't like it. Make it stop.

"I'm Jacob, but everyone around here calls me autistic mostly." Jacob said, staring right at her to gauge her reaction. She looked taken aback.

"Are you?"

That's a new one. Asking if he is autistic. He shook his head. "Just anti-social," he smiled half heartedly. She grinned.

"So I'm getting the most anyone's ever gotten out of you?" Jacob nodded his head, confirming. She smiled again, her eyes twinkling. There was something behind them, something he couldn't quite place. Oh well, must not be important. "Cool. Why don't we head in and you show me around, Jacob?" The way she said his name sent a shiver down his spine, and he tried not to move so it wouldn't show. He smiled a little, and she stepped back to let him out. He locked the door behind him, and she wound herself around his free arm, the other shouldering his bag. Jacob looked down at her in surprise. No one has willingly gotten this close to him in a long time. The only time he had physical contact was during gym class.

He opened his mouth to say something but she forged on ahead, dragging him along with her. He was too confused and overwhelmed by this sudden change that he didn't notice they had arrived at his locker. He was still confused as he unlocked it, grabbing a textbook he had forgotten and closing it.

"Take me to the office? I need to get my schedule and student card." He nodded dumbly, letting himself once again be dragged along. She looked up at him and gave him another dazzling smile, and it took him walking into the wall for him to regain his focus. He laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand and set off through the hall, ignoring the looks from the students staring at the weirdo with a very beautiful new girl hanging off his arm. His mask rose, and his face went stoney. They arrived at the office and his second mask slipped into place. His customer service mask, if you would.

"Good morning Irene," he greeted the older woman behind the desk. She didn't look up. "I have a new student here who needs her student ID and timetable if that's not too much trouble?" Irene mumbled something. He leaned closer, "Pardon? I didn't quite catch that sorry."

She looked up at him as if he had personally wronged her family a thousand years ago, then repeated, "Name?"

Jacob froze for a second, just now realizing that she knew his name, but he didn't know hers. "Leah Marsh," she jumped in, still holding on to Jacob's arm. Would she ever let go? Irene muttered again, and Leah must have very good hearing because she laughed and said, "No no, we're not related. We just met," and she looked back up at him with that dazzling smile and that twinkle in her eye. Jacob's ears went red. She laughed.

Irene stood and grabbed something from a drawer, a piece of paper and a small plastic ID card, putting them on top of the half wall separating them before sitting back down. "Have a good day now," she murmured to her computer screen.

Jacob smiled, the polite boy his mother raised in him coming out. "Thank you, you too."

And they were off once again, Leah dragging Jacob out the door and around the corner.

"Let me see your schedule? I can help you find your classes before the bell goes." Jacob offered. He held out his hand, and Leah passed over the piece of paper. He scanned it, then scanned it again. He pulled out his phone and her the two items next to each other, looking back and forth. "Looks like we have all the same classes? Odd," he murmured.

"Cool!" Leah said. He glanced over at her and her face was brighter than the sun. How could one person be so happy? Doesn't it get tiresome?

"Well I guess we're heading to first period English," he handed back the schedule. "Come on, it's this way." He led her down the north hall, stuck inside his head again. He was so caught up in his own mind that he didn't notice Leach staring directly at him, not even looking where they were going. Which led to her knocking into someone, of course.

"Hey!" The kid exclaimed, outraged, until he got a good look at who he had bumped into. "Oh, hey," his voice changed, and Jacob finally snapped out of his thoughts and looked over.

"I'm so sorry, I was leading and I didn't see you," Jacob apologized, getting a good look at the kid. It's Matthew, one of the popular kids. He's a guard on the basketball team, though he should be post guard, what with his height. He was a tall lanky kid, and easily made three pointers. The only reason Jacob knew this is because one of his classes is Yearbook, which makes him a photographer for the school. You'd think that would make people be a little nicer to him, but nope. Still gets bullied.

Matthew sneered. "Who said you could speak, retard." Jacob looked at the ground, ashamed. He should've known better. Leah giving him attention does not make him liked by everyone else all of a sudden.

Leah laughed lightly, and he looked at her. "No, Jacob's right, we should have been paying attention. Sorry about that," she lifted one of her hands and held it vertically in front of her face. Odd. Jacob had never seen someone do that before. He'd never seen anyone like Leah before. She truly was a unique person.

Matthew looked her up and down, then smirked lightly. "Why are you hanging out with this retard?"

"We have all the same classes it seems, so he's showing me around." Leah smiled up at him and this time Jacob wished she hadn't. Matthew was glaring at him and if looks could kill, well let's just say Jacob wouldn't be doing too well.

"Why don't I show you around? You're not going to get much out of him, he doesn't talk." Matthew was speaking to Leah but was staring directly at Jacob. It was like Matthew was daring him to say something, prove him wrong, but Jacob knew better. Any time he spoke outside of class, weird things would happen. He'd suddenly trip, or his books would be knocked out of his hand, or even weirder, he'd be shoved head first into a locker. Strange.

Jacob said nothing. Leah looked back up at him, and finally noticed his whole demeanour had changed. He was rigid, stone face and looking at the ground. More than that he was closed off. The arm she was holding onto had gone limp, and he other hand was shoved into his pocket. She gently let go of his arm. Matthew smiled broadly. He held out his arm, as if he were a gentleman.

"Great, let's go." Matthew led the two of them down the hall, chatting animatedly. She didn't look back.

The next few hours passed in a haze of learning, note taking and teachers droning on, just as bored as their students. Jacob didn't understand why but he was somehow hurt from Leah ditching him. He shouldn't be, because everyone leaves him at some point, but she seemed different. There was something about her, she was warm, friendly, and she seemed genuine. Ah well, it doesn't matter now. She met Matthew and she was obviously getting along well with him. Jacob sat in the middle at the far side of his classes, trying not to draw attention to himself. He'd also somehow get there earlier than everyone else, and would keep his head down as people walked in. He noticed Leah walking in each time, but she didn't look at him. That solidified it in his mind: she wasn't worth the emotions he was feeling.

He focussed on the board, transferring the words from the board to his laptop, then don't get too comfortable, you're just a placeholder. He shook his head lightly, shaking away the unpleasant thoughts. Intrusive thoughts begone! He doesn't have time for this, he needs to take notes.

Lunch came and Leah walked right past him with Matthew and another girl named Clarissa. Matthew stared at him as they walked past, as if challenging him to say something, but Jacob knows his place. He looked down. Grabbing an iced tea from the cafeteria he paid for it and headed out a set of double doors to the lawn, finding a tree and climbing up into it. He pulled his apple out of his bag and bit into it, enjoying the peace up in the branches. It was quiet, birds chirping and kids laughing, tossing around a football or stretched out on the grass. Jacob looked up, captivated by the sun shining through the leaves.

This tree was his escape, no one else ever came out this far so no one else was there to bully him.

He stared out at the field, looking at each and every person. They know him, but they don't at the same time. They know his face, his speech (or lack thereof). What they don't know is his mannerisms, his story, his raison d'être, which really doesn't exist. They don't know that sometimes he cries himself to sleep, sometimes he doesn't sleep, and when he does, he dreams of everyone around him leaving. The haunting image of the backs of those he loves flashes across his eyes and this time he doesn't shake his head. He embraces it. They don't love him, it's just a fact. Well, they do, but they don't. What Jacob means is that they love him, because they're family, but they don't love him for him. They don't love his random outbursts of weirdness, standing in doorways like a creep, making horrible jokes. They don't love who he is as a person, and that's okay. Jacob can barely tolerate himself, how are others supposed to tolerate him?

Before he knows it, he's climbed to the very top of the tree, and he's leaping out of it,

falling

falling.

He crashes to the ground hard on his arm and lets out an involuntary yelp, drawing the attention of the other students outside. Well shit. That's not what he was planning, but it's happened now and there's no going back. Some kids came running over, the ones who didn't really know him, and one asked if he was okay. Does he look like he's okay? He's pale, sweating, and his right arm is bent awkwardly. He is not okay. They send someone inside, and the kid who asked if he's alright kneels beside him, helping him lean against the tree. He spots Jacob's bag in the tree and stands up to grab it, pulling out his iced tea.

"Thanks man," Jacob says, accepting the drink.

"What happened?" The kid asked.

"I was trying to climb higher, but I must've slipped or something because next thing you know I'm falling."

"Hm," the kid pondered. What could he be pondering? "Cause from where I was it looked like you had jumped out," he looked sideways at Jacob, and his blood froze.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Jacob stammered. The kid just looked at him coolly.

Before he could answer he was interrupted by someone else rushing over, calling his name.

"Jacob? Jacob!" He looked up, and saw it was Leah. She was followed closely by Matthew and Clarissa, and in no time she was kneeling on his other side, hands halfway through the air and her face riddled with worry. "Are you okay? What happened?"

Jacob just stared at her. What was she doing here? This was a complete turn around from how she had been acting earlier. Matthew and Clarissa had caught up. "I'm telling you Leah," Matthew was shaking his head, still wearing that stupid smirk. "He's not going to talk."

Leah glared at him before turning back to Jacob, looking at him softly. The pain from his arm was already starting to go away, which makes absolutely no sense at all. "Jake are you okay?" He felt that twinge of annoyance at the nickname, who was she to give him a nickname, but he shoved it down. He nodded.

"He fell out of the tree," the kid said. Jacob didn't know who he was, and he knows everyone. He has to, he's on yearbook.

"Oh my god, Jakey that's horrible! Is your arm hurt?" She lightly touched his broken arm and he hissed, drawing back a bit. From Jake to Jakey in less than a minute. Who was she? Why did she feel so comfortable with him, and why did he feel so comfortable with her? He just wanted to tell her everything was alright, but nothing was alright.

Leah looked up at the kid, a smile covering her face. "Thanks for coming to his rescue and letting me know. My name is Leah, nice to meet you," she held out her hand and the kid shook it.

"Erick," he replied, smiling tightly. How did Erick know to get Leah? What's with this kid?

"The retard is fine, Leah. Just leave him alone," Matthew said, growing impatient.

Leah whipped her head back to glower at him. "The 'retard'," she spat, emphasizing the slur, "is my mate, so back the fuck off."

What?

Matthew held his hands up, trying to calm her. "Woah, how was I supposed to know that?"

Leah just growled. It sounded animalistic. The gears in Jacob's mind started to turn. How she had shown up when he was in distress near her, how she had answered a question he had only thought, why she seemed so keen on attaching herself to him. But why did she leave him then? Why did she choose to go with Matthew over him? This doesn't make sense. First he has to accept that werewolves are real, she's much too warm to be a vampire, but she could be a selkie? Or any other mythical creature really. Jacob doesn't know, he doesn't know anything anymore. If they were werewolves, and that's a pretty big if, Jacob could understand why Matthew always hit him so hard, versus other people, like Max, or Grizz.

Jacob lifted his eyebrows. His arm is broken, he's been on an emotional rollercoaster today, and he would just like to know what's going on. So he said as much. "So, what pack are you guys from?"

"I'm a rogue," Leah replied, turning to look at him.

"Half Moon," Matthew responded offhandedly. Then he realized what he said. He put a sneer on, "What's it to you?"

"I'm human," Jacob shrugged, ignoring the pain.

"Ah," Matthew said, nodding. "Wait, what?" He looked at Leah, then back at Jacob. This is probably the first time they've held eye contact for this long. "How are you human?"

"Uh, good question. I just am? My whole family is human." Jacob replied.

Matthew shook his head. "No, your family is part of the other pack in this town, Rising Sun. You smell like them, so we all assumed that you just hadn't shifted yet, which is why we bully you. But you're saying you're human?"

None of this makes sense.

Jacob nodded. "Yep, that's what I'm saying. Guess I need to have a talk with my family about a certain furry secret." Jacob smirked. This'll be fun. God this day has been crazy, and it's not even halfway over. Wait a second, Leah said she's a rogue?

"So," Jacob looked at Leah. "You're a rogue?"

Leah stiffened. Touchy subject apparently. She nodded.

"And you're my mate,"

Leah brightened, "Yeah! I wanted to tell you, but you got so cold when we ran into Matty that I thought maybe you were going to reject me," she looked at the ground. She's lying. She wasn't going to tell him, she didn't want to tell him. She's only here now because of what they call the mate bond, and she couldn't exactly up and leave halfway towards running to him. Then she'd really look like a bitch. Jacob is seriously starting to doubt she actually wants to be mates with him.

"Fascinating," Jacob commented. Leah frowned. Jacob shook his head. "That there are werewolves," he explained. It was kinda cool. "So what other mythical creatures are real?"

Leah was about to launch into a whole explanation but she was cut off by Erick. "Shouldn't we get him to the office? His arm is still broken." Thank you Erick, for being the voice of reason. Jacob never would have remembered that the bone in his arm is broken if not for that comment. It's not like he couldn't feel the searing pain coming from the limb. How enlightening.

"That would be much appreciated," Jacob said instead. Erick helped him up, and Leah tried to help by grabbing his other arm, which was the broken arm. It did not help. She retracted her hands, demoting herself to just standing and walking beside him. Irene the office woman was not entirely impressed to see him, but called an ambulance nonetheless and he was off. He got his cast, bright pink of course, and was given some pain meds before being sent on his merry way.

He walked back to the school.

Since he was technically exempt from his afternoon classes but it was close to three ten so he just waited in the car. After bumming around on Tumblr for a bit, he finally heard the bell go, and not long after that his beloved younger twin siblings were racing out the school doors, headed right for the car. They tugged on the door handles impatiently, waiting for Jacob to unlock it. He finally did, and they slid in.

"Why are you out so early? Aren't your spares tomorrow?" Jacob lifted up his broken arm in response. He looked back at their faces, the picture of surprise. Eyebrows raised, mouths in the shape of a O. Hilarious. With that, Jacob started the car and drove off. When they got home, Phoebus slamming the door of course, the twins headed upstairs and Jacob strolled into the kitchen, ready for his talk with his parents.

"So I met my mate today," he said casually. His mom was typing on the computer, his dad filling out papers, and neither of them looked up.

"That's great sweetie," his mother said lightly, still not paying attention. Silence, then, "What did you say?"

"My mate," Jacob said louder. "I found her,"

"Mm not possible Jacob," his dad murmured. "You're not a werewolf."

"But you guys are," Suddenly they froze, finally tuning into the conversation.

Gotcha!

#wip #em writes #sinking #mental health #mental health awareness #tw depression #tw suicidal thoughts #depression #suicidal thoughts #suicidal #wish a dash of fantasy because that's what I wanted to do #writing in progress #writing #writeblr #magic #werewolves #mates #werewolf

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theherblifeblog · 4 years

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33 Stimulating & Satisfying Activities to Do During Social Distancing

By Leighana Martindale

It’s an absolute bonkers time right now! Many of us are feeling anxious, fearful, depressed, and so many other intense feelings from the Coronavirus and hysteria surrounding it. Most of the world is currently partaking in social distancing, a lockdown, or quarantine. Either way, that’s a lot of free time at home!

Instead of falling into a negative pattern we can choose to do things differently, instead of scrolling on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook or binge watching Netflix we’ve brainstormed 33 stimulatory and satisfying activates you can do at your house. Don’t drag yourself down by consuming so much social media, news, and junk content. Fear lowers your immune system and now is the time to be building it up.

We all have the chance to use this as a learning opportunity, to focus on the projects we never have time for, to nurture our creative sides, and allow our inner child to come play! We have the ability to use this time to connect and grow.

33 Stimulating & Satisfying Activities to do During Social Distancing

*Safety Tip: Please keep in mind that some of these items only apply if you are not sick or experiencing symptoms. Not spreading germs is key right now so please don’t partake in activities that could jeopardize your health or other people’s health.

1. Breathing Exercises Breathing exercises are so good for calming and centering us. This can help combat the stress and anxiety you may experience. Corvid-19 has been nothing but stressful and if you haven’t been stressed once then you’re insanely amazing and I need to know what kind of goddess witch you are!

2. Yoga & Stretching This is another amazing way to connect with the body and ground yourself. When you are stretching or doing your poses, try to go slow and take your time. Mix these with your breathing exercises and really let gravity help relax and stretch your muscles. Especially your hips if you sit a lot.

3. Dancing This is such a great mood booster and something that may sound silly but will make you feel great! Make a playlist of your favorite jamz and get jiggy with it!

4. Exercise Helping combat stress again, breaking a sweat will you give you the happy endorphins which we all could use a little more right now. Plus we should be getting healthy and taking care of our bodies regardless!

5. Meditate Meditation is a great technique but one hard to master, give it a try and if you find you need help, Youtube has a lot of amazing guided meditations all varying to what you are looking for/need!

6. Collage Find some old magazines, newspapers, photos, or anything with pictures and make a collage! This can be time-consuming depending on how deep you get into but something really fun and satisfying when you finish.

7. Learn more about using CBD in your workout routines.

Give it try when/if you do any of the physical activities above.

8. Do a puzzle

Puzzles are so fun, especially ones that take you a while to figure out. Create a little corner in your home and start puzzling away. This is a great activity for keeping the brain sharp.

9. Deep clean your house Oh yeah, this one isn’t the most fun but damn is it satisfying! What better way to come out of a lockdown than with a squeaky clean house that you can get the fuck out of!

10. Organize your house Go through that junk drawer, fold all that laundry, match those socks, all the annoying organizational stuff we tend to put off is the perfect thing to cross of the list.

11. Create a donate bin

Definitely DO NOT do this one if you are sick, but if you are not - start a donate pile to take to Goodwill once we’re allowed to socialize again.

12. Upload items to Depop and/or Poshmark If there were items in your donate that you want to sell now is the perfect time to upload them to resale apps. Why not try and make some extra cash if you can?

13. Learn more about the birthplace of medical cannabis

Taking this time to expand your knowledge is a great way to spend your time so why not learn about the place that changed it all for legalizing cannabis.

14. Read some books Books are always are favorite and there are so many great ones! Check out our recommended reads here.

15. Watch Abstract on Netflix Definitely not the mind-numbing type of TV you might normally be attracted to, Abstract is a really amazing documentary on various artists who do a lot of nature like and perception based abstract art.

16. Watch Our Planet on Netflix Another great one, Our Planet is perfect to watch while stoned yet you still learn a lot about nature therefore making it okay.

17. Watch The Universe on Netflix Like Our Planet is The Universe which is a similar concept expect about space and one we would recommend.

18. Watch Unacknowledged on Netflix Finally, learn more about extraterrestrials and how they are peaceful from my hero Dr. Steven Greer. This is honestly the #1, absolute best and most credible documentary on aliens I have ever seen. Definite must watch!

19. Learn more about growing your own weed indoors Nothing like a time like this to make you think about growing your own, and I’m not talking about just vegetables but weed too. Self-sustainability is the true goal.

20. Learn more about Cannabis and the ancient science of Ayurveda

The word Ayurveda can be translated to ‘the science of life’ or the ‘the are of longevity’,

21. Practice learning another language There are tons of free courses on Spotify and Youtube. Give it a try!

22. Journal Check-in with yourself. Read previous journal entries and just connect with your deeper self. Sometimes it’s crazy what can surface when we just start writing.

23. Learn a new skill by watching Youtube channels There are SO MANY YouTube videos out there and on pretty much everything there is. So pick something that you’ve always been interested in and start learning!

24. Clean your computer files and desktop Oh yeah, not fun but SO necessary.

25. Delete photos from your phone Again, you’ve got a lot of time and when are you ever going to actually do it if you don’t do it now?

26. Delete old conversations from your phone

Yup, keep going. You’re going to be clutter-free!

27. Clear your email storage

Go through your inbox and delete any spam/promotions/ trash Definitely the most intimidating task but one that many of us need to do. Did you know all your emails take us physical storage on the server? So that means there are islands of servers out there taking up space and energy that hold your spam.

28. Call and catch up/check in with your family, friends, and any elders in your life.

Especially now, just do it. Even if you don’t get along that well, a little kindness can go a very long way.

29. Read up on local politics and prep for the election *Trigger warning: This may add wayyy more stress and anxiety but also it’s really important and the elections coming no matter way, so are the primaries. Be prepared.

30. Contact your mayor to ask for their plan on handling meals for children when the schools shut down

Many schools are shutting down, some school districts have made it a priority to provide meals for the children still because for many that is their only meal. So please ensure your community is feeding people who don’t have food.

31. Find out what efforts to feed people are going on in your community and see how you can contribute

Again, this is so important, if you think this is scary for you, just imagine someone who can’t eat now, has no home, is looking at getting evicted, etc.

32. Spread love not germs and practice your daily positive affirmations Positive affirmations, love, positive affirmations, love. Spread it, spread it, spread it! [not germs though].

33. Digital Detox Connect and share love. But also this can be overwhelming so do a digital detox one day. The amount of negativity in the air is inescapable if we are constantly feeding it to ourselves.

No matter what you do, just remember to stay safe, boost your immune system, and wash your hands!

#coronavirus #leighannalynn #covid 19 #diy #self isolation #craft #mental health

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tigerdrop · 3 years

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never gonna forget that Gordon dogboy sketch that had a huge maw hanging over one of his shoulders. mr. drop takes hella good care of his followers

hee hee.......well......i dont know if i ever posted it but that was a lil doodle of a werewolf AU i was writing on and off. i never finished it but here are some snippets for u

For the most part, Gordon’s gotten used to this strange new relationship. When you’ve spent long enough tucking a long, fluffy tail into your waistband every couple of weeks, it’s not much of a stretch to accept that there’s another guy just like you out there. Even if it *is* a little weird that you both work at the same top-secret facility in a dusty New Mexico hamlet that isn’t actually listed on the map. (He’s started to wonder if maybe he isn’t the only experiment-gone-wrong at that place.) The point is, hanging out with guys from work isn’t that out of the ordinary. Plenty of the other researchers do it. And there’s not much else to do on the weekends but shoot the shit with that security guard who’s always lingering around his wing. The one who’s all… rules-lawyer-y and irritating and determined to be a thorn in Gordon’s side, sure, but it’s not like any of the other security guards talk to him much.

Howling at the moon together was one thing. But Gordon’s not sure who started all the… playing. Fighting. Roughhousing. It just felt *good* to get all that animal energy out of him, okay? And Benrey’s the only guy he knows who can keep up with him. That’s what sealed his fate, probably. All that exercise gives him endorphins, right, and endorphins make you feel good, and humans are social creatures ruled by hormones (and he’s still half-human, at least) and he got to associating those good feelings with the one guy who drives him the most fucking insane in the entire complex. Good feelings like… like the shivers that crawl up the back of Gordon’s neck when he feels Benrey jam his snout up against his hairline and sniff. Or that heavy weight crushing him to the ground while Benrey chuffs at him. Or the feeling of hands, broad and massive and tipped with sharp, sharp claws, palming at his stomach and pinning him and pushing and pulling and manhandling and—

And—

Gordon blinks, and he’s already late to get back to his shift. Shit.

He’s been aware of that electric tension in the air for months, now, because now he can *smell* just how bad Benrey’s got it for him. He— Gordon thought it was a joke, okay? He’s used to jokes like that. But Benrey can’t fake those pheromones that roll off of him in waves, every time he bows his head to invite Gordon to play. Gordon couldn’t pick up on shit like that before the whole… Nintendogging thing.

And even if he didn’t have his nose on his side, well. Benrey’s been acting kind of funny lately, anyway. Squeezing him tighter. Panting harder. Grinding his teeth. Letting his tongue loll out of his mouth, like he’s trying so hard to take in Gordon’s scent that he thinks he can taste it. And Gordon’s pretty sure he’s felt *something* worryingly boner-like pressed against him before, but he’s never felt like he should ask. He doesn’t wanna be the guy to break kayfabe and broach the subject. Like, maybe Benrey’s not even aware it’s happening. Or at least, that’s what he tries to convince himself of, because he’s having a very hard time coming to grips with the fact that he might, possibly, actually want it. That. *Fucking.*

By the time that moon waxes into fullness again, Gordon has spent an obscene amount of time trying to come to grips with this. And, for the most part, he has failed.

He cranes his neck to look for the source, but—

Something hits him, from his blind spot— a massive weight, a force tackling him clear off the couch, and he lets out a shout until he hits the ground and all the air bursts from his lungs with a loud “woof”. He rolls— *they* roll— until they come to a stop, dust kicked up from underneath them and making Gordon cough. Once his eyes stop watering and he can breathe again, he looks up.

Benrey. Tongue lolling. Tail wagging. Clearly having turned before he got here. Gordon closes his eyes, long-suffering.

“You wanna give me some warning next time, man?” Gordon coughs out.

“i did warn you. take that… stupid hat off, maybe you’ll hear me better next time. even said your name and everything - ‘here, doggy, doggy.’”

“What— Fuck off, no you didn’t!” He squirms in Benrey’s grip, but the guy’s got a tight hold on his wrists. Fucker’s resorted to using surprise tactics to get the upper hand, huh? “What kinda werewolf are you? Scared you’re not gonna win if you don’t, fucking, scare me half to death first—”

“no handicaps. fox only. final destination,” Benrey says.

“Fucking— Give me that!” Gordon throws all his weight into it.

“try harder.” And Benrey just jerks it out of his reach.

It’s stupid. It’s *so* stupid. He’s a grown man. He doesn’t care that much about the hat. But he can’t drag his eyes away, either.

Click. Growl.

He wants it. He’s better than this. His heart’s pounding. He’s livid. He’s exhilarated. Benrey needs to quit fucking with him and let him get his goddamn *hat*!

“whassamatter?” Benrey taunts, leaning in closer. His nose is just inches from Gordon’s. “gettin’ mad? huh? gonna die mad about it, maybe—”

Gordon cuts him off with a sudden lunge forward, cracking their skulls together. All Benrey can do is grunt in surprise and draw back again.

“ow, what the hell, man?” whines Benrey. He gingerly rubs at his nose.

Eventually, their momentum grinds to a halt, and Gordon’s the one sitting smugly on top of him. Hat in hand. His tail thumps against Benrey’s side.

“You’re messing with the wrong guy. I’m in the *zone* tonight, man. Been doing a bunch of cardio lately,” Gordon tells him. Excitement and adrenaline make his words tumble out of him in a rush. “Black Mesa’s really good for jogging around, did you know that? And I’ve started doing squats at my desk, too. Got the idea from one of my podcasts. I think it’s really paying off!” Gordon’s tail lifts up, and it flicks back and forth erratically. Subconsciously.

Benrey’s eyes fixate on the motion, following it back and forth, back and forth. As if he’s not listening. “uh huh.”

“Hey, Earth to Benrey. Are you even paying attention to me?” he says testily, snapping his fingers in front of Benrey’s face.

“wuh?” Benrey blinks, but it takes him a solid couple of seconds to drag his gaze away from Gordon’s tail.

Irritation mounts in him.

————————

Sharp nails dig into him, and he can’t help the nasal little whine he makes in response. Like he’s a fucking dog. (No matter how much dog hair he has to get off his sheets every month, Gordon Freeman is *not* a dog. He has a master’s degree, for God’s sake!) It’s, it’s fear, it’s a normal human response to the very real threat of Benrey gutting him like a pig, and that’s all it is. Heart pounding. Sweating. Shivering. Against his neck, he feels something cold and wet. He shudders visibly, and Benrey huffs through his nose. His breath follows, hot, humid, and so close to Gordon’s ear that it makes goosebumps pebble on his skin. He’s… he’s *sniffing* Gordon. Panting, even.

Gordon chokes. When he struggles, he feels those pinpoint pressures sharpen, a warning not to move too much. So he tries to meter his breathing and keep himself very, very still.

“What are you *talking* about?”

Benrey sucks in a deep breath at the nape of Gordon’s neck. “fuuuck, gordon,” he slurs, before abruptly rolling them to the side.

Gordon’s flipped belly-up, still crushed against Benrey’s chest, and he yelps - he swears Benrey’s hand’s gonna slip, his abdomen’s thrust up into the air, he feels exposed and vulnerable and incredibly fleshy, like, in a ‘carcass on a butcher’s block’ kind of way. “J-Jesus Christ, what—”

#writin stuff #i have so much stuff on my backlog idk when ill add more to this......maybe someday......

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