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spacesuitsforemergency · 3 years

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Gracie’s Birth Day

A/N: Lol, the boys are absolutely useless and thank god Cora showed up when she did. And they refer to each other as girlfriends in this cause they get married later so yeah! Hope I got Cora’s character right!

“Dad, so help me god,” Lucy snapped as she glared up at her dad. “If you cook that chicken I’m going cook you.”

Remy glanced down at his very hostile and hormone filled daughter, who was sitting on the couch as he put away the groceries. He knew the smell of chicken specifically made her throw up, but damn.

“I won’t honey…Uh…is Cora coming over today?” He asked, deciding that wouldn’t be a question that would get her mad.

“Later. Right now she’s enjoying being able to walk without help.” Lucy grumbled. She wasn’t even mad at her girlfriend, just annoyed that walking was exhausting now with how big her belly was now. She was due to pop any day now, so she was very uncomfortable and irritated all the time rather than her usual sweet self.

Just then Eugene and Beau walked through the door, loudly arguing about something Lucy didn’t give two shits about to pay attention to. She rolled her eyes at their noise, but didn’t say anything as she went back to trying to read a new mother book that her dads had gotten her. She was right at the part about postpartum symptoms when she suddenly felt weird. Her stomach started to feel tight and started cramping, causing her to drop her book and gasp in pain at the sudden sharpness.

“Luc?” Eugene turned around to look at his sister, who was now doubled over (well, as best as she could with such a big stomach) in pain. “Oh my god. Are you leaking???”

“Honey? Are you okay?” Remy rushed over to her.

“I think…OW FUCK…I think it’s a contraction…”

“Oh shit. Oh damn. What do we do?” Beau started rambling. “Do we call an ambulance? No, we just drive you right? Do I need to call someone for you?”

“Hey!” Remy clapped for everyone’s attention. “Alright, I’m gonna get her into the car. Beau, go grab her duffel bag in her room. Eugene, call Kurt and tell him Willa needs to stay there with Anja for a bit. Then call Cora to let her know, and whoever else your sister wants.”

“I DON’T CARE JUST TAKE ME TO THE DAMN HOSPITAL.” Lucy shouted as the contraction started to calm down and she could relax.

After a chaotic trip to getting into the car, and of course a stupid traffic jam and having to wait for a room at the hospital, Lucy finally got into a delivery room and was now waiting for 1. Her girlfriend to show up and 2. For this baby to get out of her.

Beau was the only one panicking, he was constantly asking Lucy if she needed ice chips or anything, and he gasped at every time she got a contraction, which only stressed her out more so Remy took him out to the waiting room to find Raphael and wait for Cora. So meanwhile, Lucy got to spend some time with her brother.

“I wonder if you’ll still be fat afterwards.” Eugene snickered before dodging her hand to smack him.

“You’re so lucky I can’t get up on my own.” Lucy lightly laughed, still kinda in too much pain to laugh.

“Seriously though, how are you feeling?” He asked, sitting in the chair next to the bed.

“Uh, terrified? Exhausted already? Nervous?” Lucy scoffed. “I can’t do this. Are you kidding? How is this gonna come out of that?” She gestured to her stomach then…lower.

“Uhh…apparently y’all women stretch a lot down there, I don’t know.” Eugene shrugged, uncomfortable talking about a woman’s vagina during childbirth, let alone his sisters. “So uh, did you come up with any name ideas yet?”

“Yeah, I have a couple in mind.” She smiled.

“Lay them on me, I wanna vote.”

“Okay, Annie.”

“Are you raising a gun slinger? No.”

“Isabelle.”

“Too basic.”

“Monica.”

“She was the worst character on Friends.”

“Nathalie.”

“That’s cute.”

“Paulina.”

“Imagine being an adult named Paulina. Don’t do that to your daughter.”

“I’m sorry, who are you to tell me what I can name my child?”

“Well there’s only one problem, my dear sister. I didn’t hear a Eugenie or Eugenia in that list of options.”

“Cause it’s not one.”

“Uh! I will name one of my kids after you!”

“And that’s very sweet, but as much as I love the name Eugene, I don’t like Eugenia as much. It’ll be her middle name.”

“…it IS hard to live up to my fabtastic name.”

“Did you just say fab-OUCH.” Lucy winced at a contraction, and Eugene quickly grabbed the cold towel on the table and put it on her sweaty neck, and pet her hair to soothe her as best he could.

“Whatever you choose to name her, I am so excited to meet her.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and let her squeeze his hand in pain.

“I am too. Just wish it was under better…circumstances.” Lucy sighed as the contraction started to end and she leaned back into the bed. “God I’m so tired already.”

“LUCY?? LUCY?! LUCY!” A girl dressed in white and looking like she had just been put through a shredder ran into the room.

“Cora??? What happened to you?” Lucy stared at her frantic girlfriend.

“Was battling an Edward Scissorhands wannabe, doesn’t matter, my dear. How are you feeling? How far along are you?” She asked as she shoved Eugene aside and sat in his place, taking Lucy’s hand in hers and rubbing her thumb on the back of her hand.

“Uh, excuse you?” Eugene scoffed pettily, which both girls ignored.

“Okay, I guess. Nurse said I was dilated at 4 centimeters, so, almost halfway through that.” Lucy sighed. “But I’m so scared, I don’t know what to do with a baby!”

“Yes you do!” Cora laughed sweetly. “You read all those books, talked to Juliette, went to Lamaze classes, it’ll be okay. And I’m right here to help, darling.”

“Do you want ice chips, Luc?” Beau poked his head into the room.

“NO BEAU, IM FINE. I DON’T NEED YOUR DAMN ICE CHIPS.” Lucy yelled, annoyed that he was asking for the forty millionth time.

“You really should have some, dear, you need to stay hydrated.” Cora said softly.

“Okay.” Lucy tiredly smiled at her.

“What?!” Beau’s jaw dropped as Cora got up and took the cup of ice chips from him.

“Uh, Luc, I invited Ronan to come just so you know.” Eugene piped up, everyone ignoring Beau’s offended face as Cora helped Lucy eat some ice chips.

“Oh perfect, he’s probably gonna make a rap about this.” Lucy rolled her eyes and groaned. She did like Ronan, she really did, but the dude was a bit too much sometimes.

She whined in pain when another contraction washed over her, Cora rubbing her back and kissing her on the head to comfort her. Lucy shut her eyes and leaned into her girlfriend, nearly falling asleep once the contraction stopped.

A couple hours of waiting had passed, Lucy had just listened to her girlfriend talk about anything as she tried not to focus on all the pain. Her dads had dropped in a few times, Ronan had arrived and asked about a million questions that Lucy didn’t have the energy to answer, and Beau kept asking Cora if Lucy needed more damn ice chips. Then a nurse came in to check up on her, and said she was dilated at 9 centimeters and it was time to get the doctors and start the process of childbirth.

The doctors had tried to get everyone to leave the room, but Eugene threatened them until they let him, Ronan, Remy and Raphael stay with Lucy and Cora during this. As the doctors told Lucy to start pushing, each of her dads and brothers held one of her hands and she broke every single one of them in the first hour of pushing. She hasn’t broken Cora’s hand though, cause while she was in pain she didn’t want to hurt her so she was able to hold back as best she could.

“Honey, you have to breathe.” Cora whispered to her as she massaged Lucy’s shoulder with one hand.

“I am.” Lucy said, whilst not breathing.

“You have to keep pushing, Lucy.” The doctor delivering her baby told her.

“I can’t!” Lucy sobbed as she fell back into the bed, already so exhausted and in too much pain.

“You got this Lucy!” Ronan cheerleaded from the hallway.

“SHUT UP.” Lucy yelled at him, not in the mood for his shit.

“Darling, we need you to push, okay?” Cora encouraged, cupping her face gently. She looked into her girlfriends tired, scared and pain filled eyes, but hers remained calm and loving for her. “You’re doing amazingly, sweetie, you can do it.”

After a lot more pushing and a lot more cussing out Ronan and Eugene and a lot of support from her girlfriend, Lucy finally gave birth to her daughter. They quickly cleaned her off before handing her to Lucy, who immediately started crying with joy as she looked down at her baby. Cora also began to cry from joy beside her, reaching down and gently tucking the blanket around the tiny newborn as she rested her head against Lucy’s. Lucy didn’t even pay attention to doctors sewing her up, she didn’t even hardly notice since she was so overwhelmed with joy to care. After a few moments, the baby started to open her eyes and Lucy smiled as she looked into the black and red eyes of her baby.

“Hi, baby!” Lucy smiled even wider as tears poured down her face. “We’re your mama’s.”

#lora #lucy lebeau #gracie craddock lebeau #the lebeaus

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burnedbyshoto · 5 years

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Hello! Since your askbox is open, is it alright that ask for a request? If so, can you please write a scenario detailing the birth of Todoroki and his s/o’s first child? Maybe he is out on patrol when he hears that his s/o is about to give birth and has his friends rush him there? I’ve been having a bad week, so please inject me with fluff and good feels. Thank you!

anon, love, I hope this helps you feel better! I’m sorry I wasn’t able to upload this the day you submitted. I know I don’t know you, or you know me, but if you want to talk about this bad week please feel free to dm me!!! sending my love

todoroki shouto x first time pregnant!reader

warning: pure fluff!!!

Part Two Part Three Part Four

Pregnancy can be a beautiful thing, and in this case, it typically was.

The day you had found out you were pregnant you could not stop crying, immediately calling Shouto, your loving husband of two years, to bear the good news. While giving you an initial scare by immediately hanging up on you when spilling the news, you were relieved to find him next to you in five minutes with a bouquet of your favorite flowers and misty eyes.

You could still remember holding him tightly as you two hugged as tears fell down your face as you whispered to Shouto that it was real and that he was going to make an amazing parent.

That was exactly thirty-nine weeks ago, and now being an entire week overdue with the same raging pregancy hormones, you wanted this baby out of you!

You were a Pro-Hero before this baby, and you planned on staying a Pro-Hero once the sucker was born. Through a lot of pressure from family, friends, and mostly Shouto, you had agreed to spend the your pregnancy with your alumni U.A. and teach Hero Basics even though you would not be participating in any actual lessons as soon as you couldn’t see your toes anymore.

So there you sat at home, your swollen feet elevated on pillows as a heated blanket lay over your simultaneous cold and hot body, dumb hormones were making you crazy. You were overdue, and you were ready to quite literally kick this baby out of you. Were you excited to be a mother, definitely, but this child seemed to be tap dancing on your bladder like it was life or death.

“Relax, tenshi,” You whispered to your baby, rubbing your swollen belly as you grimaced as a terrible heat flash went throughout your body, “Are you seriously craving donuts right now? We just had an early dinner!” You gasped as images of the sugary sweet dessert flashed through your mind making your mouth water.

“Okay, you convinced me!” You laugh, it took you a while, but soon you managed to squirm off the couch and onto your feet only after two minutes. “That’s a new record, I should tell Shouto…”

How you used to be an S-Rank Pro-Hero you had no idea because now you couldn’t even put on shoes without assistance. “Mama is gonna cry when she has to get back into shape. You made me so fat!” You coo softly to yourself as you waddled over to your purse and grabbed it.

Checking yourself in the mirror, you groaned. Your face was so round that it officially beat Uraraka’s for roundest face in the old class 1-A. You wore a maxi sundress even though it was still February because nothing else fits! Well, sweaty old XXL shirts did but it just was not acceptable in public! Slipping on your sandals, you yelled goodbye to no one in the house and waddled out to buy some donuts.

You eventually made it to the donut shop with drool just about coming down your mouth as you entered the store.

“Ah, Todoroki-sama, I was wondering if you were going to be coming in at all today!” The owner greeted you with a bow as you laughed easily.

“My little Tenshi got his little donut cravings really late tonight, Takashima-sama you wound me, your best customer would never disappoint!” You teased back, your face contorted into a grimace as you clutched your swollen belly, waddling closer to the counter with your wallet ready.

“This one is on the house,” The store owner Takashima said, sliding over a box of half a dozen maple bars.

You teared up, accepting the box while sobbing, and left a generous tip as you went to sit down. Calming down slowly, you groaned as you placed the box down and froze.

Why was your leg wet?

You looked down, hands waving with heightened anxiety and shrieked, “ TAKASHIMA-SAMA, MY WATER BROKE!”

⋆✭⋆✭⋆⋆✭⋆✭⋆

Twenty minutes away via car stood Todoroki Shouto walking down the crowded streets of Tokyo with Midoriya and Iida. The three of them had finished working together for a promo radio interview and were now patrolling near their agencies.

“You know, I’ve really come to miss y/l/n-chan walking around with us,” Iida confessed as he waved to a young fan who was pointing him out to his mother.

“It’s Todoroki, Iida-kun,” Midoriya reminds Iida for the millionth time, but knows that no amount of reminding will ever get Iida to not call you by your maiden name.

“Y/n will be back soon after of course, she feels ready to return to the field,” Shouto says silently agreeing with the fact that he missed having his wife with him while working, it had to be the worst thing about you getting pregnant by far.

“Is she not overdue for the baby, as well? Don’t most pregnancies last only thirty-eight weeks?” Iida questioned as they stopped to take pictures with an obvious American fan.

“Y/n’s ob-gyn doctor said we shouldn’t worry, but that if by the end of the week if y/n hasn’t given birth naturally, she’ll need a c-section,” Shouto explained as he pulled out his phone feeling it buzzing. He saw your contact picture, a celebratory picture of you after finishing a rather intense hiking trail during your honeymoon. “It’s y/n.”

The two of them nod their head as they watched Shouto pick the phone to his ear as he turned around to give himself some privacy. Shouto spoke once, nodded three times and hung up after giving his love.

“Well, y/n is in labor, and I need to get going,” Shouto says eerily calm, his arms stiff by his side, and Midoriya just about jumps out of his skin.

“SHE’S IN LABOR?! OH MY GOD, I’M NOT READY!!”

“Do not panic, Midoriya-kun, it is Todoroki who is going to be the father, not you.” Iida reminds Midoriya who is looking in every direction trying to figure out a game plan for getting to the hospital.

“I KNOW THAT! BUT I–” Midoriya stops and looks over at Shouto who is visibly panicking. “Todoroki-kun, are you okay?”

“There are no more trains back to Musutafu until 21:00,” Todoroki says carefully and to their horror, it’s only 18:30. “Even if we take a car, we could be late.”

“No!” Iida and Midoriya yell.

“I’ll get you there on time!” Midoriya affirms turning his back to Shouto. “Get on!”

With a crackle of lighting, and the shout of “RECIPRO BURST” the three Pro-Heroes were gone without a trace.

⋆✭⋆✭⋆⋆✭⋆✭⋆

“It hurts!” You scream in pain as contraction after contraction plummets through you, obviously, your baby had no care in the world that 1. mama was in a hell lot of pain and 2. papa wasn’t here yet so you weren’t going to let him leave your womb.

“Todoroki-sama, you need to push! You’re going to get yourself or the baby hurt!” Your doctor yells obviously worried as you clenched your legs tightly together.

“I’m not having this baby without S-Shoucchan here!” You cry as the pain is quickly becoming unbearable.

“Y/n, I’m here!” A very frazzled looking Shouto walks through the delivery room, his body clothed in medical scrubs his face showing his fear and love. You giggle a bit like a lunatic seeing a few leaves stuck in his hair finding it amusing despite the pain.

“Midoriya and Iida brought y-yOU!?” You screamed again as your body is now fighting you on letting your baby come out.

You look up and see Shouto now at your bedside, his hand clutching yours as the doctor commands a few nurses to get things ready. “I was scared I was going to miss this…” Shouto admits as you clench his hand in yours as another painful contraction sears your body.

“You’re not missing anything!” You can’t help but snap as you throw your head back, a thin sheen of sweat covering your body. “Get this baby oUT OF ME!” You shriek at the doctor who has now positioned your legs for delivery.

“Alright, Todoroki-sama, I need you to push for ten seconds, okay?”

“OKAY!!”

And Shouto watched as his wife only tightened her death grip on his hands, curses leaving her lips left and right as she pushed with all her might. He stared over at the doctor who he knew was screaming at his stubborn wife to follow his commands, but he could hear nothing besides the roar of his heartbeat in his ears.

Shouto can’t stop himself from leaning over and pressing a kiss on your sweating forehead as you scream louder to get the baby out of you. Then, Shouto can hear a soft cry. His eyes widen as he watches the pink, white, and bloody baby being held by the doctor and all he can hear is the baby’s cries and the exhausted pants from you.

He looks down to find you slumping in the bed, your hair a complete mess, sweat drenching your body, and tears falling down your face.

“Shoucchan,” You murmur, and immediately Shouto is attending to you, wiping off the sweat, fluffing your pillow and kissing you a million times as both your shaking hands hold each other. “Baby, you’re crying.” You inform him with a weak but incredibly affectionate smile.

Shouto wipes away the tears that fall down his face, only to find himself crying, even more. The nurse eventually brings your guys’ small baby boy over to the two of you and gently handed him to you, and you cradle your baby close to your body. “Hi Kaito,” You coo at the baby who was now soundlessly sleeping on your chest, “I’m your mama, and I just want you to know that even though you were a pain in my ass, I love you so much…”

Shouto snorts as you look up at him and smile, and he comes down to press another kiss on your lips. “Come here, Shoucchan,” You say handing your son over to him, and watched as your husband froze. You waited a moment and then grinned as Shouto reached for baby Kaito and you easily handed him over. You watched with tears in your eyes as Shouto gently bounced with Kaito in his arms, whispering about how much he was going to love him, and how he was going to make Kaito proud to be his son.

“I promise, Kaito, I will never ever let you or your beautiful mama get hurt, and I promise you no matter what happens, I will love you forever and always.”

this made me really soft and kinda was like “maybe pregnancy isn’t that bad???” anywho, hope you enjoyed and have a good rest of your day!!!!!

bonus!

The entire old Class 1-A shuffled through the hallways of the hospital, each claiming to see a different patient so that they could all visit your room.

“Okay, just in case you bozo’s don’t know how to behave around babies, do not scream when we walk in. They are shits to be put to bed, and if you wake up y/n-chan’s sleeping baby, I will end you!” Mina threatens as she eyes down the… louder members of the class. “Second of all, it’s a baby, so don’t talk to it expecting answers, and most importantly, do not. I repeat, do NOT, throw the baby around like it’s some game!”

She gave an obviously pointed glare at Kaminari.

“I’m so excited!” Momo squeals right before they open the door, and with numerous amounts of presents and balloons on hand, nineteen Pro-Heroes entered the room and froze. The sight in front of them making them speechless. Shouto was laying on the bed with you, his arm behind you giving you comfort, and the baby laying on your chest asleep. For the matter at hand, all three of you were asleep without a care in the world.

Some members of the party had to bite down on their hands to keep them from screaming.

Later that night when Shouto woke up for a few minutes and checked his phone for any messages, he then saw a picture of the three of them asleep on the hospital bed on the group chat, with a caption:

‘What a beautiful family, can’t wait for more pictures! Welcome to the family Todoroki Kaito! We love you!’

#todoroki shoto x reader #todoroki shouto #todoroki x reader #bnha todoroki #bnha #bnha writing blog #bnha x reader #mha x reader #mha #todoroki shoto imagine #mha todoroki #todoroki scenario #todoroki fluff

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sortavibing · 3 years

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Hello, I seen your Haikyuu matchups and I really like them, do you mind if I ask for a match up as well? :3

My name is Koe and I go by They/Them pronouns. I would like a male matchup please <3

My mbti is ISTP-T. I have been told that I am chill and laid back and can be borderline lazy at times... then I can do a complete 180 and be a crackhead that will not shut up and will laugh at anything that I see. I also like to scare people, like randomly jump at them from around a corner or behind them, I’ve also scared people unintentionally by just walking by them to see what they are doing :/. You’d think that my friends and families would get used to me by now but I still scare them almost every time🤠👍

This surprise most people for some reason, but I actually love to read and write🤭 for some reason people don’t believe me when I say I do🤧 I read manga a lot... and I love reading long novels that take forever to finish as well🤗 I like free writing stories, poems, random song lyrics that come to my head, and random comedy scripts that I thought up of! I like to sketch sometimes...but that’s pretty much it😐

What would I want in a partner? I never really thought of that🤔 I would like someone who I could joke around with and laugh with about the most stupidest of shit that shouldn’t even be funny😌 also maybe someone who is fine with just chilling while we vibe to some mother mother or AJR or twenty one pilots... or Jack Stauber....... Tally Hall is nice to vibe to as well.... and CaveTown.......... sorry I’m getting off track😆 OH and maybe someone who can deal with my scare attempts and my annoying ass when that 180 personality comes around 😗✌️*cough* totally didn’t say the things that my irl best friend has that I totally don’t have a crush on 🤐 *cough*

Another thing people are surprised about..... my star sign is Pisces. I have been told that I act more like a Gemini though but I can’t really change my birth date so yeah... I am Pisces🤠👍

I like horror and thriller movies, anime, and books of all kind😌 I also like psychological shows and stuff as well. I also like mashed potato’s for some reason.... and steamed carrots- like why the hell are steam carrots so good?!?! OH I also like being warm.... like really warm☺️

I dislike my sister jk I love her.... sometimes. In all seriousness though, I dislike bright lights, the teacher explaining something for the millionth time, when people drag me into their drama or shit when I very VERY clearly don’t want to be apart of it😤 being cold- like I swear to god that these last couple of months I’ve been nothing but an ICE CUBE... AND I HATE IT😢

Okie time for who I kin😋 I kin.... Iwaizumi and Tendou🥳 I told my friends this and they agreed with me almost instantly... is that something to be proud of? 😂

Some fun facts about me is that I can play the guitar, trumpet, and alto saxophone! I also need music to fall asleep to(I just listen to the radio at night 😆), sometimes I can be like completely deaf and other times I have like super human hearing and will pick up the tiniest of sounds😒

OKAY- I’m about 5’6 with short black somewhat wavy hair that actually covers my eyes if I don’t do something with it... aka I’m blind like 24/7🙂 I also neon yellow streaks in it which has earned me the nickname as pretty bee😋 I get called horny hornet too but we don’t talk about that😋✌️. I have dark brown eyes (it’s kinda hard to see my pupils if you don’t look for them😗) I also wear dark blue glasses but what’s the point of them since my hair already like blinds me jk I need them otherwise I’ll probably run into an open door😣 I also wear a toque with a grey Pom Pom thingy on it whenever I can which also helps keep my hair from my face😃, I also wear a hat in the summer but it’s not summer right now😙. As for clothing, I wear mostly baggy hoodies and pants because they are comfortable and WARM, that’s a big one for me😌 they also kinda match my style so there😋 LASTLY I have snake bite lip piercing that are balls and are a metallic blue colour 🙃 I also have a fair share of ear piercings but I don’t feel like writing them all down

Alright- I think that’s it!😋 sorry if I got off topic a bit... also sorry that it’s a big long... and a bit all over the place🤧

Anyways, I hope that you have a good day/night Hero! <333💕

hi koe! omg- you are the non-binary bitch i aspire to be ack- i really want to get another piercing, i’m thinking septum or industrial bar. anyways, here’s your matchup!

i match you up with semi!

what first drew semi to you was your passion for music and also your immaculate taste in bands. when he heard you humming something by cavetown, he immediately wanted to get to know you better, so he could actually talk to someone that shares the same taste as him (goshki probably listens to eye of the tiger, please save semi-), and you guys quickly became friends.

he really wanted to get a piercing, and you were the person who convinced him to do it, so you guys went to the place where you got your pierced, and he got a helix piercing that he connected to the basic frontal lobe piercing with a chain earring, and it looks so good. please convince him to get more because we stan alt semi :)

semi will always give you his hoodies, because he knows that you hate being cold, and love oversized things. you always say that you are going to give them back, but you never do, because they are really soft and they smell really good. he pretends that he’s mad at you for stealing them, but he actually finds it really cute.

he probably let you dye his hair one time, and it actually turned out pretty well, but tendou made fun of him, so semi doesn’t want to do it again. he does like to help you dye your hair though, so every few months he touches your hair up, and he is actually pretty good at it.

you and semi like to just vibe with each other at someone’s house, and play whatever instrument you want. semi can play the guitar (electric or not), so you guys improv songs or learn to play something together. once semi wrote you a love song, and it was really sappy and cheesy, but it still was really cute.

i think semi is lowkey scared of horror movies, so if you ever want to watch one, he will agree, and while you are watching he will but his arm around your shoulder, but whenever there is a jump scare, he will unknowingly put you in a choke hold from the back because he got scared. if you ever ask if he is afraid, he will pretend not to be, but you know he is.

even though he is afraid of horror movie jump scares, he will never be scared if you do the same thing, because he knows it’s you, and to him, you could never be anything short of angelic. if you do one of those “jump scare” things, he will just laugh, or he already knew you were there because he has this scary accurate sense of where people are.

semi likes your 180 degree personality change, because he can never tell what he is going to get from you, and he likes the thrill of the surprise. for either one of your personalities, whether it is the chill side or the strung out on crack side, he likes them both equally, because one is spontaneous and crazy, while the other is sweet chill, and he likes the mix that he gets from you.

if you are talking with someone, semi likes to come behind you and wrap his arms around your waist and pick you up, because he likes to see the look of surprise on your face when you are lifted into the air. after he picks you up, he just puts you back down again and walks away like nothing happened, and you just have to get over your surprise and keep on talking.

overall, you guys are so aesthetic together, and you are always convincing semi to do more spontaneous things, while semi is just happy to be spending time with you. your jam sessions are really fun, and people are amazed that both of you are so good at playing music, especially when you guys are together.

i hope you enjoyed!

(also- imagine he/they semi😳 omg please i am passing away)

#haikyuu #haikyuu matchups #semi eita #haikyu #haikyuu!!#haikyuu headcanons #haikyu headcanons #haikyu imagines #haikyuu imagines #semi headcanons #semi imagines #semi x you

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farfromtommy · 5 years

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world’s best surprise PART 2 // dad!Tom Holland x Reader

A/N: part 2 bc lots of you asked for it. dad!tom makes me soft. hope you all enjoy reading this, I loved writing it :))))) I did not proof read/ edit it bc its 3am and I have to be up in 3 hrs and really need to sleep oops

A/N 2: THIS VERSION IS A REWRITE PLS ENJOY <3

summary: y/n goes into labor

warning: swearing, childbirth, fluff

word count: 3,330

requests are open!!!!!

masterlist

add yourself to my taglist <3

PART 1

not my gif

Everyone you talked to and everything you read always said pregnancy was the most beautiful thing that could happen. That it was magical and amazing. You felt that way after the morning sickness had subsided and you felt the “pregnancy glow” everyone talked about. But now at 36 almost 37 weeks, you were absolutely over it.

It was a Friday night and instead of going out and enjoying the last few weeks before the baby arrived, you were on the couch eating ice cream and watching tv. You put your feet up on the coffee table and rested your bowl on your stomach looking for something to watch.

You started your maternity leave when you hit 32 weeks. Nobody told you how boring it was going to be just sitting around waiting for your baby to come. Most days were spent lounging around your new house.

You and Tom had finally moved into your new house and you spent most of your day unpacking and getting the nursery ready for the baby who could make an appearance any day. You finished organizing all of his clothes and basic necessities. Although your baby would be spending time in your bedroom for a little while, you still wanted his nursery to be perfect.

You laid back, still using the top of your stomach as a table, and began watching a movie that had piqued your interest. You were about 15 minutes into it when you heard keys jingle and the lock turning. You looked over just as Tom walked in, looking beat and exhausted. He had been trying to finish the last few things he needed to do before the baby arrived so he could take time off to care for you and his newborn.

He set his things down and kicked off his shoes. He walked over to where you were sitting and as soon as he saw you, everything negative in his body seemed to melt away.

“I want to take you out somewhere. You can pick the place. I just need to take you out somewhere and show you off.” Tom smiled at you as he leaned over the back of the couch. You twisted your head to look at him and saw the wide grin he had on his face.

“Is that so? Well you’re pulling me away from my ice cream and a movie, so it better be worth it.” You smiled back. He walked around to the front of the couch to stand in front of you. He leaned down and placed a sweet kiss to your lips. He moved your ice cream bowl, and grabbed your hands to help you stand up. You moved your legs from the coffee table and placed them on the ground, allowing Tom to help you up.

You both sat there in the restaurant taking in the wonderful time you were both having. You were talking about everything and anything that came to your mind. Tom seemed fidgety and nervous towards the end of dessert. You finished your cheesecake and wiped the corner of your mouth.

You took a deep breath and leaned back in your chair, you were absolutely stuffed to the brim with the decadent meal you just had. There was honestly not that much room left in your stomach but you always managed to throw down some cheesecake. Tom took the bill and you two were heading out the door when he suggested taking a little walk to the park about a block from the restaurant.

“It’s a beautiful night, it would be a shame if we didn’t take advantage of it.” He grabbed your hand and led you towards the park. A few minutes later you made it to the park and saw a bench that overlooked the whole thing. Tom saw your gaze fall on the bench and chuckled to himself.

He sat down next to you and let one of his arms fall behind your shoulders and the other rested on your stomach. He moved it around until he felt what he was waiting for. The baby seemed to know whenever it was Tom touching your stomach and almost immediately would respond by kicking as hard as they possibly could.

“I don’t think that’s ever going to get old.” He said, looking at your bump lovingly. You rested your head on his shoulder and just watched the interaction he was having with your baby.

“Seeing how excited you get when they kick makes the tiny feet in my ribs worth it.” You said to him. He snorted and pressed a kiss to your hairline. He shifted on the bench a little, allowing you to lean into his body more. As sneakily as he could, Tom reached into the pocket of the jean jacket he was wearing and pulled out what he had been holding onto all night.

He kept it closed in his fist and moved it out in front of you. He kissed your cheek to get your attention and moved it closer to you. You turned over his fist and he opened up his fingers to reveal a diamond ring resting in his palm. A gasp left your mouth and you turned around and looked him in the eye.

“I’ve been thinking about what I want to say to you when I propose for years, probably since we got together. I never want to leave your side for as long as I’m alive. I look at you and all I can think about is the family we’re about to start and how badly I want to keep making babies with you. This is the life I’ve dreamed of having, and it’s not a dream anymore. I love you so much, Y/N. I want to marry the shit out of you. So, will you marry me?” He said in a quiet voice, his eyes darting across your face.

The only word you managed to get out was ‘Yes’ before the tears fell down your face and you wrapped your arms around Tom. You felt him sigh a breath of relief and embraced you as close as he could. You sobbed into his shoulders as he placed kisses into your neck. He pulled back and grabbed your left hand so he could slide the ring onto your finger. The second it was on he brought it to his lips and kissed your knuckles.

When you got home neither of you were ready to turn in for the night, opting to get comfortable on the couch. You and Tom were cuddled up on the couch watching some action movie when you both started to fall asleep. Tessa was sitting at the other end of the couch, loving the company.

He had you wrapped in his arms and laid between his legs with your back against his chest, your hands resting on your bump, you used his biceps as a pillow and just let your eyes close. You loved falling asleep wrapped in his arms, it’s where you felt safest.

You were woken up from your deep slumber by a sharp pain radiating from your stomach. Your doctor said it was normal to feel cramping, as your body was getting ready for birth, but this was different. It was worse than anything you had felt. Refusing to let the panic set in, you just sat there trying to calm down.

You stayed awake for a little bit, wanting to see if it happened again. You and Tom were still tangled on the couch and Tessa still asleep at your feet. You gasped quietly as you felt another sharp pain in the same spot about 10 minutes later, waking up Tessa in the process. She looked at you and started whining. You shushed her as you felt Tom stir from behind you.

“Tess shh ‘m tryin’ to sleep.” Tom mumbled from behind you and shifted a little, trying to go back to sleep. He tightened his grip on your body as he started to fall asleep.

“Tom, s-something’s wrong. I’m h-having these pains in my stomach. I haven’t felt this b-before.” You stuttered out. Tom’s eyes shot open and he saw the panic spread across your face. He helped you sit up and kneeled in front of you.

“Let’s just try and stay calm, yeah? Doctor said to get you in a tub with warm water to relax your body. Wanna try that before we call her?” He said in a low voice, trying to keep you calm. You nodded frantically before he stood up and helped you to the master bathroom.

He helped you out of your clothes and into the tub. You sat there for a while, letting the warm water wrap around your body. Tom sat there next to you, running his hand up and down your back to help you relax. He whispered words of encouragement as you gripped the sides of the tub.

After about 20 minutes in the tub you hadn’t felt any pains again. You drained the tub and with Tom’s help you started to stand up. When you were out of the tub and wrapped in your fluffy robe, you felt a huge amount of pressure in your stomach drop, and then a gush of liquid come out from between your legs. You gasped and grabbed the nearest surface to try and steady yourself. Tom looked over to you in panic and just stood there, waiting for you to say something.

“I think that was my water, we should probably go to the hospital.” You squeaked and looked up at Tom. He just stared at you with wide eyes until he processed what you had said.

You were waiting in the living room as Tom frantically ran around your house, trying to get everything you had gotten ready to take to the hospital. The carseat was installed last week, your bags were in the trunk, Tom’s mom was on her way to pick up Tessa and take her back to her house, and your doctor had been called and was going to meet you at the hospital. You were standing by the door with your hand on the wall, trying to steady yourself as your contractions started to come in.

“Tom can we PLEASE go, we need to go!” You said to him as you saw his whip down the stairs and into the living room. “Yes, love! Let’s go, I have everything.” He said as he ran to the door. He helped you into the car and made sure you were as comfortable as you could be and you made your way to the hospital in record time. You were in your hospital room getting checked by your doctor within 30 minutes of your water breaking.

The epidural was working wonders after what felt like the millionth hour of being in labor. Only at 6 centimeters dilated, you and Tom were in for a treat for the next couple of hours. He had asked if the lights could be dimmed in your room so you could try and relax as much as possible. His hands were pressing into your lower back as you laid on your side to try and release some of the tension you were holding there.

“You’re being awfully quiet, Tom. What’s going on in that head of yours?” You whispered, turning your head to look behind you.

“‘m sorry lovey. I’m feeling a bit scared and overwhelmed but this is about you and the little one, so don’t worry about me.” He spoke truthfully. You motioned for him to help you turn to your other side. He quickly stood and maneuvered your body to a new position. He sat in his chair again and you placed your hand against his cheek. He immediately leaned into your touch and shut his eyes.

“It’s okay to be scared right now, Tommy. I’m terrified, if I’m being honest. But we’re going to meet our baby today, just try and think about how excited we’ve been. Everything is going to be okay.” He smiled at your words. You always knew how to talk him down when he was feeling anxious about something.

“We’re about to become parents. How crazy is that?” You chuckled. He opened his eyes and let a grin take over his face.

“The craziest.” He whispered, moving closer to you. He planted kisses all over your face and hugged you as best

“One more push Y/N and they’ll be out!” The doctor said as you started to push again. A few seconds later you felt an immense amount of pressure shoot out of your body and as you looked down you saw your baby in the hands of your doctor. They were placed onto your bare chest as they wailed out.

You were there in disbelief as your baby was just placed onto your chest. You couldn’t believe They were here. They were being cleaned up as you just stared in wonder. Not even realizing you were crying, Tom wiped more tears off your face and planted a kiss on your forehead.

“Go ahead and check and see what it is.” A nurse said as they continued to wipe the baby down. You looked at Tom as you looked to see what gender your baby is.

“It’s a boy! Tommy, we have a son.” You cried out, tears still streaming down your face.

“He’s perfect Y/N, oh my god. Just absolutely perfect.” Tom said with amazement in his eyes. You looked at the way he admired his son and how nothing else seemed to matter anymore.

“We gotta have more Tom, we have to.” You sobbed out, running your hands along your son’s body. All the nurses and your doctor laughed at what you said. The nurse cleaning him up said it’s not the first thing mom’s say after going through labor. Tom just agreed with you and kept wiping the tears off your face.

You three were the only people in the world. It was perfect. Tom cut the umbilical cord and just watched in pure shock as the nurses did all his measurements and wrapped him in a blanket. They handed him to Tom and you could see how tense he was as they placed your son into his arms, but almost immediately relaxed.

He walked over to your bed and sat on the edge of it. You moved over as much as you could and watched your son in the arms of your fiancé. You ran your finger along his cheek and couldn’t take your eyes off of him.

“Hey mate, happy birthday.” Tom whispered when your son opened his eyes. You looked up at Tom and saw the tears forming on his lash line. Tom brought him closer to his face and placed his forehead against the baby’s. It took everything in you to not lose your shit.

“My goodness, Y/N. He is so beautiful.” Nikki whispered as she held her grandson. Dom was standing right behind her looking at the new addition.

“He looks a bit like Tom did, don’t he?” Dom asked. All Nikki could do was nod and continue staring at him. Tom had left the room to get his brothers and Harrison from the waiting room so they could have their introduction.

Tom knocked on the door lightly before pushing it open with a herd of people behind him. Harrison was the first to lay his eyes on the baby and all the air seemed to leave his body. Tom’s brothers all walked in and had the same reaction to seeing their nephew.

“Bloody hell, he looks exactly like Tom.” Sam managed to get out, moving to get a proper look at him. Nikki turned a bit to move to the center of the group of the boys. Harrison was the first to reach out to hold him. He looked up to you to make sure it was okay and after you gave him a nod, he carefully took the baby.

“I’m going to implode if you don’t tell us what his name is already.” Harry looked up at you and Tom waiting for one of you to say something. You looked over at Tom motioned for him to get on with it. He walked over to Harrison and rubbed his hand along the top of the baby’s head.

“This is Oliver Thomas Holland.” Tom announced to the room. You smiled as everyone looked over at him. Oliver began to fuss a little bit in Harrison’s arms and he started to panic, looking to Tom for help. Tom laughed at his friend not knowing what to do with the squirming baby.

“He’s probably hungry. I’ll take him, just hand me that blanket. You guys can stay in here, if you want.” You stretched your arms out and had the baby passed to you. Adjusting your hospital gown, the baby and the blanket, you managed to get Oliver eating without flashing anyone.

Everyone found a spot in the room and just started conversations with each other. Tom looked under the blanket a couple times just to admire the love of his life feeding his son. Nikki had asked about the IV in your left hand and you lifted it up to show her, forgetting about the extra piece of jewelry you had on your finger.

“Is that an engagement ring?!” She slapped her hand over her mouth, realizing she may have been a little too loud. Everyone stopped and looked at you. You sheepishly smiled and looked over at Tom.

Harry walked over to Tom and slapped a hand on his back, congratulating him. Of course he had told Sam, Harry, and Harrison that he was planning on proposing. Nikki started crying and continued looking at your ring. She hugged you as best as she could with the baby in your arms.

Adjusting to life as parents wasn’t easy. Ollie had decided against sleeping and was up every 2 hours screaming, needing attention from his parents. You wouldn’t trade it for anything, though. The middle of the night feedings and diaper changes made the time you spent with him during the day worth it.

Watching your son start to get a grasp on life and exploring this new world he was in was amazing. Most of your day was spent on the couch with your little one in your arms, or watching Tom interact with him. Tom was super excited when the labor and delivery nurses had encouraged him to continue doing skin to skin at home.

Breaking the news to Tom’s fans about the new member of your family was almost as scary as him announcing he was dating you. Tom’s instagram feed was filled with pictures of you, so the fans were very aware of your relationship. You had gone to all his premieres and were always spotted in public with him. Luckily, you managed to avoid the public finding out about your pregnancy.

Tom had agreed with you about keeping Ollie out of the public eye, not wanting his pictures being exploited. You agreed to one instagram post. Tom’s fans were so important to him, and he wanted to include them in the excitement of having a new addition.

He had Harry come over to your house to take a few pictures. The one you had approved for instagram was of you, Tom and Ollie on the couch. You held Ollie close to your chest, turning his head so it wasn’t visible. Tessa was sitting right next to you looking into the camera and Tom next to Tessa, looking over at you and Ollie.

Harry had found a shirt for Tessa online that said ‘World’s Best Big Sister’ and decided it was very appropriate for the occasion. Tom posted the photo to his instagram with the caption --

Tessa is very excited to tell the world about her baby brother. Y/N and I welcomed a baby boy into our lives a few weeks ago. We’re both so overwhelmed with love and joy and are loving this new chapter of our lives. I will be taking time off from filming to be with my son and fiancée, but you will see some more from me in the not so distant future. Thank you everyone for your love and support. #BabyHolland

---

For everyone who wanted a part 2!!!

@ohmygoditsanthonyedwardstark @crazy12cinemas @xoluvx @afictionaladventure16 @fab-notfat @tomscuddle

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callwrites · 3 years

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BENEATH THE WILLOW TREE: Chapter I

This is, at some level, a love story. But before Andromeda’s name was burned from the tapestry of her family tree, before she took Ted’s name and Ted’s ring, she was Andromeda Black; a girl caught between worlds. This is the story of how that came to be.

read on a03 @Linquist

Narcissa’s hand gripped Andromeda’s arm so tight she was sure it would leave a mark. On her other side, Bellatrix’s elbow dug into her ribs and she could vaguely hear Valerian growling lowly in distaste. But the discomfort only lasted a couple seconds before the pressure was replaced with the stifling heat of the platform.

“Merlin, I despise apparition,” gasped Narcissa, stepping away from Andromeda and the cat whose voice was slowly rising into a yowl.

“It isn’t so unpleasant when done by a wizard,” said Bellatrix stiffly, also instinctively stepping away from her sister and her distressed pet. Bellatrix’s own dark gray owl, Wenlock, eyed them all judgmentally; displeased but without a feather out of place. “Thank you, Winny,” she added as an afterthought.

“Yes, thank you, Winny,” agreed Andromeda, offering a small smile to the little house elf who had been holding Bellatrix’s other hand.

Winny lit up at the praise, which did little to improve her features. The ancient house elf was more wrinkle than elf at this point, bent in on herself and leaning on an old chair leg that had been fashioned into a cane.

“Of course, mistresses,” squeaked the elf. “Winny hopes you have a wonderful year at school.”

“Narcissa, thank Winny.” Andromeda frowned at their youngest sister, but Narcissa was already tugging at the robe of her sleeve.

“Oh, please, Meda, can I please come to the prefects compartment?” She begged for possibly the millionth time that day. “I’ll be completely quiet, I won’t say a word.”

With a crack, Winny disapparated back to the estate; causing a fourth year nearby to almost jump out of their skin.

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” said Andromeda with an unlady-like snort. “And Bellatrix already told you no. I know you just want to get a peep at Lucius.”

At this, Narcissa flushed bright red. “I-”

“And if Lucius ever took a real look at you, I’d skin him,” threatened Andromeda.

“She could do worse.” Bellatrix pointed out, fingering the lock on Wenlock’s cage.

“When she’s a third year, I’m not sure she could,” said Andromeda with the sigh of someone who had said this many, many times.

“I’m turning 14 in two months,” complained Narcissa.

“And if you like your boyfriend with his skin attached you won’t try flirting with him,” Andromeda replied in a sing-song voice. “Then I’d be out of a prefect partner.”

Narcissa scowled, but had to stifle her smile when Andromeda pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“Now go, I can see Alecto and Amycus trying to wave you down. Poor Amycus’s heart would break clean in two if he knew who you really pined for.”

If possible, Narcissa flushed a deeper red. But a few train cars down, Alecto was waving for her friend and Narcissa reluctantly scampered off to join them.

“You’re too hard on her,” drawled Bellatrix. “You know Mum’s been encouraging her little crush all summer.”

“She’s too young, Bella,” sighed Andromeda. “Let her have silly crushes on boys her own age before you try to marry her off.”

The sisters made their way onto the train, Bellatrix waving her wand so their trunks and carriers lifted themselves up the steps and floated in front of them. “You know Mum will be depending on you to make sure she keeps the right company next year,” reminded Bellatrix for the thousandth time. “She won’t be happy to hear you chasing off appropriate suitors.”

“I know, Bella,” said Andromeda patiently. “But it isn’t like I chased her into a compartment of Gryffindors to talk about muggle studies. She’s with the Carrows.”

Bellatrix reached the prefect’s compartment first, which already contained several familiar faces. Narcissa’s beau in question sat by the window, conversing quietly with Evan Rosier, the 6th year prefect. Opposite, two Hufflepuff prefects and a Ravenclaw were talking in low voices. The Ravenclaw in particular cast a cold and appraising glance over at Bellatrix and Andromeda. She snorted, seeming to not like what she saw, and turned back to the Hufflepuff boy.

But standing in the center of the compartment was someone very familiar to them indeed, checking something off a sheet of parchment with an eagle feather quill.

“Rodolphus,” nodded Bellatrix.

“Bella,” he nodded back, then smiled slightly. “Andie.”

“Rod.” She smiled. “Settling into autocracy already?”

“It’s a natural gift,” said Rodolphus sagely, then glanced at Bellatrix who looked impatient. “After you two we’re just missing the Gryffindors and a couple of the Ravenclaws. We should be able to get started soon.”

Bellatrix sighed, waving their suitcases up over the seats. “Leave it to the Gryffindors.”

Andromeda took hold of Wenlock’s cage and Valerian’s carrier. She carefully stowed Wenlock off to the side of the compartment with some of the other owls, but kept Valerian at her feet. The cat had finally settled down after the traumatic apparition, but Valerian always was a nervous traveler.

While they waited, Rodolphus sat down beside her and nudged her side. She smiled at him and received one in return, causing the shadows under his eyes to soften. He was far more handsome when he smiled, though in fairness he never looked bad. His dark hair somehow always looked soft and perfectly smooth. His features had grown more defined over the summer, she realized; his jaw sharper, his cheekbones more pronounced. Normally she never noticed the minute changes that happened over time. She saw him too often. But this summer, she’d only had a couple weeks with him at their family estates in France. He’d even lost the last of the tan he had gained from their walks on the coast. But his eyes were the same: hazel and kind whenever they settled on her.

Across the compartment, Bellatrix raised an eyebrow at her and mouthed the words ‘too young’.

Andromeda rolled her eyes. This was different. Narcissa was only thirteen and Andromeda hardly believed she was in love with Rodolphus. He was her friend, her person. He had been so since they were children when she would follow him through their families’ formal parties, clutching at the back of his robes. Sure, they both knew where it was going; precisely where their parents had encouraged it to go practically since birth. But Andromeda counted herself lucky.

Her future was known, secure with a man who knew her well and treated her kindly. She shuddered to imagine being in Bellatrix’s shoes, knowing her distaste for the ‘afternoon teas’ she had been forced to sit through all summer as parade after parade of mothers and their sons visited the manor.

The last two prefects arrived, rowdy Gryffindors who were playfully shoving each other as they walked in. They settled with only a hard stare from Bellatrix, a skill which Andromeda had always envied.

Rodolphus cleared his throat. “Good morning, prefects. Welcome back. I am Rodolphus Lestrange, I’ll be your Head Boy for this year.”

“Bellatrix Black,” Bellatrix put in, glancing around dismissively at the gathered prefects. “Head Girl.”

Rodolphus launched into a basic explanation of prefect duties and Andromeda allowed her mind to wander as Bellatrix took over the explanation on patrols and how they would get their schedules. She knew the duties well enough, both in following Bellatrix around on enough patrols and from her mother’s instructions. Prefect wasn’t an extracurricular option for the Black girls. If there was a measurement of excellence, they would achieve it.

Outside the train window, they had finally left the urban setting of London behind. Her thoughts were already flying ahead to Hogwarts, causing butterflies to erupt in her stomach. Perhaps butterflies was not the right word. These felt much heavier and nauseating than butterflies; slugs perhaps. Fifth year was the start of O.W.L.s. Another measurement where nothing less than perfection would be tolerated. The thought alone had Andromeda wringing her hands in her lap.

Bellatrix was wrapping up her explanation of patrol schedules and Rodolphus tapped twice on her knee. She tapped back. It had been their ritual since they were children, not allowed to speak out of turn. Tapping first was a question. Tapping twice back meant ‘I’m okay’.

But apparently Rodolphus was also making sure she was listening, because he didn’t then wrap up the meeting to let them patrol the train or return to their compartments.

“Dumbledore asked me to address a couple things,” said Rodolphus, clearing his throat. “After the events of this summer, he wants everyone to feel assured we are taking student safety seriously.”

“Oh, I bet you care about every student’s safety, Lestrange.” The surly Ravenclaw from earlier snorted.

“Something to add, Meadowes?” Rodolphus asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Nothing at all,” she said and crossed her arms.

“For that reason, there will be a few changes this year.” Rodolphus went on as if he hadn’t been interrupted. “Patrols will be done in pairs, no exceptions. If you need to reschedule, you will have to trade patrol partners with someone. If you have a conflict, you’ll need to let Bellatrix or I know a week in advance.”

“That’s unreasonable!” Cried a Gryffindor. “We have quidditch practice and assignments!”

“You’re a prefect,” Rodolphus said coldly. “At this point, you are expected to know how to balance your responsibilities.”

“Prefects will also be required to patrol during Hogsmeade.” added Bellatrix, seeming displeased with the safety measures. “We’ll sort out a schedule once we are notified of this year’s Hogsmeade weekends. There will also be a curfew of 9pm. Students will need to check in with a prefect when they return to the common room at night to ensure everyone is accounted for.”

“Professors are able to give permission slips for studying or detentions,” said Rodolphus. “But they will need to be given a day in advance. 7th year prefects will be given a list of their house after the sorting and will be in charge of their students this evening, but we will be sending out a schedule sometime tomorrow.”

“Isn’t this a lot to ask of prefects?” Abigail Clearwater, the 6th year Slytherin prefect, asked with uncertainty.

“I'm certainly glad.” A Hufflepuff girl said nervously. “One of the girls in my dorm was at Diagon during the attack this summer.”

The Hufflepuff next to her patted her hand comfortingly, but Bellatrix went on as if she hadn’t spoken.

“If anyone doesn’t feel up to the task,” she frowned, “they may turn in their badge with either Lestrange or myself. It hardly seems to me like the Headmaster has picked the best this year,” said her sister derisively, finally looking at the two Hufflepuffs. Andromeda was pretty sure they were both muggleborns and the girl flinched under Bellatrix’s cold stare.

“That will be all then,” Rodolphus finished with a clap of his hands. “Collect your schedules and you are free to go. It will include your patrols for the train ride.”

Bellatrix had the schedules for the girls, so Andromeda held back while the other prefects flocked around the head boy and girl. When all the others had collected theirs and departed, only Bellatrix, Rodolphus, Andromeda, and Lucius were left in the compartment.

Bellatrix tossed the last schedule at Andromeda and collapsed onto the seat opposite her.

“I still can’t believe we have to go so far out our way for the safety of a bunch of mudbloods and blood traitors,” Lucius Malfoy grumbled.

“It wasn’t only muggleborns at Diagon Alley this summer,” Andromeda pointed out. “Azalia Greengrass was in St. Mungo’s for three days after the attack.”

“But Hogwarts is not Diagon Alley,” argued Lucius, lip curling. “And certainly no one is going to be attacking one of us here.”

“Merlin only knows with Dumbledore,” sighed Bellatrix. “He allowed three mudbloods to become prefect this year.”

“It will be good for us to maintain appearances,” Rodolphus frowned. “Discretion will be wise given recent events.”

The other three exchanged a look and, not for the first time, Andromeda felt like she was out of place among them. They had always spent so much time together, both before and at Hogwarts. During breaks they had practically been inseparable. But this past summer, she had hardly seen Lucius and Rodolphus. Even Bellatrix had rarely stayed at their summer estate for long. It had begun to feel like they were all part of a club to which she didn’t belong, which she knew wasn’t far from the truth.

“I’m going to go find Camelia and Alder,” she mumbled, taking hold of Valerian’s carrier and shuffling to her feet. “I’ll see you all at the feast.”

“Hold on a second, Andromeda,” called Rodolphus. “I’ll come with you, I have my patrol anyways.”

Her heart was still sinking somewhat, even as he got to his feet to follow her into the corridor. But she kept her expression even as he slid the door closed behind them and placed a hand on her back.

“Haven’t gotten to see you in weeks,” he said as they walked and it sounded apologetic. “I’m sorry for how chaotic things have been.”

“I understand,” Andromeda said with a small smile. “I know your father has you readying for the estate.”

He flushed slightly, rubbing the back of his neck. He often seemed uncomfortable whenever the subject of his duties came up and it only had seemed to grow worse in recent months. “Yes, well, I’d much rather have spent the summer with you . The rest of the summer was … uneventful?” He asked and it was Andromeda’s turn to flush.

“Yes,” she said, a little harsher then she intended. “I mean … I mostly just spent it on the estate,” she said more quietly. “I learned a few new pieces on the piano.”

“I didn’t mean … I just….” he broke off, flushing again. “Well, I’d love to hear them sometime.”

“Sounds like a date,” smiled Andromeda as she spotted Camelia and Alder in the compartment next to them, already drowning in sweets. She leaned up on her toes and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I’ll see you at the feast?”

“It’s a date,” he repeated with a strained smile and let his hand fall away as she slipped into the compartment and closed the door behind her.

“Your beau let you go?” Camelia asked with a raised eyebrow as Andromeda let Valerian out in the much calmer compartment. The fluffy white cat purred as she stretched and nosed around for Alder’s familiar offered hand.

“He’s not my beau,” Andromeda said airily, but she was smiling. “And he didn’t ‘let’ me do anything. I was on my way and he walked with me.”

“I don’t know how you like him,” Alder shuddered. “He gives me the creeps.”

“How was your summer?” Andromeda asked, ignoring his comment. “Did you get my gifts?”

“Nearly had to face my little sisters in hand to hand combat for the last of the macarons,” joked Camelia. “But nothing exciting. Mum wanted me to start looking at internships, but I persuaded her that it wouldn’t make sense until I had my O.W.L.s.”

“It’s been miserable since I wrote,” Alder said glumly. “You remember my cousin Molly?” The two girls nodded, remembering the red-haired girl who had graduated last year. The two never spoke, hardly acknowledging each other. “She eloped with that Weasley bloke and Mum has been wailing ever since. I mean it was hardly any secret that that side of the family were blood traitors, so I don’t know why she is making such a big deal of it now. You’d think Molly’d broken off an engagement to Salazar Slytherin and eloped with a muggle the way she’s carrying on.”

“I can’t imagine what Aunt Walburga would do if I’d done the same,” Andromeda joked weakly and both of her friends winced.

Valerian was pawing at the seat beside her, so Andromeda swept aside Bertie Bott’s containers and pumpkin pasty wrappers to make room for the cat. Feeling Andromeda pat the empty space, she dutifully hopped up, circled a few times, and then curled up purring.

Andromeda remembered Molly from the few encounters they’d had. She hadn’t seemed too bad, if a bit strange - especially her interest in that odd Arthur Weasley fellow. But Bellatrix had hated her and frequently returned from prefect meetings raging that Dumbledore had allowed two of the biggest blood traitors at Hogwarts to be prefect. While Andromeda understood to keep her distance, she had never quite grasped what had been so particularly offensive to her sister.

But Andromeda’s words left a moment of discomfort in the compartment. Both friends understood that any pressures from their families had nothing on what it meant to be a Black. Druella had been displeased with even Andromeda’s choice of friends - despite them both being Sacred Twenty-Eight. But they were Ravenclaws and not of the same ‘class’ as the Blacks, Lestranges, and Malfoys. Andromeda was sure it was only Bellatrix’s assurances of Andromeda’s otherwise spotless behavior that kept her parents from cutting off the friendships.

“Ah, well, why would you elope when you’re likely to get drowned in galleons for your wedding,” Camelia teased, perhaps a little too late to feel totally natural. “Is it a Lestrange honeymoon tradition to shower your new spouse in jewels, or do you think that will just be because you're you?”

“Shut up,” Andromeda said with a roll of her eyes, but she was smiling.

They settled into a more relaxed conversation about how they had spent the couple weeks since their last letters, before focusing on the sweets that still had yet to be tackled. Andromeda’s turn for prefect rounds finally came in the last hour of the train ride, so she left Valerian in the care of her friends - who were crinkling up wrappers and tossing them for the blind cat to hear and give chase.

The train corridor was darker now, the yellow lights flickering as the shadowy silhouettes of the Scottish mountainside flashed past. Dusk had settled too much for Andromeda to make out details as she walked farther down the train. She periodically glanced into compartments, occasionally waving to familiar faces, and once breaking up a fight between two second years with a threat of telling McGonagall once they arrived. After so many hours on the train, most had settled, already changed into their robes, and were unlikely to wander far. Her patrol was uneventful, therefore, and her evening quiet.

She made it to the back of the train, alerted two seventh years that the loo was not the most subtle of places to snog, and began the process of wandering back towards the front. She’d have to make a write up of her patrol, but both the second years and the seventh years had cleared out and calmed down without any trouble. She didn’t feel the need to report them to lose house points when they hadn’t even arrived yet. A first year nervously tugged at her robes and asked where they would need to go when they arrived, but once she had sent them back to their compartment with answers and a chocolate frog, nothing much else occurred.

Most of her hour patrolling was up when she finally reached the front of the train. She was considering making for the trolley and fetching a glass of pumpkin juice when she realized the door to the prefect compartment was slightly ajar and familiar, frustrated voices were drifting out.

“-know Cissy and Meda aren’t fighters,” Bellatrix snapped. “It is okay, since it is clear they’re both going to make good matches, but you know it is even more important that he does not doubt her loyalty.”

“I understand that!” Rodolphus answered sharply. “He has no reason to. Unless you’re suggesting something?”

“Don’t start that with me!” She hissed and Andromeda pressed herself against the wall between the prefect compartment and the end of the train car. It sounded like they were the only two left in there. “Andromeda has always kept herself in line. But that doesn’t explain why he expressed his concern for my sister’s loyalties. He certainly didn’t mean Narcissa. She’s a child.”

Andromeda’s heartrate picked up. She had a good idea of who Bellatrix and Rodolphus were talking about. Their father had sung his praises enough times over the dinner table. Until this summer, Andromeda hadn’t even truly thought he was real. She had thought him just a rumor that people like Cygnus and Druella Black wanted to believe in. But then her sister and Rodolphus turned 17 that summer. Pollux Rodolphus had brought them both to a ‘meeting’ and that was when things had really begun to change.

Summers before had always been spent with each other, their summer estates close enough that their families were always together. If it wasn’t all of them, it was Rodolphus and Andromeda. But that summer they both disappeared for weeks at a time. Rod would return looking exhausted, Bella almost manic . But why would he be saying anything to Bella about her ? Unless Rod had told him … but he wouldn’t. He promised.

“There’s nothing he would have to be concerned about,” Rodolphus said firmly, but Andromeda didn’t think it sounded convincing. “And you know our families are just waiting until I’ve graduated to make the formal announcement. Once we’re married, he’ll welcome her.” He said this with more confidence.

At these words, Andromeda shivered. She was not sure she wanted to be welcomed by him, regardless of how her father seemed to like his ideas. The reverent way her relatives spoke of him, like he was some kind of deity frightened Andromeda. She was perfectly content keeping her distance. Even Bellatrix’s involvement seemed too close.

“You had better convince him,” Bellatrix threatened, but she too sounded afraid. “I am not losing my sister, Rodolphus.”

“You won’t,” he promised fervently. “I’ll take care of her, I always have.”

Andromeda softened slightly. Then someone cleared their throat on the other side of the prefect cart door - causing Andromeda to jump and something to knock over within the prefect cart.

The sour-looking Ravenclaw prefect, the one Rodolphus called Meadowes, stood watching her from where she had emerged from the front of the train. She raised an eyebrow as she took a slow lick on the blood-red lollipop in her hand. Andromeda froze where she stood, having clearly been eavesdropping.

Meadowes was a small thing - almost a foot shorter than Andromeda, who wasn’t that tall to begin with. But the tight coils of her hair added several inches and her attitude made Andromeda feel strangely small; irritating her somewhat. She raised her chin defiantly, waiting for Meadowes to oust her. They stared off for a moment, until the Ravenclaw girl snorted and banged open the sliding doors to thrust a fairly crumpled report into Rodolphus’s hands.

“Here you are, Head Boy,” she drawled as Andromeda walked in casually behind her. “Caught that rat brother of yours trying to turn a first year’s scarf into a snake. Have fun with that one.”

She turned on her heel and bumped into Andromeda, taking on a look of theatrical surprise that only Andromeda could see. “Oh, didn’t see you there,” smirked Meadowes as walked past.

#hp fic #hp #harry potter fanfiction #tedromeda #tedromeda fic #my fics #beneath the willow tree

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chelsfic · 4 years

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Chapter 6/18 - Safety - Bucky Barnes x OC Soulmate AU

Masterlist

Summary: Soulmate AU! Bucky/OC. Our soulmarks appear at the moment of our soulmate’s birth. The Asset’s mark appears in the Spring of 1987. The words imprinted into the skin of his forearm. “Please! Don’t hurt me…”

A/N: I wrote this fic over the course of 2017-2018 and it was originally published on AO3. Recently, I decided to do some light revisions in order to fix inconsistencies in the POV, some awkward diction and typos. Please note–I’m aware that a lot of people love this fic just as it is. This is not a rewrite, I won’t be changing major plot points and I’m purposely leaving most of the writing alone. Just sprucing it up. Since I wrote this before I started posting fic to Tumblr, I decided to take the opportunity of posting the revised chapters here as I edit them. If you got to the end of this A/N: thank you!!!

Warnings: Kidnapping, Angst, Violence, Eventual happy ending

---

The windows of the (clearly stolen) SUV were tinted almost totally black. There was no hope that anyone in a passing car would be able to discern Sophie through the window--so that avenue of seeking help was cut off. Even if she was daring enough to attempt a tuck and roll in the middle of a highway she couldn’t. He’d tied her wrists together with a nylon cord and roped them to the headrest in front of her. This not only impeded her from unbuckling her seat belt and opening the door, it also meant that she couldn’t lean back in her seat or lower her arms. So this was her state: arms numb and tingling, head aching from all the crying she’d done, body sore from her brief but intense struggle with the man, and the muscles of her lower back forming into one giant knot.

And she had to pee.

Awesome.

She squirmed in her seat for the millionth time in a vain attempt to seek comfort in an alternate position. She hadn’t spoken since he’d loaded her into the car almost an hour before, but she couldn’t take it anymore. She wiggled her hands through the gap at the bottom of the headrest so her fingers could nudge the back of his neck. Even now, she felt the tingle ripple through their soul bond when she touched his skin. This is so messed up.

“Hey, um, you. Man, I wish I knew your name... Maybe we could pick one?” he continued to glower stormily ahead, ignoring her chatter. His silence, like everything else about him, unnerved Sophie. “C-can we please stop soon? I have to use the bathroom.”

Maybe politeness was the way to go. If she couldn’t escape she was going to have to change his mind about whatever mission he was so hell bent on completing. She knew that he felt guilty about putting her through all this, she could feel it. So, he was conflicted but he didn’t think he could disobey orders from whoever was controlling him. Maybe she could work with this. They had a soulbond after all...she could really lay it on him and go for the guilt factor.

“Please! I’m hungry too. I haven’t eaten since yesterday morning.”

There it was. She felt the flair of guilt radiate through their bond. And something else. He was irritated with himself. Had he seriously forgotten about food?

“You have to feed me, you know. That’s, like, the care and keeping of soulmates 101. Food. And, you know, being nice to each other…”

He sighed quietly. “There’s a rest stop a few miles ahead. Will you make it?”

“Yes!” she squeaked hopefully. She returned to her quest for a more comfortable position, but left her fingers where they were, gently brushing the back of his neck. He hadn’t told her to move them after all. And even after all of this, physical contact with her soulmate felt...comforting.

---

The soldier had never considered what it would be like when he met his soulmate. He’d never had much time to consider anything outside his missions. He had the vaguest memory of the day they first discovered the mark. He’d felt...hope? It was the smallest spark but it was there, a seed planted within him all those years ago. Now she was here. But everything was wrong. He tried to think back to what he knew of soulmates and bonds. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be, was it? She wasn’t meant to be another mission. She was different, special. He felt the strong desire to protect her and keep her safe. He longed to hold her close to him but the exigencies of the last twelve hours had not allowed it. And now he had her tied up in the back of a stolen vehicle on their way to a Hydra conditioning center. This was all wrong.

When she said she was hungry he hated himself for not thinking of it last night. He’d taken her from her home when she was clearly already exhausted, driven her out of the city against her will, yelled at her, demeaned her, been physical with her and handcuffed her to a bed. And he’d neglected to consider her most basic human needs.

They pulled into the parking lot of a busy highway rest stop. He parked the vehicle and turned in his seat, looking at her with hesitation clearly written on his face. She seemed to read his expression. Or maybe she felt it through their bond. He could certainly feel her. She sent him a wave of comforting assurance.

“I...I won’t try to get away or anything. You don’t have to worry about that.”

She looked profoundly sad having to say those words. And the soldier felt another stab of self hatred that he had made her feel that he was someone to be escaped. He gave a single nod, took out his dagger and sliced through the cord connecting her wrists to the head rest. She nearly moaned in relief as her aching arms finally fell downward. He reached around the seat and gently unwound the cable from her wrists, wincing as the reddened skin beneath was revealed. He took a moment to rub up and down her arms, stimulating blood flow. The act of touching her seemed to fire his nervous system and the strange, invisible bond between them thrummed inside his chest. He tried to ignore the sensation. The girl sat there, eyes wide as saucers, staring at him.

He felt awkward as he spoke, “We’ll go inside and get something to eat.”

She gave him the smallest most pitiful smile and it quickly fell from her lips. But still, it touched the cold depths of his heart.

***

Inside the lobby of the rest stop, Sophie stood awkwardly at the man’s side. It was designed sort of like a mall food court with a few different food stalls lining the wall, a convenience store in one corner and a large bathroom entrance tucked into another corner. She shifted back and forth on her feet a little. He noticed her discomfort and immediately stalked toward the restrooms, his hand gently grasping her elbow.

“I’ll wait right here,” he said, indicating the spot immediately outside the ladies room. She nodded and went inside. She could still feel the tumult of his emotions riding through the soulbond. It pained her to feel her soulmate so conflicted. But the pain was justified, after all. This was not how it was supposed to be. She shuffled into the ladies room and made her way to the nearest stall. The bathroom was huge and she didn’t have to wait, thank God.

When she was finished she stood at a long bank of sinks rinsing her hands and staring at herself in the mirror. She looked...not good. She stood there for several minutes, allowing the never-quite-warm-enough water of the tap to run over her hands as she stared ahead. Her mind was blank, as if it’d had enough frantic thinking for one day and had given up. She nearly screamed when a redhead, slightly taller than herself slid up behind her and spoke into her ear.

“Sophie, follow me quietly we’re leaving here. I’m taking you someplace safe, understand?”

She locked eyes with the woman in the mirror, clearly weighing her options. Sophie had no idea what she was caught up in and didn’t know for sure that she’d be able to differentiate between help or danger. But something in the woman’s crystalline green eyes conveyed her sincerity and she silently nodded, following her into a supply closet at the back of the bathroom she hadn’t even noticed. As they entered she realized it wasn’t a closet at all, but a service corridor with an exit to the outside. The woman slunk ahead of her, cracked the exit door open and motioned to someone outside. Before she knew what was happening the woman was gone and she was being ushered into yet another nondescript vehicle by a couple of stoic looking men in dark suits. They shut the door behind her and she was alone. The A/C in the car blasted and she shivered against the cool leather upholstery.

About half a minute after they’d stuck her in the car she heard distant shouts and pops like fireworks...or guns. Then she felt the sickening tug on her soulbond. He was in pain, and panicked. She sensed his worry for her and his fear and confusion. She threw open the car door and burst forward, fully intending to find him and make sure he was okay. The men in suits immediately grabbed her and refused to allow her to leave.

“Let me go, please!” she shouted. “He needs me! He’s hurt!”

“Calm down, miss. Barnes will be just fine. Orders are to capture not kill.” She realized this dumb dumb had meant to comfort her, but the words capture and kill weren’t really doing it.

She growled furiously and struggled against them but they wouldn’t budge. She could still feel the man’s fear pulsing into her. In desperation she tried to comfort him, sending him waves of affection and peace. But if they got through to him she couldn’t tell.

She heard a tinny voice coming over a radio, “Suspect in custody. Is Ms. Reynolds accounted for?”

One of the men pulled a walkie talkie from his hip and responded, “We have her, Sir.”

“Alright, everyone proceed to SHIELD HQ, we’ll be right behind you.”

Sophie didn’t have time to consider what was happening as the men herded her back into the freezing cold car. She could only ponder the sudden quiet that had come over her bond mate.

tagged: @watsonwise

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x oc #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes soulmate au #winter soldier #winter soldier x oc #chelsfic

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three-eyed-doe · 7 years

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what's new pussycat is to that diner as sympathy for the devil is to my moms radio

#sure it's a good song #but after the millionth time since basically your birth?#HOW DO YOU NOT GET TIRED OF IT #please allow me to introduce myself im a man of wealth and taste #PLEASED TO MEET YOU WONT YOU GUESS MY NAME #those are the only lyrics i can understand besides from LuCiFeR #my post

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little-dragon-stories · 5 years

Text

From Broadway to Seoul part 5

Jimin is a shy mochi while you have a past to ovecome.

A/N Jiminie... The soft Jimin is working is magic in that part.

Please forgive the mistakes I am making, even thought I spent a lot of time to correct.

Warning: angst, mention of death (miscarriage). It’s a sad part but also, a lot of tight hugs from a very soft mochi.

W/C: 2141

When you enter Jimin’s room, you have no other intentions rather than excuse yourself for your rudeness in the afternoon and go back to sleep in your own room. It’s been a long day and you are exhausted. "I see you are eating, I am sorry to interrupt", you say as you are coming in his room. "It's not a big deal noona. Would you like to join me, there is enough food for the two of us", he asked, full of expectations. "No, thanks, I will just tell you what I came here for and go"

You could see the disappointment in his face. Here you are, hurting his feelings again.

"Jimin, I am sorry, I have already eat. Why can't I talk to you properly?" "At least, have a seat, maybe?" He sits in the chair in front of the one he offers you and doing so, you can see his training shorts rising, revealing his well drawn thighs. It becomes hard to look and think of something else than those perfect thighs but you regain self-control and look at him in the eyes before saying:

"Jimin, the reason why I was so rude today is because I don’t want you to be so nice, I don’t deserve it... The attention you were giving me melted my heart and as the good listener you are, I was sure you would have overcome my barriers and makes me talk and I was scare of saying too much. I didn’t want to reject you, I was scare that you could reject me if you knew... I just don’t want to tell you either a lie nor the truth… I could never lie to you... I would never support the fact that you know that I am a bad mother and person and...Oh! My! God! Jimin, why am I crying again?» As you speak, you speech is faster and the tears begin to flow. You are panicking at the idea of him seeing you like that again. Jimin takes your hands and leans toward you as the chairs are close to each other.

"Hey, look at me y/n, please look at me". And you did. You did look at him and his concerned and beautiful, soft eyes. "I don't know what you think you did wrong, why don't you trust me and let me judge for myself. To talk about his problems is the best way to overcome them but you probably know that already". It’s at this very moment that your barriers collapsed, that your defenses failed. You know at this point that there will never be anything possible with that man or anyone else if you are not able to face yourself, face what you did and face the truth. Even though the truth is ugly... "Jimin.... I....»

His soft eyes gives you confidence and gathering your courage you say in one voice: "I was pregnant..... I was 15 weeks pregnant and even thought we were happy, it was a surprise. A big surprise actually. But we tried to manage everything for the best. It was getting obvious that we were not so in love with each other as long as the relationship went on. But we were both trying our best for the baby to come. I was still singing since I didn’t gain so much weight and with some costumes adjustments, I was still able to perform. The pregnancy was going perfectly well and the baby was healthy. But one day..." your voice cracked at that very moment. Jimin knows at that point where the story is going, so he can’t help but gently put his hands on your laps as he kneels down in front of you. "He did not want me to continue my career, he wanted me to stop singing. But I decided I could do both, be a mom and a singer, I wouldn’t have been the first one after all and as I said, the pregnancy was doing perfectly fine». You are trying to push the moment when he will know the truth. But you have to say it…. you need to tell him everything.

«One day, I was all dressed up, the music intro had just begun to play and we could hear the audience cheering as the curtains opened. All day long, I was feeling pain in the stomach but nothing serious, more like a normal period pain. I will always remember, it was after 1min12 of the intro that I felt a sharp pain in the stomach and a warm liquid between my legs. I knew something was wrong. I knew it Jimin, I knew I’d lost my baby... I lifted up my dress and could see, it was blood coming out of me. The pain was barely tolerable and I started asking myself if I was able to perform... that is when I took the worst decision ever and I will never forgive myself. I had to think very fast, my entrance on the stage was at exactly 2min08... I adjusted my skirt and I concentrated myself for the performance to come, and doing so, I took the worst decision ever… I choose my career over my baby". And then you burst into tears. For the millionth time since that day, you are crying, Jimin never letting go of you, you cry and let that pain coming out of your chest. For the first time ever you are capable to speak about that night, that damned night that has change your destiny forever. You never thought that you would ever be able to speak about it to anybody, even less to Jimin. You are so scare of his reaction. What will he thinks about you from now on?

As you are calming down, Jimin takes your hand and guides you to the bed so you can both sit down more comfortably against the pillow. "Are you still with the father?" He ask softly. "Of course not, he was so mad at me, he blamed me.... he told me I was the worst person in the world and that he could never forgive and forget what I have done to his baby". Jimin’s eyes open widely.

"And you believed him? You believed those cruels words? " "Of course I did, he was right after all". " I truly disagree with that. Continue your story y/n, I want to know the rest of it" "Well I ended up losing the baby Jimin" "I get that point but I know where I am going with my question. Trust me please, just trust me. Tell me this evening minute by minute".

You try to concentrate on the events again, on that night you wish you can forget.

"Well, I adjusted my skirt, I closed my eyes, concentrated on my breathing and I entered the stage exactly on time. I started my first song of the evening but I was unable to hit the good note. My legs were trembling, my breath was shorter and shorter. I was still standing up, feeling dizzy, incapable to sing without being flat. My partner on that scenette was looking at me, confused, instead of going to the front of the stage, he stayed close to me, he knew something was wrong. At 4min40, I passed out in the middle of the stage, I was losing a lot of blood".

At that point of the conversation, you are becoming angry. Angry about your life, angry about yourself, angry about everything, Jimin included. You don’t get the point of telling him every little detail about that night as you are unsuccessfully trying so hard to forget. You decide to go straight to the point.

"I lost my baby, went to the hospital, was lectured by my ex-boyfriend, broke my contract cause I could never go on a stage again and I ran away from myself, what else is there to tell» you asked, raising your voice.

Jimin remains calm and says:

"My sweet noona, I believe there is no fault to be taken. I have a phone call to make, wait for me a minute". He stands up, take his cell phone and come out of his room. The second you hear the door closing, you start to cry again. You can’t believe he left. You are shocked, sad and angry at him but mostly at yourself for telling him this, your darker secret. You know that from now on, he will change the way he sees you and he will be disappointed at you just as you are disappointed at yourself. He really leaved you like that? For a fucking phone call? What is so important that it can’t wait a few minutes?

You don't know exactly how long it took him to come back because you are too deep in your thoughts to notice. You feel him sit by your side more than you hear him, and you feel his thumb run through your cheeks in a light soothing touch. When you open your eyes, he is looking at you and smiling gently.

"Y/n, wake up. I want you to listen to it carefully". Were you sleeping?

"Ok”, you tell him as you sit down.

"Please doctor, repeat what you just told me to my friend"

He has his phone on his hand, on speaker mode.

"Basically Mr.Park, I am very sorry to tell you that at 4 months pregnant, when a miscarriage happens, there is nothing that the doctors can do to save the baby as the baby is to small to survive" "Even if you go to the hospital?" Jimin asked "Even so, I am sorry Mr Park. Also, as you asked, a woman can still work and some woman even workout until the the birth day is close, working, moving isn’t a cause for a miscarriage. Unfortunately, it just happens sometimes". “Thank you doctor, you helped me”. Jimin hangs up the phone and put it back on the table near the bed. When he lies down, he takes you in his arms and keeps you close to him, in a tight hug.

"Y/n, there is nothing that could have been done for the baby, it was never your fault. Never". "You don't understand, it is my fault for choosing to go on stage" "Of course I understand. As a performer, the show must go on, the show must always go on. We are conditioned like that, we are conditioned to enter the stage at a very specific time because, members in my case, and the rest of the cast in yours, are expecting you to do your part in order for the show to be successful. I know that an entrance, even with only 3 seconds delay, can be a disaster on a performance. No artist wants to be the cause of a misperformance for his whole, entire team, for his audience. You took the only decision that could have been done, as you knew it was too late already to save the baby. You just tried your best. Plus, it's not like you had a lot of time to be replace, I guess on short notice it’s impossible”. For the first time ever since, you feel your heart lighter as you are now seeing the situation with another point of view. Not that you feel less guilty or less responsible for losing your child but you are ready to think about it with another perspective.

Your family tried to talk to you about it, but they were always shut down and as you never opened up about it, they could not see the real struggle that you were facing. They could not find the good words. Jimin foundthe good words, the words that came straight to your heart.

"If you want me to be completely honest with you, there is a blame to be taken, but not by you. Your boyfriend should have never told you those words. That was untrue, mean and useless. You never deserved such a treatment by the man who was suppose to love you. He should have stayed by your side and tell you every single time you were crying that it was not your fault. Because it was never your fault and one day you will be a wonderful mother again".

You can’t help but cry again, but this time, from relief.

"Jimin, may I stay with you tonight, I don't want to be alone".

He smiled at you gently and said;

"I was not planning on letting you go noona, never will I"

You snuggle closer to him if the thing is possible. He pulls the blankets on you, kiss your forehead and says: "It's not your fault. Now, sleep well Y/N, I will still be here tomorrow morning.

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thejokersenigma · 6 years

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Loki x Reader - Runes - Part 6

Ok guys, next parts ready-ish. I’m not a huge fan of this chapter, but I was desperately trying to find a way to worm in a half-decent explanation of my rune idea into the story. It doesn’t flow great, but I hope it clears a few things up? (Though I’ve probably missed some stuff out so let me know if you have any questions on it and I’ll try and answer if it doesn’t give away the rest of the story haha)

I have based the runes off real runes - the Younger Futhark runes. I haven’t used all of them and I know very little about Norse mythology. I have vaguely used their meanings, but everything I am doing with them is completely fictional and I don’t mean to disrespect them or their meanings in any way so I hope no one takes offence if I mess this up in anyway!

(I actually only came up with his whole fan fiction because I own a necklace like the ones in the story with one of the runes on it!)

Let me know what you think!

Let me know if you want to be tagged in anything!

MAIN MASTERLIST

RUNE MASTERLIST

The Asgardian tradition of a women’s rune necklace was something that had been around for longer than anyone could recall, and its reasoning long since lost to time. You were unfamiliar with anyone ever having challenged the custom in history – or anyone even questioning why it had only ever extended to the female population – but this mostly likely due to the varying wives’ tales that surrounded the soul binding.

And that was what the necklaces were, a part of a girl’s soul trapped away at birth until they were able to unlock it on the day of their marriage. You glanced down at yours now as you sat, your knees pulled up to your chest – a position you had often be chastised for by your mother – in the graveyard garden, the smell of smoke and smouldering wood still lingering on the air. You lifted the antler tip off where it always rested on your chest, now rotating it between your fingertips to examine, for the millionth time, the rune shape carved into it.

You knew the etching in the bone was made by using a piece of sunglass, and the antler then stained in beeswax to seal it, but the actual binding that took place between a person and the rune was a heavily guarded secret that even your extensive reading on the subject could shed very little light on. This was for good reason of course, binding a person’s mind to a vessel was powerful magic and not something that should be accessible to learn for any layman, hence why a small council had been formed that oversaw the practice for each girl’s birth, their methods secretive and their recruiting limited.

You fiddled with the antler piece, scowling at it. The soul runes were a subject that had frustrated and tormented you for most of your life. The bare basics of them were taught to a girl at a young age – they formed questions pretty quickly after all about the leather thong that was placed around their neck at birth – but you had taken a special interest in the topic, educating yourself further than any other girl would care to go. Most just accepted it. You had wanted to know why.

You put down most of your intrigue to the fact that your parents – unlike other children’s families – had refused to explain your runes meaning to you. You remember the other girls running around thrilled and proud about what their rune meant, how they would be this or that when they grew up. Of course, they would then ask you what your rune was – what you were destined for – and you hadn’t known. Neither had they though, when they demanded to see your rune – they had never seen the odd symbol before. That evening, they had run home, bursting with questions about the odd rune on their friend, seeking the answer of its meaning from their parents, but they too refused to speak of it and instead strongly advised that the child stay away from the girl and offered the same advice to any boy as well.

There were few who rebelled enough to ignore these words of wisdom, and before you knew it, your friendship pool had diminished to only a few chosen few - Yuliya always having been the one by your side consistently.

So, you kept your rune hidden from then on – quickly having pieced that together as the source of people’s discomfort around you – and quickly changed the subject If it ever came up. Your grandfather was the one who had helped you discover the true meaning of your rune.

You glanced to your right at the stone statue next to you. It was barely over two-foot-tall but the stone crow – its wings thrown open - was carved with such detail that it looked as though it might take off from its little dais at any point, or at the very least turn one of its cold eyes on you. It was the work of Yuliya’s courter – a blacksmith who dabble in stone work on the side – and you’d paid him with every coin you had and promised him several weeks wages despite his protests. It was a work of art after all – a thing of beauty - and exactly what you had wanted to place in memory of your grandfather. Since it had been laid a little over a year ago, a few weeks after his death, you always visited the spot once a week – more if you needed to. The garden was not a popular place like it once was, but even so, you had chosen the most private area for your memorial, a little hollow in the western corner which a tall willow largely obscured. You and your grandfather had always enjoyed peace and quiet – often not saying whilst you helped him, simply enjoying each other’s company – and you felt it was only right that his earthly reminder be kept away from the business of the world beyond the shrubbery and it, in turn, offered you a sanctum to hide at as well when you needed it most.

Your grandfather had been the one to point you in the right direction to discover the truth behind your rune. He was subtle about it, giving no answers outright - so not as to disobey your parents - but instead suggesting you peruse a certain book you would be able to find at the palace library where your studies took place alongside the other high-ranking children close to your age, including the two princes.

So, you sought the answers for yourself, using your free time to seek out the few books you could find on the runes and their translations. It became clear to you - as you had run your eyes over the pages - why certain runes suggested certain occupations and personalities and you soon made it a hobby of yours to learn and observe different types of runes and their behavioural affects.

There were ten different types of runes in total - some more common than others - and each predicted a certain path for an individual, foretelling their future personality and natural skills. It wasn’t that you were forced by law down these paths laid out for you, but more that these rune around your neck were in fact you – a part of you at least – and the reconnection with that part of upon the ceremonial burning of the necklace unleashed an area of your mind that you didn’t know existed – the part of you that was maternal, or judicious or a voyager, and then you understood your predetermined future.

It was whilst you poured over these books - scribbling notes whenever you found the slightly ‘new’ piece of information amongst a repetitive babble - that you had first met Loki in fact. You had seen him around the palace and in lessons, of course, but never had the two of you acknowledged each other’s presence. The prince had seemed almost as surprised as you upon discovering someone else in the library aside from himself. He had said nothing at the revelation however, but merely grabbed the book he had been searching for from the shelf and taken a seat directly opposite you at the central table.

You had fought the urge to glance up again, knowing for certain you were blushing a bright red, but you had felt Loki’s eyes on your face and the pages you now pointlessly turned. Eventually he had turned his attention to his own book and the two of you had sat in silence together for the rest of your study period. After that though, you had always made sure to hide yourself away in the deepest recess of the library where you definitely could not be found and your studying took on a almost desperate fever, the eligible age of marriage fast approaching and you praying to every god that the more you knew about your rune, the more you stood a chance of fighting against it and your so-called ‘destiny’.

“Look how that turned out.” You murmured to the crow, brushing a hand quickly over your eyes. You weren’t sure whether you regretted knowing about your rune or not, it had permanently altered the way you lived your life after all, but at least now you could stop it – or at the very least try to make up for it.

You glanced back down to your necklace where it just hung as a constant threat. Not everyone kept their rune as a necklace – although it was the most popular style it seemed – where occupations or job made a necklace cumbersome or annoying, some would merely keep the token in their pockets or adjust the leather into bracelets for their ankles or wrists. Anything was generally acceptable really – as long as it remained on your person. Not that there was any law that forbade the removal of a rune though, but it was strongly frowned upon - Gods forbid it break before your marriage after all. Not that anyone knew what would happen if it did – no one even considered damaging their rune – no one except you. You had never done it though – you did not even know if it was possible outside of the matrimonial flame - but you had considered it. You always wondered if it you broke it before your marriage, would that part of you simply disappear into the ether? Or, maybe the rune’s secret would simply be unleashed on you earlier than it should. That was the fear. That was the thought that had always stopped you from trying.

The sound of footsteps on the gravel path to your left now pulled you out of your thoughts. It was a public garden, it could have been anyone, but you knew who it would be – the only person who knew that this is where you sought sanctuary away from reality. You didn’t bother to lift your gaze though, your eyes still on the small tip of bone in your hand, noticing the branches of the willow being pushed aside out of the corner of your eye.

“Sol. Go.”

“I beg your pardon?” You asked, the croak in our voice giving away the tears you had wiped away.

“The rune. Its meaning. I know you still know it - go.” Yuli urged. You raised an eyebrow at her. Yuliya hadn’t always been thrilled with your obsession for the rune necklaces, but she had found the occasional entertainment in how she could question you on any other them and you were able to quote the translations straight back to her.

“Yuli, do we ha–“

“Call it a distraction, come on.” She insisted.

You sighed quietly. “Rune of victory,” You murmured, “Success and spiritual control. Often predicts a warrior’s heart.”

“Tyr?” Yuli suggested down to you. You rolled your eyes, pulling your cloak tighter around your shoulder at the evening wind chill.

“Rune of law and order.” You recited, “Foretells a passion in the legal system and ensuring justice through judgement.”

“Reid.”

“Rune of riding. Predicts wanderlust, a need for journeying – found most commonly amongst travellers and traders.”

“Oss.”

“Rune of communication, songs and words. Prophesises a scribe or bard occupation.”

“Ar?”

“Rune of timing, of knowledge and skill. Very general, can envisage anything from crafter to scholar to farmer. Presents the least direction and is seen as the most freeing rune.” You always added.

“That’s a personal opinion, not a quotation – keep it to yourself.” Yuli scolded you playfully, scowling like one of your old, stern tutors. You smirked. “Bjarkan?”

“Rebirth and purification, common amongst those in the medical profession – especially midwives.”

“Madhr.”

“Means man, family and/or clan connections. Predicts a caring personality and occupations reflect this…” You trailed off, craning your neck as you searched the recesses of you mind for the last part of that particular paragraph. “Can also been seen amongst seafaring folk.” You said quickly, nodding as you suddenly recalled it.

Yuli nodded, “Logr?”

“Water, cleansing. Another popular rune amongst sailors, but also in those that find strong devotion to the gods.” You said, fiddling with the collar of your cloak, the information easily flooding back now.

“Yr.”

“Rune means bow and iron. Also known as the death rune.” You quoted, “Often seen in those babies that die at birth and so often strikes fear in a parent. Despite its tendency to suggest a weak child, it can also suggest a stronger than average child both mentally and physically and predicts an archer or smith’s future.”

You didn’t miss Yuliya’s slight pause before she spoke the final rune, nor the flicker of concern in her eyes, nor the fact that she had purposely chosen to leave the particular rune till last. “Purs/Thurs.” She finally said, keeping her eyes firmly on you now as she waited for your answer.

The mere mention of the rune’s name always made your heart drop in your chest and your throat constrict slightly – always able to recall it, and all the extra information you had ever read concerning it, with ease. “The rune of power, strength and brute force.” You finally answered stiffly, “Used for bindings or magic staves to increase their power. Means torturer, cliff-dweller - giant. Foretells a future of harm and destruction.” You listed.

“Wrong.” Yuliya stated quietly but firmly after a pause. You let out a sigh, closing your eyes in exasperation, knowing what was to come next. “You always get that one wrong.” Your friend reminded you gently.

“It’s not wrong, Yuli,” You sighed tiredly, “That is, word for word, what every book states.”

“That is half of what the books says.” Yuli pointed out, “You always forget that the rune has i meanings. Two opposite meanings.” She stressed. “It may mean destruction. It can also mean protector.”

You rolled your eyes in exasperation and exhaustion, letting your head fall back against the willow you sat against. “I thought you said this was a distraction.” You growled. “That we weren’t to talk of it anymore.”

She sighed, sitting down next to you on the damp grass. “In an ideal world…” She admitted sadly, gazing out over at the garden visible through the trees drooping branches in front of you before turning her eyes back to you. “You could say yes, you know.” She murmured.

You closed your eyes, not about to question how she knew about the proposal, “Yuli, I could not do this to someone I did not love, let alone to someone that I do.” You groaned, “This rune is my burden now, but when I marry it becomes Loki’s as well - I cannot do that to the prince.” You insisted despairingly.

“[Y/N], you have to allow the prince the choice to carry that burden.” Yuliya explained, “He may well refuse,” She continued quickly before you could refuse, “and then you may carry on with your current state of self-pity –“ You scowled, “- but the prince may agree, [Y/N] - and then you could have your happily ever after.”

All you could do was shake your head hopelessly. You didn’t know what to say. Yuli was right, no one could predict the prince’s reaction to your rune, but if he was like anyone else he would simply turn and flee.

But there was a tiny chance he would not.

But that would require you confessing to Loki, and that in itself seemed like a near impossible task. You did not think you could stand the look you knew you would see on his face when the realisation hit him. “Yuli, I – I don’t think I can do it - tell him I mean.” You clarified, “I – I can’t see –“ the look of horror, you wanted to say - the look that confirmed to you he could not love you – not all of you. Not the part that had yet to show itself. That he could not marry you, in fear of what you would become. And, if he couldn’t marry you, you knew that he would not be with you period. He was a prince after all, which meant that no matter how much fun he may find with various ladies each night currently, one day Loki would be forced to settle down and marry. And it couldn’t be with you.

Whether your heart broke now or in a few years, it would have to break.

You groaned, covering your face with your palms now, pressing the back of your head harder into the bark behind you. Why had the prince proposed to you in the first place? In your mind it made no sense. None of the past few days did. Why had he insisted on accompanying you through the market? Why had he kissed you at the wall? Why – why on that very first day of all this, had Loki come to the tower and asked for something he could damn well have made himself?!

Loki’s behaviour was just as puzzling to you as yours likely was to him. “I just don’t know.” You groaned miserably, dropping your hands from your damp cheeks and glancing across to the stone carving again. It felt like its eyes were on you, telling you that you knew what to do, you were just too scared to do it.

“What would he have said?” Yuliya asked gently next to you, nodding to the raven.

“Probably the exact same as what you have said.” You admitted with a weak laugh, “Though, he would call me princess.” You added with a small shrug, a sad smile playing on your lips at the fond memory.

“You see,” Yuliya pointed out gently, “he thought you were princess material.” You smirked feebly. “He also knew what your rune was and didn’t shun you.” Yuli pointed out, “and neither do I.” She reminded you. “There are people like that out there, [Y/N] - like your grandfather, like me, and maybe like Loki – that do not care about your rune.” She insisted earnestly. You sighed tiredly. “I promise you, [Y/N], the prince is different around you - more genuine, honest.” She explained. “Maybe it is time you are that with him.” She pointed out.

You glanced at her in surprise. She was right really. Wasn’t she? You closed your eyes, grimacing as you looked away again. Were you truly considering this? You jumped slightly when you suddenly felt a hand on your own - a warmth against the cold skin of your healing frostbite still hidden under your bandages. “Stop trying to prove yourself to him,” Yuliya urged, “And give him a chance to prove himself to you.”

Tags for everything: @thatwriterizzy @arkhamsurviour @sheldonsherlocktony @beautifulbows924 @angelicshinigami @wanna-see-my-lease @minahraven @adaliamalfoy

Tags for Loki: @drakesfiance @vanyali07 @frostymoon11 @hakuoyuki @imagine-that-100 @lexiiiii28 @vgurl18 @jungwencantdie

Tags for Runes: @l0kisbitch

#loki #loki x reader #loki x reader fan fiction #loki fan fiction #thejokersenigma #thejokersenigma fan fiction #marvel fan fiction #avengers fan fiction #thor fan fiction #loki laufeyson #loki odinson fan fiction #loki odinson #loki laufeyson x reader fan fiction #loki laufeyson fan fiction #loki odinson x reader fan fiction #runes #runes fan fiction #runes part 6

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nascentesxmorimur · 6 years

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@deathmaarch - the birthday boooooyyyyyyy

Sky had been working relentlessly all day to make sure everything was tip top, ship shape, birthday ready for the moment Nikki came home. She even woke up early, claiming to be up just to give him a proper birthday send off (which wasn’t untrue, because she did eagerly serve him his birthday breakfast and coffee)...but she stayed up to turn the apartment into a birthday wonderland. The surprise party wasn’t until the next day with all the family and friends, but tonight when the man of the hour stepped through the front door, everything was going to be perfect for him. She set up the kitchen with balloons and black streamers, silver accents strewn about, and made it all fall/Halloween-esque. She didn’t decorate the rest of the place for Halloween yet, since they usually did that together and she very much enjoyed that time together, but she did want at least one room to be Halloween-y birthday looking --- since he enjoyed that holiday just as much as she did, after all. She mercilessly covered the rooms with candles and birthday decor while baking his birthday cookies and the cake of course. She’d been collaborating with Prue for recipes and decorating techniques and they came up with the perfect cacophony of treats and such.

After a very long day of cooking, decorating, baking, and wrapping, Sky finally marched hastily upstairs to the attic, which they seldom ever used. The two didn’t have much in terms of extra possessions that would need storage so the attic was really more of an extra space collecting the aesthetically typical cobwebs and dust. However, that became highly useful to Sky because in her spare time over the past few months, because of how little to no reason to ever use that space, she was able to freely change it into something that Nikki would be able to get use out of, without him knowing what she was planning either. She was able to sneak up there when he wasn’t home and make the renovations without having to hide it or try to keep him from going up there and getting suspicious. It was perfect. She really hoped he enjoyed his new dark room. Putting the finishing touches in it and setting a neatly wrapped box on the counter, she turned on the red light to triple check (okay, more like thirteenth or millionth, splitting hairs) that it worked. She puffed up her chest with a sense of pride at what she’d accomplished. This and the other surprise should be a success, she hoped anyway. She really did want to give him the world and make him happy as fuck. But since the world was a pretty unrealistic gift, she’d have to work with more attainable goals.

------later------

Nikki was supposed to be home around seven that night, but he called and said that he was coming home a little early. Her heart jumped and she was immediately in hustle mode. Thrilled that she’d get him home earlier than expected but also nervous that she may have forgotten or missed something. She went into each room, double..triple checking that everything was in place and then hurried to her own room to get dressed and made up. Early was right, she noted as she heard those familiar footsteps coming up the stairs. Ready to greet her man in her new black dress (which she may or may not have bought specifically for this occasion), she was ready with black balloons in hand as the door swung open, throwing her arms around his neck and basically dragging him the rest of the way inside. “Babe!” Sky kissed his cheek in an over exaggerated manner. “There’s my birthday boy!” She exclaimed happily, giving him a real kiss this time before stepping back to let the balloons float to the ceiling. She grabbed his special birthday cookie and a latte from the table and presented them to him in regal fashion. “For you, fine sir, on this glorious day, the day of your birth, come! Let us commemorate this joyous occasion with a celebration fit for a Prince of the Darkness, such as yourself.” She smirked almost giddily, taking his arm and leading him into the kitchen. Smiling at him as she stood beside the counter, hiding the cake with her body, she pulled him forward again and leaned her forehead against his. “Happy birthday, babe.”

#deathmaarch #;birthday boy starter #eyyy wut it do #:3

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babyconnectingworld · 4 years

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Can weaning your baby cause maternal depression?

A year into nursing my third son, I went to feed him for the millionth time and the strangest thing happened: I was overcome with the almost nauseatingly strong urge to not. I knew it was time to begin the weaning process, just as I’d done before with my other two babies. It took a few weeks to fully wean him, using the same gradual approach I’d taken with his big brothers, all around the 14-month mark. I expected a smooth transition into toddlerhood and looked forward to a life without another human attached to me. But the onslaught of physical and emotional changes that soon followed was overwhelming and all-consuming. I developed seemingly random symptoms I’d never experienced before: debilitating headaches, mood swings, sadness, anxiety and lethargy—it felt like PMS with a side of the flu. It was more intense than the first months of pregnancy had been. After some passive attempts to google my symptoms and find someone who could relate online, I realized I was dealing with one of the least discussed but more difficult parts of postpartum life: an intense reaction to weaning. I can describe it only as the “weaning fog.” My always reliable social media mom groups, and even some deeper research, produced little advice and very few articles on the weaning fog. Of course, I found information on the basics of weaning: preventing engorgement and finding alternative ways to continue bonding with the baby. But this wasn’t what I was experiencing. I took pregnancy tests (negative), visited my doctor (“It’s a phase”) and talked to other moms (huge variety of experiences). I was frustrated and I needed to know why I was feeling like garbage. My husband and I now refer to what happened to me as the “dark side” of weaning. Let’s start with the facts: Research does not, technically, show that postpartum depression or anxiety surges at this time. But that’s because mothers aren’t specifically screened for depression during weaning, as it’s usually a temporary phase and everyone weans at different times—it could be three months postpartum or three years postpartum. High-quality research simply does not exist yet. However, plenty of women report feeling the effects of the hormonal changes that occur during weaning. Reproductive psychiatrist Alexandra Sacks, author of What No One Tells You: A Guide to Your Emotions from Pregnancy to Motherhood and the host of the Motherhood Sessions podcast, explains it this way: “Some women are more sensitive to hormonal shifts than others; some have more dramatic mood changes around periods, during pregnancy, postpartum and around weaning, but these are individual sensitivities—so some people feel better, and some feel worse.” Others don’t notice any mood changes at all. A decline in oxytocin, the bonding hormone stimulated by breastfeeding, may lead to some women feeling low, says Sacks. She also explains that some women feel better after weaning if they had found breastfeeding to be stressful or disruptive to their own sleep (which may increase stress hormones). When you stop breastfeeding, prolactin (the milk-production hormone) drops off, estrogen shoots back up, and all of it sent me into a PMSing, semi-permanent state of terribleness. Verinder Sharma, a professor of psychiatry with a cross appointment to the Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology at the University of Western Ontario, confirms that the prolactin decrease is the issue, but it’s not the whole story: What matters is how the prolactin affects other changes in the brain and results in depression—or even mania. Sharma says to look for a “clustering of symptoms.” Some women may experience comparatively simple hormone changes with weaning, while others might be plunged into a full-blown postpartum depression. I sure had a cluster of symptoms, but I didn’t feel they were depression-like. It felt more physical for me. “We make a distinction between symptoms and syndromes,” says Sharma. For women, all “reproductive events” related to hormonal changes—this can include pregnancy and postpartum, as well as monthly PMS, menopause, and when you’re getting your period for the very first time—increase the risk of psychiatric problems, he says. For example, bipolar disorder mania is extremely affected by hormonal changes—one in three women with bipolar disorder will experience an onset within a year of starting puberty or getting their first period. It’s also the mental disorder most exacerbated by childbirth, according to Sharma.

How to stop breastfeedingIn the 18th century, doctors and psychiatrists did, in fact, distinguish between postpartum disorders and the “lactational period,” but in contemporary studies, they haven’t done this. Sharma says we are still evaluating men and women too similarly and that a paradigm shift needs to take place for us to more holistically consider a woman’s hormones in relation to her mental health. “That change should reflect the heightened risk around the time of reproductive events,” including during weaning, says Sharma. Due to the lack of research in this area, Sharma says there are no concrete numbers on how many women experience depression or other mental disorders during weaning. He thinks screenings for mood disorders during weaning should be as commonplace as mental health assessments during the early postpartum period. Ideally, doctors should be considering and connecting potential changes at each major hormonal shift in a woman’s life. While my so-called weaning fog was nothing like bipolar mania, I’m certain it was affected by the soup of hormones flowing from my pituitary gland and swirling throughout my body. In addition to this hormonal chaos—or maybe because of it—I was also feeling a little sad that breastfeeding was over, while simultaneously feeling glad that we had stopped. After nursing three babies, I felt a sense of nostalgia and freedom at the same time. It’s that classic push-pull feeling of parenthood: Looking forward yet yearning for the past, too. Mourning the breastfeeding period and feeling a sense of grief or loss is common. Catie Agave*, a 36-year-old mom in Toronto, felt it intensely, since she knew she was most likely going to have only one child. “The journey was ending for us, so that brought on sadness as well,” she says. While she weaned her three-year-old gradually, she started to feel foggy within two weeks of completely weaning. “I wasn’t prepared for the change,” she says. “I didn’t feel like myself. I was more exhausted even though he was finally sleeping more. By week three or four, I had a lack of interest in daily activities, which is difficult when you have a child of that age.” She kept her feelings to herself at first, and then did some googling, but she found very few research-based articles and a lack of support, even in her usual go-tos: her Facebook mom groups and breastfeeding forums. “Nobody talks about it.” “There are a lot of people talking about postpartum depression,” she says. “And reading their symptoms, I thought, yeah, this is what I have—this is depression. But nobody ever said you can have postpartum depression from weaning, too. I was very sad, and it lasted for a long time. I couldn’t find anyone else going through that,” she says. “It was a scary experience.” Agave says she was hesitant to talk to her doctor because she assumed postpartum depression (PPD) was for moms of infants, not moms of toddlers or preschoolers, and she worried she’d be judged for her choice to practise extended breastfeeding. She credits her sister with encouraging her to see a doctor, in spite of her fears. “The doctor was supportive and mentioned postpartum depression can happen up until three years,” she says. Sacks is working to popularize the term “matrescence,” originally coined by an anthropologist in the 1970s, as a better way to describe and fully capture the ongoing transitions of motherhood over time, even if your baby is now growing into a toddler. “It’s a helpful framing of new motherhood as a developmental phase, like ‘adolescence’—it’s not a coincidence that the words sound similar,” she says. “Both matrescence and adolescence describe shifts that are challenging because they involve changes in so many parts of life, ranging from the physical, hormonal, social, emotional and all the rest.” Adolescence is a gradual process—it isn’t instant in the way motherhood can be divided into pre-baby and post-baby life. But we need to be forgiving of ourselves, and to acknowledge that it might take time to adjust to all the shifts and challenges happening at once. Your body, your brain chemistry and your identity are all changing. Whether it’s a few months after birth or three years later, women shouldn’t feel ashamed if they experience the weaning fog, like me, or true depression symptoms, like Agave. We all have our own recovery period. Sacks encourages moms to remember that the end of breastfeeding doesn’t mean your baby needs you any less. Agave, who had struggled with anxiety in the past—but never depression—was ultimately referred to a treatment program where she improved through cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). She was relieved to know CBT was an option, in addition to taking prescription medications, such as antidepressants. (She was prescribed an SNRI but chose to focus on CBT treatment instead.) “Eventually, my hormones regulated and the feeling of depression significantly decreased, but to this day, the anxiety piece is still there. I think a lot of it is the stress of being a mom.” Around the time I was preparing to pursue professional help, my own symptoms eased up, around two months after they began. I found myself reflecting back on the previous two months, asking, “What just happened?” It had felt like the flu, mixed with mild depression, combined with all those yo-yo-ing feelings about my relationship with my baby. I felt so thankful to feel “normal,” or like myself, again. Batya Grundland, a family physician with an emphasis in obstetrics and women’s health in Toronto, and the former head of maternal care at Women’s College Hospital Family Practice, says gradual versus cold-turkey weaning can play a part in the intensity of hormonal changes. She believes weaning is unlikely to be the sole cause; rather, it’s a complex puzzle with multiple additional factors happening all at once. “The tricky thing is that it would be hard to associate symptoms only with weaning,” she says. For many mothers, reductions to the nursing schedule often coincide with a return to full-time or part-time work. Some women will also experience the return of their period, with ovulation and menstrual cycles beginning to regulate again during the same time frame. “It could make sense that describe feeling pregnant. With the prolactin and estrogen changes, you could feel a whole bunch of things,” says Grundland. Not only are hormones changing drastically during this phase, but women may also be spending long days away from their babies, weaning by necessity (or attempting to pump at work), juggling full-time employment, adjusting to the work/daycare dash, not sleeping enough at night and forgetting to take care of themselves in all of this. “Moms are so busy—they need to be reminded that self-care is important, and we need to figure out ways to better support mothers,” says Sacks. She nudges parents to ask themselves how much they’ve slept and when they ate their last real meal. Do you have time to simply go to the bathroom and brush your teeth alone? Have you had time to yourself not engaged in childcare? Sacks says moms need to reconnect to who they are outside of parenting—like seeing friends, spending time with a romantic partner or pursuing non-child-related interests. “If you cut out the majority of activities that were essential to your routine before having a baby, you may feel disconnected from your identity.” Both Sacks and Grundland also recommend seeking help if temporary feelings of sadness become long-term or interfere with daily activities, but they agree that some sadness can be normal for some individuals. Most women can expect to feel physical and emotional changes for about four to six weeks, says Grundland. My journey through the weaning fog, and my version of self-care during the recovery period, meant seeking out meals with multiple food groups, a simple thing that had fallen off the priority list when I was caring for a colicky baby and keeping my other two toddlers alive and happy. I distinctly recall a three-course lunch I bought for myself, including a rack of ribs, that reminded me how to enjoy other things again, as a separate human from my baby. I had forgotten that I needed to eat real food, too. The end of breastfeeding doesn’t mean your baby needs you any less, emotionally, says Sacks. It’s like every other bittersweet aspect of parenting: “You feel a sense of longing when you see clothes your child no longer fits into, but you’re happy they’re growing. A baby is able to eat foods, but the ‘baby phase’ is now behind you. You can want two things at once.” I wanted to be the selfless, amazing super mom, but to also feel zero guilt treating myself to that rack of ribs—alone—instead of nursing a baby for the fourth time that day. I wanted to feel even-keeled and clear-headed again, yet still bond with my baby in the ways breastfeeding had magically provided. In the end, the months-long weaning fog was just another example of the bizarre and unexpected, yet temporary, phases in my first few years of motherhood. Read the full article

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justanontherwinchester · 7 years

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Hunters Don’t Cry: Part 5

Pairings: Dean x Reader x BestFriend Sam

Summary: Catch up here

The reader and Dean have to make a choice but can Dean step up to the plate?

Author’s Note: Thank you for so much positive feedback, lovies. You are all amazing! If you want to be tagged, please ask. Also I am accepting ideas for one shots/stories!

Warnings: Language

"Oh, their so perfect, (Y/N)." Sam cooed at his newborn nieces. They were perfect. They were identical, green eyes and ash blond hair. They looked like their father.

"Nine months pregnant and they come out looking like Dean." I sat in my bed holding one the unnamed newborns.

"He would be so happy right now."

"I know Sammy, I know." I looked at these little girls and I saw the world. They were my world and nothing else mattered.

"What are you naming them? This one already has Dean's mugshot face down." He grinned and tapped on her little nose. "Bop"

"Brinley Ellen and Brielle Johanna Winchester." I knew these two were going to be strong, so they needed to be named after strong women. I knew they were going to have hunting in their blood, but that world was behind me and they were ahead.

"You mean to tell me Sam was there the day they were born. Sam was the one who held my daughters? It was fucking Sam?!" Dean was screaming and being dramatic, like normal.

"Well it could have been you Dean, but here we are." I was standing across the room from him as he packed his bags. Our hunt was over and we were supposed to be taking time off. That wasn't happening. There was a Ghoul infestation in a small town in North Carolina, people were dropping left and right.

“Yeah, here we are. We are both grown adults now. Do they.. do they even know about me." His voice broke as he tossed his shirts on top of the other clothes. He was hurting, but so was I. I walked over to him grabbing his shirts and started folding them, how I used to.

"Of course they do Dean."

"Do they know me as their father?" He looked at me like I had ripped his heart in two.

"No." He looked away from me and clenches his fist. "You're Uncle SamSam's brother. You travel a lot and that's why you never visit. The stories Sam tells them, you're a superhero in their eyes." I felt the tears coming. "You are their superhero Dean. When Brinley grows up she wants to be like Uncle Dean. Brielle wants to be a mermaid. They are smart and strong. They were born to be hunters, but I don't want that life for them. I didn't get a choice. We didn't get a choice. I want them to be kids."

I've never seen Dean so emotional. I've never seen him this hurt. He pulls me into him, holding me but not saying anything. His hand rubbed up and down my back, just like he used to. His face was burrowed in my hair, nuzzling to get closer.

"I'll show you I'm a decent man. I'll show you I can be a good father. I want our girls home." That was the words I wanted him to say all along. "I'm so sorry for ever making you be alone. I would take it all back if I could. I can't. So I have to live with it. I don't ever want you to forgive me for what I did to you, to them. I can't forgive myself. I don't ever expect for you to love me but know I will love you until the end of time. Know that I will love them and never deny them. Even if one is weird and likes that Justin Beaver. I want nothing more than seeing their booster seats in the back of Baby, with you by my side. I want to accidentally sit on one of those damn Barbie dolls for the millionth time. I want to do it with you. Hell, I want a whole litter of Winchesters. I wanted that since we were young. I don't know what I was thinking when I let you go. But I fucked up and I'll never forgive myself. When you're ready, I would love to finally meet them. I want to know my baby girls."

I was crying, no, I was sobbing until I couldn't breathe. I knew Dean Winchester. This was my Dean who was talking. Whoever it was back then wasn't my Dean. Even then I wasn't ready, it needed to happen. Not right now though.

"I fucking hate you so much." My face buried deeper into his chest and he just held me tighter. "I'm sorry I didn't fight, Dean. I'm sorry I left. I was just done. I was just so hurt and lost. When you said those things to me, it was the straw that broke the camels back. Give us this hunt. It's going to be about two weeks, give me two weeks to decide."

"Okay." He let go and placed a tender kiss on my forehead. "Two weeks."

"Do you want to see them though?" He looked at me with a bit of confusion. I pulled the photo album out of my duffle, it wasn't much but it was memories. "From birth to now."

He started flipping through the album. He smiled and reacted to the photos better than I could have imagined. I pointed through guiding them.

"This was the day they were born." I was holding both of them, Sam was on my right and Samantha was on my left. "Oh, this was their first bath and this was their first birthday. Brielle loves cake but Brinley loves pie. Everything in pie form, that girl will eat. This was the first time they had spaghetti and here's Brielle holding a duck." In that moment, everything had changed. It was real. They were real to him. He kept flipping through the photos as he watched them age before his eyes. "They both love classic rock. Brielle enjoys AC/DC and Brinley swears Guns and Roses is the best thing in the world."

"Their beautiful." He wiped his tears and continued flipping through.

"They look just like you and act like it too. They are pure Winchester. You couldn't denied them if you tried."

"I would never want to." He came to the end of the book and was disappointed, he was wanting more.

"Samantha has basically every day of their lives recorded and tons more pictures. I can have her email the videos and we can watch them if you would like?"

"I would love that." He started to hand me back the photo album but I pushed it back to him. "I have multiple copies of everything, you keep these."

"Thank you." He started looking through again, taking in everything once more.

I walked out of Dean's "room" and down to the room Tiffany now claimed. I looked through her cracked door as she was packing

"Knock knock." I opened the door as she looked at me. "Mind if I come in?"

"Sure, come on." She had more clothes than any of us and nothing was proper hunting attire.

"You know if you are going to become a hunter, you have got to find some form on sensible foot wear." I grabbed one of the stilettos on the bed, knowing I would die if I wore a pair of these.

"I can't become a hunter. I'm not like y'all." She sighed and looked at me, worried.

"Well not with that attitude." I responded. "You've been in this life now, you can't walk away. With how many things out there that want to kill the Winchesters, you have to be."

"What's the point. Dean never loved me. Sam hates me and so do you. Why should I stay?"

"I don't hate you. Im sorry about Dean and Sam... that one you will have to figure out on your own." I sat down on her bed and leaned back.

"You busted my face two days ago."

"You ripped out my stitches."

"Sorry about that." She apologized.

"Sorry about everything else."

"It wasn't your fault. I was stupid. When I saw Dean in that bar, I made the first move. He pushed me away the first few tries, but after he got drunk, I took advantage of that. I fell for him and I tried to do everything I could to make him love me like he loved you. He talked about you in his sleep, sometimes he would moan your name during sex. I was just a rebound. Dean's not a bad guy. I didn't know the truth and I tried to feed on it so he wouldn't leave me. I was scared I was going to end up back in that town, with my alcoholic father and abusive ex-husband."

"I forgive you, a million times. You won't ever have to go back there. It will take some time, but having you around will be a good thing. You're going to be a great hunter. Also I know this really great guy that I think would be perfect for you."

"You guys rebound fast from relationships." She was laughing as she finished her packing.

"It's a hunter's thing. Hit it and quit it. But really, he's a great guy. We are going to meet up with him when we get to North Carolina in the next few days."

"What's his name?"

"Garth." I walked out of the room, leaving her to ponder about Garth. He was a good guy and he deserved a good girl.

I saw Sam in the hall, rolling his bags out by his door.

"I just hear you tell Tiffany about Garth?" He asked, laughing.

"Shut up, they would be good together." Sam just shook his head, thinking what we both were thinking.

"I overheard you and Dean..."

"And...."

"I think it's a great idea. Also I've missed the munchkins too. I have a bag of things I've been picking up for them over the past few months and I don't have anymore space."

"You are going to spoil them, Sam."

"Just wait till Dean starts." I rolled my eyes at the thought of Dean getting the girls a remote control car or a Swiss Army knife. "I think this is going to be good."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"But what do I say? Hey baby girls, meet your dad, it's really Uncle Dean?” I threw my arms up and leaned against the rotting wall.

"You'll figure it out, you always do." He walked back into his room and shut the door behind him.

I heard whispering from back down the hall. It was coming from Dean's room.

"I promise the moment I meet you two, I won't fuck that up. I promise to never leave you again. I'll teach you how to rebuild a car engine, we can play dress up, and braid Uncle Sam's hair while he sleeps. I'll be the best dad I can be. I'll protect you and love you no matter what."

He traced their faces with his finger. I knew Dean would make a good father. I find myself a decent mom. The problem is, how will we be good together and save the world at the same time?

Tags: @redlipstickandthewinchesters @charred-angelwings @mattory-reylo-shipper-offical @strawberryjuiceboxxx @keep-calm-and-omfg-jensen-ackles

#supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural one shot #dean winchester #dean x reader #dean x y/n #dean winchester fanfiction #Sam Winchester #sam winchester fanfiction

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alongwalktoforever · 7 years

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Goodbye, Until Tomorrow Pt 3

Chapter 1: The Decision

Chapter 2: The Night Before

Chapter 3: The Morning Of

Jackson

Jackson was standing in front of a door. He had the intense feeling of homecoming, the feeling of having been away for far too long. He tries to turn the doorknob, but it doesn’t budge. He hears laughter inside and instinctively knows its April’s. Peering through the window, Jackson spots toys and a stroller in the living room. He knocks on the door, no answer. Suddenly, he is banging on the door, yelling “APRIL!!! APRIL PLEASE! HELLO? ANYONE?? CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?” With each hit, the air around him gets thinner and he can’t breathe. And with each hit the laughter from inside grows louder. No one can hear him, no one cared.

Jackson sat up in his bed, his heart pounding in his chest and gnawing feeling in his gut. It was still dark out; the clock flashed 5:08am. Jackson stares up in the darkness for a few seconds until his heart rate returns to normal. This wasn’t his first experience with nightmares. After the hospital shooting, Jackson had vivid dreams of Gary Clarke massacring him and everyone he knew. For months, he would wake up screaming in the middle of the night. When he was unable to fall back asleep, April would stay up and watch stupid late-night television with him until morning or until they’d both passed out on Meredith’s uncomfortable couch. Those were the days when they were figuring out who they were to each without Reed and Charles. Those were the days she became his best friend.

Jackson slowly climbs out of bed. He washes his face in the hotel sink turns on the television, looking for something...anything to keep his mind busy. But the only thing on television that early in the morning are terrible morning talk shows and infomercials.

Jackson decides to go for a run, it was finally light outside and exercising would do him some good instead of lamenting for the next four and half hours. His normal route took him on a path that circled a park not too far from the hotel. The crisp air jolted him awake. He began his run and was the only one out this early in the morning.

Step. Breath. Step. Breathe. Step.

He focused on the very basic movements of his body, he wouldn’t let his mind think about anything else. That was a perk of being a surgeon, they could compartmentalize with the best. He ran until his muscles burned. He ran until each breathe took effort. He ran until the whole world felt very far away.

When Jackson finally stopped, he sat down on a very old bench that overlooked the pond. It had a quote written across the front that he had never noticed.

“Come what come may, time and the hour runs through the roughest day.”

—Shakespeare (Macbeth)

Jackson let his fingers rest over the gold lettering. Fitting, he thought. Life keeps moving forward. The quote was surprisingly close to something his mother had always told him. He could even hear her voice, “Child. You can cry, you can whine, you can stomp your feet, but the sun still gonna come up in the morning. So, get used to it and do something about it.”

It is how he got through Samuel, it was how he got through the year without April, and it was how he was going to get through this. Just keep moving forward.

This divorce would let them move on, he repeated to himself for the millionth time. They were doing it the humane way. There were no disputes, no court, no children living in a broken home. It was a clean break. The opposite of his parent’s divorce. Jackson thought about how ugly everything got between them. He was seven when his parents split up. They weren’t even speaking to each other at that time. The only interactions were late night phone-calls where they fight and yell at each other when they thought Jackson was asleep. They fought on everything. They fought on spousal support, on where Jackson was going to live, on who got to keep the damn cat. They hated each other and Jackson remembers feeling like he was being split in half. They even made him testify in court on who he would rather live with. He chose his mother, who was a much more prominent figure in his life.

However, there was one instance, where his father picked him up early from school with a suitcase and told them they were going on a trip together. They flew from Boston to San Francisco and stayed in a hotel room for a few days. Jackson loved it until his mother woke him up in the middle of night and took him away. What he didn’t know until later was that his father hadn’t told his mother about the trip. He never saw his mother so furious before in his life. After she brought Jackson home, it was the first and only time he ever saw his mother cry. Jackson’s father slowly left the picture, popping up for the occasional holiday until he stopped showing up at all. That was when his grandfather, Harper Avery, took a much more serious interest in Jackson.

Jackson was nineteen years old when his father died while drunk driving. The bastard had wrapped his car around a pole, luckily not hurting anyone else in the process. At the time of his father’s death, Jackson hadn’t talked to him in over two years.

When April had that first pregnancy scare in the beginning, a million things ran through his head. He was young, they were in an undefined relationship, he had his whole career ahead of him and so did she. But he knew that he was never going to let his kids feel the pain of growing up without a father. He would be there through thick and thin. He would take care and protect his family and the people that he loved.

Jackson had always known that April was going to make a great mother. He knew that way before they were anything more than just friends. She brought homemade cookies to work, she knitted scarves for Christmas, and she seemed to know every Disney song by heart. There was one point after the plane crash, he and April along with a resistant Karev had to babysit Zola and Sofia for several days while their parents dealt with the fallout. Everyone was in shock and on edge. Jackson and April hadn’t spoken about their hook-up since the locker room talk. But he remembers watching her play with the girls. She planned a grand tea party with all of Sofia and Zola’s stuffed animals as well as Jackson and Karev in attendance. The girls were laughing and playing, not scared of the seismic shift happening with their parents, they were just being kids. He had looked at April and thought, she will be an amazing mother. The thought scared the shit out of him, mostly because when he pictured it, he was there with her.

Later, when they found out they were pregnant with Samuel, he was so scared about being a good father. He didn’t have anyone to compare it too. He read every book and researched articles and videos online. Those were the days he wished that Sloane was alive so he could have someone to talk about it too. Of course, Jackson had no idea that being a good father would be the least of his worries when his child has a fatal incurable birth defect.

They both carried the gene. It was their fault what happened to Samuel. If April finds someone else, someone who isn’t a carrier then they could have a boatload of healthy kids. He tried to picture it: April with a vague, faceless husband and three or four kids running around. The thought of April having a family without him hurt so much, he had to shut his eyes to stop himself from crying. He took three deep breathes. This was for the best. This was for the best. This was for the best.

He checked his watch, it was almost 8am. He got up from the bench and made his way back to his apartment. He had set everything out the night before so all he had to do was shower. Simple things like tying his shoes and buttoning his shirt took effort. He had no appetite. He was a mess. His phone already had six missed calls from his mother which he simply ignored. There was no way he was opening that can of worms today.

He drove to his lawyer’s office; he was very early. He sat in the car with the windows down and the seat back, listening to sports radio. It wasn’t even 10am yet and he was in desperate need of a drink. He was contemplating the time it would take for him to go buy a handle of whiskey and get back in time, when he saw his lawyer pull up in his red Mercedes Benz.

“Today is the day!” The lawyer cheerfully yelled across the parking lot. God, he’s the worst, Jackson thought. This was going to be a very long day. They walked into the office and a few minutes later, April’s lawyer enters alone. It was 10:08am, it wasn’t like April to be late. He was always the late one, the messy one, the one who loses his keys. The lawyers engage in asinine small talk that Jackson can’t be bothered to listen or respond. He stares at the door. It was a confusing feeling, needing April to walk through the doors so they could get this over with and dreading the moment she does.

When the door finally opens, Jackson takes a very large breath. He repeats the mantra once more: keep moving forward.

April

April wakes up in a daze, the kind where you aren’t sure where you are or even who you are. She had been in such a deep sleep, she felt like should could have been asleep for days. The clock on her bedroom table flashes 7:36am. She had something to do today, something important. Of course, it finally hits her. The whole year floods her, Samuel, Jordan, Jackson leaving, the divorce. April is overwhelmed with emotion and something else… she runs to the bathroom, just making it to the toilet before she vomits. She chalks the nausea up to nerves and rinses her mouth out into the sink. She stares at her reflection, she looks exhausted.

She turns on the shower and waits for the water to heat up. April had been too tired to even change out of scrubs last night. As she stripes down, April feels something in her pocket. She pulls out a small plastic object, the pregnancy test from the supplies closet. She must have subconsciously put it in her pocket when she left the hospital last night. Just another thing from the universe to throw at her today. Without a second thought, she tosses it in the trash and enters the shower.

She turns the water to hot until the whole room fills with steam. April stands underneath the stream, trying to let it wash away all the terrible thoughts that came over her last night. If she let those thoughts back in today, she was never going to make through the day. She had to accept it. There is no Jackson, there is no God, she was alone. Being a doctor and saving lives, that could be enough for her. The sooner she accepted it, the sooner life would move forward.

She steps out of the shower and pulls out her hair dryer from underneath the sink. What a stupid tradition, having to dress up for your own divorce. She finishes straightening her hair and applying her makeup, but her eyes keep finding that that stupid pregnancy test on top of the trash. Why had she brought it home? She has no memory of putting in her pocket or feeling it when she went to bed. But there it was, she felt like it was mocking her. She picks it out of the bathroom trash intent on throwing it away in the kitchen so she wouldn’t have to look at it anymore. Enough. She was going to stop thinking and looking at that damn test. She only makes it to her bedroom, stopped by a memory.

One minute ago, they were screaming at each other and throwing fortune cookies. Now, they were drawn to each other like magnets. Their kiss had open up a floodgate and there was a need that they couldn’t ignore. Her whole body was on fire. She had missed him, his smell, his touch. She would have had him right there on the kitchen counter, but he carried her into the bedroom. She pulled him on top of her, feeling his pressure. She needed him inside her. He stopped kissing her. Just for second, but it felt like eternity and just looked at her. April had no idea what he was thinking, she reached up and stroked his face. He kissed her again softly this time. They were one again, no longer separate beings.

She shakes her head. No, what she is thinking is impossible. She was just looking for any excuse to stop this day. She was just emotional and sad...and nauseous...and late. No, no no no no no. She can’t. She can’t be. Women skip periods when they are going through emotional trauma all the time. It was a normal health phenomenon; she would know. So why can’t she just let this go? In an hour, she has to walk into that lawyer’s office and say goodbye to the love of her life. And all she could think about was this damn test.

She needed to know, one way or another.

On the floor of the bathroom, April waited. Three minutes to be exact. She wasn’t sure what she was feeling or thinking or doing. What was she expecting, she finds out she is pregnant and everything magically fixes itself? And what if the test is negative? Could her heart take that disappointment? Wait, that thought surprised her... would it be a disappointment or a relief?

Two minutes. If she was pregnant, it would be the most inconvenient time in the world to discover. The day of her divorce, when Jackson and her weren’t even speaking. Everything was falling apart, including herself. She was a mess. She wasn’t even sure she could handle a baby right now. A baby. A baby with Jackson’s eyes and kind smile.

One minute. Warmth spread through her whole body. It would be the most beautiful thing. Suddenly, she knows. She picks up the test to make sure, but she is already certain at what is staring back at her; the pink plus. Tears are streaming down her face and she’s laughing. She was happy, so so happy. She had lost all hope. She had cursed God, mocked him, and even questioned his existence. Yet, he had given her this miracle. A baby, that was a little Jackson and little of her and something all itself

Jackson. Her joy diminishes as her stomach drops. She has to tell him. She wants to tell him. God, she wants to tell him, but something in the back of her mind is stopping her.

It’s a memory.

“Don’t you see? This is what you do. You just decide how things are going to go.”

“I am not the one deciding!”

“OF COURSE YOU’RE THE ONE DECIDING! April, you are always deciding. You decide to go to Jordan. You decide to leave. You decide to stay. You decide you need me then you decide you don’t. You decide we can talk, you decide we cannot.”

April knew what would happen if she told him, he wouldn’t go through with the divorce. Could she really be with a man who she forced to stay? Is that what was best for him or her? Jackson was a good man and he would put everything aside for this baby, even if that isn’t what he really wanted. She was not going to complicate this divorce any more than she already had. She was not going to force him to stay with her. She needed time.

Everything from getting dressed to driving to the lawyer’s office happened in a haze. She was on time, a few minutes early even. Yet as she stands outside the large wooden door and reaches for the doorknob, she stops abruptly. It is suddenly very real. She has to face him. She has to sit across from him while a few pieces of paper demolish the last four years of her life. She begins to pace back and forth down the hallway. What if he can see it on her face? What if she blurts it out in the middle of the signing? April stands in front of the door and takes a few deep breathes. I will get through this. I will not cry. I will get through this. For the first time, April knew she would. After all, she wasn’t alone anymore.

#japril #japriledit #jackson x april #jackson and april #april kepner #jackson avery #grey's anatomy #ga #goodbye until tomorrow #goodbye until tomorrow pt 3 #japril fanfiction #fanfic

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ouraidengray4 · 6 years

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I Used to Judge People on Anxiety Meds. Here’s What Changed My Mind

I'll admit to a serious character flaw here: I spent most of my adult life feeling smugly superior to people who took meds for their mental health issues. I thought that anyone who "succumbed" to medication was simply weak and hadn't tried hard enough to find a natural solution.

Growing up, I got stomach aches whenever life was particularly stressful, and racing thoughts kept me from falling asleep at night. At the time, I was just called a worrier—anxiety wasn't a word that got thrown around much in the '90s. Later, I thought I had it under control because I spent my 20s learning meditation and yoga (and pretending that I didn't spend some nights obsessing over the future deaths of my parents to the point of making myself physically ill).

And the truth is, mindfulness really can work for plenty of people.

Many people who deal with mild anxiety are able to manage it proactively by engaging in some kind of mindfulness practice, says Gail Saltz, M.D., associate professor of psychiatry at the NY Presbyterian Hospital Weill-Cornell School of Medicine.