me a couple years ago: *sees posts saying girls obsessed with mlm ships are gross and fetishizing* *can’t put my finger on why i’m always drawn to mlm ships and characters* *feels sick to my stomach with guilt*

me now: *googles top surgery* *has gone through half the steps on the she/her to she/they to they/she to they/them to they/he to he/they to he/him pipeline* *i wish i had been born a boy tiktok sound all over my for you page* *steve harrington gender envy*

Couldn’t help but notice this reblog in a certain recent “queer is a slur” discourse post.

Beyond being ahistorical, it is significant in its third paragraph, which is almost entirely made up with TERF and alt right dog whistles. For anyone who has even a basic idea of what to look for, this blogger has just outright shown their hand.

Let’s start from the beginning of the text I’ve marked in blue:

“a pedophilia and incest apologist”

This is a very handy tactic especially prevalent in alt-right rhetoric these days. It stigmatises anything it is attached to, in this case the person who coined the term “queer theory.” Topics like pedophilia and incest are extremely taboo and emotionally laden, and attaching them to a subject will cause many people to automatically distance themselves from that term out of a semi-instinctive desire to not associate themselves with such things. Spread this attachment widely enough, and you can push entire groups into abandoning terminology, praxis, and people.

For the record, I’m not sure of the source for this claim. The woman who coined the term “queer theory” was Teresa de Laurentis, and I’ve never seen anything by her which tries to excuse pedophilia or incest. She certainly wrote about the gendered nature of incest, but this was in no way laudatory. This may also be a reference to the work of Gloria Anzaldua, who helped further popularize the term. She spoke frankly and openly about her sexual fantasies, many of them of a taboo nature, because of her firm belief in de-stigmatizing discussions about human sexual behaviour. Not only are such fantasies extremely common, they are in no way apologetics for real life abuse, nor do they predict real life behaviour.

“a straight woman with a fetish for gay men”

We’ve gotten to the transphobic dogwhistle now. This is an accusation frequently used against trans men and nonbinary AFAB people, especially those who pursue relationships with men. With the current surge in transphobic public rhetoric, it has received a new breath of life, and trans mlm are currently facing a slew of accusations of being straight women/girls who have just fetishized gay men to the point that they’re trying to “become” gay men/boys themselves (CW: link leads to transphobic hate site genderhq.org). These accusations are even being used in queer circles--including by trans people--to gatekeep who “gets” to write fiction about mlm. Just a week ago, for example, queer writer Alex Marraccini accused indie trans mlm author Ana Mardoll of fetishizing mlm, claiming that Ana’s “fetishistic” writing isn’t nearly as groundbreaking or liberating as the work of real cis gay men.

I’m not sure who the blogger is referring to here as there’s no real consensus on who first used the term “queer studies.” However, I think they may be referring to Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick, who was most certainly not a straight woman. She was queer and came out as a trans man, though as far as I know continued to publicly prefer she/her pronouns (hence my own pronoun use here).

“use intentionally over academic language”

Ah, good old anti-intellectualism. If I can’t understand you, you must be using over-academic language just to confuse me on purpose. This dogwhistle not only gives people an excuse to dismiss anything they don’t understand straight away, it pushes the conspiracy theory that we academics are part of an ivory tower conspiracy to Queer Everything for...reasons (see below).

“to obfuscate that their founding texts and members are Marxists”

Aaaand here we are, the full show of the hand. This blogger is either alt-right or well down the pipeline to becoming one. The old chestnut that These Academics We Disagree With are all secret Marxists is one that is, you guessed it, strongly tied into antisemitism and Nazi conspiracies that push the belief that Karl Marx, Marxism, and Marxists are part of a global Jewish conspiracy that seeks to destroy the West.

And of course we have one more “incest and pedophilia” whistle to round things off, just to doubly ensure that people understandably disgusted by those things attach them to queer theorists.

Anyway, once again I beg the good people of Tumblr to please pay close attention to TERF rhetoric, where it comes from, how it’s used, and the other movements that it is tied to. I am not being a paranoid conspiracist when I say that “queer is a slur” discoursers and “pedophilia and incest” scaremongers and their ilk (including anti-kink discoursers) are tied to TERF rhetoric, which is itself allied increasingly with the alt right. They are telling you this for themselves. Listen to them when they tell you who they are.

oh dear god i have way too many feelings about gottmik dragrace. this is the first time i’ve felt fully represented by someone on tv.

i am a transmasc person with a femme/androgynous side. that femininity is not the femininity of a woman but the femininity of a queer man. think drag queen. i’m a drag artist to my core.

from the inside, that “femininity” doesn’t feel womanly. it feels very draggy and very queer. but to the world, because of the way my AFAB body looks, it just reads as “woman.” and that is the greatest source of my dysphoria.

society—even queer society—forces trans people so heavily into gender roles. trans women have to pass and perform “traditional” femininity to a T to be seen as valid, nonbinary people are seen as fake if they’re not the perfect 50/50 mix of masc and femme, and the same goes for trans men and masculinity. as soon as a trans person is too far out of the box they get labeled as “not a real man/woman/etc” or “just confused.”

i’m a dancer, a singer, a performer. i love makeup and fashion. i’m not a woman in any sense, but performing traditional masculinity just isn’t always authentic for me. i sometimes feel like i have to be someone i’m not to be seen as the gender i am. and drag is a a refuge from that. i didn’t know true gender euphoria until i saw myself in full drag the first time. i almost cried (but u know u gotta save the 2 hours of alien bitch makeup. i’ll cry after the show lmao)

being a GNC trans person is a trip. and gottmik gets it. when she talked about her gender journey on drag race i felt seen and represented for the first time.

let trans people be GNC. we don’t need to fit in your box to be real.

I’ve had quite a weird gender journey throughout my life so far. I won’t go into the details but I’ve socially transitioned at a point, been pressured by family to detransition, detransitioned. Have felt at points comfortable with femininity or being a girl and at points have very strongly felt uncomfortable with those things. It has been wild. Anywho in my head I’ve identified as nonbinary for over two years now. Feel very euphoric being perceived/looking andro and masc, and have some dysphoria but not much/debilitating (can be very uncomfortable with my chest in public but can look in the mirror in private and feel neutral for example)

anywho, I started coming out to close friends and my gf over the past month but holllly shit. I think coming out opened a Pandora’s box of stuff, and I feel much more dysphoric. I also yearn so so much more to look masculine. Like I know I want top surgery and have for a while but now I have a strange want to maybe go on T. This is rlly scary for me, my girlfriend is a lesbian and we’ve been together very happily for two years now. She accepts me as nonbinary but what if my transition ‘wants’ go too far?? What if this is a phase? I simultaneously hope it is and isn’t. I hope it is so I don’t have to potentially lose a relationship and deal with possible social rejection for very publically transitioning. On the other hand I hope it isn’t because it’s scary to think that a feeling so strong could just go away. Like if it could just go away could it just come back again?? What if it came back much later in life where I’m more settled and it would be more of a pain in the ass to transition? I feel kinda scared. I want to look like a man so badly these days.

has anyone else’s experienced this pandora box phenomenon? Does anyone else feel anxious about how being trans might impact a long term relationship?? I guess I’m just looking for comfort in other peoples shared experiences. Thanks for reading my anon

being trans can definitely impact relationships, especially romantic ones. that’s something i struggled to accept when i first came to terms with it.

i hope that this doesn’t cause many problems for you, however, and hope your girlfriend is able to support you.

best of luck!

Interesting to read yer response to that last ask about yer history exploring gender + transitioning. I guess it’s p relatable to me even tho I think we feel somewhat differently about our own gender. I’ve always felt a very strong internal sense of gender, it’s quite clear to me and it’s definitely not neutral, it’s quite intense. I’ve identified as nonbinary for a long time. But I’ve found the closer I’ve gotten to being in touch with it, the more confused and unwelcoming the rest of the world has become. So I spend all this time thinking about how im perceived and how to navigate that and balancing what I internally want vs trying to manage reactions to me. This is where I see our similarities. It’s gotten especially bad recently as I’ve felt a new connection to manhood and I’ve wanted to explore that but I’ve felt the backlash way stronger cause I feel like people feel much more confident to tell me that I’m failing being a man than being nonbinary. So it’s getting to the point of like, what even is being a man. (Feels like failure is a pretty core aspect of it lol) Like you talk about making these choices to join queer men’s space, which is where I’d feel the most connected to manhood, but I feel like I’d have to make pretty big changes to how I move through the world gender wise to be even allowed or welcomed there. I don’t feel an apathy like you describe, but I can totally see how this constant weighing of expressing yerself vs being seen how you want would end up in apathy

I don't know your situation, but I'd give those queer men's spaces a shot. A lot of them are far less transphobic than you've been conditioned to think. There are trans men in the queer men's spaces around you, there are people who are read as cis gay men who are themselves very much not so, everybody's fucking pansexual and nonbinary these days it's fucking crazy dog. besides, what transphobic bias does exist against trans mascs in men's spaces is so fuckin mild compared to what trans women typically confront in wlw spaces. the worst i've ever had happen to me was someone befriend me on the dancefloor and then helpfully recommend that we all head to a lesbian bar. and he wasn't even being insincere, he just didnt know what kind of person he was talking to. beyond that it's been like a total nonissue even long before i passed. so you should give it a shot, you will learn more about yourself and other people from it. and it has generally for me been pretty positive!

the problem is. finding acceptance into the little gendered club meant there was still a whole lot of Gender there. and i'm so sick of it. this is also an asexuality thing for me too. im so fed up of people being into my body or my appearance. im so sick of the obsession with bodies and appearances and the gendered projections made onto those things. it grosses me out so much. i just feel like putty that everybody's hands have been all over. im so sick of people trying to leave their mark on me.

I’ve been struggling how to word this, and I’m sure it sounds terrible, but I don’t have much sympathy for de trans ppl. I’m not saying they deserve it or that I’m happy some suffered, especially if they’re young but it’s really difficult to hold sympathy and concern when most trans ppl are very obnoxious and delusional. Let me explain: I have a lot of trans friends that it’s very difficult to get them to listen and they’re very stuck in their mindset. I know a guy who looks like a man, calls himself nonbinary and has said he uses the woman bathroom. He takes estrogen and use to have a big beard. I asked him why he wasn’t shaving before and he said his beard doesn’t cause him dysphoria….it seems like a lot of trans ppl are very narcissistic and don’t listen anyway. It’s like when you’re trying to help someone and they keep rejecting you and falling deeper. I am worried one of my friends will definitely de transition in the future, and by then well, it’s gonna be too late, the testosterone has done its damage and she will suffer. I read the de trans subreddit, and I do feel sorry for some and most talk about isolating themselves from family and friends. sorry this is getting long. I feel bad about it, and I’m trying to hard to emphasize but many trans ppl make it difficult. It feels like a massive “I told you so” situation. Please give me advice on how to develop a kinder understanding so I can stop feeling guilty…..

So I wanted to take my time to answer this one because I think this taps into an especially heinous thing the modern left + social media has done to people and it’s the belief that a good person has endless empathy for everyone always and has special empathy for marginalized people.

But here’s the truth. You literally aren’t built for it. At the most basic psychological level you are not designed to have deep empathy for strangers. Your brain has a hierarchy of how much you care about others and a healthy mind prioritizes the people closest to you. More importantly, love and empathy are finite. You actually do have a limit on how many people you can truly care about. That’s not my opinion it’s proven science. We have a literal number (I think it’s about 80).

So it’s a beautiful thing when we care about people outside of our circle. It’s even more beautiful when we care about people far away that aren’t like us. But it’s beautiful precisely because it isn’t natural. It’s a conscious effort to care enough about earthquake victims on the other side of the planet to donate and raise awareness.

My point being that it’s okay that you don’t overflow with love for a group that is hostile towards you AND is full of narcissistic trenders. You can have sympathy for the people that regret surgery without absolving them. And maybe I intuitively understood this because I had to love so many addicts growing up. But empathy doesn’t mean never holding people accountable. It breaks my heart that my aunt has emphysema but she brought that fate on herself, one cigarette at a time. You can have sympathy for people with genuine dysphoria and still think they’re deluded. You can have sympathy for people that were brainwashed as kids and still expect them to examine their values. And you can think others are just self absorbed assholes. You can condemn the patriarchy for convincing so many young that they are worthless that they are choosing the Trans man path and still hold them accountable for throwing around homophobic slurs. You can have sympathy for trans women that are fighting sepsis from bottom surgery and still regard most of them as sex pests.

Empathy is finite. It is not on or off. It is not something we owe to a person because they are struggling.

Treat the people around you with kindness and respect. Pour your energy into a few meaningful things instead of dozens of empty ‘causes’. Torturing yourself over if you feel nice enough on the inside is so…Catholic. It’s female socialization.

Breathe. You’re a good person.

Hey Besties! I kinda hate to do this but, I need a lil help.

So basically my parents aren’t helping at all with my Testosterone. And College is costing me a shit ton along with it. And being swamped with classes, I don’t have the time to work a job without failing everything. So if y’all could help me with a somewhat monthly bill I’d appreciate it greatly.

Also? Does anyone know how to have two go fund me’s? I had one for Top Surgery I was gonna add as well, but once I created this new one it deleted 😞.

thank you guys sincerely! And I’m sorry if you see this spammed for months and years on end. I haven’t had time yet to try out any Voice acting things so so far theirs no income Via that.

Again I’m severely sorry to any of my followers who are bothered by these. I’m gonna gonna add a tag called Mr-Walkingrainbow funds so if you want to filter these out just do that

Thinking about the headcanon that Della and Donald are both trans and they took each others names as kids.

I’d like to imagine it started as pretending to be each other when they were really young. Like, “let’s swap places today” because they’re twins. And they can.

Something about being seen as the opposite gender had them confused and yet excited. For kids, they don’t tend to overcomplicate stuff like gender, and so they probably just thought “it feels better to be a boy/girl, so I should be one”

At first, people thought it was just some funny play pretend thing that the twins would get over in a week, but they persisted with it.

I think that Della would be much more adamant about the name swap. If anybody called either of them the wrong name, she would be quick to correct them. Donald would probably shrug it off and act like it didn’t bother him, even if it did.

After awhile, people started to just accept it. Since the two seemed like they really liked it, why not just allow them this? It’s not hurting anyone, and it makes them happy. That was what mattered.

As they grew up, they found it quite easy to simply excuse the names on their records as “a mistake”, since “that’s my bother’s name.” — or they would tell people that their birth certificates got mixed up in the hospital.

It was almost like some kind of long running joke the two had. Yet at the end of the day, it went much deeper than humour. They felt so much more comfortable and confident in themselves after changing genders.

Everyone realized this fact too. Clearly it is much more than a silly scheme done by mischievous children. Clearly they genuinely feel good with this change. And certainly, as the two would come to know later on, there is a term for feeling this way. Not only that, but a community too.

Nearing adulthood, the two understand their identities far more than they could ever as children.

Della sees herself as a transfem nonbinary person. Mostly, she’s chill with her gender. It doesn’t really matter to her what she’s seen as, as long as it’s not a man. She would be fine with lots of different pronouns, but mostly uses she/they.

Donald would be a lot more strict with what he wants to be seen as. I can imagine him identifying as purely trans male with he/him pronouns. To him, if there’s not a solid identity to cling onto, it will make him feel like he’s nothing. Which, to Della, would be okay. But to Donald… he can’t.

Of course this leaves plenty of plot holes, such as how Della could have had the kids, but hey. I’m not a magician. This is a silly headcanon for my own enjoyment! Sit down and eat my trans autistic twin propaganda and LIKE IT!

Being non-binary has been such an isolating experience for me

For me, being non-binary is being haunted by my quinceañera picture hanging on the wall, because I know I will never be “her”

How can you be someone when that “girl” never really existed? “She” was just a camouflage, for THEY were trying to be the perfect Mexican “daughter” everyone wanted

But at the same time I know I will never be “him” either, no matter how hard I try… and I tried! I forced myself to identify as a trans man for years because I felt like that was the only way I could be valid

I use they/he pronouns is because gender is a performance and I would rather be seen as a man than as a woman, but also because I’m holding on as tight as I can to that “he,” because people find that pronoun set more palatable than just they/them

I’m definitely not “her” but I’m not 100% “him” either… I’m just me… and just being me has never been enough for anyone

Being non-binary is so isolating because so many few people actually see me for who I am, both strangers and close ones alike

To this day I have not explicitly told my family I am non-binary since coming out as a trans man to them was hard enough, and I’m exhausted

I don’t fit in with the girls, and even though I am masculine presenting I don’t really fit in with the boys either, so where do I fit in? Do I even fit in ANYWHERE?

If women are from Venus and men are from Mars then I’m a lone star in the vastness of space, far away from my galaxy full of other nonbinary stars

I want to scream into a black hole because I am in pain, but how can a star scream when it has no mouth?

At least I hope I’m not the only star stranded far away in the Delta quadrant

My only hope is to either go supernova or be rescued by Captain Janeway… but Kathryn my beloved won’t get here until the 24th century so I guess I have to be patient and wait

Trans rambles because I am trans therefore everyone in twisted wonderland is trans (they can’t escape me)

Riddle is trans masc genderfluid or trans fem genderfluid, it can really go either way with him. Would be a She/He enjoyer

Cater is just a trans guy. I don’t make the rules. Got top surgery and started T as soon as he could. Since he’s 18 (and I’m going off American law), he probably started puberty blockers really early and started T with his moms consent. He’s just living his best life

Leona is trans fem or trans masc. You can pick whichever you like best

Ruggie is a trans man I’m dying on this hill. He couldn’t afford puberty blockers but in my headcannon Leona is giving him some money for his transition. He pays for his hormone therapy and the needles he needs. In the version that Leona is trans masc probably gave him a hand-me down binder. His grandma really doesn’t care, coming out to her was easy “Hey grandma I’m trans” “that’s great now go grab my cigarettes”

All of the octo trio are trans because they’re my favorites and this in the highest honor I can give them.

Azul is nonbinary (he/they), he’s simple.

Jade is trans fem agender, they are in charge of making sure Floyd takes his T, otherwise he’d forget. They are on estrogen themself and Floyd calls them boob pills

Floyd is a trans guy because he is my favorite character and he just like me fr. Either doesn’t bind at all and does not care or forgets to take off his binder and wonders why his chest hurts all the time. That binder also needs to be WASHED. It is holding on for dear life. Jade helps Floyd take his T because Floyd can’t be trusted around sharp objects

The Tweels mom and dad didn’t care that much either. Idk what the merfolks view of gender is so you can make it up yourself. But I like to think that they don’t really care

Jamil is trans fem but hasn’t come out to her parents yet. Wants to fully transition but hasn’t been able too. Is a trans girl that wants to watch the world burn and I am in love with her. Send love to your local trans woman today

Vil is also Trans fem but could probably make her own estrogen if she really wanted too but going to a doctor is much safer and she has the means to do so. Trans lesbian, you can’t fight me on this I’m literally Yana

I DONT KNOW WHAT ROOK IS BUT HE IS QUEER. That is a queer guy, either by sexuality or gender. I don’t know what he is but we gotta find out NOEW. He can’t keep getting away with this

Epel is a trans guy, his story has trans vibes going through them. With the whole looking like a girl and wanting to be more manly. He’s on puberty blockers but Vil is working out with his family to get him on T. Probably has him a high testosterone diet to help out. Her and Rook definitely teach Epel everything he’d need to know to transition. (Found family goes brrrr), his family is supportive just more confused than anything. They love and support him they just don’t have the money to help him get that far in his transition

Idia is a sweaty trans masc nonbinary xeno pronoun user. Doesn’t use his xeno pronouns in real life but uses them online. He/they/it pronouns and Glitch/Glitchself Code/Codeself xeno pronoun user. He came out recently to his family so they are a bit confused but they have enough money to help his transition. Ortho makes sure he takes off his binder so he doesn’t hurt himself with it and reminds him to take his medication (both hormone blockers and anxiety medication)

Ortho is a robot, but he uses xeno pronouns like his brother to make him feel better. He’s a sweet little guy who loves his brother not much to say

Malleus is a trans woman because twisted wonderland is good but they need more trans women. Idk what fae culture thinks about gender but they probably don’t care that much. Malleus can probably transition through magic but just doesn’t want to. She doesn’t have body dysphoira just social dysporia other than that she’s doing just fine

Lilia is nonbinary just cause he’s a silly little guy. Nonbinary (he/him), just a silly guy

Crewel is an older trans guy and queer guy. Definitely has knowledge about trans laws and informs his trans students of them. Wants Crowley to add a gender studies class but we all know how useful Crowley is

Sam is a trans guy, why you may ask? Because Sam is like one of the most common names trans guys pick. That or he’s nonbinary. Transitioned a long time ago, is open about it and helps out NRC’s trans/queer students when he can. Sells binders and feminine clothing

How would this work if NRC is an all boys college? I dunno and I don’t care so don’t make a comment questioning it. This is for the fun of it. I also have headcannons about what mental disorder some twst characters might have so that might be my next post. Psychology is a special interest of mine and you can’t escape me talking about it

Thank you tri-state area 

I’m in a weird place lately. Prolly mostly the stress of a busy weekend and being on my own for a while, but it has me doing a lot of navel-gazing. I wouldn’t call it… anxiety, per se, but my brain’s been kinda caught on the notion of… whether or not I have the right to exist outside of my niche as an artist and person.

I know, the knee-jerk response is “yes, of course, everyone has that right,” it’s certainly something I’ll jump to defend for others, but in practice I guess I’ve felt… othered. The problem with putting yourself out there is, you put your WHOLE self out there, and that means the reactions are gonna be to the real you, not your act, not your facade. I own that as best as I can, but man, the fear that people can look at the most authentic you and go “go away, actually, you belong in your little corner, nowhere else” is rough.

Whether or not what I create isn’t someone’s cup of tea- and I’m a Niche Furry Artist Who Sometimes Does Kink Stuff, what I do isn’t gonna be plenty of people’s cups of tea- I’ve always gone at things with the philosophy of “well, I keep to myself the things that aren’t for you, with the hope that you’ll not judge me on things that aren’t for you to begin with,” and I think that’s how people should act just… in general, but… people don’t.

I know a lot of this hooks into the wider communities I’m a part of- queer folks, neurodivergent folks, trans and nonbinary folks, we have a lot of struggles when it comes to just… being taken as we are, without judgement, and god knows there’s a lot of infighting even within those communities, so it could be this is just… part of living the life I live, but I dunno. I guess it gets tiring, sometimes, dealing with that shadow of doubt hanging over you, that worry that people don’t see you as a person- they just see you as the most easily ridiculed aspect they think they can boil you down to.

I wish there was a point to any of what I’m saying here, but there really isn’t. I guess maybe, for folks who have had the same doubts or who think I’m someone who has this all… figured out or whatever, you see that it’s still a battle no matter how far you’ve come, and that’s okay.

I’ll bounce back, and so will you. Always do.

lly

@transmascrage​

Yeah so I can’t reblog this post and OP has me blocked lmao. But I’ll always take the chance to shit on Whipping Girl. 

I don’t know/remember the particular paragraph in question -- I’m actually only halfway through the book. But I can tell you first and foremost what OP has written here is a bullshit maneuver to make everything about trans women. Let’s break it down.

‘Transmasc erasure’ is a tool to continue othering trans women and prevent the normalizations of transness in general.

Transmasc erasure in quotes could either be “scare quotes” meaning a way to exaggerate the importance of a thing, an attempt to mock the idea of something existing, or an attempt to quote the verbage used by other people. With such a short post I’m uncertain which, though I lean towards the mocking/scaremongering version. 

Transmasc erasure is used to other trans women. Once again, this post is shorter than the average tweet so it’s hard to get a lot of nuance here. On the one hand, a good faith interpretation would run along the lines of “this problem that one particular subset of trans folks face actually also hurts others as well” buuuut it’s hard to read this in such good faith, you know? Bringing in the context of the rest of the post, it feels like it should be read more like “lol you think transmasc erasure hurts you so badly well what about”isms. 

Transmasc erasure prevents the normalization of transness in general. The only actual good take in this shitpost. Sadly it’s burdened down by all the bullshit. 

All right, but I was tagged because Whipping Girl got brought up. So what have I learned thus far in the painful journey of reading and dissecting Serano’s work?

First, Serano is fucking transandrophobic. 

She speaks at length about how trans men have an easier time transitioning because the medical gatekeeping tends to be kinder on men than women. She explicitly states in chapter seven (emphasis mine):

In 1969, Money (and coauthors) discussed the results of tests they had administered to transsexuals to measure their feminine and masculine tendencies. The authors praised trans men for giving answers that were “masculine,” but not any more “masculine” than those of the average cissexual man. At no time did the authors consider the possibility that the trans men’s unexaggerated masculine responses were made possible by the fact that most gatekeepers, being male themselves, understood that there was more than one way to be a man. In contrast, trans women were derided for having scores that were higher on the feminine range than that of the average woman.

This segment is taken from part of the book where she talks about how trans women have to perform femininity in order to transition and how support groups will share questions and answers in order to fit into the “proper” mold so they can receive HRT and other gender affirming care. 

But wait a damn minute. Trans men do this too. Hell, it’s super common, not just in trans specific medical care that to be taken seriously by medical gatekeepers that you have to find other people in similar situations and learn the script. But let’s not focus on that. Just the trans men not needing to follow a script to get care. 

And in case you think nonbinary and agender or gender neutral folks are left alone in Whipping Girl (emphasis again mine):

There are many different strategies that trans people may use to ease their gender dissonance. Perhaps the most common one is trying to suppress or deny one’s subconscious sex. Others may allow their subconscious sex to come to the surface occasionally, for example through either crossdressing or role-playing. Still others may come to see themselves as bigendered (having a mixture of both femininity and masculinity and/or femaleness and maleness), gender-fluid (moving freely between genders), or genderqueer (identifying outside of the male/female gender binary). And those of us who make the choice to live as the sex other than the one we were assigned at birth are commonly called transsexuals.

Yeah no, she literally, explicitly says IN CHAPTER ONE that nonbinary, genderfluid, and genderqueer identities are a result of only partially expressing one’s subconscious sex. Because that’s how she’s experienced her transness. From denying, to cross-dressing, to nonbinary to a binary trans woman. And because she experienced things a certain way, she holds this to be true throughout the rest of her book. 

Whipping Girl came out in 2007. It was written in 2005. It’s outdated to say the least, even if it was any good in 2007, which I have my own feelings about (they’re negative). If there is a single paragraph about transmasc erasure in Whipping Girl that blows away my entire understanding of the book as being transandrophobic, exorsexist bilk built upon half-baked research, racism, and the personal experiences of a college-educated, middle-class white woman, then I look forward to reading it. 

But sorry, right now I don’t see it. 

As for the claim that transmasc erasure can be used to other trans women and trans femme aligned folks... yeah. Trans women being at the forefront of the public’s mind when it comes to transgender issues hurts trans women because they are so closely scrutinized. 

Doesn’t mean it doesn’t still hurt trans men or masc people, and it doesn’t mean that you can throw it as some gotcha card if trans spaces are criticized for prioritizing trans women and femme people or trans men or masculine people. 

Anyway tl;dr stop hiding behind Serano she’s a shitty gen trans advocate and should not be taken seriously when talking about trans masculine or nonbinary or nonwhite experiences. I wonder if this is what you were looking for Andrea? 

I really hate Whipping Girl and the way it gets used to belittle trans masculine experiences. And the fact that Serano is just. aldkjf exorsexist. 

To the nonbinary anon who is thinking abt saying your a trans man:

Hi!! I’m in a similar situation. I have actually decided to take the step to come out as a trans man, so I can begin the medically transition I need to survive. This has been a hard decision for me, and it’s one that i’ve only recently been able to decide on, because I am now so comfortable in my identity. I’ve always been one to say “I don’t care what others think of me! I know myself best, so other people can’t change my mind”. Which, is a mindset I understand not everyone can share. But I think at the core of it, this all comes down to how comfortable and familiar you are with yourself. Gender is a complicated thing! It’s OK to change how you describe yourself, as you get to know you better. I used to identify as a trans man, before I realised I was non binary. And now it feels a bit strange to slip on that cover again as I seek medical transition, I will admit.

For me, I have gotten this comfortable in myself by listening to others, and making art. I used to struggle with unlearning transmedicalism, too. It stunted my growth as a non binary person. but in discovering more diverse voices on youtube, podcasts, etc, my mind truly opened. Not just in accepting the wide spectrum of all trans people, but in how it all interconnects. Listen to trans and non binary people with intersectional identities! You will learn so much. And the feeling of joy I got seeing just how many different ways non binary can be all over the worlds, it is wonderful. 

And in these past few years, I have really taken to art. creating my own, as a way of self expression. Drawing, face paint, makeup: all ways I express myself. Translating my being into different forms of art has helped me better understand myself. Again, not for everyone, I understand. But if you are into art, maybe try some abstract artworks. Some questions I turned into drawings are: “Who am I now vs. who do I want to become? Why do I love myself?”

While I will be putting “transgender man” down on official papers, I still have been out to my wonderful friends about being non binary. I agree with Lee that it is an important step in unlearning transmedicalism. Personally though, I accepted myself as non binary in my head, before I told my friends the truth. It is hard to explain what my gender means to me. I just don’t think words are enough sometimes! I wish I could have better words to explain how I came to this point of self-acceptance. Just try not to be too hard on yourself for not figuring everything out right away!

Because ultimately, your safety does indeed come first. Being in places where non binary identity isn’t well understood, it can feel like a lot of pressure to be a role model. At least for me, I can’t handle explaining to everyone I meet what it means to be non binary, and answer all the questions. It sucks, because having non binary people who are out, is an essential part of acceptance for our community. But we must keep in mind our own personal limits. It is understandable to feel guilty in this decision. But understand that it is not your fault our societies are this way, and we must do what we can to survive. 

I have hope that there *will* come a future where we are accepted and loved by this planet. We have already come so far, although it can be disheartening to remember that in the face of such vocal hate. But we cannot allow ourselves to be drowned by it. You are far from alone, anon. Wishing you peace and prosperity!! <3

(in response to this post)

Lee says:

Thank you for your reply-- as a sidenote, I'd like to mention that it isn't always necessary to pretend to be a binary trans man to access medical transitioning.

Anon may feel like it is necessary to do so in their situation and I am not saying that they are wrong for doing so. But I'd like followers who have not yet started the process of medical transition to know that it can be possible to do so while out as non-binary.

I personally have been out as genderqueer to my mental health letter-writing providers and medical providers throughout my process of getting T, getting top surgery, a hysterectomy, and phalloplasty. I can't say that all of my doctors actually understood that I'm non-binary as many did refer to me as a trans man, but despite that bit of erasure, I wasn't actively hiding my gender identity and it is mentioned in my WPATH letters of support.

While it will depend on where you live and which doctors/providers you see, there are folks who medically transition while openly identifying as non-binary.

After so many years wishing I could be straight, one would think it might come as a relief to identify that way now. But it’s not. Heterosexuality is more isolating than I ever imagined it could be.

Being trans, I’m not straight enough for the general population. Most of them still think of me as a lesbian. But I’m too straight for most queers. It would be funny if it wasn’t so lonely; I’m an outsider among outsiders.

Sometimes they try to exclude me, or sometimes they make comments that aren’t intended to hurt but hurt nonetheless. And sometimes they do make an active effort to include me, which is wonderful, but… I still feel alone.

I don’t fit in with my cisgender sapphic friends anymore. I was one of them, but then I left. I know what I’ve lost with them; the community, the sense of belonging. And I’ve gained a lot too, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling like an alien.

I don’t fit in with my nonbinary friends. They’re the ones who are Queer, with a capital Q. They have short, dyed hair, and interesting names, and pronoun pins on their backpacks, lesbian earrings or bisexual phone cases. They’re unapologetically queer, and although heterosexuality is queer when I do it, it’s not quite queer enough to seem like one of them.

I don’t fit in with my transmasculine friends. Most of them are gay, and the few who aren’t gay are bi. It’s become almost an inside joke between them, their path from a cis lesbian to a gay trans man. It’s not their intention, but sometimes the way they talk about that pipeline makes it seem like it’s a universal transmasculine experience. Sometimes I wonder when I’ll finish moving through my pipeline, when I would start liking men. This wasn’t where my path ended, was it? With me as a straight man? That was an outlier.

It was always like this growing up. Me, surrounded by a group of people who shared my gender, but they all talked about being attracted to boys, and I was the only one who didn’t feel that way. The odd one out. It’s a different gender now, but the same old story. My friends of the same gender liked men, and I didn’t, and I would start to wonder what was wrong with me. Wish and wish and wish I could find something, the hint of feelings for men, and never find anything.

I’ve followed this “lesbian to gay trans man” pipeline far enough that I’m no longer a lesbian, but I haven’t reached the “gay” part of “gay trans man.” I never will.

I’m not a woman who loves women, I’m not a man who loves men, and my gender doesn’t fit with the other queers who said “none of the above.” I’m just me. Not straight enough to be truly straight, too straight to be truly queer. An outsider among outsiders.

Bruh it’s so true what you said about nonbinary as a label cuz that would assume that there is a binary. There’s no binary when it comes to gender or sex. Literally fucking “man” and “woman” are nonbinary cuz there is no fucking binary to begin with. “Male” and “Female” aren’t binary sexes cuz intersex variations literally exist and not everyone is born XX or XY. There is no fucking binary, surly I’m not the only one that this makes sense to

YUP.

Before I get into this I want to say I’ve heard intersex people saying they don’t want to be brought up in this argument (I think because it can feel to them like they’re just a talking point, and their rights are often forgotten in conversations about trans rights- eg. the argument “no children are being forced to go on hormones” is true for endosex kids, but not for intersex kids (whether they’re trans or cis).

I don’t mention that to shut you down or anything, I only bring it up because I’m not intersex (as far as I know, I’ve never had my chromosomes tested) and I’m trying to be as inclusive as possible when making arguments that sex isn’t binary. My rights and needs are aligned with the rights and needs of intersex people but I also recognize that they have rights and needs that differ from mine and I want to support them and elevate their voices whenever possible.

I want to acknowledge that there are multiple definitions of what “intersex” means- some that define it merely as having different sets of chromosomes and others that define it more broadly as “ people born with atypical and stigmatised sex characteristics that do not meet stereotypical expectations for men or women.” I think that second definition is good and more inclusive but I also want to point out that it relies on the idea that there is a “norm”.

For example, most medical establishments don’t consider PCOS to be intersex, but many people with PCOS consider themselves intersex. The point I’m trying to make here is that all of this is based on the idea of a “norm” existing, and that means that someone (a biased human being) has to decide what that norm is.

So some of what I’m about to talk about may be considered intersex, and while I’m trying to avoid using that community as a talking point I also think it’s important to talk about the flawed way that science discusses sex and sex differentiation in general, and it’s difficult to do that while completely avoiding anything that might be considered intersex for someone, given the breadth of definitions the term has.

Some of the people with the traits described below may be considered intersex and some others would not. The reality is that biological sex differentiation doesn’t stop after birth, and our bodies can develop in a variety of ways that align our needs with the needs of the intersex community regardless of whether or not we were categorized that way at birth.

One example of this is that genitals exist on a spectrum- there is no either or, they start from the same tissue and what they end up looking like just depends on how much hormone exposure they had and what hormones they were exposed to. It’s not scientifically a binary. Like. It’s not. It’s a genital spectrum. So what determines the cut off of “atypical”? How does a doctor decide that someone is so “atypical” that they should be categorized as intersex when they are born? The answer is it’s arbitrary.

Beyond that, even the effect that hormones have on you depends heavily on what kinds of receptors you have, how efficient those receptors are, where they are, and how dense they are where they exist, and these effects may not be visible until long after birth during puberty.

This gives rise to the wide variety of ways that hormones can affect the body regardless of chromosomes or anything else- there are cis, endosex men with xy chromosomes who have less body hair than I had before I transitioned, and there are cis endosex women with more body hair and a nicer beard than any of the grown men I know.

For people that study sexual development it is notoriously hard to use biological features to categorize sex in a way that gives reliable medical information. And this is where I’m about to talk about some things that are under the intersex umbrella for sure, but which are also used by medical professionals and scientists when defining sex.

Most people don’t have their chromosomes tested, and even if you have the chromosomes expected for your AGAB it’s possible that another gene won’t express the protein needed to trigger gonad development.

Or you can have the expected chromosomes and all the other necessary genes being expressed and forming functional proteins, so your gonads match your chromosomes, but your gonads don’t produce hormones, or you don’t produce the receptors needed for your body to respond to those hormones, so your genitals and secondary sex characteristics (body hair, breasts, ect) don’t develop in the direction some people would expect based on your chromosomes.

Functionally I would say what matters medically is for all people, intersex or endosex: what body parts do you have, what organs do you have, and what hormones are you dominant with? And none of those questions are answered definitively by the question: are you male or female? Imo that question obscures a lot of important information and likely leads to a lot of medical mistreatment. But beyond that none of it is relevant to the social categories “Male” and “female”.

Like, what even is my “biological sex”? I don’t know what my chromosomes are, I haven’t been tested. I know I have ovaries, but my body is testosterone dominant and it has been for years. If I want effective medical care that’s the information my doctor needs, and “I’m biologically female” doesn’t tell them that.

Finally I just want to say that I’m extremely open to criticism from the intersex community. If you are intersex and you feel that this discussion uses you as a talking point or otherwise misrepresents you please let me know and I will happily change it or take it down.

You don’t even need to openly reply or message me if you don’t feel comfortable doing that, you can send me an anon ask to tell me the issues you have with it. I won’t publish the ask if you don’t want me to.

Realistically there are far more intersex people in the world than we know, because chromosomal testing doesn’t happen unless something seems “wrong” (in quotes because sometimes this just means that society considers it atypical regardless of whether it is harmful to the individuals health.). There are cis men walking around with ovaries and penises and testosterone dominant bodes that will never know, and that’s just one example.

strange thing is that i identify so much still with the Experience of being a woman, with femininity, but i do not want to be a girl nor be seen as one, but i also dont want to be seen as identical to cis men because that feels diminishing of the life ive had to live and still do live

but i also despise the way t*rfs treat this experience of myself and many other trans men/transmascs as some kind of gotcha against trans people and transfems

like no, it is not woke to treat me as if i am identical to cis men and therefore become automatically misogynistic & benefit from the patriarchy, because i dont and likely never will, i don’t desire to pass perfectly as a cishet man, i desire to always be visibly queer and therefore i will probably always be seen as “lesser” than cis men, even non-passing. i will always carry the trauma of living 20 years of my life as a girl and the other 2, so far, being non-passing trans and still assumed female by Every stranger ever.

but this experience and desire of mine isn’t an excuse to rip on trans women for being “””socialized male””” and therefore not “””really women”””. 

i wish i knew how to articulate this weird feeling i have about myself, maybe it’s part of being nonbinary for me, but i don’t think i’ll ever be able to disconnect from being afab/living a majority of my life as a girl, even if i want to be seen as a boy now. it’s part of why i really identify with “funny” terms like girlboy or joke about being a fujoshi, or still refer to hanging out with my female friends as girls night. its just like Really hard to completely disconnect from the fact that 20 years of my life were spent being a girl

i usually categorize in my head as similar to how cis gay men tend to act about femininity/female friendship, but i think that’s underselling how much more visceral it is for me as a trans gay man. to desire to be on par with cis gay men in terms of how i’m viewed, to enjoy femininity from the perspective of being a man -- dumb things like playing female characters in video games, stanning female celebrities, referring to myself as girlie/one of the girls -- but knowing that i Have lived as a woman makes it feel a lot different.

i don’t dislike it. i view it as an integral part of myself. but that’s in the quiet of my own thoughts, or in the cushy space of online trans existence. when i’m outside, around other people - mostly cis people - it feels like it’s something i should be ashamed of. Like i should be striving to be perfectly cishet passing.

not sure if any of this makes sense. im just saying shit fr. point of the post is im a girl boy. i look like this with he/him in my bio and whatever