i usually like to stay quiet on all things discourse related but i really feel like i have to say something about this: it's not "pathologizing" for neurodivergent people to recognise themselves in fictional characters

Okay but when are we gonna ditch the empath "special little star with too much love" narrative for hyperempathy cause as someone with fluctuating but often hyperempathy it absolutely isn't like that and NT empath types hated me and insisted I didn't have real empathy at all cause it never manifested like that unless I was trying to act the part (which was never genuine)

Hyperempathy in autistics often looks like:

-personifying inanimate objects. A lot of autistic people tend to hoard things/struggle to throw things out or get rid of things because we get attached to an object and assume it has feelings like we do.

-Not having a clear grasp on the difference between humans and animals. Example growing up I was really confused when people saw dogs as pets and not being the same as human children cause because other than obvious physical differences I treated them similarly to how I'd treat a human family member. I also felt really bad when i remembered meat used to be an animal when I was a kid and struggled to eat sometimes.

-strong reactions to fictional media/getting more attached to fictional characters than real people. For most of my childhood I was heavily isolated and disconnected from other people who were rarely vulnerable with me so I had nothing about them I could empathize with but fictional characters were accessible and showed clear emotions and I could connect with them for real (this is also why many autistic systems are fictive heavy) but also even when I don't personally connect to a character I tend to get really emotional about anything emotional in a piece of media when I'm having hyperempathy. So I'd cry through a movie and then be like oh lmao idc much abt it afterwards and stuff like that.

-strong reactions to other people's pain that seem (and can genuinely be) misplaced or insensitive. If someone cried around me I'd also start crying I often would react inappropriately to someone else's problem (and then have to take care of those emotions before I can be supportive) in ways that were "making it about me" and seemed really rude or pathetic. This is one of those traits that can be toxic if completely unchecked.

Like hyperempathy doesn't look or act like neurotypical empathy and people with it are just as likely to be labeled low or no empathy by allistics because of this and imo it has just as many downsides as being low empathy does they're both traits that come with benefits and negatives and can be debilitating in some situations.

Just wanted to reach out because you seem open to discussion, and I want to get a better understanding of narcissism so more people have compassion for those who feel it is a stigmatized struggle.

So I was abused badly growing up. And when I open up about how a certain man treated me to people like my therapist, even she will do things like say, “sounds like a narcissist”, to which my brain now associates that mental illness with negativity (in the same way it does to psychopaths and sociopaths). Even though you can’t *help* the way that you are, it’s just how you’re wired.

But when I was younger, I also struggled with mental illness, some of it being harmful to myself, and I won’t get into details since it might be triggering. And did mental health professionals validate me? For the most part, no. I felt stigmatized, I was told I was ungrateful and doing it for attention, and people felt bad for my abusers and how I reacted, not the abuse itself. The way I was treated was overlooked, because the way I reacted was “extreme and wrong” by neurotypical standards.

Basically, what I’m saying is that while I have different mental struggles, I really want to understand and empathize with the way the world treats you over how your mind functions. I have been there to some degree, and I’m sorry that society and even many mental health professionals invalidate what you go through.

It’s not your fault, and I wish you the best.

I haven't actually been diagnosed with NPD and I don't know enough about it to self diagnose. If you're looking for information from people with NPD, there are other blogs run by people with NPD that would be better for that.

I mostly created this blog because I regularly witness abuse being normalized by society and people only see a problem with abuse when a mentally ill person does it. I've experienced many of the things that get labeled as "narcissistic abuse" and I've witnessed other people experience it so many times, and so many people seem to side with the abuser and blame the victim. Only when the word "narcissist" is used do they suddenly realize how abusive the actions are.

Also, while I may or may not have a personality disorder, I'm definitely neurodivergent. And I refuse to sit back and watch other neurodivergent people be demonized. As an autistic person, I know what it's like to have people like me be labeled as disrespectful of boundaries while neurotypical people proudly disrespect boundaries on a regular basis and are praised for it. While the phrase "autistic abuse" isn't used the same way "narcissistic abuse" is, it very easily could be.

Mental health professionals can be very ignorant. Many of them, when they were kids, were the first to bully someone for being weird. They then think they're saints just for tolerating neurodivergent people's presence.

(serious post) talking bout things i need to.

alright, this isnt going to be some "oh haha funni" post like i always do. i need to speak out or it feels like no one else will. you can not read this if you want, i just want to talk about them. (organized into paragraphs) there will be triggering topics i'll speak about and ill try to trigger them appropriately.

theres a surplus of youtubers who react to "fat tiktok" and its never any positivity. these videos get hundreds of thousands of views, and im pretty sure no one sees whats wrong with it. i am considered to be in a "plus size" range, and the videos fucking hurt. its stupid because the whole idea of that side of tiktok is to show that being okay with not being barbie is okay, and its always judged negatively. no, im not fucking over reacting when theres videos talking about how that entire side of tiktok should be gone. yes, there are toxic parts on that side, but i dont tell you to get off youtube or whatever your on because something you like has a toxic part of it. its fucking stupid that these guys (its like all guys) think they have the right to look at these videos and call them cringe over and over and over and then think theyve made a good video or done a good job. i agree, promoting obesity isnt that good a thing, but dont shame the entirety of a community because one person did it. no one who has done these videos has tried to apologize if theyre being offensive, theyre just like "dont hate us if these guys are cringe lol". its not hard, this is just restating the idea of barbie bodies being better. its not hard to let people be happy with how they look. like i said, "fat tok" is not an angel and has problems which can be addressed but judging the full part and saying it should be gone as a whole is just fucking fat phobic. can we stop mixing bisexual and pansexual? they have different names for a reason. bisexual and pansexual arent the same and yet theyre still mixed FOR NO REASON. bisexual is where you feel attraction for 2 genders (thus the prefix bi which means 2) and pansexual is attraction is regardless of gender. my sibling is the main reason i want to talk about this, being bisexual and being pansexual arent the same. if your bi, that doesnt mean your pan and vise versa. i struggled with labels for a shit ton of 2020-2021 and even this year, and hearing labels made so people can actually make sense of how they feel and know theyre not alone (i feel like it for me) getting mixed around with each other hurts. to me, its erasing identities by just saying theyre one. idgaf if you or someone identifies as both, thats fine. saying theyre one in the same is not. i hate those memes of "girls vs boys". they arent even fucking funny, theyre just cringe sexist stereotyping "jokes" put out to be consumed and for those who watch or see them to believe that theyre good and funny and okay. they arent. stereotypes arent cool, going "haha woman stupid" isnt funny, shut up. the boys vs girls memes always make the girls do something "stupid" first, then shows the boys being chads or some shit. for example, that boys vs girls time machine meme. the girls always go to see an ancestor of theirs, while the boys go do some crazy shit in the past. you may think theres nothing wrong, but there is. the way its shown and made is to show that girls are weird but boys are cool. the entire idea of the joke is that girls are stupid. its with every topic these memes have that the girls are in the wrong because theyre dumb for doing this or that. i know what some people think: "oh, your biologically a woman, so of COURSE this isnt funny to you and your just taking offense cause your a drama queen" or whatever shit. the reasoning there is fucking stupid, me being a woman that takes offense shows the joke is offensive and shouldnt be made. also, i bet some guys with brains would find the jokes uncomfortable. sexism isnt funny to anyone but 60 year old boomers that make "i hate my wife" jokes. if your wondering why its not that many, im shortening it so it can actually post. the other triggers will be added in the reply to this, dw.

How can a parasite devoid of all true emotions, only capable of emitting false personas taken from culture, consider themselves any gender identity?

Just because he has been called a he, and they have been called they, it doesn't define any gender. Sure, he can mean male, but they is used to define when you're unaware of someone's gender, so you use it to be respectful; it does not denote gender.

It is actually kind of disrespectful to people who are transgender, given that a "funky colourful skeleton" suddenly meaning transgender is rather offensive.

b. bro. I’M trans. i’m literally transgender, nonbinary transmasc, and have identified as such since i was ten or eleven? i’ve been diagnosed w gender dysphoria, i’ve been on T, and i plan to get top surgery in the future! I’m trans. (ofc those things aren’t necessary to be trans, but this is for my credibility on your end)

i say fresh is trans because he’s a very personal character to me, so i project that on him, and it makes me happy. i wasn’t born yesterday, man, i know the issue w the entire ‘nonhuman = nonbinary’ thing, bc, again, i’ve IDed as nb for almost ten years, and i would have when i was even younger if i knew the label existed! i wasn’t the one that created fresh or made the decision for him to be explicitly NB/agender, but it’s very personal to me as someone with the same label, so i’m reclaiming it. putting the rest under a readmore bc its long, and this ^ was the most important part imo

to me, it’s like someone who very closely identifies with mewtwo talking abt mewtwo being nonbinary. is mewtwo completely nonhuman and divorced from the human concept of gender? yes! but actual nonbinary people can see themselves in him, even with the negative connotations (that, again, has been a big issue in media for decades,) and reclaim it for themselves. it’s different than someone who isn’t trans or nb calling an alien or robot character nb, because we have the genuine lived experience, and if it makes us happy to do so, especially with such few nb characters in non-niche media that ARE actually human/aren’t some boy/girl fusion, i, personally, don’t see much of a problem with it.

i don’t joke about fresh being nonbinary because he’s a ‘funky colorful skeleton,’ i do it because 1. he’s a character that’s been explicitly identified as agender, 2. i’m agender and 3. he’s a character that’s very, very very personal to me, and it makes me happy to project my experience on him. obviously, he’s not trans, he’s a body-hopping parasite. but it’s something that brings me comfort and makes me happy, man, and that’s why i talk abt it, not bc hes the pinnacle of agender or aroace representation. (which, im also aroace! triple a, etc.)

it’s like how i personally project a lot of my autistic experiences on him, because even though he was never designed as autistic and it would be very harmful if he WAS, i see a lot of myself and my own experiences of completely missing social cues, not being able to truly understand or guess why others react the way they do to things so you come up w 1000 scenarios in your mind to ‘prepare’ before every conversation, and how once hes able to feel it leads to immense constant anxiety, the way letting urself actually feel is so so overwhelming and even tho it’s not healthy its easier to just bottle! was it intended to be that deep? no, but i still reclaim it, bc im just some guy on the internet who likes fresh way too much.

(I’m assuming you came here from my dumb fresh iceberg post, he is actually capable of more than anger and fear after loveball, he can feel joy, love, sadness, but he crushes all of it down because 1. allowing himself to feel those things will get him killed and replaced! by someone better. 2. he has extremely negative connotations with letting himself feel after a series of extremely traumatic events, (somethin else that’s also very very personal to me, and why loveball has been so important to me for years, but that’s another story i’m not goin to go into, esp not here!) especially since it would just lead to a future of horrible breakdowns and 3. his lifestyle and sense of purpose relies on not feeling. on convincing himself he’s still a hollow shell. in his mind, it’s his purpose, it’s the reason he was created. and if he ‘falls’ to the level of all the people he mocks and manipulates for feeling, than what is he?) fresh presents himself as an empty shell, even to himself, but after loveball, he isn’t. but he needs to be, so he lies to himself and tells himself that he’s fine. fresh doesn’t believe he deserves any kind of kindness or redemption. he can’t understand any of it directed at him. hes not just an empty shell or reflection of his surroundings, but he WANTS to be. bc its easier man! it’s less painful! but he cant go back to what he was!

ironically, to me, hes a very human character, while also being so fundamentally alien, he makes sense to me. ofc im not sadistic and i dont purposefully torture people for a living, but! hopefully this makes any sense. i didn’t pull any of this out of nowhere, and i can grab receipts off the top of my head if u need them bc i have so much pointless fresh lore memorized down to the wording (like how i remembered the wording for one of the asks was agendered instead of agender, it’s that bad. i have the Burden of knowledge)

Surviving Narcissistic Abuse

After being in a narcissistic abuse relationship for 21 years, it is not easy to heal and recover. By no means am I probably even close yet. But everyday it gets just a little easier and I am a survivor, so I'm sure I'll get there. Though I am somewhat impatient and sometimes wish I could just erase all of those memories. There are some really hard days though, where it feels like I'm going backward and not forward. That is probably the hardest part of being a narcissistic abuse survivor. It feels like the worthlessness, shame, PTSD and feelings of inadequacy never go away. Especially when the word "narcissist" is thrown around so easily these days. It seems that nowadays every time someone does or says something that someone else doesn't like they are labeled a narcissist. It really isn't that common though. Yes, almost anyone can do something at some point that seems to fall within the category. But actually truly having Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) only affects up to 5% of the population [Psycom].

The Oxford dictionary defines narcissist as: a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves. Mayo Clinic takes it a step further defining it as: a personality with qualities such as, thinking very highly of oneself, needing admiration, believing others are inferior and lacking empathy for others. According to Psycom there are nine common traits for NPD:

* Having an inflated sense of self-importance and entitlement.

* Needing constant admiration.

* Expecting special treatment.

* Exaggerating achievements and talents.

* Reacting negatively to criticism.

* Preoccupation with fantasies about power, success and beauty,

* Taking advantage of others.

* Behaving in an arrogant manner

There are lots of others. But the fact is we can all act like this once in a while. It becomes a problem and classified a disorder when these occur daily. And unfortunately, that is only the tip of the iceberg for some of us in relationships with a narcissist. Plenty of us suffer mental, physical, emotional, financial and even sexual abuse. And a lot of the time most of us don't even realize what we have entered into until it's too late. Even when there may be early signs, but we pass them off as things like stress, anxiety, quirks or just temperment. As it is clear now that is exactly what I did in the beginning.

Now for my story. It started only 2 weeks after my marriage to NG. The whole time we dated and during our engagement things were great. I'm sure if I analyzed things there were probably some red flags, but at the time I had no idea. He seemed nice, caring, sensitive, loving and not the least bit controlling. We got married and immediately had to move to another state for a job he had taken. As soon as we moved I got in with a doctor since I had some issues come up recently. We had been at the new place for 2 weeks when I was diagnosed with my first autoimmune disease.That evening I told him everything the doctor said. He hit me across the face, pushed me and told me "I wish I'd have met you before you were sick and skinnier than you are now." (One of the symptoms is impossible to control weight gain, but at that point I was only at 145 lbs). After a few days of me not saying much to him, he started acting repentive and extra sweet. I chalked it up to stress and an emotional response to my diagnosis. I wish that is all it had been.

That was not the last time he would be physically abusive though. Fast forward 18 years. He had been not only abusive physically but also verbally, mentally, emotionally and financially. Asking for chance after chance, saying he'd change. He forbade me from working. I needed his permission to go anywhere or do anything. Even with his permission, I had to let him know where I was going, how long I'd be gone, when I left and when I returned. After we got cellphones it only got worse. If he thought I had been gone to long or just felt he should check on me he would call. And I'd better answer right away or he would accuse me of being with a guy. (Keep in mind I had never cheated on him or anyone for that matter and 99% of the time I had my young daughter with me everywhere). He also forbade me from having any friends and very little contact with any family. Only my folks did he "tolerate" minimal contact with.

Even at home I was closely monitored. If I left the room, he would follow me. Even the bathroom, he would wait outside the door which I had to leave open. I had absolutely no choice in having any personal space or privacy. He was the epitome of having to control everything I did. He constantly belittled me, even in front of other people. He was always gaslighting me, telling me I remembered things wrong or misheard something. Emotionally he destroyed me.

The night before one of my birthdays he asked me about something and since my phone was in another room I asked to use his to check on his request. When I opened the browser there were screens still up and open. They were porn sites. He was occupied so I looked at the web history and it showed multiple porn sites plus a lot of searches for "local women". The search history spanned over months. Probably longer but after 6 months it is automatically deleted so I will never know how long it had been going on. At first, when I confronted him he started in with the gaslighting, saying he didn't know how any of that would be on there.

But something snapped inside of me. I wasn't backing down this time. He finally, eventually, did admit to almost all of it, but still tried to reason his way out of it. Like the excuse "I was looking for ideas for us". But his problem with those type of excuses were two-fold. One, we hadn't shared a bedroom in 12 years (his choice) and he had ED, even meds only helped 15% of the time. After that I did start asserting myself for a little more freedom. He'd give me a little then make some excuse for trying to rip it from me. I so desperately wanted to leave, but just like all those years past I was stuck with no way out and no support. About 6 months after I found the porn we moved half way across the country. I restarted trying to make plans to leave but it was near impossible. And emotionally I was in shambles. That one night single handedly destroyed my self-esteem, self-image and devalued everything I thought about myself.

It wasn't until about a year before I finally left him that I finally realized he was what is called a Narcissist. I always knew he was extremely controlling but now I started learning all the other things he had been doing and that they were not normal. I had a couple of new friends (the first in 18 years) that helped me see things from a whole new perspective and weren't afraid to point things out. They helped me out of a horrible situation. But the after effects are still there. Some of the small issues I have resolved over the last few years. Once I could go no-contact with him it made things alot easier. I felt like I could breathe again. I still have trouble with self-image and self-worth issues. The hardest thing for me has been working through the trauma bonding and PTSD. Even with no-contact, we still live in the same town, so I could run into him literally anywhere. Everytime I leave my house I am hyper-vigilant. It is hard to work through something you don't know how to work through.

But for anyone out there in an abusive relationship, I do firmly believe it is possible to survive and recover from it. You need a support system and a plan. Remember it is NOT your fault. It is your abusers'. Once you leave go no-contact as soon as possible. If necessary plan to have someone be an intermediary, especially if children are involved. A friend, family member or even a lawyer will do. It will get better, but it takes time.

It is not an easy process. Especially if, like me, you lost yourself in the relationship. Finding yourself again is easy for some and harder for others. For me, it has been extremely difficult. I still am not totally sure who I am yet. But I refuse to give up. I will not let him make me a victim, I will be a survivor. I now have a wonderful husband who is behind me 100% and who has the most gentle and patient soul, he is committed to seeing me healthy and happy. We have a wonderful, precious little girl. They are my motivation.

***Not intended as medical or legal advice. Written only as personal experience.***

(My husband and daughter the day we brought her home finally from NICU).

How do you feel about social media? Facebook? TikTok? Instagram? Is it your second skin? Do you feel the need to check it constantly and make everyone aware of things? Or do you feel the need to feel part of EVERYTHING by doing absolutely nothing? My bet is that it's part of your everyday life, and you can very much answer a megaphone loud "YES!" to that last question.

As an adult, this is the most annoying thing to deal with just in the working world because it is quite unnecessary (for the most part). As a parent, to watch your children being torn down by people beyond a screen that know not how to navigate life even on a good day, it's disheartening.

Let's delve into this from two different perspectives. As an individual in a professional setting, I'll peel open a part of the skin you don't see (and probably no one will ever tell you because they don't want to be honest about it). And as a parent, I'll uncover layers that I witness daily just by watching everything unfold day-to-day.

At work, I hear the word 'Facebook' almost daily, like it has meaning. More people tell me that I need to post more for my department. Now that someone is posting more for us (not that it's anything new than what was already on there to begin with), I get "congratulated" on the sudden inrush of posts that are on the feed. Let me paint it from my side. Facebook is made up of a bunch of people that enjoy reacting to and sharing a multitude of things but doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to remedy any issue. They want to have an ego inflation from a mere push of a button by sitting on their behind, but once you ask them to physically DO something, they are all up in arms and have every criticism under the sun. My department meets the brunt of those very people. No one wants to donate time, money, or supplies; but their faces are plastered to their phones not helping not one soul. Not one person that has like, shared, or commented has donated time to the actual living beings that need the physical comfort of human contact. But don't dare ask them to do that; that's not allowed. But when I am working overtime and giving my all, they want me to stop the ACTUAL CARE I'm giving to POST something on Facebook for people that don't really care for my place of business or anyone or anything in it. Make it make sense.

This same thing can be seen with you younger people today. You're seeking gratification amongst masses that are just as damaged and want to do damage to make themselves feel better. People are crueler, and NOW, they can hide behind a keyboard and never show their face. They never even have to confront the person they claim to have a problem with.

Let me ask. Why listen to someone that does not guide you through life in any way? My oldest's For You page is littered with depressing content feeding her mental anguish because she related to one post and hearted it. It adds fuel to the fire of how she feels about herself because it's like "these people don't feel better, so why should I feel better?" kind of thing. You are relying on the amount of likes you get. You are relying on the ego-boosting comments, but what you don't see is that you are zeroing in on the negativity of it all in the end.

Social media is not the end all, be all. It is definitely not what it used to be. You can barely find original thought anymore. Entertainment? Yes. If you are strictly on there to make yourself smile, brighten your day for a few minutes at a time, then by all means, social media can be your best friend in a pinch. Don't make yourself feel bad by staring at what you don't have, what you see as the depressing rhetoric...heck, even diagnosing yourself (because that seems to be a thing nowadays...sigh) for hours on end. Just scrolling.

I'm not extremely old, but yes, I am a millennial. I don't like what the generation label has been boiled down to, but that is what my year has been lumped into. I am from the world of Myspace. You got to design your backgrounds to your page. Be your own unique self. Blog. Design. Show off your music, style, great hair...just what made you who you were, and no one was telling you that you were this, that, or the other. (At least that was what I noticed, my personal experience, and just the nostalgia of it all. I speak in opinion, not watered-down facts, and if that hurts you, you apparently never had an opinion of your own. Yes, I speak to my kids openly in this same manner, so say something to me if you want. You might just be mad at the honesty of it all and not exactly at what I'm saying.)

If social media is not making you feel connected, but yet keeping you in a miserable place, maybe you should rethink your priorities of being there. It isn't that important. If your friends want to contact you, there are PLENTY of other ways to communicate these days. Heck, you don't even have to give out your real phone number anymore to actually text, and personally, that is the best way to communicate. Screw [shady] Snapchat. Screw [fake] Facebook. Screw [toxic] TikTok, if you're on that side of it anyway. Screw it all.

Now, before you even go there, yes, I do use social media. Look, I'm on Tumblr for glob sakes. I'm not posting for likes and numbers though. I'm not hunting down the next big trend, and I try to encourage you to do the same. Have an original thought. I won't tell you my favorite app because I feel it's like sacred ground. Call it gatekeeping or whatever you want. It's a place where there is only original thought allowed, no reposting of content and no pictures allowed beyond a profile photo. If you already know, then you know.

Mental health is taken less and less seriously as years seem to go on, even though more and more people are talking and advocating for it. There are so many more people though that are taking advantage and thinking it "cute and quirky" to pretend to have more and more serious issues. It's all fun and games, but now it's been put in the public eye ON SOCIAL MEDIA. It's the boy that cried wolf. Those that need the help can't get the help, can't be heard. Worse...won't be believed because of the those favorable few that kept "playing the system" for petty reasons. Kids, get it together!

Social media has helped us find friends, connect with loved ones, get a giggle. But it has also brought upon darkness and hatred that has only seemed to dig it's claws deeper and deeper into some of you, and it breaks my heart.

Love Our Way

Summary: Virgil knew he should have said something right there. But he didn’t, because he knew that would be the end.

Notes: Ace Virgil fic with romantic LAMP

TWs: Mentions of sex but no details. A little bit of internalized acephobia but barely, Virgil just has negative self esteem.

They’d been together a few months now and it had been, without a doubt, the best few months of Virgil’s life. 

It’d been a bit nerve wracking in the beginning, those first couple of weeks, as excited and thrilled as he was, Virgil had been extra paranoid about doing something wrong, about giving them any reason to lose feelings for him. 

He honestly hadn’t thought it could work at first. Relationships rarely worked out with two people, let alone four. Eventually they would fight, or lose feelings, or decide it was all too complicated. And things would get awkward and they could all end up hating each other and who knew what it would do to Thomas if they could no longer stand to be in the same room—

But they didn’t. By some miracle, that never happened.

Things were...things were perfect, as scared as Virgil had been to use the word. They’d been amazing ever since the anxious side was allowed to join their family, the love and warmth a wonderful kind of overwhelming he’d never felt before, but actually dating the people he loved more than anything, no longer needing to be afraid to express his feelings…

It was more than he’d ever thought he would get. More than he ever thought could be possible. Sometimes he still couldn’t believe it was real. 

They fit together like puzzle pieces, making each other stronger, pushing each other to be better, gentle and encouraging, coexisting in peaceful harmony. 

Virgil had never felt so welcomed, so surrounded by unconditional support and affection. They showed him just how much he had to offer. For the first time he’d actually felt like he wasn’t just a burden. 

It was hard, especially when it took a while to convince himself that he wasn’t invited into the relationship out of convenience, but because they actually wanted him. 

But they loved him. He knew that now. They all loved each other, flaws and all. 

And, well...Virgil should have known it wouldn't last forever. 

Not for him. Because...because that was just the way things were, wasn’t it? He’d made progress, he wasn’t the bad guy anymore, but he was still Anxiety. Things were just destined to go wrong. 

He really hadn’t given a single thought. It never crossed his mind as something that could ever be a problem, even when they had initially gotten together. No one else seemed intent on bringing it up, so Virgil had figured they never would. 

But then it had. Logan had brought the topic up about a week ago, somewhat awkward but still painfully casual, the conversation simply to discuss everyone’s level of comfort when it came to intimacy. 

Which...yeah, Virgil guessed it made sense. They were dating, the four of them happy and comfortable with their relationship, and had been for months now. So obviously sex was going to get brought up eventually. Boundaries needed to be set before...anything actually happened. It was routine for a healthy relationship. 

Except Virgil hadn’t actually thought they would ever talk about it. Because he’d known for a long time that he was asexual and he’d just...kind of assumed the others were too.

Which in retrospect, was a stupid conclusion to jump to. 

Virgil had known for years now, long before befriending the others. It had taken him a while to be sure, lots of research and panic and overthinking, but he’d eventually grown comfortable with the label. It was just another part of who he was. 

But he’d also never really understood why. Thomas wasn’t asexual so it didn’t make any sense for Virgil to have a separate identity. 

Unless it was just something all the sides experienced, none of them able to feel that kind of attraction.

But he’d never actually gotten around to asking. No one brought it up, and before the...development in their relationship it never seemed like something that would be an issue. So he’d just assumed, and ran with it. 

But clearly that wasn’t the case. Not when Roman and Patton were responding to Logan’s question with varying levels of eagerness and approval, comfortable and willing to take the next step when they were all ready.  

And Virgil knew he should have said something right there. They had given him the perfect opportunity to come out, quick and easy, and avoid anything uncomfortable in the future. 

But he didn’t. Because...because that would be the end, wouldn’t it? 

They would be sweet about it, of course. Thank him for being honest. But if he was the only one who didn’t want that...well, what was the point of him being a part of things? 

It was a cruel thing to assume, he knew that. None of them were shallow enough to see sex as something necessary, and he knew they would never force him into anything. 

But...but he already offered so little. They already had to jump through so many hoops to accommodate his anxiety, and it wasn’t like he was particularly loving or good at romance, as hard as he tried. As loving and amazing as they were, this could simply be the final straw. 

He wanted to be with them. He wanted them in every other way. He loved them more than anything. But he wouldn’t fight it when they ended up distancing themselves from him. 

Virgil just wasn’t ready for that heartbreak yet. So he plastered on a fake smile, and nodded along with the others.

 He’d tell them tomorrow. The longer he waited, the worse it would be. 

_

“Movie night!” Patton declared, skipping into the living room where Virgil was scrolling aimlessly on his phone. “And don’t think you’re getting out of it this time, Virge!”

Virgil tried to ignore the way his stomach twisted at the phrasing, swallowing against rising panic and sending Patton a smile. It was just movie night, same as every Friday. 

It had been two weeks now, and he still hadn’t told them. He’d managed to avoid last week’s movie night with the excuse of an upset stomach, desperately trying not to think about what they could be doing without him. 

And now...now he’d have to tell. They’d already be upset he waited this long, he couldn’t put it off any longer. 

Besides, they’d all be in the same bed all night, as they often were, relaxed and happy and enjoying each other’s company. They wouldn’t ever force him into something he wasn’t comfortable with, even if they wanted nothing to do with him after he came out. 

He’d lied, after all. He should have told them right away. 

“I'll be right there,” he said, forcing a smile as Patton made his way upstairs to his bedroom where the others were likely waiting. “Just...give me a second.” 

This was it, then. Hopefully afterwards, it wouldn’t be too awkward. Hopefully they would still be willing to keep him around as a friend. 

They were all waiting for him by the time he made it to Roman’s room, the three of them sprawled out on the bed in a pile of laughs and smiles, and Virgil’s heart felt like it was trying to break through his chest. 

He loved them so much. He wanted nothing more than to forget all of this and be held in their arms, content and warm until the sun came up. 

But putting it off wasn’t fair to them. And it wasn’t fair to him either. 

“Virgil!” Roman exclaimed, and Virgil felt lightheaded at the fond, excited looks he was being given. “Come help us choose a movie!” 

He almost chickened out again, just for a second. But he couldn’t panic. Not until it was out in the open and he could deal with the consequences. 

After tonight, he could very well end up alone again. Isolated like a villain. 

Why did he have to keep turning out to be different? Why was he always meant to end up alone? 

“In a second,” he said, stopping just inside the doorway. “I...I need to say something first, if that’s ok.”

Their smiles dropped slightly, but their gentle, welcoming expressions never wavered. The three of them sat up in bed, scooting forward as Patton nodded. 

“Of course, honey,” he said. “What’s on your mind?” 

He was actually doing this. He just...had to figure out how to start. 

Virgil took a breath and stuffed his hands in his pockets to hide how they’d begun to shake. “Just to- just to get it out there to make it easier for you guys...I- I get it if you want to break up with me after this.”  

That got their attention, their heads snapping up with wide, wary eyes. Virgil couldn’t quite bring himself to look at them anymore. 

“I’m just saying,” he muttered, and god he was shaking so bad. “I’ll understand.” 

The silence only stretched on another few seconds before Logan cleared his throat. “We’re listening, Virgil.” 

Ok. Ok he could do this. He...really should have planned out what he was going to say first. 

“I should have told you right away,” he started. “I know I should have. It’s not fair to you guys and I’m...I’m really sorry that I didn’t. I wasn’t trying to...to lie or- or lead you on or anything, I just...love you guys. A lot. I’ve loved being with you and I wasn’t ready to...you know...ruin that.” 

“Virge? What...what did you do, darling?” 

It was passed off as a joke, the Prince forcing a small smile, but there was serious concern behind it. 

Virgil quickly shook his head. “It’s not...I didn’t realize that it would be, you know, an issue. But you guys want...you want someone who’s not...me. Because- because I’m…” 

Say it, just say it. 

“I’m asexual. And you guys...I shouldn’t have kept that from you. I’m sorry. I’m just...sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” 

And that was...it. That was it. They knew now. 

They knew, and they could react how they wanted. If they were angry, Virgil wouldn’t blame him. If they were disgusted and demanded he leave...Virgil wouldn’t fight it, no matter how badly it hurt. 

He knew them better than to truly assume that would be the case, but the thought was still there. 

Furious or not, there was no way they’d trust him enough to keep him in the relationship. 

But he had to hold it together until the end of the conversation. He’d escape as soon as they let him, and then...and then he’d readjust to being alone. 

Unfortunately, none of them seemed particularly inclined to answer, the silence stretching on a moment too long. He risked a glance up from the floor, hunching his shoulders when he caught Logan’s eye. 

“Virgil,” the logical side said. “Come sit down, please.”

He quickly shook his head, taking a step back. He didn’t need a long, drawn out ending to this. He wouldn’t be able to hold it together that long. 

“You...you guys don’t have to--” 

“Virgil,” Patton cut him off, scooting aside to make room. “Come over here and talk to us.” 

And he’d never be able to deny Patton anything, would he? Not when he sounded so desperate. 

Virgil moved forward on shaky legs, focusing solely on his breathing to keep himself from crying, ending up seated in between Patton and Logan, Roman pressed up against the moral side. 

“This doesn’t need to be a conversation,” he said, just wanting to get out. “I...I said I would understand.” 

Virgil jumped when there was a hand against his cheek, Logan suddenly cupping his jaw and turning his head until they were face to face, the logical side’s eyes piercing behind his glasses. 

“Virgil,” Logan started, sounding almost breathless. “How...on earth could you think this would end in a break up?” 

Virgil blinked, wondering if this was some kind of trick question. “What? I don’t--” 

“Darling,” Roman said, and the Prince was suddenly scooting over to sit in front of Virgil, the three of them surrounding him. “You thought we would leave if you came out as Ace?” 

Virgil shook his head because no, that...that wasn’t the problem. Not entirely, anyway. “It’s not...guys I lied. You asked me to be in a relationship with you and I didn’t say anything.” 

“You did not lie,” Logan said, never dropping his hand from Virgil’s face. “You just were not ready to come out yet. You and I both know there is a substantial difference.” 

There was a hand suddenly slipping into his own, and Virgil startled when he realized it was Patton’s, the moral side’s free hand now running fingers through his hair. 

“You weren’t comfortable sharing that part of yourself,” he said. “That’s totally ok, sweetheart. No one’s mad at you. I’m just glad you said something before something...happened.” 

Logan’s hand suddenly dropped, his eyes big and painfully worried, and Virgil had to force himself not to look away. 

“Virgil,” he said slowly. “You do not...owe us anything. Especially not something like sex. If we made you feel like--” 

“What? Jesus- no.” Virgil moved his hand away from Patton, pulling his knees up to his chest, squeezing his eyes shut to try to get a hold of himself. “It wasn’t...I just thought...it would be too...t-too much to deal with, you know?” 

They weren’t breaking up with him. They weren’t. He’d been stupid to think that. There was no reason he should still be so upset. 

He couldn’t make them feel guilty. He couldn’t make them think they’d been the ones to do something wrong when they’d been nothing but perfect. He couldn’t--

“Oh Virgil.” 

Too late he realized the tears had started to spill over, his face burning as he pressed a hand against his mouth to try and muffle any treacherous sobs. 

There was a pair of arms around him, warm and grounding, and it took Virgil a moment to realize it was Roman, gently guiding him into the embrace. He didn’t fight it, falling limp against the Prince’s chest with a pathetic choking noise. 

“S-sorry,” he managed in between sobs. “I’m sorry, I- I don’t know why I’m...I sh-should have told you, I- I thought you’d...I thought you’d run out of reasons to- to want me.” 

“We could never,” Roman whispered, holding him tight. Patton moved forward to rub circles along his back, Logan reaching out to squeeze his hand. “You’re beautiful, Virgil. And this doesn’t change a thing.”

It didn’t make sense. None of it made any sense. If one of them had come out, it would be different. But with him...there was already so much to deal with, so much they were forced to handle. 

Eventually, it had to get to be too much, right? He’d already figured they’d get fed up with the extra steps they had to take to respect his boundaries, Virgil always a little more wary when it came to being vulnerable. 

But they all sounded so...genuine. Princey hadn’t once loosened his hold, still whispering quiet reassurances, Patton was back to running his fingers through Virgil’s hair, pressing kisses to his free hand. 

And Logan still held on tight, counting out familiar breathing exercises just loud enough for Virgil to hear, always knowing how to calm him down. 

When he finally managed to calm down, taking in deep, shuddering breaths, he reluctantly pulled away from Roman, wiping at his eyes as he stared down at his lap. 

“Sorry,” he muttered. “I never thought...I wouldn’t have let you guys do anything. I was always gonna tell you eventually I just...kept putting it off.” 

“That is quite alright,” Logan said, sounding oddly hesitant. “But I...don’t think I could forgive myself if we had taken the next step without realizing you would not enjoy it.” 

Virgil nodded, forcefully pushing down the sickening panic at the thought. “I know. I wouldn’t have let that happen. I promise.” 

Patton and Logan both squeezed his hands, Patton tilting forward to press a kiss to his temple before leaning his forehead on Virgil’s shoulder. He allowed himself to lean into the touch, taking another shaky breath before continuing. 

“I’m...I am sorry though. If this complicates things.” 

Roman cocked his head slightly, frowning. “Complicates things?” 

“Yeah,” Virgil said, hoping he wasn’t about to refute every wonderful thing that had just been said. “We’re...in a relationship. And you all want...I mean, Roman you’re pretty much all romance, so I know you want--” 

He cut himself off, caught completely off guard when Roman started laughing. 

“Sorry,” the Prince said quickly, smiling at the exasperated looks Virgil realized the others were giving him. “Sorry, I just...gosh, Virgil can I kiss you?” 

Virgil blinked, mind suddenly completely blank. “I...uh, sure?” 

True to his word, Roman was suddenly cupping Virgil’s face in both his hands, gently pressing their lips together, and just like always Virgil melted against the touch, completely safe for just a single, blissful moment. 

When Roman pulled back, he met Virgil’s gaze, brimming with nothing but adoration and love. “Virgil, darling, you really think I see something as trivial as sex romantic?”

“I mean...yeah?” 

“Virgil, I love you. You, not...not what you have to offer. I love seeing you in the mornings, and holding you...I love hearing your voice. I want to cook you dinners and pick you flowers and sing for you. That’s romantic, Virge. Not...not something as small as sex. That’s not what’s important. Not to me.” 

“I, for once, am in agreement with Roman,” Logan said. “Sexual intimacy has never been of importance to me. It certainly does not hold enough power to damage our relationship in any way if you do not desire it. And it certainly has no power over my feelings for you.” 

Virgil was suddenly dangerously close to crying again. “I--” 

“Besides, there is no logical reason for us to engage in sexual intercourse. We are not human, so the need to reproduce does not--” 

Roman thankfully cut him off with a kiss, Logan making a noise somewhere between surprise and annoyance, but reciprocated without further complaint. 

Patton was suddenly taking both of Virgil’s hands, their fingers laced together, and Virgil suddenly wasn't quite so scared to meet the moral side’s eyes. 

“I don’t care about something silly like that,” Patton said. “I just care about you, honey. The four of us being safe and happy and together. If we all just cuddle and tell each other how much we love each other...nothing else could ever make me that happy. So don’t you worry about a thing, ok?” 

Virgil wasn’t sure whether he laughed or sobbed, but he was smiling back at Patton, at the people who surrounded him with unconditional love, and he nodded. 

“Ok,” he agreed, feeling lighter than he thought he ever had. “Thank you. All of you. I...I love you all. So much.” 

Within moments they were all tangled up in each other, the television playing an old comfort movie, Virgil wrapped up in Logan’s arms with his head against Roman’s chest, Patton leaned against his legs. 

It was still perfect, and Virgil had a funny feeling it always would be. He loved them, more than anything in the entire world, and there wasn’t a doubt in his mind they felt the same way.

Forbidden fruit ask time: Keith x Katarina. I know people in western fandom are understandably wary of this ship, but apparently it's one of the favourites for the Japanese audience and based on what I heard it actually has some decent foundation in novels (not as much as GeoKata, but still). Since you read novels and are #1 hamefura blog on Tumblr and know so much I wanted to ask you to tell us how KeiKata is doing in novels if it's okay owo??

owo!! lmao, I don't know about being the "#1 hamefura blog on tumblr" (I-I... I thought I was an art blog... :')) I mean I just like to ramble about hamefura lmao but I'm always happy to answer questions!

Yeah... Keith x Katarina is a hard subject to talk about considering how violent reactions can be depending on who you're talking to. I remember when Season 1 was airing, people really doesn't like Keith as a romantic option for Katarina due to them being siblings, and I'm honestly waiting for those people to react to the S2 OP and S2 in general. I've talked to a few people who don't like KeiKata at all, and they have the absolute right to dislike any ship that they want, but it did make me sad to know how much Keith is hated by the EN Fandom considering how loved he is in the JP Fandom. He's pretty much the most favorite male character and the second most shipped with Katarina.

-> hamefura x(s2) & ln spoilers ahead <-

A lot of people's issues with Keith stems from the fact that he and Katarina are step-sibling and that it's really weird for Keith to be romantically interested in Katarina (a person who sees him as a little brother completely). People are accusing him of taking advantage of Katarina's trust in him to keep her to himself and that pursuing her romantically would destroy the familial bond that they've had for years. The thing is that Keith treasures Katarina as a person, not as a sibling. Yes, Keith sees her as family, but he also sees her as more than family. To him, being able to be together with Katarina doesn't mean that he'll have to love her differently, but that he will be able to love her even more deeply and honestly. You can even headcanon that the reason Keith calls Katarina "big sister" is because he's asked to do so, and because it's a symbol of his acceptance into the family, but maybe not necessarily how he sees her.

Some of the material that will be covered in Season 2 is about Keith, so I don't know how much I want to talk about that since most fans will be able to see it themselves. Keith has it the hardest because his position makes it so that he's the least likely to get his feelings across to Katarina due to their relationship. In one of the upcoming arcs in the anime, Keith will be able to break Katarina's baka shield in the same way Geordo does: by using actions instead of words, and by just literally finding the courage to take the risk and tell her.

That's where one of the interesting things about hamefura comes into play: one of the reasons why people dislike KeiKata so much is that they feel like the reveal of Keith's feelings would awaken disgust and betrayal in Katarina. Few fanfics of hamefura portray it that way, that Katarina would be weirded out by his feelings and reject them immediately. Maybe it's because Katarina is aware of Keith as not only a sibling, but also as a romance-able character in an otome game (also because of the nature of this series lmao), that in canon, she doesn't take his confession negatively and is flushed/embarrassed by it just like Geordo's confession. I know the "weirded out" reaction is the most realistic, but maybe Katarina also understands that their relationship doesn't have a clear label. They care for each other very much and whether that bond is romantic, familial or friendship isn't something they bothered to really name, maybe? Lmao I don't know, that last bit is just speculation on my part, I can't exactly get into Katarina's head and pinpoint what she thought of Keith's confession.

If I'm being honest, she forgets about Keith's confession more often than she does Geordo, mostly because nothing really changed after he made his feelings clear. I wouldn't say that she dismissed it, it's just that she's forgetting it because in her perspective being loved as a woman and as family by Keith both means that he'll take care of her and shower her with attention (aka no difference).

When I think about how "KeiKata is doing in the novels", for some reason the first thing that comes to my mind is the line "how they treated Geordo in the anime, from a JP perspective". I know that sounds confusing, but what I mean is that a lot of Arc 2 - FL2 scenes with KeiKata is kinda fanservice (aka the thing they tried to do for Geordo in the anime which worked for JP fans but made him hated by the EN fans) (not me trying to insert Geordo in a post about Keith hehe :V). Excluding all the Keith scenes that are coming in Season 2 of the anime and the current arc of the manga, the story really likes to test Keith's self-control when it comes to seeing Katarina as a woman.

Keith's scenes with Katarina aren't necessarily "hot and spicy" by any means, but people nowadays tend to be quite bothered and annoyed at typical japanese romance tropes being played out in modern anime series (such as bed-pining, surprised kisses and kabedons). I mean yeah I'd be bothered too if someone pulled those moves on me in real life, but for the japanese audience this is what their fanservice is like so that's the kind of stuff we'll see in hamefura. Just like Geordo, Keith is given a few scenes where he's put in a romantic spot with Katarina after he confessed, but it always just ends with him backing out and hoping that it at least could remind Katarina of how he sees her (like bed-pinning in LN6 & affectionate touches from Katarina in LN8). A lot of hate towards Keith stems from these scenes because people sees this as a disrespect towards Katarina and the familial relationship they have. These scenes helps reinforce how Keith sees Katarina as a woman and not as a sister, but depending on who you're siding with, you're either gonna be disgusted at Keith or extremely pissed off at Katarina's lack of propriety & density.

Like, people are getting angry at Keith for being a teenage boy who is being bothered by affectionate touches from the girl he likes who is also always approaching him with only a nightgown? I mean blame the author or Keith all you want but at least put some responsibility on Katarina as well :V People are really saying "well, he shouldn't be bot and bothered by it in the first place, they are siblings! that's disgusting!" well again, Keith sees her as a woman and Katarina needs to be aware that she shouldn't be so touchy with the opposite sex regardless if it's family. Keith kinda blames Katarina for the way he feels given how she acts around him despite being unaware of his feelings, which is also the cause of some hatred towards Keith.

People are saying that Keith is dumping *all* the responsibility onto Katarina because she acts in such an affectionate way towards him, but in reality Keith feels really bad & also hates himself for being so attracted to her when she doesn't even know about his feelings. He puts a lot of blame onto himself and thinks he's just as bad as Geordo sometimes (not saying Geordo is bad, more like Keith's "idea of Geordo" being bad lmao). Keith always walks on eggshells around Katarina because he doesn't want to disrespect how he feels about her and how she feels about him. It's just sad to see people hate him for the few moments where his self-control breaks so that he can act on his honest emotion, and accuse him of abusing Katarina's trust :((

Just like Geordo, Keith has made it clear how he feels and strongly desires to pursue her romantically, but his problem of being the step-sibling is still there. I haven't gotten my own copy of JP Volume 10 yet, I feel like I just wanna wait for the EN version instead of using GT, but multiple spoilers have noted that while Keith hasn't made progress in getting approval of his feelings from Katarina's side, he's at least able to get an approval from his family. Well, by that I mean Keith has already confessed his romantic feelings about Katarina to their father Luigi, and he replied by saying that he approves of whoever Katarina chooses for herself. Keith realizes that all he needs to do is get Katarina to return his feelings. When he does, his family wont hate him, but instead he'll be able to love them and be loved in the same, yet different way.

TLDR; a lot has happened to Keith throughout the light novels. He's progressing slowly and steadily just like Geordo, and is leagues ahead compared to the other characters. He has confessed his feelings and got reassurance of his relationship with his parents. Keith and Katarina's relationship itself hasn't really changed though, but it's nice to know that Keith is at least laying the foundations for his hypothetical future with her. Katarina doesn't really think about Keith enough to be able to tell how she feels about his confession or if her opinion on him has changed at all though, so take that as either an L or a W for Keith.

Thank you for the ask! I'm sorry if this isn't as elaborate as you wanted, anon. I like Keith and Katarina but I guess it's because they aren't my bias that I don't pay too much attention to the tiny details of how Keith is written in the books qwq

“There is no one right way to live”

Adventure and 02 really make up an unusual series in many ways, and I think one of them is how kind it is to the human condition. One of its most consistent commitments is to portraying its kids as “real children” -- as in, messy kids with some very deep nuances to their behavior, in ways that don’t reflect what you’d usually expect from media tropes. In some ways, it ended up backfiring (tropes are not inherently a bad thing, and it’s led to miscommunication that persists to this day because the audience has to fight a tendency to read the characters through the kinds of tropes we’re all expecting to find), but it also had the effect that these kids could be intimately relatable to the audience in ways that “textbook” portrayals of kids often wouldn’t be.

Adventure had eight main characters in its human cast, which was extended to twelve in 02 -- a massive balancing act -- and yet took the stance that none of these twelve characters’ very different ways of thinking or living life are fundamentally wrong. Rather, it celebrates the differences between them, and encourages them to embrace them about themselves. But it also does not shy away from the struggles those with each line of thinking might have in terms of communicating and interacting with the world. It’s easy to say words like “be yourself”, but what does “be yourself” really mean?

“Each character’s way of thinking”

Most people tend to define “character development” by “how much the character changed over the course of the narrative”, but if you look carefully, not all of the characters change that much. In fact, Koushirou and Miyako’s character arcs are about how they shouldn’t have to change much about themselves!

What we do get to see, however, is everyone’s intimate thought processes. We’re given so much information about each kid’s background and how it shapes their ways of thinking, and how they react to given situations, that you can get six fanfiction writers who have studied the series well and give them a completely hypothetical situation with some of the characters, and most if not all of them will roughly agree, because each kid’s thought pattern is so well detailed that you can easily imagine how they’d behave even when the scenario is hypothetical.

This, despite the fact that Adventure and 02 rarely use internal monologue (this is something specific to its Japanese version; while Japanese anime generally has less of this compared to Western shows, Adventure and 02 are unusually low on this even compared to later Digimon series, and it’s a possible byproduct of the narrative being eventually revealed to be from Takeru’s perspective and not someone truly omniscient). This is something that also somewhat backfired in that characters who are difficult to read or unaware of their own feelings become very difficult for the audience to read, so you have to read their behavior patterns and put two and two together (such as Takeru outright lying about his feelings regarding his childhood in Adventure episode 12, or Sora’s testimony about her confrontation with her mother not quite tracking with what’s actually depicted in Adventure episode 26). It does, however, have a very powerful weapon that it uses to help the audience understand each character’s mentalities and what they’re thinking at a given moment...

Digimon partners! In a sense, “talking with a Digimon partner” is a replacement for internal monologue, because the kids spill their internal feelings to their partners as if they’re talking to themselves. (Protip for all of you fanfic writers out there who struggle to figure out how to integrate the Digimon smoothly into the narrative: “cutting out most of your internal monologue and replacing it with a conversation with a Digimon partner” is one of your most reliable fallbacks.) This is helpful for characters like Koushirou, who initially starts off Adventure as very isolated from the others but immediately takes well to Tentomon, and Ken, who spends a good part of 02′s third quarter still very emotionally distant from the others and not entirely willing to open up to them, but very conversely willing to open up to his own partner. Iori converses about his conflicted feelings regarding the situation with Upamon during the process of forming his Jogress relationship with Takeru, and, back in Adventure, Takeru himself was willing to show his more “less well-behaved” side in front of Patamon that he normally wouldn’t when he was constantly in the presence of elders.

On top of that, Digimon partners being reflective of the kids’ own personalities in some sense means that they are very good at asking just the right questions at the right time, or saying perfectly well-timed things that the kids needed to hear the most, to get them to reconsider their position or realize that they might be going in the wrong direction...

Moreover, we get a lot of help in 02 simply by virtue of the fact it’s about relationships -- I’ve said this a few times before, but 02 is not a series about platitudes or toxic positivity, and has a strong emphasis on “you must understand the other person’s feelings if you want to truly reach out to them.” Showering happy platitudes about friendship on them means nothing if you’re still technically dismissing their feelings and making zero attempt to figure out why they feel this way! Therefore, everyone only accepts Ken when they each come to understand his feelings on the situation, and the Jogress arcs involve the relevant parties making active attempts to “understand the other person’s feelings” and what exactly makes them behave the way they do, before addressing their problems using what they need most at that moment. Being able to push people forward in a positive direction requires having a proper understanding of all of the negativity that came with it, accepting them in spite of that, and choosing to address what they need.

And in 02 episode 49, Daisuke says something that embodies a lot of Adventure and 02′s attitude towards these things: it’s not a sin to have feelings. Your reaction or way of seeing things, based on your backgrounds and experiences that have shaped you, is not something you can be blamed for having, whether that means being worried, sad, frustrated, angry, resentful, what have you. The only question is what you do in response to your feelings.

It’s easy to say “be yourself”, but that’s obviously a problem if you “be yourself” by rampantly ignoring what other people think and trampling on other people’s feelings, and it’s also a problem if “being yourself” is causing problems for others, and it’s especially a problem if “being yourself” is also hurting yourself while you’re at it -- so what does it mean to be true to yourself?

It’s not about your inherent personality traits, it’s about what you choose to do with them

As I said earlier, Adventure and 02 all arguably celebrate the fact that everyone is so different, and has their own skills to contribute to the group. Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses, and everyone makes up for each other’s weaknesses when they work together. And some of these characters do change in order to become “better people”. But what does being a “better person” mean? How does that tie into still “being true to yourself”, and yet changing at the same time?

02 episode 18 has Miyako in possibly one of her worst bouts of loss of control -- she has an effective panic attack and starts yelling at everyone in all directions, resulting in Hawkmon getting hurt. However, everyone here understands that Miyako meant well and was trying her best given the situation, and nobody scorns her for it, with Hikari even arranging for Miyako and Hawkmon to have proper space to emotionally air things out. Again: it was not a sin for Miyako to have feelings of anxiety, but it was a problem once those feelings led to causing trouble for others -- as in, trampling on their feelings, not having enough regard for their welfare, and such. Well-intentioned or not, Miyako just caused problems, and for that, Miyako labels herself as a “bad” person (tying into her ongoing character arc that involved negatively comparing herself to more mature and put-together people). However, Hawkmon assures her that he likes her the way she is.

But Miyako can’t keep going on like this -- it would obviously be very bad for her to keep being inconsiderate and trample on others’ feelings! But what does happen is that Miyako simply learns to channel these traits in the correct direction -- it’s established that, on the flip side, her being over-the-top brings joy to other people by making them laugh (02 episodes 31, 36, 38), and her aggressive personality is able to reach out to those like Hikari who are too closed in and on another unhealthy extreme! And as it turns out, she is capable of channeling all of those “aggressive” qualities into “aggressively”...reaching out to others and proactively supporting them; all she needed was a bit better sense of regulation so that her energy would go to the places she wanted them to be, rather than rampantly all over the place to the point of causing trouble. She didn’t have to fundamentally change herself into someone like Mimi or Hikari; it was just about adjusting her way of going about things just enough so that she could become more considerate.

Even all the way back in Adventure episode 10, all of the “problems” caused in this episode specifically have to do with Koushirou ending up (accidentally) being inconsiderate to Mimi and Palmon and not taking their feelings enough into account. Again, Koushirou is not treated as if his feelings are wrong or malicious -- he even states that he thinks that the research he’s doing will help everyone in the long run -- but his way of handling this situation is awful, and, regardless of his intent, Mimi and Palmon are feeling abandoned and tossed aside.

For the rest of the series, Koushirou learns to hone his existing skills in analysis -- even his fixation tendencies are treated as a potentially valuable trait -- and, once we learn the details about how he started keeping distance from everyone due to the shock of learning he was adopted and his social anxiety tendencies in Adventure episode 38, Koushirou momentarily tries to force himself to use casual language, and his parents assure him that he doesn’t have to force himself to change. In the end, it’s not an inherent sin for Koushirou to have social anxiety, nor that he needs more time to adjust to becoming more casual with others -- according to Adventure episode 54, he does want to get closer to others eventually, but even Tentomon says he shouldn’t force himself. Koushirou “working past” his social issues doesn’t mean he suddenly has to turn himself into a socialite overnight, but rather, he simply needs to do enough to be able to communicate with others without (accidentally or otherwise) ignoring others’ important feelings. Thus, in 02, he’s still working on becoming less distant from everyone, but he’s managed to become someone who can communicate with and organize people, and is well-respected for it.

A recurring theme in Adventure and 02 is that there’s a good and a bad side to everything, and so if we look at the twelve kids over Adventure and 02, we can see that a lot of the “good things” and “bad things” about them really stem from the same thing:

Taichi: Being an ambitious person who can oversee people in disparate places and bring them together (good) also means that he’s not always good at checking the nuances or other potentially negative contingencies, and can be rather insensitive (bad)

Yamato: Being emotionally sensitive to others means he can be passionate and open about everything, and compassionate to others (good), but also means he can get explosively angry and lose control of himself (bad)

Sora: Being caring towards others and supportive (good) means that she can also end up developing self-destructive tendencies due to her perceived obligations to others (bad)

Koushirou: Being constantly curious and fixated on learning more means he can get to the bottom of things and answer questions that others can’t (good) but also means he can get too absorbed in it and not be able to take others into account (bad)

Mimi: Being extremely sensitive and empathetic means that she’s open-minded, compassionate, and all-loving (good) but also that she takes any kind of discomfort or emotionally draining thing extra hard, and may all too often be unable to take a stand even when she really should (bad)

Jou: Being constantly invested in everyone’s welfare and compelled to help them means he’s very honest and dutiful and otherwise reliable (good) but also means he can make very reckless decisions because he’s so stressed about everyone and everything (bad)

Takeru: Being good at maintaining an atmosphere of moderation and generally being able to handle very tough things means that he has a very strong grip on himself and doesn’t cause trouble for others easily (good) but also means he’s prone to sudden and irrational emotional outbursts because he’s suppressing so badly that he gets no catharsis and isn’t being honest about his own feelings (bad)

Hikari: Being compassionate and all-loving means that she can put her foot down easily for the sake of others and advocate for kindness (good) but also means that her desire to not be a burden on others makes her compulsively unable to vocalize any of her own personal problems to the point of self-destruction and passiveness (bad)

Daisuke: Being so deferential to others and pure-hearted means that he can focus practically on what needs to be done and be a supportive person to others (good) but also means that he’s prone to insecurity, defensiveness, and lack of assertiveness in the face of others (bad)

Miyako: Being over-the-top and full of bright energy means that she can bring joy to others and can reach out to those who have troubles (good) but also means that she has difficulty having restraint from losing control of herself (bad)

Iori: Being humble and a principled person means that he’s good at approaching things directly and driven by a constant desire to do good (good) but also can be so fixated on those principles that he clings onto them even far beyond practicality, and is constantly restraining himself more than should be necessary (bad)

Ken: Being assertive and able to have firm will means that he can get what he wants done for others and show kindness when he needs to (good) but also means that the same assertiveness can be used for uncontrolled sadism and inflicting pain on others (bad)

So, again: all of these characters are encouraged to embrace all of the good things about themselves, and to channel them in ways that are productive or healthy or help them live happily alongside others; all of those “bad” traits also being there doesn’t necessarily mean they have to blot out those personality aspects that have good sides to them as well! It’s just that those “bad” things need to be kept in check so that they don’t cause trouble, and you can read all of these character arcs in ways that involve everyone changing just enough to make sure those “bad” things don’t go rampant and cause problems everywhere -- and everyone’s an imperfect human being, so it’s unlikely that they’ve completely gotten rid of those entirely even into adulthood -- but they have better awareness of what they need to do, and how to better adjust themselves into better people.

Look at the difference between Ken and Daisuke -- Ken had to go through some massive changes because, as the Kaiser, his “bad” traits were going over the top and causing all sorts of harm to everyone, and there was a huge journey he had to go through to get that all in check, whereas Daisuke was always clearly a very pure-hearted person from the get-go and didn’t have to adjust himself as much. Yet you could say the same thing about both of them -- by Ken learning that his efforts and assertiveness were misplaced, and by Daisuke getting around his constant insecurity and need for validation in order to better lead everyone forward, they basically did the same thing, just in different ways, and they’re both better people for it.

And it’s also the philosophy Jou endorses in Adventure episode 50 -- Mimi and Jou aren’t people who are necessarily best at fighting, and this isn’t inherently a sin. It’s just that they need to find ways to productively play to their own strengths in ways that are true to themselves. If Mimi can’t bring herself to engage in direct violence, she can at least use her skills to bring together everyone else who wants to protect the Digital World and prevent more casualties, and if Jou is, by his own admission, “not strong”, he can consider a path ahead of him that involves becoming a healer who can help those who are wounded, and prevent casualties that way.

There is no one right way to live.

What it is you want to do

Here’s an interesting question about the 02 epilogue, and, while we’re at it, 02 episode 50 as a whole: Why are “careers” brought up so much? Timeskip epilogues are hardly new to 02 (and of course have popped up in media for years thereafter), but not all of them involve careers, and even fewer of them have that much focus on shoving “careers” into your face as the main centerpoint, especially since usually this kind of thing would be about family lives or romance or something (and we can say a lot about how the 02 epilogue cared so much about the career thing that it was blatantly prioritizing it over the hot-topic romance issue of Yamato and Sora).

Because, in the end, a career -- or, perhaps, a “future aspiration”, because various details about how the epilogue is presented indicate that “the career that defines your income and adult life” may not actually be the correct term here -- is the ultimate manifestation of “what it is you want to do with your life”. The point driven home by 02 episode 50 is that such a thing should be “what you want to do”, and, given that this was originally supposed to be the Adventure ending before 02 was conceived, it also ties into Adventure’s own theme of “finding your own path”. All of those “careers” listed in the 02 epilogue feel a lot more nonsensical when you think about it in terms of the material hobbies they had during the series, but make significantly more sense when you frame it in terms of what kind of personality each person had and what they would prioritize. Materially, if you think about what Taichi had as a “hobby” during Adventure and 02, it would be soccer, but when you think about him being “an ambitious, wide-reaching leader who brings people from different places together”, his career of “diplomat to bring two worlds together” makes much more sense. It wasn’t about what they’re doing to pay the bills; it’s about “what’s most important in each of their lives”.

And, as far as the series is concerned, none of these decisions are the “wrong” ones; if there’s a “wrong” decision, it’s the one 02 (and later Kizuna) warned you about, in terms of blotting your own self out and making yourself unhappy because you did it for the sake of society’s expectations instead of for yourself. There’s even a difference between the Adventure group and 02 group in their own priorities, in that the former is more individualistic and far-reaching in terms of personal ambition, and the latter prioritizes mutual support and living simpler lives as long as it makes them happy, and as far as Adventure and 02 are concerned, that’s all fine, because those are choices that suit their own dispositions and fit things that they want to do first and foremost.

Everyone is different, everyone has different priorities, and everyone has different ways to live. Everyone has different perspectives and feelings, and once the arguments are ironed out, those should be cherished and celebrated.

what is up with day6 atm? I'm seeing people reacting to the drama, but so far haven't found the drama

......................a lot but i'll do my best lol but if you scroll through my "tw//negativity" tag you'll find some of the things ppl r talking abt

So basically Jae has been slowly distancing himself from d6 for awhile now and he kinda fell in w the Dive Studios crowd and now he's like doing twitch streaming and seems to be trying to get in w that crowd + 88rising (an asian american label) crowd.

He's been very open about his struggles as a kpop idol, but in doing so he has put his foot in his mouth several times and said many things that are really insulting to the rest of d6 (like calling them "inauthentic") like he's obviously trying to distance himself from kpop idoldom, but he's doing it in a way that plays into very problematic Western views of kpop that are rooted in racism and it's just a bad look all around. He's also praised JYP several times while shading his bandmates and that just leaves a bad taste in many people's mouths. He officially left JYPE at the end of last year, even though he said that he hasn't officially left d6, they're just on their military hiatus rn. I think he's said some more things abt d6 since then but honestly I don't know everything he's said so I'm not sure.

The current problem is that he was on twitch and was like "Now that I'm not an idol anymore I can say this. Why Jamie tryna be a thot?" and then laughed about it. Jamie is a fellow former JYPE artist that Jae has known since she was 15ish (and he was 20ish) and has been one of his good friends and supporters. He worked with her at After School Club and at Dive Studios. Jamie has apparently always struggled with ppl making bad comments about her + sexualizing her like this. People have been rlly tearing Jae apart over this on twt and Jamie herself saw it and tweeted abt how hurt she was (she's since deleted these tweets). Jae apologized and claimed that he thought "thot" meant the same thing as "baddie" (it does not).

Theoretically, it IS possible that he really thought that those were interchangeable terms. Even though Jae is a native English speaker, that does not mean he actually knows what those terms mean. Thot and baddie are AAVE terms, which is a language/dialect (I'm not sure what it's classified as) that most people outside of the African American community aren't very familiar with. Meaning isn't always easy to really understand with just context. Like, I'm a native English speaker and I've heard ppl say baddie but I'm still not rlly sure what it means exactly. More importantly, all of this ties into a much larger problem of non-black people butchering AAVE and using it incorrectly and out of context. But that's another conversation that I should not be spear-heading as a white person. It was still very wrong and awful of Jae to call Jamie a thot, bc most ppl know by now that when it comes to general slang, it's associated with words like hoe, and has a similar meaning. Jae knew damn well what he was saying when he called her that. Just bc he might have POSSIBLY thought the words were interchangeable does NOT excuse him calling her a thot as an insult.

It was just a bad thing all around like his tone when he called her a thot was very "shit talking behind someone's back" but with like extra layers of misogyny (him, as a guy, calling a woman a thot behind her back) and fame (he said that publicly in front of thousands of ppl in a way that made jamie look bad) like he rlly just kinda exposed himself to be (at the very least a bit of) an asshole.

TL:DR he called a female friend a thot on a live stream and seems to be trying his hardest to fit in w a new crowd of ppl who will never respect him or like him like he wants, and in the process he's shitting all over the ppl who have been his friend/by his side since the beginning and it's just a bad look and shitty behavior.

tw// eating disorder

so hi, i’m showing a lot ed tendencies at the moment and it’s kinda ruining my life. especially the whole calorie counting thingy. to the point where i put off eating if i feel like i’ve eaten too much. i think a lot of it stems from my mum as she has a ton of disordered eating habits and she’s constantly calling me fat. even tho i’m actually underweight (have been my whole life) for my height and age. and well now it’s showing negatively and i hate it, but i can’t find myself doing anything to help it. idk what to anymore, and talking to an adult or professional is out of the book. first; could you tell that it’s okay to still eat even if the day is considered “overeating” and it doesn’t matter how much or what food i eat pls? as well as anything ideas or tips or anything you have. please and thank you

Hey there.

Yes, it is absolutely okay to eat, even if you (or someone else) feel that you have overeaten for the day. If you want to eat or feel hungry, you should eat.

But I know what you mean about it being hard, especially with your mom saying those things.

With folks who make comments about your weight (including your mom), it is almost always about their internal struggles rather than actually being about you. That does not make it okay, but it is sometimes helpful to remember that their issues being projected don't actually make them your problem to deal with.

Something I have found helpful in my ED recovery is setting boundaries surrounding what types of discussions I am open to having with others. For me, that looks like saying "thanks, but I am not looking for (feedback/input/comments) on (my weight/my appearance/what I am eating) right now". That phrasing is polite enough that others don't react with anger, but it is also clear enough that they usually stop for the moment because if they don't, they look like a jerk.

I do a similar thing with discussions about food at/around mealtimes. I usually say "I don't think that is an appropriate discussion for (the dinner table/a meal time/this moment)" if someone brings up calories, dieting, weight, or anything else when we are cooking, eating, or preparing to do those things. Again, it is polite enough that it doesn't cause anger but clear enough to be effective.

Those boundaries usually take repetition. I am a few years into recovery and I still need to remind others of these boundaries, especially during gatherings for whatever the occasion may be.

As for things you can do for yourself, I find that covering the nutrition label with masking tape is helpful. It peels off easily enough that others can look if they need/want to, but it is in the way enough that it deters me from looking at the calorie number. This method works well for me because I have to look at the ingredients for allergy reasons, but I do not need to know the calorie number or exact nutritional breakdown. I cover everything except for the ingredient list and the cooking instructions. You can also do this by re-packaging the food into other containers, just make sure all are labeled with expiration dates and cooking instructions so it stays safe to eat. By doing that, you can use "organization" as the excuse and say it is part of tidying up the fridge/pantry/cabinets/etc.

Meal prepping can also be helpful for avoiding those labels. I tend to make meals and sides that can be frozen easily and I store them in labeled containers. I also write ou approximately how many servings are in that container so I know what to take out on which day. Sometimes I am cooking for myself only, and other times I am cooking for my whole house so I need to make sure I am making enough if it is going to be for more people. But with that method, I can just take out a container of whatever the main dish is, and then I can take out a side dish and heat it all up. It saves time as well and that is a very convenient and understandable reason to give anyone who questions it.

I also encourage you to evaluate your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs about food and weight. Looking into Health At Every Size (HAES) practices can be very helpful in re-framing how you view those things and can help you change your thought patterns to something more sustainable.

Looking at food as fuel is also helpful. Your body needs food to work properly, so you should feed it. You can't drive a car with an empty gas tank. And when you fill it up, as you use the car, it gets empty again and a light turns on to tell you that it is time to put more gas in the car. If you ignore that light and keep driving, the car will eventually run out of gas and it will stop. Your body is the same way. The difference is that for you, as a human instead of a car, your fuel is food rather than gas. You need to eat regularly in order to keep going.

Removing the words healthy/unhealthy from your vocabulary when it comes to food is also helpful. Focusing on taste, texture, and nutritional value that food holds tends to be better. So if you look at a dish of pasta, you can think "wow, these carbs are going to give me so much energy" instead of "this is not a healthy choice".

The same thing goes for safe/unsafe when talking about food. The exception to that is of course foods that are actually harmful (moldy, an allergen, expired, etc). Being mindful of those things will always be important as that is a health hazard, but most foods can be easily evaluated for a health hazard so that should not be a long thought process.

Another bit of advice I have that may or may not apply to you is to stop tracking what you eat/drink and/or what you weigh. Delete any apps you have that do that, throw away the journal that info is in, etc. If tracking that is something you do, stopping may be hard but it is important. If the data isn't there, we can't obsess over it and use it to justify harming ourselves. You can even go a step further and ask to be weighed standing backward at the doctor's office and ask to not be told your weight. Sometimes even if we stop tracking ourselves, being able to see what others are tracking can be difficult so requesting to not know that information is often important. The same thing applies to social media by the way- unfollow all the pro-ED accounts, unfollow anyone who talks about diets, and then follow some recovery content. These are little things but can make a huge difference.

The last thing I will say is that weight does not equal health or value. You are worth it regardless of what you weigh, what you eat, what music you listen to, what your star sign is, etc. You are a whole human and that includes so many layers of individualized things. Don't reduce your being down to what you consume or what you weigh, those things are really not important while other things are, like how you treat others and what you are passionate about. Focusing on a hobby or activity that brings you pleasure is important and will help you remember that there is so much more to you than the things your brain hangs on to.

Hang in there.

Mod Emmett

A Witchy Situation *Oikawa Tooru x Witch! Reader University AU*

You were panicking. The cauldron you had ordered online was not going to make it for the full moon tomorrow night. Frustrated, you tossed your phone to the bed and threw yourself to the ground dramatically, throwing a tantrum like a kid.

‘It’s the moon’s fault, gods damn it! All this energy is making me fucking crazy and now this shitty cauldron wouldn’t make it for my ritual to rid myself off the bad energies this past month!!’, you vented in your mind. 

You continued to weakly pound your fists on your bedroom floor when you suddenly heard the soft pitter patter of the rain. 

“RAIN. WHERE ARE MY JARS?!”, you exclaimed out loud. You were internally thankful that your boyfriend wasn’t home because you cannot for the life of you stutter out a believable explanation on why you were gonna place several mason jars and bowls on your patio. It was enough that you convinced Oikawa that rain water was ‘healthier’ for your indoor plants *it wasn’t* rather than tap water.

You gathered some of your jars, which were empty because you recently performed a protection ritual in your shared apartment, and placed them  carefully on the floor of your patio to catch some rain water that you were going to charge under the full moon tomorrow night. 

As you went back inside, you decided to light some incense to smoke cleanse the apartment and your used tools. You spread them out on the living room floor, carefully putting some crystals to cleanse in a bowl that’s full of salt and the non-soluble ones in a bowl full of the last of your rain water. 

‘It feels to stuffy in here ugh,’ you thought, grimacing as it might influence your behaviour even more. Looking at the clock, you still had about two hours before your boyfriend comes home from practice. You opened the windows and began lighting your incense with the intent of cleansing all the negative energy that roamed around. You started with your used tools and moved to the rest of the apartment. As you went into the kitchen you couldn’t help but stare at the several jars of herbs and spices decorated .. everywhere. 

When you were beginning your craft *which was also the time when you and your boyfriend moved in together*, you suddenly felt the need to stack up on some herbs with different magickal properties despite not doing spells yet. Then came the hoarding of jars, crystals, incense, and of course, candles. But it was mainly herbs that you kept on buying. It wasn’t until Oikawa pointed out that you were wasting money when you could plant your own. And that was the birth of your obsession with plants. 

Two years later, your mini herb garden influenced your hot as fuck boyfriend to also grow his flower and vine garden as well. It was the happiest day of your life when Oikawa brought home three different kinds of flowers and a vine of some sort, saying that you two are going to breath the freshest air with the amount of plants that you have. And you couldn't wish for something more amazing than that.

‘We’re plant parents y/n! Oh! We should name all of them.’

‘They already have names Tooru-’

‘Nonsense! Those are LABELS, y/n-chan. Our plants need more respect and freedom of expression!’

You eventually gave in and now all of the pots of all the plants have names. Yes, your idiotically endearing boyfriend memorised their names like the back of his hand. 

You smiled fondly and shook your head. Sometimes you don’t know if Tooru’s secretly a green witch or something with the way he cares for each of the plants. But nevertheless, you loved it. You loved him.

‘Damn it, I’m simping so hard again. That's his job, not mine! Ugh I love my idiot so much’, you face palmed your most probably red face. 

You finished cleansing the entire apartment and put out the incense, heading towards the bathroom for a shower. 

---

You were just finishing up with your night skin care routine *charged with a beauty sigil and positive intent, obviously* when you heard your front door open. 

“Behold, your prince has come bearing food!”, Oikawa’s voice echoed loudly. It was a saturday so it was Tooru’s turn to buy dinner. It was something you guys talked about. 

You two would always take turns in either buying or making dinner. Even if there was a misunderstanding between the two of you, that ‘treaty’ as Oikawa had put it, would always be followed. One time, there was a particularly large fight between the both of you *you can’t remember anything from it anymore but you two had definitely learned from it * that provoked the both of you to raise your voices at one another. 

You both soon realise your toxic attitude in avoiding problems and bottling it up, letting it burst at the second it was too much to set aside. From then on, no matter how small the issue is in your personal lives, you talk it out while eating dinner. Sure, it might cause a slight disagreement but you two actually preferred it that way rather than letting it boil further into a huge melting pot that may risk a permanent tear in your relationship *yes, you two had opened up about this. And yes, Oikawa is indeed an ugly crier. But hey, at least your problems are solved sooner than later.*

You froze as you remembered that you had accidentally left your witchy stuff out in the open. You weren't particularly closeted but you weren't ready to tell your boyfriend. You were sure though that he already had a hunch once you hoarded some stuff that you normally didn’t pay attention to. And with his knowledge of extraterrestrials and the unknown, it’s going to shock you if he still doesn't suspect you of being a witch.

You quickly put down your brush and rushed to meet your now suspiciously quiet boyfriend. You found him crouched on the floor poking at the crystals in your salt bowl while holding your wand in the other hand. 

“Tooru! You’re home! ahahaha, that’s nothing to be,” you closed off your book of witchcraft that was bearing a chapter introduction to blood magick. “thought about too much,” you said nervously, tucking your arms behind you as you stared off to the side. He looked up at you while his eyebrows were furrowed in confusion.

“..One of your crystals are kinda goopy and kinda melting there in the water y/n-chan,” Oikawa pointed at your bowl full of rain water. 

“Eh?”, you stared back at him.

It was an awkward silence after a few moments, neither knew how to react. He blinked at you.

And you blinked back at him.

...

“...crap, my Selenite.”

“Uh.. yeah. It’s kinda dissolving so I think you should take it out”

You snapped out of it and quickly sat beside him to attempt to salvage your water soluble crystal. The said crystal doesn’t even NEED to be cleansed. It was partially dissolved and your eye twitched, thinking that this was such a rookie mistake and you were a stupid witch and now your boyfriend probably thinks that you’re crazy and-

“I have food. Wanna talk about it?”, Oikawa smiled softly, letting go of your wand and began arranging the food on the table.  

You looked at him, surprised that he was taking these things lightheartedly. The man even had a smile on his pretty face and was humming some kind of happy song. 

The two of you fell in a semi-comfortable silence as both of you ate.

Oikawa looked at you with an unreadable expression. It made a literal waterfall of sweat drop down behind your back despite the cool temperature. He put down his chopsticks and laced his hands on the table. The opening of his mouth to speak seemed like it was on slow motion and you were preparing yourself for the worst.

‘Oh gods, here it comes’, you thought, panicking more and more.

.

.

.

.

.

“Sooo... can you curse someone for me?”

“Eh?”

“I have this weird classmate who just kept on clicking his pen repeatedly during exams and it’s SO FRUSTRATING. Like-”

“Now wait a damn minute pretty boy,” your eyes twitched at his literal dismissal of the not-so-normal things that he just saw. “Y-you’re not gonna break up with me? Or like say that I should be burned while tied to a post??” At this point you probably blinked your eyes out at his unexpected reaction.

“Why would I do that? You’re still my girlfriend, right?” he tilted his head to the side before his eyes widened and he gasped loudly. “UNLESS YOU’RE NOT?!!! BAD DEMON. GET OUT OF MY BEAUTIFUL GIRL’S HOT BODY. I’LL GET THE SALT, I SWEAR!” Oikawa exclaimed while reaching towards the salt shaker on the end of the table *it wasn’t salt lol*.

“WHAT- NO YOU IDIOT! IT’S ME-”

“THAT’S WHAT DEMONS SAY AAAHH. Y/N-CHAN THERE’S A SHAPE SHIFTER DOWN HERE TRYING TO KILL ME. IT WANTS TO DONATE MY ORGANS FOR POWER.” 

“DEMONS DON’T EVEN DO THAT. TOORU THAT’S NOT EVEN THE SALT, THAT’S SUGAR-”

Let’s just say it took a while to convince your overdramatic boyfriend that it was you. 

Okay so I know a lot of people think the theme of bnha is that everyone should be saved and that heroes and villains are the same, and changing hero society, but I've been thinking maybe it's not. Of course a story can have multiple themes but Idk if it's main theme is corruption or at least in the way most villain stans want. I think instead it might be about positive personal growth vs negative personal growth/stagnation. (1)

(2) a lot of characters have realized they had a problem or reacted negatively to something and decided to actively change & do better. Iida realizes he was wrong and failed as a hero by caring more for his revenge then saving someone. Shoto realizes he's been so focused on spitting his dad he pushed people away, bakugou realizes he was a bully to deku and is now working to change that,Endeavor realized he hurt his family for selfish goal and aims to atone as best he can (-)

(3)Meanwhile the villains mostly stay the same, or take the wrong thing away from situations they could have learned from. They embrace their negative qualities and never seek to change their core character. Dabi has killed people and lives only to make his dad suffer, not caring he hurts the same people he should be helping (his siblings and mom). Toga hurt her classmate and decided to runaway and live how she wanted, killing whoever caught her eye. (-)

(4)Shigaraki remembered he killed his family and how traumatized he was and yet takes away from that memory that he should continue to destroy. Twice was arguably the only villain who made progress, which if this is a theme in bnha then I will say that the narrative was saying Hawks was wrong to kill him, and that his arc will be realizing his mistake in some way, though not because he was evil but because he his distance from others stopped him from emotionaly appealing to Twice, (-)

(5)Who he possibly could have saved if he let himself be more emotional and not just the calm hero he was trained to be. Sorry this so long I didn't mean to meta in ur asks but it got longer then I thought😭

While I agree with you about one of BNHA’s theme is about personal growth and whether that becomes a positive thing or a negative thing (and stagnates them as a result), I would argue that Twice falls into the same bad habits as the rest of the villains.

He made positive personal growth towards overcoming his trauma and some of his mental health issues (or at least not allowing them to hold him back when it comes to helping those he views as friends and family), however he also took a huge step back as a villain because he ended up doubling down just like Shigaraki did. But for Twice, it wasn’t about destroying things, it was about his view of the world being “us vs them” as you see he has no hesitance to kill those he views to go against him and refuses to listen to reason as a result.

We see clearly when he instantly rejects Hawks offer of help and labelled him as an enemy because he wasn’t on his side. He refused to listen to what Hawks had to say and went on the attack instead, trying mutliple times to get the hand that wanted to help him to be burned alive. If anything, the narrative wasn’t showing us that Hawks was wrong, it was showing us that Twice was, and because of his actions, it led to his death.

Now, Hawks will have guilt over what he did and will think he didn’t do enough to help Twice however I think the manga has made it pretty clear that he did. He used his genuine emotions to try and appeal to Twice, it was just Twice who refused to see it (as we saw whenever it was from Twice’s POV, Hawks face was always shadowed symbolising that Twice didn’t want to see Hawks genuine emotions).

He also tried to help him and gave him many chances to take his hand and even when Twice didn’t he still wanted to bring him in alive anyway (and Hawks isn’t the type of person who wouldn’t help someone just because they rejected his offer the first time, if Twice had been brought in alive, he most likely would have continued to try and get through to him).

The Hawks/Twice confrontation showed us really how black and white a view the villains feelings towards heroes has become, especially Twice, who’s whole story is about people not offering a hand to help him, not recognizing someone giving him the hand he had always wanted.

(Sorry, I feel very strongly about this scene XD)

SUN IN Pisces ♓️

Ruler: Neptune/Jupiter ( ancient astrology ).

Stone: Rose Quartz and Amethyst.

Nickname: The vessel

The lost mermaid who longs for a home in the real world. This being is someone complicated made by desires, fantasy, dreams and hopes who are felt in their heart. They have a delusional approach to life and their perception of things is abstract. They experience the world like images they build in their mind. A colourful personality with strong desire to express their feelings on what they feel is right. Their signature characteristic is their empathy, which they also use as a weapon. Another trait is their ability to shape their personalities in what they feel to be at the moment. They can go from the sexy person to the nerdy one in a blink of an eye. One of the most underestimated qualities is their ability to find logic in chaos. For that reason they are great at solving other people’s problems and especially those who lead a chaotic life. They identity however is rarefied and influenced by other people’s energy. In a group they tend to replicate the mannerisms and lifestyle of their friends. This can lead to lose their identity, thinking something they are actually aren’t. They long to find their place in the world and to feel like they are human being. They crave acceptance but find hard to detach. They think their light is always outshined, which is not true. You truly make people feel seen for that reason you become our light. Your shadow side is gloomy. You can become disillusioned and bitter. You could have the tendency to curse and damn everything around you as well God or any other entityies you believe in, labeling them as the main cause of your misfortunes. You could become like a polluted ocean. You could engage in behaviors that are risky not only to your health like heavy drinking and use drugs, but also for who does love you. Another remarkable bad traits could be you feeling that you deserve better from the world, which is also can be true, still walking in this line of self-destruction is not a good way to protest actually you are helping it. I must say that you can be also very generous, but at the same time opportunistic.

Sun in Pisces in the 1st house:

You try to assert and bring life to your character in a quirky yet bubbly fashion. You want that your personality shines for what it is instead of camouflaging yourself. Even if you will find some resistence in your way with people who don’t understand you, like Luna Lovegood you can bounce back again and find strenght in your sensitivity and being aware that you are being yourself.

Sun in Pisces in the 2nd house:

You are a giver and find yourself in taking care of who you love like a very doting grandmother or grandfather. You don’t care about expenses if that makes your family happy. For you the most important things are your people and their needs. This matter for you is as important as paying bills. Can treasures stuff like stones and other things that you see as having magical properties.

Sun in Pisces in the 3rd house:

You are more keen about informations that you analyze with your gut. You can be very good at deciphering and feel when there something that is missing just by pure intution. You could find easier to text then to talk with people.

Sun in Pisces in the 4th house:

You find your home not even in your physical home but in your mind and inner world. You could like to isolate yourself and be contemplative. Like to reflect and wonder. You could have a dad who was the kept one. Your family could descend from a witchy or psychic lineage.

Sun in Pisces in the 5th house:

You could be someone who is cordial but elusive. Someone who is really fun to be around but prefer cultivating their talents which include crafting arts. Can feel a strong magnetic pull toward children and teaching them stuff or to tell fairy-tales to impress them. The father can be the figure who inspired them to never give up on their passions and could have tought them how to draw or play an instrument.

Sun in Pisces in the 6th house:

The native can easily put others’s needs before their own. You can be pleasant, cheery and helpful. At times too much which can compromise your health. You can easy stress yourself out even if you don’t want to believe it. You can be the more realistic PIsces and the one who accustomes more to the harsh realty. You try to be the optimistic one even when confronted with hardships and negativity.

Sun in Pisces in the 7th house:

The native is an hopeless romantic and can be sacrificing. They could envision their life like a fairy tale and prone to not feel alive if they don’t have a companion. It’s not rare that this native can be too much depedent on what his spouse or lover thinks. Sometimes this behaviour stems from losing the affection of someone if they don’t act as someone ask them to. It could be also an indicator  that your father may left you to seek other things.

Sun in PIsces in the 8th house:

This individual is gifted with great emotional intelligence which can use for bad and good. Is someone who can be darkned by the house itself. The native can react badly when confronted with lies and create more damage. They can also have fear to be not strong enough in relationships and to fail in build a loving relatioship. They could sabotage their relationship by being manipulative and making themselves look the victim. They could find hard to discern behaviours and deceive themselves by looking only the bad side of it. They can be pessimistic, however if they learn to be more obejctive and to keep their thoughts in check they can be a great supporter of others. Judgemental.

Sun in Pisces in the 9th house:

Visionary and a reader. Well-rounded and open minded. Someone wise and patient. It’s someone who likes to expolre ideas and to feel the world like an alien who is for the first time on earth. As much they would like to explore and be in nature, they could find moving and travelling scary. They could get lost easily and bewildered in the mass. Attracted by movies and libraries. Some them can use precognition if other aspects confirms psychic abilities.

Sun in Pisces in the 10th house:

Who I want to be, who am I and what I need to “be” to be. Those are the questions that probably are inside the native. They don’t know what they are and usually morph in many characters until they find that their personality which is a kaleidoscope and multilayered.They can be influenced by the views of other people and defined by it. The native seeks to become one with the world to portray their life like a movie and be known for their being “something else”. Dreaming big is their trademark characteristic. It wouldn’t be strange if they in their childhood desired to be a princess or king as a job.

Sun in Pisces in the 11th:

This individual in order to feel alive must have a group or mission to identify with. The native is humanitarian, compassionate and is moved easliy. Has a soft spot for people who are slaves, suffering or ill. They can feel obliged to take other people’s cause. They also can be seductive and innovative. They are interested in all social stigmas and are very hospitable. Even if they are one of the most selfless people you may ever met, still this doesn’t mean that they will trust you or let you in their world. They can be extremely reserved but will be outspoken regarding ideas that will help improve the world.

Sun in Pisces in the 12th:

Their vibration is probably the nearest to the veil and the other world. They can seem so distant, closed and complex because they belong more to something that hasn’t anything to do with the living. They can be extremely sensitive to any energies and are fascinating. They are ghostly and listeners. Their eyes dart around suspiciously and confused. They find hard to explain themselves because for them is like having one foot to one side and the other on the other side. They can be called as having the head in the clouds, but you will never know what they are experiencing there chaos, imprisonment or freedom. They have a soft spot for people who have mental illnesses which really often they think to have a link with. They could have felt to have something wrong since childhood and that could also emphasized by their family who didn’t believe them. The word that probably they could be identified with is outcast.

Little secret

“Honestly, only you could like  a place like this!” It’s not a big phrase, after all it’s just a fact, you showed mny many times to like kind of creepy like thing. The real thing that started to irritated you was more the constant degradation coming from the brunette behind you. You and Victoria weren’t friends, you were two people in the same group of friends, and that it’s completely different. It wasn’t even like you didn’t like her, she was an average girl like you.....just really bitchy, aggressive, far more capable around people than you and other thing, and you were you, and maybe that was enough  to hirritate her. You never understand why she hate you so much, and you didn’t want to know, but for the sake of the other memebers of your group you had just decided to  let go, but on this particularly trip in Louisiana she became particularly creative on how piss you off. The only thing you wanted was to have a good time with your friend doing camping, and now you and the only girl that enjoy just unsettle you around, mocking you and show off were forced to find the nearest city, Ambrose in this case, to find a phone because the driver of your van had forgotten to bring an extra bottle of motor oil.  You two were determinated to just not to be near each other, so you just ignored a pair of important signals that should have warned you, like a completely empty city and the most strange kind of museum that you had ever saw in your life.  It was incredible, the entire structure was made completely of wax! That place should have supposed to be in the Guinnes book!!! Victoria was...less impressed, bragging about the discomfort of the place. Inside was not different, even the forniture were made of wax! You two were able to notice this fact was when you posed ypur hand on the near library in a twenties syle room, and you check the books, the lamp, the flower...all made of wax! Being an artistic creature of your own, how could you not find this place amazing? Whoever was the creator of this museum, he sure was capable to deceive the eyes of the viewer! The only artist that had tried to do something like this was Dalì with his bread room, but compared to this masterpiece even the Barcelonan artist was overshadowed! But Victora was just...her. She didn’t get it all, just started to bragging how that place was creepy, you had just decide to not listen to her, untill the last sentence. “Well, it’s a you problem...” “Oh please, you creep out everybody with that notebook of yours! Drawing all that stuff...” “It’s none business what i do with my stuff Victoria. I don’t complain about the amount of alcohol that you swallow, or the the deadly breath that you bring around when you smocking pot or all the thing that i find annoying about you...” Your were more occupied on admiring the strutcure, but your ears pointing out the irritation of the girl behind your back by the movement of her shoes on the floor. “At least my friends did not bring me around just beuse they know i’ll be a looner all summer like somebody else!” Aaaaah, the old loser trap card, how did you not missed this. You weren’t that much of social, okay? But it wasn’t a big problem, if people didn’t want you around them they would have just left you in the big city...right? Well fuck Victoria and her fucking ability to just stab you  in the right place, you were that nervous that you just started to move around the museum, ignoring not only the surroinding, but even the muffled sound from the twenties room. “Oh yeah! I’m sooooo sorry, you know?! I’m so sorry that i prefer to stay on my own! I’m so in despair to know that i don’t follow all of those fucking tendencies like you and the others, that people prefer girls like you that and just think that girls like me should just go die in a pit because all society just don’t care about....” ....did you just hear a yelp of a dog? In your rage, you find yourself in another room...the prettyest one too, it was like one of those old victorian greenhouse, that too made of wax of course, like the plants too. The only difference?....there was a dog there.  On first sight, yur first idea was that, maybe, that was a fake dog, like all things inside that museum, but the sounds that it was making and the unmistakable movement of his torso surprise you! There it was, on four, looking at your direction, almost curious maybe? It was a medium size,white and black, and it wasn’t exactely something that you would have connected with a guard dog, since it wasn’’t even charging or barking at you. He was just there, watching you, trying to understand if you were a threat or not... “..OH! Hello buddy! What are you doing here???” Ok, no threat! You kneeling in front of him, stretching a hand  carefully to evitate to scare him all of sudden, and he reacted pretty well too! Still unsure about your intention, the dog dares to take a few step in your direction, sniffing your skin, and when finally it realized that maybe you weren’t so bad, it’s started to rub his on your palm, wagging his tail in the moment it sensed your nail scratching his throat side. “You’re such a good boy...uh?” The collar on throat showed a little rudimental, lamost handmade, metal label with a nome on it. “Sparky?...it’s your name? It’s adorable Sparky!” Completely absorved by the animal at your feet, you didn’t have the chance to sense the presence at your back, watching you carefully and moving without make a sound...but a dog is a naive creature, and Sparky had recognize only his owner, joyfully barking and reaching him. Only then you finally turn around, finally facing the first human being besides you and Victoria in that city. “Oh...um....it’s yours? I didn’t know, he was just sitting here alone and...” Silence, he wasn’t talking, and he was...strange. You weren’t capable to fully observe his face, covered in those that were his hair, a long raven mass that almost reached the hand of his back, messy and almost uncured. His clothes weren’t that different, boots covered in mud and something else that you didn’t dare to understand, a sweater that maybe a long time ago was white but lost his color for a new brownish shade, the trousers were hided behind an black leather apron. Again, your distraction on his look didn’t let you notice the position of his arm, like he was holding something behibnd his back, something that had already stained the unseen part of his sweater and that was ready to take care of you. He was ready to strik, until... “....Wait...a-are you the owner of the museum?.....you made all of this???” He stopped, your eyes were glued on his face, jesturing your finger on his apron, covered in now cold wax. Wait, why weren’t you scared? Didn’t you get a good look on his face? Maybe you didn’t get the max... You move closer, completely uneffected by his appearence, with a gleem in your eyes. “Did you???” Still unsure, and still with a  vice grip on whatever now he was hiding from you on his back, he made a simple movements with his head. “Oh my gosh you’re incredible! I never met someone that could have done something so amazing like this place! And it’s all hand made! You must be a genious!” His posture changed, it was more like a deer in front of a car, unsure of what was happening but still mesmerized by the situation. You liked his museum?! Usually he never get compliments like those, but the light in your eyes...you were sincere! Nobody ever was able to get so near him...at least alive....and you were a few inches from him, more interested on know the creator of this majestic palace. “If i knew there was a place like this i would have stopped by ages ago! Me and my...friend...have come here to find some motor oil, but it looks like the city is empty ...did you maybe know where we could find some?” This time he moves his head , gesturing a negative response. Well it wasn’t completely but still... Strange, he didn’t say a word from the moments he saw you..maybe he was mute... “....Oh ...well, just my luck....well i’ll fetch my friend and go back, maybe you saw her here too?” He do had node his head, but then he gestured the outside of the structured, and moved his finger, imitating a legs movements. “...Did she just leave me here?! That fucking...urg....” Trying to contains every derogatory adjective for the girl that seemed to have leaved you alone in a freacking ghost city, the mysterious man take his time to study your face. Maybe you two weren’t in a good term... Taking back your composure, you passed a hand in your (H/L) hair. Well, better for you! Victoria was usefull in the wild like toaster in a desert! Complaining about everything every five minutes! Finally some piece, and if you were lucky enough, she could have become a bear snack for the day! “..Sorry, it has been a really long day...i have to go back to my friend, sorry for the intrusion in your home...” He moved aside, give you space  between him and the dog to let you pass, but before getting out from the green house you stopped again, like you had forgotten something. “Oh yes! Anyway my name is Y/N!” Exctending your hand, you only find him far more confused from before, and after had finally understand your intentions, he started to to search something in his pocket. That something was an old piece of paper, something that maybe must have been part of a sketch book, and what that had remained of a black crayon. He really was mute, but maybe he was used to people to not get it the first time, sicne he hand to you what is was his writed name. Taking it, you finally met completely the artist. “Vincent Sinclair......It’s your name?...It’s cute! I like it!” Before he could take away his hand, you fully take it and shake it gently, sensing his skin through your palm. It wasn’t bad, it was strange feeling, maybe for the remaining presence of wax on it, but still normal somehow. When you released his hand, he stayed there, completely absorved bu your gesture. “Well...see you around Vin!”

//////////

From the inside, Vincent was able to take some last shots of you, just enough to memorize your body before the others structures could completely cancel your presence from the little city.  What had just happen in his house? Did he let a victim get away? But you were so strange, so...different. You didn’t scream at his presence, you didn’t find his museum creepy, you find it amazing...you find Vincent amazing. Abandoned the knife, covered in blood from his previous victim, now well hided in his workshop, Vincent started to finally reassemble his actions, he did let you go, but he lied to you about the girl....Well you weren’t that happy when he told that little lie, but still why did he do that? He didn’t want to scared you? He was confused, but still in that momemnt something happen in his mind. When he was thinking about someone his thoughts were about the utility of that subject in his museum, but now he wanted to...know you? He wanted to meet you again? More, he wanted to sculpture you something, he wanted to draw your face and make many anatomy study. He wanted... No wait...he did let you go...If Bo ever found out about that it would be the beginning of many troubles! No, Vincent would never allow that, he loves his brother but you were different, a complete stranger that weren’t scared of him, you were nice! Yes, he needed to keep the secret, even from Lester, he wasn’t cruel like Bo but he wasn’t good on keeping secrets...secrets...A part of Vincent liked that idea....

You were Vincent little secret...