#and fight my brain to even get finished or else i fear losing a basic need im barely affording already
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If you use apple and shit on android users just know that im so sorry you can't find validation and recognition from your peers unless you can buy a status symbol brand 😔 this isn't to say that one brand is superior to another its more like "what defines you outside of it?". this goes for name brand clothing and anything else that you couldn't see value in without the little logo, too
if you are malleable enough to be told what you should like and value by people trying to sell you the answer then maybe it wouldn't hurt to look for an answer that isn't bought
#niatigra#rambling#im just as guilty of this. i mean shit pokemon is something that is so important to me along with other branded concepts and things#but ive been digging internally to see what those things are more broadly satiating my interests#i think maybe i love animals and being able to identify them and their needs and the roles they play in the world#maybe art isnt something ive necessarily always wanted to sell but to share#and what better way to share than to give#but i cant just give. i cant afford to#but if i could afford all the supplies and all the things i need to live and thrive without having to sell it or market it#and fight my brain to even get finished or else i fear losing a basic need im barely affording already#i would give away every single thing i make if it made someone happy to enjoy it#especially if i made it just for them or was asked to make it for the.#them'#the rush of being seen and appreciated for what i do out of love and kindness is like nothing else#i dont make thing for more popular creators to try and get attention leeched away from them. at least i dont intend it#i make things for people because theyre people that impact me and i want to reciprocate in the way i do best#im sure this is gonna get dogged on if not ignored but im okay with that.#just saying it matters i think. and the people who do see it i hope it resonates with#people are people. power a peraon holds or can use against me or for me doesnt change that#idk
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Waking Comfort (Bela Dimitrescu/Reader)
Fandom: Resident Evil: Village
Rating: T for language, brief violence (in a flashback), implied/referenced trauma (unspecified)
Warnings: N/A
Summary: Unable to sleep on a cold day, Bela Dimitrescu tries to find comfort in her favorite servant... only to end up being the one doing the comforting.
Notes: This is super self indulgent, because my dreams have been murdering me recently. Reader is a selective mute/partially nonverbal, implied neurodivergent (unspecified), gender neutral but written with a non-binary person in mind, with non-specific past trauma. Basically this is somewhat of a self-insert fic but I've smudged some lines to make it more relatable for other people.
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In the early hours of the day, when the sun had yet to reach its peak, a cold quiet fell over Castle Dimitrescu. Most inhabitants were of a nocturnal persuasion, and lay sleeping soundly at this hour. Those few that thrived in the sun moved softly, with caution, daring not to awaken their masters. Oh, if only they knew that one Lady of the house was awake, prowling the corridors with marked intent. What a chill it would send down their spines- what lovely fear would permeate the household.
Ah, but that was not what Bela Dimitrescu desired, at least not for now. No, what she needed was something she would never admit out loud. It was a “base” need, one that all humans felt, and so she feared that it was beneath her. There was only one person that she could trust for this: A servant, experienced in all matters needed of them, level-headed, compassionate… and, most importantly, selectively mute.
Over the past year, Bela had found herself growing closer to you, much to her own surprise. The two of you had started to bond through reading, after you had helped her reorganize a mess in the library (left by none other than Lady Daniela). Since then, you had proven to be a valuable ally, always finding creative solutions to the family’s problems. From jury-rigging a set of climbing gear for repairs, to proof-reading all formal letters, there was hardly any part of Bela’s life that you hadn’t assisted with. All while only ever saying two or three sentences- short ones, at that.
Neither of you would ever forget the first (and only) time you spoke out loud. A would-be hunter had infiltrated the estate, through a damaged skylight (which you later repaired), intending to prove his worth by killing the nobility inside. By the time Bela arrived, after being notified by a terrified maiden, she found the situation had already been aptly handled. There you had stood, clutching an ornate, bloodied cane like a club. In front of you had been the unconscious hunter.
“You could have been hurt!” Bela had snapped, unable to stop herself, glad that her sisters hadn’t arrived yet. Then you had glanced at the man, then her, then back to the man. Something uncharacteristically dark had danced in your eyes.
“He said he was going to save me… from you. Called me defenseless,” you had snarled, poking the man with your cane as you did. “Rude.” Before Bela even had a chance to react, her sisters had appeared, disappointed to find the fight already over. They had fought over who would get to kill the hunter, and somewhere in that chaos you had slipped away without another word.
That day had replayed itself in Bela’s mind hundreds of times in her mind. Though she would not readily admit it, that had been the day that her casual affection for you had started to turn into something more serious. These days she didn’t even know how to describe your relationship- after all, you had never told her how you felt. But you had held her, closely, fingers running through her hair while she fought off memories from someone else’s life. Held her in your arms, as she held you, staving off the cold like it was all you had ever known.
This was what she wanted. Your touch, your comfort. All that stood in her way was a familiar question: Where were you? Master of your environment, schedule constantly in flux, you were rarely where anyone expected you to be, especially when you were prone to taking on whatever tasks others hadn’t had time to finish. So Bela searches, quickly, around places the day-shift tends to gather. She’s careful not to be seen, even though she knows the maidens aren’t likely to gossip where her family might hear. In the end she catches a hint of your scent near the servants’ quarters, and curses herself for not checking there sooner.
Your room is one of the only single-occupancy rooms in this wing. Only senior staff were allowed within these places, most of them rotating out as they “lost their usefulness”. The fact that you had slept in the same bed every night for six months was a testament to your skill. It’s the kind of thought that brings Bela some semblance of warmth in her chest. Still, the thought alone is not enough, so she slowly eases your door open.
Her ears strain against the silence, listening for the pattern of your breathing, or the telltale murmurs that would announce your awakening. Instead, the first things she hears are little gasps, then the shifting of fabric. Dreams of some sort have you turning and tossing, lungs getting hungry in their pursuit of air. It’s not immediately clear whether or not you are enjoying the dream. Were these good gasps, like those that Daniela often cooed about when she praised her maiden? Or were these the same kind that sometimes haunted Bela herself?...
A whimper cuts through the air, and suddenly Bela loses all patience. Practically running, she crosses the room in an instant, concern etched into her brow. One hand cautiously reaches for your blanket, pulling it back enough for her to slide in next to you. It’s a risk, one that could make you wake up with a panic, but it’s one she’s willing to take. After all, she had asked you about this sort of thing before. Though you couldn’t form full sentences, you had experience “miming” things, and Bela was quite clever with her “yes or no” questions.
When she carefully wraps an arm around your waist, she does so with confidence. Beneath her touch you stiffen, back going as tense as possible, but you stop shaking. A few more gasps leave you, and Bela wonders whether or not she should wake you up. Less than a minute later the decision is made for her. All the sudden your gasping turns to a sharp exclamation, body jerking hard, eyes snapping open. Tension coils through your muscles, driving your already overstimulated brain overboard.
Before Bela can even try to comfort you, you sit up, quickly turning so your legs dangle off the edge of the bed. Muffled sobs pass your lips as you hold your face in your hands. Memories struggle against each other behind your eyes, blocking out every other sensation. Your jaw is clenched, hard, and you struggle to breathe between shakes. A hand touches your back, but quickly moves when you flinch in response. It takes a minute for you to even process who else is with you. Once you do, some of the tension bleeds from your body.
“If you’d rather be alone right now, I understand,” Bela says, quietly, as soon as she thinks you’ll be able to understand her. For a moment you can’t bring yourself to respond, and you can feel her side of the mattress shifting, like she’s getting ready to leave. Panic springs up in your chest again, so you quickly reach a hand out in her direction. Thankfully she knows what to expect at this point, easily finding your hand in the dark, gently taking it within her own. “One squeeze for yes, two for no?”
You squeeze, once.
“Do you want me to hold you?” Bela asks, trying to hide the hopefulness in her voice. It makes you pause, considering, even though you’re still overwhelmed by your sensory inputs. In the end you squeeze her hand twice. “No worries, my dear. Don’t be tempted to push yourself just for my sake.” Somehow she always knew how to read you like an open book. Even with the… difficulty of communicating with you. Not that she had ever complained, or even thought about it. Knowing you, and caring for you, made any effort feel as easy as breathing.
A few minutes pass without another word being said. Sometimes Bela gives your hand a little squeeze, just to check in, and you always return it. Soon enough your brain starts to relax, loosening its vice-like grip on your motor controls. Once again you can ease the tension in your muscles. Then you find yourself rubbing your thumb against Bela’s hand, moving in soft circular motions, head turning so you can smile at her. Even if it’s too dark for you to see much, you know that her eyes see you just fine.
“Feeling any better?” She asks, donning a smile of her own. One squeeze. “Is there anything more I can do to help?” A pause, then one squeeze. Now that your limbs don’t feel as staticky, there’s only one thing on your mind: Cuddling. You’re moving before you know it, briefly letting go of Bela’s hand so you can get closer to her, pressing your face into her neck and giving her a soft kiss. Then you’re falling against the bed, on your side, looking up at your partner with a grin. It doesn’t take her long to get the message, shifting back onto her side so she can hold you for real this time. One of your hands goes to rest on her back, to serve as your translator for the rest of the night. “I love you,” Bela says, without even thinking.
She freezes up afterwards, realizing that this is the first time she’s ever said the words out loud to you. For a moment she’s scared, a feeling alien to her, but she refuses to back down. It pays off a few seconds later, incredibly so, when you return the words the best way you can: One squeeze.
#bela dimitrescu#bela dimitrescu x reader#resident evil: village#re8 village#glorified self insert#self indulgence at its finest#is this even in character??#or am I just lonely and prone to incredibly intense nightmares#hopefully ~somebody~ enjoys#especially after the last serenade chapter right?
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S/O Loses Memory and Quirk
Todoroki, Bakugou, and Kirishima HCs
Genre: Angst
Warnings: Language, violence, mentions of stab wounds and blood, a panic attack, spoiler for Bakugou’s hero name, sad bois
A/N: So I had two requests that mentioned these three with this concept and I just finished all of them and I’m so proud that I wanted to post these ones before the other two for Denki and All Might were finished but I’ll get those out as soon as possible. I cried writing Bakugou’s, so... there’s that HAHA please enjoy!
Here’s the first one with Shinsou, Aizawa, Hawks, and Dabi!
Todoroki Shouto | Shouto
Shouto knows you’re a strong woman and that he doesn’t need to constantly be there to protect you
But he does prefer to be there if something bad is happening
The only problem is that you two went to two different agencies after graduating
And in doing so were on opposite sides of the city
Now he always knew when something was happening on your hero route because I mean
He actually needs to in case something bad happens since it’s his JOB
But he also just really wants to be there for you if you really need it
There hasn’t been a time like that, though
So imagine his utter shock and genuine fear when that time came
He was told to go to where you were patrolling because you’d been attacked and wound up in the hospital
You know the scene with the flame tear? Yeah that but times ten
He goes on patrol like a good little hero
But boy oh BOY did he just want to go to the hospital
You’d never lost a fight before
Not even against him
Your quirk was literally the most powerful quirk he’s ever seen and I mean like, yeah, sure, he might be biased but STILL you were really powerful
So what kind of villain could hurt you so bad you had to go to the hospital???
Luckily, he only had an hour left of patrolling
And as soon as that hour was up
Mans bolted
He was OFF
He ran into that hospital
And he politely asked where your room was
Because although he’s PANICKING he still is a little socially awkward sweetie and he doesn’t wanna be a dick to anyone and be labeled similar to his father no no NO
But as soon as he got the number he was sprinting man
He was so worried
All patrol he was quieter than usual
And he was ridiculously anxious the whole time
His palms were sweaty
He felt like he could throw up at any second
And right now
He thought his heart was about to beat out of his chest
He carefully opens the door
You might be sleeping, he has to be considerate
And sure enough he sees your unconscious form laying in a hospital bed
It looked like you had some broken bones, and multiple bruises and cuts which means someone must have beat the shit out of you
Lovely
That’s what he needed to see
Definitely
Mans doesn’t show emotion that much
But when it comes to you and since it was just you and him in the room
He broke down crying
He couldn’t help it
He grabbed your hand
And just sat there crying
Poor guy can’t lose you
You were the best thing that ever happened to him 🥺
You showed him that it was okay to feel things and express those things and let people in
He let you in and he couldn’t let you go now
He was a genuine mess for the next couple of weeks
Because you weren’t waking up
He went against what Midoriya said and asked around about what happened to you
And what he heard was horrific
Apparently the villain snuck up on you
And hit you in a few different places
And then you fell down
And then you couldn’t access your quirk
And that’s why you were in the hospital
He didn’t want to think about the part that happened after you were virtually defenseless
Around his friends he was spacier than usual
He wasn’t really retaining information
And his agency let him take more days off than usual because they knew he was Going Through It
And luckily on one of those days you woke up
He was next to you as per usual
Holding your hand
Playing with your fingers like he always does when he gets anxious
He missed being able to do that in social situations
Or when you two were cuddling at night and he was thinking about something that was stressing him out and he would start to fiddle with your hand and you would ask him what’s wrong
He missed you
So when he felt your hand start to move by itself
He basically gave himself whiplash with how fast he looked from your hand to your face
Sure enough
Your eyes were open
And you were looking at him
“(Y/n)…”
He whispered your name as not to scare you
You could have a concussion or mild amnesia
He has already considered everything that could be wrong with you
Because he overthinks a lot
And he was nervous about this
And there was one thing he had in the back of his mind
That would probably be the worst case scenario
And much to his fears
That was confirmed to be what was going on almost immediately
“Todoroki?”
He just stares for a moment
You hadn’t called him Todoroki since… well, a long time now
Probably back in your UA days
The two of you began dating in your second year though so
It’s been a while
“You look… older..?”
He clears his throat
Nodding
“Yes. Well… I am 20 years old now. I would hope I look older.”
“Wait, what?”
Oh shit.
He just confused you.
Damnit, Shouto.
“Uhh… well, um. You see…”
“Todoroki what is going on? And why are you holding my hand like that?”
He freezes
He was still playing with your fingers
And it wasn’t that you didn’t want him to
You were just genuinely confused
He knew that
“Before I say anything else that could be detrimental to your mental health, maybe you should ring your nurse.”
You do as he says
And the nurses and a doctor come rushing into your room
They do some evaluations
And sure enough
Your memory has been completely wiped
As has the access to the portion of your brain that allows you to control your quirk
The doctor explains to Todoroki that he’s unsure of how this happened
Bu Todoroki knows it has to be that villain
Whatever that villain did did this to you
And Todoroki isn’t one to show emotions
But boy oh BOY was he riled up right now
He lowkey accidentally caught something on fire
And then to fix it lowkey on purpose just turned it into a block of ice
Even though Endeavor is the worst man on the planet
Mans is persistent on shit that’s for sure
And that’s like
The only trait Shouto got from that literal dumpster fire of a father
And he wasn’t about to let the piece of shit that hurt you get away with it
Of course, when it comes to you as a person he’s very patient
Very understanding
Respects boundaries
But he will not REST
Until the motherfucker who did this to you gets caught by him
And he will find them.
Bakugou Katsuki | DynaMight
OH BOY HERE WE GO
So Bakugou was already very protective over you
I mean that’s expected though
It’s
It’s literally Bakugou
So mans has tabs on you at all times
You don’t know how he does it tbh
He jokes
Yes, Bakugou can joke
He jokes about having a sixth sense when it comes to you
He just gets this feeling about you
If you’re sad? He knows
Happy? He knows
In danger? MANS KNOWS
And I guess he also has a GPS built into his brain???
He just
He knows
Probably because he cares extremely deeply about you
Like really fucking deeply
You’re the best thing that has ever happened to him
Ever since high school
First day
When you weren’t intimidated by him
There was just something special about you
And even though it took until after graduation and you almost DYING on a mission for him to finally accept that he can FEEL THINGS
He officially asked you to be his girlfriend
I say officially because, well
Y’all have basically been dating since like
Second year of high school
Even though it wasn’t official
It was obvious
He was whipped
He still is
He’s known you for five years
You’ve been officially dating for two of those years
You were unofficially dating for four
You were the most important thing in his life
You even surpassed becoming the number one hero somehow
Though he will NEVER admit that
EVER
It took him a while to realize it
But the thought of living without you?
Scared him more than any villain ever could
And that is why
Mans is all dressed up
Lookin nice
Took a day off of patrol at his agency because tonight is a special night
Of course, you don’t know anything
As it should be
He didn’t tell a soul that he was planning on proposing tonight
Okay… maybe that is a lie
He told Kirishima when he got blackout drunk with the boys one night
Long story, don’t ask how it happened, even the boys don’t know
And Kirishima then proceeded to tell everyone of his other friends
So they all knew
But they also all knew to keep it a FUCKING SECRET unless they wanted blown up
But boy oh boy they were excited to see the pictures and the ring and the everything
But I digress
Bakugou is in the house the two of you purchased a while back
It was very much off the damn grid
For ~safety~
And he’s very much just messing with how he looks
He has to look perfect because he knows you’re about to
And he can’t be proposing to you unless he’s on your level
When suddenly
He gets a
Feeling
But it isn’t the warm feeling he gets when you’re happy
Or the doopy one he gets when you’re sad
Or the wave of exhaustion he feels when you’re tired
Or the tingly feeling he gets when you’re mad
No
It’s the feeling where his spine tenses
And his blood goes cold
And his heart drops to the floor
The one he only felt one other time
The time you almost died
He was out of that house so fast
He didn’t even care if he looked all nice
You were in danger
He blasted his way through the city
Saying he was frantic is an understatement
He was FERAL
He got to where you were just in time to see you get slammed into the concrete by some piece of shit villain
You were unconscious
And you weren’t moving
He saw red
He didn’t even remember blasting over to the villain and punching them in the face
But he did that
And he did it HARD
Of course the villain was like OH FUCK
THIS IS THE NUMBER TWO HERO
I DIDN’T THINK HE’D ACTUALLY GET HERE THIS FAST
Because obviously the villain knew who you were
That’s why you were targeted
Breaking Bakugou’s spirit is needed if villains want to become more fearful and powerful
The villain starts sprinting away
And before Bakugou can catch them
He hears an ambulance siren
He suddenly forgets all about the villain because he whips around to see you getting loaded onto a gurney
Paramedics are doing everything they can to keep you alive at this point
He’s horrified to say the least
You’re the love of his life
The last time he saw you like this is when he accepted it
Seeing you like this again just makes him realize it even deeper somehow
He runs to the ambulance
But the paramedics tell him he needs to go to the hospital separately because you’re badly injured and they need to perform some procedures on the way to the hospital to keep you alive
He doesn’t even realize he’s crying until his eyes start to sting
He wants to tell the paramedics to fuck off
Don’t they realize this is supposed to be one of the best days of yours and his lives?
But he can’t
Because before he can
They’re gone
He chases after you though
He needs to be by your side right now
He needs to know that you will be okay
He needs you to be okay
So imagine how nerve-wracking it is for him to learn that you were in surgery
He waited in the waiting room all day long
This incident happened around one in the afternoon
and it was now one in the morning
He was just sitting in the hospital waiting room
Looking down at the little box in his hand
Crying
Which is a sight for anyone who sees him
The ring he bought for you is the only thing he can focus on
He doesn’t even notice the non-stop buzzing in his pocket coming from his and your friends wondering if the two of you are okay because the footage of the fight cut out right before Bakugou punched the villain
They all thought you were both hurt pretty badly
I mean after your quirk was seemingly taken from you…
The only thing that snaps him out of his trance
Is when the doctor comes out and says his name
His head snaps up so fast
He approaches the doctor just as fast
He knows he should expect the worst
But he can’t help but keep repeating that you’re okay
That everything will be fine because you are okay
They fixed you up
You’ll come home all happy
He’ll propose to you in the living room at this point
Today will be fixed
Instead
He hears that although you’re stable
You have what appears to be brain damage
“What kind of fucking brain damage?”
“She has severe amnesia which means that-”
“How severe?”
“Well… according to her brain scan and the fact that she said the year was two and a half years ago, I’m afraid it’s significantly severe.”
Two and a half years
Two and a half years?!
He just stares at the doctor
If you think it’s two and a half years ago
That means he hasn’t asked you out yet
That means in your mind
You’re still in high school
About to graduate
This cannot be happening
There is not way this is happening
“Can I see her?”
His voice sounds foreign to him
The doctor nods
Leading him to your room
He puts the ring back in his pocket out of instinct
And when he enters your room
He wants nothing more than for you to yell something like PSYCH
GOT YOU BLASTY BITCH
HAHAHA
But he’s just met with a your mouth opening wide and eye getting big
“Bakugou?! You’re so dressed up!”
Bakugou
Why didn’t he let you call him Katsuki sooner
Why didn’t he ask you out before two years ago
Why wasn’t he there to save you
“W-Woah… Bakugou, you don’t have to cry this isn’t my first hospital stay… wait, when did you get an undercut?”
He just walks towards you
“You also look… older… is this seriously what you look like when you clean up?”
He watches as your expression falters for a moment
“Wait… are you like… going on a date or something?”
Good to know you still have feelings for him at least
He just nods
And you try to hide the disappointment on your face
“Oh… well, you better tell me all about it when we get back to the dorms.”
Your fake enthusiasm is killing him
What killing him even more though is that the doctors didn’t tell you what was going on
So he’ll tell you instead
“Actually,”
Damnit
His voice is wavering
This is new for him
He clears his throat
“I’m not… I’m not going on a date anymore. I had one but… things didn’t turn out as planned.”
“Oh?”
He almost smiles at the sudden mood shift you had
How can you still be perky like that sitting in a hospital bed
“Yeah… because, um. It was a date with you…”
“…Oh…?”
“You got hurt pretty bad, angel…”
He explains everything to you
Well
As much as he can
And he also finds out about your quirk
And how it’s just
Gone
You have to stay in the hospital tonight for further testing tomorrow
And you insist that he goes home
But he says it isn’t home if you’re not there
He stays in the chair right next to your bed
Watching you as you sleep
He knows you believe him
He knows that you have feeling for him
But he’s broken, truly
Not only was he not your hero today
He didn’t save you
He doesn’t know if you’ll ever remember any of those years with him
Any of your firsts
And that makes him ache
He pulls out your ring again
And just looks at it
The only light in the room is the moonlight peaking in through the window
And in that moment
He swears to himself
And to you
That the villain who did this
Is going to pay
Kirishima Eijirou | Red Riot
Eijirou has always been your rock
Figuratively and literally
He’s there for you through everything
And I mean everything
The two of you have been next door neighbors since you were kids
And he literally always had a crush on you
Of course the feelings were mutual
But neither you nor shark boy knew that
Until y’all got to high school
And Bakugou was very
Annoyed
About the two of you pining for each other
Mina was beyond annoyed
She went to middle school with you two
So when Bakugou finally just
Screamed at the two of you to just shut the fuck up with the flirting and date already
Mina deadass jumped out of her seat at lunch and screamed thank you at the top of her lungs
Of course the two of you were as red as his hair
Which, yes
You did help him pick out the exact shade and helped dye as well
His hands were stained red because he accidentally only bought one pair of gloves and it wouldn’t have been manly to make you help without gloves on
But I digress
The two of you started dating shortly after that
And when I tell you that you were the couple everyone would look at and be all “awwwww”
I MEAN IT
And y’all are just in high school
Granted, it’s your final year and the two of you are both interning and are already confirmed to become sidekicks and Fatgum’s Agency
So y’all do be a little mature
But still
You started dating freshman year
And you’re going strong still
Of course
And words cannot describe how relieved he is that the two of you are at the same agency
Because if anything ever went bad he would be there to save you
And you would be there to save him
But literally nothing could prepare him for what was about to happen to you
It was a normal patrol
The two of you were together
Talking about graduation next week
And how the two of you were excited to move out of the dorms and into the apartment you had picked
And how you would finally be able to adopt the little mutt that the two of you love from the shelter
When out of no where
A villain popped down off of a building
Right behind you
And did something weird to you
They hit you meticulously and in specific places
Before Kirishima could even process what was going on
You were on the ground
Of course
You raised an arm
Ready to fight and use your quirk
But nothing happened
You tried again
Nothing
You and Kirishima make eye contact and he can feel the fear radiating off of you
Now he was worried
Very worried
But you knew how to fight
And he was there, too
So this wouldn’t end too bad
UNTIL THERE WAS A FUCKING EXPLOSION IN THE BUILDING THE VILLAIN JUST POPPED OUT OF
You were already back on your feet
Ready to fight this motherfucker
“Go help the people inside, Red Riot. I can handle this one.”
“But-”
“GO!”
He goes
Reluctantly
But he does know you can hold your own
Even if that villain temporarily blocked your quirk
He hardens
Turning his headpiece into a filtering mask (a great addition he thought of so he could run into burning buildings while hardened to save people and not take damage to his lungs in the process)
And luckily
There were only three people inside
So he grabs them and runs out
Easy
And he’s expecting to be met with you handcuffing the bad guy
But instead
He’s met with you getting the life beat out of you
Literally
You’re on the ground
The villain pulled out swords while he was gone
And it was obvious you were down and weren’t gettingup
But the villain just wasn’t letting up
Kirishima’s legs work before his brain
He runs over to the villain and lands a punch to their face
Which causes them to stumble backwards
Before they throw the swords at a random citizen who is observing
He immediately runs to the citizen, deflecting the swords
But the villain ran off in the mean time
Like they disappeared without a trace
But honestly
Even if they were still there
Kirishima would have run to you regardless
He immediately kneels down
“(Y/n)?! (Y/n), can you hear me?!”
He ditched the hero names this time
You weren’t responding
You were out cold
He starts panicking
Like
Full on hyperventilating
You looked bad
You were pierced by the villains swords in your side
Blood was everywhere
Your breathing was shallow
Regardless of the genuine panic attack he was going through right now
He somehow managed to control his breathing so you wouldn’t bleed out on the ground
He needed to help you
He picks you up
Instantly starting to sprint to the ambulances beginning to pull up
As soon as the paramedics see the state you’re in they get you off of him
And speed off to the hospital
Kirishima is left alone
Staring at his hands
Which were dyed red with your blood
All he could see was your face laughing at him because he forgot to get two pairs of gloves the first time you helped him dye his hair
…He didn’t like red all that much right now
After what feels like hours
But was really like two minutes
Tamaki shows up
Because he heard there was something going on
And as soon as he sees Kirishima on the ground and sobbing
He knows something bad has happened to you
He quickly gets him out of there
And back to the agency
Where Kirishima accidentally sees a replay of the fight on television
And he sees that you were fighting the villain just fine
But they were so nimble and fast
And all they did was hit the nape of your neck and then the side of your temple
And you collapsed
Tamaki turned the television off before the full fight was shown
But the damage was done
Kirishima was back on the ground
Tamaki tries to comfort him
But Kirishima is out of commission
“I couldn’t save her, Tamaki! I wasn’t there!”
“…C-Come on, Kirishima… w-we should… go to the hospital…”
Tamaki is trying so hard to get him to calm down
But to no avail
So eventually he just drags him out and to his car
He speeds to the hospital
And Kirishima doesn’t even wait for the car to slow down to run inside
He has to wait to see you
Since you were punctured
But he was willing to wait
And wait he did
For four days
Of course after you were done with your surgery he was allowed in your room
But it was a matter of waiting for you to wake up
He was always with you
He only went home to shower
He slept at the hospital
He needed to be with you
So when you finally woke up
He cried tears of happiness for the first time in days
“(Y/n), thank god you’re awake.”
“Eiji? What happened…?”
“There was a villain attack and they knocked you out and-”
“Why don’t you look 15?”
“What?”
“You look… older… and your hair is longer.”
“…What? You were the one who encouraged me to grow it out…”
“I… I was?”
He stares at you for a moment
His happy tears turning into ones of fear
Before hitting the call nurse button and asking you a question
“(Y/n) what grade are we in?”
“We’re freshmen at UA High School.”
No.
No, no, no, no, no
Before he could answer the doctor and nurses came in the room
They started asking you a bunch of questions
To which you answered the best you could
But it was obvious that you were convinced it was two years ago
The doctors took you off to do scans of your brain
This can’t be happening
You think it’s two years ago
Two years
So much has happened within those two years
The two of you have done so much
Just
Imagine how devastated he is when he hears your memory is just gone
And your quirk with it
You were a hero
Your quirk can’t be gone
“Eiji… please don’t cry, it’ll be okay.”
“I can’t help it, pebble. I wasn’t there to save you and now… now you don’t remember everything we’ve done. And… and your quirk… you’re the best hero I know, and now…”
“Eijirou, I promise you it will be okay. As long as you’ll be with me, like you always are, I will be fine.”
He doesn’t say anything
He just looks at his hand holding yours
At least you still remember he asked you to be his girlfriend
But he is deadset on finding the villain who did this to you
“I will get you out of this.”
“Ei…”
“I will fix this. I promise you. I will save you. I need to.”
#my hero academia x reader#todoroki x reader#shouto todoroki x reader#todoroki x you#bakugou x reader#katsuki bakugou x reader#bakugo x y/n#kirishima x reader#eijirou kirishima x reader#kirishima x you#mha x reader#mha headcanons#bakugou x you#bnha x reader#boku no hero x reader#bnha headcanons#my hero academia#todoroki#shouto todoroki#bakugou#bakugo#katsuki bakugou#kirishima#eijirou kirishima#mha#bnha#boku no hero academia
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Time for some BL/Danmei novel recs!
You guys have probably (maybe) seen my novels list here - [X] - but it’s more for my own tracking than anything else, so here’s a brief list (I’ll probably do full ones of the ones I really love in another post, probably on Minmo).
The ones elaborated on below with the asterisks are the novels I’ve actually finished reading.
*since everyone more or less knows MXTX’s works - TGCF, MDZS and SVSSS, I’ll skip those!
1. SCI 迷案集 | SCI Mystery Series by 耳雅*
Summary: Bai Yutang and Zhan Zhao are childhood friends and rivals that end up working together under the newly established SCI unit as co-leads, with Bai Yutang providing the brawn as Captain and Zhan Zhao the brains as Vice Captain and the team’s resident genius psychologist. They solve cases together and slowly unravel a wider conspiracy that involves their parents’ generation and beyond. At the same time they also realize that they’re meant for each other!
Other CPs: Bai Jintang (Bai Yutang’s older brother) & the medical examiner, Gongsun Ce, Bai Chi (Bai Yutang’s younger cousin) & magician Zhao Zhen, and at least three other gay pairings, one of which is considered another main couple of sorts from Vol. 2 onwards
Status: Incomplete (Began in 2010, author is still going on strong with one chapter every one or two months, we’re halfway through Vol. 5 right now and it’s been 10 years ;-; Love that the author is going on strong!! Everyone on JJWXC are like “please author it’s okay if you go slow as long as you keep going we’re here for you” and jfc I understand the fear of this not completing, also when will Vol. 5 be completed and printed?!! I need to complete the collection)
Translations: Unfortunately, only the first volume has been translated well so far on novel updates. The one on Wattpad seems to have caught up, but I would not recommend that one.
Drama/Live-Action: Season 1 was filmed and released in 2018 under the same name with slightly changed names for the characters. Season 2 was supposed to start filming this month but... oh well. First season basically covered Vol. 1 novel from start to end.
*I love this one only because it was my very first danmei and so it’ll forever have a special place in my heart, and also because it’s still ongoing so ya know, I relive how much I love this every month
2. 成化十四年 | Cheng Hua’s Fourteenth Year (The Sleuth of Ming Dynasty) by 梦溪石*
Summary: Tang Fan, a prefectural judge, and Sui Zhou, a high ranking officer in the Embroidered Uniform Guards, meet while trying to solve a murder case. Both of them end up partnering very well together, Sui Zhou ends up inviting Tang Fan to live with him, and the rest is history. Through their days living together and solving cases + a larger conspiracy involving the royal palace, they fall in love. Adding to this mix is also Wang Zhi, a powerful, young eunuch who befriends the pair, and the three of them basically help the crown prince to overcome challenges and his enemies to become the next Emperor
Other CPs: None XD
Status: Complete!
Translations: Ongoing on several websites. I’m only translating relationship highlights, but here’s an introduction post I did for it, if you guys would like somewhere to start without getting too invested - [X]
Drama/Live-Action: The Sleuth of Ming Dynasty was released earlier this year, directed by Jackie Chan and starring Darren Chen and Paul Fu, but cases are a little different and there are new characters in the show that weren’t from the novel etc.
3. 杀破狼 | Shapolang by Priest*
Summary: Set in a steampunk universe where flying boats named ‘kites’ and flying armour exist. Young teenager Chang Geng lives with his mother and stepfather - the former abuses him and the latter neglects him, and the only person that he cares about (and cares about him) is Shen Shiliu, his (very young) godfather. He realizes his identity as a royal prince when the Man tribe invades his city and Shen Shiliu, whose real name is Gu Yun, turns out to be an army general whose duty was to protect Chang Geng in secret (among other things).
Chang Geng has been critically poisoned by his mother (who’s not actually his birth mother, if I recall she’s an aunt) which leads to him getting terrible dreams frequently with the end result of him being driven into insanity, while Gu Yun is half blind, half deaf due to poisoning + injury when he was much younger, and he can only regain his hearing and sight fully when he takes a medicine that is slowly losing its effectiveness with every dosage he has.
The both of them navigate learning about each other again, falling in love a few years later when Chang Geng is all grown up and also unravel conspiracies and fight bad guys (both external threats and internal as in the current Emperor and other parties) XD
*Note: The age old debate is that Gu Yun ‘preyed’ on and also ‘groomed’ Chang Geng, but I disagree and stand by the fact that Gu Yun was 90% of the time not around while Chang Geng grew from a teenager to a young adult as he was fighting wars elsewhere, while Chang Geng refused to stay at the Gu manor and insisted on running around, travelling on his own and seeing the world for a few years before they met again. And it was Chang Geng who’d always loved Gu Yun and devoted himself to caring about him, making advances on him etc. when he became an adult
Other CPs: Shen Yi (Gu Yun’s second-in-command) & Chen Qingxu (a renowned physician who ends up healing both Chang Geng and Gu Yun of their ailments)
Status: Complete!
Translations: Fully translated the last I heard, it’s up there in the list of holy grail BL/danmei novels, so I’m sure it’s done hahaha.
Drama/Live-Action: Filming in progress!
*This is up there in the hall of fame for danmei novels for more than just the amazing content and writing - It’s also famous for being one of the most complex novels ever. I don’t know how the translations team did it because DAMN it was complex and I read all my novels in Chinese without much issues but I was honestly STRUGGLING WITH this one and I went through some existential crisis while reading because I was like ‘did I ever learn Chinese, am I even Chinese’ XD
4. 默读 | Silent Reading by Priest*
Summary: Luo Wenzhou, a police captain, and his team including best friend and partner Tao Ran, face a few challenging cases that end up being small parts of a larger conspiracy, and end up having to consult with Fei Du, a flamboyant, charming and flirty, young and rich CEO, who Luo Wenzhou describes as someone who is an expert at ‘crimes’. Not deduction, not solving crimes, but someone who is familiar with how the murderer or culprits would commit crimes. Both Luo Wenzhou and Tao Ran know Fei Du well, because they first met when Fei Du was in high school, when he called the police because his mother had hanged herself in the house, and since then Tao Ran and Luo Wenzhou look out for him, spending holidays with him, giving him presents here and there. Luo Wenzhou and Fei Du overcome their misunderstandings of each other and fall in love while solving all the cases and the larger conspiracy behind it.
Other CPs: Tao Ran and someone he knew first from his school days or was a neighbour when he was younger, I can’t remember, but they meet again at a blind date and end up living in the same building on different floors XD
Status: Complete!
Translations: Complete!! There’s a huge post floating around on Tumblr with all the links (I can’t find it right now) and on Twitter you can also find the collated, epub versions etc.
Drama/Live-Action: Rights for a live-action was signed, no casting confirmation or set dates yet
5. 犯罪心理 | Criminal Psychology by 长洱*
Summary: Police captain Xing Conglian drags psychologist Lin Chen out of seclusion/hiding to solve a case that is indirectly tied to him. Lin Chen was involved in a case a few years ago that led to four deaths - these four victims were the sons/daughters of four of the five huge old-money (super rich) families in the country and these family members sought to make Lin Chen’s life very difficult for him afterwards by making him lose all the jobs he can find, by surveilling his every move and ensuring that he’s not happy etc. Because of that, he backed out of the police force as well and quietly lived as a school dorm administrator, which is where Xing Conglian finds him a few years later. Lin Chen fakes his death after the first case (not deliberately but kind of a by-the-way thing), but as fate would have it, he ends up meeting Xing Conglian on another case, and he decides that he’ll move in with him and also involve himself again, consequences be damned, and they fall in love!
Other CPs: None XD
Status: Complete!
Translations: I think it’s not complete yet.
Drama/Live-Action: None that I know of.
6. 死亡万花筒 | Kaleidoscope of Death by 西子绪* (MY ABSOLUTE FAVOURITE)
Summary: Supernatural setting where people who are about to die get a second chance to live. These individuals are either in the midst of a dangerous situation (for e.g. a shootout or a deadly mugging incident) or are about to get into accidents (for e.g. an entire bus going off a bridge or a chandelier dropping from above and crushing the person underneath) or are ill (recently diagnosed with cancer or are terminally ill with a condition for e.g.) - The list is endless, and in the situation between life and death, 12 doors will appear before them.
It is said that once these individuals finish all 12 doors, they will truly get a second chance at life and survive whatever cause of death they were imminently facing.
Each door represents a creepy, supernatural mystery, and Lin Qiushi finds himself in a strange place after opening a door when he was trying to enter his apartment one day. He meets Ruan Baijie, a beautiful, tall woman who he happens to meet, and they realize that in this strange world, he and other individuals who came through the door have to complete a given task, find a key and an exit door, and make it out alive. The others in the team (some of which have already gone through several doors) explain to Lin Qiushi, who is a first-timer, what the doors are about.
The catch is, if they die inside the door, in the real world, they’ll die immediately, by accident, throwing themselves off a building, or just throwing up blood until they die (just to name a few)
On the first night, however, three people are slaughtered and eaten by a long-haired ghost/creature. The good news is, Ruan Baijie isn’t all that she seems to be (for one, she’s not exactly a woman) and she takes a liking to Lin Qiushi immediately.
Other CPs: None XD
Status: Complete!
Translations: I think it’s not complete yet!
Drama/Live-Action: None that I know of, but honestly, this novel would be fricking EPIC as a live-action, and really creepy, but this is my all-time favourite novel, I kid you not!!!!
*I’m definitely doing a longer and more detailed to-read for KOD on my translation account, gosh you guys have no idea how much I love this.
7. 当年万里觅封侯 | Those Years in Quest of Honor Mine by ���漫何其多
Summary: Yu She and Gu Wan were close friends for a short period of time when they were younger, but unfortunately their identities and positions meant that they were opponents. Yu She’s family was for the Second Prince and Gu Wan was taken in by the Sixth Prince’s family, but in the end it was the Second Prince who ended up getting to the throne, while the Sixth Prince was accused of treason and died somewhere far away at war after being captured. Gu Wan’s only wish was to keep the Fifth Prince’s children - Xuan Rui and a pair of twins, Xuan Yu and Xuan Congxin safe, and so he moves them to another province and asks the Emperor (the Second Prince) to demote Xuan Rui’s status to prove that they are no threat to the Emperor, if only to stay alive for another day.
However, their days of hardship have only just begun, and Gu Wan decides to namedrop Yu She, whose family is so powerful now, and claims that Yu She loves him and that he was wooing Gu Wan back in the days they knew each other so that officials and others would treat the children under his care better. A few years pass and Yu She doesn’t expose Gu Wan. Gu Wan thinks they can go on like this forever, until the Emperor asks Xuan Rui and the twins to head back to the palace for a visit.
Gu Wan meets Yu She again, but the boy he knew, who was gentle, a stickler for rules and a proper, well-mannered person, has changed almost completely. Cue palace conspiracies again, brothers fighting for the throne, scheming consorts etc. XD
Other CPs: None XD
Status: Complete!
Translations: I think it’s not complete yet but I’m not super sure on this
Drama/Live-Action: None that I know of!
*They came out with a new reprint edition three days ago and it’s gorgeous! And comes with amazing freebies, and I am a sucker and read it on the day of the printed novel release because I saw the art and loved it, wanted to see if the story was any good, and damn after chapter 2 I WAS GONE and then I checked out two copies from different stores for the two different sets of freebies
--
A list of those I haven’t read but I see are highly raved about:
1. 二哈和他的白猫师尊 | The Husky & His White Cat Shizun by Meatbun
- I’ve already been spoiled and I know what goes on mostly, and there are a lot of warnings for a reason, but I’m still a fan, and let’s not get into the debate on the content, I know I have to read this but the angst level is apparently ridiculous, so I need like some mental preparation before I sit down for it.
2. 千秋 | A Thousand Autumns by 梦溪石
3. 烈火浇愁 | Lie Huo Jiao Chou by Priest
4. 将进酒 | Qiang Jing Jiu by 唐酒卿
- A really good group of translators picked this up initially on Twitter, but then assholes were complaining that they were being too slow and insisting that machine translation (MTL) did an equally good and faster job, so the OG dropped it, and then another nice team picked it up, but MTL team is still being an asshole XD I’ve heard really good things about this one, it’s apparently quite complex as well, I’d liken it to Shapolang level? But it might be even more complex (with a lot of politics and stuff), so much so that apparently the printed novel comes with a relationship/character chart so readers are at any point in time clear on the characters which is like amazing XD
#danmei#bl novels#novel recs#sci谜案集#kaleidoscope of death#silent reading#shapolang#犯罪心理#成化十四年#the sleuth of ming dynasty#2ha#priest#梦溪石#meatbun#西子绪#耳雅#长洱
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5 Tips for Finishing Your Novel
April’s session of Camp NaNoWriMo is drawing to a close, and you might find yourself nearing the end of your novel. If you need some tips on writing and polishing the ending of your story, author Derek Murphy is here to share a few! Plus, you can check out the rest of our novel-finishing resources on our #NaNoFinMo page.
You won NaNoWriMo and have a 50k collection of scenes and sentences, but how do you clean it up and get it done? How do you make sure it’s finished, satisfying and enjoyable? Here are 5 powerful strategies for finishing your novel and some helpful writing tips that will push you past the finish line.
1. Give it a satisfying resolution.
In order to have a powerful story, your book should probably focus on a main character’s change or transformation. There’s an inner war, a.k.a. the character’s emotional healing, and an outer war: the conflict that forced the reckoning. If it’s a purely symbolic internal realization, you can mirror that with actual conflict in the real scene: the breaking of a dish, a fit of rage, a sudden ray of sunlight (or a storm… this should not be pleasant; It’s a breaking point and spiritual death/rebirth).
You can clarify the moment of change by setting up an illustrative contrast, a before and after, that shows how those internal changes have resulted in real-world consequences or benefits. Each character’s unique challenge will match their personal weakness or fear. The price for victory is the one thing they have so far refused to do, or something they cannot give up or bear to lose.
Make sure your protagonist has gone through a transformative struggle to arrive at deep insights, knowledge or awareness. Find a way to deepen the incidental scenes so that they become instrumental to a deeper purpose, leading towards an identity-shifting event.
The plot is what happens, and it’s important. But you can make it more dramatic and meaningful by making sure you demonstrate how hard it was and what it cost. It matters, it is remarkable, because it forced your protagonist to change.
Your conclusion might include:
Physical tension as allies perform a tug-of-war battle against resistance, that shows how difficult this struggle is, and how much force is required.
The consideration phase, as characters are tempted last minute or the price for victory is revealed: the sweet memories that give them awareness that this fight is worth the cost or risk (you need to show them making the choice, knowing what they will lose).
The final flashback, as the full backstory is revealed so we can see exactly why this conflict is so difficult or meaningful for the main character.
2. Add (unresolved) conflict.
Your story is made up of the events and scenes, where something happens. Each new event will push the characters further into the plot. Slow scenes where nothing is really happening can be red flags, so the first thing to focus on is increasing conflict, drama, suspense and intrigue. This is what creates urgency. The full reveal, demonstrating why THIS challenge is so difficult and powerful, should happen just before the final battle or resolution.
You want to make sure every scene, especially in your conclusion, has enough conflict. I recommend these three:
Outer Conflict (threats): Challenges or obstacles that prevent the character from achieving goals.
Inner Conflict (doubts): Moral struggles, decisions, guilt or shame, anger.
Friendly Fire (betrayal): Strong disagreements between allies or supporting characters.
You want to extend and deepen the potential conflict, without resolving it too easily. The biggest destroyer of conflict is conversation: when your characters just sit around and talk to each other. Most conflict involves a lack of information, and a desire for clarity. A lot of conflict is perceived or imagined.
The most important information needs to come last, and come at a great price. The information that has an emotional impact, and influences their actions and decisions, should be big reveals at dramatic peaks. A surprise or twist should be treated as an event: each scene is leading towards a change or new piece of information that provokes the protagonist to respond.
3. Fill plot holes with character motivation.
After you’ve made sure that “what actually happens” is intriguing (opening questions and raising tensions without resolving them) you can focus on making sure the plot holes are filled, and characters are properly motivated – these two things are usually adjacent.
You can find and fill plot holes by asking:
Why are the characters doing this?
Why does any of it matter?
Basically, readers need to respect the main characters enough to care what happens to them, so their choices and actions need to make sense within the given information. If there’s a simpler, easier solution, readers will get stuck up on “why didn’t they just…”? To fix plot holes and gaps in logic or continuity, or make the story go where you need it to, you can add urgency, fix the mood of the scene (bigger stakes require bigger justifications), show characters in a weakened mental state, or raise concerns but have them dismissed, with an excuse or justification.
You need rational characters to make plausible choices that lead to dire consequences. You need show why they don’t do something easier, or nothing at all, or why they face clear challenges, despite potential obstacles.
They’ll also require a deeper motivation, for why they’re willing to put themselves in identity-destroying conflict, rather than just giving up or running away. Why do they stay in THIS fight, when they’ve run from similar ones? If they weren’t ready at the beginning, why are the ready now – what changed in them, as a result of your story’s journey?
Your protagonist needs to have a strong, consistent internal compass, and it needs to be revealed through incidents that establish their character. This is who they are. Without this reliable core identity, we won’t be able to tell a story that forces them to change.
4. Let readers picture your story with detailed description.
In the final stages of revision, you can begin improving the description with specific details.
It’s smart to start – or end – a chapter with a vivid, immediate scene. You want to leave readers with an image they can see in their minds, hopefully connected to the feeling you aim to evoke. You can close a chapter with a reference back to a motif or image, with a deeper or more reflective context; applying meaning to the metaphor. This will help readers feel engaged, be moved, and leave a lasting impact.
Vivid scenes are mostly a matter of detailed description, so add the specifics about the story environment. Be precise, not vague. Instead of “she put a plate of tea and snacks on the table” you can write “she gently placed an antique porcelain teapot on the table. I could smell it was Earl Grey from the scent of bergamot. The half-sleeve of Oreos and can of onion-flavored Pringles seemed incongruous with the fancy dishes, but I knew she was making an effort to welcome me.”
Focus on the sensations and feelings; but also zero-in on any potential sources of conflict or internal emotions or states of mind. In my example above, the host might be nervous or ashamed of her spread; or perhaps she has a degenerative brain disease and doesn’t notice the incongruity. Tensions are unspoken, potential sources of negative feelings. They hover in the background of your description.
Readers will remember the pictures you put in their heads, not the words on the page.
Description should serve and be bound to the story, not distract from it.
It should be squeezed into and around the scene action, when the protagonist is using or exploring.
Show what’s different, not what’s the same.
Leave space for readers to fill in the gaps, but get them started in the right direction so they aren’t surprised later.
Sidenote: be careful about your metaphors, analogies and similes. Each one will put a picture into readers’ minds, and it can quickly get overcrowded with imagery. You’re asking them to ignore your real scene and think of something else. Use them to confirm and amplify the scene you have, and limit distractions.
5. Prepare to publish.
Typos are bad, but perfectionism will ruin you. This section is about editing and proofreading, but I don’t have time for all that, and you don’t either. The real problem with a story is rarely the number of typos. A very clean book isn’t better if people stop reading.
You can solve a lot of common writing problems, with my big list of 25 common writing mistakes, and self-edit your manuscript to make it as good as possible. After that, a copyeditor or proofreader isn’t always the best investment (and it can also be the biggest publishing cost).
Instead, use an editing software (I like Grammarly) to root out obvious mistakes, but don’t dwell on the small stuff like perfecting every word or rearranging the commas. Spending a very long time wrestling a poorly-written manuscript in shape is less effective than getting something (actually) done to the point where you’re comfortable sharing it.
This may be difficult at first, but you can’t learn and improve without genuine reader feedback (from people who aren’t your mom or best friend; nor the short-sighted opinions of a self-proclaimed literature enthusiast). You need to find readers who enjoy your particular genre, and the sooner you find them, the more valuable feedback you can get.
Shorten the feedback loop: Get over the fear and focus on learning by getting feedback early and often. However, this doesn’t just mean joining a writer’s club: writers are brutal and might focus on trivial things. The safest bet is to make it public, on Wattpad at least. Or get a cheap cover and throw it up on Kindle, Draft2Digital or even your own blog.
Making it public is scary and vulnerable, but it’s better than letting the fear of messing up keep you from the brutal, necessary experience of allowing readers to tell you what they liked and disliked about your writing. Will some people be critical? Yes! But guess what, you’ll get negative reviews even if you’re a brilliant, famous writer. Those are inevitable. And the first negative reviews may teach you more about writing than 10 years attempting to self-edit, afraid of putting your book out into the world.
PS. You can use resources, like my 24-chapter plot outline, as a way to spot story gaps in your manuscript and improve the structure (especially if your book suffers from a “soggy middle.)
Derek Murphy has a PhD in Literature, writes urban fantasy and is the founder of the alliance of young adult authors. More recently, he’s started sharing writing tips on http://www.writethemagic.com
Top photo by Adegbenro Emmanuel Dipo on Unsplash.
#nanowrimo#camp nanowrimo#nanofinmo#writing advice#writing tips#finishing a novel#by nano guest#derek murphy
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❥ My Sweet Evil Heart (C.Chanhee)
A/N: I wrote this as part of an angel/demon collab for The Boyz! You can find the masterlist HERE. This was really fun to write and I got to live out my alternate universe dream in which I'm a detective...I hope you like it, I'm always welcome to any form of feedback!
genre: demon!Chanhee, detective!reader, angst, fluff, reader is constantly sleep deprived, Chanhee is the sweetest demon ever
synopsis: You, a highly respected detective in your department, are investigating a case of a very strange demon who seems hesitant to do evil...but can you trust someone who is supposed to be the personification of wickedness?
words: ~ 10.6k
Have you ever met someone deeply unhappy? Someone who seems to, at all times, be fighting a war inside of themselves? Have you ever felt empathy for somebody, even though they tested you, over and over, as if the worst part inside of them was trying to make them lose you on purpose? Did you hold on and never stop believing in them? Or did you say something to drive them away, making them think they would only hurt you in the process of you trying to make them see clearer?
This is the story of a demon, whose every cell demurred at his evil nature. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves and start with the basics.
Being one of the head detectives at the local police station was not an easy-going, nor an amusing job. Whilst working on serious cases, lacking proper sleep was not an uncommon occurrence for you, and in some instances, self-care came up short until the mystery had been solved and the guilty ones were locked away. Every case pulled you in and swallowed you whole, keeping you deeply invested for days and nights until your brain felt like it had turned to mush and your body worked on autopilot, until you functioned a little like a highly intelligent zombie. And yet, you couldn’t imagine yourself doing anything else in your life. The thrill was close to an obsession, and seeing justice being served thanks to your work was more addicting than any drug could ever be to you.
Most crimes in your world were committed by demons, of course. They were your worst enemies, the monsters you saw in your nightmares and the reason you never strolled down a street without a gun by your hip. It wasn’t forbidden for them to walk the earth, so long as they kept to themselves. Their evil nature made it almost impossible for them to uphold these terms, though. You wished you could lock them all away in some putrid prison cell, or better yet, send them back to where they crawled out from originally. But the law couldn’t convict beings before they had done anything wrong. So, it was on you to make sure you kept an eye on the sinister beings, figure out what they were up to and stop them before they could actually hurt somebody. Like that morning, when you were called to a liquor store to investigate a break-in.
“My name is Y/F/N Y/L/N, I am the lead investigator,” you greeted the store owner with a handshake upon arrival. “Can you tell me exactly what happened?”
“I came here this morning at around 7 to open up the store. When I got out of my car, I saw the broken glass of the window,” he explained.
“What was taken from inside the store?” you inquired further.
“That’s the weird thing. Nothing is missing from inside,” he said.
“We might just be dealing with vandalism,” you thought out loud. “Do you have security cameras?”
He did, and so you went along with him to the back of the store. It was true, the interior of the shop seemed completely untouched. You suspected whoever had done this had never even intentioned on entering. There was a college campus not too far from the store, and you recalled countless times you had witnessed careless vandalism done by some intoxicated students during a Friday night. It was a very human-like crime. Demons weren’t known to do things by halves. Their crimes were usually the go-big-or-go-home-type of crimes. But then, when you watched the security footage, you were stunned.
At precisely 3:29 am, a dark figure appeared in front of the window. They lifted their arms, swinging a baseball bat against the glass. And against your speculation, they did climb through the hole in the window. With no mask or disguise whatsoever, the demon man looked right into the camera in the corner of the room. The abyss of darkness in his pitch black eyes was unmistakable. He looked around, as if he was debating on whether he should have done more, but then, to your utter confusion, spun around on his heel and climbed right back out the window.
You assured the store owner you would be looking into this case. With nothing left to do, you headed back to the police station. You had taken the security footage with you, and the moment you arrived in your office, you played it on your computer screen. Over and over - only puzzling you more, with each rerun you saw. You worried this might only be a warning. Not seldom had you been a witness to demons playing with their prey, feeding off the fear of innocent souls. Was this one indulging in one of those little twisted games? Right away, you uploaded the demon’s face onto the database for criminals, even if vandalism didn’t compare to the serious allegations that stood against other faces on that list. While you turned your attention to other cases, his features wouldn’t leave your mind. Even when you left your office at night, he was still the most prominent person in your memory.
By the time you began your walk to your home, the sun had disappeared. You couldn’t help it, even if technically you could finish work earlier, your desire to solve your assigned cases was always higher. Had you just walked home at 5 pm, you were sure to end up on your computer at home, researching and digging around on the web to discover possible clues. This way, at least you had all resources you would need at your office at the police station.
Now, in the dark, the streets were rather abandoned, most shops had already closed, and the moon dimly cast light through the clouds. Those conditions were what made it a breeze for you to notice your shadow. The figure had been following you for 5 minutes now. Judging by how carelessly loud their steps sounded and by their not-so subtle choices of hiding spots, you could tell this wasn’t something they had practice in. Purposely, you didn’t turn around, so they wouldn’t realize you had caught on to them a while ago. Instead, only a minute or so from your home, you took a turn left into an abandoned alleyway. Your hand was on the gun in your belt.
Just as you had stepped into the alley, you turned. He was right behind you. With dark orbs glaring and teeth snarling he came at you, knife in hand. Your eyes widened – you recalled his face vividly – as you took in the situation in the blink of an eye. After all, you had watched the security tape of him breaking into the liquor store countless times only hours ago. But you had the upper hand from the very moment you had spun around. His build wasn’t particularly strong, but you knew you should never underestimate demons. You grabbed his shoulders and along with him, your body crashed against the red brick wall to your left. He struggled against your grip, but his determined and feisty expression was the by far the most intimidating part about him. His face was inches from yours but looking into the sort of darkness that were demon’s eyes did nothing to you. Your hand was around his wrist with the knife – which he was aggressively trying to bring down on you – but only at first.
Because suddenly, something uncommon occurred. So uncommon, in fact, that not a single cell in your body could believe it. He willingly dropped the blade. It hit the asphalt, the metallic sound echoing in your ears. He relaxed his arm in your iron grip. Demons never gave up. They fought until you had forcefully brought them to the ground or done worse to them. Their ironic god-complex and evilness didn’t allow them to step away from a fight – until this one had come along, apparently. And then, as if his behavior hadn’t already stunned you enough, he did the unthinkable.
“I’m sorry,” he said. Without a doubt you thought you had misheard him. Swiftly, you pulled your gun out of your belt and pointed it at his face. One thing you knew. You weren’t going to play along in his little games. In panic, he rose his hands, showing defeat.
“Quit playing games, devil’s son,” you hissed. “What is it you’re trying to achieve here? You’re sorry? For what?”
He was hesitant. With every second, your curiosity only grew. Either, he was a skilled actor or…you had no idea what else it could’ve been about him.
“I almost killed you. That’s what I’m sorry for,” he said. “Does that get me a prison sentence?”
Your eye twitched because this didn’t seem right at all.
“You broke into a shop and attacked me, but then stopped out of your free will,” you assessed the situation. “You’ll most likely get away with a fine and your name in our register.”
If you had been awaiting an evil grin or any sort of enjoyment in his face, you’d be waiting endlessly. If anything, he seemed to be…disappointed?
“But you’re a cop, right?” he said. “You can lock me up, can’t you?”
“Didn’t you hear what I said? You won’t be locked up if you don’t commit a crime severe enough. As much as I hate it, considering you demons are running free, it’s the law,” you said.
“You don’t get it,” he said. And he was right, you really had no idea. “I should be locked up. You need to get me to jail before I hurt somebody.”
His face was dead serious, but you didn’t want to believe a single word. How could you, when your daily life consisted of hunting down his kind, because all they brought upon the earth was chaos and death?
“Give me one good reason why I should believe you,” you said, unimpressed.
“I will tell you anything you want to hear,” he said. “If you bring me to a police station. You guys have these lie detectors, don’t you? I will take a test if that’s what it takes for you to believe me.”
~
So, that was how half an hour later you still hadn’t returned at home, but rather found yourself back at the police station. Almost everyone had gone home by now, so you took the liberty to choose the biggest interrogation room available. A few minutes and he was sitting in front of you, hands in handcuffs and his body connected to the lie detector.
“Okay, here’s how this works. I’ll start by asking some simple questions, and then we’ll get to the bottom of whatever your intentions are,” you explained.
“Alright. Go ahead,” he said. This was your first time seeing a demon take this sort of test. Usually, you couldn’t be bothered because you knew all they did was lie whilst smiling you in the face.
“What’s your name?”
“Choi Chanhee.”
“Where were you born?”
“In hell.”
“Did you break into a liquor store last night?”
“Yes.”
“Did you intend on killing me tonight?”
“…Yes.”
“Is that your definite answer?”
“…No.”
“How come both of your last two answers are lies?” you asked. “You didn’t intend on killing me, but yes is your definite answer?”
“I can’t stop the evil in me but I’m trying,” he said. You were stunned. The answer was the most truthful of them all.
“What do you mean?” you asked.
“I was never like the others since I came to earth. I’ve never felt a rush like they do, causing mischief and hurting humans. I don’t belong. It’s as if there was a demon inside of me, but it’s not controlling all of me, do you understand?” he said.
“I’m not sure, but go on,” you said.
“I don’t want to hurt anybody or destroy things. But on some days, I’m walking down the street and my body starts following the devil’s orders instead. I usually snap out of it quickly and stop myself. That’s why you’re still alive,” he explained.
“You’re telling me you’re some sort of good demon?” you asked. “Why don’t you go back to hell, if you’re struggling so much on earth?”
“I hate it there,” he said. “And either way, I’m banned from there forever.”
Your head raised as you stared at him.
“Banned?” you asked.
“I stopped a bunch of demons from killing a woman once,” he said. “Safe to say they weren’t happy to hear that, back at home. I couldn’t go back, even if I wanted to.”
“Can you tell me the name of the woman?” you asked. And he did. All this time, he really had been telling the truth. When you searched up the woman’s name in the computer, it only confirmed your suspicion. She really had been under attack when an unidentified person had interrupted and saved her life.
“I can tell you names of demons,” he said. “If you do me the favor of locking me up, I can sell out everyone I know about.”
You massaged the sides of your head and sighed. This guy really was one of a kind.
“I already told you, I can’t put you in jail for something you didn’t do,” you said. “That’s against the law, and then it’ll be me who ends up behind bars instead of you. I’ll have to let you go.”
“What if I mess up?” he said. The amounts of firsts you were experiencing in the timespan of an hour were giving you a headache. Never had you felt compassion for a demon before. But you were only human, and when you noticed the genuine concern and insecurity in his soft voice, you couldn’t stop yourself.
“How long have you been on earth for?” you asked.
“I don’t know, a few years, I guess?” he said.
“And in those few years, which of your deeds would you rate the most criminal out of all?” you asked. Any other demon would have been able to give you multiple answers, one more vicious than the other. He, on the other hand, took his time and even when he answered, he didn’t sound at all sure.
“I’ve broken into a house before, destroyed a car window and one time I stole a dog,” he confessed with his head tilted towards the floor.
“What happened to the dog?”
“I…gave it back,” he said. A laughter erupted from your throat against your will. In a friendly manner, you pat his shoulder before retrieving the keys to his handcuffs.
“Trust me, you’ll be just fine out there,” you said. “Whatever it is you’re doing to stop yourself from being evil, it’s working. I will let you go now."
Even though he wasn’t happy with your answer, he knew he had no choice but to comply. As you walked him through the hallways towards the exit of the station, you could only think of one thing: your beloved bed. Not only your body but especially your brain was drained from energy. You desperately needed a refill by getting a good night’s sleep.
“You’re the first person who’s been really kind to me,” he said, as you held the door open for him. The night air was cool, and you quickly zipped up your jacket to your chin.
“You gave me no reason not to be,” you replied.
“I almost stabbed you,” he said, bluntly.
“Almost.”
“For most people, me being a demon is reason enough to loathe me.”
“Well I guess I’m not most people,” you said. His smile was gentle, but his black eyes would always give him away. “I’ll be here at the station every day, if you have any concerns or need somebody to consult. But right now, all I want is my bed.”
“I understand,” he replied. “Thank you. Goodbye.”
“Good night,” you said, before you parted ways. Once more, you journeyed home. He remained on your mind until the moment you slipped off to dreamland that night.
~
The days passed without a trace of him. You followed your routine, but one thing you couldn’t help. You simply had to tell every person who worked with you about the changed demon you had met. No one really wanted to believe you. It was kind of understandable. Some thought you were testing their skills, seeing if they could figure out you were lying. Others went as far as to suspect your lack of sleep had given you hallucinations. But you didn’t let it go. And after all, you were a highly respected member of the police force. Some said they wanted to meet this demon gentleman, as they had renamed him.
But then you were called to a brand new homicide investigation and all of the jokes at the station were blown away by the intensity and buzz the case brought with it. You had a murder to solve. There was no place for sweet demon men in any part of your brain. Not for now. And as always, you slipped into old habits – staying up all night, living on coffee and quick meals – the toxic behavior was almost inescapable. Your fellow detectives tried their best to keep you healthy and most importantly, sane. They took you with them to get salad for lunch, invited you over for game nights (a futile attempt at giving you a break) and told you to go to sleep on time. After all, they needed your brain to function at full capacity for the case. You knew people were relying on your knowledge, and you weren’t doubting your capabilities. But a highly intelligent zombie was still a zombie. And so it happened that one Thursday night your boss sent you home. Not because you weren’t doing a good job – rather for of the opposite reason.
“You are allowed back at the station when you’ve caught a full night’s sleep. Do what it takes to take care of yourself,” your boss had said. Her tone displayed as much strictness as her eyes showed concern. Truth be told, you were too exhausted to even argue against her order. That’s when you knew. You really needed a rest. You dragged your body home.
“Hello sweetheart,” you greeted your pet bird, who chirped excitedly when you set foot into your apartment. “Guess what. I’m home early.”
As much as you wanted to drop into a slumber right away, your stomach growled. And you weren’t in the mood to wake up half-starved. As you prepared some left-overs from the fridge, you heard your bird call from the living room. “Peek-a-boo!” he sang. It caught your attention. He only played this game with you – when you were outside in your small garden and he was watching you through the window. So who exactly was he talking to, now?
You picked up a knife, because as a detective it was practically your job to be paranoid, and tiptoed into the living room. It would be harder for an intruder to spot you in the dark, so you pushed the light switch. Slowly, you advanced to the window and gently pulled the curtains aside. A shiver ran down your spine when you saw the figure standing between the trees. They didn’t seem to be hiding, if anything they were lazily resting their back against the garden fence. Maybe they weren’t aware you were watching them. Bold of them to assume they could intimidate you by acting so nonchalant. You cracked the window open slightly.
“If you don’t leave my property within the next ten seconds, I’ll have you arrested for trespassing,” you announced. The figure flinched. The moment he stepped into the moonlight and raised his arms, you remembered his face.
“Choi Chanhee?” You opened the terrasse door and stepped outside.
“Are you going to hurt me?” he asked, eyes glued to the knife in your hands. Quickly, you lowered your hand.
“What are you doing here?” you asked instead of answering his question.
“I didn’t know where else to go,” he admitted.
“And so you thought creeping around in a police woman’s backyard was an appropriate thing to do? Wait…have you been stalking me?” you asked. You should have cut back on the sharp tone, but you felt half-asleep and this was the last thing you needed. Plus, the immanent realization hit you, that you had not noticed him at all. You had been so caught up in your work that you had not recognized a demon lingering around your home address, watching you. It hurt your pride a little – and could have ended very differently, had it been a more malovent demon than the one standing in front of you. This one looked terrified, kneading his hands nervously.
“I thought you wouldn’t be upset with me…that maybe you would understand. Because you’ve been the only one who’s listened to me. I’m just trying to find a purpose,” he said, “And my head tells me you’re the right direction.”
Demons. They’ve always had a fondness for the dramatic. But his words tore at your heart strings. His behavior resembled a child who had done wrong and was in the process of being scolded.
“Do you have no home?” you asked, softening your voice.
“I’ve lived with other demons. But they don’t want me there, anymore,” he said. For obvious reasons, you thought. Your head was racing. There was no way you could leave him standing there in the cold. But letting a demon into your home sounded like you must have had a death wish. It’s not like you didn’t have enough space, though. With an extra guest bedroom that nobody had ever used before, he would be just fine. There was no excuse. You cursed your parents for making you get a bigger apartment “In case you got married and had children soon.” You never know what could happen, they had said. And how wrong they had been, but how right they had been on that last part.
“Would you say you’re a tidy person?” you asked. A gigantic yawn came over you, and once again your stomach grumbled.
“What? I mean…I think so?” he said.
“Are you hungry?” You were in disbelief. Maybe it was the zombie in you that had a heart so soft, it took pity on a demon.
“I’m starving,” he said.
And that was how you came to have dinner with a demon. Spoiler alert: It wouldn’t be the last time. You ate quietly, trying hard to fight tiredness but it was no use. Afterwards, you showed him the room he could stay in.
“How do I make this up to you?” he asked.
“We’ll think about that another time, alright?” you said, “I need to sleep now. I’ve got an unsolved murder case waiting on me tomorrow.”
That night, you locked your bedroom door and slept with your gun on your nightstand. Just in case. Even though you were almost fully convinced the demon in the bedroom across the hall was more harmless than a five-year-old, he was still a demon.
~
When you woke up and saw your boss’ message on your phone, you couldn’t believe it. She wanted you to stay at home for the day. Apparently, you needed the rest and she had no interest in getting into trouble for overworking you (which she obviously wasn’t, you were the one doing this to yourself). When you walked down the stairs, you had almost forgotten about the previous night. It felt a little like it had all just been one wild fever dream – that was, until you spotted the demon sitting on your sofa, your pet bird on his shoulder.
“I let him out, I hope that was okay,” he said. You were dumbfounded. “Listen, I just wanted to say…thank you. Tell me whatever you need me to do and I’ll get it done for you.”
You wanted to go to work. But you knew he would be no help making that possible. Your mind was already wandering off to your case, the tips of your fingers burning with anticipation to search the internet for clues. Your grumbling belly interrupted your eagerness.
“Um…you could go to the grocery store for me?” you asked.
~
You went back to work the next day. Unsure of what to do, you decided to keep your demon housemate a secret for now. The other detectives would have probably written you off as insane, and you needed them to take you seriously. To be fair, maybe you were a little crazy. But he had been really good on the first day. Only one incident, which involved him dropping an egg on the kitchen floor, stood out to you. Of course, that could happen to anyone. But any other person would not have apologized in the way that he did. Normal people wouldn’t have acted so guilty, had it been an accident. But as long as his malice remained to that extent, you could live with it. You almost laughed at the idea of him purposely watching the egg roll off the counter and not doing anything.
He sure was strange. But little did you know, his egg-dropping shananigans were only the beginning of his uncontrollable little pranks he would pull on you.
Once he let your bird fly out the window. When you came home you discovered him outside, talking to your bird, begging him to come back inside. Little did he know, all it took was a whistle and a few treats and you had him sitting on your shoulder, ready to go back inside. One night you returned home to find him staring at the ceiling in the dining room, a kitchen towel in his hand. When you asked him what he was trying to achieve there, he told you there was a mosquito sitting above him.
“So, why don’t you kill it?” you asked. He looked shocked.
“Kill it?” he asked, “We should probably just shoo it outside.”
That’s when you knew. Choi Chanhee wouldn’t hurt a fly. Literally. All those times you had worried about leaving him home alone with your bird vanished in an instant as you laughed.
“You’re right. Killing is one of the worst sins. But sometimes, especially when it comes to mosquitoes, you don’t need to worry about any consequences. If anything, I’ll be grateful,” you assured him.
Another instance made you think maybe you had been too quick to judge him as harmless. When you walked into your bathroom in the morning, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes, you almost jumped out of your skin. A red substance stuck to your mirror in what seemed to be random shapes. On impulse, you called his name. On second look, you realized what he had done. The red was merely ketchup, and the random shapes weren’t so random, but they spelled “meeting at 2 pm”. When Chanhee appeared in the doorframe, he already wore his sorry expression.
“What did you think you were doing here?” you said. “You know where the post-it notes are!”
“I- He- The demon in me wanted to scare you…I’m so sorry,” he said. It was difficult to be mad at him when he was so sweet. You had, after all, told him to remind you of your meeting you had that day. He was so easy to forgive, too. Whenever he went to buy groceries, he returned with a bouquet of flowers, and after he had figured out your favorite candy, he made sure you never ran out of your supply. You liked being alone, but suddenly it felt nice to have someone waiting for you at home. A warm sensation filled your heart whenever he asked you about your day during dinner.
Even if after dinner you had to argue with him as if he was your son, because the demon in him had decided to take on the form of a teenage boy who was too lazy to take out the trash. You were still seated at the table, rolling your eyes at the demon’s horrible attempt at being evil.
“Don’t make me ask you one more time,” you threatened him, although you didn’t know what you would have done had he continued to argue against you. Only when he reached for the knife that he had already put down tidily on his plate, your eyes widened. His knuckles were white around the metal and you leaned back instinctively. Your gun was still in your belt – you had sat down for dinner straight after returning home – but you didn’t want to use it. Not on him.
“Chanhee,” you spoke in a calm tone. His face was unreadable. He wasn’t making eye contact. Instead, his gaze was glued onto the blade in his hand, staring blankly. His eyes blinked, almost robotically. Something changed in his demeanor then. There was a tremble in the hand that was clutching the knife. It grew more uneasy by each passing moment. Your heart was pounding in your chest and you kept your eyes trained on him, trusting your reflexes.
“Fine,” he suddenly said in a grumpy tone. Then he dropped the knife. The metallic sound rang in your ears for seconds afterward. You let out the breath you didn’t know you had been holding on to, as you watched him get up and retrieve the full trash bag from under the sink. You had been sleeping with your bedroom door unlocked for weeks. Even though it pained you, that night you locked your door again.
~
At 3:28 am you awoke to the sound of breaking glass. You allowed yourself to yawn and rub the sleep out of your eyes for just a moment, then you were on your feet. Gun in hand, you opened your door. Across the hall, the door to Chanhee’s room stood ajar. Light came from downstairs.
“Chanhee?” you called quietly. No answer. But your ears picked up shuffling and the sound of shards of glass being moved around. You approached slowly, trying not to give yourself away. Then you heard the quiet sobs. Your arm with the gun dropped to your side when you stepped into the kitchen.
He was sitting on the floor like he was one of the shattered pieces of glass himself. When he saw you, he flinched and tried to dry away his tears. But it was no use. They kept coming, and you had already seen them either way.
“I dropped it on purpose,” he said, referring to the broken glass. Another sob went through his body, making your chest ache at the sight of him. “I’m sorry.”
“I have nine more of those. It’s alright,” you assured him. Gently, you sat down by his side. You put your arms around his hunched frame. He stiffened at first but calmed his muscles after a moment and let you hold him.
“Shh, it’s okay,” you said. Whatever it was that was hurting him so much, you’d be here to fight it off for him.
“I can’t stop the evil in me,” he cried. His weeps seeped through your skin and tugged at your organs. It felt like a thousand tiny, sharp needles in your heart.
“It’s a part of you. It’ll never fully go away. But look at you, you’re doing such a good job holding it inside of you,” you whispered. He shuddered.
“I tried to kill you,” he stated. “I don’t deserve you. You’re so kind. You do all this for me, and I tried to kill you.”
“But you didn’t,” you said. “And that’s what counts. We all have urges inside of us…but it’s what we end up doing that truly counts and makes us who we are.”
“But it’s so hard,” he cried. His face was in the crook of your neck as he sniffled. The small teardrops that touched your skin felt like ice. “And all I do is bother you. I’m an inconvenience. Why don’t you just lock me up with the other demons? Why give me another chance every time I mess up?”
You couldn’t believe he would hate himself so much. Chanhee had more compassion than a lot of the humans you knew had. Some days he sat and pet your bird for hours just because it made him happy, he always had money on him to give to the homeless people in front of the grocery store and he almost cried thinking he forgot to pay for an item at the store (which you had obviously paid for).
“How could you even compare yourself to other demons?” you said. “If you want, I will take you in to work with me sometime. Then you’ll see the atrocities others commit. Even among humans, you’d still be sorted into the best of the best. I believe in you and that you will do good.”
He only sobbed harder at what you had said, and you felt the need to pull him in just a little tighter. You softly rocked your bodies in an attempt to calm him down.
“I would fall apart without you.” Between the hiccups and tears his words sounded like a broken confession, but that’s why they hit so hard.
“You’re not alone in this. I’m here for you,” you whispered, lips right by his ear. Your hands were in his hair, stroking his head as if you could pour all your emotions into this one gesture. What else could you do to show him you would never abandon him the way his demon people had? And it seemed to do the trick. His fists that had been clutching your shirt loosened up and his sorrowful crying turned into mellow breathing on your skin.
“Aren’t you sleepy?” you asked. “Let’s get you back to sleep. Tomorrow things will be better.”
“I haven’t been able to sleep well for three days,” he said. “But I need to clean this up first.”
He let go of you and started to pick up shards of glass. There was still a haggard expression on him, and his cheeks were painted red and tear stained. And yet he was determined.
“Let me do this,” you said, touching his arm. “You can’t even keep your eyes open. Go to bed, Chanhee.”
This time, he didn’t argue. But his good behavior didn’t stop the apologetic, almost battered look at you. He knew you would be by his side no matter what – but what he needed most was his own forgiveness. And you could tell by the way he spoke about himself that it would take a while until he was ready to accept himself as he was.
You heard his heavy steps on the stairs as he walked to his room. Quickly, you gathered the biggest shards of glass and then used a hand brush to collect the tiny pieces. This wasn’t what you had signed up for when you had taken him in. You thought you’d have to argue with him daily and that you’d miss having your personal space and privacy. You knew it would be new, living with another person after living alone for so long. But nothing could have prepared you for the way Chanhee had swept you off your feet with his adorable charms. You didn’t need to fake excitement when you came home to him, nor did you ever have to force yourself to tell him about your day or have any conversation with him, for that matter. He was truly enchanting with the way he made you care so much. Especially when you had assumed all demons were your sworn enemies.
When you finally dragged your tired body upstairs, you softly pushed open the door to his room, only to see him lying wide awake.
“Can’t sleep?” you asked. “Even though you’re so exhausted?”
“No,” he spoke. Even his voice made no attempt at hiding the sleepiness. His look was pleading. “Can you please stay with me…just for a little while?”
There was no way you could say no to his lovely gaze and messy hair and outstretched arms. So, you crawled in next to him under the covers. Your faces were inches apart. The last time you had been looking into a demon’s eyes this close-up he had been lying face-up and dead on the side of a road. Those eyes had been lifeless, and yet you felt like they had still held so much ferociousness, even in death. Now you only saw concern and genuine care in the black orbs across from you. You admired his softly sculpted face. It was one that seemed like it would much rather belong to an angel.
“You’ve been working so much,” he whispered. “You must be much more tired than me.”
“I’m used to it,” you said, “I enjoy my work because I’m doing it to help others.”
“You’re a good person,” he stated. There was something in his voice you couldn’t make out. Regret? Admiration?Maybe it was both.
“So are you, Chanhee,” you said. Without second thought, you leaned forward and pressed your lips to his cheek. He didn’t flinch nor pull away. Instead, his pretty lips curled into a smile as he closed his eyes, ready to finally drift off to dreamland.
~
From that night on he seemed to improve a little, day by day. No more breaking things or having to argue about simple house chores. It occurred to you almost as if he had turned into something more human – so much that you dared to take him to work with you. People there had found the idea of your new demon friend strange, and you were sure some would take more than a little convincing to let down their guard around him. You couldn’t blame them for the prejudices – you had once been the same, after all. But Chanhee was okay with it, even when you had explained to him that some people might hate him, just because of his black eyes and what they meant to people. He had lived years of receiving that sort of treatment. Nonetheless, it pained you to think about how used he was to it. It took bravery and thick skin to walk into a police station the way he did that day. He was fascinated, looking behind the scenes. Perhaps you found it amusing how alarmed everyone was when they first laid eyes on him at the station. His ability to turn around their views of his species within twenty seconds or less was nothing but astonishing. He very willingly took it upon himself to walk down to the nearest coffee shop and order ten cups, also earning him the sympathy from the last few sceptics. When you were deep in conversation with another detective, discussing the possible whereabouts of a highly wanted demon, Chanhee suddenly interrupted you.
“I know an underground club where they like to go after…committing crimes,” he said. “Every demon in this city knows about it.”
At that moment you realized his full potential and what good he could really do. That was, if he was ready to sacrifice his people. But he just had – without even blinking. He could be an immense help to you.
“Young man I can see you have a bright future, should you ever decide to join the police force,” said your boss from across the room. Seemed like she had the same idea as you. Chanhee only smiled shyly but couldn’t hide the glint of pride in his eyes.
~
The following days you instantly made arrangements to get Chanhee an interview with the head of the station. He had been scared, at first.
“What if the other people there hate me?” he suspected.
“They might make assumptions about you in their heads, you know, because you’re a demon. They only know demons to be evil. But the moment they realize how good of a person you are, I promise they’ll change their mind,” you said. “You’ll be precious to us, and if you want to do good, the police is where you can be the most helpful. You’ll change lives, maybe even save people.”
“Yes, I want to help,” he said. “I’m done with my kind.”
“I’ll talk to my boss tomorrow,” you assured him. “If you’re too anxious to come in to the station, maybe she’ll allow you to work from home, from my office here. This is just a try, okay? If you really enjoy this work, you’ll have to learn and earn your badge.”
The way he looked at you filled you with so much pride. He seemed to have found some hope. Like he could finally spend his time in a productive and truly good manner. You couldn’t wait to see how he would do.
~
A tiring day and many discussions with higher-ups at workplace later, you returned at your home, late at always. Your fingers tingled with excitement and you wanted to yell for Chanhee the moment you walked through your door. You had managed to score an internship for him at your station. He was allowed to start as early as the following week. As you walked up the stairs, following the shuffling noise you heard, you imagined his face when you told him the news. You knew he’d be ecstatic. His smile would make you so happy, and you almost grinned at the mere thought of it. The noises were coming out of your office.
“Hi, Chanhee. Guess what my boss-,” you started. Then you fell speechless. Paper was scattered all over the floor. Drawers stood wide open. The orderly sorted piles of case files you had been working on were dispersed into every corner of the small room. Photos and pieces of paper were falling out of the folders. And in midst of it all stood Chanhee.
“Y/N- I’m so-,” he said, helpless.
“Don’t,” you said. Every ounce of excitement was gone from your voice, replaced by an ice cold tone you didn’t know you had in you. He flinched, but you couldn’t keep in what you had to say. “You’re impossible. I can’t fucking believe this! These are real cases, Chanhee! I’m trying to save real people here! This isn’t some broken mirror or a spilled cup of water. I can look past a shattered glass, but this is too much…I honestly thought you were getting better…”
Somewhere you knew you were being too harsh. But your job was your entire reason for existing. This was your life mission, laid out in front of you as if a hurricane had rampaged through the room. It would take days for you to rearrange the files. You weren’t even sure if you’d be able to find the correct places for each piece of paper.
“I’m sorry,” he said, voice cracking because he was about to cry.
“I don’t want to see you right now. Please get out. I need to clean this up and you can’t help me with this,” you said, trying hard not to scream out of frustration. Your eyes were already scanning the floor. You had no idea where to even start. With low-hanging shoulders and teary eyes that were threatening to spill over, Chanhee slipped past you. He granted you one more look before he scurried out of the office like a frightened animal.
Even though your stomach was grumbling from starvation and you could barely stay awake – as always – you needed to get some of the cleaning done. Now. Or you would go insane. Plus, you needed time away from Chanhee. While you collected the paper from every inch of the wooden floor, guilt slowly started to nag at you. You had never raised your voice at him to this extent. And he was sensitive. It wasn’t his fault, that’s what you always told him when he blamed himself for messing things up. He knew that. You cursed at yourself. How could you be so impulsive? All too well you knew how he felt about his demon half. You were supposed to be there for him, to tell him he was doing a good job and to make sure he didn’t beat himself up. Now you had achieved the complete opposite. A dull ache in your chest accompanied your hungry stomach.
Suddenly, the doorbell rang. In a haze, you stepped down the stairs and to the door. You needed to apologize to Chanhee. When you opened the door, a delivery girl from your favorite restaurant stood there, handing you an order. You were puzzled.
“Already payed for,” she checked with a beaming smile, “Enjoy your meal!”
“Thank you,” you said, voice numb. Before you knew it, she had turned on her heel and was on the way back to the car.
“Chanhee! Your food is here,” you shouted, assuming he was the one who had made the order. You got no answer. When you set the bag down on the kitchen table, you saw a note, addressed to you.
Y/N,
Words can’t express how sorry I am about what I’ve done. All my life I only wanted someone to love me. In you, I thought I might have found what I had been searching for all this time. But I messed up. I always do. I drove you away from what we had. I’ve wondered why I always end up disappointing people. Now I know it’s because it’s the only thing I’m truly good at. You deserve someone you can trust blindly, someone who will walk through fire for you, someone who will take a bullet for you. I can’t give you that. I can’t even trust myself. Thank you for giving me a home and for being the most generous person I have ever met. You will always be in my sweet evil heart. Don’t worry about me too much. I will find my way and you will find yours. Who knows, our paths may cross again. I ordered your favorite food. I know you’re always starving when you get home from work. Enjoy it and don’t let it go cold. Make sure you get enough sleep tonight, and don’t forget to take your water bottle with you tomorrow, you left it here this morning.
I’ll hold you in my happiest thoughts forever,
Chanhee
You only snapped out of your motionless state when one single tear dropped down your cheek and onto the note. A heavy blanket of sorrow and regret sunk into your whole body. The emotions seeped through your skin and before you knew it, you were a sobbing mess on the kitchen floor. You wanted to take him in your arms and tell him you forgave him. Hell, you had forgiven him minutes after you had yelled at him. You should have gone to him then. Had you only apologized quickly enough, perhaps he’d still be here. Then he’d be eating dinner with you, and although you’d be frustrated, you both wouldn’t be alone.
Your tears fell into your food while you ate it, unable to control your sadness and frustration you had against yourself. They mixed with the shower water as you stood in silence under the hot stream, overthinking everything. Your pillow was wet from the crying as you struggled to fall asleep. Like a broken-hearted zombie you trudged across the hall and into his room. Chanhee’s covers still smelled like him and you hugged them tightly, as if you could hold a piece of him and bring him back that way. But there was nothing you could have done. He had left, and it was alone your fault.
~
The next day passed like a vivid fever dream. While you were sat in your meeting, you couldn’t possibly focus on the case your team was discussing. Instead, you pondered whether your makeup was able to conceal your puffy face and the dark circles under your eyes. If it was obvious, at least people didn’t seem to point it out. Maybe they were so used to seeing you tired that it would take a lot more than some tiredness and lack of concentration to arise concern. It was the first time in years you really wanted to go home after work. In fact, you couldn’t stand the laughter and good mood at the police station for one more second. All you wanted to do was scream and cry, and seeing people joke around without any idea about your feelings only intensified your desire. Of course, you could have confided in somebody. But you were afraid they would tell you Serves you right or I told you. You don’t think you’d be able to handle those blatant assumptions and the mocking.
Your plan for the night was set: You’d sit in the bathtub for half an hour, then you’d wrap yourself into a human burrito in a blanket and fill your brain with some brutal movie that would make your life seem like it was mere child’s play. But as most things in your life lately, nothing went as planned. Because after only five minutes in the hot tub, your phone rang on the other side of the room. The first time you ignored it. You really tried. But then it rang again, and you looked up to see the caller ID. It was your boss.
You groaned and quickly stood up, not giving up on the prospects of a peaceful night just yet. But then you heard her message – a break-in at a bank, one dead bank employee, five hostages, a possible shoot out. They were calling for back up. And when there was a chance to throw bad guys behind bars, the most inviting bath or an exciting movie suddenly turned dull.
Not fifteen minutes later you had jumped out the bath, gotten dressed in your uniform, taken your gun and ammunition, and were pulling up at the scene your boss had ordered you to. The bank was in the city center, close to the main square. The police team was stationed in a side street. Some of the team had already been sent to the front of the bank, where the police was attempting to make contact with the robbers.
“They’re holding four hostages in the back of the bank. One of them is at the front, right by the glass doors for us to see. The robbers have guns to their heads. If we come closer, they’ll shoot them,” your colleague informed you.
“Demons?” you asked. Against your will, Chanhee appeared in your mind. You wondered how he was doing. Was he hiding out in somebody else’s garden right now? Had he found a bed to sleep in? Then you quickly shook your head. This was not the time for heavy emotions of any kind.
“Yes. Five of them,” your colleague added. You huffed.
“What do they want us to do? Are they demanding anything?” you asked.
“They want us to let them leave with the money,” she said. You grinned bitterly and nodded.
“What about the back entrance?” you asked. You knew the layout of this bank and had been there multiple times in the past.
“That’s our route. Besides the one at the front, the other demons are inside the bank. The entrance isn’t guarded. A team of four will go to the back and try to sneak up on them. When we have a clear line of fire on all the robbers, we’ll take them out at the same time,” she explained.
“Alright,” you nodded, fixing your bulletproof vest around your upper body. You were ready for this. To others, missions like these would have been nerve-wrecking, and you would have been lying if you said you were completely calm. But the adrenaline was already rushing through your body, and fear was something you hadn’t felt since your very first operation.
“All ready?” your colleague asked the other two members of the team who would go into the bank. You received nods and professional expressions. You had all trained together and were used to functioning like one unit. Sticking close together, you rounded the bank, using a side street so the demons wouldn’t see you approaching. In your ear, the voice of your boss was giving orders and checking in on you. The street was dark and devoid of any life except for your team. Multiple of the surrounding streets had been evacuated and shut off to the public. The scene had something straight out of a heist movie. Except this time, the robbers weren’t going to pull of the perfect theft and get away. You would make sure of it.
“We’re almost there,” you said. “Twenty meters to the entrance. Awaiting permission to go inside.”
“You have permission,” your boss spoke over your earpiece. One last look at your teammates, and you were on the move. Sneaking inside soundlessly was easy. The backrooms were all empty. As you passed abandoned offices, you saw knocked over office equipment and paper scattered on the floors. Lamps had been left on and you heard the faint buzzing of a running computer that was most certainly unoccupied. Moving swiftly, you walked along the corridors, guns pointed ahead at all times. Your teamwork was untouchable. One of you made sure the path was clear, then the rest followed.
“You are one room away from the entry hall,” your boss said.
“Understood,” you answered and slowed down your steps. A cat wouldn’t have been able to walk more silently than you did. Now your ears picked up voices. Somebody was crying. There was shuffling of feet on marble.
“Shut up!” a male voice yelled. The crying faded out into muteness. In the dark, you could make out figures. A few countertops and a good distance separated you and your team from the demons and the hostages. You nodded to your colleagues and they understood. The four of you parted ways, moving into the room and taking shelter behind the bank counters. Once again, you checked the situation. Close to you, four hostages sat on the floor. A woman was still crying, and you could tell she was struggling to keep herself quiet. Around them, four demons stood, dressed in black. Their ski masks kept their faces hidden, but their body languages told you enough. They were not to be messed with. By the far entrance, the fifth demon was positioned with the remaining hostage, and you could spot the police cars outside in the town square. From behind your hiding spots, each of your teammates had a clear line of fire on the demons. The fifth one would be taken out from police outside the bank. You were just about to send a signal to your boss to let her know you were in position. Suddenly, the scraping of feet on the floor alarmed you.
“What was that?” one of the demons barked. The noise had come from your colleague beside you, who was now flinching. You had no time to think. No time to complain about her mistake. If you didn’t act now, they were going to close in on you.
You jumped up, pointing your gun at the closest demon. Right away, the remaining demons had their guns aimed at the hostages’ heads. Your colleagues had done as you, guns held towards the demons. Now you got a proper look at them. They were towering over the hostages, who were crouched on the floor in intimidation. The one in front of you only chuckled. Humans didn’t laugh like this. It was pure malice and recklessness displayed in front of you.
“I thought we told you to stay away,” he began. The only thing you could truly note about him was his mouth. The rest was covered by his mask and where the white of eyes should have been, two orbs of darkness sat, eying you like prey.
“Let the hostages go and we won’t shoot you,” you ordered, with a surprisingly calm voice.
“And why would we do that when we can just kill them?” he asked. His gaze momentarily focused on his fellow demons, as if he was a stand-up comedian and he had just delivered the funniest punch line.
“You will die if you harm even one of the hostages,” you stated.
“Oh, is that so? Humans never learn, do they?” he said. This monster was completely insane. And suicidal too, it seemed. “Go on, shoot.”
First, you thought he was urging your team to shoot. Then you realized, he was looking at the demon closest to you. The very demon you had your gun pointed at. He was asking the other demon to shoot at the hostages. You were preparing to pull the trigger.
But then your mind started racing. You stared at him intensely as your heartbeat quickened uncontrollably in your chest. The dark eyes. The soft lips. His skinny frame and gentle hands. You knew exactly who this demon was. You’d be able to pick him out of any crowd. What the hell was he doing here?
“Shoot!” the bigger demon shouted again, but Chanhee didn’t budge.
“I told you he was goddamn useless,” one of the others said. “Get rid of him.”
“You don’t deserve any of this money,” the bigger demon snarled, and his hand went to his belt. You knew there were human lives on the line. What you were about to do could be considered not only stupid, but wildly imprudent. Emotions were supposed to be left out of police operations. But how could you not have been blind with shock? You were going to let your heart control your body over your mind, and if it was deadly so be it. The bigger demon was now raising his arm at Chanhee.
Before you knew it, you had jumped out from behind the counter. You mirrored the demon’s actions and you pointed at him, pulling the trigger. At the same time, his gun went off. Just in time, you had pushed your body between the two demons.
“Y/N!” Chanhee shouted.
The bullet hit your shoulder and you fell backwards. Burning heat spread through your insides as you stumbled and reached for anything, anyone to hold on to. You could only think of Chanhee, and how your bullet had pierced through the big demon’s skull perfectly. Then, your colleagues opened the gunfire. The shots sounded almost muffled through the intense amount of adrenaline in your blood and the initial effect of being hit. Your body fell to the ground with a heavy thud, and a wave of agony spread through you. You grimaced at the excruciating pain, hands grasping at your shoulder. All you could see was white, before you sank onto your back and the world went dark.
~approximately 18 months later~
“Y/N,” Chanhee said, for the sixth time within the last ten minutes. You pressed your phone harder against your ear, holding it up with your shoulder. Your hands were too busy writing a police report on your laptop.
“Chanhee, I promise I’m writing the last few sentences already,” you assured him. He liked it when you came home early, leaving enough time to relax on the couch with him, instead of falling into bed like a corpse. Today, he was especially insistent, urging you to stay on the phone with him until you had finally packed up your things and left the police department. You guessed he was just trying to make sure you couldn’t stop somewhere along the way and start working on something new. And maybe that fear wasn’t so far off the truth.
“I’m done,” you said. “Status report: I’m switching off the laptop. Now I’m taking my bag. I’m getting up. I’m locking my office behind me. I’ll be home in twenty minutes or less.”
His laughter on the other side of the line made you smile. You couldn’t wait to see his face and get to hug him.
“Alright. I can’t wait,” he said. “I’ll see you.”
The walk home was calm. A soft breeze went through your hair and in the distance, you heard sirens of an ambulance. Promptly you were catapulted back to your memories and into the vehicle after you had been shot. Going in and out of consciousness, you kept repeating one name: Chanhee. When you woke up in the hospital bed, you half-expected him to be sitting there, waiting for you to wake up. But of course that was not the case. He had committed a crime – or at least tried to commit one. The prosecution was in his favor. They acknowledged his compliance with the police and his hesitation to hurt the hostage. Plus, he sold out the other demons and showed no resistance at any point. His regret and sorrow was apparent, nonetheless his mistake caused him 11 months in prison – by far less than the other robbers got.
People had called you insane for standing by him. Others thought you brave and newspapers named him the first good demon in the world. Every week you visited him in prison, often more than once. You made the most of your short time to talk, and with your kindest words you let him know that you were still here for him. Every visit you learned a bit more about how he had ended up in that bank.
After he had walked out on you, he had nowhere to go. So, after strolling the street mazes for days he found himself in the very demon night club he had once warned you about. Most unsavory figures twisted his mind into thinking doing good was no use. They made him believe he would never be able to escape the demon in him, and he might as well embrace the malice. They more or less pulled him along to the robbery, while he overthought the whole thing. It hurt you, seeing him cry as he recounted how scared he was when he saw the hostages. Some of them ended up injured, but all survived. You knew he would have never forgiven himself, had one of them died.
The day you picked him up from prison was a day you’d never forget. Holding each other in your arms felt so right, and you had missed it tremendously. His months at the prison hadn’t been easy, but you made sure he felt loved and cared for when he finally returned. He almost refused to believe that you would open your doors to him again. It was no question to you. You’d always be here for him. Even when he insisted you keep your office at home locked at all times. You trusted him almost a hundred percent by now. His demon only came out rarely, especially in times of stress or intense negative emotions. But you only treated him with kindness, and he gave back just as much of it.
“Chanhee I’m home!” you shouted as you entered your home.
“I’m up here,” he spoke. You ran up the stairs, excited to see him. Your eyes fell onto the open door of your office. For a moment, your heartbeat quickened as you approached it. You must have forgotten to lock the door that morning. Slowly, you pushed it open.
“Hello,” he grinned. You only chuckled as you watched him, sitting by your desk, a book in his hands. “I hope you don’t mind me being in here. This chair is so comfortable.”
“It’s all good,” you said. “Do you know what day it is today?”
“Umm…Friday?” he asked.
“It’s been exactly two years since you first started living here,” you said. “I think we should get some take out and celebrate, what do you say?”
“I can’t believe it’s been two years,” he said. “I’d love that. And you know what? I think I’m ready to start the internship at the police station.”
You smiled proudly. He had put his book down and was getting up.
“You’re going to do good things,” you said, wrapping your arms around him. He finally had found his place. His home. And you were never going to give up on him.
#chanhee scenarios#new scenarios#tbz new scenarios#tattoos#the boyz icons#the boyz scenarios#tbz scenarios#tbz imagines#tbz angst#tbz fluff#chanhee fluff#chanhee angst#chanhee x reader#kpop fluff#kpop angst#demon au#kpop scenarios#kpop imagines
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How the newly Dateables would do in a “The Forest” AU
So this was inspired and allowed to post by @lucifers-favorite-pen
I read theirs about the brothers and had to write something for the others as well!
Definitely check out their post too: The Brothers in “The Forest”
Warning: some curse words, very slight gore
Solomon:
I have ANOTHER child?
ignore that, I didn't say anything, you have no proof I have a child, can I request a paternity test before I start searching for him?
will spend at least an hour at the planecrash harvesting everything that seems of use... So basically picking up everything until his bag is completely stuffed
no magic? That's a problem, tries to summon his pacts nonetheless, obviously fails, gets a bit disgruntled by the fact he now has to carry all the shit he picked up himself, will try to load it into the bag of someone else only to get called off
"but it's for us~ it's going to help the group immensely! Won't you help me carry it?"
Lucifer: "why would we need so many wristwatches and coins?"
"to make bombs!"
Lucifer:" that would only endanger us more, leave it here"
Solomon getting forced to leave things behind so he isn't overloaded anymore (Mammon will most definitely pick up all the wristwatches for later selling purposes)
will not help building a shelter, “you know I would help but I'm just not as strong as you... In our team I am the brain and you guys are the brawn”, will get hit by the demons... That's probably the first time he dies, through discovering friendly fire
will be using the brothers as a shield, because he doesn't want to respawn and lose all his stuff
actually will help Beel building traps around the base, well he tells where to put what, but that still helps to fend off many nightly visitors
will collect body parts of the cannibals out of the traps first thing in the morning
"Solomon are you making a cannibal leg stew? I think I just became a vegetarian"- everyone. periodt.
5/10 survivalist. He sure is intelligent and will make some things easy, but he is still a shady and selfish bitch, You're getting attacked? Watch Solomon hiding 2 meters away from you behind a rock while he plunders Mammons dead body
Diavolo:
“oh? This is way more fun that sitting in this noble meeting I just got teleported out from” (every noble will panic, but Dia doesn't care)
“this is my son? How exciting I'll show him his future Kingdom once we saved him! wait he's not real? He will disappear when we finish the game?” sad Dia
is excited all the time, “oooh is this what a camping trip feels like? Except for the plane crash of course... But walking around the forest with friends, making a shelter, eating food at a campfire... That's exactly a camping trip!”
Diavolo please calm down, you're going to lead the cannibals to us
"Cannibals? How interesting, but would they even eat us? I mean it's a human game right? So if humans see them as cannibals then they would eat humans not demons or angels right?" sorry Mc, you’ll be sacrificed...
Will test out that theory. Surprise, he is wrong and almost gets eaten if it weren't for Lucifer and Barbatos protection, gets a good scolding afterwards, will be more cautious from then on
“Barbatos, I command you to protect Mc all the time! We can't have something happen to them even if it is just in a game”
building a shelter? Never done it before but it sounds fun, will instantly adjust to Beel, if you chop wood you have to get rid of your shirt first right? Will give his best and use his strength to carry as many logs as he can
just shirtless lumberjack Diavolo
hears someone complain about not being able to use magic. Oh right he could have used magic, had too much fun to even consider using magic. “This is a great challenge for us all!”
10 /10 even though he doesn't notice it, he is giving his best without having to think about it, has a whole lot of fun and isn't the tiniest bit scared. Will ask for a repetition of the game, ending in everyone running away to destroy the game disc
Barbatos:
smiles while he asks who of the brothers he has to murder thanks to this mess he's now in
will kill Levi, confused when he respawns without Barb having to rewind time, makes the job easier for him
will give out jobs to the group to organize everything so they can be sure they have everything covered
"Mc your job is not dying, sit down on this tree stump and watch out for any inconvenience that might occure... What did you just say? Could you repeat that?... There is a horde of naked men without genitals running down the hill? I- Did you hit your head in the plane crash?"
"Oh unholy devil king, you are right!"
Will move camp immediately somewhere more safe
build a camp? He has so many jobs, he is overseer, he will find food and make meals out of it, he will make a list of the materials they have and calculate how long they can last with it
will be on night watch every night, makes them move to a new location almost every day due to spotting patrols, not everyone is happy about it but they do as he says cause Dia trusts Barb, and Lucy follows everywhere Dia goes, and everyone else is scared of Lucy
will not die, the first fight he gets into a sweat will be in the endgame, will be packed with medical equipment, food, drinks and strong weapons, endgame is suddenly easy
10/10 pacifist run (besides the unavoidable fights in the end), is pretty chill most of the time, has everything and everyone under control
Simeon:
"did anyone get hurt? Here let me check up on everyone, oh my-" holds hands over Lukes and Mcs eyes and whispers to the others "Is that stewardess dead?"
Mammon:"sure is" instantly starts searching for valuables on the dead body
Simeon will guide Mc and Luke out of the plane to the side where they can't see any gore and make them wait there
holds hands of Luke and Mc on the way through the forest so a) they don't get scared and b) so they don't run off after any animals they see
shelter job? Take care of the children (Mc and Luke), plant a garden of herbs and berries with Luke, Mc and Barbatos, keep Solomon away from the campfire it's dangerous enough already, don't let Solomon cook a concoction that will kill them even faster
weird, naked, unsocialized man are attacking us? “Mc, Luke stay close behind me! I, archangel Simeon will protect you... With this sharp stick, cause I don't have any other weapons or magic to hand, but do fear not!”
will die the first time protecting Luke and Mc... Will be devasted when they both respawn with him as well “I failed at keeping you safe... forgive me”
will craft himself a bow and arrows and be even more determined to protect the precious young ones
will not kill animals, “we have enough berries, herbs and other edible things, look this tree bark tastes great, it's like spaghetti if you cook it in hot water and with this berry juice on top it's a perfectly fine meal” Will be the only one eating it, even Luke prefers not to
will not give up and stay positive (even when everyone ignores his suggestions), Mc and Luke try to cheer him up by doing some of his suggestions
5/10 he really tries but there is only so much he can do, he has no real weapon and even when he does he prefers to only knock out his enemys and run, making the cannibals only more aggressive with every fight
Luke:
doesn't see shit, because of Simeons hand, “what happend? What's going on? Why are we waking up in a plane?”
follows Simeons advise, gets extremely embarrassed about holding his hand "I'm not a child! I won't run away!.... Oh look there is a cute deer... did it get separated from his family? Maybe we can help him? Wait Simeon don't pull me away-"
"don't worry Mc I'll protect you!" gets scared of the cannibals and will hide behind Mc and Simeon
won't be able to do any physical labor to help build a shelter due to his childlike physic, will carry dry sticks and rocks to the camp with Mc and build a campfire for later
“I want to bake some dessert, do you think we can find flour here? And eggs? I can make a cake through melting these chocolate bars we found at the airplane, okay let me go look for baking materials”
from there on nobody left him even one second of privacy, you need to go to the toilet? Okay let's go to this bush I wait behind you, you don't need protection while peeing? Maybe not but you might run away
Luke being stressed and embarrassed 24/7 and getting teased about it by the demons... You need to go to the toilet again? Let me take you on a walk chihuahua~
1/10 he is not a help most of the time, does prioritize the wrong things, it's just a game...and he is weak for sweets and cute animals
#obey me shall we date#obey me headcanons#obey me#obey me swd#obey me solomon#obey me diavolo#obey me barbatos#obey me simeon#obey me luke
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love in three acts | din djarin x reader
three acts of love between the mando and his one and only crew member.
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1.7k words
mentions: nightmares/night terrors, pining, piv sex, a bit of fluff but also a bit of spice to make things interesting, NSFW!
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1.
You’re not sure what wakes you initially, but you do know for certain that it’s the whimpering and the crying that gets you out of bed. You think it might be the baby at first— he wakes up hungry on occasion— but then you realize that all the fuss is coming from Mando’s bunk, not the Child’s pram.
Sitting up on your little pallet, you force to listen closely in the darkness just incase you’re mistaken. But no, you can still hear it, the crying the babbling and the pleading. You’re up at once after that, rushing to the other side of the room as quick as you can. Mando fell asleep with the panel open and his armor on, thank the Maker, so you don’t hesitate to check on him. He twitches and shakes on top of the blanket, distressed in a way unlike anything you’ve ever seen from him before. Mando mumbles and cries out, saying ‘no’ over and over again, pleading for what you don’t know.
After three seconds, it dawns on you that Mando’s having a nightmare.
“Mando, wake up,” you say into the darkness, laying your hand on his leg in an attempt to wake him. “Mando, please, it’s me, wake up.”
It’s like the Mandalorian can’t be reached, and you double your efforts, shaking him and raising your voice. “Mando, please,” you call. “It’s not real, you’re on the Crest, you’re—”
The fact that you manage to dodge Mando’s fist is a miracle. You chalk his sloppy aim up to disorientation from sleep and fear, and the action is soon forgotten in your haste to bring Mando back to reality.
“It’s me, it’s me!” you shriek, grabbing Mando by the arms in an attempt to stave off another assault. He’s getting stronger now, fighting more like himself— but just as you begin to fear he can’t be reached, the Mandalorian drops his hands.
“I’m sorry,” he huffs, panting like he’s been sprinting for five minutes straight. You hardly acknowledge the apology, more concerned than offended.
“It’s fine,” you say, but Mando barely seems to hear you, still huffing and clenching his fists.
“I just— It’s— I have nightmares sometimes.”
“I can imagine,” you soothe, and you really can. It’s been a rough few months, lots of running and fighting and killing, and even you’re feeling the strain. Mando’s the one on the front lines, though, protecting the baby, hunting bounties…
Minutes pass, and Mando still doesn’t seem very calm. He tells you to go back to bed, but you shake your head, sitting down on the edge of his bunk.
“Come here,” you say softly, almost whispering, even. Mando’s barely visible in the dim light, but the beskar still glints when he tilts his head.
“What?”
It’s by no means boldly done, but you still reach out, laying a hand on Mando’s shoulder. “Come here.”
The armor makes it harder to hold him, but not impossible, and you slip your arms around Mando’s body slowly, deliberately.
After one long, tense moment, a single gloved hand comes up to hold your waist.
2.
It’s been about thirty minutes since you started looking for your boots, and you’re about ready to give up searching. You could’ve sworn you just had them— you made sure to pull them out before Mando made landing on Nevarro— but now they’re just gone. It’s not like they could have run off on their own, and the Crest isn’t exactly some behemoth of a ship. More frustrating than that, you actually need them now. The toe on your right boot blew out a few days ago, and you were hoping to get it repaired before Mando took off after his next quarry. Karga of course has some work for him, and now you’re are due to go to fucking Hoth of all places. The baby and Mando will be fine, but without your boots, all you’ll have in the way of shoes is the little slipper-style things you’ve been wearing to get you through.
Basically, you’re going to lose at least two toes to the cold and it’s going to be your own fault.
Mando comes clanging back up on to the ship, a bag of supplies and the baby in hand. You turn to him the moment he comes into the hull, throwing up your hands in exasperation.
“Mando, have you seen—?”
As if on cue, the Mandalorian produces your boots from his bag, holding them out casually.
“… My boots,” you finish, taking the shoes from his hands as you say this.
“I got them repaired in the bazaar,” Mando tells you, turning away to start unpacking his other purchases. “You’ll need them on Hoth.”
It’s by no means a romantic speech, but the fact that he thought of you at all makes your stomach do a flip.
“I was going to have them done,” you say softly. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“It wasn’t any trouble. You do a lot around here, so I thought I could pick up the slack a little.” Mando sneaks at you over his shoulder. “Besides, I don’t want you to be cold.”
Coming from anyone else, these words wouldn’t mean a thing. But coming from Mando…
By no means does it encompass how you feel, but it’s the best you can do: “Thank you.”
3.
Part of you wonders if this is the best place to do this, though you decide it doesn’t matter the minute Mando tugs your pants down your legs.
How you ended up on your back like this you may never know, but what you do know is that you want Mando to fuck you into this shitty motel mattress until you cry for him to stop. And he seems content to do just that, pushing inside you with one quick, harsh movement of his hips.
It knocks the breath of you, the force of those first few thrusts, and you quickly realize that there’s nothing to do but lie there and take whatever Mando gives you. He looms over you in the darkness, almost entirely clothed and clad in all his armor. If he wasn’t fucking you within an inch of your life, this have been one of those moments when you forget that Mando really is human under all the beskar. He’s a man, a man with skin and hair and muscle, and you wish you could just touch him, wish you could clutch onto his bare shoulders instead of the icy pauldrons protecting his body.
Maybe one day, you think to yourself, but just as soon as the thought forms, it goes, whisked away by the changing of the angle. Mando just pushed your knees up closer to your shoulders, and now you feel like you might die and cum all at the same time. And would that really be so awful, to die laid out underneath this man? Your pleasure-addled brain doesn’t have the capacity to offer a definitive answer, but your instincts say no, no, there are far worse ways to perish.
Mesmerized, you watch as Mando pulls at his gloves, his hips never breaking pace as he casts them both aside. Somehow, you find it within yourself to form words, to ask what he’s doing, but you don’t get the chance to so much as open your mouth before Mando himself is speaking.
“This good?” he rasps, voice clipped and haggard like he’s holding himself back. You’re the one who’s been making all the noise this whole time, though you’ve been trying to keep yourself quiet. The baby’s asleep just a few feet away in his pram, and the both of you are in a motel, though the couple in the next room over seems to have no qualms about being heard.
“Mmhm,” you whimper, not daring to take your hand off your mouth for fear you’ll scream. And stars, it is good, it’s so fucking—
“You wanna cum, mesh’la? If I touch you, will you cum for me?”
Maker above, yes—
“Make me cum, please.”
It’s all you have the strength to say, and no one’s more surprised than you when the words come out as a whisper instead of a shout. Mando doesn’t need to be told twice, reaching between the both of you to swipe his thumb over your clit once, twice— You cum so fast and so hard that it’s almost embarrassing, completely lost to the feeling. Your body isn’t your own in that moment, it’s movements ruled by your pleasure with an iron fist. It’s like Mando can sense how gone you are, leaning down to press his helmet against your forehead, shushing you and fucking you through the orgasm so you don’t come out of it feeling deprived. But it’s one thing he does that makes the whole situation feel different, one little command that makes you flush with affection.
“Hold my hand, mesh’la, there you go,” Mando whispers to you, pressing one of his palms against yours. He’s good to hold onto in the moment, grounding you, helping you remember that you aren’t alone even as you go off into another world.
By the time you come back down, Mando’s already pulling out of you, doing up his pants and tugging down the hem of his shirt. You’re not sure you could move if you wanted to, but it looks like Mando’s got that covered, tucking himself behind you without making you so much as scoot over in bed. You think you should say something to him, maybe tell him that he doesn’t have to lie with you like this if he doesn’t feel like it, but once again, Mando’s already there in your head.
“We’ll talk tomorrow on the Crest,” he says to you, whispering through the modulator. “Sleep now, mesh’la, I know you’re tired.”
And though you know your body will ache in the morning, you close your eyes and drift off anyway, soothed by the warmth of Mando’s palm on your stomach.
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So…do you guys know The Nanny? As in,,, this sitcom?
Well that, but make it Bakugou.
The Nanny Bakugou HC
NatsuBaku (Also?!?! currently there are 27 Bakugou/Natsuo fics on AO3 and only around 16 are like actual full stories (by that I mean not only PWP, or incomplete) Therefore, it’s is my DUTY to provide more. I just feel it in my bones.)
Bakugou being a nanny hired by one Todoroki brother (here it’s Natsuo) for their oc!kids
So, on a streak of bad luck Bakugou loses his job, his boyfriend broke up with him, said boyfriend also kicked him out, so there goes his living situation too. He ended up taking the nanny job to fix the living situation, and to also give him something to work with while he sorts out everything for the other job he wants.
So, Natsuo has three kids. Your typical lineup (idk if there’s actually a typical line up of kids shh), a teen, a preteen and a toddler basically. Or maybe whatever you call that age where they’re older than a toddler but not preteen as yet. The age when they still like stickers. Anyway.
The oldest is his daughter. Because being the eldest daughter is A Struggle that I can write from the sole of my feet to the end of my hair follicles.
The middle… Wait middle should be twins.
They should be twins if only for a scene where Bakugou can tell them a part when Natsuo’s girlfriend can’t. Hahaha.
The last child is an toddler who doesn’t like anyone and always cries but is really calm around Bakugou.
The kids all end up loving Bakugou but it takes them a while to Get There. Except the last one. The toddler loves him immediately.
So naturally, when Bakugou first arrives they try to drive him away. They make everything harder for him, from making food, to driving them places, to letting him know how the things around the house work or where stuff is supposed to go. Even purposefully messes up his schedules so he always has to rush when it comes to getting them to things. But if they think they can out stubborn Bakugou??? They got another thing coming.
He curses them every single step of the way, but he does not quit. Nope. Cue a typical scene where they bond because Bakugou helps one of the twins with their homework, and the other is like ‘don’t side with the enemy!!’ but eventually they get won over too when Bakugou starts kinda being an asshole to them too. Not really malicious, just doing little things that makes all their little pranks difficult for them instead.
Now I want to to figure out if their other parent is 1. Dead. 2. Alive but doesn’t really care for them. 3. Cares for them but is busy
none of these options include them still being with Natsuo
Dead can fit so much trauma, but the idea of the other parent mistaking Katsuki for Natsuo’s new partner when he isn’t tickles my brain so hard,,,, the other parent is around but they’re distant it is.
The other parent : Doesn’t really care for the kids, doesn’t even want them really. Just paying their money and leaving.
The only argument the twins have is over the other parent. One of them can’t help but miss them while the other just really hates them.
One of the twins invited the other parent to a rehearsal, recital whatever the fuck you want to call it and they didn’t show up but guess who did??? Bakugou. Idc if it’s cliché, I. Do. NOT!! Embrace the cliché.
Bakugou brings them flowers and they both get little charm bracelets with something special to a moment each of them had with him.
Bakugou gets the other job and it’s a teaching job. Before he like, fully here goes though he has to be on a temporary course thing, and who goes to said school? The daughter.
*slaps top of chemistry teacher headcanon* “So many awkward bonding moments can fit in this baby!”
She’s struggling in school? She fears bullied? She has a completely different persona from when she’s at home because she’s uncomfortable with herself/around her ‘friends’ and uses it as a way to cope? Oh my god, she has a completely different persona from when she’s at home because she’s uncomfortable with herself/around her ‘friends’ and uses it as a way to cope. *sobs* so many bonding moments.
Now. His relationship with Natsuo. So much teasing.
So cheesy too.
Natsuo who has more time to eat with the family now that Katsuki is around.
Who had time to go to parks, or sit in the garden outside
Who had time to watch cartoons on Saturdays with the twins
And the always eat breakfast together .
Whenever Natsuo brings home work, Bakugou lounges in his office and works in whatever he has too.
He listen to Natsuo complain about his coworkers and tell Natsuo about whatever dumb things his friends did/were trying to pull him into or complain about teaching
Natsuo always brings home a pastry from the bakery by his office for Katsuki because according to Natsuo they were the ‘best bakery to ever exist’ but according to Bakugou the goods were ‘subpar at best and I could totally make better’ and he wanted to find one that Bakugou liked so that Bakugou would finally bake him something
Bakugou kinda hated Natsuo at first, because he knows all about shitty parents that don’t give their children the time of day, but he eventually sees that Natsuo is trying his hardest and is here for them in all the ways that matter, so <3 (he also said to himself that the family dynamics wasn’t his business and that he wasn’t going to judge. But there he was, judging, judgingly)
Bakugou falls asleep one night with the kids on the sofa while reading them a book(like a novel novel) (yes even the eldest, she like making fun of his exaggeration/taking turns reading parts) and when Natsuo comes home he just…stops and looks at them.
Consider Natsuo having an emotional freak out and projecting onto Bakugou because the baby’s first word was ‘papa’ but they weren’t looking at Natsuo when they said it. (yeah, one year old still counts as a toddler right? I dont think that's late for your first word?? Is it? I’ll look it up later)
He spends so much time over thinking it and thinking about how much he doesn’t hate it a single bit that he ends up fighting with Bakugou and basically firing him.
And the twins get really upset with him. Visibility upset. He thinks his daughter is fine, because she doesn’t complain or even say anything because #eldestdaughterthings but he hears her crying one night on the phone with Bakugou.
Now, everyone is sad and a bit stand-offish, the baby is crying more often, and he misses Bakugou and everyone else misses him too and it’s a mess.
… they get together when the other parent comes for their like,,, check in, pay confirmation, idk I’ll make up something, and then they ask Natsuo where his ‘little boyfriend is’. After Natsuo clarifies that they’re not dating, never were, and that Bakugou is not here they say something like ‘what a shame. love looked good on you.’ or something to that effect, I don’t know the words right now, just the vibe.
(I totally forgot about the girlfriend I mentioned earlier so yeah, this was where he finally saw that he needed to break up with her, she already saw it coming, pain, bless her heart)
Anyway. Natsuo going to find Bakugou and there is some cursing, some tears, well deserved use of the term ‘fucking idiot’, maybe a bit of time and space(?) and finally *plays It’s Quiet Uptown* ‘forgiveness. Can you imagine?’.
Welp, that's the main plot! Writing will definitely include more characters (Fuyumi, Shoto, my loves, I’m looking at you) and what not. I’ll get on it right after I finish the next few chapters of the BakuMomo friendship fic i have going on.
#I saw this entire thing in my head like a movie#i thought this was a lot while writing it but seeing it all in one place it's really not#or maybe it's because i started on mobile and finished on desktop wtv#I didn’t stop for a second to read anything so any errors are your problem not mine#shhh just enjoy the rare pair#minty hc#minty natsubaku hc#natsubaku#mha natsuo#mint fic#todoroki natsuo#bakugou katsuki#bakugou headcanons#Todoroki Natsuo headcanon#Natsuo headcanon#bnha#boku no hero academia#mha#my hero academia
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Me: *rereads my old Portal fics*
Me: “Y’know, some of these are still pretty good! Maybe I should replay the games, and give writing these another shot...”
My brain, always ready with AUs and my latest hyperfixation: TMA crossover with Jon as Caroline, but he doesn’t lose himself in the upload process.
Me: “I... I don’t know if that would work...”
My brain, refusing to be derailed: His robot name could be “Self-aware Intelligent Machine Simulation.” SIMS for short.
Me: “That’s not a great robot name.”
My brain: No worse than “Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System.”
Me: “.......Fair.”
My brain: Testing is like statements; he doesn’t want to like it, but it’s addictive and eventually he kinda needs it to stay sane. He regularly gets in trouble for trying to make the tests less dangerous for the test subjects, because like... draining the acid out of the acid pit ruins the integrity or something.
My brain: It actually makes no difference, but obviously Jonah is Cave in this crossover. He’s researching immortality, and this is just one of the ways he keeps Jon under control.
Me: “Elias was his first attempt?”
My brain: Yeah, but it was just a brain transplant. Now he’s worried about the integrity of his brain itself, I mean, physically it’s getting pretty old. And it’s not like aging is fun anyway.
Me: “So, I assume Martin’s Chell then.”
My brain: Obviously.
Me: “Obviously. Where does everyone else fit?”
My brain: Daisy and Basira are trying to get the whole company shut down for horrible human rights violations, but are struggling to find evidence. They go undercover as test subjects, only to realize they’re in too deep and have to fight for survival.
My brain: Melanie’s a reporter, supposedly doing a profile on Jonah, but secretly investigating all the disappearances that keep happening amongst the staff. Georgie brought her in on the case when Jon stopped answering all calls.
Me: “Tim and Sasha?”
My brain: Scientists, were on the same team as Jon. Might get kicked down to test subjects for asking too many questions about his “transfer to the AI department.”
Me: “Wait. All of this is pre-fall-of-Aperture. Doesn’t that take a lot of the punch out of making Jon our GLaDOS equivalent?”
My brain: ..............................
My brain: Mid-fall-of-Aperture. Terribly understaffed, running out of money, the “AI department” is literally just Jon on the paperwork, Jonah’s desperately pushing the testing/experiments to figure out the limits of brain-uploading before he loses access to the equipment.
Me: “I don’t think that scans.”
My brain: Sure it does! What’s the testing in the games even for anyways? It’s all cognitive, the portal gun itself only gets used in a handful of different ways.
My brain: Now the testing is specifically there to stress Jon out and test the stability of his personality matrix; no point in uploading yourself if the first major issue you run into corrupts your code or causes a major error. It puts Jon through the wringer, even zapping him with viruses and stuff, to ensure the process works, because Jonah doesn’t have the time or supplies for more than one test subject.
Me: “......huh.”
My brain, getting more excited: Merge the Eye-pocalypse and Prentiss attacks! Some sort of biological agent gets loose in the facility, and Jon hacks the security system to try and stop it. Any hermetically sealed area of the facility gets locked down, and he gasses the rest of the facility to keep the contaminants from spreading.
My brain: But they’re underground and the ventilation system isn’t the best maintained, so he can’t risk letting anyone out for fear they’ll get poisoned too. Just has to wait for the gas to rise up out of the facility on its own.
Me: “OH! So from the perspective of everyone in the testing tracks, this AI has just gone completely rogue and taken over the facility, killing a whole bunch of people and trapping them inside!”
Me: “I bet Jonah’s office is basically a fortress, and he still has security access to cameras and intercom, so he just eggs them on. Because this is an insurance nightmare, he wants to upload himself ASAP, so Jonah tells them there’s a manual override procedure for SIMS, but he can’t do it alone. They need to get through the testing, reach the central control chamber, and help him deactivate SIMS before they’ll be able to leave the facility. But actually, he’s planning to delete Jon entirely and replace him in the mainframe!”
My brain: Like the bastard he is.
Me: “So now, everyone’s in this weird limbo of trying to figure out what to do and who to trust. I mean, obviously in the AI apocalypse you want to trust your fellow humans, and SIMS did just gas the whole facility and trapped them in the testing tracks, but on the other hand ‘Elias’ is a shady bastard and SIMS isn’t always that bad?”
Me: “Like, sure, it can be pushy about testing and you can’t expect a robot to be good at emotions, but sometimes it’ll do something like ask for a verbal check-in because they’ve been down there a while and that can be psychologically hard on most humans? Someone complains about food, and SIMS sounds almost genuine when apologizing for not having anything else that can be safely transported to the testing tracks at this time. Once, Martin found a corner away from the cameras to take a nap in, and he’d swear SIMS was actually panicking over not being able to find Martin when he woke up.”
My brain: Tim and Sasha make snide, tired jokes about Jon giving the damn thing all his social awkwardness, as well as his name and voice (for some god-awful, unknowable reason.) They don’t want to let SIMS endear itself to them, knowing it probably killed Jon.
Me: “No, no, knowing that it killed Jon. They absolutely ask at some point if Jon’s okay and are told that amongst the however-many living staff members that are left, Jonathan Sims is not amongst them. What else are they to assume, other than that Jon’s been gassed by his own creation?”
My brain: Oooh...
Me: “Martin’s the only one who actually feels endeared to SIMS by the time they meet up, partially because he’s the only one who was trapped alone. Tim and Sasha were together, and already have reason to hold a grudge. Daisy, Basira, and Melanie met up early and spend a lot of free time fantasizing about smashing the damn computer when they find it.”
Me: “Martin was alone and he hates it, so he tries talking to SIMS, and is a little surprised when SIMS talks back. They’re not always pleasant conversations, SIMS can be curt and doesn’t have much personal info to share (being a computer and all,) but Martin does start to get a grasp on the situation as it must have at least appeared to SIMS when he pulled the lockdown-tigger. And for a supposedly evil computer, SIMS can be surprisingly helpful and seems almost as upset by the situation as the humans are.”
My brain: And there was that odd moment after Martin convinced SIMS to stop calling him “Mr. Blackwood,” and SIMS seemed almost flustered before very softly responding, “...Martin, then.”
Me: “Awww... please tell me Jon’s not actually dead, I need them to take him with them at the end...”
My brain: Suspended animation. The brain is still a vital part of the machine, but it never ages or degrades thanks to whatever combo of chemicals and cryosleep Jonah used to preserve him. Part of Jonah’s “manual override” involves adding a high-powered hard drive or four to replace the need for an organic brain, making full digitization possible.
Me: “But where’s he stored? He can’t just be strung up in the middle of the machine, that’d be unsustainable and Jonah would never let anyone within a hundred yards of it lest they realize the truth! A cryotank in a fake computer bank? A stasis tube hidden amongst the wiring, which they could discover while clambering about installing the hard drives?”
My brain: A cold room disguised as a locked closet or something, with the upload chair still inside of it? Only Jonah has the passcode, technically, and he was planning to go in while everyone else had their own tasks to do, just shove Jon’s body out and plug himself in, leaving Jon to finally die on the floor just a short distance from his friends while Jonah replaced him in the machine, removed the safeties, and escaped into the internet?
Me: “Oh, and Jon gave them a universal override or something to get them out of a dangerous situation towards the end! It actually leaves half the group feeling pretty low, having the thing they’re trying to destroy just hand them the key to its destruction out of pure, innocent trust.”
Me: “Then while Jonah’s distracted giving out instructions, Martin (useless with computers,) wanders over and opens the door, letting out a gust of cold air with a hiss. Martin coughs on the escaping gasses, and Jonah rushes to say that the cold room is very delicate, and ought not to be tampered with by people who don’t know what they’re doing—“
My brain: —but Martin blinks back the stinging, shock-induced tears, eyes adjusting to the dark of the closet and gasps.
Me: “And Martin’s only ever seen Jon in passing, really, they never properly worked together. But he was a little sweet on him even back then, and he’s heard the stories from Tim and Sasha, and he’s spent the last several weeks getting to know SIMS...”
My brain: ...He quickly calls Tim and Sasha over to confirm, just in case he’s got it wrong somehow. They’re just as shocked that Jon’s in there, with all his notes tucked away behind him revealing what really happened. Jonah tries to talk his way out of it, but is quickly arrested by Basira and Daisy.
Me: “Sasha finishes the notes first and makes her way back out. She’s shaking, overwhelmed with rage and grief and horror, and punches ‘Elias’ so hard he falls to the floor.”
My brain: Jonah starts to say something about assault, but Melanie congratulates Sasha for stopping him and Basira, completely deadpan, adds, “We all saw him make a break for it.”
Me: “Jonah shuts the fuck up.”
My brain: Part of SIMS’ programming was not being allowed to answer to “Jon” anymore. He never outright denies being Jon, just corrects people that he is the Self-aware Intelligent Machine Simulation. Tim finishes the notes, makes it to the cold room door, looks into the nearest camera and shakily asks, “Jon?”
Me: “For the first time, there’s a solid three beat pause before the intercom answers, softly and less robotically than before, ‘...Yes, Tim?’”
My brain: Tim starts crying.
Me: “Of course he does! He’s been grieving Jon for weeks at this point, trying not to let it show just how sad and angry he was that it all ended like this, and now it turns out that not only is Jon alive, he never actually left them at all! All those months thinking Jon ghosted them, left them behind in R&D for greener pastures, and Jon was all-but-dead in a cold room the whole time, and none of them ever knew! The relief, the joy, the guilt, the lingering bitter grief and rage, it’s overwhelming. Who wouldn’t cry?”
My brain: It takes them a few days to figure out the download procedure to return Jon to his body, especially since Jonah can’t be trusted on this front. Tim and Sasha are the techies, and they recruit Melanie and Basira for extra hands. (Martin’s still terrible with machines, and Daisy needs to watch Jonah to make sure he doesn’t escape.)
My brain: Martin, feeling useless, stays by Jon’s side in the cold room.
Me: “When Jon wakes up, Martin’s the first thing he sees.”
My brain: Martin sees him moving, meets his eyes, and gasps, “Jon?” Jon nods and tries to say something, but his throat is dry and his voice won’t work. Martin scrambles to get him a glass of water and steadies Jon’s hands as he drinks it. When he lowers the glass, Martin cautiously asks if Jon’s feeling better.
Me: “Jon just smiles and answers, ‘You said my name.��”
My brain: Martin’s confused. “What else would I call you?”
Me: “Jon shakes his head. ‘I just... don’t think I’ve heard you say it before. Certainly not to me. It’s... nice.’”
My brain: Martin laughs helplessly and says it again. “Jon.” Jon’s smile brightens, and Martin can’t help stepping closer, repeating Jon’s name again. Jon laughs along.
Me: “It’s on instinct that Martin takes the empty glass and sets it to the side, leans over the chair, touches Jon’s shoulder, cups his cheek. He hesitates when they’re nose to nose, breathing the same air, shockingly warm even when Jon’s skin is still cold to the touch. He meets Jon’s eyes and swallows. ‘Is this okay?’”
My brain: Close enough to feel the small, inaudible gasp before Jon whispers, “Please.”
Me: “They only get one short kiss in before the door opens and Tim makes a scandalized noise before loudly declaring this unfair and blatant favoritism. Martin all but jumps away, but Jon just rolls his eyes and thanks Tim for saving him. As the others pile in —Sasha claiming she did all the work, Basira needing to know if Jon’s up for making an official statement, Melanie both needing to pass on a message from Georgie and wanting an exclusive interview for her expose— Martin can already feel himself fading into the background, even as he and Tim help Jon to his feet.”
My brain: At least until Jon lingers, fingers lightly resting against Martin’s arm, and looks up at him with hope in his eyes. “Later?”
Me: “Martin’s not entirely sure what Jon’s asking (Jon isn’t really either,) but he agrees anyway. He doesn’t even hesitate.”
My brain:
Me:
My brain:
Me:
My brain:
Me: “.....WELL FUCK.”
My brain, smug despite it being 4:30am: Told you it was a good idea.
Me: “I hate you so much.”
#tma#the magnus archives#tma fanfic#portal#jonathan sims#jarchavist#jon sims#tma jon#tma fic#portal fic#portal fanfic#my life#mine#my writing#tma: all about jon#tma: martin#tma s1 crew#tma expanded social circle#tma: the asshole in charge
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M&M’s
Summary: Need a tutor? Well, you’ve come to the right school, we have just the one for you. And he’s attractive too.
Do or Not Series
Fluff
Word Count: 2,346
Hongseok X Reader
Of all my time at school, I never thought I would need tutoring. I was an A+ student when I started failing my classes. My grades were in the trash, and I had no idea how to improve or even raise them. How do you even study? Why is college structured like this? UGH! So now here I am sitting in the Dean’s office listening to them preach about how I need to learn from this person to pass. That they won’t hold it against me if I pass because of this tutor. All I have to do is pass the exams, and if I pass. I will move up to the Sophomore year. How am I supposed to pass a class that I’m not participating? And who is this person they are setting me up with? As if to answer my question, they say, “He should be here any moment.”
Like on queue, the door opens to reveal a rather attractive guy. They expect me to be able to study next to him? Oh god, I am so screwed, even worse than I was before. Okay, (Y/n), put your game face on and act like he does not affect you. “This is your tutor, Hongseok, and Hongseok this is (Y/n). I think you two will do well together.” We exchange a polite ‘hello’. Then the Dean tells him what the expectations are for the both of us. And I cannot help but feel my anxiety spike at each time he mentions ‘study’, ‘quiz’, and ‘pass’. What happened to cruising through school? Why is it no longer easy to pass? What did I miss when I was younger?
I was missing the old school structure. That I was memorizing what they said to forget it later. Because back then, as long as I knew the basics, I could pass. It wasn't like those classes were hard either. They repeated the same things over and over. So it was easy to remember, Hongseok had explained to me at our first meeting in the library. He wanted to know why I was failing and what made me remember best. I shrugged and said, 'probably repetition and listening' I wasn't sure, but that was the best guess I had. I never thought of ways to study because I never needed to beforehand. He grinned, “I know you wouldn’t believe it, but my first year here, I didn’t study. I didn’t know how or what worked for me or how I even learned. It took me to the last semester to realize what it was. Once it clicked, it was too late, and I barely passed my exams. To make up for me failing everything else, they asked me to tutor someone.” While I couldn’t believe my ears, something in my gut told me he wasn’t lying. Thus I decided that he was my best bet to make it into my sophomore year.
The following Wednesday, we are stuck inside the library again. When we get settled in our seats, he pulls out two packages of m&m’s. “What are those for?” I ask, and he shrugs and says, “You’ll see.” I pull out my books, a pencil, and a notebook. I’m worried he will look down on me for not having any past homework or past tests. But I threw them all out in exhaustion and frustration. I couldn’t deal with that massive amount of failure. But rather than saying anything, he pulls out some flashcards and a calculator. “Let’s start with math.”
Every time I got a question right, he gave me an m&m. My stomach growled at me every time I would get something wrong and lose out on an m&m. Not that I couldn’t reach in and get one, but the m&m's are rewards for whenever I get something right. Plus, he would give me his charming smile every time I got something correct, so I strived to get them correct.
It wasn’t until we finished math and science and we were walking out together. That I noticed, he was catering to the way I learned. Repeating steps with me or asking me the questions out loud and going through the steps with me. Whether it be an example or how to fix my mistakes, my heart skips a beat as he asks to walk me home.
"So, do you like university other than this?" I shrug, "It could be better, but generally I like it. Everyone I met is kind, like my roommates Changgu and Yanan. Like you're kind and sweet, I wanna thank you for helping me out." He grins, "You're helping me out too. I don't think either of us wishes to repeat Freshman year." I laugh and agree, "What about you? Do you like it here?" He shrugs, "It's okay. I don't have a roommate, but I have quite a few friends. So it helps, plus once you know how to study, it makes it so much easier." I laugh, "Yeah,... if I ever get to that point." When we reach my dormitory I tell him, "This is my stop." As I head inside, he yells, “I’ll see you this Sunday for History and [Subject].” I yell back my agreement and walk up the stairs to my room. I thought this would drag and not want to show up. But he makes me look forward to studying with him. Throwing my finished m&m bag away, I walk to my dorm with a proud smile on my face.
Like clockwork every Wednesday and Sunday, I spend the whole afternoon studying. And he would ask me to study for little quizzes that he would give me on Thursdays. They are over everything we have ever been over together. With each test I passed, my confidence grew, and so did my feelings.
Out of all the days that I spend with him, Thursdays have to be the hardest. With each test, I take the harder they become. I feel like my soul almost leaves my body every time he grades them. How his face turns up in cute ways, trying to figure out my process. Or when I get something right, he sends me a beautiful smile or his pout when I miss a question. His faces make my heart flutter while my stomach wants to throw up from fear of failure. Between the two, I can never seem to stomach Thursdays.
While I have learned my study pattern, I still have to pass this course with him or I fail. While I’m taking a quiz, three Thursdays before my exam, he tells me. “I can already tell you that you are going to succeed with flying colors. So if you fail this quiz, take it with a grain of salt. You have to fail sometimes to succeed.” The first page was easy I knew all the answers without a problem. I rushed through them, and the next page was a little harder. When I got to the eighth page, I was starting to question whether I was studying. What does the eighth number of pi have anything to do with this course? I wish to cry as I take my best guess, which is all I can do when I reach the tenth page. I sigh in relief, it’s the last page it can’t be that hard, can it? Oh, yes, yes it can. “If you take the 4th number of the last answer. [Which I am positive I did not get right, considering that I only gave a two-digit answer to the last question]. Exponentially expand it by twenty-two. What is the number you get?” And that is the first part of the ten parted question. My brain craves a nap and a family-size bag of m&m’s.
By the time I finish the last page, I am running on one brain cell. That is running around, throwing all the files in my brain into a shredder, and giving up. How did I not know a single answer after the third page? His face is in a pout after the second page, and my heart breaks. I don’t want him to disappoint him. I should study harder to make him proud of me. I groan internally, this is going worse than I expected. “Out of thirty questions, you got seven right!” He says in a cheery tone, and my heart falls out of my body, and my soul has ascended.
“Remember what I said when you started taking the test?” I rack my brain for answers and find nothing. I shake my head 'no', and he pouts, “Aw,... Well, I said take it with a grain of salt. Maybe some quizzes are made impossible.” My jaw drops, “You did that on purpose--!” He shrugs, “Did I?” He makes me rethink what I said, and I pout and cross my arms over my chest. He hands me a pack of m&m’s, “Maybe study harder.” He winks, and I push him to the side when we get up to leave the building. “You know you passed the hardest question on the quiz, right?” My eyes nearly pop out of my head, “What?” He grins, “None of your work made sense, but in the end, you answered four on the last question, and that was the right answer.” I smile, “Sometimes taking your best guess works. Also, four happens to be the professor's favorite number, so if you aren’t sure, guess that.” My jaw drops open again as he ruffles my hair, “You did pretty well, (Y/n).” I brighten at his words and hug him. “I promise to study hard! Two more quizzes before the final test!” He laughs and hugs me back telling me, “You got this!”
--
It wasn’t until the last study session that I realized how much I would miss Hongseok’s presence. It hit me like a ton of bricks, and when I got to my room, I was bawling. I wanted to see him more. I wanted to be around him and get to know him more. It took me a few moments, but I realized I fell for my tutor. How could I not? When I had a tutor like Hongseok,... Based on all calculations, I have a crush on him. I wonder if he likes me back, but there is only one way to know. Do I have enough courage for that? I’m not sure. I sigh and wipe my tears, saving them for a less important day. I need to study and pass these four exams.
--
I spend hours studying for tomorrow, although I know my study method. It did not make studying any less boring. I missed Hongseok, who would crack a joke or grab us a snack. He made this so much easier studying five hours with him felt like two. Ugh, now five hours of studying feels like fifteen. At the sixth hour, I call it a day and pull the covers over my head, and dream of failing the exams.
When my alarm clock finally rings, I’m happy to be up and away from those horrid dreams. With a brave face, I get ready for my exam day. I check my phone and see it’s Hongseok. He texted me, “Good luck on your exams! Fighting! You got this!” I smile and text him back, ‘thank you'. I got this, I keep reiterating to myself, but I can’t help but hear the doubtful voice in the back of my head. I am taking all my exams in one instance. So that means five hours of taking four different tests. While I know all the study sessions were preparing me for this moment, I want it to be over and done with already.
--
Of course, none of the tests were easy they each pulled at my wit's end. I sit there for another thirty minutes waiting for them to grade my tests. Preparing myself for the worst news, I think about Hongseok’s encouragement. If he thinks I’ll pass, maybe he’s right. If it wasn’t just my grades on the line, I wouldn’t care as much. But when it comes to Hongseok, my heart is grasping at the hope that I made it above passing.
The professor looks up at me as I turn a page in my book. I set it down with a bookmark. They smile at me, “Your lowest is an 87,” I gulp, no way, “Your highest is a 99.” My brain is no longer processing words as I rush out of my seat to see my results. “Congratulations, (Y/n). You passed with flying colors.” I smile and shake their hand, thanking them, and skip out of the building. I passed. I really passed! Is this real? I'm not dreaming again, right? I pinch myself and let out a small ‘ouch’ definitely real. I skip out of the building and see someone wearing a blue sweatshirt sitting on the fountain. As I come up closer, I recognize them as Hongseok. I run up to him and hug him. He whispers, “Did you pass?” And I shake my head 'yes'. He runs his hands through my hair, “I knew you would! I’m so proud of you.” Hearing him say that my heart pounds, “Um, Hongseok,...” I pull away from him a bit, my arms still wrapped around him. He nods for me to continue, “Would you maybe,... possibly want to go on a date with me?” He smiles, “I was gonna ask you that!” We both laugh as he hands me a family-size pack of m&m's for us to share. We head over to my dorm, and that is the start of our new beginning.
While we still study together, you can find us lying on the floor while watching the tv and throwing m&m's at each other. Making different kinds of foods together, making an even bigger mess in the kitchen. So yeah, if given the opportunity, I would fail my classes all over again. If it meant I got to meet Hongseok.
#hongseok#pentagon hongseok#hongseok x reader#pentagon x reader#pentagon#pentagon kpop#kpop x reader#hongseok fic#hongseok fluff#hongseok x you#hongseok x y/n#pentagon x you#pentagon x y/n#kpop x you#kpop fic#pentagon fic#hongseok kpop#fluff#m&m's#hongseok pentagon x reader#x reader#x you#kpop#do or not series#do or not#pentagon fluff#kpop fluff#pentagon kpop fluff#hongseok pentagon fluff#hongseok kpop fluff
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three infinites and a reunion - sirius black x reader (gn)
pairing: sirius black x gn reader
wc: 1.2k
genre: ooh boy some hurt/comfort, moderate angst but it’s justified and quickly resolved, some trauma but what’s to be expected lol
warnings: spoilers for prisoner of azkaban sort of but most of it’s kind of common knowledge at this point, some fucks and other brief swears, post azkaban but the timeline is weird don’t come for me, reader is shaking cause of emotionally intense situation, mentions of bad mental health bc you know... dementors.... and uh, brief mentions of small stress induced weight loss (some promenent bones), sirius is king of consent, “you must be starving” then y’all eat some food, you get really fuckin determined to protect him who wouldn’t
summary: Holding out faith sometimes works out for the best, especially when the condemned love of your life is suddenly right in front of you, embracing you on the floor of your laundry room.
requested: no i just have dogman brain rot
song I listened to while writing this: snow - ricky montgomery, the shipped gold standard - fall out boy, golden days - panic at the disco (bc it makes me think of marauders era in general lol)
a/n: as I have stated before I don’t know how numbers work or how to do basic math so I fucked with the timeline a little which should boil down to this: sirius was in az*aban for two years before he escaped making him around 23, while harry is maybe 3 or 4, don’t come for me if it’s off lmao
also this is what I imagine sirius to look like but like,, with the expressions and mannerisms in the viria fanart
I have at least two more parts planned out roughly so those should come at some point uwu
requests are open, here’s my kofi xo
Shaking. You’re fucking shaking, tremors wracking uncontrolably through your body as you stare through blurry, tear filled eyes already spilling, at the big black dog in front of you. You look up at your porch light almost instantly, squeezing your eyes shut. You can’t tell which is louder, the layered incomprehensible thoughts fighting and screaming every instinct, or your pulse hammering in your ears. This is almost too much to bear as it is, but right now what you need are some fucking answers. This is confirmed as steel yourself, looking back down at the dog before you can even finish the thought.
You read somewhere that the more you think of a memory, the faster it fades. After almost two years of thinking of him, of those eyes that held such love and loyalty and courage, you were sure your memories of him must be worn out to near transparency. And yet you stand corrected right there on your porch after one year, eleven months, and two and a half weeks of repetitive, maddening remembering, looking into those eyes and knowing as clearly as you did all that time ago that this isn’t just a black dog.
You don’t even have to say anything, the message clear in those all too intelligent eyes being proof enough. Practicality snaps into place, and you hurriedly usher him inside, not knowing which felt longer - almost two years of painfully tested loyalty, or those fifteen seconds out on your porch. You secure the locks, pushing the foyer table against the door, and lead him into the laundry room and away from any windows or fireplaces. You press your back against the closed door, sliding down, trying to catch your breath, the dog sitting patiently across from you.
You press the heels of your hands to your eyes, letting out a sharp breath, almost laugh, of relief. You take a few deep breaths, trying to center yourself before you work up the courage to look up. When you do, he’s sitting right there. He looks virtually identical to the last time you saw him, your memories once again stronger than the time trying to erode them. Those same eyes are latched onto yours, disbelieving and searching yours for any traces of hate or bitter judgement.
He concludes there really is none when you throw yourself into his arms, holding him so tight. He chokes back a sob as he buries his face in your neck, arms wrapping around your back, hands clutching your shirt. You fight tears of pure relief, pursing your lips and letting out a few concentrated breaths.
“Sirius,” you manage after yet another infinity, still shaking in his arms. His tears finally spill at the raw love in your voice, beginning the painful filling of the hole the dementors had been steadily carving for years. You feel the cool, wet droplets hit your shoulder, and you squeeze him even tighter.
“I swear, I would never-”
“I know,” you cut him off, his voice tight, riddled with pain and the fear of being unjustly rejected and shunned again. One hand runs over his back in soothing, repetitive shapes, the other smoothing the back of his hair, “I’ve always known.” You repeat, your voice fierce with certainty, free of any trace of doubt. Your warmth almost burns him after all that time in the bitter cold, and he curls tighter into you, almost unable to breathe.
After a while, you’re not sure how long, you finally pull away to look at him properly. It’s surreal, one moment he looks exactly like how you last saw him, the next he’s almost unrecognizable. His face is slightly more angular than you remember, the rosy glow to his cheeks all but gone, and you’re sure he’s lost some weight. His collarbones and spine are more discernible under your touch than they had been. At only 23, he holds a battered, beaten sorrow beyond his years, but a light lives in his eyes that will never go out. Who could blame him? You’re sure he’s in much better shape than anyone else in that hell hole.
His hand caresses your cheek, memorizing every eyelash and freckle.
“I missed you,” he brings his forehead to yours, “so much.” You feel the pain and emotion in his voice, and you remind yourself that it’s all over now. You’re not going to let him go back there. Ever. Your hand runs through his hair, and you bring your lips closer to his.
“I missed you too,” your warm breath fans over his face, and his breath hitches, “so, so much.” Your words echo his, and his heart lurches, feeling like it’s beating again for the first time in far too long. You hover there for a second, and you feel his hesitance. With everything that happened, all the slander and lies, he doesn’t know how you feel. The last thing he would ever do is try to initiate unless he knows you want to as much as he does. His unbroken, unwavering respect makes you smile - he’s still as much of a gentleman as ever.
You close the space between with no hesitation, and your lips meet. The corners of both your eyes are misty with relief and passion and everything left unsaid as he pulls you into his lap, as invested in you as ever. You kiss feverishly, his lips slightly chapped but still soft. You angle your head deepening the kiss, and his hands squeeze your waist. When you finally pull away to catch your breath, you pepper a few kisses across his face, trailing down to his neck before resting your head on his shoulder.
“Does anyone know you’re here?” you ask quietly, already dreading an answer.
“Not yet, I don’t think,” he answers, kissing the top of your head, “just got out.”
You pull your head up, staring at him in disbelief, a smile tugging at the corners of your mouth.
“You’re the first person I’ve come to see,” he continues, loving the look on your face, “though the whole world will probably hear in the papers tomorrow-”
“Oh my god,” you mutter, gently batting his chest, pulling him close to you again, pressing more kisses to the side of his face.
“Well, who did you think I’d see, the Queen?” You laugh into his neck, and the sound sends warmth through his whole body, like someone finally turned on the sun. His chest aches, this time from being so full after so long, and his arms tighten around you again. You pull away suddenly, a few moments later.
“God, you must be starving. Do you want anything to eat?”
“Well…” he muses, and you know that look.
“Come on Puppy,” you say, finally getting to your feet, and helping him up with you.
Sitting at your kitchen table across from him, the love of your life, finishing leftovers and debating on certain wizard vs. muggle foods was something you truly, to your core, never knew if you’d be able to do. In a moment of warm, insurmountable determination, you know that you will let absolutely no harm come to this man. Your mind is made up, resolutely as you pour tea, plans already forming. He fought for himself and for you for so long, now it’s your turn.
And this is not a fight you’re capable of losing.
#sirius x y/n#sirius x reader#sirius black#harry potter x reader#marauders fic#marauders x you#marauders x reader#harry potter#marauders#marauders era
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Black King, White Knight (New Fic Universe)
I have a new ship and it’s all @useless-empty-brain‘s fault! This started out as an Iorveth/Roche fic, but now it’s turned into an Isengrim series featuring Isengrim/Eldain.
Warnings: The first fic has some really, really dubious consent stuff going on. If that bothers you, please don’t continue, ‘cause it’s... pretty sketch. In a porny and feelingsy way.
First fic: title is gonna be something about tarnished iron, i think
Okay, so I thought this was just going to be the one fic, but apparently not. So the first fic’s focus is on Iorveth/Roche, buuuut Isengrim shows up and actually rescues them from a swarm of drowners. But then Isengrim turns to Roche and Iorveth, thinking fast, claims Roche as his prisoner - which Isengrim interprets as “pet”, because otherwise, why hasn’t he been killed or sold yet? Then Isengrim offers to help train Iorveth’s pet.
They go to an abandoned cabin (where rorveth were actually headed to maybe bone for the first time), but it’s all turned sideways. Especially when Isengrim pulls up a chair and asks Iorveth to fuck his pet in front of him so that Isengrim could help with any needed disciplining. (Remember the dubcon part? yeah, that’s this part)
After Roches comes untouched, crying on Iorveth’s cock, Isengrim goes out to get firewood or something and when he returns, he overhears Iorveth sounding wretched as he apologizes to Roche. Then the worst part: Iorveth says he’s scared of Isengrim and that’s why he couldn’t stand up and object.
Understandably, Isengrim is heartbroken. He’d come by wanting to see his old friend (and old lover) and even with the best of intentions, he still managed to hurt Iorveth. What kind of monster is so scary that they maim without meaning to?
He apologizes to Iorveth, for what it’s worth, and leaves them to their own devices. Except that leaves us with an Isengrim who is firmly castigating himself and knows that if even Iorveth, his former friend and lover (and previous 2nd in command, I think) fears him, then he must truly be unloveable.
Second fic: title is something about the shine of bright iron through layers of tarnish
While Isengrim is depressed, there’s still a war going on and the Scoia’tael are still fighting. And some of them are fighting a little too brutally for the others tastes, so they send Isengrim, as a Scoia’tael veteran and revered leader, to talk some sense into the crazy fucker in Moulderwood aka Eldain, the one time merchant and musician, now a hardened Scoia’tael commander.
Not sure what exactly their meeting is like, but as time goes on, Isengrim finds himself impressed with this dude who may actually be crueler than he is, but for practical reasons that Isengrim can understand and endorse. Additionally, Eldain isn’t the slightest bit scared of him, instead teasing him in front of the men and poking fun at him and looking entirely delighted when Isengrim pokes fun back (but like, in a refined way).
Somehow this leads to them getting together or maybe just the hint of it? Idk we could do full porn and accidental feelings now, OR we could wait until after the pain to actually get together.
Third fic: okay idk what the title for this one should be. Something about the way polished metal is stronger or shines brighter or something
I mentioned the pain, yeah? Yeah, this is the pain. THRONEBREAKER SPOILERS AHEAD!!!
Right so, I have not actually finished Thronebreaker but what happens (AGAIN, HUGE SPOILER WARNING) is that Meve can either respect Eldain’s wishes and show him mercy and bury him after his death. Or she can be just as merciless as he was and leave his body to be fed upon by vultures and shit.
Now of course, we can’t just have it end that way, not in this house. So OBVIOUSLY everyone lives. But first everyone needs to find out that everyone is, indeed, alive.
By which I mean - actually, huh, maybe this part should be Eldain’s POV? could be interesting. But anyway, Isengrim spirals ‘cause like, the one dude that never feared him is now rumored to be dead and Isengrim can’t admit that his heart hurts, but his chest aches and he just - he finds that he needs to see the body. He needs to KNOW that Eldain is actually gone.
Except there is no body. Idk exactly how Isengrim finds Eldain, but Eldain is in pretty bad shape. Fortunately, Isengrim expected that and packed appropriate medical supplies.
This all leads to them shacking up somewhere as Isengrim learns that his bloody hands can also be used to heal and Eldain gets to recover from losing his whole command with someone who understands and through it all, Eldain’s physical body heals. This, of course, leads to getting together PROPER LIKE now, with actual communication and shit.
Fourth fic: oh man, idk. Something about striking tempered steel or some shit, idk
This fic is the comic relief fic lol. Basically, I have a great need for the awkward as fuck reunion of Iorveth and Roche with Isengrim - who now has Eldain along for the ride as well. And Eldain does NOT like Roche, and Roche does NOT like Isengrim and Iorveth and Isengrim are still pretty awkward and Iorveth and Eldain are in that weird space of ‘you’re his former lover and I’m his current one’ and idk, maybe work out some tension through a music off, because why not?
Fifth fic: okay, actually, this one might be a standalone, not sure. idk on the title, but it would be a pwp
So Roche has been the only commander in the north to really prove to be a thorn in the Scoia’tael’s side. So when the Scoia’tael manage to capture Vernon Roche? Well, a little payback is only fair, right?
Cue cnc gangbang?
Yeah, idk anything else about this one, it’s just porn.
So yeah, that’s my new fic universe. If I’m lucky, I’ll actually finish the first part sometime this century 😔
But, in the meantime, if you haven’t considered Isengrim/Eldain before, you absolutely have to go check out @useless-empty-brain’s fics:
Five Cheesy Pick Up Lines That Didn’t Work (And One That Did)
Summary: For a Reason of State, Eldain finds himself following Iorveth to an old Blue Stripes safe house in Farcorners to assist in a plot to assassinate the King of Redania. He expected to actually work on the said assassination plot, not watch Iorveth and Roche flirt terribly with each other.
What's a poor elf to do in that situation but drink with the only other sane person in the house. And if that person is Isengrim Faoiltiarna so what? So what if the Iron Wolf is also terrible at flirting? So what if his cheesy pickup lines are sweeter than they are cheesy? So. What?
Not To Control The Wind
Summary: When he received the missive from Dol Blathanna, Isengrim wasn't sure what to expect, but watching the small council dissolve into snarled threats wasn’t what he would have guessed would happen.
When it becomes obvious that they'll all grow old and die before anything can be agreed upon, Isengrim takes it upon himself to offer a 'helping hand' in controlling Eldain's mouth. It escalates from there.
Lay Me Down on a Bed of Roses
Summary: "You made flowers bloom in my lungs and although they are beautiful, I can't breathe." - Anonymous
#rorveth#isendain#iorveth x roche#isengrim x iorveth#isengrim x eldain#the witcher#dubcon#thronebreaker#fic planning#fic rec#fic recs#fuck i've used both as a tag#that's gonna be a problem at some point
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Observations when I study multiple languages at the same time:
Hello so good morning all. 早上好大家，我就着急啊哈哈....
I awoke today and my brain SPUN because I can read some Chinese, but I forgot how to say I woke up and got out of bed in chinese. I also just?? I suppose my brain worried and was like? “Do you even remember how to read french? do you even know any Chinese? Or is the new Japanese just overwriting old stuff?!”
I rationally know japanese probably won’t overwrite the rest because like - the first 5 months I studied chinese it just blocked out my French active recall unless I purposely used French a bit. But I didn’t lose any French as far as reading ability, and I got my French active recall back once I used French for a few hours/days. So it would be quite normal if my Japanese is recalled easier than my chinese for a few months. But my brain is like “we worked So hard to get to read what we Can read and say what we Can say we will be SAD if we lose it!!”
反正早上好我床上来了。我已经醒了。我不忘记很多的词。我着急为了没有的意思。我就找到一个翻译词典为了检查对的词。我猜不错。幸好！还我就可以阅读在法语，很好啊。今天我早阅读法语书一下，很容易。我没事。
My chinese may be a mess grammatically I know.
Anyway. I am. Thrilled I didn’t forget that many actual words. Universe help me if Japanese grammar starts fucking up my Chinese grammar tho. I mean I hope not because French never got fucked up; but to be fair to French I DID forget a ton of the conjugations when actually speaking/listening ToT I can barely recall French conjugations anymore unless I actively look at some textbooks or Le Français Par Le Method Nature to refresh myself. Likewise, I studied Japanese probably over 1.5 years ago now and since then, I’ve forgotten nearly all the verb conjugation endings I used to know with the exception of: ます、ません、じゃない、です／だ、じゃありません、ありまう、います、i know te form exists still though I completely forget what it’s for? Giving orders/suggestions? I forgot how adjectives conjugate but I remember they do? And I certainly forgot how words change when connected to their verb endings - I think there’s i and ru verbs? And they conjugate slightly different? And maybe nakatta is past tense negative, and katta is past tense positive (though I can’t remember if it’s katta or something else tta)?
Basically I forgot a HUGE portion of Japanese grammar. I also forgot Word order, I nearly forgot particles (I still have vague recognition of は、が、を、に、の、か). And I remember でも means but because it’s one of the few words I hear constantly and still catch. Also daijoubu (I may be spelling it wrong) for ok (I remember hearing it in YouTube and shows way more than any learning material I had, and I remember I’ve heard a similar word in thai dramas). 大丈夫／だいじょうぶ - using imiwa dictionary app I’m fairly sure that’s the word I’m remembering. Anyway I forgot... so much of my Japanese it’s like I just am relearning from almost scratch but with a vague impression it’s all familiar. I relearned these words/phrases lately which all sound extremely familiar now that I’ve heard them again: そうです、ここ、そこ、あそこ、駅／えき、子園／こえん, お電気／おでんき、今／いま、今日/きょう、あおい／青い、人/じん、話します／はなします、分かります/わかります、どこ、じゃまた.
Among the good things, I do remember most kana upon seeing them again, I think it’s just a few katakana i don’t remember unless I’m reading katakana then I recognize the word and remember the sound - like my name ミジョ/みじょ MeJo “mi-jo.” I always forget specifically ミ、シ、lol. I also forgot the way to extend vowels in katakana versus hiragana until I saw it again. And I still don’t quite remember why cake isカアク, but something else might be ice cream with a - like アーカイブ?
Anyway. Like I mentioned, this morning I read some French to assuage my fear and remind myself i can Actually still read French. I have not actually forgotten, even though my active recall is shot to hell unless I practice. And I did read, and aside from a few words I distinctly remember always confusing me and never looking up, I read fine. I’m fairly sure I read that novel easier than I’d ever read it before, even, catching more details this time than any time previously. So clearly my French reading skills are still fine, have been maintained, and if anything then over the years they’ve still marginally improved a bit.
I suppose my biggest concern with chinese is just... that I want to absolutely ensure my reading skill hits that vague “specific tipping point” that my French reading skill did. The point at which, once reached, your reading skill does not slip below “capable of grasping the overall gist of main ideas” and if you read every few days or weeks then also may continue improve over time. I remember in French, BEFORE I hit that “specific tipping point,” if I stopped reading for a while, then when I came back to reading things were harder to comprehend again and it took a bit of extra work to re-establish the foundations. But after a certain tipping point was reached, even if I didn’t read French for a few weeks or months, when I came back I had a basis of understanding that never fell below “at least able to follow gist of main idea” and often picked up any forgotten words within a few hours, then picked up new words to learn. And so I could continue “picking up where I left off” with learning instead of fighting with my reading skills sliding backwards. They no longer slid backwards, they only got “rusty” and then once polished up in a few hours, would resume improving. It’s the stage I want my chinese reading to reach, because once it reaches that point I will no longer worry I’ll forget the foundational skills - it’s decently doable to re-familiarize yourself with specialized words as needed (we even do it in English if say we read a psychology book for a class 4 years ago then pickup a new psychology class, etc). But it’s difficult to build the original foundation skills everything leans on. In Japanese, I never finished building it - I think I was finally starting to at 2.5 years in, then I gave up. As a result, I lost a significant portion of that foundation I had not finished building. At first I retained some of it, but from years of no review AND no continuing to finish building it, that foundation crumbled. So now I remember pieces of Japanese, but not enough to rely on. Whereas my French had enough time devoted to finishing the foundation, that now even if I take a few months or a year away from it, if I go back to speaking/reading/listening to French then the foundation is remembered quickly and I can start learning mostly where I left off and just jump to improving again (instead of needing months to relearn). While I can relearn/strengthen the basic things in French, I can also jump into books or listening or convos and know enough to just learn from doing, and still remember enough that I’m Capable of interacting with those things and comprehending enough To do them.
I think of it like drawing - idk when it happens with a skill like drawing, I drew since I was able to hold things so I don’t know. But basically whether you draw everyday, or stop for a few months or a year then return to drawing, within a few hours of drawing again all your previous skill comes back to you. If you forgot something you’d learned, usually a few minutes or hours re-learning is enough to drag your skills up to where they were before. So you can quickly return to your former skill level last time you drew, and quickly start improving further. So each time you draw, you’ve retained your skill from before (mostly) and improve your skill, then that skill improvement carries over to the next time you draw. It’s great. In some ways, my French skill is like that - I quickly can get to the comprehension level I was at last time I engaged with French, can improve from there, and then the next time I engage with French I can pick up from the level to which I’d improved to. I may forget some specifics I didn’t use much or learn as well - specialized words, or ways to express myself I rarely use (so rarely reinforce), but if I re-study them it takes a few hours to get those back (instead of the months it took to learn the first time). I am so grateful my French is past that “specific tipping point” because it makes French way easier to retain a useful level in, and easier to pick it back up when i have time and improve it as needed in the areas needed and retain the improvements I make for the most part. In Japanese, I never reached that “specific tipping point” of having established enough of a foundation. So I lost a lot of what I knew.
With Chinese, I really want to ensure I’ve reached past that “specific tipping point” of enough of a foundation, before I give it less dedicated time. I don’t want to lose the chinese I’ve learned, since it’s a significant amount. And... even more than that, my chinese speaking and listening ability is in many ways BETTER than my French, because I worked on it, and I don’t want to lose those abilities either to the degree I’ve developed them. In French, i know I have very low levels of speaking/listening in comparison to my reading and they lag behind as a result - even once they reached the “specific tipping point” a year later than reading in French, they still lag a ton behind my reading (think A1-2 French speaking/listening skills, versus French B1-B2 reading skills). Meanwhile, I’ve been trying to make it so my listening/speaking skills only lag behind my chinese reading skills a little bit. And I’d like all of those skills to reach the “specific tipping point” where I am able to retain the majority of those skill levels, before I work on chinese less frequently.
I know myself. With Japanese, at 2.5 years in I was Just starting to hit the beginning of making that foundation I could retain later - I was just starting to read and comprehend the gist of the main plots in manga, to watch YouTube or play games and grasp the bare gist of what the main ideas was. In French, those skills started at about 5 months in, and I don’t think they hit “specific tipping point” of me being able to rely on keeping those skills perpetually, until 1.5 years in. With Japanese, as I said, i hit the beginning of building them around 2.5 years in, and just never solidified them enough to hit the “specific tipping point” unfortunately. With Chinese, at least in reading (since I’m only discussing reading skill in all 3 languages), I probably hit the beginning of building these skills at month 10-11. That was when I could start reading manhua without a dictionary, novels without a dictionary (and grasp the main ideas gist at minimum), and watch shows and do the same. Which again, is higher than Japanese even was at its beginning-foundation, as I couldn’t even Read novels or listen to Japanese audio on its own and follow the main idea. So I suppose, to compare the absolute beginnings of each foundation being built: in French it was month 3 (when I could start brute forcing through news/Wikipedia and comprehend some gist of main ideas), Japanese year 2.3ish (when I started brute forcing through manga and comprehending very roughly some main ideas), month 6-8 in chinese (when I started brute forcing shows and novels and comprehended honestly more than I can believe I managed to in retrospect, considering how much easier those still-challenging tasks feel now). Anyway... Chinese has seemed to take 2x as much time to improve compared to my French. I do suspect chinese normally takes native English speakers roughly the FSI recommended 4x as much time. I suspect my French learning plan was just not very optimal for my learning style, so it wasn’t as efficient. Likewise... I suspect Japanese should normally take roughly 4x to 5x longer to improve then French. I suspect mine took SO long last time particularly, because I did not even have a good study plan for myself until year 2 of Japanese study.
So... based on all that. I imagine my chinese will be very firmly where i want it’s minimum skill to reliably maintain the foundation of what I know, to be at.. year 2-3. Year 2, if I keep improving as well as I’ve been doing (and assuming if my French had been more consistent it would’ve been at the “specific tipping point” by year 1). And year 3 if I don’t always study as much, or it simply takes longer (so twice the 1.5 years French took). Which honestly... 3 years is still intensely fast as I see it. And, if I’m improving the way I think I have been, I can’t even imagine how ill be in year 3. Anyway... based on all of that... I think it would be a bad idea to pick up Japanese heavily until my chinese is past at least year 2. With my 1 year+ of French, at that point I was also studying Japanese, and they seemed to work fine as I studied both - the only thing was it slowed down my French progress. So I do think waiting to do anything heavy with japanese, until my chinese is a good play I’m ok to let it simply maintain for the most part, is probably a safer plan.
—-
Realistically... no reason I can’t lightly re-study Japanese though and Just like rebuild the beginnings of the foundation I had though, it was probably N4 starting into N3 when I gave up. So I could probably re-learn some old stuff without taking too much time from chinese. And then if my chinese is year 2 by then, that sure would be convenient. Lol this is all... me contemplating. When we all know the truth is, I’m going to do whatever I want to do in the moment, and see what happens o3o
I am gonna tentatively say though, I think as long as I don’t abandon Chinese for any length of time until at least 2-3 years in, it should probably be maintained at least though at where it’s at/gradually improve. I didn’t lose any French during the times I kept using it, even when studying Japanese and russian, the “specific tipping point” didn’t really matter until I stopped using French for months at a time. I am sure I will notice if another language study is slowing down my chinese study though, in which case I’ll pause the other language if I have a Chinese goal that needs more time for attention.
At the moment, my Chinese goals are going about as expected. I wish I could carve some more time for them, but I’m giving them as much time as they were getting throughout the fall - so it’s not like they’re getting any less time than usual. (I am just inpatient, and wish I was the kind of person with the time and focus to give them 4-6 hours a day lol).
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Percy Jackson & The Avengers: Convergence - basically just percy bloodbending
I'm back but not really cuz I haven't even started chapter 14, so just be prepared for another long time between chapters. I might get a fire started under my ass, but if not, yeah. I hope this holds you over.
I really shouldn't have to do this again, but I guess some people are just blind idiots. I'm going to put this in the simplest terms possible: If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. It's grade school 101 guys. The more of these mean attacks I receive, the less I want to write, so just shut up and leave if you don't like my writing. You aren't being forced to read it. Thank you.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own PJO or the Avengers!
Ω ♆ Ω
In hindsight, Percy might've overreacted a tiny bit. Just a small amount, though! What he did was perfectly reasonable, if just a little on the cuckoo side.
Now, most would probably be wondering what the Hades Percy was talking about. Well, it all started with Percy's vision tunneling in on the image of Annabeth with a gun to her temple. That image alone was reason enough.
Percy's entire life had been morally grey, so what was another thing added to his conscience?
Ω ♆ Ω
Despite her past experiences, Annabeth was actually quite scared. Terrified, even. She had a gun pressed up against her head, of course she was terrified! But she couldn't let it show. That would be giving the leader what he wanted, and she was not willing to give him the satisfaction of accomplishing his goal. So, she stood stubbornly stoic, even as her mind was struggling to find a way out of this predicament she had found herself in.
Sure, Annabeth could probably get out of the chokehold he had her in, but then what? Maybe she'd be able to fight the gun out of his hand, but then he'd still have the other gun she felt strapped to his ankle. It was a no-win situation.
Her only viable chance was to wait it out and hope for the perfect moment to get away and regroup. That moment didn't seem to be coming soon, though. All the two had done so far was watch the rest of the Seven and the Avengers fight monsters and mortals alike. The leader hadn't done a single thing to help. It was like he expected them to lose. After learning how cunning and sick the man was, Annabeth wouldn't be surprised if he did.
That was all her mind was able to figure out while they had been watching the fights unfold. She felt a proud sort of squeeze in her heart at how hard her friends were fighting to get her.
And Percy...Percy was so determined. He had been forcing himself through the throngs of monsters and humans to get to her, and he was making great progress. Unfortunately, she wasn't the only one to have noticed. The leader had tightened his hold on her when he saw that Percy was only ten feet away now. The Avengers and demigods were just finishing up their fights, as well. The timing was too perfect.
Annabeth felt her stomach drop, a warning that something horrible was about to happen, and she was powerless to stop it.
"Not a step closer! Or I'll shoot her right now!" The leader growled, shoving the gun roughly into her skull.
Percy stopped in his tracks, a dark glare overtaking his features.
"Let her go. Now, and I might let you walk away from this," he said.
His blood was boiling. There was no way he was letting anything happen to Annabeth. He would do anything, including killing that man. He could focus on what that admission meant to himself later, when he wasn't in a life-or-death situation. But for now, he was just letting the rage fuel him.
Percy could feel the storm buzzing under his skin, awaiting permission to wreak havoc. He couldn't do that again, though. He had to find another way. He would not get as lucky as he had in Vegas again.
"I'll say it again, let. Annabeth. Go. Now!" His eyes glowed a dark, poisonous green.
The scene was terribly familiar to Annabeth. Her eyes widened in fear of what was to come.
Percy's senses had found something else in the room. He wasn't sure what it was at first, but with a jolt, he realised what it was: Blood. He could feel everyone's blood pumping through their veins. It was overwhelming how ready it seemed to be for his manipulation. He supposed it was yet another hidden aspect of his powers. Blood manipulation; that wasn't horrifying at all. It was just above toxikinesis on his horrifying abilities list. It could be useful, though. Instead of releasing the storm on the leader, he could manipulate his limbs through his blood.
All of these thoughts ran through his brain in a matter of seconds. He came to his decision on what he was willing to do even faster.
"I won't ask again," he said, a final warning note in his tone.
The leader grinned maniacally at the teen, "I'm not afraid of you. You don't kill humans, you just let us be collateral damage in your battles against the monsters. Killing me would go against everything you're taught!"
Percy's glare hardened even moreso, "You're right. It would go against some things I've been taught. But not killing you would go against my very nature. And that is much harder to defy..."
The leader's eyes widened in fear, and his finger squeezed the trigger.
Time slowed down. Annabeth heard a small click in her ear.
Percy's hand flung out towards her with a shout, "Annabeth!"
Bones crunched.Blood flew out. A body fell to the ground in a heap.
It wasn't Annabeth.
Ω ♆ Ω
Yes, I am aware of how short this was. No, I am not willing to answer why.
I am still looking for a new beta reader, so if you know anybody or are interested, just contact me soon please! This was the last chapter edited by the amazing JJ (nightskywithrainbows on ao3).
Don't forget to like, comment, and follow me!
other chapters :)
#pjo#percy jackon and the olympians#heroes of olympus#avengers#mcu#superheroes#fanfic#ff#ao3#wattpad#webnovel#inkitt#I need a new beta reader#writer's block#pjo fanfic#avengers fanfic
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Raphael and that thing with the emotion things
At risk of accidentally completing prompts early, there’s still a moment I want to look at regarding 2003 Raphael in the episode “Tales of Leo.” The moment where he goes from this:
To this:
In a span of about 2 seconds or so.
As a kid, I didn’t understand why he lashed out, but as an older teenager moving into adulthood, I wonder if this was Raph lashing out because he was afraid. I’ve mentioned in some of my other posts that I think he has a hard time verbalizing what he’s feeling at a given moment, and may also struggle with identifying it at times. This isn’t me saying that it’s okay to say what he did, just me trying to make sense of it.
But I think this is one of those moments. He’s afraid that Leo won’t wake up, and probably feeling a bit of responsibility for it because this is 2003 Raph, and 2003 Raph at this point seems to see himself as someone who doesn’t really have a “function” outside of beating the bad guys off his brothers, and since he wasn’t able to do that before Leo was beaten to the point that he doesn’t even know if he’ll survive, he’s pretty obviously failed to do that. It’s become a situation that’s out of his control and he has no idea what to do to make it better. On top of that, the only thing they really can do now is talk, which I don’t think Raph really sees as one of his strong points. He’s basically backed into the proverbial corner, and when Raph gets backed into a corner, he tends to lash out.
“If you ask me, Leo’s not coming back ‘cause he’s afraid.... No, he got his butt whooped, and now he’s too chicken to come back and face it.”
Effectively, he’s afraid Leo isn’t going to pull through. Maybe he puts it onto Leo because he’s not fully able to verbalize it when it’s about himself, I don’t know. But the main reason I think this is because when Splinter talks to him about confronting his fear, Raph immediately counters that Leo’s never been afraid of anything in his life. While it’s probably an exaggeration on his part, it also contradicts what he said before about Leo being the one who’s afraid.
“Well I say who needs you? It’s not like we can’t get on without you playing fearless leader!”
Honestly, in this moment, I don’t think he thinks they can. I know for me at that moment in the series, I wasn’t capable of imagining a version of the show where all four of them didn’t exist. I hadn’t yet conceptualized them as four protagonists equally capable of carrying the show provided at least one of them was still alive. All four were 100% necessary, or else you would lose the entire show, or at least that was the way it was in my ten-year-old brain.
For Raph, I think rather than being completely incapable of imagining it like I was, he’s able to imagine at least a version of it, and he doesn’t like what he’s seeing. This is Raph who throws himself at walls until they either break down or he wears himself out, and that’s what he’s doing in this moment. I don’t know if he’s thought far enough ahead or back to be thinking about this in those exact terms, but on some level, maybe he’s hoping to provoke Leo into a fight. It wouldn’t be the first time it happened between them, and it would be some level of his normal. If he throws himself at this wall of “things are not normal things are not right I can’t fix it” enough times, maybe he can somehow get back through to things being “normal” again.
Again, not an excuse for what he says, but an explanation. At least from my perspective, when things get dysregulated, if there’s anything I can do to try to push it back into my “normal,” it’s probably what I’m going to do. While I’ve always considered myself to relate to Don better than Raph, it’s something that I can at least make sense of experientially.
Immediately after this is when the waterworks start trying to run, and Raph goes into his story. “Back in the day, I always figured I was gonna be top turtle. I was strongest, bravest.” This isn’t something he wants anymore. Even if he thought he was capable of leading, I don’t think there’s any way he can see that happening apart from losing Leo. His story paints himself as hotheaded, impulsive, jumping in with no strategy and completely blind to what he’s up against, while Leo cautions him, tries to reason, then eventually just kind of calmly-ish steps in and fixes everything.
Of course, when he’s finished, he immediately tries to backtrack. “I don’t even know why I told that story, I guess you just... I mean... what I’m trying to say is...” Everyone else kind of wrapped their story up with whatever the “point” was, and Raph isn’t able to put it into words. He doesn’t want “Who needs you?” to be the last thing he ever said to Leo if worst comes to worst, but even just from his portrayal of the two of them in the story, there’s definitely something he wanted to say with that. I don’t think it’s that he doesn’t know why he told the story as much as he just isn’t able to find the words to put to it. But he knows that people communicate in words, and everyone else put their thoughts in words, so it’s something he needs to do, and keeps trying to do even as he is visibly, almost physically struggling with it. He needs Splinter’s reassurance that Leo is able to understand him, even if he can’t word it, even if that part remains unspoken.
And this is the moment that Raph isolates himself. He knows at the very least that this isn’t something he’s good at dealing with, and possibly he’s expecting himself to lash out again if he sticks around. So he goes off to deal with it and put himself back to his “normal” before he can rejoin the group.
The very end of the episode moves things back into his area of expertise. “Hey Leo, if you need anything, I’ll be right outside.” Getting someone an extra blanket or like water or helping them get to the restroom or something? All stuff he can do. The source of his earlier dysregulation, my brother might be dying and there’s nothing I can do about it, is removed, and he’s able to communicate now with actions, rather than words.
And with 2003 Raph, actions speak louder than words.
#and thus the birth of my 'raphael doesn't think in words' headcanon#right now#at this very moment#as i am putting it into words for the first time#if i haven't made it blatant before#i have a slight tendency to obsess over things which are confusing to me or which provoke strong emotional reactions from me#2003 raphael was very frequently the former#rin rambles#tmnt 2003#raphael#2003 raphael#at the very least he doesn't think entirely in words#and there are some concepts that don't really go into words with him#rin overanalyzes stuff#teenage mutant ninja turtles#though actually now that i think about it#if raph hadn't been close with donnie he might still not make sense to me#since fanfics which focused on their interactions were what made him start to make sense to me#though admittedly that probably should have happened much sooner since i *was* the person who up until grad school#referred to herself crying. getting angry. or otherwise showing strong emotions as 'having an emotional reaction'#like gee rin. maybe raph does the same thing you do? just differently.#long post#i think?
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