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lovesickeros · 3 months

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☆ from gold, i am undone

{☆} characters tsaritsa {☆} notes cult au, yandere, drabble, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings blood, implied self harm, implied suicide attempts {☆} word count 0.9k

You weren't meant to be here.

You can feel it in the marrow of your bones– it weighs you down like heavy shackles, gold bleeding from your pores until it is all you know. The taste of ichor on your tongue, the warmth of its invasion beneath your skin, that gleam of gold that lingers in the color of your eyes like specks of dust.

You are changed, and you are whole.

But you are so unbearably broken.

A shattered piece of porcelain hastily put back together with gold to fill the cracks.

Decoration, in the end, for you are not fit to walk as "mortals" do. This gold had filled every empty crevice of your body, spilled the red into your frantic hands and made you bleed so it's callous gold could make room inside your body. It has taken from you many things, given many more, but you scratch and bite and tear until it drips onto the floor and even then it never leaves. It stains the floor no matter how hard you scrub– a permanent reminder of the sickening gold that molds you into something that used to look like you– that does look like you. Desecrated, yet so horribly divine.

All you see is a monster.

Something new, something old.

A hollowed out shell, wounds left to rot and fester until you suited the image of the Creator they bore upon statues and murals, the Creator worshiped in prayers spoken in hushed whispers and joyous chants praising your magnificence.

But what magnificence is there in detachment? What joy is there to be found in carving a God out of a human? They kneel like lambs before the shepherd, but the flock has made you– and you want to unmake them. Unweave the tapestry of their being stitch by stitch until it all falls apart and the world knows the cost of casting molten gold into the shape of a human, knows the price that has been left unpaid.

You want to take it from them. Watch them squabble and pray, blind sheep stepping into the wolf's open maw– to tear the seams of their being until the world is unwound by your heavy hands.

But you know it will not satisfy you.

Nothing does anymore.

You are no wolf. Only the shepherd who guides.

And with every drop of blood spilled, they ripped the humanity from your very bones until your body was the cast in which they made something anew– something gold, something horrific. A monster as much a God, a beast as much a man.

There is nothing left but absolute authority.

You try again and again to mend this act of desecration, to peel back the outer shell and rend the gold from your marrow– but your body cannot, will not, die. It mends itself back into place no matter how damaged, and all you feel is the uncomfortable tug of your body forcing itself to live. You cannot die, but were you ever truly alive at all?

Yet with every cycle, you know only one constant besides the thrum of golden ichor in your veins– cold.

Ice that burns, ice that spreads and festers and devours. Claws that pull you apart until the gold runs thick, teeth that burrow into your bones and rip it out from the source..eyes that witness the fall of a God with reverence– hungering, all consuming reverence.

You welcome it.

It is the first time you felt pain since you were cast into an image of a being you were not meant to be. The sting of cold upon your skin makes you shiver, your body tries to reject it, but you want to welcome it– for a brief moment that lasts only as long as it takes for you to blink, you see the glint of something familiar in the reflection of her empty eyes. Something achingly, horribly familiar– something human, all the more terrifying for it.

Even when Teyvat itself crumples like paper beneath the weight of her sins – of this desecration anew, this wretched heresy – you allow her hands to do it again. You grasp her hands in yours like chains, willing her to shackle you, willing her to pull you apart and make you whole again. To break you until the gold cannot put you back together again.

You long, each time, for those eyes like spears that lodge into your skin– burrow deep and sting deeper, making gold flow like water. You long for the biting tongue, the cutting words and those teeth like weapons– long to see the spite and anger and impure disgust aimed at the woman of silver who leads you down a hall that ends only in damnation. You follow each time like the lamb led astray by the wolf, but you do not wail in betrayal when she sinks her teeth into your throat and devours you whole.

For is it a sin if you welcome it? Has their God sinned, in the eyes of the flock, for welcoming such heresy with open arms? For allowing the wolf into their home?

Is it a sin to be broken beneath the only hands that have loved you?

Is it a sin to want to love, too, those hands and teeth stained in gold?

Then you shall be damned, you swear it. Damned, but gold no more.

For death is the closest you have ever felt to being human.

#sagau #genshin sagau #self aware genshin #genshin impact sagau #self aware genshin impact #fic tag #tsaritsa #genshin cult au #genshin impact cult au #tsaritsa x reader #this is. technically not a sequel but not a prequel but a secret third thing (mental health crisis)#kidding i just wanted 2 write the prev fic from more reader oriented pov bc it wasnt fucked up enough!!!!!#i need fucked up reader who is irreparably changed in horrifying ways!!!!!! and they cant die bc teyvat kinda needs them 2 uh #exist at all. and if u die well thats it. hits reset button #the horrifying fate of a mortal forced to be a god against their will and all the drawbacks that come with it #where is love to be found when they all cannot see themselves as anything but beneath you? there will always be imbalance #oh they try. they claw and scramble and beg but being the creator has changed you.#none of their worship. none of their sacrifices and gifts and pleas make you feel a thing and what a haunting thing it must be #do they reject it? delude themselves into thinking that they must try harder?#or do they accept that this is a god? absolute. horrifying in its entirety. something that even the archons cannot truly understand #a manmade god who seeks absolution in only the most heretical. the most blasphemous #literally shaking chewing on the bars of my cage LET ME OUT #i love deep dives like this sorry 2 everyone i made think i was normal my bad #i just think immortality and godhood r funky concepts and i love making them WORSE #also this took so long because i was playing b@Idurs g@t3 3 erm. censored so it doesnt show up in tags PLEASE DONT SHOW UP IN TAGS #taking i need the tsaritsa to bite me to a whole new entirely worse level!!#i just think (starts talking for 5 hours straight and doesnt Shut Up)#this one is also. considerably more openly fucked up then the other fic. even if its hidden behind flowery language uh. take it seriously.#okay im done no more angst its fluff from here on out i need 2 be NORMAL. i am a normal well functioning adult. maybe.

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hanzajesthanza · 1 month

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the headcanon that regis can hang from the ceiling to sleep or rest like a bat is funny on its own, but when i consider geralt and others in the hanza holding conversations with him like this, it’s made better by my understanding of this as just an advanced “neurodivergent sitting” technique

#in an irl au i suppose he could be doing an upside down yoga pose. that would fit irl au regis well. ugh #the better headcanon is angoulême walking in their room. going ‘[head nod up] cahir. where—‘#and cahir (not looking up) points to the ceiling on the other side of the room. also in total darkness btw no candles lit on that side #i imagine that when someone else walks to their room’s door and knocks. for example let’s say dandelion for instance #dandelion’s hardly a stranger but he did that thing where your friend stops hanging out with you because they’re busy with their gf #he knocks and immediately regis is suddenly sitting in bed like a normal person . and he put his eyeglasses on and pretended to read #oh hi dandelion i didnt recognize your footsteps #my… footsteps?#this is actually kind of bullshit though because the only person more talkative than dandelion at night is regis (angouleme close third)#so if dandelion ever wanted to discuss meaning of life at 2 am i know where he would go #sorry cahir. put a pillow over your ear #the elbow-high diaries #edit: no actually he would bother geralt with this #edit edit: no actually he and geralt were ‘on a break’ (unresolved tension) so he wouldn’t. but he would want to #angoulême goes to their room too often to chill and hang out #milva goes to their room and cahir and regis stand at attention like yes ma’am. what do you need #hi milva how are things (your ongoing mental health crisis)#if geralt walks in starts talking with regis. cahir leaves the room. ‘im going to um. check on the horses’#its 12 am. horses are sleeping. ? answer; he is being a considerate roommate. he had to share bunks before. he knows how It Is

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digitalcockroach · 2 months

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im too fucking empathetic i just went from fully planning on keying my shitty neighbors car to being a free therapist and babysitter for them

#please dont let me get further sucked in #they're just toxic assholes going thru mental health and addiction crisis and have like 4 small children in a 2 bedroom so #i cant say i Like them but i do feel a kind of idk kinship #bc i grew up in that kind of environment and i know decent people get ugly under high stress and hard drugs #and idk i just dont wanna get accused of taking sides or being this dudes other 'woman'#for hearing him out when he came over panicking bc of the latest blowout #like honestly i mostly wanted to extend the offer of sanctuary to the kids #equally worried the guy will just transfer his feelings about his wife or whatever onto me if im too nice too often #bc men fucking do that

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misclogarts · 3 months

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its crazy how music can just take you back to a time or moment in your life

#itlogthoughts #ok so im working on that haru/miyu playlist that i teased at like. last year. or possibly the year before that #if youve been following me for long enough then you might remember that one drawing i made for them with lover's rock. its that playlist.#i finally got around to working on it LMFAO #ok anyways like originally the playlist would end sadly (ending in the song 'lifetime' by ben and ben) however im going to give them a happ #-end. for once. i think haruna deserves it for everything i put her through from octobers 2022-2023 (horrible mental health crisis)#so much has changed in the span of a year and d4 was the fandom that witnessed that happen... idk man im a little emotional lmao #if i still am into d4 by june of this year then that would mark my 2 year anniversary of playing groovy mix:) and being a d4 fan #honestly i've gotten so used to thinking about d4 that it's kind of hard to get rid of. lol. even though im not following-#-the main story anymore you can tell that i have my favorites haha

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britneyshakespeare · 1 year

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i am like. unreasonably mad right now.

#oh like SO much madder than i need to be #tales from diana #i uninvited this guy i don't personally like very much from smth last week #i told him something TRUE tho which is that my friend who was going through a mental health crisis might not be expecting a lot #of ppl there and i was trying to keep the crowd small for his sake. FOR HIS SAKE. that was half of my anxiety tbh.#i probably would've suffered through trying to be nice and agreeable if i weren't looking out for him. he's been through the wringer lately #but it gave me a valid excuse to tell this guy i already have some problems being around that i didn't want him to show up.#but i told my OTHER friend. who WAS going. not the one going through the mental health shit.#i wasn't gonna throw the first guy under the bus so i told him hey friend 2 i uninvited that guy bc i kinda have reservations about him.#i didn't think it necessary to share my first friend's crisis (when i told the guy i dislike abt it i didnt say who it was)#(that was another reason i felt like i shouldnt invite him. bc i didnt want him to know who it was. i didnt wanna share his business)#so im telling friend 2 about the reasons i have reservations about this guy right? and friend 2 is like 'oh wow i didnt know that'#and he starts feeling differently abt him. reflecting on some stuff. it's not easy to find out someone isn't who you thought they were.#he ends up 'uninviting' him (the guy i told him i dislike) from smth we were gonna do sunday. he didn't give a reason like i did #he just said 'actually something's come up and i couldnt do that' but later that day he ends up going to the HOSPITAL right #friend 2 does. he tells the disliked guy that's why he didn't see him on sunday. but now he doesn't believe either of us uninvited him #for sincere reasons. i mean i guess friend 2 didnt. but he's doubting friend 2's health in the first place #and he fucking doubted my friend going through a MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS who i was just trying to be accommodating for.#im so mad. im so mad!!! not everything's about you dude.#i had to get that off my chest. there's more but im just so mad. im kind of fuming honestly #ive been pissed off abut this for over an hour now i can't be reasonable about it. just fucking fuck allllllll the way off.

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featherymainffins · 2 months

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Binge-reading Dungeon Meshi because it's the only thing standing between me and suicide ngl.

#it at least gave me the single molecule of mental energy required to force myself to eat at least one slice of bread #because it's like the physical energy is there sure but mentally I'm like 'noooooo I don't want to eat anything i hate food #all food tastes bad and i hate life and i want to eat nothing at all and furthermore i need to lose weight so i should starve myself'#I'm thinking that it might actually make me last until I either convince the crisis center that I'm for fucking real for real #or until my appointment with the school counselor. which idk when would be because i was supposed to go on the #2nd of April but i guess there might be holidays because he called me when i was atva lecture but i couldn't take it #because i had a lecture and he hasn't called since but I'm assuming #that hell call again and that he wants to let me know that the date is impossible #but I want to like wait and see what he says. and if he goes like 'oh actually im on a long vacay now goodbye forever'#or whatever I'll just go '...slay' and ride my ass to the hospital tomorrow.#show up at the crisis centre looking exactly like the patients with chronic pain who report pain 7 while looking unphased #like 'hello i am an active danger to myself I can't get out of bed most days; i need 16 hours of sleep to function for 4 hours #my meds have stopped working I haven't eaten anything but exactly 2 pancakes and a slice of bread in the past 4 days #and i exhibit a strong refusal to change this marked by thoughts present in people affected by eating disorders. no activity #feels fun anymore and they were marked by a strong sense of anxiety a few days ago but now i just feel nothing at all.#at this point I'm not even refusing to do any of my hobbies because im increasingly afraid of failure and its #consequences while being hunted for sport by anxiety from the opposite end telling me that i need to finish 50 masterpieces #immediately or nobody will ever like me again and they'll all see me for the talentless fraud i am. at this point i just don't care.#i don't do anything because i feel sluggish and my body is heavy and I'm so so tired and I'm tired of being awake and I can't think straight #also i think i might be going into a psychotic episode again.'#they're gonna tell me to get the fuck out of their faces anyway but it's worth a try.#like idk i feel like they might kinda listen because yesterday I guess they wouldn't have but today i have stopped caring about cars #and looking both ways. which is like. not a good sign probably. also yesterday i was still somewhat able to talk to people #even though i was in a very irritated and drained out state but today I'm feeling like if anyone even fucking attempts to talk to me #or if i hear any loud fucking sound at all I'm just gonna punch myself in the head until the pain drowns out all the sound

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whxrecxre · 6 months

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ive just been feeling kind of barfy today and like for what reason >:(

#:p #everyone told me i was wrong that i didnt wanna continue being friends with that girl and i am feeling weird about it #maybe im toxic #im trying tho and i just wanna stay alive you know #:|#am i just a bitch #ik im mentally ill but like. you also know that. ive only been safe for a few years #i cant fix everything wrong with me in a few years #also im never gonna stop interrupting people #thats why i don't talk to anyone because i interrupt them #i can't read social cues its really hard for me to tell if its important if im not told #like im just cutting myself off i don't wanna interact with anyone except for my 2 immediate family members #feel like im softly going insane #and yeah its gonna be all about me until i stop drowning #just tell me im the fucking crisis friend and you can't support me #not like i ever even felt like i could ask

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mikurulucky · 10 months

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Well after watching Don Hertzfeldt's World of Tomorrow film again (the first one rather), and being that I'm STILL not technically done with my Johan et Pirlouit hyperfixation, I came up with a rather interesting and angsty au/futureverse setting for Johan. Well, not futureverse in the classic sense, but more of a sci-fi futureverse/au/idk what.

The setting is over 1000 years ahead of our current time period. Time travel might not be a thing, but human cloning technology has become close to a perfected practical science. And knowledge about neurology, memories, and dreams have dramatically improved to the point where humans have figured out how to extract memories and dreams from neurons. And eventually, extract memories from even long dead neurons.

A scientist in Belgian Wallonia managed to find a way to clone an ancient person found in an archeological dig under a local man's farm and found a way to transfer his original memories into the clone, medieval language knowledge and all. No small feat, almost miraculous considering how delicate the brain is as an organ. But once he's all grown and able to interact with others on his own, she goes all lab rat on his ass and her assistant's like "Man, just because we cloned a human from the past doesn't mean you get to treat him like this! He's a person, not some museum exhibit!"

And then she rescues clone!Johan from the situation, and now he goes from homesick for his original time and home, coping with the people he loved being long gone, to eventually accepting his extended lifespan and just wanting to be treated like a human being. The assistant later realizes Johan is her many times great grandfather, his title of chevalier being the same as her surname after looking at her geneology. Through her experience in linguistics and being a college language professor, he manages to teach him modern French, and after many years, when his time draws to a close, he asks her not to clone him anymore and to let him rest after living his second life.

He even shares some stories about his past life. Him dealing with Peewit's singing, his brief romance with a princess, some details the assistant didn't even find in any medieval manuscript that detailed his escapades.

"This has been an interesting life. Much different from my last. VERY much different. So much has changed in 2000 years, it's hard to believe it's been that long since I last left this earth. Thank you for everything."

Basically, a tragic yet bittersweet story about how a past human with his memories still intact reacts to being in a foreign time and place. About feeling drastically out of place and frightened, and then making new memories with new people and new things. Coming to terms with the fact he might never return to his old time and loved ones again, and becoming comfortable with making new relationships. About the horrors a clone of this sort would've gone through if it was possible.

Lotta emphasis on memory here.

#not putting this in the main tag because it's a bit too dark imo #probably my darkest and most serious story idea yet #hell i could adapt this into something non-fandom-related and that'd be pretty interesting #but johan et pirlouit ended up being the first thing to come to mind when i thought of this idea #hence mentioning johan #can't imagine ever being cloned 2000 years from now and having my memories of the 21st century implanted in that clone #that would be a bit scary i imagine #especially if my native language changed as drastically as the french language changed from the middle ages to the early modern period #speaking old french & learning modern french would be like learning a whole new language from scratch wth only a few similarities 2 work wt #not to mention the noisiness of modern settings could end up overloading you if you've been in a quieter older setting all your life #and the mental health struggle #damn #tw unreality #tw dark themes #tw existential crisis #existential dread #sci fi au #cloning

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dabihaul666 · 1 year

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still fucking insane 2 me that i can just stumble onto or someone will like a post of mine and its like , dabihaul is in their bio on twitter like how dont i know you and how dont u know me and then i get to their profile and it’s all l*o posts and p*rcy art and its all sub dabi and im like........................................ ok i see but this doesnt improve the situation either lol

#its a dilemma! i feel sooooooooooooooooooooooooo terribly about not being good enough at drawing and never having published any writing bc i #have severe mental afflictions and writing is literally the hardest thing in the world 4 me to do i have failed more classes than passed due #to written assignments and papers like #it makes me wanna get REAL shitty and snarky and bratty which people also don't like so not only am i an untalented nobody i also have a #shitty personality 2 keep ppl from even pity liking my shit #BUT lets be real there's a lot of things about me ppl dont like about me besides my attitude even when im on my best behavior and i HAND TO #GOD think i have some aura that people can pick up on about me #anyway it makes me wanna delete everything and start over but people would a) recognize me probably and b)...... idk #i have this crisis like twice a fucking year at least!!!!!!

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celaenaeiln · 6 months

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Dick Grayson's talent for manipulation literally brings the world to its knees.

Part 1 post

My absolute favorite trait about Dick aside from his craziness is his ability to control every single person in existence. The best part is, he's so clever in the way that he does it that people almost never notice.

Bart Allen

"Oh! Ahh..you're trying to get my DNA sample. You need my spit! Ha! That's such a Dick Grayson thing to do."

Bart knows!! Dick's brilliantly sly okay. Honey catches more flies that vinegar? He takes it so far that breaks he the ceiling with it because by the time he's done, people don't even know they've been manipulated. And if they do, then what can they do about it? He always wins.

With friends and family he does it to make them feel better without being so overt and discomforting them.

Justice League: Road to Dark Crisis

Jon came to him when he was feeling lost and upset and Dick set up the perfect conditions to encourage him and pick him up. He's just so good at doing what he's doing but he does it for all the right reasons.

But the extent Dick can go trick and manipulate someone is off the charts. A virtuoso.

In a Titans comic, Dick literally spent MONTHS acting depressed and weak after Donna, Wally, and Garth were kidnapped to another dimension by a villain just so he could trick the villain into thinking that his career was over and bring him into the same dimension so Dick could take him down.

He fooled everyone.

Teen Titans: The Silver Age TBP 2 Part #1

"Batman taught me how to be a totally convincing actor! So if the only way you could send me here with your ring was if I filled my brain with evil thoughts, I just faked it! My facial expression was pure evil-but my mind remained pure good." MONTHS.

He planned, pretended, and calculated every single fiber of his own mind and body until the whole world was fooled by his acting. He tricked an interdimensional being who had psychic access. That means he was so extraordinarily manipulative, he can control his own thoughts inside his head to trick someone else. Voldemort's legilimens has nothing on Dick's talent.

Like Bart, sometimes his allies are aware of this like with Selina-

Gotham City Sirens Issue #23

Selina's literally having a mental breakdown trying not to fall for Dick's manipulation and tricks.

But even if they know he's manipulating them, they still are forced to fall for it anyway.

Gotham City Sirens Issue #23

"Damn it."

Like a goldilocks mad scientist - he does it just right.

His acting is just so on point that he outschemes the schemer.

When the Crime Syndicate (Superwoman, Ultraman, Owlman, Power ring, etc) arrive on Earth to take it over when Dick is Batman, Dick needs to do something fast. But to make things worse, there's a being that's so powerful, that both the Crime Syndicate and Justice League combined have a snowball's chance in hell of defeating him.

So what does Dick do? He runs the game.

Justice League of America (2006) Issue #52

"Of course he had a plan the whole time. He's Batman. He always has a plan."

Justice League of America (2006) Issue #52

He tricks everyone.

Justice League of America (2006) Issue #52

And in the end, the Justice League wins and Dick saves the world.

Justice League of America (2006) Issue #52

I love how they characterized Owlman as a snake because that would make Dick a mongoose since mongoose eats snakes. And do you know what Mongoose represent in folklore? Action, adventure, boldness, fearlessness, impulsiveness, independence, optimism, rebellion, resistance, resourcefulness, speed, adaptation, agility, quickness, intelligence and wit. All characteristics that define him.

He plays the world like a chessboard, always five steps ahead.

He always has an ace hidden up his sleeve.

His thoughts are always masked behind a disarming smile.

He has mastered the art of manipulation.

And that's while he's outright fighting. His subtlety is just so seductive.

Take a look at the way he smoothly evades answering in this panel -

Grayson Issue #9

He's so smooth. She's constantly on the watch but she instantly fell head over heels for his charms in a half a heartbeat, that's just how good he is.

Grayson Issue #10

He's a master manipulator who knows exactly what to say and how to act to always end up winning.

It's seriously such a shame that one of his greatest skills and talents isn't talked about more because this man?! Flawless.

He's the spy everyone on TV wishes they could be. He's the type of spy people read about in history books and marvel at the ease, grace, and legendary story he leaves behind. He's the spy that everyone knows and dreams of in their fantasies.

Nightwing (2016)

And oh how they so are.

He can just get people to do whatever he wants.

There's a reason why Batman's only contingency plan against Nightwing is "Let's hope he fucks up." Because with his intelligence, skill, power, charisma, and raw talent - he's goddamn unstoppable.

#manipulative dick grayson #dick's honest to god terrifying for what he can do #so thankful he's on the good side because the world doesn't stand a chance with him on the bad #dick grayson #nightwing #bart allen #dc impulse #jon kent #super boy #selina kyle #catwoman #dc titans #owlman #robin dick grayson #crime syndicate #justice league #spyral #batman dick grayson

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mechaknight-98 · 3 months

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Paragon (NSFW) FT Yeji

author’s note Yeji is super hot especially in this dress. Been meaning to write her and I think I hit the right notes for this one

I got the call that the villain Light Fury was rampaging through the city. I groaned and suited up. I flew to Downtown

“Oh, Paragon you finally arrive. I was getting worried you wouldn’t show.”

My head was killing me so I responded, “Look light fury it’s barely Tuesday and it’s been a long week so can we hurry up.” I watched as the Villainess hesitated when she locked eyes with me. They held…concern no impossible no girl would interested in me especially not a supervillain as attractive as Light Fury. Huh, that’s a weird thought. I pondered, “Do I have a crush on my Archenemy?”

Lost in thought I didn’t see the giant plasma bolt flying towards me. It knocked me into an abandoned warehouse. It hurt but I was processing several different emotions so I just sat there for a minute.

“Do I like light fury ?” I ask myself.“No impossible I’m a hero. She’s a villain, but she's so smart, industrious, funny and we’re so close.” I say to myself.

“Am I a villain?” I questioned as I had teamed up with light fury numerous times to beat up on the worst of the Villains . Despite her being a supervillain it was quite often our values aligned. Unbeknownst to me light fury was flying to the warehouse as I was having my crisis.

“Like I almost killed my landlord yesterday for price gouging. I was so close to snapping his pencil neck. Although gouging his eyes out would have been more poetic. Listen to me I am one step short from monologing about the evils of the world and I don't feel anything except satisfaction because I keep feeling these unbearably strong violent ideations and antisocial tendencies. Am I just cosplaying hero to satisfy these cravings for violence I’ve been having.” Light Fury overhears me and is immediately taken back at hearing the hero she’s been fighting for the past 2 years having some very villainous thoughts, but she’d be remiss if she didn’t admit she kinda liked it when I flew off the handle. What came to her mind was their team-up where I nearly beat Dr.Cataclysm to death. almost single-handed. She saw the fire alight in his eyes and his heart race when they faced him. The rage and fire she got from me seemed to invigorate her making her powers stronger in the fight. She moved her hand into a skin-tight suit as she began to touch herself as she listened

“Maybe I should just finish the fight with light fury, turn her in, and call it a day, but she looks so hot today that new suit she wears makes her body look so good…what am I saying that’s my arch-villain and I’m drooling over her like I’m in high school again. I need a girlfriend.” I lamented Light Fury began to touch herself more intensely as she listened to my inner turmoil. The thought of corrupting her opposite excited her to no end. “What the fuck is wrong with me today. First, the landlord raised the rent, I almost lost it, and now I am lusting over my Archenemy. Get a grip, Hugo. I know I should go back to therapy…no that didn’t stop the rage I feel though. The only thing that quells that has been doing all the superhero stuff, but I’ve been getting worse.” I lament further

Watching me agonize and ponder my position Yeji stifles a moan escaping from her lips. The bottom of her villain suit and panties are gone as she further gives into her desires. His fingers dive in and out of her starving pussy.

“Hugo” light fury whispers. The first time she’s heard the real name of her nemesis. It excited her, but not in the case of perceived advantage but to be more intimate with the object of desires she has long repressed. Light fury gets a little closer now feeling herself burning up from arousal over my mental crisis and me lusting over her. She was also coming to terms with her loneliness and seeing such a strong and fertile young man who desired her…well her body reacted accordingly. I hear rustling and turn to see Light Fury standing in the corner of the warehouse shadows covering her. I turn to her terrified I ready myself to fight but light fury approaches me calmly her hips sashay with an eerily seductive quality. Seeing her half-naked paralyzed me as my body demands to fuck her but my mind rages against the primal part of me. As always her gaze is intense on approach but not of hatred. I see only one thing in her eyes…desire

“Little hero has been having some less than heroic thoughts about me. It gets me a little excited” She coos as she closes in on me her body pins me to the ground. I stiffen everywhere.

I’m used to being close to her but never with this feeling between us. She wraps her arms around me and brings me into her embrace. “Shush your worries.” She comes close. My resolve is hanging by a thread we both want each other but I… I can’t bring myself to…”Come, little hero.” She whispered in a seductive tone, and the thoughts I had been suppressing broke the floodgates. I rip Light Fury’s mask and my helmet off and devour her in a fervent kiss. The fiery Dragon queen as she was known by many greedily accepted my advances.

I run my hand through her auburn hair as the kiss between us begins to turn more passionate. Light Fury’s claws extended as she tore into my armor leaving me bare before her. She broke our kiss to appraise my body. Her eyes stopped at my crotch.

“Hmm, looks lit “Little hero” isn’t so little.” Light Fury says with a smile. Her hands reach out to my cock and I groan.

“Oh fuck light fury.” I moan light fury smiles maliciously as she strokes me a bit harder. One of my hands ventures down to her folds eager to reciprocate her passion and lust

“Yeji.” Light Fury says

“Huh?”I question

“My name is Yeji.” Light Fury responds

“Fuck Yeji keep going.” I moan as she gets a particularly substantial grip on my cock. Yeji smiles wickedly.

“Beg for it little hero Beg for your archenemy to make you cum.” Yeji says as takes a violent grip on my…no her cock. My body and mind have fully submitted to her whims.

“Please Yeji make me cum.”

Yeji grins madly fawning over the power she holds over me

“You can do better.” She admonishes

“Oh fuck Yeji please let me cum. ride my cock tills it’s spent in your pussy. Fuck me till I can’t even remember my name.” I moan desperate to feel her pussy on my cock. Yeji smirks before mounting me. She moans intensely as I fill her to the brim.

“Little hero isn’t so little.” Yeji coos. I groan as she holds me in place. Her pussy pulsated around my cock attempting to properly adjust to it. She groaned, and then she began to ride me. it started slow at first as we still were feeling each other out pawing at each other and getting to know each other's body. hers was tight and firm but bowed and curved in all the hottest and best places. Yeji smiled as his hands dug into my flesh. "Big Hero likes his Archenemy's pussy." she asks I nod breathlessly. Yeji takes it as a provocation to increase her pace which is par the course for her. Yeji is as unrelenting in riding me as she is in our fights perhaps more so here.

"You know Paragon you saved me before I became Light Fury," Yeji said as she sank further down onto my rod before lifting her tight sexy ass and slamming it back down on my crotch. I groan as she orgasms then and there. I continue to thrust in her extending the endeavor as I question her previous statement.

"Really?" I ask curious about previous encounters.

"Yes When Dr Cataclysm was collecting women for his vile experiment I was one of the subjects. His greatest success and his greatest failure." He called me." My blood boiled at the mention of Dr Cataclysm he had killed one of my closest friends and it took everything in me to let the Hero's association deal with him. He was a monster with no morals or guidance. few villains were as reviled as he was. In my anger, Yeji squealed.

"Oh Hero you're being so rough now. I love it. Did I strike a nerve mentioning the Good Doctor? Don't worry Big Hero. It was not your fault. The association made you stay your hand." Yeji says unknowingly. igniting the fire within me that burned brighter than any star.

"That fucking bastard hid among us like a wolf in sheepskin. He mocked us. and led us on goose chases while he preyed on the vulnerable. I should have ripped his throat out when I had his neck in my hands." I growled as I thrust into Yeji. She smiled seeing the color of my eyes change to the burnt Umber they would get whenever I was truly angry. Yeji was in bliss as I took my anger out on her. I fucked her harder and harder my senses dulling as pleasure and anger washed over me while using her. Yeji's smile was wicked and bright as I continued to thrust in and out of her tight pussy.

"I can feel you twitching harder Hero. Are you about to cum. Do it Cum in my pussy. Do it." Yeji mewled with a needy tone. Her words sent me over the edge as I dumped a load into her wanton pussy. As our bodies calmed down we stared at each other a confusing wave of emotions washed over us as the sexual tension dissipated.

"I can't believe I did that," we said simultaneously as our rationale came back to us. Yeji looked at me with a Vulnerable look.

"I am sorry Paragon. I shouldn't have done that to you," she said remorseful. I dismissed her.

"No, I was a consenting participant." I rebuked "Fuck...Why did you have to be so cute." I lament. Yeji looks at me with a surprised shocked look before blushing.

"Is that affection in your tone?" Yeji questions sternly.

I nod, "Yeah you are stunning, and had the circumstances been different I definitely would have asked you out."

"What's stopping Hugo from Asking Yeji out?" Yeji asks me with an innocent look

"Really? you know what screw it we're already this deep in. Hi Yeji would you like to get coffee sometime?" I ask meekly. Yeji smiles a more wholesome smile and winks at me. "I'd love to Hugo."

"Does tomorrow work?" she asks. I nod. "Great. Give me your phone so we can share numbers. I nod and conjure my phone to my hand.

"Oh, that's so cool," Yeji notes smiling. I smile brightly at her back, and we exchange numbers. I conjure my civilian clothes while she does a Carter twirl and turns back into her nice form-fitting black dress I assumed she was wearing before.

"You're drooling." Yeji teased. I nodded and rebuked

"Yes. Do you see how hot you are? Or is it only on me to tell you?"

Yeji smiles before saying, "Flattery will get you everywhere."

"I hope so because my goodness you are stunning," I reply

Yeji smiles then her face goes stern. "Okay stop it. you're too sweet." I nod and reply

"I am sorry this is just my first relationship...Being a hero and with my actual job. it doesn't leave time for much...Cavorting with others." as I explain Yeji's face softens.

"I never considered that, but yeah you keep your identity secret," Yeji affirms and I nod.

we both walk out of the warehouse. I use my magic to repair it.

"You know I don't know how your powers work?" Yeji asked with innocent curiosity.

"Oh no missy I am not revealing the secret of my powers. What if you're just using me to get to know my weaknesses?"

"Hugo I let you cum in me...Quite a bit I might add I can still feel it sloshing inside of me." Yeji laughs. I laugh with her and reply

"Well, I can't be too careful. We are still enemies after all."

#kpop fanfic #fanfic #male reader #yeji #itzy yeji #yeji smut #kpop smut

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neuroticboyfriend · 3 months

Text

After seeing this Mental Health Pain Scale a while ago, I realized that it doesn't really work well for people whose mental wellness changes frequently (ex: people with BPD or C-PTSD, addicts), and very extremely. So, I made some tweaks for myself, and hopefully it can help others:

Here's a version with a table :) Emotional Distress Scale

0 - I feel great! This is the best I’ve felt in a long time!

1 - I’m feeling really good! There’s no distress to address.

2 - I’m feeling good. If I start feeling bothered, I can be easily distracted or cheered up.

3 - I’m okay, but there are some things bothering me. I can easily cope with them, though.

4 - I could be better. There are a few things distressing me right now. It’s not exactly easy to deal with, but I still have the skills to get through it.

5 - I’m not okay. It’s getting harder to do the things I want to do, but I can do them. My coping skills aren’t working as well anymore, but enough of them work to get me through the day. I need some support.

6 - I’m feeling bad, and it’s very hard to do the things I need or want to do. Most of my coping skills aren’t effective right now, and it’s taking a lot of energy to stay stable. I need help.

7 - I’m feeling awful. It’s hard to focus on anything but my emotions, and/or I’m avoiding things that distress me. I can’t do much but try to take care of myself, which is already hard in itself. I’m running low on, or have run out of, effective coping skills. I need a lot of help right now.

8 - I’m feeling awful, and I can’t escape it anymore. How I feel is affecting every part of my day, and I’m reaching the point where I can’t function. It’s hard to sleep, eat, socialize, etc. I need help before I can’t handle anything.

9 - This is approaching the worst I could feel. I can’t function anymore. My emotions have totally consumed me. I may be a danger to myself or others, or I may be neglecting myself. I need urgent help.

10 - This is the worst I’ve felt ever/since [last time]. I can’t care for myself at all. My emotions are so intense, I’m at imminent risk of dangerously acting on them. I need crisis support immediately.

11 - I have acted on my emotions and hurt myself or someone else. Everything else in my life is impossible to comprehend. I need medical care and/or crisis support immediately.

Note that this doesn't really work well if your positive states end up being unhealthy (ex: mania, idealization, etc.), so it's geared towards negative emotions. This is also meant to be about how you feel NOW. The other scale works best for viewing your overall state.

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owliellder · 9 months

Text

The Finer Details

Post DI! Leon Kennedy x Painter f! Reader

MDNI 18+

(Session 1, Session 2, Session 3, Session 4, Session 5, The Reveal)

Description: Leon realizes that retirement is in his best interest now that he's getting older. All of his accomplishments as an agent mean he's truly earned a painting to commemorate..

Warnings: Not Proofread, Age gap! (reader is anywhere between mid-late 20's and Leon is 40), Porn w/ Plot, Use of she/her pronouns, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Alcoholism, mentions of trauma/PTSD/depression, P in V smut (wrap it NEOW), Leon cries during sex 💔

Tags: Older Leon Kennedy, Younger afab!Reader, Leon is SAD but he is your muse, Crying, mentions of Leon masturbating, starts off with Dom! Leon and Sub! Reader, falls into switch territory because that man needs some serious TLC, Praise kink, Hickeys, Handjob, Nipple play, Oral sex (m! and f! receiving), and a heavy dose of Aftercare

Author Note: You know how each president of the U.S. gets a painting at the end of their term? I'm thinking like that. Plus, my favorite hobby is recreating renaissance art, so I figured this was a good fit (hopefully).

Cross posted onto AO3

Session 1: The Sketches

It was late at night when Leon made his decision to retire fully.

He had gotten home over an hour ago from reviewing mountains of paperwork, most of which pertained to missions that other agents have gone on or will be going on.

Younger agents. More energized agents.

The fact that he hadn't gone on a full mission since San Francisco was driving him up the wall. But that's what he wanted. He requested to hang back the last two years.

Both Chris and Claire had fully retired themselves right after San Fran, Claire being the first to retire to focus on her growing family with Chris following suit only a few months later. Jill was still around, but she was doing similar work that Leon was, only she was in a completely different department which was states away.

Of course Leon still talked with them all as regularly as possible, he'd go insane if he didn't, especially with Claire having a couple kids now. He wasn't the greatest with children, but it was refreshing seeing his friends achieve such normalcy. He wanted them to have the best life they could away from everything.

Having turned 40 a few some months ago, Leon was having a bit of a mid-life crisis. The mission to San Francisco a couple years ago had made him realize just how much toll the job itself had taken on his body. After being assessed and allowed home a few nights after returning from the mission, his body ached; joints creaking, back nearly thrown, just... tired.

Don't get him wrong, he was always tired after missions, but this was different. This wasn't just the regular aches and pains he dealt with after being tossed around like a rag doll, this was age.

Deep in his mind, Leon was still that 21 year old boy in Raccoon City. He never got the chance to properly grieve and move on, his mind forever changed by that event. Mentally, he was stuck there and had been this entire time.

It had taken the man this long to truly recognize the fact that he's older now. He's not that boy from Raccoon City anymore. He hadn't been in a long time.

What was he do to now? Leon had wanted so badly to serve and protect the people, but not like this. Not like he has for the past 29 years.

He spent his most formative years fighting unimaginable horrors, watching people suffer, watching people die. You don't just come back from something like that.

And unlike the friends he's managed to keep close, Leon didn't have someone he trusted. Hell, he barely trusted himself most days.

So now here he was, sitting drunk in his shower with his legs pulled up to his chest, his arms resting atop his knees while the water pelted down on him, silently mulling over everything he's ever seen and done during his time as an agent.

The water had grown cold at this point, Leon having quickly lost track of how long he was sitting spaced out like that for. Thankfully, he'd already cleaned himself before he ended up sitting down, so the hardest part now was just standing back up to get himself back out.

It took him a couple more minutes before he finally hoisted himself up with a tired groan, both his knees popping from being stuck in position for such a lengthy amount of time.

Once out of the shower, towel loosely wrapped around his waist, Leon stared at himself in the mirror; busy studying the crow's feet on both outer corners of his eyes as well as the prominent bags sitting under them, the smile line around his mouth, his now brown hair, the stubble on his face and neck that's he's neglected to shave, and just how exhausted he looked.

How has he never noticed any of this before? Why's he look so different now?

Settling into bed after this brutal realization was a tough task. The man followed his nightly routine of taking four Tylenol and two of his prescription sleep meds before setting his a/c 65 degrees Fahrenheit. He learned quickly many years ago that tossing and turning at night would make him overheat and sweat.

But tonight, nothing Leon did could ease that sinking feeling in his chest, that feeling of unfulfillmemt and shame weighing on him more than ever before.

The poor man barely slept at all last night, hangover evident by the way he was still slightly uneven on his feet as he leaned over the center island in his kitchen, head between his forearms while his hands sat clasped together.

Leon knew what he had to do. He's been feeling it ever since Chris and Claire made their departure, but it was so easy to deny. How was he suppose to give up the one thing that made him important? Sure the stress of his work was heavily tasking on the mind and body, but it's what gave him purpose. He felt useful doing what he did.

The man showed up for work late that day, barely having managed to dress himself. He didn't know exactly who to go to in this scenario, but everyone seemed surprised that the Leon Kennedy would show up for work in some ratty t-shirt and grey sweatpants. The stares were making him incredibly uncomfortable and he was quickly regretting showing up at all.

After sitting in his own office for awhile to avoid the looks and whispers, Leon eventually sauntered over to his superior's office, an almost solemn look on his face as he let himself in after knocking.

Needless to say, Leon was relieved his superior knew this was coming. Slightly offended, but relieved nonetheless.

It had been a long time coming, and it was only a matter of time before Leon threw in the towel, especially since he was now just working behind the scenes instead of on the frontline.

He was allowed to return home for the rest of the day if he wanted to, which Leon quickly took. He really didn't want to be in that building for much longer.

As soon as he returned home he went right back to drinking. And as ashamed as he is to admit, he even cried a little, half empty whiskey bottle in one hand while the other was clenched tightly into a fist as he gripped the pant leg of his sweats.

There wasn't anyone Leon could talk to about this. Chris and Claire had their own respective partners to come home to after retirement, but Leon? Leon had nothing besides a dingy and cold two bedroom house with only the basics inside, including his alcohol cabinet.

The man didn't even give himself time to date, only the occasional one night stand with randoms from the bar. He was too afraid that he would endanger anyone he allowed into his life like that, not to mention he'd been betrayed one too many times to trust in someone that way again. It was his way of keeping himself and everyone else safe.

The therapists he was assigned throughout the years all had the same concern regarding his love life, and deep down Leon was just as concerned, but he rationalized it with that hero complex he developed.

But he just couldn't rationalize it anymore. Leon was alone. He was alone, sad, and afraid.

About a month after Leon's retirement was processed and announced, word spread quickly throughout numerous government branches. There was a celebration set up at the White House to honor his service as a field agent.

The President had separated him and Leon from the party to slowly walk through the many hallways in the building. The old man could tell just how bothered the now ex-agent was by his retirement, so he figured now would be the best time to talk to him about his final task.

"You know," The President spoke up after a couple minutes of the two walking in silence, prompting Leon to slowly turn his head to listen. "I'm sure you've heard it so many times tonight, but you truly were one of the best agents I've ever seen."

Leon chuckled quietly, shaking his head a bit at the compliment. He had heard it a lot tonight, but obviously it was different coming from him.

"I'm serious. This county, probably the entire world, would've been in shambles if not for your hours spent." The President continued, slowing his walking to a stop.

"It means more than you know." Leon responded simply, voice a bit gravelly from the few drinks he's had. He took a couple steps more before stopping as well, turning around to face the prominent old man.

The President sighed, giving him a sympathetic smile while nodding. They stood in silence for a brief moment before the old man spoke up again, pointing lazily down the hall. "Follow me, I've got something I want to show you."

From there, the two wandered further down the halls until eventually reaching one hall that had lights more centered towards the walls, highlighting the picture frames that sat evenly spaced out amongst them.

Leon seemed a tad confused until he was able to focus on the first painting they walked by. He knew each president got a portrait painted after their full term was served, but the man in this painting wasn't a past president.

He stopped walking to stand in front of the painting, admiring the details it had before glancing down at the bottom of the elegant frame, a placard reading a name he didn't recognize. What he did recognize, though, was the word Agent that sat in front of the man's name.

While zoned into the placard, Leon didn't register the gentle hand that had been clasped on his shoulder, the President's voice breaking through his trance. "For as long as there's been bioweapons, we've had agents fighting to stop them. But only a few agents have truly outdone themselves. Agents like you."

Leon blinked a couple times before turning his head to look at the hand on his shoulder, eyebrows furrowed. He wasn't quite understanding what he was saying.

The President took his silence as a cue to continue, his sympathetic smile turning into a happier one as he gently tugged Leon's shoulder to get him to start walking again. "The D.S.O. has produced some of the greatest agents since Benford created it back in 2011. You were amazing before, but you've outdone yourself time and time again."

Leon still wasn't quite understanding, really only half listening as he kept his eyes trained to the numerous portraits of agents as he slowly passed them.

The two stopped in front of the last painting in the hallway, only a few spots away from leading into another hallway. It was Chris and Claire in this painting. Chris was sitting down in a chair while Claire stood next to him, hand resting on back of it, both of them smiling.

He studied the painting for a minute longer before whipping his head around to face the President, who was still smiling, as the realization slowly settling in.

"I-" Leon struggling to speak, glancing back at the painting before quickly looking back at the old man standing next to him.

The President simply nodded his head, smile widening with a gentle laugh. "Right. The painting process takes a bit of time, but I think you've more than earned this."

The ex-agent had so many questions. Firstly, why hadn't Chris or Claire mentioned this? But more importantly, he gets to have his own portrait painted?

"The painter knows all about you. She's excited to meet you." The President started down the hall again, Leon not far behind, still stuttering out nonsense as he attempted to form even a sentence. "I'll give you the information you need to get started with her. I have it written down back in my office."

A painting?

A painting. A painting for him. A painting to honor him. What?

Leon was once again sat on his couch, blankly staring at the small business card with a date and time written on it in pen. He'd read the info on the card so many times already, wanting to make sure he got absolutely nothing wrong.

Apparently he didn't have to call and confirm, all he had to do was show up to this random address at a specific date and time, which was soon. In a couple days kind of soon. Also, he thought he was reading the time wrong, but no, it was four in the morning, not four in the afternoon. What an odd and rather inconvenient time.

Even after memorizing the business card front to back, Leon would be lying if he said he didn't forget about meeting up with this mystery painter. He'd been rather aloof the past couple months, it was hard to pull himself out of that funk. He'd been staying up late and sleeping in even later, so hitting snooze on his alarm a good few times was just muscle memory at this point.

It was almost 5am when he realized where he was suppose to be, eyes shooting open as he yanked himself out of bed, desperately trying to clean himself up enough to be at least presentable.

The man was mentally chastising himself the entire drive. It was a short drive, which he was surprised by, and the building seemed quaint; red brick with large windows that sat on what looked like either a second or third floor.

He parked his bike right near what he assumed was the main door, pulling off his motorcycle helmet before knocking and waiting.

The last thing Leon was expecting was you to unlock and open that door; young and pretty, so pretty...

"Mr. Kennedy?" You asked, eyebrows raised slightly with a small smile. He nodded, just barely noticeable, reaching a gloved hand up to wipe at his eyes as he caught himself staring.

Your smile only widened at his nod, stepping aside to allow him into walk in. It took him a minute to realize you were still talking, shaking his head out to refocus himself.

"-again, really, no need to worry about being late. I was trying to work with your schedule but I should've known it's changed up a bit by now, right?" You lead him up a set of narrow stairs, though he was mostly following the smell of your perfume. It was such a light smell but he definitely picked up on it.

You opened a door immediately to the left of the stairs, letting Leon follow you inside. The sun was just starting to rise, shining through the large windows in the open room.

The place was cluttered, yet organized. Crowded, but that just made it all the cozier to Leon. His house was bare and lacked any sort of personality, but this... this place was covered in you.

"I'm glad you like it in here." You said in a quiet voice, looking up at him as he took in your workspace. He was smiling ever so slightly, which you mimicked with a smile of your own. "I try to make it welcoming in here, my apartment is the same way.."

Your voice trailed off as you walked over to a mostly put together set up near the back of the room where the only wall without windows sat. There was a chair sitting close to the wall, the same chair Chris was sitting in for his portrait with Claire, along with your easel sitting empty a few feet away.

Leon stood frozen, only moving his head around as he took everything in. He followed you with his eyes as you fumbled around with something, eventually producing a blank 24" x 36" canvas that was still wrapped in thin plastic.

His mouth made an 'o' shape as he pulled himself from his small trance once again, beginning to slowly make his way over to the set up you've made. He placed his helmet down on the floor beside the chair.

After placing the canvas on the easel, you walked back over to where you'd gotten the canvas from before grabbing a heavily used sketchbook. It was a large one, the paper a light brown instead of white.

Leon had only just realized that there was a faint sound of some form of classical music playing from somewhere in the room, glancing around for speakers before looking back over at you.

"I'm not getting started today, we're a couple steps away from that, so don't worry about appearance just yet." You said softly with a breathy laugh, quickly making your way back over to where he stood next to the plush chair in your setup, his hand feeling over the worn maroon fabric.

Leon nodded silently, moving to sit down once you requested he did, furrowing his eyebrows as he watched you drag over a small table. You worked fast, that's for sure.

Eventually, you'd set up a little tabletop easel to sit on the table you'd dragged in front of him, grabbing your swivel chair to sit in as you placed your sketchbook on the easel, open to a blank page.

"I just need to get some basic ideas of your facial structure since that's most important when it comes to these kinds of paintings. You're gonna be wearing a nice tuxedo when I do the second- no, third sketch for the final painting, but this is just for me to get a feel for you and vise versa." You rambled quickly, pulling out a pencil from one of your pockets before fully sitting down on the chair, bringing your legs up to sit criss cross.

"Uh.. Alright..." Leon responded, clearing his throat a bit. He didn't really understand what you'd said, you spoke a little too fast for his tired brain to keep up, but it seemed like whatever you were doing was necessary so he just rolled with it.

He was left a little speechless again at how you just began sketching, glancing up to his face and down to the page you were working on over and over. "...do you need me to, I don't know, pose or something?"

The way you kept looking at him was making feel a little uneasy. Granted he's never been in this sort of situation before, this whole process was very unfamiliar to him.

"No, no. You can move your head around and stuff. Get comfortable." You waved off, eyes wrinkling as you smiled at him. Leon nodded again, deciding to take the opportunity to look around your workspace again.

It really was a cozy space. Full of color and life, even the curtains you had lining the windows offered so much pattern and detail to the room. The back of the room where the two of you sat was more cluttered with less decor, but the front of the room was a whole different story with those massive floor pillows, blankets of all sorts strewn about, that big fluffy looking area rug, it was all so... homey. It was even inspiring him to decorate his own house a bit.

The sound of your pencil scribbling on paper and the faint sound of the classical music playing was all Leon could hear for awhile, eventually letting out an anxious sigh before beginning to talk. "So... a painter, huh..?"

"Oh yeah, I've been doing this since I was little. Obviously I wasn't that good back then, but I really improved after high school." You immediately responded, voice a little louder than his. Clearly the topic excites you. "If you want, I can hand you one of my other sketchbooks to look at while I do my thing over here?"

Leon patted his hands against the arms of the chair before nodding to the side, pursing his lips slightly. "Mm, sure. Let's see what ya got.."

As soon as he agreed, you stood up and shuffled over to the corner of the room where some desks sat arranged in a makeshift cubicle. You opened a drawer and pulled out a couple sketchbooks, still as raggedy as the one you were using now.

Walking back over, you carefully handed them to him, which he slowly took after meeting your eyes for a brief moment.

Once you made your way back to your chair, he placed both sketchbooks into his lap, opening up the one on top first. The man flipped through them silently as you began to sketch him out again.

You'd zoned into your work, adding just a bit of shading to your sketches to help emphasis some features when Leon cleared his throat again. You leaned to the side to look at him, your smile quickly returning when you saw his baffled expression.

"These are... wow, okay, how old are you?" Leon asked, head jerking upwards to meet your gaze once more. You just giggled in response, using the pencil as a fidget before returning to sketching.

"Sorry-uh, I don't mean to come off as rude or anything, but to be honest, I was expecting you to be some old lady when I saw the portraits you've done." Leon was quick to try and explain, probably misinterpreting your lack of response for unease.

Your giggle turned to a small laugh, leaning to the side once more to look at the man. "Well, I'm glad I could surprise you a bit. Hopefully I don't look old."

Leon groaned and wiped his hand down his face. "Again, sorry. Didn't mean to imply." He shook his head and looked back down at the two sketchbooks sitting in his lap, continuing to flip through them.

It was only a couple hours until you decided you got a good enough feel for drawing his face. Grabbing the sketchbook, you stood up, pencil still in hand, looking down at the sketches you made as you slowly walked over to him.

The man noticed you standing up, quickly moving to close the sketchbooks you'd given him in favor of seeing your new sketches.

"I... I think this'll be enough today. I don't want to keep you too long." You said, handing him the sketchbook. Leon took it from you, careful not to smudge anything as he finally got to see what you've been doing for the past two hours.

He furrowed his eyebrows as he studied the sketches you'd made of his face, seeing all the different angles, even the smile, how'd you get his smile?

You seemed to grow nervous the longer he stared at your sketchbook in silence, his intense look making it seem as if he didn't really like them. "Are they... Are they okay?"

Leon jostled the sketchbook a bit in his hands before standing up, now towering over you as he kept his eyes on the paper. "Just okay? These are beyond amazing."

You let out a small breath you didn't notice you were holding, heat rushing to your cheeks as you smiled at his compliment. "Oh, thank you.. I'm sorry, normally sketches don't take this long but it was stressed to me that your portrait was very important so I wanted to get everything as perfect as I could.."

"Seriously, you're a mad woman if you think these wouldn't be good." Leon chuckled, handing the sketchbook back to you. He kept his eyes trained on you, even after you turned to look down and close the sketchbook. Only a fool would miss that blush on your cheeks, it looked good on you.

"Anyways, when should I come back for the next.. uh..." Leon paused, crossing his arms loosely as he struggled to think of the word.

Luckily, you finished the sentence for him. "Session. Again, this painting's importance was stressed to me a lot, so probably the next time you're available?" You talked while you shifted the small table back to where it had originally sat under one of the numerous windows, tossing the sketchbook down on the chair cushion.

"Alright, since it's importance has now been stressed to me as well, I can probably clear up some stuff in my schedule. How's tomorrow sound?" Obviously, Leon had a completely free schedule, but you didn't need to know that.

"Tomorrow works great! The sooner the better!" You laughed, placing a gentle hand on his bicep as you walked past him to grab a sticky note. "I'll give you my personal number, just let me know when you're thinking of coming over and I'll meet you here, okay?"

Leon looked at your number before pocketing the note, nodding his head with a smile of his own. "Sounds good. Same way out?" He pointed to the door that you brought him in through, bending down to pick up his motorcycle helmet right after.

You confirmed with a thumbs up, now drinking water from your water bottle as you'd forgotten too while focused on drawing. You felt bad for not offering him any water while he was here, but you won't forget next time.

The man gave you a curt wave before leaving the room, quietly shutting the door behind himself.

You had to admit, you've worked with a very small handful of agents since it takes a lot for them to earn their own portrait, but Leon Kennedy had to be the one of the most handsome men you've ever worked with. Maybe even one of the most handsome men you've ever seen.

Lucky you pay attention to detail, cause you definitely didn't see a ring on his finger.

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snghnlvr · 6 months

Text

[2] 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐞. / park sunghoon

park sunghoon x fem reader!

synopsis : you’re in a crisis whether or not to avoid sunghoon forever after your indirect confession backfired, however sunghoon wants to know why you’re ignoring him. you realized that you can’t avoid him for the rest of your life.

here’s part one of take a chance with me!

includes : 2.1k words | cursing | jake and yunjin makes an appearance!! | angst to comfort to fluff !! | happy ending :3

extra : i didn’t expect so much love part one received T-T thank you so much for supporting it <3 | yn is me when i deal with a messy situation :// | sunghoon is touchy?? | both of them are a blushing mess lol | KISSING | i’m sorry if part two isn’t up to your expectations T-T

likes, comments, and reposts are very much appreciated <3

[below the cut]

“you like sunghoon!?” your best friend, yunjin shrieked. her eyes were wide and her mouth opened, leaning back in shock as both of you are sitting in your bed.

you nodded disappointedly, holding a pillow on your lap.

after what happened last week, you decided to share the news to your best friend, yunjin because one, you needed to rant to someone and two, you’re comfortable around her as she’s open minded with a lot of things - especially with boys.

“you mean, the park sunghoon?” she emphasized each other, leaning closer to you with each other and scanning you as if you’re lying.

you nodded once again. “alright yunjin, share it with the whole world!” you rolled your eyes with her as yunjin leaned back again, nibbling her lip. she was thinking of something to solve the situation you’re dealing with because heck she didn’t know how to fix this one.

“argh!” you groaned, laying down in your bed as you covered yourself in your fluffy blanket. you closed your eyes for a few seconds, trying to collect yourself and not rethink about last week.

yunjin just stared at you, eyes wandering all over your room. “well,” she started.

“sunghoon doesn’t know that it was you sending letters.”

you removed the blanket from your face, pouting at yunjin because she does have a point.

“but he said that he hates people sending him letters!” you shouted, once again putting the blanket over your head.

yunjin believes that you’re acting like a little girl. and you would think yourself too.

“but he doesn’t know that it’s you!”

“but he said it himself!”

at this point you kept arguing with yunjin, back and forth, screaming at each other’s faces. there was no solution except talking it out but you’re blushing at the thought of talking to him. you can’t bring yourself to talk to sunghoon, it’s just embarrassing.

[now playing… take a chance with me by NIKI]

in the end, we only regret the chances we didn’t take.

you looked out the window as it’s a free period from your class schedule. it was cleaning period so all of your classmates are all over the place. you leaned down with your arms planted down on the window. your eyes were scattering at the outside view from your building.

the faded music from your classroom that was played from your classmates, did not help you in moving on from park sunghoon, if anything it made yoh regret everything, even your rejected letters.

your eyes were following each snowflake in a way to stay awake. your tired eyes were starting to shut off due to your classes that were stressing you out. you were also mentally drained from thinking about sunghoon and what to do.

do you continue being friends with him after he indirectly broke your heart or just flatly avoid him like a coward you are? both of them doesn’t solve anything.

you heard sudden screaming from down the hall. your eyes shifted from the view to whatever commotion was happening. it was getting crowded by girls so you didn’t know that was happening.

you kept peeking at whatever was happening. you were curious of it.

your heart paused when you caught a glimpse of sunghoon.

after the news spread like rapid fire that sunghoon won #1st place in his competition, sunghoon’s popularity rose. girls started to like him more and people wanted to be friends with him. it worsen your chances of liking sunghoon.

you noticed sunghoon’s cheek dimples when girls started mini conversations with him especially complimenting him and giving him gifts as a way to congratulate him in getting #1st place.

you smiled at the sight, feeling bitter as the feelings you felt last week were reoccurring. you miss that smile of his.

maybe it is time to move on.

as you were standing up, grabbing the broom next to you to sweep up the dust on the floor, sunghoon finally noticed you.

he’s been wanting to talk to you, heck, even see you but you weren’t in his sight. even when in class, usually you would try to steal glances (yes sunghoon knew about it but didn’t say anything) across the room but now, you just focused on the work in front of you. not even sparing a glance at him.

he observed you, assuming, are you ignoring me? he even pouted when you just left class, walking past him when his eyes were planted to yours, trying to make you look at him.

and now he has this opportunity in front of him. you weren’t busy nor occupied with someone. he quickly apologized to the girls, saying that he has somewhere to go.

he tried to leave the scene, making sure he isn’t pushing anyone and tries to jog towards you with your back faced towards him.

“y/n!”

you froze, recognizing the voice that was calling to you.

you turned around like a deer caught in headlights. you saw sunghoon breathing heavily, “hey..” he smiled upon looking at you.

you didn’t smile back, as you were shocked. you never expected a situation like this, not in public.

so you ran. you ran away away from him like the freak you are.

sunghoon was confused, standing still for a few seconds before his body moved to his own accord. he started chase after you. he was right about his assumption,

you were avoiding him.

that drove him motivation to more to run after you.

sunghoon noticed that you would walk the other direction if he approached you or look away if spared a glance at you. he wanted to know why. he wanted to know what’s wrong even if he didn’t do anything.

you didn’t know why your tears started falling after you made eye contact with sunghoon. your past emotions were resurfacing and you didn’t want to see sunghoon witness your pathetic side.

you wanted to run away and hide from sunghoon.

you didn’t know where you were going.

your legs soon gave up and you ended up in the school’s backyard. you were by yourself which was a good thing because no one will have to see you cry.

you were shivering like crazy because yeah, you just ran away towards outside when it’s snowing and you have nothing but a skirt (your school had heaters so you don’t feel cold once you enter) and a cardigan.

so smart y/n…

you were panting like crazy as if you ran 8 miles. you placed a hand on the wall to catch your breath.

“y/n..” a voice trailed behind you, also panting.

fucking park, did you follow me?

you turned around to see sunghoon with his messy hair and his messed up uniform. you noticed that he had a messy collar from running. you know you can’t run away from this situation.

“why..” you muttered at him with glossy eyes. you were undoubtedly confused as to why he followed you.

sunghoon slowly walked towards you and you noticed that he was holding his long coat in his arms. you looked back at him with hurt visible on his expression.

“why are you avoiding me?”

you were at a loss of words at the sudden confrontation. your heart was beating like crazy and you curse at yourself as to why you can’t form a single sentence. geez you might believe that sunghoon probably hates you.

“um..” come on y/n think!

sunghoon was staring at you, expecting a response but as he saw you shivering like a dog, he approached to you with his coat. he stood in front of you which didn’t help yourself form words.

he wrapped it around your body, sending electric shocks in your body from his fingers touching your shoulders. you slowly looked up at sunghoon as he made sure to cover every inch of your body with his coat, even if it’s touching the floor.

“whatever i did,” sunghoon was fixing the collar as you kept staring at him with a sad smile. “i’m sorry.” he finally looked at you. your eyes started to swell up with tears like a crybaby.

you looked down so sunghoon wouldn’t see your tears falling. “you don’t understand,” you whispered. “you hate people like me.” you swore that your voice cracked.

sunghoon tilted his head at that assumption. “who told you that?” he tried lowering his head to look at you. “i would never hate you.” he softly said, hands slowly placed onto your shoulders, gently massaging them to ease you.

“whoever said that is a bitch.” you chuckled at sunghoon’s words. how ironic.

“i guess you’re a bitch.” you looked up to him with a slight, amused smile. his eyebrows quirked at your words. you looked at him and noticed the snowflakes on his hair. you wanted to remove them but you held back.

“what do you mean? have i said anything?” you can hear the genuineness in his tone. you can’t be mad at him forever, it’s not even his fault.

“those love letters,” you decided to just spill it out. “do you why they’re gone? why you’re not receiving them?” you didn’t expect a response. “because they were from me sunghoon. i wrote the letters to you.”

now it was sunghoon’s turn to be frozen. his hands stopped massaging you, his lips puffed out air in shock, and his eyes are slightly wide. you couldn’t handle his stare so you sniffled, looking down.

you expected a disgusted look from sunghoon and let him reject you. what you didn’t expect is that, it didn’t happen. your imagination became false when you felt his lips onto yours.

you felt like time stopped. your eyes were wide in shock and your body became still. you felt sunghoon’s fingers slowly reach your waist, digging into them to be closer to you.

his eyes were close and his lips were slowly moving, hesitant to continue. your eyes were slowly closing as you realized that sunghoon is indeed kissing you.

you can hear your rapid heartbeat echoing in your head and you stopped crying. you can imagine yourself a blushing mess and your thoughts are all over the place.

the park sunghoon is kissing me.

sunghoon let go (unfortunately) and looked at you while you were processing at what happened. sunghoon saw your cheeks becoming more red but didn’t comment about it. he instead, fixed your hair strands from your face and put them behind your ear. he noticed a snowflake falling onto your nose. he wanted to kiss it but he controlled himself.

“i’m sorry. i didn’t know it were yours.” sunghoon’s hand slowly reached to the side of your face, his thumb staying at your tear stained cheek as he gently rubbed your skin. you leaned towards his soft touch. “fuck y/n i really am sorry.” he apologized once again, feeling utterly terrible.

“i only said that because i like you. i only said that bullshit because i’m in love with you, not anyone else. i didn’t want anyone else but you.” you were at a loss of words.

“i like the way you help others before yourself, how passionate you look like talking about the things you like, how you look so focused on the classes i don’t even like, the cookies you baked for the class, i liked them. i liked every bite of them. i like your eyes, your hair, your voice-” your eyes dilated at the sudden confession sunghoon is making about you as he starts looking at the ground because he can’t look at you in the eyes when he’s confessing his love for you.

“shit i-i didn’t know it was yours, i didn’t mean to hurt you last week-“ sunghoon was rambling whatever what was coming on top of his head. he wanted to ramble to show how regretful he is.

“hey,” you softly spoke, catching sunghoon’s attention. he looked at you with sadness and disappointment, especially in himself. he doesn’t deserve a girl like you. you just smiled at him as he was wondering why you aren’t punching him in the face.

well, you did call him a bitch…

“you didn’t know it was from me, it’s only natural to react like that. i became an idiot and didn’t talk to you about the letters, i was just a coward because i was scared to be rejected by you.” you chuckled at yourself, shivering at the cold despite being covered by sunghoon’s coat.

sunghoon noticed and pulled the coat tighter on you. he even buttoned you up so the snow won’t touch your clothes. you can’t help but feel warm on the inside. “yeah an idiot for running without a jacket.” he replied, pouting at your stubbornness.

“i’m assuming that you threw them away?” you asked sunghoon as he guilty looked away. you weren’t mad at him, for he didn’t know. “i’ll start writing them again.” you said confidently. you didn’t know where your boldness was coming from.

sunghoon looked at you with sparks on his eyes. “but on one condition.” you suddenly said, using your index finger.

“mhm go on i’m listening.” sunghoon stared at you with a loving gaze and his hands wrapped around your waist and you suddenly can’t speak.

is this his way of flirting?

abruptly, you stood on your tippy toes and pecked his lips. sunghoon was caught off guard when he felt your lips on him. you looked at him innocently when his lips were ajar. you smiled cheekily at him.

“shit y/n,” he pressed his chest with his palm. “you can’t do stuff like that.” he pouted and you can’t help but giggle at the sight you’re seeing.

“like what?”

sunghoon leaned down towards you. “two can play that game.” you saw sunghoon smirked as he whispered to you, feeling his warm breath onto your skin.

you were about to ask him what he meant but he beat you to it when both of his hands cupped your face, making your cheeks squished. he smiled at the sight before kissing you once again and the warm feeling inside of you happens once again. both of you felt it.

the feeling, it felt so right. your lips felt perfect onto his. you smiled against the kiss and sunghoon felt it. he smiled into the kiss as well. he tilted his head to the side, kissing you deeper. you couldn’t breathe both literally and figuratively.

both of you stopped, panting for air. both of you leaned away but sunghoon still cupped your cheeks because he wanted to be close to you. both of you were a blushing mess but kept quiet about it as you kept smiling towards each other, never wanting this to end. you both leaned your foreheads together, being silent but staring into each other’s eyes.

“what the fuck.”

sunghoon turned around and saw jake. you squinted your eyes from afar and saw yunjin staring. the two of them stared at the both of you with a stunned expression.

can’t wait to explain this one.

thank you for reading ! <3

@yizhoutv

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