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softspeirs · 1 month

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These Heartbeats Clear (5): Rosie Rosenthal x OC

A/N: I was in an angsty mood when I wrote this. I don't know why -- but have no fear. This is the Happy Ending Factory, after all.

Five. Hearts on Sleeves.

The conversation at the officer’s mess over breakfast is all about word that’s finally come back from somewhere in Germany via the girls in the Red Cross hut about many of the guys from The 100th.

It had well and truly broken Grace's heart to hear that so many of their best pilots and crew members were imprisoned, but at least they were alive.

For the crews, it reinvigorates their will to keep fighting.

Major Rosenthal has never needed more reasons to keep up the fight, but even he feels an extra sense of responsibility knowing that winning the war is what it'll take for their friends to come home.

He hasn't seen Grace in almost a week. First, she was ill, and while he wanted to come visit her, he had two missions around the same time, and since she's recovered, she's been so busy at the hospital that neither of them have had a chance to see the other.

He stopped pretending a long time ago that he didn't have feelings for her that went beyond friendship, beyond the bond between comrades. He feels it especially in her absence, a weight that's settled in between his ribs; an ache that he can't soothe on his own.

It's terrifying -- for one, while he thinks and hopes that she feels even a fraction of the way he does, he doesn't know for sure, and he sure as hell isn't going to jeopardize what they do have.

One of the newer crews took heavy fire on their last mission, and while no one was killed, three of the crew were seriously wounded. Rosie makes a point to check on the newest guys and try to keep their spirits up. He hopes he'll have a chance to check on Grace too, but he suspects she's had her hands full.

The hospital is quiet when he arrives. Late afternoon light streams through the windows, the golden beams casting everything in an ethereal glow. Most men are asleep, aside from one or two reading, writing letters home, or having quiet conversation.

Grace stops short when she sees him enter - she wonders if he realizes how much space he takes up. Not just because of his height, but the way he carries himself. He dominates every room he comes into, even though Grace is sure he'd be mortified if she ever pointed it out to him.

His face softens in a smile when his gaze lands on her, and Grace has to fight herself not to break out into a grin right back. She has been told by a few people that she and Rosie are not subtle, but she doesn't really care anymore. After everything they've lost, as long as it doesn't cost her her job, she's going to take what little happiness she can hang on to for as long as she can.

"Afternoon, Major." She says, her body swaying toward him almost without her control. He still has that soft, soft look on his face. It makes something in her gut tighten.

"I heard congratulations are in order, Captain."

She waves a hand dismissively. "You know I don't care about any of that."

"Still worth celebrating. If you're free...?" He looks incredibly boyish in the moment. She feels so fond of him she almost can't stand it.

"My shift is done in an hour."

He digs into his inside pocket and pulls out a battered paperback. "I can wait. If that's okay."

She nods, and when he gets settled in a chair near the nurse's station, she busies herself finishing up her tasks as quickly as possible. She knows she's not imagining it when she feels his eyes on her more often than not.

Rosie reads the same paragraph four times until he gives up entirely. He just feels so relaxed when he's with Grace - he wants to bask in it a little while before real life comes crashing back down at the first sign of a red light flicking on or a siren starts wailing.

He can tell she's noticed by the way she fidgets like she does when there's attention on her. It makes him smile, but he tries to bite it back. He's content to just observe her, and if she notices, well, then she notices.

It's not long before she gathers her jacket and small handbag and comes to collect him. "Ready?" She asks, and he nods, following her out at a respectable, yet still close distance. "Where to?" She asks, though she mostly already knows.

"Thought we could swing by the mess and get something wrapped up if that's alright."

She nods, and they walk the next few minutes in comfortable silence, the late afternoon sun warm on their backs. He holds the door for her when they arrive, and they're not surprised to find the place mostly empty.

He nods at Jack Kidd when they pass the table, a steaming cup of coffee in front of the Air Exec who looks like he hasn't slept in days. Grace frowns, and stops for a moment.

"Major," she says, and her tone is a warning and an accusation all wrapped up in one word.

"I'm eating early today so I can get some shut-eye, Grace." He says, and she nods in satisfaction. "The last time you yelled at me was enough."

"I didn't yell-"

"No, but you wanted to." He says, eyebrow raised in challenge.

"Eat your supper, Major Kidd. Then off to bed."

"Yes ma'am." He smiles around his fork, shaking his head. Rosie watches on in amusement.

"Duty never ends," Grace says, sighing with a chuckle.

"I think you like being a mother hen." Rosie counters, both of them picking up a tray from the long table at the end of the hall.

"Not all the time. I wish some of these grown men would learn how to take care of themselves."

Rosie puts his hands up as if to say I'm innocent, and Grace laughs. Together, they gather up their meals, and sweet-talk the kitchen staff into providing a couple paper bags to haul their loot in. Once packed up, Rosie leads her towards the hardstand where they often find themselves this time of day.

His plane is a beauty during golden hour. Looking over at Grace, he thinks the same thing of her.

"Are you feeling better?" He asks around a mouthful of a sandwich.

She makes a face at him talking with food in his mouth, but nods. "Much. I needed the sleep, even if it came with a cough and a three-day headache."

Rosie hums in sympathy. "And then you were right back in it."

She nods. "The three new crews - had a rough go of it. But you already know about that." She swallows heavily. "The fighting is getting worse. They know something big is coming." She pauses, meeting Rosie's eyes. "How are you holding up?"

He shrugs, shaking his head with a nonchalant look. "I'm fine."

Grace narrows her eyes. "You're fine." She repeats, flat.

"I mean-- yeah. Yes. The invasion will be soon, that's no secret. We're all just waiting to find out when it is."

"And you don't have any kind of..."

"What, doubts?" He interrupts. His tone is sharp in a way she has rarely heard it, maybe only for when he first got back from Coombe House. "I don't... no. I don't have doubts."

"That's not how I meant it, I know you don't doubt yourself or your crew. I just meant... you're not nervous at all? This could be-- this could be massive."

"It will be massive. The biggest mission any of us have flown." He set down his food a long time ago - the wrapper fluttering gently in the breeze between them. An awkward silence settles between them and Rosie hates it. Hates that he can't tell what she's thinking, what she's really trying to ask him.

"And you're not..." Grace gestures vaguely. "I just-- I know you're the best, Rosie." He has to stop himself from reacting at her easily-given praise, her words meaning more to him than she realizes. "I just worry that you keep everything so close to the vest. I worry it's going to come out when you're not expecting it."

"You think I'm going to crack?" His voice is incredulous. He knows this isn't personal. This is Grace, who cares about him, who, at this point in his life and in these circumstances, knows him better than just about anyone else. But it feels like an accusation.

And the way he's felt this last week without her company, without her steady presence... it starts to feel like the distance between them has been intentional, and that hurts.

"No!" She's quick to rebut. "You're getting me all wrong." Her eyes are pleading, but they're frustrated too. "I just-- you reupped without a thought--" he tries to interrupt, but she stops him. "No, I know you thought about it, obviously, I just mean that you did it so quickly, and I just want you to be honest about how you're feeling about it all. You've been here over a year now, Rosie. I can't be imagining the toll that can take."

"I'm doing my job. I just-- I have to lead them, Grace. There's no time for-- for processing any of it." He knows his tone is bordering on irritated, and he tries to tamp it down.

He thinks of the Doctor at the flak house. The one who couldn't understand why Rosie was so annoyed at the prospect of playing croquet for five days when he should have been back in the seat. He never thought that he'd be having an extremely similar conversation with Grace of all people.

"But you won't even be honest with me!" She protests, scooting closer until their knees touch. "And if you won't talk to me, I know you're not talking to anyone else who can help. Which makes me think you're just keeping everything you feel inside. It's not sustainable."

Their proximity makes his head feel fuzzy, like it always does, but he shakes his head, still frustrated at the turn their conversation has taken. "I'm fine, Grace. I'll say it a hundred times if that's what it's going to take to get you to believe me. There's no point in reliving my missions or-- or trying to think back on stuff from months ago. I already do that in interrogation, and that's enough." He can hear his accent thickening with irritation, and he hates himself for directing it at her, even if he's not looking her in the eyes as he speaks.

Her hand on the side of his face startles him. His ice blue gaze meets her dark eyes, and he could lose himself here, he knows he could. He feels soothed in an instant. He has a wild urge to tell her with actions what he can't quite get out of his mouth.

"You know why I was sick for a week?" She asks. "I hadn't slept for two nights before I came down with a fever so bad I was dizzy with it. I hadn't been feeling well for days, but had pushed myself because I thought of everyone else besides myself. Finally my body made me listen." She shrugs. "That's why I was worried about Jack, and that's why I worry about you. Because one day you might not be able to keep it in, and you may make a mistake."

His larger hand covers the one still pressed gently to his face. He leans into her touch, incapable of letting the moment pass without appreciating her warmth. "I need you to trust me." He says, words tinged with hurt and irritation. "Please."

"It has nothing to do with trust." She says. Tone mild, but he can read the flicker of annoyance in her features that they're not seeing eye-to-eye on this. Her hand falls away from his face. Right away he feels bereft.

"Grace--" He tries, but he can see the moment has passed.

She stands, brushing off her jumpsuit. "I'm not angry with you and I hope you're not angry with me." Her smile is sad, and it makes him want to reach for her, to pull her back down and go back to two hours ago when she had been so close he could smell the clean, sharp scent of her shampoo and see the flecks of color in her eyes. "A long time ago I told you if one day you didn't come back, it would well and truly break my heart, Major Rosenthal." She shrugs. "I meant it then, and I can't even begin to tell you now how I would--" She stops, inhaling a shaky breath. "I just want you to look after yourself. I know how smart, how capable, how talented you are. But so were Majors Egan and Cleven, and look where they ended up. I can't bear the thought of you in a place like that, or worse."

"I'm not going to go down."

"You don't know that for sure. I just want you to be safe. And that means up here too." He looks up at her, head at knee level, as she reaches down and taps his forehead gently, alluding to trying to keep his mind healthy. "I'll see you tomorrow."

He's speechless as he watches her leave him. He doesn't think, aside from his parents and sister, that he's ever had someone care about him the way Grace does. It scares him, and it makes him defensive, because he knows deep down she's right.

He won't ever agree with her that he needs to bare his soul to her or another doctor or anyone else about what he's seen and what he's survived, but he does know that when he's up the air, she's down here, waiting and powerless to do anything to help him.

On the ground, all she can do is make sure he's in fighting shape, and - he thinks of her touch to his forehead - he wants to go after her. He wants to catch up to her, pull her into his arms, and tell her that he's confident he'll come back every time because there's just no universe in which he leaves her behind. It's been true for a long time, but she should know it.

He wants her to know it.

Instead, he lets her go. Resolves to let them both cool off, find her tomorrow, and make sure she knows he understands. They've been dancing around each other for so long that he knows he owes her that bit of honesty at least.

It's time he makes her some promises, if she'll still hear them.

#softspeirs mota fanfiction #rosie rosenthal x oc #rosie x grace #oc: grace fleming #masters of the air fanfiction #mota fanfiction #mota fanfic #masters of the air fanfic

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lovesthecure · 1 year

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God, I'm stressed.

The puppy we're trying to get might've been a scam? His mother is the one in touch with them, and she hasn't updated us since last night. They kept piling on more costs, the puppy itself was only supposed to be 600. After promising us he'd be here soon, they keep piling on more...? Feels fishy as shit. I hope it isn't.

My step dad decided to go get laid, and not update me. No "okay, I'm leaving now" or anything. Ghosted me for an entire day, and then told me to somehow cook dinner faster. We had to clear out of the living area by the time he was done showering after he got home. Ignored my messages about needing soap and groceries. Didn't even feed or walk the dog.

I'm having dreams about my egg donor again. They say that when you dream of someone, it means they're thinking about you. I'd rather she didn't.

There's a potential client who just isn't getting back to me. I'm trying to not be pushy, but if I should save a slot for them... I kind of need to know that. Is that 80$ I should budget into things, or not?

I think "the ps5 incident" genuinely left something on top of the Christmas Trauma Pile. I keep sitting here convinced he's going to ignore the list to get something for himself again. My whole childhood I was bad at wanting things, and now that I finally want things: he ignores it for something he wanted. Ignores it for that. Maybe I just have a low opinion of the man, but I don't put it past him to do two years in a row.

His cat allergies didn't react to his crush's longhair cats. I doubt he even has the allergies--he spent a week with my grandparent's shorthairs with no trouble at all. Either way, apparently I can get a kitten now. It just has to be a longhair. He's not that conspiratorial, but I keep wondering if that's somehow a trap. Like he knows the grooming costs would be too high, aside from me grooming the cat myself. He's not that smart though. He just knows he's run out of excuses to say I can't have a cat, and can't be bothered to just say "no."

We can't move out fast enough, it feels. Then it's not his decision.

I have to sit at a table and play DND with him next week. I have to not complain and just keep playing. I'm glad his character is so interested in other characters that aren't mine. It means I can focus elsewhere too.

I hate that I can't complain. I have to sit there, complacent. I'm a doll waiting to have the string pulled, to go "it's fine," and be set back on the shelf. Maybe I'd feel less like that if he even attempted to put time into me. He couldn't even watch episode 1 of a show with me. He doesn't invite me on streams anymore. As much as I wouldn't want to be there anyway, it stings a little. My usefulness has been outlived.

But not really. He can feel like he "provides" for me. My mother-in-law worries all the time that he drinks more out of stress. That maybe he's stressed caring for my husband and I. Maybe if I had the energy I'd tell her how much he actively impedes me making progress as an adult. Either on purpose, accidentally, or sub-consciously. I'm 21. I don't even have an ID to bring to a restaurant to prove it. With no car or stable income of my own... I have to rely on him. What a fucking joke that is.

He's been neglecting me to some level since 16, but hey. At least he doesn't do half the shit my egg donor or grandmother did, huh?

Once the basement is done, my mother-in-law is letting us move in there. It'd be impossible to get a place of our own, even if my husband and I both worked full-time. Manageable rent from her, as she helps us get off our feet. I'm terrified. Almost as scared as I'd been waiting 2 ~ 3 years for my step father to update me on if I was even going to see a doctor or not for numerous health issues plaguing me. Almost.

It's just slightly easier.

At least it means things will go somewhere.

At least there, I will not stagnate the way I've been forced to here.

I feel kind of like a prisoner.

#vent #might delete later

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dzpenumbra · 1 year

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2/13/23

I chickened out on streaming again tonight. It's been like a week now. I know I've had some delays, but like... I just haven't even gotten myself to open up OBS. I don't even know why. Maybe because it feels like it's gonna be work. Like it's not gonna be hanging out with chill people, it's going to be babysitting and timing people out and banning people. So... I just went another route tonight.

I decided to test out some finishes for beads tonight. I have a ton of wooden beads and I'd like to hand-paint them (brush or paint pen, whatever) individually and make necklaces and bracelets from them. It's not too hard to do, and they're nice small projects so I can do them pretty quickly. even if they have a lot of detail. So... I made a pizza and started prepping 4 beads with this gloss finish I got from Michael's. I wasn't sure what to expect with this stuff, it's called Dragonfly Glaze, it's labeled as a "color-changing top coat".

After about 7 coats of this shit on raw wood, white, blue and black painted beads... I'm pretty convinced this stuff is basically just glitter glue. But like... super microfine glitter. Here, I'll quote the bottle so you can see what I was expecting, "Premium, color-shifting top coat with a glossy iridescent finish. Use over light and dark base colors to create multi-color shifting effect." So I was expecting something... opalescent or pearlescent? You know? Like an oil slick effect or something? But... it's basically tiny specks of full-spectrum colored glitter. I guess. I want to be happy with it, but I just feel a bit disappointed. It was an impulse buy... but like... ugh. I was really looking forward to how cool that would've been. Like that whole super glossy iridescent look on black beads would be pretty cool, especially with designs painted on under the iridescent top coat. But I was expecting it to be more of a smooth uniform iridescence, not little flecks of it scattered around. And there are like... not a lot. Like I said, I did like 7 coats of that stuff and it looks decent but it looks like what I would have expected maaaaybe 3 coats to look like. The only fix for this I found online was someone advocating adding in more larger glitter medium. So... yeah.

So... if I want to get that effect, I have the glaze for it. That's good. I'm sure I'll find a use for it. But that kinda took the wind out of my sails and was a big part of my night because I had to wait for the coats to dry in-between applications.

After that, I just fired up Rimworld by myself. It's still running. I'm excusing it by calling this a "test run", to test a scenario that isn't really working as expected. But really, I'm kinda just avoiding streaming. And I shouldn't. I guess I'm anxious.

I guess it's because people always ask a lot of prying questions. I've been gone a long time. And I do struggle to balance what level of personal I want to get on stream. On stream, I like to be more of a presenter, and keep a bit of a barrier there. So it gets a little weird when people ask really personal questions as though I'm a friend of theirs on social media or something, either personal questions about myself or advice for themselves. It's tough to really know where to set that boundary, especially when there is potentially going to be money changing hands, you know? If it were a private art lesson or something, that'd be different. I don't know. But like... it just puts me on the spot when people go "wow you've been gone a long time, where'd you go?" And I just, in my head, go, "yeah, my dog died, then some weirdo seduced me to try to dispose of farm animal body parts, then my only friend was a jerk to me and peaced out, then my brother flipped out on me for trying to bond with him and hasn't spoken to me since, then I had to show my landlords that there was a big hole in the wall and structural damage to their house because of water damage from shitty design and that I didn't tell them because I kept having massive panic attacks that they'd evict me because I have PTSD... and pray they didn't take me to court, then I moved alone 2.5 hours away to a place where I know no one and had to throw out a bunch of sentimental shit, then my car broke down due to neglect from being a shut-in and the dealership conned me into a rental car knowing full-well that they don't make parts for my car anymore and won't be able to repair it and now I've been renting this car for 4 months and the brakes are starting to creak on it... and then my cat died, and all the while my mom was targeting all of her tremendous amount of stress on me. So... I didn't really feel comfortable streaming, because I'm super emotional and I didn't really feel like having someone say something not knowing what I'm going through and have me just bawl uncontrollably or have a panic attack or something." It's hard to sum that up succinctly and discretely, and it's honestly none of my viewers' business.

I would like to talk openly about my struggles, because others might be going through similar and maybe it could be a way for me to help others, for us to heal together. But a lot of my pains and struggles are... byproducts of the suffering of others, the struggles of others. And I don't often feel right speaking about the difficulties others are having, because I don't really have the ability to fairly represent the entire picture, and I don't really feel it's mine to speak about. So, on here at least, I try to keep it to speaking about how those things affect me. But... yeah, it's a tricky line to skirt. And honestly, I just don't know where I stand on it.

Well... that took an unexpected turn...

Hey, good news, I did art stuff today, I'm happy with that. The idea came from the mala (prayer beads) I wear every day, that I got in 2007 and never really wore, they got shoved in a drawer and I dug up, cleaned off and started wearing them earlier this year. From my understanding, they are practically intended to serve as counters, like an abacus, for repetitions of prayers or mantras. So you hold the mala in your hands and you can just say the mantra and then shift to the next bead, and when you get to the tassel, you know you've hit the magic number. But... mine doesn't have a tassel. I cut it off when I was younger, I didn't like it. It was gold, I thought it was too gaudy and ornate, I didn't like it. So, today I took some leftover black and brown hemp twine from the necklace I made and made a new minimalist tassel, attached it and tied it off with white twine. Now I can actually use these beads for their practical purpose, when I choose to. BUT. There are a lot of beads on it... so... I was hoping to make a smaller mala, like a bracelet, to sorta... get acclimated with mantra meditation. Rather than diving straight into the big leagues, because I guarantee this necklace has over 100 beads, and I just wanna be realistic here... XD

So yeah, though the glaze isn't exactly what I was expecting, it's good to have options and it was good to open the door for the beads, so now I can just do that whenever I have the urge, knowing it's not too demanding and good work to be doing. And the iridescent stuff was reminding me that I still have opal to cut, so I really hope to devote some time to that in the near future, it's sitting right there on the floor and it just needs me to give it some time and attention.

It got late, so I'm going to head to bed. Goodnight.

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of consciousness #stream of thoughts

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djparticle · 1 year

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Covid Finally Came For Me...

So this pandemic has been ongoing now in the USA for almost 3 years (though granted, nowhere near as bad as it used to be) and this past week, my luck finally ran out. Maybe it was due to the table of coughing Trumpie boomers we were seated near at the 50s Grill last Friday, maybe it was the packed crowd at the Mall of America the day after, but regardless, I'm now among the number of total Covid cases. As for my personal experience with the pandemic first-hand, like I said, I figured I caught it last weekend, but I didn't KNOW it was Covid until I tested myself Wednesday morning... the scratchy throat came first (Sun), then the coughing (Mon), then the chills and runny nose (Tue). At that point, I realized that, aside from the coughing/sore throat and runny nose, the rest of my symptoms were similar to my reactions to the vaccines. The more I thought about it, the more realization set in that it could be Covid. The test simply proved that it was. But in a way, I guess I had the luck of Nagito, because I seem to be recovering rather quickly. Thanks to 5 jabs (the most recent one being the new formula that tackles Omicron), my symptoms got no worse than those I get with the common colds. I didn't have to cancel a stream nor take any sick days from work (my job became mostly work-from-home in the Spring of 2020, and stayed that way ever since, so it's not like I took Covid to "the office"). As I type this, I'm already feeling about 95% recovered. The runny nose is gone, the cough is down to maybe 1 cough every couple hours (or even less). I never had any of the major symptoms-- never had shortness of breath, never had chest pains, never lost sense of taste or smell. And frankly, it's good that this happened *now*. I should be fine for my upcoming 11-day weekend, and with Covid transmission being low overall compared to last year, it hasn't been mutating much. There hasn't been a new full variant in over a year, just subvariants of Omicron that aren't different enough to fully evade the updated vaccine. And of course, since my partner and I live together, she got it too, and it's hitting her harder than it did me, but not too much harder. Hard enough to need Paxlovid, but not hard enough to even threaten to hospitalize her, and she's also slowly on the mend. Just her cough is a bit more persistent. Main takeaway from this is: We'll both be fine. I don't see any reason for either of us to worry about Long Covid, and by having had the current strain, that's all the more our antibodies are fortified for a future fight, assuming a new main variant doesn't appear. So that's been my first-person experience with Covid. Overall, I'm weathering it a lot better than I thought I would, but still, I'd rather not see the like of it again. 🤣

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imagine--if · 2 years

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this might have been done before but just imagine the reader getting married to eddie and how he’d react to them walking down the isle to ave maria 🥺🥺i feel like he’d cry like a baby fr

A/N: Uh, this hasn't been done before, and I'm So ReAdY tO dO iT!!! I friggin love this idea 🥰 enjoy! Come join my taglist! And what the hell, look at his face in this gif, he's so happy I can't-

Pairing: Dano!Riddler x reader (The Batman 2022)

Warnings: Mentions of Riddler's followers, partner in crime kinda reader, love love love fluff fluff fluff 😍

Words: 711

“Ave Mari-i-a…”

The church is closed off to the public, several police cars stationed outside the entrance, ready to hear a gunshot or explosion or anything that can arrest you for. But they can't. You'd planned this, you and Eddie, weeks ago. The GCPD couldn't do anything about it, The Batman couldn't do anything about it...

Not on your wedding day.

The building was pretty much full of the Riddler’s followers, a small group of them near the entrance, staring down the cops with warning glares should they dare attempt anything. They admire and support you as much as they do the Riddler himself, ever since Edward had pulled you into his arms in the middle of a stream and introduced your masked self to his audience. And since the waters flooded the city and the two of you had been exposed by the pigs, neither of you have to wear a mask for this. Edward got out with another inmate just a couple of months ago, and, again, the GCPD couldn’t do much about it. They’d only caught him before because he’d willingly let them. But they can’t outsmart the Riddler, or go against his protective supporters. Just for today, they can’t do much. They’ll sure as hell try hard tomorrow, and the day after, but right now, all you need is each other, no strings attached.

You thought you’d be nervous walking down the aisle, where a group of young, admiring volunteers, some orphans like Edward was, sung Ave Maria in the background. Ed stood waiting with wide, hopeful eyes at the end, the familiar white question mark symbol marking an area of his suit, similarly to the followers, some of them choosing to keep the masks on while others spectated with no cover, phones out and filming excitedly from the seats and higher tiers. It couldn’t be a more perfect scene.

“Mari-ia, gratia ple-e-na…”

He almost chokes on his breath when he caught sight of you in your gorgeous dress, angelic in white, noticing his small question mark symbol in glittery green under one eye. So perfect, so pure, so beautiful. All those years as an unloved orphan, thinking he'd be like that for the rest of his life... until you. Edward doesn’t even try to stop the light tears from dribbling down his cheeks as the followers sigh and marvel wistfully, cameras snapping and videos zooming in on you.

You two are ready for this. You have been for a while. The love Edward Nashton, The Riddler, has for you, is absolutely obsessive and genuine. He can’t stand being away from you, hates the very thought of any means of separation, loves every little thing about you. So, one evening, he shakily got down on one knee during a livestream, presenting a lovely silver ring with a green stone in the centre. He must have been saving up for it for months. You’d accepted instantly, because you love him just as much. There’s no one else you’d rather be with, can picture yourself hugging and kissing and loving, apart from your Eddie.

So here you are.

The choir fades out, and Edward smiles widely, blissfully, his eyes fixed on you in a stare of pure adoration.

“You look like a goddess, my love.”

You smile back at him, and a nervous-looking priest clears his throat, avoiding the amused eyes of the followers around him as he reads.

“Dearly beloved…”

Edward and yourself had said your ‘I do’s’ after they had been asked, and finally, the priest concludes, to which Eddie makes a teary noise of happiness and sweeps you up into his arms, pressing his lips to yours in a searing kiss. The followers go wild, cheering and screaming and jumping enthusiastically, camera flashes and clapping filling the church as you break away with matching lovestruck grins.

“You’re mine forever now,” he coos, hugging you tightly. “I’ll love you forever and ever, angel.”

And he pulls away to burst into hyper, hysterical giggles, and you can’t help laughing with him. The followers do too, and soon that’s all that can be heard, as the members of the GCPD give each other uncertain, worried looks. Because now the Riddler has his queen… and god help anyone who interferes.

Taglist:

@wilburrrsworld @philiasoul @darthcringe @felicityofbakerstreet @bloodypantomime @deadlights-darling @tianotfound @mortem-muse @ireadandream @tinyryder @kpopgirlbtssvt @truecobblepot @jessicainhell

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thatfuckingweirdo · 3 years

Text

Up, Up and Away...

Bucky Barnes x Insecure!Female Reader

Summary: Bucky turns soft in the middle of sex, and you're left wondering if you were the cause.

Warnings: Angst, insecurities, erectile dysfunction, tears, self doubt, semi smut, implied smut, and uh, I think that's all?

Authors Notes: This was a fun one to write! It definitely got out of hand and I'm glad I ended it before it got any longer, no pun intended!

This is written for @the-ss-horniest-book-club thank you so much for the prompt! 💙

Word count: 1,298

Hours Earlier

"Oh Bucky… yes… right there…" you moaned, your nails scratching down his back as he fucked you hard, the mattress squeaking under you that only made the sex feel so much better and intimate.

Bucky was panting quietly, a permanent frown in between his eyes. He was so tired from the mission and the stress from the upcoming mission didn't help his mood, there were things on his mind but he wanted to please you before the two of you went to sleep.

The longer he was thrusting, the more tired he was feeling and fuck… he turned soft inside of you. Ashamed, he pulled out and sighed, rolling away from you and bouncing back on his side of the bed. "Sorry doll, good night." He mumbled under his breath, reaching over to turn off the lamp. He was already snoring before you had the chance to say goodnight.

Present time...

The coffee cup in front of you held your interest as you stared into the cup. Was it you? Was Bucky not sexually attracted to you anymore? Did he finally open his eyes and realize just what he could have with someone else? This has never happened before, not in the three years of your relationship. His stamina and sexual appetite has always been really good that sometimes you would need to turn him down because of how sore he made you.

You couldn't make sense of it. The more you thought about it, the more likely it felt like it was your fault. It was also the first time you slept away from each other, it was like two strangers in a bed where in normal circumstances, you would usually be cuddling up to each other in the night. It was strange and you didn't feel good about it.

Bucky soon joined you in the kitchen, pouring his own coffee and sitting down silently opposite you, flipping through the pages of the newspaper. He hasn't said good morning, you realize and it stings. What you weren't aware of was the embarrassment he was feeling from last night. He shouldn't have let the stress and tiredness get to him which caused his boner to deflate mid use. He didn't know how to apologize for such a thing.

The mission coming up was the worst one yet because it was an infiltration of a hydra base, the former bunker in which he was kept and that's why this mission weighed down heavy on his shoulders.

Bucky realized he forgot to say good morning and looked up from his newspaper to find you already starting at him with a sad look in your eyes. He smiled as kindly as he could before clearing his throat and scratching his head. "Mornin' doll."

A little bit of hope sends flutters to your stomach and you shift in your seat before clearing your own throat. "Morning, did you sleep okay?" The atmosphere feels awkward and you hate it. It's never been like this before.

"Yeah- yeah I slept good. Just waiting for this mission to be over and done with." He sighs, gulping down his coffee in one go and standing up to put the dirty cup in the sink.

The morning after the awkward encounter in the kitchen, Bucky left for his week-long mission with a quick kiss to your cheek. You spent most of that time alone and it was probably the most dangerous thing you could have done. All of your insecurities crept back one by one, making you feel like you were the most grossest person on earth. The nights were spent crying and sobbing into his pillow, you would wake up the next morning with headaches and sore eyes.

On the fourth night, there were no more tears left to cry. You did wake up in a bitter mood though, it only improved slightly because an agent had come running in to inform everyone the team was on their way back earlier than expected. Apparently, the mission had been a success. You're glad that nobody was hurt, but you couldn't help the anxious feeling of what would happen with you and Bucky. What would happen to your relationship?

You would soon learn things would remain the same, you still haven't talked about that night and your insecurities were still eating away in your mind. Bucky hasn't initiated sex since, and to be honest it only made you feel worse. You started to wear full pajamas to bed instead of just your sleep shirt and panties because you thought it would make him feel a bit more comfortable around you.

It hurt a lot more when you would notice his bulge in his sweatpants from watching a steamy sex scene in a movie, but not around you. Deciding you couldn't take this anymore, you figured the best thing to do would be to move out of his room and back into your old one. You had to negotiate a hug with Tony for your key back, but it was worth it.

Bucky walked in after his run with Steve to find you throwing your clothes into a duffel bag and tears streaming down your face. Panicked, he closed and locked the door behind him to stop you from walking out before he's had a chance to speak to you.

"Doll? What's going on?" His brows furrow even deeper when you ignore him, and he grabs the duffel bag and throws it over the other side of the room. Thank goodness the window wasn't open.

"I could ask you the same question. It's fine if you're not sexually attracted to me anymore but it's an insult if there's something more going on-"

"Something more? What are you talking about? And who said I wasn't sexually attracted to you? Did that Neil guy say something?" Bucky was feeling angrier by the second. Not at you of course, but he hated people on the outside of your relationship sticking their opinions in your business.

"I'm talking about that night, Bucky. You haven't initiated sex with me since and I know it's something to do with me because I've seen you adjusting yourself from watching a movie!"

"Doll, it's a misunderstanding please let me explain?" He pleads, taking your hands and kissing the back of them before capturing your tears with his thumbs. You nod, taking a seat on the bed and waiting for him to continue. He kneels down in front of you and rests his arms on your thighs. "That night had nothing to do with you baby, you felt as amazing as ever. It was my fault; I got myself worked up over the missions that it interfered with… things. And, I haven't initiated anything because I thought you were ashamed of me and I was embarrassed."

You let out a breath that you didn't realize you were holding. "So, you still want me?" You sniffled, wiping your wet cheeks with the sleeve of your sweater.

Bucky looks almost offended that you could ask such a question. "Of course I want you doll, I always want you. Can I show you how much?" His eyes drop to your lips and you subconsciously lick them out of the bad habit you have.

"How- do you wanna do that?" Bucky smirks at your question and reaches for your hand before dipping it under the elastic of his running shorts and boxers. You gasp audibly when you're met with something very hard, hot and pulsing against your fingertips with need.

"You see? It's not you, it was me. If it was you, I wouldn't be constantly horny for you." He winks, shoving his pants and boxers down his legs to let his erection spring free. "Now, let me show you how much I want and need you."

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kuroos-babie · 4 years

Text

Falling in Love with a Single Mom

Sugawara x fem!Reader | Kenma x fem!Reader

[ Headcanons/MiniFic ]

Request: hi!! i absolutely loved your single mum hc and please could you write the same but with sugawara and kenma? thank you so much- you’re doing great!!! — anonymous

a/n: sorry it took so long!! wasn't feeling motivated lately and didn't want to put out half-assed stuff :(( I HOPE U LIKE THIS ANON!!!!!

❀ suga sat in front of the class, observing his class of 4 year-olds with a gentle smile on his face.

❀ they were all minding their own, occasionally calling out for their teacher when they were short on glue and fancy stickers, checking up on their tablemates to compare their crafts

❀ one particular student catches his eye as the child opted to lay on his arms folded on top of his desk, looking sullen, instead of working on the given task; a father’s day card

“hey, is everything all right? are you not feeling well?”, his voice was soft as he approached the boy and his eyes grew softer when the he shook his head and proceeded to bury his face between his arms.

“why aren’t you making a card, then? look, all your friends are doing one for their dads.”

“i don’t even have a dad to give it to, why would i even make one.”

suga was taken aback by the young one’s words but stood his ground

“give it to me then, i’ll be your substitute dad”, he said with a gentle hand on the boy’s back, smiling even wider when the boy looked at him with a giddy smile

“really?”

❀ the child then proceeded to work on a card; enumerating all the nice things he likes about his teacher-turned-substitute-dad

❀ after adding the final sprinkle of glitter, he excitedly went to show his finished product

❀ suga scanned his work, his smile never leaving his face but the clumsily written bit at the end left his heart soft with sympathy for the little boy

❀ “i wish suga-san really was my dad, we would have lots of fun playing at the park and mama won’t be too lonely anymore!”

❀ when the day came to a wrap, he found himself being dragged through the halls, your child pulling him by the sleeve

"mama said she'll be picking me up today!"

he laughed nervously but continued to match the boy's little steps, "that's great! but why do i have to come with?"

"i want you to meet mama! i bet you'll like her, she's really nice, her food is amazing!! and she's the preeeeeettiest girl ever"

❀ and oh boy was he right

❀ suga couldn't contain the the wild blush that found it's way to his face, tinting his cheeks and the tip of his ears

❀ he hasn't felt this flustered since kiyoko held his hands

❀ he watched the boy let go of his sleeve to run to you, meeting him with a sweet smile

"mama! suga-san said he'd be my dad so i can have someone to give my dad's day card to!!"

you looked shocked. then confused. and then just plainly amused.

"baby, i told you to call your teachers sensei, haven't i?"

"but if he's my dad now should i still be calling him sensei?"

"you'd only cause trouble, baby. besides, i don't think he wants to be a full-time dad just yet, isn't that right sensei?"

you shot him an apologetic smile and he glance at the boy whose eyes are already brimming with tears

"i-i wouldn't mind at all!", he blurted out before he could even stop himself

his face flushed an even deeper shade of red which you found endearingly cute, "I MEAN ONLY IF YOU WANTED TO. IF HE! if he.. wanted to, i mean. yes."

❀ and that is how he found himself sat in your living room floor two weeks later, playing legos with your son

❀ he knew he couldn't be with you just yet, not when he still has your son as his student

❀ but when he glances at you busily preparing food in the kitchen and at the little boy on the floor trying to make turtles out of legos, he knew he'd be able to wait for a bit more.

❀ you and kenma lived in the same apartment complex, on the same floor, separated by a single wall

❀ being a new mom living alone with her 3-month old child wasn't easy

❀ sleepless nights, panicked grocery runs, and a shit ton of noise complaints from your neighbor

❀ noise complaints in the form of small pieces of paper slipped through the crack of your door

❀ "pls quiet down, trying to sleep. ty"

❀ but it was one evening when kenma had a scheduled stream and your baby's been inconsolable for the last 45 minutes, her cries seeping through the thin walls and bouncing across kenma's flat that he decided to come over yours

he knocked at your door, annoyance clearly shown in the way his eyebrows are knitted in a frown

"can you please do quiet down a bit? i'm trying to stream and the mic's picking up your baby's... crying"

he couldn't help but notice your disheveled look; wrinkled shirt, eyebags and tear-stained cheeks while you held your child, rubbing circles on her back in an attempt to calm her down.

"i'm very very sorry, she hasn't been feeling well. i'm sorry for the trouble, i really am"

he couldn't possibly be mad at you still, he figured you had it really tough and kenma's not the type to deliberately make you suffer even more

with a sigh and a quiet, "it's fine, i guess", he went back to his unit, deciding to cancel the stream just this once

❀ that evening, kenma laid on his bed thinking about you, or your situation rather.

❀ you woke up the next morning with a bag of groceries hanging on your doorknob

❀ it was full of cupped ramen, gatorade, a couple jars of baby food and a note in the same neat handwriting

❀ "i'll be next door if u need any help"

❀ you continued finding random treats at your doorstep with little notes for a few more weeks

"i ordered too much, u can have it."

"sponsor sent some stuff i didn't need."

"friend brought food, couldn't finish it all."

❀ you find it sweet but couldn't help feeling guilty having to bother your quiet neighbor like this

❀ so you decided to post your own little note on your door, hoping he'd find it

❀ "what food do u like?"

❀ the same hour you put it up, you heard shuffling outside your door

❀ and as expected there was another bag of instant ramen with your note scribbled with his reply

❀ "apple pie"

❀ a week passed with radio silence between you two, even your baby has been cooperative enough in your mission of trying to make apple pie

❀ soon you found yourself in front of the door right beside yours, freshly baked apple pie in your mitten-clad hands and your daughter blubbering in her carrier on your back

you knocked.

"uhm hi, i'm y/n. i made some apple pie, figured you wanna share."

kenma's eyes were wide and his cheeks dusted pink the same shade of yours.

he ushered you inside and prepared two plates and forks for the both of you.

"thanks for the stuff" was your meek attempt at breaking the silence.

"it's nothing really"

you noticed him silently looking at your daughter whose hands found their way into her mouth

carefully placing her from your lap to kenma's you giggled as panic flashed in his eyes.

he held her nonetheless, smiling softly as she reached out a slobbered hand to his cheeks and letting out curious coos

❀ you both soon found comfort in each other's homes, coming and going as you both shared takeout, home-cooked meals and stories in between

❀ kenma's fondess for your child grew apparent in the way he'd let her crawl all over him and tug at his hair and the way he held her up just to hear her giggles and the way you'd find him passed out on your couch with your baby on his chest and a protective arm around her

❀ what wasn't obvious to you was the way he would stare at you lovingly as you tucked your daughter to sleep in her crib every afternoon, or the way his little notes turned to subtle love confessions

❀ or the way he's been building up the courage in asking you to move in to a new house together and be a real family.

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jazzywrites · 3 years

Text

Mute but still family

Sbi fanfic

Warning: angst, mentions of death, selectively mute Techno.

————————————————————————————————————————

Technoblade has always been the quiet guy who had quick comebacks. His little remarks would cause the entire room to burst into a fit of laughter. They came so easily to Techno, like second nature.

Recently though, after Wilbur’s death, Techno had become quieter than normal. He wouldn't respond with his signature comeback. Even when Tommy made a stupid statement, or when he commented on Techno’s over-the-top dress wear. He would just stare, his face blank, no emotion evident on his face.

This caused multiple awkward moments when Tommy was trying to get a reaction out of him. Pushing all of the buttons he knows Techno had. In return, he'd receive a glare from the piglin.

No yelling, no snarls, or even an invite to a fight. Which Tommy enjoyed but would always end up on the ground, the tip of a sword to his throat.

Techno let out a sigh, he was working on another sword, just a backup. A precaution if you will.

He hasn't seen Tommy since the destruction of L’manburg.

Their fight.

The fight Techno wanted to resolve so badly. He wanted to explain his reasonings more in-depth to the boy. Wanted to have his little brother back, but he couldn't. Techno didn't want Tommy to know he misses him. He didn't want him to know he loathes the time without him. He most definitely didn’t want him to know he thinks about their adventures together all the time.

The laughter they had together. It brings a smile to the man’s face. That same smile dissolving as he remembered, Tommy hated him. Feels hostility toward his entire being. Loathes him practically.

The piglin sighed with distress. The voices were quiet too. The one time he wants them to talk they are quiet.

Techno stood up from his hunched position over the anvil. A few cracks came from his back, causing him to groan.

He walked across the bridge connecting his house to Phil’s.

Speaking about Phil, he hasn't been home in a while. He was going to get resources a week ago.

A week?

Techno knew for a fact getting resource didn't take a week. This caused a worrying sensation to itch the back of Techno’s brain.

He knows Phil can take care of himself. He knows Phil is strong. But that didn’t stop him from thinking Phil could be in danger. A danger that Phil couldn’t handle by himself.

Techno straightens his back, he’ll be fine. Phil can handle himself. He didn’t need him for a simple resource run.

He walked down the stairs looking around the snowy land, spotting Ranboo’s cabin in the mountainside. Having the sweet hybrid around was nice, refreshing even. Seeing someone so genuinely nice was something Techno hasn't been around much. Other than Phil.

He debated asking the hybrid if he's seen Phil but decided against it.

He walked to the crow’s wheat farm, all grown to full length, a week's worth of growth. That same worrying pain that began in his brain inched its way into his chest, causing him to start quickly walking to the hybrid house. All thought about Phil’s strength was lost.

He knocked harshly on the iron door. Waiting impatiently for him to open up.

He jumped when it opened up to see the taller hybrid, a confused look on his face.

“Oh hello, Techno. What's wrong?” Ranboo walked out of his house to stand straight and look at the distressed piglin.

Techno, who couldn’t speak, started to sign aggressively.

“Have you seen Phil?” Ranboo, who knew of Techno’s recent muteness, responded.

“No, I haven’t. You think somethings wrong?” Techno nods worryingly, this made Ranboo stand up straighter, he got the same chest pains Techno had felt moments ago.

“Would you like help to find him? I can help,” Ranboo asked desperately. Techno nodded, starting to quickly walk back to his house, Ranboo following right behind him.

Techno grabbed Orphan Obliterator and started his journey to the Nether portal. Ranboo trying to catch up to the piglin.

“Where are we going?” Ranboo asked, slouching his back so he can speak to Techno properly. Techno signed;

“I’m not sure,” and continued to stand in the purple portal. He honestly didn’t know where they were going. Phil didn’t tell him what resources he was getting. The fact that he had no general idea where his father was, was making Techno anxious.

Phil, besides Ranboo, was the only one that hasn’t left him. That hasn’t betrayed his trust. So him not telling him any piece of info wasn’t like him.

Thinking about Phil in danger made Techno’s legs move faster. Made him take shortcuts to...

To...

L’manburg’s portal. Tommy. He needs him. Ironically needs his voice. How he always knows how to make a sad situation light-hearted. He needs that. He yearns for Tommy’s comfort.

He walked down the stairs heading for where he knew Tommy would be. Tommy was chilling on his and Tubbo’s shared bench, looking at the beautiful scenery in front of him.

Techno pushed Ranboo to get his attention, once he got it, he point at Tommy. Ranboo understood what he asked and yelled for the blonde;

“Tommy!”

The blonde looked over, a smile on his face hearing his friend's voice but is soon disappeared seeing his brother. The same brother that betrayed him. That destroyed his home, the place he loved oh so dearly.

“What is he doing here?” The poison in the youngest voice caused pain in Techno’s heart. Pain, which caused him to let out a shaky breath.

“We are looking for Phil. You seen him?” Ranboo asked, even though he’s receiving disrespect, he still responds with such genuine kindness. It makes Techno's pain simmer down, but it was still evident.

“No, haven’t seen the old man. How long has he been gone?” He was looking at Ranboo, not giving Techno the bare minimum as eye contact. Unfortunately, Ranboo couldn’t respond, he didn’t know. So he glanced at the broad pig.

Techno, not speaking, responded with sign language;

“A week.”

The hand movements made Tommy roll his eyes.

“Just speak, bro.”

The sentence hurt Techno. Hurt him more than it should. He knew why Tommy was being sour but it’s been a long time.

He looked down in defeat. Why couldn’t he speak? Why was he like this? He used to speak all the time. It just wouldn’t come out, he couldn’t bring himself to open his mouth. Was it because of Wilbur’s death, or was he just pathetic?

“Tommy, we aren't here for arguing. We just want to know where Phil is, ” Ranboo explained sternly but still kind in his wording. Tommy took and deep breath and nodded.

“Okay, I haven’t seen him, but I’ll keep my eye out.” He gave Ranboo a reassuring smile. He didn't even look in Techno’s direction.

Fine.

If Tommy wanted to be that way, then so be it. He puffed out his chest and gave him a huff. His snout unleashing bits of smoke. He hasn't been in his human form in a while, all he understands why is that he doesn't want to be vulnerable. He's on edge all the time in that form.

He spun around, furious. Stomping away like a pathetic child. He couldn't even express his feelings to Tommy and that's what pisses him off. Tommy doesn't know he loves him still. Tommy doesn't know that he is sorry that he had to do what he did. Tommy didn't know he still cares for him so much.

He heard Ranboo call after him in his fit of self-doubt and anger. Running over, Ranboo’s hand landed on his shoulder to try and get his attention. Techno spun around, breath coming from his snout blowing into the enderman’s face.

“What’s up with you?” Ranboo asked with so much desperate concern. Techno huffed again and started to sign violently;

“Why can’t he just understand that I had to do it. Also, he thinks that I can just speak. I physically can’t. He’s such a fucking brat. We are family! He should act like family! Family doesn’t do what he’s doing!”

Techno’s facial expressions were showing his true emotion. He was the most upset Ranboo has ever seen. He swore he could see tears brimming his crimson eyes.

Ranboo’s heart shattered. Crumbling down to the endless pit that was his stomach. Techno had turned his head to the side to hide the tears that were streaming down his face. Techno wiped them off and stood up straighter puffing out his chest once again.

He strode to Tommy his stomps shaking the ground so much that Ranboo felt it in his feet. Techno taking a deep breath like he was about to speak but began to sign, already knowing that Tommy can read sign language.

Tommy was the one trying so hard to learn. He wanted to be able to speak to techno without using paper. He was so happy the first time Techno understood what he said. Techno was going quickly though. It took Tommy a second to process what his brother was saying;

“You are so unbelievably selfish! You were barely even bothered by Wilbur’s death. I don't know why I can't speak! That is known of your business anyways. We are trying to find OUR father and you just wanted to keep an eye out for him? Not even a little concerned that he might be in danger? We are your family! Family Tommy! I'm sorry for what I did to your home but I had to! To save you from the government! I love you, Tommy. You are family! Family! Family... Family..”

Techno was crying at this point as he aggressively signed ”Family” to Tommy, whose eyes were wide with the same tears that shed when Techno left. The night after l’manburg fell he cried to Tubbo all night and all of the next day.

“Techno... You... I'm sorry, ” Tommy lunged to hug Techno tightly. Techno’s large arms wrapped around the small boy. Techno was imagining that Tommy was a baby again. So small and cute, so much ambition in that small body of his.

“I’m sorry,” Tommy cried in Technos shoulder slowly lowering back down to the ground, only to realize it was Techno getting shorter. Tommy lifted his head to see Techno. Normal Techno.

People would always say they think Techno would have long pink hair due to his piglin gene. It was the opposite, though. He was Wilburs twin, after all. Wilbur’s signature short fluffy brown hair was his too.

He looked like Wilbur, every time he looked in the mirror, unwelcome tears would cascade down his face.

“Family, ” Techno signed with the emotion he wanted to express on his face. Tommy nodded, a smile spreading across his face.

“Family,” Tommy copied Techno’s hands.

Ranboo, still standing behind them, tears being quickly wiped away before hitting his cheeks.

“Need a tissue?”

Ranboo quickly twisted to see Phil, his wings tucked in tightly, and weirdly enough, he looked skinnier than when he last saw him.

“Phil?! Where were you? Techno was worrying me, man.”

Phil laughed, “I’m fine, I just got caught lacking food.”

Ranboo’s eyes widened. He couldn’t figure out why he didn’t ask any more questions. Their moment ended when Phil started to yell at them.

“Hey mate! I’m fine by the way!”

Techno’s face was shocked and confused at the same time.

“Where were you?!” Techno signed aggressively.

“I got stuck getting a fuck tone of cobblestone!”

“Oh!”

Phil laughed and smiled when Techno wrapped his arm around Tommy’s shoulder. He was listening with such genuine happiness as Tommy spoke about the new things happening in his life.

“They love each other,” Ranboo smiles and looks at Phil cheerfully. Phil laughed and nodded at him in agreement.

“Yep, anyways, I’m going to have much food I pass out.”

“Okay, Phil, have fun!”

They wave “bye” at each other as Ranboo makes his way back home.

————————————————————————————————————————

It was weeks after Tommy’s and Techno’s reunion. They were inseparable. They would be out practicing their fighting or just in front of the fireplace. Tommy passed out while Techno kept him warm as he read.

Techno had started speaking with only a few words in a sentence. His growth in his speech, though, was relieving to his father and his brother, his family.

They were all eating at Techno’s dinner table. Everyone was together.

Ranboo, Phil, Tommy, Tubbo, and Niki. Techno studdered for a second but managed to let out. He has the first genuine smile he'd had in a long time.

“M-my family.”

________________________________________

That was cool hoped you guys liked it.

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theficplug · 4 years

Text

|Next Lifetime|Erik Killmonger|

previous chapters : Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

erik killmonger x black reader

|part 4|

warnings: um definitely smut this chapter at the end. so 18+ for this chapter! and a possible trigger warning for grief but i promise it gets better and its a romcom.

synopsis: reader grieves Erik until she doesn’t (i’m trying not give too much away). This one is a long ass chapter. So, grab you a snack and something to drink! I hope y’all like it.

“You promised on our birthday that you would give me something far more special than the charms you would gift to me. In 2018, you wanted to avenge your birth parents and you went off and did something foolish and when you- when they returned you to me you were-.” you struggle for a bit to find the words to explain it all to him as he takes a step back to gather himself.

He rubs his eyes before grabbing your arms gently and massaging them . He leans down to look you in your eyes before asking “Ma, did you take something before I came to pick you up? You alright? Cause what you saying don’t make no sense at all... Your pupils don't look dilated though.”

“I know how this must sound. Batshit crazy. I know it sounds crazy to me too. I’m still trying to figure out if I’m losing my own damn mind. I don’t know how or why. I just know that you came back to me.” you say to him and he shakes his head.

“Erik. You’re talking about your ex boyfriend...The one that passed... . Alright, I’m going to take you home now... I still don’t understand what’s going on here and I’ve had about all I can take of trying to understand what’s going on here.” N’Jadaka says quietly to you before going around and opening your car door.

The drive was silent as you picked at your nails and let the soft r&b roll over the tension between the two of you.

Your own thoughts were going in about a billion different directions again. It didn’t feel right to just sit on all of that and not say anything at all. As ripped from a science fiction film as it sounded at least he knows.

He was never one to think quietly because you could practically read his thoughts with the changing of expressions across his face.

The relief of seeing your building washed over you as he offered to walk you to your door.

It was bittersweet because there was still so much of him in this different version of him. Even when he was upset with you or livid with whatever ghost that was haunting him back then, he still showed nothing but tenderness to you.

You nod and give him a small smile before following him up the stairs , to your elevator, and finally your door.

“I know that this is a lot. I mean who in their right mind would be able to process all of that.I wish there was any other way to say it... But thank you, I had a really nice time.” your soft words snap him out of staring at your face as if he was trying to piece it all together.

He knew deep down that there was something about you and what happened that weekend while dreaming in colours and other worlds but he couldn’t wrap his head around all of this happening in real life.

You lean up to kiss his cheek and he grabs your shoulders softly. “With all due respect. You seem like a lovely person and a good woman, but I just - this all a lil too weird for me and I don’t think it’s a good idea that we continue seeing each other.”

He kisses your hand and leaves with one look over your shoulder as you call out “Meet me at our spot. If you are still anywhere in there. You’ll know what I mean.”

“What the hell happened ? I didn’t expect you back until tomorrow morning?” Iri says as she settles on the other side of the sofa and patted the spot next to her as you kick off the sandals and lay your head on her lap with tears already prickling your eyes.

“Oh you didn’t? Please don’t tell me you told him about the soulmate reincarnation thing? Sweets, you probably scared the hell out of that man. We needed you to keep that waaay down in the vault.” Tiki adds as she pops the cork off the bottle of wine in her hand and pauses the movie playing on the screen in the background.

“Here’s what we’re gonna do . You’re gonna text him and tell him that you had just gotten your wisdom teeth removed earlier today and the meds had you unexpectedly zooted as fuck. “ Iri suggests and you chuckle softly.

---

Meanwhile at N’Jadaka’s house he was already being pestered by Lina and Penn for some type of details about what happened during the date. Orleans was already in the kitchen cooking and ear hustling but went back to his conversation on the phone with Big Mike when he realized there wasn’t any tea.

“I don’t feel good. I’m finna go lay down. I’ll talk to y’all in the morning”. He says simply to them before trudging his way to his part of the house.

They had been friends since college and just got used to the idea of living together as they did in the dorms so they made it work after graduation.

It helped them save money for when they finally separated and all of their schedules kept them busy so they didn't have time to get sick of each other. They also knew him well enough to know when something was bothering him and to leave him alone when he gets this moody.

"What the fuck?" He whispered under his breath

"What the fuck was all that?" He continues talking to himself as he strips and walks past the bathroom mirror to the shower.

He stops when something catches his eye. He sees a birthmark on his chest that almost resembles the shape of claw marks. He lets his fingers linger over the mark for a second. Thoughts of a panther mask clouded his memories for a moment before he shook his head and entered the shower.

---

A few hours later of talking through it with your girls about possibly seeing a therapist about all that's going on and you were ready for bed.

It didn't take long to drift off, you were ready to put the whole thing behind you.

The familiar setting of purples , pinks, and hues of blue came into focus and you looked around letting the butterflies land on you again.

You walk through the flowers and find Erik sitting by a stream of water weaving some of the flowers together.

"What the hell, E?" You ask as you run over to him and wrap your arms around his neck

He turns to you and smiles big , his dimples on full display before shrugging.

"It ain't perfect but it's the best I could do. They said it's like a do-over or something like that. I get a second chance but as a result of the way I did things the first time it's a lil different. Like when you restore a computer and it lose all it's files and shit. I get a new life but I'm still kinda stuck. I kinda like it though. I don't remember all the other shit when I'm awake. It really is like starting over. Shits crazy to explain when you think about it. But for you , you already know. I'd find you in this life and the next and the one after that. I don’t think I’mma ever fully remember what happened with all of that when i’m awake. I’m cool with it. It ain’t something I’m tryna remember." He says tipping your chin up to look at you and kissing you softly

"I know. At least I get to hold you in the real world. It's just different. But guess what I saw today? I seen that bench that you and me signed all them years back. It's still there." You say to him and he places the lil flower bracelet around your wrist as y'all sit and talk for the rest of the night.

By the time you wake up with the aroma of breakfast wavering throughout the loft you feel a little better about the whole situation with Erik, not Erik.

You opened your phone and sent him an I'm sorry gif with a few extra words inspired by Tina's wisdom tooth lie.

After easing into the kitchen and standing in the doorway you see the two lovebirds dancing around the kitchen singing to each other and laying food on the plates.

"Morning lil sleepy head. Don't forget that I'll still be coming down to the center with you today for the seminar. You hungry?" Iris asks as she places the plate in your hands with a kiss to the top of the head.

"Of course. There's a young girl, Sophie there that I really think would love to talk to you. She's just starting her transition. And her parents are wonderful but they don't really have much money. She hasn't really had the chance to get more “feminine” presenting clothes and she likes makeup. " You say and she nods catching your drift.

"Well it'd brighten anybody's day seeing a beautiful successful trans woman like myself honey. But let's lift her spirits even more. I'm gonna bring some of the makeup I got from pr packages and some of the clothes from this collection. I really hope it helps." She answers and Tika just saunters over to her proclaiming her love for her.

"Alright alright alright. I get it. I'm single as hell." You say laughing softly

---

Two weeks ticked by with radio silence on N'Jadaka's end. After the 4th day when he gave you the cold shoulder at a coffee shop, you decided to stop trying.

Maybe it wasn't fate and maybe you were just believing what you wanted to believe.

You reason with yourself as you walked around the loft making notes about the new housing project you were working on.

Finally having the house to yourself with the lovebirds gone for the day on a little adventure. You got to work budgeting and calling different areas to rent out apartments to you for women and lgbtq+ with housing insecurities.

Your ramblings and thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door , thinking that Iri or Tika left something behind.

"I told you to take your sunscre- Daka?" You question as he stands in front of you

You cross your arms and furrow your brows while waiting for an answer from him.

He stands for a moment like he’s trying to gather all of his thoughts together in a way that makes sense to both of you.

"What're you doing here?" You ask putting your hand on your hip.

He drops his shoulders and lets out a soft sigh before looking at you.

"I didn't wanna believe it. What you said that night cause like how the fuck does something like that happen? I’mma be honest. I wanted to just believe that you were a lil off and leave it at that but something keeps telling me that you right. I can't remember shit before college and all I wanted to do was be with you. From the moment I met you in the store. I was like, this is it. This is what's missing. A piece to a puzzle that's all jumbled up." He admits and you nod slowly before letting him in.

You walk around the kitchen getting a cup of tea for yourself and sitting a cup of coffee down on the counter for him.

“Don’t worry it’s black, I know you dont like it sweet.”

"You know I didn't exactly expect my fiancee that I buried months before to show up at a damn supermarket of all places. This isn't some movie or fanfiction. These kind of things don't happen in real life. Daka you, you had claw marks all over you. The last time I laid eyes on you. And now you're here in front of me. I thought that I was losing my mind." You say and he starts to unbutton his shirt.

"These." He says peeling his shirt off and showing you the birthmarks on his chest and shoulder.

You trace your fingers over it before leaning your head on his shoulder.

"I asked my parents about my childhood and when I passed by my old neighborhood a few days ago andI remembered some things. I remember what happened to my other parents, in pieces. Shit’s brutal." He says dropping his gaze

"It's okay." You whisper to him and wrap your arms around him. You rocked him for a moment letting him let all of those feelings wash over him.

He embraced you for a moment before kissing you tenderly. You tug at his bottom lip before deepening the kiss when he press you against the counter.

"We'll figure it out... Something telling me I'd be a fuckin fool to lose you again." He says quietly against yours lips.

"Are you gonna make love to me or are you going to keep looking at me like that?" You ask as he studies your whole face like he's looking at art.

"A memory. It's you. We stood right here and I kissed you the same way. You were saying something like "you bring yourself home to me"." He says and you nod frantically, holding him closer to you.

"I did. It was right before you left." You admit and he nods before lifting you up onto the counter and kissing you heatedly this time. He kisses down to your breasts before looking up at permission from you to unhook your bra.

Always a man that knows what he's doing. He takes kisses around your breasts and nipples. He takes his time to lick and caress you until he works his way down.

You shake your head yes before moving to slide off your panties but his kisses and his mouth is already beating you to it as he kisses down to your thigh.

He slides your panties off with his teeth and tosses them over his shoulder.

You tilt your head back as you feel him wasting no time massaging over your clit and working you over with his fingers, curling them and stroking you gently.

Your soft moans fill the room when he hooks your leg over his shoulder and begins to suckle your clit softly , swirling his tongue over it.

"Tika will kil- Ooh god. How does your tongue feel like it's vibrating?" You ask and he only chuckles and grips onto your cheeks to bring you closer to him.

He was feasting on and devouring you like he was going to lose again and you could grind your hips down against his tongue and moan his name sweetly.

He didn't stop his tongue or fingers working in you until your legs are shaking and you're gripping at his head.

"You have- fuck. I'm a squir-" you moan his name brokenly while trying to get out your words and lean back for a moment licking his lips before realizing what you're trying to say.

"Hold that for me. I wanna come with you." He says to you and you pout and protest as he removes his fingers. He picks you up off the counter and carries you bridal style asking you which room is yours.

"Left , left." You giggle into his shoulder as he helps you slide your dress off and you unbutton his jeans for him.

You capture him in a kiss for a moment feeling his soft plump lips against yours again for the first time in what feels like forever.

"It's been a long time since I've done all of this. . . Gentle." You say and he runs a calloused finger over your cheek moving a curl away from your face as he looks at you.

He gets a quick flash of a memory of you and him in bed. You wore a smile on your face before telling him "happy anniversary".

He trailed his fingers down your body remembering almost every scar , every moment.

When Erik got to a scar at your side. He chuckled, unlocking a memory of you two running from the neighborhood rottweiler , Smokey.

That old ass dog hated you and he hoisted you over the fence first after being out late one night in high school. The gate had caught your side when you jumped.

Erik felt so bad he brought you food from anywhere you wanted everyday from to school for a month.

He leans down to place open mouthed kisses to it.

He traced over your thighs to the cellulite and stretch marks remembering when you first got them.

He was moving homes at the time and he wasn't ready to be further away from you yet. You two just sat for hours at the park in the grass, talking.

" You know white men behind all of that anyways. They want y'all to feel like you gotta look the same way. That's how they make them billions. My mama had 'em . Yo mama , and generations back. And it ain't ever stop them from being the women they are. Besides if any dirtneck nigga ever try you , just tell me. Imma handle it." He would say as you sat with your head on his lap, staring at the sun setting, knowing good and well your grandparents were gonna ground you for being late when you get home.

They never did though cause you were with Erik they knew you were gonna be alright.

"Nothing to worry about. I… I've never done any of that stuff before…Have you?" you question hesitantly as you stare off.

"Tisha. From Ms. Wilkes class. We was coming from the kick back-"

"Uh uh . That's your business , you ain't gotta tell me all of that." You say slightly upset at the fact that Tisha of all people was his first.

----

"I got you." He says kissing your forehead then your nose before hooking your leg over his hip and easing into you slowly while his lips are still on yours. His eyes never left yours as he cupped your face sweetly like he didn't want to lose you again.

In this moment he gets a glimpse of prom night and how things changed between the both of you forever.

He wraps his hands around your waist. One of his hands splayed across your belly.

He remembers the pregnancy scare you both had afterwards with him holding your hand and telling you no matter what happens he wanna be there for both of you.

Luckily, nothing came of it but you were definitely closer because of it.

You let out an open mouthed gasp at the feeling of being so full of him after so long.

You rest your hands on his neck and shoulder and he bottoms out fully settling into you as he moves his arms next to balance himself.

You close your eyes as he begins to stroke into you trying to set a rhythm for you as his praises for you fall from his lips.

He kisses his way down your neck licking the marks that are already starting to form there.

"My lil baby." He mutters out after licking a freshly formed hickey forming on top of your breasts.

You open your eyes slowly , looking at him and the way he's looking at you .

"It's been way too long since I've heard that from you. You're remembering?" You ask quietly as you let out a soft moan.

N'Jadaka's muscles flex and tighten as he picks up his pace. His abs clenched as he pulls out almost completely and filled you at a different angle.

The sounds of your moans filling the room with every stride and stroke of his hips, it seems like you're closer to floating in space. The man was fucking you like his life depended on it and at this point all you could do is wrap your arms around him again to comfort you as he shutters and rolls his hips deeper into you. Your walls tighten around him as you relish in the feeling of him.

"Fuck. I remember all of it." He says half chuckling at the way it's coming to him and half nearly in tears cause he really missed being with you.

"I also remember that this is your favourite position cause you like to see my face." He teases before leaning down to kiss you again with them plump ass lips.

"E?" You ask , grabbing his face with trembling hands.

"Baby?" You ask again

He moves his hands from your waist and places your hands in his. Then moving them above your head as he flashes in between making love to you for the last time and now.

You roll over with him and place your hands on your chest riding him slowly getting the rhythm as he strokes into you from below.

He laughs softly when he realizes what you're doing.

"Are you spelling my fucking name , baby?" He asks and you tell him that you can spell both.

You let out a whimper when he brushes your spot and let him take over as he runs his hands over your thighs to your butt and over your back as he strokes into you.

He plants his feet on the bed and work your hips in rhythm with him.

It didn't take long for you to orgasm with a loud shriek of his name . You had forgotten how he gets when he's close as his hands on gripping all over your thighs and your back. You were already feeling sensitive with your second orgasm coming through and this man felt like he was trying to put it in your belly.

He rolls you onto your side giving it to you deeply.

With a loud hiss and panting from him he cums , holding you in his arms.

"I don't think it has felt like that since our birthday last year." He says into your ear as he pulls you closer into his arms.

He engulfs you fully in his embrace and presses a kiss to the side of your head.

You laugh softly and roll over to face him , resting your forehead against his.

"I remember. You took me to Paris. I had never been and at the time I was obsessed with everything Parisian. We fucked on the balcony and somehow I ended up popping the straps to my favorite dress. You still owe me by the way." You tease and he shakes his head laughing.

"I think we ended up saving they marriage from across the way though. They was arguing the whole time. Then they gon watch us like we ain't see them." Erik says laughing as he squeezes your thigh playfully.

"I know they was trying some things." You joke

"I missed you so much. You don't even understand." You admit with a somehow saddened and relieved expression.

"I know. I want to start over this time. All of that Erik Killmonger shit is over with. I wanna keep the name N'Jadaka and just start over. All of that was too heavy on me to carry. I wanna let it all go. I wanna do it right with you." He explains

"Good because if you put me through that again. Wakanda will be the least of your damn worries." You say to him and he nods giving you his word, sealed with a kiss.

"It'll be alright. Everything happens for a reason. And I think that right now a bath needs to happen and I'm gonna need you to do that thing again that you did in the kitchen cause I'm tryna figure out when you learned that-"

At some point after the bubble bath/ shower combo you were both out like a light until Iri and Tika decide to come busting in like they usually do with little gifts and food for you.

"Guess who's your fave- SHE GOT A WHOLEASS MAN IN HER BED" Iri announces to Tika before your pillow hits the door as she closes it.

"Sorry about that. This is kinda our cuddle hour so they're used to just coming on in." You say sleepily and he just laughs it off while holding you closer.

"It's all good. I remember that I ain't know them much before but when we did spend time with them, they were good people." He says, still trying to piece it together.

----

You fell asleep more peacefully than you had in a long time. Now granted, good sex didn't fix the many layers of issues and mysticism surrounding everything.

But for now, you knew that you had him, you had your girls, family and your business. Everything felt alright again.

Right up until the point of sleeping through the first alarm to meet the property owners.

"Bae. Bae your phone going off." N'Jadaka whispers in the dark room , voice still riddled with sleep and grogginess.

"Shit. Shit. I'm gonna be so late." You call out , quickly jumping out of bed and stumbling around the room.

It takes you about 25 minutes to speed through getting dressed in your best skirt suit.

N'Jadaka sits on the end of the bed putting on his shoes and watching you shuffle around.

He had offered to drive you there and stay with you and check out the property with you.

He slows you down by grabbing you by your arms gently and placing a kiss to your lips.

"Good morning, handsome. Let's go"

You walk through the living room with Iri and Tika already posted up in the kitchen placing two breakfast burritos in a container to grab and go.

You grab your things from the counter all while thanking them and jetting towards the door.

"Good luck pooh!" Tika calls after you.

"Byyyyeeee Dakaaaa" they call out after him

---

"Here it is . These are the apartments. I know they don't look like much now from the outside. But from the pictures it looks great. And they'll be safe and comfortable here-" you babble on to N'Jadaka while you both stand outside of the building where Erik grew up , until you notice two women walking to a car that clearly wasn't from this area.

You notice Shuri and your breath hitches in your throat.

Frozen in your anxiety, the seconds ticked by and it was too late to leave. She looked you dead in the eye and then at N'Jadaka like she had seen a ghost.

She gasped and Nakia followed the eyes before back into the car.

"SHURI WAIT - PLEASE" you yell out to them but the car was already speeding away.

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#black panther #erik killmonger #black panther smut #erik killmonger smut #Erik killmonger x Reader #fanfic for black girls

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hearteyes-for-killmonger · 4 years

Text

2. Mona Lisa

I stay in a two room double on campus which means that I share a bathroom, but the room is my own to do with as I please, within reason.

Typically, I'm milking this privacy for the money to fund my education while simultaneously releasing my sexual tension in the most taboo of ways.

Sighing, brush my teeth and reapply my lip gloss in the mirror. I can feel tremors in my poor peach, she's reminiscing on the good times when she was exhaulted like the queen she is. Men would spend literal hours worshiping her every crevice and pay me handsomely for it.

Four days down, ten to go, I tell myself.

Sex is my ideal outlet for stress relief. It's my interest, my hobby, my reprieve. As you can imagine, I have to change my sheets on a daily basis, but I don't mind that.

Yes, I have brought a number of guys over to participate in certain acts that I'm sure my bathroom mate has heard through the wall. She doesn't look me in the eye anymore though I always speak to her.. and she hasn't done so for the past month or so. I think she's traumatized.

Tickled, I re-apply my sunscreen and change into my grey PINK leggings with matching sports bra, pulling my 360 install into a curly high bun and stretching to prepare for my mid-day jog.

Everyday, I jog through the Main Quad and work up a sparkle, since princesses don't sweat.

I carry a pink hydro flask and I jog as far as I can push myself to go, often ending up at the Oval, a place where students play volleyball and walk dogs. I like to sit out from time to time and watch.

Then I head back to my room and assemble my hygiene kit to take into the bathroom. I shower, cleanse, exfoliate if necessary, moisturize, and redress for the evening.

Today's evening wear is a black graphic half shirt with a gold crown printed on and black high waisted shorts with black platform sneakers from Dolls Kill. I add my gold anklet for mood before turning on my music.

Pretty little bird, pretty little bird

You've hit the window a few times (the window a few times)

You're pretty little bird, pretty little bird

You still ain't scared of no heights

When the spiral down feels as good as the flight

When hating you feels good for the night

When the morning comes, I hope you're still mine

My cellphone rings and it's Natalie, one of the black girls in this dorm. The first day we met, we made a silent pack to stick together, us and a couple others, and months down the road we've stuck to it.

"Back from your jog, Gem?"

"Yes, and I'm looking at my notes so no you cannot borrow them."

"Jokes on you, I took them yesterday when you were jogging and made copies, I'm set."

"You bitch," I tease. "What's the move tonight?"

"Whaaat? You're not busy with one of your John's?"

"Bitch, my legs are closed, my books are bussed wide open," I smile highlighting a sentence in the textbook. I have four exams to take.

Checking a text from one of my subs, Keon, I send a short reply with a 💋. He was just checking on me, asking about my studies.

"Well we're thinking of hitting a party with a few of the black exchange students."

Party?

My book slams shut. I have been extremely well-behaved this week, I deserve a little magic in my life. It won't hurt.

"Who's we?"

"Me, Kayla, Letitia, Kevin, and Chris."

Damn, Chris' fine ass can get it. I want him.

Okay, it's decided. I can finish up here, meet Mr. Stevens at 7 in his office, meet up with Natalie and the crew around 8 and then we'll head out. I can handle a few drinks.

Jumping up, I feel alive again for the first time in four days. I snatch up my makeup trunk and set it on my desk pulling out my handheld mirror.

Light beat. Lashes. Dark liner, heavy gloss.

I release my loosened strawberry curls from the bun letting them wave and fall on my shoulders.

xoxo

Approaching the office suite, I walk through to find that the other offices are already empty. I can tell because of the quiet and closed doors. Mr. Stevens' door is open and yellow artificial light streams into the small hallway.

When I come upon the door, Mr. Stevens is at his desk staring intently at a spread of papers, his gold-rimmed glasses fallen at the end of his nose.

My peach is telling me this scenario could be a problem. Dr. Stevens is a steak and lobster meal and my peach? She's salivating. Crossing my legs on the spot where I stand I knock on the door drawing his eye.

"Ms. Miller. Come in, have a seat."

Quickly, I plop down into one of the two chairs in front of his desk and sling my bag down to the floor beside my chair.

He awakens his computer, typing before reading through whatever's displayed. Then he turns the screen to face me and I'm looking at a layout of of my grades for the class. It's looking pretty good.

"Could be better," I stare waiting for what I came for.

"You're right, it could be. You see, as it stands everything for you is riding on this exam. You could walk away from this class with a high C or a high A. It's really up to you."

I lean forward with my elbows on the desk to look him in his narrow-set eyes.

"Look at my face, Mr. Stevens," I glare for emphasis. "Does it look like I'm down to settle for a high C? What did we discuss in the classroom?"

Again, it's a chess match of stares.

After about ten seconds this time, he pulls his glasses off, folding them gently and sitting them off the the side near the computer. He turns the computer screen back to it's original position and pulls a paper packet from his desk, raising it vertical with the print side facing towards himself and away from me.

It's the exam, I know it. I maintain eye contact.

"This," he pauses holding it up near his head. "If anyone... and I mean anyone.. discovers that you have this... you're on your own. I'll turn ya ass in so fast your head will spin. You will be expelled."

I've never heard him curse before.

"No one will find out, I'll guard it with my life."

"There's one more thing." He lowers the packet setting it away from me on the desk near his glasses. "Correct me if I'm mistaken, but I seem to recall you saying something along the lines of you not playing bout your grades or money.."

"Yeah?"

Licking his lips, he leans forward and I sit bolt straight.

"How far you willing to go for both?"

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

I blink in shock. Not good ol' Mr. Stevens! This has gotta be a joke. Mr. Hottie would never sleep with a student, he's far too strict.

"Gemini," he whispers, the name lingering on his tongue in a way that gives me full body chills. How did he know my stage name?

"Mr. Stevens, I think you're mistaken. My name is Phoebe, remember?" I tilt my head to jog his memory. "Phoebe Miller?"

He scoffs, loosening his tie and I'm aware of myself breathing harder.. loudly.

He tosses his tie on the desk between us.

Unbuttoning the top few buttons on his shirt, I can see his sharp clavicle and a tease of the muscle beneath. My mouth is watering and he leans forward again.

"Let's skip the part where you play dumb and get straight to negotiations. You're a smart girl...Sexy," he whispers.

My eyes widen hearing that word come from his lips. My thighs press together. This isn't a body that can hold back once started up. He's treading dangerous ground.

I lean forward slightly and the corner of his lips lifts in a dark smirk.

I've never seen this man like this.

"I've been to Mickey's. You know, there's this move you do... on that pole... I've seen you do a few times now and I've been wondering every time I see your lil conceited ass in my class... how it would work if you tried it on a dick."

Shit.

He said the magic word! I'm wet. I'm wet! I cross my leg over my thigh and he sits back, standing tall as I look up at him, ready to do anything.

He walks over to the door, closing it gently and locking it. Panting, I watch him do it and then he walks back to his seat, reclining with his hands clasped loosely in front of him.

"I have the power to give you an A," he announces. "Right here, right now."

"Oh really."

Oh my fucking god, I'm so wet right now. I can feel it.

"Mhm... I can also ensure that you pass your other classes, no problem," he brushes his shoulder. "BUT."

"But," I breathe.

"I need something from you."

Blinking at his boldness, I can't help the lust that comes to my eyes. This is a fantasy. Shit like this does not happen.

"Yes?" I'm licking my lips, biting them in anticipation. Say it, I beg with my eyes. Say it!

"I want you.."

Yesss?

"..to be.."

I lean in closer.

"So eager," he laughs. "You know, the way you look at me, you remind me of the Mona Lisa. There's a secret behind your eyes and every time I see you... that's what the fuck I see. It's like you wanna fuck me..."

Sitting up again to lean forward, his face is now inches from mine.

"You're going to be my slave, Ms. Miller. My personal.. little slut. Just until the exams are over," he nods.

I have to think about that, but not for long.

"And you can ensure all A's," I confirm.

Smiling, he nods. It's the perfect scenario, I want to cry.

"Deal."

"You can't tell a soul," he whispers coming in closer. His breath smells like spearmint. His lips are centimeters away now and I can't hold myself back any longer, I close the distance meeting his soft lips with mine.

Getting as far as a peck, he pulls back looking away like a man who's just made a deal on something as trivial as a lawn gnome or a piece of patio furniture. There's an unrushed boredom that only serves to intrigue me as he goes through the buttons on his shirt, letting the white fabric fall open to reveal the built muscles I kind of knew were there... but never to this extent.

His skin looks like smooth rum and I want a taste, but he has a deliberate pattern of raised bumps all over his chest and abs. It's not a turn off. In fact, I can think of a few things to do with that.

He smirks as if reading my mind.

Leaning further forward, I'm out of my seat and leaning over the desk.

With my right hand I reach up to touch his right pectoral but snatch my hand back when he smacks it away. I feel the sting. He's heavy handed.

"Did I say you could touch me?" His eyes hold venom.

He sounds like me when I'm disciplining a sub.

"No sir."

"Don't smile."

"But my smile is so cute," I grin watching his wheels spin.

"That's true," he admits with a nod. "But you know what's even cuter?"

"There's cuter?" I tilt my head innocently and he smiles.

"Hm," he chuckles. "...Don't move."

Holding my position over his desk, I remain still as he stands up again, slowly circling out of my view. Behind me, he stands and I can feel his presence. I feel a spanking coming on. I can feel him-

"MM," I squeak feeling the first hit. It's firm, but not too rough.

"Shut up, you've taken worse," he comments and I wonder how he knows because it's true. This is nothing.

Hit number two comes and it's a little bit harder than the first.

"Be gentle," I whisper looking back.

The third hit is double the strength of the last, I feel it and breath out.

The fourth is much harder and I make a sound to let him know I feel it. He hears me because the next swat feels like he really reeled back and it stings. It has me anxious for the next hit.

"I once saw you take a flogger," he breathes and I hear it in his voice, he's getting excited. I wonder if his dick is hard. How big is it? "Who you think requested it," he huffs and the swat he takes makes me hit the desk.. for real this time.

"You're a sub-SSSS," I hiss throwing my head back. "Damnit, okay now," I warn."

"Move your hands."

I don't know.

"Get back down... and move your hands," he repeats firmly.

Hesitantly, I drop them and brace myself on the desk.

"Uh!" I close my mouth and gather myself. It really stings. He keeps hitting the same damn spot, but in the way that tying a rubber band around your finger feels good, it also feels good.

"Take those shorts off..," he mutters. I can hear him breathing and when I look back, he's taking the button up completely off and unbuckling his black leather belt. "Hurry up.. take it off."

#original #erik killmonger #killmonger #erik killmonger smut #killmonger smut #erik x oc #erik killmonger x oc #tales of a masochist

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minnowrowdy · 3 years

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Alrighty peeps, I got an update.

I found a system for me on catching up on late work-

that has worked for a few weeks already!!

I feel so accomplished every time I think about it, because I've been trying to drudge up all ounces of motivation, energy, courage, and more in order to ignore my anxiety about my missing work, and it hasn't worked much.

On Feb 11 or so I started a list of every assignment that I complete.

I have a separate page outlining the rules.

I know myself, and deadlines stress me out and I procrastinate until it's necessary to do them. ( In fact, this was a big reason for my current inability to complete the ones past due.)

So why should I make a deadline?

I shouldn't.

Instead, I have created on the 2nd page some rules, and something to work towards.

Since I am currently consuming every video and stream about the amigops as I can, specifically corpse_husband, I have decided to use his new streams as mine.

Then, since I know the date the stream is made days beforehand, and I know he has a playlist for live streams that have already past, it removes the obligation to do things by a certain time.

Instead, I now have excitement to work on everything to be able to watch it as soon as possible.

On the separate page, I also have added 2 labels. Complete, and Days Passed.

On the day I create my thing to look forward to, I start with 3 assignments to do. If I achieve the 3 on the first day, I add those as marks on my Completed area, and can watch. But every day I don't have the completed area achieved entirely, I add a tally to the area labeled Days Passed.

To paraphrase the last part, I start with 3 on the first day, and add 2 more things to do each tally mark of the Days Passed area, unless I have it completed.

For every assignment I do, I have also gotten in the habit of writing it down on my first page. Today, I looked at the list and it was a full page, when I still believed it was half-full. That was a nice confidence booster!

Currently, my set reward is watching the stream from the 23rd, and I am 8/13 assignments away from it!

There is a bit of math to think of each time I check the list, but that's okay because it makes me want to know how close I am to finishing even more.

The 13 assignment total looks scary, but I am happy because it's been only 5 days and I've made 8 assignments already. That's a vast improvement than previously, where I struggled to even complete 1 in a week.

There are still days I can barely remember to mark a new tally in the Days Passed before I forget, including last night where I literally had to get myself out of bed at 11:30pm because I barely remembered then and knew if I didn't it would be a while before I would again. Perhaps making this some sort of calendar might be better instead of a tally, unclear yet.

I do have to keep myself from going in the tags on tumblr to find out about the streams, though, but I sometimes do and scroll past tings quickly so I can find any more possible lobby notices by them.

I decided not to stop myself from watching any youtube videos at all or old streams of his I've already seen, because I would be bored and wouldn't feel more accomplished if I could do nothing I wanted to when avoiding work. Now, I'm procrastinating a few hours til I forgot about it and enjoying it, then willingly deciding to work on what I can to earn more tally marks in completed quicker so I can see the new streams.

Since these are late or incomplete, they don't have a deadline. So newer assignments don't quite have the same effect as these, which presents a future problem. A nice but unpredicted outcome was me actually completing today's assignment the hour it was given, because I just wanted more tallies added!

I got lucky because corpse decided to create more among us lobbies recently. 😂

I have slight guilt every time I use more of the paper in a notebook, so I tend to write to try and 'save space', which is illogical considering the amount of notebooks made in the world and how if I don't fill it the pages will stay blank and be unused anyway?

Unless you also are having missed work, an interest that is 'updated' multiple times to keep you finding new parts of it, and don't find doing a little math irritating, then this wouldn't work at all for you, but there are probably so many ways to revise this? Sorry 😞

I am mainly just sharing this because I am proud that something I came up with on a whim worked so well for the past few weeks.

I would be very interested in any possible revisions or any comments you have for this

#procrastination sucks #but this kinda helped?#i mean #its very specific to me though #sorry its not more generalized

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blindspot-repata · 4 years

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Secret friend - Blindspot

This is my contribution to the 22nd day of winter Holydayblindspot.

Amigo Secreto/ Secret friend/ Kriss Kringle / Secret Santa - In some parts of the world you don't play secret buddy, but in some places it is common at Christmas time to have a raffle where names are drawn and each one is given a chance gift for a person, which is only revealed on Christmas Eve or on a specific date near Christmas. Each participant rehearses a speech about the raffled person and gives him a gift. I decided to talk about it because I think it would be a great time for our dear team to get together on that date even during the escape. I hope you enjoy!

___. ___. ___. ___. ___. ___

December twenty-fourth in New York was always very cold, but in Canada the cold was extreme. Two days ago it was snowing nonstop. Luckily they went to the nearest town last week and did all the Christmas shopping, including for the long-awaited hidden friend (Secret Santa). Of course it was Rich's idea, but they all got in on it. It would be just souvenirs to relax and feel the Christmas spirit even on the run.

The Christmas dinner was very tasty, of course, after discussions about who would make what, everything turned out well. They were already eating dessert, a Dutch pie Tasha had made.

“Hey, guys!” Rich got up from the table catching everyone's attention. "Let's start the revelations here because I'm crazy to see my friend's reaction to the gift I bought." Rich had drunk a good deal of wine and was talking to his elbows.

"Do you to start, Rich?" Patterson was also slightly altered due to the high amount of wine ingested.

“No, you start, blond.”

Everyone got up and sat on the couch or took the chairs near the tree where the presents were arranged. Patterson picked up the little box that contained her gift and stood pacing the small room.

“Well, my secret friend. She is a very strong person, has been through so much, and looks that follows full and firm." Patterson turned her gaze to each of them, her family, and they returned a curious and grateful look for her being who she was and rid them of so much trouble. “She brought riddles with her and we worked hard to unravel them all. But in the end we did it. My friend is Jane.”

Jane stood up and they hugged each other tightly. Jane removed the bow from the box revealing the silver necklace with the letter J engraved on a pendant.

“Thank you, Patterson. I loved it.” Jane said already putting the necklace around the neck with the help of Kurt.

“Well, my turn. My secret friend. Let me try to say everything I rehearsed.”

“Speak, Jane!” Everyone shouted in unison.

“Fine! She is beautiful, is always well groomed and loves her heeled boots. She is a strong and determined woman. Likes to take risks and has a big heart. It's Tasha!”

Tasha got up with teary eyes and hugged Jane. She had learned so much since the tattooed woman joined their team. The latina opened the package and came across a box of Swiss chocolates.

“For you to relieve the stress we are going through.”

“Thank you, Jane.” Tasha thanked smiling.

“ Well, it's me now.” Tasha took the box with her gift and looked thoughtful. "My secret friend is very special, you all are." The brunette looked at all of them not wanting to leave anyone out of her preference. “But this person, I've lived so much with him, we went through many problems and some of my attitudes left him very hurt.” This time she didn't hold back the tears. "Although he doesn't speak, I know deep down he hasn't forgiven me yet, but I fight every day to make it happen. Reade, come to receive your gift.”

Reade stood and hugged her tightly. “Don't cry, okay. Look at me.” Tasha looked into his eyes smiling with tears still streaming. “Thanks.” He spoke softly.

He thanked her and took his gift. It was a mini bottle of Jack Daniels.

“You don't even have to look like this so I won't share it with you!” He said looking at Kurt and Rich. He handed his gift to Tasha and took out his package. “My turn! My secret friend has boldness on the tip of his tongue. I think I learned a few things from him, such as accepting that people can change. My friend is you, Rich!”

“Oh! What an honor you go out with me, Reade! The boldness part is because I like to put a little joy among you that sometimes are very well behaved for my taste.” Rich took out his gift, which was a smart watch, of course not original because of the little money they had, but it seemed to work well. “Thank you, little Boss!” Rich winked at him who looked incredulous already scolding him.

Rich took his package under the tree and cleared his throat to begin his rehearsed speech.

“My secret friend, well, sometimes could be a little more uninhibited, because everything I say he scolds. I have asked for a mégane a few times, but always denied me.”

“Rich!” Everyone shouted the scolding.

“Fine! Kurt, you know the admiration I have for you, so come get your gift.”

“Thanks!” Kurt took his package and opened it. “Rich, how do you have the guts?”

"Ah, tell me you didn't like it?" It was an English mini version of the Kama Sutra. I just found this version, so make the most of it. Rich looked at Kurt and Jane who was blushing. “ There's a mini bottle of wine for you in the box too.”

“Just you, Rich.” They all chuckled in disapproval.

“Now it's me.” Kurt got up and began his speech. "I don't think a lot of people are missing, do you? But I'll talk anyway. This person has taken us out of the most difficult situations anyone can imagine. Your intelligence and technological prowess are unsurpassed, and I appreciate having Jane by my side thanks to you, Patterson!”

“Oh, thanks, Kurt!” She stood hugging him and receiving his gift. Patterson opened the box revealing a puzzle.

“For you to remember home.” Kurt said referring to the statue of liberty contained in the puzzle.

The night was perfect and they were able to relax and forget about their problems and feel closer to home.

Credit of pic @caizalucca

#holidayblindspot #blindspot #blindspot fic #blindspot fanfic #blindspotedit #jeller #repata #janedoe #kurt weller #tashazapata #edgarreade #patterson #rich dotcom

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taenamseok · 5 years

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Small droplets ping against the metal bucket that sits in the middle of my living room, slowly filling it up. The landlord refuses to fix the leak in my roof, saying it'd be too expensive. I don't mind it though. Some may think my apartment isn't the greatest. The lack of insulation making it slightly difficult in the winter, but I'm not bothered. I keep many thick blankets in my house, so when it gets cold, I get to bundle up in them to stay warm. I also have a large window in my kitchen that faces the street. This is where I sit, watching the rain pour down outside, splashing on the pavement. Few people pass by, their colorful umbrellas adding beauty to the dull grey surroundings. I think of the water, how far it must've travelled just to fall onto my street. The rivers and oceans it must've flown through, the wonders it could've touched.

Life is beautiful

I carry my mother's frail body from the couch to her bed, empty bottles clinking as my foot bumps them. I've been doing this since I was fifteen. My father was gone before I was born, and my mother hadn't taken it well, drowning in alcohol. I've never once seen her sober. Through my childhood, I didn't even see her that much. She worked so many jobs to keep us alive, she was rarely home. Whenever she was home, she yelled at me or hit me whenever she looked at me, saying I looked too much like my father. I always hid in the closet with a flashlight, reading books that I got from the school library. My love of literature has only grown since. As I lay her down, she groans, rolling over to face me. "Namjoon..." she whispers. "You're such a disappointment." Those are her last words before she slips into a deep slumber. I kiss her on the cheek before I leave, stepping into the warm sunshine. Being able to walk out of there, no longer trapped in her clutches is the best feeling. I am free, able to do whatever I want.

Life is beautiful.

As I sit here, surrounded by my sobbing family members, I stare at the closed casket containing my grandfather. They lower it down into the ground, and my grandmother screams, sobbing into my uncle's chest. I've kept it together for so long, not letting go of my emotions. Her wails cause a single tear to roll down my cheek, her heartbreak causing my own pain. My grandfather was a great man. Out of all my family members, he was the only one that actually seemed like he cared about me. He would give me old books, read me to sleep whenever I went to their house because my mother got into trouble, he even taught me English to broden my horizons, being able to read more wonderful books. As the funeral ends, I walk through the graveyard, thinking back on fond memories. As I walk, I spot a small sapling protruding from the ground. I kneel down to examine it, and I smile. One life is taken, one is started. This sapling will grow into a strong tree, and I will come visit it, as a memorial for my grandfather.

Life is beautiful.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Kim, I don't know how to say this." The doctor says, looking over his clipboard. I sit across from him, wondering what he's reading. "The tumor has grown to a size that would be impossible to operate on. I'm so sorry, you have maybe a year at most." He says. I let his words sink in. I thank him and shake his hand before exiting the hospital. I walk over the bridge with my hands in my pockets. A year at most. At twenty five, I'll be gone. It wasn't long, but it was good. I sit down on my favorite park bench, watching people pass by. I spot a young couple sat on a blanket, having a picnic together. They look so happy, laughing and smiling at each other. Love radiates off of them, and I smile, their happiness warming my heart. What a wonderful feeling that must be, being loved by someone, loving them.

Life is beautiful.

I sit in the small diner, chatter from it's regular occupants reverberating off the walls. I sip my coffee as the waitress cleans the bar around me. I've been coming here for years, the aesthetic relaxing me. As I look around, I see a new face. A young woman tucked into a corner booth, resting her head on her hand as she pokes at her food with a fork. She looks out the window, a small smile tugging at her lips as a dog on a leash passes by. She licks her chapped lips as she turns back to her food, yawning as she rubs her eyes.

She is beautiful.

I start to come to the diner more often, and she's there most of the time. Sometimes she eats, sometimes she just has a coffee and reads. It took three weeks to gather the courage to talk to her. I sit down at her booth, and her eyebrows raise. "Can I help you?" She asks. Today was a coffee and reading day, and I notice the title of her book. "Les Miserablés. That's a great read." I smile. "You've read it?" She asks, shifting in her seat. "I read it three times." I reply. "Isn't it amazing? The structure is phenomenal, and the description, the imagery, just, incredible." She rambles. She seems so happy. It's great to see a genuine smile on her typically somber face. We sit for hours talking about our favorite books. Her voice is so soft and sweet, I feel like I could listen to it every second of every day. Sooner than I expected, the waitress came to tell us it was closing time. We nod, standing up so she could clean the table. We stand outside, saying our goodbyes. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name." I say, not wanting her to leave. "It's Y/N." She smiles, tucking her hair behind her ear.

She is beautiful.

We start seeing each other more. Instead of just the diner, we see each other at our houses, go out together, we even had a picnic together. I've never been so happy in my life. She's told me her past, how her parents abused her and kicked her out of the house at only fifteen, how she had to drop out of school to work full time to support herself. Through all she hardships she's faced, she still came out strong with a positive outlook on life. Through the darkness, she always saw the light, and focused on that, no matter how dim it was. I admire her for that. She's like me. Even with all the negativity in the world, there is always something positive, and she understands that. She is brave and sweet and caring.

She is beautiful.

She loves me. It took a month, but I finally told her how I felt, and she feels the same way. "I love you, Kim Namjoon." She said that. I kissed her too. Her lips were so soft against mine, like a rose. I want to be with her forever. However, I don't have forever. I told her about my tumor. She cried, and I apologized for making her sad. I never want to see her sad. I held her in my arms as she cried into my chest. Seeing her so upset hurts, and I make her look at me as I wipe her tears. "Y/N, I'm so sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I don't want to hurt you. I never wanted that. I couldn't help myself that day. I shouldn't have wrapped you into all of this but I did. I'm so sorry." I tell her, a tear streaming down my cheek. She reaches up, holding my hands and placing a small kiss on my palm. "Namjoon, I want to stay with you until it's time. I will be with you until the end. I love you and I will never leave you." She says. I hug her tightly, shaking slightly as I cry silently.

Her words are beautiful.

These past months have been the best of my life. Every time I see her my heart warms up, my smile never fades. Knowing she still loves me makes the last year of my life worth while. I've learned everything about her, and the more I learned, the deeper I fell in love. After a few months she wanted me to move in with her, so I did. being able to hold her in my arms every night is the best feeling. She's treated me amazing, and I've given her the same treatment. I want to prove to her as much as I can how much I care about her. I can tell that everything is taking a toll on her. Even though she is drained, she still shows that she loves me. I don't want to leave her.

She is beautiful.

She brought me to the hospital. My head hurts so bad, I collapsed yesterday. I have a feeling today is the day. It's too soon. There's still so I wanted to do with her. I wanted to marry her, have a family with her, grow old together. She holds my hand as I lay in the hospital bed. She hasn't left since she brought me here. "Y/N, you need to eat something. Please, go to the cafeteria and get something." I beg her. "No. I'm not leaving your side. I promised you, until the very end." She insists. I smile sadly at her, and rub her hand softly. This woman has given me the best year of my life. I'm so lucky. "Tell me something beautiful." I request. She thinks for a moment, smiling when she gets an idea. "Do you remember the day we met? How windy it was out? The trees looked so beautiful swaying in the breeze, the leaves drifting through the air." She describes. "That picnic we had next to your grandfather's tree. The lilies we left there for him. I'm sorry, I must be doing a terrible job at this." She sniffles. "No, you're doing an amazing job. Please, keep going." I asks. She nods, and thinks again. "That night we were in the park, and it started to rain, and instead of running like everyone else, we splashed in puddles, danced, and sat and watched the droplets fall. The sound was so calming, and sitting on that park bench, the water soaking through our clothes, I didn't want to be anywhere else. I don't think I'll ever be able to look at rain again without thinking of that day." She starts to tear up again. "Y/N, I want you to know how much you changed my life. Everything got so much better when I met you. Maybe in another life I can try to make it up to you. I'm so sorry." All of the good times we had were coming to an end. I'm so thankful she came into my life

She made my life beautiful.

A/N: We take so many small things for granted in our lives, not realizing that any day could be our last. Please, take this as a lesson of sorts, and enjoy the minor things in life. Watch a sunset, play in the rain, have fun. Do what makes you happy, and enjoy the time you have.

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