im like 3 sauces tall... i love to imagine dottore being a lil bit of a tease about it... like he puts things a bit higher than you can reach so you have to ask him or a segment for help... and then you'll be doing something, like talking to an agent and then a segment will just waltz over and pick you up like you're a long cat and walk off cause its time for ur meds. IDK im delulu.... If only there was a doctor that could help teehee - 🐓

NO DOTTORE AND THE SEGMENTS TOTALLY BULLY YOU BECAUSE OF YOUR HEIGHT!! It's so annoying,, it's so obvious that they're doing it on purpose too... because why are the lower shelves nearly bare and all the other things are on the top ones...? And why have all the chairs magically disappeared from the room...? They're so smug about it, you kind of want to punch them (lovingly) to be honest. It's okay though. At least your height makes it easy for them to rest their head on top of yours, they like doing that and peeping into what you're doing (nosy mfs). Hell, even if you're taller than him, he'll still find a way to tease you. He'll still put the stuff up very high... so every time he has to bother you and watch as you reach up for him, all with a smirk on his face... (as if he can't reach it himself, the man with the strength of Gods...)

OMG THEM PICKING YOU UP LIKE A LONG CAT... just you watching how far the floor is from you whenever this happens. 😭 Gosh they abuse the height difference so much, it's criminal. But it's so cute when you wear their clothes though, it droops so much!! >.< They love seeing you in them!!

cute relationship things with ateez!

genre: fluff (a lot)

warnings: none :)

established relationship!

a/n: i meant to post this like two weeks ago but i never finished it so consider this an early valentine’s day gift <3 ;) 

seonghwa:

for some reason, i feel like seonghwa likes to read books

with that being said, on lazy days where you guys didn’t want to get up and do anything

you guys would read books !!!

before you guys would read some were recommendations from each other on your own

and then maybe rant to each other over little details about the book like how the main character went back to their toxic ex or how the ending of a book was so bad

“seonghwa, how did you even read this?!? the stupid ass main character keeps going back to that one jerk! like does she not realize she deserves more than his ugly ass???!!!?”

“y/n, just keep reading.” 

“but hwa-”

turns out the main character got with the other woman yayyyyy!!! fuck shitty men

i don’t know how it happened but you guys started your own little book club with each other

so you guys could finally talk rant together at the same time about the book

so since you guys started to read the same book and if you guys found down time together you would read together

like, imagine it’s a peaceful friday night

seonghwa is back from work and so are you

you guys already showered and ate dinner

you’re just reading and then seonghwa just scoops you up and then puts you in between his legs with your back against his chest

and you’re like “wtf bro?”

and he’s just like, “what? i wanna read too???”

“didn’t you like read ahead tho??”

“yeah, but i wanna read it again.”

that was a fatass lie

he just wanted to be close to you 

hongjoong:

ok so, we all know that this man is hella busy all the time

mans is the leader, song writer, producer, dancer, rapper (which is why he is good at all positions)

but you were patient with him and whenever he goes days without seeing you due to his busy ass schedule he would make it up to you yk what i mean

but on the more chill days when you saw hongjoong or even the days where he was cooped in his studio (you would visit him there because sometimes you just had to see him)

you guys would just lay on the couch, just enjoying each other’s presence and not feel like you have to make up for lost time

you would be on the bottom on your phone or reading a magazine/book

then hongjoong would be at the top with his head on your stomach as he would be writing down lyrics that came to mind

killing two birds with one stone you feel me

sometimes you would show him a funny meme that you found or quote something that you just read to him 

“hongjoong, look at the way he fell!” you would be dying of laughter

and then he wouldn’t notice because he was really roped into making lyrics 

but you also didn’t see him focusing so much because you were of course laughing at the kid that accidentally got bitchslapped off the couch because of their sibling

“joongie look!!!”

“what is it?”

you would then show him what happened and then he would look at with that “you really interrupted me for this??” type of look

“i just lost my train of thought for this song because you wanted to show me this kid falling off of a couch???” 

“yes?” 

he would just bring a hand to his face and think what tf? why tf? and then slowly start laughing because of what just happened

“see, wasn’t it funny?”

“a child getting hurt isn’t funny, y/n” he would laugh while scolding you

yunho:

yunho powers im sorry for this one

alright so, it’s night time 

you guys are about to go to bed after a long day or work/school whatever

your eyes are fluttering closed because the day got you beat beat

but then yunho just kisses your face

and then you open your eyes slowly again to see yunho look like he just got caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to do

like imagine a kid that just got caught drawing on the walls

that’s what his face would look like

he’s just laying there like “i thought you were asleep...”

“i was just about to...”

yunho feels lowkey guilty now because you’re awake now and he knows you had a long day

he just couldn’t resist kissing you 

you just looked so pretty and peaceful sleeping 

mans was reminded by the universe themself about how lucky he was being able to date you

like, godamn what did he do in his past life to deserve you?

ok, back to this reaction idea thing-

yunho would apologize for waking you up with his cheeks a nice rosy color

you just look at him with tired eyes 

“i’ll forgive you, if you give me more kisses.”

and yunho’s smile just lights up the whole damn room and he’s like oh? say less

so he goes to kissing your face

like all over

your nose

your cheeks

forehead

basically anywhere ok?

and you end up laughing because it tickles 

but you just want him to kiss your lips which he does 

... eventually lmao

but when he does your still laughing which causes him to laugh

he tells you “i love you, did you know that?”

and you get all flustered and shit but you still keep that playful energy around 

“i love you too, but you aren’t forgiven just yet”

which leads to more kisses :))))

yeosang:

ok so you’re now the busy one

yeosang has so much respect for you because holy shit how do you balance that busy ass schedule of yours

your homework loads were no jokes 

then to add to that you have a job which was even more stressful

it was amazing how you can manage all that and still keep a smile on your face

you also had major respect for yeosang as an idol

the industry was not a place to fuck around 

you couldn’t be happier that your boyfriend was lucky enough to have a group who actually cared and supported each other

speaking of ateez, yeosang isn’t the most touchy person in the world

you didn’t mind of course, you’re the same way

however, when he did give you cuddles and kisses you would be a blushing mess

a sort of rare sight that yeosang loved to see

anyways, one night you were busy writing those argumentative essays that you were sure that your fingers would fall off by the time you were finished

you were working on it ever since you got home from school (with the occasional food and bathroom breaks )to the time when yeosang came back from practice

you moved to your shared bed by the time the sweaty boy came home and he was surprised that you were working on one subject for so long

the stupid piece was almost finished by the time yeosang was out of the shower

however, you didn’t even notice

you were too immersed in your writing to notice

yeosang took this as an opportunity to sit behind you and wrap his arms around your waist and watch over your shoulder as you worked

and of course, he would kiss your cheek occasionally

this was super sweet gesture but yeosang but you didn’t the notice that he wrapped his arms around you

“ai yah! what the hell?” you yelled and turned around to see your boyfriend clutching his chest

“oh it’s just you.”

yeosang would give you a deadpanned look and be like, “yeah, who else tf???”

you would apologize and kissing his cheek before returning to back to work 

which yeosang would return to hugging your waist and keep his head on your shoulder

and give you occasional kisses on your cheek or neck

after that night, it became a weekly occurrence

which you loved of course, who wouldn’t love their bf cuddling them while they chased their bag

san:

i am very excited for this one

ok so, san loves playing with your hair

it’s just so much fun 

running his fingers through it or just attempting to braid it or put it into a tiny ponytail

he loved it

he would probably always play with your while you were watching tv together, sitting together in the car, or even before you guys fall asleep

then one day after san came home early from work 

you guys were chilling on the bed watching the latest k-drama that came out since san made you wait so you guys could watch it together

san was in between your legs with his back leaning against your chest 

and that’s when you decided to run your fingers through his soft, fluffy hair

that’s also when san asked you to braid his hair

“sure, what type of braid though?”

“there’s different kinds????” 

“yes, san. now pick one.” you gave him your phone that was pulled up to different types braids.

“i want the french ones. they sound fancy.”

you roll your eyes and start sectioning his hair into two sections and start braiding his hair and lightly pull on the pink strands because you know san likes his hair pulled

so you doing his hair right 

and you begin rambling about your day/week

talking about whatever interesting happened to you because you know that san likes hearing you talk no matter what it’s about

however, you were knee deep into talking about the latest drama at work that you didn’t even realize that san stopped talking

“san?”

he didn’t answer and his head would be dipping down so low you were surprised you didn’t fall over

“baby?”

san still wouldn’t respond to you 

but this time he just flipped over so his head would be on your stomach as he wrapped your arms around your stomach

“mmmmmmm?”

“nevermind love, just sleep.” 

he would respond by burying his head further into your stomach and tightened his hold around you

you kissed his head and ran your fingers through his hair which lulled san to sleep even more

“goodnight sannie.”

mingi:

you have been best friends with song mingi ever since you moved into the tiny neighborhood that you call home

it all started when your parents brought you over to your next door neighbor’s house for breakfast on a cold saturday morning 

you were extremely shy when you were little so the only thing you could remember about your first experience with mingi was hiding behind your mother’s leg for the first hour of being there and watching the young boy play with his toy cars and planes before he finally offered a pirate ship to you

ever since that unforgettable saturday, you pretty much spent the rest of your childhood with mingi

you guys were practically joined at the hip 

even when you were getting endlessly teased by your classmates for the first month of school for having an accent whenever you spoke 

which resulted in you running to the bathroom crying

not even a minute later, you heard someone burst through the girls’ bathrrom

“y/n?”

you peaked your head out of the stall to see your tall neighbor looking out of breath

“mingi, you aren’t supposed to be here!” you said in between sobs

“it’s okay, i don’t care.” he said as he awkwardly wrapped his arms around you. “are you okay?”

you shook your head no looking at him with tears running down your face

the poor boy was internally freaking out since he has no clue on how to comfort people (especially if they’re a girl)

he was like eight at the time give him a little break

so of course, his first reaction was to make you laugh somehow

and he did this by randomly recreating the “boots and cats, boots and cats” rhythm after seeing siri do it in a youtube video and started to bop his head 

surprised by his sudden movements, you laughed out of pure confusion

as soon as mingi saw the corner of your lips flip upwards he began rapping faster to the point where he was gasping for breath leading him into a coughing fit 

“mingi you can breathe, y’know!” you giggled in between words

after the young boy had caught his breath from hacking away at his lungs, he smiled at you 

until- the teacher had came into the bathroom, scolding mingi for going into the girls’ restroom

even though mingi didn’t care at all that he got in trouble, the only thing he cared about was that you were feeling better

ever since then whenever you were sad or having a bad day mingi would whip out his phone and ask siri to rap while he free-styled over the monotone voice 

he literally still does it

even two years into your relationship-

“siri, can you rap for me?” mingi would ask his phone as he pointed his free arm at you

“boots and cats-”

“mingi, please no.” you laughed in between tears, your mood rising with every beat

wooyoung:

i wholeheartedly believe that wooyoung would kiss you face if you were sad

but the first time this happened, you guys were still fairly new into your relationship

which meant that you weren’t completely ready to be extremely vulnerable around wooyoung 

because in your mind, letting someone see you at your lowest lows of means that you really trust and love someone to let them see you like that

you always wanted to be known as the strong person in the friend group

you were that glue that held everyone together

always listening to others and taking care of others before yourself

which is why wooyoung fell in love with you in the first place

he had never been in a relationship where someone was so caring and thoughtful of others that he was scared that he wouldn’t be enough for you and that you deserved better

of course, he didn’t tell you that right away but he confessed to you about that wayyy later in your relationship which is another story to be told

but one day, life was coming at you so fucking fast

assignments were piling up left and right and deadlines were literally every other day

and then there seemed to be an increase in the amount of angry karens at your work

and your patience was thinning everyday with those people

then to top it all off, all the tests you’ve been studying for, you got mediocre grades, some even worse in other subjects

it just felt like no matter how much work you put into whatever you do, you got half ass results

it was just pushing your mental health further into the ground

you could handle a C every once in awhile but multiple? on back to back tests? no fucking way you just couldn’t

those stupid, dark thoughts would cloud your mind in an instant and on days like this, you would just let them consume you

you were too tired to pick yourself up again and fight back which led to you crying in wooyoung’s arms

usually, you would feel so embarrassed crying over things like this when you know other people have it worse but you couldn’t hold in it anymore 

you ranted about yourself in between your hiccups from crying which would hurt wooyoung’s heart a little bit

because he thought of you as such a strong and kind person- the complete opposite of what you were saying about yourself

so when you were done talking, wooyoung made you look at him and assured you that you were not any of those nasty things that you said about yourself

each insult turned into a thoughtful compliment accompanied by a kiss

“y/n, you are so intelligent-” 

kiss

“caring-”

kiss

“beautiful-”

kiss

“more than everything i ever wanted”

kiss

by the time wooyoung was done, you were a giggling mess

“and this is why i love you.”

he finally kissed you on your lips, smiling into it like the dork he is

it was the first ever time he told you that he loved you

jongho:

i am also a firm believer that jongho would sing his s/o to sleep

like with that heavenly voice of his, he better put them to sleep 

so on the first night you ever slept with jongho, you were too nervous to go to bed even though your body was screaming at you to close your eyes 

you kept tossing and turning every few minutes or your eyes would shoot open with your heart racing

at this point, you gave up on trying to sleep and got up (carefully to not wake up your sleeping boyfriend) to get a drink

while you were in the kitchen, clutching your chest in an effort to get yourself to calm down, jongho had stirred awake to an empty bed

a flash of panic surged through his body as he momentarily forgot where he was since he wasn’t at his dorm his room never looked this clean 

yawning, the vocalist would wander into the light with his eyes squinted, “y/n?”

“oh my god!” you jumped, water almost spilling out your glass

jongho covered his ears, “what are you doing up?”

“oh,” you felt your cheeks turn red since you felt bad for waking your boyfriend up. “i can’t sleep.”

“why?” he asked, walking towards the couch.

“i don’t know.” you answered as you followed close behind. 

you curled up next to jongho, clutching his shirt “i’m sorry for waking you up.”

jongho smiled tiredly at you before kissing your head, “don’t be. it’s okay. i don’t have work tomorrow anyways.”

you smiled in response before the two of you guys fell into a silence

“do you want me to sing you to sleep?”

“yes, please.” you murmured into his side as jongho placed his other arm around you, successfully trapping you in between his arms

he began singing softly into your ear as he stroked your hair

his warm voice coaxing your eyes to close 

at last, your mind was at peace with itself

your heart beat slowing down

and by the time the song was finished you were fast asleep in arms

jongho kissed your forehead once more 

“i love you.”

Clubs Aren’t My Thing. (2/2) (18+)

𝑨𝒖𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒓'𝒔 𝑵𝒐𝒕𝒆 | woooo, part 2 ! as stated previously, this is heavily inspired by @/mystic-sky on tumblr or skyfelt on ao3. amazing writer, check her out (but this isn’t a direct copy, just same storyline in a way). i’m cleaning up my writing a lot, i think. maybe im getting better as well? probably not but uh i kinda gave up at the end and uh.. hope u enjoy.

𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 | Voyeurism To Some Degree, Teasing, Ripped Tights, I didn’t proof read. 𝑷𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 | Dom! Gojo x Sub! Female Reader

𝑾𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝑪𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕 | 4561

𝑺𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚 | In which you finally get fucked by this mysterious, yet freakishly handsome stranger. That’s it, you just get fucked.

       The first thing you realize is how cold it is.     The wind is working against you, it seems, as you take your first step out of the warm building. Hair blows in every direction, you button up your cardigan, your breath coming out in puffs of smoke. Shivers went down your spine.    Not too far behind you, the mysterious man that you had met just an hour ago trailed behind, winking and waving at the girls confidently using him as eye-candy. Long strides, hands shoved into his pockets.    Your heart swells as you watch other woman stare flirtatiously as he gestured back at them, before their eyes set on you. He followed you like a duckling, and you’re sure to relish in how powerful it made you feel.    He walked like a model, with so much confidence. He didn’t appear as cold, his cheeks were flush and he reeked of fruity sugary alcohol, a playful grin still stubbornly on his face, 5 minutes later.    “Uber should be coming soon... I think, too lazy to check. You cold?” he slurred huskily.    You nod. For a one night stand, he was strangely kind to you.     He doesn’t say anything after that, so you opt to listen to the life around you. The clicking of high heels, the chatter, the drunken rants.     “Aw, come here.”     He didn’t give you much of a choice, though. Pulling you in to his chest, without warning. Your first instinct is to scream bloody murder, but he’s so warm, and you definitely need it.    One loose arm over your figure, his unoccupied arm dangled dangerously close to your butt. Taking in a deep breath, anticipating the feeling of being so scandalous in public, he chuckles breathily, almost like a taunt. You can feel the rumble in his chest as he cleared his throat.    You stare up at him, confused as to why you’re not feeling anything in your lower regions, before you realize what he was doing.    Rubbing your head with the once unoccupied hand, his fingers weaved into your hair as he sniffled. Something about the interaction was strangely intimate, but you don’t dare to say a word.     You inhale sharply, rubbing your face into his chest. You want to get closer, deep in bliss as he seemed to return the want back. You want to close any remaining space between the two of you, but making the first move was scary.    He yawns, and this triggers you to yawn as well. It was probably well past 1 AM by now, and you were tired.    You couldn’t hear much around you other then the honk of the growing sea of cars, some people just starting their night, and the others ending it.     “Oh shit. Our Uber’s here.” he mutters under his breath, pushing you out of his chest gently.    Whining, you try to push yourself back into his arms, he takes a quick glance down at you, traces of a faint lukewarm smile playing upon his lips. Almost like he’s saying, “Are you kidding me right now?” before taking a hold of your hand.     Fingers intertwining as if they were meant to be together, you gawk down at your hands, before looking back up at him.     There were a few issues, one, you had no idea if this man had an intent to kidnap you. Second, you didn’t know what the Uber looked like, and you’re too embarrassed to ask. Third, he was holding your hand with no hesitation, and the feeling in your chest was indescribable.    You can’t tell what he’s thinking, but you hope that it’s something along the lines of what you’re thinking. Your eyes briefly flickering over his jawline as you pondered to yourself, but what you do know is that you’re being dragged towards the presumed Uber. It’s sleek, and black, with a glossy finish, you note.    “Yo chill, I’m not gonna kidnap you, missy.” chuckling, examining your doubtful, yet frightened expression. He swung open the car door carelessly.    “After you, m’lady.” he adds, bowing and straightening, his chin up.     “Thank you, Sir Mysterious.” you give him a small smile before sliding into the sleek, comfortable seats.     His eyebrow raised, he looked at you.    “That’s a first.”     “It’s also a shit nickname, maybe that’s why you’ve never heard it.” you suggested.    “I like it. Has a nice ring to it.” a lukewarm smile played at his glossy lips.    The sly smile wipes clean off your face, he laughs at you while sliding into his designated seat, as if he owned the car.    Right. You were in a car, and it would be best for you to study your surroundings, just to make sure you weren’t being kidnapped.     The car was obviously expensive, black leather reclining seats, and a sweet offering of warmth against the chill of the midnight air.    A coffee cup idly stood in the cup holder, the driver taking a quick sip and turning his body to look at you two. Air fresheners and various trinkets dangled from the rear-view mirror, swinging back and forth     “A couple, eh? You wanna go to this address?”     The driver whipped his phone out, an address in black, bold text stood out.     “Yep.” the man says confidently.     Opening your mouth to speak, you try to inform the driver that he wasn’t your boyfriend, before your supposed boyfriend covers your mouth with his hand as soon as the driver repositioned towards the steering wheel.     You realize that his other hand is on your thigh, stroking your skin.    This newfound position was at the very least, terrifying. There was another person in the vehicle, for starters, and you weren’t exactly the quiet type when it came to, well, anything in general.     Cold, large calloused hands considerately caressed your thigh, and your breathing hitches. His other arm against his side, but you know his fingers are itching to feel you all over. You want to moan, but the driver’s presence is enough to tell you that it would be stupid.    Fingers drawing shapes, words, anything would repeatedly loop on the sensitive skin just barely. He was definitely teasing you, but you couldn’t quite fight back.    “Why don’t you be a good girl and stay quiet for me?” he whispers, you anticipate the driver to look back at the two of you, and to throw both of you off the car, but he does no such thing.    Feebly, you raise your arm up, ignoring the flirtatious request. Swatting his hand away in a desperate attempt to get him to stop before it got out of hand, but he’s persistent.    It’s getting even more difficult to breathe quietly now, your body getting hotter and hotter and hotter.    It doesn’t take long for a noise to slip out from your lips that you can’t quite shut up, and the driver turns to look at you.     “So precious.” the white haired man mouths to you before quickly turning his head to look at the window, humming to himself, still caressing your thigh.     “Ma’am? Are you okay?”     About to respond, the white haired man scooched closer to you. His clothed leg now rubbing your bare skin. He whistles innocently in the opposite direction before skimming his hand against your inner thigh, and you almost shriek.    Instead, you let out a pathetic gasp.    Panning his gaze over to you, he gives you a sly, playful smirk, before looking away again.    Drawing more shapes onto your skin, he hums. It was so hard to focus, or even remember the words the driver had said literally just a minute ago. You feel yourself shiver, almost losing yourself entirely to his hands before shakily responding to the driver, praying to any divine figure in the skies that you would be coherent.     “Y-yeah. Just, spilled water on m-my clothes.” you reply, barely audible.     The driver’s eyes stared back at yours, concern etched onto his features, before sighing. Tension grew inside of you.    “Alright, if you need anything, just ask, okay ma’am?”     Trying to respond, no sound comes out of your mouth, and the reason dawns on you. Taking a quick look down, the man’s digits were now fumbling with your panties, brushing against your wetness.     It takes a moment for you to register in your brain, you thank every entity possible for preventing the inevitable slew of noises you’d make. Waves of need crashing over your body. You hungrily stare at him, hoping that he’d be kind enough to stop and save it for later.     Circling your entrance through the now utterly soaked panties, he dips his finger in, just enough so you could feel the slight pressure against your sensitive skin.    He’s fucking taunting you again.    Driver be damned, you needed him.    Opening your legs more, you confidently peer at him, inviting him to explore your body even more. His fingers are drumming against the leather surface, the other hand had retreated back to your thigh,  boldly looking at you back.     “No. I thought you didn’t want to, what’s with the change of thought?” he mouths, stifling a chuckle and a smug tone, already knowing what you were going to ask.   Bewildered, you gape at him before shaking your head curtly, making sure you’re staring daggers at his stupidly arrogant face.     “Stop fucking playing with me then!”     “You’re too cute.”    “Fine then.” closing your legs, you stare out the window, your chin sitting on the palm of your hand. Flickering blurry lights passing by quickly. Looking at your reflection, you steal a quick glance at the flirtatious bastard.     “If you’re so angry, why can’t you look away from me for 1 second?” he whispers proudly.    You can’t think of a snarky remark, so you huff and look back at the window defeatedly.    What a cocky arrogant little-    Your bruised pride burning into ashes, you grunt in response before the car abruptly halts to its stop.    Were you two too loud?    “What are you two so scared for? Freezing up like a deer in headlights, we’re at your destination.” the driver said, twisting his head around, his eyebrow slightly raised.     “Oh, yeah, thanks.”     That was way too close to comfort, and you’re resisting the urge of banging on his chest for being so overly confident in his endeavors. You open the car door, cursing under your breath, swinging your legs out and lightly stepping out.     First thing you realize in the new destination? This guy was obviously loaded.     In front of you were a bunch of condos, and it was bound to cost a lot. Modern architecture was all you could see, wide windows and balconies in every corner. Suddenly, you’re self conscious about your outfit, were you too poorly dressed?    The man hums, placing his hand on your shoulder. Plant life was meticulously placed in such a beautiful manner that you promise yourself that you would search up his name- if you ever got it, on the Forbes lists.    “Like what you see?”    Snapping out of it, you look back at him, and you nod, still astounded by his presumed riches.    “Yeah? Lets go up missy, I got more to show, in more ways then one.”  ‧₊˚✩彡.            Standing in front of his door, you realize how quiet and still the atmosphere is. He fumbles with his keys, muttering to himself, and you can’t help but wonder if you’re about to have sex with some celebrity.     Not knowing how to start conversation, you clear your throat.     “You ever going to tell me your name?”     “Aw, the little baby still wants my name.” he cooed    “Call me Gojo.” he adds nonchalantly.    “(Y/N).” you reply, ecstatic. That wasn’t too hard, but you wonder why he didn’t just give up his name to you at the club earlier. Perhaps he didn’t think he was going to take you back?    “Aw, sugar. You scared?” Gojo says, looking you up and down. Well, that’s what you assumed. He still had his glasses on.    “No I’m not, who said that?”    “Look at your legs, missy.” he cheekily replies.    Looking down, you realize you’re violently shaking, and you didn’t even realize it.    “...Maybe.” you say coyly.    He breathily chuckles, finally opening the door with the right key.    You’re surprised by the presence of such a spotless place, a large, plush black leather couch was in one corner, the other, an island. Amazingly large windows replaced what would usually be the walls, and you could see the extent of the city life from where you’re standing.      “Slip your shoes off girly, sandals on the left. Can I offer you something?” Gojo questions you, walking over to the island.     “...I’m not much of a drinker.” you reply, still standing in the doorway. You were honestly more interested in him then the small talk.     “Baby, sit down. Don’t you wanna see me up close?” he pats the cushioned island seats, and you sheepishly walk over.    “I have apple juice too. If that’s more your vibe.” you watched him swirl some melting ice cubes around in a glass of water with a spoon.    “I’m not 12.” you retort, maybe the guy wasn’t a celebrity. No famous guy has apple juice in the fridge, rather then fancy champagne and wine.     Gojo snickers, “Hey, I’m not 12 either, I’m nearing my fucking 30′s but I can never reject a good box of apple juice, plus, I teach a group of kiddos that drink this shit like it’s fine wine.”     You pause, this guy was NEAR 30? He certainly didn’t look the age, and second of all, he bought apple juice just for the kids he taught? That was surprisingly sweet, but that didn’t explain the richness.    “You’re a teacher?” you nod as he hands you a chilled box of apple juice.     “Uh, yeah.” he scratches the back of his neck. “International Japanese teacher, sometimes I just teach in Japan as well. It pays good.”     “No way you actually live here. Is this your friends place?”     He laughs loudly, “So backhanded, and sassy! Nah, this is my place. As I said, job pays well. Feel free to stop by for a good fucking.” he says whilst pouring liquor into his glass cup.    “You’re really confident in your abilities of fucking people.” you sarcastically note aloud as he slides into the comfortable tall stool next to you, drink in hand.    “Hm, you weren’t saying that when I was touching you in that car, brat. How strange.” sipping his beverage lightly.     Your mouth zipped shut, and he laughs again.     “Aw, don’t go all awkward on me.” his once vacant hand now rubbing your shoulder. Setting down his drink, taking off his glasses. He doesn’t give you much time to admire his eyes, but what you can see is an almost aquamarine color, flecks of darker blue sprinkled throughout. So brilliantly colored it didn’t look real.     Before you realize it, he leans closer into your neck, suckling your skin and lightly nibbling. His breath fanning over your delicate skin, you can’t even hold back, gasping a little as his hands played with the hem of your cardigan, tugging at it playfully.     You can’t even formulate words. He was undeniably good, his suckling now gradually getting more harsher and harsher, and you dread coming back to your friends place, neck full of hickeys, you’d be nudged for whoever did that to you for the rest of your life.     He grunts, standing up in the little space between what was his stool and yours, even on such a surprisingly tall stool he still towered over you. He has to slightly crouch before his eyes is at the level of your neck, hungrily crashing back down.      “G-Gojo!” you squeaked, struggling to do much of anything. You’re limp on the stool, slumped and burning up. Your skin was ridiculously hot.     “Hmmm?” he smiles into your neck, pausing momentarily, you can feel him exhale harshly on your skin. You look him up and down, the sexual tension between the two of you was prominent, and so was the tent in his pants.     You feel a whine creep up towards your throat, now realizing just how wet you are. Ignoring this, you gesture to your clothes. The layers were sticking to you, and you never wanted anything more then to just get the sex started.    “...Hot.” is all you can muster pathetically.     “What was, baby?” he coos at you.     “Me.” shrugging off your cardigan the best you can, you let out a subtle whine, the weird feeling growing between your legs.     “Yes, we both know you’re hot.” tipping your chin upwards to look at him, he smiles. “use your words.”     “Clothes.. Off.” you pant, obviously sick and tired of the stupid sexual tension and the teasing.     “Full sentence, girly.” he repeats, stroking your cheek with his thumb.     You inhale his scent, smelling of expensive cologne and lingering sickeningly sweet alcohol. Looking up at him, but averting your gaze as soon as you saw those incredible eyes once again.    “Look at me.” he orders.    You peer up at him, swallowing.     “P-please, take my clothes off.” you say politely.     “All it took was a few hickeys? You really are a pretty kitty.” he smiles, kissing your forehead. “Get down.”     You nod obediently, getting off the stool and looking back up at him, anticipating his next step.     He bends down, swooping you up bridal style. One arm under your legs, gripped firmly onto the skin, the other under your waist. Your arms instinctively and rather slackly around his shoulders.     You expect something, a kiss, anything, but all Gojo does is walk down an endless hallway full of doors.     You lean closer into him while pouting, hoping that’ll catch his attention, but he doesn’t say a word.     “Where are we going?” you finally ask, growing needy.    “Bedroom. I’m not fucking on the couch. Pretty princesses deserve to be nice and comfy.” he replies back, fidgeting with the door knob. For a few seconds, all you can hear is how rapidly your heart is beating inside your chest, the rustling of clothes brushing against one another, and then the feeling sets in again.     You could very well be fucking someone that was out of your league.     He breathes a sigh of relief, and before you have the time to fully study his bedroom, he throws you off of the bed with a grunt.     Gojo’s toned forearms by your side, you were obviously trapped. You can see his chain just dangle barely swing back and forth on the tip of your nose, his lips curled into a lukewarm smile.    “You were so cheeky with me earlier, where’d she go?” stroking the corner of your lips.     He doesn’t give you the time to respond, instead locking lips with you and rolling over to be on your side. It starts off small and soft first, but it gradually grew hot. The fluttering in your chest only intensified. Tongues exploring every inch of one another’s mouth, you swear you can taste mint. The anxiety melted off of you like wax, and the only thing he could focus on was how soft you felt against his lips. Delightfully experienced enough for it to be good, but not better then him.    The smell of him was stronger now, and you’re sure you won’t be able to leave without some of it remaining on your clothes. Regardless, it was an addicting smell. Something you needed to come back to. Furiously exhaling through both of your noses, he finally lets go.     Dazed, your whole body tingles. You want him to claim you all as your own, hungrily staring at him for more. Both of you were radiating heat. The kissing left little for thought, and all you can think about is kissing him once again. It seemed that the more you spent with him, the more demand you had for his attention.    “Such cute noises. Makes me want to ravish you more.”     Gojo tenderly pulls you in, claiming your mouth as his once again. Fumbling with your cardigan, yanking it off of your body. Large, hot hands brushing against your now semi-exposed skin, and you know he wants more. His hands brushed against your butt under your skirt, and you shiver just a bit.     Pulling out from the kiss, he looks at you, panting heavily.     “So beautiful.” he murmurs, brushing his thumb against your swollen lips.     “You wanna know why they call me the best?”     You nod, his arm snakes above your waist, forcefully flipping you down head first into the blankets.     Just now realizing that all your clothes are no where to be found, presumably on the floor, you shiver at the cold air conditioner blowing against you. That is, besides your skirts and your tights.     “On your arms, baby. Knees too.” he instructs, patting your butt.     You obey, a warmth rushing to your cheeks again. He had you like a dog being trained by it’s owner, following their every order.     “Good girl.” he says under his breath.     You’re about to tell him that you’re still wearing tights, about to open your mouth, you heard a loud rip disturb the peaceful atmosphere, and a cold exposure to your lower regions.     You squeal, digging your face into the covers, and he chuckles again.     “Oh baby. You were begging for this, I can see why now.” you felt him drag his fingers against your panties, and you whimper.    “So impatient for my touch, aren’t you kitty? You’ll have to wait.”     About to complain, you look back at him before you find him shoving you down, sitting on your knees now, your nipples hardened in the air, but you want to be stimulated else where.    “Be patient, and you’ll be rewarded, no complaining.”     “But-” he cuts you off.     “Don’t fucking talk over me, you got that?”     “...Yes sir.”      His eyes soften, and he gives you a soft kiss on the forehead before his hands brushed against your nipples, rubbing them with his thumb. Rolling the sensitive bud, you loudly moan, trying to express that you wanted more.    “God, you’re so cute.” he says under his breath, still rubbing and now slightly pulling them. Placing his mouth upon the abused buds, you stifle a cry out.     Gently suckling, he used his other hand to play with the other attention-starved nipple mildly.     You whine out again, beginning to melt under his stupidly experienced hands and mouth. The attention was nice, but you needed it some place else, his eyes looked up at you, his wet mouth still suckling your breast.     Taking his wet mouth off your nipple, he looked at you, mischief still evident on his face.     “You like that?” he says,  cocking his head to his side.    “I-If I say anything, It’ll fill your stupid ego.” you breathed.     “And if you don’t say anything I’m not doing shit.” his hand now rubbing your butt.     “You ripped my tights!” you spat back.     “I’ll pay for it and more, no bother babygirl. Now tell me what I want to hear.”      He obviously wasn’t lying, he could probably turn any girl into putty if he just wanted to, and here you were, in the palm of his hand.     “...Please touch me more.” you uttered shamelessly.    “Good girl. On your back, spread those pretty little legs for me too, why don’t you?”     Lying down on the plush mattress and warm pillows, you stare at the ceilings.    You peered at him starting where he left off. Giving you faint, yet chaste kisses on your breasts, trailing kisses down your stomach.     “Aw, your panties are absolutely fucking soaked baby, how cute.” he cooed, parting the soaked fabric to the side.     You look at him undress thoughtlessly, but you’re sure he’s done this several times. He did it with little to no effort, but that would mean that you’re not special.    It would be useless to think about right now, you were gonna have the dicking of your lifetime anyway, it was called a one night-stand for a reason. The mountain of clothes grew taller.    Growing impatient, you look up to where he was once standing, only to find him already in between your legs.     “So pretty.” Gojo purred, circling your entrance just as he had done previously in the car ride, you squeak.     “So lucky this is all mine.”     Gojo had figured he could add, “for the night.” but that strangely felt wrong.     He dips his fingers into your walls, and you cry out. Wrapping around his digits, sobbing, this wasn’t enough to satisfy your cravings.     “You want more?” he huskily said, a tone of playfulness still rampant.     “Yes! Please, just fuck me!” you croaked, already damn near about to cum from the teasing.     “That’s my girl.” he whispered under his breath, slipping off boxers you didn’t even realize were there in the first place.      He doesn’t give you a chance to see his full length, instead ramming inside of you. You inhale sharply at the sudden disruption.     The throbbing evaporated into thin air, and you’re desperately grabbing at the sheets to steady yourself. Sweaty and sticky skin slapping against each other echoed throughout the room, along with your moans and his grunts. You could feel him reaching heights that you would never be able to do with the dildos you had at your house, much less your fingers. One hand on your waist to steady your flailing body, the other, roughly groping your breast.    You were finding it hard to think, pleasure and euphoria filling your senses. Unknowingly, you wrap yourself around Gojo even harder then before.     “Fuck, baby, I can barely pull out.” he panted. “you’re too tight.”      You can’t even begin to respond, still deep in your state of pleasure, instead responding incoherently with a jumble of delicate moans and gasps in between.     “C-cum!”      “Hm? Repeat that princess?” he soothed.    You’re unable to respond again, instead you try to lift your head up, and Gojo feels himself throb again, watching your eyes flutter back.     It’s not until it’s too late, realizing a hot fluid flow down your holes. He pulls out, he himself ejaculating on your stomach.     Both muscles stretched taut, you both laid on the bedsheets, sweating and panting.     “Fuck, I haven’t had a girl like you in a while.” he says, turning his head to look at you. Strands of hair stuck to your forehead.     “R-Really?” he kissed your forehead, tipping your chin with his long fingers.     “Yes, really. I’m so lucky I spotted such a pretty little thing at a club.”      The sun was starting to rise, you note, and you realize just how perfect his body is with the new light.     A sudden warmth on your cheeks, you look down, still panting.     “Clubs aren’t my thing.” you said breathlessly.     “Fuck. It’s 5 AM” he says, eyes now glued to his phone, ruffling his white hair.     “I’ll go-”     “No, here, lets take a shower with each other, and then we sleep.”      “Okay.” you responded, hoping to not make conversation, still believing that he was a celebrity.     He handed you his phone, rubbing the back of his neck.     “Can I get your number?”     “...Why?” you questioned.     “...To call you back again, duh.” he teases, rubbing your head.      No way, he wanted you back at his house?      You?    Not wanting to fuck up your chances, you nod, something was growing inside of you, and you weren’t quite sure what it was, but you knew he made you feel special.    

nine. SOFT

suna rintaro x fem! mitsuri reader

(kny x hq)

warnings: spelling mistakes,  2k+ words, italicized words/ sentences are her thoughts, mitsuri’s hair+eye color was used.

gen masterlist.      sakura mochi.

"suna-kun, what is this for, exactly?" she hummed curiously as she held onto his hair 

"f-for my strength of course" suna replied. he was currently tasked to do a hundred pushups by kita after lazing off at practice for way too many times. and he, for some reason, found it a good idea to make her sit on his back as he does this. 

there was really no telling what ran through suna's mind when he thought it would do him well to have her weighing him down

"but wouldn't your arms hurt from carrying me?" she asked with worry lacing her tone as she prompts to stand up 

"no, no. stay there." suna demanded as he pulled her back down on his back 

"well, im not really the lightest girl on the planet, so this may be really hard for you.. and it's extremely embarrassing for me" she muttered with a frown "and shouldn't i be sitting closer to your lower back?" she asks "this position will give you bad backaches" 

she gestured to herself, as she sat on his upper back, way too close to his shoulder blades, while her legs were slung over his shoulders 

"im likely to be quite heavier than most girls since my body mass is quite higher than normal, given the muscles that i train" she said "plus.. my more fatty areas if you may" she mumbled as she cleared her throat and nervously hugged her chest 

"no, no. you're perfectly fine the way you are, bunny" suna dismissed her self-deprecating comments with a scoff 

"besides this keeps me motivated" he mumbled out with a content sigh as he pushed her thighs closer to his face

her hand lightly gripped his hair as she let him squish his face with her thighs. "i don't really get how this is motivating" she chuckled sheepishly

"of course you wouldn't, you're not the one feeling bliss right now" suna said, though his words were slightly muffled "alright then.." she nodded with a bit of hesitance as she felt him tremble a concerning amount 

"um. suna-kun, if you think your arms are about to give out, then maybe we should stop for now" she suggested with a smile as she tries to stand up from his back 

"nah, i can do this bunny" he declined in a nonchalant tone 

"suna , what the hell are you doing?" aran sweat dropped as he entered the gym "oh! he's doing the punishment push-ups, aran-kun" she explained with a smile as suna shakily lifts himself up once more "yeah i get that but-" 

"OI, SUNARIN! WHAT DO YOU THINK YER DOING?!" atsumu yelled as he hurriedly ran towards y/n. the blond picked her up from her armpits and carefully lowered her to the ground 

"ah, that's it. the motivation's gone. i can't do this anymore" suna sulked as he let himself drop facedown on the ground "eh? is your face okay?" she asked worriedly as suna rolled over, showing his forehead which had a reddish bruise forming 

"no." suna responded 

"good afternoon everyone, what happened here?" kita asked them as he entered the gym "suna-kun lost his motivation" she replied with a frown as she stared down at the brunette 

"i see." kita hummed in response "but that still doesn't excuse him from the punishment." 

"cruel" suna mumbled from the ground 

"ah, don't worry! i'll do the rest for you" she said with a bright smile as she gets down on the ground beside him "no, no. i don't think it works like that, y/n" aran dismissed her suggestion as he picks her up from the ground 

"its fine! he only had to do eighty more, after all" she chuckled as she waved her hand dismissively "i can do it quite quickly" 

"y/n-san, you shouldn't face his punishments for him." kita told her with a furrowed brows "after all, you've been a great manager to us, so you don't have to do anything but relax for now" 

she frowned from his words and gingerly poked suna's chest, seeing as he was making no effort to move from the ground "but then suna-kun might get too tired to hang out with me later.." she muttered sulkingly as she fiddled with the ends of her braids 

"yeah, kita-san" suna mused with an exaggerated pout and puppy eyes "i might not have enough energy to hang out with her" 

"suna, you monster" aran snickered as he watched kita have a crisis in his head 

"i.. i see." kita muttered in defeat "you can do what you want" 

"but you really don't have to-" 

"okay, it's your turn to get on my back then, suna-kun!" she said with a smile as she got in a push-up formation "huh? is that really necessary, bunny?" suna gulped nervously "you may not be able to carry me-" 

"alright!" she cut him off as she abruptly pulled him down to sit on her, "tsumu-kun, count for us please!" 

"right right!" atsumu nodded in excitement as he got down to cheer her on 

"you see this, samu?! y/n-chan could probably do this better than you!" atsumu laughed tauntingly 

"hah?! she's probably also better than you, fatsack!" osamu yelled back in aggravation 

"hah?! well atleast i'm better than you!" atsumu defended "we'll see about that" osamu scowled as he got down on the ground beside her 

"fine then, i'll just join to prove you wrong!" atsumu huffed as he too got ready to do push-ups 

"theres more of us now! that's great!" she cheered cluelessly as she gave the twins a grin "alright, i'll count" suna mused as he pulled out his phone to take a video 

"ready, set, go!" and thus, what was supposed to be a punishment had turned into a competition. 

"h-how many have we done?!" atsumu wheeze out as he felt his arms start to tremble "hm, about a hundred and fifty maybe" she answered him with a hum as she continued to push her self up and down from the ground 

"that's way more than needed!" atsumu whined 

"you could always give up if you can't do it, tsumu!" osamu taunted his twin, even though he was facing some troubles as well. 

"hmph, as if! this is easy!" atsumu boasted with a grin "i could do this in my sleep" 

"im glad to hear that, tsumu-kun!" she beamed happily "shall we do another hundred then?" 

atsumu's face dropped as she heard those words leave her mouth. his skin was turning ghostly pale as he nervously laughed in response. "a-another hundred?" he squeaked out 

"yep! suna-kun seems to be enjoying this quite a lot, after all" she said with a smile as she looked at the brunette 

suna was currently taking way too many selfies, which were all taken at a facebook mom angle, while he throws up peace signs and flipping off the twins "alright, now here we see the miya twins getting absolutely bodied by y/n." suna sneered to the camera as he zoomed in on the twins' faces 

"look at her! look at her go!" suna cheered with a playful smirk as he patted y/n's braided locks 

"the absolute best. spectacular. amazing. never been seen before. better than all of you." suna listed out

"yuh, get it best friend" suna chuckled as the twins finally gave up and let themselves drop on the ground 

"ah, over already?" she said "usually i would have to do a thousand for our typical training session with my friends" 

"your friends are not normal! who the heck does that?!" atsumu shrieked in horror "well, it doesn't matter now, doesn't it?" she laughed carefreely "you both did a very nice job!" 

she patted their heads with a proud smile as she handed them two towels to wipe off their sweat "thanks" the twins mumbled out with a droopy smile as they relished in her sweet and gentle touches 

"anyways.." she said as she abruptly retracted her hands, much to their displeasure, and turned to face suna "suna-kun, we can hang out now, now that that's done" she said in an eager tone as she excitedly rocked her heels back and forth 

"yup. thanks again bunny" suna said as he slung his arm around her shoulders "but you really didn't have to do that for me" he said with a lazy hum as he led her to the benches 

"oh, it's fine. it was honestly pretty easy-" 

she cut herself off as she was met with suna's face inching closer to her, while his hand reaches out to hold the side of her head "eh?" she squeaked out as she blinked to make sure her eyes weren't playing tricks on her.

'is he.. is he gonna kiss me?'   she thought to herself 

'im not ready!'  she panicked as she felt her face start to get hotter 

'no, no. im ready! i've been dreaming of this!'  she pondered with determination 

'suna-kun is gonna kiss me!'  she squealed internally  

'then afterwards, we can get married and live together and have a family of bunnies and hamsters! maybe we can adopt tanjiro and nezuko too-' 

"your hair's all messy" suna mumbled as he grazed his fingers through the long braid before finally taking the hair tie off at the ends 

"ah." she huffed out with a blank smile 

she sat still as he took off her other hair tie and started undoing and untangling her braids, leaving her long and thick pink and green hair flowing down in pretty waves upon her back

"turn around for me, bunny" suna commanded in a whisper as he patted her waist to turn "o-okay" she replied nervously as she obediently turned around and kept her hands on her lap 

"your hair's so pretty, bunny" suna whispered to her ear as he started combing his fingers through her soft locks "really? thank you, suna-kun" she mumbled out in gratitude as she flusteredly rubbed her hands and thighs together 

"and your hair colour's so adorable. makes you look so cute" suna cooed as he played with the ends of her hair 

"r-right.." she mumbled quietly as she covered her reddened face with her hands. silence had washed upon them along with the various voices of the team as suna started braiding one side of her head 

"where did you learn how to braid, suna-kun?" she asked in curiosity as she held down the other half of her hair "my sister made me do her hair all the time, so i just got better as time went by" suna explained with a shrug 

"can't say her hair was as nice as yours though" suna sighed "it was like a rat's nest with all the knots" 

her eyes shined in adoration as she heard his adorable reason. she gripped her pounding chest as hearts start surrounding her form "suna-kun, that's so sweet!" she squealed "i never expected that from you!" 

"guess so, hm?" suna mumbled out nonchalantly as he tied her hair in place 

'ah, just as i'd thought' she thought to herself 

'he's the perfect husband after all!'  she cried happily in her mind

"anyways, what'd you wanna do?" he asks her as he proceeded to braid the other side "hm, we could go to the same place kiyoomi-kun and i went to yesterday!" she suggested with a grin 

"he liked it, so im hoping you would as well" she hummed happily as suna ties the end of her braid 

"is that so?" suna hummed "where is this exactly?" he asked "its a secret hideout!" she said "but.. its only a wisteria garden and a private teahouse" she admitted 

"theres also a koi pond by the back, but kiyoomi-kun wasn't able to see it" she said "i was hoping to save it for you" she admitted bashfully 

"for.. me?" suna muttered in surprise 

"yeah.. i went there last night to prepare you food so we can eat by the pond and watch the sunset.." she mumbled "but i was also thinking of doing it at night since the fireflies would light our surroundings and it would look really pretty.." she hummed dreamily 

suna blinked dumbfoundedly as he listened to her ramble on and on about their planned hangout 

"but we could also-oh im sorry" she cut herself off with a nervous laugh "was i talking too much?" she asked nervously "sorry if i talked too much!" 

"people say i never shut up, so you can tell me when i'm annoying you" she waved her hands dismissively "you're not annoying me, bunny" suna said with a sigh 

he took her shaking hands in his and pulled her up to her feet. "let's go have that picnic you planned out, yeah?" suna asked with a small smile "wouldn't wanna let your efforts go to waste" he chuckled 

"okay.." she muttered as she hung her head low. her cheeks flushed a dark pink as she nipped at her lips to calm herself and her pounding heart. 

"y'know, your hands are really soft, y/n" suna said as he brought her hand up to his line of sight to further inspect it 

"a-ahm! please don't do that!" she laughed sheepishly as she retracted her hand and hid it behind her back "why? what's wrong, bunny?" suna asked worriedly as he stopped in his tracks to look at her 

"well, my hands aren't the prettiest so you shouldn't look at them for too long" she said with a shaky smile. suna furrowed his brows and frowned as he listened to her awfully degrading words. 

"they're the prettiest, bunny. i don't get what you're talking about" he said 

"well, my hands are super scarred because if sword fighting, and they're very nasty to look at" she said as she rocked on her heels "or so i've been told.." she muttered 

suna sighed and slumped his shoulders, stuffing his own hands in his pockets as they quietly continued on their way. her usual smile wasn't present as she kept her vision straight ahead. her hands stayed hidden behind her back as well. 

suna slyly side eyed her, debating in his head on what he would do, before coming to conclusion with a sigh "c'mon, im in the mood to eat" he said with a yawn 

he grabbed her hand and stuffed it in his pocket alongside with his. his thumb lightyly rubbing shapes on the scarred skin. 

'what is he doing?'  she thought to herself 

her eyes glistened as she put her other hand over her chest, her heart beating more erratically than before. "if we do this, you won't feel sad anymore right?" suna muttered as he looked away to avoid eyecontact 

"i think so.." she mumbled in reply 

"alright then, its settled" suna huffed out. "were walking like this starting now, kay?" 

"that way no one'll see your hands since you don't like it" he said. his olive green eyes peered at her as he put up a nonchalant facade to throw her off. 

'he's doing this all for me?'  she thought to herself 

'wow.. suna-kun really is the best' 

she smiled happily as she scooted closer to his side. suna sighed in relief as the skip in her step finally came back, as well as the sweet melody she always seems to hum. 

"are you happy now, bunny?" he asked her 

"yeah! and it's all thanks to you, suna-kun!" she said as she swayed her other hand back and forth while the other stays intertwined with his 

"glad i could help, bunny" 

"so this is giyuu's fish, and that one's rengoku-san's, that white one with red spot is uzui-kun's" she listed out 

"muichiro-kun's fish is dead because he forgot about it and it starved to death" she said 

"and this is mine!" she said as she pointed to a certain koi fish in the pond 

"i have no idea who those people are, but let me see yours.." suna scooted closer to the water and watched as the fish followed her finger, which she swirled around the water 

"i named him koi" she said with a smile as she lifted the fish out of the water "you named the koi fish koi?" suna sweat dropped 

"yup! and also because it means love" she explained "obanai-kun helped me name it.. he said it suited me as the owner" 

"it does suit you" he agreed with a nod 

"anyways, you better put him back or he'll die" suna said as he pointed to the fish in her palms which was flapping around in discomfort 

"ah! im sorry, koi-chan!!" she exclaimed as she gently placed it down on the pond "i forgot you can't breathe here!" she cried out as she leaned down to pet it gently with her finger 

"have some mochi!" she squeaked out in distress as she tried to feed it a whole ball of sakura mochi. she panicked even more as the fish declined her offering and opted to swim away 

"eh?! you don't like it?! are you mad at me?" she sulked as she gloomily placed the mochi on a lily pad and let it float away 

suna chuckled and pulled her back by her arm, letting her rest her back on his chest as she continued to sulk "you're adorable, bunny" he muttered with a soft laugh as he rested his chin on the crown of her head 

'so soft.'  suna thought to himself as he wrapped his arms around her.

"sorry about that, suna-kun" she said "koi-chan might hate me if i don't leave him some mochi on his lily pad like usual"

"though im starting to think he doesn't actually eat it and oba-chan just takes it out by morning.." she mumbled "hmm, im sure he eats it with his fish friends." suna said as to entertain her

"but now, we have to eat as well" he said as he took a mochi and shoved it in her mouth

"mmhm. thwanks suna-kun" she said through muffled words as she chewed the gummy treat. suna simply peered down at her, watching her eat with a single thought causing his mind to go in a frenzy

"should i do it.." he pondered out loud as he hesitantly brought his hands up to her face

"hm? do what- eh?" she blinked dumbly and looked up at him with curious doe eyes "what're you doing, suna-kun?" she asked him 

"hmm.. soft." he mumbled 

she blinked cluelessly as he kept on squishing and massaging her cheeks, lightly pinching the soft and plump tissue with a look of amazement 

"so soft." he mumbled once again as he pinched them one last time 

"hm.. what else should we do?" she asked him as she scooted away from him to face him properly. she smiled nervously as suna kept staring at her with his olive green eyes. 

his expression stayed monotonous, almost like he didn't care, but the bright and flowery aura surrounded him, said otherwise.

"should we walk home or take the train?" she asked him "the miya's residence and your home isn't really that far away, right?" she pondered 

"though, i don't want you to tire yourself out by walking" she said in concern "sorry, am i talking too much again?" she asked with an apologetic smile as she realised he still hasn't responded or moved an inch from his initial position 

"its fine, bunny." he spoke "i think i wanna walk home with you" he said as he stood up from the ground and dusted the bottom of his sweatpants 

"i'd like to hold your hand again" he admitted through a yawn as he stretched his arms over his head 

"eh? really?" she asked in disbelief 

"of course" suna reassured her "though, after this i'd like to see you training with a sword." he said "it'd be cool seeing you swing it around and deck some guys, yeah?" suna mused as he looked around the wisteria covered path 

"really? would you like to visit the dojo with me sometime?" she asked excitedly with a grin 

"sure, bunny" 

"i'd also like to meet whoever said your hands were ugly. i'll beat them up."

"ah, there's no need to" she chuckled nervously 

"so.." suna trailed off "wanna hold hands again?" 

"yes please."

Nothing Left To Give

chapter four • smile

Kat didn't mention her DID until two weeks after that, and Malcolm found himself thinking about her more then he probably should have.

And Kat knew it too. They had been getting closer and closer and she could tell how curious he was. Over the span of the 7 weeks they had become friends, and Kat was confident in saying he was one of the closest friends she ever had, so much so that even some of the Others wanted to meet him.

Driving each other to and from the precinct was becoming a regular occurrence, and he slowly revealed more and more about his past, opening up to her much quicker then she was to him.

"So thats what you're trying to figure out? If the girl in the box is real and who she is?"

"Yeah. Funnily enough, trying to solve a murder where the only evidence is unreliable memories is kind of...hard."

"I understand that. Not the murder part, but everything else."

His curiosity had been temporarily put on the back burner while he told her his story, but now it was at the forefront of his mind.

She noticed almost immediately. She kind of felt bad about it, and was planning on telling him when the time was right.

The time never seemed right.

And when it did, she couldn't bring herself to talk about it. So she eventually just waited for him to bring it up.

He was in her apartment again, looking at some of the pictures on her wall and laughing as she told stories of the people in them.

He noticed quickly that none of them were members of her family.

"What about your family?" He asked, before he even realized the can of worms he might have opened by doing so.

She tensed immediately, turning to look at him.

"We don't... talk."

Malcolm looks up at her, noticing for the first time that she was taller then him.

"Do you mind if I ask why?"

She sits down on her couch, tucking her feet underneath her. Malcolm sat next to her.

"They didn't believe me when I told them what was... happening... to me."

His breath hitched. His mind reeling from the possibilities of what that meant. He supposed that he could ask. They had gotten a lot closer, and if she didn't want to talk about it, he could wait longer. No problem.

"And... what was happening to you?"

She looked away from him, eyes widening for a split second, and then she slowly took a deep breath.

This was it. He had asked, and she didn't know if she was ready.

She could dive head first into telling him and risk freezing in the fridgid water, or stay safe and dry, but risk putting a wall between her and Malcolm.

She decided to just take the plunge.

"...bad things." She whispered. And even just thinking about it, her brain was assaulted with memories, and she already felt herself slipping.

"Bad, bad things...hurt... it hurt."

She screwed her eyes shut, fists clenching. Her nails dig into her palms and she sucks in a breath.

Malcolm watched, letting her set the pace, but his brows were furrowed in concern. He knelt down in front of her and offered his hands. She took them with a crushing grip.

"...hold on... someone..." her breath hitched.

"Someone's here. Sorry." Malcolm watched in both worry and fascination.

"Its... okay. Take your time." He responded.

He knew what was happening. She was doing what she had told him was "switching". One of her alters was coming. He was very curious, but he was also fearful as to what would happen next.

Would he ruin everything? He hoped not.

Kats eyes unfocused for a second, and then she stopped.

She looked up, eyes blinking.

She continued staring for a second and looks around.

When he heard her voice, he didn't know what to think.

"...I was told to not like... pretend to be Kat."

Malcolms eyes widen, and hes taken aback. Her voice sounds so different. A touch lower, and with a strong Essex accent, her words somehow a mix of dramatic and lazy sounding.

"Uh... yeah. Who is this?"

"Has she told ya any of our names?"

"...No. But I've never asked. Wanted to go at her own pace."

Kat-whoever- nods at that, looking down at their clothes.

"What the fuck is this? Kat I told ya not to dress us in a skirt!"

He looks at the person in front of him.

"You don't like skirts?"

"Nah. Its not my style. I'm Haven. Primary protector and ex-prosecutor. Basically means I didn't used to be a great person. I'll explain more later if I feel like it. Its my job to protect us, and my job to judge whether someone is safe. You seem to be okay for now."

He was at a loss for words. He was given almost zero warning, however he assumed that she wasn't either.

"So what 'ave you said to set 'er off then?" She said, glaring. It was so weird, he thought, how her entire demeanor has changed. Man or woman. Or whatever. He didn't even know.

The glare on her face looked so unnatural, like it didn't belong there.

"We sort of got onto the topic of her past. And then... you came out." He said.

"Sorry, who exactly are you? You specifically. Not just your role." He said, confused and cautious as to where to go from here.

"Are you askin' what I look like?" She responded, the way she holds herself that of a completely different person.

"Maybe. Or just who you are. What you like and dislike, your interests."

She stares at him, tilting her head.

"Well for one thing, my skin is a bit darker then this, Kat is atrociously pale. I've got short, curly black hair and freckles."

He tries to imagine it, but its hard. He's looking at what he knew as Kat, but now, she's someone different.

Haven continued talking.

"I've got sort of big eyes. Small nose. Thick eyebrows. Big-ish lips. I look like I'm mixed race, but I don't like to think of myself as that because I will never relate to the struggles of being black and I will never be fully emersed in the culture. The body is Korean, and I don't think it's appropriate to be say that I'm mixed race because my actual real life body is not."

Malcolm nods. He could understand that.

So Haven, he noted, was a rambler.

"Im an integrated alter. I used to be three people. I have the memories of three different people and I remember them all separately. I have access to all the memories and trauma, so don't fuck with me." She says the last bit with a bit of sadness and anger.

Haven was really closed off, he thought. She looked at him with a fierceness he couldn't describe, and soon, he found himself noticing all the differences between them. The more she talked, the more she became her own person to him.

"I have just a few things to say to you before I go back inside-"

"Inside where?" Malcolm asked, cutting her off, suddenly very confused. More then he already was.

"Back to inner world. We have a whole world inside our head. We all live in an apartment building. Well not all. We have a cave, a pool, a forest, other stuff. When we're fronting, we're sitting in the lobby. I sound insane when I say that, but its true."

She shrugged.

Shes right, he thought.

It did sound insane.

And if he didn't already know a bit about the disorder, he would have called her out.

And some would say the same about his mental health problems.

So he believed her.

"So... you protect Kat?"

"Yes. And everyone else. Its my job. I was the first one made, the first one to take it instead of her."

His brows furrowed at that.

"What does that mean?"

She looks up at him.

"It means that when fucked up shit was happening to us I took her place so she didn't have to deal with it."

He thought about that. Fucked up shit? Like what? Did it have to do with his father? He shuddered at that thought.

It had taken him almost every ounce of willpower to not ask Kat about it, but he figured could ask Haven. So he did.

"Does the name Martin Whitly ring a bell?"

She stood up then, and dragged him up by the collar of his shirt, eyes intense and angry.

"How do you know that name?" She asked through gritted teeth, voice low.

Struck a nerve, then.

"He-He's my father." He said. Her eyes widened and she threw him onto the couch.

"Have you seen him recently? Don't lie to me I swear to God I will know."

He was taken aback. Things had taken a 180 faster then he could even process what was happening.

Struck a big nerve, then.

He could tell the truth, but what if it ruined their friendship?

Or he could lie, but she said she will know. That would probably ruin their friendship even more...

Before he can even stop himself:

"Yes."

She sits down then, eyes clenching.

"You have to take me to him."

He stands up, fists clenching.

"No. Absolutely not." He couldn't let his father ruin their friendship. He wouldn't let him.

"Either you take me to him or I go myself."

"You can't."

"I'll find a way." Her eyes glinting in determination. He suddenly got the feeling that she wasn't joking.

He took in a shuddery breath, hands shaking.

"Fine."

_______________________________________

Haha no proofreading here we die like Eve.

Like and comment yall. These chapters take a while to write and always have between 1,400-1,900 words and I would really appreciate it if this story spread a bit.

Thx yall.

“Ice Cream Sunday”

Prompt: Depression Comfort One-shot feat. Olivia & the Turts

Warnings: Lots of internal reflection about depression and mental health stuff. Also there’s like one curse word, maybe more, I don’t remember??

Word Count: 1,783

A/N: The formatting on the original post got royally FUCKED as always and near gave me a heart attack when I realized what I did. Hope you don’t mind @dw-im-just-sad​! I also hope that there are sunnier days ahead for you, I too have been struggling with a depression episode recently (which is part of why the drabble for this prompt is coming in a little later than I’d have liked it to), so I definitely know at least some of the feeling. <3

Lazy Sundays were normally pretty good in Olivia’s mind.

The lack of obligations, the peace and quiet paired with the promise of a more fun night ahead when the boys got finished training or doing whatever it is they did during the day. Today’s Lazy Sunday didn’t feel as good though, if anything it made her feel worse the more that she was a part of it. Staring up at the ceiling of the lair, her mind felt simultaneously numb and tired while still managing to be alive with an uncomfortable amount of unaddressed emotions.

Aside from the laid back bliss that came with a Lazy Sunday, this was supposed to be her happy place. Although the initial experience of the stench when she came in was (and always would be) unforgiveable, her nose became adjusted to it until it was practically background noise amidst the experience of being with the turtles. Their little home environment was always so loving and warm, a spot where she could escape or run away from a world that felt so harsh and anxiety-inducing and instead surround herself with people that eased her into smiling even when life was at its most difficult.

Even if the lair was usually a safe and happy place for her, it didn’t mean that it cancelled out the rest of her own very prominent emotions, particularly right now. Reluctantly, Olivia had to admit that this was probably her depression again, baring its teeth and looking for a fight that she didn’t have the energy to start. It wasn't like it ever went away when she met the boys, if anything it just enjoyed burying itself like an ostrich in the sand when they were around before pulling its head back up when they weren't. It didn’t quite like company as much. After all, it was infinitely easier to take her down when she was alone.

Blinking slowly, she recognized that while there may not have been one singular reason for the depression to start bubbling up, its persistence despite her attempts at distracting herself from it probably meant that it would be there to stay for a while, or at least until she found a big enough distraction to offset the emotions and the experiences. The boys had said they wanted to run a movie marathon once the day’s activities were over, so that would probably help. Or at least she hoped it would.

Olivia ran her hand down her face and let out a deep and shaky breath. The weight of her own emotions started nudging her closer to tears, and she gave in rather reluctantly. She tried to be quiet, only letting one or two tears out so she wouldn’t break into a full out sob. This wasn't the place to cry and be sad, this was the party pad and nobody cries when they're in the party pad, Mikey had said it himself one time.

Right as she was about to get up off the couch she had been curled up on to get herself a glass of water, her eyes quickly met with Mikey's. He was hovering over her now, a few beads of sweat on his forehead running down the side of his face. Their training session must have been particularly brutal today if even Mikey was sweating. Normally that was reserved for Donnie, he tended to get winded a little bit faster given the brutal workout routine Splinter kept them on.

"Are you crying, dude?"

"No," Olivia said defensively. She sat up so she wouldn't have to feel like she was under a magnifying glass quite as much as she did with Mikey peering down at her from over the back of the couch. "I'm tired, that's all."

"Nah, nah, dude you were crying, I can see it in your eyes they’re all red and stuff," Mikey seemed really insistent with one hand reaching for and firmly grasping her shoulder. His face seemed more empathetic than it did confrontational. "What's wrong? You can talk to me."

"I-"

A jumbled mess of every last thing that had ever felt wrong or ever been wrong throughout her entire life flashed in front of her mind. It wasn’t like one specific reason stood as the answer to why she felt like this, it was more like an unfortunate combination of it all that left her drained, and had been leaving her drained for years now. She frowned, then looked down at her jeans and began picking at the worn frays of denim at the bottom of her pant legs. Talking about it would just get complicated, especially to Mikey. He oozed pure light and joy almost all the time, would he really understand what this kind of thing felt like?

"Seriously Mikey, its not that bad, just feeling kinda off I guess. I'll be okay."

Mikey narrowed his eyes at her before thrusting himself over the back of the couch and onto the cushions to join her. Clearly he wasn’t buying it. “Its okay to cry, I do too,” He said softly. His own openness to admitting his emotions was remarkable seeing as . “He wouldn’t wanna admit it, but Raph does too at those puppy commercials.”

“ASPCA Ads.” Donnie interrupted through a sigh. He had been sitting in his desk nearly the entire time, typing away at something important while monitoring the security cameras. As for how he managed to get out of today’s training, she didn’t know, but he at least had seemed to be enjoying his little vacation time away. He got up from his chair and plopped himself down criss-cross on the floor in front of them, whispering, “Sometimes we gotta flip the channel cause he gets all worked up seeing them. But you didn’t hear that.”

Olivia couldn’t help but smile, even if it was just a weak smirk that tugged at the corners of her lips. That sounded like Raph alright, the boy had a soft spot for pit bulls and other big tough seeming dogs and seeing them suffering in kennels all alone would probably pull at every last heartstring he didn’t even know he had.

“I better not have heard you say what I just think I did.” The now looming shadow over her spoke. She turned her head and saw it was Raph, who only peeled his eyes away from Donnie for a moment to look down at Olivia. Suddenly the thought of beefing with Donnie outside for embarrassing him didn’t seem as important to him once he caught sight of her puffy and reddened eyes. “Are you crying?”

“Fine.” She gave in. “Yeah, I am, but its fine, seriously. Don’t worry about it.” Olivia sighed. “Sometimes I...I don’t know, I just feel like this, no reason to worry.”

“Nah, I ain’t worrying, just wanna make sure its not because of one of these two knuckleheads.” Raph responded coolly before shoving at Mikey playfully and pushing him off the couch so he could sit. “Why are you feeling like that though?”

“I don’t know,” Olivia sighed. “I just do sometimes. It doesn’t really ever go away, just subsides for a little while."

A couple moments of silence filled the air, only punctuated by the sounds of Leo's footsteps as he joined the conversation and sat down beside Donnie. "What's going on?" He asked, looking from brother to brother.

"Olivia's been feeling super sad and its bumming her out." Mikey answered, rolling onto his back.

Great. Now everybody was on her case. Olivia braced herself for the long and draining conversation that was bound to be ahead about why she was actually sad and why she had depression when her life “wasn't as bad as some other people”. She had heard it all before and none of it helped, it only made her feel worse, like she was a weight that everyone else was forced to carry.

"Is there any way we could help?" Leo asked. His expression seemed genuine, as if he was coming from a place of understanding rather than judgement. As her gaze drifted over each brother she noticed a similar strain of understanding and friendly compassion behind their eyes (except for Mikey, who was still laid back on his shell waving his arms back and forth as if he were making snow angels.) Even the usually closed off Raphael, who seemed particularly invested in what she might suggest.

Olivia didn’t really know what would help if she was honest with herself, but maybe there was some merit behind the thought that their genuine desire to help her could take the edge away for the time being or push her out of the storm clouds she had been sitting under. Her gaze once again drifted across the room to each turtle, hesitating to answer as she parted and closed her lips again. What would help?

“I don’t know.” She answered truthfully, feeling a little embarrassed at her own lack of an answer yet again. There had to be something, she just didn’t know what it was, couldn’t place her finger on it. Crawling out of one of these depressive episodes was a process, not something that happened overnight.

“That’s okay!” Mikey said, now sitting back up and pointing a set of finger guns at her. “We can help until you do know.”

"We could all use a little company when we're not feeling good." Don smiled.

“Not going anywhere until you’re feeling better.” Raph nodded in agreement.

Small waves of relief washed over Olivia’s body. The numbest parts of her mind began to feel a little more warm and relaxed. The turtles didn’t know the full extent of how much their friendship meant to her, or the positive effect they had on her most crushed and beaten down psyche. Despite maybe not entirely understanding, they were still able to offer a hand out in peace, something that reminded her of why she so often called the lair her second home. This was a happy place, a party pad, a place to have a good time like Mikey always said. But Olivia saw another side of the lair too now.

This could be a place where she was able to cry and feel her emotions while still having a support system at her side by the end of the day.

Although she still felt pretty shit, Olivia finally had something on her mind that she felt like could help her, even if it was just a little. “Movies and ice cream.” She said softly, rubbing her puffy eyes. As Mikey excitedly got up to fulfill the ice cream part of her request, she shouted after him.

“Two scoops!”

the seat next to his | seonghwa

— TYPE: college!au, fluff, requested

— WORD COUNT: 2.5k

— SYNOPSIS: you’ve had the biggest crush on your friend seonghwa, and either he was oblivious and only saw you as a friend, or he was really good at hiding his truest feelings.

— MESSAGE: hello!! im really enjoying your ateez scenarios!! could i request maybe a college ateez scenario? any member is fine but… maybe seonghwa?? i’m sorry if this is too vague!! keep up the good work!

— AUTHOR’S MESSAGE: thank you so much for requesting this omg i like college aus a lot!! i’m deff gon write seonghwa just cause you said “maybe seonghwa”heheheheheh AND THANK YOU FOR ENJOYING MY SCENARIOS!!!

the first day of university was going better than you anticipated it to be. you were in your fourth class of the day, nearly done and you wanted to go home and rest. while the day was going well, it was slowly wearing you down minute by minute. but if, you thought, you could survive the first year of university, you can survive the second one.

however, the first year wasn’t so ideal. it was a mess, and you did not know what to do at all. your friends all moved to different schools, which left you alone at the one you attended. although, they said they were going to attend the university you were going to but bailed. or was it their back up plan? either way, they didn’t tell you about their schools. so, of course you felt a bit blue after finding out they weren’t going to attend your school.

the minute you stepped into your fourth period classroom, your hope of knowing people immediately deteriorated. you stopped hoping that there’d be someone you were at least acquaintances with. you took a seat next to the only seat open, next to a boy who had dark hair and wore a bright orange long sleeve. you decided to not let him know that you were going to sit next to him, you just sat down and huffed.

“the day will be over soon..” you muttered, pulling your laptop out of your backpack and its sleeve and plopping it with extra care on your desk. you had hoped the boy next to you didn’t hear you, and the girl next to you. it’s too soon to scare them away. you let out a deep breath, raising your eyebrows to make sure your eyelids weren’t to close during the lesson. another thing was you were too scared to even introduce yourself to the boy next to you and the girl on the other, so you decided to rely on the professor to say their names.

but it happened way too fast, you were too busy waiting for your name to be shouted above the class. your seatmates’ names went past your hearing and now you can’t ask them for assistance. great job, though.

“excuse me,” said the boy next to you. your head slowly turned to him, eyes leaving your laptop screen to turn your attention to him. and boy, was he the most gorgeous man you’ve ever seen. he had dark hair, fringe flowing past his eyebrows and high enough for him to even see what he was doing. he had a sharp nose, as sharp as his jawline when all you could see was the side of his face and very plump lips. how could someone be this gorgeous? it made you a bit insecure thinking about what the girl on your right looks like. “i didn’t hear the professor say your name. what’s your name?”

he was doing the same thing as you, listening for your name. “y/n. my name is y/n.”

the boy nodded, his hair bouncing against his forehead. “my name is seonghwa, by the way.”

it was easy for you and seonghwa to click, and the next couple of days you became close to him. he was a tall dude, and he smelled like a typical men’s cologne. seonghwa had a nice sense of style, which you liked a lot. and he was polite, a gentleman and funny; almost everything you looked for in a man. though, you already accepted that people like and who look like seonghwa must have high standards when it comes to looking for a significant other, so you dismissed the thought of ever dating him.

seonghwa asked you if you’d want to go to an ice cream parlor and get some ice cream. it was a bit humid, and you’ve been cooped up in your room for way too long. you agreed, meeting him downtown at the ice cream parlor. he was already sitting on a chair, busying himself with his phone as he waited for you. he had on a plain white shirt, black basketball shorts and his vans, and to complete the look he had tied up his fringe. the sweat on his forehead became a bit more noticeable.

“i’m here,” you announced, putting your bag on the seat to your right. he looked up, stuffing his phone away in his basketball shorts and greeted you with a smile. you felt your heart thump, considering you’ve developed a small crush on park seonghwa. you sat down, ignoring your thumping heart. “did you get my ice cream?”

“yes, and it’s my treat so you don’t have to pay,” he said, resting his chin on his hand with his eyes still trained on you. you were supposed to go to lotte world together, but decided that it was too hot and would much rather chill at his air-ventilated apartment. speaking of, he got his apartment a few days after the first day of school and you gladly helped him settle in. a few of his friends came by to help out, and they introduced themselves to you with a handshake. you still remember how their hands felt against yours considering they shook your hand with a vigorous attitude.

“no, i insist, i’ll p-”

“i just said you don’t have to,” seonghwa said with a lazy smile. it had always been this way; he always insists on paying for everything. you always had a guilty gut feeling building in your stomach, and whenever you tell your mother she was the one to gush over it, rather than yourself!

“why do you do that? all the time?” you asked, bringing out your handheld fan and clicking on the button, to which seonghwa brought out his matching one. his hair fringe began blowing back, eyes closing from the cool wind emitting from his fan. “it makes me feel bad, like a lot.”

“i told you, it’s fine!” seonghwa said, now chuckling at you. next time, you’ll get him. maybe ask him out to dinner, or eat dinner at your dorm room but not tell him what kind of food you were going to eat with him. having him pay for everything was truly the best way to make you feel bad. hell, he even pays for your movie tickets and the food that you want to munch on! though, he stopped asking what you want to eat because it was always the same type of food that you ask for. “i really wanna tell you something, once we get out of this place with our ice creams.”

and that was when your heart started racing. he had something to tell you, and your mind began thinking of the best worst case scenarios. do people think you two were together and he doesn’t want to be associated with you as your boyfriend? possibly. or maybe he needed help with his project in some class you didn’t have with him. anything was possible, and you anticipated the moment the minute you and seonghwa were out of the ice cream parlor and walking down the street.

“do you want to go to the han river? i heard it’s quite cool there,” he said after taking his plush lips away from the straw.

“please, anywhere cool is fine,” you told him.

“actually,” he said, obviously changing his mind. he stopped in his tracks, eyes staring into yours. seonghwa adopted the habit of looking straight into your eyes when he was thinking and it always scared you because you don’t know what he was thinking of, yet the windows to his soul bore right into yours. and he kept staring, eyes blinking and his bottom lip caught between his incisors. “let’s just go to my apartment. i’ll blast the ac.”

“that’s a waste of energy,” you said, not even thinking twice as soon as you started walking in the direction to seonghwa’s apartment. “won’t that drive up your bills?”

“can they blame me for doing that? it’s like we’re living in the sun with this heat,” seonghwa responded, and you giggled in return.

and maybe you should’ve taken your car, because if you did you wouldn’t be dying on the street with seonghwa and your matching handheld fans. the fans weren’t much help as it was giving you hot ventilation from the hot atmosphere. you regretted not driving down to the ice cream parlor in the first place.

upon arrival, the apartment was a degree more cooler than the outside world. seonghwa beelined it to the thermostat and make the room colder. you threw yourself on the couch, slowly melting into the fabric feel and the fan still blowing on your face. seonghwa landed himself next to you, huffing and sighing into his fan. the room became cold faster than you thought it would, but you were glad it got cold really quick.

“jesus, that was a nightmare,” you said in between huffs, sitting up straight after gaining enough energy to do so. seonghwa stayed lying down on the couch, still huffing to regain his normal breathing. “you want cold water?”

“please,” he said. the ice in your drinks had completely melted and merged itselves with the drink, and now it was useful to replenish your thirst. you made your way to his blindingly neat kitchen, it was like he never touched his kitchen nor he ever cooked. spoiler alert, most of the time he doesn’t, he usually invites you to dinner while eating take outs which you’ve told him is a bad idea. the boy is blasting through his pocket money like it was nothing. you stood in front of the tall, silver fridge and wrapped your hands around the metallic handle, pulling it open and you were bestowed with a somewhat empty fridge but filled with water bottles. you took two and left, hoping the fridge closed this time.

you sat down, handing him a cold bottle and gulped down the drink the second you twisted the cap open. and goodness, did the cold water felt good trickling down your throat. you pulled away from the lips of the bottle, a sigh of relief escaping your lips. seonghwa mirrored the same action as you, copying the sigh as well.

“thank you,” he said, twisting the cap back on the bottle. he reached for the remote, turning the tv on so you could busy yourselves in the meantime. “anything you wanna watch in particular?”

yes, what about the thing you were going to tell me earlier? you thought. “i don’t really know. the sun cooked my brain out there.”

“make some sunny-side up,” he joked.

“that’s ridiculous,” you told him, taking your eyes off of the tv and turning to him. the sides of his face were plastered with his hair that got damped from his sweat, and the underside of his fringe were plastered against his forehead. he had moved his fringe aside, creating a parting off to the side of his hairline. “so, what were you going to tell me?”

“tell you what?” he asked, eyes still on the tv. it never left the screen, to be frank.

“you said you were going to tell me something earlier. remember? when we left the ice cream parlor,” you reminded him, all of a sudden worried that you were making a big fool out of yourself for asking in the first place. he must be thinking that you’re eager to know what he was going to tell you, so you started thinking of excuses to disregard the fact that you just asked him what he was going to tell you. “actually, i don’t think you said anything.”

“i’m playing with you, i know i said i was going to tell you something,” he said, sitting up to regain his posture. you felt like the biggest fool of them all. “but i don’t know how to tell you, exactly.”

“just tell me,” you told him. “i won’t judge. i never judged you.”

and you never did, sometimes it was a joke though. but you’d never judge seonghwa’s choices in life. and he knew that, he knew that you’d be his first supporter. so if he told you he found the new love of his life.. you had no choice but to support him either way.

“i’ve always told you that college became so much more interesting when you sat down next to me,” he started, eyes staring directly into yours. he was serious this time. “and just.. i look forward to stats more than i actually do, and it confused me for a moment. i spent a lot of time in the early hours reflecting on myself.”

your heart thumped and raced harder than before. why is he saying all these things? is he leaving?

“like a lot,” he added. seonghwa’s eyes looked down on the floor, before meeting your eyes once more. “and i know why now.”

“why are telling me all this?” you asked, hoping your voice didn’t sound too quiet or panicky. of course you were panicking, your friend is telling you nonsense! none of it made sense to you. maybe you were being oblivious, but there are a lot of factors that lead seonghwa to telling you these things.

seonghwa shrugged, “i don’t know. i just thought you should know.”

“so.. that’s it?” you asked again, eyes leaving his face.

“actually, no,” he continued. “i should learn how to get to my point, but my point is… i think i have feelings for you.”

you stared at him, confused as ever and you just stared at him. what did he say? were they real? i’m not dreaming, am i..? the silence between you and seonghwa was unreal, and you sat on the couch confused. “you- wait- no, what? you have feelings?”

he chuckled at your question, “yes, i have feelings. i’m a human being, i can feel things.”

“no! i mean- for me? you have feelings for me? since when?” you fired at him, clearly in disbelief that your own crush and your own friend, park seonghwa, also has a crush on you. “why? how? seonghwa!”

“but the real question is,” he said, completely ignoring your questions fired at him. at this point, your heart beat had gone out of rhythm and it may or may not become the cause of your death. you anticipated for his question, which he purposefully held in longer to see if you’d crack under pressure.

spoiler, you did.

“what!?” you weren’t sure if you were getting nervous, happy or excited. a mix of all three? most likely.

“do you like me?” he asked. oh, of course he’d ask that. why didn’t you see it coming from someone who literally just confessed to you? you couldn’t control your expression, and began smiling like an idiot and blushing like mad.

“yes, very much.”

he only smiled, moving from one seat to another and held your hand. just as you expected them to be, they were big and warm. quite sweaty from this unacceptable heat, but you ignored it. holding seonghwa’s hand for the first time was certainly a weird experience, but good.

“college will only get better at this point.”

Sally Mueller x Reggie Huggins one shot

      Belch waited for Sally behind the school in his bright blue TransAm. Waiting for her to get out of field hockey practice every Wednesday had become a thing since they became a couple. Well a secret couple. They couldn’t be public because of Sally’s fear of what it would do to her “perfect” reputation. 

  Reggie didn’t like to think of that. Thinking about how Sally was too ashamed of Reggie’s background to be seen with him in public always upset him. He knew they were from two different worlds. She was high class and he was white trash. Belch frowned and gazed at the woods that bordered the parking lot

“Hello Stud. Did you miss me?” A smooth and familiar voice came. It snapped Reggie right out of his day dream. He looked at her and noticed her sweaty but still somehow very attractive appearance. She always looked real good in that field hockey uniform.

“Hey Lil Lady. I thought you wasn’t supposed ta be out of practice for another hour.” He said as she walked around the car and got into the passenger seat. She smiled and leaned closer towards him.

“We went over a couple drills and the coach let us go early. Thank god. My team mates where playing like they had lobotomys for breakfast.” Sally scoffs but brushed a hand on Reggie’s thigh. He tensed at her touch and his brown eyes started to shine with lust. “How rude. You haven’t given me my hello kiss yet.” The brunette pouted and fluttered her long lashes at him.

This made a chuckle rumble in the giant’s chest. “Aw, sorry Darlin. Maybe I can make it up to ya?” He cooed. He leaned in and captured her lips with his own. Sally returned the kiss and threw her arms around his neck.

The next thing the couple knew they where parked under the kissing bridge tangled up in each other. Sally’s uniform was lying forgotten in the backseat along with Reggie’s hat. The petite girl was straddling the tank of a boy as he quickly moved her hips back and forth on his member. The noises of their moans and pants filled the car. “Oh g-god Reg. H-harder! NOW!” Sally demanded in between steamy kisses.

He slowed his pace down teasing her. Before she could complain he growled. “Say please Brat.”

“Reggie!” She whines loudly and tried to bounce on him only for him to tighten his grip on her hips and keep them still. “Say please Brat or I won’t let ya cum.” He threatened and nipped the soft flesh of her neck.

“P-please Stud?” Sally pleaded softly. Reggie flashed her a wolfish grin and started bucking his hip hard and wildly into hers. She let out a surprise gasp. The small girl clung desperately to him. He pounded his 9 inch cock in and out of her warmth. “Feel good baby?” He asked between huffs. She couldn’t respond even if she wanted to. The pleasure was melting her brain in the best way. She arched into him more and let out a moan. “I-im s-so close! Ah ahhmmm!”

Reggie fastened his pace even more. He grabbed her ass and slapped it hard enough to leave a bright red hand print. She yelps as she felt herself nearing the edge. “Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!” Sally chants. She hit her peak with a final cry. Her eyes shut and she buried her face into his neck as her body quivers. A few more sloppy thrusts drove Reg over the edge as well.

The two teens sat there panting for a couple minutes until Sally kissed him sweetly and snuggled into his chest like a lazy cat. “I love you Reginald. I feel safe with you. You’re so special to me.” She whispered sleepily. It was cheesy but Reggie couldn’t help smiling warmly as he stroked her long brown hair. “I love you more Sal.”

This is why he put up with her. This is what made enduring her bitchy attitude worth it. It made moments like these more amazing because she’d never show this “weak” side to anyone else. To everyone else she is a cold rich bitch but Reggie knew how warm she truly was. He reached over and grabbed her jacket from the passenger seat, draping it over her. He then wrapped his big arms around her. They both soon dozed off.

starting anew!

hi! if by the odd chance you knew me from my old blog, i realized that i was restricted from carrying out a lot of functions i might want to in the future if i were to grow my blog (it was a sideblog to an old, 2013 blog i had and when i replied to comments or respond to asks it’d be as my primary). so instead i decided to create a new account so that lycho could be my primary blog! since i did have a few posts that i wanted to keep for history sake, this is just going to be a mega post of my past few posts: 

apr 6, 2020 - the beginning

day 1 of my journey with ux!

frankly, i’ve been on this journey for the past two years (ever since discovering it) but i feel as though i haven’t made any real progress. i’ve always claimed i wanted to grow and learn more about the field, yet those goals never showed in my day-to-day actions.

this blog is a collection of my progress on this journey to keep myself accountable. the goal is facebook in a year, baby!

i know it’s super idealistic and quite tough for a second year like me who’s not even in a design program (business, actually). but i still want to try. i want to do something for myself for once.

that is why i am committing 4 hours everyday to honing my craft. whether that is learning about ux through watching youtube tutorials, skillshare course, or reading medium articles, or actually practicing the craft by making redesigns or wireframes, i will dedicate this time strictly to advancing my expertise within the field. and this blog exists to keep up with my every step of the way :)

apr 8, 2020 - website overhaul

today I worked on cleaning up the modularity of my existing website a bit, making use of consistent classes instead of hard-coding like i used to! oh how i love modularity!

small win: making a navbar that breaks out of the standard bounding box of the site’s content --> next goal is to make it a sticky navbar with js!

other than my website, yesterday I finished a skillshare course on user-centred design, albeit short, it was really valuable and it only motivates me to continue learning. I’m starting to realize how much I actually like doing this stuff and think it is something that really clicks and not just something im doing for the looks.

slowly but surely getting the hang of dedicated 4 hour time chunks to my craft - i failed yesterday and the day before (woke up around 9/10 instead of starting at 8:30) but today i did pretty well! took a short 20 min nap inbetween haha but I’m still proud of myself overall :)

it’s been pretty depressing and lonely lately with the quarantine (when the sun is shining so bright, teasing me grr..) but I want to get back into a routine and be productive although i do have my lazy days. it just overall makes me feel better because who knows how long we’ll have to live like this. might as well get used to it.

apr 9, 2020 - website overhaul

hi! so today i wanted to be very candid and share that i feel like i did fail today in terms of the goals i had set out for myself, though I reached 1/2 goals so that’s good! the first was to finish refining my website and publish it (check!), while the other was to finish the financial statements for my business assignment but alas that did not end up happening haha, but i forgive myself for it and know that tomorrow will be a new day!

I actually woke up early today (around 7:30, earlier than usual) and felt awake, yet mentally I just wanted to go back to sleep so I ended up getting up at 9:30. I then regretted it and beat myself up for it briefly for doing that, but I realized that I should let myself off in these strange times we’re all living in right now.

so, i think i really am going to get serious about my design journey! my only concern is that i feel like im stretching myself too thin - i have a full time design internship offer for this summer for a startup, as well as 2 leadership positions on clubs where I lead/work on the branding and design, but also at the same time I”m always at home so not sure what is reasonable and what is not. Because when I’m not doing that, I want to be self-learning, but I recently a discovered a mentorship program where I could be mentored by a startup founder to help scale her business, but again I feel like I’m stretching myself thin. though it’s a really good opportunity.

anywho, updates on my website like this post was supposed to be about is that i finally published it again after not liking how it looked before, and i think this revamp is a lot cleaner! proud of it. i try not to reveal many of my personal details on here bc i’m not sure who would actually be reading it, but this blog is just a way for me to track, myself, how i’m doing and to keep myself accountable :) i just didn’t want to set it to private cause it’s a hassle for me to always enter the password if i want to look at my blog.

lastly, i want to start consistently workout - and in the long term actually start a real blog where I write about my experiences, in actual coherent sentences! amazing. creative-wise i really want to start learning 3d illustration and blender, even though i’m an aspiring product designer but i just love 3d and motion, so idk might be stretching myself too thin again but i feel like I need to stretch my creative muscles this way and push myself as a creator. also starting the daily ui challenge again tomorrow after giving up a few months ago - haha!

let’s see how this one pans out :)

apr 10, 2020 - learning + starting anew

today i started two new things !!

restarted daily ui challenge after quitting a week in last year

started to learn blender ! !

i still feel like i failed today because i mostly sat around doing nothing OTHER than design, which just affirms to me that im truly passionate about this stuff for only having motivation to do it (or just a strong will against my homework for uni still....either way im taking it)

although i’m not that great at blender yet and felt frustrated during the process, when i got the end result i realized i like how it turned out despite it not being perfect, and it’s inspiration for me to keep learning and expanding on my skills :)

same with daily ui - i found that my approach this time compared when i literally knew NOTHING about ux was very different.

for example, something I already notice I'm doing differently from the last time is focusing less on decoration and more on practicality, actually naming/grouping layers and leveraging design systems, and injecting personality to make the experience delightful. I'm also limiting myself to two hours now (though this one took about an hour) so I have more time to do some research, sketch and wireframe before styling.

looking forward to a better day tomorrow! i might do a little less design (maybe just a daily ui shot) so i can focus on actually tackling the report i’m supposed to finish as well as study for an upcoming exam, so we will see! feeling good :))

hi! i dont mean to restart shit but i feel like the reason neurodivergent ppl butt heads over gifted kids so much is that to kids like me who had undiagnosed adhd that had me hide my report cards and tests in elementary school, its kind of a slap in the face to hear so many people who you were compared to and put down against talk about issues that have plagued you since you were super young, but framed in a way that only they could relate to! the education system fucks over both “gifted” AND-

-kids who were barely scrapping by! it just affects us at different stages of our lives, and for different reasons. tying my intelligence to my self worth, an inability to ask for help, always feeling like im underperforming, etc, these are all things that affect me because i dont want to be the ‘dumb kid’ again. i still have to do extra work my high achieving brother doesnt because my mom doesnt trust my intelligence!! + i also think that ppl are bitter yall cld do so well during school-

- in the end, i think our experiences are more like a mirror; “ure dumb and forever will be vs if u get less than the top of the class ure a failure and ur achievements dont matter” (also, personally, even after hearing all the shit the gifted program put yall thru, id love to have been a gifted kid. id rather know i have the capacity to be smart than be the kid who regularly scores in the bottom of the class)

Listen, I am neurodivergent. That's what my entire post is about, how because I was gifted, I was seen as ""too smart to be disabled"" and given no accomodations whatsoever, even though I greatly needed them. I was autistic, but nobody in the education system even THOUGHT to look at why I suddenly started failing classes when I got into 10th grade, nobody even thought to ask me why I was having such a hard time. Because if I was ""smart"" then I should be able to do good in advanced classes. So ergo, my struggling was laziness. Except for one teacher, who when I told her, told me I needed to suck it up and get my homework done or she was going to fail me.

Like, I'm not trying to demean your experiences in the school system or say "I had it worse than you", but the entire reason I made the post in the first place was because I was absolutely fucked by the gifted label in school because I was neurodivergent. The gifted label leaves no wiggle room. You're either smart and pass your classes, or you're lazy and get shit grades, according to teachers.

I had a burn out at 15 years old. Think about that. I was 15, a time where I should be hanging out with friends and doing fun things. But instead I fell to the floor of my bedroom and cried for over an hour because I just couldn't face the fact I didn't do my homework again and my teachers were going to fail me. I was so mentally unstable because of the expectations put on me by the gifted label, I was so scared of seeing that big fat F painted across my report card, that I just broke.

On top of that, I was placed in advanced classes or classes I didn't need because I was ""smart"" and it would look better for getting a ""smart"" job. They kicked me out of the one place I felt safe in the school, Art, and replaced it with electives I didn't need or want simply because it would look good on my college applications. They replaced my Language Arts classes with a ""Gifted Class"" in Middle School and specifically because of that, I have no idea how to structure an essay more than 6 paragraphs long. Every time I asked a teacher for help, they'd tell me to stay after school (which I couldn't at the time, I didn't have a ride) and wouldn't even explain in the simplest terms what they wanted because "You're smart [gifted] you should already know this."

You do NOT want to be a gifted kid. Trust me. Especially if you're neurodivergent, because gifted kids are basically pressured to be mini-adults as kids and when they don't respond as being a perfect pinnacle of maturity or smart-ness, they're said to have problems with laziness. Or ""behavioral issues"". I needed SO much in school, but because I was labelled as gifted, I never got any of it. If we need help with anything we're ""supposed"" to know, you're shit out of luck, because nobody will give it to you. "You're smart, you're supposed to know this!" Is our mantra, and eventually, we stop asking.

The reason I made the original post is because the ""gifted"" label is thrown at anyone who has even a moderate IQ score who ""think differently"" than others. See how that ties heavily into the neurodivergent community? Some people with the gifted label might be neurotypical, but a lot of them end up being neurodivergent later in life for the sole fact "they were too smart to be disabled" and nobody ever said "Hey, you Might be neurodivergent" because they were seen as smart.

Gifted kids don't have it easier. Our praise from adults is always tainted by "You could do better". We don't get accommodations we need. Our education is lax because we're already supposed to know it, despite never being taught whatever it is they expect us to know. Adults want to make all of our academic decisions on how smart they think we are. We're given double the work because "we can handle it". And worst of all, we're constantly beaten down with "You're so smart! Why aren't you understanding this?" As if not understanding something is somehow our fault.

The post wasn't being like "GOD GIFTED KIDS HAVE IT THE HARDEST IN SCHOOL BECAUSE OF X". It was "The neurodivergent community greatly intersects with the gifted community and their struggles in the school system need to be acknowledged and not talked over because of the notion 'gifted kids have it easier because they're smart'."

I'm not going to lie, most of the reason why I dropped out from 10th grade was because I just couldn't handle the expectations from my teachers to be the perfect student and hand in perfect papers. They beat down that 15 year old teenager who liked anime and Sonic and reading to the point where I had a complete mental breakdown and I begged my mom to let me quit. Begged her, on the floor, sobbing. I burnt out so bad I couldn't read a book for over 4 years. I'm just now starting to read again.

School is fucked. But the Gifted label adds another layer of Hell to it that neurodivergent kids just aren't equipped to handle, and I feel very strongly about letting these kids talk about what they went through, bitter people or not.

Like Oh 2.0 - Happy Halloween

Previous Chapter: Fansign Word Count: 3,646 Summary: It’s Halloween and everyone’s dressed up for the holiday.

Like Oh 2.0 masterlist

just several more chapters and the story’s over! this makes it... november, december, january, and february i believe. still can’t believe i wrote this with a chapter for at least one month and all that. so yeah, happy reading and kthxbai, Admin Lia~

"Thank you, Jyongri unnie, for helping us out with our Haunted House project." Dasol said gratefully dressed as the Joker. "Yeah." Haeryong agreed coming up beside Dasol dressed as Harley Quinn. "Even though it was last minute, you did a wonderful job! Thank you!" "Jyongri unnie definitely did a wonderful job scaring all the people who decided to stop by. Thanks a lot!" Seolbin chimed dressed as a broken doll while Melanie stood beside her friend dressed up as a voodoo doll. "Yeah, thanks." Melanie smiled at Serena who was dressed as a zombie bride. "I'm still hella annoyed that Dayoon and Yerim both bailed at the last minute without giving us a reason. They better not get any credit for this either."

Serena smiled at them all while smoothing out her dress. "You're welcome. I wanted to put this costume to good used since I didn't get to use it last year and now that my hair is back to being all black, too." Serena looked about one of the classrooms at Seoul National University's Arts department while gesturing at the group's makeshift Haunted House. "We're done with all of this, right?" The quartet nodded their heads with collectives 'yeah'. "Great. The makeup's beginning to itch and it was getting hot underneath all that covering." She returned her gazed onto the university students. "So what are you gonna do after this? It's still light out and I'm sure everyone is heading to Itaewon for the real Halloween party later tonight."

"Haha, yes, that's right!" Seolbi grinned as she pointed at her friends while wriggling her eyebrows happily. "I set us up for another group date at eight with our very own Seouldae boys!" The other three let out loud groans. "I'll pass." Melanie declined while moving away from her friend. "I'm not doing those anymore." "Why not Chaewon unnie?" Seolbi pouted as Melanie rolled her eyes. "I already told you." "If Won's not going, then I don't want to go either." Haeryong claimed as she wrapped an arm around Chaewon. "I think I'm done and over with meeting boys through this group thing." "Boo." Seolbi blew a raspberry as Dasol laughed wrapping an arm around her friend's waist. "Don't worry, Seolbi. I guess I'll accompany you."

"Is there going to be free candy?" Haeryong asked with an interested look a second later. "Yes." Seolbi smiled. "Along with chicken and beer." "Call!" Haeyrong agreed as she turned her head to look at Melanie. "Say yes. Please, say yes." "No." Melanie deadpanned before breaking into a smile. "I want to go home and wash off all of this makeup. Jyongri unnie was right. It's beginning to itch." "Oh, Jyongri unnie. Why don't you join us?" Dasol suggested while looking hopefully at the older woman who just shook her head. "I'll pass, too." The other three groaned as Melanie laughed. "She understands me." "You're no fun, Won." Dasol pulled a face as everyone else laughed. "Alright, we need to clean up and that's it." Seolbi announced as the group went about doing so.

An hour later the sisters were on their way back to Serena's apartment while still wearing their costumes as they were too lazy to change out of it. Also they didn't want to bother as they would still have to change once back home to shower. Besides, it was Halloween and the sisters were going to enjoy wearing their costumes for this holiday as they didn't really dress up that often for any of the other holidays. On the way back home Serena decided to drop by Fairy Sweets due to her craving for bubble tea. While she and Melanie were waiting in line to order as the shop was quite busy today, Serena happened to spot two familiar faces and pointed them out for her sister to see just to make sure if they were who she thought they were.

"Hey, Lani." Serena called for Melanie's attention. "What, Rere?" Melanie asked while still gazing at the menu board. "Aren't those your two friends from school, right?" Serena indicated to the two girls both dressed in some cute yet short dresses as Melanie turned her head to where Serena was looking at. "Wow. Serioiusly?" Melanie let out in disgust at seeing the two here in Cheongdam instead of at school. "I honestly bet they came here just to see GOT7 again." "Are they still doing that?" "Yeah. I also found out that the two are actually cousins and not friends." "Wow, really?" "Yeah." "How?" "Dayoon let it slipped a while back and she's been hanging out with Yerim more often." "Makes sense if Yerim is the one dragging Dayoon around with her just to look for GOT7 and other idols." "Yeah, I know."

Melanie returned her attention back towards the menu board. "Luckily my hair isn't partially blue anymore or they would have recognized me already." "True." Serena agreed as she also returned her gazed onto the menu board. "Let's just order and go." "I know, but that's not gonna help speed up the line though." "Obviously." The duo waited a few more minutes before they got a chance to order and they even got their order half off due to their costumes along with a free chocolate chip cookie each. Luckily, they got their drinks quickly and were able to leave the store without being noticed by the other two as they left to head back home.

While riding the elevator up to the fifth floor and still drinking their boba as the duo had already finished their cookie on the way over Melanie and Serena had totally forgotten that they were still dressed up as scary beings. So when the elevator's door opened the other people on the other side instantly let out loud screams and one even threw their bag at them. "What the fuck?" Serena let out in annoyance upon being hit by a bag and making her dropped her bubble tea. On the other hand, Melanie was holding in her laughter at seeing Serena's misfortune while still happily drinking her boba. "You good, Lina?" "No, Lani, I'm not." Serena pouted as she bent down to pick up the item and used her dress to wipe up the mess.

"Serena and Melanie?" A male voice asked while using their English names causing the sisters to look over at the group that had let out screams earlier. "What's up, guys?" Melanie greeted GOT7 who were also wearing their own Halloween costumes while speaking in Korean this time. "Which one of you threw their bag at Jyongri unnie?" Everyone pointed at BamBam who pointed at Yugyeom. "Figures." Serena deadpanned as she passed the idol back his bag while stepping out of the elevator with Melanie in tow. "Where did you guys come from to be dressed like that?" Jinyoung asked a second later. "My school's Halloween project." Melanie answered as she gave them all a look upon analyzing their costumes better. "Where are you guys off to all dressed up?"

"A company event." Jaebeom replied although it was kind of hard to hear him through his Bart Simpson costume as Melanie laughed. "You would dress up as Bart Simpson." "It's Im Bart." Jaebeom corrected with a laugh as he removed the head off of him. "I see." Melanie smiled and  looked at Jinyoung. "The main guy from Descendants of the Sun, right?" "Yeah, although that makes me the main lead." Jinyoung nodded with a smile while Serena noticed that a member was missing. "Is Youngjae still not feeling well?" "Yeah, he's with Coco and just resting." Mark responded as the sisters noticed that he and Jackson were the Mario Brothers. "You guys would be dressed like them." Serena commented as Jackson grinned while speaking in a fake Italian accent. "I'm Mario!"

"And I'm Luigi!" Mark said after also speaking in a fake Italian accent. "Of course." Serena chuckled before looking at BamBam. "Are you supposed to be Dracula?" "No. I'm Bampire." BamBam laughed while making a weird face as the sisters rolled their eyes at his pun of a joke. "Of course you are." Melanie said as she cast a smile in Yugyeom's direction. "You make a cute minion, Yugyeom." Melanie complimented seeing the giant idol in overalls. "Thank you, Chaewon noona." Yugyeom shyly thanked her upon hearing the complimented. "What are you supposed to be?" "A voodoo doll." Melanie smirked while holding up her buddy that was attached to her wrist by a chain this whole time and made the doll waved at them.

"What about you, Jyongri noona? What are you supposed to be?" Yugyeom asked Serena as she was about to sneak away. "A zombie bride." She answered tiredly as Jackson playfully asked, "What happened to your zombie groom,". "I killed him after our honeymoon and ate his internal organs afterwards. His brain was quite delicious and made my hair become black again." Serena smirked in a creepy manner which caused Jackson to back away in slight fear. The others laughed at his behavior as Mark commented on her hair. "Oh, you're back to black now?" "Yeah, my friend set me up again and I was missing my natural hair color, too." Serena answered while playing with her locks. "It's weird, but I'm happy with it.

Jinyoung remembered where they had to be. "Sorry, but we need to get going." Melanie also remembered something. "Be careful. Yerim and Dayoon are around the area, too." "Thanks, Chaewon noona. We'll try to be careful." Jaebeom smiled as Melanie smiled back. "Welcome." "Have fun at the party." Serena told them from her apartment door and waved. "Thanks, noona." The others said with a small smile before stepping into the elevator where they were still holding it opened since the girls stepped out of it. "Welcome!" Serena happily said as she entered her apartment after giving them one last wave. "Yeah, take real care and hope y'all win stuff. Bye" Melanie said making her way to 501. "Thanks, noona!" GOT7 said as they entered the elevator and Melanie bid one last goodbye before entering the apartment.

~~~~~~~

GOT7 returned to their dorm around midnight after their company function. The group of six were surprised to discovered Youngjae in a sea otter onesie, Melanie dressed in a blue koala summer onesie, Serena dressed in a white and brown cat hoodie with a brown kitty face mask, and Coco dressed in a Pikachu onesie who were all knocked out on the sectional in the living room with the movie, Halloweentown High, still left playing. The living room was filled with different types of popcorn, candy corn, and other yummy goodies that the sisters had brought over to keep Youngjae company since he couldn't attend the company party with the others. Plus, the sisters had nothing else better to do and thought it would be fun to hang out with the male idol.

"What is this? Guys, do you all see what I think I'm seeing?" BamBam asked while pointing between the two sisters and looking at the other members. "This is real, right?" The other five nodded their heads still speechless by the scene while Yugyeom tried to look at the sisters closely to tell who was who. "Which one is Jyongri noona and which one is Chaewon noona?" Melanie's koala hoodie was covering the majority of the upper part of her face along with her hair practically hiding the rest while Serena's face mask was only covering the lower part of her face, but she was also sleeping on her side and her head turned slightly away from the males' view.

"I'm pretty sure that's Chaewon noona." Jackson stated confidently while pointing at Serena "And that's Jyongri noona." He pointed at Melanie a second later. "Wait, guys. The more important question is, should we wake them up or leave them be?" Jinyoung whispered as to not disturbed the quartet's sleep. Coco soon stirred, opened her eyes to stare at the group of six, and Mark scooped her up gently so that he could keep her from making any noises while casting his eyes onto the still sleeping trio. "Well, Coco's up." The group held their breaths and froze upon seeing Serena stir awake, sat upright, and finally turned to face them while rubbing the sleep from her eyes. "When did you guys get back?"

"Just now." Jaebeom answered as Serena nodded. "Ah, okay." She looked over at Melanie's sleeping form. "I'll wake her and we can go back." She noticed that their manager wasn't with them either or maybe he was, but she was still asleep if he came in. "Where's your manager?" "He went with the others to Itaewon." Jinyoung informed her with a laugh. "I see." "You know you can just spend the night here, too, noona." BamBam offered with a smile. "Since we've slept at your place, too." "I could, but I would rather sleep in my bed instead of on your couch." Serena chuckled as she stood up and stretched before removing the face mask down to talk and breathe better.

"We thought Youngjae may be feeling left out since y'all went to the company without him and so Chaewon and I figured we'd hang out with him for the night." Serena explained as she made her way to her sister. "It was kind of fun, actually." She patted Melanie on the thigh while calling her name, but the younger woman didn't budge. "I swear this girl can sleep through a storm and won't even know it." Serena muttered in English as she was about to try again to wake her up, but Jaebeom interrupted her. "Why don't I carry her back to your place to save you the trouble, Jyongri noona?" She looked at the idol while standing upright again. "You sure?" "Yeah, I don't mind." "If you want." "I do."

Serena stared at his costume with a small smile. "Are you sure you'll be able to carry her while wearing that, JB?" She pointed at his costume where he was still holding onto the head piece. "Let me get out of this and then I'll help." The male chuckled as he rushed towards his room he shared with Youngjae. "Yeah, we're going to change, too, noona." BamBam motioned at himself and Yugyeom as they followed after Jaebeom a second later. "Yeah, we'll be back, too. Don't you go anywhere, noona." Jackson grinned as he pulled himself and Mark towards their shared room with Coco still in Mark's arms. Jinyoung rolled his eyes, but looked at Serena with a soft smile. "Thanks for keeping Youngjae company."

"It's all good. Why don't you change back into regular clothes, too." Serena told the younger man with a smile as she sat at the empty space by her sister. "Okay." Jinyoung nodded his head as he walked off leaving her and the other two. A second later Serena slid to the floor and began eating the candy while watching the rest of Halloweentown High. The group of six returned to the living room shortly after as Serena stood back up. "I don't need all of you to help me, right?" She asked in a teasing manner as the others shook their heads with soft smiles before speaking again. "Anyways, JB, squat down in front of Chaewon so I can put my sister on your back for you to piggyback her back to my place."

"Okay." Jaebeom complied without hesitation as he squatted while Serena later with the help of Jackson and Jinyoung placed Melanie onto Jaebeom's back. "You're good, right?" "Yeah, noona. No problem." He smiled as he held the back of Melanie's calves to secure her so that Melanie wouldn't fall off of him. "Alright, good to go." Serena made sure that Melanie was safely on Jaebeom's back before looking around to grab both of hers and her sister's belongings along with some other things, but was struggling. "Here, let me help." Mark told her as he took some of her things after placing Coco into Jackson's arms. "Thank you, Mark." She smiled at him while looking at the others. "You guys can have the rest of these. I still have plenty more at home."

"Okay! Awesome! Thanks, noona!" Both Yugyeom and BamBam thanked the older woman as they were already eating the popcorn and candies while sitting on the floor. "You guys should get going unless JB hyung doesn't mind having Chaewon noona sleeping on his back until she wakes up." Jackson chuckled while petting Coco who was slowly falling back to sleep. "Don't worry, we're leaving." Serena chuckled as she re-adjusted her bag onto her shoulder. "We'll be back." Jaebeom told his members as he, Mark, and Serena began making their way out of the apartment. "Don't worry, hyung. I got it from here." Jinyoung said as he waved the quartet off with a slight smirk.

~~~~~~~

'Her room is down that way." Serena pointed down the hallway once the group of four were inside apartment 501. "It's the last one on the right, JB. Do you want me to follow you?" "No it's all good. I got it. Thanks, noona." Jaebeom assured Serena with a smile as he made his way to Melanie's room leaving Mark to follow Serena into the kitchen. "That's a nice costume compare to the one you wore earlier." Mark commented in English as Serena smiled. "One of my sister-in-laws got it for me for my birthday." She set her bags onto the counter whereas Mark set the others onto the dining table. "What time did you and Melanie visit Youngjae?" "I think it was like at nine or something when we headed over. I forgot. We messaged one another through Kakao."

"You guys have each other on Kakaotalk?" Mark asked a bit surprised by the revelation, but Serena didn't catch it as she was too busy sorting through the bags for something. "Yeah, but we hardly messaged until today. He was really bored." Serena chuckled as she pulled out a bag of candy corn. "Here they are." She pushed the hoodie down while freeing her hair and ate a few of the candy corn happily. Mark chuckled at the sight of her. "You're such a kid, Serena." Serena blew a raspberry at him before popping another one into his mouth. He ruffled her hair as Serena swiftly moved out from under his hand and tried to fix her hair. "I told you to stop doing that." "I would if you weren't so cute." "Ew. I'm not cute." Mark didn't respond, but let out a laugh.

Meanwhile Jaebeom easily opened Melanie's bedroom door and used the hallway's lights to shine upon the darkness of Melanie's room for him to see without turning on the main light. Jaebeom first moved Melanie's blanket towards the bottom of the bed so that she wouldn't be sleeping on it before he gently maneuvered Melanie from his back to the front of him before settling her onto her bed and later tucking her in. Jaebeom loomed over Melanie with a soft smile while brushing a few strands of her hair from her face. "Sweet dreams, Chaewon." He moved the hood of the onesie off of her head. "You make a cute koala, too." He softly chuckled as he stood back up and slowly made his way out of Melanie's room and shutting the door quietly.

Jaebeom found the other two in the kitchen and announced his presence a moment later. "Chaewon noona is tucked in safe and sound, Jyongri noona." He smiled at Serena who chuckled at his words. "Awesome. Thanks a lot, JB. I appreciated it." "You're welcome. Glad to be of help." Jaebeom looked at Mark. "Ready to go hyung?" "Yeah. I'll meet you at the dorm." Mark told him as Jaebeom nodded his head. "Sounds good." Jaebeom looked over at Serena. "Good night, noona." "Good night, JB. Take care and thanks again." "You're welcome and I will." He looked at the older member. "I'll see you back at the dorm." "Okay." Mark told him with a small wave as Jaebeom left first with Mark still lingering behind.

"So, what do you want, Mark?" Serena asked him as she began putting away some of the things. "What makes you think that?" Mark asked as he assisted her. "Obviously because you're still here." "I can't hang out with my home girl?" "Last time I checked we weren't homies, Mark." "Ouch, Serena. Still gotta play me like that?" He feigned being hurt while clutching at his chest. "Really?" Serena laughed at the idol's reaction. "Jackson must have rubbed off on you over the years." "Yeah, he did, unfortunately." Mark agreed as he returned back to his normal self. "But still, Serena, are we not friends?" "I guess we can be friends, Mark." "I guess I can take that for now, Serena." "Good, because I'm tired and you need to go sleep, too."

"Why does it feel like you're kicking me out?" Mark asked with a smile as he made his way towards her door with Serena following after him with a rolled of her eyes. "Because I am." Serena confirmed with a laugh as Mark rolled his eyes. "Should've known." "Stop being a kid. You'll get over it." "I'm a grown man, Serena, thank you very much." "Yeah, sure, whatever man child." "Now that's better. Thanks." "You're not welcome." "Honest as ever I see." "Yup." Serena laughed as she opened the door for Mark to leave. "Have a good night, Mark, and take care." "You, too, Serena." Mark told her as he reached a hand out to pat her on the head and Serena swatted his hand away. "Tell the others good night." "Nah, you can do that." Mark smirked as Serena rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Later." "Haha, okay. Later."

PRB 2019 15-1

Here is my contribution to the @phandomreversebang 2019! I had a lot of fun writing this fic and I would like to thank @loyal-phan and @sublimehowlter for being an amazing artist and beta! 

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19930063

The first thing that I register after hitting the damp pavement is that someone is frantically apologizing to me. When I open my eyes I see a tall dark-haired, blue-eyed man offering me a hand. I take it. His hands are smooth and warm, and I realize that I might have been holding on a second longer than acceptable.

“Oh god, I am so sorry!” I’m startled out of my embarrassment by another wave of hurried apologies.

“I was just walking Simon,” at that, I look down to a very adorable corgi sitting obediently at the man's feet “and I wasn’t paying attention and next thing I know-” “Can I pet your dog?” 

“Can you-? Um, yeah. Sure” 

I bend down and start scratching the dog, evidently named Simon, behind his ears.

“What a good boy you are! What a sweet boy.” I hear the man laughing and quickly stand up my cheeks bright red.

“Sorry,” I mumble

“No, it’s alright! I act the same way whenever I see a dog. I should be the one apologizing, your clothes are all wet now.”

“It’s alright, I was on my way home from work anyway.”

“Are you sure? I feel terrible about it.”

‘No really it’s fine, uh,” I break off not sure what his name is.

“Phil.” He supplies with a smile.

“It’s alright Phil.”

“Well, if you’re sure.”

“I’m sure. It was nice running into you, Phil.”

“Yeah, nice seeing you.”

---

By the time I get home my legs are starting to chafe from the wet denim. It’s alright though, the cute dog more than made up for it. It’s a good thing it happened on my way home from work, however. It would have been hell waiting tables all day with wet jeans. And as kind as my boss is, she never goes easy on us. Especially on Sundays, which just so happens to be our busiest day. 

After a delicious yet slightly pathetic dinner of cold pizza, thoughts of Phil and his dog invade my brain. Out of curiosity I pull out my phone and type Phil into the Instagram search bar. Of course, millions of results pop up. I didn’t have high hopes, but there was a small part of me holding on to the hope that I might be able to find his account using only his first name.

After my fruitless Instagram search, I find myself drifting towards my bed, despite it only being around 9:45. Oh well, long day I guess.  Surprisingly, since it normally takes me ages to fall asleep, I find my eyes drifting shut the minute I hit the mattress.

---

I wake up early, for once, which means I actually have time to enjoy my morning rather than throwing on yesterday’s clothes and quite literally running out the door. I take my time getting out of bed, stopping to look at my phone and take time to wake up. When I finally reach my small kitchen (which didn’t take very long considering how small my flat is) I realize that I have no coffee. I let out a disgruntled sigh as I come to terms with the fact that if I want caffeine, which I do, that I’ll have to head to work early putting my lazy morning to a halt. I grab my keys and head out.

I take my time walking to work, choosing to take the scenic route. Rather than the normal path I take, which has a superb view of trash cans and shady alleyways, today's route is lined with shops and restaurants and a Starbucks. The prospect of going and getting a latte of some sort seems much more appealing than getting a black coffee in a chipped mug. The minute I walk in I’m hit with a wave of warm air. A pleasant contrast to the icy weather outside. I start to head up to the counter, but I stop in my tracks when I come face to face with a pair of familiar blue eyes. 

“Dan!” Phil says with a smile on his face. “What a coincidence!”

I find a smile growing on my face, what can I say? Something about his unwavering happiness is infectious.

“Oh, hi Phil!”

“Can I get you a coffee? I mean obviously, I’m assuming that's why you're here.”

“Uh-” I don’t come here very often, and the combination of my awkwardness in social situations and my lack of familiarity with the menu has me tripping over my words. “Surprise me? Just something with caffeine please.”

“You got it,” Phil responds with a chuckle. I start to pull out my wallet but he cuts me off. “Don’t worry about it, this one’s on the house.”

“It’s fine Phil, really.”

“No seriously, it’s the least I can do after running you over yesterday.”

“Well if you insist. I’ve never been one to turn down free coffee.” I say with a small laugh. 

Phil smiles, before motioning over at the station. “Well if that’s all, I’m just going to go make your coffee.” He awkwardly gestures before walking away. I pull out my phone, scrolling through my Instagram feed while I wait for my coffee. After a few minutes, I see Phil walking back over with a cup in his hand. He hands it to me and looks up expectantly, waiting for me to take a sip. 

“Jesus Phil, this is incredible! What is this?” He laughs

“Caramel Macchiato. My personal favorite.”

“Well if your choice in drinks is always this good you're going to have to surprise me again next time.” My phone buzzes with an alarm reminding me that I have obligations. 

“Oh shit, I have to go, hopefully, I’ll run into you again soon.”

“Yeah, see you soon.”

It’s not until I’m almost at work that I notice a phone number messily scrawled onto the side of my cup.

---

I spend the majority of my break writing and deleting texts to Phil. He’s cute, there's no denying that, and he gave me his number, but it was probably just a friendly gesture. He seems like the type of person who makes friends with everyone. After many texts that I decide are either cringy, boring, or a combination of the two I settled on a simple but reliable ‘Hi its dan :)” and force myself to press send. I spend the last few minutes of my break opening and closing my phone and jumping every time my phone dings. In order to keep the anxiety at bay, I keep reminding myself that he’s at work;  it makes sense if he doesn’t respond. Just because I’m on my break doesn’t mean he’s on his. Eventually, I have to go back to work, leaving my phone and a supposedly unread text in the pocket of my jacket. 

 All throughout the rest of my shift, my walk home, and while making and eating dinner, I try and fail, to forget about my text to Phil. Finally, after I’ve eaten and sunk into my bed for some quality binge-watching time, my phone buzzes. As I reach over, it buzzes again. And then a third time. I laugh to myself as I open my messages to see three texts from Phil.

Hi!!! soz I took so long to reply ^-^ 

have a dog to make up for it

what a good boy!

Is that simon???? 

yes! Im surprised you remembered his name lol

hes the reason i knocked you down yesterday 

well if hes the reason i really cant complain

in fact i feel blessed to have been knocked down by that angel

maybe youd want to meet him again? maybe this time without ending up on the ground lol

I hesitate what to say to that, it feels risky meeting up with Phil. Even if he seems friendly, I did only meet him yesterday. But I also don’t want to pass up the opportunity to get to know him better. 

um yes?

Yay! do you want to meet up tomorrow? Im off of work

yee

starbucks?

sure, me and simon cant wait :)

We end up texting for a while after that. Originally we were just arranging a time to meet, but it slowly turned into Phil asking me about my job, which led to many other things. The more I talked to Phil the more I liked him. We had very similar interests. We had the same taste in video games, music, and even takeaway places. Not to mention talking to Phil felt easy. Social interaction isn't exactly my forte, but with Phil, the conversation flowed smoothly. It would be nice to have a friend outside of work. I love my coworkers and my boss, but it’s not really the same. Besides, the diner is more a family to me than anything. Finally, the conversation winds down, both of us beginning to fall asleep. Even though I’m no longer texting him, I can’t stop thinking about Phil as I fall asleep. 

---

The next day is sunny. A welcome change from the perpetual moistness that has haunted London for the last few days. I spend most of the morning laying in bed scrolling through social media. Not the healthiest past time I’ll admit, but once I get started on the Instagram explore page it’s hard to tear myself away. Eventually, I look at the time and realize that I only have about an hour before I’m supposed to meet Phil. After five more minutes, I drag myself out of bed and towards the shower. 

Several outfit changes later, Starbucks is finally within my line of vision. I check the time to see that I still have a few minutes before Phil is due to get here so I take a seat on a bench and resume my scrolling. Not long after I sit down, however, I am attacked by a bundle of saliva and tan fur, accompanied by frantic calls of “Simon down!”. 

“Hello there!” I say bringing my hands up to try and protect myself from the onslaught of dog. 

“I’m so sorry about him, normally he’s so well behaved, I don’t know why he always jumps on you.”

“It’s really not a problem, Phil,” I say laughing. 

“Well if you insist I guess. Do you want a coffee or anything while we're here?”

“I’m fine, I don’t want to keep you and Simon waiting.”

“Oh, well if you don’t mind I thought you could stay out here with Simon and I could go in and order.”

“I mean I’m always up for hanging out with dogs, but I really can’t have you buying me another coffee.”

“Seriously Dan, it’s fine. Think of it as a gift from Simon. Besides, I have an employee discount.”

I shrug, smiling. I take Simon’s leash from Phil and sit back down.

“Oh, Dan, what do you want?” I find myself breaking into a giant grin, enough to make my dimples pop. 

“Surprise me.”

---

Two sugary coffees later and more walking then I do on a normal day, Phil and I are tossing tennis balls at a dog park. 

“This is one of my favourite places to go with him,” Phil says, gesturing at Simon. “It’s a nice change of pace to be outside rather than stuck on a pavement block all day.”

“Mm. What else do you like to do in your spare time?”

“Uh, well, to be honest, I don’t really go outside that much. I pretty much spend the rest of my time staying inside on the internet.” 

“Me neither to be honest, I spend most of my free time participating in online Mario Kart tournaments, as sad as that seems.”

“You play Mario Kart? We should race sometime.” “Only if you want to lose, Philip.”

“Oh really? Pretty confident for never having seen me play.”

“While I guess we’ll have to change that.”

“It’s a date. Well I mean, not a date date, unless you wanted to. But I mean, I don’t want to presume-”

“Phil, Phil, don’t worry, a date sounds nice. Although, to be honest, I’ve never been asked on a Mario Kart date before. But it does sound much more my style than a fancy dinner. “

“Me too, I’m not much of an extrovert. Oh shit, it’s getting dark. I should probably head home, but I’ll text you yeah?” 

“Yeah sounds great. And Phil?”

“Yeah?” “I definitely prefer your company to video games.”

---

It takes a couple of weeks to find a date that works for both of us, first because of work, and then Phil got sick, and then I got sick. But, on the bright side, we spend almost all of that time texting and face timing, and occasionally I run into him at Starbucks when I’m grabbing a coffee. Unfortunately, my minimum wage and tips don’t cover daily overpriced coffee, even if it means I get to see a very nice, attractive, person. 

On the bright side, we did eventually find a time. That time happens to be tonight, and to say I’m nervous would be an understatement. I end up spending about 45 minutes sorting through every article of clothing that I own before finally settling on jeans and a jumper, an outfit that is safe but far from extraordinary. After getting dressed I spend longer than necessary trying to get my hair to cooperate. Eventually, I just give up and call a cab. One extremely awkward cab ride later and I’m standing outside Phil’s door.  I take a deep breath and raise my hand but before I get a chance to knock the door swings open.

“Dan! Hi! Come in, I’m sorry about the mess, I tried to clean but it's still pretty untidy.” I look down at my feet to see Simon wagging his tail excitedly. “It’s alright, my apartment is probably twice as bad.” As I walk into Phil’s flat and take my shoes off I notice that every surface is covered in something. The bookshelves are covered in plushies and figurines, the windowsills are adorned with plants in a questionable state of health, and the couch has a colourful blue and green quilt draped over the back. All in all, it just looks very Phil. 

“If you want you can have a seat on the couch and I can order a pizza. What type do you like?” I’m startled out of my thoughts by Phil’s voice. I smile, feeling more content with my life then I have in a long time. 

“Surprise me.”

~10 years later~

“The last ten years haven’t been easy. There’s been ups and downs, fortunately mostly ups. But you have been by my side for all of it. People and places have changed but you have remained a constant. I don’t know what life will bring, but I know I want you to be with me. I want to fall asleep next to you every night and wake up next to you every morning. So, Phil Lester, will you marry me?”

How do you write Connor so well? Could you share some writing tips?

That’s really sweet of you to say. Honestly, it’s just me trying to pick up on every little thing we actually know about Connor and filling in my own interpretations of what they mean. We really don’t know that much about Connor. He’s only in the beginning of the play then throughout you get little snippets of his life from other characters…but it’s not that much to go off of. Even then, it’s how they saw him which can we a warped version of what he actually was. When I’m writing him, I try not to focus on Evan’s Connor because he’s only a projection of Evan’s own self. It’s important to remember that he’s not Connor. He’s Evan. That’s Evan’s mind talking to him using Connor’s face but it’s not Connor himself. He’s not a ghost coming back to talk to this random kid he’s interacted with once or twice. He’s 100% Evan’s mind projecting.

So then you have to focus on what you actually know about him. I’m gonna dissect it because I literally love analyzing characters it’s my favorite thing in the entire world. You didn’t ask for this but I’m doing it anyway yolo (im sorry).

The first time we meet Connor is at the breakfast scene. What do we know about that scene?:

Connor doesn’t want to go to school.

It is the very first day of his senior year. Not many people skip the very first day of school. It’s supposed to be a fairly easy, chill, exciting day to most people. Getting to know your teachers, seeing friends, catching up with people, not much work etc. I’m going off of my own school experience to analyze this bit: Skipping/Not wanting to go/Having anxiety over going doesn’t mean you’re lazy and don’t like work. It generally means that you feel uncomfortable, anxious, lonely, scared about having to navigate the world of school and your peers. Connor doesn’t have friends. Going to school, sitting in class, doing group projects, eating lunch, doing anything in school alone and without friends is fucking hard. It’s awful.  It’s not a surprise he doesn’t want to go.

Connor is high.

Judging from typical school days, it’s probably somewhere between 6 - 7 in the morning. That’s early. That’s someone who wakes up and immediate gets high. AND it’s the first day of school. That’s someone who needs something to help them cope just to get through the day. He needs something to help him take the edge off of life because doing it without anything is a daunting thought.

Cynthia also says “I don’t want you going to school high Connor. We’ve talked about this.” Which implies that this a fairly regular thing for him.

Connor reacts negatively when Zoe speaks but ignores Larry.  

Okay so I love this bit because my psychology loving self adores this kind of shit. It’s amazing and beautifully done and asdlhfal;ksd

After Cynthia tries to get Larry involved with making sure Connor goes to school. Larry says, “What do you want me to do? He doesn’t listen. Look at him. He’s probably high.” Connor stays quiet. Then Zoe confirms Larry’s statement and says, “He’s definitely high.” And Connor responds with a “Fuck you!”

Every time Larry speaks Connor stays quiet. His body language in the scene involves Connor resting his arm on the side of his head and, by doing so, is putting some sort of physical barrier between his facial expressions and his dad sitting next to him.

If I recall correctly, I don’t think Connor ever once actually speaks to his dad??? Larry talks at him but Connor never responds. No words are ever spoken from him to Larry. (I think, I could be wrong)

SO the point here is that Connor doesn’t say shit when Larry is nagging at him but the second Zoe opens her mouth to do the same he immediately responds with a big “fuck you” and puts his head down on the table.

The way I analyze that scene is that the fuck you was really meant for Larry, that he was pissed off at his father, but he took it out on Zoe. He redirected his anger onto his sister because it’s a lot easier to take advantage of a younger sibling then the head of your household.

Judging from how Zoe speaks about him later in the play, he probably redirected a lot of his anger onto her and it really messed her up.

Him not speaking up to Larry could also mean that Connor is potentially afraid of him?

The second time we see Connor is at school with Jared and Evan:

Connor cares what people think about him and he’s bullied. 

Jared says, “Hey Connor. Loving the new hair length. Very school shooter chic.” Connor responds by staring at him with this perplexed look of wtf dude seriously. He was just nagged at home, forced to go to school when he’s clearly uncomfortable about doing that, and then he gets there only to be antagonized by Jared who pretty much refers to him as someone who slaughters innocent people.

His ‘wtf dude’ look is totally justified in my opinion.  

Jared then says that he was just kidding and that it was a joke. To which Connor replies with “Yeah no it was funny. I’m laughing can’t you tell.” His tone starts out light and sarcastic. When Jared doesn’t respond, he steps closer to him and voice raises. “Am I not laughing hard enough for you?” He’s clearly offended by what Jared said.

Jared calls him a freak and walks away.

He gets bullied by Jared so he turns around and becomes the bully to Evan.

Like he did with Zoe, Connor redirects his pain onto people he know won’t fight back or who he views as weaker than him.

Evan nervous laughs when he’s left alone with Connor. Connor can probably see that Evan is scared of him and uses that to his advantage. He says the whole, “What the fuck are you laughing at? Stop fucking laughing at me?”” Stop laughing at me. Not laughing at what Jared said. But specifically laughing at Connor himself. Connor doesn’t want people laughing at him because he cares what they think about him. “You think I’m the freak? I’m not the freak. You’re the fucking freak.” He yells at Evan and pushes him to the ground.

People have all obviously analyzed all these scenes before. I’m not close to the first one to say it, but obviously, these are words he wishes he could say to Jared and Evan is the surrogate for his rage.

And finally we have the very last scene that Connor is in which is the computer lab scene:

Connor is apologetic after he loses his temper.

He sees Evan, who has clearly been crying. I think it’s unknown how long Connor was actually in the room with him/if he overheard the phone call with Evan’s mom. I’m assuming that Evan wasn’t actually speaking out loud when he was writing his letter, that it was more for the audience to know what he was writing. So if Connor had been in the room and listening, he could have heard Evan’s side of the phone call and seen him quietly crying on his laptop while writing something then print it out. Since he was near the printer, he took the paper to give to him. He didn’t have to do that. He wanted to.

I think he wanted an excuse to talk to Evan again after he pushed him. He probably felt bad. I feel like he views Evan as someone who’s harmless and unintimidating, which is why it was easy for him to channel his anger onto, but then he started to regret that choice, so he tried to reach out.

He never actually apologizes with words and instead tries to do it through actions. I bet you that Larry does the exact same thing too but Connor probably never realized or picked up on it. (I could do a full character study on Larry too omg he’s a great specimen to take apart and a fantastically flawed character like everyone else in the show its beautiful fuck)

He’s got a dark sense of humor.

When finding out Evan broke his arm from falling out of a tree, he replies with a “That’s the saddest fucking thing I ever heard.” But he doesn’t say it in a mean way. He smiles and laughs under his breath.

HE WAS TELLING A JOKE. He was trying his best to be nice to Evan and lightly joke around with him but I doubt they have similar styles of humor. I think it’s the only time Connor actually genuinely smiles too??

And Evan doesn’t really laugh. It’s more of a nervous “plz don’t hurt me again ur a lil scary” kinda laugh. So Connor backs off and changes the subject.

He’s observant.

He notices that no one signed Evan’s cast. 

He noticed that Evan has no friends hence the “now we can both pretend we have friends” line. 

He noticed Evan’s sad and alone so he’s making an effort to be nice to him. 

He noticed that he printed a piece of paper and that it would be a good ice breaker. 

He’s quiet and he notices things. It’s subtle but it’s there. I bet you Connor secretly knows everything about everyone. 

The boy just wants a damn friend. 

He’s lonely. Evan’s clearly lonely. Why not try to befriend him?

He’s signs his cast super big so it takes up the whole arm. For one, it gets a laugh out of the audience. But two, he kinda knows that no one else will sign it so he makes his name extra big so everyone will see and know that both of them aren’t alone/friendless.

This is also interesting to me because I wonder if Connor knew he was going to kill himself then. Often times suicide is something people plan out ahead of time. I wonder if he knew what he was going to do and I wonder if writing that on Evan’s arm was a secret way for him to leave something semi permanent behind. A way to be sure that someone would remember him when he’s gone. If that’s the case then that was some powerful shit to slip in and it hurts my soul.

He’s angry and paranoid and suicidal.

So obviously Connor reads Evan note to himself, thinks it’s about him, freaks out and leaves. That’s the last time we see Connor.

I’ve looked at this scene in a few different ways. The first way I see it is that Connor could of had symptoms of paranoia. He sees his sister’s name and his first thought is that Evan did this in a malicious manor. He views people as out to get him. It doesn’t take much to set him off. He’s got a lot of anger inside of him that he doesn’t know how to release in a healthy way so it ends up with him blowing up over the slightest little bumps in the road.

The second way I view it is a little different. If I’m thinking about my point before (about him already having plans to kill himself) then I wonder if he was just using the paper as an excuse to get angry and leave. He had already made his mark using Evan’s cast. His name was there. He technically didn’t need Evan anymore. Thus he “freaks out” over this paper and it helps fuel his desires to end his own life. As someone who has been suicidal in the past, I understand wanting to find every excuse you can to help end things, to justify what you’re doing, and to push people away. It’s a super fucked up way of thinking but, when you put yourself into that mindset, I don’t think it’s that crazy of an idea.

“Is this about my sister? You wrote this because you knew I’d find it.” (Hinting at the paranoia point) “Yeah you, uh, saw that I was the only other person in the computer lab.” (Mentally trying to convince himself to believe that Evan did this on purpose, even though it goes against everything he already knows about Evan) “So I could read some creepy shit you wrote about my sister and freak out, right?” (here comes the anger) “Then you could tell everybody that I’m crazy! Right?! Fuck you!” (cue the storm off)

And then we hear from Evan that Connor hasn’t been in school for three days.

And eventually we find out why.

From everything that Connor, himself, has told us he’s deeply hurting. He’s quiet. Observant. He’s got many unchecked mental health issues. He doesn’t feel heard. He’s lonely. He uses coping methods to get by. He has little to no self worth. He carries around a lot of guilt. He acts out on people he know won’t fight him back. Probably because he needs to feel superior because everywhere else in his life he feels stepped on. He is both a bully and bullied. He had little regard for strong authority aka Larry. He craves personal connections but doesn’t know how to obtain them or keep them. He’s broken. So that’s how I try my best to write him.

THEN we have what everyone else tells us about Connor. This should all be taken with a grain of salt because everyone views people differently but their words shouldn’t be totally disregarded either. (Yes I’m going to go on longer even though you never asked for this I’M SORRY I CAN’T STOP NOW) So let’s see what little Connor character traits we can find out from other people that could be potentially used for writing him in the future.

The scene during For Forever tells a lot of about Connor through his family:

Zoe: Connor wasn’t very nice so that makes sense.

Cynthia: Connor was…a complicated person.

Zoe: No. Connor was a bad person. There’s a difference.

In response to finding out Connor pushed Evan. Zoe is shown to have no sympathy for her brother’s actions while Cynthia continues to make excuses for him. I see that as Connor having no mercy on his sister but probably playing his mom to his advantage with what he knew he could get away with.  

Cynthia: Did Connor tell you about the Harris’? We used to go skiing together, our families.

Zoe: Connor hated skiing.

Not a sports, activity kinda guy. Doesn’t like things involving social gatherings. Not friendly.

Larry: Somebody had to be the bad guy.

In response to reading Connor’s emails. This one is a little iffy in regards to Connor’s character. It’s more a Larry thing. Because I don’t know if Connor was actually aware that his emails were read or not but either way it shows that he was completely not trusted by his family. Also that pointing out again that Cynthia was probably a push over when it came to Connor and he knew that.

Cynthia: We used to go to the orchard all the time. We;d do picnics there. Remember that Zoe?

Zoe: Yeah I do.

Cynthia: You and Connor had that little toy plane that you would fly. [to Larry, with sad laughter] Until you flew it into the creek.

Larry: No that was an emergency landing.

This is big. Things weren’t always hell in the Murphy house. There were good memories. Sadly though good memories are often overshadowed by the bad ones. Connor seemed to cast a huge shadow over this family. But it is important to note that Connor and Zoe used to play together as children. Things. Aren’t. Always. Awful. Connor wasn’t a reckless beast. He can be written to be playful and funny and sarcastic and sweet. Just balance it out with the angst. People are complicated and have tons of depth so try to write them that way if you can.

Other things said at random points throughout the play…

Jared:

“Connor Murphy is batshit out of his mind. Remember when he threw a printer at Mrs. G in second grade because he didn’t get to be the line leader that day? 

Connor has had anger issues since he was a child too.

Alana: 

“Still can’t believe the terrible news about @ connormurphy. I wouldn’t say that we were friends exactly. More like acquaintances. We were in chemistry together. I’m pretty sure. Also he was in my English class in 10th grade. Almost positive. Yeah he was definitely in my English class. Three days ago Connor Murphy was here and now hes gone. If Connor meant something to you please retweet or private message me if you just wanna talk. At time like thees we could all use a friend.”

Honestly, this says way more about Alana’s character but it still mentions Connor so I’m adding it.

But what I do get from this was the Connor has/had a twitter (or some form of social media, but I’m assuming twitter since the “retweet” bit) and Alana followed him on it?

“He was one of my closest acquaintances. He was my lab partner in Chemistry and we presented on Huck Fin together in 10th grade. He was so funny. Instead of calling it, well, Huck Fin…[fades off]. Nobody else in our class thought of that.”

Again, speaks more to Alana’s character than Connors. But I also wonder if this is actually true or if she made this up in a similar fashion to Evan in order to put herself in the story…since she didn’t even recall if he was in those classes or not earlier.

BUT assuming that this was true, Connor doesn’t seem to care much for school. Or he could have been trying to make jokes in order to gain friends. If he worked with Alana on projects, her personality would have steam rolled over his. I think she would be the type of person he would sit back and let take control and tell him what to do then just go along with it.

Zoe: 

“Just because Connor isn’t here, trying to punch through my door, screaming that he’s going to kill me for no reason, that doesn’t mean that all of a sudden we’re the fucking Brady Bunch.” 

I mean…yikes.

“After all you put me through. Don’t say it wasn’t true. That you were not the monster that I knew”

 This shit just breaks my damn heart. You are not the monster that I knew is one of my favorite lines in the entire play. In Zoe’s story, Connor is the villain. He hurt her. He abused her. And no one did anything about it to protect her or stop him. I haven’t really had a chance to write too much of Zoe into my writings yet but I know that if/when I do, Connor is not going to be a kind character to her.

Larry: 

“We didn’t think Connor had any friends.” 

All they found with Connor was Evan’s letter. I wonder how many times he reread it, if at all, before he died. Do you think he calmed down and looked at it again through a different light? This time maybe seeing how depressed and unhappy Evan was too? I wonder if he found comfort in that at all and that’s why it was still in his pocket. Of course that’s purely speculation on my part. He could have just shoved it in there and forgot it was there. That’s the beautiful thing about this play, there’s a lot that the viewer can piece together and take away on their own. Things are never fed to you. They present them simply and let you take what you need from it.

Anyway, yeah, Connor had no friends. That point was already kinda clear though.

“I gave you the world. You threw it away.” 

Connor grew up in a well off family. They were rich. He literally could of had anything he wanted but he didn’t. I take that as Connor not giving a shit about material items. He probably has little regard for things. You could write that as him throwing and breaking near by items if he’s mad or simply tossing things around and not caring abobut them. Whereas someone who grew up poor, would be more likely to take care of their things because they know they can’t just get more.

“I didn’t realize Connor meant this much to people.” 

In his father’s eyes, Connor didn’t mean very much. He was probably able to pick up on that and it would affect his attitude and behavior to other people. If he felt he didn’t mean much to his own father, then why would he ever be special to anyone else?

“He left it in the bag with the tags still on.”

Larry’s weak attempt at reaching out to his son with a baseball glove. It was probably obvious to everyone that Connor was not a sports person. He probably hated baseball. But Larry likes it so he tried to force his hobbies onto Connor. It was received by Connor not even opening the gift. From Connor’s perspective, he could have taken that as a ‘wow my father knows literally nothing about me wtf’ where as Larry would have viewed that differently but this is not about Larry asd;kfja

“Your dad must feel pretty lucky to have a son like you.” 

Another great line in this play! It hurts my soul. Connor is a disappointment to his father. Larry wished Connor could have been something more than he was. Once again, this shit would weigh on Connor’s mind and fuck him up.

Cynthia: 

“I don’t remember the last time I heard him laugh.” 

That shit is dark yo. Connor doesn’t laugh around his family. He’s unhappy there.

“Connor didn’t get invited to any bar mitzvahs” [paraphrasing that quote]

Cynthia always had hope for Connor. I like to imagine Connor not being as nasty to his mother than everyone in the family. She really loved him and I hope he could feel that deep down.

And, of course, Evan: 

“Over the summer I found this yearbook thing that our class made in 8th grade. Most people did collages of their friends. But Connor’s was a list of his ten favorite books.”

One of my favorite bits I like to write into stories is that Connor liked to read. For a middle school kid to have ten favorite books, and care enough about them to put them into a yearbook, is kinda of special. Books are methods of escapism to many people and I like to think Connor is included in that group. 

OKAY IM GOING TO STOP THIS IS SO LONG I AM SO SORRY THIS WAS NOT THE RESPONSE YOU WERE LOOKING FOR I WROTE YOU A DUMB CHARACTER STUDY INSTEAD. THIS IS ALL HOW I SEE CONNOR SO IT’S HOW I TRY TO WRITE HIM YOU COULD SEE HIM SUPER DIFFERENTLY AND WRITE HIM DIFFERENTLY THATS WHAT IS SO GREAT ABOUT WRITING

So I got a couple of messages about the “straight ships” post and I feel the need to clarify that I don’t have any issue with people who don’t ship m/f pairings. I wholeheartedly believe in letting people enjoy whatever ships they enjoy, but I have come across some people who berate those for enjoying straight ships. I’ve come across some people who have some kind of superiority complex over the fact that they don’t ship straight ships. I’ve come across people who have acted like shipping a straight ship somehow makes you less accepting of non-straight ships. I’ve come across people who agree certain characters would make a good pairing but still argue against people shipping them simply because they’re straight (which is what I think the OP meant by the first sentence about people who “refuse” to ship m/f pairings), like there’s some kind of rule about it. I’ve even come across people who do like certain m/f pairings but have said that they feel like they shouldn’t because they’re straight and they’ve been pressured by other people.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with people who don’t ship straight ships (I ship very few myself) but I do think there’s something wrong with acting like people who do are somehow homophobic or ignorant.

As I said, the wording in that post was much stronger than I would use for expressing that idea, but I still agree with the idea. Shipping is supposed to be fun so, if people ship straight couples, just let them enjoy their ships.

Anyway, I’m going to add the messages I received regarding this here (don’t worry, everyone one was perfectly polite--I just got the feeling that the post had been misunderstood as me saying you should ship straight ships, when it wasn’t).

From Anon,

http://www.ilovetelevisionzines.com/another-boring-straight-couple-why-i-hate-your-canon/

This article has some points. Ross and Rachel are often deemed one of the best and romantic Canon ships on a show of all time. But I always thought even this so called most romantic sitcom trip was very unbalanced.

Tiny extract but the whole entire is worth a read.

’On Friends, Ross loves Rachel. And heshows that love through a jealousy and obsession that should send any flesh and blood woman running for the hills. Ross can’t stand it when Rachel has a male co-worker or - God forbid - friend. His acts possessive of Rachel and marks his territory. He treats Rachel like an object to be fought for. His jealousy causes bitter fights and leads to the first of their many, many break-ups. In real life, a man trying to separate a woman from her friends is the redest of flags. Here, it is a sign of the depth of Ross’s passion. In reality, people are autonomous beings, not objects to be fought over. But on Friends, Ross fights to win Rachel because he loves her.’

I think this article has quite a few good points. I don’t prefer f/f or m/m because I’m hetrophobic, but because m/f have made me numb with it being pushed on me since I was four with romance being added into every kid movie ever. Most 12 years old I know don’t care less about romance. But so many 12 year Olds in films and TV end up invested in a realtionship or whatever. I was like ‘why are they targeting this stuff at is so early?’ and a lot of it just seems unhealthy.

http://www.ilovetelevisionzines.com/another-boring-straight-couple-why-i-hate-your-canon/

Dear Anon,

I actually agree with this quite a lot. There are so many problematic “love” stories out there and Ross and Rachel is one in particular that I always disliked (even though I love the show). Everything about their relationship, mostly due to Ross’s behaviour, was very unhealthy and I don’t think they would work. They only “work” because the writers wanted Ross to get the girl in the end. There is a lot of harmful sexism still present in the writing of TV and movies (mostly involving women being a prize whose own feelings are unimportant) and the traditional boy-likes-girl therefore guy-gets-girl story is lazy and boring, so I totally get the points this article is making. At the same time, Friends created Monica and Chandler, a straight couple who I feel did have a really good story and did have a very healthy relationship. So, while I despise Ross and Rachel, I ship Monica and Chandler to hell and back.

From Anon,

https://www.google.com.au/amp/www.afterellen.com/tv/475459-im-boycotting-straight-white-television/amp

Although I do think this article has a point. I mean, it it is a little blunter than I would say, but I don’t think people are boring for not personally shipping m/f. Even in m/f today there are so many unhealthy gender dymanics that get passed over for being cute. And there is still a crazy huge amount of m/f compared to E everything else.

A study was just published by USC demonstrating how exclusive film and television can really be. Out of the 414 films and television shows they examined, and the 11,194 speaking roles, only 2% were LGB. Out of that number, 72.1% were male. That leaves only 49 lesbian speaking roles and seven transgender roles. And seeing about fiften percent of people identity as none straight, 2 percent of characters (normally side charctersc, not even main characters) is not a lot.

Dear Anon,

I don’t think people are boring for having their own preferences either. I think I interpreted the first sentence of that post differently than others did. My mind focused on the word “refused”, which I took to mean they were talking about people who would ship an m/f pairings because they do think their personalities match up well but, despite how they actually feel, will refuse to ship them just because they’re straight. I have met a few people who are like that and it’s just bizarre to me. Why put a weird set of rules on what things you’re allowed to like and not like? That’s strange enough as it is, but I’ve met a lot of people who also try to impose those same rules on other people (which I think the rest of the post was about) and I’m really not okay with it when people do that.

I understand not shipping m/f pairings just because they aren’t interesting to you anymore because you see them everywhere. I ship very few m/f pairings myself for that exact same reason but, once in a while, I see an m/f pairing that just clicks so well that I ship them anyway despite my usual preferences.

From Anon,

My brother is a straight dude who only dates women but will only read f/f or m/m novels. I get the f/f but I asked him about the m/m and he told me it was because he felt these novels had more room to explore a different dymanic with gender politics thrown out the window in these relationships. He said he grew up on f/m Disney films, movies, books, tv and that he was just wanted a change. So while Tumblr heavily leans towards same sex couples, most of the world of fiction is still the opposite.

Dear Anon,

My response to this post would basically have been the same as the one above so I likely would have posted the two submissions together and responded to them together. The formatting for this is just kind of weird so I thought I should clarify that lol But, yeah, please read above ^_^

From Anon,

So this blog needs for straight ships them. Hmmmmmmm. Rose annoys me so she's out. I like Kevin/Annie. Hmmmmmmm. That is only one though. I shall ship Doug/Celeste to even the numbers out a bit then.

Dear Anon,

lol You don’t have to ship straight ships or invent some just for the sake of balancing out, but I appreciate the effort XD

long post -/ cael talks about her new asthma medication and recent Realizations

honestly? im noticing a lot of improvement since i started the new medication. its a corticosteroid, which is a kind of drug that is exclusively for treating constrictive asthma. there are two different types of asthma, see: theres inflammatory, which responds well to treatment with ventalin, the most common inhaler which provides immediate, “emergency” relief when you have an attack of inflammatory asthma, and theres constrictive, which doesnt respond to it at all. this was the “missing link” i was looking for. i didnt know about the medication requirements for that form of asthma until a few days ago when i had a major attack of constrictive asthma.

it.... took me a lot to finally say to my mum “i need to go to a doctor. i am having a lot of trouble breathing, and i cannot function. i know this cannot be normal.” it took even more, though, to say to her that i needed to stay home that day, and miss the GED class im taking - even though the day before was the first session. my mom has screamed at me and called me a failure and an idiot before, when she caught me skipping school because of depression and fatigue. that was a very very big step for me, facing my fear of my mom yelling at me again. but i could not focus on anything, not with how laboured my breathing was. it was the frustration of not being able to sleep that finally pushed me over the edge - while i was up all night with my then untreated and untreatable asthma attack, i 

i told her my symptoms, and then explained to her my, uh, “theory” that i had a form of asthma that didnt respond to ventalin. i got the name wrong (i mixed up constrictive and inflammatory), but otherwise, i got it entirely correct. i was so scared that she might brush me off, like what had happened before with so many people when i was younger. it had even happened with other doctors. but, fortunatley, she quickly agreed with me that it appears i need a corticosteroid as well as my ventalin to treat my symptoms.

i didnt know, before very recently, that ventalin is exclusively for inflammatory asthma, or that constrictive asthma requires cordicosteroids to treat. all along, i thought i was just being lazy, or dumb, or panicking, or lying, or a that i just didnt care. because people have said things like this to me. all throughout my life. i would say, “i cannot breathe,” and they would say, “take your emergency (ventalin) puffer.” so i would. and when i said i still didnt feel better, after i took my ventalin puffer in front of them, they stopped believing it could be asthma. older people, the ones who were supposed to take care of kids when theyre hurting, were the MOST dissmissive of my complaints. because they thought they knew everything about what asthma was. better than a kid who had it.

i thought that whatever it was, it couldnt be asthma, because so many older people told me so. no one ever told me that constrictory asthma needed a different additional medication. no one told me that i needed it. everyone said that asthma could just be treated with a ventalin inhaler, period, and that if i was so out of breath, i should just use mine. and i did. and itd didnt work. so i figured... i must not have asthma. because surely an adult knows better than i do, right?

as i grew up, my memories faded as memories do - but none so much as that of the visit to the doctors when i was first diagnosed. i can remember only a precious handful of details now; a diagram that depicted the inside of the lungs, shown with one having its air-tubes contracted tightly, and the other clogged up with mucus. i forgot about it because i was full of self loathing, i feel like, at least in part - its much harder to control your emotions when you dont have enough oxygen to normally power your brain, and the bullying i withstood, while not violent, was very frequent. i was very much not a “popular kid,” ill leave it there. a lot of people hated me. and a lot of people only pretended to like me, and i wasnt able to tell they were laughing at me. when you have shit like that on your mind constantly, and youre oxygen starved??? you tend to be a little, uh, distracted. im not surprised that i dont remember it well. but i wish i did. all i know for sure is that at the end of the day, i had a ventalin puffer, and that was it. i think there may have been a misunderstanding - when the doctor said that the cortisol (the most common, brand-name corticosteroid) is for long-term relief and the ventalin is for emergencies, my mom might have thought something along the lines of, “my child had an asthma attack, and it was an emergency. therefore ventalin is what we need, not cortisol.” but again, i dont know that for sure, and i dont want to throw anyone under the bus. it may have been that, or it may not have been. but i feel that my mom likely wouldnt remember if i asked her - taking ME to a doctors appointment wouldnt rank very high on her “important life moments” list, i suspect.

and so as i grew up, again, i had ventalin, but i very rarely remember having cortisol around, let alone taking it. uh, sorry i mean, corticosteroids. anyway, um... i think i was depressed then, even as a kid. my mom did not impress the importance of the medicine on me - she said it wasnt a that big a deal, that i only need to take it “sometimes.” and so when i ran out, i figured i didnt have to rush to tell her. and, of course, i didnt have the energy to take it every day - couldnt breath. in fact, because it required me to wash my mouth out through after taking it every morning and night, it was significantly more difficult to take the medicine that treated my constrictive asthma. and again, i did not have energy to let me do what i knew i was supposed to. and i did not know that just taking the corticosteroid regularly would help me get my energy back, because no one ever told me that my energy had... WENT anywhere. they didnt mention it being a part of the disease, so i assumed to was unrelated. i didnt know the science behind it back then, i was a little kid! and so it was that every time i had a flair-up, people kept telling me to use my ventalin inhaler, the one thats for “emergencies,” if i really felt so bad. and so.... i would. and the ventalin would not ease my constricted lungs, because its intended for inflammation. and when i tried to tell them it wasnt working, people would start telling me it wasnt asthma, and that it had to be something else - something that i was fucking up. and i believed them. i believed what they told me. because i thought that adults were supposed to be smart, and know more than kids, and that they were supposed to protect me when i said i was hurting. i thought they were supposed to help children when theyre hurting. and so all along, i believed them, cause why would they lie to me? they must know what theyre talking about. adults know more than kids, they never shut up about it, i probably thought. and... so i started to really internalize the idea that it was my fault. that i was always so tired, and forgetful, and weak, and exhausted, and out of breath, and bad at talking, and bad at concentrating, and bad in school, and bad at everything... because i was just a bad person. i even thought it was my fault that my hands wouldnt stop shaking - no matter how much i drew. my lines were always crooked and bent. so because i never knew that cortisol was the medicine i needed the most, i was never ABLE to stop my hands from shaking, no matter how hard i tried and how much i practiced drawing. so i assumed i was just a naturally shitty artist, and began to resign myself to a life of never being able to create something beautiful. no matter how much i practiced drawing.

all of it was because of my constrictive asthma - either because of too little air being able to penetrate my lungs and oxygenate my body and bloodstream, or because of the sharp, sudden and literally dizzying rips of air that i had to suck in just to breath at all.

all these years of hating myself have been perpetuated so needlessly, all because people assumed they knew better than a kid. even when the kid tells you “he” (really she, im talking about me as a kid after all) has a disease and that “he” (again, she) cant breathe and that “he” (SHE) has tried what you are suggesting and it does ever work. even if that kid is literally telling them, “it is my disease that is causing this.”

because people brushed me off, and put me down, even when i was telling them that i couldnt breath. even when i tried to explain to them that i felt like i was being slowly suffocated, by an invisble hand squeezing the air out of my chest. because thats what it DOES feel like.

...fuck, man. that was fucked up.

A Man Like Bruce Wayne (Bruce Wayne x Reader)

A/N: So this took me forever to write not only because I’m a lazy piece of shit but also because it was a request that required a lot of build up. I’m sure there was an easier way to go about it but I like to make everything harder than it needs to be. Lol. I’m so sorry if this was not my best, I’m still very new to writing fan fiction but I put a lot of time into it so I hope you guys like it! Feedback is much appreciated!

Y/N- Your Name

Y/L/N- Your Last Name

Warning(s): Cursing? I think that’s it..

Request: “imagine request please? i wanted to ask for a request where bruce is in love with the reader who is also in love with him. he usually drops hints that she can see but she doesnt take it serious because she doesnt want to misread it so one day, one faithful day, with the help of the batfamily he tells her outright? fluffy with lots of sarcasm please? thank you so much.” -anon

As you walked up the steps to Wayne Manor you couldn’t help but be nervous. This wasn’t your first rodeo.. you’d been a homeschooling teacher for years. You’d even taught for other high profile families before, but this one was different. Not only was this kid the son of the most important man in Gotham, but he also had a sort of reputation with scaring off his teachers. Many of your coworkers had warned you against taking the job. You were the nicest educator in the district and they didn’t want to see you fall on your face like the others before you. But you insisted that you could handle it.. no child deserved to be given up on, no matter how difficult they were said to be. When you reached the door you straightened up, took a deep breath, and rang the doorbell. When it opened you were greeted by an older man, definitely not the man of the house, but his butler maybe.. He smiled at you, his eyes kind.

“Ms Y/L/N, I presume?” he asks.

You give a polite nod and he steps aside allowing you to walk in. He closes the door behind you before leading you through the house and into the study. All of Damian’s school supplies were set up on the table in the room, yet he was nowhere to be found.

“Master Bruce will be with you shortly..” he informed you before exiting the room.

It wasn’t odd for the parent of the child to want to speak with you on the first day and introduce themselves, but that didn’t stop the anxiety from bubbling up inside you this time. The opinion of a man like Bruce Wayne could make or break your career.. it could be the one thing that determined if you ever found work in this city again and the thought made you want to go back in time and maybe second guess taking this job. You had never been one to back down from a challenge but this definitely was a lot of pressure. You didn’t even have time to form another thought though when he walked in. It took everything in you not to gawk at him. He was just as good looking as everyone had said he was. Of course you’d seen pictures and videos of him before, but it was nothing compared to seeing him in person. He was even taller than you had imagined.. he had raven black hair and the prettiest blue eyes you’d ever seen.

You probably could have admired his appearance all day had he not extended his hand out to you, bringing you back to reality. You shook his hand as he spoke.

“Ms. Y/L/N.. Its very nice to meet you. Im Bruce Wayne. Im glad you could make it on such short notice.. as you know our last instructor left very abruptly.” he said with a gorgeous smile, as if his good  looks could distract you from the fact that his son just might be Satan reincarnate.

You smiled back. “Its no problem at all. I’m really looking forward to meeting Damian.”

He looked at you then with his brows raised. You took it that he probably hadn’t heard that one before.

“Father, Id appreciate it greatly if you would stop flirting with the help..” you heard a voice say from behind you.

You blushed furiously as Bruce scolded his child, and apologized to you. He cleared his throat and focused his attention back on Damian.

“Right.. Well, ill let the two of you get to work. If you need anything Alfred and I will be just down the hall.” he said, walking over to the door. Before he left though he leans down to whisper something to the young boy. You could’ve sworn he had told him to “behave”, to which Damian rolled his eyes. After his father left he turned and walked over to where you were standing. You smile at him and start to introduce yourself.

“Hello Damian.. Im-” but he cuts you off.

“Ms Y/L/N.. I heard.” he sits down at the table, and you sigh.

Two seconds in and the kid already wants nothing to do with you. You sit down next to him, still smiling though. You were determined to get him to like you.

“So, I thought we would start out with math. Where did your last teacher leave off with you?” you ask pulling out your copy of the textbook. He flips open to the page he was last on in his book and starts to work without another word.

“You know all of this already?” you ask, and he just nods.

“Are you sure you don’t need any help?” you question and to that he doesn’t respond.

You both stay quiet for a while as he continues to work and you grade some of his past assignments that his previous teacher hadn’t gotten to do. Eventually though you notice him start to struggle with a problem. You can tell that his pride is keeping him from asking for help, so you set your papers aside and explain to him how to solve the problem. He resists a bit at first but soon accepts your help. Not long after that he slowly starts to open up to you little by little. You were different from his other teachers, you didnt talk down to him and you gave him the space he had needed when he wanted to work on his own. After that the school day went by more quickly than you had expected and soon it was time to finish up your session. You assigned Damian his homework for the night and you both gathered up all your things so you could be on your way.

As you were doing this Bruce had wandered back in to talk to his son. They talked in hushed tones but judging by the look on the older Wayne’s face you could tell that your job was safe. Damian left the room soon after and Bruce walked up to you. He picked up some of your books, helping you clean up. You couldn’t help but smile.

“Your son is very bright, you know.” You say looking up at him. “One of the smartest kids I’ve ever had the pleasure of teaching.” you continue.

This makes Bruce smile too.

“I’m really glad to hear that.. hes a good kid. He’s just- He’s been through a lot. Damian didn’t exactly have the most normal childhood with his mother.” he said with a slight frown.

It made you wonder what he meant. You knew Damian had been a new addition to the Wayne family, but you didn’t really know much about his life before Bruce. No one did. The Wayne’s private lives were just that.. private.

You slung your book bag over your shoulder and walked out of the room with Bruce, who was still holding the last of your textbooks. You felt like you were back in high school and the popular boy that everyone had a crush on was walking you to class.

Once you get to the front door you reach for your books and he hands them back to you, a small smile playing at the corners of his lips.

“Thank you again, Mr Wayne.. for giving me this opportunity. I wont let you or your son down.” you promise as he opens the door for you.

“Bruce..” you hear him say.

You turn back around to face him.

“Pardon?” you raise your brows and he laughs.

“Call me Bruce.” he clarifies.

“Oh! Right.. of course.” you giggle and give him a wave before making your way to your car and driving away. You had a feeling you were gonna like it here.

(4 MONTHS LATER)

You’d been working for the Wayne family for a few months now and in that time you got closer to not only Damian but to Bruce as well. Damian wasn’t the only one who looked forward to seeing you everyday.. that being said, your and Bruce’s relationship had never went past subtle flirting and innocent touches. Today had been different though. It was the afternoon before Damian was supposed to start Spring break.. meaning that for the next almost two weeks Bruce wouldn’t be able to see you. It was weird for him to think about. You’d been at the manor basically every day sans weekends for the last 4 months. And while Bruce knew rationally that he could go without seeing you until school started up again, he didn’t want to have to wait. And that’s when he decided to break all of his own rules.

It had been one of those rare sunny days in Gotham, so you decided to have class out with Damian out in the Manor’s backyard. You were just finishing up for the day when Bruce asked if he could speak with you in private.

You immediately tensed up. Here was the moment you had been dreading. Had your flirting gone too far? Did Bruce want someone more serious to teach his son? You thought everything had been going really well, but you’d been wrong about things before. You followed Bruce through the house and into his office. This was it, you thought. This was where you got fired. As soon as you were both in the room he closed the door behind him and turned to face you. His features softened as he looked upon you and that made you confused. He didn’t look like he was about to fire you but then again he could just be pitying you. Bruce interrupted your thoughts though when he pressed his lips to yours. It was the exact opposite of what you were expecting him to do, and also the only thing you wanted to do to him since the first day you met. It didn’t take long for you start kissing him back, your fingers curling up into his perfectly styled hair. His hands found their way to your waist as he pulled you closer to him, his chest now pressed against yours. You felt lightheaded, it was like you had forgotten how to breathe.

You pulled away, you didn’t want to but you knew that if you didn’t you might pass out. You lay your forehead against his and close your eyes.

“Y/N…” you heard him whisper.

No one had ever said your name like that.. it made you feel weak in the knee’s. In that moment you would’ve done whatever he had wanted you to do.

“Yes Bruce?” you answer.

He smiled at his name leaving your lips.

“Only took four months to get you to actually call me Bruce.” he chuckles softly.

You cant help but laugh.. you remembered he told you to call him by his first name the day you met but you could never bring yourself to do it. Today it was different story.. you were kissing in his office.. It felt weird to call him “Mr Wayne” now.

“Ive been wanting to tell you something for some time..” he said.

You felt your heart skip a beat in your chest as he spoke.

“Y/N im in lo-” before you realized what you’re doing though you stopped him.

“Bruce.. no.” his smile fades and you can feel your heart breaking.

You want nothing more than to let him finish his sentence and part of you is screaming because you wont.. But the other part knows that itd never work.. not only because you were Damian’s teacher and it was unprofessional to date a parent, but also because he was Bruce Wayne..

“May I ask why?” he says, and you can hear the pain in his voice even though hes trying his hardest to seem like he’s not totally crushed.

“Bruce you have no idea how much id love to let you finish that sentence of yours.. but, I just cant. You’re you and I’m me and it would never work out.. even though more than anything I wish it could.” you respond.

He looks away, unable to make eye contact with you. Never in your life did you think you’d be turning down a man this amazing.. but here you were doing just that. Stupid morals.

“I think- I think maybe I should go now.. I’m so so sorry..” you said as you grabbed your things and walked out the door.

(2 WEEKS LATER)

Bruce hadn’t spoken to you in almost two weeks and he hadn’t stopped thinking about you in all that time either. A week into the spring break you emailed him your letter of resignation. You explained how sorry you were to do this on such short notice but you thought that it was what was best for everyone now that there were feelings involved. When Bruce finally told Damian, the kid wasn’t ready to just give up. He was determined to get you to come back. So determined in fact that he called up Dick, Jason, and Tim to help him come up with a plan. The boys had noticed that Bruce had gotten grumpier over the last couple weeks now that you were gone. They had all loved you from the get go and saw how just your presence brought out Bruce’s more lighthearted side. He wasn’t as tense, he laughed and joked more.. they’d never seen him like that before. All they knew is that they had to get that back. So they confronted Bruce with their idea.. They knew exactly how to get you to trust that Bruce was serious about you.. but they also knew that he might not approve of the idea.

The plan was to have Bruce reveal his identity as the batman to you. It was a big risk and Bruce didn’t tell just anyone. When the boys first brought the idea to him he shot it down immediately. While he had fallen in love with you in the short amount of time that he had known you, telling you about being batman was never apart of the plan. At least not this early on. He figured if you had felt the same way about him you’d form a bond first, a strong relationship, and then if things worked our between you two maybe a few years down the line he’d let you into that part of his life. Bruce always had a set way that things were supposed to go, they had to be by the book.. but maybe this time he needed to be more spontaneous.. You were like no one he had ever met before. Maybe it was time to take a chance and truly let someone see him for everything that he was. Now that spring break was almost over Bruce knew he had a limited amount of time before you went on to teach for another family that wasn’t his own.

The evening before the first day back to school had come and Bruce had finally got into contact with you. You had agreed to come over and say your goodbyes personally. You’d grown quite attached to the Wayne family and you figured you owed them at least that. As you walked back up the steps to the Manor for what you thought was the last time you couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming amount of sadness wash over you. But you knew it was what had to be done. Damian was the one to answer the door this time much to your surprise, usually it was Alfred. You looked down at the young boy and smiled. You could tell he was trying to keep a straight face, he was probably still upset about you leaving. But as soon as he saw you smile he couldn’t help but smile too.

“Hello Dami.. hows your break been?” you ask as you step inside.

You both continued to talk as you made you way deeper into the house. Damian led you into the kitchen where the rest of the family aside from Bruce and Alfred were waiting. As you walked in you felt all eyes on you and you were immediately uncomfortable.. you never did like being the center of attention.

“Uhm.. whats going on?” you ask.

You take a seat at the table with the rest of them. You felt awkward being the only one standing in a room full of people.

“Hey Ms Y/L/N. How ya been?” Dick smiled.

“You know you can call me Y/N, Richard..” you laugh.

“Yeah, Dick. She’s not your teacher. You don’t need to kiss ass..” Jason snorts.

“Language, Jay.. there are children in the room.” Tim says looking at Damian.

“The only child I see here is you, Drake.” Damian sneers.

“This is why we so rarely have all the boys in the same place at once.” you hear Alfred say as he walks into the room.

“Hello Miss.. its nice to see you again.” he greets you.

You get up to hug him, you always had a soft spot for Alfred. You spent many hours in the kitchen with the older man drinking tea and catching up on life after a long day of teaching. As you pull away you see Bruce walk in. You wonder to yourself why he always had to look so good.. its gonna make saying goodbye 10 times harder. You pull your gaze away from him and look to everyone

“I.. I probably shouldn’t stay too long.. I just wanted to come here and say goodbye in person..” you stutter out before composing yourself and continuing. “In the short amount of time that i worked here I’ve come to care immensely for every single one of you.. and it saddens me that I have to leave but-” before you can finish Bruce steps forward.

“But what if you didn’t have to leave? What if I could prove to you that I’m serious about this.. about us?” he asks.

“Bruce..” you sigh.

“Y/N.. Its not often I put myself in situations like this. Opening up to people, Letting them see this side of me.. Its not a thing that happens.” he confesses.  

“What do you mean?” you furrow your brows, obviously confused.

“I’d like to show you something before you leave.. if that’s okay? And if it doesn’t change your mind about everything then I promise I will not bother you again..” he says, now very serious.

You look around at the boys who are all now smiling at you.. obviously you weren’t in on the joke and you couldn’t lie it made you really curious.

“Okay… Show me what you got.” you say.

With that Bruce smiles and reaches his hand out for you to take. You grab it hesitantly as he pulls you along to the big grandfather clock out in the hall. He stops you in front of it and you officially have no idea whats going on.

“Umm..” you start to say but stop yourself when the clock moves out of the way to reveal a staircase that leads to underneath the manor. You look at Bruce, your eyes wide.

“Is this where you murder me and hide my body in your creepy basement with all of Damian’s previous homeschooling teachers?” you ask, only half joking.

Bruce lets out a soft laugh. “No, that was not the plan.. You watch too many horror movies.”

He steps in front of you, leading the way down the staircase and you follow along, the boys not far behind you.

Once you reach the bottom you notice that you’re now in what looks to be a cave.. a cave with thousands of dollars worth of technology everywhere. You look around, taking everything in and that’s when you see it. You walk across the large room and up to the glass case that was holding what had caught your attention. You couldn’t believe it.. Batman’s suit. You were in the batcave and that could only mean..

You spin around on your heel and see Bruce and the boys watching you from the stairs. You walk back over to them and stop in front of Bruce.

“You’re..” you cant even finish your sentence when he nods.

“Why are you showing me this? Why trust me with this kind of information?” you ask in amazement.

“I told you.. I’m serious about this.” he says, gesturing to you and himself. “This is not something  I take lightly.. but I wanted to prove to you that I’m not just-” you cut him off.

“Billionaire playboy Bruce Wayne?” you say for him.

“Precisely..”  he chuckles.

You take his hands in yours and look up at him.

“Bruce…. you are a man of many contradictions and I realize that now that I misjudged you.. but even when I thought you were just some rich womanizer-”

“Ouch..” he interrupts.

You laugh and continue. “I still loved you… you don’t have to prove anything to me. I do appreciate the honestly though.”

“I love you..” he smiles.

“A man of many words..” Jason mumbles from behind you two.

“Shh.. you’ll ruin the moment.” Dick whispers.

“Come along, boys. Lets leave them be.. I’m sure they have much to discuss..” Alfred says ushering the them back up the stairs.

“Yeah.. I’m sure what they’re gonna be doing is ‘talking’.” Jason snorts.

“Don’t be vulgar, Todd.” you hear Damian say as they disappear.

“So…” you trail off.

And before you can say anything else you’re back in his arms and he’s kissing you and you cant believe you ever thought you could continue living your life without a man like Bruce Wayne.