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0daytrick0 · 5 months

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Week one update for work

It's been a week so far. The days are definitely going quicker. And it's been alot to take on.

As of Monday I have taken up a reliever role within the hospital within administration, surgical and theatre. I spent Monday and Tuesday getting a feel for the place. Understanding how the programs work and fullfilling my mandatory modules. Today I spent the whole day in administration completing patient paper work and organising apointments. Let me just say this... I know we all hate how much paperwork we have to fill out when we go into the hospital, but it's NOTHING compared to the amount of paperwork I have to fill out for each individual wanting to book an appointment. Don't get me started on the program we use! It's probably older than your grandma and is in a desperate need of updating and revamping. The program used to fill out for patients is literally straight out of a fallout game. The program is so ancient and tedious. So much time AND money could be saved if someone just paid someone to upgrade it. Cause GODDAMN MAN. I can't just click a box to fill it in, I gotta go through a whole procedure just to get there. And if I need to go back on a mistake. I CANT. Not untill I've filled the rest of the document out and reached the bottom. Then it will allow me to go back to what I missed. It's just so dumb and it's literally the only thing that's holding me back from learning.

Anywho! I could probably go on forever about it, but I will continue on. My life at the moment has been busy. My younger sibling graduated highschool and my family dog passed away i last week. An emotional week to say the least.

But in good news I have finally learnt how to use make-up. I used to HATE foundation, but with the help of a friend to colour match and watching an ASMR artist so her makeup, I have taught myself how to apply foundation, bronzer, blush and highlights. Now when I work at the hospital I can look the part.

I am currently obsessed with buying new stuff for work. I have this bag I really want to purchase but currently do not have the funds for it. It's called Julie Vintage Vegan Briefcase bag. It looks perfect and would suit my job so much!! At the moment the bag I have is just a cheap shein tote bag and it is terrible at holding all of my things. It was perfect for retail but terrible for the hospital. I also desire to purchase a phone case, pencil case, some notebooks and of course a cool lenyard for my hospital ID. NattyKat currently have some really cool lenyards. Redbubble currently has these really witchy phone covers, notebooks and pencil cases. I don't get paid for at least 2 and a bit weeks from now, so it will have to wait until then...

In other news I am officially a CQU student. I was accepted into central Queensland University as of last week and I couldn't be happier. I still have to enroll and pick my subjects but I should get an email next week helping me with all of that. I will once again be back on track to do a bachelor of psychological science and HOPEFULLY (with my job in the hospital) I will be able to get a position within mental health once my contracts ends next March. That's the goal at least!

Today I went grocery shopping after work and went way over budget. It's frustrating but I needed food for work. I can't just eat what's in the fridge or eat nothing at all with all the brain power I'm using. I will hopefully be getting a massive paycheck when I do get paid, so fingers crossed it's okay I splurged a little.

My 21sr birthday is coming up next weekend and I am planning on going camping and taking my 4wd out for the first time. It's been getting worked on since I bought it but fingers crossed it will be fixed enough by next weekend so I can actually take it out. I currently do not have a car and it's been frustrating to say the least. But soon, everything will hopefully fall into place since I now have an income on-top of my partner. As let me tell yah, living on one income whilst living in your own is just not doable for a long period of time. Trying to buy car parts in between all of that just barely making it to get food on the table. I can't believe we did it as long as we did. But you gotta do what you gotta do I guess.

As of right now it is 9.10pm and I am planning to get up at 5am tomorow morning to get ready for work at 7.00am. I got my period tonight so I will have no choice but to take a quick shower tomorow morning before getting dressed and doing my makeup and hair. My hair ATM is in DESPERATE need of a healing transformation. It's is so dead and untamed that doing it in the morning is a suicide mission for my arms and back. It's super curly and notty and messy. The humidity from the summer rain is not helping at the moment either. I might plan to straighten it on the weekend so I can make my life a little easier next week. A high ponytail with straight hair would do everyone a favour.

Anywho. I definitely need to go to bed now. Wish me luck on actually falling asleep when my mind is racing as fast as it is

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raincoveredeyes · 9 months

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it's august...

it's already august. it's the start of a new month. i'm already dreading how this month is going to be. i'm worried about being able to pay my bills, my therapy sessions, my work, my mental health and the goals i have set out for myself. i really want to do well and not think about it too much but it's going to be very hard for me. i started the month with going to my therapist for the first meeting with her. on the way there, i felt really sick. just the idea of going there and talking to this person about my issues and then have to work through them so that i can get better was terrifying. like i do want to feel better and get help but also the idea of having to relive everything that my brain is avoiding sounds really scary to me. i just hope i can get through this so i can get better. my therapist gave me homework to do. i have to write a list about things that i do to much of and then another list of things i don't do enough of. for example i worry too much and it affects how i live my life daily. i am really bad at taking care of my hygiene right now. i could really care less for hygiene and just go over a week not showering or brushing my teeth.

on the way home, i was planing on getting a boba but then i remembered i only have 200kr right now. i really don't have the means to buy anything as i'm not going to get paid this month. i still have to ask the people who owe me money to pay me so i will have a bit of money but it's still not enough to support me for this month. it's been a while since i lived with no money to pay my bills with. and i can't ask anyone to lend me money as i feel really embarrassed to ask and i don't want to be a burden to them. let's see how it's going to be this month.

either way, on a more happier note, i finally got to see the kittens. i'm so in love with them. i wish i could adopt one. but since i can't even pay for this month's bills, how am i going to be able to support myself and my cat. also i already know myself, and i would never be able to leave the house if i have a cat. i would feel really bad if i left it alone while i were to be gone for work or to hang out with my friends. also i would not have a social life at all. they were so cute though. apparently three of them are already bought but the fourth one is still up for sale and it makes me sad. makes me wonder why people don't want to buy him. is it because he's a black cat and people still have their dumb superstitions of black cats? or is it because he is "not as cute as his siblings"? if that the case, i would be so upset.

i'm not really looking forward to next week. i start work again and i'm really nervous about that. not just that, i think starting next week, we would officially start the new therapy treatment. i just hope that everything ends up going well. that reminds me, i need to search up if there are any florist courses. as more time goes by, the more i'm really considering working as a florist. i feel like that would be a nice job to have. always being surrounded by flowers and other plants. making bouquets to make people happy. for the most part at least. i do really enjoy the job i have now but i feel like it just gives me so much anxiety that i just keep getting sick because of it.

bye

*ೃ༄ blue ˚◞♡ ⃗

#august 2023

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theartsyrose · 2 years

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Know Your Value in Your Career

I learned over the course of my entire career since getting out of college in 2008 to this year 2022 and all the jobs I've had in my career that you need to evaluate your own worth. Over time you'll gain much experience in your career path and it makes you more valuable for the information and skills you obtain, so don't sell yourself short.

This is something they didn't teach me in college. This is something you need to learn for yourself. The only warning I ever received was that artists are underpaid and undervalued.

However, that being said we are in a new era and honestly that stigma of artists get 'underpaid and undervalued' isn't fair anymore and it isn't acceptable. It's why even the everyday jobs are having issues getting and keeping amazing employees.

When you work at a company for a long time and you have ambitions you have every right to want to not only be respected for your time, but paid adequately and given the opportunity to move up within the company. If you realize you are at a stalemate, your company isn't willing to give you more compensation and you know you are a valuable member of your team then you have leverage.

I'm not saying they will sway your way, but you can always see what else is out there. You may even get a raise and higher position elsewhere. Trust me, I'm living proof.

I'm tired of large companies dictating the lives of its employees. I had a salary job at a company for many years and was a valuable member of the team, although management didn't see how much I actually contributed until after I left. They replaced me with someone out of college, who was lacking in experience and knowledge.

I'm trying to give back to the artist community whether you're a graphic designer, sculptor, fine artist, dancer, etc. I'm hoping to inspire you to really understand that while you may be afraid to leave your company, maybe you're 'comfortable' and would miss your coworkers you will grow apart, and you will realize how much they really cared if they don't remain in touch after you leave.

Just know, you need to look out for you....not them. I am so much happier now and able to have the energy and focus not only on my career now, but in the personal projects I never had the energy or time to devote to. Now I'm loving art again and I really believe you should to.

#designerlife #creative #job advice

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aphrostarot · 3 years

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Life Advice Pick a Pile

What is some advice your guides have for different parts of your life?

Please remember that this is a general reading and some things may not apply to you. Don't force it to fit. I offer paid readings on my page if you would like a personal reading. Prices are listed there. Please message me if you are interested!

Pile One (Moss Agate Moon):

Advice for Family Life:

The Emperor:

It feels to me like you are not in control of your family life. You don't stand up for yourself and you let your family control your life. You are being told by your guides to embrace the Emperor's energy in your family life. Ultimately, you are in charge of your life and no one else is. Regain control of your life by refusing to let them dictate what happens to you.

Dragons:

You're reminded by this card that some of the people in your life are very toxic. In this case, it is your family that is toxic. Now is the time to take action, according to your guides. By having the Emperor come out alongside it, it indicates they want you to fight back and regain control over your life.

Advice for Friendships:

Page of Cups:

You’ve been at a standstill in your friendships currently. Nothing good is happening and nothing bad is happening either. It feels to me that you don’t really hang out with your friends much, you just keep in contact through texts and calls every now and then. Your guides are telling you that in the rest you have been taking from your friends you are giving yourself the chance to recharge your batteries and recuperate. They are telling you that soon you will be ready to get back out there and hang out with your friends more often. Be patient with yourself during this time.

Confidence:

It seems to me that you may be lacking confidence when it comes to your friends. Perhaps this is why you have taken a break from them. Finding your confidence is the key to getting back on track with your friends, according to your guides. Be patient with yourself, confidence comes with time, it is not an overnight thing.

Spaceship:

You have been led to believe that your voice - your unique perspective on life - is not worth listening to. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Your guides urge you with this card to not be afraid of being heard, especially when it comes to your friends. It is your uniqueness that makes you such an amazing person to be around. That is something you need to remember.

Advice for Personal Happiness:

Page of Wands:

This card tells me that currently, you are a Debbie Downer in your life and your guides are telling you that the way for you to become happier in your day-to-day life is by embracing your more playful side, becoming more fun-loving.

Eight of Cups:

This card represents shedding the old and moving on to the new. Your guides are telling you that it is time to let go of your negative mindset and embrace your more fun-loving, playful side. As a result, you will embrace more happiness in your life.

Lavender:

You have been distancing yourself from your found family and this card encourages you to make an effort to get back with them. Your personal happiness depends on surrounding yourself with people who make you feel like the best version of yourself, people you can trust with anything in the world. Now is the time to reconnect or make new connections your guides say.

Advice for Work and/or Education Life:

Ten of Wands:

In your work or education, you have been burdened a lot. There have been a number of bad things that have happened in either area of your life that set you back. You've been struggling tooth and nail to regain your footing, but you keep falling short here and there.

Knight of Swords:

These areas of your life require a greater level of aggression from you. Having more confidence is essential in this area. Until now, you seem to have let things come your way and knock you down without fighting back as much as you should have. Your guides want you to begin fighting back. You don't have to accept everything that comes your way.

Villain:

Sometimes the evil wins, and that's a hard truth to swallow. In your work/education life, that seems likely. You're being urged to reclaim control over your journey and rewrite your story. It is up to you to be who you want to be and to do what you want to do. To change your life from here on out, you must recognize that you are in charge and have the power to do so.

Advice for Romantic Relationships:

Three of Cups:

Throughout your romantic relationships, you have made a lot of good decisions that you haven't celebrated. For some, I feel that you have ended relationships that were not serving you in the past, which took a lot of strength and you haven't been able to celebrate. At this moment, your guides are telling you to celebrate everything you have done to get where you are now. Additionally, this card encourages you to not stress about your outcome.

Thorns:

Having this card come up here is yet another message from your guides to celebrate everything you have accomplished in your romantic life. Weave together the crown that you deserve.

Advice for Personal Growth:

Four of Cups:

It seems to me that you have been in a state of stalemate in almost all areas of your life and having this card come out in your personal growth signals to me that that is true for this area of your life too. Currently, you are feeling bored with your current situation and you are being guided to seek out activities that will give you a jumpstart in your personal growth.

Raindrops:

For most of your life, the people you let in have only hurt you. You have stopped trusting others because they have never done anything good for you. As a result, you have locked yourself out in the rain, but you fail to realize that you do not need to be stuck in the rain forever. There will be some people in your life that you can trust to get you through your darkness. Your guides are encouraging you to begin to trust others.

Pile Two (Goldstone Star):

Advice for Family Life:

The Emperor:

This pile feels very similar to pile one. It feels to me like you are not in control of yourself when it comes to your family life. You don't stand up for yourself and you let your family control your life. You are being told by your guides to embrace the Emperor's energy in your family life. Ultimately, you are in charge of your life and no one else is. Regain control of your life by refusing to let them dictate what happens to you.

Queen of Wands:

The Queen of Wands is very ambitious and a great leader. Their leadership is friendly and generous. When you start taking charge of your life again. Your guides want you to embrace this energy. Additionally, the Queen treats herself to luxurious items from time to time, so your guides are encouraging you to take care of yourself as well.

Bitch-Fire:

This card encourages you to stand up for yourself. In the past, your family has been pretty toxic, and you have allowed them to treat you badly because you are afraid of rocking the boat with them. It's not rocking the boat to stand up for yourself, it's keeping the boat stable. Now is the time for you to set boundaries with your family.

Advice for Friendships:

Two of Pentacles:

Balance is something that has been lacking in your friendships for some time now. It feels to me like the effort your relationships with your friends is not 50/50. You are either doing the most or your friends are and you aren't contributing as much.

Four of Wands:

As I said above balance has been lacking for some time now and this card only confirms that. You are being urged to regain stability in your friendships at this time.

Library:

There is someone in your life trying to control and manipulate you. This card coming up is your guides telling you that you need to regain control in your life. Don't let your friends dictate your narrative.

Advice for Personal Happiness:

Knight of Pentacles:

On this journey, patience is key. Being kind to yourself and being patient with yourself on this journey are important aspects of finding happiness. You will have bad days, but that does not mean you are not progressing. Happiness comes and goes, as it should. It is human nature to have a wide range of emotions not just a singular emotion.

Princess:

You can be your own knight in this card. You don't need someone to fix all your problems for you because you are capable of persevering on your own. Happiness can be found within yourself. You do not need others to provide it to you.

Advice for Work and/or Education Life:

Five of Cups:

You may have just lost your job or had to leave school and this has caused you a great deal of sadness. You're lost and don't know how to regain what you've lost. You are encouraged to learn from your mistakes here by your guides. What did you do wrong in the past that led you to where you are now? When you figure that out, you will be one step closer to fixing your situation.

Sun:

This card encourages you to paint the sun back into your sky. Find your happiness outside of work and school. It's not easy to let go of something, but in the end, it's up to you to decide whether you're happy. Find something within yourself that makes you happy.

Protest:

This message may only apply to some so, I am going to quote directly from this deck, “You’ve been looking around and noticing that the world is often unjust, but you’re not sure what to do about it. Like Katniss, you need to be the first spark of your own revolution. Educate yourself. Stand up for yourself. Don’t forget to stand up for others, whether or not you have shared experiences. If you can speak up and do so safely, then do it!”

Advice for Romantic Relationships:

The Sun:

It feels to me that you have been running from your love life for some time now. Feeling that you are better off alone. However, your guides say that this has been affecting your happiness. Now is the time to have fun and be happy, to allow yourself to feel things, to stop running from your emotions.

The Devil:

You may not allow yourself to be free and have fun because you feel that you need to keep up appearances and that means being mature and not having fun. That is not the right way to live. It is possible to be mature and have fun at the same time. You are encouraged to let loose and have fun, doing things you normally would not do.

Escapist:

You are encouraged to stop avoiding things in your life with this card. You will never be able to get rid of your problems if you avoid them or run from them. It is now time to confront your love problem head-on so that it can be resolved.

Advice for Personal Growth:

Four of Pentacles:

Your personal growth may have been affected by not putting yourself first in your life. In this card, your guides are telling you that now is the time to focus on yourself. You should be possessive of your time and energy. Don't just give it away for free. This is the time when you should concentrate on yourself, not anyone else.

Mirror:

Recently, you have been feeling pretty self-conscious about your body. It is time for you to learn to love your body as it is. Do not try to change it. According to your guides, hating your body and trying to change it is preventing you from progressing in your personal growth. You are beautiful the way you are, so don't try to change. Now is the time to realize that.

Pile Three (Green Aventurine Moon):

Advice for Family Life:

Four of Wands:

Your family life is lacking stability, and things aren't going very well for you. You're being urged by your guides to restore stability to your family life. You are being told to make your home as comfortable as possible if you lack comfort at home. They are telling you to do everything in your power to feel comfortable and at home within your family.

Raindrops:

Because you feel like you do not need your family, you don't value them much, not really giving them much time. Perhaps they wronged you in the past, and you have not forgiven them, so you distance yourself from them instead. With this card, your guides urge you to take a chance on your family. You will not be harmed as they have in the past.

Advice for Friendships:

Six of Wands:

When it comes to your friendships, you let your ego get in the way. When you are wrong, you refuse to admit it. You are allowing your pride to obstruct your happiness. Your guides advise you to be more willing to admit your failures. Stop blaming others for your mistakes; they are warning you that if you do not your ego could end up being your downfall.

Dragons:

Slaying your dragons is the theme of this card. It may be that the above-described person is a friend, and if this is the case, then this card encourages you to tell them how their treatment of you has made you feel. In contrast, if you are the person described above, this card is asking you to stop that behavior because it causes you more harm than good, and it also harms those around you.

Advice for Personal Happiness:

Three of Pentacles:

When it comes to your own personal journey, I think you are overconfident and believe you know everything about yourself. You believe that you have nothing more to learn about yourself and what makes you happy. Your guides are telling you that this is not the case. You are being urged to learn more about yourself, to try new things, and to look for new things that will make you happy.

Tree:

While you thought your whole life that you were an empath, now you think you aren't, and the people around you are just dumping all of their problems on you. If that is the case with you then your guides are advising you to let go of the people who are affecting your happiness. People in your life shouldn't dump all of their problems on you for their own sake. It's time to stand up to them and stop putting up with them.

Advice for Work and/or Education Life:

Six of Swords:

The feeling I am getting about this area of your life is very stagnant. It seems that you have not been moving forward in your work or education. You may no longer be passionate about your job or school, or you may not know what you want to do. Your guides are telling you that progress will be made in the future. With this card, your guides are telling you not to lose faith. Soon you will be making more progress toward your goals. Additionally, they are encouraging you to recognize how far you've come in this area of your life.

Expectations:

There's a possibility that you're feeling very stuck in your current situation because what you wanted to do goes against what society wants from you. You are encouraged not to seek approval from anyone else with this card. Those who are stuck in a mindset of restrictive societal norms will always have negative things to say. You are being told by your guides that you can be whoever you want to be. Nobody other than yourself should determine who you are.

Advice for Romantic Relationships:

King of Swords:

I feel that for some of you, you are or were in a relationship with a very controlling masculine force. You are constantly judged and criticized for everything you do or say. They are extremely manipulative and know how to get you to do and say whatever they want of you. Their goal is to dominate everything and everyone in their life. If you are currently in a relationship with this person you are being advised that this person is not good for you at all. If you are no longer in a relationship with this person your guides are confirming to you that this person was not good for you and will never be good for you.

Lighthouse:

For this message, I am going to quote directly what the Oracle deck says. “There will always be someone in your life who doubts the amazing things you’re capable of. It is then that you must decide to be your biggest champion. Believe wholeheartedly in your own worth, regardless of outside opinion. Feed yourself a steady diet that speaks to self-love, self-kindness, and self-confidence.”

Advice for Personal Growth:

The Emperor:

As a result of caring deeply about what others think of you, you have given up control over your own growth. You have given it to the people in your life and to society. Your constant fear of being perceived negatively is what prevents you from thriving. You are being told to regain control by your guides. You should not worry about what others think of you. The only opinion that matters is your own, and once you realize this, you will be on the right track.

Spaceship:

This card tells you not to be afraid to sing. Because you're afraid of what others will think of you, you haven't let your voice be heard for a very long time. Your guides tell you with this card that your opinions and beliefs matter, do not let fear hold you back. Let your voice be heard, even if you are the only one to hear it.

Pile Four (Tigers Eye Star):

Advice for Family Life:

Four of Cups:

Currently, you are unhappy with your family situation. My impression is that nothing has been happening in your family for quite some time. You want things done, but your family never listens. Also, I feel that some of you see how other people live their lives with their families on social media and compare that to your own. You feel like your family isn't good enough, and you want to change that, but don't know how.

Nine of Wands:

For some, recently your family has been arguing more than usual. You are in a lot of pain because of this. You hate to see people argue and when it happens in the place where you call home, it hurts. A number of people have also recently had a fallout with a member of their family that has been very painful.

Spaceship:

For some time now, you have not allowed your voice to be heard in your family. You fear rocking the boat so you keep your true opinions to yourself and say what your family wants to hear. You are being told by your guides that now is the time to let your voice be heard. Make sure you express your needs and desires to your family and don't forget to set boundaries.

Advice for Friendships:

The Fool:

For some, I feel that you have lost almost all of your friends throughout the years or that you really have trouble making new friends. You lack confidence because you are afraid that people will see the real you. It is time to start some new friendships, according to your guides. Embrace your true self and be enthusiastic when it comes to new beginnings.

Sun:

You feel very insecure when people mention their friends because you have struggled your entire life to maintain friendships. When it comes to friendship, you try to avoid it at all costs. As your guides tell you, you are more than capable of forming and maintaining friendships. People will make you happy, but first, you have to make yourself happy. Find out what makes you happy and you will be able to find friends who can make you happy because you will know what you need.

Gold:

Your past friendships consisted of people who tried to make you believe that you were broken and they were the only ones who could fix you. Because of this, they ended up controlling you and doing everything in their power to make you miserable. Your guides are telling you with this card that only you can fix yourself and that you should not trust those people. When you feel you are not broken, but someone is trying very hard to make you feel broken, that is not true friendship. You have to realize this in order for you to understand that you are not to blame for your past friendships failing.

Advice for Personal Happiness:

Four of Wands:

You have been lacking stability when it comes to your happiness because of your current life situation. You are being told to regain stability in your personal happiness by your guides. Discover new things that make you happy. Explore new passions, styles, food, etc.

Protest:

Stand up for yourself in the face of all the negativity around you. You can be happy again in your life by advocating for yourself and standing your ground. Set boundaries with people in your life who are detrimental to your happiness.

Advice for Work and/or Education Life:

Knight of Pentacles:

Your work and school life may not have been going well for some time now. There are so many dreams you have of being successful, and you feel like nothing is working out in your favor. At this moment, your guides are telling you to practice patience.

King of Pentacles:

Your guides are telling you with this card that success is on the way. Your hard work will soon pay off. It is just a matter of believing that it is coming and exhibiting patience.

Evil Queen:

Sugar is what you deserve, not salt. In almost all aspects of your life, you have been receiving blows after blows, and you have come to believe that this is what you deserve. As your guides are telling you, you do not deserve any of the negativity you have experienced, and you need to start believing that you deserve more so you can fight for it.

Advice for Romantic Relationships:

The Hierophant:

This is a great card for traditional relationships, ones that end in marriage. I think that you do not believe in marriage because you feel that they end in divorce, or they are just a negative omen. Your guides are telling you with this card that that is not always the case and you need to start believing in love.

Villain:

Everyone around you who has been married has divorced, and you feel as if this is your fate. Your guides are saying that this is absolutely not your destiny. You have the power to rewrite your own story and your story does not have to end in a divorce or a brutal ending in romance. Take power over your narrative and be who you want to be, love how you want to love. Make your dreams come true.

Advice for Personal Growth:

Ace of Wands:

You have been taught that you don't control your destiny for quite some time. Your guides are urging you to realize that this is not the case at all. You have free will and you can become whoever you want. Your dream life begins when you recognize that you can create it.

Feather:

Society and the people in your life have taught you that you are not in control of your fate, but that your guides/the universe are. This is not true. Your guides/the universe are there to help guide you in directions that will serve you best, but ultimately it is up to you which path you take. You can grow into your best self by realizing that you are in charge of your destiny.

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#pick a pile #pick a card #pick a crystal #tarot readings #oracle readings #spirituality #astrology #aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #leo #virgo #libra #scorpio #sagittarius #capricorn #aquarius #pisces

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gifted-burnout-archive · 4 years

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Jim’s Best Friend

Part Nine - Stamford Bound

Word Count: 2066

Author’s Note: I decided that Jim and Y/N need a tradition. So, have a nice little chapter with fabricated backstory!

WARNING: none.

April, 2006.

"Am I proud of myself?" Jim repeated the question, a smile erupting onto his face. "Honestly, kinda. Nice knowing I made Patrick and Y/N happen, and even though it's only been two months... I feel good about it." He looked to the producer.

"Oh... You meant about the whole Stamford thing..." Jim's face fell. "I, uh, yeah... It's a step up isn't it? Not like I have reason to stay here anyway."

—

Ever since January, Jim had been doing whatever he could to forget about his feelings for Pam: he booked a trip to Australia, he interviewed for the Stamford job, he had even gone out on a few double dates with you and Patrick. But, seeing both of his best friends so happy with their relationships and jobs, he couldn't help but feel left out of the loop. He had even complained to HR about Pam planning her wedding in the office, though the two patched things up quite quickly.

Both you and Pam had been in full blown wedding mode, and as her in-office bridesmaid, she asked at the end of February, you were helping with Save the Dates, dress colours, flower arrangements, everything. And you enjoyed it, being swept up in the whirlwind of love that filled the air.

You and Patrick had been dating as official boyfriend and girlfriend for about a month and a half, and you couldn't remember a relationship that made you happier. You even moved The Notebook from your handbag into a drawer in your apartment, since you were fully commited to an exclusive relationship now. Poker at Jim's was the best thing that had happened to you in a while, and the whole office knew it.

You were even more bubbly than the bride-to-be, managing to keep a smile on your face through all of Dwight's bullshit, and you were making more sales than ever before. And despite you and Patrick deciding to take things slow, more for your sake than anything, the bi-weekly date nights had added colour and purpose into life again. You hadn't felt so good in a relationship, and in general, for years.

As you finished up on another big sale, an email pinged up on your screen from Jim. You glanced over, but he was pretending to be busy so that Dwight wouldn't bother him, and you instead focused on the email.

Do you think I could talk to you before the casino tomorrow? In private? Need your advice on something. - J xx

You pulled out your keyboard and quickly began typing back, sending the message over quickly before your phone rang again. Jim opened the reply email as soon as he received it, scanning over the computer screen.

Of course, why don't we go to the park after work? Just us two. Get hot dogs for dinner, my treat? - Y/N/N xx

Jim smiled at the message, trying to remember the last time you had both gone for a Hot Dog Date, or HDD. It would have had to be before you went to Spain the year before. It first occurred the year Jim arrived at the office, you had only been in sales for a few months yourself, promoted from the warehouse. It was a Friday, and you were complaining about having to go shopping straight after work. Pam was taking a sick day, and Jim offered to buy you dinner. It wasn't a date or anything, and when you both decided that hot dogs couldn't be topped, a tradition begun.

Anytime either of you were too stressed or tired or simply needing a chat, a HDD took place. A walk in the nearby park, followed by Hank's Hotdogs on your favourite park bench overlooking the pond, and then the pair of you just talked. For hours. The only way you left that bench was when the rain came down too hard for your umbrella to bear, or the night enveloped you in a cold that threatened catching the flu. That first time, Jim told you about college, about feeling stuck at Dunder Mifflin, about not knowing what to do with his life, and you shared the real reasons you never ended up in college: how you started working full time in the warehouse when your mom got sick, how Michael took you under his wing and got you into the sales position.

A thousand times yes.

He responded, and the pair of you got back to work, only stopping for coffee breaks with Pam and another one of Michael's meetings.

—

"So..." Jim started as you sat down beside him on your bench, handing him a hot dog and setting down two cans of soda on the bench between you. "How's Patrick?" He asked, and you sat back.

"Not a chance, Halpert. You called for the HDD, you share first. Them's the rules." You said, biting into your hotdog with enthusiasm. You had been eating healthy with Patrick, and as much as you loved the whole 'eat good, feel good' thing, you missed junk food. He sighed, and looked out at the pond, his eyes following the ducks that swam around for a few minutes, chewing on his hot dog as he thought. You stayed quiet, letting him think through it all, he usually did this. Sometimes, it would be twenty minutes before either of you spoke, but the silence was warm and relaxed. There was no expectation.

"I think I'm going to transfer to the Stamford branch." Jim said finally, and you looked over at him. Before you could ask, he continued. "There's an opening for Assistant Regional Manager, the money's better... It's only a few hours drive away. And I already interviewed..."

"So the other day, when you were at a doctor's appointment..." You trailed off, and Jim nodded.

"Dwight gave me the idea, if you could believe it... And I need to go somewhere new Y/N. It's not like I'll move up in Scranton... Not like I'll move on." He sighed out, and took the last bite of his hot dog, washing it down with some grape soda.

"I..." You stopped, taking a sip of your own beverage. "I get it. And while Michael's speech on the boat was motivational, it wasn't exactly realistic." You shrugged, leaning forward on your knees. "Pam loves you, but Roy is her fiancé. She loves him more."

"You... You heard what Michael said?" Jim asked, and you looked over with a smile.

"Yeah... Came looking for him, found you both deep in the throws of success speeches." You giggled, and Jim smiled back a little. "Can't believe he thought we would get together." You added, and Jim nodded.

"Could you imagine? The anarchy would be neverending." He chuckled, and you were glad you could cheer him up a little. It was shit, being in a situation where no-one was wrong. Roy was good to Pam, Pam was a wonderful woman, and Jim couldn't help being in love with her. He sat up straight, and stood up, offering you a hand to get up. You took it, rising to your feet and looking up at him with a raised eyebrow. "So, what about you?" Jim asked, the pair of you beginning a stroll around the pond, the lamps overhead slowly turning on as the sun set, painting the rolling clouds in colour.

"I think I'm in love." You said decidedly, and Jim stopped in place.

"Really?" He asked, his eyes lighting up with joy, and you let out a soft laugh.

"Oh, it's too early to say anything but... I don't know, Patrick has agreed to take things slower than he's used to, and he just... He makes me happy?" You went pink. To think that only months ago, you were still with Brian. Jim pulled you into a hug, picking you up and spinning you round. You squeaked in response, the pair of you sharing a laugh as he put you down.

"You deserve it, Y/N. I expect to be you maid of honour." He teased you a litte, and you elbowed his side playfully.

"Don't get too ahead of yourself. I just, I'd like it to last." you shrugged, continuing to walk.

"I'm glad he's over Jennifer." Jim made the offhand comment after a few minutes of strolling, and you glanced over.

"Jennifer as in Jennifer Young?" You asked, and Jim nodded, frowning when you did.

"What's up?"

"He's out with her tonight... Some other friends from work too, of course. I just didn't realise she was the ex girlfriend." You said slowly. Patrick had talked about her an awful lot during the last two months, but you just thought she was a friend to him like Jim was to you.

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about it Y/N. They ended in January, amicably. Maybe they just lost the romantic spark, cut it off?" Jim suggested, and you nodded in agreement. There was never any point in overthinking friendships, it would only make you feel worse.

"You're right... Oh! I'm bringing him along to the casino night tomorrow, he can finally meet the office. Meet Pam!" You said with a smile, slowing down as you spotted an ice cream shop across the street. "Do you want ice cream?" You asked suddenly, and Jim grinned, throwing an arm over your shoulder.

"You are adorable." Jim said, and you looked up at him, still waiting for an answer. "Yes, of course I want ice cream." He rolled his eyes, and you exited the park together, crossing the street and walking up to the store counter.

"You know, there's rumours going around about Dunder Mifflin going international..." You said after ordering a strawberry ice cream and sprinkle cone. "Overheard Jan talking about it on the phone at the Women in the Workplace meeting."

"Where would the office be based?" Jim asked, getting two scoops of cookie dough flavour in a cup. You paid and walked back towards the park, Jim digging into his dessert by your side.

"Either Madrid or Vienna... I thought I would talk to her next time I see her, see if it's still happening. I don't know now though, since Rick and I..." You said, licking the ice cream slowly. The idea of Jim leaving suggested that maybe you should try something new too. You had been at the Scranton branch three years more than he had.

"They could use you! Your Spanish is... Well, I don't know Spanish, so I can't be sure, but I bet your Spanish is great." Jim encouraged it, and you smiled, letting out a breath. The pair of you slowed down, walking along the rickety wooden dock and taking a seat at the end, the half moon shining down onto the midnight blue water.

"Is this it then?" You asked, looking up, taking another lick of your ice cream, catching a drip before it hit your hand. "The end of an era? The three musketeers, no more." You said, and Jim shook his head.

"Not a chance... But, maybe... Maybe it's the mid season break? A chance for all of us to take a breather, reunite for the thrilling finale, end with a bang." He said with a grin.

"There's nothing thrilling about office work, Halpert." You reminded him with a giggle.

"On the contrary, Y/L/N. Because, while my time left at Scranton may be short, I can say with complete honesty." He stopped, taking your free hand in a gesture of faux affection. "For a day to be thrilling at the office, there simply has to be you and I... And Dwight so we can slowly torture him to insanity." He smirked, and you burst into laughter. Once it died down, you and Jim fell into that comfortable silence once more, finishing your ice creams.

The walk to his car was short, the car ride home quick, and you gave his hand a squeeze as you got out in front of your apartment.

"I do not know what in the world I would do without you, Jim." You said honestly, a smile on your face. "So if you leave, I have to get at least one email a day."

"No matter how many times you make me watch it, Y/N, I will never, ever be Ryan Gosling." Jim pouted, and you rolled your eyes.

"Night, Jim."

"Night, Y/N."

Tags: @imsuperawkward

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mental-health-advice · 3 years

Note

trigger warning for not wanting to live, trans struggles, self hatred

sorry that this is super long and whiny, no pressure to respond but thank you a lot if you do!

hello there! I'm currently unable to access therapy so I can't get diagnosed. I was already diagnosed with a sensory disorder as a child and general anxiety. I know I can't self diagnose but I want to better understand what's going on with myself and at least have an idea. Throughout my life I've felt really badly depressed. I can't remember the last time I wasn't depressed, it must have been when I was really young. The depression never goes away. It is occasionally less severe but only when I'm escaping reality. I'm transgender and I am not out to most people. I can't stop thinking obsessively about getting surgery. I fear deeply that I've been influenced somehow to feel transgender, because I don't usually feel a want with such conviction. I am never decisive, I always doubt myself, but I am so sure about how badly I need surgery that it scares me. The fact that I physically cannot stop myself from thinking about it is really concerning. My life is falling apart around me, I'm constantly failing and losing everything, and all I can think about is this daydream of getting surgery instead of fixing my life. I'm scared that I don't really want surgery and that I'm actually just telling myself that when I get surgery I will be able to fight my depression. I fear that I'm lying to myself about needing something to make it better when nothing can really heal me from depression. I understand that it won't just go away, but I want surgery so badly that I feel like it is the end goal so I can start living. It is the only thing that keeps me alive sometimes is the idea that I can do it one day and live my life and cope with depression. Sometimes I feel happiness for a second and it makes me so uncomfortable and scared because it's so foreign to me. I feel so alone. I have always felt so awful and sick about myself in every way. I don't even understand fully why I feel like I'm transgender. I know I've always hated my body and wanted to be a different gender, but I wonder if I am not trans and I actually just have self hatred problems. Inside I really do want someone to tell me, yes it's okay to be transgender and you're not wrong, go get surgery and then you'll be able to live your life. But not only is that confirmation bias ridden, wanting to hear validation so I run away from any transphobia, but. I also worry deeply that I will get surgery and then remain just as depressed because I am the problem. I feel like I am the reason my life falls apart. I dropped out of college 2 years ago and left my job and i tried going back to school but i failed my classes. I am living with my family again and I work for them but I don't really get paid enough to save anything. I'm too depressed to think of what i want to do in the future even though they ask me all the time what my plan is now that i failed again. I cant talk honestly to them about any of this. Im so scared of it i have constant nightmares about them knowing anything about me. I try to stay positive but i feel broken and useless. i am failing in every way. i dont know what to do im really desperate. Thank you a lot for being here for people.

Hey lovely,

I’m sorry to hear that you can’t access therapy. I do hope this will become a possibility in the future, so that you can get properly diagnosed, but most of all, so that you can get the treatment you need and deserve. Like you might know, we don’t promote self-diagnosis for the reasons listed here. However, we do think it’s good to be aware of your own symptoms and try to understand them better.

I’ve personally been diagnosed with Persistent Depressive Disorder (Dysthymia). This is when your depression lasts longer than two years. Throughout dealing with PDD, there can be major depressive episodes, since the depression with PDD tends to be slightly lighter / not as heavy. A different term for PDD is chronic depression, which I personally found really scary because I felt like it’d mean it’d never stop. The term chronic here is meant more as in ‘long term’, rather than ‘forever’.

It sounds like you see surgery as a chance for your depression to fall away. While I do think that you can feel better after surgery, feel more like yourself, I doubt that not having had surgery yet is the sole cause of your depression. It’s usually more complicated than that. So it can be tricky to expect so much of it, because then you can only be disappointed and I wouldn’t want you to have to go through that.

It also sounds like daydreaming about your surgery, is something that holds you up. It helps you manage your current mental state. And I’d say that’s okay! We all need something to keep us up, to escape the reality of mental health struggles. Of course you do need to face it from time to time, but you can’t do that all the time. You need an escape sometimes. So if that escape is daydreaming about surgery, I don’t want to take that away from you! I have my escape too, I read a lot of books where I can escape into different worlds.

Feeling depressed can become a security blanket too. It’s a familiar feeling. You know what it’s like. So then when you feel happiness, or at least a bit happier than usually, it’s scary. You don’t recognise that feeling. It’s completely new to you. So it feels uncomfortable and you try to get back to feeling depressed, because at least you know that feeling.

I can’t look inside your head, so I can’t tell you whether you’re transgender or not. But I can tell you that it’s completely okay to be transgender! You mention that you’ve always wanted to be a different gender, which sounds completely valid to me! Even if you hadn’t felt that way always, you could still be transgender. It’s okay to be transgender, it’s okay to want surgery. But I don’t know if it’s fair to expect to be able to live your life without depression afterwards.

Sometimes, thinking about the future can be too overwhelming. That’s what I find at least! I dropped out of uni and have been working ever since, but if I think about the future and going back to uni, I get overwhelmed. So I try to focus on the present. I’m working now and that’s okay. It’s okay for where I’m at right now. If I manage to feel better mental health wise, then maybe I can think about going to uni again. But right now that isn’t doable, so I don’t consider it. Do you think this approach might be helpful for you too?

I hope this helped at least a little bit! If there’s anything else we can do to help, please let us know.

Sometimes what seems impossible, is just hard. Love Pauline

#mental health #advice #advice blog #transgender #gender #LGBTQIA+#LGBTQ+#LGBT #depression #persistent depressive disorder #PDD #dysthymia #chronic depression #surgery #mhapauline

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ma-gic-gay · 3 years

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Finally, the legal proceedings begin again, with testimony from rather dull people, if he's being honest. The jury, it's clear to him at least, is fairly calm at the moment, but there's not a chance in hell that Cyrus is getting off. Not this time. And that terrifies him.

A man with nothing to lose is a very dangerous man. A mobster with nothing to lose? Absolutely fucking terrifying.

A few hours and legal spats between Diane and Helstrom later, court is adjourned until tomorrow, at 8 am. Which, he calculates, leaves Cyrus with a fifteen hour period to cause havoc before the next day.

He sighs, "C'mon, let's get you home," to an unresponsive Carly. "Carly?"

"What?" She asks, snapping back into reality.

"What are you thinking about?" Jason asks, mind running with concern. After all, normally when she's zoning out while thinking, she's making a plan.

And the last plan she made landed them in this courtroom.

"The testimony. I mean, they're genuinely trying to make it seem like you or I would concoct some plan and lure Cyrus into raping and kidnapping me. What the hell do they think of us?" Carly asks, a single tear dripping down her face. "I mean, neither of us are perfect, I know, but to think that I'd do that- that you would do that, it's insulting!"

"They're trying to get under our skin, okay? There's proof they're lying through their teeth right now, Carly. Cyrus is a sick bastard and he's going to jail for the rest of his miserable life. You and I get to walk free while he rots. We will win this." He says, sitting back down in his chair to hug her.

Carly lets out a sad laugh, "God, I hate this."

"I do too."

"I need to get out of here," she sighs, standing up. "You coming?"

"I'm the one who's driving, of course I'm coming," he smiles, holding up the keys just above where she can reach. "Ha, very funny. You're in no shape to drive. Let's go."

"You know, if you would just let me drive, I would be a lot happier right now because I'd have something much better to do than-" Carly starts, stopping her statement suddenly as they leave the courthouse.

He surveys the area immediately, seeing not one, not two, but three armed guys who don't exactly look like cops aiming right at the pair. Fuck. His fingers play at his belt loops, but he doesn't have a gun on him today; it's a court day, why the hell would he bring a gun to a courtroom? That's just plain stupid and it's practically asking to be arrested.

His instincts kick in and he realizes they're gonna make the shot. Unlike the other (relatively shitty) gunmen, assassin's, whatever Cyrus calls them that he's sent after Jason, these ones actually look like they're capable of firing a gun correctly. And they're getting paid hinges on whether or not they hit Carly and him.

Bullets fly out of all three guns at the same time and he shoves Carly out of the way, yelling, "Run!" and ducking down himself but it's too late.

He's been shot, he can feel it as he stumbles onto the ground. His head pounds in his skull and he swears for a minute he can feel his brain. Ow. "Jason!" Carly screams and he can hear her footsteps as he tries to figure out where he's bleeding. "Get back here you sick fucks!" She screams even louder at the gunmen, which probably means they're gone. "I'm going to shoot you myself the second I lay eyes on any of you I swear to god."

Turns out they were just getting paid to shoot him. Carly was just the way they'd manage it.

That knowledge is somewhat comforting as the pain of the bullet continues to hit him in waves, coupled with that of banging his head on the ground when he fell from it. It's a very painful situation for the assassin, who can hear himself moaning in pain.

He's enveloped by a haze of blonde as she cries, pulling out her phone. "I need an ambulance immediately at the courthouse. My best friend was shot in the chest and he's got a head wound." That explains the pain; a chest bullet hurts pretty damn bad. It's not a fun thing. Hence why he doesn't normally shoot in the chest, but rather either a non lethal area or something like the head or the heart. The head wound, though, that doesn't make sense. If he's got a head wound, shouldn't he be unconscious by now? "Well I'm not exactly sure why he got shot, lady, but you better get an ambulance here before I sue this goddamn town for negligence of a shot person!"

A chuckle leaves his throat through the pain as the world starts to get fuzzy around the edges, despite his best efforts to have it not happen like that. "Jason, no, keep your eyes open! Look at me!" A frantic Carly screams, pulling what looks like a really ugly scarf out of her bag and putting it over where he assumes the bullet is. "Just keep your eyes open. Focus on me."

In the distance, he can hear an ambulance's siren. "Of course I'm doing everything I can to keep him conscious, what the hell do you take me for?" She snaps at the lady on the phone through tears. Even when she's witnessing him get shot (and possibly dying, though this isn't exactly the way he planned on dying), of course she's still fighting random people.

"Carly, stop harassing the operator," he says, though he can feel it use quite a bit of his strength as the fuzziness intensifies.

"You do not die on me, Jason Morgan, do you hear me? I am not letting you die because of me, I will not be able to live with myself if you die like this and I have to witness it. Keep your eyes open and just focus on me," Carly practically begs as the sound of the sirens intensifies. They're probably getting closer to being here, maybe even pulled into the parking lot. He can't tell.

As Carly's rambling about something, he can't hear her very coherently anymore, the world turns black around him. Vaguely, he can distinguish the sound of her sobs and the pressure of the scarf around his chest.

"Jason, please, please, please, open your eyes," Carly begs, sobs overtaking her pleas as the ambulance approaches. This isn't happening, this is a nightmare, he's not actually shot and possibly dying. Right? He's fine, right?

"Ma'am, we're going to need you to step away from him so we can do our jobs and help him live," a random paramedic instructs her, earning a scoff as she backs away a few feet.

Who the hell does he think he is, ordering her around like that? Acting like he knows a damn thing about either of them, or like he's got any authority. He could be dying right now for all she knows! "I'm riding with you in the ambulance," she declares. "And you won't be able to keep me out so don't even try to."

"You'll just be taking up space-"

"I've been in these plenty of times before. There's more than enough space and," her voice breaks, a quiet sob leaving her lips before she continues, "he has the keys."

Shaking his head at her, the paramedic signals her to get in and she does just that as Jason's loaded into the ambulance her. "Don't die," she begs quietly to the unconscious man. "Please, god, don't die. This can't be the bullet that kills you."

"Say a prayer in your head," the paramedic says to her and she snaps.

"Stop acting like you know what I'm going through. I don't care if you don't understand what's going on here but let me explain it to you: your job is to make sure my friend here doesn't die. Got it? You can give up on ordering me around any minute now because I'm not in the goddamn mood to listen to it." Carly snaps, tears of rage streaming down her face.

The rest of the ride is mainly silent, save for a few sniffles and sobs from the blonde. With her luck, someone will be at the hospital and this'll be front page news tomorrow.

When they arrive at the hospital, Portia immediately takes Jason's gurney and brings it to a trauma room with a slew of nurses behind her. At least he's getting five star treatment, she thinks, sitting down slowly in a chair.

He got shot protecting her. And now he could die because of it.

"Carly, what's going on here?" Sam asks, storming over.

"Jason," she starts, voice breaking and unsteady as she continues, "got shot outside the courthouse. They're, uh, taking a look at him right now."

"What?" Sam asks, disbelief evident in her tone. "How did he get shot?"

"We were leaving the courthouse and I was fighting with him over driving home and I noticed these three guys, they had guns aimed at us. He noticed and I was stuck there, wondering what the hell they were doing outside of the courthouse and he shoved me out of the way. But," she continues, feeling shame and dread crawl into her veins as she watches it unfold again mentally, "he was too late in saving himself. He got shot in the chest and he fell to the ground. I kept thinking to myself, I've got to save him, I've got to save him for one of the million times he's saved me, so I call an ambulance and wrap his chest in a scarf. And I was begging him to live and bickering with the operator when, suddenly, he stopped showing any response. I don't know if he's dead or alive."

Near silent sobs are all that's heard for a few minutes by either of them, both trying their best not to scream. "He could die," Sam notes, "because of you. Because he has this need to protect you, Jason could die."

"What?" Michael asks, heartbreak evident on his face and killing Carly's heart even more. "What happened to Jason?" When he's met with silence, he asks his question again, "what happened to Jason, Mom, that Sam's blaming on you?" She meets his eyes and sees that he's begging for the truth.

"He got shot." The words seem to echo more than she expects, the full weight of them only now hitting her as she sobs loudly in the middle of the hospital, not caring who hears.

To be continued later in this life.

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bohemianbug · 4 years

Text

#PokemonGo FINALLY GOT THIS THING UP N RUNNING! I PICKED MY BRAINS 🧠 for weeks n weeks trying to figure this out! It wouldn't work on iPhone, n I'd lost the original link. So, on my own I couldn't get it right!

I got a new Samsung Galaxy S10e a few months ago, AND IT'S AWESOME! But, I was having trouble with IITC MOBILE... it was as if the app I downloaded was completely different...... that's because there's 2 of them!

I finally got the original link, n that's a totally different IITC MOBILE app.

I was up long nights, hunkering down, picking my brains 🧠 trying to figure out what I was doing wrong. I found different stuff on the net on my own, but it wasn't working... then , I got the right link this morning!

Before the Pandemic Lockdown there were no PokeStops or PokéGyms in the area where my chiropractor was located. I couldn't go there. But now, its full of stuff! Excellent job!

Weymouth's Community is really great! I'm so glad I never gave up, despite the haters n saboteurs! Now that I can get the pluggins to work now, I can actually see the cells!

I'm still relearning the newer Galaxy Android platforms which are different from the old one, and also different from iPhone.

I am SO GLAD I switched off of iPhone (which I still have) because it works nothing like I did when I first got my iPhone n gets worse n worse after each update. My Galaxy smartphone is just way better for everything! AR game play is just so much better!

If u play AR n especially Pokémon Go, ur next phone needs to be the Samsung Galaxy. I have an S10e which let's me use a removable SD card! As a photographer, videographer, art, filmmaker, the Galaxy smartphones r just better! They also have better lighting exposure to the cameras like camcorders do. Yes it often still looks n feels like a camcorder, n iPhone does make human faces look prettier, i just don't care! I liked the photos on my iPhone camera, but the updates nerf the quality now. Another thing I'm very impressed with the Galaxy smartphone cameras is that it uses an HDR algorithm that i don't hate.

HDR is very tricky n always looks better when u make ur own HDR brackets manually. I prefer at least 5, not the usual 3 like most DSLR cameras have. I also like to shoot my own extra exposures on manual mode. I frickin hated the HDR on iPhone n refused to ever use it because it Made no sense at all. But, the camera on my Galaxy S10e automatically has its own HDR algorithm built in. It takes photos under lighting conditions that are generally poor n appears to even tone map them!

The wide angle and macro photography it does for a digital camcorder style smartphone is just so much better than my iPhone. It just doesn't really flatter the human face like an iPhone does. I wish I could've gotten the S20 Galaxy, but it a very expensive smartphone. In the entire store, it was considered the top of the line smartphone.

I am SO GLAD I'm a free spirited free thinker because I was actually pretty nervous about jumping ship from iPhone. I do like my iPhone, but it just isn't what it used to be, n I've had 2 of them. I'm pretty irked n bothered by Apple lately. For what I paid for for my Galaxy S10e I just feel so much happier! It does everything I want it to pretty much. I also still have my iPhone which isn't even old, but its so problematic. I got it at the end of 2018.

I have zero regrets about my new Galaxy smartphone! Its just better n faster at loading the apps like Pokémon Go. I don't see myself going back to iPhone either for a long time. I was just so very unimpressed w the new iPhones, and for the price, I didn't like anything.

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jisunwithtaeandkookie · 5 years

Text

“I wanted to tell you Jimin. I wanted to tell you so badly.”

Jimin looked at my face with a serious expression, giving me the cue to go on.

“That day when you asked me if I had found my soulmate, I wanted to tell you that yes, I had found my soulmate. And that it was you….but I didn't….I couldn't say it.”

“Do you….wish you did say it? That day?”

I nodded slowly, and Jimin looked sideways, avoiding my gaze. “Wow..Y/N….I don’t know what to say….I…”

“Nothing. You don't need to say anything at all.” I took his hand in mine, not wanting to let go. “Now that I look back, I just wish I had. I would have avoided all the disputes, all the disagreements that I caused.”

Jimin put his other hand on our intertwined hands. Smiling softly, he looked in my eyes. “I don't think that would have been the best idea. You did need time to figure it out more clearly, Y/N. I think it was best that you kept quiet that time. Because see, where you are right now, is a clearer place. You came to know your feelings more clearly now, and you were willing to fight for it. I don’t see anything wrong with that.”

This was all too much for me. I let go, falling in his arms helplessly, and he hugged me back, patting my back lightly and smiling to himself. The moment always seemed to stop when I was with him; this time, it was no different. I closed my eyes, feeling his aroma surrounding me from all sides. “Jimin…” I whispered. “Shh…its okay. I know.” He silenced me with his soft voice, and there was nothing left for me to do except stand still and feel the seconds tick by ever so slowly.

After some time, I stepped back from the hug and stood in front of him, looking down. “I…have to talk to Tae too.” I said, fiddling with my t-shirt. Jimin opened his mouth to say something, but he was interrupted by a voice which I honestly wasn’t expecting here.

“No need.”

We both turned around at the sound, our breaths stopping short. We silently looked at Tae, then turned to look at each other before looking at Tae again.

“Did you…?” I trailed off as he nodded grimly. “Yes. I heard.”

I gulped, stepping towards him. “Tae…I didn’t want you to find out this way.”

He looked down. “It's okay.” He said. “I don’t mind the way I found it out as long as I know what it is.”

“Still…..I'm sorry.” I said, biting my lip. I couldn’t find anything on his face that would tell me what he was feeling, and as I tried to look closer, I found he had the same blank expression on his face. I looked back at Jimin to find that he was just as clueless as I was, and when he found me looking at him, he shrugged lightly, shaking his head.

“I gotta go now.” Tae said suddenly, and I looked back at him. “Tae, I-"

He looked coolly at me, stopping me from saying anything else by just his gaze. I waited with bated breath, for him to say something.

“Y/N…I’m going to say this once, and you just have to listen and ask no questions, okay?”

“Okay…?” I looked again at Jimin, and he nodded slightly, reassuring me. I turned back to Tae, more certain this time. “Okay.”

“I am over you.”

“What?” Jimin was the one to ask this question, because I stood rooted on the spot, not believing my ears. Was this why he had become normal around me?

Tae kept looking at me with the coldest look one could possibly have. “Y/N, look….I did use to have feelings for you, but not anymore. I am just saying those 8 months changed me a lot, and I have realised that I can live without you.”

I couldn’t say anything. I stood at my place, looking at his face, trying to find anything on his face that would tell me he was lying. He again had the blank expression on his face….why the heck was I even bothering to find something anyway?

“I will talk later.” He said, and shot out of my house like he was running late to catch a train. “Tae-” Jimin started but he had already left. I looked dumbfounded at the door, not understanding what to make of this. A few seconds passed by in silence, or, in confusion.

“What the heck.” Jimin whispered softly, then he looked at me. I was still looking at the door.

“Are you okay?” He said, stepping towards me. Putting a hand on my shoulder, he turned me around to face him. I frowned. “Yeah, I’m good. I just don't understand what….exactly happened here.”

“Me neither.” Jimin said, looking back at the door through which Tae had just left.

“If he is really over me….then it's good, I guess.” I said slowly. “I don’t need to talk to him then.”

“Yeah….” I looked up at Jimin at the uncertainty in his voice, and found him frowning, deep in thought. “What happened?” I asked.

He looked back at me, and sighed. “Y/N…I don't think he’s okay. But you don’t need to worry. I think I need to have a chat with him.”

I kept looking at him with a confused expression for a few moments before speaking. “So…what are you saying?”

“Lay low for a while. That’s all.”

He left, and I wondered. Was what Tae said true? If so, that’s why he was behaving all normal with me. That could be possible. But Jimin knew Tae better, and him saying that Tae might not be okay was worrying me. I couldn’t point a finger as to what exactly was wrong between them, but something was going on…something that was hidden in plain sight.

I sighed in defeat. I knew I should’ve told Tae first…to avoid all the drama. Tae was an impatient person, and I had thought I should tell Jimin first because he would be happier to know my decision and he could have told me how exactly to talk to Tae about all this. From last night's events, all that I could gather was that Tae, or the whole group in general, was normal after all these months but was still sensitive to the topic of the incident that happened between us.

Eh. Why was I even thinking of all this? I couldn’t do anything right now anyway. Since I hadn’t exactly talked to Tae…..I couldn’t exactly talk to anyone else before that. And anyway, Jimin had told me to lay low…which meant keeping this info under thin wraps. I could tell someone I wanted to, but what was that going to do here anyway? Ugh…..this boy was driving me crazy….him and his blank expressions were the death of me.

Oh, how badly I wanted to talk to Kookie.

Sighing louder than the last time, I went to close the door to forget the incident for now and get going with my daily routine, but I couldn’t see what was written on the other side of the door.

**********************************************

“Your order is coming right up, sir. Please just wait a few more minutes.” I said to the boy standing in front of me who was tapping his foot impatiently, looking at his phone. He looked up from his phone at my voice, taking his sunglasses off as he did so. “Wow….you are really pretty.” I smiled besides my extreme frustration. “Thanks.” I said. That was no compliment, it was something else. Something which I had gone through like a gazillion times today already.

"You're the girl, right?" He smiled widely, with bright eyes. "I know you are. I can't tell you how much it means to me that I met you."

I looked at him with narrowed eyes, trying to find anything that suggested that he was lying. Of course he was, apparently everyone knew that I worked here anyway...so it was not a chance meeting, was it?

"Hmm." I smiled slightly and nodded, having failed to find anything on his face that suggested anything at all. I remembered doing this to Tae two days ago...maybe it wasn't his blank expression's fault...maybe I was lousy in figuring people out. Great for a girl in my situation, I thought with a sigh.

The guy kept looking at me, making me feel uneasy. Get the heck outta here, I wanted to yell at him, but I couldn't. I wasn't in the right position to do that; I had a job to keep.

"Can I take a selfie with you?" The guy said.

"Here....is your order, sir." I said, relieved at my luck working at least once in my life. "That would be $7.99."

The guy paid quietly and left, looking at me sceptically. I just knew he would be coming back again.

I sighed, punching the counter a little harder than intended. No one noticed.

This was the thousandth time someone had asked for a selfie. What were they going to do with it anyway? Post it on social media with the caption - "Here is the bitch you need to destroy, ARMY"?

This was my first day at work after that ridiculous rumor had started three days ago. And things were already pretty much chaotic over here. I won't say that I hated my job, but considering everything that was going on here, I wasn't actually in the state to say that I liked the job either. The manager was pleased with me, but his reason for doing that was the exact reason why I was hating this experience. In fact, to say that he was pleased with me would be an understatement.

"Customers have doubled since that rumor. Everyone wants to see you, Y/N-ie." He had said, smiling almost too excitedly for an old man who had no particular interests in life except his shop and his golf set. "You are our good luck charm, and I want to reward you for doing a bang up job by giving you a raise. You're just priceless for us."

You want to express that I'm priceless, by putting a higher price tag on me...? Well...go ahead and just stab me in the heart, why don't you?

This statement somehow reminded me of Tae, and I sighed softly to myself. I hadn't contacted him since he had left my house two days ago...and frankly, I didn't want to until Jimin said something. But as two days had passed and there was no news from Jimin, I was getting more and more anxious...was everything okay? Did Jimin forget to call me, or was he waiting for me to call? I didn't know, and the limitless possibilities of incidents happening was what was worrying me the most. What was with Tae's reaction anyway? Was he really okay? Or was he angry again? Had something happened again with the group? Another fight? More drama?

Ugh...how I had wanted to avoid it this time around, and how it had hit me right back in my face like a boomerang. Yep, my efforts were like a boomerang. Great.

I hadn't even talked to Jungkook. Nor had he tried to contact me. I didn't even know what it was like on the internet now, I hadn't even dared to open the social media. I was scared to see something I just couldn't digest...but at the same time, I was also scared that if it was something even more ridiculous, it could make Jungkook angrier than he already was. I really wanted to talk to him...but I had to trust Jimin and lay low.

"Excuse me. Hello?" My thoughts were interrupted by a girl who had been waving at me for God knew how long. "Yes, ma'am. What would you like to order?" I said with the most professional smile on my face, slightly regretting the fact that my daydreaming abilities were on point today.

"Actually, I just wanted to get a picture with you." She smiled widely.

I narrowed my eyes for a slight moment, gulping down the anger, and the urge to murder someone. After a moment, I looked up at her, giving her a smile.

"Do you have anything you would like to order again, ma'am?"

Getting out of the shop had never been this relieving before, I thought as I stepped into the cold night. It had snowed earlier that day, but not too heavily. I used to love the job, until...whatever had happened. I was so tired that I didn't even want to try to recall the events that had led to this moment. I didn't know what I was going to do now. I had no friends here..my family didn't live here. I had absolutely zero experience in dodging this kind of situation, and with no support, I was really scared. I was friends with Jeon Jungkook...the golden maknae of BTS, I knew that...but we had been friends from the start, since before he was famous. Getting to be friends with BTS was not something I had chosen for myself, it was something that just happened. Granted that they were globally recognised artists now, but what had I got to do with it? Did I do something wrong by being their friends since before they were famous? What had I done wrong? Why couldn't people get that through their heads? Couldn't they even think about BTS for a second? Because of these fans, all the boys had to keep me and all of their other female friends hidden...could that not awaken a sense of realisation in these people?

"Y/N!!" Somebody yelled my name, and all of a sudden there were people running towards me from every direction.

They know my name now..?

Sighing, I put my head down, and started walking faster to avoid those people. That wasn't even going to be of any use...these people were going to catch up to me eventually. And God knew what they were going to do. Couldn't I just get a peaceful good night's sleep at my home? Did it have to be this way? Ugh, how I wished the earth split up and swallowed me whole right about now.

Strangely, God listened to my prayer...but in a weird way...the earth didn't pull me under it, but a van, which had come alongside me, did.

I didn't even have time to react as the back door of the van opened suddenly, and a hand pulled me inside it. The van started driving away.

I opened my mouth to scream but the same hand covered my mouth tightly.

"Do not scream, and don't try to say a word until I tell you to." A male voice whispered furiously.

I sat quiet, my mouth shut tight, and my eyes wide, blinking rapidly, trying to figure out what was going on but I failed to do so in the darkness inside the van. My heart beat really fast; I couldn't even think coherently.

"Why do you have the lights turned off? Seriously!!" He said again, presumably to the driver, taking his hand away from my mouth as he did so. As a result, the lights came on after a second, and I could look at the person who had "kidnapped" me. And I screamed.

"What the heck, Jungkook??!!!"

Can You Keep A Secret? Pt.18

Part 17//Part 18//Part 19

For other parts and the MASTERLIST, please refer to the link in my bio. Thank you so much for reading!!

So...yeah, I know. Belated Happy New Year to you all...I was super busy and I just couldn't post. So here it is, in all its glory, whatever it is, haha. I hope you all had a good new year's, and if you want to talk about it, DM me and we can chat!! And if you have anything to say to me about the story, you can always ask me, I'm always waiting for your beautiful asks. Stay updated, and happy reading!!

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Summary: Your close friend Taehyung, shares a secret with you, a big secret: You have had a crush on Jimin for the past 6 years. But what he doesn't know is that you have done something bigger than that, something that could destroy many people's lives in seconds. That's a secret for you to keep. But something even bigger is floating in the air: what you have done could destroy BTS's friendship forever...but that's a secret even you don't know yourself.

Pairing: Reader × Jimin/Taehyung ft. Other Members

Genre: Angst

Tag(s): @slut-for-fandoms

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treadmilltreats · 2 years

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Loving what you do

Since Monday was Valentine's day and since the world needs more love, I decided to write about love all this week.

In today's series about love, I couldn't help but write about loving what you do. This is so important because most of us work 5 days a week, 40 hours a week and so you better like what you do.

I always tell my daughter's this, especially now that they are at that age where they're trying to figure out what they want to do with the rest of their lives. I know they are conflicted about what they can do to make the most money, compared to what they would love to do.

But here's the thing if you pick a career and you spend $100,000 in student loans debt and then you find out that you don't love what you are doing, what did you just study or paid all this money for?

Now you are stuck in that career, paying off that debt for years to come. I personally know a few of my friends that are stuck like that. One in particular whose parents wanted her to be an attorney and they kept pushing her. She went to college, listened to them and she did the right thing or so she thought. After years in school she finally became an attorney, she worked at it for a few years and then realized that she hated it with a passion.

She could have stayed in that career to please everyone else but she was so unhappy that she decided to go back to school and become a teacher. She had always wanted to be a teacher and she finally followed her heart, her passion and now years later she is still doing what she loves. Yes, she makes a lot, a lot less but this is her passion and she doesn't care.

I know how it feels to hate your job. I once got a job offer with a friend, making great money. After taking the job I realized that her sister who was the boss was the devil. No, trust and believe, I am not exaggerating here. She would tell you one thing then the next day yell at you for doing it wrong even though she told you to do it that way.

You couldn't listen to music, you had to put your phone in a box when you got there. She was a control freak, a narcissist and she reminded me so much of my ex husband that it was scary. She was an equal opportunity bitch as she was not just bad to us but her family who worked with her as well. It got so bad that when I got off the exit to get to work I would literally break out in hives, and yes, I am serious.

I would pray in my car before going in, once I even anointed her office! (I know that only some of you will get that one)

I couldn't quit as I was right in the middle of purchasing a home so every day I had to go and make myself sick.

The day before Christmas eve I went to the closing of my home and as soon as I signed the papers, I emailed her my 2 week resignation. She wrote me back and said I didn't have to bother coming in for the 2 weeks. I was so ecstatic, I wrote back and said "Well then, Merry Christmas to me!!!"

I walked out on faith, I didn't have another job lined up. I had just bought this new home but all I knew was that I was gonna be happy, I didn't live 24 miserable years in an abusive relationship to now have a job that was also abusive and making me that unhappy.

Sometimes you need to just take that leap and do what it is that makes you happy. For me, I started my own company doing organizing and I haven't been happier. This is what I'm passionate about, this writing, this speaking to people, organizing people's homes and their lives….this is what I'm called to do.

Whether or not I get paid for it, I would still do it because I'm so passionate about it and I love it. See this is how you should live your life, I am telling you that money is not everything, and trust me I know.

I walked away from a big lifestyle to having to work 3 jobs just to get by but here's the thing, every night I come home to my house, where I don't have to walk on eggshells and I can be me and I am truly happy. I am filled with peace and joy that I haven't felt in years and there is no money that could buy what I feel right now.

So today my friends and my girls, listen up, do what you love. Don't spend the majority of your life doing something you hate or don't like. Why waste the precious time you are giving doing that? Find something you really enjoy and make a career out of that. You may not be rolling in the money but I will tell you, you will be rolling in joy!

"Be the change you want to see"

@TreadmillTreats

#self help #love #mental health #positive

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jace-hero · 2 years

Text

Looking Back on 2021

1:What did you do in 2021 that you’d never done before? I finally had sex, so that was cool I guess. I worked in a doctor's office for the first time. Went to a non-WWE wrestling show.

2:Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't remember if I made any, so probably not. This year I am going to get back in shape, save money, and fix my mental health. That is all I will worry about this year.

3:Did anyone close to you give birth? Not that I am aware of.

4:Did anyone close to you die? Not close to me, but a few people I knew passed away.

5:What countries did you visit? Still can't. Covid won't leave. Definitely going to travel as soon as I can.

6:What would you like to have in 2022 that you lacked in 2021? Peace of mind and a clear path.

7:What dates from 2021 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? September 16th. My mind became so much clearer that day.

8:What was your biggest achievement of the year? Learning my worth and to appreciate those around me, and those who want me around.

9:What was your biggest failure? Not taking advantage of the year the best that I could have. Almost letting my demons creep back up into me.

10:Did you suffer illness or injury? I finally caught Covid in August, then I got a random ass cold in December too.

11:What was the best thing you bought? New phone, some nice clothes, tickets to wrestling a few times, and paid to fix my car and went on some much needed road trips.

12:Whose behavior merited celebration? All my friends. <3

13:Whose behavior made you appalled? The people I work for, and the people who hurt my friends. Also anyone involved in the Kyle Rittenhouse trial.

14:Where did most of your money go? Food, event tickets, parking, and gas for long road trips.

15:What did you get really, really, really excited about? Going to wrestling again. Spider-Man: No Way Home.

16:What song will always remind you of 2021? "Mood" by 24kGoldn. I know it came out last year, but I listened to it a lot this year and it always put me in a better mood, no pun intended.

17:Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? ( c) richer or poorer? Sadder, Fatter, Richer.

18:What do you wish you’d done more of? Saved money.

19:What do you wish you’d done less of? Waiting.

20:How did you spend Christmas? Watching the Matrix with my momma, and then exchanging gifts with my friends.

21:Did you fall in love in 2021? No, but I'm learning to love myself again.

22:What was your favorite TV program? I'm gonna go with WandaVision. Shoutout to Schitt's Creek which I finally watched and binged tho.

23:Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Nope. Not a single person. Hating people is too exhausting.

24:What was the best book you read? I didn't get around to reading this year.

25:What was your greatest musical discovery? I was sleeping on Lil Nas X. My eyes were definitely opened to him this year.

26:What did you want and get? A job, to fix my car, to move out, to no longer be a "scrub" according to TLC.

27:What did you want and not get? There was an opportunity to knock the number 1 thing on my bucket list out, but I didn't even know about it until the opportunity had passed. Started a new bucket list without that on it.

28:What was your favorite film of this year? Spider-Man: No Way Home. Shoutout to The Suicide Squad and I Care A Lot.

29:What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Realizing in the end that I can be whatever the hell I want to be, and all I have to do is work towards it.

30:How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2021? Scrubs. Like the work attire, not the song.

31:What kept you sane? Music, and friends who let me talk their fucking ears off.

32:Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I mean, always Justin. Album was great.

33:What political issue stirred you the most? The Kyle Rittenhouse trial.

34:Who did you miss? My grandma. My dogs. Friends I haven't seen in a long time. Family I haven't seen in a long time.

35:Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2021. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, no matter how much you better yourself, no matter how much you want it, you just don't get what you want, and that is perfectly okay. That is no slight on you. Some things just aren't meant to be. There doesn't need to be sadness, or anger, or disappointment, or blame. Just take your hard work, and your energy, and put it elsewhere. Whatever is meant to be will be, and one day you will find what you were meant to find, when you're meant to find it.

36:Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. "I need time to get up and get off the floor." ~ Lil Nas X (Lost in the Citadel)

#2021 #last year #year in review #happy new year

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