Happy Pride to literally every character Markiplier has ever created, theres just something unhinged and LGBTQ+ about all of them and we love to see it uwu

BY AMANDA MARCOTTE

Republicans know exactly what they believe is the greatest threat to American students: books.

In Florida, the possibility of a student choosing a book to read was deemed so threatening that teachers were ordered to lock up all the books until they could be — slowly, painfully — combed over by censors. Now, as the censors make their way through the books at a snail's pace, word of what has been officially banned from shelves thus far is starting to trickle out. Unsurprisingly, in a state controlled by a retentive fascist like Gov. Ron DeSantis, the books deemed too dangerous to read mostly involve ideas like "gay couples exist" and "there was once a civil rights movement." As Tom Fontaine of Trib Live reports:

"PEN America, a New York-based nonprofit that works to defend free expression, reported the district had removed at least 176 titles from classrooms. They include works such as ‘My Two Dads and Me,’ ‘My Two Moms and Me,’ ‘Celebrating Different Beliefs,’ ‘The Gift of Ramadan,’ ‘The Berenstain Bears and the Big Question’ and books about Rosa Parks, the Underground Railroad and Japanese internment camps during World War II.

Also removed was ‘Roberto Clemente: The Pride of the Pittsburgh Pirates,’ a 2005 book by Dormont's Jonah Winter.

The 32-page book references racism Clemente sometimes endured."

Republicans are also deeply worried that a child might enjoy a drag queen story hour, in which drag performers use their skills at entertaining a crowd to get kids excited about reading. The threat that a funny person in a flashy costume might make a child happy is such that Republicans in state legislatures are considering bans so draconian that they could criminalize merely being a trans person in public or wearing makeup on a stage.

Of course, considering the Republican hostility to children reading, the "story hour" may be as offensive to them as the "drag" part.

The nation woke on Tuesday to familiar news that doesn't get any less disturbing, despite being painfully common. There was another mass shooting, this time at Michigan State. A gunman left three dead and five more critically injured. This is in a year where there has been an average of more than one mass shooting a day. At least one of the survivors of this latest shooting also survived a mass shooting 14 months ago at Oxford High School.

At this point, the Republican callousness to the carnage is so baked in that it barely feels worth remarking upon. Nor is this just a matter, as so many claim, of Republicans being too "afraid" of the NRA to stand up for meaningful gun safety laws. As I've written about before, there's plenty of reason to believe that the reason Republicans block most efforts to prevent mass shootings is that they benefit politically from both the feelings of helplessness and social decay that such shootings sow in the public.

"Please don't tell me you care about the safety of children if you are not willing to have a conversaion about keeping them safe in a place that should be a sanctuary," Democratic Rep. Elissa Slotkin, who represents the Michigan district the shooting happened in, said during an emotionally raw press conference Tuesday morning. She didn't need to elaborate on who claims to "care" about children but certainly does not.

We've been subject to a yearslong effort to ban books and gut the rights of LGBTQ people, all justified by GOP claims to be "protecting" children. The College Board, under pressure from DeSantis and the larger Republican establishment, has even gone so far as to remove books by renowned writers and poets like bell hooks, June Jordan, and Ta-Nehisi Coates from an African-American studies course. The excuse is that the fragile self-esteem of white students cannot withstand learning about the realities of racism.

But while Republicans fret and moan over the supposed damage done to students' minds by learning that racism happens or LGBTQ people exist, the much more real danger that comes from a bullet tearing through a body is not considered a priority. In the Republican imagination, a high school or college student is too delicate to read about the Holocaust or slavery, but should also be tough enough to stand up to an armed madman mowing down kids with a semiautomatic weapon. And if such kids do survive the kind of graphic violence that Republicans believe they're too sensitive to read about, then such kids are also expected to be tough enough to endure members of Congress like Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, R-Ga., denying the violence ever happened and harassing those who survived it.

After last year's shooting in Uvalde, Texas — which left 19 kids and two teachers dead — a handful of Republicans decided it was becoming politically untenable to maintain the "thoughts and prayers, but nothing can be done" position that has characterized the party for so long. So 15 Republican Senators crossed the aisle to vote for a gun safety bill last June. The Beltway media, longing for a narrative of bipartisan comity, swooned rapturously over this supposed evolution away from sociopathic disregard towards gun violence towards something more humane.

But, at the cost of sounding overly cynical, the whole thing was probably more of a ploy to get people off their backs than anything else.

For one thing, for every Senate Republican who did vote for the bill, there were more than two who refused. Second, while there were some good items in the law that President Joe Biden signed last summer — especially closing the "boyfriend" loophole that let domestic abusers buy guns — the legislation stops well short of what's needed to keep guns out of the hands of unhinged people who want to shoot up nightclubs, schools, and shopping malls.

To make it worse, what little Republicans are willing to do in Congress is in real danger of being dismantled by Republicans in the federal courts.

The same week Congress passed their watered-down gun safety bill, the six Republican Supreme Court justices overturned a New York state law that is over 100 years old, which restricted who can carry guns in public. As Slate's legal expert Mark Joseph Stern wrote at the time, the decision rests on "a maximalist opinion by Justice Clarence Thomas that renders most of the nation's gun control laws presumptively unconstitutional."

Sure enough, other Republican-controlled federal courts took note. Earlier this month, the Fifth Circuit used Thomas's decision as a pretext to rule against a law barring domestic abusers from owning guns. This law not only protects the lives of women who are being stalked by former partners, but it's useful in preventing mass shootings. Over half of mass shooters had a known history of domestic violence. Sadly, many of them were able to commit their crimes by taking advantage of the pro-gun, anti-woman views of local Republican politicians, who won't enforce existing gun laws. That appears, for instance, to be the case in the Club Q shooting in Colorado Springs in December. The suspect had been previously arrested after a reported domestic violence incident involving his mother, but the right-wing sheriff who had bragged about being a gun rights absolutist did not enforce a law allowing the government to take the shooter's guns from him.

When faced with the carnage that their gun fanaticism inflicts on our nation, Republicans will often pretend that their hands are tied by the constitution. The GOP cowards who rule against the ban on wife beaters owning guns used this excuse. The court claimed there is no "historical tradition of firearm regulation" regarding domestic violence and that therefore they are forced — forced I tell you! — to believe the Second Amendment's language about a "well-regulated militia" somehow covers unregulated, non-militia wife beaters.

This feigned constitutional absolutism is ridiculous on its face. It's even more obviously a lie in the context of GOP enthusiasm for book banning. Unlike the Second Amendment, which puts strong limits ("well-regulated militia") on the right to bear arms, the First Amendment grants Americans expansive rights to free speech. It very clearly states that there should be "no law...abridging the freedom of speech." That's without caveat, unlike the Second Amendment. And there are certainly no exceptions for "unless it offends the bigoted sentiments of Ron DeSantis."

Most of all, of course, this exposes how Republicans are only interested in controlling students, not protecting them. The threat of the targeted books is not to students, who will only benefit from learning more about the world around them. The threat is to the fragile egos of the right-wing bigots who make up the Republican base. This focus on control also explains the GOP's disinterest in doing anything to save students from mad gunmen. They may be saddened by a dead child, but they aren't threatened by them. A murdered child, after all, is unlikely to think for themselves, much less grow up to vote against Republicans. And ultimately, that's all the GOP is really worried about when they talk about "the children."

PRIDE HEADCANONS

Gingka is a panromantic cisgender, however he is unaware of being pan. I think once he got together and talked with the group about it he just thought it was normal for people to like all types of people (Gingka: ‘As long as people have a good spirit and supportive attitude I like them just like everyone else, obviously!’ The group: ‘oh, buddy, no that’s not—‘) Once he would figure out exactly what it was he would make a lot of bad Pan jokes

I know this is widely regarded as true in the fandom but MMMM I wanna do it ANYWAY. Kyoya is TRANS (FTM), and of course a chaotic bisexual. He always kind of knew but he didn’t come out until he was around 13. I feel like he would have a lot of dysphoria which ties into his self destructive ‘I-need-to-be-the-strongest’ habits, but he’s learned to deal with it in better ways over the years. I also feel like the WBBA helped him get into a program which eventually helped him get his top surgery done at around age 19 (You better believe this man CRIED when he first saw himself in the mirror after the surgery)

Ryuga is a tougher one to dissect, but I think he would be something along the lines of gay/asexual. He doesn’t really strike me as a sexual person, and I think to him sex and sexual acts are just kinda a primal waste of time that could be better spent training. As for his romantic orientation I don’t even think he knows himself. I think a lot of it’s been repressed and or unrealized as a result of being absent from a lot of society due to Doji and his own training so it doesn’t come up very often. Kenta sort of brought it up to him when he went back into the group, but Ryuga won’t really give him an answer because he doesn’t know exactly what he is and how everyone will react once he figures it out.

Madoka and Hikaru are together and both cisgender lesbians, though hikaru has been considering the label as non-binary for a while now. They like to go out and have cafe dates and cuddle while watching YouTube. I feel like Madoka also likes to rant about mechanics and other geeky stuff to Hikaru while she’s working, and Hikaru likes to read to Madoka when she’s feeling sick. I’m short they are the ULTIMATE COZY LESBIANS.

Tsubasa is agender/pan. He doesn’t really care who he loves or what he’s called, he’s just comfortable existing, especially when he’s out in nature. He recommended the LGBTQ program in the WBBA to Kyoya and a lot of the others, which has made a lot more people comfortable with exploring who they are, especially Hikaru. He volunteers at the WBBA tent at The local pride parade every year and dresses Eagle with a little Rainbow Bandana.

Kenta and Yu are straight Allies. Both of them know a lot about the community, but the only difference between them is that Kenta thinks he’s a bit too young still to consider those things seriously, while Yu doesn’t really care because he’ll always be chaos incarnate no matter what label he chooses in the future.

Benkei is Aro/Ace. He’s never really felt any sort of romantic or sexual attraction before but that doesn’t phase him because the greatest thing he has is his friendships and that makes it okay. He really started to feel at peace with himself when he joined Kyoya's gang, where Kyoya came out to him as Trans and told Benkei that how he felt was valid. He never misses a chance to post or shout LGBTQ validations to anyone who needs to hear it.

If you have any characters you want me to make Pride Headcanons for, feel free to ask!!!! Happy Pride!!!!

I'm such a 🤡

Pride Month is almost over and I wish I would have came up with this idea sooner so I could pan it out instead of shoving it all into one post.

Sigh

All is well however and I'll still do it before the month is over!

So, I wanted to let it be known that I sometimes write queer characters into my stories and I'm too much of a perfectionists to write them wrong. Days or research goes into each character who fits under the lgbtq+ umbrella.

So here I wanna detail some of these characters just to be sure I'm not getting anything wrong (of course I'm straight, so unfortunately there will still be some issues)

Brown and Pink

These two girls literally do not have a name because it's a unfinished story I have no ideas for lol. However, I have the plot "finished" in my head, it's just a matter of writing the story.

But, Brown is a IT major who has the biggest crush on a girl she sees around her campus. Not wanting to freak the girl out, she simply is her friend. However, Brown also has a crush on the creator of a queer webcomic artist. Not only does she love the comic, she loves the personality if the artist as well, so she lives an average college life until Pink calls her one day with a delimma.

Pink is super cute in my head, shes actually just a black uwu girl and I love it. (Btw, they're both black). Pink is also pretty shy and is often to herself, so when she calls Brown, she knows it has to be for something serious.

Pink explains she needs help because someone hacked into her "Webtoon" account and she can't log in anymore. Being bad with technology, she calls the only person she can think to help, which also happens to be the girl she's drawing the comic about. I think you know where this is going.

Mandy

This whole story is a satire, but Mandy is my attempt at a Pansexual. Mandy is brought into the story because she flirts with everyone. The main characters in the story are actually introduced to her when she approaches them at a park wondering if they'd be willing to go on a double date, she doesn't even care who she goes with out of group 1 female and 2 males. However, she's not just pan for no reason.

Her family isn't supportive of her in the slightest--even before she realized she was pan--so she acted out. Did whatever she wanted with whoever she wanted and at some point realized it wasn't just acting out, but apart of who she is. She truly has love for everyone in any form they come in.

This story also has abilities and powers, Mandy has the ability to see what others can't. I have a ghost character in this story and she's able to see him despite him being turning himself invisible, just to give you an example.

Ren

He is a character I often have as the twin brother of my MC Cassie. He's been gay since I can remember (he's a mad old character). His boyfriend originally was a "trap" since as a kid that's usually what I saw in Yaoi and BL, but when I got older, I didn't wanna fall into that stereotype too much and instead made his boyfriend a soft boi.

Ren is also very aggressive to somewhat combat the stereotype that all gay men are feminine and weak. I also added a personality trait that Ren is easily influenced by men, but that's to normalize him as, come on, anyone who's straight reading this, you mean to tell me you're not more swayed by someone you find attractive/your type? Come on, don't lie.

Ren more so acts as a normal sibling to his sister, but he just so happens to be gay.

Mari

Just because I talked about Ren, I have to talk about his boyfriend. As I said, originally he was a trap character, but I felt that was kind of... Gross for lack of a better word that I couldn't write a male character who appeared as a man in a gay relationship. It felt like I had to still write a "straight" relationship masquerading as a gay one.

But Mari is still super adorable. He's meant to be really cute and soft to contrast Ren's aggressive demeanor. He's passive, but can still stand up for himself and he's usually a voice of reason when Ren is being irrational.

Kit

These next two are the couple in an erotica I'm writing. With the first book drafted and the second in the works I can tell you a but about him without spoiling the story.

Kit is a hard working voice actor who's the absolute worst to be around lol. He's made to be very high strung and unbearable, demanding people do more work than they're already doing.

However, he's good at what he does so people still love him. Even when he comes out as gay, his fans still love him and support anything he wants to do. I actually love writing Kit because I get to be unreasonably annoying when I write him haha.

Also, their story was made after I got an idea about making a story with a "cat dude and a dog dude" they're not actually animals, they just have personalities like some. In this case, Kit is a cat personality and actually owns a black cat.

Phelan

Phelan is built to be the total opposite of Kit. He's kind, caring, charming, nice, and sweet. It's actually so healing to write him because he's so nice it almost bleeds into my life.

He's also written to never really take insults. Not because he's dense and can't understand them, but because he just doesn't really care when people insult him. Case and point is his boyfriend, Kit. From belittling to outright insulting, Kit has done and said every bad thing there is to say to Phelan, yet, the golden retriever can't seem to resent the black cat.

Phelan is actually very pursuant and tries his hardest to get into a relationship with Kit because... Well, if you ever read it, you'll find out why~

Side note, I wanna talk about his ethnicity. Because since Kit is meant to be a "cat" he's obviously a dog, specifically he owns like three golden retrievers. However, this made me imagine him as a white/fair skinned male; but when I was self-editing the story, he started coming off as some kind of poc. I'm not sure what group, but he gave me vibes of a poc. An example is that as a voice actor, he was asked by a friend to voice a character and almost everyone at that place is a poc (Black/African-American, Filipino, and Hispanic) so I thought "why would they invite some random white guy?" It just seemed to on the "checking the ethnic diversity box" and I'm sure some would assume I only included a white character because there just had to be one. Man I really wish I had a concept artist just to see what version of him matches more.

Gabe

I made the story he's in around the time I started to learn about trans people. The story's whole plot revolves around three kids coming of age in a ever changing world. Specifically, Cassie's plot is her coming to terms with who she is. Not a shy, introverted young girl but a passionate and determined young woman.

So, I wanted to represent her change in a physical manner and when I was learning about trans issues, I decided to add it as a physical showcase of her development.

Gabe is a trans man who wants to mentor Cassie after seeing some potential in her. While I'm not finished with the story, I do know there's a conversation I was going to put in there where Gabe reveals to Cassie he's trans because he feels she's going through a similar struggle he did as a child. Not feeling like he could properly express himself or identify in the way he felt most comfortable in.

And those are all my most prominent queer characters! I would love to add more, that would require me to learn more so I don't portray harmful stereotypes and can characterize them properly.

But, thank you for reading and I hope you can write well tonight or tomorrow; and...

Happy Pride Month!

writing queer characters

hello hello everyone, sorry for the unplanned hiatus, school is kicking our asses a bit but…we’re back!! (we hope you missed us) also, happy pride! this is the perfect post for our comeback :D

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the gist of it

write any queer character like you would a heterosexual and/or cisgender character! your queer characters are three-dimensional people who just happen to be gay as well :) diversity is a great thing which should be included in all works of fiction, but writing queer characters just to tick a check box isn’t going to cut it.

stereotypes like the ‘gay best friend’ aren’t proper representation because of how they don’t fully illustrate the queer experience. create obstacles and goals for your characters, without fully fixating on their sexuality. focusing on the development of your character’s personality and motivations is something that should take centre stage, because the aspect of them being queer is just as normal as if they were straight.

a good character (who just happens to be queer) is a character where them being lgbtq+ isn’t the most important thing about them.

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lgbtq+ focused struggles

when writing queer characters, the gut urge is to gravitate towards the traditional ‘coming out story’ or something along those lines. these are important stories as well, but we just want to say that there is so, so much more you can go into. most lgbtq+ people in the real world are just real people, living their lives, with conflicts and change going on that aren’t always related to their sexuality or gender.

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research is key!!

writing diverse stories is something any writer can do…with the right research! you can talk to someone in the community (without being invasive, of course) who might be able to give you some new insight. you could even do research by taking a look at influencers or other people online who have talked about their experiences on a public platform. taking a look at things like media, films and literature by queer writers will be able to allow for you to gain a wider lens of perspective as well.

the best way to allow for your readers to be able to see themselves in your story is by doing your research. doing this early in the development process is always preferable because of how major issues in characters can be ironed out before you delve in deeper.

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queer characters in all genres

queer people existed throughout all of history. the same should go for book genres! book genres that aren’t just contemporary have room for lgbtq+ characters too, whether it’s historical fiction to horror.

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‘what if I don’t feel qualified to write queer characters?’

people in the lgbtq+ community shouldn’t be the only people writing queer characters. the person writing the story shouldn’t matter as much as the story itself! queer characters can be written by anyone with the time, dedication and care to create characters that are compelling, real people, queerness aside. when writing any character, actually, make an effort to learn as much as you can to imagine them as human beings, and not just a loose bundle of stereotypes.

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to conclude:

thank you for reading to the end of this post! we hope this information was helpful for anyone looking to write queer characters and see you next time :) - audrey (your best bi disaster)

Topic: LGBTQ+ Pride

It’s June, loves!! Happy Pride Month! I mainly came here to say that, but to also speak on the lgbtq+ community. Before I start, I do want to say that I am part of the community! I am pansexual, polyamorous and acespike in terms of orientation. In gender, I fall under Pomogender!  ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .*☽*. :☆ﾟ. ───

  There are many labels in the LGBTQ+ community, including “unlabeled”! Of course, labels are not necessary, but they do help some feel mroe comfortable in their own skin. The LGBTQ+ community is a community that falls out of societal norms of having “Only 2 genders” or “Only Man plus woman relationships”. The LGBTQ+ community is a community where people can love anyone of their preference, use any pronoun they wish, and generally identify however they feel comfortable! Most commonly known terms are Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Pansexual, and Transgender. Love is love, and everyone has a right to what they prefer as long as it is respectful to all races, ages, cultures and religions! Pedophilia is not okay, so please do not say it is. “Preferring” and creating a “sexuality” that entails that is not valid. It is predatory behavior. For genuine labels and people within the LGBTQ+ community, many have a distaste to their preferences and choices, but it is not genuinely harming others. ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .*☽*. :☆ﾟ. ─── I am an afab, fem leaning pomogender person. I am celebrating Pride Month with my two girlfriends. One is cisgender and pan and my other is trans and omni. I am polyamorous, and I am proud to be part of such a beautiful community and be in love with two beautiful people. Keep loving who you love, no matter their gender or sexuality. LGBTQ+ is beautiful. Allies are as well, so please don’t feel too left out! We appreciate you guys so so much! Thank you for being understanding or trying to be.  ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .*☽*. :☆ﾟ. ─── If you’ve gotten this far, thanks for reading! Please note that these are my own personal beliefs on public topics. I do not wish to force these thoughts and feelings onto others, but rather open people up to other opinions and insights, especially as of the fact that I am part of the LGBTQ+ community. If you do not agree with this post, that is fine. As much as I may disagree with you, I will not harm you or bring you down for what you believe. But please don’t leave any hateful content and/or comments. They will be removed asap, and may possibly be reported. Again, this is a safe space. And if you agree or don’t mind, I hope you stick along and/or share this with others! This is a safe space for both supporters and members of LGBTQ+. This space (especially this post) a safe space for all that support the “Love is love” movement, so please be respectful. Thank you!

Would you be alright with writing some HCs about the brothers and a MC who's a trans guy? Sorry if it's a tall order or too vague, they're a big comfort for me and I'd like to see what ideas you have bcs your headcanons are fantastic ;w;

HELL YEAH DUDE!!!! IM ALSO TRANS!!! AH!!!!! demigirl rights :3 but i also find a huge comfort in the boys and i hc all of them as trans because no one can Stop Me •• but i really hope you enjoy these and remember you’re valid and i care u so much! Also i hope you don’t mind but i kinda made it gender neutral so every trans folk could enjoy!

The Brothers With A Trans MC

Lucifer

He didn’t know until you came out to him honestly. He knew all his other siblings were trans but with all the work Diavolo gave him and adding new students from different realms on top of that he hadn’t really had time to notice any minor changes in you.

He feels guilty about this and immediately makes sure(like everyone else)to ask for your pronouns, name, and how you would like to present yourself from now on.

Fixes your ID cards and your papers with Diavolo right after dinner

God. He’s such a dad and he gets you things that have your new name on them. You wake up to see you have a new pencil case with your name embroidered on it with matching pencils. God.....he’s so weird i love him so much

Asmo does most of your clothing shopping but for formal wear he takes you shopping! He’s not about to buy you some cheap tux or gown ok it’s gonna be over 2000 grim and he’s gonna get you three of them STOP HIM

He’s not the best with verbal affection so he writes down notes that are like “you looked very handsome/pretty today.” or when he first starts writing them they’re like “you’re a boy/girl/kid. i’m proud of you.” Thank u mr morningstar

You want surgery or to start hormones??? He will stop all his work with Diavolo and spend forever looking up things for you, he wants you to be as safe as possible(pls he almost fainted after he realized you’d have to give yourself a shot like everyday dhdhdhjdhd hc that demons/angels don’t have to do hormone therapy i’m so JEALOUS)

Practices saying your pronouns in his study when you first come out. He just wants to make sure you feel as safe as possible in his care(and he remembers how terrible it felt to be misgendered)

Guess what....he loves you no matter what :)

Mammon

You’re blind as hell if you couldn’t see his top scars but I respect it

King DOES slip up on your pronoun change but always immediately corrects himself. Satan has a spray bottle that he sprays Mammon with when he does it. Mammon is NOT amused but the same can’t be said for Belphie.

Gender affirming activities??? Oh yeah like robbing a bank?? That’s pretty gender neutral and trans right?? Yeah!!! Wow such a good supportive brother.

If you want you can wear the formal wear Lucifer bought you to the said bank heist. Boom trans rights

You can practice painting his nails or doing his makeup if you’re too nervous to do it on yourself first!! Dw if it’s bad he also can’t do makeup or paint nails so once you let him return the favor you’re both laughing and Asmo is distraught.

KING at dying hair he will get you whatever you need and if you want an entire different hair cut entirely he’s ON it

Very used to being Loud and Brash but if you need someone to talk to about anything really he always calms down and sits down to listen to whatever you have to say.

Lots of gendered gifts from him. This said for men??? Oh ok adds to cart. Oh pink??? For ladies??? yeah that can go in there too

You’re never gonna believe this.....But he loves you and supports you :)

Levi

He was the first one to come out to you at the house!! He was just so excited! Same hat!!!

Gets literally any video game where you can design the protag/have custom pronouns and will play games like that with you for hours

Would you like a pride flag.....for u.....He has too many.....Please take the trans flag please he has no room....he bought in bulk for a pride event and didn’t consider the consequences of his actions

Miku binder but irl. He will get if for you but unironically.....thanks King. He just likes binders with patterns and i respect IT

Dysphoria?? He gives you his hoodie bc that was his trademark dysphoria hoodie and i GUESS for you he can share............he would give u anything just ask nicely he’s sensitive

Reads any character that matches up with your gender and is like!!!!! That’s you!!!! OMG!!!! You in da IRL

Goes back and edits his tweets if they use your old name or pronouns(also has he/they in his bio. this is for nothing just makes me :D)

If you haven’t chosen your name he’s gonna suggest so many fictional characters. POV levi kin assigns you.

You listen to music together that just has Trans Vibes.....maybe u cry together but there’s no judgment!! It’s just nice :)

God it’s wild but! He loves u and thinks ur great :)

Satan

Enby Satan. That’s all :)

He’s very quite about it, he supports you! He’s just not loud like his brothers

He brings you book about gender studies and LGBTQ history that he thinks would interest you(there some of his favorite books and they’ve made him feel the most comfortable in his gender)

Gives you a name list if you haven’t named yourself yet! He cares about you and wants to make sure you have the right name that suits you

He’s the one that tells you that it’s ok if you’re still figuring it all out, learning about yourself is a very tricky process and if anyone knows that it’s Satan

Any of the brothers would kill anyone who misgendered you but with Satan that shit is ON SIGHT

Asks you how you know and what were the signs that gave it away to you, but only if you’re comfortable telling him!! He just finds everyone’s experience interesting and would like to know yours as well.

Spells for fucking DAYS Satan personally kills body dysphoria the best he can(mainly bc he’s HIGHKEY afraid of you getting surgery he hates knives so much)

Makes your comfort food for you when you’re feeling down about yourself and will read whatever you want to hear outloud to you.

!!!!!! GET THIS !!!!!! He loves YOU :0

Asmo

Fucking excited!!!! This means you two are going to buy so much clothing together and he gets to style you let’s GO

Buys you whatever you want but he will make you try it all on so be CAREFUL what u wish for.....ur gonna be there till the store closes yeah......

Paints your nails with the trans pride flag!! Also does your makeup and gives you tips on how to look more masculine or fem!!

VOICE LESSONS

He will help you lower or raise the pitch of your voice if it KILLS him. It eventually becomes like a mini class after school

Helps with internalized transphobia! Hes dealt with his fair share and knows how awful it can be and he will NOT being having you experience that as well we r practicing Self Care now

Picks apart any one who misgenders you until they’re crying he has NO fucking time for that behavior in this HOUSE

Sometimes self care is eating whatever you want and sitting in the dysphoria hoodies while watching chick flicks with Asmo

He likes dressing you up but he’s always sure to set boundaries so he never puts you into something that makes you feel uncomfortable

ALSO edits his posts and takes down anything that makes you uncomfortable!!

He loves you so much!!!!

Beel

another one to hand you The Dysphoria Hoodie and it’s very large and comfy!

he’ll help you make out a work out routine that will help you get the body you want and it makes him really happy to work out with you :)

he’s gonna hold your hand if you have to take shots and will give you puppy eyes if you don’t let him. He’s just worried!!!! He wants to help

stands behind you whenever you’re nervous about coming out to someone, he will NOT have someone making you feel bad or misgendering you

he’ll see food with trans pride colors and gives it too you, probably doesn’t even know what it is half the time but it made him think of you so he makes sure to get it for you

he doesn’t trip up on any of your new pronouns or name and makes it seem like he never even knew them. dead name???? what’s that??? a type of sauce?????

will let you vent to him whenever needed and will always make you a sundae after you’ve finished. it’s comically huge but it’s tasty and does make you feel a lot better, thanks beel

makes sure you remember to take off your binder if you’ve been wearing it for more than eight hours! and if you’ve been wearing heels to feel more fem he reminds you to take those off too and has a pair of slippers for you in his room that you can wear instead

hey! get this! He loves you so, so much :D

Belphie

you’re trans? ok kid join the club. he doesn’t make a big deal at all

are you still gonna cuddle with him and join him in his quest to make lucifer’s life difficult? yeah? ok then cool what’s ur name 

if he hears someone misgender you he waits till you’ve left the room and just kills whoever did it, dude’s unhinged what did you expect from him honestly

he’s actually really curious about any hormone therapy you’re on and likes listening to you rant about it to him. he likes seeing your face light up and it partly reminds him of lilith

calls your hormones something stupid like “oh dude, your gamer girl juice arrived.” or “hey your little man potion is here.” ...thanks belphie

will NOT let you sleep in a binder or push up bra!!! not healthy!! let ur chest breath guys 

like mammon, he gets you gendered gifts but they’re so fucking weird? you didn’t need a girls version of a collectable hot wheels set???? he got you blue lightning mcqueen sheets?????? those EXIST here????!!!!! when does he even shop......

introduces you to new people like “this is our resident boy/girl/human. they don’t do much but i think they’re cool.”

he really does care about you but he remembers when he came out he just didnt want people to make a big deal about it so he’s just doing what would have made him feel the most comfortable, but you can still see how much love he has for you when you look into his eyes

he loves you, so, so much :)

Bookshop AU

Andrew had thousands of followers.

He wasn’t sure how it had started. He was the owner of a small independent bookstore and he regularly hit the gym. Nothing more, nothing less.

Or at least, that’s what his life mainly consisted of before Moriyamas opened a store right in front of his one. Moriyamas was one of the major book retailers in the USA, wherever it opened a store, the other bookshops of the area closed. Andrew’s own shop didn’t stand a chance. 

That’s where Roland came in. It was just an off-handed comment, nothing anybody sane would ever take into account. But Andrew could not afford to close his shop, he had to pay the tuitio for Aaron’s med school. 

Roland said: you’d definitely sell more books if you showed your abs to your costumers. The fact that Roland had said that while he was feeling Andrew up in the storeroom of Eden’s didn’t matter. 

What Andrew did: he created an Instagram page. It was called ABS (AndrewsBookStore, you pervs). He posted photos of himself. And his books. The fact that he was often shirtless or wearing a skin-tight black t-shirt that showcased his muscles was secondary. 

The descriptions under the photos mainly consisted of his book recs. Short. A bit caustic, but straight to the point. He never forgot to add a discount code. Any customer that walked into the store would get a 20% discount on the book Andrew had promoted if they showed him the ig photo and the code before paying. The fact that the words he used as codes were frequently outrageous just made the whole thing more fun. 

Surprisingly, his ig page took off. Not only did he gain thousands and thousands of followers, but his revenue triplicated.

Nicky became a permanent fixture in the shop. Once an occasional aid during Christmas time, now he efficiently manned the register. Nicky flashed smiles at costumers who showed him Andrew’s photos to get a discount and was patient with those who blushed and stammered when asked to say the code word.

He had also hired Kevin, his roommate. And makeshift photographer who helped Andrew taking photos for Instagram. He’d probably have to hire someone else before November. But that was okay. The shop would not close.

The only price he had to pay was having to wear a tank top at work.

-

Neil was a simple bookshop clerk. At Moriyamas in Palmetto.

He loved books. A lot. Or else he wouldn’t work in a bookstore. And yet he hated the job. Hated the competitive work environment. Hated his boss Riko. Hated how things had changed since Kevin had left.

Pity that he needed the money. 

One of the very few highlights of his days was the costumers. In particular, the costumers who mistook Moriyamas for ABS (they were both on Fox Avenue, but Moriyamas was at number 32 while ABS was at 23) and showed him one of the photos and said the discount code. 

The first time it had happened, Neil had no idea what to do. An old lady had shoved her phone right into his face. On the screen a photo of a good looking blond man reading a book.  He was lying on a bed, his face half covered with a copy of TSOA. The arm that was not holding the book was raised above his head, his well toned bicep on display. Neil knew his face was turning red. Redder than the cover of TSOA the costumer was brandishing.

Neil still had no idea what was going on, especially not when the lady started saying lewd words she claimed were the discount codes.

He called Jean for help. Jean calmly explained to the old lady that she was in the wrong bookshop, ABS was down the road, on the left.

Neil, who barely even knew what Instagram was before Jean told him, went home and downloaded the app. Created a profile and went looking for ABS’s account. 

He found the photo the old lady had showed him that morning, the one with TSOA. Neil was a good liar but he rarely lied to himself. He could admit he noticed that Andrew’s t-shirt had ridden up a bit. He could admit he noticed the slip of exposed skin on his hip. He could admit he stared at it for almost half an hour. (Which was unusual to say the least) 

Another thing Neil enjoyed were the book recs. Andrew Minyard had good taste and he knew what he was doing. He promoted both new books and classics, he put trigger warnings on them, his book recs were short and funny, his dark humour made Neil crack quite a few smiles. 

Neil followed Andrew’s page and went to sleep. 

In the following days Neil got more than one costumer mistaking Moriyamas for ABS. 

Riko was getting tired of it. Instead of wiping out the competition, the Moriyamas shop of Palmetto struggled. And they struggled against a “stupid decrepit bookshop owned by a psychotic midget on steroids”. These were Riko’s words. 

Neil had no idea how he ended up filming videos where he recced books while exercising. And wearing shorts. Oh and uploading them on Instagram. 

Actually, he knew how he ended up doing that. It had something to do with Riko threatening to lay him off.

Moriyamas was copying ABS’s strategy and Neil was the unwilling accomplice.

Unsurprisingly, Neil quickly gained many followers. With the money Riko had invested in sponsoring his account, well, it was inevitable. 

Neil was waiting for the day Riko would tell him to start wearing shorts at work (it took exactly 11 days and “Neil’s Legs” trending on twitter after he uploaded one of his videos) 

Surprisingly, people followed him also for his book recs. He received hundreds of messages from people thanking him for the awesome books they read because of him. And in return they gave him other book recs. After all, Neil was happy with his Instagram.

Even more surprisingly, ABS (Andrew fucking Minyard) followed him.

-

Andrew was not sure why he followed Neil Josten.

Rationally, he knew he needed to keep an eye on the Moriyamas. He needed to do it for his own bookshop and for Kevin’s sanity. And that’s why he followed Josten.

His treacherous mind said it was also because Josten’s book recs were awesome. And so were Josten’s thighs. He’d be happy to be choked by them and suc- Wait, no. No. No. Let’s not get there. 

Let’s start over again. His treacherous mind said it was also because Neil’s book recs were awesome. Damn him. Andrew had read some of the books Josten suggested just for the sake of it. He hoped they’d be shit, but fuck, Josten knew what he was doing. 

Nevertheless, not much changed. Josten’s blog, or rather, the Moriyamas’ wasn’t a problem for Andrew. ABS was still doing great. Admittedly, Moriyamas’ discounts were higher than ABS’, but Andrew now had a number of loyal regular customers. His account was still doing great. 

One night Nicky made him rewatch Pride and Prejudice with Keira Knightly for the umpteenth time. The following day Andrew also reread book and decided to promote it. Who said he only had to talk about new releases on his account? 

In the photo Pride and Prejudice was artfully placed (or so Kevin said) on his bicep. In the description box he said that P&J was the Classic par excellence, the Classic TM and that he hoped Jane Austen could forgive him for the photo.

Two days later Andrew was casually scrolling through instagram when he saw it. In the new video Josten was promoting Wuthering Heights.  Because “people who say Pride and Prejudice is the best classic really have no taste”. The video featured Josten and a punch bag. It was gloriously rich in close ups of Neil’s butt.

This is how the cold war between ABS and Moriyamas began. 

Andrew replied with Fight Club. The description said “Recommended for jocks who like throwing punches for no reason at all. The favourite book of white men TM who think they are Brad Pitt, but actually have the emotional depth of a spoon. Read at your own risk”. 

Neil replied with The Catcher in the Rye. In the video he was doing squats. And panting into the microphone. Andrew might be wrong because he was too busy looking at Neil’s stupid face, but he was pretty sure Josten said something like “perfect if you’re looking for a book where the protagonist is a self-absorbed entitled brat” and “the true favourite book of white men TM”. 

The video ended with “psa, if you ever meet someone who says that this is their favourite book, run.” And then Josten winked. He winked. 

Fans quickly started noticing what Andrew and Neil were doing. Some talked about rivalry between bookshops, others inevitably started shipping them. 

And yet Neil and Andrew kept their videos going on. They argued which book of Neil Gaiman was the best and which vampire saga the worst. It was a photo of Andrew lifting stacks of books. And then it was a video of Neil doing squats balancing a pile of books on each hand.  It was Josten saying Aristotle & Dante was his favourite lgbtq+ book and Andrew answering that he’d never read it, but it couldn’t possibly be better than TSOA.

Andrew would never say it out loud but it was fun. He was having fun.

Andrew still suspected Josten kept on replying to his recs just to promote Moriyamas. Nothing more, nothing less. It was probably Riko who told him what to rec. Josten was a puppet.

Andrew should’ve known. But when Neil started reccing shitty books, Andrew was still a bit disappointed.

Week after week, the quality of Josten’s recs lowered. He was promoting mainstream books (but not the good mainstream books) and influencers’ rubbish biographies. 

He was about to unfollow his blog when Josten slipped into his DMs.

What the message said: I cannot accept the fact that you haven’t read Aristotle & Dante yet. When’s your next shift at the shop? 

What Andrew did: sent him his work schedule. Like an idiot who’d never had a mum telling him not to divulge personal info to strangers on the internet. Oh no wait- Andrew hadn’t.

What Neil did: walked into Andrew’s shops with a copy of A&D and a cup of coffee. Placed them on the counter in front of Andrew, smiled and left. 

Andrew could’ve complained that the coffee was too bitter and- who even gifts books to someone who owns a bookshop? He could’ve complained, but he was too busy staring at the post-it on the book. 

“Hire me before Riko makes me rec Fifty Shades of Gray xx” 

That that afternoon Andrew walked into Moriyamas with a copy of a random book in his hands. The post-it on its front cover said “You start tomorrow at 9. Don’t be late.” 

With Neil’s videos and Andrew’s photos, ABS’ account (unsurprisingly) became one of Instagram’s most popular book accounts. Andrew’s bookshop became so popular he managed to buy the Palmetto Moriyamas shop after their sales plummeted and they were forced to close the store. 

As concerns Neil and Andrew. Well. Their relationship would still be secret if Kevin -who still managed the ig account- didn’t accidentally post the wrong video. 

It was supposed to be a video of Andrew doing squats with Neil sitting on his shoulders and reading a book. 

The video that got posted to ABS’ 3 million followers instead featured Neil sitting on Andrew’s shoulders and laughing so much he lost his balance. He was about to fall to the ground when Andrew caught him in his arms and Neil, who hadn’t stopped laughing for a second, kissed him on the tip of his nose.

Suptober Day 6- Cemetery Boys

https://archiveofourown.org/works/34336042

Rating- G Jack POV

Jack has discovered there are a great deal of things that he loves about being human, he loves eating cake, taking his dog for walks, and swimming, but there’s nothing he loves more than his family. His family is not conventional, he’s got three dads, one of which is an angel, but all of them love him unconditionally. It’s rocky at first with Dean but after some quality time spent listening to Zep and going fishing together, the grumpy hunter warms up to him. It also doesn’t hurt that Jack’s first dad, Castiel, is also Dean’s partner and therefore holds a lot of sway over him, whether he likes it or not. Sam, his third dad was the best! He’s the one that establishes family movie night, Jack’s favorite night of the week!

Sam lets Jack pick the movies pretty much every week, much to Dean’s dismay. This week Jack chooses Ghostbusters as his pick. It’s great, he especially loves the jokes and the Stay Puffed Marshmallow man. He isn’t sure where the writers did their research for the movie though, his experiences with ghosts contain a lot less whimsy and a lot more salting and burning. The movie is just wrapping up when it hits him, they don’t have a name, every great team of heroes has a name.

“Hey, why don’t we have a name?” Jack poses the question, looking to Dean for a response.

“Kid, how much candy have you had? Are you sugar crashing? Remember, me Dean, you Jack, that annoying guy over there, Sam, this adorable ray of sunshine, Castiel.” Dean is concerned, he feels Jack’s forehead and looks him over, his parental instincts kicking in.

“No like a team name! Like there’s The Avengers, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, uh The Fellowship of the Ring.” Jack lists off, Sam sending him a proud smile at the last one.

“Jack, hunters don’t really do teams. We’re kinda solitary, it’s our nature.” Sam explains, causing Jack even further confusion as he looks around at his family. They do everything together, live together, celebrate wins together, spend holidays together, work together, is that not a team?

“We’re not a team? Isn’t a family a team?” Jack frowns, worrying that he’s misread a long series of social cues. He is prone to that sometimes, his brain working a bit differently from his dads, neurodivergent, that’s what Sam had called it.

“Jack, oh, of course we’re a team. But more than that, we’re family.” Cas swoops in, reaching over and patting Jack on the shoulder. Cas is always the gentlest of his dads, he gives really good hugs, and is the one Jack goes to on the days where being a human is too much to deal with.

“Would it make you feel better if we had a team name?” Dean offers, following Cas’ lead. Jack doesn’t miss when Cas sends Dean a small nod of approval. Dean has a different parenting approach, sometimes he’s a bit harder on Jack. Jack doesn’t like that but he understands that Dean is trying.

“Yeah, I was thinking Cemetery Boys!” Jack says right away, looking around the room expectantly. Sam chokes slightly on his beer while Cas smiles approvingly, Dean laughs softly, shaking his head at Jack.

“Well we do spend a disproportionate amount of time in cemeteries, so it makes sense to me.” Jack defends, his cheeks feeling hot, blushing, that’s what Sam had told him it was. Sometimes Jack hates being human, blushing is embarrassing and makes him feel a bit like a baby.

“Shouldn’t we be cemetery men?” Dean questions, raising a quizzical brow at Jack.

“Technically speaking, Jack and myself are neither male nor female. So, no.” Cas supplies, shrugging his shoulders at Dean and earning an eye roll. Jack doesn’t understand why his dads enjoy teasing each other so much, maybe annoying someone was another human way to express love?

“So, you’re telling me, I came out as bisexual for nothing because, I’m not really dating a man?” Dean blanches, gently smacking Cas on the shoulder. Hitting people is another love language Jack has learned, but not too hard, he learned that after accidently punching Sam a little too enthusiastically on the shoulder. Play fighting is good, actual violence is bad, he had explained that to him.

“We’re non-binary! Claire taught me that.” Jack is happy to interrupt, always happy to share the latest things he’d learned. He loves Claire for that reason, she’s always full of new things to learn, she is an excellent big sister. “Claire, Me, Cas, and Dean, we’re all LGBLT? Or is it LGBTQ? Either way, Claire is a lesbian, she also taught me that. And Dean, you’re a bisexual! Cas, you’re gay, I think? So, you didn’t come out for nothing, you came out for your non-binary partner.” Ha! Jack is very proud, this is one area he feels confident he knows more about than Sam, Dean, or even Cas.

“You’re surprisingly well informed for a toddler.” Sam compliments, tipping his beer bottle at him.

“The toddler age range ends at 3, I assure you, Jack is 4. He is no longer a toddler. I read all the development books.” Cas corrects, earning a laugh from Dean and a groan from Sam.

“He did, trust me Sammy, made me read some of them as well. Babies are weird man. Glad you came out fully formed kid, it was a relief.” Dean chuckles. Jack is relieved he came out fully formed too, it’s a lot more fun hanging out with his family when he can talk to them like this.

“I’m a celestial being, age doesn’t exist for me. I am as old or as young as I want to be at any given minute. Isn’t that neat?” Jack prides himself on choosing this form, a teenage body, he likes it because he can help his family. He likes going hunting, driving cars, and helping Dean cook dinner, a baby couldn’t do any of that!

“He really is your son-uh I mean they really are your child?” Dean self corrects, Jack notices he does that a lot more lately, again he really is trying to be better. Jack admires that about Dean, it’s something he tries to emulate as best as he can, always working to be a better person and make his mistakes right.

“Oh, I’m comfortable with he/they, just like my dad! I do feel like a boy most of the time.” Jack looks to Cas who nods along with him. They’d talked about it once, Cas explained that Jack could change a number of things about himself if he wished, if it would better match his soul. But Jack is really and truly happy with who he is. So is Cas.

“Yeah that’s my son.” Cas says fondly, pulling Jack into a hug. This is a good hug, the kind that makes Jack feel safe and cared for. Cas always makes him feel like he belongs, that no matter what he has a place in his arms.

That night, Jack sets a plan into motion. He waits until everyone is asleep and gets to work on creating gifts for his family. He uses his powers to manifest a set of matching black crew neck sweatshirts with the words ‘Cemetery Boys’ embroidered on the front in white thread. He then designs a magnet, putting a little ghost and tombstone on it. Once he’s satisfied he goes through the recycling and finds a box to put the sweatshirts in.

The next part is the most dangerous. Jack, creeps down the hall to the door that leads into the garage attached to the bunker. His eyes glimmer when he finds his target, the black 67 Impala, sitting dead center in the garage. Dean had just waxed her the day before so she was extra shiny. Jack likes when Baby is shiny, it makes the sun reflect on his face, nice and warm. He takes the magnet and carefully places it on the bumper, making sure not to scuff or scratch the shiny metal. Then in a flash, he is back in his room, laying in his bed as if nothing has happened.

Dean doesn’t notice the magnet until they are packing for a hunt the next day, a simple salt and burn case in Wisconsin. The whole family is going! Dean has even promised Jack that he will take him to Wisconsin Dells if it goes well and they will go to a place called Deer Park where he could pet and feed a bunch of deer. Jack likes animals, sometimes more than people, they’re much less complicated.

“Oh my god! My Baby is a whore! You gave her a tramp stamp?” Dean gasps, pointing to the offending ‘Cemetery Boys’ magnet on the bumper.

“You like it? I made it myself!” Jack beams with pride, hoping Dean was speechless because he was blown away by his ability to create magnets.

“Also, the term you’re looking for is sex worker. You need to be more sex positive Dean, especially for someone, who from the sound I hear coming from your room at night, seems to enjoy sex a great deal.” Jack blurts out nervously when Dean doesn’t respond. Jack tends to do that, he wishes he could stop, another part of what makes him different from most people.

“Oh, for the love of Christ. Please Jack, no.” Sam is doing something Claire told Jack is a facepalm, meaning he was either embarrassed or frustrated, perhaps both?

“Do not be ashamed of our healthy sex life, Dean. But do but ashamed of your gendered slurs and generally overdramatic demeanor. The car is unharmed, it’s a magnet.” Cas steps in, doing the teasing thing again. Jack really doesn’t understand his dads, but he’s glad they seem happy together.

“I swear one day Baby and I will drive away and leave you all behind. Traitors.” Dean threatens, this is a joke, Jack measures. Dean does that a lot, uses sarcasm and empty threats, at first they used to confuse and frighten Jack but now he just accepts it’s part of his nature. Dean is grumpy. Loveable but grumpy.

“See your theatrics are quite comical. You couldn’t leave us if you tried. Who would open the pickle jars for you, darling?” Cas smirks, Jack remembers witnessing this scene, Dean saying all the “no words” at a jar of gherkins as he struggled for a good 5 minutes, until his dad took the jar and opened it within two seconds.

“It was one time! And I swear I loosened it!” Dean glowers, clearly ashamed by the great pickle debacle of last week.

“Dads, stop. I will remove the magnet.” Jack decides it’s his job to play peacemaker, he steps up and gently takes the magnet off baby’s bumper, Dean visibly sighs in relief. Jack tries to hide his disappointment, he’d meant the sticker as a gift.

Cas notices his mood shift and is by his side, pulling Jack into a side hug. “Hey, you can put it on my truck.” He offers, rubbing Jack’s back and making him instantly feel better, must be magic dad powers Jack figures.

“Thanks dad, this is why you’re my favorite.” He says without thinking, Sam and Dean giving him matching offended expressions.

“Uh-what about me, I’m the one that sneaks you candy when Cas isn’t looking.” Sam makes a good point, he is exceptionally good at sneaking. He and Jack have so much fun together, that’s how they ended up with Miracle the dog. Sam had helped Jack smuggle him into the bunker and once both Jack and Cas had bonded with the dog, Dean couldn’t kick him out. Though Jack knows that Dean loves the dog just as much, he’s caught him slipping Miracle some of the good bacon when he thinks no one is looking.

“No Dean is the one that gives me candy. You help me pull pranks!” Jack laughs as Dean, flinches, quickly busing himself with packing all their bags in the trunk along with the weapons they’d need.

“Dean!” Cas says in his low, ‘oh no you’re in trouble,’ voice. “We’ve dicussed this, Jack’s intake of high fructose corn syrup is frighteningly high. He needs to eat real food.” He adds. Nougat is a food, Jack thinks privately, nougat might be his favorite food in fact.

“He’s a kid, he’ll be fine. Dean and I lived on that shi-stuff as kids and we turned out alright.” Sam, usually the vegetable police, surprisingly comes to Jack and Dean’s rescue, earning a matching raised brow from them both.

“Did you though?” Cas challenges, hand on his hip, sometimes dad gets sassy. Jack likes when dad gets sassy because it’s funny, makes him laugh.

“Well damn, don’t sugar coat it or anything babe.” Dean says in disbelief, opening the passenger door for Cas, Sam climbing into Baby’s backseat before Dean motions for Jack to come sit behind him. “Do I even want to know?” He sighs as he spots the box Jack is carrying.

“Well you’ve all been distracting me, I almost forgot.” Jack pauses as he opens the box and holds up the Sam sized sweatshirt. “I made us all shirts! Team shirts, we’re the Cemetery Boys!” He says proudly, shoving the shirt at Sam, then two at Cas, one for him and one for Dean. Jack pulls on his own shirt right away, stretching his arms and modeling it for them all.

“Can you all wear them for me?” Jack pulls out his trump card for this one, using the ‘look’ that Sam had taught him. He made his eyes big and kept them open just long enough so they were watering slightly, then bit his lip.

“I really screwed myself when I taught you my secrets. Really, using my own puppy eyes on me. Really short sighted of me to teach you that.” Sam sighs as he pulls on the sweatshirt, Cas doing the same.

“Nope, still not doing it. I don’t do matching shirts.” Dean holds firm, shaking his head at Cas when he holds out the sweatshirt to him as they pull out of the garage.

“Dean, the couch in the library is awfully uncomfortable. It’d be a shame if you had to sleep there.” Cas is firmly on team Cemetery Boys, pulling out the big threats to get Jack his way.

“Ugh fine, but no one can ever find out about this!” Dean groans, waiting until he’s at a stop sign at the end of the road to pull it on. Jack lights up, his team is complete, all three dads are wearing his shirt!

“It’s funny how easily emasculated you are Dean. Life is a lot more fun when you stop caring about gender expectations.” Cas smirks, Dean rolling his eyes at Cas and mimicking his know it all expression.

“Dean is sensitive, dad, and he’s really good at making pies! I think he cares less than you think he does.” Jack pauses, pleased when Dean makes eye contact with him in the rearview mirror and smiles. “Besides, I saw the pink underwear he hides when I helped with that laundry that one time.” He adds, Dean’s smile quickly disappearing, his eyes wide as he tightly gripped the steering wheel.

“Jesus Christ, kid, stop selling out all my secrets.” Dean grits between his teeth, now he is blushing. Jack knows Dean hates blushing just as much as he does.

“Oh that’s good! Can’t wait to tell Claire that one!” Sam barks out a laugh, taking his phone out of his pocket.

“You wouldn’t!” Dean hangs his head in shame when they stop for a train.

“Already did!” Sam sing songs, holding up his phone. Jack is sometimes thankful that Claire doesn’t live with them, living with your sibling seems exhausting sometimes, if Sam and Dean are any indication.

“Alright that’s enough Jack, don’t spill all the coffee. Your dad is allowed to have his secrets.” Cas intervenes, gently patting Dean’s thigh.

“Tea, dad, its spill the tea!” Jack sometimes can’t handle how out of touch his dad is. Guess that’s what happens when you’re millions of years old.

“Oh right, what’s the difference?” Cas sighs, laying his head back against the headrest as if he’s exhausted, Jack knows it’s just for dramatic effect because Cas doesn’t sleep.

“Cas, there’s big difference! One is the nectar of the gods and the other is glorified leaf water.” Dean defends, holding Cas’ hand, it’s meant to be a private gesture, but Jack can see it and it makes his heart happy.

“Tea is good.” Sam tries.

“I rest my case.” Dean counterpoints.

The case is a rough one, it turns out to be a bit more than a simple salt and burn. The ghost, a family annihilator was coming from beyond the grave to try to kill his son who had survived his attack. They had split into two groups, Dean and Cas at the cemetery burning the bones and Jack and Sam with the victim, trying to keep him safe.

“Do you think maybe we can take a photo together in our shirts?” Jack asks offhandedly as he and Sam roam the house looking for any objects that might still tether the ghost to the house.

“Why do you care so much about these shirts and taking a photo together?” Sam asks curiously, making Jack pause to think for a moment.

“Because, I’ve been watching a bunch of shows and movies, and all the families in them, they have all these photos together. They make all these memories together and they display them in their houses for everyone to see. I want that. The fact that we don’t have that makes me kind of scared, like this isn’t real. Like you all are prepared to run at a moment’s notice if I go nuclear.” Jack explains, using air quotes around the word nuclear.

“Oh. Oh. Jack, hey, it’s not like that. I guess, well we’ve been so busy saving people and hunting things, we’ve lost track of normal family things. You’re family Jack. Promise.” Sam says right away, pulling Jack into a crushing hug. Sam is strong, Jack hopes to be that strong someday.

“Can we take a photo then, a family portrait?” Jack asks hopefully.

“Family portrait? Family portrait. Shit! Jack, the family portrait!” Sam gasps, letting Jack go and looking around the room with wild eyes.

“Huh?” Jack is trying to catch up before he spots the family portrait hanging above the fireplace, both the victim and his evil departed dad in the photo. He rushes to grab it off the wall and tosses it into the fireplace. Sam pulls out a container of salt and lighter fluid, coating the portrait, then Jack tosses a match, lighting it on fire.

“Good work kid.” Sam grins as the ghost appears and then bursts into flames. “I think you’ve earned that portrait.”

True to his word, the first thing in the morning, Sam helps Jack use the laptop to find the closest portrait studio. It happens to be a JC Penney portrait studio, making Dean groan and complain about cheesy backgrounds and awkward poses that they’d likely endure. With much coaxing and further threats from Cas to relegate Dean to sleeping with Miracle on the dog bed, he agrees to the photoshoot.

Jack gets several copies of the photos made. He hands out wallet sized copies to Mary and Eileen who both coo over how adorable they look. Cas gets it framed and hangs it in the library, Dean never admits he likes it, but Jack catches him stopping to look at it every day, a proud smile on his face.

This is Jack’s family. His team. His Cemetery Boys.

Some Thoughts On Aphobia

As a disclaimer, this entire post obviously comes from an allosexual queer and these experiences are only second-hand from my view of all of this. This blog is usually a fandom blog, but I felt like talking about this because it’s personal to me, and I think that with the exclusionism of aros and aces rampant in the LGBTQ+ community, I could shed some light on some things with this personal story.

So, I have three sisters. My oldest sister is as hetero as they come (but, a huge ally ofc) but my other older sister is bisexual and I am queer/sapphic. My little sister, well, I’ve personally had theories of her being AroAce for awhile, but I didn’t want to push labels onto her or tell her how to feel. In the end, no matter her sexuality, it’s no one’s place to make assumptions. It doesn’t affect me, as long as she’s happy. 

Recently though, my little sister kept asking me more and more questions about asexuality and aromanticism. She asked about the definitions, the flag colours, all of it. And more recently, she admitted to me that she thought she was AroAce.  I gave her my full support and I was proud of her and all that. I’m a protective big sister, what can I say. (and as an aside, I am aware of the statistical unlikelihood that 3 out of the 4 of my sisters are LGBTQ+ and we all find it hilarious tbh)

Now, here’s the thing. My entire family, though this story will particularly be about my mom, knows I’m queer. They know my older sister is bi. We’ve received nothing but support and acceptance. We went to Pride this year, they helped me get into an LGBTQ+ support group, all of the things. 

So imagine my surprise when my little sister comes out to my parents and my mom immediately shuts her down. She says my sister is too young and immature to make that decision, -mind you, I was 14 when I came out, she’s 16- she said my sister hasn’t found the right person and just doesn’t socialise with people enough to know, and best of all, my mother said that my little sister will get married someday and give her grandchildren.

Now, children having to give their parents grandchildren is a rant on its’ own, but we don’t need to get into it because it’s ridiculous to think that my mother, with four children, the oldest of whom is ENGAGED and has picked out names with her fiance for kids, won’t get grandchildren. But all that aside. 

But aphobia isn’t real, right? To reiterate, my mother supports me to death. But when my little sister comes out as AroAce, suddenly it’s an entirely different matter. I even pointed out the hypocrisy of it to my mother, because it would’ve been horrible of her to say to me I’ll get married to a man someday so she shouldn’t say it to my sister. Do you know what my mom’s response was?

“I just want her to be happy.”

Because that’s the thing with aphobia. We exist in a society where happiness is derived from being in a relationship. We talk about soulmates and other halves and the people that complete us. It’s a different brand of homophobia but derived from the same ideas. Rather than it being that marriage can only be between a man and a woman, it’s that marriage between two people is required for happiness. Sex is required for love, and romantic love is required for a happy life.

To be clear, I don’t hate my mom for this, and I do think she’ll come around. I understand it’s a lot to process, but that’s because we refuse to normalise it. There are LGBTQ+ people who won’t even accept Aros and Aces into the community and act like aphobia isn’t real or that it doesn’t hurt people. They act like I didn’t have to go from comforting my baby sister to screaming at my mother for making my sister come to me, devastated. And trust me when I say my sister was lucky. I know there are Aces and Aros who’ve had it so much worse.

I took my sister to my LGBTQ+ support group. It was nice and we both enjoyed ourselves. When we got back home the first thing she said to me was “You know, it was really nice to tell people I was AroAce and not have to explain what it means.”

My point in all of this to point out that aphobia is very real, and that Aros and Aces need to be accepted into the community. It’s the same thing, the same struggle. People like my sister deserve to feel at home somewhere, and they deserve to have the rest of the community rallying behind them and giving them the platform to help explain to cishets their sexuality so that my sister and others can be left the fuck alone. She doesn’t need sex or an “other half” to be a normal, happy person. No one does. 

So TLDR: if you say Aros and Aces aren’t a part of this community, you will die by my queer sword.  And obviously, my views and opinions on all of this are very limited, as I’m not Aro/Ace. So if any Aros and/or Aces want to add on with their personal experience/opinions. I’d love to hear them and I’ll read them all.

As most of you probably noticed, for the last week of Disability Pride Month, I had a Q&A on my stories about Disability Pride Month. This brought up a lot of interesting questions, that I want to address on a post. You can see the Q&A on my highlights if you're interested in reading more!

It doesn't matter how we support Disability Pride Month, as long as we do support it in some way. It's okay if you didn't start a protest or share every little thing you saw about Disability Pride Month, you can support it in any way that suits your abilities! Just because Disability Pride Month is coming to an end, we will not stop fighting until we have equal rights and don't have to feel grateful for an accessible bathroom!

Happy Disability Pride Month 2021!

#Accessibility ID: green background with white text reads "Disability Pride Month - a summary" with brown text reading "a summary of a week-long Question and Answer session about Disability Pride Month (DPM)" Below is an image of two people from the waist up.The first is wearing a khaki hijab and mustard jumper, and is doing sign language, the second has a short white bob and a red top, she has no arms.

What's one thing you wish others knew about disability?

This feels impossible to answer, because there isn't just one thing I wish others knew about disability. In my opinion, I feel it can mostly be summarised with "we do not have equality". I think most believe that because we have a law in place to protect us, we are treated equally, but this is not the case at all. You can check out my first post about Disability Pride Month or my blog "Why we need Disability Pride Month" for more information about the statistical inequalities. I was also asked "what law would you want to put in place for disabled people?" The law itself is in place in the UK (The Equality Act 2010) but it is not enough to protect disabled people because it's not easily punishable and is far too open to interpretation.

Do you know of any businesses / brands supporting Disability Pride Month?

When I was originally asked this, my answer was no. In stark contrast to the LGBTQ+ Pride Month that just finished, Disability Pride Month wasn't advertised and supported anywhere. But some of my fabulous followers have sent me a couple of brands who did do something: Pretty Little Thing, BPerfect Cosmetics and Innocent. I really admired the honesty of Innocent's post regarding Disability Pride Month and I urge you to check it out. Innocent acknowledged that they weren't originally aware of Disability Pride Month, but not only this, they also listed their flaws regarding disability equality and what they were doing to change these. This, to me, felt far more important than sticking the flag on a product without doing anything to support disabled people. But a tiny percentage of brands doing something is not enough, I mean come'on Ikea made LGBTQ+ Pride sofas - where's our sofa?!

What's one prejudice you have about Disability?

I loved this question, because it's so important to acknowledge that even disabled people can have an uncnoscious bias or prejudice surrounding disability - we're not perfect! For me, I need to work on my initial judgement of people who are not visibly disabled using disabled facilities. When I've been waiting for the accessible bathroom for ages, and a seeminly perfectly healthy person walks out, I do initially think to myself "they're not disabled, they're taking advantage of the facilities", same when I can't park because all the accessible parking spaces are taken up. I know that there are invisible disabilities, and without my mobility aids, I look perfectly healthy too so I know how frustrating it is to get the judgemental looks. I always correct my thoughts, and remind myself that they could be invisibly disabled, but in that moment of frustration, I definitley make a judgement based on the way they look. It's not right, and I'm working on changing that initial thought by correcting myself every time.

Should abled people be supporting Disability Pride Month?

Abso-bloomin-lutely! We need allies to support us with our fights, because the more people we have speaking up, the louder our voice will be. There are so very few disabled people who have big followings and/or big influence (which is an issue in itself) so we need more abled people to get behind us to help raise awareness and make change. We also know that 19% of working age adults in the UK have a disability which is around 1 in 5, so every abled person is going to know a lot of disabled people, whether they know it or not! As long as you're sharing the messages that disabled people want to be shared, please do support us.

What have I learned during Disability Pride Month?

I've been trying to educate myself more on the expereinces of disabled POC, as this is something I've been regrettably ignorant about. @ChronicallyBrown @DopeBlackDisabled @GirlsChronically_Rock on Instagram have been great resources for this, so give them a follow! I have learnt about the additional fears and discrimination disabled POC face, including the shockingly high statistics of black disabled people who have lost their lives to police brutality. This is something I would urge everyone to educate themselves on; we have been made more aware of racism since the BLM movement, yet we didn't hear as much about the intersectionality of disabled poc, and the discrimination they face.

1 : I disagree with the anon who thinks tae has a hard time dealing with his sexuality and jk does not. In the earlier years, tae said very conservative things but since a long time now, he has been the loudest supporter of lgbt of the entire group, answers harshly to delulu fangirls and even implied he wanted to sing his love christmas song only with a man because he chose to not release it when a big hit producer made him sang with adora instead of jimin.

Disclaimer - please keep in mind the below is our opinion / theory on the topic at hand. The timeline is separate from asks and we strive to remain credible, and driven by facts, there. In asks we more freely theorize. Thank you!

Sara: These are my rough thoughts as of 9th of November 2020. General Disclaimer - I could easily change my mind about anything that I say that isn’t included in the actual Timeline due to the extreme level of insight or subjectiveness that asks usually require which can only be answered with opinions in development and insufficient pondering / research. Well, this turned into a discussion which is good :) I do agree that Jk also struggles with his identity and is afraid to be outed without being prepared, which is natural. This would fall in line with him saying he didn’t want “a kiss from a boy” as he panicked in his coming of age day back in 2016 when he already knew he liked Tae (the famous day joon called for tae to kiss him). Mind you, on that same trip Tae said it was weird to hold a man's hand in public when he saw JK and hobi holding hands in the streets of Europe. I don’t think Tae said that due to jealousy. I think it was his internalized homophobia speaking (meaning self-rejecting feelings that are so common within lgbtq individuals where they are affected by what society considers correct. That’s where self-hate comes from). Both Jk and Tae deal with internalized homophobia and they’ll probably deal with it their entire lives to some extent, because it doesn’t necessarily disappear in its entirety even if you come out and “accept” yourself, especially if you live in a conservative environment. I can tell they’ve both come a long way though and they are much more comfortable in their own skin. It’s beautiful how Tae has embraced gay culture and clearly feels part of the lgbtq community. I think Tae seeks for belonging while Jk is much more “independent” and I personally think the idea of “a community” doesn’t resonate with him as much. I don’t know if it’s due to him being a huge introvert or what but not every non-straight person needs to be immersed in the gay scene. There was a time that Jk repeatedly mentioned Troye Sivan as his top 3 favorite singer (while he was self-discovering), recommended “memo” by years & years, etc, and we don’t know what he enjoys in his private life so...at least we know he did find solace in gay public figures during an important period of his life. I love Tae being sassy and shutting down fan’s fantasies, but Jk playing along is innocent and his way of being “friendly”. Jk is the opposite of what toxic masculinity looks like so I don’t see him going out of his way to look straight. He does whatever he wants. He uses women’s perfume, unironically fixed his long hair up into 2 cute ponytails while eating out, enjoys cosmetics and does his own makeup, owns pink items, etc. I’m just saying he doesn’t have a fragile masculinity. Saying bro is just for laughs and to sound cool and american. Him saying he didn’t think he could fall for a guy was a joke to overly compliment hobi while not outing himself. It’s not that serious. He didn’t have the need to joke about crushing on hobi, but he did so VOLUNTARILY. To me it seems like he is pretty comfortable with himself as of now, but remember they are closeted and in a delicate situation.

Kayla - hi anon! The beauty of discussions is each is entitled to their opinion. Respectful discussions are fun - thanks for being kind in your ask☺️I personally think Jk referencing “I’m still me” then taking the time to draw it in artwork speaks volumes. It was around the time Joon recommended a song from the movie and it’s a famous quote so to me, that’s not a coincidence, though you’re entitled to discard it if you wish. I also think we need to consider the context of Jk calling Tae bro - an interview in which he looked at his lips at one point, and caressed his back as he said that word. Those two were pretty affectionate through the overall interview. For some, the bro comment is proof TK aren’t together. For me, context is critical. That moment never dissuaded me on them being “real”. I know some will disagree on that so please know that’s simply my interpretation of that moment. Plus my UK friend said soon after that moment she calls her partner “bro” jokingly so I second Sara it may be as simple as that in why Jk said it. As far as the Hobi comment, I feel like that statement alone shows Jk is part of the lgbtq community. He flat out is saying he fell for a man … and I anticipate one would argue he’s joking but, for me, there’s truth in jest. He didn’t have to say that comment yet he did. I just want to leave it as I don’t agree Jk wants to come off straight at all. I mean don’t forget this is the same guy who also said grapes were more interesting than the girls at the shoot...and this was in his teenage years so🤷🏻‍♀️some may say he was just nervous around the women and that is, of course, totally okay if they interpret it that way. I just view that comment differently. And he’s wearing genderless clothes this year (2020) and changed the lyrics of “savage love” to be genderless, so he shows support, it’s just not in a bold way like Tae. He’s worn a paper clip earring and suppprted lgbtq artists so he does acknowledge the community. I think it just comes down to some people place greater weight on others knowing their identity.

I think Tae wants people to know, hence why he’s expressed loud support in various ways, whereas Jk doesn’t really feel like he needs to address it. My take is Jk genuinely just doesn’t care how people perceive him, and that’s why he isn’t as vocal as Tae, who seems to indicate he really wants people to know his identity. Jk is fortunate to have a progressive family (an example being during his vlive he said, “Anyway, my parents were like that. When I was young, no matter what I did, they let me be and do whatever I wanted to do”), he has loving and supporting members - that support system must have helped greatly as he went through his exploration and struggles. He absolutely struggled, and I agree on that, but I think it was easier for him in some ways because of his environment / support system, and who he is personality wise. Jk is a man of action, not as bothered by the opinion of others (again, we can look to his tattoos as a big indicator of this) whereas Tae seeks validation, even this year, from ARMY. Him saying during pride month, after reading the CMBYN monologue “I want to be happy too🥺” to me shows he still struggled with public perception. Personally, based on private talks I don’t want to get into too deeply in this public setting, I think Tae came more to peace with himself this year. But I do personally think Tae had a harder time coming to terms than Jk did (and has alluded as much when he’s mentioned his struggles with school and puberty, plus some of his solo work). Let me be clear, both struggled, and as Sara says both dealt with internalized homophobia, and I don’t think anyone would disagree with that, but Tae’s overall loudness, for me, shows he wants people to know. That’s why he’s loud. Jk not being loud doesn’t mean, to me, he wants to come off straight. Jk has done an amazing job over the years of smashing others’ preconceived masculinity beliefs and he does it comfortably. For me, it shows he’s just not bothered as much by public perception. He is who he is and it doesn’t matter what people see or think. I’ll agree that Tae definitely is the most vocal member, and seeing him happier and appearing at peace makes me happy, and I definitely don’t think he has any issue with people speculating. I really think it’s important to him for us to know, and i think he wants us to know. As an aside, I know I’m just a fan but I'm super happy for Tae seeming to be more accepting of himself. I know a lot of people, including myself, are touched by him, as well as the other members, for the various ways they’ve shown support to the LGBTQ community.

PS - thanks again for being respectful in initiating further discussions on this topic Anon💜sometimes checking the inbox makes me anxious so I immensely appreciate when people can hold a respectful and kind debate on various topics.

Stand Up To Bullies

As I read about the experiences of other lgbtq people and their childhoods, I can’t help but reflect on my own.

I never thought that I was bullied. When I hear the word “bully” I think about the teasing and physical violence that I’ve witnessed happen to others, but when I hear about the experiences of other queer people, it dawns on me. I was bullied. I was oppressed, and because of that oppression I began to oppress myself - making me blind to the bullying.

I remember very clearly one morning in the fourth grade. I was playing on the playground with everyone else - laughing, just being a kid - and a kid who I had never seen before looked at me and blurted, “you’re a girl!” A fire raged in me. My happiness was taken from me in a second and I was left with anger. In that same second, I pulled down the zipper of my pants and said to the kid, “you wanna see, motherfucker!?” I was never afraid to fight back.

That kid never looked at me twice. He went about playing as if I didn’t exist, as if his attack on me was nothing, but it wasn’t nothing. After that I questioned how I presented myself. I wondered if people thought I was a girl. Was I different? Is that how I was viewed by others? Did I not fit in? After that, I don’t think I stepped onto the playground again. I don’t think I was ever “just a kid playing” again. From then on I questioned myself. I questioned others and devised ways to protect myself from them.

This is a moment in every queer person’s life where they begin to build a closet around themselves. The painful thing is that, yes, we build it. We put ourselves in there, but it’s not by our own will. It’s because it’s the only way we can protect ourselves. It’s the only way we feel like we can survive. So we close that door on ourselves.

There were many instances that jump out at me from my childhood where I was bullied - like being asked why I hang out with girls. My thought was, “I hang out with girls because the other option is you.” Why would I choose to be friends with my oppressor? Toxic masculinity constantly plagued me. The word “faggot” was used so loosely and thoughtlessly. Inevitably causing me to have negative associations with having any feminine qualities - something that I couldn’t control no matter how hard I tried. Even though that word was being thrown at others and I wasn’t directly being bullied, it was hurting me just as deeply or more so.

So I hid from myself to the point to where I didn’t know my identity at all. As many queer people, I spent my childhood and teens being confused and ultimately hating myself. This contributed to severe anxiety and depression that until now I wasn’t willing to admit. It was a very lonely way to live because, as we use the closet to protect ourselves, we’re in there alone - living in solitary confinement for crimes that we haven’t committed.

I didn’t find my identity until adulthood. Even through college I struggled. I thought that I was finally free until a toxic relationship sent me back into a downward spiral that led me to find comfort in alcohol, and in one of the darkest nights of my life, a bottle of pills.

I found my way out of that darkness, and it was never my fault that I was ever in that place. I know that now. I’m almost 30 years old, and I know that now. I finally know who I am and I’m proud of that, but I still don’t feel free. I still don’t feel safe. There are still bullies out there attacking queer people on a daily basis.

I often question how I dress or act based on where I am or who I’m with to avoid standing out too much and that same feeling I had as a kid returns. Then I feel guilt and shame because I fought so hard and so long to be where I am today. I DESERVE MY PRIDE.

I hope the day comes soon where the attacks stop and we have peace and equality, but until then - bring it on, bullies. I’ve never been afraid to fight back.

#personal

I was invited the other day to join a community as a Creative Advisor from a survey I filled out for Adobe.  I made the choice last November to purchase Creative Cloud for an entire year at a discount.  When I worked at an art school I had all those applications free.  Anybody in the arts community will tell you that software is expensive.  I don’t necessarily feel too connected to the local arts community these days.  But being a Creative Advisor basically means I participate in focus groups and offer my opinions in writing.  It’s a not a bad way to stay active as a creator.  I bought a drone basically so I had 4k footage to mess around with in Premiere.  I am a YouTube Creator by definition.  Yesterday after posting a video of the stream there was another survey in the right hand corner.  I cautiously opened it and read through it.  It was an inclusion survey.  YouTube wanted information to help with their community.  The first question was what race I identify as.  I can’t really argue I’m not white.  The next question was if I identified as part of the LGBTQ community.  I don’t so I answered no.  The third question was what gender I identified as.  I said male because I’m cis.  I completed the survey and went on about my business.  A few minutes later another popup asked me how satisfied I was with the YouTube community after all this.  I answered Very Satisfied and closed the window.  I’m also part of a larger community here in Chicago.  This can be drilled down so far that you can find yourself standing in a lonely circle with a thousand fingers pointed back at you.  My immediate neighbors identify.  I wouldn’t know what specifically or why so I don’t ever really pry.  I live on a pretty diverse property when it comes to tenants.  That expands into a pretty diverse neighborhood with a pretty diverse set of issues when it comes to power sharing.  I live the mad max sort of mentality these days.  Think more Fury Road than Road Warrior.  Where he helps out then silently fades away to focus on his own car wreck of a life.  One winter while shoveling snow I discovered somebody had written something in front of one of my neighbor’s doorstep.  It said “gay people live here.”  I processed it, shrugged and shoveled it away.  I couldn’t tell if my landlord was supposed to discover it, if my neighbors actually wrote it, or if it was somebody being hateful.  I made a judgement call on the account of safety and made a mental note of it then made it disappear.  I cared enough to think about it no matter how much this entire process exhausts me.  People join communities for connection.  People seek out authentic communities for safety, pride and respect.  And people in America should be able to do this freely without being exploited, judged, watched, or compared.  Communities overlap and the geopolitics therein get a little tricky.  When you live in a city with so many different influences, cultures, and hang ups the fog of the ideological war muddles up everyone’s intentions.  I think we retreat to the sanctity of our own communities because they understand the narrative and context best.  I’ve been welcomed into many communities that aren’t my own.  But my circle is pretty small these days.  Mostly because for all the care and attention I apply to the concept of community, I’m often left out to fend for myself here in my bachelor Castle of Doom.  Communities do consolidate power for better or for worse.  Just like rich people hoard money and dodge taxes.  Communities have their own cultural queues and signifiers.  Communities in America have increasingly become more like tribes in the economic desert.  Impenetrable communes at war with myopic definitions and hidden rules that are meant to keep people out for resource sake.  So much so that the Road Warrior doesn’t seem like science fiction to me from personal experience.  

It was the great poet Lord Humungus who may have set it best.  Just walk away.  Safe passage in the wasteland they said.  Be your own boss.  Own your sexuality and answer for your horny crimes.  Shit, I don’t even know where to begin when it comes to where I belong in all of this.  For me things have become equally obfuscated and easy to understand at the same time.  I’m more of an anarchist these days than I would like to admit.  I don’t really want to be on Tucker Carlson’s radar.  Simply because everyone is looking for something to label you as so they can pass an easier judgement on you.  People want you to identify so they can fit you into whatever conversational hole they wish to project at you.  I run into my neighbors all the time.  I treat people like people.  Simply because I’ve been treated enough like shit to know I don’t want anyone else to experience that.  I don’t really want revenge.  I want all this nonsense to stop getting in the way of my pursuit of life, liberty and happiness.  And the constant arguing and debate team every step of the way is troubling.  It’s people with a beaten down sense of self confidence proving themselves in the arena of mob rule.  For all the chest beating online on twitter or facebook people are kind of shook in the streets.  It is a winner take all mentality.  And even the more valid sides of the fight have taken to dirty tactics leaving some of us in the middle of an absolute shit show.  Par for the course if you ask me.  There are plenty of opportunities to be the hero these days.  Not many to be acknowledged as one.  You can be you and still support people that think differently.  I had a dream about guns last night.  I don’t own a gun.  That’s not the right choice for a person like me.  It doesn’t mean I can make a sweeping generalization for the rest of America.  Neither do I actually care to.  I’m cis.  I don’t spend my time psychoanalyzing or judging gender or sexuality other than my own biases towards it.  This is to treat people better and learn respectful communication.  Communication is a two way street.  And some communication is blocked, obfuscated or hidden for it’s own protection.  It can also be self serving.  Some of my closest friends are behind infinite onion layers of identities.  Layers of firewalls that I pirouette through like a whirling dervish just to show I still care deeply.  We take the time to show love.  We take the time to understand the obstacles.  And we have patience to understand that we have to sacrifice things sometimes for the sake of change.  Make no mistake the way I see things on my own is fucked.  I am part of a community here on Tumblr.  A much wider community.  There are times when I don’t fit in.  When it’s not about me or you or whoever behind the screen.  It’s what we connect to and how we learn to respect each other as human beings first.  Not as names.  Or fame.  Who we really are behind all of this doesn’t really matter as much as the content and ideas we share.  Community has it’s own memory and it’s own duty to hold things sacred.  Some larger communities do a totally shitty job of understanding the needs of their ideological neighbors.  And passion, pride, and lack of patience can burn bridges more quickly than building them.  There are times when you realize you are part of a community that doesn’t honor your identity at the core.  Sometimes it’s worse.  You find you aren’t welcome in a community for whatever reason.  If you are an abuser this is a safety issue and not really up for argument or discussion.  But sometimes its far less deserving.  And it’s a game of musical chairs to understand where you fit in and where you aren’t welcome.  For me I’m part Swedish and also a minimalist in nature.  Just look at Ikea and my habit of rearranging furniture.  I grew more inward this year in terms of who I trust.  Now it’s just me and a small percentage of screen names that might be owned by the same person or people.  I identify them as my closest friends.  

The thing about community I’ve learned over the years is that it can always be infiltrated.  Trust can always be broken.  We find we don’t belong to the bigger picture because motives are out of place.  We long to just be normal and accepted for that.  It’s exhausting to have to identify every time you walk out the door.  I identify as human.  Mostly I identify as Tim.  Freedom in America is best summed up by a quote by my favorite person in the world.  She’s from China.  She said once she loved New York because it was the only place where she felt free to cry in public without anybody prying into why.  I’m paraphrasing.  But that shit has stuck with me like a knife for years.  That isn’t what America is about right now.  It’s almost like it’s looking for victims.  Looking for signs of weakness to trick into a confidence game.  It’s a setup on every corner.  A prank waiting to happen.  A constant obstacle to your main quest.  And this isn’t what America is about.  At least not the way I live it.  I don’t think I solve the situation with more policing.  I don’t think I solve it by doing anything other than continuing to live free. The challenge here in America is constantly evolving as it is around the world.  America’s idea of free isn’t always well thought out.  It’s riddled with paradoxes.  And yet this is all I really have.  I’ve seen enough people stalking me in the streets with shirts emblazoned with messages.  Freedom isn’t free.  Penetrate the world.  Blue lives matter.  Make seven up yours.  I’ve made statements too and found myself more and more alone.  And then I’ve started to realize geographically what’s worth fighting for.  I’m tied to an address.  That’s the address where the government sends my ballots and rejects my state taxes at.  That’s the address where the utilities are in my name and I pay my rent on time.  Sometimes even a month ahead.  I’m fiscally responsible for once in my life.  I’ve conquered years of societal glue that held me to mediocre and half assed standards.  I’m a diamond in the rough except I’m not really all the rough.  I’ve stood up for people who aren’t like me so much that I feel more isolated and weird every day.  And I learn that sometimes it’s better to shy away from places where you aren’t welcome than to make a scene.  I am stuck in my little hole here.  If the answer were getting out there and networking, I’d ask people to look at my passport.  It’s not good enough for the state to acknowledge as proof of my identity.  But I spent a lot of money going back and forth to Asia trying to do just that.  And I paid off all that debt awhile ago.  I know the world is bigger than me.  And I believe sometimes people think they’ve travelled the world in their computer.  They’re the authority on everything.  And here is the problem with freedom in America.  The authority isn’t always right.  This is why we seek out communities.  For democracy.  For peer review.  To have our narrative understood and respected.  And we need communities to be more about democracy and less about autocratic reactions to a zero sum game.  I think it’s okay to not be part of something you don’t belong.  And I also think it’s okay to respect people’s wishes to seek out where they do.  But we have to learn to live together in America despite of this.  And well this would require us as Americans to really look the beast in the eye.  And doing that alone is scary.  I should know.  I do it every day.  So much so that I’m literally not fucking around with much of anything other than what’s easy enough to read.  Even when it’s easy to read it doesn’t mean it’s done in earnest.  I can only really worry about the things I hold intimate and secret.  The creative culture I’ve salvaged with my bare hands.  I really don’t care if you don’t get who I am.  But I want you to know I care about the world being free.  At least for the people I care about.  If you ever catch yourself crying in public just remember I’m right there over your shoulder cheering you on.  I’ll fight for your right to cry about it and scare off anybody who interferes.  That’s just who I am and nobody will know or even acknowledge me by name.  Sometimes I do feel like a ghost.  I’m not trying to walk through walls people set up for protection.  But I will break down the barriers people put up to keep us from living together.  <3 Tim

A Few Tommy Shelby Headcanons

why did i decide to make this? good ass question cause idk myself

S F W:

- OK just to start it off, hes probably bisexual

- hear me out okay

- the dude has varied taste in women, obviously. the only distinct traits i could find between them all were short hair and formless figures. this doesn't necessarily mean that he's bisexual, but at the time there was a lot of social stigma around anything that wasn't heterosexual and so I'm fairly certain whatever attraction to men he has has been pushed down

- and pansexual is also very possible but i'd think that he'd get a little confused with gender fluidity or something like that and historically that sort of thing wasn't not all that prominent, especially in England in the 1930s where racism was still a normal thing

- what he probably does is that anytime he sees that a man is like relatively attractive his brain auto-corrects into harsh criticism and sudden scorn for the person for like no reason to cope with his gay feelings

- so you already know he's a stubborn baby man

- he doesn't admit a lot of things, like that he thinks you look nice or that he's happy to see you because his pride gets in the way a lot of the time

- the only time he really does admit anything outwardly is behind closed doors when you're both probably in bed and relaxed, not really thinking of anything. you'd probably hear him say something along the lines of “im a lucky man” or “dont leave me like the rest of them did”

- yeah, his self confidence is extremely low. of course he knows that he's a damn good businessman and a great leader, but he has doubts more often than not that cause him to loose sight of himself

- usually he drinks when this sort of thing happens because he can't help but feel ashamed to admit his feeling. it's a coping mechanism that he uses for pretty much everything, really

- he can't talk about himself very openly, so you'll either have to sit down and drink with him or urge him to speak about what's on his mind because that shit ain't healthy in more ways than one. (you personally can probably think of a million different solutions, those just seem like the most likely)

- speaking of which, he doesn't sleep much either. he can function on barely any sleep at all, but the issue is that before having to get into bed with someone he probably ends up falling asleep at his desk or on a couch or something. he's not sure how the blanket got there while he was sleeping, but he appreciates it regardless

- tommy probably enjoys someone who's confident in themselves or at least carries and air of being confident. people that he's pretty sure could stomp him into oblivion are hot, he can't help it. of course he also likes people who are the quiet type of scary as well. he can't ever figure out what's going on in their head, and it creates a sense of comfort in ignorance but unease in it as well

- i will elaborate on his secret masochism in my nsfw headcanons that i might make later (maybe idk yet)

- his favorite thing to do in his past time is read, honestly. it's a good way to detach from business and a good way to spend time with someone

- he probably likes historical fiction the most. maybe horror too, but he likes all things history. especially if they're about the Great War because honestly he wants to point out the flaws in some of the accounts he was part of

- if it's fine with you he'd rather just read and sleep all day or maybe bake something together if you've got enough time

- he gets frustrated with things that waste his time though so you'll have to probably do it on your own while he grumbles and watches

- if you were any sort of lgbtq+, he'd be that much more protective of you. same goes if you're a woman because in his mind woman=weaker. it's not necessarily true, but he feels an obligation to be protective of a woman. you're probably much stronger than him or at least seem like it, so not unless you tell him to stop treating you like a piece of glass he'll keep an arm around you at all times. a man he'd probably feel less protective of honestly just because he respects pride and dignity, but that doesn't mean he doesn't let up on the protection

- man or woman or anything like that, once you mean something to him you're going to have his boys’ eyes on you everywhere. it's a dangerous life he leads, and while he doesn't really want you to be involved in it to the point of keeping you in constant danger, it can't really be helped. expect to be kept under close inspection within his area and slightly closer inspection out of it

- is very hesitant to let you become a part of business affairs. even being at the meetings makes you a witness, therefore if one of the lower members snitches you might be in danger if your name is spilled. it's very unlikely he'll try to get you into business affairs unless you're trained and well-educated in that sort of thing

- this includes accounting, contract knowledge, and maybe even basic law knowledge amongst other things

- he may want you to come along for business events like parties or something, but if you're after grace there's close to no chance that he's introducing you as his significant other or bringing you at all. if you do come along though, he may introduce you as a whore. if you're a dude though you'll just be a friend coming along with him

- speaking of which, he has really bad PTSD. from the multiple things that's have happened to lead him to the present, it's not unlikely that he'll wake up with frequent nightmares and be triggered by things such as loud noises that are too sudden or someone screaming because they're in pain or something like that. and after the whole grace incident combined with john’s death he's probably even more of a mess

- this of course leads him to drinking quite often. it's no time unlikely for him to get intoxicated nearly every day of the week, and often times he doesn't say a word about it during and after. in fact, now that he has you around he's even more adamant to not talk about it. but he can't really help but talk once he feels safe doing so

- what if you leave him? would you have doubts because he's mentally damaged? what would happen if you did leave? these questions cause anxiety obviously

- but tommy has always paid attention to the little things. for instance, if you see him drunk and happen to sit next to him quietly while talking about something that has nothing to do with it, he'll definitely remember it the next day. the fact that it takes his mind off of whatever he's mourning about is something he really appreciates because he knows he wouldn't be able to do it himself

- he's never been one to have loose lips, but when he's intoxicated he may or may not just spill to you right there. you could be saying something like “- and then she knocked him the fuck out. It wasn't weird to watch cause she-” and he’ll just look you dead in the eye and say “I thought about France again today.”

- it's very likely you'll hear about his past lovers more than once and honestly Tommy is hesitant to talk about it. he may be insensitive sometimes but he's not an idiot, so he knows it may make you uncomfortable

- just listening to him makes all the difference to him. he hasn't felt like someone cared about what he's had to say without being a Shelby for a long time, and you just caring enough to sit and hear what he says means more than any big success in the business or good news from some merchant overseas

- he, in turn, is very good at listening. in fact, he's so good at it that all of that skill got drained from giving advice cause he's horrible at that. his way of handling things isn't great so when he tells you to shoot the guy at work who’s been bothering you in the hand as a “warning”  to the others, don't do it cause

- ok now for random headcanons that are not deep and depressing

- probably likes animals, but honestly if he had to keep one in the house he'd prefer a cat just because they're less strenuous and take less effort to handle. while he's not working he'd like one of them curled up in his lap and purring as he keep some one hand on the pen and the other on it’s head. he'd probably name the cat “Mitten” or “Button” ok let's all be honest with ourselves

- lowkey loves to wear your sweaters or something like that. he'll definitely deny any claims suggesting so, but you know damn we'll he still stealing your clothes whenever he can, feminine or masculine. honestly just having it feel like you're around him all the time by simply wearing your clothes makes him feel really comfortable, especially if you're bigger than him or wear clothes that are bigger than him. it makes him feel safe

- probably also likes it when you in turn wear his clothes. he won't say it out loud but he likes it when he notices that his shirt is missing only to see you groggily fixing yourself coffee/tee/literally anything else in it at like 8AM in the kitchen

- likes the color blue a lot, but red looks really nice on people in formal clothes. if you show up in a red dress or suit or whatever he's definitely going to be fucking you on the table later and that's just the facts

- he gets jealous very easily but never says anything about it. you can tell because he suddenly gets about 10x clingier and literally holds you close to him at all times to make a point. may also stare down anyone that looks in your general direction for good measure

- he gives his s/o flowers all the time, whether he's in person or not. he likes to pamper you to the point where you look like a monarch, but like alfie he fully understands if you're more simplistic and prefer to stay low-profile cause he does too

- guns are sexy and if you can use one or any other weapon that's hot and that's all i'm gonna say about that

- physical appearance doesn't matter to him all that much, but his favorite part of the human body is probably the hands. he likes to see hands that have been through some shit, like scars on them and maybe a little dirt or something from work

- he's always been fascinated by writers and people who can create something from nothing. in fact that sortof imagination is always something's he’s envied and wanted for himself, but he's not hopeless at it. he's very good at making up stories and detecting flaws in plot or logic in the storyline. so if you ever need someone to proof-read for something you missed he's the guy to go to. also he knows publishers all over so if you're having trouble he can hook you up with someone to get your stuff known

- kindof emotionally closed off but he can't help but want to talk when you're around. you're inviting in more ways than one, so he eventually ends up spilling no matter what's wrong

- once it's been established that you're close, the whole family may or may not watch you closely for several weeks trying to figure out whether you're good enough or not. arthur will most likely watch you from afar and give you death glares as a warning and john will defenitely flirt with you to see if you're going to cheat on his brother. finn is probably going to try to make friends with you, but aunt polly will interrogate you because that's what she does. ada will try to get the most information on you from everywhere she can and so and so forth until they finally decide that if tommy picked you you can't be all that bad

- they warm up to you quickly, to put it simply, but tommy will most likely have to shoo them off

- in conclusion, tommy shelby isn't an easy lover, but it's worth the struggle at the end of the day. it's been a while since he's felt someone cared about him, and regardless of the circumstance you bet your ass that once he's grown fond of you there's little to no getting out of it by that point. you're his lifeline, his world, and he plans to grow old with you or at least keep you next to him until he withers away and dies

Top ten (11) Bi/Pan characters Part 1

Happy Pride Month! I was talking to someone about representation in media and it got me thinking about my favorite bisexual characters, so I thought I’d make this list. I’m only including canonically bisexual/pan characters that have been shown to be romantically interested in or sexually interested in both genders or non-binary people, so no characters that are shipped as bi; I’m mostly having this rule because having actual representation really matters. I’ll also do my best to not include problematic characters/media, I don’t want to include villains  or shows that are fond of killing off under represented groups. I know some characters its hard to tell what sexuality they are, as it isn’t always explicitly stated; but I went with characters that clearly are shown as not being completely straight or completely homosexual, sexuality is a spectrum and being mostly into one or the other still counts. I actually realized after making this that I had 11 characters, so oops.

11. Quentin Coldwater (The Magicians)

(Spoilers for seasons 1-4 of the Magicians) Quentin was a character that I wasn’t all that fond of at the beginning of the series because he had a lot of that blank slate main character stuff going on, but as the show went on he really grew on me and showed who he was. I’m guessing in the book he’s more fleshed out at the beginning because you know more about what’s going on in his head, so I’m guessing translating that to a t.v. series made him seem less interesting at first. My favorite moments with him are when he uses his intelligence and creativity to solve problems, and when he gets sick of someone’s shit and tells them they are being an ass. He’s clearly shown as having romantic and sexual interest in both genders, and while he did hurt some feelings by doing it; he was clearly very remorseful and very much regretted it. He also much later asks Eliot to be in a relationship with him after they live a whole life time together, which is about as romantic as you can get.

10. Rosa Diaz (Brooklyn 99)

I know we are all on a cop bashing spree lately (A very justified one, don’t get me wrong), but this is a fictional character in an alternate reality where most cops are actually trying to help people, and I wouldn’t consider the show to be cop propaganda because they show cops being racist, negligent, and incompetent as well, so I don’t think its fair to hate a show because of what is going on in real life when the show isn’t preaching anything harmful. Rosa is smart, funny, caring, and a total badass; I’ve always loved badass female characters in leather jackets. She has her anger issues, and issues socializing with people, but she still cares deeply for her friends and does her best to always do the right thing. Her struggle to deal with her sexuality and coming out to her friends and family, and the show does it in a very grounded and mature way. Her parents struggling to accept her was very sad to see, but also a sad reality for many people; and I loved that they acknowledge that even now we struggle to be accepted. Her friends are all very understanding and do everything to help her understand that they love and accept her and her having an openly gay captain to look up to is a cool bonus.

9. Harley Quinn (D.C. Comics)

Now I said I wouldn’t include any villains so this is kind of cheating, but she is an anti-hero in some versions, and the picture I used was specifically from the video game Injustice 2 where she is a member of the Justice League and a reformed villain so I don’t think its completely fair to just say she’s a villain. Her first relationship was horrible and incredibly toxic, but she learned and grew from that experience and moved on to other romantic interests like Poison Ivy and a few others. She’s had a few partners in different versions of the comics/ t.v. shows/ films/ video games,  some more healthy than others; but she is constantly learning and growing as a person. I love her fun and playful personality, most of her outfits, her crazy weapons, and her hyenas Bud and Lou. The version of her from the Injustice games and comics is my favorite because of her outfit, her character growth, and how well they write her character.

8. Iron Bull (Dragon Age: Inquisition)

Iron Bull is one of my favorite companions in any Dragon Age game, he’s such a fun character. He’s charming, honest, caring, and both literally and metaphorically a giant badass. His upbringing and culture are very different than the other races, and sexuality to him isn’t really about the gender of his partner and that kind of thing just isn’t a big deal to him. You have the option to just have sex with him or become romantically involved with him in the game, but even if you don’t he still brings up how he feels about that kind of thing; so his sexually is still cannon even if you don’t do anything with him. I didn’t put Liara from the Mass Effect games on here because while I’ve only played the first two, I haven’t seen any evidence that outside of the player character she is interested in people romantically or sexually; and also her species seems to be gender fluid and the whole thing is just too complicated for me to try and figure out at 1:30 in the morning. Iron Bull is a very interesting character in the game, and early on you make a choice that changes his personality and it is interesting to see the differences that decision has on him. He’s also voiced by Freddie Prinze Jr. which blew me away, because I could not tell based on how he sounds in game.

7. Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer)

While I am familiar withe the D.C./ Vertigo comics that he is in I have not read all of them, so I am going with the very not blonde t.v. version of the character. Lucifer is a charming and charismatic man-child in the show, and loves having fun; which makes the character a lot of fun to watch. He also isn’t breaking my no villains rule because he is the main protagonist of the show, and while he has done some bad things; he and the show make a explicit point about how much he hates that people assume he is evil because his dad forced him to rule over hell. He flirts with and defiantly has many sexual partners of male and female, and even makes jokes like “What? Its called a devil’s threesome for a reason.” Another reason that I picked the t.v. show version is because Tom Ellis’s portrayal of Lucifer just oozes sexuality and charm. Lucifer has a lot of issues that make him into the character that he is, but he tries his best to do the right thing; and does genuinely care about his friends and family; and feels remorse when he does things that hurt them. For a character that is assumed to be evil by most people, he has a very vocal sense of justice, and has no qualms about delivering what he considers to be justice.

6. Sara Lance (Arrow/ Legends of Tomorrow)

Sara is strong, beautiful, and has a strong sense of justice. I love her white costumes, and how she just bounces around time seducing people; she’s a female Jack Harkness in that aspect. She is another character deeply devoted to her friends and family, and while she has made mistakes, she definitely learned from them. I also love how she’s a female character that they actually show as muscular. (Spoilers to follow for both shows) She struggles to not give in to her assassin training at times, but she has gotten much better at it. I try not to include characters from fiction where they kill LGBTQ+ characters, but she doesn’t stay dead so I really don’t think that it counts. She is shown as having both male and female sexual and romantic partners, and I love her current relationship in the show. Caity Lotz says she has had conversations with the writers about the character’s sexuality, and if she’s still bisexual if they mostly show her with women, and Caity had to explain that Sara is always bi, no matter who she is with; which I definitely think is an issue that comes up when dealing with writing a bisexual character, because some people just don’t seem to understand.