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trvelyans-archive · 5 years

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this is not how celandine expected her night to go.

well, she probably should have expected their date to hold many surprises when hawke pulled up to her estate in a clunky cream-coloured van with a faded mabari painting on the driver's side door. he was dressed better than his car looked, however, in a beige tweed suit jacket with a navy blue and gold striped tie, an outfit entirely unsuspicious to the guard detail at the gate. though the fact he looked handsome wasn’t a surprise to her.

he met her at the door, smiling widely, his face bare and freshly shaven and his normally unkempt curls swept away from his forehead to reveal a warm stretched of tanned, slightly wrinkled skin.

"good evening, lady trevelyan," he greeted with a genuine smile and a faux orlesian accent, holding his arm out for her to take. "you look stunning, as per usual."

she rolled her eyes, pretending not to be pleased that he had noticed the calf-length navy blue dress she wore specifically because it matched the blue of his tie. (which wasn't unexpected on her behalf, since she asked him to send her a picture of what he was wearing on their date earlier that day for this reason.)

"now," he said after clearing his throat, dropping the accent, "where exactly am i taking you? because i tried to look the restaurant up, but..."

"you wouldn't be able to find it," she informed him matter-of-factly, giving a curt wave to cullen's second security detail on the lawn as she stood aside to let hawke open the passenger side door. "i didn't give you the orlesian name for it."

"ah. i see." she slid into the car and pulled her purse onto her lap as he ducked his head inside to look at her. "you wanted to keep it a mystery, then?"

"maybe," she replied, a small smile playing on her lips.

he returned the gesture. "good tactic," he said quietly. "a little bit of mystery is pretty sexy. though..." he made a conscious effort to look her up and down. "i doubt you could get any sexier."

the door closed and he sauntered around to the other with a wink, leaving her alone in his car, thankful for the darkness that hid her furious blush.

it smelt faintly of alcohol and wet dog in the van, with an underlying smell of hawke's peppery cologne beneath it that only grew stronger as celandine turned around to look in the backseat. there was a black and white crochet blanket thrown over the patchy brown leather cushions, and a guitar case studded with stickers nested on a pile of empty water bottles with labels faded and peeling away. a few of them rolled onto the floor as the car jostled when hawke climbed in beside her.

"you're going to have to give me directions," he said as the car started. "it's a fancy place, right?"

"yes," she responded, glancing out the window as he buckled himself in, smiling to herself. "you wouldn't know it."

"ouch," hawke said in a voice that lacked any sort of pain. "you've really hurt my feelings, there, celandine."

"will it help you feel better if i pay?" she asked.

he snorted a laugh as the car pulled away from the curb. "oh, i thought it was sort of unspoken that you were paying anyway," he said. "after all, i am providing transportation, free of charge."

"so selfless," she murmured in an awestruck voice. "though you should be paying me for making me sit in this heap of -"

"don't you dare diss this car," hawke interrupted, though she could hear the amusement in his voice. "he's been with me through too much for that. you'd hurt his feelings."

"fine," she replied. "but only because you asked nicely."

he shook his head but chuckled anyway, trying not to look too much like he was enjoying himself as they drove through the gate and onto the wide neighborhood road, his hand coming to rest comfortably on her knee.

getting to the restaurant was an ordeal in and of itself, starting with hawke nearly speeding through three stop signs on celandine’s street that were shrouded in dense shrubbery and ending with hawke grumbling about the valet as the greeter ushered them into the building. "who does he think he is?" he muttered into celandine's ear. "my car is fine. old and dirty, i guess, but it's fine."

"then why does it matter what he thinks?" she says to him over her shoulder, words quiet to blend in with the almost eerily silent atmosphere of the restaurant. "i like your car."

"you were complaining about it earlier!"

"yes, but i like it because it's yours."

it wasn't enough to shake his frown, but it was enough to make his eyebrows un-furrow as they took their seats.

as she requested earlier that week when she made the reservation, it was a table well-hidden from the front windows but still visible to the other patrons. even so, celandine couldn't help but shift nervously. she had seen more than her fair share of journalists tailing her around the city for the past few days with the elections coming up, and the last thing she wanted was to be spotted. she hadn’t even thought about it until now, but she hadn’t been leaving her mansion for a reason.

hawke was looking over the menu with a hand finger-deep in his hair, the small orange light hanging above them making his curls look like a smoldering fire. "do you eat stuff like this often?" he asked, sounding disgusted and a little unsettled as he moved to wipe his forehead with the back of his wrist.

"like what?" she replied.

"like..." he cleared his throat. "chili pepper coated chicken breasts with a topping of baked nug skin and garnished with elfroot puree. wow."

his eyes flicked towards her. "is this what your chefs will make if we eat dinner at your estate next time?"

"you think this is going well enough for there to be a next time?" celandine teased.

hawke rolled his eyes and gave her a humorless chuckle. "yeah, yeah," he muttered. "very funny."

he reached across the table for her hand, brushing his knuckles against hers before intertwining their fingers together. it was something he had only done a few times before on their previous date when they attended a gala together, but that was at least a month before, and the action should've still felt special.

it should’ve, but it didn’t. she had barely even realized that he had done it - she was sitting stiffly in her chair, back straight and rigid, keeping an eye out for anyone with a camera pointed at her.

hawke tugged on her hand to get her attention.

"are you okay?" he asked sweetly and with enough worry that it made her teeth ache.

"yes," she responded, turning herself fully towards him. "yes, yeah, i'm just... looking for any journalists. they've been hounding me everywhere for days with elections in just a few weeks."

he frowned. as much as she wouldn't admit to it, he looked cute when he was concerned. too cute for his own good, probably. "why is that so bad?"

celandine heaved a sigh, looking down at their hands, at the curl of hawke's fingers against her palm, at the old scar running up the side of his wrist. "i just don't... i can't explain it, hawke. you wouldn't understand."

"try me," he invited warmly. "maybe i'll surprise you."

she was about to answer when his face fell, like something unpleasant had dawned on him. "oh," he murmured, voice and gaze suddenly distant. "is it... are you ashamed to be seen with me?"

celandine's eyebrows shot upwards. "no, hawke, of course not!" she hurried to say.

he interrupted her before she could finish, however. "it's okay," he said to her assuredly, almost nonchalantly, talking as if it had been so incredibly obvious this entire time. "i get it. i would be too if i were you. after all, i'm..."

his chin dropped to his chest as he looked down at his clothes. celandine leaned across the table to hook her forefinger under his chin and drag his eyes back up to hers.

"you're handsome and smart and sexy and talented," she finished for him. "it's not you, hawke, it's everyone else. i don't want anything or anyone to intrude on our time together. we don't have much of it today, after all."

he looked more than relieved after she finished speaking, adjusting proudly in his seat, holding himself a little higher. maker. he had no right to make her feel better so easily, especially with her stomach doing somersaults the way it was. "now, celandine," he began in a low voice, drawing her out of her thoughts only to see a pair of dark eyes glittering at her, "is that the type of thing someone who wasn't planning another date would say?"

she flushed profoundly until she was a shade of red that surely matched that of the velvet chair she was sitting on. "you're lucky you're handsome," she commented, pulling her hand out of his and smiling at whimper he let out as she reached for her wine cup and sipped it.

a tense silence followed in which hawke never managed to tear his gaze away from her. it felt like minutes - hours, even - but it was really only a few seconds. finally, when he cleared his throat and spoke, it was like resurfacing to warm summer air from beneath the surface of water so hot it was steaming. "can i be so bold as to suggest other plans for our evening?" he said.

celandine looked upwards toward the stained glass sun roof in the ceiling above them, noting the darkening of the sky that she felt had happened far too quickly. "if you're going to suggest taking me out to the country to see the stars, you hopeless romantic, i'm afraid to tell you that i do not think your car would make it."

"again with the car!" he said in exasperation, leaning back in his chair and throwing his hands up. "the mabari mobile is a perfectly formidable vehicle -"

"the mabari mobile?"

hawke's face burned a brilliant shade of pink.

"now are you ashamed to be seen with me?" he whispered miserably.

"slightly," she answered with a smirk.

he sighed and propped his elbows up on the table, dropping his head into his hands. “what i was going to say before i humiliated myself was that you should... uh... come watch me sing tonight?” hawke said quietly. “there’s an open mic night at this bar called the hanged man that i go to all the time, and varric texted me and told me that there weren’t many acts tonight...”

celandine’s nose wrinkled. “if varric’s there -”

“he’s not,” hawke hastened to say, reaching across the table to grab her hand again. “he’s not. he just left a few minutes ago to go play cards at our friend aveline’s house.”

she blinked at him. “your friend, hm?” she repeated, trying to sound casual about it.

he gave her an indignant snort. “my very married friend,” he clarified. “and i didn’t take you for the jealous type, celandine.”

“i’m not,” she shot back. she was the jealous type when something mattered to her, but she’d never confess that on a third date. or a fifth date. or even a tenth date, probably, because she’d never reached that with anyone before and couldn’t know for certain until she made it. “anyway, continue what you were saying earlier...”

there was a grin on his face as she squeezed his hand to try and coax the rest of the explanation out of him. “so i was going to go play at the bar,” he said, “after we were done, of course, or if you... wanted to do that, instead?”

she glanced around the restaurant, letting out a wary sigh. “i don’t know, hawke,” celandine murmured.

“i know you probably had to reserve this table weeks in advance, and i know the food here is definitely way better - if a lot weirder - but...”

he trailed off, expression hopeful, gaze soft.

“it’d mean a lot to me for you to be there,” he confessed. “i know you’ve heard me preform before, but i’ve been working on some new stuff that i think you’ll really like...”

biting her lip, celandine took another look around the restaurant before her eyes settled back on hawke’s face.

“okay,” she said.

and that’s how she wound up in hawke’s car again, except instead of driving her home, he’s driving her in the opposite direction towards the hanged man.

every third streetlight is burnt out; every fourth is flickering. dogs bark at rickety bikes that speed past their fences even though the sun has long since sunk beneath the horizon and groups of tipsy people talk and laugh as they make their way down the street that’s, for the most part, lined building-to-building with bars and restaurants. celandine leans her head back against the headrest of the passenger seat, her thumb tracing circles on the back of hawke’s hand while she stares out the window.

“where is this bar?” she asks.

he flips on his turn indicator and pulls down a road that’s lit even less than the previous ones have been. “you wouldn’t know it,” he tells her with a hint of shyness. “it’s near my uncle’s old place, and he lives next to the docks. well, next to the factory district that leads to the docks, anyway.”

“are you going to take me to meet your uncle afterwards?”

he lets out a bark of laughter that’s a little too loud. “definitely not,” he responds. “never.”

“oh.”

silence follows, and then hawke does a double take. “oh, not because - celandine, not because of you,” he clarifies. “my uncle is a disaster. and he’ll probably have something to say about your politics, and frankly i don’t want to get my hands dirty tonight if i have to kick the shit out of him.”

she giggles - giggles, like some sort of school-aged girl - and lets her eyes flutter shut. “i can handle myself,” she informs him playfully.

“oh, i know that,” hawke replies. “i’d just do it for myself, really. him being an ass to you would just be a convenient excuse. but not tonight. maybe another time, if you’re lucky.”

like a broken record, she’s giggling again, and hawke holds back his own laugh by raising their entwined fingers to his lips.

it only takes a few minutes for them to reach the hanged man, which celandine can see from down the block because of the yellow neon sign of a man being strung up from the rafters by his feet (that is a little more than alarming), but it takes the same amount of time for them to find parking. apparently, the bar isn’t going to be as empty as varric said. they eventually find an empty patch of grass in a poorly lit back alley.

hawke opens the door of his van and slides out. celandine moves to ready herself for him to come over to her side and help her out, but she stops when he doesn’t shut the driver’s door behind him. she doesn’t have time to ask him what he’s doing when she realizes that she’s taking off his suit jacket.

“what are you doing?” she asks.

he throws it into the back seat. “if i show up wearing that, they’ll think i’m a douchebag,” he tells her as he undoes his tie. “this, too. your dress is fine, though. everyone’s just going to be distracted by how good you look.”

the tie lands on top of the jacket and just dangles over the edge of the seat, and by the time celandine’s looked back towards hawke, he’s unbuttoning the top buttons of his shirt. “what are you doing now?” she asks.

he’s stripped himself down to his undershirt with the dress shirt open on top and the same suit pants on the bottom, though they’re hanging a little lower on his stomach. he’s right - the new look will fit in a lot more with the bar scene, she suspects. and he looks... well, more handsome than he did before, if she’s being honest.

but she’d never admit it.

“can you get my - no, nevermind, i’ll get it.”

she watches as he clambers back into the car and fishes out his guitar case, accidentally smacking it against the ceiling light before pulling it out into the cool night air. despite how uncoordinated it seems, the thought of him doing this every night or once every few makes her smile, “come on,” he says warmly. “they won’t bite. hopefully.”

he probably doesn’t even have enough time to notice her rolling her eyes as she pushes the door open and follows him outside.

it’s a different part of town than they were in before, as she expected, but the air still feels slightly uncertain. it’s the only the thing that’s stayed the same the whole night. despite the fact that, deep down, she knows no one would ever find her in a bar so crudely named, she’s still scared that someone is going to ruin their night. especially now that hawke is in such a good mood.

he loops his arm - the free one that’s not toting a massive leather guitar case - around her waist and pulls her close to him. “thanks for coming, by the way,” he murmurs in her ear. “i think you’re really going to like the set.”

they’ve reached the doors, and yet, when hawke moves to open the door, she stops him.

“i don’t want to ruin it for you if someone recognizes me,” she says nervously, wringing her hands together out of guilt as she stops on the sidewalk in front of the blinking open sign. “you don’t know how many times people have stopped me recently. i was in the grocery store the other day holding a box of tampons when someone tried to get an interview.”

hawke slings the guitar case over his shoulder, returning to her with a frown. “okay,” he starts. “so... what do you want to do, then? we can leave if you want to, of course...”

“no, no, we can’t,” she tells him - she insists. “you want me to be here, and i want to be here for you. it’s just...” a sigh escapes her lips. this would be a lot easier if he wasn’t so kind and she wasn’t trying so hard not to say something that might hurt his feelings. “is there a v.i.p booth? or can i... hide behind the bar? or -”

“hang you from the ceiling?”

“as long as no one can see up my dress.”

he snorts, running a hand through his hair, clearly trying to think of a suitable solution. “well,” he begins, “i’m not sure about v.i.p booths, but...”

and then his face lights up, eyes crinkling at the edges as he flashes her a dazzlingly white grin. “i have an idea,” he says, swinging his guitar case down from his shoulders and passing it to her. “give me one second.”

he disappears in a flash, and she’s left standing on the sidewalk in front of the bar, awkwardly holding onto his guitar case and rocking back and forth on her feet as she nods at other people entering the building.

she doesn’t get nervous. ever. and she can always handle the press - well, not when they’re harrassing her while she’s trying to buy tampons, but no one can do that. and yet she’s nervous for this. and she doesn’t really know why. she can convince people to stop making a scene with a snap of her fingers if they decide to start; she’s bribed people more than once to get them to stop talking. if someone decides to make a fool out of her during hawke’s show, she’ll have no problem doing either of these things.

but she doesn’t want anyone to do it in the first place. that’s what’s making her so antsy. she just wants to be here with hawke for a few hours. she likes him too much for her own good.

the sound of him running up behind her snaps her out of her trance, and she greets him with a sort of panicked expression like he stumbled onto her secret pile of treasure. still, thankfully, he doesn’t seem to notice. as he tries to catch his breath, he holds something out to her, smirking.

“a pair of sunglasses?”

“yeah!” he straightens up and licks his lips, taking them from her and unfolding them. “they’re not that big on me, but i think they’ll be almost comedically big on you, so no one should be able to recognize you, anyway, if that’s what you’re worried about. plus, everyone in there is drunk or trying to be, so...”

he eases them onto her face, missing both of her ears and stifling an affectionate laugh as he realizes.

“yes, it’s very funny,” she grumbles, taking them off and adjusting them until they’re sitting comfortably on her face. “such a comedian, hawke. are you sure you don’t want to do stand-up, instead?”

he swings his guitar case up onto his back again and takes her hand, pulling her close until they’re chest to chest. “the only person worth making laugh is you,” he tells her softly, reaching up then to tuck a strand of dark golden hair behind her ear. “and since you never laugh at my jokes, i’ll stick to music, thanks.”

she must look like a lovestruck idiot, standing there with a pair of his scratched up sunglasses on her face, fingers latching absentmindedly onto his waist as he cups her face with both hands and rests his forehead against hers. she can’t help it, and she can’t bother to try and pretend otherwise. “you look cute wearing those,” he comments quietly.

“oh yeah?”

“yeah,” he replies. “i like seeing you wear something of mine. i’d like to see a whole lot more of it...”

celandine feels her breath hitch in the back of her throat as he brushes his lips over top of hers -

and then he draws away, arms falling down dramatically by his sides, an evil look in his eyes. “but we should get inside,” he tells her. “don’t wanna miss it, now do we?”

she can barely believed he managed to trick her so easily - she’s left gawking after him as he turns on his heel and cuts a straight line towards the front door of the bar, walking with too much confidence for a man who isn’t normally so cocky. and who shouldn’t be, frankly, because she could get the better of him just as easily. and she’s going to.

she hurries after him until she’s practically stepping on the backs of his heels. “hawke?” she asks,removing the glasses to see him better.

“wha -”

the word disappears in his mouth as celandine presses her own to his. he kisses softly, at first, slowly; whatever game they were playing, they both lose, because while she winds her arms around his neck he combs one hand through her hair and lets the other linger on the small of her back, and even though he’s the one who makes a noise first - a loud, hungry groan - she feels one of her own soon follow. she can’t even tell if she makes it, however, because all of a sudden hawke’s walked her backwards and is caging her body with his against the wall of the bar.

he just started teasing the tip of his tongue against her bottom lip when she abruptly pulls away, looking at him as innocently as she can manage.

“you’re going to miss it, hawke,” she says in a voice as soft as silk while batting her eyelashes in his direction. “and you wouldn’t want to -”

he kisses her lips once more and then plants another three kisses beside her mouth before grabbing her hand and pulling her inside without so much as another word.

most of the room is packed, but there’s a few seats up front that are empty, and celandine luckily manages to snag a whole table to herself while hawke deals with the sign-up for the open mic backstage. there’s a few acts in front of him - some juggling for some reason, some rap, and a few decent covers - and then finally, when he takes the stage, she’s already beaming ear-to-ear at the sight of him, sliding the glasses further down on her nose to see him properly. he looks a little sweaty, she thinks to herself, his curls in a reckless halo around his head like they almost are.

maker. he’s so handsome.

the crowd must recognize him, because the instant he’s comfortable in his stool and looks up at the audience, they let out a chorus of drunken whoops. “thank you, everyone, thank you,” he chuckles good-naturedly. “i’m actually going to be singing my own song tonight, and it’s for... well, it’s for someone who’s really special to me.”

celandine bites her lip, watching him and holding back a breath as he meets her eyes. suddenly, she’s glad that the sunglasses are big enough to hide the blush on her cheeks. if he knew he’d flustered her again, he’d start laughing, and...

well, she wants to hear his song. it’ll definitely be better than stale wine and stuffy waiters. though it definitely won’t be as good as kissing him. nothing she can think of really is.

---

kind of inspired by this and this

#.... i spent 5 fucking hours on this.#sdlkjhfjdhkjs #instead of preparing for university registration tomorrow at 8 30 am.#:)#but you know what! it made me so gd happy! so!#anyway i love them and i'm weak for them and i love this modern au it's so good and sexy Woo #also............. like.......... mfw i'm now thinking about them ditching open mic after one song and fucking in his car OOF #neither of them would do it realistically but i want them to #celandine would want to wait though and hawke would want to as well #she'd want to because she's scared of getting knocked up but he just wants it to be special. poetic cinema.#but they would definitely make out in his car #and she would definitely steal his suit jacket and wear it for interviews to show off because it's obviously a man's jacket.#and he'd definitely OH MY GOd he'd give her the guitar pick he wrote the song with FUCK #bro. bros. brosephs. i'm dying.#i love them more than anything in the world actually it's so sad #they bring me so much joy like bro i'm tearing up thinking about this #and now i'm thinking about them having a heated make out session in her library and it's that one scene in that keira knightly movie #where this guy is boinking her up against a bookshelf #that's peak celandine and desmond.......#anyway okay i'll fucking shut up now skjflksdjflsd i hope you enjoyed this i guess maybe it's a little all over the place #and makes no sense probably but who cares literally not me okay bye #celandine trevelyan #desmond hawke #desmond x celandine #hawke x inquisitor #modern au #my ocs #my writing #the hawk and the swallow

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butwhyduh · 2 years

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Yo B!

I was just doing my stuff and then a random thought appear:

Just Jason dating Damian's teacher without knowing that she's Damian's teacher. Like the realisation hits when he brings her to the Wayne Manor. It hits everyone: Damian, Jason, the teacher. Only Bruce and Tim are lik lmao I figured it out at the beginning of the relationship (though shut up you two cuz I still remember the Hanukkah headcanon of both of them celebrating because they thought it's important to one another. Happy Hanukkah btw to y'all celebrating!)

Not to mention if she teaches something that Damian doesn't really like or if he has a puppy crush on her (because those things happen).

And the moment of realisation that your older brother is boinking your teacher and maybe that's why she was so happy the other day.

So much drama, so much awkwardness! That I love it!

What's your opinion B?

Btw. I love your characterisation of Batfamily you can portray every character very true to the original.

Aww thanks ☺️ and this idea is hilarious 🤣

Warning: some bad words and a food fight. Also it’s Alfred’s birthday.

Jason met you at a Whole Foods of all places. You don’t normally go there but a sale drew you in. And you were so drawn in that you didn’t notice until you actually hit a guy with your basket.

“Oh god! I’m so sorry!” You gasped feeling yourself flush. He kinda laughed. A tall, very fit, handsome man smiling and laughing. That was new.

“No no. The sale on tomatoes is a big deal. I’ll move so you don’t have to run me down,” he joked.

“I-“ you stammered. “I’d rather not run you over.” You laughed and he nodded.

“Oh hey, your book fell out,” Jason said picking a book up off the floor. “Hamlet, hu?”

“Oh yeah. I’m a teacher,” you explained taking the book from him. Oh boy, he had the prettiest blue eyes too. “Thanks.”

“No problem. If I’m nice to you, you might not run me over again,” he flirted. You laughed.

Across the produce section, Tim Drake came to a stop and backed up slightly to watch Jason flirt with a woman. Bruce came up behind him and Tim stopped him.

“Look,” Tim motioned quietly. Jason hadn’t noticed either of them.

“Oh, oh. Well, that’s nice,” Bruce said awkwardly looking away. Tim snorted.

“Take a closer look.”

“That’s Damian’s English teacher,” Bruce confirmed what Tim already knew. They watched as you put your number in Jason’s phone.

“Should we tell him,” Tim said like a kid with the hottest gossip. “Damian will flip out too.”

“We’re not telling anyone. We don’t even know if they’ll even go on a date and it’s none of Damian’s business. I forbid you from telling anyone. Dick, Barbara, Cass, Stephanie. No one. Jason… deserve a little happiness. Don’t mess it up,” Bruce said strictly.

“Geez, I get it,” Tim said with his arms raised. “I won’t say anything. But imagine them dating. It’ll be hilarious!”

“Go back down that isle. We won’t come back until Jason is done talking to her. I don’t want him to know we know,” Bruce said all business like.

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll be like a ghost,” Tim replied. “I need siracha anyways.”

7 weeks later

It was Alfred’s birthday and that was traditionally when all the family got together. It also happened to fall during Hanukkah this year. So the family prepared a big dinner meal without Alfred allowed to join. He protested multiple times but Bruce refused. Instead they ordered food from Alfred’s favorite restaurant and a dessert from his favorite bakery. Aunt Kate, the only one who actually knew what to do around Hanukkah, was invited as well. Tim and Bruce had yet to admit that neither were actually practicing.

“I want to meet your mysterious friend,” Alfred told Jason one day a week earlier over tea. “I believe I heard you are dating.”

“Geez, nothing gets past you, hu?” Jason said ruefully. Alfred smiled in his tea. “I’ll invited her. But if the family scares her off…”

“I’ll personally burn their meals for a month,” Alfred replied promptly.

“Remind me not to make you mad,” Jason muttered.

“Indeed,” Alfred said with a grin before taking a sip of his tea.

The night of Alfred’s birthday party was turning disastrous by the minute. They sent the wrong cake and added bacon to four dishes and while that was generally a good addition, maybe not on Hanukkah. Bruce at least knew that. Kate wasn’t coming and Bruce was technically raised by an Anglican Christian British man and knew very little about Hanukkah. But he was going to try for Tim to have a good holiday.

Jason hadn’t told Bruce that he was bringing a date but Bruce knew Barbara was coming with Dick and Tim had Bernard and Damian was bringing Jon and they were definitely dating or something. Steph was coming with Cass but she’s been at every family dinner even before they started dating. But she was also Tim’s ex which was weird. Bruce needed an Advil. Or a beer. Luckily Alfred was at the spa that Bruce insist he visit for the day or he would have certainly taken over and it was his birthday.

But finally they had a bacon free kosher meal with the correct dessert delivered. And Bruce managed to do it without going absolutely insane.

The menorah was brought out and Bruce quickly googled Hanukkah traditions that he hadn’t participated in since he was 8. His mother’s side always had Hanukkah dinners and his father’s side had Christmas morning and dinner. But all of that came to a winding halt when his parents died. He had brought Christmas back when he adopted Roman Catholic Dick and until Tim, none of them had any other holiday. When Bruce learned Tim didn’t celebrate because he was always alone for the holidays, Bruce took the time to add some Jewish holidays to his calendar. But he couldn’t remember pretty much any of the traditions that went with them. Bruce wasn’t going to recite any prayers since he felt it unfair to do as someone non-practicing. Tim or Kate could if they wanted.

Tim didn’t know how to tell Bruce he was non-practicing either. Bruce almost broke down when Tim tried to explain he didn’t celebrate any holidays because his parents were never home when they were alive and Tim couldn’t bring himself to say that didn’t exactly feel the need to start as someone who’s firmly atheist. So when Bruce asked if he wanted to recite the prayer, Tim had almost peed his pants before suggesting a moment of silence so people of all religions can have a moment. Both of them were secretly relieved.

But that put Bruce into a tailspin as he wondered what other religions he needed to accommodate for his kids. He should ask them what they needed. What if he already missed a holiday or religious need??

“Master Bruce, I’m home. I shall avert my eyes if needed,” Alfred called in the hallway. Bruce hopped up to meet him. Alfred looked more refreshed then he had in months and was carrying a few shopping bags.

“You can come out. Nothing to hide,” Bruce said and Alfred nodded with a curt smile.

“I’m simply overjoyed that the kitchen is in one piece,” Alfred commented carrying his bags upstairs.

“We knew better than to cook,” Bruce replied.

“Then my stomach is also overjoyed for food safety,” Alfred said before disappearing from sight.

Dick and Barbara showed up with chocolate coins. Bruce had forgotten those and was filled with cold dread.

“We got them. Don’t worry. I once again save the day,” Dick said with a grin.

“I actually thought of them,” Barbara replied with an eye roll.

“And I thought to invite you.”

“Jon!” Damian called out before running down the stairs to open the main door. Jon stood with a casserole dish in hand and a present bag on his wrist.

“Hey Dami! Hello Mr Wayne, Dick, Barbara,” Jon said politely. Damian grabbed him by the shoulder and dragged him in. Damian quickly pulled the stuff from Jon’s hands and placed them on the nearest surface despite Jon’s protest.

“I have the newest Cheese Viking game,” Damian said as they ran upstairs. Steph and Cass walked downstairs just as the boys left and they both started talking to Dick and Barbara.

Tim showed up next looking nervous as can be with Bernard in tow. He politely introduced him to everyone slightly more formally that necessary. Bruce shook Bernards hand and welcomed him to his home and Bruce noted that Tim relaxed minutely.

“Jason is late as usual,” Bruce commented a good 30 minutes later. “Has anyone been able to get ahold of him?”

“I texted but no response,” Dick replied. Bruce sighed.

“Let’s get started and he can join us when he gets here,” Bruce suggested.

They all sat around the table with Bruce at one end and Alfred, guest of honor, at the other, at Bruce’s insistence of course. Right before everyone dug into the first course of the meal, the sound of shoes in the hallway came to their attention. Jason’s date was there.

“Hey sorry we’re late. The highway was shit,” Jason said ushering in his lady guest. You moved to the chair he offered and let Jason push in the seat.

“Your scarf,” Alfred started to stand but Jason waved him off and helped you of your scarf and coat and hung them up himself before sitting down. It was only then that you were able to look at the guests at the table.

Mr Wayne smiled politely as well as Dick. The younger brother Tim had a wide grin and just as Jason sat down, you saw Damian. You blinked quickly.

He called you by your last name the way one would a teacher and everyone turned to him. Tim was practically splitting his face in two with his grin. Jason looked between you and Damian before the thought connected and his eyes widened.

“Are you dating my brother??” Damian asked.

“I-“ you stuttered before looking at Jason. “You didn’t tell me you had a little brother in school.”

“It wasn’t relevant,” he replied. “Is he- do you teach him?”

“Todd,” Damian said grasping a table knife tightly. “Did you go out of your way to date my English teacher??”

“No, you little psycho. I have a pretty hard fast rule about avoiding middle schools for dates,” Jason said puffing up a bit.

“Boys,” Bruce warned knowing they were going to start fighting any second and he actually liked the soup.

“Why are you grinning, Drake,” Damian growled. “Did you know? Did you set them up?”

“No one set us up, Damian,” you replied.

“I had nothing to do with this!” Tim protested.

“You are not that important,” Jason growled.

“Yeah, then why are you dating my teacher, you oaf,” Damian sneered.

“Boys,” Alfred warned but Jason and Damian were too far gone and when Damian slung mashed potatoes at Jason, it desolved into chaos. Some food slapped Dick directly in the face and as he was trying to calm the others down, it made him very mad.

Jason grabbed Damian by the collar and went to haul him over the table but in Damian’s flailling, he kicked an entire saucer of gravy in Bernard’s lap. Tim helped him up and grabbed the saucer to throw but it instead hit Bruce in the head. Bruce was currently separating Damian and Jason. Jon hopped up and helped you out of your seat only to be hit with a paper table decoration coated in whipped cream.

“STOP NOW,” bellowed Alfred and the boys stopped fighting. “Clean all of this up immediately! I am going to bed and I want this room to gleam in the morning.”

Everyone had the decency to look guilty while cleaning. And everyone- even Bruce- cleaned until it was Alfred worthy. It took a full 10 minutes since they didn’t let any of the dates clean, including Jon who could have done it in a second. Bruce bought Bernard an entire new outfit to be delivered to his house.

Jason was awkwardly silent on the ride back to your place. You glanced over to look at him and he glanced at you quickly before looking away. You couldn’t handle it when he pulled in your driveway.

“Okay, let’s talk about the elephant in the room. I’m your kid brother’s English teacher. You already knew I was a teacher and I didn’t know you had a kid brother,” you said. Jason nodded.

“So you’ve got to decide if you want to see me anymore or not. Because I really like you and what I do for a living shouldn’t-“

He cut you off with a kiss. His rough fingers cupped your cheeks and his mouth pressed heavily against yours. Jason kissed you until his lungs burned and he pulled back panting.

“I definitely want to keep seeing you. I’m just- just embarrassed that my family acted that way. God. You sure you don’t want to run screaming into the night?” He asked.

“I’ll try to resist the urge,” you replied playfully nipping at his lips but not enough to count as a kiss. Jason tried to follow you each time until you finally gave him a good kiss. “I teach middle schoolers. Do you think I have a bone of fear in my body?”

“That’s my girl,” Jason added with a grin.

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batarangsoundsdumb · 3 years

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headcanons on interactions between bruce's exs? imagine the comedic potential for harvey and ollie to meet

okay bruce's exes headcanons:

bruce and oliver broke up after bruce graduated boarding school, and they were like 'thanks for the whole *waves hand vaguely*, let's just stay friends', but for the first 5/6 years after their break up oliver would fucking hate everyone bruce dated.

especially harvey dent, who bruce dated in college. oliver fucking despised harvey for no reason at all. he'd try to convince bruce of it by making up the stupidest arguments like "his haircolour confuses me," and "i don't like how he actually pays attention in class"

(oliver is still on the desert island when harvey becomes two face and the first text he sends bruce after multiple years is just "i fucking knew there was something wrong with that guy")

after dinah and ollie got together people kept joking that bruce would get jealous (seeing as he dated dinah), but he doesn't get it so he's like "of dinah? i wish her the best of luck with that weird asshole, but never again"

everyone just stares at him, while oliver just goes: "says you, you fucking weirdo. did it pay off to get out of bed every single fucking day at 6 in the morning? did that help you or was it just to inconvenience me?"

barry just goes: before we go any further does anyone want to confess they've also slept with batman? no?

(diana proudly raises her hand and when clark doesn't move she raises his hand up too, because let's be real, they boinked)

poison ivy, harley quinn, and catwoman don't realise they've all dated bruce wayne/batman for like 5 years and they break out into laughter everytime they remember. (they gossip about him more than is strictly necessary)

two face regularly kidnaps bruce wayne and bruce always gets him talking about weird shit they did in college.

there's a "reporters who dated bruce wayne" club and it has over a dozen members, lois and clark are co-captains.

bruce dated john constantine and every time john constantine mentions it near the league, bruce convinces all of them (successfully) that 'making love' is just the act of calling someone 'love' in british.

(the entire justice league is convinced 'fucking' is just niche british slang for working together)

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redux-iterum · 3 years

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Ok, here's a little challenge for you and the editors; roast for me 10 WC couples of your choice.

This was fun! We each took five with a bonus from the editor, and you can read our complaints after the readmore.

LYNX (editor)

Violetshine X Tree: I'm still trying to get through the latter half of AVOS, so I haven't seen their first time meeting up or them falling in love or anything like that. What makes me rather uncomfortable with this couple is that Tree's old enough to be Violetshine's father. Pebbleshine and Hawkwing were already young lovers, but with the release of Tree's Roots, one can calculate Tree to be born around the same time as Hawkwing. He even meets a heavily pregnant Pebbleshine when he's around fifteen months old. Honestly, if his and Violetshine's dynamic in late AVOS is good enough for a Warriors couple, I'm willing to just headcanon him as at most eight months older than her to make it more palatable. By the way, this has nothing to do with the ages when they meet up. Violet's a year old by Darkest Night and nearly an adult if her sister's warrior assessment is anything to go by.

Clear Sky X Storm: It's been some years since I read DotC, but the love drama in The Sun Trail was pretty stupid. Especially the insta-love thing. Maybe it was an insta-attraction? But this is Warriors and we can't have that, noooooooooo...

Clear Sky X Star Flower: Everyone's gone on with how Clear Sky getting with his son's ex is rather dubious, but what is often neglected is the fact that Star Flower can make choices too! She made the choice to go for her ex's dad which is about as questionable as Clear Sky's choice! My personal headcanon is that she's the kitty equivalent of a gold-digger.

Pebbleshine X Hawkwing: Alright, so you're either of these two nitwits who've recently become a warrior. Your very way of life has been drastically upturned by someone you thought you could trust. You've lost family and friends to your betrayal, and what's worse is you've lost your home. The world you've known for your whole life has been ripped form you and you have to keep ambling forward with the hope that the place you'll finally settle in will be worth all this hardship. The path ahead of you is long, uncertain, and dangerous, and you'll need to have a clear head to have a hope of surviving this season. SOUNDS LIKE THE PERFECT TIME TO BOINK AND START A FAMILY, AM I RIGHT?

Bumblestripe X Dovewing: Pushy, inconsiderate, trademark Nice Guy, from questioning why they haven't had children yet at some random meeting to suggesting they have children at her friend's funeral, everyone's said it already. Bumblestripe is not a good cat for Dovewing. I'm glad she's not with him since that makes her happy. But... Tigerfartstar X Dovewing: Yeah, Dovewing, your taste in toms is awful. This temperamental, arrogant, patronizing shipdit, while not as bad as Bimbostripe over there, is still pretty bad. It's been a long while since I read OotS and I haven't yet read Tigerheart's Shadow, but I probably should to get a refresher on why I hate this couple.

DULLARD

Bristlefrost x Rootspring: So ignoring that Rootspring as a -paw is a whiny, overly defensive putz that acts self-conscious about having Tree as his father, Bristlefrost does not ONCE show interest in him. Not once. Count ‘em, zero times. In fact, she’s aware of his crush on her and is embarrassed whenever he comes around and whenever people notice him staring at her. She actively avoids him and speaks curtly, even rudely, to try and drive him off. Then, out of buttfuck nowhere, she says she has feelings for him once he’s a warrior? When they’ve barely interacted beyond her spurring his affections? Fuck with that?

Crowpaw x Feathertail: Feathertail, you’re a nice girl. You’re team mom and almost a second in command to Brambleclaw. Everyone likes you. So why in the good god damn fuck does a pissant like Crowpaw (an apprentice at the time, by the way) deserve your recognition, let alone your love? You could get literally any other cat you wanted to, and you go for the fruit that was formerly hanging the lowest, but dropped off the tree and is now rotting on the floor. He is nothing but a dick to you and only starts being remotely kind two seconds before you die. Please love yourself and do better in StarClan.

Bluefur x Oakheart: Speaking of low hanging fruit, this is a very, very easy one to dunk on. It’s moreso the fact that this entire “relationship” is treated as one of the great tragic romances in this series than anything else. The two of them talk, what, two or three times? And then have exactly one night together before Bluefur kills one of their kits and shoves the other two on him and then that’s it. That’s all they had. A one night stand and child death. What a love story. Why does Bluefur think Thrushpelt is the worse option, again?

Dustpelt x Fernpaw: GOD, this relationship is creepy. I still get simultaneously unnerved and mad whenever I read the first arc, because Dustpelt initially seems like he’ll go with Sandstorm before she stupidly falls in love with Fireheart, but then he sets his sights on someone so much younger than him that he actually asks if he can mentor her instead of his original apprentice (her brother, fun fact). Let me emphasize that, because he is actively seeking a power imbalance in this relationship, and he clearly intends to eventually get with her. Bear in mind that she is still being treated like she’s a young kid, if not a teenager, by the narrative. I could be here all day on this fucking topic, but let’s move on.

Berrynose x Poppyfrost: We all know what I’m going to say here. Berrynose having the brass to say loving things to a dying, agonizing Honeyfern after she spent all this time pining after him, and then less than two months later, he shacks up with her sister. That is the coldest thing he could possibly have done to her. The fact that the writers decided that she’s totally okay with the relationship and takes care of her sister’s dead kits like they’re hers is extra terrible. Like, she still gets the scraps when she’s dead? Seriously?

#ask #readmore #relationships #shipping #i speak #lynx #editor #rant

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cheesus-doodles · 2 years

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Hey, time leaper anon here! I just came back from getting my upper lobe pierced, Kinda painful but not that painful compared to my outer conch. I just thought of Toman's darling (who is a saint btw bless her heart) who got her ears pierced for the first time (or getting a tattoo or both, you decide) without telling anyone? You can add Izana or spme Tenjiku members if you want. (You're getting me simping for Izana and I'm kinda tempted to do so) - (Time leaper anon)

Masterlist‎

time leaper anon, you always seem to manage to catch me when i'm actually working on your time leaper darling fic - hopefully your piercing went well! oof i never had my ears pierced cause im deadly scared of needles, but that sounds neat! also welcome to the Izana simp club - happy to have you :D

‎

No matter who you show your new piercings to, be it your Toman founder friends or your Tenjiku executive friends, their first reaction would always be shock and horror - not that you had your ears pierced for the first time, no far from that. It was that you didn't ask them first whether they were okay with it - you going ahead and making your own decisions without consulting them? What next? No longer needing your friends to keep you safe from the big bad world and all its stranger dangers? You becoming independent enough to leave them behind?

If you show the piercings to your Toman friends, be prepared to be absolutely mobbed by them, all of whom are currently in the middle of an existential crisis. I mean, you probably could predict that they might be a little upset that you hadn't told them beforehand and let them vet the piercing shop and accompany you there, but you hadn't thought their reaction would be this severe. Kazutora and Baji would be full on crying that you hated them and that you wanted to leave, Mikey would be latched onto you and refusing to let go, and even Draken and Mitsuya would look visibly annoyed. Pah would eventually get to the annoyed phase, it's just taking him a bit longer to process what was going on.

The whole day would be spent soothing and cuddling and pampering in an attempt to calm your friends down, apologies would flow freely as you promised that yes you swear that you won't hide secrets from them, yes you would ask them before you did anything so major again, and no you hadn't even thought of leaving them nor would you ever leave them. Get a disappointed boink on your head by Draken for all the anxiety you caused - definitely have your pierced spots carefully inspected by both Draken and Mitsuya to ensure that they were done correctly, before getting a earful about how to make sure it doesn't get infected.

But the mood suddenly does a 180 and all the boys are clammering to choose earrings for you. Those who do wear earrings (Kazutora, Draken and Mitsuya) of course want you to wear a copy of their designs, while the other three who didn't (Mikey, Baji and Pah) would rather you wear what they chose. Torn in every direction is an understatement, and you will probably end up having to rotate about six different sets of earrings to keep everyone happy, usually wearing matching earrings with your Toman friend that has a one-on-one with you that day.

As for Tenjiku, Izana is more torn between being upset and being excited - on one hand, you making your own decisions without asking his opinion? He would have said yes anyway, so why didn't you come to him? Already sent the other executives to beat up whoever that dared to pierce your ears for you without his say so, and maybe just burn the whole shop down while they'll at it, but of course you never find out. On the other hand, this boy is excited because now he could make an even clearer statement about who you belonged to. No questions asked, Izana immediately drags you to his place and helps you to put on a matching set of earrings to his, and that's the only set of earrings you'll be allowed to wear from now on.

Izana does not hesitate to pull out every last stop to make you feel bad that you didn't run your idea by him first - watery eyes, whimpers, sleeve clutching, turning away when you try to comfort him, muttering that you hated him and that you wanted to leave him to die all alone like everyone else. Enough to make your gut wrench and you just bundling him into your arms, running your hand through his hair and apologizing again and again, promising that you weren't ever going to leave him out in the cold like that again. Izana will absolutely pop by unexpectedly to check if you were still wearing his earrings - sometimes just flinging open your classroom door in the middle of class for a surprise visit and inspection, though this usually ends with him staying for the whole day, cuddled in your lap and asleep.

Definitely a smack to the back of the head from Kakucho, albeit a light one, with this boy simply stating how if you had gone to a bad place and gotten an infection - then what? And that you should have come to them so that they could bring you to a reputable ear piercer. Still teaches you on how to keep both your piercing and your earrings clean to prevent infections. Koko falling apart at how cheap the piercing was and how shady the place you went to was, and that he didn't get to spoil you by taking you to a branded shop for your first - first - piercing. Ran and Rindo instead opting to prod you about whether it hurt worse since they weren't there to hold your hand and let you hide your face in their chest like you always did when you were scared.

You do secretly change your earrings out to match whichever of your Tenjiku friends you were hanging out with, but only if neither Izana nor Kakucho were there because you didn't want to get the other executives into trouble.

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tinyyoungblood · 3 years

Note

hi!! idk if i can request but imma do it anyway: headcanons for the reader going on her first solo mission and the whole team (esp her bf Peter) is like worried and constantly checking in and she’s like “bro chill”

pairing: peter parker x avenger!reader

a/n: i couldn’t decide which ask to do first so i rolled a dice to decide for me lol nothing better than enjoying a headcanon with a flair of random. next time i’m going to consult an oracle. enjoy x

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

y/n’s first solo mission

it’s y/n’s first time going on a mission by herself and the avengers are having a communal panic attack

bucky is really anxious for her but would never admit it so he uses every chance he gets to sneak in some extra training

y/n tries to go to the kitchen to get a glass of orange juice and bucky slams the fridge door while giving her the Stare™

“…what are you doing” “i need you to hit the floor, army crawl, hang on right, and then you can get some juice”

peter thinks bucky’s method is Efficient and Effective and adapts it as well

he shows y/n all kinds of moves, completely neglecting the fact that her fighting style is Stab Stab Boink

whereas his fighting style is gymnast with olympic gold spends friday night in bouncy castle

peter gets frustrated because y/n doesn’t take the somersaults as seriously as she should

“y/n i need you to focus!! this is important!!!!” “to do what? back flip over the enemy?” *scoffs* “yes” *back flips away*

rhodey gives her a list of things to do in case of emergencies and it’s long. it’s literally the apple terms of service agreement

steve has done about a hundred briefings already but y/n still wakes up in the middle of the night to peter screaming bloody murder next to her

it’s bc steve is standing in the middle of the room with a whiteboard and a 20 slides presentation

y/n just walks up to him, grabs the cap of his markers and throws it out the window, leaving his markers to dry out

steve looks at her in disbelief and deadpans, “some people just want to see the world burn”

the day y/n leaves, bruce shows up with knee pads and a helmet that both look like he got them from the kids’ section

he’s just standing there like “pLs don’t hand in your two weeks’ notice, i’m doing this in the name of LOVE”🧍‍♂‍

tony stumbles into the room with sam and bucky in tow and it’s clear that tony is slightly tipsy when he crushes y/n into a big bear hug

y/n, whispering: “what did you two do?”

sam: “saved your reputation. he wanted to turn you into a bubble wrap burrito”

wanda hugs y/n and makes her promise to stay safe while vision smuggles first aid kits into the jet, easter-egg-style

thor approaches y/n next and he awkwardly hands her a brown bag that contains popsicles and a small ribboned box with a green glitter bracelet in it

the note says, “so you remember me when you die. -loki”

y/n’s heart MELTS

the mission itself isn’t even dangerous and it’s honestly easily done if it weren’t for the 300 people talking in her comm

peter keeps checking in on her and blurts out compliments like being a motivational speaker is his life mission

the compliments just keep getting increasingly weirder bc he’s running out of things to say

“woah angel don’t think i didn’t see that little hop you just did there! magnificent technique!! OUTSTANDING!!!”

y/n turns off her comm but peter simply switches to texting. she blocks him

steve keeps sending her very obscure and oddly specific facts about ducks in an attempt to make y/n respond

she blocks him as well and buys a duck plushie on amazon

y/n is strapped in a harness, being the quietest she’s ever been, when tony hacks into her suit and BLASTS mission impossible through her comm

it proves itself successful tho bc y/n turns on her comm and cusses him out

(the team is relieved)

nat and clint are hiding in the vents and spying on her

they think they’re being slick considering they’re professional Totally Spies™ but y/n knows and now she’s being intentionally careless to irritate them

y/n’s casually strolling down the hall, munching on those popsicles thor gave her when she hears nat hiss, “what is she doing?!”

a few seconds later, she hears them arguing over what they should do and it’s so hard not to laugh

“she’s being reckless, go attack her” “what?” “just do it. but don’t hurt her” “what do you want me to do? tickle her??” “no? thumb war”

(y/n chokes on her popsicle)

she leaves, rounds the corner, and walks straight into sam and bucky who are just? standing there? unmoving?

they’re just hoping that y/n might not see them if they stay still long enough

y/n: “what are you two doing here?!”

them, glancing at the battered food truck across the street that sells oysters and chicken wings: “uh- brunching?”

y/n: “...rats eat better than both of you if this is where you brunch”

but y/n’s done with the mission anyway so they end up getting sodas and a bucket of wings

the latter they use to lure nat and clint out of the vents

they’re sitting in the jet when y/n’s bracelet suddenly slips off and GLOWS

then it goes poof and loki’s standing right in front of them

they’re all gaping at him and loki tries SO hard to act ~cool~ but y/n is just grinning like a fool with tears brimming her eyes

loki, shrugging and staring at the ceiling: “just had to make sure you’re all right. hand me a wing”

* * *

stay hydrated <3

hc masterlist

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ap-trash-compactor · 2 years

Text

Anyway, “lobsters choose their mates through piss play” is just as cursed as that stuff about duck penises and I wish everyone else on earth were burdened with this cursed and hideous knowledge which I inflicted on myself through fanfic research

for the for morbidly curious: lobsters can only fuck when the lady lobster has no shell, but molting leaves her super vulnerable, so when she’s ready to molt (and mate), she’ll go hang out in the front yard of a local lobster tough guy, and piss on his face when she gets the chance. lady piss is basically like love potion no. 9 for lobsters, I guess, because this mesmerizes the male into becoming basically lobster Fabio from a paperback romance — a fierce, jealous protector of his shell-less lady against external threats, and a tender, caring loving in their private hours. basically he’ll raw her instead of trying to merc her on sight, which is I guess what dude lobsters usually do when they see another lobster? but he’ll still be aggro as hell w anyone other than his piss queen. anyway, having been ensorcelled by the divine perfume of lady piss, he whisks the molting damsel into his abode where the basically boink nonstop until she’s ready to stop giving golden showers and wants to get her shell back on. and that’s how baby lobsters are made.

now that I have unburdened myself of this knowledge, I hope it travels freely, cursing others as it has cursed me.

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problematicfavesareproblematic · 3 years

Text

NSFW with Chuck Grant

~ ~ ~

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Charles Grant is a walking example of “acts like a badass, is actually a softie” bc BOY, IS HE HARD (lol) TO GET A READ ON.

When you first start fucking, he doesn’t really have the instinct to stick around after and soak up the afterglow- mostly bc that’s not the dynamic that any of his previous relationships operated under, but also bc he’s like Lieb and doesn’t feel comfortable being vulnerable and potentially having you reject him. He only confidently leaves the first time, and then he judges whether to stay or not on how you look at him as he makes to get dressed after the second time you boink. If you want your space, he’ll go and be back the next day as long as you let him, but if you look even a little bit offended or hurt, he’s getting his ass back in that bed and doing whatever he can to get that sad look out of your eyes.

When he does stay, he’s down to give you whatever he can manage.

He’s all for slowly kissing you while trailing his fingertips up and down your side, but if you just want to sleep beside him he is more than cool with it (he’ll probably still pet you a lil bit after you fall asleep bc he’s soft for you but shh shh shh don’t tell anyone). The only thing he isn’t very good at doing is pillow talk, especially right after sex. He’s too worried about saying the wrong thing and fucking up what he’s managed to establish with you.

It isn’t until after he’s shot that he realizes how nice it feels to have someone else take care of him, and when you do so after sex it solidifies the fact that you don’t see him as a burden- you want him and you want to stay. Thank god, too. He doesn’t think he could recover without you (again, not that he’d ever tell you that)

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Your AhhhhhhHSSSSssssSSSSSs!!!!!!

Oh wow, look at you- owner of the cutest butt he’s ever seen. Can he put his hands on it? Can he squeeze it? Please please puh-lease can you let him watch it jiggle as he fucks you? If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, then you’ve made each and every single one of his dreams come true.

He doesn’t discriminate in his love for butts- he’s an equal-opportunity appreciator of the Majesty of the Female Ass™. If it changes size throughout your relationship, he’ll love it even more. Absolutely shameless.

On himself? He likes his legs- especially his thighs.

He likes how strong they are, despite how much he hates Sobel for getting them to their current strength re: Currahee. But he gets over it quickly bc oh wow is he happy with their endurance while trying to keep up with you, both sexually and otherwise. The day he realized you could ride yourself to orgasm on them was the day he died and went to heaven and was sent back to sin again.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He likes cumming on your pubic mound and then watching it slide down your pussy, thank you very much. If you guys are trying for kids or in a position where you don’t have to worry about not having kids, he’ll cum inside of you happily but oh wow he likes watching it slide down your lower lips. BONUS POINTS if he gets to catch it on his thumb and either stick it in your mouth OR circle your clit with it in order to get you off one more time.

Also, you asking him where he wants to cum on you gets him hot under the proverbial collar.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He’d do literally anything for you if you’d let him put his finger in your ass. He will genuinely kill an individual of your choice if you let him put his cock there instead. What a perv (jk it takes a lot of vulnerability for some people to convey their wants and desires to their partners plz remember that this has been a PSA).

The one thing he’ll never actually tell you about... EVER is that for a little while after meeting you for the first time in Georgia, he started hooking up with a girl who he didn’t realize (until much later) bore a striking resemblance to you. He’d had to end the relationship when he straight-up called out your name when he came (he was a lil drunk, just tipsy enough to slip up) and full-on booked it out of there bc not only had he pissed the girl off, but his shout had woken up her family- namely her very angry father- and barely escaped with his life.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He’s had two lovers before you, but one of them was really experienced and patient and bless that woman. All he really has to do is learn what you like and he’ll commit it to memory.

And you better be damn sure that he’ll use that knowledge against you/for his benefit.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Doggy style for all the reasons mentioned before. Or reverse cowgirl. Or normal cowgirl. His hands + your butt= dream combo.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He can be goofy, but more than anything else he likes it when you’re goofy. Chuck can get a little too in his own head at times, which can lead to frustration/self-doubt- ESPECIALLY while recovering from his brain injury. You reminding him that sex is meant to be fun does him a huge favor, bc poor lamb will forget that every so often.

So please, nibble at his earlobe in that way that tickles him. Make a quip at the expense of one of your friends. Mock the silly sound of the moan you just let slip out.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He’s not going to groom unless you tell him to, but he also doesn’t feel like you need to groom for him, either. Chuck’s not afraid to admit how much his personal hygiene has improved since meeting you.

I can promise you that if you’re heavily invested in skin/hair care, he’ll probably be just as into building his own routine.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

You always have Chuck’s full and undivided attention during sex, but he won’t necessarily show it unless he gets the guy feeling/you tell him that you want him to be. He’s going to whisper sexy things into your ear, call you a good girl (if not his good girl), and do everything in his power (at the time, at least (he can get a little distracted if you’re doing something particularly sexy)) to make sure you feel just how appreciated you are. He gets more and more confident in his PDA as your relationship progresses, but when it’s just you two? You’ll never meet a bigger sweetheart.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Ok, so I’m deciding for you that mutual masturbation is a thing that you’re both into, m’kay?

I'm also making the executive decision that you really enjoy watching him get himself off. You walked in on him one time, before you’d had sex, and were so stunned that you just watched in rapt attention until awkwardly backing out of the room and slamming the door shut. He’d nearly cum right then and there, and it got you extremely aroused.

The next time you see each other, at some Georgia bar while on a pass, you offhandedly mention that you wish you hadn’t left and FROM THAT DAY ON he always lets you know when he’s feeling the urge and how you’re more than welcome to watch.

And when you do? It’s always a much shorter experience than he intends bc wow how hot are you?

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Frottage! Dry Humping! Grinding!

Allow me to explain:

In the months following D-Day, it was quickly understood that being on the frontlines meant having traditional forms of sex were no longer on the table (hehe) for you two. You’d experimented with rucking your trousers down your thighs, his thighs, both of your thighs, and each time it was a disaster (with one of the worst times ending up falling onto Tab after he’d inadvertently opened a door that Chuck had been fucking you against. Chuck had nearly thrown fists when Tab refused to look aware from your bare ass.)

So yall started grinding- quickly finding out that the bunches of fabric separating your bodies not only led to new forms of stimulation, but it also meant that you both started to utilize dirty talk. There’s something about your trembling lips at his ear, your warm whispers of ‘so good’ and ‘is this really all you need, Chuck? Me, writhing on you like this? What does that say about you, you desperate boy??’

Boy’s bought a one-way ticket to Boner City, USA.

PLUS! What a way to keep warm during Bastogne? Everyone is so jealous that they don’t have a super foxy megahot babe like you to grind upon.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Hmm…..is saying anywhere a cop-out? Because he’s down for anywhere, he’ll follow your lead and rise to the occasion. Such a perv i s2g.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

♫ YOOOUUUUUUUU!!!!!! ♫

You have this one eyebrow quirk you do when you’re in the mood, and it just so happens to be similar to the brow raise you give someone trying to outsmart you (which is another turn on for him- you putting some overly-confident sonofabitch back in their place after allowing them to mansplain at you for a little bit. First boner he ever got (since meeting you, obviously) came after witnessing you telling Joe Liebgott to stfu in cutting German after he’d made some off-color comment about your ass.)

So, more often than not, he'll get a little turned on when you argue with people. Maybe even when you argue with him- who knows? not me. (i totally do, and he totally is)

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Any sort of pain play, on either of you.

After being in genuine agony for so long while recovering from all of the surgeries, the idea of seeking any more pain out just doesn’t make sense. Chuck also doesn’t want to see you in pain- even if you’re asking him to make you feel it. You’d both suffered through the pain of hunger, frostbite, insect bites, sunburn, and just war in general (all of which had emotionally taken a toll on him bc he felt completely helpless and hated that he couldn’t do anything to take your hurt away).

Sex and pain just doesn’t go together for him. Sorry not sorry

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He loves having you go down on him, adores the way your eyes look up at him as if you’re challenging him to withstand your beautiful ministrations.

He also is a big fan of going down on you, but PLEASE PLEASE PUH-LEASE ride his face. Good lord.

He’s a sucker (teehee) for it- something about you using him like it’s all you keep him around for gets him hot. You also get this certain snarl on your lips when you are getting close that makes him lose his goddamn mind bc WOW YOU ARE SO ATTRACTIVE and HOLY SHIT YOU CHOSE HIM OF ALL PEOPLE? WOWOWOW.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

He’ll follow your lead/body language in terms of pace. Most sex sessions shift between both slow and deep as well as fast and hard anyway, so he is a fan of both.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

A necessary evil, as far as Chuck is concerned. He’ll do them, and he’d be lying if he said that he didn’t enjoy the spontaneity of them, but he would prefer not to be rushed when he’s with you.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He was riskier until that one time Tab caught you guys, after which he chilled out. Which you are thankful for, bc you’ve spoken with Lieb’s wife and BOY have those two gotten into some embarrassing situations bc of how risky that kid is.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

The longest he's gone is 4 rounds (it was celebratory sex on VE day, with both of you in the best shape you'd ever been in and too high on relief to listen to your bodies. Ya'll were sore and dehydrated afterward but LORD was it worth it.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He’d be very open to the idea of toys! On you, he’s automatically cool with it, but it does take him a little bit to get his head around the idea of using toys himself. Again, 40s/50s= somewhat repressed discussion about deviations from the traditional male sexuality- but Chuck is more willing and ready to challenge the societal norms than most. Very sexy of him.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He always intends to tease you, but more often than not he gets so turned on that he can’t follow that intention through. You are aware of this and ABSOLUTELY weaponize this knowledge. Get it, fam.

During day-to-day conversation, however, you both tease each other constantly. It’s been like that since you’ve met each other- always making innuendos and one-upping the other and for some reason that never even went away.

When Chuck woke up and the doctors brought you in to see him, the first thing he told you was that you looked terrible. When you’d replied with a sniff, a smile and a “guess the doc’s were full of shit when they said there was no change in your vision, huh?”- Chuck had smiled so hard it hurt.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He’s a choked moan kind of guy. His face gets all scrunched up and his body shakes and he curses quietly under his breath (it’s vv cute and hot, FYI). he doesn’t even try and be quiet on purpose, he just seems to lose the ability to be vocal, tbh. If he’s drinking or if it’s been a hot minute since yall have gotten to do the do, he’ll probably be a bit louder. Like, maybe one loud cry of your name (see: the letter D)

It doesn’t bother him if you make sounds at all, just so you know. If anything, he likes that he’s a quiet cummer bc then he can hear any and all of your sounds.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

biting your ass while eating you out from behind is *bang* *bang* *bang* *click* *cash register noise*.

Especially if you squeal and smack at him after he does it.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Average in all respects but OH MAN does he know how to work it to his advantage. Get ready for a wild ride, my dude.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Higher post-war, tbh. Chuck had had to be on bed rest for so long that he thought he may never get the chance to have sex again, so he totally makes a point to indulge in you every chance that he can get (but he’s cool if you say no, too).

But, as I mentioned in ‘risk’, he’s not going to be humping your leg in public or anything (ok but imagine if you were a dom to his sub and you made him do that holy fuck)

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He does not sleep very well, poor bb. He will be asleep but his mind will be working through all kinds of things ranging from PTSD to what shoes he wanted to wear to dinner with your parents that weekend. Good thing there’s a remedy to this ailment- your pussy sex with you!

While he can’t konk out immediately, he is able to relax. He will allow himself to get lost in the rhythm of your breathing, the weight of your hand on his arm or your arm wrapped around his middle. He will sometimes nuzzle into you as you’re drifting off to sleep, and when you press a kiss to his forehead he finally feels safe.

~ ~ ~

taglist: @sunsetmando @televisionboy @now-im-a-belieber @tvserie-s-world @holdingforgeneralhugs @mrseasycompany @itswormtrain @mrsalwayswrite @happyveday

#band of brothers imagines #band of brothers x reader #chuck grant x reader #problematicfavesareproblematic

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la-fille-en-aiguilles · 3 years

Text

The Only Living Thing

Billy Russo x Female Reader

Warnings: Language.

Synopsis: You’ve been friends with BIlly Russo for as long as you can remember. Then, on that one night in New York, feelings get mixed up with the liquor that burns and everything spins out of control. So much for being the only living thing that Billy Russo has ever cared about... Or is it? A/N: This just sort of happened. I may be writing more if you guys want, I think I can definitely take this further? I have a pretty hectic schedule but I might make it happen x

Song : Adam French - The Only Living Thing

New York, November 2019.  

Breathtaking.  

You are breathtaking, like the most beautiful view from atop the mountain or his biggest fear coming alive under his stare.   You’re a mix of excitement and terror, and you are enchanting enough to keep him on the tips of his toes, second-guessing everything, his every decision and every word...

You are meant to leave him wanting more.

The night New York has never looked so good on a woman before.

Billy’s vision goes blurry for a second, his stomach hot and heavy.

You are glowing.

You radiate a kind of a warm sepia glow, so beautiful and genuine and so fucking effortlessy...

Smooth and unapologetic.   

Messy strands of hair framing your face, your blushing cheeks, as you laugh your heart out, throwing your head back. Your pearl teeth flash in the dimness of the bar. Your thin black tights are torn at the thighs, your lips are red and irritated as you sink your teeth in, again and again.

Your laugh is flamboyant, intoxicating. Raw.

You are something else...

When suddenly, you see him, your black eyelashes fluttering as you wink at him. Billy’s chest feels too wide, too fragile and too hot. Do you see those unspoken words shining out of his drunken eyes?

When you make your way to him through the crowd, he’s paralyzed, afraid to move forward, afraid to scare you off, but mostly, afraid to let everyone see how desperate he is for your touch.

This is wrong, so fucking wrong, but why in hell when you come over, throwing your elegant arms around his neck, your cute perky nose touching his chest - it feels so. fucking. right?! Like you were custom-made for each other?...

Before he can stop himself, he slides an arm around your waist. You say something to him, something funny, for everyone around him snorts and chuckles, but his mind, his entire world - suddenly comes down to that spot just below his cheekbone where you plant a soft peck of your velvet pouty lips.

“Those twenty bucks we bet on? I win,” you half laugh, half exhale in his ear, your lips brushing against the lobe. “Madani is fucking obsessed with you”.

“Ah,” Billy smiles, both of his hands snaking around your waist now as he looks down at you.

...And I am fucking obsessed with us.

“And you just enjoy rubbing us - this! in her face right now, aren’t you?” he mutters instead, his temples buzzing with the gin and tonic he has been downing all night.

God, he hopes you’re too buzzed to have noticed his slip of fucking epic proportions.

He promised himself he wouldn’t drink, not with you still around - because whatever it was that he felt for you mixed with liquid that burned equaled a very bad outcome.

He might be well into the tipsy territory by now but Billy isn’t delusional. The chances that you would go back to his place or even kiss him back are entirely too slim.

Because friends don’t do friends.

Friends might as well become a new f-word for all Billy cares at this point.

When you throw your head back in an explosive laugh, Billy’s distracted. He gets an extensive view of your elegant neck, your delicate collarbones, but mostly - of the swell of your mouthwatering breasts, as your black silk top tightens over them.

Fuuuuck him.

“Fuck you, Russo”, you echo his thoughts somehow as you wink at him once you’ve restored your breath, not stepping away from his embrace, however, letting him keep his hands on you.

It’s always like this between the two of you. You’ve known each other for a while now - four, five years? After Billy bumped into you at a brunch at Liebermans’ and spilled his frappuccino all over your gorgeous rack. He wasn’t even going to come - but boy, was he glad he did - even though you wasted no time opening that sassy mouth of yours and verbally eviscerating him.

This wasn’t a love at first sight.   For you, at least.

“At least buy me a dinner first,” Billy barely manages, his vision a tad blurry.

He notices you giving him an unimpressed stare. Feeling stupid all at once, Billy blinks quickly and lets go of your waist...

Only to tremble on his feet and almost fall on his face.

“Heyyy,” he registers your breath on his cheek before he hears what you’re saying, your small hands holding him in place. Your touch burns through the fabric of his button down shirt as your palms slide up his sides to his shoulders. “You okay there, Russo?”

Billy squirms, chomping on his bottom lip as he grabs you by your elbows.

‘’M fine”, he says quietly, but doesn’t let go. When he lowers his stare to meet your eyes, he almost wants to cry. There’s concern in their bottomless depths, worry for him and desire to make it all better. He just wishes there was more heat there, and less of that f-word that ends with -riends.

“You don’t look fine, lover,” you retort, wiggling and pushing and pulling onto him until you’re snug under his arms and carrying his dead weight to the exit. “Let’s go get some fresh air, come on.”

Billy utters something half-heartedly, his head feeling like it’s filled with cotton. He didn’t even drink that much, as least he doesn’t think so. Must be your fucking intoxicating perfume, sweet but voluptuous and so fucking tempting...

Pure sin.  

Even drunk out of his fucking mind, he’s still the envy of every guy at that bar because he’s with a stunning, breathtaking, prettiest woman in the whole damn world that is you.

“If you were able to stand right now, that line might have gotten you laid,” you inform him with a laugh, basically carrying him to the exit on your shoulders.

Through the drunken haze, Billy realises he might have spoken those words out loud, but the terror is quickly replaced by...

“Are you shitting me?” He slurs, trying to stay vertical. “Are you saying you want me?”

By the time the words escape his mouth, you have pushed the exit door wide open and nudged him to step out. Losing his balance, Billy crashes into Frank, Stein and Madani, smoking outside.  Dina’s eyes flash mischievously as you step out of the bar, immediately throwing your arms around Billy protectively, helping him to steady himself.

“Oh, so it’s common knowledge now, then?” Dina ventures, licking her lips bloodthirstily, her eyes never quitting yours. “You’ve finally admitted you want to drag that fine Caspian ass in your bed?”

The running joke aimed at Billy looking like a Disney prince feels out of place; all conversation is silenced out as you narrow your eyes at Madani, your grip around Billy’s waist instantly becoming tighter. Frank clears his throat in an attempt to defuse the awkwardness, but doesn’t intervene.

And Billy is... well, happy. Over the moon, actually, and still drunk off his ass.

Apparently, you have been wanting to drag his ass into your bed for a while now!

That does mean you see him more than a friend, right?

What if... What if all this time you were just as hung up on him as he was on you, but neither of you had the balls to say anything?

In his picture perfect drunken world, Madani makes sense and his heart sings.

You want him.

If it were a Disney cartoon, animals would be singing and dancing around praising your couple.

Frankie would have probably made a sick unicorn.

“Oh Dina”, suddenly your voice cuts right through Billy’s happy fantasy, and there’s way too much sass in that voice for it to belong to a Disney princess. “Just because your friend Sam here and your own desperate fan-girling ass carry a boner for some fucked up teenage fantasy that involves boinking Prince Caspian, doesn’t mean all women have that same one-track mind. Some of us can actually look past a dick and see a friend. So why don’t you lay off that Cosmopolitan and fuck off, vodka-cranberry sure ain’t making you brighter”.

Billy frowns, deep lines creasing his forehead.

Frank snorts with laughter, not even bothering to conceal his reaction.     You hold Dina’s hateful stare.

“Whatever, bitch” the latter one finally utters, throwing her cigarette away. “I never fucking liked you. Maybe after this your little fanboy here will see you for what you really are - a fucking coward and a tosser”, Billy’s stares at her in disbelief, his mind still foggy. Madani’s dark eyes flash dangerously in his direction. “Of all women, Russo... Karma is a bitch, isn’t she? Your little princess here only loves herself, lover. Get out while you fucking can”.

Smashing her shoulder into yours, Madani goes back into the bar, leaving equally dreary and awkward silence behind.

“What the fuck was that all about?” Frank isn’t laughing anymore as he folds his hands on his chest, giving you a questioning eye.

You roll your eyes dismissively.

“Well, she’s obviously shit-faced,” you shrug, sliding your hands off of Billy. “What, you’re surprised she hates me?”

It’s a whole another world there, in Billy’s head. Have you just distanced yourself from him after what Madani said? What, you thought he’s so drunk he wouldn’t fucking notice?

“...so just because I have basic restraint and actually appreciate a man as a friend, I’m a damaged bitch with a twisted sense of humour? Look, I don’t know, Frank”, you rub your eyes tiredly with the back of your hand.

“I do,” Billy suddenly chimes in hoarsely, his eyes bloodshot and dark, darker than usual, as they narrow at you. “Know. I know.” Billy stutters, then takes a deep breath. “That’s all I am to you then, sweetheart? A friend?”

Billy wavers a bit as he speaks, but his words are deadly. Your eyes pop wide open at his words, like Russo has just grown a penis on his forehead. Frank’s mouth forms a silent O.

And just like that, the tension is back.

“Well, of course you are my friend,” you say slowly, stretching out your hand in an attempt to grasp Billy’s wrist. Your eyes are searching his face, but he’s locked, like a goddamn prison cell. “You’re my friend and I love you”.

Wrong answer, if Billy’s expression is anything to judge by as he recoils from your touch. His face is a mix of disappointment and anger, his lips a thin line as he turns away.

“Fucking idiot,” he mutters under his breath as he turns on his heels and makes a tentative step towards the bar. Only his body is ruled by gin and whatever shit he chased it with, so his feet get mixed up together. Billy trips over his own shoes.

“Hey, easy there, tiger”, Frank, who’s been standing closer, grips Billy by his arm to help him keep his balance. “What’s gotten into you, man?”

Billy chuckles, throwing his head back, and that has got to be the most bitter sound you have ever heard. You shudder involuntary, watching Russo like a hawk.

“I would have given you the fucking world, you know that?” Billy stares you dead in the eye, grabbing the door handle in front of him. “You just keep fucking with my head like a fucking sadist, and I live by the shit you give me!” you blanch as Billy goes on with the program, hurt dripping from his mouth. “Must have always thought that should be some spectacular pussy you’ve been packing, totally worth all your shit”.

“Bill!” Frank calls him out sharply, his expression terrified.

But the damage is done.  

Your eyes are brimming with tears, but you stay silent, unblinking. Your chest seems a little caved-in, but you hold your chin high as your trembling lips start to move.

“Fuck you, Russo”, you spit, “Fuck you, friend”.

The next thing he knows, Billy explodes in a fit of bitter laughter - even though all he wants to do is fucking cry.

This just goes to fucking show there’s no such thing as Disney fairytale in real life, is there?

“Oh don’t worry, friend, somebody will,” he promises you, swinging the door to the bar wide open. “Gonna go help Madani fulfil her teenage fantasy. While you can stay here, think about us fucking like rabbits and feel better about yourself”.

With those words thrown over his shoulder, he steps into the crowded bar, the sound of the door shutting behind him sounding final.

Plot twist. Curtain falls.

Frank can’t even venture a look at you - he doesn’t even hear you breathing.

“He’s just piss off drunk, that’s it. He doesn’t mean it,” Castle attempts to do some damage control, even though he knows that that ship has most definitely sailed.

“Thanks, Frank,” he hears you say quietly, and as he raises his eyes, he catches the sight of you wiping your cheeks quickly.

You inhale slowly, closing your eyes and fisting your hands.

“Tell Karen and the guys I wasn’t feeling so hot, okay?” you ask, and there’s definitely pleading in your voice.

You never plead.

Before Frank can ever mutter anything about Karen having his head if he lets you walk away at night all alone, you wave at him dismissively.

“I’ll see you”, you say as you collect your hair in a ponytail and walk off, your silhouette soon lost in the bustling New York night.

#billy russo x reader #billy russo x you #billy russo #billy russo angst #the punisher imagine #billy russo imagine #billy russo story #billy russo au #the punisher story #the punisher

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lihikainanea · 3 years

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lei you got me thinking about bills biology letting him down so tiger sucks him soft for just a minute and he actually released a WHIMPER that he tries coughing to cover up

HNNNNNGUUUUUUUUH

hit me again kid. Harder. I like it.

God this is so delicious. Oof.

So like, Bill's biology is a solid NO THANK YOU on the scale of one to boink, and while he's livid and pent up and aching for it, he's also not about to let that stop him from giving tiger every she wants, everything she needs.

And for tiger's part, she's grateful, very thankful that she finally gets the release she needs but like...Bill's hands are magic, but nothing compares to him. The feeling of him inside her stretching her out, his hips pressing into hers, his weight on her. And maybe tiger is just so pent up that this is good enough--she'll take a release any way she can get it--but man, she needs more. She tries to be satisfied, she does, but that pesky oral fixation of hers...oof, it's not so easily placated.

And maybe it happens when he's sleeping, you know? Sidebar--I've talked before about how both of these idiots have had the discussion before and it's cool for one to be all over the other either to wake them up. Bill is sprawled on his back and tiger is laying on his chest, the blanket pulled up high around her shoulders, his thumb in her mouth. He's snoring, his chest rising and falling steadily, his body heat keeping her warm. And she's trying to be content with just his thumb but like...she needs more.

So she shifts a little bit, shimmies so his arms aren't holding her quite so tightly, and then she starts to make her way down. He stirs and she pauses, but after a grumble she hears his soft snores again. She continues down, nuzzling her nose into his happy trail, following it down--and then she slowly, softly, takes him into her mouth. Bill jolts awake, a moan catching in his throat, and then he sighs.

"Oh kid," he tangles a hand in her hair, "As good as this feels, it's just not going to work tonight. I'm sorry."

But then she lets out a whine, the kind that sends a holy of pleasure down his spine every single time. It's her needy whine, her whine that lets him know she's fussy and uncomfortable and that she needs something from him--and then he clues in. She's not doing this for him, she's doing this for her. She's trying to self soothe. His heart melts for her, and he shifts her away as he moves his legs.

"No!" she cries out pitifully, but he tuts her.

"You can have it sweet girl," he soothes, "But I'm going to make it better for you."

He puts a pillow down on the floor, swings his legs over the side of the bed and sits up right.

"On your knees," he says to her gently. Tiger scrambles, nearly tumbles off the bed in her haste and he helps ease her down. She rests her cheek on his knee, and he grabs a blanket from the bed and throws it around her shoulders.

"There," he says softly, "Just how my sweet girl likes it."

He weaves a hand in her hair, the other one grabbing his tip and pulling her into it. She sucks it greedily into her mouth.

"Good girl," he praises, "Nice and gentle tonight."

oof. What a delicious thought. And you can bet the next day--hell, the next day if his biology ain't up to the task, then he's absolutely popping a little blue pill because he needs her, and he needs her now.

#sub tiger #BFF!Bill #bill skarsgard #bill skarsgard drabble #bil lskarsgard fic #bill skarsgard fanfic #bill skarsgard fanfiction

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mauesartetc · 3 years

Note

If the writers want us to like stolitz then why dont they expand more on Stellas character? So far she just looks like the victim instead of the antagonist that the writers obviously want us to see her as. Stella hiring a hitman to kill Stolas is wrong but I mean we dont know what kind of person she was before Stolas started cheating on her. Was she always so cold? Maybe if she was then Stolitz would make more sense (although its still a toxic and creepy relationship in my eyes)

(Possible tw: Description of irl abuse in paragraph 5)

Eh? Why would Stella have any effect on whether or not we like Stolitz? If the two people in the relationship continue to be detestable assholes, what's the point? I feel this is kinda like saying, "Sure, the oven light doesn't come on and the range never gets hot, but what's the deal with that fridge?"

If we consider that Stolas has been a closeted gay dude for all these years (centuries?) and that he has a thing for imps, then his desire to boink Blitzo actually makes perfect sense. It doesn't justify the cheating or treating Blitzo like an object, but that's how Stolas would explain it if the writers let him.

I'm not a fan of the implication that if Stella was "cold" toward Stolas (or "not performing her wifely duties" or some shit), then it's somehow her fault Stolas cheated on her. Seriously, is there any reason he couldn't have simply divorced her long before he even met Blitzo? Is divorce forbidden in friggin' Hell of all places? Writers? Anybody got a clue?

I get that people in abusive relationships sometimes cheat because it's hard for them to safely break up with their abuser. But it seems that's not the case with Stolas due to how brashly he parades his and Blitzo's relationship around in public. He flirts with him at Loo Loo Land, he flirts with him in front of a crowd at the Harvest Moon Festival, and moments after his wife finishes yelling at him about this very topic, he flirts with Blitzo on the phone in front of his daughter.

I've mentioned before that I'm an emotional abuse survivor (a word I'm sad to say I mean somewhat literally), and once, I broke one of my abuser's things on accident. This caused me to freak. The fuck. Out. My breath quickened and my heart pounded as I fumbled around for a solution before she found out. I wasn't even allowed to touch her stuff (yet she touched mine regularly. Yeah, in retrospect, it's easy to see how fucked that is). Thank God I had super glue handy, and thank God she never noticed the fix.

With Stolas, I see none of that. No attempts to keep secrets and no fear of repercussions whatsoever (as if the writers would let him experience any, amirite?). Something's very off about that if we're meant to believe Stella was ever especially cruel or has any sort of power over him.

Stolas' actions are his own to take credit for. He would've cheated on Stella regardless of how she treated him. Yet somehow the writers want us to see her as the asshole here. Uh-huh. Whatever, show.

#ask #anon ask #anonymous #helluva boss #helluva critical #stolitz #anti stolitz #helluva stolas #helluva stella #writing

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thejakeformerlyknownasprince · 2 years

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Re "solving the plot through violence", I think there's a important distinction between Miller's work, where there's a pretty clear throughline from the 80's Batman-as-ubermensch stuff to his wanting to do a Batman Vs Al Qaeda story, and Moore's Watchmen, where there's more of a sense that this is supposed to be something admirable people and role models don't do

Yes, BUT.

Yes: Moore explores a ton of different realism angles in Watchmen. He exposes the "powerful people are good, good people are powerful" fantasy that many of us had not previously noticed underpinning our superhero comics. I don't think we'd have Animorphs in its current form, nor would we have rich character-driven Hawkeye and Red Robin comics today, if not for Moore.

BUT: Moore also puts a hell of a lot of women into refrigerators in the process of making his argument with Watchmen. Silhouette is gay — so she gets murdered, along with her partner, and that conclusion is apparently so obvious that the comic doesn't even offer intervening story. Both Silk Specters are sexually assaulted in different plot lines. Rorschach gets radicalized by witnessing the assault and murder of a little girl. The Comedian shows the reader he's a bad bad dude by beating up his pregnant ex-girlfriend. Dr. Manhattan is sad because every lady he boinks gets cancer. Even the art shows the mOrAl DeCaY of the city with lots of women standing on street corners offering sex, and lots of men beating up women in the background.

So I enjoy Watchmen as a postmodernist comic that forced every other comic to take a level-up in asking "how does Robin's mask attach to his face, anyway?" and in letting its heroes make mistakes. And I enjoy the Watchmen (2019) show even more because it feels like it captures the spirit of the original comic — updating and interrogating our superhero stories in a way that exposes their eugenicist underpinnings — far better than the leadenly faithful 2009 film, and in some ways better than the 1987 comic itself. But I can't be that grateful to a story that also mainstreamed the "what if we killed Gwen Stacy?" approach to making Spider-Man sad.

Oh, and I think you hit the nail on the head that Frank Miller's not interrogating the nationalist-eugenicist-fascist underpinnings of American superheroes; he's actively reinforcing them. I'll take Moore over Miller eight days a week.

#alan moore #watchmen #women in refrigerators #realism #superhero media #misogyny #american superheroes #comics #(almost) nothing to do with animorphs #frank miller #abuse mention #rape mention

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disquietiswhatitis · 3 years

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Why I should be mad Mxy and Lena won’t get to interact:

Lena won’t get to see or find out how many times Kara tried to go back and fix their relationship.

Why I’m actually mad Mxy and Lena won’t get to interact:

That.

But also I want the reveal of another 5th dimensional imp who’s been messing with their timeline. I’m thinking a WAY too involved parent of Mxy’s who screwed with Kara’s life because of Kara’s rejection of their pour sweet baby in 2x13. And how did Mama/Papa Mxyzptlk mess with Kara’s life?

They went back in time and redirected all of the romantic emotions Kara had for Lena to M*n El. (Yes, I know they nearly kissed before Mxy showed up but we’re going to comics-Flashpoint that shit and say the changes echoed backward in time too. Also 5th dimension imps have crazy strong powers over reality.)

Anyway, Mxy kinds of summarizes the course of events that were supposed to happen: Kara slowly developed feelings for Lena over the course of 2A, but paralleling Alex’s journey, she actually started questioning things she thought she knew about herself and recognizes her feelings for what they are. It culminates in her kissing Lena at the end of Luthors (2x12), all the while she’s mentoring M*n El but it stays completely platonic and he actually grows into a semi decent person. It’s a fairly different timeline from there (I’ll get into all that another time) but the key differences are this:

Kara and Lena became aware of their feelings and developed began a relationship much earlier.

Lena finds out about Kara when Kara tells her. It’s much earlier than she did on the show but not soon enough for Lena not to be a little pissed (but she never creates Project Nonsense.) There’s tension but it resolves very similarly to Clois in Jeff Loveness’ “Glasses” story for DC’s Mysteries of Love in Space #1.

Lena and Kara were together for a while and happy when Lex still managed to banish Kara to the Phantom Zone. Kara still saves Lena’s hug for last when she gets back, except she kisses her afterward. The lean in we see Kara do in the current timeline is an echo from the way they were supposed to play out.

That wraps up Mxy’s summary, which of course was all in song form. Kara looks to Lena but Lena can hardly make eye contact with her. They’re both tearing up a little from what they saw. Kara asks Mxy and why tell us now, why not before when he last offered to fix her relationship with Lena (something Lena perks up at, having no idea what’s she’s referring to.)

Mxy explains he just found out about it (because reasons.) He apologizes profusely, especially because he can’t alter them back (because reasons; we’ll place a little bit of blame on Crisis and make a meta joke about the CW.) He tells them he just wanted to make things right as he’s leaving. Standing outside of Kara’s apartment as he adjusts his coat or whatever, he speaks to himself “totally has nothing to do with the fact that their daughter Lori’s birth is an absolute point in the timeline that needs to happen by a certain date or else reality will collapse on itself and those two wonderful but blind lovebirds weren’t going to reach it without a little Deus-Ex-Mxyz-hina.” As he finishes his ramblings, he sees Brainy, with his mouth wide open. He heard every word. Mxy puts a finger to his lips, whispers “shoosh” which even Brainy knows means “keep it secret”, and then teleports away, leaving a completely stunned Brainy to walk back down the hall to the elevator with his jaw open the entire time.

The episode ends with Kara and Lena silently looking at each other.

The next episode involves the rest of the Superfriends handling the B plot while Kara and Lena have a long, long, long talk about everything: past, present, alternate timelines (they talk a lot about Kara’s last visit with Mxy), possible futures. It’s not all fluff; they work through a lot but not everything and it’s not all easy. But they still love each other so much and they want to give it a shot. This next episode still ends with Kara kissing Lena.

The next next episode starts with Kara and Lena in Kara’s bed, clothes all over the floor, Kara being the big spoon and cuddling Lena (because they deserve it and also I had to see all the implications of Kram boinking in 2x14, so I wanted no if’s ands or buts about it when Supercorp do it, but also to make it better and show them more in love.)

#ramblings #supercorp #supergirl #kara danvers #lena luthor #mr mxyzptlk

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writeradamanteve · 3 years

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After Much More Consideration Than Is Warranted for Someone Who Didn’t See the Episode

I have a lot to say, and if you choose to disregard it because you think I don’t know what I’m talking about, feel free to skip.

But if you’re open to my thoughts on all this, buckle up. This is not for the faint of heart or “To All the Boys I Loved Before” crowd—

I’ve had a good night’s sleep and a lot of kvetching on Discord behind me. I’ve had a few hours to think and here’s what I’ve ended up with:

On Betty Hooking Up With Archie

As unpalatable to me as the B*archie plot is, I am of the firm belief that ultimately, Betty has every right to fuck whomever she wants.

Do I hate that she chose Archie? Yes. Did I think this was something Betty and Archie could walk back? No. Would I feel as terrible if she slept with Sweet Pea? Or Reggie? Or Farmer McGinty? Not in the least. I simply hate it because it’s Archie, and I’ll explain in a bit why these earlier thoughts are problematic, but I’ll go into the other better reason I hate this plot: I hate it because this is the third time in five seasons we have to deal with this. I’m tired of it. I have to watch these writers shoehorn this plot in for whatever stupid and misguided reason they have: that Betty’s trauma is making her do it and that they need to have Jughead and Archie have some kind of blowout. Like, can’t they think of anything better?

BUT be that as it may, this plot is here, and so now we come to why assigning hate to this plot “because it’s Archie” is problematic. I asked myself: should it really matter? Objectively, no. Its been 7 years. Jughead shut her down in a voicemail, and as far as she’s concerned, Jughead didn’t want her anymore. Archie’s clearly a selfish prick, but he definitely has no issues about sleeping with his supposed Best Friend’s ex because Reggie, his football bro-dude, did it to him with Veronica and it turned out he was OK with it. He is applying the same here, and ultimately, if Jughead has to find out that Betty and Archie were boinking indiscriminately, he needs to remember that he cut that chord when he left that voicemail. He might not have known it then, but he knows it now, and he has to examine his own part in unraveling that Blue & Gold thread.

On Jughead Womp

Listen, all. I love Jughead, and given everything that’s happened in these episodes, I feel for him. I feel like in some respects, the other characters could be nicer to him, but let’s get one thing straight. Jughead had a lot to do with his own misery and misfortune. Our precious soft boy caused many of the things happening to him now—his distance from Betty, the way the Serpents aren’t forgiving, his writer’s block, his failed relationships, and maybe even the eventual demise of his writing career (if he did send Cora’s manuscript and passed it off as his. At any rate, if he did a “Punching and Fucking” Californication schtick, he will survive it like Hank Moody did).

I love him, but if any discontent is going to be expressed about how the rest of the gang are handling their miserable selves, we can’t place Jughead above it and think the world is against him. No. Just no. Those unpaid bills didn’t unpay themselves. Those mobsters aren’t randomly pursuing him.

Jughead is JUST as disappointing as the rest of them, because he squandered the great opportunities that were handed to him, and then he had the gall to think that the Serpents wouldn’t take his portrayal of them personally.

I say this to him (and maybe to everyone because this is a good life lesson): Goodwill is enduring (he sacrificed his life for Serpents), but people will only endure so much if you shit on them, and in this case, he memorialized that shit in a published book.

On Betty Saying She Wanted to Fuck Archie Since High School

This didn’t even make me blink. Like, I didn’t even feel a twitch about that. @imreallyloveleee said it best in her post but it bears repeating: (1) sexual thoughts aren’t exclusive to the people you love; (2) it doesn’t invalidate your meaningful relationships; (3) Betty could’ve done it with Archie in the bunker, but she didn’t.

I’m not even going to point to, “Well, she liked him until sophomore year so YEAH, she thought about sleeping with Archie.” I think that’s absurd. She did think about sleeping with Archie even after that. Even after she was with Jughead. Archie WAS a thing, and thoughts--especially sexual thoughts, are not static and linear. They are alive and affected by a multitude of chemical reactions in our body. They permeate our daily activities and relationships. She HAD those thoughts and she doesn’t need to apologize for it, or be villified for it.

The funny thing is my initial thought about it was that it was just pillow talk. On the one hand it could be construed as something of a bone she was throwing Archie the Labrador, but it was also something Betty needed to say for herself, a way to convince herself that she was doing this for something more meaningful than a way to cope with being in the Panic Room of her trauma, but this is a conclusion based on nothing but my own biases.That said, it certainly kept me from falling into a black hole of despair over it.

On Betty Sleeping With Men Because She Can

Maybe she has to work on some stuff for her mental health. Maybe she has some trauma, but Betty had enjoyed sex in the past even without trauma. She likes it and sometimes she just needs it. Her sex appears to be responsible, consesual, and she appears to enjoy it. I mean, when she doesn’t feel like it, she says, “Nah,” and stays home with her cat.

#anti-b*rchie #riverdale #anti-archie #betty cooper #jughead jones #riverdale negativity #i stan betty cooper #i stan jughead jones but he is also infuriating

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