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a-pale-azure-moon · 2 years

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Midnight Plays Azure Gleam: Chapter 11

Betcha thought I'd forgotten about this, huh? Just more of real life getting in the way, and me spending most of my gaming time with Dragalia Lost in its waning days of existence (sob). I forgot to mention previously that I am chronically slow with playing through games in general.

This was a very long chapter, so there's a long post under the cut.

The narration says that after dealing with the Western Church, the Kingdom has now set up base in Gerth territory.

Rodrigue's back! He thinks things are finally settled in the western territories, and that the new heads of Houses Gideon, Elidure and Mateus should ensure there's no more internal rebellion.

Ashe is surprised that the rebel houses got to keep their territory. Dedue implies it may be temporary? (His line feels a bit out of place.) Rodrigue says dissenters always arise when the head of a territory is replaced, both among nobles and commoners. Felix is surprised things have gone relatively smoothly, to which Rodrigue reminds him that he has lots of experience with kingdom politics.

(Rodrigue's dad energy is so good. Not just towards Felix and Dimitri but to the Lions as a whole.)

Turning to the war, Dimitri recaps a report from Gustave that Claude is waiting for the ideal time to advance in the east, since Claude doesn't want to face Count Bergliez head on. So the Alliance is going to feign a deadlock and whittle away at the Imperial forces. Which is basically what was shown at the end of the last chapter.

Shez asks if they should wait to advance on Hevring territory until the Alliance can come help. Dimitri says no, since if the Kingdom proves a great enough threat, it will draw more of the Imperial army westward, which will give Claude an opportunity.

Felix wonders if Claude can be trusted. Annette speculates he might be trying to wear the Kingdom down so the Alliance can attack it later. (Again with this stuff. I know Claude's the "schemer" by reputation, but what exactly has he done in this story that makes him so untrustworthy?)

Ingrid at least thinks Claude is on the level, as long as they have the same enemy. ....And then in the next breath says that he's "tricky to pin down." [Sigh] Mercedes doesn't think it hurts to be too cautious. That's not a bad mindset, but this is still coming across as contrived, IMO.

Dimitri offers reassurance, saying that if the Alliance did try anything, Gustave and the Knights of Seiros should be enough to stop it. So we're to proceed with Claude's plan. Dimitri wants to end the war as soon as possible, for the sake of everyone caught in the middle.

Rodrigue asks if Dimitri can "topple" Edelgard. (I'm assuming this is a euphemism for kill.) And he means this from an emotional standpoint, rather than a strategic one. Shez says anyone would hesitate to cut down their own family.

Dimitri asks Rodrigue if he really thinks he's incapable, considering he executed Rufus. He still has questions for Edelgard about Duscur, and then says he's not so different from her in starting wars of their own volition.

(I'm sorry, what? HOW are their actions the same? Dimitri is trying to end the chaos that Edelgard created when she declared war on the Church of Seiros. THIS IS NOT THE SAME THING!)

(I am so effing done with this "both sides" bullcrap. Over and over again the writers keep trying to force this false equivalency between the Empire's actions and the Kingdom's reactions, and it's wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. There is a HUGE difference between starting a war of aggression and defending your sovereign nation and your allies from that aggressor. IT. IS. NOT. THE. SAME.)

Dimitri says that if Edelgard refuses to yield, then he will take her life. (Shades of Azure Moon. Will we get another parlay between Dimitri and Edelgard in this timeline?) Rodrigue is pleased to hear it, and then hands over a letter he found during his inquiry with Viscount Elidure.

...The letter is from Patricia. Oh no.

Rodrigue has already read the letter, and says it has no new information, but he thinks Dimitri will probably find it disturbing. Dimitri says he'll read it later.

...Which is apparently right now for us, because the scene immediately changes to Shez and Dimitri discussing the letter. It was a missive to Viscount Elidure requesting cooperation in the conspiracy. Patricia/Anselma expressed sympathy for the Viscount's objections to Lambert's reforms, and said the Viscount would have a lot to gain from Lambert's death. Dimitri had the letter checked for any signs of forgery, but it's apparently authentic.

So yeah, Patricia did indeed participate in the Tragedy of Duscur. Ouch.

Dimitri says that every memory he has of his stepmother, she was "looking past" him, like the person she really cared for was somewhere else. But he still finds it hard to come to terms with her crimes, even in the face of solid evidence. He says he counted Patricia among the people he wished to avenge, but now she lies "squarely in the path of his fury."

(Note that Dimitri is sad/regretful as he's talking about all this, not angry. What a raw deal he got; the only mother he ever knew, whom he loved as a mother, cared so little for him that she was willing to sacrifice him in a regicide plot so she could go back to the Empire.)

(Press X to hug!)

Shez unhelpfully calls the whole thing "heavy stuff" and then Dimitri notes that something seems to be bothering Shez and asks what it is. (How typical of Dimitri to be worried about his friend while he's grappling with this awful bombshell. Some things never change!)

Shez brings up Myson and how he was familiar with Shez's powers. Shez isn't sure they trust themselves anymore, and wants to know the truth of who they are.

Dimitri says he trusts Shez. Shez asks what would happen if they suddenly transformed and attacked him (foreshadowing?), and Dimitri says he would stop them, and trails off before actually saying he'd kill Shez if he had to.

Shez says death is a good motivator to get their powers under control. Arval is upset that Shez sounds like they're OK with Dimitri killing them if the need arose. Hm....

Camp (Mideastern Gerth Territory)

Dorothea is worried about "Edie" and outright wonders if she's dead.

An NPC mercenary says a bunch of people have been defecting from the Empire lately. Said mercenary is actually one of those defectors; she chose to fight for the Empire at the start of the war because they seemed stronger, but now her money's on the Kingdom.

Now Marianne is worried about Edelgard. What earthly reason does Marianne have to be worried about Edelgard? They weren't even classmates during the whole month the Officer's Academy was open. What the hell?

Annette feels guilty that we're the ones "invading" now. Yes, that's true from a technical standpoint, but.... (That sound you hear in the background is my teeth grinding together.)

An NPC merchant talks about being rescued by the Knights of Seiros. He says he used to think the Central Church was "garbage" but now thinks he was mistaken.

Balthus and Yuri are bickering like a married couple, lol.

An NPC Kingdom Soldier says Jeralt's group works for Randolph. That guy again, huh?

Petra doesn't think Brigid will be having any relations with the Empire after the war. (Good for her.)

Flayn wants to save the people, even if it means fighting to do so.

An NPC Empire soldier expresses concern for Randolph. It's kind of insulting that this game's insisting Randolph's a good guy I should care about when his most memorable appearance in 3H was when Dimitri directly challenged his hypocrisy. Randolph has never been anything more than a Red Shirt.

Rodrigue wonders if he should've given Patricia's letter to Dimitri. (I think he did the right thing for the record, painful as it is.)

Paralogue: Raiders From the North

Woo! A paralogue featuring Dimitri, Sylvain and Rodrigue!

Shez complains about the cold, and says there's no snow (again). Sylvain says it's often coldest where there isn't snow. (Right, I'm sure the beaches of Hawaii are much colder than the top of Mt. Everest. /s)

(For the record, I live in a place that has long, cold winters and I have no idea what Sylvain's line is supposed to mean. It's true that if the air gets cold enough, snow cannot fall, but the coldest section of my state is the one that typically gets the most snow every winter overall, not the least.)

(In other words, give me my goddamn snow map. Or at least stop treating me like an idiot incapable of seeing through your contrived excuses for the lack of one.)

So this is all about invaders from Sreng, as the title implies. Shez asks if Faerghus and Sreng are mortal enemies, and Sylvain says it's not quite that but that there's always been fighting between the two. When Faerghus won the northern campaign years ago, the Sreng leader offered his youngest son as a POW, and that same son is now leading the current raid.

Rodrigue explains that Margrave Gautier's first wife was lost during the Sreng offensive (this is Miklan's mother), but in an effort to foster better relations, Matthias taught the POW the Faerghus language and customs and treated him well. But the prisoner escaped at the first opportunity.

Dimitri notes that our opponent would know more about Faerghus strategies than a typical Sreng commander would.

Matthias enters, and explains that we're heading for a place called the Ruska Mountains. Rodrigue knows the stronghold and notes that it's like their re-enacting the northern campaign. Matthias apologies for dragging Dimitri into this matter, but Dimitri naturally doesn't mind.

Sylvain cracks a joke about slacking off and gets an (implied) death glare from his dad and immediately walks it back, lol.

Rodrigue self-deprecates that he's just a common military man now, and Matthias calls him out on his false modesty. (These two are great together. You can see where Sylvain and Felix get it from.)

Matthias exhorts everyone to make "our king" proud. But I get the impression he's referring to Lambert, not Dimitri.

Pretty big map, but it doesn't look too complicated. The goal is simply to drive back the Sreng army. Matthias joins us as a green unit, and naturally we have to keep him alive.

Dimitri remarks that his father once stood on this battlefield. Sylvain isn't sure how he feels about repeating the same fight.

Rodrigue says he feels like he's fighting beside Matthias and Lambert again. Sylvain is flattered, but doesn't think he can compared to his dad. Dimitri says he's more than worthy of the comparison.

After defeating the Sreng generals, reinforcements come in, and we're given three strongholds to seize in a limited time.

Sylvain says that the enemy's tactics remind him of his father's chess strategies.

At Sylvain's prompt, Rodrigue talks a bit about Matthias' first wife. She was a classmate of theirs at the Officer's Academy, the star pupil of the Black Eagles. Dimitri says Matthias got his "Wall of Ice" title after her death. Rodrigue affirms this, and says that Matthias was lively and cheerful before that. (So he was more like Sylvain, I guess.)

There, seized the strongholds in time....and a buttload of reinforcements come out. The boss music kicks in as the Sreng leader taunts us. Defeating this round of reinforcements lures him out to play. He makes a beeline for Matthias, but since he hangs out at the center of the map, that's not a problem.

The commander has a little friendly-ish banter with Sylvain after he's defeated. Interesting.

A Rank, once again because of a too-low killcount (1356/1600). Paralogue battles in particular seem to have excessively demanding kill requirements. Dimitri won the MVP, naturally.

After the battle, Matthias says he's never seen this kind of ferocity from Sreng forces before, but says he's still surprised the commander tried to "batter" his way into Faerghus like that.

Shez thinks maybe Sreng saw the war as an opportunity for them. Dimitri wonders if someone from Adrestia incited them to attack, and Rodrigue mentions it could've been Cornelia's allies. (He likens them to a "bad rash," lol)

Matthias says the fault is still his for educating the Sreng commander in the first place. Sylvain says he shouldn't blame himself, and Dimitri points out that because the commander spoke their language, Sylvain was able to speak with him briefly.

Dimitri says he was raised to think of the Sreng people as demons, so even exchanging a few sentences with them feels like a "miracle." Sylvain agrees, as they can't achieve peace without understanding each other.

Matthias gets angry, since he can't see a way to peace with Sreng. Sylvain tells him he'll find a way, even if it takes his whole life. Matthias calls him naive and storms off. Rodrigue runs after him.

Dimitri compliments the earnestness of Sylvain's words. Sylvain reiterates that he's determined to make peace between Faerghus and Sreng somehow. Dimitri agrees that there's no need to use military might if another way is possible, and say he appreciates the way Sylvain thinks. Sylvain says he's impressed with how much Dimitri hates warfare considering he's good at it. (This whole exchange between them is great stuff; it's like the A support they never got in 3H. <3)

Shez asks if the Margrave will be OK. Sylvain says if Matthias really thought he was a naive idiot, he wouldn't have said anything at all.

Cut to Rodrigue and Matthias. They reminisce a bit about their time as students, and Matthias says Lambert wanted to forge peace between Faerghus, Duscur and Sreng. (Knowing that makes what happened to him even more tragic. Ouch.) Matthias remembers calling Lambert naive back then, but now wonders if he's actually the naive one, because he can't see things now as Lambert once did. He wonders if maybe peace with Sreng is possible after all.

Rodrigue says he hasn't changed at all, and tells him that if he regrets what he said to Sylvain, he should apologize. Matthias agrees.

...But we don't get to see that scene, though we get the Lance of Ruin (woo!) which strikes me as a very "Faerghus Dad" way of apologizing.

Really liked this paralogue. The battle was fun, there's some interesting worldbuilding bits and some great character interactions. Good stuff all around!

Battle

So we're taking on the forces of four Imperial houses at once, including Essar and Ochs, who should sound familiar. Dimitri reminds the group that we're the invaders this time. This particular short speech is fine on its own, but since it sits on top of the steaming pile of both-siderisms the game keeps throwing out, I can't help but be a little annoyed by it. Again.

Annette says this battle is the key to stopping the war. Ashe says he believes in this path, and Felix, Dedue and Sylvain chime in with similar sentiments, along with their support for Dimitri. Rodrigue says it's time to show the Empire what happens when they cross the people of Faerghus.

Another very big map, with an intimidating kill count of 2000. (Ugh). Our final Wolf, Constance, is here to recruit, and so is everyone's favorite sleepyhead, Linhardt. Opting to recruit them both requires nearly all of the Strategy Points!

Starting off, it's the usual "defeat the vanguard and seize a few marked strongholds" thing. Mercedes thinks it seems too easy, which is probably a hint that there will be something different on this map soon enough.

Seizing the next designated area now makes Rodrigue think things are going too smoothly.

Ah, now we get to pursue Monica. We also have to seize many more strongholds, some of which are annoyingly behind locked gates. There's a Gatekeeper we have to take out first.

....And of course, it's some kind of trap. Defeating the Gatekeeper spawns Hanneman, who proceeds to start dropping Bolting spells. Linhardt also appears (as a Holy Knight!) with a bunch of reinforcements.

Oh and there's Constance too, jeez. As well as some of the faceless Imperial nobles who sound very eager to bury the Faerghus army.

There, recruited Constance and Linhardt. Linhardt sounds super whiny after being defeated, lol.

The faceless nobles just retreat after being defeated. I'm a little disappointed. If the game wants me to feel bad for invading, it's gotta let me draw some blood, you know?

Oh, we get to actually kill Baron Ochs. Not that it matters since he's not really a character. Monica's reaction to his death is pretty underwhelming too, but she does finally come out to fight.

And Manuela's here now too. Haven't seen her yet at all, I don't think.

Oh come on! Even Monica just retreats. I wonder if she'll be like Ferdinand and Hubert and conveniently die/disappear offscreen. Does this game want me to feel bad about fighting the Empire or not?

So there's a gimmick with Manuela and Hanneman, in that she'll keep healing him when you bring his HP close to zero. There's probably a limit to how many times she does this? I don't know, but Rodrigue points you to defeat her first, so that's what I did. And yup, they both just retreat upon defeat. [Eyeroll] Dimitri speculates we might see them again though, so...maybe that's foreshadowing.

The final boss is Duke Gerth. Why this guy and not one of the characters we actually know? For a "climatic" clash, this is seriously underwhelming in terms of drama.

...Holy crap even Duke Gerth retreats. [Facepalm]

I got the S Rank! I just barely eked out enough kills, 2060. Dimitri won the MVP, yet again.

Post Battle

Rodrigue says the Imperial nobles will battle to the end to fight for their homes (which is why they run away after being defeated, apparently /s), just as the Kingdom would. This is true, and exactly what I would expect. Sylvain says it's exhausting just thinking about it, and Ingrid reminds him that they're doing this to bring peace to Fodlan.

Dimitri says that if the Empire and Kingdom can't coexist, then there's no choice but to fight. Sylvain agrees, since it's obvious what'll happen to Faerghus if Adrestia is left to do what it wants.

Rodrigue is impressed with everyone's resolve, and says the future of Faerghus is bright. (That great dad energy again!) He says that when the war's over, the king's the one who will get labeled as the invader. (That is usually how things work in history.) Felix gets mad and tells him not to put everything on Dimitri. Rodrigue tells him that his duty as the Shield is to support the king. Felix scoffs and says that's obvious.

Cut to Shez and Rodrigue alone. He's up late doing strategy work, so as to make things easier for Dimitri. They both comment on Dimitri's workaholic tendencies, and Rodrigue says Lambert was like that too.

Interesting: Lambert also became king at a young age. Shez asks if Dimitri is that much like his father, and Rodrigue says they'd be hard to tell apart if they were in the same room together now. (D'awww) He does add that Lambert apparently had a shorter temper, but that they're overall birds of a feather, unlike himself and Felix.

Shez says that Rodrigue and Felix actually are pretty similar (they actually are, once you get past Felix's tsundere-ness), with how they both take initiative on important matters. Rodrigue is flattered, and tells Shez to say that to Felix as well, lol.

He says Felix is a lot like him, but in ways he'd hoped they wouldn't be. Shez asks what he means, and Rodrigue says both he and Felix need some greater purpose in life. Rodrigue devoted himself fully to supporting and serving Lambert, and when he died, he lost his reason for living, and had to search for a new one. In the end, he renewed his devotion to Lambert by seeing through a promise he made. Shez asks what that promise was, and Rodrigue says that he was to set Dimitri back on the proper course if he ever strayed from it.

(The feels! If you've forgotten, this is a direct callback to Azure Moon. Rodrigue's promise was expressed/recalled when he died protecting Dimitri after Gronder.)

(...Wait a minute...)

Rodrigue says he won't be here forever, and he's glad Dimitri has friends like Shez. Shez says they feels like Dimitri's the one helping them, not the other way around.

Oh man. Rodrigue says it's not enough to simply stand by Dimitri's side and support him; he "needs someone to grab his hand and pull him in the right direction."

In other words....

[Squeeing noises]

Shez asks if Rodrigue doesn't think he can do that, even with Gustave's help. Rodrigue says he and Gustave are just Dimitri's retainers, and so can't see Fodlan through his eyes. But Shez stands on equal footing with him as his friend.

(Ugh, that line immediately jerked me out of my happy zone. I'm outright starving for any kind of Dimileth crumbs at this point.)

They talk a bit about Shez's background, and then Arval comments that Rodrigue is a true man of character and a wonderful person. (Agreed!!) Then Rodrigue asks for Shez's thoughts on how to stage an ambush, and we fade to black.

I enjoyed this scene with Rodrigue immensely, but it's giving off the same vibe as his late-night conversation with Byleth before Gronder, and we all know what happened there. Should I be worried?

This chapter was very much a mixed bag. The paralogue was great, there were some good side battles, and there's the emotional moment with Dimitri about his stepmother and this moving conversation with Rodrigue. The main battle was fun to play but abysmal in terms of executing the drama the narrative was trying to build, and the attempts to "both sides" this conflict continue to be infuriating, if not outright insulting to my intelligence. [Shrug]

#fe3hopes #few3h #azure gleam #blue lions #midnight plays azure gleam

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iflyaway · 1 year

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I’ve been following this drama about a world of these power mages, the monarch and evil sorcery that exists. Amongst the most evil sorcery is one where the person performing it would switch souls with another and take over their body essentially killing them.

Throughout the drama I found the main message that the writers wanted to get across was the relationship between power and greed. A powerful assassin was going to switch her soul, but instead ended up losing all her power. She meets a man who’s energy gate was closed as to not access power. In exchange for opening the energy gate, he agrees to help her regain her power. But they fall in love, they make friends and they cherish the people around them. In the end, they both choose to lose their power.

The king and the rest of the assembly is greedy for power. They want to keep switching into bodies so to gain power and continue to live eternally. The righteous understands that all life and power will eventually die and that is the natural course. Selfish desire and greed to extend life while hurting others is evil

The love story between the powerful assassin and the King’s Star is bitter and sad. They must sacrifice their selfish desire to do what is right. And that is what they do, that is what makes them more righteous than the king and the other powerful mages.

“Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For, ‘Whoever would love life and see good days must keep their tongue from evil and their lips from deceitful speech. They must turn from evil and do good; they must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil’ Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. ‘Do not fear their threats; do not be frightened.’ But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behaviour in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. For it is better, if it is God’s will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil. For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive in the Spirit. After being made alive, he went and made proclamation to the imprisoned spirits - to those who were obedient long ago when God waited patiently in the days of Noah while the ark was being built. In it only a few people, eight in all, were saved through water, and this water symbolizes baptism that now save you also - not the removal of dirt from the body but the pledge of a clear conscience toward God. It saves you by the resurrection of Jesus Christ, who has gone into heaven and is God’s right hand - with angels, authorities and powers in submission to him.” (1 Peter 3:8-22)

It is a difficult reality to grasp that I have died and saved by Christ through His Spirit. When I accepted Christ, continuing on from when I was baptized and until now, I am being made new. I am being refined by Him so that I can live a life that is fragrant of His Spirit. That His Spirit will takeover my life. The “me” before Christ was someone who was fearful, who was angry, who wanted attention and to be loved, someone who lied and hides. But this is not the “me” that I a becoming. The “me” that I am becoming is someone who loves, who perseveres, who is faithful and gentle, who is kind and patient, someone who has full confidence that the Father loves her and that she can rest on that truth. There is no need to please others, nor is there a need for external comfort or validation. I am forgiven because I have accepted the gift. I have given my life to You as a living sacrifice. And so my prayer is for You to show me the way to live this out. Please speak louder than all of my insecurities and the human desires in my heart.

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themageking · 1 year

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The Mage King

Fantasy and Action Novel

Word Count: 589

An Original Story

A fantasy story in a world where magic gives your country status. For years, Alexanders country has been without. No magic, no king. They’ve gone to the waste side. As he and his friends become the first mages in his country in over 10 years. How will the young mage become king and rally his kingdom to become more?

Chapter 1: The Day Everything Changed

Waking up on your 10th birthday is a dream come true for most kids. The day you find out if you're a mage or not is the best experience possible for both parents and children. But for me, and my kingdom it's the worst days of our existence.

We haven't had a mage in 25 years. This means we haven't had a true king in years; And without a true mage king, no kingdom wants to acknowledge the kingdom's existence. Our kingdom has been a wasteland since my birth, and I'm tired of it. I'm an orphan and no one cares or wants to help me. No one even bats an eye that I'm hungry or that I have to steal and hide to make it. I hate this life.

"Alexander" a peaceful voice came through my broken and rigid door, the voice that lights my day and one of the only people I'd fight for.

"Amara come in." I fumble over my bed trying to hurry and slip a shirt on.

Amara was another orphan, one of 3 of us to be exact, and as her bright brown eyes and long locs that can put royalty to shame came in she grinds hard. "Happy birthday to us" she jumps with enthusiasm. Her arms wrap firmly around me and I can feel the worry and dread about today in her embrace.

'' No matter what happens we're friends right?" Her words cut me and left a deep wound. Before I could finally say a word the door opened again.

"Luka!" Amara races to him and hugs him,

"You're still wearing that winter hat huh." I roll my eyes knowing it's just to cover his long shaggy hair.

''And you still haven't grown out your hair" he replied, putting his hand in my nappy hair and giving me a grin.

I shake him off and grab my black and red jacket. "Let's go it's our birthday' both of them smile at us and we all run out the door. We climb the first ladder we see and this is where our day truly begins. I jump from building to building flipping and rolling off falls. I'm the fastest so as long as I keep running they can't catch me.

Then I hear such odd footsteps behind me " You don't think I've been training for this' ' Amara catches up. But some things off, I stop and she does a flip higher than I've ever seen her take and she starts to glow. Before I knew it she was engulfed in light. We try to run toward her but we get blasted back. Not the one thing I was dreading.

She steps out a bright red crystal outlined in gold now placed upon her head, her eyes glowing with a slight red tone and her hair longer than before.

"She's a mage!" Luka bows and she gives him a smile and a gesture to stand in her presence. I can feel the energy around her. She gave a huge smile. But as she opened her lips to speak a dark cloud came behind her and snatched her by her neck. A boy not too much older than us, with a short shaggy hand and crimson red eyes that could burn the walls of hell looks at us.

" Your kingdom can never have another mage." He looked at her and started to choke her.

I watch her eyes drift and as she slowly passes out I scream and something takes over me.

#drama #fantasy #kings #good vs evil #original story #growing up #magic #nobility #blackowned #powers #black authors #alexander #rags to riches #mage #king #mageking #original content #original post #original writing

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slynbarnes · 1 year

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Embers: Season 3 Episodes 1-10

S3 E1:

(You are alone, sitting at the mirror in your room putting in your little diamond stud earrings. You look down and touch the charm bracelet on your wrist rubbing at the little ferris wheel.)

B: It’s time to go, doll.

Y/N: (You nod, a few more tears falling from your eyes.)

B: We are all here for you. You won’t be alone. (He reassures you.)

Y/N: Is Lucas ready? (Your voice comes out small and hushed.)

L: I’m right here mom. (His voice comes out quiet from just behind Bucky. Lucas is having a bit of a hard time with Leo being gone. Despite the fact he wants his parents together he actually liked Leo as a person.)

B: (Rubs small circles on Lucas’ back to calm his nerves.) We are all ready. The team is downstairs trying to figure out who is riding with who.

Y/N: So you are all waiting on me?

B: No, we still have 15 minutes before we have to leave or we will be late but we should leave a little earlier, just in case of traffic.

Y/N: Okay. Can I have just a moment alone? I will meet you downstairs in 5.

B: Of course. (Looks to Lucas) Come on buddy, let’s go find Uncle Steve.

(After the boys leave you take a moment to yourself, a few more tears escaping down your cheeks.)

S3 E2:

(The funeral)

(Everyone is saying kind words and sharing memories but your mind keeps finding itself in that moment, the moment he fell to the floor and ceased to exist. You can hear Mia crying hysterically only a few people away from you being held by her grandmother Celia. You know you will have to say a few words, you want to, you want to apologize for what happened and for not fighting him harder, fighting for him harder and for letting everyone convince you to let him come on that stupid mission with you.)

Y/N: (You slowly walk towards the head of his casket next to the picture of him, your hand brushing along his face and the wreath of white flowers matching those on his casket.) Hi, I-I am y/n. I am- was Leo’s girlfriend… Leo is.. was… a very special person. Full of life and energy and most of all love. Love for the people around him, his beautiful daughter Mia, for life itself, his family… and me. Leo was always happy to be alive and he never took a single day for granted. He made the best of every bad situation and persevered through it all. He was brave down to his last moments. There is so much I wish I could have said to him, so much I wish I would have done differently. (You can feel the lump in your throat grow, you cant get the rest of your words out.) I…I wish… He um…(Tears threaten your eyes, burning. You feel hands wrap around you pulling you away. Pulling you to the back of the crowds. When you finally look up you can see Buck’s tags and immediately know you are safe. Emotionally safe.) It’s all my fault. (You whisper.)

B: It wasn’t you, Hydra is the only one at fault here.

Y/N: I pulled the trigger. (You quietly sob into his chest.)

(A small somber voice speaks next behind you. When you look up you can see people staring and whispering at you.)

?: Clearly she didn’t care about Leo all that much if she is in another man’s arms so soon. The audacity she has to do it publicly and at his funeral too.

?: Wasn’t she the one who killed him?

?: Yeah, I heard he was helping the Avengers and she killed him instead of the bad guys.

?: She should be ashamed of herself for coming here.

Mia: (Next to the casket as it lowers into the ground.) I want my Daddy…(She falls to the ground sobbing.) I love you daddy.

(Watching Mia cry over her father breaks something deep inside you, you are the reason she is an orphan… your the reason she is grieving again. Her voice crying out for him is one you will never forget.)

S3 E3:

(You, Bucky and Lucas are walking back to the car together when Mia and Celia (Her grandmother) run into you.)

Mia: How could you? I thought you loved my dad?

Y/N: (Your voice begins to shake) I did… I do. Mia, I-

Mia: NO! You killed my father!

Y/N: Mia, I never wanted to hurt him…

Mia: But you did and now he is gone forever! You are a murderer! You are no hero!

Y/N: (Kneeling to her level.) If I could take it all back, I promise you I would.

Mia: I wish he never had met you!

Y/N: Me too… (You mutter under your breath.)

Celia: I think thats enough, sweetheart. I don’t want you getting too worked up. Let’s go home.

(They both take the last few steps to their car and Celia gets Mia in the car before turning back to you. She walks back to where you are now standing.)

Celia: (Clears her throat getting your attention from Bucky who is holding you as you cry.)

Y/N: (You turn around to see her standing there) Celia?

Celia: I thought you may want to know that he had this in his pocket the day he died. (She pulls a small box out from her jacket pocket and your heart drops into your stomach.) He was going to ask you to marry him. He had talked to me a few weeks prior saying he was just waiting for the right time. He may not have been the best at showing his feelings especially after Sarah but he fell head first in love with you. So I hope that you always carry the guilt of killing my son with you. (She then walked away leaving you with the ring in hand. Leaving you completely at a loss for words.)

S3 E4:

(Month One: Guilt/Depression)

(Inner monologue thoughts: I should have let him kill me… But what about Lucas… But I still took Mia’s only parent, Lucas at least would have had Buck…This is all my fault… I never should have let him come with. Tony, Wanda, Bucky, Nat, Thor, Bruce, Scott, Sam, Steve, and Clint come to check on you, rotating out watching over you.)

(You have been laying in bed for days crying. Nothing is pulling you from your guilt.)

W: (Sitting on the bed next to you) I know this is hard Y/N. But you have to know that you had an impossible choice to make.

(You sniffle but stay quiet, waiting for her to leave.)

(Bucky has been with you everyday since his death, not leaving your side unless he was taking care of Lucas. He even is sleeping in your room on the floor just to keep an eye on you.)

(A few days later)

Clint: Y/N? I just wanted to come in and see how you were holding up. (He sits next to you as you lay silent. He places a hand on your shoulder, making you sob a little harder.) I know how hard this has to be for you. We all are here for you and are worried about you. I know there is nothing I can say to make you feel better but just know you will never be alone.

(You still stay silent)

Y/N: (*In your own thoughts*) I should have let him kill me… Mia is right, I am no hero. I am everything Hydra made me to be. I’m the villain. I killed an innocent man.

(Most have been trying to give you space while others watched over you but, everyone knows you just need some time. They all know what it’s like to take someone’s life but this is different you took the man you loved life from him, you orphaned a child. They can only imagine what your going through.)

(A week later)

BB: Y/N, I’m coming in. I brought you a glass of water. (He says sitting down next to you.) I was thinking that maybe, just maybe it would be good for you to talk to someone. Anyone really. This isn’t good for you.

(You ignore him, you don’t want to talk. Not to him or to Wanda or anyone and especially not a therapist.)

(Bruce leaves just as Nat and Scott enter.)

Scott: Hey bestie, you don’t look so good.

N: We brought you some tea, we thought you may like it a little better than the water Bruce brought you.

Scott: We miss you Y/N.

N: We all do. Especially Lucas, he is always asking about his momma.

(You take the cup from Nat but still stay quiet. You make it clear you don’t plan to speak so they leave it there and let you be.)

(11 days later.)

T: Hey kid, I know you don’t want to talk to anyone but… (He says kneeling in front of you so he can see your teary eyed face.) as your big brother, I am becoming more and more worried about you. It’s been almost a month and you haven't spoken a word since the funeral. Bucky told me you have refused most all of your meals, which isn’t hard to see. You look frail. We need you back y/n. (He reaches over brushing a piece of your hair from you face a placing a kiss on your forehead.) I love you kid, I hate seeing you hurting so much.

S3 E5:

(Month Two: Anger/Depression)

(Its been a week since anyone has come to visit, your sure they are out on missions and that’s fine by you. Maybe everyone is taking the hint that talking wont make you feel any better. Bucky still hasn’t left your side, he has brought you food and somedays he even has brought Lucas to see you thinking maybe it would help both him and you. He kept Lucas away trying not to let him see you so upset but he doesn’t know what else to do.)

W: (Walks in quietly and sits in the chair in front of you. Wanda knows you dont want to talk so she doesn’t say a word.)

Y/N: (*In your thoughts*) Would people just leave me the hell alone.

W: No.

Y/N: (You glare at her)(*In your thoughts*) Get out of my head Wanda.

W: (She smiles at you.)

Y/N: Get out of my room Wanda and stay the hell out of my head. (You growl at her.)

W: (Wanda leaves and stays clear of your mind just like you asked, she got what she wanted anyhow. You spoke. She walks across the hall where Bucky is at the door watching Lucas draw.) Hey..

B: Hi Wanda.

W: We made progress.

B: What do you mean?

W: She spoke. Out loud and in her thoughts.

B: What did she say?

W: She is angry, she told me to get the hell out and to stay out of her head.

B: (He laughs a little.) She never liked talking when she was sad unless someone pissed her off or unless I made her smile. Making her smile when she was sad always made her mad too but hey it works.

W: So that means she is still in there.

B: Yeah, she is. She just needs time. (Looks back into the room) Lucas?

L: Yeah?

B: You want to see your mom?

L: Yeah!

(Bucky takes Lucas over to let him climb in bed with you. You immediately snuggle up with him, your whole body relaxes now that your boy is with you.)

(A few weeks Later)

B: Hey, doll. I brought you some dinner.

Y/N: (Stays quiet.)

B: It was good, you know, Wanda made it.

Y/N: I don’t want to eat.

B: She speaks. (He smiles.)

Y/N: Just go away James.

B: Oh so I’m James now?

Y/N: Yes because you won’t leave me alone.

B: (He takes a deep breath knowing what he is about to do is a risk but he has to try.) You don’t want to be left alone. You just want to let yourself feel miserable but not tonight. (He wraps his arms under you, pulling you tight against him so he can hold you.) Tonight you are going to eat and then rest. And I will make sure you don’t feel alone for a second of that. (He whispers in your ear.)

(You begin to cry again. You can’t remember the last time someone held you like this. Allowed you to feel comfort. Usually you are the one trying to hold everything together but not tonight. Tonight you get to be the one held together.)

S3 E6:

(Month 2: Anger)

T: Hey sis.

Y/N: Go away Tony, I don’t want to talk.

T: Fine then listen, I don’t like being the one to have to say this but you need some tough love right now. We all have lost someone on the job. We all have been there but we keep moving, keep doing our job and helping people. You have a son to think about Y/N. You can’t keep laying in this bed starving yourself, and drinking all day letting yourself waste away. Lucas needs you. We all do. We all miss you and hate seeing you like this. We all are aware of how hard it all is but its been 2 months of you torturing yourself. It’s enough. Clean yourself up, you stink. Get yourself ready and come join us for lunch.

Y/N: (You turn over and stand up out of bed, looking directly at him.) You really think you know what it’s like Tony? (You snipe at him) You don’t. None of you do! You all save others and always have been heroes. Me? No. I am a killer. I have taken more lives than I would like to ever admit. I am a trained assassin from a nazi terrorist group. I was an idiot to think that I could ever escape my past by trying to move forward with someone normal. And look what happened. I was in danger running from my past yet again and even when I tried to do the right thing, I ended up killing the man I loved! I took away a girl's only living parent! I orphaned a child! I had the choice to kill myself or him and I made the wrong decision! But then again they would have just tortured him like they did me and Bucky if I would have killed myself and Mia still wouldn’t have a father. No matter what I did I was the villain. Me! You and the rest of the avengers may have had casualties in battle but I made the conscious decision to put the gun to his head and end Leo’s life! So stop trying to act like you all know what this is like! You don’t and you never will. The only thing anyone has been right about is that the decision was impossible but you will never understand the guilt. Leo never should have been on that mission! So no! I don’t want to come eat lunch with everyone and act like I didn’t murder my boyfriend. I can’t. I- I deserve to feel it all. As for my son, his father and him are fine without me. I am no good to him like this anyhow and I don’t know when I will be.

T: You’re right we don’t know what that's like. But you are wrong about it being your fault. Hydra took your choices away. They put you in that impossible situation. You couldn’t have known that they would do that.

Y/N: Actually I did. I knew that there were risks, risks like that and that's why I said I didn’t want him going but he insisted and I didn’t fight him. I am guilty Tony. Of so much more than anyone even knows…

T: Well, then why don’t you tell us? Help us understand.

Y/N: (You let out a sob) Because if you all knew... It would make it real. You would look at me differently if you knew.

S3 E7:

(TIME JUMP: 2 ½ MONTHS LATER. AKA almost 5 months after Leo’s death.)

(In the meeting room)

T: We have to do something. She isn’t telling us all of the story, she isn’t eating, or talking, she won’t leave her bed or her room and she is angry all the time. It’s been almost 5 months since the mission, she needs to be better.

N: She threw a plate at me the last time I tried to talk to her so I’m with you on that one.

B: Can’t take a plate Nat? (He jokes trying to lighten the mood.)

N: I can handle it but she is out of control.

B: I know. (He is much more serious this time)

BB: I tried to give her an IV to Hydrate her so she doesn’t die on us and she poked me with the needle… I know she is hurting and wants to let herself die in there but someone needs to get through to her.

T: I tried and she yelled at me… She has a point about some of it though. We haven’t been exactly where she is.

W: Yeah, she does. Did anyone tell her that we got the charges dropped?

B: No, she feels guilty and believes she deserves to be punished so I haven't told her yet. I’m scared it might piss her off.

N: Someone has to. Her name is cleared, nobody sees her at fault for what happened… except for Leo’s family but they were not in the room when HE made the decision to go on this mission even though HE knew there were risks.

S: Bucky may be the only one to get through to her. I think it has to be him. She loves us and we love her but Buck, you and y/n have something far deeper than the rest of us have with her.

W: Ain’t that the truth. (She says knowingly.)

S: She trusts you enough to let you close, even when she is being distant. She’s been letting you sleep next to her for a while now without trying to physically harm you or yell at you.

T: Steve’s right, Barnes. You are the only one she hasn’t yelled at or tried to harm and she allows you to stay close by. You have to be the one to do it.

B: Okay. I will try. What are we going to do about Hydra? They have stayed quiet all these months and we barely made it out of there. They had Steve, Clint, and Nat in pretty rough shape and obviously they took Leo, taking him out. Making y/n do it, that took her out and the rest of us had to clean up the mess. We got lucky to take our old branch down but there are far more that would gladly come after my family. We may have taken one head but we know their motto. Hydra will come at us again and we can’t just be sitting ducks. We need a plan.

S: Right now we need to focus on getting our teammate back after that we will come up with a plan.

T: For now we just keep our guards up. Keep the building on lockdown and stay in communication. Hydra has laid low on this for some time now so as long as we don’t go looking for trouble and we have our guards up we should be fine. Any questions?

Everyone: No.

T: Go on with your day.

B: (Stands up) I think I may have an idea. She is not going to like it. So if she tries to kill me or you hear screaming just keep on with your day.

S3 E8:

(Bucky walks into your room, you still are in the same spot he left you an hour ago. He walks over and without a word scoops you up into his arms bridal style.)

Y/N: What are you doing? Set me down!

B: Nope. I know you are blaming yourself, doll. I did the same thing everytime they would torture you because I would refuse to hurt you myself. And the time they told me to kill you and if I didn’t they would wipe me? Yeah, I have been there in those impossible decisions. Put myself through hell or kill the woman I am in love with. I know the guilt you feel because when they decided to torture you I knew that it’s because of me. The thing is if I did what they had asked, you would have been dead. For me, you dying is worse than me dying because I would have had to live with it and without you but watching them torture you and hearing your screams killed me. Hydra loves their lose lose situations. I am done letting you torture youself for something out of your control. I know it hurts babydoll but don’t let it kill you.

(Bucky sets you in the tub and starts running nice hot water as he strips you down. Tears flow down your face as you realize the one person who has never left your side actually does understand. How you didn’t remember all that you're not sure but he was right. They put him in compromising positions all the time. He may not have killed you but he tortured himself they same way you are now.)

(You sit in the tub as Bucky washes your hair and detangles it. The hot water feeling nice on your tense, aching muscles and over your stale skin.)

Y/N: Thank you.

B: (Smiles.) I told you, I’m always here for you no matter what. (He says as he finishes getting you out of the tub and finding your clothes.)

S3 E9:

(That night you can’t sleep so you sneak out of your room down to the kitchen for a drink after noticing Bucky had left to either check in on Lucas or go to get some sleep for himself since he has been taking care of things for so long now, which you feel horrible about, he is probably exhausted.)

Y/N: FUCK ME! God… you scared me. (You nearly fall on your ass jumping back when you realize you're not alone.)

B: Well, if you’re asking I wouldn’t be opposed.

Y/N: BUCK!

B: You said it!

Y/N: Not like that… (You say blushing, a small giggle slips through the cracks of your smile.)

B: Oh so she laughs. (He happily points out.)

Y/N: And somehow you would be the one person to get me to crack. (You roll your eyes, the smile still cracking at your lips.)

B: I know you hate smiling when you're upset but, I have to admit I have really missed hearing that beautiful laugh of yours.

Y/N: (You smile) I missed it too…(You admit.) Buck… I’m really sorry.

B: Don’t apologize.

Y/N: No, I need to. Thank you for stepping up with Lucas. I have been a terrible mother. Actually, I haven't even been a mother all these months. You are an amazing father Buck. I couldn’t have done this without you. I have a lot of apologies to make, but you deserve to be the first. You never gave up on me. Even when I gave up on myself.

B: That’s because I get what you're feeling, I know it’s hard but I knew with time you would be okay. You are a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for.

Y/N: I don’t feel like it.

B: (Wrapping you up in his arms) You have been fighting for your life since you were a teenager. You have been through hell and yet you are still standing here today and that takes strength, my doll. Everyone has moments of weakness but you keep going and that is what makes you so strong.

Y/N: You are the best.

B: I know.

Y/N: (Laughs)

B: Please don’t ever stop laughing again. I really did miss it. (He kisses your temple.)

Y/N: Okay.. but only because you asked.

S3 E10:

(You're in the training room alone, trying to start getting back in shape after the last few months but your mind floods with memories of you and Leo.)

(Montage)

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craftywhispersperfection · 2 years

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Dating as a Short Man the Highs and Lows

Again, customer convenience and satisfaction as our major objectives when creating the Ladadate international dating website. But not a simple copy-p again, I "borrowed" from a friends diner conversation who almost take the full night because we all have our own view about it. Take the quiz to find out what type of dating personality you really have! A source told People that they were seen making out in the airport before they boarded their private jet. Experts are warning singles to steer clear of a new dating trend that sees people use “toxic” tactics to reel an uninterested partner back in. With cookie jarring, someone invests substantial time and energy into one person, giving them the impression that they are only dating them and are moving towards commitment, while also seeing other people. The online dating marketplace has undergone dramatic changes since we conducted our first study on this subject in 2005. In particular, many services now offer cell phone apps that allow users to update their profile, search the profiles of others, and find potential dates in their area using their mobile phone.9 For the first time in our 2013 survey we asked specifically about the use of these cell phone dating apps.

Do you like going on dates? Before writing this blog I looked up the online meaning of “chivalry is dead” and it is now used by women saying “It’s a phrase that many women cry out in frustration as they read crude messages on dating apps and recount first dates gone wrong.” It seems like dating apps are used by many different things who all have different plans for using them. You'll meet interesting and compatible Latino men and Latina women that you might not see on other Hispanic dating sites, since Match.com's responsible for more dates, relationships and marriages than any other site today. Women were actually slightly less likely to be scammed than men - but were far more likely to report and talk about it. The second guy I saw his wedding band in more of his photos and immediately unmatched and blocked. It has got me where I am over the last 40 years! • By entering dating chat, you agree to be at least 17 years of age or older. Although online dating sites are relatively common among a range of age cohorts, mobile dating apps are primarily popular with Americans in their mid-20s through mid-30s.

In terms of demographics, online dating is most common among Americans in their mid-20’s through mid-40’s. Most users don’t really provide enough explicit detail at-scale to generate paired matches, which is also the motivating factor behind modern dating apps restricting everybody to “1-5 pictures and a one sentence description” profile formats. The benefits that came with the “women first” marketing don’t exist. “It’s confusing to ask.” Also, you don’t want to need to do that kind of stuff for them, so… Sophisticated search engines. I’m already seeing search engine parameters that can match image features, so singles will soon be able to search cyberspace for their ideal partner, without the need to join any dating site. I’m not ugly and my standards are not sky high either but it feels like the odds of that happening are worse than winning the lottery. Keep it simple, keep it clean and say it like you mean it, not just because you are returning a compliment. נערות ליווי בהרצליה Looking separately at the two distinct elements that make up definition of an online dater, some 11% of internet users say that they have used an online dating site.

7% of cell phone apps users (representing 3% of all adults) say that they have used a dating app on their cell phone. One in every ten American adults has used an online dating site or a mobile dating app. Bumble developed an expansive network of brand ambassadors (typically college students) to promote the dating app on Instagram on their local campuses. Aside from that - I am a college graduate, have a good job that I enjoy, don't make a TON of money but am comfortable now, enjoy a variety of hobbies, and think I'd make a good partner to someone. I feel good about my financial future and have learned a lot from the experience. When is a good time to disclose this? My opening text was always related to her profiles but after time just copy-paste. Affleck mentioned using Raya in 2019, when he posted to Instagram "HA, you got me. I'm dating," before opening up about a cause he cared about. ‘Here’s my credit card, go crazy and make sure you get some cannoli,’ and he went back out and got in the back of the car.

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enderwalking · 2 years

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I disappear for one single day to deal with irl stuff and miss your birthday??? Unbelievable, happy belated birthday!!

I get what u mean about aus sometimes just being about the vibes, I think why I'm so hung up on tomoyo in particular (other than my brain being a nightmare that wants No Holes in The Story) is I'm mentally fiddling with a kurogane ctechno's backstory to keep the anarchism in play, so already the role of tomoyo has gotta be a bit different. And because of that my brain wants to figure out All the changes, and what those would mean for c!techno in this au. Rotating him in my head and demanding to know who his catalyst is and all that. Who looked at a violent c!techno in this au and said "we're gonna get you some standards for killing. And also make you a pawn in multiverse chess. Have fun!"

Yuuko cgeorge would definitely be a vibe, and it's easy to make cdream feiwong reed work (the atrocities! The holding onto the past! He would be more than willing), but I think what I like so much about the reverse is where the base motivations lay? Feiwong reed is clinging onto a single person at cost of everything else. Which reads as very similar to c!dream in canon clinging onto a version of the world that no longer exists, but phrase that another way: his base motivation lies in the world being changed in a way he views as negative, and trying to prevent that change/bring it back to its previous state where its already been changed. Which is also what yuuko is doing! It's just that we view yuuko as being in the right because she's. You know. Preventing the collapse of the multiverse. Doing less atrocities. It would be a characterization of c!dream that would borrow a bit more heavily from early days smp I think, but with the pragmatism and bastard energy of current lore. Or maybe not even that, maybe it's just a question of, who does cdream become if his allegiance is no longer happy memories of an 8 person server of friends, but instead the smooth functioning of a multiverse? What is he like if he has different eggs (<- cursed metaphor but whatever it gets the point across)

Also with the whole plot point of feiwong reed being theorized to be like... a fragment of Clow formed entirely from the wish to keep yuuko alive, I think it would be neat to put an earlier days, somewhat kinder and more friendly cdream up against a late days cgeorge who has become so single minded in focus, who cant tolerate the world as it currently exists. To have cdream remembering an early days cgeorge while dealing with the current cgeorge. And yet, the things one could do with cdream and dreamxd if we go the cgeorge is yuuko route...

Oh I figured out my hang up, it's that I can picture a world where cdream chooses the world over cgeorge, especially if cgeorge has become antagonistic to said world, but I struggle to picture a world where cgeorge wouldn't sacrifice the world to keep cdream. However, I also am not a cgeorge or c!dnf scholar, so I'm very open to being told I'm wrong on this bit

yeah trc is especially difficult to cast full aus for considering that there are so many characters that are all so intertwined and it's like, sometimes you just gotta take a character concept and strip it down and run LMAO. like in my ffx au ctubbo's role is most analogous to rikku's role in the game. they are not similar in vibe in the least, but it Works okay i PROMISE.

the thing that is off to me about cgeorge as feiwong is like. cgeorge is so profoundly defined by apathy and inaction? and even in his stream about destroying everything and becoming a god, it's not out of some desperate drive towards an end goal, if anything it's the complete opposite. this is cgeorge essentially throwing in the towel, he's giving up on the entire world but he's also decided to make it the whole world's problem in the process. if his dream hadn't literally handed him the tools for the job, he probably wouldn't have gone on nearly such a rampage; think about how quickly he gave up mining down his statue: "it's such a chore to even destroy myself". that's not to say cgeorge is incapable of fighting for things, but his coping mechanism of choice is not to dig in his heels or press onwards, but instead is to just. give up. disengage. and his constant dreaming just enhances that sense of passiveness.

so yeah i feel like cgeorge in a yuuko-esque role where he's like. trapped in stasis. forced to inaction in some ways. and is trying to fix things to an extent but is limited in his scope just by the nature of his existence? yeah. idk. but also i will confess that some of the finer details of yuuko's stuff does escape me as it has been a Hot Minute since i've reread so i could be bullshitting here LOL. also i think that if cdream had to play multidimensional chess and create a 9000 step plan to ruin lives across the whole of reality all for cgeorge's sake that he would 100% do it in a heartbeat and that arguably you could interpret his actions in canon to be him doing just that, so there's that as well

#asks #trcanon #ALSO TY FOR THE BDAY WISHES SORRY I GOT TO THIS LATE I GOT DISTRACTED BY SHOWING 3L TO MY ROOMMATES

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chemicalpink · 3 years

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Young Gods ❈ KNJ, JJK

❈ Pairing: Namjoon x Reader x Jungkook

❈ Genre: smut, f2l kinda, but also s2l, fantasy!au, fluff if you squint, gods!au, wizard/witch!au

➛ Part of the Namkook Moonrise Masquerade hosted by @jamaisjoons

❈ Rating: 18+

❈ Wordcount: 4.2k

❈ Warnings: it is jungkook centric, it does have a somewhat heavy plot, double penetrative sex, magical sex, teasing, slightest corruption kink.

❈ Summary: Legend has it that if you were to walk all the way up to Hallasan, and if the land is welcoming enough, you should be able to see the most beautiful lake where it is rumoured to home the most powerful being the world has ever had the pleasure to meet, so when young warlock Jungkook starts having trouble with his magic, who could blame him for travelling all the way there in hopes of finding answers only to be met with the hottest man he’s ever seen. and really, who could blame him for fostering the biggest crush on him without saying a word for ages? that is, until y/n, a long lost friend of Namjoon shows up. so really, who is he to blame if he lets the two greatest beings in existence use him for their pleasure?

❈A/N: SHE'S HERE. GOD THIS TOOK A WHILE. Please enjoy! ALSO, banner by @jamaisjoons, I do believe the only thing that keep me writing this was the banner lol. Do tell your thoughts on this bad baby, I was heading towards a larger fic but I didn't have time yet magical au is most definitely there for future fics.

The first time Jungkook realised just how powerful he was, he was fifteen years old, although his mother can recall him being around four and being able to master a potion that most common-born non-royal witches could only hope to get mediocre at once trained at their young twenties. Of course, his magic had soon become taboo around the village, having to hide himself behind years of his father’s training, his lineage a bit closer to royalty, not quite, but just enough for his son’s magic to pass as his own. If his customers notice how better his spell jars or potions get once Jungkook turns eighteen, they sure don’t comment on it. Not that they would be able to tell that the family was hiding a master of the magical arts that could rival the country’s most powerful witch in the blink of an eye. Those were just rumours going around, as far as the Jeon’s were concerned.

“Son, I believe it is about time you get some proper practice on your magic” his father mentioned bypassing one Sunday night as they both locked up the store. He turned to hi, somewhat confused.

“Look if this is about Seojun noona’s elixir being more powerful than it usually is I swear it was a rightful mixture, my trial was right beside her actual one and she entered the shop sooner and-”

His dad shakes a hand dismissively at him, rounding the counter into the small storage room, coming back in sight with a leather-bound book in between his hands, calloused fingers roaming the antique-looking pages “I am not quite sure how much truth an old man like your grandfather could hold, but it wouldn’t hurt to try” he turned the yellowing book towards him, fast and almost undescribable scribbles decorating the paper as he squinted down at it, his father handling the energy in it to make the content quite literally come to life, a storytelling spell all too familiar to him from his young age.

“Dad, you know I absolutely love bedtime stories, but I’d say I’m quite a bit too old now for-” before he can even think about finishing the sentence, a mountain comes into view, alive straight from the book’s pages, standing tall and proud dressed in green, almost touching the sky, a magical aura surrounding it, one that he could even feel just by looking at it “What’s that?”

“The old man used to tell me stories about an ancient being, the most powerful of them all, living on top of Hallasan” the pages turn by themselves, the image changing to a faceless man, standing almost as tall and proud as the mountain itself, performing all types of magic, some of them Jungkook himself hadn’t even heard of “Legend says he was outcasted by royalty in fear of revolution, wouldn’t even be alive if it weren’t for he is a child of Earth herself”

“I-I don’t think I’m following”

His father sighs loudly before his magic shuts the book closed, all magic gone on a whim “Jungkook, whatever this man was, if my father was right and he really did exist, you might be like him”

“But-but I was born of both you and mum” he couldn’t quite yet fathom the extension of his own magic, much less think about the probability of being more powerful than any other being that had walked the Earth in millennia. Even if the man was real, would he even be alive still? If he was as powerful as he was presumed to be, would he even take Jungkook under his wing? What if he wasn’t as lucky as the man from the book and word got out and his life was endangered?

“Jungkook just think about it, you might be a child of the Earth”

“What if I don’t want to be” he couldn’t quite face his father, feeling his own heartbreak as the older man deflated. Jungkook knew that perhaps his dad had entertained the idea of his only son being a creature out of a legendary book, could feel how proud it would make him, for Jungkook to be a hero, make history with the power he presumably held within, yet he couldn’t help but feel like a small child again, afraid at the uncertainty that the future could hold. “I- I’m good with just running the shop and helping you and mother out with stuff”

His father sighed before placing a gentle hand on his shoulders, a small act that made him feel even more like a child, one getting subtly scolded by his parents as they prepare him for his inevitable future. “Jungkook-ah, your mother and I- all we really want for you is to live your own life”

His ears perk up, gaze facing forward as he catches his mother standing with her arms crossed over her body, the softest motherly look on her face “And if that means for my baby to go find himself at some faraway place, then so be it” she comes to join his father by his side, both of them bracing each other as the thought of their child growing up simmers down on them. “We just want you to grow up to your full potential Kookie”

.-.-

It had taken quite some convincing for him to completely make up his mind, the negging looks from his father as he helped around the shop, the longing yet scolding gaze his mother held over dinner until he found himself preparing a small bag for the long trip– almost burning inside his mind the map contained in his grandfather’s grimoire from the many times he had read over what he once thought to be a legend out of a children’s storybook.

The trip itself wasn’t as difficult as it was troublesome, having to hike up the highest mountain in the land, the difficult part–if the Jeon’s memories were anything to go by– was having the Hallassan land spirit to like you enough to show itself, even a step further to have the legendary witch to show his home.

For quite some time Jungkook entertained the idea of the immense possibilities on how the wizard could look, every possible image popping up in his head some variation of a wrinkly old man hunched over himself, staff in hand and he couldn’t help but laugh soundly at it, picturing himself getting nagged at by such a figure, perhaps he would end up looking like one of those old scholars that came to his village from time to time. But how wrong was he.

It took him three days, two cold sleepless nights in the woods and running in circles for at least two hours in the nothingness that was the top of the mountain for the valley to show up right where he had started to venture– he could almost hear the forest spirits snickering at him. He really tried to be angry at it, almost went back down just out of spite, yet the clearing before him had him doing a double-take, the space was bright and clear, none of the trees from before on sight, the small dipping in the middle of it leading to a sort of entrance– this was what he came for.

Jungkook had been raised better than what he found himself doing– walking into a stranger’s house uninvited. Was it really uninvited if after knocking for a few minutes the door opened on its own?

He walks inside, small steps, unsure of himself, his past resolve crumbling down completely as he walks further in where he listens to a hushed voice coming from his left, a mop of silvery hair turned away from him, green warm clothes cradling the figure, Jungkook entertains the idea of an old man still, yet not so much hunched over himself if the deep hushed voice and the hair colour was anything to go by. “...Now where did I last see-”

"Hello-"

"Oh! great timing! the pay is where it always is" broad shoulders are still facing him as the man moved around, a couple of won bills on the counter where he had waved his hand dismissively, not even bothering to turn around, for a legendary creature perhaps leaving his home door open was a recurrent thing, what with the whole clearing hidden from the public eye and all.

"Oh I'm not-" he had tried to make himself knows as definitely not the person he was expecting yet the man kept mumbling to himself, apparently in deep thought at whatever it was

""—So then if we are able to move this around we should -" he had started moving around the room, still not facing Jungkook directly, just pointing to places around the spacious room as his free hand busied itself with picking books from the humongous shelf against the wall

"I'm- uh" his hands couldn’t be still, grasping at the bag over his shoulder, knuckles almost white as he clears his throat "I'm not-"

"Did you forget where-" the man turns around and Jungkook feels whatever little poise he had gained leave him in the spot, right in front of him is the most legendary creature in existence, recorded alive for millennia, a god in more ways than one, no old man in sight but the prettiest human he had laid eyes on, fierce sight set on him awkwardly hanging at the entrance as the man keeps blinking at him "uh"

He bows down almost instinctively, 90 degrees, hair falling onto his eyes as he does so "Mister sir- uh keeper of Hallasan"

"You aren't Soobin"

"Uh.. no I'm not"

The man doesn’t even flinch at the information of a stranger setting a foot inside his house, deep voice calm as ever as he asks "How did you even get in?"

"Uh the door was open" he points to the door in a futile attempt for it to not make it seem like he was the weirdo picking locks or something at a magical creature’s home

"No it wasn't" he moves to the door in the most graciously way he has ever seen someone do it, almost gliding across the floor, eyes never leave him except for the brief second where his hand tries the doorknob "huh it was. Weird"

It took the man less than a minute after his initial shock to turn to Jungkook and invite him in, a pair of teacups resting against the table as they seated parallel to each other, him crossing his legs in a nonchalant manner as Jungkook couldn’t stop fidgeting in his seat– he certainly never thought he could come this far.

“So what can I do for you, Jeon Jungkook?” if he absolutely preened at the way that his name sounded in the stranger’s mouth, that was certainly something only for him to know.

The words died right on his tongue. There were certainly a lot of things the beautiful man seating across from him could do, none of them necessarily involving what he had initially come for, yet as the words take meaning inside his mind, he seems to short circuit yet again “I uh- you know- you know my name?”

He smiles a big smile, eyes crinkling into crescents, dimples showing and a heat simmering inside Jungkook’s belly “I know a lot of things, Jungkook” he stares off into space “Social skills are rusty, but they come back after getting a good look at you” Jungkook’s eyes must widen at the implication of his words. Could he read minds? Could he take a look into souls? “Just general stuff about you, don’t worry about it”

The man could definitely read minds.

Blink if you’re hearing this. The man blinks and Jungkook feels like fleeing. Wait. Everyone blinks, stupid. Perhaps some other time.

He somehow finds his voice, remembering the lingering question, the sole reason for him to be there “Mister Hallasan keeper, sir”

“Namjoon is fine”

“Mister Namjoon-ssi”

“Namjoon hyung”

Jungkook is sure this time his brain shortcircuits for real, for this complete stranger. Namjoon he corrects himself, to give him permission to call him so affectionately after only a few minutes of knowing him. After technically breaking- not breaking into his home.

Smile if you’re reading my mind. Namjoon smiles, something doesn’t sit right with him, he could very well be reading his mind, or simply smiling out of politeness at the extended silence Jungkook had caused, again. I’m onto you Mister Hallasan Keeper. Namjoon just smiles more fondly at him.

Jungkook goes on explaining his situation, from his rapid magic learning to being unable to wield his magic, to his father even suggesting that he could have been born from the Earth herself, just like Namjoon did all those millennia ago. The blond man restricts himself to listen to Jungkook speak, gaining a serious pose when he drops the reason for his visit, asking him for help. Jungkook’s almost sure he will deny it as he goes on to explain how his last magical apprentice had been there almost sixty years ago, going on about how he is pretty much a loner, no reason more than a brief excuse of being an outcast for practice differences with the village where Jungkook comes from, giving it a few seconds of thought before he accepts to have Jungkook under his wing, going as far as to give him a spare bedroom to sleep in along with the longest set of rules he had ever heard of.

Months with Namjoon look something more or less like this: waking up at 6 am sharp– something Jungkook had never done in his life, the first few times he had woken up later than that, it was almost impossible to know where his teacher had gone to. Have a rundown on the day’s activities and breakfast until 7. Jungkook was in charge of gardening on the 30-minute window of Namjoon harvesting for the spells he was due to make for the day. An hour of light reading– he knew better than to comment on how a thousand pages book was most definitely not light reading, but he did it anyway. He would then shadow Namjoon on whatever mystical task he had to do for the day before finishing up with him running basic high-level training with Namjoon’s guidance in the clearing– Namjoon had said that the Hallasan spirit would keep him safe and sound if he were to screw up, although so far all the spirit and her friends in the forest had done was laugh at his mistakes.

Five months in it, the whole routine came as second nature, he couldn’t even picture a day without Namjoon on it, not that there was anyone else that could pick up on the energy shift within it, Jungkook had learnt a lot from his teacher, not only in the magic department but about him as a person, couldn’t hide the lingering eyes, the curious touches of skin, every bit of information about Namjoon expanding that fondness feeling inside his heart, Namjoon was a man of habit, a powerful one at that, yet all those millennia living couldn’t hide the fact that Jungkook could see right through him, a lonely soul, as powerful as none other, yet so inherently say. Not even the whole power in the universe could keep him away from his own greatest danger: himself.

If you can read minds, kiss me. The kiss never came so perhaps Namjoon could never even read minds in the first place.

Now here’s the thing, Jungkook might be a mess when it comes to magic, but not so much at hiding his feelings, at least the best he could, Namjoon was as intelligent as men come and he had yet to notice. Namjoon’s friend that just happens to show up on a particularly lazy day– his teacher had said his magic tends to run out from time to time and would rather rest it; perhaps not so much.

Jeon Jungkook is a weak man. A weak man for beautiful things, like Namjoon, or you. Who just happened to walk inside Namjoon’s home like you owned the place– could he count it as his home too yet?

He could feel his heart wanting to leap out of him as soon as you introduced yourself, and perhaps he was imagining the way your eyes grazed over his figure before going to tease Namjoon, not that he stopped having heart eyes for the man when you walked in, he had enough heart eyes for the both of you, even if he had to keep them to himself. You were easier to warm up to than Namjoon if it was anything to go by, smoothly falling into conversation after you three had sat down for tea, walking up to Namjoon’s massive library, picking out books from their shelves as you asked him about his upbringings.

“The Jeon family? Oh, dearest, your grandfather was as good as wizards come” his brain cuts short as soon as the words leave your mouth, just how exactly could you have known the old man? The old wizard was presumably thrown out of the royal house for being unfit for ruling over the land. You playfully push your elbow against Namjoon “And I say this while knowing Joonie”

The blond man groans at your teasing.

“You-you knew my grandpa?”

“Yeh, such a shame he decided to be a mortal” Your initial interest seems to diminish as you turn to face the books yet again, a particular red cover catching your attention.

“What”

Jungkook faintly hears Namjoon standing up from his chair to try and get in between his conversation with you, although all he hears seems to come as if the voices were kept under cotton inside his ears “Y/N you’re overwhelming the kid”

For such a calm and collected posture, he had maintained not only while learning with Namjoon but back at home too, hearing such a word coming out of him really tips the glass “I’m not a kid! Why is everyone always treating me like a child!” surely it did seem rather childish to have an outburst like that, yet his mind couldn’t help but reel in all those other times in his stay where Namjoon had dismissed him from helping, saying it was a rather complicated spell you should wait this one out Jungkook. Or something along the lines of when you get stronger. It did seem the type of things one would say to their petulant child.

“Jungkook waits” Namjoon groans as he retreats to his assigned room, you can’t help the softness inside you at the way that strong independent loner Namjoon reacts to his apprentice being pissed off, certainly a first.

“You pissed off the kid” your remark isn’t that much well digested as Namjoon throws a dagger-like glare your way, groaning as he throws his head back against the couch

“Why am I parenting again?”

You shrug your shoulders as you offer him a tight lip smile, you had heard a lot about Jungkook even before you had walked inside the wizard’s home, like a reader of a slow-burning love story, you knew that ‘parenting’ was most definitely not the dynamic in his relationship with the younger, not with the way Namjoon had described the little mannerisms of his apprentice, or the way that he described his figure as the strongest back I’ve ever seen with such a tiny waist when he sent you a letter asking you to visit him.

The thing with the dynamic you had with Namjoon had been one going on for hundreds of years, feeding off of the magic that only such powerful creatures like you and him could conjure, effective yet dependent as when either of you two was in dire need of a boost, you would have to pay him a visit to work your magic. Jungkook hadn’t appeared after his little outburst, probably hidden in his room, taking only a few minutes of Namjoon glancing expectantly at the place where the younger had disappeared before you dragged him towards his room in an all too practised manner.

The whole environment was always on the calm side whenever you two get to it, something along the lines of strictly business, yet an undeniable connection between the two. Namjoon had you against his door, a dimly lit lamp on his desk, strong hands holding you in place at your waist as he leaned down to connect both of your mouths, eyes fluttering shut as he did so. Your hands found themselves tangled in his blond tousled hair in no time as he deepened the kiss, moving the both of you towards the bed as magic started glowing dimly within you two, connecting and feeding off of the spark of the situation, magic so profound and delicate that only immortal beings could hope to master. Namjoon placed himself against his elbows as you straddled his hips, your figure teasingly humping his growing bulge inside his pants as his breath started to become ragged, his own magic reaching forward to yours, just the way his lips chased yours. Yet there was only so much ominous Namjoon could handle. His hands were quick to undress both of you in between hot caresses and messy kisses as both of your bodies seem to move on their own accord, the magic itself doing the most out of the tantric experience, moans slowly but surely filling up the room as Namjoon positioned the tip of his hard cock on your entrance, teasing your folds for a few seconds before you settled on top of him in a familiar manner, sinking down on him as he throws his head back, letting out a groan. You are almost sure Jungkook could hear you both, yet your mind so clouded you wouldn’t have given it a second thought with Namjoon’s cock filling you up so nicely as you moved up and down on his length, that is until out of the corner of your eye you catch the casted shadow outside the dimly lit room.

"Your puppy is outside," You say as you stop moving on him, not quite removing yourself from the situation, yet you feel the magic in the room flickering faintly as if going dormant.

"What" Namjoon’s eyes are surprised as he lets reality sink in, his magic safely sated from the small act

"The kid that has an obvious crush on both you and me?” you state matter of factly as Namjoon’s jaw goes slack “He's watching us from behind the door"

As if on cue, there’s a rustling behind the door, feet rapidly resounding against the floor "No I'm not!"

Namjoon sighs loudly "JK just come in, I know this might seem.." the door opens and you could swear Jungkook’s eyes are about to leave his skull at the image he’s present with "weird"

"incredibly hot," they say at the same time, rendering both of them speechless

"huh kid's horny" you start removing yourself from Namjoon’s cock as your magic starts tingling, now reaching out for the younger "i like it"

"Y/N please"

You gesture by raising your hands as if surrendering, yet you know just how the night had taken a turn, willing to satiate your magic’s needs “He doesn’t like your PG training, let me handle this”

Jungkook is still sporting his Bambi eyes as he feels himself pulled into the room, closing the door softly behind him as he can only stare at you as you make your way towards him, lips ghosting over his “So tell me Jungkookie” your hand trails down to bring him closer to your naked body, taking his hand in yours and guiding it to your ass “Just how much are you willing to render of yourself for me and Joon?”

“All of me”

Jeon Jungkook might as well had been an erotic wizard like yourself if by the way he manhandles you and surrenders you to Namjoon like a loyal apprentice would to his master was anything to go by. Namjoon’s stare alone has the young man pliant as he caresses tan skin under his fingers, achingly curious as the youngest takes turns to kiss the eldest and yourself, Namjoon’s fingers playing with his nipples, your own hands working his length to life after your magic had completely undressed him, feeling both your and Namjoon’s magic reaching for Jungkook’s in a way you didn’t know was possible. A few kisses and lingering touches in, minds clouded with lust, kissing noises and moans taking over the space, Jungkook takes no time in positioning you on top of him, back to his chest as his length stretches you deliciously, long fingers playing with your clit as his own legs separate your thighs as if offering you up to his master, Namjoon looking like a man starved as he positions himself against Jungkook’s cock, his tip meeting no resistance as he glides in and nestles next to Jungkook, stretching you like no other time you could fathom, groans and ragged breaths of the men under and above you working you to your own climax, babbled words coming out of the youngest’s lips along with a promise of becoming yet another young god under your spell.

#bts smut #jungkook smut #namjoon smut #bts imagines #btshoneyhive #bangtanarmynet #thebtswritersclub #bangtansorciere

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fannish-karmiya · 3 years

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Is Wei Wuxian's Cultivation Actually Harmful to Him?

Throughout Wei Wuxian’s first life, he frequently argues with Lan Wangji over his cultivation. Lan Wangji believes that his cultivation will harm him and eventually destroy him, while Wei Wuxian insists that he has everything under control. Many readers take Lan Wangji’s warnings at face value, leading to the common fandom perception that demonic cultivation (more accurately, the ghost path) is inherently harmful to Wei Wuxian and that he should indeed give it up.

But does the text actually back that up, when we examine Wei Wuxian’s use of his cultivation? While Wei Wuxian does experience a few losses of control, I would argue that they are far more due to circumstances than anything else, and not a sign that the cultivating with resentful energy is inherently harmful to a cultivator’s body or that loss of control is an inevitable conclusion.

Preconceptions

Lan Wangji is the character who most often tries to tell Wei Wuxian that his cultivation is harmful. Immediately when Wei Wuxian returns from the Burial Mounds and meets Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji again while torturing Wen Chao, Lan Wangji expresses concern:

One against two, Lan WangJi still refused to back off. He gazed at Wei WuXian, “Wei Ying, for cultivating an evil path you would eventually have to pay. Throughout time, there has not been a single exception.”

Wei WuXian, “I can pay.”

Seeing how unconcerned he seemed to be, Lan WangJi lowered his voice, “The path would not only damage your body, but your heart as well.”

(Chapter 62, Exiled Rebels translation)

Now, Wei Wuxian’s path (guidao, the ghost path) is brand new. He invented it, being the first person to ever successfully cultivate using yuanqi, or the resentful energy of dead humans. So why does Lan Wangji speak so assuredly of the harm it can cause?

The term ‘cultivating an evil path’ is telling. Wei Wuxian’s cultivation is a new path, but there are other dark paths of cultivation which exist. The Nie sect’s sabres are an example; they absorb the killing intent and evil energy of the yao and guai they kill, and over time their sabres become more and more powerful but also lead the wielder closer and closer to an inevitable qi deviation.

Of course, Lan Wangji is not aware of the Nie sect’s technique, which is a strictly kept secret, at this point. Nie Mingjue only seems to have told Lan Xichen and Jin Guangyao because they were his sworn brothers. But there are surely other paths like this which are publicly known.

We know about other dark rituals which are not part of Wei Wuxian’s ghost path, after all, and ‘backlash’ is a frequent risk, either due to making the user vulnerable or failing to fulfil the contract one agreed to.

The body sacrificing ritual which Mo Xuanyu uses, for example, will cause backlash if you fail to keep up your end of the deal.

It was an ancient, forbidden technique. Compared to an array, it resembled a curse more. The caster of the array injures themselves by creating incisions on their body, and draws the array and writes the incantations using their own blood, finishing by sitting in the center of the array. They can then summon an extremely villainous ghoul and ask for it to complete their wish. The price to pay was to offer their body to the evil spirit, with their own soul returning back to Earth.

This was the forbidden technique opposite to stealing another’s body—offering one’s body.

[...]

The difficult part was that, as soon as the evil spirit has taken over the body of the caster, the contract is sealed by default. The evil spirit must grant their wish, or else the curse will cause a backlash. The spirit in possession of the body will be completely annihilated, never to be born again!

(Chapter 2, Exiled Rebels translation)

Interestingly, the harm here is to the ‘evil spirit’ if they fail to keep up their end of the contract. Well, also the caster who gives up his or her life in exchange. At any rate, this sort of thing seems to be a frequent risk of dark cultivation techniques. The paperman technique is also quite risky:

The good thing was that Wei WuXian had once learnt a certain technique of the dark arts—the paper metamorphosis.

Although it was indeed useful, it had a number of restrictions as well. Not only was the time strictly limited, the paperman must also return as it were, after it had been released. There mustn’t even be a single scratch on it. If, on its way, it was torn apart or broken in any way, the soul would receive the same degree of harm—from a year of unconsciousness to a whole lifetime of lunacy. Thus, one must be extremely careful.

(Chapter 47, Exiled Rebels translation)

This seems to be a frequent concern with any dark technique, which probably is what led Lan Wangji to believe that Wei Wuxian’s new path would be similarly dangerous. It’s also very worth noting that he grew up in Gusu Lan, which is known for being even more judgmental towards dark cultivation than other sects.

He immediately seemed to realize, “Oh. I forgot. Your uncle Lan QiRen hates crooked people like me. You’re his proudest disciple, so of course you’re the same as him, haha. I refuse.”

Jiang Cheng stared at Lan WangJi, cautious, “Second Young Master Lan, all of us understand the Lan Sect’s ways.

[...]

Wei WuXian had been angered as well, “Lan WangJi! Do you really have to make this difficult at such a point in time? You want me to go to the Cloud Recesses for the GusuLan Sect’s confinement punishment? Who do you think you are, what do you think the GusuLan Sect is?! You really think that I won’t resist?!”

(Chapter 62, Exiled Rebels translation)

While many people speak negatively of Wei Wuxian’s cultivation path, Lan Qiren is particularly virulent when Wei Wuxian first proposes the theory as a teen:

Everyone in the room was stunned. Lan QiRen sprang to his feet, “The essence of exorcising demons and annihilating ghosts is to liberate! You do not study the methods of liberation, and even think about increasing their energy of resentment! You reverse the natural order, and ignore ethics and morality!”

[...]

Another book came flying from Lan QiRen. He spoke harshly, “Then, let me ask you again! How do you make sure that the resentful energy only listens to you and does not harm others?”

Wei WuXian ducked while speaking, “I haven’t thought of it yet!”

Lan QiRen raged, “If you thought of it, the cultivation world would not allow your existence! Get out!”

(Chapter 14, Exiled Rebels translation)

Due to their father’s seclusion and their mother’s imprisonment, Lan Wangji and his brother were raised by Lan Qiren. With his uncle having such a black and white view of such matters, it’s understandable that Lan Wangji would absorb that and struggle to reconcile the Wei Wuxian he knows and loves with the man who is cultivating an ‘evil’ path.

With his own sect and family so negatively inclined towards Wei Wuxian’s cultivation, I think Lan Wangji was primed to see every behaviour of Wei Wuxian’s through this lens. Similarly, the audience hears the younger Lan Wangji repeat these warnings so many times that I think many readers wind up believing him, too.

Confirmation Bias

However, I think much of this is actually a case of confirmation bias. Lan Wangji is predisposed to see Wei Wuxian’s cultivation as harmful, and is actively looking for signs that it is; he winds up correlating all sorts of things to Wei Wuxian’s cultivation as a result.

He does so when he visits Wei Wuxian in Yunmeng:

Lan WangJi, “Last time, during the hunt on Phoenix Mountain, have you noticed certain signs?”

Wei WuXian, “What signs?”

Lan WangJi, “The loss of control.”

Wei WuXian, “You mean me almost getting into a fight with Jin ZiXuan? I think you got something wrong. I want to fight with Jin ZiXuan whenever I see him.”

(Chapter 71, Exiled Rebels translation)

Which is true! Wei Wuxian and Jin Zixuan just do not get on at all. And if we go back to Phoenix Mountain, it’s clear that this was a perfectly ordinary fight:

However, Jiang YanLi didn’t turn around. Jin ZiXuan was even more enraged. He caught up to her in just three strides and was about to grab her hand when a shadow suddenly flashed before his eyes. Before he could see who it was, he received a blow on his chest. Jin ZiXuan swung his sword across and backed away.

When he finally could see, he raged, “Wei WuXian, why is it you again?!”

Wei WuXian blocked Jiang YanLi behind him, raging as well, “I haven’t fucking said it yet—why is it you again?!”

Jin ZiXuan, “Attacking because of nothing have you gone mad?!”

Wei WuXian struck with his palm, “That’s exactly what I’m doing! What do you mean because of nothing? What are you doing trying to grab my shijie just because of how ashamed you are?!”

Jin ZiXuan dodged to the side and returned to him a sword attack, “If I don’t grab her should I let her walk randomly around the mountain alone?!”

(Chapter 70, Exiled Rebels translation)

Jin Zixuan is described as being ‘enraged’ and tries to grab Jiang Yanli. He’s clearly being very hotheaded here himself. What brother wouldn’t be enraged after this, especially given Jin Zixuan’s pattern of speaking of Jiang Yanli derisively?

Earlier, Lan Wangji had forcibly kissed Wei Wuxian while he was blindfolded, and yet he didn’t display any loss of control or temper problems then.

(I also think this ties into how people tend to judge Wei Wuxian more harshly due to his lower social class; he’s often no more brash and arrogant than his peers, but because he’s the son of a servant only he is judged for it. Look at Jin Zixuan pulling his sword on a man who no longer carries a sword! He isn’t criticised for that. But I digress.)

Lan Wangji also believes that Wei Wuxian’s cultivation is doing him spiritual harm, using evidence such as Wei Wuxian’s unwillingness to carry his sword or receive spiritual energy to help him heal:

Suddenly, he felt an itch at his throat. Blood began to rise up his chest. Trying to restrain it, Wei WuXian coughed a couple of times. Seeing that Lan WangJi was going to grab his hand again, Wei WuXian dodged, “What are you doing?”

Lan WangJi, “Your injuries.”

Wei WuXian, “No need. Why use spiritual energy for such a small wound? It’ll get better after some sitting around.”

Lan WangJi didn’t waste any words with him, grabbing for his hand again. At this point, two people came from outside of the cave. Wen Qing’s voice sounded, “Get better after some sitting around? Did you think I’m dead?”

(Chapter 75, Exiled Rebels translation)

He observes this back when he visited the Burial Mounds in the day, and many years later tells Wen Ning that this was the conclusion he drew:

Wen Ning turned around. He couldn’t help but ask, “Young Master Lan, you don’t seem too surprised about this. Did you… Did you know about this as well?”

“…” Lan WangJi managed, “I only knew that his spiritual powers were somehow impaired.”

But to think this was the truth.

(Chapter 89, Exiled Rebels translation)

Working with incomplete information (since he doesn’t know that Wei Wuxian has no golden core, he instead assumes that he is being harmed spiritually by his cultivation) and a pre-existing bias against demonic cultivation, Lan Wangji viewed Wei Wuxian as someone who was bound to lose control at some point, and everything became evidence to prove what he already believed.

Loss of Control

However, I think it’s arguable that the instances where Wei Wuxian loses control are not an inevitability of his cultivation path. Instead, they occur in extremely dangerous combat situations where Wei Wuxian has no allies and is being besieged by hundreds or thousands of enemies.

I want to go over three instances where things go sideways for Wei Wuxian with his cultivation in his first life: Wen Ning’s awakening, the ambush at Qiongqi Path, and the battle at Nightless City.

Now, I wouldn’t even describe Wen Ning’s revival as a loss of control. Wei Wuxian had spent months trying to revive Wen Ning, and in the end he wound up waking up while Wei Wuxian was down in Yiling, not at the Burial Mounds to keep the situation under control. It’s like an unwatched pot boiling over.

Wei WuXian, “Didn’t I say not to touch the talismans on him?!”

Wen Qing didn’t even have the spare seconds to be surprised that Lan WangJi was here. She answered, “Nobody touched them! Not a single person went into the Cave! He tore them off on his own when he suddenly went on a rampage. Not only the ones on himself, he destroyed the restriction seals at the blood pool and the Cave as well! All of the fierce corpses in the blood pool got out. Wei WuXian, go save Granny and the others. They won’t be able to hold up much longer!!!”

(Chapter 75, Exiled Rebels translation)

Honestly, it’s hard to know based on this what caused Wen Ning to wake up or to return to consciousness. My suspicion is that Wei Wuxian’s efforts had worked, and he woke up with a lot of excess resentful energy he needed to work off; hence going to beat up all the other fierce corpses in the Blood Pool.

After this, Wei Wuxian takes measures to ensure that Wen Ning doesn’t lose consciousness again. For the next year until the ambush at Qiongqi Path, there are absolutely no incidents, and Wen Ning and Wei Wuxian go on night hunts together frequently.

Things only go wrong during the ambush.

Wei WuXian laughed coldly, “You’re seeking your own death!”

As he finished, Wen Ning raised his hand and tore off the red string that hung a talisman at his neck.

After the string snapped, his body wavered, and the muscles on his face began to twist. Marks that resembled black cracks crawled up his neck to his cheeks. He suddenly lifted his head, letting out a long, inhuman roar!

(Chapter 76, Exiled Rebels translation)

So Wen Ning wears a talisman which presumably suppresses his resentful energy, and which he must remove in order to fight at full strength. After Jin Zixuan shows up and completely fails to de-escalate the situation at all, Wen Ning kills him:

Wei WuXian was suppressing a blazing flame of hatred. His voice was cold, “Jin ZiXuan, move away right now. I won’t touch you, but you’re not going to provoke me either.”

Seeing that he still refused to yield, Jin ZiXuan suddenly lunged forward, as if trying to hold him down, “Why can’t you just back off for once?! A-Li is still…”

Just as he reached toward Wei WuXian, he heard a strange, heavy noise.

The noise was almost a bit too near. Jin ZiXuan paused in surprise. He looked down and finally saw the hand that pierced his chest.

(Chapter 76, Exiled Rebels translation)

It’s pretty clear that Wen Ning saw Jin Zixuan lunging towards Wei Wuxian and interpreted him as a threat. As objective observers, we can see that this is actually quite understandable, if tragic, and realistically could have happened similarly in a mundane setting with no magic. But Wei Wuxian of course would start to feel doubt when something so terrible happens:

He was clearly controlling Wen Ning properly.

Even though he activated Wen Ning’s rampage mode, he should still be able to control him.

He’d clearly always been able to control him perfectly.

He didn’t want to kill Jin ZiXuan at all.

He never had the intention to kill Jin ZiXuan at all! It was just that moment. He didn’t know why, but all of a sudden he wasn’t able to control it… He had suddenly lost control!

(Chapter 76, Exiled Rebels translation)

Wei Wuxian had always been able to control Wen Ning perfectly before. Honestly, it’s not a surprise that his control was looser in a situation like this; he’s in the midst of an ambush where 300 people are trying to kill him! Realistically, Jin Zixuan bears some responsibility in his own death, too. When you’re trying to negotiate a ceasefire, you don’t fail to give the target of the attack any assurance of his safety and then lunge for him threateningly! Of course Wen Ning saw him as a threat and acted to defend Wei Wuxian.

Later, Wei Wuxian observes that during his ‘rampage’ state, Wen Ning draws his guidance from Wei Wuxian’s impressions of people:

Listening to him stutter as he apologized over and over again, all of a sudden, Wei WuXian felt extremely ridiculous.

It wasn’t Wen Ning’s fault at all.

It was his own fault.

When on a rampage, Wen Ning was nothing more than a weapon. The person who created the weapon was him. The things it listens to were his orders as well.

At that time, with all the tension and the killing intent on top of how Wei WuXian had never hesitated to show enmity toward Jin ZiXuan in front of Wen Ning, when he was unconscious, Wen Ning recognized Jin ZiXuan as an ‘enemy’ when he attacked, carrying out the order of ‘exterminate’ without a second thought.

(Chapter 76, Exiled Rebels translation)

I actually think that if Wen Ning had killed, say, Jin Zixun, Wei Wuxian would simply have seen it as a case of self-defence and accepted it as that. It’s the fact that Jin Zixuan is the husband of his foster sister (and the one person there he didn’t actually want dead) which turns this into such a tragedy.

The intensely stressful situation in the aftermath of Jin Zixuan’s death is the only time we ever see Wei Wuxian express doubt in his own abilities or regret choosing the ghost path:

With the child’s cries coming to his ears from afar and the scared siblings who were at a complete loss as to what to do in his eyes, Wei WuXian felt his heart sink lower into darkness. He asked himself, Just why have I been locking myself up on Burial Mound all these years? Why do I have to go through all this? Why did I choose to walk this path in the beginning? Why did I make myself like this? What do others see me as? Just what have I gained? Have I gone mad? Have I gone mad? Have I gone mad?!

If only he didn’t choose this path in the beginning.

(Chapter 76, Exiled Rebels translation)

I think that during this period, Wei Wuxian was under an immense amount of stress. He was the sole protector of 50 people who the world wanted dead, and he had to be strong and confident for them at all times. Only during his initial panic after Jin Zixuan’s death does that confident front break down and show us just how much the stress must have been wearing on him:

As he thought and thought about it, Wei WuXian suddenly broke into tears.

His voice was submerged in a deep helplessness, “… Can someone tell me… what I’m supposed to do now?”

(Chapter 76, Exiled Rebels translation)

I honestly think that if Wei Wuxian had had someone to lean on and share responsibility with during this time, it would have helped him so much.

In the past, there were only others who asked him what to do. Now, though, he was the one asking others what he should do, and nobody was able to give him an answer.

[...]

Wei WuXian raged, “You can shut the fuck up! It’s already pandemonium the way things are right now! You two can stop adding more trouble onto my platter. Give yourselves in my ass. Did I tell you to do this? Take it out!”

(Chapter 77, Exiled Rebels translation)

Later on, at Nightless City, Wei Wuxian’s loss of control is directly tied by the narrator to his worsening mental state:

The more Wei WuXian panicked, the less control he had. The corpse ignored his command and instead lifted the sword in its hand, slashing it down at Jiang YanLi!

Wei WuXian had lost it, dashing as he shouted, “Stop it, stop it, right now, stop it!”

(Chapter 78, Exiled Rebels translation)

He manages to calm himself down and get back under control:

Jiang YanLi sighed, “A-Xian, you… you should stop first. Don’t, don’t…”

Wei WuXian hurried, “Yes, I’ll stop.”

He took up Chenqing, placed it by his lips, and began to play. He only managed to steady his mind with great effort. This time, the corpses finally stopped ignoring his commands. One after another, strange gurgles echoed in their throats as if they were complaining. Slowly, they bent down.

(Chapter 78, Exiled Rebels translation)

Only when Jiang Yanli is killed by a cultivator aiming for Wei Wuxian does he decide, in his grief and rage, to put the Yinhufu together again:

Yet, no matter the criticism, the blame, Wei WuXian could no longer hear any of them. As if governed by another soul, he reached out and took two objects from within his sleeves. Before everyone’s eyes, he put them together. One half on top and the other below, the two objects snapped into one, letting out a resonating clang.

Wei WuXian placed it on his palm and raised it high into the air.

It was the Stygian Tiger Seal!

(Chapter 78, Exiled Rebels translation)

We know that after the Bloodbath of Nightless City, as this battle comes to be known, Lan Wangji takes Wei Wuxian back to Yiling. However, Wei Wuxian is in a very poor mental state (most likely due to stress, exhaustion, and trauma), and only regains awareness a few days later at the Burial Mounds.

This is when he decides that the Yinhufu is a weapon which he should never have created, and determines to destroy it.

After using it for the second time, he finally decided to destroy one half of the seal. Before he could completely destroy the other half, the siege at Luanzang Hill happened, and it had since then been beyond his capabilities.

(Chapter 30, Exiled Rebels translation)

So Wei Wuxian was actually able to successfully destroy one half of the seal, and start work on the second, in the three months between Nightless City and the First Siege.

Toward his own creation, Wei WuXian was confident to say that even if the sect that got hold of it, made a temple for it, and offered it incense every single day, the remaining half of the Tiger Seal was just a piece of scrap iron. However, Lan WangJi told him something shocking—it appeared that Xue Yang could rebuild the other half of the seal!

Although Xue Yang was young, he was also quite clever, a bizarre eccentric. The LanlingJin Sect discovered that he could use the remaining half of the seal to roughly piece together the other half. Even though the recreated version wasn’t as powerful and couldn’t be used for as long, it could already result in terrible catastrophes.

(Chapter 30, Exiled Rebels translation)

I gather that the first half, he completely neutralised. The second half had not been fully drained of power when the First Siege happened. We never see the First Siege, but I think we can hazard a guess that once the Wens were massacred, Wei Wuxian knew that it was all over, and decided to destroy the second half of the Yinhufu so that no one there could get their hands on it. It is likely the backlash from improperly destroying/neutralising the Yinhufu which led to his corpses turning on him and ripping him apart.

Wei Wuxian does confirm that some sort of backlash killed him:

Wen Ning whispered, “Sect Leader Jiang, Jiang Cheng, brought a siege upon the Burial Mounds. And he killed you.”

Wei WuXian, “I’ll have to clarify this one. He didn’t kill me. I died from a backfire.”

(Chapter 43, Exiled Rebels translation)

“That’s merely hearsay. Although Jiang Cheng was one of the main forces, he did not give Wei WuXian the final blow. Because he cultivates the Demon Path, Wei WuXian’s powers had backfired and he was ripped to pieces.”

“Hahahaha… That’s karma! The ghost soldiers that he created are like unleashed dogs, biting everyone that they come across. It serves him right to be chewed to death!”

(Chapter 1, Exiled Rebels translation)

While the vast majority of information in the prologue is revealed later to be lies, Wei Wuxian does confirm this. Strictly, the ‘ghost soldiers’ were probably his fierce corpses. ‘Ghost’ or ‘Gui’ is used in Modao Zushi’s magic system as a catch-all phrase for dead humans, whether they’re actual ghosts (incorporeal spirits) or reanimated corpses. We know that Wei Wuxian was using huge numbers of fierce corpses to act as guards at the entrance to the Burial Mounds and protect the Wens, after all.

Wei Wuxian’s Second Life

So the risk of backlash is confirmed as a threat when using guidao and other dark cultivation techniques. However, it seems that they either have a clear contract which has to be fulfilled (like in the body sacrifice ritual), or a clearly defined risk which can be mitigated or prevented entirely through careful use.

It’s notable that Wei Wuxian is in control of his cultivation far more often than not, and in his second life we see absolutely no losses of control from him. This is probably down to a few things, one of them being greater experience. He also is no longer working alone; Lan Wangji is nearly always at his side or very nearby, which removes the intense stress of trying to fight against the entire world alone.

Honestly, I can’t even pull up any instances of Wei Wuxian struggling to control his cultivation in his second life or being even mildly harmed by it; there are absolutely none. We only ever see him dealing with mundane exhaustion, stress, and physical injuries.

He recovers very quickly from performing Empathy with Nie Mingjue:

Hearing this, Wei WuXian instantly pulled himself out!

He was still the thin paperman, stuck to the helmet that sealed Nie MingJue’s head. He had tugged loose the knot that tied the iron shells over Nie MingJue’s eyes, revealing a bloodshot eye, opened wide with anger.

[...]

There wasn’t much time left. He must return to his corporal body immediately!

Paperman WuXian flapped his sleeves, flying out as though he were a butterfly.

[...]

A while later, once his soul had returned successfully, Wei WuXian immediately took a deep breath. He raised his head, opened his eyes, and suddenly stood up. Yet, having not expected his body to still be disoriented, he felt dizzy and leaned forward. Seeing this, Lan WangJi caught him in his arms. Wei WuXian lifted his head once more, and the top of his head collided with Lan WangJi’s chin. With a thud, both of them grunted in pain. Wei WuXian rubbed his head with one hand and felt Lan WangJi’s chin with the other, “Ugh! I’m sorry. Lan Zhan, you alright?”

His chin having been stroked a couple of times, Lan WangJi lightly took Wei WuXian’s hand away before shaking his head. Wei WuXian tugged him, “Let’s go!”

(Chapter 50, Exiled Rebels translation)

After this, he is stabbed by Jin Ling and winds up spending four days unconscious in Cloud Recesses. I’ve seen it suggested that his short bout of hallucinating after he wakes up is due to harm from his cultivation, but I firmly disagree. He’d been unconscious for four days after being stabbed!

He immediately let go, almost wanting to roll away. His movement was so large that it hurt the wound at his stomach. He exclaimed an ‘ah’ as he scrunched his brows, finally remembering that he was still injured. Amid the stars before his eyes, Jing Ling, Jiang Cheng, Jiang YanLi, Jiang FengMian, Madam Yu… Many faces spun around in a large circle.

[...]

Only having ensured that his injuries were indeed fine did Lan WangJi finally let him go, “Four days.”

Jin Ling’s sword stabbed right through. The wound hadn’t been shallow at all. How it healed within four days without even leaving a scar behind meant that high level medicine of the GusuLan Sect had to have been necessary. Wei WuXian thanked him, mocking himself along the way, “I’ve reincarnated but somehow I’ve become even weaker. I couldn’t keep going after just a single stab.”

(Chapter 63, Exiled Rebels translation)

After being a bit muddled upon first waking up, he’s fine. He was also dreaming about his past while unconscious, which is why he’s described as seeing all these faces ‘amid the stars before his eyes’. The flashbacks in Refinement and Poisons-Evil are both framed as Wei Wuxian sleeping and dreaming about the past, and he’s thinking about them as a result; he’s not portrayed as actually hallucinating and thinking they’re really there.

Wei Wuxian is very drained by the events of the Second Siege and faints twice afterwards. However, it’s worth noting that during the Second Siege, he didn’t really use resentful energy (he couldn’t, as all the corpses there were under the control of the Yinhufu); he used talismans, which only require a small amount of spiritual energy.

Wei Wuxian even specifically states that Mo Xuanyu’s body is very weak, refusing to use Suibian before the Second Siege:

He wore it by his waist and didn’t seem like he was going to use it. Seeing how Lan WangJi looked at him, he fiddled with his hair and explained, “I haven’t used a sword in so many years. I’m not used to it.” As he spoke, he sighed again, “Alright. The real reason is that my current body is low in spiritual energy. Even if there’s a high level sword, it won’t be able to make the best use of it. And so, it’ll be up to HanGuang-Jun to protect the delicate man that I am.”

(Chapter 68, Exiled Rebels translation)

Wei Wuxian collapses due to exhaustion on the boat ride to Lotus Pier:

OuYang ZiZhen, “HanGuang-Jun, why did Senior Wei collapse?”

Lan WangJi, “Fatigue.”

Lan JingYi was amazed, “I thought that Senior Wei would never get tired!”

(Chapter 84, Exiled Rebels translation)

He collapses again during the fight at the Jiang ancestral hall:

Lan WangJi, “Wei Ying?!” His low voice rang within Wei WuXian’s ears, echoing endlessly.

Wei WuXian was starting doubt if something happened to his ears, “What’s wrong?”

He felt something streak down his face, but reached up only to retrieve a handful of scarlet. Accompanied by throbs of dizziness, blood continued to drip down his nose and his mouth, onto the ground.

[...]

Having come to the conclusion that Wei WuXian was only in a temporary state of unconsciousness due to extreme fatigue and anger, Lan WangJi finally tore his gaze away.

(Chapter 88, Exiled Rebels translation)

When he wakes up in Chapter 90, he feels unwell but recovers fairly quickly:

For a long while, he couldn’t figure out what was happening. Only when he saw the splatters of blood on Lan WangJi’s left sleeve, like a string of plum blossoms resting on snow, did he finally recall what happened before he passed out from anger. His expression twisted at once as he suddenly sat upright. Lan WangJi went to help him, but the ringing in Wei WuXian’s ears hadn’t stopped yet.

[...]

Lan WangJi knew that he wasn’t feeling well. Silent, he didn’t ask anything. He lay one hand on his back, sending him a warm thread of spiritual energy.

[...]

Looking around, Wei WuXian suddenly exclaimed, “I’m hungry.”

Lan WangJi looked up. Of course, Wei WuXian wasn’t hungry at all. He had just eaten three pies at the vendor in front of Lotus Pier’s gates. Lan WangJi only ate one, however, and it was the only thing he’d eaten in the past two days. The matter was on Wei WuXian’s mind.

(Chapter 90, Exiled Rebels translation)

The narrative again directly links it to exhaustion, not to anything more ominous than that:

In the fight at Burial Mound, Wei WuXian exerted too much energy and stamina. Both his mind and his body were strained for too long. A few hours earlier, Jiang Cheng angered him so much that he almost bled from his qiqiao.

He only recovered after a long time of rest. Although he didn’t feel too bad right now, if there was something he missed and he pushed himself all the way to Lanling, it was hard to tell whether or not an accident would happen at a critical moment. On top of that, he wasn’t the only one straining his mind and body in the past few days. Lan WangJi didn’t rest for a second either.

(Chapter 91, Exiled Rebels translation)

As said, there simply isn’t any proof, based on Wei Wuxian’s second life, that his cultivation is doing him harm, nor does he ever lose control of it.

This definitely indicates to me that Wei Wuxian’s losses of control in his first life were related to the circumstances and not an inevitable risk of his cultivation path.

In Conclusion

I actually suspect that Lan Wangji himself came to the same conclusion; he only ever gently warns Wei Wuxian to be careful when using dark techniques during his second life:

Lan WangJi let the paperman wriggle on his ribbon for some time. Just as he reached out to take it down, the paperman slid its way down as fast as it could. No matter intentionally or not, it bumped its head once against his lips.

Lan WangJi’s movements paused for a moment. Using two of his fingers, he finally caught it, “Do not fool around.”

Softly, the paperman rolled its body over his slender finger.

Lan WangJi, “You must be careful.”

The paperman nodded and flapped its wings. Clinging flat onto the ground, it climbed through the door slit and snuck out of the guest room.

(Chapter 47, Exiled Rebels translation)

He still does have some level of distaste for Wei Wuxian’s cultivation path, I would argue, due to the way he instantly latches onto the idea that Wei Wuxian would never have turned to the ghost path if not for his lost golden core:

“…” Lan WangJi managed, “I only knew that his spiritual powers were somehow impaired.”

But to think this was the truth.

Wen Ning, “If not because of this…”

If not because there really wasn’t a second path to walk on.

(Chapter 89, Exiled Rebels translation)

But the discussion of Wei Wuxian’s feelings on his cultivation is one for another day.

At any rate, I doubt that Lan Wangji is only holding back his feelings on the ghost path due to wanting to avoid any more fights with Wei Wuxian. After all, he spent 13 years mourning him. If he still believed that Wei Wuxian’s cultivation was going to eventually kill him, I doubt he would accept it so much more readily now.

I think the lesson he learnt, after looking back and thinking on the past a great deal, was indeed that Wei Wuxian would not have suffered such losses of control if he had had anyone to rely on in his past life. So now Lan Wangji always stands by his side and ensures that he will never reach such a state of desperation again.

#meta #mdzs #mdzs meta #demonic cultivation #fandom essay

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daydreaming-away-reality · 3 years

Text

Catching Stardust

Tadashi Hamada x Reader | ☁️ + ✨ | 3.9k

Most days, like any other university student, you would wake up tired. Unfortunately for you, that was not today. You had spent the entire night working on your lab report for one of your science courses and didn’t get a wink of sleep. At least it was handed in and done with.

(You had to double check - just in case your brain decided to get desperate and help you imagine the best case scenarios. Thinking and doing were two very different things, they were hard to tell apart when you were so dead tired though.)

It was one of those days.

“Morning, Honey Lemon,” you greeted as you navigated your way into the kitchen for some caffeine. Grabbing your travel coffee tumbler, you watched your blonde roommate in her morning stretching routine.

“Good morning, (Y/N)!” Honey cheerfully replied. “How was not sleeping last night?”

You halted your movements, looking up at her with concern. “Can you tell just by looking at me?”

Honey Lemon laughed. “No, silly. GoGo came home late last night and saw you up. I heard you shuffling around earlier this morning too. No raccoon eyes, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“Thank goodness,” you said with a sigh as you continued pouring liquid energy into your tumbler. “This bio course is going to be the death of me.”

“You mean working two part time jobs will be the death of you,” GoGo corrected you as she walked out of her room. “Girl, you need time to have fun too.”

You stuck your tongue out at her. Rummaging through backpack, you noticed a missing tome of knowledge. “Has anyone seen my Medical Terms bible?”

“Coffee table.” Honey called out from the living room as she held the tree pose.

GoGo walked over to you with the heavy book in hand. You mouthed a thank you to her before taking a sip of coffee.

“(Y/N), you need to take some time to make some more friends or meet a cute boy,” Honey Lemon brought up. She exchanged a look with GoGo. “We know someone who you might like. He’s nice and funny, good looking as well.”

You gave your two roommates a sad smile. “By the time I’m ready for a relationship, a boy like that will already be snatched up by someone less stressed about their future.”

Grabbing your premade meals and a couple of snacks, you swung your backpack on.

“I work bookstore and pharmacy today, so I’ll see you both tomorrow morning. Good luck with your projects in the meantime.”

“Bye, (Y/N)!” Honey called out.

“Keep the luck, you need it more than we do,” GoGo said with salute.

Walking out of the apartment, you checked your phone for your schedule once more. Class at nine, bookstore at two and pharmacy at six. And it was already eight thirty, yay. Just your typical jam packed day, all so that you could pay off medical school tuition in the future.

Balancing everything in life was... impossible, but you were managing.

Full course load university student, working two part time jobs, and a very minimal but still existent social life.

It wasn’t easy, but it was what you wanted. Going to med school was a necessary path to take if you wanted to help people out in your future career choice.

Just as you were arriving on campus, a voice caught your attention.

“(Y/N)…!”

You turned to see your friend Mina, another sufferer pre-med student.

“Hi Mina,” you greeted.

“Did you sleep last night?” she asked. When you shook your head, she let out a loud sigh. “Yeah, me too. Dr. Andrews is going to kill us with these lab reports and the test Thursday. I mean, I’d feel smarter if I weren’t so tired all the time.”

You smiled. What a mood.

“Is my make up, okay?” Mina asked. “I don’t want Justin to see me at my worse - not yet.”

You glanced over Mina’s face. She had gone through the usual effort to make herself look cute. “You look fine and I’m sure Justin wouldn’t be scared off. He knows we’re med students.”

Mina made a face. “We’ve only been a dating for two months, (Y/N), two! He doesn’t know what kind of crazy we are yet. You never know when he might get skittish and ghost me.”

If you weren’t so tired, you would have laughed.

Linking arms with Mina, you pulled her towards the classroom.

Today was going to be just another day.

Tadashi checked over the information on his phone as he walked off campus towards the bookstore. He had been looking up information to help his robotics project and a certain book had come up in his recommendations. Deciding that the resource was worth checking out, and was worth the price, he was determined to get his hands on the book while his robot was still in the works.

Walking through the doors, he made his way to the medical section. Browsing the shelves, he kept an eye out for the particular title.

After circling the area for a while, he let out a huff. Where was this textbook?

Noticing a girl wearing a name tag, he approached her with smile.

“Hi, I was wondering if you could help me?”

She turned to him with a smile, (E/C) eyes making contact with his brown orbs.

“Of course, are you looking for something?”

Tadashi nodded, pulling out his phone and showing her the textbook information.

"Ahhh, this one. That’s a popular book with the first year pre-med student courses,” she commented. “Everyone always asks where this one is - we organize this one by title since there’s no author.”

Leading him back into the medical section, the girl stopped in an area of the bookstore that Tadashi had missed earlier. She tapped the spine of one of the books.

“This one is good resource for in depth procedural explanations,” she explained. “Not what you were looking for though...”

Scanning the shelves, the girl paused and frowned when she stopped a particular spot.

“Is it out of stock?” she murmured, checking again. “For a textbook no one appreciates until third year, I’d be surprised if it’s sold out...” She turned back to Tadashi with an apologetic smile. “I’ll check if we have the book in stock - give me a second.”

Pulling out her phone, she typed up some information quickly. The results of her searching seemed to yield the same results.

“It looks like we’re actually out of stock for this textbook right now, although, we are restocking it,” she explained. “Would you like to request a reserve to get a copy?”

“That would be helpful, sure,” Tadashi agreed.

“Great, let’s go fill out a form for you,” she chirped, leading him away. “Are you a med student?”

“No, I’m a robotics engineering student at SFIT,” he replied. “I’m working on something related to the medical field though.”

“Really? That’s so cool,” she exclaimed, looking genuinely interested. “It’s amazing to think how technology can incorporated into health sciences. If you don’t mind me asking, what are you working on?”

“A healthcare robot,” Tadashi explained with a fond smile. “It’s still in the works, nothing has been finished yet, I’m still working on the programming stages.”

“I think that’s incredible. I’m sure you’re capable of amazing things.”

The sincerity in her tone brought a smile to his face. For someone who didn’t know much about his project, the kind words from her were very nice.

“What about you?” Tadashi asked. “Are you a student?”

“Yeah, over at Sato Health Institute,” she responded. Sato was the top post secondary institution for health care in San Fransokyo located nearby - it even shared some programs with SFIT as Tadashi recalled. “I’m a pre-med student - if you hadn’t already guessed.”

“I might have had a feeling,” Tadashi said with a grin. “You seemed like you were familiar with things firsthand.”

The girl laughed. “Lots of firsthand experience, trust me.”

Approaching the help desk, the girl popped around to grab a paper and pen. Scrawling down information onto the page first, she then slid the paper over to Tadashi across the counter.

“Just fill out the rest of the form and the textbook should be arriving in the next three days.”

Tadashi looked up from filling in the form, brown eyes flicking over to her name tag. “Thank you so much, (Y/N).”

“You’re welcome,” she replied. She took a sip from her coffee tumbler. Grabbing a sticky note, she offered it over to Tadashi. “If you’d like, leave your number and I’ll text you when it arrives - I’ll be working that day. I promise to use your number for professional reasons only.”

“I’d appreciate that,” Tadashi said as he wrote his number down. As he finished his form, he noticed a large medical terms textbook behind the counter on the desk next to the computer with a ton of sticky notes sticking out. “Is that yours?”

“That’s my current bible,” she affirmed with an amused tone. “Can’t survive without it.”

The two of them shared a laugh.

“Thanks again for your help.” Tadashi repeated as he returned the form.

“Just doing my job, don’t worry about it! It was great meeting you...” Her (E/C) eyes flickered down to the form and smile appeared on her face. “...Tadashi.”

As Tadashi left the bookstore, part of him was still lingering behind, thinking about (Y/N). She seemed like a nice girl and he really hoped that they might have another chance to encounter her again.

You fumbled with the door before pushing it open, popping back into the dark apartment. Hitting the light switch, you took off your shoes and checked for signs of your roommates.

Looks like Honey Lemon and GoGo were still out.

No surprise.

The three of you were always busy, whether the other two liked to admit it or not.

Just as you were sorting things out in the kitchen and about to grab a snack, your phone buzzed.

Mina: OMG. Did you see Terry’s SNS profile update? 🤣🤣

(Y/N): What did he do this time? Do I want to know??

Mina: He put MD CANDIDATE. The AUDACITY of this man - I got a C+ working with partner project with him. My poor GPA... 😭

(Y/N): I mean...

Mina: DON’T

(Y/N): Cs get degrees 😂

Mina: RIP me. Seriously though, are you free to study for that bio test?

(Y/N): let me grab my snack first, I’ll see you video chat

Mina: True MD candidate here

(Y/N): HA

Letting out a sigh, you swiped a snack from the cupboard before heading back to your room. Fingers crossed you would get some sleep tonight.

“Oh, finally!”

Tadashi wiped his hands off with a rag and turned to look at Fred. Wasabi and GoGo were also looking at the beanie wearing boy, but neither of them decided to engage.

“Something up?” Tadashi asked, speaking up.

“The comic bookstore said they were out of that new series I was telling you guys about the other day,” Fred explained. “I refused to go to Richardson’s place, so apparently, they reached out to the nearby bookstore and they have a copy! I got to go pick it up.”

“The one near campus?”

“Yup.”

Tadashi paused, thinking for a moment before making his decision.

“I’ll come with you.”

“Let’s go then, man!”

Catching up with Fred about the current condition of Baymax, the two soon arrived at the bookstore. Fred immediately beelined towards the help desk with Tadashi trailing behind him.

Just as Tadashi anticipated, a familiar face was working at the desk. This time though, (Y/N) was fairly concentrated on the stack of flashcards piled on her space next to textbooks filled with sticky notes.

“Uh, excuse me,” Fred said, practically bouncing on his toes.

That was enough to jolt her out of her studying. Shoving away her flashcards, she offered Fred a smile. “Yes?”

“I believe someone called about -”

“Oh! I know what you’re here for,” (Y/N) said, jumping up. She got up and skimmed over the bookshelf behind the counter. “Ah, here it is. Fred, right?”

At the sight of his new comic, Fred nodded happily. He quickly accepted it from you. “Is there a comic book section?”

(Y/N) nodded. “Just straight that way, it’s not a big collection, but you might find something.”

“Alright, thanks!”

Fred turned to see Tadashi lingering around. “You coming, Tadashi?”

“There’s something I want to check out, I’ll catch up in a bit,” the black haired male responded.

As Fred disappeared, the girl turned her attention over to Tadashi.

“I didn’t think I would see you again so soon,” she commented. “The book is not in yet, sorry.”

Tadashi smiled. “That’s fine. I see you’re here often.”

“Yeah, when I’m not busy with classes or my other job, here I am.”

The words piqued your interest. “Other job?”

“I also work at a pharmacy,” (Y/N) explained.

“Ahh. You must be a busy person,” Tadashi said. He tilted his head towards your desk. “Studying too?”

She flushed. “Yeah. Only because today’s pretty quiet - my manager doesn’t mind as long as I’m work as I’m needed. There’s a test coming up.”

“Good luck, I think you need it.”

“I do. Thank you.”

Tadashi watched as (Y/N) moved back to sitting at the desk. As she picked up her flashcards, she looked up at Tadashi.

“How’s the healthcare robot going? Any progress in the last 24 hours?”

“Baymax finally had some supply come in for assembling,” he responded. “So, just a little bit.”

“Baymax?” she repeated confused. “Oh. Is that their name?”

Tadashi nodded.

“Baymax… I like it, sounds friendly.”

“I should probably let you get back to studying,” Tadashi commented, rubbing the back of his neck. “Sorry for bothering you.”

“Not at all, I’m happy to chat with you.”

- Wednesday. 6PM. -

Honey: (Y/N)?

(Y/N): What’s up, Honey Lemon?

Honey: I heard the pre-med students plan on throwing a party this weekend?

Honey: Are you going?

(Y/N): Nah, I think I have work.

GoGo: You always work.

(Y/N): Huh, I never noticed.

(Y/N): Anyways, parties are not my scene. I’d be happy spending a free evening at home instead.

GoGo: Mina says she’ll miss you.

(Y/N): She’ll have Justin, she’ll be okay

Honey: Well, if you ever decide to go, we know a boy you can take with you.

(Y/N): Thanks, but I’ll pass. 🥰

- Thursday. 5PM. -

Unknown: Hi Tadashi. The textbook you wanted finally came in! Feel free to drop by anytime to come pick it up.

Tadashi: Alright, thanks (Y/N)!

Unknown: Yep, no prob!

Tadashi: Hey, is this your personal number?

Unknown: yeah 😊

(Y/N) has been added to contacts.

Tadashi: Hope you don’t mind if I contact you like in the future. 😊

(Y/N): Oh, I wouldn’t mind at all!

“Tadashi, hi,” you greeted, waving as the boy came into your line of sight. With a baseball cap on his head today, you almost mistaken him for someone else. Pulling out the textbook, you handed it over to him. “Here you go! You weren’t the only one trying to get your hands on this textbook today.”

Tadashi peered at you curiously as he accepted the textbook.

“You look tired,” he pointed out.

You just shrugged with a half smile. “The bio test was today - that was gruesome.”

“At least that’s done with,” he encouraged you. “Week’s almost over, too.”

“Best part is I’m off in five,” you agreed.

You could see your words caught Tadashi’s interest.

“Are... are you still working after?”

Shaking your head, you leaned back against the counter. “Nope, told them I was busy today so no shifts at the pharmacy tonight.”

“Would you like to go out with me then?” Tadashi asked hopefully. “We can hit up a café and grab something to eat?”

Good thing you were leaning against the counter, because the surprise you felt would have toppled you over.

“Oh, um, sure!” you agreed, cheeks heating up a little. “I’ll meet you outside in five?”

“Sounds good.”

- Friday. 9AM. -

Tadashi: I enjoyed my time with you yesterday.

(Y/N): I enjoyed my time too! Although the cookies there were kind of hard... 😢

Tadashi: Yeah... I find us somewhere with nice cookies next time.

(Y/N): Just a warning, next time might be a while. My schedule is usually full.

Tadashi: That’s fine!! If you ever find yourself with free time, let me know, I’d like to spend it with you.

(Y/N): 🥰

(Y/N): You’re too sweet, Tadashi.

(Y/N): How are you single??

Tadashi: Haha, I could ask you the same thing. Probably the same reasons as you though. I’m usually too focused with what’s in front of me.

Tadashi: Hope to see you around though.

(Y/N): me too

- Some Tuesday. 8PM. -

“And your total is 18.95,” you said, pressing buttons on the register to confirm the amount. The customer tapped their card for the purchase before taking their bags. “I hope you feel better!”

“Thank you,” the customer responded as they left.

You waited until they had gone completely before heading back to find your manager. Spotting one of older pharmacy students, you decided to talk to them instead.

“Hi,” you greeted.

“(Y/N), need any drugs?” Harper asked with a smile.

“I’ll take them all,” you joked. “Let Aria know I left if you see her for me?”

“Yeah, go. You’re free,” she ushered, waving you away.

As you pulled on your jacket and stepped out of the pharmacy, a figure caught you by surprise.

“Tadashi!” you exclaimed.

“Surprised?” he asked. “Thought I’d walk you home, not safe for you to walk the street alone at night.”

“I do it frequent enough,” you countered with a smile.

“Ooh, risk taker,” Tadashi said.

You laughed. “I appreciate this though, thanks.”

Tadashi nodded. As the two of you were catching up each other on what happened throughout the day, you felt Tadashi slip his hand into yours. Fingers intertwined, you could feel your heart racing.

This was something you didn’t want to let go of.

- Some Monday. 2PM. -

GoGo: Yo, Tadashi

GoGo: Fred wants to know when you’ll be back with the snacks.

Tadashi: Just stepped back on campus.

GoGo: Took you a while.

GoGo: You seeing someone behind our back?

Tadashi: Ha. Does Baymax count?

- A couple weeks later. Friday. 10AM. -

“Someone looks cute today,” Mina commented as you sat down next to her in the lecture hall. She eyed you up and down, nodding approvingly. “Not working today?”

“Yeah,” you replied. “My rare day off besides class. Thought I’d put a little more effort in today.”

“Well, you look adorable,” Mina confirmed. She let out a sigh when she saw the professor walk in. “Let’s see if we can survive these next two hours.”

“Challenge accepted,” you said, bumping her shoulder playfully. “Although, I might lose you halfway.”

Mina gasped and smacked your arm.

You laughed as you pulled your laptop. Although the two hours went by at a decent pace, you were glad the course was three quarters way through.

At the brutal pace your professor went, there was nothing but review for the few weeks before final exams. It was nice to know you didn’t have to teach yourself an entire unit in a week before your final.

Bidding Mina goodbye, you weaved your way out of the lecture hall and out into campus. At this point, most groups of students you saw hanging around were study groups. You would have been like them too, if you hadn’t worked so hard to make things work.

Balancing two part time jobs along with classes had you putting in so much extra effort that it usually paid off in the long run.

Yay.

Navigating your way through the streets with the GPS app open on your phone, you soon spotted the campus you were looking for.

SFIT.

(Abbreviated, because thinking through what each letter stood for was too much effort.)

Slowly wandering around as you pulled up the campus directory, your eyes glimmered when you spotted the building you were looking for. Popping inside, you clutched onto your bag, peering around curiously. There was so much science happening in this space.

Lots of creativity too, you wondered why their tradition was to prank the art school.

Poking around, you soon realized you were lost among the many rooms and labs. Your mission was a failure. Pouting, you pulled your phone.

(Y/N): Help me, I’m lost.

Tadashi: What do you mean?

(Y/N): I wandered into the lab building and was going to surprise you with a visit, but I don’t know where to find you. 🙁

(Y/N): I didn’t think this through...

Tadashi: Awwww

Tadashi: What room number do you see? I’ll find you.

(Y/N): Lab 2B

Tadashi: omw

As you awkwardly waited for Tadashi to show up, you tried not to look suspicious. Although admittedly, you were sure you looked suspicious regardless since you were lost.

“There you are,” the soft yet deep voice greeted from behind you.

Turning around to see Tadashi, you smiled.

“Sorry for the trouble,” you apologized.

“Not at all.” Tadashi shook his head. He took a moment to take you in. Within his eyes, you were absolutely beautiful. He didn’t want to mess up, so he kept it to himself. He’d voice his thoughts one day. “Welcome to Nerd Lab, by the way.”

So this was where Tadashi, your roommates, and their friends all spent their long hours working.

Tadashi took your hand. “Come on, I want to show you my lab.”

Following after Tadashi, the two of you entered the elevator behind arriving on the floor of his personal lab space. He opened a door, showing you his tidy space.

“Baymax won’t be in the works for a while, but here,” he pulled out several large blueprints. The image of an almost plush like character was found in the middle. “This is going to be Baymax.”

In awe of all the labelled details and planning in place, you looked up at Tadashi.

“This is incredible,” you breathed out. “You’re incredible too.”

Tadashi dipped his head down and captured your lips for a kiss.

Before he had the opportunity to pull back too far, you went in and gave him a quick peck as well.

Although the two of you were flushed, the loving gaze you could see in Tadashi’s eyes made you feel hopeful about this relationship.

“Can I see the medical programming?” you asked, breaking the silence.

Tadashi shyly nodded. “All the computer.”

- Later. -

(Y/N): Do you think we should let our friends know?

Tadashi: Nah, they’ll catch on eventually.

(Y/N): But if they don’t should I just accept their blind date request?

Tadashi: WHAT?

(Y/N): 😂

(Y/N): I asked for more details one time.

(Y/N): He’s this handsome robotics engineering student, who nice and has a good sense of humor. Apparently he’s very dedicated to his work too.

Tadashi: …

Tadashi: They’ve tried to set me up with their friend as well.

(Y/N): Hmm, maybe we were meant to be after all

Tadashi: I think so. 😀

(Y/N): 😘

#big hero 6 #big hero 6 imagine #tadashi hamada x reader #tadashi hamada imagine #tadashi hamada imagines #tadashi hamada #tadashi #hamada #x reader #reader insert #imagine #imagines #catching stardust #request #happy 2021!

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studiojeon · 3 years

Text

troubled outsiders | intro - jjk

| summary | - how you two end up pining for each other.

warnings: none :)

content: idol!jungkook x student!oc, friends to lovers (because it’s THE superior trope okurrrt), jungkook is quiet and shy but a social butterfly when needed (and when it comes to oc but you’re not supposed to know that yet), oc is both a badass and a socially akward queen, she has TWO friends and only because one is dating the other (like... same), the Lee Charyeong is her bestie, oc works at bighit and feels like everyone either fears her or hates her, author nim is a crackhead and has no plot planned for this series whatsoever (doesn’t know if she’ll keep this up, we’ll see).

words: 1.93 k

His presence was overwhelming, to say the least. Even if he were surrounded by six hundred other equally handsome men, somehow, to you (and the majority of the female population, at that point) he was as captivating and magnetic as they come. Jeon Jungkook didn't pay no mind to no one, but sure as hell everyone became hyper aware of his existence and essence in time. And that didn’t exclude you.

Yet, as nonchalant and indifferent as the man could be perceived, in reality he was more considerate and friendly than the aura he exuded. You knew this because working in the same company had to teach a thing or two about the people who literally carried said company and the whole industry at some point, still you barely knew four or three people, including your assistant and Jungkook, whom you had met once.

The opportunity of working at the company had come to you out of the blue, quite literally, you were attempting to send one of your assignments in when an email appeared in your notifications during your sailor moon study break.

HYBE Entertainment

We’re glad to inform you that you’re being recruited for the position of Logistics Manager in one of our sub companies, BIGHIT Entertainment. We’ve thoroughly looked through the CV you’ve submitted and are very interested in your capabilities and what you can contribute to our organization. One of our other managers will gladly meet you on a day you can both agree on. Make sure to answer this email to get more details about your interview.

“Nani!? THE FUCK?” sure as hell that your eyes and cognitive functions were deceiving you (ADHD) you went over the text a little over three times in a row before the message settled in your mind. This was sus.

Before even considering a reply you made a quick call. “Fucking Lee Chaeryeong” you spat on your end of the line. “You did this, didn’t you?”.

Her silence was more than enough to have you cursing her under your breath. “I don’t know what exactly you’re talking about but it most likely was me. Does it have to do with a sex toy in particular?”

“No” you denied almost monotonously, guessing the pile of boxes in the corner of your room with her names on them was what she referred to. “Does anything come to mind if i mention BIGHIT FUCKING ENTERTAINMENT?”

It was her. All those conversations during the summer about how badly you wanted to work in the entertainment business as marketing staff of some sort had their effect on your friend, who, despite all your excuses and denials, knew you better than you and your mom combined did, and because of this, was sure as hell you were not making a move towards that goal whatsoever. So, being the boss bitch she was, she took matters into her own hands, was what she explained.

You concluded that was the reason you had reached a point in your life where you had more experience than most recently graduated kids in your field, because Chaeryeong had you moving every summer break. You had been the manager of a coffee franchise and convenience store during you junior and senior years, and also figured a way to improve the marketing management strategy of a fucking restaurant while at it. Not to toot your own horn, but you were kind of cool.

Or not. “I hope this job satisfies your workaholic ass for once, I’m running out of ideas”. Chaeryeong spat before hanging up.

Sure as hell it would.

On friday afternoon, you made your way to the HYBE INSIGHT building and introduced yourself to your recruiters who promised to give you a call at some point. “It went fine” you told Chaeryeong once you were in your car. And it was the truth, however you weren’t so sure if they would actually hire you at some point since well, you were a girl in a male dominated industry and, in your opinion, there were always better people than you. “Wanna go grab coffee?”

“I want to. But, I have practice today. I’m actually on my way there. Please avoid driving through Hongdae today, this shit’s packed.” You sighed and thanked her for the heads up. You missed your friend, badly. You hadn’t seen each other in three weeks, and you didn’t even live so far away from each other (you did, but it had been worse before). You two had very agitated lives to say the least. Chaeryeong was a kpop group member, and well, you were jumping from job to job and getting your phD in Business Management at the same time. It was hard to find moments to spare together during some periods of the year, but you guess the anticipation made your encounters better.

“Talk about anticipation” you slammed your forehead against your desk, taking a breather after such an anxiety packed situation. Short story: you got the job (for some fucking reason). And you had gone through a whole week of expectancy and anguish. Not getting that job would have broken your heart, and ego at the same time.

You guessed the law of attraction tactics Chaeryeong had taught you had sorted their effect and were what led you to your current position in life.

“Miss _____, your presentation’s ready” your work assistant gave you a comforting pat in the back as she took a seat somewhere next to you. You were nervous, shitless. It was your fifth week at the job, and being the proactive woman you were, you had collected lots of data in order to come up with a resources management plan.

It was a Thursday afternoon, and more than a hundred people sat in front of you, waiting for your speech. Including him, who you’d once bumped into accidentally during one of your data recollections runs inside the building.

You hated having the need to impress others yet, hence your anxious behaviour. But this was a decisive moment in regards to your validation in your new job and how you’d continue to be perceived during your work stance (no reason to panic at all)… you needed to get it together.

“I think I just pissed off a bunch of old men right now,” you told your assistant right after you got off stage. “I need a bathroom break”. Linh gave you a reassuring smile, one she always had plastered on her face.

“Take as long as you need to. I’ll give you a call once the rest are done”.

The commute to the bathroom was unnecessarily complicated in your opinion. You had spent a little over a month rushing through the hallways of the building and you swore every single day your spatial orientation got a bit more fucked up. There was no way there wasn’t a single bathroom on the floor you were in, that would just be atrocious. “It’s not completed yet” someone said beside you as you stared at the half empty map the company had projected on a wall next to the elevators. “Where do you need to go?”

Kim Taehyung of all people in the world was talking to your ugly and unworthy ass. Your breath caught in your throat and after staring for at least five seconds your body finally reacted to your orders. “Oh, um… the bathroom. I’ve been looking for it for a good ten minutes” you explained with a nervous laugh.

“Trust me, I get it. I still get lost over here” he smiled gently. “It’s in the hallway in the middle of the next hallway”

You laughed at his very ambiguous explanation. “Thank you” you bowed your head and made your way to said destination.

It was in the hallway to your left, not your right, and it took you a while to figure out that new piece of information. Once you were staring at yourself in the mirror, you realized that you looked considerably tired and exhausted from all the social interaction you had undergone throughout the day. You were used to the side stares and whispering you’d get whenever you entered a room at that point, but some days you just wished you could get a break from them. After all, it wasn’t your fault you didn’t look Korean at all, and that you also didn’t fit the stereotype of a foreigner.

You got that from your mom, both the non Korean features and social fatigue. But that wasn’t even the problem most of the time, it was your friendly and smart nature which she had also passed onto you. Some would consider it a blessing, but to you it was a burden, like a clear glass that shielded you from introducing yourself into other people’s realities. You had few friends and people to trust, but in your everyday life you had to deal with the pressure of standing out too much and that came with a lot of negative energy from others. You sigh as you spray your favorite fragrance on yourself. You could be feeling like shit, but no one will ever catch you slipping.

But that excluded him apparently. You hadn’t noticed that on the other side of the hallway was the men’s bathroom and the realization hit you as you were calmly getting some tea from the vending machine. “Good afternoon” the man greeted you as he made his way out the hallway, but stopped in his tracks right after he noticed you. “_____! Hi” he smiled at you and you wanted to die, suddenly forgetting what you were ordering in the first place.

“H-hi Jungkook” You smiled back, poorly attempting to put your wallet back into your backpack.

“Need help there?” he noticed your agitated state and held your bag for you. He smelled just as heavenly as you had expected, somewhat between big dick energy and flowers. Oh, and he also remained as kind and polite as you remembered him.

Seeming as if he wasn’t planning on continuing his path to wherever he was heading to in the first place, he stood quietly by your side, waiting for you to be done with your deal. “How have you been?” you break the ice for him.

Quickly, you grab your tea and start walking back to the auditorium together, unaware of your surroundings or the suspicions that could arise. “Busy, but very good. How have you been? I saw your presentation earlier… I wish I understood half of what you said but you still sounded amazing”.

And you would never admit it out loud, but you were positive you were blushing (and falling in love too - platonically, of course). “Oh god, you think so? I basically told them they’ve been doing things wrong all along so maybe you’re the only one who’s appreciative of my work” you handed him the second can of iced tea you bought without him noticing. You swear his eyes lit up like stars in the night sky. “Payback for the other day” you smile at him.

The first time you two had crossed paths you didn’t look nearly as glamorous as you did now. In fact, you looked incredibly disturbed and in pain, carrying a huge pile of paperwork in your hands. But as soon as sweet Jungkook noticed your state, he offered you a hand and somehow ended up helping through your multiple data collecting trips that afternoon. It was a nice day.

“Anytime” he took the can in his hands with a shy look on his face. “Unless I’m practicing, you know…” you look down at his feet, with huge black boots engulfing them, and you smile due to their contrast with his personality. “Here, i’ll give you my number so you can call me whenever you need to put all those papers back. Hopefully I’ll be around” he added as he pulled his phone from his back pocket.

Way to get a girl’s number, my god.

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