We need to talk about pregnancy

“You’re glowing.” “Pregnancy is so beautiful.” “What a miracle.” Lies. Lies. And more fucking lies. We need to talk about pregnancy. We need to talk about this special level of hell, the one Dante didn’t know about because he didn’t have a womb. I don’t mean to shit on it because it’s fucking WORK – but there is a level of honesty that isn’t maintained in the narrative. And knowing what I…

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The Simpler Things

It’s 1 in the morning in Madrid and I’m sitting curled up on the chair in the corner of my hotel room. My best friend is sleeping and Batman vs Superman is on in the background, dubbed in Spanish. I’ve cracked a coke from the minibar – for the first time in my life – and I’m craving ceviche. I should be sleeping because we’ve knackered ourselves out today and we wake up early, planning to do the…

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Toya’s Book Nuggets - Unusual Medicine

I binge read this yesterday and loved it. It sparked my interest in finally posting my highlights and notes on Instagram. I read a lot, but only a few books really grab me to the point of highlights on every other paragraph – and I am always dying to share these with people but that’s hard to do without spamming. It’s a really crucial read about autism and addition; something that is very…

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King of TMI Baby

I share all the sordid details of my life on social media, without even hesitating about doing it. I don’t think sharing my world is a bad thing, nor do I think of it as seeking attention, although I know that many people do. And so I have been wondering lately – as I experience the biggest chain of life changes I ever have – why I enjoy letting everyone into the events. Without judgement and…

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Do I Belong To You?

I was socialised as a girl; that soft, meek thing who unleashed sin on the world. Soft in body, soft in mind. I was raised to pander, placate, please. When introduced to strangers, I was taught to smile – even though they had done nothing to earn it. This set a dangerous precedent. Just as strangers were bestowed access to my facial expressions, they would perceive access to my body. Long before…

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Safe, Honest, Flexible

I was doing some self work (eurgh does it ever end?) and one of the prompts was to consider which aspects of a relationship I find important. I’m not sure I had ever actually thought about it (can’t know what you want if you don’t know who you are, love)! The prompt came with a helpful list so I circled the ones I liked, as…

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This same day last year I posted this. I posted it because after all those years of being a hopeless romantic, I had ended up with nothing but pain. I was feeling very fragile, very silly, very embarrassed. A year on, I stand firm in the reality that I am indeed the most shameless of romantics, that I will continue to trust others with my heart even though they could hurt me, that I am incredibly strong for having so much love to continue giving. Therapy has shown me that wanting to love and be loved is okay. It has also taught me to see my old codependent behaviours, the red flags in myself, the way I plugged my pain by trying to save other people, by trying to make them love me. I have grown so much in a year. And I am so proud of myself and anyone else who has done the work to get here ❤️ It’s Christmas, so I’m feeling retrospective and soppy. Remember that because this next bit is corny af. Though we often utilise it like one, love is not a weapon. Love is a choice. Every day. 🌺 Link in my bio! 🌺 .⁣ .⁣ .⁣ .⁣ #Love #Soppy #Christmas #HopelessRomantic #Growth #Healing #Romance #Retrospection #MentalHealth #Recovered #Codependent #Trauma #SelfCare #CopingMechanisms #SelfAware #LGBTQIA #Queer #NB #BlackOwnedBlog https://www.instagram.com/p/Cmg3UF2Nu1X/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Sometimes sad, sometimes rage baby ✨ 🌺 Link in my bio! 🌺 .⁣ .⁣ .⁣ .⁣ #BigSad #Depression #Anxiety #MentalHealth #ReadThisWhen #WhenItGetsBad #Trauma #SelfCare #CopingMechanisms #SelfAware #LGBTQIA #Queer #BlackOwnedBlog #QueerWriters https://www.instagram.com/p/Clt2ijNt4rT/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Read This When You’re Feeling Guilty

For a while now – you simply can’t put a time frame on it – you’ve been trying and failing to stay steady in the maelstrom. You haven’t quite been successful (by the standards that trauma has constructed in your mind) and you’re angry at yourself. You should be angry at the world, at the unspoken rules that force you to survive rather than rest, angry at the people who put you on the back foot.…

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Why Is It Spicy?

Why Is It Spicy?

There are neurodivergents who rely on self diagnosis alone and it’s totally valid. It doesn’t make them any less neurospicy. So I didn’t really think much about pursuing an official diagnosis once I realised that I was somewhere on the spectrum. In my mind, it wouldn’t change much, and it didn’t really matter to me to have ‘proof’. Honestly, if it wasn’t for the spidey senses of friends, I…

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No bad vibes ✨ 🌺 Link in my bio! 🌺 .⁣ .⁣ .⁣ .⁣ #Closure #MovingOn #Healing #SelfLove #Relationships #Dating #Heartbreak #InnerChild #Codependency #AnxiousAttachment #Prose #POV #Queer #LGBTQIA #NonBinaryWriters #BlackWriters #QueerWriters #Blog https://www.instagram.com/p/CiImecxM4a6/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Free Rein To Love You

You didn’t imagine that you would see her there. It’s not that you weren’t thinking about her. If you’re being honest with yourself; you think about her often – way more than you agree you ought to. You justify wayward reminiscing by reminding yourself that at the time, it felt like she destroyed you. She didn’t, of course not, but you still feel the breathless ache of missing her. Your heart…

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🎉 🌺 Link in my bio! 🌺 .⁣ .⁣ .⁣ .⁣ #Alone #Single #Dating #Toxic #Relationships #Solo #Codependency #Attachment #BreakUps #InnerChild #Grief #Love #Loneliness #SelfLove #Love #SelfCare #SelfAware #Healing #NonBinary #LGBTQIA #Queer #MentalHealth #BlackOwnedBlog #QueerWriters #Blogger #BlackBloggers #BlogPost #NonBinaryWriters #POC https://www.instagram.com/p/ChaHqhPMeMq/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Nothing To No One

It came and went without much fanfare. It took me a couple of weeks to even realise that it had happened. But it did. The thing that seemed impossible at the start. Single for a year. That is an incredibly big deal for me. I was, after all, in serious relationships continuously between the ages of 18-24. Then, just to stick the knife into the already oozing mess that was me, I jumped headfirst…

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A year ago I wrote this for CGM. They don’t exist anymore - which is sad - but at the time I was just staring to realise that I deserved better; for myself and my loved ones. It’s so interesting to see where I was then and compare it to where I am now. That’s to say, I’ve been too tired to write a new post so I’m going to repost something old l u l 🌺 Link in my bio! 🌺 .⁣ .⁣ .⁣ .⁣ #Authenticity #SelfLove #MentalHealth #Healing #LGBTQIA #Queer #NonBinary #ND #BlackBloggers #BlackWriters #Pride https://www.instagram.com/p/CfmYco9M4ar/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Becoming Your Authentic Self 

Often, it takes an event that shocks our systems to facilitate change. To realise that we aren’t being our most authentic self and that we aren’t actually all that happy. We realise that we aren’t living life how we want to do so. It can take a sudden mental shutdown, a reboot and something as simple as a podcast to bring us face to face with ourselves. This happened to me recently. I found…

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The feminine urge to just…🪷 🌺 Link in my bio! 🌺 .⁣ .⁣ .⁣ .⁣ #Casual #Dating #Relationships #BreakUps #InnerChild #Grief #Love #Standards #SelfLove #Love #SelfCare #SelfAware #Healing #NonBinary #LGBTQIA #Queer #MentalHealth #BlackOwnedBlog #QueerWriters #Blogger #BlackBloggers #BlogPost #NonBinaryWriters #POC https://www.instagram.com/p/Cc3Lg-8sluu/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=