#the universe likes to target and punish people like you and you get to ask why forever
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in the middle of assessing for adhd/asd and i feel like an idiot. is this normal? lol
#not a pleasant experience#sorry this is a bit tmi don't bother reading or do#my main concern is I’m gonna fall down a pit - and not the pit from gravity falls#i just feel like my life is gonna stop when/if they say hey honey you're just a confused straggler#the universe likes to target and punish people like you and you get to ask why forever#you will never belong anywhere with anyone and i'll make that permanent now gtfo of my office w your slight hope and fry#i feel sick to my stomach and i wish i could go back to being oblivious
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I’m loving your vees x reader take and I thought I’d add some of my own:
You push back against the vees once, and it ends badly for you, especially with Val.
ooooo i love this thought!!
notes: implied (sexual) assault (not done by any of the Vees), forced prostitution
Maybe this is the universe where 'you' are an erotica writer for the Vees, completely unaware of the amount of privileges you're being given. Well, compared to the typical unfortunate soul that ends up doing 'contracted work' for them, at least. You aren't worked to the bone by Vox, not held to Velvette's high standards nor lashing tongue, or made to spread your legs for anyone or anything by Valentino, including himself. You just stay in your small office, meet your deadlines, and have semi-regular meetings with Vox. Really, you have no idea how lucky you are.
Pushing back against the Vees could mean anything. Perhaps you insisted on getting more royalties in return for your work, or for your deadlines to be pushed back. Depending on how long you've been working there and the level of interest from the Vees, you might have messed around with someone too much, and protested against the consequences.
An example will need to be set. A first punishment should be one of the roughest ones, the three of them agree, in order to set a good example for the future. And, well... Who better to leave it to than Val? Valentino will give you something worth actually bitching and moaning about. He's likely not angry enough to actually shoot you, but there's plenty of other things he can fuck you up with! His goal is making you know your place, know how nice they've been all along... What better way to show you that, than making you walk the track?
Valentino makes enough money off of his porn and demons begging to hook up with his people, that he doesn't actually send people out on the street anymore, except as a punishment. The risk is simply far higher than any possible rewards, in Hell at least. He's famous now, so there's no need for it. The only thing worse than a dumb whore is a dead, dumb whore, he'd laugh out when asked about it. But this shit was what he made the majority of his money came from back in life, so he knows exactly how to dit.
You'd get dressed up in clothes of Valentino's choice, flashy enough, and obviously related to the Vees, so that you're sure to get your fair share of attention. You'll get demons drooling at your feet, without you even having to try. Though the possibility of you getting robbed is just as present. Valentino practically shoves you out the door, a hand on each of your shoulders, and a grin on his face. You're allowed back inside when you make me a bit of cash, baby. How about a thousand? And then slams the door in your face.
You're left out on the street, and shaking. You stand out far more than you'd like, and you have no interest in actually going through with what's been ordered of you. But how else are you supposed to get that much in cash, that quickly? You stand there, trembling, entirely unsure of what to do. Your phone vibrates in your pocket.
Valentino: i can see you out the window.
Valentino: get OUT THREE
Valentino: you don't want to stand around for too long.
And maybe you go out there and try, or maybe you don't! Either way, you're such an obvious target that it doesn't take long for you to be cornered in an alley, knife to your throat. (And even though you know you can't actually die anymore, that all of your cells will, eventually, regenerate, that doesn't make your fear any less poignant.)
Perhaps you are only robbed, perhaps something worse, but after that, when you're alone again and crying, your phone starts to vibrate so hard that you take it out and throw it away-- It feels like it's about to explode, after all. And out pops Vox, all pleasant smiles and offering you to take you back to headquarters. You're safe now, just trust him. If he'd been able to do that all along, then, why didn't he save you before? The question is ready on your lips, but you don't speak it aloud. You know the answer, and you're not ready to hear it spoken by another.
...You guess you know why Velvette sometimes calls him a 'prince', now.
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why you shouldn’t be stuck on getting your desires in a specific way
so SOME people treat their manifestation goals the same way they treat academic / career goals. they expect to hit specific targets and they go about it in a way that takes out the magic from manifesting and let me tell you why you should NOT do that and how you can actually manifest much more with EASE if you just change your mindset today.
lets say you’re intent is to manifest money. now from just reading that, what is the first thing your brain thought about?. when I even thought about manifesting money the only thing that came to my mind was picking up extra shifts at work. the reason my mind did that is cause I was stuck on manifesting money through only one source- my job. cause that was the only conceivable way in my mind. but you see that’s a limiting belief. now that was just an example of how I used to think and this is why I changed my beliefs on money.
The best way to get any of your desires is to not be stubborn and demand your manifestations to happen in the way you think is best for you, cause the universe ALWAYS has a better plan for you.
For example if you decide that you have to manifest money by making an extra $500 dollars at your job , and let’s say you’re an waitress and you intend to make $500 dollars in tips. That could work but let’s also say that you’re self concept around your work is trash, then you might still get your extra $500 at the end of the month but you might have to endure a lot of shitty customers. You might have to work for the money a lot more than what those $500 are worth to you. Another one of my go to examples is when my friend wanted to manifest money and she was intent on it happening on august 15, it had to happen that day or she was going to give up on manifestations she said to me. well, she got in a car accident 2 months prior and got her insurance money on the 15th just like she insisted.
I’m not saying this to make anyone fear law of attraction / assumption. The law is not an entity out to get you or punish you. That’s not how it works. Your higher self / future self or god (whatever you believe in) wants to show you how to make money or where to be to receive the money cause the universe always wants to help you so even if you feel like you’re failing or that things aren’t happening YOUR way it’s only cause the universe is trying to divert you to the RIGHT path. The way you let the universe and or god tell you is through opening your mind and your intuition. The more you practice awareness through breath work and meditation the more you can get these downloads as I call them. It’s when you hear the answer within, it’s when you get the intuition to take a different path to work and or whatever else your intuition tells you. Whatever that next step is, your heart will tell you.and every time you listen to your intuition you get one step closer to a much better life than you can even imagine. One different choice today can lead to whatever you wanted to manifest to come to you in ten fold. This is why I don’t focus on a specific amount when setting my intentions cause I always manifest more than I think is possible, cause I do not attach to the how. I ask the universe to make a way for me. and I ALWAYS manifest bigger and better things because I let god/universe show me the way a little bit every day.
#glow up#femininity#self care#manifestation#girly blog#law of attraction#hypergamy#soft life#self development#law of assumption#loa tumblr#meditation#neville goddard#edward art#spiritualgrowth#healing journey#self growth#boss babe
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Griffin Stagg Headcanons
Headcanons for the youngest boy in the cast: Griffin Stagg. No reader. Will update as I think of more.
TW for bullying, kidnapping, violence, death, gore (mentioned), does teeth count?.
Griffin is max eleven years old; probably ten. He's easily the youngest of the group. In fact, I headcanon he's a few months younger than Gwen. He uses this to his advantage, though, always bragging about how he'll live longer than her because he's younger. Not quite how it worked out, unfortunately.
I headcanon he's got an older brother who went to university/college recently before his kidnapping/death. He was pretty close with his brother; he always took Griffin out to play games or get food or just hang out. His brother was his closest friend, considering he barely had any friends of his own. His brother immediately came back home after he went missing to look for him, too.
This doesn't stop typically sibling fights, though. If you read my headcanon on who's the biggest tattletale, Griffin is number one. And his brother is not exempt from that. Growing up, they would constantly threaten to tell on each other for stuff and kept their word about it, too. Still, they always felt at least a little bit guilty about it, and would apologise and try to get each other out of trouble if the punishment was truly that bad.
Since his older brother's in college, his parents are on the older side. I don't know why but I feel like his mother would have arthritis in her hands, so as a little kid he had to be careful to not yank her around too hard. His father, on the other hand, is as fit as anything. They both take on pretty stereotypical roles in the family; his mother being a bit of a housewife (she still has a job, though) and his father doing all the handiwork.
Griffin's also had a lot of pet fish growing up, partly because he's a bit scared of dogs and is allergic to cats. They've always been some variation of goldfish or fighter fish, and always have the most classic names possible. "Goldie" or "Sunshine" or "Bluey" or some name based on some famous boxer were the most common. Strangely, no matter how similar they looked, he could always tell them apart. Or so he thinks, at least.
However, life wasn't all Lesley Gore's Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows. He was bullied a lot during his early years of school for having no friends. In turn, the bullying pushed people away from wanting to be his friend because they didn't want to join in on getting bullied. It only really died down because Griffin just didn't become a fun target after a while. He was too boring and didn't have as much of a reaction as the bullies wanted. He wasn't emotionless to it--don't get me wrong--but he just wasn't as explosive as they wanted.
Still, people didn't really want to be his friend after it. Griffin wasn't exactly considered cool either, so that tarnished his reputation a bit. He pretended to like being left alone, but it did get to him. Still, he's a "two's company, three's a crowd" type person. He just wants one friend outside of his family. Is that really too much to ask?
Ankle-biter of a child. If he gets forced into a fight his first weapon of defense is his teeth. Will sink those guys into whatever he can get to first. And they're sharp, too. He will draw blood if he's not careful.
Speaking of ankles, when he was a little kid he'd cling to his mother's leg when being dropped of at kindergarten/preschool. He'd cry and cry about having to go (something that would come back to haunt him in the future). Griffin definitely had some separation anxieties as a kid. Nowadays he's just lonely. Poor guy.
This kid loves candy apples. What more can I say? They're tasty. It's his favourite treat.
He also is a big Halloween fan. He loves to watch whatever horror movies his parents will let him. He barely even gets scared during them. The only thing he doesn't like is massive gore. It makes him feel uncomfortable. Though, he also likes to dress up the skeletons in his front yard with silly outfits. And there's always the love of trick-or-treating, too.
He gets good grades naturally. He's in an easier stage of school, so he'd definitely have to study more in future grades, but for now he's cruising.
Okay, now for some I'm taking from @tnmdfhgkg. 1), He'll do anything for a dollar (a dollar was worth more back then okay). 2), he's a shit-talker about other people, but 3), he's very nice once you get to know him. 4), he gets a lot of bug-bites during summer (mainly mosquitoes), and 5), he's a messy eater. Oh, and 6), he's the silliest goober in town; takes nothing seriously when he's in a goofy mood (always). Hope it's okay to tag you!
---
Will update this as I think of some more!
#also what should we call his family members?#i'm thinking of calling vance's mother Marissa#the phone rings#bullying tw#violence tw#kidnapping tw#death tw#child death tw#gore ment tw#tbp#the black phone#the black phone 2022#tbp hcs#the black phone hcs#tbp headcanons#the black phone headcanons#griffin stagg#tbp griffin#teeth tw
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so I sent an exact ask like this to Britt to say one thing to you both.
I have more respect for you and Britt then I ever could for LO.
why? because it proves that LO has a reason for being abusive, you see she dose not want some one who talks back and argues with her, she wants some one who she can keep under her thumb and if some one disagrees with her she can just punish them more.
now you could argue that is what happened but let me explain. yes that was a reaction that went poorly, but unlike LO who would never realize the mistake , tried to apologize and gave Britt and opening.
why? because anyone who forgives is weak and LO dose not forgive weakness because if she dose she would have to realize that she honestly is an asshole and could loose the one thing that she , as an Online Celebrity has.
a person to direct all that rage that the fandom has so that they are having such a fun time dunking on that one target, they do not notice that LO dose the same shit.
like , you know , a person is a responsible relationship would do. realize they are not the center of the universe and that they can in fact harm people. you are even able to admit that .
because LO have the same belief that also can in fact happen in situations like this. that the only victim is a perfect victim, a victim who can do no wrong so that I can use as a shield , especially if they are me.
like this whole shit show is why I fucking hate online and off line celebrities. because they want to see them self's that can do not wrong and those who worship celebrities as a way to punish those who's crime is acting wrong.
I am so sorry that this shit show has happened between you and Britt because you both have one wish, to see some consequences to LO actions and not to be seen as a celebrity. you both deserve better.
while i thank you for that, id also like to point out one major difference between britt and lily
britt is not a shit person. ive never once thought she was and im not about to now.
someone is allowed to be a bitch to me without it making them just an all around shit human. I am not the deciding factor in someones "goodness" and im not going to act like i am.
Britt is a good person, ive always thought so and i always will. Ive spent a whole year getting to know her. And while i wont shy away from my belief that she has her head up her ass regarding the situation with her and me, Im not for a second going to let that make me think she isnt the person that i spent a year getting to know.
She is a trustworthy person, she has morals and principals and she sticks to them. Shes never been in this for fame or power or views. Im hurt that i lost a friend, but im not going to say she is something that she isnt just because she doesnt like me anymore.
Britt didnt "drop a mask" because she doesnt have one to drop.
I didnt "break her mask" because she doesnt have one to break.
Lily on the other hand? well none of the above can really be said about lily
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Writeblr Re-Intro, 4th Edition
Hi! I'm copper or dragon or whatever else you wanna call me. Minor, he/him preferred but they/them also works. My main is @copper-dragon-in-disguise. I'm queer & neurodivergent.
Asks and messages welcome! I might take a while to respond to them but I like them. I mostly write fantasy, and my current main WIP is a steampunk fantasy murder mystery called Herald At Dawn. I also have a few back burner WIPs, which are all below the cut. (also, these all have taglists, if you're interested i can add you to them!)
Post subject to updates at any time.
My WIPs:
Herald At Dawn (#wip: herald at dawn)
Synopsis: 11 years ago a woman named Marisol Ekker was murdered by the wife of her son's father, Evelyn Belmont. Despite evidence to the contrary, Evelyn Belmont was acquitted, and faced no punishment. Nearly a decade later, investigative reporter Alexandrina McLelland approached Marisol Ekker's son, Nathaniel--who was 12 at the time of her death--, to write an article about the corruption present in the case. Shortly after the article is published a string of murders begins, with no seeming rhyme or reason to connect the victims. But the timing seem suspect, and as the fallout of the articles publishing hits Nathaniel, more and more people keep dying, until the killer targets somebody much closer to home than Alex would've ever guessed.
Herald At Dawn was originally done for NaNo 2023 (I did a half nano, 25k not 50k), and its a steampunk murder mystery with a dash of fantasy. Set in a city called Volimere, it tells the story of the staff of a newspaper called The Clockwork Herald, and their adventures with a murder. The main POV character is Alexandrina McLelland (she/her), an investigative reporter. It's gay as fuck and also the first in what I intend to be a series!
Backburner WIPs:
Some context: The first three are all inspired by dnd characters/campaigns, and are in the same world/universe. The fourth is also in the same universe & dnd inspired, but it doesn't have a specific character attached to it.
Frost & Fire (#wip: frost & fire)
Synoposis: The death of an ancient primordial dragon brings the greatest (if not that well known) adventurers of the last centuries together. Enna Helder-Kromlin, half-Elf thief and contractor for the crown of Halmond, along with her sister, Anne, leader of the thieves guild Oleski. Anastrannia & Redari Galendel, twin half-Frost Dragon, half-Elves, one a shadow ranger and one a shadow sorcerer. They must work together, if not get along, to stop a evil dragon named Dizerdrat from trying to claim the power released by the death for himself, because if he does his could conquer the world—and would.
Frost & Fire is my original WIP, and I need to rework the plot a lot, but I still quite like it. Its about two twin half-elves named Anne (she/they) and Enna (any pronouns) Helder-Kromlin , and their efforts to stop a dragon from using magic (that he got from killing another, different dragon who was as old as time, pretty much) to conquer the world (this one particular continent, but despite the fact that they're spectacularly well traveled for half-elf orphans neither of them have ever actually left the continent, so its the world to them). Along the way they meet Anastrannia (she/they/ze) and Redari (they/he) Galendel, two siblings who have a lot of secrets and know a suspicious amount about dragons. This has a wip intro, though it isn't super current, but I'm linking it anyway.
One of Copper (#wip: one of copper)
Synopsis: The current god of death, Illa, came to power during a war between the gods a thousand years ago. A wizard is now trying to start another one, aiming to kill a god and take their place. Illa does not want to see another celestial war. She has no direct influence on the mortal plane, however, and so she outsources the quest to a ragtag group of heroes, when the original group of heroes sends back a memo saying that they're retired, and she can come down herself and make them go herself if she's so insistent.
One of Copper is about a bard named Kairon (he/they) and his friends, Ash (she/her, 60-something blacksmith), Joshua (he/him, quarter-elf fighter with minor nature magic and a massive crush), and Elas (they/them, elf sorcerer who is mildly (read: Very) cursed) & their adventures. Originally this was gonna be high fantasy, then it was gonna be lighthearted high fantasy, and now its gone in the exact opposite direction into high fantasy except much sadder than the original. Its about Death trying to stop a war between the gods that a wizard is trying to start, because the wizard wants to become one. (the goddess of death is called Illa. she's inspired by the Raven Queen in d&d).
UNNAMED, aka Enna's Prequel (PREV: Angel's Daughters) (#wip: ennas prequel)
By the time they were 19 years old, Enna and Anne Helder-Kromlin had been accused of murder once, imprisoned at least three times, and orphaned twice. By the time they were forty, those numbers would be changed to six, fourteen, and one, respectively. They had only ever actually committed four of the murders they were accused of, as Enna liked to remind people. Unfortunately, they had also been the targets of a blood feud, gotten kidnapped then almost killed by a necromancer, and twice had to go into hiding.
This is the backstory of Anne and Enna. Its set approx. 10-20 years before Frost & Fire, and it shows how they ended up where they are now, and their adventures. This is directly based off the original d&d campaign I played with Enna as my PC, and the main plot elements are a necromancer named Eleanor, a murdered brother, blood feuds (of a sort), and various other things. This is unnamed. It was previously called Angel's Daughters, but that rather spoiled the ending.
Silence and Secondhand Souls (#wip: silence and secondhand souls)
Fate is an interesting thing. Some doubt it even exists. Not me. Not anymore. Souls don’t rest until they’ve told their story, and I’ve got a long way to go yet. My friends are dead and so am I, haunting a narrative I never got a choice in. How exactly did that happen, you ask? Let me start at the beginning. Or the end, rather. I died when I was 21 years old.
Silence and Secondhand Souls is a first person POV story, narrated by Alexandra Rovenowa. She is dead. This is the story of how she died, set seventy years or so before Frost & Fire. It is also the story of how history likes to repeat itself, and how sending kids on quests for the sake of the world is bad, and of a kind Death, despite it all. (This is my most dramatic wip. Its a tragedy, and I really, really like it.) This does not have a current wip intro.
#writeblr#writeblr intro#writers on tumblr#creative writing#my current one is almost exactly a year old so i figured it was time for a new one#i need to get the new intros done for the other four
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What really kills me about when people accuse Loki betraying Sylvie is that it misses what should be a true hero arc "this is bigger than are experiences" think about that that is someone taking the time a considering others not just the target of their affections but everyone weighing the consequences against one's person's wants is what heroes do
The last episode is the one I hate the most for that very reason: he's acting like a goddamn hero but the framing keeps insisting he's the bad guy, it takes Sylvie's side immediately!
He has good quotes in that exchange, like:
Loki: "Sylvie, the universe is in the balance, everything we know to be true. Everything. I know the TVA has hurt us both. But what if by taking him out, we risk unleashing something even worse?"
This is someone who cares about the multiverse and other people's well-being (in direct contrast to Sylvie's "so what?" reply when he asks her "what if he's telling the truth?"). That line in bold is probably the most important one and it's linked to this chat before they enter the Citadel:
Loki: "Are you okay?"
Sylvie: "Yeah, I just need a moment"
Loki: "Right... it's just that..."
Sylvie: "Loki, shut up. I was pruned before you even existed. I have been waiting for this moment my entire life, I just need a second to get my head straight"
The TVA has hurt both of them, this Loki comes straight from a time cell where he's been beaten repeatedly while Sylvie sat in her room with her feet on the table and a smug attitude and no punishment at all. Meeting HWR is important for both of them, not just her - and yet, Loki is told to shut up and only her trauma and pain matter. It's like he's only there for the ride: "oh you've suffered too? Well, too bad, we don't care, this is about her!"
So those words in bold during their discussion are important, he has to literally say "hey stop being so self-centered for a second and think of someone else for a change!" which he has every right to ask of her, but the framing is against him! It actively tries to paint him as selfish and her as a good girl. It's insane.
At that point it doesn't matter what he does or what he says, not even that line of "This is bigger than our experience." She's the good girl so anyone who doesn't agree with her is a villain, it's that pathetically simple.
And to add insult to injury you get the writers claiming Loki sided with the TVA and I just 🤦♀️🙈 Can we go back to the time when this series didn't exist?
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How does one attract Bunny Mask's attention (be it good or bad?) Is she inclined to help people as much as she is to hurt criminals?
good evening, @oculusxcaro! it's always nice to see you on my dash / notifs (: your questions are just the BEST, honestly! i'm really glad you asked because this gives me a chance to talk about the snitch, which is another being in the same universe that bunny mask is a part of. the snitch is very appropriately named, as essentially what this spirit has taken charge of is providing both humans, and sometimes even other deities with all of the darkest secrets that may lie within another person. they do this telepathically through whispers in a person's head whenever he, quote unquote, ' connects with someone. ' although it is usually crime-related, if the person in question that the snitch is talking about has not committed any crimes, then this darkest secret would probably manifest as the worst thing they've ever done. however... the snitch also has made a map of sorts related to these people's secrets and since bunny mask has been connected to that deity, she can easily access this map and find out who has committed illicit acts, such as murder or kidnapping. thus, this is primarily how she targets the people she kills for purposes of avenging someone / a creature, or potentially saving them from being hurt.
she also does a good deal of her own investigating, however, and has learned how to proficiently tail someone + gain information about them ( she likes to listen to police radio sometimes, as well as go to bars that are notoriously frequented by criminals, as well as contact information brokers if she just manages to see suspicious activity while she's out ) while walking the earth once more. so whenever she is stuck without any people to avenge / punish those who are about to hurt someone... bunny mask will simply only use her own wit and skills to find out whether this person has truly committed a heinous act or is about to. but anyhow, whenever it comes to whether bunny mask is inclined to help people as much as hurt criminals: the answer is a resounding yes. she is constantly striving to try to help humanity through both bigger and smaller ways, whether that be helping to get a person out of a dangerous situation even regarding something like nature ( which can often not be controlled. think of like an extreme snowstorm, a rockslide, a fire starting in a forest that has people nearby, etc. ) and helping to comfort someone who seems to be on their last leg in regards to life.
i believe that, at her core, bunny mask often has good intentions and has a good heart as well. but she is also absolutely unforgiving and the way in which she punishes people whenever it comes to those have willingly committed crimes can sometimes be terrifying. what i am trying to say is, she is as much of a protector as she is an enemy to criminals. that is actually one reason behind why she does what she does: to defend the goodness in this world from harm and give people hope that someone is looking after them. but of course, this also applies to animals, too.
#asks.#bunny mask is really just a big ol' teddy bear whenever it comes down to it... a teddy bear with claws haha#though if you are a criminal that doesn't really apply unfortunately and you are on bunny's hit-list... sorry#summary: bunny mask both craves violence and loves humanity with such ferocity. thank you for coming to my tedtalk
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MELANIE MARTINEZ - "EVIL"
youtube
We just couldn't help ourselves: Amnesty 2k23 is continuing for a few extra days before wrapping up for good. First, Micha asks us to revisit an artist we last covered eight years ago...
[3.75]
Ian Mathers: Whenever we cover someone on the Jukebox I'm not already familiar with, I wind up looking up what I can about the artist/album/song, just for my own edification. In this case, between having a Wikipedia page with a "Sexual assault allegation" subheading, the language I saw her fans using to defend her/defuse said allegations on reddit, and reading the lyrics to "Evil" afterwards... well, I got the ick. (For the record: the genders and identities of the relevant people do not exacerbate or mitigate any of the accusations for me, and even if I grant for the sake of argument the most steel-manned version of Martinez's defenses, even if her accuser was every bad thing claimed here or else, that still does not eliminate the ick or make me like the song.) And seeing as how I am not a court of law and I can neither punish Martinez in any way nor do I have any desire to do so, having the ick does not need to meet any further burden of proof for me to say I don't particularly want to hear this one again.
[4]
Nortey Dowuona: Maybe you shouldn't make a song about how someone is calling you evil when you abuse your friend's love and trust and can only say they didn't tell you that is what you did. That IS evil.
[0]
Taylor Alatorre: Thank you, Melanie Martinez, for deciding to stop making kindercore concept albums with song titles like "Sippy Cup" and "Lunchbox Friends," so I can listen to your stuff without feeling like I'd be aiming a flamethrower at my eternal soul. "Evil" is still rooted in the rococo fantasy impulses that have animated Martinez's career -- there's a stock sound effect of an egg being cracked -- but it puts them to more workmanlike ends, crafting a realistically spiteful break-up narrative that's upsetting within the song's moral universe but not viscerally so in ours. That straight-outta-Guyville guitar chug, steady and reliable as ever, helps ground the spritely vocal theatrics in something tangible, and the decision to let the chorus marinate for a few extra bars was a bold yet correct one. I'm probably grading on a curve due to low expectations, and judging from the Alex Garland-meets-Tim Burton aesthetics, I assume the rest of the album is nothing like this. But still: "tears of oxalate"? That's one of the most genuinely grunge-sounding lyrics this side of No Code.
[8]
Michael Hong: She snarls and fills the whole thing with cool details (the sound of an egg cracking when she sings, "wanna see the yolk"). Neat moves until the muffled framing lifts, the realization that she's not the victim of this story, but the girl who once wrote a diss track against someone who leveled accusations of sexual abuse against her.
[0]
Frank Kogan: Interesting vocal, halfway between cute and smoky.
[4]
Alfred Soto: The professionalism of its structure -- the hooks go boom-boom -- doesn't endear to me this honing of angst and decent rhymes.
[4]
Tara Hillegeist: This wouldn't have been out of place on Everything Is Embarrassing, which does about track for where Martinez's general inspirations draw from, compared to her contemporaries; she's still about two decades out of date, only now she's grown out of her kinderwhore-but-make-it-more-coquette era and settling herself solidly in A&Rechtshai'd also-ran wonderland. To be clear -- there's nothing that is unappealing about that steady grunge-fuzzed bass lick keeping the song grinding along beneath its childish piano twinkling and vocals that sound like they were sung into enough sheets of gauze to cover Martinez' signature squeaky pitch, with more sheets layered on the squeakier her voice threatens to get. And the lyrics are some of the strongest I've seen from her yet; certainly, her target demo could do worse for a self-liberation anthem than a singalong that proves this catchy and caustic beneath the sandpaper faux-distress sonically draped over every word -- better this than, say, "Alice Practice", almost certainly, yes? But I still feel like something's missing, here, and I wonder what it says about myself and Martinez alike that the best way I can think to articulate that lack is, indeed, to ask all over again, if wincing for different reasons this time than the last: what if she just -- acted her age, for once?
[5]
Will Adams: Because I refuse to stop melting my brain on Twitter, I log on daily and am continuously confronted with the fact that Melanie Martinez has many, many fans. Specifically, Stan Twitter, who regularly include her in prompt tweets like "WHICH POP GIRL IS TAKING IT IN 2023" or "YOU HAVE $15. WHAT ARE YOU BUYING" alongside everyone from Lana and Taylor to Charli and Carly. Having only ever heard approximately 1.5 songs of hers, my reaction is always, "is she really that special?" Listening to "Evil," I hear the appeal: "Kill Bill" cuteness over scuzzy indie pop. I still don't hear the special.
[3]
Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: An innovative, path-breaking exercise at the intersection of Yeule and Disney Channel Original Movie Soundtracks.
[5]
Katherine St Asaph: This is such a crowded genre, there's no reason to listen to songs this plodding by people this shitty.
[1]
Joshua Minsoo Kim: The plinking piano doesn't set itself up against the rest of the instrumentation to provide the necessary contrast: her knowing devilishness just comes off poorly rehearsed. The schoolyard chant of a chorus doesn't help.
[4]
Micha Cavaseno: Me, the late Prodigy, and Melanie Martinez all have at one point hailed from the greater Hempstead/Queens area and similarly have a miserable personality. Now, while I am not shooting up Demerol in order to function, nor have I had any issues with sexual assault allegations (P and M, respectively, for those who don't know), I too suffer from a sort of paranoia and gothic mistrust around the world around me; gothic in the general instability and unreliable nature... and y'know, overbearing maudlin evil spooky shit. Which is why I have always had time for how "cringe" Martinez's music has read for people with her kinderwhore one-trick pony provocations. I don't mind the Hot Topic narcissism and edgelord tendencies because at the end of the day, it's a reminder of how easy it is to believe in truth as victimhood. "See the horns on my head they're from goddesses; On God." is easily my favorite non-rap lyric this year to overanalyze because it's a perfect synthesis of New York ethnic AAVE blended in with faux-feminist self-appointed martyrdom in an alt-rock style. The witches you could not burn wearing fishnets and Timbs, but without any of the seams from such a wave of clichés showing. But whereas Prodigy's foes were the great peril of fake MCs and/or fake thugs, Martinez's foe are her own fans. She already demonstrated her obsession with this on the APPALLINGLY BAD K-12 record, one of the worst artistic expressions about "cancel culture" you could ever ask for and a distasteful response to accountability. "Evil" (and most of Portals) is better for avoiding jeering in favor of defiance, yet it still makes me incredibly sad that all Martinez wants to do (like so many people in the world) is see snakes and betrayal, and those who would tear her down and live life in hopeless nihilistic rebellion in any direction. I remember craving that sense of power to mask for my own senses of guilt and cowardice, and how worthless that feels after you've had to live on it for so long that it's all that defines you. Maybe there isn't a world without armor and thorns, but I wish to God I knew people dreamed about it anymore. It made being unable to believe feel less painful.
[7]
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Aaron Hotchner: Found Out
Imagine your boyfriend(Aaron Hotchner) realizes you're the unsub:
-Lil warning: includes descriptions of blood/gore, also a little hint of past domestic abuse, PTSD, murder, hint of child abuse/molestation(barely even there)-
My life wasn't always this complicated, I would find my target, learn their schedule, and then attack. I didn't kill innocent people, only scumbags like pedophiles, rapists, and abusers who got off easy or didn't get prosecuted at all; I had easy access as I worked as a courtroom reporter.
Sadly, this simple life couldn't last.
———————
Everything changed when I met a certain prosecutor, he had short black hair and a serious expression on his face, one which I immediately found attractive. We were never on the same case, only seeing each other in passing. I only really got to know him when we bumped into each other during a coffee break and finally started talking. He had invited me to go out for lunch later that day, and we scheduled another meeting from there.
We quickly started dating, I supported him and his rampant schedule as mine was equally rampant, and my support never faltered when he took on the daunting task of joining the FBI. I had held off on killing when I started dating Aaron, but I really only held off for four months.
I was honestly surprised when no connection or larger investigation was ever created, I think I have made it quite obvious that these crimes were done by the same killer. I had actually studied criminology in university, but I had a certain interest in serial killers that dated all the way back to childhood. I loved the idea of having a signature to distinguish yourself by, to have a certain way that you kill.
My preferred way was to poison them, unnecessary violence is something I don't indulge in unless they truly deserve it. Certain crimes such as rape/sodomy, and crimes against children or the elderly usually make me feel the need to be malicious and cruel; I always torture pedophiles though, there is absolutely nothing good or redeeming about them. The way I would kill them is through slow torture, possibly cutting off their fingers or toes, sometimes even removing every single tooth in their mouth before I allow them to die.
After their deaths, I drain their blood, usually into a bucket, then I will take an amount into a cup and move to a wall, usually the one nearest to them. I take down any pictures and move away anything cluttering the space before I start. This part is always my favorite, making beautiful artwork out of their filthy, dirtied blood. I make my art take up the whole wall, usually drawing a vicious beast, such as a dragon, or possibly a snarling dog, but sometimes I draw beautiful things, such as a landscape or a galloping horse. I try not to draw beautiful things, but I can't stop it when the brush speaks.
This process naturally takes a lot of time. I used to not have to worry, but now I have to make sure I spend enough of my personal time with Aaron that I don't seem distant or suspicious. The last thing I want is for him to think I'm cheating or that I don't love him.
Today... Was an off day. I had spent the last week on surveillance of this man, Kade Wilkins, he was a child predator who was arrested for lewd and lascivious acts with a child under the age of 14. I was in the courtroom during his case and had to hear all the gruesome details, the kid even went up to testify. Sadly, this man somehow landed a phenomenal lawyer who got him off with only having to register as a sex offender and five years community service.
I was immensely enraged, the kid actually walked up to me afterwards and asked what happened because no one else would tell him the truth. I had to explain that the man who had been molesting and abusing him for a year was just set free with practically no punishment.
Kade Wilkins was disgusting, he would walk over to the elementary schools and watch them during recess, then he would just wander around aimlessly, usually near parks before stopping at a liquor store to buy beer and ask if someone would let him borrow a cigarette. Today, I was gonna be that person.
He had walked into the store as per usual, I waited outside, pulling the laced cigarette pack out of my purse as planned, but all he did was walk right past, paying no attention to the expensive cigarettes being held in my hand. I let out an aggravated sigh after he was out of hearing range, I guess I will have to do this the hard way.
I wait until night falls, he already lives in a shady neighborhood, the last thing I want is for one of his neighbors to see my face. I quickly scale the tattered wood fence, landing quietly in the dying grass of his backyard. Walking over to the back door I quickly slide it open, this idiot never locks his doors. I hear the shower running, meaning he's probably in his room already, so I will just have to wait because I do not want to see this creep in the shower.
Looking around his home I immediately feel filthy, there's trash on the tables from weeks of takeout, and dirty laundry is littered on the floor, empty beer cans scattered on the tattered smelly couch. Dirty dishes are stacked sky high along the sink, and the fridge reeks of old food and cheap alcohol. I avert my eyes to look at the watch on my left wrist, the time was 1950(7:50pm), Aaron and I had a dinner reservation at 2200(10:00pm), so I will have to sadly make his death quick.
I must've been in my mind longer than I thought, because the next thing I know I feel arms wrapped around my neck, I did not come here looking for a fight so I am unhappily caught off guard. I fight back, stomping my boots on his sock covered toes, throwing my head back into his nose. Kade backs up, now sporting a nose bleed with a crooked smile. My arms are up defensively, he always made me uneasy, even from afar, but now I felt straight up disgusted and sick. Wanting to end this quickly I snatch my mace from my belt and spray his face excessively.
He lets out shouts of agony, but I quickly silence him with a pistol-whip to the face. He seems knocked out, so I quickly get to work draining his blood. I usually do this by hanging them up by their arms and just cutting off their feet, letting gravity do the rest for me. This isn't exact or professional, but I don't care, I just want enough blood to paint with.
Normally this process can take up to 20 minutes, but I usually just take blood as it drains. I've also found that blood consistency really matters, use thinner blood for an outline, and thicker when you want more distinguishing features, warming the blood will make it a runnier consistency.
With Kade I had him hanging from some hooks on his ceiling (presumably for a bike), I was already wearing protective gear, the last thing I want is to contract some sort of disease from this sicko. Normally when I cut off their feet they remain unconscious, but today was simply not my day. Not only did he regain consciousness, he also tried to fight back, I really didn't want to endure this so I slid my knife from its sheath and stabbed it through his neck into his oral cavity.
The look in his eyes was fearful and pleading, but that only made me grin knowing that I made this predator feel nothing but fear in his last moments. When he is finally dead I pull out a small purple stone from my pocket and delicately place it on top of his head. Call me crazy, but Amethyst is a healing stone, and in some weird way I hope it heals his broken mind in whatever afterlife he is in.
I quickly get to work with painting, his old yellow wallpaper isn't ideal, but I make it work. Today felt different, it felt like his blood didn't want to be paint, but ink, used for writing instead of drawing, and I am not one to go against what the brush wants.
I begin writing, in dripping cursive as well as sharp print. Some words were light whilst others were carved, the blood against the wall reminding me of the orange sunsets against the cold, blue ocean. It was a while before I stepped back to admire my work, and it was only then I realized that the words were things he had said, things people had said when defending him, but the real thing that stood out was directly in the middle of the wall. It was something that the boy had said to me, and just looking at it written in this man's blood gave me a high that I knew should disgust me.
It said "Why is he free?" Nothing else could sum up how I felt during the court's decision, and knowing that I had taken away his freedom for eternity made me smile with glee.
I immediately began cleaning up, finally glancing at the clock to see it was already 2130(9:30pm), which gave me only 30 minutes to get home and get ready before meeting Aaron for dinner. My heart felt like it was throbbing within my chest, I had made up an excuse of working late today even though Aaron only gets a few days off, at some level I am glad I rid the world of the POS known as Kade Wilkins, but on another I am disgusted that I would rather kill this man than spend time with the one who loves me.
I shove away those thoughts, almost leaving before quickly turning around and approaching the wall, I completely forgot to sign it seeing as this wasn't a drawing. Too lazy to get a brush and start painting again with blood I simply pulled a pen from my purse and signed it before turning off the lights and heading back to my car.
———————
I arrive home in 10 minutes, thankfully(or unluckily?) Kade lived only a short drive away from our shared house. I rush in, tossing my purse on the table as I lock the front door, immediately setting off upstairs and stripping myself of my clothes, tossing them into the washer before hopping into the shower, the last thing I need is for Aaron to see blood on my clothes.
As I get dressed I feel arms wrap around my waist softly, I tense up rigidly before smelling Aaron's cologne and feeling at ease again. He had already felt me tense up though, releasing my waist as he walked in front of me.
"What's wrong?" He asks in his calm tone, I can't help but avoid his eyes, still looking away even when he lifts my face up to look at him. He releases a quiet sigh, I finally shift my eyes to him, taking in his fitting black suit and his soft looking hair. I can't help but reach my hand out to run my fingers through it, him closing his eyes and leaning into my touch as he releases my chin.
"Where's Jackie boy gone?" I question, nonchalantly trying to change the topic of conversation, I don't know if he noticed that or not.
"I dropped him off at Jessica's, she said she wouldn't mind watching him for the night." He speaks, his voice deeper than it was a few moments ago, I can't help the smile that crosses my face as he grabs my hand from his hair, placing a gentle kiss upon it as he looks into my eyes.
"We should get going if we want to make our reservation, last time they almost gave our table away." I state a laugh bubbling in my throat as Aaron chuckles, nodding his head at the memory of me quickly running to our table and telling the waiter off for trying to sit another couple there.
We quickly walked out of our house, Aaron opening the door for me before getting in and driving off. The ride there is quiet and comfortable, the hum of music playing throughout the car with our voices occasionally joining the tune. We are a little late when we finally arrive, but to be honest, 10 minutes is early for us when it comes to dinner reservations. The restaurant is fancier than I remember. I glance down at my plain black dress and feel slightly uncomfortable, Aaron seems to sense this because as soon as we sit down he reaches out and grasps my hand.
"Honey, what is it?"
"I just feel really under-dressed. You fit right in with your handsome self in a suit, but I'm just in a bland black dress." I quickly respond, feeling my cheeks warm up as I realize how I complimented him during my self-deprecating response. His cheeks are now dusted with a faint sheen of pink, and even though he is slightly flustered, I only pay attention to the warm look in his gaze.
"I'll have you know, that 'bland black dress' is possibly my favorite dress, and you look incredibly gorgeous whenever you wear it." His response causes me to be even more flustered, my eyes dropping to the ground at his compliments. He lets out a quiet string of laughs at my flustered state, squeezing my hand in comfort before sliding my menu over to me.
The rest of the night went quite similar, him making me flustered and myself complimenting him unintentionally, the night felt carefree and I found myself paying no mind to how I brutally murdered a pedophile not even 3 hours ago. The only time it even barely crossed my mind was when Aaron asked how my day was, but I quickly made up an excuse that satisfied his curiosity.
When we finally got home it was nearing 2350(11:50pm), I was much too tired to do anything other than change into a loose shirt before getting in bed, Aaron quickly checked the windows and doors of the house before changing and getting in bed as well. We shared a few slow, lingering kisses before snuggling into each other to fall asleep.
———————
When I woke up, Aaron was already trying to slide out of bed without waking me up, but I quickly grabbed his arm and pulled him back under the covers, releasing a groan of disapproval that he was trying to leave. We lay like that for a few more minutes before he tries to leave again, which results in me hugging his arm and entangling my legs with his to stop his escape.
I hear him huff in amusement at my antics, the next thing I know he's kissing along my neck, something that I definitely do not attempt to deny. Slowly his kisses move to my clavicle, his arms grasping me and turning me onto my back as he hovers over me, his kisses moving back to my neck before meeting my lips. This kiss is full of love, reminding me of all the reasons that I love this man, causing me to smile slightly.
As he pulls away I finally open my eyes, greeting his dark ones with warmth. I must look so sleepy right now because a grin etches upon his face before he kisses me once more. This kiss is more passionate and leaves me in a daze, which he takes advantage of and slides out of bed. I whine slightly as his warmth leaves me, pulling more covers over for me to snuggle into.
"Honey, you know I have work, I'll try and be back at a reasonable hour, and Jessica will be dropping Jack off after school." He speaks softly as he starts buttoning up his shirt. I gaze at him and smile, he always looks so handsome in the crisp morning air with the pale sunrise shining through the window.
"I know Aar, I just miss you." I smile constantly, something he quickly returns before he starts searching for a tie to wear, holding out a purple or a blue one for me to choose from, I obviously choose the purple one. He grins at my cheekiness as I swat the blue one away and hand him the purple one, he says a 'thank you' before giving me a peck and then returning to getting dressed.
I must've dozed off because I felt Aaron kissing my forehead goodbye. I try to open my eyes, but can only manage a mumbled 'goodbye' before falling back into dreamland.
———————
As I get up, I start a cup of coffee up and walk to the washroom, my stomach turns uncomfortably as I realize that my dirty clothes from last night have just been sitting in the washer, not getting washed. I look through them, not seeing anything missing, and immediately turn on the washing machine, letting out a breath as I head back to the kitchen. I add some half-and-half and some sugar before throwing on some pants and sitting on the porch. Call me country, but I like to sit out on the porch in the morning to drink coffee and read.
I wave and say 'good morning' to neighbors as they head out for work, everyone around the neighborhood is at least my acquaintance.
I head back inside after finishing my coffee, glancing at the clock to see it is 09:00am, I have to be at work at 10:00am. I quickly set about getting dressed, throwing on a dark gray blouse with some black dress pants, lacing up my work shoes and grabbing my purse as I head out the door. Hopping into my old little car I begin the drive to work, turning on the radio and tuning into the 70s station.
———————
Aaron Hotchner's POV:
This morning had been great, y/n was always incredibly cute, but even today she seemed to be surpassing her normal standard. I always try to sneak out of bed because I don't want to annoy her, but I've found that her waking up leads to a very enjoyable morning, and it always makes me feel better about going to work.
Everything was going great until I went into the washroom, y/n already had some clothes but they weren't washed yet, I pulled some out to see what settings I should set the machine to, but my mind quickly went blank when I saw splatters of red on her jeans. Y/n loves to paint, but she has specific clothes to paint in, and she would never wear her favorite pair of jeans.
This paint also looks weird, like really thin, almost like it was watercolor, but it seems to be flaking, and y/n only buys quality paint and absolutely detests watercolor. All of this is making me feel uncomfortable, in any other circumstance I would immediately think this was blood, but y/n couldn't hurt anyone, she wouldn't even hurt a fly. The thing that finally makes me ask questions is when I notice the strong smell of iron, something that I've smelled many times before when walking into a crime scene.
I feel uncomfortable, grabbing the over-shirt from the clump of clothes, placing it in a Ziploc bag before heading over to work. I don't know why my stomach was in twists, she probably just cut her finger or something.
———————
Arriving at work I quickly stuff the clothing into my bag, the team doesn't even know I have a girlfriend, the last thing I want is for them to think she is a murderer. I rub my temples as I await the elevator's arrival, luckily it is empty, I really don't feel like being profiled right now.
I quickly neutralize my expression when I reach my floor, striding out of the elevator and through the glass doors, barely sparing any glances to my team. I just want to smooth this whole thing out already, I need to get this clothing tested so that I can feel at ease.
I sit at my desk for a few minutes, mulling over files that still need to be finished, but I immediately stand up, making my way out of my office and through the bullpen, JJ walks by and stops me.
"Sir, we have a case."
"Okay, start without me, I'll join you in a few minutes." I don't give her time to respond, I just begin walking away and to the elevator.
———————
I have just dropped off the clothes, making sure they knew this was incredibly under-wraps and not to be spoken of unless it is directly to me. I think they were kind of scared, but that is the least of my worries.
Walking back into the conference room everyone immediately looks to me, JJ pausing as I take my seat, nodding for her to continue. She does, everyone slowly giving her their attention again, I can tell they want an explanation or an excuse, but I really just want to get past this day.
I glanced at the screen, seeing several gruesome murders, most were men, and they all looked like sleazes. JJ finishes up her presentation, and after a quick chat I decide that this case needs our attention.
"Wheels up in 20."
———————
"What do we know about victimology?" I question, the team quickly starts chattering away.
"Every victim seems to be some sort of criminal, most of them are pedophiles, but there are also some rapists as well as abusers." Reid spouts as he leans back in his chair.
"Alright, so we have a mission-oriented killer, someone who is cleaning up the world, and he is organized and in control." Morgan states. I nod, looking down at the files on my device.
"Why do you say he's organized? These scenes look manic to me." JJ questions
"I actually believe the houses already looked like that, these people were low lifes, they were trashy and disorganized, not to mention criminals. I don't think our unsub did any of that to the house. Also, look at each scene, they are all hanging somehow, they have their feet cut off, and each scene has a painting. These crimes look planned, they were carefully organized and each decision was planned out." Prentiss responds, zooming in to show JJ small details that support her, everyone nodding their heads in agreement.
"This killer also seems to want power and control, look at the way these men are restricted and hanging, he even cut off their feet to possibly stop them from running." I voice, shuffling through the images. Everyone continues bouncing ideas and theories off each other.
"What's with the stone on top of their heads?" Prentiss questions, zooming in on each crime scene photo to show a purple rock of some kind placed on their heads. Everyone looks interested, it would seem we all missed that detail.
"That is actually a crystal, commonly known as an amethyst, but is also known as amethystus in Latin writings. It is considered a powerful and protective crystal, in spiritual religions they claim it opens up a person's third eye and is considered a source of power and wisdom. It is said to have healing properties, such as relieving stress, dispelling anger, and dissolving negativity. People claim it activates spiritual awareness, opens intuitions, and heightens psychic abilities." Reid rambles, looking slightly interested, but also slightly confused, squinting his eyes as he mulls over his explanation and tries to connect it to the crimes.
"Why do you think he is putting an amethyst on each of them? It is obviously deliberate. What is he trying to do?" Rossi asks, that question stumped us for a few moments.
"Lots of people believe that pedophiles have broken minds, this is due to the fact that pedophilia isn't something you can cure, many people believe death is the only thing you can do to protect others." Reid responds.
"Are you saying that our unsub is trying to heal them?" Morgan questions. We all glance at each other.
"Possibly, but I'm not completely sure since people think an amethyst crystal can do so many things. This could be a form of remorse or it could be a way of asking forgiveness for themselves since they killed them." Reid responds again, seeming to only be forming more questions with each answer he reaches.
"How long until we arrive?" Prentiss questions after we had settled down.
"Not long for some of us, I'm sending Derek and Rossi to Ohio, it was where the first 4 victims were murdered. You, Reid, JJ and I will be heading to the 6 more recent crime scenes, which are here in Virginia, we only have another 10 minutes, you guys have about an hour." I say, seeing people nod their heads at the plan.
I feel myself beginning to doze off. I didn't get to sleep a lot, having gotten home around 11:30 and having to wake up around 5:00. Usually I try to stay awake, but today has already been so stressful I allow myself the few moments of rest I have before we have to land.
———————
Y/N's POV:
Today in the courtroom I had to endure a murder trial, sometimes I really hate my life.
A man had killed his wife, and was claiming that she abused him, but he has no evidence to support his claims. Apparently his wife was trying to leave him and take their kids, she wanted to live separately whilst they were finalizing their divorce. He stated that she said she was 'never going to let him see his kids again' and that 'her boyfriend will be a better father than he ever was', and all he could remember from there was seeing red.
I hate these days, lots of people claimed crimes of passion, and though it didn't mean no punishment, it was always a lighter sentence. The person always throws in that their spouse was cheating or abusive.
The moment I arrived home I went to work researching the woman and man, Irene and Arnold Daniels. She had social media, which she rarely used. I quickly hacked my way into her account, though she barely posted anything, she seems to have messaged a few people quite a lot. Mainly two friends, Sheryl Walters and Tanner Singer. I start my programs and it begins scanning through all of her messages, immediately showing the results I wanted.
"He keeps hitting me, and threatening to leave with his girlfriend.." That message alone stopped me in my tracks, I should've known Arnold would be the cheating one. I scan through the message, searching for a name when I find one, a 'Rachel Moors'. Irene goes into detail about how Arnold has been dating Rachel on the side for about a year now, and how that was when he started hitting her and yelling at their children.
I stop myself from continuing, I have all the evidence I need now to know that Arnold Daniels murdered his wife, anymore looking and I would feel gross because I'm snooping through a dead woman's private messages. I quickly exit and shut down my computer,feeling relieved that I can do this without worrying about Aaron seeing.
Don't get me wrong, I would die for Aaron, and I love him to death, but having my own space is nice every once and awhile. I gave up a lot when I started dating him. I was planning on killing at least once a week, which I had been achieving, but that had to slow down because I now need to be careful in my own home.
Back in Ohio I had started on accident, the first kill was done impulsively and in a complete rage, I didn't paint with their blood, instead I grabbed a pen and a piece of paper and started drawing, it was something I did when I felt nervous or uncomfortable. Next thing I know I'm killing again, but this time I planned it, and experimented with using their blood to draw.
The third murder was when I had really created my style, I would knock them unconscious, hang them up, and then kill them by draining their blood, using it to paint on their walls. The 4th murder was the cleanest, the man, Gray Daws, was a man with multiple petty crimes, but he was currently being tried for the rapes of 3 women. Each woman refused to go into the box, so with little evidence and no one talking, he was released.
I was about to move to Virginia, and I wasn't planning on killing again, but this case just stuck with me. I spent about a week stalking him, he frequented night clubs and bars, and picked up a prostitute at least once every day. I learned his schedule and dressed to his preference, wanting to know how he talked to these girls.
It was a lively night, I think some game was on and a carnival was being held just down the road, the streets full of people. I was leaning over the bar, slowly sipping a cold coke when a drink was placed in front of me, not by a bartender, but by Gray Daws himself. I obviously didn't drink it, it was bubbling with something that reminded me of when my friend placed a capsule of ecstasy into her water. I simply looked at him and smiled.
He was dressed in a suit that screamed expensive, but looking closely I could see it was a knock off meant to fool me. Glancing to his wrist I saw a fake Rolex, I acted impressed though, raking my eyes over his sleazy figure. His hair was black but was graying on the sides, and it looked oily, slicked back with some of it falling to the side. His face was clean but it just looked dirty, the stubble on his jaw repulsing me.
Heslid the glass closer to me, placing his other hand on my lower back. I wanted to smack his hand away and pour the drink down his shirt, but I held back, instead mustering up an attractive smile that seemed to work.
"What are you doing here all alone, doll face?" The nickname alone made me want to growl, but instead I took one of my hands and grabbed the offered drink, swirling it around in the glass.
"I could ask you the same, a handsome man like you surely can't be single." I state, placing my hand on his chest to push him back slightly, both to play hard to get as well as to feel less repulsed. He pays no mind and lowers his hand even further, making me shift in my seat
"How would you like to get to know me in private then, I know a place." He continues, his voice lowering as he pushes into my personal space. He tries to grab my wrist, but I quickly twirl my seat around and glide out of it quickly; I don't really feel like letting a rapist touch me.
That night I left my home at around 2300(11:00) since Daws goes to sleep around 2400(12:00). I snuck into his house and tied him down, pouring the drink he gave me down his throat. He woke up immediately, choking as he swallowed the liquid. He tried to get up, but I could already see the drug working, for him I wanted him to be awake. I went to his kitchen, pulling out a big knife from a drawer before returning back to his room. He tried to resist even pleading for me to stop, but I couldn't and I wouldn't.
———————
Aaron Hotchner's POV:
We arrived at the local PD, Prentiss and Reid quickly heading to the room after greeting Detective Calder. JJ waits with me as I talk with him.
"Detective, what have you and your team come up with so far?" I question as we walk to the setup room.
"So far we see no sexual element at all, he leaves no evidence and each murder seems to be getting more and more organized." He states in frustration, something I can understand, I can't believe they are only just now calling us in.
"I'm going to send a member of my team to look at some of the crime scenes, would you please have an officer escort her." I ask, but it's more of a statement. I need to get to the bottom of this case quickly, an organized killer that just gets more organized is not exactly great. I'm about to send Prentiss when an officer from the other room shouts over to us.
"There's been another murder!" We have to drive practically back to Quantico, but I don't mind, it gives me some time to go over the case; I'm about to turn on some music when my phone rings. I answered calmly.
"Hotchner."
"Yes, sir, this is about the forensics you requested."
"Yes, what is it?"
"Sir, we can confirm these are blood spatters." My heart speeds up in trepidation at all the thoughts crossing my mind.
"Save all information on it and hold it, it might come in handy with this case." I respond, barely letting the person respond before ending the call. I'm frustrated and scared, the fact that my sweet girlfriend might be a murderer makes me grip the steering wheel a bit tighter.
"Hotch, who was that?" Emily questions, looking over at me, though I refuse to look at her, I know she'll see the uncertainty and fear in my eyes.
"It was no one." I respond shortly, my voice quiet.
"You said it might help our case, why won't you tell me what it is?" She asks. Sometimes I hate her for being so nosy, but I know that she should be made aware.
"Prentiss, I have a girlfriend."
"....Okay." She responds, clearly confused.
"This morning... Just before I left, I found some of her clothes from last night, and it looked like they had blood on them. I sent them to the lab and it was confirmed it was blood."
"Hotch, I think you might be jumping to conclusion, there's a lot of reasons there could be blood on her shirt."
"I know I know, I shouldn't be so nervous and suspicious, but I just can't help it."
The rest of the ride is silent until we arrive at the house. It is surrounded by police, neighbors crowding around and having to be held back by the police. Thankfully the news hasn't caught wind of these cases yet, when they did it would only feed the killers need for control, it might make him speed up his schedule.
———————
Entering the house I am greeted with the strong scent of iron, one that sadly reminds me of Y/n's clothes that reeked of the same scent. Looking around I immediately see things that are different about this crime scene. For one, it looks like there was a struggle, and the victim is a lot more beat up than the others.
"Are we sure this is the same killer, this was done sooner than their schedule, and it looks like he actually fought this victim." Prentiss voices, walking around the crime scene before settling near the dead man.
I look around, slightly confused at the change in MO, but I think it is still the same killer, I am only supported when I glance into the other room. It makes me even more confused, I have so many questions forming
"I think it's the same killer."
"Why?" Prentiss questions, walking towards me before poking her head around me to see what I'm looking at. Her jaw drops open, the wall is covered in dried blood, but instead of a drawing we find writing. It covers the whole surface and looks like the ramblings of a mad man, the message in the middle being the most prominent.
"Why is he free?" I read, my voice full of confusion. Prentiss is about to respond when my phone goes off.
"Hotchner."
"Office of Supreme Genius coming at you with some knowledge." Garcia responds, I want to smirk at her playful responses, but this case makes me want to frown.
"What have you found so far?"
"Nothing good, sadly. A lot of these people are obviously sickos, but it seems they are all sickos that get off with little to no punishments. The man you are visiting right now molested and abused a young boy for a year, and he only has to register as a sex offender and do community service.
The others include people such as a Gray Daws, who was accused of raping three women, all of which refused to testify and the case fell through. There are others, but they are all similar in that the person obviously did horrible things, and they either got a light punishment or no punishment at all." Garcia finishes.
"Are there any similarities in where each case was held? Are any names repeated in any of the trials or investigations?" I quickly responded, wanting to know if anyone was present during all of these trials.
"That will take me a couple of minutes sir, I will call you back when I have results." Garcia quickly ends the phone call, and I slide my phone back into my pocket.
"You think we're looking for a guy in criminal justice?" Prentiss asks, and I simply nod before I turn around to face her.
"Look at this crime scene and tell me what you see."
"...I see a serious need for control, it seems like it is a requirement to instill fear in his victims. He never shots his victims even though he obviously carries, preferring to use knives as well as preferring to torture his victims beforehand, but this victim was killed rather suddenly for some reason." She responds slowly and confidently, glancing around the house before focusing on the dead man.
"Good, now tell me what is missing." She takes a moment to think about my question before looking around.
"There is no sexual element, and no humiliation, the victims are left clothed, and the unsub for some reason seems to be exhibiting remorse. He doesn't fit into the standard profile perimeters." I listen closely to what she says, and almost feel a smirk slide upon my face.
"I think I know what we're missing about our unsub." I state, feeling Prentiss stare at me in confusion.
"What about him would explain this." She questions exasperatedly.
"For one, I don't think this is a he."
———————
I get a call from Dave, he explains the first few crime scenes and victims.
The very first was a man named Cain Smith, he was a young man who was a lawyer and known to be incredibly obnoxious, he was also said to be quite misogynistic. It was messy and impulsive, and there was practically no resemblance to our current killer apart from a drawing and signature left on a piece of paper.
The second murder was getting more organized, she was starting to experiment with blood, the third murder had her painting on the walls and hanging the men up, and the last murder was similar, but more vengeful than the others, it actually reminded me a lot about the first murder.
"Dave, I think our unsub is a female."
"Well... that makes more sense, especially when it comes to the lack of sexual gratification."
"Yah, but look at the other clues as well. She uses an amethyst, something many believe to be a healing crystal, most guys don't really buy into that sort of stuff. Also, look at the crimes these people are committing, rape, spousal abuse, molestation, these are all things that women will pay the most attention too, sure, battery and robbery are bad, but these crimes tend to really catch a girls attention."
"I think you might be on to something Aaron-" Dave was cut off as an incoming call interrupted him.
"Hold on, Garcia is joining our call." I state, quickly accepting.
"Hello sirs. So Hotch I did that research you asked and it turns out every case was held in the same place, well, the cases in Ohio were held in the same courthouse, and the cases in Virginia were held in the same courthouse."
"That's great Garcia, did you find any names in common?"I asked, hoping that I wouldn't be arresting my girlfriend anytime soon.
"Only one, the courtroom reporter is the same in each of these cases, her name is Y/n L/n, and she was living in Ohio before going off the grid. There is no paper trail, but we can assume she moved to Virginia since this is where the murders have picked up. I can send her old address over, but it seems like the house was demolished."
"Anything of interest on her?" Dave questions, but I can barely pay attention to the conversation. The only person in common with every murder is my girlfriend, the sweetest and kindest person I know. I trust her with everything, I trust her with Jack, how on earth could she be capable of murdering all these people?
"Sir, SIR!" I quickly snap back to reality.
"Sorry, my phone cut out, what did you say Garcia?" I quickly say, not wanting to be questioned on why I was so quiet.
"Well, sir, she basically has no criminal record at all, she actually won quite a few awards back in her hometown, and you guessed it, they were for art. Her drawings are actually pretty cool, like I would totally buy a book of her art... Sorry I'm getting off topic.
She was academically above average, and had quite the talent with computers. She got a lot of job offers when graduating high school but decided to go to university, which landed her even more job offers. She could've gone pretty much anywhere, but decided on being a courtroom reporter. I called some of her contacts, they say that she stays in contact with them but that they don't know where she is, they also only have good things to say.
Many people all say she is really kind, that she was the one to protect kids from getting bullied, she was the emotional support person for everyone, and she also apparently had a stubborn streak, she got into a few fights during high school, none of which she initiated, but all of which she most definitely finished." Garcia states.
I feel like I've been listening to the exact description of Y/n, and I can't help but want to run to her and cry over what is going on. I suck it up, I can't say anything, we're not even sure she is the murderer.
"That's great, thank you Garcia." She immediately ends her call and that leaves just me and Dave.
"Dave, I want you to go around to the courthouse she worked at, meet and talk to everyone who knew her, friends, family, colleagues, I don't care, I want to know everyone she has contacted and exactly what she's said." I state, I need to keep them busy, at least until I can talk to Y/n.
"Alright." I hung up the call and looked at Emily. I don't know how I can lie to her, she was here and probably saw my response to hearing my girlfriend being labeled as the suspect.
"Emily I--"
"No, go. I don't know what is going on, and I don't want to know what is going on. I'll come up with an excuse, you clearly have some things you need to sort out." She states, not allowing me the chance to respond before she leaves the house.
I need to get home, Y/n needs to explain exactly what the hell is going on.
Luckily Prentiss left with an officer back to the department, I quickly jumped in the car and drove to our home. Jack shouldn't be home for another hour, I think I'll just call Jessica again, hopefully she won't mind.
"Hey Jess."
"Hey Aaron, what do you need?" I release a sigh at her response, she doesn't sound annoyed, just like she expected this call.
"I'm really sorry, but Y/n and I really need to have a serious talk and I don't want Jack to be home when it happens."
"Alright, but I thought you were working a case?" Jess replies in a confused voice.
"This has to do with the case." I can practically sense her clenching the phone tighter in confusion and worry.
"Aaron, what's going on, is Y/n in danger?"
"I--I can't tell you, I'm sorry Jess." I can't tell Jess, I can't tell her that Y/n may be the unsub and that I am contemplating letting her escape.
"...Okay, just call me when I should drop Jack off at home. Y/n better be fine after all this, she's become like a sister to me and a mother to Jack, and it seems she has become everything to you." I feel my eyes water knowing that as soon as I get home I need to make a decision.
"Thank you Jess, I'll call you when you should drop off Jack." I hang up the phone, I'm in my neighborhood now, and I can see our house quickly approaching. Her little Lotus Sprint parked in the driveway, the lights in the house on. I swallow harshly as I park in our driveway, I've made my decision.
———————
Y/n's POV:
I'm getting things out of the cabinet to make for dinner. Jess should be dropping Jack off in about an hour, so that should give me enough time, I'll have to wait a little while until I can go after my latest target. My thoughts get cut off as I hear the front door being unlocked and pushed open, I grab a knife from the drawer before glancing around the kitchen corner and into the hallway.
I am pleasantly surprised to see Aaron home early, tossing the knife onto the counter as I walk up and hug him.
"You didn't tell me you were coming home early, I would've made dinner sooner." I say happily as I look up at him, but my smile quickly falters when I see the expression on his face. Mine turns into worry as I see the faintest sign of tears in his eyes. Not sure what caused this, I immediately think he had a really tough case.
"What is it Aar, was it a tough case?" I ask, holding both of his arms, but he backs up away from my embrace. I'm really confused now, I don't know what to do, he's never been like this, even after some really tough cases.
"Why did you do it?" He finally asks, his voice gruff with emotion
"..." I don't know how to respond, I don't even know what he's asking.
"WHY DID YOU DO IT!" He shouts, I feel myself jump in surprise and fear, I hate being yelled at, especially after my first relationship.
"What are you talking about?" My voice is quiet, I'm scared, but I try not to be, Aaron would never hurt me. I back up subconsciously, but he reaches out and grabs my wrists tightly, yanking me forward. I stumble and nearly fall, but he drags me up and back onto my feet.
Tears are clouding my vision, does he think I cheated on him, did I do something wrong? I'm so confused, and the way he's treating me is giving me some serious flashbacks.
"Why did you kill all those people?" His tone is calm, almost deceivingly calm, I keep my head turned away and my eyes to the ground, my stomach drops as I hear those words. My body is now cowering away, the only way I know to respond is to shy away and that is kind of hard to do right now.
My hands are shaking, and my breathing is becoming excessively shallow. I feel like I'm gasping for air, but I can never get enough.
———————
Aaron Hotchner's POV:
She looked like she was trying to lower her body to the ground, like her body was trying to shrink into the background. I remember when I came into our house I was only sad and confused, but it suddenly turned into anger, rage at what she had done and how she could throw away the life she had with me.
I wasn't able to control it all, I had never hurt her before, and seeing her cowering form being held up only by my tight grip on her wrists snapped me out of my angry haze.
I almost let go of her, but she would've fallen straight to the ground, instead I loosen my hold on her wrists, and gently lower us both to the ground, from the looks of it she's hyperventilating. I gently let go of her wrists, which she quickly pulls into her, like she is trying to disappear, she lowers her torso over her bent legs, trying to back away from me.
"Y/n, I-I'm sorry." I was already broken over what she had done, the last thing I wanted to do was make her scared that I would hurt her. I try to reach out to her, but she just tries to back up even more. I don't know what else to do, I can't leave her here alone, but I don't know how to comfort her, hesitantly I slide my hand gently over the floor.
She lifts her face up to look at my hand, I catch a glimpse of her tear stained cheeks, her eyes are flooded with tears, and they hold a glint of fear when she looks at my hand.
———————
Y/n's POV:
I never expected to feel betrayed by Aaron, but then again, I guess I am the one who betrayed him. His hand looks so annoyingly welcoming, but I don't know anymore, my wrists still sting from where he grabbed them.
I slowly look up from his hand to meet his eyes, they hold regret and fear, they still maintain a warmth that never fails to make me feel loved.
Hesitantly, I place my shaking hand into his, feeling a sudden burst of fear that he'll hurt me again, but that thought is quickly forgotten when he gently squeezes my hand to comfort me. My breathing is still uneven, but this gesture is really helping calm me down.
I simply stare at our hands, this is probably the last semblance of normalcy I'll ever have, Aaron will have to turn me in, it's his job, and I would never ask him to let me escape, that could ruin his career. Thinking about the life I have here, more tears resurface, I try to hold in my cries, but the thought of leaving Aaron and Jack alone is physically and mentally tearing me apart.
"I-I'm sorry." Is all I can manage to say through my tears, I look away, feeling disgusted with myself. I try to pull away, but instead feel myself being pulled toward him; I don't struggle, I fully expect him to cuff me while he has the chance, but I am pleasantly met with a warm embrace, one that speaks a million words.
I am forgiven.
#aaron hotch fanfiction#aaron hotch x reader#aaron hotch hotchner#aaron hotchner fanfiction#aaron hotchner fluff#aaron hotchner imagine#aaron hotchner one shot#aaron hotchner x y/n#aaron hotchner x you#aaron hotch imagine#criminal minds#derek morgan#jennifer jareau#david rossi#penelope garcia#jj jareau#x reader#hotch x reader
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The Only Solution Was to Stand and Fight
This is just a sneak peek/rough draft of a one shot I'm currently working on. TW for violence, gore, fighting, swearing, injury
Basically: Izuku has fun beating people up
The sound of his backpack hitting the target with a wet squelch made some inexplicable feeling well up in the teenager. He was reminded of far too many beatdowns.
Later, when he'd reflect on the day, he'd say that he enjoyed being on the other side of the fight.
But in the moment, all he could see was his bully stuck in the sludge. The look of terror. He drank it up as he lunged, digging his hands into the unprotected eyeball. There was screaming.
Later, when he'd overhear the news coverage replaying on the TV, he'd hear himself screaming 'YOU SHOULDA KILLED ME WHEN YOU HAD THE CHANCE!' and see a manic grin that was all teeth. When he'd wash his hands he wouldn't wash the blood from under his nails, wearing it proudly like some sick trophy.
There wasn't anything else, just him and his target. Arms deep in the large organ and fighting like a pissed off honey badger. Part of him imagined it was Kacchan he was fighting, that it was Kacchan on the receiving end of his manic rage.
Maybe twenty seconds had passed and the teenager was covered in blood and viscera and sewer sludge, and he looked like he was having the time of his life. When suddenly he was yanked by the back of his shirt and a powerful punch sent green goop raining from the sky. All the while Izuku started screeching, clawing the air and thrashing around until he was deposited on the ground. He was practically foaming at the mouth.
He wasn't quite sure what happened afterwards, just that he had been coming down from his high to getting reamed out for being reckless by the pro heroes. He silently stands his ground, refusing to look away as he rises to the challenge and stares back at Death Arms. Perhaps it's that he's still covered in his carnage, but he sees the hero flinch for only a second. And that's all he needs, he's won. Quietly, so that only Death Arms will hear him, he asks.
"Mr. Death Arms, are you unnerved by a quirkless boy?" he puts on his best innocent face, which isn't hard with his big eyes and round freckled cheeks. The hero sputters rather loudly, but knows fully well that he can't respond or the media and paparazzi will eat him alive. Instead the hero turns away and leaves, meaning Izuku has the chance to scoop up his bag and leave.
-
Truth be told, Izuku Midoriya had always been rather violent when pushed. When he was younger he'd written about wanting to tear Kacchans limbs off. The years repressed emotions from being unable to fight back, being punished when he never did anything, having his dream ruthlessly targeted, the suicide baiting? They were always going to explode in a more… physical way at some point. He was always going to crack at some point.
It happens when Kacchan catches up to him on the way home, explosions popping in his palms as he screams 'DEKU' loud enough that dogs two neighborhoods over likely start barking. As Izuku turns, a fist is buried into his shirt and pulling him so that he's face to face with his childhood friend.
"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT SHITTY DEKU!? I DIDN'T NEED YOUR FUCKING HELP! I HAD IT HANDLED," Kacchan roars in fury. There's probably a universe where Izuku responds meekly, however the fourteen year old is riding on the power rush and thus is feeling pretty ballsy.
"Oh please, did you really think I did it for you Kacchan?" he asks, "I did it for me."
Izuku smirks as the blond falters. And then there's an explosion and he's on the ground and his ears are full of water, but he can distantly hear someone laughing. Kacchans mouth isn't moving, so it must be from himself.
Next thing he knows is he's throwing a punch and his fist cracks against his assailant, and by Kami his wrist and hand hurts, but it also feels good. For a moment he sees fear in those crimson eyes. It's delicious. It's enough, and they both know it.
Izuku has won.
The burns on his throat and jaw from that particular day scar over, and Izuku finds that he's proud of it. He wears his branding like a trophy.
-
Getting into fights off school property become commonplace for the teenager. Years of pent up aggression, and the newly discovered high he gets from winning, means that he doesn't just fight his classmates. He ends up fighting kids from neighboring school districts. The casual fights turn into him having a reputation, then a month or so in its small bets in alleyways, then it's entering the world of illegal fighting.
The rings Izuku frequents are all known for quirkless fighting only. Quirk use in a match leads to automatic forfeit, especially those with flashy quirks. Attention grabbing quirks mean a higher chance of the ring getting busted.
With his mom working so often it's rather easy for him to slink off after school. And as long as he makes it home before dinner she doesn't comment. Not because she doesn't care, she loves her son more than anything, but because her Izuku finally seems to be well and truly happy.
Inko Midoriya still worries about her boy, don't be mistaken. Her worry goes towards overstocked first aid kits that dwindle too quickly for her liking. Her worry shows as staring at the scar marking her sons throat over dinner. But the benefits of the fights don't escape her either. It's the way he's able to help move the furniture so that she can vacuum, or pick up her mattress so she can change the sheets. It's grabbing heavier things for her when they go grocery shopping.
She's also far from stupid. She knows that the money suddenly appearing on pay days isn't from her work, but she sees how relieved her son is when he convinces her to take one less shift.
Izuku doesn't go to school the next time she can take a shift off. Instead she spends the day teaching him to cook.
-
Three months after the sludge incident, Izuku finds himself running from the pro-heroes and police that raided the abandoned warehouse housing an illegal fight ring.
Lucky for him, he hasn't lasted this long playing fair. He fights dirty and uses an unorthodox fighting style, using his size, speed, and agility to his advantage. The warehouse district is familiar terrain for him, so he chooses the path that's going to make getting a straight shot incredibly difficult. Especially since he'd been coming out here regularly for the past couple months, and there were regulars that had been coming longer. There had never once been any pros patrolling the area to be any concern, much less the police who had more to deal with than a bunch of trespassers meeting up to throw hands.
He can hear someone in combat boots behind him, the sound of the soles hitting the ground is unmistakable. A bonus is the area is full of metal surfaces that give away any stealth attempts. From shipping containers to trucks to sheeting.
He narrowly avoids being wrapped up in a capture weapon as he slides across the pavement and under a cargo truck. His hands and legs were torn up as a result- last time he wears cargo shorts to a fight- but he hasn't been caught yet. But despite it all he can't help the excited laugh that escapes his mouth.
Izuku is back on his feet before the hero can climb the truck or run around, and he takes off like a bat outta hell. It's a similar high to the ones he gets from fights, and he cautions looking behind him to see if he's still being chased. When he doesn't see the person chasing him he finds himself sulking, he was hoping the encounter would last longer.
And then there's a noise behind him and before he can react he's being restrained. Suddenly all he can think about is being back under that underpass and he'll be damned if he doesn't go without a fight. He starts thrashing around so wildly that there's no way he isn't coming out of this bruised.
-
Aizawa Shouta wasn't expecting to be taking down an illegal fighting ring tonight, much less chasing after a teenager that had fucking booked it. For such a scrawny looking kid, he was fast. And agile. Not to mention a deceptively high pain tolerance.
He watched the kid scrape himself up to hell and back sliding under a truck and couldn't help the wince of sympathy.
#mha#mha deku#mha au#one shot#work in progress#writing#rough draft#midoriya izuku#shouta aizawa#bakugo katsuki#tw violence#tw injury#blood and gore#tw caps
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Okay okay thanks so much mimi TuT
so... i will have my birthday this week and i'm going to past 20... then it comes to mind that in the past 1 year i have not any achievement that really worth ..and also that looks like i let my parents down.
I even have set myself many targets. Doing good at my uni, and then having a clear path to work. But i felt i haven't achieved any of that. Those things makes me scared to go home this week because i know my mom gonna congrulate my birthday and that reminds me even more of my failure :(
So uh, mimi do you have any advice for this confused 20+1 adult-kid? ☹
(ah ha... This got long because I guess this is a topic that I had to learn so I actually had more than I thought I'd say. I did restrain myself, but it was still long, so there a read more break lol)
First of all, happy birthday!!! (Whenever it happened :D)
As for the rest of your ask, it's really common to not meet your targets! When we make plans, we often don't make realistic ones. Also, life happens and there's a lot we can't control. But I understand how discouraging it can be to not be able to accomplish what you want to do. If you want more practical advice on setting goals, I know there are a lot of books and articles out there to help you. Things like setting goals that are realistic, measurable, etc. (I'm personally not a goal setter myself because I get too discouraged lolll. So I can't really point you to specific resources, but maybe you can ask around or research it.)
Also, maybe think again if you really didn't accomplish anything. If you remember something you did, try writing it down. It's really easy to forget what we've actually done. And also check to make sure you're not feeling like this because you're comparing yourself to other people. :)
Another thing. You might have actually been lazy the past year and you're feeling the effects of that. 🤷♀️ I'm just being real because that happens to me too. However, I didn't get that impression from your ask. You ultimately know better than I do. But regardless of whether or not you've actually failed, your failures don't define who you are. :)
(So this is the part where I talk about my faith because that's just who I am lol.)
When I was younger, I placed a lot of pressure on myself to please my parents and to not disappoint them. That's where I put my self-worth. But when the things about God finally got through to me, it changed me. For example, the fact that Jesus loved me despite fully knowing all of my sins, weaknesses and failures changed how I viewed myself. He knows all the bad things I did that I don't even know myself, so I'm probably worse than I think I am lolll. But God, who is righteous, holy, and is totally justified to punish me for my sins, made a way for us to be reconciled because He loves me! (I feel like I'm rambling now but I guess I like talking about this when people are willing to hear it. 😅)
Basically, when I remember these things (and I often forget 🤦♀️), I'm not so focused on what I didn't accomplish anymore because God knows all of that and still loves me. And if God loves me despite all of that, what I think or what my parents think doesn't matter as much. It changes my perspective. :)
I also learned (and am continuing to learn) how to work hard and just leave the results to God, but I feel like that's getting into a slightly different topic. I might begin to ramble about my university years if I start now. lolll.
I hope that helped you in some way! I feel like I said a lot, so I hope you got at least something from all of that. And thank you for sending this ask because I need to take my own advice too. I'm in a different stages of life now but the same principles apply. :)
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This started out as a fairly simple celebratory life update and then turned into a big unwieldy post I’m putting under the cut in case you don’t want to see that kind of talk. Content warning for weight loss and body shaming.
tl;dr: I have started working out and eating better over the course of the last several months; I’m very happy with the effect this has had on me; contrary to the desired effect, being shamed for my weight and also shaming myself for my it made me not want to do that and actually made me feel worse (shocker, I know); the BMI can eat shit
The other day I discovered I now fit into regular large T-shirts fairly easily — about 18 months ago, a 2XL was very much a slim fit for me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m delighted about this, but there’s also something a little odd on my mind about it. While I have eaten healthier and, in the last month, started going to the gym regularly, I can’t help but observe this coincides with a time in my life where I don’t feel like I’ve needed to lose weight; rather, I’ve been more content than ever in the knowledge that being fat isn’t a sign of moral failure. The body is just a sack of meat which houses me; its shape and weight have no moral value, but its chemical processes plays a significant part in how I feel. Since I reckon I deserve to feel good, I reason it only makes sense for me to look after it to the best of my ability; this has included cooking for myself more often, keeping note of my three meals a day (while also allowing myself a snack where needed), eating more vegetables, drinking more water, trying to be more active where I can — things of that nature, which, in my own, distinctly non-universal experience, have led me to lose weight.
Part of this change is that I’ve been in much fewer situations over the past two years where I’ve been subject to “cute” remarks about my weight and body type; part of me suspects that, as I’ve gotten older, people have been less inclined to be all infantilising about it (though this is likely a stretch; I’m 6′6″, of a wide frame, and I have a beard, I just haven’t looked like the sort of person who gets seen like that in a while). But what weighs on my mind is that, beyond being obviously insidious in ways more eloquently pointed out elsewhere, there is something self-defeating about the way very select types of body are seen and talked about as “ideal” or “correct”; deviations from this norm are “wrong” and to be punished until the possesser of this body, sinner that they are, repents and conforms to how they should be — thin, and therefore good. I spent a lot of my teenage years hating my body (and by extension myself) for being fat, unathletic, and not as a man’s body should be; surprisingly, you don’t tend to want to care for a vessel you’ve been led to believe is fundamentally inadequate, and I decided just treating it like shit was punishment enough. (It’s also notable that I’ve since realised I feel more comfortable identifying as what I can best describe as “man, But Not Quite”; we’re still figuring this one out, check back later.)
Again, these experiences are solely my own, and I am happier with how I take care of myself these days; the resulting changes to my appearance are a side effect I happen to like, but ultimately secondary to being happier in my daily life. Still, it really is wild how normalised it is for people to just call attention to how fat strangers are, unsubtly implying that this is some great wrong, and then when asked to defend this they’ll call it a form of care that will spur their target to decide on the spot — as though it’s so easy, uncomplicated and desirable for everyone — to lose weight. Y’know, because not looking a certain way is apparently shameful to some guy who already hates you; that’s why you should change your lifestyle.
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Harry Anderson Egbert, Vrissy Maryam-Lalonde, Tavros Crocker, Vriska Serket, Reporter 1, Reporter 2, Reporter 3
Page 213-217
HARRY: ok, i think i'm as ready as i'm ever going to be.
HARRY: which isn't really saying very much.
HARRY: how about you guys.
VRISSY: Well, in simple terms, We're Fucked.
VRISSY: We still don't have a way out, and more and more Reporters are showing up every second.
VRISSY: And the moment we step outside, we're Targets for the Crocker Cops.
TAVROS: We must evade them at all costs,,,
TAVROS: They are,,, with some certainty,,, under orders to capture vrissy,,, and,,, also me,
TAVROS: And,,, i'm not sure whose punishment is likely to be worse,,,
HARRY: how are you holding up, tavros?
TAVROS: M, me,,,?
TAVROS: I'm,,,
TAVROS: I'm quite well,,, harry anderson,,, thank you for asking,,,
HARRY: ok...
TAVROS: However,,, i must admit,,, the thought of our impending pursuit,,, and potential capture,,, makes my blood run cold,,,
HARRY: yeah. the more i think about it, the more nervous i feel.
HARRY: i've had stage fright before, but this is ridiculous!
HARRY: haha...
HARRY: ...
TAVROS: ,,,
HARRY: ...
HARRY: look, tavros.
HARRY: in case we don't make it out of this,
HARRY: i just wanted to say,
HARRY: that
HARRY: i'm so--
VRISKA: Alright, are we done here?
HARRY: um.
VRISKA: Forget it.
VRISKA: I've been stuck in this room for what feels like a month and I'm at my fucking limit.
VRISKA: I'm outta here.
TAVROS: B, But,,,
HARRY: you can't just-
VRISSY: Vriska, we're Tr8pped!
VRISSY: How are we supposed to Le8ve?!
VRISKA: You guys are free to do whatever you want, 8ut I'm just going to use the front door.
VRISSY: *Excuse Me*????????
VRISKA: L8r 8itches.
HARRY: oh my god?
TAVROS: T, There she goes,,,
VRISSY: Vriska!
VRISSY: W8!
VRISSY: I'm coming too!!!!!!!!
HARRY: oh fucking christ.
REPORTER 1: ...join live from a neighbourhood in the Carapacian Kingdom, where the perpetrators have finally decided to show their faces...
REPORTER 2: ...are alleged to have killed the beloved salvational figure Gamzee Makara, may his boots jingle forever in paradise...
TAVROS: (T, this is awful,,,)
REPORTER 3: ...denounced by government sources as a band of violent rebellion extremists...
REPORTER 1: ...children of creators, themselves rebellion leaders...
REPORTER 2: ...outfits could at best be described as only moderately fashionable...
HARRY: (oh god oh god oh god)
REPORTER 3: ... Hey, excuse me?
REPORTER 3: Miss Terrorist?
REPORTER 3: Care to give a statement?
VRISSY: (No, don't....)
VRISKA: Thought you'd never ask, 8uddy.
VRISKA: You want a st8tment? Got one right here.
VRISKA: (Ahem.)
VRISKA: Hey!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: Hi, humans!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: What’s up!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: Get all your fucking news gru8s turned up to the max 8ecause I’m only going to say this once.
VRISKA: Do you want to know who I am?
VRISKA: My name is VRISKA SERKET, and I'm the cre8tor this world never knew it had.
VRISKA: I left my home behind and put a stop to the demon who 8urned two universes for fuel, all so that this plan8 could come into existence.
VRISKA: Without me, none of you would even 8e here.
VRISKA: Capiche????????
VRISKA: Now, you may have heard people saying a lot of things a8out us.
VRISKA: They want you to 8elieve that we are violent terrorists, who want to destroy your religion and your very way of life on this planet you call home!
VRISKA: So I just wanted to take a moment to clarify the situation.
VRISKA: *deep breath*
VRISKA: YOU FUCKING 8ET WE ARE!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: I've done and seen things that would make every single one of you piss yourselves dead, so I've seen enough to know that this planet is a FUCKING DISGRACE!
VRISKA: It's a joke!
VRISKA: AND NOT EVEN A VERY GOOD ONE!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: This planet is a sad little joke of a world squatting inside of the 8IGGEST, LAMEST JOKE in the HISTORY of EXIST8NCE!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: Hahahahahahahaha...
VRISKA: Haaaaaaaa.
VRISKA: ........
VRISKA: You know...
VRISKA: I 8et no8ody here even knew who I was.
VRISKA: Everything I did, I did for you.
VRISKA: You didn't need some idiot clown to redeem you.
VRISKA: Everything you needed was already here!
VRISKA: 8ecause I fucking 8UILT IT FOR YOU!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: And after all that, you couldn't even have the decency to 8e 8oring and nice to each other.
VRISKA: So guess what.
VRISKA: The carnival is over!
VRISKA: I killed that harlequin son of a 8itch, and I hope he 8urns in clown hell forever.
VRISKA: 8ut for the crime of falling for his disgusting lies?
VRISKA: Your society... no, your whole planet... it deserves to 8urn str8 to MEGAhell, and I'm gonna 8e the one to fly it there!
VRISKA: I'm gonna shatter your paradise into pieces with my 8are hands and SHIT IN ITS GRAVE!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: HOW'S THAT FOR A FUCKING ST8MENT!
VRISKA: YOU GOT ALL THAT, JANE CROCKER?
VRISKA: DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT'S COMING FOR YOU????????
VRISKA: YOU'VE MESSED WITH
VRISKA: ********VRISKA********
VRISKA: ****FUUUUUUUUCKING****
VRISKA: ********SERK8T********
VRISKA: AND SHE!!!!!!!!
VRISKA: HAS *HAD*!!!!!!!!
#homestuck#homestuck^2#harry anderson egbert#vrissy maryam lalonde#tavros crocker#vriska serket#reporter 1#reporter 2#reporter 3#homestuck^2 act 1#page 213#page 214#page 215#page 216#page 217
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After the heartache of the Volume 8 finale, I would like to return to a happier point in the show and suggest some memes/jokes that I like to think the students at Beacon would have had. More closely inline with the RWBY Chibi-verse, than the actual show - where Nothing Bad Ever Happened.
"Who's child is this?" being used to refer to Ruby - the youngest student at Beacon - when she's left unsupervised and/or doing something odd.
"I'd let Glynda punish/whip me for one corn chip."
Every now and again "Missing - Have you seen this person?" posters for Professor Peach will pop up around campus. No one knows who it is that keeps making them.
Vomit Boy candids being taken and shared any time Jaune is Suffering™️ on some form of transport.
The Great One plush of Pyrrha exists in-universe... and becomes the go-to prize for any stupid competition between the students. There's at least a dozen of these dolls on campus now, owned by various people and won as "spoils of war."
There's a dedicated chalkboard in the combat room for tallying how many times Nora has launched someone into the stratosphere. Notable mentions are listed on the board alongside her of other people who have achieved this feat - including Yang, Yatsuhashi, and Glynda.
(She launched both Port and Oobleck one day when they kept annoying her. Sometimes, their screams can still be heard if you listen closely enough.)
"There's that old guy again..." "Oh, shopkeep? Yea, he's everywhere. Don't think too much about it."
This leads to "Don't think too much about it." becoming something of a slogan for every time anything unusual happens.
"Candy canes, kids! One for Sun Wukong, one for Yang Xiao-Long, ooh four for Coco Adel, you go Coco!"
"I--"
"Andnoneforweissschneebye~"
Team STRQ having something akin to legend status at Beacon, whispered in hushed voices for fear and reverence of their names. There's a war between the students regarding team JNPR as their successors vs. the students who insist JNPR are not anywhere near worthy of such a title.
"How many team CRDLs does it take to beat Pyrrha?"
Blurry fancam-style videos of the Qrow vs. Winter fight out in the courtyard being traded around like baseball cards with other students. Some try and manufacture a "rematch" of this with the materials they've got - trying to get Ruby and Weiss to fight each other.
That weird sing-song "HellOooOo~" that Yang sometimes does being mimicked by everyone. And I mean everyone.
Any time there's a significant lull in conversations or classes, someone often asks "Why are we here?" which never fails to make everyone in the vicinity groan.
"Ozpin is compensating for something" jokes about his office chair - including at least one popular response being "it's the war crimes", without them knowing just how accurate they actually are.
"On a scale of Ren-Nora, how excited do you want me to be?"
"Ladies Love Lavender" referring to Lisa Lavender having her own in-universe fandom mostly comprised of women. (Lavender being associated with lesbians irl, and I just think this would be funny.)
The sight of Ren just picking up and carrying Nora away from something is so commonplace that other people start doing it to their friends when they Need To Stop.
"Why is Blake's bow so big?" "Because it's full of secrets."
Blake being a closet faunus being such a poorly hidden secret that by the time she finally takes off the bow no one actually even notices.
The betting pool surrounding exactly what it is in Ozpin's cup - coffee being one of the least popular options, and souls being the top choice.
Using Yatsuhasi as a unit of measurement.
Photoshopping adorable images of Velvet onto various "cute" animal memes.
Everyone wanting to be spanked by Coco Adel.
"I'd let Fox blow me up too."
"Why is Weiss' hair so long?" "To reflect the length of her father's crimes."
Everyone mimicking Pyrrha's memetic "I'm sorry!" anytime they apologise for anything. Even going as far to do it while apologising to things that don't require apologies - like inanimate objects.
"Are Port and Oobleck, you know... 💅?"
In fact, just that 💅 being used to refer to a large number of people at Beacon. Actual LGBT students picking this up and using it towards grimm when they're attacked to question the sexuality/homophobia of the grimm targeting them over their peers.
Threatening Neptune with water anytime he flirts with a girl who is clearly Not Interested in him.
No one knowing who, exactly, the other two members of team SSSN are - with wild theories abounding about who they may be. Popular choices include Shopkeep, Zwei, and Professor Peach.
This persists even after their tournament fights where they're shown. Scarlet and Sage are perfectly content with this, and participate.
"Arslan's/Pyrrha's back must be aching from constantly carrying her entire team."
And the respective responses of, "Reese/Nora are alright."
Similar jokes about Glynda also carrying the entire faculty/academy on her back.
"Salutations!"
The war between the "Irondaddy" fanbase, and his haters - who refer to him with various derogatory versions of his name. "Metalpenis", "Coppercock", "Chromeshaft", etc.
Anytime someone is doing something ~questionable~ donning a pair of glasses and/or imitating Oz or Oobleck pushing them back up their nose with accompanying menacing body language. (Kubrick Stare optional.)
Mercury having a foot fetish, courtesy of the people who caught him sniffing shoes at the festival.
"Did <character> just die?" "You know, it was really unclear." any time someone takes some insane damage in a fight and isn't seen for some time afterwards.
Everyone trying to locate and get a pic of the ~mysterious~ fourth member of team CMSN, who has only ever been spotted once - her tournament fight in the first round. Beacon's version of "Where's Wally?"
The Sympathy Fund for Emerald and her one-sided crush on Cinder. "She could honestly do so much better."
People offering themselves up as tribute to spar with Pyrrha/Yang/Coco/Sun just so they can be beaten up by the hottest people on campus.
"I drink milk!" being used as a defensive argument in wildly inappropriate contexts.
Naming grimm really boring names and attempting to keep them as pets.
The innumerous times Port has allowed a "zoo-break" to happen under his watch and everyone having to assist in recovering his prized subjects.
"Where the fuck are all the fourth years?" "Ozpin's soul collection."
Candid shots of Glynda Suffering™️ being shared similarly to the ones of Vomit Boy.
Ranking people based on their Patience Levels - Pyrrha, Ren, Glynda, Emerald, and Fox being frequent top markers based on the bullshit they put up with from their respective teams.
"Saint Pyrrha" being a common nickname for her, and her neverending niceness towards people who absolutely do not not deserve it.
Weiss' "Hey!" being replicated amongst the student body and slowly growing more and more high-pitched in its replication until it eventually just becomes a shrill noise. Even so, everyone still knows what it means - and Weiss is absolutely unamused by all of this.
In fact, a lot of early!Weiss' comments being mercilessly mocked by everyone - "I'm a victim!" being one of them.
Renowned fear permitting amongst the student body regarding Yang's red eyes meaning Serious Business. Morphs into references of "going full Yang" to mean having rage-fuelled temper tantrums.
"Never miss a beat, never miss a beat" becoming a mantra for focusing on a task. This inspires several remixes of Neon saying it, and again with no one knowing who it is making them.
By all means, feel free to add any more that you all think of! I could use a laugh!
Also, check the notes for additions!
#rwby#rwby vol 8#ruby rose#weiss schnee#penny polendina#blake belladonna#yang xiao long#jaune arc#pyrrha nikos#lie ren#nora valkyrie#coco adel#velvet scarlatina#cinder fall#emerald sustrai#glynda goodwitch#ozpin#oobleck#professor port#sun wukong#neptune vasilias#professor oobleck#winter schnee#qrow branwen#professor Ozpin#james ironwood
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To fight inflation, fight monopolies
The majority of the public blames inflation on price-gouging. That’s not surprising, because the CEOs of monopolistic companies keep boasting about their record profits even as they raise prices. If a company raises prices and margins, then we don’t have an “inflation” problem, we have a price-fixing problem.
https://pluralistic.net/2021/11/20/quiet-part-out-loud/#profiteering
And yet, the majority of economists insist that this is impossible. They hew to the Reagan-era doctrine that says that inflation is always the result of giving poor people too much money, which leads to the “wage-price spiral.” The answer is to hike interest rates, cut “generous” benefits and take away labor rights.
Writing for The American Prospect, Georgetown University economist Hal Singer identifies and dissects the brain-worms that infect neoliberal economists, and the way their dying orthodoxy punishes working people and lets monopolists off the hook.
https://prospect.org/economy/antitrust-should-be-used-to-fight-inflation/
In particular, he demolishes the argument that since market concentration hasn’t increased much over the past two years (a dubious assertion!), it can’t be to blame for inflation. Singer points out that cartels and monopolists can (and do) use things like supply chain shocks and expanded unemployment benefits as cover for price-gouging.
Price-fixing requires either explicit or tacit collusion, and collusion is easier when industries grow more concentrated. If all the execs that control an industry can fit around a single table, eventually they will sit down at a table and start rigging prices. If an industry is so diverse that the execs who control it barely fit in a large conference center, they won’t be able to agree on the lunch catering, much less a conspiracy to rig prices.
This obvious fact has been systematically denied by orthodox economists since the Reagan era. Frank Easterbrook’s 1984 “Limits of Antitrust” — one of the bibles of the pro-monopoly movement — holds that monopolies are usually efficient, and that the consequences of breaking up a “good” monopoly are much worse than the consequences of tolerating a “bad” monopoly (which probably doesn’t exist, and if it does, will likely be addressed by “market forces” if left alone).
This is a doctrine that counsels leaving monopolists alone, lest a hasty regulator get rid of an “efficient” monopoly that is doing nothing but good in the world. And so it is that 40 years later, nearly every industry is monopolized, with control in the hands of five or fewer firms, a tractable number for engaging in conspiracy.
Today, antitrust orthodoxy is crumbling and new proposals are competing to replace it. Singer proposes a fascinating one: there should be automatic antitrust investigations into any industry that 1) is highly concentrated; 2) has rising margins; and 3) raises prices by more than 10% each year.
That would trigger a hell of a lot of automatic investigations! The WSJ reports that two-thirds of US companies have increased their margins during the pandemic.
https://www.wsj.com/articles/inflation-yellen-biden-price-increase-cost-shipping-supply-chain-labor-shortage-pandemic-11636934826
Singer says that the main impact of this rule would be to discourage collusion, and that there is no such thing as “efficient collusion” that benefits society, so even if you buy Easterbrook’s idea that monopolies are mostly efficient, this rule will only target “bad monopolies” not “good ones.”
Singer also points out that presidents can do a lot to discourage price rigging. JFK railed against the steel industry’s profiteering and they slashed their margins rather than risk an investigation. Biden did the same for beef, with the same result.
Now, Trump also did this, but his approach had significant differences. Trump practiced “gangster antitrust,” asking agencies to target his political enemies.
Antitrust will always be political, but it needn’t be partisan. The Chicago School of Economics’ war on antitrust enforcement was a political movement, and so is the fight to restore it. The criticism that FTC Chair Lina Khan is political when she promotes small businesses requires that we pretend that promoting monopolies wasn’t political.
Politics and economics can’t be separated. The Sam Vimes Boots Index, lately launched by Jack Monroe, tracks the price-hikes in the cheapest goods, finding that they are far steeper than in goods targeted at wealthier people.
https://www.tor.com/2022/01/26/terry-pratchett-vimes-boots-index/
And of course they are. Poor peoples’ complaints are less damaging to cartels than rich peoples’ complaints. Companies gouge when they can get away with it. Supply-chain shocks let them get away with it. Expanded covid benefits let them get away with it. A powerless customer-base lets them get away with it.
Inflation scare-talk is a whip used to scourge working people by accusing them of endangering the economy because they have too much money. It is a political project. There is no “politicizing” these issues — they were political from the start.
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