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hotchnerbau · 3 days
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she said 😧
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juniperskye · 1 day
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Who Are You Again?
Based on the following ask: I had another plot thought! Aaron x BAU Reader (female or gender neutral) where Reader disobeys an order to save a victim and gets hurt really bad. Reader wakes up in the hospital to Aaron who is angry at first but then is shocked when it turns out that Reader has retrograde amnesia from the injury. Reader has forgotten their entire career in the BAU and even that They and Aaron were secretly dating! Last thing Reader actually remembers was attending a lecture in college where Aaron was a guest speaker and Reader developed a crush on him! Now Aaron has to carefully navigate helping Reader recover without outing their relationship to anyone else. Or maybe he wonders if it's better they forget? But for a HEA ending definitely Aaron doing something romantic sparks a memory and helps everything come flooding back. @nyxwolph thank you for requesting again and trusting me with your ideas! – I did have to change things up a bit (I struggled big time with this one)
Aaron Hotchner x BAU! Fem Reader
Angst/Fluff
Word count: 5336
REQUESTS ARE OPEN - not edited - please be kind. Requests are open and feedback is welcome if it's constructive!
Warnings: My blog is 18+, minors DNI, age gap, some language, BAU canon typical violence, mention of parent death, mention of kidnapping, mention of Haley and Jack, secret relationship, let me know if I missed any!!
That being said I do not own the characters portrayed in this story.
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“In chaos theory, the butterfly effect is the sensitive dependence on initial conditions in which a small change in one state of a deterministic nonlinear system can result in large differences in a later state.” Essentially, something as small as a butterfly flapping its wings could cause something as catastrophic as a tornado.  
Aaron wondered what small event happened that led to this moment right now. A moment that would change the trajectory of your lives forever.
*36 hours earlier*
“Garcia has the unsubs location; he’s headed down a backroad just east of the 95.” Aaron said.
“He’s devolving, he’s probably going to try and dispose of his latest victim.” Morgan chimed in.
“Not if we have anything to do with it.” JJ replied.
“His location is being shared with you all, everyone be safe, at this point he’s going to be willing to do anything to avoid prison.” Hotch added.
“I’m close by, I am going to go try and cut him off.” You suggested.
The team expressed their worry and care and urged you to be careful. The only thing you had on your mind, however, was saving the five-year-old boy this unsub had hidden. You drove as fast as your vehicle would allow, you had to get to the unsub. You had to save that boy.
As you got closer to the location Garcia had shared, you could see the dust trail the unsubs car was leaving down the road. You thought about your options, and you made a snap decision. Drive on, no matter the consequences – take out the unsub’s car. So that’s what you did.
You drove forward and your car t-boned the unsubs, only you hadn’t considered that he’d be driving a semi tractor. Upon impact, your SUV was crushed, in your rush to get to the unsub you’d forgotten to put on your seatbelt and your body was ejected through the windshield.
The accident was enough to stop the unsub long enough for the team to arrive. As they surveyed the scene, Aaron’s stomach dropped. He immediately began barking orders, demanding medics, and sending agents to the unsubs’ farm to find the boy.  Throughout everything he refused to leave your side.
*Present Day*
“Sir, we had to place her in a medically induced coma to allow the swelling in her brain to go down.” The doctor explained.
“Is there an estimate as to how long it’ll be until she wakes up?” Aaron asked.
“With these kinds of injuries, it’s hard to say. The brain is a tricky thing, and no two injuries are alike. We just have to wait and see.”
“Thank you.” Aaron said, shaking the doctor’s hand.
Your doctor made her exit and Aaron moved to the seat beside your bed. He gently took your hand in his own placing a kiss to the back of it before returning it to your side. Aaron had thought back to the night everything changed.
*One year earlier*
“Hey Hotch, here’s that report you asked for. You aren’t staying are you?” You asked, glancing at your watch.
“Thanks, and yeah I had a few things I needed to finish up.”
You made your way over to Aaron’s couch, dropped your bag to the floor, and shrugged your jacket off. You pulled your phone out to see what was still open for delivery in the area. Aaron and you had shared many nights like this, spending late nights together in his office. The two of you had grown very close over the years, so much so that David had outright asked Aaron if you two were dating. To which Aaron let out an awkward chuckle and denied the accusation. If only he knew.
“What are you doing? You should head home.” Aaron said.
“Well, you should too, and you aren’t, so I guess that means we’re ordering dinner.” You smiled at him.
“I love you.” Aaron said simply.
“What?” You were stunned.
“I’m sorry, that was inappropriate. I didn’t – I um….”
“Say it again.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Aaron made his way over to you, gently caressed your face and kissed you. It was everything you had ever imagined. There had been this tension between the two of you over the last two years and it was all finally coming together.
After that night, Aaron and you had agreed to keep your relationship under wraps, to avoid any potential disruption to the team, but also any question as to your position on the team. Aaron didn’t want anyone to question the fact that it was your skills and resume alone that got you to where you are.
Yours and Aaron’s relationship blossomed after that night, but not without hardships. Aaron and you faced a lot of adversity in multiple aspects of your relationship; you had a hard time trusting people, Aaron had been self-conscious of your age gap, and you both couldn’t help but feel that you weren’t good enough for the other (not that either of you would bring it up).
*Present Day*
A tear fell from Aaron’s eye, he couldn’t fathom losing you. This was all part of the reason he didn’t want to get serious with someone after Haley, but then you came into his life. You’d come in and made yourself known with your kind eyes and witty charm; how could he not fall in love with you.
Aaron fell for you slowly then all at once, it came naturally, and he couldn’t help it. He knew that the team had their suspicions and honestly over the last year there had been some close calls, but you had ultimately maintained the secrecy of your relationship.
In this moment, Aaron couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt and regret over the fact that he’d asked you to keep things quiet. Had he let the team in on your relationship, he could’ve done a better job at keeping you safe.
*2 Weeks Later*
Aaron had been by your side as much as possible over the last two weeks, which is exactly where he was when you started to stir. Aaron shot straight up in his seat, his hand quickly reaching for your own.
You couldn’t help the groan that escaped your throat, your body hurt so bad, and you felt very confused. You attempted to open your eyes but immediately regretted it – the bright fluorescents adding to the pounding in your head. As you blinked through the brightness of the room, you glanced over to your bedside, noticing a tall man seated there.
“What on earth were you thinking? Driving into the unsub like that, you could’ve been killed. Your actions were reckless and unacceptable.” The man scolded you.
You couldn’t find it in you to reply, your head was pounding. You brought your hand up to your forehead and gently press the heel of your palm into it, hoping to alleviate some of the pressure.
“Sweetheart hold on, I’ll go get your doctor.” A deep voice sounded from your bedside.
Before you could question the pet name, you heard the sound of his dress shoes clicking against the linoleum floors.
The man returned with your doctor; he dimmed the lights slightly on his way back to your bedside. He moved to grab your hand again, to which you shifted, wringing your hands nervously in your lap.
“Hello, I’m doctor Raynor. How are you feeling?”
“Like I was hit by a truck, what happened?” You questioned, giving your doctor and the man a once over.
You recognized the man; it was Special Agent Hotchner of the BAU. What was he doing here? What happened?
“Well, you were involved in an accident, can you tell me what you remember?” Dr. Raynor inquired.
“I um, well, I was leaving a lecture.” Your gaze shifted to Agent Hotchner “Your lecture actually, you were talking about MO’s. I guess the accident was after that?” You couldn’t help but notice Agent Hotchner’s expression faulter.
Your doctor looked over at Agent Hotchner and he shook his head. The two of them seemingly knew something you didn’t. You couldn’t help but feel like you’d just given the wrong answer in front of the class. Dr. Raynor had gone through the rest of your injuries with you, multiple lacerations that had required stitches, a few broken ribs, a broken wrist, and of course your TBI. Once she was done she gave you a somber look.
“Would you excuse us for just a moment? I am going to send in one of your nurses to check you over and I’ll be back in just a moment.” Dr. Raynor said.
“Oh, okay.”
Dr. Raynor and Agent Hotchner left your room, and you tried your best to listen to their conversation.
*Hotch’s POV*
She doesn’t remember me, well us. It’s like the last five years have just disappeared.
“Agent Hotchner, I gather that the lecture she’s referring to did not occur two weeks ago when she was brought in.”
“No, that lecture was nearly five years ago.” I explained.
“This would be a case of retrograde amnesia, if she’s lost recent memories.” Dr. Raynor replied.
“Will her memory return?”
“It’s hard to say.”
While Aaron was completely devastated, he couldn’t help the doubt that creeped into his mind, telling him “This is for the best”.
*Normal POV*
Dr. Raynor and Agent Hotchner looked extremely serious, and you started to feel nauseous. Something was obviously wrong. You watched as their conversation ceased and they made their way back into the room.
Something must have happened, why would Agent Hotchner be here.
“Alright, it would appear that due to the brain trauma you sustained in your accident, you are experiencing what we describe as retrograde amnesia. This is when you can’t recall memories from your past. Based on your most recent memory, it appears as if you’ve lost approximately five years.” Dr. Raynor explained.
“Five years? Five years of memories are just gone. I don’t understand. If that’s true then why are you here?” You asked gesturing to Agent Hotchner.
“Well, you work for the BAU. You have for about three years now.”
“I do? I – I, this is a lot. What does this mean? Have you called my emergency contact?” You asked.
“I uh – I am your emergency contact.” Agent Hotchner spoke up.
“What, why? It has always been my mom, I don’t understand.”
“I’m so sorry, your mom, she uh – she passed last year. That’s when you switched it over to me.” Agent Hotchner’s gaze shifted down to his shoes.
“She’s gone?” Your voice cracked.
“Okay, this has been quite a bit of information. The most important thing right now is getting healthy. We want to keep you here a little longer to continue monitoring the swelling in your brain. Once we’ve confirmed it has gone down, you’ll want to get back in your usual routine, that is the best shot at getting your memory back.” Dr. Raynor gently patted your leg.
“How am I meant to get back to my normal routine when I don’t know it? The one person I had, I just found out is dead.”
“Given that Agent Hotchner is your emergency contact, we would be able to release you into his care. For now, we just need to stay positive.” With that, Dr. Raynor made her exit.
“I know this is a lot, but the BAU, we’re like a family, that includes you. Each member of the team is going to be willing to do anything to help you throughout this process.” Agent Hotchner said.
Part of you knew you could trust him; he had kind eyes, and you knew he was genuine. However, the other part of you felt so hopeless, like a lost kid in a department store. How were you meant to go home with this man who you didn’t know.
*Five Days Later*
“Do you have everything?” Aaron asked.
He had been with you every day for the last five days. He had brought you some things from your apartment and asked you to call him Aaron for now while you were “getting to know him”. You had to admit, it had been pretty nice talking with him the last few days.
“I think so!” You looked over at him. “I know that I am meant to be staying with you, at least until I’m fully healed, but could we go to my apartment first? I’d like to see it and maybe go through some of my things?”
“Of course we can.” Aaron nodded, gesturing towards the door.
The drive to your place was filled with small talk, mostly you asking Aaron questions about the BAU and the time you’ve spent there. It felt weird asking the man who is technically your boss about your personal life.
When you arrived, Aaron made sure to open your door for you and carry your bag into your home. He led you inside and you couldn’t help but notice how comfortable he seemed in your place, like he’d been there before. Like he belonged there. You shook the thought from your mind.
“I got you a new phone, it’s all set up for you.” Aaron said handing you the device.
“Thanks! Were they able to back up the old one? I was hoping to go through old texts and pictures to gather some insight into my life. God that sounds weird.” You huffed out a breath.
“I have our technical analyst Penelope Garcia working on that for you.” Aaron informed you.
“That’s great, thank you.”
The truth was, Aaron didn’t have Garcia backing up your old phone, at least not yet. He knew that if he had brought it to her she would uncover all the private texts and photos that you two had shared over the last year. He didn’t want to risk everyone finding out about your relationship, especially now when he wasn’t sure what your future would hold.
Aaron watched you as you made your way around your apartment. You wandered slowly around letting your fingers graze the spines of books on your shelves, picture frames on the walls and tchotchkes that were strewn about your desk and shelves. 
He so badly wanted to pull you into his arms, kiss your head and tell you that everything was going to be okay. He wanted you to know that he wasn’t just your boss. But he also thought about all the things that could go wrong if he told you. You could question your own ethics and fall into self-loathing with the thought that you’d potentially slept your way to the top – this was the furthest thing from the truth, but he knew you and the way your mind spiraled. He wondered if it would just be easier if he let you find yourself all on your own, to let this thing between you go and hope that maybe you’d find your way back to him again.
When he looked over to you once again, he saw that you had found a photo album. It was one he was very familiar with; Garcia had gotten it for you on your 1-year BAU anniversary and filled it halfway. Since then, you’d continue to add to it all the photos you’d taken with the team.
You hadn’t realized you were crying until a tear had fallen onto the picture you were currently examining. Your emotions were running high, looking through the album was so strange it felt like looking at a stranger and yet it was you in photo after photo looking happier than ever with these people you couldn’t remember.
You felt the couch dip beside you and Aaron gently rubbed his hand up and down your back.
“I can’t imagine how overwhelming this all must be. I know that I can’t understand but I am here for you and I’m happy to lend an ear if you want to talk about it.” Aaron quietly soothed you.
“Thank you so much Aaron. I just don’t know how to wrap my head around this being me but not remembering it. Clearly you all mean so much to me and yet I have no recollection of any of this.” You sobbed.
Aaron and you sat like that on your couch for a while. He gave you the time you needed to calm down, while holding you, whispering sweet nothings to you. You felt oddly comfortable there in his arms, your mind shifted to the thought that enjoying the way his arms felt around you was also incredibly inappropriate given that he was your boss. At that thought you shifted slightly. You thought back to why you had signed up to audit Aaron’s lecture and while the main reason was the knowledge he’d lend you, a part of you allowed his looks to give you that final push in signing up.
“I should probably grab a few things so we can head out.” You whispered.
“Do you need any help?” Aaron asked.
“I should be okay, but I’ll let you know!”
Aaron drove the two of you back to his apartment, for the time being he had asked Jessica to keep Jack, this way you could adjust, and Jack also wouldn’t out your relationship. Aaron had his guest bedroom set up for you, he’d set it up with some of your favorite things. A lavender scented candle, extra pillows, a fluffy blanket, and he made sure to set a small trinket dish on the dresser, so you’d have a place to put your jewelry.
These of course were all things Aaron had previously had at his place for you. When you two had gotten increasingly more serious, he encouraged you to leave some stuff at his place and he’d gone as far as to supply some of your favorites around his home for you.
Aaron led you into his home and you couldn’t help but glance around, really taking in your surroundings. You couldn’t help but take note of a few things as he showed you around; there was a photo missing from the side table next to the couch (you could see the tiny bit of dust that must’ve collected around it), the pantry was stocked with quite a few of your favorite snacks, there was a pink coffee mug in the cabinet, and lastly, tucked under the shoe rack near the front door were a pair of fluffy gray slippers.
You couldn’t explain why, but there was a slight pang of jealousy in you as you thought of Aaron having a girlfriend. You knew you had no right to feel that way and it would be incredibly inappropriate, but it was a gut reaction.
*One Week Later*
Aaron and you had fallen into a weird sort of routine, it started to feel a lot like the 50’s, you making dinner and cleaning while he worked. You were starting to get a bit stir crazy, which is exactly why you were so excited today. Garcia would be coming by to see you; she was bringing over a bunch of photos and videos of you with the team throughout the last three years.
It was a paperwork catch-up day for the BAU, so Aaron had given Penelope the go ahead to take a long lunch and spend some time with you. So, when a knock on the door rang through the apartment, you couldn’t help the burst of excitement that coursed its way through your veins.
“Hi Penelope!”
“Hey babe! How are you feeling?” She asked, giving you a look of concern.
“I’m feeling pretty good, you know, except for the missing five years of memories thing.”  You let out a low chuckle.
“Oh goodness! Well, I’ve brought a ton of stuff that might help bring some stuff back. I read that sense of smell is the sense that links with memories the strongest so have a bunch of things for you to smell while you look at photos in hopes something will come back to you.”
“That sounds like a great idea!” You smiled at Penelope.
The next hour or so went by with Penelope showing you photos and videos along with passing you various items to smell in hopes of bringing back some of your memories. And while it wasn’t like a wave crashing over you, bringing all your memories back, it did bring some things back. You could remember the members of the BAU and some of their quirks, you remembered the feeling of being in the bullpen (thanks to the smell of some very burnt coffee). What you were struggling to regain was your emotional memories, you couldn’t quite pinpoint the relationships you had with anyone from the team. 
“I am glad that this helped! I should probably get out of your hair though; I can tell you have headache.” Penelope
“Thank you Penelope, I really appreciate all of this!”
You led her to the door, and she reminded you to get some rest and to take it easy. She also suggested that you come by the BAU for lunch in the next week or so to see everyone. The team had been doing a good job of not overwhelming you and allowing you time to get back in the swing of things.
“Oh, Penelope before you go, did you get a chance to back up my old phone? Aaron said you were working on it.”
“Oh, hon. He must’ve forgotten to mention it, but I will get started on that right away! I’ll text you as soon as I’m done, okay? We will just be able to pull the backup and put it on your new phone!” She said pulling you into a tight hug, before making her exit.
Why would Aaron have lied to you about your old phone? Maybe Penelope was right, and it just slipped his mind, he had been dealing with a lot, taking care of you, and having you stay with him.
You hadn’t meant to snoop, honestly, but after having talked with Penelope, the feeling Aaron was hiding something from you was extremely prevalent. You decided to look around a bit, you know, while putting the laundry away. You needed to put the towels away in Aaron’s bathroom, you just happened to notice the second toothbrush in the holder, the dress hanging inside his closet (come on, the door was already open), the ring box tucked in his sock drawer, what shocked you the most were the photos in the hall closet. It was a photo of him and a tall brunette that had you spiraling, where was this woman? You had clearly been invading his space long enough and you couldn’t bear the thought of coming between him and this woman who was to be his fiancé.
You needed to get back to your life, and out of Aaron’s hair. You decided that you’d tell him that night over dinner, you were going to move back home.
“Hey, I’m home!” Aaron called.
“Hey, how was your day?” You asked.
Aaron explained that his day was good, and he asked you about your get together with Penelope as you finished up dinner. Aaron set the table as you followed behind him plating up the food.
“I’m glad to hear things went well with Penelope. I think lunch with the team is a great idea.”
“Aaron I’m gonna move back home.” The words flew out of your mouth faster than your brain could catch up. “I’m sorry, I just don’t want to impose on your life any more than I already have.”
“It’s truly not an imposition, but if that’s what you want.” Aaron looked deflated.
“I just think it’s important we both get back to our usual every day.”
“If you think that’s best.”
You two ate in silence. Afterwards you both went to the kitchen, cleaned up the dishes and made your way to your separate rooms. You began packing up your belongings and Aaron scrolled through photos of the two of you from before the accident.
*Two Days Later*
“Good morning gorgeous!!! I am calling to inform you that the backup from your old phone is ready, and I also think it is the perfect day for you to come in and have lunch with everyone!” Penelope sang over the phone.
“Okay, what time should I come down there?”
“Ummm maybe around 12:30? Everyone is usually ready to eat by then. I can call and order in something too!”
“Oh, and uh Pen, I don’t know the address, and I’m not cleared to drive.” You said shyly.
“Oh shoot, okay! I’ll see who is available to come and pick you up, no worries.” Penelope reassured you.
You took some time getting ready, most of the team hadn’t seen you since before the injuries, and while the cuts and bruises have faded and scarred, you still had a very broken wrist and frequent headaches, along with PTSD and anxiety attacks thanks to the TBI. You felt like you had been doing well, and based on your recent check-up with your neurologist, things are trending up in regard to your health. Though you began to worry that the worst had yet to come.
A knock on your door shook you out of your thoughts, as you made your way to answer it, you wondered who Penelope sent to get you. Pulling the door open revealed someone you were hoping you wouldn’t see so soon.
“Hi Aaron.”
“Hello, were going to go pick up the food on the way back to the BAU, if that’s okay.” Aaron explained.
“Yeah, that’s fine.” You nodded.
The drive was filled with tense silence. You couldn’t help but wonder why Aaron would harbor any negative feelings towards you. You’d only moved out of his apartment so he could get back on to his life, if anything he should be grateful that you’ve gone home. One of the main reasons you’d really decided to go home was because of the fact that you were growing far too comfortable.
Things at Aaron’s house were starting to feel right, like it was where you belong. You had no idea how you had been able to work with him over the last few years, the crush you had on him all those years ago had only proven to grow stronger.
“I’ll run in and grab the food.” Aaron said, pulling you out of your thoughts.
Before you could reply, he stepped out of the car and made his way into the restaurant.  
Aaron got you signed in with a visitor’s badge (as you weren’t cleared to work) and then he led you up to the sixth floor, BAU bullpen. Upon walking in, you felt an odd sense of familiarity. You knew that it would make sense for the BAU to bring memories back and that you would have muscle memory to help lead you through the building, but it felt very strange.
You looked over at Aaron, “I need to go see Garcia, do you mind pointing me in the right direction?”
“Of course, her office is that way. Second door on the right.”
“Thanks.” You smiled.
You wandered through the corridor, catching a glimpse of Garcia through her open door. You lightly knocked on her door and walked into her office.
“Oh! Hello gorgeous!” Garcia squealed, standing, and pulling you into a hug.
“Hey Pen!”
“Let’s get your phone squared away and then we will go eat.”
You handed your phone over to Penelope and she began downloading the last backup from your old phone.
“This should only take a few minutes.”
Penelope and you made idle chit chat for a few moments while waiting on your phone. When it finished uploading, she unplugged it and handed it to you. The two of you then made your way to the bullpen.
Lunch with the BAU was overwhelming to say the least. It was fun talking to everyone, but you could tell everyone was walking on eggshells and you could see the pity flash behind their eyes as you sat and explained your lack of memories with the people sitting before you.
After lunch, Aaron let everyone leave early. It had been a paperwork day and the team had been very productive. He told them all to go home, but of course to leave their phones on, just in case they had to leave. Emily offered to drive you home, given the close proximity of your apartments.
When you got home, you changed into some comfortable clothes and sat on the couch. You took a deep breath and unlocked your phone. There were two things you noticed while going through everything, the first being a significant number of photos saved and the second being the texts exchanged between you and your boss.
You decided to go through the photos first. There were plenty of you with the various members of the BAU, but what caught your attention was one image in particular, in it, you were laid in bed with your head resting on a man’s chest…the man being none other than Aaron.
You quickly switched over to your messages app. Clicking Aaron’s name, you saw the most recent text…
“Be careful sweetheart. I love you.”
Your mind was racing, what were you meant to think, why would he keep this from you? Was the ring meant for you? You needed to see him.
You ordered an Uber and made your way to the FBI building. You signed in, getting a visitors’ badge and headed up to the sixth floor.
“Aaron” You called out into the bullpen.
“Is everything okay? What are you doing here?” Aaron asked as he walked out of his office.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Tell you what?” Aaron questioned.
“That we were together.”
You gestured to your phone. Aaron dropped his gaze for a moment, before looking back to you. You could see the pain behind his eyes.
“Sweetheart, we had been keeping it a secret, and I don’t know, I guess I thought that maybe you’d be better off. I figured you might find someone more appropriate for you.”
“That wasn’t a choice for you to make. Aaron things have been confusing enough, losing my memory. But to have you lying to me, it’s total bullshit. How am I supposed to get my memories back if you are keeping such a big part of me a secret.” You couldn’t help the frustrated tears from slipping down your cheek.
Aaron reached for you and let his thumb brush the tear off your cheek. He stepped closer to you and brought his other hand to your cheek.
“I am so sorry. I should’ve told you from the get-go, I was scared. I thought that maybe I would tell you and you’d have to get to know me again and maybe you wouldn’t love me the way you did before. I also couldn’t help but think that I don’t deserve you and this was your perfect out. But that was selfish, I should’ve told you the truth.”
You leaned your head onto Aaron’s chest, and he wrapped his arms around you. He pressed a gentle kiss to your hairline and then he pulled back.
“Can I show you something?” Aaron asked.
You nodded and followed him to his office. Aaron led you around his desk and gestured for you to sit in his chair. He pointed to his computer screen, and you took note of the screen saver. It was a slideshow of pictures taken throughout your relationship, there were pictures of you at the FBI Gala, Jack’s soccer game, art museums, at Aaron’s home, at your apartment, etc..
It happened slowly, then all at once. A warm feeling flooded your veins, and a dull ache filled your head. Tears were steadily streaming down your face. You looked up at Aaron, and he met your gaze. A moment was shared before understanding washed over Aaron.
“I remember.”
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agentdilfhotchner · 3 days
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"Garcia, I'll tell you what you are to me. You're my God given solace. Woman, you promise me one thing? Whatever happens, don't you ever stop talking to me." - Derek Morgan
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Say that You Love Me - Chapter 24
Break Free and Leave Us in Ruins
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader
Warnings: 18+ Minors DNI, canon typical violence, insecurities, death, inaccuracies for how the U.S. government works, the Turning Point, angst!!! conclusion to the Replicator episode, end of Season 8
Series Masterlist
It came at night. 
You felt vulnerable. You hadn't felt like that in years.
Maybe the last time was when you got a little drunk in front of the team during your graduation party. Though, ever since Emily left, things were never the same. You felt it slowly at first, then by the time you realized, your guard was already back at ten feet tall.
Except when you were with Spencer.
But Spencer's gone. At least, the Spencer you knew. The Spencer who didn't hate you merely for existing. 
You hit the wooden dummy again with your fists tight around your knives. The dummy was your anger outlet, standing there innocently as you obliterated it. 
You didn't know how long you were there. All you knew, your workout playlist that consisted of 20 songs had been repeating itself multiple times. And yeah, maybe there was some blood from your knuckles and your hands were hurting every time you hit the dummy. But hey, at least, you could pinpoint which part of your body was hurting.
That was, until your left ear was void of any music. Instead, someone screamed out, "Stop, Daisy."
You didn't, stabbing the knife (sorry, dagger) to the middle part of the dummy. "Gym's closed."
"Y/N," Spencer wrapped his hand around one of your upper arms, turning you to face him instead of the dummy. "Stop it, please."
His pleading tone made you falter. You looked up at his face, illuminated only by the shitty fluorescent light of the FBI old training gym. His jaw was set, and you didn't want to know what his eyes were saying.
"What do you want?" You asked, desperately trying to hold together your ten feet wall that was already crumbling for him.
His brows furrowed in pain. "Y/N‒"
You scoffed. Anger was that one thread holding it together. "Which part of ‘I don’t want to talk to you’ don’t you understand?"
Spencer slid his fingers to your palm, then, bringing them together, sandwiched between his. "Are you okay?"
You snatched your hands back from his hold and shoved at his chest. He fell back, and wasn't expecting it, back hitting the dummy. In a fraction of a second, you snatched one of the knives from the dummy, pushing it under Spencer’s neck. He didn’t falter. He stared you down without an ounce of fear. 
If anything, he relaxed, pushing his skin down the blade, drawing up blood. 
You scoffed, annoyed that the power play wasn’t working and he turned the tide with a breath. You threw that knife on the mat. 
"What the fuck do you want from me, Reid?" You asked. "Just one less thing to be guilty about? It took you a near death experience to fucking care about me, huh?"
"That's not what's happening." He reiterated, tone pushing against your hard one.
"What? You have a fucking type, Spencer, and it's only a matter of time before everyone who loves you either die for you or because of you! But guess what–"
"Do you think I don't know that?" He was angry now. With you. Again. This was good. This was familiar. 
"–this isn't about you," You continued like he didn't say anything. "And I don't want to see you right now.”
"Stop deflecting!” He said. “Say something fucking real for once!"
"I miss you! I miss my best friend! And I'm sorry that I'm not as smart as Blake or as great as Emily. I'm sorry I wasn't there for Foyet or Maeve!”
You both were breathing hard, and you cursed yourself for letting that slip. For letting your mask slip. Spencer tried to reach out, hold your arms, but you pulled away. 
“Daisy–”
You took a deep breath to calm yourself down. All it did was make you notice the tears on your face. “I've tried to make peace with the fact that I lost you, Spencer, but it's so hard because it feels paralyzing. But I get it, okay. I fucking get it. Hate me all you want if it makes you grieve for her better. But Spencer, how do you grieve someone who’s still here?”
Spencer paused at your familiar words and his heart lurhced. “So you jumped head first into danger because you think I hate you?”
Just like that, the fire in your chest was ignited once again. How dare he boiled down what happened to a suicidal mission bullshit? You scoffed. “It was part of my job. Anyone else in the team would've done it."
"But you’re not anyone else," he said. "You’re Y/N L/N, you’re Daisy. You’re smart and better than this."
"Christ," you swore. "Maybe I’m not, okay? Maybe I’m just an impostor and I don’t deserve to be in the team!"
"You do, you are the best of us!" He said. "But not when you're like this."
You knew that deep down, that you brought nothing to the table. Just plain stupidity and bravado. 
They still could solve cases without you. Still could go to bars and clubs without you. Somebody else would pick up their coffee or keep the caramel candy in stock. It didn't have to be you. 
You were expendable. Back when you were a child, your parents finally had a son they have always wanted. Back at the CIA, dying was a part of the job description. Even now, when the one person you care the most said that he didn't want you with his family, you knew. 
Didn't mean you liked hearing it out loud.
Spencer swallowed at the look on your face. Oops. Your walls crumbled in less than a minute. 
"Y/N–" Spencer started. “I –I didn't mean –I’m sorry, please–”
"Don't," You stopped him. You bent down and took your duffle bag over your shoulder. "I get it."
“Stop,” he pleaded. “Just stop, please, for once, stay with me.”
Those words stopped you on your track. 
Those words struck your heart like a fishing hook and yanked it around.
“I'm not a target for your guilty conscience, Spence.”
“But I am,” you felt him moving closer to you. He was behind you now, close, so close. “I am guilty. Not on Maeve but with you. You were gone, Daisy, for weeks–and you didn't come when I needed you–”
“Spencer–”
“–if you couldn't come for me, then what happened to you?” He continued. “I know Hall and Barnes resigned the moment you got here, while Wilkes didn't come back. And these–” he traced the round of your left shoulder, feeling the scars. His hands moved to your shoulder blades, following the jagged skin. You shivered. “Why do you insist on diving head first into danger while leaving me–us behind?”
You ran out of words as you tried to hold back your tears. Angela had covered this during multiple sessions, but you weren't ready to admit to her the truth.
“Because it's all I've ever known,” you whispered, pulling yourself away from his hands.
“It doesn’t have to be that way anymore. The team needs you–I need you, but we need you sound,” he said.
You turned to him, Spencer, who was so deep in his own grief he lost more than just sleep and an unsub. “That’s rich coming from you.”
“And I was wrong.”
“Then why are you so angry with me, Spencer?” you asked, defeated.
Spencer swallowed, his head hung in shame. The coldness in his chest spreads to the tip of his toes. “You were right. I needed someone to blame. It shouldn’t have been you but when you left it was like–”
“Like your dad,” you finished. 
Spencer curled his hand into a fist, refraining himself from reaching out for comfort. He wanted to touch you, pull you close to his chest. He wanted to feel your heartbeat, remind himself that you were there and alive and breathing.
“And you’re right, I was angry with myself and I’m so sorry,” Spencer finishes. “I need you to be okay, and I need you to trust me again. However long it takes, Daisy.”
With that, Spencer squeezed your arm and walked away, being the one to leave you there for once.
**
Spencer had been trying to make amends. 
There would be an iced oat matcha latte on your desk every morning, along with a blueberry muffin. You were ready to forgive him, but you held strong. A small part of your brain was scared of the betrayal and you hadn’t fully trust him again. There was also a small detail of Marlin Roy targeting Ron’s life, and you couldn’t take the chances with anyone from the BAU.
There was something harder about cases involving significant others of the members of this team. You had always hated it when it was personal, and so did Strauss, you supposed. So yeah, you weren't looking forward to an impromptu trip to New York without a Broadway ticket booked in advance.
The killer, however, used drugs as his weapon. You didn't like that one bit, especially since it showed that the killer was targeting an already-vulnerable marginalized population.
"Look at all these," Derek said, gesturing to the mess of the latest crime scene where six people clubbing were found dead. "Because of some drug."
"Tainted drugs," you countered. "Besides, it's not their fault. Did you guys not watch Rent?"
"Well, someone's defensive," he said with narrowed eyes. "Have you done it before?"
"What? Drugs in general or MDMA specifically?"
"There's a need for distinction?" He whistled slowly. "Mama, didn't know you were a bad girl. What is it? Ecstasy? Meth?"
"Oh, no, stimulants made me sleepy. Strictly weed and shrooms, baby!" As soon as you said that, Rossi, who was passing, stopped in front of you. He raised a questioning eyebrow. "That was a joke, for legal reasons. That was a joke.”
Rossi shook his head and started to walk away. "I don't want to know."
Hotch was worried, you could tell. He knew something the rest of you didn't, and you didn't figure it out until you actually came face to face with Sean Hotchner. The guy reeked of omitted truth and under the table transactions. Back in your CIA days, he'd be the perfect guy to manipulate first to make your way in.
Seeing Sean reminded you of your brother, but you didn't want to think about the look on his face when he realized that was simply a job hazard to you. You didn't want to think about him waiting for you at the hospital or getting into a fight with Emily before he got into it with you.
You were at a pizza parlor across the street from Cassie's Manhattan penthouse when the call about Strauss came in. 
It was a rare time that you and Cassie could meet up face to face.
"I don't know, Cass," you told her after she asked you what you were planning to do about Roy. “How's Valerie doing?
"She's still recovering," Cassie said, a sadness in her tone. “The doctor said it was because her body was too worn down to carry a baby.”
"I'm so sorry, Cass," you said, holding her hand across the table. 
"Yeah, so we know I'm the one who can carry the baby, the next time we try,” Cassie finished her milkshake. “Are you sure you don't want Valerie's help about Roy?”
“I'm sure,” you said with conviction. “Especially not after the attempt on Ron's life. I'd rather he stay away too, but he's stubborn.”
“Well, you know good ol’ Ronald,” Cassie shrugged. “Is that why you're resigning too? To protect them?”
“What I have to do–it’s the only way I can come back after.”
Before Cassie could protest, your phone lit up on the table, JJ was calling you. Your screen was also flooded by texts from Penelope, who was just sending three consecutive S.O.S.
"Oh, shit," you said, getting a bad feeling. "I gotta go.”
Cassie sent you off with a small smile. "Be safe, darling!"
After a hug goodbye, you answered JJ, and ran like hell to the metro station, cursing Strauss in your head.
When the case was deemed inactive, so did the order to call off your protection detail. You had argued with Strauss, of course, but JJ insisted it was going to be fine. So you didn't have anyone following you to New York. 
And so, you were chasing after The Replicator again.
You went straight to the conference room after shoving your go bag in your locker the moment the team got back to the headquarters. Tensions were running high, everyone was equally determined and scared. They didn't have a chance to mourn Strauss, and you still hadn't decided how to feel about her in general.
Penelope's system crashed, so it was like you were missing a limb. Information was slower than you'd like to have, so you were more agitated than usual. Impatience and urgency clawed at your chest, making it a little harder to breathe every passing hour.
You left to get some chamomile tea in the breakroom to deal with the headache. It wasn't until you were making your way back to the conference room that you noticed something on your desk.
A single stem of a common daisy taped to a book you didn't recognize. At least, not at first.
Then you remembered. A middle-grade book that you got when it first came out six years ago, because Cassie gave it as a gag gift. It looked so stupid, but the message wasn't. 
Everything started to run in your brain all at once. The flower, the book, the fact that it was left on your desk–you ran up to the conference room where everyone was theorizing.
“I know how to find the Replicator.”
You had a team to test the items for drugs and other substances, bringing them to the conference room once they stated the all clear. Your gloved hand flipped through the pages, where more daisy petals fell out and a bookmark that said Zugzwang.
"The book is by Ally Carter, first one of a series about a teenage girl who was training to be a spy," you explained. "My friend, Cassie, gave it to me as a joke."
"So it's his way of saying he knew you were CIA?" Derek speculated.
"Maybe it also speaks to what his opinion is about Y/N," Spencer said. "A little girl who doesn't deserve her place in the BAU."
Hearing those words came out of his mouth stung like hell, even though you knew it wasn’t meant maliciously, but Blake had the decency to look down in shame. 
“And after Romania, the DoD sent me for a psych eval, did a cognitive where I told the former agent what happened during the mission, including about the daisy,” you took a deep breath. “Bianca–one of the orphans gave me a daisy before she was killed in the attack,” you continued, wiping your palm on your sides as if to get rid of the blood coating it. “Since I didn't give the Daisy moniker to anyone else, either the guy was in that hall during that lecture or–”
“He has access to the psych eval report and notes,” Derek finished. “We checked everyone in that hall when we were looking for Y/N, so it's not the former.”
Blake leaned over. “Who did your cognitive?”
“Uh, Jason Gideon,” you answered, noting the surprised look on everyone's faces except for Hotch and Rossi, but especially Spencer. “But it's not him. The guy barely wanted to do the job in the first place. And there's only a handful of people with that kind of clearance.”
Hotch cleared his throat. “So it is an inside job.”
"Yeah, well, find the person who accessed my files, find the Replicator."
Opening the Bianca drawer made you overflow. The thick feeling of blood on your hands wasn’t going away. You were tired, and exhausted and you needed to get away. You excused yourself to get some air, the painful memory of Bianca triggered the drawers of everyone else you have gotten killed, suffocating your head.
The moon was big that night, and usually with the light and air pollution, you wouldn’t be able to see it. But you did, and your hand itches for a pencil or some paint, at the very least to cover it so you don't feel the blood anymore. You wished you could lay a blanket there, to stare at the moon and the stars until everything was okay again. You wanted to call Angela, but decided against it as it was still related to an active case.
When you got back, they found that the team's case in Seattle when you were in Vienna was also replicated. Blake left to get the files from the fax machine, and Derek went to Penelope, leaving you, Spencer, and JJ at the bullpen.
JJ picked up on your unease, exchanging a glance with Spencer. “I’ll get you a new chamomile.”
Rossi walked in, then, looking worse for wear. He ran straight to his office, and you knew he just made the difficult decision to continue working on the case instead of wallowing in his grief.
"Do you think he’s going to be okay?” Spencer asked.
You shrugged. “He will be after two fingers of ancient whiskey.”
“And you?”
You kicked your feet to spin on the office chair. “What?”
Spencer put his hand on the back of the chair to stop it from spinning, forcing you to look up at him. After what happened at the Bureau’s gym, he had been trying to get your attention and you had been trying to avoid him. 
“Will you be okay?” He asked. 
There were times when you wanted to call him, have him come over for a marathon or ice cream. Angela would say it was your pride, but she didn’t know the truth. She didn’t know that another homicidal maniac was after you and you couldn’t take the risk of putting him in danger. You were ready to make amends and be friends again with Spencer since the first time he got you an iced matcha latte. Before you said anything, though, Derek and Blake joined you, and you remained silent. 
"I need everybody in the conference room," Hotch commanded, before making his way there himself. 
He briefed the team on a list of names he scored from a contact at the DoD based on the profile and perimeter the team listed out. After Hotch gave you a list of names, he left with Derek to talk to Rossi.
"Just a question, do we have to do this legally?" You asked to the room.
"Yes," JJ said simply.
"So I can't–"
"Nope."
You frowned. "You don't even know what I'm going to say!"
"We are not getting anyone in the CIA in on this, under the books favors or not," JJ said pointedly at your frowning face. 
You pouted. "Fine."
Hotch came barrelling into the conference room five minutes later, face concerned.
"They're taking Rossi in the infirmary, he'd been drugged," Hotch informed. He turned to you, "You should go with him, report to me if anything changes."
"Aye, aye captain!"
You followed the paramedics guiding Rossi down with a stretcher, a line of saline hooked to his arm. His face and neck were covered in sweat, lips dry and pupils blown wide. 
"Oh, that's a bad trip, isn't it, old man?" You teased, looking at him who was holding his pounding head.
"You're being too loud," he grumbled. You laughed at him and said thank you to the medic. You took the water the medic left and opened it, which he gulped down eagerly. "Thanks."
"You should eat something, so it'll clear up faster," you extended the pre-packaged cold sandwich you managed to grab from the break room beforehand. "Trust me."
Rossi took half of the sandwich –cheese and turkey– and gave the other half to you. You took a bite. "Aaron told me about the daisy."
"Yeah, well," you swallowed, shrugging. "It wasn't in the initial report. No wonder you didn't know."
"I'm sorry," he said. "You had to go through all that, when you were so young."
"I'm sorry, too." You said. "About Strauss. I don't really know her, but I knew you two were close."
"I didn't want to put you in an awkward position," he admitted. 
You groaned. "Are you kidding? The team thought you and Hotch are my surrogate dads. I'm already in an awkward position."
"Aaron is more like the grumpy uncle," he joked. "But you're family, you know that, right? Anything you need, you can come to us."
Your mind immediately went to him. The BAU had resources you didn’t have, namely six competent, very smart profilers and a Penelope Garcia. Then again, you had Ron and Valerie and basically zero red tape. You didn’t know the extent of how far he will go and you’d like to find out for yourself before bringing in other people. 
"Right now, I need to get this son of a bitch," you said, finishing your sandwich. You really didn't want to question your place in the team in front of him. You stood up, stuffing the crumpled wrapping paper to your jacket pocket. "You coming, old man?"
And that was how you ended up driving like a maniac to rural Virginia with Penelope guiding you and Rossi strangely calm in the passenger seat.
Local PD was on sight, along with firetrucks and ambulances. You and Rossi passed the crashed helicopter, and you couldn’t help but hoped that Spencer was okay. After the lead detective briefed you on what he knew, you and Rossi came up with a plan. 
The two of you and a SWAT officer entered the house from the front. Immediately, you spotted the electrical wiring on the walls. You spotted one of the transformer boxes, and you called the officer over. 
“I need you to do exactly as I said back there,” you told him. “Then, I need you to wait at the entrance. Lead everyone back to the safe zone, do you copy?”
The officer nodded. “Copy.”
You split up with Rossi at one point, with you going straight to where the team was being held. Once Rossi reversed the mechanics of the door, you went inside with your gun raised and was greeted by another bunch of guns pointed at you. 
“Y/N,” Spencer said, breathing in relief. You lowered your gun when you made sure there were no other threats.
“Everyone okay?” You asked. They nodded in confirmation. You made your way to the pressure plate on the seat. With a skilled hand, you put the folded sandwich wrapping paper from your pocket to create a wedge between the springs, keeping it in a seated position for the door. You shouted. “It’s in place!”
You heard a thud, then Rossi walked through the sliding door calmly. He ordered, “We need to get out, now.”
“You heard him,” you pushed. “Go!”
However, instead of running towards the door, Spencer moved towards you. “Aren’t you coming with us?”
“I need to try to diffuse the bomb, Spence,” you told him. “We’re taking him alive, aren’t we?”
Spencer pushed his lips into a firm line. “Then I’m staying with you.”
You stood up, hand finding his arm, holding on tightly. If your calculations were correct, you’d be out of here in time. If not, you’d be toast along with Rossi and Curtis. But Rossi was fully confident in the plan, and you couldn’t pass up an opportunity for him to get his revenge. 
“I promise you,” you said to Spencer, looking into his eyes. “I will meet you out there. You have to trust me.”
It was JJ and Rossi who pulled him away. With one last look at you, the six of them left the trap room. 
Second phase. 
Sure enough, thirty seconds later, John Curtis entered his own trap. Surprised painted his features when he found you there, leaning against the doorframe, wrapping paper in your pocket, instead of Blake and the rest of the team.
“I always wondered why they fought tooth and nail to get you on board the BAU,” He taunted when he recognized you. “After all, you’re not that special.”
“Drop the gun” you started, nodding at the weapon at his hand. Crossing your knee over the other, you kept your own pointed at him, relaxed. The leather of your boots shone under the dim light. “I don’t need to be special, I just need to be better than you.”
He lowered his gun to the floor and kicked it towards the door. “You little–”
“Shit? Yeah, so predictable,” you said. “If it was up to me,  I would make sure my face was the last one you see before you rot in a far away gulag. But sadly, it’s really not up to me.”
“Hello, Curtis.” Rossi rounded the corner then, coming out of his hiding place. He took Curtis’s gun further out the door.
John Curtis recognized Rossi. More importantly, he recognized the fury and hatred in Rossi’s eyes. He knew what was coming for him, and in a desperate attempt to save his life, called out to you. “He's coming after you. After all of you! I can help!”
Rossi glanced at you in question, but you just shrugged at him. “A poor man’s attempt to save his own life.”
However, you knew what Curtis said made sense. If he was stalking the team, he would have seen what was going on with you and the Art Crimes division. He would've known or even made contact with your very own ghost. Too bad for him that you already had your way out.
Something shifted on Curtis’s eyes, he sat on the pressure plates. “You’d really die for them?”
“That’s the oath we all took to protect this country from people like you,” he answered. “No matter what.”
Curtis shook his head. “You never appreciated me, none of you! I gave you my life, and you rejected me, while you took a little girl off the streets and gave her what I deserved!”
“You could tell me your sob story while walking,” Rossi said, having no patience for Curtis’s evil spiel. 
Something pinged, and you knew that was the device Curtis used to monitor the bomb. You breathed out. This was the part where timing played an important role. The jammer you had that officer put on the transformer box gave you just enough time for this. From the start, you knew Rossi wasn’t planning on taking Curtis alive, but you had to give him the choice. 
“We’ll go out as heroes,” Curtis said as he stood up, closing the door. 
You exchanged a glance with Rossi. Smiling, you pushed yourself off the wall. “Yeah, well, we’re not so sure about that.”
The door slid open as you pushed it from behind Rossi. Strauss’s Alcoholic Anonymous coin jammed the locking mechanism, and you quietly promised her that you forgave her for saving your life in that house.
“Zugzwang,” Rossi taunted before stepping out the door. You let your hand go and didn’t stay long enough to watch Curtis’s face as he was locked in his own trap. 
Rossi ran in front of you, and when you counted to five, you tackled him to the grass as the place blew up into the air. Hot blast licked your skin, all consuming. You heard Hotch calling out for Rossi, and you heard Spencer calling out for you. 
Your ears rang because of the blast and after feeling the grass beneath your fingers, you couldn't really hear anything. You saw Hotch pulling Rossi up, moving his mouth and gesturing as best as he could towards you. The force of the blast knocked the wind out of you, and you felt your chest tightened.
A cough, then another one. It was like your lungs were trying to clean themselves.
“Y/N!” You heard faintly. Someone wrapped their arm around your shoulders, pulling you up. You turned your head only to find Derek.
“Come on, pretty girl,” you heard him say faintly. Your head was pounding, everything was too bright.
Then, you looked up. 
Spencer was not wearing his vest anymore. As you got closer, you realized he had a wild look on his face. His hand twitched, and you knew he wanted to hug you but was unsure of where you both stand on that.
So you ran up to him first. It was as if the smoke had lifted, the air cleared, your ears were working again, the moment his arms wrapped around you.
“I thought I lost you,” he said, voice breaking.
“I'm okay,” you assured him and yourself. “I'm okay.”
And there you were, at Rossi’s, laughing and nodding along the team as they mourned someone you didn't really know, as they celebrated her life. That night was about family, and you might not know Erin Strauss, but you knew your team. 
You knew Rossi and the blooming rose bush you planted in his backyard. You knew Hotch and Jack. You knew JJ and Henry. You knew Derek and his secret taste for designer shirts. You knew Blake and her newfound appreciation of you. You knew Spencer and his touch that didn't leave you that night.
And you knew that to keep this family together, you needed to leave.
So you made up your mind. And when you got home, you called Cassie.
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emilyprentissluvr · 18 hours
Text
How You Get the Girl (Emily Prentiss x Reader)
"And that's how it works. That's how you got the girl"
Summary: In which Derek and Hotch give you advice for your first date with Emily.
Warnings: None
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YOU STUDIED the chessboard in front of you, happily occupying your thoughts with the number of moves it would take to checkmate Gideon rather than your most recent case. If you played it right you would be able to take him down in five moves.
"Oh, I almost forgot. I have something for you." Gideon said, pulling your attention away from the board as he handed you a small, wrapped gift. "Forgot to give it to you at the party." He added as you took it from him.
"But you don't give birthday presents." You said as you looked down at the box and then back at him with a soft smile. He just nodded and gestured for you to open the gift, so you did.
You pulled the ribbon off and ripped the gift wrap before opening the box. When you looked inside you saw a sheet of paper with reservations to the nicest French restaurant in DC.
"Wow. Thank you." You smiled as you looked up at him. It was not what you were expecting but you were excited nonetheless.
"You're gonna love it," Gideon said with a rare smile.
"We are. You're coming with me right?" You asked.
"No. I hear someone else on the plane is a huge French food connoisseur." He answered.
"Who?" You questioned quietly.
"The only person that willingly watches those cheesy romance movies with you." He said with a chuckle which caused your eyes to widen. "Emily?" You questioned nervously as your fingers began to tap on the box.
It was no secret to anyone that you admired the brunette.
You were often caught staring at her which resulted in endless teasing from everyone else. The only problem was that you didn't know how Emily felt about you. Sure, she was flirty with you and very protective, but that was the case with everyone else. So it was safe to say you were in the dark about what the brunette felt for you.
"She spent the summers up there with her grandfather," Gideon said calmly, which was the complete opposite of what you were feeling at the moment, "Wh-what should I say?" You asked anxiously as your eyes darted from Gideon over to Emily, who was sitting in the window seat absorbed in her book.
When you looked back he just raised his eyebrows. You sighed, knowing that he wasn't going to help you. Gideon then gave you a small, encouraging nod, so you took a deep breath before standing up and walking towards Emily.
As soon as you sat down in the seat across from her, Emily looked up and closed her book, "Hey birthday girl," She said with a big smile. She had been calling you that even though your birthday was a couple of days ago. But you were in no rush to tell her to stop because, in all honesty, you loved the way her voice sounded when she said it.
"Hey," You said softly, matching her smile. "I- uh- wanted to ask you something.' You said nervously, as you rested your hands and the box on the table.
"Okay," Emily said softly she clasped her hands together on the table and leaned forward with an encouraging smile.
"I have reservations for that French restaurant downtown on Friday night. So, if you aren't busy I was wondering if you wanted to go with me? I mean, no pressure at all if you don't want to go but I just thought it would be nice and-" You rambled trying to avoid eye contact with Emily before the brunette spoke up, "Y/n!" She interrupted, causing your gaze to finally land on her.
"I would love to go with you." She smiled and your eyes lit up excitedly, "Really?!"
"It's a date." She chuckled.
"A date," You repeated, biting the inside of your check to try and hide your elation.
Emily reached across the table to give your hand a small squeeze that sent butterflies through your stomach.
"I'll pick you up at six?" You asked, trying to hide your nerves and surprise at the fact that she said yes.
"Sounds perfect." Emily smiled before removing her hand from yours and reaching for her book again. You couldn't help but bite your bottom lip to keep you from smiling as you turned your attention from Emily to the window. Although, if you had been looking, you would have noticed that Emily was more invested in watching you than the book in front of her.
●・○・●・○・●
It was Friday morning and you were tapping the kitchen counter waiting for your coffee to finish brewing. "There you are, lover girl!" Morgan said with a grin as he walked over to you. "You ready for your date tonight?" He asked, giving you a friendly bump on the shoulder as he stood next to you.
"Uh-huh," You said unconvincingly as you poured the coffee into your mug.
"What do you mean uh-huh? You've been following Prentiss around like a lost puppy for the last year and now you finally have your chance to win her over!" Derek asked raising an eyebrow.
"I don't know, I'm just..." You trailed off as you finished pouring your coffee. "Just what?" Derek asked confused.
"I want Emily to know how I feel about her." You said which only caused Derek to chuckle. "Trust me, she knows, you aren't exactly subtle."
You glared at him before stressing your concern, "But I'm not good at all the 'dating stuff'. I get nervous and don't know what to say," You continued with a sigh as you poured the coffee into your mug.
"Hold up! am I hearing this correctly?" Derek asked with a cheeky grin.
"Hearing what correctly?" You asked confused.
"Are you asking THE Derek Morgan for dating advice?" He said cockily as he pointed to himself dramatically.
"I- what?! No!" You spluttered.
"Ah ah, I think you were babygirl!" Derek said as he wrapped an arm around your shoulder teasingly. You were about to protest when you realized that maybe Derek could help, even if it was by a long shot, probably a very long shot.
"Okay fine," You muttered as you removed his arm from your shoulder, "But if you tell Emily, I swear to god I'll kill you."
"My lips are sealed." He said pretending to zip his lips closed. You rolled your eyes at his theatrics, "Alright, where do we begin?"
"Where do we begin what?" Your boss's voice said from behind you.
"I'm giving Y/l/n dating advice." Derek grinned and you sighed in embarrassment because once again your business was being aired out to the entire team.
"You're taking dating advice from him?" Hotch asked, only furthering the flush on your cheeks. "I- um." You started before Derek cut you off, "Of course she is! Who wouldn't want Derek Morgan's step-by-step guide on 'How You Get The Girl'?" He said cockily.
"Maybe you need to make a guide on How You Keep The Girl," Hotch said as he poured the coffee into his mug.
"Ouch, bossman," Derek said feigning pain while you laughed.
"I could give you some pointers, Y/n," Hotch said and you and Derek both looked at him in surprise.
"What? It's a slow day." Hotch said with a shrug. You knew the files on his desk would say otherwise but the fact that he was willing to help you despite being busy brought a smile to your lips. "Yeah, I would like that."
And that's how you found yourself sitting on Hotch's office couch while he and Derek stood in front of you, giving you pointers from the opposite ends of the spectrum.
"You don't need to rush anything, it'll come organically. Just enjoy yourself and don't put too much pressure on the night." Hotch said.
"Be bold. Women love that." Derek said.
"Just be yourself." Hotch added.
"You have to reel her in, but leave her hanging a little bit at the end so she'll come back on the next date wanting more." Derek said and your brain was starting to spin a little bit.
"Wait, so am I supposed to be bold or be myself? Because those two can't happen at the same time." You questioned.
"Be boldly yourself." Hotch said causing you to furrow your brows, "What does that even mean?"
Before anyone could answer the question you heard a knock on the door before Emily's head peaked through the door. "Hey, I hope I'm not interrupting but I have some casefiles," Emily said to Hotch as she walked in and looked at the three of you slightly confused. You immediately sat up straighter and Derek had to stifle a laugh.
"Hey, Emily." You said nervously. "We were just- um- you know..." You started, already mentally chastising yourself for your lack of words.
"We were just giving Y/l/n some pointers for her firearms requalification next week." Hotch said, easily lying and you let out a sigh of relief for his quick thinking.
"Uh huh." Emily said she put her files on Hotch's desk and immediately walked over to you on the couch. You could feel your heart rate pick up as she stood less than a foot away from you. "You know I could give you some pointers at the range this weekend. I find a hands-on approach usually works best for me." She said with a smile as she reached out to squeeze your shoulder.
"Yeah! I would like that." You said, probably way too quickly as you felt your cheeks go red at the thought of her doing a hands-on approach.
"Great, I'll see you later tonight. I'm excited" She said quietly as she used the hand that was on your shoulder to brush a stray piece of hair out of your face.
"Y-yeah me too." You stuttered which earned a small chuckle from the raven-haired women. She gave your shoulder another small squeeze before heading back to her desk.
"A Hands-on approach, huh? Can I join?" Derek teased, pulling you out of the trance that you were in.
"Shut up," You groaned as you fell back onto the couch, "Now back to the advice please."
Derek began to open his mouth but you held your hand up, "Preferably from the man who has years of marriage under his belt."
"You both wound me." Derek said as he mimed his heart being stabbed.
●・○・●・○・●
You blew out a deep breath as you stood in front of Emily's apartment door. Derek and Hotch's advice felt like they were moving a hundred miles per hour in your head. You tried to push them down as you knocked on the door.
Footsteps gradually got closer to the door before you heard the doorknob turn and were met by Emily's smile. You couldn't help but stare at her as she opened the door completely. "You look beautiful." You murmured as you admired the way her floor-length red dress clung to every curve perfectly. Her hair was curled and sat above her collar bones that were on display.
"And you look gorgeous." She said softly as she closed her door and grabbed onto your arm so you could lead her to the car. You had chosen to wear a suit to dinner, and you had never been more thankful for your intuition that you decided on a red corset underneath your blazer.
The car ride there was peaceful, chatting about work and other random things. That was one of the things you loved about Emily, even though she could turn you into a stuttering mess, she could also put you at ease better than anyone else ever could.
When you got to the restaurant you were shocked by how fancy it was. With your job you rarely had time to go out, especially not to somewhere like this. You both sat down but frowned as you opened the menu. "It's all in French." You stated with a small frown as you looked at words you didn't know the meanings of.
"Well, luckily for you, I'm fluent in French." Emily said with a wink and you decided that you truly never had been luckier.
After you both had ordered and almost lost consciousness at Emily speaking French, she reached over to grab your hand.
"Can I ask you a question?" She said.
"You just did, but you can ask me another one." You said with a teasing smile causing her to roll her eyes playfully.
"What were you doing with Hotch and Morgan, earlier?" She asked intrigued.
"Oh um, I thought we already told to you." You spluttered and the tiny hint of confidence you had two seconds ago was completely gone.
"You're a perfect shot, Y/n. If anything they need pointers from you." She chuckled and you just looked up at her, cheeks red from embarrassment.
"Well, the real reason is slightly humiliating." You muttered
"You could never humiliate yourself to me." Emily said with a small squeeze of her hand.
' I beg to differ' You thought.
You started to think back on Derek and Hotch's words from earlier, 'Be boldly yourself' was what Hotch said and you decided it was now or never.
"I really like you, Emily!" You blurted out and you saw Emily's smile grow so big her dimples were popping out. "Should I be offended that you think liking me is humiliating?" She asked.
"I- Oh my god! No! That's not what I meant-" You rushed out before Emily let out a deep laugh, "I'm kidding. Take a deep breath, honey."
The way the pet name easily fell from her lips almost made you forget what you were even talking about. Eventually, you were pulled back to your senses when you felt Emily gently playing with the rings on your finger.
"Promise me you won't laugh." You said seriously.
"I would promise you whatever you want." She smiled and if hearts could melt, yours would have in that moment.
"Well, Hotch and Derek were kind of giving me dating advice..." You said with a wince and watched as Emily fought off a smile.
"You said you wouldn't laugh!" You practically whined and Emily shook her head.
"I'm not laughing!" She said, "I just happen to find you so adorable I can't help but want to smile."
"You think I'm adorable?" You questioned, hardly believing that Emily could feel the same way you felt about her.
"I think you're a lot of things. And I happen to like all of them." Emily said with a smile so big her nose scrunched a little.
The rest of dinner couldn't have gone better. You couldn't remember the last time you had laughed or smiled this much. By the time you left the restaurant, you were both a little tipsy so you decided to take a walk in the park to sober up a little bit. It was spring time so the flowers were blooming and you two were surprisingly the only people out.
"Say something to me in French." You giggled as you clung to Emily's arm.
"Je n'ai jamais eu autant envie d'embrasser quelqu'un qu'en ce moment". Emily murmured as she looked at you.
"What does that mean?" You asked softly as you gazed up at her.
" I said 'I have never wanted to kiss someone more than I do right now.'" Emily repeated as she stopped walking so she could fully admire your features.
"What's stopping you?" You asked as you glanced down at her plush red lips.
You smiled as she pulled you closer, her soft hands cupping your cheek as your lips met. You could taste the champagne you both had from earlier and the smallest hint of her coconut chapstick as you deepened the kiss. You pulled her in by the waist, trying to get impossibly closer as you both smiled into the kiss. It was passionate, but soft, a kiss that took all of your worries off the weight of your shoulders.
Eventually, you pulled away with a smile on your lips. "You know," You started as you moved your hands from your waist and wrapped them lazily around her neck, "Derek said that I should leave you hanging a little bit so you'll come back on the next date wanting more." You smiled as she pressed a couple of quick kisses to your lip.
"Does this mean there's another date after this?" She asked as she wiped smudged lipstick off your bottom lip.
"Only if you speak French" You giggled as you admired the way her eyes shone in the moonlight.
"C'est un rendez-vous alors" (It's a date then). She said as she placed another kiss on your lips.
"I hope that was a yes." You murmured and Emily smiled, "Of course it was. How could I ever say no to you?"
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hannaloony · 2 days
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[Eng/Ukr]
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mrs-weasley-reid · 2 days
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Speed of Light
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bau!team x bau!reader
Summary: speed is one of the BAU team's special skills. Traveling from one state to another, one address to the next, catching unsubs in the blink of an eye. So when one of the members was put in danger, bau!reader didn't hesitate to prove that she belonged in the team.
Warnings: cursing
A/N: a short, silly draft I wrote a year ago :)
— ★ — ★— ★★★
"We'll be there," Spencer flipped his phone, turning to you and Derek with a horrified look.
Derek raised his brows, "What is it?"
Spencer gulped, "The unsub is Mary, and JJ's with her." He couldn't hide the worry in his voice.
You felt the same sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. You had to get there fast, or JJ would be in serious danger. None of you wanted that.
Derek was about to jump on the driver's seat when you stole the keys from his hand. "What are you doing? This is not the time to play games."
"I'll drive, hop in." You stated and claimed the seat, buckling yourself up.
Spencer said your name in panic, "We don't have time for this. We need to hurry!" He argued, all while hopping on the backseat.
You rolled your eyes. Men. You sighed in your head, starting the engine. It was ironic enough how they continued to complain yet still glued their asses on the leather seat of the SUV.
"Then buckle up and shut up. Derek, either you strap yourself on your seat or get out of the car. The clock is ticking." Your voice vibrated authority, which was rare, much less nonexistent in their vocabulary of your personality.
Derek didn't say anything but still reluctantly sat on the shotgun seat. He gave you the address, and as soon as his seatbelt clicked, you slammed the gas pedal.
Their bodies automatically hit the back of their seats. The speed of the black SUV you're in seemed impossible to reach. Its engine growled loudly.
You loved car racing, finding yourself on race tracks every time you had a chance. You loved the high, the thrill of speeding down the asphalt burning at the touch of your tires.
On the contrary, you never drove during cases, letting Derek or Emily or Dave or Hotch or JJ, basically everyone—Spencer was no exception—get a hold of the wheel. They never questioned it, more so, assumed that you were a horrible driver. And maybe your driving skills at the moment would only prove their assumption, but you paid no mind.
Spencer and Derek watched in fear as you earned angry honks from the poor patrons. You had the badge and gun to reason in case any of the civilians had the guts to block you.
You had one mission: get yourselves to JJ's aid, fast.
"W-watch, watch out!" Derek stammered in fear for his life. He had never experienced such speed before, feeling his skin stretched off to the back of his head.
Spencer fell silently dead in the backseat. His skin was pale, lips sealed from utter anxiety. He could feel his stomach dance into knots, mocking him. He gripped his seatbelt tightly, turning his knuckles white. He could've sworn his ass was holding onto his seat.
In a matter of seven minutes, which was supposed to be a normal thirty-minute drive, you parked the car with a screech.
You got out of the vehicle, fishing your gun from your holster. You made your way into position, unbothered by the 150 mph drive.
"What happened to you guys?" Emily hushed at the two gentlemen behind you.
Derek's eyes were watery, and Spencer's hair looked like he just emerged from a tornado.
"Our lives flashing before our eyes," Spencer exclaimed in horror. "You wouldn't know how it feels." He was staring into the distance as if he was watching some kind of horror film on the air.
"Sure," Emily shrugged, "Not like I faked my own death and had a funeral or anything."
Hotch was approaching when Derek and Spencer tiptoed away from Emily. "Did something happen?" He interrogates.
Emily only stared at the two with a weird look, "That's what I want to know too." And your small stature came into her sight, "I think she broke them... somehow."
Derek may have acted cool about the entire thing, but his stomach constantly shrunk, making him gag every three seconds. "I'm never going to complain about your driving," He whispered to Spencer as they settled themselves in position.
Spencer nodded and gulped the vomit he was holding in his throat, prompting Derek to do the same. "Yeah, yeah, me too."
And that day remained a mystery to the entire team... plus you were officially banned from driving.
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starch1ldz · 3 days
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Morgan: Well werewolf boy over here-
Wolfdog!y/n: For the last time, Agent Morgan, I and a wolfdog hybrid. Not a werewolf!
Morgan: I don't really see the difference.
Wolfdog!y/n: The difference is, werewolves don't exist. I was genetically engineered by scientists to be a weapon. Also, if I was a werewolf, I would have eaten you by now.
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keep-these-certain · 10 hours
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whoisspence · 1 day
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i've got this anxious feeling
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but it goes away for a minute when i'm with you breathing
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mickisnotclever · 3 days
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I feel like Morgan should have had more of a reaction to Gideon leaving.
Not as in a big, emotional explosion but... More.
After Gideon doesn't show up in In Name and Blood 3x02, Morgan goes from "What, no Hotch now no Gideon?!"
To then in Scared to Death 3x03 telling Hotch, "What's the matter with you, Hotch? ... Please tell me this isn't about Gideon leaving ... I hate to say it, but we're doing just fine without Gideon."
It was just one moment to the next, he suddenly doesn't give more than a single damn about him?
From the get-go, episode one, we already see him jokingly firing back quotes at Gideon after his random quoting while they're investigating.
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Showing us he's clearly comfortable having this kind of back and forth with him already.
Then the NEXT episode (only the second one!) Morgan runs INTO a burning building because he just knows Gideon is still in there trying to save the next target.
He has to physically drag Gideon out and away from the fire because he knows that man doesn't want to leave anyone behind.
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"Let it go! He's already dead!" Then softening, "Let it go..."
There are so many other instances that if I list them all, this post will end up miles long.
But we are shown so many moments where Morgan and Gideon have understandings of each other. And they joke with one another in their own sarcastic, dry ways.
Like in Distress 2x17 when they suspect the unsub is underground and Gideon hints that Morgan should go down the manhole, it prompts another of their banters.
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And they'll have actual serious moments where they say things to one another that have a lot of meaning.
One that stands out in particular is in Empty Planet 2x08, when Morgan will not leave the side of a Doctor who has a pressure activated bomb underneath her car seat. Even when Hotch orders him to step away!
And when Reid and Gideon hear about this happening while talking to the author of Empty Planet, Gideon becomes visibly distressed. She can't find anything of significance in their unsub's manifesto based around her book.
He pleads with her to read it again because "A young man I greatly respect and admire is putting his life on the line"
Later on when Morgan quotes this back at Gideon, word for word by the way, Gideon looks to Reid with an expression like "You told him?" because he these guys cannot ever simply SAY important things to one another.
But once he sees how Morgan is in disbelief that he really said it, Gideon confirms it in a very Gideon way.
"What he said I said? I said." Because he sees that Morgan needs to hear it.
Then the HUGE GRIN Morgan gets at this!!! He looks happier than we've ever seen him receiving a compliment!
Then to cut to not very long later in 3x03 where Morgan just goes "Well, we're doing fine without him, Hotch."
They focused much more on Reid's reaction. And even Hotch got his own little speech about it. Hell, even Emily who had just met Gideon not too long ago seemed to be feeling his depature a lot internally.
But for Morgan, it really felt like he just took it in stride a little too easily given their relationship.
I don't know. I'm not even sure where I'm going with this. I just wish we saw Morgan having more of a reaction to a man he clearly had a lot of respect for, a man whose praise and compliments had him BEAMING, just up and vanish from their lives suddenly.
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marril96 · 3 days
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Criminal Minds 7.09 | Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
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Morse Code....
Emily: **taps table**
Spencer: **taps table**
Emily: **taps table**
Spencer: **aggressively taps table*
Emily: YOU TAKE THAT BACK-
Morgan: What are they doing?
JJ: Morse Code. Don't mind them
Spencer and Emily: **taps table**
JJ: Oh, yeah? Well- **violently bangs fist on table repeatedly**
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augustreids · 19 hours
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I’m a feminist obviously…
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angellsell · 2 days
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I saw this on twitter and it hurts ELLE COME HOME WE MISS YOU
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