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multifandommilfs · 5 months

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Better than The Notebook

Pairing: Emily Prentiss x reader

Wc: 2570

Summary: the tension builds until it breaks

A/n: guess who finally got into the Criminal Minds fandom and got obsessed with Emily Prentiss?Unestablished relationships really aren't one of my strengths but I'm hoping to change that,enjoy! :))

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Gif by @penelope-garcia –––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

"Are you okay with this?" Hotch queried from the entrance of the changing room. It was a club mission. All you had to do was walk in there, lure the Unsub out and book it before he could smash your head in. No pressure.

"Whatever it takes to catch this sicko." You swung open the locker and the sight immediately made you regret your words. It was a low-cut, high-hem dress. The last time you wore anything this revealing was never. Your unamusement was furthered when your eyes landed on the dramatic curve of the waistline. The whole thing was a stark contrast to your daily FBI wear. "Whoever chose this is such a misogynist. This is literally a corset in itself." You lament, pulling the dress out from the locker to share your misery. You knew he didn't pick your poison.

His lips flattened into a thin strip, a frown cutting between his brows, equally displeased with the ostentatious outfit. "It was Emily's pick. I'll get JJ to switch it out." He turned, heading for the door. Your heart leapt at the mention of her name. Did he say it right? You're holding what Emily likes in your hands. It would be a ruined chance if you didn't take it.

"Wait wait, Hotch, I think I'll keep it." His hand left the door handle as he pivoted to face you, expecting an elaboration.

"It's unnecessary to bother anyone." You winced at your lousy lie. The questioning look on his face was made apparent by his frown digging deeper.

"You're not bothering anyone." He reassured.

"Yeah I know but Emily has a great sense in fashion, there's a high probability that the Unsub would like it."

He sent you that sideways interrogative glare and quirked his brow at the way you pulled the dress into your midriff, like it suddenly meant a lot to you. Adding to the fact that your mind changed after he mentioned Emily, it didn't take a cupid to put two and two together.

The pinch between his brows released, mirth filling his irises. "Alright, but if-"

"-I'm uncomfortable I will switch the dress out. I swear!" The corners of his lips rose for just a second and you would've missed it if you had blinked.

"Oh and could you get JJ in here please? I have a feeling I'm going to need her help getting into this." You turned the outfit backward to expose the tucked-in zipper that ran too low from your shoulder blades. You weren't in the mood to sprain something.

Another nod and he was out the door. You stripped as quickly as possible, getting into the skin-tight dress with slight difficulty, hating the way you wanted to impress Emily by putting yourself through this torture.

The door to the room clicked open as you secured the dress on your body. You hadn't bothered to check who it was because it must've been JJ.

You knew you were wrong when you heard the diction you've learnt to memorise. "Oh I knew I picked the right dress! You look absolutely de-lish in this."

It wasn't JJ, it was Emily. The shriek that escaped you as you startled and stumbled didn't help your balance as you slammed sideways into the locker, the reverberation clanging throughout the room.

"Are you okay?" But she was laughing that free, untamed laughter that made you swoon and grin on the grimy floor, forgetting about the possible bruise.

"Where's JJ!" You tugged up the sleeves that fell off your shoulders, careful not to fray the fabric as Emily approached in quick strides, laughter still bubbling up the length of her throat.

"What? We're basically the same person." She stretched out a hand that you took without a second's break. You couldn't latch on to what she said when her palm pillowed yours with a warmth that made your heart race a little as she hauled you up, the muscles in her arm tensing.

You were lucky the locker behind you served as a reliable pillar for your knees were almost limp when her scent encased you whole, your eyes instinctively flitting close for a beat too long, snatching that whiff of her that caused your fingertips to jitter.

Your breathing shallowed out the moment you opened your eyes. And what you saw couldn't help quell the heat that blotched up your cheeks. She was just a breadth away from you, the curled ends of her hair tickling your cheek, but you could only focus on how the shadow cast from the lights above made it so her lips were deeper in red. It was utterly tempting.

You were closing the space, your gaze fixated, hypnotized. Your movement was so slow it was hardly perceptible, the murky hesitance within your irises morphing into something more intimate. Your lips parted as she damped hers, she was unable to move with the intensity and tenderness simultaneously existing in your gaze.

You were just a desperate breath away when she must've tightened her grip too much on your hand in turn for losing her ability to breathe. Just like that, the reverie shattered into splintering pieces. You backtracked, eyes wide, the fervour dissipating in a stunned blink. Her eyes that flicked up to yours averted themselves to the ground in a sadness you couldn't place once you released your grip on her hand, your hand falling limp to your side.

It took a ladened moment during which you swallowed a knot in your throat and her heart dropped so far below. Both of you contemplating whether to out the elephant in the room but at the same time too scared to address it because it was just too bold a move from amicability.

"Let me just- get something." You managed; she pulled her body away from yours like it was ladened. You rationalised it to be the jet lag, definitely not the hesitance of leaving you. That was your mind playing games.

Your feet were fast to the locker from where you pulled the dress, and once you were obscured from her view by the metal door, you released the breath that had you in a chokehold, your mind replaying the closeness again, again, again, your senses fetching her scent up, her laughter, the glee in her eyes when she laughed and the way she parted from you as if she'd been in a daze like you were.

"Hey, you okay?" You whipped around at her voice to see her eyeing your shoulder which took the brunt of your fall.

"Yea- yeah. Honestly I would be better if you didn't choose this dress." You were glad for the smile that split her lips at your sarcasm, ignorance lifting the tension immediately.

"You love my fashion taste." She squinted her eyes at you. A taut smile was your response, but the quietness brought out a strain in the atmosphere. It was awkward enough for you to readjust your stance, swallowing.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night." You forced out, whirling back to the locker to search for the accessories you already knew weren't there. It was you buying time to escape her gaze. It held some kind of encompassing gaiety, some glee in them despite everything they'd seen in this brutal line of work. It was one of the things that took upon your heartstrings and you didn't need any more of that right now. Especially in this locker room, alone with her, after that closeness. She cleared her throat.

"Let me help you with your zip." Oh yeah, you had completely forgotten about that.

She approached from behind as you shuffled on their feet, trying to quell your heart racing in your chest. The fact that you were starting to sweat in the suffocating dress didn't help your case. You really needed to stay calm before-

Her fingers clasped around your waist and she caught the half-shudder that you tried to suppress, but what was hope now that you were already questioning your friendship?

The swoop of the zip signalled your completed outfit. Yet she lingered, her hand splayed on the lower part of your back, another ghosting over the hair on your neck.

You turned back this time, adamantly dismissing another shiver that ran up your spine. And she thought you might just pounce and grab her into a god-fearing kiss like the one in The Notebook. The rain would be her happy tears as long as you were the one holding her.

But instead your gaze glazed with a kind of regret that she ignored; the tension didn't need any more adding. So just like that, you stepped out of her grasp muttering a thanks and slid on your previously haphazardly placed heels.

______

In less than a moment you were striding into the raucous club with a façade of coolness and all confidence with your head angled high while Emily returned to the SUV outside. She wished the floor would give way with each step she took. Mind thinking about the next conversation between the two of you, or the lack of it and she felt a simmering fury that licked her heart, searing her bones. She wanted to linger in it for ruining a chance like that, to let it blaze away the hollow in her chest.

The team noticed her lack of flirtatious jokes, the internal ruckus that was just threatening to boil over every moment even though she kept a smile on her face. They certainly noticed how she seemed to sink into a reverie whenever you appeared on screen, toying with the Unsub. They concluded it to be the jealousy kicking in, spurring on suggestive glances among themselves.

_____

The mission was a knock-out success. He took your bait and almost smashed you with a brick before the team ambushed him.

Emily watched you at the corner of her eye, standing a suitable distance away from the writhing Unsub, arms around your midriff in that damn dress that hugged your figure. A gust of wind blew towards you, billowing your hair as the neon club lights decorated your complexion like everything in the world was pointing Emily to you in that ethereal glow. She ducked her eyes when you glanced over. She missed the way your gaze lingered on her until she slipped back into the SUV.

It was only then that you noticed Hotch beside you. He gave you a sorrowful look, but perhaps you misinterpreted it with your woeful heart because that man was supposedly incapable of any emotions aside from that frown.

________

What were the odds of the jet needing a monthly inspection the day you got into this push-and-pull dynamic with Emily? Because not only do you and your team have to take a commercial flight, but that said flight was crammed with vacationers, leaving limited space for the team and your duffel bags.

"Oh my god what are the chances of people flying to Virginia at 4 in the goddamn morning?" You grumble, but before Reid could even sneak in a statistic, you whipped over to him. "That was a rhetorical question staticReid." It garnered the team's sympathetic laughter as Reid pulled his lips in annoyance.

And when you were left with Emily in a two-row seat, you knew this wasn't only your bad luck at play. It was Morgan's turn to play matchmaker and the way he shimmied his brows suggestively made you want to shove two middle fingers in his face. He was lucky you were too emotionally exhausted to do that. Instead you rolled your eyes and slumped in your seat, body burning with an emotion you couldn't place.

Emily dozed before the flight took off, an easy task when darkness enclosed most of the plane, save for the dim lights that provided little visibility. You couldn't complain as it rescued you from any tension.

You could still feel the phantom tickle when the ends of her hair brushed your skin. You dug the hilt of your palms against your eyes in hopes of pushing down the memory. You should've just yanked her in then instead of taking the fool's way out.

It was thirty minutes into the flight, your eyelids were ladened, but the middle-aged man snoring behind you was a lull to sleep, and the toddler shrieking every two minutes in front of you was a hindrance to slumber.

The moment you let your lids shut, a heavy weight fell upon your shoulder and you slapped a hand over your mouth in time to stifle a yelp. The warmth that encompassed your body once you felt the fluff of Emily's hair against your neck where your collar ended made slumber slip away from your grip instantly. Her touch had been everything you craved ever since the locker room.

You were robbed of air when she snuggled further into you, perhaps for your exuding warmth because the little air conditioner that blew above you was freezing the consciousness off of you, but now you were more awake than ever with 3 hours left of the flight.

The tenderness of it all brought out a sudden intrusive urge in you to just push her hair from her face. And perhaps it was the afterglow from the over the top exhaustion that made your mind a fuzz for consequences, or your bleary gaze that seemed to affect your memory, but Courage peered up in your chest and made it impossible to wave away the impulse that pushed your arm out of your space and into hers.

With a gentle finger, you tucked loose strands of her hair behind her ear, unveiling, too intimate. But you didn't allow yourself to think about it when the pad of your finger grazed the smooth of her cheek until you were a lump in your seat. Heart wild as a smile stretched across your lips involuntarily, you couldn't calm it down if you wanted.

Your gaze was soft as it traced her features, and you let your mind wander, her cheek smushed on your shoulder, tender, domestic, all but delusional. You smiled nevertheless, exhaustion clogging up your coherence.

And that smile must've been the key to your manifestation, to your yearning, because she roused awake, lifting her head off your shoulder, her hair tickling your collarbone. Through the drowsy haze of her eyes, she looked up at you past her lashes, and again, so, so close.

And you knew better than to forsake it this time. You surged over the armrest without warning, unbuckling the strain of the seatbelt with dexterity, and captured her lips softly, your fingers holding her chin before it slid to her jaw, tentatively.

When she kissed you back with equal ardour, hands flying to your cheek, body slumping towards you. The white that burst behind your lids was immediate, fervent, and made you cross the armrest in a blur, pulling yourself into her lap.

She tugged you impossibly closer to her, famished for more, deprived of too much. There was no amount of greed that would satiate her now that she'd tasted.

And when you parted, lungs heaving for air, you were all smiles and flushes on cheeks within the dark of the airplane, only a glow of yellow light pouring from the miniature bulb above the both of you.

It was far better than The Notebook.

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#criminal minds #criminal minds fic #emily prentiss #emily prentiss x reader #emily prentiss x female reader #emily prentiss fic #aaron hotchner #jennifer jereau #aaron hotchner x reader #derek morgan #derek morgan x reader #Spencer Reid #spencer reid x reader #bau x reader

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estro-gem · 6 months

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Jax x Ragatha: The snake and the water spring

The Amazing Digital Circus AU: Oasis.

Author's note: I found this show by chance and I took a great liking to it! So now I did a thing, instead of studying for upcoming exams, because I love making things difficult for myself, apparently.

I have no idea what the fandom is like, but I'm playing it safe just to be... well... safe. I just loved the concept of this show so much that I couldn't help but be inspired by it! It got me thinking and I let it all out in this... thing.

I want to write more one-shot fics about the other characters and how they fit into this au too, but I don't know when I'll be able to.

WARNING! None of these characters are mine and everything mentioned and described is purely made-up fiction; inspired by works that are not my own. Nothing should be considered canon or taken seriously - we are all here to have some harmless fun! No age restrictions. I think this might be appropriate for all ages...?

Please show some love and support for Gooseworx; the creator of The Amazing Digital Circus!

I definitely butchered Gooseworx's characters by adding unnecessary 'relationship dynamics' and deviating from their original personalities. I promise that the actual show and characters are so much better than they are in my false portrayal of them.

SUMMARY:

A fanmade take on the events following Pomni's arrival and after the crew had dinner together. This is focused on Jax's point of view, but still written in the third person.

Jax confronts Ragatha after the pilot episode's 'dinner' and does his best to comfort her in a way that works for them. That's it.

Please enjoy!

THE SNAKE AND THE WATER SPRING

Jax was a desert snake.

Nothing but a cold-blooded pest that lived to find his next meal.

When one is left to die under the scorching sun, you can’t stomp on the sun for creating a desert, but you could stomp on the desert snake if it added to the pain of surviving in said desert. The Digital Realm was nothing but a desert sun – a cage with no exit and an evil with no target.

It was no secret why so many had lost their minds here.

Jax took on the role of being the snake. It was never announced or planned, but it was deemed necessary by all who came to know the realm. The inhabitants of The Amazing Digital Circus craved any sense of control; something they could hold accountable for their torment – something they could punish. A menace, parasite.

Evil with a target: Jax.

It was fun to act out while everybody went about their lives. He could unapologetically be the worst being known to man and thrive on the rage and hatred of all he had affected. If they hated him, he was fulfilling his role perfectly… and that meant they could stay sane and do their parts as he did his. Less people would be lost to insanity… and the group would grow stronger.

Everyone had a role in their system – an oasis was established, with Ragatha as the heart of the oasis; their very own water spring.

But when a new invading creature bursts into the oasis with no knowledge of this system, their system would be doomed. Pomni happened to be that invader. Everyone could collectively, yet silently agree that she was acting by her own careless devices since she arrived a few hours ago. She greedily soaked up their water source and left it barren, dry, and suffering.

Granted, Pomni didn’t know how their oasis worked, but it didn’t change the fact that she disrupted everything by showing up. She would have to catch on quickly and prove herself useful, before anyone else loses their minds.

They lost one of their own already… and they almost lost their beloved Ragatha; Jax’s equal and opposite.

Their precious water source.

Snakes offered venom, while water springs offered hope of life. They all desperately needed Ragatha to survive. While most would assume her to be fine after being fixed by Caine, Jax knew better than that. He saw her reluctantly stand aside Pomni to support her – beautifully acting within her role as she always would, but it was clear that Pomni still didn’t understand how scarce the water was by then. Rags was spread thin enough by handling the extra stress and enduring the continuous pain of being corrupted by the abstraction, but that didn’t stop Pomni from practically having a mental breakdown at the dinner table.

Jax saw that coming from a mile away. Thank goodness he silently took the open seat next to Pomni, silent in his insistence that the ragdoll should keep her distance for the time being. He’d give anything to destroy the little jester for abusing his doll. Ragatha was acting perfectly normal at the time – her masked smile perfectly set on her face – until it was time for them all to retire to their respective bedrooms.

Jax wished that he would’ve just dragged her after him when he booked it from the abstraction earlier today. Pomni would have been the perfect distraction for them to escape and get Caine.

He stood at Ragatha’s door after dinner.

Jax made a point to ring the doorbell this time. Usually, he’d just pluck out a key and saunter in like he owns the place, but with what happened today, he’d make an exception. Everyone has their limit – and someone has already reached their limit today. They couldn’t risk losing another one. Especially not Raggs. They all really needed her.

When she didn’t open, he tried the bell again. Nothing.

Well, time for the key, then.

He shoved his hand down his front pocket and fished out the doll’s room key. The bunny didn’t waste time opening the door. He wanted to see what state the girl was in, despite dreading the possibility of finding an abstracted amalgamation on the other side.

Silence.

Not even a creak was heard from the hallway. The room was lit up as it usually was, so that was a good sign, at least. Jax couldn’t see an obvious black body of eyes – another win. But where was Ragatha? He did see her walk into her room, so she had to be here.

He walked around, keeping his cool, casual composure fixed, despite no one being around. It was effortless at this point. It became a way for him to focus on what he could control in this crazy digital prison; himself.

He couldn’t, however, control his ability to spot a blasted ragdoll, it would seem. He scanned the room again, until his eyes fell on her ¾ bed. Could she-?

The bunny rolled his eyes at himself as he lowered himself onto his knees – maybe he could convince himself that he was not phased by the situation. Bending down, he peered beneath the bed frame.

Jax sighed in exasperation. Or was it relief? Both?

Ragatha was in the state she was in before retiring to her room. No gliching, no extra eyes.

Just Raggs.

She didn’t look good, though. The doll was curled up beneath her bed and blindly staring ahead of her. It didn’t look like she was breathing – not that they needed to anyway, but it was uncanny to see Rags like this. She was their voice of reason. She was a water spring in this desert.

If she dried up, their desert would be doomed.

Jax silently stood up and walked back to the open door again. No need to make a fuss over this. He took hold of the door handle and shut it from the inside. Key in hand, he locked the door and nodded to himself. Ragatha needed a raincloud… and he’d have to fill that role now. It’s the least he could do after leaving her to fend for herself when they found the abstraction today.

Why didn’t she run with him? Why did think she could fix someone whose mind was broken beyond repair? Why didn’t she just leave the rookie as bait?

Because that just wasn’t her role, was it?

If it weren’t for her nature – her role – none of them would have made it this far. It dawned on Jax, once again, how close they were to losing their beloved doll. How close they were to being stuck with an invader who knew nothing about what it took to survive in this hell hole.

Enough.

Back to the bed, crouched down and silent Jax positioned himself to lay down and simply look over the red head from a relative distance. There was enough space for the doll to crawl out of hiding without having to touch him. The bunny still hadn’t said a word. It’d be stupid to talk, and he didn’t feel like making the effort. He just wanted things back to normal again – well… as normal as it could have been.

Now Kaufmo is gone, a new creature was invading their home, tearing it up from the roots and tipping the delicate scales of the balance they worked very hard on creating. All because of a lunatic ringmaster having the bright idea of creating a fake exit-door. Someone better get that jester on a tight leash to get her to fall in line, like the rest of them were forced to.

He knew he, for one, wouldn’t mind roughing her up a bit. It was his specialty – his role. The parasite. The menace. The instigator.

Evil with an actual target.

The sound of shifting and movement had Jax blink out of his own head. Ragatha was slowly and dumbly making her way out from under her bed. Her eyes were still fogged over and her face still eerily blank, but at least she came out of hiding out of her own will. In a matter of seconds, the doll was out from her hiding place and settled on the floor beside Jax. She was staring him in the eyes now, waiting for the bunny, silently pleading.

Jax hadn’t had his aloof-douchebag persona engaged since he locked Ragatha’s door. She didn’t need a menace now – she needed to be grounded; revitalized. She needed a dark raincloud to fill up the water spring they all needed.

He didn’t look forward to what needed to be done, but he wouldn’t allow anyone else to do it.

He moved to stand up and held out a hand to help her up. He took note of the way her hand was shaking when she took his and gently guided her to the bed. The red head was the first to sit, then moved to lay down on her back and numbly stare at the ceiling. With a deep breath, Jax gathered himself mentally and cautiously crept onto the bed and positioned himself to briefly hover over her, before lowering his full weight onto Ragatha.

He had his head in the crook of her neck, on the left shoulder with his ears folding back to floppily droop to his upper back… with his left hand resting on the opposite shoulder. His body, although slim, enveloped hers and caused her to sink slightly into the mattress. His legs just loosely laid over and aside the ragdoll’s. It was more important to have his weight resting on her torso anyway.

For a long moment, they just motionlessly laid on the bed like this. To an outsider, it would look like they fell asleep atop each other or simply cuddled together very closely.

An outsider wouldn’t see that Jax was focused on the slow process of Ragatha’s body relaxing under his weight and her breathing slowing to a regular rhythm. An outsider wouldn’t have known that this was hardly the first time they’d done this – how long it took Jax to learn that this make-shift deep-pressure therapy was the most effective grounding technique for Ragatha to collect herself again.

They wouldn’t understand that Jax didn’t do this out of wanting to, but rather out of necessity.

Jax didn’t like to be touched. If anything, he was very capable of merely tolerating it. Everyone in the circus knew that he was touch-averse; some even used that as leverage to mess with him if the situation called for it. It was a necessity that he endured to keep his doll sane – to keep anyone of importance here in the circus, sane. Their whole lives revolved around mental strength. It was all just a matter of staying sane.

The laid there for what felt like a lifetime.

Slight shifting beside Jax alerted him that the doll was moving her arms – previously stiffly pinned to her sides. This was good, she felt comfortable enough to move around now!

Her left hand gently snaked up to the bunny’s head and slowly, softly petted his ears in a longitude motion. Her right hand wrapped loosely around his middle-to-lower back – motionless. This was bad, Jax did not like being touched like that!

While he was fine with the rhythmic touches of Ragatha’s left hand, he despised the idle position of the right hand resting on his back. He couldn’t prevent himself from tensing up in discomfort.

Bad touch, bad touch, bad-

This caused the ragdoll to tense up and rip her hands off him as if he burned her.

Oh no you don’t! We are not starting all over again.

He slowly pulls away and propped up unto his elbows, hearing Ragatha’s breathing pick up as she presumably spirals into her own thoughts on how he was going to leave her like this. Jax cast down a disapproving look. He broke his gaze to unceremoniously take her right hand – now clutched close to her chest – and intertwined their fingers, before resting his head on her left shoulder once again. He close eyes as he use his free hand to put her left hand on his head again, waiting for her to resume her petting.

Good touch; this was a good touch. Please understand.

Thankfully, Ragatha relaxed… and continued her previous slow, rhythmic motions. Slowly, Jax felt her relax once again and he indulged into her need for touch by stroking his thumb over hers occasionally.

Soon they fell into a rhythm; Ragatha would pet Jax’s ears 3 times, then it was his turn to stroke his thumb over hers. Then they would repeat the routine. This also helped Jax cope with the touching; the routine. The rhythm.

It felt like hours ticked by as the two just practiced their little unspoken routine. Jax grew used to it after a while, almost forgetting that his new mattress was now a sentient ragdoll and completely tuned into their rhythm of touches.

Pet… pet… pet… thumb. Pet… pet… pet… thumb.

Jax didn’t like touch, but he loved routine.

The doll and the bunny’s time together, once nothing but grounding techniques, grew to become an intimate exchange of touches and caresses – all wrapped in a routine, like a dance. Jax felt warm and fuzzy inside; for once he basked in the moment of enjoying his dolly. He lazily wondered if Ragatha felt the same. He shifted his head to look at her.

The doll looked down to meet his eyes when she felt him move. He could swear that she looked at peace, basking in the bliss of their closeness. For some reason, she looked like an angel. They all saw her as their angel. Had he successfully pinned a heavenly body beneath him?

Her gentle, longing gaze made a kaleidoscope of butterflies erupt from his core.

This wasn’t the first time this feeling invaded his being when they did this – as rare as these moments were. He wasn’t sure when he started experiencing such feelings during these rare encounters, but as months crawled by, he felt drawn to his dolly more and more. Based on how she looked at him, he could only assume that she felt it too.

Something so foreign, yet so familiar.

He didn’t fail to spot the warmth rushing to her cheeks when their eyes met. She looked so ethereal beneath him, especially when her breathing picked up under his firm gaze. Her lips were parted, and her eyes were lidded. This time, it wasn’t fear or overstimulation. It was anticipation. It was desire.

Jax internally flinched at the tingly sensation when he smoothly burrowed his face into Ragatha’s neck. She shivered at the breath he let out against her skin. He could tolerate the touching a little longer, as long as he could see her crumble again. He wanted to see her walls crumble again.

“Jax- ”

Oh… he had to hear her again. More clearly, next time. This was torture, but she made him into her own personal masochist. His skin crawled at the sensation of her skin shivering against him, but he needed more. He could take it. Just a little longer – he just had to stand these sensations a little longer. He looked at her again.

Ragatha was reverting to a helpless puddle. The doll’s arms were gripping at the covers beneath her, successfully eliminating the bother of excessive contact that he despised. Jax didn’t know if she did it with that intension or without thinking, but either way, he was thankful. He really wanted more.

Why couldn’t he just be normal?

He lifted onto his elbows again and – dare one say – lovingly looked at her face. She could only peek back at him, breathing slightly faster than usual. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her shaky hand rise from the covers and hover next to his cheek, while her eyes pleaded for his mercy. He hesitated but bit the bullet to comply; leaning into her touch while desperately trying to ignore the odd tingles. Jax convinced himself to kiss her wrist and drowned himself in the pleasure of hearing her softly call his name.

He only heard it because he was listening so closely for it.

Yes.

DING DONG

In a flash, Jax braced himself up into a crouch and slammed his foot down with a mighty THUMP upon hearing Ragatha startle into a fit when the doorbell chimed. His hair on his back stood on end and his claws ripped through his gloves, leaving gouges in the covers beside the doll’s head.

His precious doll was disturbed again!

He heard her soft cry of fear and his blood boiled with a thirst for vengeance. Only he can make her cry out. He’ll skin the soul that dared to-

“Ragatha…? Can we talk?”

That DAMN jester!

“Jax?” a quiet voice trembled in his ear from beneath him. Jax stopped glaring at the door to softly glance down and see what his little doll wanted.

“Don’t…” Raggs sounded like she was begging while being held at gunpoint, whispering despite their rooms being enchanted to not hear anything from the outside when the door is shut.

Jax wouldn’t dare let that thing inside. Raggs was upset enough as it is.

“Look, I know it probably wouldn’t make a difference…” Pomni’s voice came from the other side door again, “…but I’m so sorry for running off… Again… I saw that exit and I had to see if it was real. No one else believed me and I started to think that I was losing my mind. You understand that, right?”

Jax placed both his hands down on the mattress, blocking the doll’s view of the door as if it could block the sound of the voice from reaching the Raggs’s ears, still hovering over her. He knew that his dolly didn’t want to hear anything the harlequin had to say now – he had half the mind to get up and bash the newbie’s head in.

“I hope we can talk about this some time. You are probably tired after such a long, crazy day.” Pomni’s voice died down near the end, “It feels like you’re the only good person here.”

She really is, but she’s too good for you. Selfish leech.

Jax looks down to the girl, still stiff as a board beneath him. Her eye was shiny with the swell of tears. He melted at the sight – anger simmering down. She was just a sweet little rag dolly, she didn’t deserve any of this, but oh, he was so happy to see Ragatha finally emote something again. She was OK again. Their water source was filled once again, now threatening to spill over. He’d happily welcome the flood.

He needed her.

The sound of fading footsteps causes Jax to rip his eyes to the direction of the door. His hearing was better than the dolls, probably thanks to being a rabbit.

Good riddance.

Ragatha seemed to relax at the sight of Jax deflating his stance, reading that Pomni probably left her door. She hesitantly reached up to cup Jax’s cheek. Jax followed her hand’s motion and scoffed, cringing at the invasion. He’s had enough touching for a week. It sucked to leave his doll so soon after being distressed again, but he couldn’t bring himself stand any more of this. He quickly got up and smoothed out his clothes, but not without missing the flash of hurt in the doll’s eyes. He felt bad, but he had to be strong with the new girl around, so straining himself now would only make matters worse and mess up the whole system.

Still, seemingly bored, Jax stood in his spot while rocking on his heels and looking off to the side, only sparing her a glance. Raggs sat up by then. She looked a little worse for wear, but it’s an improvement from hiding under her bed. She rested her elbows on her knees with her chin in her hands. The hurt in her eyes was long gone, but she looked tired. Poor thing, Jax shared the sentiment.

He felt her eye bore into the side of his face and the bunny couldn’t stop himself before he rolled his eyes and looked to her again. He could’ve choked on air when he saw her face, but the years of steeling his demeanor left no trace of his inner turmoil.

Raggs sported that longing look in her eyes again.

They were so close this time – closer than they’ve ever been before. Each time they spent together on nights like this, although few and far between, they grew closer… and hungrier. Neither understood what it was, but they never had the chance to just collapse into it, tonight being the closest to that.

But there was always something, right?

Jax allowed gaze to soften. His doll offered a small smile that almost ripped his heart out if his chest. It was drenched with melancholy of something she knew they could never have.

Because their roles in their little ecosystem didn’t allow for it to ever be theirs. It would never work.

This was survival.

The rabbit steeled his demeanor once again, but this time, his doll’s face didn’t fall.

Good, as it should be.

Jax walked to the door and fished out the key from his front pocket. He didn’t bother looking back. If he did, he wouldn’t have the will to leave anymore. When he opened the door, though, he couldn’t help but mumble out teasingly.

“See yah later, Doll~!”

He wished that he could shout his affections for her out into the void instead.

“I’m not your doll.” Ragatha responded, voice still wobbly and tired, but perky regardless. She knew just how to indulge him.

Yes, she is… she always will be.

Fanart: Evil with a target

Oasis: TADC AU list

Masterlist

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highseas-swede · 6 months

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Aziraphale and Trauma

[Just a note that I initially wrote this in response to this post: https://www.tumblr.com/theangelyouknew/732357015604756480?source=share&ref=_tumblr which is full of insightful info. I'm reposting my response here with some minor edits so it's easier to find in tags.]

This is something I actually find interesting within the fandom, because there seems to be this weird divide in fandom when it comes to Aziraphale.

See, I love Aziraphale. I think he's an amazing and well nuanced character, but a lot of the time fandom boils him down into this really simple version of himself. This happens both with people who dislike him and claim he's a bad person as well as with those who want to soften him up and make him more palatable. Aziraphale isn't the only one who has trouble with black and white thinking here!

Things like Coffee Theory remove Aziraphale's agency because the thought of Aziraphale doing something to hurt Crowley deliberately is something they can't stomach. If Aziraphale is acting under some kind of major magical influence, it means that it's possible to brush over the fact that he can - and has - hurt Crowley in the past and it certainly hasn't always been accidental.

There's a lot of Psychology I could touch on here, but it's honestly such a complicated topic that I don't really feel I can do it justice attached to a completely different topic.

But one thing I do want to touch on a bit is how Aziraphale asserts control in his own life via his connection with Crowley, and that touches on something equally complicated, which is something that's probably hard to understand.

Abuse victims are often manipulative.

I don't mean this at all as some kind of slight or insult. I've been an abuse victim myself and it's one reason I know it's true.

Fandom talks a lot about Crowley's trauma and he's got loads, to be sure. I think of that meme about "this bad boy can fit a lot of trauma" and it's very true. I've even seen people mention that Aziraphale has a different kind of Trauma than Crowley, which is also true.

What I haven't seen is someone addressing that the type of religious trauma is a form of CPTSD. CPTSD or "Complex PTSD" is a very specific form of PTSD. PTSD is characterized as being the result of a traumatic event - Crowley's fall, for example, is a good example of PTSD and I can go into that at some point. CPTSD is different because it's not a singular event, it's the result of being in a constant high stress situation. A lot of abuse victims - especially those abused by parental figures or significant others - have this form of PTSD.

A good way to see the difference is in comparing how they relate to their trauma. When Crowley thinks he's lost Aziraphale in S1, it sends him into a spiral. But importantly we see that this traumatic event is causing Crowley to go back to another traumatic event in time, triggering his memories of his fall. This emphasizes how much Crowley's fall defines his trauma. We rarely see him experiencing trauma at the hands of Hell, as he's mostly allowed freedom to handle his job on earth the way he wants.

https://cptsdfoundation.org/ defines CPTSD as "the results of ongoing, inescapable, relational trauma. Unlike Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Complex PTSD typically involves being hurt by another person. These hurts are ongoing, repeated, and often involving a betrayal and loss of safety."

In humans, this is caused by having no sense of safety in key moments of development. It strips away sense of self, sense of worth and really any agency. We even see the angels using direct gaslighting tactics on Aziraphale in S2, which I'm surprised doesn't get mentioned more often: When they come to the bookshop looking for Gabriel, they mention Gabriel and then almost immediately when Aziraphale asks "you were looking for Gabriel", Uriel outright says a line that goes something like "Did we say we were looking for Gabriel?", leading Aziraphale to fumble and try to remember if they did, in fact, say that at some point (they did).

So, one big thing to know about CPTSD and this kind of abuse related trauma is that learning to lie and be manipulative is often what people have to do to survive. Children with abusive parents will learn how to be manipulative in order to get what they need or avoid losing things they need.

We see this with Aziraphale, time and time again. He could just ASK Crowley for things he wants. A lot of people point out that he could ask and that Crowley would probably give in to him most of the time anyway. But that's not how it works in an abusive home. Instead, Aziraphale maneuvers Crowley into situations where Crowley is forced to give him what he needs or wants.

His lack of agency, as a result of his CPTSD, is also why he needs to be worked into making decisions that he already knows - or at least suspects - are right. That's why they have their little dance every time Crowley has to talk Aziraphale into something by finding the right way to frame it so it makes sense with Aziraphale's strict rule structure. These rules exist as a defensive mechanism too. Having rules makes it easier to figure out how to avoid being hurt and Aziraphale cannot simply step outside the rules because it's Not Safe. Not even with someone he trusts as much as Crowley.

The entire apology dance scene stands out for a few reasons. Everything Aziraphale does in the entire scene is an act that allows him to take control of the situation. He's already won, so to speak, because Crowley is back and Crowley is going to do what he wants. The apology is unnecessary on every level.

This post talks about how uncomfortable Crowley has to be sharing a space with Gabriel. Gabriel is with the abusive team, whether or not he was directly involved with Crowley's fall. Crowley also harbors a severe distress and mistrust of Gabriel because of Gabriel's attempts to destroy Aziraphale, the most important person to Crowley. But it's worth noting that Aziraphale is uncomfortable too.

Another good indicator of how stressed Aziraphale is with all this is that he doesn't eat ANYTHING when Gabriel is in the shop. The only food he consumes in modern era is when he's in the Bentley which is a "safe" space. Gabriel constantly hounded Aziraphale over eating and despite offering Gabriel hot chocolate, we don't see him partaking himself. He does briefly drink to demonstrate how "drinking tea" works for Muriel, but he doesn't seem to drink from his cup at all after demonstrating.

The bookshop is also Aziraphale's safe space, his ONLY safe space - Crowley still technically has the Bentley, and honestly I feel like Aziraphale wanting to borrow the Bentley is actually partially because he needs to get away from Gabriel and the Bentley is the only place that feels safe for him at the moment. Shax ruins any illusion of safety for him, but Aziraphale is much more enthused for his trip in ep3 and a fair amount of it is because he's not trapped with Gabriel.

A small note here, as a thought occurs to me. Aziraphale asserting that the Bentley is "our car" is probably mostly for himself. He's trying to realign his thinking to make the Bentley an acceptable "safe space" for himself prior to the trip.

There is a very different relationship dynamic when it comes to Gabriel and Aziraphale because Gabriel is the constant source of Aziraphale's trauma. He's Aziraphale's superior, the one he has to report to, the one who passes down his missions and his punishments. When Aziraphale takes Gabriel in, he's just invited his former abuser of over 6000 years into his safe haven. This is a hugely uncomfortable thing for an abuse survivor.

Worst of all, because Jim is, for all intents and purposes, NOT Gabriel, Aziraphale can't bring himself to lash out at his former abuser the way he wants to.

That brings us back to this apology scene.

There are two major things going on here and both of them are bad and hurtful toward Crowley. They're also both intensely unfair. I love Aziraphale but this was definitely a dick move.

Firstly: Aziraphale is using Crowley to reassert a sense of control over the situation because he is spiraling. He can't assert control over his life and his shop, which is one thing that he falls back on heavily, and that leaves him scrambling to find somewhere where he can control his situation. He makes Crowley go through this whole unnecessary apology and dance routine because it makes him feel like he has control over SOMETHING in his life right now.

Secondly: Aziraphale is also enacting his own trauma on Crowley. He's treating Crowley the way Heaven treats him. This is a direct parallel to the way Crowley terrorizes his house plants because he can't do anything to the people who actually caused his trauma. This is, obviously, wildly unfair of Aziraphale to do - and I'm fairly sure there are other small moments where Aziraphale does this in a mild way, I'd have to rewatch again.

These are both behaviors common in CPTSD caused by environments that apply this constant state of stress.

I'm not going to say it's right, or that Aziraphale isn't being a bit of a bastard in this moment - he absolutely is - but this behavior does have some obvious triggers that might be easy to overlook. It's just important to understand that Aziraphale is falling into self-preservation habits that are actively detrimental to his relationship with Crowley. It's not just the manipulation, he's also hiding things and lying to Crowley when he really shouldn't be - both things often necessary in abusive environments - but he's doing it because that's the method that he's created that works with his abusive relationship in Heaven and he's falling back on it because he feels unsafe. The trouble is, this survival tactic does not work with Crowley and actively makes things worse because it shuts down open communication entirely.

#Aziraphale #Good Omens #Good Omens Meta #good omens s2 #aziraphale meta #crowley x arizaphale #CPTSD discussion

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supercalime · 4 days

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hellooo, fellow bucktommy shipper (and casual b*ddie enjoyer, if it weren't for the horrors...) here! i really liked your take on b*ddie st*ns and how they are now making super wild assumptions based on some latest interviews.

you know one thing that irks me? somehow nobody seems to talk about is the fact that in canon, buck isn't written to be in love with eddie at all. like, can we please talk about this??? because I'm all for Death Of The Author. OS can talk about ships all he wants but in the end, only the canon narrative matters to me personally. i've watched long-form content with endgame couples being set up in the pilot episodes who become canon many seasons later (bones, castle, grey's anatomy, the mentalist, etc.), and the entire point of such couples is to establish that, yes, they have been having romantic feelings all this time since day one. they do so very very obviously. there is zero subtlety or room for questioning.

one of the most common tropes is to give one or both characters (of the endgame couple) another love interest so that the endgame couple can be full of jealousy and pettiness every time that other love interest is mentioned or shown. having another love interests always endangers the original closeness of the endgame couple, and then the breakup propels the endgame couple forward in their relationship. the love interest is always used for comparisons, to make it abundantly clear that everybody else is lacking in some way. at no point in 911 did they do so with buck and eddie??? these dudes go through various romantic relationships, and never ever has it been any issue to the b*ddie dynamic. never was it talked about. never were hints dropped that one of them is jealous. even now, with bucktommy, eddie shows not a single ounce of jealously. on the other side, look at how they showed us buck being obviously jealous because eddie monopolized tommy's time even though buck wanted tommy time himself! buck couldn't stand the jealousy even a little bit, and he ended up literally hurting his bestie because of it. but whenever eddie is involved romantically and sexually with someone, there are zero signs that buck is bothered or threatened or jealous. they both seem super chill? they do not question at any point that them dating other people might hurt their relationship? logically, that must mean buck's never wanted to be romantically or sexually involved with eddie (and vice versa). at it's core, b*ddie has been written as a friendship. to this day, we have no canon proof for anything else.

i would not hate b*ddie to happen or anything. i do enjoy b*ddie fics (those that aren't super misogynist ♥). and i think it could be a great couple if done well! but as you said, even when buck thought eddie was hot... well, so what? that's literally just an objective observation. RG is handsome based on societal standards. chim and hen also immediately acknowledged that eddie was hot in 2x01, and both of them are Not At All romantically or sexually attracted to eddie either. nobody is questioning chim's or hen's sexuality based on the comments they made about eddie being hot. because nothing about this equals real romantic feelings or the desire to be in a relationship. the fandom understands that logic just fine with chim and hen. why not with buck, though? also, we have yet to see a reversed moment for eddie staring at buck and finding him hot. they had no problem to show eddie Immediately having a crush on ana flores when he first met her. this shows that eddie feels sexual attraction just fine. he was, however, never shown in canon to feel it for buck.

also interesting: even though buck found eddie hot when they first met, it did not trigger buck to seriously question his sexuality at any point in the past like, 5 years or so. in all those years of canon b*ddie friendship, the show has never used the plethora of opportunities to propel b*ddie into romantic or sexual territory. the show could have! but the show never did, so i refuse to let b*ddie st*ns or OS retcon this. if it's not in the canon material, it isn't canon. with tommy, it took only a couple of weeks and a handful of interactions for buck to reach a point of clarity about his sexuality. the most logical deduction imo is that buck simply clocked that eddie's hot (like everybody else, duh, he isn't special in that regard), and it's never meant anything deep.

my only real probem with this entire situation is how hardcore b*ddie st*ns are now using this as a justification to harass others even more (especially bucktommy shippers). i'd love to enjoy canon bucktommy and fanon b*ddie in peace! but the hate that b*ddie st*ns are spreading everywhere again (like with every new season and newly introduced love interest) is so overwhelming.

sorry for the long ass rant btw oopsie. feel free to ignore this. i just wanted to let it out and it seemed like you would understand. anyway, thanks for reading in case you got this far!

I’d never ignore a sensible take, anon! (I feel bad that you had to go anon but I understand. We know the drill by now, some stans are scary lol)

But like, ALL OF THIS!!!

Discourse like this is what takes away the enjoyment of media for me. It sucks that fandom experience can have two very extreme opposing sides, specially when it comes to two “competing” ships. You can kinda tell by how bucktommy shippers behave (I’m not trying to flex at all because I am one. A good majority of us has zero problem with b*ddie endgame even though we prefer the other. We like what we are getting and are happy to see this storyline play out) compared to b*ddie shippers (of course not all of them, I’m talking about the entitled ones. That clog comment sections, bother actors, go to the other ships tag to complain about it and say how their preferred ship is better, etc).

Im not immune to bad takes and bad fan behavior. Ive surely acted like these stans in other fandoms and i do regret it, so i hate seeing it happen again and again, no matter where i go.

Not to quote mean girls, but I wish we could all get along…

All that being said, whichever ship “wins”, it’s no one’s call but the writers and producers of the show. Someone told me that Tim writes for himself and doesn’t take outside factors (at least to an extent cause it’s impossible to not know the fan reaction) into consideration when it comes to where he wants the story to go.

#don’t apologize anon #im not a popular blog so getting a nice ask is always fun to read and respond to :)#lety rambles #ask #911 #bucktommy #tevan #firefly #firepilot #911 abc

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lurkingdoll · 2 months

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The COD community and shipping

So, lately I have been getting a strange influx of anti-Ghoap posts on my feed. Just multiple posts ranting about how Ghoap is bad to ship and how it's not canon, will never be canon, and people shouldn't ship them because they are just friends. So, as someone who has been in a variety of fandoms and has a lot of experience in shipping communities, I want to discuss this because many of the people writing these rants seem to either have never interacted with fandom content before or just never heard of shipping before.

Shipping is when the fandom of a media (Ie: Show, Movie, Book, Game, ect..) thinks certain characters would make a good couple. People who make Ship content are people who draw, write fanfics, ect.. about said characters as a couple. Shipping has existed since there has been media with characters to ship

After the call of duty modern warfare reboots came out, there were an influx of newer fans who came in, many of them being people who have been part of shipping communities in the past. So, when they saw the entertaining dynamic between Ghost and Soap, they began to ship them and this seems to somehow upset people.

Many people got upset mostly due to the fact Ghost and Soap are "Just friends" and insist their playful banter shouldn't be taken as flirting even though many lines such as "Like a good ol boy" and "That's why I love the Ghost" can easily be interpreted as flirting. This isn't even to mention the fact that people have been shipping non canon ships since the dawn of shipping. Hell, people use to ship characters from entire different franchises. Just because they aren't dating in canon doesn't mean they can't be shipped.

Some like to argue that people should just allow platonic relationships to remain platonic and this argument is rather weak for multiple reasons. First of all, platonic relationships are not superior to romantic ones, they are both equally valuable. Secondly, many romantic relationships BEGIN as strong platonic relationships.

While I'm not the type of person to scream "homophobia" at every little thing, there's no denial that the hatred people have for Ghoap comes from homophobia. Before the influx of newer fans, Cod was infamous for it's widely homophobic and racist player base and those players are still very prominent in cod lobbies to this day. So, it makes sense they would be upset to see a large influx of more inclusive fans that also made a gay ship very popular. There's no doubt that a large reason for why so many people have such an issue with a ship as harmless as Ghoap correlates with the very present homophobia within the COD community

Generally, there's no reason to be upset over Ghoap. You're allowed to dislike ships, that's fine, but don't go around throwing a fit and getting mad at people who ship a perfectly harmless ship just because you personally dislike it. There are bigger things to worry about than strangers on the internet thinking two men who canonically get along very well together would make a cute couple.

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nuatthebeach · 4 months

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I’ve noticed in your posts you always mention Harry’s endgame is Ginny or no one, but you’ve never mention it the other way around? I’ve always thought those two loved each other equally and they were each other’s endgames in every universe. Do you believe Ginny doesn’t love Harry as much as he loves her? Or that his love isn’t enough for her? I don’t think anyone could love, support, or make Ginny Weasley as happy as Harry Potter could, and I don’t think any man or women could make her feel the way Harry could, and vice versa.

hahah, i do do that a lot, don't i

the following is my opinion, and my opinion only:

to your point, yes, i totally 100% believe that ginny loves harry as much as he loves her. to be explicit, in canon, it is harry or no one for ginny. they have just gone through hell and back for each other that, personally, i just do not see them even considering being with anybody else after the war. the series ended in a way that implied that harry's main priority was going to be centered around building something with ginny, and judging by the fact that ginny never said she was going to wait for him, there's no canon evidence to suggest that she didn't wait in her 6th year (though, obviously, there were more pressing matters at the time.)

to me, it was always inevitable that they would fall back together. they would, of course, have many problems to deal with (harry's communication issues, ginny's fresh grief, harry coming to terms with ginny's very dark circumstances, ginny's sense of self-preservation, amongst so many other things that i think @whinlatter's Beasts does a phenomenal job of tackling, and i can't wait to read more. (those dang eggcups goddamnit 😭.)

now why do i talk more about harry loving ginny than vice versa? frankly because fandom seems adamant on proving just the opposite. and i absolutely refuse to give an inch about it. at risk of pissing everyone off, i'm also more likely to read ginny/other, if not for any other reason than to spite the haters. plus, ginny's love life is so interesting; if you think about it, she really "dated" all tropes of men: the toxic guy (tom riddle, if you count intimacy as not just romantic), the "nice guy" (michael corner), and the guy who's just generally a great person but not the one for ginny (dean thomas). how could you not want to read about it? and it's so beautiful, thinking that after all of that, she finds her way back to harry.

and...(tw) harsh truth alert... 🚨

honestly? truthfully? there just is more canonical evidence of harry caring about ginny. (again, this does NOT mean that i'm saying that harry loves ginny more than ginny loves harry.)

why? because unlike ginny, we can actually see inside harry's head. we know for a fact he thinks of her as his greatest source of comfort from book six. we know for a fact he thinks of her like family since book seven. we know for a fact that she is his last thought before he freakin' dies. we do NOT know for fact that ginny thinks these things because we cannot see inside her head. while ginny's feelings for harry are an interpretation (a heavily evidence-based one for sure, duh, i'd be stupid not to think that), harry's feelings for ginny are just...reality.

it's like arguing evolution vs gravity. one is a theory, and the other is legitimately a law.

though you'll still have people argue that neither are true, and...well. welcome to the harry potter fandom.

#hinny #imma get clowned for this but i mean every word i say #anon ask

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yuikomorii · 1 year

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Ayato used to be special, that’s true but now? He pretty much lost the personality that made him stand out. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

No offense here but one thing I hate about dating sims is when the guy starts worshipping the MC to the point that they always do as she says whether if that’s wrong or right.

I can remember the times Ayato got in troubles due to trusting Yui’s words too much or caring too much about her comfort when more serious issues were around and I swear there is even a ‘I will build a castle for you’ scene ??? that made me cringe so bad

I don’t get what this fandom got with simps, it’s none of my business tho but that’s not even funny at this point anymore.

// No because at this point I’m convinced more than half of the fandom mischaracterizes Ayato so bad that I’m genuinely questioning whether you truly played the games/read the translations or you simply couldn’t care less about what you were playing/reading.

First of all, there is a distinction between worshiping and appreciating someone. Ayato treats Yui as an equal; he does not regard her as a goddess or an inferior, which is completely fine because this is the healthiest way for a relationship to function. He trusts her words so much because he loves her and believes in her abilities.

Secondly, Ayato didn’t lose his personality and if you went through his routes, listened to the serious CD dramas, read the official short stories + YB and paid attention to what’s written about him in the books, you would know that.

It was mentioned several times that Ayato’s true face is the one of a sweet and pure-hearted boy. Usually, when people hear the word “pure-hearted” they think of someone kind or innocent, but the term goes beyond that. Everyone can be kind sometimes, everyone was pure at some point and some still continue to be like that if life didn’t hit them hard enough but not everyone can be pure-hearted. Being pure-hearted ( 純情 ) means having a self-sacrificing devotion, helping and forgiving the ones who wronged you and empathizing with them. This perfectly describes Ayato because I swear, this boy is the King of Second Chances.

Even Rejet mentioned in the second picture that by touching the true side of Ayato, who always pretends to be strong, you will fall in love with him.

That’s actually a true statement and I can clearly see why he’s the apple of Yui’s eye because Ayato is by far the most hardworking and ambitious Diaboy and the fact he would do anything to make his girl happy, even starting to study in order to get into college (although part of his trauma has to do with it since Cordelia mercilessly punished him every time he refused to study), adds +100 respect points.

The "I'm gonna build a castle for you!" scene from his MB After Story wasn’t cringe at all; he was just trying to show Yui how grateful he is to have her by his side all the time. He didn't expect her to get a job too; he simply wanted to be the one who worked so as she could live a happy life and fulfill his role as her husband.

In the official after story of the MB After story (translated by Koiiro), Ayato stopped skipping classes at college so as to make Yui proud. He’s trying his best to be a better person just for her and if you still find THIS cringe, then… that’s on you.

Last but not least, it’s true that Yui’s decisions aren’t always the best but instead of blaming her for making dumb choices and Ayato for trusting her, why not blame the person who put them in an uncomfortable situation??

#diabolik lovers #yui komori #ayato sakamaki #dialovers #admin #ayato x yui #ayayui

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kikyan · 1 year

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Yandere Savanaclaw Headcanons

Tw: Dark content up ahead y’all!! Mentions of manipulation, gaslighting, possessiveness, etc.

Banner made by my lovely bestie @herestrish don’t steal pls or I’ll eat your kneecaps, I’m entering my Hannibal era <3! Jokes aside. . . disclaimer!!

These are my interpretations of his/her/their persona and none of these is 100% accurate. I don’t condone any of these actions in real life and all of this is purely fictional and should be taken as such! Underage characters will ONLY be given SFW headcanons, please respect this decision. If these headcanons sound dry. . .I’ll redo them I’m sorry I was tired

Leona Kingscholar

Okiedoki, these headcanons were WAY long overdue and me being the chaotic and messy person I am, did not plan these ahead nor did I make a posting schedule. Without further ado, here we go! Can you name a bigger kin? Leona is me and I am Leona. From what I’ve seen in the fandom, Leona seems to be a personality that not many people differ from. Like it’s all collectively and mutually agreed on how he acts. Regardless, the character traits I assign him are overprotective, possessive, and manipulative.

No one here can argue that Leona isn’t smart, mans is brilliant only issue being he lacks motivation. Assuming I got all my facts straight, he’s smart and talented and has all amazing qualities, but it doesn’t matter because he’s not the firstborn. His signature spell is so dangerous, he’s constantly being upstage because name and reputation matter more than actions. Not to his darling, he’s possessive over his S/O because you’re his. You’re not someone given to him because of his status or lack of, you’re his because you were able to charm the lion and gain his affection. You’re his because he won, he won YOUR affection. All hell will break loose if someone DARES to even touch you, looks at you wrong, or do anything to hurt you. He’ll often refer to you as one of his belongings but words aside, he really does see you as his equal. This ties in with his overprotectiveness and his overall fear of losing the one person that matters in his life, you.

Manipulative. Though he wants a fair game, mans is cheating. He’s not above using dirty methods to get you to be his in the first place. He’s probably gaslit you before and you wouldn’t know. He’s smart and he has Ruggie, this is important. He’d probably disagree with you and advise you to do something else, when you decide to go off on your own he’ll send Ruggie to stir up the pot but not right away no, that’s too convenient! He’ll wait until you have a sense of security before striking, when things go downhill and you come back to him he won’t smile, he won’t say anything other than, “I told you so.” He’s so smug about it too, that smirk when he’s in the right and you’re in the wrong.

I’d say personally, he’s a 7/10 on the yandere scale, he’s definitely not someone you want to mess with and by all means half of the time it’s him just being protective. Bro’s the type of guy to help you study but not before he makes you give him a kiss or fuel his ego for a bit. He’s able to lower his guard around you, sleep comfortably with you, and laze around, just don’t get too comfy. Any signs he notices of defiance and he’s not afraid to show you why the others respect him. His scale may increase if he’s angry, he’d never hurt his S/O but the others?

Ruggie Bucchi

I don’t know much about Ruggie just because he’s not a character I was very interested in but he’s so funny. Getting straight into it, possessive, manipulative, and overprotective. He’s not a threat, a solid 4/10. I happen to remember that Ruggie was raised by his grandmother and that in book 4 went back home with a lot of food because the kids in his home didn’t have enough. Ruggie has a good heart, it’s just hard to get him to trust someone else because of it. I like to this that his S/O is someone who was able to remind him that it’s okay to be selfish just as much as it is important to be selfless. With that in mind, I think Ruggie being possessive over his S/O is reasonable. Ruggie keeps things that matter to him close, that includes you, babes!! Just as he steals anything else, he stole your heart. Your safety and security matter a lot to him, maybe not at first but as time goes on it’s his first priority. I’ll be honest, Ruggie is a fun person to be around. His jokes and his mannerism are sure to make you smile along with his good heart.

Furthering into his possessiveness, I like to think he gets super jealous when his S/O is with someone else or not having their attention on him. Someone approaches you and asks you to have lunch with them or to study, Ruggie gets pouty and gives you the silent treatment. You’d ask him something and this man will be so petty. “I don’t know, why don’t you ask [Student Name]” or “I don’t know, you seemed to have more fun with them so I don’t want to disturb you”. That kind of petty. He won’t lie, he loves the attention he gets from you. You desperately trying to make it up to him because you NEED him. That being said, he’s a pain in your ass but he’s saved it multiple times. I like to think that Ruggie is that person who at the start of it tries to show that he doesn’t care. The type to flee when you’re in danger or not help because there is nothing to gain until he catches feelings. Slowly saying things like, “Well, we can work out the details of my reward later. . .” or “It’s whatever, I owe you anyways”. He gives off mammon vibes, just not a simp.

As time goes on and he and his S/O start to get closer, he’d be more willing to help you and do things for you. Manipulative, it kinda rubs off on him from Leona tbh. I know for a fact Ruggie knows some underhanded moves to get what he wants, at first he’ll play with your heartstrings, being pouty and petty. If that doesn’t work he’ll get annoyed and just flat-out ignore you. He’s not going to grovel and beg, he’s done plenty of that already. He’s going to make you beg for his attention and his help. The type to pull your hair in class and pull pranks, having the teacher find you and scold you while ignoring Ruggie. Unrightfully giving you detention as he looks the other way. As you’re sitting and doing your boring work, he pops in for a second and just mocks you.

He’s kinda like Ace just a bit toned down! He’s not a dangerous yandere just an annoying one but you should be alright with him!

Jack Howl

Jack gets two, over-protective and possessive. He’s not a dangerous yandere either, like a 3/10? He’s a character with morals and without a doubt, genuine love and concern for his S/O. I know he means well and he does, he’s a super sweet yandere!

Jack is most definitely a protector. As we saw in the game, at first he didn’t seem to want to do a whole lot with us until we got to book 2. He’s super loyal and caring, qualities that his S/O loves and respects as does he. If you’re ever being picked on or bullied, Jack is on the case! He’s going off on them, saying how it’s so cowardly of them to pick on someone who can’t defend themselves. Do you need a walk home? Jack will do it! Do you need some help with an assignment? He doesn’t know much, but he’s down to help you learn better! He’s a sincere lover who cares a lot, and he’s possessive. I feel like Jack at first would hate his feelings. He has no right over you so why does he feel so upset when you’re talking to someone else? Did you find a new partner? You’re staying out late? Don’t you need him….? He shouldn’t feel like this, but he does! Jack would try to deny it at first, surely ir’s just admiration! I mean you did stand up to Leona after all and that takes some real guts!

Possessive. Once those feelings subside, he’s doing what he can to have your attention on him. Inviting him to all his spell drive practices, offering to help you with homework or the other way around. He just wants to protect you. Sure his presence can be suffocating to the point he’s a bit clingy, I mean I don’t think you’re gonna get attacked in line waiting for your food, but who knows? He’s always there, conveniently as well. Acts of service are one of his love languages, you need a book from the high shelf? He’s already on it. You don’t have a partner for the project? No worries neither does he. Leona and Ruggie notice his behavior, often teasing him but never going further. Jack is. . .how do I say this? Awkward. He is so awkward, the type to invite you out to eat and just eat in silence. The type to be content being in your presence so he doesn’t really do anything else. Give him time and he’ll be better, promise!

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lisbeth-kk · 8 months

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Sherlock fandom. John finding new families along the way.

Surprisingly easy

John has never had any reason to cherish his own family. His parents were always fighting about some trifle detail or other. Harry was difficult at best, detestable at her worst.

He heard the saying for the first time when he was fifteen, and it immediately hit home.

Friends are the family you choose.

John didn’t have many friends. Not close ones anyway. His fellow rugby teammates were the closest he’d got before uni. At his practise at Barts Hospital, Mike Stamford was a bloke to rely on. Easy and fun to hang out with. A bit boring and predictable, but John could live with that.

When John joined the army and sat foot in a war zone, his comrades became his new family. As a captain he had the responsibility and was suddenly the head of the family. Not that he thought about his men as family at the time, but when he came back home to London, John recognised that they indeed had been the closest to a family he’s ever had.

John has always been a private person. His trust issues come from years of being let down by his biological family. So, the instant attraction and trust he felt toward Sherlock when Mike introduced them, came as an utter surprise to John. Months later, Sherlock revealed having had the same feelings when John lended him his mobile.

“You were the first person who’d intrigued me in years. Although I could deduce much about you, there was always something that astounded me. It still happens occasionally,” Sherlock admits.

“I’m flattered,” John tells him. “To be fair, I never thought that someone like you could find me a tad bit interesting.”

Sherlock had convinced John of the fact quite thoroughly using his lips and hands after that. Gasping for air, John had agreed that he indeed was the most precious and fascinating human being ever created, all out of fear that Sherlock would stop his worshipping of John’s body.

***

The car stops outside the cosy house, and John can’t wait to get out and greet the residents. Sherlock and Mycroft are more reluctant to move. John rolls his eyes at his beloved and the beloved’s older brother.

“Come on, you two. Stop behaving like teenagers being forced to visit family members. They both love you dearly, and I’m in awe over the fact that they tolerate your behaviour,” John says sternly before he opens the car door.

He moves rapidly toward the house, but before he can knock, the door swings open and John finds himself embraced by an elated woman, who smells of baked goods and gardenia.

“John, darling,” Violet Holmes exclaims. “How lovely to see you.”

“Likewise,” John says and presses a kiss to her cheek.

Walter Holmes comes into view behind Violet, and John frees himself to greet the patriarch. They shake hands and Walter places a warm hand on John’s shoulder.

“Alright there, son?” he asks.

“Absolutely. I’ve even managed convincing your offspring to come along,” John grins.

“Ah! Quite the achievement,” Walter praises.

John turns when he hears Violet coo and hug her sons equally enthusiastic as she did with John just minutes earlier. It never fails to amuse John how affectionate the Holmes brothers are with their parents once in their orbit. The bickering between the two, is another matter, but it’s less venomous here than in London.

Violet Holmes is an excellent cook, and even Sherlock eats his fair share of the delicious meal, not to mention the chocolate mousse with fresh berries from Walter’s garden.

Being the only Watson at a table crowded with Holmes’s, John feels content and he can honestly say that they all are his new family. Even Mycroft, Sherlock’s protests notwithstanding.

***

“It’s surprisingly easy to love your family,” John muses where he lies curled up in Sherlock’s arms on the sofa in front of the fireplace later that evening.

Sherlock hums and combs his long fingers through John’s hair.

“What would you say to becoming a legitimate member of the Holmes family, John?” Sherlock asks quietly.

John gasps and turns to face Sherlock, his eyes starting to fill.

“Sherlock,” he whispers. “Are you asking me what I…”

“Yes, John! Obviously,” Sherlock says with a teasing eyeroll, before his face softens.

John sits up and straddles Sherlock’s thighs, his hands cupping Sherlock’s cheeks carefully. He catches plush lips with his thinner ones, and snogs Sherlock breathless.

“That’s a yes, by the way,” John murmurs.

Such a wonderful prompt! It was a joy to write.

@flashfictionfridayofficial @totallysilvergirl @keirgreeneyes @calaisreno @phoenix27884 @a-victorian-girl @topsyturvy-turtely @gregorovitchworld @kettykika78 @helloliriels @peanitbear @safedistancefrombeingsmart

#sherlock fandom #johnlock #sherlock #john watson #flashfiction #family

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atlasdoe · 13 days

Text

Things that The Marauders fandom say that pisses me off

warning: i will not be holding back. if you are sensitive do not read. feel free to disagree or anything in the replies but don't be a dick

i'm only doing this cause i'm bored and have a lot of rage in me

also just to be clear if we're mutuals then i'm not on about you :)

"It's so sad that one of the only things we have in cannon is the prank"

or something along those lines. If knowing that the prank is cannon makes you upset then I have some great news for you. Nobody cared about the prank in cannon!!!! it's literally just another Tuesday for the Marauders and not once does anybody lose any friends or hold any grudges about it!! yay, now you can sleep at night!

"Dumbledore raised an army of children twice"

I've already spoken about this before but for anyone who wasn't here please know that this is a lie! Neither time did Dumbledore raise an army of children. You had to be an adult to join The Order and although the Marauders were young they were not children. As for everyone else, their ages are not confirmed. We are the ones who made Marlene and Dorcas the same age as them. For all we know The Marauder's could've been the youngest in the Order by far. As for the DA, Dumbledore literally had no part in that. It was Hermione, Harry and Ron who made the DA. All Dumbledore did was take the blame for it because they named themselves after him

"Dumbledore could've helped Regulus, Evan and Barty"

Firstly it amazes me how these three are the only Death Eaters yall have any sympathy for. I understand Regulus to a point considering we only really hear good things about him from Kreacher but with Evan and Barty genuinely what makes them so special?? Evan is in the exact same pool as Wilkes and y'all don't give a shit about them. Also Barty helped resurrect Voldemort and tortured Frank and Alice. Either way regardless on if you like them or not trust me when i say that if they would've gone to Dumbledore for help he would've helped them. When have we ever seen Dumbledore turn somebody down because they were a Slytherin. This man literally tried to help Draco as he was about to kill him and help the Death Eaters take over Hogwarts. Dumbledore doesn't know everything and he's never passed on the chance for a new spy.

"This fandom is misogynistic for making Lily/Tonks bad mothers/surrogates"

Fanfiction does not equal headcannons. Just because Lily or Tonks are bad mothers in a fanfiction does not mean that the author dislikes them or thinks that they're a bad person in cannon. Also reading about your favourite ship raise a child is a very common trope in fanfiction and as much as Harry and Teddy are Lily and Tonks children they are also James and Remus'. James and Remus are just as responsible for their children and I see nobody batting an eye when the roles are reversed. On top of all of this, Lily and Tonks were young mothers and it's very likely that they would make mistakes or in other universes not be as good as they were in cannon. That does not make them bad people nor does it make them unworthy of being liked. If you don't like it, don't read it cause i know that nobody is saying that Regulus and James raised Harry in cannon.

"Marlene/Dorcas/Mary/Evan is so underrated!"

No they're not. They're mentioned like once or twice. If anything they're incredibly overrated. Nothing wrong with that. Just facts

"Jily is dying out because people are scared to go against Jegulus"

Don't make me laugh. Jily is one of the only cannon ships we have they are literally the blueprint to the entire series. Jily is not dying out, you're just seeing more Jegulus posts because you keep interacting with them and fucking up your own algorithm in order to argue with people in comment sections

"[Insert ship here] need to stop hating on [Insert another ship here] (same with characters)"

I remember one time in the Riverdale fandom when a Bughead shipper did an interview with a magazine pretending to be Lili Reinheart and told this magazine that Bughead will be cannon just to piss the Barchie shippers off. Y'all would not survive "real" fandoms. Just because somebody doesn't like your ship does not make it hate and even if someone does say something like "Jily is trash and I hate it" so fucking what?? it's one person and trust me there is another room on the internet for the both of you. I don't even think I've seen anyone truly post hate about a ship since 2020 when i was in the instagram fandom and the Wolfstar and Blackinnon shippers had each other by the throat

"Jegulus came out of nowhere and I don't understand why people ship it"

Jegulus has been around for as long as i have (2018) and at least to me it's very obvious why people like it. It's the best friends brother, opposite sides of the war, secret relationship, forbidden romance tropes that people love. it's not that hard to understand. And as I said before we know just enough about Regulus to get some sense of what he was like but not all of the bad parts.

"Sirius was tall but Remus was TALL"

There's nothing necessarily wrong with this. I just hate it. Especially if you're commenting on somebody's post about how Sirius is canonically tall. Half the time, unless they say it themselves, they don't think that Remus is taller and don't care if you do

that's all i've got for now. i may do this again :)

#the marauders #harry potter #the marauders era #marauders #wolfstar #remus lupin #james potter #jegulus #sirius black #regulus black #evan rosier #barty crouch jr #lily evans #albus dumbledore

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writing--whore · 1 year

Text

Taking Control

Pairing: Steven Grant x Reader and Marc Spector x Reader

Summary: You always dominate your boyfriend, Steven, but you're curious to know what it's like to be dominated... you're curious to know what it's like to be dominated by Marc.

Word count: 750

Warnings: d/s, edging, cockwarming, handcuffs

A/N: Okay so I started this agesss ago and never finished it. Idk if anyone would still be interested in reading it now. Idk how alive the Moonknight fandom is anymore. If enough people are interested, I would love to finish this story now I'm out of my writing slump

A beautiful whimper left Steven’s mouth as you slid his dick up and down your folds. You’d been edging him for at least 15 minutes by now, his arms handcuffed to the bedposts, outstretched and vulnerable. You loved seeing him this way, so desperate for you that he was leaking precum like crazy, but too submissive to even complain.

You delved your head down to capture his lips in a passionate kiss. He met you with equal fervour, greedy to accept everything you offered him. Your hand raked through his thick mop of hair and pulled his head back to expose his neck so your lips could roam lower. There was no need but you tugged harder, eliciting another whimper. You bit and sucked hard at his neck, in all the spots that you knew would drive him crazy.

But… For as much as you were enjoying yourself, you weren’t quite sure where to go from there. You’d dommed Steven pretty much every day since you’d been together. And you had to admit you were curious to give up control for once.

Your hips came to a stop.

“Are you alright?” He asked.

You had voiced your curiosity to be dominated earlier on in the relationship. Steven had tried to dom you, and you had to commend him for giving it his all, but his heart wasn’t in it. He could never stop being so gentle and careful with you. You loved him for it but you craved more.

You confessed that Marc’s personality - a polar opposite to your boyfriend’s - was intriguing. And after a long discussion, Steven had agreed that he was happy for you to experiment with Marc.

Marc had required very little convincing. His attraction to you was no secret, flirting with you at every opportunity. In fact, you’d say he seemed jealous that Steven had you all to himself.

“Yes, I’m feeling great.” You pressed a kiss to his cheek to reassure him and then averted your gaze as you tried to find the right words. “I… I was just wondering… are you still okay with me trying things out with Marc?”

“Oh. Yeah… Yeah, of course.”

Your face lit up and you pressed another kiss to his lips. “Thank you, Steven.”

A smile played across his face, slowly morphing into a smirk. His eyes languidly roamed across your naked form.

“You finally decided to see what you’ve been missing out on?” That gruff, American accent sent shivers through you.

He flexed his arms in the handcuffs. Never in a million years would he willingly be tied up in the bedroom. It was an embarrassment.

“I seriously suggest you get me out of these.”

Marc - usually so commanding and in control - was now at your mercy, his cock twitching at full attention. Suddenly, you were overcome with the desire to see Marc beg.

Staring calmly into his dark eyes, your hips started up their motions again, slowly gliding your folds along his length. You even decided to take it one step further, you sunk down onto his cock. Your eyelids fluttered with heavy lust at the feeling of his considerable girth stretching you out. And then you just stayed there.

A low groan escaped his throat as his head rocked back into the pillows. Marc’s dick was left feeling painfully sensitive after all the teasing you’d put Steven through. Not to mention your naked vision was absolutely glorious. He needed friction, he needed to fuck you. He needed it like a man starved.

“You’re gonna regret this, princess.”

“Oh really?”

You were the picture of smug as you rocked your hips to the tiniest degree. His fullness inside of you felt fucking incredible, and you could only imagine how excruciating the teasing felt for him.

Marc growled and his hands made fists, tugging hard at the cuffs.

You laughed at his futility. “I’m not going to move until you beg me, Marc Spector. I can do this all night.”

Hands turned to fists and his arms strained, veins popping to attention. Metal clinked and you didn’t even have time to process that he’d broken the handcuffs before his fingers were curling around your waist and you were being flipped over to be beneath him.

Fear was quick to replace your cocky demeanour. Your eyes flashed wide open and your mouth hung slightly ajar - with shallow breaths of air escaping your lips. You went completely still, frozen like a bunny beneath the claws of a fox.

"I told you I'd make you regret it."

#marc spector x reader #steven grant x reader #moonknight x reader #steven grant x you #marc spector x you

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queen-beefcake-sqx · 9 months

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Please do your Sanctifying Kim Take!

Perceiving that man through HDB coloured glasses put me off of most fandom depictions of him. Not to mention how absolutely tiny he's depicted when he's of completely average size. (2-3inches shorter than Harry who is above 6ft. Like I get people do be havin size kinks, but that man's not short)

Canon Kim is the most trigger happy cop depicted in the entire game. He shot 6 kids people between working in juvenile detention and processing, is a severely repressed speedfreak with unprocessed grief (still working Dom's cases) and a wild card (not above using Harry's amnesia to manipulate Joyce when he knows him for a couple of hours), who can maybe have 2 Auth over world soggiest superstar but let's be honest don't we all?

He is so petty that he will die in the tribunal if you give away his pen lmao. Like that man is literally two steps above Harry when it comes to being a weird cop, and that's being lovingly understanding. He needs Martinaise just as much as HDB does.

op I am holding your face gently and shaking like a wet chihuahua. you, you get it.

Here’s my thing — as a general theme, I’ve noticed fandom takes seem to lean into the belief that because Harry’s deification of Dora crashed and burned so spectacularly, that (1) deification of Kim would be just as unhealthy and (2) Kim would outright reject that kind of worship.

And like. Okay. I can see how you’d make a case for that, sure. Except as you pointed out Kim is actually really fucking weird, and damaged in his own way, and most importantly — Kim wants to be cool. There’s a purple check that outright states Kim values being perceived as cool FAR MORE than he lets on. I’ve already written a post that mentions how significant it is for Kim that Harry thinks he’s cool, and what I’m gonna say next is an extension of that:

I think, somewhere deep down and repressed, Kim would actually love being deified by someone, and if Harry put in the work to have a healthy relationship with religion, they could actually make that dynamic work.

Long thoughts and explanation under cut:

Alright a little background on me: I was raised Unitarian Universalist and have a history of deifying my lovers. Harry’s anguish over Dora was very heartbreakingly familiar (although I didn’t destroy my life quite as spectacularly), and the way Harry uses inquiry to engage with belief systems (personal, political, scientific, and religious) is VERY Unitarian. One of our precepts is literally the constant and continuous search for truth and meaning in the world, and that’s Harry’s whole MO. So a lot of this is personal experience coloring interpretation.

A few years ago I wrote a piece of meta about why Tian Guan Ci Fu, a novel about a worshiper’s love for a prince turned god, is better treated as a fairy tale instead of a typical character-driven novel. I bring this up because in the meta I set forth that there were three really big themes that the story teaches us about divinity:

Books Two and Four encapsulate Xie Lian’s biggest lesson - that no one person can hope to end all suffering, even a god, and that putting a person on a pedestal places unachievable expectations upon them.

The rest of the books deal with two different but tangential lessons — devotion means seeing the best in people, regardless of their flaws; devotion also means inevitable destruction when you are not valued to the same degree.

I bring this up because, incidentally, these are the EXACT same themes that Disco Elysium deals with in regards to deification and devotion. I firmly believe the rest of the text about Innocences corroborates this, but even just looking at Harry and Dora, these themes are SCREAMINGLY relevant. Harry destroyed himself when Dora, his Innocence and god, left him. Their relationship was never really equal — there was a class difference, the abortion and difference in want for parenthood, the fact she walked out on him at least one before. Harry placed Dora on such a high pedestal that he set her up to fail him when she couldn’t handle Harry’s addiction and deteriorating mental health at a job she encouraged him to pursue.

Because a really important caveat about those themes I didn’t elaborate on — “regardless of flaws” doesn’t mean never acknowledging them. I really think Harry got into his head that Dora could truly do no wrong and found himself increasingly hurt and floundering when she proved just how wrong that was, and instead of acknowledging things they BOTH needed to work on — to do better, to improve, to grow — Harry got angry, resentful, and depressed and Dora got out of there.

And I don’t blame her, nor anybody else who did the same. I don’t blame Jean’s anger with Harry’s carelessness with his life, even if the way he expresses it is actively harmful. But the problem is Harry is a vast, vast soul — he feels things very deeply and extremely. I like fics where he learns to work through it and love a person to a Normal(tm) degree, but there’s a part of me deep down that feels like that is impossible for him. There is vitriol or there is devotion and there is little to nothing in-between for him, and for him a healthy relationship isn’t less devotional/religious as much as it is reconceptualizing what it means to be divine — stealing from my TGCF meta, he needs to remember that deities were human before they were ever his god, and as someone who’s worked as a cop, he should KNOW how messy humans are.

And minus himself, fuck if there isn’t a human messier than Kim Kitsuragi.

I’ve written a bit about Kim’s self-image and the significance of Harry finding him cool before. Kim is honestly a mess. He’s implied to be still struggling with the death of his partner some time in the past, is trigger happy and hates it, and is also implied to be ostracized from his coworkers. Kim does his job because he genuinely thinks it’s one of the only ways he can do good under a military regime that’s got airships ready to attack at a moment’s sign of rebellion. He smokes one cigarette a way to challenge his own volition and give off an air of untouchability because he has to be cool, he has to, he has no power in his life if he doesn’t!

But I genuinely believe that cool is tested at every turn, and I think there’s very few people who see the cool without seeing everything else about him — all the things he’s ashamed of, that make him feel lesser or othered. And Harry sees all those things over time, with a thorough enough run — he learns about “Kimball” and the bad eyesight and his fierce protection of his status as a “true Revacholiere”.

But it’s day one that Harry can call Kim cool. Regardless of flaws you uncover or not, Harry can see Kim as someone to be admired. Because that’s what Harry does with people he likes. And when was the last time anyone called Kim cool and meant it genuinely?

I think it’s noteworthy that Kim tries to stay humble when Harry gets excited about Kim — he downplays himself or pulls Harry out of flights of fancy about the degree of his “coolness”. He reminds Harry that he’s human… even if inwardly he preens at praise and recognition. (I’m too lazy to go through the Fayde viewer right now to back myself up, but just really pay attention to his Empathy checks sometime). Kim keeps Harry from constantly putting him on a pedestal like he did to Dora.

It’s also noteworthy that regardless of what a hot mess you are re: addiction, Kim still respects you as a detective and will defend you to your precinct. Remember that third theme, about relational devotion? Devotion doesn’t work if you’re deifying someone who doesn’t respect you, and thus won’t hold you to the standard of their divinity. There’s a thing in teaching where teachers want to shy away from difficult or disruptive students, thinking we’re accommodating them when in reality we’re not challenging them and are disrespecting their right to learn. Respect also means setting boundaries and trust, and I don’t know how much of either Dora and Harry had by the end.

Kim sets boundaries right off — No, we will not talk about the pissing contest until the field autopsy is done, don’t even try asking again. Yes, I do think now is a bad time for a drink and you should stop being careless with your life. No I will not tell you a secret about myself. Kim isn’t afraid to draw lines in the sand with Harry, because not only does he respect himself, but he wants to see that Harry respects him, too.

And in exchange, Kim displays his respect openly in front of peers — in front of the organization he’s worked to protect his reputation within — to defend Harry. Known drunk, bad-cop-or-cop-with-bad-days, sad sack Harry Du Bois. It’s acknowledgement from the object of his devotion that he’s done good work and can do more, if he keeps putting in the work to get better.

The point is — I don’t think Harry can change how he loves people, I think its just inherent to who he is as a person, but devoting himself to the altar of Kim Kitsuragi might actually work, if only because Kim wants that worship and will hold Harry accountable for not letting it consume them both.

#say more sadie #sadie writes meta #disco elysium #kimharry #I have so many more words about this but it’s less meta and more just hypothesizing how this kind of love would develop #I just realized I linked the same meta post twice lmao I don’t even care

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mazzystar24 · 14 days

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I’m respectfully about to lose my mind at some of the fandom rn with the way buddie shippers are being treated… It’s like no one understands the whole point of shipping a couple is to want them to be together, so duh if something happens that could potentially lead to that pairing they’re going to get excited and theorize? Yes it’s absolutely important for Buck to explore his sexuality outside of buddie but the way people are trying to say that buddie shippers are homophobic for wanting endgame buddie….. when buddie is literally a queer ship? it doesn’t make any sense to me as a queer person myself because it’s like- y’all do realize that buck dating eddie would in fact mean that he is still bisexual, and that people have wanted thst for years, so A) why are we shocked and appalled at buddie shippers for being happy that they are one step closer to endgame buddie, B) why are we calling people homophobic or biphobic when they are quite literally shipping two men together, C) why are we all acting as if buddie endgame hasn’t been simmering just under the surface for YEARS and that if they were going to give us buddie, then thag means buck and eddie would both have to come oit as queer…

I’ve seen so many prominent blogs in the community who have made posts like “buck’s bisexuality has nothing to do with buddie and you are a horrible human for even insinuating that” and so many people are agreeing??? And not to mention the fact that now these same people are trying to villainize and trash on Eddie when in all honesty Buck’s behavior in 7x04 was NOT okay- physically harming someone because they’re not giving you attention is never okay (and i’m saying this as someone whi ADORES Buck, he still needs to be held accountable.)

It just reads very icky to me that so many people are screaming “bi pride” but then spewing all of this vitriol over a ship that would fit within Buck’s bisexuality…

It worries me that the writers are going to see this negativity from people and they’re going to just completely back-burner Eddie’s character in favor of Buck and it disappoints me because even outside of buddie, a major tv show portraying a repressed gay poc with religious and family trauma would be EQUALLY as powerful as Bi Buck is……

but i guess that’s just people only caring about the queer storylines when it’s about a white man since these are also the people acting like Hen and Karen or Michael and David haven’t been there the whole time

but that’s just me i guess….

I’m bullet pointing not to be curt by the way just because I prefer addressing part by part🫶

1. Agreed like this fandom was relatively peaceful then BAM it fully shifted overnight like in the words of Taylor swift THIS IS WHY WE CANT HAVE NICE THINGS

2. Yesss exactly like I’m very much a dont yuck someone else’s yum type of person so like even ships I don’t like I’ll be like okay respect 🫡 enjoy your fandom space love that for you AS LONG AS THEYRE RESPECTFUL TOO and I’m not gonna lie to you I see the primary source of negativity and stuff in the fandom be people who legit never watched anything other than the bucktommy related content (which I kinda have a whole other rant about but I don’t wanna give you miles and miles to read in one ask)

3. Yes to that 100% - buddie is a queer ship the cognitive dissonance it takes to call someone homophobic for shipping them is honestly fascinating atp, Buck is bi canonically now and y’all do realise that who he’s with or if he’s single even doesn’t take away from that right??? Like the rep is THERE and will always be THERE

4. You worded it a bit weird but I got what you meant (I hope) so anyone who didn’t may require a little clarification, the sentiment of bucks bisexuality being separate from buddie I think is 1000% correct and I agree wholeheartedly that a persons sexuality and their journey shouldn’t be just about their love interests but about themselves as a person, the issue people are taking is that 1. The people saying this are saying it on every buddie post even when the same blogs posting it have 177283 posts talking about buck as an individual and as a bisexual man outside of buddie and bucktommy, so it’s sort of become a weaponised statement if that makes sense 2. The buddie shippers are the ones who have been advocating so hard for the show to give us canon bi buck like that’s just fact no one can deny so to the og fans who’ve been here for YEARS (I’ve only started like 2023 ish so I’m not counting myself there) this must be such a total slap in the face to be receiving so much hate now

5. Oh yeah the Eddie bashers can personally come fight me

6. If I’m 100% honest I choose to interpret the basketball injury as being mostly accidental like I think he got too into it and forgot himself and his own force for a second rather than intentionally hurt Eddie, like it so happens in sports, I think it’s like just the after guilt that made him question himself and his motives, idk that may just be me denying canon because it just felt too out of character for me to believe

7. I think the fake bi pride stuff also irks me BAD like some of these people are looking for very surface level superficial representation and if you don’t push for more and more substantial and meaningful representation then you’re gonna get constant variations of the same exact thing and these are also the same people ignoring every other queer character in 911 which is just🙃

8. Idk how much the writers take fandom into account but I constantly say like if they were to listen to fandom they’d go the route they know people wanted for years

9. YES about Eddie’s character like I made a whole post about gay and comphet Eddie and how meaningful it would be because it’s just so so unique and unprecedented

10.HAHSKDK THE CROSSED OUT PART IS WHAT I JUST SAID BUT I DIDNT READ IT GAJSKDKFM

#thanks anon!#can’t remember if I left you long but flowers for you too💐💐💐#eddie diaz #911 abc #911 fox #evan buck buckley #911onfox #911 spoilers #buddie #buckley diaz family #evan buckley #911

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utilitycaster · 8 months

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Whoaaaa holy shit something just snapped into place reading you mention the concept of creating a shape of negative space bc i've been thinking so long abt the "unspoken things/quiet part" of characters. I've often had this feeling that fandom will go a million and nine yards to red string board an ocean of depth for their favorite blorbo over.... what comes down to what's technically extrapolating based off of xyz canon, but said canon will be like "this character fidgets once, half his dialogue is quoting an in-universe play he tries to recreate (by ruining ppl's lives), and he doesn't understand why someone wouldn't want to be called a monster, therefore he is AUTISTIC and that drives his logic," or "this character has xyz vague background and is TRAUMATIZED because of WAR" inventing an entire character and it's like. Oh boy. This might be a matter of not being invested enough in these characters to TRY and delve so "deep" but I keep thinking that none of this is actually. written or feels purposeful in the context of How Storytelling Works/the Narrative to MAKE me invest or think that it's worth doing so. I always wonder how many people are trying so hard to project a better story onto something without understanding that the story actually needs to BE THERE and ADDRESSED, even subtly, and token moments aren't enough. But then that gets me thinking about how Thereness needs to exist for something to be subtle but written as opposed to Conspiracy off loose projection.

I was kinda thinking abt Laudna and how to use her as an example, because she's one of those characters for whom like, yeah I as a person totally understand the cycle of being upbeat and normal and everything and then having a random spiral of Bad Upstairs before being normal again, but narratively how do you portray that and why does everyone do it so much better than her. With equal screentime, everyone feels like they have so much more meat to their motivations and psychology despite some being significantly less fraught backstory wise. What's happening here because things just feel like they come out of nowhere with her with "oh so that matters all of a sudden?"

Hi anon,

Yes to all of this! With regards to your first paragraph - I feel that a lot too. It's a tricky situation because I think it's completely valid to project things onto characters and imagine them to have specific qualities that either you have or simply that you wish to see in fiction. It only becomes difficult in a fandom sphere when people insist that this is a fully evidence-based endeavor and not a personal interpretation (especially because a lot of that evidence is, as you say, either very much open to interpretation, or else totally spurious. The number of times I've had to shoo people off my posts for talking extensively about how an immensely self-absorbed character who never thinks about others unless forced to clearly has ADHD...but I digress). And as for the conspiracy element, especially when works aren't as good - absolutely. If you haven't read this, which I reblogged a few weeks ago (has Good Omens 2 spoilers) I highly recommend you do because what you're saying resonates a lot with OP's post, both in terms of our need as fans to project or find similarities with characters, and the fact that when people are disappointed by a work sometimes they try to create a better one, but instead of just writing fanfiction and calling it fanfiction they go full conspiracy theorist and assume there's some secret twist, and fall so hard into that all-crumbs-no-schnitzel (to borrow a metaphor from that post) fanon echo chamber they forget it is, in fact, only fanon.

Which brings us to Laudna. Before I go deeper I want to cover three things. First: for me at least, this criticism comes because I know Marisha is capable of doing this negative space work. It didn't come up much with Keyleth since we kind of knew her whole deal very early (which, to be clear, is valid; not every character needs this), but it's present with both Beau (her relationship to her father is masterfully done; the hallmark of good negative space work is that when the reveal comes you say oh of course) and to a lesser extent Patia, who, like all the Calamity characters, conveys a story much greater than the one that unfolds over a single night. Second: I think part of why a number of us in the fandom are so frustrated is that we have been doing that work of generously interpreting Laudna since the beginning, but nothing ever sticks, so it's becoming less and less worth the effort.

I'd have to go back through my archives pretty extensively, but early on, the going expectation for Laudna was that she would explore the idea of being one of the bystanders in a larger story as someone killed simply because of a passing resemblance to someone the Briarwoods wished to send a message to; that we'd get insight into Whitestone during the occupation from someone who wasn't freed by Vox Machina but rather killed, indirectly, because of them. However, not only have we not gotten that, but she also was chosen for being special: Delilah chose her as a vessel because of her inherent sorcery. So then it was perhaps about that tension between finding power in her sorcery vs. warlock levels - Pâté seemed like a clear setup for Pact of the Chain, after all - but then Marisha admitted she had no intention of taking that third warlock level, and always just planned to play Laudna as exclusively leveling in sorcerer, until FCG attacked. And meanwhile, there's no exploration of those sorcery powers, either.

Speaking only for myself, I've been interrogating "hey, why is her backstory that she was chased out of everywhere but for the most part everyone is mostly fine with her?" and "in 30 years she did nothing about Delilah? Really?" for quite some time. There's a number of questions that are not just unanswered, but lack the hints that this negative space work would provide. And to be clear there are ways to explain those things! This meta does a good job of talking through why she may have been chased out, and I've floated, in the past, that even Delilah's unwelcome presence was better than the absolute silence of being truly alone. But the work to support these fandom theories, again, is not really being done at the table, and moreover, even if it starts being done...it's episode 70. It should have come up in some capacity.

Marisha said (to be clear, somewhat jokingly) in the 2022 ComicCon panel that "Yeah. I don't want to think anymore. I'm tired," re: Laudna but the thing is...honestly, in my opinion? A character with Laudna's premise requires far more work than Beau or Keyleth to do well. Not only is she tied into one of the most famous events and entwined with one of the most famous villains of Campaign 1, but she's got 50 years of backstory! Beau and Keyleth are in their early 20s! (I could make a whole other post about this but character intelligence does not equal how hard they are to play; Imogen is an immensely tough concept that Laura's doing a good job with and she's lower INT than Laudna. I'd rather play a wizard than a character like Grog any day of the week because I genuinely believe that the acting burden for making a character like Grog sympathetic and believable without going into cheap mockery and parody is immense).

Going back to that statement, it really does feel as though every 4-Sided Dive episode or panel, when Marisha talks about Laudna, it's always just that she was envisioned as being over her trauma, and the premise was always just "make that creepy girl from her nightmare". And even then: it's fine if she'd done that - simply made a creepy character who was here to be creepy and cheerfully macabre - but through gameplay it's become clear that Laudna is not over that trauma (her arrested development being one of many options), and has acquired new traumas to boot, and for that matter never was really over it given that she displays intensely but they come up so inconsistently that there's never any follow-through. I agree with you completely that the idea of her often seeming fine and happy and then having spirals is believable and true to life, but one does need to actually follow through on the spirals - I think a lot of us finally threw up our hands when Laudna's believable, well-played, and justifiable anger and resentment after being thrown across the world away from half the party, essentially pushed into a fight that isn't her own, being betrayed by Bor'Dor, and feeling Delilah's return melted away without resolution. If you want to make a character who's over their trauma and go-with-the-flow, I feel as though step 1 is to not have an eternal reminder of one's trauma permanently stuck in one's head. "Warlock who dislikes their patron" is actually a premise that requires quite a lot of thinking and effort, and we are consistently not seeing it.

I think what's most telling is that the defense of Laudna for the weird freakout this past episode is both vehement, and in conflict with itself. Is Marisha just making a joke (that didn't really land with anyone at the table nor much of the fandom, and was taken at least semi-seriously by both)? Or is it actually great and good that Laudna is incredibly traumatized and clingy and we should all hope she becomes even more clingy and codependent? When even the people who are shielding Laudna from even a whisper of criticism can't agree what Marisha's doing, it's pretty dire, especially when that criticism is "this character feels directionless and incoherent."

So getting back to negative space: It's my hunch that there just...wasn't a lot of clarity to Laudna's motivations, and the questions in her backstory weren't answered. She's creepy and she's kooky, Sun Tree corpse, Delilah in her head, met Imogen two years ago, was friends with a little girl at some point (which we only know from 4-Sided Dive, which is, to be clear, bad that it's never come up in-game). We don't know how she feels about her sorcery powers other than a vague enjoyment of their creepiness...but she also sees them as a way out from Delilah...but she also barely engages with Delilah and hasn't done anything to get rid of her. We have no sense of how she got to "the worst thing that's happened to me already happened" because while it's completely fair to play her as feeling that way 30 years later, I highly doubt she felt that way as she cut herself down from the Sun Tree. So as a result, it's hard to pick a direction because that foundation is lacking.

The thing about that negative space is that to do it well, you really need to know what you're trying to convey. Which is also why, as you say, characters with much simpler backstories are fine; Fearne was basically hanging out at her grandmother's place until EXU and her parents left when she was very young; she is curious about her parents and loves her grandmother and is a chaotic fey entity who was sent into the Material Plane with the Weave Lens, and mostly she just wants to explore and have fun and hang out with her friends. Ashley just needs to...play Fearne like that, which she does with aplomb. The complex setup for Laudna demands a huge number of answers in the backstory, and my guess is that Marisha does not have them. I think the problem isn't with the acting (in fact, I'm fairly confident it isn't, because, again, I know from past characters Marisha can do this); it's that Laudna's concept prioritized the aesthetic, mechanics, and facts of the backstory, and didn't adequately fill in her beliefs and motivations, so she's just flailing. I also suspect from the most recent 4-Sided Dive and the most recent SDCC panel that Marisha is specifically looking for interparty conflict, and to be clear that's valid...but again, to do that believably and well, Laudna's philosophy and motivations and characterization need to be much more clearly established than they are.

#answered #Anonymous #cr tag #long post #critical role spoilers

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