#source: family guy
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*phone buzzes*
Damian: *in the shower* Aw crap! I left my phone on the couch!
Dominik: *picks up the phone* Hey, Priest! It looks like some guy sent you a picture of his dick!
Damian: ¡AY COÑO! FINN, I DON’T HAVE MY PHONE!! STOP SENDING PICTURES!!
Finn: *from the bedroom* I ALREADY SENT FOUR MORE!!
Damian’s iPhone: *receiving text chimes 4x*
Dominik: *Looks at Finn’s pics on Damian’s iPhone*
Damian: *wrapping a towel around himself* Dom, put down the phone! Don’t look at those!
Dominik: Wait a minute, that’s both his hands! Who’s the hell’s taking the pictures?!
Damian: *grabs the phone from Dominik* All right, gimme that phone, and before you judge Finn, you did most of that damage!
#damian priest#dominik mysterio#finn bálor#finn balor#the judgement day#wwe incorrect quotes#incorrect wwe quotes#source: family guy
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Lucifer: Now. Do you or do you not feel bonita?
Sinner Adam, wearing a fitted robe: *long sigh* ...I feel bonita.
Lucifer, grinning genuinely: Wonderful! Because you look bonita!
#source: family guy#soft adamsapple bc yee#hazbin hotel#lucifer morningstar#adam#hazbin hotel adam#adamsapple#guitarduck#chat post
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Natasha: I swear, sometimes I feel like I’m married to a child.
Y/N: You better watch who you’re calling a child, Natasha. Because if I’m a child then you know what that makes you? A pedophile. And I’ll be damned if I’m going to stand here and be lectured by a pervert.
#source: family guy#natasha romanoff#natasha romanoff incorrect quotes#black widow#natasha romanoff x reader#marvel incorrect quotes#marvel#avengers#avengers incorrect quotes
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Jason: I swear, sometimes I feel like I’m married to a child.
Y/N: You better watch who you’re calling a child, Jason. Because if I’m a child then you know what that makes you? A pedophile. And I’ll be damned if I’m going to stand here and be lectured by a pervert.
#batman#dc comics#batfamily#batfamily x reader#jason todd#red hood#red hood x reader#jason todd x reader#incorrect dc#source: family guy
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Bucky: *trying to pull Y/N up from the side of a cliff she fell off of* Y/N, I can’t hang on!
Y/N: Pretend I’m your teammate, Bucky!
Bucky: *loosens his grip*
Y/N: NOT PETER- NOT PETER
#source: family guy#mcu#mcu x reader#mcu incorrect quotes#avengers incorrect quotes#avengers x reader#avengers#bucky barnes x reader platonic#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes#peter parker#peter parker x reader platonic#peter parker x reader
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Scott: Woah! You managed to escape the Hale house? That must have taken some serious cunning!
Stiles: It certainly did!
-----[earlier]-----
Stiles: Can I go outside?
Derek: Okay, but be safe, it's getting dark. Call me when you're home.
Stiles: Okay! [walks out the front door]
#teen wolf#teen wolf incorrect quotes#incorrect teen wolf quotes#derek hale#stiles stilinski#sterek#scott mccall#source: family guy
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Y/N: Mikey, we need to talk.
Mikey: 🙂?
Y/N: I think this relationship is-
Mikey: If you leave me, I'll kill myself 🙂
Y/N:...🤐
Mikey: *cuddles Y/N* I love us ❤️🥰
#Tokyo revengers#yandere Tokyo revengers#manjiro sano x reader#manjiro sano#yandere manjiro sano#source: family guy#Tokyo revengers x reader
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Mikey, waking up from a coma: W-What happened?
Donnie, holding up a book: This should explain everything.
Mikey, reading the book's title: "A Farewell To Arms"?
Mikey: I fell in love with a nurse during World War I?!
Donnie: No, no. Just the title. It's- There's no way you've read that.
#incorrect tmnt quotes#source: family guy#tmnt 2012#tmnt#teenage mutant ninja turtles#michelangelo#donatello
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Remus, lying in a hospital bed: What happened?
Logan, holding a book: This should explain everything.
Remus: “A Farewell to Arms” *GASP* I fell in love with a nurse during World War I?!?
Logan: No, no, just the title, it’s-
Logan: There’s no way you’ve read that.
#intrulogical#remus sanders#logan sanders#sanders sides#sanders sides incorrect quotes#incorrect sanders sides quotes#incorrect quotes#incorrect qoute#source: family guy
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More of BatCat!Bro being from the East End:
*Breakfast the day after Tim took down a drugring*
Tim: Hey, you know what Comissioner Gordon said the street value of that cocaine would’ve been?
BatCat!Bro: Huh, let’s see 4 and a half kilos uncut, nicaraguan… uh, 1,7 mill? That area?
*Everyone at the table turns to BatCat!Bro completely puzzled (except Jason because he knew too)*
Tim, in a concerned tone: …Uh, yeah. That’s… That’s… That’s right.
#source: family guy#tim drake x brother!reader#tim drake x male reader#batfam x male reader#batboys x male reader#batfamily x batbro!reader#batfamily x male reader#batfam x male!reader#batfamily x male!reader#batfam x batcat!bro#batcat!bro reader#batcatbro male reader#tw drugs#tw mention of drugs#tw cocaine#tw mention of cocaine
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Vaggie: You are so beautiful.
Charlie: It's only because I'm so in love.
Vaggie: No It's because I'm so in love with you.
Hazbins: Jesus fucking Christ kill us now!
Adam: This fight was cute and all but it's time to die!
Lucifer: Hey Adam, hi. Lucifer Morningstar, Charlie's father. Say can you do me a favor? You see that hotel there? *proceeds to absolutely fucking DOMINATE*
Lute: Wait. Give me a minute with her, I've got an idea.
Adam: The floor is yours.
Lute: So Miss Vagatha-
Vaggie: Not my name.
Lute: This alleged affair with the Younger Seraphim has been going on for how long now?
Vaggie: Two years.
Lute: And her name is?
Vaggie: Emily.
Lute: And your girlfriend's name is?
Vaggie: Charlie.
*GASPS*
Vaggie: *choking* I'm sorry I misheard you I thought you said best friend.
Vaggie: *clears throat* Charlie is my best friend.
Charlie: Bastard! You lying bastard! That's it! I'm not covering for you anymore! Peoples! I have a big announcement! This woman is Gay And Salvadorian!
*CHEERS*
Sera watching all this from the Judges seat: What in Heaven's name is happening right now?!
#hazbin hotel#charlie morningstar#vaggie#adam#lucifer morningstar#lute#sera#emily#chaggie#incorrect hazbin hotel quotes#incorrect quotes#source: revenge of the sith#source: family guy#source: legally blonde
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Dominik: We need to figure out how we’re gonna survive without Mami.
Finn: *Points to vent* If JD could get through the vent, he could sneak out and randomly mess with someone on our behalf. Then we get the tag team titles back.
Damian: Right, good thinking! JD, go shoot up Drew McIntyre’s kilt with your phone and send it to me.
Finn: PRIEST!
JD: Damian, I can’t go through the vent!
Damian: Yeah, we need to grease him up so he won’t get stuck. Everybody, spit on JD!
*They all hawk loogies on JD*
JD: Stop! STOP!! I don’t want to do it because Drew is down there.
Damian: He ain’t gonna touch you, you’re covered in spit. Take it easy!
Dominik: You got this, JD!
Damian: *tosses JD through the vent*
JD: *from the vent* I HATE YOU ALL!!
Finn: I hate you too, bitch. No, just kidding. Can you imagine?
#damian priest#finn bálor#finn balor#dominik mysterio#jd mcdonagh#the judgement day#drew mcintyre#incorrect wwe quotes#wwe incorrect quotes#source: family guy#rhea ripley#rhea hasn’t been gone for one week and already these guys are up to no good
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The following conversation is in russian:
Heavy: *takes a deep breath* Mom, sisters, I really like Doctor Ludwig.
Mama Heavy: *sweetly* Well, why not, Misha? Doctor Ludwig is a very nice boy.
Heavy: *more insistantly* No, mom, I mean I really like him.
Zhanna: *bluntly* We heard you the first time, Misha. You have a homosexual attraction to Fritz.
#source: family guy#TF2 Heavy#TF2 Heavy's Family#TF2 Zhanna#TF2 Medic#team fortress 2#incorrect quotes#heavymedic#red oktoberfest
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Pepper: I swear, sometimes I feel like I’m married to a child.
Tony: You better watch who you’re calling a child, Pepper. Because if I’m a child then you know what that makes you? A pedophile. And I’ll be damned if I’m going to stand here and be lectured by a pervert.
#source: family guy#tony stark#tony stark incorrect quotes#iron man#pepper potts#pepper potts incorrect quotes#pepperony#marvel incorrect quotes#marvel#avengers#avengers incorrect quotes
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Y/N: Jay, we need to talk. I think this relationship has—
Jason: If you leave me, I will kill myself.
Y/N: [sighs in defeat and pats his hand]
#batman#dc comics#batfamily#batfamily x reader#jason todd#red hood#jason todd x reader#red hood x reader#incorrect dc#source: family guy
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Toddler!Y/N: Do you or do you not feel Bonita?
Bruce: *sighs in tired dad; his nails all painted different color and makeup that makes him look like a clown smeared on his face* I feel Bonita.
Y/N: *clapping excitedly at her work* Wonderful! Because you look Bonita!
#source: family guy#batfamily x reader#batfamily incorrect quotes#dc incorrect quotes#batfamily#dc x reader#dc#bruce wayne x reader platonic#bruce wayne x daughter reader#bruce wayne x reader#bruce wayne
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