#so i understand my point of view is skewered by that
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maybe im not understanding or perhaps im pushing back, living within your means just comes off as dumb to me. stupid, even. sure, theres saving. you should save, but to *live within your means?* was looking at articles to see just how much people were living paycheck to paycheck in the united states, good 40 percent. jeez yk. i understand you got to save, but at the same time, to live within your means is to accept that we're bleeding money and we're gonna continue bleeding money if things keep going down this route. and it has, and it has continued to do so. and i know theres not much i can do but work and catch up, cuz ive found myself going paycheck to paycheck, but its like. i dont think its sensible that things go up, but wages continue to stay the same. and everyone is saying this, yeah yeah whatever. not new bingo. im just rambling. no i dont want to live within my means, i want to not wake up stressed about how much money i have and whether or not i can pay shit off. im not gonna live within my damn means, i got a fucking life to live. i dont even spend money like that nowadays, but im gonna damn fucking spend it on things i want in the rare case i even want anything.
#fool's monologue#other perspectives allowed ofc. if u have anything to add#im just urgh#living within my means? shut up#i do think im biased and also a little frustrated#so i understand my point of view is skewered by that#but equally#every year prices go up and we're told to live within our means#even when the means get lower and lower and lower and lower#when does it stop
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are we still friends? status: yes, but only friends...
kuroo tetsuro x black fem reader
genre: college au, smut, childhood best friends to strangers to best friends to lovers
warnings: cussing, men hitting on you, alcohol consumption, NSFW 18+ MDNI, there's a plot, slight begging, nipple play, oral (f. receiving), kuroo is like a soft dom (?), penetration, overstimulation, whiny kuroo, praise, slight size kink, good girl/angel/pretty girl is used
word count: 5,388
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a/n: this is my first time writing smut pls be nice 🧍🏿♀️
Condensation drips onto the table and the sound of other’s conversation carries into your booth. You sip on your drink, half-listening to the conversation of three men at your table.
“Are you single, y/n?”
“Why?” You tilt your head, a flirty smile on your face, “Are you finally gonna confess your love to me, Kotaro?”
“Actually, he has a crush right now.” Akaashi chimes in.
Your spine instantly straightens and your eyes narrow in on him. Bokuto refuses to look at anyone, instead, he turns his head to the side and you get a good view of his ears which are now flaming a bright red.
“Who?” Both you and Kuroo question.
“A figure skater that practices in the rink below their gym.”
“Akaashi….” Bokuto whines.
“You have to show me a picture.”
Akaashi mouths a “later” and you nod in understanding.
The pro-athlete clears his throat, “Moving on, are you single or not?”
“Of course she’s single,” Kuroo answers for you.
You glare at him, “You’re acting like I didn’t have a boyfriend two months ago.”
Tetsuro snorts, “That loser?”
His tone is one you’re familiar with, it’s how he says something without actually saying it.
“I just feel like you’re trying to say I'm a loser by association.”
“Why would I go through all that trouble? If I wanted to call you a loser, I would just call you one, loser.”
You flick him in the forehead and the boy lets out a high-pitched “ow” and you turn your attention back to your other friend.
“I am Taro, but why?”
“Atsumu likes you and won’t stop begging me to set you guys up.”
You’ve met Atsumu on several occasions and you get along with him well enough, but you only ever saw him as Kotaro’s teammate. When you were around him, you couldn’t fathom having anything other than platonic feelings for him and if you were being honest: sometimes he gave you a headache.
“Oh. Then I’m not single.”
The three boys erupt into loud laughter and you wait for them to calm down before continuing.
“He’s incredibly fine, don't get me wrong, but Atsumu is so….”
“Atsumu.” Everyone fills in the blank, knowing smiles on their faces.
“Yeah, exactly. Whoever ends up dealing with that personality of his, bless their heart.”
The conversation shifts from love interests to something else, and a small smile bends your lips. You were so happy that you could hang out like this again; that you and Kuroo are back to what you used to be and you’ll make sure it never ends up any different.
The talking dies down a bit, everyone's focus is on the food in front of them, that’s until Bokuto and Akaashi share a look before leaning towards you.
“We want to know more about your ex-boyfriend.”
Men are so incredibly nosy and will never admit it.
“There’s nothing to really say. We were together and now we’re not.” You shrug.
Kuroo waves around his skewer like a gavel, “I never liked him.”
You roll your eyes, “You never like anyone I date.”
“They aren’t likable people.”
“But I like them?”
“And there’s something wrong with you, I keep telling you.” He puts a hand on your shoulder in fake pity, and you slap it off.
Akaashi sighs, knowing that the two of you will be at this back and forth for a while.
You point at yourself, “Something wrong with me?” and then you poke him in the chest “Yet I’m not the one who is perpetually single or when I do date, I don’t get dumped.”
Bokuto laughs and Kuroo shoots him a hard look. Since high school, everyone has quickly learned that trying to argue with you was futile, but Kuroo was the only one who could kind of keep up with you.
Kotaro’s eyes light up and he first points at you, “If Tetsuro doesn’t like anyone you date,” he then uses his other hand to point to the boy next to you “and you always get dumped.”
“Hey!”
“Why don’t you date each other?” Bokuto looks so pleased with himself like he found the answer to everything wrong in the world. But you two? You almost knock a drink over in shock and Kuroo chokes on the piece of chicken he’s chewing on.
“Excuse me?” You say, incredulously. You really cannot believe your ears, it’s not like this is the first time you’ve heard this before, but it is surprising to hear it from someone that you were both close with.
Keiji’s eyes widen a fraction and he looks at the two of you in slight disbelief, “Wait, the thought has never crossed your minds?”
You look at each other, mutual agreement in your eyes as you both shake your heads and go, “No.”
“Tetsuu has always been just my best friend.” You add.
The man’s voice is a bit hoarse due to his previous choking spell, but he coughs out a “Yeah, same.”
The blue-eyed man raises an eyebrow at you, “You’ve never had feelings for each other?”
You put a hand over your heart, “I haven’t. As for Testuu…. I don’t know, we all know he’s weak to a pretty girl. Poor thing is so easily swayed.”
Kuroo crosses his arms over his chest, “And who told you were pretty?”
“Your father.”
This descends into another argument between the two of you; and Bokuto counts the amount of times Kuroo makes an indication he’s offended and Akaashi counts how many times you tell him to “Shut up talking to me.” It’s a little game the two of them play when they know they can't stop you from verbally attacking each other. You finally calm down and dismiss Tetsuro with a “Whatever, don’t talk to me.”
“Are you guys coming to my friend’s pre-grad party? It’s next next Friday.”
Akasshi and Bokuto look at you with sorry expressions, telling you that they have important tests or a game that weekend. Your lips start to fall into a pout and your eyes begin to widen, and they immediately look away because they’ll crack at your puppy-dog expression and you weaponize it so well.
Kuroo raises his hand, “I’m going.”
“Well, you’re not important.” You wave him off.
“Oh, really? Have fun going by yourself.”
Your arms wrap around him and he tries to escape, “You know I love you the most. I was just playing.”
The music is so loud you can feel the bass in your bones. You readjust your mini skirt and touch up your lipgloss before the door swings open and Mika pulls you into a tight hug. The words exchanged between you two are so fast, and Kuroo can only catch a few compliments on each other’s outfits and asking if that person is here. You turn to the man next to you and introduce him, explaining that Mika was your best friend in Osaka and you’re so excited that you finally get to meet each other.
The three of you talk a little bit more before you send Kuroo to the kitchen to grab drinks. Your curly-haired friend instantly hooks her arm with yours and looks at you with a proud smile.
“This is the best-looking boyfriend you’ve had,” She tells you.
“What?”
Mika lists the attributes she thinks are working in Kuroo’s favor, “He’s tall, has a nice voice, and knows how to listen.”
You wave your hands and shake your head, “Mika, wait. He’s my best friend.”
“Sure..” She puts her hands up, making air quotations as she speaks, “Best friend.”
“Why are you doing that? I’m dead serious right now.’” You lean into your right hip, your arms crossing over your chest.
Your friend mirrors your pose, “Okay, so how come I haven’t heard about him before?”
“Well, we fought and then didn’t talk for two years. And you have, remember when I said I made up with my friend a few months back?”
“Oh, that’s him? Ahh, I see what’s going on here.” Mika has a dreamy look in her eyes and she brings her clasped hands up to her cheek, “You decided to take your relationship to the next level because you’re scared to lose each other again.”
Your friend is such a hopeless romantic, you both are, but she’s one in a fairytale way.
“What? No, we’re just friends.”
She looks at you with a sly smile, “Okay~”
You sigh, what is up with everyone lately? “Mika, seriously.”
Kuroo returns, placing the ice-cold bottle on your exposed midsection and you yelp in surprise. He laughs, eyes sparkling with mischief as he hands your friend her drink. She looks at the two of you with a knowing smile, and you give her a light slap on the arm with a warning: “Behave.”
The three of you move to the dancefloor and dance for what feels like hours, there’s a thin layer of sweat that coats your body and your limbs start to ache from the constant movement. Mika was whisked away by someone she’s been talking to. You and Kuroo continue on in her absence, screaming lyrics to one of your favorite songs and as it ends, he tells you that he has to piss and you scold him for being so vulgar.
You exit the crowd and Kuroo makes his way to the bathroom, you take this as an opportunity to lean against the cool wall. Your eyes flutter close as your breath starts to even out and then suddenly, you feel someone stand directly in front of you. Your eyes open and you’re met with a man you’ve never seen before.
You don’t let him get one word in and hit him with, “I have a boyfriend, he’s in the bathroom.”
He puts his hands up, “I haven’t even said anything.”
“And? I’m letting you know.”
“Let your boyfriend know that he shouldn’t be leaving such a beautiful girl on her own.”
You roll your eyes at him, men never know when to quit. You don’t say anything else and wait for him to leave but when he doesn’t, you let out an annoyed sigh.
“I’m waiting for your boyfriend, making sure you’re safe. Plus I know how you girls are, playing hard to get by saying you're taken.”
You scoff and your head starts to pound from his stupidity. You glance over your shoulder, praying Tetsuro comes back soon. You spot his tall frame and almost yell out in relief. When he makes his way over to you, he doesn’t even acknowledge the man who is hellbent on lingering.
Your hand curls around his bicep, “Babe, you took too long.” You pout and Kuroo feels his heart begin to speed up. Why are you looking at him like that?
And why did he like it?
His face is clouded with confusion and the other man can tell, and you really hope you can put on a convincing show. Your eyes dart between your best friend and the unidentified man who is a few steps away. Tetsuro catches on and presses a quick apology kiss to your temple like a real boyfriend would do. It’s a routine he’s used to; always fending off men who couldn’t get the hint and usually, they would run off after one look at his tall stature and hard gaze that borders murderous. But this one is particularly stubborn.
“Sorry, angel. There was a long line.” The raven-haired man finally turns his attention to the other boy, “Can I help you?” Kuroo’s voice is harsh and he steps in front of you protectively.
“Do you really think I’m going to believe this lie? He didn’t even seem sure you were talking to him.” His words are aimed towards you but you don’t offer him the luxury of a reply.
Tetsuro’s jaw clenches and his hands ball into fists- he looks so angry. And your brain is going haywire because why does he look so sexy? His voice drops an octave and your heart speeds up, “I don’t give a fuck what you think. We don’t have to prove anything to you.”
The other man says something but you’re getting tired of this fast. You grab Tetsuro by the collar of his shirt, your faces level with each other and your lips at his ear, “We’re gonna kiss. Is that okay?”
His voice is too quiet for anyone other than you to hear, “Okay.”
Then you smash your lips against his, and you forget all about whoever was bothering you. Kuroo is an amazing kisser, his lips are soft against yours and you can taste the berry chapstick you lent him. He kisses you like a prayer desperate to be answered and his body is pressing you flush against the wall, while his arms are caging you in.
Tetsuro knows this is for show, he knows this is to prove that asshole wrong but the way your plush lips are moving in perfect sync with his is enough to send him to an early grave. You taste like bubblegum and the best time of his life. He wants to devour you with each kiss, he wants to hear what sounds you make, and when he bites your bottom lip; he gets a preview of the sweetest moan he has ever heard.
When your lungs can no longer survive without a new breath, you pull away for air. The stupid man had left with an angry grumble the second your lips touched.
“Thanks.” You breathe out.
Kuroo’s cheeks are a soft pink, “No problem.”
The two of you separate and you tell him you’re going to look for Mika, skipping off like nothing ever happened. But his hands touch his swollen lips as he watches the way your hips sway as you walk away.
You push your apartment door open and when Kuroo steps in, you let it slam behind you with a loud bam. You’re glad your roommate took a couple’s trip with her girlfriend because the amount of noise you’re making right now is disrespectful. You’re beyond tired and not physically, mentally. The kiss still has your head spinning and as for the rest of the night? You spent it putting a considerable distance between you and Tetsu, and you hope he didn’t take offense to it but even being able to feel his body heat or catch a whiff of his cologne was driving you insane.
You walk into your room, turning on the lamp and it envelopes the room in warm light. With your back towards him you ask, “Do you want to shower first?”
Kuroo sighs quietly, his heart racing at the thought of mustering up the courage to take this step. “We’re still friends, right?”
You turn around so fast, thinking that your actions during the latter half of the night hurt his feelings.
“Why wouldn’t we be?”
The man’s eyes meet yours in the dim lighting, his pupils are dilated and his gaze flickers to your lips.
“I want to kiss you again but as friends…”
You want to ask him to repeat it but you hear him loud and clear, and your response rings even clearer in your mind.
“If it’s as friends then that should be fine.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
Then his hands on your waist pulling you in and his lips on yours, kissing you like a man starved. Your arms wrap around his neck and somehow you feel like he’s kissing you even better than before. Your fingers toy with hair at the nape of his neck; Kuroo moans into the kiss and you smile, and he just about loses it.
He needs to touch you more.
Tetsuro’s hands climb up your waist, passing over your chest, and grazing your hardened nipples before they settle on your face. The action causes you to gasp and he takes it as a chance to slip his tongue into your mouth. He groans at the feeling of being even closer to you; his knee slips in between your thighs, pressing against your clothed core.
You pull away for air and a soft “fuck” falls from your swollen lips. Kuroo doesn’t stop, he just moves on to your neck, sucking and biting. You tilt your head to give him more access and he’s whispering your name into the marks he leaves behind and you’re damn near melting in his arms.
And right now you’re not thinking about the implications of kissing your best friend.
No.
You’re thinking about fucking him.
Tetsuro knows you’re crossing over into dangerous territory, and he knows himself. If he kept going like this he wouldn’t stop and he doesn’t want to push towards a boundary you might not want to cross. So, he pulls away and you whimper at the loss of contact. You try to pull him back in by his belt loops but he takes a small step back, and your hands lightly dust over the tent in his pants and he hisses at the contact.
He’s about to give in to your silent demand for more but he wants to mess with you, he couldn’t help it. It was the dynamic the two of you have and it’s hard not to give into it.
“You know I always tell you to use your words. So, tell me what you want, angel.”
He’s just teasing, he’s always just teasing.
But, your brain is foggy with lust and need, and you need him in ways you never thought possible.
“I want you to fuck me, please Tetsuu.”
Never in a million years did you think you would be begging for Kuroo Tetsuro but here you are, eyes boring into his and your heart hammering against your ribcage.
Tetsuro’s face flushes a bright red and his cock strains against his pants; he didn’t expect this. He wants to tear his gaze away but your eyes are sinful and you’re looking at him like he's the only man in the world. And god, you don’t know what it does to him. Kuroo wants to ruin you, he wants to make you feel like you’re the only girl in the world, he wants you to be so lost in the pleasure he brings you- all you ever think about is him.
“Only ‘cause you asked so nicely.”
The first thing to go is his shirt and your hand trails down chest and stomach, the muscles flexing under your fingers. Kuroo wants to comment on how you’ve seen it before but a few open-mouthed kisses to his collarbone steals the words right out of his mouth. His hands drop down to your mini skirt but they falter and you give him a nod to tell him it’s okay but his hands still don’t move.
“What’s wrong?” Your tone is a bit impatient but still concerned nonetheless.
He smirks, “Kinda wanna fuck you in it.” You want to tell him to do it but he’s already yanking it down with a “But it’s too pretty to ruin, just wear it for me another time.”
Another time?
He’s getting caught up in the act, don’t think too much of it.
The rest of your clothes follow and Kuroo leads you to the bed with a kiss as he expertly removes your bra. Your back is now flat against the mattress and he takes no time to leave a trail of kisses from your lips to your sternum. Your breath is heavy and everywhere he touches feels like it’s on fire. And when his mouth wraps around your nipple, his name tumbles from your lips in a whine.
Kuroo looks up at you, his tongue swirling around the bud and his fingers playing with the other one. You're a mess- he’s making you a mess, and he’s loving every second of it. His dick is painfully hard but you have to get off first before he even thinks about himself.
“So pretty.” He mumbles against your skin, his mouth switching over to the other side. You clench around nothing and you can feel your arousal slide down your thigh, you’re aching for him in one place and you’re growing impatient.
“Tetsuro,” You grab one of his hands and trail it down your body until it’s right where you want it. “Here, need you here.”
A string of curses leaves his mouth, you’re going to kill him.
“Fuck, you’re so wet.” He uses his thumb to rub slow circles on your clit and pleasure shoots through your every nerve. Your eyes flutter close and you don’t even see him move down, but you do feel his tongue lick one languid stripe along your slit.
“Oh god.” You moan out and your hands fly to his hair, tugging at the ends. The boy continues his ministrations, switching between slowly licking your folds and sucking your clit. Cries, moans, and curses fall from your lips and they only egg him on. You taste so good and he only wishes he could’ve done this sooner, he could eat you out until daybreak or until his last breath: whichever came first.
“Need you to cum on my tongue, pretty girl. Can you do that?” His voice vibrates throughout your core and your hips grind against his face on their accord.
You nod furiously and Tetsuro chuckles at your enthusiasm, the vibration pulls another sweet sound out of you and it sets him off. His mouth is moving like its one purpose is to help you reach bliss and he’s doing a damn good job.
Kuroo’s long fingers prod your entrance and when your eyes open again, you find him staring at you, the question burning in his gaze and you don’t trust yourself to form a coherent answer, so you nod and he pushes them in.
He pumps his digits at a slow pace, making sure you can feel all of it and you feel the familiar knot start to tighten in the pit of your stomach. And Kuroo can feel it, in the way your walls clench around him. So, he speeds up and curls his fingers, hitting that sweet spot over and over.
“So close, Tetsuu. I’m so close, please.” You don’t even know what you’re begging for but Kuroo’s tongue applies just the right amount of pressure on your sensitive bud and it sends you over the edge.
Your vision goes white and euphoria takes over every single one of your senses, your body shakes and your best friend’s face is drenched in your juices. Tetsuro doesn’t stop, he helps you ride it out, enjoying the view of you coming completely undone at his hand.
“You look so pretty when you cum on my face.” He’s lapping up all evidence of your orgasm and you start to push him away, the feeling is overwhelming.
“Too much,” You whine.
“Give me one more, please? You taste so good, angel. I don’t wanna stop.”
Your mind is fuzzy with pleasure and though the overstimulation is a bit painful, it hurts so good.
“Okay.” And his tongue is on you once more, and it doesn’t take much for you to hit that high again and you do it with a scream of his name.
Tetsuro comes up and meets you with a kiss, and you can taste yourself on his lips. The kiss is messy, full of wanton need that puts the sin, Lust, to shame. And you can feel Kuroo’s hard cock in between your thighs and it brushes against your wet slit, he whimpers into your mouth and you realize he’s been holding back the whole time.
You pull away and sit up on your elbows, there’s a sex-drunk smile on your face and Kuroo almost cums on the spot at the sight.
“Are you gonna make me wait all night?”
That’s all he needs to hear and he’s pulling open your nightstand drawer and grabbing a condom. He rips open the foil packaging with his teeth and slides it on, his eyes never leave your frame even when yours drop down and widen at the size.
You can never tease him again.
Kuroo hooks one of your legs around his waist and places the other on his shoulder. He lines himself up with your entrance and slowly starts to push in. Your moans mix together like a forbidden melody as his tip makes it past.
The stretch burns and tears prick the back of your eyes, the pain is burning pleasure but god, you don���t know if you can take all of him. Tetsuro is trying his hardest not to lose control, but you feel so good around him, your walls soft and fluttering against him as they try to adjust.
“F-fuck, you feel like h-heaven.” His words come out in a whine and you love the way he sounds.
He’s barely halfway and you’re already feeling so full. “Tetsuu, it’s so big. I don’t thin-”
He cuts you off, “I know, I know but you’re taking me so well, pretty girl. Just relax.”
And you do as he says, and he bottoms out with a hiss and you cry out.
He moves with slow strokes and soft moans fall from your lips. His dark eyes are full of passion and his voice is breathy, “Such a good girl when you listen to me. Where is this usually, hmm?”
You turn your head in embarrassment, you’re usually quick to say something smart and shut him down. But, right now? You’re hanging on to his every word and doing as he says.
Kuroo stops moving and you mewl out, “Keep going.” Your head is still turned and your eyes are closed.
“Look at me.”
You refuse, still trying to get him to continue fucking you without giving in to his demand. He starts to pull out and you sob at the feeling of emptiness.
“Look at me or I won’t do anything.”
Your head turns and your eyes open, and he smirks like he’s won a gold prize. “Good girl.”
And he’s slamming back into you, his pace is fast and unforgiving. Sweat gives his skin a light sheen and the sound of skin hitting skin and how wet you are, echo throughout the room. You can’t even form words because Tetsuro is fucking them out of you and every time he compliments you, you clench around him and he groans.
“You feel so good, baby.” He pulls you even closer to him, angling himself and he hits that sweet spot that has your walls spasming around him.
“Tetsuu” You whimper out.
“You like when I fuck you like this, angel?” You’re so full of him, you can feel him in your stomach. He’s relentless, hitting that spot over and over again. You can’t even answer him because he’s slowly pulling out and then reentering just as slowly, making you feel every inch of him.
Your pussy is so warm around him and he stutters, you’re milking him and he doesn’t know how much longer he can keep going.
“C-can’t answer? Am I- fuck.”
Kuroo can’t even finish his own sentences, the way your face expresses pure bliss and how you squeeze around him, is driving him insane.
“S’good.” You slur, “You’re so good to me.”
“Yeah? You treat me even better, pretty girl.” That name makes you tighten around him and his strokes start to turn sloppy, “Letting me taste you, letting me inside you.”
He’s so close and you are too, and his hand snakes its way in between your bodies. He rubs your clit with the pad of his thumb.
“Tetsu, gonna cum if you-” The combination of his thumb and his cock hitting that spongy spot has your mouth falling open in a silent scream.
You pulse around him, and Kuroo lets out a whiny, “Shit, I’m cumming,” and he’s spilling into the condom.
And just like earlier he doesn’t stop, he continues drilling into you even if he’s sensitive to the point it hurts. He’s repeating your name over and over again in the form of whimpers and you’re clawing at his back; your fourth orgasm of the night taking over your entire body until you’re seeing stars and Tetsuro follows right behind you, filling up the rubber once more.
The man gently places your legs back on the bed and his head falls onto your shoulder, your breaths are heavy and uneven. He pulls out and you make a quiet noise at the feeling.
“Sorry.” He mutters, placing a soft kiss on your collarbone. Kuroo gets up, takes off the condom, and ties it before dumping it in the trash. He also picks up his boxers, putting them on as he walks over to your bathroom. You hear the sound of the shower and while your body is spent, the thought of a hot shower gives you just enough energy. Your best friend comes back out and picks you up bridal-style, helping you get to the bathroom. He sets you down and your feet come in contact with the cold tile.
“Can you stand? Or do I need to help you shower?” His voice conveys his concern but his eyes also tell you he’s being cheeky.
You shoot him a look, “I think I’ll be fine, thank you.” You brush past him, legs a bit wobbly and you hear him stifle laughter. You throw him a glare over your shoulder and he only smiles.
Tetsuro exits the bathroom after you step into the shower, he picks up all of your abandoned clothing and tosses it into the hamper. He changes your sheets and collects his thoughts; this isn’t very platonic of you and he starts to worry that it’s gonna change everything between you two.
And he can’t handle it if your friendship is ruined, again. But, he quells his negative thoughts and tells himself you’ll cross that bridge when you get there, even though you’re only a few steps away from it. For now, he won’t act as if nothing happened but he won't let it change anything either.
Even if there is a tiny voice in his heart hoping that it will.
You step out of the bathroom, your pajamas hanging loosely on your body and your face fresh and glowy. You look around your bedroom, admiring the new sheets and clean floor. Kuroo looks at you, his face full of emotions you can’t name and you desperately want to know what he’s thinking. But, you couldn’t even figure out what was going on in your own mind. You only stare right back at him, and you wonder if the two of you are communicating with your expressions. Assuring the other that it was okay and the conversation would be had at another time.
Tetsuro breaks eye contact first and walks into the bathroom, smiling at the scent of your body wash that still lingers in the air. He steps into the shower, letting the water carry away his worries and relax his muscles. His mind is replaying how you looked at him earlier, he couldn’t decipher what emotions your eyes held but he knows that everything is okay.
Sleep is starting to tempt his senses and he knows you’re probably making your way to dreamland. He steps out of the shower and quickly finishes up, and to his surprise, you’re still up. Your phone is shining on your face and when you feel the bed dip on the opposite side, you look at him and place your phone down. Kuroo lays right next to you, wrapping his arms around you and it’s not like you’ve never slept like this before, but it feels much more intimate this time. But you find comfort in his warmth and the smell of his skin, and your eyelids start to feel heavy.
You tell Tetsuro to turn off the lamp and soon the room is completely dark. You can already feel the dull throb in your muscles and you mumble to yourself, “I’m going to be so fucking sore.”
Tetsuro lets out an airy chuckle, “I told you it was big.”
You kick him and he grunts in pain, your voice is quiet but still as sharp as ever,
“Shut the hell up and go to sleep.”
a/n: this is my first time writing out a full smut like PLS give me constructive criticism because i would like to write more in the future but i also wanna be better and more comfortable,,, okay hope you enjoyed !! <333 (also someone wanted to be tagged but i wont tag u if you're an ageless blog !!)
#haikyuu x y/n#haikyuu x black reader#haikyuu#haikyuu fanfiction#haikyuu fanfic#haikyuu x reader#mik0rin’s masterlist#saturn’s masterlist#kuroo tetsuro smut#kuroo x black reader#kuroo tetsuro x reader#kuroo testuro#kuroo tetsuro x you#haikyuu smut#haikyuu kuroo
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I have seen the point being made that you don’t have to be in a romantic relationship for some behaviour to constitute domestic violence. I’m seeing this said with regards to Our Flag Means Death and what some people perceive as domestic abuse on Ed’s part - that him not being romantically involved with Izzy shouldn’t mean behaviour between can’t be considered domestic abuse.
It is an excellent point that in many places, the definition of domestic abuse isn’t restricted to intimate partners! It is often widened to consider any violence, coercion and emotional harm taking place within a home environment. Under this definition, children can be victims of domestic abuse by their parents, it can occur between siblings, even roommates - especially with a live-in landlord situation. And of course, the Revenge as well as being a workplace is ultimately where the characters live.
I think it’s very clear that the show is a workplace comedy about pirates, but if you want to apply the definition of violence, coercion and emotional harm within a home environment to your reading to the show, that can be done.
Of course, I would be surprised if you genuinely view it that way and still made it as far as even watching Season 2, given the way what you consider to be domestic abuse in this fictional setting happens so very often with little to no moral consequence, and is often intended to be taken as a joke.
I mean. In the very first episode, the crew talk about killing Stede, and begin to plan for this, including lighting him on fire.
Jim threatens Lucius and actually physically locks him in a small wooden box in the second episode for what seems to be quite a long time.
I think in 4, Izzy pulls on Fang’s beard and it really upsets him. He also talks pretty openly about the intention to kill the Revenge crew, though I’ll let that go at this stage since he doesn’t really live there so much as being there for the purpose of murdering them and stealing their stuff. Still, poor Fang, that looked like it hurt.
While we’re on Izzy, he does also actively try to kill Stede by stabbing him, and he then he goes and does the olde worlde equivalent of calling the cops on him on the intention of having him executed, which seems pretty fucked up on the ‘violence’ part of our DA definition but also hits pretty hard on coercive control since he’s doing this to get Ed to behave differently.
He does prevent the Navy from executing Ed, which is nice, but he does point out that he regrets this, which, ouch, emotional harm. If we’re doing real world definitions, “I should’ve let the cops I called on you murder you” is the sort of thing that would make me feel pretty fucked up. And we all know what it means when someone tells you to watch your step.
But it’s not all about Izzy! (It’s really not, guys, there’s a whole TV show here!) Buttons bites Lucius - who ends up needing the whole finger gone! And he’s a visual artist!
Even my darling man Roach tries to eat the Swede, and I’ve gotta say, I don’t think they were on that island long enough to justify murder.
And who could forget Mary?? Wonderfully written character, love her, but, she does with malice aforethought attempt to kill her spouse in his sleep with a skewer. She was right to do it, in my opinion, but y’know, even without broadening the definition beyond partner relationships, murder of your spouse is pretty classic domestic abuse.
So, y’know, the point I’m getting at really is that if your definition of domestic abuse is violence and control wherein the perpetrator and victim share a significant aspect of their lives like living space - that’s a fine definition in real life. It is the one I use, in real life. But if you apply it to Our Flag Means Death, I really don’t understand how you stomached watching the first season or why you came back for more.
And if you only apply this definition with regards to Ed’s behaviour, but not the rest of the characters, I do wonder why that might be.
#our flag means death#ofmd fandom#ofmd#ofmd season 2#trigger warnings#domestic abuse#warning for domestic abuse#domestic violence#crew of the revenge#izzy hands#edward teach#stede bonnet#apparently I woke up this morning and chose discourse#I don’t know why#but there we are#the izcourse
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the idol!reader stuff eats so bad but barely anybody does it
I am particularly passionate about this type of reading. And taking advantage of the moment, I leave here an old idea that I never gave a chance to. ;)
nct dream (hyung line) working with ex idol!s/o.
•----------••----------••----------••----------••-------•
genre: idol!reader, ex to lovers (?), smutty, adult language.
•----------••----------••----------••----------••-------•
✭MARK:
Looking from a professional point of view, it was such a great opportunity. You could finally get to do another kind of concept, show other side of yours. Besides, you knew very well how much of a talented idol Mark was. Your team almost beg you for you to do it, them just freaking out with the attention y'all would get.
Even when you accepted there wasn't really a lot of meeting with your ex. Untill the MV shooting day at least. There you were, watching Lee from far while finishing your make up. He was receiving instructions from the director.
"Hey..." your voice sounded quietly.
"Hi!" his eyes turned out similiar from a lost puppy. "You look nice... I mean, it´s nice seeing you." he just got a short smile from you. "Your part it´s really great"
"Of course, you must think so since you composed it" he stammered a bit before correcting himself "No, I meant you made it a lot better."
Before any more chances to say anything the director made you two start the work there. Both of you acting the way you were supposed to. Inside, you were annoyed and still feeling a litle hurt, on the Mark´s side, he was feeling awful. He knew it was his fault that the break up happened. You were the most understanding girlfriend ever, since you knew what beeing an idol means. But you also got tired of waiting for your turn, to get attention. He lost weeks not even calling you while on tour, but you didn´t. Always texted and videocalled him.
After a lot of fighting you gave up and clean the way for him to focus just on that. Lee really tried to see as the best thing for you both but he was suffering every day since. His members made him notice who the jerk was. He smiled like a child on Christmans morning whwn you agreed to collab with him. It was the last chance and it would be worth.
Hours passed out, your ex complimented and took care of you all day long. Those who didn´t knew about your relantionship were surprised by how a gentleman he was with you, who just tried your best not to fall for his sweetness again. Especially when you found a letter on your bag during a pause.
It was his hand writting and his true feelings. Apologies all over it, confessions like that he writted the love lyrics of the song for you and that he never stoped loving you. Admitted he was wrong and childshid and was ready for trying again if you do too.
''Oh boy'' you thought as seeing how good he was with words while they were on paper.
The last ''Cut!'' was heard and you carefully whisper at him "We can have dinner, that´s all." you bet he was happy. "Better not wase my time."
"I would never dare to do it again."
✭Renjun:
Beeing in a relantionship with him was sweet, comfortable and lovely. But unfortunally this only was like this when you still a trainee. When you had a chance to debut it all changed. Schedueles, dates, you lost time together and all the fighting started. You just didn´t talked with each other anymore since the end. Until you worked together in a survival reality as judges.
Everybody noticed how you were always on opposite sides and skewered each other for your different opinions. There were even compilations of yours fights, that carried a lot of chemistry and tension, on the internet every week and the audience loved this intrigue.
Eventually, they ended up having to help the same team, which made them put their fights aside and gather even behind the cameras looking for a solution to help the poor trainees.
"I can't understand your point" you rolled your eyes laughing "Of course you never did." he huffed "It's not all about you, though you may think so..." you were discussing what would be the best direction for a choreography.
"You're so childish! It's obvious that this step is better! You take it, however, you lose your balance at a certain point and end up almost falling, if it weren't for him catching himself abruptly. Eye contact was present and you felt your mouth go dry and your hands sweat.
"You should be more careful!" he puts you back on your feet, still holding tight to your waist. "If not what?" he looked down at you "What?" you then repeated "If not what will happen?"
"I'm going to have to teach you a few things…how to respect your elders." "How?" He sighed, smiling with some anger. Took you to the wall attacking your lips aggressively as he squeezes your waist again and you lose your fingers in his hair.
✭Jeno:
Starting to date with your co-worker wasn´t a really a good idea, especially if him was another MC from the TV show you worked on. But who could blame you for not resisting to Jeno? I mean, look at him right?
You should´ve said "no'' the first time he asked you out, but was too late now. After a few months you two had a big fight because of diferences on toughts and were obligated to work together for at least five weeks more. You runaway for as long as you could but after a quick tour on Asian you had to get back. But it was clear that he wasn´t going to make this easy.
A lot of smiles and flirting talks run free during the meeting for planning the week and when you were on make up session.
"Just shut your mouth up!" you yelled as soon as the stylists leaved the room.
"Why? Need it shut for you to kissed?"
"I´m gonna punch just on the midle of your face."
"The face you love." he smiled all playfull.
"I simply hate your attitude and confidence, you´re not that all." you roll your eyes as you listen to him laugh. "What?"
"It´s fun... the way we were making out on that sofa a few days earlier and now you are saying this stupid thing..."
"You are stupid." he got up, walking to behind your chair and facing you through the mirror. "Really, darling? Only because we had a silly fight you think that?"
"You know it wasn´t silly" you sigh. "For me it was, anything that keeps me away of these beautyful lips it´s silly..." he pus both hands around your shoulders, caressing exactly the way you like it.
"Don´t...don´t touch me." you hesitate before spinning your chair to his front. "I´m not going to fall for your charm again."
"So I do have a charm." his high was cut in half by his knees touching the carpet. "You fall once, sweetheart." he blinked slowly before biting his lower lip. "Let´s not promise things we can´t deal with later, ok?"
The door was open after three knocks, reveling the hairstylist team. He came back to his chair, with a cheeky smile. Oh, he was so sure you would be his again, just in a matter of time...
✭Haechan:
You really didn´t wanted to finished things with Donghyuck, but unfortunately beeing famous demanded a lot. When you noticed your, just recent, relantionship with him was making Haechan a lot distracted from his work you felt guilty. With wich power could you make him risk everything if you got into his life few days ago? So hard, but you did it. Lied and end it all because of "mental confusions".
But here you were, getting ready to practice a dance stage with him for an award concert. The fans picked you two for it, based on your aparently "friendship", and you get bad to your side if you recused.
Very diferent from what you expect, he was normal around, at least for his general behavior. He joked around with the dance instructor and tried to make you laugh, he wasn´t awkard at all. However, you felt very strange inside.
Luckly, you guys were quick with it and finished the day earlier. You grab your things nd almost run to grab the elevator, the same he stops putting one hand between the doors.
"Oh, isn´t such a coincidence?" he pressed the bottom on the metalic wall.
"I guess..." you smiled weakly.
"I didn´t get why you so weird around me..." he sigh slowly. "I should be the one to be like this, since you broke my heart few days ago, right?" even though his words looked painfull he was smiling yet. "You really didn´t had pitty for me, y/n..."
"Haechan, I..." your felt like falling as the elevator lurched and its lights were replaced by a darker, apparently the emergency one. "What´s this?" you grabed your bag stronger.
"Don´t worry, this one always do something like it, just wait a few minutes." he put his back at one wall.
"What? Why didn´t you told me before?" he looked down "I ask the same to you..."
"Come on, it´s not the same thing!" you frowned at him. "All we can do it´s wait, i swear it happended before."
"Fine... but I won´t be listening to you atacking me or my motives during this time!"
"I wouldn´t do it." he shrugged. "Even hurted, I know you didn´t mean anything that you said." "What?" the man came closer "It may look like not enough time, but I nkow you well by now. You were concerned."
"About?" he looked up "Me giving all of me in this...what did you called it? Hookup time."
"You can´t be sure of that." you tried to get back but he grabbed you wrist "But I am, as much as I decide to forgive you for this." he put one hand on your cheek "Also sure that you missed me how I missed you..." And everything happened quickly, the touch of lips, the lights and the elevator coming back and the doors opening in Jaemin and Jisung's faces who watched everything with a shocked face.
•----------••----------••----------••----------••-------•
#kpop#kpop imagines#mark lee#nct#haechan#gn!reader#kpop reactions#jeno#renjun#nct dream hyung line#idol!reader#nct dream reactions#nct reactions#nct imagine
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Yearning PART 2 || Phillip Graves x Reader
(Yes I'm reusing gifs WHY NOT)
Word count : 1.5k I got lazy sorry ✋
Part 1 - https://www.tumblr.com/c0wb0yenthusiast/711174567062798336/yearning-phillip-graves-x-femreader?source=share
Summary : It's your birthday barbecue and your dad invited the whole neighbourhood, Graves included. Tension is thick (hopefully)
Warnings : I left it on a cliffhanger IM SORRY 😞
inspired by @rors-grvs diet mountain dew fanfic! I recommend checking it out :)
Taglist - @sarahs-secrets2, @mentallynot-here
After note : IF EVERYONE IS IN AGREEMENT THAT WE WANT A PART 3 THEN MAYBE MAYBE 🤷 IM JUST SAYING
✮
You hadn't expected the whole neighborhood to attend your birthday party. If you had it your way, it would just be a couple of friends and family - however, your dad may have gotten carried away.
"Sorry, I just thought it would be a nice surprise for you.", he explained to you on the front porch, while music could be heard from the yard.
"It's fine, can I have a moment please? I'll be there in a second." you responded, shooting him a small smile but immediately dropping it as he left. The whole neighbourhood? God, how would you even survive the party?
It wasn't that you necessarily hated the effort, it was just quite.. Surprising, as your dad had worded it.
Taking a breath and stepping inside the house, you were immediately swarmed with people crowding every inch of the place - it took you a painstakingly long time to reach the backyard.
As soon as you reached outside, the smell of charcoal and cooked meat was something you were unable to ignore - making you look in the direction it was coming from.
Phillip.
No. No way.
He was standing by the grill, a skewer in his hand as he laughed and socialised with anyone passing by to probably compliment the batch he was whipping up. He was clearly soaking in all that adoration, his smile clear as day from your point of view.
Should you approach him? It wouldn't be anything weird, just saying hi.
Maybe not, maybe you should ignore him-
Before you could continue arguing with yourself, it seemed your legs grew a mind of its own and carried you across the grass towards him. He caught sight of you and you could almost see the way his smile changed subtly in that moment.
"Y/N, happy birthday.", he grinned, turning to the table behind himself to place down the freshly prepared burgers.
"Thanks." you paused, before adding hastily, "Did.. Did you know my dad would do this?" your voice lowered to a whisper.
Phillip leaned in slightly to hear you better and shook his head, chuckling, "No, I wish though. He surprised me too."
"Oh."
"Why?"
He was facing away from you once again, raising his voice so you could hear him over the crowd. You tried to keep it discreet, but in all honesty, you didn't understand why you were forcing your voice to lower with each passing second.
"Well, you know, I just- I just didn't realise it would be-"
"The whole neighbourhood? I figured. I came in to set up and he just didn't say anything about it.", he was now resting his hands against the table opposite you, titling his head slightly.
"Yeah, It's fine though. I don't mind."
"Fine by me. You want something to eat?"
That caught you off guard - now making you realise what he was wearing. A flannel with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, an apron then tied over it with the bold letters 'kiss the cook' stamped onto the front. It was no doubt it was probably a secret santa gift from one of the local women in the area, as he was known to be one of the most attractive men in the neighbourhood. You didn't want to think where your dad was on that list.
"Uhm, alright, just put me a little of everything.", you were trying to tear your gaze away from his apron - but he saw and raised a brow.
"Like the apron?"
"It's... Interesting."
"It's prompted quite a few of the guests to follow the instructions." he handed you a plate, which made you notice the rubbed off lipstick on his cheek. It was close to the scar on his cheekbone, now making you analyse his face for a little too long before snapping out of it and blurting out a response.
"Ah Ms-"
"Yeah, she felt lucky I guess."
He sighed, before shooting you a smirk, "Well, you eat up so you can enjoy your special day on a full stomach. I got you a little something too, I hope you'll like it."
"Ah, you didn't have to-" you began, but shut your mouth as you caught the glance he threw your way. It's no problem, darling. That's what you knew he would've said, or whispered, possibly leaning close so you could hear him, thick arms caging you against the table behind-
"Happy birthday, Y/N!" an auntie approached you, her beads and bangles making sound as she beamed and kisses your cheek.
"Oh, thank you, auntie!" you hadn't expected her, or anyone for that matter, to come over to you.
She encased you in a hug, yammering on about how special birthdays were - but you were only focused on Phillip, who'd turned back to what he was doing previously.
✮
Over an hour had passed; the air was humid and you'd moved into the house after nonstop talking to guests and celebrating.
Some had left, but your family and Graves had stayed behind to eat cake and watch you open your presents. It was like you were a kid again - only a little bit humiliating in front of Graves.
You decided just to not focus on that and enjoy your birthday, it's your day after all.
You were tearing open your presents, saying 'thank you' and hugging your family when you got to Phillip's gift.
It was relatively small, but there was a card that came with it.
Tentatively you took the tape off and opened up the wrapping for the item to drop into your hand.
Lipstick.
"Ah, I think I forgot the other gift at home. Sorry." he added with a bashful chuckle, seeing your face light up at the present.
"It's.. It's really nice, thank you Mr Graves." you smiled at him, turning it over in your hands. The exact shade you've always wanted to try, it was a pricy brand too.
You placed the card at your side; you were tempted to read it now but wanted to keep it aside.
Your dad now got up, "It was fun while it lasted everybody, but I've got work tomorrow and she's got to revel in all her mice gifts now."
Slowly but surely, everyone was now leaving and cuddling you before walking out the door.
Everybody except Graves.
"John, let me help you clear up. I'm not busy."
"Ah, I don't want to do that you to man-"
"Nonsense! Now that I've started my spring cleaning, it seems I've got a knack for it." his gaze lingered on you as he spoke.
"Alright, just don't do everything or else I'll feel bad. I've got to sort out the garage. I'll be back, sweetie!" he called out as he withdrew his keys from his pocket and you heard the door shut.
You were still seated in the living room, now reaching for Phillip's card before he could come back in.
Happy birthday, gorgeous.
I hope you like the gifts
xxxx,
Phillip
Just as you finished reading it, he had entered the living room and was now leaning on the door frame.
You turn and your eyes meet.
"I guess it's just the two of us, huh?" he may have been smiling, but you caught the way his breath hitched once he realised it was the first time the both of you were alone today.
Phillip came closer, standing by the couch and looking down at you with a smirk. You could feel his eyes now scanning your body, noticing how you got all dolled up today for the occasion.
You couldn't help but laugh, "Sorry- gorgeous? That's corny." you chuckled, getting up next to him.
"I meant it though." he replies, furrowing his eyebrows slightly.
"Oh.." you smiled, looking away.
"Oh, okay, let me try the lipstick." you lean over and pick it up from the couch, opening it hastily and glancing around for a mirror.
"It's fine, I'll do without." you muttered, now opening it, swivelling the lid and revealing the lipstick.
Your hands were unsteady as you gingerly held it up to your lips, concentrating on where to apply. Slowly, you covered your bottom lip and pressed your lips together.
"Does it look okay?", you pouted at Phillip, before shooting him a grin.
"It's cute, the perfect colour." he was oddly quiet, his gaze focused on the rouge. He swallowed hard.
Oh my God.
He wanted to kiss you.
You wanted to kiss him.
You were both silent apart from the sound of your breathing filling the living room. Standing only inches apart from one another, he couldn't stop looking.
You bit your lip, resting your hands on his shoulders smoothly. Now that you were both so close, the scent of his cologne filled your lungs. It was addictive. Playing with his flannel collar, you broke the silence.
"Phillip?", you whispered.
"Yup?"
You crashed your lips onto his, wrapping your arms around his neck and pressing yourself against him.
Phillip was slow to react, but soon enough he hoisted you up, allowing your legs to wrap around his torso as he pulled away for air.
Maybe it was the intoxicating cologne, or possibly just the fact that this dress was getting way too tight. But you were getting desperate.
"Where's.. Where's your room?", he mustered breathlessly, breathing hard between each word.
He was an absolute mess. His hair had been ruffled from the sudden movement and now was falling over his eyes. His lips were.. God, they were stained with your lipstick.
"Upstairs. Second door."
#phillip graves#cod mw2#fanfiction#cod mwii#cod mw2 fanfic#phillip graves x reader#call of duty#warren kole
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Over the years, the way I viewed and portrayed Hidan’s religion has evolved drastically (welp, it’s been over a decade now, so it was inevitable), so I thought I’d write a small update concerning key elements and fundamental principles, in no particular order.
1. Indoctrination. In all verses, Hidan’s relationship with Jashinism is based on cult-like brainwashing indoctrination and a direct result of purposefully-inflicted trauma. There was no cute pamphlet and deep conversation that led to a voluntary and effortless change in mindset. In all verses, Hidan’s introduction to and acceptance of Jashinism is a result of prolonged and relentless, physical and psychological torture that lead him to believe that pain is god and worship and that death is a blessing (and highly desirable). Dude was literally experimented on when he wasn’t even an adult. (also, he lives with PTSD every single day and doesn’t even know/understand the concept. would be highly offended by it, too.
2. Isolation. Jashinism is highly isolatory and its belief system, in essence, serves to cut the practitioner away from any other potential associations, be they social circles, spheres of influence, or emotional entanglements of any sort (all of which may potentially threaten its principles). By setting the practitioner apart from others, it reinforces its own dogma (can’t be challenged if there are no possibilities for that challenge to even happen, you know).
Whilst not dissing other religious practices, it highly discourages emotional attachments to other people. . .. including other practitioners of the same faith (you’re not allowed to trauma-bond, my pals, lest you suddenly have an epiphany and decide to revolt). You grow attached to another human being, either platonically or romantically? You gotta kill them – kill thy neighbourand all that. On the surface, this is the highest level of sacrifice you can possibly offer Jashin: what you most love. Deeper still, you’re basically further isolating yourself from others by either avoiding connections beyond the superficial (a very Hidan-esque thing! he’s quite sociable and pleasant, but he’s one of those people whom you realize you spent time with but don’t really know-know at all) or brutally severing them once they’re formed (also known as slaughter and human sacrifice!).
3. Jashinism & Suffering. Similar to Buddhism, a precept of Jashinism is that (unenlightened) life consists of inevitable suffering. Birth is suffering. Aging is suffering. Sickness if suffering. Despair, pain, grief, attachment, desire is suffering. However, the release from suffering, in Jashinism, is death.
4. Pain is pure and good and grounding and leads to enlightenment. You should be thankful to and praise your pain.
5. Hidan doesn’t believe he is the bad guy. He doesn’t get his kicks out of just mindlessly skewering people (or himself, see the point above). In fact, he believes he is The Bestest Boi, and that his raison d’etre is holy and useful and good. He has surrendered his own death in order to serve humanity and Jashin, and bring enlightenment and, ultimately, death upon others. In that sense, he selflessly gifts his death to others. He’s such a good boi, Jashin loves him.
6. Immortality. Hidan believes that he will be allowed to die only when he has accomplished all the tasks set out for him, and all of Jashin’s demands (he only has a loose idea of what these are, btw). He strives towards this goal. He’s not afraid of dying, but welcomes it. In the same breath, he doesn’t believe that anyone cankill him. . . .. except his god. Death is his fun lil’ treat and the carrot Jashin dangles at the end of the rope for him, so to speak.
7. Jashinism has many symbols and associations (as well as associated practices). A vague visual post can be found here.
8. Jashinism is absolutist in some of its commandments, but it is not monotheistic. Hidan will look at you oddly if you were to preach a monotheistic doctrine to him, or even insinuate it. He mayserve Jashin, but he does not acknowledge Jashin as the only deity to exist (and, in fact, Hidan will pray at various shrines and holds all faiths in high some regard). Fundamentally, Hidan’s belief system is a mixture of Shinto, Buddhism, and Christianity principles/themes. I won’t really elaborate here, as if would take pages, but to understand Hidan’s beliefs, you must have some understanding of Shinto (a large part of his practices and beliefs revolve around it.)
In modern verses, Hidan’s parents are “born again” Christians. As a result, he is both well-versed in Christianity and, as a direct result of his upbringing,disdains it/holds it in contempt.
9. Jashism tag.
#✧. ┊ ― ᴊᴀsʜɪɴɪsᴍ. ( holy. holy. holy. )#about tag tbt.#( to be updated whenever I want to add stuff. )
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2023.03.08 - https://weibo.com/l/wblive/p/show/1022:2321324877116570206653
Happy holiday!!! (International Women’s Day)
BGM: Chong Zi OST - Heavenly Light (天光)
LYN: Today we’re on a new computer and I had to re-install everything, so if we face some technical difficulties please understand. This is a new computer... and... yeah. If it freezes or some other issues come up later please be magnanimous.
C: The video is so clear.
LYN: Right? It’s a new computer. You know that no matter what I do I have to have the best equipment for it. I can’t just be satisfied with I have- I still need to upgrade my equipment and improve your viewing experience. I’m thinking about these things every day. if I’m going to do something then I want it to be exquisite. I was using my laptop to stream, but it’s been freezing for the past few streams. I doesn’t really matter if the video freezes, but sometimes even the beauty filters dropped. If I streamed and the video froze and the filter dropped, how much do you think that would hurt my market value? I don’t mind for everything else, but I couldn’t stand the filter dropping. So I decided there was a need to update my equipment.
C: Ning-ge, this filter looks like it’s overcompensating.
LYN: It’s not on! How can you say that about me. I don’t have a beauty filter on... just a little blur. So that I look decent.
C: It’s kind of fuzzy.
LYN: No way.
C: It’s super hq.
LYN: Right?? Someone even said, “Ning-ge, it looks like you’re going to crawl out of my computer.” The 3D effect is very perfect.
C: The background is blurry though.
LYN: That’s what we’re going for- the focus! I can’t with you- if I even try to upgrade a little bit, you all can’t stand it. You can’t take it if it’s too high quality??
C: It’s like I’m wearing VR glasses.
LYN: No, it’s not THAT exaggerated. As long as you’re watching with a pleasant temperament and you’re comfortable, nothing else matters.
C: What should I say?
LYN: There’s nothing that says you HAVE to make comments in my stream, but if you want to say something you can. As long as it’s not cursing or nonsense, it’s fine. Whatever you want besides is all good.
LYN: Today’s a holiday, so I thought I would come stream. Since many of you are female, right? :) I could meet with you and... maybe this also counts as a holiday bonus. But it’s possible I could have disrupted your plans. If you’re going out or you’re busy, you can go about your business. I have time in any case, so I’m just going to stream and chat a little, nothing else.
C: Ning-ge, you’re dressed like a security guard.
LYN: I look like a security guard?? /sigh/ Friend, I just want to point one thing out- (this is) Prada. You just don’t understand fashion, there’s no way we could have any discussion about it. I can’t talk about this too deeply with you- you don’t understand fashion.
LYN: The other possibility here is that it could be a nice brand, but when it’s ON ME I make it look like security guard clothes. I just look like a security guard, is that it? Well, even if I WERE one, I’d want to be the head/leader. We have to strive for the best, no matter what job you’re doing. X’D
C: It’s so HQ you look like you’re photoshopped in.
LYN: This is why you can’t have nice things. The video quality was just alright before and you found it comfortable. Today we’re a little higher in quality and you’re not used to it. It’s more focused to the background is blurred, and you can’t take it. /sigh/
C: You look like a cutout.
LYN: Uhm....
LYN: I have a green screen. Right now I’m by the sea. Just to show that I am at home and earnestly streaming for you, I set-up a green screen. The bg is fake. I’m at a roadside bbq stand right now. I’m eating bbq by the sea.
LYN: /pretends to talk to someone offscreen/ Hey, give me a skewer. You can grill it first, I’ll eat it later. I’ll eat it after I finish streaming.
C: I can hear the sound of the waves.
LYN: XD
- /tries to play a track called “Waves (海浪)" but can’t figure out how to work his new computer/
C: Desktop computer?
LYN: I was using this laptop before /points at it in the bg/, but it’s been unstable. I think after turning it on and connecting it and everything else the CPU “exploded”. So I decided to use the desktop since it would be more stable. It looks a little different from when I stream on my laptop but you’ll be fine when you get used to it.
C: What does “CPU” mean?
LYN: “CPU” is... the energy you use to process. Your brain has it too. Sometimes when you’re listening to someone talk and you can’t figure out what they are saying- at times like those your brain CPU is burning. It’s how you process- people and computers both have it.
C: CEO.
LYN: “CEO” is in a company. The president is usually called the CEO.
C: Ning-ge, I’m going to be in my third year of junior high soon. I feel so much pressure.
LYN: Why do you feel pressure? Junior high... is ok, right? Then you take the high school entrance exam, so... do well. If you get into a good high school, you can get into a good college, but it’s really nothing to be too nervous about.
LYN: It’s International Women’s Day, so let me sing a song for all the women who are here. Is that ok? Are there very men- my brothers- in the stream now? Don’t mind it, alright? I’ll sing a song for all the women to celebrate the holiday. What should I sing...? How about... “山下的女人是老虎” (Women Are Tigers)? Is that good? Or... “三十岁的女人” (Thirty Year Old Women)? ~She’s a thirty year old women, who hasn’t married yet.~ No, that’s too much. What should I sing??
- /brainstorming/
LYN: 大女人 (Big Woman)? That will work.
LYN: /out of breath/ I’m dizzy. // I’d like to wish everyone a happy holiday.
C: It feels like you just ran 1km.
LYN: I’m sweating. This is tiring.
C: Ning-ge, your face today is so three dimensional.
LYN: What are you saying? When you normally see my face are you just seeing a (flat) pancake? My face is a pancake? The kind you can roll a spring onion in and eat?? I have always been very three dimensional, okay? It has nothing to do with the beauty filters. I am naturally three dimensional.
C: It’s mostly because of the background.
LYN: The background is blurry so you feel like I stand out? /sigh/ Fine.
LYN: I keep seeing the song “烏梅子醬” (Dark Plum Sauce). You were telling me about it in my last stream, too. I’d never heard of it. But recently I’ve been scrolling through the micro-video platforms and I always hear this song. // There’s no accompaniment. Then, I can’t sing it for you sorry. I was planning on it.
C: My mom wants to hear “愛情的故事“ (Love Story).
LYN: Then play it for her. You don’t have a mobile phone or computer at home you can play it for her on?
C: Lao-da, the director said he had shot a very amazing scene- what is it?
LYN: I don’t know either. I didn’t see it. An “amazing scene”? Every scene in this drama is amazing, I’m not sure which scene in particular you are referring to? There are so many things I have never done before. Every scene in this drama is like a challenge to me because I’d never shot something like this before. There are some things- like dying- you have previous experience for. Once you’ve died so many times, you learn how to act and can eventually just adjust accordingly for each situation. But the thing is you have to have some basis for it. With this drama I’m facing a lot of things I had never shot before. While shooting for this drama I am really starting to feel the impression that acting is an endless skill.
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C: Ning-ge, your face is red.
LYN: It’s because of the song I sang earlier. It has nothing to do with the drama situation. I just got a little too into it earlier, with “Big Woman”. What are you talking about- how could my face be red? The beauty filter is on so high, there’s no way you can tell that my face is red. That’s nonsense.
-
C: Is the bath water cold or not?
LYN: It’s alright. Normally it’s- OH?? What bath water are you talking about? My house has a hot water heater- the water isn’t cold.
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C: Ning-ge, your face really is so red.
LYN: It’s not red! It’s because the filter is set to the normal color. Sometimes with my previous streams people would say that I was so white I looked dead. It was too bright, so I thought “Ok, forget it then” and brought some color back. Maybe if my face looks a bit redder I’ll look more lively and young. And if I look young, along with the blur filter, there could be the possibility that some school-setting scripts come to look for me. XD On the off chance that someone wants me to act as a junior high school-er or something.
LYN: I’m joking. But there really was a script before that asked me to play a college student, which I could not live up to either. “This role is that of a college student. We start of on a college campus. We follow him starting after he graduates from college and what comes after, but it starts off in the college setting.” I told them, “I’m not very suitable... I can’t even convince myself that I’m a college student.”
C: It’s acting, though.
LYN: I wouldn’t even be able to act that out. I just couldn’t get past this hurdle, in my mind. They were very nice about it though, and came back with, “Then, how about we make you a PhD student? It’s a few tiers after that of a college student- so then the role and the age of your face match up.” I replied, “There’s no need, thanks.” I just couldn’t get past it, myself. So it’d be a joke if I played as a junior high school student.
C: You can play as someone who was held back.
LYN: How low would this character’s IQ have to be in order to repeat enough years to match up with a face this old?? They repeated the sixth grade for 18 years??? They just never graduated elementary, and stayed there for 18 years. The school principal has even changed three times in that time! Even the homeroom teacher’s kid would be attending school. That’s not going to happen, I’m too old.
C: Ning-ge, you look 25 at most.
LYN: You don’t need to be so polite. It’s your holiday today, don’t tell me nice things. Today I’ll tell YOU nice things. You don’t need to say anything nice to me.
C: What about time-traveling back to your school days?
LYN: Time-traveling is okay... I know what you’re talking about- something like Goodbye Mr. Loser, right? He traversed back into his school days. I mean... if the actors around me are also around my age then that would be fine. But if I went back and all the students were played by actual 16-17 year olds and here I am at 30+, I wouldn’t be able to take it.
LYN: The most romantic thing I can think of doing is buying a computer with you. When we’re old we can’t go anywhere. Then we’ll stay at home and play on the computer. (Altered lyrics to 最浪漫的事 (The Most Romantic Thing))
LYN: BYOL has let me know it’s time to start voice acting. But this drama was shot with original audio, so for the voice acting we’re only going in to supplement small parts. Parts where there was noise interference or a line of dialogue wasn’t said well or clearly- those parts will be voiced over. So in the next few weeks... if I wrap up early I’ll probably go to do the voice acting for BYOL. I was thinking of going today but I have to get into hair and makeup at 6a tomorrow morning... so I’d have to wake up at about 5:15a. I thought about it and decided not to go into the studio today and come back to stream instead. I won’t stream for too long though, because I have to wake up very early tomorrow. I have some scenes I still have to do homework for as well. I won’t stream too long.
C: I hope one of your dramas airs soon.
LYN: I’m not in a big rush. I feel more at ease when I have projects in stock. If they all air at the same time and I have nothing in stock I’ll feel uneasy. I’m not in a rush. To be honest- and this can come across as arrogant, but it’s just my state of mind- since I stream then even if my dramas don’t air, my fans still won’t forget me. My antis won’t forget me either. They will let me uninterruptedly appear in front of the public’s eyes, so that you can’t forget me. They all say artists need exposure, right? This is also a type of exposure.
LYN: I think the closest dramas to air would be ALZ and TXJ. I think it’s possible that these two dramas I participated in will air first. I don’t know about BYOL... and then it’s YNGS. I told you about how I wrapped a little early today- and I went to the editing room for YNGS. After I saw what was going on, I- let me think of how to say this... Ning Yuanzhou is a character I really like a lot. The love I have for this character is hard to put into words. This role is too abundant. Including all the other actors, the director, and crew- it’s a drama I really, really like. I think the role of Ning Yuanzhou is the best opportunity I met with at the perfect time. I was easily engrossed in the story and I really like the character a lot.
LYN: It seems like many of you mention sometimes, “Ning-ge, why do you never mention YNGS in your streams? Is it because you don’t like the drama?” No. I love YNGS so much, I’m crazy for it. I don’t want to mention or talk about it because in the process of filming for it I was looked down on by a lot of people. The so-called passersby or the people who said that they know me or don’t- didn’t think I deserved or was worthy of the role, and I can understand. I’m not worthy. You were right. But during the process I was ridiculed so much. Sometimes I couldn’t understand. But my mind runs a mile a minute and later I ended up thinking it through- it’s actually a good thing.
LYN: No one is anticipating the role of Ning Yuanzhou or YNGS at all and that’s the best situation, to me. I really hope that all the people who thought I wasn’t good enough for the drama maintain that way of thinking. Because their expectation of me in that role is already extremely low. “LYN is ugly. LYN isn’t worthy.” LYN this and that- everything negative. Their expectation for me is already so low that it can’t get any lower. Very rarely are there roles that people have such low expectations for. The interest in this drama is high, but the interest in me is low- and I think that’s a good thing. Even if I have the slightest sliver of a highlight in this drama, it will light your eyes. If I give them the slightest bit of surprise, they will suddenly think that I actually have something worth watching for. Do you understand this logic?
LYN: So that’s why I don’t want to mention or bring up YNGS- because I want them to maintain their low expectations. It’ll be at least a year until it’s able to air so I want them to keep their expectations for me low. When the drama airs I’m sure they’ll watch it- even the antis. At that time I hope I can give a small surprise. Ning Yuanzhou. 500+ scenes, almost 600. It’s the most abundant role I’ve acted in since I first became an actor. Everything I could have wanted, the crew gave to its utmost ability. This includes styling and wardrobe, and props. I am satisfied with everything. That drama... you can wait to see it. The reason why I’m saying this now is because I want to tell my fans- my own people- I have never disliked the drama YNGS. l I have never been disappointed in this drama. Just the opposite- I am full of affection for it. I really love the character of Ning Yuanzhou- you’ll know when you finally watch it.
LYN: I went to the editing room and saw about the first six or seven episodes? It’s a rough cut, though. Nothing is fixed. They’re just putting the general sequence of events together and will go through more thorough editing later. I was watching bits of the first few episodes. After I watched those clips I went home and laid on my bed- I couldn’t sleep. I was so tired, but I couldn’t fall asleep. I won’t say anything more.
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C: You’re trending at #32 today.
LYN: In the hot topics or the entertainment section? I don’t believe I have the qualifications to be trending. I’m not worthy.
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C: Were you stunned by your own handsomeness (so you couldn’t sleep)?
LYN: I wasn’t stunned by myself. I have a mirror! I know what I look like in the mornings- it’s not enough for me to be stunned by my own good looks. I’ll just tell you a small detail. When I was watching the clips, one of the producers were there, too. I’ll only share my own reaction, and you can analyze what it means on your own. I watched the first episode and I asked, “Could we not add the beauty filter so aggressively?” Because nowadays if a drama is too forward with it’s editing people are going to roast it, saying, “Look at this drama! They added so much filter the actor’s skin looks too good! So clean. So handsome. It’s too fake. It’s not realistic.” And they ended up telling me they didn’t do anything to the video. They only arranged the clips, and hadn’t touched up the coloring or done anything with the video. What I was seeing was just the result of what was filmed on site. I said, “Oh~ Is that so~? :D”
C: So you WERE stunned by your own handsomeness.
LYN: Honestly, I did give myself a bit of a surprise.
LYN: How despicable. You caught me bluffing. XD In any case, I want to tell everyone that I really enjoy YNGS and the role of Ning Yuanzhou. Of course, even if you’re not my fan I hope you can also anticipate this drama, alright?
LYN: Eh? Where did- did the location change? For the laugh track... /working out the buttons/
C: Ning-ge, you don’t like Wei Shao (his character in Zhe Yao)?
LYN: Tsk. What nonsense are you saying?! How could I not like the role? Don’t you dare spread this false rumor, because my director like to surf the internet. XD Director Deng Ke likes to surf the net, what if this gets around and he sees?? What the heck- what do you mean I don’t like Wei Shao. What nonsense. Later if they end up deleting my scenes I would have come here for nothing!
LYN: ZY is really good! I like it a lot!! I had some choices, but chose ZY in the end precisely BECAUSE it was good. I remember when I saw the script- I was still shooting for the other drama- I was in hair and makeup. You have to find the time to look at scripts, still. So I was getting my makeup done and reading the script and after three episodes I was hooked. I started reading it like a novel. I think the ZY script was excellent. How can I not like it?? I’m shooting for it right now. It’s great.
LYN: Wei Shao is a character I like a lot. It’s a role that is hard to grasp. To me as a rookie actor, this role is full of challenge. Very many challenges. A lot of the situations are testing my limits. It is certainly adding to my experience as an actor.
C: Tell us about it.
LYN: How about I tell you about one small detail? For example earlier, when I told you about playing out a death- how when you play it out often enough... you start to understand the basics of what goes into it and can play with each method of death. Like, if I know I will die by gunshot- usually they play out like this: /demonstrates getting shot/ and they open a wound here, and then you’re on the floor and dead. There’s a certain logic that you know you have to follow. But for this drama there are some situations where I find myself having to go online and find reference material for. I have to go learn. For example, I would search: “Most “XYZ” scene in a Korean drama that “XYZ”.” I need to search, to see how other people do it. There were a lot of things for this drama that I had to search for material for. I have to learn. Even though I have an acting coach, they still can’t teach me how to do THAT.
C: Did you learn how?
LYN: I- I’ll learn slowly.
- /clears his throat/
LYN: There’s growth with every drama.
LYN: Let me drink some water. Cheers.
C: Ning-ge, don’t be corrupted by bad examples.
LYN: /laughs/ Where is this coming from? Friend- are you naive, or do you think that /I/ am naive?? How could I be corrupted? I’m THIRTY+ YEARS OLD. I’m not some 17-18 year old momma’s boy who just debuted and are just entering into society. I’m not- I’m already 30+ years old. How could I learn anything and be corrupted by it? XD
LYN: I just said I couldn’t even pass for a college student and now you’re telling me not to be corrupted...
C: Right! Ning-ge, you’re a 300+ month old child.
C: Lao-da, do you still remember The Truth?
LYN: ? I didn’t know I had the ability to erase that memory from my mind. I said that everyone’s brains had CPU- did you think that was true and I could accidentally delete what I stored there?? Of course I remember. On top of that, the actors I see every day were the guests on it. How could I forget it? But, what are you trying to get at?
C: What about Luo Mingxi (ALZ)?
LYN: Are you pretending to be reporters, and you want to interview me now? You’re testing if I have what it takes as an actor, to have something to say in response to your interview questions?
LYN: I really like the role of Luo Mingxi. It’s amazing. // Actually the role was alright. I had fewer scenes, is all. Also it’s been almost two years- I shot if about a year and a half ago, right? After Luo Mingxi I filmed a bunch of dramas already... I really like the role, and had about 300 or so scenes. I saw a bit when I was voice-acting, and although I was only seeing my own parts, I think... I just hope that the viewers don’t curse me out for being ugly. They’re not there to see me, though. They just want to see the male and female leads. I’m just there for the fun of it.
LYN: There’s an interesting facet to Luo Mingxi, though. When I went in to do the voice acting for the role... even though while shooting the drama we don’t shoot scenes in sequential order, for voice acting usually we start from episode one. When I was done one of those days, there were still five or six episodes left and they were in a rush to have me complete my part. I don’t know what happened- but it just so happened that I had a sore throat in the days following. I still had five episode’s worth of lines to read. But my voice was hoarse, so how could I do the voice acting?? Not like this- /speaks in a pinched voice/ it wasn’t hoarse like this. If I could control my breathing I could still give it the lightness it needed. My voice was hoarse for five or six days, but I still went to try if I could do the voice acting. They were in a rush, so I would try. If I couldn’t do it, then we would put it off. I did two episodes’ worth and found out... it was the exact feel we were going for!
LYN: I’m not trying to praise myself in saying that. I just thought that my sound plus the character really suited each other and I was wondering why. It was because in the later episodes Luo Mingxi was quite ill. He was sick and would cough at any time! /says a line/ It was really fitting!! It seemed like things happened at the right time and place. After I finished the voice acting I was so hyped up about it. It was too well suited! In the later episodes he’s quite ill and coughs a lot- his lungs are in bad shape- and it was just really quite coincidental! It’s the fortune found in misfortune. My voice was hoarse but it ended up being a good thing!
LYN: When I voice act, it comes out bright and with strength. I don’t like to make myself sound too breathy, because people online are always complaining that actors sound weak. So in the earlier episodes for Luo Mingxi, I pretty much treated it as if I were voice acting for Zhang Fei (ancient Chinese warrior). Like a general in the Three Kingdoms. /demonstrates/ Because I was afraid of people saying that my lines were weak so I aim for Zhang Fei every time I am voice acting. XD /demonstrates again & laughs at himself/ /again/ They’re all like this, so it sounds cool. But in the end my voice was hoarse. Zhang Fei is also always half-yelling, right? But by the end it was okay for Luo Mingxi to sound hoarse because he’d already been shouting for 36 episodes. That just goes to show he was man enough.
C: Ning-ge, I thought you said LMX was a sick & crazy? We were looking forward to it!
LYN: Let me clarify- he’s not sick & crazy, he’s sick & weak. He still has a wild heart but his body is weak. Sick & Crazy is different- like Bai Choufei. LMX is not a bad guy, and hasn’t done any bad things. I know that people are more sympathetic to the “sick & crazy” kind of character, so the kind I interpreted was sick, mentally.
C: How is the mental sickness expressed?
LYN: When he says things he’s kind of rude and impetuous. No matter what he says, it’s like this. A mental illness, but not an illness that borders focuses jealousy/obsession. Just.. mentally ill.
[t/n: I confused myself, srry. >.>]
C: Ning-ge, you’re dissing LMX?
LYN: There’s no way. I really like the role.
LYN: Let me put it like this- a lot of people ask me if I like a role or not. I wouldn’t accept the role if I didn’t like it. I like every role I’ve accepted. If I don’t like the role I could have rejected the script and held a concert instead. I could hold my concert, or go on a variety show. There are many ways I could survive without a drama role. It’s because I like the role, the script, and the production team that I choose to take on the project. I only accept the project when I really like the role to begin with.
C: Talk about Jiang Junhao (BYOL).
LYN: Jiang Junhao... there’s not much to say. It’s not because I don’t understand the character, but because I’ve asked director before, “How should I play this role?” Before I entered the crew I saw the script and knew the general summary of events, but you still need to discuss with the director what their expectations of the character are. The director just told me, “Be how you are when you’re streaming.” I said, “That’s not good, right? That would be too simple.” When I’m streaming I’m plain as day. I was thinking, “Shouldn’t I create some trouble for myself? Are there any psychotic tendencies I need to add to the character?” The director replied, “No. Just be how you are when you stream. Chatty and humorous. Your profession is as a blogger. But the caveat is you had to have learned how to be a cook.” I was thinking... other than me I don’t think there’s anyone in this industry that could replace me for this role. I don’t know about anything else, but there’s no one else in this industry who could replace me for the role of Jiang Junhao. I fit the character so well. He’s a blogger/streamer, he’s a cook- on these two alone It’s right up my alley. I’ve been doing these two things for 30+ years. (?) I went to culinary school for two years to learn how to be a cook. I was a cook for three. I’ve been streaming for 10+ years. I fit the bill.
LYN: When you watch Jiang Junhao it’s possible you could see me as when I’m streaming. Because it is. But now people are probably wondering, “Isn’t acting as Jiang Junhao basically acting as yourself? Then you don’t understand the character at all.” Actually, that’s not the case. Even the me that you see when I’m streaming, is not the real me. /giggles evilly/
LYN: BYOL was something I filmed happily. Tao-jie was so good to me, she’d lead me around everywhere. XD When I’m shooting a drama usually I will take it quite seriously- not because I’m being professional- I just put a lot of importance on each and every scene. I’m not very good at affectionate/emotional scenes- I’m not good at acting all flirty. But that drama needed me to be able to handle it well, so Tao-jie helped me a lot in that aspect. When we first started shooting she thought I was too nervous couldn’t relax. She can tell, since she is my senior after all. I WAS nervous when working with her. But she- for example in the next scene we would have to have a confrontation. She’d tell her group, “Look carefully. Watch how I’ll lead him.” She’ll lead me and make it fun, so that the scene is completed successfully and with feeling. It was really fun to do my scenes with her. She’s very enthusiastic, very nice. /amused at the fact she was telling her group to watch how she handles him/
C: ZY is made up completely of emotional (affectionate/sentimental) scenes.
LYN: Em... yeah. I said I wasn’t good at it, not that I couldn’t do it. I mean... the only reason I was able to make a little name for myself is exactly because of my emotional scenes, isn’t it? I just have trouble letting go- I’m a pretty shy person. Weren’t some of you afraid that I would learn bad things?? It was just a little.. out of my expectations. So when I first started doing emotional scenes I will be shy.
C: Are you shy in ZY?
LYN: How could I not be?? Just because you see me being chatty in my streams and assume that I am open to everything. I’m actually just a shy boy. When I’m facing her (SZE) every day I will feel shy, too. Well, it’s not a matter of being SHY per se- just that if you’re going to be doing affectionate scenes with someone everyday and you don’t even feel an ounce of shyness/shame then... there’s something not quite right there. If I wasn’t shy at all then the other actor will be thinking there’s something wrong with me! “You’re so cool with this. It’s not affecting you at all?” That’s not right. You still have to respect the actress. Work is work.
C: What about Zhuo Bufan (TXJ)?
LYN: Zhuo Bufan... I really like. XD Zhuo Bufan... it’s like this. Since there are many people who probably aren’t my fans watching this stream- /changes the subject/ Let me see if I’m still trending. There should be people who are just passing through and have entered my stream to check it out. Zhuo Bufan is the name of a role I acted in Tian Xing Jian (aka Heroes (but a different one than SYXSSYX)). I play as a swordsman, but the setting is... the early Republic of China. At that time there are already the typical “normal” hairstyles and the more historical Qing dynasty style. I play a Miao swordsman- from around Sichuan. The character’s setting is that all he wanted in life was to be the best swordsman and to establish his sect. It’s called the Rong Tian Sword Sect. But these were turbulent times- at the beginning of the Republic of China- and firearms were already introduced to the country. He’s still striving to be the best swordsman in the world and right when that happens- there are guns. Someone who has no fighting skills at all can just grab a gun and take out a whole bunch of martial artists. It’s a frustrating time, for him. But the character is set in his ways- he’s only wanted this one thing all his life. The story is good and the filming is realistic. The one thing is Sichuan gets pretty hot... and there was no such thing as ‘sunscreen’ in the early Republic. People back then didn’t care about your visuals. There was no one back then going online to call other people ugly. Zhuo Bufan didn’t have to worry about walking the red carpet and getting caught on camera without makeup. He’s never had that pressure, so he doesn’t have sunscreen and as a result he’s quite tanned.
LYN: For the drama they could only apply foundation no.13 on me. I bet many of you have never heard of it. My fans have, but everyone else here might not. Foundation in shade no.13 is... quite hard to find in China. No one here really uses it. It’s typically sold in places where there are larger populations of people with a darker complexion. It’s difficult to find in China because no one needs the shade. Anyone who is applying foundation is not going to make themselves darker- don’t you use it to brighten your natural skin color? So they put No.13 on me, and that’s fine, but the problem is that I am quite pale to begin with. Most of you are girls, so you know that makeup will smudge. After they applied it all over, as we filmed the makeup would smudge/melt. Some parts had the foundation and some parts didn’t, after a while. Normally it goes away the fastest for me around here- /points to around his mouth/ and my eyes. Do you know the gingerbread man? Let’s look it up together. This is a gingerbread man.
LYN: This counts as cute, even! Let me see if there’s a better picture that describes how I looked... Definitely not this one, though. This is... a frog man.
LYN: Oh, this one. This is really similar. Eyebrows like Crayon Shin-chan and face like a gingerbread man.
LYN: After a week of shooting for this drama I had already given up on my looks for it. I used to tell the makeup artist, “[drops a whole beauty routine to make his eyes look bigger (including shadow, eyeliner, as well as curling the eyelashes) and face look smaller (shading on the jawline)].” That’s the speech I usually use when facing a makeup artist. After a week in the TXJ crew I gave up on all that. I didn’t say anything- I shut up. I just go in to the makeup room and told them they could start. When they were done I would look at myself in the mirror- “Yeah, that’s dark enough.”- and then leave for the set.
LYN: After a week I gave up. For this drama, I didn’t need to be too picky about visuals. All I needed was to do what it took to fulfill the expectations of the role. With makeup the reason why you put on a light base and make the eyes dark is for the contrast. But when my whole face is dark, what color of eye makeup should I use?? If I’d still applied eyeshadow I’d be a panda. You wouldn’t be able to see it at all. So I pretty much didn’t have any (aesthetic) makeup on, and after that much foundation my face was pretty much flat anyway. So I gave up.
LYN: But, I never considered TXJ as a drama you should be watching for visuals. I know what style it is, and I accepted it. But how funny is it... that when I was shooting for YNGS I was being called ugly? They released so many bad picture of me online, where my expression is pretty much like this: /makes all sorts of unflattering facial expressions/ There were so many of them like this and when I saw them I thought to myself, “OMG- aren’t these pictures pretty much what ZBF looked like?? This pictures look a lot like ZBF!” Even if I thought that the role was a bit dark (in skin color), I never thought it was a problem. Up until the point I was shooting for YNGS and all the ugly pictures came out- then I realized it /was/ a problem. Why? Because the moment when TXJ finally airs it will prove that those so-called “ugly” photos are not ugly at all. Those photos just show that’s what I look like normally! I look exactly the same in the drama! When TXJ airs it will prove that no one was trying to take ugly pictures of me on purpose and with ill-intent, nor were they photoshopped to look so bad. It’s just what I look like! That’s the biggest pressure ZBF has given me. It’s just going to prove that the so-called “blackmail” against me is just the honest reality!
LYN: I really like ZBF the character and the drama itself. When I was voice-acting for it and saw myself in the clips I realized it’s something I really wanted and needed to film. It’s not a drama you see a lot of. It’s quite unique. It’s the stepping stone into my future in that style of drama. I really like ZBF and the drama, but... I don’t really want it to air too soon. I need a different drama- one in which I look halfway decent in- to push it back a little. BYOL or ALZ could air first- just to shift TXJ far back enough that people won’t associate the ugly photos of me directly to this drama. So people can see me looking good in other dramas first, and they will think, “LYN doesn’t look like in the photos. He actually looks pretty decent.” Then when TXJ airs after them, it won’t make a difference because my image in those previous dramas has already created a good base for me. When they see the foundation no.13 they will think I needed to be dark, for the role. I was on the chubbier side on purpose. “He’s doing it for the role.” Now it has a different interpretation! So that’s I hope a different drama can air first.
- /segues into song with no further comment/
-- Be Earnest While You’re Young (意气趁年少)
- /cuts off halfway/
LYN: I thought I was playing the song, but it ended up being the accompaniment so I just decided to sing a few lines.
LYN: ! Oh, no. I suddenly thought of something. I just changed my computer, so all the videos I had downloaded before are gone. I forgot to copy them over. My neighbors are fighting but I have no way of saving them, now. What should I do? Let me play you an MV, then. I can only play an MV- for a song- but none of those funny fan-made clips.
C: Make the female celebrity stand-in.
LYN: Don’t even mention her to me. I “fainted” today and she didn’t even try to save me. She made me lose face in front of the public. The thankless wretch... and I still have to give her a sausage everyday...
LYN: Hold on, let me just play the MV. /adjusting/ Ok. Watch the MV. I’ll use the restroom.
-- Break #1
C: Ge, you have to sing a few more OSTs for ZY.
LYN: One is enough. For my own dramas I sing at least one, most of the time. // I think I’m singing two for YNGS, though. :)
C: This music is too loud.
LYN: It’s too much? Then I’ll ply a song by LYN for you. (LYn - My Destiny)
C: Talk about Hei Yanjing.
LYN: Hei Yanjing was a really early drama. The thing I regret about that role is that we had someone come do voice acting for it, it’s not my original voice. But of course, I am very thankful to that laoshi (Liu Sicen/刘思岑). Because at that time I really didn’t know how to act, and I still don’t. It was only my second drama role, so pretty early for me. I wasn’t mature enough in many ways. So I’m very thankful to that voice actor, because he really helped to complete that character. I think that the voice actor played a huge part in Hei Yanjing gaining so much love. Thank you.
C: I always thought that was your voice.
LYN: That’s why- he really understood the character, to be able to voice act for it. /reciting lines/ Of course, he’s always going to be more professional than I am.
- /reciting more lines- “Do you know why they call me “Black Blindman”, and not just “Blindman”? It’s because I have an ability other people don’t know about.” “What is it?” “I can take away your eyes. :)”
C: You remember the lines!
LYN: There aren’t that many! I had considerably less screen-time in that drama (compared to others). But I had fun shooting for that drama, too. Because I didn’t have to keep touching up my makeup. Like I was saying earlier, “This is how I’d like for the eye makeup to be...” etc. etc. I was wearing the shades most of the time, so I’d get into the makeup room and they’d put some foundation on me and I’d be done! :D Once the shades are on there’s no one who doesn’t love me and I’m out the door.
LYN: The makeup for that was pretty dark, too. I remember there was one scene I took off my jacket and started swatting the bugs away- my arms were so white they looked like tube lights.
C: Wei Chengfeng.
LYN: That was my first drama role and I acted very average, quite bad. It was my very first drama debut and it was with HZT. And you still say I have resources? “LYN- you were partnered with HZT on your debut drama. What can you say to prove you don’t have resources? There MUST be someone backing you.” My old fans all know how I got that part. The new fans might not, but you can go look it up online. I had fun shooting that drama, and I got to know a lot of good friends, even though I may not communicate with them very often. It was a great drama. But I really didn’t know how to act for that one; I couldn’t even speak Standard Mandarin properly.
LYN: In order for an actor to show their potential and what they can do, depends a lot on the director. There’s another thing in this industry- it’s called “30% acting, 70% editing”. I don’t know if you’ve heard that before? It means that 30% of the drama depends on the acting, and 70% depends on the editing. I think the editing really helped me a lot, so that’s why you think the character is decent. It’s not something that cannot be said, because it’s the same for singers. There are many singers who might not quite sing on tune, but there’s always editing and they can fix the sound. It’s a normal working process. Just like planting strawberries. At the very start you didn’t have strawberries that are as big as they are now- they started off very small. After years of selective development, that’s why you can see the big strawberries you do. Each industry is the same and technology/development just helps us to improve.
C: Ning-ge, did you get a signed autograph from SZE yet?
LYN: Oh, right. A couple of streams ago I told you that after a month of working with Zu’er I would introduce myself to her as also having participated in this drama, and ask her for her autograph... I was chatting with the director the other day and calculated that today would be the 36th day since filming started. Let me think... 36 days is more than a month.. so tomorrow, friends, I promise. I have a full day of filming with Zu’er tomorrow. When I get on set I’ll tell her what’s up. I will unresolved tell her, “Hello. My name is Liu Yuning. We are participating in the same drama. Here my name is Wei Shao. But, in my eyes you are a celebrity. Could you write me an autograph? I’ve already had my assistants prepare the photo. Could you just write, “To: Liu Yuning. Let’s hit it big time! (大红大紫)” and then add your signature? Is that okay? Then, I won’t leave this drama with any regrets.”
LYN: Friends, I��ll do what I say. I’ll ask her tomorrow on set. If I am successful, I will post on weibo to brag about it. “See, I have a celebrity’s autograph. But you don’t.” XD Also, it’s personalized~ But of course, I don’t know if her studio allows their artists to give autographs out to nobodies. I don’t know. We’ll find out tomorrow and as for the result you can check my weibo. Or maybe the next time we meet I could tell you if I was chased away by her staff or was escorted out by drama security. There’s no saying which way it will go. Either way, I’ll ask her tomorrow and see how she reacts.
C: Why don’t you want Daimi’s autograph?
LYN: The actress Daimi has a poor (human) personality. She watched her manager faint and didn’t even try to save him. If she makes the big leagues one day, that video will become material to use against her. An ungrateful artist.
C: She has a poor character (人品 -> 狗品).
LYN: Her breed (品种) is pretty decent, though.
[t/n: Chinese puns]
- /starts singing because he said Daimi was “cold-hearted” and it reminded him of a song/
C: You even kicked her bowl.
LYN: She doesn’t drink from it. She’s spoiled. /thinks about it and laughs/ Yes. I kicked her bowl. She didn’t even try to save her manager, so I’m going to smash her food bowl (literally). She doesn’t get to eat. If she doesn’t even care about her manager, then I’m going to smash it to pieces.
LYN: Anyway, I’ll try to ask for SZE’s autograph tomorrow, and you can see if my efforts will pay off. First, I’ll ask for her autograph. Next, I’ll sell it. I’ll put it on the market and cruelly make a killing off of her.
C: Raffle it.
LYN: Why should I? There’s no way.
C: If you put it like that, she’s not going to sign it for you.
LYN: That’s possible.
C: Bai Choufei.
LYN: BCF.. actually, I’ve talked about him quite a lot. I think... towards this character... how should I put it? I can’t say I put a lot into it, because I really didn’t. I just think that as for this character, I was particularly engrossed in it. A lot of the things I did weren’t rational. This is a drama and role that I will never forget. I’ll never forget it. It almost... honestly it almost made me give up on acting. [t/n: the water scene?]
C: It wasn’t that bad was it?
LYN: I don’t know- there’s nothing much to say about it. I can’t get too far into detail about it anyway. I really loved the role and I don’t think I will meet another like him. It really was an excellent role, and I don’t think I’ll find another like it. Of course, I have been introduced to good scripts and good roles. At the time, I thought I wouldn’t find anything else like him. But then, YNGS came. It was different kind of good. Later I got the role of Wei Shao and I thought, “Oh? This is also okay.” It’s also another different kind of good.
LYN: After this experience I came to know that there is no ending point in life. As long as you keep moving forward, it doesn’t matter in what direction, it’s all forward. As long as you keep going- left or right- it’s still forward. Everything you face on this path could be even better than the thing that came before it or can replace what you had originally thought was the highlight of your life.
LYN: After I finish filming for every drama I will have different thoughts about it. After Hot-Blooded Youth I didn’t think I would continue to be an actor. Not because I wasn’t passionate about it or because I didn’t like it, but because I didn’t think I would get another chance. It didn’t air very well, honestly. Then after Ultimate Note, I still didn’t think I could be an actor. I just thought I could be a person who acts. I could be in dramas. It was after The Long Ballad that I told myself, “I want to be an actor.” After that drama I really wanted to focus on being an actor, and I thought of it as my profession. After Heroes I set myself a goal, which was to be an outstanding actor. I haven’t reached that goal yet, but I want to be an outstanding actor, good actor, a (f*cking) awesome actor. [t/n: he almost said “牛逼” but caught himself on the “牛” X’D]. That’s what BCF has brought to me- a direction to continue in.
LYN: I didn’t used to understand when people would say that actors became invested/engrossed in the role. That’s just because I didn’t know the difference between being invested and not. I didn’t graduate from a class and I never officially learned acting. When I was doing The Long Ballad (CGX) I didn’t have any technique- I relied on my feelings alone. How could I know any techniques, back then? Acting is separated into two kinds: technique and feelings. There’s no way of saying is which is right and which is wrong, because they’re both good. There are some very good actors who rely on technique alone, and others still who rely on feeling alone. So there IS no right or wrong. But at the time I didn’t know any technique so I can only rely on my feelings.
LYN: Later when I was acting as BCF I had already learn how to do a bit of both. Thinking back on it now, it’s a role that I invested myself in pretty deeply. I was almost mad with it. When I was acting I didn’t think that I was still LYN. Sometimes you lose your sense of rationality. I didn’t used to understand but after that drama I did- there are times when you think that you are not yourself. It’s a strange and rare feeling.
LYN: I have a lot of feelings for the role of BCF. I’m not talking about what I sacrificed for the role or how much effort I put into it- that’s not what I mean. I just mean that I gave him a lot of my feelings. At the time I thought it was a really excellent role. I don’t dare say that I acted well, but I was so into the character I couldn’t be more absorbed. Then later when it aired, I was cursed at. When it aired people all said the drama wasn’t good, and it was ridiculed, and this and that. I started talking about acting precisely because of this drama, and the role, and certain events surrounding it. I’m not able to control myself when talking about this drama because I think really highly of that role. I didn’t want or expect for the character to be popular, and it’s not as if I would be unable to accept it if people didn’t like it. In my eyes I had put a lot of heart into the character so in light of all the negative reviews about it, I couldn’t accept it- or rather, it was difficult for me to bear.
LYN: That’s why sometimes when people bring up the character of BCF and say that they don’t like or understand him, I will lost control over myself. Thinking back on it, it’s just hard for me to hear. It has nothing to do with the fact that the drama wasn’t popular. That is... when you put a lot of effort into something- much more than you had ever given something before- and then find out that people have negative views of it or can just easily brush it away... it’s difficult to bear.
LYN: I still remember that right when the drama was ending- it was almost to the finale- it ended up on the hot search. The topic- you all know it- was “Say Lunatic, Who Is a Lunatic” and they used the clip where I was fighting with Su Mengzhen. It ended up trending at #2. I’m not hot and I don’t have any popularity so being part of a trending topic is difficult for me. Of course, it’s not as if I’ve never been trending before- it’s all superficial. Something like, “Singer Fails to Kick a Bowl” or “Internet Famous Singer Liu Yuning Fails to Kick a Bowl”. But for something with actual substance is difficult to get trending.
LYN: I saw the comments- because my group will send it to me, to let me know. They told me this topic was trending and wanted me to check it out, because it was about me. I used my staff’s phone to look at the comments, to see what they were saying. About 70% of the comments were praising me! They were saying, “LYN can act like this? I don’t believe this is him. He’s not bad!” In that moment... I cried. Not sobbing and wailing, but I just had an indescribable feeling in my heart. One of the Long Ballad producer jiejie-s also sent it to me, telling me, “Look. You’re trending!” and I thought it was a perfect end for my experience with the character. Because this drama really made me too sullen. I myself felt that way. It had nothing to do with what the public, internet, or comments thought of me. That’s why I like to thank Orange Entertainment (橘子娱乐), because they were the ones who made the topic. It was a perfect ending for the role. That’s why I don’t like to talk about BCF too in depth- I could leave it on that high note.
LYN: Everything added together had me feeling sullen, I don’t know why. But even now, there are some fans of Su Mengzhen who come to curse me out. Which goes to prove that even though I said I was engrossed in the role, there are people who are much more into it than I ever was. There are still people now who can’t let it go. But the funny thing is that Chen Chuhe and I have a very good relationship! We had a meal and I even took my clothes and bracelet off to give them to him. Based on that, how good do you think our relationship is?? We’re such good friends we can wear the same clothes! And yet there are still fans of SMZ out here cursing me. They’re not hating on BCF, either. They hate LYN.
C: Have you seen the source material for Zhe Yao?
LYN: What are you trying to get at? If there was an actor who is in a drama based off of an original piece of work, and the actor says they did not look into the source material, would you think this actor does not respect his work? You wouldn’t, right? Probably not? It’s unlikely, right? Even if I did see the source material, I wouldn’t tell you. You- I’ll just say I never saw it.
LYN: I’m not trying to compliment myself, I just want to share- but I will easily find methods to help me solve problems. This drama for example, or any of the others roles I have played that have source material, whether that’s a manhwa or novel adaptation. Other actors probably also use these methods that you may or may not know about, but it’s always good to learn. When I play a new character, I might not have a lot of time to get to know the source material. So instead I will go online and look up analyses/judgement made about the character by fans of the book. I want to understand how they see him. Secondly, I want to know what attracts them to the character, or what part made them like him. If I know what attracted these readers to the character in the first place, I will remember that facet of the character. If there’s a single thing that all readers can agree attracted them to the character, then it’s my job to make sure that this thing is well-executed in the drama.
LYN: For example, even though he’s a skilled martial artist, he never once raised his hand to his Lady. Then I have to remember I can never raise my hand to her in the drama. Even if I lightly push her, then that’s still a problem. It’s just the logic of it- I want to know the readers’ understanding of the character and why they like him. Like how even though Wei Shao is callous and rough out in public, but actually he’s afraid of his wife. He might be tall and mighty at 1.9m, but in front of this small girl he’s scared and helpless. If this is something that attracted the readers, then I have to remember it and make sure the drama doesn’t lose it.
LYN: I don’t have a lot of time to look at the source material, but I will find time to understand what the people who have seen it like about it. I’ve done this for each of my character so far. I find myself on some old platforms, reading forums on the character. SYXSSYX was released quite a while ago, so I found myself on old forums reading about the readers’ opinion of him. “I wanted to be proud and stand alone in the world, but why did I have to bear the humiliation of hiding in the mud?” That is the opinion many have of him.
LYN: Sometimes when I haven’t seen the whole script- or even if I have- and formed my own understanding of the role, I will still go out to find out the general public’s opinion of the character as well. Because I will never understand the role as a true artist would, or even as someone who has read the source material over and over would. I can never be as accurate, as advanced, or as in-depth. So I will use these methods to help me make the character more complete.
C: Does Wei Shao love Xiao Qiao?
LYN: This is obviously a test. If I said “He does” or “He doesn’t”, neither would be the correct answer. But as to whether he really does love her or not, let’s all find out when the drama airs. You have to buy a VIP membership and support the drama. Alright? Thank you.
LYN: It looks like a simple question, but it can very easily be a trap. “Does Wei Shao love Xiao Qi”? First off- they’re the male and female leads. If the ml DOESN’T love the fl, how could it be considered a young adult novel? So you can only say he does. But that’s not right either. It’s not that simple, because their families are enemies. Let’s not forget that. If you say they love each other, that’s also strange. So how can I answer this question...? I will, but it won’t be right now. I’ll answer it when a reporter is interviewing me. As for whether he loves her or not, I hope everyone can find the answer in the drama.
C: Ning-ge, do you end up having kids in this drama?
LYN: I cannot reveal that information. If you can’t wait, then you can go read the novel first. The drama does have some changes, after all. If you film it exactly as it is in the novel, then that’s overstepping our bounds. So whether they have kids or not... is not something I can reveal. Even if I say that everything we shot is supported by the novel, I still can’t tell you the details. But what I can tell you is, “In ancient times there was a spiritual beast. Its name was FeiFei, and looked like a fox and had a big white tail.” So.. why don’t we call Wei Shao’s child “FeiFei”? I’ve heard that anyone who took care of the beast would live carefree. I want WS’s kid to be named FeiFei so that his wife and child can both life without worries.
LYN: That’s from the original novel.
C: Wasn’t it “Meng-zi”?
LYN: That was my name. If I had a daughter I would name her “Meng-zi”... or maybe “Zhang Fei”.
LYN: What time is it, let me check. It’s already 11p. It’s... about time, then. We’ll see. I’ll stream a little longer. I still have to remove my makeup and go over tomorrow’s scenes. I need to be in to hair and makeup at 6a tomorrow... so I have to get up at 5a. Wash my face, shave my beard, apply a face mask, drive to set... It’ll be around a little past 6 by then. I’ll get up at 5a tomorrow.
C: Ning-ge, why would your daughter’s surname be “Zhang”?
LYN: What, her nickname can’t be Zhang Fei?? Her surname would be “Liu” but her nickname would be “Zhang Fei”. Is that not okay??
C: Call her Liu Zhang Fei.
LYN: I said it’s her nickname, those don’t come with surnames attached. Then, why don’t I just call her “Liu Guan Zhang”? That’s all three from the Oath of the Peach Garden (Liu Bei - Guan Yu - Zhang Fei) and would make my daughter sound fierce, wouldn’t it? “Liu Zhang Fei”- then what, Guan Yu isn’t worthy of being included?? I might as well just call her “Liu Guan Zhang”, in that case.
C: /suggesting names/ Lu Zhishen / Liu Wusong.
LYN: I hope when you have kids, you name them that. All the suggestions you are giving me, I hope you take into consideration for your own children as well.
C: Have you set your next drama yet?
LYN: I haven’t. I don’t have any work to do. I don’t have that much work, and how could I? Do you think the industry owes me? I don’t have anything lined up. I’ll just focus on the drama at hand first and everything will be fine. We’ll think about the next drama when it comes time to do that.
C: You still haven’t accepted one yet?
LYN: Are you getting angry on my behalf? That’s nice- you must be a career-fan and are just worried that I don’t have a job. It’s only been a month since I entered this crew and hearing that I don’t have my next project lined up makes you anxious for me, is that it?
LYN: Thank you for worrying about my career, but I hope you can have the same expectations for yourself. You want me to become someone with a professional mindset and I am working hard to do that; at the same time I hope you can have the same mindset in your life. We will improve together, alright? I hope you all do well. At this time I’ll wish all the female friends watching a “Happy Holiday!”
C: You’re preparing to end the stream?
LYN: No way. Let’s set a time- 11:30p. I’ll stop streaming at 11:30p and save half an hour for washing up, reviewing the script, and then sleep.
LYN: The reason I decided to stream today was because it’s March 8th and a lot of women are celebrating the holiday. I had two choices today- 1) voice act for BYOL, and 2) stream. I chose to come stream.
C: Sing a few more songs.
LYN: This is my song-fan, isn’t it? I have to get up early tomorrow, so I won’t sing. In case I’m in a bad condition tomorrow. I might sing one or two in the spur of the moment, but don’t keep making me sing. I still have work tomorrow. :(
C: Ning-ge, you’re trending.
LYN: ... I don’t believe it.
C: What do you mean by “streaming regularly”?
LYN: I mean what I say- regularly. I’m already doing much better than I was for the previous drama, right? As long as I can I definitely will stream, because I like to stream. But there are times when we wrap for the day- like the other day, when I went to sing the OST for Wonderland of Love because I had done a cameo in it. I went to finish the voice acting for those scenes as well. When I wrap for the day I still have other work to do. Please don’t forget that I am a singer. I have a whole bunch of OSTs that I still haven’t recorded yet. Thankfully some of them they are not in a rush for so I can bide my time. I can wait for a day when I wrap early and am in a good condition to sing. I don’t want to record an OST when I know that my condition isn’t good enough. If I want to do something, then I have to be responsible for it.
LYN: Even though I wrap early... I’ve found that some people/things aren’t ideal. Like how on some apps I can find my filming schedule- when I start and when I end- as clear as day. What are you doing? Monitoring me?? It’s not a problem, I just don’t find it an ideal situation. I don’t mind but I also don’t quite feel comfortable with you knowing what I’m doing at every minute. It feels like I’m being monitored. I’m uncomfortable especially because it’s a kind of monitoring that I can’t even report to the police. So try not to do that.
LYN: Another thing is that when I wrap early- for example at 6:30p- a lot of people will start to fantasize. “Ning-ge wrapped at 6:30p today. Then.. doesn’t that mean there’s a possibility he will stream tonight~~? :D Alright. Then I will prepare the duck neck, duck tongue, duck intestines, and duck feet and wait for him to come stream.” Then after they prepare all that, I don’t end up streaming. “It’s alright. He’s probably busy. I will eat all the snacks.” Then the next say I wrap at 7p and the whole thing starts again. “Will Ning-ge stream TODAY? The news is that he wrapped at 7p. That’s okay, because he’s streamed at 10p before. Let me prepare all the snacks~!” And I don’t stream again. Once or twice is okay. But after the fifth or sixth time they will start thinking, “LYN, what’s wrong with you?? I anticipate your streams every day, but you never come. Where the heck did you go?? You wrap so early every day. Didn’t you say you like to spoil your fans??? Didn’t you say you would stream more regularly? Didn’t you say you could never leave your fans and are so thankful to them? Then, why aren’t you streaming??? Didn’t you know that because you aren’t streaming, I’ve gotten fat?!” They look in the mirror and see they’ve gotten fatter and blame me for it all. It’s all a possibility, friends. That’s why this is so complicated.
LYN: I just want to explain- I don’t really have my own life anymore right now. I don’t have a life. After acting work, I have other work to do. There’s voice acting- because I figure if I’m going to act I want to do the voice acting for myself as well, to make the character more my own. So I could only take 2-3 hours out of the day for voice acting. It’s not as if I could take a whole week to finish off the voice acting for the whole drama. I have to do it in segments, two hours here and there for two-five episodes at a time. I also have OSTs. Other than acting, I have other work and if I’m particularly tired that day and I’m not suited for voice acting or singing the OST, I will come back to stream instead.
LYN: Sometimes there’s a group meal, and I’ll go to eat. It’s a business meal, and we’ll use it to communicate among actors and director(s). It’s also a nice way to relax, because we’ve been working all day. It’s nice to take a night to have a meal, chat, and relax. It’s a necessary process for us to continue filming amicably. So sometimes when we wrap early we’ll all go out to eat. We’ll get to know each other so filming can go smoothly. It’s a normal process and it’s not as if I am OBLIGATED to go, but I WANT to go. I want to get to know the other actors. For example, if I am supposed to be good friends with someone, but in real life we can’t stand the look of each other- it’ll be a hard time acting. But if the two actors are friendly in real life, then when they’re filming for the drama they don’t even need to act too hard- they’ll already have that familiarity with each other. Let’s say I’m supposed to be friends with this guy for 30-40 years, or these group of guys have been through thick and thin with me before, and I meet them and the first thing I say is, “Hello.” It lacks familiarity and it’s hard to act, even though you can force it. But if it’s natural to the actors, it will also be comfortable to watch for the viewers. That’s why when you’re shooting a drama with someone you want to get to know them.
C: What about acting as enemies?
LYN: Enemies? Then I can only hate that actor when I see them, I guess. When I’m filming the drama I tend to get absorbed in the character. If for example, I have an enemy that day, I’ll be in a bad mood even looking at them. When we’re all on set and I see them I’ll- /glares, huff of dismissal/, /superficial greeting/. I won’t like seeing them. And then after we’re done shooting for the day- /says goodbye to them happily/. I’ll be more relaxed.
LYN: For a period of time I always had this actor who was acting against me- he always brought me trouble in the drama. It’s not Wei Shuyu. He kept creating obstacles for me and acted really pretentious about it. But in real life, he was very nice. For that period of time though (when he was my enemy), I was always in a bad mood when I saw him. When I actually had scenes with him I was even more unhappy about it. When we stopped filming, I still ignored him. His character was so annoying, so evil. And then one day I was thinking that it was untoward of me to act that way to him. So after we wrapped for the day I sent him a message and said, “Hello. This is Ning-ge. I might be cold towards you during the day, but I don’t have anything against you personally. I’m just absorbed in the role. You’re also an actor, so you can understand. I don’t have anything against you personally. I think you’re a great actor and are very serious about acting and I appreciate that.” I sent him a message like that, because I didn’t want him to misunderstand me. I rely on my good reputation, right? I didn’t want him to go around saying, “I worked with LYN on my previous drama and he kept giving me dirty looks whenever he saw me. As if I owed him something. I felt like he was okay with everyone else, but just not me. LYN sucks.”
LYN: I just needed to explain that I didn’t have anything against him, personally. It’s just that his character was all over my wife. Tell me, who wouldn’t find him annoying?? XD The drama has its female lead... and they got together so in my eyes, the guy’s all over my wife. Who would be able to take that? Friends, why don’t you try thinking of it. Many of you are women, so if there was a woman all over your husband all the time, would you be able to take it?? No matter how good your personality is, I’m sure you’d be going crazy too.
- [t/n: at first I thought this might be about Zi Chuan.. but since he mentioned his wife is the FL, maybe it’s about YNGS and he had beef with Chang Huasen?? (There is a confrontation there, from the clips, and I want to see it.) That’s hilarious to me.]
C: Is it Wei Shuyu?
LYN: It’s not. In that drama, Wei Shuyu and Leyan were childhood friends. Leyan liked Wei Shuyu. Rather, I was the one who stole her away. I was the annoying one.
C: Mr. Streamer, when are you going to sleep?
LYN: /laughs/ Are you too into your role? You called me, “Mr. Streamer”. Why didn’t you call me “Cook”? I have a name. We’re close, so you can call me.. If you’re older than me call me “Xiao Ning” and if you’re younger “Ning-ge” is fine. You can even call me “Liu Yuning”. Don’t call me “Mr. Streamer”- that makes me feel like I’m at work or something.
C: Ning-ge, you’re trending at #29 now.
LYN: Oh? I don’t believe it. I need to go take a look. // Let me look at the comments.
C: Ning-ge is the best. I love him.
C: Liu Yuning is always full of ceremony. As expected, he came to stream today. He never disappoints his fans.
LYN: That one seems more like a moral kidnapping. If I didn’t stream today you’d be disappointed, is that it? Don’t be like that.
C: I’m happy tonight because of you. I feel like your dialogue and posture have changed a lot.
LYN: ... I suddenly realize that I’m not sitting up straight. I should... sit up. ~My dialogue is also improving.~
LYN: After being complimented by my fans I have to live up to their expectations. So in the next fifteen minutes of my stream I will communicate to you as if I am delivering my lines. How does that sound? I’ll let you experience how I recite my lines- in the guzhuang style, of course.
-
C: Did you see me say that BCF was very good?
LYN: What does BCF being good or not have to do with you? It’s a character that /I/ acted as. It has nothing to do with you. All you need to do is watch.
C: You don’t need to be like this.
LYN: Do I need you to come tell me what to do?? Do you really think you can control me?
C: Why are you speaking so fiercely?
LYN: I set my character as a fierce one. Now I’ll set it as someone more gentle. My apologies.
--
C: I have work tomorrow, so I should go rest now.
LYN: If you want to rest, I have nothing to say to that. But, I hope you can subscribe to my weibo before you leave. When I stream next, we can meet again! Thank you!
---
C: This style of speaking is peculiar/eccentric/mystifying.
LYN: Peculiar isn’t like this. ~~Peculiar is like THIS.~~
-
C: Is this what you call an “innocent man”?
LYN: /sigh/ Not as innocent as you. You must be the most innocent woman in the world. I am not innocent.
-
C: How greasy.
LYN: Let me tell you- the most important thing to being “greasy” is that you need- no, never mind.
-
C: Can you go back to normal?
LYN: You want me to go back to normal? Did I say something wrong earlier?
LYN: /bursts out laughing/ Oops. That was a bad take. Let me go again.
LYN: You want me to go back to normal? Did I say something earlier... that offended you? If I did, I- I apologize.
C: Pinched tone.
LYN: Pinched..? I can’t. I heard something fun recently. Let me try to find it and then I’ll try it for you. Hold on a sec. // I found it, I found it. Let me look for the lines.
- /recites with the help of the sound modulator/
LYN: Does it count?
C: Nope.
LYN: I-
C: Not at all. // Is this a Dongbei ver?
LYN: /LOL/ If you wanted me to try the kind that girls do, like /example/, then I can’t do it.
LYN: ? Oh, you like that? /does it again/ That’s just speaking with a nasal tone.
LYN: Another thing is! I discovered this problem during my last drama. People are going online to sell the chance at getting pictures with me. I heard that someone was selling the opportunity to get a one-on-one picture with me. During BYOL people were selling this chance for 8,888RMB. What an auspicious number, too. Apparently there’s someone you can contact for this drama as well. Maybe it’s because I was being ridiculed for being ugly, but the price has gone down. Now they’re selling for 7,777RMB. Just a little cheaper. My market value has dropped.
LYN: But what I want to say is, first of all, I don’t think I’m worth that much money. I don’t even think I’m worth that much! If someone were taking a cut of that money, then I would rather cut out the middleman and take the revenue all for myself. Alright? You’re likely to be scammed by the middleman. Let’s say they contacted me and asked if I could take the photo and I declined- then your money would likely not be refunded. You’re likely to be tricked. I’ve heard that people HAVE been tricked by this. Even if it wasn’t the full amount, and you just paid a deposit- you’d have to give 88RMB, at the least. They’re not able to follow-through will the request, so your deposit is just gone isn’t it?
LYN: Through this experience I want to tell you- no matter what drama crew I am in, I will not take private photos with anyone. I don’t care who comes to ask for one. That way, there’s no one who can act as the middleman and scam you out of your money. Okay? Please don’t be tricked by this. What I can do is make sure that I reject anyone- anyone who is capable of setting up this kind of scam. I will reply to them, “I can’t take any photos because I am working, and wearing the drama’s makeup and clothes. I have to keep them a secret.” I’ll use this as an excuse to reject any photos. This way, none of my friends will be tricked. If you see anything online that says you can spend X amount of money for a photo with me, don’t believe it.
C: Then, Ning-ge, since we’re on the topic. How much does it cost if we cut out the middleman?
LYN: It’s free for a photo with me. Who do I think I am? But the thing is, I won’t take any photos. I don’t have time.
C: Sell some personalized autographs.
LYN: Normally I don’t give those to anyone. Many friends have asked for an autograph and I gave it to them. If you’re familiar to me and ask for an autograph but I don’t give you one I feel like that’s being pretentious. I’ll give autographs to my close friends. But they’re rarely ever personalized. Not to say that I never write any, though. But all the personalized ones you see online are fake. When I write a personalized autograph it will be to someone trustworthy. Like SZE. If she wants a personalized autograph then I will definitely give her one. But for everyone else, when we’re lacking a layer of credibility, I won’t give.
C: Last time I bought a personalized autograph I was tricked.
LYN: That’s why. Don’t be tricked by those claiming to sell autographs and 1:1 photos. They’re unreliable. I’m always on set- where would I even find the time to take photos with people??
LYN: Also, my record- I only created 8,000 copies. Later I saw that people were selling it online, and many of you bought it. That’s your freedom to do so, so I can’t say anything. But I don’t think it’s a particularly right thing to do. So... try not to. It’s not because I’m afraid of not getting the revenue- I can’t make much off records anyway. Honestly, when have you ever seen me to something for the profit? Even with my brand collaborations- only buy the product if you have a real use for it. Normally, I wouldn’t sell my record just to make a profit. That’s WHY I only had 8k copies made. Later, I don’t know where they got the EP from. I’m guessing it was the factory who helped me produce them in the first place. They probably started making and selling it on their own. Really immoral.
C: What’s a personalized autograph?
LYN: A personalized autograph? I don’t even know. I’ll find some time to get to know about it.
- [t/n: Literally, the signed photos where people write “To: [NAME] + Message. Signed, XO”]
C: Isn’t that copyright infringement? Why didn’t you sue?
LYN: What’s the use. It’s not like they made very many, because honestly the market’s not there. XD They didn’t make much anyway, so it’s not worth suing and paying for a lawyer.
LYN: There was a group of fans, wasn’t there? Because they were unable to buy a copy of my record, they stopped being my fan. I’m afraid that if I tried to say anything the fans would shoot back with, “Ning-ge, you didn’t give us a chance to get an official copy. So we’re going to buy a pirated version. Even so, you’re still going to scold us? Then what’s the point of liking you??” “Isn’t the point of chasing stars for the happiness? Stop trying to control us.” I thought about it and decided it wasn’t worth it. Every interaction has a scale, and I didn’t think this was something worth judging you for.
C: They really stopped being your fan?
LYN: They did. Because they couldn’t attain a copy of my product. This is truly “a fine line between love and hate”. They were unhappy because they couldn’t get a copy of my record, and said that I couldn’t be trusted. Because originally I had said I made the record for my fans. They couldn’t get a copy and were unhappy so they stopped being my fan. I can accept it, because it was their decision. I just.. hope they’re happy.
C: I didn’t get a copy but I still “si” you.
LYN: ?? They wrote the character “si (撕)” for “tear apart”. You must mean you still “fen” (粉 like) me, right? You mean you didn’t get a copy of my album but you still like me, right? It’s strange if you say you didn’t get a copy of my album, but you still tear me apart??
C: The new fans have missed out on so much.
LYN: New fans, really... honestly you haven’t missed much. I also like to scroll through videos, right? The other day I saw a video of my from a few years ago- from the variety shows and stages I had attended right when I first debuted. I understand now that the reason I never made it big at that time was because I was too ugly. I was really too fat in 2018. My face was just so ROUND. I didn’t look very smart. A profile shot of me made it seem like my face was just a baozi. At that time though, neither I nor my studio thought that I was fat. But looking back on it now, I was just a baozi.
C: Then that just means you have 5+ year visual-fans.
LYN: I wasn’t truly fat back then, and I’m a lot thinner now than I was at the time. I have a lot of new fans and honestly the past year to a year and a half is when I’ve been at my best. That includes mentally, as well. It’s also been the highlight of my professional career so far. The new fans are actually quite lucky. You didn’t have to go through all those lonely and weary years with me. You didn’t have to stay up at night crying with me, and didn’t have to withstand the pressure with me. When I first debuted I was just a street busker who suddenly turned into a celebrity. I was under so much pressure. People may tell me that I finally made it in life, so what was there to be pressured about? But it’s not the case. There was a formless pressure from everywhere that made me emo in the middle of the night. The word “emo” didn’t even exist back then! There probably was, but it wasn’t as widespread as it is now. I couldn’t even sleep at night and there was no one to confide in. So I'd start a stream in the middle of the night- no video- and just talk to my fans. That’s what I did when I first debuted. I was so emo I almost went crazy.
C: As just a passerby, I often come in to watch your streams.
LYN: That’s nice- there’s no passerby or not, here. It’s fine as long as you know me. I always come to stream because I hope- even if you don’t like me, including those of you who are watching my stream right now; I know many of you aren’t my fans- that you have can come to listen to me talk and watch me for entertainment. I am sitting here with a microphone just chattering along, but I know that in this stream there are so many people are better than me, whether in terms of profession, education, or intelligence. I am thankful for the fact that you can sit here and listen to me talk. You don’t look down on me, and I’m grateful. I know that there are many people who are better than me in many ways, but you’re watching me all the same.
LYN: You may come to know the name “Liu Yuning” and then later come across it again. You may think “Oh, LYN. I watched his stream. This is LYN’s song/drama, let me check it out.” You are all my customers and there’s still the possibility you come back for more. That’s why I have to stream, because so many people are watching. You may not all be my fans, but you’re still watching. I’m sure that when my dramas air, you’ll take a look. You might even open a VIP account for me. I have Youku, Tencent, and iQIYI dramas coming up. You can... create a membership for each one. XD
LYN: Alright, it’s about time, friends. I need to clean up and get my things together for work tomorrow. I need to sleep so that I can be in a good condition tomorrow. Why? So that the first thing I can do when I get to the set is muster the courage to ask SZE for a personalized autograph. I need to nail that interaction, so I can’t be nervous about it or make any mistakes that would affect the success rate of the request. I need to rest early, and take a bath so I can be ready to ask her for this autograph. That’s my most important mission for tomorrow. The scenes don’t even matter. I don’t care what I’m shooting- asking for her autograph is the most important thing.
LYN: Then, I hope you all had a relaxing, happy, and wonderful night. It was great to have you and... I hope you had a nice night. I’ll see you again in the next stream. Goodnight, everyone.
--
Update: Mission Success
#Liu Yuning#lyn livestream#(2:53:47)#my only takeaway:#um.. does zy have spicy scenes#what did lyn have to learn from the internet that his acting coach cldnt/wldnt teach him#XDDD
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Fictional character ask Jane Bennet?
Favorite thing about them: I like her sweet, loving, compassionate personality, and the way she serves as a warm, safe confidante for Elizabeth in a way that none of her other family members do. I also like the fact that she's not just sweet and ladylike (even if she is mistaken for just that: see below). She has an underlying stubbornness too, as shown by how she clings to her idealism no matter how much Elizabeth tries to playfully skewer it, and contrary to popular belief, she's not perfect: she almost loses her man because she's too reserved about her feelings for him, and she can be naïve and over-idealistic to the point of comedy. But this doesn't make her stupid; sometimes her sympathy for others is very right while Elizabeth's witty skepticism is wrong. She's just an all-around likable character.
Least favorite thing about them: Nothing about her personally, but about some of the commentary she inspires. I don't know just how bad it is because I'm not deep in the Austen fandom, but I've already seen too many people write about how "boring" she is, how she's "too perfect to be real," how she's "weaker" and "less intelligent" than Elizabeth, and how Austen must have meant her as a "deconstruction" of traditional femininity.
Now, I'm not saying there isn't some truth in that last part. Jane does embody all the ideal traits of a 19th century lady and of the traditional romantic heroine: beautiful, kind, innocent, gentle, reserved, well-mannered, selfless, forgiving, falls in love easily and tenderly... even the four-day cold she catches can be viewed as a milder version of the deathly illnesses so common among delicate 19th century heroines. Maybe it is significant that Austen took this classic heroine-type figure and made her a supporting character, while the more complex, unconventional Elizabeth gets to be the heroine, and maybe it does matter that some of her classic "feminine virtues" (namely her naïve, trusting nature and her ladylike shyness) are also her flaws. But she's not weaker than Elizabeth, and just because she's less quick-witted doesn't mean she's less smart: an important part of Elizabeth's character arc is to realize that her cynicism hasn't been wiser than Jane's idealism! She's not "too perfect" either; I've already covered that. And as for "boring," "well... I won't pretend she's as three-dimensional as Elizabeth, but I do think she's a fully developed character with some depth. I'd like to see more people explore the pressure she must feel to present a perfect ladylike image, or the idea that her relentless idealism might be her way of coping with her dysfunctional family, just like Elizabeth and Mr. Bennet's cynical wit is their coping mechanism. More of that, and less writing her off as just a dull cardboard "nice girl."
Three things I have in common with them:
*I like to believe the best of other people, because it hurts to believe the worst.
*I try to be kind to everyone.
*I can be shy and quiet in public, but I'm more talkative with my loved ones.
Three things I don't have in common with them:
*I don't have any sisters.
*I'm not expected to save my family from financial ruin with a good marriage.
*I'm not good at hiding my emotions – even when I try to look indifferent, my face always betrays me.
Favorite line:
Her response to Bingley's leaving, which stands out not only for her bravery in the face of heartbreak, but for her heartwarming generosity and lack of any anger toward Bingley (Elizabeth, of course, feels differently):
He may live in my memory as the most amiable man of my acquaintance, but that is all. I have nothing either to hope or fear, and nothing to reproach him with.
In her letter from London revealing her belated understanding of Caroline Bingley's false friendship:
My dearest Lizzy will, I am sure, be incapable of triumphing in her better judgement, at my expense, when I confess myself to have been entirely deceived in Miss Bingley’s regard for me. But, my dear sister, though the event has proved you right, do not think me obstinate if I still assert that, considering what her behaviour was, my confidence was as natural as your suspicion.
When she's newly engaged and blissfully happy:
"I am certainly the most fortunate creature that ever existed! Oh! Lizzy, why am I thus singled from my family, and blessed above them all! If I could but see you as happy! If there were but such another man for you!"
When she's still doubting Elizabeth's love for Darcy:
"Do anything rather than marry without affection."
When she finally believes it:
"Now I am quite happy, for you will be as happy as myself. I always had a value for him. Were it for nothing but his love of you, I must always have esteemed him; but now, as Bingley's friend and your husband, there can be only Bingley and yourself more dear to me."
(I agree with @anghraine that this line says something about the dysfunction of the Bennet family, even if it is half-joking – Jane has three other sisters and both of her parents still alive, but she says she'll love her brother-in-law more than anyone except her favorite sister and her husband!)
brOTP: Elizabeth.
OTP: Bingley.
nOTP: Her father, Mr. Collins, or Wickham.
Random headcanon: I'll borrow one from @anghraine: She's going to be best friends with Darcy once they're in-laws, and adore his and Elizabeth's children too. Since she's naturally good with children (she's implied to be the favorite older cousin of the Gardiners' little ones), and since Elizabeth and Darcy can both be prickly, their children will often turn to "Aunt Bingley" for the nurturing that their parents, however loving and well-meaning, will sometimes lack.
Unpopular opinion: She's not inhumanly perfect, but neither is she an insipid fool, and she deserves to be seen as a character in her own right, not just as a symbol of "ideal" Regency womanhood who contrasts with Elizabeth.
Song I associate with them: None at the moment.
Favorite pictures of them:
Not really a picture of her, but this painting of Mrs. Harriet Quentin by Jean François-Marie Huet-Villiers is thought to be the portrait that Austen saw in 1813 and described as looking exactly like her mental image of Jane:
Moving onto real Jane pictures, this watercolor by C.E. Brock:
This line drawing of Bingley's proposal by the same artist:
This drawing by his brother, H.M. Brock, showing her romance with Bingley blossoming as she recovers from her cold:
Sabina Franklyn, 1980 BBC miniseries:
Susannah Harker, 1995 BBC miniseries:
Rosamund Pike, 2005 film:
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The Oddest Amongst All Part 2 (Raiden Ei x Black Clover crossover)
I think my raiden Ei is a bit ooc... sorry!
Amongst all participants, there stood the oddest of them all. Long braided dark purple hair, which is very uncommon, unlike everyone who is just black, brown, and blonde.
Tall and beautiful, her neck craned toward the sky, mesmerized by many birds flocking surrounding her. She held out her arms when one bird perched on her index finger and chirped.
Raiden Ei is an enigma, that is all Yami could deduce. No mana, no grimoire. Just herself with a super amazing reflex. She dodged his attack like it was nothing, (not that he even give his all in this fight, all his attack is kinda lazy patterned, but still fast nonetheless) simply using her purple polearm that appeared from nowhere.
Maybe that's her magic?
But magic is impossible to have if there is no mana. Some sort of skill, perhaps?
...................
"That's mana. Can you feel them?" Yami's eyebrows twitched in annoyance to see Ei just munching her tricolor dango while comfortably sitting on Charmy's cloud magic.
"Feel...? You mean the wind?"
"No."
"Then no." Her teeth bit a sweet dango before she yanked them off the skewer.
----
"Yawning without covering your mouth? Uncouth. I will pardon your rudeness this time."
Yami found himself twitching.
"Sorry, I don't understand what'chu saying. And can you shut your mouth? I'm trying to fish here." He grunted in his motherland language .
When they first met Yami got the suspicion that Ei might be a noble, or once a noble. Her tone when she spoke was like the nobles would do.
But then it changed when there was a time he murmured words in Japanese, and Ei was there to reply back to him in full Japanese as well. As well as when she was writing, she admitted she knew nothing about the kingdom's letter, instead just write her name in familiar Japanese writing.
"Are ya from the land of sun?"
"No. I am the ruler of Inazuma. The region of eternity, one that is located to the southeast of Liyue Harbor and is a close neighbor of the Dark Sea."
Inazuma, a word that hold the meaning of 'thunder'. But a region with such name, never once Yami ever heard of. Same goes to Liyue Harbor, and the Dark Sea.
Either Ei is delirious and just has a very unexplainable fantasy or some crazy shit happened, Yami wasn't even interested.
---
"Oi." He called at the man behind the counter. "Register her to join the Magic Knight Entrance Exam." He said as he pointed at Ei.
"Cap-Captain Yami!? S-sure! Then- let me look at her grimo-"
"She doesn't have one."
"Eh-?"
"So, Participant 167 is it?"
...................
The Magic Knight Entrance Exam are going to start any time soon as more and more participants filling in the stadium. Yami looked over from the stand, arms crossing on his chest. His grey eyes bored into Ei, observing her every action. While other participants happily chattered among themselves, Ei sat alone admiring the chirping birds.
While waiting for the exam to begin, numerous anti-birds flock the venue as they pester the examinees. As Yami expected, the amount of anti birds around Ei are innumerable.
Anti-birds are birds that would pester the examinees whom have low magical power. The more anti-birds flock an individual, the weaker that person's magical power are.
"Look at her. So many anti-birds!"
"So another weaklings then. Less rival to compete."
"I bet she's a low class. Look at her outfit!"
"I think her outfit is pretty! But... isn't it a bit... revealing?" A girl's voice asked her uncertainties, hinting at Ei's revealing shoulder and thighs.
'Which means she's so poor that she can't even afford clothes to buy a well made dress!"
"What an unsightful view!"
Based on the other examinees face espressions, Yami knew they were bad-talking about Ei. While he couldn't hear them, he sure that Ei could but just paid no mind to them, instead admiring the birds. And based on Ei's expression, he 100% sure that Ei don't know at all of the purpose of Anti-bird but simply birds that worth admiring.
He sighed, while the other captains took their respective seats. 'Well, just do the best you can, Ei.'
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MATTHIEU RICARD
"When I was fourteen, a girlfriend asked me point-blank: “Really? You go fishing!?” Her tone of voice and the look she gave me—stunned and disapproving at the same time—were eloquent enough. “You go fishing?”
Suddenly I saw that whole scene in a different light: a fish pulled from its vital element by an iron hook stuck through its mouth, then suffocating in the air the way we drown in water. In order to lure the fish to the hook, did I not also skewer a worm as living bait, thus sacrificing one life to destroy another? How could I have let my mind block out this reality of suffering for such a long time? Sickened to the heart by these thoughts, I gave up fishing on the spot.
No doubt, when compared to the drastic events that wreck the lives of so many human beings in the world, my preoccupation with those little fish might seem ludicrous. But for me this was a turning point.
At the age of twenty I had the great good fortune of meeting Tibetan spiritual masters, who from that time on have inspired every moment of my existence. The central point of their teachings has been the royal way of love and universal compassion.
Although for a long time I had not been able to put myself in others’places, training with the masters, little by little I learned altruistic love, doing the best I could to open myself—to open my mind and heart—to the plights of others. I trained myself in compassion, and I reflected on the human condition and the condition of animals as well. Without a doubt, I still have a long way to go, and I will continue to do my best to make progress in my understanding of the teachings I have received.
It is far from my intention, as you will have gathered, to rebuke people who in one way or another cause animals to suffer. They often do it without thinking, as I myself used to do. It truly is difficult to make the connection between the latest consumer items, including food and medicines that sometimes save our lives, and the suffering that is usually involved in their fabrication.
Cultural traditions also play a major role in our perceptions of animals, our companions on this planet. Some societies have developed collective patterns of thought that encourage the view that animals exist to serve humans, but the outlook of other traditions has long been that every being, human or nonhuman, must be respected...
In spite of the sense of wonder the animal kingdom inspires in us, we are responsible for an ongoing massacre of animals on a scale unequaled in the history of humankind. Every year, sixty billion land animals and a thousand billion marine animals are killed for our consumption. Moreover, this mass killing and its corollary—the excessive consumption of meat in the wealthy countries—is madness on a global scale. It perpetuates hunger in the world, increases the world’s ecological imbalances, and is even harmful to human health.
We continue to live in ignorance concerning the harm we inflict on animals—very few of us have ever visited an industrial breeding site or a slaughterhouse. We maintain a kind of moral schizophrenia that has us lavishly pampering our pets and at the same time planting our forks in the pigs that have been sent to the slaughter by the millions, even though they are in no way less conscious, less sensitive to pain, or less intelligent than our cats and dogs.
Starting with the era of the ancestors we share with other animal species, little by little, by a long series of steps and minimal changes, we arrived at the stage of Homo sapiens. In the course of this slow evolution, there was no “magical moment” that would justify our conferring on ourselves a special nature that makes us fundamentally different from the many species of hominids that preceded us. Nothing occurred in the evolutionary process that would justify our claim to a right of total supremacy over the animals.
The most striking quality that humans and animals have in common is the capacity to experience suffering. Why do we still blind ourselves, now at the beginning of the twenty-first century, to the immeasurable suffering that we inflict on animals, knowing that a great part of the pain that we cause them is neither necessary nor unavoidable? Certainly we should know that there is no moral justification for inflicting needless pain and death on any being."
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Team RWBY and Jaune were sent to the past, specifically their days as students for beacon. Team RWBY from the past starts making fun of Jaune talking about how he’s the weakest student but then the future Team RWBY tell their past selves the things Jaune had to go through to get here and to be ready to help their Jaune when he needs it.
Weiss: Argh! (Slams door to her dorm room behind her) I am THIS close to skewering Arc!
Ruby: But your fingers are touching.
Weiss: Exactly! (Walks to the window) What part of this is he not understanding? I don't want anything to do with him! He's a creep, and a loser, and by far the worst student at Beacon! Why is he even here?!
Ruby: That's not really fair to him. I mean, he's here to learn, just like us.
Weiss: Then why doesn't he do that, instead of wasting his time on me?! I never sent a signal that I would even be remotely in him, did I?
Outside of view of the window, a familiar pair watch the scene unfold. The older version of the girl speaking and the boy in question, Jaune Arc and Weiss Schnee, observed the discussion with great interest.
Weiss: Did I?
Jaune: Well, kind of. When you and Ruby were at orientation, you kind of pointed at me and called me tall and blond.
Weiss: I also called you scraggly.
Jaune: I chose to ignore it.
Weiss: Unlike my rejections.
Jaune: Yeah, I, uh, got some bad dating advice growing up.
Weiss: What? Harrass a girl until she calls the police?
Jaune: No! ...Only until she says no.
Weiss: I did say no.
Jaune: To going to the movies. So, I thought you weren't a movie kind of girl. (Chuckles) Turns out you are.
Weiss: Only when pushed into it. Still, I can't believe I said those things about you. To you.
Jaune: Not like I didn't deserve it.
Weiss: You didn't! I mean, you did, but not... Ugh! This is so complicated.
Jaune: (Chuckles) More complicated than time travel?
Weiss: Still, let me say... I'm sorry, for being so rude. I was impulsive, and childish, and completely out of line. I should have just been honest and straightforward, or perhaps a little more tactful with my statements.
Jaune: Apology accepted, Weiss. It's all in the past.
Yang: What's going on out here? I'm trying to take a shower, and ice queen keeps shrieking like a banshee. Did Jaune finally ask you out?
Weiss: Silence, Xiao Long!
Yang: Ooh, last name! What did he do this time? Guitar serenade? Ring in a cake? Dirty pictures?
Weiss: Ack! No! Disgusting!
Yang: Yeah, you're right. Vomit Boy isn't exactly the picture of a model male. If it wasn't for Pyrrha, he'd probably be skin and bones still.
Weiss: Or dead. (Whispers) Preferably.
Yang: And his onesie is such a mood-killer. I didn't even know they made adult-sized onesies!
Ruby: At least he's getting better, though, right?
Blake: Physically, yes, but not enough to keep him alive. (RWY jump) If he can't beat Cardin, he won't last against the Grimm.
Ruby: How long were sitting there?
Blake: The whole time.
Weiss: And you chose now to speak up?
Blake: Everyone else gave their opinions. I decided to give mine. I also reserve my right to stand by it.
Yang: What, that Lady Killer isn't good enough for ice queen?
Weiss: Hey!
Blake: More like not good enough to be a huntsman. He's emotionally too idealistic, and his teammates are too nice to tell him otherwise. When a plan goes wrong, he'll panic, and likely get himself or his team killed.
Jaune: Thanks for going easy on me, Blake.
Blake: I still reserve my right. You weren't ready for the real world.
Jaune: Yeah, I, uh, guess I wasn't.
Yang: Smooth, Blake.
Blake: However, that was a long time ago. We've all grown since back then. We've been tried and tested, and we've come out on top. And now, we're here, more ready than ever for the real world. I won't deny what I said, but I will stand by everything I say. And that includes this: Jaune, you have grown into a great huntsman.
Jaune: (Looks away, Chokes) Excuse me! I have something in my eyes!
Yang: Way to go, Blakey; you made him actually cry.
Blake: It wouldn't be the first time.
Weiss: What?
Ruby: What do you mean?
Blake: You'll see.
Ruby: Come on, guys! I know Jaune isn't perfect, but he's still our friend, right?
Weiss: Hardly.
Blake: Loosely.
Yang: I mean, eh?
Ruby: Come on!
Yang: Well, let's be honest, Rubes; who's the better huntsman, you or Jaune?
Ruby: Well, Jaune isn't the worst guy here, but-
Weiss: Who's been killing Grimm longer?
Ruby: Well, I can't speak for Jaune, but-
Blake: Ruby, look at us. Be honest. Is Jaune fit to be a team leader?
Ruby: ...I'm going to the bathroom. (Gets up, Walks to the bathroom)
Weiss: She doesn't get it, does she?
Yang: She does. She just doesn't want to say it.
Ruby: I should have stood up for you. I should have told them they were wrong. But I didn't. I'm sorry.
Jaune: (Pats her on the shoulder) You made the safe bet. You were against three, so you stayed out of it and let it play out of it. That's sounds like a team leader move to me.
Ruby: Thanks, Jaune. I'm glad you're here.
Yang: ...Speaking of, why is Jaune here?
Ruby: Huh?
Weiss: She does have a point. I mean, look, we're all in there, but it's just us. Jaune isn't there.
Ruby: Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, Yang was in the bathroom at first, so that means she was there, just not in the same room, technically.
Blake: ...
Jaune: ...
Weiss: But by that logic, if he was close enough to the main room, then that would mean...
The world shifted around as the group of found themselves inside Beacon now. Specifically, they were in the all too familiar halls between teams RWBY and JNPR. And there was Jaune, standing at Team RWBYs doorway.
Struggling to withhold his tears.
Jaune: I... I should go. (Turns around, Enters his dorm) Maybe tomorrow.
Ruby: Jaune, you-
Weiss: Why didn't you tell us, Blake?!
Blake: It wouldn't have changed anything.
Yang: It totally could have! If we knew, then we'd-
Blake: We'd what? Apologize? It wouldn't have meant anything to him. If anything, we would have made him apologize to us for eavesdropping.
Weiss: That's- I mean, it's- I don't- (Turns to Jaune) Jaune, listen! I didn't mean to say those terrible things, and if I knew, I would have-!
Jaune: Pft!
Weiss: Are you... laughing at my apology?
Jaune: Hm? Oh, sorry, no, I was just remembering this part.
Weiss: What part?
The room shifts to interior of Team JNPRs dorm. Inside, Nora is doing Ren's make-up, giggling as Ren looks like a cross between a clown and a prostitute, while Pyrrha sits back and films it on her scroll. Jaune quickly runs his face, but his team notices. They immediately stop and move in to comfort him. He smiles.
Jaune: Sorry, Nora. I guess I can't wear make-up tonight!
Nora: What?! Oh no! If anything, we should be doing it now while you're still sad! Give that nice Valian Mime look!
Ren: Or a Valian tramp.
Nora: Yeah! Whatever you want!
Pyrrha: I think what's most important is, what do you want, Jaune?
Jaune: (Same time as past Jaune) I want us all to be together, always. (Watches as his old team hugs him, Feels his body get tighter) Hm? (Looks down, RWBY hug him all at once) Heh, thanks, guys. You're the best.
#rwby#weiss schnee#ruby rose#jaune arc#yang xiao long#blake belladonna#nora valkyrie#lie ren#pyrrah nikos#my answers
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When we rang in the new year, I was super sick with what might have been Covid (but also might have been the flu? idk, I got three negative PCR test results, it’s very weird). I’m much better thankfully, so now, over halfway through the first month of 2022, I’m finally sitting down to do my yearly tradition: it’s time for my ten favorite new-to-me movies of 2021!
The rules are the same as always: no movies from this past year (2021) or the year before (2020). Every other year is free game.
All ten of these movies are wonderful and well worth your time, so consider this a strong endorsement for all of them. I’ve also included ways to watch all of the films (as of this writing: Jan. 17, 2022).
01. Yi Yi (dir. Edward Yang, 2000; Taiwan)
Over nearly three hours, Yang explores the emotional struggles of a middle-class family living in Taipei. It's not quite a spoiler to say the film opens with a wedding and closes with a funeral, because the plot isn't necessarily the important thing in Yi Yi. What matters are the moments of human connection -- a casual chat with a work colleague, a one-sided conversation with a comatose grandmother -- and those nearly imperceptible turning points in our lives -- a new hobby, an unexpected tragedy, a visit to an old friend. This is the first film I've seen from Yang, but if Yi Yi is any indication, he really understood people. As a work of cinema, as a human drama, as a meditation on the act of being alive, Yi Yi is magnificent. It's as rich and empathetic a film as I've ever seen.
(Yi Yi is streaming on the Criterion Channel and is available to rent online.)
02. The Miracle of Morgan’s Creek (dir. Preston Sturges, 1943; USA)
I have no earthly idea how The Miracle of Morgan’s Creek got made. Mercilessly skewering practically every tenet of the American way, from motherhood to virginity to marriage to the press to the war effort, this film is a screamingly funny screwball comedy with a surprisingly huge heart. Sturges guides his phenomenal cast to a host of great performances: Eddie Bracken, Betty Hutton, Diana Lynn, and William Demarest (who delivers some shocking pratfalls) all turn in top-notch work. It’s breathlessly ridiculous and I loved it so, so, so much.
(The Miracle of Morgan’s Creek is available to rent online and to view at this link.)
03. The Big City (dir. Satyajit Ray, 1963; India)
At this point, I don't really feel like I'm being too hyperbolic when I call Ray one of the wisest and most empathetic dramatists of the 20th century. Anchored by a tremendous performance from Madhabi Mukherjee, The Big City follows the tension in a middle-class conservative Calcutta family after Arati, a housewife, gets a job to earn the family some extra money. It's a terrific feminist film, one that paints a vivid picture of 1960s attitudes towards womanhood in India without being too on-the-nose about it. And, like in Ray's best films, the conflict that arises from the rest of the family unfolds honestly and poetically. There are no bad people in this Big City -- just complicated people who sometimes hurt each other. A masterwork from one of the best to ever do it.
(The Big City is currently streaming on the Criterion Channel and HBO Max.)
04. A Woman Under the Influence (dir. John Cassavetes, 1974; USA)
I'm a little embarrassed to confess that this was my first experience with John Cassavetes. The film lives and dies by Gena Rowlands, who does GOAT-level work here. She's legendary, and rightfully so: her Mabel emerges as an unflinchingly authentic human being, a whole bunch of nervy contradictions bundled together into one woman stuck in a marriage with an emotionally stunted husband who doesn't fully understand her. Brutal and shocking, raw and warm, exhausting and devastating, this is an undeniably great -- if taxing -- film.
(A Woman Under the Influence is currently streaming on the Criterion Channel and HBO Max.)
05. Three Colors: Red (dir. Krzysztof Kieślowski, 1994; Switzerland/France/Poland)
I'm not proud of the fact that it took me over four years to finish watching the Three Colors trilogy, but from what I can remember, Red is by far the most satisfying chapter. With two fully-fleshed out characters played beautifully by Irène Jacob and Jean-Louis Trintignant and a script that feels comfortable wrestling with multiple big ideas (god complexes, odd couples, fate, artistry, justice, the cyclical nature of love, etc.), Red feels far more complete than its predecessors. It probably helps that it's inarguably the warmest and most optimistic film of the trilogy too. An utter joy to watch and to dig into.
(Three Colors: Red is currently streaming on the Criterion Channel and HBO Max.)
06. 2046 (dir. Wong Kar-wai, 2004; Hong Kong)
I was nervous it wouldn't live up to the hype. I mean, how could it? In the Mood for Love is so singular a cinematic achievement, an all-time masterpiece that was rightfully canonized almost immediately, and then Wong Kar-wai tempted fate by releasing a sequel. I shouldn’t have worried: 2046 is a marvel that blurs the lines between reality and fiction, history and the imagined future. Unlike its predecessor, which is an intimate chamber piece, this is a much larger meditation on the very experience of heartbreak, of rebuilding oneself after a love affair has turned sour. This is a deeply empathetic, almost unbearably gorgeous film.
(2046 is available to rent online.)
07. Rocco and His Brothers (dir. Luchino Visconti, 1960; Italy)
Rocco and His Brothers is huge, but tremendously powerful and pretty handily my favorite film from Visconti so far. Brutal, precise, tragic, and beautifully realized, this epic family drama is anchored by a slew of great performances from Alain Delon, Katina Paxinou, Max Cartier, and Annie Girardot, but it’s Renato Salvatori who walks away with the film. His devastating portrait of toxic masculinity is astonishing to watch. Essential viewing.
(Rocco and His Brothers is currently streaming on the Criterion Channel.)
08. Silkwood (dir. Mike Nichols, 1983; USA)
Undoubtedly one of the high points in the legendary careers of both Mike Nichols and Meryl Streep. It’s a terrifying film -- terrifying because the ways Karen Silkwood was destroyed, psychologically and physically by men in power -- but it's also utterly infuriating in its clear distillation of her injustice. From the beautifully observed interpersonal relationships around the factory to the gradual fraying of the central friendship between Streep’s Karen and Cher’s Dolly, the film's human component is always firmly front-and-center. That doesn't make it any less politically toothy though: the story of corporations trying to destroy unions and the people who run them is as American as apple pie. That truth makes Silkwood one of the most essential films this country has ever produced.
(Silkwood is currently available to rent and can be viewed at this link.)
09. 35 Shots of Rum (dir. Claire Denis, 2008; France)
Claire Denis is indisputably a master storyteller, but she's also one of the most perceptive, empathetic filmmakers walking the planet. Taking inspiration from Ozu's Late Spring, she infuses the mundane beauty in the world and in the day-to-day intricacies of our familial relationships with an almost cosmic grace. A lesser film might put the father-daughter relationship in the background in favor of the romance, but not Ozu, and certainly not Denis, and thank goodness for that: 35 Shots of Rum comes most alive when we linger in the bittersweet, frustrating love that Alex Descas' Lionel and Mati Diop's Josephine have for each other. By the ending, the audience feels like they've spent several months with this family rather than just 100 minutes. It's a real wonder.
(35 Shots of Rum is currently streaming on MUBI.)
10. It’s Always Fair Weather (dir. Stanley Donen & Gene Kelly, 1955; USA)
I can’t believe I hadn’t even heard of this film before this year. It's Always Fair Weather is like if The Best Years of Our Lives and On the Town had a baby and also that baby had depression. I mean that in the best way possible. So much happens in this film (Betty Comden and Adolph Green’s script is a miracle) that it’s hard to describe without getting lost in the weeds, but there are two elements that deserve individual recognition: first, Dolores Gray, who steals the film as a vapid, manipulative TV hostess, and brings the house down with her big number “Thanks a Lot, but No Thanks;” second, just like in Singin' in the Rain, the most wonderful moment in the film is a solo performed by Gene Kelly on the street: “I Like Myself,” an irrepressible expression of joy and one of the best numbers of Kelly’s career.
(It’s Always Fair Weather is available to rent and can be viewed at this link.)
Honorable mentions (in alphabetical order): Big Deal on Madonna Street (Mario Monicelli, 1958), The Bigamist (Ida Lupino, 1953), Blood Simple (Joel Coen, 1984), The Children’s Hour (William Wyler, 1961), Common Threads: Stories from the Quilt (Rob Epstein & Jeffrey Friedman, 1989), Dance, Girl, Dance (Dorothy Arzner, 1940), Distant Voices, Still Lives (Terence Davies, 1988); The Eternal Breasts (Kinuyo Tanaka, 1955), Floating Weeds (Yasujiro Ozu, 1959), Funeral Parade of Roses (Toshio Matsumoto, 1969), The Gleaners and I (Agnès Varda, 2000), Hail the Conquering Hero (Preston Sturges, 1944), The Heartbreak Kid (Elaine May, 1972), It Should Happen to You (George Cukor, 1954), The Last Detail (Hal Ashby, 1973), Monsieur Hulot’s Holiday (Jacques Tati, 1953), Morocco (Josef von Sternberg, 1930), My Neighbors the Yamadas (Isao Takahata, 1999), News from Home (Chantal Akerman, 1977), Nights of Cabiria (Federico Fellini, 1957), One Week (Buster Keaton & Edward F. Cline, 1920), Paprika (Satoshi Kon, 2006), Point Break (Kathryn Bigelow, 1991), Popeye the Sailor Meets Sindbad the Sailor (Dave Fleischer, 1936), Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping (Akiva Schaffer & Jorma Taccone, 2016), A Raisin in the Sun (Daniel Petrie, 1961), Salt of the Earth (Herbert J. Biberman, 1954), The Sea Wolf (Michael Curtiz, 1941), Sweet Smell of Success (Alexander Mackendrick, 1957), The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (Joseph Sargent, 1974), To Joy (Ingmar Bergman, 1950), Touch of Evil (Orson Welles, 1958), Twenty-Four Eyes (Keisuke Kinoshita, 1954), Uptight (Jules Dassin, 1968), Wanda (Barbara Loden, 1970), and Where is My Friend’s House? (Abbas Kiarostami, 1987).
And some miscellaneous viewing stats:
First movie watched in 2021: Carmen Jones (Otto Preminger, 1954)
Final movie watched in 2021: When Harry Met Sally... (Rob Reiner, 1989)
Worst movie watched: The Snowman (Tomas Alfredson, 2017)
Oldest movie watched: Les Vampires - Episode Two: The Ring That Kills (Louis Feuillade, 1915)
Longest movie watched: War and Peace (King Vidor, 1956; 208 minutes)
Month with most amount of movies watched: April (42 movies, including shorts)
Month with least amount of movies watched: September (7 movies)
First movie from 2021 seen: Judas and the Black Messiah (Shaka King, 2021)
Total movies watched: 282
#sometimes elliott watches movies#year in review#yi yi#edward yang#the miracle of morgan's creek#preston sturges#the big city#satyajit ray#a woman under the influence#john cassavetes#three colors: red#krzysztof kieslowski#2046#wong kar-wai#rocco and his brothers#luchino visconti#silkwood#mike nichols#35 shots of rum#claire denis#it's always fair weather#stanley donen#gene kelly
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too soon to tell, e x t r a
A WOMAN’S WORLD
What exactly does a modern-day feminist look like? On a rainy Tuesday night in London, she sits in a hotel bar and stirs an extra-dry martini with an olive skewer, though she insists olives aren’t really her style.
“They’re gross,” she tells me with a smile, gold hoop earrings and a deep red lip make her look like a regular in the swanky setting. “But I love a good martini.”
If you haven’t heard of Gigi Hadid (is there anyone that hasn’t?), here’s the scoop: she’s walked in some of the most prestigious fashion shows, landed amazing collaborations with Gucci and Fendi alike, and, she’s really passionate about leveling the playing field when it comes to sexism in celebrity culture.
When I first sat down with Gigi in a high-rise near Mayfair, she was able to rattle off some of the questions she’s been asked in interviews or on red carpets. It typically goes like this: what do you look for in a man? How do you maintain your physique? Any romantic interests lately? What’s your go-to make-up routine? And now, how’s Zayn?
Admittedly, it’s a question I asked right off the bat, and not because there was nothing more interesting to talk about than the guy she’s dating.
You see, Gigi and I have a few things in common. Not only do we both have a fervent distaste for olives and a love for New York hotdogs, we’ve also both dated guys from One Direction and live to tell the tale.
Gigi tells me on most days, she’s happy to brag about Zayn. “I’m proud of his work and his career--and I’m happy to chat about it. But what’s strange to me is that people just assume they can ask about my private life or--” and we both agreed this is worse: “--they view me as Zayn’s girlfriend--not just Gigi.”
So what makes Gigi, Gigi?
“That’s a huge question,” she laughs and sips her drink, a twinkle in her eyes tells me she’s given it thought before. “I’d like to think I’m a loyal friend, funny, caring, passionate.” About what, you might ask? “Equal rights, challenging discrimination, dismantling the patriarchy,” she grins mischievously. You know, a typical Tuesday.
But she means it. Gigi’s activism has ensured she’s more than just a pretty face, literally. She marched to protest the Muslim Ban enacted by Donald Trump, she partnered with UNICEF to support rights for women and children in Bangladesh. She’s worked with the BBC to raise money for disadvantaged youth, but a lot of you probably didn’t know that.
“I just think it’s unfortunate that I put all this work into raising awareness or raising money, and yet I show up somewhere and all people want to talk about is my love life,” she says.
Gigi knows, though, how lucky she is to have the platform she has. With millions of followers and her name in headlines every week, she recognizes the privilege and responsibility she holds.
“I guess I’m at the point where I know I want to use my fame for good,” she laughs. “And I have to remind myself that dating [Zayn] has catapulted me to a level of fame I hadn’t really known before.”
She eyes me skeptically as we sit in a conference room at The Face headquarters that same week. I try to hide behind my notebook and tape-recorder, silently acknowledging the elephant in the room: our stories are eerily similar.
I was already being an idiot on the internet when I reconnected with my childhood pal, Harry Styles. But a highly-publicized friendship turned romance undoubtedly affected the number of retweets and likes my posts would accrue.
“I’m not saying it’s all bad,” she explains during our impromptu martini date turned interview extension. I only pulled out my tape recorder when we realize how funny we are after a cocktail. “I can’t sit here and say there aren’t perks.”
And she’s right. There are lots of great things about being in a relationship with someone who also lives a life in the public eye. They understand how weird it is to be recognized at the farmer’s market on Saturday, they know that dinner reservations have to be made under a pseudonym.
On top of all that, Gigi tells me, she’s thankful that her love life is interesting enough that it catches people’s eye. “People will read this article just because they’ll want to know about Zayn--they’ll want to know what we talked about regarding the band.”
Which, to be honest, is probably why my editor assigned me to this cover issue in the first place. You see, Gigi and I talked about a lot of different things, but we also talked in depth about this feature and how it would be received. Two women commiserating over sexism, simultaneously discussing their romantic relationships and bonding over a similar experience with guys?
“Sometimes it feels hypocritical,” she confesses, “to be bothered by the questions and then talk so much about how our relationship affects my career. But I’m grateful for what I have and I can be frustrated by sexism in celebrity culture at the same time. That makes me human.”
That’s who Gigi is, after all. She’s human. She loves both ketchup and mustard on her hotdogs and by the end of our time together, she reminds me that as difficult as it can be to navigate the rough waters of a public relationship and break-up, it only makes you stronger.
“You have to find a way to use it to your advantage,” she explains. “When people are interested in you and they’re listening to what you’re saying, you have to make sure it’s a message worth spreading.”
So maybe we’re no better than those who ask the annoyingly un-ironic questions as we sip martinis and giggle about her boyfriend and my ex from a boyband no longer with us.
Even Gigi admits: “us talking about One Direction will make headlines for weeks.”
If you’re interested in learning more about causes close to Gigi’s heart, visit www.theface.com/2019-october/gigi-hadid-causes
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AN: hi friends! just a little tidbit to hold you over until next chappie!!!! (aiming for next Saturday!) this is the feature MC writes re Gigi--also, please don't be a dick to me if this is ~not exactly how a journalist would write a feature~ cause i'm a nurse not a journalist soooo, yeah. OKAY!!!!! love you all thanks for reading!
tag list:
@thurhomish @styles217 @ursamajor603 @mleestiles @determined-overthinker @g0bl1nqueen @hsfics @rubytersteege @sing-me-a-song-harry @unkown7549 @harryspirate @havinaballinthisbitch @annesauriol @tenaciousperfectionunknown @fuck-w-mo @dontgiveupthedayjob @15christyxoxo @daydreamlife4me @msolbesg @somanyfandomsbruh @c-h-e-r-r-y-lips @foreverandaday-1 @mackenzmeme @nearbyou
#harry styles fic#harry styles fanfction#harry styles fiction#harry styles fanfic#harry styles stories#harry styles story#harry styles fan fic#harry styles#harry styles ou#harry styles x reader#harry styles x y/n#harry styles reader insert#idkthisisjustforfanfic
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“AWAKE.”
» PAIRING : atsumu x fem!reader
» SUMMARY : atsumu, who’s nothing like his chef brother fails at making yakitori.
» TAGS : fluff, reader has box braids....
NOTES : this has been marinating in my drafts for weeks now but yeah... here ya go. hope you enjoy!
When your eyelids tense and the rays of the sun peek out from the blinds of your bedroom, the indulging scent of yakitori causes a surge of happiness to shoot through your veins. A dopey smile is plastered on your face as you remove your bonnet from your head, braids sitting messily atop your shoulders.
Who wouldn't like to wake up to grilled chicken?
Unfortunately, your indulgence is short-lived because a thought hits you square in the chest.
Atsumu can't cook.
And as soon as your thoughts transition so does the scent of chicken. Your nose scrunches up from the faint, acrid smell of burning meat.
“Atsumu freaking Miya!” You shout, hastily pulling the sheet from your body and springing up from the soft mattress. Your bare feet pad urgently along with the cool tile of the hallway. You get no answer but you enter the kitchen to find a complete, utter mess.
The gallon of soy sauce you had recently bought was less than half empty. You weren’t an expert at cooking yakitori but you didn’t need that much? Your eyes widen after catching sight of the empty bottle of your very expensive mirin sweet rice wine. Hands twitching by your sides as you follow a trail of what seems to be brown sugar to the sliding patio door that leads to your backyard.
Out of anger, you slide the door open, voice readied to yell at Atsumu till your throat was hoarse, and send him on a shopping spree to the farthest and most expensive food market. But you’re instead met with a head of bright orange. All the anger dissipates from your body as it’s displaced with confusion.
“Eh, who are you?” You study his wide-eyed expression which looks equally as confused as yours.
“Oh, hello. I’m Shoyo!” He smiles and your tempted to shield your eyes in term of how bright it is. Familiar name, familiar face...
“Y-y/n!” You swivel to see Atsumu standing in front of a smoking grill. Your eyes flit from his to see two other figures also surrounding the grill.
“And what exactly do you think you’re doing?” you ask, stepping away from Shoyo. The burning smell getting stronger and stronger.
"Making yakitori!" he says enthusiastically. Trying his best to coax you out of anger. He had good intentions, wanting to surprise you with one of your favorite foods on a day that you decided to sleep in. You had been working really hard lately but he had let it slip while on the phone with Bokuto —he had an annoying habit in which he talked about you at the most unreasonable times— and so, Bokuto had mistaken him for a good cook just because his brother was.
"Putting that aside." You grit, giving him a glare that sends a shiver down his spine. "Who are they?" you whisper, trying to be considerate but you fail miserably because you're one hundred percent sure that they all had heard you.
"My teammates," he deadpans. You pout and turn bashfully. In all honesty, you never really paid attention to the rest of the Jackals, only him.
"I uh- I knew they looked familiar," you humph and Atsumu raises an eyebrow in skepticism.
"Whatever," you turn the situation around. "Thought we promised that you wouldn't try to cook. " You move to the grill to see more than a dozen charred pieces of meat.
Your eye twitches in frustration. "Were you all standing in front of the grill the entire time?" you question and they all innocently nod. "Then how the...?" You squint, rubbing the middle of your forehead as you feel the approaching signs of a headache.
"Well, in all honesty, I tried to tell him it was on the verge of burning but he didn’t listen.” You turn to the sound of a muffled voice.
Okay, you recognized him. Atsumu had mentioned a curly-haired spiker that wore masks ninety percent of the time and hated uncleanliness.
“You’re not serious,” you grunt. Grabbing the pair of tongs from Atsumu’s hand and moving the charred meat to a paper plate. “Where are the scallions?”
“I’m not supposed to put it on after?”
“Y—” you try. “You don’t read recipes?” You grab a bowl of uncooked chicken from the backyard table. “You don’t have a chef brother?”
“Didn’t wanna ask him,” Atsumu whines, towering over your figure as he watches you put the chicken on a skewer.
“So instead of making a simple phone call, you decided to waste all of my food?”
“Not a waste, It’s simple trial and error.” You whip around to stare at him with a bewildered look.
“Don’t look at me like that! I’ll learn eventually.”
“This was your first and last chance,” You declare.
“Hey.. uh—Shoyo?” A head of orange turns to you. “Can you get me eight scallions, they’re in the basket on the kitchen counter.”
“Okay!” He dashes to the patio door.
“And...”
“Sakusa.”
“Sakusa, can you grab the jar of ginger and garlic paste in the right upper cupboard?”
“Why?”
“It’s your fault for letting him burn the chicken,” you chide. His eyebrows furrow at that.
"It's not, but fine.” When he walks away you hear something alongside the words, I hope your kitchen is clean.
“Wait! Wait! What about me?” You turn to a figure with silver spiky hair, his large yellow eyes peering at you. He’s adorable.
“Just uh... you see that table.” You point. “Just set them up for me.” He immediately scrambles to do just that.
“So...” Atsumu looks down at you, his dirty blonde hair shadowing his forehead. “Do you not love me anymore?”
“Who said that?” you whisper.
“I know that look,” he says with a humph.
“What look?” You furrow your eyebrows. “That look you get when you see something adorable.”
“Don’t know what you’re talking about.” You maneuver your way around him to grab the scallions Shoyo brings to you, giving him a smile in thanks. From the corner of your eye, you see Atsumu clutch his chest, feigning hurt. You roll your eyes at his antics.
“I’ll love you even more if you go make drinks.”
“Of course! Anything for my—” He stops when he sees your attention is no longer on him. Only focused on the jar of paste Sakusa hands to you. His lip downturns as he walks towards the patio door and closes it as he enters.
“Is he okay?” Sakusa asks, brows furrowed as he stares, dumbfounded.
“Is who ok—” Your voice trails off as you see Atsumu, his head leaning against the patio door as he shakes his head with a somber expression.
You cover your mouth with your hand as you try your best to stifle your laughter. Atsumu turns to you, shakes his head once more, and walks away from view.
“Sakusa.” You turn. “Do you know how to make yakitori?” He nods with a slight scowl. Though, you’re sure it’s just how his face normally is.
“Can you, you know….” You trail off, waving to the skewered chicken. “I already did everything you just have to grill them.” He nods again and takes his place in front of the grill.
“Thank you!” You wave. Turning to walk towards the patio door, and enter the kitchen. You see Atsumu perk up while he scrummages through the refrigerator. But he doesn’t say a thing.
“What are you making?” You take a seat on the cool counter.
“Lemonade,” he grumbles, a pout on his lips as he places a lemon in a lemon juicer. Your eyes zoom in on his arms. Catching on, he turns away from you.
“Wha—are you mad at me?” You huff, arms crossed. A beat of silence passes by. “I’ll help you if you talk to me.” Another beat of silence.
“You don’t want my help?” You sniffle, a cloud of gloom clouding you.
“W-wait I never said that.” Atsumu scrambles towards you to grasp your shoulders in consolation. “I-’m sorry, I just—" He blinks when he sees you stifling a giggle.
“Now, that I finally have your attention.” He turns away from you but you wrap your arms around his neck. “I apologize for being mean to you this morning.” He hums with a nod.
“Although, you kinda deserved it.” You detach yourself from his embrace. But before you can back away, Atsumu grabs your jaw to pull you into a kiss.
“Wait!” You back away. “I didn’t even brush my teeth!” You sputter out, his offended expression turning into one with understanding.
“Oh, yeah. Go do that.” You roll your eyes and punch him in the shoulder. “Shut up.”
“Don’t think you're off the hook, we’re going to the food market today.” You trudge up the stairs.
“The close one, right?”
“No.”
“Wait why— that cashier lady always looks at me like she’s in love with me!” He runs after you.
You turn towards him. “It’s your fault for being so hot, you know.” You pat his head. Though, you regret it when his brown eyes shimmer. “Do you really mean that?” He rubs the back of his neck and shuffles back and forth. “Well, if you put it like that, I’ll go everywhere you go.” He confesses, bashfully.
With a sigh, you close the bathroom door on his face.
back to m.list
#atsumu x you#atsumu fluff#haikyuu fluff#haikyuu x reader#atsumu x black reader#atsumu x poc reader#haikyuu x black reader#atsumu x reader
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Hello! It's me again, your fellow Katipunera. Thank you so much for actually doing a short of my request and omg tibak Hange is just so fitting! 🥺 I hope you actually turn it into a full-length fic eventually, I can just imagine Hange teaching Levi different constellations as they stargaze at the PAG-ASA observatory lol. Again, many thanks and stay safe always! 🌻
Felt some sort of motivation to continue this fic, and since it's @levihanweek, I wanted to write something in a college setting, so here we go:
Day 1: School
(Read the first part here.)
He doesn’t know when it all started, how it happened. Hange draws him towards her by inviting him to more of these gatherings. The non-rallies. The post- or pre-processing for the protests. It’s informational, she says, something that classes could never teach them. And all he can do is listen and follow along.
They reserve a room on campus, one hidden from plain view, and Hange stands there in front in her plain black tee and baggy jeans, her flip flops a signature element to her outfit. A small crowd has gathered beforehand, waiting for what she has to say. Going up the small platform in the room, she balls her right hand into a fist in front of her audience, raises it up high, and begins her talk.
“The March for Science is a protest on behalf of the scientific and the marginalized community,” she says, reminding everyone that “no farmers, no food,” and “just the facts, bitches.” She elicits a few giggles from the younger audience, and that’s how Levi knows Hange’s got them hooked.
The people are intrigued by her speech, and there is a certain curiosity in their eyes with the way they burn bright. For Levi, politics was always something he didn't dare venture into and would rather leave things to his uncle who had a seat in the government. He wonders if there really is something worth fighting for in these kinds of issues. If there’s something worth standing up for. Or if it’s merely just Hange being Hange that sparks the interest of people.
When the meeting is over, he’s about to head for the exit, but Hange comes up to him. “What do you think?”
He shrugs his shoulders. “Could go a little bit softer with the dissent, but shit, you do you.”
Hange laughs, thinks it’s a joke. It’s only the two of them left in the room now. She puts her hands in her pockets. “Wanna have lunch with me?”
“Why?”
"I just feel like having some company right now. Besides, it’s National Resilience Day."
"I don't give a shit about the date," he says, making a mental note to remember that it is, indeed, National Resilience Day. He really doesn’t know how Hange has an inkling to know these kinds of obscure events. In the silence, his stomach betrays him with a gurgling sound, much to Hange’s amusement. “I guess I don’t mind grabbing something to eat.”
Truth be told he doesn’t like eating at the public cafeteria. It’s too open, too messy, and the busboys who collect the empty plates from the tables are terrible when it comes to waiting—last time he stayed there, Levi was still finishing up his meal when someone swiped his plate from him. Now he’d rather dine elsewhere. Perhaps in fancier restaurants that he can somehow afford with the weekly allowance that his uncle provides him.
But Hange doesn’t take him there.
She takes it a notch above his expectations when she brings him to the public food carts where vendors are selling street food of all kinds. Levi can hear the sizzling of fish balls getting deep-fried in a wok, the crackling of hot oil, the clinking of coins being exchanged in transaction. One of the vendors is basting the meat sticks in sweet sauce, flipping the skewers once in a while, the smell of barbeque wafting through the air.
“I go here ‘cause it’s cheap and it helps the small business owners,” Hange explains as she orders them the so-called combo meals. He offers to pay nevertheless, but Hange dismisses it, saying it’s her treat—for tagging him along to these talks. She continues to explain the plight of the vendors: “Some days they need assistance, so they allow students to take over the stalls and sell their food on behalf of them for a day or two.”
“What kind of students would do that? It’s disgusting to be under the heat of the sun all day.” He blurts out without really thinking, but thankfully, Hange’s not the slightest offended.
In fact, she seems to understand where he’s coming from. “One day, maybe you’ll see.”
When their meals are ready, Hange shoves one of the plates into his hands. He frowns. “You don’t eat cheese sticks?” she asks him.
“Never tried.”
“Oh, boy.” Hange smirks at him. “This will change your life.”
Instead of heading to the cafeteria, she proposes to take him someplace else. They’re sitting cross-legged on a bench in front of the academic oval, watching people run across the grassy field. Hange waves a hand at someone and Levi recognizes Moblit from their other class. He has never really done this before, just watching, observing from a distance. Except when he’s with her.
Hange takes another piece of cheese stick from the paper plate of instant stir-fry noodles. They’re running out of fish balls on the side. He likes what he’s had so far, even the sauce that goes along with their meals.
"So what are you taking?" Hange asks him while munching on her food.
He twirls his fork on the plate so he can scoop the remaining noodles. "Communications." Hange guffaws, and he’s offended. "What's so funny?"
Hange tries to compose herself and proceeds to dip her cheese stick into the honey mustard. "No, it's just that… for someone who's so awfully high-strung and silent and, uh, non politically-involved, you don't strike me as the type of person who would be… communicative."
Her conclusion does make sense. Most students studying Communication are lively, energetic, and talkative. Needless to say, he’s none of those.
"I don't imagine myself to be a reporter. I imagine myself writing articles for print. Editing. Proofreading. Stuff like that."
"I see.” She stares into the sunset, and Levi does the same. There are trees all around them, the honking of cars on the main road, the clamor of barkers and passengers alighting the public vehicles, the nuances of their campus life.
Somehow, it makes him feel safe.
Hange proceeds to tell him about how she likes to stargaze at night, because the constellations are so much clearer from this point of view in their university field. He has an inkling that it’s her way of inviting him to stargaze with him some other time. He already likes the idea a lot, but he feels like he still wants to get to know her even better.
“Why are you into all of this?” he can’t help but ask her. “What makes you think your anger can solve the nation's problems?”
It’s a very loaded question, one that really makes Hange think. She doesn’t speak for a while and proceeds to finish her food. He allows her the silence between them. Maybe he should have been a little bit nicer. A little less aggressive.
"Our very own Father President refuses to put medical science before politics. Everyone should be a supporter of science, you know? We all should listen to the scientists."
He scoffs. “Easy for you to say. It’s hard to believe what’s true and what isn’t nowadays.”
Their plates are now empty, and Levi takes hers so he can throw it in the nearest trash can. When he comes back, he sits beside her once again, this time, closer.
"I care about science and evidence-based policies, not the nonsense that politicians say,” Hange tells him while staring at the sunset. After a few seconds of silence, she faces him. “What about you?"
Levi finds the strength to hold her gaze. "I care about the untarnished truth."
#lhw2021#levihanweek2021#day 1: school#levihan#aot#snk#shingeko no kyojin#attack on titan#levi ackerman#snk levi#hange zoe#hanji#hanji zoe#soft hours#fanfic#fanfiction#writing#mine#ask#open#djmarinizela
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genshin impact ramble: the archons & their elements
this isn’t a criticism of the game or anything this is just me trying to organise my thoughts. also, this might be glaringly obvious but i thought it was cool and wanted to point it out.
(spoilers under the cut!)
so, from a lore perspective i was kind of always interested in how different characters matched their elements. obviously, the way you obtain a vision is pretty straightforward. it means someone has been recognised by the gods as someone who “deserves” it, which is super vague, but the common theme is that they are ambitious or dedicated enough. also, as zhongli mentions in his voice lines, they are someone who can carry the extra responsibility that comes with it.
but, obviously that doesn’t really tell us why people get different elements. i’ve seen a lot of people doubt whether or not the seven archons themselves actually get a say in who gets a vision because celestia exists and I assume they’re a higher power above the archons, etc. etc. also, there are some things that wouldn’t make sense if this were true. for example, qiqi’s reason for receiving a vision seems anomalous as she was on the verge of death and wasn’t necessarily trying to do anything to survive – she just really wanted to (which, i guess is good enough but also she doesn’t seem to fit into a pattern like the other cryo characters. then again, maybe i am thinking too hard about this and mihoyo just wanted to make a cryo loli). kazuha also momentarily gained a second electro vision when an electro vision hadn’t been given out for over a year (but since it’s an exceptional case that also only happened for a second, maybe there’s another reason for that).
at the same time, this proves that the archons actually do personally give out visions that correspond to their element. i saw somewhere that qiqi, being quite old chronologically, was probably given a vision based on the principles of the old/original cryo archon who might’ve been kinder (although, personally, i don’t think the current cryo archon is mean or anything, which i’ll get back to). the fact that electro visions hadn’t been given out for about a year (up to chapter two in the main story) as well makes sense since that is how long the vision hunt decree had been going on for. the electro archon, who didn’t want her own people to have visions, also was not giving them out. if it was up to celestia – or anyone else – then people would probably still be given visions.
considering that the chinese name for a vision literally translates to (“eye of god”), it’s pretty plausible that the archons themselves are the ones in charge of giving out visions. it’s like a nod to the fact that that specific archon and person see things the same way.
anyway, assuming all this, i think the principles that the archons have for giving out visions is pretty interesting. during the third part of the archon quest, yae said something about the real baal/ei having actually retreated to her own plane of existence (or something) and called her a child for doing so. as far as i can remember, she did that to sort of pretend everything was okay. this also fits her (imo) skewered view of “eternity”, as something that preserves things as they are and never lets them change (or grow).
now, working our way through all the electro characters, most, if not all, fit this principle in some way. obvious ones are fischl and razor, who want to preserve what they have/had, usually in a way that other people don’t understand (referencing the quote from the story trailer “what could her people know of the eternity she seeks”). for razor, it’s his life as a wolf, even though he isn’t one, and fishl literally pretends to be a princess. keqing also fits into this as someone who, ironically, uses her vision to make her life easier even though she believes that people don’t need the gods anymore – which is also at odds with what most other people think. sara, although i don’t know much about her, seems to fit into this as well because her main goal in the story is to preserve the electro archon despite the inevitability of her vision being taken away when most other people in inazuma seem to hate her.
yae, beidou, and lisa are more difficult for me to place, but it’s still possible. yae, although she is baal’s friend and may not count – or maybe even received her vision from the previous archon with different principles – wants to help her friend despite everything she’s done. lisa, as far as i can remember, went to literally the best school anyone in teyvat could go to, but yet is still a librarian – probably because she has decided to keep doing what she actually enjoys (also there was something about sumeru just being kind of wack). for beidou, i suppose there’s the fact that she’s a pirate with a whole crew and she seems to be managing that fairly well (also there was something about her defeating some sea monster without a vision when no one else thought she’d be able to).
so, moving onto the other elements, i do think that the archons we know of so far tend to have similar principles as the people that own visions of their corresponding element.
venti, who has no obligation to remain an archon (i would assume celestia is not holding him hostage, as zhongli was easily able to step down and baal cut them off), is still dutiful to mondstadt and his friend, dvalin. jean has no obligation to work as hard as she does, but she does it anyway. xiao, although he is contract bound, probably did not need to enter that contract in the first place. something that ties these three together is that, i think, no one truly knows how much they suffer for the people they work for & therefore cannot repay them. sucrose and kazuha definitely fit into the first part of that, but i’m not sure about the second.
geo characters are very simple. the characters are all extremely dedicated to something specific (although, this is also kind of the basic requirement for a vision in general, which is where this theory kind of crumbles a bit but shhh). just one look at noelle, ningguang, albedo, zhongli, and gorou, you can see that they are all extremely dedicated to something and i probably don’t need to go into too much detail about it.
now, we haven’t met the other archons yet, but i can probably make a fairly accurate stab in the dark for most of them, especially cryo. i can’t say anything about dendro, because we don’t know anything about the archon OR characters (please mihoyo, i just wanna know)
hydro characters tend to have unwavering values/principles, since the hydro archon seems to be all about lawfulness. xingqiu is the best example of this, as he is super invested in martial arts, but also in using them justly. kokomi is “well-versed in the art of war” among other things, and she uses this skill to help the resistance. barbara perfects her talents in order to heal and to just generally please other people. mona is dedicated to the art of astrology, in a way, and refuses to sell her skills for profit – there isn’t really a way this benefits other people, but she is dedicated to learning the principles of the universe.
pyro is another simple one. characters with this vision all have a goal that they work towards in, usually, strange or difficult ways. i can’t really speak for thoma but hu tao, yanfei, yoimiya, xiangling, xinyan, klee, and bennet are all very similar (note how these characters are all very outgoing, and are dedicated to becoming the best in what they do). a clear exception is diluc, who really is not outwardly eccentric at all. then again, he did receive his vision before his father died and he probably changed a lot since then. either way, he is still dedicated to protecting mondstadt, but just not as a knight.
finally is cryo, which is a very interesting one! obviously, qiqi doesn’t really fit into this category, but i did mention earlier about how i don’t think the current cryo archon is particularly mean (after all, she is still giving out visions, as far as we are aware). i mainly got this idea from a reddit post about this same topic but i think most people would agree with it completely. eula, ayaka, ganyu, rosaria, kaeya, chongyun, and diona all have some sort of contradiction to them. eula serves the people of mondstadt by being a captain but literally everyone seems to dislike her because of her family’s history. ayaka, reading the story pieces on her character profile, is apparently not actually perfect at everything, but she just practices all the time (even if she longs to just be a child again). kaeya is a spy from khaenri’ah (is that how you spell it?) who is torn between his original goal or a nation he actually cares for. ganyu is, literally, a contradiction as she struggles to balance her human and adepti sides. rosaria is a bit vague to me, but there is some contradiction there; she works for the church, yet does not really do much of the work. chongyun is a super good exorcist who’s never seen a ghost because he has too much “yang energy” while diona is a naturally good bartender who hates the alcohol industry. those last three characters aren’t important to the main story so it feels like those reasons are stretches/just kind of stupid reasons, but it still works.
i think that, once we get to that point in a few years, we will learn that the tsaritsa also has some inner contradiction she’s battling with like the rest of these characters, and it’s almost like, by giving them a vision, she’s giving them the ability to metaphorically harden their hearts & help them with this problem.
anyway, yes i just wrote 1.7k words about literally the dumbest part of genshin impact’s lore. my takes are probably kind of dumb tho, i’d like to hear other peoples’ thoughts!
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