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wisefoxluminary · 10 months

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Black Noir x Reader

Synopsis | Black Noir spends his first night at your apartment as you settle down and watch a film together. But a particular film brings back traumatising memories for Noir.

Warnings: Panic attacks, PTSD, mentions of abuse and trauma, use of the f word, bloody descriptions/images, love confessions, first kisses

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Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there

With open arms and open eyes, yeah

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there

I'll be there, yeah

- Drive by Incubus

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Noir had accepted your humble offer to move in with you and you couldn't be more happier. You had always been living alone ever since the tragedy that took your dog, wallowing in your own misery as you wondering what being in someone's company would feel like. Being under the watchful eye of Black Noir was probably the most blessed you had ever been. Underneath the mask, he was human. He understood you with absolute clarity and was always there to fill your heart with joy. As a superhero, Noir was depraved of normalcy and he longed to be loved, to indulge in the innocence he had long since buried working with the seven. Now that he was with you, that darkness he cast himself into was slowly fading away and his true self was coming to the light. He may have been hidden in a shell his whole life, but the feeling of love was swelling at his heart. He protected you fiercely and gave you warmth when the emptiness of your sorrow tried to take you away. Noir would always be there for you, no matter how grey the clouds would get, he would be there for you. Moving in with you would give Noir something he never thought he could feel again - happiness.

You opened your apartment door to find Noir standing there, holding up a message that read my home is with you in bold, messy letters. He didn't come with much of his belongings. He was carrying a vought bag with food, plushes and a toothbrush. He looked like he had been running for miles to you by how tired he sounded with husky breath.

"Noir, you came!" You said joyfully, slowly coming to terms with the fact you was going to share an apartment with a supe. It was all too surprising to process. You hugged Noir with tender arms, expressing your bubbling excitement as you helped him carry his belongings into the apartment, which weighed less heavy than you expected. He gave you a box of chocolates and a thank you card as a way of showing his gratitude about letting you stay here as it was a sweet gesture that warmed your heart in ways you didn't expect. Now that your connection had been formed, you just knew your time staying with him would bring many happy memories you would savour.

The gifts had been parted, as you gave Noir a quick tour of your apartment and where he would be sleeping for the majority of his stay. Your apartment was quite small but it gave you the necessities you needed - a kitchen, a bathroom, one bedroom. It was enough for you and your loneliness, but you did your best to make it into a place where Noir felt at home. "This here is the kitchen, and then down the hall you have a bathroom and my bedroom. I know it's small in size but I set up an air mattress in my room to sleep in if you feel comfortable." You opened the door and took Noir into your bedroom, the same place where he showered you with bed and breakfast as you showed the air mattress he would be sleeping in during his courteous stay. Noir looked down at the mattress curiously, fascinating by how homely and safe your apartment felt. He bent down to the mattress's level and traced his gloved hand through the bedding, bringing him comfort and solitary as he just knew he had made the best decision ever. He got to his feet again as he began to write a message as you waited patiently, fearful he'd berate you for how the apartment looked.

Thank you. It's perfect

Once Noir had gotten all of his belongings organised, you took him into the living room to settle down for a bit. He sat on your porcelain blue sofa, posture stern as he looked around the house with piped interest. You went into the kitchen to get you and Noir both something to drink. You couldn't believe your luck to be honest. You had one of the seven's finest heroes in your home and you couldn't but feel more drawn towards him. Maybe it was the gentle, kind way he treated you or the way he brought safety whenever his presence is near. You just knew you would safe under his blinding gaze, that nothing would ever come between you and Noir. You watched from the kitchen as he tried to keep him relaxed, taking notice to her quiet apartment. There was a small living room with a perched window that looked onto the cityscape, book shelves towering over the four walls, with plenty of ornaments and DVDs. What caught his attention the most was the mantlepiece as it had photos of you and your family, all smiles and happy together. He looked at the photos like he longed for a family of his own, a sad glint in his eye. He saw a picture of Felix you had put in the centre of the mantlepiece as a memorial for the dog as Noir felt his heart twinge with guilt at the sight, wishing he had saved the canine from such a cruel yet undeserving fate. He kept darting his head around your living room, lost in the many details of your house. You could see Noir from where you were in the kitchen, taking notice of how new all of this would seem for him, of how he longed for a comforting home of his own. It was like he was talking to someone, moving his head intently like he was in a conversation inside his head. This was the start of something good for Noir and you wanted to give him a place where he felt loved.

You came into the living room, interrupting his train of thought as you wanted to ask him something. "Are you a Diet Coke or Dr. Pepper kind of guy? You asked as Noir was sort of taken aback by the question, staring at the bottles in your hand blankly. He nodded his head towards the Dr. Pepper can in your left hand as you spun the bottle in your hand like it was a shiny new toy. "Dr. Pepper, it is!" You gloated, trying to hide the awkwardness in your voice as you went to give Noir the bottle but he stopped you with a written note.

Can I have a straw please?

"Yes, of course!" You said as you opened the bottle, putting the straw in like Noir asked. You wondered how he would be able to drink with that mask on, but you were sure he'd find a way. You gave Noir his Dr. Pepper as you took the Diet Coke. He slurped on the straw like a child having his first milkshake as you could see the outline of his mouth as he drank it through his mask. You watched in morbid fascination as you drank your own, wondering how the hell he survives with that mask on 24/7.

"So...uh do you wanna watch a movie. I figure since this is your first day staying with me, I thought we'd have a bit of fun." You said, trying to lighten Noir's spirits. He seems intrigued by the idea.

"I love fun" he wrote enthusiastically.

You smiled at his statement as you traced your finger through the shelf of DVDs. You loved movies as you were always an avid collector when you were a kid. It seemed like the perfect time to share the magic with Noir.

"What's your favourite genre action or comedy?"

Noir stared at the long display of DVDs, trying to make out which ones were which. He turned back, note in hand.

I like both. Best when blended together.

You let out a loud gasp at those words, shocked that Noir loved the same genre as you - action comedies. "No way! You love action comedies too! I pratically grew up on them" You explained, excited that Noir was interested in the same things as well. You eventually settled on one of your favourite movies, as it had been a source of laughter and nostalgia all your life. You just knew Black Noir would like it.

"I just found one of the best action comedies ever! You're gonna love this Noir, it is truly amazing!" You scoffed, singing your praises about the film as you kept it close to your chest, too afraid to spoil the suprise. Noir relaxed into the sofa as he waited eagerly for it to start. You placed the disc into the DVD player cautiously as you sat beside Noir, not much distance between the both of you as your shoulders were touching Noir's. You tried to hold back your flustered feelings as you were about to press play.

What movie is it?

"I can assure you Noir, it's a classic!"

You pressed the play on the DVD as the screen came to life, a Detroit city skyline as the title Beverly Hills Cop appeared on screen. Noir felt his heart beat heavily, almost crushing his chest with fear as he realised the film he was watching. It was a film that brought back painful memories for Noir, of a past he would rather forget as he sat there silently, trying to bury the wracking nerves he felt as The Heat is On blared in his ears. His breath was becoming shaky and his fingers were twiddling together in clasped hands. His past was coming back to haunt him, staring wordlessly at the screen as he tried to hide his fear from you, looking at your smile for a source of comfort. You were singing along to the opening credits, telling him what the film was about and how awesome Eddie Murphy was in the role, and of the many trivia that came with it. Noir was trying to listen to your rambling and watch the film with great interest but his fear was holding him back. He was lost in the pitiless darkness of his thoughts, remembering everything he lost to Soldier Boy, how he brought him nothing but pain. He could have gotten that part if it wasn't for him. His life wouldn't have been so fucked up if it wasn't for what he did to him.

Noir remembered his days in Payback, of how he thought being placed in this team by Vought would bring him the respect and recognition he always wanted. He wanted to be a hero that could inspire others, to represent his community who needed someone to look up to. He wanted to be a movie star. The only thing that held him back was his mask. It hid his true self from others and represented a person he wasn't. Vought wanted him to be the mysterious masked hero they could benefit merchandise from. Noir knew that wasn't who he wanted to be, no matter how much glory being a member of Payback brought him. He thought this audition to be Axel Foley in Beverly Hills Cop would be his big break, the fame he had so desperately seeking. But Soldier Boy ruined his chances by telling the producers lies about him, and as a result, he lost the role to Eddie Murphy. He was angry that day as he felt deprived of the success he wanted. But instead of an apology, Soldier Boy gave him a bloody beating. His rage reduced him to a crimson pulp. He was too weak to stand up to the cruel bastard. He was left a helpless but scared little boy with no one to turn to. He suffered abuse at his hand and he couldn't escape from it. Every threat that spilled out of his tongue stabbed at Noir's heart like a knife, every beating left him more broken and hopeless than he ever was before. Noir saw the dark side of Soldier Boy that day. He didn't want anyone to steal his spotlight and would do anything to keep them below them, even keeping them on the ground if it meant they wouldn't stand up against him. Soldier Boy hated anyone who was below him and he would do anything to make them feel small. He kept them down just so he could keep flying.

You think you can be me? You're not a movie star, you're not shit. I see you getting out of line again, trying to move on up. I will put you on the fucking ground. Understood?

By then, Black Noir had enough. He could see the fear of god and hatred in his teammates' faces as Soldier Boy inflicted his cruelty and wrath onto him. He just wanted his pain to be over. He wanted the supe who caused him so much suffering to be gone. So when the mission in Nicaragua came around, he just knew the time was now for them to get rid of him. He and the rest of Payback agreed to Stan Edgar's offer to betray Soldier Boy to the Russians. They told him to conceal his face, but Noir was tired of following orders. He showed his face in spite of Soldier Boy but it was a mistake that costed him dearly. He got his brain burned off by Soldier Boy's blind rage and he was left a man broken beyond repair, a man scarred for life. A man who stood up to his abuser and got himself more hurt in the process. He was no longer Earving, the boy who just wanted to be loved and remembered by the rest of the world, he was Black Noir, an intimidating force of the nature, the man Vought always wanted him to be - dark, mysterious, his soul taken from him. He was forced to wear a mask he hated all because he got his face taken from him. His Payback teammates turned their backs on him because they couldn't stand to look at the man he became. He clung on to his childhood fantasies as a way of keeping the last of his innocence, relying on Buster Beaver and his friends to keep him company. They were the only friends he ever had, and the more he got swept into Vought's antics, he became a more darker version of himself. Joining The Seven was a last resort for Noir as he had to stay quiet and unassuming for others to appreciate his skill. Homelander wasn't like Soldier Boy, he didn't inflict hurt onto him like he did. He admired his willingness to get the job done and considered him a person he could count on.

Noir had no one to talk to, he had lost the ability to speak all those years ago so he could only rely on Buster's voice of reason to get him through the day. That all changed when you came into his life, you understood him better than anyone and saw him for the person he was - an innocent soul who cared about others. Everyday, he just lived in fear knowing Soldier Boy would return and come after him. He was scared of dying at his hand. Scared of dying afraid and without any love.

The intense flashbacks ended in Noir's head as the next moment, he was watching Axel clinging to the side of a truck as police cars were after him. You were happy and too mesmerised in the film to notice Noir's pain as Noir could feel his heart pounding, his vision slowly blurring inside his mask as he was having a panic attack, spurred by his greatest fears. He clutched at his chest, fingers trembling as he tried to keep his racing heart from leaping out of his body. He was struggling to breath, air coming shaky and hoarse from his lungs as he was on the verge of blacking out. He tried to beg for help but his vocal cords were sealed shut, damaged after years of great pain. His body was consumed in paralysing fear and he couldn't break out of the curse. You could hear weak, palpitating breathes as Noir was in great distress

"Noir, is everything okay? Noir, can you hear me?! Noir, what's wrong!?"" You were panicking to see Noir in such an awful state as he was struggling to breath, frail hands clutching onto his still chest. You paused the movie as you tried to calm him down. Whatever was happening to him, it was showing signs of a panic attack. You had them after Felix died, scared of ending up alone as you were planting yourself into further darkness and despair. You saw the pain in his stung expression, unable to escape as his body was frozen in fear. You held onto his shoulders, making sure he was in a comfortable state as you tried to snap him out of it. Nothing would work as you couldn't help but watch Noir suffer with tears in your eyes.

It was scary to watch him spiral like this, to watch the panic take over as his throat was growing hoarse with each raspy breath, his gloved hands wet with sweat. "Fuck....fuck...fuck...everything's gonna be okay, Noir. Just breath, okay" you said calmly, trying to quell his nerves as your heart was throbbing in your chest. Noir could feel tears form in his eyes, bile rising in his throat as he was losing breath rapidly. He held onto you tightly like the only lifeline he needed. You hugged him like a mother would to a crying child. Noir was in a panic that Soldier Boy would get him and his mind was spiralling, fear and agony clouding his thoughts.

"I'm gonna need you to listen to me Noir, okay? I want you to put one hand on your stomach and one hand on your chest, can you do that for me?" You pleaded as Noir stiffly nodded, carefully putting one hand on his chest, another on his belly as he began to let out slow, gnawing breathes. "Okay, and then breathe through your noise. Nice and small for me, okay?" Noir began to take a slow, deep breath out of his nose as it exhaled it out of his mouth. He kept on doing it, trying to retain as much calmness as possible. You were rubbing circles gently onto his back, trying to keep him calm the best way you could. "Just keep breathing for me. In and out. Okay? In and out..."

Noir kept breathing, allowing all of the fear and negativity to go away as his breathes became less frantic and more calm, as the sight of your reassuring, warm gaze and sweet voice was enough to bring back to your reality. He could feel your soothing touch, riveting him away from the panic threatening to swallow him whole. You took deep breathes, glad to see that Noir was out of the darkness as your eyes were slowly welling with tears, trying to fight back the urge to cry. You had never known a supe to be vulnerable in front of you, even Black Noir for that matter. It was scary to see him panic like that and you didn't want to lose him again.

"I thought I'd lost you....don't ever do that again, okay....you scared me..."

Noir reached over for his pad and began to write a frantic message to you.

I'm sorry

"It's okay, you have nothing to be sorry for. But why....what caused it...?" You asked, using your words carefully. You understood a panic attack when you saw. Noir had a past, memories that were hurting him. Maybe if they talked about it together, it would hurt less. Black Noir sat there for a moment, trying to regulate his breathing as he began to write intently. It was just you and him, it was okay to open his heart now rather than keep it all bottled up.

I was a member of Payback

"Payback. Like the superhero team from the 1980s? I learned about Soldier Boy in history class."

Think again. Soldier Boy is bad.

"In what way was he bad?"

I auditioned for Axel Foley

"Really!? That's so cool...why didn't you get it?"

Soldier Boy intervened. Eddie Murphy got the part instead.

"So what did you do?"

I got angry at him for it. He beat me.

You felt your heart break for him, a unsteady gulp escaping from your throat. You had an idea where this was going.

He beat me again and again. I couldn't take it anymore so I made a plan with Vought to get rid of him. Payback hated him as much as I did.

"He sounds like a real jackass..." You said through gritted teeth, heavy revelations hitting you. So Soldier Boy wasn't the self-sacrificing, noble hero everyone thought he was. He never died to save the world from a nuclear meltdown. In reality, he treated people like shit on his shoe.

He was. The plan was to sell him to the Russians. It worked but I lost my face to Soldier Boy. Can't speak because of him. I am scarred. I wear this mask to hide it.

Black Noir kept writing, his hand moving at a fast pace as he tried to get all of his feelings down on one page. You sat there patiently, putting your trust and faith in Noir.

I am scared Soldier Boy will come back and kill me. He will go after you. I can't lose you. I am scared of dying alone. Without you.

You took Noir's hand, squeezing it tightly as you tried to take his mind away from his fears.

"Don't worry about him, he will never find you! I won't let him. Even if he comes back, nothing will come between us. I will make sure of that."

Noir stared into your eyes for a moment, relieved to have someone like you by his side. Someone who understood him. As for you, you couldn't help but wonder what he looked like under the mask. You couldn't imagine how the pain Soldier Boy caused him must of felt as you wanted to protect him in whatever she could.

"Can I....can I see your face?" You asked, fearful of being rejected as Noir gazed into your eyes, contemplating this decision. He nodded slowly like he was scared.

"It's okay. I won't hurt you or judge you." You quietly assured him as you placed each hand on the side of his mask. You expected Noir to be hesitant to this kind of touch, but he just sat there, putting his full trust into you. You pulled the mask off his face as you were left shocked by the behold sight.

The right side of his face was heavily disfigured, charred like he had been dragged through fire. His flesh was decaying, black and red molding together. He had a pussy wart where his right eye used to be, the rest of his skin raised into burning scars. His hairline was split into three, a huge sewn stitch on the top of head like someone had been dissecting his brains. It was a tragic sight to look at. It made you feel sad that Noir had to suffer like this all his life. He had hidden all of this pain behind a mask for so many years, and you were the first person he confided to about it. It also made you feel angry that Soldier Boy would do such a thing to him. How could he wrong him in such a unforgiving way? How could men do this to each other?

"I am so sorry..." You said, bursting into tears as Noir bowed his head lowly in shame, trying to hide his scars behind his notepad.

"I'm a monster" Noir had written as you shook your head with a defying no, tears in your eyes.

"No. Don't you dare believe that bullshit, Noir! You had to suffer all your life. You don't deserve any of this. They don't deserve you." You said, showing your sympathy for Noir's scars and all the shit he's had to deal with in the past. She didn't care how many tears fell down her face until Noir understood the message. No one deserves him, not even Soldier Boy. Noir didn't deserve to be treated this way. You loved him for not just who he was, but for his beautiful scars because they made him human.

Noir took his notepad and began to write something

I love you

It was words you had been dreaming of for so long. Something you had wanted to say to Noir ever since that day he gave you bed and breakfast or the day he gave you a teddy bear out of the goodness of his heart. He cared about you with all his heart and he didn't want to lose you. You smiled at him, using your right hand to stroke his face.

"I love you too..." You whispered as you kissed him, the air around the two of you becoming tight as Noir just sat there, shocked to be treated with such tenderness as he kissed you back. Your lips were the warmth he needed for his cold soul. You gave him hope in times of despair. You accepted him when you saw his scars and learned of his dark past. He just knew in this moment of quiet intimacy and interwoven lips, that he would spend the rest of his life with you.

You eventually parted from the kiss, Noir holding you gently in his arms as he wasn't quite sure how to address the situation. "Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there okay?" You vowed, caressing his face lovingly with your hands as he nodded, staring at your soul with a unspoken, warm love. From now on, you had each other hand in hand. You needed Black Noir more than anything, but in the end, it was you he needed the most...

#the boys #black noir #black noir x reader #black noir x you #black noir is just a sweetheart #panic attacks #ptsd flashbacks

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