Night : Falling in love with it
It's easy to remember how much we love the night.
A simple evening stroll,
After a long time cooped up at home
Then raise your head
Look up at the sky
Revisit that black expanse studded with points of light
Hearing the typical sound of this calm period
Caught between fear and reverence
A moment as intriguing as ever
The transformation of urban and rural landscapes,
Only reinforces the love we feel for her
The reverberations of the surrounding light take a strange turn
And each poet finds his own inspiration
The exacerbation of feelings and sensations felt
Makes the night more addictive than any drug
One night out is enough to remind us
And rekindle our love for her
& for others simply to fall in love with it
© Givre Encres
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please text me back - an original poem about my bpd and experiencing having a favourite person
i’m so sorry to any person who i have ever found myself attached to.
i apologise for burdening you with my affection.
being loved by me must be exhausting.
but i hope you know that it’s just as exhausting if not more actually being me.
let me quickly explain every thought going through my head over the course of any conversation we have ever had through dms.
the second i wake up i text you it takes me 5 minutes to decide how to word it.
good morning,
exclamation mark!
no to open you might not feel the need to respond.
good morning how are you smiley face.
get rid of the smiley face
you may be sad or mad and the happy nature might make it worse
maybe i shouldn’t say good morning just morning.
okay
morning how are you
do i add a question mark or does that seem too formal?
i’m just going to send it.
it takes you 3 minutes to open the message
i know because i say moving my eye from the dm to the time at the top of my phone until i watched the delivered turn to seen.
it takes you 14 seconds exactly to type out your response
i counted them.
“hi i’m good.”
you didn’t ask how i was back.
i’m now wondering if you care about me at all.
you don’t do you?
you hate me don’t you?
if you despise me just tell me!
if you are annoyed i messaged you could just say that!
you only replied out of obligation and we both know it!
fine!
whatever!
it was stupid anyway!
you’re stupid anyway!
i don’t care anyway!
“hbu”
oh.
okay.
it’s fine.
im fine.
we’re fine.
still you only typed out 3 letters not the full sentence.
you put as little energy as you possibly could into acknowledging my existence but i’m choosing to ignore that.
i reply with
i’m good thank you do you have any plans for today.
it takes you half an hour to see the message and you tell me you have work.
i see the notification but i don’t open it i don’t want to seem to eger.
instead i set a timer for 60 minutes then i can message you back.
oh cool
exclamation point
i hope you have a good shift
heart emoji
how long is it going to be
question mark
also sorry i didn’t respond until now i hadn’t seen the message.
it’s now been an hour of me checking my phone every 2 minutes just incase i missed your message.
but you didn’t reply.
you didn’t even open it.
because you hate me…
you despise me.
you are actively trying to find ways to cut me out your life!
well fine i can make it easier!
i could block you right now so you don’t have too i’m sure you would just love that!
or better yet i could die right now so you never have to say another word to me and you never run the risk of pumping into me in the street when we both know you hate me so much!
and maybe it would make you respond quicker if you knew this is what i was thinking right now!
you might even feel guilty for how much you cant stand to be around me!
but equally i then wouldn’t be able to see your response if you did then reply.
so i guess maybe i shouldn’t.
and it occurs to me only then that maybe i was being a little bit silly.
maybe that was semi irrational.
maybe i have somewhat lost my mind.
but i don’t have time to think of that while i’m still counting the minutes it takes for you to open my fucking message like i’m meant to be counting my breaths.
when you reply it’s 8 hours later,
and i am emotionally drained from repeating that last step several times over.
“Hey, just got back from work.
I’m Ok.”
that was it.
that was all that i had drove myself crazy to receive.
you didn’t even ask how i was.
and i don’t get why you just don’t care.
and on the inside i’m going insane.
i am filled with anger but i don’t want to scare you away so instead i type out
hey i missed you,
exclamation mark!
i hope you had a good day
smiley face emoji,
back track
i hope you are had an amazing day!
also not to sound annoying but i noticed in your last message you put ok instead of okay also you capitalised the o normally you only use lower case are we still cool?
tears are streaming down my face and you don’t know that.
my breathing is uneven and you are unaware of that
so when you reply with
“my day was good thank you.
also obviously we’re still cool why wouldn’t we be
laughing face emoji”
i once again notice you still haven’t asked me about my day.
and now you are laughing at my insecurity while i have been crying for hours.
but im too tired to fight so if you say we’re fine im sure we are.
so i just say
sorry it doesn’t matter just had a bad day is all i was probably just reading into things you know how i can be.
it takes you 30 seconds to see it.
and it takes you a minute to reply.
i counted.
stop apologising we have been over this it’s getting really annoying constantly having to give you so much reassurance sometimes being around you is just so draining.
this time i don’t reply.
i just sit and sob.
because yeah it is so fucking draining.
and i already know that
and i don’t ever get to take a break.
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Something in me knew upon your arrival
I want you and your spirals
within the revival of something undeniable
my heartbeat breathing in your eyes
finding, finally, a melody to place on dormant strings
your being is ethereal grace to which I cling
dancing on and connecting old wires with an artful charm
it sends me running through valleys and miles to be in your arms
it sends me into clouds, where in the garden of my mind a new world unfurls
Weaving a tapestry of wonder and sweet escapade
Starring my cover girl, the constellation of my affections and timeless perfection
Pictures and holy scriptures I pray to make and never let fade
Our was genesis written by a bar, and I knew you'd be worth healing my scars
I'll get sober on drinking you in
vines tangled over green sheets
We can dissolve into where passion and bodies meet
strawberries dipped into the sun itself
a relationship that tastes of summer itself, ripe and golden
I want late night mmms because you're too tired to say more
I want the late nights under the moon, breaking into each other
I'll hold you in very conflict and comedown
When you're tired of fighting, I'll be your anchor secured
I'll burn endless moonlit skies to carry you through strife
Never forgetting how we collided outside a bar's glow
Accidently meeting the girl I wish to love through life's every fold and always know
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My Little Flame
I do fear your flame will be stomped or mained
lantern’s light will shine too bright and will burn
Wax ‘till my little flame is burnt and strained
Oh! My light my flame for which I do yearn
I fear your face for reverence sake and more
So I take it only in mirror’s glance
‘Cause to disgrace your face with a look or
Weak glance from me is a crime to not chance
You soul shines bright like candle light in the night
But even then wax will singe and burn out
God lost an angel’s face which won’t lose light
Even if lost, your face is beauty’s spout
My goddess which I silently worship
You are the peak of my connoisseurship.
(this is a sonnet structure but I'm too lazy to care about the iambic pentameter. I guess I should write Italian instead of English sonnets)
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What happened to me?
I used to be sweet, so sweet I left behind the scent of honey and radiated happiness.
So kind and funny too. I used to have a light in my eyes, “wow, your eyes are so sparkly right now!” I used to get so many compliments on being bright eyed.
On being curious and dreamlike. I used to run away barefoot and dance with fireflies in the honeysuckle scented night under the mulberry tree.
The trees were my friends, along with the lily patches in the yard, I used to lay beside and watch the clouds in the brightest bluest sky.
I used to run with my dogs through piles of leaves and spin in the snow.
I used to have blanket forts and books filled with kind princesses and princes.
I used to be made of daisies and willow branches.
Now I feel like my throat is burnt and I’m rotting like forgotten fruit.
What happened to me?
~ A. Nicole. M
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