i really do think that the most interesting way for rouxls to become a serious character is for him to keep his incompetence. like. as in he may have weird ass powers but he doesn't really know how to fully use them or even be fully aware of their full extent. i just CANNOT see him as someone with some huge overarching plan- he couldn't even be assed to come up with a real plan with what would happen after he played the houses game against ralsei and kris. he's just. not some sort of mastermind. at least, if he by some miracle he does turn out to actually be, i'll honestly be really disappointed because i feel like this angle is just so much more interesting. hell, you could even tie that in to his desire to serve- just because he may not know how to take advantage of those powers doesn't mean someone else won't, and i feel like the idea of him following along with someone else's plan fits a lot better with what we know about his character. i just really dislike the idea of "rouxls is the knight/gaster/deltarune version of sans" because it all just feels like it's trying to twist his character into some genius with a larger plan when i really just. love his character for being a fucking idiot. yknow.

König x Petite Reader Headcanons

Warnings: Non-Explicit Implications of Sexual Content, Petite Reader, Size Kink, Jealous König, Insecure König, Implied 141 x Reader, Petnames, No Pronouns used for Reader except ‘You’.

A/N: Forgot that I'd already written this once before, so here we are with more König x Petite Reader Headcanons ! Just see this as some extra content for our beloved König and his smol s/o <3

When it comes to you, this man is F E R A L

Genuinely cannot believe how perfect you are.

Constantly jokes about how he could fit you in the palm of his hand.

And once, to shut him up, you proved him right by sitting on his open hand when he wasn’t expecting it and gave him a smug look.

“There,” you said, folding your arms over your chest. “You can fit me in your palm.”

König tried not to think of how close he was to your special parts, how warm you felt on him.

He had to disappear to the bathroom for a few minutes afterwards, and when he returned, his face was flushed and he could barely look you in the eye.

He’s never been the same after that. Any trace of a size kink he had before has been amplified to such an extent that he’s taken to hiding your clothes so you’ll have to wear his.

And he just can’t keep his hands off you whenever you do.

“My my, Engel,” he says, one hand sliding around your waist and pulling you closer to him, the other drawing the hem of his shirt further and further up your thighs.

“What could you be hiding under here ?”

Calls you his Mini Maus.

“Because you’re just so tiny and precious !” he gushes.

And since you’re so small compared to him, he treats you as if you’re fragile, like an endangered species of flower.

Concerning intimacy at the beginning of your relationship, König was concerned that he was too big for you.

But, when you put his mind at ease (and challenge him) – “I bet I can take you, Köni~” – you’re in for it.

König’s fighting spirit won’t let you off easy.

When he’s feeling more dominant, he bunches your wrists into one of his hands while he sits on top of you, his other hand slipping beneath your (his) shirt and slithering round the band of your underwear.

“Pretty little thing,” he says, a dangerous smile at his lips. “All weak and defenseless.” He leans down, his eyes dark and wild. “Just for me.”

If you try to struggle (consensually), he’ll smack you through your underwear. And not gently, either.

“Don’t test me, Mini,” he says, his grip about your wrists tightening. “You don’t know what I’m like when I’m angry.”

He loooooves fitting his hands around your waist.

Especially when he finds that his hands wrap around your middle and his fingers touch.

Size kink: upgraded.

He gets lowkey jealous if you ask someone else to reach something for you.

Will sulk about it.

“I just don’t see why you had to ask Ghost to get it for you,” he’ll say, frowning as he lies in bed.

You sigh, putting your book down.

“König, you weren’t even here !” you say. “And I was starving !”

König knows he’s being unreasonable, but he can’t help but feel like he can be easily replaced.

Especially when he knows the rest of the 141 would gladly drop everything to be with you.

He’s not stupid, he’s seen the way they look at you.

A few minutes alone together and a kind word – “You’re so perfect, Köni~ My big, big boy,” – will set him straight.

Loves showing you off to his friends. His acquaintances aren’t safe, either.

He’ll stand you before him and show you off to his associates like: ”Look, this is my partner ! Aren’t they beautiful ?!”

So help him god if anyone tries to show you up or disagree.

You’ll never see them again.

And neither will anyone else.

König loves you more than life itself, and regardless of his insecurities or your unwavering ability to have anyone you could ever want, he’s glad you chose him <3

Reblog for more content like this! It helps creators like myself tremendously and it is greatly appreciated :-)

Masterlist Masterlist [Continued] Masterpost Modern Warfare AI Masterlist

AO3 Wattpad

OKAY BUT! THAT SCENE WHERE GUSTAV GIVES MOLLY THE NAME MOLLYMAUK!! The way he tells him that it's ultimately his choice, and that he can change his name whenever he likes if it doesn't fit. Molly being very touched by the sentiment, but accepting it with the acknowledgement that, "I think...I could wear that name for a while."

It's new and exciting, a name all his own, and a gift from Gustav. Of course he adores it. But he also implies that he might well change it someday. Like how tieflings choose their own virtue names. And honestly, when King decides to go by Kingsley, it does remind me of Jester's own experience:

Jester: “Well, I thought [Jester] sounded cool. I thought jesters were people that made people laugh...[my mother] did [name me], but she told me I get to choose my own name.”

Caduceus: “I don’t think tieflings--do tieflings get--there’s a thing, for--”

Caleb: “What did your mother call you, before Jester?”

Jester: “Genevieve...I like Jester, okay? Jester. Jeez.” 

Artagan: “It’s a much better name.” 

Beau: “Can I call you Genny?”

Jester: “No, you can call me Jester.” 

The implication that Mollymauk makes him happy and suits him just fine now in the moment, but he's also making it clear that he intends to find a new name somewhere along the way, after he's had some time to grow and change. It feels very reminiscent of Moonweaver Oracle Decks--constantly rotating out different cards, adding new ones and discarding the old over time--remaining fluid and ever changing in the moment, open to self-exploration and continuous reinvention.

"Each deck of Moon Oracle cards are different, as each deck evolves with the owner. When a card is weathered or simply no longer speaks to you, replace it with a new card of your own design. Something personal and true. Trust yourself; what is true for you will ring true for others. Some choose to change a card each Lunar cycle. Some decks magically destroy a card when it is replaced with a new one--such decadence!"

Whenever he looks for a new start in life, as both Molly and Kingsley, he's still embodying the same core values of the Moonweaver. Like how he intrinsically still knows the names of his treasured oracle cards even a lifetime later, "Love, Magician--" For everything that changes, there's still so much about him that stays the same.

I mean, when Jester wakes King up, not only was he having "the nicest dream" about the circus, he also kept asking for Lestera. Which in hindsight is just heartbreaking, but--King definitely experiences the same pull to all his loved ones he knew as Molly. His feelings for them are still the same. "I get...feelings from you. All of you..."

Even Molly's "choir practice" reminds me of King. Mollymauk being so protective and compassionate at his core, admitting softly, "I know what the others think, but the truth is...how do I put this...the world is harsh and cruel, and I don't seem to be able to just walk on by. You see a wrong? You fix it."

It's Molly swearing under Zone of Truth, “I’ll tell you--and this is true--I did my best every town I went to and every town I left, no matter how they treated me. And a lot of them treated me with deep disrespect...I left every town better than I found it.” It's King confessing to Beau and Yasha:

"Well, I've been thinking about it, and I've been trying to figure out where the other two went wrong...what was something that either of you didn't like or was a problem with Molly? I know more about Lucien at this point...But I'm trying to make new mistakes, I promise."

"I've realized, at the beginning, that I was running from everything that had happened before, and that's something that the other two had done and so it was probably something I didn't want to do again, which is why I'm asking..."

"It'd be better to...If you think of them as parents--I've been told that the best thing you can do is do just slightly better than them. And that's...Honest to the gods, that is actually what I'm trying to do. I don't necessarily know what it's going to look like. I have thoughts. Some that I think that either one of them might approve of, that you might approve of, and I want to make sure that you know that if nothing but out of respect for my family, for my parents, we always have a fair deal."

"I try and be a good person, or whatever I think that is. I take care of the crew, I work hard. As you're working with somebody, for someone, you take care of them. But you know, sometimes that means you have to get a little violent, make some unfortunate decisions. But I think you know that." 

Just...King still having the same heart he did as Molly, still wanting to be good and take care of his people--telling his family, "I try and be a good person, or whatever I think that is." Just like when Caleb asked Molly in the Zone of Truth, "Are you a good guy?" And he says sincerely, "I like to think so."

I also can't stop thinking of Molly saying to Yasha, "If you're going to run away, why not do it in style?" Because Molly is running away too--likes the circus in part because it was always safer to stay on the move. "A lot of this is in the hopes that maybe this would never happen. Keep moving, keep quiet." Sounds an awful lot like when Matt revealed King still suffers nightmares from Cognouza, and Taliesin suggests, "Perhaps those chains will find some quiet in piracy."

Ships are always moving, a chance to make a quick exit whenever he needs to--an escape. Molly desperate to keep all the haunting echoes of Lucien at bay. And then as King, feeling a bit uncomfortable and distant as he tries to reconcile himself with a past. Hesitantly asking questions about his life as Molly. Holding onto a journal of all the Nein's adventures to finally read when he's ready--not now, but. When he's finally able to face the past and make peace with that.

And, like with the circus, he's found the exact kind of escape he craves. Throwing himself into a life of piracy because it's just as adventurous and romantic as all the brilliant color and exciting thrills of the circus, another chance to put on a grand performance.

Taliesin: "Kingsley really latched onto the pirate life, and that's what happened with any of the other Molly's and Nonagon's--they imprint really hard on whatever's there that looks romantic and fun! It's romance, fun, and I have an audience."

And really, is parading around as the Plank King so different from playing at royalty? Because the more I read of the comic, the more convinced I was that Molly's portrayal of the kind, just Duke beloved by his people is the exact same role he plays as Plank King.

There's just so many little moments to me that imply Kingsley is still the same soul shard as Molly. (And if we go by the novel's ending, then it's not just Molly, but Mollymauk's soul and Lucien's, embracing a new life hand in hand.) Mollymauk deciding to start over with a new start and the chance to make new memories, ready to choose a new name to "wear" for a time.

Finally, I can't get over Molly's parting words to the town he charmed. "I promise that once I sever my ties to the empire, I will return in gratitude. And I'll return myself. No heralds for such hospitality." I just can't help thinking of...King telling the Nein, “Not now, but in the future, I'd like to hear about your friend. Later, once I--once I know me better." Yasha telling him, "I would love that...it's nice to have you back," and King's warm, "It's nice to be back."

Yasha: "You know what I mean."

Kingsley: "I do--"

Because he does know. Because part of him knows he'll always be their Circus Man, even if he's not ready to reckon with what that means. "Thank you, I--I'm looking forward to the future, and I hope I deserve to have woken up surrounded by such people...Thank you all, really, for my life. But I figure I better get to using it..." "After a few years, finally reads that book, and goes to visit and learn."

Thinking of one day when King feels comfortable enough to drop his mantle of the Plank King and appear before the Nein as just Tealeaf. Just himself--

Hi if it's okay to request childhood bestfriend into lovers to riddle? i just really like to imagine it hehe sorry for bad english...

Riddle Rosehearts:

You had been there since the beginning. Your influence was certainly one Riddle’s mom scorned, even moreso than Trey who fed her son delicious but sugary baked treats. You inspired something else in Riddle, a little more rebellion, though your influence was clearly squashed by the time you reached your NRC years. You stayed friends, however, with Riddle trying to bring a little more structure to your daily life while you tried to bring more fun into his.

You were as surprised as anyone else seeing him Overblot, scared but heartbroken for him. Seeing the clear pain that he was in afterward also didn’t sit right with you; Trey had to stop you from making the rash decision of throwing hands with a grown woman over the treatment of her son but saying it wouldn’t make matters with Riddle much better. You felt protective over him suddenly, even though it might not be your place to say something on his behalf.

Romantic love isn’t really something you speak about, or even realize you feel, until your 3rd year. It’s not like the feelings hadn’t been there all along but you had felt quite comfortable in your relationship with him, to the point that any potential changes to your dynamic set off some alarm bells in your head. It made you a little nervous to start seeing Riddle in a different light, and there were some sleepless nights where you questioned how he saw you. You had noticed he avoided your touch now, that any casual hugs you initiated were rebuffed, but the meaning behind them could be anything. You respected his space and then there were no other complaints.

Riddle has to be the one to make the first move. Trey had told him as such, quite directly, as Riddle himself had rebuffed most of your advances. Not conscious ones, of course, but when you had asked to be his partner at an upcoming event he had turned you down due to his own ‘busy schedule’ and also because he thought you should go with someone you actually wanted to date. Trey’s implication that you had asked him with purpose left Riddle flustered and looking back on all your past interactions, wondering if you had been trying to send him subtle signs that he hadn’t acknowledged and now…

It’s closer to the end of your 3rd year that you and Riddle finally have a serious talk about your relationship. You were discussing your futures with sparkling eyes, the smile on your face not wavering even as you came to terms with the reality you might be parting for good; you had always wanted success for him and knowing he was going to stay out of his house, that he would be traveling to expand his knowledge, brought you great joy. Friends from a distance was obviously manageable, but your feelings for him had only grown over the months, especially when you tried to ignore them. You couldn’t imagine not seeing him every day, not talking to him every day, not helping him study or hearing about some Queen of Hearts rule you’d never heard of in your life.

If Riddle wasn’t such a serious person you would wonder if you were just being punked with his confession, but there are other feelings coursing through you. Your heart felt like it might explode if you looked at him too long, the blush that matched the shade of his hair perfectly taking over his face. You don’t think you’re doing much better but it’s at least mutual embarrassment, your hand reaching out for his as you silently lace your fingers with his, feeling his tight squeeze of approval in return. Now, the two of you could plan for a bright future spent together, closer than ever.  

if you still do TF2/Team Fortress 2, can you make a contitutation of you medic x angel! reader fic where he kidnaps them?? i love that fic sm and thank you!! if you do it :3

I just ended up doing a little weird poetic concept for the aftermath, I hope you like it. It wasn't really meant to have a continuation.

Fic this continues here I think

Yandere! BLU Medic with Angel! Darling Continuation

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Worship yandere, Mentions of the Christian religion, Sinning/Vague implications of intimacy through wording, Manipulation, Descent into madness on Darling's part, Darling gives up on humanity, Probably could be seen as a metaphor, Mature Themes, Forced relationship.

Ah yes, the tale of a mortal man on the verge of death only to be saved by one of God's divine messengers.

However the tale ends in the mortal man stealing away the beautiful wings of the angel in order to keep them with him.

He couldn't possibly allow his divine savior to leave, could he?

After all, you saved his life….

Was he meant to just let you go?

You, the poor angel in question, didn't judge the BLU Medic's character right.

Sure, he is no sadist like his RED counterpart…

But he is selfish, selfish enough to steal your purity away.

Without your wings, you're no different than him.

Are you even an angel anymore?

You've been forced into mortality…  completely at his mercy.

Yet like you nursed him back to health, he nurses you back to health.

Your “surgery” is a success…

To you it feels like mutilation.

Medic is over the moon when he claims you as his own.

He fawns over you just as he did when you had wings.

You'd think the removal of your wings would ruin your beauty in his eyes.

No… even when tarnished he still sees you as a holy being.

A being he prays will forgive him.

You're dressed in elegant clothes and your wounds are monitored.

Even now he worships you as his savior, his beautiful angel who has fallen from grace by his hands.

Medic already knows he will be unforgiven, both by you and God.

He's selfish, a man not meant to keep something so beautiful all to himself.

Yet he's done it anyway to satiate his desires.

Every hug and kiss to your skin burns.

He is a mortal man but acts like a demon.

A human enveloped by sin, one you saved.

By saving him… were you doomed from the start?

Would you have been cast out of Heaven's Gates anyways for your miscalculation?

You don't know… and why should you care about what could've been?

All that you should care about is the fact you've been grounded.

Medic's praises and touches don't feel nice.

It just feels like he's corrupting you more and more with his twisted form of love.

Medic wants a relationship he can not have.

Not after what he's done anyways.

You pitied Medic when you found him, this is how you're repaid?

Even as he cares for you, tells you he loves you, and treats you like a loved one… you're not swayed.

He's forced you to be a human, ripped from your divinity by knocking you out and stealing your wings.

What does he do afterwards?

He frames them on the wall like a trophy as he lays you both to bed.

The longer you're with him, the more you feel sin corrupt you.

Soon… you find yourself half giving into him.

You pretend to be his little spouse, his little pet…

A slave to him and his desires.

You begin to hate humanity.

Are they all little sinners?

All just waiting to pull something like you out of the sky to corrupt and lock away?

Do all of them, deep down, want to corrupt others like you for themselves? Inside and out?

God would've told you no.

But as this mortal, the one who stole you from your home after you showed mercy and kindness, covers you in corruption…

You begin to doubt God's teachings.

The thought sends you into denial, it makes you feel sick.

Yet… as you look at Medic…

As you stare into his lustful loving eyes and feel his burning comforting touch…

The thought echoes in your mind.

Medic is a sinner… and now you are too.

OK. OK OK OK.

So, yes, the importance of Vegas telling Pete during that final hospital scene that Pete isn’t his pet, he’s the most important person in Vegas’ life is obvious. But I’ve been talking to @lu-sn and @minorfamilysupremacy about some of this, and new implications and layers of that KEEP hitting me. Bear with me a minute, because I’m trying to organize my thoughts and get them down before they get away. Back here, I talked about how Vegas’s question of whether “someone else” can feed Pete isn’t theoretical, it’s really about Kinn. And then the statement in the hospital, this “you’re the most important person in my life” is, in some ways, ALSO about Kinn, and about the main family, and about Pete’s relationship to them vs. his relationship to Vegas, and about the choices Pete’s made to stay with, and then to leave, and then to stay with Vegas.

So, from the beginning, Vegas calls Pete a dog because he is a dog for the main family. That’s the level of respect and care he gets from them. He’s a working dog, so he’s kept in good shape, and he’s a loyal hound, the way dogs can be. Even as he resigns, he tells Korn that he’ll always love the main family and feel loyalty to them (and excavating how much truth is there, and how long it’ll last in the face of Korn’s inevitable machinations of Vegas is a whole other question ...). But he is unquestionably there for the service of family members, to be used as a tool however they want to use him. We see Pete serve with loyalty and equanimity and even some surface pleasure in some of his duties, but underneath it all, we finally learn - after Vegas cracks that tailored bodyguard armor open and pulls Pete apart just as surely as he pulled apart any of his torture victims, to look at his soft squishy insides, to look at his heart, to look at his soul, to see who Pete really is under the dog collar bodyguard suit and routine the main family keeps him in (kind of just a different level of the kennel bedroom Vegas keeps him in with a dog bowl to eat out of) - we learn that Pete gets no real satisfaction from any of this, that he lives his life feeling empty and useless. So empty and useless that once he has someone see him for who he really is and treat him like an actual person and then has that snatched back out of his grasp by Vegas’s trauma responses and abuse, he would rather die than continue to live that way with Vegas. He would rather kill himself than be Vegas’s dog. So what he does is knock Vegas flat and run right back to the main family to be their dog again.

Because it doesn’t hurt as much when they only treat you as a dog and a tool. When they don’t see you as an actual person, when they haven’t seen who you really are, haven’t treated you as a person and touched you with tenderness and reverence, and looked at you like you’re the entire world and fed you and fed you and fed you until you burst with it, for the first time in your life - and then put the dog collar right back on you. Being a dog for the main family is business as usual. Being a dog for Vegas, when Vegas knows the person underneath it and - Pete now thinks he wrongly presumed - cares about that person, is unendurable. It’s so much worse than being forgotten by Kinn.

I think hearing that Vegas DOES love him during the parking lot beatdown/confession scene is part of why Pete can set aside his issues with the label and role of “pet” when he eventually disavows the personal autonomy he fought Vegas so hard for, in favor of saving Vegas’s life in the poolside scene. Vegas actually does care for him in a way that the main family doesn’t, and he’s told Pete so. This is Pete’s “I love you” back to Vegas, although I’ve also talked about how I think the beatdown and the “I’m your pet” line mirror each other as self-effacing and dehumanizing expressions of love. Which then becomes part of exactly why “You’re not my pet, you’re the most important person in my life” becomes so. very. important: Because it lets us see that Vegas knows what he’s cost Pete.

Vegas is so smart. We see that again and again and again. We see it when the lightbulb goes on almost immediately when Pete tells him that the abuse Vegas endures isn’t even about him, it’s because Kun is a shitty father. We see it when he almost immediately operationalizes this knowledge and shows up the next time he’s been smacked around having already done some self-care by putting on his soft pajama pants and Pete’s metaphorical skin. (Listen, I’ve decided the navy T-shirt is actually the same T-shirt that Pete was wearing the first time he got caught sneaking around the minor family house, that it was the dark T-shirt Pete’s wearing under the orange jumpsuit the second time he got caught sneaking around the minor family house, and then given that it’s already been stripped off of him by the time Vegas shows up to see Pete tied to a pillar in Torture Dungeon Main, it’s lying around somewhere down there for Vegas to pick up like a serial killer trophy, and now he’s wearing it like a boyfriend shirt. You will not change my mind about this.)

ANYWAY. It took Pete having a complete nervous breakdown, a suicide attempt, knocking Vegas the fuck out, and running back to the main family, but Vegas finally also seems to understand what he’s done, what he’s cost Pete. He apologizes - repeatedly - and he literally puts his life in Pete’s hands, and then he leaves Pete in control of what happens from there, no matter how much it’s killing Vegas to do so. He actually prioritizes Pete’s feelings over his own, which is one reason I will go toe-to-toe with anyone who tries to tell me that Vegas isn’t actually the best character in the show, narratively speaking, with the best defined and most compelling growth arc. And so I have no problem believing that Vegas finally understands why it hurts Pete so much to be Vegas’s dog when he’s been able to endure it for the main family, but also that what Pete is getting from the main family isn’t enough anymore. Vegas knows what it costs Pete to take on that role again at poolside, just to keep Vegas from killing himself, and maybe Vegas even understands that Pete, himself, thinks he can endure it now that he has some assurance from Vegas that Vegas actually does love him. And what’s so so so important here is that Vegas doesn’t want that for Pete. He doesn’t want to treat Pete like the main family - “that filthy family” - does. He doesn’t want to treat Pete like Vegas, himself, has in the past. He wants Pete to know that, no, Pete doesn’t have to just accept the crumbs that fall on the floor off of Vegas’s table. He gets to sit at the table. When Vegas says “You’re the most important person in my life,” he’s saying “I still see you. I see you as person, not as a dog, the way the main family does, the way Kinn does, the way Kinn still does. I understand what you were telling me when you let me know that kind of treatment doesn’t feed you, doesn’t nourish you. And I’m not going to do that to you. This relationship is not going to be a poison pill. I’m going to feed you the way you deserve to be fed, treat you the way you actually deserve to be treated.”

And that’s why this line is just as important as Pete’s choice of Vegas over Kinn at the poolside scene, when Pete rejects the idea of someone else (Kinn) feeding him. This is practically in direct response to that. Pete’s made the choice that he wants Vegas to feed him, so Vegas is taking on the responsibility to feed him properly, and in contrast to the way Kinn and the main family have been feeding him.

Vegas is promising that Pete now gets to eat whenever he wants, whatever he wants, and that’s in direct contrast to the main family’s McDonald’s Kid Meal bodyguard rations version of affection.

Closure is a Myth: Any Way the Wind Blows

So I just finished Rainbow Rowell’s Simon Snow finale: Any Way the Wind Blows. Here are some thoughts I have.

Here there be spoilers!

Any Way the Wind Blows has been described as an “ending about endings.” But a more accurate description should probably be that it is an “ending about beginnings.”

A typical fantasy story follows certain conventions, including the one that the hero either arrives on the scene having suffered a traumatic origin story or that the adventure itself will be traumatic. Fantasy stories would have us believe that trauma is a way to temper a person, to make them stronger. But anyone who has actually suffered a trauma will tell you: that’s complete nonsense.

That’s what makes the Simon Snow books so powerful: instead of treating trauma as a colorful and romanticized plot device, they make trauma recovery the main focus. Every other fantastical plot point takes a back seat in finale Any Way the Wind Blows. The real story here is the character development. Simon, who has suffered the most, is only just beginning to “try” (as he calls it) to be emotionally invested in his relationship with Baz. Simon has always been a physical character, and his extreme emotions are often channeled through turbulent physical displays of affection and intimacy with Baz. Simon cautiously begins to learn how to touch, be touched, listen, and communicate after a lifetime of touch starvation and fight-or-flight existence. 

Simon also begins to find out the identities of his family (something the readers have known since book one). Because that reveal happens right at the end of the finale, we don’t get to see Simon’s journey to making peace with the implications of that knowledge. Simon’s last words are “it’s too much.” To which Baz’s reply, and last words are “it would be too much for anyone.”

And that’s IT! That’s where we leave them. There is no tidy end. No clear happily ever after. For those of us who are looking to wrap ourselves up in the warmth of queer happiness, that might feel disconcerting or disappointing. But here is the wisdom Simon and his friends are trying to give us:

There is no happily ever after in life. There is always tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. “Is this what people do?” Simon keeps asking, wondering if people keep touching and talking and trying with each other to build a life in little ways day by day? The answer is yes. The idea that we get closure in life, that we get a clear beginning to middle to definite, resolved THE END of conflict and suffering is the fantasy. Real life? It just keeps happening. And we have to find a way to keep on living and keep on growing in the aftermath.

Which isn’t to say that the books want us to leave feeling despair. On the contrary, Simon finally begins moving from denial and avoidance into facing his trauma responses and trying to develop healthier coping skills. Baz starts learning how to accept healthy love and stand up for his boundaries. Penelope begins to find an identity outside of her codependent relationship with her best friend. Agatha discovers a way to live with her magic without feeling shackled to it.

We end up seeing wonderful growth and progress in all of them. It is a little frustrating to feel like we only got to see them scratch the surface of their potential. But I would argue that’s even better. Happily Ever After is a fraud. Endings are static, they leave no room for growth. Real life is change, is an ongoing journey that doesn’t move in a straight line, that can take us to places we never could have imagined. In realizing that, we find the best possible hope: life isn’t about reaching an ending; it’s about embracing the new beginnings. So, for all the rules the Simon Snow books break, Any Way the Wind Blows follows the most important one: always leave them with hope. 

In the beginning of good omens season 2, we see the world through Crowley's eyes; the creation of the universe puts us in a position where we have no choice but to align with Crowley as a character. Most of the Flashbacks we see Aziraphale's perspective. He NARRORATES! This highlights the significance of the confession scene where we finally get Crowley's perspective again, specifically when it comes to Aziraphale and the alignment really becomes more important; not only are we initially seeing Aziraphale's proposal as a rejection, we have just enough of a glimpse of Aziraphale's beauty to make it painful for us on a more personal level. We see Aziraphale's whimsy and how fiercely protective Crowley is of him when he's not around, which is another way I'd say we see a reflection of Crowley's love.

This brings me to my next point; the way they express love towards eachother opposes their statuses as an angel and a demon. Aziraphale is physical, Crowley expresses emotionally weather he thinks he is or not, which is a lead up to the confession scene. Crowley's emotions are never directly expressed to Aziraphale until he confesses. With every one of his actions; threatening "Jim", saving Aziraphale making him "so happy", helping Aziraphale when he's under threat, doing anything for him even if he thinks it's ridiculous (the magic act, loaning him the Bentley, ext), learning Aziraphale's mannerism and tones; points to his emotional attachment. Everyone around him can see this attachment and it manifests in the way he speaks of Aziraphale- in the way he tells Nina "he's far too pure to be anyone's 'bit on the side.'" These actions are an expression of love and a substitute for physical touch he struggles with giving. You would expect a demon to have no issue with intimacy, given that one of the seven deadly sins is lust, though that isn't Crowley. He isn't really a demon, atleast not in the same way the others are. In a way, it feels as if he's worried any physical advancement would be taken as a temptation.

Conversely, Aziraphale struggles to say what he means, which leaks into the confession scene. He never speaks of his love for Crowley but its in the way he touches him and the way he physically expresses. The face he pulls when Shax suggest Crowley would never be interested in him exemplifies what I mean by this; he doesn't need to state his feelings for Crowley for his feelings to be known. His love is expressed in how close he stays to him, constant physical contact that you would think would be unbecoming of an angel. Despite what he is meant to think or feel, Aziraphale desires to be physically loved.

Both of these affection styles bleed into the Confession scene; Crowley emotionally expresses how he has loved and does love Aziraphale through words and when that doesn't work be tries to speak Aziraphale's language. He kisses him. He attempts to physically dedicate himself to Aziraphale and give him what he wants; this is met with his worse fear being realised. Aziraphale treats him as a tempter. Aziraphale, during this scene, attempts to be emotional for Crowley, trying and partially failing to verbally express what he's feeling. His plea for Crowley to come with him comes across wrong, his "I need you." Is lost in his accidental implication Crowley is only worthy of love if he changes. When Crowley kisses him, he struggles between leaning into it and pulling away, his hands being the tell all of his wants and fears.

Conclusively, I think it's safe to say that they failed to speak eachother's language and share one brain cell.

P.s. anyone else think the 25 Lazari miracle is just a testament to the power of love between them and generally within the world of good omens?

Who Killed William Dean? A tale of Spies, Politicians and Swindlers 

On August 13, 1918, the last day of William Dean’s life, a couple of unusual things happened. Early in the day he asked a neighbor leaving for Boston if she would get in touch with the police for him. He had information for them. He didn’t say what.

Later in the evening he got a visit from his friend, Charles Rich, the local political kingpin. Rich was a judge in Jaffrey as well as a banker and politician. Rich would later say he visited William Dean to ask how to treat an injury he had just received when his horse kicked at him, leaving him with a black eye and head injuries. Dr. William Dean had stopped practicing medicine and had long retired. He lived as a gentleman farmer. Nevertheless, he advised Rich on his injury and Rich returned to his home at about 10 p.m. Roughly two hours later Dean, 63, left his house and went to the barn on his property. Unlike most farmers who milk their cows at first light and dinnertime, Dean milked his single cow at the unconventional hours of midnight and noon. Upon entering the barn, he was attacked, beaten, strangled, bound up and carried to a cistern on the property.

Dr. Dean’s wife Mary worried about her husband. The next morning, when a hired hand arrived to begin mowing, she asked him to look for him. He was dead, she feared. She even speculated he was under water.

Mary was 68 and losing her faculties. But her immediate conclusion that her husband was dead raised suspicions. When Dr. Dean’s body was discovered, suspicion fell on Mary, who was also Dean’s cousin.

But there were two obstacles to the case against Mary. There was no evidence that she was at odds with her husband. While she was not completely rational, probably suffering from dementia, she was never known to be violent. And, she was physically not a likely suspect. Smashing her husband’s head, strangling him and carrying him to a cistern were beyond her abilities.

With the case against her seeming unlikely, townspeople turned their attention to the potential spy in their midst: Laurence Colfelt.

William Dean needed money, though not inordinately so. He and his wife had moved from their large house to a smaller bungalow on their property. They rented the large house to Laurence Colfelt and his family.

Colfelt, a New Yorker, lived on a trust fund. It wasn’t unusual for people from elsewhere to come to Jaffrey, but it was unusual for them to spend the winter. Colfelt’s lack of any work and lack of local ties made people suspicious of him.

Rumors circulated that he was German, or at least had German sympathies. Might he be a leader of the spies flashing signals to one another in the New Hampshire mountains? Might he, or other spies, have killed Dean because he had caught on to the spying operations in the hills?

The man who had probably the biggest target on his back in the murder investigation was Charles Rich, the banker and friend of William Dean.

The morning Dean was discovered murdered, Rich had a fresh black eye and bruises on his head. He explained his horse had kicked at him and knocked a board he was carrying, striking him in the head. Many in town doubted the story.  Though William Dean and Charles Rich were friends, one other odd occurrence implicated Rich. The day Dean’s body was found, an employee and friend of Rich’s visited Mrs. Dean and cleaned up the barn where the murder took place. Perhaps he obliterated evidence in the process.

A grand jury empanelled to investigate the case concluded that Dean was murdered, but the members of the jury could not determine who did it and to this day it remains unsolved.

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Fake It 'Til You Make It: Chapter 1

Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Epilogue

Rating: PG-13

Characters: Chisiya, Kuina, Kuzuryuu, Aguni

Pairings: None

Warnings: language, mentions of weaponry, show-typical stuff relating to games and all that

Summary: The Two of Clubs, but with a surprising twist.

Notes: This fic will be three chapters, plus or minus a little epilogue at the end if I'm feeling extra motivated. Although we're mostly setting the scene in this one, be prepared—this is a comedy, and it's about to get downright silly.

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The game is simple.

Sixteen players enter the arena—in this case, a once-luxurious and modern hotel in the heart of Tokyo, the towering structure still managing to look regal despite the decay that has begun to take over the city. The inside, although filled with the stuffy scent of decaying floral arrangements and boasting a thick layer of dust on its white marble floors, is no less impressive.

Registration ends and phones light up. A Two of Clubs makes a handful of participants sigh in relief; Clubs are, by many, regarded as the simplest of games. And, a level two implies a high rate of survival.

A letter pops up on each individual screen. Six A's, twelve B's. The A's are instructed to follow proceed to the left, and the grateful minority meanders out of the lobby. In a game with unequal teams, it's almost always better to be in the smaller group.

The B's, meanwhile, have two sets of tasks to complete. Firstly, choose a partner. For many, this is very simple—and if it isn't, a three-minute time limit spurs interpersonal negotiations forward, and everyone beelines to the right to board an elevator and complete the second part of their first challenge.

Kuina, Chisiya, Kuzuryuu, and Aguni file into the elevator at the furthest end of the hall and let the gold doors close behind them.

"Why'd you pair me with specs?"

Kuina shifts the straw between her teeth from one corner of her mouth to the other. Her arms crossed loosely around her middle, she leans against the wall in an almost bored fashion as the elevator begins its languid ascent.

"He's got the highest rank, so he gets priority," Aguni answers. He switches the safety off of his gun, the metallic click a sharp contrast from the pleasant music being piped in from the speakers. "You do Clubs, so you've got the best chance of getting him out of this alive."

"How noble of you," Chisiya smirks from the corner, "Even when we're not at the Beach, you're still loyal to the cause. Hatter has you trained well."

The mood grows ever more tense in the tiny space as Aguni's ire rises. The grip on his gun becomes a choke.

"Knock it off," Kuzuryuu chides. He rubs his glasses clean on the bottom of his shirt, then holds them up to the light to inspect for missed smudges, "Now's not the time for petty insults. We need to talk strategy."

"There's a real chance we'll all be working together even though we've been divided into pairs," Kuina says, "So, I suggest we stay close. And if you can't stay close, stay in touch. The easiest way to lose a Clubs game is to keep information to yourself. Communication is key."

"And if we happen to be pitted against each other, I suggest we do our best to minimize the damage," Chisiya adds. "I can treat a knife to the shoulder much easier than a knife through the eye."

Kuzuryuu puts his glasses back on his nose. His brow furrows.

"I also think we need to prepare ourselves mentally. I don't mean to be impertinent, but the fact that we're playing in a hotel as pairs could have...intimate implications."

Kuina cocks her head to the side.

"Do they really make games like that?"

"They make games for everything," Aguni says, "But that sounds more like Hearts. Or even Spades, I guess."

"And it wouldn't make sense to remove a group of players at the beginning if that were the case," Chisiya supposes. "So I'd say it's unlikely."

"Thank God," Kuina mumbles. She glances towards Kuzuryuu and shrugs. "No offense."

Kuzuryuu waves her off.

"None taken. I suppose all we can do is wait and see what happens."

He looks to the digital display above the doors. 28...29...30. It's only a matter of moments before they arrive to the top floor, the 38 button glowing merrily on the wall panel next to Aguni's shoulder.

"Gentlemen, I know this is a lot to ask," Kuina sighs when the elevator comes to a halt, "but try not to fuck this up for me, okay?"

She is the first to leave the car, a sassy sashay in her hips as she swans her way into the hall with confidence. A stony-faced Kuzuryuu follows leisurely behind, although there's a glint of amusement glittering in his eyes at his new partner's dry wit.

Aguni does not look back to see if Chisiya follows him out of the elevator; follow he does, albeit it as his own frustrating pace.

Not that they have particularly far to go. Almost immediately, they find themselves in the back of a queue, a pair of metal detectors blocking their path.

Women remove necklaces, men remove wristwatches. Piercings unclipped and weapons surrendered. Plastic bins in inoffensive beige have been provided, and into them go the shining treasures and trinkets of each player.

"Shit," Aguni curses, "Fuck."

"Just like being at the airport," Kuina comments. She reaches for her hair and unclasps one of the tiny silver clips glinting there. "Think we gotta take off our shoes, too?"

"If we do, it'll be the first time the Beach's dress code has ever been useful," Kuzuryuu scoffs. He turns to his partner? "Do you need help?"

Kuina allows it. A young person towards the front of the line gets to work unclipping the many buckles up the length of their bubblegum pink platform boots. At least they haven't been given a time limit for this part, because it's proving to be a very tedious and time-consuming event.

"Never seen you in a game without a firearm," Chisiya mentions to Aguni. He already has his MP3 player in hand, ready to part with the device when they get to the front of the line. "It'll be interesting to see how you do without it."

"I could snap you in half," Aguni hisses. He switches the safety back on his gun and holsters it once more.

"Vertically or horizontally?"

"Hey," Kuina snips, "what did I just say about fucking this up?"

"Yeah," Kuzuryuu adds. He removes another tiny ornament from Kuina's hair. "There's no 'I' in team. There's also no 'being a dick,' so if you two can't be nice, be quiet."

For better or worse, that shuts both men up. Kuina and Kuzuryuu chat here and there, even striking up a bit of conversation with the players in front of them. Apparently, they're newlyweds—a honeymoon to Japan has, unfortunately, diverted to the Borderlands. When it's their turn to walk through the metal detectors, both women seem reluctant to part with their rings.

But part with them they do, just like Kuzuryuu parts with his glasses and Chisiya parts with his wallet. Aguni is the last to pass through the metal detectors, looking a smidgen shorter but no less intimidating without his boots.

Phones vibrate, and one-by-one, the players begin to read through the instructions.

Game:

Dinner Date

Objective:

Place one of the rings provided on your left ring finger.

You and your partner must convince a panel of judges of your romantic involvement. If the panel correctly guesses which three couples are faking, every pair will be eliminated. If the panel is incorrect, they will be eliminated.

The other players begin to approach the table and select rings. The wives Kuina had been befriending share a bewildered, nervous giggle before clasping hands and fetching themselves a new set of jewelry.

The four Beach residents, however, are not so enthusiastic.

"Well," Kuzuryuu mutters, "I'll be damned."

His eyes go wide when Kuina bumps her shoulder against his. She leans on him, a hand coming up to rest on his lower back.

"C'mon, babe," she teases. It almost sounds natural, and the easy smile on her lips is a far cry from her unimpressed countenance of moments before, "It's been too long since you got me new jewelry."

"Right, ah," Kuzuryuu squeezes his eyes shut for a moment.

When he opens them, he is a new man. Gone are the sharp edges and clenched teeth that so define his inquisitive nature; now, his posture has loosened, and the hard lines about his frowning mouth have softened. He nods towards Kuina, and something akin to a chuckle bubbles up from his throat.

"Diamonds or rubies?" he asks playfully, which earns him gentle shove from his new date.

Chisiya and Aguni share a bewildered look.

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"Oh, aren't you two just the sweetest," Kuina gushes, bringing a hand up to her heart as if emotionally touched, "You don't have to be shy—I think everyone should get to see just how much in love you are."

Her brow raises just a fraction, but it's enough to get the message across. The panel of judges aren't the only ones watching. A few heads turn in their direction; fellow teammates looking to suss out the fake couples from the real ones.

To Chisiya's surprise, Aguni reaches over and gives his hand a reassuring squeeze. Like Kuzuryuu, his expression has lost some of its usual steel, and when their eyes meet, there's only a fraction of hatred hiding in the darkness of his pupils.

"I'll go get you one, too," Aguni says, still curt, but less aggressive than usual. When he lets go of his hand, Chisiya fights the urge wipe away any traces of the man on his shorts.

"Hurry back," Kuina calls as Kuzuryuu and Aguni go to procure their mandatory accessories. She watches them make their way through the small crowd.

"And you," she says lowly, her false smile never fading, even as she elbows Chisiya in the side, "better step it up. Remember what I said in the elevator?"

"How could I forget?"

"Good. Now, get ready, loverboy," she says, "because our men are on their way back."

part 2 coming (hopefully) soon!

Mr and Mrs Liars Chapter 1

The prologue

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *Jake POV*  If you can't beat the enemy, join them.  In the beginning, it was sheer hell, stealing while being watched. So I couldn't get the USB out and use it to get out of here. There was only one way and i hated it.  After a year, it was bearable. In a certain part.  It was much better not to make them angry. I could see from the table how they treated the other hackers they had working with them and how they treated them when they failed at their jobs. Some beat them, others took them away and didn't come back. I kept my eyes on both the computer and everything around me. Anthony Athem—clearly his last name wasn't real—the boss of the whole scam, it was easy to be friends with him if you laughed at his bad jokes and showed him what a great job he did. Part of the dirty money reached the candidate of whom he was a partner. They saved me the trouble of searching for information, here I had what I needed. The more time passed, the more he hated it. Just the thought of being able to get out of here someday and get back to MC was what kept me sane from doing something crazy. I hoped she hadn't been really upset that I had never arrived at the agreed time.  There were nights when I had nightmares about her. Everyone was hurting him. And she screamed for help. I wanted to hold her hand, but I never reached her, they kept her away from me. When I woke up, I told me that it wasn't real and that she was probably fine.  I had recently had the pleasure of the USB finally being able to make an appearance at a time when Anthony had decided I could be trusted. I had told him about how I had done the robbery methods, giving directions to the rest of the hackers. I even made jokes with him. All of them false. Every time I was friendly with him, a lump formed in my throat. This wasn't me. It wasn't my style. But all for getting back with MC. I make sure nobody pays attention to me and I open a secure chat from a perfectly secure organization. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Nymos Is it already done?  Comet Yeah all done Are you sure of this? I don't think it's a good idea This could get you in big trouble 😓  Nymos What do you want me to do? This is the only way I have to get out of here. And that they sink.  Comet Yeah, but... And what will happen to you? 😑 Aren't you worried that you can't see her again? It's the government, man I don't think they're going to let you go free at first 🙄 Nymos I'll be fine. :) I know what I am risking.  Comet I know you lie, Nymos Oh well The idea is yours, I only take orders  Nymos Did you say something to Dog?  Comet Well of course! What's crazy is that he thinks like you 😒 He will try to back you up if anything happens He's also working on covering the security for the victims of all those bastards He is grateful to you for having trusted him  Nymos I'm sorry I hid it from him all this time. But his faith back then was so blind. Comet Contacted those who are not implicated in all of that information you collected They came and were arguing like crazy Looks like there's going to be a good one all over the country 😅 And all thanks to you  Nymos As long as a little of all that scourge is cleaned up, for me it's as if the world is on fire. You already know what I want more.  Comet Yes, Yes Your dear little angel 😆  Nymos Shut up. How long do you think they'll take? Comet Well, according to the tracking of their mobiles They should appear rightAt this moment -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  A loud knock is heard upstairs. Screams start to be heard from a lot of people and I see our security guards draw their weapons. I touch the buckle for safety, checking that it's still there and I take shelter under the table, avoiding a possible hail of bullets. Anthony's men fire in the direction of the door. Some fall because they dared to shoot them.One of them falls directly near me. His eyes beg for help, wanting me to hand him the gun. Knowing that these people were criminals, I pushed the gun away when I saw that I could touch it with the tips of my fingers. I refused to collaborate with them.     "Lower all weapons!" the ‘intruders’ shout "Everyone!"       One by one, the survivors drop their guns to the ground and put their hands up. I wish I had seen the look on Anthony's face when he saw them enter.     "Where's Nymos?!” One calls me and from under the table I take out my hands first as a surrender too, and then I get up from under the table very slowly "Second team, take him away! " A group approaches me and grabs my arms. I really don't want to make jokes with these "Third team, take everything as evidence!” When I go out, the sunlight bothers me. I close my eyes tight, stunned.     "Come on, walk." One of the men with me pushes me forward. It's better not to piss them off. The positive of this: That I've come out of there. The negative: I think I'll get a good one for having put my hands where I shouldn't have put them. I thought they were going to take me straight to jail, but actually, they took me to the CIA facility.  So, locked in an all-metal cell with a horrible mattress, I wait for them to come for me.I play with the USB between my fingers, looking at it a little regretful for having done what I have done. At the same time, this little thing has saved me.I hear the door and as quickly as I can, I hide the small object in my belt. An older-looking woman with short blonde hair looks at me and sighs.     "Hello Jake.”     "Mathilde." I give her a casual wave of greeting.      That woman, she had been Dog's wife for only one year. They knew it didn't work if he was always on the lookout for security 24/7 rather than having a single break to pay attention to his wife. But if I had to speak as well, she was not far behind. She was even colder than him.     "Remember what I told you the first time we met?”  She approaches me, arms crossed ”At your sixteen years? ”      I sit on the edge of the bed, resting my hands on my thighs, unconcerned.   "That I wouldn't get into trouble?"     "And look where you are now, being all grown up and getting into trouble."     I notice that she is carrying a folder in her hand.    "Do you know what this is?" She picks up the folder, setting it on the bed.     I pick up the object and open it. They were names of those she had investigated. Just that there was a little mistake.     "This list is too short, more than half is missing," I say, looking at the only sheet that was there.     "That's what we got."      I understand. Dog didn't give all the information so I could do it. He wanted me to find a safe conduct if they tried to do something to me. I put the folder on the bed and try to clear my head. They left me with nothing to stay awake with, so I needed a shot of energy for all this stress.     "You're a mess," Mathilde says, looking at me with her green eyes. "I'll have you tidied up a bit, how long has it been since you shaved?”     "Don't you want to talk about the list first?" I look at him with some annoyance. The joke was not funny. She knew that I had been locked up.     "I'd rather talk to someone neat before going down to business, I'm not that cruel."     "Very considerate knowing that I've investigated quite a few people you trust."     "They're no longer trusted." She takes the folder from her and looks back at me, annoyed. "Seriously, you're a complete mess."      I nod sarcastically, watching her walk away. I throw myself into bed, tired. This was going to last a long time. I had not been allowed to fix myself. They didn't trust me to have anything sharp in my hands. I waited again in the room for Mathilde to arrive.  Once she enters, a smile slips from her lips.     "Do you see? Much better.” She claps her hands, looking at me like she's watching her son on his first day of school. “Shall we go now?”     "First I want to know what I'll get in exchange for this," I make sure first, not moving from my spot.     "You? Something in return?”     "I have a lot of information about a lot of people." I walk around the room, until I reach her and circle around her, intimidating her. "Many of them who work here and aren't even on that list, I've only counted three people. And there are quite a few."      I see how his jaw tenses. Frowning afterwards.    "Jake, you've hacked into very important government documents, they may be from criminals, but what you've done is a crime. You can't get off that easily."    "Bullshit!” I exclaim, while pointing at myself "I've spent six years*, SIX YEARS! On the run from the government, I have so much information I could bring down the entire CIA if I wanted to. Things are done my way, or there's no deal. I'm tired of running away and I'm not going to want to lock myself up again." The tension could be cut with a knife. Mathilde seemed about to explode.    "It would be positive, you would work with us uncovering the criminals.”    "Yes, locked up in a cell while you take away my freedom for having done something that NO ONE" I wave my hand, indicating the room, implying that I was talking about the entire building "has lifted a fucking finger to fix things." She sighs trying to relax, bringing a hand to his forehead.     "This is not in my hands," she replies, almost with ‘pity’. But I know it's not like that "I would have to talk to the higher-ups and it might take a long time. Accept our conditions, Jake, you have no choice. " I approach her face, threatening. I was tired of running away. Tired of being locked down. I just wanted to finally have a normal life. I wanted to get back with MC. I wanted to hug her again, tell her I was okay now and that I was sorry for worrying her.     "Well, either you accept my conditions or you won't see that complete list." I could feel my throat letting go of her angrily. Mathilde recoils, not in fear, but in disappointment.     “We will insist again tomorrow. Until then."      She turns around, leaving me alone.    “Fuck!” I kick the bed in anger.      I had looked for it myself.  Until they agreed to my conditions, there would be no list. I would push as hard as possible.  << Don't worry MC, I'll see you again soon. I will not let myself be separated from you. >> *MC POV*  I tried in the end to move on with my life, to leave Jake behind. I received nothing from him. There was no text, no call, nothing to let me know that he was okay or if he had actually thought better of being with me.  On the weekends, I always went to Duskwood. I would rather go there than stay at home waiting or crying. I didn't want to go through it again. If I stayed at home, I could go crazy. But perhaps there was also another reason…  It was a ritual for me to first go through the Bar Aurora. For my friends it was crazy, but for me… Well, it was a pretty big change. I stop to look at myself in the rear view mirror of a car, fixing my hair. Was my makeup right? Maybe I went a bit too far?    "Don't worry, MC, everything's fine," I tell myself, sitting up.      I walk into the bar and see Phil clearing tables. Now that he had entered, he couldn't back me down. I walk up behind him and put my hands on his face, covering his eyes.    "Who am I?" I ask, leaning close to his ear.    "Dan?” He replies with a hint of voice.     "Really? Dan?” I show annoyance. Well, faking it.     "Come on MC, you can't use those tricks anymore." He turns around and smiles at me maliciously. "You always arrive at this time, do not think that I do not know your schedule.”     "Are you stalker?”    "Everyone has a schedule to come here.”     I blush slightly. Last time I came, I extended my visit. I had accepted him on a date and wanted to give him a chance. It turned out pretty good.     "I wanted to tell you first," I say, a little embarrassed. He leans on the table, his hands in his pockets. He looks at me attentively. ”I have decided to change my cell phone number. No more waiting for messages from Jake.”     "That's fantastic!" He takes my hands, I'm shaking "Do I have something to do with it, Princess?”     "Oh come on, don't feel so important" I replied, trying not to show it. Yes, he had to do with it.     "That in a week after our date you have decided to do it, I think I have to do something with it.”      He caresses my cheek gently. I try to calm myself down.At last I don't feel guilty. I feel like I can do it.     "I wouldn't mind a second date…" I mutter, looking away in shame.     "What? I didn't hear you." He places his hand on his ear, teasing me with that wicked smile. "What did you say?”      I'm upset because I texted him that I wouldn't beg him for a second date. I had my pride in the ground for a foolish thing.     "I want a second date..." I repeated again, whispering this time.     "No, I can't hear you, louder."     "Okay you win Phil! I want a second date!" I exclaimed, with my face red. He makes a movement of celebration, as if he had scored a goal. It bothers me because deep down I also knew that I was going to accept it. Phil had been very nice to me ever since we met. I clearly had no romantic interest in him, but I did have fun with him. Besides, there was Jake. With him there were different feelings. But as soon as he found out that I stopped sending messages to a person who was never going to come back, he took the opportunity to ask me out several times. I admit I played hard to him, partly because I wasn't ready and partly because I was wondering what Hannah and Lilly would say to take their mind off Jake. But… Couldn't I move on? When I talked about it with them, it seemed good to them, they understood that at least I was worried about him just like they, who hadn't received messages either. We didn't want to think of the worst. Likewise, I couldn't continue to have that phone number and get nervous every time I received a message and go for it the first time. Pick it up, see it wasn't Jake, and start crying. I remember that the first time that someone saw me in that situation was Phil. And I told him everything. I broke my promise to Jake. I don't know if it was because I was mad at him or because I just wanted to talk about him. He promised never to say anything about him to anyone, to avoid getting me in trouble. Not to protect Jake. But me.   "You see it? It costs nothing to be honest with oneself.” He pulls me closer to him with his hands on my hips. My body tenses.     “I think we're skipping at least three dates doing this,” I say quietly, flinching at his touch.     "Are there any rules?" He brings his face so close that I can feel his lips brush against hers.     "I guess the rules shouldn't matter anymore..."      Right. There would be no rules anymore. I wouldn't have to take so many steps to go out with someone, I wouldn't have to hide that I have a boyfriend and I could if I wanted to have a photo of us as a wallpaper. He ends up kissing me. I don't stop him. I tangled my fingers in his hair and pulled my body closer to his. He picks me up and sits me on the table behind him, kissing me passionately all the time.So this was no hiding? I feel happy, so much that I let go and put my hands under his shirt, caressing him.    "Oh, don't fuck with me..."      We stop kissing and turn our gaze to the entrance of the bar. Dan carries two cases of beer and looks at us like he's a disappointed dad. I gets off the table and fix myself up, as does Phil. Although he seems amused by the situation.     "Wow, we sure are punctual to interrupt," Phil says, putting an arm around my shoulders.      I want to die of shame.     "Would it help to take the leave if I put bleach in my eyes to erase this scene from my mind?" Dan starts walking over to the bar, setting the boxes down on it.     "Not if it's not accidental."     "MC, I'd be careful with this one if I were you," he points to Phil and I'm attentive to his talk “last weekend he went out with a girl, don't trust him or he'll break your heart.     "I was the girl, Dan, but thanks for caring." I try to avoid looking at his face, out of embarrassment, raising my hand as if to point at me.     "You have bad taste in men."     "Careful, you're talking about your boss."     "I'll deduct him from his salary for interrupting us," Phil continues joking, or so I think, and smiles at him wickedly.     "Then I'll report you for it."      We laugh and he continues to work. I break away from the hug, resigned because I had to go in part to meet the rest of the group.     "Well, I have to go now." I tried to sound dramatic, making him smile. "I'm sorry that I left you alone with Dan."     "Wait, come here." He pulls me in and gives me a little kiss, to which I respond slowly.      I would love to stay longer, really.     "I forgot to do something."      I pulls him away and pulls out my phone, texting him. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  MC Do you want to meet for lunch tomorrow? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------      "Here's my new phone number."      He lets out a weak laugh, looking at the screen. He starts typing and I get a message. I can't help but smile. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Phil I'd love to ;) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------      "I don't know if you're going to be able to last that long." He winks at me and I raise an eyebrow as 'Are you serious?'.     "We'll see who is missing whom."       On my way out, I decide to send the rest of the messages to my friends. They immediately put me in the group that we had. But things got out of hand. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dan Guess that Phil and MC were making out?  Jessy WHAT!? 😵  Cleo Very good joke Dan  Thomas It's true?  Dan Sure, they almost didn't get it on one of the bar tables  Lilly Come on guys, don't exaggerate 🙄  Jessy BUT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT MY BROTHER!  MC DAN! You couldn't have shut up?! I wanted to tell everyone about it when we met! 😫  Hannah So is it true? Don't you deny it? MC Why deny it...  Jessy Meeting right now!! 😤  MC But if we were going to meet up to see each other 😅  Thomas I think she's really mad, MC I have a feeling that she is going to interrogate you  MC See you now  Hannah Just in case, come prepared with a shield  MC 😂 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  Now I had to deal with some disappointed friends. It's going to be fun. We had arranged to meet in the market square. I couldn't stop shaking thinking that they were going to read me the primer as if they were my parents.The weather was nice, nice. Perfect for a spring day. As soon as they saw me, Jessy was the first to approach. She held me by the shoulders with her eyes wide open.     "How come you didn't tell me that you liked Phil?" Her reaction made me laugh, she looked like a gossiping teenager. "I'm your best friend! How can Dan know before I do? "     "Actually…" I glance at Hannah and Lilly, who covertly avert their gazes.     "I'm getting disappointed all the time... " I look at Cleo who looks disappointed. She doesn't like Phil at all. I walk over to her, with a smile.     "Angry?" I ask, trying to sound calm.     "No." A lie "Well, I guess I have to face it, does that mean we're going to be seeing him a lot with us?”     "Don't worry, you don't have to be with us if you don't want to."     “Nonsense!” Hannah imposes herself on us, holding my hands "MC, we're going to support you in everything, if one day we meet and he's there, nothing will happen.”      I try not to cry knowing that she supported me when I told her.     I nod and wipe a few tears away. Afterwards I get a hug from Lilly.     "Don't be a crybaby," she tells me, with a laugh "it's not that big of a deal." You have bad taste in men, it’s okay."     "Do you know that Dan said the same thing?"I say, rolling my eyes.     "It's no coincidence that two people tell you that." Thomas crosses his arms, looking at me like a worried brother. Hannah smiles at him and leans on his shoulder, also looking at me like another sister.I can't deny how lucky I am to have such a large group of friends.  They had become so important to me that I was sure I was never going to leave them. They were my family after three years.     "I'm still mad that you didn't say anything to me." Jessy gives me a dirty look, or tries to.     "Don't be mad, please!" I throw myself at her in a big hug and we laugh.      I definitely could not have been happier in a long time. *Jake POV*  It had been a couple of months and they still hadn't accepted my proposal. I kept myself sane by moving around the room, so I wouldn't lose mobility in my body. I hear the door open and Malcolm is let through. Dog. It surprised me that he came out of his lair.     “How are you, kid?” he asks me, keeping his hands in the pockets of his suit.     "Kid?" I let out a sly laugh. “I’m thirty-three years old."     "You're younger than me," he laughs, leaning closer to me to speak in a whisper. "Have you accepted their deal?"      I look seriously at him. It can't be that he came here to try and convince me of this.     "No, I haven't accepted, or can't you see where I am?" I point to the room in a dramatic way. "The food is good, but the facilities are shit. The bed is made for torturing."     "Okay, keep it up." I startled and crossed my arms. "Don't let them manipulate you, Jake, you may have done something illegal, but what you did wasn't bad.”     "Why haven't you given them all the information?"     "Because you need it more than I do," he looks at one of the cameras and then at me "you always have to have a pass. If something happens to you, I'll have to get involved."     "Even if it does cause problems with Mathilde?"     "Don't talk to me about that witch without a broom."      He separates from me now, more relaxed.  By inertia, I take one of my hands to the buckle of my trousers. So far no one has found out that it was a USB, just something that they left me to entertain me when I started playing with it.   "Is she okay?" I ask, worried about MC. "Does anyone know of her existence?"   "I haven't been able to see anyone name her, she's totally safe." I calm down upon hearing her words. "To them, that girl doesn't exist.”     "I'm glad." I sit on the bed with a long sigh. I look at him thankful. "Thank you for everything Dog.”     "You're welcome." He heads to the door and knocks. "Keeps insisting, in the end they will give in if it is so important to them.”     "How's it going out there?"     "Everyone's nervous and they look at each other." They open the door and he steps out. "See you soon, kid.”     "See you soon, old man."      Dog leaves and the door is closed behind him. Loneliness accompanies my room again. I close my eyes and imagine MC. In front of me. Technically I'm not a real criminal, I've just done what was right. Get that information that until now nobody had dared to investigate.  Until I see a contract where I talk about my freedom, I'm not going to lift a finger in offering them the information. I know it's risky for all the criminals out there on the loose, but if they're that interested, they'll have to do it as I say. Chapter 2 --------------- Six years*: In Duskwood it says that he spent four years, and at the beginning of this fic it was two years after that, hence the six years on the run.

@featherchan​

An  beginning  could  be  celebrate  inside  an  silent  acknoweldgement  :  there  had  been  indeed  an  first  day  when  his  attachments  born,  and  inside  his  own  being,  he  embraced  each  layer  of  these  feelings  towards  his  Spring  Incarnate,  that  little  fragmented  of  an  bright  sun,  than  trapped  inside  his  harsh  winter,  he  couldn’t  barely  touching  inside  darkness  and  loneliness.  Nevertheless,  there  was  no  ending ,  no  last  page  of  an  infinite  book  in  which  this  feeling  would  fade.  Eternity  sounded  like  an  mortal  appropriation  term  for  treating  in  elegant  manner  infinity  of  time  —  how  was  that  lenght  for  an  divinity  like  them,  in  which  as  much  they  existence  would  have  a  beginning,  there  wasn’t  no  finished  ending  ?  In  some  manners,  the  Underground  cannot  remain  without  a  king,  when  even  if  one  day,  his  throne  would  have  to  been  troubled,  someone  would  have  to  rule,  been  some  monsters  were  sleeping  inside  their  cages,  and  renmants  of  souls  weren’t  tempted  to  escape  …  losing  themselves  between  nothingness  and  shadows  of  limbos  for  searching  bright  sun  of  being  reincarnated  …  When,  regardless  physical  form  of  these  instants  could  change,  appropriate  specific  characteristics  to  recognize  him,  where  everything  would  become  relative.  Regardless,  he  understood  the  intention  of  her  comforting  sentence.  Her  love  for  him  will  never  die.  Will  never  lower  out  whatever  how  circumstances  and  others  dimensions  might  change  around  them.  He  never  doubted  that  ;  for  himself  never  doubted  about  it.  There  will  be  one  Queen  inside  the  Underground,  in  which  she  equally  ruling  that  place  and  equally  having  power  of  decisions  inside  possibilities.  She  was  limited  in  same  way  he  was  —  Thanatos  and  Hypnos  had  gaze  of  experience  and  influence  slightly  above  him,  to  which  they  took  pleasure  in  making  everything  happen  as  they  wished,  where  wishes  or  desires  to  show  compassion  returned  to  negotiate.        ❝    My  Queen,  your  concerns  are  listened,  nevertheless,  do  not  be  afraid  of  us  fade  away  as  stars  —  infinity  of  our  matter  makes  decay  impossible,  and  even  if  that  were  the  case,  appearance  shape  would  change,  but  never  essence  of  what  we  are;  even  if  all  other  matter  in  world  ceased  to  exist.    ❞  He  reassured  in  an  gentle  tone,  amused  inside  his  implications.  Slowly,  pleasant  smile  was  offered,  removing  him  of  some  common  thoughtfulness  he  was  often  trapped  with.  There  hadn’t  been  an  immediate  reply  about  the  mortal  point.  There  was  no  consideration  about  others  opinions  towards  his  personal  feelings  he  had  towards  her.  Actually,  it  was  rather  an  point  he  was  fighting.  Most  usual  thing  inside  Olympus  was  something  almost  inaccessible  to  him,  forced  to  make  concessions,  while  he  perceived  in  his  private  box  aberrations  of  his  brother.  An  thought  in  which  he  reflected  silently.  Joyful  expression  turned  inside  an  slight  mockery.    ❝  I  don’t  need  approval  of  mortals.  I  don’t  need  approval  of  my  brothers.    ❞    Or  your  mother,  but  that  sentence  cannot  be  expressed.    ❞  My  love  have  no  end  —  no  notion  can  limit  it,  no  matter  what  circumstances  become  or  are.  I’m  glad  you  share  same  thoughts.    ❞

Hello! It is once again Galaxy essay time, as I have many things I want to talk about (It's like a whole page worth of things) So thanks for the chapter, and time for my ramblings to begin! Where to begin? Hmmmm.... I wonder what there is to discuss in this upda- I WANT TO KILL DREAM SO BAD OMG I WANT HIM DEAD I WANT TO DROPKICK HIM INTO THE SUN- ahem- What I mean to say is the development of cs!endersmile in this chapter was really interesting! I was really hoping the update would have some focus on Ranboo's relationship with Dream based on the heavy implications from the last chapter, and boy I was spoiled rotten with how much stuff there is to analyze here! The fact that Dream has basically shifted into Ranboo's full-time tutor is such a shift in the type of relationship they have (Which was only mildly starting to ramp up earlier) For one Dream knew that Techno was tutoring Ranboo, so by practically replacing him as Ranboo's tutor, he can emotionally distance Ranboo from his system of support! (I say this enthusiastically because of how hot your writing abilities are, I actually want to kill cs!Dream for doing this) Then the "What Niki doesn't know can't hurt her " line was a whole other layer to add to that. He's teaching Ranboo to naturally lean towards deceit for the sake of emotional detachment! Oh, and calculus too!! ^-^ And all of these decisions are so clear and consistent in Dream's goal to make Ranboo only rely on him because for all Dream knows, Niki and Techno are all Ranboo has outside of him. And then you toss in all that wonderful dog/pet symbolism!!! It is so awful to read! I love it :D The fact that he pets cs!Ranboo like a dog for listening. The fact that he says "Good boy". The specific use of the word "obey". It is all so gross in the best way possible, but GOD I WANT TO KILL HIM FOR TREATING RANBOO LIKE THAT- *Aggressively Barks*

The increasing amount of puzzle pieces we're getting on the relationship between Dream and Tommy is also so intriguing, he tutored him and seemingly forced himself into every aspect of Tommy's life, which makes the progression of tutoring in his and Ranboo's relationship all the more concerning. And I loved the more subtle manipulation tactics used by Dream too! Like how he mentioned Techno by saying he barely remembers Ranboo bringing him up, which felt off because Dream has mentioned him specifically with some amount of detail in the past, so clearly he's trying to make Techno out to be less important in Ranboo's life, less of a friend and more of an acquaintance. The small nudges Dream uses into getting him to stay long: Emphasizing the need to study, saying Ranboo could meet his friends, offering dinner, The subtle progression of physical touch being used as almost a reward or lure. Ranboo was scared to be next to him before, and now Dream pets him and rubs his shoulders?! All these little details have so much attention put on them, it's amazing!

And of course, how could I end the cs!dream section without mentioning the most obvious red flags?! All the notions of ensuring Ranboo promises not to tell anyone (isolation), saying Ranboo helped "save" him (builds a self-esteem reliant on Dream), The mentions of his "difficult" life in school (making the victim sympathize with the abuser), all of this is so sickening and awful, and you've really outdone yourself with how cs!Dream was portrayed here. As someone who's had to do some amount of research on the signs of emotional abuse for school, everything you're setting up here is just so satisfying to read! I really look forward to how you'll further develop this duo, especially with all the symbolism you've been using! Phew! That was a lot of words(Even for me, good lord) Anyway, now to talk about the depression that Ranboo is too dumb (/affectionate) to realize he has! Our boy lashes out in agitation, only wants to sleep at his home or be out of it, distances himself from his loved ones because he thinks it's better for them, and on top of that feels incredibly numb to almost everything. You portrayed the symptoms of depression so well to literally everyone except Ranboo (/hj) And then of course we have all the fun gender dysphoria that our poor boy is going through! I mean- mans is literally mad at himself for wanting pronouns... I feel so bad for him and want to slap him at the same time, which I've found to be a pattern for this chapter. All his shame combined with him thinking he shouldn't and doesn't need to be talking to people, and then hero symbolism that continues through. Dude, it's all so frustrating in the best way possible! But hey, on the bright side at least Reanboo's one step closer to figuring out he's arospec! :D Now imma talk about the texting scene with Fundy! Which let me just say, felt like the only even remotely wholesome thing to happen in this chapter. You write texting so well, it always feels natural, and the snake story was so cute! It's a shame that Fundy is so clearly desperate to the degree of self-shame (that must run in the family). The fact that Ranboo's only really known Fundy for a short time and is already thinking that Fundy deserves better than him since he's worthless is so concerning! Like, Ranboo, buddy, please talk to literally anyone about this, I'm begging! And speaking of talking to people about his issues, let me talk about the Techno phone call scene! (I know, I'm great at segways) The most organized thing I think I can say about this scene was how angry it made me. Every desperate and angered response Ranboo made in that conversation made me feel like a boiling pot of water. It just kept getting worse, especially knowing how clearly bad things must seem for Techno to reach out about it. In my notes, I put, in all caps, "I WANT DEATH" and I think that sums it up pretty well. In a lot of Ranboo's scenes, specifically in terms of arguments, it always feels like Ranboo is losing. like he knows his own points are incredibly flawed, and it makes scenes like this seem more like a lashing out from a deep pain rather than genuine hate, which they are. This was such a good scene, I always love it when reading makes me so viscerally feel emotion, great job!

Finally, how do I feel about the state of cs!beeduo? Glad you asked! My brain was screaming in agony every time Tubbo was mentioned! Because every excuse Ranboo came up with at the start of the chapter ("too busy") in comparison to the blatant admittance of the fact that he's purposely avoiding him makes me so sad. Poor Tubbo doesn't know any of this is happening, and he clearly misses Ranboo so much! I mean he sent him a picture of a manatee for pete's sake, if that isn't proof of his love I don't know what is! And how clearly Ranboo misses Tubbo in every description, keeps thinking about him, his face, his smile (ha, gay) combined with the same pain he thinks about being close to him. Self-loathing really ruins everything, I don't know how this could get any worse! <- Famous last words. Regardless their relationship is so interesting to me in the way you write it, and I love that Ranboo can see Tubbo in everything he does, in terms of joy & warmth, and hurt and sadness.

And with that, I think I'm done, though I must say I also loved the final psychosis scene, you always write these really well and disorientingly and I loved the imagery here too! This chapter was so so so good, and I can't wait to see what comes next! Your attention to detail and characterization never fails to amaze me, and you always get such great reactions out of me! You inspire me so much, and although this technically isn't relevant here, thank you for all the kind words about my art! It really means a lot :D And now that I think about it you've been calling me Galaxy this whole time so my pronouns are she/they/he (no preference)! Thanks once again for the great writing, this chapter really struck a chord with me, and as always I'm very glad to talk about all your hard work!

And I hope you have a wonderful day or night! <333

HEYA GALAXY! man i can't wait for your breakdowns on some of the upcoming chapters seeing as u already have so much to say on the chapters i see as being, like. way less eventful HAHA

the best thing about writing anything is when you write a scene and have in your mind a specific thing about it that you hope people pick up on, and happen to have a lovely mutual who seems to always pick up on it. but yes! i really wanted to show the shift in the relationship and how stark it is, because that's something that comes with those really abusive relationships-- the molds shift and contradict each other and that adds the layer of disillusion that the victim experiences. there's a very specific reason why dream is positioning himself into a mentor role here, and you picked up on exactly that: ranboo has so many people who are trying to influence his life for the better or otherwise tutor him, and dream wants to replace them

(it's also just a pretty good cover up for what he's doing, as we saw with good ol sapnap there)

and yes yes yes one of- actually fuck it, THE hardest part about writing ranboo's POV is figuring out his memory. like without a doubt that is what i struggle with the hardest-- mostly because i have a bad memory too. but the trick with it is that ranboo, in cough syrup, has forgotten things that very clearly have happened in CS-- i haven't deliberately pointed out every occasion but there are things you can tell, times he's brought smth up a few chapters before but gets confused way later. and with dream there's some nuance with him also deliberately portraying things as being barely mentioned, not at all mentioned, talked all about, etc.

ranboo HAS told dream things over their time knowing each other that hasn't been established in cough syrup. for example, i can confirm that dream is aware ranboo's trans, even if we haven't seen that conversation happen. but the fun of it is showing, like you pointed out, how ranboo forgets what he tells dream and dream uses that as a great way to downplay or emphasize certain things to his liking.

also one of my favorite bits in the chapter that you hit on is how dream clearly wants ranboo to stay longer than ranboo shoulder-- the implication at that scene change was that ranboo only knew he had to leave because he accidentally saw george's phone light up with the time. otherwise, dream wasn't going to mention it. and now, compare all of that to how in earlier chapters, dream would rush ranboo out in the middle of nowhere as a way to devalue him. i'm doing my best to show the shift in dream's treatment based on what ranboo's struggles are. :)

also i immediately retract what i said two paragraphs ago because tommy and dream are actually the hardest part of CS to write and coordinate but we'll get more on that later ;D

ranboo and tubbo both literally have case examples of depression and are both like. no surely not

tbh. ok this is embarrassing so its between me you and whoever else reads this long ass response. i do legitimately pay attention to how different people text subconsciously as a way of figuring out how characters type. i would be great at chatfics if i had any motivation to ever write a chatfic whatsoever

your segues are fantastic king dont worry about it, THE I WANT DEATH IS SO FUNNY HELPSFKJJDHF YEAH YEAH YEAH I'm actually really glad that i moved Techno talking to him to this chapter and did it over a phone call even when that wasnt the initial plans because like. I think the different approaches that people are trying to take are interesting and only a select few of them are working; the thing about Techno is that he cares a LOT and he notices a LOT but he's not always the best about approaching people. He thinks that the best method here is directly pointing out the problem and then softening up; Ranboo can't stick through that long enough to get to that other side . Techno was initially WAY in the start of CS supposed to have a scene like this where he gets really personal about his own struggles, which I might stillt hrow in later, but there's a reason that he didn't do it then. ranboo wasn't in the headspace to let him in any further than he accidentally managed to get.

the picture of the manatee Literally true love... but YES God I know it must be horrible for you all too but like. god it is KILLING ME not to write cs!beeduo more. I know WHY i'm holding off on writing them it's all for plot purposes but goddammit i miss my guys. i miss them! and tubbo misses ranboo so fucking much and ranboo's trying to convince himself that he doesn't see tubbo in everything he does! agony! agony forever!

ALWAYS THE KIND WORDS ON YOUR ART <3 you've done so much for me with these comments and your support that you're like, a cemented part of CS's community-- it's fucking crazy that i can even make that assertion-- to me. idk where the fic would be without you<3 and TY for the pronouns! i didn't know looking at ur bio so i appreciate it, we're she/they/he buddies :D

thank u so so much for this, and i'll see you around <3

Harry and The Dursleys: Examining His Response to his Abusers

This is a musing/rambling, because I have been rereading and I have been noticing shifts in how Harry responds to the Dursleys. It is largely a companion piece that expands the ideas that I touch upon in my meta Deconstructing Harry , and it is to underline how Harry was shaped by surviving and living in an abusive household, one that specifically posits the "golden child vs scapegoat" dynamic in the worst possible way. I have been doing a reread and I have a lot of thoughts!

Finding Safety

Harry's relationship with his abusers is quite understandably, fragmented. He is used to their neglect ("the house held no other sign another boy lived there") and prefers to stay out of their way, and he is used to being the scapegoat to Dudley's golden child. The stark difference in how the Dursleys treat Dudley vs himself contributes to the very little sense of self Harry begins the series with. This, of course, changes when he is removed from their presence and Hogwarts, specifically Ron and Hermione offer him the safety that is required for him to develop beyond his constant survival mode.

What was interesting to me beyond him being used to their neglect is that....at least in the first two books of the series, he wants their attention. He attempts at connection with his abusers ( he tells them about the dream with flying motorbike, he considers waking Dudley up at the hut before his birthday - to annoy him i.e just to have his attention, when Uncle Vernon says "now we know today is an important day" in CoS on Harry's birthday, Harry actually looks up, "hardly daring to believe it").

Why does he do this? Harry has been constantly told - repeatedly consciously and unconsciously that he is a burden on the Dursleys. So he copes - spotting danger ("Harry didn't look it but he was very fast") and evading, not draw attention to himself unless necessary, or trying to maintain a relationship with them in an effort for both need for connection - because they are all he has at the moment and he is a lonely boy, and to try and be safe from complete abandonment.

His abandonment issues inform both his aversion to conflict in personal relationships ( I talk about it in my meta about his relationship with conflict and evolution of his dynamic with Ron and Hermione here) as well as his interesting ambivalence to Ron and Hermione's budding romance in later books ("It wasn't as though he was surprised - but he wasn't sure how he felt about it .. ()...Would he be shut out for good?)

Ease With Violent Contact

There are plenty of implications of physical abuse Harry suffers throughout the series, referred to in the narrative in offhand ways ("You need more than good sense to liase with Uncle. A good sense of when to duck more like" in OOTP, "Long experience had told Harry it is best to stay out of Uncle Vernon's arms reach" in HBP) and we see instances of Vernon threatening him ( Uncle Vernon advanced on him with first raised. "You'll get the stuffing knocked out of you, won't you?" in POA, and his promise to "flay Harry within inch of his life" in beginning chapters of CoS after Dobby crashed the pudding).

We also see Vernon manhandling him (he grabs Harry around the middle and throws him out of the room in PS, he grabs Harry by the throat in beginning chapters of OOTP and Harry magically throws him off). All of this has made Harry remarkably numb to adults manhandling him or being violent with him.

He is not all that shocked about Umbridge and her Blood Quill. In fact, he treats it like a battle of wills:

Harry did not ask when he would be allowed to stop. He did not even check his watch. He knew she was watching him for signs of weakness and he was not going to show any, not even if he had to sit there all night, cutting open his own hand with this quill ... (OOTP)

he was not going to give her the satisfaction of hearing that he had complained about it. (OOTP)

On the opposite side of things, he is not used to being touched to show care and when people do - in the beginning of the series, he is awkward when Hermione hugs him, and he is overwhelmed when Mrs Weasley does at the end of GOF:

He had no memory of ever being hugged like this, as though by a mother. The full weight of everything he had seen that night seemed to fall in upon him as Mrs. Weasley held him to her (.....) until he could hardly bear it, until he was screwing up his face against the howl of misery fighting to get out of him. (GOF)

The first person Harry initiates a hug with is Ginny in HBP, and it is an indication of how comfortable he is with her.

Seeing Threats In His Environment

Harry's way of recognising threats in his environment that he needs to be safe from is - is this person reminding of my abusers?

His immediate response to Draco Malfoy when he first met him in PS is that he reminded him of Dudley, and begins to dislike him. By second meeting, Draco insults Ron, who Harry does like and that sets up the antagonism between them.

Harry also immediately picks upon Snape's dislike of him at the feast itself in Philosopher's Stone (which he reconfirms in next chapter when he sits in Snape's class - "Snape didn't dislike Harry. He hated him"). It is once again, him scoping out threats in the environment. In fact, the Sorting Hat chapter in Philosopher's Stone ends with a dream of all things Harry is associating in his mind as threats: it is both a fun literary device and speaks to Harry's intuition. He sees Draco, Snape and curiously, Quirrel's turban and high cold laugh.

The Flying Motorbike

The flying motorbike is the recurring dream of his escape from Dursleys and the motorbike is both associated with Hagrid and Sirius.

It is a life changing moment for Harry that the moment Hagrid enters (which makes his bullies fearful), he can see Hagrid's eyes are "crinkled into a smile". There are so many associations of Hagrid with warmth and nurture.

He removes the threat of the rifle from Vernon and the negates the feeling of Vernon as a threat and then proceeds to make delicious sausages. He descalates the threat, and then provides for Harry, and it immediately makes an impression.

And then he gives Harry a birthday cake and - first information of his parents, and thereby a sense of identity that is rooted in something good. Harry also discovers within the same book that his parents loved him so much, they died protecting him. This is a radical information for a boy who is used to being neglected and seen as a burden, and ghosts of Lily and James hang over the series. (Harry's larger series wide emotional arc is coming to terms with his parents' death - I talk about it here)

And the second adult, associated with the flying motorbike is Sirius.

After the events of CoS where Dursleys locked up Harry and Ron had to break him out, Harry in the beginning of POA does not seek the attention of Dursleys the way he did in first two books. He is more secure in his place at Hogwarts and his friendship with Ron and Hermione - whereas in the beginning of CoS, he wonders if they had forgotten him.

So, when Harry runs away from the Dursleys, finally rejecting them as any sort of guardians ("I've had enough") - who does he see on the street (the Grim :P) but a guardian who had broken out of prison and swum the North sea to see him and protect him. It is interesting to me that Sirius appears in the narrative right when Harry completely rejects the Dursleys.

I explore why Harry took to Sirius so immediately here: Someone Like A Parent

Other readings for insight into Harry's abuse: Accidental Magic as a Trauma Response by @sybill-the-seer

And Harry's trauma over his parents death: Dementors and Complex Grief by @mrs-stubby-boardman

May i request the dorm leaders with an s/o who sleep walks and sometimes gets hurt because of it? (Like imagine s/o sleepwalking and accidentally falling down the stairs or hitting their face in a wall) thank you :))

This sounds like me while I’m awake, wdym lololol

100 follower event Masterlist

Tw: implications of confusion induced panic, but nothing too severe; mentions of injuries

Pairing(s): Riddle, Leona, Azul, Kalim, Vil, Idia, Malleus x gn reader who sleepwalks (separate)

He was concerned that you always seemed to have bruises and scratches on you

He thought you were being bullied and didn’t tell him

So when he sat you down and asked if you were okay, you explained that you accidentally hurt yourself sometimes when you sleepwalk

Kinda caught him off guard, since he’s never met someone who sleepwalks-

He tries to help out as best as he can, though

He knows he’s not supposed to wake you up, so he instead tries to make your environment as safe as he can

Notices when you get out of bed and watches you to make sure you don’t hurt yourself

Takes note of things that you somehow find a way to knock against, puts it into an area you couldn’t reach when it’s time for bed from then on-

When you get injured in the night, he’ll care for your wounds the next day

Kisses your wounds so they can heal faster

He asked pretty quickly what was going on since he noticed your wounds from prior nights

When you explain, he doesn’t really react and moves on

He takes it seriously, though, he just thought you might feel weird if he made it a big deal

Like Riddle, he makes sure your environment is safe

When he wakes up to you sleepwalking, he gets up and gently guides you back to bed

Accidentally woke you up once, doesn’t want to again

Still likes to take naps with you during the day, he read somewhere that it could help so he uses that as an excuse

Asks other members of Savanaclaw that he trusts to lead you back to bed if he doesn’t notice you leave

Takes care of your injuries if they look really bad, but otherwise says you’ll be fine

So gentle when touching your wounds it’s uncharacteristic, but very sweet

He definitely noticed the bruises, especially since he has experience with bullying, but doesn’t want to approach you directly

He waits it out for you to come to him while watching you in the distance so he can catch the assumed perpetrators in action

He starts getting confused and even more concerned when he noticed no one approached you, but that made him think it was happening in the background

He asks you upfront after a while of (stalking) staking out, slightly embarrassed when you said you weren’t being bullied and you got your injuries from sleepwalking

Starts doing research on sleepwalking symptoms and how he can help

He goes to the extreme to help protect you from then on, making sure to lock anything he deems dangerous away for the night

Tries to help you talk over what’s stressing you out to help you get it off your mind, since he read that it could be a cause of sleepwalking

When you do sleepwalk, he watches you to make sure you don’t hurt yourself, moving anything out of your way that he needs to

You have to calm him down a bit when he’s treating your wounds, he tries to go to the extreme-

Very passionate about helping you, especially if it’s with something like this that can hurt you

He asks at the beginning of your relationship that you both let each other know anything that may be important, for the sake of transparency

That’s how he figured it out, so he asked you what he needed to do to help you

Might be a bit freaked out the first time he sees it, so he woke you up

Felt bad that you were so confused, so he learned not to do that unless he has to-

Usually finds a way to bring you back to bed, sometimes has to ask Jamil for help so you don’t bump into anything on the way

Tries to look into how to help you, but doesn’t understand much of what he can do (he’s trying so hard omg sweet bean)

Asks Vil if he can make a potion you can try to help you, it kinda works..some nights

He learns somewhere that a decent sleep schedule can help, so he tries that out for you

When you get hurt he takes care of you and asks Jamil to make you something that’ll make you happy to eat or drink

Confused bby is trying his best, he’ll figure it out in time!

Rook seemed distraught so Vil asked what was going on

Rook told him that he saw you walking around during the night and run into a lot of the chairs and tables

This troubles Vil, so he asks why you woke up so late in the night and you explain that you have issues with sleepwalking

He understands and starts looking into things that can help you

He’ll ask you to try different potions he made to see if they help you at all, takes notes on which ones are and aren’t effective and his theories on why

Reads in his research that you might have a time after you fall asleep that it starts, so he stays up some nights so he can time how long after you fall asleep it starts

Baby-proofs cabinets and drawers that have dangerous potions or supplies stored inside

Asks Rook to help keep track of what you get hurt on so he can figure out how to fix the issue, since Rook is so observant

Always puts treatment on your injuries when you both do skincare

Lots of hugs when he’s done and he tells you that he’ll find a better way to help once you get farther in the relationship

He noticed the first night you slept in the same bed

I lowkey headcanon that Ortho had issues with sleepwalking when Idia first created him, so Idia kinda knows what to do but it’s a bit different with someone organic-

He goes into research mode and finds all of the reasons, treatments, and self care he can

Makes sure to store away any glass merch or figures he has so you don’t step on them or knock them off and bump into a broken piece

He’s usually up late, so when you sleepwalk he’s still awake and keeps track of you

Focuses on helping you keep calm and ease your stresses, and (ironically) keeps you on a strict bedtime so you had as good a rest as you can

He goes full big brother mode, and we all know how he is when he’s focused on something

If he can’t stay up, or he has something to do, he asks Ortho to help you and cinnabun always agrees

He’s like Leona and doesn’t really make a big deal about your injuries, but will take care of them if they look bad or get worse

Probably the best person to have around when you sleepwalk since he’s always awake it seems-

Speaking of always awake-

He notices because he saw you in the act

Immediately wakes you up to make sure you were okay, but feels bad when you get so confused you actually seem a bit panicked

He asks Lilia the next day what he can do since he doesn’t like seeing you like that, and bat daddy explains that he should try to guide you back to bed gently instead

He tries that the next time and is relieved when he sees it works

Since he doesn’t sleep, he stays up all night watching you and making sure you don’t hurt yourself

He learns from Lilia that doing a routine to relax you before bed can help lessen the chance of you sleepwalking

He follows you around when you walk around and tries to guide you away from anything sharp or dangerous

He kisses any wounds you get, which become more rare when he’s watching over you all night

Genuinely feels really bad when he notices you still got hurt when in his care, so the kiss is both an apology and a well wishing that it heals quickly

*All Images are official art from Twisted Wonderland and do not belong to me. They are the Lab Coat Groovy card art

28 Years - Yandere!Silva x Reader (2nd Pregnancy)

Many have asked and now, here it is!!

Warnings; Dub-con, pregnancy, yandere relationship, manipulation, mention of past abuse, yandere, yandere behavior, yandere tendencies, nsfw, Silva extreme views, family bonding,

It had been a few years- close to six- but the scars of your emotional turmoil were still present in your behavior and actions. You would become distressed whenever Silva attempted to be intimate with you, only calming down when he would back off, giving you the space you needed. Sometimes he would and sometimes he wouldn't, but he generally had not lain a single hand on you with any intent to hurt or force you to do anything.

It seemed he might have learned from his egregious error of taking Illumi away from you and punishing you for running away from him. Now he was cautious and treated you like glass in his grip, still keeping you close as often as possible and readjusting you to his touch. Some progress has been made- you no longer flinched from his touch or sobbed when he held you- but you still reacted like you were being burned or tortured with any kind of intimacy.

Though he wouldn't admit it, Silva hated seeing your pained expression, listening to your frightened whimpers and cries, seeing your panic whenever he tried to pin you under him, and most of all he hated how you never seemed to enjoy intimacy with him anymore. Even when he had first kidnapped you, you would make such loud noises and moans of pleasure any time he touched you and now you just panicked and cried. He didn't think your rejection of his affection would impact him so deeply, but he honestly couldn't remain hard or cum when you cried in such a way whenever he took you.

He was unable to enjoy it if you didn't enjoy it.

He could be a patient man, but he also had burning needs that drew him into near feral insanity if he refused to indulge in them. Silva NEEDED you. He needed your touch, your affection, your intimacy, all of it. He had tried to ignore his needs more than once before and almost every time he was unable to last very long, aching with desire just to feel your touch against his skin.

Even if it meant you were striking him or cursing at him, he would feverishly accept your touch with absolute glee. He was so sick with how desperately he needed you. His only 'cure' to this aching need was indulgence in his addiction to you. He was addicted to everything you had to offer and to everything you did. Nothing other than you mattered to him because you were his world. You were his love, his light, his everything.

True to his assassin nature, he quietly entered the room, frowning upon seeing you curled up in your shared bed and slightly shivering from the cold his absence seemed to cause. He chose to wake you gently, massaging your shoulders and murmuring softly to you in a husky hum.

"(Y/n), wake up..."

"Ngh... Hm? Silva? What is it?"

"I want to try something with you."

He felt your body stiffen as you fully awoke due to his words, fear and anxiety shooting through you almost violently at the implications his words had. You could only muster a whimper and start shaking your head back and forth, not trusting your words to be enough to deny his advances. Still he persisted, arms snaking around your midsection and pulling your back up against a warm chest.

"Shh... Trust me."

"No... No. No! No no no no no no no no!"

You were thrashing like a wild animal at this point, clawing for freedom and screaming out as if in pain, biting him when you could as you tried to wrench yourself from his grasp. He continued to simply hold you close as you thrashed, wailing and fighting his grip with all you had. But even your energy had to die down at some point, panting and whining pathetically as you lay exhausted in his arms.

"It's alright. It's okay... See? You're okay."

"No..."

"Yes. Have I hurt you during all of this?"

"... No..."

"See? I just need you to trust me. It won't hurt and we can take this as slowly as you want."

"I don't want it..."

"You do. You just think you don't because you're scared. I hurt you. I have done you wrong and unknowingly enforced the idea of intimacy being a punishment. I should have shown restraint and should have never done what I did to make you run in the first place. Let me show you this is different. Let me show you it's okay."

"..."

Your whimpers quieted as you lay hyper aware of any movement Silva made, feeling one arm drag down your side and his hand come to a rest on your lower stomach. When you didn't immediately try to push him away, he continued to follow the soft curve of your body until his large hand was parting your thighs. He slid his hand into your sleep pants where he cupped your heat and gently kissed your shoulder, slowly beginning to rub light pressure over your sensitive body.

The softest of noises left you, some kind of mix between a whimper and a moan, uncertain if you were whining from fear or due to the gentle movements of your husband. When Silva added a bit more pressure to your warm heat, you expected a flash of pain to stab through you, instead a soothing sensation ran through your mind and compelled you to calm just a bit more. Your light moans seemed to be the only confirmation Silva needed to keep going, sliding his hand gently between your soft folds, fingers prodding at your wet entrance.

Your mewling moans turned into gasps of pleasure as you gripped his thick arm, pressing back against his warm chest and whining in bliss. The light feeling of his lips trailing over your neck made you whine and shiver, hips beginning to slowly move with his relaxed strokes. You could feel how much your responses were affecting him given the rock-hard length that pressed stiffly against your back, pulsing in desire and need.

He tugged at your loose sleep clothes, easily sliding them off of your body, leaving you bare against his broad chest. His hands were warm as they slid over your chilled flesh, letting the heat sink into your body and warm you to the core. It was clear he was taking great care to not cause you any level of pain, given his relaxed touch and gentle behavior.

You whimpered when he moved so you were laying face-down on the bed, your hips raised up and his muscled body over your own. The firmness that pressed against you made you mewl and turn your head to look at him in vague fear despite the slick that coated your thighs. It was clear you were still frightened and hesitant to the idea of intimacy with Silva after what he had done to you, but the large hands on your hips gave you little room to voice that fear.

"Shh... It's alright..."

He shifted above you and you were about to question what it was he was doing when an intense warmth met your pulsing pussy, gasping and gripping at the blankets as an obscene slurping sound met your ears. Silva lapped his tongue at your soaked heat, making you mewl and cry out against the blankets beneath you, arching your back as pleasure hummed through your entire body. You couldn't stop the moans that tumbled from your lips due to the mind-numbing bliss that sparked through your brain, balling up your fists as you tried to hold back the sounds.

"Fuck..! Fuck, it- it's so good..!"

You were practically drooling at that point from the pleasure that coiled itself tightly in your abdomen, your eyes clenching shut as you continued to whine loudly. Silva seemed to only be spurred on from your pleasured noises, sinking his tongue as deeply into you as he could, gripping your hips and moving you in time with his desperate licking. When you felt like you couldn't take it anymore, you let out a loud screech of bliss as that coil snapped and flooded your body with euphoria, shaking from the sheer force of the pleasure.

"There we go... Fuck, you look so good squirting for me like this."

A whine left your exhausted form as he slid two fingers into you, moving and scissoring them slowly to get your warm walls to loosen for him. You were able to just lean into your pillows, feeling the echos of pleasure building up inside of you once more as Silva slowly but surely worked you over. He continued with his slow movements, letting you move your hips back against his fingers and fucking yourself on them at the pace you wanted all while admiring the wonderful view he had of your blissed out expression.

When your hips began to slightly stutter and jerk at a faster pace, he pulled away from you, relishing the sound of your needy whine of disapproval. He didn't hesitate to lick his fingers clean of your slick, getting a few more slow strokes of his tongue on your soaked pussy before getting to the matter at hand. He lined himself up, only allowing the tip of his large cock to rub against your tight hole as he gently massaged your hips.

"Would you like more?"

"Ple-please! Yes- yes, please, Silva! I need- ngh- I need more!"

"Then go ahead and take more. Go as fast or as slowly as you wish. Take my cock into you."

Silva was actually slightly surprised at how you reacted to his words, almost trying to take him in too quickly as you pushed your hips back, letting him sink deeper into you. The sheer stretch of taking his entire length was enough to make your toes curl in pleasure, needing to pause for a moment just to try and adjust to the full feeling. Some part of him wondered if you were even fully aware of the grasp you had on his heart, the sole being that held all of his affections and attention.

"Silva..! Please..! I need you to move..!"

You were mewling under him, gripping the sheets tightly as you whimpered and tightly closed your eyes. It was clear that you were in need of some kind of release and he was the only one who could provide it for you.

He wouldn't deny your breathy pleas, at least.

Starting with a slow tempo that built up to a near impossible speed, the bed creaked and complained loudly beneath you due to his unrelenting thrusts. You were in mind-numbing bliss and truly didn't care about the absolute racket you were making as you practically screamed out your moans, letting the sculpted man move your body as he pleased. Silva was in a similar state, lost to the pleasure of hearing your sweet moans as he buried himself inside of you.

He had yearned for such a sound for quite a bit now and your rejection of his affection over the past few years had left him nearly starved for you. Truly, there was only so much he was able to take when it came to resisting his physical need for your touch, wanting desperately to just hold you and have you cry out for him. He was finally able to feel your tight walls milk his hot cock and listen to your breathy moans, seeing you writhe in pleasure from the large cock buried inside of you.

"Tell me how much you love it. Tell me how much you love me. Scream it for me."

"Ngh-! Silva! I- fuck- I love it..! So big..! So damn good! Please! Please I need more!"

Despite the fact you did not say everything he wanted to hear, Silva continue to rut into you with fast angled thrusts that made you practically see stars. His grip on your hips was tight, but you didn't register anything other than that thick length moving inside of you wildly. Even as your eyes rolled back, you couldn't help the whining moans that wrenched from your throat fiercely.

The moment that pressure growing within you broke, you wailed out in a near tortured moan while pleasure washed over you for what felt like ages. The hot ropes of cum filling up your soft stomach only seemed to prolong the pleasure that ran through your veins, as if time itself stood still around you. When Silva finally pulled out of you, you collapsed on the bed and panted heavily, feeling almost too full as you moved to a much more comfortable position.

Silva's large arms wrapped around you and pulled you close, letting you sink into the warm heat that radiated from his sculpted figure. It was truly as if the two of you were just basking in the presence of one another all while you slipped back off into sleep, content with the warm figure that held you so close. Silva took longer to just enjoy the moment after finally getting to embrace you once more without any fear getting in the way.

For now, it seems he had managed to mend the scars of his egregious error and had you content to be with him once more.

~~~~~~~~

You lay on your side, curled up on the tile floor of your shared bathroom, trying to get the queasy feeling to subside enough to move. You honestly couldn't remember a time where you felt half as unwell as you did at that moment, feeling tears sting your eyes as your throat burned with exhaustion. At that point, all you really wanted was to sleep, but with the current exhausted state your body was in, you had no way of reaching the comfort of your bed or the warm embrace of your blankets.

The quiet sound of your door opening drew what little you had left of your attention span, hardly able to lift your head all that far from the tile as you attempted to rouse your body into an upright position. Despite your efforts, it was clear there was no way you were going to be able to sit up and so you simply remained on the cold tile as you awaited whomever had entered the room. To your vague surprise it was not Silva who came through the door, it was Zeno and he honestly seemed as if he hadn't expected to find you in the state you were currently in.

With a surprising gentleness, the elder came to your side and rest the back of his hand on your forehead. He seemed to have some level of honest concern as he gazed down at your exhausted form splayed out on the tile.

"Shall I go retrieve that useless doctor of yours?"

"... Please..."

It took more effort than you had expected to huff out that one word, feeling oddly cared for and respected simply for the fact he asked what you wanted instead of acting of his own accord. Silva would have never done that. He would have taken one look at your unwell state and practically ran to retrieve your kind doctor to have you checked for any cause that may explain your current position.

It didn't take long for him to send out word to have your doctor come to your room before he was back by your side. Truly, if there ever were a time you felt honest appreciation for your father in law, it would be at that exact moment. He could have easily left you to suffer alone on the tile and instead not only sent for help, but returned to your side to wait with you.

"Is there anything you need at this moment?"

"..."

You tried to form some kind of sentence to respond to him, but you felt as if the energy had just been ripped out of you as your eyes began to slowly close. A sharp snapping sound brought your attention back to the man before you who now seemed to almost be more than just concerned.

"No sleeping. Not yet. Do your best to remain awake, Brat."

The faintest of smiles pulled at your lips when you heard that name that he only used for those he felt responsible for as well as those he cared for. Zeno was an assassin through and through and was a proud man at that, but he did have some kind of emotions that were reserved for family and close friends of the family. He was cold and to the point with almost everyone, but he was far more gruff and pushy with those he actually cared about given the way he has had to live on where his wife had died delivering Silva.

It was the only way he knew how to show affection.

"Where..?"

"Silva? Just left on a job this morning. A long job. It should take him at the least a month, if not longer. Of course you would choose now of all days to fall ill, Brat."

"Not.. dead yet..."

A low huff of amusement came from the older man as he sighed and sat next to you on the floor, keeping you constant company despite having no obligation to do so.

"I'm not telling Silva about this until he gets back. You know as well as I do that he would leave the job the moment he heard you were unwell. That fool loves you more than even he realizes."

His words, though harsh, made complete sense to you. Often you had thought that Silva was far more obsessed with you than anyone else realized, given how you were one of the very few who ever saw his true nature without the trained restraint and cold tone he almost always had. He was mentally unwell due to his upbringing and obsessed with you beyond reason, and he believed his actions were justified due to his familial heritage when it came to what they considered to be love.

Maha lived through it. Zeno's father died from it. Zeno lived through it. Silva will die from it.

An insane love that compelled them to do all they could to obtain and keep the object of their affections, even going as far as kidnapping and imprisonment. Silva's sickness is worse than theirs had been, and he is the only one that managed to keep his darling- you- alive. They understood and accepted the obsession he had with you and were content to keep you in Silva's arms as long as possible.

The door to your room opened with a loud creak before Kikyo made her way into the bathroom where you lay. It was clear she moved in a much more rushed pace when she saw you laying on the tile shivering, not even needing to be told to start checking you. She was being much more gentle and seemed to be far more expressive than usual as she examined you with great care.

"It seems to me you may be pregnant again."

You felt surprise run through your veins, but that surprise dulled down for a moment as you recounted what it was like when you were pregnant with Illumi. It certainly made sense, especially given all that happened up to that point.

"If she is pregnant again, I need to have a chat with Silva about keeping his damn hands off her child this time."

"Yes, sir. Shall I contact-"

"Tell him and I'll make you wish you never even considered it to begin with."

~~~~Three Months~~~~

You sat next to Zeno as you remained curled up nice and cozy in your heated blanket, sharing it with the elder who kept you company thus far in your pregnancy. Silva was expected to return any day now and you both knew the absolute fit he would throw the moment he learned what his father had been keeping from him. At least you had some peace and quiet without Silva around for a good bit, though part of you figured he would never accept another long job seeing as something important had been kept from him because of it.

Regardless, you were comfortable and starting to doze off when an unexpected question snapped you awake.

"That doctor of yours, she's the one who set you free after Silva took Illumi from you, isn't she?"

Your surprise must have been clear on your face as Zeno simply nodded, not taking his eyes away from the large television screen you two had been watching. He didn't seem particularly surprised at the answer to his question, nor did he seem all that angry either. It was almost like he knew the whole time but still wanted you to confirm it before he accepted it as truth.

"Please don't-"

"I won't tell Silva. I figured that was the case when you had somehow managed to get out. There would have been no way for you to do it on your own and the only person who had access to you outside of the family was her. To tell you the truth, part of me had actually hoped that you would manage to get away. To escape this place."

"... Why?"

"Because in many ways you remind me of my own wife. Often I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't caught her after she escaped. If I hadn't hurt her as Silva did to you... Perhaps she would still be here today."

You were surprised to hear all of this, having been too worried of upsetting Zeno to ask about the fate of his wife. It seemed she had been in the same boat you were currently in, but it had killed her where you had managed to survive. Before you could ask any more questions about the mysterious woman Zeno spoke so rarely of, the door swung open with a familiar level of force that made you jump slightly in response.

Silva was home.

There wasn't even enough time for you to welcome him back before you were being pulled up into his large arms, feeling his forehead against your shoulder as he pressed his face into the crook of your neck. His large hands easily cradled your body close to his own all while his lips roamed your soft skin feverishly. You were about to try and call out for him to stop for a moment before an old voice beat you to it.

"You can't fuck her, Silva."

"I can do what I wish with my wife, when I wish."

"Not while she's pregnant you can't."

All movement halted the moment Silva registered his father's words, tensing his entire body as he slowly came to terms with what he had been told. Silva moved rather slowly as he positioned you to be cradled in one of his large arms, his hand coming up to rest against your stomach which had already begun to swell up. He almost seemed to be in a trance while he stayed statue-still, sorting out both his thoughts and emotions on the realization.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Silva's voice was a deep and angered growl in his chest, sending shivers down your spine due to your proximity to the very man who could quite easily snap at any moment. Zeno seemed mostly unfazed by the aggressive growl and instead took to observing his sharp nails as if he were bored with the situation he found himself in. You really had to admire the old man's lack of fear while facing off with Silva, who you feared more than you cared to admit.

"Because you would have abandoned your job and that would be a terrible reflection on the Zoldyck family."

"She's been pregnant this whole time and you didn't damn well tell me?"

"Watch your tone, Brat. She's alive, isn't she?"

"How long have you known?"

"Since the very day you left. That morning was when she first began showing signs."

You felt the tension in Silva's body rise to near extreme levels, letting out a sharp cry as his grasp around your soft body tightened past the point of comfort. Your cry made Silva calm immediately and loosen his grasp so he no longer held you quite as tight. That cry seemed to have caused a temporary lapse in Silva's anger as he treated you with extreme care and gently set you back on the couch, giving you a quick once-over to check for any injuries he may have caused.

"Never again."

You looked up in confusion at Silva's lowly growled words, wondering just what he was talking about.

"I'll never leave you for that long again, I swear it."

~~~Six Months~~~

You lay in complete relaxation under your warm blanket, spooning a wonderfully soft pillow all while you dozed lightly on the couch. If anything, this pregnancy was far more... Relaxed... Than your first one had been. Silva seemed to be taking extra care to show nothing but the utmost affection towards you and your child during this whole ordeal and honestly it was doing wonders for you.

You still had that internal need to shield your stomach and your baby from the man who had caused all of this in the first place. This meant his caution around you and extra positive attention towards your unborn infant was all your brain needed to feel more secure in your fragile state even though such a dangerous man lurked nearby at all times. Silva got you anything you could possibly want the moment you brought it up regardless of what time it was or what he happened to be doing at the time you mentioned it.

Whatever food you wanted was immediately made and sent straight to you. If you wanted more blankets you need only shiver before countless blankets were being piled on top of you. Any vague sign of discomfort and Silva was immediately doing everything in his power to ease your troubles in whatever way he could.

You even got to see your first-born Illumi more than a few times as the young boy's presence soothed you immensely as did his sweet curiosity. Illumi may show little to no emotion, but what little he did show he only did so while near you. You could only smile at the memory of Illumi's large and curious eyes staring up at you questioningly while he rest his cheek against your swollen stomach.

"But how did it get in there?"

"Eh... I'll tell you when you're older, okay?"

"Okay. Hey, Mama?"

"Yes, Sweetheart?"

"I promise to take care of any little siblings I get to have."

"That's very sweet of you, Illumi, thank you, my darling."

"Anything for you, Mama."

Despite the odd behavior and almost frightening temper of your first-born, you felt more at ease than you had given the fact that you knew your son would always be on your side regardless of what may happen. Even with his cold demeanor, Illumi showed true affection for you and seemed rather insistent that you have nothing to worry about when it came to the future of your unborn child. At least you felt as if Silva learned his lesson to not take your children away from you too early as well as learning just what a positive impact your son has on you.

You were taking a rather wonderful and deep nap after getting to spend some time with Illumi and had recently awoken, content to just lay still and let yourself slowly wake up. The slow and gentle sound of footsteps drew your attention from hazy thoughts into sharp clarity, listening for whomever they belonged to. A large hand against your stomach almost made you tense up in fear, but the gentle way it lay against your skin kept you relaxed and calm.

"If you kill her, I will come for you next."

Cold jolted down your spine as you heard the low growled words against your stomach. Silva didn't often talk to your stomach or the life within unless it was to appease some request you made or to simply cheer you up. You were well aware that Silva would not handle your untimely demise in the slightest given just how distraught he would be at any idea of you being taken away from him.

You needed to keep your baby safe. But you felt like it was a near impossible task due to Silva hovering around you almost constantly. He certainly didn't take your condition lightly and considering how he received the news months after you did, you knew he refused to spend even an hour away from your side.

To some degree you appreciated the knowledge that nothing from outside of the estate could hurt you, but you also feared the fact that your husband took his 'protector' role rather seriously and could easily cause harm to you. He always said he wouldn't and yet you felt like you knew better, especially after your first several years with him. His lowly growled out words chilled you to your core and you only hoped that he would be in a much better mood once the child was safely out of you.

~~~~ 9 1/2 Months ~~~~

When the hell was it going to end!? You head read of some pregnancies lasting up to as long as a year, but you were getting more than a little tired and Silva's patience was near nonexistent.

"That rat is NOT allowed to keep you for so long. It's coming out today."

"Silva, for once would you just let me do things my way and decide what to do?"

"I am done waiting for it to come out on its own."

"What exactly do you plan to do?"

"Get the doctors to induce labor or just cut it out of you already."

"Would you just-"

You went cold and silent as a familiar feeling washed over you, feeling a slowly growing and rolling contraction beginning to tug at your insides. The panic in your expression seemed to tell him that something had happened and he immediately dropped the subject in favor of tending to you. You were barely aware of what seemed to be going on around you as another wave of dizziness washed over you along with a rather piercing contraction.

Silva stayed with you through it all, refusing to leave even as you were rushed into the delivery room. There was not one moment that passed that Silva wasn't letting you grip as tightly as you needed to his hand, speaking in a low rumble that he only reserved for rare moments of sensitivity.

Everything was primarily a blur to you, passing by in seconds that lasted hours and hours that lasted seconds. So when you finally heard that cry and a faint congratulations, you were already blacking out far too quickly to respond as your entire body achingly tried to reduce the tension in your over worked muscles.

Silva's heart rate jacked through the roof as you went limp in his arms, clearly something having gone wrong during delivery. The honest desperation in not only his actions, but in his very being seemed to leech out any other emotion, his eyes never leaving your face all while the doctor and nurses scrambled around you to do what they could. Silva had dealt with being alone while growing up and never wanted to experience it again, the simple idea of losing you causing the most blood-thirsty aura to spill from him.

If the sheer intimidation wasn't enough to get the medical staff working desperately, that cold glare Silva had locked them with sure as hell would be. There were no questions as to the nature of the consequences they face should they fail, the presence of the dangerous man only serving to add more stress unto the delivery room. The infant had been taken away somewhere quiet and safe so the doctor and nurses could focus on your suddenly poor condition, knowing that their only chance of survival was ensuring you survived.

Silva refused to move or leave or even look away from you before the doctor was able to say confidently that you would live. Even after that time came and passed as you were brought back to a stable condition, Silva had no intention to ever leave your side.

Thanks to the fact his father kept your condition a secret on favor of Silva completing a job, Silva refused to be away from you for any longer than a few days from then on. No more month long jobs that required him to leave you for large chunks of time, now he was committed to staying by your side as often as he possibly could. He adored you and honestly figured heirs weren't worth the risk of you dying, resolving to remove any pregnancy that may occur before you became aware of it.

Two was already too many for him. He didn't want to share you with anyone, but at least the two boys will keep his father off his back about continuing the family line.

He could deal with the brats, so long as everyone knew you were his. He adored you and kidnapped you just so he could get close to you, there's no way he would give you up for anything in the world. You were his world, and ue would protect you until the bitter end.