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laurensliminalspace · 6 months

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Building confidence with chronic illness and disability

What does it look like to be empowered and confident with a disability or chronic illness?

I’ve been pondering this lately as I find it’s easy to get into the mindset that when my health improves or if I fully recover, then I’ll finally feel confident, badass and empowered. And yes, that’s partly true. Having more energy and wellbeing definitely gives me a huge boost in my mood and sense of self efficacy. I also think it’s great to work on improving our health as much as possible.

However, what do we do in the mean time? What would it look like to be the best version of myself, right here with my current circumstances? I've been pondering this question recently, and wanted to explore it further.

Unfortunately, many of us get trapped in a downward spiral that feels out of our control. Feeling unwell saps our self esteem, and having to stop jobs, reduce social activities or limit hobbies can be very depressing. It’s a vicious circle that can be tough to escape. Financial and health struggles can create so much anxiety and stress, it can feel crippling not just physically, but mentally, too. It can feel shameful and embarrassing, and often we just want to hide and protect ourselves.

There can also be a lot of self-consciousness about our physical bodies and appearance. For example, many medications can make people put on weight, fatigue can cause dark circles under the eyes, and allergies can make people’s faces look puffy. Surgeries can also leave people with scars and it’s normal to wonder if people will find you attractive, especially in the dating scene.

However, the great thing about working on our health and confidence is that it can also be an upward spiral. Confidence can help motivate and empower us to improve our health and life situation, and in turn the increase in energy and health can boost our confidence. I’ve found that even improving my health by 5% or 10% can make a surprisingly dramatic difference in my overall quality of life. Every little bit counts!

Here is my advice, based on my life experience - in no particular order:

One: Escape the comparison trap.

Stop comparing to others, especially other able bodied people. Even comparing to others with the same condition can be highly problematic, as people have wildly varying symptoms, different levels of severity, as well as different levels of support and financial resources. Many people with the same outward symptoms also have a completely different root cause (or combination of root causes). Not to mention the treatments that work for some may not work for others at all. Some people find a silver bullet solution, but for most people, it’s more complex than just one thing.

Focus on yourself and stay in your lane. Concentrate on your personal achievements and look at how far you’ve come. Being able to walk for five minutes may mean nothing to the average person, but it may be a huge milestone for you. Don’t forget to celebrate your wins! Even the small ones. Also embrace the reality that the journey is going to be up and down. You’re going to have good days and bad days. Don’t let that discourage you from continuing.

Two: Self compassion and self acceptance.

Work on talking to yourself with more love, compassion and acceptance. Acceptance is really important because we need to come to terms with our reality, which is often incredibly frustrating and painful. This often involves a great deal of grief too. It’s okay to feel all the emotions, and hold space for them. I find journalling, therapy and EFT tapping really helpful in this process. I also really like parts work, and the concept of unblending, as it helps me gain perspective on difficult emotions and parts.

Know that it’s okay to feel the sadness and anger. It’s also okay to feel envious and jealous of people who are able bodied and have easier lives. It’s normal. Don’t add insult to injury by beating yourself up over totally normal emotions!! Society encourages us to repress and deny our shadow, but we need safe spaces to talk about the tough stuff.

Being disabled and chronically ill comes with a huge amount of stigma, and often trauma, too. Get the treatment you need for any trauma that’s holding you back and sapping your spirit. I recommend EMDR and somatic therapy, but there’s lots of other modalities out there too.

Three: Own it fully.

This is easier said than done, but when you’re disabled or chronically ill, it’s better to own it and speak about it as confidently as possible. I find this is especially relevant in social or dating situations. I try to be honest, open and frank about my lifestyle and limitations, rather than hiding it or pretending I don’t have any conditions. This is sometimes a tough line to walk as you don’t want to overshare or freak people out, but in general I prefer to be up front with people.

This also includes freely using mobility aids in public settings, social situations or going on dates. I’ve become very comfortable using a mobility scooter to get around, and often take a walking stick with me too. It takes time to get used to this, but the more you do it, the less self-conscious you’ll feel. Some people find it helps to decorate their mobility aids or get a walking stick that looks funky. Canes can be incorporated into a steampunk, dark academia or dapper aesthetic in a fun way! Find a way to own it and make it your own, in a way that suits your personality and style.

Another area that can be challenging is dealing with dietary limitations. Strict diets and allergies can be tricky, but again, it’s better just to own it. I don’t eat at restaurants, but I still go to restaurants and cafes with friends and enjoy hanging out. Yes, it’s a little awkward sometimes, but you have to push through it. The right people won’t care, and will value your presence more than anything else.

Four: Seek supportive connections, friends and community, whether online or off.

Find friends, groups and events that are supportive, uplifting and accessible. Don’t hang around people who judge you or drag you down. Even people who constantly insist on giving annoying unsolicited advice (like "just drink more water!") can drain your precious spoons.

I know this is so much easier said than done, because being disabled or chronically ill can bring with it a great deal of isolation. It’s natural to just hang on to whatever connections you have, and not want to let go or burn a bridge. So be kind to yourself if there’s some people you’re just not ready to let go of right now. But keep looking for better friends who are going to life you up and who fully accept and celebrate you as you are.

Never, ever assume you have to tolerate any abuse or mistreatment because you’re disabled or chronically ill. You are not a burden and never deserve to be treated badly.

The same goes for dates and partners. Don’t settle for people who are toxic, judgemental or just tolerate you – rather than fully accepting and loving you right now, for who you are. Also, find people who respect and cherish you as a person, not for what you can do for them or what you achieve. People who are very focused on things like class, money and status are usually best avoided where possible.

Five: Cultivate a sense of purpose in your life that’s bigger than you.

I find when I’m focused on my purpose and calling, it’s easier to be confident because I’m not so focused on what other people think of me. I recognise that I have a calling that’s a lot more important than that! Obviously, this is easier said than done, especially if you can no longer work – or have had to change jobs, or reduce your work hours. Even volunteering can be surprisingly difficult when you have health limitations.

But purpose, meaning and calling in life are much greater than what we do for money, or even our hobbies. Relationships are a core source of meaning and purpose for many people. Being creative and growing spiritually are also significant. I’ve written more about this in other blog posts, but I find this is a significant piece of building a sense of empowerment in difficult circumstances. Reflecting on your core values can be really powerful and inspiring.

I’d recommend doing an exercise where you select words or phrases that represent your core values in life.

Six: Don’t be afraid to have fun, explore and try new things, as much as you can!

I find singing and dancing at home to positive, empowering songs can really boost my mood and confidence. It can be hard to be as spontaneous and active as I would like, but I still try my best to engage in life to the fullest extent of my capabilities. Sometimes this means asking for help or using mobility aids to get to certain events. It can also mean more planning ahead when travelling.

I really love riding my escooter, as it gives me an adrenaline rush but isn’t too tiring. Think outside the box and be open to new experiences. Brene Brown talks about engaging in laughter, song and dance in her guidelines for wholehearted living, and I think it’s applicable here. Watching hilarious movies and having a laugh with friends can be so uplifting.

Finally, don’t discount celebrating your sexuality. Disabled people are often portrayed as non-sexual, but exploring dating and sex can be a lot of fun and very empowering.

Practical suggestions:

Explore journalling about – what does it mean to live my best and fullest life with my current limitations? What does being empowered and confident look like for me right now? Brainstorm whatever comes to mind.

If you’re feeling rejected or unworthy, put your hand on your heart or your belly, and send love to the parts of you that are holding these emotions. I find self compassion practice can be really powerful.

EFT tapping is a great tool for working through negative core beliefs, like “I’m a burden” or “I’m not enough”.

If people give you a compliment, take a screenshot or write it down and save it into a folder on your computer for whenever you feel down and need a pick me up.

Try writing down your strengths, good qualities and things you like about yourself.

Create a celebration jar where you write down anything you’re proud of or qualities your love about yourself on little bits of paper. Put them in the jar and you can open it whenever you need a reminder. Another option is putting a marble or stone in a jar whenever you do something you’re proud of.

Experiment with visualising yourself as your most confident, empowered self. You could go back to a past memory where you were feeling your best, or imagine yourself in the future. I find doing this while listening to music can be really uplifting.

Use positive affirmations, for example: My worth and value is based on who I am, not on my achievements. I am confident. I am powerful. I deserve to be treated well. If it feels a bit fake or forced, you could try asking yourself, “What if I felt confident?” and see what arises.

Further links and resources:

Chronic Illness and Confidence: How to Rebuild

Facing the World with Confidence and Chronic Illness

How to be Confident While Being Chronically Ill

#chronic illness #disabled #me #cfs #mecfs #spoonie #disability #illness #mental health #confidence #mindset #fibromyalgia #mcas #empower #empowering #empowerment

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transpoettryinghisbest · 2 years

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(this is a sequel to this fic. Trigger warnings are in the tags.)

“So how is he?”

“The doctor said he's doing well. The scarring has almost healed and he's responding well to his meds.” I hand her the doctor's report, but she just glances at it. “He should be back to normal in about two or three days?”

“That's great to hear.”

“Yeah. He didn't seem too happy, though. To see me, I mean. He kept asking about you.”

She chuckles. “He gets annoyed when I leave him there for long periods of time. I've told him I have a job to do, other things to attend to. I do appreciate you going to check on him. Thanks, Phoenix.”

“No problem, I'm always happy to help.”

“I should be able to visit him later this evening, if I can get all of this done.” She skims through documents on her desk. “Maya's still at her training. Remind me to call her later?”

“Will do. Is there anything else you need?”

“Charley's looking a bit dry.”

“On it, Chief.”

“I hope Diego wasn't too hard to deal with,” she says, as I'm filling up the watering can.

“Huh? No, it was fine.”

“His pain puts him in a bad mood sometimes.”

I guess I'd be grumpy if I was permanently in pain too. It's not something I want to think about.

“I think he just misses you,” I say. “He seemed almost worried about you.”

“He should worry about himself more. His recovery was going really well until that incident.” She sighs and rubs her forehead. “No, that didn't come out right.”

“Chief?”

“He saved my life and that's the thanks I give him? Victim shaming him for almost being murdered?”

I put the watering can down and walk up to her desk. “Are you okay?”

“Fine. Just tired. I've got…a lot going on.”

“Sounds like it.”

“I know the last thing Diego wants is to cause me stress, but he does. Even though it's not his fault. He's had so many health checkups, changes in medication, flare days… It's just a lot. But I feel like I can't complain, because the alternative would be that he didn't survive his coma at all. I hate to see him in pain, but I couldn't bear it if I couldn't see him at all.”

“He was in a coma for a really long time, right?”

“Five years. The doctors said it'd take a miracle for him to wake up.” She smiles. “But he's quite good at miracles.”

Diego Armando is one of the biggest names in law. I've seen him in court, and he's everything I aspire to be. The only person I admire more than him is Mia. But I have my own personal reason for that.

“He was poisoned, right?” I say. “Five years ago.”

“That's right. It feels so distant now.”

I swallow, not sure if I really want to ask what's praying on my mind. But I've been taught not to run from the truth.

“Mia? The one who poisoned him…was it Dahlia Hawthorne?”

That name sends a small reaction through her. Like a bad memory.

“I'm surprised it took you this long to figure it out,” she says.

“I…I think I always knew. It was too coincidental. But…after that trial, I didn't want to think about her anymore. I was… so hurt. And I had other things to focus on, a new career.”

“I certainly kept you busy.”

“Yeah. You…you always knew. That's why you took my case in the first place, right?”

“That's right. I promised him that I'd catch Dahlia for both of us. And I promised you that I'd get you the verdict you deserved. And I did.”

“Thanks.”

“What I wasn't expecting was for you to come back and ask me to mentor you.”

“Right. You didn't have to do that.”

“You were very convincing. Which is good because that's a big part of the job.”

“No, I mean…because of what I did. Because of Dahlia.”

I was so confused. Part of me still is. The idea that someone I thought I knew and loved could just…switch. I didn't want to believe it. But Mia forced me to. And honestly? I needed that force. There was no gentle way to tell me that I was dating a serial killer. I learnt the hard way, and I like to think I grew up and got stronger because of it.

“You didn't harbour any resentment against me for it?” I ask.

“At the time? Absolutely. You wouldn't believe how frustrating you were as a client. But I didn't blame you. Besides, people grow and change. I took you under my wing because I felt you deserved the chance. And because you looked like you needed a little guidance.”

“You've done a good job, Chief.”

“I like to think so.”

“What about Mr Armando? Does he know? About me?”

“He knows that Dahlia tried to frame you for Mr Swallow's murder. That's it. I might be the forgiving type, but Diego… Well I'd rather not risk some kind of awkward tension between the three of us. So your secret's safe with me.”

“Thanks, Chief. For everything.”

“Well if you want to thank me-” She pushes a pile of documents towards me. “You can help me out with these.”

“Sure.”

#I was wondering where phoenix fits into the Mia lives au #Turns out he plays therapist and does chores #ace attorney #phoenix wright #mia fey #ace attorney godot #fanfiction #prosecutor godot #ace attorney fanfiction #diego armando #tw coma #tw hospital #Tw scars #tw medicine #tw chronic pain

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babybluebex · 3 years

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laszlo kreizler nsfw alphabet

so yeah this... Happened. the zemo version is coming soon, stay tuned! (probably tomorrow morning bc a bitch is tired lmao)

(gif credit to @lindir)

A = Aftercare.

Laszlo is such an aftercare king. He’s checking on you in every way he can think of: asking you if you feel alright, maybe massaging your hips if he had you in a weird position, offering you dinner or wine, maybe even a hot bath, if you’d like (and the bath would have special perfumed oils he had sent from Paris because Laszlo is SUCH a self care whore, he’s got soaps and perfumes out the wazoo).

B = Body Part.

His favorite part of yours are your breasts. No questions, hands down. He likes using your breasts as a pillow at night— just settling himself between your legs and resting his head on your tits is a dream he indulges in frequently. He also really loves seeing you in the new French-style of dresses that have a lower neckline, and, if you wear one of those dresses to dinner without telling him beforehand, he’s as good as gone. He’s staring the whole time and can only manage simple sentences.

C = Cum.

I think Laszlo likes to cum inside you, but he also wouldn’t mind cumming on your tits. If you’re on your knees, sucking him off, he’ll pull himself out of your mouth and almost rip your blouse in his haste to set your tits free before his orgasm rips through him. He only chooses to cum inside you if he can’t cum on your tits (for example, if you’re having slow, kissy sex and he can’t bear to leave your wet heat).

D = Dirty Secret.

Laszlo. Loves. To. Be. Degraded. From a psychological standpoint, he understands that his desire to be brought down and ridiculed is born from some sort of childhood trauma that DEFINITELY involves his father, but he just can’t help himself from getting so ridiculously turned on when you call him a dog for humping your leg while you try to sleep. Bonus points if you use his title while you do it: “Just like a little bitch in heat, aren’t you, Doctor Kreizler? You’re so aroused, you can hardly handle yourself. Are you too dumb to touch your own cock? Do you need me to do it? Oh, Doctor, what a dumb little thing you are.”

E = Experience.

Even Daniel himself has said that Laszlo has like NO experience. Laszlo got ZERO bitches (which I find hard to believe but ok whatever you say, writers of The Alienist), so, the first time y’all have sex, he’s more likely than not losing his virginity (let’s not get into the debate of “virginity is a social construct” because a.) IT IS and b.) Laszlo would lecture for hours about this). HOWEVER, these things come naturally to him. He is just Good In Bed. He figures it out very quickly, so, while you make fun of him for going a little stupid when he’s aroused, he makes up for it by bruising your cervix and apologizing later.

F = Favourite Positions.

Laszlo loves that soft, slow, kissy sex, so he’s into whatever position makes it possible for him to be inside you and to kiss you at the same time. Missionary is a go to, but sometimes he’ll have you sit on his desk and kiss your neck as he hikes your skirts up and fucks you all slow and nice.

G = Goofy.

Hardly ever? Laszlo is pretty serious most of the time, and the only time we ever see him Not Serious in the show is when he’s wasted after John’s bachelor party in season 2. So, maybe y’all went to dinner at Delmonico’s, then a ball for members of high society, and he had a little too much champagne and schnapps. He’s not like giggling and all, but his cheeks are red and he’s smiling more than usual, and calling you sweet names “Oh, mein Kätzchen” and “Meine kleine Prinzessin”. That’s Laszlo’s version of goofy.

H = Hair.

OK, my train of thought here is: LOOK AT THIS MAN’S BEARD. HIS BEARD IS NICE AS SHIT. If he treats his facial hair that good— regular trims, the beard oils we all know he uses, even if it isn't strictly canon— then his downstairs hair is nice too. Definitely soft, if maybe a little wiry sometimes (but tbh whose isn’t), and it’s a nice little cropping at the base of his cock. He also has a thin happy trail up his soft tummy, and a good amount on his chest (as we see in the show lol that much is canon).

I = Intimacy.

Laszlo is ALL ABOUT intimacy. You’ll know he’s in a ~mood~ because you’ll ask what’s being served at Delmonico’s that night, and Laszlo is like “I thought we might stay in tonight. John gave me his grandmother’s recipe for chicken soup”. He’ll light candles and pour you wine and play nice music on his gramophone, and he’ll romance you throughout dinner with little hand touches and sly smiles, until he’s kneeling in front of you and slowly kissing up your leg.

J = Jack-Off.

Honestly, he hardly does it. Of course, I’m sure he did it A LOT before he met you, but now he doesn’t need to pleasure himself anymore. He’s got you to do that. The only exception is if he has to travel for work and you can’t go with him. Even then, he’ll hold off until he absolutely can’t stand it, and then he’ll like read a letter you sent him or look at a sketch that John did of you while he whacks off; sometimes, he’ll just hold your letter to his face, and the faint trace of your perfume is enough to do the job.

K = Kink.

He likes impact play a lot (and perhaps a little roleplay wrapped up in it). On the rare occasion that his fucking is anything but soft and lovely, he’s gonna be hitting your ass and the backs of your thighs as you cling to him while he rails you stupid. Laszlo would try to hit your cheek, but he feels too bad when you wince at the pain of it. Spanking your tits is good to him too. His favorite though (and here’s where the roleplay comes in), is caning your ass. He’ll bend you over the desk in his home office and pull your skirts up past your hips, and he’ll make you count the amount of times his thick wooden cane connects with your soft asscheeks. The roleplay is, more often than not, you were his assistant who did something wrong and needed to be punished. If you miss one or forget to thank him accordingly “Thank you, sir”, he’ll focus the next hit on your thighs.

L = Location.

Either the bed or his desk. Laszlo is a little older (I don’t think we ever get an explicit age? But if we say he’s the same age as Daniel, then he’s 40 to 42-ish) so he can’t do it against a wall or anywhere too crazy (not to mention his right arm can hardly support much weight, so if he needs to hold you up, it’s probably not gonna happen). The bed is a special time for you two because of his arm; he’ll hold himself up with his left arm and rest his hand on your hip or wherever to give himself at least a little leverage. But the desk is usually easier because you can sit, or you can bend over and he can grab your hip.

M = Motivation.

He loves you and wants to worship you. It’s truly as simple as that. He loves you and thinks that you’re the most beautiful creature he’s ever seen, and he wants to show his reverence for you by making love to you.

N = No.

He can’t get into the role of “daddy”, nor can he call you “mommy”. Childhood trauma aside, he will be goddamned if Sigmund fucking Freud is correct about his bullshit Oedipus complex or whatever, so he just eliminates that whole thing entirely.

O = Oral.

He’s very good at it. He’s just… His lips are soft and his beard is good, and he’s not afraid to get a little messy with it. He’ll eat you out until he absolutely has to come up for air, and he’ll have a little bit of your wetness clinging to his mustache, but then he’s right back in it. His medical degree is also put to good use here because he remembers his female anatomy and he’s locked onto your clit the entire time. The first time you ever squirted, it was because Laszlo was nipping at your clit and sucking your wet little hole and pressing his thick fingers into you, and it was A Lot To Process, but you squirted and Laszlo came in his pants instantly because he’s like “I didn’t think women could actually do that… I thought that was a thing that penny novels made up”

P = Pace.

Again, he’s a little older, so he doesn’t fuck like some wild boy. He takes his time with you, touching you and caressing you and kissing you, and his pace is the same way. He’s slow and gentle, but has the capacity to go faster and harder if you ask for it.

Q = Quickie.

Hates them. Never. Never ever ever. If he can’t properly romance you and take his time with you, then what’s the point??

R = Risk.

Surprisingly, Laszlo is a little schemer, and he loves running a risk. He’s already looked down upon by other society members, so what’s the harm in squeezing your ass at a party? PERHAPS it’s inappropriate to get caught in a dark corner with your hand down his trousers and him kissing your neck, but it’s easy to blame it on the alcohol.

S = Stamina.

Once more, he is firmly middle aged, so he can do one round— maybe two, if he’s feeling particularly frisky. Usually, though, one is more than enough for both of you.

T = Toy.

HAVE YALL SEEN SEX TOYS FROM THE 1890S?? SHITS ARE SCARY. Laszlo does not like toys, but he understands their need for existing, so he may not like them but he tolerates them. That being said, he likes to watch you use them. LIke, he’ll sit in a chair by the bed and request you “put on a good show”, and he’ll watch you fall apart, and he’ll only come and touch you if you beg and plead for him to.

U = Unfair.

Mhm, so, in Laszlo’s mind, sex and pleasure are not just a give and take, it’s a two way street. They can (and often need to) coexist. He doesn’t like to initiate something if you won’t be able to reciprocate, so he’s not too into teasing or things. At the aforementioned parties, he’ll only goose your ass if he knows you’re 100% down for it.

V = Volume.

He’s fairly quiet. His mouth is usually really close to your ear, and you’re the only one who gets to hear his pretty little noises. The loudest he’ll be is when he’s come home after traveling and it’s felt like ages since he’s made love to you, he’s gonna come inside you, and his little gasp and moan are louder than usual.

W = Wild Card.

He is down to be tied up. He doesn’t like to tie you up, but if he’s the one being restrained, he’s all over it. It’s nothing too intense, just using a ribbon for your hair to tie his left hand to the headboard, not super tight but enough to make his fingers a little tingly, but he loves it. He loves the switch of the dynamic, how he’s fully at your mercy and you can use him however you please; usually, you just suck him off and ride him, but the endless possibilities get him hard as soon as you pull out the ribbon.

X = X-Ray.

Laszlo has Big Dick Energy, so he has to have a big dick. The best example of this sort of energy is in the very first episode after he goes and interviews Wolf, and comes to speak to Teddy, and Teddy is like “you interviewed the suspect? On whose authority??” and laszlo is like “Mine” like OH HIS DICK IS BIG I KNOW IT. He’s got an above average length and girth, but we know our man likes to eat, so some of his weight goes to his dick, so it’s like,,, He’s got a fat cock, sorry, I don’t make the rules

Y = Yearning.

Constantly. Neverending. He’s at work and he’ll catch a glimpse of a pastel drawing that you commissioned from John for Laszlo’s birthday that sits in a frame on his desk, and his heart starts to hurt from missing you. When he comes home, he’ll embrace you and kiss you like he hasn’t seen you in years, and he’ll want to hear all about your day. You have your doctor so whipped for you, and it’s a different kind of whipped than being pussy whipped. He’s, like, feelings whipped.

Z = ZZZ.

He’s a sleepy little baby after you guys finish. His eyes will be a little heavy and sticky as he’s cleaning up and caring for you (and you definitely coo at him “Oh, Las, you’re so sleepy!”) but when you’re both back in bed, our little man is circling his arm around your waist and nuzzling his cheek into your shoulder. He’s so soft and affectionate, and he’s out like a light when you kiss his forehead and tell him you love him.

#laszlo kreizler #the alienist #laszlo kreizler smut #daniel bruhl x reader #daniel bruhl smut #daniel brühl x reader #daniel brühl smut #laszlo kreizler x reader #daniel bruhl #daniel brühl

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jade-parcels · 3 years

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The bunnies’ other jobs!

From my bunny cafe au

((I am so peeved :((( I had this all written out!! And I deleted it by accident!! Darnnnnn!!!))

Anon asked “You mentioned that some of the bunnies have day jobs so do they all have jobs outside the cafe or just a few?” (Something along these lines…again…I deleted it by accident 😔)

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Diluc/‘Angel’

After his father got bored with the wine industry, he passed the whole company off to Diluc on his 18th birthday in order to shift his focus to mining. Diluc found himself swamped with all kinds of business decisions while just barely being an adult. He expanded the company and hired some very trustworthy people to handle things for him so he could finish college

When the business was given to him, Diluc and Kaeya had an explosive fight over it. Kaeya felt like he deserved to have some say in what happens to the business, he’s still a part of the family! But Diluc refused to let him in on any decisions so Kaeya packed his bags and left (not before cussing him out in front of their father, staff and business partners). He was just in a silly, goofy mood. They’re fine now, not on the best terms but they do chat and meet up for lunch on occasion.

He is filthy rich, he couldn’t spend all of his all of his money if he tried, so he doesn’t really need the job at the cafe! Kaeya got him the job because he knew his brother was stuck in a weird, antisocial funk and needed some fun in his life

Diluc loves this job, he has a great time, but it isn’t his main job. His priority will always be the family business!! If he has to quit his job at the cafe, he would in a heartbeat

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Kaeya

Kaeya was going to go into the police academy but was scouted out by a modeling agency. They had seen him at Ragnvindr company events and thought ‘well damn’ so they gave him a pretty generous deal

Kaeya makes a good living off of modeling, the tips and paycheck from the cafe. He rakes in cash pretty quickly just cause he knows how to get it. That, and his dad sends him checks every other month as well. Kaeya thinks of it as ‘I’m sorry’ money. He isn’t wrong

He doesn’t travel much for modeling, which he doesn’t mind, so he kinda just hangs around the city with a lot of free time on his hands between photo shoots. That’s why he got this job at the cafe! It gives him something to do and it’s fun as hell ;)

Albedo

Bedo is one busy bunny. He finished college early and is getting his masters degree online. He works most days at the cafe and on the weekends, he tutors other college students in bio/chem/science related subjects

(He was actually Xiao’s tutor back when he was failing chemistry!! Xiao is very thankful for Albedo’s help!!)

His dream is to become a biochemist, he’s always been interested in cells and what makes up living beings. So having a career in that field would make him the happiest man alive

His mother and sister live outside the city in a more rural area so he spends a lot of time FaceTiming the two of them! Klee is always so excited to hear about Albedo’s experiments or the people he’s met while working in such a bustling, fun city :)

Zhongli

Zhongli is a simple man! He’s a bunny waiter and an artist

He creates intricate pieces based on folklore from different cultures, focusing mostly on dragons. His favorite medium is paint, he loves painting on glass and layering the panes in order to create a 3D piece

He sells his works to galleries, shops and anyone who wants them! As long as they appreciate the story behind the artwork. Sadly…He undersells his work. He could def be making more money but he just does not desire money or material goods the way others may

So he got his job at the cafe in order to help out his dear friend Ningguang, not for money, he only planned on working there for a month or two until she got more bunnies but…he ended up really loving the people he works with :’) he looks forward to working with them now and texts/calls them outside of work to meet up for lunch or bowling (such an old man thing to do omfg)

Dainsleif/‘Sweetie’

Dain was a bouncer at another bar before leaving to come to Celestia’s! He’s good friends with Beidou, they belong to the same motorcycle club so when she was talking to him about the lack of security at the cafe/bar, he stepped in to help out

Little did he know…he’d actually become a bunny…And like it

This is his full time job now, he doesn’t have another for the time being. While he is a bunny at the cafe, he still keeps an eye out for any threats to his coworkers and has access to the offices upstairs (Ningguang’s office and the security office)

When he isn’t waiting tables, he’s upstairs in a tank top and sweatpants keeping an eye on the security cameras and talking to the other security guards through their ear pieces

Ajax

Ajax is a student who doesn’t really have much time on his hands

He mows lawns in the summer and he’s quit his job as a cashier to come work at the cafe! He mostly works night shifts his cause he’s still going to school aaaaaand he’s on his college’s swim team! He’s about to graduate so he works close with his coach to help train the others on the team

He doesn’t really want his family knowing that he skips around in a skimpy bunny outfit and fucking customers most nights but I mean…They’re bound to find out if they see him in pictures people post

Xiao/‘Tofu’

Xiao is an art student!! He wants to be a tattoo artist :)

He’s already got one sleeve of tattoos, it’s unfinished but you can’t really tell just by looking. When he isn’t at the cafe, he’s either in class or shadowing Ganyu, his best friend and tattoo artist. Their art styles greatly differ, she focuses her craft on cutesy, colored tattoos, but she is skilled. And Xiao looks up to her

Xiao admires Zhongli too, they met at the cafe and when Zhongli found out Xiao wants to be a tattoo artist he told him that once he’s licensed, he wants to get a tattoo from him :’)

Baizhu/‘Honey’

Baizhu is a (mostly) full time pharmacist, hence why he isn’t usually at the cafe

He also has a niece, Qiqi, who he babysits often. He loves her very much so he has no problem watching her! Baizhu will even bring her to the pharmacy with him when he’s swamped with work. In the break room, he has a play kitchen, coloring books and a bunch of puzzles to keep Qiqi occupied while he works :)

When he’s not at work, he’s at home resting. He has chronic pain flare ups in his back and shoulders that can make life miserable :( he has plenty of good days that outweigh the bad! And as a pharmacist, he has access to any medicine he needs to make his life easier!

Dottore(Alain)/‘Doc’

Alain’s an oral surgeon who’s a little bit….too into his job

He isn’t phased by blood or gore so he’s easily able to conduct procedures that would make other squeamish. He’ll pull teeth, put in dental implants, remove rotten tissue, any of that without even flinching

Outside of that, he works at the cafe. He wears a mask in order to avoid being recognized even though at his job as a surgeon, he’s usually wearing a medical mask anyways. It’s just a precaution

This has nothing to do with his career but he used to be a tap dancer and actor so he’d join in on local theatre shows! He helped build sets when he wasn’t rehearsing. He doesn’t have time for that anymore (which kinda makes him sadddd) but he has all kinds of theatre playlists on his phone and in his car that he’ll sing along to

Scaramouche/‘Boss’

Scara’s job at the cafe is his main job! His side job is something you may not expect from such a grump

He works at an animal shelter! In fact, he brings cats home to train so they have an increased chance of being adopted. Someone is more likely to adopt a potty trained, socialized cat than a feral cat who doesn’t know what a litter box is. So Scara brings them to his apartment for some one-on-one socializing, training and cuddling

One time he offhandedly mentioned working at an animal shelter while he was working at the cafe and sure enough, three separate customers from the cafe came by to adopt!!! Only one actually took an animal home but he was still surprised that those people had listened to him and cared enough to come by

Scara is a jerk most of the time but when he’s at home…by himself…With a lil kitten sleeping in his lap while he plays games on his PC…Yeah, he softens up a bit

So as you can see, we have a very diverse group working at the cafe! They’ve all learned a lot from each other, come to appreciate each other’s friendship and come to help each other out when one of their coworkers is in need or upset.

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mimzy-writing-online · 3 years

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Hello. I had a question regarding your post about blind characters. I have a character in my WIP that must cover their eyes.. but it’s blind. He may need to tell people he is blind to explain why he covers his eyes though. I was wondering how I might write this character without offending. Thank you :)

I think I want to start by explaining the “covering blind eyes” trope and why it has become a harmful trope. I think understanding why it’s hurtful helps everyone learn how to handle it better.

I would guess that the “blind people wear sunglasses” trope comes from Hollywood for the specific reason of 1. wanting to signal to the audience that the character is obviously blind and 2. avoid breaking the suspension of disbelief by preventing the audience from catching the sighted actor look at visual stimuli (because disabled characters are almost always played by able actors).

But this changed the way the public expects to experience blindness. If watching a sighted actor wear sunglasses and say he’s blind is all the exposure to the blind community a person has had, that’s the only model of blindness they’ll recognize. If they meet a blind person in real life who doesn’t wear sunglasses, it’s going to break this built perception and cause an uncomfortable cognitive dissonance.

And then there is the common “cloudy-white blank gaze” that pops up in media. It stems from the fact that cataracts is the most common cause of blindness and the appearance of severe cataracts is a cloudy film in the eyes obscuring the iris and pupil. It can also alter what color a person’s eyes appears to be, making them appear paler and grey in the beginning and then as the cataract advances it becomes more yellow/brown and alters a person’s vision to appear more yellow tinted.

There are lots of other eye conditions that makes the eyes look visibly different. Albinism for instance affects the color and structure of the iris. Eyes might be congenitally misshapen. The muscles might be weak or not work and one or both eyes point significantly outward. Someone who was born blind and experienced no visual stimuli might also have weak muscles around their eyes because they never had a reason to focus their eyes on anything.

And unfortunately humans have the habit of feeling uncomfortable when they meet someone who looks very obviously different from the norm, whether that’s a personal style choice (hair color and style, tattoos, clothing choices) or something they can’t help (a visible disability, skin color, scars).

To the paragraph above, @gothhabiba replied with: “it's very weird & ahistorical to claim that racism or ableism are some kind of natural "human" trait.. like frankly it's apologia”

You’re right, I wasn’t thinking beyond that generalization or assumption.

Perhaps a better way to put it is: I was raised in a society where I was taught from childhood to think that there was only one kind of human being to be. White, cis, straight, abled, conservative. That’s a very western thing and that’s a thing I’m going to constantly be unlearning.

Racism and ableism and homophobia aren’t innate, that’s a western thing that was forced onto the rest of the world by colonialism. And because western media created this idea that the world is white, abled, cis, straight, and Christian-value leaning, it taught people to think that was the norm so that seeing someone different from that archetype would cause a cognitive dissonance, which causes discomfort.

And instead of working past that cognitive dissonance to learn more and realize there’s so much more to life than media taught you, society encourages you to ignore that cognitive dissonance by sticking your head in the sand-- or TV screen.

So combine these two tropes or common beliefs together and you get something a little dangerous: the idea that blind people cover their eyes because they look obviously different and they’re ashamed (or should be ashamed) of that.

And if you’re someone who’s just gone blind or who was born blind and you have little to no contact with the blind community, then this societal belief that you should be ashamed of how your eyes look becomes detrimental to your self-esteem and further builds internalized ableism.

I’ve lost count of the times I’ve read or watched a blind character cover their eyes with sunglasses because they were ashamed of how their eyes looked. And I distinctly remember a few times where a sighted friend of the character was trying to convince them to stop wearing sunglasses because there’s nothing wrong with looking different--which is true, but it plays into this fantasy of being the perfect abled ally who saves the blind character from being miserable.

In an ideal world, the character has no reason to believe looking different is a bad thing or diminishes their worth or makes people dislike them. And if they develop this belief, it’s more likely that someone more involved in the disabled community, most likely someone disabled themselves, will set them straight. Or that the character will learn to accept themselves on their own, looks included.

But there are some perfectly valid reasons for any blind person to wear sunglasses. They might have an interest in fashion and sunglasses complete the look they’re going for. They could want to protect their eyes from UV rays while they’re outside. They may experience light sensitivity and sunglasses reduces any discomfort or pain. Those are incredibly common reasons to wear sunglasses whether you’re sighted or blind.

But there are some more complicated situations.

In your words, your character must cover his eyes. You never specified why, so my primary guess is that he has some kind of power that is unpleasant or has devastating affects and the only way to prevent it is to keep his eyes covered. My primary guess stems from this post where an anon and I discussed a retelling of Medusa, a hypothetical blinding of oneself to avoid ever killing anyone ever again, and what I think I would do if I was in that scenario.

So how do you write a blind character who must cover their eyes and avoid some of the complications?

1. Your character must always have the ability to say “fuck off, it’s my business, I don’t have to tell you why I’m blind or why I cover my eyes.”

Most blind people really, really don’t want to get into the nitty-gritty of why they’re blind and how they feel about it and what it’s like being blind with a stranger they’ll never see again or a new acquaintance they don’t know well yet. You have exceptions to that rule where sure, educating the public about blindness is a thing you want to do and you’re committed to helping your community, but I still have days where I don’t want to talk about being blind or disclose my medical crap.

And if someone doesn’t respect their right to their privacy or pushes too much, the blind character is allowed to be angry, is allowed to tell them off and complain without anyone else in the situation vilifying them or saying they’re “overreacting” and “should have just disclosed private information because big deal or whatever.” If they are angry, that’s their right, and it’s not unreasonable, it doesn’t make them a bad person.

2. Your character should not be ashamed of being blind or of covering their eyes. It is a part of their life, they’re used to it by now, even if they weren’t in the beginning.

The shame and internalized ableism is something that should be written about, but that’s for an own-voices story with a blind author. I don’t think an abled person will ever be able to understand how much society expects you to hate yourself and your disability because “being disabled is a tragic thing that ruins your life” and how that does affect your mental health, self esteem, your relationships with others, your medical care, and what kind of accommodations you can get.

3. It wouldn’t hurt to have a few sarcastic lines in response to uncomfortable conversations.

Stranger: so what’s with the...

Blind Character: what’s with what?

S: the... you know

BC: you’re gonna have to be a bit more specific

S: Your eyes?

BC: They’re... eyes

S: but you’re...

BC: Blind?

S: uh...

BC: yeah, I’m blind. *walks away*

Or this conversation:

S: *to some other character* so why are his eyes covered?

(author’s note: which, honestly, that’s fucking rude. At least have the guts to ask me yourself)

BC: If I look anyone in the eye they instantly perish.

*awkward silence*

BC: instantly.

Friend: It’s truly tragic

BC: *melancholic* that’s how I lost my sister. *chokes up* She was so young

Or this conversation:

S: Why are you wearing that?

BC: It’s called fashion Karen!

Or this conversation:

S: are you like... blind?

BC: yes?? why wouldn’t I be?? Wait, are you sighted? Are you one of those sighted people? You poor thing! What caused you to gain your sight? Do you have a car? A bike? Were you born sighted? What’s it like to see color? Do you miss not having to see

God, I want a chance to try that last one. I haven’t interacted with a stranger in almost a year. One day...

4. Honestly, it’d also be cool if someone’s reaction to your character covering their eyes was like, “cool sunglasses,” or “cool *insert random character, even one you made up* cosplay,” (which is ten times funnier if this character is a notable figure in modern society like an actor who people might cosplay).

5. You know, if he’s covering his eyes with some kind of blindfold, he should totally have custom blindfolds for his moods. Like, I have a mask that says “suck it up buttercup” and another that says “not today” because sometimes that’s the mood. And sometimes the mood is one of my floral masks, and sometimes the mood is my cat mask.

So, just some thoughts. I hope that helps.

Edit: a commenter said: “op, unless i'm mistaken this kind of reads like anon meant the character ISN'T blind but lies about being blind to explain covering their eyes? it seems like they made a typo on the word "isn't"”

So my original response to the question was based on the assumption that the character is blind. However,

If the character is not blind, then do not under any circumstances have them lie and say they’re blind to escape a mild inconvenience.

It’s better to have the character actually explain the situation or straight up leave the conversation or invent a more ridiculous lie than to perpetuate the very real stereotype and misconception that there are people who fake being blind and therefore it’s okay to discriminate or harass them if you even suspect they’re faking.

Do not under any circumstances perpetuate that stereotype. Do not harass someone because you don’t think they’re blind enough.

#blind character #writeblr #writing community #disabled character #writing tropes #trope talk #blindness tropes #Anonymous

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datleggy · 3 years

Note

Totally random thought I had right as I am going to bed but ya know that show "I didn't know I was pregnant"? Buck would be on that show lol the boy is oblivious when it comes to his own body, so like I can perfectly picture him collapsing on the job one day wracked with pain, and then Hen is poking around his stomach where it hurts, her, Buck and Eddie packed into the back of the ambulance as Chim and Bobby drive to the hospital, and she gets out the stethoscope to try and listen for internal bleeding or anything but instead finds an infant heartrate and she's like "Buck, you're pregnant?" And he's like "uh, no? What the hell?" And then his water breaks and he tries to convince hen and Eddie that he had an accident bc even that would be a better alternative to suddenly figuring out he's about to have a baby???? What the fuck???? But Eddie holds his hand all the way through it and by the time they get to the hospital, Buck has a healthy newborn cradled against his chest, Eddie knelt beside him and alternating between kissing buck and the baby on the head, and observing the baby in disbelief. I can also picture Buck like, sobbing his sorry's to Eddie the entire time he's pushing, like "Eddie I swear I had no idea, if I had known, I would have told you!" And Eddie is just reassuring him the entire time like "don't worry about that now, Buck, just concentrate. No one is mad, okay? But you gotta focus on the- on the baby" and buck just sobs and nods and focuses on the delivery again. But for a good while Buck is in denial that any of this is happening and it takes a lot of convincing and encouragement from both hen and Eddie for him to start actively participating in his baby's birth. Anyways, random half asleep thought is finished sorry for the long ask hdshsjjsjdbsjsj

WELL SHIT ok so i actually love that show and i could see buck doing this lmao so i wrote a thing. also ignore all medical inaccuracies, this is my distraction from monday lmao let me have this wildly inept fic pls.

also just in case, it’s pretty brief, i think, but TW for talk of weight and weight gain

It's nearing the end of their shift now and Buck can almost hear his feet howling at him in pain. Today hadn't even really been all that busy, he thinks, annoyed at his own body's betrayal. He's not even thirty yet, but in the last couple of months he's felt as though he's aged about ten years.

He's put on a few pounds, which isn't too uncommon, sometimes Buck goes through stretches of time where he eats more carbs than he needs and works out less than he'd like and so a little tummy fat is to be expected.

It normally doesn't bother him, except that in the last maybe three months he hasn't felt like exercising much outside of work but he's eaten nearly everything in sight every night. He's up about fifteen pounds, which he wouldn't have even noticed, seeing that he does fluctuate at times anywhere between five to eight pounds over or under what he usually weighs, if it hadn't been for Chimney teasing him about putting down his third Krispy Kreme donut of the day and picking up a barbell earlier this morning.

Chim and Buck poke fun at each other all the time--it's a staple in their friendship and brother ship, in fact--and Buck had flipped him the bird, nothing new there. What had been new was the fact that he'd excused himself to the bathroom right after that and locked himself in a stall and bawled his eyes out as quietly as humanly possible.

Buck grimaces, embarrassed still, by the outburst, even if no one had been there to witness it. He still has no idea what the hell that had been about this morning.

Eddie notices the sour mood and pulls him in close. "Hey, you ok?"

Buck nods. "Yeah, just tired. Ready to go home--shit." Buck feels a shooting pain so intense his knees buckle and Eddie has to hold him upright to keep him from hitting the floor.

“Woah!” Eddie calls Bobby over, who’s closest, for help, “Buck? Buck, you with me? What’s wrong? What hurts?”

Buck just shakes his head and grits his teeth, the pain so debilitating he can hardly breathe much less speak.

The Captain is on his other side in an instant and together Eddie and Bobby help Buck towards the couch, where he collapses in a heap, throwing his head back and letting out an agonized whine. “What’s going on? Did he get hurt during one of the calls?” Bobby asks Eddie, frantic to help put a stop to this.

Eddie’s helpless, “Bobby I don’t know, one second we were talking about going home and the next he practically fell to the floor in pain.” he turns to face his husband, “Baby, I’m here, look at me, what’s the matter? What hurts?”

Buck’s face scrunches up and he finally exhales sharply, his grip on the couch cushions loosening, and he opens his eyes, wide like saucers, and says, “What the fuck was that?”

At this point Hen and Chim, as well as half the crew, have gathered around and Hen is quick to put on her doctors hat and try to sus out the problem. She makes Bobby step aside and Chimney hands her a stethoscope. “Buck, is it your stomach?” she asks, noticing the stiff way he’s holding himself around his midriff.

“I don’t--kinda? I don’t know. It was just like, this crazy wave of pain, almost like a cramp, but way worse.” he struggles to describe the feeling now that it’s more or less passed for the time being.

Hen had seen Buck wince when he’d been in the harness on the last call of the day, but he hadn’t said anything and she hadn’t thought too much about it until now. “Did you hurt yourself in the harness earlier? Maybe pulled something when we reeled you back up?” she asks, palpitating his stomach with her fingers, watching him almost retract from her touch.

“Maybe?” Buck shrugs uncomfortably, wincing when she hits a particularly sore spot.

Something about this feels familiar and strangely obvious, but Hen doesn’t understand why until she puts her stethoscope up to his belly to check for lack of bowel sounds, indicating maybe some internal bleeding or sorts.

Hen gasps out loud and sits up like she’s been smacked.

Eddie frowns. “What? What’s wrong? Is he gonna be ok?” He almost wants to snatch the damn stethoscope out of her ears and check for himself, his eyes darting between Hen and Buck nervously.

“Buck, you’re pregnant. And in labor, by the sounds of it.” Hen blurts out in disbelief.

“What.” Buck blinks at her, waiting for the other shoe to drop. This has to be a joke.

“I heard a heartbeat in there...” Hen informs them, still awed. “Buck, that was a contraction you just experienced.”

Eddie gapes at Hen and then at Buck. “You’re pregnant?”

Buck gapes right back at him. “No!” he denies, shaking his head incredulously. “That’s insane, I can’t be pregn--ah--” Buck leans forward in pain as another contraction begins. “Fuck.”

“Jesus, yeah, no you’re definitely pregnant,” Chim announces, “Your water just broke all over my favorite couch, bud. I’m getting the ambulance ready asap.” he says, before running to do just that, head reeling. He thinks about Maddie and when she gave birth to their daughter and how scared out of his mind he’d been and he sympathizes for Buck and Eddie, who up until now apparently hadn’t even realizes they were expecting...

Back at the lounge Buck continues to deny any of this is even happening. He whines into Eddie’s chest, “That’s pee, it has to be, because I’m not pregnant. There’s no way.” he lets out a pitiful whimper as another contraction begins and buries his face against his husband to hide the tears springing up in his eyes.

“Buck, son, we gotta get you to a hospital right now.” Bobby tries, running a soothing hand over the top of his head.

But Buck shakes his head no, shuddering out a sob. “M’not going.”

Eddie, overwhelmed, looks to Hen and Bobby for help.

“Buck, ambulance is ready to go, we need to move unless you wanna have this kid at the firehouse.” Hen grimaces. “I know you’re in pain and I know you’re confused and hurting, but we need to get you into that ambulance and now.”

Buck cries out when another contraction hits him and Hen gulps. “Your contractions are getting way too close together, we need to move.” she nods at her Captain and Eddie to help get Buck up and together the three of them manage to get Buck onto a gurney and into the waiting ambulance.

Bobby rides up front with Chimney, leaving Hen and Eddie to work in the back with Buck.

“Buck, you need to start getting ready to push, this baby’s coming.” Hen warns him, but Buck refuses.

“I can’t.” he sobs. “I didn’t--” he throws his head back, the pain lighting his nerves on fire. “I swear Eddie, I didn’t know. You gotta believe me.”

Eddie takes Bucks hand into his and brings it up to his lips. “I know baby, I know, you don’t have to worry about that. I promise. Nobody is mad at you, ok? I’m not. But right now you need to focus on pushing, you need to listen to Hen, ok? We’re ok, and you’re gonna be ok, but I need you to push, baby. I love you so much, you know that, right?”

Buck lets Eddie wipe away his tears, leans into the comforting touch, and nods shakily, exhaling. “O-ok, I’m--I’m ready.”

**************

The baby is so very tiny in Eddie’s arms.

Olive Buckley-Diaz is born weighing exactly six pounds and two ounces.

Christopher, who’s curled up against Bucks side on the hospital bed after a very exhausting day, looks up at his Buck, his little brow still knitted in confusion. “So she was a surprise baby? And that’s how come you guys didn’t tell me about her?”

Buck tries not to laugh. “Yeah bud, it was a huge surprise to us, too.”

Eddie nods along, smiling fondly down at the bundle he’s holding. Her blotchy red face is slack in sleep and there’s already tufts of brown hair sticking up funnily on her head under her hat. “I still can’t believe you only gained like fifteen pounds during the whole pregnancy.” Eddie chuckles, “Or that you worked through the nine months, God Buck, when I think of the stunts you pulled during calls in the last few months alone I’m--” he shudders. “Actually I’d rather not think about it.” he sighs, “I’m just happy you’re both healthy at the end of the day.”

Really, it’s a miracle. The doctor had said as much after the delivery.

“To be fair I never got any of the other symptoms,” Buck shrugs. “I wasn’t nauseous, my feet never swelled, I don’t remember any weird cravings? And you said it yourself, I didn’t really gain all that much weight.”

Eddie leans down to kiss Buck’s forehead. “You should be on that show.” he grins.

Buck tilts his head.

“You know the one, the one Hen made us watch when work was slow that one time. ‘I didn’t know I was pregnant’.” he teases.

Buck groans. “I regret all the jokes I made at the time. I totally get those people now. Pregnancy is weird.”

Christopher rests his head more comfortably against Bucks chest and smiles softly. “Yeah, but now our family’s even bigger.”

#mpreg #911 fox #i didn't know i was pregnant #i love that show #lol #ask #ficlet #writing #buddie #established relationship #buck #eddie #christopher #family

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going-dead · 3 years

Text

Phic Phight:Ghostly Inconvenience

Words:1672

@currentlylurking Team Human My First 2021 phic phight phic

Prompt from @Slyph-feather :Would love to see Danny dealing with some of the minor inconveniences/differences in being a ghost; slower heartbeat, sickly pallor, maybe not showing up correctly in photographs, etc... bonus points if this is like in the school setting (because I think that would be funny)

Danny thought he had all his ghost problems figured out, or at least was aware of all of them, at this point. Afterall he’s had his powers for almost a year now. He was wrong, oh was he wrong.

It was the first day of his sophomore year, no longer at the bottom of the high school food chain. He stood in line to get his picture taken for his school ID. Sam and Tucker had different classes for first period so they were off getting their pictures somewhere else. After a few minutes of board waiting it was his turn. Paulina skipped past him to get her ID and look at the picture she just took.

Danny told the photographer his name and she entered a few things into her computer before gesturing for him to stand in front of the camera. Danny tried to make a few last second adjustments to his hair. “Okay smile!” The camera woman called out as he was blinded by a flash of light.

Danny started walking over to the ID station but was stopped. “Oh hold on dear the photo came out pretty blurry I’ll have to retake it. It’s no big deal don’t worry you probably just moved too quickly after the flash went off, stay still after the picture is taken okay?”

Danny sighed but did what he was told. After another blinding flash and staying as still as possible Danny looked towards the woman. The camera woman bit her thumb staring at the computer in front of her. “Okay it still was blurry stay there I’m going to take a few at once one of them will turn out good.”

Danny was pretty sure at this point he was going to go blind as he blunk the spots out of his vision from the repeated flashes. Honestly this was getting pretty tiresome already. He walked up to the woman silently praying at least one picture turned out fine. She clicked through the photos face growing more and more confused with each one. “Uh is something wrong?” He asked.

She shook her head. “I’m not sure. Almost all of the photos turned out blurry and the ones that didn’t are weird.” She saw his questioning face. “You’ve heard of red eye right? What happens when you take a picture and sometimes the eyes of the people in the picture show up red? Well I can’t say I’ve seen this version of it in all my years of photography.” She turned the computer to face him more. On the screen it was a photo of him. The area around him was blurred, the only thing in focus was him, almost too in focus, and what really shocked him was his eyes in the photo. His eyes were glowing green in the picture, almost like when you took a picture of a cat in the dark.

Danny felt like a deer in headlights, what were the chances that she would make the connection of him not being human? The woman just shrugged. “Well it looks like we won’t be able to get a proper photo today. You can use your school photo from last year for your ID for now until retakes in a week.” He let out a sigh, it wasn’t too bad though he didn’t really look much different from the year before. At most he grew two inches. Though it was weird that it happened. He wondered if it was because of his ghostly half. He didn’t exactly take many or really any photos of himself. Danny walked over to the ID station to explain his situation and hoped that this wasn’t how the rest of the day would go.

During second period it was time for the sophomores to get their health checks done. Though most students were pretty sure it was mostly just an excuse for the local college’s medical students to get some more patient contact hours and hands on practice. This time he did share a class with his friends which was nice. Though it wasn't like they could go into an exam booth together. Calling them booths was a bit of a stretch though really they were just four curtains with equipment to take vitals and a chair inside. There were about a dozen or so lined up in the gym.

“Daniel Fenton come to booth five please.” A man called stepping out of one of the booths as he pulled a pair of gloves on.

Danny walked over to said booth and pulled the curtain shut behind him. The man motioned for him to sit down in the chair. Danny obliged and sat down he bounced his leg as he watched the man prepare the equipment. “Alright good morning Danny. I’m Josh, I'll be doing your check up today. It’s just a simple overview of your health no need to be nervous. All I’ll be doing is taking your vitals and checking your reflexes and the sort. Any questions?”

Danny shook his head. He was nervous though, he couldn’t help it. He had tried his best to avoid any type of medical setting ever since the accident. It would be the first time since then that someone actually took a close look at him. But it would probably be fine right? Not like he would be giving a blood sample here or anything.

It went fine at first as the man -Josh- checked his reflexes, checked his ears, eyes, nose, and mouth. He then affixed a blood pressure cuff to Danny’s arm and stuck a temperature probe in his mouth. Once the results appeared on the machines screen his head tilted a bit. “You usually run a bit cold? Hm your pulse is a bit slower than average than normal too.”

Danny silently cursed. “Uh yeah that's normal for me.”

“Well as long as it’s within your baseline there’s nothing really to worry about. I’m going to listen to your heart and lungs now okay? The stethoscope is a bit cold so be prepared.” Josh warned. When he started to listen to Danny’s heart he seemed at a loss again. “Give me one second okay? I’ll be right back.” He stood up and walked out through the curtain. Well that probably wasn't a good sign.

Josh returned a minute later with an older man in tow. “Danny, this is Dr. Bears he’s just going to double check something for me.”

Danny nodded his head giving the doctor an awkward smile. The doctor pulled out a stethoscope of his own and placed it over Danny’s chest. He seemed to listen for a few seconds before moving onto a different region. He gave a small grunt before motioning Josh over. “It’s faint but he does have a heartbeat.”

“Well I know that. He’s clearly alive, he's going to have a heartbeat Doc.”

Danny laughed awkwardly as he continued to watch the two interact. “Try listening again. You’ll probably have issues with the mitral and tricuspid regions though, even I could barely hear it.” The doctor motioned towards Danny before walking out of the booth.

A few minutes later a bunch of other medical students filled into the tent to try to listen to his heart beat. Danny wasn’t sure how he felt about being a case study for a bunch of med students but as long as they didn’t figure out his secret he wouldn’t worry about it too much.

By the time the bell rang to signal the end of the period half the college students there had listened to Danny’s chest. After emerging from the booth he was met with confused looks from his friends he waved them off promising to explain it to them later.

By the pattern that was emerging Danny was dreading third period. It was english with Mr. Lancer. After everyone took their seats Mr. Lancer stood in front of the class and clapped his hands to bring the classes attention to him. “Alright class I hope you all enjoyed your summer break. I have exciting news for this school year. Due to the grant given to our school we now have laptops for you all to use during class.”

The class broke out in whispers and Danny started to have a bit of hope for the rest of the day. Once the laptop cart was wheeled in and each was assigned and passed out to each student they were instructed to make accounts for them. The moment Danny turned the laptop on it gave him a shock. He let out a yelp and barely managed to restrain himself from knocking the thing off of his desk. He shook his hand trying to dispel the pain. He gave the laptop a hesitant poke, no shock. He started on his task of making an account, but was quickly interrupted by the screen glitching out. Danny groaned, occasionally electronics would bug out around him if he was in a particularly sour mood, of course it had to happen today. He waited for the screen to return to normal before trying to continue.

He just managed to get the account created when it gave him another shock. He yelled in shock once more. Immediately after the lights flickered and all the laptops in the room shut off and the one in front of him started to smoke. The whole class was staring at him and he shrunk under their gaze. They all had bigger problems though as his laptop caught fire and set off the fire alarms.

“Great Gatsby! Everyone out of the building now!” Mr. Lancer yelled ushering the teens out and leading them to the parking lot.

Once Mr. Lancer made sure they were all accounted for Sam elbowed Danny in the ribs. “Nice going Danny.” Danny just put his head in his hands and groaned while Tucker pat him on the back. Why couldn’t he just have a normal life? Or just a normal day for once in his half life.

#Phic Phight #phic phight 21 #danny phantom #team human

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fangirlinsweden · 3 years

Text

Stupid Super Soldier

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Warnings: Small amount of angst, blood, fluffy

Word Count: about 4000 words

Summary: A mission does not go according to plan, but it might not be a bad thing.

A/N: The inspiration for this is one of @lesbian-deadpool incorrect marvel quotes. This post to be more exact.

English is not my native language and I am doing the best I can when it comes to writing. Plus this is the first time I have ever written a story for Bucky, so please be kind.

And a big thanks to @firefly-graphics for sharing her fantastic dividers. I love them. And used one of them in this part.

What should have been a simple mission was quickly turning into a shitshow. Your job was to sneak into the base while the other occupied all the guards and steal all the information and then crash the computer system. Since you had the ability to make yourself invisible it usually fell on you to sneak in. Your friends were busy fighting around the base and you were looking around to find the computer room. When you found it and opened the door there were ten Hydra agents inside. Not what you had expected, but thankfully Steve and Bucky were right behind you, and you quickly moved to the side as the soldiers started to leave the room. One stayed behind and closed the door. You were on him in a second and quickly got him unconscious, Nat would be proud, you thought smug to yourself. Fishing out a USB drive from one of your pockets you downloaded all the information. When that was done you upload the virus that Peter, Tony and you had been working on, pocketed the USB and let the virus spread. You looked around the room feeling kind of cocky with how easy these things had gotten. You left the room and saw Bucky and Steve fight five Hydra agents, but figured they had it covered. Just as you were about to walk away you felt a premonition come over you. It was not a pleasant experience, but a new power that you been working with Dr Strange and Wanda to get a grip of. Still, they could come at any moment. What you saw was a man come around the corner at taking out Bucky with a headshot. Knowing that this would happen in a matter of seconds and it would kill Bucky you needed to come up with a solution. The corner that the man was going to come from was too far away and you did not have a clear line of shot. Your earpiece was not working. It left only one option. You started to run in Bucky’s direction and when the bullet came flying in Bucks direction you jumped in the air throwing yourself in the bullets way. At the same time, you fired three shots against the man who took the shot. When the bullet hit your shoulder the pain made it impossible for you to hold on to your invisibility. You scream out in pain and fall heavily to the floor. The last thought in your head before hitting the floor, maybe Hydra finally realised they were never going to get Bucky back. You heard your name being yelled, but it was kind of like you were underwater. You did not know where the sound came from. You tried to sit up when someone dropped down beside you and pressed a hand against your shoulder. The pain made you want to cry and it felt like it was blood everywhere. You could still hear fighting.

“I can’t believe you saved my life.” Bucky looked down at you. He must have realised what you did.

“You noticed that did you?” you tried to joke but ended up sounding more like a whimpering. “Well, I would NOT do it again, it really hurt!” you muttered and looked down on yourself and Bucky’s hands that were pressed against your wound. But the truth was you would. There was no doubt in your mind that you would do it again and again if it meant that Bucky would be alive. His life over yours was no question asked.

“Don’t you know getting shot hurts?” Bucky wondered and you shook your head.

“First time for me,” you answered with clenched teeth. You felt more dizzy then you though you would be, and it seemed as the blood kept oozing between Bucky’s fingers. Your back felt oddly sticky. Bucky and Steve shared a look, before Steve went out of sight.

“We need to get out of here,” Steve said somewhere close. “Y/N is shot and it’s bad.” He was talking in his earpiece since yours still weren’t working. You did not know what was being said on the other side of the conversation. Your head started to feel strange and you had problems keeping a single thought in your head.

“I am sorry, guys,” You got out. “But I don’t think I can walk.” Bucky looked at you like you were an idiot and it made you want to chuckle.

“I am just going to take a small nap,” you mumbled and it started to get black again,

“Damn it, Y/N” Steve commanded. “You need to stay awake.”

“Sorry, Captain,” you groan when you are picked up him. “Hate to disappoint you.” The last thing you remember was Steve’s slightly panicked expression and Bucky’s shouting for them to go as well as gunshots.

When you woke up you were in the quinjet with Bruce working on your shoulder. It hurt like hell, but at least you were alive. You heard voices around you, but it was hard to focus and your sight was slightly unfocused. You heard Bruce cuss under his breath.

“Don’t let the big guy out,” You muttered.

“Don’t worry,” Bruce said and you thought he might be giving you a small smile, but it was kind of hazy.

“Why won’t the bleeding stop?” you heard someone ask. You turned your head towards the voice but it was hard for you to focus. Was that Bucky looking so worried?

“The bullet must have nicked a major artery,” Bruce was working away on you and it hurt. You groaned in pain. “I can stop the bleeding, but she has lost a lot of blood.”

“Get this plane in the air now,” Bruce demanded. “And can I get some help?” Then the pain got too much and it all went dark again.

A lot of hours later you walked up in a hospital bed. Your shoulder hurt and Dr Cho was by your side.

“Hey there,” She smiles at you. “Good that you are awake.”

“Hey,” you say and look around. “What happened.”

“You got shot,” She answers and notes something down on her tablet.

“Yeah, I know that,” you try to sit up.

“The bullet hit your right subclavian and you were bleeding out,” she continued and you looked down at your hands. “Bruce got you stable on the quinjet and when you came in we fixed it and put you in the cradle. But you still have a severe blood loss and need to stay here for observation for a few days.”

“Is that why I feel so drowsy and sweaty,” You ask and Dr Cho nods. The door opened to your room.

“I need to talk to Y/N,” Steve wondered as he walked in.

“Fine,” Dr Cho said. “But no yelling. She needs to take it easy” Steve gave Dr Cho a short nod and turned to you. He walked over to stand by your bedside and crossed his arms over his chest. His face was set in Captain mood, but you knew he was angry with you. Or at least irritated.

“What were you thinking, Y/N?” Steve demanded to know. You should have known that question was coming

“Sorry Captain, but I got a vision of Bucky getting killed and I kind of figure you would rather see me shot than Bucky,” You tried to sit up in your bed, but Steve pressed a hand to your unharmed shoulder keeping you put in the bed.

“Bucky is a super soldier,” Steve groaned. “He would have healed and you don’t.”

“I did not know that super soldiers could survive headshots,” you sass back. “My vision showed me Bucky falling dead to the floor. I needed to do something.”

Steve sat down on the chair beside our bed.

“You saved his life,” Steve breathed out and you kind of squirmed in your bed. How were you going to answer that? There was a knock on the door.

“Are you finished going all Captain on her yet?” Sam asked in the doorway. Steve just nodded and Sam walked in with.

“You scared us,” Sam walked over to the other side of your bed than Steve was on. He bent down and gave you a kiss to your check.

“That was not my intention,” you looked up at Sam. He winked at you and looked over at Steve, who was looking at the wall. His expression was blank.

“Are you okay?” you asked Steve and he looked up at you. He nodded and then he gave you a big smile.

“Thank you, Y/N,” He said and took your hand in his. The door opened again. This time it was Bucky, Wanda, Nat and Clint. Bucky stopped in the end of your bed and looked from you to Steve and down on your connected hands. Then back at Steve. His jaw tightened and he looked kind of uncomfortable. It felt strange, but seeing as they all came bearing chocolate and flowers you ignored it. You talked for a while and everyone was joking about you finally getting shot. Then Dr Cho and Bruce came in and told them that you needed rest. They all left, but not without complaining that they could keep an eye on you while you sleep. You fell asleep fast and slept for more hours then you ever thought you had done before.

A few days later you meet Bucky in the hallway outside your hospital room. He had been in your room at least twice every day since the mission, but never alone. He always had Steve with him. Everyone of your teammates had been by keeping your spirit up, since you hated being on bed rest.

“Released already?” He tilted his head slightly. You had spent five days in the medical department so it did not seem as it was short. It felt like an eternity.

“Yes, the cradle and the rest did its magic ,” You smiled and together you started to walk away from there.

“Are you sure that you are fine?” Bucky asked when you were almost at the kitchen.

“Yeah, I am fine,” You smiled and pulled down your shirt a bit so Bucky could now see the smooth skin on your shoulder. Bucky put his arm around your shoulders. It made you feel safe and warm.

“I did never get the chance to thank you,” Bucky almost muttered out.

“For what?” You wondered and looked up at him.

“For saving my life,” He tightens the grip around you some. “But you know you did not need to do that to get Steve’s attention.” You stopped and frowned.

“What are you talking about,” you wondered. “I did not save you to get anyone’s attention. I would have done the same for any of our teammates.”

“Really?” Bucky huffed out.

“Of course,” You answered honestly trying to figure out what he was getting at. “I got the vision and saw you die.”

“So you would have done the same for whoever.” Bucky pressed and you nodded. “Yes.” Bucky narrowed his eyes and looked at you. Did he know your secret?

“But to circle around to Steve’s attention. Why would I want his attention?” you crossed your arms over your chest.

“I heard you and Nat talk before the mission,” Bucky looked down on the floor before looking up again. “About your feelings.” You knew exactly what conversation, not that you were going to tell him that.

“My feelings?” You wondered if maybe he did not hear the whole conversation.

“Yeah, the one you have on Steve,” Bucky clarified.

“I don’t have a crush on Steve,” You shrugged.

“You said that you were head over heels for that stupid super soldier that never noticed that you were right in front of him,” Bucky urged you on. You thought back to the conversation.

Nat had cornered you in the kitchen after a brutal workout where she had gotten a hit in on your face after your concentration had failed when Bucky and Steve had walked into the gym shirtless. Seeing the man you were in love with like that had thrown you off your game.

“Are you ever going to tell him how you feel?” She inquired and you almost choked on your water.

“Who?” you said trying to be clueless, but Nat only smirked.

“A certain super soldier,” Nat leans against the counter, not breaking eye contact. You sigh.

“Does everyone know” You wonder and Nat shakes her head.

“Arg,” you groan and lay your head on the counter. “Why does he have to be so good damn gorgeous? I mean those eyes, that smile and do not talk to me about that body. And it’s not just his looks, you know.” You look up at Nat, who been looking over your shoulder, but you did not think about that. “He is charming, smart and funny. He makes me laugh and feel things I have never felt before.” Nat nodded as to urge you on. “And don’t start with me with the way he walks. He commands the room when he is does his “murder walk” it’s so hot.” You could feel your face heat up so you take a sip from your water to cool down. “He is just to much and he would never go for someone like me when he could have who ever he wants.”

“Don’t sell yourself short,” Nat winks at you. “You are gorgeous and how can you know he will never want you if you never ask him.”

“Nat, what do you want me to do?” You take another sip of your water bottle. “He doesn’t even know I exist.”

“Of course he does,” Nat looks over your shoulder again, but you shrug.

“No, he does not. It’s not my fault that I am head over heels for that.. That stupid super soldier,” you almost whine. “That never notices that I am right in front of him.”

“Just go up to him and ask him out,” Nat puts a hand on your shoulder.

“And what,” you mumble. “Say: Hey I liked you for years now. It’s Valentine's Day soon, would you like to go on a date with me.”

“Yeah, exactly that,” Nat nods and smiles at you.

You shake your head to get that conversation out of your head.

“So?” You lifted a brow and at the same time realising that Nat it been Bucky Nat had seen over your shoulder during the conversation.

“You know that Steve sees you,” Bucky grumbled. “Just ask him out.”

“I am not in love with or have any kind of romantic feelings for Steve,” You almost growl.

“But you said..” Bucky started and you lifted your hand.

“Last time I checked there were more than one Super Soldier in the world,” You look up at Bucky and hoped he would finally understand. Bucky stared at you with an open mouth and big eyes, not saying a word.

“And he has as once again shown how stupid he really is,” you sigh and walk out of the room, not noticing that Steve, Nat and Sam sat at the counter in the kitchen clearly having to hear every word you had said. When you got to your room you leaned at the door hoping that Bucky would come knocking, but he did not. Taking it as a rejection you walked over to your bed and asked F.R.I.D.A.Y. to play one of your playlists before you walked over to the bed and layed down.

Bucky still stood in the hall trying to get his head around what he just heard.

“Did you blow a fuse?” Sam smirks when he looks around the corner. Bucky walked into the kitchen and saw his friends sitting there.

“Y/N is not in love with Steve,” Bucky whispers and Nat smirks.

“Did you really think she was?” Steve wonders and looks around the room.

“Not me,” Sam looks at Steve. “Did you?”

“No, not me,” Steve agrees and looks at Nat.

“Never thought she was,” Nat smirks.

“So when you had your conversation you knew that she was talking about me?” Bucky walked closer.

“Yep,” Nat nodded. “Known it for a while.” Bucky pulled out a chair and sat down.

“Why are you not walking after her?” Steve wondered. Bucky just looked at him.

“She is in love with me,” Bucky still had troubles getting it into his head.

“Yeah, and you are in love with her,” Steve sighs. “So what are you going to do about it?” Sam and Nat looked at Bucky. He looked at his friends and then he stood up. Then he sat down again. Sam shook his head.

“Do you know what day it is tomorrow?” Sam looked at Bucky.

“Sunday,” Bucky answered and Steve chuckled.

“It’s Valentine's Day, idiot,” Sam sassed. Bucky got a big smile on his face.

“I have an idea and could use some help,” Bucky stood up again. Nat, Sam and Steve nodded and Bucky told them about his plan.

The next morning there is a knock on your door. Thinking it is Nat who is there to check on you so you pull open the door without putting on a robe. You really should have covered up since it was Bucky that was outside your door. He looked at you dressed in one of his t-shirts that was falling slightly from one of your shoulders and your shorts that was just visible under the t-shirt. He swallowed loudly.

“Good morning, Y/N,” He greeted you with a hoarse voice.

“Good morning, Bucky,” You tugged on the t-shirt some to try and cover more of your legs, but instead it slipped down more of your shoulder. Bucky trusted a tray forward towards you and you looked down on it. It was a plate of red heart shaped waffles, a red rose in a vase, coffee and orange juice as well as a red envelope. You did not take the tray, instead, you picked up the envelope.

“Happy Valentines Day,” Bucky said and when you looked up at him you could almost see a blush on his face. You opened the envelope and pulled out a Valentines Day Card. It was a white card with red and hot pink heart balloons and under it simply stood ‘Happy Valentines Day’ and it made you smile. You opened it and the text inside was not what you had expected.

“Dear Y/N,

Thank you for saving my life the other day and sorry for not realising it was me you like. I just had these feelings for you since I met you and had never in a million years thought that I would ever have someone as amazing as you fall in love with me. You are not the only one that is head over heels. I love you. I love your laugh. I love your compassion. I love the way your eyes shine when you are singing and dancing around the kitchen cooking food. I love how you always make my days better only by being beside me. I love how you look at me and see Bucky and not my past.

I hope you will agree to be this stupid super soldier’s Valentine,

Love, Bucky”

You noticed that Bucky was shifting some so when you reread the card for the second time you took a hold of his hand and stood on your toes and pressed a kiss to his mouth, carefully so you did not mess up the tray. When you separated there was a big goofy smile on Bucky's lips and you figured that your face had a similar smile.

“I guess that means yes,” Bucky’s smile got cooky.

“Like I would have said anything else,” You nodded and took the tray from him.

“Be ready for our date at 6 this evening,” Bucky pressed a kiss to your lips and started to walk away. You stepped out of your room,

“Hey Bucky,” you yelled and he turned around with a big smile. “Thank you for breakfast.” you lifted the tray a bit when he nodded. He winked at you and walked away. You walked into your room and kicked the door shut. Carefully you placed the tray on your bed before you did a happy dance. Bucky loved you and wanted to go on a date with you. A laugh bubbled out of your mouth. To think that getting shot would be one of the best things that had ever happened to you.

At precisely six there was a knock on your door. Your heart did a double beat and you pressed your sweaty palms against your legs. The sight when you opened your door made you laugh, since you could not see Bucky at all. Instead the whole doorway was filled with a giant teddy bear and what seemed to be red roses.

“Hey, Doll,” You heard behind the bear. It made you giggle and the teddy bear was trusted forward. You took it and held it close. It smelled just like Bucky. You looked over the teddybear’s shoulder and saw Bucky standing there with the biggest grin on his beautiful lips.

“Hey, Bucky,” you smiled. In his hand was a big bouquet of red roses and a heart shaped box, that you figured contained chocolates. He went to hand you the roses and the heart shaped box, but your hands were full. You backed up and laid the bear on your bed. Bucky’s breath hitched when you turned around.

“Fuck, you look beautiful,” He almost whisper. It made you blush.

“You don’t look so bad yourself,” you smile as an answer.

“Yeah, I know I look pretty hot,” Bucky winks at you then he hands you the roses and the heart box.

“Thank you,” You smile. “You know you did not need to buy me all this.” Bucky shuffles a bit at.

“Sam and Steve said the same, but I wanted to make this a Valentine’s day you would not forget,” Bucky gave you a shy smile. You put the flowers and the box on the bed and turned to him.

“Since it’s with you,” You smiled at him and walked close to him, so close you could feel his breath on your lips. “I know I will not forget it, ever.” Then you pressed your lips against this and kissed him. He kissed you back and your legs got weak. He put his arms around you and pulled you even closer to his body. Your right arm went up to his hair and your left around his back. The kiss was interrupted by someone clearing their throat in the hallway. Bucky pulled back and looked to the side.

“Ready for dinner?” Bucky looked back at you. You nodded and bit your lip. He took your hand and you closed the door. Together you walked to the elevator and when Bucky pressed the button for going up he turned to you.

“Since our date was kind of last minute,” Bucky rubbed the back of his neck. “I kind of had to improvise.”

“Bucky,” you said and took a step closer to him. “As long as I spend the evening with you, I don't know where we are going or what we are doing.” Bucky smiled and pressed a kiss to your temple.

You rode the elevator to the top floor and you stepped out on the rooftop. The first thing you saw was a romantic table set for two with champagne, red roses and red napkins. Bucky took you over to it and pulled out the chair for you. Then he popped the champagne bottle and poured you each a glass. Peter came out from the shadows with two plates that he placed in front of you. And for the first time since you met him, he did not say a word, but you saw him wink at Bucky before he walked away. The meal and the conversation was incredible, not to mention just looking at Bucky the whole time. He made you laugh so you thought you were going to stop breathing a few times and you could honestly say you never had a better Valentine’s Day or date in your life. There was just something about Buck and the way he made you feel safe to be who you were. When the dinner was finished Bucky stood up and took your hand he turned out and that was when you noticed that he also had set up a complete movie theater with the projector and lights and all.

“I figured you might not say no to a movie,” Buck grinned at you and you nodded and dragged him to the soffa that was carried up to the rooftop for this. You dragged him down beside you and settled into his chest. You pulled back a bit and looked at him.

“I love you,” you smiled.

“Even if I am a Stupid Super Soldier,” Bucky teases you.

“Yeah,” You wink. “Because you are my Stupide Super Soldier,”

“That I am, Doll,” Bucky smiles and kisses you. “And you are my best girl.” It made you laugh. “Hell, yeah I am,” You agree and Bucky’s smile gets even bigger.

“I love you too, you know,” Bucky smiles and kisses you again. You look at each other and you lay your head on his chest again.

“So, what are we going to watch?” you ask and Bucky chuckles.

“Whatever you want,” Bucky replies.

“I don’t care as long as I am here with you,” You snuggle closer and Bucky puts on the first thing he finds on Netflix. All you could was that this was not how you thought your week would go since you got shot and how happy you were that things had turned out the way it did.

Everything taglist:

@buckysmischief

@allaboutthebooz

#Stupid Super Soldier #Bucky Barnes x Reader #Bucky x Reader #Marvel #Marvel Fanfiction #Avengers Fanfiction #MCU #Bucky Barnes One Shot #Bucky One Shot #Marvel One Shot #Avengers One Shot #Bucky Fanfiction #Bucky fanfic #Bucky Barnes Fanfiction #Buck Barnes Fanfic #Valentine's Day #Valentine's Day One Shot

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prepare4trouble · 3 years

Text

Vikings Fanfic - Fractured

I have been writing and rewriting this for a week now, I have to post it or I will drive myself crazy. I apologise for any inaccuracies, medical or otherwise. I know little enough about modern medicine, and even less about it back then. I do know that a splint can cause problems if it's too tight though, although I'm not entirely sure why I know that.

Summary - Hvitserk breaks an arm, and Ivar tries to give him some advice. Or maybe he's just trying to frighten him. It's difficult to be sure...

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The tonic that the healer had given him had been bitter, but it appeared to be helping. The pain was less insistent now, as though it were further away. His arm still ached, and the splint that had been strapped to the limb to keep it still as the bone healed was tight and uncomfortable.

Hvitserk tried to put it out of his mind. He lay back on his bed and allowed his eyes to close. The tonic was beginning to make him feel drowsy, and he embraced the feeling; he allowed his mind to drift until he was aware of little else but the warmth and comfort of his bed, and the ache in his left arm.

Somewhere on the very periphery of his awareness, he heard a door swing open. There was a slight, almost imperceptible change in the air, as cooler air from the outside followed somebody into the room. Irritated, Hvitserk forced his eyes to open, to see who had disturbed him. The door was indeed open, but there appeared to be nobody standing in the room.

So, it was Ivar.

He found that he lacked the energy to sit up in bed to see his brother as he crept into the room. Instead, he allowed his eyes to drift closed once again. “Not now, Ivar,” he muttered. His words came out slurred, either with exhaustion or because of the tonic that had robbed him of his strength. “Come back in the morning.”

As sleep dragged him down, he was vaguely aware of the bed dipping and moving next to him as his youngest brother pulled himself up from the floor onto the bed beside him. He got it; Ivar had broken a lot of bones in his fourteen years, and in all that time, none of his brothers had ever done the same. This would be a new experience for him. It certainly was for Hvitserk.

“Hvitserk… Time to wake up now,” Ivar told him in a sing-song voice. Rough fingertips tickled his face and ears in a pattern calculated to irritate, and Hvitserk batted them away with his good arm. He cracked open an eye, and was surprised to see that it was darker in the room than it had been a moment earlier. The oil lamp had burned dry, leaving only a few candles, almost burned out. Hvitserk stared at them in confusion.

“You were about to roll over onto your arm,” Ivar told him.

Hvitserk turned his head to look at his brother. Ivar’s face swam before his eyes as he tried to force them to focus. When the image was clear, he saw Ivar lying next to him, on his side. His head rested on a hand propped up on one elbow, and he had a vaguely amused look on his face.

“How long…” Hvitserk said. His voice croaked, and he stopped to clear his throat before trying again. “How long was I asleep?” It had clearly been longer than he had thought, because it felt as though he had closed his eyes only seconds earlier.

Ivar shrugged. “Hours. How should I know? The sun is up.”

That didn’t tell him much. At this time of year, the sun rose before the people. “Have you been here the whole time?” he asked.

“What whole time? I only arrived a few minutes ago. I have better things to do at night than watch you sleep, you know.”

Hvitserk knew what Ivar got up to at night, when he thought that nobody was watching. He would creep into the hall and sit in their father’s chair.

“How’s the arm?” Ivar asked him. “Does it hurt?”

Hvitserk considered the question. Until Ivar had asked, he had barely noticed it. Now that his brother had drawn his attention back to it, it was painful, and the splint was uncomfortable again. “It didn’t,” he said. “Until you woke me up.”

Ivar’s smile widened just slightly, but he winced in sympathy. Whether it was genuine or not, Hvitserk couldn’t tell. “You were stirring already,” Ivar told him. “And you were about to roll onto your injured arm. You wouldn’t have thanked me if I’d let that happen.”

Hvitserk closed his eyes, longing to return to the peace of slumber. “Why are you here?” he asked.

Ivar didn’t reply immediately. Placing his hands palms down on the bed, he pushed himself further up the bed until he was in a seated position, and leaned his back against the wall. “Can’t I check up on my brother? After all, you’ve never broken a bone before. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Well, I am. I’m fine,” Hvitserk assured him.

“I’m glad.” Ivar’s eyes wandered noticeably to the splint that had been strapped to his injured arm. “It’s good it’s your left,” he said. “Even if your arm is weaker after you heal, at least you hold your sword in your right.”

Hvitserk looked at his arm. “What do you mean ‘weaker’?”

Ivar rolled his eyes and waved a hand vaguely in the direction of his legs. “How do you think this happened?” he asked.

Hvitserk’s eyes widened. Of course he had known that his brother's legs had broken as he had been born, and he knew that was the reason that he could not walk; that his legs did not have the strength to hold him, and that they still, fourteen years later, caused him pain. He had just never considered that something similar could happen to…

A harsh laugh cut into his rapidly spiralling thoughts. His younger brother tapped a fist playfully into the shoulder of Hvitserk’s good arm and shook his head. “You should see your face right now, brother!” he told him. “You look so scared! You know I was a newborn baby at the time, don’t you? And that there were so many breaks in so many bones that nobody could possibly have fixed it.”

Hvitserk nodded. “I know.” He had known that, of course. He had seen Ivar’s legs, when he had been younger, before he had developed a self-consciousness about them that meant he felt the need to hide them from even the people closest to him.

“This is just one little break, Hvitserk.”

Hvitserk scowled. “You didn’t scare me,” he lied.

Ivar smirked knowingly. His expression slowly softened to something more neutral. “It’s partly true though,” he added. “I mean, how many things can you think of that are stronger after you break them and put them back together? A bone is no different.”

He had a point. One that Hvitserk didn’t want to think about. He went to fold his arms, but was stopped by the splint, and a sharp warning pain at the sudden movement. He placed the arm carefully back by his side, and set his lips into a defiant line. “I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

“Of course. So am I.” Ivar said. Without warning, he reached across Hvitserk, pressing one hand into the bed for balance, and grabbed a cup of water that had been left there for Hvitserk. He took a long drag. “You can move your fingers, right?” he asked.

Hvitserk glanced at his left hand. His fingers were slightly swollen from the injury further up his arm, and it looked as though they may be stiff, but they were not restrained by the splint that prevented movement in his wrist. “Yes,” he said. “But I’m not going to. It would hurt.”

“I don’t doubt it.” Ivar told him. He took another sip of Hvitserk’s water. “Try anyway.”

Hvitserk considered it. He wasn’t sure exactly what was happening here, but there was a good chance that Ivar was just messing with him, and he wasn’t in the mood to play. “No,” he said.

With his good hand, he grabbed the cup from Ivar, took a mouthful for himself, then placed it on the table next to his bed again. He pushed it a little further away. Out of his brother’s reach.

“If it helps, you could pretend I’m the healer come to check up on you,” Ivar suggested.

“But you’re not.”

“So? By now I probably know as much about broken bones as she does. Maybe more. I know what she’s going to ask you when she arrives, and I want to check it now, just in case.”

“In case of what?”

Ivar sighed. “Was this not explained to you, or were you already floating away on the healing tonic at the time?”

Honestly, he wasn’t sure. He had a vague memory of being asked to move his fingers, but he could not remember whether he had done it or not.

Ivar reached out slowly, and gently placed his hand on Hvitserk’s injured left. “It doesn’t feel cold,” he said. “That’s a good thing, by the way. Does it feel strange? Tingling, or numb?”

“No, of course not.”

“Can I try something?” Ivar asked him.

Hvitserk eyed him suspiciously. “It depends on what it is.”

Ivar affected a wounded expression. “I would never hurt one of my brothers.”

He sounded like he actually meant it, but Hvitserk wondered whether it was true. There had been times when he had seen Ivar look at Sigurd with pure hatred in his eyes.

Ivar reached a finger down into one of his gloves, and teased out a dried pine needle that looked as though it had been picked up from the forest floor. Without warning, he touched the sharp tip to the end of Hvitserk’s index finger. “Can you feel this?” he asked

“What are you doi…”

“Can you feel it? Ivar asked again. There was more urgency in his voice this time, and he pressed the point of the needle harder into the tip of the finger.

“Ow! Yes! Stop it! Of course I can. Why?”

Ivar appeared to relax. “Good. How about this?” he touched the needle, more gently now, to each of Hvitserk’s other fingers in turn. With each, he got the same result.

“Happy now?” Hvitserk asked him.

Ivar appeared to seriously consider the question. He nodded slowly. “Mostly. You still haven’t moved your fingers though. Not even when I almost put a hole in one of them.”

“Yeah, because it’ll hurt worse than your pine needle,” Hvitserk told him.

Ivar shook his head. “It won’t hurt,” he promised, then shrugged. “Well, it might, but not as much as you think. Trust me.”

“Why do you want me to do this so badly?” Hvitserk asked.

Ivar rubbed a hand wearily over his face. “Because sometimes the splint can do as much damage as the break.”

Hvitserk frowned. “What does that mean?”

“It means it could be hurting you without you knowing it, and if you don’t stop it, you might find that you can’t use your hand anymore.”

Hvitserk stared at Ivar, then down at his hand, then back up at Ivar again. “You’re messing with me again.”

Wordlessly, Ivar shook his head.

“But I thought you were just trying to scare me. You said it was just one little break.”

“It is. And I am trying to scare you.” Ivar admitted. “That doesn’t mean it’s a lie.”

Hvitserk looked at his arm. It was decidedly swollen. Strips of leather wrapped it tightly, far more tightly than they had the night before. Now, they bit into the flesh as as they held in place the hard pieces of wood that prevented any movement in his wrist.

His fingers felt fine, and when Ivar had touched them, it had felt exactly as it should. There was nothing wrong, he was sure of it. But yet… What if there was? He swallowed, and tried not to imagine learning how to fight with one hand; having to choose between sword and shield.

He looked up at his brother, hoping for another smirk and an admission that the whole thing was some kind of cruel joke, but Ivar looked completely serious.

“Don’t be a coward, Hvitserk,” Ivar told him.

He was right. Hvitserk offered up a silent plea for healing to Eir, then took a deep breath and did as Ivar had told him. To his relief, the fingers twitched, just a little.

His eyes flicked up to make contact with Ivar’s, and his brother grinned. He couldn’t be sure whether it was real or his imagination, but Ivar looked just as relieved as Hvitserk felt.

“Was that so hard?” his little brother chided him like a mother affectionately chastising an errant child. “If you’d just done that in the first place…”

“So that’s enough?” Hvitserk asked. After all, the fingers had not moved as much as he had intended them to move. His hand felt stiff from the swelling. “Does that mean…”

“It means you’re okay,” Ivar confirmed. “For now, anyway.”

Hvitserk leaned back heavily against the wall behind his bed, and exhaled a sigh of relief. “Thank the Gods.”

“Thank the Gods,” Ivar repeated. A hint of a smile played on his lips. “Just make sure you keep checking. As the healer no doubt told you yesterday.”

Hvitserk rolled his eyes. “Yes, mother.”

“After all,” Ivar added. “I don’t want a cripple for a brother. Who would?”

Hvitserk reached out with his good arm to playfully shove his little brother away, but Ivar preempted him and rolled out of reach. He smirked as he moved his legs over the edge of the bed.

“When the healer comes, try not to be as much of a baby, okay? It would be embarrassing for me.”

With that, Ivar slid down to the floor and headed for the door Hvitserk glared after him, not sure whether he should be angry with his brother, or grateful to him for the warning.

He carefully flexed the fingers of his left hand a second time, just to make sure, then reluctantly began to think about getting out of bed.

#vikings #vikings fanfiction #vikings fanfic #ivar the boneless #hvitserk ragnarsson #ivar ragnarsson

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trash0receptacle · 3 years

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Headcannon

Before that however: I’m sorry for not being active lately I’ve been very, stressed, busy, and tired. Since school started back my mood definitely declined a shit ton. With that being said writing is a way of coping for me so this is really just gonna be what I need today. If it helps you then that’s wonderful too.

Tw: Deppresion, Anxiety, and Anorexia

Paring: Lucifer x f/Mc

Also the way I right Luke is supposed to be taken platonically.

(Mc’s Pov)

Life had been shitty lately a lot more shitty than usual. I suppose it started when I heard some of the other succubi talking about me in on the way to class.

“She’s so lucky!”

“I know why does that bitch get to live with the brothers?”

“What do they even see in her?”

Sure I shouldn’t have taken the comments so personally but hell I take everything personally. So thats when my self doubt started forming roots in my mind again.

Before devildom I already had a lot of unresolved trauma and pain but the brothers really helped me. They were there for me when I needed them and made me feel wanted however after Belphie escaped the attic things went downhill for me mentally. The situation caused me a massive relapse and I began my destructive habits again. It went unnoticed for the most part mainly because they didn’t know the full scale of my past. All they knew is that I struggled and was medicated but nothing else. Perhaps Barbatos knew but he never said anything and I don’t believe he truly knew what went on inside my head either.

Now in the present moment I am contemplating what the succubi were saying about me. They’re right, “what did they see in me?” Surely it wasn’t my looks. I’m decently smart but I have no work ethic. The only thing I know I’m good at is being kind yet I’m a bitch half the time. So that’s when it came back to my body. The thing I’ve always hated about myself because I was never skinny enough, tall enough, pretty enough, curvy enough. I was never enough for someone to care about me.

I started skipping meals here and there. I still ate 2 out of three meals but I figured losing weight couldn’t hurt but then before I knew it I was lucky to even eat once a day. I was always good at making myself lose weight but not so drastically that you could tell I starved myself. For the most part I seemed healthy. However since I was going unchecked it kept getting worse. First my curves disappeared, then it was my hips sticking out, after that my cheeks began to sink, and finally my hair began coming out when I brushed it. I knew what I’d done but I couldn’t tell anyone because I didn’t want to hurt them and in the past asking for help only got me ridiculed or hurt.

“No one wants to here about your problems mc it makes us sad.”

“You wonder why I don’t like you!”

“You always beg for compliments!”

“Your fat anyway.”

Those words just kept circulating inside my mind and wouldn’t stop. I wanted to get better I really did but it was hard to force myself to eat. However I couldn’t rely on anyone else for fear of hurting them or them hurting me so I stayed silent. That was until my ddd pinged and I received a text from Lucifer.

Lucifer: Please come to my study mc.

Mc: Uh sure... is everything alright?

No response.

This is unlike Lucifer whats wrong? Is he mad at me? I guess I shouldn’t keep him waiting otherwise he will get mad. I got up and walked to his study inside the library. On the way I noticed the house of Lamenation was eerily quiet. There was no noise besides the sound of my feet walking through the hallways. When I arrived at the door to the study I was surprised to not only see Lucifer but everyone else?

Simeon resembled a worried parent, Luke seemed confused and angry, Diavolo was most serious I’d ever seen him, Barbatos stared at me with what I assume was pity, Solomon looked at me like I was a ghost. However the brothers appeared in worst shape. Mammon seemed on the verge of crying, Levi had guilt written over his face, Satan like Luke was angry angry, Amso was for once frowning, and Belphie and Beel looked disappointed. However I couldn’t read Lucifer’s expression but I could tell something was definitely off.

“Uh hey guys... what’s wrong you look like someone died or something?” I tried to laugh off the uneasy mood in the room but it was to no avail.

“Mc if you could sit down we have some things we must discuss with you.” Lucifer spoke solemnly

They had to have figured it out. Of course I knew this would come out eventually but it still felt like a stab to the heart none the less. I sat down not even listening to the others words. All my energy was focused into not breaking down in front of them but I’d stayed “strong” for too long and tears began to silently fall down my face. The talking stopped and I felt them all look at me which just made the tears fall harder. I felt my wall crumbling down as the final straw on the camels back was placed. I just cried for what felt like hours. Once I began to calm down I finally spoke in between sobs and breaths

“I-.... I’m so-...sorry.”

The room became silent once more. No of them knew how to respond to the broken girl infront of them

“I just didn’t want to burden you guys.... you have your own problems and don’t need to put up with mine” “nor would you want to” I mumbled the last part but I didn’t go unheard.

Luke got up and ran over to me enveloping me in a hug. He just stood there hugging me as if he didn’t I would fade away. I just hugged him back feeling slightly better by the angel’s hug.

Simeon was the first to speak

“Mc we aren’t angry at you. I think I speak for everyone when I say we are worried.”

A silent agreement was exchanged throughout the room.

Diavolo spoke next

“While Barbatos wouldn’t divulge all of what he knew for the sake of your privacy he warned me that you needed an intervention.”

I chuckled halfheartedly knowing my hypothesis was indeed correct.

“Well I figured it would come to this eventually.”

*time skip*

“Can I go back to my room now?” I whisper

I wasn’t really asking rather I just said it and got up to leave. The others stayed still likely digesting the information I’d given them. I felt ashamed and exposed. I hated seeing how much my words affected them and I really needed to be alone at the moment. Eventually I made it to my room. Walking in I closed the door and just cried.

(Lucifer’s Pov)

No one bothered to utter a word after Mc left and no one went after her either. Eventually my brothers excused themselves to go where, I’m not sure. I couldn’t tell if it was minutes or hours that passed but Solomon, Simeon, and Luke left saying they should head back to purgatory hall. Which left Barbatos, Diavolo, and I alone in the study. For the first time since I’d known the prince I couldn’t tell what was going through his head. Barbatos eventually composed himself however and turned to me.

“I believe My lord and I should make our way back to the palace..”

I just nodded in agreement as the pair left me alone with my own thoughts. I’d never seen that side of Mc before. Of course I knew somewhat of Mc’s history either from her file or her own account but clearly things had been left out.

I eventually got up and left to go to my room knowing I wouldn’t be able to focus on my work even if I wanted to. On the way there I passed by Mc’s room and noticed the light was on. I debated knocking or leaving her alone when a voice called out.

“If your gonna stand at my door like a creep you might as well come in.”

And so I did.

“Hey Lucifer...”

“How did you know it was me?”

“Foot steps. I can tell who’s in the hallway by how they walk.”

“I see then.”

The room’s atmosphere felt awkward as neither one of us bother or start conversation. So I simply sat down on the floor across from Mc, who had her head in her knees. (The fetal position) Eventually she brought her head up to wipe tears from her eyes and said with a broken laugh.

“I’m sorry you had to seem me like this. I look pathetic right now..”

“Mc why do you say these things about yourself?”

“Why not it’s how I view my self Lucifer. I’ve heard it from your mouth before”

“I’m just a mere human.”

I cringed at the memory knowing she were right of course.

“Mc I-“

“You don’t need to apologize or explain I understand I pissed you off then. It was just an example”

Wanting to change the topic of discussion I asked her a question.

“Why didn’t you come to any of us?”

“Denial...”

“Denial of what?”

“That it got out of control.”

“Is that all?”

“Not exactly...”

“Would you care to elaborate?”

“I- just please don’t get angry...”

I silently nodded my head as a watched Mc loosen up a bit.

“I think it might be my lack of trust towards really anyone.”

Mc started looking into space as she continued.

“I’m terrified of needing people or letting people help me. Part of it is when I have in the past I ended up hurt and alone. So I stopped I started being the one to help others.... then I needed help and I was cast out like a piece of trash. According to them I was selfish for needing affirmation and love. So that was when I decided I didn’t need that again.”

I sat silently contemplating her words.

“I’m truly sorry mc.”

“I would say it’s fine but it’s not. It hurts like hell but that’s life isn’t it? You learn to love and trust then you get your heart stomped out like a burning ember. The people you love leave you or die and you can’t do shit about it.”

“Wait what do you mean by die?”

“You know this sounds awful but you should be thankful Lilith didn’t suffer... sure it hurts that she’s gone but you are able to remember her before then since her “death” was quick. Painless.”

“I’ve had to watch the people who were my Lilith for lack of better terms die and suffer for months or years. I watched their bodies grow weak and feeble. However I was a child then and couldn’t do anything.”

I didn’t know how to respond so we sat in silence until

“Why’d you tell me this Mc?”

“Honestly I don’t know. Likely it’s because my body is physically exhausted and my filter was turned off.”

I noticed the tiredness Mc was trying to hide for the first time.

“You should sleep mc.”

“That’s ironic coming from you Lucifer.”

“I’m being serious mc.”

“What are you going to do? Mak-“

She didn’t get to finish her thought as I picked her up and carried her to my room. I knew she shouldn’t be left alone and I wanted to make sure she would be alright.

We arrived at my room and I deposited her on my bed. I sat in on of the chairs by the fire figuring she’d want the bed.

“Ok but why is your bed more comfortable than mine? Like sis you don’t sleep wtf!”

I just sighed knowing she was probably out of it but she was kinda of adorable when pouty.

Eventually she quieted down and her breathing became slower.

Mc’s POV:

“Mc you need to wake up”

“Five more minutes”

“Mc wake up!”

I felt the covers being ripped off. A dick move really.

“Ahh I’m up I’m up asshole!”

Wait why is Lucifer looking down at me? Why am I in his room? Shit I cussed him out. Well death never seemed that terrible

“Well if you’re awake now you need to come downstairs to eat breakfast. No, you can not object to this either.”

With that he left probably to go make sure the house isn’t on fire. I walked over to his bathroom and splashed water in my face to wake me up and noticed how emaciated I appeared.

Where my cheeks always so pronounced? Or when did my eyes start looking glassy and dark? I brushed it off not wanting to delve deeper into my insecurities. So I made my way to the dinning room. When I got there all conversation stopped and 7 pairs of eyes shot in my direction. I awkwardly made my way to the table and sat down.

I tried eating breakfast but it’s always been something I’ve never been able to stomach. I honestly never feel hungry when I wake up and it’s not like devildom food is exactly tasty. I was about to get up to leave when

“Mc you need to eat more.”

“Lucifer is right mc.”

“Ok...”

I sat back down and tried to eat what was on my plate but couldn’t so I sat there looking at it. I looked over to mammon’s plate and noticed how much food his had compared to mine and figured at least one of them knew it was a process to get me to eat again.

“I really can’t eat anymore otherwise I might be sick.” With no objections I got up and took my plate to the kitchen.

As I was washing it in the sink slowly some of the brothers came in aswell. First Asmo offered to take me shopping but I didn’t feel up to it. Then Satan asked if I wanted to go to the library again I didn’t exactly want people to see me like this so I declined. So levi offered we could play video games or something and I took him up on his offer.

He made sure I ate lunch that day which I honestly forget about sometimes. By the end of the day the other brothers excluding Amso, Satan, and Lucifer were all piled in Levi’s room.

Belphie was passed out in the bathtub of all places. Mammon was trying to impress me with his video game skills and Beel was munching on snacks behind us. It felt normal.

Eventually I got tired of it and decided to have some alone time. I was on my bed watching tik toks. (But fr tho I do have a problem with tik tok) Laughing at some etc when a knock was at my door.

“Come in”

I said this without looking up figuring it was beel looking for snacks or even Satan wanting to come in here and read. When I didn’t hear anything I looked back up from my phone surprised to see Lucifer standing there.

“Is something wrong?”

“No. I just heard laughing and was wondering is you were alright.”

“Oh yeah sorry about that I’m just watching stuff in my phone.”

“Would you mind if I joined you?” He smirked

Damn not that smirk. Stop blushing Mc you got this. It’s just Lucifer.

“Uh... sure...”

Damn that wasn’t smooth.

End. (Unless I am asked to make a part two)

So I’ve been working on this for a while because I’ve wanted to make something actually decent. I wanted to do a happy ending and remind you guys that you’re amazing. And no matter who you are you’re loved and remember that.

- Caroline

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crippledboyfriend · 3 years

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For the last two years I've been dedicated to the DNRS program to tackle my mobility issues. I am giving up and moving on to something new. I stopped getting déjà vu in the first few months and experienced some positive mental changes but most of all it has put me in the deepest depression I've ever felt. I'll share some gems that I did learn about being mindful and making your brain more neuro plastic so you can make new healthier brain pathways if your brain is stuck in flight or flight.

With your brain was stuck in flight or flight, you can feel constant pain and fear. The idea is that you shouldn't trust your emotions. Be calm and collected in any situation. I have taught myself not to panic and feel like I need to solve any problems immediately. Most everything I can get to on my own time without stressing myself out hurrying to fix it. I used to have a daily crisis but for the last year the only issue important enough that came up was an earthquake nearby where my old foreign exchange student lived. I was worried, dropped what I was doing to text her and killed all of my fears when I immediately got a text back from her that she was okay. Not being scared made the sense of doom I got when I would have déjà vu seem more manageable and the problem went away.

What you're supposed to keep your brain busy and focus on your other senses. Appreciating and imagining scents and tastes does seem to take up the space in my mind that can shut up anxious thoughts. I can find spicy food especially grounding. Sometimes if I focus too hard I'll find myself worrying while also focusing on a visualization and realize I'm not taking in anything that's going on whatever TV show I'm watching. But I have found a lot of little things to try to keep thinking about, like imagining the world around me in different art styles, counting the numbers of colors I see and putting names to the shades. I tried to keep a song stuck in my head at all times now and go through all the lyrics. Another thing the program suggests is to picture a color flowing through your body. I have allodynia so when being shook, tapped, or lightly touched I get muscle spasms, and sometimes I think visualizing a color helps. I keep that up while I'm in the car moving over potholes that trigger me.

The program teaches you how to elevate your mood. They encourage you to enjoy putting yourself in a Big Mood. Get pumped up like you're at an exciting game or you're watching one of your favorite anime openings. Try pretending you're drunk or on cocaine to get out of a funk. Pick out vibes you like and try to feel and enjoy them as long as you can. They suggest essentially making mood boards to keep your mind busy and inspired. I found on my own that if I am just thinking about whump I try to keep relaxed with it on my mind for as long as possible.

I also listened to Daniel Howells audiobook you will get through this night which is full of advice for being mindful and recommend you check it out. He says to try to comfort yourself imagining how you want someone to comfort you and he also said something about having thoughts and just letting them come and pass which really stuck with me.

Another aspect of the program is to acknowledge what you're thankful for as you visualize past memories. As I did this, I started seeing clear like black and white things that I'm thankful for versus things that I'm angry about. I didn't use to argue, and very soon after starting this program I began arguing every day, along with crying every day. I don't think I cried once in the whole year earlier. I talked with a coach who gave great advice to take issues I have and picture putting them away in a box that I can open whenever I'm ready and don't need to waste my time and energy thinking about them while I'm upset.

The DVDs that teach you how to implement the program into your life are filled with hours of the doctor Annie Hopper who created this program sobbing about how hard her life used to be but it's all worth it because now she can help other people since she learned how to fix herself with her medical expertise, yet she still charges $250 to get started. Don't hesitate to ask me questions if you are considering the program, and if you're already doing these exercises, I'll try to share advice with you and be someone to relate to.

#DNRS #spoonie #Mindfulness #Anxiety #Depression

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s-creations · 3 years

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In Sickness, In Health Chapter 6 - Getting Shots

Fandom: DuckTales 2017 / The Three Caballeros Rating: General Audience Relationships/Pairings: José Carioca/Donald Duck/Panchito Pistoles Additional Tags: getting sick, being cared for, mental health, injury, sore throat, common cold, chicken pox, broken bones, whooping cough, taking care of others.

Part of a Series Called: We’re the Three- Sorry, Six Caballeros!

If there was one thing that Louie absolutely hated, it was the doctors. Not just the professional person alone, not just the freezing cold office, everything associated with the medical field was just terrible. Sure, this wasn’t too much of a new revelation for any child to have this stance. But for Louie, it was a living nightmare.

It had been drilled into him how terrible his immune system was. How to never get messy, how the cold/flu season was almost a death sentence for him, and the slightest hint of a cough had Louie sent to the doctor’s office. It was often teased in the family that Louie had seen the doctor more than any adult, ever. One that the green cladded duckling grew tired of quickly.

But if asked what part he truly hated about every experience, it was the shots. Louie was sure he could recall every prick to the skin. No matter what Huey’s ‘research’ says about forming memories at a certain age.

It was the same thing when the dreaded time arrived. When he was younger, Louie would cry the entire time. Leading up to, getting it, and hours afterwards, he wailed so loudly. No one was able to calm him down. As if to ensure everyone was as absolutely miserable as he was. Rising in age, Louie would attempt to pull any stunt he could to get out of the appointment. Lying, bribing, even hiding away in hopes to miss the appointment. But nothing worked.

The days after were just as bad as getting the darn thing. Because the ‘entry point’ would always become bruised. Black, blue, yellow and absolutely nasty looking. The arm would also become sore, almost painful to move. Eventually getting so bad that the shot would have to be injected into the duckling’s non-dominant arm. Just so he could still do something while he was recovering.

Nothing made the experience better. His favorite meal didn’t help. Being pampered while he was recovering didn’t help. Bribes of his favorite treats, snacks, whatever could be offered didn’t help. All were at wit’s end on how they were supposed to reach a workable solution.

That was until José brought the situation up to his co-workers. Namely, the mother’s.

“Have you tried distracting him?” Amanda asked over breakfast.

“He is already in a negative mood to really pull his attention away. Even then, he already knows where we are going. I do not know what to do.”

“...What about video games?”

José raised a brow. “They are a bit young…”

“I gave my little girl a handheld video game. She loves it! And there are so many kid friendly games. I know you said Louie has a clever little mind. Very strategic. There’s a really famous game that involves battling with these little creatures.”

José scooted closer to look at Amanda’s phone. “It is very...colorful. And a lot of little creatures.”

“If you could, get him really involved with the game before you even put him in the car. He’ll be so focused on that game that he won’t even feel the prick.”

José wasn’t fully sold on it. He knew it was hard to pull Louie’s attention away from items he knew to keep it on. But the parrot knew better than to toss aside help. He ran it past his partners first. Donald was a little apprehensive, but had the same thought process as José. If it was a way to help Louie, what did they have to lose?

It was the night before the next appointment that the present was presented. The triplets were each given their own handheld game system and a single game. Each were so thrilled to receive new toys. Discussing what each game had to offer and what they had found in the version they were playing. They went to bed a few hours later. Excitedly whispering about what they would discover the next day.

“Not one mention of the appointment tomorrow.” Panchito whispered cheerfully once they were safely away from the room.

“The big hurdle will be getting him in the car tomorrow.” Donald argued.

The parrot gave a gentle nip to both of their necks. “Do not fret. I have an idea.”

The morning was filled with sugary cereal and more video games. Talk and overall atmosphere dropped quickly when José walked in, keys in hand. “Alright Louie, we need to get going.”

Louie was instantly pulled away from his game. “Going? Where are we going?”

“You have your appointment this morning.” Huey offered helpfully.

That caused Louie to turn a little pale, eyes widening. “...I don’t feel well.”

José gave a smile, gently placing a hand on the duckling’s shoulders. “They it is a good thing we are going to the doctor’s office.”

It was the easiest time to get Louie into the car. Possibly because he knows there’s no way to break from freedom. He stares out the window, strapped into the car and heading towards his doom.

“So, how has your game been?” José asked.

Louie twitched slightly at the question, looking at the electric device still in his hands. “Um...it’s fine.”

“Can you tell me about it? It looks complicated.”

The duckling started speaking softly at first. But eventually picked up volume and speed. José added his own questions to keep Louie going. When they arrived at the office, the nerves entered in Louie’s voice again. The parrot quickly caught this, easily picking the duckling up, continuing the conversation easily.

Louie was caught between fear and wanting to show his skills at his new game. He realized that he felt better and far less stressed when he was talking. So he pressed on. Happily jumping onto each question that José offered him. He gripped onto the parrot’s shirt as they checked in and waited to be called back. José easily understood that Louie didn’t want to be let go. The parrot kept the conversation going. That quickly came to the halt again when Louie’s name was called out. José easily moved them back towards the room.

They were in the final stretch now. Louie had instantly become quiet, staring ahead as they waited for the doctor to arrive. José did what he could to pull Louie back towards the conversation, only for the silence to stretch on. Which only became worse when the doctor walked in.

“Good morning Louie,” The doctor said with a smile. The duckling didn’t reply. “Don’t worry, we’ll make this quick.”

Still nothing.

José gave a sideways glance to the doctor. Who smiled and nodded. “So Louie, your uncle here told me you got a new game! Have to say, that series is my favorite as well.”

“Series? It’s a series?” That pulled Louie back out.

“Oh yeah, the first one came out when I was 10. That version was a lot different from where it is now. Did you know that the Ghost-Type moves actually counted as physical?”

“Wait, really, how? They’re ghosts!”

José said nothing, just watching as Louie and the doctor interacted. It was as Louie was discussing the craziness of how the original game play was done when he was given the shot. The duckling more focused on the extreme eye roll as the craziness than what the doctor was doing. Completely ignored by the duckling. Who had now turned the talk towards his favorite type.

“Alright, you’re good to go!” The doctor happily announced, placing a bandaid over the point.

“Wait, what?” Louie raised his arm before looking at José.

“Just remember to move your arms around. It will help!” the doctor continued on, “Make sure to set up your next appointment before you leave.”

Louie was still quietly looking up at José with awe as they left. Making no noise until they were on the road. “How did you do that?”

The parrot smiled. “Painful things become less so when you are not focused on it. And you tend to overly focus on things you do not like. We thought talking about something you really like will help you not panic. How does your arm feel?”

Louie instantly beamed. “It feels great!”

#donald duck #josé carioca #panchito pistoles #jose carioca/donald duck/panchito pistoles #The Three Caballeros #the three gay caballeros #s-creations #fanfiction #i almost forgot to post this today

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