Tumpik
#Depression
support · 8 years ago
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Everything okay?
If you or someone you know is struggling, you are not alone. There are many support services that are here to help. For 24/7 peer support and other resources, message KokoBot on Tumblr.
If you are in the United States, please try:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255) The Trevor Project (LGBTQ youth, ages 13-24) National Eating Disorders Association (online chat, text) RAINN (National Sexual Assault Hotline)
If you are outside the United States, visit IASP to find resources for your country.
For more resources, please visit our Counseling & Prevention Resources page for a list of services that may be able to help.
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reachoutusa · 7 years ago
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Support can make a huge difference when someone is hitting a rough patch. Why wait until then to let your friends know you'll be there? Take a stand for Mental Health Awareness and tag someone you care about to let them know you have their back. ‪
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365filmsbyauroranocte · 2 days ago
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Les passagers de la nuit (Mikhaël Hers, 2022)  
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ace-bestos · 17 hours ago
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I haven’t seen anyone make a post like this so here goes
this is a post for all severely depressed people who can’t channel their depression into anything “creative”, who have abandoned their hobbies for months or years because of the lack of energy and motivation, for those who keep rewatching old stuff over and over because getting into new things costs energy, for those who struggle having and keeping interests because the fog in the brain makes everything feel dull and nothing feels special. For everyone missing the pre-depression days of binging a show or obsessing over a video game or having it inspire you. It can be hard being on this website full of creative and passionate people (no shade) talking and sharing interests when you don’t even see the point of getting out of bed. All we can do is hope it’ll get better one day. Let’s not lose this hope. It will be okay, it has to. ❤️‍🩹
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youmatterlifeline · 9 years ago
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feral-ballad · 19 hours ago
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Safia Elhillo, from Girls That Never Die: Poems; “Memoir”
[Text ID: “Left alone I’d collapse for days into bed, exhausted but unable to sleep, feeling the ache of my fingernails growing long, my chemicals going sour. I only wanted sleep. I did not want to die.”]
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laestoica · 2 days ago
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thetrevorproject · 11 years ago
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chloekorzh · a day ago
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my edits
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randomreasonstolive · 2 days ago
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Reason to Live #8248
  To watch your favorite show and read your favorite book again! – Guest Submission
(Please don't add negative comments to these posts.)
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ohnoitstbskyen · 2 days ago
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So a bit of personal behind-the-scenes blogging here about YouTube sponsorships, doing creative writing for a job, workloads and stress and burnout.
I am never taking this many sponsorships ever again.
I don't know if there was something in the water in September or if a bunch of marketing budgets just needed to get burned, but at the end of August I started getting a lot more emails than usual from agencies that wanted to purchase sponsorship integrations. I'm sure there's some structural industry-side reason for this that I'm simply not privy to, but from my perspective it was just a flood of emails.
There were the usual ones, of course, the RAID: Shadow Legends sponsorship that I am getting very tired of turning down over and over again, a bit of crypto-nonsense and Play2Earn games which can go get f*d, and then a smattering of things that just kinda don't fit my channel or my audience, like a Chinese-run site doing online coding classes for people who want to emigrate and work in the PRC, or one of those semi-fraudulent "purchase a square foot of land in Scotland and become a Lord, technically!" which are, like, usually just a harmless novelty, but not really fit for my audience.
The way influencer marketing on YouTube works (at least at my level of micro-celebrity) is that companies will contract marketing agencies to run campaigns for them. The agencies bid against each other for contracts, promising to deliver maximum engagement at minimal cost. The company picks an agency and gives them a pile of money to spend on ad-buys. Agencies reach out to influencers en masse (usually through mailing lists and directories of channels above a certain size, listing their general content and likely audience profiles), and ask us how much we charge for a 30-60 second integration.
The marketing agency's objective is to make their budget deliver as many trackable metrics for their client as possible, usually in the form of signups, clicks, website traffic and so on. Some agencies will focus on advertising only with huge names that have massive reach, some will pick out a hundred smaller creators hoping to cast a wider net. Most agencies will do some mix of the two.
So, they email me like "how much for an integration?" and I... have to invent an answer. See, there isn't really a standard rate for any of this. How much is a view on my channel worth? How much return on investment does an ad on my channel generate? I'm just a person, I don't have a market research department, I don't have any education or training in evaluating the effectiveness of advertising. I make video essays about game characters and occasional anime.
The best resource for YouTubers on this subject is... each other. We basically just have to talk to one another, figure out what everyone is charging and try and derive a reasonable rate from that. There isn't a union or a guild, there are no associations or central resources (or even community resources) that set the standards or allow us some form of collective bargaining.
My problem is that most of the peers I talk to don't really do influencer marketing. They stick with ad revenue and Patreon/Twitch subscriptions, or just aren't on the radar of advertisers yet, so I'm flying this one kinda by the seat of my pants.
Ayway, returning to the subject. In September I get a lot more inquiries about sponsorship than usual, which puts me in the very unusual position of turning sponsors down not because their product is a bad fit, or a crypto scam, or RAID: Shadow Legends, but because I simply can't make enough videos fast enough to fill the "order."
I book Squarespace and Skillshare, which are reputable companies whose products I've used myself, which basically fills out my schedule, and then the offers keep coming. I should not have accepted as many as I did.
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I should say, I've never been poor. I come from a middle class family in a Scandinavian social democracy, there are safety nets under me that most people don't get to have, and I don't ever have to really be afraid of ending up on the street or starving. What I have been is broke. I used to make my living as a commission artist and cartoonist, and spent essentially a decade constantly, constantly dancing right on the very edge of being able to make rent each month. I was chasing a dream of building up a customer base to fund my independent comics work, and... it broke me a little bit. I came down with a very dark depression that I couldn't really deal with, and spent weeks and weeks pulling all-nighters chasing commissions and doing work trying to scratch money together.
YouTube happened entirely by accident, and for all that I've complained about the troubles that come with this work, might have genuinely saved my life a little bit.
I bring this up to say, ever since the YouTube gig started reliably paying my bills, I have had at least a couple of realizations per year of just how anxious and freaked out I still get about money. I still check my online bank obsessively, I still fret over keeping savings and paying bills, I still feel guilt over spending money on non-essentials.
And when I get too many sponsorship offers, I still feel like I should accept all of them, and pull whatever all-nighters it takes to fulfil them, even though I'm not 24 any more and when I tried to do it as a 24 year old it caused a depression that nearly made me suicidal.
Because what if these are the last sponsorships I'll ever get? What if the next sixth months are really bad months and I don't make as much in ad revenue? What if my videos lose steam and the audience moves on? What if everyone gets tired of me? What if someone copyright strikes my channel twelve times out of nowhere and kills it forever?
I haven't been broke in years now. I'm not a wealthy man, but I haven't been broke. I don't have a pension fund, but my bills are paid, and looking rationally at the statistics and analytics I have access to, there is literally no reason to believe it'll all go "poof!" and be gone overnight.
And yet, I feel so guilty about not taking every sponsorship I can ethically take. I feel so guilty about not hoarding money, building savings, protecting myself, "being responsible." And I feel so afraid of that unnamed catastrophe lurking just around the corner, where I'll be punished for my hubris to think that I was ever safe, and thrown right back into that fearful scramble. Right back into that depression.
It's a sticky fear. You scrub and scrub and scrub, and the stain of it just won't come out.
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I took too many sponsorships in the latter half of this year. This is a champagne problem, there are creatives I know who would kill to get sponsorships at all, and I'm not trying to fish for too much sympathy here. "Oh no, too many people wanted to give you money to read 60 second ads, boo hoo YouTube man, how sad for you" is, like, a valid response to this. I'm not exactly being ground down by the Amazon Fulfilment Center over here. It's not a cry for help, or a plea for support, it's just a blog.
But I took too many sponsorships. I clogged my schedule, and committed myself to a lot of work, and... every other part of my life suffered. I found it harder and harder to spend time with my family, because the next deadline was always on my mind. That knowledge that taking time to do anything else inevitably means a harder rush to finish the work, it means more stress and less space to think, less space to do good work.
Because that's the other anxiety, of course. Having taken these sponsorships, I now feel pretty intensely that I need to make videos that are good enough that my audience doesn't feel taken advantage of, that they feel that the content I put behind the ad was worth the time they took to sit through it. Sponsored videos need to be better, they need to have higher production quality, better scripts, better editing.
So how do you justify taking time to do anything else?
I spent less time with my family, I became less and less able to keep the apartment clean, less and less able to cook, less and less able to even spend time socializing and doing enrichment for my pet rats, which they need for their mental health. And I started to feel the familiar sensation of burnout eating me up from the chest outwards.
I had started taking piano lessons at the local community center, something I've wanted to do for myself for a decade. And I had to cancel those lessons over and over again, and usually last minute, because work just got in the way. Last week I told my teacher that I simply wouldn't be able to make it to them anymore, to cancel the whole thing. And that knocked the wind out of me more than I thought, honestly. That was something I had been so excited to finally do for myself, and it just got bled out in front of me by the workload I couldn't get myself to say no to.
I've dealt with burnout many times before. I know what it is, I know how to recover from it. But I have never learned to stop inflicting it on myself. I am a workaholic, I am addicted to the stress of this sh**, not because I find it pleasurable, but because for ten years the satisfaction of finishing a piece of work and securing the paycheck was the only sense of real relief and catharsis I ever got to feel from my anxiety, and I don't know how to stop chasing that high. When I'm stressed, when I'm anxious, when I'm feeling unsure or unmoored, the only response I know is to drown myself in work. Energy drinks and junk food and too little sleep. I don't have any other real coping mechanisms.
It'll take... a while to fix those things, I think. It's not happening right now. But I am promising myself this, at least: I am never taking this many sponsorships ever again.
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fuckit-imstarving · 2 days ago
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Not eating, purging, not sleeping enough or too much, smoking wayy to much weed and being mentally insane has mAybE something to do with the fact that Im always tired.
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yelenabemylova · 2 days ago
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Us Against the World - Natasha Romanoff x Reader
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summary: natasha comforts you through some hard times
Staring at the ceiling blankly, you lost track of time. Seconds turned to minutes which turned to hours before suddenly the sun had set and Natasha had returned home from work.
"Hey, detka. How was your day?" she asked you, taking her rings off and placing them on the bedside table.
"Malyshka?" her soft hand caressed your cheek, attempting to bring you back to reality.
Your eyes locked with hers, grounding you before she kissed your nose gently, her forehead resting against yours.
She intertwined her fingers with yours, "do you want to talk about what's bothering you?"
Shaking your head, she nodded in understanding before laying down next to you, putting an earphone in your ear with the playlist she made for you on shuffle.
For a while, you both basked in the comfortable silence only filled with your favourite songs before you looked up at her with tears in your eyes.
"Oh, detka, it's okay," she held you closer to her as your body trembled and sobs escaped your throat.
"Do you ever feel," you began to speak, sniffling midway through your sentence, "like the whole world is against you sometimes?"
This shattered Natasha's heart, she hated the idea of you feeling so upset. Gently, she held your face in her hands, kissing your forehead as a few tears of her own slipped down her cheeks, "I promise that even when you feel like that, I will always be here to reassure you of how much I love you."
"Thank you, Tasha," you smiled ever so slightly at her words, causing her heart to flutter at her favourite sight.
She held your hand tightly, guiding you out of bed and downstairs to the kitchen.
Wanda stood at the stove, stirring pasta as she hummed along to the quiet music she had playing.
"You guys are just in time, this recipe was my mother's," she told you both, grinning in pride at what she was cooking.
The whole team sat down together, laughing and smiling at the smallest of things. Moments like these were rare considering the jobs you all had so the evening was cherished by all.
Natasha sat beside you, her hand on your thigh the entire time to remind you that she wasn't going anywhere.
"I love you, malysh. So much," she whispered in your ear while Rhodey was telling a story he found to be very interesting.
"I love you too, Nat," you lay your head on her shoulder as she pressed a gentle kiss to your hair.
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lettersofencouragement-blog · 10 years ago
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cupid-is-stupid · a day ago
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Just saw a post about depression tagged as cripple punk and like.
Okay
What some of you don’t seem to get is that being mentally ill does not make you a cripple. Hell, it doesn’t always mean you’re disabled! And cripple is a term that only applies to physically disabled people. You wouldn’t tag mad pride under a post talking about fibromyalgia, or ehler danlos, would you? If a physically disabled person with no mental illness was out there using the word psychotic left and right, it would obviously be an asshole move. And that’s exactly what it feels when physically abled people use “cripple” or call themselves “cripple punks”, because that community was not created for you, nor by you. Yes, we share struggles, but not all of them, and we need spaces to talk about our own particular struggles, because some of them are different from what mentally ill/mentally disabled people go through! Same thing about the mentally ill community, we need spaces to talk about our own struggles as well, and that’s okay. Anyway, be fucking respectful and listened to what actual cripples have to say. Also, drink some water and take care of yourselves. 
Signed, someone who is both physically and mentally disabled. 
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girlcalledwhatsername · 2 days ago
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Making my separate post because I don't want to derail the other one but yk that post that says (rightly so) that even if you aren't able to sleep just lying down and not doing anything is more restful than doing something to pass the time? That's 100% a fact, and it has helped a bunch of people myself included, i think about that often.
However. As someone who has also been told this same thing in situations where it absolutely does not apply i do want to add some caveats.
If you are unable to sleep because you are experiencing a manic/hypomanic episode, don't force yourself to lie still, your restlessness might make matters worse, it will absolutely not be restful, and it is better to find something to do that will tire you out (for eg my therapist recommended jumping jacks)
If you are unable to sleep due to a sensory issues and find yourself barreling towards a meltdown, don't just lie there hoping things will get comfortable on their own. A meltdown is not restful. You do not deserve that suffering, change what you need to till you feel at ease enough to rest (even if not sleep)
If you are unable to sleep due to severe anxiety, don't just lie there and wait out the night. If you are that tense and high strung that is not restful. If a distraction is the only thing helping you with certain obsessions or paranoia then depriving yourself of that will not help. Take a while to practice your self help techniques till you feel unwound enough to rest (even if not sleep)
If you are unable to sleep due to some kind of psychosis, likewise allow yourself to work through it till you aren't as tense or distressed by it
If you are unable to sleep due to disturbing intrusive thoughts/impulses, allow yourself to find a release and talk yourself down to calmness, especially if you find the distress intensifying when your thoughts spiral out from a lack of something else to focus on
Lying down and doing nothing even when you can't sleep is good because it is restful. If it isn't restful this will not help. Remember that only you know best what is helping you. And please if someone says that just lying down won't help them then believe them and let them solve their issues the way they feel best. Maybe there is more at play than you know
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